BRIAN

I watch Gus play with other kids and could only thank the hours of therapy that had him finally coming out of his shell. Although, we were still having problems with him being afraid if I got out of his sight. The doctor told me that years of neglect can’t be erased overnight, and blaming myself for what Lindsay and Mel did and managed to hide from me wasn’t going to help Gus. I ended up seeing a therapist too, because I couldn’t deal with my own guilt; that I hadn’t seen the signs in my child. Alex and I spent time with me telling him why I blamed myself more than the people who actually neglected Gus.

“I was running around trying to help my mother and nephews get away from my father and sister. All I could see was that Claire was carrying on the legacy Jack taught us. I should have paid more attention to the fact that Gus never wanted to go back to Lindsay and Mel. I should have seen what the people I trusted to keep my son safe were really like,” I tell him.

“You put your faith in people who never gave you a reason to think they would do the things they did to you and your son. They accepted you when your real family didn’t, and it made you trust them. No one could have seen what was happening, not even you. They only let you see him when they wanted, so they were always prepared when you showed up. I want to suggest you both getting away from everything here. Gus needs a place where he doesn’t have constant reminders, and you need a place where those reminders can’t keep showing up, trying to bring you down to their level,” Alex tells me.

“My mother and nephews can’t handle being here by themselves either. I’m still reeling from my mother and me having a relationship,” I tell him.

“Brian, she finally saw the life she made you live when Peter ended up in the hospital because Claire and Jack tried to beat him to death. Up until that point, it was never more than broken bones. She couldn’t pretend God had a purpose for what they did. When John went to you she finally had to see the son you’ve always been,” He tells me.

“I almost slammed the door in his face,” I tell him, feeling guilty about that too.

“You didn’t, and that’s what counts. Instead you showed up and made sure Peter was being treated for injuries that should have killed him. While your sister and father took off to get drunk. Joan told me it opened her eyes to what she spent years drinking to avoid knowing. For all her faults, she loves you and her grandchildren, but she was the epitome of a battered wife. She made excuses for why Jack did the things he did, and when it got to be too much she turned to drinking and a Bible to avoid doing what she should have done the first time Jack laid a hand on her. She said she pushed you away because in her head it was the only way to save you and keep you believing that she viewed you as if you were the worst thing in her life. She wanted you to get away from the world she brought you into. It’s why you constantly met a wall of ice when you tried to be around her. She feels like she’s to blame that you looked to people like Deb, Michael, and Lindsay for what you didn’t have at home,” He tells me.

“It’s not her fault that I didn’t see the emotional abuse. Like you said, I only saw that there weren’t fists flying at my head. Anything seemed better at the time,” I tell him.

“Most people who come from abuse are blinded to all forms of it. It was that you equated fists, not words, as abuse. You didn’t see when Deb treated you well for taking care of her son as anything but caring, because you’d never had many kind words in your life. When Deb treated you like shit, you viewed it as the way life was supposed to be. Deb came into your life cleaning you up, but instead of telling you it wasn’t your fault, she gave you speeches about how you needed to stop antagonizing your abuser. In your head you felt she was right, because like your mother, you saw it as something you must have done to deserve what happened to you. Brian, there was nothing you could have done to stop what Jack was doing. It wasn’t your fault, are you hearing me? IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT,” Alex tells me this constantly.

“How do I not blame myself for the people I chose as friends? If it hadn’t been for Emmett, I might still be in the dark about Gus. I would have expected Michael to be the one to tell me, but Emmett, who I’m barely civil to, is the one who showed up at my loft and told me to get my head out of my ass and go get my son,” I tell him.

“Emmett admits that he only found out because the girls wanted him to plan their wedding. He really hadn’t been around them much until then. He’d been avoiding the whole gang since Michael and Ted started dating. He saw what Michael was like when he tried to spend time with Ted. He avoided you because he felt you would side with Michael, the way you normally did. Emmett was finally able to see you differently when Ted was almost killed himself because of Michael. Emmett said he realized you weren’t the selfish bastard that Michael constantly told everyone you were,” He tells me.

“I am a selfish bastard. I couldn’t let Ted beat me to hell,” I tell him, because I didn’t like the way he made me sound, like I was a good, caring person.

“You stopped the bleeding and kept him awake long enough for the paramedics to arrive. What you did to Michael that day was due to adrenaline and worry, not what Jack taught you from the crib,” He tells me.

“Yet it was the only thing brought up in court over and over again, how I punched my best friend out at the hospital when he was trying to be there for his boyfriend,” I tell him.

“Brian, the nurse who heard everything made sure the judge knew why you did it, and also told him that she felt Michael being near Ted at the time was detrimental to his health. I want you to think about something, Ted didn’t choose Michael as his POA, he chose you. He trusted you to make the right decision, even though he thought he loved Michael. It tells me he saw you as more trustworthy in his life than Michael,” He tells me.

“I didn’t want that kind of responsibility for anyone,” I tell him.

“You might not want it, but it’s who you are. You can’t walk by and not want to help the people in your life. It’s why you befriended Michael in the first place. He was getting beat up, and in a way, I think you saw some of what you were living through and couldn’t let someone else live that way. The only problem was, Michael took your help as his due when he let you hang out in his house. He used it as a way to keep you feeling indebted to him and Deb. You didn’t recognize it as abuse, because like I’ve told you, there weren’t fists flying at you,” He tells me.

“Deb treated me like I was another son. It was different,” I tell him, not really knowing why I thought so now.

“Deb’s worse than most abusers. She makes you believe she cares, when she really doesn’t care about anything but herself and Michael. I want you to think about all the times she ran to your parents, and made life worse for you. She didn’t go to Jack and Joan to try to make them see what they were doing to you, but to make sure you always had a reason to come back to her house. Each visit she made had you dealing with Jack’s fists and your mother telling you that no one needed to know what was going on in your home. Deb had the chance to get you out of that house when you were in the ER, with doctors who wouldn’t accept falling down the stairs as an excuse. Instead she lied to the doctors with your parents, saying Jack was trying to stop you from hurting your sister and you fell. Deb adding that it was you who had drinking and drug problems. It’s the one time I wanted to ask you about, but felt we needed to wait to talk about it until you were ready. Why did you agree that they were telling him the truth when the doctor talked to you alone?” He asks me.

“I didn’t want to call Deb a liar. At fourteen I didn’t see what I can see now, that Deb didn’t really give a shit about me,” I tell him.

“I know you hate this part, but I need to hear you say it,” He tells me.

“It wasn’t my fault,” I say, less sarcastically than I normally did.

“Time’s up, but don’t let it keep you from calling me if you need to hear that,” Alex tells me.

I open the door and Gus runs to me as Emmett and Ted follow behind him.

“Too long,” Gus tells me, hiding his head in my neck.

“Dada just needed to talk to a friend, Gussy,” Emmett tells him.

“Ted, it’s your turn.” I tell him.

“Yes, mother,” Ted says, walking in Alex’s office.

“I brought lunch, why not take Gus to the park and let him play,” Emmett tells me.

“I don’t wanna,” Gus holds tighter.

“Auntie Em and I will be there the whole time,” I assure Gus.

I looked at Emmett, who was setting out lunch, thinking that Alex was right, it was time for me to move Gus and me away from the town that only carried bad memories for us. My mom was all for it, saying with Jack and Claire in prison, she and the boys could use a change of scenery. It’s just, being guardian over Ted until he was better meant having to be here and make sure he didn’t fall back, the way I constantly did.

“I’m planning to move. Gus and I can’t stay here with Mel, Lindsay, Michael, and Deb,” I tell him.

“I don’t see staying here either. I think Ted needs to be away from Michael’s constant badgering. I can work anywhere, and Ted needs to find something that doesn’t remind him of his old life. Pick a place and we’ll make it work,” Emmett tells me.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to make your life revolve around mine. I don’t want to be the kind of friend who makes you feel like you can’t have your own life,” I tell him.

“I don’t like the life any of us have lived here. I want a fresh start, where the shit we’ve dealt with is gone. They aren’t leaving me alone either. Mel and Lindsay still believe if they can find a different judge that they can get Gus back. Michael and Deb are trying to get to Ted and tell him you're the last person anyone should expect to look out for them. Like I said, there’s nothing here worth staying for,” He tells me, handing me a sandwich. “This time eat it, I’ll be watching,” He warns.

I ate the sandwich, but only because Gus wouldn’t if I didn’t. It’s killing me that it took three years to see what was happening to Gus. Lindsay was always playing the caring mom when I was around, brushing it off when Gus clung to me, saying it was because of how little I was around. I wanted to believe that, even when Gus got hysterical when I left. Why didn’t I see when Mel took him from me that he was struggling to get away from her, and not just upset because I was leaving? It made me feel like I was his abuser, not his mothers.

“Brian, look at me,” Emmett ordered. “You couldn’t have known, any more than any of us. They kept you away, only letting you around when they needed money. You came to their house and they only let you see what they wanted you to see. Hell, I only saw what was going on because I showed up unexpectedly to talk to them about how the hell they planned to pay for the bullshit they kept adding. I was showing up to tell them I wasn’t going to do the wedding, but instead, found Gus dirty and eating anything that he could reach. Until I saw the girls passed out in bed, I never saw what they lived like.They made sure we only saw what they wanted, and Gus was too little to tell us what was going on. Gus will get better, but not if you are constantly blaming yourself for what they did,” He tells me.

“I keep telling myself it couldn’t have always been like that for Gus,” I tell him.

“Only Gus knows when it started, and do you really need another reason to pile the guilt of what those bitches did onto yourself?” He asks me.

“I gave them a way to live the life they were living,” I tell him.

“Brian, they used all the support money for themselves and then they stole all the money you were putting in the savings account for Gus. They used everything you gave for your son to live like Lindsay’s parents. That wasn’t you, it was them. I need you to stop letting what the others say about you affect the person who I see. You're stronger than everyone. We know it, and with time this will be just a bad memory. You need to start finding people who aren’t constant reminders of your past. I say we go to New York, it’s where you dreamed of being one day. I think it’s time to see what the Big Apple can offer a girl,” He tells me.

“How do you deal with Alex, it’s like he knows what we don’t want to tell him?” Ted asks as he sits next to me.

“He won’t let us hide anything, and I think you and I spent way too long hiding from the truth,” I tell him.

“I don’t love him. I was seeing someone who never existed,” Ted tells me.

“If we leave, how are you and Ted going to see Alex?” Emmett asks.

“Where are we going?” Ted asks.

“Alex suggested it was time to get away from everyone,” Emmett tells him.

“Emmett wants to move to New York, I have a job offer there, making a lot more than here. For me and Gus it would be better to not be somewhere any of them could show up, causing more problems. I was offered a partnership, and with the money I have, I could buy in without worrying about affording things,” I tell him, liking the idea more now that I have told them about it.

“Why buy in? Why not start your own business? I have money that I could invest in a business,” Ted tells me.

“I can be a silent partner. I might not be able to give you as much as Ted, but I believe in you,” Emmett tells me.

“The question would be, is the Big Apple ready for us?” Ted asks me.

“I’ll talk to Cynthia, I think she’s ready to get the hell out of Pittsburgh too,” I tell them.

I got Gus home and in bed before the buzzing started at my door. Michael seems to go out of his way to try to start trouble the girls could try to use against me. When he can’t get to me, it’s Ted next. Ted isn’t ready to deal with Michael. I put the buzzer on silent and wondered what Michael thought he was going to get out of Ted dying. Ted would have died if I hadn’t wanted to find out what happened to all the money in Gus’s account. I had every bonus I made deposited in it, and it all disappeared. I was only checking to see if my latest bonus had made it into the account when I heard how little was in it. Ted had more access than I did, which was why I went to see him that day.

Michael opened the door, saying Ted was sulking because he had mentioned meeting a guy at the gym. Ted already had low self esteem and Michael seemed to like taunting him with other guys. I finally went in to check on Ted when Michael yelled if he didn’t get out here, then maybe the guy at the gym could show Michael what Ted couldn’t.

“Fuck Michael, why do you say shit like that to him?” I asked him, going into the bedroom and not seeing Ted.

“I’m tired of him thinking he’s the best I could get,” Michael yelled, loud enough for Ted to hear.

I knocked on the open bathroom door, and it opened to where I could see Ted sitting in the tub, with his wrist slit open, watching his blood run down the drain.

“What the hell are you doing?” I yelled, grabbing towels and getting them tied around his wrist. “Michael call an ambulance,” I yelled when he came to the door, just staring dispassionately at what Ted did.

“Why? He’s just doing it for attention,” Michael tells me.

I ended up calling myself and staying with Ted on the way to the hospital, until the doctors took him away. Mel showed up, looking pissed that she had to come here. I called because I needed to know who could make decisions for Ted. I was praying it wasn’t Michael or Deb, because neither of them bothered to come with me.

“Ted seemed to think picking you was a smart move,” She sneered, throwing the paperwork at me. “Lindsay and I were busy with a party, and don’t really appreciate you calling, hysterical over a boo-boo,” She yells, leaving.

I showed the paperwork to the doctor and then told him that unless I approved the visitors, no one sees Ted. Which apparently wasn’t what Michael wanted to hear. I got called to come back to the hospital when I went home to change the bloody clothes I was wearing, only to be told that Michael got in to see Ted. I walked in, not hearing loving words of a concerned boyfriend, but Michael taunting him with some guy he went and fucked in their bed while Ted was being treated. Ted was devastated, and I was pissed. I wish I could say I just had him escorted out of the room, but I just let my fist do the talking. The nurse, Shelly, who was in the room, called the doctor and security to get Michael away from her patient. Shelly kept apologizing for being away from the station, but called when she heard what Michael was saying, and tried to have him leave. She’s one of the reasons Michael couldn’t help the girls when he tried to bring this up in court. She’s also the reason Deb and Michael’s lawyer couldn’t sue to get Ted’s POA from me. I told her if she’d been a man I would have married her for all she did for Ted and me. She kissed my cheek and told me I wouldn’t have been able to handle her. Which is why I hired her to stay with Ted full time until we were sure he was out of the woods. She became more than a nurse, she became a friend to all of us. Deb didn’t know what hit her when Shelly blocked her from any way to talk to us. Shelly was who I called when Peter got the shit beat out of him.

It was the first time I had to hold Shelly back from running after Jack and Claire. She couldn’t sit by while watching Peter fight to breathe. My mother was sitting there with a Bible on her lap, and Shelly picked it up and asked if the Bible said beat your family, or love them. My mother, for the first time in her life fell completely apart, blaming herself for the things that happened to all of us. I didn’t react, because to me it was just another performance to get sympathy for my poor mother’s lot in life. Instead I heard something that made me see what she did differently.

“I should have found a way for Peter and John to get away from them, the way I did for Brian. It’s was the only way Brian could live a life that didn’t include what was my punishment for staying,” She tells Shelly.

“Why did you need to be punished?” Shelly asked.

“For drinking instead of getting my children away from that monster. I thought I deserved what Jack was doing, for getting pregnant with Claire. I screwed up and Jack found out when I got pregnant with Brian. I should have left, so Brian wouldn’t have to pay for my moment of weakness. I just prayed like a good Catholic girl, that Jack could somehow love Brian even though he wasn’t his,” She dropped the bomb.

I fell back in a chair. That asshole wasn’t my father. It was freedom from the idea that I owed him anything. My mother sat next to me and said that she never told my real father about me. She just wanted to feel what it was like to be with someone who didn’t treat her like she was frigid afterwards.Then she did something she never did when Jack was tearing the house down around us, she called the police to report Jack and Claire.

I found out Claire stood by, watching what my father did to Peter. The way she did when I was the one being beaten by him. All because the old man drank away the money he accused Peter of stealing from him. Claire tried to say she didn’t know what to do, and that Jack threatened her too. I loved the way the cop asked her if getting drunk with Jack was because he poured it down her throat. Once again, I made it so my mother could be seen as the best place for the boys. I asked why John came to me, when he never seemed to like me.

“Grandma said no matter what we did to you, you wouldn’t turn your backs on us. I needed to save Peter, and I knew you wouldn’t turn me away,” He told me, as if in his mind it was the truth.

When Emmett came to me about Gus, I really hoped he was wrong, because I wanted Gus to have a wonderful life, full of everything I never had. What I found is that Lindsay got over the idea of being a mom and wanted to live the life her mother taught her. Mel didn’t care because she never really liked who Gus’s father was in the first place. The loving mother she portrayed when I was around ended the minute I walked out the door. Lindsay, like the rest of her set, got tired of playing with her new toy and ignored it. Which left Gus having to fend for himself when no one bothered with him. His therapist asked me to sit outside the sessions after I came unglued at my barely three-year-old son acting like it was normal to eat food left out for days on the table. The girls tried to say it was a one time thing, but Gus was talking now, and didn’t seem to have a problem explaining to the doctor, the judge, and his therapist, what went on at home. He ended up in foster care for a while because I had to be investigated, as well as the girls. I spent every minute I could with Gus, because the foster mother told the social worker Gus was worried I would disappear the way his Mama and Mom told him I would if he didn’t act like everything was what she told him to tell me. I couldn’t recoup the money in Gus’s account because Mel had control of it, but I didn’t care the day the court said Gus was mine. Lindsay cried a river, trying to convince everyone in the courtroom that I made Gus say the things he was saying. The doctor’s report showing the rashes and malnourishment from his exam of Gus didn’t have anyone believing a word she said, since Gus lived with her at the time.

I asked to have Gus’s name changed and the girls rights revoked until Gus was able to make his own decisions.

I looked out the loft window at the man who had sat in the courtroom, spewing my life out to make it sound like I was too worthless to care for anyone. He and Deb still want to think they have control over me. I picked up the phone and called the police, who are probably wishing they never heard the name Novotny, since they arrest them so often for violating my restraining orders. I watched one last time as the police handcuffed him and put him in the back of the car. New York was going to be a place where my life begins.   

JUSTIN

I watched as they installed my painting in the building. I was getting a reputation, but it wasn't overnight. My agent told me a new business was looking at my work and wanted something for their office. It felt good that they overlooked other, more famous artists and liked my work. I could laugh again, thinking of my father cursing up a storm that I wasn’t going to live on the streets, the way he believes I should. I left when the last painting was hung and went to the park for my favorite Sabrett hot dogs. I patted my stomach to let my child know Daddy was hurrying.

My friends tried to talk me out of having a baby, but I wanted someone who was mine. They couldn't understand wanting to have a baby when I was still single and young. They also still had families, which I didn't, since the day my mom and sister died in a car accident. Craig blames me for them leaving him, because Mom was coming to me. Late at night, when I miss her and Molly, I could almost believe him. When he tried to sue me for their life insurance, he brought up that it was my fault they were on the road that night. He seems to forget that he was the one who kicked my mother out when she wouldn’t ignore me. She’d been living on her own with Molly for three years before the accident. He couldn’t seem to get it through his head that they were divorced. He made it sound like I coerced my mother into changing the beneficiary of the policies she bought for herself, Molly, and me. My lawyer pointed out that the policies came after the divorce, and since he took my Mom off his, why would she want him on hers. The case never got past mediation, because the mediator explained to Craig that he really didn’t have any reason to expect money from his ex wife. I couldn’t figure out why he was fighting so hard, it wasn’t like it was massive amounts of money. It paid for the funerals and left me not having to work three jobs. I know it was that he was trying to get all the property my mother had and thought this was the way to keep my ‘disgusting lifestyle’ from embarrassing the family.

I sold everything but the keepsakes that were special to my mom and sister. My mom told me the day my father kicked her and Molly out that he was no longer family in her eyes. We all went on with our lives, leaving Craig to the life he seemed to want, one without us. Mom did well in real estate and was doing better than Craig’s failing business. How he thinks he can sell the same shit the bigger chains were selling cheaper is anyone’s guess.

I left home when he threatened to send me to military school so that his buddies could beat the gay out of me. It wasn’t easy at first, and there were times when I looked at the hustlers on the streets of New York, wondering if I should give up the jobs that barely paid my rent and do what they were doing. It took seeing the dead look they got when a john showed up to change that thought in my head. I might have been tired as hell, but I was still alive and still managing to survive. My mom had wanted to help me, but I needed to be able to say I could do it on my own. I don’t think a cheeseburger will ever be my favorite again after the many I cooked for the masses.

I looked up and saw the shithead I once dated with his new boyfriend. You know, the guy Ethan’s probably cheating on, the way they cheated when he was with me. Darius was always running around Ethan, kissing his ass. Ethan treated Darius like shit when he would pop up everywhere we went. It wasn’t until I went to see Ethan unexpectedly one day, to tell him I was invited to show my work at a gallery, that I found out about them. I wish I could say I was devastated. I hate to admit it, but I really wasn’t. Ethan was already getting on my nerves by then. Everything had to revolve around him. He didn’t want to hear anything if it wasn’t worship of his talent. I still don’t know why I went to tell him, other than he was the guy I was seeing. I just hate the way they seemed to go on a hate campaign to everyone we had in common. The only friends I had left were the ones who didn’t like Ethan in the first place. Ethan tried to derail my career when I wouldn’t come back to him. He kept saying Darius paid attention to him when I was too busy playing at being a artist, and that I owed him for my career. I stuffed the roses he gave me as a bribe to forgive him in the garbage disposal and turned it on. Then packed up the shit I left at his place and walked away. He tried to make me sound like a deranged ex, begging him to leave the love of his life. After that, I decided no more relationships with assholes.

As I entered the park he spotted me and made sure to head straight toward me, with Darius on his arm. I’m starting to wonder how anyone doesn’t see that he’s the deranged ex, who seems to think if he keeps shitting on me, that I’ll somehow think he’s the man for me.

“Wow, you really let yourself go,” Darius says, staring at my stomach.

“He was never better than you, Darling,” Ethan tells him, kissing him.

“No, that would require me kissing your ass while you played at being a musician,” I tell him, smiling.

“My record deal says I do more than play,” He tells me.

“How are you dealing with the closet Ethan stuck you in?” I ask Darius.

“You will never understand how to support the man you love,” Darius tell me.

“Support is one thing, but watching the man you love dating women, well that was just more than I could do. I’m surprised he’s even touching you, in public, where anyone could see it. I wonder what the agent is going to think if somehow a picture of that kiss gets out to Ethan’s admiring fans, you know, the six that bought the CD,” I smirk, barely containing a laugh when Ethan dropped his hand from Darius.

“What are you doing talking to them? We’ve been waiting for you to get here,” A man asks me.

I sort of gawked, the guy was fucking gorgeous, even while scowling at Ethan.

“Who the hell is this?” Ethan asks, pissed when the guy puts his arm around me.

“Who the hell is he?” The guy asks me.

“No one worth telling you about,” I tell the guy who is now glued to me.

“Justin, I want to know who this guy is and why he’s touching you,” Ethan demands.

“I’m whatever Justin wants me to be, but right now we’re late for our day with my son,” He tells Ethan.

I stood there, confused at why the guy was standing there with me. My baby kicked at me saying ‘Daddy feed me’. The guy looked down and then ran his hand over where baby kicked him.

“I need to feed Justin and our baby, so bye now,” He tells Ethan.

“Strange that no one mentioned Justin was seeing anyone,” Ethan tells us.

“Why do you care about who the fucker sees? We’re together now,” Darius demands, glaring at Ethan.

“Shut up, this doesn’t concern you,” Ethan yells at him.

“I don’t concern you either,” I tell him.

“I want to know who this fucker is,” Ethan demands.

“Brian Kinney. Now, why not run after the love of your life. Justin doesn’t have time for you,” Brian tells him, shooing him off.

“Daddy,” A child comes running and crying, with two guys running after him.

“Gus, I’m right here,” Brian says, picking up the toddler.

“He noticed you disappeared,” The taller guy tells Brian.

“I didn’t disappear, just came to get Justin,” Brian tells Gus.

“Hi Jussin,” Gus says, reaching out to touch my hair.

Ethan huffed then stomped off after Darius, who was almost out of the park. I smiled at Gus when he pulled back after touching my hair.

“It’s pretty,” Gus tells Brian.

“Thank you, I think you're rather handsome yourself,” I tell Gus. “Thanks for coming over. For some reason Ethan can’t seem to understand I was finished with him when I caught him cheating,” I tell Brian, turning to go get the hot dog my kid seems to be kicking field goals for.

“You dated that asshole?” Brian asks me.

“I will forever say it was the tequila that made me think he was worth my time. I really need to get some food before the baby here gets any more demanding,” I tell him.

“We were having a picnic, I make the guys try my stuff before I use it in my business. Why not give me your opinion. These guys never want to hurt my feelings so they just say it’s fabulous. I’m Emmett, this is Ted, and that of course is our Gussy, and Brian,” Emmett introduces everyone while taking my arm and dragging me with him.

“Justin Taylor,” I tell them.

Emmett piled a plate high and I was too hungry to argue with him. I think the moaning told him I was definitely thumbs up on the fabulous. Gus sat next to me, watching me eat, and I looked up at the guys who were watching Gus moving himself onto my lap.

“Kids like me, my friend Daph says it’s because I look so innocent,” I joke.

“Baby?” Gus asks when he felt the movement.

“Yep, hopefully it will be soon. I never realized how long nine months really are. She’s due in a couple of weeks,” I tell him.

“Are you having it with your partner?” Brian asks.

“No partner. Obviously my taste in men leaves a lot to be desired,” I tell him, cringing when they all nod their heads yes.

My phone rang and I saw it was Ethan. I silence it and smile as Gus keeps running his hands over the movement.

“I can take him, if you want me too,” Brian offers.

“I don’t mind. Most of my friends think if they ignore it, that a baby won’t suddenly appear,” I tell him.

“Why would they do that?” Ted asks me.

“None of them understand me wanting to be tied down to a kid. They think I should be drinking my nights away and picking up guys to have fun with. They really aren’t friends, just the people I know,” I tell them.

“We moved away from those kind of people,” Ted tells me, looking around as if sad.

“How long have you been here?” I ask.

“A few months, we’ve all been helping Brian set up his Ad firm,” Emmett tells me.

“Feed your clients the food you fed me and you’ll win them over. Thanks for rescuing me,” I tell them, handing Gus back to his father so I can get up. “Son of a bi…” I yell, when my daughter seems to be kicking to get out.

“What? Are you okay?” Brian asks, holding Gus.

“I don’t think my daughter is going to wait as long as the doctor thinks,” I groan.

Emmett and Ted got on either side of me to help me up, but I just wanted to roll in a ball. Brian handed Gus to Emmett and picked me up, asking what hospital. I told him I didn’t care, but managed to give Emmett my doctor’s card between contractions.

I thought I’d be alone when my daughter was born, instead I had three guys and a toddler in the room. The doctor didn’t argue when I told him to shut up and get her out. He performed the C-section and presented my little girl to me and my three new friends. I started to worry when I couldn’t think of a name. I thought I still had more time.

“What names have you thought of?” Emmett asks.

“I haven’t really found one I like,” I tell him, staring at her face.

Gus crawled up onto the bed with me and touched her face. “Lily, cause they’re pretty, like her,” Gus tells me.

“You think so?” I ask him.

“I can show you,” Gus tells me.

“I’ve seen the lilies and you're right, they are pretty like my Lily,” I tell him.

When it got late, Ted and Emmett decided to leave, but Gus seemed to think he needed to stay with his Lily. I didn’t mind, it was nice to have company when I expected to be alone. Gus fell asleep in the other bed while Brian was in the corner with a laptop that Emmett brought to him.

“Why are you still here?” I whisper, watching him.

“My son talked to you,” He tells me, closing his laptop.

“Why did you help me in the park?” I ask, when he didn’t say anything else.

“I could see you weren’t happy when they went out of their way to approach you. I don’t like assholes,” He tells me.

“It was sweet of you to care,” I tell him, yawning.

“First time anyone called me that,” I heard before I fell asleep.

I woke up when I heard Lily making noise, but didn’t move when Brian picked her up and fed her. He whispered to her to let me sleep, and rocked her in the chair while feeding her. I fell asleep, trusting him, someone I didn’t even know, with my world in his arms.

JUSTIN

I woke up to Gus crying and searching my room. I didn’t know what to make of it. He tried to get out the door, but couldn’t reach the handle to open it. I got up, feeling like shit and in pain, to get to him.

“Daddy. I need Daddy,” He whimpered.

“Gus, I’m sure he’ll be back,” I tell him.

“Where’d he go?” He sits on the floor, crying and breaking my heart.

I managed to sit on the floor, but didn’t know what to do. How did the happy kid turn into this? He wedged himself into the corner behind the door and I knew he couldn’t sit there, but when I tried to move him, he completely lost it. The door started to open with Brian talking over the screaming.

“Brian, he’s behind the door,” I yelled to be heard.

“Gus, I can’t come in if you don’t move. I have Shelly with me,” Brian tells him.

“Why weren’t you here?” Gus cries even more, before finally getting up.

“I thought I could get back before you woke up. Gus I’m here,” Brian finally gets in and pulls Gus in his arms.

“You brought me Shell,” Gus smiles through the tears.

“I came to see your Lily. Daddy was only showing me the baby,” Shelly tells him.

“I’m going to take him to get something to eat. Justin, this is Shelly,” Brian tells us, leaving with Gus clinging to him.

“I pray one day Gus will get over this,” Shelly tells me.

“What was that?” I ask, getting up with her help.

“That was what the bitches did to that poor boy,” She tells me, pulling the blanket back and putting me in bed.

“I only met them yesterday, so I don't understand what I just saw. Gus seemed like a very happy kid,” I tell her.

“You caught him on a good day. Unfortunately they aren’t all good for those men and Gus.” She tells me.

“They did seem... I don't really know how to describe it. I guess, like they were surprised by Gus talking to me.” I tell her.

“It surprised me, Gus doesn’t talk to anyone but the guys and me. I hardly believed Emmett when he told me about it.” She tells me.

“I want to ask, but it's not like they owe me any explanation.” I tell her.

“I can explain Gus, the others will have to tell you if they want,” She tells me.

“Why tell me anything? I'm just the guy they helped out,” I tell her.

“Brian wants Gus to have people around him, but we can't get him to talk to strangers or even other children. There's something about you and that precious baby that brought out the child we know is in Gus,” She tells me.

“Kids have always seemed to trust me. My sister… she used to say I was the best brother,” I tell her, trying not to get upset.

“What does she say now?” She asks.

“Nothing, she died with my mother,” I tell her.

“I'm sorry,” She tells me, rubbing my arm.

“Can we talk about something else?” I ask, nicely.

“Unfortunately Gus’s story isn't much better,” She tells me.

“It's okay if you don’t want to tell me. It's not like I'm anyone to them. I’m nothing more than the guy who they helped out,” I tell her.

“I think the boys saw a potential friend in you. If it keeps Gus talking, then I hope you will want to be in their lives. Ted smiled and laughed telling me about you, which is a big thing for him. I doubt you'll see the last of them when you get out of the hospital, but you're going to see things like what just happened. If you're going to be around, you need to understand,” She tells me.

“Then tell me, please. It was hard to have to watch him and not know what to do,” I tell her.

“Brian had Gus with someone who convinced him she wanted a child. Lindsay and her wife Mel, promised Brian that Gus would be raised in a loving home,” She growled out the last part. “Only it seemed that when Gus wasn’t what the girls expected, seen but not heard, they treated him like a puppy that was no longer wanted. They left him alone, only paying attention if someone was watching them. Gus was having to take care of himself while they were partying and forgetting he was around. Brian blames himself for not seeing what Gus’s life was like. The girls would put on a show when he was over, but from what I heard in court, the show ended the minute Brian left. Gus suffered from malnutrition, because he was eating whatever the girls left out when they passed out drunk. It took time to get Gus to eat at a table, because he never had before. Gus’s biggest fear is Brian disappearing, because that's how his mothers got him to not say anything, by telling him that Daddy would never come back if he told. Now it's like he's afraid to talk because of what his… those women, told him.” She tells me.

“I saw it, but didn't realize it. When Brian walked over to me yesterday, eventually Gus showed up crying,” I tell her.

“Even with all of us showing Gus that we care, Brian is the only one that calms him down. It's why, when Gus initiated contact with you, the boys were surprised. Brian can't even go to work without taking Gus with him,” She tells me.

“The guys mentioned him starting a business, at least he won't lose his job for doing what Gus needs,” I tell her.

“His clients have all thought it was cute to see the future leader of Kinnetik sitting on Brian’s lap,” She laughs.

“Kinnetik?” I ask, almost busting out laughing.

“It's his firm,” She tells me.

“It's also the firm that purchased my art,” I tell her.

“Those were yours?” She smiles.

“One of my first big commissions. I was there yesterday installing the last painting they commissioned before I met the man who bought them,” I tell her.

“He said he saw new life in the way you painted.” She tells me.

“I said the promise of new life,” Brian says, coming in with a happier Gus.

“I’m glad you understood what I was doing. A lot of people didn’t see it,” I tell him.

“Why did you paint it like that?” Shelly asks, when Gus climbs in bed with me.

“I was bringing a new life into the world. I wanted her to see the world as a place where everything wasn’t a giant mess, but a place we can one day be proud of. It was wanting to give her something to look forward to,” I tell them.

“Why sell them, if that was your intention?” Brian asks me.

“I like keeping a roof over our heads more, without having to take jobs where you ask ‘do you want fries with that?’ My art is starting to sell, and if I want to keep painting I sell what people want to buy,” I tell him.

“I could use an artist, if you ever need to earn more,” Brian tells me.

“For Ads?” I ask.

“Every Ad starts with my art department creating a concept. Where the campaign ends up depends on what my artists show the client. You’re good, or I wouldn’t have bought the paintings,” He tells me.

“I need you to write a letter to my father,” I joke, tickling Gus.

“Why?” Shelly asks, smiling at Gus.

“So I can rub it in his face that being an artist is more than playing. He thinks I’m only fooling myself that I can do it for a living,” I tell them.

“I thought MY life was full of assholes,” Brian comments.

“Your life is full of the right people now. The assholes are in Pittsburgh,” She tells him.

I didn’t know what to say to that, Shelly was saying it as if to get Brian to see something. I would guess it was the women who treated Gus like a plaything. It got quiet until the nurse came in with Lily. Gus was watching everything I did when they handed Lily to me. I felt like he was making sure I didn’t hurt Lily.

“She’s hungry,” Gus tells me, watching me feed her a bottle.

“You can help me hold the bottle if you want,” I tell him.

“She can’t do it?” Gus asks.

“Not yet, she’s not strong enough,” I tell him.

“Lily will get strong like me, then maybe she can open the doors,” He tells me.

“Lily will always have me to help her. I promise you that if a door needs to be opened, I’ll help her and you,” I tell him, wanting to find the people who made him think like that.

“Gus, we can come back, but Daddy needs to go see Cynthia,” Brian tells him.

“I stay with Lily,” He tells Brian.

“Gus, I won’t be here,” Brian tells him.

“Lily will,” He tells us.

“Shelly can you stay with Lily for a second. I need to talk to Justin,” Brian tells her.

“How about Gus, Lily and I go get a drink, Justin really shouldn’t be walking around.” She tells us both.

Gus only left after Brian promised to stay until he got back. He followed Shelly, trusting her more than me with Lily, I really tried not to take it as an insult.

“He knows Shelly will take care of everything,” Brian tells me.

“After what she told me, I can understand,” I tell him.

“I don’t think Gus understands that I won’t be here with you,” He tells me.

“I understand. You don’t know me and leaving him with me…”

“It’s not about leaving him with you. It’s that Gus gets scared when I’m not around. What he did earlier was tame. You just had a baby, and I don’t want you to end up having Gus get upset when I’m not back for a few hours,” He tells me.

“If something happens, I can call you. I’m sure you would get more done faster if Lily and I keep him occupied,” I tell him.

“Would it bother you if I ask Shelly to stay with you? She could at least be there so you're not trying to deal with Lily and Gus,” He asks.

“I don’t mind, it’s not like I have millions of people coming to see me,” I tell him.

“I wondered why no one came,” He tells me, looking out the window.

“They didn’t want me doing it, so what you're seeing is the support I got for doing it anyway,” I tell him.

“Then they aren’t friends. I learned who my true friends were before coming here. Your real friends stick by you even when they hate what you’re doing,” He tells me.

“I never said they were friends. My only real friend is Daphne. Who is going to kill me that I haven’t called her yet,” I tell him.

“Why didn’t she check on you?” He asks, as if doubting Daphne.

“She’s at Med school in Maryland, getting a degree to be a Psychiatrist. She was coming when Lily was due. In all the excitement I forgot to call her,” I tell him.

“I guess I’ll meet her soon,” He tells me.

“You plan on being around longer?” I ask.

“Gus likes you,” He tells me, as Gus runs in with Shelly and Lily.

“Bye Daddy,” Gus tells Brian.

“Sonny boy, I’m not going to get back for a few hours. Are you sure you want to stay?” Brian asks.

“Lily needs me,” He tells Brian.

“Justin is here to take care of her,” He tells Gus.

“I can help him, pleassssseee,” Gus begs.

“I’ll be here too,” Shelly tells him.

“Call me for any reason,” Brian tells me, writing down his number.

“Hopefully we won’t need to, but I promise if we do, you’ll get a call,” I tell him.

Brian stood there, as if waiting for Gus to realize he was leaving. Gus started singing to Lily, ignoring Brian. Brian left, but I saw him standing in the hall as if still waiting. It broke something inside me, seeing the way he didn’t know what to do. I picked up my phone and took a picture of Gus smiling at Lily and sent it to him. He looked at it and then walked away.

BRIAN

I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I sat in the entrance of the hospital instead of getting in my car. My life lately has been constantly standing guard over Gus, without him I couldn’t seem to make a decision. Then my phone went off, and I watched a video Justin must have just made. My son was asleep in a strange bed with someone he didn’t know. What made this man and his baby someone Gus was comfortable with? I made the call because I needed to understand what caused Gus to react this way.

“How are my favorite patients doing?” Alex asks.

“Lately things seem to be getting easier,” I admit.

“I’m glad to hear that the move did what I wanted it to,” He tells me.

“I called because of Gus,” I tell him.

“Is he doing any better about letting you out of his sight?” He asks me.

“He’s staying with Justin right now,” I tell him.

“Who’s Justin?” He asks.

“A guy we met in the park yesterday. We helped him get to the hospital when he was in labor. Then sort of stuck around because Gus was talking. Justin even let Gus name his daughter, Lily,” I tell him.

“Sounds like you had an eventful day. You said Gus talked to him?” He asks.

“Gus reached out and touched him, then when Justin sat down, slid onto his lap. I didn’t know what to do, Gus never goes to anyone,” I tell him.

“Sometimes all it takes is a person who exudes warmth, or gives him a feel of security,” Alex tells me.

“It didn’t help Gus this morning. He was asleep, and when he woke up ended up having a panic attack because I left to show Shelly the new baby. Gus completely lost it, and I felt like complete shit. I took Gus out of the room, not wanting to hear what Justin thought of what Gus did.” I tell him.

“Not everyone will react like you're a bad father. Brian, just like with special needs children, as a parent, you have to let it go when people act like jackasses because your child can’t control his emotions. You're in the same boat with Gus, because he still has emotional scars from living with the girls. How did Justin react?” He asks me.

“When I brought Gus back, Justin didn’t act like anything happened. Shelly probably told him about Gus,” I tell him.

“How’s Gus with the baby?” He asks me.

“He acts like he has to watch over her. He begged to stay with her, knowing that I was leaving for a while,” I tell him.

“Did you let him stay?” He asks.

“I did,” I tell him.

“Brian, this is a good thing for Gus. He willingly let you leave him alone,” He tells me.

“The problem now is how do I leave? I’m standing at the entrance of the hospital not sure what to do,” I tell him.

“You do what you need to do and hope Gus can deal with you being out of his sight. I’m assuming you don’t think Justin will hurt him,” He tells me.

“He just had a baby, I think Gus could take him,” I joke.

“But can you get in your car and leave?” He asks.

“Yes. No. I’m having a problem with it, why do you think I called?” I ask him.

“Tell me what’s stopping you,” He tells me.

“I don’t want to have to run back and see my son the way he was,” I tell him.

“Why did Gus tell you he wanted to stay?” He asks me.

“It’s like he thinks Lily needs him there,” I tell him.

“So he doesn’t think anyone can take care of the baby. It’s something his therapist needs to know. He’s projecting what happened with him onto the baby,” He tells me.

“And making sure Justin knew it. Gus was all over Justin when Lily was being fed. Then walked out with Shelly, not seeming to worry as much when Shelly had the baby,” I tell him.

“Shelly’s shown him he can trust her, she takes care of all of you. Just make sure Justin understands it’s not personal with Gus, just his reaction to what he’s been through,” He tells me.

“Justin seemed to understand without me telling him. I keep getting texts with video and pictures of Gus from him,” I tell him.

“Is it helping to control your fears for Gus?” He tells me.

“The last one was Gus asleep next to Justin,” I tell him.

