Reviewer: Nichelle Wellesly Signed [Report This]
Date: Sep 03, 2016 6:29 pm Title: Chapter 1

This is going to be an AMAZING story, Nicole! I am so PROUD of you. I am already a fan of your work. This first chapter had everything I look for in a fic. Humor, angst and loads of PLOT! You even managed to seamlessly mix the individual POVs with the Narrator's perspective which is not easy to do even for the most seasoned writer. 

Now for the chapter itself:

Love the premise!! Michael being a moocher has always been one of my pet peeves. I always thought that Michael and Mel procreating would result in a child who is perpetually jealous, sneaky, determined, reasonably intelligent and manipulative and we have that loud and clear in Jenny Rebecca. She has the best qualities of her mother but the worse of her father. I think with the help of Ben and now that Lindsay and Mel's eyes have been open to Michael and Jenny's machinations, there is hope for Jenny to be saved before she travels too far down the road that Michael is on. 

Justin... what can I say about Justin that has never been said?? I really love the fact that he is intelligent- a clever devil, if you will- and that he has the backbone to stand up to ALL of them regardless of their senses of entitlement. You're building him to be a strong personality and I really appreciate that (I write him that way myself; I never saw him as weak even in canon). 

Brian... I love the fact that he and Justin are standing together. Whereas Brian may have been willfully blind to Michael's character- or lack thereof- his eyes are now officially open and won't allow anyone to close them again regardless of if he loves them or not. 

Gus and Hunter... I would imagine that the two of them would definitely have been friends at this stage. Gus needs someone from the outside of the situation looking in and Hunter has the unique perspective of not only being on the outside looking in, but first-hand experience in dealing with Michael and Jenny. I imagine that Jenny has tried the same garbage in reference to Hunter, blaming him for being the reason she does wrong things. But unlike Gus, Hunter called her on her bullshit without giving a care of what Michael and Ben thought in the process (even though Ben would have been fair in doling out reprimands).

Ben...Poor guy to be saddled with Michael! I never got that relationship or the attraction (which is why in all my stories I break them up...LOL). I love the fact that he is no longer excusing Michael for his behavior- something I felt happens way too much and the reason I write Anti-Michaels mostly. I'm also glad that he didn't buy into the 'Sex as an Apology' concept. Just the idea of Michael naked at anytime- including showering- is a stomach-turner for me, LOL. Anyway, I'm glad that he isn't being controlled, manipulated or forced to be quiet for the sake of peace this time around.

Mel and Lindz...Thankfully they are getting a clue. Both of them are beginning to see that Jenny is NOT so perfect nor was their choice of sperm donor. I'm glad Justin cut down Lindsay's "Peaceful Lesbian in the Middle" act while calling Mel on her hypocrisy in the way she treats Gus and Jenny. Perhaps there is hope for the two of them yet.

I'm sure that Michael will go running to Deb eventually with the fact that he has to pay back the loan. It must really burn his ass that Hunter is getting a free ride to college while he actually has to do some WORK to pay back a $300,000 loan. And what pray tell does he really need that much money for anyway? It can't be just for comic book store upgrades like he's saying, can it? Besides since this is fairly modern day, most ordering of comics and paraphernalia would actually be done online. So he wouldn't really need to update his physical store but his online presence and even that doesn't cost the likes of that much money. I guess what is he really planning to use that money for will come out and I for one am looking forward to the revelations this story is going to bring out!!

Happy Writing and HUGS,

~Nichelle

Author's Response:

Aww Nichelle, thanks!  So pleased you like it.  You are bang on about the loan it's not for the store, well not all of it.  Apols for turning your stomach there will be the odd moment of Mikey quease but all will work out in the end...

Reviewer: emac66 Signed [Report This]
Date: Sep 03, 2016 4:47 pm Title: Chapter 1

Short review as I'm on my tablet and I literally use one finger. Very time consuming. 

You're off to an excellent start! Really looking forward to what you do with this and where you take it. Love how you've given a good basis for all their relationships. Should be interesting to see how they all move forward...or in some cases lag behind.

Fantastic start. Congratulations on getting your fic out there. Looking forward to updates.

Cheers 

Elaine

Author's Response:

Thannks Elaine.  C2 hopefully will be posted next weekend.  No prizes for guessing who gets left behind.