"Dad, what did grandma mean about allowing someone to spend the night? I spend the night all the time?"

Brian wasn't surprised that Gus asked the question but wished that he hadn't paid attention to her comment.  He never believed in lying to Gus and didn't want to start now.

"Of course, you spend the night all the time, but you're my son. Having Justin spend the night... well."  Brian struggled to put his words into appropriate language for a 10-year-old.  Lindsay was already after his balls for stopping by Woody's, even though he did not go in.  She would absolutely have a fit if she thought Gus was going to be witness to him and Justin sleeping together.

"Dad, I know you guys kiss and stuff.  I'm not a little kid."

"No, you're not a little kid, but you're not an adult either.  Let's just say that having Justin spend the night is an adult thing and not something that Debbie ever thought she would see from me."

"But Dad, you've been an adult for a long time.  Haven't you ever had other guys spend the night?"  Gus asked innocently, not realizing that Brian was trying his best to not throw his sex life into the spotlight of his son.

"No.  Not really.  Remember when you asked if I was dating Justin?"

"Yes.  And you really didn't give me an answer.  So does Justin spending the night mean you are dating?  That would be really cool, Dad.  I like Justin and if you two are dating, he'd be around even more.  Carlos said his stepmom started spending the night, that he knew it was serious. Are you two going to get married like Mom and Momma?  I'd have two dads and two moms."  Gus put out his hand for Brian to high-five him but Brian did not return the gesture.

"If you must put a label on it, then I guess you could say that we are dating.  But no one has talked about marriage or anything like that.  I have to get used to the idea that I'm actually dating,"  Brian said in response to Gus, listening to his answer as he wondered what gave Gus the idea of marriage. "Gus, I'm new to this dating thing.  Grandma Debbie just made a comment that she thought it was a grown-up thing for me to have Justin spend the night."  Brian hoped that Gus would drop the subject.  He was not about to explain to a 10-year-old that he liked waking up to Justin in his bed and was surprised when he'd asked Justin to spend the night several nights ago. He was slowly but surely coming around to the idea that dating was something he enjoyed or at least dating Justin.  

Gus yawned widely and tried to hide behind his hand but was unsuccessful.  "Sonny boy, I think we've talked enough about overnight guests.  It's late and when we get home you need to get ready for bed."

"But Dad, I was hoping to stay up to say hi to Justin,"  Gus whined and frowned.

"Gus, he will be here in the morning when you wake up and you can say hi to him then.  I know he was excited to spend the day with us. But if you don't go to bed, you'll be cranky in the morning and I don't think Justin will want to put up with a cranky kid,"  Brian said with a firm voice.  

Gus recognized that he could not win this argument and therefore said, "Okay, Dad.  I can't wait to see Justin in the morning."  

The remainder of the short ride was silent as each person thought about the upcoming weekend.  Brian was looking forward to having Justin in his bed for a third night in a row and Gus was excited and was already planning their weekend, mentally going through the list they had made many months ago.  

It was almost 10:30 when Gus went to bed and he was asleep within minutes of his head hitting his pillow.  Since the show didn't end until 10:00, Brian didn't expect Justin for at least another few hours.  He knew he had to stay until the last patron left and then had to attend an after-hours party for at least a little while. And since transporters still did not exist, he would have to drive a half hour before getting to Brian's home.  He wouldn't get there until at least midnight.  Brian was excited about Justin coming over.  He hadn't written in his journal for a few days so thought this was an excellent opportunity to do so.

Sitting at his desk with his special pen, he opened his journal and read his last entry ended.

