CHAPTER 43 - CABOOSE AND CAHOOTS
BLUE-GREEN COTTAGE -
JUSTIN
“You’re mad?” I try not to wring my hands; he is just looking between me and the front door.
“Ours? Nobody else knows?” He repeats.
“Nobody but us. But if you want to let Slick know, can it be after this weekend?”
“Slick and Ems, just them. Now, keys.” I hand them to him, then blow raspberries in his neck after he sweeps me into his arms. “You are incredible, you know that?”
“We can leave the RV here when we’re not using…” I watch as the combination of me in his arms and trying to open the door causes issues. “...Stud, would you like me to help with that?”
“Please, and yes, we can. It is a little obvious!” He chuckles as he strides inside then comes to a halt. “Justin? How?!”
He lowers me to the floor. “Go walk around, tell me what you want to change. I will unpack.” I try not to snicker as he pulls out his phone to take pictures. But there is one thing that is worrying me, the lack of stuff for the boys. When I said ‘ours’, I meant just the two of us. “Am going to sort out lunch, want to take some fruits as you wander?”
“Absolutely. “What's for lunch?” In his excitement, he grabs the entire bag of cherries.
“Stud, leave some for me!” I protest.
“Oops! Sorry, Sunshine. So lunch?” He prompts as he decants the fruit.
“Chicken, bacon and cheese melt cob bowl.”
“Exsqueese me, a what? Before you answer that, look me in the eyes…” He tilts up my chin and presses a cherry to my lips. “...and tell me, once you’ve finished that, how much jogging I will have to do? And why we don’t have one of those round things at home?”
I take out the stone and smile. “Let’s start on the round thing...it’s a crepe machine, Yes, I will make some for breakfast, and do you really want one of those at home knowing how [a] you love crepes and [b] how much I love making crepes for you?”
He gives this some thought. “I did eat a lot of them when we went to France...okay just here it is. Now lunch.”
“Well, if I use mozzarella, then you’d need to run for an extra mile or two, but if I use brie or provolone and add tomatoes with crisp bacon on the side, then no jogging at all. You would have to expend your energies on me.”
“Can we add spinach to said bowl? And will you come with me now for our wander? That way, you can explain your thoughts then show me how to do that bowl.”
“Absolutely.” I grin, then together we unpack the cooler and put everything in the fridge.
“So where do we start?” He is almost bouncing on his toes.
“Your office.”
“I have an office?!” He splutters.
“Brian, if there wasn’t an office, would you try and put one in?”
“Yes.” He giggles...I love to make him giggle.
“So I pre-empted that. You read...you don’t even know where it is!” I shout after him as he rushes out. “First one as we came in!” I hear the door open, followed by his cry of delight. “I mean it, Brian, one hour. We have the rest of the cottage to do!”
“Yes, dear!” He calls back. I go to join him, knowing that it will be at least two!
BRITIN ORCHARD - AN HOUR LATER
LINDSAY
“Once more, Baggie and Baloo, watch Polo.” I look at these ‘darling’ musclemen that are their dogs. “Polo, sit.” Polo obeys immediately, I hand him a treat. “Now, Baloo and Baggie, come.” Baggie lumbers over. Baloo lies down. “No, Baggie, you must sit first and then….ewww!” I shriek, as he, albeit gently, wraps his jaws around my hand, then stares at me. I keep absolutely still and ignore the muffled laughter of Gus as he works the treat out of my fist, then sits in the shade to eat it. “I had anticipated this…” I tell them, heading to rinse my hands in the bucket of water. “...I will not be defeated, I will establish the…” My words die as Baloo comes over and cocks his leg over the bucket. The only sound that can be heard is him pissing over my hands. “Gus, please go and get another bucket with fresh water. Thank you.”
“Did you anticipate that?” Slick drawls from her place on the trailer.
“Not quite.” I admit. Slick remains impassive. “So, the next plan of training will be to…” I’m stopped by Baloo sticking his snout into my crotch. “Baloo, no, that’s not for you! Kindly do not do that with your tongue!”
