To Everything a Season
Julesmonster


Chapter 1: A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.


To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;

A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

A time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose;

A time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew;

A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate;

A time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

The Bible: American King James Version


Part One

A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.



Brian followed behind Jake Daniels trying to take in all of the instructions he was being given, but his mind kept wandering.  He thought about the fact that his name was almost Jack Daniels, and wondered if he actually drank that or if he had been teased so much as a kid that he hated the shit.  Brian was certain he drank something because he reeked of alcohol.  He was thinking about how old and ugly the man was and then he wondered how long it had been since he got laid, because really, who gives a fuck about the mixture of fertilizer to soil ratio?  Besides, all this shit was in the meticulously kept binder that the man had given him the day before.



“Now Brian, each week I’ll have a list of chores that need to get done and I’ll expect you to work with Jose and Raul to get them done,” Daniels went on.  They had arrived back at the gardener’s shed, which Brian thought was more of a barn it was so big.  “One last thing: the boys up at the school… they sometimes are about while you’re working.  You are not to interact with them at all.  Most of them will simply ignore your presence, but there is always one or two who are looking for trouble or attention.  Stay away from them if you want to keep your job.”



“Right,” Brian agreed.  He wasn’t concerned with the schoolboys.  These little rich fucks didn’t interest him in the least.



“Alright then,” Daniels said with a short nod.  “I’ll leave you to get started.”



Brian looked at his list for the week.  They had to mow the lawns every week but they were to clear some of the undergrowth out of the orchard and plant the pallets of fall flowers in the beds in front of the main school building this week as well.  Sounded easy enough.  He sent Raul and Jose to the orchard and he went to the huge riding mower in the barn.  He checked the fuel level before starting it up and heading across the campus to the south lawns.  He’d mow from the lacrosse field over to the greenhouses this morning, check on Raul and Jose, have lunch, and then do the greens by the dormitories that afternoon.  The courtyard would have to be done on Saturdays, when the boys weren’t in class.



In the summer, the school hired a few college kids to keep up with the extra work, but the fall winter and spring was just Daniels, Brian, Jose and Raul—to whom Daniels refused to speak.  Since Brian hadn’t seen any evidence that Daniels actually did anything but drink all day, he was pretty sure that he’d be the one doing most of the work and supervising the other workers as well.



As he rode the mower in the unusually hot September sun, Brian thought about how lucky he had been to get this job.  Daniels certainly wouldn’t have hired him.  But Brian had been doing lawn care around some of the suburbs since he was old enough to catch a bus on his own.  If he wanted money for clothes or new shoes, or even school supplies, it had to come from somewhere, so Brian had started knocking on the doors of the rich people—people he now knew were just middle class but they seemed rich to him at the time—and got some regular customers.  He used their mowers and trimming equipment, but he was good at what he did and he worked hard for less money than the big companies.



One of those customers, Larry Chase, was the Assistant Headmaster of the St. James Academy for Boys.  It was a boarding school for the truly rich.  They needed a new assistant to the groundskeeper and Mr. Chase had thought of Brian.  The pay was great, the work was year round, not just the summer months, and Brian could still take night courses at Carnegie Mellon.  He’d just graduated from high school that June and he loved the fact that he could finally get the hell out of his parents’ home.  He also loved the fact that he was finally learning something useful. There was no way he wanted to be cutting grass for the rest of his life.  He had plans that didn’t include sweating his ass off every day.



In the meantime, he’d do what he had to succeed, including put up with a drunk boss and snotty rich boys.



BJBJBJBJBJ



Brian knew that some of the boys watched him work.  He wasn’t surprised, He was fucking hot and in a school of two hundred boys there had to be a few fags—not to mention a few boys horny enough to experiment with whatever was at hand.  Two weeks after starting at St. James, however, he began to feel like one particular set of eyes were on him more than the others.  He hadn’t yet been able to pick out which of the little rich boys was stalking him, but he knew that eventually the little fucker would show himself.



It was while he was replacing some of the cracked and broken flagstones on the path between the greenhouses and the main school that Brian knew his stalker was about to introduce himself.  He never stopped working, but Brian did glance over at the corner of the greenhouse where a blond head was peeking at him.  Brian’s first impression was of that shockingly light blond hair shining in the sun like a halo and luminous blue eyes that seemed to glow with an inner fire.  Brian caught his breath at the boy’s beauty.



“You can come out,” Brian drawled, not letting the boy know how much he affected him.  “I know you’ve been watching me.”



The boy, who couldn’t have been more than twelve, stepped slowly out into the open and Brian got his first full look at the boy.  Brian could tell even from twenty feet away that the boy was small for his age.  And painfully shy.  But he looked good in his school uniform and Brian could see that he was going to be a heartbreaker someday.



“What’s your name?”  Brian asked.  He set the flagstone in place in the sand base he’d laid earlier and used a level to make sure it was flat.  Once that was done, he looked up at the boy, who was still silent.  “Well?”



“J-Justin,” the kid stammered out.



Brian nodded and took a drink of his large bottle of water.  He grabbed his discarded shirt and used it to wipe the sweat from his face.



“I’m Brian,” Brian told him.  “You aren’t supposed to be out here are you?”



Justin shook his head and looked guilty.  “I’m supposed to be in gym class.  But I suck at soccer and they never let me play, so I figured I’d just…”



“Stalk me,” Brian finished with a smirk.



“No!”  Justin denied with more vehemence than Brian had expected.  Then he blushed and was back to stammering.  “I-I mean… I was drawing you.  For art class.”



Brian raised his brow and looked at the kid.  He seemed sincere.  “Let me see.”



Justin bit his lip nervously, but walked over to Brian and held out the sketchpad in his hands. Brian took it and looked at the drawings of him.  The page was filled with small detailed sketches of parts of his body and face.  They were good—much better than Brian would have expected from a kid his age.  He’d seen college art majors who weren’t this good.  He flipped the page and found a drawing of him standing with his arms outstretched and his face turned into the sun.  He was bare-chested and his jeans showed every lithe muscle in his legs.  Even his cock was faintly visible through the tight denim.  Brian knew that he often stretched like that when he had been weeding or working in the flower beds for too long, but the way the kid had drawn it, he looked like both a religious icon and a sexual predator.  It was amazing.



