CHAPTER 24: My Little Secret Part I

By Xscape  

Lyrics

See baby you're my little secret, If you don't tell, I won't tell, And that's how we gotta keep it.

See baby you're my little secret,/ If you don't tell, I won't tell,/ And that's how we gotta keep it./ Did anybody see you coming to my house last night?/ When I got your message on my beeper,/ That you wanna do everything I like,/ Alright, alright./ I like being in the same room as you and your girlfriend./ The fact that she don't know,/ That really turns me on.

She'll never guess in a million years,/ That we've got this thing going on./

You're my little secret,/ And that's how we should keep it./ It's on everybody's mind, about you and I,/ They think so, but they don't really know./ Or wanna know that,/ You're my little secret,/ And that's how we should keep it./ We should never let 'em know,/ Never let it show./ If you know, like I know,/ We should never let it go./

If anybody knew that it was you and your house,/ That I was creepin' to all the time,/ I'd probably still do it,/ 'Cause I find it hard to keep you off of my mind./ I like being in the same room as you and your girlfriend./ The fact that she don't know,/ That really turns me on.

She'll never guess in a million years,/ That we've got this thing going on.

Everybody cheats,/ But you gotta know how, you gotta know when,/ You gotta know why my infatuation with you,/ Is taking me on an emotional high./ I'm caught all up in this love affair baby,/ Speculation will bring us stares./ All my friends are talking about it,/ Still the truth I can't reveal.

As long as I'm right here,/ You ain't never gonna be by yourself./ 'Cause the love that we share,/ It stays on my mind,/ You're always gonna be a little secret of mine./ As long as I'm right here,/ You ain't never gonna be by yourself./ 'Cause the love that we share,/ It stays on my mind,/ You're always gonna be a little secret of mine.

You're my little secret,/ And that's how we should keep it./ It's on everybody's mind, about you and I,/ They think so, but they don't really know./ Or wanna know that,/ You're my little secret,/ And that's how we should keep it./ We should never let 'em know,/ Never let it show.

If you know, like I know,/ We should never let it go.

Written by Manuel Lonnie Jr. Seal, Jermaine Dupri, Latocha Scott

• Copyright © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

Mystery Watcher

Okay, so I can't help myself. I really need to know what her obsession is with him. It pays to have access to certain business contacts within the home office so that we can all be on the same page. I hate it when secrets are kept within my domain, unless I'm the one keeping them. This one is no exception.

So, donning my robe, I head down to the home office only to return back to the bed moments later with the Ipad. I made sure to stop at the two guest rooms in the other wing of the house, just to make sure I wouldn't be caught or interrupted once I settled in for the night. Climbing back into the bed and plugging in the headphones, I settle myself against the pillows and tap into the SKYPE application. Fortunately I didn't have to scroll down very far since there was a call earlier today with the young man I'm looking for. Business has been picking up lately, making Justin Taylor's services needed more frequently.

As an added bonus, we have also been made aware of the formation of Kinnetik which already has some lucrative clients. Some of them are friends of ours, and I've been hearing nothing but great things thus far. So I understand why Lindsay would want Brian Kinney. She is a greedy little cunt after all, and her mother's daughter. Admittedly, he's also a fine specimen of a man.

His sparkling hazel eyes speak of a charisma, and animal magnetism that is rare in any man. I remember meeting him and thinking If only I were younger... Not that I am all that old, but still, it makes a difference when you are settled in life. The Brian Kinneys of this world are not for us mere mortal folk. It takes one force of nature to tame another, and by all accounts, Justin Taylor is his.

Turning down the lights, I settle myself under the covers and press on Justin's name.

Looking into the darkened room, I can just make out the entwined figures on the bed. The sheer gauze curtains are blowing softly in the breeze, letting occasional glimpses of the moonlight filter through. Those little slivers draw my eyes as they land on a chiseled pec here or a muscled long leg there; it's all so erotic. I can hear them whispering softly, like the secret lovers they are. I feel like I'm watching something so forbidden, and yet, watching them as much as I can, I feel the love pouring off of them in waves.

