I still can't believe this is my life. Two days ago I was the stud of Liberty Avenue and a successful adman, today... today I am a father. Two days ago everything changed, I met two of the most beautiful boys, I've ever encounter- two boys that brought the sun into my life, into what used to be an eternal night. I still recall the words he whispered in my ear that night, as we all sat in Lindsay's hospital room: You deserve to be loved Brian. Don't let anyone make you think you can't, don't let them win. Show them they are wrong.
I've dedicated all my life to show Saint Joan, Jack and every homophobe out there that underestimating me was a mistake. I became a successful businessman, being the head of the advertising department in Ryder's Advertising- the best advertising company in the city, and one of the best in the east coast. Or at least, since I've joined the staff. And from what I've heard, soon to be partner too. I had the money, the looks, the gang and everyone wanted me... but I was still hallow.
I've proved them all wrong in everything, but one thing. I ended up believing their words, that I was unwanted, that no one will ever love me, that I was not desired, that I should have been aborted. For a long time I thought so, even with my so called 'family' I still felt the same. They all hang out with me for something: Debbie for me to take care of her son, Michael for popularity and for me to clean up all his messes, Ted because with me he gets Michael, Lindsay for money, Emmett... he isn't even a friend! He is just around because he wants to be with his friends, I am just an inconvenience.
However, all that changed two days ago. When, I met a fallen angel under a streetlight, no matter how lesbian I sounded, to me that was true. At the beginning I was just attracted to how beautiful the boy was, glowing under the light. Looking so innocent and pure with his golden blond locks, blue sky eyes and skin so soft as a cloud- or at least it seemed like that, and I proved it later in my loft that night. I was no cradle robber, but seeing him standing there- being the complete opposite of what I've faced my whole life- he was just asking for me to pick him up. I don't normally go for blonds, but I wanted to be in that world- that world of light- at least for a night.
My plans were changed when Sonny Boy decided to make his appearance into the world that same night. I fell in love with my son as soon as I held him in my arms, but it also broke my heart the thought of not being part of his life... at least not like a father, but only a cool uncle. However, Sunshine was able to see through me. I don't know how or why, but he was able to do something no one has done before... he was able to see the real me and what I was really meaning, even if I used harsh words as a shield. He gave the greatest gift anyone could have given me, he gave me my son back. He convinced them to let me have him over the weekends, which was the best solution cause I don't think I am ready to have him for longer. Sunshine- for if you've ever seen him smile you cannot deny he is as bright as the sun- gave me: Gus Markus Peterson-Kinney.
I had never believed principally because I never thought anyone would ever really love me. I was afraid for so long and hided my pain by the faceless tricks I pick, never fearing of getting hurt-emotionally- by them... but I still was. Justin made me realize that. Even though I never got involved with anyone, I was still getting hurt because I was being used. Each night it passed, things got worse. I always said that I liked being the stud because it calmed my hunger for the hunt, that's bullshit! Yes, I need to hunt. But I do that at work, how else would I've become the shark I am in advertising? I was just an object for everyone to flounder around, I was objectify by everyone and anyone. Used for sex, for popularity, for money... no one wanted the real me. They wanted Brian Fucking Kinney or the successful adman Brian Kinney. No one who knows how broken I really am, how empty I was on the inside, wanted me. Not even my parents loved me, they wanted to abort me! How could anyone else really love me?
Saint Joan and Jack were right all along... I was unloved.
At least, until I met Justin. He saw through my shields, my stupid façade, and still wanted me to take his first time. He though I was worth loving. He gave me my son back. He was an angel fallen from heaven to give me hope of a better future, to make me want to live. It's no coincidence than a few days before I tried to kill myself, and then this ray of sunshine appeared out of the blue to bring light into my life. I never had a relationship, I never wanted one. But, if of something I am, I wanted to try... scratch that, I don't try, I succeed. I'll succeed in having one with Justin, he was worth the leap.
