JUSTIN

Laying down next to Brian, I thought back to the belief I had that being alone was better. I thought about why, that first time, I had stopped to look up at Brian’s window. I realized it wasn’t seeing him as like me, but wanting to see how he handled the world when nothing in it seemed to touch him. I didn’t see being alone as being better anymore, and I needed to see that Brian needed me to show him. He knew I wanted him, but that wasn’t anything new for him. He needed to know I wasn’t going to yank away the love I gave him. While he was alone in his world, he hoarded people, and did everything he could to keep them in his life. 

Something I didn’t see when I watched him was that he wasn’t letting the friends stick around for any reason other than they stayed even when he acted like it didn’t matter to him. Something that, if I didn’t know before I certainly did now was that I mattered to him the most. It was in the way he ignored everyone when we needed each other for something. Nothing mattered to him but for us to be alone together, at least long enough for him to know I was still whole and really back with him. I never understood the idea that one person could be your whole world, but then I had never had someone like Brian in my life. He didn’t care if I stumbled my way through the world. He didn’t find it strange if it took me a minute to answer because I was thinking hard of how to answer a question. Nothing about me bothered him, and he knew nothing about his life bothered me. I didn’t judge him for the way he lived his life, and he didn’t hide the parts no one seemed to see from me. 

Brian didn’t just tear our clothes off. Instead, he maped every inch of me. Looking to see if there was a blemish or bruise I was hiding from him. He treated me like I was fragile. At first I wasn’t thrilled, but then I realized he didn’t see me as fragile. That wasn’t what it was for him. He needed to see there wasn’t anything hiding where no one could see. I put it together in my head; what he’d said about his parents, the way he never got close to anyone, and the fact that he was looking in places that hid the bruises. I didn’t bother to ask, because the minute he was done, the tension leached out of him, but he needed me to show him what he hid from others growing up. It also made me understand that what we were looking into would affect him more than any of us. He knew what it was like to have things done to you and not be able to escape it.

“Other than being jostled around, no one touched me.” I tell him.

“I had… to see it for myself.” He tells me.

“I’d never hide it from you.” I tell him.

“Even though you might have had to hold me back from killing any asshole if they touched you?” He asked, sitting on the bed and pulling me to him.

“Even then. You’re the one person I’d tell everything to.” I tell him.

“Why?” He asked, seeming only to want to hear the answer.

“Because no matter what I said or did, you would still love me. Still want me.” I tell him.

“You finally got it through your head. That there’s nothing I could know about you that would change anything. I know with you, nothing in my life would bother you. You don’t care about my past, you don’t see it as the definition of me.” Brian tells me.

It wasn’t romantic bullshit, just the simple truth. No one saw past the persona to the man who wanted to find where he fit in the world. All everyone saw was the man who every man wanted to be with or be like. None of them saw the man who distanced himself from others because they couldn’t see past the window dressing to the man he was. I saw it, but only because I hid in a world where I never had to really interact with others. The only difference was that he hid in the crowds. 

“I need to tell you about Blake.” I told him, rubbing my nose on his chest.

“About how you know him?” Brian asks.

“You knew I knew Blake?” I asked.

“You looked right at him when we were leaving, the first time he showed up. For you it meant you knew him in some way.” He tells me.

“Barely. We aren’t more than acquaintances.” I tell him. 

“How would Blake describe you?” he asks.

“At first, as if I was some kind of hero that saved his family. I didn’t even know who it was that I was helping. Just that they got screwed by trusting the man who stole from them. I didn’t want praise for helping people when it was something they couldn’t do for themselves. Especially when I only did it because I could.” I tell him.

“Which, whether you like it or not is what a real hero does. Why do you think in all the comics Michael reads, the hero has a secret identity. It’s because the hero only does what he does because others can’t do it. I know all this started with Julian by me being in your life, but in the end you never really trusted or liked him.” He tells me.

“I never really cared, and part of me wonders how I could have helped him.” I tell him.

“And like me, you want to blame yourself for something that you couldn’t have done anything about. So I want you to listen to me… What Julian did is what Julian did, what you did was track down people who shouldn’t have been doing what they did. Is that getting through to you? Because it’s something I don’t like that you do to yourself.” He says to me.

“It’s something you do yourself.” I tell him.

“I know, and will work on it, but you have to do the same.” He tells me.

“I will. But we need to figure this out and get them out of our lives.” I tell him.

As we got dressed I let the memories of how he slowly made love to me stay in my mind, The way he stared into my eyes as he slowly thrusted into me. Making sure I saw that by coming back to him, letting him do what he needed to see everything was okay, it gave him the peace he gave me. I had a feeling I would need those memories to get through the next few hours, days, or the rest of our lives.

MEL

Lindsay was laying in my arms, upset, but needing me to help her do what her father told her to do. Instead of running to Brian, she came to me and told me what she found out. It wasn’t new, but it just felt good that she no longer even questioned who to go to when she needed help. It started with Ron’s visits, something she knew Brian wasn’t going to be happy we were allowing. It’s the first time I really saw Lindsay’s fears. Only they were directed at Brian’s reaction instead of mine. It made sense to me, thinking about what living with Nancy was like for Lindsay. Nancy wanted something Lindsay couldn’t be, and saw a way to use it against her. Only she didn’t understand that loving Lindsay would have gotten her the daughter who I was proud of. 

