Manipulations

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Justin rolled over and broke contact with Brian’s body.  He was instantly awake.  He looked back to see Brian staring at him.



“How long have you been awake?” Justin asked.



“I don’t think I was ever asleep.”



“What time is it?”



“4 am.”



“You need some sleep.  You’ll have to get up before too long.”



“I know, but I can’t sleep.”



“Why?  What’s wrong?”  Justin looked worried.  “You’re not going to take it back, are you?”



“You know me better than that.  I say what I mean, and I don’t regret it.”



“But this was so huge.  If you’re not comfortable with it, I won’t mind.  Much,” he added.  “I can wait till you’re sure.”



“Justin, I said ‘I love you’ and I meant it.  I don’t want to take it back.”



“Then what’s wrong?  Why can’t you sleep?”



“I don’t know.  I feel restless, like I need to do something, but I don’t know what it is.”



Brian started to get up.  Justin grabbed his hand.



“Stay with me?” he asked.



Brian lay back down.



“Talk to me, Brian.  I need to know what’s going on,” Justin pleaded.



“I feel strange,” Brian said.



“Strange?  How?”



“Like this isn’t really me.  Like I don’t know who I am anymore.”



“Don’t say that, please.  What you did for Ethan, and then hearing you tell me you love me, made this the best night of my life.  Don’t tell me that you regret what you did.”



Brian looked at him sadly.



“I don’t know, Justin.  I’m not sure of anything, and that’s what’s bugging me.  I don’t do doubts.  I have lived my life by fucking, not loving.  By never giving a shit, not by worrying and trying to protect people.  That isn’t me.  You called me a good man tonight.  I liked that.  I want to be a good man, but is that who I am?  Can I just change, and become something else?  What will that mean to you, to my job, to my friends, to my life?  I just don’t know.”



“It sounds like you’re having a mid-life crisis,” Justin said.



“Fuck you!  I’m nowhere near mid life yet!’



“Sorry.  I just meant that you are changing, and that’s causing you to doubt yourself.  But change can be good.  I like the new and improved Brian Kinney.  I think you will too, if you give him a chance.”



“I don’t know,” Brian said, shaking his head.



“Don’t worry.  I’ll help you.”  Justin ran his hand over Brian’s chest to soothe him.



Then he had a better idea.  Sex was always Brian’s release.  He leaned over and began sucking Brian’s nipples.  Brian looked surprised at first, but then gave in to the pleasure of the experience.  Justin had become very good with his mouth and lips.



After a few minutes of licking and sucking, Justin decided to up the ante.  He took a not so gentle bite of one nipple.



“Fuck!” Brian groaned.



Justin worked his way down to Brian’s navel.  He rimmed it with his tongue, then plunged his tongue in.  Brian squirmed.  Justin nipped all around, then licked his way down to Brian’s pubes.  He buried his face in the soft hair, and blew gently.  He felt Brian shiver.



Brian’s cock was rock hard and dripping.  Justin kissed the tip, and lapped up the pre-cum.  Brian groaned his pleasure.  Justin spread saliva and pre-cum all over Brian’s cock, licking and kissing the throbbing shaft.  Suddenly his mouth dove over Brian’s cock, taking the whole thing into his mouth and down his throat.



“Ahhh!” Brian moaned.



Justin worked Brian’s dick mercilessly.  He sucked hard and fast.  He licked slow and easy.  He kissed gentle and firm.  He nipped.  He pulled.  Brian writhed beneath his ministrations.



Finally Justin grabbed his balls, and Brian yelled his release.  He came into Justin’s mouth again and again, until he was exhausted and panting.



“Think you can rest now?” Justin asked sweetly.



“Umm Hmmm,” Brian said, already half asleep.



He did feel better.  Justin leaned over and kissed him softly.  Brian pulled Justin on top of him, like a security blanket.  Soon they were both asleep.



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When the alarm woke them, they were still in much the same position, Justin draped overtop of Brian, his head resting on Brian’s chest.



Brian kissed the top of his head, and said, “Wake up, Sleepy Head.”



“I’m awake.  I just didn’t want to move from this delicious position.  Do you know that your dick is between my legs, and it’s getting harder as we speak?”   Justin rubbed luxuriously up and down on Brian’s lower body, then closed his legs around Brian’s cock.



