Love is Bullshit... Right? by ZoeyQaF

It's hard for Brian to kick Justin out. Once he does, does he let him back in? Will he be worth the emotions and the challenges to come?

Categories: QAF US Characters: Brian Kinney, Craig Taylor, Daphne Chanders, Debbie Novotny, Emmett Honeycutt, Gus Marcus-Peterson, Jennifer Taylor, Justin Taylor, Lindsay Peterson, Melanie Marcus, Michael Novotny, Ted Schmidt, Vic Grassi
Tags: 10k+ Word Count, Anal Sex (Lots of it!), Bashing, Coming Out, Dirty Talk, First Time (Sex), Friendship, Hatred, Homophobia, Masturbation , Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, Oral Sex, Real Life Issues, Self-Harm, Spanking, Underage Sex, Vulnerable Justin
Genres: Angst w/ Happy Ending, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Porny
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 6 Completed: No Word count: 24450 Read: 8660 Published: Aug 08, 2017 Updated: Mar 29, 2018
Story Notes:


1. Chapter 1: Love really is Bullshit by ZoeyQaF

2. Chapter 2: Feelings. What are they exactly? by ZoeyQaF

3. Chapter 3: Emotions? I don't like them. by ZoeyQaF

4. Chapter 4: Things Change by ZoeyQaF

5. Chapter 5: Honesty. Sometimes it hurts. by ZoeyQaF

6. Chapter 6: Starting Fresh… isn’t always easy by ZoeyQaF

Chapter 1: Love really is Bullshit by ZoeyQaF
Author's Notes:

Will Brian fix his mistakes?

Justin gasps “uhh, it's cold”


“Don't worry, it'll heat up” Brian says looking down and into the beautiful blue eyes. He lines himself up with Justin and pushes in slowly until he passes the first ring of muscle.


“Ahh… it hurts...d-does it always hurt?” Justin said as his face is scrunched up from the pain. He then looks at Brian, he's eyes full of trust and lust.


“A little bit, but that's a part of it” Brian leans in to kiss the beautiful and succulent lips of the blonde in front of him. He hears Justin's groan when he pushes in until he is all the way in. “Now relax, I want you to always remember this…. so that no matter who you're ever with...I'll always be there” He leaned in again to kiss Justin and started thrusting harder as he could hear more moans of pleasure and could see the kids face start to relax.


Justin was on cloud nine as Brian fucked him slowly and then quickened his thrusts. He never knew he could feel this good, this turned on. He threw his head to the side as he felt Brian push against his prorate. “Oh.. oh god. B-Brian… do that again” Justin didn't care how desperate he sounded.


Brian thrust deep into Justin to try and hit his prostate again. He was able to hit it on every thrust, making Justin lose all control he had. “Fuck…. Brian, you're so big” Justin reached up to hold onto Brian's arms and pull him down to kiss him. He sucked on Brian's tongue as he was now pounding into him, trying to get them both to reach their climax. Justin moaned into Brian's mouth as he could feel the shivers running down his body. Brian pulled away from the kiss and held Justin's arms above his head while he pounded Justin as hard and as deep as he could that you could hear his balls slapping against Justin's ass. “Mmppff, fuck're so tight”


“Mmm, yeah? Do you like my tight little ass Brian?” Justin has a mischievous look in his eyes before he closed them shut to let the feelings once again take over his body.


Brian didn't expect that from Justin as just a couple of minutes ago he was this shy little virgin. But he wasn't going to argue as it turned him on so much that it made him cum faster than he expected.


The sound of Brian's orgasm was music to Justin's ears. He tugged on his rock-hard cock and came all over his hand and his stomach. Brian moaned again as he felt Justin's muscles cramp around his now sensitive cock and yelled out his name as he thrust slowly in Justin. Once they had both reached their climax and calmed down slightly to get their breathing in control, Brian pulled out slowly and saw Justin flinch. He pulled off the condom, tied it up and chucked it into the trash. He then slowly leaned his face towards Justin's cock and saw the boy's eyes bulge. He swiped his tongue over the slit of Justin's now softening cock. “Fuck Brian.” Justin jerked at the feeling of wetness on his cum covered cock. Brian tasted Justin and he thought he had never tasted anything as tasty as this blonde boy in front of him. He licked at the slit again, keeping eye contact with Justin. He then slowly opened his mouth and sucked on the head slowly, tasting more of Justin. “Mmm” he moaned and hummed with Justin's cock in his mouth. “You taste good” Brian swiped his tongue once more over the slit and then pushed his body forward and on top of Justin. Justin wrapped his arms around the brunet and pulled him in for a kiss. They made out for a while until Brian pulled away to lay next to the blond. “That was hot” Brian looked over at Justin who was just getting his breathing back to normal.


“Yeah… it was, amazing” Justin replied as Brian smirked.


“Shower?” Brian asked Justin and Justin just nodded his head in response.




Brian had taken Justin back to his loft on the Friday night, and it was now early Sunday morning. He didn't know why he let Justin stay as he has never done that before. He told himself it was because he had such a great ass and he was just trying to get his full share of it. He ignored the foreign feelings he might be feeling for Justin and told himself he needed to kick the kid out before people started to notice it. Even worse, they might question if he is still the Stud of Liberty Avenue.


As they both had a long and hard night before hand he found himself drifting in and out of sleep. He must have finally fell completely asleep as next thing he knew, he was woken up with a hot and wet feeling around his morning wood. He looked down to see Justin sucking his cock greedily, nearly taking his full length into his talented mouth. For some reason, he had looked at the boy’s hands that were stroking his length deliciously and noticed they had cuts and/or scratches on. He wondered where they had come from as they seemed recent and looked like they hurt. He looked back up into Justin’s eyes and the kid must of seen he had gotten distracted as suddenly Justin swallowed his full length and he forgot about his hands.


“Mmppff… fuck Justin.” Brian reached his hand down and grabbed a handful of the golden locks to encourage him to keep going.


Justin swallowed Brian's load with no problem and kept on licking and sucking his cock until Brian had to pull him away from his now sensitive cock and pull him down for a kiss.


“Mmm.. you taste so good” Justin chuckled into Brian's mouth.


Brian smirked and let Justin lay on top of him while peppering him with kisses.


Brian forgot about his little plan to kick him out in that moment but promised himself he would do it later tonight.




As Sunday night came around, Brian and Justin had just finished probably one of the best fucks they have had yet. Brian got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom, hoping to have some time to think about how to tell Justin to leave. However, Brian realised Justin had gotten up to follow him into the bathroom. Brian realised that he would have to tell Justin to leave now before it got even more difficult. He didn't understand why it was so hard for him to kick this boy out though, it's basically second nature to kick last night’s fuck out. But with Justin it was different. Fuck, Brian thought. I guess it's gotta be done. Brian turned around to face him and stopped him with putting his hand out in front of Justin. “No, I'm going to shower and you're leaving.”


Justin was taken back by this. He froze in his spot and didn't know what to do or say, so he eventually laughed it off. “Very funny Brian. Come on, let's go fuck in the shower.” Justin said with a smirk on his face and stepped towards Brian, reaching his hands around the brunet’s waist.


Brian thought about it but then reminded himself he needed to get rid of this tri...get rid of Justin. He didn't know why but he couldn't call Justin a trick... even though that's what he was, right? He grabbed Justin's hands from around his waist and almost threw them back into Justin. “No, like I just said. I'm going to take a shower and you are going to get your shit and leave.”


“But… w-why? Did I do something wrong? Have I upset you?” Justin asked with a hurt and confused emotion on his face.


Brian didn't like the feeling in his stomach, almost as if it was guilt. Come on Kinney, don't let this blonde get to you. You're Brian “fucking” Kinney. Brian looked Justin dead in the eye. “We're not a couple Justin!” He yelled. “We fucked, had fun and now it's over. I've had you and now I'm moving on, just like you should.”


Ouch, that hurt, Justin thought. He honestly didn't know what to do or how to react, so he just stood there staring at Brian.


“Come on Justin, jeez! I have plans tonight. Get your stuff and get the fuck out!” Brian was starting to get annoyed that Justin wasn't listening to him. Well he thought that was why he was getting annoyed. He did have a feeling that he was annoyed at himself for doing this to Justin but he wouldn't accept that, he couldn't. He didn't do relationships or anything like that. Being tough with him was the only way to make Justin listen...right?


“But... I- I don't want to go Brian. I... I- I lov…” Justin couldn't finish what he was about to say as he heard the cockiest little snort from Brian. He looked at Brian, red cheeks showing his embarrassment but also, he started to feel angry that Brian seemed to be making fun of him…. how dare he, Justin thought.


“What, you love me?” Brian said in a questioning, condescending tone of voice. “Love is bullshit Justin. There's nothing between us! Like I said: We. Fucked.” He said slowly and pronounced every syllable as if he thought Justin couldn't understand him.  Seeing the hurt look on Justin's face was so difficult to look at. But the kid still wasn't moving. “Look, Justin. I don't believe in love, I believe in fucking. It's honest… it's efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. Love is just something straight people tell themselves they are in so that they can get laid. And then they get hurt because it was all based on lies to begin with. So, if that's what you want, go and find yourself a cute little girl and get married.”


“But that's not what I want! I-I want you!” Justin's eyes were full of tears as he was pleading Brian not to do this.


“You can't have me, I'm too ol... you're too young for me.” Brian was starting to get frustrated that he was having this conversation. He's Brian Kinney for fucks sake. He needed to get rid of Justin, he doesn't do relationships...fuck why is he finding it so hard to kick Justin out?! Come on Kinney just treat him like the kid he is and he'll get the memo.


With a sigh, he decided this conversation needed to end. “Look you have a nice ass and a very talented mouth and I've had my share of it. So now that I'm done with you, you can leave. Bu-bye.” Brian saw the hurt in Justin's eyes and felt that same feeling in his gut and had to swallow the lump that appeared in his throat as he started to see tears form in the blonde's eyes.


Justin let the tears fall from his eyes as he looked at Brian once more. The man he thought was the one for him just turned out to be the man he thought he would never want to see again. He turned around and started to reach for his clothes. He didn't look at Brian once while he put on his clothes, realising what he thought they had was over…. if it ever even was a “thing”. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table and slowly walked down the few stairs that connected Brian's bedroom to the rest of his loft, still not looking at Brian.


Brian hadn't gone into the bathroom, for some reason he was watching Justin's every move. He felt like complete shit for the way he just treated Justin. He didn't know why though...he was just a fuck, that's all. That's all it will ever be for him, right? By now he would have been half way through his shower not caring about the trick he had just told to fuck off, but he just couldn't move from the place he was in. He almost felt frozen. Seeing that look on Justin's face was something he had never seen before, maybe except from himself. Oh, come on Brian, man up! He is just a kid who doesn't know what's good for him. Brian turned to look towards Justin who was grabbing his jacket from the sofa, still not looking at him once.


“Have you got a lift home?” Brian had no idea why he had just asked him that. Why should he care?


Justin didn't answer or even turn around, he just put on his jacket then opened the door and shut it behind him, tears still falling down his cheeks.


“FUCK!” Brian felt like complete shit. He suddenly felt like he shouldn't have done that. But why should he care? “Oh, fuck this!” Brian went over to his kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Beam. This should help, right? He thought as he took multiple gulps of the drink. He slammed it down in the kitchen counter and went to finally have his shower.


Justin took the stairs down rather than the lift, he got to the lobby and walked out the door. Once he was out he broke, he burst into tears and couldn't stop from shaking and finding it hard to breathe. Was he having a panic attack? No of course not, that would be stupid. Yet he couldn't stop shaking and was finding it hard to breathe so he sat down on the path, holding himself as it was slightly chilly in the air tonight and tried to wait until he calmed down before even trying to go back home. Still shaking 5 minutes later he got his phone out and called Daphne, but as soon as he dialed her number his phone ran out of battery. “F-ffuuckk.” He was still sobbing and shaking. He felt like a complete idiot. Why did he let that beautiful man get to him? Why did he let him talk to him like that?


He finally started to get his breathing under control when a shorter man with black hair passed him.


“Hey buddy, you alright there?” Michael asked looking down at, probably what he thought to be one of the most beautiful pair of blue eyes he had ever seen, although they were slightly red and teary.


“I-I'mm f..fine. Thanksss.” Justin replied to the man and looked back away.


“Did you need help or anything? You look like you're having a panic attack or something?” Michael was genuinely concerned about this young-looking boy. Why was he sitting outside when the weather wasn't the warmest?


“No, hon... honestly...I... I'm fine.” Justin stood up ready to walk away but collapsed back down to the ground as he got light headed from all the hyperventilating and trying to get his breathing back in control.


“Shit...erm kid? You alright?” Michael asked as he knelt down trying to see if the blond was unconscious.


Just as Justin opened his eyes again, he heard the man calling for… Brian? He covered his eyes with his hands, rubbing his face to try to help him focus.


“Brian thank god you're here...what took you so long?” Michael started to walk up towards Brian to start pulling him closer to the kid.


“What's up Mikey?” Brian was confused as to why his friend sounded so worried. He was always fashionably late. I guess he was even later though as he had found himself just sitting in his bed thinking about Justin and how he treated him. But he concluded that it was just all a part of his role as the Stud of Liberty Avenue, right?


“Woody’s will still be open when we get there, don't worry.” Brian said as he closed the door behind him just before Mikey pulled him away.


“We gotta call an ambulance or something for this kid, he just collapsed and was shaking and finding it hard to breathe beforehand. I don't know what's wrong with him as he wouldn't tell me…” Michael said walking over to Justin. When they stood beside Justin, Michael was looking up to his best friend hoping him to be the superhero of the night and help.


