Title: Just Kiss Me… 
Story Type: Could be Canon
Word Count: 325
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance …
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Chapter Summary: Brian’s consumed with fear, as he searches for Justin…

Soot-Covered Kisses…

A special news bulletin breaks into the NPR news broadcast, announcing an explosion at the gay nightclub ‘Babylon.’ That grabs my attention, as I instruct my driver to turn around. I try to keep my panic in check, as we creep through the endless traffic. Once we round the corner, and come to a screeching halt, I completely lose it. Up ahead, beyond the yellow tape are ambulances and cop cars haphazardly parked everywhere.

I argue with the police officer to let me past the barricade. I’m just about ready to punch him when Carl waves me through. My eyes shoot everywhere, looking for him. They finally land on Jennifer as she begs me to find Justin. I enter the smoke-filled hovel calling his name, as I listen to all the moans and cries echoing around me. Death and destruction surround me. Panic once again rises within me as my heart beats uncontrollably.

Bile rises up the back of my throat, as I watch the firemen cover and carry out another victim. I have to stop them. I have to know that it’s not him. The deeper I walk into the club, the more apparent the destruction is around me. I hold my shirttail over my mouth to breathe more easily. Then I see him, his blond head now covered in soot. I pull him into my arms holding him tight, so thankful he’s alive, that he’s alright.

Nothing else matters but him. He’s all that’s ever mattered to me; he’s my everything. I’m not sure who’s more surprised when as hear my voice crack, and those three little words escaping my lips.

“I love you!”

I pull back, looking him directly in the eyes. “I love you!”

His ash-covered face slowly smiles as I whisper, “I was so fucking scared. I thought, please God don’t let anything happen to him.”

I hold him tightly, never wanting to let go.

TBC...

Title: Just Kiss Me…
Story Type: Could Be Canon
Word Count: 275
Warnings: Angst, Love, Passion…
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Chapter Summary: Brian struggles to make Justin see that he’s changed, that he wants the same things as him…

Cum-Covered Kisses…

Our haze-filled reunion had me professing my love for him, but once the smoked cleared my little twat was skeptical of my motives. He was sure it was just a momentary reaction, one brought on by my fears. One that would pass as quickly as it had arrived. He refused my proposal of marriage, he didn’t even want to start our relationship again. He said he needed his space, but he’d always be my friend. He wanted stability. Someone who would always put his needs first, and someone who would always be there for him.

He wanted something, real, something permanent. Something that would last a lifetime, and he didn’t think that was me. Oh, he admitted he still loved me, and he even thanked me for finally admitting my true feelings for him. I tried to convince him that I’d changed, that I wanted those same things. I was ready to make us work, but I’d broken his heart too many times before, and I was no longer a risk he was willing to take.

But I’ve never shied away from something that I want, and he would be no different. This would be the campaign of a lifetime, one I was determined to win.  So one long drive in the country, and a lot of groveling, followed by promises of forever, and a country manor had him weighing his options.

Many tender kisses later, with the warmth of the fireplace on our backs, and the sheen of perspiration glowing in the darkness, he gave me the answer I so longed for.

We were finally home, finally on the same page.

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…
Story Type: AU
Warnings: Angst, Love, Passion…
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Chapter Summary: After announcing their wedding plans, and dealing with the aftermath, they finally follow their hearts…

Champagne-Covered Kisses…

We announced our engagement during dinner at Deb’s. She and mom were over the moon, saying they knew it was just a matter of time. Emmett was enthusiastically squealing and clapping. Ben congratulated us, wishing us the best of luck. Mel and Lindsay were in shock. Mel was actually speechless, while Lindsay was sure we were making a mistake.  Ted was happy and supportive, these days he’s more of a best friend to Brian than Michael ever was. Then there was Michael, who was angry and fuming, twisting his face into a scowl.

The tension around the table was thick and uncomfortable. So we departed before dinner was served, leaving them all to fester in our wake. The next few weeks were a whirlwind. Emmett helped us with our wedding plans, while Michael assured Brian he was making the biggest mistake of his life.

Lindsay cornered both of us, pitching a different reason why we should call the wedding off, finally showing us some article on my exhibit at Sydney Bloom gallery. I flat out told her ‘Brian was my chance of a lifetime,’ but she got more traction with Brian, making him question our future.

Brian would never stand in the way of my fame and fortune. So we talked, and argued, finally canceling our wedding at our rehearsal dinner. We spent the next week sad and depressed. We were both pretty much lost, neither one saying what we really felt, or what we really wanted.

The announcement came to board the plane, and we both took our seats, settling in for our long flight. Not to New York, but to Hawaii, where gay marriage is legal.

After two weeks of basking in the sun as husband and husband, we returned and announced our marriage, stunning everyone, leaving them speechless.

And we lived happily ever after…

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…
Story Type: AU
Warnings: Romance, Love, Passion…
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Chapter Summary: Brian and Justin are determined to not be manipulated anymore…

Not So Sugar-Coated Kisses…

At first everyone’s speechless, stunned into silence, then all hell breaks loose. They’re all talking at once, or should I say shouting. Brian and I just stand there as they freak out. Sure we knew they’d be surprised, but we figured they’d accept it, congratulate us and move on. But that wasn’t going to happen, except for Ted, Ben and Emmett.

“Stop!”

“Did any of you ask us for our permission before you got married?”

Mel sniped, “We don’t need your approval to marry the person we love!”

“Exactly! And neither do we…”

“But Brian! He doesn’t know you the way I do!”

“You’re right, Mikey, and you don’t know me the way Justin does!”

Justin couldn’t help saying, “And you never will!”

“But Brian! What about New York, and Justin’s career?”

“I’m pretty sure New York is still three hundred and seventy miles away. Right where it’s always been!”

“Lindsay! I can paint anywhere, and I’d rather paint at Britin in my new studio.”

“Where?”

“Britin! Our mansion in West Virginia. Brian bought it for me as my wedding present.”

“You bought him a fucking mansion?”

“Yes, Mikey! An investment in our future.”

Lindsay and Michael are fumbling for a response, trying to make to make sense of what they’ve just learned.

“I’d hoped that you’d be happy for us.”

“Let it go, Sunshine. This really isn’t about us. It’s about their petty jealousy, and their need to manipulate our relationship.”

~~~

Brian hovers above Justin, running his hand through his sun-bleached hair, as he brushes his lips against Justin’s.

“All better now?”

“Lying here in your arms always makes everything better.”

“Promise me you’ll never give them our new address. I like knowing they can’t find us.”

“I promise.”

“I love you, Mr. Taylor-Kinney.”

You mean Kinney-Taylor.”

“Brian. You know you always like being the one behind me.”

“Brat!”

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…
Story Type: AU
Warnings: Romance, Love, Passion…
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Brian and Justin enjoy their private mornings together…

Chapter Five ~ Raindrop Kisses…

Sometimes in the morning I just lie awake watching him sleep, loving the way his bedhead hair is splayed across the pillow, slightly covering his eyes. Yes, our priorities have changed. I’ve changed. I’m not consumed by the hunt for my next thrill, he’s already lying next to me. We still have our morning ritual of mutual blowjobs, and phenomenal shower sex, but these days morning is our special time. I love waking up to him holding me close.

Although sometimes he’s the first to rise. Yesterday he surprised me by going out in the rain to get me the Wall Street Journal, just because he knows how much I love reading the newspaper in bed.  Then a very wet and horny Justin woke me with raindrop kisses, and soon our bodies were slipping and sliding together, as the first rays of sunlight cast rainbows across the bedroom.

There are advantages to living in the country. Like no Michael pounding on the loft door, barging in on us, demanding I have breakfast with him.

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…
Story Type: AU
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Michael digs his own grave with his jealous rant over Brian and Justin’s marriage…

Neon Kisses…

I’ve been avoiding Michael ever since our big announcement at Deb’s. I’ve ignored his phone calls, and I’ve had Ted and Cynthia run interference. So I guess it’s time to stop hiding and face him, which I thought we already did at dinner that night.

I show up at the diner after work one night. He practically jumps out of the booth to greet me, but it’s not a warm welcome. I try to stare him down, warning him to not say a word. But as usual Michael’s a little slow.

“Brian! Where have you been? Why haven’t you returned my calls? Have you really been in so many meetings you couldn’t see me in your office?”

“Michael!”

He just keeps going, and it feels like I’m being scolded like a petulant child. But he’s the one being childish.

“So is this how it’s going to be from now on? You’d rather spend time with him than your best friend? You’re just throwing away twenty years of friendship for some blond boy ass!”

“Hey! That blond boy ass is my husband! Show him some respect!”

“Respect! For what? Manipulating you into a heterosexual union that’s bound to fail?”

“Wow Mikey! You actually remember that old and tired mantra that no longer applies.”

“Bullshit! You’ll snap out of it sooner or later. Then you’ll realize that I’m right, and you’ll be stuck in a loveless marriage to someone you’ll grow to hate, and who will rob you blind in a divorce!”

“Wow! I had no idea your hatred for Justin ran so deep!”

“I’m just trying to protect you. It’s not too late. You can get a quickie divorce, and barely have to pay him anything. But you have to act fast, or he’ll end up taking you for everything you own!”

I’ve had it! I just put my hand up to quash his tirade, as Justin comes through the door. I turn him around, leading him out of the diner and into the night.  We stand in the darkness as I kiss him passionately, illuminated only by the neon lights from Woody’s. Seeing his blond hair glowing, I’m overwhelmed by the thought of him under our own neon lights at the loft.

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…
Story Type: AU
Warnings: Romance, Love, Passion, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Brian and Justin indulge in a little exhibitionism, proving marriage doesn’t have to be boring…

Leather Kisses…

I’ve been busy at work this last month, and the truth is I’ve been avoiding the guys lately. Ever since Michael’s tirade at the diner, I just have no desire to spend time with him. He called non-stop for the first week afterwards and then I guess he figured out that he went too far this time. Not that I’m willing to let it go, but I to refuse to let him alter my activities.

It’s been a while since Justin and I have been out on the town. So I take him out for a fancy dinner at the Skyline for our three-month wedding anniversary. Then we hit Babylon for a night of dancing and romancing. We stop by the loft to change into our new buttery soft leather pants, after all it is the Leather Ball tonight.

I see Ted up on the catwalk, and head his way to get the lowdown on the numbers for the night. Emmett and Michael are leaning against the railing, looking down at the show. Michael can’t help sniping that he knew I couldn’t stay away, especially with all the hot guys decked out in leather.

“It’s nice to have a night out without the old ball and chain for once.”

“Good for you, Michael.”

“I meant you, asshole! Although Ben’s at home grading term papers.”

Justin greets the boys, handing me a glass of Beam. We click our glasses together, and down the amber liquid, enjoying the slight burn as it tickles our throats. We hit the dance floor as the next performance is set up on the stage. I can’t help admiring his perfect bubble butt as I follow behind him.

Once we’re out on the dance floor we melt in each other’s arms, swaying to the music, turning heads, as we grind against one another. It isn’t long before I feel myself harden and my leather pants are tight enough to reveal my circumcision. He leads me to the backroom, where we draw a crowd of onlookers as I thrust my hips into my blond bombshell. He cries out my name as he climaxes, trembling in my arms as he rides out his pleasure.

Yep, married life is never boring with my little nymph.

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…
Story Type: AU
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Michael cries on Debbie’s shoulder, sending her to scold Brian for treating him badly…

Kiss Off!

“Brian, Mrs. Novotny is here to see you.”

“Deb, what a surprise.”

“Cut the bullshit, Brian. I want to know why you’re treating Michael like this.”

“This?”

“He’s really upset. He’s all mopey and crying all the time. It’s starting to affect his relationship with Ben.”

“So you expect me to fix Michael’s problems?”

“You’re damn right I do! I don’t know what happened, but it’s time to make up and apologize.”

“Make up and apologize! You’re damn right you don’t know what happened!”

“I’m not the one who should be apologizing. Did he even tell you what he said? Why must you always assume I’m the one who’s responsible?”

“Oh? And just what did Michael do that was so bad, that you’ve frozen him out of your life.”

“He opened his big mouth and spewed nasty comments about my husband. It’s not my fault that he acts childish and refuses to grow up!”

“He just needs time to accept all these changes. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by what he said.”

“You need to take your blinders off! Michael’s not the doe-eyed, innocent little boy you think he is, he never has been. Besides he’s thirty-five years old! Isn’t it time Mommy stopped bandaging his wounds?”

“After everything we’ve done for you! This is how you repay us?”

“I appreciate that you were there for me when my father beat the shit out of me. I really am. But how long must I be indebted to you? And does that really excuse Michael’s behavior?”

“Brian, he’s always had feelings for you, and seeing you married is hard for him to accept.” 

“As I recall, he’s also married! And if all of his juvenile pining is creating friction between him and Ben, that’s not my fault!”

“Brian, can’t you see he’s hurting?”

“Can’t you see your coddling him is reinforcing his behavior? It’s allowing him to remain a child instead of growing up and becoming a man, and accepting responsibilities for his actions.”

“Well, I never! How can you say that?”

“I love you, Deb. But open your eyes, for Christ sake.”

“So you’re not going to apologize?”

“No apologies! No regrets! Remember!”

“You really are an asshole!”

“And this is a surprise to you?”

“You’ll regret this someday! You’ll need him and he won’t be there! Don’t turn your back on him, he’s your best friend.”

“No, Justin is…”

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…
Story Type: AU
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael… Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Justin finds Brian home early from work, slightly drunk, and feeling emotional…

Whiskey Kisses…

Justin spent the morning with his mom helping her plan Molly’s birthday party. Then he headed to Kinnetik to see if Brian wanted to have lunch together. Ted tells him he that Brian left the office shortly after Deb’s visit.

Entering the house he wonders what he’ll find. Brian’s just staring out the window, with a drink in his hand and a half empty bottle of Beam next to him.

“Hey, I didn’t expect you home so early.”

Silence…

Of course that was a lie…

Justin hates that just a short conversation with Deb can make him feel insecure and unworthy. He runs his hands down Brian’s back, and leans his head on his shoulder, holding him from behind.

“Looks like spring might come early this year.”

Brian nods, seeing that the daffodils are poking up out of the soil. Justin planted two hundred bulbs under the old maple tree out front, just before the snow fell. That may sound like a lot of flowers, but their yard is huge, so it won’t really look like that many when they’re in bloom. His mind wanders to the bright yellow flowers and it reminds him of Justin’s hair, bleached out and glowing in the Hawaiian sunset.

Justin takes his hand and leads him over to the sofa, where Brian lies down with his head in Justin’s lap, his hand carding through his hair. There was a time when Brian would feel melancholy like this, and he’d head straight to the baths. But he’s finally figured out that what he really needs is to be held and to feel loved. Justin knows Brian will tell him once he’s ready, and until then he’ll just be there for him, letting him know that he loves him.

Brian shakes his head slightly. “For years they told me to grow, that I was too old to continue to party like a teenager.”

He shifts, sitting next to Justin so he can look into his eyes. “Then when I do, they don’t like that I’m not the same asshole I used to be.”

“It doesn’t matter what they think.”

“Why can’t Michael just accept me for who I am?”

 “You can’t let Michael try to control how you feel.”

“It’s like he wants me to always be Brian Fucking Kinney, whore of Liberty Avenue.”

“I think he just feels threatened. Things aren’t the way he always wished they’d be.”

“They never will be! Why can’t he accept that I love you? That you’re my husband!”

“Michael’s always lived in a fantasy world, and he’s always expected you to be his superhero.”

“I’m not Rage! I never was!”

“I know, but he’s never been able to see the real you. He only sees what he wants to.”

“But you did. You saw the real me right from the beginning. You called me on all my bullshit every time. Instead of running away, you ran head-on, straight into me, challenging me.”

“I knew the moment I saw you under the streetlamp, that you were the one I was meant to share my life with.”

“You always were a smart little fucker!”

“I know it’s not easy having Michael try to manipulate you, and Deb chastise you. But part of growing up is standing up for yourself, and not backing down. I’m so proud of you, and we’ll get through this together.”

“I know… but I feel like I’m losing the only friends and family I’ve ever had.”

“Nonsense! You have me. I’ll always be here for you. You know that, right?”

“If Michael and Deb can’t accept who you’ve become, then maybe it’s time to give them some space. Either they’ll come around, or they won’t. But don’t let them push you into being someone that no longer exists.”

“I’m so lucky you found me, and that you love me. You’ve helped me grow into the man you always saw in me.”

“I love you too, and I always will…

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…
Story Type: AU
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Before meeting Em for lunch Justin and Deb have it out in the diner…

Chapter Ten ~ Plum Sauce Kisses…

“Oh, well look who’s here?”

“Morning, Deb!”

“Don’t Morning, Deb me! Why haven’t I seen you or your husband in the last month? He always has coffee here with the boys before breakfast, but I haven’t seen him since I stopped by to see him at Kinnetik.”

“We live out in the country, Deb. It’s a long drive into town, and the traffic’s a bitch in the morning.”

“Well… He hasn’t been in for lunch either, and Michael’s really starting to freak out. Even if they are angry with each other, Michael always knew he’d see Brian here.”

“I don’t know, Deb. You need to ask him, not me.”

“Michael comes and sits in their booth for hours, reading comics, hoping Brian will show up.”

“Maybe Brian’s waiting for an apology?”

“An apology? From Michael? He’s not the one who started this whole thing.”

“By starting this whole thing, you mean marrying me?”

“I mean by freezing Michael out of his life!”

“Maybe he’s had enough of the Woe is me, Brian hurt my feelings? Besides, who wants to spend time with someone who’s resentful, angry and bitter at the world because he’s not the center of Brian’s life?”

“How dare you! Maybe it would be better if you stopped coming in here too!”

“As you wish!”

Justin spots Emmett outside so he heads out. They can have lunch at the Chinese Palace down the block. Michael sees the two of them walk across the street and wonders why they aren’t having lunch at the diner.

“I just saw Justin leaving. Did he say anything about Brian? Did Brian ask about me and how I’m doing? Does Brian miss me?”

Deb reflects on Justin’s words, and as much as she hated hearing it, she knows there’s a ring of truth in them. But she also knows that Michael isn’t strong enough to hear it right now.

“Oh, he just stopped in for a lemon bar. You know how much he loves them.

Justin hates feeling stressed and fighting with Deb, she really pushed his buttons today. So he ends up ordering Pot Stickers, Moo Shu Pork, and Spicy Szechuan Chicken.

“Are you ordering lunch for Brian, too?”

“It’s this thing with Deb and Michael. I hate the way they’re acting.”

“I totally understand. But it’s not worth gaining twenty pounds over, although knowing your metabolism it will probably all go to your bubble butt.”

“I guess you’re right. I’ll take the leftovers to Brian for lunch.”

“You know you’re not the only one who’s struggling with the Michael issue. He’s been pestering Ted every day at work, trying to get in to see Brian. Apparently Ben’s had enough, because he told Michael if it doesn’t stop, he thinks they need to take a break for a while.”

“Wow! I didn’t know things were going so poorly for them.”

“Oh, it’s even worse than that. Michael has been so depressed, that some days he doesn’t even open the shop. If he doesn’t make a profit soon, Teddy told him he’ll have to close the shop, or he’ll have to declare bankruptcy.”

“Oh shit!”

“That’s the reason he’s so desperate to see Brian, not to apologize, but to ask for a handout.”

“That’s not going to happen. Brian gave him $5000 last fall, but told him that was it. If he couldn’t keep the store afloat, then he’d have to sell it.”

“Teddy says, with the internet there’s not enough customers. He’s never made much money as it is, and Brian’s always helped pay his bills. Teddy advised Brian that he couldn’t afford to throw his money away on a failed business.”

“God! That’s just what Brian needs, more stress.”

“Oh my, look at the time. I have to go, I’m meeting a client. So, I’ll order Molly’s birthday cake for Saturday. Are you sure she’s too old for a Princess party?”

“Em, she’s thirteen, and her favorite color is black. My mom is starting to freak out. Apparently I was an angel compared to Molly.”

“You still are, so go spread your wings and comfort your bad-ass husband.”

And so he does help cheer up his husband, alternating bites of Chinese food with deep passionate kisses. Soon the takeout is forgotten and Justin becomes his afternoon delight.

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…

Story Type: AU

Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Lindsay stops by Brian’s office for a little chat, but the conversation doesn’t go as she expected…

Chapter Eleven ~ No Good Bye Kiss?

“How much this time?”

“Brian, do you think that’s the only reason I visit you at work? After all we have a son together.”

“Lindsay! I haven’t seen you since Justin and I announced we got married in Hawaii.”

“About that, Brian. Michael’s very upset with all the changes you’re going through. He feels left out, and lonely. He’s missing you, and your friendship.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed!”

“Brian, this is very hard for him to accept, it’s like he’s lost.”

“I’m not the center of his universe! He has a husband, or he used to anyways. Is Ben still in the picture?”

“He’s in Los Angeles, interviewing for a professorship at UCLA.”

“Good for him!”

“No! It’s not! I mean it’s not good for Michael. If Ben gets offered this position he’ll be moving to California.”

“California sounds better than Pennsylvania. Surfing verses snow shoveling. Yep, sounds better to me.”

“But Michael doesn’t want to move across the country. He did that with David and he was so homesick, it ruined his relationship.”

“Oh, come on! I don’t think that’s what ruined his relationship with David, and you know it.”

“Speaking of moving, Mel and I are thinking about moving to Toronto.”

“No!”

“What do you mean no?”

“No, I won’t allow you to take my son and move to another country, and no, I won’t bankroll your endeavor. So basically, no!”

“But Brian…”

“Lindsay, why do you want to move to Toronto?”

“We want to feel safe.”

“How about I buy you a security system for the house?”

“Brian!”

“Have you even thought this through? Do you have jobs lined up? Where are you planning to live? You know the real estate market is down, so you won’t make much profit on your house. And I assume that you don’t have any savings, because you’re always asking me for money.”

“Well…”

“That’s what I thought.”

“But Brian, someone bombed Babylon.”

“Yes, and someone bashed Justin in the head. Bad things happen to good people, and they happen everywhere. Moving isn’t the solution.”

Silence…

Brian stands ready to escort her to the door.

“Well, now that I’m working fulltime, and Gus is in daycare all day long, it’s more expensive. So yes, you’re right, I do need a little help with that.”

“What about JR? Is Michael paying for her daycare?”

“Brian, you know he isn’t. He can’t afford to pay child support.”

“When you two decided to have another child, did you even consider how expensive it would be, and figure out a new budget? Or did you just decide to get pregnant and assume that I’d foot the bill?”

“Brian, you said you’d always help out with Gus’s expenses.”

“You know, if you had decided to choose me to be JR’s father it would be different.”

“You know I wanted you to be JR’s father, but Mel was totally against it.”

“Tell me. Why is it that Michael gets to keep his parental rights, and pay nothing towards her care and I don’t have my parental rights, and pay everything for Gus’s care, as well as JR? I’m pretty sure I’m also supporting you and Mel, or at least your house’s upkeep.”

“Brian, we appreciate everything you’ve done for us, we really do.”

“Yet you still have your hand out, asking for more. Seriously, if you did move to Canada would you be self-sufficient?”

“It was just a thought, but I can see now that it’s a foolish idea. So let’s forget about it.”

“Okay, but about the parental rights thing. I want my rights restored, and I want a visitation schedule. He’s old enough now to be spending time with me on a regular basis.”

“I don’t think Mel will agree to anything like that.”

“Why not? She has no problem taking my money.”

“Brian…”

“I know Justin wants to spend more time with Gus, so why doesn’t he pick him up from daycare and spend the afternoons with him. That should cut his daycare expenses in half, problem solved and you don’t need to ask me for any more money now.”

“I don’t know… I didn’t expect this conversation to turn out like this…”

“Talk it over with your husband. It will be more expensive if we get the courts involved.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“I want to be treated the same way, and have the same rights and obligations as Michael.”

“Brian, this is so unexpected. Maybe you should think this through.”

“Justin and I have talked this over and we want to be equal parents to Gus.”

“But you’re not Gus’s parents! You signed your rights away!”

“Go home, Lindsay. Make a budget, a visitation schedule, and start making a plan for supporting yourself.”

“Michael’s right, you really have changed!”

“Yeah! I’ve grown up, just like you’ve been telling me to do!”

Lindsay stands and tries to hug Brian good bye, but he steps out of her way.

“What? No good bye kiss?”

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…

Story Type: AU

Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Brian and Lindsay’s conversation reverberates through both couples’ lives…

Chapter Twelve ~ Heated Kisses…

Brian pours himself a drink, as he paces back and forth in front of the windows.

“Think of it this way. It’s a good thing it’s all out in the open. Now she knows what you want, and what you expect from her.”

Brian can’t help smirking, remembering when Justin said something similar to him one evening in his office. He comes over and stands behind Justin, wrapping his arms around him, holding him close. Soon he’s placing soft kisses on the back of his neck, working his way around to his mouth.

Justin’s already panting, as his mind gets hazy and his erection grows.

“Brian…”

Brian turns him around embracing him tightly, kissing him passionately. He lies him down on the dining room table, laying on top of him. Justin is becoming overheated, and needing to feel Brian’s flesh against his own. Brian’s hands travel all over his body, unbuttoning his shirt, and unzipping his pants, all the while their lips never parting. Brian breaks the kiss as he pulls Justin’s shirt over his head, and his pants over his hips. He makes quick work of his suit, letting it fall to wrinkle on the hardwood floor.

“You’re such a horny boy.”

“Hurry!”

“Impatient little boy, too.”

“I need you!”

Brian’s lube-coated fingers breach his rosebud, circling around and eliciting moans, as he anticipates what’s to come. Lifting Justin’s legs around his waist, he glides deep into his ravine, nudging his prostate. Cries of pleasure escape his throat as he tosses his head and arches his back. Instead of teasing his sweet boy with long slow strokes, he thrusts deep and fast, realizing that’s what Justin wants. Plunging deeper, faster, pushing harder, soon they’re both coming with abandon as Justin coats his belly, and Brian shoots deep inside his twink.

“That was fucking amazing!”

Justin grunts, unable to form words as waves of pleasure wash over his body, radiating to his fingertips and toes.

Brian gazes down at his blond, loving the way he lets his orgasm consume him.

“God, you’re so beautiful.”

Justin blushes, as he stares back at Brian, seeing the intensity of amber and green hues in his eyes. He knows he’ll mix those exact colors, painting Brian’s emotions, capturing them for eternity. Everyone who looks at it will see an abstract mix of colors across the canvas, but for him he’ll be taken back to this moment in time.

But that’s just the artist in Justin. Brian’s not so overcome with emotion because it’s his stomach that’s calling him.

“So. What’s for dinner?”

Still lost in the moment, Justin finally says, “What?”

“Supper? What’s the plan? I’m starving.”

Slowly sitting up, his cum-covered stomach growls at the thought of food. Brian soon has a warm towel, washing away the evidence of their appetizer.

“I’ve got pork chops and veggies ready to roast in the oven. I figured I’d sauté some apples until they’re soft but chunky, but don’t worry, I already have a big salad made as well.”

“Sounds good. I need to call my lawyer while you fix dinner.”

~~~

The next evening…

“Linds, can you get the door? I’m going over my closing argument for tomorrow morning.”

“Melanie Marcus?”

“No. Mel, it’s for you.”

Mel comes to the door and signs the delivery slip. Afterwards the law clerk hands her a document, saying, ‘You’ve been served.”

Slightly shocked, she reads the subpoena.

“That fucking bastard!”

“What is it, Mel?”

“Brian’s hired an attorney.”

“He’s suing us?”

“Not exactly. He’s requesting a mediation hearing.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means we have to meet with him and his lawyer to try and resolve Gus’s parental rights issue, or we go to court.”

“I can’t believe he’s doing this! Brian would never do something like this on his own. This is Justin’s interference. After all, he never wanted Brian to relinquish his parental rights to begin with.”

Melanie’s pacing the hallway. “This is just like him to do this. Just like he encouraged Michael to do the same thing last year.”

“Oh Mel, this is bad. Do you think he’ll win like Michael did?”

