Justin knew he was stalling by postponing his conversation with Brian, but somehow getting involved again with him did wonders to his anxiety. Being in a relationship with Brian would be as easy as breathing, but when they would disagree on some matter and it would escalate into a fight, he knew Nick was going to suffer.

Besides finding excuses about not talking to Brian, both of them were extremely busy.

Brian was swamped in meetings and long hours at Kinnetik.

Justin had found a new gallery willing to show his paintings and even offered him a section to display his art in an upcoming show in June for Pride Month.

It was barely April, and Justin had never been so nervous to be part of a show.

Justin couldn’t sleep, and he used the energy he had left to complete one of Nick’s drawings for school.

“You’ll get an A plus for that,” Brian said from above him.

Justin laughed, glancing at him. “I swear, he didn’t inherit my talent in this department. But somehow he got hooked on music.”

“I heard him playing the piano. He’s okay.” Brian sat on the other side of the table. “Maybe don’t turn that pear into a piece of art, or his teacher will think Nick is a genius.”

Justin scowled, pushing away the paper and colored pencils.

“Can’t sleep?” Brian asked casually.

Ever since their fight and common agreement to be civil toward each other, everything had changed.

“It’s the full moon. You know I don’t sleep on such nights.”

“I had no idea you were part werewolf,” Brian joked.

Justin huffed, amused. He picked one of the pencils to shift his focus on something else other than Brian’s deep eyes.

“Does the offer to share a room still stand?”

“You decided to stop tormenting your child in his sleep?”

“It’s the other way round. He kicks worse than me.” Justin looked up to find Brian watching him amused. “This doesn’t mean anything…yet. I meant it when I said baby steps.”

Brian pushed his tongue in his cheek, rolling his eyes. “Do you want to date?”

“That’s not your style, and it’s not mine, either. Besides, we already know each other.”

“For a while there, I didn’t know you at all. You’ve recently started acting like the Justin I know.”

“Yeah, I don’t know…I put walls so it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Try reinforced fortifications.” Brian reached over to touch his hand. “It’s us, Justin. We’ll make it work.”

“We have to, because I can’t go through heartache anymore.”

“Let me show you I didn’t lie to your mother when I said I plan on changing my lifestyle.” Brian held up a finger when Justin was ready to protest. “Ever since you left for New York, I had reduced the number of tricks.”

“I figured that,” Justin mumbled, squeezing Brian's hand.

“After we broke up, I didn’t go out for about a month. My first trick was many weeks later, during one of my business meetings in Miami. Then, I came back and while I was holding the bar at Babylon, chatting with Emmett, I figured none of the men held any meaning to me. I took some of them to the Backroom, only to meet my primal needs or I would go crazy after having to deal with all the stress at work.”

“Jesus…I can’t believe this, but then again, I have come to understand some of the changes you were making back then were for you, as well.”

“At first, I did it all for you. I knew what you wanted, and I was willing to give it a try. I was aware I was going to fail at some point, but not as monumentally as I did.”

Justin had a clearer mind now, and he was in a good place mentally, ready to have a mature conversation with Brian about their break-up.

“Did you really allow that bear to fuck you?”

Brian winced. “I have no idea what it looked like to you, but I was doing the fucking. The other guy was…well, I have no fucking idea what he was doing, but he was definitely not fucking me.”

“Christ. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so insecure and crushed. And when you started telling me about branching out Kinnetik, it felt like another way to keep me in that mess we called a relationship.”

“It wasn’t a mess. We made it work pretty well.”

Justin shot him a skeptical look. “How many times did we cancel on each other about visits? Long distance relationships work…but not for us. We always had a more physical thing, admit it. The last time I spoke to Lindsay, not long after we broke up, she told me she expected the distance was going to affect our relationship.”

“And we proved her right,” Brian scoffed, pursing his lips.

Justin slipped his hand away from Brian's, linking his fingers on his lap, staring at the drawing of the pear. He sighed loudly, glancing at Brian, only to find him watching him curiously.

“I needed a familiar face …shit, that sounds terrible,” Justin cringed. “I really felt bad for Ethan, that’s why I took him with me to New York. My honest intention was to get him back on his feet. I had connections in the music world, too.”

“And you got more than you bargained for.”

“He had no idea how to thank me for saving him. I made my intention clear from the moment I offered to take him with me. I told him I only wanted to help.” Justin looked away, allowing tears of anguish to fill his eyes. “One night, some weeks after I brought him to New York, I got drunk at an after party for a small display of my paintings. It was a tiny section, part of a bigger show. When I got home, I told Ethan everything. I told him we were engaged to be married, then we cancelled the wedding and I moved to New York, but we tried to keep up pretense. I told him about how we broke up. He told me from that moment I was going to forgive you. Part of me knew that as well, but I’m stubborn.”

“Don’t I know?” Brian snorted.

“So I refused to allow myself to think of you. I cut off all my contact with everyone. I even believed starting a relationship with Ethan was a good idea. He was safe. I knew him, and I knew what to expect. I also told him if he dared to cheat on me, I was going to kick his ass straight to Central Park without any remorse.”

“Right,” Brian said slowly, remembering Justin's confession about the fiddler cheating on him being the reason why they had broken up.

Justin found Brian's eyes, and he held himself from crying at the realization of how stupid he had been. “I wasn’t happy. You were right. I fooled myself that was what I needed. I created this perfect life in my head, and sort of induced to myself that our life was unicorns and rainbows.”

“I figured as much.”