Justin sat up slowly holding his head. He stood up slowly and looked at Brian. Before Brian could do or even say anything, Justin started to walk away. He stumbled on the floor again as he stepped off the pavement and onto the road, still feeling a bit dizzy. Brian and Michael ran to help him up but Justin shoved Brian away. He didn't say anything as he was trying to get up. Brian then went to help him again and Justin pushed him away hard. “DON’T fucking touch me.” Justin yelled as he got up. Brian was taken back by Justin. Shit Brian thought as he saw Justin stumble away.


Brian was stuck in his thoughts as he stared at Justin stumbling away in such a state. Could he really have done this to him? Make him feel so low that he was having some sort of panic attack? I didn't realise it hurt him so much… Brian thought. It was just a fuck! That's all it was. All it was meant to be! Brian got pulled back out of his thoughts as he heard Michael’s voice call him.


“Come on Bri! We have to get him some help.” Michael looked at Brian and then started to walk towards Justin who was trying to walk away. “At least let me get you a cab or something?” Michael caught up with him.


“I'm fine.” Justin said under his breath, barely audible.


“Justin… let me take you home.” Brian said, feeling very responsible for what just happened. He shouldn't though, right? He doesn't care about his fucks and tri..he still couldn't call Justin a trick. Why was he trying to help Justin? He should just go to Woody’s with the gang and fuck deep into the night…right?


Justin just carried on walking (well stumbling) and ignored Brian. He wasn't going to let Brian in again, wasn't going to forgive him for what he had said. After treating him like he was so special, taking care of him, laughing with suddenly kicking him out with no remorse. Treating him like all he was, was a fuck when he knew damn well he was more than that to Brian… Well at least he thought he was. No, there was no way he would ever let that happen again.


“How do you know his na…. oh Brian. Don't tell me this is one of your tricks?!” Michael loudly whined causing even more attention to the trio, which Justin nor Brian wanted at all.


“” Brian sounded hesitant. “He’s... he...” Brian got cut off by Justin.


“Yeah I'm just one of his tricks. He fucked me aaallll weekend long” Justin was starting to feel his cheeks burn from anger as he turned around to face the two older men, not caring what anyone thought of him at this moment. He practically yelled at them. “I let him take my virginity and I guess he just liked my all too tight ass as he couldn't seem to get enough… well you know... he’s had his share of it now, so just like he told me I'm fucking off out of his life. Don't worry Brian, you won't have to ever deal with me again. Thanks for showing me love really is just bullshit and I can't trust anyone in my fucking life.” Justin barely took a breath whilst shouting and felt dizzy again. He turned away to walk and yet again slumped on the floor. This time he didn't even bother moving, just let his anger disappear and all the crushed and hurt feelings come back and over take him. He just layed there huddled up, holding himself to make him look even smaller than he already is. He just stayed there, on the cold cement crying.


Brian watched as the beautiful blond fell to the floor once again. He slowly walked over to him, pushing Michael out the way as he tried to stop him. He felt tears in his eyes as he watched the weak body on the ground shaking from the crying. He bent down and placed his hand on Justin's back. “J..Justin…” Brian's voice was shaky, and he hated that he couldn't hide it. “Justin… please let me take you home.” Brian was trying to move Justin so he could sit up and was thankful but also worried that he complied and let Brian move his body. Justin felt too weak to fight against him anymore tonight, so he let Brian move his body so they were facing each other. However, Justin refused to look into the beautiful hazel eyes that he had desperately fallen in love with. He couldn't believe he still felt love for this man. After what he had done to could he even say the word love?


“Come on Justin, let’s get you home.” Brian's voice was barely above a whisper as he picked Justin up and walked him towards his jeep.


Michael chose to stay quiet as he helped open one of the back doors to the jeep so Brian could place him inside.


“What's your address?” Brian waited but there was no response. Justin was laying down in the back of the jeep, he wasn't going to acknowledge Brian. He just couldn't. “Justin, please.” There was still no answer.


Michael finally chose to speak up. “Justin, we just want to take you home so you can get some rest.” He tried to sound apologetic on behalf of Brian as he could only guess what had happened between them.


But alas, still no answer.


Michael and Brian looked at each other having no idea what to do. Until Michael thought of a place he could take him. The diner. His Ma would be able to talk to him… hopefully.


Michael pulled Brian a bit closer so he could tell him his plan. “What about taking him to Ma? She might be able to get him to talk?”


Brian thought it was a pretty good idea as Debbie could get almost anyone to talk. But then he knew he would get a scolding from her. But he also didn't care, he felt he kind of deserved it for what he had done to Justin. Plus, it was the only idea they had come up with. He didn't know why but he still had that feeling in his stomach which made him feel like he didn't want Justin to just go. He wanted him to be a part of his life. What the hell is happening to you Kinney? He thought.


“Yeah, good idea Mikey.” Brian replied and they both got into the jeep and towards the diner.



End Notes:

Hey guys!

I originally started to write this fanfic a while ago and posted the first 2 chapters. I took it down not too long after i posted it as i wanted to improve it. Some of it has slightly changed, so i hope you enoy. Will be posting weekly.

Chapter 2: Feelings. What are they exactly? by ZoeyQaF
Author's Notes:

Brian is trying to deal with all these weird new emotions that he doesnt feel ready to face yet. But maybe Justin is worth the new challenge?

Brian parked a couple feet away from the diner and turned to look at Justin. He saw that the kid was just lying there staring into space and ignoring the whole situation at hand. “Right… we’re here.” Brian announced with a quiet voice.


Justin didn't even bother to look outside but just sat up and got out the car. As he looked at the time of his watch he realised it was too late to go to his house without waking his parents up and getting questioned about where he had been and why he would come back so late, and he couldn't reach Daphne because his phone had died. Fuck. He didn't know what to do or where to go, so he just decided to go along with Brian and Michael.


That's when he realised he was losing to Brian. He was letting Brian help him after what he had done to him. After treating him like that. Justin wasn't going to let that happen or let Brian help. He walked into the diner that was in view, only guessing this is the one they were talking about, and went straight into the toilets. It took Brian and Michael by surprise that Justin had the strength to get up and walk at a fast pace towards the diner as he had seemed to weak before. They quickly sped up their own pace so they could keep an eye on Justin. When they got into the diner and had seen Justin walk towards the toilet, they decided that Michael would go and talk to his Ma about what had happened to see if she can help, and that Brian will follow Justin into the toilets.


Brian entered the main door to the men's toilets and saw that the two stalls were both locked. He called Justin's name but didn't get an answer...obviously.


Justin was sitting on the loo with his feet lifted from the ground and his knees pulled tight close to his chest, not wanting Brian to know what one he was in.


“Justin. Can you come out? We'll get some food and figure out where you're gonna go.” Brian was still confused as to why he cared so much about this kid.


Suddenly Justin slammed open the door, stared at Brian with incredulous anger and stepped forward to close some of the distance between them. “Why don't you just leave. Me. Alone.” Justin saw that Brian was about to grab his arm and reply but he stepped back. “No. I don't want to hear anything from you…and I definitely don’t want you to touch me.” he paused for a minute, almost going through what he was about to say in his head. “You lead me on, TOOK my virginity, fucked me for the whole weekend and actually made me feel like I was worth something.” Justin let out a heavy breath as he was starting to find it hard to breathe again. “Then suddenly, when YOU decide you've had enough of me, you treat me like I was nothing? Like what we did and how we were together was nothing.” Justin's eyes started to tear up again as he looked at his beautiful ex-lover. He took in a shaky breath. “You hurt me Brian” Justin's voice was just above a whisper and he couldn't look Brian in the eye anymore, so he looked down at his hands which he was fidgeting with and scratching as if it was his coping method. “I thought we had something special, the way you looked at me, smiled at me… even how you touched me so gently as if you cared about me. Why do all of that just to throw me away?” Justin then looked back up at the shining hazel eyes to see if he could make out any emotion that Brian might show.


Brian just stood there completely confused about how he was feeling. He didn't flinch at Justin saying he thought they had something special, he found himself agreeing… no that can't be. He was looking at the teary blue eyes that he thought he could never get enough of and then he was the one looking down because he felt uncomfortable looking at the sadness on the blonde’s face.


Justin didn't think Brian was going to reply so he just went to walk towards the door until he heard Brian's voice. He couldn't make out what he was saying because it was so quiet. “What?” He asked, even though part of him wanted to walk out and forget that any of this had ever happened. But he knew the other part of him desperately wanted Brian.


Before Brian could repeat what, he mumbled, Debbie came bursting through the door.


“Hello boys” Debbie greeted them with a smirk on her face and her hands on her hips.


Brian silently cursed her for walking in on that very moment, but was also relieved as he wasn't sure if he might be ready to talk to Justin about his feelings… the feelings that were so strange to him, that he always seemed to feel when Justin was close to him or on his mind. Which at the moment had been 24/7. ‘Fuck! I only spent a fucking weekend with the kid and I can’t get him out of my head. What is going on Kinney?’ Brian got pulled out of his thoughts by Debbie.


“Whatcha’ boys doing in here?” Debbie looked at Brian seeing a certain tint of emotion on his face that she had never actually seen before. She then looked at one of the most beautiful twinks she had ever seen with Brian. She felt bad as she caught a glimpse of his beautiful bright blue eyes that were filled with tears and that seemed to show some pain. Looking at him more firmly she gave him a sincere look. She also noticed his golden blonde locks, and not to mention his perfectly shaped bubble butt. Damn Brian, you definitely know how to pick em’, you just never know how to keep em’ Debbie thought.


“Um… I just went to the toilet?” Justin answered, confused at the sudden interruption of this  stranger, also feeling quite intimidated by the loud redhead.


“Debbie this is Justin. Justin, Debbie.” Brian introduced them.


Debbie went in for one of her ever so famous bear/mother hugs with Justin. Justin however was finding it hard to breathe.


“Debs, let the boy breathe for god's sake.” Brian dryly commented. “Why did you even come in here?” Brian asked as he was intrigued as to what Michael had told her.


“I came to tell you both that the lemon bars seem to be selling quite quickly and I didn't want you two to miss out.” Debbie replied sounding chuffed with herself as she made the sarcastic yet also kind of serious remark.


“Huh?” Justin was just getting more confused with each sentence Debbie was speaking.


“Come on Sunshine, let's go get you some lemon bars, on the house tonight.” Debbie smirked at him whilst grabbing his arm and yanking him out.


Sunshine? Brian thought. “You too asshole” Debbie called back to Brian giving him a motherly look before making it out the shutting door.


Brian watched as the door shut and let out the breath he didn't realise he was holding. Suddenly the other stall opened and this big bear of a man came out, looking Brian in the eye. “I know you're Brian “fucking” Kinney and all.” Using his hands to make the quotations symbols when talking about the “fucking” part. “You know, ‘the Stud of Liberty Avenue’ and I know you've got a reputation to live up to. But for what it's worth, he seems like a 1 in a million.” He was now washing his hands and Brian was just staring at him. “And what I heard that you just did to him fucking sucks dude. I knew you weren't the relationship type but I didn't know you were a heartless prick.” He grabbed a paper towel to dry his hands. “Let go of your fucking pride and actually feel something for once.” And with that the big bear of a man tossed the paper towel in the bin and walked out the bathroom without a second glance at Brian. Brian just stood there, completely frozen and confused as to what the guy had said to him. He should just shove it off thought, right? Take no notice of it… but he couldn’t. What that guy had told him, had really stuck and sunk into him mind.


He turned around and looked at himself in the mirror, trying to see if he could see anything different because he felt different. But nothing was different to him. He still looked hot, still looked like the stud. So, what was going on?




“There you go sunshine” Debbie said as she placed a plate of lemon bars down in front of Justin. “Would you like a drink with them?”


“Thanks… just water would be good.. thanks” Justin was feeling quite uncomfortable and just wanted to walk out the diner.


“Sure thing kiddo” Debbie ruffled Justin's hair before she went to get some water for him.


Michael was sitting in front of him, drinking a coke and just looking at him.


“Ah.. are you alright now?” Michael asked Justin between sips of his drink.


“Yeah. Thanks...for helping me and stuff.” Justin appreciated Michael's concern and dug into the lemon bars.


“Here you go.” Debbie returned with the water for Justin. “If you want anything else just shout for me, okay!” Debbie rubbed the back of Justin's back in a motherly way and then turned to Michael. “And you make sure he is okay and keep an eye on him, otherwise it'll be me you answer to okay!”


“Jeez ma! Okay.” Michael answered with a huff and sipped at his drink again.


“Oh.” Justin was surprised.


“What? Are you okay?” Debbie asked with worry in her voice.


“No… I mean yeah, I'm all good thanks. I just didn't realise you were mother and son.” Justin smiled slightly.


“Oh, sweetie you had me worried then.” Debbie relaxed again.


“Sorry” said Justin with a guilty look on his face.


“Yeah sometimes I even question how this crazy lady could be my mother.” Michael chuckled at his own little joke, but was stopped by a smack at the back of his head.


“Ouch! Ma!” He rubs the back of his head. “But then she does that and I'm reminded” Michael smiles at his ma and kisses her on the cheek.


Justin chuckled at the their behaviour and smiled one of his bright sunshine smiles. Debbie placed her hand on his cheek and gave it an affectionate pinch. She smiled back at him but then realised his sudden change of posture and attitude as he looked to his right just behind her. His sunshine smile disappeared, his posture became slouched as if he was trying to hide himself, his eyes met his almost empty plate and he started to fidget with his hands and scratching them mindlessly.