Melanie’s so angry, but she also knows the law, and this could be trouble. Brian has been supporting Gus all along, starting with paying the hospital bills for his birth. Her mind whirls, trying to come up with a defense that could block his attempt at restoring his parental rights. But there’s no way she can say he hasn’t provided for him. They need to hire an attorney themselves, as she’s not up on all the changes in the laws since gay marriage was legalized. But she also knows in the back of her mind that they’re screwed.

~~~

That night at Britin…

“You seem happy tonight.”

“Mel should be served the arbitration papers soon. She’s going to throw a hissy fit when she receives them. I expect Lindsay will call to talk to me in her sickeningly sweet condescending tone.”

“We could ways turn our phones off, and deal with it in the morning. After all Ted’s the only one who knows where we live these days.”

“God. You are evil, aren’t you?”

“I learned from the master.”

There a chill in the spring air as the rain beats down outside.

“Come here…”

Brian motions towards the rug in front of the fireplace. Justin’s eyes glaze over as he struts towards his husband with a little role reversal in mind. Soon he has pinned Brian to the floor, letting his passion take over. He runs heated kisses down Brian’s chest to his groin, indulging in a little foreplay before the big event.

“Roll over…”

TBC…

Title: Jump-Run-Skip-Kiss…

Story Type: AU

Word Count: 1241

Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Brian has a picnic lunch with his boys…

Chapter Thirteen ~ Jump-Run-Skip-Kiss…

It was a bright and sunny afternoon, the air still crisp outside, but on the verge of springtime. Today is the first day Justin is picking Gus up from daycare, and we’re all meeting at Liberty Park for a picnic. I’m running late, my presentation for ‘Steelcraft Tools’ ran a little long. The CEO isn’t sure that a garage full of bare-chested mechanics, flexing their muscles is the right image for them. I think they’re complete idiots, and I can’t help wondering why in hell they even approached Kinnetik for their advertising needs. What a waste of time.

I hurry out of the office and Michael sneaks up behind me, making me jump ten feet in the air. I continue walking towards my car as I address him.

“Christ, Michael! Were you hiding in the bushes in wait?”

“Well, kind of…”

“Why?”

“I need to talk with you, and you’re never available. Didn’t Ted or Cynthia give you my messages?”

“Yes. They did.”

“Then why haven’t you called me back?”

“Because I have nothing to say to you.”

“Brian. Please wait. Don’t be this way.”

I stop walking, thinking maybe he’s here to apologize. I should at least let him try and explain why he’s been such an asshole. Standing there I just look at him, waiting for him to speak.

“Brian. I know you’re still angry with me, but I really need your help.”

I’m still waiting, staring at him…

“The shop is really struggling right now, and I can’t afford to pay my utilities and rent.”

“Has the store even been able to cover its expenses?”

Ignoring Brian’s question he continues. “I was hoping you could help me out?”

“Here’s my advice. Sell the shop.”

“Brian. I can’t. What would I do for a living?”

“Get a job where you actually bring home a paycheck.”

“Can’t you help me out? I know you can afford it. This is Justin’s influence, isn’t it? He’s turned you against me.”

“Michael! This has nothing to do with Justin. I told you last fall that was going to be the last transfusion of cash from me. I wasn’t going to continue breathing life into your failing business.”

“Brian. Please…”

“Don’t beg. It’s pathetic.”

“Brian.”

“Michael! I’m late. I have to run.”

“Can you meet me at Woody’s after work? Then we can talk about this some more?”

“No! I’ve said everything I have to say.”

“Brian! Don’t go!”

God, I hate it when he begs. I hate that he ambushed me, and I hate that he won’t stop asking for a handout. Is that all anyone wants from me? I’m just about to my car when he runs up to me again, but before he can say anything I ask him.

“What? Did you forget to apologize to me?”

“What? Why would I apologize to you? I was only telling you the truth, that’s what best friends do.”

I don’t even respond. I just start the engine and speed off towards the park, knowing Justin’s probably irritated with me. Fuck! I really hate that Michael makes me feel like I’m running away. I don’t run away from anyone. I really feel like punching something, but I refrain. That’s not who I am. That’s Jack, and I refuse to be anything like him.

I park the Vette, and sprint down the path towards the river, smiling when I see my boys feeding the ducks. I can hear them laughing in the distance, and it lightens my mood.

“Daddy! Daddy! You’re here!”

I scoop him up in my arms, hugging him tight while I lean over and kiss Justin’s cheek. He smiles his sunshine smile at me and all my stress melts away.

“Daddy, we’re having a picpic lunch!”

“Picnic, not picpic.”

“Oh? So what’s a picpic then?”

“It’s not anything.”

Gus takes my hand and walks me to the river bank.

“See, Daddy. There’s the mama duck, and her baby ducks.”

“Ducklings. They’re just newborns, still all fuzzy because their feathers haven’t grown in yet.”

“I love them, Daddy. Can we take them home? They can live in the pond?”

“No, Gus. They’re too young to leave their mother just yet.”

“Okay. So we’ll wait until they’re bigger. Then we can take them home.”

I decide to let it ride instead of saying no, hoping he’ll forget all about it. Knowing Justin, he’ll probably want ducks for the pond too. He has lunch all set up on the picnic table. It looks good, and I’m actually hungry.

“I stopped by the deli down the block. I didn’t want to get into with Deb again, since I had Gus in tow.”

“Give her a few more weeks. I’m sure she’ll calm down by then.”

“I hate all this tension in the family. It’s like we’re all taking sides. Ted and Em are with us, while Lindsay and Mel are siding with Michael and Deb.”

“Well, at least they’ve agreed to let you pick Gus up from daycare, and have him for the afternoons. That’s something.”

“Yeah. You’re right. By the way, when Lindsay called this morning, she mentioned the mediation meeting. They want to meet and talk it through at Mel’s office on Friday instead of meeting with our attorney next Tuesday.”

 “That’s fine. I’m just surprised they want to meet sooner. But who knows, maybe Mel has to be in court next week. The sooner we resolve all of this, the sooner we can stop walking on eggshells.”

“You know, I actually thought they’d give us a hard time. Maybe they’ve come to their senses.”

“Call me skeptical. I’m a little suspicious of their motives.”

“Brian. Try and think positive.”

Gus finishes his peanut butter and jelly, that’s now spread over his hands and face.  Justin cleans him up, then he runs off to play on the swings, while we finish our turkey sandwiches.

“So since we’re meeting the munchers on Friday, I think we should leave next Tuesday morning for New York. The conference starts on Wednesday night with a cocktail hour, followed by dinner. Emmett’s flying in with Teddy on Wednesday around noon, so you two can shop and sightsee while we’re at the conference over the next couple of days. And how about you buy a new suit for the Clio Awards dinner on Saturday night?”

“What’s wrong with my suit?”

“That’s just it. Suit as in singular. You need more than one suit in your closet.”

“Oh right. I forgot who I was talking to.”

“Daddy! Come push me!”

Justin packs up their lunch, while Brian pushes Gus on the swings. He’s swinging really high, squealing all the while. Justin comes over and watches them once he has everything ready to go. Slowly the swing comes to a stop, and they start to walk back towards the street.

“Come on, Daddy! Let’s skip!”

“Skip?”

“Yeah! It will be fun!”

“Gus… I ah…”

“Don’t worry, Daddy. I’ll teach you how to skip. It’s easy!”

“Yeah, Daddy! It will be fun!”

Brian turns and glares at Justin. But he loves his son, so he’ll do whatever Gus wants if it makes him happy. Looking around, he hopes no one sees him holding hands and skipping through the park. Once they’re back at Brian’s car, he leans down and kisses Gus on the forehead, and then he pulls Justin into his arms and kisses him passionately.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

“Later.”

“Yeah! Later, Daddy!”

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…

Story Type: AU

Word Count: 2665

Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: With a few unexpected twists and turns, Brian and Justin negotiate a custody agreement with the girls…

Chapter Fourteen ~ Bittersweet Kisses…

Justin and I are on our way to Mel’s law office. I’m hoping things go smoothly, but I suspect I’m being too optimistic. We’re escorted to the conference room and offered coffee while we wait for Mel and Lindsay. I know we’re a little early, but that’s just my nature. I hate when people are late. There’s a slight commotion in the hall when our attorney, Diane Lockhart arrives. It seems she’s quite the celebrity in the legal world. She’s supposed to be one of the best trial lawyers who represent gay parents, almost always getting them fair settlements.

She’s polite, yet firm when dealing with her opponents, who are often ex-spouses of gays who have recently come out.  While we’re waiting, we go over the papers I signed for Mel several years ago, relinquishing my parental rights. Then she reviews my financial records that show my payments for Gus’s support, starting with his birth at Allegheny General Hospital. I’m once again thankful that Ted was insistent that I open a separate account to make payments to the girls.

His neurotic obsession with accuracy and details is paying off, and he’s worth his weight in gold. We have a detailed register showing each expense, along with a receipt when possible.  I know it used to irritate the hell out of Mel that I asked her to type up a receipt for the little stuff, and provide copies of the childcare agreement and his health insurance policy. Ted is also her accountant, so she understood when I’d roll my eyes and said, “You know Ted.”

We’ve now been waiting for Mel for forty-five minutes, and I have a feeling it’s her way of flexing her power, and having control over the meeting. Just like moving it from Lockhart Gardner’s office to hers, she didn’t fool me for a minute when she suggested we meet here.

Many of Mel’s colleagues keep finding reasons to stop by the conference room, fawning all over Diane. It’s like she’s a movie or rock star, and I can only hope she performs like one for us. After several cups of coffee I step out to use the restroom, and run into Mel on my way back.

“Hello, Brian, I’m glad you could make it.”

“Melanie.”

“Good, it’s just you. I’m glad you decided we could talk this out, without involving our attorneys. This really this doesn’t involve Justin, so I’m glad he didn’t join you. Let’s step into my office. I had planned on using the conference room but it looks like it’s still in use.”`

“Mel, stop!”

“What’s wrong, Brian?”

“This isn’t going to be some little talk, like the one you had with Michael. Justin is here with me, he’s my husband and what concerns me, also concerns him. Now you’ve left us and our lawyer waiting for almost an hour.”

“What? Your attorney’s here? I thought Lindsay told Justin I wanted this meeting to be just between us, without your attorney.”

Mel looks like she just got punched in the stomach.

“Yes, he mentioned that. But seeing that you’re here in an office full of attorneys, as well as being one yourself, we thought it was prudent that we be represented during this meeting. And quite frankly, Ms. Lockhart insisted upon being part of the proceedings.”

“I just assumed that Justin would be at home taking care of Gus. After all, that was the agreement we settled on.”

“No need to worry. Jenifer’s watching Gus this afternoon. They’re going to the zoo, he’s very excited about it. But I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it tonight.”

“I’ll go get Lindsay. She’s waiting in my office.”

Smiling through his death glare, Brian turns and walks back to the conference room. Mel takes a few more minutes to compose herself, then she and Lindsay start down the hallway.

Mel’s paralegal stops her. “Did you hear? Diane Lockhart is here in the conference room. I hear she’s one hell of an opponent. I wonder who she’s meeting with. I wouldn’t want to be up against her.”

Mel’s now feeling a little green around the gills, and wishes she hadn’t moved the meeting. She wishes she had hired an attorney to represent her, she knows Diane’s out of her league. She could ask one of her partners to join them, but she really doesn’t want her private life exposed at work.

“Mel? Is everything alright? You said this was going to be a piece of cake, that you’d make sure Brian didn’t have a leg to stand on.”

“Lindsay, shut up, and don’t say a word.”

Mel and Lindsay enter the conference room, but instead of feeling powerful being on her own turf, Mel feels bewildered, and flustered upon seeing Diane. Introductions are made and they all have a seat at the table. Because Mel chose to delay this meeting as long as possible, Diane’s taken the power seat at the head of the table. Another stupid move on Mel’s part, she now feels like she’s just a pawn about to be played against herself.

Mel’s eyes fall upon the ledgers on the table, and her stomach sinks even further.

“What’s all this?”

“Oh, this is just Mr. Kinney’s payment ledgers from his accountant Ted Schmidt.”

“Please, call me Brian.”

“Alright.”

“Mr. Schmidt has been keeping a strict record of all of Gus’s expenses. Although briefly glancing it over, it seems that there are expenses that don’t really seem to be related to Gus’s care.”

Now it’s Lindsay who looks a little green. She’s asked for Brian’s help on more than one occasion, without mentioning it to Melanie.

“May I have a look at that?”

“By all means, although I plan on going over each and every expense in detail during the meeting.”

“I thought this was going to be a simple meeting, where we just talked about what’s best for Gus?”

“Shut up, Lindsay!”

Smiling curtly at her wife, Mel regrets sounding so agitated. The last thing she wants to portray to Ms. Lockhart is the stress in their relationship.

“This sure is a very detailed record.”

“Yes. Ted’s a very thorough accountant. He’s even categorized the expenses and summed them up on a financial statement.”

Mel flips to the summary pages, and her eyes practically pop out of her head. She’s stunned by the amount of money Brian’s provided over the years. She quickly closes the book, setting it back down on the table.

“What did you have in mind concerning custody? I’m sure we can come to an amicable agreement.”

“Fine. We’ll talk custody first, and then financial responsibilities.”

“What? What about Brian’s lifestyle? His promiscuity, his drug abuse, and his lack of responsibilities.”

Mel snaps loudly. “I said, shut up, Lindsay!”

“Ms. Peterson. Brian’s a married man. But just like you, before you had a commitment ceremony, you also had a variety of sex partners. Both men and women, if I understand correctly.”

Brian leans in and whispers something in her ear.

“Then there’s the affairs both you and Ms. Marcus have conducted during your relationship, after making a commitment to one another.”

“Brian! I can’t believe you’re bringing that up!”

“Lindsay! Please, stop talking.”

“It’s also my understanding that you’ve partaken in illegal drug use since the birth of your son.”

“Brian! How could you!”

Brian just glares at Lindsay. She often acts so high and mighty, but he doesn’t feel bad about pointing out how hypocritical she’s being.

“What does any of this have to do with Brian being an unfit parent?”

“Lindsay! Please!”

“What this proves is that he’s no more unfit than you are, my dear.”

“We’re willing to stipulate that Brian is a good father, and has nothing but Gus’s best interest at heart.”

“We are? Mel, why aren’t you objecting?”

“Lindsay, would you please just stop speaking!”

“I do have a question, Ms. Marcus. You and Lindsay had a commitment ceremony back when gay marriage was illegal. Do you plan on getting married, now that it’s legal?”

Both Mel and Lindsay look at each other, but don’t say a word.

“Am I correct in assuming that you’re unable to answer my question, because you’re in couples’ counseling? And you’re not sure if you’ll be staying together in the future?”

“Mel! How does she know about that?”

Glaring at everyone at this point, Mel simply turns to Lindsay. “She’s had us investigated.”

“I assume that you’ve been looking into our finances, bank balances, and our current debt load.”

“Yes, I have, and it’s not pretty.  With all the funds Mr. Kinney provides you, I don’t really understand how you can be in such a poor state financially.”

“You have no right questioning how we spend our money!”

“Lindsay. Sit down and shut up.”

“Oh, I have every right. You see it doesn’t seem that the money Mr. Kinney provides for his son is actually spent on his care.”

“Really, there’s no need to call me Mr. Kinney.”

“Yes, of course. I forgot.”

“You don’t understand. Gus isn’t our only child! It’s very expensive raising children these days.”

“No, he isn’t. But Mr. Kinney, I mean Brian, isn’t financially responsible for your daughter. Her father is.”

Brian leans in and whispers something in Diane’s ear, again.

“To move this meeting along, and make things a little easier, Brian’s willing to agree to only look forward, not backwards concerning his financial responsibilities. But if this becomes an issue, we will revisit the substantial contributions he’s made supporting your children and household.”

“That’s very generous. Thank you, Brian.”

“Mel, what’s going on? Does this mean Brian won’t be providing for us anymore?”

Mel doesn’t even say anything this time, she just stares at Lindsay.

“Ms. Peterson. What this means is that Brian will now be paying for all of Gus’s needs directly, not to you to spend as you see fit.”

“But… Why? We need…”

“Enough, Lindsay!”

“Now, let’s talk about custody. Brian wants his rights restored, especially considering he’s been supporting Gus all along. Since Brian and Justin are legally married, Justin is automatically considered Gus’s stepfather.”

“What? Is that true, Mel?”

“Yes. It’s the law.”

“Should the two of you marry legally, then Melanie would also be considered Gus’s stepmother. But until that time, she is no longer considered his mother. She was never really legally Gus’s mother, considering that Brian has provided for Gus’s welfare all along. He may have signed the papers you drew up, but he’s always been responsible for him financially. So his relinquishing his rights could easily be challenged in court.”

“Mel, what does that mean?”

“Not now, Lindsay.”

Brian’s mind flashes to that day so long ago, when he was made to feel insignificant and worthless. That he was fated to be a bad father, just like Jack, but it wasn’t true. Justin had shown him that it didn’t have to be that way, that he was already a good father. Justin always did believe in him, he saw something in Brian that no one else did. And he pointed out to Brian back then, that he loved Gus with all his heart.

“Now, to sharing custody. Brian and Justin would like Gus to spend every other weekend with them. As well as splitting his time during the week between your two households, they request Gus spend Wednesday and Thursday with them.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I like that idea.”

“Ssssh…”

“Since Justin is already watching Gus from noon until five, Monday through Friday, this would mean he would pick Gus up from school at noon on Wednesday, and you would pick Gus up at the loft at five on Friday night, with the exception of the weekends that Gus stays with Brian and Justin.”

“No! No way! That would mean that Gus is spending more time with them, than with us.”

“No. It’s approximately the same amount of time, with the exception of the weekday afternoons. But if you’d rather pay for Gus’s daycare for that time period, that’s up to you. Mr. Kinney, I mean Brian, is already paying for his daycare in the mornings, Monday through Friday.”

“Mel. This doesn’t seem right.”

“If you’ll please excuse us, Lindsay and I would like to talk this over in my office.”

“Of course.”

~~~

Back in Mel’s office…

“What’s going on, Mel? You said Brian would back down. You said his lawyer wasn’t going to be with him today, or Justin for that matter.”

“I should have known better. I should have asked him if he had an attorney when he requested a mediation meeting.”

“So what’s the big deal with his attorney?”

“Diane Lockhart is a very well-known attorney/activist for parental rights of gay parents. She isn’t the type of attorney to allow her clients to negotiate without her present. It was stupid of me to not realize we’d be investigated as part of the process.”

“So what does all this mean?”

“It means, that since Brian’s been involved in Gus’s life since the very beginning, he’s been paying for all his expenses, and has kept a detailed register. Basically, Brian has already proven his case.”

“But what about his request for custody?”

“It isn’t really out of line.”

“But Gus will be spending a lot of time with them.”

“I know. But we’re swamped in the evening with play time, dinner time, and bath time. Let’s face it, part of our problem is we don’t have enough time together with the kids, or just the two of us.”

“I don’t know… I mean, if Gus stays with them on Wednesday and Thursday, we don’t actually get him back until Friday night, and who’s to say that he’ll even go to daycare. Justin could pick him up on Wednesday morning and keep him at their house until Friday night. And if it’s their weekend to keep Gus, he could be staying with Brian and Justin from Wednesday until Sunday night or Monday morning!”

“Lindsay. Think about it. Do you really want Gus in daycare, when he could be at home with someone who loves him? Someone who will care for him better than some childcare worker?”

“He’ll get spoiled by all the attention.”

“You’re just jealous. I know you’d rather be at home with the kids instead of working.”

“Is it fair to JR that she has to be in daycare all day long, and Gus gets to have fun, playing with Justin?”

“Do you actually want Michael spending that kind of time with JR?”

“No! God no! But he wouldn’t want that either. Especially now that Ben’s almost out of the picture. I don’t think he’s comfortable being alone with her.”

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but maybe this will be a good thing. We’ll have more one-on-one time with JR, while Gus is with Brian and Justin.”

“Okay, maybe you’re right. But what about the money? Is Brian going to stop supporting Gus?”

“No. But because Gus will be spending half his time with Brian and Justin, it will be considered that Brian is already providing for half of Gus’s expenses. So no, he won’t be giving us a monthly check anymore. And when he pays for Gus’s health insurance or daycare, he’ll be paying those bills directly from now on.”

“But Mel, we use that money to pay our other expenses.”

“Yes, and I told you, we shouldn’t have been doing that. We’re just going to have to tighten our belts and pay off your credit cards. And for Christ sake, stop buying new clothes.”

“I’m really not happy about all these changes.”

“I know. But you’ll get used to it. I really think this could be a good thing in the long run. And if we’re honest, we both know that Brian has changed. He loves Gus, and it will be good for him to be spending time with his father, or should I say, fathers.”

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…

Story Type: AU

Word Count: 2468

Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Michael barges into the loft unexpectedly, and gets more than an eyeful…

Chapter Fifteen ~ Loving Kisses…

“Michael, I’m sorry things aren’t going your way, but I really have to go. I’m running late and I need to pick Gus up at the loft.”

“Brian is babysitting Gus?”

“Well… Not exactly, but he might be there… Gus spent the afternoon with Justin.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s our new arrangement.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, won’t it be hard on Gus after Justin leaves, and he’s gotten so attached to him?”

“Where’s Justin going?”

“I don’t know? New York? Although more likely into the arms of another man.”

“Michael, I may not have thought that Brian’s was ready for marriage, but he and Justin seem very happy together. I’m trying to be supportive. Besides if I continue acting the way you are, I might lose his friendship. That’s something you should consider. All your negativity is only driving Brian farther away from you.”

“I’m just being honest, he needs to hear the truth. I don’t want to see him brokenhearted again, with it finally ending in a bitter divorce.”

“Michael, you’re the only one who’s bitter. You have to let Brian live his own life. That’s what Mel keeps telling me anyways.”

“Now you’re on their side? You’ve turned against me, too?”

“This isn’t about sides. Now I really have to go. Goodbye, Michael.”

Michael is sitting at Woody’s drinking beer, trying to drown his sorrows. He never thought Lindsay would betray him like this. Why is everyone just giving up? If he doesn’t make Brian see how wrong Justin is for him, he might never get his chance. This isn’t how he planned his and Brian’s future.

~~~

Brian helps Gus into his jacket, it’s gotten chilly outside now that the sun is setting. He kisses both Gus and Lindsay goodbye. He’s happy their new arrangement seems to be working out for everyone. He pulls the heavy door shut, and locks it. Justin’s bending over picking up Gus’s toy, putting them into his new toy chest. Brian comes up behind him and leans over holding him tight, grinding his cock into him.

“Someone’s feeling frisky.”

“Let spend the night here. I don’t feel like driving all the way back to the house tonight.”

“Okay. That sounds good.”

“Why don’t you order pizza, and a big salad for me from Pastoli’s?”

“Yum… Anything else? Tiramisu?”

“You can have your dessert, and I’ll have mine. Although, I think I’ll have mine while we wait for the delivery.”

It isn’t long before they’re both naked and writhing, their skin glossed over, and their breathing labored.

“Yes! Oh God! Yes! Justin! Oh Fuck! Justin! Yes! Yes! That’s it! Yes! Right there!”

They’re so caught up in the moment, on such an erotic high as their bodies melt into one another and they explode. Justin collapses down onto Brian’s chest, still embedded deep within him. That’s when they hear Michael’s shrill pitched voice pierce the air.

“What the fuck is this!”

Justin snaps back up, glaring at Michael. Brian’s still pinned beneath him, satisfied and satiated.

He shouts. “Get! Out!”

“What the hell! Brian, what’s going on here?”

“We’re fucking! What does it look like were doing?”

“But… But you’re a top! Why would you ever do this?”

“What’s wrong with you? You think Justin and I are stuck in some boring sexual routine? That we don’t explore each and every possible position?”

“But, you’re the ultimate top!”

“Christ, Michael! I take it up the ass just like every other fag! I’m human, besides Justin’s damn close to being the ultimate top himself!”

“Enough! I said, Get! The! Fuck! Out!”

“No! I have to talk to Brian!”

Disgusted, Justin disengages and goes to take a shower. He’s pissed beyond belief. Michael better be gone by the time he returns.

“Michael! I can’t believe you just walked in on Justin and me! How did you get in? I locked the door!”

“I have a key.”

“I changed the lock.”

“I made a copy when I borrowed the jeep.”

“Give it to me!”

“No!”

“Michael! Give it to me!”

“I need it for emergencies.”

“Like tonight? This was uncalled for! You had no right breaking in here like this!”

“Brian, I really do have to talk to you.”

Fuming, Brian glares at him…

“Talk!”

“I thought about what you said. I even mentioned it to Todd.”

“Spit it out! Or get out!”

“Okay. Okay. He said he was interested in buying the store. So he came to the shop and we did an inventory. He offered me six thousand dollars.”

“Really?”

“Six thousand Dollars! That’s all!”

“It’s not that bad.”

“I told him I couldn’t let him have my Captain Astro comic that you bought for me. I needed to keep my X-Men, Incredible Hulk and Spiderman comics. Plus some of the action figures.”

“Mikey!”

“Then he told me that he’d only give me two thousand dollars! Two thousand dollars!”

“What did you expect? You held back anything of value.”

“I can’t part with them. I need them.”

“Christ! You’re not twelve anymore. It’s time to let them go! It’s time to grow up.”

“Absolutely not!”

“Then I suggest you call him back and accept his offer. No one else is going to buy all that scrap paper.”

“I just can’t.”

“Then don’t… But you’ll have to declare bankruptcy.”

“You’re not going to help me out?”

“No!

“Please, Brian!”

“I’ll rent you a moving van. But where are you going to store all that garbage?”

“I really hate you sometimes.”

“Okay? Are you through?”

“No. No, I haven’t told you about Ben yet.”

Irritated, Brian asks, “So, how’s Ben?”

“He’s in California.”

“Yes, I heard.”

“He was supposed to come home yesterday. But he called, he said he decided to stay for a few more days.”

“And…”

“Things aren’t going so well for us right now.”

“And…”

“He’s decided to accept a professorship at UCLA. He’s moving to L.A.”

“That sounds like a good opportunity for him.”

“I told him I wouldn’t go! I’m not moving away from everyone again.”

“Okay. That’s your choice.”

“No! No it’s not! He said… He said, he wasn’t asking me to move with him. He didn’t want me to move with him. He wants to take a break.”

“Maybe that’s what you both need.”

“No! I mean, I challenged him on it. I told him I knew he was leaving me. I knew he felt like it was over between us.”

“Is it? Is it over for you?”

“I don’t know. I need him. I can’t support myself without his salary.”

“That’s why you want to stay together?”

“He owes me!”

“What? Why?”

“He’s my husband. He’s supposed to support me.”

“You’re a grown man, Michael!”

“He said we’ll have to sell the house. He doesn’t think we’ll make a profit because we haven’t owned it very long.”

“The real estate market is down everywhere. So he’s probably right.”

“He said it will actually cost us money to put it on the market. Then there’s the real estate commission. He expects me to cover my half the of loss.”

“That sounds about right.”

“He’s totally screwing me over!”

“Michael. You need to call Todd. Let him buy the shop and all the inventory. If you’re lucky you might break even, and not have to get a loan to cover your losses.”

“Brian? You’re not going to give me the money? Even now knowing everything I’m going through?”

“You want me to loan you the money?”

“No! No, I want you to give me the money. I can’t afford to pay a loan back.”

“Really? You’re not even willing to try? You just expect me to once again bail your ass out of trouble?”

“It’s not like you can’t afford it. I was thinking maybe I could stay here at the loft? I’ll need a place to live.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because we need the loft.”

“For what? You bought Justin a mansion. Which by the way, I’ve never even seen.”

“We use the loft. Justin and Gus spend the afternoons here.”

“Doing what?”

“Eating lunch, painting, playing, and napping. We’re spending more time with Gus these days and we need a place in town as a home base.”

“Why do you have to watch Gus?”

“We don’t have to! We want to! He’s our son!”

“He’s your son, not Justin’s!”

“Get out, Michael! I don’t need your bullshit!”

They were so caught up in their discussion they didn’t realize how much time had passed. Justin has the pizza in the oven staying warm. The table is set, and Brian’s salad is ready and waiting for him. Justin’s sitting at the counter with his back to them, drinking a glass of wine. It’s actually his second glass of wine, as he reads the latest copy of Art Forum magazine. Justin doesn’t even look up as Michael stops, smelling the pizza, wishing they’d ask him to stay for dinner.

~~~

An hour later Emmett knocks on their door…

“Hey, Em, what’s up?”

“I had to get out of the house. Michael’s over there crying on Deb’s shoulder. His life is falling apart at the seams, and he doesn’t know what to do.”

“Yeah. We got our own version earlier tonight.”

“Yes, so I heard. But for once, surprisingly Deb actually took your side this time. She’s not buying into his theory that the world is conspiring against him.”

“He wants to move back into his old room, but Deb put her foot down.”

“He keeps asking why, and finally she was truthful with him.”

“Really? What’s the truth?”

“She doesn’t want to live with him either.”

 “I would have thought that she would want her baby close to home.”

“Too much drama.”

“And…”

“I guess she’s more interested in taking care of herself. She told Michael that the idea of him being down the hall listening to her and Carl go at it, gives her the creeps.”

“Eww! Yuck!”

“Plus she seems to have a double standard. It’s alright for me to have guys spend the night, but not Michael. I guess that thought also creeps her out.”

Brian burst out laughing. “Sorry, I can’t help it. The thought of Michael down the hall from Justin and I totally creeps me out too. I can imagine him listening to us, while he whacks off.”

“Brian! Christ! Now I have that image in my mind!”

“Sorry, Sunshine. I’ll make it up to you later.”

“You want a glass of wine, Em?”

“Sure, if you two are actually up for company.”

“Em, you know I wouldn’t have asked, if I didn’t want you to stay. Besides, you and Justin can gossip while I review my presentation for the morning. ‘Barely There Cosmetics’.”

“Oh, do you have any samples?”

He hands Emmett the bag of beauty products.

Justin finds Brian’s stash, and they smoke a joint while Emmett checks out the make-up.

“God, Em! You look really good in make-up.”

An hour later Brian’s shuts down his laptop, finished for the night.

“What are you girls giggling about in the bathroom?”

“Nothing. We’ll be out in a few minutes. Why don’t you fill our wine glasses?”

A few minutes later a very stoned Justin sashays into the living room, dressed in his sluttiest clothes, in full make-up.

“We’re ready to go to Babylon!”

Brian takes a good long look at his Sunshine, surprised by how erotic Justin looks to him.

“Damn, Justin!”

“Let me roll a joint. You two are way ahead of me.”

The king and two queens strut into Babylon like they own the place. Oh wait, they do own the place.

They stop at the bar and down a shot of Beam, then head to the dance floor. More than a few heads turn, mesmerized by the power couple. They always look hot together, but tonight even more so. They don’t even notice all the looks and grins they’re getting, already lost in each other. They sway and grind against one another, holding each other tight. A few songs later Brian has Justin pinned to the wall of the backroom. Justin has his head thrown back giggling, as Brian runs kisses around his neck, licking and nibbling along the way.

Just like on the dance floor everyone’s attention seems to be focused on them, as they put on a show. Justin’s completely limber in Brian’s arms, and Brian’s beginning to wonder if they snuck more than a joint from his stash box. Brian has his pants lowered just enough to release his firm member, while Justin has disrobed completely. His clothes are hanging on a hook next to them, and he’s already climbing Brian’s body with his legs circling his waist.

