CHAPTER 23: BRACING FOR IMPACT

VIC:

Rodney and I decided to give my sister the rest of the weekend off to come to grips with what she’s done. Has it worked? I’m honestly not so sure. All I do know is that I’m worried about her. Yes, I’m still angry that she and Michael would use Brian in the ways that they have, but… well she and I have a history that goes way beyond the bonds of a simple blood tie. She’s been my best friend, confidant, and one-woman cheering section when our family kicked us out and it was time to move forward in life. She was the very first person I told when I found out I was positive; not Roberto, whom I was living with at the time. And when I needed to get my head out of my ass the first time I was hospitalized, it was Deb who told me so, and helped me learn to take care of myself again. So now, it’s my turn.

Coming into the house, the first thing that hits me is the smell. Knowing my sister the way I do, I would have expected to smell a veritable feast, since she usually cooks when she’s upset. But not this time. No, it’s the smell of pot, vodka, and Pine-sol that’s assaulting my senses!

“What the hell is she up to?” Rodney whispers to me as we enter further into the house.

“Brian’s method of pain management, minus the sex,” I whisper back. “The smell of Pine-sol means that she’s done one of two things: either she went on a cleaning spree before, or just finished cleaning up the vomit afterwards.

Going into the kitchen, I find what I expected. Deb’s sprawled, face down, on the table. The stench coming from the kitchen sink confirms that the Pine-sol was unceremoniously dumped in there, but never rinsed down the drain along with the contents of her stomach. I have to wonder how long she’s been binging. The ashtray is full of cigaweed roaches, and honestly...

“Is she always like this?” Alex asks me as he steps into the kitchen. He agreed to help us talk to Deb, and to help her get a handle on things as they really are. I’m almost sorry that I asked him to come all this way.

“The last time I’d actually seen her this bad was three nights after she had Michael. She couldn’t do it after we were kicked out because she was pregnant. But she went on a binge once the enormity of what she’d done sunk in. It’s how she deals with extremely stressful situations.”

“And the moderate ones?”

“She cooks,” I answer, and sure enough, the refrigerator is full of tupperware of newly cooked dishes. Looking around I spot even more on top of the fridge, stacked and labeled with everyone’s name from Brian to Ted, in alphabetical order.

“And you say this isn’t a regular occurence?” Alex asks again.

I turn to him. “If you think my sister needs rehab, you’re mistaken. However, I do think that she needs to be removed from the immediate situation for awhile. If there is one thing I know about Debra Jane Grassi, it’s that she can’t take being shunned.”

“Why didn’t she think of that before she aided Michael in his foolishness?” Rodney asked as he narrowed his eyes as the still-sleeping Debbie.

It was no secret that he was as pissed off as the rest of us at Michael and Deb. A lot of it stems from what his own family tried to do to him when he was first diagnosed. His parents with the help of his brother, who’s an attorney, thought that because he contracted HIV he was no longer competent to handle his own affairs. It didn’t help that his family was well-off, and they hadn’t even known he was gay. When all of the facts in the case came out, Rodney was made to feel less than a human, due to all their allegations and innuendoes. They demanded that the judge take away his license to practice Psychiatry. Thankfully the judge was liberal and based his decision in Rodney’s favor solely on the law. Needless to say, that angered Rodney’s family, especially to find out that he didn’t need their money or connections. So he was in full support of his father disowning him, and has not looked back since.

But this was my sister he was talking about. “Rodney, it’s not an easy decision to choose between the child you birthed and the child of your heart. In reality, Brian is everything Deb wishes Michael could be. The only problem is she also resents Brian for it. Chances are that Deb thought that by helping to get Michael what he wanted, she would be making sure that both of them couldn’t leave her. In a sense Brian would really be her son then, and Michael would always be suitably grateful enough to always take care of her.”

“That’s preposterous!”

“But it’s also true. You tend to forget that Deb and I were tossed out, and we only had each other then. Once Michael came along, I left Deb here while I went off to New York. For much of that time, Michael was all Debbie had- the only one who never left her. But on the day he met Brian, technically he did.”

“That’s still no excuse for what the both of them did!”

“No it isn’t, but it does give a reason as to why she allows Michael use her the way he does. He’s always made her feel as though she’s had to buy his love. And now with the truth about his real father out… Brian has known for years about him, but Michael hadn’t. At least not until Justin spilled the secret during his rant to Debbie.”

“What about him? Should he matter?” Alex asks me.