“What did I miss?” Brian announces his return from just behind Debbie.


“Finally!” Mikey says after finishing off his drink. Debbie ignores Brian and Michael. Lifts Justin’s chin with her hand and just winks at Justin as she gives him one more affectionate squeeze to his cheek to show that he'll be alright. Justin decided then and there that he really likes Debbie and that he hopes to see her again after all his mess is over with tonight. He smiles once more at her, but then his eyes move towards Brian.


Brian just rolled his eyes at Michael and then looks down at Justin. However, Justin looks down at his plate as soon as Brian makes eye contact with him. He had noticed how Justin's shoulders and his body language had sunk as if he was uncomfortable in his presence. That hurt him a little, but he couldn't exactly blame the kid. Brian looked down and realised the blond was fidgeting with his hands again and Brian realised his hands looked red and sore from where he was scratching and fiddling.


Brian started feeling something close to sympathy for the kid. To see him hurt himself without even noticing was kind of…. heartbreaking.


Justin looked up slightly and noticed Brian had whispered something into Debs ear. Debbie gave Brian a look of concern as well as a warning at first but then eventually told Michael she needed to talk with him. He was hesitant at first but then complied with his Ma as he saw the way Brian was looking at Justin. Michael thought that he had never seen such a look of pure guilt and pain on his best friend's face, so he knew this was serious.


Once Debs and Michael had moved over to the counter, Brian moved to sit next to Justin in the booth, nudging him over slightly so he had more room.


Brian saw how uncomfortable Justin looked at first and hated himself for it as he knew he was the cause of it. He took Justin's hand into his and started to rub and soothe the red marks and scratches on the blonde’s hands where he had scratched and picked at. Justin first flinched at the touch but then let it happen as although Brian had hurt him, he still felt so comforted and safe by the older man's touch. Fuck he thought, he was so fucked. Why did he have to fall in love with Brian? He wanted him so badly but feared more heartbreak.


Justin was so deep in thought that he didn't realise Brian was trying to talk to him. “Justin… Justin?” Brian placed a hand on the boy’s cheek to get him to look at him.


Justin finches slightly but then found himself leaning into Brian's touch. When he realised what he was doing he moved away but got pulled back by Brian.


“Look Justin...I'm not sure what has happened and I don't know what I'm feeling.” Brian had no idea where this was coming from and before he knew it the words were out of his mouth. “I've always lived by my own rules and I never let anyone tell me different, because it's my life and I'm the one who gets to decide how I want to live it. But...” He had no idea what he was doing. “But... ever since meeting you… I... I don't know. I just... feel different.”


Brian looked up into his now favourite blue eyes where he thought he could see tears form. He was hoping they were good tears as he hated the thought of hurting this beautiful boy anymore. Fuck. Had he just thought that? He went to look away but Justin went to say something but stopped himself. “What?” Brian urged him on.


Justin felt hesitant but repeated himself, still very quietly. “If... if you feel different ever since meeting me, why… did you push me away? Why did you hurt me when we were having so much fun? You made me feel so loved and cared for and then suddenly you treat me like I'm nothing but trash?” Justin goes to look into Brian's eyes but finds it too difficult so he looks down at his hands which are still enclosed in Brian’s.


Brian was looking straight ahead trying to figure out a way to answer Justin's multiple questions. “I-I … fuck. I don't know why, it's just what I do, it's just who I am. Shit... I don't know Justin. Okay, I don't know.” Justin decided to look up into the full hazel eyes and saw there was meaning behind them. He could see it was hard for Brian to talk to him and be so open. He was so scared of getting hurt though he didn't know if he could willingly give his trust and love back to the man who had already broken his heart after such a short amount of time. It was frustrating because he really wanted him. More than anything else in his life, he wanted to be with him.


Brian turned to look back at Justin, he saw the way he was looking at him, almost like trying to analyse him. It freaked him out a bit and he decided he wanted to be somewhere a bit more private before they continued their talk. “Look, could we go somewhere more private? I don't want the gossiping queens of Liberty Avenue to see that I'm trying to explain myself to you.” Brian didn't realise how harsh he made that sound until he saw the look of pain that came across on Justin's face.


Justin’s body language changed and he slid away as much as he could from Brian. “Yeah, we wouldn't want anyone else to see that you could possibly have a heart.” Justin huffed and rolled his eyes.


“Fuck” Brian mumbled. “All I ever do is try to fix things but then I just go and fuck it up.” He said under his breath to himself and looking straight ahead, not realising he had said it out loud.


Justin looked towards Brian who now had his thumb and forefinger pressed up on the bridge of his nose, almost as if he was trying to ward off a bad headache or something. He didn't know what to do though. Why should he let Brian decide where to go or what to do after he had hurt him? “Have you ever thought about why you need to fix these “things” in the first place though?” Justin found himself saying without even realising at first.


“What?” Brian turned to look at Justin.


Justin was at first hesitant to talk again but felt like he needed to try and help Brian understand something. “Y-You say how you're always trying to fix things but fuck it up. Do you ever realise that the reason why you try to fix things in the first place is because you deliberately caused it?” Justin doesn't look at Brian as he explains this as he gets too nervous.


Brian looks on at Justin as he is trying to process what the young blond has just said. How would he know that? How can this kid already know so much about my thought process? “Justin, can we please just go somewhere more private to have this type of conversation? I can drive you home and we can talk in the car, or you can come back to the loft to talk. Just anywhere but here.” He can't believe that he is pleading Justin to finish this talk. He hates talking, but for some reason he wants to talk to Justin and sort out all the shit he caused.


Justin looked at him and again saw the meaning and pleading in his favourite hazel eyes. He still didn't want Brian deciding what to do. He shouldn't be able to after what he did. But then he thought back to where he would stay tonight as he couldn't go back home now and didn't want to just stride up to Daphne’s, even though that's where he told his parents he would be for the weekend. He didn't want to get her into trouble too. If anything, he decided he could probably stay on Brian's sofa at the loft or at least ask for some money for a hotel room after.


Justin closes his eyes briefly as if it was helping him to decide what to do. “Fine.” He opens his eyes and looks at Brian. “Let's go back to your loft, you can “explain yourself” to me and we'll see from there. But if you treat me like another piece of trash, that's it. I'm done.” Justin said drily.


Brian was taken back by Justin's tone of voice. It was almost as if Brian was now talking to himself. It made him realise just how he can sound to other people sometimes. He didn't know why but he wanted Justin's trust back, he wanted to see the boy smile again. He wanted… Justin.




End Notes:

Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think :)

Chapter 3: Emotions? I don't like them. by ZoeyQaF
Author's Notes:

This is probably the longest chapter of them all. I hope you guys enjoy 

The drive back to the loft was dead silent. Brian kept glancing back and forth from Justin and the road but Justin didn't comply once and just kept his eyes away from Brian's. Brian realised he felt kind of nervous to talk to Justin, he didn't know why he was doing this… he's never done anything like this before. He tried to ignore all the foreign emotions he was feeling and tried to just focus on driving.


Just as Brian pulled up to the parking space in front of his loft he noticed Justin scratching at his hands again. It made him wonder if the kid even knew if he was doing it or not. You could see sore red marks and scratches and even small spots of blood coming from where he just kept on scratching. Brian turned off the ignition and undid his seatbelt. He turned his body just enough so he was slightly facing Justin. He took a breath and then reached for Justin's hands to stop the boy from doing any more damage to himself. “Stop doing that, you're going to make your hands sore.” Brian licked at his thumb and placed it on the small wounds that were showing blood to try and soothe them. All Justin could do was look up at Brian and feel tears running down his cheeks. He hadn’t even noticed himself doing it. It was almost like it was his coping mechanism and he hated it. Just as Brian had said, his hands were always sore because of it, which made him cry even more so as he realised Brian was right.


Brian looks up to see the tears running down Justin’s beautiful rosy cheeks and something in his heart hurts. He removes one of his hands that are holding onto Justin’s and starts to wipe away the tears. However, he gets stopped by Justin flinching his face away from his touch and having his hands shoved away.


“Stop it” Justin says quietly as he undoes his seatbelt. “Just stop it!” He says a bit louder, almost near to a shout as he tries to open the door of the jeep to get out. Brian is quick to grab his arm and stop him from getting out though.


“Please Justin, I didn’t mean to do anything to upset you. Just wait a minute?” Brian finds himself almost begging.


Justin just sits there looking at where Brian’s hand is on his arm and then meeting the hazel eyes. Brian takes that as a silent request, so he takes his hand away from Justin’s arm. They sit there in silence for a minute or two until Brian starts to feel uncomfortable.


“Look, Justin. Just tell me what to do to get all this shit out of the way so we can forget about. This is so tiring.” He says as he combs is fingers through his hair.


Justin snorts out of frustration and annoyance. “Yeah it is fucking tiring, try being the one with the fucking broken heart and the stupidity of believing anything that comes out of your fucking mouth!” Justin opens the door of the jeep once again and slams it shut. He starts to walk away from the jeep, down the street and away from Brian.


Brian is caught off guard by Justin's actions but quickly opens the jeep door and starts to walk after him.


When Justin looks back and realises Brian is catching up with him he stops and turns to face him. “Stop. Just make it easier on yourself and leave me alone.” Yet again he was fidgeting with his hands and they were bleeding the worse he had ever seen.


Brian sees his hands and feels quite sick to his stomach as he has never seen anyone deal with stress or hurt the way Justin does: by hurting himself. “No” he says as he pushes Justin up against the wall of his building and takes his hands again. Luckily, he had tissues in his jacket, so he used them to clean up the boy’s hands. He met Justin’s eyes and saw the pain that the boy was feeling, trying to soothe him with his own calming expression. After most of the blotches of blood had gone, he was about to start and kiss the soreness away, however, Justin pushed him away and started to cry.


“Stop! Brian!” He is more upset then angry. “Would you just STOP!” Justin pushes Brian away once more and starts to walk away. Brian was starting to feel hurt and annoyed at how Justin kept pushing him away, but then he realised he basically did the exact same thing to him earlier that night. He was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts as he heard a loud honk from a car down the road and towards the direction Justin had just gone it.


He walked after the kid once again to see him standing just in front of a car that looked like it had almost hit him. Justin was frozen in place as shock took over his body. He was so out of it that he hadn’t even thought to look when crossing the road.


“Justin! Are you okay?” Justin heard Brian call for him, which made him move and pick up his speed that he started to jog away from Brian. Why won’t he just leave me alone?


Brian quickly notices Justin pick up his speed and runs after him. As soon as he catches up with Justin, he reaches one of his long arms around his waist and the other around his chest and stops the boy in his tracks. They almost fall face first to the floor but Brian could keep a good enough balance to make them fall over onto Brian's ass and catching Justin's fall onto his lap.


“Justin, why do you keep running away from me?” Brian says slightly out of breath.


“Let go of me! You can't do that to me! It’s not fair!” Justin was in tears, sobbing and hitting Brian's arms to try and get out of the tight grip he had on him.


“Do what? Justin calm down. What am I doing that keeps making you run away from me?” Brian is so confused right now that all he can do is wait for Justin to answer while he makes his hold on him even tighter so he can't get away.


At first Justin wasn’t going to let him in. But he had to explain that Brian was confusing him, kept caring for him but beforehand shrugging him off like nothing. It just didn’t make any sense. See, Justin’s life at home was horrible. He would normally stay at Daphne’s as it was constant judgement at home. He never felt cared for or loved. He never felt good enough. He knows he has mental health issues, and so when he met Brian he thought that he finally had something in his life to be excited about and he could forget about all the problems and he was finally happy. Yes, he had Daphne, but she recently got a new boyfriend so he felt lonely. And he wanted a boyfriend, he wanted someone to love and someone to love him back. So, when Brian came along he thought it was meant to be. He felt it! But now, just like always, he wasn’t cared for or loved. Love was bullshit.


Justin finally answered him. “Care for me. Soothe my hands where they hurt, look at me as if you want to help me and be there for me. It's too confusing. It's not fair. You say you don't care about me and that all I am is another fuck...” he is still trying to get out of Brian's strong hold and is starting to get out of breath. “...but then you look at me, like that! And you-you hold me close to you as if you never want me to leave and you make sure my tears don't reach my chin and you… you...” he finally stops hitting Brian's arms and fighting against his strength as he just feels too weak now. He doesn't really know what he's doing or saying and now he feels dizzy again.


Brian just sits there holding Justin close to him and rocking them back and forth trying to soothe him and help him calm down. Once he feels like Justin won't run away again, he loosens his grip and starts to move Justin around so he can see his face. He sees the boy breathing heavily but can feel that his body is weak. He decides to get up from the ground and pick Justin up. He carries him in his arms as he walks towards the loft to take him inside.


Justin doesn't fight Brian and just lets him carry him in his strong and comforting arms. He tilts his head on his shoulders and gets his breathing back under control.




Brian just about opens the loft door as it is quite difficult with Justin still in his arms. He walks towards the bed and lays Justin down on top of the covers. He walks back over to close the front door and then heads into the kitchen to grab Justin a bottle of water and himself a glass of beam. Before he can go back over to Justin though, he takes a minute to compose himself and takes a deep breath.


“Here, drink some water.” Brian hands Justin the bottle of water as he sits down on the side of the bed next to Justin.


Justin is hesitant at first when he looks at Brian. But eventually after sitting up slightly, he takes the bottle and drinks a little. He then places the bottle on the bedside table and sits back, resting on the headboard.


For a while there is an awkward silence between the two of them, but Brian feels it's necessary to start talking now so that they can get it over with. So, he decides to stand up and walk around the bed until he is sitting right next to Justin on the bed. He copies Justin and takes a few sips of his beam and then places the glass on the bedside table.