Justin is different.  He wants to know what is going on in my life, whether it directly applies to him or not.  He told me that was due to wanting to know me better and caring about what happened to me.  I hate that I haven't talked to him or had any real substantive conversation in four days and based on his text last night, I probably won't talk to him until after the show on Friday.   While my ideal solution would be to whisk him away for the remainder of the weekend when the world would be far removed, I know that is unrealistic.  I will see him at the show and offer my support, but while I would love to go home with him after the show, I'll wait not so patiently for his invitation to let me know that he is up to hanging out.  I remember what it is like to have a large campaign go live.  The hours leading up to it are so busy and you don't feel that there are enough hours in the day to get everything that needs to be done.  Once the launch is done, your adrenaline that has been coursing through your body at 100 times its normal rate finally gives out and you crash.  I will try to remember that this is a big show for him and be patient if he's not available until next week.  Next week will suck, but that should give me time to think about what I really want in life.  I want more than to be successful at Kinnetik.

That had only been a few days ago, but so much had happened in those three days. Picking up his pen he started to write.

I've learned a lot in the last few days.  Reading my last entry I now recognize that I need to let Justin know how I feel and even more important, I need to acknowledge how I feel, even if the feelings are uncomfortable.  I'd love to push the whole Woody's parking lot episode under the rug and pretend it never happened, but doing that would mean that I had not done the right thing.  While going to Woody's may have been a bad idea, I realized it before I did anything to jeopardize my sobriety.  I called Cleo and he helped me realize that my thoughts and feelings were okay.  Another great takeaway was realizing that Justin still thinks about drinking and that he has demons that he has to keep at bay.  I never realized that he still struggled with his desire to drink.  I don't know why that made me feel better, but it did.  I mean why would someone's struggles make me feel better about my own?  That seems really shallow, but it is the truth.  Knowing that both Cleo and Justin still struggle with a desire to drink, made me realize that I didn't have to be ashamed or upset when I struggled with the same thoughts.  

But the Woody's incident also resulted in Justin spending the night.  When I learned that he wanted to see me and was missing me as much as I missed him, it opened up a part of me that I didn't realize I was keeping closed.  I'd never considered asking a trick to spend the night and in fact, always found it distasteful to wake up to a stranger in my bed.  But Justin is not a stranger and I found waking up to him wonderful.  I hadn't planned on asking him and I have no idea if he'd ever thought about it, but it just seemed natural to ask. We were both missing each other and while sleeping together isn't quite the same as spending time when we are both awake, there is something even more intimate about being together when you are asleep and at your most vulnerable. 

On to Gus.  Gus poses a little different problem.  He adores Justin but I still felt I needed to ask him his thoughts about Justin spending the night.  Of course, he was all for Justin being here, but now he's asking about marriage and Justin being his other Dad.  Of course, I told him that I was only talking about spending the night, not marriage, but I have to admit it got me thinking.  No, I'm not anywhere near thinking of getting down on one knee and asking Justin to be my blushing bride.  That is totally ludicrous.  But it did get me thinking about us, me and Justin.  We are dating.  I think I'm finally okay with that definition, but where does it go from here?  I still feel like a teenager when it comes to all this dating stuff and I know that teens are not ready for long-term relationships.  But what about me?  Do I want a long-term relationship?  Do I want it with Justin?  What would that mean?  What would that look like?  Am I ready for it?  I mean ready as being mature enough but also is my sobriety at a point where I can feel confident about a long-term relationship?

I never thought I would date.  I never thought I would want someone sharing my bed.  Yet, I'm doing both of those things and they make me happy.  Being sober has literally changed my life and now I want goals beyond seeing Kinnetic successful.  If that was my goal in life, I already reached it and I'm just over 40.  I need some new goals.  I'm sober and I want to stay that way.  Goal number 1.  I want to continue building my relationship with Gus. Goal number 2.  I want to continue my relationship with Justin.  Goal number 3.  I guess this stream-of-consciousness writing has its pluses.  I just wrote that I want to continue my relationship with Justin.  Hmm.  Does that mean marriage?  I'm not sure about marriage.  My parents were married and they were miserable.  I'm not sure I want marriage but a commitment to Justin, sure I could see that.  I think Justin wants that too. He's told me that a number of times but I think maybe I'm finally understanding what that means.  More importantly, I'm realizing that relationships are not a bad thing.  I always scoffed at people who wanted to get married, especially after seeing my parent's sham of a marriage.  I think I would like the idea of waking up to Justin's face every morning.  Tonight will be the third night he's spent the night.  Three is the charm, right?