“Lind…”
“No, Slick…” I push Baloo firmly away. “...I will master them!”
“Okay, but don’t go a-bitching that I didn’t try and help.”
“I won’t. I promise.” I quickly rinse my hands when Gus gets back, then look dismayed when Baggie repeats the pissing action into that bucket. “Gus…”
“On it.” He snorts.
“If I may make a tiny suggestion? Not that I’m denigrating in any way the sterling job you have done thus far.”
Of course you’re not!
“And that would be?”
“I think…”
“Slick, can you help me, please?!” Gus shouts. “Now!”
GUS
I wait for her to catch up. “Stop it. Give her the sit at least.A d stop telling them to pee!”
“Fine.” She chuckles. “I will have nary a meddle no more, so whatever happens for the rest of the training session has nothing to do with me. I tried to help, but she rejected it.”
I stop walking. “Slick, what do you mean? I know you’ve been telling the boys to ‘ignore’ her. Let’s face it, there are only two people in the world they obey, and neither of them are Dad or Poppa. And Grandmom Jen is not here, so what do you mean?”
“Not my fault. She was feeding them before I got here, and I didn’t realise until later, like totally.”
“Slick!”
“How long has your Mom loved Fig Newtons? She fed them an entire pack before we came out...I reckon that those last two should just about…”
“Figs? Figs? They cause major splats in dogs!”
Suddenly there is a scream. We run back to Lindsay, who is looking in abject horror at her now poop covered feet. A contented looking Baggie sashays back to his spot in the sun.
SLICK
“What...Baloo, no!” I scream, but it’s too late. Now Baloo doesn’t ‘do a dirty’ much, but when his stomach is upset, he does it where it needs to be done. And it seems that Linday’s feet are the place, which would be fine, if it was just her feet in that location. As it is, her head is there too.
“Mom!” Gus shouts.
As warnings, this would be good, but when you are looking into the butthole of a 300 pound plus dog with the splats, not so much. Even Polo turned away as the fountain mercifully skimmed her forehead, but flowed down her back.
“Okay! Have finished my homework, how goes the training?” Jenny chirrups before going pale. “Oh, sweet baby Jesus! Why am I looking at a Lindsay shitstick?!”
“Jenny, help me!”
“Oh, hell no! Forgiveness only goes so far, you are on your own! Gus, get the hose! Wait, what’s today? Is it…”
Then it happens, the manure trucks arrive. The noise sends the canines running, unfortunately, right into Linday’s path, which means I grab the kids, but she’s run over by the startled pooches.
TWENTY MINUTES LATER
GUS
I peek around Slick’s shoulder. I can’t see Lindsay, so this is very bad.
“Can you see…”
“Not one word!” I hiss at them.
I watch the trailers, yes for there are many, make their way up the hill. “How much dung is in each truck?”
“A few tons, but then they would fork it...move!” She orders, and we run towards where we last saw Lindsay upright, yelling her name.
Five minutes later, she sits up. “Mom, are you okay?”
SLICK
“Am I okay?” Linday wipes her face. “No, Gus, I am not. They are untrainable and cowards!” Nobody says a word as she stands up. “Jenny, could you go to the cottage and start to run me a…” I didn’t think it was possible for anyone but dogs to hit that pitch of the scream Lindsay rings out as the water cannon hoses her down, then moves on up the orchard. “...I take it, Slick, you were trying to tell me about the manure trucks and the water cannon?”
“Yeah, happens every day this week, which is why....”
“They aren’t outside. Because it scares them, but I insisted. Got it. A little late, but I’ve got it. I’ve got to learn to let go of the old Brian, and see him as new, happily married with dogs, and with you as his best friend, who knows best.”
“How about you shuck off those shoes, then we squelch to the cottage and I run you a bath? Take my arm to steady yourself.” I crook out my elbow, she takes it, thankfully it doesn’t take long to remove her shoes. “You are ripe!” I take another gulp of fresh air before hoisting her over my shoulder. “But light as a feather!” I declare, and stride towards the cottage, thinking one thing: how much more I am starting to like her.