Just as he was about to place an arm around Justin to try and comfort him, he noticed Justin fidgeting and scratching his hands again. He had noticed that it was Justin’s coping mechanism when he was either angry, scared or nervous. He was about to reach for his hands but then remembered what Justin had said to him outside. He got back up out of bed and walked into the bathroom.


Justin was just sitting there, waiting for Brian to initiate the talk. He was confused when Brian sat down on the bed really close to him, but then got back up and went into the bathroom. He looked in the direction of Brian's retreating back and then quickly looked down at his hands when he noticed Brian reappear. That's when he realised he was doing the scratching thing to his hands again. Making them bleed again.


Brian walked back out of the bathroom and went into the kitchen. Justin didn’t know what he was doing but could just about make out that Brian had grabbed something from the kitchen counter. Brian walked back over to the bedroom and knelt onto the bed. He then straddled Justin's legs, sat down and looked at the beautiful boy in front of him. Blue eyes met hazel ones as the sudden position they were in was a shock, however he didn't move Brian from where he was.


Brian reached out to grab the scratched hands. He held out a damp rag and some salt. Justin’s eyes grew big as he now knew what Brian was going to do. Brian reached for Justin’s right hand as he looked into the deep ocean blue eyes. He took the salt and waited a couple seconds before he sprinkled the salt onto Justin’s hands and over the open cuts and scratches. Justin cried out in pain and tried to move his hand away from Brian but he had a tight grip. Brian placed the salt back down and grabbed the warm and damp rag. He placed it over Justin’s hand. Brian hated it that he was physically hurting Justin, but he wanted to heal his hands. The rag had at first intensified the pain but then help to subdue it. After a couple of minutes Brian pulled the rag off Justin’s hand and then went through the same routine for Justin’s left hand, which wasn’t any easier. After the small spots of blood were gone and his hands had calmed down so they weren't so red, Brian pulled one hand up at a time and softly kissed them to try and soothe the wounds even more.  He then grabbed some cream out from his pockets that he got from the bathroom earlier and began to place small dollops on his hands and massaged them gently. He had no idea where this was coming from just like before outside, but it just felt right to help Justin. He was glad that Justin let him do it this time.


Justin looked up to see Brian kissing his hands and finally let a faint smile spread across his lips. He knew he was totally fucked. He hated this man for treating him how he did, but he could also see Brian was trying. He didn’t know or really understand why, after he had kicked him out. But he could see that Brian almost looked or felt guilty. Maybe he did want Justin to stay in his life? And Justin realised he also loved him so much that he would do anything to have him in his life.


Brian looked down to see the faint smile spreading across Justin's lips and it made him feel just a little bit better. He moved all the stuff he had brought over onto the bedside table and sat close next to Justin. “Why do you do that to yourself? Do you even realise when you do that to yourself?” Brian asked in just above a whisper.


Justin looked down to see his hands and shook his head. “No, not really. It's just a habit I guess. I only ever notice if it bleeds a lot.” Justin just kept looking at his hands.


Brian pulled Justin so he was straddling him, he hugged him close and nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck. “I think you need to try and find a new habit. It's really difficult to watch you hurt yourself.” Brian said into Justin’s neck that he nearly didn’t hear him. Plus, it made him flinch slightly from the tickle. Justin loved the feeling of Brian holding him. Being in his arms just felt so right. Brian moved slightly so he could face Justin. He saw strands of hair in front of his favourite pair of eyes. He wiped away the golden locks of hair and placed it behind his little seashell ear.


“I probably should huh?” Justin chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood. He looked into Brian's eyes and felt bad for making him constantly see his bad habit. He hated it that he couldn't always control it.


Brian couldn't keep his eyes off this beautiful blond boy in front of him. He couldn't understand how or why he chose to throw him out earlier that night. He just got so scared that he could have had something special with someone. He didn't deserve that right? He didn't want a relationship, or all the lesbianic sentiments that are included in a relationship… did he?


He decided to ignore all the ‘warning’ signs going off in his head to tell him to chuck the boy out again as panic started to take over his emotions. Why did he always feel like this when he possibly felt something for someone? To be honest he has never felt this strongly attracted to another man in his life, but not just that, he cares for this boy and he wants to hold him. Even cuddle him?! What was going on. I guess like Justin, he needed to get out of that habit and start to trust that he could truly be happy. He knew it was going to be tough and he would probably fuck it up… shit, he already had. But he promised himself he wouldn't hurt Justin on purpose ever again. He wouldn’t Justin because he feared losing his reputation, that wasn’t right. He wanted Justin to come first. Shit! What was happening? He wanted to get to know Justin.


“Do you know how it started?” He asked warily as it might be a tough subject for Justin.


Justin wasn’t sure if he wanted to go into depth as he hated people feeling sorry for him or having sympathy. It made him feel uncomfortable. But he also wanted Brian to know. He wanted to get to know him and have Brian know more about himself.


“I think it started around the time I found out I was gay. I was around the age of 13 I think. It gave me a lot of anxiety as I was always told it was a sin - my family is very church based. My dad would always tell me how he pictured my future and how he couldn’t wait until I brought my first girlfriend home. He would always come into my room without knocking and talk to me about sports and shit I had no interest in. One night he came in while I was sketching. I had been drawing this hot guy that was in my gym class. I did multiple portraits of him and then his body. My dad burst in like always and he had seen it. He got so mad that he snatched it away from me and my pencil. He caught the back of my hand with the pencil which had scratched it and caused it to bleed. I guess I was in shock of how badly he reacted to me just sketching a male body part that I knew I would never be able to tell him I was gay. And for some reason I was became fascinated by the scratch and blood on my hand that it kind of blocked out what he was saying and my nerves and anxiety kind of felt numb. I wouldn’t exactly say it disappeared but it didn’t feel so heavy. So, I guess my mind took that in and every time I feel anxious, scared or even angry sometimes, I find myself scratching and making a different pain to what I feel inside. I tried cutting my arm and legs but it didn’t feel the same. It didn’t help me forget. Plus, I can fidget with my hands anywhere really. I guess that’s why I sometimes don’t realise I’m doing it. I know it sounds like such a stupid thing but I haven’t been able to stop ever since” There was a big pause. “Actually, you’re the first person to actually notice it. Or at least try to stop me and ask me about it. No one else has seemed to care.”


Brian was speechless. He had no words for how he was feeling. He couldn’t even imagine doing that to himself. Yeah, he drunk himself silly sometimes and took hit after pill after tab but he had never thought to hurt himself like that. He could see Justin was starting to feel uncomfortable. He took ahold of Justin’s hands and looked at them. He had actually noticed something was up with them to first night they met but thought he just played sports or some shit that fucked up his hands.


Brian was pulled out of his thoughts as Justin had removed his hands from Brian’s hold and gotten up to start looking around the loft. Before following Justin to see what he was doing, he looked at his clock and realised just how late it really was. Even though he would probably still be at the club at this time in the morning: 2:45am, he felt extremely tired from tonight's events. He walked over to Justin who was now looking out of the floor to ceiling window, almost contemplating about something.


Brian placed his head on Justin’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around his waist. He took a couple minutes before he decided to talk. “It’s not stupid. It’s completely understandable. I just wish you hadn’t gone through all of that.” He didn’t know where that came from but he was just going to stick with it. Justin slowly nodded and enjoyed Brian’s touch.


“You got school tomorrow?” Brian asked as he had learnt from earlier that night Justin was 17 and still in school. He also wanted to change the subject so Justin didn’t feel uncomfortable.


Justin was grateful for the change of topic. “No thank god. I have 2 weeks off for my study leave. I have my SATs coming up soon so they gave the students some time off to ‘study’.


“Do you not enjoy school? I mean I know most teenagers don’t like it, but you seem pretty smart” Brian turns him around to face him and pulls him in for a hug. He plays with the back of the golden locks. At first Justin doesn't respond so he thinks about moving away but then he feels Justin's smaller hands wrapping around his waist holding him close and his head resting in the crook of his neck. He smiles to himself as he feels comfortable with Justin in his arms.


Justin leans into the embrace and lets himself smile at Brian’s words. He thinks I’m smart? He sighs out slightly. Almost as if letting go of some of the anger and emotion he had gone through that night.


“I hate it. I have to deal with all these homophobic dicks at school who bully me… Around about last month, this one guy caught me staring at the jocks in the showers with their dicks out. Ever since then, him and all his friends have given me shit about it. They push me against lockers, grab my books and throw them about. They even torched my locker with all my books in. I tried opening it for some stupid reason and it burnt me on my hand here.” Justin moved so he could show Brian his small burn between his thumb and forefinger. Brian grabbed a hold of his hand and kissed the burn. Justin smiled up at him and continued to talk. “I'm sure one of them is gay though, he is always rubbing himself up against me, making it out that he's making fun of me and seeing if I'll get hard, but I swear I felt his boner against my leg the last time he did it.” Justin nuzzles his face closer into the crook of Brian's neck and lets out another loud sigh.


Brian holds him closer and buries his nose in Justin's hair and kisses his temple. “I'm sorry” Brian says just over a whisper.


“It’s fine, I’m used to it now. Plus, I don’t have much longer to go which is good and then hopefully it’s off to PIFA for me. Well, if my dad will pay my tuition or can get a scholarship…”


Brian was had his arms wrapped around Justin’s slender waist. “No… I. I mean. Fuck I hate this.” He looked down, scared of talking so freely with Justin. Why? He really liked this kid’s company and liked listening to him…which never happened! He needed to just get the fuck on with it and say it. “I… I meant that...” Fuck... he couldn't even believe he was about to apologise. Sorry is bullshit, right? But he wanted to apologise to Justin, he owed it to Justin after all he put the kid through. Somehow, he knew he wanted Justin in his life. He was kind of grateful that Justin hadn't just walked away and that Michael had bumped into him. It made him realise just how much he enjoyed just being with this amazing boy.


Justin looked up to see that Brian was struggling. He reached his hand to tip up Brian's head so he could see his favourite pair of hazel eyes. “It's okay Brian. Just say it. Whatever it is, its fine.” He didn't know where that came from but he could tell this was hard for Brian.


“I... I meant I’m sorry for tonight. I’m sorry I put you through all this shit, and made you keep hurting yourself and scratching your hands. I’m sorry that I kept making you cry and that I hurt you in so many ways. You’re so young, you didn’t need this. You don’t need this, need me. You could do so much better.” There was a pause” I… I’m just sorry.” Brian lowered his head again because he couldn’t bear to look into the eyes he had started to lo…really like.


Justin didn’t expect that. He took a minute to he could take in all that Brian had just told him. He felt relieved that Brian obviously had felt something to be able to apoloise but he also felt slightly angry at saying he was too young and didn’t need him. That Brian wasn’t worthy? What the hell. Didn’t this man understand he had fallen for him. Yes, they had only spent 2 days together and he had already been heartbroken so Justin might be making a mistake, who knows? Its life. But he just knows that being with this man, being held in his arms just feels so fucking right. Then he realised Brian was waiting there, probably freaking out that he hadn’t responded.


“Brian.” Justin placed the palm of his right hand against Brian’s chest. “Brian, look at me” Justin said in a calm voice. “Please”.


Brian finally looked up and Justin could see the tears that were waiting to fall. Brian tried not to but he had to blink and the tears fell. Justin wiped them away with his thumbs and held Brian’s face so their eyes connected. He was going to go on a big rant about why Brian was wrong and blah blah blah. But after the short time of getting to know Brian, Justin realised he doesn’t always take compliments well. It’s just his stubbornness. So, he decided to go with a short and sweet reply.


“I forgive you. And I want you. You deserve so much more than you think Brian. Just don’t hurt me again, please?” He then leaned in and softly but passionately kissed Brian’s lips. When he pulled away Brian looked at him.


At first Brian nodded but then he very quietly replied: “I can’t promise that I won’t fuck up, but I want you in my life and I will never push you away again or hurt you on purpose.” Then Brian leaned in for another kiss. 


“That sounds fair enough. I will probably fuck up to. But you saying this…does that mean we’re together?” Justin saw the hesitance on Brian’s face. “I don’t want to push, I would just like to have a little bit more information… please.”


Brian thought about it for a while. He had never been with anyone before. “Let’s just say we have each other. Let’s promise that we’re here for each other. Is that okay?” Brian asked.


“Okay, but it would be so cool in the future that I could be able to call you my boyfriend. I mean look at you, your basically sex on legs.” Justin gave him chuckle and then one of his biggest sunshine smiles.


“Ha. Ha.” Brian said although you could see the smile he was trying to hide. As much as he hated labels, he didn’t mind Justin bringing up. He just seemed to change everything. “Speaking about sex…?” Brian chuckled sexily and pulled Justin in for a long and hard kiss. Justin moaned into his mouth while Brian held him close.


He wondered where this ‘thing’ was gonna go with Brian, but he felt happy right now and that’s all that mattered to him. Brian had promised him they had each other. That was enough for him to feel comfortable.


End Notes:

Hope you enjoyed this Chaapter. Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes etc. Not sure if I want to make this fic longer or maybe just add one more chapter. I'm kind of making it up as I go from here. Also thank you for your reviews!

Chapter 4: Things Change by ZoeyQaF
Author's Notes:

This chapter is pretty hard hitting. Warning for violence within this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy.

Justin was in a deep sleep, having an amazing dream about Brian. They were in bed lying next to each other, after having some amazingly crazy sex, and Brian was soothingly rubbing Justin’s arm while talking and smiling with him. It felt so comfortable, and so…real. Like he could actually feel Brian’s hand, touching and comforting him.