It's like the dark provides them a cocoon that just wraps around them, to protect them from the rest of the world. I can't help but wonder why she can't see this when she looks at those two beautiful men. Or maybe she does see it, and just refuses to acknowledge it because she's such an empty bitch. I gasp as the covers are thrown back from the bed while I'm being ordered and enticed to enjoy the free porn. While part of me knows that I should have closed the screen or at the very least looked away, the other part of me can't help but need to see, to experience, what love- what making love- really looks like.

Hearing the soft growl from both men as their heads are brought together sends a shiver right through me in the most satisfying of ways... A way I have not felt in years, if I ever did. I look away from the erotic tableau to notice that the moon has shifted position, illuminating the space with a silvery light, allowing me to see even more of the beautiful men writhing wildly on the bed. It's not slow, but passionate. It's not tender, but rough in a way the blond is definitely enjoying, by the sounds emitting from him.

I'm surprised when the young man flips the older one onto his back, while using nothing but his legs as a guide. As Justin settles himself on top of Brian's supine form, I get a good glimpse of his ass, and I must say that even I'm fucking jealous! It just begs to be handled and spanked. As if Brian heard my thoughts, the sharp slap of his hand connecting with the supple flesh of Justin's derriere rents the air, sending another shockwave through my own body. The deep moan and ordered ‘again', has me near to gasping aloud.

Watching them like this causes an expectant tightening of anticipation within me. One that won't be filled by these men, or anyone else for that matter. When one makes their bed with the devil, one learns to like the hot coals they lay on. Whether it's satisfying or not in the moment is of no consequence, as long as there is a worthy payoff in the end. I've learned to live well with that.

Without any more preliminaries, Justin reaches beneath the pillow on the bed for something. I can't imagine what, until the shiny packet in his hand is reflected in the moonlight caressing his open palm. Brian gives a slight little nod, before roughly pulling Justin's head back down for a hot, open-mouthed kiss. God, watching them kiss- and only kiss- is orgasm-inducing! As I watch the exchange of tongues from mouth-to-mouth and the subsequent continuous entanglement of the fleshy dexterous organs, my breath catches.

I can't help but wish that somehow the three of us were locked in an oral menage a trois. God, if they have done this out in public the way Lindsay has ranted they have, it's no wonder each of them are wanted and envied by countless men and I'll bet even some women- gay, straight, or undecided. Fuck! Even I'm joining the jealous ranks as I sit here, shifting restlessly, just enjoying the show. And I'm known for being unflappable!

Justin sits back again, atop Brian. From the sound of a gratifying groan coming from Brian, Justin just rediscovered several erogenous zones located strategically on Brian's torso. Good God, is he... Is he really... Yeah, that's right, do it!

I bite my lip to keep from screaming my thoughts out at the screen, as I see Justin roll the condom down Brian's impressive shaft with one hand, while reaching back to finger himself, fast and furiously. I know should be turning away right about now, but fuck that! I want to see this through to the end! It's no longer about Lindsay's jealousy; it's about my fucking libido. Right now, all I want to do is imitate every action I've seen Brian and Justin do with their hands, so that I can get off too.

And now Justin is raising himself up to... Oh God! He's seating himself on that massive cock, stopping every so often so that his body takes Brian in with ease. Hands that once gripped trembling thighs have now floated up to grip Justin around his trim waist while Brian begins a small slight rhythm with his hips. The little mewling cries bubble up from Justin's throat with every incremental foray into the depths of him, while Brian croons encouragement and enjoyment.

Once fully seated, they both take time to adjust to the sensation, before Justin begins moving his hips in a small circle. The gasp and grunt sequence of their sounds make me feel like I am in the room with the two of them. I can almost smell the sweat and sex taking place, as my eyes are drawn even further into the scene. Justin begins to move faster, lifting his body every time it moves forward and to the right; seating himself when his pelvis goes back and to the left. The little giggle at the growl happening beneath him makes me chuckle a little too.

I've never seen playfulness in bed. I have to admit, it's just as arousing as the act of sex itself... Well at least when being the ultimate voyeur to Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor. Brian allowed Justin his playtime, even joining in the laughter and dirty jokes while the lithe body continued to circulate and rise then fall. But Brian didn't let it go on too long.