He flipped through the pages and there were dozens of pictures of him along with places and other people around the campus.  None of them compared to that first picture of him.  He turned back to it.



“Can I buy this?” Brian asked.  “I want to own an original when you grow up to be a famous artist.”



Justin frowned.  “My art teacher hates that picture.  He says that it’s…pornographic.”



Brian chuckled.  “Your art teacher doesn’t know dick about pornography.  Or art.  I’ll give you twenty bucks for it.”



“I can’t…”  Justin shook his head and took his sketchpad back.  “I have to go.”



And then he was running away and headed for the main building.  Brian shrugged.  He was disappointed.  He had really liked that picture.  And the kid hadn’t been half bad either.



BJBJBJBJBJ



Two days after meeting Justin for the first time, Brian found the drawing he had offered to buy rolled up and tied with a red ribbon in his locker in the barn.  He never asked Justin how he had gotten it there, but he did thank him the next time he saw him around campus alone.  Justin had blushed and rushed off to class.



Brian took the drawing to a framer and used part of his hard earned money to get the drawing mounted and framed.  He hung it up in the bedroom of his shitty little apartment and stared at it every night before he went to sleep.



BJBJBJBJBJ



Fall was a busy time for Brian.  Not only did they have to collect the leaves from the grounds, but they had fruit to pick from the orchard and spring bulbs to plant.  There was fall pruning to be done and preparations for the winter months to be made.  On top of that, Brian was finding out that working full-time and going to school full-time was not as easy as he had hoped.  He had more schoolwork than he had ever had before.  By December, however, Brian had found a way to cope.  He found that if he was meticulously organized and worked ahead on assigned projects and readings he could keep up.  Then winter came, slowing his hectic work schedule just in time for Brian’s finals.



Brian had seen Justin sitting with his sketchbook often in the months since their first meeting.  He smiled and waved at him whenever he noticed the younger man.  Justin always blushed, but he waved back to him.  Lately, however, more and more of Brian’s time was being spent in the barn, doing maintenance on the equipment and making plans for the spring plantings.  In fact, Brian realized on the Saturday after his final exams that he hadn’t seen the kid around for a couple weeks.



Still, it wasn’t until Christmas Eve that he spoke the kid again.



There was snow and ice in the forecast for Christmas Day and Brian knew that if he didn’t get some salt down on the many sidewalks and paths around campus that it would be a bitch to try and clean them after.  Daniels was off on vacation, presumably visiting his grandkids in Ohio, but Brian had his doubts.  Brian had given Jose and Raul the day off for religious observances and was reluctant to call them in if he could do the job himself.  So he gassed up the four-wheeler and hooked up the small trailer.  He loaded the trailer with bags of salt and sand and the salt spreader, and soon he was off.



It was fucking freezing, but Brian spent most of the day preparing for the storm.  It wasn’t until afternoon, when he was finishing up the walks out in front of the dorms, that Justin came out to see him.  He was looking shy again and had another rolled up paper in his hands, tied with red and green ribbon this time.



“Merry Christmas,” Justin said with a shy smile.



Brian grinned back at him.  “Merry Christmas to you too.  What are you doing here?  I thought all the boys had gone home for the holidays.”



Justin shrugged.  “Most do.  Sometimes parents aren’t around to take their kids home, though.  Sometimes they have to stay.”



“Are there other boys here?” Brian asked.



“Just me this year,” Justin said.  “Last year there were two other kids and the year before that there were five of us.”



“Don’t you ever spend Christmas with your family?” Brian asked.   He pulled out his thermos of hot coffee and poured some into the lid cup.  He took a sip and then handed the cup to Justin.  The blond took a sip and smiled.



“That’s good,” Justin said.  “They won’t let us have coffee at school.  I usually have to wait until there’s a shopping weekend and they take us to the mall.”



“Well, you’re welcome to share my coffee,” Brian said.  “You didn’t answer my question.”



Justin stared into the cup of dark liquid and said quietly, “I spend all school breaks here. I haven’t been home at all since my dad got remarried.  His new wife doesn’t like kids.”



“What about your mom?” Brian asked.



“She died when I was five,” Justin said.  “Dad sent me here right after that.  I went home for holidays the first two years, but then he met Amber and…  He always sends lots of gifts, but I think he has his secretary buy them.”



“Fuck,” Brian muttered.  “I’m sorry.”



Justin nodded and handed back the cup.  Then he held out the paper in his hand with a flourish. “I made you a gift.”



Brian smiled down at the kid.  “I didn’t get you anything.”



“That’s okay,” Justin said.  “I’ve got loads of stuff.   I don’t really need anything.  Open it!”



Brian pulled the ribbon off the thick paper and unrolled it.  “Wow.”



This time Justin had made a made a watercolor portrait of him.  The fall leaves colored the background in splotches of reds and golds and greens.  In the foreground, he had portrayed Brian in very simple lines, using subtle shading to give life to the two-dimensional picture.  There was an effortlessness to the piece that was deceptive.  He used the suggestion of color and shape to indicate clothes, and the trees in the background, but Brian’s face was captured with a simple clarity that let the viewer see him as the artist saw him.  Brian was smiling and had a carefree look on his face that he didn’t recognize.  The entire piece was at once modern and timeless.



“Justin…”



“I did it for you,” Justin said when he sensed Brian was going to give the picture back.  “So you can’t not accept it.  That would be rude and hurt the poor little rich kid’s feelings.”



Brian laughed at that and Justin’s face lit up with a smile that could rival the sun.  “Thank you, Sunshine.”



Justin giggled in the way that only a boy his age could get away with.  “Sunshine?”



Brian shrugged and smiled.  “It fits you.”



“Does that mean I get to call you Stud?” Justin asked flirtatiously.  “It fits you.”



Brian laughed again.  “I don’t think so, Sunshine.”  He let Justin have the last sip of coffee before taking the cup back.  “You should go inside.  It’s freezing out here, and I still have some work to do before I can go home tonight.”



Justin’s face fell.  “Yeah.  I guess you’re right.”



“Wait,” Brian said before Justin could walk away, “what do they have planned for you tomorrow?”