Brian’s surprised to find that his sexy twat is already lubed up and ready for action. In one long smooth motion, Brian glides into his husband, making him squeal with delight. Thrusting faster, Brian is starting to wish he had at least unbuttoned his shirt as he feels Justin’s cock rubbing fiercely against his chest. Several more deep thrusts and they both shoot. Brian holds Justin in place as his orgasm quakes through his body. In the heat of the moment Justin throws his head back, hitting the wall.

Concerned for his husband, Brian lowers his feet to the floor as a dazed Justin giggles some more with his arms wrapped around Brian’s neck. He kisses Brian’s moist chest, then licks a little lower until his tongue scoops up some of his juices and he shares them with Brian. Brian’s concerned about Justin’s head, but he just keeps grinning like a fool.

Whispering into Brian’s ear, he keeps saying, “You love me!”

“Yes, you little twat. I love you!”

“No. I can see it in your eyes.”

“And here I thought you felt it in your ass.”

“No, Brian. I remember. It was in your eyes.”

Brian pulls back slightly, carefully holding his very stoned husband upright, wondering what he’s talking about.

“It was there in your eyes that night. I can see it now, all the passion and love you felt for me. You loved me. You already loved me, way back then. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Brian’s stunned, and unsure if Justin is actually remembering. He can’t help wondering if it’s just the E, or if the bump on the head has released a memory forgotten long ago.

“I love you, Brian! I love you! I love you! I love you!”

“I love you too, Sunshine!”

He leans in and captures Justin’s lips in an intense kiss. Justin’s overcome with passion, as his smile beams in the darkness.

“Let’s get you dressed, and home so we can continue this some more…

They never notice Michael glaring at them from the shadows.

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…

Story Type: AU

Word Count: 2820

Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: After Justin bumps his head in the backroom of Babylon, long-forgotten memories are sparked…

Chapter Sixteen ~ Long Forgotten Kisses

Last night started out just like any other night, but then things got complicated. Mikey stopped by and indulged in a little voyeurism that twisted both his and Justin’s panties in a bunch. Justin stalked away, so pissed that if he still had that gun Cody gave him, I think he would have murdered Michael.  Mikey’s image of me threw him into a hissy fit, because I didn’t live up to his fantasy of who he thought I should be. Then he just wanted to play the ‘woe is me, life isn’t what he expected’ card. I had disappointed him again by not kowtowing to his demands. I guess I’ve finally had enough, and I’ve started pushing back, practically causing Michael a meltdown.

An hour later Emmett showed up, which was actually nice to have some comic relief. He and Justin got stoned and played Beauty Parlor Babies in the bathroom, which resulted in Justin taking my breath away, he looked so fucking hot. If Em hadn’t been there I probably would have thrown him on the floor and had my way with him. Then we all ended up at Babylon, where I tried to catch up with Em and Justin’s current state of mind, but alcohol was never going to get me there.

We started out on the dance floor, but soon found ourselves kissing passionately against the back wall of the backroom. Thankfully I pay the cleaning crew to hose down the walls after closing every night. I have standards, unlike the Sap…

Then, in the throes of passion Justin smacked his head against the wall, becoming dazed and extremely emotional, professing his love for me. Then he claimed he remembered that long-forgotten dance we shared, bringing back so many memories for both of us. I can’t help freaking out a little about it, while he seems ecstatic. So I take him home and make love to him, nice and slow until we’re both melting into one another.

Now I lie awake, watching him sleep, wondering what this morning will bring. I have a feeling today will test my strength, as we finally talk about the spring night so many years ago. I’m not an emotional man, but that night my emotions controlled me in ways I’ve never allowed to happen, before or after that. 

His eyes flutter open, and his smile grows. His face lights up like the sun warming my heart.

“Brian? You’re still here. It’s almost 10.00 am.”

“I decided not to go into the office today. Ted can handle anything that comes up.”

“Is everything alright? Do you feel sick?”

I smile at him. “Everything’s fine. I wanted us to spend the day together, that’s all.”

Truthfully I do feel a little sick, but I’ll do anything to help him, even if it scares the hell out of me. We need to face this together, like we should have done years ago. But I couldn’t, or wouldn’t have this conversation. So today we’ll confront our fears and confess our secrets, then tomorrow we’ll fly to New York with a clean slate. No longer needing to avoid our past, but ready to embrace our future.

“Do I smell something baking?”

“Cinnamon rolls. Those Pillsbury ones, the kind you love so much.”

“Really? Brian, that’s so, so unexpected.”

“I knew you’d be hungry and we don’t really have much food here. So I picked up a few things.”

“Umm. The coffee smells good too.”

“I’ll get you a cup. The rolls should be done in a few minutes.”

“You’re being awfully sweet. What’s going on?”

Is it possible that he really doesn’t remember? Either way, I want us to have a special day together. I want him to know I’m not going to avoid the hard conversations anymore. I want him to feel he can always talk to me about anything, to know I’ll always be here for him.

He reaches out and takes my arm. “Wait… Aren’t you forgetting something?”

I look at him, wondering what it is I’m forgetting. He lowers his eyes and mine follow. Yep, I seem to have forgotten something alright. The duvet is tented by his engorged penis, and there’s a wet spot growing before my eyes. I lean in and kiss him deeply, then I lift the blankets and climb underneath. He arches his back, moaning as I take him into my mouth. My tongue swishes around his crown, and across his slit as his hands start grasping fists full of my hair.

I run my lips down his shaft, then all the way back up and over his ridge, creating suction, and then a little pop as my lips slip off his dick. Then I capture him again, my tongue caressing his sensitive skin as I glide back down. Once again he arches his back and this time I slip my hand under his ample bottom. After coating my fingers with lube I slide my finger to his rosebud. Circling around, his opening flexes and welcomes the intrusion. Sucking his cock, and stroking his prostate, he’s soon rocking himself against me, and then he shoots his sweet cream down my throat. His hands are still tugging my hair as he holds my head in place, riding out his orgasm.

As I feel his body relax and return to earth, I lift the covers to see his glowing smile. Our eyes lock, and I can’t help being thankful that I finally came to my senses and married this amazing man. Just then the timer dings, and the demanding little shit nudges me out from under the blankets, wanting his sweet rolls in bed.

“Yes, Dear…”

I hear him chuckling, asking if he’s “queen for a day.”

“You’re a fucking queen every day!”

“I return with a tray in hand carrying a carafe of coffee, his cinnamon rolls and a tube of extra frosting.”

“You bought me extra frosting?”

“I didn’t want have to make a second trip down the block when you pouted about needing more…”

“You’re the best husband ever.”

I lean in and kiss him, secretly loving the taste of his icing-covered lips. I’d never be caught dead eating pastries, but I’ll lick his lips and let him feed me little bites of his, while complaining about the calories. The noises he’s making while eating his cinnamon rolls is comparable to those he makes when I’m eating him, and he looks like he might cum again.

He gazes into my eyes, reading them, and I know he’s ready to broach the subject.

“You have that look in your eyes again.”

“I do?”

“Yeah. I’ve seen it before. But now I remember the way you looked at me that night in the parking garage, and now I understand what it means.”

I blush a little, it’s so hard for me to talk about my feelings. But I’m not moving away, or changing the subject.

“Oh, you do, do you?”

He pushes me down on the bed, smothering me with kisses.

“You love me! You love me so much! You love me so much you marrrrried me!”

Remembering him saying something like that years ago, I can’t help grinning. He never forgets anything. I roll him over on his back, pinning him to the bed, kissing him fervently.  Things become heated, but I pull back, breaking the kiss. He looks confused, wondering why I stopped, but if we keep going we’ll never get to talking about the bashing. So our lovefest will have to wait until we need a break, because I’m sure this isn’t going to be an easy conversation.

“Brian? Is something wrong?”

“No. No, of course not. But I think four years is long enough for us to wait to talk about that night.”

“Oh… Then I think I need more coffee.”

“Me too.”

We get dressed in sweats and t-shirts then sit down on the sofa with our coffee.

“I’m not sure where to start?”

“Why don’t I start?”

“Alright.”

“It was the day after my birthday! God! What a nightmare that was, turning thirty. It still gives me the creeps, remembering laying in that coffin!”

“Anyways. I was sitting at home the next night. It was too early for Babylon and I was restless. I didn’t want to meet the guys for dinner or drinks. I was smoking a joint, and I kept remembering you asking me to go to your prom, and how disappointed you were when I said no. I hated when I’d see you looking so sad, and knowing it was always me who put that frown on your face.”

“The truth was I never went to my prom. I wasn’t out and brave like you in high school. There was no way I was taking some straight chick to the prom. The last thing I wanted was for some girl thinking I was interested in her. I already had enough guys pining for me on Liberty Avenue.”

“Cynthia had just picked up my new tux from the tailor that afternoon, so it was hanging on the door to my closet. My eyes keep glancing at it, and in my stoned state of mind I started thinking about what shirt and tie would look good with it. Soon I was primping in the mirror, and I started getting excited about surprising you.”

“So, it was just a last-minute decision?”

“Yeah. But I knew when I was getting dressed it was more than that. I needed you to know how much you meant to me. I had been in denial for so long, and again my mind flashes to the night I told you I was moving to New York. You looked like I just stabbed you in the gut, and of course, I crushed your heart once again by telling you that I wouldn’t even remember you.”

“Oh God! I remember. I totally freaked out! I didn’t think I could live without you. I was totally devastated!”

“I had decided that I’d ask you to come with me, but then the job fell through.”

“You were going to ask me to move to New York with you?”

“Yeah. Things were already starting to change for me, and I realized I needed you in my life.”

“But, you never said anything.”

“It scared the hell out of me, and I was confused. You have to understand these were all new feelings for me. I didn’t recognize what it was right away.” 

“I can’t believe I didn’t know it. You really loved me.”

“Yes. I loved you, you little twat.”

“So, standing in front of that mirror I decided to go your prom. I was ready to let you see the real me.”

“Wow, Brian!”

“And for that hour everything was perfect. You looked so beautiful, and your smile was beaming when you saw me. All my fears vanished, and I was ready to confess my love for you.”

“I remember that now. I remember seeing you walking towards me. You looked so handsome, and I couldn’t believe you were there, just for me. I was so proud that you were mine.”

“I took your hand and led you to the dance floor. The crowd parted like the Red Sea, as they all looked on, stunned, and in shock.”

“I remember we were the only ones on the dance floor. It was like everyone else just faded away until it was just us in the bright spotlight.”

“I admit I was pretty amazed myself. We floated across the dance floor, swaying and dipping, completely lost in each other.”

“I saw that look in your eyes then as we spun around. You held me so close, I could feel your breath on my neck.”

“It was the first time in my life that I felt happy, loved, and complete. I was ready to finally give you what you wanted. To ask you to move back into the loft. I wanted to try that couples thing. It would be just the two of us. I was really ready…”

“Oh, Brian…”

“You walked me out to my jeep. You were so happy, humming, and twirling around. I pulled you into my arms, and I knew you could read all my emotions in my eyes. I wanted to sweep you away with me, take you back to the loft and make plans for our future. But you came with Daphne, and it was only polite to be a gentleman and escort her home.”

“I pulled you into my arms, and kissed you deeply. The electricity surged between us, and I felt so much passion. I was ecstatic. I remember you saying, ‘It was the best night of my life’.”

“As you walked away, in my mind I was already making plans for later that night, when you’d return to the loft. I was going to splurge and eat carbs at midnight. I wanted to have champagne, olives, brie and French bread. And I was going to get those Godiva chocolates you love so much.”

“Really? That’s so romantic, Brian.”

“I let my mind wander for only a second, and when I looked up I saw you walking away in my rearview mirror. But then everything changed. I panicked. I tried to catch up with you. I tried to stop him. But I wasn’t fast enough, and there you were, crumpled and broken. Bleeding on the cold cement.”

Tears are flowing down Brian’s face, his voice cracking, and he’s shaking uncontrollably. Justin reaches out and takes him in his arms. He holds him close, letting him release all those tears he’s held in for so long.  He realizes now that it wasn’t just him that needed so desperately to talk about that night. Brian needed it too, maybe even more then him.

Brian buries his face in the crook of Justin’s neck, as his emotions take him back in time to that place he never wanted to revisit. But as he lets go of all his pain, he’s comforted by Justin’s embrace. Maybe for the first time in years, he’ll be able to let go of all his agony and shame.

He hears Justin whisper, “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault, Brian. You have to believe that.”

“But I should have been paying attention. I should have stopped him. I was supposed to protect you, and I failed.”

“I love that you wanted to protect me, but you can’t continue to blame yourself. You’re not responsible for Chris Hobbs’s actions. You have to let this go, Brian. It’s not healthy to carry around all this guilt.”

“But I am… Everyone told me it was all my fault, and they were right. I almost killed you, and they all hated me for it. They didn’t want me around, they all blamed me. None of them ever cared about me and what I was going through. Just like always, I wasn’t allowed to have feelings. I had to suffer in silence all alone.”

“Brian… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. They were only looking out for you. Protecting you from big bad Brian.”

“You’re the last person I needed protection from.”

“Yeah. Well, they didn’t see it that way. They kindly asked me to not to come to the hospital to see you, it upset your mom too much. Then they criticized, and blamed me when you asked for me, and I wasn’t there.”

“Brian. I didn’t know they asked you to stay away.”

“Your mom hated me. She blamed me for everything that happened. It was like the beginning all over again. I ruined her baby. I was a monster, and she was determined to keep me away from you. But I showed her.”

“What do you mean?”

Brian shakes his head, realizing he let that slip. “Nothing! Nothing at all.”

“Brian?”

“Let’s take a break. I can hear your stomach growling.”

“Do you want to go to the diner?”

“Nope. I’m going to make you breakfast.”

“Brian. I need to eat something hearty before I polish off the rest of the cinnamon rolls.”

“Just sit tight, Sunshine, or better yet, pour us some juice.”

“We have juice here?”

“I told you I went to the market down the street.”

So Brian starts making breakfast, as Justin sets the table and pours orange juice for himself and guava juice for Brian.

“Is that bacon I smell?”

“Yes, dear…”

“Oh my God! I really am queen for a day.”

“Yeah. Well, don’t blame me when you gain twenty pounds.”

“Oh, I doubt that will happen. With your sexual appetite, I’ll have it all worked off in no time.”

Twenty minutes later Brian sets a plate down in front of Justin with hash browns, bacon and a cheese omelet. Surprisingly he’s having the same breakfast. He needs his strength as they continue to delve into their painful past.

TBC…

Title: Just Kiss Me…

Story Type: AU

Word Count:

Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary:  They say confession is good for the soul, but you may have to go through hell to come out the other side…

Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Seventeen ~ Shattered Kisses

Justin’s arms are over his head, and he’s leaning against the glass shower door. The warm water is running down their bodies, as their breathing returns to normal. He leans his head back, resting it on Brian’s shoulder. They turn towards one another and capture each other’s lips in a passionate kiss. Afterwards they dry off with big fluffy red towels, then lie on the bed taking a few minutes to relax, just holding each other. Eventually they get comfortably dressed, Brian in his faded jeans, and Justin in his old flannel shirt.

“Christ, Justin! You still have that shirt? You’re going to get me hard all over again just thinking about our first night together.”

Grinning like a fool he whispers, “I could still feel you the next day, and all I could think was I needed you inside me again. Again, and again, and again.”

“You are such a horny little boy.”

“Just the way you like me.”

Once Brian finishes rolling a joint they resume their places on the sofa, feeling refreshed and ready to continue their walk down memory lane. Brian hopes he can hold it together, and not come undone as he recounts his internal trauma. Justin senses Brian’s emotional struggle, so he pushes Brian’s legs apart and settles down between them with his back against Brian’s chest.

Brian lights the joint, and inhales deeply, letting the smoke fill his lungs and his mind relax. Feeling Justin in his arms comforts him, giving him the security he needs to continue opening up about that night.

“It seemed like hours as I knelt on the concrete holding you in my arms. I just kept praying, ‘God, please don’t take him away from me’.”

As hard as he tries, he can’t stop his emotions from taking over.

His body shakes as he whispers. “I was so afraid I’d lose you, and I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”

Justin looks up and runs his hand down the side of Brian’s face, running his thumbs under Brian’s eyes, wiping away his tears.

“Once the ambulance arrived, soon we were speeding through the streets with the sirens blaring. I sat holding your hand, whispering to you just how much I loved you.”

“They screeched to a halt outside the emergency room, and then you were gone. I was in shock, everything happened so fast. I was afraid to let you go. I needed to know you‘d be alright. I kept asking about you, but they wouldn’t tell me anything. I wasn’t a relative, so I didn’t have a right to know about your condition. It felt like they blamed me. Like they thought that I was the one who hit you upside the head with the baseball bat.”

Brian takes a deep shaky breath.

“Your mom and the police arrived shortly after that, and the inquisition began. But I couldn’t focus on their questions, beyond the fact that Chris Hobbs had struck you with the bat. I didn’t know why he did it. I just assumed it was because he was a homophobic asshole who hated fags.”

“I’m sorry, Brian. That was wrong of them to treat you that way. If it wasn’t for you, I would have died in a pool of my own blood. You saved my life!”

“I’m no hero, Justin.”

“You’ll always be my hero.”

Brian just shakes his head, unwilling to believe that.

“Soon I heard Deb’s voice echoing from the reception desk. She was yelling and screaming, demanding to know what was going on. Of course they had no problem letting her talk to the head nurse, finding out about your condition, and what surgery they were performing.”

His lips are trembling, as his anger from that night starts to surface.

“Then they were all there, sitting together, consoling your mom, and occasionally glancing at me. I felt their angry glares looking at me like I was the monster. Soon I was shunted off to the hallway, sitting by myself, covered in blood.”

“I could hear your mom crying in the waiting room. She just kept asking why and I wish I knew why. I wish I had an answer. But I was in my own state of shock, and as it hit me I started to blame myself.”

Brian’s now an emotional mess. Justin’s holding him close as all his pain resurfaces. He’s now lying in Justin’s arms, as Justin gently rocks him, comforting him.

“It wasn’t fair for them to treat you that way. There’s no excuse for that. They had to know that you were hurting just as much as they were, even more.”

“They needed a target and I fit the bill. I wasn’t supposed to be at your prom, therefore I must be the one who’s to blame.”

“Bullshit! I really hate them for being so cold-hearted, and uncaring. Couldn’t they see what you were going through?”

“I really don’t think anyone ever thought about me, or my feelings. They couldn’t see the fear in my eyes, or the rage behind them.”

Justin leans down and kisses Brian’s forehead, as Brian lays his head in Justin’s lap.

“Eventually Michael showed up. Emmett called him, he was at the airport about to board a plane for Portland. He tries to comfort me, but Mikey being Mikey really isn’t any help. He starts getting loud and angry, but not at Chris Hobbs. No. He’s angry with me. He’s outraged that I went to your prom. He can’t help reminding me that I refused to go to our prom. He always has to make everything about him, and him not getting what he wants. I’m pretty sure he was going to turn this all around on you, making it all your fault. But then he saw the look in my eyes and backed off.”

“I sat there all night by myself. Michael, Ted and Emmett would come over every once in a while and just sit next to me. I could hear them all whispering around the corner, speculating about my part in all of it. Melanie was practically ready to hang me by sunrise, and your mom was a complete wreck. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was. How I never meant for anything to happen to you. But she didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. She couldn’t even look at me. Of course I was still wearing my tux, covered in your blood. I’m sure it just reminded her that it didn’t have to happen. It wouldn’t have happened if I’d just stayed away.”

“You don’t know that! No one knows that except Chris Hobbs. He might have planned this in advance. It would be just like him to do something like that. He hated me. He hated that I was out and proud. I’m almost positive he’s a closeted fag, too afraid to admit he’s a homosexual. He’s a coward, so threatened by his own sexuality that he has to harm others to prove he’s a man.”

“Don’t let him upset you. He’s not worth the energy.”

Brian reaches for the ashtray, and relights the joint. As they get stoned they notice how quiet it is in the loft. Justin gets up and turns on the radio. Now music is playing in the background, softening all the harsh memories that are now washing over them. Coming back he grabs a couple of waters and they both relax on the sofa, this time facing each other.

“I stayed at the hospital right outside your room for days, hoping you’d regain consciousness. Michael brought me clean clothes, and the nurses let me shower in one of the empty hospital rooms. The only other time I left that chair was when I was outside smoking a cigarette. Michael, Ted and Emmett made Starbucks’ runs, and tried to get me to eat greasy diner food, but I couldn’t eat anything. Not even a turkey sandwich.”

“Late at night, after they had all gone home I would sneak into you room. I’d sit next to your bed and hold your hand while you slept, whispering words of love. I needed that connection. I needed to feel your touch, and know you were alive. To know I was alive.”

“The next morning Michael was getting antsy, he was bored sitting in the hospital with me. He couldn’t understand why I needed to be there. He never understood how deeply I needed you, or how much I loved you.”

“By the third day when you finally woke up he thought that my obligation to you was over. That I was done with you. Free to leave and never have to see you again. He actually thought that maybe, now that we weren’t together, that I might want to give it a try with him.”

“You’re fucking kidding me!”

Brian looks disgusted by that memory. “I didn’t understand until then how much he discounted my feelings for you. Or how deep his negative feelings for you were.”

“We had a huge fight. He stormed off to Portland, crying that at least David wanted him. That he just might not be available when I finally realized that it was him I needed in my life!”

“The thing is I did need him. But I needed him to be there for me as my best friend. I should have accepted that he wasn’t really my best friend right then and there. But after years of depending on each other, it was hard to see the reality of the situation.”

Brian wraps his arms around his Sunshine. “I could never let you go, not even when they all asked me to.”

“Well, thank God.”

“I went home that night, but it felt so empty in the loft and all I wanted was to get back to you. I tried to sleep for a few hours, but I tossed and turned. It was nearly impossible without you there next to me. So I showered and shaved, put on clean clothes and early the next morning I snuck back into your room. You were sound asleep. The sun was just rising and with it brought me hope. I leaned over and kissed your forehead, then the nurses came in and asked me to step out for a few minutes. They had to check all your vital signs and then the doctor arrived, but by that time your mom had shown up. She barely looked at me, but she let me stay when the doctor went over your condition and prognosis.”

“Then she kindly asked me to leave. She said that you needed to rest. That you didn’t need any distractions. She thought it was better if I didn’t come to the hospital anymore. She felt it was best that I left our relationship in the past. That you needed to move forward with your life, and she didn’t think there was any place for me in it.”

“I protested. I told her she was wrong. I told her we belonged together.”

“But the next thing I knew Debbie was there, and she led me away. She made it clear that I wasn’t wanted there. That none of this would have happened if I hadn’t caused a scene at your prom. She told me this was all my doing, and it was time that I left. I needed to let you recover in peace, to just stay away. Forever!”

“I felt gutted. She, of all people should have known that what we shared was real. But she had taken sides, and it wasn’t my side she was defending. So I left. I went home and started drinking. That was when my descent into hell began.”

“She had no right! My mom had no right! How could they think I didn’t need you? You were all I needed! I made that clear as soon as I was awake. I asked you for every day. I questioned why you weren’t there. I needed to know that you were alright. I needed that connection, just as much as you did.”

Brian pulls Justin into his arms and kisses him, holding him tight as all his long-suppressed memories and emotions wash over him in waves. He buries his face in Justin’s hair, loving the way he smells as it tickles his nose. Pulling back, Justin looks him deeply in the eyes, seeing the pain behind his tears. He runs his hand through Brian’s hair, and then their lips meet again telling him that everything’s going to be alright. 

“I spent most of my waking hours stoned, drinking and fucking. I barely made it into the office, and after a while Cynthia was having a hard time covering for me with Ryder. Finally I took a leave of absence. That probably wasn’t the best choice, although at the time it seemed like the only solution. But it only gave me more time to realize what I’d lost. I drowned my sorrows in drugs and alcohol until I was completely numb. I had sex with anybody and everybody, yet I didn’t feel a thing. I was on autopilot spiraling out of control.”

“Then on the rare occasion that I actually made it to the diner to have coffee with Ted and Emmett, they mentioned that you were being moved to the rehabilitation unit. That you were having nightmares, and you’d wake up crying and screaming. All I wanted to do was hold you, to be there for you so you’d know you weren’t all alone.”

Brian takes a deep breath, realizing that the time has come for him to come clean. Justin needed to know that he didn’t abandon him.

“One night I stumbled out of Babylon, realizing that I couldn’t keep going on the way I was. Maybe it was the cool breeze on my back, or the wet rain on my face. But whatever it was, it was a wakeup call. I got in the jeep and didn’t even realize where I was going until I found myself sitting in the hospital parking lot. I looked up at the building, and suddenly I couldn’t get to you fast enough.”

Justin’s surprised by Brian’s confession. Tears are steaming down Brian’s face, as his lips tremble.

“I found your hospital room, and the next thing I knew I was sitting next to you. You looked so frightened and helpless as you twisted and turned, shaking in your sleep. Just my touch seemed to comfort you. I kissed your cheek, and whispered to you that everything was going to be okay. That I was here now. You calmed right down, and fell into a deep sleep.”

“That was the beginning of my nightly ritual. No one knew I kept watch over you every night. If your mom found out she would have put an end to it. The nurses started updating me on your progress. You were getting stronger, the occupational therapy was helping and your fits of anger were lessening. But they kept telling me that they thought you’d recover faster if you knew I was there. But I couldn’t risk it.”

“So as you healed, I stopped sitting next to you. But I still came to see you every night. I watched you sleep through the window in your door. My heart went out to you when you’d subconsciously reach out for me, or call my name. Sometimes you’d get agitated having a bad dream. I wanted so badly to take you in my arms and just hold you. It broke my heart to stay away. Sometimes you’d look straight at me through that glass window, and I swear you knew I was there.”

“Brian… I can’t believe it. You were really there?”

“Yes. I couldn’t stay away. I had to be close to you. I had to know you were going to be alright.”

“I thought it was my imagination. I’d see you off in the distance, but I was sure my mind was playing tricks on me. But I wanted to believe that you were there for me.”

“I was. I always will be.”

“I asked for you, but my mom always said that I needed to focus on getting better. She made me feel like you didn’t care, that I didn’t mean anything to you anymore.”

“You’ll always mean everything to me, even if we’re not together. I’ll never stop loving you. I never have.”

“Even when I was with Ethan?”

“Yes. Especially when you were with Ian.”

“But why? Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I thought you knew. I tried to show you with my actions, because the words were so hard to speak. But you couldn’t hear me. I’m not even sure you could see me anymore at that time.”

Justin’s in shock, tears running down his face. Brian reaches out to comfort him, hating that all those memories of Ian have surfaced again.

“Oh Brian… How could I have been so stupid?”

“Ssssh… Let’s not go there. I can only handle one emotional confession at a time.”

Crying, Justin shakes his head okay. Brian pulls him into his arms again. Yep, he knew today was going to be hard to get through, but there’s still so much to say.

TBC…

Title: Healing Kisses…

Story Type: AU

Word Count: 2582

Warnings:  Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Ant-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Justin embraces his memories of the prom, helping release all their unspoken pain. Finally allowing them to acknowledge how deeply they love one another.

Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Eighteen ~ Healing Kisses

Justin’s mind is whirling as Brian’s words seep in through the foggy haze. So many revelations about Brian’s true feelings for him, and all his own guilt for not having realized them at the time. He’s not sure if he needs a shot of whiskey, another joint, or a cup of strong French roast. But he sure needs something as he comes to grips with his overwhelming emotions.

Brian loosens his embrace on Justin, sensing that he needs a little space. Grudgingly he lets him go. Justin’s now pacing in front of the windows, as his anger and frustration washes over him. Instinctively Brian pours them each a cup of coffee with a shot of Irish whiskey, then he sits down and rolls another joint.

“Justin. Please talk to me.”

“I… I don’t know what to say… I’m so angry right now! Angry at my mom for misleading me for so long. She’s never told me the truth about any of this. She’s the one I should have blamed for all my feelings of rejection and torment. All these years of me feeling inadequate, desperately needing to know if you loved me. Feeling like I was never important to you, like I could never be what you needed.”

“Justin, please. You can’t blame her for all of it. You know I’m to blame for a lot of your feelings of insecurity.”

“Don’t worry. I blame you too!”

“I’m sure you do…”

“Why? Why didn’t you just tell me? Why not just say something. I needed so desperately to know, to hear you say it.”

“I… I wasn’t sure I was what you needed.”

“Bullshit!”

“Justin. Please understand. I had been living in a drunken stupor. I knew what I needed, but everyone kept telling me I was no good for you. All my own negative feelings of self-doubt resurfaced. I grew up being told I wasn’t worth being loved. I may have put up a strong impenetrable shield, but that’s only because it hurt so much to constantly be reminded that I was worthless.”

“Brian. You know that’s not true. They’re the ones who didn’t deserve love or respect. I know you’ve never told me much about your childhood. Maybe someday when you’re comfortable talking about it, you will.”

“Yes. Of course. It’s just another thing to add to my long list of secrets to confess.”

“Brian. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know. I know, but it’s true. There’s so many things I’ve never told you, but I will I promise. I want to, just not right now. Let’s just try and get through this conversation first.”

“Alright. Of course you’re right. We need to get back on track.”

Brian walks over and wraps his arms around Justin, leaning his chin on his shoulder. They stand looking out the window as the raindrops roll down the glass.

“I guess it’s my turn to talk about that night…”

“I was still living with Deb and Vic at the time. One morning at breakfast I mentioned that I wasn’t going to my prom. Deb said something about it being one of those things, like a rite of passage, and that I’d regret it if I didn’t go. I told her that the prom was for straight kids, not for kids like me. Of course she goes off about how Michael didn’t go to his prom, and how he’s never stopped regretting it. That he still feels like he missed out on something.”