“Mmm mh” Justin turned over slightly towards the middle of the bed.




“5 more minutes please” Justin scrunched up his face as he wanted to get back to his dream. Although he could still feel the touch of Brian’s hand on his arm, which made him smile.


“Justin….psst. Come on Sunshine, time to wake up”


“Please…just 5 more minutes mom…” Justin pleaded.


“Mom? Really?” Brian chuckled.


“Huh? Brian?” Justin slightly opened his left eye, confusing himself of where he was.


“Yup, the one and only.” Brian smiled at Justin, while continuing to rub his hand over the boy’s arm soothingly.


“Shit” Justin tiredly chuckled “I’m sorry, I guess I was just caught up in my dream” He blushed slightly.


“I guess last night really took it out of you, huh?” Brian chuckled and then leaned in for a slow and gentle morning kiss.


“Mmm, I guess it did.” Justin smiled back and cuddled up to the warm body that belonged to the most beautiful man in Pittsburgh.


“Well, I’m sorry to ruin this moment for you but I need to get to work Sunshine.” Brian ran his fingers through the golden blond hair and kissed Justin’s forehead.


Justin looked up at Brian and started pouting at the news. Brian chuckled at him and lightly kissed his nose. “Do you have to go in? Maybe take a sick day?” Justin whined dramatically and cuddled up even closer to Brian. “I mean wouldn’t you rather stay in bed…” Justin reached down to Brian’s hard on and lightly started to rub his length “…with me and let me make you feel good?” He started to kiss Brian’s neck and up his jawline.


“mmpf… Justin…that’s not fair” He chuckled as he felt himself grow harder with the boy’s hand rubbing him.


“But it’s what you want. I know it’s what I want.” He chuckled into Brian’s ear before he lightly bit his earlobe and then sucked it into his mouth.


Brian moaned in response “10 more minutes, but then I really need to get ready for work. Seeing as I own the company, I have commitments to attend.


Justin was shocked to hear that Brian owned his own company! “Damn, Brian. I didn’t know you owned your own company?! That’s hot!” Justin giggled as he kept on stroking Brian’s hard on.


Brian moaned and held Justin close to him. “You have talented hands Sunshine... mmpf” Brian loved the feeling of Justin’s hands on him. He looked at the time quickly and although he hated to, he had to hurry things along. “As good as this feels, I’m gonna be late for work. Don’t you need to get home anyways? Your parents must be getting worried.” Brian pulled him closer, but realised Justin suddenly tensed up and stopped his manipulations with his hard on. Justin moved away from Brian and rolled out of bed.


“Hey? What’s wrong?” Brian asked in confusion at Justin’s sudden movement.


Justin didn’t answer and grabbed for his clothes.


Brian got out of bed and walked towards Justin. “Justin. What’s wrong? Your whole attitude just changed out of nowhere.”


“Huh? Oh. Nothing. You’re probably right, I should get home.” Justin didn’t look into Brian’s eyes, just kept his eyes down, pretending to look around for anymore clothing, although he already had all of it in his hands. He was itching his hands through the clothing, yet again not noticing.


Brian placed his hand under Justin’s chin and moved it so Justin was looking at him. “Don’t bullshit me. What’s making you feel uncomfortable, and stop trying to scratch your hands.” Brian sounded serious but also worried.


Justin let out a sigh, he hated but also loved how Brian could stop all the bullshit and just get him to share how he was feeling. “Fine… I just don’t like “home”.” Justin uses his hands to make the quotations around the word home. “I just feel like I don’t fit in. How pathetic is that right?” He huffs out a laugh. “I don’t fit into my own family. I just feel like every time my parents look at me, all they see is disappointment.” Justin pauses and looks down at the ground. He fidgets slightly as he hates talking about his home life.


“Hey, look at me.” Brian reaches his hand up to Justin’s cheek and soothingly rubs it to try and comfort the boy.


Justin looks up and can’t help the tears that are now in his eyes, ready to fall if he decides to blink. The urge becomes too strong and each tear falls. Brian rubs away his tears and leans down to kiss Justin, he then pulls the boy into a hug and just holds him. He doesn’t know what to say. He’s always been bad with words. Touching has always been easier.


“I’m sorry, I don’t normally talk about my family because I always end up looking weak and crying like a stupid little faggot. But I guess you’ve seen me even worse huh?” Justin pulls away from Brian and starts to dress slowly, starting with his jeans and then top.


“Sorry’s bullshit. And you’re not a stupid little faggot. I can understand where you’re coming from. My family…if I can even call it that, wasn’t the best. My dad liked to use me as his punching bag when he got wasted.” Brian starts to walk towards his closet, trying to look nonchalant, although he was feeling nothing but weak and haunted from the memories of his childhood. “He always made sure I knew I was a mistake, that he begged Saint Joan for an abortion. But, I always used to just think he was saying that because he was drunk and out of it. Saint Joan, otherwise known as my mother,” He was going through his different suits while talking “didn’t care for me much. God was her love and the only important man in her life. She drunk too, but she was more verbally violent rather than physical. I guess that’s why I struggle with emotions… they were just all beaten out of me that I’m not so sure what they feel like anymore. I almost feel as though I don’t deserve love…” Brian was so lost in his train of thought that he had forgotten he was telling all of this to Justin and that he had just shared more of himself than he had wanted to. He had to think of something before the boy would feel sorry for him. He was about to panic and ask Justin to leave but then, Justin was behind him and placed his hands on his waste, rubbing soothingly up and down. He placed his chin on Brian’s shoulder and just stood there.


Justin couldn’t believe Brian had just confessed all of that to him. But he had realised near the end of his story that he seemed almost lost, and unsure of himself. He had come to realise that Brian didn’t want pity or for anyone to feel sorry for him. So, he decided to just be there with Brian and let him know he was just there for him. Whether he wanted to talk or not.


Brian was scared. Scared of what he had just shared with Justin. He was meant to help Justin, not share his own demons. When he felt Justin’s hands on his waste, slowly rubbing up and down, he closed his eyes and just took in a deep breath. It was almost comforting to just have Justin there, touching him but not talking. When Justin leaned his head on his shoulder he leaned back into the touch. Justin started to kiss Brian’s naked shoulder, lightly pressing his lips up against his skin. He moved to Brian’s neck and then jawline as Brian turned his face towards the touch. Justin turned Brian around and looked at him for a couple of seconds, trying to let Brian know he was there, and that what he had just told him was between just the two of them. That Justin respected him and loved him. He then leaned in for a slow but passionate kiss.


“Go take a shower and get ready for work, I have put my number in your phone. I would ask you to do the same but my phone is dead. I guess I’ll go home and try to study. Call me when or if you want to. Just remember, you have me.” Justin kissed Brian once more, then grabbed his jacket and walked towards the loft door. He looked back at Brian who was in the same spot where he left him, staring back at Justin. Justin gave him a small smile and slid the door shut.


Brian couldn’t move for a while. He didn’t know what he was feeling but he actually felt lighter, almost happy. Justin had respected him and hadn’t pushed him to tell him more. He repeated the words that he had told Justin last night. They have each other. That he has Justin. He decided to go take a shower and get ready for work, feeling like today would be a good day. He thought he was going to fear what Justin thought of him but nothing changed. He smiled to himself in the shower. Got dressed in his favourite Armani suit and was just about to walk out the door, when he had remembered Justin left his number in his phone. He decided he would grab some coffee from the diner first, get into his office and then probably send him a text so Justin could have his number too.






Justin walked through his front door, closing it as quietly as he could. He was rather annoyed that he had to wait half an hour for the bus, but was grateful it wasn’t too packed once he got on. He walks up the stairs thinking about the weekend he had just had and smiled to himself. He walked into his room, distracted by his thoughts that he jumps and almost falls to the ground when he sees his father sitting on his bed.


“Dad! Jeez, you scared the crap out of me.” Justin tries to get his breathing back under control.


“Do not use such language under the roof of my house, boy!” Craig bites out in frustration.


Justin jumped slightly at the tone of voice his dad directed at him but was otherwise used to his dad acting this way. “Sorry, Dad.”


“Where the hell have you been? Craig stood up and walked towards Justin who was still by his open bedroom door.


“At Daphne’s like I told you before the weekend, I just stayed an extra night as Daphne needed me. Sorry I didn’t let you or mum know, I guess I just forgot” Justin lied not so easily but he thought it was pretty damn believable as he basically lives at Daphne’s.


Craig walks up to Justin and looks at him for a couple of seconds, almost as if he is analyzing his son. He pushes past Justin and closes his door. “Come sit with me.” Craig walks towards Justin’s bed and encourages Justin to follow.


“Uh… sure.” Justin was starting to get confused with his father’s actions.


Once they are both seated, Craig starts to look at him again. “Why are you lying to me?”


Justin freezes as he becomes worried about how his dad knows. “What? What do you mean?” He tries to play it cool and not make it noticeable.


Craig stands up and look infuriated. “DON’T LIE TO ME! I AM YOUR FATHER AND YOU NEED TO SHOW ME RESPECT BOY!” He shouts at Justin and flips one of Justin’s sketch books off his desk.


Justin jumps at the sudden shouting.


“You were not at Daphne’s! Your mother called her mother last night asking why you were not home at your usual time. She had also explained to your mother that she hadn’t seen you all weekend as Daphne was with her boyfriend all weekend. We also tried to call you last night but it went straight to voicemail! So, you tell me where you were this past weekend right now! “Craig’s face had started to become red in the face.


Justin was in full panic mode as he wasn’t ready to come out to his family as he knew they wouldn’t accept him, especially his father, who wanted him to go to Dartmouth and become a business man just like his father. And he was always asking when he’d bring a girl home.  FUCK! He decided to take his jacket off and charge his phone to give him more time to think. As he placed he plugged in his phone his phone automatically turned on.


“Answer me boy!!” Craig flew his hands in the air in frustration and anger.


“S-sorry.” Justin stuttered out.


“Come on!”


“I did head to Daphne’s at the start of the weekend, but…. but she was with her boyfriend – and, and I-I felt uncomfortable and I wanted to give them space. So-so, I went out to the park and decided I would go back to hers at night, and then…” Justin was having trouble coming up with an excuse as he hadn’t thought this would happen.


He could see his father was becoming angrier by the second and didn’t know what to do.


Craig stood forward, ready to discipline his son for all the excuses and obvious lies, but on his first step he realised he had stood on something. He looked down and realised it was the sketch book he had hit onto the floor. He bent down to pick it up and turned it over. On the open page was drawing after drawing of the male body. Either the full body or just features. He flicked through the different pages and realised there were even more sketching’s of dick and ass. He felt disgusted.


Justin stood there in complete fear of how his dad was going to react. He couldn’t believe he had been so careless to leave his private sketch book out before he left to check out Liberty Ave. He started scratching his hands so much that they ended up being covered in blotches of blood and it hurt. He at first didn’t realise. But soon noticed when blood was dripping from his fingers and knuckles to the floor. He rubbed his hands on his white top as it was the only thing he could think of to get rid of the blood.


“Dad...” Justin tried to but he couldn’t think of anything to say.


Craig keeps flicking through the book until he has enough. He looks up at his son and can’t believe his eyes. “What is this? Why are all of your sketches of men… NAKED men?”

Craig looks at Justin, waiting for an answer.


“I... It’s for my art class project. We’re studying the naked form. And-and well, all of the models have…have been men so far.” Justin was praying to whatever god that was there to save him and hope his father believed him.


“That is bullshit Justin!” Craig kept on looking at Justin and then decided to look around his room, that’s when he realised his room was covered in image after image of men. He thought they were just for sports inspiration but he realised most of them were topless. How could he have not noticed this?  “You’re a fag? A FUCKING FAIRY?! I did not raise you in my house to become some perverted piece of shit boy!” Craig chucked the book towards Justin.


The sketch book hit Justin in the stomach and he cried out in pain and shock.


“How long have you been like this, hmm? Why did you decide to sin like this? You know it’s disgusting, and that you’re going to burn in hell for this!” Craig walked towards the wall with all the images and posters on and started ripping them down.


“Dad! Stop!” Justin went to stop his dad but got elbowed in the face and he fell back on the bed.


“Don’t you talk to me like that. I am the one with the power here! I am stronger than you. I always will be, especially now that you’re a fucking faggot! We need to get rid of these pictures so you can stop having such perverted thoughts!” Craig continued to rip the posters off the wall.


“I AM NOT PERVERTED YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! I’M JUST GAY! THAT’S RIGHT DAD, I LIKE A NICE BIG, FIRM DICK UP MY ASS. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME? IT MIGHT HELP YOU STOP BEING SUCH A DICK” Justin was so angry at his dad, calling him all these nasty things. Although as soon as he had shouted and answered back he regretted it. He saw his dad turn around and next thing he knew he had a fist hit his face and he fell to the ground. His face already hurt from being elbowed and this blow just made it worse. He was actually scared for his life at this point. He needed to get out.


Just as he was getting up, his father kicked him in the stomach.


“AH, stop! You’re hurting me Dad!” Justin cried out in pain. He was petrified.


“You’re no son of mine. You’re just a weak little, disgusting faggot!” Craig kicked him again in the stomach. Just as he was about to kick him again, he heard Justin’s phone go off.


Justin saw his dad turn around, so he tried to get up. He heard his phone and was hoping and praying it was Daphne. But no such luck for him.


Craig reached for Justin’s phone and after he had read the message his dropped it back down on the desk. “So that’s what you did over the weekend? You truly are fucked up in the head, aren’t you?!”