Justin gave Brian a wary look.  “The dorm mother is the only one who’ll be here.  I’ll open my presents in the common room and then she’ll make lunch for us.  Then her grandkids will come spend the afternoon with her in her rooms and I’ll probably try to find space in my room for whatever junk my dad sent.”



Brian rolled his lips between his teeth indecisively.  Then swore, “Fuck it.”  Justin looked at him intently, waiting for whatever Brian had to say.  “I always spend Christmas morning with my friend Mikey’s family.  It’s just him, his mom and his Uncle Vic.  We’ll do dinner, but then… Well, if you think you can get away, we could hang out in the barn for a while.”



Justin was nodding enthusiastically before Brian had even finished his offer.  “Yes!  I’ll be there.  I promise.  What time?”



Brian chuckled.  “How’s three sound?”



Justin nodded again and let his bright smile out once more.  “I’ll see you then.  Merry Christmas Brian.”



“Merry Christmas Sunshine,” Brian said to his retreating back.  As the blond disappeared into the almost empty building, Brian wondered what the hell he thought he was doing.



BJBJBJBJBJ



Brian brought lots of food from Debbie’s when he returned the next day.  He also brought a small gift he had picked up from the store after his talk with Justin the night before.  When he had gone home the night before, Brian had studied the watercolor Justin had done and was amazed all over again at the talent this kid showed at his age.  He had brought the little tree that Debbie had snuck into his apartment a couple weeks ago and he set his present for Justin under it.  The radio was playing Christmas carols softly in the background and he had just set the coffee pot brewing—he had brought it in right after he started working there because he needed the caffeine—when he heard the quiet knock n the door.



“It’s open,” Brian called out and seconds later Justin was walking through the door.  His hair was damp from the ice and snow that was falling outside and he shook his head to clear some of it away before he shrugged out of his winter coat.



“It’s gross out there,” Justin said.



“I know,” Brian said.  “I had to catch a bus in that shit to get here.”



“I’m glad you came,” Justin said with a smile.  “Merry Christmas.”



Brian chuckled.  “Merry Christmas to you too, Sunshine.  Get over here by the space heater and get warm.  The coffee should be done soon.”



Justin sighed and took a seat on the ratty old sofa that the grounds keepers used for their breaks.  Brian thought it looked like one that might have once been in the dorm’s common area, but he couldn’t be sure.  At least it was comfortable, and with the space heater right there, he knew that Justin was warming up quickly.   Brian came over with two cups of coffee and joined the kid on the couch.  As soon as he sat down, Justin’s face flushed and Brian could feel the space heat up even further.



“Here,” Brain said as he handed Justin the cup he’d brought for him.  “I don’t have cream or sugar.  It’s too hard to keep around here.”



“That’s okay,” Justin said.  “I’ll take coffee however I can get it.  Thanks.”



Brian nodded.  “So how was your morning?  What did your dad send?”



Justin sat back and laughed.  “It was just like I told you it would be.  I opened gifts while Mrs. Norris watched and then we had lunch together.  My dad sent a new laptop, but he sends one every year.  Hey, you want my old one?  It’s still good as new, really.”



Brian, who had to use the computers in the labs at school, was not dumb enough to turn down the offer.  “Sure.  I could use it for school.”



“Where do you go?” Justin wondered.



“Carnegie Mellon,” Brian said with some pride.  “I got an academic scholarship to cover tuition, but I have to pay for my own housing and shit.  That’s why I work here.  It’s tough going to school and working, but it’s worth it if I don’t come out on the other end owing a shitload of money that I might not be able to pay back.”



“I can’t imagine you not succeeding in whatever you try to do,” Justin told him.  “You are going to be rich and successful someday.  I know it.”



Brian shrugged and smiled.  “I hope so.  I’m studying marketing and business.  I want to go into advertising when I graduate.”



“I want to be an artist,” Justin said.  “But I bet you already knew that.”



Brian chuckled.  “I did suspect.”   They both drank their coffee in silence for a while.  “There’s food.  Debbie, Mikey’s mom, is crazy about never letting me go home without shitloads of food.”



Justin got up and looked over some of the dishes.  “Wow.  She sent all of this?  Just for you?  How much did she cook, if this was only a portion of the leftovers.”



“She’s Italian,” Brian said.  “She always makes way too much food.”



Justin put a few things on a plate and went back over to the sofa and began to eat.  “Mmm.  This is… Wow.”



“Glad you like it,” Brian chuckled. “I’ll pass on your approval to Debbie.  She’s always looking for new mouths to feed.”



“The cafeteria here is supposed to be really great,” Justin said.  “All the brochures talk about the gourmet dining.  That’s such bullshit.  The food sucks.  But this…  Yeah, this would be worth sneaking out for.”



“Well, there’s dessert in the fridge too,” Brian said.  “I’m still stuffed from dinner, but you can have as much as you want.”



They talked for a little while about inconsequential things like politics and their favorite subjects in school.  But eventually, Brian asked, “So, how old are you, anyway?”



“Thirteen,” Justin said.  “And before you say it, yes, I am small for my age.  There are only two guys shorter than me in my grade.  Bet you never had that problem.  How old are you?”



“I’m eighteen,” Brian said.



“Have you ever…?”



“Have I what?” Brian asked.



Justin blushed a fiery red.  “Have you ever had sex?”



Brian smirked.  “Yes.  A lot actually.”



“I can see that,” Justin said thoughtfully, his blush still heating his face.  “I mean, you’re really hot.”



Brian laughed outright then.  “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.”



Justin shrugged and toyed with the remnants of his third plate of food.  “Maybe.  Not that I’d know.”



Brian touched his knee and said, “Hey.  Trust me.  When you get out of this place you’re going to have people panting over you, boys and girls both.”



Justin’s face lit up. “Thanks.  I’ve never had a boyfriend.”



“I’ve never had a boyfriend either,” Brian admitted.



“But you said…”



Brian gave Justin a small smile.  “Fucking and love aren’t the same thing.  I’ve done plenty of the former and don’t want to do the latter.”



“Why not?” Justin wondered.



Brian looked down into his coffee and frowned.  He got up and found the bottle of bourbon he’d stashed for later and poured a healthy dose into his cup.  Justin held his cup out and Brian rolled his eyes as he poured a small portion.