“I tried to object. I told her I wasn’t Michael, that I didn’t need validation from anyone. Besides, I’d grown to hate St. James Academy during my senior year, especially after the way they treated me about being gay. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to show them they were wrong. That I had a right to go, just as much as all the other kids. I wanted you to go with me. They needed to see that I wasn’t all that different from them, and that I deserved to be able to love whoever I wanted.”

“Then I turned you down.”

“Yeah. But by that time I already had my mind set on going, so I asked Daphne. We were only going to make an appearance, to let them know that they couldn’t bully us. That we were stronger than them.”

“Good for you. You’ve always been strong, standing up for what you believed in.”

“Emmett came over and helped me get dressed. I was actually getting excited. It was the first time I had ever worn a tux, and I looked good. Of course he had a purple bowtie picked out, just a little gesture to show my true colors.”

“That’s our Em…”

“When I came down the stairs everyone was waiting for me in the living room. My mom, Deb, Mel and Lindsay. They all gushed, telling me how handsome I was, and it felt good. I was actually happy that Daphne and I decided to go.”

“Of course it was boring once we got there. It was mostly kids we didn’t really care for, separated into they’re little cliques. But we didn’t care, we didn’t let them intimidate us. We sat with some of Daphne’s friends during dinner, and we danced together and as a group.”

“Then Daphne got this look on her face, and she practically squealed. I turned and looked, and there you were walking towards me. You looked so beautiful, and I couldn’t believe you were there. Excitement surged through me. I was so happy you came.”

“God, you looked so handsome, and I had butterflies in my stomach. Then you reached out and took my hand, leading me out to the dance floor. By that time we had caught everyone’s attention, and I was so proud to be there with you.”

“You held me close, and my heart was beating so fast I thought it might explode. I’ve never been so happy in my whole life.”

“I felt like we were the only people in the world, glowing under the spotlight.”

“We were in our own little bubble, and nothing else mattered. It was just the two of us.”

“You dipped me, holding me tightly in your arms and I felt so safe, so alive.”

“All the love I felt for you was surging through my veins, and I knew you loved me too. Life was perfect right at that moment.”

“It was perfect for me too. I was so happy, and so in love with you. I couldn’t believe I finally got it right.”

Just then Brian’s face clouds over and he looks away…

“Brian. No one can ever take that away from us. I remember now, and no matter what happened later that night, it doesn’t change what we had at that moment in time. I’ll always cherish it. It means everything to me.”

“Justin…”

“You have to let go of the pain, and hold on to the love. Otherwise they win. It’s just like you always told me. Brian, please don’t let them win.”

Justin reaches out and turns Brian’s head until they’re looking into each other’s eyes.

“I’m right here. We’re together. We’re in love. We’re married. We’re stronger than the past. We made it, and we have the rest of our lives to share with one another.”

Justin crashes his lips into Brian’s, and soon they’re pulling at each other’s clothes, their need for one another overwhelming them. Brian stands, pulling Justin up with him. He takes him in his arms and carries him up the stairs and lays him on the bed.

Brian divests them both of their clothes, then he starts at Justin’s ankles, running kisses up the inside of his legs. Alternating legs as he goes, he continues up his thighs to his groin. Then he lifts Justin’s legs over his head and licks his way to Justin’s pucker, kissing, licking, and tonguing him open.

Justin’s panting with desire, as he moans uncontrollably. His need for Brian is stronger than ever. After such an emotional morning they both need this connection. Brian gently suckles his balls, rotating them in his mouth, making Justin whimper and cry. He then licks his way along the length of his cock, circling around his crown before breaking his contact, releasing Justin.

He reaches for the lube, only to find that Justin is already placing it in his hand. Squirting a dollop onto his fingers he reaches back, mixing it with his saliva, leaving a slick coating on Justin’s rosebud. Another squirt of gel and he’s covered his dick. Aligning himself, he pushes into his impatient husband.

Brian hovers above Justin looking into his deep blue eyes, then he leans down and captures his lips. Justin’s legs circle his waist and soon their bodies are moving together, swaying in sync as they slide back and forth. Justin arches his back, allowing Brian to delve deeper into his tight channel. He closes his eyes as ripples of pleasure start pulsating through his limbs. Brian loves watching Justin as he’s overcome with need and desire. Soon their familiar dance is pulling them both closer to their climax. Brian increases his thrusts as he slightly changes his angle and pounds Justin’s prostate until his body is quaking, and his cock is spurting.

They hold each other close as their bodies tremble, riding out the last waves of pleasure. Brian whispers, “I love you, Sunshine. So much more than I even know how to express.”

“I know you do. Just so you know, I do too.”

Brian nuzzles his head in the crook of Justin’s neck, as Justin runs his hand down Brian’s back, rubbing circles, relaxing him. It’s been a very emotional morning for both of them, but it’s also been a very enlightening morning. For the first time they’re really talking about their relationship, and how deeply they love one another. They’re both exhausted as they drift off to sleep, taking a much-needed nap.

~~~

Brian wakes to his beeper going off and is jolted out of bed. His beeper is only for emergencies, so he immediately thinks something’s wrong with Gus. He jumps out of bed and grabs it, trying not to panic.

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is Dandy Lube has had enough of Vanguard and is jumping ship. They wants us to design a new ad campaign and have it ready by the fifteenth. They’ve already committed to roll out their new advertising in print and commercials.”

“Christ, Ted, that’s one week from now.”

“I know!”

Brian runs his hand through his hair for a moment, thinking.

“Well, fuck them! If they can’t make up their mind, they can wait in line until we can fit them in.”

“Brian. Do you think that’s wise?”

“First they go with Kinnetik, then they go back to Vanguard, and now they expect us to drop everything because Vanguard’s campaign is for shit!”

“I know, Brian, but they’ve expanded to the West coast. This would be a national campaign. Big money.”

Irritated, Brian asks, “When do they want to meet?”

“The CEO’s son is in the conference room waiting for you now.”

“Well, take him to lunch, and wherever else you little heart desires. If I remember correctly you were quite smitten with the son of Dandy Lube.”

“Brian…”

“What? You need to get laid, it’s been awhile. And get the art department working on a basic layout with the logo, and we’ll add the details after the meeting.”

“Okay, Boss…”

“Ted. Remember, this is just a preliminary meeting, then we’re going to New York. So they’ll have to understand that we can’t meet with them again until next week, and they better love the new campaign, because we’ll only have a few days to make changes.”

“Okay, Boss. So you’ll be in the office by two?”

Brian huffs, “Yes!”

“Brian. What’s going on?”

“I have to go into the office, but only for an hour.”

“I guess I’ll make lunch while you shower.”

By the time Brian’s out of the shower, Justin’s finished making BLTs and an orange and cucumber salad.

“Bacon, Justin?”

“You bought it. Besides, I know you love BLTs.”

“Okay, but what’s this salad?”

“Try it, you’ll like it. It’s just cucumber slices and orange sections, with lemon juice and salt n’ pepper. It’s really good.”

Brian’s surprised that he actually likes it. It’s crunchy, sweet and tart.

“Don’t you need to go pick Gus up?”

“No. He’s on a field trip today.”

“What kind of field trip does a preschool class go on?”

“They’re going to the Build-A-Bear factory. The kids can design their own stuffed animals, and it’s not just teddy bears. They can make almost any kind of stuffed animal they want. I was going to volunteer to chaperone the class, but Lindsay wanted to go. She thought it would be nice for her and Gus to spend some quality time together.”

“Good. I think so too.”

Once Brian leaves for the office Justin sits and reflects on everything they’ve talked about. He still can’t believe that he was so blind to Brian’s feelings. He feels like a fool. If he had only known he would have done things so much differently. The whole Ethan fiasco might never have happened, and probably the Vermont thing as well. He wouldn’t have felt so insecure. He may still have had memory problems and not be able to read Brian the way he used to, but he’d have known that they were solid. He wouldn’t have let others cloud his judgment and perception.

Someone knocks on the loft door, and he answers it.

“Mom!”

“Hi, honey. I tried you at the house, then I remembered that you had Gus in the afternoons.”

“Not today. He’s on a field trip.”

“Well, I just wanted to catch you before you left for New York.”

“I’m actually glad you stopped by. I want to talk with you too.”

“Justin, since you’re going to be in Manhattan, I was thinking you could stop by and visit your Grandma.”

“Mom!”

“I’m sure she’d like to meet Brian.”

“Mom. Brian’s going to be busy at the advertising conference.”

“Then that would be a perfect time to visit her. She hasn’t seen you in a few years, and I know she’d love to see you.”

“Mom. She lives in Asbury Park.”

“It’s only sixty miles. It will be nice to drive down the coast to see all the sights.”

“Mom!”

“Justin, she’s getting up there in age, and she doesn’t get that many visitors. Besides, I already told her you were going to be in New York.”

“You what?”

“Justin. She’s your Grandmother. She’s in her sixties, and you don’t know how many opportunities you have left before…”

“Really, Mom? You’re going to play the guilt card?”

“Well, if you don’t want to see her, I’ll just call and tell her…”

“Okay! Fine! Fine! I’ll go one afternoon while Brian’s at the conference!”

“Thanks. I knew you’d end up seeing it my way. Well I really need to be going. Call me from Grandma’s house while you’re there.”

“Wait! Not so fast! I need to ask you something.”

“What is it, honey? You look upset.”

Justin takes a deep breath. He hadn’t thought he’d be having this conversation today, but there’s no time like the present. And it will give them both time to calm down while he’s in New York.

TBC…

Title: Soothing Kisses…

Story Type: AU

Word Count: 4347

Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Justin’s stressed out after confronting his mom about her behavior after his bashing.

Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Nineteen ~ Soothing Kisses

Jennifer’s distraught as she sits at Woody’s during happy hour with Debbie.

“Oh, Debbie. Did you see him? He was so angry and so sad. I didn’t know what to say to him. I never meant for him to get hurt. I just wanted to protect him. I really thought that all of this was in the past. I never thought he’d ever bring it up. But now, after all this time he and Brian are talking about it, and now I’m the bad guy.”

“You did what you had to do. You’re his mother and it was your place to make those decisions.”

“You don’t understand. He doesn’t see it that way. I’m the one who didn’t allow Brian to stay at the hospital. I decided that I wanted him out of Justin’s life.”

“What mother wouldn’t want Brian out of their son’s life?”

“Debbie. Don’t you understand? Brian loved him. He’s always loved him. Justin needed him, and I wouldn’t allow it.”

“Jennifer, you can’t blame yourself. You did what you thought was best. It’s water under the bridge, let it go.”

“No. It’s not. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Justin is angry, he doesn’t understand why I sent Brian away. Why I lied to him. He’d ask for Brian every day and I made him believe Brian didn’t care.”

“Jen…”

“No, Debbie! We all let him believe Brian didn’t love him, while at the same time we blamed Brian for the bashing, and then again for not visiting him in the hospital.”

“As I recall Brian was a total mess. He was stoned and drunk all the time, he was in no shape to be visiting Justin.”

“Yes, but that’s because he was hurting and we wouldn’t let him see Justin.”

“Brian’s been a fall-down drunk most of his life!”

“Debbie! That’s the problem right there!”

“What do you mean?”

“You! Why do you always have to treat him like that? You hold him to impossible standards! One minute he’s a horrible person, a degenerate who’s a bad influence on your son. Then in the next breath he’s a saint, always coming to Michael, Mel or Lindsay’s rescue.”

“You don’t understand. You don’t really know him.”

“I think I do! He’s married to my son after all! He’s the only one who’s stood by Justin, through thick and thin, every single time Justin’s needed him. Even when Justin was with Ethan, he was still there for him. Did you know he continued to pay for Justin’s college tuition? He even insisted Justin keep the computer he bought him with all his graphics programs so he could continue his art work.”

“Well. He can afford it!”

“That’s not the point! The point is he loves Justin, he’s always loved him. He loved him enough to let him go, because he cared more about Justin’s happiness than his own.”

“He’s far from perfect! He has a lot of issues you don’t know about. Michael and I have always been there for him. He’s been a total fuck-up, a complete mess most his life, and now that Michael needs him he just turns his back on his best friend.”

“Oh! You want to go there? Do you?”

“What the fuck do you mean by that?”

“How long must Brian be indebted to you and Michael? I think twenty years is long enough!”

“Listen, Missy. You think you’re all high and mighty. Well you don’t know shit!”

“Oh, I’ve heard all about it, and I’m not blind. Michael is totally co-dependent on Brian, and now that Brian’s finally put his foot down, Michael is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I know all about the way your son’s treated mine for years. Michael’s jealous that Brian loves Justin, and not him. He’s carried a torch for Brian for twenty years, even while he was with David, and again when he and Ben got together. He stilled carried on pining after Brian, even after he was married to Ben. I’m surprised that it took Ben this long to leave him. He’s totally pathetic, he acts like a child, and when he doesn’t get his own way he throws a temper tantrum.”

Debbie’s shocked, no one’s ever talked to her this way, or called her on all her bullshit. She’s dumbfounded, and unsure how to react. One moment she’s standing ready to storm off, then she thinks twice about it. Jennifer’s become her best friend over the last five years. She realizes that she doesn’t want to throw their friendship away, just because Jennifer’s the first person to tell her honestly what a fool her son is. Well, except Brian of course. But she couldn’t hear it from him, she didn’t want to hear it from him. After all he owed her…

With tears in her eyes she sits down again. “Oh, Jen. I don’t know why Michael refuses to grow up. I don’t know where I went wrong?”

“Debbie. I understand that all mothers want to protect their sons. But sometimes we have to let them stumble and fall, and learn how to pick themselves up again.”

“I hate seeing him in pain.”

“Of course you do. But if he never has to take responsibility for his actions, he’ll never learn, and he’ll never grow up.”

“He’s not strong. He’s always needed Brian…”

“Face it, Deb. You’ve always blamed Brian, when you knew it was Michael’s fault. Brian’s been his scapegoat and he’s never pushed back until now. It’s time the two of you let Brian off the hook, he’s not the bad guy. He’s not Rage, here to save the day. He’s just a man.”

Crying, Debbie shakes her heading, knowing what Jen says is true.

She whispers, “He’s in love with Brian.”

“I know. Everyone knows. But Brian’s not in love with him.”

“I know. But I always thought that… Someday…”

“That day’s never going to come, and we both know it.”

“When Michael was younger, he’d come by the house late at night, after watching Brian take someone else home. He sit and cry, wishing it was him. Wondering when it was going to be him Brian wanted.”

“Deb…”

“No. No, part of this is my fault. I told him Brian was young, that he needed to feel loved and for him sex was love. I told Michael to be patient, that when Brian was ready for real love then he’d have his chance.”

“But Debbie…”

“Then Justin came along, and we all knew right from the beginning that he was different. Michael knew it too, but he refused to acknowledge it. He did everything he could to discourage Justin, and to tell him who Brian really was. But the meaner Michael was to him, the more determined Justin was.”

“I agree Michael was a real shit, he’s tried to come between them every chance he could. But, let’s be real, Michael has been jealous of Justin because he has something that Michael never will.”

“I know. But Brian always said he loved him. So what was Michael supposed to think? He believed him, hoping that time was just around the corner.”

“He needs to open his eyes, and accept that was never Brian’s dream. He’s just been kidding himself thinking Brian would ever want him as his partner.”

“I know. But he just can’t let it go.”

“He has to, Deb.”

“I know. I know he does…”

“When they announced that they’d gotten married in Hawaii, something in Michael just snapped. It didn’t matter that he was already married to Ben, his heart was breaking. He’s never given up hope that Brian would eventually love him the way he’s always desired. And now he’s hit bottom, I’m actually afraid of what might do next. He’s never had to deal with this before, and if he doesn’t stop, it’s possible that he might lose Brian’s friendship before it’s over.”

“I’m sorry, Debbie. I really am. But like I said. Sometimes we have to let them stumble and fall, and pick themselves back up again.”

“I’m afraid for him.”

“Just be there for him, but don’t coddle him. Make him stand on his own two feet. He’ll never grow up if you always bail him out of trouble.”

“I know…”

“I’m sorry that things got so heated between us, Deb, I really am. But I need to figure out how to deal with Justin, to make him understand. The thing is he’s not just angry about how I deceived him. He’s angry about how everyone treated Brian. I feel guilty that I’ve never thought about what Brian must have been going through at the time.”

“No. I don’t think any of us did. We’ve always discounted Brian’s feelings, telling ourselves that he doesn’t have any. But that’s not true, he just doesn’t show them.”

“I understand from Justin that he had a troubled childhood, but Justin won’t say anything more.”

“Troubled is putting it mildly. His parents should have been turned into family services. He would have been better off in foster care. He was abused mentally and physically. No, I don’t mean sexually, or at least I don’t think he was. His parents were alcoholics, his father beat him, and his mother neglected him.”

“Oh God…”

“He learned from an early age to close off his emotions. He’s learned to internalize all his fears and frustrations. He probably still does. He was very determined from a young age to excel in school, he set goals for himself to be the best at everything he did. He got a full scholarship to college, and played soccer, they even tried to draft him into a national soccer league. But he wanted his business degree in advertising, he even got an MBA.”

“He’s very smart, there’s no doubt about that. Look at how well Kinnetik is doing and he only started his own advertising firm two years ago.”

“I’m proud of Brian. I always knew he’d be a success. I just wish Michael had some of his enthusiasm to do something with his life.”

“Well maybe with everything that’s happened, he’ll finally start working towards his goals.”

“Yeah. Once he figures out what they are. Do you want another glass of wine?”

“No. I have to pick Molly up from her girlfriend’s house in a half hour.”

“Don’t worry about Justin, you two will be alright. You just need to talk it through, he needs to come to grips with what happened. I know it sounds bad, but this might actually be a good thing for him and Brian. It might bring them closer.”

“I think so too, but I might lose him at the same time.”

“I don’t think so. Give him time.”

~~~

Justin’s outrage is still surging through his veins when Brian pulls back the loft door, the scraping metal jolting him from his fury. Brian knows right away that something’s wrong. He’d hoped that Justin might have taken the time while he was at the office to relax and let some of the day’s revelations settle in. He slips off his suit jacket and wraps his arms around Justin, pulling him into his chest. He nuzzles his face into Justin’s blond hair and kisses the top of his head. Justin responds by tilting his head back and Brian captures his lips in a passionate kiss. When they finally come up for air Justin’s stomach growls, he’s always hungry.

“I know it’s early but how about dinner before we drive back to Britin?”

Brian smirks thinking that sounds about right, he knows Justin always eats when he’s stressed.

“How about we order Chinese?”

“That sounds good. But no sweet and sour, or anything with a sweet sauce.”

“Yes, dear. How about Pot Stickers, Kung Pao Shrimp and Moo Shu Pork?”

“Okay, and get some extra eggrolls.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really, you twat!”

“Is it too early to open a bottle of wine?”

“Pick your poison, red or white?”

“Chardonnay. No, wait Merlot.”

Brian sets the wine glasses on the cocktail table in front of Justin, waiting for him to tell him what’s wrong.

“I don’t know what I thought she’d say.”

“Oh?”

Brian just waits for him to continue, unsure who Justin’s talking about.

“I was going to wait to confront her, but then she showed up here at the loft. At first I just let her ramble, she wanted to see me before we left for New York. She asked me to go visit my grandma in New Jersey.”

“Do you and your Grandma get along?”

“Yeah, she’s great. It’s just been a few years since I’ve seen her, and that was when my grandpa died. We didn’t really have a chance to talk at the funeral. Of course she was upset, and his death was so unexpected. He wasn’t even sick at the time, he had a heart attack while working in his woodshop. He designed furniture, and sold his pieces in high-end retail stores in New York.”

“Another artist in the family. That must be where you get your creative side.”

“Yeah, him and Grandma Roxy. They’re both artists, relics from the hippy era. You would have liked him.”

“Well, at least you still have your Grandma Roxy.”

“Yes, thank goodness. So I finally agreed to go visit her, she lives in Asbury Park, New Jersey. It’s just a little over an hour’s drive from New York City.”

“Good. It will give you something to do one afternoon while I’m at the conference.”

“That’s what Mom said. I should have left it at that, but my anger was simmering just under the surface and it just sprang forward.”

“You’ve never been one to hold back on your feelings.”

“She was pretty shocked that I brought it up after all this time. But for me this is all new information.”

“I know. I’m sorry we never talked about it before today.”

“I don’t know what I expected, she just kept saying she never meant for anyone to get hurt. She thought she was doing the right thing, that she only wanted to protect me.”

“I’m sure she…”

“No! She actually said I should be grateful to have a mother who would do anything to protect me!”

“I think in her mind, she actually believed she was doing the right thing.”

“I lost it. I screamed at her saying that she ruined my life. That she didn’t have any right to be making those kind of decisions for me. That it wasn’t her place, I wasn’t even living with her at the time. That her interfering in our relationship almost cost me everything I’ve ever wanted. That it caused us years of misunderstandings that drove us further and further apart. That it’s only by some miracle that we found our way back to each other, and it took until now for us to really open up and talk to each other.”

“Justin, I know you’re upset, but please calm down.”

At this point he’s pacing, ranting, waving his arms in the air, completely outraged.

“She was lying to me! She deceived me!”

“I know.”

“You taught me that lying is bullshit. It always comes back to haunt you.”

“And it seems that she’s finding that out first hand.”

“She said she knew you were at the hospital every night, the nurses told her you were there. But she still never mentioned it to me, even when I asked for you. Why? Why couldn’t she understand how desperately I needed to know you cared?”

“I’m not trying to make excuses for her. But I think it frightened her, she saw me as a threat. She was probably afraid that she’d lose you, it was her way of trying to shelter you.”

“Stop defending her!”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.”

“I don’t think it ever occurred to her that she wasn’t just hurting me, but she was hurting you too. She got this shocked look on her face when I confronted her. Especially the part about how everyone blamed you, not just for the bashing, but for not visiting me in the hospital. I told her I knew all about how two-faced they all were. How they were all asking you to stay away, and then criticizing you for not visiting me.”

“You’re right, it was total bullshit! But by then, they had me believing I was no good for you. That it was all my fault.”

“Please stop saying that! It’s not true!”

“Calm down. I know that now, but at the time… I just couldn’t stop thinking they were right.”

“Brian, if they hadn’t interfered we would have healed together, we’d have been there for each other. But, as it was they callously created a roadblock between us. One that would take four years for us to deconstruct and finally get our relationship back to where we were that night!”

“I know… I’m sorry…”

“Stop saying you’re sorry! You’re not the one to blame!”

“Justin, please calm down.”

Brian goes and wraps his arms around him, but Justin’s angry, fighting him at first. Finally he quietens down and then the tears start, tears he’s held in for so long.

“Oh, Brian. We wasted so much time, time we could have been happy instead of lost, hurt and angry.”

“We can’t change the past, we can only move forward.”

Brian’s words do little to comfort him, but his kisses help greatly. He holds Justin close, and eventually they’re lying on the sofa as Brian places soft butterfly kisses all over his face, neck and shoulders. Finally Justin’s laughing and smiling his signature sunshine smile. Even the rain clouds have retreated, and the sun has come out, casting a peachy glow throughout the loft.

Brian slowly starts to pull his t-shirt over his head, as all their senses come alive and their passion takes over. They’re both now hard, Brian in his tailored suit pants, and Justin in his cotton sweatpants. Their loose fitting pants allow them the pleasure of feeling each other growing as they rub up against one another.

“Brian… I need you.”

“What’s that? Did you say feed you? The food’s on the way.”

Justin smacks Brian across his chest playfully. “You heard me.”

“I’ll feed you my cock. How’s that sound for an appetizer?”

“Perfect. I can’t wait for the entrée.”

Sitting up, Justin unzips Brian’s pants, and his dick springs forward. Soon Justin’s lips encompass him. Brian braces his hands on the arm of the sofa as he thrusts his hips forward. Justin’s warm mouth welcomes him. Moans fill the air, as Justin’s sucks him. His tongue licks and swishes around his shaft and over his slit until Brian finally erupts and cries out.

“Oh, God! Justin! Yes! Yes!”

He’s still riding out his waves of pleasure when they hear someone outside the loft door, soon it’s pulled open. They turn their heads to see Lindsay standing in the doorway. Gus pushes past her and comes rushing towards them. Brian makes quick work doing up his pants before Gus sees anything. Then Gus jumps on to the sofa with them, excited to show them the stuffed animals he made. Lindsay, of course glares at them, disapproving of their obviously interrupted sex play.

“Brian! Must you do that right there on the sofa?”

“Did it occur to you to knock, and wait for the door to be answered?”

“It’s five o’clock in the afternoon.”

“What does the time have to do with being polite and knocking first?”

“Is that what you do all day long?”

“On our good days. Of course we do take breaks to shower and eat.”

“You always have to be a snarky.”

“You asked. Maybe next time you’ll call first.”

Gus pulls on Brian’s shirt tail, that’s still unbuttoned and even though he now has his manhood under control, his chest has a slight sheen.

“Daddy. I made you stuffed animals at the Teddy Bear Factory. See.”

Gus holds them up to show him. “They’re cats. I made yours a panther. Mommy said I should choose a cougar, but I think the panther is more like you, all black and sleek.”

“And for Justy’s I picked a baby kitten with golden fur. See how soft and fluffy it is? Isn’t it perfect, Daddy? Now you can snuggle with it when you take a nap and dream of Justy.”

“How appropriate. I’m long and sleek, and you’re soft and fluffy.”

Grinning, Justin tries to push him off the sofa, but he doesn’t fall. He simply scoops Gus up in a big hug and kisses him, lifting him up onto his shoulders. Lindsay’s already sitting at the island bench, as Brian sets Gus down on the stool next to her. He gets out the graham crackers and pours Gus a glass of milk.

“Thanks, Daddy.”

“So, Brian. I’m sure when you get back from New York you’ll want some time to just relax, so why doesn’t Gus stay with us next week?”

“Lindsay! The point of taking a few extra days in New York is to relax and unwind. So no, I don’t think it will be necessary to interrupt Gus’s regular schedule. After all you’re getting him several extra days this week while were out of town.”

“Brian. I’m just trying to make things easier for you.”

“Like I said, no need. Our COURT ordered schedule is just fine.”

Lindsay cringes hearing him accentuate the word court, and she knows she’s pushing too hard.

“Alright then. I was just…”

“Trying to manipulate me?”

She stands, making a sour face as she puts on her coat.

“Come on, Gus. We need to get home, it’s been a long day.”

Gus runs over to Brian and Justin giving them hugs and kisses, telling them how much he’s going to miss them. Then he coyly asks if they’ll bring him back a present while on their trip. Brian leans down, hugging him again, whispering, “Only if you’re a good boy while I’m gone.”

“I will, Daddy! I’ll be the best!”

Irritated, Lindsay turns and walks towards the door before Brian can give her a hug, making it obvious that she’s not happy she didn’t get her own way. Just as she pulls the door open, Michael stumbles in.

“Hey, Lindsay, Brian. Listen. I thought of a perfect solution to our problem. Why doesn’t Justin watch Gus at the girl’s house in the afternoons instead of the loft? That way Gus will have all his toys and he can take a nap in his own bed. Then you won’t need the loft, and I can live here.”

“No!”

“But it’s perfect.”

“No!”

Pouting, he whines, “But Brian. Ma said I can’t stay at her house, and I need a place to live.”

“We’ve already had this conversation, Mikey!”

“But…”

“Can’t you understand? I. Don’t. Want. You. Here!”

“But it’s the perfect solution.”

“Michael! Nothing’s changed. You showed up here last night crying on my shoulder, and I let you. But you seem to have forgotten that I wasn’t even talking to you for the previous months. I’m still angry about how you’re acting towards Justin, and us getting married. I’ve had it with all your whining and manipulative behavior! I’m not buying it anymore!”

Lindsay’s shocked that Brian’s being so tough on Michael, but before Michael pulls her into their fight, she gives a little wave and shoos Gus into the elevator.

Realizing that Brian’s serious, Michael calls out for her to hold the elevator. He starts asking her if he can stay with her and Mel, but she didn’t hit the pause button and the elevator descends without her replying.

“Lindsay! Lindsay! Wait!”

Justin bursts out laughing, as Brian closes the door then asks, “Now where were we?”

He pulls Justin into his arms and kisses him passionately. Just seconds later there’s another knock on the door.

“What! Did you forget something?”

A short Chinese man says in a broken accent, “Pot Sticker, Kung Pao Shrimp, Moo Shu Pork, extra eggroll.”

Brian’s POV

Justin practically squeals, the boy’s starving of course. He completely forgets about sex, as he grabs the bags of takeout and starts spreading the food out on the dining room table. I get us plates, and beers and motion to him for us to eat in the living room. He’s making yummy noises, and licking his lips and I have to admit, Tai Pei has the best Chinese food in Pittsburgh.

We relax and have a leisurely dinner. I guess I was hungrier than I thought as I polish off the last of the Kung Pao Shrimp. He keeps trying to feed me, using chopsticks. He’s getting sauce all over my face, which of course gives him an excuse to lick my face and steal a few kisses. I’m glad his mood has improved and he seems happy. I’m starting to eat my extra eggrolls, and he can’t resist kidding me about it and my waistline.

“Wow, you’re actually going to eat all those greasy eggrolls?”

I lunge at him, but he’s too fast. He knew that would get to me, but he also knows that I love crispy eggrolls. It’s just another one of my favorite foods that I deny liking, but then I end up eating Justin’s when he’s not looking. I chase him into the bedroom, and soon we’re both laughing, spread out on the bed in each other’s arms.

I can’t help playing with his hair, loving the way it feels running through my fingers.  My hand slips back behind his neck and I pull him towards me, kissing him tenderly. Today has been an emotional roller-coaster, but he’s back to his playful self and through all the tears and kisses we seem to be closer than ever before. I’d like to stay right here and make love to him long and slow. But it’s been a long day, and we still have to drive back to Britin and pack for New York.