“Only in the fact that his name is Danny Devore, not Charles Michael Novotny,” I whisper.

“What?!” They both ask me at the same time. “Why would she do that? Why would she give him a false identity?” Rodney continues on, shocked.

“Would you want to know that your father was a drag queen? I think Brian has said it best: Michael is a hetero teen female trapped in the body of a gay man. He has all their ideals and aspirations, but none of the balls to go through with a transgender surgery.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting a fairytale romance…”

“There is when object of your affections is a man who doesn’t want that with you and you resort to highschool bullshit games to get him. I’m willing to bet you that if he had a uterus, he’d be faking a pregnancy right about now.”

“Sounds like something Lindsay would do.”

“Exactly! Michael and Lindsay have always wanted the same thing… Brian, but it was easier to join forces with the other because in their minds, neither was a threat to them.”

“But Lindsay doesn’t have a dick…”

“And Michael doesn’t have balls, except in terms of biology. But back to Deb’s role as Michael’s enabler… the truth is she’s still emotionally scarred from the way our parents treated us. In Deb’s mind, I’ll be leaving her soon, and then who will she have? Most people can depend on their children to do right by them in their old age, but she’s been cursed with a selfish little shit named Michael. So if Michael wouldn’t take care of her, Brian would, but she had to have some way to tie him to her. In her warped mind, Michael was that tie.”

“But now she’s a co-conspirator in her villainous offspring’s tale.”

I snicker. “You sound almost like one of Michael’s comic books.”

“He makes it easy to do. When you really listen to him talk, it’s like he talks in riddles and comic dialogue. I mean, if you really think about it, what is it he really saw himself as doing regarding Brian and Justin’s relationship? What was his real purpose to bringing in Ethan, if what we suspect is true?” Rodney asks me, but it’s Alex who answers.

“He was saving his best friend from the evil clutches of someone who wasn’t him. Let’s face it, if Michael was in Justin’s shoes, everything that has happened between Brian and Justin thus far wouldn’t have been a problem for him. Brian willingly supporting Justin, prior to the bashing and beyond; Brian and Justin agreeing to an open-relationship; Brian and Justin’s falling out and reunification after Rage, all of it would have been okay with Michael had the roles been reversed, as long as in the end HE could have Brian, and all the attention the man draws to him. That is the core of Michael’s problem. Without Brian in his life, he’s not only forgettable, but unnoticeable. Even if it’s negative attention, it’s still a craving that Michael has that’s satisfied. Being known as Brian’s best friend is no longer enough for him, especially since Justin is known as Brian’s equal, or his tamer in certain circles. So now Michael wants to be the ONLY one to say that he’s with Brian Kinney, instead of just a small part of his life. He’s made it a competition, when in reality, there is none. Since no matter what he did, he wouldn’t measure up to Justin. I would say that Michael suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but no, he isn’t sick; just selfish and self-absorbed. How many times has he just had to turn a conversation back to himself?”

“Hundreds of thousands of times. But why would he go to all these lengths now? He had Ben, and before that he had David.”

Alex shrugs. “Sure he did, but Brian is still like that shiny new bike that a kid sees in the store. Although he asks for the bike a million times, he’s either told ‘no’ or the famous quote from every parent, ‘we’ll see’. Meanwhile, Brian commands everyone’s attention and respect, and has since his early teen years. Michael doesn’t realize that Brian earned it in ways that he would never have been able to handle, especially where handling his own bullies and Michael’s were concerned. It’s the same with Justin, and that is the driving force which has and will set all of Michael’s past, present, and future plans in motion. The difference between Brian and Justin versus Michael is glaringly obvious. In Michael’s mind, he has to prove that he’s more like Brian than Justin is. He has to be seen as just as smart, just as beautiful… you know, worthy being with King Kinney. The problem is that he will always fall short because at base Michael is a lazy coward, whereas neither Brian norJustin are.”

And you know, that assessment rings true on so many levels. Michael has always wanted to play the damsel in distress, seeming helpless to the masculinity of his chosen partners. Only Brian didn’t play the game that Michael always wanted. He wanted the Football Hero and Head Cheerleader dynamic, where it was automatically implied that they were together. What an imbecile! But now I have another dork to wake up. She’s started to fucking snore.

Having absolutely no sympathy for her plight, I grab the empty metal garbage can, and one of the empty bottles of vodka on the table and WHAM! I throw it into the bottom causing the ruckus. It takes everything in me not to laugh as she lands on her ample ass onto the floor from the chair.