“I’m corrupting a minor,” Brian mused.



“Answer my question,” Justin said.



Brian took a gulp of the potent brew and nodded.  “Okay.  Love doesn’t really exist.  At least not like the fairy tales that the media tries to sell us.  All love really does is open you up to get your heart trampled on.  The people who are supposed to love you… Well, just look at you and your dad.  He’s a fucking maggot to treat you the way that he does.  And my dad… No.  I don’t want any part of that.”



Justin let his words sink in and thought about them for a few minutes before speaking.  “I can see where you’re coming from.  A part of me hates my dad for just dumping me up here.  And a part of me is hurt by it.  But I know that just because he is that way, doesn’t mean I have to be.”



“I’ll never be anything like my father,” Brian swore.



“And neither will I,” Justin said.  “But that doesn’t mean that I can’t love and be loved.  I mean… look at you with your friend Mikey and his family.  They love you.  I can tell.  No one sends that much food with someone they don’t love.  And you love them too.  I can see it in your face when you talk about them.  It may not be romantic love, but it’s not that far from one to the other.  The risk is still the same.  If you open your heart to anyone—friend, lover, family—there is always a chance that they will hurt you.  But isn’t it worth the risk for the right person?”



Brian thought about Justin’s words and wondered at how the kid could be so smart and still so young.  “I’ll let you know if it ever happens.  In the meantime, I’m enjoying myself and fucking as many men as I can.”



Justin looked a bit saddened by that, but he let it go.  “I used to have someone who loved me.  Besides my mom, that is.  I suppose she still does, though I haven’t seen her in eight years.  The best gift I got today was from Nelly, my old nanny.  My dad fired her when he sent me here, but she writes to me a few times a year and sends a new scarf for Christmas every year.  She knits them herself.  The other boys like to tease me because my scarves aren’t fashionable or expensive, but those scarves… that’s how I know that someone out there still loves me.  That makes them the most valuable thing I own.”



“I brought you a gift,” Brian said almost shyly.  “It’s not something I made, just something I thought you’d like after our talk last night.”



Brian got up and grabbed the box out from under the small tree and handed it to Justin.  Justin stared at the messily wrapped present with the same ribbon he’d used to tie Brian’s picture tied around it.  He looked like he was going to cry.



“Open it,” Brian said.



Justin swallowed hard and tore at the paper to get it off and then open the white cube shaped box carefully.  Inside, he found a travel coffee mug and what looked to be hundreds of packets of…



“Is this coffee?”



“It’s that new instant shit that’s supposed to be as good as real coffee,” Brian said.  “I tried some at the store and it was good, I got a bunch of different flavors and blends.  You just need hot water and you’ll be all set.  And they won’t be able to see what you’re drinking if it’s in the travel mug.”



“This is… so wonderful,” Justin said, and there really were tears in his eyes this time.  “Thank you.”



Brian shrugged.  “I just thought you’d like it.”



Justin leaned over and gave Brian a big hug and Brian couldn’t help but hug him back.  The kid felt great in his arms and Brian just reveled in the sensations.  It wasn’t sexual, but it was something more than platonic.  And when Justin leaned forward to kiss him, Brian didn’t even think to stop him.  It was a relatively chaste kiss compared to the things Brian had done in his life.  But it was probably Justin’s first kiss and Brian wanted it to be special.  He took his time and slowly introduced his young partner to the delights of kissing.



But when Justin became too bold and tried to move things to the next level, Brian had to pull back and set the blonde away from himself.  Justin looked lost and hurt and Brian just wanted to kiss his suffering away but he couldn’t do that.



“I can’t be your boyfriend, Sunshine,” Brian told him gently.  “I could lose my job, not to mention go to jail.  But I want to be your friend.”



Justin stared at his hands in his lap and seemed to think that over before looking up at Brian with a small smile.  It wasn’t nearly as bright as the one that made Brian give him his nickname, but it was brighter than Brian had thought he would see.



“I’d like to be your friend too.”

Chapter 2: A time to keep, and a time to cast away.

Chapter Text

Brian stood in the doorway to the barn and looked out over the snow covered grounds and sighed.  Winter seemed to be lingering longer than usual this year.  There was a part of him that relished these quiet weeks in March before spring arrived—it was a time to sit back and regroup before the rush of planting and pruning and mowing and fertilizing—but a part of him grew restless every year, anticipating the beauty of the coming season.



“Spring will be here soon enough,” Justin said from behind him and Brian smiled.  Leave it to the twink to know exactly what he was thinking.  “Enjoy the time we have now and let the rest come when it comes.”



Justin was such a twat sometimes and Brian told him so.  “You are such a twat, Sunshine.  Sometimes I think you must either be a poet or a lesbian, because no self-respecting gay man talks the way you do.”



Justin laughed and said, “Fuck you, Stud.”



“What have I told you about calling me Stud?” Brian scolded with tongue in cheek.



Justin pranced over to the couch and flopped down.  “Only in bed.  But since you won’t take me to bed, I’ll just have to keep breaking the rules.”



Brian rolled his eyes.  Justin had been trying to entice him into bed for more than three years now and it got harder and harder to turn him away.  The boy had grown up a lot in the last three years and Brian could hardly recognize the boy he first met.  He was just as beautiful as ever, but his jaw line was square now, not rounded with youth.  He actually shaved, though Brian suspected it was only every other day and could probably be every third day because of how light and fine his facial hair was.  His eyes were still the same luminous blue that had drawn Brian to him the first time he saw him, but they were wiser now, more jaded.



Things hadn’t been easy for Justin over the last few years.  He chose to be very open about his sexuality but not all of the teachers or students were accepting of him.  In fact, he had suffered quite a bit of bullying until Brian had taught Justin a few tricks he had learned growing up in the rougher parts of town.  The worst of the bullies still tossed around slurs and liked to push their luck, but the worst of the physical abuse had stopped after Justin beat the hell out of one of the football players.  Brian was rather glad that these boys seemed to have some sort of honor, because in his neighborhood, Justin never would have been faced with just one attacker at a time.  In his neighborhood, there was always a group.



“You remember what today is?” Justin asked pointedly as he rose from the sofa and approached Brian with purpose.



Brian nodded.  “Your birthday.  I have your present on the table.”