I watch in rapt fascination as Brian slid his arms beneath Justin's, hands gripping the creamy shoulders, pale in the moonlight. The next thing I heard was a gasping moan, followed by the hitched utterance of the brunet's name. It sounded as if the word ‘Brian' had been wrenched from the depths of Justin's soul; a curse, a plea, and a prayer, all at the same time! Brian's muscled arms held Justin in place, while using his legs to rock his pelvis into the younger man's forcefully. Based on the continued flux and flow, and the non-stop begging coming from the blond, Brian was caressing Justin's prostate on every pass.

"Please Brian, let me... let me move?"

"No," Brian growled. "You play too much." He tempered that last statement with a laugh, which immediately turned into a groan. "Christ, Justin! D-Don't clench me yet!"

"What... did... you... expect... would... happen... when... you... keep... fucking... me like this? Besides you know you love it." Justin must have squeezed Brian again, because the younger man- who had just barely regained his own composure- asked smugly, "Don't you?"

"Fuck!"

"I thought that's what we were doing..."

"Fucking smart ass twinks," Brian growled, just before flipping Justin over on his back and ramming forward, causing a slight scream from Justin. "Now we're fucking! Hard and fast!" Brian punctuated each word, with the staccato forward thrust of his pelvis.

I watched as Brian and Justin's former slow and sensual lovemaking became animalistic, out-of-control, down-and-dirty sex. Brian, once again, brought their faces together to bite at the full lips, even as Justin clawed at the straining back above him. Once again, my insides quivered as the most fierce mating I had ever witnessed continued. It was a constant game of push-and-pull; give-and-take; conquer-or-be conquered. And neither man let up on the other, until they just simply couldn't hold back their culminations any longer.

I had only heard about orgasms happening simultaneously, but had never seen it happen. I definitely didn't think it could occur with two men at the same time. In fact, the spontaneous combustion I just witnessed between Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor will go down as number one in my list of favorite scenes during my secret vice of viewing live porn. Fuck! I'm ready to offer them money to let me watch them all the fucking time; it was that spectacular!

But I'll have to settle for this little stolen glimpse of their very own version of the Garden of Eden, where the Brian and Justin versions of Adam and Steve are the only two people in creation; where nothing else and no one else matters beyond that. As I watch the quick clean-up of the couple by each other, the hushed giggles and sleepy yawns strike me as especially endearing, considering all they will be facing when returning to Pittsburgh. I almost feel sorry for them. But one thing I've learned watching their interaction sexually is that they seem to draw strength from each other and solidified their commitment during the entire exchange. Their connection is so potent, it's easy to discern that whatever they feel for each other is so much deeper than the mere act of getting off and instant gratification.

The hushed ‘I love yous' were one thing to hear. But it's watching as Brian smooths out the rumpled sheets for Justin to climb back into the bed, even as the younger man reaches out to fluff Brian's pillow beneath his head before doing his own, that tells the most profound story. As Justin lays down next to Brian, the older man draws him closer, cocooning him with those well-toned arms protectively. I could tell that it's a favored position between them and as natural as breathing.

"Did you have a good time watching?" The gravelly voice beside me causes me to startle. I hurry to shut off the Ipad before I'm caught.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I answer, moving to place the tablet onto the nightstand.

"Sure you do, since I was watching you watch them the whole time. And I'll tell you what, Nancy, with that kind of heat coming off the screen, I got... Well let's just say that I'd happily take care of your little problem."

"My little problem?" I ask, as I feel his hand inching up my thigh. "You were turned on by that too, Ron?"

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Nancy. But right now, I'm more turned on by the fact that you got horny watching it. Every man wants a lady in public, but a nympho between the sheets. I think I'm going to like seeing you untamed for a change, don't you?"

And as his hand reached its intended destination, I sent up a silent prayer of thanks for my inherent nosiness. Ron was about to make it pay off big fucking time!   