But will the novelty wear off?  Will I want my quiet and resent him being there?  Will he even want to do that? I'm sure Justin's had relationships before, he's kind of hinted at that, but what went wrong?  Am I relationship material?  I think I'm getting way ahead of myself.  Hell, we've only been together two nights and tonight will be the third time.  Why am I even contemplating relationships when I am just now agreeing that we're dating?  

I guess Gus' questions got me thinking.  But he's 10 and while I don't think he's drunk the kool aid when it comes to marriage, all he sees is how cool it would be to have two moms and two dads.  Also, I think he likes the idea that Justin will be around, and maybe to him, that means marriage.  After all, his moms are married and Ted and Blake are married.  I don't think I'll go down that road at this point.  His opinion regarding Justin's place in our lives is positive. He likes Justin.  Anything further is a bonus. 

Brian put down his pen and read his entry.  He picked it up again and added.

Whatever may come of Justin and my relationship, I'm forever grateful for his support and friendship and for believing in me. 

He closed the journal and placed it on the shelf.  He put his pen away and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.  Looking at the clock on the microwave he saw it was close to midnight and he hoped Justin would arrive soon.  He allowed his excitement to course through his body as he thought of their bodies together.  As he sat down, he heard the buzzer and Justin announce that it was him.  He buzzed him up and waited at the door while the elevator made its way to the third floor. When Justin got off the elevator, Brian engulfed him in a hug and then waved his hand to welcome him inside.  

Once inside, the small satchel Justin was carrying was unceremoniously dropped at the doorstep as they kissed while standing in front of the door. The kiss was slow, not desperate, and enjoyed by both men.  Justin pulled away first and said, "I'm thirsty.  I'm going to grab a water." Brian followed him into the kitchen.

Justin untwisted the cap and gulped over half the bottle.  "Painting is the easy part.  It's all the talking at shows that is a pain. Everyone wants to know what I was thinking when I painted a piece or why I chose specific colors or any number of bizarre questions.  At least with your work, the message is clear, ‘buy me' and you will be so much better," Justin said, tongue in cheek.

"Are you disparaging my work?" Brian asked, playing along with the banter.

"No.  Just commenting on the people who attend art shows.  I wish there was some good way to sell my work without being in the spotlight. But, it does pay the bills and I sold everything that I painted, so there is that,"  Justin said as he finished the bottle of water.

"Do you really hate it that much?"  Brian asked, surprised at Justin's comments.

"No, not really.  It is actually fun to talk about my work.  I just find it exhausting to attend openings.  In one part of my brain, I realize that people are there to see the art, not the artist.  But in another part, I always feel that I'm on display and if the patrons don't like what they see in me, then my art will not sell."

Brian did not really know how to respond to Justin's comments but he thought that Justin was not really wanting an answer but an opportunity to blow off steam.

"I can tell you that I'm interested in you.  I'm happy that the show went well and you sold everything.  But I'm selfish.  I've missed seeing you while you put the final touches on the show.  Now that the opening has finished, I'm hoping I can see you more often,"  Brian said as he waved his hand toward the bedroom.  "I assume that the satchel you brought had clothing and toiletries for the weekend.  Why don't you grab it and join me in the bedroom?  I have a feeling that Gus will be bouncing in pretty early.  He was not a happy camper when I told him he had to wait till tomorrow to see you,"  Brian said as he walked toward the living room to set the alarm and close up the loft.

Justin grabbed his satchel and they walked to the bedroom.  "Where should I put this?" Justin asked as he held up the bag.