TBC…

Title: Heartbreaking Kisses…

Story Type: AU

Word Count: 4278

Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary:  Brian and Justin confess their deep dark secrets they’ve been hiding for so long…

Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Twenty ~ Heartbreaking Kisses

Justin lies across their bed king size bed, smoking a joint as he watches Brian meticulously pack his designer suit, shirts, ties and shoes. He questions why Brian needs multiple pairs of shoes to wear with his suits, but far be it for him to understand the needs of a fashion queen. He’s reminded of his mom when he was younger and she’d take him shopping with her, picking out outfits and holding them up against herself while looking in the mirror. Yes, his husband is a fashionista, nothing but the best for him.

Once Brian is done packing his suitcases he lines them up against the wall of the bedroom. Then he takes Justin’s and opens it up to inspect Justin’s selections. He pulls out a pair of worn-out blue jeans then some faded t-shirts.

“Justin! This looks like you packed your dirty clothes.”

“They’re comfortable. I love those jeans.”

“No. Sorry. You can’t wear these clothes in Manhattan.”

Brian proceeds to dump Justin’s suitcase on the bed next to him and starts opening drawers, and pulling things out of the closet. He selects two nice pairs of jeans, one black, and one stonewashed light blue. Brian rifles through his t-shirt drawer holding up one after another, dropping them on the floor.

“These all need to be burnt, they’re horrible.”

“I paint in those.”

“Okay. Then keep them in your studio. I don’t want them touching my clothes.”

“Yeah. They might get diseased.”

“I’m taking you shopping as soon as we get to New York, your wardrobe is worse than I thought.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my clothes.”

“I can’t be seen with you wearing these rags. Everyone will think I picked up some rent boy down on the corner.”

Smirking, Justin replies, “I believe it was under a streetlamp.”

“We’re not doing the gay version of Pretty Woman.”

“Oh, wouldn’t that be fun! We are staying in the penthouse, right?”

Brian scratches his chin. “Listen, Pretty Boy, I have a reputation to uphold. They know me at The Four Seasons.”

“I bet they do. Up close and personal!”

“Behave!”

“I’ll tell them that you’re my rich uncle, or would you prefer Sugar-Daddy?”

“I see you’re in the mood for a spanking tonight.”

Justin bats his eyelashes, and rolls over on his stomach wiggling his ass.

Brian groans, as his pants grow tighter.

He quickly starts folding shirts, pants and sweaters, packing Justin’s suitcase. He already has Justin’s suit with his in his garment bag. He looks at Justin’s shoes and makes a face, then shakes his head.

“Yeah, we’re definitely spending a couple of days shopping to upgrade your wardrobe.”

“I bet you secretly played with your sister’s Barbie’s. Changing their outfits, and redressing them when you were young.”

“No. But I may have had a hand in dressing and undressing a few young boys in my youth.”

“And in my youth as well…”

“Yes, well your days of dressing like a homeless teenager are about to come to an abrupt halt.”

“Brian… I’m not that bad.”

“Well then, you’ll just be better once I’m through.”

“I guessing this isn’t an argument that I’m likely to win.”

“Don’t even try.”

“Now that you’ve sorted through and repacked my suitcase, are you planning on stopping by Emmett’s and reviewing his clothing choices?”

“No. But I’ll make sure Theodore gives them the once over. Teddy’s taste in clothing choices has greatly improved since he started working for me. He’s actually looking fashionable these days at business meetings.”

“How proud you must be.”

“You really are begging for a spanking, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Did you smoke that whole joint?”

Justin nods his head yes, grinning like a playful kitten.

After he finishes packing everything for their trip, Brian strips off his clothing, placing them in the hamper. Then he comes and sits on the bed next to his now naked and very sexy husband. He runs his hand down his back, loving how it dips and then curves over his perfect ass. Justin lets out a sigh, feeling Brian’s fingers caress him then pushing between his cheeks. Brian’s gentle touch is sending signals to his groin as he lifts up, making Brian’s finger dip further in, breaching his rosebud.

Brian squirts a dollop of lube on his fingers, and slowly circles his pucker, stretching him open. Justin’s now moaning, relaxing into his touch as he slides in another finger, fluttering them as he pushes deeper. Brian’s fingertip strokes Justin’s prostate as all those beautiful sensations start to vibrate through him.

Brian leans down, kissing and licking his neck, whispering how much he loves him. Nibbling on his ear, Justin shivers with anticipation loving how tender Brian is being with him. After all the drama earlier in the day it’s nice to take things slow, enjoying each and every touch. Justin turns his head and Brian brushes their lips together.

Barely audible Justin whispers, “Brian…”

Brian kisses his way back around his neck and shoulders, and then down his spine, as his hands glide down his sides. When Brian pulls Justin’s hips up until he’s on his knees, his legs naturally fall apart beckoning for Brian to fill him. Brian takes a moment to admire Justin’s backside as he coats himself, then slowly slides into his sweet prince until he’s fully embedded.

Moans escape Justin’s throat as his body adjusts and welcomes the intrusion. Soon he feels the slow pace of Brian’s hips as they start their magical dance. Each back and forth movement builds upon the previous one, and soon their bodies are rocking together as waves of pleasure start to resonate. They’re both lost in the rhythm as intense pleasure spirals through them, until they fall over the edge in unison. Afterwards they lie in one another’s arms as the stress of the day dissolves away, and all they feel is the love they’ve felt from that very first night together.

Once Justin’s asleep Brian quietly untwines himself from him, and heads to his office to check his e-mail and the art department’s progress on the boards for Dandy Lube. He answers Ted and Cynthia’s e-mails, and then checks his briefcase to make sure he has everything he’ll need for the conference. He grins, proud that Kinnetik is being honored for several ad campaigns, and he’s feeling positive that they’ll win a Clio. He’s also heard a rumor that Kinnetik will be receiving the Newcomer of the Year Award for the best new advertising company in the Eastern United States.

When he returns to the bedroom an hour later he finds Justin in full panic attack mode, hyperventilating uncontrollably. He flies across the room and wraps him up in his arms, rocking him gently, calming him, letting him know that he’s there now, and that everything’s going to be okay.

“Ssssh… Nice deep breaths… I’m right here…”

“That’s it… I’ve got you… You’re okay… Just breathe…”

Finally Justin’s breathing slows, and his tears start. He buries his face in Brian’s chest, as he tries to hold onto reality. Brian continues to rock him gently, rubbing circles on his back.

“That’s it… You’re doing great…”

Justin loosens his vise-like grip on Brian, as his heart rate slows down.

“I’m sorry…”

“No… There’s nothing to be sorry about…”

Justin’s lip trembles, as he ducks his head back into Brian’s chest. Brian was worried earlier, hoping that all of today’s revelations wouldn’t set him off. He kisses the top of Justin’s head and waits, hoping that he’ll talk to him. Yes, things have definitely changed between them. He now wants Justin to talk, and moreover, he wants to listen. He needs to understand what Justin’s going through, if they’re ever going to be able to get past all this.

“I feel so stupid…”

“Don’t. You obviously have unresolved feelings. Maybe if you told me about them?”

“I can’t.”

“I’m right here. You know you can tell me anything, right? Remember, no more secrets. We’re in this together.”

“But I never wanted anyone to know… I didn’t, I didn’t do it… And no one ever knew…”

Brian kisses his head again, and holds him tight, letting him know that he’s safe.

“Whatever it is, it can’t hurt you now.”

“I don’t want you to be upset with me, or to be mad at me.”

“I won’t. This isn’t your fault… Justin, please don’t shut me out.”

Justin takes a deep breath, wiping the tears from his eyes as he looks up at Brian.

“I was in a really bad place. I couldn’t cope with everything. I just wanted to escape, to stop feeling.”

Brian holds him close, pressing his lips to his forehead.

“It’s okay. I promise it’s going to be okay.”

“When I was in the hospital I felt so lost. I needed you so badly. I loved you so much.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I love you too.”

“Then when I came home, and I saw you. You said that I’d see you again, and I did the next day, out front of my mom’s condo. But then you left, you didn’t even say good bye.”

“Oh, Justin…”

“I had to see you, and it was so hard for me as I struggled, totally freaking out, being on the streets all alone. Then when I finally reached the loft, you… You didn’t want to see me.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“You just closed the door on me. I stood there calling for you, pounding on the door. But you wouldn’t talk to me, you just ignored me. I felt like I was dying. Then I had to walk home, even more freaked out than I was before.”

“Oh, Justin. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

“I couldn’t believe you didn’t want me, that you didn’t love me anymore. I couldn’t believe that it was over, and I meant nothing to you.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“I do now. But then I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, and I couldn’t breathe.”

“When I got home my emotions were all over the place, and I wished I was dead. I felt so all alone, and my headache was becoming unbearable.”

“I laid on the bed feeling depressed. Then my eyes shifted to my nightstand, and I saw all my prescription bottles. There were so many. It would be so easy, and I felt so hopeless. It actually seemed like a totally reasonable thing to do.”

Brian’s grip on Justin tightens as he whispers, “Oh God, no, no, please, no….”

“My head hurt so much. I needed to turn off the light because it was making me nauseous. I tripped on the area rug and fell to the floor. I just laid there praying my head would stop throbbing. I tried to reach the night stand, realizing I missed taking my last dosage of meds. When I finally reached it, I couldn’t get the damn top off the bottle. I struggled and when I finally got it loose all the fucking pills flew all over the place. Then I just gave up and laid on the floor with my eyes closed.”

“I think I passed out from all the pain and when my mom found me she totally panicked. I’m pretty sure she thought I tried to OD. She started picking them up and counting them. She never said anything, but I know she thought it, and of course I could have very easily. Hell, I was going to, but seeing her panicked and upset I knew I couldn’t do that to her. But it didn’t make the pain in my heart go away, and I still felt like I wanted to die.”

“I don’t know why I dreamed about that tonight. But it seemed so real. I was right back there, and I felt so desperate, like I couldn’t go on without you. I could feel all the pain, and not the just pain in my head, but the pain in my heart. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t come and bring me back home, back to the loft.”

Brian pulls him even closer, holding him tight.

“I’m so glad you didn’t do it. I don’t think I could have gone on if you did. I was barely holding on as it was.”

“I know, and it wasn’t your fault. I know my mom asked you to leave, and never see me again. But I still felt rejected, unloved and all alone.”

“Oh God, Justin. I never should have agreed… It’s just that I… I still felt like everything was my fault. I thought maybe she was right.”

“So why did you come back for me?”

“Because I loved you. Because she realized that you needed me. Because she asked me for my help. Because I was dying inside just like you were. Because I needed you, maybe even more than you needed me.”

“I’m sorry, Brian. I’m sorry everything fell apart. I’m sorry I lost my ability to read you, to understand you and to know what you needed.”

“Ssssh. It’s not your fault. I was an asshole, I treated you badly. I’m surprised you stayed as long as you did.”

“I’m sorry I left you. I regretted it the moment I did it, and I was too scared you wouldn’t take me back.”

“I was too proud to ask you to stay.”

“We really are quite a pair…”

“We were both totally fucked up at the time.”

“Justin, promise me you’ll never ever think about doing something like that again. Promise me you’ll always talk to me. That you’ll always let me know what you’re going through.”

“I promise.”

Brian just holds him in his arms, feeling like he never wants to let him go. The silence is almost unbearable, and then Justin asks the question Brian never expected to hear.

“Brian. Have you ever felt that bad? Felt like you didn’t want to go on. That you just wanted to end it all?”

Brian’s mind reels, but he knows he has to come clean. Justin’s telling him all his deep dark secrets, so it’s time he did the same.

“Justin… I think we’ve all felt hopeless and depressed at times. I’m no different. I’ve had my moments over the years.”

Justin looks up at him, and their eyes meet.

“But you never actually attempted anything, right?”

Brian turns his head, but Justin puts his hand on his chin and makes him look at him.

“Yeah. I’ve come close a few times. You know my childhood was totally fucked up. I used to think I would be better off dead.”

“Brian…”

“The first time I was pretty young, about six, and my parents just wrote it off as being a stupid kid. I hated being so frightened of my dad, never knowing when he would turn on me and use me as a punching bag. One evening I heard him coming up the stairs, walking towards my bedroom. I quickly locked the door, and hid under my bed. But his pounding on the door was so loud, and I just thought why not? So I opened the window and jumped, landing on the cement driveway. But it was only a two story house, and I just ended up breaking my arm and collarbone. The doctors at the hospital questioned my parents for hours, and of course there was hell to pay when we got home.”

“Oh my God! You were so young.”

Justin hugs him, a little shocked that a child would ever feel so helpless.

“The second time was about ten years later. You know about my coach. But I never told anyone that it happened more than just that first time. I was athletic, and played most sports. I was good, but it also gave me a way to avoid going home. I spent a lot of time with Steven, that was coach’s name. I know I was young, and looking back on it now, it probably was molestation.”

“But at the time it didn’t feel like that. It was the first time that anyone ever made me feel loved, or special. He paid attention to me, and I was so desperate for anyone to make me feel worthy. And the sex, oh God, the sex was great. I loved fucking and it made me feel so damn good. We carried on for two years, and I was in love with him. I thought he was in love with me. I was a dreamy eyed teenager, and I was a fool.”

“I was just a diversion for him, a sexual toy to play with and nothing more. He was married, and in the closet. I thought that he was going to leave his wife, and that we’d live happily ever after. Then one afternoon near the end of the school year, we were fooling around in his van at the local state park. Afterwards he tells me that he can’t see me anymore. That he’s accepted a new job in Harrisburg and he’s moving away the next week. I was panicked. I felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. I felt like I was dying, and I couldn’t go on.”

“Of course I begged him not to end it. I called him, and pleaded with him. I told him I loved him, that I needed him. Then one day when I called I got a recording saying his phone was disconnected and I felt so abandoned. Being into sports I didn’t really do a lot of drugs at the time, but I knew a lot of kids and it wasn’t hard to get something. So one night I was alone driving my dad’s car and I decided to enter the expressway going the wrong direction, and it didn’t take long. The next thing I knew I was in the hospital. Amazingly I wasn’t dead, just really banged up, with both my legs broken and lots of bruises. They tested my blood for alcohol and drugs, and found Quaaludes in my system. The doctors wrote the whole incident off as teenage drug abuse.”

“Oh my God, Brian! I can’t believe you did that. I can’t believe you weren’t killed.”

“I know! It was the perfect plan, but I still screwed it up!”

“Brian! That is totally fucked up! Thank God, you didn’t die!”

“Ssssh… It’s okay, it was a long time ago.”

Justin shakes his head, totally distraught by Brian’s revelations. But he also realizes that this was a turning point for Brian, his first love broke his heart. No wonder he closed his heart off, and refused to allow his emotions to ever show. Thinking about it, Justin realizes that maybe the reason Brian was so adamant that they weren’t a couple, was that he didn’t want him to get hurt. He didn’t want him to go through all the pain he felt falling in love the first time. In Brian’s own fucked up way he was trying to protect him, as well as himself.

“Then the last time was just a couple years ago.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? There was another attempt!”

“Hey. Calm down. I’m okay now.”

“BRIAN! I can’t calm down!”

“Sssh… Do you want me to stop? Is this too much to hear?”

“No. No, I want to hear everything. I want you to tell me everything.”

“So, the next time I denied it was a suicide attempt. But looking back now, I realize that it probably was. I had some stupid ideas of what life should be, and how I should live. Of course you know all about that.”

Justin’s staring at him.

“Did we know each other then?”

“Yeah. I really thought at the time it was just sex, about getting off. I had heard all the rumors about how it was the greatest orgasm you’ll ever have. Blah, blah, blah…”

“Oh, God! No Fucking Way!”

“It was the same night as Mikey’s going away party, but of course I didn’t own a flannel shirt. So I couldn’t go.”

“Smart Ass!”

“I was drunk, and pretty stoned. Lindsay and I had been shopping, she pleaded with me not to move to New York. At that time I didn’t know the job offer fell through, and maybe that was one of the compounding factors. Well that and turning thirty, because back then turning thirty meant you were basically invisible to everyone. I had convinced myself that I wasn’t young and beautiful anymore. I was so superficial back then.”

Justin thinks, back then? But he has to admit that Brian’s grown up a lot since then.

“So I bought this beautiful white silk scarf, you know the one. I wore it to your prom. I climbed up on a chair and strung it over one of the beams in the loft. I secured it in place and tied a noose, placing it around my neck. I wasn’t very stable on the chair and I slipped while I was jerking off. Just then Michael came barging into the loft, demanding to know why I didn’t come to his party. He saw me, and got me down as I was gasping for breath, while being angry with him at the same time.”

“You fucking asshole! Christ, Brian! How could you?”

“Like you said. At the time I thought it was a reasonable thing to do.”

“I don’t know what I’d have done if you died. I probably would have killed myself too.”

“Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that!”

Brian looks away, realizing how devastating it would have been for Justin.

“Anyways, Michael in his mixed up and twisted mind thought I did it because I couldn’t live without him, that I didn’t want him to move to Portland.”

“Typical Michael, he always thinks everything is about him. But I have to give him credit for saving your life. It’s probably the only time his barging into the loft was a good thing.”

“Yeah, but at the time I didn’t think so.”

“So that’s it, right? You haven’t contemplated it since then, have you?”

Brian takes a deep breath…

“Almost…”

“Brian…”

“After you left… I, I had convinced myself that it was for the best, that I was no good for you. But when I’d come home the loft was so quiet and empty. I felt so all alone. I never thought that I’d allow myself to feel that way again, but my heart was breaking and I was so overwhelmed with losing you. I had been in denial about how much I loved you, and what you meant to me.”

“Then I’d see you with him, walking down the street, holding hands, laughing together. You looked so in love, and I just couldn’t cope. I spent so much time drinking and drugging, even going to the baths on my lunch hour, and in the evenings taking a dozen tricks to the backroom. But nothing helped the pain go away. I hated him. I still hate him. I’ll always hate him. I never understood what you saw in him. And I just couldn’t let go. I was so in love with you.”

“Of course, Michael and everyone just assumed I felt nothing. That what we had didn’t mean anything, and it was just business as usual. But I was dying inside every time I’d see you with him. After the first few weeks, I stopped going out. I just stayed home and drowned my sorrows in whisky and coke. Several times I passed out stone-cold. It was a fucking miracle I ever woke up. It was Vic who finally took me aside and told me to get my shit together. He helped me get through my darkest days, but my broken heart never really healed. I just learned to hide it better. Just another emotion that I buried deep down inside.”

Now Justin is crying uncontrollably, they hold each other letting all the pent-up emotions flow.

“Oh God, Brian! I hurt you so badly. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I fucked up big time.”

“We both did. We both made a lot of mistakes, but now you know everything. And you know what? It actually feels good having told you. I don’t have to carry it around anymore. So please don’t beat yourself up, and don’t feel guilty. It’s time we both forgave ourselves and let it go.”

“I love you, Brian. I love you so much!”

“I love you too. I always have…”

“So that’s it, right? No more confessions? No more conscious or unconscious suicide attempts?”

“Yeah. But it’s probably just the tip of the iceberg, as far as all the issues we need to get out in the open. But let’s wait until we return from New York before we have any more serious talks.”

“Sounds good, and Brian, I know how hard that was for you to confide in me. So thank you for letting me know. Thank you for trusting me enough, and letting me in. It really means so much to me.”

“Me too, I needed you to know. There’s so many things I should have shared with you before now.”

“You will. When you’re ready, you will.”

They’re both exhausted, so Brian lays down on his back and pulls Justin into his arms. They start kissing slowly, softly. It not sexual. It’s about the connection they feel as they hold one another, and all the love they share. Shortly thereafter, they drift off to sleep feeling safe in each other’s arms.

TBC…

Title: Big Kisses, Bright Lights…
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 5868
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: BigJ52
Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Getting away to New York is just what everyone needed. Then Emmett and Justin have fun playing tourist, while Brian and Ted bask in the accolades of their peers.


Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Twenty One ~ Big Kisses, Bright Lights

Brian sleeps in for the first time in months, completely relaxed, getting the sleep he’s neglected for so long. I look over at my sleeping husband, he looks so serene and relaxed, finally at peace with his inner demons. I slip out of bed, resolute that from now on I’ll show Brian just how much he’s loved, and appreciated. That he can trust in me, and I’ll always stand by his side. Brian will never have to worry about being abandoned or feel unworthy of love again.





Last night Brian was so open and honest with me about his feelings, and it feels like a real turning point in our relationship. I’m still reeling from all the things I’ve learned, some things I already knew, but the confirmation was greatly appreciated. Some things I have always hoped for, but thought I’d never hear. While other things took me by surprise, even shocked me. But I’m so grateful to now know the truth, helping me understand Brian even more than before.

The biggest revelation was learning more about Brian’s coach, Steven and their relationship. It seems Brian’s strict polices of ‘no repeats’, ‘I don’t believe in love - I only believe in fucking’, and ‘never go after anyone’ was Brian’s defense mechanism kicking in after his heartbreaking romance with Steven. As if his parents hadn’t done enough damage to him growing up, Steven firmly instilled in him, his belief that you can’t trust anyone with your feelings. That you’re the only one you have, the only one you can count on.

But I’d broken through all those walls Brian had built around his heart. Brian broke all his personal rules for me that first year, until one beautifully romantic night when Brian felt he could show me his true feelings. But that moment was taken away from us in a matter of seconds with the swing of a bat. It’s now taken us another four years to start to repair the damage that it caused. But now that Brian’s secure enough to open his heart and reveal his fears, I’m determined to never let Brian return to that deep dark place again. I’m determined to show Brian that love is a beautiful thing.

I finish packing my art case with all my paints, brushes, charcoals, pencils and sketch pads. I’ll buy canvases in New York once we get there. I can’t wait to spend a couple of afternoons in Central Park. I refill my coffee cup and pour one for Brian, then I make my way to the master bedroom. Leaning down, I place a kiss on Brian’s cheek.

“Good Morning, sleepy head.”

Brian opens his eyes and yawns, looking at the clock, surprised that it’s almost eleven.

“Justin! Why did you let me sleep so late?”

“Because you needed your rest.”

“But I wanted to teleconference with Ted during the staff meeting.”

“I know. I spoke with him, and guess what? He ran the staff meeting just fine without you.”

“Are you saying I’m not needed?”

“Oh, you’re needed alright. Just not by your staff.”

I climb up and straddle him, running kisses up his chest to his neck.

“Justin! You’re going in the wrong direction, and you have way too many clothes on.”

I look down at myself. “So I do… But I can change that.”

I stand and pull my t-shirt over my head, then I wiggle out of my jeans.

“Better?”

“Much. Now come here.”

I climb back on top of Brian again, grazing our erections across one another, eliciting a deep moan from Brian.

Leaning down I capture Brian’s lips, kissing him gently. Feeling his breath on my skin sends shivers through me. I reach into the drawer removing a bottle of lube, squirting a generous amount onto my palm. I bring our lips together again, as my hand reaches between us to encompass Brian’s cock. I spread the gel from the base to the tip. Brian’s breath hitches momentarily from the feel of the cool gel. I align myself, lowering myself onto Brian’s member.

“I love it when you take control.”

I smile, loving all the sensations as I take all of Brian into me. My eyes become hooded as I slowly rise up and down, riding my husband. Little moans of pleasure escape my throat. I throw my head back as I increase my downward thrusts.

“Oh, Brian…”

Brian loves watching all the subtle expressions on my face, as I drive myself closer and closer to fruition. Soon I’m overcome with sensations as I lose control, coming across my chest. Just the sight takes Brian right along with me. I collapse, resting in Brian’s arms as we both ride out the waves of pleasure pulsating through us.

“God, you’re so beautiful. I love watching you as you cum. Your lower lip does this quivering thing right before you shoot.”

I babble something incoherent, slightly drooling on his chest.

Brian runs his fingers through my golden hair, as I float in my cum cloud until I return to Earth.

~~~

Later that afternoon, after we’ve checked into the penthouse, we find ourselves at Up Thai. It has a five-star review from the New York Times, and Brian insists that we try it for lunch. I can already tell we’re going be on a tour of fine dining over the next few days, so much for Mr. I don’t eat carbs, blah, blah, blah… Afterwards we take a walk through Central Park. I knew the park was big and beautiful, but I have to say it’s really big and really beautiful! We both already know that I’ll probably be spending time here painting and sketching.

There are so many things to do in the city. I’m making a list so Emmett and I can check them out while Brian and Ted attend the conference. I could spend every day at the museums alone, but I know Em will want to see more of the tourist sites, while Brian won’t want to see any of them. And of course I have to leave one afternoon open to visit Grandma Roxy. We sit and people watch or I do anyways, while Brian is on his phone with Ted and Cynthia, coordinating schedules and checking his email.

We pass an ice cream vendor walking back through the park, and I’m surprised when Brian actually agrees to have a small vanilla cone. I can’t help joking about how it’s probably the only thing vanilla about him. While I love chocolate, he loves vanilla ice cream. It’s an opposites attract thing. We flag down a taxi cab, and arrive just in time for our appointment with Brian’s tailor to see the latest fashions. He can never have too many suits, and apparently he thinks that’s true for me as well. I guess he has plans on taking me out on the town, and out of town traveling in the future.

It’s just like in the movies. We sit in comfortable yet sleek modern chairs, as a half dozen gorgeous models walk the runway in designer suits. He’s drooling over the fashions, while I’m drooling over the models. I can’t help thinking all the suits look basically the same, but he can see each and every tuck, pleat and collar notch that’s slightly different from the others. He spends an exorbitant amount of money on the both of us, and I have to admit I look damn good all decked out. An hour later, after many adjustments, and chalk marks noting all the alterations needed so everything fits just right, finally we’re finished.

Or so I thought, until we begin phase two. He’s now making me try on practically everything in the store. Dress and casual shirts, as well as designer ties, along with a half dozen pairs of shoes. He actually allows me to buy a new pair of sneakers, red high-tops, even though I know he hates them. He’s also picked out dozens of shirts, casual slacks, jeans, and even several t-shirts. Who would have thought t-shirts could cost over a hundred dollars apiece? Of course I’m not allowed to paint in them, or even enter my studio in them, for fear of getting stains on them.





I’m exhausted and grateful when the taxi pulls up to Pepolino’s Ristorante. I know Brian’s splurging, treating me to authentic Italian food, even if it is now past seven. He says the chef is from Tuscany and he has a five-star rating. Yes, he so loves me. We’re having a drink in the bar while we wait for a table, and I notice someone eyeing Brian. I can tell just by the way he’s looking at him that he’s one of Brian’s past indiscretions.

He approaches our table. “Brian Kinney? I thought that was you.”

Brian glances at him. I know he recognizes the guy, but Brian just stares at him like he’s a stranger. It’s obvious that Brian really dislikes this guy, but he doesn’t seem to notice Brian’s contempt.

“It’s Adam, Adam Lyons. You remember, from Kennedy and Combs. We met back in 2000.”

“Ah, yes.”

He still doesn’t stand or shake Adam’s hand. Adam introduces Lenny Montrose and they both sit down and join us, much to Brian’s dismay. Irritated, Brian introduces me as his partner. Adam’s openly flirting with Brian. He keeps touching his hand and arm, saying they’ll have to get together for dinner one evening, just the two of them.

“I don’t think I’ll have the time. Justin and I already have plans.”

But Adam just keeps pushing. I’m racking my brain because I know I’ve heard this guy’s name before. That’s when it hits me. Brian interviewed with Kennedy and Combs, sure he would be offered a job here in New York, but it fell through.

Brian puts his arm around my shoulders, subconsciously running his fingers through my hair, while his other hand is playing with my wedding band.

“Surely you’re not still upset about not being offered that job?”

“Not in the least. It actually worked out for the best.”

Just then a distinguished man approaches our table, who greets Adam in an authoritative manner and then says, “You must be Brian Kinney. I was always sorry you weren’t able to interview with us. Maybe if you had, we could have stolen you away from Ryder and Pittsburgh.”

Glaring at Adam, Brian shakes his hand. “Yes, it’s a shame I didn’t meet you before now.”

“If you had, you’d be working with us, creating all those genius ad campaigns. It’s truly our loss. Well, I just wanted to congratulate you on opening Kinnetik. Your Brown Athletics campaign is sure to win a Clio Award.”

“Thank You, Mr. Kennedy. It was nice meeting you.”

“Please, call me Paul. Well, I’m sure I’ll see you at the conference.”

Brian sits back down and it’s obvious he thinks even less of Adam, now learning that he totally played him.

“Brian. I can explain.”

Brian holds up his hand. “Don’t. Like I said, it worked out for the best.”

Just then the maître d’ approaches us to let us know our table is ready. Adam asks if Brian would like them to join us. “No, my husband and I have a romantic dinner planned for tonight.”
I practically squeal. Brian is being so sweet, and I love how he’s putting Adam in his place without being totally rude. I’m totally in awe of how he’s acknowledging me and our relationship, making me feel like a million bucks. God, I love this man of mine.

~~~




After leaving the restaurant, we walk hand in hand a few blocks back to our hotel. Everything about this city is exciting, and I’m feeling totally romantic. When we enter our suite, there’s a vase of blue orchids and a bucket of champagne waiting for us. I’m overwhelmed, as it’s exactly the same type of orchid we had at our small and very private wedding. Who says Brian Kinney doesn’t do romance? I’m feeling totally giddy, as he takes me in his arms kissing and nibbling my neck, ending with a swipe of his tongue across my ear.

He opens the champagne and we toast to our four-month anniversary. I wonder if he plans on celebrating every month. I could get used to this romantic side of him. He looks happy and it’s great to see him smile. I’m always amazed by how beautiful his smile is. It’s not something I saw very often the first few years of our relationship, and I doubt it’s something he ever shows to others.

