CHAPTER 23: Unfaithful- Rihanna

Story of my life/ Searching for the right/ But it keeps avoiding me

Sorrow in my soul/ Cause it seems that wrong/ Really loves my company

He's more than a man/ And this is more than love/ The reason that the sky is blue

The clouds are rolling in/ Because I'm gone again/ And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful/ And it kills him inside/ To know that I am happy with some other guy/ I can see him dying/ I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna be the reason why/ Every time I walk out the door/ I see him die a little more inside/ I don't wanna hurt him anymore/ I don't wanna take away his life

I don't wanna be/ A murderer

Written by Mikkel Eriksen, Shaffer Smith, Tor Erik Hermansen • Copyright © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

Ethan

Fucking hell! Justin has cancelled on me again! Says that he needs to work in L.A. until the last possible minute, before returning to prep for the auction during Carnivale. It’s bullshit! He would make time if it was Daphne, or any of the other suckers from Liberty Avenue, but not for me!

This is happening more and more lately. He knew that this competition was not only important to me, but also to Phoebe, who is the one friend of mine he actually likes. So he should be here to celebrate our success- especially MY achievement- with me, instead of being away. I knew I should have forbade him going out there in the first fucking place. It’s only put more distance between us, and I’m not talking simply about the three-thousand fucking miles!

Which brings me to question, yet again, why I still haven’t been able to track down that fucking Kinney? I thought getting Justin around more of our peers would finally erase the influence of that vulgar crew he used to hang out with, those over-the-hill whiners and complainers. If I’m honest with myself, I’m jealous that they seem to know more about him than I do lately. Take Emmett, for example... I don’t necessarily mind that Justin still keeps up with him, or Ted.

But that fucking Daphne, I could certainly do without! After all, she’s a girl, and couldn't possibly have anything more in common with Justin, beyond a shared history. It doesn't mean she has a place in his life NOW! Besides, even though she hasn’t said anything to me directly since the last incident at the cafe at Carnegie, I can still feel her contempt for me whenever Justin and I are around her. Or even when she’s in the presence of Phoebe.

I'm his fucking boyfriend, and she should RESPECT my place as such!

I’ve spoken to Justin, and told him that sometimes childhood friends are meant to stay in our childhood. But Justin's told me in no uncertain terms that his relationship with Daphne was off limits to discuss at any point in time; that she’s his best friend and that was the end of it. It isn’t, but that’s neither here nor there right now! I will continue to work on Justin, until he finally acknowledges that I’m right. I know he has to see that I am, since she can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be a gay man.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that they have a history. But he and I are building a future together! I absolutely REFUSE to believe that we aren’t, regardless of the distance between us as a couple right now. However, in order for US to happen and succeed the way I want us to, he has to let go of everyone associated with his past. Which brings me back to Emmett…

No matter what we are doing, Justin clamors to get the phone when Emmett is calling. I was sucking his cock a few months ago, really enjoying myself, and I thought that Justin was, too. But the minute the phone rang and he saw it was Emmett, he pushed me off of him and left me with a hard on. They stayed on the phone for an hour, before I decided to just leave the apartment. I figured since I wasn’t going to be making love, I might as well practice for the competition.

I went to the studio on campus, so that Justin could catch up with his friend. But by the time I arrived back home, he was then on the phone with Ted discussing financial projections, or some other such bullshit. I didn’t fucking care; I just wanted to get off! So I marched over there, and snatched the phone out of his hand, and told him that Justin would call him the next day. I didn’t even give him the courtesy of a ‘goodbye’.

But my plan backfired, because instead of Justin paying attention to me, he grabbed his coat, cellphone, messenger bag, and laptop then left. He didn’t even tell me where he was going, but I assume he spent the night with his bitchy fag hag. God, I really hate that bitch! She interferes with all of my plans for it to be just me and Justin. And so does his painting!