As if being summoned, the dinner bells rang as the door was opened, and Sunshine entered the establishment. Soon every man in the place turned their hungry gazes towards the new meat. Who would have blamed them? With a bubble ass like that even a dog would have barked at him in appreciation! But it didn't mean I wasn't affected by it. After all, this was the boy I wanted to date. Justin had reached and touched a place I never let anyone else in, anyone but Gus. I already broke so many rules for him in our first night, and instead of being afraid I get more excited at the thought of finding out about other firsts we could have together.
And here we were, men salivating over something that's mine and MINE alone!
Before, I could stand up and go to stake my claim, Michael rapidly left the booth and got into Justin's face- trying to seem intimidating, but if anything Sunshine looked amused by him.
"Get lost twink! Is that you don't understand?! Brian already had you, now you are nothing more than a used piece of ass. Stop being such a stalker and leave!" Michael growled, with a glare full of jealousy that took me by surprise. I haven't given anyone any clues or stated that Justin was different from other tricks, then, why is Mikey acting like this?
"Here we go again" Emmet sighed tiredly.
"Again?" I demanded to know.
"He does that with every trick you use, to make sure they disappear and you won't take them to bed twice. Even though, he knows you never do it" Ted muttered my answer angrily, was it today the day of being jealous? First me, then Mikey and now Ted. Who is next?!
"What the hell?!" I cursed under my breath. Michael has no right to interfere in my life like this, who does he think he is?! "Enough Mikey!" I barked angrily, making the whole dinner, go quiet and look at me surprised. Principally the gang, especially Michael- who looked as kicked dog. Now, everyone was paying attention to what was going on between the three of us.
"Thank you Brian, but I can take care of myself" Justin flashed me his sunshine smile, before turning back to my friend and giving him a polite and fake smile on his lips "Listen to me Mikey" he said his name mockingly "Are you paying attention? Good. Excuse me sir, may I have your name?" he asked the bear sitting at a table nearby, completely ignoring Michael- he hates being ignored!
"Steffen" the man answered, confused at being mixed into the drama. His boy snuggled closer to his 'daddy' and glared at Justin. Yep, another person jealous.
"Thank you, Steffen. Can you please tell me where we are?" now we were all confused, not knowing where he was trying to get to.
"Liberty Avenue's dinner" was the short reply.
"Thank you, Steffen. And you, sir..." he moved to the next table and directed his words to a red haired man.
"Brett, my name is Brett" the twink supplied.
"Brett" Justin smiled at him, making him blush. Which caused me to almost break my coffee cup at how strong I was clenching it, that smile should only be directed at ME "What do people do when they are in a dinner?" now I knew what the sly fucker was trying to do. However, it seems like everyone else didn't have the slightest idea.
"We eat or we work" the red haired twink answered.
"Thank you, Brett" then he returned his gaze towards Michael "You see, Mikey. I am here, like everyone else, to grab something to eat before school" I noticed then that he was wearing his uniform, and that turned me on in ways that I shouldn't have been "Yes, I slept with Brian. And what a way to lose your virginity!" he exclaimed, making a lot of patrons, myself included, laugh at his comment. A surge of warmth and pride, glowing inside my chest "But I am not the only one who slept with him. If I am not wrong, rumor has it, that the stud of Liberty Avenue has already slept with half the gay population in Pittsburgh. Come on guys, don't be shy. Who here has had sex with Brian? I know I had" more people laughed this time, and at least half the dinner raised their hands "Oh goodness!" he exclaimed dramatically, completely faking his fear "Miss Kiki, fast, call the police! This place in infested with stalkers! God knows what we will do to Brian!" he joked, after rapidly checking her name tag. The whole dinner burst into laughter, our table included. I don't think I've ever seen Michael so red before in my entire life. Justin then sat next to the red haired man, leaning on him: back against his arm, head laid down on his shoulder and the back of his hand over his eyes. Before dramatically stating: "Brett, we need desperately help! We are at the same dinner as Brian Fucking Kinney and we had had sex with him before. That's the definition of stalking!"
We all laughed harder at that, Justin almost lost his balance at how hard the twink- he was leaning against- was laughing. I had tears in my eyes and was holding my stomach at how hard I was laughing. It's been a while since I've laughed like this, freely and truly happy. I just had to choose a queen to fall for.