Justin reached for his phone to see what his dad had just seen but it wasn’t fast enough. Craig grabbed his arm and pushed him back. Justin felt so weak that he fell to the floor and cried in pain. “You are so weak. I want you to leave my house right now. And I NEVER want to see you again!”


Justin couldn’t believe what was happening. Couldn’t believe what his so called dad had just done.


“DO YOU HEAR ME?!” Craig wanted him to answer. He kicked one of Justin’s legs to get the boy to answer him.


“Yes” Justin’s answer was muffled and barely audible.


“I don’t want you to talk to me or your mother ever again. I don’t want her to see this disappointment of a son you are. She doesn’t deserve that. You have 5 minutes to grab what you need and then you are out of this home, and out of our lives.” And with that Craig walked out of Justin’s room and slammed the door shut.


Justin just huddled up on the floor and cried. He was in so much pain, physically and mentally. What had his life come to?


He suddenly remembered his father’s words and knew he didn’t have much time and needed to get his shit together. He grabbed his school gym bag, as it was his biggest one and started with his clothes. He grabbed 3 polo’s, 1 shirt, 2 pairs of jeans and 1 pair of sweatpants. He then grabbed a hoodie and stuffed as many socks and underwear he could in the side pocket of his bag. He then grabbed his school uniform and placed it in the bag neatly as possible. He ran into the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste. He then grabbed his art stuff from his desk. He knew he needed that to keep him sane. He grabbed the sketchbook his dad had thrown at him and then 2 other empty ones, his pencil case and some coloured pens. He heard his dad walking back up the stairs and remembered his needed money! He ran to his closet and got out the old and hidden shoe box where he had about $450 saved from pocket money and babysitting. He was going to save for a car, but that wasn’t possible now. He stuffed the money in his bag and then quickly remembered to grab his phone and charger. Just as he zipped up the bag, his dad came back into the room and told him to get the fuck out. He grabbed his jacket he had taken off earlier and picked up his bag. He had to bite his tongue to hold in the cry of pain he felt when the bag whacked his side. He had momentarily forgotten what his dad had done to him as he was determined not to forget anything. It almost seemd as if things were going in slow motion as all the pain came rushing back at once and he felt like he was almost going to faint. He tool and breath and then walked out of his room and down the stairs. He grabbed his school shoes and then another pair of sneakers and looked back at his dad that was behind him.


He didn’t know what he was expecting but his dad said nothing and just stared at him expectantly. No goodbye or wish you well. He looked around the place he used to call home and then walked out the front door.


He was still in so much pain that he found it difficult to lug around his bag that was so full and heavy of his stuff. He realised he was carrying around his life in that very bag. He had no idea where to go or what to do. He thought about going to Daphne’s but they seemed to be growing apart ever since she started seein Mark, her new boyfriend. He decided if he really couldn’t think of anywhere else to go, he would call her.


He had been walking for a good 10 minutes, but had no destination in mind. He stopped to take a deep breath and to try and think of what to do. He thought of Brian constantly, but didn’t want to pile all his shit on top of him. It would probably scare him off. They had already gone through enough shit to last a life time, so bringing up what happened was a big no. He looked around himself to see where he was. He realised he was close by Liberty Park, so decided to head there and think of a plan. Once he got the park, he sat down on a bench just outside and took in a deep breath. He was thankful that it was quiet. Luckily for him, the younger schools weren’t on study leave so he didn’t have to deal with any children.


While he sat there, he took a minute to feel where the pain was on his body. Unfortunately for him, he bruised very easily. He remembered about his face and needed to check the damage. He took out his phone and clicked on the camera.


“Holy shit” He said under his breath as he got a good look at himself. He looked like complete shit. Both his eyes were bruised, although his left wasn’t nearly as bad as his right. He knew there would be swelling soon. Shit!! There was dried blood in both nostrils that had stopped just above his lips. He looked at his hands holding his phone and finally saw the damage he had done. There was raw and res skin, and dried blood all over his hands. He couldn’t believe he had done that to himself. He then looked down at his top and saw the blood on the white fabric. He was a complete and utter mess. And that’s when he broke down.


He went to text Daphne asking if she was busy today and then saw he had gotten a message from an unrecognized number. That’s when he remembered his dad read something on his phone that made him go bat shit crazy. He re-opened the message and read what it said.


‘Hey Sunshine. Just reminding you that you owe me a hand job as you never finished the one from this morning. Or I can just fuck your tight little ass again. Either one works for me, although I think we’d both enjoy the second one more ;)

Later – B’


Justin felt himself smile at the message that obviously from Brian. He missed Brian. Even though he had seen him this morning, he wanted the man’s touch. He knew he would have to hide all this shit from him though. He couldn’t deal with anymore problems. He hated people feeling sorry for him. He was strong, he could handle this himself. He wasn’t some weak little faggot!


He started to feel angry and realised he had to do something. He put his phone in his pocket as he wasn’t ready to reply to Brian just yet. He decided he would go and buy some cheap makeup to hide his bruises and cuts. He would then change. He had no idea yet but he would find somewhere. He felt determined.




It had been a couple of hours since Brian had sent the text to Justin. He started to get annoyed that he hadn’t answered as he was the one who said to message him. But he kept telling himself that Justin was probably studying and didn’t have his phone nearby.


He had a busy day ahead of him anyways and he had no room for distractions, he just hoped the kid would reply soon. Which felt weird but he was trying his best to not let his emotions get in the way of things.


He had two meetings with new potential clients, one right after the other and for completely different companies. He then had a conference call with one of his most important clients as they had more ideas to share for their campaign and wanted knew things. Then he had to go down to his art department to share the news of the new ideas and designs so they could change the layout. By the time he had finished these tasks it was around 5pm. He realised he hadn’t eaten all day, but that was almost normal for him. He told Cynthia he would be finishing up his paperwork, and then will head home. Running his own company was hard work but every day when he walked through the doors to Kinnetik, he felt extremely proud of himself. And every time he saw Cynthia working hard, he felt extremely grateful for her hard work and dedication to her job.


Once he was done with his paperwork, it was around 6pm and he had told Cynthia to go home as well. He decided he would stop by the diner to get something to eat as it was close by and easier than cooking or ordering thai. As he was walking up to the diner he saw someone who looked a lot like Justin walking into the pharmacy just a couple shops down. He was about to follow when suddenly Emmett jumped in front of him and start talking a mile a minute.


“Hey Bri, you here for some good ol’ delicious food?” Emmett flung the scarf around his neck in such a queen way that it made Brian actually chuckle.


“Hey Honeycutt. Yes, I am here for some food. And I agree its old, but not agreeing with the good.” Brian gave him his traditional smirk and forgot about the pharmacy.


“Don’t call me Honeycutt! And stop being a drama queen and eat with your family!” Emmett pulled him along and inside the diner.


They sat down in their usual booth at the back and met up with everyone else. Ben was sitting next to the wall and had Michael next to him. Ted was opposite Ben with Blake practically on his lap. Lindsay and Mel had chosen to sit at the table just in front of them as Lindsay needed space for her big baby bump. Brian came up and kissed Lindsay on her cheek and rubbed her belly. “How is sonny boy doing?” Brian stopped rubbing her belly and sat next to her.


Lindsay chuckled and then smiled. “He’s doing just fine at the moment” She started to rub her belly. “He’s been kicking a lot. Here, feel again” She grabs his hand and places it on the right side of her belly. They wait for a couple seconds, Brian thinking nothing will happen when all of a sudden, he feels a kick. “Oh my god, our little sonny boy is gonna be a great soccer player.” Brian joked and kissed Lindsay on the cheek once again. He gave Mel a quick nod and went to sit next to Mikey. Emmett was now next to Blake and was talking to Ben about some zen shit.


“Hey Mikey” They gave each other a quick smooch and Brian grabbed the menu.


Michael leaned in close and quietly asked how Justin was. Brian told him he would talk to him about it later and that was that. Michael could see that something had happened and decided to give his best friend some space.


They ordered shortly after and were waiting for their food to arrive, when Brian felt his phone buzz.


‘Hey! I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.

Later – J.’


Brian smiled down at his phone, although he was hoping for a sexual and dirty message back, he was happy he had finally gotten a reply even though it was short and sweet. Just like Justin then. I can’t believe I just thought that.




Justin walked into Liberty Avenue after sitting in the park for a good couple of hours just taking in the fresh air. He decided to sketch for a while and got lost in it. Of course, he had drawn Brian in all his naked glory.


He put his sketchbook and pencil away and grabbed his bag. Yet again he was in a lot of pain from the weight of the bag, but whining about it wasn’t going to help so he just bit his tongue and got on with his plan.


He had decided to go into Liberty Avenue and go into the pharmacy where they sell cheap makeup and all the medication he would need to feel better. He could also do with a couple of bandages for his hands. He didn’t think he would see Brian as it was still early in the evening so he didn’t bother about bumping into him or anyone. While on his way he got lost as he didn’t know the place too well. He started getting panicky as people were everywhere and kept looking at him. Some people asked if he was alright which he guessed was nice but he didn’t want attention so he played it off cool and ignored some people. He finally came across the pharmacy and went inside. He checked his phone and noticed it was around about 6pm. Shit, he still needed to figure out where he could stay.


If he could cover up his bruises well, he would probably ask to stay with Brian but not allow sex. That was going to be hard but he would try.


He walked in and went to the makeup. He found stuff closest to his skin colour and then got some setting powder to make it look more realistic. He then found some bandages for his hands and some anti-bac wipes to clean his up a little. He paid for the items and was relieved that the pharmacist didn’t ask any questions. He quickly remembered to reply to Brian and then went down the next alley he could find and started on the makeup. It was a pretty good match and he was happy the little powder makeup came with a mirror. Once he was happy with that, he bandaged up his hands. He knew Brian would know what happened but would think of a reason to why he did it when the question came. But for the others he would say it was from sculpting or something and his hands were sore. He then quickly changed his bloody shirt with a polo shirt. He put the old shirt in his bag for now as he thought it would look strange and dangerous leaving a top with blood on down an old alley. Especially as it was his blood that some cop could probably trace back to him. He tried to check himself over and once he was happy he started towards the diner to grab some food.


He got to the door and looked inside. He saw Brian with a beautiful, blonde haired woman and was stroking her baby bump. It was such a beautiful scene he knew he would have to sketch it later. Suddenly, he got bumped out of his thoughts as someone pushed by him by hitting his bag. He silently screamed out in pain as the bag yet again hit his bruised body. That made him realise he couldn’t go in there with a huge bag as there would be questions. He had to think of something… He thought he could just say it was stuff to take over to Daphne’s as she asked him to stay round for the week. That would have to do as he was getting tired and hungry.


Finally, taking a deep breath, he walked to the diner door and opened it. Brian had moved over to the booth behind the women and could see Michael next to him. He hesitantly walked further into the diner and slowly came up towards Brian and stood there with a hesitant smile.




They were still waiting for their food to arrive when Brian turned slightly in his seat to see Justin standing there looking uncomfortable.


“Justin? What are you doing here?” Brian asked while he looked the boy up and down. Something wasn’t right. He didn’t seem as bright as he usually did.


“Hey, I came in here to grab some food a noticed you were here. Just thought I’d say hi. Okay… Bye.” Justin felt defeated and it almost sounded like Brian didn’t want him there. He went to walk to another booth when Brian went to grab his hand. He yelped out in pain as the strong hold hurt his hands.


Brian jumped at the yelp of pain and let go of his hand. He looked down to see both of Justin’s hands covered in bandages. Fuck! He’s done it again. It must be worse this time as he’s actually covered them. He decided then and there that Justin would be going back to his to explain what went on. He felt hurt for the boy and wished there was some way to make him feel better. He encouraged Justin to sit next to him, although there wasn’t much space so he ended up slightly on his lap. Normally he would allow it in such a public place but he could see Justin was looking weak and different somehow. So, he didn’t care. He wanted to know what had happened to Justin.


Justin rested his head on Brian’s shoulder and closer his eyes. They hurt so badly and the makeup was making them itchy, but he couldn’t rub at them otherwise the makeup would come off. His stomach rumbled and he felt extremely embarrassed.


“You hungry?” Brian said with a little chuckle.


Justin just nodded quietly and went to pick up a menu. His hands weren’t working properly and he had difficulty picking it up. Brian noticed and picked it up for him.


“Poor baby looked tired. Brian. Are you not going to introduce us to this hot, tired, little thang?” Emmett could tell something was going on between Brian and this beautiful young boy and wanted to know more.


“Emmett, Blake, Ted, Ben, this is Justin. Justin, these are my “friends”” He pointed to each person as he said their name so Justin knew who was who.


“And what about us?” Brian heard Lindsay ask from behind.


“Sorry Linds. Justin, this is Lindsay and her partner Mel.”


Justin smiled at everyone as best as he could but he just felt so weak, it was all he could do. He needed to eat and then sleep. Everyone smiled back and could see something was up with the kid that they just left it at that. Plus, they could see worry in Brian’s eyes which was shocking.


“What do you want to eat then, Sunshine?” Brian asks quietly.


“How much is a burger and fries?” Justin asks quietly while trying to find it in the menu. Brian takes the menu from him and called over KiKi as Deb is working later tonight. He ordered a burger and chips with a coke for Justin.


“Don’t worry about it. Did you wanna come back to mine?” Brian asked while holding one of Justin’s hands gently under the table.


Justin just nodded and soon replied with “Yes please.”


They all ate their food in a not so comfortable silence and they were wondering what had just happened. Brian was worried and Justin was weak. The others kept their mouths shut as they didn’t want to stress Brian out. Something about this situation seemed serious.




End Notes:

Please tell me what you guys think of this chapter, and what you think will happen next!