“Which means you can go do what you need to do. So get in the car, get what you need done and then after a few hours I want you to call and check on Gus. Don’t call until a few hours go by, if they don’t call you. Brian, you need to have time where you can do normal things too. How is Ted doing?” He asks.

“Shelly said he was laughing and seemed happier after he left the hospital. He’s still having days where he barely gets out of bed.” I tell him.

“He’ll have those days, but don’t let him linger, keep him busy. I’ll be there this weekend so we can all talk about anything you need to, but for now I want you to get in your car and see what a normal day will be like when Gus gets better. Hopefully I’ll meet the ray of sunshine that came into your lives,” He tells me, hanging up.

I walked slowly to my car and got in, waiting for the phone to ring. I got all the way to Kinnetik and still nothing. Cynthia was looking around me when I walked in. She looked worried when she didn’t see Gus standing next to me.

“He stayed at the hospital with Lily,” I tell her.

“Did he get hurt?” She asks, worried.

“No. The guy we met in the park had his baby yesterday. Gus named the baby and for some reason wanted to stay with them instead of coming with me,” I tell her.

“Brian, if you need to be with Gus, I’ll handle things around here,” She tells me.

“I need to do this. I got a picture of Gus sleeping with Justin,” I tell her.

“Justin?” She asks.

“The guy who painted the art on our walls,” I tell her, going in my office.

“He told me he still had a few weeks before he was due,” She tells me.

“I guess Lily wanted to meet the world sooner,” I tell her, booting up my laptop.

“Just call me if you have to leave,” Cynthia tells me.

I started going through my emails and responding to the ones from clients. I looked through a few boards and approved the ones that were ready for presentation. It was almost two hours later when I had signed off on most of the things I needed to have done. I looked over at my silent phone. I heard Cynthia grumbling and figured the idiot brigade had most likely sent the daily hate emails to Kinnetik. My lawyer is really enjoying the stupidity of a lawyer writing and emailing shit about Kinnetik to clients who know I get them the results they want. Leo offered me his lawyer, Paul, when it started. He really loves letting Mel know that the money they stole from Gus is pocket change compared to what he will do to her for trying to damage my reputation.

I kissed Cynthia for never getting pissed at me for the people I brought into her world. I went to the hospital four hours later, not calling, but trusting in a man who, as Alex said, has brought sunshine into a world that hadn’t seen it in quite a while.

Justin was watching TV with Gus when I walked in.

“Daddy, Lily smiled at me,” Gus tells me, excited.

I was dancing in my head, my son was excited, not upset that I had been gone. Somehow it sounded wrong and right at the same time.

“Where is Shelly?” I ask.

“She said something about Ted needing her,” Justin tells me.

“You should have called, I would have come to get Gus,” I tell Justin.

“Gus was perfect. He helped me change Lily’s diaper and sang her to sleep,” Justin tells me.

“When do you get to go home?” I ask Justin.

“They release us in the morning, Daphne should be here by then. She just about took my head off until she found out I had people with me,” He tells me.

“I need to get Gus home to bed and check on Ted. We can come back and help you get home in the morning,” I tell him.

“I can handle it. It was nice of you guys to help me, but I’m sure you have lives of your own to get back to,” He tells me.

“I want Lily to come wiff me,” Gus tells us.

“Sonny boy, she is going to live with Justin,” I tell him.

“Why can’t she live wiff us?” He asks, getting upset.

“Gussy, I would love for you to come over and make sure my house is okay for Lily,” Justin tells him, before I could even think of a way to answer.

“I can stay wiff you when Daddy works,” Gus offers.

“I would love that, you could help me while I work,” Justin tells him.

“Can you tell my Daddy you want me?” Gus whispers.

“I think your Daddy knows anyone would want you Gus,” Justin tells him.

“My moms didn’t,” Gus whispers.

“The rest of us do,” Justin tells him, wrapping his arm around Gus’s shoulders.

Instead of leaving, I laid on the bed next to them and listened to my son talk Justin's head off. When Lily came in, Gus was too busy telling Lily the things they were going to do together when she grew up. I felt wounds healing, knowing it was only a start for Gus, and hoping one day there wouldn’t be any scars left for Gus to remember, and promising Lily that I would make all the things Gus wanted for her come true. When Gus fell asleep I moved him to the bed I was on and sat in the chair next to him, watching his smile while dreaming.

“He only had a minor issue,” Justin whispers.

“What happened?” I ask, preparing for a lot worse.

“He was afraid to flush the toilet. He said the noise was too loud for him. I let him watch me do it, but I think it still scared him. He calmed down by telling Lily not to be scared,” Justin tells me.

“He still has problems with anything too loud. Lindsay and Mel apparently got into violent arguments around him,” I tell him.

“When I think I’ve heard the worst in Gus’s life, it’s like I’m being prepared for even worse,” Justin tells me.

“Gus didn’t escape the Kinney curse, but I’m working on changing that for him,” I tell him.

“Did you?” He asks.

“I found out Kinney wasn’t my legacy when my mother told me Jack wasn’t my father,” I tell him.

“Are you close to anyone in your family?” He asks.

“My mother and nephews, but only recently. I found out my mother wasn’t the person she wanted me to believe she was. There are days when I don’t know who feels more guilty, her or me, for how things turned out for Gus,” I tell him.

“Don’t let the people who did what THEY did, become you believing it was somehow your fault. You’ll end up miserable, and in a way, they’ll get what they wanted from you,” He tells me.

“You and my shrink will love each other,” I tell him, wincing at saying I’m a head case who needs a shrink.

“If he’s telling you the same thing then I’ll love him,” Justin tells me.

“He’s trying to convince me that I’m not the selfish piece of shit everyone says I am,” I tell him.

“Why would you listen to people who most likely are what they want you to believe you are? I see a man loving his son, and only wanting that child’s life to get better everyday, no matter what you have to do to see that happen. Nothing selfish in that. I met you when the selfish asshole I dated wanted to try to hurt me, any way he could. You showed up and helped me, not knowing who I was, once again, not something that shows that anyone knows what they’re talking about. Live with the fact that so far I haven’t seen any evidence of what people who don’t matter want you to believe about yourself,” He tells me.

“Sometimes you believe what you hear all the time,” I tell him, yawning.

“Sometimes you learn that what you’re hearing is a reflection of the person saying it. I think it’s their way of trying to make you feel as shitty as they feel inside,” He tells me.

“Where did you get that idea?” I ask, trying to stay awake.

“Because I won’t believe it’s my fault my mother and sister died,” He whispers, falling asleep.

“I want to believe the way you do,” I whisper.

JUSTIN

I woke up when Daphne tickled my nose. She raised an eyebrow at my sleeping guests. I shrugged because I really didn’t know how to explain them to her.

“So how'd you managed to pick up gorgeous while in labor?” She whispers.

“They brought me here, then seemed to hang out,” I whisper, not wanting to wake them. “Gus slept in spurts, and woke up either whimpering or crying. Brian was getting up out of a sound sleep to calm him down. I wanted to let them rest, since it has been awhile since Gus woke up again,” I tell her.

“From what you told me, it's most likely night terrors,” She whispers.

“It is,” Brian answers without opening his eyes.

“Does it happen every night?” Daphne asks, concerned.

“We haven't made it through a night,” Brian tells her.

“How are you dealing with it?” Daphne asks.

“I do what he needs, it doesn't matter if I never sleep,” He tells her.

“It will when you reach a breaking point. No matter what your trying to believe,” She tells him.

“Daph, not now,” I tell her.

“I'll stop, but he needs to realize he has to take care of himself to take care of his child,” She gives her last lecture. “When do I meet our baby?” She asks me.

“I'm supposed to be out anytime after the doctor sees me, so I would assume they'll bring her this morning to meet you,” I tell her.

“Teddy, move it, we have a new baby,” I hear Emmett saying outside the door.

“I guess I'm not the only one who's excited,” Daphne tells me.

“Hi, we came to bring clothes for Brian and Gus. I picked up some things for you too. I figured since we brought you, you didn’t have extra stuff hidden in your stomach,” Emmett smiles at me and Daphne.

“He tends to go overboard,” Ted tells us, sort of smiling.

“Alex is coming this weekend. Don’t try to lie to him about yesterday,” Brian tells Ted.

“It wouldn’t work anyway,” Ted mumbles.

“Why don't we feed Gus, I'm sure Justin would like to talk to his friend, who just got here,” Brian says it as if he wasn't happy that she wasn't here the whole time.

“Brian, take Gus and Ted, all of you better actually eat,” Emmett orders.

Brian wakes up Gus, who for a second looks scared, then climbs into Brian’s arms. “Hungry,” He mumbles.

“We're going, Auntie Em ordered,” Ted tells him.

“Make sure they eat Gussy,” Emmett tells them bubbly, as they leave. Then he deflated in front of us. “I hate this sometimes,” He tells us.

“Why did you stop him, he apparently has a problem with me?” Daphne asks.

“It’s not you, it’s more about the people we once knew. Brian didn’t have the greatest luck with friends. What am I saying, all of us won the lottery at meeting pieces of work. All he saw was that Justin was alone through something a friend would be here for,” Emmett tells her.

“What’s with gloomy, he looked like it hurt to smile?” Daphne asks.

“I think it does for Ted sometimes. He’s getting better, but Alex told us not to let him sit in bed all day. Um, forget I said that,” Emmett tells us.

“Why? It sounds like you're not having an easy time either,” Daphne tells him.

“Daph, I think it’s more about him not feeling like spilling their lives out to strangers,” I tell her, getting up to take a shower.

“Sorry, it’s the future psychiatrist in me. I hate seeing anyone suffer. Justin won’t let me analyze him, so I tend to try to butt in everywhere,” She tells Emmett.

I closed the door, because if Emmett needs to talk, Daphne will make it okay for him to.

EMMETT

Last night wasn’t a good one for Teddy, but I didn’t want Brian to fly off to Pittsburgh and kick the shit out of Michael. More because Gus needed Brian here, otherwise I would love to see the old Brian in action. Daphne laid on the bed as if waiting for me to talk to her. It sort of made me laugh, normally it’s the patient lying down.

“You don’t have to say anything, I’m still a year away from being certified. It’s just, well, you look like you could use someone to share the weight on your shoulders,” She tells me.

“I want Teddy, Brian, and Gus to see there isn’t shit at the end of every road they drive on,” I tell her.

“So you’re trying to clear the way?” She asks.

“I’m  trying to at least make it so each day is better than the day before. It’s just that I’m used to Brian being the stronger one of us. Not that he’s weak, just that lately he’s had a lot to handle. I’m trying to help him, not add to his stress,” I tell her, getting up and laying with her.

“What does that mean for you?” She asks.

“It means sometimes having to remind them all to eat, stop Brian from taking out his stress on people who don’t deserve it, and in general keeping my family from falling apart. We’re actually doing better, but it’s not where I want us to be,” I tell her.

“But there are days you want to hide from it all,” She tells me.

“I can’t. They need me to be strong when they can’t be. Shelly, Ted’s nurse, is like our den mother,” I tell her.

“Is Ted sick?” She asks. “Sorry, you don’t have to tell me,” She tells me.

“He’s dealing with what happened with his boyfriend. It doesn’t help when Michael manages to get a hold of Ted. I just wish Teddy would see the fucker for the asshole he really is. Sometimes Ted sees it, but then Michael calls, making it sound like he misses Ted. I keep changing the number, but I can’t control Ted when I’m not there,” I tell her.

“Has he said why he’s giving the guy his number? It sounds like Michael isn’t calling for any reason but to hurt Ted,” She tells me.

“Alex thinks it’s because Ted wants a reason to succeed this time. It took a while for Ted to stop being pissed at Brian for saving him. Shit, I shouldn’t have said that,” I tell her, when for some reason I want to tell her everything.

“I won’t say anything, unless you tell me I can. Sometimes it helps you just to be able to talk,” She tells me.

“Sometimes I feel like it’s my fault, for staying away when Teddy started seeing Michael. Michael seemed to have a problem when anyone talked to Ted. Which I would have understood if I was flirting with Teddy, but Teddy and I were best friends, along with Michael and Brian. Michael started acting like a total shithead anytime he found out Teddy and I did something together. It’s not like we weren’t doing the same things before they started dating. It’s just, after a while I got tired of Teddy getting pissed at me for saying Michael was being unreasonable, so I stopped showing up to check on him,” I tell her.

“It sounds like you were doing what your friend seemed to want you to do,” She tells me.

“I became sort of the outsider in my friends lives. I went to Michael’s mother and that was a mistake, she told me that I was just being jealous that Teddy didn’t have time for me. I didn’t even try to go to Brian, he would normally agree with Michael, and at that point I just didn’t want him on my ass too,” I tell her.

“It sounds like you really didn’t have a choice but to leave it alone,” She tells me.

“And I did, until things happened. Then I made a point to find out if other things I heard were true. I started cleaning house after what happened with Teddy. I only wish I’d done it sooner for Gussy’s sake,” I tell her, feeling a little better just to be able to talk.

“You did something at least, which is more than most people would,” She tells me.

The nurse came in with our Lilypad. I decided Justin and Lily were going to stay in our lives, when for a day, everything was happy. We needed more days like that.

“I swear, only Justin could create something this beautiful,” Daphne tells me, looking down at Lily.

“Is he really doing it alone?” I ask her.

“He would have loved doing it with a partner, but after the last asshole, he decided to go to a clinic,” She tells me.

“I definitely get why, that guy doesn’t get that Justin didn’t care. Although he brought Justin and Lily to us, so I’ll thank him in my head, for being a dick,” I tell her.

“Talentless dick, make sure you always include that if he’s around,” She tells me, picking up Lily. “Welcome to the world, baby girl. Mommy’s glad to meet you,” She tells Lily.

“No,no,no,no,no, please, no mommy,” Gus whimpers at Brian when they walk in.

“She’s …” Brian holds Gus, not knowing what to do.

“Gus?” Justin walks out of the bathroom straight to him.

“Lily doesn’t need a mommy,” Gus begs.

“Gussy, she’s like Auntie Em, Uncle Ted, and I are to you, for Lily,” Shelly says, taking Gus from Brian. “Let’s go in the bathroom and dry your tears, Lily doesn’t need to see you crying,” She tells him.

“I can…” Brian starts to say.

“I know you can, but let me do it for you,” Shelly orders him.

When Shelly closed the door, Daphne looked at Justin, confused. Brian looked ready to rip into her. Teddy backed up, waiting for the explosion. Before Brian could say anything, Daphne did.

“Mommy is a trigger word?” She asks Brian.

“Yes,” He says through his teeth.

“Okay, then Auntie Daphne it is. Make sure to warn me if there’s something that can set him off,” She tells him.

“What makes you think you’ll need to know anything about my son?” Brian asks.

“The same reason that kept you here with Justin. You cared. And so do I,” She tells him.

JUSTIN

After getting home and letting Gus check my whole house to make sure he approved, Brian told Gus he needed to go to work. Gus seemed torn about where he wanted to be. Daphne and I watched all of them try to help Gus make a decision. Gus decided he needed to check on someone named Cynthia and left with Brian. Daphne wanted to go get stuff for my house. Emmett and Shelly told her they would take her around, since they needed stuff too. It was when Ted complained he didn’t want to go that caused problems for them. I finally offered to have Ted stay here until they got back. For some reason that relieved all of them, including Daphne. Ted looked at me strangely, but got that they didn’t plan on leaving him alone. I already figured out there was a reason they didn’t like him being left alone when Emmett said what little he said yesterday before I left him and Daphne to talk. Before they left to shop, Emmett pulled me into Lily’s room and told me to find things for Ted to do.

“You don’t have to entertain me, it’s not like I’ll kill myself in front of you,” Ted tells me, while I feed Lily.

“Thank you for not making me have to clean up after you,” I tell him, not getting where that came from.

“That’s different,” He says, mostly to himself.

“What?” I ask.

“Normally everyone runs around trying to convince me I have so much to live for,” He tells me, sarcastically.

“Do you talk like that a lot around people who obviously care about you?” I ask.

“I don’t tell them anything. They can’t see that my life isn’t worth this much trouble,” He tells me.

“I guess it isn’t if you value it so little. I guess whoever made you feel this way, won,” I tell him.

“You mean Emmett didn’t tell you all about me?” He asks.

“No, they respected your right to keep your secrets. I didn’t know anything other than you and grumpy have a lot in common,” I tease.

“I have bad days, and for some reason Brian can’t leave it alone. Emmett, I understand, because he’s the kind of guy who cares too much,” He tells me.

“Why do you think Brian doesn’t care?” I ask, taking Lily to her crib.

Ted followed me, not saying anything until I closed the door on Lily’s room.

“She deserves to never let anything bad touch her,” He tells me.

“Children don’t deserve anything bad in their lives. What Gus went through really makes me wonder why some people have kids,” I tell him.

“In Gus’s case, it was so Lindsay could play lady of the manor with her mistress, while the husband was supporting them,” He tells me.

“Brian was married to her?” I ask.

“I’m sure she fantasizes that he did, only so she could live the way she wanted. It had to do with wanting more than what her mother got out of marrying her father. Lindsay’s the wicked stepsister, not Cinderella,” He tells me.

“Hopefully she won’t live happily ever after,” I tell him.

“I’m sure she’s plotting a new way to get Brian’s money back,” He tells me.

“You never said why you think Brian doesn’t care, from what I’ve seen, he cares a lot,” I tell him, not wanting Ted to tell me something Brian might not want me to know.

“We were never friends before I dated Michael, and he didn’t seem thrilled that Michael and I dated. For a while, I thought it was because Brian wanted Michael and was pissed that Michael picked me,” He tells me.

“Was what you thought true?” I ask.

“I found out that Michael and his mother kept Brian believing they were the ones who saved him, and it caused him to do what he does; take care of people. It took me a long time to forgive him for not letting me die,” He tells me, looking away.

“I could see it making you angry; he denied you what you thought you wanted. I just never understood how anyone could get to that point. To me, if you want people to win, then you give up. I always believed it was better not to give in to assholes who want to put you down,” I tell him.

“I thought he really loved me,” He tells me, holding his head in his hands.

“Love is the emotion that causes all sorts of atrocities. It causes people to lose who they are,” I tell him.

“Brian calls love, bullshit,” He tells me.

“If it makes life easier for someone, then I could understand why a person would think that. I want to believe that when you find the right person, you see that love isn’t the bullshit the wrong person makes it seem to be,” I tell him.

“It looked like the guy in the park should have made you think differently,” He tells me.

I got up and pulled out the food Emmett brought with him. Ted followed me, and I made him a plate, in hopes he would eat it without realizing what I was doing. He sat down with me and ate as if he knew he had to.

“In the beginning Ethan seemed like everything I wanted; an artist who understood how our crafts take over sometimes. I didn’t really pay attention to the ego he exudes; a lot of artists are a bit egotistical. It comes from people constantly telling you you're doing something no one else can. Only, over time, I realized he didn’t like anything eclipsing his talent. I didn’t like the person he was when another musician won a contest. He spent all his time talking about how the people must be deaf if they thought the garbage the guy played was better than what Ethan did. Then, when I won an art contest, instead of lauding my art, it was I just got lucky a guy judging the contest liked my ass. I stayed with him, but I also knew we were over. He helped end it by cheating on me, but I should have just ended it before that,” I tell him.

“When you love someone, it’s hard to end it,” He tells me.

“I didn’t love him, which makes it stupid that I stayed with him as long as I did. He didn’t like it when I didn’t defend him to Daphne, but agreed with her. Daphne has a low tolerance for assholes who think you should kiss their ass,” I tell him, laughing at the fights Ethan couldn’t win against her.

“I wanted to believe Michael. I spent years loving him, and when he finally returned my feelings, I thought I’d won everything I’d dreamed of. It’s just, what I thought our life would be like was different from what it was. I guess I wanted him to be the person I thought he was,” He tells me.

“It’s what we all want when we meet people we’re attracted to. I didn’t want to believe it when Daphne told me how she viewed Ethan,” I tell him, adding some chips when he finished the ones on his plate.

“I didn’t let anything Emmett said change what I wanted. He still feels responsible for what I did,” He tells me, pushing the plate away.

“A real friend only wants the best for you. He probably thought there was something he could have done, so you didn’t do what you did. You're never going to change what happened to you, but you can try to get past it,” I tell him.

“Alex acts like the fact that I don’t run into traffic is an accomplishment,” He tells me.

“Do you like the person you are now?” I ask, worried I’m getting above my head here.

“I don’t know. I keep doing things that I would have told Emmett were stupid,” He tells me.

“Like what?” I asks him.

“Like texting Michael my number when Emmett changes it. Then I answer, knowing that Michael isn’t going to do anything but give me reasons Brian shouldn’t have stopped the bleeding and gotten me help,” He tells me.

“You don’t have to tell me, unless you want to, but what made you get to that point?” I ask.

“It just seemed easier than being a constant disappointment to the man I loved. I always felt like he saw me as what he settled for,” He tells me.

“Who did you think he wanted?” I ask.

“The guys he would constantly talk about hitting on him. Brian. Or anyone other than reliable me,” He tells me.

“Brian?” I ask.

“I sometimes felt like Michael used me to make Brian jealous. It wasn’t until I overheard a conversation Michael was having with Mel that I realized Michael didn’t really even like Brian. He just saw Brian the way the girls did, as someone to use. Michael wouldn’t have wanted Brian, because he couldn’t make Brian jealous, but he was jealous of men throwing themselves at Brian,” He tells me.

“Ted, you need to stop letting Michael in any part of your life. If Ethan could get me to come back, I’d be where you are. I like myself too much to want a life where someone wants me to believe I’m not good enough. I think you just need to listen to the people who care about you, not someone who doesn’t,” I tell him.

“Ever think about getting in the shrink business?” He jokes.

“That’s Daphne’s job in this relationship. I just got stuck listening to everything she was learning. She’s willing to let people talk, when I’d be telling the idiot that not getting the Jag mommy and daddy promised isn’t really a life threatening issue,” I joke.

“It was nice… you didn’t… it’s just nice for once not to see pity in someone’s eyes,” He tells me.

“All I saw was three people who care about you, maybe it's time you look at your friends,” I tell him.

Lily wailed to let us know she was ready for attention. I got up, but Ted told me he'd get her. He came out after longer than it took to pick her up and bring her out. I sat patiently waiting.

“I changed her,” He tells me, smiling down at her.

“It's still hard to believe she's finally here,” I tell him, handing him her bottle.

“I didn’t get wanting a child. I still remember us trying to talk Brian out of giving in to Lindsay. Well, more like Michael telling us to talk Brian out of it,” He tells me.

“I had people trying to talk me out of it, but they really weren't people whose opinions were something to listen to. They didn't get that it’s my life, not theirs,” I tell him.

“I think we let Michael’s mother’s opinion matter too much. She always acted like she was the Gay Loving Mother of our dreams,” He tells me, as Emmett, Shelly, and Daphne came in.

“We all came from a place where our families treated us like shit for being who we were,” Emmett tells him.

“I guess it was why we wanted to believe in Deb when she preached acceptance and love at us,” Ted tells him.

“She needed you guys to carry on the myth of her own mind,” Shelly tells him.

“In case you didn't catch the sarcasm, that's Shelly-speak for Deb is a cold hearted bitch,” Ted laughs.

“That’s my opinion on a woman who I already had low expectations of, for birthing the idiot. She just seems to think the bar wasn’t low enough in my eyes,” Shelly giggles.

“I’m sure she thinks you're just as bad, you know, for showing us who Deb really was. Deb tried to get in the…” Emmett stopped.

“I told him about me,” Ted tells him.

“Deb showed up when Michael was told not to return, to give Ted more of Michael’s idea of love. She ran into the roadblock that was Shelly. It’s the first time we got to hear Deb’s real opinion on all of us for not kissing Michael’s ass,” Emmett tells me.

“I just let her know what I thought of her and her son. I can’t help that she’s too busy thinking you owe her for letting you near her precious baby. She seemed to think you guys were the problem, not him. She didn’t like my thoughts on where all the guys problems came from, you know, her and the antichrist she birthed,” She tells us.

“Sorry, but I think the antichrist would be offended. I think even Satan would object to sharing hell with Deb,” Emmett tells us.

When Brian came in with Gus, we were all cracking up, including Ted. I watched Brian seem to take a deep breath and breathe out as if somehow it got easier for him. Gus came over to check on Lily.

“I’m going to be the bestest big brother ever,” He tells us.

“I think don’t think Lily could have a better one,” I tell him, letting him crawl in my lap and help me put her to sleep.

ALEX

I was packing up my things for the night, smiling at the video Emmett made of all of them laughing. All of them had been sending me pictures of Lily and Gus together, and I could see the happy boy coming out in Gus. Ted even texted that he had told Justin most of his story and Justin only thanked him for not making him clean up after him. Ted wrote that it was nice for once to be treated like he was normal again. Brian would just forward what Justin sent anytime he was away from Gus to work, and he admitted it was getting easier to only wait ten minutes before finally getting in the car and leaving. Gus has even stayed with Emmett and Shelly alone while Brian worked. The episodes were still happening, but they were lessening in frequency, and Gus slept six hours without waking up. Gus’s night terrors weren’t about what happened with Mel and Lindsay. They were dreams that Gus lost Brian because he told on the girls.

A lot of my colleagues didn’t understand why I didn’t find them a doctor closer to them when they all moved away. They didn’t know Brian the way I do; he’s difficult when it comes to therapy. Brian talking to a therapist was a huge step for him, when most of his life had been hiding behind sarcasm. I knew if I handed him over to someone else, Brian would blow off therapy. He never believed that talking helped more than hurt. It was in all his dealings with his parents and Debra Novotny. Every time he opened his mouth; it meant a fist from Jack, his mother treating him like he was betraying his family, or Debra telling him that he causes what happens by opening his mouth. The result was Brian learning to hide anything that hurt him emotionally or physically. They all saw the party boy. I saw his escape from the world he came from, and the world he ended up in with Debra and Michael.

Debra and Michael are people that, if I was court ordered to help, I would hand in my license before helping either of them. I’ve always believed that everyone deserved a chance to get help; that with the right treatment and guidance, you could help anyone. Meeting Debra and Michael changed my idealism, when I would overhear the way they constantly put down Michael’s friends when they weren’t there to hear it. All that changed when they testified in court.

The normal Deb, with the colorful wardrobe and language was absent both times in court. It wasn’t like I expected the loud, brash woman all of Liberty Avenue knows to show up in a pride flag, but even I was surprised at how well Melanie taught her and Michael to behave. Lindsay taught Deb when to tear up, and how to talk in a way that sounded like it hurt her to say what she said about Brian and Ted. Then act as though Michael not giving a shit that Ted almost killed himself was due to shock and nothing more.

She talked as if she couldn’t understand why Brian wouldn’t think Ted would do better with Michael and her to take care of him. She sniffled and looked to the judge, saying that she did her best with Brian and was afraid that Brian’s lifestyle would become more important, and Ted would be left on his own. How Brian really only cared about himself and was only bothering with Ted because he made the mistake of thinking Brian would be responsible.

She used the day Brian could have escaped Jack’s beating as how she had to intervene before Brian hurt his parents with false accusations. That Brian even told the doctor what she explained was the truth. It was brutal to watch Brian listening to a woman who he thought loved him, work on destroying him.

Michael was even worse. Telling anything of Brian’s past to make him sound reckless and irresponsible. Telling the court that Brian most likely led to Ted’s low self-esteem, by constantly making fun of Ted and humiliating him in front of groups of people. Only, Michael seemed to forget that people heard the way Michael was the one doing it in public, encouraging Brian and Emmett to join him. A lot of people brought up to testify said Ted gave as good as he got from Brian, and in a way they seemed to have fun making fun of each other.

Debra and Michael seemed to count on Ted to say he wanted Michael not Brian seeing to his best interests. We were really lucky Ted had gotten over his anger at Brian for not letting him die. Ted told the judge he felt the person who tried to stop the bleeding, not the one who stood there saying he was doing it for attention, was the person he felt wanted to see him get better. With those words, nothing that came before mattered to the judge or to Ted’s mother, who flew in when Deb called her.

Shelly gave a detailed account of Michael’s brand of being a ‘loving boyfriend’. She told how she walked in to hear Michael taunting Ted with some guy he picked up and slept with in their bed. Telling Ted that he didn’t have to fake it the way he did when Ted was in bed with him. Then told Ted he expected him to change who his POA was, to show Michael who he loved. She told the truth, that Brian did hit Michael, but only after Michael said very viciously to Ted that he couldn’t even kill himself right. She told the lawyer, who was trying to get away from that bomb, that she felt Michael would only have helped Ted to succeed if given his ‘loving partner’s’ POA.

The custody case was the foursome throwing every bit of Brian’s life out there. From Brian being drunk and high when he showed up hours after Gus was born, and only staying long enough to disrupt the whole room, before leaving for a weekend bender. Michael included that Brian took them to the roof, threatening to jump at having a child.

Brian didn’t let his life be the only one that mattered when he took the stand. He admitted that he wasn’t father material when Gus was born. The girls had made it clear that he would only donate sperm, and nothing more, in Gus’s life. When he was badgered at his constant changing of his mind at signing over his rights, he told the lawyer the expectation was also that the girls loved Gus and took care of him, it seemed to him they changed their minds about being real parents to HIS SON. He added that he felt paying for all of Gus’s needs meant they must have changed their minds as to his role in Gus’s life. Mel and Lindsay didn’t like being asked why they were using the money Brian provided for Gus on everything but Gus. It was the only time Debra broke out in the court. The judge in that case hadn’t been impressed with Debra to start with. She stood up and yelled that the girls weren’t on trial, but Brian. The judge had Debra removed. I swear he was smiling at getting her out of there.

Mel and Lindsay were in the hot seat when the doctor talked about seeing Gus the night Brian took him from their house. Gus, feeling safe because his father told him nothing would keep him from Gus, told the doctor his life story, including his mommies telling him Daddy would leave if he said anything. Brian called me that night, not understanding how he missed all the signs of Gus’s neglect.

We found out that the girls would party with friends all night, while Gus was left to run around the house. When the morning came, Gus would be left alone until sometimes late afternoon because the girls were passed out. He would just eat whatever was left out, before watching TV until someone appeared. Then he would hide if his mommies were having a bad day.

Lindsay admitted that the day Brian showed up they weren’t being the best mothers. She tried to blame Brian for not picking up Gus for his weekend. I snickered when Mel eyes bulged out at that statement, because Brian’s lawyer asked her why he had weekends when she and Mel both stated in earlier testimony that Brian wasn’t fit to take care of a goldfish. He also asked why, if Brian wasn’t supposed to be a custodial parent, or even a parent in Gus’s life, that all the financial aspects of Gus’s life fell to him. Lindsay tried to say they never asked for money from Brian. The list Brian kept; of dates, times, and what he was told the money was for, had Lindsay stuttering.

Mel just looked like a jealous wife when she took the stand. Everything wrong in her life was laid on Brian’s doorstep. She got angry when the lawyer asked her why, since she seemed to hate Brian Kinney, did they want a child from him. She tried to play off that it wasn’t hatred, just disapproval of a man who fucked anyone who walked by. Brian smirked at her, and she lost it, yelling that anything that came from Brian was worthless in her eye’s. The judge asked was that also her view of the son she was supposed to love? At that point, it was just waiting for the verdict, since Mel couldn’t find a way to salvage what she said in front of everyone.

Mel and Lindsay tried to get reporters interested, only to find they didn’t like the questions about why a three year old was left alone to fend for himself. When Gus was brought in to sit with Brian, he screamed loudly, terrified, when Mel and Lindsay came near him. I doubt there was a person in the courtroom who didn’t hear Gus yelling that his Daddy promised him that telling on them wouldn’t make Daddy disappear. The judge told Gus he agreed, that Daddy wouldn’t disappear, no matter what Gus needed to tell him.

I wanted Brian and the guys to get away, because even after losing their cases, none of them could leave Brian to help his son. When Brian agreed to the move, his only problem was Ted not being able to see me. I worried more about Brian closing himself off if he didn’t see me. It was agreed that I would come on Saturdays for their sessions.

Emmett let me know that Ted gave Michael his number again. We both knew no matter how much Ted professes that he’s over Michael, he still believes the reason the relationship failed so badly, was him. I had to explain to Emmett again that Ted wasn’t cured, but a work in process. It’s just nice to see them happy, even if it’s just for a day.

I wanted the family that Brian, Ted, and Emmett were making, to succeed, and for them to leave behind the family that wanted to bleed them dry. I watched the video one more time, thinking that that young man and Lily seem to have found a place in the new family, who needed them just as much.

EMMETT

I started to feel like we were going to overstay our welcome at Justin’s house. It was just, well, today Shelly and I didn’t want to stay while Alex had his sessions with Ted and Brian. So we, along with Gus, showed up at Justin’s with food, saying I needed someone else’s opinion. Shelly and Gus were on the floor watching Lily. Justin must have the patience of a saint to put up with all of us showing up constantly.

“You know, I don’t mind if you don’t keep bringing food, I like having people around,” Justin tells me.

“He loves the fact that you bring yummy food too,” Daphne tells me. “Justin, don’t screw with free food, especially good free food,” She tells him pointedly.

“I wanted him to know I’m fine if they just want to hang out,” He tells her, stealing stuff off her plate.

“Well, just know when I’m here, bring all the food you want,” She kisses my cheek, hopping off the counter to go play with Lilypad.

“Alex is here and I didn’t want to be in the way,” I tell him.

“I’m sure they like that you respect their privacy,” He tells me.

“I used to think I was an excellent judge of people’s character. This last year I found out I had misjudged all the people I knew. There are times when it surprises me that Brian even wanted me around with how I never had anything nice to say about him. I had actually thought Michael and Deb should be sainted for letting him stick around. Which now I know is because Brian didn’t fake anything so people would think he was a great guy, like the friends I thought were great did,” I tell him.

“It’s always the people running around trying to get you to acknowledge what they did for you, I worry about. They want you to tell them how great they are, when the truth is, they aren’t,” He tells me.

“It's like when Deb would constantly talk about how she's the reason her brother made it through when he almost died. She practically holds it over Vic’s head like a bludgeon. Every story was how she stayed with him, wiping his ass, feeding him chicken soup, and that was the only reason AIDS didn’t take him. I remember thinking she loved her brother, but now looking back, I don't see it that way,” I tell him.

“Last I checked, it takes more than chicken soup and wiping someone's ass to get them to survive any sickness,” Daphne tells me, sitting down.

“It just sounds more like her way of keeping Vic indebted to her,” Justin tells us.

“I can say I know it now, but back then I didn’t see how some of the things she said were her way of controlling the people in her life. It had to humiliating to him when she said stuff like that in the middle of a busy diner. She constantly told Brian he was lucky to have her and Michael in his life. Which is how I now hear the Vic speech, without the details,” I tell them.

Brian, Ted, and Alex came in. Ted was fidgeting. I prayed Michael didn’t somehow managed to get a hold of him again.

“I'm Alex, it's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard a lot about you and Lily,” He tells Justin.

“I hope they didn’t mention my opinion of labor,” Justin jokes.

“I promise not to let it cloud my judgement,” Alex smiles at him.

I looked at Brian, who didn’t seem to like how cozy Alex seemed with Justin. He really needs to tone it down, they were just kidding around.

“I hope you won’t mind, but Ted wanted to talk to everyone. He said you helped him see some things and wanted to include you too,” Alex tells him.

“Justin doesn’t mind. I’m Daphne,” Daphne says, as she pushes Justin out of the way. “I’ve read some of your papers about human behavior, cause and effect,” She grabs Alex and sits him next to her.

“Daphne’s studying to be a psychiatrist for children,” Justin tells him.

“It’s probably the toughest field. It’s hard to see innocence lost or missing in children,” He tells her.

“I want to try to help as early as possible. I want to believe that if we can help them young then they have a better chance of being healthy into adulthood,” She tells him.

“My only advice to you is that there will be times you have to accept that you did the best you could. Not every case is going to end in a win. It’s advice that would have stopped me from continuing with a patient when they needed more than I could provide,” He tells her.

“Ted, why not sit down, whatever you want to tell us can’t be that horrible,” Shelly tells him.

“Ted, you know that anything you say to us is a no judgement zone,” Emmett tells him.

“Gus, how about you and I take Lily to get some ice cream?” Daphne asks him. “That way you don’t have to listen to the boring adults talking,” She smiles to Ted.

Gus looked to Brian, who nodded that he could, then left with Daphne and Lily.

“Ted, you don’t have to rush, just tell them in your own words. They won’t change anything, but give the people who care about you the reason you feel you keep letting Michael affect you,” Alex tells him.

“I wanted to tell my friends… my real friends, the ones who love me for me… I’m sorry for what I did to you. I just couldn’t see past the pain that took over, to see what Brian did for me by not letting me die. It was after I cut my arms up and watched the blood flow, I felt free for the first time. I thought I was giving people what they wanted… Michael, what he wanted. It was a selfish decision, because I didn’t care how it would have affected you Emmett. I didn’t honestly think my being gone would leave any real mark on the world. All I could think was the pain as I cut into my arms was less painful than breathing everyday. So when I woke up to find out Brian had stopped me, I hated him for keeping me in pain by living. It took a long time for me to see he knew my dying would hurt the real people in my life. People who never made me feel like I should be glad for being allowed in their worlds. Justin, you helped me by not acting like it made me different, because of what I did. I’m still, as Alex tells me, a work in progress, but having all of you care, helps me,” He tells us.

“We always will care, Teddy,” I tell him, sitting next to him, hugging my best friend.

“I wanted to believe Michael had to love me if he was with me. It’s why I keep letting him get in contact with me. I know I’ve been saying I’m over him, but it’s hard, when I really loved him,” He tells us.

“So did Emmett and I at one time, but we both know that what Michael brings with him, isn’t worth letting him around. I thought Michael cared about everyone, he fooled all of us,” Brian tells him.

“You know, I was jealous of how close you two seemed to be to each other. For a while I enjoyed the way Michael would act about Emmett. Until he told me I had to choose Emmett or him, I told him if I had to chose so did he. I didn’t expect the way he acted, like throwing away his best friend didn’t bother him,” Ted tells Brian, wincing when he said the last part.

“He doesn’t deserve any emotion but indifference from any of us,” Brian tells him, getting up and going into Lily’s room.

JUSTIN

He might want to be indifferent, but he wasn’t. It was the first time I got to see that he didn’t escape unscathed either. All I was seeing was a father worried about his son. I got up and followed him when Alex didn’t move to go to him.

“Alex, take care of Ted, I’m fine,” Brian says, looking out Lily’s window.

“I guess he understands you need space. I can go,” I tell him.

“I don’t. It was just, hearing Ted talk about what he did as freeing, bothered me,” He tells me.

“It’s hard for me to understand. Daphne told me a lot of the cases she gets to sit in on that involve patients trying to commit suicide. They all say the same thing. It was a freedom from pain that they couldn’t get away from,” I tell him.

“It’s how I thought it would be, but couldn’t do it to find out,” He tells me.

“Should I get Alex?” I ask, feeling out of my depth.

“He knows. I stopped trying to act like I didn’t have problems. I think the first time I shocked Alex was when I showed up without an appointment and started talking without him having to pull it out of me,” He tells me.

“What made you decide to talk?” I ask.

“The same thing your friend Daphne lectured me on. I couldn’t take care of Gus if I didn’t take care of myself. He’s worth me having to say what I need to so I don’t screw up with him,” He tells me.

“Everything I’ve seen when it comes to Gus and you just shows me what I want for Lily,” I tell him.

“I only gave in to Lindsay because my ego thought it was a way to leave something behind to show I existed,” He tells me.

“Somewhere along the way your reasons must of changed. I doubt Lindsay could have used you as a threat to keep him quiet if you hadn’t already proved to Gus you were more than a sperm donor,” I tell him.

“I fell in love with him the minute they put him in my arms. I didn’t want him to ever think it was a game to me. It was how I think the man who was supposed to be my father viewed it. My child wasn’t going to ever feel what I felt from the man who raised me,” He tells me.

“I feel the same way about Lily. I really thought I would be doing it all alone, then you guys came into our lives. I want you to know that you gave us a family to share our lives with, by just walking up and helping me,” I tell him.

“You were handling it before I barged in. It was just hard for me to watch what seemed like a rerun of what Michael was doing to Ted,” He tells me.

“Ethan wishes he could manage what Michael seems to have with Ted. He just wasn’t as good as my father at it. I think the only thing that kept me from ever wanting to do what Ted did was because it would have made my father happy. I try to do anything to avoid making him happy,” I tell him.

“I never could make any sense out of why my father didn’t just leave us. The only thing I could come up with was he knew he would never have been all the things he said we kept him from being,” He tells me.

Daphne came in and handed me Lily, leaving after looking at both of us.

“My theory is not to do anything like my father, for Lily,” I tell him, taking her to change her diaper.