“Wha… What? Vic?” She stammers. As I regard her, I notice the change from bewilderment to anger almost immediately. “What the fuck are you doing here, Benedict fucking Arnold!”

“Trying to save you from continuing the mother and son edition of Bonnie and fucking Clyde,” I sneer back at her. “Now get up, Sis, and go take a shower. You smell like a funkier version of Woodstock!”

“You can’t…” she stops short, getting a good whiff of herself. “Fine! I will be back shortly, but I want you out of my house!”

“Fat chance! You and I are going to talk. And by that I mean, I will do the fucking talking for once while you sit there and listen.”

“Fuck that, Vic! I will not sit here in my own house and be lectured.”

“Yes you will, Debra Jane Grassi! Call it an intervention or a Come to Jesus moment, an epiphany or a COW PROD UP YOUR ASS! Whatever it takes for you to finally listen!” I yell, but then seeing the hurt look on her face, I take a calming breath before trying again. “No one here wants to harm you; you’ve already done plenty of that yourself. But we are here to help you. You’ve dealt some horrible blows to Brian over the years, but you’ve been given plenty of your own, too. What happened on Saturday was a combination of both. So let us help you deal with that, and move on. You owe it to yourself to at least try to come out of the vicious cycle that loving your son to distraction has put you in. I’ve never asked anything of you, Deb, never. But I’m asking this. Please?

She turns wordlessly towards the stairs, and I am beginning to wonder if I’ve reached her at all. I feel Rodney’s arms around my waist from behind, holding me close to him. He whispers, “Pass or fail, Victor Grassi, you did an amazing job. The rest now, is up to her. I’m proud of you.”

I nod as I fight back tears. Looking around the kitchen yet again, I know what we have to do. “We can’t talk to her here.”

“Why not?” Rodney asks. “I know that in here is where the both of you have always made any major decisions. It’s where you both, as brother and sister, are most comfortable.”

“That’s true,” I concur, sighing. “But there are too many distractions… memories of family dinners, laughter, conversations and tears, long past gone, but never forgotten. Staying here is going to be counterproductive to what we are trying to get her to agree to do. Plus, she’s too accessible here.”

“He’s right, Rodney. All it will do is remind Deb of what she’s had and lost, not see what she could possibly have in front of her. We have to get her out of here.”

“Fine, but where can we take her? Honestly, I don’t want her at our place just yet in case she balks at our suggestions. There’s a chance that she will become with us like she is with all the rest, just barging in at will. I can’t live like that, and I don’t think you want to return to it. It’s why we moved in the first place.”

I nod in understanding. Rodney and I couldn’t even have sex without Deb commenting, or barging in. Privacy is a word not on intimate terms with Deb. I mean, she barged in on Brian when he was in the middle of an orgy, for God’s sake! It took months for the Avenue to talk about anything else. “So where should we take her?”

“I think I have just the place,” Alex says. “We’ll do this at my house.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. First, Stephen is there, and like Rodney he’s had a similar situation to what Deb is about to go through. Only it was his twin brother, who is now serving time for a homicide he was trying to pass off on Stephen. He’ll know to a degree just what Deb is feeling and may be able to put things in a new perspective for her. Secondly, no one knows where I live since my office is located on the other side of town. We’ll have total privacy there.” In fact, I was going to suggest that maybe, if she agrees, she should stay there with us until she’s able to process everything. It’s close enough that if something happens to you, she’ll be able to get here right away, but it’s far enough away from the prying eyes and gossiping hens of the Avenue.”

“Vic, he may have a good point and idea,” Rodney chimes in. “Everyone will have already heard about what’s going on between the Novotnys and the Taylor-Kinneys by now, and like you said, Deb needs to face her demons head on. She can’t do that here nor anywhere near here. It’s like dealing with a drug addict. Sure, there are some who are functional enough to be an outpatient after 72-hour lock down, but Deb isn’t like that. She’s proven that given the opportunity, no matter how many times she tries, she’ll fall into her habit of cloaking and covering for Michael, even though she knows he’s wrong.

"She needs help, and fast if she’s going to become an active participant in her own life again. Otherwise, Michael is going to kill her, and I’m not talking physically, but emotionally, and socially too. Deb thrives on social interaction. Can you imagine what it will do to her to have absolutely no one? You’re not just dealing with an addict, but one whose abuser is always front and center, urging her to take another metaphorical hit. Michael has already done a damn good job of isolating her, but with our help, maybe we can break his hold on her.”