He’s going to have to make a choice soon. Because I won’t keep playing second fiddle to everything in his life, especially not while he’s playing with his paints. Since I’ll be the one with all the money- especially with what Michael has paid me, and Justin won’t have a source of income, since we’ll be traveling- I’ll see to it that his attention is where it really belongs… Completely on me, and not on his fucking hobby!

“Justin’s not coming?” Pheobe asks, as she hugs me from behind.

“No. He said that he would see you tomorrow, when he gets back into Pittsburgh. He’s in the studio, gripped by some form of inspiration or another.” I tried hard to smile and keep the sneer out of my voice, but she must have picked up on it anyway.

“Hey Ethan, don’t be like that! How many times have you gotten up in the middle of the night, seeking your instrument because you dreamt what a chord should really sound like? It’s no different with artists of any other kind. With me, there were many nights that I got up from a sound sleep, and needed to hammer out a particularly haunting chord in Moonlight Sonata. Can you imagine what would have happened if I had ignored the urge, and just rolled over and went back to sleep? Would I be leaving for a European tour to play with Yanni in three days? No, I wouldn’t. And you wouldn’t be going to play with the Harrisburg Philharmonic on Sunday, either. So just cut Justin some slack! From what I’ve seen of his paintings and other projects he’s working on, his star shines bright, Ethan.”

I sighed. I know that she was right but… “I think he’s seeing someone else.” When she just looked at me, I told her, “You don’t seem surprised.”

Phoebe smiled at me then, a thoughtful expression creasing her brow in direct contrast to the bright smile. “My grandmother once told me, ‘Chile, be careful how you get a man ‘cause you’re liable to lose him the same way.’ I didn’t understand the statement then, since I was younger. But knowing the history of you and Justin, I think that old adage applies here, don’t you?”

“Justin would never cheat on me!” I could help the indignance in my voice.

“No, he wouldn’t intentionally do that to anyone. And he didn’t intentionally do it before either, did he? Ethan, you are my friend and I love you. It means that I am also willing to tell you the truth, while braving your wrath. You were WRONG to pursue Justin, when you knew the score with him and Brian.” Before I could argue, she stopped me by holding up a hand. “Now that’s not to say that he wasn’t wrong, as well. But you knew more about Justin’s situation than he did about your motives. Having sex is one thing, and as I understand it, Brian and Justin had an open relationship with a one-fuck only policy…”

“How do you know all this?”

“Between Daphne, and Justin himself, I have learned a lot. Other things that I’ve learned are through just good old fashioned observation. So here is what I observed about you, before you just ‘happened up’ at the Rage party. You pursued Justin, knowing that at the time he was feeling a little out of his depth with Brian. You did it callously and coldly, without thought or regard for how Justin would hurt afterward. You facilitated a kiss in a crowded room, where all of the occupants knew of Brian and Justin’s no kissing rule. You were the epitome of bold and calculating! And I’m very sorry to have to tell you this my friend, but how ever Karma bites you in the ass now, you deserve it.”

I didn’t have a chance to respond because LeRoy came up to us then, wanting to know about both of our tours and appearances. But all the while we were talking of the future, my mind was stuck in the past. Was Phoebe right? Did I really cause the breakup of Liberty Avenue’s ‘royal couple’, or was I just in the right place at the right time for Michael to use? And what part did Lindsay really play in all of this?

That was the one thing I really could never figure out. What was her intent in making sure that I met Justin, and that Michael paid me handsomely to get into the middle of Brian and Justin’s relationship? Every time I asked directly, I was told it was none of my business by Michael, then disregarded entirely by Lindsay. And yet, here is Phoebe telling me her opinion of my actions regarding Justin. Could she be right, that I deserve this feeling of despair gnawing at my chest and gut?

Phoebe saying all she did about my actions, aloud for me to hear- as if telling a story to a captive audience- makes everything I’ve done regarding Justin, sound really bad. It’s true that I wanted Justin. I want him still, at any cost. He’s fucking beautiful! I mean, why should Brian Kinney be the only one allowed to have the hot boyfriend?!