Brian came over, smiling down at Lily as she squirmed and kicked out her legs. He helped me get her changed then took her from me, as if needing to hold her when she cried to show her disapproval of being put back in her blanket.

“Don’t worry Lily, there’s an army to slay the dragon for you,” He whispers to her.

I knew at that moment that Brian was the father I planned to be to my child.

BRIAN

Alex stuck around when Justin offered to let everyone stay for lunch. Everyone was sitting around talking about where they came from, when Alex asked why Justin decided to go the route of the clinic.

“I decided after my mother and sister died. They were really the only family I had. I missed it,” He tells us.

“I almost donated once. I was sort of thinking the world could use a little more Emmett. I changed my mind though because I didn’t like the idea that I wouldn’t know who was having my baby. Although I could have used the money,” Emmett tells us.

“I did, but when I earned enough, I got my sample back. It was sort of sad when they still had it years later. I never knew it could stay as long as the woman I talked to told me it could,” Ted tells us.

“Daphne looked into it and we found out the samples could stay frozen for ten to twelve years. Lily’s other father could be middle aged,” Justin tells us.

“How did you decide? I looked, and other than physical characteristics, it’s like they were applying for a job,” Ted tells us.

“My bestie here started out with hundreds of candidates. At first he pretended to go all scientific, then when he finally picked one and told me how he decided, he had me worried about his maturity level,” Daphne tells us.

“It wasn’t that bad. I just got tired of reading what you could get off a driver’s license.” He tells everyone.

“I don’t know, it’s weird to think you could one day walk by your own child and not know,” Emmett tells us.

“In a lot of cases, your sample is sent to other clinics,” Alex tells him.

“Why?” Emmett asks.

“It keeps situations like that from happening. Not all samples are from the state where they're purchased,” Alex tells us.

“It took a day for them to get the one I chose. They had it at another clinic,” Justin tells us.

I walked into Lily’s room to check on Gus, who was napping with Lily. I never really thought about it when I donated after graduating, I assumed by now my sample would have been gone. It bothers me now, looking at Gus, because Lindsay knew I did it years ago. Hopefully she forgot, since I did it again when Gus was born. I thought about the fact that there could be another child out there I’ll never know. I remember convincing the guy at the desk to file it under a certain set of numbers as a joke. It only took meeting him in the bathroom to get him to do it. I walked back in when Gus was still sleeping soundly.

“That would have gotten me to choose it,” Emmett tells Justin.

“Promise me to never tell Lily,” Justin tells him.

“Like I said, he went from science to sex,” Daphne tells them, as they laugh with Justin.

“It was just a coincidence, nothing more,” Justin tells them.

Alex seemed to make a big production out of thanking Justin for letting him stay over. When we left to take him to the airport, it was the first time in a long time I wasn’t sorry to get rid of him.

“The only thing I see when I look at Justin is that he puts you guys at ease. It’s not something I see in you often,” Alex tells me.

“He’s as alone as we are,” Ted tells him.

“He doesn’t seem to let it bother him,” I tell Alex.

“It bothered him Brian, it’s why he had a child at a time in his life where most people are still out having fun, being irresponsible,” Alex tells me.

“We wouldn’t have wanted that kind of responsibility at his age,” Emmett agrees.

It was Monday when I remembered I wanted to see if my sample still existed. The guy at the desk had me fill out a few hundred forms, only to find out that my sample had been purchased by one person. I tried to find out who, only because my first thought was possibly Lindsay. It’s something she would do, if it got her somewhere. Unfortunately, the people who worked in this clinic were serious about privacy. A girl followed me out, lighting up.

“If it helps me get your number, it was bought here, not in Pennsylvania.” She flirts.

I didn’t even bother to stick around, since that answered the only thing I needed to know.

EMMETT

Teddy left his phone in the kitchen when he remembered he needed to work on something for Brian. I really just wanted to smash the thing, since it was really just Michael’s way of continuing to hurt Teddy. Alex talked to me outside before he left, he's such a sweetheart to worry about me.

“I'm starting to think it would be better to get rid of any way Michael could contact Teddy,” I told him.

“If it's not a phone, it will be some other method, until Ted decides to stop. In this case, Ted wanting to believe there was a reason he stayed with Michael is why he keeps in contact. He's starting to see he picked the wrong person to love. If it helps, he hasn't answered Michael since the last time you know about.” He told me.

“It still bothers me, that I didn’t see them for who they were,” I told him.

“Until Ted and Michael started dating, you didn’t pose a threat in Michael’s life. Afterwards, you became someone who could talk sense into Ted. Michael wanted you gone because he couldn't feel superior in his relationship, if Ted listened to you. Michael lived in Brian’s shadow for years, it probably drove him crazy that his sweet loving act couldn’t land the men Brian could. When he started seeing Ted, I really believe he liked telling people he had a successful boyfriend. To him, he saw it as a raise in his status when Ted could take them out to restaurants that Michael couldn’t afford unless Brian was footing the bill,” He told me.

“Why not go after Brian?” I asked.  

“Brian never wanted Michael as anything other than a friend. Michael knew enough to know Brian didn’t care about showing off the way he could get Ted to. Brian came from the same humble beginnings and watched his father spend on things they couldn't afford that were wasteful. Brian would have thought dropping a couple hundred on dinner wasn’t worth it to him,” He told me.

“We are talking about Mr Armani, right?” I ask.

“It's helps him in business. Notice his normal clothes aren’t the latest designer. Unless he was out clubbing, Brian didn’t splurge,” He told me.

“I have noticed Brian tends towards sweats and T shirts, when he's home. I did notice Michael’s style seemed to change when he was with Ted,” I told him.

“He was getting Ted to buy him the things Brian wore. Michael will never figure out that he wasn't going to overshadow Brian's popularity. It's why, when Ted told him he had to give up Brian, Michael didn’t bat an eyelash over it. He wanted out of a world where he was just the guy Brian hung out with,” He told me.

“I always thought he wanted Brian,” I told him.

“Michael is classic case of wanting to be the big guy on campus. He probably believed using Brian's popularity would give him that, when years went by and no one shone a spotlight on him, Brian stopped being useful,” He told me.

“I can see it now, but how did it miss it for so long?” I asked.

“Emmett, you've always seen the good in people, and tried to find reasons for the bad. It's why you sometimes get it wrong,” He told me.

“I've had a hard time making friends, because I worry that I might invite another Deb or Michael into our lives,” I told him.

“Or you find people like Shelly, Justin, or Lily by knowing that the world isn't full of Michael's or Debra’s. There is nothing wrong with your judgment, just that there are always people out there that can fool you for a while. You just have to not brush away why something they did bothered you,” He told me.

“Why do you call her Debra?” I asked.

“Because Deb or Debbie are names that Brian and Ted associate with a woman they thought cared about them. I use Debra for two reasons, one because it changes the perception in their minds about who we’re talking about, and two because I refuse to use a name she would agree with,” He told me.

“So no smashing the phone or answering it to tell Michael my real feelings?” I joke.

“All you would do was give Michael the attention he likes. In his head he ruined your life by taking away Ted. You could say what you want to Michael, but in the end he would only think you were still jealous of him. I would love to give Michael my opinion, but it’s like talking to a wall; it doesn’t hear you,” He told me.

I stared at the phone when the texts started coming in from both Michael and Debra. I realized answering them wouldn’t cure Ted. I turned it off after deleting all the texts. I read a few before I got to one that made me think about the hell the sender's life was.

“Ever think that wiping your ass would make you indebted to her?” I sent Vic.

VIC

I read the message a few times, I sent Ted a message saying he needed to see my nephew for who he really was. I watched Deb and Michael get angry when they couldn’t get Ted to answer. I knew they would keep at him unless he made it so they couldn’t contact him anymore. I feel like a failure to the boys who used to come to me for an ear to bend. I read the text again and wondered how I never thought about the way Deb constantly brings that up. I got up and walked out the door as the two sat in the kitchen bitching about how Brian is probably using Ted for the money to start his business. Deb comes running out the door with my jacket and hat, dressing me like I’m still a child.

“I didn’t get you healthy to have you back in the hospital. Do me a favor, by not doing stupid things that could get you sick,” She tells me, patting my cheek.

“Do Ted a favor and tell Michael to leave him alone,” I tell her, before I could stop myself.

“We are trying to make sure Ted doesn’t end up worse because of the asshole. Brian might have fooled the judges, social workers, and most likely paid off enough people to get his way, but we won’t let Ted end up dead because Brian was too busy having an orgy,” She lectures me.

I walked away, pissed that she could talk about Brian as if he meant nothing to her.

VIC

I walked in the front door and didn’t bother to go near the kitchen. When the girls come over it usually means they’re plotting again. I went straight up the stairs and looked at the place I called home. It’s like a house of pain and suffering, since everything that happened with Gus and Ted. I watched the nephew I once loved like a son become a person I didn’t recognize. I kept thinking about what was sent to my phone. Does Deb taking care of me when I was sick mean I have to live my life for her? What life? It’s not like I’ve had a life of my own. My life became what Deb wanted it to be. Was I still seeing the sister who needed me, or do I start seeing the sister who treats the care she gave me as me owing her? It was a lot of questions, and the answers didn’t leave me seeing my family in a very good light. I dialed a number I shouldn’t, because I didn’t fight for them, but sat quietly by, while my blood turned on them.

“Vic?” Brian answered.

“I want to say I’m sorry for not being the person you could come to,” I tell him.

“Being disappointed in the people I cared about was never new for me,” He tells me, in the careless voice he always used.

“I never wanted to be one of the people who disappointed you,” I tell him.

“You didn’t, you stayed out of the slaughter,” He tells me.

“I didn’t help either,” I tell him.

“You were one of the abused,” He tells me, hanging up.

I packed a bag, deciding it was time to escape my abusers. Rodney told me his door was always open. Hopefully one day my boys would open a door for me too, one day soon.

BRIAN

I sat at my desk, not understanding why Vic finally called. The silence was worse than the words yelled about me. I looked in on Gus sleeping, feeling restless. Emmett came out of his room looking at me.

“Brian, if he wakes up, I’ll call. He’s been doing well lately,” He tells me.

It took twenty minutes, but I left the house thinking of just getting a drink. Somehow I ended up standing in front of Justin’s house. I sat on his steps, trying to figure out what made me come here. The light came on and Justin came out, sitting next to me.

“Everything okay?” He asks.

“Gus is sleeping. I got so used to staying up to help him. Why are you up?” I ask.

“I paint at night a lot. Less people around,” He tells me.

“I’ll let you get back to it,” I tell him, standing up.

“You can come sit around and talk to me. You look like you could use someone to talk to,” He tells me.

I followed him to his studio, not really intending to say anything. “How did you deal with your father?” I ask.

“I walked away. It’s what he really wanted, a world where I no longer shamed him. He wasn’t an asshole until I came out, so I only remember when he was a father. I buried him with my mother and sister,” He tells me, as if he didn’t care.

“I had someone once, who I saw as a father,” I tell him, as he mixes paints.

“What happened to him?” He asks.

“He’s lives with Michael and Debra. It’s Debra’s brother,” I tell him.

“Vic?” He asks.

“Emmett mentioned him?” I ask.

“He mentioned how Debra talked about him. If I was Vic I would have walked away, not stayed, being indentured to them,” He tells me.

“We all wanted a family that cared, none of us had one of those,” I tell him.

“Have you ever thought about finding out who your real father was?” He asks.

“Once in awhile; but he didn’t sign up to be a father,” I tell him.

“You could find out he’s worse, is that really the problem?” He asks.

“What are you going to do when Lily asks those questions?” I ask, changing the subject.

“Tell her she’s the result of a man who allowed me to be a father. It’s not like they tell you where to find the donor,” He tells me.

“It bothers me now, after what happened with Lindsay and Mel,” I tell him. “I once used it to make some money, in college,” I tell him when he looked confused. “I went to the local clinic, to find out what happened to my sample, only to be told my donation was purchased. I could have a child here older than Gus,” I tell him.

“You can register, so that if the child wants to know, the clinic can provide the information. I chose not to, but if one day Lily really wants to know, then we can do it,” He tells me.

“How did you chose, it seemed to have everyone laughing?” I ask him.

“Just promise you won’t think less of me for being juvenile,” He tells me.

“I don’t make promises I might not be able to keep,” I tell him.

“I tried to look at it from what traits do I wanted my child to have. Only, after a while they all started looking the same. A number, then traits, I started messing with the numbers out of boredom.” He tells me.

“What did the numbers tell you?” I ask.

“That the father of my child is nine inches, or at least that’s what the numbers spelled out,” He laughs.

“That’s different. I better go,” I tell him, distracted. That certainly explains the connection I felt for her. “I’ll check on Lily on the way out,” I tell him.

“Get some sleep,” He tells me, as he continues painting.

I walked in and looked down at Lily’s face. She had a lot of Justin in her. I’ll keep watching to see what she got from me. She kept kicking away the blankets, like she didn’t like being restrained. I pulled them around her again.

“You are going to only ever know a world full of love,” I whisper to her.

“It’s my plan,” Justin tells me at the door. “You left your phone in my studio,” He tells me, handing it to me.

“Thank you,” I tell him, for more than he knows. “I better get back, maybe it’s time for you and Lily to come see our house,” I tell him.

“Daphne and I have plans tomorrow, but after that, it’s fine,” He tells me.

“I can stay home and watch Lily for you. Gus would love to spend time with her,” I tell him, wanting to spend time with her myself.

“You don’t have to do that, we were only going to have lunch at her favorite sushi place,” He tells me.

“It would be easier on both of you to have fun, it helped me this last week. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t depend on me to take care of Lily,” I tell him, picking her up when she whimpered.

“You’re a great father, hopefully I’ll be just as good one day. If you really don’t mind, I could drop her off before we go,” He tells me.

“Gus and I would love to spend time with our princess,” I tell her, kissing her before handing her to Justin.

I got home and went to see Gus, who Emmett let me know didn’t even know I was gone. I laid next to Gus, falling asleep trying to figure out how to tell Justin.

When Justin showed up with more than I probably needed for Lily, it took Emmett and I fifteen minutes to convince him she’d be fine for the two hours he was gone. Emmett went to pick her up, but I took her before he could. I wanted time with my children.

“Brian, I don’t mind helping. I spent the last week with her,” Emmett tells me.

“I plan to spend as much time with her as I can,” I tell him, without thinking about what I said.

“Are we adopting her too?” He jokes.

It was something I needed to look into, how it would work with a case like this. I let it go when Gus ran into the room with a teddy bear under his arm.

“Lily’s here?” He asks.

“Justin is letting us watch her while he goes out with Daphne,” I tell him.

We spread out a blanket over some pillows on the floor for Lily. Gus put on his favorite cartoon as I studied his sister. Emmett kept wandering around us offering to help.

“I thought you were going to work today?” Emmett tells me, trying to get Lily.

“I can finish it later. Why are you hanging out here?” I ask him.

“I sort of texted Vic last night. I don’t know why,” He tells me.

“He called, saying he was sorry for not helping. I wasn’t exactly welcoming,” I tell him.

“It’s hard to overlook that he ignored everything,” He tells me, running a finger down Lily’s cheek.

“He had to live with them,” I tell him. “Where is Ted?” I ask, not really wanting to talk about Vic when Lily was here.

“He and Shelly went shopping for a new phone,” He tells me.

“Why would they need to get a new one, when you can just change the number?” I ask.

“It’s really strange, but I was bringing it to Ted this morning and it fell in the toilet. I swear, I’m all butterfingers,” He tells me.

“Alex wants Ted to be the one who stops, and not because we’re forcing him to,” I tell him.

“I had every intention of leaving it alone, it was just, thirty texts was too much to me. Sort of broke up the phone then tried to flush it. Ted can get the same number but maybe he won’t want old bullshit messing it up,” He tells me.

“You think that’s a good idea, Lily? Not letting the old bull in our new lives?” I ask her.

“I promised her, only good things,” Gus whispered to me.

“I’ll help you keep your promise,” I tell Gus.

JUSTIN

Daphne wouldn’t let up about my new friends. Actually it was more that I made friends with people. She always tells people she doesn't analyze me, but we both know better.

“It's not something you do, trust people you just met,” She tells me.

“It's different with them. They could have just ignored me at the park when Ethan came up to me, and they could have dropped me off at the hospital and gone on with their lives when I went into labor, but they didn't. Instead they stayed and helped, for no other reason than to help. Just from what little I know about them, anyone would have thought they'd be wary of getting involved with other people,” I tell her.

“I'm sure that Brian being outrageously gorgeous helps,” She laughs.

“Is it going to sound weird that it would normally be a reason for me to stay away from him? What I see when I look at him is a father wanting to give Gus a life better than the one he had. At first he seemed like he had it all together, but even he said he got help for himself because of Gus,” I tell her.

“Whatever happened in Pittsburgh left scars on all of them. Those people did a number on all of them, not just Ted and Gus. It's hard to imagine going to all the trouble of having a child then ignoring him when they got bored. They could have given Gus to Brian and gone on with their lives, but they didn't,” She tells me.

“It sounds like they liked the money they got from Brian. Shelly described what we saw from people our parents knew, they had kids because of expectations, but only wanted the kid there to say they did it,” I tell her.

“Yet they involved Brian. From what I've seen of him, he'd be the last person I would pick if I planned to ignore my kid. They had to know he would fight for his kid,” She tells me.

“Who knows what those women thought. I doubt they were thinking of more than themselves,” I tell her.

“I never like to judge people, but it's hard not to. What kind of person does the shit like Ted’s ex and his mother did? If Michael didn’t give a shit, why fight to keep Ted around? What's with the mother? She made them think she cared. That's really a twisted thing to do to someone, when they already came from families that didn’t care.” She tells me.

“It probably gave her someone else to treat the way she treated her brother. Brian mentioned him, it sounded like he at least treated the guys like a father would.” I tell her.

“Where was he in this mess?” She asks.

“I think he didn’t know how to support them. He lived with his sister,” I tell her.

“I could see that, how do you go against the woman who claims she's the reason you’re still alive? She had him believing she was Mother Teresa. Made sure he worshipped at her altar. He's probably got her all over him, since her following exited the building,” She tells me.

VIC

Rodney shook his head as Deb showed up at his door once again. I'd only been gone for two days, but she was hellbent on getting me home. Today she was outside the door with everything I owned, tossed in garbage bags. Screaming through the door at me, that if I wanted to treat her this way, then my shit needed to be out of her home.

“What do you want me to do?” He asks.

“I need to handle my life for once. She got away with the way she is because I let her,” I tell him.

He opened the door, only to have Deb pushing him aside to get to me. I could tell she was working up to a speech that involved me being ungrateful and her being self-sacrificing all my life. I didn’t have it in me to listen to her anymore.

“You delivered your message. Anything else will just make me wonder why I thought you were the person you want everyone to think you are,” I tell her, blocking her from getting any further into the house.

“I cleaned your ass and took care of you,” She tells me.

“I think we can agree you wiped my ass, you make sure everyone knows it. It's the way you take care of people that I question. I doubt, other than Michael, anyone would agree you took care of anything but him.” I tell her.

“So now you’re siding with them?” She screeches.

“It's something I should have done when you and Michael tried to help Ted finish what Brian stopped. I should have supported Emmett when you treated him like he was jealous of your son. I should have stood by Brian when you all made him sound one step up from Jack Fucking Kinney, the man who beat his son and almost killed his grandson. I can't even stand being in the same room with you and Michael, after you sat in court and lied to everyone about Brian,” I tell her.

“I told the truth, Brian doesn’t give a shit about anything but himself. He got Michael to do shit Michael wouldn’t have done if it wasn’t for Brian!” She yells.

“Excuse me?” Rodney asks.

“What?!” Deb yells at him, for daring to say anything in her presence.

“First, let me explain; you're in my home, which means my rules, not yours. Second, yelling doesn’t make what you want to be true, true, because you raised your volume. Now if you expect us to sit here while you badger Vic, it won’t happen. Like Vic said, message received. He's moving on without you in his life telling him you're the only reason he's alive, not the doctors or nurses who treated him, and dare I say, divine intervention, because you outrank everyone. I don't see what coming here is accomplishing, other than reminding Vic and me why he finally got away from you,” He tells her.

“I spent my whole life supporting Vic when our family kicked him out,” She tells him.

“It sounds like he did the same for you when you got pregnant with Michael. Only he doesn't rub everything he did in your face, the way you do to anyone who crosses the threshold of your door,” He tells her.

“I tried to help Ted. It's obvious he had problems Michael didn’t know about,” She tells me, lowering her voice.

“Michael was half of Ted’s problems. Why can't you see how your son treated the man he was supposed to love? You don't love someone by putting them down, or finding ways to show them you could do better, when in truth, you were lucky they wanted you.” I tell her.

“Michael didn’t do anything like that.” She tells me.

“He learned it from you. And what do you call him telling Ted that he fucked another guy on the day Ted tried to kill himself?” I ask. “No answer? I'll call it like I see it, ‘the Debra Novotny school of training’. You taught Michael your brand of caring so well that he graduated and superceded you. I'm going to ask that you leave me alone, but if you can't, I'm going to learn from Brian. Let's not turn the name you gave yourself into a reason for a dead man to be ashamed of dying a war hero,” I tell her.

“Fuck you, little brother,” Was all she could say before slamming out the door, kicking the bags she brought.

“Vic, you have to let that life go. We have a future to live,” Rodney tells me, wrapping his arms around me.

BRIAN

Justin and Daphne showed up, laughing as they came in. Gus was watching the way they interacted with each other. To him, it was different than how Lindsay and I did. He only remembered the fights that came after he was taken away from the girls. He was seeing a healthy friendship between Justin and Daphne. It's something the rest of us were working toward, but not quite there yet. I needed Daphne to show him that a mother figure wasn't something to fear, with Shelly, he sees a grandmother, like my mother, which is different, according to Alex.

“How did our baby girl do?” Daphne asked him.

“She couldn’t tell me,” Gus tells her.

“Of course she can, it's just takes seeing that when she cries, it's because she needs things. When she coos it's because she likes what you're doing,” She tells him.

“She cooed,” Gus tells her, excited.

“Then your doing a great job, big brother,” She tells him.

“Did you hear that Jussin, I'm doing good,” Gus tells him, proudly.

“You promised me you would, so I knew you would,” Justin tells him, picking up Lily.

“I need to talk to you, alone,” I tell him. “Daphne can you watch Gus?” I ask her.

“I would love to watch Gus, if it's okay with him,” She tells him.

Gus took her with him to show her his teddy bear. I took Justin to my office. I didn’t know how to start this conversation.

“6463462437.” I said.

“What?” He asks.

“Do those numbers mean anything to you?” I ask.

It took a few minutes before he snickered. “Did you spend time trying to figure it out?” He asks.

“I knew it when I had my numbers assigned for my donation,” I tell him.

“You think Lily’s yours?” He asks.

“I checked with a branch of the same fertility clinic, they couldn’t tell me anything but that someone bought the whole sample already. A girl who was trying to get my number told me it was bought and sent here, and not in Pennsylvania. You sort of told me the rest last night. I want you to know, I didn’t look into because I thought Lily was mine, but because I remembered that Lindsay knew I did it,” I tell him.

“That wouldn’t have been good,” He tells me.

“I was just being paranoid, but with Lindsay and Mel, it pays to think worst case,” I tell him.

“What do you want?” He asked me.

“I want the chance to know my daughter; to be a part of her family. I want her to meet my mother and nephews. I don’t want to be just a number on a file for her,” I tell him.

“You want everything, including rights?” He asks me.

“You hold all the cards in this. If you need me to help financially I don’t care,” I tell him.

“I didn’t have a child to gain from it. You can keep your money. All I expect is that you never let my… our daughter, down,” He tells me.

“Justin, I want to support my daughter,” I argue.

“Buy the diapers or formula, but I don’t need a check the way you seem to think. I might not be rich, but I’m not desperate enough to use my daughter the way Lindsay used Gus. I won’t be that kind of parent,” He argues back.

“I thought they were taking care of him. Lindsay knew I wanted him to have everything I didn’t have. Clean clothes, love, and a house where he felt safe,” I tell him.

“Something you didn’t have? Brian, did you ever think Lindsay knew it was your trigger?” He asks me.

“What?” I ask.

“If your friendship with her was like mine with Daphne, then I’m sure you talked about things. She knew things that would make you go to any lengths for Gus. Only instead of doing what someone who is your friend does; take care of the most precious thing in your life, she used it to get what she wanted. I don’t want our friendship to repeat history,” He tells me.

“I don’t know how to explain the woman who I thought was my closest friend,” I tell him.

“Some people defy explanation,” He tells me.

“It didn’t help that her wife seemed to like the idea of bleeding me dry. Mel hated that I even existed to Lindsay. She went out of her way to make sure everyone heard her opinion of my lifestyle choices. She made sure my son heard it too,” I tell him.

“You show Gus everyday that Mel is a lying bitch, by being there when he needs you. Like I said to you, you’re the kind of father I want to be for Lily, and apparently, the kind of father she already has,” He tells me.

“I need it so that she knows I am. It’s not that I don’t believe you, but I want it so my daughter is never taken away from me,” I ask, trying not to plead with him.

“We’d have to look into how you would do that. I’m sure Lily would like it that there’s another father listed, not a blank space, when she see her birth certificate someday,” He tells me.

“You’ll be okay with telling my family?” I ask.

“So far, I like the family you're making, hopefully I’ll like the new ones you bring into Lily’s life,” He tells me.

“I didn’t expect you to react this well to it,” I tell him, relieved.

“With what you’ve been through, I’m sure you didn’t. Let’s go play with our daughter,” He tells me.

JOAN

Brian called to tell me he wanted me to consider moving closer to him. When he decided to leave with Gus, I stayed here because I wanted to give him space. I also wanted to see what his real father would think about having a son. It took a while for me to get up the courage to talk to Brian’s father, but I decided today was the day. I went to the station where he worked, asking if I could see him. I saw Deb there and decided I could wait to talk to the man. I couldn’t be around Deb without wanting to tell her how I really felt about her. I was almost to the door when Brian’s father came out and was talking to Deb about meeting for dinner. I decided that Brian didn’t need to meet his father, if he was stupid enough to be involved with her. I stayed with a man who abused my family, so I really had no room to judge anyone else’s stupidity. Of course Deb wouldn’t leave it alone when she saw me.

“Joan, are you here to visit with your family? All of them have been here or are headed here,” She tells Carl and most of the police station.

“Joan. It’s been a while,” Carl tells me, leaving Deb standing there glaring at us.

“I made a mistake coming here,” I tell him, heading out the door.

He followed me, ignoring Deb telling him to put my drunk ass in a cab. “Sorry about Deb. Did you need something?” He asks.

“No. I wasn’t really thinking. I learned to ignore anything that comes out of Deb’s mouth,” I tell him.

“She means well… Sorry, she’s upset because Vic took off on her, and is apparently taking it out on you. Okay, she’s a pain in the ass,” He tells me, when he can see I’m not buying any of it.

“Yet, you're dating her. Not that it’s my business,” I tell him, walking again.

“I was trying to find a nice way to break it to her that I didn’t see us working out,” He tells me.

“Good luck with that, she only hears herself and what she wants,” I tell him.

“Joan, why are you here?” He asks me.

“I wasn’t thinking, and I really should talk to Brian about it first,” I tell him, hailing a cab.

“Is that your son?” He asks me, before I could get in.

I could have just said yes and let him live in ignorance, but Deb chose that moment to walk over. I really wanted to piss her off, and I figured, what better way to tell everyone the truth for once.

“He's not just my son. Brian is OUR son,” I tell him, getting in and closing the door.

I realized it might be a good idea to visit Brian before it all hit the fan. Hopefully Carl will give Brian a chance if Brian wants it.

BRIAN

Justin told me he wanted to tell Daphne alone. I wanted him and I to tell Gus together. Emmett looked at both of us trying to figure out what was going on. Daphne managed to distract Emmett while Justin and I took Gus to my office.

“Can I spin?” Gus asks, hopping in my chair.

“Justin and I need to talk to you first,” I tell him.

“Why?” He asks.

“We need to tell you about Lily,” Justin tells him.

“Why?” He asks turning the chair.

“She is going to be a part of our family,” I tell him.

“I know,” He tells me, moving in a circle.

“Remember how I got you?” I ask him.

“The judge said yes,” He tells me.

“That’s part of it, but I mean the part where I gave Lindsay a way to have you. I did the same for Justin,” I hurry to get him past Lindsay.

“I don’t understand,” He tells me.

“I’m Lily’s other father, which means Lily is really your sister,” I tell him.

He spins a few more times before stopping and kissing Lily. “Does that mean she gets ta stay wiff us?” He asks.

“When she isn’t with Justin,” I tell him.

“Jussin can stay wiff us too,” He declares.

“I have my own house, but you’ll see Lily all the time,” Justin tells him.

My phone beeped and I ignored it until it went off again. “I need to see what Grandma wants,” I tell Gus.

“I wanna talk,” Gus tells me.

“Hey Mom,” I manage to get out, before she starts telling me about her day.

“Brian, I need to tell you about your father, the real one. I was angry and didn’t think that you should really be the one who makes the choice. I know it was only because I wanted to see Deb squirm, that I told your father in front of her. I only went to talk to him, not tell him,” She tells me.

“Why was Deb around… him?” I ask, not ready to call anyone my father.

“It looked like they were seeing each other, he said he was planning on telling her they aren’t going to work out. I can’t help but question the kind of man who would date that woman,” She tells me.

“What’s his name?” I ask.

“Carl Horvath. He was one of the cops that came around when people would call about what was going on in our house,” She tells me.

“That’s how you met him?” I ask.

“He came to see me a few times after. I told him he needed to leave me alone when I found out I was pregnant. He wanted me to leave Jack but I refused. I didn’t trust that I would be any better off with Carl than in a situation I already knew,” She tells me.

“Mom, it’s the past,” I tell her when she starts crying.

“I know, but now he knows, and I didn’t even think about if you wanted him to,” She tells me.

“I don’t know yet. Why not go see Alex, you said he’s helping you,” I tell her.

“I was going to see if you would mind Peter, John, and I visiting,” She asks me.

“I already asked if you would come, but now I have someone for you to meet. Your granddaughter,” I tell her.

“What... When? Good Lord you always have to shock me,” She laughs.

I hung up after Gus talked to her, explaining about his sister to my mom. When we entered the living room and Ted was back with Shelly, I really didn’t want to keep going through this, so I made it simple.

“Nine Inches was the number I got someone to put on my donation,” I tell them.

My mother was right, I was always good at shocking people.

“I wasn’t planning on giving Daphne a heart attack,” Justin tells me, pushing Lily into my arms and dragging a fishmouth Daphne to the office.

“Some people just can’t appreciate Daddy’s way of cutting through the bull, princess,” I tell her, as she coos.

CARL

It was hard to think with Deb screeching that all the Kinney’s are liars and users. How she got that it was their fault that Vic moved out, her son’s boyfriend left him, and the girls lost their son, was a bit unbalanced. Then I told her that I needed to cancel dinner, and that was also the Kinney’s fault. It was time to just tell her that I didn’t see a future with her. We’d only been dating a few weeks, but she seemed to spend every date bitching about people I’ve never met.

“I was planning on telling you at dinner that I don’t really see any reason to keep dating. You have a lot of problems in your life and I’m not looking for a relationship that involves your son and the girls that seem to always show up at your house,” I tell her.

“Carl, she’s a drunk who got her husband thrown in jail. She’s probably hoping you’ll take care of her now that she no longer has Jack to,” She tells me.

“It’s not about Joan. I already planned to tell you this before she told me I had a son,” I tell her.

“Do yourself a favor and don’t get involved with her or that asshole,” She tells me.

“How do you know my son?” I ask.

“He stayed at my house when Joan and Jack beat his ass. I took care of your son while Joan stayed drunk and didn’t care. My son and I were the only people who gave a shit about Brian. The woman you plan to break up with is the only mother he knew,” She tells me.

“When Brian came to you after being beaten, why didn’t you call the cops?” I ask, dying that Jack went on to hurt a child, my child.

“I patched him up and told him to stop provoking Jack,” She says, as if blaming Brian was the right thing to do.

“What kind of mother do you think that makes you?” I ask, appalled.

“Better than the drunk bitch he had,” She tells me.

“Not in my eyes. All I see was that Brian didn’t seem to have anyone, if you were the best of the three,” I tell her.

“I'm telling you right now, you bother with that asshole and we're through,” She warns me.

“Since I already decided we were through, it's not a hard decision for me,” I tell her, leaving her standing on the sidewalk.

I should have listened when the guys told me about Deb. I met her when I stopped in for coffee at the diner, not knowing what I found out after she showed up at the station last week. When the desk sergeant saw her, he asked if I knew who I was seeing. I ended up with my partner explaining how my… son was having to call on Deb’s son when he was harassing... Brian Kinney. I remember some of it, but with all the people being brought in and out, unless it was my case I didn't pay attention to it. I just didn’t need someone who caused problems with my precinct, being someone I dated. She didn’t help herself when I was already tired of hearing her complain on every date.

I needed to find out if Joan was telling me the truth. I looked up her address, sad to see it was the same one I visited the first time we met. I heard Jack finally made it to prison, but never asked about it. It still hurt after all these years that she wouldn't leave that bastard, when I tried to convince her. It makes me angry that my child lived in a house with a man who had no problem punching his wife because dinner wasn’t perfect. Walking away was the only way I didn't show up and end Jack Kinney’s miserable life, but it turns out that I walked away from my child too.

I did something I'd sworn I'd never do, I pulled up Brian’s name. If Jack was true to form, Brian was in here somewhere. On hour later, I found it hard to not want to march over and ask Deb if a good mother lies. Even if Joan was wrong and Brian wasn’t mine, no child deserved what I read happened to Brian.

BRIAN

I sat up all night trying to find some order in my world. Justin can argue all he wants, but Lily will have as much as I can give her. I looked up insurance policies, because I needed to change my entire estate. Ted came in eating a sandwich and sat down in front of me. It was the first time he didn’t have anyone forcing him to eat something and I knew to just let it go. Justin made Ted comfortable within himself by not letting Ted’s past be more than Ted’s past. It was harder for me because I was there when Ted did what he did, and I was the one he hated for a long time. Our relationship is changing, but only because Ted is starting to see that what he and Michael had wasn’t love.

“What are you doing up?” I asked, while I looked through Gus’s paperwork for the policy I had for him.

“I was going to ask you the same thing, although you seem to have a lot going on in your life,” He shrugs.

“I want to make sure Lily gets the same things I’ve done for Gus. I need to change the policy again, but I also need to be on Lily’s birth certificate. I never want her to doubt who her father is,” I tell him.

“You didn’t know Jack wasn’t your father,” Ted tells me.

“I don’t know how I feel about having a father now,” I tell him.

“Did you find out who it was?” He asks.

He asked, but I could tell he didn’t expect me to answer him. It was my normal mode when it came to sharing anything about myself with people in my life. It’s just, somewhere along the way, Ted and Emmett became the best friends that Michael had constantly reminded me he was. It’s not like we talked about it or acknowledge the change, but you don’t live through the things we did and not form a closer bond. That’s Alex’s take on it anyway. I learned that if I wanted Ted and Emmett to see me as more than what everyone else does, I had to stop hiding everything from them.

“He’s a cop who came over when the neighbors got tired of listening to what was going on. He tried to get my mom to leave Jack. She told him to leave and he did,” I tell him.

“It’s battered spouse syndrome; you can’t be sure if leaving wouldn’t just put you in a situation worse than the one where you at least know what to expect,” He tells me.

“Is that why you stayed?” I ask.

“At first, I think it was that we always found reasons for Michael’s behavior. When he would say something shitty, I was still telling myself it was Michael, who sometimes says things he didn’t mean. After a while I pushed away the person who always gave me a knock on the head when I let my self-esteem hit the floor. I was only hearing the man who would say he loved me, tell me that all the things that bothered me about me, bothered him. I couldn’t stop myself from believing him. It felt like I was letting him down by not being all the things he wanted,” He tells me.

“We need to be ready for this to cause problems, if the man wants anything to do with me,” I tell him.

“Why?” He asks.

“Mom said he is seeing Deb, or was. If he is seeing Deb, I don’t see any reason to get to know him,” I tell him.

“Need help?” He ask, pointing to the papers on my desk.

“Do you think Mel and Lindsay still have the policy on me for Gus?” I ask.

“Are you still paying for it?” He asks.

“No. I stopped the payments when I got custody of Gus. I didn’t like the way I paid and somehow Mel ends up the guardian on the policy,” I tell him.

“How about I deal with this for you, and I can ask Cynthia to look into the birth certificate. It’s time for me to stop playing part time partner in Kinnetik,” He tells me.

I waited until Gus got up to dress him and take him with me to get some things for Lily. Justin has this stubborn streak that I wasn’t used to. It’s not like I expect to throw money at him, but she’s mine too. Emmett was dressed like he had to be somewhere this morning. I ignored the questions, but it seemed Emmett was waiting to get me alone.

“Where are you off to this morning?” Emmett asked me.

“I wanted to pick up some things,” I tell him.

“I was going to go shopping myself,” He tells me, like I didn’t know the grilling was only waiting for when I was alone.

“What do you want to know? It will save me having you chase me everywhere,”  I tell him.

“Nothing. I just think that our family is growing, in a good way. It’s time to celebrate the newest editions. Possibly talk about why you seemed to get a bit territorial over Justin when Alex was talking to him,” Emmett says, chasing me out the door.

“I wasn’t being territorial. Justin just had Lily and doesn’t need men bothering him,” I tell Emmett.

“It was okay when it was Ted or me, but not Alex?” He asks.

“You're not interested in Justin, and Ted is still scared of relationships,” I tell him.

“I think Justin is adorable, but not really my type. If Ted really looked at Justin, then maybe Michael would be history,” He tells me.

“Ted needs to find someone else,” I tell him.

“I think Justin could really do wonders for Ted. You heard Ted, Justin made him see things differently,” He should really shut up.

“Ted can find someone else to understand him,” I growl.

“In other words, you don’t like the idea of Justin with anyone? How are you planning to stop him once he starts going out again?” He needles me.

“Daddy, Jussin and Lily ours?” Gus asks.

“Yes Gussy, I think that’s what your daddy’s trying to say,” Emmett tells him.

“I barely know him, and he isn’t interested in anything but being Lily’s father right now,” I tell him.

“If he was interested, would you really be ready to settle down?” Emmett asks. “I know some changes have happened out of necessity, but when you can do things now and again, do you see it with only one person?” He asks.

“I don’t know. I never saw settling down in my future, but my life isn’t the same anymore,” I tell him.

“So, don’t kill Ted, but he told me about the Deb and your father thing. Have you given that any thought?” He asks.

“I really don’t know what I think about it. I’ve managed this long without one, why bother,” I tell him.

“To see that all father’s aren’t the kind we had. Find out if you have other siblings, possibly a family that would welcome you. I would want that if I had the chance. We’ve all been thrown away, by not just one family, but by our second one, maybe the third time's the charm,” He tells me.

I spent the time we were out thinking about the possibility I could have other siblings that might not hate my guts. Gus could have more people to love him and show him what it’s like. I was still thinking about it when we arrived at Justin’s with my car full of diapers and formula.

“Brian, you know when I said buy diapers or formula, I didn’t mean to buy it for her entire childhood,” He says, watching Emmett and I dragging in what I bought.

“Daddy says Lily and me won’t ever want for anything,” Gus tells on me.

“Brian, can we talk?” Justin asked.

“I’ll stay with our baby, you go talk,” Emmett tells me.

I followed Justin into his studio and noticed a painting he had started of Gus coloring on the floor.

“I want that when it’s finished,” I tell him.

“It was yours when I started it. We need to talk about the shopping,” He tells me.

“I spent my life never knowing if I would have the things I needed, and some days not knowing if there would dinner on the table, because Jack drank all the money away. It makes it hard for me to think my kids could go without things, and what happened with Gus made it harder. I need you to let me do what I can for Lily,” I tell him, to make him understand.

“Okay. I can understand that. It’s just, right now I have enough newborn diapers that Lily might outgrow them,” He laughs.

“Then donate them to the shelter. You are going to be wrong, there are never enough diapers,” I tell him.

“If I’m wrong you can crow all you want,” He tells me, not seeming to care if he was wrong.

“Can I talk to you about my real father?” I ask, not really knowing why I want to know what he thinks.

“If you want to,” He tells me.

“I don’t know why I don’t want to meet him. My mother told me he was seeing Deb and that’s a strike against him in my book,” I tell him.

“I dated Ethan, sometimes you date people and figure out they weren’t worth your time,” He tells me.

“He was cheating with my mother,” I tell him.

“From your description of the man she married, your real father might have made her want to see if all men were like the man she married. Maybe your real father’s kindness was hard for her to resist,” Justin tells me.

“What if I have other siblings?” I ask him.