“Unhh,” Brian grunted.  “Naughty boy!  You’re going to have to pay for your lascivious activities.”



“I can hardly wait,” said Justin.



“Bold little thing, aren’t you?”



“My thing’s not so little!”



Brian laughed.  “That’s true.”  He grabbed Justin’s hard-on and gave it a tug.  He rubbed his thumb over the slit, spreading the pre-cum.



“Are you going to do more than play with that?” Justin asked, his eyes full of lust.    



“You are bad this morning!” Brian commented.



“I’m horny.  Fuck me!” Justin demanded.



Brian swatted his butt.  “Impatient, too.”



“Now!  Brian!” Justin attacked Brian’s mouth, kissing, sucking, nipping Brian’s lips, dueling with his tongue.



Breathlessly, Brian said, “Easy, Justin.”



“No!” was the reply.  “I want it now!”



Brian didn’t know what had brought out this side of Justin, but he was ready and able to take advantage of it.  He rolled over, taking Justin with him.  Now Justin was on his back, Brian on top of him.  Brian grabbed Justin’s hands and pinned them above his head.  Justin bit at Brian’s chin.  Brian bit back, on the soft skin of Justin’s neck.



Justin grunted.  He squirmed, trying to free his hands to grab hold of Brian, but Brian was having none of that.  He held Justin in position and continued to attack his neck.  He would have a good crop of hickeys.  Brian moved down to Justin’s chest, and nipped around one nipple.  He grabbed the nipple ring in his teeth, and pulled.



“Ow!” Justin gasped.



“Did I hurt you?  Was it too much?” Brian asked, concerned he had really hurt Justin.



“More!” Justin demanded.  His legs came up around Brian’s waist.  He bucked against Brian.  If he couldn’t get his hands free, he’d have to use other parts of his body.



Brian looked at him in wonder.



“What’s gotten into you?” Brian asked.



“I told you I’m horny.  I never got off last night after servicing you, and now you’ve got me pinned down, and you still won’t fuck me.  Hurry up!”



Brian was tempted to play a little more, but he saw the naked need in Justin’s eyes.  He thought better of it, and grabbed a condom.  He put it on and lubed his shaft.  He pushed Justin’s legs up, exposing his pucker.  He used one of his lubed fingers to open Justin’s pucker.  Justin writhed.  A second finger, and Justin almost screamed out the word, “Now!”



Brian threw Justin’s legs up on his shoulders and drove his penis in.  Justin exhaled between clenched teeth, and breathed, “Yesss!!!”



Brian leaned in and kissed him.  Justin grabbed Brian’s hair and pulled his head down, mashing their lips together.  Justin was like a wild thing, sucking and pulling Brian’s hair.  Brian pulled back, his head sore where Justin had hold of his hair.



Brian was on his knees, but he straightened up, tipping Justin up almost on to his shoulders.  This gave him complete access to Justin’s hole.  He drove in, finding his rhythm, hitting the prostate, responding to Justin’s need.  They continued that way, until Brian felt his balls contract.  He grabbed Justin’s cock and pulled.  Then they were both coming and coming, until all sense left them, Brian collapsing on top of Justin.



When they began to return to their senses, Justin kissed Brian, and said with an angelic smile, “Good morning, Brian.”



“Now you’re cheerful?” Brian asked.



“I feel great.”



“Un hunh.  What was that all about?”



“I just gave in to what I was feeling.  No censorship.  No holding back.”



“That’s for sure!”



“I wanted you, and I wanted you bad.  You haven’t changed, Brian.  You’re still you, despite what you think.”



“What!”



“You’re you.  I just wanted to show you.”



“That was some kind of fucked up therapy treatment?  I don’t want your fucking help, like that.”



“It wasn’t therapy.  I just wanted to show you that we can be different than we usually are, and yet be the same people.”



“Well, screw you!  I don’t need your psychological experimentation!  I’m going to work!”



Brian got up off the bed, and stormed into the bathroom.



“Shit!” said Justin.



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Brian paced back and forth in his office.  He was furious with Justin, trying to play mind games with him.  He hadn’t spoken to him, since he started to get ready for work.  Justin had tried to initiate conversation, but Brian had cut him off with the Kinney glare each time he opened his mouth.



He looked at “Rage” hanging on the office wall.  “My alter ego,” he said.  “Too bad I don’t have super-powers to banish my own doubts and fears.”