“I won’t lie to either of you. It’s not going to be easy, and coming back here afterwards where she’s no longer safe, will be hard. But we’ll try to give her the tools she needs to become Debbie again; it’s up to her what she does with them.”

With that thought in mind, I run upstairs and pack some clothes for her. I know that what both Alex and Rodney said is right, and hopefully she’ll see that. I’ve decided to have some clothes ready for her just in case she takes the suggestion. I don’t want to give her a chance to change her mind, and coming back here will do that. As I’m finishing up the last of my impromptu packing job, my cell phone rings. Fuck! What’s happened now?! It normally wouldn’t be a problem for me to talk to the caller, except that the water in the shower has also stopped running. I know that I have to get out of this bedroom and out to the car before Deb finds me in here.

Making my way downstairs just as the bathroom door opens, I listen to the voicemail Justin has left me, telling me of Michael’s latest drama. Reaching the landing in record time, I practically throw Deb’s garment bag to Rodney and run over to the house phone to disconnect it immediately. Michael is, if nothing else, predictable, and I know that he will be calling as soon as he can channel the proper emotions and get his grubby little hands on a phone. I am NOT about to let the little shit derail our intervention with Deb before we even get started. I head over to the answering machine, and turn the volume off, although whomever calls can still leave a message.

“Okay, Vic. I’m ready to listen,” Deb says, with her head downcast.

I don’t have to see her eyes to know that she’s been crying. My first inclination is go over to her and take her in my arms, but I won’t. I know that Rodney was right the other day before the meeting when he basically told me that I can be compassionate towards my sister, but not to show even a modicum of weakness. It’s that thought which is anchoring me right now as I watch her head to our favorite meeting place.

Clearing my throat, I say, “That’s good, Deb, but we can’t talk here.”

“Why not? You’re uncomfortable here all of a sudden?” She cuts her eyes at Rodney before looking back at me.

“No, and you know that I’m not. But what we have to discuss with you would be better done outside of here. And I think you know that, even if you don’t like it.”

She huffs and puts her hands on her hips. “Fine! Then where are we going?”

Alex steps nearer to her. “Hi, Deb. I’m not sure if you remember me…”

“Of course, I do. But what are you doing here, Dr. Wilder?” she sneers, letting us all know what she thinks of him being there.

Instead of getting upset, he smiles. “Don’t worry, Deb, I’m not here to diagnose you. But in light of what’s been happening in your life lately, I have someone who I would like you to meet. He was in a similar situation where he had some major decisions to make, too. I thought you might like to know that you’re not completely alone.”

“Well, I… You’re not going to tell me that I have some sort of mental defect, are you?”

“If anything, I would tell you that you suffer from depression, but again, that’s not why I’m here. How about we all go to my house? I’ll fix lunch and let you see how I live away from Liberty Avenue.”

She looks to me. “You two coming, too?”

“Yes. Is that a problem for you, Deb?” I ask/

“No. Just that I’ve had so many surprises in the last few days, I’d like to know what’s coming next, you know?”

“I understand, Deb.”

As we were leaving the house, I am so glad that I am the last one out the door as I notice the red record button is lit. I have the sinking feeling in my stomach that I know who just left the last message. I send Rodney, Deb, and Alex ahead as my suspicion is confirmed. I press play and listen to the wheedling and whining tone of my nephew, so angry that he’s not only demanding that she put him up, but should straighten Jennifer Taylor and her wayward son out on his behalf. Then he goes on to say how unreasonable she was being, showing off in front of her clients while letting Justin threaten him… again. Finally when the light went off to signal that the recording was over, I did the one thing I thought to never do in my life. I erased the message and then unplugged the machine. I then bolt locked Deb’s front door, checked the backdoor to make sure it’s locked, and then headed down to the basement. I decided to leave the house that way, remembering the alarm I secretly installed years ago without Deb’s knowledge. But the closer I got to the door, the more I recognized the old crates from Michael’s time with David. Several of them were marked ‘FRAGILE’ and I could only imagine what was in them that Michael would consider valuable. As I leave, I call Ted, advising him of the code to the alarm on the basement door and asking him to call his friend Dale. I smile knowing that Michael’s little stash is about to be invaded, and there isn’t a fucking thing he can do about it. Fuck with my sister, you fuck with me, Little Boy. Even if you are my nephew!

Climbing into the backseat of the car, Rodney leans over to me. “Everything okay?”

“Not quite yet, but it will be.” I kiss his lips even as Alex pulls away from the curb, thinking once I have my sister back, it surely will be!