“My 17th birthday,” Justin corrected as he got closer to Brian and Brian wondered momentarily what had ever happened to the shy boy who had blushed every time Brian spoke to him.  Justin was upon him now, but Brian refused to back down from Justin.  “You know what that means?”



“Tell me, Sunshine,” Brian said in husky voice.



“It means I’m legal,” Justin stood on tiptoes and whispered into Brian’s ear, his breath warming his skin and making the older man shiver with desire.  “And since you’ve got that job lined up and don’t really need this one anymore… well, you’ve run out of excuses not to fuck me.”



Brian closed his eyes and absorbed the sensations of Justin’s young body against his, his warm breath on his ear, the soft wet kisses he was planting on Brian’s neck.  Brian’s hands were balled into fists as he barely held himself in check.  Once he had himself under control he gently set Justin back a foot.



“Go open your present,” Brian told the younger man.



“Brian…”



“I went to a lot of trouble to buy your gift and wrap it up and everything,” Brian said and the blond finally sighed.



Justin walked over to the table and picked up the brightly colored package.  The paper was quickly torn away and Justin found a box that was identical to the ones Brian had given him every Christmas and birthday since that first. He opened it expecting more coffee.  It wasn’t that he didn’t like the coffee.  He loved the coffee and he loved the fact that Brian gave him anything, that he thought of him enough to go out of his way.  But Justin hadn’t come to the barn that day for coffee.



“This isn’t coffee,” Justin said stupidly as he looked at the contents of the box.



Brian smirked at him.  “I can return that and get you coffee if you’d prefer.”



“No!” Justin denied vehemently and shook his head for extra emphasis.  He reached into the box and pulled out one of what must be a hundred condoms along with one of three large bottles of lubricant.  “I…I like this present.”



“Come here,” Brian said and soon Justin was in his arms and their lips finally met.  It was the first time Brian had allowed a kiss since that very first Christmas.  It was the first time he had allowed any sort of physical contact at all.  And Justin had to think that it really had been worth the wait.  The feel of Brian’s lips on his felt better than he remembered.  Justin was much taller now, though he was still much shorter than Brian but their bodies seemed to align perfectly nonetheless.



Brian began moving them over to the sofa without ever breaking their kiss.  They had both been waiting too long for this day to linger for long on the preliminaries.  Brian knew that Justin had experimented with his classmates.  He was quite the cocksucker, according to at least two of his past partners.  But Justin had not wanted to fuck or be fucked by a schoolboy.   He’d told Brian often over the past three years that when the time came, he wanted Brian to be the one to take his virginity.



Brian had never agreed, not wanting to give the kid hope when there were no guarantees that either of them would actually be around when the time came, but he had hoped.  Brian had never wanted to be someone’s first.  He knew that some men got off on that, but he had never seen the point.  Wasn’t it better to have a partner who knew what the fuck they were doing?  But everything was different with Justin.  It always had been.



When Justin began tearing at their clothes, Brian backed away and chuckled.  “Slow down, Sunshine.  There’s no rush.”



“How can you say that?” Justin asked breathlessly.  “I’ve got to get you naked before you change your mind.”



Brian laughed and kissed Justin again.  “I’m not going to change my mind.  Let me…let me do this for you.”



Brian was gentle as he slowly began to unbutton Justin’s shirt.  Each button exposed a little more of his beautiful angel and Brian bent to kiss that bit of flesh.  When Justin’s uniform shirt and tie had finally been discarded, Brian allowed his hands to roam freely over Justin’s chest, his shoulders, his abdomen.  His lips soon followed a similar trail, taking a detour to suck and nip and tease at each of Justin’s nipples, making the younger man arch his back and almost lose all control of his body.



Brian chuckled and pushed Justin towards the sofa so the younger man could sit before he fell down.  Brian knelt between his legs and continued to explore and torment his young lover.  Justin’s hands roamed freely over Brian’s back and shoulders; his fingers carded through and grasped Brian’s hair intermittently as his body reacted to Brian’s ministrations.  And when Brian tugged at Justin’s belt and finally, finally, opened Justin’s pants to release his aching cock, Justin feared he might just fly apart into a million pieces.



Brian teased the head of Justin’s cock with light strokes from his fingers before letting his hand caress the shaft.  Brian looked up at Justin, their eyes meeting and locking as Brian tasted Justin for the first time, his tongue licking up the drops of pre-come that were leaking almost steadily now.  He poked the tip of his tongue into his slit and Justin’s head fell back against the sofa, eyes closed as the pleasure and anticipation worked together to make him fall apart.  And then Brian’s lips surrounded just the head of his cock and sucked.  It was all Justin could do not to come right then.  Brian seemed to recognize his dilemma and squeezed the base of his cock almost painfully until the urge had subsided.



And then Brian swallowed Justin’s cock whole and any respite was lost.  Justin was panting and gasping in moments.  His hands clung to Brian as he tried to keep his hips from thrusting, but when he felt his cock hit the back of Brian’s throat and the brunet swallowed around him, Justin knew he was lost.  Then Brian’s hand fondled Justin’s tight balls and he was coming harder than he could ever remember coming and Brian was swallowing all of it down.



Brian climbed up onto the sofa and shared a salty kiss with Justin while the blond attempted to regain some composure.



“Why?” Justin asked when he could form a word, though a full sentence seemed beyond him still.



“So I can take my time for the rest of this,” Brian said with a wicked smirk.  He pushed Justin until he was lying on his back.  Brian pulled his pants off and then stood to remove his own clothes.  He sat at the opposite end of the sofa, pulling Justin’s feet up so he could sit.  Then he began a slow and methodical exploration of Justin’s feet and legs.  Hands, lips, teeth and tongue all worked to both relax and entice Justin.  He skipped past Justin’s cock, already fully recovered and interested once more in the proceedings, and went back to his belly, finding all of his ticklish spot and all those spots that made him moan with desire.  Justin knew that there were things he could be doing to reciprocate, but every time he tried, Brian set his hands aside.



“If you don’t keep your hands to yourself, I’m going to get your tie and bind them,” Brian warned playfully and Justin groaned at the thought.  “Oh!  Does that turn you on, little boy?  Maybe we’ll have to explore some of your kinks later.”