"Over there,"  Brian pointed to a corner by the bathroom.  "You can put your toothbrush and things in the bathroom."  Brian thought how natural it was to have Justin placing personal items in his home.  

Justin quickly gathered his toiletries and placed them in the bathroom. While he was there, he brushed his teeth and got ready for bed.  Brian watched him complete his nightly ritual.  On the previous nights Justin had stayed, he had used Brian's toiletries as they had been spontaneous.  While it was a new experience to be sharing the space with someone, it didn't feel awkward.  When Justin was finished, Brian took his turn in the bathroom and then joined Justin in bed.

Brian turned toward Justin to gather him in his arms and began kissing him. Justin returned the kiss but Brian could feel him drifting off in his arms.  Brian kissed his temple and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulled him close and they drifted off to sleep.

In the morning, Gus woke up and immediately ran to Brian's room, bounding in and pouncing on the bed.  "Justin, I missed you. Dad, can we go to the diner for breakfast?  They have the best pancakes and then we can go somewhere fun.  We could go to the kid museum.  Tommy told me his dad took him there and there is a cool area for big kids where you can do all sorts of experiments.  Or Justin can show me more about photography.  You said I could go see Justin's art.  You know, the place you went last night."  Gus leaned down to give his dad a hug and then sat down between the two men. 

Justin laughed and asked, "Is he always so excited in the morning?  It usually takes me at least 30 minutes before I can even form a sentence."

Brian said, "I warned you.  He was super excited about you staying the night and was disappointed that he couldn't stay awake."  Turning towards Gus, he asked, "Okay, you've listed 3 things you wanted to do and you know we can't do them all.  Going to the diner for breakfast is doable, but think about what else you want to do today.  Keep in mind that Emmett will be coming over later to hang out and cook with you.  You have to practice for your next dinner party,"  he teased, drawing out the word dinner party to make it sound very formal.

"Oh yeah.  That is next weekend.  I almost forgot. Did you invite everyone, Dad?"

"Absolutely.  I would not want to be accused of sabotaging your dinner,"  Brian said.

"Hey, Justin.  Do you think Molly would like to come?  I mean, Dad has taken her on a couple of fake dates.  I asked Dad that maybe we could invite her to join us sometime in our adventures,"  Gus asked, hoping that Justin would agree and excited that maybe he would get to meet the infamous Molly.

Justin shrugged and said, "Oh.  If it's okay with your dad, I guess you could invite her?" Justin looked at Brian for affirmation of his answer.  He had never thought of including Molly in their outings but evidently, Gus had.  He wanted to make sure it was okay with Brian before having Gus reach out to her.

"It's Gus' party.  I just agreed to offer my home."

"Cool.  Can you call her and ask her, Justin."  Gus asked, eager to add her to the list of guests.

Justin glanced at the clock and shook his head.  "Not at the moment.  It is way too early to call Molly on a Saturday.  She's like me, doesn't get out of bed until at least 10:00 o'clock."

Gus looked at the clock and frowned.  "But it's 8:00 now and your up?"

"That's because some little boy named Gus was eager to see me and plan our weekend."  Justin reached out and tickled Gus on his side.

Gus' laughter filled the bedroom and Brian thought it was the most wonderful sound.  While he loved hearing Justin's moans of pleasure as they shared each other's bodies, the sound of a happy Gus resulted in a warm feeling coursing through Brian's body.  He joined Justin and started tickling Gus as well.  Soon Gus was trying to return the tickling and the three of them were laughing.  After a few minutes, Brian pulled back and said, "Gus, why don't you go get dressed?  Justin and I will join you in a few minutes.  Then we'll go to the diner for breakfast.  We can talk at breakfast about the rest of our day."

Gus smiled wide, his face filled with happiness.  "See you in a few minutes.  I'm starving, so hurry up."  He bounced off the bed, leaving the two men alone for a few minutes.

"I guess we don't have any time for a morning blow job?"  Brian asked, knowing the answer before he posed the question.