Even now men- and some women, despite knowing he’s gay- still want Justin. But did I really do more harm than good by pursuing him? Is that why he is fighting my attempts to make our lives just about us so hard? Would I have still done this to him, even without the offer of money? Granted those people were there for him during a time in his life that I have very limited knowledge of; Justin doesn’t talk about it much.

Now I wonder why that is.

Yet I’m so fucking afraid to ask him about it, and about his real connection to the Liberty Avenue ‘family’. It's because I don’t want to hear him sing their praises, while I still pale in comparison. I will definitely mull over Phoebe’s words a bit more. Perhaps it’s not time for Justin to make a choice, after all. Maybe it’s time for me to make some decisions of my own instead.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*ADLS

Phoebe

Hopefully me just pointing out the error of Ethan’s ways will get him to let Justin go, and be happy. The last thing I want to do is tell what I know about this entire thing. Ethan is my best friend, but that doesn’t have to mean I condone what he’s done and is doing to Justin Taylor. It’s selfish and self-serving! What Brian’s friends have done is…

I can’t even categorize the unspeakable machinations as anything else but extreme hate!

The funny thing is I can’t determine whom they hate more: Justin or Brian. Granted, Justin’s beautiful and talented in every way they apparently are not. He’s also intelligent, successful, and a survivor of things that would have just about killed anyone else, not only physically but emotionally and spiritually. But not Justin. No, he has an amazing determination and endurance anyone with a lick of sense would envy.

My grandmother would call Justin Taylor, the personification of 'Staying Power'.

As for Brian, I don’t know him very well. But from what I’ve heard from Daphne and a few others, Brian Kinney has also worked for any, and everything he has, to the point of sacrificing all of it, just to keep a modicum of his integrity. He’s morally conscious in a way that few people would acknowledge, or understand. Whereas most situations are black and white to people- including matters of the heart, such as they are- Brian lives in the gray area, without compromising his own life code. As Daphne explained it, Brian doesn’t think someone should have to live an unsatisfactory life for the sake of someone else, hence the no commitment edict between him and Justin. 

He never wanted Justin to feel trapped in a web of their own making; one built of a false sense of fear, loyalty, obligation, or security. I think that’s admirable of him since it lets Brian and his partner choose to be together, instead of being obligated to stick it out when they are both miserable. 

The trouble with Ethan is that although he wants Justin, he also wants the money he's got from this Novotny character. He also wants the adoration and validation he gets from his groupie, LeRoy. The fact that he didn’t tell me about his infidelity with LeRoy is also striking, especially when Ethan has a tendency to brag about his conquests and how they would do anything for him. With Ethan, there is a level of delusion that will never see where he is wrong. The ultimate narcissist!

Ethan does believe what he says to people, in the moment, but his loyalty changes with the wind. And it always lies with who can do the most for him. I would say that he’s like most people, but I really would like to believe he isn’t. I hope that most people are able to be honest with themselves, at least enough to know when they are lying. He expects everyone to be in awe- an eternal groupie- to his supposed genius.

Which is clearly something Justin will NEVER be.

Justin has his own goals, aspirations, and stars to reach. I didn’t lie to Ethan, when I said something to that effect moments ago. Sadly, I can’t say the same about LeRoy though, since he seems to crave Ethan’s regard even knowing about Justin. Maybe that’s all LeRoy wants in life, and that’s where his self-worth lies, regardless of his own talent. All I know is that I could never be that way, and neither can Justin.

He wasn’t that way with Brian, and he certainly wouldn’t be that way for Ethan.

I happily move off from Ethan, gushing about his upcoming tour with LeRoy. I suspect that the other man is fishing for information, so that he can follow Ethan around like the long lost and lustful puppy he is. I don’t get it though; LeRoy is supremely talented all by himself. He could easily become a rising star on Broadway if he applies himself; he’s such a gifted singer and dancer. But would he rather give all of that up for Ethan?