The champagne bubbles tickle my nose, as the alcohol tickles my brain.

“I love you, Mr. Taylor-Kinney.”

“I love you too, Brian.”

“I don’t know why I resisted you for so long, it’s not like I wasn’t in love with you.”

“It’s okay. I knew you loved me, even if you couldn’t tell me.”

“I’m telling you now.”

“Thank you, because sometimes I just need to hear it.”

Brian tackles me, pinning me to the mattress. “I love you, you little twat.”

I’m like putty in his hands, and each touch of his fingertips feels like velvet on my skin, and his lips are like silk.

We lie on the bed, as he slowly and gently kisses me as my need for him grows. I wrap my legs around his waist, loving the feeling of our erections caressing each other. We’re creating a slick puddle against our bellies as we grind together. He reaches for the bottle of lube, and coats my pucker. He slips his fingers in circling my rosebud, once I’m stretched open he glides deep into me.

Our dance starts out slow, as I feel him gliding against my tight walls and then he nudges my prostate. He rocks me in his arms, continuingly bumping my prostate, as small vibrations start to build. Soon he’s thrusting deeper, prodding harder and it isn’t long before I’m right at the brink. He slides his hands around my bubble butt and pulls me closer to him, as he stabs my sweet spot until I explode. My muscles clench and squeeze him, pulling him right along with me as we both fall over the edge and into sexual ecstasy.

I drift off to sleep in his arms, with him still inside me. It’s my favorite way to fall asleep. I feel so connected to him especially since we stopped using condoms. I can’t help thinking back to the only conversation we’ve ever had about Ethan. I was practically begging him to ask me to stay, to tell me that he loved me. He sarcastically asked me how big his cock was. I told him it wasn’t about that. That Ethan loved me, and he wasn’t afraid to tell me. With Ethan it wasn’t about sex. There wasn’t any marathon fucks that lasted until daybreak, and I was never sore the next day, barely able to walk. God, I still can’t believe I thought that hearing those three words was love, instead of realizing that Brian’s actions spoke volumes about how he felt.

I just hope that eventually we can put this behind us once and for all. I know I hurt him badly, deeper than I ever realized, and we probably need to explore why I felt so insecure. Because he was trying, really trying to show me how much he loved me, but I was so confused at the time I couldn’t see it.

~~~

“Good morning, Sunshine!”

I wake to him sitting next to me, placing butterfly kisses all over my face, with his beard slightly rough against my face. I smell coffee, and when I look over at the nightstand I see he’s also ordered me a cheese Danish. I lean up and kiss him deeply, and then motion for him to bring my breakfast tray closer.

Sorry, sex will have to wait until later when we hit the showers. He chuckles and opens his laptop. Soon he’s on the phone with Ted and they’re rehashing his presentation for the conference. I grab my sketch pad, and sit near the huge windows looking out over the Manhattan skyline. Soon the skyscape is taking shape across my paper in shades of blue and grey, with an orange glow of the sun rising, shining through the architectural details of the rooftops.

Once we’re showered and dressed, my stomach growls, signaling that my Danish was just an early morning snack, and I’m in need of something more substantial. Brian steers me away from the hotel café saying that the hotel is already filling up with the convention attendees and he’d rather we didn’t have to play nice with everyone, at least until the conference starts. So he scoots me out the door, and down the block to a small restaurant reminiscent of the Liberty diner.

I indulge in a stack of buttermilk pancakes with real maple syrup and bacon, while Brian drinks his triple strength latte and reads the New York Times. I read through the tourist guide that the hotel manager gave me, and Brian snaps at me to use the app on my phone. He doesn’t want it to be obvious that I’m a tourist. I think it’s sweet he’s worried about me. But he keeps going on about getting mugged, and being in a strange city, so I finally agree to text him every time I change locations. I figure after the fourth or fifth text, he’ll probably turn his phone off or just ignore me. Ted and Emmett’s flight will be in this afternoon, so in the meantime Brian drags me out shopping, again.

But when we end up at an art supply store, I pick out a collapsible easel and several small canvases. Brian, of course, is checking out the leather satchels. As hard as I try to explain to him that a canvas bag would be better, he refuses to even consider it, even though it will probably get paint on it. He packs all the supplies in it making sure everything fits, after paying the cashier. He actually flags down a cab and takes me to MOMA. I figured he’d leave the museum excursions to me and Em. I get that giddy feeling, excited that he’s doing this for me when I know he’d rather be almost any place else.

I try and not spend too much time viewing each exhibit, making a mental note as to which ones I’d really like to revisit and spend more time contemplating the artist’s work. I can tell when he’s getting restless, as he’s texting away on his phone instead of appreciating the paintings. Now that I’ve had a peek at all the great artwork, I’m getting inspired to start painting myself.

Ted calls to let us know that he and Emmett are just leaving the airport and they’ll meet us at the hotel. It’s perfect timing, because of course I’m starving again. So after they check in we’re off to another one of Brian’s list of must visit restaurants. We stuff ourselves at Dinosaur Bar-B-Que in the old Meatpacking district. The pork ribs are so tender and sweet, the meat just falls off the bones. Brian orders a big salad, and then proceeds to help me eat my greasy ribs, smothered in a secret barbeque sauce that is to die for.

Afterwards we split up and take separate taxis. Brian and Ted are off to the convention center, while Emmett and I head to Bloomingdales. We somehow end up in the fine china department, drooling over all the beautiful dishes that cost as much as dining room furniture. Emmett squeals, dreaming about completing the wedding registry application. There’s so many designs to look at, and originally we were just window shopping. But I get carried away with Emmett’s enthusiasm, and it dawns on me that Britin is a mansion, and as such, Brian and I need fine china for entertaining clients. Or at least that what’s I convince myself and hopefully Brian, when he sees the bill.

“Oh my God, Emmett! Isn’t this just beautiful?”

The L’Objet Lapis Dinnerware has caught my eye. It’s so beautiful, blue with gold trim.

“Justin, it says that it’s 24 carat gold! One coffee cup is $80.00 and the dessert plate is $250.00. It doesn’t even list what a place setting costs.”





At this point my eyes have glassed over, and the sales clerk appears to be drooling, they must work on commission. Although I can tell she questions whether I can afford them, she isn’t making any judgement calls just yet. Her ears perks up when I say, “Brian bought me a mansion for my wedding present, and we’ll need appropriate china in the dining room.”

“Of course you will.”

Now that she knows I’m a serious customer, and not just some fag who wandered into the fine dining section of the store, she’s more than willing to help out in any way she can.

“Will you need fine cutlery to match the china? We have some beautiful designs that will go perfectly with the gold trim.”

I turn to the sales clerk who now insists I call her Jane. “Yes, that’s a great idea.”

I find a simple, yet elegant design that won’t detract from the china. Then I mention that I’ll also need everyday dishes.”

“No problem, sir. Do you have anything specific in mind?”

“Something modern in design. I think Brian would like that.”

“You and Brian didn’t just move the dishes from the loft?”

“Well yes, two place settings and a few pots and pans. We’re keeping the loft so we’ll be needing to stock the new kitchen so I can cook there. We did buy a fancy over-the-top coffee machine, so now Brian can have his lattes before he drives all the way into the city in the morning.”

“Yes. Lord forbid he not have his precious lattes in the morning.”

We both burst out laughing. “Oh Em! I like this design. It’s simple with thin bands of metallic silver around the edge.”

Emmett gushes. “Are those real diamonds?”

“No, of course not, dear. They’re Swarovski crystals.”

“Justin, do you really think of these as everyday dishes? Don’t you want something more practical, like Corelle?”

“Both Jane and I glare at Em, disgusted by the idea of Corelle. I’m just looking then I’ll narrow down my choices.”

I’ll try and remember all the designs I like.”

“I’m keeping a list for you to review.”

“Excellent idea. Thank you, Jane.”

We spend the next hour oohing and aahing over all the designs and I end up choosing Vera Wang and Wedgewood for everyday dishes, even though Em points out that they’re both actually fine china. I decide that we should have 24 place settings of the dining room china, and 12 place settings for everyday use. I order both sets complete with all the serving dishes, tea, and coffee pots, etc. Jane assures me that she can order extra/replacement pieces should I need to. I hand Jane my platinum America Express card, and arrange to have everything delivered to Britin. Jane practically squeals, loving that our estate actually has a name.

I call Brian to check in and casually mention that I ended up looking at dishes for Britin. I tell him how much I love the blue lapis china for the dining room, and that I picked Vera Wang dishes for the kitchen because I knew how much he’d love them. I remark that they’re a little expensive, but perfect for Britin, failing to mention the cost.

Later that night we attend the kickoff cocktail party, and buffet dinner. Brian and Ted schmooze with the high and mighty ad execs from the top agencies, while I make small talk, putting my country club manners to good use. Emmett keeps it low key, including his subdued suit he borrrowed from Ted, but he’s dressed it up with one of his colorful shirts and a dress tie. Brian’s in his element; it all comes so naturally for him, and it’s obvious why he’s done so well in the advertising world. After the convention activities end for the day we hit some of the hot nightclubs, dancing the night away, having the time of our lives.

The next day Emmett and I relax in Central Park, enjoying watching all the various people walking by. I set up my easel and paint for a while. We’re having a great time, munching on junk from the food vendors, picnicking on deli sandwiches and yummy treats from the local bakery. Later in the afternoon we find ourselves surrounded by one of those flash mobs protesting something. Even though they usually only gather for a short time, it totally starts to spook me. I still have a hard time in crowds, and it’s causing me to start hyperventilating.

Emmett quickly ushers me away from the crowd and sets me down in the bleachers, trying to calm me down. Even though there are only a few people sitting close by, they are there to watch a little league baseball practice. As soon as I see one of the players swing the bat, my mild anxiety turns into a full-blown panic attack. Brian is always been very protective of me and has kept me away from situations that might trigger one of my episodes.

Emmett isn’t sure what’s happening at first, but he quickly catches on as my breathing becomes rapid, and I start to collapse. The ambulance arrives quickly, but Emmett is at a loss. He knows I’m highly allergic to some medication, so he calls Ted but his calls keep rolling over to voice mail. Finally he calls the hotel and has Teddy paged, letting him know that we’re going to the hospital. The last thing Em wants to do is to alarm Brian, but he doesn’t know what else to do at this point.

I fight the EMTs, not wanting to go to the hospital, but they refuse to listen to me and insist I need to see a doctor. Emmett ends up calling my mom at the real estate office, and she speaks with the attending nurse, and finally the doctor on call. By the time a panicked Brian and Ted arrive, I’ve been moved to a private room and they’ve sedated me. By the way Brian is acting, both Ted and Emmett wonder if maybe Brian should be sedated too.

Finally after talking with my doctor, Brian settles down. He lies in bed with me holding me close, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead. Ted and Emmett know that Brian loves me, but seeing him in full protective mode is something that very few people are ever allowed to witness. People may say that Brian’s cold, uncaring, and aloof, but they’ve never seen him when he’s taking care of me. He’s gentle and nurturing, willing to do anything for me.

I slowly come around an hour later as the medication starts to wear off. Brian’s touch comforts me as the real world comes into focus. I’m confused when I realize I’m in the hospital, and worried about Brian, which of course is ridiculous. But’s that Brian and me for you, we’re both very protective of each other. I feel foolish for everyone making such a big fuss over me, but Brian’s extremely concerned about my health.

I want to leave the hospital right away, but Brian insists that I be examined by the doctor one more time. I know better than to challenge Brian when he’s in one of his moods, so I just let him order everyone around until he calms down, realizing that I’ve recovered and I’m back to normal. Needless to say, for the rest of the trip Brian has hired a car service (and a nurse, who he thinks I don’t know about) to drive me around and keep an eye on me.

Over the next couple of days Emmett and I hit all the popular sightseeing attractions, visit art museums and galleries, and even catch a matinée of an off-Broadway play. In the evenings we continue to check off more restaurants on Brian’s tour of fabulous chefs. Brian and I even escape for a couple of romantic moments just to ourselves. As the weekend approaches, I decide that it’s time to call Grandma Roxy, and make plans to visit with her the next afternoon.

As we pull up to the house, my memories of visiting as a child flash in my mind. She lives in a big brick house with lots of flower gardens, and an old treehouse in the backyard. She loves to cook and bake, so mom and I would spend hours together with her in the kitchen. I’m already happy I decided to come for a visit. I had forgotten how much fun I had as a kid. Of course my Grandma never liked my dad. She thought he was a pretentious asshole, and it turns out she was right.

She welcomes us into the house and it’s just like I remember, nothing’s really changed. This somehow comforts me. It’s so different from the faultless home I grew up in, with everything organized and in its place. Here it’s more eclectic, bohemian, reflecting her personality. Opening the door she welcomes us in. It’s obvious how happy she is to see us, as she offers us some iced tea. I help her in the kitchen as Emmett wanders around, looking at all the works of art and collectible toys displayed.

“So you brought your young man with you.”

“Grandma that’s not Brian, that’s Emmett.”

She’s slightly hard of hearing. “Emmett!”

“Yes.”

“No, not you, Em. I don’t think she has her hearing aids in.”

“Well he certainly is tall, and colorful.”

“Grandma. This is my good friend, Emmett. He’s not my husband.

“Oh. I thought your husband’s name was Brian.”

Justin shakes his head in frustration.

They enter the living room and Bruce Springsteen is playing in the background.

Emmett’s surprised. “You listen to Bruce Springsteen?”

“Oh yes. You know the E Street Band is from Asbury Park. I used to take your mother to free concerts in the park when she was in grade school.

“Really, Gram?”

Emmett’s already loving Justin’s Grandma. “Oh, that sounds like fun. I love going to concerts.”

“Oh, how I miss the good old days.”

“So, are you boys having fun in the city?”

Emmett gushes, “Oh yes, it’s incredible. The fabulous restaurants, museums and the shopping.”

“Oh, is this one of your new outfits? It’s very bright. It reminds me of the sixties. You wouldn’t believe the fashions we wore back then.”

“Yes, that’s what I’ve heard.”

“So… Do you boys smoke pot?”

“Grandma!”

“You know your mother was such a prude growing up, so prim and proper. Of course I quit smoking after she was born. But my friend Greta’s grandson has a growing license and she brought over a few joints last year, and it was like recapturing my youth.”

She opens the drawer in her China cabinet and takes out a small pipe and a tin of marijuana.

“Now careful, this stuff is pretty strong.”

“Oh, I love your Grandma. She’s so much fun.”

We spend the afternoon looking at old photo albums. “Here’s some pictures of your mom and dad just before they got married.”





“Oh, and here’s one of you from grade school. You always were so handsome.”





“Oh my God, Baby, you look so adorable. Has Brian seen this picture?”

“Em! Please! You’re worse than my mom.”

“Did you want this picture, honey? Here take it with you. You two should have it.”

Then she brings out her Super 8 projector and we watch home movies. After laughing at all the childhood clips of Mom and Aunt Betty, she puts on real footage of her and her friends at Woodstock. She regales us with stories of hearing Janis Joplin, The Who and Jefferson Airplane. Then she looks into the distance, lost in her memories, mumbling something about waking up to Jimi Hendrix playing the Star Spangled Banner. How it rained so hard that everyone was covered in mud and their clothes were sticking to them.

Emmett’s absolutely hanging on the edge of his seat, loving the stories about her wild youth. Just then the timer dings and soon we’re enjoying fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies and milk. This afternoon didn’t turn out anything like I had expected. Of course I had to promise not to mention any of this to my mom when I get home.

She sends us off with a Tupperware container full of cookies, an ounce of high-grade marijuana, along with a bootleg tape from Woodstock. She thanks me for visiting, and tells Emmett how nice it was to meet him. She congratulates me and Emmett, wishing us a long and happy marriage.

“Your Grandma Roxy is such a hoot! Nothing like your mom. Don’t get me wrong. I love your mom, she’s great. But she’s so different from your Grandma.”

“I think it was her way of rebelling by choosing someone like my father, who’s so different than her parents and the way she was raised. My grandparents always hated my dad, and of course he didn’t have anything nice to say about them either.”

It’s too bad Brian didn’t get a chance to meet her.”

“Yeah, I think he would really like her. I’ll have to make a point to visit her another time when we’re in New York.”

We get back to the hotel just before Brian and Ted return to our suite. The awards ceremony is tonight, and mine and Brian’s new suits are pressed and ready for the evening’s festivities. Of course Kinnetik wins several awards for different ad campaigns. I’m beaming with pride, as Brian accepts the little golden plaques and a small statue noting him as Advertising Executive of the year. Brian’s acceptance speech is gracious and poignant, not the usual arrogant Brian most people believe he is. He’s truly flattered by being acknowledged and praised for his hard work this last year, and Kinnetik’s success.

The rest of the evening is spent once again with Brian mingling, working the crowd and accepting everyone’s congratulations on his achievements. Once the formal dinner is over and the tables are cleared, we spend the night dancing to a small orchestra. Waiters are circulating with trays of champagne, but Brian doesn’t allow me to drink any alcohol, he’s worried about my health. It’s the final event of the convention, and Brian and Ted are exhilarated by all the praise and admiration everyone is bestowing on them. For Ted this is almost like an out of body experience, he’s never received so much praise before. But it’s nothing compared to how Brian plans on rewarding him once they’re back in Pittsburgh. Ted has really become Brian’s right-hand man, helping him put Kinnetik on the advertising map, as well as earning his place as Brian’s true best friend. Except for me, of course.

TBC…


Previous

Title: Kiss of Death
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 2841
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: BigJ52
Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Hell hath no fury like a fag scorned…


Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Twenty Two ~ Kiss of Death!


Brian leans forward and tells the driver to stop by the loft before they head out to Britin; he needs some files he left on his desk. A very sleepy Justin grunts as Brian slips out of the car and into the building. He takes the elevator up to the top floor, and notices the loft door is slightly ajar. He listens quietly for a minute and is shocked by what he hears. He could barge right in there and deal with this himself, but he’s had enough and it’s time to put an end to all of this bullshit. He pulls out his cell phone and dials 911, reporting a robbery in progress, asking them to come ASAP! 

He returns to the limo asking the driver to take Justin home. Something’s come up and he’ll be along as soon as he can. He’s thankful that Justin’s now sound asleep; he doesn’t want to worry or upset him. The police cars pull up just after the limo drives away. It’s after two in the morning, so Brian asked them to not blare their sirens. Besides he doesn’t want to give Michael a heads up, he wants him caught in the act.

Brian quietly pulls the door open and motions the officers towards the bedroom. Michael’s kneeling on the bed, frantically thrusting himself up and down on Brian’s extra-large butt plug called ‘The Torpedo.’ He has one of Brian’s designer silk ties wrapped around his cock, working his wrist wildly like a madman. 

“Briaaaan! Oh God, Briaaaan! Yes! Yes, that’s it! Oh God, I love you! I love you Brian! I always have, and I always will!”

Just then he shoots all over his chest and face. The cops just stand there in shock; they can’t believe what they’re seeing. This is no robbery. They’re not sure what this is, but one thing’s for sure, Michael’s going to jail. 

Suddenly Michael’s aware that he’s not alone. He opens his eyes and sees four cops surrounding him, pointing their weapons at him. Brian’s gone out into the hallway. He can’t look at him he’s so upset, but he wants to hear Michael’s explanation. No matter what he’ll be pressing charges.

“What the hell’s going on?”

“Put your hands up, you’re under arrest.”

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you can’t break into a private residence and invade my privacy.”

“I believe you’re the one breaking and entering.”

“I live here!”

“I don’t think so! Are you Brian Kinney?”

“He’s my husband. I live here.”

One of the cops turns towards the door. “Is this some kind of a joke, Mr. Kinney?”

“I’ve never seen him before in my life! Arrest him!”

“Brian! Brian! Tell them who I am!”

“I’m sorry? Who are you?”

“Brian! Brian!”

“Get up, and get dressed!”

“Brian, this isn’t funny!”

“I agree. Do you see me laughing?”

“Don’t do this! Ma is going to freak if you do this!”

One of the cops reaches over and pulls Michael off the bed. He squirms, trying to break free. Angrily he asks if he can take a shower first. 

“Get dressed now! Or will take you down to the precinct naked.”





Michael calls out to Brian for help, but he’s already left to file a formal complaint at the station. Michael grabs his closest clothes, a caption Astro t-shirt and a pair of ratty cut-offs. He’s wet and he stinks from all the cum that’s still running down his body. His clothes are sticking to him, and he’s never been more humiliated in his life. He makes one last plea, telling the policemen that they’ll be sorry, that his mom’s boyfriend is Detective Horvath.

Debbie’s phone rings at four o’clock in the morning. Carl’s not happy that he’s being woken up in the middle of the night. He’s even more distraught when the officers tell him why they’re calling; he decides to let Debbie sleep. Lord knows she’ll need it when she finds out about Michael in the morning.

~~~

Justin’s jolted awake by someone pounding on the front door.

“Brian! Brian, let me in! I have to talk to you, you asshole!”

“Christ, Deb! Why are you yelling, and what are you doing here?”

‘Let me in. I have to talk with Brian!”

“You’re still yelling, and he’s not available.”

“Where is he? I called Kinnetik, and Cynthia said he wasn’t available there either.”

“Debbie, he’s still asleep. He didn’t get home until almost six this morning.”





Justin’s mind flashes back to last night… 

It was already close to 11 pm when we boarded our flight home from New York. I was exhausted as Brian surprised me with tickets to see Cabaret, and then we had a late dinner at Per Se. It was the perfect end to a wonderful week in the city. Brian was once again over the top romantic and I couldn’t help falling in love with him even more than I already am. 

I slept on the plane on the way home, as well as in the limo. I was totally shocked when we arrived at Britin and I found myself alone. The driver told me that something had happened at the loft and Brian needed to stay behind and fix it. After calling him, Brian simply said that there had been a break-in but nothing was stolen. He told me not to worry, that everything was going to be okay, and I should just go back to sleep. That he was at the police station making a formal complaint, and then he’d be home.

Debbie screeches, “I don’t care about his beauty sleep! Wake him up!”

“Deb, whatever this is, it can wait. Believe me, you don’t want to deal with an angry and sleep-deprived Kinney.”

“I don’t give a fuck how angry he is! No one’s angrier than me!”

“What the fuck is going on down here?”

Oh God! I knew she was going to wake him up…

“Deb! Don’t even start with me! I’m not in the mood to deal with your temper tantrums this morning! Thanks to your obscenest son, I’ve only had three hours sleep!”

“You had him arrested!”

“Yes, I did! Do you know why?”

“It doesn’t matter why! No matter what he did, you’ve gone too far!”

“Michael? You had Michael arrested last night?”

“Justin, please! Just go make some coffee. I’m not awake enough to have this conversation.”

Justin grudgingly goes into the kitchen and starts the coffee, but he can’t help turning on the intercom system that the previous owners had installed throughout the house. He knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help himself. He can’t fathom what could possibly make Brian do such a thing. Yes, he and Michael have been on the outs, but he still cares about him like a petulant brother, or at least he used to. Justin has a feeling that there’s no turning back from this point forward, and he just hopes it doesn’t pull the family apart.

“Deb, do you even know what he did? Did Carl go into detail about Michael’s behavior? Or did you just fly off the handle and storm all the way out here to berate me without knowing the truth?”

“You had my baby arrested! That’s all I needed to know! I know you two have had your issues recently, but he could never do anything that would warrant getting him arrested!”

“Deb… Listen…”





“No! You listen to me! Fix this! Fix this now, or so help me…”

“What? So help me, what?”

Breaking the tension in the room, Justin arrives with a tray.

“Coffee’s ready. Who wants a cup?” 

Debbie scowls, but takes a cup. 

“Damn! This is really good coffee. Nothing like the diner coffee.”

Justin hands Brian a cup and he practically drinks in one long gulp. Justin makes him a second cup, and hopes it awakens something rational in Brian.

“So? How’d you find out our address?”

“I called Jennifer. I told her it was an emergency. It is an emergency! Michael spent the night in jail!”

“It isn’t his first, and it won’t be his last.”

“Why! Why would you have your best friend arrested?”

“I’m not going to tell you, you need to ask him. He needs to explain this in his own words, and don’t fall for his innocent act. Because the truth will all come out in court, he’s gone too far, Deb. I won’t back down from this. Our friendship is over! I don’t want to lose you at the same time, but that’s up to you to decide. I just hope for once you take your blinders off! Michael’s disturbed, he needs psychological help.”

“Brian Kinney, you should be ashamed of yourself. After everything we’ve done for you, and this is how you repay me? It will be a cold day in hell before I forgive you!”

Brian grabs his wallet and hands Deb two hundred dollars. “Your cab’s still waiting.” 