The feeling of unease continued.  He just didn’t feel right.  Brian knew he had to do something.



“Cynthia, come in here, please.”



Seconds later Cynthia stepped into his office.



“Yes, boss?” she said.



“Have you noticed anything different about me lately?  And be truthful.  Don’t hedge.”



“I’m not sure what you mean,” Cynthia said, not wanting to say the wrong thing and piss him off.



“I told you to be truthful, Cynthia.”



“Okay.  You seem calmer lately; more... kind, happy even.”



“Are you talking professionally or personally?” Brian asked.



“Personally.  The only difference professionally is that you have taken some time off lately, which you don’t normally do.”



“Do you think I’m getting soft with staff or clients?  Have I lost my edge?”



“You!  Good God, no!” Cynthia was emphatic.



“Well, that’s good to know.”



“Why are you asking?”



“I just needed to know.”



“What’s going on?” Cynthia pursued her curiosity.



“That’s all I wanted to know.  Thanks.  You can go back to your desk.”



Cynthia had been dismissed.  She got up and left.



“That didn’t tell me too much,” Brian thought.  “But at least I seem to be doing my job as I always have.  I can’t believe I’m having these self-doubts.  This is nuts.”



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When Brian arrived home that night, Justin had prepared jambalaya.  As soon as he realized this, Brian knew that Justin was making a significant gesture to mend fences.  This meal meant a lot to them.  It was really the beginning of them being together as a couple, although it had taken two days to actually eat that meal.  Neither of them could ignore its significance.



The table was set with candles, wine and crystal.  It looked lovely and Justin waited expectantly.



“Dinner’s ready,” Justin said.



Brian took off his jacket and sat down.  The jambalaya was very good.  He said so to Justin.



Justin seemed pleased.



“No more games, Brian.  I’m sorry about this morning.”



“Don’t be.  It was quite enjoyable.”



“Just enjoyable?  I thought it was fucking fantastic.”



“It was a fuck, and a fantasy,” Brian admitted.



“Didn’t you like it?” Justin asked, worried.



“Let it alone,” Brian said.



“Don’t shut me out.  I need to know what you think.”



“The fuck was great, but I told you this morning that I didn’t want to be part of your psychological manipulations.”



“Manipulations?  Look who’s talking!”  Justin was getting angry.



“I said ‘Leave it!’.  I don’t want to fight with you.”



“I don’t want to fight either, but you’re accusing me of something I didn’t do.  I was just trying to help you.”



“What part of ‘Leave it!’ don’t you understand?”



“Brian, be reasonable.”



“Fuck reasonable!  You are really starting to wear on my last nerve.  I’m going out.”



“Don’t leave.  We need to settle this.”



Brian went up to the bedroom and changed into jeans and a sweater.  He had to escape.  Justin was pushing too hard.



“Brian, talk to me.”



“Justin, no.  I’m leaving.  Consider this a work in progress, and you are pushing too hard.”



That shut Justin up.  Brian grabbed his keys and walked out.  On the stairs he used his cell phone to dial a number.  He arranged to meet at Woody’s.



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Brian saw Dick sitting at a corner table at Woody’s.  He walked over and said, “Hey.”



“How ya doing?” Dick asked.



“Let me get a beer first,” Brian said, signaling the waiter.



After he downed half the beer, Brian looked at Dick.  Dick waited.



“I thought you were the talker,” Brian said.



“I don’t need to talk. You do,” Dick replied.



“How old are you?”



“Twenty-seven.  Why?”



“I thought you were younger than that.”



“Sorry to disappoint you.”



“I’m not disappointed.  I’m amazed that you are so composed and self-assured at your age, whatever it is.”



Dick chuckled.  “Fooled you too.”



“What?”



“I’d hardly say I’m self-assured.  I have doubts, problems, worries, like everyone else.”



“It never seems that way.”



“I’m good at covering it up.”



“I used to be,” Brian thought.  Out loud he said, “It doesn’t seem like a pretense.”



“Well, it is and it isn’t.  I told you I’m a fatalist.  I get worried and scared, but then I just go with the flow.  It all works out, one way or another.”



“How do you go with the flow?”



“You just do.”



“I’m too much of a control freak to do that.”



“Then you have to deal with things differently.”



“Like how?”