“That’s a lot of what if’s you won’t be able to answer if you don’t give him a chance,” Justin tells me.

“If I see him and somehow want him in my life, he’ll be in Gus and Lily’s lives too,” He tells me.

“Do you want me to go with you, or maybe Ted or Emmett?” He asks.

“Would you?” I ask.

“If you wanted me too, of course. You helped me when I needed it,” He tells me.

“I didn’t do it so you would feel like you owed it to me,” I tell him, hating the way Deb and Michael made me feel like that.

“I don’t. I care about my friends and think when they need someone to lean on, as a friend, you do that,” He tells me.

“It’s something I want to do on my own, but I didn’t want to bring another person in Lily’s life without you knowing about it,” I tell him.

“Thank you for considering me in those decisions,” He tells me, kissing my cheek and walking out.

I went to the painting and loved the way Gus looked like he didn’t have a care in the world.

CARL

I needed Joan to explain to me why she never told me. I would have gotten Brian out of the hell she raised him in. I could have given him a home where he would have never known Jack’s fists. These were the only thoughts in my head since reading everything up until he was no longer living in that home.

I was just about to leave when I saw Deb's brother and another man standing out front, filling out forms. Vic and I met once, but he didn't stick around to talk.

“Everything okay?” I ask.

“Just family problems,” Vic tells me.

“Vic, this family is going to drive us crazy,” the other man tells him.

“Rodney this is Carl, Deb's boyfriend,” Vic interrupts him.

“Lovely. Sorry, but regardless of who you date, I'm not willing to have her constantly harassing us,” Rodney tells me.

“I broke it off,” I tell Vic.

“I'm not surprised, Deb’s good at making people run away from her,” He tells me.

“Like Brian Kinney?” I ask.

“Exactly, He left to save his son and the friends who stood by him,” Vic tells me. “You know Brian?” He asks.

“No, he's just been brought up a lot in the last couple of days,” I tell him, not ready to explain.

“I'm sure Deb just loved telling you her version of the bullshit Michael, the girls, and Deb consider his ‘crimes against the family’,” Vic says shaking his head.

“I got an earful of how everything was his fault,” I tell him.

“Brian did nothing but care about his son. It was us who treated him the way his father did; just without the fists,” He tells me.

“Vic, you didn’t do what they did,” Rodney tells him.

“But was sitting on the sidelines, doing nothing while they crucified him, any better?” He asks him.

“After you’re done here, could we talk?” I ask.

“About?” He seemed leery.

“My son. Brian,” I tell him.

“Did you…?” Vic was at a loss.

“I just found out, and I have a feeling with what he went through, he might not welcome me with open arms,” I tell him.

I helped them get the restraining order filed and we went to a bar together. Vic seemed reluctant to talk, but I needed to know something about my son.

“What makes you think Brian is yours?” Vic asks, after being silent.

“His mother told me, there was a time when she and I were together,” I tell him.

“Too bad she didn’t have the sense to get Brian away. Brian’s life wasn’t easy and it's like he could never get away from his abusers, not even when he left it behind. He found a new form in my family, and a person he thought was a friend,” He tells me.

“It’s something I see a lot of, victims leave, only to find the same situation,” I tell him.

“Joan was scared to leave what she knew, and Brian suffered for it. It’s no worse than what the others in Brian’s life did. What I didn’t do wasn’t any better,” He tells me.

“You seem to have a lot of guilt if you didn’t do anything,” I tell him.

“He needed people to stand up for him when the family tried to make him sound like he was a step down from Jack. They made him sound like he would toss everything aside to trick, drink, or party his night away. Brian might have done those things, but he never ignored his son or his friends if they needed him. In a way, Brian could be accused of caring too much, even when he acted like he didn’t care at all. He needed someone to say they believed in him, and I didn’t,” He tells me.

“Vic, you had your own problems with Deb,” Rodney assures him.

“Nothing like Brian had with all of them. I let my sister convince me I needed her, when I should have been able to stand on my own two feet. I should have been willing to help, but all I did was stay away when Brian, Ted, and Emmett needed someone to stand up for them,” He tells us.

“Why was Brian fighting with them?” I ask, to get him off the soap box.

“His friend Ted tried to kill himself when my nephew dated him. Brian was the one who found Ted and got him treated. He stopped the bleeding and managed to keep Ted from dying, Michael stood and watched, not really caring what happened to Ted. When Michael got upset that Ted didn’t make him the POA, he tried to sue Brian, saying that Brian wouldn’t take care of Ted. A few months later, Brian found out his son was being neglected by his mother, and ended up in another battle with all of them. They sat in court accounting Brian’s life before he ever had Gus, not mentioning the father he was for Gus from the minute he was born. For the girls, it was all about bleeding Brian dry, not about Gus. I still don’t know why Michael can’t seem to leave Ted alone and get on with his life. It’s not like he was in love with Ted. He tried to play it off that way, but I think he just didn’t want Brian to win,” He tells me.

“Why would he see Brian being in charge of Ted as a win?” I ask.

“Michael lived in the shadow of Brian all his life. It didn’t matter that Brian’s life was a nightmare, Michael only saw that Brian had no problem getting what he wanted in life. Brian worked for everything he wanted, Michael expects things to be handed to him. Deb taught him well,” He tells me.

“I want a chance to at least know the man he is, I want my other children to meet their brother. It sounds like he isn’t going to be easy to know,” I tell him.

“He still answered when I called, and he could have ignored it or told me to fuck myself. The man I know is still the same man he’s always been, willing to give people a chance,” He tells me.

“Even Deb and the others?” I ask.

“They burned any bridges to Brian when they left his son to be neglected. Brian could forgive people hurting him, but not Gus, never his son,” He tells me.

I sat alone at the bar, looking at the number Vic gave me. Do I call my son or try to see him first?

ALEX

“Remember when Justin told us how he picked his donor?” Ted asks.

“The numbers spelled out ‘nine inches’.” I tell him, still finding it funny.

“Well, apparently when Brian needed money in college, he donated, and managed to get the person doing the file to put that as the number for the file. They haven’t really checked into it, but the clinic is the same one Justin went to. Since files don’t repeat numbers, you have Brian finding out he has another child, only this blond refuses to use his child the way Lindsay used Gus,” Ted tells me.

“I came because Joan told me something I wanted to discuss with Brian,” I tell him.

“He’s on the fence about meeting his father, but Brian could never live with not knowing. I think it’s the whole Debra thing that has him stumped,” Ted tells me.

“Maybe I should have waited to see if he needed to talk. All I could think was that this was going to be hard for Brian with all the other things happening,” I tell him.

“It shows you care about us as more than the money you get,” Ted tells me.

“What about you? How have you been?” I ask.

“I had to get a new phone when Emmett decided to smash mine and try to flush it. I changed my number on my own. I don’t want to continue the cycle with Michael. I’ve also decided it’s time for me to start working again, even if it’s just being the boring accountant I’ve always been,” He tells me, but smiles instead of the usual frown.

“You’ve been making a lot of progress already, but this is really a big step. It’s also good to see you taking responsibility for your own health by eating, without Emmett having to tell you to do it,” I tell him.

“I’ve had good days for the most part. It started with shutting off the voice of Michael in my head. Then making it so he couldn’t call me either. It’s like things taste better, look brighter, and I’m happier, by leaving him behind. I can’t say that it’s not a struggle to get out of bed at first, but now I see there are good reasons to get up,” He tells me.

“Just know that if there are days when you feel weighed down, it’s normal. We can work on some techniques to help you if it happens,” I tell him, as Brian comes in with Emmett.

“Ted, everything okay?” Brian asks, looking at me.

“He came to see you,” Ted tells him, putting his plate away.

“I talked to Joan. I wanted to be here if you needed someone to talk to,” I tell him.

“Maybe you should talk to Justin. He seems to think my supporting my daughter should be done in moderation,” He tells me, snickering.

“Brian, I agree, since I had to carry all that shit in the house. He got to talk to Justin while I slaved away,” Emmett tells us dramatically.

“Please. It was diapers and formula. Justin has a lot to learn about the amount of diapers a kid goes through,” Brian argues.

“Where’s Gus?” I ask.

“Daphne is taking him to see a movie,” Brian tells me.

“He agreed?” I asks.

“Shelly’s going too, but only because she stopped by and Gus told her about it, but yes, Gus was willing to go,” He smiles.

“Good. How about we go to your office and talk?” I ask.

Brian grabs a drink and heads with me to his office. He sat at his desk playing with his phone, then hands it to me to show me the pictures of Gus and Lily. I got to the last one that looks like a painting of Gus.

“It’s Justin’s,” He tells me.

“How are you dealing with all the changes?” I ask him.

“Gus is getting better, I have a beautiful daughter, and my business is exceeding expectations. Not really anything to deal with,” He tells me.

“Brian, what about the fact that you have the opportunity to meet your real father?” I ask.

“What about it?” He shrugs, picking up his phone looking at it.

“Aren't you curious about who he is?” I ask.

“Why would I be?” He asks, as if not caring.

“It's me you're talking to, remember that,” I tell him.

“Do you know Justin offered to come with me if I wanted him to,” He says, not answering.

“Did you take him up on it?” I ask, playing along.

“No. If I meet my father, then I do it without help,” He tells me.

I nodded, understanding this wasn’t up for debate. “Call if you need to talk,” I tell him.

“It's too new right now,” He tells me.

“Just keep an open mind about Carl, he's a pretty decent guy,” I tell him.

“You know him?” He asks.

“Only when I'm called in to assess someone for the DA. My overall opinion of him is, he's fair and honest, it's why he stays in the position he's in, he doesn't like the politics it takes to move higher. He's divorced and has a good relationship with his family,” I tell him.

“How do you know he's got a good relationship with his family?” He asks.

“The same way I know you love your children, he has pictures of practically every event in his children's lives around his desk, and he's in all of them,” I tell him.

“I'm not in any of these,” He holds up his phone.

“You took them. I'm sure if we looked at photos others took of Gus we'd find you,” I tell him.

“Probably, but most likely you won't find them. Since Michael or Lindsay took them,” He tells me.

“Does it bother you that you don't have them?” I ask, while he's being open.

“For Gus’s sake it does. He'll never see how much he meant to me from the day he was first put in my arms. Lily will, because I want to be the father in every picture in every event. I want to be the person both my kids know loves them, no matter who they become,” He tells me.

“Then do what you do best show them that man,” I tell him, leaving to give him time to absorb that he said he wanted to be like his father.

CARL

I took time off because I didn’t want to have to do anything but get to know my son. I didn’t talk to Joan, because right now I felt she had left me out of Brian’s life. It wasn’t easy to get over the fact that I missed all of Brian’s life. I didn’t even know what my son looked like. I also needed to tell my other children that they had a brother they never met. My son Carl Jr was on his way home after living overseas for years, and was bringing my grandchildren home for the first time. Vicki and her husband just found out they were having their first child. I managed to keep my idiotic thoughts about her husband Edward to myself, and save myself from losing my daughter and future grandchild. I want my children to be close, and know that for me it didn’t matter who they married or how my grandchildren came to be.

I wanted to handle one thing first, because Vic might not have stood up for Brian, but as his father, I will. I wanted to meet the women who hurt my grandson. It was the only thing in all of Deb’s bitching and moaning that proved useful. When she told me about the girls and how they were being denied the right to be mothers to their son. At first I shrugged it off, because I had no idea how this affected me as much as Brian.

I had a visitor at my office a few days after Vic and I talked, in the form of Alex Wilder. He was willing to tell me what the girls did, but played with anything about the effect it had on Brian. He managed, using examples, to explain the complicated person Brian was, to me. He also asked me to remember the cases we saw of spouses who protected the life they had with the abuser and how we couldn’t convince them to give us what we needed to end the fucked up lives they lived.

“When a person has never had real examples of love in their lives, they tend to shy away from anyone who offers it to them. In certain cases they want the physical closeness, but don’t want more from anyone. So you see things like continuous one night stands, drinking, taking drugs, and being the life of the party. A lot of it comes from wanting to be surrounded by people who can never touch the part the person keeps hidden. They don’t talk about anything that will have anyone feeling sorry for them. They become workaholics because it keeps them from ever worrying about the things their childhood lacked because of parents who didn’t provide their basic needs. The closer someone tries to get, the less likely the person will want them around to see the things they were conditioned through abuse to hide. Only, the minute they see someone experiencing any pain they felt at one time, the person I’m describing would do anything to stop it. It wouldn’t matter if his past was worse, he would do what he could to make other person’s life better. Which in some cases, causes him to become a victim to people who use it.” He tells me.

“Or a child of his own.” I tell him.

“Ah, but in my example that changed the person's willingness to put up with the abusers in the person's life, because they abused the one person he loves. A love he couldn’t avoid. The person no longer can allow people in his life who did the one thing he never wanted for his child. Then the abusers find out who the person really is,” He tells me.

“What did they find out?” I ask.

“He wasn’t a victim when it came to people he loved. He became the savior, father, and friend to people that weren't out to get what they wanted from him,” He tells me.

“Can we put aside your analysis of my son?” I ask.

“It's an example, but what else did you want to know?” He asks.

“What happened to my grandson?” I ask him.

“Lindsay happened and Melanie happened. Lindsay was the girl who rebelled, and Melanie was the one enjoying her rebellion. Only Melanie didn’t like the idea that her wife likes men, as well as women. One man bothered her the most, because Lindsay wouldn’t leave him out of their lives. Don't think it had anything to do with loving the man, but knowing he would give her all the things mommy and daddy wouldn't, because of Lindsay’s biggest rebellion. Marrying a woman who was everything they considered beneath their family.” He tells me.

“Sounds more like they didn't like that it was a woman and not a man.” I tell him.

“I think if it was someone from their social set it might have produced different results, but it's just a guess on my part. There were only two problems if she had wanted her dream; Brian's gay, and will never not be, and in her parents eyes, he’s not any better than Melanie. Brian's money couldn’t overcome his background for her parents. So Melanie was the better choice because she would give in to Lindsay’s ways. Lindsay’s having Brian's child proved it, Melanie fought it, but gave in when Lindsay gave her an ultimatum, Brian would be the father or she'd find a woman other than Mel to be with. Which very few people knew Lindsay did to get her way.” He tells me.

“How did you find out?” I ask.

“Melanie's former best friend told me. Now, to what you want to know. Brian made his first mistake with Lindsay the day Gus was born, he told her if she needed anything for Gus, he'd do it. Unfortunately for him, she was smart enough to brush it off as if giving her and Melanie Gus was all they wanted. She stored it away so they could use it later, and Melanie found a way to get back at Brian for his interference in her marriage to Lindsay. It started with wanting him to sign away his rights; but didn't end there, because Lindsay found a game she enjoyed when Melanie and Brian met, playing one off the other. Melanie wasn’t innocent either, because in her mind she was beating a man, one who lived a life she envied. Melanie became Michael in her marriage, living in the shadow of the great Brian Kinney. Someone both she and Michael scorned. They wanted to be the person everyone wanted, but we're left to stand in the shadow of Brian. Melanie, because she could never give Lindsay the house, cars, or vacations Daddy gave Mommy. It was something Brian could do without worrying about how to pay the bills. So when Lindsay started asking for money, Melanie felt it was her right for putting up with raising Brian's son. They forgot one thing. Raising Gus meant they couldn't party until they passed out for half the day when they had a baby in the house. They tried to convince Brian to pay for a nanny, but in all of Lindsay’s planning, she told Brian she didn’t want a stranger raising Gus. When asked, Brian wouldn’t give them a way to have a nanny. At first they didn’t have to worry, because babies stay where you put them. They made sure Gus wasn’t starved or dirty until he could walk and reach things. Then it was as if they left him to his own devices. Only making it so Brian never saw it when he was allowed to visit. It's something Brian has a hard time with, because it's something he experienced in his childhood home; make everything presentable when people come to visit. When Gus struggled to get to Brian when he had to leave, the girls made it sound like it was because Brian spoiled his son. What it really was, was that Brian gave Gus what he lacked with the women who were supposed to be loving mothers- attention. Lindsay needed Gus to keep the money flowing for the things she and Melanie spent extravagantly on. Here's where Brian’s mistake came in, he balked at signing over his rights, so Melanie produces a million dollar life insurance policy that she's the overseer of, and Brian pays for to get to stay Gus’s father. Then they open an account that Brian contributes to for his son, one that Melanie controls. With Brian’s childhood, he didn’t think twice about contributing to make sure Gus never had to worry that he would have what he needed. Only, the girls found a way for Brian to pay for things they couldn't get him to agree to. Do you know that Brian didn’t fight over the massive loss of money, but only for his son. Yet the whole case was made that he was selfish and too unstable to be a good father. Brian won because he didn't lie about his life before Gus, but also showed he had everything it took to be a great father to his son. When Gus was taken to a foster home, only Brian showed up every chance they gave him. The girls, once or twice a week, leaving when Gus spent each visit crying to get away from the women who continued to tell him his father would disappear if he said anything to Brian. Brian constantly visiting showed his son the truth.” He tells me.

“What happened to the girls after, because they never landed here for neglect?” I ask.

“Lindsay’s parents didn’t want the bad press, so they made the girls sign their rights over to Brian, instead of having supervised visitation. The judge only gave them what little he could get away with, but Lindsay’s mother didn't want it to get out that her daughter neglected a child. I think mommy forked over enough to get Lindsay to agree, and give Melanie what she wanted, Brian and Gus out of their lives. They still had to go to parenting classes, but really those are a joke to me, when they weren't going to be mothers to Gus.” He tells me.

“In essence they got a get out of jail free card.” I tell him.

“Sure, but not an unlimited well of money from Mommy. Which means they needed a new way to keep up the lifestyle they want. It's why I suggested the move to Brian, it keeps the girls from being able just show up when they want something.” He tells me.

“New York isn't the other side of the world.” I tell him.

“Brian always dreamed of going there, he needed to have something for him for once.” He tells me.

“I don’t know how to approach him, but the girls are another matter.” I tell him.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

“Where there are parties every night, there are things that we officers don't overlook. I think my officers should make sure the neighbors don't have to listen to loud parties all hours of the night, if they happen to find anything that requires a few nights in a cell, that's what you get for upsetting the neighborhood.” I tell him.

“Brian has more than he knows from you.” He tells me.

“I don’t like anyone hurting my child, either. I fight with the truth, and will never regret what I do.” I tell him.

All it took was one Saturday to have them in my jail. I let my officers handle everything. I just watched as Melanie tried to call it anything that made it about the police hating her for being a gay woman with a law degree. The detective in charge explained hating that she and Lindsay let Anita, a well known dealer, deal in their living room, while getting high on the party favors. She really couldn't argue her way out of the coke she was snorting when the police showed up, or the test she couldn’t refuse. It was my way of making sure Brian could fight with the law on his side if these two came near him about Gus again. Not that I would tell him, just make sure he has the information if these two bother him.

BRIAN

The doorbell rang. I can’t get Justin to just come in with the key we gave him. It’s like he thinks it’s wrong to bring my daughter to her home here. I bought a crib and things that the house needed so Justin didn’t have to bring three bags when Lily came over. Emmett kept needling me about taking Justin out on a date, since I seem to think no one could date him. He’s my daughter’s father and… fuck, I don’t like the idea of him seeing other men. I also know he’s not really interested in dating anybody, because I, in a roundabout way, asked if he wanted a night out while I watched Lily for him. He told me right now Lily was the way he wanted to spend his nights. I was perfectly happy with that answer.

“Brian, there’s someone here to see you.” Shelly tells me, looking worried.

“Who?” I ask, because if it’s any of the Pittsburgh contingent, there was only one answer, 911.

“He says he’s Carl Horvath.” She tells me.

“I am Carl Horvath, my driver’s licenses and badge say it.” He tells us, from the doorway.

“Hi Dad, came to see your baby boy?” I ask, as if it didn’t matter to me that he came.

“Only if my son wants to see me. If not, I want to leave you with your brother and sister’s numbers. They would both like to meet the brother they never met because we didn’t know about you.” He tells me.

“What, no loving reunion?” I sneered, as Justin walked right in for the first time.

“Brian. No.” He tells me, handing me Lily.

“Jussin!” Gus yells, running to him, but stopping when he see’s my father.

Gus hid behind Justin’s legs, looking around them to see Carl. He was curious since we didn’t have many visitors here. Justin picked him up and ignored me.

“Gus, this is your grandfather. Someone who your dad wanted to meet.” He tells Gus and me.

“It’s okay if Brian doesn’t want to talk to me, but thank you for letting me meet my grandson.” Carl smiles at Gus.

Gus hid his head in Justin’s shoulder. “He’s old.” He whispers to Justin.

“He has to be, because he’s your grandfather.” Justin whispers back, tickling him.

“I guess you should meet your granddaughter too.” I tell Carl, appeasing Justin.

“Thank you.” Justin tells me, kissing his daughter and smiling up at me.

“Only because you want it for Lily.” I tell him, kissing him.

“How about we let you get to know your son and grandchildren.” Justin says, confused at what I did.

“Maybe you should tell him why.” Carl tells me, when he walked out of my office.

“We really just met.” I tell him.

“Oh?” He asks, looking at Lily still in my arms.

“It’s a long story, if you have the time.” I tell him.

“I have whatever time you’ll give me.” Carl tells me.

“Have a seat. Sooner or later Emmett will show up with drinks, then Ted will have a document I need to sign. So we really only have a half hour before they invade. Then maybe you can convince my mother you don’t hate her for keeping me a secret.” I tell him. “She’s coming in the morning in case you don’t want to forgive her and need to leave.” I warn him.

“Then we talk and I figure out a way to forgive her, for not loving me enough to stay with me.” He tells me.

BRIAN

Carl sat in front of me, neither of us really knowing what to say to the other. Gus climbed in my lap, staring at Lily. I kept looking for something in Carl that I could say proved we were related to each other and didn’t see anything.

“Why are you willing to believe my mother?” I ask.

“She never lied to me when we together... until you,” He tells me.

“It's the first real lie she ever told me. Otherwise, she just overlooked anything that didn’t fit into the world she wanted believe we lived in,” I tell him.

“It's not easy for me to know that you lived the way you did. It's harder knowing I could have done something to stop it, if I’d known the truth,” He tells me.

“Why show up here the way you did?” I ask, more curious than upset about it.

“From the description I got of you, I felt that calling you first might have had you seeing it as me taking the easy way out. I wanted to show you by my actions that I was serious about wanting to know you. If you threw me out, I'd just keep trying,” He tells me.

“You could've gone on with your life, the way it is, by ignoring what my mother told you,” I tell him.

“You could've ignored your mother and nephews when they needed help, but I think we both have the same beliefs when it comes to family. Your sister and brother know how I feel about being there for family and they feel the same way. When you’re ready, they would like to meet their baby brother. You might not want us, but we want you and your children in our lives. You have two more nephews, from your brother, and another baby coming from your sister. Carl Jr is coming home from overseas and would like to bring his family to meet you and the children. Vicky, your sister, and her husband Edward are willing to come here at the same time. I'll have to tell them about the angel in your arms, since I didn't know about her,” He tells me.

“Daddy gave her to us,” Gus tells him, surprising me by what he called Justin.

“Justin…”

“Daddy! Yous Lily's Dad,” Gus tells me.

“Child logic,” Carl tells me.

“Okay, but I call him Justin,” I explain to Gus.

“Justin had her by going to a clinic, before we met. My file at the clinic stood out to him,” I tell Carl, not wanting to explain why.

My office door opened, and right on schedule, Emmett came in with drinks. “I figured you guys would get thirsty with all the talking you'd need to do. I'm Emmett, caretaker of the family,” He tells Carl, sitting down.

“Thank you for being a good friend when Brian needed one,” Carl tells him.

“He's always been one to me, even when I didn’t realize it. I have to ask, why Debra?” Emmett blurts out.

“She seemed interesting when I met her, but after a few dates I got the idea she's a bit self absorbed. I was about to break it off anyway, but when I heard the way she talked about my son, it made it even easier,” Carl tells him.

“I think we're going to like you,” Emmett tells him.

“Emmett, I'm sure you have something to do,” I tell him.

“I was just going to see if Gus and Lily wanted to come with me,” He tells me.

I let Gus get up and was about to hand Lily over to Emmett but Carl was staring at them. “You can take her to Justin,” I tell Carl, putting my daughter in her grandfather's arms.

“You have to hold her head up,” Gus informs him.

“Want to show me?” Carl asks him.

“Yep. Daddy showed me,” Gus tells him, with Emmett mouthing ‘Daddy?’

“Justin wanted you to know what you were doing when you hold her,” I tell Gus, to explain to Emmett also about Justin’s new name.

“Just bring them out when you're ready, I'll prepare ‘Daddy’ for his baby,” Emmett tells me, running out.

“She beautiful, definitely takes after Justin if the golden blond stays,” Carl says, falling in love, the way I did with Lily.

“Daddy said maybe she gonna have Dad's eyes, but it too soon to know,” Gus tells him.

I look up to see my eyes on my father. It never made sense that I had hazel eyes when none of my family did. Yet there they were in my father.

“Ready to take our angel to Daddy?” Carl asked Gus. Gus nodded and led the way.

Ted came in paperless, asking if everything was good. I smiled and nodded, feeling for the first time like I had someone who I might want in my life. Carl came back in, smiling at Ted as he left.

“Justin took the new name well,” He tells me.

“How are you taking having a gay son?” I ask, getting it out of the way. If he didn’t like it, then I didn’t have a place in my life for him.

“How do you feel about a straight father? One who might not understand the attraction but only cares that it makes you happy?” He asks, giving it to me straight.

“I never got the attraction to women either,” I smirk.

“I had to get over any problems with difference if I wanted to stay in Vicky’s life. To me it would be trading one prejudice for another, by not accepting you for the person you love,” He tells me.

“It's the same for my mother. I can’t change that she married Jack, but I won't condemn her for him either. You have to understand, she believed strongly in the sanctity of marriage, as she was taught in church. Divorce wasn’t an option to her. Her cheating on Jack would have had her thinking she owed penance, not seeing the possibility that she needed to leave him. It wouldn’t have mattered if she loved you or not, her religious beliefs would have her staying with Jack.” I tell him.

“Did you have a good relationship with her?” He asks.

“No. But I know why now. She pushed me away so I wouldn't be Jack's punching bag. It wasn’t until my sister and Jack almost killed my nephew that I found out my mother was just as screwed up as I was,” I tell him.

“Mislead, not screwed up. You were both reacting to the roles you had to play, in the world of the Jack's, Deb’s, and others who use people,” He tells me.

“I got my mother to finally be the woman she should've been. If you plan to be my father, then it comes with you not treating her like she's unwelcome,” I tell him.

“I can be civil, but it wasn't easy to walk away from her. I fell in love with her, and she acted as if it didn’t matter. I can see now why it happened, but it doesn't change the way it felt then,” He tells me.

“Wish I could tell you anything helpful, but I've never been in love with anyone,” I tell him.

“Tell me when you figure it out. I'm sure it will be soon. I think I'd like to spend time with all my family,” He tells me, leaving.

I sat back in my chair and turned it to face the window. It’s like everything looked different now. I had the possibility of a father who cared that I existed. I see what Ted was saying, the world becomes brighter.

“Brian, can we talk?” I hear behind me, I slowly turned to look at Justin.

“I feel talked out,” I tell him.

“We don't get to avoid things, it leaves too much room for misunderstanding,” He tells me.

“What's there to talk about? Gus doesn't understand that he's not your son when Lily's your daughter. I want him to have all the love the world can give him so he never again has to feel what those two bitches did to him,” I tell him.

“And I'm honored he feels safe enough in the love I have for him. You know that's not what I'm asking,” He tells me.

“The kiss? I could say it's because you saw through the bullshit I almost did to a man who was willing to face whatever it took to have a relationship with me. I could say it’s because you cared enough about our children to want to give them a grandfather. It would be the truth, but it's also that I want to be the person you eventually give a chance to when you're ready,” I tell him.

“I'm not sure when I'll be ready. I need to be a father first. To figure it all out. If you're still interested then, we'll see,” He tells me.

“I'll always be a part of your life, so let me know,” I tell him.

DEBRA

It pissed me off when I went to the station with a casserole as a peace offering and Carl wasn’t there. I gave him a few days to come to me, but he never did. What I got instead was a restraining order from my own brother and the desk sergeant telling me that Carl asked him to explain again that he didn’t want to see me. That bitch Joan got her hooks into Carl the way she and her son do to everyone. It was worse because I was hoping Carl could get rid of the restraining order that kept Michael and I from contacting Brian.

After the last time Brian used it, we were informed by another detective we talked to that it would be a night in jail the next time, and possibly a longer stay. Mel tried to tell him it wasn’t us that was the real problem, but Brian harassing us. She told him about Gus not being allowed to see his mothers, but he explained that as a lawyer she had to have read what the loving mothers did to earn losing their son. We were being railroaded at every turn.

The latest was the police arresting the girls. I wanted to see why the police felt the need to go to a nice neighborhood, and arrest Lindsay and Mel. There were places that needed to be cleaned up, not people like us. Only, Carl seemed to no longer care what happened to me or my family, with Joan running around. One of the beat cops leaving with me told me Carl was taking a vacation. When I asked where he went, the guy told me he didn’t know, but couldn’t tell me even if he did.

I was trying to calm down at everything not going our way lately. Michael was worried about Ted having someone like Brian influencing him. Brian just couldn’t let Michael be happy. No, instead he takes the man Michael loves away. I couldn’t believe Ted would want that asshole around him when he saw the way Brian treated his friends.

“Ma, what’s got you pissed?” Michael asks, coming in with Lindsay and Mel.

“Everything! It’s like the day we stood up against fucking Brian everything started going wrong. Vic fucking thinks that he can ignore everything I did for him. The girls get accused of hurting Gus when Brian told them he would watch Gus that night, and everyone acts like you were using the man you loved and didn’t care what happened to him. We can’t even talk to Brian, who needs to see he’ll never be the kind of person anyone can depend on,” I tell him, pulling out the casserole that Carl didn’t get and slamming it on the table. “Sit down and fucking eat,” I order them.

“I can’t believe the police keep acting like Mel and I are drugs lords,” Lindsay tells us.

“You two need to stop partying like the asshole did, or you’ll never get Gus back,” I tell the girls.

“We won’t get Gus back until someone sees through that asshole,” Mel bitches.

“We need to do something, my parents aren’t willing to keep supporting us. You need to apologize to your boss and get him to rehire you. I won’t be the only one supporting us,” Lindsay tells Mel.

“I’m sure Sydney doesn’t mind paying you to screw artists to hang their paintings in his dying gallery,” Mel sneers.

“Like you didn’t mind screwing Tricia. In fact it seems you enjoyed it more than I did,” Lindsay sneers back.

“Better than Sam, the fucking hairy asshole,” Mel argues.

“Sam pays the fucking bills you can’t, and my family won’t. I have to wonder why I stay with you when I’m the one having to do all the fucking work to keep your lazy ass. What’s the use in having a degree if you don’t fucking use the thing,” Lindsay tells her.

“I would if your precious Brian hadn’t had my firm thinking I shouldn’t be representing family law. They said it looked bad that I let my wife ignore her fucking kid. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t my damn kid!” Mel yells at her.

“If you two could have taken care of your kid, I wouldn’t have lost everything!” Michael yells at them with my blessing.

“Like you gave a shit. I looked like an idiot telling Brian it was a boo boo. You told me Ted was just faking it for attention, not that he almost killed himself!” Mel yells at him.

“I don’t care what Brian made the doctors say, it was just Ted acting like a little bitch because he constantly disappointed me,” Michael tells her.

“All the fucking yelling isn’t going to solve anything. We have another problem. Carl isn’t going to help us against his son,” I tell them, to get them to pay attention to the real problem.

“What does his kid have to do with us?” Michael asked the right question for once.

“Because Joan managed to convince Carl that he’s Brian’s father. So all the trouble that the girls have been having, is once again because of Brian,” I tell them.

“I’ll have my parents sue the station for harassment. Let’s see how they like that,” Lindsay tells us, as if the reason they were arrested wasn’t the drugs in their house.

“Lindsay, do you really want your parents to find out why you and Mel were hauled in?” I ask.

“It’s bullshit, they are targeting us, and now we know why. I always knew Brian would be the reason our lives went to shit, but no one listened to me. Lindsay and Michael thought they could control the fucker, guess you both see what letting him around did to all of us,” Mel tells them, as if she didn’t like and use the money he provided.

“I don’t agree with what you did with the money Brian provided, but it shouldn’t have cost you Gus. I think when we finally get Gus away from Brian, the money should be trusted to someone who won’t let you use it the way you did,” I tell them, knowing I needed to show them how to do everything, the way I do with Michael.

“I don’t need anyone telling us what we can and can’t do with OUR money,” Mel tells me.

“Obviously you do, or you wouldn’t be sitting here, with Michael and I having to bail you out. Of course, you two could always go to your families when you get your asses in trouble. I have to say, Michael never got into the trouble you two have, because as his mother, I raised him better than your parents raised you,” I tell them.

“Yet your brother would rather forget he knows you and your brand of ‘Mothering’,” Mel smirks at me.

“Vic thinks he’s in love with Rodney. But sooner or later Vic will see what a burden he is and Rodney will get tired of it. Then he’ll have to beg me to let him return home,” I tell her.

“Instead of sitting around like a bunch of bickering children, figure out a way for us to get our lives back in order. I need a way to get a hold of Ted,” Michael tells them.

“Why? You only liked the status Ted gave you,” Lindsay sneered at him.

“Michael loves Ted,” I tell her, with my finger in her face.

“Yeah, I guess that’s how you see it. Mel let’s go, Sam is having a party tonight. It’s got to be better than sitting here eating greasy mac and cheese,” Lindsay says, getting up with Mel to leave.

“Leave, and don’t call when you want us to bail you out again. That was a lot of money, which you will pay back,” I tell them.

I smile as they sit back down. They understand who rules this roost. Vic will too.

JUSTIN

"I wasn’t prepared for Brian to want more than to be in Lily’s life. I planned to hold off on relationships, because Lily wasn’t going to have 'uncles' that might disappear from her life. I’m not blind to Brian, he’s gorgeous, but it takes more than what he looks like for me to want to pursue a relationship with him. I can also see he needs all his attention focused on Gus, Lily, and his father. Do I see the possibility with him? Yes. But he’s still healing from his past, and I don’t want to be in the way of that process. It took me a long time to see that my relationship with Ethan was the result of missing my mom and sister, and wanting someone to point to and say I wasn’t completely alone. I jumped into something that ended up being the biggest mistake of my life, and I don’t want us to end up having problems that will affect Lily and Gus in the long run,” I tell Ted when he was sitting in my studio.

“Okay. I really just came by to see if you needed any help with your taxes,” Ted tells me.

“Sorry. Emmett made it seem like I was just avoiding the inevitable,” I tell him.

“Emmett wants us all to be happy. He thinks meeting someone means the possibility of falling in love. He is the optimist in this family,” Ted tells me.

“I hope he’s right, I want to be really in love one day,” I tell him.

“I don’t want it,” He tells me.

“Why?” I ask.

“I have problems with understanding why anyone wants someone like me. I get why Brian wants you, everything about you makes it easy to see,” He tells me.

“What makes you think anyone sees what you do?” I ask, pulling out the paperwork I usually leave until the last day before taxes have to be filed.

“You’re easy to get to know, you never make an issue of our issues, and in case you bypass mirrors, you’re rather easy on the eyes,” He tells me.

“You are too, but you don’t see that,” I tell him.

“Thanks, but I know what I see,” He tells me.

“I see someone who picked the wrong asshole to love, and most likely overlooked other guys because you have a confidence problem. You're successful if you want to be, and figured out that the guy you fooled yourself into believing you loved, you really didn’t love, but wanted, because he was a fantasy,” I tell him.

“How do you know I didn’t love him?” Ted asks.

“Daphne doesn’t think you did, because of what happened. It makes sense to me, if you love someone, you don’t try to get away from them. You want to live for them,” I tell him.

“Have you ever had a relationship, other than Ethan the cheater?” He asks, sort of pissed.

“No. But tell me a single relationship you know where anyone did the things like Michael was doing to you, that you would see as love. I’m not judging you, but telling you that love should feed you, not starve you,” I tell him.

“Alex said it was more like a crush that I got to fulfill,” He tells me.

“You got your dream and it turned into a nightmare. Learn from it the way I did with Ethan. I thought us both being artists was a good thing. It just turned out that Ethan couldn’t handle anyone not kissing his ass and telling him he was the next big thing. I won’t let him affect every potential relationship by comparing them to him,” I tell him, handing the paperwork to him.

“Why are you letting it affect Brian then?” He smirks, leaving the room.

“Lily, don’t you see Daddy needs to spend time with you first?”  I ask her, leaning over her in her bassinet.

Lily grunted and left me a diaper to clean. Somehow that wasn’t the agreement I was looking for. I laughed and picked her up to change her. I passed by the wall of diapers, still wondering what he was thinking. My doorbell rang and I went to answer it. Brian was standing there looking lost, while Gus just ran in and went to play with the toys he left here for him.

“You just missed Ted by minutes,” I tell him, taking Lily to her room.

“Are you okay?” I ask, since I hadn’t seen him since yesterday.

“I don’t really know. Carl wants me to meet his other children. I don’t have the best relationship with siblings,” He tells me.

“I had a great relationship with my sister, no matter how short it was, I would give anything to still have her here. Whatever your sister was like, it doesn’t mean your other siblings will be like the her,” I tell him.

“I haven’t asked because you don’t seem to want to talk about it...” He tells me.

“My mom and sister were coming to see me and got in an accident. It was just a freak accident, but it left me without the only family I had. I want Lily to have people other than just me. Carl’s offering that to you, Gus, and Lily. You have a chance at something I don’t, a family that will accept you,” I tell him.

BRIAN

“Good God, how did I miss it?” I ask, pulling him into my arms while the tears stream down his cheeks.

“Miss what?” He asks, softly.

“You’re not as all together as we all thought,” I whisper.

“You’re letting something that not all of us get sound like a bad thing,” He says, letting me hold him.

“If it means that much to you, then we meet them,” I tell him, making him look at me.

“It should mean something to you,” He tells me as the tears continue to fall.

“I think you convinced me,” I tell him, wiping the tears from those beautiful eyes.

“Why do you want me?” He asks.

“Being around you heals me. You're like the sun. You help me forget the storms before you appeared. I don’t know. I’ve never really felt anything like you make me feel, just by being around you. You don’t realize what I would have done to someone else if they had interfered with what was happening when Carl showed up. It was different when you did it,” I tell him.

“You wanted to know him, or you wouldn’t have been making excuses,” He tells me, confident.

“There you are, my Sunshine,” I tell him, kissing him because he needed it just as much as I did.

“Thanks, but I’m sure Lily would like this diaper on,” He tells me, as we both look at Lily peeing everywhere.

“It’s okay Princess, there isn’t any mess that we won’t help you with,” I tell her.

EMMETT

Carl and I were going to visit Justin. He wanted to spend time with his granddaughter and didn’t know how to get there. We walked in as I usually did. Neither of us knew what to make of the conversation. I was rooting that the two would at least try. Gus waved at us and continued to play. Carl sat next to Gus, playing with him.

“I really think they would be great together,” I whisper to Carl.

“What anyone but them thinks doesn’t matter. It’s what they think that matters,” He tells me.

“Are you going to be okay with Joan?” I ask him.

“Right now I just want my children to meet and to see my family whole,” He tells me.

“It’s nice that it doesn’t bother you, my family let my being gay be the only thing that mattered,” I tell him.

“I can’t love only parts of my children, anyone who can loses the chance to know everything. I don’t love Lily for anything but the wonderful addition she’ll be,” He tells me.

“I think Justin wants her to have as much family as she can. He’s like me, no family left,” I tell him.

“You have Brian, Ted, and Shelly. I have a feeling you’ll have Justin as well. You're always going to be family to me, because you stood by Brian,” He tells me.

“We used to have Vic, but Brian isn’t ready to let him back in our lives. I miss Vic, he was like the anti-Debra,” I tell him.

“You guys don’t call her Deb?” He asks.

“No. Well it’s more to do with Alex wanting to distance the nickname, because we saw Deb as someone who cared, when it was the opposite,” I tell him.

“I’ll make sure to correct that,” He tells me.

“None of us really care if you never say any of their names. Especially the G-I-R-L-S,” I spell out so Gus doesn’t figure it out. “That had a not so great effect on a certain someone,” I tilt my head to Gus.

“They shouldn’t be a problem,” He says, helping Gus with a building block.

“How do you know?” I ask, when he winced when he realized he said it out loud.

“I just saw them in one of my cells before I left,” He shrugs.

“At least they made it into one,” I tell him, pissed that they got away with more than people without parents like Lindsay’s would have.

“I thought so too,” He smirks at me.

“I want you to be my dad,” I tell him.