"I love that boy!" exclaimed Emmett, trying to catch his breath after laughing so hard.
Without thinking I replied: "Me too"
Suddenly, both of them froze and turned to look at me in sheer shock. Not believing what they had just heard, but I was not going to do what they were expecting me to- I wasn't going to back down. Our attention went back towards Justin and Michael when we heard some cursing. It looks like Sunshine had finally stood up again, only to be pushed to the ground by a very embarrassed Michael. That only caused Mikey to be having the red haired twink on his face- he looks as if he's about to punch Michael, not that he doesn't deserve it- and the bear standing in front of Justin while his boy is helping Sunshine up. I was about to stand up and kick Michael ass, for acting like an ass. When Justin caught my eye, silently he shook his head- communicating that he wanted to handle things on his own.
"That's assault" he told Mikey.
"No, it wasn't!" he shrieked, making us all wince. Who could know that a man's voice could reach a pitch as high as that one?
"And I am not a stalker" Justin replied with a smirk.
Set, match and game! I exclaimed in my head, smiling proudly at my Sunshine. He might be young, but more mature that the manchild my friend is.
"What?" Michael asked, lost- making us all groan at how slow he could be sometimes... well, most of the times.
"If what you just did wasn't assault, then I am not a stalker" my blonde answered him "I just came here with my best friend to have breakfast before school" just then did I noticed the black girl that had entered the dinner with Justin. She looked as if she was about to murder Mikey "Guys, thank you, really. But I can handle this little boy" he told the men that were still there, protecting him just in case Michael tried another stupid thing. They turned to him, looking for confirmation, before returning to their tables and enjoying the show with the rest of the audience.
"I am not a child!" Michael really had to stop shrieking, or else we will all lose our sense of hearing.
"Then why are you acting as such?" Justin's question froze him "You are acting as a child, whose favorite toy was stolen. Making a tantrum, stomping your foot, arms crossed over your chest and pouting like a five year old. Also, you tried to intimidate me, like bullies do in high school. But there are two problems, for why it didn't work: you are all bark, no bite. If you cannot stand the heat, don't start the fire" Sunshine warned him, this time he was the one that got into Michael's face. My friend ended up taking a step backwards, blushing in embarrassment at being intimidated by a teenager. Some people chuckled mockingly at Mikey, normally I would go to his defence of him being humiliated publicly... but he looked for it.
"And the second one?" someone in the audience demanded to know.
"The second one... you are pathetic" a lot of 'uuh' went around and the black girl exclaimed 'burned!' "Let me take a guess" Justin continued, ignoring the crowd "By the surprise expression when Brian called you at for being an ass, you thought he would back you up. Is from there that you think you can talk to anyone as it pleases you and we all just have to stay silent and nod our heads submissively? Ehm... no offense guys" he turned to the doms and subs that were enjoying the show.
"None taken, boy" one of the masters replied, shaking his hand in a dismissive gesture.
"Good, the last thing I need is to be insensitive like this ass" Justin commented, relieved.
"I am not insensitive!" Michael shouted outrageous.
"You are. I had just lost my virginity, two days ago, and you come telling me to go away because I was not wanted. That I was just a piece of used ass and a stalker... isn't that insensitive for you guys?" he asked, this time not to someone specifically but in general.
"Yes!" most of the audience answered.
"See? Everyone thinks you are insensitive. I was hurt by your insensitive comment, Mikey" Justin continued with his tongue lashing "What is the problem Mikey? You didn't have the chance to have Brian's cock yet?" Michael flinched at those words "So that's it. You are jealous that a seventeen year old boy was able to have what you've never had"
"Shut up!" Mikey shouted, by instinct I almost wanted to reach for my friend and help him... but then I recalled something Sunshine and I discussed while I was driving us to the loft from the hospital:
"That was... intense" commented Justin, I could only nod my head. Still speechless at what an unexpected night we had "Your friend Michael... he is quite a character" he continued slowly, as if not wanting to cross the line.
