Chapter 15 - A Grown Up Life

You don't really ‘grow up' until your mind grows up too.

It doesn't matter how old you are chronologically. It doesn't matter that you're above the age of majority, have all the trappings of an adult or even that you hold down a job and can take care of yourself, although those are important milestones. But that's only a part of being an adult.

We've all known people who still act like children, sometime well into old age. Some people never really seem to grow up at all. And I'm not talking about people that have a simplistic world view, either. I'm talking about people who just can't approach life with the maturity to be called adults.

The difference, as I see it, is that children are inherently self-centered. They ARE the center of the universe. That's just how a child thinks. They are so busy growing and learning about the world around them and how it relates to them that they can't put other's needs into perspective. For kids, it's all about what THEY need, want, see, feel. It's not until a person reaches the point that they can start to put others' needs ahead of their own that they truly mature and become ‘adults'.

That's why, for a lot of people - myself included - becoming a true adult doesn't happen until they have children . . .

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

"Come on, Lazy Bones. You need a shower. Get up," Brian ordered with a slap to Justin's perky posterior. All he got for his trouble was some grumbling from the lump hiding its head under the pillows. "Let's go, BB. You smell as ripe as a week old cheese. And if you hurry, I'll let you wash my back . . . side."

The Grumbling Lump stirred a little at that prospect, but didn't emerge from under its pillow shield. Brian grinned down at his lump, picked up an edge of the pillow in one hand and the corner of the comforter in his other and gave a nice big yank. Which left the Lump completely exposed and totally pissed off, too.

Brian chuckled at the grumbling curses that followed him into the bathroom, where he let the bedding he'd absconded with drop to the floor in a pile. By the time he'd used the toilet and then turned on the shower, though, the Grumbling Lump had made its way into the bathroom as well, revealing itself to be not a mere lump at all, but a sleepy-eyed blond boy with the worst case of bed head in history. Justin stood there, scratching at an itchy patch of dried cum on his belly as he peed, and then followed Brian into the shower. Right as Lump Boy stopped in front of Brian, his eyes still not even really open yet, the perfectly heated water came pelting out of the multiple shower heads. Only then did the lump open its eyes and fully transform into the BB Brian preferred.

Brian was smiling after finally having gotten a kiss from his newly awakened BB. He took the bar of soap and slowly ran his hands over the pale planes of the younger man's body, working up a lather all over and enjoying the touching at the same time. They stood there, being pelted by the shower jets, enjoying the togetherness while their hands roamed freely, as Justin slowly became more alert.

"Mmmmm. That feels so good, Brian," Justin moaned as his shower buddy soaped the more important parts of his anatomy.

"Good personal hygiene has always been one of my primary life goals," Brian kidded as he cupped the younger man's balls and made sure they were nice and soapy.

"Well, I'm all for helping you reach your goals," Justin hummed again as those soapy fingers played along his shaft. "I just wish your goals didn't require me getting up so fucking early in the morning."

"Can't be helped. I'm a busy boy. I have a video conference with Simpson today and I still have to run by the loft to get a clean suit before I drop the Midget off at the GLC," Brian started to list off his morning schedule, only half listening to himself as he continued to fondle his foamy blond boy.

"You know, this wouldn't happen if you and your suits slept at the same place," Justin suggested as he tilted his head up so the water would sluice over his face, unaware of the import of his words on the person sharing his shower.

However, those words hit Brian with the force of a sledgehammer. He froze in place. The bar of soap dropped to the tile floor. He took a step back.

Brian had spent a total of only one night in his own loft since the Saturday he'd spent with Justin, Molly and Gus at the park getting Sunshine. Every other night, he and Gus had somehow found their way over to the condo. And the one night that Brian had forced himself to stay home alone, he'd hated every minute of it. He had barely slept at all that night and even Gus had been woken up by nightmares. They had both been more than happy to hurry off to Justin's place the following afternoon as soon as Brian picked the boy up from school. Since then, Brian only ventured back to the loft in the mornings to pick up clean clothing as needed before work.