BRIAN

Justin and I were listening to them talk. He giggled, saying Carl was his hero.

“Really? I was hoping for that spot,” I tell him, kissing Lily as we walked in.

“Hey guys. Carl wanted to spend time with Lily. I figured I wouldn’t let the big cop get lost in our city,” Emmett tells us.

“I have to pick up Mom, John, and Peter,” I tell him.

“You want me to come?” Emmett asks.

“I wanted to bring Lily and Gus with me,” I tell them.

“Carl can stay with me. Then the kids can get grandma time,” Justin tells me.

“If you don’t mind. I’d like to get to know Justin too,” Carl tells me.

“You have to deal with her sometime,” Emmett tells him.

“Not when she needs time with Brian. I think she’s worried more about how he’s going to deal with it. I don’t want it to become awkward when she’s meeting Lily the first time,” Carl tells me.

“Thanks,” I tell him, for understanding.

“Tell Joanie that I’ll try to make it easier, but we do need to talk to each other soon. I want this family to work, and she’s part of it,” He lets me know.

“When do Carl and Vicky get here?” I ask, as my offer for his.

“Anytime you want, Carl is bringing his family to my house in Pittsburgh, but it’s only an hour here. I need to tell him to stay away from Liberty Avenue though,” He tells me.

“Why?” Emmett ask him.

“My sons look almost like twins,” Carl tells us.

“Two of Brian. Jesus, the world isn’t ready for that,” Emmett tells us.

“I don’t know, one’s kind of interesting, two might be fun,” Justin comments, wiggling his eyebrows.

“My brother is straight,” I warn Justin.

CARL JR

I left my family at Dad’s to go get some breakfast. I got out the front door and was almost to my car when a woman came out of nowhere, yelling that I was an ungrateful asshole. Then she took off, saying I better not fucking call the cops on her or some guy named Michael, if I expected to move back here. I got in my jeep, trying to figure out what the hell that was about. Hopefully the nuthouse caught the crazy that escaped. Seriously, the wig and the massive button collection just screamed UNBALANCED to me. Maybe we should have just gone to New York, not here.

JUSTIN

Carl asked to see my work. It made it so we actually had something to talk about. I showed him the one I did of Gus when my other work didn’t seem to be his taste.

“I get the feeling Gus isn’t always like this,” He tells me.

“Gus needs a lot of love, probably as much as Brian does,” I tell him.

“You’re a bit protective of Brian. I want you to know I didn’t come here just to meet him and forget him,” He tells me.

“He took care of me when he didn’t even know me, or that Lily was his,” I tell him.

“He didn’t seem to want to explain how you figured it out,” He tells me.

“As his father, just know if the numbers on his file spell out the truth, he grew in every area,” I tell him, laughing at his blush, but he gave in and laughed.

“I can see why he’s interested in you as more than Lily’s father,” He tells me.

“He told me I heal parts of him. I think they were healing and he might mistake the timing,” I tell him.

“Why are you afraid of the possibility that you are doing that for him?” He asks.

“What happens when he no longer needs that? We still have Lily,” I tell him.

“What happens when he’s still there, wanting you?” He asks me.

“You know, I can give advice to other people like I know everything, but not listen to it,” I tell him.

“You’re avoiding the question. I heard you tell Brian it only leads to misunderstandings,” He tells me.

“Then I’m an idiot for thinking time changes anything,” I tell him.

“Relationships are different when you have to consider your children and how it affects them. If Brian was around before you decided to have Lily, you could decide based on only you,” He tells me.

“Have you ever dated someone your kids didn’t like?” I ask.

“You afraid you’ll run out of diapers?” He asks, looking at the wall of diaper boxes.

“Your son did that,” I tell him.

“Until Deb, I never really dated. More because my job demands a lot of my time, and wanting to be there when my other kids needed me,” He tells me, following me into my kitchen.

“I don’t think she counts, because you didn’t know Brian at the time. He tried to use it as a con in meeting you, but I really think it’s because he was trying to convince himself not to, when he wanted to,” I tell him.

“The people I talked to about Brian made him sound like he wasn’t going to be easy to get to know,” He tells me.

“Yet you showed up anyway,” I tell him.

“He’s my son,” He tells me, as if it explains everything.

“Not every father would see it that way,” I tell him.

“It explains why we have so many lost kids out there. Every generation is worse than the last, but what the last doesn’t see is the new one is what we made them. I’m not saying it’s all the older generation's fault, but our kids only learn what we teach them. If more parents loved their kids the way they should, you wouldn’t have the things like the girls did to Gus or Brian. Hell, even Deb’s brother called her one of Brian’s abusers. Like Jack wasn’t enough, and Brian needed even more,” He tells me, getting angry for Brian.

“When I hear about Debra and Michael it seems to pertain to Ted, more than Brian. Brian worries more about Gus than whatever the other two did,” I tell him.

“I had to hear it from Deb, and at the time I didn’t know who she was complaining about. She blames the whole family for daring to breathe in Pittsburgh. Somehow she thinks the girls are blameless in what they did to Gus. I have a feeling if she got a papercut, she’d find a way that Brian or Joan did it,” He tells me.

“It really makes you wonder if being lonely is worse than the idiots you pick to date,” I tell him.

“Justin, it’s never worse than dating an idiot,” He tells me, answering his phone when it rings.

CARL

I like Justin, he’s got issues, but a good head on his shoulders. I think if Brian is anything like his brother and sister, he’ll make what he wants to happen with Justin work for both of them.

I answered when Carl Jr called, not expecting the conversation. “Say that again?” I ask.

“Some red headed woman came up to me in your driveway, calling me an asshole and telling me if I want to live here again, not to call the cops on her and some guy named Michael. Is this some nutcase you know?” He asks me.

“Unfortunately it’s a nutcase that probably didn’t realize you weren’t Brian. You and Brian look like twins, if you dressed better. She’s pissed that I broke it off with her,” I tell him, hanging my head at ever thinking Deb was a good idea.

“We need to talk about your taste in women. I can’t believe she calls him an asshole, then acts like he shouldn’t want her ass away from him. What kind of screwed up people do that?” He asks.

“The kind that treated your brother and his son like shit,” I tell him.

“Not if I have anything to say about it. Let her run her mouth like that again and I’ll show her what his big brother thinks of it,” He tells me.

“Just stay away from Liberty Diner and you’ll be fine,” I tell him, wincing, since he knows just as much as I do about what I could find out about Brian’s life. It was not the way to get him to stand down.

“Thanks for the tip. I might just have to stop in for a bite. I’ll call Vicky and tell her we can go ahead and come,” He tells me.

“Tell your sister she wasn’t the only one who had a new addition to announce. Brian just had a daughter, I’ll send you pictures of the angel,” I tell him.

“Great, now my wife is going to beg for one more, she says we need less testosterone in the family. What’s angel’s name, so I can tell Vicky before she tries to bombard Brian with questions?” He asks me.

“Lily. Tell Vicky to take it easy on Brian, we don’t need to overwhelm him,” I tell him.

“Did Brian get married or something? I’m asking for Vicky and my wife, because they’ll want to know,” He asks.

“No. I was told he and Justin just meet a couple weeks ago,” I tell him.

“Dad, there’s no such thing as two week babies,” The smart ass tells me.

“They found out Brian was the donor Justin used when he decided to have a baby. I’ll explain it later, tell your sister to wait,” I tell him.

“Brian has an interesting life, I’ll have to see. Bye,” He hangs up before I can tell him to leave it alone.

“We’re just all kinds of complicated,” Justin laughs.

BRIAN

Emmett kept Gus entertained as we waited for my mother and nephews to get off the plane. Peter came out, with John dragging my mother behind him. I waited to text them that Carl was here, so she couldn’t find out until they landed. She needed to face her past, not hide from it. I figured meeting Lily would give her time before she entered the lion’s den.

“She looks so much like you,” Mom told me when I handed her Lily.

“We think she looks like Daddy,” Gus tells her, confusing her.

“He doesn’t understand Lily’s father isn’t his,” Emmett whispered to Mom.

“Justin’s fine with it,” I tell her, so we don’t have Gus upset.

“How are you with meeting Carl?” She asks.

“Grandma was worried you’d be mad at her,” Peter tells me.

“I told her you’d be okay. It’s like they forget who you are,” John tells me.

“He’s not expecting more than us getting to know him and my brother and sister. I can deal with it. I like him so far,” I tell her.

Emmett and the boys went to get the luggage while I took Mom with me and Lily to the car. I wanted her to be able to talk without worrying what she said around everyone. She still had problems with that.

“He didn’t come with you?” Mom asks, looking around.

“He stayed with Justin. I think he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” I tell her.

“He was always like that,” She tells me, as we get to the car to wait on the rest of our group.

“I think he also wanted to get to know Justin,” I tell her.

“I do too, you seem more relaxed lately,” She tells me, patting my cheek.

“He makes the other things less important,” I tell her.

“I’ve never heard you sound like that,” She tells me. “You sound like you love him,” She tells me, when I didn’t say anything.

“I don’t think love happens that fast, I do think it’s something I might be willing to try with him, one day when he’s ready,” I tell her.

“I fell in love in one day, only I let it go,” She tells me wistfully, as everyone gets in the car.

CARL JR

I knew I was walking into the right place when all eyes turned to look at me. I have a feeling my brother has the same affect on men that I have on women. My wife thinks it’s funny when women trip over themselves when I walk by. I used to think they were clumsy. I didn’t get the whole thing, because to me it was just a face and body that I was born with, and it didn’t make me any better than the next guy. Not that I didn’t use it when I met my wife, Diana. I went out of my way to get her attention when she acted like I was bothering her. She wanted to come with me to see if I could fool people that I was my brother, but our sons kept my trouble maker at home.

“Hey stud,” Some guy says, walking by and feeling me up.

“Hey?” I look at him confused, as he writes his number down on a napkin and stuffs it in my back pocket.

“I’ll show you a good time, since your back,” He whispers.

“I wanted to see if the redhead was here,” I tell him.

“Deb. Why? The last I heard you weren’t welcome in that circle,” A tall, I think woman, in a waitress uniform, tells me. “Wait, who are you?” She asks, apparently realizing I’m not Brian.

“Is she here?” I ask.

“I’m right behind you, ASSHOLE. Really, I wonder if you showing up where you're not welcome could have the police arresting you!” Deb the nut, screeches in my ear.

“Deb…” The waitress tries to warn her.

“I didn’t know walking into a public place was something my father could arrest me for. Although, with you showing up at my father’s house, saying shit about my brother, I’m sure my dad could find some reason to arrest you. Meeting you made me see why my brother got the fuck out of this town. But let me warn you now, if he wants to come back here, he will, with the full force of his family to take on your bunch of assholes. Nice meeting everyone; well not you, but hey, I promise not to judge the rest of you the way Deb seems to judge my brother, and hang him for caring about his son,” I tell her and everyone watching us, praying she’ll take the bait as I walk towards the door.

“I was the woman who took him in and took care of him when he had no one!” She yells so everyone can hear.

“I bet that made you feel special, letting a kid go back to the same home over and over again while you waited for the next broken arm or black eye he showed up with. I think I’d rather get the shit kicked out of me than deal with your form of caring. I guess none of you think she could have done more, if you think this is a mother figure to look at,” I tell all of them, hoping Brian will understand, I protect my family.

“Ma, you okay?” I assume this must be Michael.

“No. I think your mother is figuring out not everyone will fall for her bullshit. Are you Michael?” I ask.

“Yeah,” He says, backing away.

“I’m CJ, Brian’s very protective brother. Do me a favor and tell your little girlfriends, Brian isn’t alone, if they want to start something with him,” I tell him, whistling as I walk out.

“Brian?” Some short brunette sneered, stopping.

“CJ. But hey, he’s my baby brother, is that a problem for you?” I ask, glaring as she and a blonde rush past me, straight to the other two.

BRIAN  

Mom came with me to meet Justin, while Peter and John stayed with Shelly. She didn’t want to put off facing Carl, and told me that in the end she was the reason he never knew about me. I could understand how Carl felt, finding out he had a child he didn’t know about; of course for me it was different, because Lily would know me all her life.

When we got there, Carl and Justin were talking about where my brother and sister would stay. My house only had a couple of extra rooms, which Mom and the boys would be using. Justin’s had three rooms, so even his space was limited, since the spare room was his studio.

“If you guys wouldn’t mind helping, we could put Lily in my room and move the stuff in my studio to my garage. I could let the kids sleep in the living room, the adults can use the rooms,” He tells us.

“That's really generous of you,” My mom tells him.

“I like the idea of having people around,” Justin tells her.

I took Justin with me to his garage. It's my family, yet he doesn’t have a problem letting strangers stay in his house. He rolled his eyes when we passed the diapers.

“I would've made the arrangements,” I tell him when we were alone.

“When Carl mentioned it, it sounded nice having people around. Since Daphne had to go back to school, it's just me and Lily and she just grunts, so conversion is a bit limited,” He tells me.

“All you have to do is call and I can help,” I tell him.

“I'm sure you have better things to do, like work and Gus,” He tells me, moving boxes around.

“I want us to get to know each other. We can't if we don't talk to each other,” I tell him.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me things that you might not want to talk about,” He tells me.

“In the past, I wouldn’t even tell people I thought were close to me anything that bothered me. I had my subconscious telling me I would be giving them a loaded gun, and directions where to aim for maximum damage. I can't keep things from you, if I want us to be what I want,” I tell him.

“It shouldn't mean you have to bleed for me either. I get snippets of what you dealt with, but asking you about them seems wrong. I don't want to make you talk about things that could hurt you,” He tells me.

“I did things to avoid talking and still wonder how I'm standing here. My life consisted of doing anything to avoid hearing the voices screaming that my life wasn’t what I made everyone believe it was. I tricked, not even knowing if the guy I let into my home might be a psychopath. I took anything my dealer let me have to stay high, because otherwise I'd hear things I didn't want to, the same with drinking. It took seeing what was happening to Gus to get me to see I needed to get help before he ended up living a life worse than mine. Jack Kinney was a man who felt the need to break bones, walls, and tell me that I ruined his life by being born. My mother drank until she passed out, to pretend nothing was happening in our home. I spent my entire childhood learning the best places to hide if I wanted to survive. Then ended up having to take him on as an adult, which was when I finally saw him for who he was; a man who blamed everyone else for the failure he was. My sister became my father, but married a man who knew to get the hell out, leaving his kids to suffer with the woman who abused him. Which meant when my nephew was beaten worse than I was by Jack, I couldn't do everything I was taught and ignore it. I had to help my mother pick up her life, so Peter and John had someone they could depend on. After that everything just kept snowballing; Ted tried to kill himself, and Emmett showed up to tell me to get Gus away from his mothers. I had my life examined as if I was one step away from being Jack. It led me to show up in Alex’s office, admitting to him and myself that I needed help just to keep from succeeding where Ted didn’t,” I tell him, bleeding for him. “You know everything, even something Alex only guessed at. You don’t have to be worried now,”

JUSTIN

He said all of it with this blank stare, as if what he was saying happened to someone else. I hated anyone who made him question his place in the world. It was like he expected me to react badly to what he said, and was putting on armor to protect himself from me disappointing him for daring to tell me about his life.

“Tell me about the best day of your life,” I tell him.

“Holding Gus for the first time, knowing love wasn’t a myth,” He tells me.

“Favorite color?” I ask, since he smiled thinking about that moment.

“I would have said black, but I’m starting to like blue,” He tells me, coming towards me.

“What you would do if you could do anything,” I said, backing up.

“Keep anything that could hurt Gus or Lily far away from their lives,” He tells me, showing me he’s far from the person others made him think he was.

“What about you? What would you do?” He asks me.

“Figure out why you think this would work,” I tell him.

“All I can do is show you, it’s up to you to figure it out. I don’t know how to do this,” He tells me.

“Show me?” I ask.

“I want to see if my heart is really capable of loving you,” He tells me, pulling his lips into his mouth.

JOAN

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Carl asks.

“I didn’t want the one thing I could have of you taken from me. It was the wrong decision, but at the time I wasn’t making very good decisions. If I could go back, I would have left and taken what you offered me, but I didn’t know how,” I tell him.

“Brian suffered for your indecision. I don’t know how to forgive you for it, but I’m working on it,” He tells me.

“I blame myself, so it’s not anything new for me,” I tell him.

“You and Deb have that down pat, blaming you, as if what she did wasn’t as bad,” He tells me.

“She always acted like she was the perfect mother. She used to show up at the house, telling me everything she did right and expecting me to agree. She was far from the mother she thinks she is. Sorry, I don’t have a lot of good things to say about her,” I tell him, not really sorry for how I feel about her.

“I'd only been on a few dates with her, but couldn’t see continuing, even before you told me about Brian. Trust me, when her own brother was getting a restraining order to keep her away, I knew it was over,” He tells me.

“At least Vic figured out it was time to get away from her,” I tell him, happy for Vic.

“It took me years to get over you,” He tells me.

“I never did, but you deserved the chance to find someone who wasn’t as broken as I was,” I tell him.

“How’s life now?” He asks.

“I got my son to give me a chance to show him I can be the mother I want to be, so it’s getting closer to perfect. It took time to undo the damage I did, but Brian is willing to help me,” I tell him.

“I want us to be able to find a way to be in Brian’s life without avoiding each other. My son and daughter are coming, and I know they would like to meet everyone in Brian’s life,” He tells me.

“They don’t have to meet me,” I tell him.

“I think CJ needs to see that my taste in women isn’t that bad. He met Deb,” He tells me laughing.

“I can at least sympathize with the poor boy,” I laugh with him.

BRIAN

I checked to see that Gus was asleep and tapped on Emmett’s door to let him know I was going out. Even with everyone here, Emmett is who I trust when it comes to Gus, because he didn't leave me in the dark, but came to me the minute he found out. He answered and waved me to go.

After talking to Justin, I wanted time when neither of us had to worry about kids, family, or all the other things around us. He sort of gave me the idea, when he told me about painting late at night. Less distractions. Pulling up to his house, I could see his studio lights on, so I knew he was up. As quietly as I could, I climbed his steps, put a blanket on the top one, and waited for him to come to me. Sitting here in the dark, gave me time to myself. My life was going to change in the next couple days, but for once I couldn’t find a reason to worry about it.

Justin came out and sat with me. “Anything interesting going on in to your head?” He asks.

“I’m not seeing meeting my brother or sister as a bad thing. Which is new. Normally I'm trying to figure out the angle,” I tell him.

“I'd feel the same way if my father showed up the way yours did,” He tells me.

“So you don't see any happy reunions in your future?” I ask, wanting to know more about him.

“The last time we saw each other was when he tried to sue me for my mother’s life insurance. Which was probably the most ridiculous thing for him to do, since they'd been divorced and hated each other. He didn’t want my family to have to admit to the shame of me being gay. He lost, but told me he won because I was no longer his son.” He tells me.

“Hope you told him you counted that as a major victory for you,” I tell him.

“I wasn’t really up to it. He tried to keep me from attending my sister's funeral. The joke was on him, since I paid for it. He had to watch from his car. The whole life insurance thing was most likely his way of getting back at me for that one,” He tells me.

“He sounds like Jack without the flying fists,” I tell him.

“He tried once, but I smiled when he busted my lip. I think he expected me to cry. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction,” He tells me.

“What about your mom?” I ask.

“She was great, it took her a while to realize nothing about me changed, but when she did, she told me nothing was more important than me being her son. He even tried to make her death my fault,” He tells me.

“You said it was an accident,” I tell him.

“She wanted to visit and celebrate a big commission. They were driving at night and the other driver got distracted and hit them head on. He tried to make it sound like I forced them to be on that road when I should have been the one in the car that night. Grief can make you play the ‘what if’ game,” He tells me.

“It's a game I've never won. All the answers are hypothetical, in the end what happened doesn’t change,” I tell him.

“It still makes you want to believe you could change it,” He tells me.

“What if I ignored you in the park? My life would have continued, but a big piece would be missing. Maybe our lives led us in shitty directions so we'd eventually cross paths,” I tell him.

“It's strange when you think about it. I could have just picked the med student or the law student, but I picked a business major with a big ego,” He jokes.

“My ego had nothing to do with it,” I tell him.

“So I heard from Emmett,” He tells me, laughing.

“I'm feeling violated, but hey, you ever want the personal tour, just let me know,” I tell him to keep him laughing.

“You really make it hard… to resist,” He teases.

“I'm figuring you should at least get the experience my donation didn’t give you,” I tell him.

“I happen to own you, well, at least your donation,” He jokes.

“Why?” I ask.

“I wanted to make sure that if I wanted to do it again, the baby would be a full sibling. I didn’t want to have kids with different fathers,” He tells me.

“If we manage to get you over what you're worried about, I can give you as many as you want,” I tell him.

“Bribery will get you everywhere,” He tells me, pushing me down on the blanket.

“I'm not that easy,” I tell him.

“Do I have to wine and dine you?” He asks, leaning over me.

“You have to never look at anyone else the way you look at me,” I tell him, pulling him down for a kiss.

We hear Lily announce she needs attention. “Well Dad, our daughter needs us,” He kisses me, getting up.

“Changing a diaper, coming up,” I smirk, as we head inside and he grabs one of the boxes from the wall.

VICKY

Diana and I married chumps, they'll do anything not to go shopping. Which includes falling for us saying we were dress shopping. We started talking about going to look for clothes for New York, in order to fool the men. I planned to do that too, because I wanted to look good when I met my brother, but Diana and I didn’t like be left out of things. We both wanted to see the people who screwed with Brian. Dad told me that I couldn’t be bitchy to Brian’s mother, after I told him how I felt about what she did to Brian. So I decided to find someone no one would care if I told my thoughts to on how Brian was treated. We got to the diner and Diana grabbed my hand and dragged me to an open booth. We were sitting there for a few minutes when some guy comes over and tells us that it’s his table.

“I didn’t know they had seating charts, did you?” Diana asks sarcastically.

“I saw the sign that said seat yourself, is there a reason you think this booth belongs to you?” I asked him.

“Everyone here knows, if I come in, this is my booth,” He tells us.

“Actually Michael, it's for anyone who comes here to eat, not bitch. Hello girls, I'm Kiki and it will be my pleasure to serve you today,” Kiki tells us, pushing Michael out of her way.

“Ma isn’t going to be happy you took HER customers,” He tells her.

“Then she should be over here, not chatting with Mel and Lindsay, who only seem to be here for free coffee and bitching about how Brian won’t pay for their asses. I don't think the owner sees it as a bad thing to wait on PAYING customers,” She tells him, breathing in deep.

“Why not share the booth, we're new to the area. Maybe you could tell us all about it,” I tell him.

“Find a tour guide. I don't have anything to tell you,” He tells us, going to the counter.

“Sorry about that, he thinks he owns the place. What can I get you?” She asks us.

“I'll take the turkey on wheat, hold everything but the cheese and lettuce,” I tell her.

“I'll take the breakfast special with everything on the hash browns,” Diana tells her.

She stared at us for a second then shook her head writing down the order. “I need to see if we still have whole wheat. We quit carrying it when another customer stopped coming here.” She tells me, looking down.

“If not I can take it without the bread. Carbs aren’t really my friend,” I tell her.

“He didn’t like them either,” She tells us, walking away.

“Why are you waiting on my table?” Deb shouts at Kiki.

“I'm sure they didn't want to wait for you to finish the bitching session to get served!” Kiki shouts back.

“I planned to take care of them when they moved out of Michael’s booth. The girls were just waiting for him to get here. So when they move their asses to another booth, then they can get service, FROM ME, not you!” Deb shouts.

“How about I get Matt out here and you tell him that, I’m sure he’ll tell you that you don’t get to decided who we serve based on what your son comes over to complain to you about,” Kiki tells her.

“Is there a problem?” A guy comes out of the back and asks.

“Yes. I’m trying to take care of paying customers, and because Deb and Michael think they own the booth the people who ordered food sat at, Deb seems to think they should move to make Michael, and the two who aren’t paying for coffee, happy. I assumed you’d rather let the customers who came to pay to eat, get served. Deb thinks we should just ignore paying customers,” Kiki tells him.

“There were three other booths they could have sat in,” Michael whines at the guy.

“So could you. Maybe it’s time for you to sit at a booth other than the one your mother forgets is part of the diner and not her kitchen, which is where you should go if you want to eat for free. If you want to eat here, I’m sure the rest of my staff will be happy to hand you the bill,” He tells Michael.

“I use my employee discount,” Deb tells him.

“Last I checked the owner decided YOU get a free meal, not you and all your son's friends,” He tells her.

“Fine, then Kiki, we expect service as good as Deb’s,” The blonde says, looking put out.

“My service includes a bill for coffee. Have a seat while I take care of all the tables Deb couldn’t, because she was too busy with you,” Kiki tells them, grabbing plates for another table.

They got up and sat in the booth behind us, bitching about having to cater to Kiki lately. Deb threw her apron on the counter and told everyone she was taking her break. I almost got up to help Kiki when she looked ready to throw my sandwich at the woman.

“It’s a wonder anyone eats here,” Diana tells me.

“If you have a problem with it, there’s the fucking door,” Deb tells us.

“I would if you were the one serving us, but I want to make sure Kiki gets a huge tip for actually doing not only her job, but yours too,” I tell her, wanting to yank that atrocious wig off her head.

DEB

“Ignore them, we need to figure out how to get Ted away from Brian,” Michael tells me.

“Ted isn’t going to listen, because you couldn’t resist taunting him when he was in the hospital,” Lindsay tells him.

“If Mel had told me that Ted gave Brian his POA, I would have made him change it before Brian got everything I should have,” Michael tells us.

“He made a mistake trusting in Brian, and not the man who loves him, Baby,” I tell Michael.

“Yeah, you really loved Ted, or was it the guy you fucked while he was in the hospital?” Lindsay laughs.

“That's not true,” I tell her, pissed she could think Michael would do something like that.

“I was at least in a relationship with the guy supporting me. I didn’t treat Ted any differently than you treated Brian. I had more right to expect Ted to support me, because I gave him what he wanted, me. I can’t help that sleeping with him made me turn to other men,” Michael tells Lindsay.

“And have half of Liberty Avenue telling everyone about your brand of love,” Lindsay taunts.

“The fucker has people willing to lie for him, otherwise Lindsay and I wouldn’t have looked like we were neglecting her kid,” Mel tells us.

“I told you we should have just hired someone with some of the money we were using,” Lindsay tells us.

“You had to make the fucker think it wasn’t how you wanted to raise your son. Telling him you didn’t want your child to be raised the way Mommy raised you,” Mel complains.

“If you two don’t straighten up and stop getting in trouble, it won’t matter. Brian isn’t the one throwing wild parties, you are,” I tell them.

“I still think I should go see if I could ‘talk’ to the brother,” Lindsay smirks. “I’m sure I could show him that Gus should be with me,” She tells us, slyly.

“I doubt it, but you know, I wouldn’t mind watching my husband tell you what he thinks of your bleached blonde ass,” The woman from behind Lindsay tells her, pouring tea all over Lindsay and Mel.

“Sorry, Diana tends to not like anyone thinking CJ’s up for grabs. I really came for the entertainment, which you supplied in spades. I’m Brian’s sister, Vicky,” The other woman says, dumping the loaded hash browns all over Michael and me. “Kiki, thank you for bringing the extra chili, I think it made the hash browns perfect. My husband will love hearing that you think you can neglect a child and still be allowed near my nephew. I really think who ever Ted is, he’s probably happier without you and your son. I have so much to tell my brother. Thanks,” Vicky tells us, handing Kiki a fifty.

“YOU BITCH!” Lindsay yelled, launching herself at Vicky. I didn’t understand why both girls smiled as they took on Mel and Lindsay.

JUSTIN

It’s harder to ignore someone when you know you could be with them. I have spent way too much time on what his hands would feel like touching me everywhere. I’d also been sort of soloing it when I decided to have Lily, so the urge to test drive her other father is there. He doesn’t help when he shows up in ratty cut-off jeans and a sleeveless Tee to move things around my house. I’m left staring when his shirt rides up and shows me a happy trail that demands I follow it. I spent the whole day thinking even an ice bath wouldn’t help, when he flexes and I have to watch his arms as they lift the bed he was putting in Lily’s room. Then I looked away from all that was Brian, to the twin bed.

“I got the idea that your brother and brother-in-law were big guys,” I tell him.

“Around my size,” He tells me.

“They both have wives, right?” I ask.

“So I'm told,” He says, putting kids sheets on the bed.

“Then explain the bed,” I tell him.

“Gus likes to sleep in his own bed,” He tells me.

“So it's here, why?” I ask.

“Because if anyone is staying here, I would think it should be Lily’s father and brother. My brother and sister can use the rooms in my house,” He tells me.

“I thought we were going to take this slowly,” I tell him.

“We are. I'll take your studio, and Lily can stay in here with Gus. He won’t mind sharing with his sister. I want as much time as I can have with both my children,” He tells me.

I couldn’t think of an argument to his reasoning. His phone went off with him looking confused at the number.

BRIAN

I couldn’t figure out why I was getting a call from the Pittsburgh PD. It's not like I've had to call them since moving, and I know the restraining orders were all still in place. I answered, curious.

“Hello?” Came a woman's voice.

“Who is this?” I ask.

“Vicky. Um, could you get a hold of Dad? I think it would be better to have him deal with this,” She tells me.

“He's taking my son and daughter out for the day. What did you need him to deal with?” I ask.

“Are you sure you can't find him, because I don't need our big brother coming here. It just leads to him being a pain in the ass. It's not like I expected the crazy bitches to think they could kick Diana and my asses. Which they didn’t, just so you know. It wouldn’t have been a big deal if I hadn’t snatched the fucking monstrosity of a wig off Deb's head, but then whiny boy thinks having a penis should be all it takes to scare Diana and me. He didn’t realize we have men with real penises. Men who taught us how to take down any man, or in this case, boy. Unfortunately, it led to the cops taking us all in, because the manager wasn’t thrilled that most of the diner was destroyed by the flying bodies. By the way, someone named Todd told me to say hello and that everything was fine. He brought a couple bears to help us. It's just, no one's being released because the one chick, Mel, is trying to turn this into a gay bashing. How that's possible is anyone's guess. They tried to jump us first,” She says, giggling the whole time.

“Why are you not calling CJ or your husband?” I ask.

“They think we’re shopping, which could be because we told them we were. I really have to question how they would believe I'd shop Pittsburgh, when HELLO, New York and designer heaven waiting. I think they just wanted to watch the game, but it made it easier to get away. Only now I don't want to call to hear CJ ask who the crazy bitches really were, so maybe you could help out the sister who loves you best? Oh, and your favorite sister-in-law too?” She asks.

“Are you being charged?” I ask.

“That seems to be the problem. The sergeant can't make heads or tails out of what happened, with 'loud mouth' screaming over everyone. Kiki tried to tell the cops it was them, but we sort of dumped our lunch all over them when Lindsay said she should talk, and no she didn't mean talk, to CJ. Diana got a bit pissed, but hey, if someone implied that about Edward, boiling lava would be my choice, not tea. So, you know anyone who could save us from CJ and Edward?” She asks.

“I'll call Alex. Try to stay out of trouble until he gets there,” I tell her.

“My baby brother is awesome,” She tells me, hanging up.

“Is everything okay?” Justin asks.

“Give me a minute,” I tell him, calling Alex.

“Brian?” Alex answers.

“Yep, I need you to do something for my sister,” I tell him.

“What did Claire do?” He asks, clearly not thrilled.

“Nothing I know about, I'm talking about Vicky, the other one, and Diana, my sister-in-law. They apparently decided to check out the diner and from the sound of it, caused a brawl. Wait, they were only defending themselves when Lindsay, Mel, Michael, and Debra didn’t like the lunch Vicky and Diana served them,” I had to stop when laughter took over. “Could you get them, without telling CJ and Edward? Vicky doesn’t want to deal with big brother and husband,” I tell him.

“I'll handle it, no charge. I plan to hug the women who made you laugh,” He tells me, hanging up.

“You happy, is sexy,” Justin tells me.

“You standing next to a bed works for me,” I tell him, pouncing.

JUSTIN

When Brian and I landed on the bed, there was absolutely no thought in my head but that a wall of Brian was on top of me. I now knew the numbers on his file might have been slightly wrong, it felt bigger. I would have commented on it, but well, his mouth attacking mine made talking a bit hard to do, and possibly the fact that my hands were checking if the abs I’d been salivating over were real. Yes they were. I would have probably stripped naked, but there was just something so wrong with using Gus’s bed. I managed to stop kissing him to explain my thought process on this,

“I think we need to slow down and maybe not do something on Gus’s bed,” I tell him, letting him kiss down my neck.

“I wasn’t planning on doing anything but this,” He lies, without blinking.

“You keep that up and I doubt it would matter, because it’s been a while for me,” I tell him.

“How long?” He asks, finally stopping.

“Before I decided to have Lily. It just didn’t seem right when I was having a baby to sleep with other men,” I tell him.

“I couldn’t resist when you stood there looking at me like that,” He tells me, kissing me and pulling my hands over my head.

“How did I look?” I ask.

“As if my happiness meant everything to you,” He kisses me again.

“I want us to show our children that life can be good. When you smile, I see the man you're working on becoming,” I tell him.

He lays beside me and pulls me to him. “There are still going to be days when I can’t manage a smile or to laugh, but it doesn’t have anything to do with you or our children. I still have to deal with things that went wrong in my life, and there will be times when I lash out if people crowd me. I need you to understand that about me. I’m not sure when or if that will change about me, and I don’t want you to ever feel that it has to do with you. It’s something Alex is working with me on, but I still sometimes react badly to anything that reminds me of my past,” He tells me.

“Then you help me figure out when you need me to back off. I’ve never understood depression, because I can bounce back when I get in a funk. Daphne and I talked about why others can’t, and her answer was because depression is like sand on the beach. A little you can brush off and continue on, but in the case of depression it’s like the sand keeps pouring in on you until it buries you under more than you can get away from,” I tell him.

“I’ve always thought it was like a riptide; you can’t get away from undertow that is going to take you under. I’ve worked on not avoiding it, but letting it do the damage until I could get to the shore. Emmett said he feels helpless when Ted and I can’t tell him what’s wrong, but it’s because we couldn’t tell you either. There isn’t one small thing, it’s everything,” He tells me.

“I’m here if you just need someone to help you find the shore,” I tell him, holding him tighter, never wanting him to get pulled under.

ALEX

It didn’t take me long to figure out who Brian’s sister was, she was the woman that had the officers practically tripping over themselves when she gave them a smile. I was planning on trying to get them out of here, but of course Debra saw me, and I’m public enemy number one for keeping Ted away from Michael.

“Look who’s here, the fucker who knows everything about nothing,” Debra yells over the cop trying to get her to sit down.

“Hey, was she talking to you or about herself? I’m Vicky, and you must be the man keeping my ass out of trouble. Which unfortunately won’t happen, because CJ found out when he called Diana wanting to know where we were,” Vicky tells me.

“I’m Alex, and I learned to ignore anything that comes out of Debra’s mouth,” I tell her.

“Really, because the woman seems to think no one can hear,” Diana tells me.

“Hey Debra, can you crank it down, we have a new friend to play with,” Vicky tells me, flirting.

“You need to shut your mouth. If it wasn’t for you none of us would have been here. They were the ones who attacked us first,” Lindsay tells the cop, who looks like he’d rather be sitting with Vicky and Diana.

“I seriously have to ask why Brian wanted THAT to be the mother of my nephew,” Vicky tells me.

“We all wonder, but Gus is worth anything they put Brian through,” I tell her.

“Not that I haven’t enjoyed the tour, but can you get Diana and I out of here before CJ shows up. Edward had to stay home with Gil and Jason,” She tells me, as if I should know everyone.

“My sons,” Diana tells me, as if she had to clear things up when Vicky talks.

“Too late, ladies,” A man who had to be CJ tells them.

“Brian is now my favorite,” Vicky pouts.

“Until he figures out that you and Diana are nuts,” CJ tells them.

“Honey, can you tell that one over there that she has nothing you want,” Diana demands of the giant.

“Which one?” He asks.

“The bitchy blonde who treated your brother as if he owed her because she had his baby,” Diana tells him, wrinkling her nose as if Lindsay smelled bad.

“I just thought we could talk alone. I am the mother of YOUR nephew,” Lindsay tells CJ, in a husky voice.

The look on CJ’s face should have told Lindsay what he thought of her. “Sorry, but being a mother is more than what comes from having ovaries,” He tells her, kissing his wife.

“You need to understand that Brian was mistaken, my lambskin is the most important thing in my life,” Lindsay tells him, twirling her hair, not caring how bad she looked with the bruise forming on her cheek.

“Is she for real?” CJ asks me.

“She thinks people fall for it,” I tell him.

“Lindsay?” He asks, like he didn’t get it.

“Yep, it works in the circle she’s in,” I tell him.

“Don’t listen to Alex, he has Brian convinced that Gus doesn’t need us,” Lindsay tells him.

“I’m convinced you’d be the last person anyone needs. Get over yourself, there is nothing that would make me listen to a woman who hurt a baby,” CJ tells her.

Mel started laughing and CJ didn’t like it. “You think this is funny?” He glares at her. “Do I need to post bail?” CJ asks Vicky.

“No, Vicky and Diana were free to go, they told me they just wanted to see the others in a cell,” The police officer sitting with them tells us.

“I’m not being arrested for them,” Lindsay tells him.

“Your being arrested for public disturbance, along with your little group,” He tells Lindsay.

“It sounds more like we’re being arrested because they’re Carl Horvath’s kids,” Michael joins in.

“According to your mother’s boss, and everyone else in the diner, Lindsay and Mel started this, and you seem to think you could take a swing at two women who only stopped in to eat,” He tells Michael.

“They poured food all over us!” Debra screeches.

“It doesn’t mean you try to throw glasses at them,” Kiki yells.

“Really? I missed that part,” Vicky says, enjoying herself.

“She missed and hit our boss,” Kiki tells her.

“She pulled hair out of my head,” Debra tells the cop, who orders her to sit down. “I won’t sit here and be blamed for what those girls did,” She tells him, poking his chest.

“They can’t come in the diner like they own the place and not expect us to take exception to it,” Michael tells everyone.

“Hey Michael, do you need more ice? I didn’t mean to kick you that hard,” Vicky tells him.

I look over as Michael stood up with a huge wet spot on his pants. Even I was wincing at what Vicky obviously kicked. CJ seemed to think the girls had their fun and hauled them out of their chairs as Debra asked if this was how the police treat people not related to a detective in their precinct.

“Ma’am, according to all the statements, your little group started it all. Regardless of what the girls did, or didn’t do, depending on who told us, it doesn’t give any of you the right to touch them,” He tells Debra. “With the many times we’ve had to haul you, your son, Ms. Peterson, and Ms. Marcus in, it just leads us to believe you were the problem, like you’ve been for the last year,” He tells them.

“It’s all Brian’s fault,” Michael tells him.

“Our little brother must have amazing skills, he managed to cause all your problems by getting the fuck away from you,” CJ tells them. “I think it’s time to go, otherwise I’ll be the one you arrest,” He tells us.

BRIAN

Justin convinced me we needed to go shopping for things Gus would eat. He didn’t think take-out was the way to go. I went with him to the grocery store, so I had a reason to stay with him. I’d already let Cynthia know I was going to take the time to get to know my family, which left me with nothing I had to do for the next few days. I wanted to spend it not just with my brother and sister, but the family I hoped to make with Justin and Lily.

I couldn’t really explain why I felt like I needed Justin as more than Lily’s father and a possible friend. It was something I never experienced before, he made it easier to breathe when I was with him. There wasn’t anything complicated about being with him. I made sure he understood that I’m far from perfect, almost as imperfect as anyone could be. I didn’t want him to think when I acted distant it was anything he did, so I talked about it, and he didn’t act like I was defective because of something I hate about myself. I got what Ted felt when he talked to Justin; it wasn’t a long discussion on why I can’t always deal with my past, it was a grain of sand or a rope to the shore when he told me to let him know what I needed from him. I was wrong, love does happen as fast as it decided, not what you decide.

Here I am following the man who means more than anyone has ever meant to me, just because he wants my son and I have what we need. I plan to give him the time he needs to see that Gus and I belong with him, and that he and Lily couldn’t have anyone love them more than we do. I grabbed a box of diapers to replace the hole left when he used the one in my perfect wall.

“Those go to your house,” He tells me, walking away.

BRIAN

Carl went to get everyone from the airport, while Emmett went crazy with lunch. I asked Justin to keep Gus away until everyone met, because it could overwhelm him. My mom tried to say she could go find something to do, but I wanted her to get over being scared of what my other family might think of her. Peter and John were watching TV, probably thinking they were in the way too. They didn't get that if we were going to all be a family, it was important to me that they felt welcome too.

“Are you dating Lily’s dad?” Peter asks.

“We’re getting to know each other,” I tell him.