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ADLS

Melanie

I left a message for Brian to call me when he got it. I need to know how to tell Justin this crap about Ethan. Anyone can say whatever the hell they want to about Brian and Justin's non-relationship, the bottom line is that no one can predict the reactions of Justin Taylor better than Brian. While the rest of us had our doubts about Brian, he proved himself to be loyal and caring where Justin was concerned during the bashing episode of their lives. In hindsight, I think it was all of our interference and innuendos that caused a snake like Ethan to be allowed in, and for my part in it, I'm truly sorry.

Listening to Lindsay's reasoning, I thought that we were doing the right thing for Justin. He was so hurt, and so unsure of himself at the time. Brian's distant behavior just after Justin began reclaiming his life didn't help matters. I mean, I know now why it was happening; I just wish Brian had said something to any one of us back then, especially me. I could have told him that what Gardner was trying to do regarding his job was illegal, and that the entire deal was designed to get Brian out so that Marty could reclaim his company, without the chance of being sued for Breach of Promise regarding the partnership.

But Brian never said a word to the rest of us. Only to Michael, who was all too happy to break Justin's confidence down to nothing. No, I will never understand that. I would have even preferred him confide in Emmett rather than Michael, who so obviously had an axe to grind simply because Justin was Brian's partner and best friend, whereas he was becoming just barely more than a passing acquaintance. Another thing that is still troubling me about the whole situation with Ethan, is Michael.

Michael's still running around town badmouthing Justin, even though he is clearly in the wrong. I wonder if he's just being thoughtless and looking for sympathy, or if his motives are a bit more calculating. I know that Michael's newly-acquired attorney, Irving Thomas, has to have told Michael to put a lid on that gaping hole he calls a mouth. If this goes further- which I believe in my heart it will, especially when Justin finds out about his scheme- Michael's continued affliction of oral diarrhea could possibly affect the jury selection. It's his right to receive Due Process under of the law.

Hmmm, maybe that's what he seeks to gain- a trial without a jury present.

In any other case, I would probably advise that might be wise. But not in Michael's. The evidence alone will damn him! At least with a jury, there might be a way to get sympathy votes or a lesser sentence than what he deserves. But with the decision resting solely with the judge in the case, Michael is going to get the maximum on every single charge he's found guilty of.

The stupid fucker just never knows when to shut the hell up!  

I open the door for Ben, already lamenting the ways of his stupid ex-partner, and the current headache of Justin Taylor, although he doesn't know it yet. He listens intently, knowing that this is probably the most fucked up love pentagon there ever was. Suddenly I find myself wishing that Lindsay was still here, just so that I could slap her down. I mean, the way she used people... I know that Michael isn't completely blameless- he IS a jealous asshole, after all- but Lindsay is just plain dangerous, in so many ways!

She's intelligent, sane, and has that unsuspecting serene salt-of-the-earth madonna look down pat. It's so that no one would ever suspect just how cold, calculating, and cunty the vindictive bitch can be. I've watched, and called her on it time and again. But STILL, no changes! This time it has cost her Gus, but maybe that isn't enough to get Little Ms. Plans to see she's not as blameless as she thinks with her suggestions.

"I'm thinking of bringing Lindsay in as a co-defendant on Michael's case with Justin." I tell Ben.

He perks up hearing that, and looks at me quizzically. "Do you think that will work? I mean right now it's all hearsay, correct?"

"Not necessarily. Daphne called me last night, after you left. I went over there and Phoebe gave me some interesting information. Although she's going on tour, she's given me a sworn statement of what she knows and is coming by in a little while so I can take her to have it notarized, down at the courthouse. Justin is due back this afternoon for Carnivale tonight; so is Brian, from what Cynthia told me when I called the office this morning. I want to have a definite strategy to discuss with them tomorrow."

"You think they will go for it?"

"That's the thing... Brian is so angry and fed up with Lindsay, that I'm sure he won't be the problem. It's Justin I worry about. That young man has a bleeding heart a mile wide. He'll worry about how Gus will be affected, along with Brian's new business, and Debbie. It's one thing to ask for his money back from Michael, but it's another thing to put the fucker and all of his accomplices in jail."

"You're talking specifically about Ethan now, right?"