"Seems unlikely,"  Justin said as he got out of bed.  "Did you know about Molly?  I mean that was a real surprise."

"He mentioned something about meeting her when I asked him about you staying the night, so it wasn't totally out of left field,"  Brian said as he headed to the bathroom.

Justin joined him and started his morning routine.  He turned on the shower and waited till it heated to the right temperature.  "Going to join me?  We can conserve water?"

Brian laughed.  I'm not so sure about conserving water, but I think if I joined you, we might take more than the few minutes that Gus allotted to us.  I'll take a rain check.  Maybe tonight, after Gus goes to bed," Brian said, admiring Justin's naked body, his porcelain skin, and his slightly muscular physique. 

Justin nodded and stepped in the shower to quickly shower.  Brian took care of his morning routine while Justin finished up and then he too took a quick shower.  They dressed and joined Gus who was looking at their list of things to do.  

"Dad.  Can we go on a boat ride and then maybe to the kid's museum?  Remember we color-coded the list with dots to show the stuff that was close to each other.  These are both blue,"  Gus explained.  He had no idea where things were located in Pittsburgh so they had spent a few hours coding the list for everybody's benefit. 

Brian looked at Justin for his input.  "I think we could probably do both of those today.  What do you think, Justin?"

"Sounds good.  Gus grab your phone so we can take pictures on the river.  Taking pictures while you are moving is really fun but can be a challenge,"  Justin said.

Gus brought his phone out of his room and the three of them left for the diner.  After breakfast, they went to the kid's museum where Gus got a ticket for the older kid's exploration area.  He spent a good hour there and then was ready to ride the boat.  On the boat, Justin pointed out several landmarks to photograph and showed him some tricks to take pictures when the boat was moving.  Since the boat wasn't going very fast, it was pretty easy to adjust to the movement.  It was close to 3:30 when they finished the boat ride and then headed back to the loft.  

"Dad, I had a great time today.  I forgot to ask Molly about the dinner.  Do you think we could call her now?  She should be up now,"  he grinned as he thought about their earlier conversation. 

Brian looked at Justin for confirmation and he nodded.  Brian got out his phone and found Molly's number and hit the number.  She answered after a few rings.

"Hi, Brian.  I know you're not calling for a date.  What do I owe your call?" Molly asked, surprised to hear from the man.

"Hi, Molly.  Remember we were talking about my son last night at dinner?  Well, it seems that everyone is on the same page.  He would like to talk to you."  Brian said as he handed the phone to Gus.

"Hi.  I'm Gus."  He looked at his father to get the approval of his words.  

"Hi Gus, I'm Molly."

"I'm cooking dinner on Friday night for all my family and I wanted to invite you to come.  Justin and Dad will be there.  You know them so you won't feel weird,"  Gus said, as he spoke into the phone.

"Oh.  A home-cooked meal.  I think that would be fun.  And you're going to cook.  What are you making?"  Molly asked, surprised and pleased to be asked.  She was excited to meet the little boy that played a huge role in Brian's sobriety and had her brother giving up his weekends. "What time should I get there and where do I go?"

Gus looked at his father for guidance.  "Give her the address, Sonny Boy. And tell her what time, you know the answers,"  Brian said, encouraging Gus.

Gus gave her the address and told her to get there at about 5:30. 

"See you on Friday.  And thank you, Gus.  I look forward to it.  Can I talk to your Dad for a minute?" Molly asked.

Gus gave the phone back to Brian.  "She wants to talk to you."

"Hi, Molly,"  Brian said.

"Thanks for the invite.  It will be fun to meet your son.  I assume Justin is invited?"

"It's Gus' idea.  And of course, Justin will be there.  He was the first person Gus invited.  See you on Friday,"  Brian said and hung up the phone.

"Done, Sonny Boy.  So now you have 1 more person to cook for.  Aren't you and Emmett going to do a trial run tonight?"