You know, I used to have a problem being alone since I’m painfully shy and a smidge naive about dating in general. But now, I’m not so sure. I think being unencumbered by all this young adult relationship business has worked to my advantage, in so many ways. I don’t have to worry about not following my dream of playing with Yanni, because of someone else’s potentially hurt feelings; thankfully Rob's not like that. But not everyone is like him and Brian in that they are willing to step aside, so their partner can make a career for themselves.

Brian certainly isn’t begrudging or jealous of Justin’s talent, the way Ethan is.

Instead he is supportive… Always has been, and I suspect he always will be. Justin wouldn’t have to sacrifice his career to maintain a relationship with Brian, if that was what he wanted. It’s part of what makes Brian a man, whereas Ethan remains a spoiled, selfish boy! It’s funny how clearly I can see the real Ethan Gold, now that I know what to look for.

I never knew that side of his personality, until he met Justin and Daphne; he’s hidden his avaricious nature that well from me for most of our lives. And all the while spouting how honest and true he is. For me, the bottom line is that he wants to be everything Brian Kinney is, without working for it! I suppose I’m grateful to know about it now, since it will make the separation between him and I a bit easier. Just knowing that we’ll be travelling in different circles while touring, and the fact that I won’t have to be bothered if I choose not to be, is becoming an even bigger relief than I ever thought possible when thinking about my childhood friend.

Sometimes, childhood should stay exactly where it belongs… in the past.

I should be ashamed of the way I’m picking Ethan apart in my mind, but I’m not. Somewhere within myself, I should probably feel troubled by the fact that I’m not sorry. But again, I’m not. And the fact that I’m not bothered by any of what I’m thinking or feeling is… I pull out my cellphone, opening up the instant messaging application to the only other person who could possibly understand my dilemma at this moment.

Me: Hey Daphne…. Where are you right now?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*ADLS

Daphne

The sequence of texts was kinda weird and vague coming from Phoebe. I was just about to leave the apartment to join her at her congratulatory bon voyage party, when she texted to ask where I am right now. Then she tells me to stay here and that she’s coming over for a PJ-Netflix jam session. But still that wasn’t the strange part. No, that was covered by the message about her being tired of being around a specific pretentious asshole and his ever-present sycophant.

Out of all the people that Phoebe hangs out with, I would say about ninety-five percent of them are pretentious assholes with sycophantic groupies to stroke their huge egos about their genius. In fact, within the artistic crowd, I would say that Phoebe and Justin are the only two who don’t exhibit those qualities. Perhaps that’s because I’ve come to know the sweet, decent person Phoebe is. It doesn’t just stem from the way she took care of Justin during his hospital stay, after the bashing. It’s that she genuinely tries to see the best in everyone; to believe in the innate goodness of humanity.

She’s one of those people who has an unfaked air of innocence and naivete about them. Personally, I hope it’s a trait she never loses... although maybe just hide it a bit so she’s not unduly taken advantage of. But I don’t want her to ever become hard and at times defensive the way Justin has, due to a set of circumstances beyond his control. As for Justin, there is only so much he would be able to hide from a person he took baths with from the time he was four until we reached puberty.

In short, I know Justin Cole Taylor very well and I know he absolutely abhors phony people.

WASP manners are pretty much taught from the crib. So it’s always annoying to watch a bunch of wannabes, trying the affectations on for the sake of looking down on others to make themselves feel good. The lot of them are mean-spirited bullies if you ask me, and are destined to be brought down by any real WASP they should run into during their travels, people like Ethan especially. He may have been brought up in the same environment as Justin and me, but he's still a low class ass. But hey, what do I know?

I was only born into it.

But back to Phoebe… She comes into the apartment with a pair of footie pajamas on, and I’m laughing and jealous by turns. I remember crying because I had outgrown my favorite pair when I was about five, which also set Justin to crying inconsolably. Our moms just shook their heads, and let us cope with it together. It’s funny what you remember when you least expect it.

And I can’t help but wonder right now, if Justin would have forgotten that along with everything else.