“Is that why you're staying with him, instead of here?” John asks.

“It will be easier for Justin if I help with Lily,” I tell him, as Emmett rolls his eyes.

“Brian, just admit you're into him,” Emmett tells me.

“We like him,” Peter tells me.

“You've barely said two words to him,” John tells him.

“Uncle Brian smiles more when he comes home after seeing him,” Peter tells us.

“You do, but he does the same for me,” Ted tells me.

“Did you just growl?” John asks.

I didn’t have to answer when my sister came flying through the door. Carl shook his head but let her go.

“Dad actually said I should have left it alone. Like they didn’t deserve to be shown what happens when you treat anyone badly,” She tells me.

“I draw the line when my precinct ends up involved,” Carl tells us.

“We were leaving, it was Blondie who thought CJ would even look twice at someone like her,” Diana huffs.

“Hello, I'm Edward, the man crazy enough to marry Vicky,”

“Hello, I'm not the bag carrier,” Comes a gruff voice when two boys run past Carl.

“Dad, we wanted to meet the kids. Hi, you kinda look like my dad,”

“Gil, why not at least introduce yourself,” Carl tell him.

“Sorry, I was just excited, that's Jason,” Gil tells me.

“I'm still waiting, never mind. At least someone cares about me,” CJ yells from outside.

Gus came in, holding my brother's hand, with Justin and Lily behind them. “Gus said he wanted to come,” Justin tells me, staring at CJ.

“We came to meet this special boy in our life,” CJ tells Gus, who smiled up at him.

“Yes we did, your cousins were as thrilled as I was,” Vicky tells Gus, getting on her knees to look at him.

“What about Lily?” He asks them.

“Can you introduce me?” Vicky asks.

“Daddy, they want to see Lily,” Gus tells Justin.

“Oh God. CJ, I want one,” Diana tells him, rubbing Lily’s head. “She’s beautiful,” She tells Justin.

“I named her,” Gus tells Diana.

“Gus thought Lily was as pretty as the flower. Hi, I’m Justin,”

“You picked a good name,” Vicky tells him.

“How about we eat and talk, I made a little of everything, I’m Emmett, that’s Ted, Peter, John, and our adopted mom Joan, Shelly will be back in a sec, I ran out of sour cream for the dip,” Emmett tells them.

CJ and I sized each other up at first, he let Gus go sit with the boys, coming towards me. I didn’t know what to think when he wrapped his arms around me.”Welcome home, Brian,” He tells me.

Everyone else went to the kitchen, while I let my brother look at me. We followed, not saying much. I walked up behind Justin and watched Lily drinking her bottle until I got my emotions under control. Justin turned to me and kissed me, handing me Lily as if knowing I needed to have my attention on her for a couple of minutes.

Everyone started making plates, just getting to know each other. They all were giving me time before we talked. Justin started to walk over to where Gus was, but I wanted him to stay and meet the people who would be part of Lily’s life, and his.

“Justin, how did you meet Brian? Dad made it sound like you met and Lily appeared,” CJ asked him.

“That’s really what happened. I wanted a hot dog, ended up in labor, with three men and Gus there to help me get to the hospital,” Justin tells him.

“Then how did you know Brian was the father?” Vicky asks, confused, as we laugh.

“I found out that he got the donation I made when I needed books for college,” I tell her.

“I thought they kept that confidential?” Edward asks.

“They do, but Brian managed to get them to put his file under the numbers he wanted,” Emmett tells him.

“It still doesn’t explain how you figured it out,” Diana tells us.

“I got bored reading the stats, and was messing around with the numbers, his stood out because of what they spelled,” Justin tells her, handing her the phone with the numbers in the window.

“Oh!” Diana laughs.

“What?” Vicky ask her. Diana whispered to her and Vicky made the boys jump across the room when she exploded into laughter.

“I’m proud, and sort of weirded out by that,” She tells me.

CJ and Edward grab the phone and Diana waits to see if they figure it out. “Seriously?” CJ asks.

“I don’t want to know, do I?” Mom asks.

“No mother wants to know,” Diana tells her, still giggling.

Shelly came through the door, then stopped, looking at CJ and then me.”You must have been a regular Romeo in your day,” She tells Carl.

“He turned heads everywhere,” Mom said casually.

“Did I?” Carl ask her.

“You knew you did, women constantly watched you,” Mom tells him.

“CJ gets that a lot,” Edward tells us, when Carl and Mom went quiet.

“Brian turned everyone’s head,” Ted tells them.

“CJ used to ask me all the time why girls were so clumsy,” Vicky giggles. “I really think it was why I was so popular in school, all the girls wanted to watch ‘The God’, slumming it on the couch,”

“Right, and I had to threaten my friends when they looked at you,” CJ tells her, getting up and getting the boys drinks when they asked for them.

It came so naturally to all of them, it wasn’t easy to watch what I missed by not knowing my family. I felt a hand reach for mine, Justin just answered my question, not looking at me, just letting me know he was there.

JUSTIN

CJ followed us to my house, so he could find his way when he wanted to come over. Brian took Gus and Lily to bed, while I got the bottle ready for him. CJ sat on the stool.

“You paint, Diana would probably love to see it,” He tells me.

“Brian likes it,” I tell him.

“I don’t think that’s all he likes,” He tells me.

“Does it bother you?” I ask.

“Only if you hurt him. I don’t like that we weren’t there for him,” He tells me.

“He’s going to be a part of my life, and I want it so that Gus and Lily never see us as anything but the parents who love them. To me that means that we don’t hurt each other, because it just hurts the kids,” I tell him.

“Sounds like you have experience with that,” He tells me.

“Your father understands something a lot of parents of gay children don’t. Mine hated it so much that there isn’t anything left for me to see him as but the guy who donated to my creation. Your brother was taking care of Lily before he even knew she was his. He might not have been raised by Carl, but somehow they love the same way,” I tell him.

“I noticed he got quiet a few times,” He tells me.

“If Brian wants to tell you, it’s up to him to do it,” I tell him.

“I plan for him to know, that unlike the bunch Diana and Vicky decided to take on, this family doesn’t stand back and let people fuck with us,” He tells me, as Brian comes in with Lily to get the bottle.

“I don’t let anyone screw with my family either,” I tell him.

“Good, then we all understand each other,” He tells me.

“I didn’t back away from the fight. I chose not to do something they could use as me being a violent asshole who wouldn’t take care of Ted or Gus. I had to sit back and let them say bullshit about me, because Gus being with me was all that mattered,” Brian tells him.

“I didn’t mean for you to think I saw what you did as weak. It was probably stronger than I’ve ever been, by not giving them a way to use your anger against you. It couldn’t have been easy to do when they were likely lying through their teeth about you,” He tells Brian.

“I hit Michael, which was brought up as my potential to be an abusive father to Gus,” Brian tells him.

“Vicky didn’t think you hit him in the right place, so she tried to relocate his balls to his throat. I really have to ask Edward why he taught her that one,” He tells us, so we all know not to piss off Vicky.

“We’ll teach you too, so no one will ever hurt you,” Brian tells Lily, losing interest in anything but our daughter.

“I’m going to give in, I need a Lily,” CJ melts at the idea.

“When you do I have all the diapers you could use,” I tell him.

He looked at the wall. “Doubtful, you’ll probably need more,” CJ tells me, as Brian smirks at me.

 BRIAN

Justin was up with Lily, feeding her, and it woke me up. I fell asleep watching the news on the couch, because it felt strange sleeping somewhere that I didn’t own. I planned to get up and run with CJ in the morning, since I hadn’t really been exercising much lately and had been eating way too much between my place and Jusitn’s. Justin passed the couch, wincing when I sat up rubbing my face.

“Sorry, I’m used to making noise,” He tells me.

“Where is Lily?” I ask.

“She just needed a change, fell right back to sleep. Gus is still sleeping too,” He tells me, looking through the refrigerator.

“You can go to bed, I’ll probably be up if she needs anything,” I tell him.

“Are you having problems sleeping here?” He asks.

“I fell asleep already, but I don’t really sleep much anyway,” I tell him.

“I’m not really tired either, my mind is going wild with ideas for paintings. I like your family, they’re the ones you always hear about,” He tells me.

“Join the club. Until recently unless it was a sitcom, a family like that didn’t really exist in my head. I thought for awhile that what I had with Debra was real, but it turned into another joke on me,” I tell him, feeling the pull to run from this.

Justin stood in front of me, lifting my face to look at him. “No, it’s on her, because she’ll never be able to compare to the people who are sleeping in your home. She’ll live her dreary little life, telling herself it’s everyone else that causes her problems and you’ll live a life with people who understand that we make our lives what they are. If anything, you get to be the one who has everything, while they sit on the sidelines, bitching about how unfair life was to them,” He tells me.

“You constantly make it better, even when I can’t see how it is,” I tell him.

“I only tell you how I see it from an outside point of view,” He tells me.

I pulled him down and laid him beside me on the couch, I wanted to hold him. He was becoming an anchor to keep me from believing the crap that my head came up with. “I want us to be together, so when you need someone to keep you from going under, I can do that for you,” I tell him.

“We all need that Brian,” He tells me, pulling my arms tighter around him.

TED

It was one of those night where I felt out of place in my world. I couldn’t stay in the house, because my mind was screaming to get away. I didn’t know where to go or even what to do to stop it. Alex told me it wouldn’t be as easy as it seemed lately, but I was fooling myself into believing that I could just handle it. I know if I called, Alex wouldn’t be pissed, but I wanted to be able to do it without help. I walked out of the house at three in the morning, not knowing where I was going to head, but needing to move before I called Michael and let him fuck with my head again.

“Where are you going?” I heard from behind me.

“Shit, you scared me. Just thought I’d go get some coffee at the all night place here,” I tell Edward.

“I can come with you, if you don’t mind,” He tells me.

“I’m sure you’d rather sleep,” I tell him, just wanting to get away.

“I can never go back to sleep once I wake up. I want to let Vicky sleep, since she’s dealing with the pregnancy. If you’d rather be alone, it’s okay,” He tells me.

“It might be a bad idea, because I tend to get stupid ideas when I'm alone,” I tell him.

“That's normally when I bail Vicky out of her latest idea," He tells me.

I waited while he got ready, not really sure if he understood what he was getting himself into with me. We walked to the place I haunt when I needed to escape. The waitress just waved as I went to my usual seat. Edward sat down, pulling out the menu, not talking to fill the void. It made me want to say something, because silence is a place that causes me start hearing Michael in my head.

“How do you like Brian?” I ask, when I couldn’t come up with anything else.

“It's weird to see a copy of CJ, well, only that they share the same features. I hate that he grew up without his family to help him, but other than that, I think I like him,” He tells me.

“I didn’t when I first met him,” I tell him.

“Why? You don’t have to tell me. I'm just curious, since you seem close to him now,” He tells me.

“He was everything I wasn’t. I thought I was in love with a guy who claimed to be Brian’s best friend, and that Brian was an obstacle in the way. It came from watching the way the person I thought was a close friend had to deal with her girlfriend putting Brian in every argument they have,” I tell him.

“The only obstacles in any relationship come from the people in that relationship. Vicky and I could have let what other people thought about us being together hurt our relationship, but in the end it was up to us to want each other,” He tells me.

“You’re acting like any of what I thought made sense. It was easier to see him as the problem, and not the the people we wanted. Lindsay and Michael wanted Brian to be the person they could look to and say there’s the real asshole. I know that Emmett and I didn’t take the time to know him, because Brian always seemed as if he didn’t want us around him. It’s different now with Brian than it was in the beginning. I think I sort of knew he was the one I could trust,” I tell him.

“You trusted someone you claim that you didn’t even like?” He asked.

“He saved me when I didn’t want to be saved, and wouldn’t let me wallow in self pity. Which says a lot about him, since at the same time he was dealing with Jack, and the girls neglect of Gus too,” I tell him.

“He and CJ have that in common, they will both fight for people,” He tells me.

“At the time, I hated him when he wouldn’t let me go,” I admit.

“He must have really cared if he didn’t give you what you probably believed you wanted,” He tells me.

“He does, but hates for anyone to be grateful,” I tell him.

“I wouldn’t like people acting like my caring was anything more than what they should expect from me. It makes it seem like we were only doing things for the praise,” He tells me.

“Michael always wanted to hear praise for anything he did. Like you should be grateful for anything he did it for you,” I tell him.

“I’ve heard about that clan, and I have to tell you, they really sound like a bunch of assholes. At least you had the sense to get away from them,” He tells me.

“I really didn’t get away on my own, Brian is in control of my life, until I manage to get it together,” I tell him.

“What makes it so you can’t?” He asks.

“Do you really want to know, or is this just ‘keep Ted from doing stupid shit’, per Emmett?” I ask.

“Emmett didn’t say anything to me. I don’t ask unless I want to know,” He tells me.

“I want to believe Michael had to love me, but the way he reacted to what I did, well, it really doesn’t leave much room for that belief,” I tell him.

“What was his reaction to what you did?” He asks me.

“He said that cutting my arms open was just to get attention,” I tell him.

“Unless you did it in front of him, I don’t see where he could have come up with that,” He tells me.

“You don’t see it as selfish?” I ask.

“I see it for what it is, a cry for the pain to end. Only you survived, and now you know the guy for the asshole he is, it’s time to get your head to understand that,” He tells me.

“I’m working on it, but like tonight, the voices got too loud,” I tell him.

“You have a whole family here, and the family Brian brings with him. If you just need someone to drown out the noise, pick one of us, we can be louder,” He tells me.

BRIAN

I let Justin sleep, and got Lily when she wanted to be fed at six in the morning. CJ came and sat next to me on the steps, smiling at Lily.

“I was going to run around the block first, then come get you,” He tells me.

“I don’t really sleep a lot,” I tell him.

“I’m used to being up and moving before anyone in my house. Normally I’m making breakfast for the boys,” He tells me.

“I’m normally dealing with Gus being cranky because he didn’t sleep through the night, which lately hasn’t been much of a problem, but now, it gives me time with Lily,” I tell him.

“You love being a father, don’t you?” He asks.

“It was easy to do when you fall in love with them the minute you hold them,” I tell him.

“Even without knowing you were Lily’s father?” He asks.

“At first, I just thought it was because somehow it got Gus to come out of his shell, but there was just something about her that made it hard for me to walk away from her. Justin would have likely thought I was insane if he knew the thoughts in my head. He didn’t even act like there was anything wrong with Gus and I staying with him at the hospital until he was released,” I tell him.

“You didn’t go home?” He asks.

“I only left long enough to go to work, otherwise we stayed with him. I couldn’t leave you,” I tell Lily.

“Still can’t, from what I see,” CJ tells me, running a finger down Lily’s cheek.

We were watching Lily and didn’t see Justin at first. “Sit still for a minute,” He tells us, running in and coming out with a camera. “I want this to be something for Lily one day,” He tells me, taking pictures of us.

“I want to take a picture,” Gus says from the door.

“Sit on your uncle's lap,” Justin told him.

Justin took pictures with all of us before Gus said we needed one with Daddy in it. CJ got up and took the camera and Justin sat with us, holding Gus. It was something for Gus to see one day, something I didn’t have for him and Justin did, without knowing what he did. I leaned over and kissed the man who did things without realizing what he was doing.

ALEX

I came for Brian’s and Ted’s appointments. Even with everyone visiting, they both knew it didn’t change seeing them as scheduled. Brian asked that we do it at Justin’s house, because his house was full of people. Justin answered the door, about to leave with Lily and Gus. I watched as Brian kissed them all before they left. It was a Brian I always believed existed, but had never seen before.

Brian led me to the living room and offered me a drink, making himself at home in Justin’s house.

“How’s fatherhood?” I ask.

“Better when the other parent treats my kids the way I wanted for them,” He tells me.

“I'm assuming you and Justin are working towards doing it together,” I tell him.

“It’s what I want,” He tells me.

“Any problems?” I ask.

“I still don't sleep much, but it gives me one on one time with Lily,” He tells me.

“Gus isn’t having problems with sharing you?” I ask.

“He thinks Justin’s his dad too, he’s happy having two parents. It helps that Justin loves Gus. He's able to have one of us if the other needs to pay attention to Lily,” He tells me.

“How are you handling it when your flight response happens?” I ask.

“It’s not like is was in the past, I’ve had a few moments where I wanted to lash out because I say things I hate saying out loud. I haven’t though, because Justin doesn’t react in any way that makes me feel like he sees me as less,” He tells me.

“You aren’t less for being human. How has meeting your family been?” I ask, because I can tell he’s not comfortable continuing about Justin.

“It’s been okay, I like them. Gus is comfortable with them so far,” He tells me.

“Do you see continuing to see them?”

“I don’t think I have a choice, not that I mind,” He tells me.

“You always have a choice, but it sounds like you made it. Can we talk about Justin for a minute?” I ask him.

“Why?” He asks.

“I wanted you to tell me why, instead of your family staying here you moved you and Gus in here?” I ask.

“I missed everything with Gus, but I have a chance to do it with both Lily and Gus. It makes it easier to be here,” He tells me.

“Are you having any doubts? Because it would be normal, as fast as your life is changing lately,” I ask.

“I'm hoping not to do something like I would in the past if someone gets too close, but the urge to trick hasn’t been a problem. With Gus, Ted, and Jack I still wanted to escape in the old ways. Right now I don’t even mind that Justin hasn’t brought up sex. I want it, but with him,” He tells me.

“As things get better, your life will leave room for things you used to do. You’ll need to decide if you want what you used the tricks, drinking, and drugs for, or not,” I tell him.

“I used tricks because I wanted sex,” He argues.

“I’m sure that’s part of why, but tricks aren’t someone who can get close to you. They aren’t going to have time to question anything you don’t want to answer. It was a way to have the closeness without it becoming anything more. If you want a relationship, you have to see it for what it was,” I tell him.

“Justin’s different, because he knows all the things I never talked about to anyone, including you,” He tells me.

“Make sure you keep talking then, so there will never be a way anyone could hurt what you’re building with him,” I tell him.

“Those problems aren’t here, and I plan to keep it that way,” He tells me.

“Lindsay, Mel, Debra, and Michael will try, you know that, but if Justin knows what to expect, they won’t have the power to hurt what you and he are working towards. Which is something I need to talk to you about. Vic came to see me. He overheard Lindsay talking, and didn’t want you caught off-guard if Lindsay convinced her father to treat her and Mel to a trip here. Apparently her father isn’t happy to hear about them being arrested multiple times in the last couple of weeks and thinks it’s a good idea that Lindsay and Mel get away and cause problems away from people they know,” I tell him.

“Coming here isn’t going to do anything but have me showing them what New York jail cells look like. Nancy knows, because in the agreement we made the girls sign, it said they couldn’t come near Gus until he was eighteen. It was the only thing Nancy ever did for Gus that I can say showed she gave a shit about him,” I tell him.

“You never said that Nancy helped you,” I tell him.

“I never understood why she did, and then threw money at Mel and Lindsay, which caused all the problems in the first place,” He tells me.

“I could find out if you want me to, and warn her what Ron wants to do,” I tell him.

“If you think it will keep them away, go for it. Nancy will only tell you what she wants you to know or believe was her reason for doing anything,” He tells me.

“I have a lot of experience in that area,” I tell him, smirking.

“Are we done?” He asks, then knows what it takes for us to be done. “It’s not my fault, it never was,” Brian tells me, really believing it this time.

Brian let Ted in and told me he was going to show his sister where to shop. I could see the relief on Ted’s face that Brian found someone other than him to drag from store to store.

“At least she likes to shop. I would rather be boiled in oil then watch him preen in the mirror,” Ted jokes.

“How are you?” I ask.

“Better, then worse, but better seems to win most days. I had a bad night, but Edward made it easy to talk,” He tells me.

“You’ll have times like that. What did Edward say that helped?” I ask.

“It was more that he just talked the way Justin does; no judgement, just talked. It was strange to hear he and his wife were still dealing with prejudice,” He tells me.

“Even with all the changes in the world there will always be narrow minded people. It’s up to us if we let them affect our lives. What happened the night you and Edward talked?” I ask.

“I’d been working, and in general having a good day. I got out of bed that morning, not feeling the pull to stay there all day. I helped get everything ready for CJ and Vicky to stay with us. Until I was alone, about to go to bed, everything was fine. I started thinking about how lucky Brian was to have all those people wanting to love him, and it brought back Michael and my parents, who said they loved me, but only showed it when I did what they wanted. It made me feel like I was wrong for not doing what they wanted and felt that it was the reason I couldn’t be loved. I didn’t call Michael, but I wanted to, instead, I planned to just sit at the all night diner until it passed. Edward offered to come and we sat there talking about Brian and I told him about me,” He tells me.

“Did it make what was causing you to panic, ease?” I ask.

“It made it so I looked at the way you and I talk about it. Seeing it as a part of my past. A part that didn’t disappear but was something to look at and learn from. Edward wasn’t offering me advice but a way to quiet Michael screaming in my head. He told me they could talk louder,” He smiles.

“You know you can call me night or day, but I’m glad you found a way help yourself. It’s a step to reclaiming your independence,” I tell him.

“I want that, but it still scares me at the same time. With Brian being in control of what I do, it's easier,” He tells me.

“I order for you to continue to progress, it means being in control of your life. Yes, it's easier when someone else is making your decisions, but it also gives you a way to avoid blame for anything you do. Loving Michael wouldn’t have been a bad decision, if he'd been capable of returning your love. You need to understand that he was just a bad choice for a partner. One day you'll find a person who, pardon the pun, doesn’t give love a bad name,” I tell him.

“Which he did, played games while I played the part,” He tells me, agreeing.

“I want to give you an assignment this time, go out and meet other people. See a life outside of the one that only includes Brian, Shelly, and Emmett. You need to start opening yourself up to friendship and seeing that there are people out there who aren’t like the people in your past,” I tell him.

“I just hate telling people what happened,” He tells me.

“Unless a new friend is someone you trust to share that with, there's no reason to tell them about it. You're in a city where you can go to see the operas that feed your soul, but I haven’t heard that you went to one. It's time to give your heart the music it's missing, because loving things scares you,” I tell him.

JUSTIN

I love how CJ pretends he hates carrying all the bags while his wife tries on clothes. He can pretend all he wants, but we all see the way he trips over his tongue seeing the clothes she asks his opinion on. Edward just pays, saying as long as Vicky likes it, it doesn't matter, because she knows the outfit isn’t why he loves her. I have to admit he’s right, because Brian could wear a garbage bag and it wouldn't change anything about his appeal. I want him, but right now it's more about my body still recovering from Lily. I want to be back to what I looked like before, and confident in the way I look.

The kids wanted lunch, and for a second Gus froze when Gil called Diana ‘Mom’, begging to get a burger, and not something healthy. Brian and Emmett looked prepared to get him away, but they both waited to see how he dealt with it.

“Only because I love to make you happy, I'll sacrifice my diet.” She tells Gil, hugging him. “What about you Gus, want to help me gain a few pounds?” She asks him.

“I like chicken nuggets,” Jason tells Gus.

Gus looked at Brian and then at all the other kids, before asking for the meal with the toy. I felt the same relief Brian and Emmett did when he got through it without getting upset.

“What just happened?” CJ asked us, when the kids went with the girls.

“Gus associated the title ‘Mom’ as a bad thing,” Emmett tells him.

“Because of his mother?” He asks.

“It didn’t help that Debra tried to make it sound like Lindsay and Mel were only being good mothers. Gus was getting a triple dose of bad examples of mothers. My mom wasn't in a place to show him any different, with all the other things going on,” Brian tells him.

“She's also his grandmother, which makes her not a mother in his eyes. You gave him a reason to trust in fathers, now it's something Diana and Vicky can help with, making him see that mothers are different,” Edward tells us.

“At least it isn't Claire,” Emmett tells us.

“Your other sister?” CJ asks.

“Just someone I share DNA with, she doesn't get the title either,” Brian tells him.

“Don’t worry, Vicky and Diana hate sharing it anyway,” CJ tells him.

“There's a new wrinkle that Alex told me about, Lindsay plans to come here,” Brian tells us.

“Why? Please tell me they aren’t inviting the others,” Emmett tells him, getting worried.

“We know why she'd want to come here, but if she'll bring the other two with her and Mel, I don't know. I don't want the process Gus is making to change by seeing any of them,” Brian tells us.

“I guess moving in with me keeps that from happening. They don't know about me,” I tell him.

“I didn’t do that for any reason but because I wanted to be with you,” He tells me.

ALEX

I called Nancy, asking if we could talk. She tried to tell me she was busy and didn’t have the time. I let her know it was about Gus, and she cleared her schedule and asked to meet in my office, alone. I’ve never known what to make of Lindsay’s mother. Nancy, to me, seemed disinterested in the whole thing with Brian and Gus. And now I know there was some reason she showed up and made sure Gus was where he needed to be. From the outside it would seem like she didn’t want a reminder of Lindsay’s indiscretions. It could still be that, if she walks out not caring what Lindsay could do to Gus by continuing to screw with Brian.

She came in with the air of not appreciating my interruption to her day. It’s just, I’ve dealt with Brian, and know it’s all for show.

“Why did you call me?” She asks.

“I wanted to let you know Lindsay thinks you and Ron are going to finance a trip to New York for her,” I tell her, and for a second she looked upset, but covered it.

“I’m sure Lindsay would think we’d finance a world tour, it doesn’t mean we will,” She tells me.

“Don’t you mean you won’t, but how sure are you that Ron won’t?” I ask her.

“I’ll speak to Ron, if that’s all you need,” She tells me, getting up.

“I want to know why you did the things you did. Brian told me that I wouldn’t get an answer unless it’s what you want me to believe,” I tell her.

“He’s a smart young man,” She tells me.

“He is, but it worries me that you were there to smooth the way. You never seemed interested in Gus before,” I tell her.

“Why do you want to know?” She asks.

“Because it will be more than Gus getting hurt if Lindsay goes there, Brian has another child now,” I tell her.

“I helped him because Gus needed Brian,” She tells me.

“But not you, or anyone related to you?” I ask.

“Not me, or anyone I raised, or anyone they married,” She corrects.

“I had a theory, you could tell me if it’s wrong,” I tell her.

“Sure, I have no problem telling people they're wrong,” She smiles.

“If Brian had been straight and married Lindsay, you still wouldn’t have approved,” I tell her.

“No. But not for the reason you think. It’s the same with Mel. I don’t approve, but not because she’s a lesbian,” She tells me.

“What other reason would there be?” I ask.

“Mel no longer stood by her beliefs, because she wanted Lindsay. She went from a tough as nails advocate for families who suffered because of making the wrong choices in the people they married or had children with, to become like the people she was fighting, all for the love of Lindsay. In truth, anyone who chose to be with my daughter wouldn’t get my approval,” She tells me.

“You didn’t tell me if you would have approved of Brian,” I tell her.

“Why bother with a scenario that wouldn’t have happened. Lindsay never loved Brian, all she saw was someone who would be successful one day. Someone who could give her what Ron gave us in life. She brought him around to get us to react to him. I wonder what she would have thought of my real reaction to Brian Kinney,” She tells me.

“Which was?” I ask her.

“He was the only friend she had that I liked,” She tells me.

“Liked enough to help him get full custody of Gus?” I asked.

“I really did that for the child, he didn’t deserve what I raised. Maybe it’s my theory that one day Gus will show us what Lindsay could have been like, if she had parents who loved her the way Brian loves him. It’s more likely I didn’t want to see the Peterson name on the front pages that the country club loves to read and gossip about. I’ll talk to Ron, tell Brian to do what he needs to,” She tells me, leaving.

Brian was wrong, she will tell you why, just offer alternatives that would be more believable.

BRIAN

We got the kids to bed after we all played tourist with my family. Peter and John spent the day asking CJ about being in the Air Force. He answered without making them feel like they were bothering him. Shelly, Mom, and Carl were busy with Gus and Lily. Justin had an appointment with a gallery, and met us at lunch, excited because they wanted to do a show with him and two other artists. Diana and Vicky let him know they wanted invites to come. Justin was at a loss, and told them he would make sure to send them one, then went to get Lily. I waited to see if he would tell me why he reacted as if they wouldn’t be interested. He was sketching when I came out of the shower. I looked over his shoulder, and it was Carl and my mother, walking with all the kids around the park today.

“You keep drawing things I want,” I tell him, sitting next to him.

“Seeing this makes you want to immortalize it,” He tells me.

“My sisters will most likely fight over who wants it,” I tell him.

“Which is sweet of them,” He tells me.

“I think it’s more liking what you do,” I tell him.

“I haven’t had anyone interested in my life other than Daphne. When they asked to come support me, it caught me off guard. I want to steal your sisters,” He tells me.

“I’ll share, but then you have to share Daphne too,” I joke.

“Daphne, Vicky, and Diana, sounds likes a scary combination. You think Vicky is wild, Daph could probably teach her things Vicky hasn’t done yet, and vise versa,” He tells me.

“Justin, if Lindsay comes here, I need you to keep Lily and Gus away. It’s easier on me when I know Gus is safe with you,” I tell him.

“Why would she want to come here? You said to Emmett that you two knew why,” He asks.

“She was always able to get me to do what she wanted. When we fought with each other, eventually I let it go, and Lindsay doesn’t see what happened with Gus any differently. She’d come and put on a show of apologizing, while thinking of a way for me to make it up to her,” I tell him.

“She doesn’t understand that what she did was unforgivable?” He asks, confused.

“They told everyone that I was supposed to get Gus that night, and it was only a one time thing. The doctors Gus saw didn’t agree. Lindsay believes it’s my fault, because I wouldn’t pay for a nanny, after she told me she didn’t want one because that’s how she was raised. She and Mel came to me saying they refused help from me because Lindsay was going to stay home for the first five years. I agreed, because it kept Gus from having to be with strangers,” I tell him.

“I don’t get why they expected you to help,” He tells me.

“Lindsay knew about my childhood, and like I told you, I wanted my child to have everything I never did. We agreed to support, and I paid without asking where it was going. My only excuse was they never gave me a reason to think they weren’t going to take care of Gus,” I tell him.

“She’d come here thinking that she could convince you to support her and her wife again, that’s what you mean?” He asks me.

“No. Lindsay would kick Mel to the curb if she could get me to agree to pay her to do it. Mel doesn’t know the woman I do. Lindsay and Michael treat the people in their lives the same,” I tell him.

“Am I supposed to feel bad for Mel?” He asks.

“I don’t, because she didn’t do anything for Gus. Whatever Lindsay does to Mel, Mel brought on herself,” I tell him.

Pulling the sketchbook out of his hands and laying it aside, I leaned back and took him with me. I liked when we talked, but I liked it better when we were touching each other.

“If they come here, I promise they won’t see Gus,” He tells me, getting comfortable.

LINDSAY

Mel and I managed to have a party that wasn’t being raided again. I woke up on the floor, next to others who must have passed out after me. I went upstairs, not thrilled to see holes in the wall. I could only get Sam to pay for so much, before he got tired of it. Passing by the bed I see Tricia managed to find her way into bed with Mel again. I didn’t like that the two of them were spending every chance they got to screw each other. Mel belonged to me, not some assistant, thinking she was going to have my job one day, in every capacity.

I threw Tricia’s bargain basement clothes at her to wake her up. “Out,” I ordered her.

“Leave Tricia alone, we just got to sleep," Mel tells me.

“Sure, I’ll leave Tricia and you alone, Sam would love for me to leave you figuring out how to support yourself,” I sneer, when she didn’t kick the bitch out.

“You and all his other muses, you really aren’t that great in bed,” Tricia snickers, along with Mel.

“It takes wanting to be touched by the person who touches me, otherwise I don’t really get the point in fucking someone. Sam said fucking you made staying hard a chore,” I tell Tricia, watching Mel get upset, poor baby. “I guess Mel’s vibrator didn’t do it for you either,” I tell her, walking away.

I giggled when Mel realized her new pet wanted dick just as much as I did, but I had a father to see about a trip. Maybe Sam would like to go with me. Mel could just stay here and worry about if I was coming back or not.

I timed my arrival at my parents for when Mommy would be at the club. I didn’t have time to listen to her lecture me that they weren’t here to support a grown woman. Daddy would rather just hand over the money and skip the bonding experience. I walked in to Mother and Daddy eating lunch together.

“Lindsay, your father told me you planned a trip,” Mother says, in the tone that made it sound like it wasn’t going to happen.

“I wanted to scout out new artists for Sydney. I thought Mel and I could have a vacation too,” I tell her.

“So why isn’t Sydney paying for you to do your job?” She asks.

“He will, but I wanted Mel to come,” I tell her.

“Then Mel’s family can loan you the money, not us,” Mother tells me and Daddy.

“Nancy, Lindsay needs to get away after what happened,” Daddy tells her.

“Does she Ron, or are you once again avoiding dealing with our daughter?” Mother tells him.

“He likes to see me happy, which lately, you don’t,” I tell her.

“Ron, don’t you have a golf game with our son-in-law?” She asks him.

“I do, sorry to run out on you,” He tells me, kissing my cheek and leaving me with my mother.

“I’ll pay for a vacation for you but it will be anywhere but New York. After you come back from it, you and Mel need to figure out how to support yourselves, your father and I are done,” She tells me.

“It’s not possible for me to go somewhere else, artists are in New York,” I tell her.

“I know what’s in New York, and I also know that Sydney didn’t ask you to go there or offer to pay for it. Leave the child alone, you did enough to him and the father,” She tells me.

“He doesn’t get to screw with my life,” I tell her.

“He didn’t. You did that all on your own. Take my offer, it’s the last one you get from me or your father,” She tells me.

“Daddy will give me what I want,” I tell her.

“If he does, the house and all the money that I brought into this marriage is gone. I doubt you mean more to him than everything he married me for. Try it Lindsay, and you’ll find out Brian isn’t the only one who will walk away from you,” She tells me, picking up her tennis racket and ushering me out the door.

“Off to show everyone you’re the best at everything? Must make it hard for you to have anyone wanting to play with you,” I tell her.

“Do you want to know why you never win? It’s because you constantly pick the wrong partners. Off to win another game,” She tells me, smiling.  

JUSTIN

I went to meet with the owner of the gallery who wanted to show my work. He invited me to have lunch with another artist who asked to meet me. They were seated when I got there, so I made my way to the table. Wes made a big production of introducing me to Sam Auerbach, but not to the woman sitting with them. I've heard of Sam, and how anyone on his arm was only around until he got bored with them. I wasn’t surprised when Sam ignored her, and waited for him to introduce her.

“Wes speaks highly of you,” Sam tells me.

“So did you when you saw his work,” Wes reminds him.

“It's impressive Justin, you don’t recreate the same types of styles over and over. When Wes told me how young you were, I didn’t believe him. You're doing things I was still trying to do at your age,” Sam tells me.

“I doubt you couldn’t do what he's doing,” She tells him, looking down her nose at me.

“I wanted to see if you'd allow me to use a few of your pieces in my show, it would complement and contrast with mine. It will give you the exposure that your work deserves,” Sam tells me, ignoring her and her comment.

“I told him you already had a show to work on but he insisted on talking to you,” Wes tells me.

“The paintings I want to show with mine, you already have hanging at Wes’s gallery. I'd love to see some of you other work too. Your talent needs to be seen,” Sam tells me.

“It's not done Sam. People come to see your work, not an unknown,” She tells him.

“Ignore her,” Sam glares at her. “I'm assuming you've seen my work, and could see how putting your pieces in my show could draw a crowd,” He tells me.

“You draw them already. Why add me when you don't need it?” I ask.

“At least he sees that his work couldn’t compare to yours,” She tells him, rolling her eyes.

“Linds, you're sitting across from the next big artist New York produced. Unlike you, I understand what I saw at Wes’s gallery. Like I said Justin, ignore her, if she keeps talking it might mean going back to her dreary little gallery and hanging the crap she calls art,” Sam tells us.

“It's up to you Justin. Sam offered to let you see what he's working on, and see if you agree with him about showing together,” Wes tells me, ignoring the pissed off blonde at the table.

“We could go now,” Sam offers.

“He gets to see and I don't?” Linds fumes.

“I would love to, if we could do it another day. My boyfriend's extended family made plans to have a picnic in the park after I got finished here. We've been trying to cram everything in while they’re here,” I tell him.

“How's the baby?” Wes asks.

“Lily is enjoying having attention from her new family on my boyfriend's side,” I tell him.

“Ethan showed up with some people, bitching about some guy he saw you with. I really enjoyed kicking him out. Although I was surprised to hear you were dating,” Wes tells me.

“I was surprised myself, but it's great to have the other father involved. Lily has a brother, uncles, aunts, and grandparents now,” I tell him.

“Wes mentioned you just had a baby. Congratulations. It's something I see doing in the future,” Sam tells me. Linds seemed happy to hear it.

“If only you had met my lambskin, we could've raised him together,” She tells him.

“When I say having a baby, that would mean with someone who thinks about more than what I would get raped for by you,” Sam tells her.

I got up, deciding this was not an argument we needed to be here for. “I’ll get with Wes about a time to see your work.” I tell him.

“You think I would only have a baby to get money from you?” She asks him, getting upset.

“It’s what your mother told me you did to the first guy you managed to convince that you’d be a good mother,” Sam tells her.

“Mother doesn’t know everything. I never asked Brian for anything, he gave it without question. It wasn’t my fault that he thought money was the only thing our son was worth,” She tells him.

“Sam, we’ll see you.” Wes tells him as he gets up, not wanting to be here any more than I did.

“What’s your son’s name?” I ask, when it started clicking in my head.

“Gus. Why?” She sneers at me.

“No reason. I just wondered,” I tell her. “Sam, thanks for the offer but Wes is right, I have a lot of things going on and another show is more than I feel I can do at this time,” I tell him.

“I’ll keep asking,” Sam tells me.

“I’ll keep saying no. I like my career the way it is, without the problems yours has,” I tell him, looking at Lindsay.

“IT won’t be a problem if you say yes,” He lets me know.

BRIAN

Gus was all over the place with his cousins, only looking back once in awhile. Lily was napping on a blanket with CJ, who was tired from running after the kids while we waited for Justin to get here. Emmett and I were watching Ted from a distance, as he was listening to the people playing music. It was the first time he didn’t just pass it by since we moved here.

“He told me he wants to go see an opera,” Emmett tells me.

“I would love to go to one while we’re here,” Diana tells us.

“Then Ted is your man, Sweetheart. This boy only listens to rock,” CJ tells her, smiling at Lily when she started waking up.

“What about you guys, want to show how much you love me by coming?” Diana asks us.

“Not if I can help it,” Emmett tells her.

“CJ and I need bonding time. Which doesn’t include opera,” I tell her.

“I wouldn’t mind, I’ve never been,” My mother tells her.

“Dad won’t go, he’s on our side,” CJ tells us.

“Justin, you’ll come to the opera won’t you?” Diana asks him as he comes over to us.

“Brian I need to talk to you,” Justin tells me, distracted.

I got up and followed him to the bench away from everyone. We sat there with him not saying anything, and I started getting that feeling he was going to say he didn’t want me in his life. It made me feel like I have all my life, that he found a reason I wasn’t good enough for him. I was about to lash out, to make it easier for him to tell me to fuck off.

“I just met Lindsay,” He tells me, looking at the kids.

“How?” I ask.

“The artist that wanted to meet me, she was with him. It was a great opportunity he was offering, but I couldn’t do it,” He tells me.

“I don’t want you to give up anything that could advance your career,” I tell him.

“It wasn’t hard to say no, and it wasn’t because of you,” He tells me.

“How could it not be, without me you wouldn’t think twice, even if Lindsay was around,” I tell him.

“It’s about Gus, not you. I won’t let anything hurt him. My career would mean nothing if to me if it allowed her a way to screw with Gus, or you,” He tells me.

“Then you can’t say it’s not about me,” I tell him.

“I know you could handle her, but Gus isn’t ready yet. We’ll know when he is, because we’ll raise both him and Lily to understand no one hurts OUR children,” He tells me.

“You realize... I love you, don’t you?” I ask, looking down at my lap before glancing at his face.

“You show me every day, but it was nice hearing it,” He tells me.

“If you want to do the show, do it. Lindsay doesn’t get to ruin anything we want,” I tell him.

“We’ll see. I have a feeling Sam will be looking for a new muse. Wes and I left them fighting at the restaurant,” He tells me.

“Did Sam say why he wanted you to show with him?” I ask, not really seeing Lindsay’s hand in this, since she doesn’t know about Justin.

“He thinks one day I’ll be as big as him. It’s sort of him being able to crow that he helped me get a leg up,” He tells me.

“He wants to ride your coattails, it’s a smart move for him. He hasn’t had the success he used to, for the last few years. He’s still doing well, but likely using you to boost his attendance.” I tell him as we go back to the family setting up lunch.

“You know this how?” He asks.

“I make sure I know everything, I don’t like being blindsided, the way I was in the past,” I tell him.

“Justin, are you going to come to the opera with us?” Diana asks him again.