He and Justin hadn't spoken about the fact that they'd been spending every spare moment together. It had just happened. It had felt natural and easy and Brian hadn't thought Justin minded. In fact, he and Justin seemed to mesh so well, it was kinda scary. And the sex - well, despite Brian's rather promiscuous past, he didn't think he'd ever had more sex, or at least not more satisfying sex, in his entire life. So, of course he wanted to be in Justin's bed every night. But they'd never actually talked about it.

Maybe he should have, though.

"Shit. Looks like I've overstayed my welcome. Didn't mean to impose. I'll get Gus and we'll get going . . ." Brian rushed to excuse himself, already trying to sidle past Justin to get to the door of shower cubicle.

"What? Where are you going?" Justin looked up at Brian with a confused expression. "Brian? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just thought . . . Never mind. I'll get out of your hair."

"Stop!" Justin ordered, stretching out his arm to block Brian's escape. "Why are you leaving, Brian? Talk to me. I don't understand."

"You said you want me to sleep at the loft with my suits from now on. Which is fine. I get it. I didn't realize . . . Like I said, I'll just get Gus and we'll be gone in no time."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Justin sounded panicky as he grabbed Brian's wrist and pulled him further away from the door. "That's NOT what I meant, Brian. I'm sorry. That came out so wrong. I'm just not all the way awake yet. I shouldn't try to speak before my first cup of coffee." Brian felt his heart start to beat again. "What I meant to say, was that it would be easier if you didn't have to go home and change every morning. That way we could sleep in an extra thirty minutes and I wouldn't be half asleep when you dragged me into the shower. But I don't want you to leave. I want you to bring your suits here. Or at least a few of them - I don't think I have room in my closet for your entire wardrobe . . ."

"You . . . You want me to . . ." Brian, the man who played with words for a living, was speechless.

"I know, it's probably moving too fast," Justin stepped in, trying to salvage the awkward moment. "And, I'm not saying we do anything crazy, but, well, I really like what we've started and I wouldn't mind it if you brought some clothing and stuff over. You know, so mornings could be a little less morningish?" Brian was still just standing there looking gobsmacked, which elicited a little nervous chuckle from Justin. "What do you say, Stud. Wanna commingle our clothing? I think I could find room in my drawers for a few pairs of your drawers."

"You're sure?" Brian asked, still convinced it was too good to be true and that Justin had to be getting sick of him by then. "The Midget and I have been over here a lot. I'm sure you're probably ready to get some time to yourself."

"No. I'm not sick of you, Stud. Not at all. In fact, I can't imagine starting my mornings off any other way," Justin insisted, pulling Brian all the way under the spray before bending to pick up the forgotten bar of soap and return the soapy favor to Brian's parts.

Brian felt so relieved, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He actually felt physically lighter. He was surprised he wasn't floating off towards the ceiling, he was so relaxed now.

Justin didn't want him to leave. He'd even invited him to bring some clothes over so Brian wouldn't have to take off so early in the mornings. Wait. What did THAT mean? Damn, that was tantamount to living together. Was that where they were going with this? Did Brian want that? Weren't they moving way too fast? They'd only known each other a couple of weeks. And Brian didn't really DO relationships, so this was all new territory. Was that what this was? Damn! How the hell did that happen so fast?

Brian might have worked himself up all over again, if it hadn't been for Justin moving his bar of soap down to the Stud's nether regions and, with a squeeze to the parts that counted, refocused his attention again. Brian instantly remembered exactly why he liked being here with Justin. The steady, warm hand caressing his dick was an excellent example. There couldn't possibly be anything to worry about when everything his BB did felt so good. Right?

Once Justin had Brian's mind on the important things again, he began kissing his way slowly lower and lower down Brian's chest and abs. Brian leaned back against the tile wall, enjoying the experience thoroughly. And then, just when they were both preparing to engage in one of their favorite morning rituals, they heard a knocking at the steamed up shower door that caused them to jump.