It still saddens me, and pisses me off, that Justin can’t remember the most magical moment of his life… And vicariously it was mine, too! I’ve tried to call Brian, but he hasn’t returned my calls. I just wanted to make sure he was okay, having not talked to him since the day before Justin officially left for California. I remember asking him if he finally thought it was time the two of them got over themselves, and actually talked.

What was ironic about being in Brian’s new office, is that not only was it the place Justin told me he and Brian first had sex in public, but that there Brian was letting that carefully crafted mask he wore for the world slip. And the person who should have seen it wasn’t there. I was. Wherever Brian is, I hope he comes back with a new determination to reclaim Justin. It’s long past time they both got their heads out of their own asses, and back into each others!

“I see the look of envy, Daph, although you cover it well,” Phebes tells me, and although she’s joking I can see something behind her eyes that makes the whole experience not ring quite true.

“What’s wrong?”

“We’ll get to talking in a moment, but since I will be leaving out of here on Sunday, I thought we should have our pajama party a few days early. Carnivale is tomorrow night, and then I have to pack up my apartment since I’m subletting it for the time I’m away. It will be a busy couple of days, before I start my new journey.”

There is sadness and excitement mixed into the deep honeyed voice. But the one thing I don’t hear- which I’m glad about- is fear. Phoebe has worked so hard for this, and I can’t think of anyone more deserving. “You’re so ready for this new adventure, Phebes! And don’t forget, I’m going to come see your first show. Any idea where it’s going to be yet?”

She smiled brightly at me, which is what I hoped for. “The Acropolis in Greece. Oh my God! Daphne, my first live show is going to be at the fucking Acropolis! Can you believe it?”

“Hey, while you’re doing your happy dance, give me my footies so I can change and we’ll do it together. In the meantime, you’re on popcorn!” I snatch the pjs from her, laughing at the childlike grin on her face as she shakes her pigtails.

A little while later, after jumping up and down on the couch like badass five-year-olds, we’re settled with our popcorn and rootbeer floats. I have to admit that I will miss these moments with her. “So what’s up with you, Phebes? And don’t hand me any shit; straight talk only. Besides this will be the last time we gab without a phone line or computer between us, for awhile. Kinda feeling…”

“I know,” she says, in a quiet voice. “It’s almost surreal, in a sense. I can’t believe that all I have been working for so far has culminated into this.”

“So why don’t you seem happy, at times? You should be rising with the sun and jumping over the moon!”

“Oh, I am... Well, about going on tour with Yanni.”

“So why did you leave the party early? I thought we would be dancing til dawn. Nothing happened with Robert did it?” Robert is the guy she’s been seeing for about a year. Well when their schedules allowed it anyway. He’s a music professor at PIFA, significantly older, but an absolutely wonderful man.”

“God, no! In fact, he’s taking the summer off to be with me during the tour before he’s due back on campus. He’s looking forward to watching me 'light up the night', as he puts it. It will be the first time that we’re really on our own, and the great thing is that we won’t have to hide our relationship. Even though he wasn’t my teacher, it still would have been frowned upon by the uptight administration. I swear for a bunch of old straight guys, they’re awfully concerned about who’s sticking their dicks where.”

Nodding I agree with her. “Sadly, the idiots in office are just as concerned, instead of worrying about their own dicks. But if Robert isn’t what’s got you down, what is it?”

“Ethan.”

“What about him? He’s going to tour with the Harrisburg Orchestra, right? I mean, come on! He's on his way to Germany, for goodness sake; don’t tell me the asshole is projecting his jealousy onto you?!”

“No, it’s nothing like that.” She stops, and bites her lips briefly before continuing. “It’s nothing like that... but it is something.”

“Look, if you don’t want to tell me…”

“It’s not that! I do want to tell you, I do. It’s just that… Well I’m afraid of what you’ll do.”