“I don’t know, Brian.  You have to figure that out for yourself.  What’s wrong?”



“I’ve been making changes lately, and in doing that, I feel like I’m losing myself.  I’m not sure who I am anymore.”



“That’s heavy.”



“Yeah.  Creepy too.”



“Creepy?”



“I keep thinking I’m in the wrong body.  That I’ve been taken over by someone else.”



“Sounds like an X-Files episode.”



“Where’s Mulder when you need him?” Brian joked.



Dick laughed.  “It’s not like you to doubt yourself.  What precipitated this?”



“A few things.  Someone hurt Justin.  I went to confront him, to protect Justin.  Instead I ended up helping the kid.  It felt really good to do that.”



“And the problem would be ...?”



“That’s not me.  I should have reamed the guy.”



“But you said you felt good about what you did.”



“I did, at first.  The more I thought about it, the more I began to worry that by changing the rotten parts of me, I’ve lost myself.  I won’t be able to do my job.  My friends won’t like this new, soft guy.  Justin fell in love with the asshole I used to be.  I could lose everything.”



“Highly unlikely.”



“Why?”



“I’m not sure where I came in on the Brian Kinney transition, but I know you are a good man, always have been.”



“How can you possibly know that?”



“You are a generous lover.  I know that firsthand.  You can’t be generous at that, if you’re not generous in other ways.”



“Don’t be too sure.”  Brian looked at him skeptically.



“I am sure.  I saw you with your friends the other day.  They care about you.  They want you and Justin to be happy.  I could tell.  You are a good person.  I told Justin you had good intentions.”



“Why would you tell him that?”



“He said you were a manipulator.  I agreed.”



Brian rolled his eyes.  That’s what he had called Justin.



“But I said you had good intentions with your manipulations,” Dick said.



“Justin had good intentions too,” Brian thought.  “How do you know what my intentions were?” Brian asked Dick.



“Brian, give it a rest.  You’re blowing this all out of proportion.  Analyzing it to death.  You’ve believed your own PR for too long.  You are a good person.”



“I can’t help it.  I need to get back to myself.”



“You are yourself.  You can’t change what is innate, Brian.”



“What are you saying?”



“That you’ve always been a good, generous man.  Now that you’re dropping the pretense of being otherwise, you feel vulnerable and exposed.”



Brian’s jaw dropped.  His wide eyes stared at Dick.



“Am I right?” Dick asked.



Brian didn’t answer.  He continued to stare.  The wheels were turning.  Dick sat silently and waited.



“Fuck, you’re good!” Brian said.



Dick almost choked on his beer.



“I take that to mean that you think I’m right.”



Brian nodded.  “I can’t believe you did that.  I’ve been trying for days to figure out what’s bothering me about changing, why I was worried about something that should be good.  It’s because I’m exposing myself, what I’ve covered up all these years.  If people hated the ‘fuck ‘em all’ Brian Kinney, that was okay, because it wasn’t the real me.  But if they hate this new and improved Brian Kinney, they will be hating the real me.  I don’t know if I can handle that.”



“Why would they hate you?’



“I don’t know.  I just worry that they will.”



“You worry too much.  No one’s going to hate you.”



“Justin does, at the moment.”



“Did you walk out on him again?”



“Afraid so.”



“Same advice.  Go home and talk to him.”



“Sure.  In a minute.  Let’s have another beer first.”



“Aren’t you done talking?”



“Yes, but I’d like to sit and mull this over a bit.”



“Another beer would be great,” Dick said.



As they sipped their beers, Brian made small talk with Dick.  At the same time he was plotting what to do.  Finally he said, “Dick, some time soon I’d like you to talk to Justin.  I need him to back off a bit, but he doesn’t seem to hear me when I tell him.  Would you tell him?”



“I could try, but there are no guarantees.”



“Thanks.  I’ll suggest that he talk to you.”



“Okay.”



“Home, to face the music,” Brian said, standing up.



“Once again, good luck.”



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Brian opened the door to the loft with some trepidation.  Justin was sketching on the couch.



“Hey,” he said, like nothing had happened.



“Hey.”  Brian wondered at Justin’s attitude.  He had thought Justin would still be mad.  “What have you been doing?”



“Thinking and sketching.”



“In that order?”



“I’m sorry I push so much.  I just want to fix things.  Make them perfect.”



