Reviewer: BritinManor Signed [Report This]
Date: Jun 19, 2019 10:46 am Title: Maintaining Innocence...Good and Deluded

You really worked a lot into this chapter!

Brandon and Brian being friends.

Vic and Rodney were married, and now Vic has someone new coming into his life.

They sausage shaped "floaties" with the two big bally cushions! Did someone bang it Papa?”  Cripes! I laughed so hard. The innocense of a child!

Joan Kinney's foray into prison. I guess Jack's visit wasn't enough to save her soul!!  “I take it this is where they give me an apology and you place it on whatever file? Then I take my leave and never have to see them again; but I do wish to be provided for.”  Delusional much?  Haha! When her five years are up, she has to leave Pittsburgh. But the very best is, she can never step foot in a catholic church again. A fate worse than death, I'm sure! She should probably be careful about "Preaching" her religion while in prison, too.

HUGS  ~Cathy

Reviewer: The SNO Signed [Report This]
Date: May 20, 2019 7:53 pm Title: Maintaining Innocence...Good and Deluded

This last sentence is genius: “The excommunication order from your Church. They want nothing to do with you either.”

This is hilarious: "I interrupt this trip down Letusfuck Avenue!" and “Daddy, they’re sausage shaped!” “With cushions!” Where do you find this kind of thing? Real life from kids?

 

Reviewer: Morwen80 Signed [Report This]
Date: May 20, 2019 4:07 pm Title: Maintaining Innocence...Good and Deluded

Hi writers,

At first I have to apologize for not reviewing for whooping 23 chapters… so sorry, but there is this annoying thing called Real Life and its demands – agonizing about potentially starting university at almost 40 not the least of it… and no, ultimately it will not come to that.

Well, what should I write now? As you see, I am still reading and I’m waiting with bated breath for every new chapter.

I am so unbelievably pleased that every one of the miserable excuses of human beings has gotten what was due to them. It is still hard to grasp that especially Michael to this day hasn't got a clue about how despicable he really is - but well, he only tops off the charts of the most monstrous deviancies, Joanie well on his heels.

 

On a storyline point of view I have to say that the Memphis plot seems a bit much to additionally pack into this already big story - at least in the extend it gives the impression it will take. If it had just been mentioned it would be fine, but he seems to become a big plot point with all the accompanying writing-hassle entails. In my opinion the poor guy simply disrupts the flow of the story a bit… but that’s just a thought of a fellow writer who happens to walk in the same trap of packing to much in one single Story ones or twice, no offence meant.

 

Now I really, really want to see Michael utterly cowed. He is still the one with the least remorse (we will see about Joanie in this point). He destroyed his own live, almost killed his ‘best friend’ and still feels he is somewhat of the big shot. Maybe you could let him be even more stupid, landing him in with the hardened population of prison inmates? Child abusers are really not liked behind bars, malicious backstapping traitors also not...

Last thought in this review: I am so content with the developments for Brian and Justin; happily married, free of all the old trash (for now at least), co-parenting Gus... nice breather.

I am looking forward to new chapters and I will try to review again...

Greetings to you all

Katharina

Author's Response:

Hi Katharina

Welcome back! so lovely to hear from you.

Thanks for the review and would like to clear up the Memphis part, he will not be a big plot point, like you say, there is enough going on with this. No offence was taken.

Utterly cowed you want...then utterly cowed you will have my dear!

Happy reading

MissMerlot