"B'ine? Jussin?" a small voice piped up, barely heard over the noise of the shower, before the door opened wide. "I camed to tell ya there's a . . . Oh, gee, lookit that." Gus pointed to the two men whose soaped up and fully exposed crotches were just about at his eye level. "Wow, Jussin. Your thingy - I mean, your dick - is really big and pokey too. Mebbe even bigerer than B'ine's. He tolded me all about boy parts an how my thingy will get bigger when I gets older, but I don' think it'll ever get THAT big. That one's hugemungous! You prolly have lots of special pants, huh?"

"Uh, Gus, was there a reason you came in here while we were showering" Brian interrupted the ode to Justin's penis before it got too far.

"Oh, yeah, right. I camed to tells you that the Growly Man is here. I din knows you guys were busy playin' wid your big pokey things. Sowwy. I'll go an tells him . . ." The boy was already out the door and halfway to the stairs before the words were all the way out of his mouth.

"Midget! Gus, wait! Gus . . ." Brian's calls were completely ignored. "Damn it! Annoying midgets . . ."

Justin was no help at all, seeing as he was laughing so hard he couldn't stand straight. Brian shot him a dirty look, which only caused more laughter as the blond collapsed with glee, slowing sliding down the tile wall till he was huddled in an amused heap on the shower floor. Brian quickly rinsed off the rest of the soap and then started out of the shower, ignoring the guffaws of his partner.

"You don't think he's telling Carl . . ." Brian worried as he pulled a towel down off the rack for himself.

"Oh, yeah, he is," Justin managed to laugh out while mirthful tears leaked out of his eyes. "He definitely is!"

"This is all your fault, you know. If it wasn't for your huge ‘pokey thingy' - which I can't seem to get enough of - I wouldn't be here trying to think of a way to explain to Carl what the hell my midget is doing watching us shower. Come on, you. I'm gonna need backup."

"No way. This is all yours, Stud. He's your mini-me."

"Yeah, well, that might be so, but I'll bet you anything that Molly's down there too, and she IS your responsibility. So, unless you want my midget explaining the joys of pokey things in the shower to her, you're going to have to come help me."

"Oh, yeah." This prospect instantly sobered Justin up and he climbed back to his feet, following Brian into the bedroom much more soberly. "Damn. I was hoping not to have to do the birds and the bees talk with Molly for at least another year."

"Yeah, well, like I said, I blame your big pokey thingy."

"Hey, it's not all my fault, Stud. If I remember correctly, you have quite a nice pokey thingy yourself," Justin commented, reaching over as he passed to get to his closet and patting the nice pokey thingy where it was now hidden away in Brian's jeans. "By the way, what was that about special pants?"

Brian rolled his eyes and groaned quietly. "I'll tell you later, BB."

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

"Morning, Detective," Brian drawled as he strolled into the kitchen a few minutes later.

As expected, both Gus and Molly were seated at the table with Carl, munching on bagels that had been toasted and slathered with cream cheese. Carl already had a mug of coffee - probably thanks to Molly, who Brian had discovered was a pretty good barista. He filled two more mugs, one for himself, which he doctored with about half the sugar bowl, and the other for Justin with the addition of enough milk to turn it practically white. Justin took up the empty chair at the table and accepted his coffee from Brian with a huge yawn.

"Good morning, Boys! How was your shower?" The crusty old detective teased them with a waggle of his bushy eyebrows in Brian's direction.

"Cut short, unfortunately. Between your early arrival and someone forgetting to lock the bedroom door against the advent of marauding midgets, we didn't get very far," Brian shot back, giving Justin an accusing look. "So, what brings you by so fuuuuudging early this morning, anyway? And, while I'm thinking about it, how did you find me?"