“I think Brian and I had plans, whatever night that would be,” Justin smirks.

JUSTIN

We got home after hanging out at Brian’s with his family. Brian didn’t say much in the car on the way here and walked into the bathroom, still not saying much. I put the kids to bed, then flipped channels, waiting to see if he was coming out. After another fifteen minutes went by, I knocked on the door to see what he was doing since I didn’t hear water running. The door wasn’t locked and I just wanted to see if he was okay. I just wasn’t prepared to see him standing there naked, staring in the mirror.

“Brian?”

He prowled towards me and walked us backwards towards my bedroom. “Tell me no,” He says.

“No.” I answer.

He nodded then turned to leave. “Can I say yes now?” I ask.

I wasn’t self conscious when he removed all my clothes because it was hard to think about anything but him. He touched me as if I would break or run away from him. It wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted the man who looked at my body like he found a meal he couldn’t resist. I pulled him down with me onto the bed, running my hands down the body I’d been dreaming about since we met. I pulled open the drawer where I put the condoms I bought before he moved in.

He grabbed my hips and pulled me to his mouth, licking the pearls leaking from me. I felt his fingers running over my ass then rubbing my rim before breaching me. I pushed back against his finger because it felt so good after so long. With his mouth on my cock and fingers fucking my ass I knew I’d end up cumming too soon. I covered him and let him lay me on my back. Brian watched as he pushed into me, and then watched me to see when he could start moving. I didn’t want slow, because I was too close.

I put my legs around his hips and started topping from the bottom to get him to move. It was all he needed to start thrusting quickly and it was over for both of us faster than either of us seemed to expect.

“It’s been forever. Hopefully next time I won’t embarrass us,” I tell him.

“You won’t, since I’m not done yet,” He tells me, reaching for a new condom.

I was falling asleep later and realized I never said anything to him after he told me he loved me. “I love you too,” I whispered to a sleeping Brian, he smiled in his sleep and pulled me to him.

BRIAN

Everything I knew about Sam said he was persistent when he wanted something. When I talked to Leo’s lawyer, Paul, he told me it was always best to know the barbarians at your gate. I let him hire someone to keep us informed to protect the people in my life. I only asked to be informed if something changed in Lindsay’s life that would make it possible for her to fight the agreement we signed. Paul mentioned that she was seen with Sam at hotels and restaurants. I wanted to know who Sam was, other than an artist. All the information on Sam was that he tends to flit from one woman to the next. The ones he stayed with the longest were usually in relationships with other people, and Sam liked the secrecy of it all. Once he broke up the marriages or relationships, he was no longer interested.

Lindsay was still holding his interest, but I had to wonder why, when she didn’t make a secret of what they were doing together. She brought him instead of Mel to the events her parents attended, and rubbed it in the country club women’s faces that she was seeing the artist. It was petty, but it amused me that Mel had to put up with another man. Lindsay was probably seeing him to make sure Mel played her role as the jealous wife. Mel deserved every moment of unhappiness Lindsay provided her.

I didn’t want Justin to lose opportunities like the one Sam was offering because I saw it as Lindsay still being capable of screwing with the best parts of my life. Justin ignored all the phones calls from Wes and Sam, saying he didn’t have time to do it. I believed it until I heard Wes saying that the paintings Sam wanted were already hanging in the gallery. I waited until Justin was bathing Lily and got Sam’s number. If Sam wanted Justin, then he would have to make it so Justin didn’t see any way Gus or I would have Lindsay to deal with.

Sam came to Kinnetik alone as asked, and I led him to my office. He looked at the paintings in the lobby, before following me.

“It’s hard to want his work but hate that it makes me feel like I’m finger painting,” He tells me.

“You know it’s his work just by looking?” I ask.

“I made a point of seeing his progress. Justin’s work was noteworthy when he was starting out, now it’s genius,” He tells me. “But that’s not why you wanted to see me was it, so I could humble myself?” He asks me.

“I don’t like that Justin plans to let the opportunity go,” I tell him.

“You’re his agent, or…” He leaves off for me to answer.

“I’m the guy who plans to spend his life with Justin,” I tell him.

“The boyfriend, then. Tell me why he went from willing to unwilling?” He ask.

“Because he doesn’t want your muse anywhere near our children,” I tell him.

“Why would he think Lindsay would care about your children?” He asks.

“If Lindsay could get Gus from me she would, just to bleed me dry,” I tell him.

“He’s protecting you and your son? I was led to believe Lindsay wasn’t allowed to see Gus. So it shouldn't have any bearing on Justin doing my show,” He tells me.

“Lindsay would go to any lengths to get Gus back. Not because she's the mother she portrays herself as, but because it would put me back under her control. She likes the life the money I provided for Gus gave her, not that she used any of it on Gus,” I tell him.

“I’m going to assume then, that in order to get Justin, Lindsay needs to go home. I'll make the arrangements for her to go. It's only money anyway,” He tells me.

“If you see that about her, why continue to see her?” I ask.

“Believe it or not, I like that she doesn't hide that she's only after what she can get. She isn’t expecting grand declarations. Most of the women I see expect more than I want to give them, the ones that don't, fake that it's me they want and not the lifestyle they get by being with me. I kept Lindsay around because she inspired the show I'm doing, it's called Pandora’s Box, starring Lindsay, who embodies everything Pandora let out. Justin paints the hope that stayed trapped when Pandora closed the box. It's why I wanted him to show with me, he still sees a reason to keep hope alive,” He tells me.

“Only you can do what it would take to get Justin to do it,” I tell him.

“I want everything he has, which is a change for me,” He tells me.

“His talent?” I ask.

“Of course. But also someone who loves me the way you love him. It would give me a way to paint the beautiful parts of life,” He tells me.

“He showed me that love wasn’t a myth,” I tell him.

“Does he know about this conversation?” He asks.

“No. I wanted to do something for him. I’d rather he not know, because it's something done for all the happiness he's brought me,” I tell him.

“Then never give him a reason to doubt you. It was my mistake when I let the woman who holds my heart go,” He tells me, leaving.

It was easy to like Sam when he threw off the egotistical cape he wears. I could see the ways our lives were alike, listening to him. I just wasn't willing to lose the man who gave me hope.

TED

Diana and I were at the park again. I found that music feeds me, even if it wasn’t the opera that I loved. It was watching the people in the park giving in to their love of the sounds they brought out of their instruments. I saw Ethan playing, with his case open for money. I told Diana that Justin would probably laugh that the great musician had to play in the park to survive.

“People always get what’s coming to them, even when it seems like they don’t,” She tells me.

“It makes me wonder sometimes, what I did to deserve what I got,” I tell her, sitting down in front of a group playing classical music.

“I couldn’t tell you. But in the end, you found people who loved you, look at it that way,” She tells me.

“They always did, even when I didn’t make it easy for them to,” I tell her.

“What made you want Michael?” She asks.

“When I met him, he was always the person you could talk to, lean on, and depend on. I never connected when he expected us to praise him as what he really did those things for. If I had paid more attention to the difference when Brian or Emmett did the same things, not expecting anyone to even thank them, I might have seen Michael for who he was. Edward told me the same thing, being praised should never be why you do something for anyone.” I tell her.

“Emmett mentioned you hadn’t been listening to music lately. Is that something you gave up for Michael?” She asks.

“He didn’t like the music I listened to, but Alex was right, I’ve been hiding from everything I once loved,” I tell her.

“You can’t hide from love, it won’t let you,” She tells me.

“So you and CJ weren’t love at first sight?” I ask, because it’s hard to imagine there would be a time they didn’t love each other.

“When I met CJ, all I saw was a guy full of himself. Women were throwing themselves at him and I didn’t want to be one in the crowd, so I said no when he asked me on a date. I couldn’t figure out why he was interested, when he could have women all the guys fell for, which wasn't me,” She tells me.

“What made you go out with him?” I ask.

“I realized CJ didn’t even understand why women threw themselves at him. He placed more value on the person inside you, than the package wrapped around you,” She tells me.

“He got both with you,” I tell her.

“Mind if I borrow part of the bench to stretch?” A guy asks.

Since I swallowed my tongue, Diana let him know he could stretch all he wanted. Did he really have to bend over?

“Thanks.” He tells us, getting ready to run.

“No problem, you can borrow our bench any time,” Diana jokes.

“Hopefully you'll be sitting here the next time I need it. I'm Blake by the way,” He tells me, before jogging off.

“Ted, in case you missed it, that’s called flirting,” Diana tells me, pulling me up to go.

“He was kidding,” I tell her.

“Was he? Then why did he tell you his name?” She asks me.

I snuck a peek at him and he smiled, waving back. I felt like an idiot, but waved because he caught me. “He could have anyone,” I said, to remind myself.

“He probably could, but you're the one he’s paying attention to, not the other guys watching him,” She tells me.

JUSTIN

Carl came over to spend time with his grandkids, at least that’s what he told Emmett and I when he showed up. The rest of the group went with the boys to see a movie they wanted to see. Instead of going, Carl showed up here.

“I’m sure Joan didn’t want me interrupting time with her grandsons,” Carl tells us, playing on the floor with Lily.

“Aren’t someone of the boys your grandsons too?” Emmett asks the obvious.

“Yes smart ass, they are,” He tells Emmett.

“What's the real problem?” Emmett asks, as Brian comes in.

“I’m still in love with her, and it's not easy being around her when she treats me like it meant nothing to her,” He tells us.

“She doesn’t feel like she has anything to offer you Dad,” Brian tells him.

Carl sat for a few seconds, not being able to say anything. It was the first time Brian called him anything but Carl, not sounding sarcastic. “She gave me you, and more people to love. It's the best offer I could get, Son,” Carl tells him.

“Then don’t let her keep believing no one could want her. She and I tend to deal with things by thinking we deserved the bullshit we were dealt,” Brian tells him.

“No one deserved Jack Kinney. He’s a sorry piece of crap who blamed everyone but himself because he wouldn’t get off his butt and do anything,” Carl tells him.

“I know now, but it took being away from him and others like him to figure it out. Mom just recently filed for divorce, which goes against her beliefs. She's only beginning to see that he was wrong, she could take care of herself. Unfortunately it doesn't stop the voices that make her doubt herself for not leaving when she should have,” Brian tells him.

“It would also make it harder for her to trust another man,” Carl tells him.

“Show her she can. When we were talking about the opera, Joan did something she has a hard time doing, she included herself when the invitation to go was offered to all of us,” Emmett tells him.

“Normally she wouldn't, unless the offer was made directly to her,” Brian tells him.

“Nothing against Ted, but my idea of a date isn't sleeping through it,” Carl jokes.

“Which reminds me, what do you think of you and Mom babysitting the kids while I take Justin out?” Brian asks.

“Where are you planning to take me?” I ask.

“I heard, that part of relationships are this thing where you go out to eat, dance, and then you get to the fun stuff,” Brian tells me.

“Fun stuff?” I ask.

“Showing the man you love that being together is what really matters,” Brian tells me.

“I need fun stuff,” Emmett pouts.

BRIAN

My father and I were eating breakfast together. He wanted time with just me. He felt that we hadn't had much time to get to know each other because we were always with everyone else. I wanted to know about him, since he knows so much about me already. We were sitting down when my phone rang.

Cynthia called to ask if I wanted the idiot who was in Kinnetik’s lobby to go to jail, or meet security first, then go to jail. She sounded like she was enjoying herself. I asked, because even if the others hadn’t made an appearance it didn’t rule them out of trying to bring me to heel the way they all wanted.

“Mel seems to forget she's just as unwelcome as the others,” She tells me.

“Call Paul, tell him to meet us. It's time I show Mel what messing with my clients will do to her,” I tell her.

Dad looked up when he heard Mel's name. “Mel’s here?” He asks.

“Yes, but why do you seem like you know her more than by name?” I ask.

“She and Lindsay have been hauled in a lot lately,” He tells me.

“I need to let Paul know, we keep a file on anything that shows they'll never be good mothers to Gus,” I tell him.

“Tell him to talk to Detective Adams, he's the one handling Lindsay and Mel,” He tells me.

“Not you?” I ask.

“I'm your father, and I didn’t want it to look like abuse of my job. Which any lawyer could argue if it was me making the arrests,” He tells me.

“I need to go take care of this, I've left it alone too long,” I tell him.

“Why did you? I got the idea from a friend that you lost a lot of money because of them,” He tells me.

“I wanted Gus. It showed the court that money didn’t mean more to me than my son. Lindsay and Mel were made to seem as if the only reason they wanted Gus was for the money I provided. My lawyer was willing to sue to recoup Gus’s losses, but hearing that I got what I wanted meant more,” I tell him.

“I don’t like how they got away with what they did,” He tells me.

“I needed time to help Gus and Ted, and time for me to get my head straight. I wasn’t in a place to keep fighting, because it led to doubting myself. Just like Ted, I had a hard time seeing myself as anything but the person everyone said I was. Coming here and working with Alex... well it made it easier for me to see I'm not the asshole everyone made me out to be,” I tell him.

“I can deal with Mel for you, I know a couple detectives here,” He offers.

“Mel was never a problem for me. I knew why she hated me, and it was all about her believing that men were the reason she couldn’t get ahead. Lindsay fed Mel's beliefs by putting men before her. It wasn't just me, but comparing Mel to her father and other lawyers who were successful and male. I would've left Mel alone after the custody fight, but she still wants to fight with me. She is going to find out what that will accomplish. I'm going to hit her where she thinks hitting me hurts. Feel free to come see why I'm as successful as I am,” I tell him, getting up.

When Carl and I got to Kinnetik he snorted when Mel was sitting in a chair with two security guards standing in front of her. She looked like she'd aged a few years, but I knew the toll the life she was living would take on you. It's the reason I walked away; to live.

“Until Paul gets here, she stays there,” I tell Cynthia, ignoring the glare Mel threw at me.

“Look asshole, I came here to do you a favor,” Mel snarled.

“Your favors tend to hurt people I care about, not to mention people you claim to care about. So be a good little girl and wait for me to decide if, like Cynthia, jail is preferable to listening to you. I doubt Sam is willing to throw money at you the way he does for Lindsay,” I tell her.

“Are you going to have Daddy protect your ass?” She taunts, when she noticed Carl.

“Why would my son need me when you're willing to risk jail to come here?” Carl asks her.

“Brian, it took a couple minutes to download what I needed for this meeting, but I'm ready. Your office or the conference room?” Paul asks, walking in.

“The conference room, Cynthia will be with us to file everything as it happens,” I tell him.

“Are you afraid of little old me?” Mel asks, thrilled.

“I just like to make sure there isn’t any room for the law to give you a way to wiggle out of the consequences of your actions. I’m still trying to figure out how you got out of law school but still make all the mistakes you’d beat up your clients for making. Of course, that explains why you lost your job,” I tell her.

Mel gets up to lunge at me, which only had her forced back into her chair. “I lost my job because you made it sound like I neglected your fucking kid. No one seemed to remember that I never wanted a kid that came from you!” She rants.

“Yet you didn’t have a problem taking the money I gave for MY SON, and snort it up your nose,” I sneer.

“Brian, let’s get this done,” Cynthia tells me.

“Why don’t we. I’m sure after he listens to me he’ll wish he didn’t waste all this time,” Mel tells us, as if she knew something we didn’t.

The guards led her in and sat her in the seat at the end of the table. I sat at the head of the table, knowing it would piss Mel off. Paul started pulling out all the emails and the financials he and Ted were able to get through legal channels on everything Mel owned. By not being the friend Ted thought she was, she made it to easy to get what I needed for this.

“This is a waste of time. I just wanted you to know that Lindsay is filing to get Gus back, and we’ll win this time because we plan to use the best family lawyer in the business. I was giving you a chance to still see Gus, but only if you agree to our terms.” Mel tells me, smug.

“I’m sure when Gus’s new lawyer gets the paperwork, we’ll worry about why you seem to think blackmailing my client was the way to go about it. I’m here because of the lawsuit Brian is filing against you; for slander and potential harm to his business with malicious intent. I guess I could add the blackmail, but we can leave that to Gus’s lawyer. I already have enough that we can seize all your assets,” Paul tells her.

“What are you talking about?” Mel asks, looking confused.

“The emails that you sent to all of Brian’s clients. It made me wonder where you got your degree, you left a trail of breadcrumbs that put you in the position to lose everything you own. Although it made it easier for me to have proof, so thank you,” He tells her.

Mel looks even more confused, so Paul hands her copies of all the emails that were sent. She looked through them, turning a shade a gray that did nothing for her. “I didn’t write these,” She mumbles.

“They were sent from your personal email, and given time I could have it traced to the actual computer, which really wouldn’t help your case,” Paul tells her.

“I didn’t send these. I don’t care if the asshole dupes people into believing he’s worth the money they pay him to be the whore he’s always been,” She tells me.

“You would have to prove that, but everything points to you,” Paul tells her.

“Then prove all you want, I know I didn’t do this,” She tells him, sounding confident.

“Not a problem, I’ll go ahead and file to get the information about where to find the computer that sent these files,” Paul tells her, not really worried.

“Do whatever you want. I was only here to keep Brian here,” She tells me, getting up to leave.

“What the hell are you up to?” I ask.

“Mel sit down, I’m not through with you. I think it’s time to tell you what you stand to lose,” Paul tells her, shaking his head at me while he deals with her.

“It’s bogus, so I lose nothing,” Mel sneers at Paul.

“You stand to lose the money your grandfather left for you, the house you kept in your name, and I can take the car you and Lindsay own, even though it’s really not worth the money it would take to get it here,” Paul tells her.

“Only if you prove anything, which like I said, I’m not worried about,” Mel tells him.

“Did I forget to mention the account you thought no one would find, with, from what I can tell, is almost as much as you took from Gus. Only that account was set up after the custody suit. Was that money Ron Peterson gave you? Not that it matters, the slander in those emails could have lost my client more than you have in all, but we’ll settle for what you have and call it even,” Paul tells her, as Cynthia slides a note to him.

“Thank you. I guess we can check this IP address against your computers, or you can do it for us after you make bail,” Paul tells her.

“Why would I need to make bail?” Mel asks, getting nervous.

“Did you not pay attention to the letter I sent?” Paul asks her.

“I never got anything,” Mel tells him.

“When Brian moved here, he got the same restraining orders for him, Gus, and Ted. I made sure you, Ms Peterson, and the Novotny’s, were informed. Which means you coming here means being in violation, and we have enough people who saw you walk in here on your own to show you didn’t care that you were doing it. Cynthia, go ahead and let the officers in to arrest Ms Marcus,” Paul says, putting his files away.

“You fooled the court into thinking it was about Gus, when it’s all about the money!” Mel yells at me, as the officers come in.

“None of this has to do with Gus, because you meant absolutely nothing to Gus. It's about understanding my business wasn’t another thing you could treat as carelessly as you treated your career,” I tell her.

“Or as carelessly as you treat your responsibility,” She tells me, as she's being taken out.

“What do you think she meant by that?” Carl asks.

“Ted,” I tell him, calling Ted on the way out.

TED

It was idiotic to sit here thinking Blake was serious at all, but I at least got to listen to some music. It's the reason I gave myself for coming, not the off chance he'd show up.

“Hi, I'm not running today, but wouldn't mind sharing a seat,” Blake tells me, sitting down. “I saw you and figured lunch wasn't that big of a deal,” Blake tells me.

“You shouldn't miss lunch,” I tell him.

“Sorry, maybe I presumed the wrong thing,” He says softly.

“I didn’t mean to sound like I wasn't interested, shit I'm just bad at this. Can we start over? I'm Ted,” I tell him.

“It's nice to meet you, and if you're worried I'll  starve, then how about we have lunch together?” He asks.

“You don’t waste time,” I tell him, getting up and walking with him.

“Why bother, if I like something or someone, I go for it,” He tells me.

We were sitting at a café ordering when Brian called. I let it go to voicemail, because I wanted to get to know Blake.

“If you need to get that, it's fine,” Blake tells me.

“My friend's family is in town. He's probably calling to invite me put up with all of them. I'd rather spend time with you,” I tell him.

“Tell me about you,” He tells me.

“I'm work with my friend Brian at Kinnetik. We started it together,” I tell him.

“Have you always lived here?” He asks.

“I lived in Pittsburgh until last year. My two best friends and I needed a change from there. What about you?” I ask.

“I've traveled a lot, not really ready to stay in one place, but so far New York hasn't given me a reason to move on yet,” He tells me.

“What do you do?” I ask.

“I work as a nanny for couples who have special needs kids. I help get the kids ready for school so the transition is easier for everyone,” He tells me.

“It allows you to travel?” I ask.

“I'm only there until the children get through their first year, then I move on. It’s always hard to leave, but there are so many others that need my help,” He tells me, showing how much he loves what he does, by beaming when he talked about it.

“I guess you'll move on again when you're done,” I tell him, disappointed.

“My sister lives here, and I like the city, so I'm thinking of staying here. I have a lot of local people calling, asking for when I'm next available. Plus I recently met a reason to stay,” He tells me, flirting.

We ate lunch, and I invited him to the opera outing we were planning. I didn’t expect a yes, so I was prepared to tell him it wasn’t a big deal.

“It sounds interesting, I've never been. You can introduce me to something new,” He tells me.

“I think you'll do the same for me,” I tell him.

When we were done, it felt like time had flown by. He told me he had to get back, but wrote down his contact information for me. I turned to go when he grabbed my arm and kissed me.

“I've wanted to do that since I saw you the last time,” He tells me, running off.

Pulling out my phone, I put his number in and decided to text him.

“Thanks for sharing your day,” I sent.

“Here's to sharing many more!” He sent back.

I walked back, thinking about Blake and how he didn’t sound like what he did was a big deal. He made people’s lives easier and almost made it sound like they were doing him the favor by allowing him to help them. He was so different from Michael that I started to worry again. For the first time, I made myself stop doubting a guy could want me, Blake made that obvious. It might be too soon, but it felt good that he did.

I pulled my phone out because Brian had called a few times and he normally doesn’t do that without a reason. I looked up and saw the reason standing outside the house, being bitched at by Emmett. I didn’t walk up, but stood back looking at Michael, trying to see why I thought my world was over because he treated me like shit and made me think I had to earn his love. He wasn’t the person I’d built up in my head. Other than the fact that he was okay looking, everything he’d done made him less attractive.

I didn’t bother to let him talk to me, he wasn’t worth destroying my day over. So I did what I couldn’t and Brian had to for me. I used the restraining order that Brian made me get, and called to have Michael Novotny removed from my life. I walked right past him and pulled Emmett with me into the house. Michael tried to come in but I blocked the door, this was the home for the family we were making, not the people who wanted to tear it down.

“Ted, I’m here to tell you I’ll take you back,” Michael tells me, acting as usual, as if I should be falling at his feet for a minute of his time.

“Why would I want a life that was only to pay for yours?” I ask.

“You love me,” He says, as if that’s the reason I owe him.

“No. I made the mistake of believing you could love anyone. I don’t plan to do that anymore, I’d rather live,” I tell him, when the squad car arrives. “Hey, but I got you a ride, that was thoughtful wasn’t it,” I tell him, shutting the door.

“When did you decide to come home?” Emmett asks.

“I had lunch with a new friend, then came home,” I tell him.

“I mean when did my Teddy come home?” Emmett asks me, smiling through his tears.

“It took a while for me to find him, but I finally did,” I tell him, letting him hug me.

JUSTIN

CJ and Edward came by to see if Gus wanted come with them and the cousins for the day. I was gathering paintings that were ready to take to Wes, when Joan knocked on my door.

“I thought if it was okay, I could spend time with Lily. John and Peter wanted to help CJ with Gus,” She tells me.

“I was going to take her with me to drop of some paintings, if you want you could come with me. Someone has to hold Lily,” I tell her, to let her know she’d really be helping me.

“It’s a tough job, but I wouldn’t mind,” She jokes.

She followed me around my house, helping get the things I would need for Lily later. “I told Carl I could watch the kids if he wanted to do things with his other children,” She tells me.

“Carl wanted you and him to do it together. It sounds like he would like to get to know who you are now,” I tell her.

“I’m still finding that out. For now I’m a mother and grandmother,” She tells me.

“And a good one, from all I’ve seen and heard,” I tell her.

“I spent years being a bad one. So that is the biggest compliment someone can give me- that I reached good,” She tells me.

“Why not say you learned from your past and worked to improve your performance,” I tell her as we get in the car to go.

“Or that I strive to be better today than yesterday,” She tells me.

“I like that one, I’ll have to borrow it when a reporter thinks my work merits an article,” I tell her.

“Which Brian thinks will happen soon,” She tells me.

“He would, since he’s spent a lot for my work,” I joke.

“He wouldn’t if he didn’t think they were good. I saw them when I went to visit with Cynthia after hearing about them, I thought they were beautiful,” She tells me.

When we got to the gallery, Joan said she’d look around with Lily. Wes was waiting for me with Sam when I got there. I really didn’t know how many ways I could say no before he gave up.

“Sorry, he came by and wanted to talk to you. It’s really a great opportunity, and one that you should consider,” Wes tells me.

“I have. But right now there are other things that make it not something I want to do,” I tell them both.

“Why not talk to Sam and figure out if he can help you change your mind,” Wes tells me, leaving us alone.

“Tell me what you need from me for you to agree,” Sam tells me.

“It’s nothing about showing with you,” I tell him, not really wanting to bring up the real reason.

“I’m sending Lindsay home. Because I got the impression, until she started talking, that you were prepared to do the show. She likes to believe she knows everything about art. Too bad what she doesn’t understand could fill a few bookshelves. If having her around bothering you is the problem, she won’t be here, and I’ll have her barred from the show for almost ruining it,” Sam tells me.

“Give me a call when you’ll let me see why you think my art would work with yours,” I tell him.

“Can I see what you have for Wes?” He asks.

“If you want to,” I tell him, thrilled that he seemed so interested in my work.

“Why choose this subject?” He asks.

“It shows the people they forgot they were. All three of the paintings are of the people in my life. Brian with Gus, after finding out Lily was his daughter; the wariness was gone from both their eyes that day. With Ted, listening to music as if he'd been deaf all his life, and showing the joy of finally hearing. Emmett’s was how I imagined he would be, dancing without a care in the world. They've changed in the short time I’ve known them and I wanted them to see it. I felt it fit into my theme,” I tell him.

“You've always impressed me with how you view the world,” He tells me.

“How do you think I view the world?” I ask.

“You still see the good in it. It's why people talk about you. Your paintings give them a way of not always thinking everything is getting worse as time goes on,” He tells me.

“I guess for me, only seeing tragedy and atrocities is easy, but seeing healing and the world renewed gives us a reason to keep living,” I tell him.

“It's the reason I need you in my show, to show that after all the evils were let out, there was still enough hope for man to overcome it,” He tells me.

“I'm honored it speaks to you,” I tell him.

“I'm honored by the privilege of having a great artist allow me to use his work. Now I have some house cleaning to take care of. Give me a couple days and hopefully I'll impress you,” He smirks, as he leaves.

I left to go find Joan and Lily, not expecting to see Sam dragging Lindsay behind him as she stared at Joan and Lily. When she saw me, she pulled away from Sam.

“What are you doing with him?” Lindsay asks Joan, looking at me.

“Getting lessons on how to be a better mother,” Joan tells her.

“You think you're better than me, after what you did to your son…”

“Do you really want to compare? I'm sure the man waiting for you hasn't heard what I know,” Joan tells her, cutting her off.

“I wonder how he would feel if he knew about you,” Lindsay says, looking at me. “You’re letting a drunk hold your child,” She tells me.

It angered me that Joan was letting Lindsay upset her. “I'm letting my daughter meet a person who would walk through fire to save her, not someone who forgets a child is around,” I tell her, pissed that I let my temper get the better of me.

“You know nothing about me, but I could tell you horror stories about her,” Lindsay spits out at me.

“Are you done acting like a jackass?” Sam asks her, not hiding he was pissed. “If you aren't then I hope you have a place to go tonight,” He tells her, as a warning before walking out.

“I'm going to find out all about you,” She says, as if to scare me, before chasing after Sam.

“Everything she knows about me, everything she said, is true,” Joan says quietly.

“Remember, every day you're becoming better than the last one,” I tell her, squeezing her shoulder.

“It's definitely not something Lindsay could say,” She tells me, letting it go.

DEB

Vic thinks this bullshit piece of paper changes everything I've done for him? Well I wasn’t going to let him. I made a point of going to all the places he frequented and making it so he had to leave. Family doesn’t turn on you, and it's something Vic needs to learn. On my days off I stayed at the center, doing everything for the patients that I did for Vic. I wanted him to hear from them how much I did, and remember he was once the person who benefited from it.

I wanted Michael and the girls to come, but Lindsay went to entertain Sam, and the other two disappeared without a word. Lindsay and I are going to talk about her and Sam. If she wants to convince anyone she and Mel are the parents Gus needs they can’t keep fucking around with other people. Mel and Lindsay seem to think copying the asshole will help them, like it did him.

“Deb, I really would like to rest,” Mark tells me.

I looked over at Mark who was in the late stages of AIDS. “Honey, you're going to get all the rest you need soon,” I joke.

“Which I didn’t need you to think was a joke,” He tells me.

“I’ll leave you to rest,” I tell him, thinking he needed to lighten up.

“Deb, could I talk to you?” Alan, one of the guys who runs the center, asks.

“Sure. Did you need me to help with some of the others?” I ask.

“I’ve had some complaints. While we thank anyone who volunteers their time, we also have to make sure the patients are happy and comfortable,” He tells me.

“I feed them, help them when they need it, what’s to complain about?” I ask.

“You're also saying things that I’m sure you find funny, but no one else does. And talking about things that I’m sure Vic wouldn’t have appreciated you saying. We all like Vic, and the patients think it’s cruel the way you talk about him as though what he went through was nothing in comparision to you showing up, and I quote, ‘Wiping his ass.’ As if he could help that he needed help, and it’s something the people here have needed and would like to think you wouldn’t announce to the whole center the way you do about Vic. I’m not asking you not come here if you want to help, but to understand that they know their lives are shorter, but having you joke about it isn’t funny to them, or me,” He tells me.

“They need to get the sticks out of their asses,” I tell him.

“Or you need to get the one you seem to have about your brother out of yours. I’m sorry to say that, but when Vic comes they enjoy having him around and I know he hasn’t been here because you seem to come to keep him away,” He tells me.

I walked out, not bothering to tell him where he could take that statement. I got home, still upset at how Alan thought I was doing anything but offering the guys a shoulder to cry on. I wanted to call Vic and yell at him, but he changed his number. My phone rang a hour after I cleaned the kitchen again and I was ready to yell at Michael for not being around.

“Ma, I need you to come bail me out,” Michael rushes out.

“Why are you in jail?” I ask.

“Mel wanted to talk to Lindsay and I went with her. I thought it was time to talk to Ted,” He tells me.

“Why are you in jail?” I ask again.

“Ted let the cops take me, he wouldn’t listen to me. I wanted him to know I was ready to take him back,” Michael tells me, sounding sad.

“He called the cops?” I ask, not understanding why.

“Brian probably made him,” He tells me.

“The asshole is only doing this because he likes to hurt you. I’ll be there as soon as I can, and then I’ll be the one talking to Brian Fucking Kinney,” I fume.

“That wouldn’t help,” Michael tells me.

“Why not?” I ask.

“Remember the registered letters we got?” He asks, dragging this out.

“Just tell me, I have to get to the bank to get money to bail you out, I don’t have all day,” I tell him.

“They were from a lawyer Brian hired. It’s the same restraining orders he had in Pittsburgh, but for New York. He has them on Mel and Lindsay too. Mel’s here too, I saw her while I was being processed, so she needs to be bailed out too,” He tells me.

“Then tell her to call her wife, I’m not working to take care of her too,” I tell him.

“Thanks Ma, but you know Mel will call you,” He tells me.

“Mel can sit in jail as far as I’m concerned, you wouldn’t be there if she wasn’t chasing Lindsay,” I tell him, hanging up.

I didn’t care what Brian thought, he was going to hear it from me. It was time to get him and Vic to understand that you don’t mess with me and mine. Ted needed to see that Brian was the one who caused it all. Ted lost Michael because of Brian not liking seeing my son happy.

I got to the bank, realizing Mel and Lindsay needed to start paying me back. I barely had enough for the bail and the ticket to get to my son. I knew Mel had some savings, and she’d have to start digging into it, because I don’t have Ron Peterson to indulge me the way he does Lindsay. Which made me think maybe it was time to see Ron. I had a few hours before I was leaving anyway.

Nancy was coming out of the house when my cab pulled up. “I need to talk to Ron,” I tell her.

“We’ve already donated to our causes,” She tells me, like I was here begging.

“I’m here because your daughter and her wife got my son in trouble. I plan to help my son but the girls owe me money for all the times I bailed them out,” I tell her.

“Like I said, we’ve already donated to our causes, and that cause isn’t one we are going to continue to donate to,” She tells me, going to her car.

“She’s your daughter and you treat her like a charity,” I tell her, leaning on her door.

“She and Mel seem to think they are, and from what I can tell, your son thinks the same of you,” She tells me.

“Sister, you have a lot to learn about loving your kid,” I tell her.

“You need to learn when your advice isn’t wanted. I accept that I was never a good mother, but I don’t accept that my daughter treats it as a way to pad her bank account. I should have listened to Brian, but it was easier to hope Lindsay would find a new hobby,” She tells me.

“She loves Gus,” I tell her.

“She was killing Gus with that ‘love’. Did you really think the doctors made up the reports, or was it easier to believe my daughter, because then it was the doctors lying? Which meant your son’s boyfriend was, what did they say in court, ‘Looking for attention’, wasn’t it?” She asks me.

“My son loves Ted,” I hiss at her.

“So much that he watched while Brian had to get Ted the help he needed. Even I can’t top that one, for being the cold hearted bitch that Lindsay tells everyone I am,” She tells me. “Thank you for letting me know once again that she couldn’t listen to a word I said. But now I really must go, tennis, you understand,” She tells me, opening the car door pushing me off.

BRIAN

Carl came with me to wait for Justin to get back. CJ called to let me know that he had Gus with him. I told him to call and I would come if Gus had any meltdowns.

“There will come a time where Gus is able to forget. Children heal quickly when given a better environment and love,” Carl tells me.

“It's all I've work towards with Gus. When Alex suggested we move, it was to keep Gus from having Lindsay and Mel finding ways of being near my son,” I tell him.

“You did for Gus what no one did for you,” He tells me.

“I want my children to grow up believing they deserve the best in life,” I tell him.

“That's what real parents want for their children. I'm not putting Joan down, but telling you that Justin isn’t the only great parent your kids have,” He tells me.

“CJ and Vicky show me the same about you,” I tell him.

“It took time for me to see my job couldn’t be a reason my children had to wait for attention. I know there were times when I came home closing myself off to them, but the world I saw some days was something I didn't want touching them. My ex-wife kicked my ass, saying we couldn’t protect them from everything, but could raise them to never become like the people I arrested. I see you doing the same for Gus,” He tells me.

“I'm only worried because Lindsay and Mel are here right now. I'm not sure how Gus would deal with seeing either of them. Hell, I'm worried how Ted would deal with Michael. All of us came here needing a way to heal, and for the most part we are, but one of the things Alex is working with all of us on, is to not fall back into letting in the people who fucked with our heads,” I tell him.

“Maybe seeing how far they've fallen in their lives should be what you're seeing,”  He tells me.

“Lindsay just found another way to have what she wanted,” I tell him.

“Which will work until Sam sees someone he likes more. Then she's ends up right back in her current situation. None of them will ever get what you have, a family. It would take understanding that love isn’t something you treat as a game,” He tells me.

Justin, Lily, and my mom walked in. Mom kissed my cheek before taking Lily to her room. Justin grabbed a drink then sat down, not greeting anyone.

“Everything okay?” I ask.

“Sam convinced me to do his show, which was good,” He tells me.

“What aren’t you and Mom saying?” I ask.

“I can go if you need to talk to Brian,” Carl offers.

“It’s fine. I’m just pissed that I let Lindsay get to me. She saw your mom at the gallery with Lily and started in on her. It gave me an idea of what it was like for you and Gus. My father might win the asshole father award, but he didn’t come around me after realizing nothing he did was going to get him what he wanted,” He tells me.

“Mel and Michael are here, too,” I tell him, looking at the text Emmett sent me.

“What is wrong with them? Seriously. It’s like they need all of you, or they’d have to find lives of their own,” Justin tells me.

“They do,” Carl tells him. “They lost the people who made them believe they weren’t who they were. Vic moved out of Deb’s and ended up having to get a restraining order, because she kept showing up at his door. She thinks she can badger him into coming home. Lindsay and Mel treat their home like party central, and lately the only ones to bail them out are Michael and Deb. One of my detectives mentioned Lindsay throwing a fit when her mother kept answering the phone. I guess the father is the one willing to throw money at Lindsay,” He tells us.

“Maybe we should cancel tonight, until they’re gone,” Justin offers.

“I’ve let them make me do things to appease them, I won’t don’t that anymore. Our relationship won’t become another thing they have power over,” I tell him.

“What about Gus? If they find out about us, then it only takes using their last brain cell to connect the dots. My address isn’t hard to find,” Justin comments.

“They may find it, but I doubt they’ll like what they find when I open the door,” Carl tells us.

“Yeah, my dad’s a cop,” I smile at Carl.

LINDSAY

Sam was being a jackass the whole way back to the hotel room he got for me. I tried everything to get him to understand that if he wanted me, then it meant telling me what he knew about Justin. I didn’t like seeing Joan and Justin together, and knew I was missing something.

“I need to know why Justin would even know Joan,” I argue.

“Why? It’s not like either of them think of you as anything but a harpy.” He asks me.

“Why did you want Justin, an unknown, in your show?” I ask, trying to work back to what I wanted to know.

“I find that very funny, when you wanted the painting I have of his at my home,” He says, like he was making fun of me.

“I wanted to know why you like one artist over another,” I tell him, playing as if I really gave a shit about Sam.

“I’m sure you would love to know everything you could use to piss off Justin,” He tells me.

“I didn’t mean to upset him, but you do realize it could ruin his career being hung next to your brilliant work,” I tell him, kissing his ego.

He shrugged, looking back out the window of the car. We pulled up to my hotel and we got out. He waited to say anything until we were in my room. I was still unhappy that he didn’t get me a suite, or let me stay with him, but I let that go when I heard him saying something about going home.

“I could have just stayed with you,” I tell him, unbuttoning my shirt.

“My home will only ever have my wife living with me,” He tells me.

“All you have to do is ask,” I tell him coyly.

“When I find the woman I want to marry, I will ask,” He tells me.

“Why bring up going home?” I ask.

“I meant YOU going home. To Pittsburgh. I didn’t mind you being around and helping out when you were needed, but you almost caused me to lose the artist I wanted for my show. I draw the line when it comes to my work. You seem to think you were more than the decoration on my arm,” He tells me.

“I was only giving you my opinion based on my experience,” I tell him.

“What experience was that, dressing so the old men buying art were really paying to see your breasts? Sydney knew he needed young and attractive to get the people who buy in his gallery. He wasn’t paying for your experience. Reciting textbooks wasn’t what Sydney needed,” He tells me opening the door.

“Where are you going? You don’t get to talk to me like that,” I tell him.

“One of my old girlfriends is in town, she knows her place at my side. You have the room for the night and I'll have your ticket for Pittsburgh waiting at reception. The things you left at my house will be sent over in the morning. Other than those things, I think that's all we have left to say to each other,” He tells me.

“I wanted a future with you. I was going to tell you that I was leaving Mel for you. I could give you the children you want because I love you,” I tell him, crying the way that works on everyone I know.

“I respected you more for treating me like a way to keep the money flowing. Now you have just made it into the line with all the others, thinking I was fooled. In case you somehow want to blame Justin for ending our association- because it was never a relationship- you aren’t someone I ever saw as more than temporary entertainment. Lindsay, as a friend, I hope one day you’ll really be in love and become a better person because of it. It’s something I aspire to,” He tells me, leaving me.

“Like you know anything about love,” I scream at the door.

I wiped the tears, hating Sam for seeing through them. My phone buzzed again and I took it out of my purse. I saw that Deb still thinks calling a hundred times will make us do what she wants. I was deleting the texts without reading them until I got to one from Mother.

“You will never learn, but it’s not surprising. I gave you your choices and you chose poorly. It’s time for you to live with your choices.” She sent.

I called Daddy, because Mother really thinks he wouldn’t stand by me. I needed him to assure me that he still supported me.

“I’m busy Lindsay, you deal with whatever you and Mel did,” He tells me, sounding upset.

“I didn’t call but to talk to you, I miss the days when we could just call and talk,” I tell him.

“I can’t help Mel get out of this, she screwed herself,” He tells me, confusing me.

“What are you talking about?” I ask.

“The email attacks on Brian, he’s suing her for everything you and Mel have,” He tells me.