"Yes.  That reminds me, I need to get the recipe out of my backpack.  I promised him I would get all the ingredients out before he arrives."  Gus left to go to his room and then after locating the recipe went to the kitchen to gather the ingredients.  

Justin watched Gus as he raced to his room and laughed.  "I had fun today.  I love spending time with you guys and now that the gala is over I feel like I can breathe for a minute.  Mind you, an artist can never stop.  It's not like the deadline was met and then I'm free for a few months until the next show.  I'm always creating, but it seems like I always have to take a break after a show to recharge for a few days before starting up again,"   Justin said, explaining how he was feeling after a typical show.  

Brian nodded in agreement.  "I get it.  I feel the same way after a launch but I'm constantly chasing a new account or expanding the ones I have.  I don't have the luxury of stopping after each launch,"  Brian said, knowing that Justin would understand his comment.  

Before they could continue their conversation, the buzzer rang, announcing Emmet's arrival  Brian buzzed him up and Emmett put down the bag of fresh greens that he was carrying.  "I passed a little farmer's market this morning when I was out and they had the most yummy-looking greens.  I just had to pick them up for dinner today.  "You are joining us for dinner, aren't you Justin?"  he asked the blonde man standing next to Brian.

"Of course.  Gus told us he will be practicing for next week's dinner and I can't wait to be the guinea pig," Justin said, smiling." Besides,  he asked my sister to join the group and I have to make sure you guys don't poison her,"  he added tongue in cheek.

"Your sister?  I didn't know you had a sister....And how does he know your sister?"  Emmett asked, finding that little tidbit very interesting.

"Well, he doesn't know her exactly, but Brian took her to my show last night.  Long story, they met at the first show that Brian went to and when she realized that he was not trying to pick her up, she readily agreed to accompany her around the show.  They have a gentlemen's agreement to be each other's date for any future shows they attend,"  Justin was explaining the arrangement to Emmett.

Before he could continue, Gus barreled into the room and added, "And now dad takes her on fake dates so other guys won't bother her.  But really, it would be better if Dad took Justin on real dates."  Gus looked at Brian and added, "So Dad, does Justin sleeping here make it a date?"  

Emmett immediately raised his eyebrows at Gus' question, but before Brian answered Gus, he looked at Emmett and said, "Not a word, Honeycutt.  Not a single word.  And yes, Justin has spent the last three nights here."  Brian turned toward Justin and added, "I think we better get moving. AA doesn't wait for people to arrive," and with that statement, they were gone.   

Emmett's first inclination was to grill Gus on this latest installment of the Brian/Justin drama but he knew that his curiosity would have to wait.  Brian would not appreciate his questions, especially those directed toward Gus.  While Emmett knew that Brian trusted him, he also knew that it was not his place to interfere with or question Brian's relationship with Justin.  He had thought on more than one occasion that there was something more than sponsorship or even friendship between the two men but had never questioned Brian.

"Alright Gus, it's time to practice our culinary skills.  Tonight is our practice run and now you've added Justin's sister, it's like this is your debut night so we better get it right."

"What do you mean it's my debut night?"  Gus asked, not understanding the term.

"Well, let me see,"  Emmett said as he cupped his forefinger and thumb over his chin as he thought of a way to explain the idea to Gus.  "A debut is a first look at a new concept or person.  Did you know that in some circles, people have big fancy balls to introduce girls to society?  Everybody gets dolled up and they have fancy food and dancing. It is the chance for the girls to be introduced to society as a woman of marrying age. The girls were taught dancing and proper etiquette and this was a chance to introduce them to all the men that were appropriate to marry. Although these days, most balls are not meant to introduce women ready for marriage."   Emmett got a faraway look in his eyes for a moment.  "Why in Mississippi where I grew up, the Debutante balls were really important.  Not that anyone I knew was ever invited, but it was always written up in the society pages of the paper.  Who traveled to the Jackson to attend and a little tidbit about the debutantes.  But, you can also debut a product.  When you debut a product it is an introduction to the market,"  Emmett explained. 