Chapter 5: Honesty. Sometimes it hurts. by ZoeyQaF
Author's Notes:

The truth needs to come out one way or another...


 Justin had just finished off most of his fries and had taken one bite from his burger. Before it had been brought out he was famished, but as soon as he had started to eat it hurt his face and he just didn’t have the energy to finish it. Brian had noticed this but didn’t push him or make him eat. He was starting to get really worried about Justin. He had noticed when he came in that his face seemed different and he had a heavy looking gym bag with him. He had so many questions and was hoping to get some answers later that night.

 “Hey, Brian. Can I talk to you quickly in private?” Michael asked as he nudged his best friends shoulder.

 “Uh, sure Mikey.” Brian answered and then turned to Justin. “Do you mind if I just go and speak to Michael quickly?” Brian asked quietly. Normally he wouldn’t even bother asking as it wasn’t anyone else’s business, but he didn’t really want to leave Justin on his own.

 “Yeah, of course.” Justin answered in just above a whisper. He didn’t want Brian to go for even a second but he didn’t have the right to control what he did. And he respected Michael for helping the other night.

 Brian gave him a quick peck on the lips when they had slid out from the booth “I won’t be long, okay?” Brian said, not caring what anyone thought and went towards the back of the diner, near the kitchen to see what Mikey wanted.

 Justin sat back down and kept his eyes on his plate. He went to rub his hands but then felt the bandages and so started itching his legs.

 “What’s up Mikey?” Brian asked while keeping an eye on Justin, noticing him fidgeting.

 “What’s happened to Justin?” Michael asked as he took a quick a look at Justin as well.

 “So, you’ve noticed as well?” Brian asked, feeling even more worried than before.

 “How could I not Brian, look at him. His face looks different somehow, but I can’t pinpoint exactly what. And, what are with those bandages?” Michael asks Brian, but then, he saw pure worry on his best friend’s face. He had only ever seen a slight glimpse of that look when Brian had to go back to his own home after staying round his with his Ma, and even then, he would try to cover it up. But this… this was pure worry and almost showed too easily how much Brian cared for Justin. Maybe even loved? That’s when Michael knew Brian was finally letting himself feel and he couldn’t have been any prouder of him. And he made a silent promise to Brian then and there that he will always be by his side whenever Brian needed him.

 “You know what Brian, I’ll grab Justin some lemon bars, and you go and take him to the Jeep and take him home with you. I’ll be out in 2 mins.” Michael rubs Brian’s arm for comfort.

 Brian just nods at him and kisses him before he moves away to get the lemon bars.

 Justin notices Brian’s return so stops itching his legs and goes to slide into the booth so Brian can sit down again.

 “You ready to go Justin?” Brian looks down at Justin.

 “Where?” Justin suddenly feels a rush of panic as he thinks Brian and Michael might try to take him back to his parents’ house again…not that he’d be welcome obviously.

 “To the loft?” Brian answers in confusion. Where else would they go?

 “Oh, yeah. Sure” Justin replied and grabbed his gym bag out from under the table, wincing in pain as it hits his side.

 The wince doesn’t go unnoticed by Brian, so he grabs the bag and then takes Justin’s hand in his. Although it’s hard to grasp because of the bandage.

 “Bye baby, get better.” Emmett calls out as they start towards the door.



“Here, Justin. Have some Lemon bars. On the house.” Michael hands the small container to Justin.

 Justin reaches out for the offering from Michael with a small smile. “Thanks”

 Brian gives a small nod to Michael and then they’re out the door and walking towards the Jeep.


 Whilst in the car ride home, Justin is looking out the window and keeping quiet. Although Brian is trying to talk to him, he just feels completely out of it. Thinking about what has just happened to him and how his life is going to change from this day on. It actually made him feel quite queasy.

 Brian tried to make small talk, which is something he has never done before, but he wanted Justin to talk to him. After a couple of tries though he decided he would just wait until they were back at the loft.


 Brian had unlocked the door and just slid it open when suddenly Justin walked past, shoved his gym bag down on the floor and almost ran to the bathroom. Brian was in shock that he didn’t move for a couple of seconds until he realised something was wrong.

 “Justin?” Brian walked towards the bathroom, but the door was shut and locked. He was about to walk away and just wait for Justin to come out when suddenly he heard Justin throw up.

 “Justin? What’s going on?” Brian tried the door again but nothing.

 “Do you need anything?” He hated being this worried about someone and not being able to do anything about it.

 “I..I’m fine. It must have been the food at the Diner.” Justin lied. He felt sick to his stomach from what his life was turning into.

 Brian didn’t respond. He knew that was probably a lie as although he jokes about the food at the diner not being the best, he’s never heard of it to make someone sick before. He decided to walk into the kitchen to get Justin some water and wait for him to come out of the bathroom.


 Justin was sitting by the toilet with his head close by incase he needed to throw up again. He felt the worst he had ever felt, and he just wanted nothing more than to make time rewind to the time before he went home.

 He couldn’t stop himself from crying at what his life had become. Why him? He did nothing wrong…right?

 After several minutes went by, he finally felt better. He got up, flushed the toilet and threw some water over his face to freshen up. But once he faced himself in the mirror, he had realised that messed up the light makeup he had put on to cover the bruises. The closer he looked into the mirror, the more he could tell his eye was puffing up. SHIT! He grabbed the small amount of makeup, that luckily, he had put in his jean pocket, and touched up his face. It wasn’t great, but it was better. He caught his breath and went to shake his body to get ready to face Brian again, but realised he was still in too much pain to even do that.

 He took one more big breath and then opened the door.


 It had been almost 10 minutes since Justin had gone into the bathroom. Brian hated feeling like this. So worried about what was going on with Justin. He was pacing about near the sofas when he noticed Justin’s gym bag lying on the floor by the door. He remembered that earlier on in the night he thought it must have been overnight stuff Justin was going to take to Daphne’s or even for the loft, but just then he realised it was awfully big for just a night stay of clothes or toiletries. He decides to walk over to it and pick it up to see if there might be anything Justin could change into. “Fucking hell, what the fuck is in this thing?” Brian muttered to himself as he struggled lifting it. He took it up to the bedroom and placed it on the bed, he was just about to open it when he heard the bathroom door unlock.

 “What are you doing with my bag?” Justin asks Brian with worry in his voice.

 “I just noticed it was still on the floor by the front door, so I brought it in here for you. Was just gonna get you some sweats to change into. It’s fucking heavy by the way… You okay?” Brian asked after a pause.

 “Yeah. A lot better now. Never been sick from the diner food before…ha..” Justin tried making a small joke to make the situation less awkward.

 “Are you sure it was the food? I’ve never seen anyone get sick from the food there.” Brian sat down on the bed and just stared at Justin. Something was not right, and he wanted to know what. He also noticed his face still looked different, almost patchy and puffy. Maybe allergies? He remembered him going on about being allergic to basically everything. So maybe it was something in the food… no. It was probably from throwing up that made him look patchy and puffy.

 "Well there’s always a first for everything. And that burger didn’t taste right anways so it must be that.” Justin said in almost self-defense.

 “Okay, just making sure. I got you some water.” Brian said as he walked towards the kitchen where he left the water bottle on the kitchen side.

 “Thanks.” Justin replied. He then moved towards his bag on the bed and quickly rummaged through it to get his sweat pants and a t-shift for tonight and then zipped the bag up and placed it at the end of the bed before Brian came back, which was difficult seeing as his hands were still bandaged up.

 However, that didn’t go unnoticed by Brian. “Here” Brian handed the water to Justin.

 “Thanks.” Justin reached for the water but jumped when Brian took ahold of his hand and wouldn’t let go. “Ouch, what are you doing?”

 “What the fuck happened?”  Brian looked down at Justin’s bandaged hands. “You told me you weren’t going to do this anymore. And this is the worst they’ve been!” Brian was angry. But not at Justin… He was angry that Justin still felt the need to do this to himself in order to deal with things.

 “My anxiety got bad and I just got carried away and I didn’t realise. I’m sorry.” Justin lied. He looked down at his hands and felt tears in his eyes. He wanted to tell Brian so badly about what had happened, but he wasn’t going to bring all this shit onto him. They had just gotten over a huge fight and Brian allowed him to stay in his life. If he found out what had just happened, maybe he would feel responsible to house Justin and it would stress him out and he didn’t want that for Brian.

 “What caused your anxiety though? Something bad must have happened for you to do it this badly.” Brian walked Justin over to the kitchen, and to the sink. Justin knew what was coming and he hated it. Brian was about to undo the bandages and see how badly his hands were going to look and there were probably going to be more questions. Fuck.

 “Nothing really, sometimes it just comes.” He lied again.

 Brian looks at him and he knows Justin is lying. But he doesn’t understand why. He takes Justin’s left hand first and starts to unravel the bandage. With each layer going the colour red gets deeper and deeper. His hands are red raw and still very bloody. Brian actually has to look away for a minute to keep himself together. How could he do this to himself?

Justin notices the look on Brian’s face as he looks away and how difficult it is for him to see his hands like this. Fuck.

 “You don’t have to do this Bri…” Justin says as he goes to take his hand away, but Brian stops him.

 “No, I don’t have to… but I want to, and I’m going to.” Brian looks at Justin before cleaning his hand and then bandaging it up again. He repeats the same process with Justin’s right hand thankfully isn’t as bad.

 Brian leans in slowly and kisses Justin gently. “Now tell me. Why?” He goes to pull Justin in by the waist but sees Justin dodge his touch and move away.

 “I told you why. Now I’m going to bed.” Justin snaps and walks towards the bedroom. Brian follows him. He was getting annoyed at why Justin was being this way, acting like nothing was wrong when there obviously was. That’s when he decided to take a different approach, and act like nothing was wrong, to see if Justin would still go along with it or finally tell him. He wasn’t giving up on his boy, not yet.

 He sees Justin pick up his comfy clothes and goes to walk into the bathroom.

 “You taking a shower? I’ll join.” Brian smirks at him to see if he’ll get a reaction.

 “No, I’m not. I’m going to clean my teeth and change and then go to sleep.”

 Brian walks towards him before he makes it to the bathroom. “Why? We can take a nice long, hot shower and then maybe have a nice long, hot fuck before bed. Hmm?” Brian sticks his tongue in his cheek and goes to grab Justin again.

 But, Justin dodges his touch again and walks away from Brian which means away from the bathroom as he’s blocking it. “No, Brian. I’m tired and I just want to go to sleep.” Justin starts to get irritated. He knew Brian would probably want to fuck or something, but he couldn’t with all the bruises he had and the pain he was in.

 “Fine. But why have clothes? You’ve slept naked so far, why stop now? If we’re not going to fuck, at least let me see your ass.” Brian tried to joke and flirt to ease it.

 “Because I’m cold Brian. Okay? I don’t want to sleep naked tonight and you’ve seen it plenty of times, so you can go one night without it!” Justin’s voice started to get louder.

 “What’s got your fucking panties in a twist tonight sunshine?” Brian almost shouted back.

 Justin walked towards the side of the bed he slept on, which was the opposite side from the bathroom and just started to pace around.

 “I’m tired Brian okay! We can fuck another time!” Justin shouted back.

 “No! Something happened to you tonight and you won’t tell me why, which means I can’t help you and that fucking means it won’t get sorted! So, tell me what the fuck is wrong with you!” Brian was losing his patience. He walked towards where Justin was, but Justin walked around him to try and get to the bathroom.

 “Just leave it Brian.” Justin said quietly.

 Brian went around to block his way to the bathroom.

 Brian faced Justin, stopping the boy from getting any further. He stared at him waiting for the boy to say something, but yet again…nothing. He threw his hands up out of frustration and groaned out of anger. However, as he did this, Justin dropped his clothes and covered his face in defense. The way Brian flew his hands up reminded him of what happened back at his house. He stepped back which caused him to trip over his gym bag and threw his balance off and he fell to the ground quite hardly. He screamed out in pain as all the bruising on this body was still so tender and his ribs were in pretty bad shape.

 “JUSTIN!” Brian rushed over and kneeled beside Justin.

 Justin was crying out in pain and Brian didn’t know why. He noticed Justin holding his stomach and went to pull up his top. But Justin stopped him.

 “Stop fighting me Justin, I’m trying to help you. What the hell happened? Why did you do that? Did you think I was going to hit you?” Brian asked all the questions at once, freaking out about what was happening.

 “Just stop Brian” Justin cried out again. He felt to weak and defeated.

 “No!” Brian replied gently and fought Justin, so he could lift his top. He was finally able to move Justin’s arms out of the way and what he saw next was just too much.

 Bruises, cuts, scratches. Everywhere on his beautiful boy’s body. What had happened to him? Brian ran into the bathroom and threw up from the impact of what he had realised.

 He was leaning over the toilet, trying to get himself back together. He was livid. Who could have done this to Justin? He decided to get up get himself together. He flushed the toilet, washed his mouth out and splashed his face with water. As he turned to walk out of the bathroom, Justin was just walking in. He could see how much pain his boy was in and it hurt himself in so many ways.

 “Brian, I…” Justin went to say but got stopped by Brian, who just shook his head and reached out slowly for Justin to come towards him.

Brian kissed Justin softly and then started to strip him slowly. Justin let it happen this time because he knew Brian needed some control back.