"Yeah. Justin may not be in love with Ethan, but he does care for him a great deal as a person. Personally, after what I heard yesterday, I can't understand why. My guess is that Ethan is a man of many faces."

"Kind of like Michael," Ben tells me, sadly.

I put my hand on his and squeeze it in solidarity and support. "Hate to tell you this, but exactly. He also has the added benefit- if it can be called that- of having grown up in the same environment as Justin and Lindsay, which means he's intelligent enough to formulate a plan and see it through to the end, providing he doesn't get caught. I have it on good authority- meaning Phoebe- that Ethan won the open chair at the Heifetz Competition yesterday, which means he's supposed to fly out to Germany on Sunday. Since the Committee who sponsored the contest is providing the airfare, hotel accommodations, and stipend money until opening night, that means Ethan can fly the coop as early as tomorrow morning. With a single phone call, our entire case can be blown, or at the very least, severely damaged. Ethan was going to benefit from using Justin's money, which he got from Michael at Lindsay's suggestion. How fucked up is that? He should pay just like the others, only a little more if you ask me, since he's the direct cause of Justin ending up in the hospital. Fuck! That alone is going to kill Justin."

Ben nodded, understanding what it is I wouldn't say. Justin was probably the most trusting man any of us knew, until he got bashed. Then it changed for a while, where he wouldn't trust anyone other than Brian. But he's been slowly making progress daily in trusting his own abilities to spot something that could be potentially harmful to him. This shit with the Three Stooges could have him questioning his abilities again.

What I was thinking must have shown on my face because Ben says, "Well, the only real help for it, is if we tell him first. The last thing we want is for Ethan or Michael to tell him. One will flip it around so that it's his cohort's fault, and drown what he did in romanticism, while the other... Michael, will blame Justin. That's his manner of operation. It all comes down to Justin not going away; Justin not giving up Brian; Justin not bowing down to the great Michael's wishes. Fuck! What was I ever doing with him?!"

"The same thing I was doing with Lindsay, being a placeholder one moment and a doormat the next. And all just for the sake of saying we were married. Kind of sheds a different light on the fact that you can be head-smart and heart-dumb, don't you think?" I was glad when he giggled, instead of being angry.

At this point there isn't much else we can do to get over the devastation except rant and cry; we've already done that.

"So how do we play this and beat Ethan and Michael at their games?"

"We're going to need some backup, and I know just who to call..." I dial the number, and wait for him to pick up. "Hey Carl, it's Melanie Marcus. Got some new information for you..."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*ADLS

Brian

It's too early for this shit. I mean, it literally feels like I've only slept twenty minutes. Justin and I fucked well into the night before collapsing into an exhausted heap. Before we knew it, Gene and Alphonse were coming to wake us up to shower and change to head back up to the Hollywood Hills in order to make our flight. If I could cancel the whole fucking event, I would.

All I want to do is sleep.

I was surprised when Gene and Al boarded the plane behind us. George asked them to accompany us back, although I don't know the details yet. Perhaps he and Malcolm just miss the company. I can only hope that Emmett is dressed somewhat tamely when they do meet. If the tall queen isn't careful, Gene will have him looking almost hetero.

I don't think any of us is anxious to relive Emmett's See the Light when you're wrong days. I can't help it, I chuckle.

"What is it?" Justin asks me from his seat, waiting for take off. Ordinarily, we both hate flying unless we're fucking on the plane. But this plane is definitely top of the line. I'm glad that we're on it, instead of the commercial flight we would have taken on any other given day.

"Gene, Emmett, and See the Light," I tell him.

"Oh God," Justin chuckles softly. "No way am I letting Em turn into the joyless Son of Frankenstein again." We both laugh at that.

Once we reach cruising altitude, Justin and I decide to take advantage of the king-size bed in the back of the plane. It would have been a great time to fuck the entire flight, but I can't help but think about what lies ahead of us once we reach home, despite my exhaustion. I want him to be as at ease with me as he once was... Or should I say, as he was in the moments when we were alone and I wasn't hurting him in some way with words or deeds. Those moments were a lot like these last few days in Malibu.