Now that statement brought me up short. The only thing that could make me go ballistic with Ethan, is if he hurts Justin. Wait a minute! “What’s he done Phoebe?” I ask, amazed at the controlled calm my voice has taken on. Somehow I just know that I will definitely regret not beating his ass, the way I did Michael’s at the hospital. “I promise not to kill him… Maybe I’ll just hurt him real bad, but I don’t fancy wearing state-issued bracelets and jumpsuits which do absolutely nothing for my figure. Feel better now?”

I watch as her chest heaves with a huge sigh of relief. So whatever it is, I know that was what worried her the most. The question is: was the worry for him? Or for me?

“I know what happened to Justin’s car,” she says with a calmness I know she doesn’t feel. When I go to ask her what she knows, she tells me, “Remember your promise, Daph... please?”

“Okay,” I say, through gritted teeth as she looks at me through narrowed eyes, gauging my ability to keep my word.

Whatever she saw there must have reassured her because the entire story- as she knows it- comes pouring out of her non-stop within seconds. As she speaks of the confrontation she witnessed between Michael and Ethan on PIFA’s campus a few weeks ago, it becomes clear why she’s been keeping her distance from him. The weasels- both the chin rat and the chest rat- have been fucking busy! Then there was that mixed up, on-again-off-again dyke bitch, Lindsay, thrown into this shit! I always thought she had something to do with how Justin ended up at that recital for Ethan, especially since he prefers classical piano music to full orchestral renditions, except for Moonlight Sonata, Canon in D and the Nutcracker.

Oh that BITCH!! And they paid Ethan ten grand to break Brian and Justin up?!

I reach for my phone, but she stops me. “You can’t tell him yet, Daph.”

“Why the fuck not?! Do you realize what you’ve just told me? Michael and Lindsay arranged for Ethan to fuck with Justin’s head and self-worth! Then Lindsay fucks with Ethan's head enough that she coerced him into vandalizing Justin’s car, landing my best friend in the hospital! And on top of all that, Michael used Justin’s own money to PAY that fucking bastard! Oh my God! I want to kill all three of them!”

“Ethan doesn’t know that I know all of this. He isn’t even aware that I heard his conversation yesterday, before his competition. Does the name Melanie Marcus ring a bell?”

“Yeah, she’s Lindsay’s partner and Justin’s lawyer. In fact, she’s working the case against Michael.”

“Well, I think you’d better call her over so that I can tell her all of this, before I lose my nerve. But there is more…”

“What more could there possibly be?” Fuck! Just the information she’s already given me is enough to make my head explode.

“LeRoy.”

“What about him?”

“I think he may know more about this, since he’s been fucking Ethan since before Justin became involved. They were in their off-again phase when Ethan met Justin, but had become on-again shortly after Ethan accomplished getting Justin away from Brian. He’s going to be hurt in all of this, regardless if he was wrong for continuing the relationship, or not. I just don’t want LeRoy brought low because of something he barely has anything to do with; because he genuinely loves a faithless man, incapable of loving anyone but himself. This crap hitting the fan is already going to destroy him emotionally, in ways he doesn't deserve. In fact, he's of the notion that when Ethan leaves, he's going with him.

"Ethan accepted that money with the stipulation he would remove Justin from Brian’s life AND from Pittsburgh. So my guess is that the money- wherever it is- it's still intact. After all, he was planning on using it to whisk Justin away. Somehow- and I hate to say this- I don't think it would have mattered to Ethan if Justin agreed to go or not.”

I had to let the last part of what Pheobe said go for now. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to keep my word to her, and would have gone hunting for that grease-monkey motherfucker, who I want to crush even more than Michael and Lindsay right now. How fucking dare he?! How dare THEY?! And when I think of all my best friend has done since being manipulated into leaving Home...

“Meanwhile Justin has damn near been killing himself, trying to pay for everything from the utilities in that fucking hovel of Ethan’s, to his car, so that he could be independent while having a roof over his head. Those fucking bitches! I have to call Melanie, but I want to know what made you tell me tonight? You've been sitting on this information for... weeks?”