 Once Brian had stripped Justin completely he stripped himself. He walked over to the shower and turned it on to a manageable heat for Justin’s extremely sensitive skin. He walked Justin into the shower and flinched when he heard Justin’s hiss of pain from the water. He went to turn it down but Justin stopped him, he was just getting used to the contact of the water onto his body. He stood in front of Justin and kissed him again. He then pulled away and just looked at him, and then his body. He kneeled and kissed almost every bruise lightly. There were so many. He stood back up and noticed the makeup Justin had been wearing was washing away and saw the bruise on his eye and the slightly smaller one on the bridge of his noise, and then the one by his lip. He had to look away again. He couldn’t stop the tears from coming, but hoped it would just look like the shower spray.

 Justin pulled Brian’s face towards him and kissed him back. He wiped away the tears from Brian’s eyes and they just held each other. Both shaking from sobbing and the pain they both felt. Physically and mentally.

 Once they had washed slowly and softly, Brian helped Justin into bed and got in beside him. He let Justin cuddle up into his side.

 “It was your dad wasn’t it?” Brian asked softly, after several minutes of silence.

 “Yes” Justin answered quietly.



Chapter 6: Starting Fresh… isn’t always easy by ZoeyQaF
Author's Notes:

Oh Brian... such a sweetheart you are...


Brian got out of bed at around 7am the next morning. He had found that he had hardly slept at all that night. He still couldn’t fathom what had happened to Justin. He looked back at Justin, fast asleep in bed. He was happy that the boy was getting some rest. 

Brian walked into the bathroom to relieve himself, and then decided he needed some coffee. He changed into some sweats and walked down and into the kitchen. While waiting for the coffee to brew, he found himself thinking about last night. It still made him feel queasy, but more than that, he was angry. Livid. Fuming. How on earth could Justin’s father do that?! He knew fathers were a waste of time, his own being a prime example. However, he was never beaten up that badly. 

Brian had realised it was Justin’s father who had done it because he remembered Justin going home to Study. How it came about, he still doesn’t know. But there will never be a good enough reason for ever beating up your own son. 

He started to think of ways he could take down Craig Taylor and show him how it feels to be beaten repeatedly...

He was pulled out of his thoughts when the coffee machine made a noise, indicating it was ready. He poured himself a cup and doused it with sugar. He realised that Justin would probably want to eat something when he wakes up. Especially as he hadn’t eaten much from last night and seeing as he threw up would also mean his stomach would be empty. 

He opened the fridge to find half a bottle of guava juice, the lemon bars from Michael last night and poppers. “Shit” he muttered to himself. He was going to have to go out and get some breakfast. He sipped at his coffee whilst walking over to the bedroom. He walked over to Justin’s side of the bed. He placed his coffee on the bedside table and softly kissed the boy’s forehead. He went to walk around to his wardrobe to pick out some clothes, but then almost tripped on Justin’s gym bag. 

He had remembered how heavy it was. He bent down and unzipped it slowly. Once he had seen the amount of clothes and shoes that were in this bag, plus the kid’s school uniform, the realisation had hit. Justin had been kicked out of his home.

He looked back up to Justin, who was still fast asleep. He must be terrified. Not knowing where to go, where “home” was.

Brian had thought about everything that had happened, and realised Justin hadn’t come to him. Hadn’t told him from the very start and hadn’t asked for help. That kinda hurt. He decided he would talk to Justin later that day. After thinking about what to do, he silently unpacked Justin’s bag and placed his clothes where there was space in his closet and his drawers. He then changed into a wife beater and jeans and grabbed his keys.

He was just about to open the door when he heard Justin call for him.

“Brian” Justin called out for him. “Brian!?” He sounded more panicked. 

“Hey” Brian said softly, walking quickly back to Justin who was still in bed. “Hey, I’m here.” He smiled softly at Justin. 

Justin took a huge breath; relieved Brian was still there. “Hey” Justin said with an embarrassed smile. 

Brian sat on Justin’s side of the bed and leaned in for a slow kiss. As he pulled away, he whispered over Justin’s lips “I’m here” and then nudged their noses together. He had no idea where that came from, but it made Justin smile, so he was okay with it. 

Justin smiled up at Brian, he still couldn’t believe he had this beautiful man in his life. “Where were you going?” He asked as he stretched out. 

As Justin stretched out, all Brian could see were bruises. That didn’t go unnoticed by Justin. He lightly grabbed Brian’s chin, so their eyes could meet. “Brian?” Justin asked, trying to get his full attention. 

“Huh? Oh, sorry. What did you say?” Brian tried to hide the look on his face, not wanting Justin to see how affected he was by this situation. 

Justin was going to go on about Brian not needing to worry about him, but the more he thought about it, the more he realised that Brian must really care about him. To be this affected by it. 

“I just asked where you were going before I woke up properly” Justin stroked the side of Brian’s face to ease the situation. 

“Oh, I was going to get you some breakfast as I have pretty much nothing in the fridge.” Brian said with a small smile. 

Justin leaned in to kiss him. He couldn’t get enough of how sweet he was being this morning. “Well, thank you.” He kissed him again. “But next time, could you please wake me up to let me know?” Justin smiled but then suddenly looked down to the sheets, feeling embarrassed as he had realised he had insinuated that there would be a ‘next time’. 

Now it was Brian’s turn to lift Justin’s chin with his hand, he hadn’t missed the insinuation, but it didn’t bother him. And he thought Justin was cute when he was embarrassed. “Yes, I will wake you next time. I’m sorry I didn’t this morning. You just seemed so peaceful in your sleep, and you need to rest.” Brian was cautious about bringing up yesterday. He just wanted Justin to get better. “Are you still in pain?” He asked as he looked over Justin’s body and at the bruises. 

“A little bit.” Justin replied. “Better than yesterday but my ribs still hurt a lot.” He placed his hands over his ribs and winced. 

“Your ribs?!” Brian looked Justin in the eyes with worry and then suddenly shot up from the bed and walked to his phone. He was quick to dial his private doctor’s office, now pacing by the sofa, waiting to see if he could book the next free slot. 

Justin had gotten out of bed and into some sweats that were at the end of the bed. He walked over to Brian slowly and in pain.

“Brian, what are you doing?” He rubbed his hands over the taller man’s shoulders.

“Hi Andrew, it’s Brian. Have you got any space today?” Brian waited for a response. “Ah that’s great! Thanks, see you soon.” Brian hung up and looked at Justin.

“Get dressed, we’ll get something to eat and then we’re going to my doctor, so you can get an x-ray. You need to make sure there is no major damage.” Brian replied with worry in his eyes.

“But I hate the hospital, my anxiety gets really bad.” Now Justin was the one with the worried look. 

“He’s a private doctor, so it’s not scary. He has a nice office and the x-ray won’t hurt you, I promise. But you need to get checked before you could possibly do anymore damage to yourself.” Brian stroked Justin’s face for comfort. He knew it would be difficult for Justin, but he needed to get checked. 

“Will you stay with me?” His voice broke as his anxiety started to rise. 

“I will be there with you every step of the way.” He wasn’t going to explain the whole x-ray thing now, he just knew he had to get Justin there. 

“Okay” Justin replies after a deep breath. 

Brian gives him a smile and leans in for a slow, meaningful kiss. 

“Good boy” he adds a smirk, “Now let’s go get you changed into something more appropriate and then get something to eat.” Brian encourages Justin towards the bedroom. 

Justin starts to take off his sweats but then stops at the sharp pain. “Ah..mpf” he takes a breath and holds his left rib from the pain he’s feeling. The pain almost hurts more when he sucks in a breath. 

“Fucking motherfucker…” Brian mumbled to himself. He could kill Craig Taylor right now. “Come here Sunshine, let me help you okay?” Brian reaches out his hand for Justin. 

Justin walks towards Brian who is now sitting on the bed facing the wardrobe. He stands in front of Brian, waiting to see how Brian is going to help. 

Brian reaches for Justin’s sweats and pulls them down gently by the waistband, he lowers them until they are by Justin’s ankles. “Okay, step out of them now” Brian says gently. 

Justin uses Brian’s shoulders for support as he steps out of his sweats. He looks down at Brian, wondering why he was so lucky to have this man in his life. They had gone through so much and although Brian wasn’t the type of guy to verbally declare his love, Justin could see in his actions how much Brian truly loved and cared for him. And he knew he was madly, deeply in love with Brian. He couldn’t stop the smile from coming and giggled without being able to stop it. 

“What?” there was a pause, “What are you giggling at?” Brian frowned up at Justin. 

“Nothing” he giggles in response. He then leans down slowly to kiss Brian. 

“No, tell me” Brian asked, determined to find out what Justin was thinking about. 

“It’s just... you.” He looked down at Brian, waiting for a response. 

“Huh? What do you mean me?” Brian found himself holding onto Justin’s hips and rubbing his fingers lightly over the skin there. 

Justin took that time to straddle Brian, but slowly because he hurt, and places his arms on his shoulders, hands around Brian’s neck. 

“You know… how you care for me. How you make sure I’m okay. How you… love me” Justin said the last part almost sounding more like a question, apprehensive of how Brian would react. 

Brian found himself holding lightly on Justin’s naked body that now straddled himself. Processing what the blond had just said. He couldn’t stop the small smile curving his lips as he realised what Justin had said was indeed true. No matter how scared he was and that he didn’t know how relationships worked, he had basically been having one with Justin for some time now and he did care for him. A lot. So, his answer was to lean in and kiss the boy in his arms, as deeply as he could. Telling Justin that he agreed with him. 

“You’ve got me. And I’ve got you…but,” He said under his breath as he pulled away from the kiss. 

Justin held his breath, waiting for Brian to finish his sentence. 

“Saying that to each other, is our thing. It’s private. It’s between us. And only us.” Brian stated firmly. 

Justin was quiet and still in Brian’s arms. What Brian said was sweet, but he didn’t want to have to hide what he shared with this beautiful man. He felt like Brian wanted to hide it or something… Everything was going so well until this conversation. Just as he opened his mouth to reply, Brian cut him off. 

“So, I guess to everyone else, you’ll just have to tell them something boring, like I’m your boyfriend or something huh?” Brian looked at Justin seriously, until he couldn’t help it and gave a hint of a smile. 

Justin beamed the greatest sunshine smile at him again and hugged the man he loved with all his heart. Brian had repeated the same words that they had spoken on the night they made up from their fight. How they had each other and… loved each other. 

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes until Justin’s stomach decided to rumble. 

That made Brian laugh. “Looks like we need to get you dressed and then fed.” 

“I guess so” Justin kissed him once more before getting off of Brian’s lap slowly. 

Brian finished helping Justin get changed, they grabbed their jackets and headed out the door. Once in the Jeep, Brian automatically headed for the Diner, but realised he didn’t really want to be around the gang, having questions barked at him every 10 seconds. So, he decided to head to a café nearby instead. 

Once settled in at the café, in the table at the back corner, away from everybody (thank god) Brian ordered 2 waters and 2 orange juices for him and Justin. 

“So, what you feeling? Fry up, sandwich…” Brian asked as he skimmed through the menu. 

“The.. Do they have a kids section?” Justin asked while also skimming the menu. 

Brian looked at him dubiously. 

“Why on earth are you looking for the kids section? They probably have their own menu fo… wait Justin, why are you looking for the fucking kids menu?!” Brian asked as Justin put down the menu given to him and scanning around the place to see if he could spot them. 

“This place seems pretty expensive, I need to find something a bit cheaper. I haven’t got a lot of money and I need to start saving if I want to get a place. $6.35 just for a panini on its own is something I can not afford right not Brian.” Justin almost lost his breath after the rant style he was going with that. 

Brian takes Justin’s hand in his. “Justin, I will pay for your breakfast, your lunch and your dinner. I don’t give a fuck what the price it, as long as you are satisfied and feed the monster that’s growing inside your stomach.” Brian chuckled a bit and before he let Justin finished he just shook his head and pointed at the menu. “What do you want?” He kissed Justin’s fingers on the hand he was holding and waited for an answer. 

Justin took that chance to argue his pride… 

“I don’t need a sugar daddy Brian. I can pay for my own things, I just have to be sensible.” Justin almost defended himself. 

“I’m not offering to be your sugar daddy” Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek. “I’m just your sexy boyfriend, wanting to buy you breakfast” Brian sighed dramatically.

That got a giggle out of Justin. “Well thank you, my sexy boyfriend. I accept” He ended that with a kiss to Brian’s lips and a smile.

“Good. Now we have about 1 hour and 20 minutes before we go to see Andrew, I’ll go order our food, you wanted the panini, right?” Brian smirks at Justin’s shy smile and nod “and then we’ll make our way there. He’s about a 45-minute drive with the traffic today. Okay?”

“Yeah” came the hesitant answer.

Brian leaned across and kissed him. “You’ll be fine baby” He said as he pulled away, he was about to move to go and order but then just realised what he had called Justin.

Justin was looking at him with a cute smile on his face, but Brian could also see he was trying not to laugh.

“You say anything…” Brian started in on self-defense mode, scared his dick was about to turn into a vagina.

“Your secret’s safe with me…baby” Justin added a wink and then giggled. 

“You’re so fucking lucky you’re adorable…oh god! Who or should I say what, am I turning into?!” Brian moaned and mumbled as he walked away to order their food.

Justin smiled to himself, happy and content in that moment. Brian was his boyfriend and cared for him. He wanted to forget about the fact he was technically homeless. He was lucky that Brian was letting him stay for a couple nights at his loft. He needed to find a job, and get some more money in. He needed to go back to school soon as well. Fuck! Suddenly his happiness was overcome with fear that his life was falling apart.

But then, in that moment, all he had to do was look up to see his amazingly beautiful, generous and god damn sexy boyfriend ordering their breakfast and then looking back with a smile and wink, and all his worries were gone for that morning.



End Notes:

Sorry this took me soooo long to update. But I hope you guys enyjoy!

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