“Until we both managed to make names for ourselves, it was a struggle with the money, which triggered many fights. When you were brought up in conversation randomly, it turned into monstrous fights. I often left the studio and walked around aimlessly. During those times, the desire to call you and make amends was overwhelming. But then I reminded myself, I would be even more hurt in a relationship with you, so I returned to Ethan, and we both pretended the fight didn’t exist.” Justin ran a hand through his hair. “When we got married, we were the happiest. We had decent income by then, our relationship was strong, so I agreed to have a baby with him. In our bubble in New York, everything was perfect. My phone calls to Daphne were always like a wake-up call to reality, and I kept all our conversations brief. She loves to go in details and start talking about things I don’t really care. When she brought you or one of the boys in conversation, it was my cue to cut our calls.”

“He was convenient,” Brian said softly.

“I hate to admit it, but yes. Like a comfort blanket when you feel depressed.”

“I always told you apologies and excuses are not worth it. We both made mistakes. I hope we both learned from them, and now we can move on…carry on…without repeating history.”

Justin sniffed, wiping his eyes. “I hope so, too.”

Brian stood, extending his hand. “Let’s get some shut eye.”

Justin smiled, taking Brian’s hand. For him, it felt like he put his whole trust once again in the man in front of him.

Brian returned his smile, squeezing his hand. “I promise to not hurt you again.”

Justin swallowed thickly. “I trust you.”

“No, you don’t. Not yet.”

“I believe you,” Justin averted, laughing a little.

Brian opened the bedroom door, leading Justin inside. He left him by the bed, continuing to the adjoined bathroom.

Justin stood at the foot of the bed, staring at the rumpled sheets, before crawling on the left side. He was in the process of pulling the blanket on him when Brian joined him, rolling on his side and propping his head in his hand.

“What?” Justin stared at him warily. He was too close, and he hoped Brian didn’t expect sex, because Justin wasn’t ready for that step.

Brian smiled, tucking the blanket over Justin's shoulders. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too. I missed this.”

Brian lowered on the bed. “Try not to hog the blanket,” he said playfully, pulling half of it over his body.

“I’ve learned to share.”

Brian didn’t believe him for a second, but gave him the benefit of the doubt until he would wake up in a few hours shivering.

#

Several hours later, Brian was the first to wake up. As he had predicted, Justin was wrapped in the blanket, curled on his side of the bed.

He had to lean over to check if Justin was awake, because judging by how tense his shoulders looked, Brian thought he was awake. To his surprise, Justin was fast asleep. Brian wasn’t sure how someone could be so tense while asleep, what sort of problems could cause such stress.

He had to find a way to relax Justin and regain his trust.

After brushing his teeth, Brian went to the guest room to check on Nick. The little boy was in a similar position to his father, though much more relaxed in his slumber.

While Brian prepared the coffee, Nick joined him, not entirely awake. He climbed on a chair, rubbing at his eyes.

It was only six-thirty.

“Why don’t you sleep some more?” Brian suggested.

“I can’t. Uh, where’s Daddy?”

“Still asleep,” Brian answered.

“He wasn’t in our bed.”

Brian winced, because they hadn’t discussed what they were going to tell Nick. “Because he was in mine.”

Nick’s eyes widened as he stared bewildered at Brian. “You finally listened to me.”

Brian laughed. Trust Justin's kid to be so blunt and believe he had played matchmaker for his dad.

“So, are you boyfriends now?” Nick seemed more alert and interested in their love life.

“I don’t know what you think happened, but it’s not like that,” Brian explained, sitting next to Nick at the table.

“So, tonight Daddy will sleep again with me?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Did you kiss at least?”

“Nicolas,” Justin gasped from the doorway, scandalized. He lifted a brow at Brian, unsure what he had walked on in.

“Daddy, is Brian your boyfriend now?” Nick skipped to Justin's side, taking one of his hand in both of his. “Are you moving into his bedroom?”

“Anything to get rid of me, I see,” Justin mumbled, going to fill a mug with coffee. He met Brian's eyes as he answered his son’s first question. “I guess you can say he is my boyfriend, though that term is juvenile.”

Nick huffed, folding his arms across his chest and turning to Brian. “You have to fix this. You said it’s not like that.”

Brian laughed. “I just had no idea where we stood. Nick played matchmaker. He thinks it’s his doing that we got together.”

“Is that so?” Justin laughed.

“Well, you both like, like each other. And I like Brian. And yes, I’m happy to have the bed to myself.”

“Oh, my God,” Justin wheezed. “I’m not awake enough to have this conversation with you.”

“You should eat something,” Brian suggested, going to get the cereal box.

“Not hungry.”

“Then go get ready for school. Oh, and take the drawing from the table.”

“Oh!” Nick hurried to pick the paper. “Cool! You’re awesome, Daddy. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Justin ruffled his son’s hair, watching amused as he ran out of the kitchen. He went to the chair Nick had vacated, slumping on it. “I’m so tired.”

“You should have slept more.”

“The sun was in my eyes.”

“Whose bright idea was to choose that room as the master bedroom? Oh, but imagine how beautiful it will be to watch the sunrise every morning,” Brian said mockingly.

“You should never listen to me.” Justin yawned loudly, placing his head over his folded arms on the table. “I call dibs on the right side of the bed.”

“No way in hell.”

“Come on. You always wake up early,” Justin protested.

“We just have to remember to close the drapes.”

“Mhmmm,” Justin hummed noncommittedly.