"So girls used to go to fancy parties to get introduced to guys that they could marry?  Ugh.  Do you think Mom or Momma ever went to one of those?  I've heard Momma talk about some things that she did when she was younger."

Emmett thought for a moment about Lindsay and Melanie. While neither woman talked about their upbringing very often, he got the distinct impression that Lindsay came from money and it was very possible that she indeed, had attended a debutante ball.  Oh, he would love to see some of those pictures.  "I don't know, Gus.  Maybe you could ask them sometime.  But young man, we cannot dilly-dally all day and talk about debutantes and balls.  We have a meal to cook and debut,"  Emmett said as he picked up the recipe from the table and reviewed the ingredients that Gus had laid out on the counter.  Gus turned his attention to the recipe and Emmett and they worked together to prepare the chicken.

**********

The two men had been attending the Saturday evening AA meeting together for many months and frequently rode together as they spent the day with Gus. Tonight was no different and Brian offered to drive as he disliked riding in Justin's SUV.  They got in the car and Brian drove toward the meeting.

"I hope you don't mind that Gus wanted to invite Molly to the dinner next week,"  Brian asked."I think it is cute.  I'm sure he's curious about your fake date."

"When we were at dinner last night, I mentioned Gus to Molly and then I kind of mentioned that he might like to meet her,"  Brian said, explaining that it wasn't just Gus that wanted the two of them to meet. 

"Oh, So is this meet the inlaws time?  Anyone you want me to meet? "  Justin asked, half joking.

Brian cringed at the question. "Nope.  You've met all the family that I care to have.  As for my biological family, I sincerely hope you never have the displeasure of encountering any of them."  Brian paused for a few seconds and added, "Now, on to more pleasant topics."   Brian maneuvered his car into the parking place at the community center where the AA meeting was usually held.  

Justin didn't comment on Brian's statement, understanding that this was a sore subject for him but he did wonder what his family was like.  He was enjoying the extended time they were spending together and hoped that it would continue.  He decided that if and when Brian wanted to share the information, he would be happy to hear it.

They entered the meeting and sat down.  The chairs quickly filled.  

"Welcome everyone.  My name is Sam and I'm your leader for tonight.  Tonight I want to talk about relationships.  AA is not the relationship police but it is an unwritten rule that you don't date until you've been sober for a year.  I'd like to explore that."

"I'm Cali. It sounds great in theory, but what if you're already married?"  A dark-haired woman with a slim fitted T-shirt said.  "I mean, it's not like I can tell my significant other, ‘oh by the way' our relationship has to be on hold for a year while I get sober."  

"I'm Randy,"  a young man in jeans and a long sleeve green henley said.  "But what if your relationship is already damaged by your drinking?  Maybe, you need to wait to try and repair the damage.  It might be good for the other person to see that you are serious about change. They will probably accept it better."

"So you could be stuck either way," Brian said, "no one wants to sit and wait while you get your shit together but they may have been waiting just for that for a while."

"If you aren't addressing your sobriety, your relationship is going to continue to be hurt.  I would think that if someone started their sobriety journey, their significant other would try and be patient so they could address the issues in their relationship,"  Justin said.

Sam watched the group as they mulled over each statement. "We can't turn back time so anything we do to address our sobriety is a positive, but our partners will need time to adjust to our new life.  While the partner who doesn't drink is probably relieved and happy that their partner isn't drinking, there is usually some trial that they mentally give to the other person to see if they truly are changing."

The man sitting next to  Brian spoke, "I'm Dane and I was married when I stopped drinking.  At first, my wife was thrilled, but then we had to relearn how to be a couple again and see if we could be a couple again.  It took a while, but it eventually worked."

"But what happens when you weren't in a relationship to begin with?  How do you navigate those waters?"  Brian asked, knowing if the advice was to stop dating Justin, he wasn't ready to hear those words.  