They were fun, hot, and carefree, without worry or fear of the Brian that only Justin knows being revealed. But with us being back in the Pitts, how realistic is it for people to see us in the same place and not have the right idea? Sure, Justin and I turn heads when we're apart. But when we're together, we draw ALL the focus. It happens whenever a beautiful and sometimes volatile couple occupies the same space.

"I can hear you thinking from here. Stop it! I'm trying to catch up on my beauty rest," Justin mumbles, shifting on the bed reaching for one of the plush pillows to throw over his head. He reminds me of a petulant five year old, who is being annoyed to wake up for school.

I chuckle at the thought, before answering. "I'm thinking about what happens when we touch down. And you don't need beauty sleep, since you've always been a beautiful twink. It's why I fell in lust with you."

"I'm not a twink, Brian. I may be cream filled, but I also have a hell of a lot of substance."

"I know, and most of it is within that cream." We both laugh at that, before growing serious again. "So, about when we get home..."

"Brian, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to broadcast this."

"We did, but it just occurred to me how impossible it will be to actually keep it quiet."

"How so?"

I explained to him what happens when we walk into any room, either together or separately. It's funny how he's never really paid attention to the reactions from those around us, with the exception of Ted, Em, Michael, and Ben. His senses focus totally and completely on me, as mine do him. But I still notice how his body comes alive when I'm near him; how, while his facial features may or may not give away his instantaneous arousal, the subtle flaring of this nostrils and dilation of his pupils do. Every single time.

"So you see, there isn't really a better way to handle the attention except to be honest about it, and then tell them to mind their own fucking business."

"Whereas I agree with you, it still doesn't answer everything that our... relationship is going to entail. I think we should establish some..."

"Rules didn't work for us last time," I say, before I can catch myself. Looking at his crestfallen face, I know just what my thoughtless words did, but it doesn't make them any less true.

"Look Brian, I'm not asking for monogamy. That's something you have to decide to give me on your own. But I am asking for a modicum of respect, so that I can keep my dignity in front of others. While you were lauded for being the Stud, I was the dud who was so desperate to stay with you that I would accept any and everything you did. Although you and I both know there was more to it than that, give me the courtesy of, if I'm out with you, not tricking in front of me or..."

"Or?"

"Or we can do it together, if I'm in the mood. That's all I'm asking. If I'm not in the mood to fuck anyone but you, then respect that and let's save it for another day. Is that too hard or unreasonable?"

I had to think about that for a moment. Justin really wasn't asking for much. After our talk at breakfast, I thought about all of the reasons Justin gave me that he cheated. The one that stuck out to me was how he was feeling about himself at the time. I should have seen the insecurity behind that beautiful smile, which in retrospect seems just a little less bright now.

For a man who doesn't believe in regrets, I seem to have fuck load of them now.

"Rationally I know what you're saying and why. So new rules?"

Justin chuckles. "Only one: Don't do stupid shit."

I laugh. "That leaves a multitude of things open to interpretation."

"True. But if it pisses either one of us off or is bound to cause an argument, it is filed under Stupid Shit."

"What if..."

"There are exceptions to the stupid shit clause, and we'll know them when we come upon them. But until such time as that happens..."

"Don't do stupid shit. Alright, Sunshine. I get the point. No stupid shit allowed. Now, let's get some sleep, because other than dealing with Carnivale, I'm sure there will be plenty of stupid shit to be had when we reach home."

"Which we won't indulge in."

"Go to sleep, twat."

He leaned up on his elbow, connecting his lips with mine. It didn't take but the initial press of his lips for me to open up beneath him. At the sound of our small moans intermingling, Justin pulled back, already knowing where the simple gesture was about to lead. Without another word, but with a smile that spoke volumes, he turned his back to me inviting me to indulge in one of our favorite sleeping positions. So, snuggling up to his back, I wrapped my arms around him, placing my chin into the crook of his neck, a spot that always seems made just for me.

As my hand settles over his flat abdomen, I feel his fingers slide against mine, locking into their place. Whatever doubts I may have had about Justin's request for minimized tricking fled in that moment. This feeling of rightness and peace is worth any price... And one I find I suddenly won't mind paying.