No part of Justin escaped Brian’s attention; his arms, his neck, his ears and face…even his armpits received a thorough exploration.  And then Brian was encouraging Justin to roll over so he could start on the other side.  Justin had never imagined that Brian would be such a gentle and generous lover, but he was making this first time something Justin would never forget as long as he lived.  Every lover would be compared to this man.



Justin squirmed a bit when Brian reached his ass.  The brunet took little bites from the globes and Justin felt Brian spreading his cheeks to access his hole.  The first swipe of Brian’s tongue, from perineum to the small of his back, made Justin cry out in surprise and acute arousal.  “Fuck!”



Brian chuckled.  “Your little boyfriends never did this for you, did they?”  And then Brian’s tongue was back at Justin’s puckered entrance and devouring him.  Justin knew he would never survive this night alive.  He was going to die from the pleasure as his heart beat right out of his chest but he didn’t care.  If he had to die, this was certainly the way to do it.  Brian used teasing licks and firm jabs to get Justin to relax and Justin could feel himself opening and closing spasmodically as if his body knew what his mind had known forever: that he needed to be filled by Brian.



“Please, oh fuck please, Brian!” Justin sobbed out.  He couldn’t take any more.  “Fuck me.  Please fuck me.”



Brian’s fingers replaced his tongue as Brian reached for the lube and he was soon working the cool liquid along with two then three fingers into Justin.  Every time Brian reached Justin’s prostate the teen keened and his body arched.  And then Brian pulled his fingers away and rolled the condom onto his own flesh while he urged Justin onto his hands and knees.



“You sure about this Sunshine?” Brian asked, praying that Justin would say yes, because he wasn’t sure he could survive if he said no.



“Yes!  Fuck me Brian!”  Justin demanded.



Brian grinned and slowly breached Justin.  The younger man tensed with the initial pain and Brian whispered soothing words into his ear, his body curled around Justin’s as he used every ounce of self control to keep from plunging into that tight heat.  Slowly he felt Justin relax again and he began slowly rocking in and out, going just a little deeper each time until he was fully seated.



“You okay?” Brian asked



Justin nodded and smiled over his shoulder at Brian.  “So good.  So full.  Fuck me.”



Brian nodded and pulled out a little before thrusting back in.  It was an easy pace to start with, but neither of them were able to fight off the need that had been growing—since the first time they had met, really. Soon they were both moving in sync with each other, pushing to go just a little faster to thrust just a little harder, to reach just a little deeper.  And when Brian took Justin’s cock in hand, they both knew it wouldn’t be long before their orgasms hit.  Justin came first, crying out his release to the world as the muscles in his ass contracted around Brian’s invading member.  Brian didn’t have a choice but to follow him them.  The feel, the sound, the smell of Justin coming below him hit him like gasoline on a fire.



BJBJBJBJBJ



Brian lit a joint and the two lovers reclined back to chest and shared the pungent smoke.  “I can’t be your boyfriend.”



Justin huffed.  He knew that, but it still hurt as much as it had the first time Brian had said it.  “I know.”



“I mean, I’m leaving for my new job soon,” Brian said, trying to justify why they couldn’t commit to each other.  “And you’re graduating.”



“And I leave for Europe for two months before I start at Columbia this fall,” Justin said. “I know, Brian.”



Brian nodded to himself, but he felt like shit.  “But we have a couple months.”



Justin smiled and passed the joint to Brian.  “I fully intend on taking advantage of those months.”  They were both quiet for a time as they smoked the rest of the joint.  Eventually Justin picked up Brian’s hand and began to play with it.  “I feel like we just keep getting the timing all wrong. Like fate or destiny or whatever somehow brought us together at the wrong time.  First I’m too young, now…we’re going in different directions.  Will we ever get it right?”



Brian tightened his hold on Justin and kissed the top of his head.  “I think we will. I hope we will.  But I’ve always believed that whether we see each other next weekend, next month or never again, it doesn’t matter. It’s only time.  At least we have right now.”



Justin thought about that and it made him sad.  He wanted a guarantee, but he knew Brian wouldn’t give him that. Brian never made promises he wasn’t sure he could keep.  “And time means very little in the grand scheme of things.”



Justin knew that the love he felt for Brian was stronger than time or distance or any of the obstacles that life might throw between them.  Brian may not be able to make promises, but Justin could.  Silently he promised them both that when they said goodbye, it would not be the end.  There was more to their story and it would be told.



“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven,” Justin whispered. Their season just hadn’t come yet.



But until then…



“So, are you going to fuck me again?”  Justin asked with a teasing lilt in his voice.  “If so, you should get to it. My time is limited.  I have to be back in the dorm before curfew.”



“Little shit,” Brian muttered as he pinched Justin’s ass, making the younger man jump.  But then Brian was soothing the hurt away with soothing strokes and nothing else seemed to matter.

Chapter 3: A time to mourn, and a time to dance.

Chapter Text

Brian laughed as he followed his friends out of Woody’s and paused to light up a cigarette.  The air was crisp and clean as summer finally gave way to fall.  The late September sky was lit by a harvest moon that made Brian smile for no real reason.  He found his mind going to Justin, as it tended to do at the least provocation, even after more than seven years.  The last night they were together, the moon had been full and hung low in the sky, much like it was tonight.  Brian fingered the cowry shell bracelet that Justin had given him for his college graduation.



“For prosperity, and fertility,” Justin had snickered a little with that one but then sobered, “and love.”



Love. There had only ever been one person who could make Brian Kinney believe in love, and it had been Justin.  Brian often regretted not telling the twink before he left.



“Brian?”  Mikey had come back to see what keeping his friend.  “You okay?”



Brian smiled sadly but nodded.  “Yeah.  I am.  I just remembered something.”



“Well, we’re heading to the diner, are you coming,” Mikey asked, oblivious to Brian’s mood.



“Yeah,” Brian agreed.  “I’m coming.”



Brian followed his friends, allowing their high spirits to wash over him.  His mind was still lost in those final days with Justin.  They had been the best days of Brian’s life.  It was the only time in his life when he had been monogamous.  It hadn’t been a conscious choice.  He’d just wanted to spend every minute with Justin that he could and there hadn’t been time for anyone else.  Even Mikey had complained for weeks after Justin had gone about the months that Brian had ignored him.