“Daddy thinks George should know.” She said, not sure if it was a question or statement.

“It might give George a way to understand why his son won’t talk to him.” I tell her.

“I’m just worried, but then you’ll be there if he needs help when he kills the asshole.” She tells me, making me feel ten feet tall for the faith she has in me.

EMMETT    

When I got to the house I was relieved to know that Michael and Justin were safe, but I could see something was bothering George. He told everyone he was going to rest and to let him know if they needed him. I wanted to follow him and help him with whatever was bothering him, but Mel stopped me as she and Lindsay came in the room. I listened to what Lindsay found out, then decided I should be the one who told him. It would also give me time to find out why he seemed less happy than the man I had come to know.

I knew exactly where to find him, and made us drinks before grabbing his hat and heading into his garden. George was digging away, making a mess. Which meant he was really worried about something.

“I think that was one of your flowers, not a weed.” I tell him, as he ripped something out of the ground.

He looked at it, then sat back, shaking his head at the mess he’d managed to make. “You know you’re important in my life?” He asks.

“Of course, why?” I asked.

“I just don’t ever want you to doubt that.” He tells me.

“I don’t. But we both know what we have isn’t love in the traditional sense. I love you, and love being with you, but if you found someone to really give your heart to, I’d be happy for you and know it doesn’t change that we’ll always be friends.” I tell him, since we both knew it, even if we didn’t say it out loud.

“I saw the one I should have fought for today.” He tells me.

“Where?” I asked, excited because I wanted George to really love someone.

“He dropped Justin and Michael off, then took off without saying anything to me.” He tells me.

“Did it end badly between you two?” I asked.

“If I’d given in to my feelings back then, who knows what would have happened. He didn’t hide his interest, and in the end I walked away, afraid of what he was willing to give me.” He tells me.

“You’re not afraid anymore. There isn’t any reason you can’t try and see if he’s still interested.” I tell him.

“You helped me by showing me the world I’d hidden from.” He tells me.

I debated whether to say anything right now, but George knew me and he could read when I was worried about him.

 “Whatever you need to tell me, just do it.” He tells me.

I repeated what Lindsay found out about his son and Carter. How his wife handled the situation, and the reason his son was angry with him. George listened to everything, and hearing what his wife didn’t do pissed him off. 

“The family name was more important, like always.” George said, getting up.

“Even though I don’t like Virginia, at the time…” I started to say.

“She could have dealt with the Yates, but instead helped them hide the monster they created. Our two families together had more influence than the Yates family, but instead she did what they did by hiding what happened. You tell everyone; Carter is mine, and I’ll make sure everything Justin needs is given to him without any conditions.” George said, walking away before turning back to come over to the bench I was sitting on and kissing me sweetly. “I do love you, and will always need you in my life.” He tells me, before walking way and ordering his butler to get someone on the phone.

I sat there enjoying the garden, deciding to get Michael to tell me about his little adventure and see if I could help George. 

JUSTIN

Daphne and Ted were looking at printouts. Ted told both of us it was easier on him when he could organize the data in piles. Blake was pacing back and forth, waiting for us to appear.

“Before I say anything, Justin and I know each other... sort of.” Blake announces, looking at Brian who nodded to him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ted asks, putting down the paperwork.

“Was that why you were on the other side of town, looking for Justin?” Michael asks.

“No. I didn’t know Justin was missing until Daphne told me. I was hoping to find the guy who partied with me before I met Ted.” Blake tells them.

“Why?” Ted asked, standing in front of Blake.

“The night we met… the night I…”

“You didn’t do anything I didn’t let you, it was just as much my fault.” Ted tells him.

“I was supposed to go to one of Sapp’s get togethers. Instead I chased after you, not going to it.” Blake tells him.

“Then I don’t care what happened that night, since it saved you from what we know is going on.” Ted tells him.

“Why were you looking around?” I asked.

“Because some of the others did go, and I thought they could tell us where the parties take place.” Blake tells us.

“Did you find anyone?” Brian asks.

“A kid who told me the house belongs to some rich old guy.” Blake tells us.

“Carter Yates.” George tells us, coming into the room. “Justin, anything you need will be given to you, including the information the FBI has on Sapperstein.” 

“What about Julian?” Justin asks.

“There was a slight problem with getting anything on Julian.” Ben tells us.

“Me.” Justin states.

“No one can get past your firewalls.” Daphne tells him.

“There’s also the fact that Julian doesn’t keep anything on the open network.” Hunter tells us.

“Which is why I went in.” Daphne tell us.

“To find files that have been altered to make Julian look clean.” Ted tells us.

“Then we focus on Sapperstein, while Daphne and I find the hidden files.” I tell them.

“Sapperstein is in trouble anyway.” Daphne tells us.

“How do you know?” Ben asks.

“Because Stockwell sent out emails to his troops, making it open season on Sapperstein.” Daphne tells him.