"I'm a detective, remember - I can find anyone. Besides, you weren't that hard to track down, Brian. Nobody's seen hide nor hair of you in more than a week, so the logical inference led me to get Justin's phone number from Emmett and that brought me here." Carl looked pleased with himself, causing Brian to shake his head with a smile. "As for what brought me, I have some news . . ." He tipped his head towards an oblivious Gus, indicating exactly who the news was about.

"Hey, Gus," Justin intervened. "Why don't you leave the rest of your bagel for a minute and go get dressed. You and Brian are going to be late for the GLC if you don't hurry. You can eat the rest of this in the car."

Gus jumped up obediently, trailing a few crumbs across the table. "Okay, Jussin. I don' wanna be late. Keiko an me gets to feed Mr. Pickles taday and cwean out his cage. I's responsibibble for him all week. It's real fun." Gus pelted out of the room, headed for the stairs as if he didn't have a minute to lose, with Sunshine trotting along at his heels.

"Mr. Pickles?" Carl asked.

"The preschool's pet ferret and, apparently, Gus' newest obsession," Brian explained with a scowl. "And before anyone asks, we are NOT getting a pet ferret. Ever. A dog is more than enough, thank you."

"You're no fun at all, Brian," Molly admonished as she cleared away her plate and empty glass of milk, giving her brother's squeeze a bratty look on the way.

"I'm plenty of fun. Ask your brother. I just don't want a stinky weasel using my loft as it's litter box," Brian groused, wrinkling up his nose in such an adorable fashion, that Justin couldn't help laughing at him again.

"Mr. Pickles isn't stinky. He gets a bath every other day. He's very clean and ferrets actually make quite good pets from what I hear," Justin added, trying to stand up for the kids and their penchant for pets.

"I don't care how often he gets a bath. We're not getting one, BB," Brian cut him off with as much finality as he could, silently hoping that he wouldn't actually have to take a stand on this issue since he suspected he'd lose if the three of them ganged up on him.

Luckily the topic was dropped as soon as Molly left the kitchen on her way to her own room to get ready for school. Brian breathed a sigh of relief that he'd dodged that bullet. Then he sat down in Molly's vacated chair and turned his attention back to Carl.

"You said you had news?" Brian asked, now that the kids were gone.

"Yeah. I heard from my buddy on the SVU. They think they have a lead on finding your missing mom. It took a while because she wasn't using her own name. Seems that she got married and has been using the new husband's name." Carl pulled out a small notebook from his jacket pocket, flipped to the right page and then looked back up. "A guy by the name of Auerbach."

"Auerbach? As in Sam Auerbach?" Justin asked, sounding surprised.

"You know the guy?" Carl questioned.

"Not exactly, but I know OF him," Justin continued. "If he's the Sam Auerbach I'm thinking of, he's a pretty famous artist. Way out of my league, I'm afraid. Although, I'm not really a fan of his work. He mostly paints these large murals with assortments of geometric shapes in primary colors. I personally think it's overly simplistic populist crap, but what do I know. His stuff sells in the six figures, so somebody must like it."

"Why don't you tell us what you really think of it, BB," Brian kidded him, with an elbow to the artist's midsection. Then he turned back to Carl. "So where the fuck are Lindsay and her new hubby then? Did she just wander off and forget she has a son?"

"Well, that's the other thing that slowed the search down. Turns out she and the husband are traveling out of the county. My buddy says they tracked them as far as Paris. They aren't expected back in the states for at least a couple months." Carl put his notebook back in his pocket. "CPS is still trying to get word to Lindsay, but they can't do anything until she's back in the states, or at least in North America."

"Damn it! What the fuck was Lindsey thinking? Running off to get married and then leaving the country. Not to mention just abandoning her son. None of this makes sense to me, Carl," Brian hissed angrily, rubbing at his face as if to wipe away the tension. "So what does this mean for me? What am I supposed to do until she gets back from her impromptu honeymoon?"