"I've known him since I was fourteen years old, he was there for me in my worst moments in life" I replied, not knowing why I was talking to him about things so private. I never talk with twinks... but with him I somehow feel comfortable enough to do it "Since a halfway hand job we shared when we were young, just for experimentation, one that his mother interrupted, has been hung up on me. He can't have a stable relationship because he is still waiting for me to 'wake up' and notice that he is the one"
"Is he?" Justin asked, suddenly sounding very young and... vulnerable.
My eyes left the road for a second, to see him looking at his lap in a defeated pose "No" I answered him rapidly, not wanting him to feel as a replacement for a reason "He is my brother in everything but blood, my best friend, but never a lover. I just wished he could see that too"
Justin... Justin was trying to fix another problem of mine. I am totally keeping him now. There is no way I will let someone so perfect get away.
"No, I won't" Justin snapped back "You might be Brian's 'best friend', but that doesn't give you the right to treat the rest of us as garbage! You are not his keeper, you are not allowed to make any decision for him. If Brian wants to date me or kick my 'used ass' away, that's his decision. Not yours! Michael I am seventeen years old, I've been on Liberty Avenue a total number of two times. How would I have known that he would be here? Today? At this time? That makes no sense. Now that we are on the topic of Brian, why don't we ask him what he wants before assuming? Bri, darling, are you bothered by my presence here?" I chocked on my coffee, spitting back on the cup. The 'darling' took me by surprise, even if I knew it was just to rile Michael up. I shook my head, the universal sign of 'no' "Daph! We have Brian Fucking Kinney's approval to stay, isn't that amazing?!" his pitch was high and he was acting like those stupid teenage girls, even jumping excitedly. Making all the seriousness and sadness from before leave, and brought the laughter and smiles back. He truly is a sunshine... to everyone, but Mikey it seems- he's still pouting like a child.
"You and no one will run me away from here, understood Mikey? I could stare at Brian the whole day and you can't do anything about it- and who wouldn't guys? He is a work of art taken from a museum! I am an artist, I know about this stuff" a lot of sounds of agreement went around the dinner, and that sensation of warmth and pride came back. Justin was really the only one capable of not making me feel objectified when he talked about me as a sexual being, he even made me feel proud of the body I worked so hard to get and later maintain "So, get back to your table and Daphne and I will go to ours. Each on different corners of the dinner, I won't talk to you and you won't talk to me. Then, none of us will have a problem. Capisce?"
Without even waiting for an answer, Justin turned away from my friend and sat on an empty table with his friend. He didn't even seem to notice when the whole room erupted with claps and cheers. Mikey looks as if he was about to burst into tears, blushing as red as a tomato. When I got up, he seems to cheer up, smirking victoriously. If he only knew what I was about to do.
"Sunshine" I called him out, making up turn his attention from the menu to me. Everyone was looking at us in sheer shock, like Ted and Emmett were doing before. I never use pet names, only with Debbie, Lindsay and Michael. And that's only because I consider them family. I handed him my phone and waited, he just looked at me confused "What are you waiting for? Put your number in it! I have a lot of work these couple of weeks, but after that I would like to arrange something for us. So, when I am free I'll call you and we'll go out on a date" I don't think I can be any clearer than this, this means: Fuck off! He is MINE. Mikey, you have to wake up and see that someone else is in that place you so wanted, you are only a brother to me. I waited until he handed me the phone, to lean on and kiss him. GOD! I really missed his soft, pink lips. I loved the way he grabbed my hair, as if I were the only thing that was keeping him from drowning. It made me feel special... wanted, in a different way that just sexually "Have a good day at school, daring" I said, chuckling to myself as I exited the dinner.
I enjoyed how quiet the dinner was, even if it were only because they were frozen in shock to move or say anything. However, as soon as I left hell broke free. I really hated leaving Justin to handle all that, but he had shown he can handle himself and I have to prepare for my business trip to Chicago to win over Brown Athletics. They were out of our league, but if I get them, I have my place as partner secure for sure. It's a big bet, but I am willing to take it. After all, I am Brian Kinney.
When I got in my jeep and started to drive away, I could hear Mikey yelling: "Briaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!"
I really was lucky to have gotten away when I did.