“There’s no such thing as perfect, and you do push too much.”



“I’ll try not to.  I heard you say ‘Work in Progress’.  That’s why I let you go.  I do get it.  Where did you go?”



“I talked to Dick.  He helped a lot.”



“Where I made it worse.” Justin frowned.



“I understand what you were trying to do, but sometimes it’s just too much.”



“Can I make it up to you?” Justin asked.



“Would you talk to Dick?” Brian said.



“Do you want me to?  I guess I could.”



“It might help.”



“Okay.  But right now could we do something other than talk?”



“Sounds good.  What did you have in mind?”



“The bed,” Justin said.



“You don’t have to ask me twice,” Brian laughed.



Justin flew off the couch into Brian’s arms.  They kissed passionately and began getting rid of clothes.



“Is this going to be the normal Justin or the sex fiend from this morning?” Brian asked between kisses.



“Which one do you want?”



“The crazed sex fiend had some interesting attributes, but I’m kind of fond of the old Justin,” Brian said.



“He’s all yours.”



“You bet, Sunshine.”



Brian pulled the now naked Justin up to the bedroom.  “Lay down on your stomach,” he said.



Justin obliged.  Brian knelt beside him and kissed the back of his neck.  Justin turned his head so their lips could meet.  Brian turned him over for a more passionate kiss.



“Do you want anything in particular?” Brian asked.



“I love anything you do.  You don’t have to be so tentative,” Justin said.



“You think I’m tentative?”


“Not really, but it’s not like you to ask.  You just take charge.”



“Shit!” Brian said.  “I’m messing everything up.  I have changed everything.”



“Brian, it’s all right.  Just do what you want.”



“I was going to give you a good rimming.”



“Sounds good,” Justin grinned.



Brian still looked concerned, but he pushed Justin over exposing his ass.  He kissed the back of Justin’s neck, then ran his tongue down the ridge of his back to the crack of his ass.  He nibbled on Justin’s delicious bottom.  Justin wiggled his approval.  Brian pulled up his bottom, exposing more to his mouth and tongue.  He pressed the cheeks apart and blew on the pucker.  It spasmed a response and Justin took in a sharp breath.



Brian smiled.  He blew again, and then kissed and nipped all around the pleasure hole.  Finally his tongue licked over the pucker.  It spasmed again.  Another lick and his tongue darted in.  Justin’s head shot up and he moaned.  Brian’s tongue worked in and out, followed by more kisses and licks.  Justin writhed and pushed back to meet the tongue.  Brian continued his tongue fuck a little longer.



Justin was panting.  “Please, Brian!  My cock’s so hard, it hurts.  Fuck me, please!”



“Since you ask so nicely,” Brian said.



He donned a condom and plunged in.  The tight warmth inside of Justin surrounded Brian’s cock.



“I love being inside you,” Brian whispered.



“I love you there too,” Justin replied.



Brian started long, slow thrusts, hitting Justin’s prostate on random strokes.  Justin rocked into each thrust, his moans increasing in volume and need.  Brian picked up the pace, reaching under Justin to pull him back to meet each thrust.



Justin yelled, “Yes, Brian.  Oh, yes!”


Brian began stroking Justin’s cock, matching the movements of his own cock as it plowed in and out.  He felt Justin tense as his orgasm approached.  Brian pounded harder against Justin’s ass, and increased the speed of his hand working Justin’s cock.



“Oh, ohhh, Brian!!”  Justin yelled, as he came in a blinding orgasm.  His anus constricted around Brian’s penis and Brian was lost to his orgasm too.



“My only Sunshine,” he gasped, as he collapsed on top of Justin.



They lay like that for a while.  When Brian moved, Justin said, “Don’t go.  Stay inside.  I love being this close to you.”



“Me too.”  He kissed Justin’s cheek.



“Why can’t everything else be this simple and good?” Justin asked.



“Yeah.  Simple and good,” Brian whispered.



If only that little voice of doubt at the back of his head would go away.

Doubts  

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Brian and Justin had been back together for a few weeks now.  Brian wasn’t sure there was any such thing as domestic bliss, but he thought this might be about as close as it got.  He was glad to have Justin back and living with him.  He slept better, and the sex was no less fantastic than always.  They had had their ups and downs already.  He had walked out a couple of times, but he had come back and they had worked it out.  He didn’t expect it to be easy, but sometimes he wondered if they could maintain it.  He knew he wasn’t easy to live with, and Justin had come back a more mature, and demanding, partner.  He wasn’t going to allow Brian free reign.  They didn’t have rules, which had been such a disaster before, but they did have some limits on what they were willing to tolerate.  So far things had gone pretty well, but it was the long term that was the question mark.