Sam looked at Brian, seeing how he was honestly looking for some answers.  "Brian, what do you think?  Dating is hard, even if you are not new to sobriety."

"If I knew the answer to the question, I wouldn't have asked.  So..."  he left the question hanging in the air.  

"I'm Cathy.  Hi Brian.  It sounds like you are thinking about starting a relationship.  Can I ask how long you've been sober?"  

"10 months, why?  Is there some magic number of months?"  Brian said, wondering if he should have never asked the question.

"I'll ask another question, Brian.  Will the answers you receive tonight change your mind?  I mean, if someone said you have to wait 12 months, 18 months,  or even 2 years would you change?"

Brian thought for a minute and said, "I don't like anyone telling me what to do, so probably not.  My life is my life."

"Okay.  So why ask?  I mean I'm not sure what you hope to get out of the answer."

Brian thought about Cathy's question and said, "I don't want to screw up.  I've come so far in my recovery, I just don't want to mess things up.  I just need to know that if I move forward that I won't screw things up."

"Brian,  sobriety is only one way that relationships can get screwed up. There is a lot that goes into a successful relationship.  The reason that AA discourages relationships in early recovery is that people who are newly sober are trying to figure out who they are and what they want out of their life.  When you know who you are then you can concentrate on expanding your circle and then you are ready to date," Cathy said, hoping that this was the information that Brian was looking for.

Brian nodded.  "So, if I'm comfortable with my sobriety and who I am, then I'm ready to date."

"Well, that's a start."

"AA suggests it takes about 12 months to get comfortable with who you are.  But it could be 10 months or 16 months.  If you are thinking about starting a relationship, I encourage you to think honestly about where you are in your sobriety journey,"  Sam said.

Brian nodded but didn't feel that he wanted or needed to explain where he was in his journey.  As much as he wanted an answer to his question, he believed that it was up to him and Justin to decide where they went with their relationship.  

"I want to expand on this discussion.  AA does not police its members.  We are here to support our members in whatever they need,"  Sam continued.  "Life is all about relationships, but first we have to feel comfortable with our own relationship with ourselves.  Once we are comfortable with ourselves, then we can start expanding our circles."

Justin was curious about what Brian was feeling about the discussion tonight.  He wished that Gus wasn't waiting for them when they left the meeting. He felt that Brian's question really needed to be explored by the two of them.  He hoped Brian was on the same page as him but the last thing he wanted was to hurt Brian's sobriety.  He hoped they would have time to talk on the way home.  

"I'm Stan.  I just want to add something here.  AA is about growth and helping us get sober.  No one can decide when someone is ready to move to the next step in the 12 steps process.  I am responsible for my sobriety, no one else, and if I believe that my actions will impact someone else's life, then I need to do some real soul-searching. Just like no one can stop me from drinking, it is my reaction to my life that impacts my drinking. I am 100% responsible for my life."  Several people around the circle nodded their heads in agreement.  "I say if you are asking if you're ready Brian, the question you should be asking is how do I feel about my sobriety?  You know the answer and you don't need someone to give you the answer."

"Great comment, Stan.  AA is about support but ultimately each person has to make their own decisions. Decisions about drinking, decisions about relationships, decisions about work, play, and friends.  Life is about decisions and each one of us is responsible for ourselves.  We ask for help, but it is up to us,"  Sam said.  "I think we've had a great discussion tonight and I hope that everyone has a great week.  Remember there is coffee in the back and you can donate to the coffee fund if you would like.  See you next week."

Brian got up and motioned for Justin to join him.  They weren't going to stay and chat as they needed and wanted to go home and eat with Gus. When they got in the car, Justin asked, "What did you think of the topic tonight?"

Brian had many thoughts but knew he didn't have the time to explore them.  "I think we might need to wait until Gus goes to bed to answer that question.

"Okay,"  Justin said, wondering how their conversation would pan out.

TBC