"Well, that's up to you, Brian," Carl answered. "You and the kid seem to be doing pretty well together, right? I would think you just carry on the way you've been going for the time being. Unless you're rethinking putting Gus into foster care?"

"No! Of course not, Carl. It's just that . . ." Brian slumped in his chair, looking more dejected and unsure of himself than Justin had ever witnessed before. "Gus is a pretty great kid and he doesn't deserve this. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do, you know? I mean, I don't want him to go to some foster home or something, but, what's going to happen when Lindsay does come back? Is she just going to waltz in and demand he go back with her? I don't really have any legal rights to the kid. If she wanted to get him back, she could just take him. And even if Lindsay doesn't come back, based on what you've told me and the research I've done, without some kind of real legal standing CPS could decide at any time to remove him from my custody."

Brian slammed his coffee mug down on the table and got up to pace around the tiny kitchen.

"The kid already has issues with being abandoned," Brian said, turning to plead with his audience. "He has nightmares about being left again and last week he practically went into panic mode when I had to go out of town. What's going to happen in a couple months, after he's gotten even more attached to me than he is now, if somebody takes him away again? Maybe . . . Maybe it would be better for him if he didn't bond with me even more."

"Now, Brian, let's not jump to any conclusions here," Carl cautioned, getting up to lay a calming hand on the worried man's shoulder. "Nobody know's what's going to happen. We don't know Lindsay's motives in sending Gus to you and CPS certainly doesn't have enough to charge her with anything at this point. But when, or if, she does come back, CPS isn't going to just hand Gus over to her without an investigation. And in the meantime, it's extremely unlikely they'll take the kid away from his ‘father'."

"Yeah, but that's the thing, isn't it? We don't know for sure if I AM his father or not."

"True, but CPS doesn't know that, so they have no reason to doubt you or your ability to take care of the kid," Carl reasoned. "Besides, if Gus has issues with abandonment now, it's not going to get better if we take him away from here and put him in some group home or temporary foster placement." Everyone in the room agreed with that assessment. "Take my advice, kiddo. Don't do anything rash. The kid likes being here with you and he seems to be doing really well. Let's not rock that boat. When the mother comes back, we'll deal with it. And in the meantime, how about I see what more I can find out for you? There might be some documentation out there proving who the father is that'll at least answer some of your questions. Okay?"

Brian sighed and nodded his assent but didn't say anything more. Carl quickly took his leave, feeling bad about how hard the news he'd brought had hit Brian. As he was heading out the door, Gus came rocketing back down the stairs, eager to head off to preschool and his ferret duties for the day. Seeing the smiling boy's face, and the echoing smile from Brian, was heartening. Those matching smiles left the police veteran with little doubt that Brian had a lot more claim to Gus than he thought. And if Carl could prove it, he would.

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

Michael and David had just returned from their trip to France. They were looking for a parking spot near the Diner when Michael saw Brian kissing a blond as the younger man climbed into the Jeep. Before they could park, Brian and his blond had pulled away and left. Stomping into the Diner, Michael saw his mother heading to the kitchen. As soon as she came back out and walked over to the table where they'd seated themselves, he immediately started questioning her without even offering a greeting.

"Ma, was Brian in here before? Who the fuck was that trick with him? And why was he getting in the Jeep?"

"Hello, Michael. I missed you too, son. How was your trip?" Debbie asked facetiously, earning herself an exasperated eye roll from her son. "Well, it would be polite to actually say hello to me before you start in on the third degree."

"Sorry, Ma. It's just, I saw Brian and some trick I didn't recognize getting into the Jeep just as we drove up. What's Brian doing picking up a trick this early in the day?"

