God, what was it about Brian Kinney that made it impossible for me to stay away from him? One kiss, one stupid but stunning kiss, and all my logic and efforts to tell myself that Scott was the right choice flew out the window. I mean, deep down I knew I didn't even need that kiss because Brian was, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, the one I loved and wanted to be with. I don't even know why I tried so hard to fight it because there was simply no point, I just knew in my heart that Brian was the one. And I would find my way to him no matter what. Sooner or later. Of course I was still scared shitless. Right now more than ever actually, because I finally admitted to myself what I really wanted and I refused to resist it anymore. But even though Brian had made it clear that he was ready for our life together and had fought harder for me than I would have ever expected, I still couldn't shake the feeling that we might lose in the end anyway because we had already tried so many times but never lasted. So what gave us the certainty that this time would actually be different? The answer was nothing. But I no longer wanted to be controlled by fear. I wanted to be with Brian, and that's all that mattered.
"Are you watching me sleep?" Brian muttered sleepily.
"Maybe," I smiled, biting my lip.
And his eyes suddenly popped open, giving me a knowing look. And before I knew it, his hands reached out to me, pulling me under him. It was still hard to believe I was actually here with him, but feeling his body pressed against mine, his lips on my skin, his touches, his kisses, confirmed how real it really was. It felt like I could breathe again. It felt like I was home.
"Brian," I breathed between kisses.
He sighed heavily, his forehead pressed against mine. "I know, I know," he rolled off me onto his side. Giving me that look I knew so well, the look that made me weak and hard in all the right places.
"This sucks," I chewed my cheek, my hand slowly stroking Brian's naked chest. My body craved him so damn much.
"Well, you were the one who insisted that it couldn't happen like this, which is why you stopped us yesterday before I could even get your clothes off. And if you ask me, it's pretty unfair that I'm the only one naked here," his eyes darkened as his fingers dug under my shirt, making me shudder all over.
"I know," I sighed in frustration. "But... I just don't want it to happen like this, not when I still have..."
"Fiancé?" Brian raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah," I nodded, feeling so damn guilty. I knew I couldn't control what my heart wanted, even though I tried really hard, but there was no denying it anymore, but knowing that I was going to have to break Scott's heart was killing me.
"Well, I'm really glad you decided to stay the night." Brian reached out and stroked my hair.
"I couldn't just leave... not when I've wanted this for so long..." I admitted, and Brian's lips immediately curled into a smile.
"It took you a long time to say it out loud." Brian breathed a chuckle.
"Really? You got here like two days ago." I joked.
"True," he laughed. "But it felt like forever to me. I mean, I really thought," he paused, taking a deep breath. "That you were going to marry him."
"And who exactly said I'm not going to marry him?" I furrowed my brows, trying to look confused. But Brian's face immediately filled with pure horror and I just couldn't hold back the laughter. "Sorry, I just couldn't help myself." I rolled my lips in.
And Brian instantly gasped. "You little shit. You want me to have a heart attack?"
"Well, I guess it's true that at your age, I probably shouldn't risk it."
"You know what, you little asshole? Let me call Scott and have him pick you up here."
I laughed out loud, giggling like an idiot. The happiness I felt was indescribable. I so missed these moments with Brian. I so missed Brian in general. But the laughter slowly started to fade and was replaced with tears in my eyes.
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Brian moved closer to me, his hand stroking my arm. "Tell me."
"I just... I don't even know what to say to him. I care about him, Brian, and I'm not saying this because I want to hurt you, but I really do and I know this is going to break him." It was obvious that this was hard for Brian to hear, but I just needed to say it.
"You simply tell him the truth, Justin."
I scoffed. "You make it sound so easy."
"It's not and it won't be easy. It will be fucking hard. And yes it will break his heart into a million pieces, but he will get through it, Justin. Trust me, I don't know him, but I can tell he's a tough guy." Brian rubbed the side of his face where Scott had punched him, making me chuckle.
"I'm really sorry about that. He shouldn't have hit you."
"I think we've already established that I kinda deserved it."
"Yeah, but I could have just pushed you away, instead I just kept dancing with you and let you touch me..."
"So you were enjoying it, huh?" Brian smiled in satisfaction.
"Shut up," I rolled my eyes, laughing.
"I knew it, after all, I'm almost impossible to resist."
"You're so cocky."
"Mm-hmm," he hummed, nuzzling into my neck. "And you have no idea-" He swung his leg over mine and pressed himself against me, his erection pressing into the side of my thigh. "How much I want you."
I swallowed hard, licking my lips. "You just have to be patient a little longer... both of us." I said despite the fact that I wanted so badly for Brian to put his hand down my pants and I almost lost control, but I managed to gather myself and pull away from him.
"You're really killing me." Brian grunted. "You can't just lie here next to me, looking like a snack, and assume I'm going to control myself when it's been so long since we've, um... god, I'm just going to take an ice shower for my own good." He tried to get up, but I grabbed his hand and pulled him back down.
