CHAPTER NINE

Dance With a Stranger

"Okay Amy, if there's anything else that requires my attention right away, just call my cell or email me. Even though I won't be in New York, I'll still be able to handle business from my end. If I need to, I'll fly back for a meeting but make sure they're all scheduled in the same week, okay? Oh and I'll take care of the meeting next week in Rochester personally next week. Miranda Miller and her staff wouldn't expect any less." Amy was Justin's assistant at the art studio and often handled his personal business as well as that of the company. "Thanks for everything and keep in touch. I'll expect an email everyday." He hung up the phone, while tying his hair back. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he began moving about again.

There was no greater idiocy than agreeing to be in Brian Kinney's place, face and space again even if it was just for ninety days. Justin walked around his home gathering things he knew he would need while away-his computer and art supplies among them. I must be out of my fucking mind he thought for probably the millionth time since setting foot on the plane leaving Pittsburgh. Brian had taken him to the airport despite his objections and kissed him "Later" in front of everyone. It was so like Brian to deliver a kiss so intense it sparked passersby to say "Get a room" in several different languages. It had also tempted Justin to consider ditching business and clothes for the duration of their agreement.

"Are you sure that's all you're going to need?" Daphne asked interrupting his thoughts.

"No but I'm sure what ever else I may need, I can buy in the Pitts," Justin answered. "I wish you were coming with me. When was the last time you saw your folks?"

Daphne smiled. "Oh no, Justin Taylor. You will not use me as your scapegoat. This is between you and Brian and should have been settled long ago."

Justin sighed. She was right. This should have ended the day he left Pittsburgh for New York...but it hadn't. "This is pretty stupid. I mean here I am putting my life on hold for a risk that may not yield in my favor."

"And exactly what would be your favor? To be let go or forgotten about? Freedom? Because since the beginning all you've wanted is to be with him and now he's offering you that chance, yet you're hesitant. Why?" Daphne fired off the questions in her usual rapid speech. "What exactly are you afraid of?"

Justin thought a moment. What was he afraid of? It wasn't being seen as a kid-they've long since crossed that bridge. Justin was just as financially stable as Brian was which was a huge part of why he'd left in the first place. Every time something went wrong, Michael would involve himself and bring Brian's money right along with him which was an argument Justin couldn't combat. The longer he thought about it, the more sure he became of the reason this seemed like a genuinely terrible idea. "I'm afraid to trust him, Daphne. Throughout the whole five years of our actual relationship there was always some issue or another in which one particular person or people involved themselves when they should have minded their own fucking business."

"You mean Michael and Lindsey?" Daphne asked picking the thoughts out of his head. At his nod, she said, "Well what the fuck do they matter at this stage, Justin? I mean he flew here to see you. That has to count for a lot."

Justin flopped on his bed. "I know it should but I'm not the same man I was when we parted ways before Daphne."

"Yeah, don't I know. In your own way, you've turned into miniature Brian Kinney." At his protest, she held up her hand. "Well you have. You're just as afraid of relationships as he was back then. Don't even think about denying it. I know you better than anyone except probably him. To prove my point, what happened with Giovanni?"

Giovanni Ramone was the first man Justin had dated two years after leaving Pittsburgh and after the first "meeting" with Brian. He was as blond as he was, a really nice guy and a dancer with the local ballet company. He should have been everything Justin wanted-artistic, flexible, stable, emotionally available-but there was absolutely no passion between them. Sure there was plenty of fucking but Justin always felt hollow and unfulfilled afterward. "It wasn't right to lead him on, Daphne," Justin said simply.

"And Frederic Marchand? It wasn't right to lead him on either, right? Shall I name the others, too? You couldn't move on from Brian so you stopped trying. That should tell you something." She asked smugly.

"Okay you win. So what I have compared everyone to him. It doesn't mean anything."

She crossed over to him, sitting on the bed and placing her hand on his shoulder. As his cerulean blue eyes met hers she said, "I think it means a helluva lot, Justin, and you owe it to yourself...to Brian to see this through. If it doesn't work out, so what you'll both know but if it does...You both could have this really amazing life. Don't throw that away out of fear and stupidity."

He hugged her. Leave it to Daphne Chanders, his best friend always, to put things in amazing perspective. "Alright, I won't, Daph," he promised. "But I'm also not going to make it easy this time. I may love him but he will either fight for me-for us or watch me walk out and not look back. I can't make him love me, Daph."

Daphne laughed confidently. "So should I put your place up for sale now?"

Justin shook his head and laughed with her.