CHAPTER 44: NO HOLDING BACK
There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back
I wanna follow where she goes/ I think about her and she knows it
I wanna let her take control/ 'Cause every time that she gets close, yeah
She pulls me in enough to keep me guessing/ And maybe I should stop and start confessing/ Confessing, yeah
Oh, I've been shaking/ I love it when you go crazy/ You take all my inhibitions/ Baby, there's nothing holding me back
You take me places that tear up my reputation/ Manipulate my decisions
Baby, there's nothing holding me back/ There's nothing holding me back
There's nothing holding me back
She says that she's never afraid/ Just picture everybody naked/ She really doesn't like to wait/ Not really into hesitation/ Pulls me in enough to keep me guessing/ And maybe I should stop and start confessing/ Confessing, yeah
Oh, I've been shaking/ I love it when you go crazy/ You take all my inhibitions/ Baby, there's nothing holding me back
You take me places that tear up my reputation/ Manipulate my decisions
Baby, there's nothing holding me back/ There's nothing holding me back
'Cause if we lost our minds and we took it way too far/ I know we'd be alright, I know we would be alright/ If you were by my side and we stumbled in the dark/I know we'd be alright, I know we would be alright
I feel so free when you're with me, baby/ Baby, there's nothing holding me back
Songwriters: Geoffrey Warburton / Scott Harris Friedman / Shawn Mendes / Teddy Geiger
BRIAN:
I’m still reeling. We’re parents! Justin and I are fucking PARENTS! While on the outside I’m as calm as a summer lake, inside I’m shaking and thinking of a million things that Justin and I have to talk about and decide. If I wasn’t sure before that we wouldn’t be separating, NOW I’m more than sure that will NOT be happening. Looking over at him even now, I know beyond any doubt that it’s true. He hasn’t lost the stars in his eyes since he first laid eyes on them, but I don’t feel that the babies are the only reason.
“What’s on your mind, Sunshine?” I ask him, as I pull him into my body.
We're outside in the parking lot of the hospital, having decided to let Taryn and our children rest, without giving into our urges to hover. He doesn’t hesitate but a second before attacking my lips, not giving a good damn where we are. He’s trembling, with not only excitement, but an intense hunger that I know all too well. And it’s that knowledge that tells me just how tightly wound my lover has been, for more hours than I could have imagined. Before I have a chance to even process what’s happening, Justin opens my shirt while never releasing my lips.
At this moment, I don’t think I could possibly be more grateful that Justin insisted on renting a car between the time we left the precinct yesterday and dinner last night. I don’t think he can wait, and the Vette wouldn’t have supported what I know he has in mind. Although possibly being reluctantly fascinated, I don’t think the hospital administration would appreciate a full-on demonstration of part of what keeps me addicted to Justin Taylor. I struggle to push the automatic lock on the door handle of the Acura MDX, as Justin takes on the personification of a human octopus. His hands are everywhere, including the button-fly on my jeans.
Now, I don’t mind showing my ass in public, as many would attest to. But right now, I want my dick in its favorite hiding place almost as badly as Justin does. I get the door unlocked, and direct him towards the back seats. I don’t have the time, or inclination, to put the back two rows down to give us more room. And it’s more than obvious that Justin doesn’t give a fuck!
He climbs in, stripping down his jeans and exposing his ass along the way. When the fuck did he even have time to unbutton them?! I don’t have all that much time to think about it, as I’m unceremoniously manhandled inside by a pair of strong hands. I barely have a chance to get my legs in, before he pulls the door shut behind me.
“Sunshine… slow… down,” I breathe into his mouth, as his tongue swipes my own again.
“Can’t.”
“I…” is all I’m able to get out as I am, once again, being kissed to within an nth of sanity.
Fuck! I love it when he’s like this! He’s sin and sex personified in this mode; commanding and demanding my undivided attention in his abject need to get off. All I can do is moan and groan as he moves from my lips down my neck, and then to my nips. He’s on fire, and in turn, he’s burning me up.
I don’t think I’ve ever reached a point of arousal so fast in my life. He’s making me feel like a horny green teen again… but that’s my Sunshine. No one else can take me where he wants to go like the man who is currently snatching my pants down in an effort to get to his pulse-pounding pillar of gratification. That’s right… HIS! And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
He frees me, and I barely have time to inhale my next breath before it’s, once again, trapped in my throat from the pleasure he’s giving me. It’s like I can’t think. Fuck! I don’t want to think of anything except getting into his ass. I start being proactive, pushing his head down on my dick hard enough to gag any other man.
