IN or OUT: BOOK II: CHAPTER 6: WISEST COURSE OF ACTION Part 3: BELL RINGING and BUTTON PUSHING
BEN:
It’s funny that you don’t realize some important facts until they’re pointed out to you. I don’t know if I was the only one who didn’t notice that Melanie was there in the restaurant that night, but it’s pretty apparent that Michael did. As I replay the conversation and subsequent fight, I can see that Michael instigated everything from its seemingly benign beginning to the catastrophic end with the express purpose that Justin, Blake, and Drew get into trouble with both their partners, AND the law. To Michael’s way of thinking, it was the only way to remove the guys from his friends’ orbits, with nothing more than ill-placed words and sly innuendo. The three men would have been seen as overreacting, unreasonable, and violent, while Michael came off as the innocently attacked, well-meaning best friend, instead of the most vicious of Satan’s little minions with the pitchfork eternally stuck in the crack of his ass.
And it had almost worked, too!
Thank goodness Melanie was there to witness Michael’s ultimate push toward achieving his goal. If she hadn’t been, there’s no telling where any of us would have ended up. Michael had gotten us all to the point where there was about to be more than a few flipped over tables or the gravy bowl unceremoniously dumped over Michael’s head while the expensive red wine was poured into his lap; we all actually would have come to blows. In fact, Blake did pour the gravy on Michael. But the next step... Well, let's not think about that.
Or more accurately, let's not even dare to speculate about how we would have had to stop Blake and Justin from picking Michael up and throwing him, head first, into traffic, which would have resulted in fisticuffs being exchanged. But from whom to whom or why is still, as yet, unclear to me. Instead, it ended up with Brian, Ted, and Emmett arguing loudly against the actions of Justin and Blake, while Drew and I tried to diffuse the escalation of the situation by grabbing ahold of both Justin and Blake. Even soaked and dripping with gravy, Michael couldn’t hide his smirk at the fact that everyone was fighting because of him. All I could think was that it was too bad that Michael couldn’t display that kind of tenacity when it came to minding his own business, or growing Red Cape Comics into more than the place that distributed Rage.
But then again, Michael was always a small thinker, completely content to live his life between the pages of a comic, instead of reading something of serious substance. And God forbid that he should actually try living life as an adult, instead of a perpetual teenager! It’s for that exact reason he’s always had so many problems with Justin, because while Justin was yet young and maybe even a little naive about life in general, he STILL managed to accomplish more than Michael ever would, and showed more internal strength than most grown men. He didn’t look to Brian for anything beyond emotional support, and yet Brian still gave to Justin freely. Which is something no one really knew or understood, until years later.
“What was Melanie doing there? And why did you all have that reaction in reference to her being at the restaurant?” Blake asks. I can’t help but wonder the same thing as it was before my time with the group as a whole, I guess.
“There are a lot of answers to be had at our collective response,” Justin begins, diplomatically. I have a feeling that I’m going to absolutely hate the reason for why that is. “As you and Ben know, Brian and I met on a very traumatic night in both Brian and Mel’s life. Well that night…”
Brian grabs Justin’s hand and holds it on top of the table. I can see them both trembling with the memory of it. “It was the night my son was born…”
“Son?” Blake asks. “Well where…”
“He died. He died just a few short hours after he was born, Blake. I’m surprised that Ted didn’t tell you, but I’m grateful that he didn’t.”
“I wouldn’t have, even right until today, Brian. You have to know that,” Ted reassures him, and I can feel his pain in Brian doubting him.
“I do, Ted, but this wasn’t just traumatic for me. You and Emmett arrived later, so I know that it affected you, too. It’s not that I would have minded that you shared it with Blake- he’s your partner and you should have. It’s just that even though it happened years ago, it still feels fresh sometimes. You know?”
“We do, Honey,” Emmett says. “Sometimes it’s still hard to believe that it happened, or that our family was so changed by what happened afterwards.”
“That’s true. But it wasn’t until a couple of years later that Mel and I discovered that Michael was the cause.”
“WHAT?!” The four men yelled, as the counselors all sat silent. It’s apparent that they each know something of the situation, but had kept the information to themselves- or more accurately between them. It’s then that I realize just how much strength of character they each have to still associate at all with Michael. Blake and Drew are just sitting stunned by Brian’s admission, but I can’t.
“What do you mean, Brian?” He looks at me, as if suddenly remembering that I am here. “Go on… Please, I need to know.”
Justin grips his hand tighter. He’s the only one of us that has the fire of anger in his eyes at what Brian is about to say. But the question is: Is he angry because he knew? Or is it just because this is some secret that Brian has been keeping, yet treating the information as if it didn’t exist in order to hold onto a childhood friendship that really should have ended a long time ago? I suspect the answer is a little of both, but I need to hear the crux of the matter from Brian.
“It came out after Mel and Lindsay had moved up to Canada, following the anniversary party from hell. They just couldn’t stay in the Pitts any longer with all the memories, and dreams of what might have been. I understood that- we all understood that- but it didn’t stop Michael and Debbie from hurling insults at me for giving them my blessing. Now that I look back on it, I can honestly say that Michael wasn’t angry because they were leaving, but because by not putting up a fight, I’d taken one of his favorite punching bags away from him.”
“Lindsay?” Justin asks, quietly.