“Why me?” I ask.

“Because you put everything in Mel’s name, thinking it would keep Brian from expecting you to pay child support, the way you two expected him to. Why were you even asking me for money when Mel had enough to support you two?” He asks.

“All she has was that account her grandfather left her,” I tell him.

“I don’t like to be lied to, you came to me asking for money when Mel had more than enough to support you,” He tells me.

“I don’t know where you got that idea,” I tell him.

“Your mother decided that if I supported you blindly that I could do it on my own. With the facts I now know, can’t go against her,” He comments before he hangs up on me.

I called Lynnette to find out what Mother was up to. “She’s closing ranks, she says she’s done letting us live off her. You fucked us both,” Lynnette yells, hanging up.

I opened my door to Deb standing there. I didn’t need this with all the other things I had to handle. “I don’t have time to listen to your problems, I have my own,” I tell her, trying to shut the door.

Deb pushed right in, not bothering to listen to a word I said. “Your wife needs to be bailed out of jail. If you’d bothered to answer her when she called, I wouldn’t have bothered you,” She tells me.

“You came to New York to tell me Mel needs bail?” I ask.

“She's in jail here. Michael ended up in trouble because you girls,” She tells me.

“I'm not even going to ask how you twist Michael’s actions into our fault. Mel needs to clear up something for me anyway. She obviously hid something from me that my mother knows about,” I tell her, grabbing my purse.

MEL

Lindsay showed up hours after I called, it's just like her to do this. Our whole relationship has been her making me feel that I only get her attention when she's ready.

“Why are we still here?” I ask, when we could be gone.

“I need to know why you have an account I didn’t know about,” She tells me, pissed.

“It wasn’t enough that Brian plans to take me for everything. He had to tell you that too,” I tell her.

“I'm getting tired of finding out things last. Explain what your talking about?” She asks.

“They think I sent emails to Brian’s clients defaming his character. Like I'm that big of an idiot. It would bury any chances I have at ever being taken seriously as a lawyer. It's something Michael would be stupid enough to do,” I explain the law once again to Lindsay.

“Why would it matter, it's just emails?” I ask.

“It's libelous, and he could have lost revenue, which means he can show potential loss to his business caused by false accusations. If they were sent to only him, the monetary loss would be negligible. It doesn’t matter anyway, because I didn’t do it, so once I get out of here I plan to counter sue him for false accusations. I expect when they follow the IP address there won’t be a problem,” I tell her, enjoying finally winning against the asshole.

“What does that mean?” She asks, looking less confident and worrying me.

“That I know I didn’t send it, so whoever hacked my email will be the one Brian will have to deal with, not me. While I’ll be counting the money he’ll owe me,” I tell her.

“They can’t prove anything, right?” She asks.

“IP addresses are like home addresses, they belong to one computer, which is why they think they have me,” I tell her. “What the hell is bothering you?” I ask, when she looks upset.

“Nothing, let me get you bailed out,” She tells me, getting up.

LINDSAY

I saw Michael standing there while Deb paid to get him out. I went over and dragged him to a corner, after handing the sergeant my credit card. “Michael our little joke is going to get Mel and me in trouble,” I whisper.

“What joke?” He asks.

“The ones we sent through Mel’s email. Fucking Trina isn’t going to keep her mouth shut, she would love to save Mel from me,” I tell him.

“It’s not like emails are that big a deal,” He blows me off.

“Then you won’t care if Brian finds out he can sue you too. Not that you have anything your mommy won’t replace for you,” I tell him.

“Or your daddy. Get over it. Your parents will pay to keep you at a distance and out of court again,” He tells me.

“Ms. Peterson,” The sergeant calls.

“This card was rejected,” He tells me, handing me the card Daddy gave me.

“It’s unlimited, so try it again,” I tell him.

“I tried three times, do you have another way to pay the bail?” He asks.

“Use this one,” I hand him my debit card.

He swiped it and it was declined. I called the bank, only to find out all our accounts were frozen. I paid out it out of the money Sam left lying around my room. Mel came out, while I called to see if I could cancel the flight and get a refund on my ticket. The lady on the phone said it wasn’t a problem and she could just reverse the charges back to the card they were charged to, before hanging up on me. I didn’t pay attention to Deb and got to them after she stomped off.

“Where is she going?” I ask, because we need to figure out how we were getting back.

“She thinks Brian is going to listen to her,” Mel tells me rolling her eyes.

“Let’s go back to my hotel. I need to figure out how we are going to get home. All our accounts are frozen and the bitch at the airport wasn’t offering to refund the money for my ticket to me. Don’t think I’m not going to ask about the money my father says you have in another account,” I tell them.

JUSTIN

Brian told me he didn’t plan an ordinary date for us. I trusted him and told him next time it was my turn. He took me to an underground jazz club and we discovered we both shared the love of jazz, then I got to find out Brian was an amazing dancer. He told me dancing in clubs wasn’t to showcase his dancing skills. I told him I agree, I didn’t really use them to dance either. We left, agreeing we needed to come back, and headed to a small eatery that didn’t have menus but allowed us to sample a variety of foods and wines. We left with my head swimming and liking that he planned something that didn’t turn into an ordinary date.

“I have one last thing, but it’s up to you. Mom and Dad are willing to stay the night with the kids,” He tells me.

“I’ve liked everything so far, so I don’t see any reason not to continue this date,” I tell him.

We got to a hotel and I thought I knew why we were there, I was wrong. Brian took me to the rooftop pool. It was set up with candles all around and a place to lay down away from the lights.

“I did a campaign for them, the owner told me I could have a free stay whenever I wanted,” He tells me.

“On the roof?” I kid.

“I wanted to make love to you under the stars,” He tells me, backing me to the cushions laid out in the dark under the stars.

“You know, this is ridiculously romantic,” I tell him.

BRIAN

Justin was sitting up looking at the view of the city around us. I put my head in his lap, watching the sun rising.

“It's moments like this when I see all the things we forget are still there to see everyday,” He tells me.

“What, the sun coming up?” I ask.

“It’s more what you see before it rises, the changing colors that I can’t duplicate because they change with each minute we get closer to sunrise. We start a new day as new people,” He tells me.

“When I lived in Pittsburgh, I had windows along one whole wall of the loft. I used to sit on my sofa and watch this, not seeing anything but that I made it through another night,” I tell him.

“After I left home, I promised myself not to let the bad things outweigh the good,” He tells me.

“How do you stop it?” I ask.

“When I first moved away from my family, I had a hard time sleeping. At night with no one around, I had too much time to think about why my father could love a straight son, but not the gay son who was still the same person he’d always been. It would have driven me crazy, wanting to believe that my parents divorce was my fault. I know it’s not, but you think stupid things in the middle of the night. It was changing the way I painted, and that was one thing I couldn’t let hatred take from me. Plus, I like the person I am and always have been, the man who I called my father didn’t know me at all if all he saw was my sexuality,” He tells me.

“I spent years looking in the mirror trying to see what it was that my father hated. I couldn’t find it no matter how hard I looked,” I tell him.

“Because the mirror was pointed at the wrong person,” He tells me.

I pulled him up to kiss me and his stomach went off like Lily’s at feeding time. I kissed him anyway, pulling us up and grabbing the clothes we threw off. “They have a restaurant in the hotel, we could eat and order to-go for the babysitters,” I tell him.

“I miss our babies, do you mind if we just get to-go orders?” He asks.

“Call down and order,” I tell him.

MEL

Lindsay was calling Sam again, trying to get him to pay for our trip home. I didn’t want to sit and listen to her begging for him to answer, it was like looking at myself. I left her in the room, just needing to get away. I walked down the stairs, not wanting to be around people. I heard voices on the stairs and recognized the asshole’s voice. I followed, but they stopped at the bottom, with Brian all over the guy, but it was different, as if the asshole had feelings…

“I love you,” I hear him whisper.

“I love you too. Let’s get home, I miss the kids,”

They opened the door and walked through. I followed, confused at Brian’s behavior. They went into the restaurant and waited, kissing and holding each other, as if Brian really meant he loved someone, other than himself. I heard a call for Justin Taylor and the blond got up with Brian and got the food. They left, too involved in each other to pay any attention to me.

I went back up the stairs, pissed and jealous of Brian, which was normal ever since I’d met Lindsay. The door was open and Michael was there with Lindsay. He left when Deb called, telling him she got a room for them. Deb took off like the hot head she is, not knowing where to go, and called a couple hours later saying she didn’t want Michael staying with us, since the reason Michael got in trouble was because he followed me.

“Ma said she was going to try to catch Ted and get him to tell Brian that suing Mel is bullshit,” Michael tells her.

“Mel said they could trace the address to the computer,” Lindsay tells him.

“Fuck. You sent one of them from my store,” Michael freaks out.

“The rest were from her laptop, but maybe Brian was just trying to scare Mel,” Lindsay tells him.

“Didn’t you say your accounts are frozen? I doubt even Brian could do that, unless he has proof,” He tells her.

I pulled out my phone and called the bank. I hung up defeated, Lindsay’s game just bit me in the ass. I came up here to ask her if the Justin she'd been bitching about was the same Justin that Brian was with, and to tell my darling wife that Brian had a little family. Now I just wanted to strangle Lindsay for losing everything we owned.

Instead of walking into the room, I called Tricia and got her to book a ticket for me to come home.

“Why are you still with her when I love you?” Tricia asks.

“I’m packing my things when I get back,” I tell her, not telling her that I plan to go live in Florida with my family.

“Finally. I can be at the airport to pick you up,” She tells me, excited.

“I need to settle things first, then we can talk,” I hang up, tired of everything.

TED

Blake called to see if it was okay if a friend of his could meet with us for lunch.

“I haven’t seen him in years and he just got into town. Maybe bring your friend Emmett to round out the group?” He begs.

“If you want to have lunch with him alone, we can just have dinner tonight,” I tell him.

“I hope you don’t mind but I mentioned to him that we were going to the opera together and he arranged a box for everyone,” He tells me.

“Tell him thanks,” I said, wondering who the friend was, that he was able to get a box two days before the show.

“He’s excited because you're the first guy I really talked to him about. He wanted to do something for the man that made me want to stay in one place,” He tells me.

I hung up after agreeing to meet them at the restaurant. I called Emmett and he agreed to come, because he wanted to meet the man who brought his Teddy home. We were waiting outside for Blake and the friend, when Emmett got the same look he had when Michael shows up. I looked over to see Mel walking towards us. She was on the phone and walked by us without saying anything, then turned and saw us.

“Ted…”

“Ted, hey, meet Drew,” Blake smiles, walking past Mel who he cut off.

“Ted, I’m sorry,” Mel tells me.

“In the immortal words of Brian Kinney, sorry is bullshit, and I no longer have it in me to accept anything from you,” I tell her.

“Is there a problem?” Drew asks.

“Not at all, Emmett and I are excited to meet you,” I tell Drew, and offered Blake my arm.

“I guess that leaves us,” Drew smiles at Emmett.

Mel stood watching us, and I wanted to leave her the way she left me. I just wasn’t that kind of person. “I’ll be there in a minute,” I tell Emmett.

“Teddy, are you sure?” Emmett asks.

“Yes, get to know Blake and Drew,” I tell him.

Mel followed me down the sidewalk and we found a bench. When she sat down, I left space between us.

“What do you want, money?” I ask.

“I want my life back. I miss when we were still friends,” She tells me.

“I don’t want or need a friend who could do the things you did,” I tell her.

“You need fucking Brian?” She asks.

“If that’s the only thing you have to say, then I have a date,” I tell her.

“I’m leaving Lindsay,” She tells me.

“Okay. But why tell me?” I ask.

“Brian is suing me, but I didn’t send those emails. Lindsay and Michael did, it’s just they did it from my computer and email account. I wanted to see if you would get Brian to leave me alone and go after them,” She tells me.

“Nope. You sided with them when I needed you, you deal with it,” I tell her, leaving.

EMMETT

I might have done a happy dance in my head when Drew walked me in and pulled out my chair. I know I was glad no one could see the thoughts floating in my head when he sat next to me, asking me to do him the honor of letting him treat me to lunch. Only there was a part of me that wanted to go outside and make sure Mel wasn’t doing a number on Teddy. Teddy came in a minute later and kissed Blake, saying he was starving. I let the tension go when I saw that he was okay.

“How did you two meet?” Ted asked Drew and Blake.

“Blake was helping with one of my teammate’s kids. I hit on him and he offered friendship instead,” Drew tells us, laughing.

“He wasn’t even serious. Afterwards we just started hanging out. It kept his teammates from offering up every gay man they met,” Blake tells us.

“What about you two?” Drew asks Emmett.

“I met Ted through mutual friends. When he was moving here, I came with him,” I tell them the bare bones.

“We all moved because life in Pittsburgh wasn’t the life any of us wanted,” Ted tells me.

I smiled and felt like I could put down the sword I carried for so long for Teddy. I turned to Drew and decided to see what interesting things I could get myself into.

JUSTIN

Brian and I walked in the house and found Carl and Joan sitting on the couch. Carl had his arm around Joan who was holding Lily. Gus was watching TV, but got up and ran to us.

“I didn’t get scared,” He announces to Brian.

“He got up once but Carl laid with him until he fell back to sleep,” Joan tells us.

“He said he would keep the bad dreams away. I didn’t have none,” Gus tells us.

Brian hugged Gus and mouthed ‘thank you’ to Carl.

“It’s my job too,” Carl tells him.

“We brought breakfast,” I tell them.

“I thought I’d take my fellow babysitter out,” Joan tells us.

They left while Brian got everything ready at the table. I went to change and came back, stopping to look at my family. Brian was holding Lily and helping Gus eat. I leaned over, kissing him and taking Lily, so he could drink his coffee.

“What’s your day like?” Brian asks me.

“Clear, Sam wanted to wait a couple days before I see his work,” I tell him.

“How do you feel about looking at houses?” Brian asks.

“Why?” I ask.

“CJ wants to look around here, he’s being stationed at a base near by,” Brian tells me.

“Oh… that’s great,” I tell him, worried that I was disappointed.

“Maybe we’ll see something.” He tells me, smiling.

BRIAN

Ted and I were walking out of Kinnetik with CJ. Ted got all the paperwork filled out for CJ and Diana to take to the bank. We were waiting for Carl and Justin to get here when I saw Deb sitting across the street, glaring at me. She keep the correct distance and part of me wanted to close it to see her run to stay out of jail, but the rest didn’t see any reason to talk to her. One thing about Deb is that she will work her way around getting what she wants, and CJ didn’t have a restraining order. She turned her glare on CJ.

“This is what your brother does to family, tosses them aside when we stand up to him. I was once a mother to Brian,” She yells across the street.

“You threw him to the wolves when he didn’t fall in line. He already had Jack if he wanted that form of parenting,” Ted raises his voice to Deb, shocking me into silence.

“I loved both of you, but you couldn’t expect me to stand by when Brian wasn’t doing anything but trying to hurt Michael,” She tells him.

“Brian, don’t call the cops, it’s time Debra sees the truth, not the bandages we hid it with,” Ted tells me, walking right up to her.

I was about to stop him when CJ grabbed my arm. “You have to let him face his abusers, and be there if he needs it, not before,” CJ tells me, letting us follow Ted, not stop him.

Ted stood in front of her, unbuttoning the sleeves of his shirt. He never wore short sleeves because the damage told the story for him, and he hid them, scared of what they told people. Ted shoved both of his arms in front of her face, not letting her look away from it. “I wasn’t looking for attention, no matter what you want to believe for Michael’s sake. I was looking for a way out of the life I had damned myself to, because I fooled myself into believing I couldn’t live without Michael. Brian didn’t do anything but show me that there was a life that was worth living.” He tells her.

“Michael didn’t make you do this, you did this,” She tells him.

“I did, that’s actually the truth. Imagine that, you can see the truth. Let’s go with that and expand and see if we can stay with the TRUTH. While Brian applied pressure and kept me from dying - my partner, your son - stood in the doorway, looking at me sitting in a pool of blood and covering Brian with it, and called it a bid for attention. Not bothering to call an ambulance when Brian was screaming at him to. Then he shut the door when they took me out, saying he wasn’t in the mood to sit around the hospital. He then showed up when he found out he wasn’t the POA over me. Only showing up to tell me in detail about the guy he fucked while a doctor was repairing the damage I did. It didn’t really seem like a reason I would want him to have control over my life, which wouldn’t have been an issue if he had been the POA, because he would have let me die while saying it was all just a bid for attention. Let him know that even if I did, all the money I had wouldn’t have gone to him, but to my mother, who at least could see Brian saved her son’s life in more than one way. Hopefully, with the money off the table, Michael will look for someone else to fuck over,” Ted tells her, never once losing control of himself. It was the moment he made me the proudest I’ve ever been to be his friend.

“Deb.” Carl calls her as he walks up to her.

She turned to look at him, not opening her mouth to say a word to dispute Ted, it was hard for her to fight when Ted’s arms told her more than the bandages, which were all she ever saw.

“You need to leave my son and Ted alone. They aren’t bothering you or Michael, return the favor. It's time to leave them to live, away from the things that hurt them. All that you accomplished by coming here is showing them why they no longer wanted anything to do with you and your little gang,” He tells her.

“You don’t know your son like I do,” She tells him, regaining her fight.

“You don’t know my son and I don’t think you ever did. I got lucky, and Brian makes me as proud of him as I am of my first two children. I’m sure being proud of your child shouldn’t be anything new to you. Except, is there anything about Michael to be proud of?” Carl asks.

Deb didn’t answer but turned to go, seeing Gus walking towards me with Justin and Lily. I tensed when Gus saw Deb, but he kept skipping and stopped only when he got to me, holding out his arms for me to pick him up.

“Lily drank a whole bottle. Daddy says it’s cause she’s growing,” Gus tells me.

“Gus, remember me?” Deb says, trying to get his attention.

He looked at her as if he didn’t remember her, and turned to Justin. “Daddy says we can eat at the kid place today,” Gus tells me.

“When did you start calling Brian Daddy, Sweetheart?” Deb asks, trying to get Gus’s attention.

“I can feel the tension, but shake it off and don’t let her see it,” CJ whispered in my ear, before I blew up at her.

“It’s coming from you too,” I tell him.

“Then we don’t let her do this to us,” CJ tells me, waiting for my nod of agreement. I let my brother calm the need to strike back.

“He’s Dada, this is my Daddy, he gave me Lily,” Gus tells her, while CJ and I silently agree with each other. “Can we go now? Gil and Jason promised to play in the playground wiff me,” He begs me.

I didn’t say goodbye, but followed Ted, who didn’t button up his shirt. “The scars are a reminder of my survival, not my shame,” Ted told us.

I held out my arm when Justin seemed to be waiting to see if it was okay to comfort me. Words weren’t necessary when the man in my arms could heal with his touch.

CARL

I watched Brian and CJ lean on each other when they were both holding back. They saw the futility in fighting a battle where in the end, no one won, but lost more by staying in an eternal battle. I'd say I was proud, but it seems too small of a word to describe how I feel about the men walking away.

“Why does Brian have to be miserable for you to be happy?” I ask.

“Because he makes Michael suffer for his happiness,” She tells me.

“How, by not being there?” I ask, not understanding her logic.

“Michael had to live in the shadow of Mr. Popular, feeling like he was the booby prize for the men Brian rejected. Constantly being overlooked unless the a trick thought Michael would be a way to get to Brian. Everything got better for Michael when he and Ted were together. He was getting the things that Brian showed off; the clothes, the restaurants, and respect of men that saw Brian for the narcissistic asshole he was. Ted should have stayed and let Michael help him, but Brian couldn’t have that either, now the friends he made through Ted snub Michael. They all treat my son like he was the one who slashed up Ted’s arms,” She tells me.

“So this is about Michael wanting to be popular. In your head, you ignore the fact that Ted tried to kill himself and are upset Michael couldn’t hang out with the A list. Who’s really the narcissist? Brian? Or your son, who doles out love for what it gets him? Why am I even standing here when even your brother saw the leeches draining the life out of people they were supposed to love. Brian didn’t have you arrested, but I will if I see you near him or his children,” I tell her.

“That asshole doesn’t have the capability to be a good father,” She tells me.

“My son knows everything about bad parenting, in that I'll agree with you. I won't agree that he’s repeating what he learned in the Kinney’s house or even yours. He rose above it by doing everything he could for Gus. His life became staying up, so when Gus had nightmares, Brian was there to get the monsters away. He's showing his son that it wasn't Gus’s fault his mother treated having a child as something fun to do, but only for a while. He's doing for his son what no one did for him. His daughter will never know anything but that her father worships every minute she's in his life. For me it shows a father I still aspire to become, for all my children. You don’t get to pass judgment on him when you made him lie because he trusted you. Did you like sitting next to Jack Kinney and protecting an abuser over a fourteen year old? If you did, then judge yourself as a mother figure before judging my son's ability to love his children,” I tell her, walking off.

DEBRA

I followed them after they all thought they could talk to me as if I would just take their bullshit. Ted walked away towards Emmett and two other guys. I watched as Ted kissed one of them and walked off holding his hand. They tried to convince me to feel sorry for Ted, but not even a year later he’s all over someone else. I was going to let him know how I felt about it, but stopped when I saw a look in the guy's eye, it was something I'd never seen when Michael looked at Ted. It was something I'd never seen directed at me either, it was pure love. No. I saw it in my brother's eyes when I was alone having Michael. Vic didn’t let me do it alone, but was there holding my hand, telling me the pain would be forgotten. He never once complained when he was getting up at all hours of the night so I could rest when I worked doubles to keep a roof over our heads. He just reminded me that he did everything out of love for me.

It was time to stop punishing people for my sins. I turned to go and Brian was standing there. I tensed, waiting for another bash on my character.

“I've never asked you for anything, but I will. Let us go, we're happy for the first time,” He tells me.

I nodded, before walking away in tears.

ALEX

I honestly wanted to tell my assistant no when she told me who asked to see me. Debra wasn't someone I felt was treatable. She only sees things the way she wants to and expects people to take it as the only truth. The only reason I could see her coming here was to cause problems for my patients, who were finally beginning to heal. In true Deb Novotny form, she wouldn't budge unless I saw her.

I made a call, because if Brian or Ted wanted me to, I would let Debra sit there all day. Brian said it was up to me and hung up, sounding like his new life made the old one unimportant. For that I silently thanked his family and Justin. Ted gave me an abbreviated version of what happened in New York a few days ago, with the final thing he said being that he saw tears in Deb's eyes after Brian said something to her. Curiosity got the better of me and I let her come in.

“Before we talk there are rules you will understand and follow. I will not speak about Brian or Ted’s therapy or listen to anything you feel should change my view of my patients. There will be no questions involving their lives unless it relates to how you abused their trust in you. Michael will not be innocent, regardless of how you twist the facts to suit him. I won't listen to anything that preaches how being a mother outweighs being a father. Those are the rules that decide whether there is anything left to talk about,” I tell her.

“I’m not here to cause any more problems for Brian, he asked me to let him be happy. I can’t defend Michael anymore because I saw something in eyes of the guy Ted is dating that I never saw in Michael’s when he looked at Ted. The girls I can’t control, and I will no longer can stand by them since I saw how happy and confident Gus has become, when he always seemed to shy away from people before. I came to you because I want to be someone my brother loves again,” She tells me.

“Fair enough, but therapy involves seeing yourself for the things you did to cause the people in your life to push you away. It also means admitting that as a mother and sister you've failed in those relationships. You can’t change the facts that I know, and would be better off with a therapist who doesn’t know you if you want to continue to lie to yourself. If you want me to work with you, you get to schedule an appointment like every other patient I see, because I won’t see you just because you force your way in,” I tell her.

Deb nodded, getting up to leave my office. “Thank you. I know you don’t like me,” She tells me.

“I don’t have to, but hopefully with time I can help you figure out a way to help you like yourself,” I tell her.

JUSTIN

Brian called, asking me to come see a house CJ was thinking of buying. I had been at Sam’s house looking at the paintings for his Pandora’s Box show and caught a cab to meet Brian and CJ. The door was open when I got there, so I went in and started looking for Brian and CJ. I found Brian standing in the living room alone.

“Where’s CJ?” I ask, looking around, thinking CJ had good taste in houses.

“Diana wanted to look at a house a block over,” He tells me.

“Are we going over there too?” I ask.

“I thought we could look around this one first. It’s five bedrooms with a large yard in the back,” He tells me.

We walked around the upstairs and I could see why CJ would like it. There was room for the family to grow. The kitchen had all new appliances and the back yard was fenced in with a pool and room for the kids to play. I couldn’t find any reason why CJ and Diana were looking at another house. Brian grabbed my hand and told me we had one more room to look at.

“It’s was designed to let light in from all angles,” He tells me.

It was an artist’s dream for a studio. There were windows overhead so lights would only be needed at night. “What do you think?” Brian asks.

“I think I’m jealous, but it’s a perfect place to raise a family,” I tell him.

“I thought so too, but wanted to make sure you loved the home I want us to buy,” He tells me.

“What?” I ask.

“I want us to buy this house and raise our family here,” He tells me.

“You have a house, and so do I,” I tell him.

“We have two children who are going to need their own bedrooms, you need a studio, and I need an office. This house has those things. I share the ownership of the house I live in with Ted and Emmett, which they can afford to buy me out of. I need to let Ted have more independence, because one of the steps in his recovery is taking control of his life. I want this with you,” He tells me.

“You had to make me love it didn’t you?” I ask, kissing him.

BRIAN

Convincing Justin that we needed this house was really just the easy part. The next part was where I wasn’t sure he would think we were ready.

“Marry me?” I ask.

“You want it all, and there's part of me that wants to say yes, but…” he says, but I stopped him.

“I know it's fast, and we could wait until we’ve known each other longer. If you need that then I'll be okay with it. For me, it will only be you, so waiting won’t bother me. One of the reasons I don't see the point in waiting is that our children need the legal aspects a marriage provides. If something were to happen to either of us, it could open the possibility of Gus and Lily’s custody being given to the wrong people. I still have to prove I'm Lily's father, and I'm hoping you'll be willing to adopt Gus so he never lives with the fear of his mother getting him again. All that aside, we both love each other, which like I said, won’t change for me,” I tell him.  

Justin leaned his head back to look in my eyes for a second. “Are you sure?” He asks.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” I tell him.

“I’ll marry you whenever you want,” He tells me, sealing it with a kiss.

I called CJ to see if he'd watch Gus and Lily. I wanted to celebrate tonight.

EMMETT

Ted was climbing the walls waiting for everyone to get ready to go to the opera tonight. CJ and Edward were happy to stay with the kids. I figured I'd have a early night with Ben and Jerry, after making snacks for everyone.

When Blake showed up, Ted forgot he was bringing the women with him and almost left without them. Carl told Ted he’d drive his daughters and Joan. Carl wasn’t as thrilled, but was going because Joan and Peter were excited. John told the guys it was something Peter hid from Jack and Claire, apparently only faggots liked classical music according to them.

“Yet Emmett, Brian, and Justin aren't fans, so once again it proves how little either of them knew,” CJ tells him.

“They both wanted Peter and me to believe Uncle Brian would make us gay. Yet all Uncle Brian did was help us. I told my mother before she was sentenced, being gay wasn’t as bad as beating your kids,” John tells him.

“Being gay doesn’t change the person you are either. I serve with men and women who come from all walks of life, and the only important thing about any of them is knowing they will have your back if you need them,” CJ tells him.

“Is that why you didn't have a problem with Uncle Brian?” John asks.

“He's my brother, that's all I see. It’s the only thing that should ever matter. My father taught us to know someone before judging and convicting them. He had a hard time at first with Edward, but only because people still see the color of skin, not that Edward loves my sister or that she loves him. I remember he and I arguing about it and I remembered an old show where the people on the planet were at war because of one difference in them. One side of their faces were blue and the other side was white. It was only a difference in left and right but it mattered to them, regardless of the fact everything else was the same. I asked my dad if he would love his grandchildren less because they weren't completely white. He told me it didn’t matter because we were family. In a way it made it easier for us to accept that Brian was gay, because in the end it's about loving your family,” CJ tells us.

“It's why I called Uncle Brian, he didn’t care how we treated him, only that we needed him. Even after having to listen to me repeat the same things my mother and grandfather said to him, he still helped us,” John tells us.

I was enjoying the debate and ran to answer the door, hoping to put my opinion in. Drew was standing there a with flowers, and that was more interesting to me.

“I meant to call and see if you'd like to have dinner with me,” He tells me.

“Go ahead, have fun. John and I will fill you in later,” CJ tells me.

“I didn’t want to leave Gus, in case,” I tell him.

“Brian and Justin are only a phone call away. I doubt they would want you to ruin a night out, when they'd come anyway,” Edward tells me.

“I need to get dressed,” I tell Drew, leaving him with everyone.

I hurried, but wanted to look good for our first date alone. I came out to see the younger kids crawling all over the guys who were playing a video game. Drew was holding Lily with Gus sitting next to him. He really just had to give me another reason to want to have a relationship with him.

“Uncle Emmett says he wants lots of munchkins one day,” Gus tells him.

“He probably hopes they'll be as good as you and your Lily,” Drew tells him.

“My dad and daddy say no one could be better than us,” Gus tells him, smiling.

It took me a second, because Gus’s confidence was a victory to savor. It was everything Brian and I worked towards, after what happened. It was also a moment when I realized my role was changing from being the strong one. Brian was coming home, and I could let go and be me again.

“I'm ready,” I tell Drew, meaning it in more ways than one.

BRIAN

I left Justin asleep and answered the call Sam made tonight. I wanted Justin and me to have tonight be only about us, but reality wasn’t going to wait.

“I just wanted you to know that Lindsay and Michael are still around. I didn’t want you to think I had anything to do with it,” He tells me.

“Did they say why they're still here?” I ask.

“Lindsay said she wanted me to see that we should be together. I think she has Michael footing the bill, otherwise I couldn’t tell you why he stayed,” He tells me.

“Hopefully they'll stay away. This is a big opportunity for Justin, but he'll give it up if it affects our family,” I tell him.

“I'll make sure he doesn't even know they're here. It was just a heads up for you, because of your children. Lindsay found out about Lily,” He tells me.

“Did she say how she found out?” I ask.

“No. But she really didn't seem to care about the baby. She went on and on about how her ‘lambskin’ needed her, because you've replaced him with another kid,” He tells me.

“Thanks for letting me know,” I tell him, hanging up.

“Did Sam really want me in his show, or did you talk him into it?” Justin asks quietly behind me.

“He and I only talked to each other after you kept refusing. You kept using the excuse that you didn’t have time, but the paintings he wanted were already finished. One of the things I won’t let happen is letting my past hurt your life. I did tell Sam why you were saying no. If he didn’t want you for his show then he wouldn’t have done what he did to get you to agree. Your talent is what got you this show. I just wanted you to say yes or no based on what you really wanted,” I tell him.

Justin came over to me and led me to the couch. We sat there holding each other with me thinking that it was time to do what Ted did- face the people who tried to screw up my life.

“I need to talk to Lindsay and Michael,” I tell him.

“The way they seem, do you really think they’ll even listen to you?” He asks.

“I don’t know, but I don’t want either of them to keep reappearing and causing problems. Michael staying around can only be because he wants something from Ted. Lindsay doesn’t care about me or Gus, so I can only think something happened and she doesn’t have her father spoiling his pampered princess,” I tell him.

“Even if you offer to pay them to go, they’ll just come back when they need more money,” Justin tells me.

“I don’t plan to offer them money, they would both just keep expecting more. I want to show them they aren’t dealing with the people they were when we were in Pittsburgh,” I tell him.

Justin and I went back to bed and in the morning I told him we could meet for lunch with the kids. Tonight we were going to announce to the family the decision we made.

Sam told me the motel Michael and Lindsay were staying at. It wasn’t a place Lindsay would have been happy to stay at. They were both bickering in the room loud enough that everyone could hear them. It took a couple knocks before they both quieted down and Michael answered, rolling his eyes at seeing me stand there.

“To what do we owe the honor of you showing up?” He sneered.

“I’m giving you both the chance to go away and not sue you for what little you have,” I tell them.

“For what? Staying in New York. It’s a big place, and really we aren’t the ones who violated your restraining order, you are,” Lindsay tells me.

“The rats are jumping the ship. Mel seems to think turning on you two will get her somewhere. Well, Lindsay’s safe, but since you used your computer at your shop to send emails to companies I do business with, you’re really not. Wait, Lindsay loses everything, because Mel was smarter than I thought, nothing belongs to Lindsay, everything is in Mel’s name. Truthfully, I’m not feeling very charitable, but I’ll leave you alone Michael - if you leave and never return. Lindsay on the other hand, stay, but know this, Sam will close every door to the art world in your face. Even Sydney won’t keep your ass if the artists Sam know refuse any invitation to show with him because of you. I guess daddy will help, or will he? I should call your mother and ask her. Or, like I said, leave and maybe save something that won’t have you both living in shitholes like this,” I tell them.

“Why was my mother helping you?” Lindsay asks.

“I haven’t a clue. Only that in helping me she was once again showing you how much she loves you,” I tell her.

“I really wondered why Sam wanted some unknown artist. But I guess the kid saw the advantage of having your baby. He and I could compare notes, since we seem to have so much in common,” Lindsay tells me, not even caring that she admitted why she had Gus.

“And he has talent that Sam admires, let's not forget that. Apparently the talents you used, he didn’t admire,” I tell her, leaving her fuming.

I got to my car before Michael came up to me.  “Something you need to add?” I ask.

“I used to laugh that you believed we were friends. People called you the stud, but really, you were just another whore of Babylon, without getting paid for your services,” He tells me.

“It was better then being you anyday Michael. Of course, I got a father worth having, through Jack Kinney. I wonder how the shrine you call your father compares to the Drag Queen who really is your father,” I tell him, getting in my car and leaving.

TED

I pretended to be asleep when Blake got up. After the opera, Blake invited me to his apartment. We barely got in the door when he started taking off my clothes. I hadn’t talked to him about what my shirts hid, but he saw them. I waited all night for him to ask and then when we were both in bed for the first time I forgot about anything but the man who enjoyed what we did together and made sure I knew he did.

“Ted, I made breakfast and I know you're awake,” He tells me, rolling me over to face him.

“I’m not ready for the night to be over,” I tell him, kissing him.

“There are going to be more nights and maybe days in our future,” He tells me, sitting down next to me.

“You aren’t going to ask?” I ask him, to get this over with.

Blake pulled my arm onto his lap and ran his finger over the scars. Then leaned over, kissing each one. “You're here with me. These are your past,” He tells me.

“I look forward to my future with you,” I tell him.

JUSTIN

I came over to get Gus and Lily. When I saw Gus, I decided to send Brian the picture. Carl was on laying on the couch with Gus laying on top of him, both dead asleep. I went into the kitchen to hang out until they woke up.

“Where is everyone?” I ask, when I only found Joan and Shelly in the kitchen talking.

“CJ took John and Peter with the rest of the family to breakfast and then they wanted to show the house they are planning to buy,” Shelly tells me.

“Ted and Blake left after the opera, and CJ told us Emmett went out with Drew,” Joan tells me.

“We decided to enjoy the morning of quiet,” Shelly tells me, smiling at Joan.

“It’s going to be strange to go home after having so many people around,” Joan tells her.

“Brian is going to miss them all,” I tell them.

“Carl and I talked about it and we both plan to visit often. CJ and Brian live here, he even invited me to go with him to visit when Vicky has the baby,” Joan tells us, blushing.

“Where’s Brian?” Carl asks, carrying in Gus and Lily.

Gus got down and climbed in my lap, laying his head on my shoulder falling back to sleep.

“He stayed up late, wanting to see us when we got back,” Carl tells me.

“Since I have you and Joan here, I wanted to ask your permission to marry your son,” I ask them.

“I would be happy to call you my son,” Carl tells me.

Brian came in to Joan running over and hugging him. “You couldn’t wait could you?” He asks, smiling.

BRIAN

Justin was thinking hard about something in the car. I thought he was going to ask about Michael and Lindsay, but it wasn’t what he was thinking about.

“I want to change my last name when we get married,” He tells me.

“You're known as Justin Taylor in art circles. It’s better to stick to a name that’s recognized,” I tell him, not wanting Kinney attached to Justin.

“I would keep Taylor for my career, but I like the idea of Lily being a Horvath,” He surprises me.

I sat thinking about that for the rest of the day. One of the reasons I hadn’t thought of it is because like Justin, my career was built as Brian Kinney. It was the only thing I could say the last name was worth to me.

We were getting ready to have dinner with everyone, since my dad wanted everyone to share in our news, and I kept wondering if it bothered Carl that my last name wasn’t his.

“Do you think my dad cares that we don't have the same last name?” I ask Justin.

“If he does he hasn't made it obvious. It’s something I sort of thought about. If I change my last name, you could hyphenate yours to reflect mine changing. It wouldn’t have to change in business, He tells me.

“It doesn’t bother you that Taylor won't be included?” I ask.

“Taylor isn't a name that means anything to me. My father is the only one left that it attaches me to and he's not really a reason I'd want it,” He tells me.

When we got to the house, I'd made a decision.

“We’d like to announce that Justin and I are getting married. Justin requested that instead of keeping his name he'd like to take mine, so Kinney-Horvath it is,” I tell everyone.

BRIAN

Justin and I had a small ceremony with the family a couple of months later, we wanted everyone there. Edward and Vicky stayed an extra week so they could help with Lily and Gus while Justin and I took a short honeymoon. I loved seeing my sister finally showing, she glowed.

Justin had a show to do along with Sam's, so we both agreed to do a real honeymoon later. When we got back, I left Justin with the kids, who missed us. It was time to give Ted his independence. I talked to Alex, who agreed Ted was in a place where he needed to us to show him he was capable of leading his own life.

I walked into the house we bought to help us heal from our past, thinking of all the things that brought us to making this family we’d created. Michael went home after our talk and apparently threw Deb out of his life for lying to him. Alex said Michael met a doctor and left Pittsburgh when the guy offered him the life he tried to make Ted pay for. Apparently it was wanting to hang out with the A Gay list that had Michael trying to get Ted to come back. When he moved to Portland, it really just made us all happy he'd be on the other side of the continent. Lindsay tried to win Sam over when she and Mel lost everything to me. I pissed her off even more when I gave it all to charity. For me it wasn't about the money, but a way for them to both see I wasn’t playing games with my family. Like a cat, Lindsay landed on her feet, marrying a successful lawyer who was obviously desperate if Lindsay was who she wanted. Mel cleaned up her act and stayed with her family, no longer having any contact with anyone from her old life. Deb, and yes I can call her that now, understood when I told her I didn't see a place in my family's life for her. My parents were getting closer, and Dad wanted to help Mom raise Peter and John. I just didn’t see Deb as someone my mother would want around. I did talk to Vic and found out he and Deb made peace with each other. So she had someone when Michael took off. My life was too full of good things to care. ‘Today is going to be better than yesterday’ as my mom started telling everyone.

I got a surprise when Ted and Emmett didn’t want the house.

“It’s served its purpose, but it's time for all of us to move on,” Ted tells me, smiling at Blake.

“Drew wants me to travel with him, and we agreed that when we're here we’ll live in his house,” Emmett tells me.

“Shelly?” I ask her.

“It's time for me to help the next patient, but not to worry, I'll be living here. Ted and Blake found an apartment we can share,” She tells me.

We agreed to sell the house, because it needed a family. Ours was outgrowing it.

It seems like everything was wine and roses, but there were days when I couldn’t talk, and Justin left me with my phone and took the kids out while I called Alex. Ted was still seeing Alex, but more to keep his problems from drowning out the good things in life. Gus on the other hand no longer remembered anything but the family that showed him he was loved. It was more important to me that my son became the little boy I wanted him to be, happy.

TWO YEARS LATER

Once again I was waiting in the park with everyone. Gus was helping Lily on the slide. Ted was complaining he was starving when Emmett hit his hand for trying to sneak a snack. CJ and Diana were holding their newest child, Oscar, who just told them both they were destined for boys. Vicky cuddled with her daughter Rose. Apparently Gus decided all the girls should be named for flowers and his favorite Aunt Vicky gave in. I saw Justin hurrying into the park, but not towards us. I got up to see where the hell he was going, he shouldn't be running in his condition. I got to him in time to see him at the Sabrett cart, ordering a hotdog.

“I'm going to eat this, unlike the last time,” He tells me, devouring it.

“Emmett made your favorite, why would you want that?” I ask, as he finishes the last bite.

“Because… mother fu… I didn’t get it the last time,” He tells me.

“Goddamn it, you're in labor and you want a fucking hotdog?” I ask, incredulous.

“Which I got, so can we go?” He asks, gripping my arm to stay standing.

The family packed up and once again took Justin to deliver our child. She came out screaming, but beautiful. Gus smiled, saying Iris really had lungs.

In the room, I took Iris first to my father.