She nods, before responding. “Yes. But I just realized that I couldn’t leave without Justin having some backup, especially knowing what I know now about Ethan, and his motives. I told Ethan off, and then made the final decision while I watched him lead LeRoy around by his finely-trimmed nose hairs. I still love Ethan, but I can’t stand the person he’s become because of his greed and pretensions; a person without a shred of integrity and willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants no matter the cost to others, even if it means selling his own soul!

"A person like Ethan shouldn’t be allowed to get away with this, but that’s entirely up to Justin. He should at least have all of the information, in order to make a solid decision about his future. Which is something they have been keeping from him- or toying with to suit their own ends- for a long time, from what I gathered by Michael's screeching... Even before Lindsay enticed Ethan into doing hers and Michael's bidding. I know that Justin’s been feeling cynical and disillusioned about a lot of things lately; I’m just sorry that his own self-worth was one of those things.”

I picked up the phone and dialed Mel. She said that she would be right over, and that she was bringing Gus with her since Brian was out of town. I told her not to forget her briefcase because it was important. I was about to ask her where Lindsay was when it dawned on me... All was not right within Muncher Mansion, as Justin so often calls it.

I turned to look at Phebes again and smiled. “Mel’s on her way. I think you just managed to find the missing pieces to her case. And she is going to love you for it!”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*ADLS

Justin

Fuck! I don’t want to go back. I don’t… But we have to. It’s been so peaceful here all week, it actually feels like years since we’ve been here.

I told Brian that it was nice getting away from everyone and everything, but that was such an understatement. I didn’t have to think about Ethan; he didn’t have to think about anyone else, but me and him. We hashed out our differences, and celebrated our similarities. I wish we were always like this... That we could always be like this, but tomorrow…

Tomorrow we go back to face everything that tore us apart in the first place.

And I don’t know what to expect. It’s unnerving, it’s frightening and it’s also exhilarating, because I’m going back there with something I didn’t leave with. My memories. The minute we touch down in Pittsburgh, the kid gloves Michael has become accustomed to being handled with, come off. I fucking can’t wait!

And as for Ethan, it’s time for an undiluted dose of honesty. His fantasies and reality are on a different path from mine. And they always will be. I shift against Brian, feeling his arms wrap around me tighter, bringing our naked flesh even tighter together beneath the silk sheets. This is what I want, what I’ve always wanted, and I won’t let it slip away from me again.

The blue light on the computer in the darkened room catches my eye. At first, it takes a moment to realize its implication, but when I do... OH SHIT! I jump up from the bed, dislodging Brian’s arms.

“What is it, Sunshine?”

“Brian… it looks like we’ve got company.” I whisper, and point to the blue light illuminating from my computer screen.

Even though it’s dark in the room, our shadows are still evident as is the small square in the corner of the screen also darkened. I can’t make out who’s been watching us, but I know someone is there. I can feel their eyes moving over the scene Brian and I have created in the bedroom. I try to mentally go through everyone who has my Skype address to give me some kind of clue to the voyeur on the other side. Then I narrow it down to the people in Pittsburgh, or those who are connected to Pittsburgh with it.

Shit, nothing is coming to me right now!

“Stop thinking so loud, Justin,” Brian whispers to me. “Whomever it is doesn’t want to be known… Yet, at any rate. But when they come to us, we’ll just be honest. This IS what we want, right?” I feel the underlying tension of the moment suddenly enter his body, and I rush to reassure him.

“Of course, Brian. But I didn’t want anyone to find out about us like this. I didn’t want anyone to know about us reconnecting just yet.”

He seems to understand exactly what I mean when he answers. “Neither did I, but it is what it is. And we might as well start as we mean to go on.” He pulls me against him again, kissing me fervently. I couldn’t stop the moan which escapes me as his tongue delves inside my mouth. He pulls away while keeping his mouth against mine, and I feel the little devilish smirk playing at its corners. “Enjoy the free porn,” Brian’s raspy voice rings out.

And I can’t help but chuckle at his audacity, as we both begin to make it good for our virtual-viewing audience.