Justin had been his world from the moment that he’d first spied him peeking around the greenhouse. After they had made love for the first time—and Brian could admit that was what it was because he had never experienced anything before or since that compared—Justin had no longer been just his world, but his whole universe.  Everything had revolved around the kid.  It hadn’t mattered that it was only for a few months.  It hadn’t mattered that he knew that he was going to hurt more than he could imagine when it ended.  The only thing that had mattered was seeing Justin smile and holding him in his arms.  He had enjoyed every second of their time together.



And then it had ended and reality had slammed into him.  It had hurt.  It had hurt more than the physical blows his father had given him as a kid.  It had hurt more than his mother’s scorn.  It had hurt more than anything he had ever felt.



Debbie, the woman who should have been his mother, knew her boy and she knew when he was hurting.  She gave him time to lick his wounds and then she had come over and let him talk things out.  She was the only person he had ever told about Justin.  She was the only person who knew that Brian Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue, had once loved and been loved deeper than most people have dreamed.  And that he had felt the heartbreak that went along with love that deep.



“If you had known how much it would hurt in the end, would you have turned away from that love?” Debbie had asked him after a long night of talking and pain and booze and tears. “Would you have turned him away?”



“I can’t imagine giving up a single second of the time we had,” Brian whispered.  “No matter how much it hurts now.”



And that was the crux of the matter.  He loved Justin more than he hated the pain of losing him.  Even now, his feelings for the fucking twink hadn’t diminished at all.



“Brian!” Mikey yelled, calling him out of his thoughts.



Brian smiled and kept moving.  “I’m coming.”



They hadn’t kept in touch, but Brian was grateful that Justin was somewhat famous, at least for being rich.  He’d been able to catch snippets online about how he was doing.  He knew when he had his first show at Columbia’s gallery.  He knew when he had his first show in a SoHo gallery.  He knew when he had graduated.  He read about the estrangement with his father in the gossip columns. He knew when Craig’s wife left because she refused to stay with a man dying of cancer and Justin had moved home to care for the dying man who had never cared for him. And he knew when Craig Taylor died.



They had very little contact since saying goodbye seven years ago.  Justin had sent Brian an invitation to his graduation.  Brian had been in the midst of a huge project that was supposed to guarantee him a partnership in the agency and hadn’t been able to get away.  Instead, he sent his regrets and a cowry shell bracelet just like the one Justin had given him for his graduation.  There was a small note that said For prosperity, for fertility, and for love.  Brian. And the last time they had corresponded had been after Craig’s death last spring.  Brian had sent flowers and his condolences.  He hadn’t been sure if Justin would ever even see them, considering half of Manhattan had attended the man’s funeral.  But a couple weeks later, Brian had received a personal thank you note from Justin.



As he had read the words from his former lover, Brian felt like no time had passed at all.  He could picture Justin’s face as he had admitted to his father’s callous treatment that first Christmas Eve.  Justin had mourned the loss of his father long before he died and his note reminded Brian of that fact.



“Brian!”



Brian shook off his melancholy and jogged to catch up to his friends.  Just before he reached Mikey, Emmett and Ted, however, he saw… a halo of blond hair glowing under a street lamp.  It couldn’t be.  He froze, unable to tear his eyes from the man standing there, looking as nervous and unsure as he had the first time they had spoken.



“Justin.”



“Brian! Oh for fuck’s sake,” Mikey swore and turned to the others.  “He’s spotted some twink.  He’s a lost cause.  Let’s go.”



Brian ignored them and crossed the street to where his angel stood. He didn’t bother with words.  As soon as he reached Justin, he pulled his lover into his arms and covered his mouth with his own.  It was like coming home at last.  He couldn’t believe he was there.  He could taste him and feel him in his arms.  Eventually Brian had to pull back, but he rested his forehead against Justin’s.



“Justin.”



“Brian.”



“I love you.”



Justin’s eyes filled with tears and yet he smiled and laughed at the same time.  “I know. God, I’ve always known.  I love you too.”



“Good,” Brian said. “Fate had better not fuck this up this time.  I can’t let you go again.”



“I’m not going anywhere without you,” Justin said.



Brian kissed him again.   “What happened?  Why are you here?”



“I would have been here right after the funeral, but… well, it took longer to settle everything than I thought it would,” Justin said.



“Your former stepmother…”



Justin nodded.  “She contested the will.  She said because we had been estranged that it couldn’t be right.  I would have let her have it, if it wasn’t for the fact that she was trying to take the money he left to the servants and charities too.”



“I saw you won, though,” Brian said.



“And then I sold off every share of his company and gave every penny he left me to charity,” Justin said.



“But…” Brian was shocked.  Justin had just given away millions of dollars.



Justin laughed.  “Don’t worry, I’m still loaded.  My mother’s family used to own half of Alberta, Canada before they moved down to the US.  The money my father left me was… an insult.  He couldn’t give me what I needed when he was alive; he can’t buy my forgiveness.  I don’t want his money anymore now than I did when I was a kid.”



Brian chuckled.  “I don’t really care about the money.  But I know you want to paint, and that money will let you do that without worrying.”



“It will,” Justin agreed.  “It will also let me invest in a brand new advertising agency.”



“Justin…”



“No,” Justin said.  “You can argue, but I’ll win.  That bastard you have for a boss has been dangling a partnership for four years and has yet to follow through with it.  And you’ve brought in almost all of their major clients.”



Brian smirked and took a step back, though he didn’t let go of Justin.  “And just how would you know that?”



Justin blushed.  “You kept tabs on me, I kept tabs on you.”



“Everything I know was public knowledge,” Brian said.  “Not even Mikey knows about the partnership.”



“Okay, so I might have made a few inquiries over the years,” Justin said.  “That’s not the point though.  You deserve better than his shit.  So I’m offering to be your silent partner so you can open your own agency.”



“I’ll accept the business partnership, Sunshine,” Brian said.  “But only if you agree to a personal partnership.”



Justin laughed.  “No problem.  I was kind of hoping that might be part of the deal.”



Brian kissed him again and they garnered a few wolf whistles from the men passing them on the sidewalk.  Brian pulled back and looked down at Justin.  “I can’t believe you’re really here.”