"Trust me, I want you too, so fucking much, but I just want it to be right, you know? I don't want to think about Scott when you're touching me and kissing me and... well, you know what I mean." I smiled from ear to ear.
And Brian immediately grimaced. "Well, when you put it that way, it's probably better if we wait."
"I thought so," I giggled.
"There's definitely no room for anyone else in our bed."
"Yeah?" I asked, slightly uncertain.
"What, you think otherwise?" Brian arched his brows questioningly.
"No, definitely not, it's just that before New York... there was always plenty of room for lots of men in our bed and I just... I guess I'm wondering if..." Brian suddenly put his finger to my lips and thank god he did, because I really didn't know how to say it without sounding like a complete idiot.
"A lot of things were different before New York, but that's changed, the only person I want in my bed... in our bed... is you."
I smiled widely and felt my heart fill with joy. "But just so we're clear on this, does this only apply to the bed or in general?"
"Just the bed, obviously." He said it with a serious look on his face and I stopped breathing for a second, but then his lips started to quiver and he burst out laughing. "You have to admit, you kinda deserved it."
"You know, you're lucky you've already been punched."
"Well, lucky me." He pressed his tongue to his cheek. But then his face softened and lit up in a way I'd never seen, he was looking at me with those gorgeous eyes full of love and happiness, like I was the most beautiful thing in the entire world, and I just knew he loved me more than words could ever express. "I'm so happy you're here."
"I'm happy too," I smiled and took his face in my hands, just gazing at him before I leaned in and kissed him softly. And as much as I wanted to go further, I knew I had to do something first. Something that couldn't be put off any longer. "I really hate to ruin this moment..."
"But you will do it anyway," he sighed, burying his face in my neck, guessing where I was probably heading.
"I need to go talk to him." I simply ripped off the band-aid.
"Can't you just shoot him a text?"
"How genius, why didn't I just think of that? 'Hey Scott, sorry I can't make it to our wedding today because I've decided to go back to my ex. Good luck in life. Love, Justin.' Where's my phone? I can do that right now."
"You're so annoying." Brian rolled his eyes. "But I really hope I'm more than just 'your ex'."
I let out a soft chuckle and looked deeply into his eyes. "You are so much more than that. You are the love of my life. I was just too stubborn to admit it."
"Extremely stubborn." Brian sighed heavily, a little smile playing on the edges of his lips. "But I'm really glad you've come to your senses and I don't have to crash the wedding to present all the reasons why you shouldn't get married."
I laughed, but I couldn't help but ask. "Would you really do that? I mean, Michael told me you said you'd wait until morning and then go back to Pittsburgh, so... would you come to the wedding?"
"Honestly... I don't think so," he breathed, and I could tell he feared my reaction. But how could I be mad about that, I mean, of course my heart clenched at the thought of Brian actually giving up on me, but I couldn't blame him, not when I was trying so hard to push him away. The only person to blame would be me.
"Well, I'd probably be waiting for you at the airport, so... you wouldn't get rid of me that easily." I rolled my lips in with a grin on my face.
"Oh, probably?"
"Mhm... I'd say abouuut 97 percent."
"You know what, for your own good, I suggest you just stop talking."
"Then make me," I smiled teasingly.
And he was more than happy to do it, pulling me close to his chest. My lips instantly parted as Brian ran a finger over them, and soon that hand grabbed the back of my neck and he closed the gap between our mouths. Ever since Brian had shown up I had wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on mine, though I tried to push the thought away any way I could, but now that it was finally happening I couldn't get enough of it. I was so hungry for him. Feeling his tongue against mine made my heart pound like crazy. And it made my dick hard within seconds. It was so fucking hot.
"God, I want to take your clothes off so fucking bad." He breathed against my lips. And I was so close to letting him do it. "But, and I can't believe I'm saying this-" He paused and took a deep breath. "You need to go talk to him first. So let me take a shower and then we can go."
"What?" I laughed out loud. "You can't go."
"Why not?"
"Because for one thing, he'd kill you..."
"How about you have some faith in me?"
"And second, I can't have you there with me."
"Why? I won't say a word, you won't even know I'm there." He pretended to lock his mouth.
"Brian!" I laughed again. "You can't come with me." I really thought he was messing with me, because why on earth would he want to come with me, but then it dawned on me. "You're scared... scared I'll change my mind when I see him." The fact that he didn't answer was an answer in itself. "Brian, it's not going to happen, okay? I love you and only you. I'm sorry it took me so long to say it, but I promise seeing Scott won't change that."
"I hope not. Because that would really suck."
"I'm sorry, Brian, but you're stuck with me." I shrugged, smiling.
"Good." He smiled back, pulling me into his arms and hugging me tightly. "And what if I wait outside?"
"Still not," I chuckled.
Brian grunted, but finally decided it was better to give up. Then he headed to take a shower, and even though he suggested I join him, he understood when I refused, even though it was very hard to say no. But I just couldn't allow myself to enjoy these moments with Brian, knowing that Scott was waiting for me at home, expecting me to marry him. So as much as I hated not telling Brian, I quietly snuck out of the room and went to do what was necessary.