“Have a safe ride home, and hire Michael a good lawyer. He’s going to need one.” 

~~~

Melanie had to reschedule all her meetings before she could meet with Michael. He called her this morning instead of his mother, hoping that Brian will come to his senses, or Mel can have the charges dropped before his mother learns the truth.

Mel’s reading through the arrest report as she waits to talk to Michael. She’s disgusted and in shock as she reads all the charges against him. Breaking and entering, destruction of property, lewd and lascivious behavior, obscenity and indecent exposure, lying to a public official, misrepresentation, and impersonating another person and finally, squatting.

Melanie couldn’t help thinking this first series of charges sounded like a typical night at the loft, but as she continues reading, and sees the explicit description of Michael’s behavior her jaw drops. It isn’t often that she’s taken back by her client’s conduct, but she never thought she’d see anything like this concerning her daughter’s father. Stunned, she puts the report in her briefcase and takes out a long yellow legal pad.

Michael’s escorted into the room, and sits across from her looking down, ashamed. 

“Michael, I’m not sure I’m the best person to represent you in this case.”

“Mel, you have to. I don’t have anyone else to call.”

“Let’s just go over the charges, and we’ll see.”

“I was hoping you could talk to Brian. Maybe he can withdraw his complaint? Or maybe you can have the charges dropped? I didn’t really do anything wrong.”

“Michael…”

She takes a deep breath, wondering how dense he could be. He doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness of the charges against him.

“Why don’t you start at the beginning, and tell we what happened?”

“Nothing happened. I was staying at Brian’s loft to take care of it while he was out of town. This is all a big misunderstanding. Please, just talk to Brian.”

“As your lawyer I’m here to help you. But you have to be honest with me, completely honest. Do you understand?”

“Mel, these charges are bullshit. I’m sure Brian already feels bad about all this. He’s always forgiven me in the past.”

“DAMN IT, MICHAEL! Stop lying! Just stop! Or I’m going to let you be represented by a public attorney, and believe me they won’t care about your personal welfare.”

Michael looks at her, shocked…

“Now start from the beginning, the very beginning.”

“As you know I needed a place to stay, so I went to Brian’s loft for the week while he was out of town.”

“How did you get in?”

“I used my key.”

Mel’s starting to get really pissed off. “No, you didn’t. Brian had the locks changed. No one has a key except him, Justin and Ted. So how did you get into the loft?”

“I buzzed the building manager, and told him I was locked out. That I was Brian’s husband and I misplaced my key.”

“He doesn’t know what Justin looks like?”

“He’s new, so no.”

“So you lied to him?”

“It was just a little white lie.”

“A little white lie that constitutes breaking and entering.”

“I didn’t break in, we replaced the lock.”

“In the court’s eyes, it’s breaking and entering by deception.”

“Go on…”

“I stayed there all week, and took care of Brian’s loft.”





“So you, slept there, ate his food, watched his TV, listened to his music, used his computer, etc.”

“I guess.”

“That’s considered squatting.”

“Squatting?” Michael snickers.

“Get your fucking mind out of the gutter, and start taking this seriously.”

“So you slept there every night?”

“Yes.”

“In his bed?”

“Yes.”

“Did you?” 

Mel looks at the floor; she can’t believe she’s having this conversation.

“Did you masturbate in Brian and Justin’s bed?”

“Mel!”

“Answer the question!”





“Yes! In his bed, in the shower, on the sofa, at his desk watching porn. Pretty much everywhere. I was there all week. Men masturbate. It’s a normal and natural thing.”

Melanie groans.

“Does Brian have a collection of sex toys?”

“Of course!”

“Did you use them?”

“Maybe.”

“Yes or no?”

“Alright, fine! Yes!”

“What about his clothing?”

“Answer the question!”

“Yes. I may have gone through his dirty clothes. They smelled like him, and it turned me on.”

“And…”

“Okay, I might have worn some of them around the loft and to bed. It made me feel close to him, like he was there with me, holding me.”

“What else?”

“Nothing!”

“Don’t lie to me!”

Being a petulant child, he crosses his arms over his chest, then finally answers. 

“Okay! He has these designer ties, made from real silk. They’re really soft and they feel incredible against my skin.”

Melanie looks away, disgusted.

“Go on…”

“I used them to touch myself.”

“To masturbate?”

“God! You make it sound so ugly!”

“Yes or no!”

“Yes! Yes, alright!”

“Did it ever occur to you that what you were doing was wrong? Did you consider stopping?”

“No! I like fantasizing about being with Brian.”

“Okay. Let’s move on to the night you were arrested.”

Michael closes his eyes, remembering how turned on he was. The feel of Brian’s torpedo butt plug, as it vibrated against his prostate. It felt so real, like Brian was deep inside of him.

“Michael! Pay attention!”

“Did you hear the loft door open? It’s pretty loud and creaky when it’s opened.”

“Yes”

“Yet, you didn’t stop what you were doing?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I thought it was Brian.”

“You wanted him to see you like that?”

“Yes. I hoped it would turn him on.”

Melanie doesn’t even try and hide her repulsion at the thought.

“Did he say anything?”

“No. I thought he found it exciting, even erotic. I wished… I hoped that he would join me. That he would fuck me.”

“But he didn’t.”

“No, but I thought that he was touching himself. I thought he liked watching me. I thought that it was just a matter of time before he jumped my bones and fucked me into the mattress. I’ve wanted him for so long, and I thought it was finally going to happen.”

“And then what?”

“I couldn’t hold back any longer. I was so excited knowing he was there, watching me. I came, shooting all over my chest, face, his sheets, it was everywhere.”

“And…”

“I finally opened my eyes, and Brian wasn’t there. I was surrounded by four cops. They had their guns drawn, pointed at me. I thought it was a joke, that it was Brian’s kinky sense of humor.”

“Then what?”

“They seemed serious. They told me I was under arrest, and they wouldn’t even let me take a shower.”

“I can tell…”

“I was totally embarrassed, and Brian wouldn’t explain that we’re best friends. He actually said he didn’t even know me.”

“I can’t blame him… Then what?”

“I got dressed, and they handcuffed me and brought me here to the police station.”

“I kept thinking all night long that Brian was going to withdraw the charges, and we’d have a big laugh over it. He never came, but Carl did and I was totally humiliated! How could Brian do this to me? I’m his best friend, and he does something like this to me. I’ll never forgive him if he doesn’t fix this. What am I going to tell my mother?”

“How about the truth? It’s time you faced the truth!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Melanie rolls her eyes.

“Michael. Did you know that Brian has surveillance cameras throughout the loft?”

“What? Why?”

“Well, knowing Brian, I have no doubt that it’s to film him and Justin, he’s kinky that way. They’re motion sensitive, and he turns them on when he’s not at the loft as a security measure.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that the police have a video of your extended stay at Chez Kinney, and I have no doubt they’ll use them in court.”

“Oh God Mel! You have to talk to Brian, make him understand.”

TBC…



 

Title: Angry Kisses
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 3024
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: BigJ52
Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: They all struggle to accept the angry truth of the situation…


Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Twenty Three ~ Angry Kisses


Deb walks into the house, still fuming from her conversation with Brian.

“Carl! You’re here! I’ve been calling you all morning!”

“I know. I called the diner and they said you left after the morning rush. I’m guessing that the rumor mill is working overtime, and you’ve heard about Michael.” 

“You should have called and told me Michael had been arrested!”

“It’s been a busy morning, and I wanted to get to the bottom of what he did first.”

“He’s a good boy. He hasn’t done anything wrong!”

“Debbie! Please! Now, where have you been?”

“I… I had to talk to Brian!”

“Oh, and how did that go?”

“That damn asshole wouldn’t tell me anything! He said it would be better if Michael told me what happened.”

“That sounds like good advice.”

Debbie huffs in anger. “So, will you please tell me what happened?”

“I don’t think now is the right time. You need to calm down, and prepare yourself to hear some real truths about your son.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you need to take a good long hard look at him, without rose-colored glasses.”

“I know my son better than anyone else! This is all Brian’s fault!”

“It’s always Brian’s fault, isn’t it? You always blame him, denying that Michael may be guilty.”

“Brian’s a hellion! He’s always been a troublemaker and a bad influence on Michael!”

“Debbie! Stop!”

“I will not!”

“Tell me. Before Brian moved here, before Michael ever met him, did Michael ever get into trouble?”

“Well… He was just a boy. All boys get into trouble.”

“Ah ha… But once he met Brian, he became an innocent angel who could do no wrong?”

Debbie’s steaming, so angry that she’s being made to reevaluate Michael’s behavior. She can’t help her mind from drifting back to her conversation with Jennifer just a week ago. She knows she’s wrong to deny Michael’s bad behavior, but her baby’s in jail. He just couldn’t have done something so bad he’d be arrested.

“You don’t understand. Once he met Brian they started skipping school together, and sneaking alcohol, getting drunk. Eventually they started doing drugs. I heard them fooling around in Michael’s bedroom one afternoon, so I stormed in there and put a stop to that.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have.”

“What?”

“I’m just saying maybe you shouldn’t have interfered. Maybe if they had explored their sexual feelings towards one another as teenagers, Michael wouldn’t have always carried a torch for Brian for all these years. Maybe he would have accepted that Brian didn’t feel the same way about him, and he would have moved on. Instead he’s never let go of the past, always hoping that Brian will love him romantically someday.”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve questioning me like this!”

“For Christ sake, Deb!”

Debbie pouts, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly. Now Carl knows where Michael learned that behavior.

“I’m not through! You need to hear this!”

Debbie’s shocked. Carl’s never talked to her like this before, so direct and to the point.

“As far as the rest of those things, don’t you think that Michael was a willing participant in skipping school, drinking and trying drugs? Debbie, all teenagers try those things. It would have happened whether he met Brian or not.”

She hates to accept that Brian isn’t responsible for all of Michael’s problems. But she knows in her heart that Carl’s right, just like Jennifer was right. The unspoken truth is, she’s the one to blame, not Brian. Everyone always accuses Brian of reverting Michael back to behaving like he’s fourteen. But she knows that’s not really true, she knows that it’s her. She enables him, always making excuses for him. Unintentionally she’s taught him to always let others take the blame for his mistakes. She may have only been trying to protect him, but in the process she’s never let him grow up and become a man.

“Debbie? Are you alright?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s hard to accept that I’ve made so many mistakes raising him. I just wanted to protect him, because he always seemed so vulnerable and defenseless. Brian’s always been the strong one, always been the one to protect Michael.”

“Don’t you think that maybe he did it because you expected him to? That he was afraid of losing your love, if he didn’t do what you expected? From what I understand he was abused at home. He was just a boy and needed your love and understanding. So he knew better than to stand up for himself and tell the truth; he couldn’t risk you turning your back on him.”

“I never thought about it that way.”

“Deb. I don’t want to fight, or hurt your feelings any more than I already have, but you owe him an apology. You have to stop threatening to withdraw your love if he doesn’t do what you expect. And don’t try and tell me you don’t do that, because you do. You do it all the time, and I can see it in his eyes how much it hurts, even now. You make both Michael and Brian feel like they’re fourteen again, and not thirty-five-year-old men.”

“I’ve fucked them both up. It’s all my fault. I’m a horrible mother.”

“You’re not a bad person, Debbie, but you have to stop coddling Michael, and bullying Brian.”

“I’ve never bullied Brian!”

“Deb! Think about it. You demand him to do what you say, and if he doesn’t then you threaten him!”

“I… No… That can’t be right.”

“Do you even know what the definition of bullying is? Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion…”

“Oh God! What am I going to do?”

“I know change is hard, but it will get easier once you recognize you’re doing it.”

“I didn’t realize… I never meant to… It’s just my way sometimes…”

“Are you going to be alright? I have to get back to work. I’ve been gone too long as it is.”

“What about Michael?”

“He’s being arraigned this afternoon. After that we’ll know more.”

“I should be there for him.”

“I really think that’s a bad idea. Come visit him after his hearing, and see if he’s able to tell you what happened. I’m sure he’ll be mortified if you’re in the courtroom during the proceedings.”

“So, it’s that bad?”

“Yes. It’s not something you need to hear for the first time in a room full of people and reporters.”

“Reporters? Why reporters?”

“Deb. The local paper prints a weekly report of the police beat. They’re in the courtroom for all arraignments.”

“It’s going to be in the papers?”

“Yes. Just like Ted’s arrest was in the paper. There’s nothing I can do about it.”

“So please, Deb, go see him after his court appearance. Let him tell you in person. Don’t read about it in the paper first.”

~~~

Justin’s POV

Brian’s quiet, sitting in silence on the sofa staring off into space. I come up behind him, rubbing his shoulders, kissing the top of his head. 

“Don’t let her get to you. She always reacts without thinking things through.”

He just continues to stare straight ahead. I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight, he hugs me back just as tight. After a few minutes I lean in and kiss him, telling him he needs to get some sleep. He’s only had a few hours and he needs his rest. After he wakes up, when he’s ready, he’ll tell me all about what happened.

I lie down next to him, and he wraps his body around mine resting his head on my stomach. I stroke his hair gently as he relaxes to my touch, and drifts off to sleep. I lie awake next to him, wondering what could have happened that was so bad he had Michael arrested. Obviously he broke into the loft, but knowing Michael, we should have seen that coming. After all he didn’t have any place to go. Deb refused to take him in, and he can’t afford a hotel.

He could have broken into the small safe that Brian has hidden in our closet, there’s some cash in there for emergencies. Ever since Vic was arrested and we had to scramble to get him out of jail, Brian’s kept a reserve on hand. I suppose he could have guessed the combination, it’s not that hard. It’s the date we met, and the day Gus was born. We should probably change it to something more secure, and less obvious.

I slip out of bed, hoping Brian continues sleeping well into the afternoon. Lord knows he needs it. I search the kitchen for something to eat, even though I know the cupboards are bare. I decide to go pick Gus up from preschool and go grocery shopping. I call to let them know I’ll be picking Gus up early so hopefully he’ll be ready when I get there. But he’s not there, apparently Lindsay never dropped him off this morning.

I sit in the jeep, trying to calm down before I go up to the house. I can’t help wondering why Lindsay kept him home. I ring the door bell and Gus opens the door, excited to see me.

“Hey, buddy. You’re not sick, are you?”

“Nope! I’m great! I was hoping you’d come and pick me up. Momma said you weren’t coming today, because Uncle Mikey’s in jail.”

I scoop him up in my arms and kiss him. I’m irritated at Lindsay for telling Gus about Michael. I just hope she hasn’t told him any details, because I don’t even know any of the details.

“Justin. What in the world are you doing here?”

“I called Great Beginnings Preschool but they said you never dropped Gus off this morning.”

“Well, with everything that’s happened, I thought it was best he stayed home today.”

“Why? Is he sick?”

“Because of Michael, of course.”

“I don’t understand? What does Michael have to do with Gus attending daycare?”

“He’s been arrested.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“You have? What’s going on? I’ve called Mel, but she can’t talk to me right now.”

“I don’t think Mel can legally tell you what’s going on, if she’s Michael’s attorney.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course she’ll tell me. I should know, he’s JR’s father.”

“Yes, that’s why I’m surprised that she’s handling Michael’s case. You know, conflict of interest and all.”

“What? Oh, that’s nonsense. So tell me, what happened exactly?”

“I don’t really know any more than you do.”

“Really? You’re going to act all superior, and not tell me why Brian called the police on him?”

Justin shakes his head. Nothing surprises him anymore concerning their dysfunctional family these days.

“I just came by to pick up Gus. Are his things ready?”

“I told you. I don’t want him going out today.”

“Lindsay! I really wish you wouldn’t discuss Michael’s situation in front of Gus, or use it as an excuse to evade following our visitation schedule.”

“I’m all ready!”

They both turn to look at Gus, who’s standing there holding his little suitcase and teddy bear.

“Perfect, now give your mom a kiss good-bye.”

“Lindsay, I’ll drop him back on Sunday night. Just like we agreed to before we went to New York.”

“Justin! I don’t think he should go, considering everything that’s happened with Michael.”

“I’ll ask you once again. What does Michael’s problems have to do with Gus’s visitation schedule with Brian and me?”

“Well. I bet Brian’s upset about everything that’s happened.”

“Yeah, I bet Mel’s upset too.”

She turns and glares at him.

“Okay then, we’ll see you on Sunday night.”

Lindsay calls after them. “Justin!”

She’s still pouting about Justin’s taking Gus for the rest of the week. She’s frustrated, hating that Gus is spending so much time with them, and that she’s not in control. 

“Is mommy mad?”

“Don’t worry. She’ll get over it.”

“Now how would you like to help me pick out what to make for dinner for the next couple of days?”

“I get to choose?”

They spend the next hour and a half getting all of Gus’s favorite foods. Brian’s up when they get home and he helps them unpack the groceries. Justin makes them lunch while Brian plays with Gus in the living room. He’s glad he picked up Gus, as Brian really needed the distraction. Besides, they’ve missed him while they were out of town.

“Justy! Look what Daddy brought me from New York!”

Gus holds up the Lionel toy train Brian bought at an antique toy store. Brian was like a little kid when we found this place. He’s always wanted a train set since he was a child, but of course his parents never bought him one. Brian spent hours in the toy store, and a small fortune on vintage trains and all the accessories. I’m happy seeing the two of them together, so excited, talking about setting up the train tracks and train station together. I knew this was a great idea; it will give them something to bond over while letting him recapture his missed youth. 

I made him agree to not give Gus all of the trains at once, emphasizing that he needs to spread them out over holidays and birthdays. Yes, Brian has come around on the idea of celebrating birthdays. Seeing the thrill and excitement in Gus’s eyes has made him realize that he needed to let go of his anger and disappointment from his childhood. After lunch Gus is tired and ready for a nap, and so is Brian. I can tell he didn’t sleep very well after I left the house this morning. So they both snuggle down together on the sofa and rest.

Brian wakes up an hour or so later, and while Gus is still asleep he gives me a brief overview of the situation with Michael. I’m dumbfounded. Lying and breaking into the loft was bad enough, but wearing Brian’s clothes, and jacking off in our bed just makes me sick to my stomach. Brian tells me that he downloaded the webcam images from the Cloud, and fast forwarded through the footage. He was disgusted by what he saw, and he tells me that it’s probably better if I don’t watch it. Of course, he’s already forwarded it to Carl to present to the judge for review at Michael’s arraignment this afternoon.

I feel nauseous, and I can’t help feeling violated by Michael’s actions. I’m just grateful that he didn’t destroy anything at the loft. Brian looks uneasy and I know there’s more that he’s not telling me. 

“Brian? What is it?”

“Did he ruin some of your clothes? They can easily be replaced.”

“He… He just makes me so angry.”

“What? Did he shred them with scissors or something?”

“Not exactly. It doesn’t matter.”

“Okay…”

“Listen, Justin. I’m not even sure I want to keep the loft.”

“Brian. It can’t be that bad? Can it?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

“But we have so many memories there, and it really is the perfect place for Gus and me to spend our afternoons.”

He makes a sour face like the idea of Gus and me being there is outrageous, and he’ll never allow it.

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Okay.”

I’m still kind of foggy on exactly what happened at the loft, but it’s obvious that Brian’s uncomfortable talking about it. I’ll let it go for now, but I can tell it’s really painful for him. I can’t help wondering what really happened. But all I can do is wait until he’s ready to talk about it. I know I should have mentioned Lindsay’s strange behavior but he’s already so upset, I decide to wait. 

~~~

Michael’s hearing went as predicted. Melanie pleaded her case for bail and after several motions the judge finally lowered it to $300,000, which of course Michael can’t come up with. Mel calls Debbie to give her an update on Michael’s case. After much pleading and begging on Deb’s part, and against Carl’s better judgement he agrees to let Debbie use both their houses as collateral for his bail bond. Debbie’s happy and she goes to tell Michael the good news, assuring him that she’ll be there for him now, and allow him to stay in his old room until his court date. Carls’not happy about it, but he realizes that it’s probably better having him under his roof where he can keep an eye on him. 

Michael thanks her for bailing him out, and agrees to tell her everything once he gets home. Melanie explains that there’s no need for her to stay at the police station while she posts his bail. Reluctantly Debbie agrees, after Mel tells her it will be several hours before he’s processed out of the system. She gives Michael her emergency cash, a hundred-dollar bill to take a taxi home from jail.

Deb spends the afternoon making all of Michael’s favorite dishes, Antipasto salad, Lasagna, Garlic Bread and Cannoli. As she expected, Carl ends up working late, so her and Emmett fuss around the kitchen, setting the table and finally opening a bottle of wine while they wait for Michael’s return. Neither one of them knows the specifics about what happened at the loft and it’s driving them crazy. As Emmett refills their glasses, he empties the bottle. They both look at the clock, wondering why it’s taking Michael so long to get home. Finally Deb calls Mel to find out when she should expect him.

“What? I don’t understand. Where could he be?”

“Okay then, thanks Mel.”

Debbie turns to Emmett. “She said he was processed and released at 4 o’clock this afternoon.”

“Really?” 

It’s now eight o’clock at night.

“I’m worried about him. I hope he’s okay.”

“You know, Deb. I bet he just stopped off at Woody’s to have a drink before coming home.”

They both know Em’s trying to stay positive and be supportive, but they both have a bad feeling about this.

TBC…

Title: Angry Kisses
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 5067
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: BigJ52
Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Everyone’s emotions bubble up to the surface…


Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Twenty Four ~ Defiant Kisses






A sheen of perspiration glistens on his skin, as his breathing slowly returns to normal. Most of all he’s happy, for months now he’s been on a natural high. I don’t know if it’s because we’ve committed to one another, or if he’s finally secure in our relationship. I didn’t realize how my tricking made him feel so unsure of his place in my life. I thought he understood that he’s the most important person to me, and that I truly loved him. As hard as it is for me say it, I now know that he needs to hear it just as badly. I was a fool to not understand that, and it’s been the cause of so many of our problems. But everything’s different now, and I won’t make that mistake again. I won’t risk ever losing him again.

I hate to leave him. I’d much rather pull him into my arms until he falls back asleep, but I have to get to the office. I have that damn Dandy Lube presentation, and they better fucking like it. My staff has slaved over the storyboards to meet their unrealistic deadline, but the bottom line is Kinnetik is going to make a fucking fortune. I slip out of bed, shower, shave and I’m out the door.

~~~

“Theodore.”

“Bri, I have the boards for Dandy Lube, and they look great. Everything’s ready and Cynthia is just bringing the tray of coffee and pastries into the boardroom.”

Brian’s standing in front of the mirror straightening his tie and shirt collar, even though he looks impeccable. Cynthia sticks her head in the door.

“They’ve just arrived. I’ll seat them in the conference room until you’re ready.”

“Brian? What are we waiting for?”

“Teddy, have I taught you nothing? You always make the client wait, never appear too eager or enthusiastic. Always have the upper hand and remain in control at all times.”

“Right, Boss.”

Brian saunters into the conference room exuding power, completely confident…

~~~

I lie in bed for another half an hour. I knew our private time was coming to an end, it’s been nice having the last week and a half to ourselves. Brian’s been so stressed out, first with Michael, and then with Deb going off on him. But having Gus here has really helped him relax, and to let go of all the madness.

My mind can’t help drifting back to just a few days ago…

Brian seems so lost and vulnerable right now, and I wonder what I can do to help. I realize that he needs Debbie more than he’s willing to admit. She’s the only parent he feels he has, and like all children, he needs her approval. Sure he’s disappointed her in the past, but they always got past it. But this is different, bigger than anything that’s happened before. He feels threatened by the possibility that Debbie will turn her back on him and stop loving him.

“I can’t lose her, I just can’t.”

“Just give her time. She needs to come to grips, and understand that Michael has gone too far this time. Hopefully she’ll finally be able to see that Michael’s no angel, and he’s responsible for his own actions.”

“I don’t know… She’s always blamed me. It’s like she loves me, but she doesn’t like me. “

“She loves and she likes you. But sometimes she can’t see the real you. Not like I do. You have a way of keeping people at bay, so they never see how you’re really feeling about things.”

“You know how hard it is for me to show my feelings.”

“I know, and I’m so glad you let me see the real you. I love you and so does everyone else.”

“Sure they do…”

I pull him into my arms, and just hold him. This is about love and understanding, sometimes he just needs to be held. His parents did so much damage to him when he was just a child. He didn’t know better than to believe he was worthless, knowing that he was unwanted. He’s told himself that he doesn’t need anyone for so long, I think he actually started believing it after a while. But I know it’s not true, I know he longs to be loved and accepted.

~~~

“Wow, Brian! That went really well.”

“Was there ever any doubt?”

“No. Of course not, Boss.”

“So how about we go to lunch and celebrate our new multi-million dollar contract?”

“Sounds great!”

“Cynthia, is my reservation all set?”

“Yes I’ve called Altius, and Andre is expecting you. He’s taken the liberty of preparing a special lunch that he’s sure you’ll be pleased with.”



“Altius! God, Brian, that place has a waiting list a mile long, and the entrées cost a fortune.”

“What’s the point of celebrating, if you don’t go over the top every once in a while?”

“Right. I forgot who I was having lunch with.”

Ted and Brian enjoy an amazing lunch, with a fantastic view of the city and the rivers below. Afterwards, while drinking cognac Brian smiles at Ted, asking him if he’s happy working at Kinnetik.

“Oh God, yes! I love what I’m doing. I’ve learned so much this last year.”

“So you’re not bored, or maybe in need of a change?”

“No! No! God, no!”

“Are you sure? Because I was thinking, maybe you’d be interested in expanding your responsibilities?”

“What? I mean, really?”

“Theodore. You’ve done an exceptional job this last year. You’ve helped take Kinnetik to the top of the advertising market. It’s more than I ever imagined possible in such a short amount of time.”

“Thanks, Boss! I learned from the master.”

“I was thinking about incorporating, but I’m not sure I like the idea of having to answer the stockholders.”

“Well there are advantages and disadvantages. I can put together some numbers and you can evaluate both possibilities.”

“Us.”

“What?”

“Us, Ted. You said, you. But I think it’s best that my new Vice-President has a say in how our company expands and grows in the future.”

“What! What did you say? Really?”

“Theodore. I’m not sure you should be drinking during business lunches, it seems to have an effect on your hearing.”

“Brian! I… I don’t know what to say.”

“How about yes, or I accept?”

“Yes! I accept!”

“Good boy!”

“Now I was thinking that a 30% increase in salary, with a quarterly bonus of 15% of the profits. Do you think that would be a reasonable offer?”

“Oh my God! That’s very generous, Brian.”

“Of course I’ll expect a commitment from you. I can’t afford to invest in someone who isn’t dedicated to seeing Kinnetik flourish and take over the advertising world.”

“I’m your man, Brian! I’m committed to going all the way!”



“Well, I hope you understand that’s not possible. Justin’s frowns on me tricking these days, even though I know it’s been a fantasy of yours for a long time.”

They both burst out laughing. Ted’s still somewhat in shock. He knew that Brian was pleased with his performance, but he never ever expected to be promoted to Vice-President.

“Ted. Just so we’re clear, and you know what my long-term goals are, I’d like to plan on retiring in ten or twelve years. Do you think you’ll be ready to run the company by then?”

Ted’s just staring at him, with his mouth open.

“Theodore, close your mouth. I have to intention of letting you blow me.”

“I don’t know what to say, Brian?”

“How about yes? I’m ready to learn all there is about advertising.”

“Yes! God, yes!”

“Okay, just one more thing.”

Ted looks at him, wondering what more Brian could want.

“Here’s the business card for my tailor, he’s expecting your call. It’s important to dress for success, just try not to one up me in your new designer duds.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“Good!”

Ted’s floating on air, completely flabbergasted by his promotion and he can’t wait to call Emmett. Even though their relationship is back to just being friends, there’s no one he wants to share this news with more.

On the ride back to Kinnetik, they pass Michael’s old comic book store. There’s a sign in the window, “Coming Soon – Red Cape Café.”

“Wow! I guess Michael took your advice and sold the business to Todd.”

“For once he did the right thing. Then he lost his mind and jumped off a cliff.”

“Yeah. I heard about what happened. I mean, I don’t really know what happened. Just that he was arrested.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“I understand, Boss.”

“So, I’ve decided that I want to sell the loft.”

“Sell the loft? Brian last time we talked, you wanted to expand. You had me contact the owner of the loft next to you and make them an offer. You said to give them whatever they wanted.”

“Well now, you don’t have to bother with that.”

“But I already did, and they accepted.”

Brian turns and looks at Ted. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I’m sorry, Brian. I never thought you’d change your mind. You seemed so adamant that you wanted to expand the loft, adding a playroom, a bedroom for Gus, and an art studio for Justin.”

“I know what I wanted! But I’ve changed my mind! I don’t want them near that place. It’s disgusting and I don’t want them to ever go there again.”

Ted’s speechless, he doesn’t know what to say. He can’t imagine what Michael could have done that would make Brian so opposed to letting Justin or Gus spend time there. Emmett’s been trying to pry information out of Carl and Mel, but neither one will say a thing about it. Something’s up with Michael, but no one’s talking about that either. He’s been staying out late, closing the bars every night. He’s been going home with strange men, and he’s yet to talk with Deb about his arrest and what led up to it.

~~~

Gus and I come into the city for some art supplies. I let him pick out some new water colors while I sort through the sable brushes. I hear Gus chattering away and I look over to see Sydney Bloom kneeling down next to him. At first I’m surprised that he’s talking to Gus, and then I realize that he probably knows Gus. After all I’m sure Lindsay’s brought him by the gallery from time to time.

He looks up and smiles at me, “Hi, Justin. I don’t know if you remember me? I’m Sydney Bloom, Lindsay works for me at the gallery.”

I can’t believe he knows who I am. “Yes, of course. I love your gallery, it’s always great to see what artists you’re featuring.”

“I do like to stay ahead of the trends, promoting new artists.”

“I just loved the photography exhibit you had at the beginning of the year. Their use of light and shadow was amazing.”

“Have you been painting lately?”

“Well yeah. For me it’s like breathing.”

He laughs. “Of course it is. I’d love to see your artwork sometime.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Justin, you’re very talented. I saw some of your sketches and painting at PIFA.”

I blush, feeling uncomfortable. I’m always a little insecure about my artwork.

“Do you have any pictures you could send me by email?”

“Sure, I’d love to. I also have a few on my phone if you have time?”

I pull up the pictures of my current painting and show them to him.

“Would you be interested in showing some of your work at the gallery?”



“I’d love to. That would be so cool.”

“Stop by the gallery sometime this next week and bring in an assortment of your paintings, and pictures of the others you have at home.”

“Wow! Thanks, Sydney. I’ll do that.”

I’m in awe as he walks away, stunned that he’s interested in my artwork. I’m wondering if he’d even know who I was, if Gus wasn’t with me. But then he did seem to know we were together, so Lindsay must have mentioned that Brian and I now share joint custody. I’m so excited, totally flattered by the attention. Of course there’s always a possibility that once he sees my artwork in person, it might not be something he wants to display.

Emmett called and suggested that we meet for coffee and croissants in the park. I look up and see him walking towards me and wave; he’s wearing one of his new outfits he bought in New York. He leans down and hugs me and kisses the top of Gus’s head. Then he turns around in a pirouette modeling for us. God, I love him, he always knows how to brighten my mood. I can tell he’s knows about Michael, but he lets me ramble on about meeting Sydney while we drink our coffee. Once Gus has finished his lemon bar he’s off playing on the swings. I’m vacillating from total excitement to compete insecurity about my paintings. But Em reassures me that there’s nothing to worry about, telling me that he wouldn’t have asked to see my artwork if he wasn’t interested. To his credit he doesn’t ask about Michael, he knows how crazy he’s been for months now, and how much it upsets both Brian and me.

~~~

As I’m driving back home my phone rings and it’s my mom, we’ve been avoiding each other for the past few days. I’m feeling uncomfortable, and I need to have a long talk with her. I’m not happy about how things are between us, and I feel like she owes me an explanation for her behavior.

I hesitate before answering it. “Mom.”

“Hi, Justin. Molly’s off for spring break this week, and I was wondering if it was okay if we stopped by this afternoon.”

I’m frustrated because Molly doesn’t really need to hear what I have to say to my mom. But thinking about it, maybe having her there would be a good thing. She can watch Gus while we clear the air, because we really do need to get our relationship back on track. It’s really weird not talking to her, and the longer I wait to confront her, the more worked up I’m getting.

“Sure, that sounds good. I’d love to see you and Molly.”

“Great, honey. I can’t wait to hear about New York and your visit to Grandma Roxy’s.”

“I’m just heading back to the house now. Gus and I did a little shopping in town this morning.”

“Why don’t I pick up some sandwiches and salads from the deli, and we can have lunch together.”

~~~

Michael slept in late today, he’s been spending all his time drinking and drugging into the wee hours, staying out all night. He’s been hanging out at some of the sleazier bars, letting older guys buy him drinks, and having indiscriminate sex. He looks at his phone to see he has a dozen messages, both from Mel and his mom. He’s surprised that his phone is still working, the bill hasn’t been paid since before Ben left him.

“Listen, you little asshole! I put up your bail with the understanding that you’d tell me why you got arrested! I expect you home tonight and ready to explain yourself!”

“Michael! Where have you been, you haven’t slept here since you were released from jail! If you live at my house, you follow my rules!”

“Michael? It’s Mel, we need to talk. Call me when you get this message.”

“Michael, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to come home and explain yourself!”

“You’d better get your ass home now! Or else, so help me God you’ll be sorry!”

“Hi, Michael, I haven’t heard from you and I need to know where you’re staying. If you’re not staying with your mom, I need to notify the court of your new address. Please call me.”

“Hey, Michael, it’s Em. I haven’t seen you all week, and I’m worried about you. Both Teddy and I are concerned, we haven’t seen you at Woody’s or Babylon. Call me.”

“Michael, listen Lindsay and I have been talking and like I said at the prescient, I’m not sure I’m the right person to handle your case. You know, because of JR and the whole conflict of interest thing. Call me so we can talk.”

“Michael! What the Hell is going on with you? Where have you been sleeping? Why haven’t you returned any of my phone calls? You owe me an explanation! I want answers! Now! So you better get your ass in gear, and be ready to tell me everything tonight! Oh, it’s mom, honey. I miss you and I love you!”

“Michael. Did you see that Todd is remodeling your old comic book store? He’s opening it as an internet café, he’s going to call it ‘Red Cape Café!’ Isn’t it sweet that he’s keeping the name! Let’s meet for lunch, we really need to catch up on everything! Please call me, baby, I miss you.”

“Michael, it’s Ted. You know Emmett and your mom are really starting to freak out, and I’m worried about you too. I know things have gotten a little out of control, but I’m here for you if you need me.”

Christ! Why can’t they all just leave me alone! Everyone calls except Brian, and he’s the only one I want to talk to. I need to explain, and he just has to understand that I didn’t mean to upset him. I just needed to be close to him, and staying at the loft made me feel better. I love him so much, and I know he loves me too. Now that Ben and I are no longer together, it’s time we really gave us a chance. It’s what we’ve always wanted, to be together once we were older. He promised me, and he never breaks his promises!

“Michael.”

“Jesus, Carl! You scared the hell out of me!”

“We need to talk.”

“Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Your mother’s worried about you.”

“Not now Carl. I really need a shower, and to get some coffee.”

Carl grabs Michael’s arm as he start to pass him to go down the stairs.

“Listen! And listen well! I expect you to stay here, and talk to your mother when she gets home from work. You need to come clean, and be honest with her about your arrest! I’m going to call her before I leave work tonight. If you haven’t explained everything to her by then, I’m going to bring her a copy of your arrest report, and have your bail revoked! DO YOU HEAR ME?”



“I think the whole neighborhood heard you!”

Michael pulls his arm away, and stomps off towards the bathroom to take a shower.

“I’m serious, Michael! You better be here when she gets home!”

Michael slams the bathroom door, angry and resentful. How dare he talk to him like that! Who the hell does he think he is? Fuck Him! I’m a grown man and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want!