“Believe it Stud,” Justin teased.



“Brian?”  Debbie’s voice called out from the Diner across the street.  “What the fuck are you doing?”



“Want to meet Debbie and Mikey?” Brian asked.



“I’d love to,” Justin smiled and laughed as Brian took his hand and pulled him across the street behind him.  He was like an excited kid wanting to show off his new toy.  Or a man in love.



“Hey Debbie,” Brian said with a wide smile.



“What are you up to, Brian Kinney?” Debbie asked suspiciously.



Brian gave her an innocent look.  “I’m not up to anything.  I just ran into an old friend.  Debbie, I’d like you to meet Justin.”



“Nice to meet you…”  She stopped and looked between Brian and Justin.  “Justin?  As in Sunshine?”



Justin laughed when she used Brian’s nickname for him and Brian bit his lips and blushed.  “Yeah, that’s me.  It’s nice to finally meet you, Debbie.”



“Holy fucking shit Sunshine!”  Debbie squealed and grabbed the blond into a tight embrace.  While she squeezed she took the opportunity to whisper in his ear.  “Don’t hurt him again. He loves you kid.”



Justin pulled away and nodded.  “I know.”



“Enough,” Brian said and pulled Justin to his side.  “Let’s go eat.  Justin has to meet the boys.”



They entered the diner side by side with a bemused Debbie following behind.  This was certainly going to be interesting.  Brian led Justin to the table next the one where the other boys were sitting and waited for them to notice.  They sat on the same side of the booth, as though they couldn’t bear to stop touching even long enough to eat.  Debbie had seen the aftermath of Brian’s feelings for this kid, but this was the first time she was seeing Brian Kinney in love.  It was a truly sight to behold.



Debbie served their drinks and took their orders and the boys still hadn’t noticed that Brian and Justin were there, so Brian crumpled up his straw wrapper and threw it at the back of Mikey’s head.



“Hey!”  Michael turned around and saw Brian with the same blond twink he’d chased after.  “Brian…did you have to bring the trick with you?”



Brian frowned.  “Mikey, this is Justin.  My partner.”



“Nice to meet you,” Justin said and held out his hand, but Michael didn’t take it.  “Or not.”



“What the fuck do you mean, partner?”  Michael asked, ignoring Justin completely.



“Partner, lover, significant other,” Brian listed and turned to Justin.  “Can you think of any other synonyms?”



“Boyfriend,” Justin said in a teasing tone that only Brian found amusing.  “Beau, paramour, flame, inamorato, sweetheart, beloved…but I like partner best.”



“I know what partner means,” Michael scowled at the two men.  “I mean… since when?  You don’t just pick up a man on the street and—bang—you’re magically partners!”



“That’s true,” Brian said and turned to Justin. “He does have a point.  You can’t just fall in love at first sight.”



“Why not?” Justin asked.  “I did.  I knew I would love you for the rest of my life the very first time I saw you.”



“I can’t say that,” Brian said.  “I knew that you were going to change my life, but I couldn’t imagine being in love with anyone then.  I didn’t think I was capable of love like that.  I’m glad you showed me that I can.”



Justin leaned in and kissed Brian tenderly.  “So am I.”



“What the fuck?” Michael demanded.  By now both Ted and Emmett were watching the interaction with great interest.  Debbie came over with Brian and Justin’s food and set it in front of them.  “Ma! Tell Brian to knock off whatever prank he’s trying to pull.  It isn’t funny.”



“Michael,” Debbie sighed.  “He’s not joking.  This is Justin.  Brian’s been in love with him since… god, it’s been seven years since he left, hasn’t it?  And then four years before.  So eleven years.”



“That’s right,” Brian agreed.



“Hah!  See now I know you’re lying,” Michael said as he moved over to the seat opposite them so he didn’t have to lean over the seat back.  Ted and Emmett shuffled around and took his place leaning over the seat.  “This kid would have been…a kid eleven years ago.”



“I was 13 when we met,” Justin said.



“And rather small for his age at that,” Brian said.  “But he was precocious.”



“Eleven years ago, you would have been 18,” Emmett said.  “13 seems rather young, even for you.”



Brian rolled his eyes.  “I didn’t fuck him when he was 13.  God!  What do you people think I am?  I waited until he was 17.”



“I’m still trying to grasp the concept of Brian Kinney in love,” Ted admitted.



Michael was still shaking his head in denial.  “This is bullshit.  If you had been in love you would have told me.”



“I couldn’t even admit it to myself until after Justin left,” Brian said quietly.



Justin took his hand and squeezed.  “I knew though.”



Brian smiled at him and then looked at Mikey again.  “That’s why he’s perfect for me.”



“Look!”  Emmett squealed.  Everyone around him winced, but looked where he was pointing.  “They have matching bracelets.”



Michael looked at Brian.  “You never would tell me why that bracelet was so special.”



“Justin gave it to me the day he left for Europe,” Brian said.  “It was my graduation present.  I gave him his for his college graduation.”



“I’ve never taken it off,” Justin said softly. “It kept me going through some pretty tough times, knowing you were here and that you loved me.”



Brian stroked Justin’s cheek before leaning forward to kiss him.  “I told you.  It was just time.”



“And now our time has finally come,” Justin said with a bright smile.



Michael stared at them.  “You aren’t lying.”



“No,” Brian said and he turned to his friend with a smile that Michael had never seen before.  Brian was happy, truly happy. How could Michael begrudge him that?



“I’m happy for you,” Michael said sincerely.  He turned to Justin and held out his hand.  “I’m Michael.  It’s nice to meet you Justin.”



“Ohh,” Emmett said.  “You have to tell us everything!  I love a good romance!”



“That will have to wait,” Brian said as he got up and handed Debbie some money for their food.  “Justin and I are going to Babylon to celebrate.”  He turned to his lover.  “If that’s okay?”



“There’s a time to mourn and a time to dance,” Justin said with a smile.  “This is definitely a time to dance.”



Brian captured Justin’s lips and pulled him into a tight embrace.  He whispered in his ear.  “And later, it will be time to fuck.  I’ve missed your sweet ass.”  When he pulled away, Brian saw that Justin’s face was lit up with a blush and he was grateful to see that time couldn’t change some things.



The End