Instead of slowing him down, it speeds him up, as he adds a tongued swipe around my balls before every ascent. Using my own free hand, I remove the one occupied with reopening his tight hole and replace his fingers with my own.
“Oh!” he exclaims around my dick, and I feel it vibrate through my entire being. “Harder!” he demands, and I obey as he takes me down his throat, yet again.
After several minutes, I yank his mouth away from my cock, kissing him roughly as I feel around for a condom. I shouldn’t have bothered, because I should have remembered that my own personal boy scout would have had that- and ME- covered in no time. Justin slips the magically produced rubber down my length, and slathers it with lube, without releasing my lips from his. Climbing on top of me, he impales himself down fully, only stopping briefly to adjust to the intrusion.
“MOVE!” he yells, as he starts his ascent, and I dare not delay. Did I mention how much I LOVE it when he’s like this?!
Justin’s bucking up and down on me, like fucking is about to be outlawed in the next second! I can only follow, humping up into him as if my next breath depended on it. I know exactly what he likes, so I do it. I wrap one arm around his waist, while using my other hand to pull his longish locks roughly. I hear the hitch in his rapid breathing, and the slight scream tear from him, as I deliver a particularly vicious thrust.
He doesn’t hesitate to ask me for it again, barely able to gasp the word out passed his own arousal. Fucking hell, he’s hot! His skin is flushed from his exertions, but he shows no signs of slowing down or stopping, as he continues to jog on my cock.
Not missing a beat, I shift us so that he’s now lying on the seat. As I bend him in half, I press my feet against the door to give me more leverage, while pumping into him. Every time he slides up the seat from the force of my pelvis meeting his, I roughly pull him back onto to me. He’s not minding at all; in fact, he’s demanding that I fuck him harder and faster! I have no trouble complying, as I snap my hips to give him a deeper penetration as well.
He brings our lips together again, fusing them together so that we have no breath, but each others’. Our tongues say everything that our words wouldn’t ever be enough to express, at this moment. He knows… he knows exactly what this all means for us- as individuals, as a couple, as the parents of three. I never thought I wanted any of this. And now, all I can think is that if I had known, in advance, how I would feel at this moment; that I could experience this all with the man writhing sensuously beneath me, I wouldn’t have been the asshole I was to him in the first place.
But we’re alright. We’re more than alright. We’re here, TOGETHER! And nothing is ever going to change that! It’s that thought that sets my orgasm to releasing, even as Justin is beginning to crest.
I feel the tremble of satisfaction taking over both of us, and Justin’s eyes have never looked so beautiful to me. They tell me everything he feels at this moment. The peace washing over him is reaching into me as we lay here within our own little world. Even though we had decided when we were in California that the constant push and pull between us over the last three years was finished, I can tell he didn’t really believe it, until just now. The only way we pick up the swords of cutting words and cliffs again, is in defense of ourselves against others... and that of OUR children.
“I love you, you know,” he whispers.
“I know, and I love you too, Sunshine.”
“We have to decide what to do, Brian.”
“What’s to decide? I go where you go. WE go where you go.”
“Kinnetik JTD is here, and I’m due back in L.A. soon.”
“I know. And although it’s too soon to open up another branch, we can still do what we have to do. You see, there are these wonderful inventions called planes, trains, and automobiles. They have the miraculous ability to get us from point A to point B whenever we need them.”
He snickers. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”
“As was just proven since I know your ass has to be sore after that pounding.”
“I needed it.”
“I know. It’s the only way to ground you when you’re way too overwhelmed for words.”
“It works both ways.”
“Indeed it does,” I agree with him.
There were many times over the years, where Justin had to let me fuck the sense out of him and into me, and vice versa. It’s always been the case after some life-altering event, which is probably why Justin’s first time was completely memorable, even if I was high out of my damn mind that night. I would say it’s the idea of crashing and burning when we’re flying so high, but that wouldn’t be the entire truth. Sex between us doesn’t allow for many other thoughts, beyond the connection we feel with each other. It’s a respite from whichever troubling thought we would have at the moment; whatever doubt we have creeping in to destroy our individual, and collective confidence.
And after we’ve finished for the moment, it allows us to put everything in order, to remember what’s important, and our endgames. I can’t say that I’ve ever had clearer moments than after I’ve fucked Justin... or after he’s fucked me. Many would think that I was tricking the way I was, just for the fun of it. And they would be right, to a degree. It gave me a way to be close to others, without all the other emotional baggage that a relationship would have brought into my life.
But the truth is that what took countless tricks a night to fulfill, Justin has always been the ONE I needed. At first, that scared the fucking shit out of me, because he was so damn young. Now, I appreciate it, because of all the other stuff that comes with him. I don’t have to try so hard with him. I don’t have to worry about my reputation with him, or that my decisions will be questioned and manipulated, with some underlying ulterior motive involved.