~~~

“Mom, Molly, it’s good to see you both. Gus, do you remember my sister Molly?”

He’s acting shy as he stands behind me, straining to look around me at them.

Jennifer smiles. “I bought you a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich. I heard that was your favorite.”

He’s still debating if he wants to talk to them.

“Let’s see. I also have a bottle of chocolate milk and, look, I have chocolate chip cookies from the Liberty Bakery.”

He’s still shy, although he’s not hiding behind me anymore, but is still holding my hand.

“For me?”

“Yes, sweetheart, for you. How would you like to have lunch with us out on the patio?”

He looks up at me, unsure. I smile and nod at him.

“Okay, I guess so?”

We enjoy our lunch, and I tell Molly and Mom all about New York. How Brian took me out to eat at the most fabulous restaurants, how we visited art museums, and he took me shopping and to the theater. She’s impressed that Brian won several awards, including Advertising Executive of the Year. She asks about Grandma Roxy, and I tell her that Emmett went with me to visit her. And how she was right, I had a great time, and it was good to see her. I mention that I’m going to make a point to visit more frequently. I want her to meet Brian next time, he was too busy this time around to come with me. She’s happy. She’d like Grandma Roxy to move here to Pittsburgh to be closer to her, but my grandma’s always been very independent. I’m pretty sure they’d kill each other if she lived so close.

Now that Gus has warmed to Mom and Molly, he decides to show Molly his new trains while Mom and I go up to my studio and talk.

“Justin, before you say anything, I know you’re mad at me.”



“MOM! You violated our trust, Brian’s and mine. You promised us that you wouldn’t tell a soul where we live! No matter what?”

“I know, honey. But Deb sounded so desperate, and Michael was in jail.”

“Yeah! And guess who had him arrested?”

“She never told me that part.”

“Yeah! That’s a big surprise!”

“Justin, please.”

“I trusted you! I believed in you! You promised me!”

“I know and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You always say that after breaking promises you’ve made to me.”

“How would you feel if I out and out lied to you repeatedly?”

“Justin. That’s not the case here.”




“I think it is… Let’s see. I’ll start with when I confided in you about being gay. Do you know how hard that was to tell you? How much I worried that it would change how you felt about me? How afraid I was that Dad would stop loving me?”

“Justin I… I tried to keep my promise. I really did. But once I saw you with Brian, I couldn’t help thinking you were headed for trouble.”

“Yeah! Right, trouble in my own home. With an angry father who thought nothing of threatening me and hitting me?”

“I had hoped that he would behave rationally and remain calm, that he’d try and understand.”

“It hurt, mom! And I don’t mean dad slapping me! It hurt that I couldn’t trust you. In that single moment I knew you’d turn your back on me, justifying it with ‘I was only doing what I thought was best for you!’”

“I thought I was!”

“Bullshit! You had to know that he’d fly off the handle! That he’d kick me out of the house, and push me out of our family!”

“I wanted to believe that he was bigger than that, that he wasn’t a bigot. That his love for his son would surpass his homophobic beliefs. But I was wrong. I was so wrong and I’m so sorry!”

“You’ve said that! Besides sorry is bullshit!”

“Justin. I thought we got past this a long time ago? I thought you forgave me?”




“Christ! I’m sorry! I thought I had too! But it just came bubbling up to the surface along with everything else.”

“Please accept my apology. I can’t change the past and I do love you.”

“I know… But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still mad at you.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“I’m still having trouble understanding why you lied to me about Brian when I was in the hospital?”

“Brian? Oh Justin, I…”

“Yes, Brian, the man that I love! The man I’ve been head over heels in love with since the day I met him.”

“Justin…”

“Don’t! Don’t tell me you did it for my own good!”

“But I thought that’s exactly what I was doing.”

“You hurt me, but moreover you hurt Brian. All he wanted to do was love me. He needed to be there with me and to know I was going to be alright.”

“I understand that now.”

“Now! But at the time, you didn’t give a fuck! All you cared about was you! Couldn’t you see how much pain he was in? How scared he was of losing me?”

“I didn’t want him hurting you anymore.”

“Couldn’t you see that he loved me? He was finally ready to admit that he loved me, and that he needed me. His whole life he’s been told he’s unlovable, and then you come along and blame him for what happened. You made him believe that the bashing was his fault, that he was no good! You sent him away when I needed him the most!”

“I’m sorry. I really am. But I was just trying to protect you!”

“That is such bullshit! You used him as a scapegoat, punishing him for what happened to me! Did it ever occur to you that it happened to him too? Can you imagine what it was like for him, holding my broken and bleeding body, praying that I didn’t die? Can you imagine how scared he was? Not just for me but for him having to live with that fact that everyone blamed him?”

“Justin. I know what I did was wrong. I really do. But…”

“Stop! Stop trying to justify what happened!”

Tears are running down Jennifer’s face. She knew coming here today she’d have to deal with an angry Justin and they needed to talk things through. But she never thought he would be dragging up the past and holding her responsible.

“You know it was bad enough that you treated him that way, but everyone else followed suit. No one was there for him. You ostracized him from his own family, and he had to deal with all his pain and fear alone. And then when he turned to alcohol, drugs, and sex you criticized him, reinforcing that he’s no good and worthless.”

“You don’t understand. I just wanted my sweet innocent son back. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was before you met him. I wanted you to have a chance at a real life.”

“What? You thought I’d just forget the last year of my life? Maybe even forget that I was gay?”

“NO! God no, Justin. I don’t have a problem with you being gay and you know that!”

“There is no going back! The damage Chris Hobbs inflIcted on me, changed me in ways that I’ll never be able to recover from.”

“I know. I wish I could do something to fix everything.”

“It’s not something you can put a Band-Aid on and kiss to make it better! I’m brain damaged!”

“Justin. Don’t say that!”

“Oh, for Christ sake! You have to accept it! I’m always going to be brain damaged! Don’t you understand? I lost so much that night. Things I’ll never be able to recapture!”

“I love you, Justin. All I wanted was what was best for you.”

“You do know that not letting Brian see me damaged us both, almost as much as the damn bashing! It took us four years to get back to that same place we were that night! For him to come to the prom, and be able to express his true feelings for me, took almost losing me once again, for him to take a chance and admit that he loved me!”




“Justin… I never… I didn’t know…”

“He never stopped loving me, but he did stop believing in us. He was convinced that he didn’t deserve to be loved, that he was no good for me. The whole Ethan fiasco never would have happened, if you hadn’t interfered. Why did you have to do that? You made me question his love for me, and doubt myself and my intuition.”

“Do you remember how I used to be? I was so headstrong and sure of myself. I was willing to go after what I wanted, no matter how unrealistic or impossible it was.”

“I’m not that person anymore. I question myself all the time. Always doubting my abilities, instead of challenging myself, and taking risks. I question everything…”

“Justin! That’s enough!

“Brian!”

“You’re home…”

“Do you know I can hear you all the way out in the driveway? If we had neighbors they would have called the police by now.”

“I didn’t realize…”




“Now look at your mother. She’s been crying so much she’s used the whole box of Kleenex, and her eyes are swollen. I understand that you needed to say some of those things, and that you needed to get it all out. But she’s not responsible for everything you’re angry and frustrated about.”

“I’m sorry, mom…”

“Now come over here and give her a hug and tell her you love her.”

Justin looks ashamed and starts crying as he walks over to Jennifer. “I’m sorry, mom. I know you love me. I’ve just been carrying all this anger around with me. Brian’s right. I just needed to vent, to get it all out.”

“I know, sweetheart, and as hard as it was to hear it, I needed to. I needed to understand how much pain you’ve been in. I love you, Justin, and we’ll get through this together.”

“Brian, please forgive me for all the pain I’ve caused you. I didn’t realize how much I’ve hurt the both of you.”

“Of course you didn’t mean to hurt us, we both know that.”

“Now come over here and join us in a group hug. It will make you feel better.”

Brian looks horrified. “Brian, come on. You need this too.”

Justin smirks, as Brian walks towards them, like he’s headed towards a firing squad.

“Now don’t you feel better?”

With raised eyebrows Justin says, “You know, dear, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you sound like you’ve been reading some self-help books. Or maybe you’ve even started seeing a shrink?”

“Justin…”

“Yes, dear…”

“Oh, by the way, Dr. Wilder called. He said he can see us for a joint appointment on Monday.”

“Brat!”

“Now let’s go see if we can find Molly and Gus. They were picking wildflowers and headed towards the woods, when I pulled into the driveway.”

TBC…

Title: Blindsided Kisses
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 4186
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: BigJ52
Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Michael and Lindsay’s true feelings are revealed, blindsiding everyone…


Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Twenty Five ~ Blindsided Kisses

Justin’s walking with a bounce in his step, excited that Sydney’s going to critique his paintings. He walks into the gallery and is surprised that no one is manning the gallery. Hearing the bell over the door Sydney comes out of his office, and smiles when he sees him. He thanks Justin for bringing in his portfolio. He shows him into the conference room, and offers him coffee. Then he excuses himself for a few minutes, closing the door behind him.

“Lindsay, where are you? It’s after ten and the gallery is now open.”

“Sydney. I’m sorry, it’s JR. I don’t think I can make it in today.”

“Oh? Is she sick again? You’ve been missing a lot of work lately. I’m starting to get concerned.”

“Well, it’s this thing with Michael, her father. He’s been arrested.”

“Yes. I read about it in the paper.”

“JR’s not handling it very well, and she’s been upset.”

“Lindsay. She’s not even two years old, so I doubt she understands what’s going on. Besides, why in the world would you even mention it to her?”

“Well, this situation is upsetting the whole family.”

“You need to pull yourself together, and get your ass in here. I’m meeting with an artist this morning, and I don’t have time to cover the gallery. That’s what I hired you to do.”

Lindsay inhales deeply, about to protest, but Sydney’s already hung up.

Sydney returns to the conference room, apologizing, saying that Lindsay’s running late. He leaves the conference room door open in case anyone comes into the gallery until she arrives.

“I see you brought your portfolio with you, that’s great. Did you also bring some photos of your work?”

“Yes. Well actually, I brought slides.”

“That’s perfect. It’s so much easier to see the details of the painting when I can project them onto a screen. You get a greater sense of the artwork, seeing it as it’s meant to be viewed in full scale.

Sydney refreshes Justin’s coffee, and sets up the slide projector. He hears Lindsay come in, and goes out to talk with her for a few minutes. When he returns he closes the door behind himself and they spend the next couple of hours reviewing Justin’s paintings and talking about art. 

First they look at his slides. “I’m impressed. It’s obvious that you’re very talented, especially for someone so young.”

Justin blushes. “Thanks. That means a lot coming from someone like you.”

“I always like to start with the slides, and then move onto the canvases. It gives me an idea of the caliber of the artwork, and then the actual paintings reinforce the artist’s natural abilities and talent.”

“I hope my work doesn’t disappoint you. Sometimes, depending upon my mood, my painting changes, reflecting what I’m feeling at the time.”

“That’s just as it should be, that’s part of being a great artist. Being able to express what you’re feeling, and capturing it in your artwork.”

Sydney takes his time looking at all the details and nuances, noting his use of color and texture. He can see that in just the short time since he saw Justin’s art at the PIFA exhibit, he’s grown as an artist and seems to be coming into his own distinct style. 

Justin’s nervous, he’s never had a professional critique his work, and he hopes his paintings don’t disappoint Sydney.

“Justin, you have an exceptional eye for the use of color. Your paintings don’t have that contrived look about them, like you’re trying to impress.”

“Thank you so much. Most of the time I just stare at a blank canvas, until my feelings start flowing through me and my paintbrush.”

“To say you’re gifted would be an understatement. You’re an exceptionally talented artist, with abilities that are rarely seen these days.”

“Really? That’s so kind of you to say.”

“Justin. I’m not being kind. I’m simply stating the truth. Trust me, there are plenty of artists who have run out of here crying after my critique of their work. In this business you have to develop a thick skin, critics can be brutally blunt at times. My suggestion is to listen to what they have to say with an open mind, but always stay true to your art.”

“I’ll remember that.”

“Now, would you be willing to leave these three paintings you brought in with you today? I’d like to display them in the gallery.”

“Really? I mean, oh God, yes!”

“Another thing you might want to work on is to not be so surprised or enthusiastic. Always project an aura of confidence in your talent and abilities. That way you’ll always keep an upper hand in negotiations and control over your artwork.”

“Thank you so much, Sydney. I appreciate all your help and taking the time to mentor me.”

“It’s my pleasure, Justin. I hope we develop a strong friendship over time.”

Justin’s over the moon, it’s more than he ever expected.

Just as they’re finishing up, the intercom buzzes. “Sydney, it’s the call from New York you’ve been expecting.”

“I’m sorry, Justin, if you’ll excuse me I have to take this call.”

“No problem, it was a pleasure meeting with you. Thank you for taking the time to critique my artwork.”

~~~

“Deb, is everything okay?”

“Oh, Emmett. I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m so worried about Michael.”

“I know, we all are.”

“He came home so late the night before last. Then in the morning I thought it was best if I let him sleep in. I needed to leave for work, so we didn’t have time to speak with each other.

“I’m glad he’s finally decided to stay here at the house.”

“That’s just it, Em, he’s not here. Carl talked with him yesterday. He explicitly asked, no, told him to stay put until I got home from work. But when I got here he was gone again. I had hoped that maybe he was out looking for a job, or maybe visiting JR. But he never returned last night.”

“Oh, Deb. I’m sorry he’s putting you through all this.”

“I looked through his room this morning and everything’s gone, even his extra clothes he had stored in the closet. The only thing he left was his cell phone on the dresser.”

“Where do you suppose he’s gone?”

“I wish I knew, but if he’s not with Teddy, the girls, or you, I can’t imagine where he’d go. He really doesn’t have anyone else except Brian, and I doubt that Brian would be helping him out at this point.”

“Yes, I agree that’s unlikely.”

“Carl brought home a copy of his arrest report last night. And as much as I want to know what happened, now that I have it, I’m afraid to read it.”

“I can understand that.”

“Why is he acting this way, Em? It’s so unlike him to behave this way. I’m worried sick that something is going to happen to him. I just don’t know what to do at this point. And now that he doesn’t have his cell phone, I don’t have a way to get a hold of him, or leave him a message.”

“Tell me, what can I do to help you?”

“Nothing. Not really. I’m going to do laundry to get my mind off everything.”

“You don’t want to read his arrest report?”

“I just can’t right now, but you go ahead and read it. Maybe later we can read it together. I’m afraid I’m going to need you here with me, to help me come to grips with what’s he’s done.”

“Of course, Deb, I’ll be glad to. But right now I have to meet a client. So I’ll be back later this afternoon. In the meantime try to relax, it’s your day off.”

~~~

“Brian? I’m here dressed in jeans and a t-shirt per your request. What’s up?”

“I was hoping you could help me pack up everything at the loft. I want everything removed and stored, until we find a new place in town.”

“So, you’re really going to sell the loft?”

“Yes, I’m done with the loft.”

“Okay, Brian. Whatever you need, I’m in.”

“Thanks, Teddy. I’d hire someone to pack everything up, but there are so many personal things of Justin’s and mine, I don’t feel comfortable with strangers going through our belongings.”

“Right, Boss. Anything I can do to help out.” 

They drive over to the loft in a truck Brian rented to move all his possessions to a storage locker.

“So, Teddy. I need you to retrieve all the files from the cloud.”

“The cloud?”

“Yes, Ted. You know, that magical place where you store data electronically.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize that your files weren’t stored on the server at Kinnetik.”

“Ted, these aren’t work files.”

“Oh?”

“I installed a surveillance system in the loft a while back.”

“Has the crime rate increased in the neighborhood?”

Brian turns and glares at him. “No! It was for personal use.”

“Oh. Oooh…”

“I just recently started using it for security purposes when we weren’t staying there. Thankfully, it recorded all of Michael’s stay at the loft while we were in New York.”

“Really! Wow! I guess there’ll be no denying what happened then.”

“None, whatsoever, but I don’t want Justin downloading them. I don’t ever want him to see them.”

“I understand, Brian.”

“So I need you to remove them, and I mean really remove them. I know that sometimes you can delete files, but they’re not completely gone. I don’t want a hacker being able to retrieve them. When you’re done, lock them in my personal safe in my office. Not the Kinnetik safe. I don’t want someone stumbling onto it.”

“Got it, Bri…”

“Actually, maybe you should download everything from the cloud.”

“Everything?” 

“Yes. Justin and I used it for… We just used it! Alright!”

“Okay, Boss.”

“No. I think you should just delete everything. Yes, that would be best. Justin would be mortified if anyone ever watched the videos. We’re married now, but I don’t ever want him feeling embarrassed or violated.”

“Alright, Bri.”

“No. Well, hmmm… Okay, make a copy and then delete them, and put the copy in my personal safe, along with Michael’s videos.”

“Okay, Boss.”

“No, no. Delete everything. Yes, I think that’s best.”

“Whatever you want.”

“Yes. That’s best, I mean… There’s so much stored on the cloud, it’s best if we just delete it all.”

Ted just looks at Brian, waiting to see if this is his final decision.

“Wait, maybe I should check my calendar. There were a few special nights we were together, that were pretty incredible. We might want to watch them someday when we’re old and gray.”

“Or, young and gray.”

Brian’s back to glaring at him…

“I’ve seen a few gray hairs, or should I say, I’ve seen you plucking out a few gray hairs while in your office.”

“Theodore!”

“Right. Zipping, zipping.”

~~~

Justin packs up his slides, leaving the paintings for Sydney, and then exits the conference room.

“Justin! What in the world are you doing here?”

Lindsay’s eyes scan his portfolio, and then they become dark and cloud over, staring at him viciously.

“I can’t believe that you have the gall to come here, using my position at the gallery to manipulate Sydney.”

“Lindsay…”

“We don’t take unsolicited work. This is a prestigious gallery for serious artists.”

“I…”

“No! You listen to me. I’m shocked that you would take advantage of our friendship to weasel yourself in to see Sydney. I guess I should have expected something like this from you. After all you’re getting so good at insinuating yourself in places you don’t belong.”

At this point Justin can see that Lindsay’s on a roll, and she won’t hear a word he has to say. So he just lets her ramble, getting it all out. He had no idea that her dislike for him had turned to hatred, just like Michael.

“You know, just because you’ve shown your work at the GLC, and won an honorable mention at PIFA, it doesn’t make you an artist worthy of exhibiting your work in galleries or museums. It takes years to develop those skills. Honestly, to tell you the truth you’re not very good, mediocre at best. I doubt that your artwork will ever progress to that level.”

Wow! He tells himself to remain calm. He’s determined to not let her see just how pissed off he is, remembering Sydney’s words. ‘Always project an aura of confidence in your talent and ability.’

Smiling like she’s been praising his work, he says, “Well, it’s been enlightening running into you this morning, but I really need to go. I have to pick Gus up from preschool.”

Just the mention of Gus inflames her already moody disposition. She turns and stomps off toward the back of the gallery, ready to completely lose control.

~~~

Michael is once again sitting in a sleazy bar drinking whiskey, and it isn’t even noon yet. After checking him out, a truck driver is more than willing to buy him drinks with the expectation of a quickie before he hits the road again.

He walks Michael out to his rig, and shows him his sleeping quarters. It isn’t long before they’re both finding release; afterwards he offers Michael twenty bucks. Michael’s shocked, he hates the idea that he might be considered a hustler like Hunter. An hour later he wishes he had taken the money, he really needs it. He’s broke.

~~~

Brian’s packing up his desk and computer, while Ted works on packing up all the dishes and small appliances. They’ve both been silent. It’s obvious that Brian doesn’t want to be here, but he also just wants it done as soon as possible.

“Brian. What about the furniture? Is the storage locker big enough to hold everything?”

“No. I only rented a small locker. I hate the idea of my designer furniture getting all dusty and dirty.”

“Is there any place at Britin where you can use it? It is a mansion after all.”

“As much as I love my sleek modern furniture, it’s not right for Britin. It just doesn’t fit with the design of the house.”

They continue packing up the living room and kitchen, and they both glance towards the bedroom. Teddy realizes that this will be the hardest room for Brian to pack.

“Let’s get some lunch. Afterwards we can come back and finish with the rest of this.”

“Sounds good.”

Emmett is excited because he can’t wait to show Ted Michael’s arrest report. But when he sees that Brian is with Ted, he knows he has to put his news on hold. 

“Hi, boys. Is it Blue Jeans Day at Kinnetik?”

“Something like that. We’re doing some spring cleaning.”

A few minutes later Justin enters the diner and approaches their table. Brian smirks. “Hey. How’s it going? Had a busy morning?”

Justin grins. “I feel like checking out some of the bars: Boy Toy, Meathook, but it’s only lunchtime.”

“I’d be glad to take you to the baths after lunch.”

Justin rolls his eyes. “Brian!”

“Why the long face, Baby?”

“I’ve just had an emotional morning, that’s all.”

Brian frowns, sure that Sydney was going to praise Justin’s painting, and he’s a little taken aback that Justin isn’t beaming.

“Hey. It’s just one review. Besides, what the hell does he know?”

Justin grins. There’s that sunshine smile Brian loves so much.

“It’s not that… Sydney was great. He gave me a glowing review, and some pointers on my paintings and how to respond to critics.”

“I knew he was going to love your artwork! Let’s celebrate tonight. I’ll take you someplace special, your choice.”

Justin’s all smiles now, as he leans over and kisses Brian, letting his passion flow. Finally pulling away he mentions, “So I stopped by Kinnetik and Cynthia said you were at the loft. I went by, but of course my key didn’t work because Michael changed the locks.”

“Oh… Ted was helping me pack up everything for storage.”

“So, you’re serious. You want to sell the loft.”

“You’re selling the loft?”

“Emmett, please!”

“It just that this is the first I’ve heard about it.”

Brian glances at Ted, happy to know that he didn’t feel the need to tell Emmett his business.

“It’s part of our past, but it’s not part of our future.”

Justin bites his tongue, knowing that once Brian makes up his mind, it’s a done deal.

“But I did drive past the old Flamingo Motel this morning.”

“Oh, time for a quickie before work?”

“Emmett!”

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

“Isn’t that the old dilapidated building with bright pink paint that’s peeling?”

Ted shakes his head. “Once upon a time, but that’s not true these days. I heard that an interior design firm bought it, and it’s been under renovation for the last six months. It looks pretty good these days.”

“Yeah, well, there’s a ‘For Sale’ sign in the window. I called Jen and asked her about it. She said that they ran out of money before it was finished. But she thinks the real reason is because it’s just a couple of blocks off Liberty Avenue, and they were uncomfortable about the location.”

“I’m still not sure what building you’re talking about?”

“You can see for yourself. I’m meeting your mom there this afternoon.”

“You want to buy it?” 

“Yes, and I think you’ll like it. All the structural elements have been inspected and meet code. They were planning on taking out the pool, but I’d like to keep it.”

“You want to expand Kinnetik?”

“Well, that’s an idea, but not the one I had in mind. I was thinking it could be our new place in town. We can remodel it, and you can have a studio. There’s a courtyard in the back, with a pool in the middle, and the old motel rooms around the outer edges.” 

“What would we need all those rooms for?”

“Well they’re already set up with small kitchenettes, a bathroom, and a large living space.”

“You want to be a landlord?”

“Not exactly. As I recall you had a hard time finding studio space in town. With the Art Deco design, all the units’ outer walls are glass. They face the courtyard, and the street, providing lots of light, while the other shared walls separate the units.”

“It’s a small motel, with only six units. Two on each side, plus the main motel that we’d keep.”

“So you’ve already seen it?”

“No. Your mom sent me a link to the video. It isn’t on the market yet, so it’s not posted online.”

~~~

“Lindsay. Where’s Justin?” 

“Sydney, I had no idea that he was coming in today.”

“No, I didn’t tell you. It’s not my place to inform you of my schedule. I was hoping to take him to lunch.”

“Why would you want to see him? His work is mediocre, amateur at best, not really something that would meet our standards.”

“Is that what you think, Lindsay? In the past you’ve always praised his work.”

“Well, I shouldn’t mention this, but he’s still suffering from the effects of his bashing. I don’t think his paintings will ever rise to the expectations we all once hoped for.”

“Lindsay. Have you seen his recent works of art?”

“No, I try to not be put in a position where I have to give my opinion. I hate the idea of crushing his dreams.”

“I suggest you take the time. As a matter of fact you can hang the three paintings I asked him to leave here.”

“I suppose I can find a place to squeeze them in on the back wall. I’m sorry to have put you in that position of having to display his paintings. We both know you’re only doing it out of feeling an obligation to me.”

“Lindsay! Justin’s paintings and my decision to want them in my gallery has nothing to do with you! Now I want them placed up front, where everyone coming into the gallery can see them. You can move those charcoal drawings to where your friend Adrienne Bennett’s painting are, and hers to the back wall.”

“Sydney, you’ve got to be kidding me!”

“Lindsay, part of your responsibilities as the manager is to find new and upcoming artists to showcase in the gallery. I’m not sure what your issues are with Justin, but it’s interfering with your judgement. We might have lost this opportunity if I hadn’t run into Justin in the art store.”

Lindsay stands there with her mouth open, and then clamps it shut, pouting.

“You know, I’m not sure what’s been going on with you recently. You’ve been moody and you’ve missed a lot of work.”

Lindsay shakes her head, not knowing how to explain herself.

“Have you considered seeing a doctor? I’m concerned about you.”

“Yes! I have been seeing a psychiatrist, and I’m taking my medication. I just need everyone to back off!”

“Oh… I thought maybe you were pregnant. But I see it’s something more serious.”

“I’m taking my Prozac! So get off my back!”

“You know I’m thinking maybe you should take some time off. I’m worried about you.”

“But you need me. Who will run the gallery if I’m not here?”

“My wife Ruth and I ran the gallery for years together. I’m sure she can step in and help out, until I find a replacement.”

“What? A replacement! Sydney, are you firing me?”

“Why don’t we both take some time, and then see how you’re feeling. I think this is probably best for both of us.”

~~~

“So why don’t I pick up Gus, and then come to the loft and pack up my art supplies, and Gus can pack his toys?”

“Justin. I’m sure Ted and I can handle it. You two have fun together this afternoon.”

“I’m free this afternoon. Why don’t we all pack up the loft, then we’ll be done in no time?”

“Emmett!”

“I think that’s a great idea.”

“Justin!”

“Brian, what is wrong with you today?”

“Most of the loft is already packed, Ted and I can finish it up in no time.”

“Brian, I want to see the loft one more time.”

“Why?”

“I just do. I guess I need closure.”


“It’s not an old boyfriend, Justin.”

They glare at each other for a few minutes. Brian finally realizes this is an argument he isn’t going to win, and he doesn’t want to deal with a pissed-off husband the rest of the night.

~~~

I’m standing in the warm spring rain, letting the raindrops hide my tears, as I contemplate what I should do. The smart thing to do would be to just go back to my mom’s and face the music. Who knows? Maybe by now Brian will have forgiven me, even rescinded his complaint against me. No, that’s unlikely, because by now they’ll have found out everything. 

They’ll have seen me on the surveillance cameras wearing my blond wig, styled like Justin’s hair. Seen me trying on Justin’s clothes, primping in the mirror and touching myself, pretending I was him, and Brian is groping me. They’ll have seen me finding Justin’s stilettos, stockings, and teddy, and how excited I was as I rolled around on the bed. Seeing how much I loved the feel of all that silky lingerie against my skin, and how I lost control and soaked the delicate fabric. When I finished, I was repulsed by my behavior. I tore off the lacy garments, tearing them to shreds, and then I used them as toilet paper. 

But within hours I regretted my actions, and that’s when I started searching through the rest of Justin’s things. I knew that if Justin had one set of lingerie, there’d be more, and there was… The only thing I regret is that I had to leave them all behind. In the wee hours every night I’d dress up in Justin’s silky lingerie, letting myself get lost in my fantasies. I now daydreamed, putting myself in Justin’s life, dreaming about all the things him and Brian do together. I can’t help replaying my favorite fantasy over and over again in my head. I long to wear those silky garments and feel the stockings cover my legs. I loved that euphoric feeling that overtook all my senses; it was the best drug I’ve ever experienced. It makes me jealous knowing it isn’t me that Brian shares those intimate moments with, it will never be me.

I’m leaning against the side of the building at the truck stop, my wet clothes sticking to me. In some bizarre biker/trucker sort of way the big burly bears are attracted to me. It was easy really. I simply smile when one of them nods at me, as he comes out of the diner to head back on the road.

And that was it. I was gone, on the road to nowhere special. Never looking back… 

TBC…