Brian simply nodded. “Somehow, he found out that she had a mental condition which spawned irrational fears and played on them while she was pregnant. It was no secret that Michael was against me becoming a father from the get go. It’s why we waited six months to announce that she was pregnant.”
“If I remember correctly, she wasn’t around much prior to that. She was always teaching, or had some meeting, or some kind of function,” Emmett says, beginning to process what he’s being told.
“All a ruse to keep Lindsay healthy and happy as much as possible. But then Michael became suspicious and started implanting these innuendos of Lindsay having an affair into Mel’s mind. It caused some stress, especially when Mel would call the places Lindsay said she would be, just to make sure she was there, which was mostly at home. It took awhile before Lindz caught on that Mel was doing that, but Michael knew Lindsay being Bi was always an insecurity for Mel, since everyone knew Lindsay and I experimented with each other in college. If I was late to dinner at Deb’s for some reason or another, Michael was busy playing on Mel’s fears, yet coming off seemingly so innocent in his jokes.
"Once he’d taken it into his head to follow Lindsay around and see what she was really up to, his Inspector Gadget routine led him to the fact that Lindz was pregnant with Gus, and she had standing doctors appointments with the OB-GYN and her psychiatrist. We don’t know how he knew what was in her chart, but once we announced the pregnancy, Michael began to taunt her when Mel and I weren’t paying attention. Both of us knew of her condition, but brushed it off, thinking that Michael wasn’t capable of being deliberately cruel. Only, he kept going, and her blood pressure kept rising. The anxiety disorder she has caused heart problems for both her and Gus. She stopped eating, sleeping, and all the other things she had been doing to keep herself healthy, figuring what was the point when she was going to die during childbirth anyway...”
“What the hell?! Who put that thought in her head?!” Emmett yelled, and I just closed my eyes to fight back the tears at hearing what they all went through at the hands of my soon-to-be ex-husband, especially Lindsay.
I know quite a bit about anxiety disorders since I still have suffer the effects of my own PTSD due to my diagnosis of HIV. People tend to think that it only happens because of war, or car accidents, or hostage situations and the like. But knowing that my body can shut down at any time, and begin rejecting medications just because it no longer feels like fighting for its life, is just as soul-crushing, and creates a bone-deep fear just the same. In anxiety disorders, no two situations are alike. It’s also not rational and can happen at any moment, both on a conscious level and within the subconscious. It’s almost like a room without doors, or windows; just a box with the only air in it being sucked out in great big heaves by the second. The prison of your mind is a very scary place to be.
“Who do you think?” Justin sneers, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard his so angry. “That little fucking, attention-seeking, spoiled rotten ingrate did!”
“So Justin wasn’t the only one he was working on,” Drew stated as fact.
“No, it wasn’t until after Justin left with the… with Ethan, that I finally figured that out. It was in the way Michael was gloating about the fact that I’d still talked Justin into drawing for him, even while we weren’t together anymore. He said something like: ‘Well at least he can have you this way since we’ve made sure that all other roads leading to you are now closed, right Brian?’ It was then that I knew I’d made the biggest mistake of my life in listening to Michael, instead of actually talking to Justin. It’s also why that punch to his eye came so easily for me. It wasn’t just what he said, or the anger in his voice when he said it; it was the fact that he knew that both Justin and I were still suffering because of the b… prom, and yet he gloried in separating us for his own benefit.”
“Why did you stay friends with him?” Blake asks, and honestly, I would like to know the same thing.
I could never be friends with someone who said the most horrible thing imaginable about my lover. Yet here I am, listening to them catalogue Michael’s faults. It has to mean something that I no longer view Michael Novotny the way I once did. Hell, it’s pretty evident that I never even glimpsed the real Michael Novotny at all!
“I can’t speak for Ted and Emmett, but Michael was my safety net…”
“Same here,” Ted concurs.
“And here,” says Emmett.
“Why, when he’s obviously the most dangerous person to your psyches?” Blake presses.
“It was mostly because of Deb. You have to understand that until the recording that Drew sent out, I was content to only see the good heart Debbie projected. I internalized all of the insults, analyzed them, stored them away, but it never negated that she was a sort of safe haven for when my parents got heavy-handed with me. I think that’s why being confronted with her true thoughts about me cuts so deep,” Brian says, and yeah, it’s hard to listen to from a man who oft times acts as if he has no feelings rather than acknowledge that he does.
“So what happens now?” Drew asks.
“For our parts, we have some decisions to make,” Emmett tells him, speaking for Ted, Brian, and himself. “Letting go of the Novotnys, even though they have proven to be the most lowdown people I’ve ever met since leaving Hazelhurst, won’t be easy. It’s just something about the stability, and assurance of knowing what you’re getting when dealing with them…”
“But that’s just it, Em. We didn’t,” Justin interrupts. “We knew the facade, and I loved Debbie’s most of all. Like it or not, she was there for me when my own mother didn’t know how to be. However, that doesn’t negate what she said, or the reason why she did. It was all to ensure that her baby boy was happy, while it was perfectly okay to her that we were all either miserable or well on our way to being so. I can’t forget that, nor can I forgive it. Maybe someday I will be able to forgive her, but I’ll never have any dealings with her beyond what I feel right now again. Any soft feelings I may have had died along with the image I had of her.”
And you know, I couldn’t have said it any better myself. As far as I’m concerned, Michael and Deb Novotny as I knew them are dead.