"That was Justin and he's not a trick, he's a really sweet guy. Brian met him at the zoo when he took Gus there a few weeks back. They hit it off and have been together ever since. And, if you ask me, he's just what Brian's needed for a long, long time," Debbie explained, trying not to laugh at the look of amazement that hit her son, leaving him gasping like a fish out of water. "Don't act so surprised, Michael. You've been gone on your trip for over a month, Sweetie, and a lot has been happening around here while you were off on your vacation. "

"What do you mean, ‘together'? Who the fuck does this Justin think he is? And, for that matter, who the fuck is Gus?" Michael demanded as soon as he recovered the power of speech. "Never mind. I'll just ask Brian myself. It sounds like I need to go straighten these guys out. I'll go find Brian and take care of this as soon as we eat."

David sat there listening to his boyfriend. Michael had always been very possessive of Brian and his time. If Brian really was involved with this guy, though, maybe things might finally change. Maybe he could finally convince Michael to move away with him. He would call Debbie later and see what he could find out.

Deb wanted to try to talk to her son, but she knew it wouldn't do any good. When he had something in his head he wouldn't let it go, especially if it had anything to do with Brian. So she would just call Brian and give him a ‘head's up' that Michael was back, saw him and Justin, and more likely than not would head straight to Kinnetik to confront Brian as soon as he was finished shoveling in his food.

Slipping into the employee lounge she called her surrogate son. "Hey, Brian. I just wanted to warn you, Michael's back and he saw you and Justin getting into the Jeep when you left the Diner this morning. He'll be heading your way as soon as I'm done feeding him."

"Thanks for the heads up, Deb," Brian replied with a resigned tone. "Luckily, I just finished my conference call and don't have any clients coming into the office today, so I'll be ready for him when he shows up. I doubt he's going to like what I have to tell him though."

"Good luck, kiddo," Deb said, praying that her two sons would work things out.

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

Justin had just finished loading the car after shopping at the art supply store when his phone started playing 'Hot Blooded', the ringtone he'd chosen for Brian.

"Hey, Stud. Just finished at the art store and I'm heading to get the groceries now. Did you think of something else we need?"

"Hey, BB. No, I haven't thought of anything else. But I wanted to let you know my friend Michael got back into town today and apparently he saw us when we left the Diner this morning. According to Deb, he's heading my way and I suspect he'll be less than happy to find out about all the changes in my life while he was gone. He's always been a little proprietorial when it comes to me and my life. It might take a while to explain everything to him. So, I just wanted to warn you, in case he happens to see you anywhere before he gets to me."

"Thanks for the warning, Stud. I'm heading over to pick up Sunshine at the groomers and then I was going to go to the dog park. I doubt we'd run into each other there. Besides, he doesn't even know what kind of car I drive. We were in your Jeep this morning."

"Yeah, but once he sees your neon yellow Compass, he'll be able to spot you a mile away. I still can't believe you got someone to paint a Jeep that color."

"Well, I never lose it in the parking lot. Unlike you, Mr. Black Jeep, just like everyone else's," Justin teased, reminding him of the fifteen minutes they'd spent trying to find the right Jeep after coming out of a restaurant just the week before.

"I don't need people to see me coming for miles," Brian returned the teasing. "And put your tongue back in your mouth, unless you're planning on coming here to use it on me."

Justin pulled the phone away from his ear to check that he hadn't turned on the video.

"I know you, BB. You're a total brat who would definitely be poking his tongue out at me right about now," Brian commented, knowing that Justin had pulled the phone away to check. "Anyway. Have fun today. I'll let you know what happens. Later," Brian continued, smiling at his phone as he moved to hang up the receiver.

"Later, Stud," Justin replied, hanging up as well.

Brian swiveled around in his office chair and stared at the framed picture he'd put on his credenza just that week. It was from the day at the zoo when he'd first met Justin. The picture showed the four of them: Brian, Justin, Molly and Gus. They'd been standing in front of the elephant enclosure, big smiles on four faces and Brian's arm circling familiarly around Justin's waist. Even back then, you could see that there was something special between them.

Brian just hoped he could somehow explain that special something to his oldest friend in a way Michael could accept.