It took me a long time, and many fuck-ups to acknowledge it, but now, I can’t go back to living without Justin.
“So first things first, we turn the loft into a duplex, or better yet, buy a house where Mel can live with us, too,” Justin suggests. “I’m thinking we should keep the loft as a home away from home.”
“And where would we find this castle of co-parenting? And how would we know that she’d even want to live with us, Sunshine?”
“We have three children between all of us now, Brian. I’m sure I could make her see the wisdom of sharing a house. If we look in Sewickley, near George and Malcolm’s place, I’m sure they would have properties that could be divided somehow.”
“I hate the suburbs…”
“I know, but it was just an idea, Brian…”
“BUT, it is close enough to town, that the commute wouldn’t be too bad. We’ll also be able to visit our usual haunts should we all just need a break from each other.”
“Not the kids?”
“Not necessarily, I don’t think. It’s the three adults- namely me and Mel- living under the same roof, that may cause some momentary dissension.”
He nods. “That’s why I think whatever house we look for, needs to have three wings, so to speak. There would be her side, to which I think Leda is about to become a frequent visitor, or hopefully, a permanent resident…”
“You noticed that too, eh Sunshine?”
“They were almost us in female form last night.”
“Thanks for that incredibly disconcerting thought.”
Justin laughs. “Anytime, Stud.”
“Twat,” I chuckle with him. “So now there’s that. And if I’m picking up on what you’re suggesting correctly, the kids’ wing of the house would be in the center, while ours would be on the other side?”
“Exactly. That way we could decorate our sections of the house to our specifications, and it- with the exception of the communal area- could still have the urban feel of the loft. The only decorating that we’ll have to really compromise on will be the common areas, and the children’s wing of the house. It’s a win-win all around.”
I mull over his suggestion, and really I can’t see anything wrong in what he’s saying. It also would take care of Mel, who I know was considering selling the house she shared with Maleficent. “And what of your little house?”
“I can move it to the new property without a problem. It’s on wheels, so all I would need to do is hook it up to the back of an SUV like this one, or a moving van, and set it down.”
I nod, happy that he doesn’t have to give up his sanctuary to be with me. I don’t know why, but it’s important to me that he would still have it. I guess maybe it has something to do with the fact that it’s like his loft, in that it was just his place before he and I reconnected. I never want Justin to feel trapped by his circumstances, ever again. Besides, it will make an excellent place for him to paint whenever the mood strikes him, without having to worry about the kids getting into trouble later on.
“So now that we have a preliminary plan, I think we should get out of here, get a shower, and get something to eat. What do you say, Sunshine?”
“I think that’s a good idea, especially the shower part,” he answers, suggestively. And I instantly know where his mind went.
I can’t help the smirk that I feel on my lips. “Wanna put good Karma on our decision beforehand, huh?”
He smiles brightly back at me. “Well, we’ll need all the help we can get to convince Mel to live under the same roof as you. The fact that the area is also one that Maleficent would cream her orange jumpsuit to live in again, would probably give her the same pauses it does you. But you both forget one very important thing…”
“Oh yeah. What’s that?”
“That it’s where I’m from, too. And not only that, but the area will be overrun with a few instant babysitters. It’s also far enough away, where Debbie can’t just drop by whenever the mood suits her. Honestly, that’s the biggest incentive for me, and I think it will become the same for you and Mel too, especially when the trials start.” He shrugs, and after the last scene at the loft with her, I can’t disagree with him.
Ted, Em, and Ben told me about her showing up at Melanie’s place, where Jennifer almost stomped a mudhole in her ass. So I can see Mel agreeing to this plan of ours, just to prevent another scene like that one. Justin speaks again, and I can't help but pay attention, since even within his smooth tenor, he's stating what's going to happen.
“We’ll just have to establish some ground rules in terms of the kids, but you two should be adult enough to take a step back and listen to what the other one is saying. And with the Unmentionables out of the picture, I can’t imagine that World War III would break out between you two, since I’m not the type to pour oil on the fire of your tempers.”
“So no playing referee for you, then?”
“No, because since I’m closer to the kids’ ages, my word should be law,” Justin says, laughing.
I join in, knowing automatically that no matter what, this will all work out.
'Cause if we lost our minds and we took it way too far/ I know we'd be alright, I know we would be alright/ If you were by my side and we stumbled in the dark/I know we'd be alright, I know we would be alright
I feel so free when you're with me, baby
Baby, there's nothing holding me back