Reviewer: aglaja5 Signed [Report This]
Date: Dec 07, 2019 6:18 pm Title: Chapter 16: Exposure

Hi again! I really admire how you describe Justin‘s thoughts, his struggle and his dispair. I was curious and had to looked it up on wikipedia „In a study by Salman Akhtar (1975) the subjects of the obsessive thoughts of those affected were asked. The most frequently mentioned were:"... Next to others this was mentioned: „Violence and aggression (physical or verbal attack on yourself or others, accidents, mishaps, war, disasters, death)" I really didn't know that. Like Justin I thought, it would be mostly about the force to wash hands all the time or such things.

"the house Brian bought us in LA was the first place that felt like a home since I came out." - Wow, that's great and what I've hoped for Justin

It's so great to see Brian's onto Justin and sees right away that something is going on. And again, unsure of himself, he expected the worst. And I really can understand that he's hurt because of Justin's partially loss in trust in him or them, but who could blame Justin. Although he was really great after the bashing in helping and supporting Justin, there were so many moments when Brian pushed him away or expected Justin to assume things without revealing anything by himself. So, yeah, somehow he got this right "I've really fucked up" - It's so amazing to see how you let him grown up by letting him say things which Justin maybe would have needed to hear a long time ago (but I also understand that or why Brian wasn't ready to say such things at that time). "I would fucking tear the world apart for you." - Just beautiful!

I felt sorry for Brian, because with this reassuring and checking he thought, he would been helping Justin in some ways. But I'm also glad that he doesn't develop some kind of guilt about it. And I have to agree with Regina, Brian seems to be so natural at this. When Justin struggles so much later, he stays calm and finds other ways or exactly the right ways to help and support Justin! Amazing!

Author's Response:

Hi! Yes, the violent and aggressive thoughts are really common. I also work with a lot of straight people who have intrusive thoughts that they're gay, which is really fun to work with (probably weird to describe this work as fun but coming up with exposures like what happens in this chapter is like a puzzle). 

There is a podcast or something out there where they did a lot of research into PTSD and head trauma and learned (and this is correct) that people with those can struggle with reading non-verbal cues. So their headcanon, which I latched onto, is that in Season 2, Brian was great taking care of Justin but didn't realize that the Justin who "was onto him" wasn't functioing in the same way anymore. Brian communicates non-verbally so much of the time and Justin could no longer "speak that language" so to speak and that's where the Ethan episode happened. 

It can be really hard to learn that what you've been doing as a supportive partner has been making things worse, or at the very least not helping. But yes, Brian is such a natural care-taker that once he's pointed in the right direction, he's fully onboard and won't let Justin down. 

Reviewer: mamab Signed [Report This]
Date: Jan 14, 2019 9:08 pm Title: Chapter 16: Exposure

Wow,, you really must have researched well to write such a fantastic chapter.  Could feel all the emotions going on.  I love that Brian is helping Justin again.  He really does love him even if he can't always say it.  If he didn't love him, he would just leave.  My daughter suffers from panic attacks and the only thing that gets her through them is her husband just being there.  He doesn't do anything that any of us could also do, but it only helps when it is him. 

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your kind words. I work in the mental health field as well as live with my own mental health diagnoses so I have done a lot of research over the years. And yes, Brian speaks through his actions far more than words and actions are really what Justin needs now anyway. Panic attacks can be so frightening! Sounds like your daughter has her very own Brian in her husband :)  

Reviewer: The SNO Signed [Report This]
Date: Jan 13, 2019 11:30 pm Title: Chapter 16: Exposure

It's so obvious when you explain it: Brian did right after the bashing and was doing wrong with Justin's OCD, by enabling his fears. Let's hope it will enough.

Justin needs to get rid of his "scared little faggot" state of mind because he is better and stronger than that; also, it's not bad for a guy to talk about feelings. I hope he will get that.

I loved the humour you put in the "shoulder workout" that Justin is getting with Regina.

Author's Response:

Brian was so wonderful after the bashing. It's one of my favorite arcs in the series! 

Justin is learning it's okay to talk about feelings as a man. He's on a journey to unlearn a lot of what folx who are socialized as men are taught. 

And I'm glad you liked the humor :) I gotta make myself laugh while I'm writing.