They spent those weeks re-establishing a rhythm to their lives.  Brian went to work and Justin to school.  Everything seemed to be fine, except for a little voice in the back of Brian’s brain that whispered of doubt and fear.  It just wouldn’t go away.



Most of the time Brian could ignore it, find enough to do to push it away into the background.  However, there were times when it demanded to be heard, and Brian would start to worry.



Lindsay and Mel invited them for dinner one Friday.  Brian was looking forward to seeing Gus.  He hoped he might have a quiet word with Lindsay too.  He wondered if she would notice the changes in him and how she would react.



They arrived early after work, so they could have some play time with Gus before he had to go to bed.  Melanie let them in.  Gus ran to his father shouting, "Dada, Dada.”



Brian scooped him up and hugged him tight.



“Sonny Boy,” he said, kissing him and blowing raspberries on his cheek.



Gus giggled.  “Love you, Dada,” he said.



“I love you too,” Brian said.



“Down!” Gus demanded.



“Okay,” said Brian, setting him down.  Gus took his hand and pulled Brian towards the coffee table.



“What?  Where are we going?”



“See,” said Gus, pointing to the coffee table.



“What’s this?”  Brian picked up a paper containing two red handprints.  “Are these yours?” Brian asked.



Gus nodded and beamed at Brian.



“Let’s see,” Brian said.  “Show me how your hands fit.”



He set the paper on the table, and Gus positioned his own little hands over the red prints.



“A perfect fit,” Brian said.  “Well done, Sonny Boy.”



“For you,” Gus said.



“This is for me?” Brian asked.



Gus nodded.



“Thank you, Gus.”  Brian kissed him.  “I’ll find a special place for this at home.”



Gus smiled.



“The refrigerator’s always a good spot,“ Melanie offered.  “They make these little magnet things that will hold papers on the door.”



“No kidding!” Brian said, rolling his eyes.  “The wonders of modern technology!”



“Wise ass,” Melanie sniped.



Justin moved in.  “That’s great, Gus.  One of these days we’ll have to paint together.”



Gus clapped his hands and bounced up and down.



“Come on, Gus.  Show me what you can build with your blocks.”  Justin led Gus over to his play area.



“Dinner’s almost ready,” Lindsay said, coming in from the kitchen.  She gave Brian a kiss.



“Will you serve some wine, Mel?” she asked.



Melanie went to the kitchen to get drinks for everyone.  Lindsay sat down beside Brian.



“How are things with you and Justin?” she asked.



“Mostly good,” Brian said.



“Mostly?”



“I’m very glad to have him back.  It’s just that sometimes he pushes too hard.”



“He’s young.  Impatient.”



“I know.  But it’s hard to take sometimes.”



“Try to talk it out.  You’ve made so much progress already.”


“Do you think I’ve changed?”



“You’re sure a lot happier now that you have Justin back with you.”



“Yeah.  I am happy, but ... “



“But?  Is something wrong?”



“I’m not sure we can keep this up.  I think I’ve changed and it worries me.”



“Believe me, different than you used to be, can only be an improvement,” Melanie chimed in, handing Brian a glass of red wine.



Brian flipped her the finger.  Lindsay swatted him.



“Brian, I think you are better than ever,” said Lindsay.  “I’m proud of what you’re doing with your life.”



“Thanks,” Brian said.



Just then a timer went off in the kitchen, and Lindsay went to check on the food.



Brian watched her go.  She didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with him, and Mel sure treated him the same.  He had no qualms about biting back, when she nipped at him.  Maybe he was worrying for nothing.



“Come on, everybody.  Dinner’s ready,” Lindsay announced.



Gus sat in his high chair between Brian and Justin.  Brian did his best to make sure that most of the food actually got into Gus’ mouth.



“I wonder if my parents helped me like this,” Brian thought.  He had no happy memories of his parents feeding him, playing with him, hugging him.



“You look sad, Brian,” Lindsay said.



“Just thinking,” he replied.



“About what?”

Brian hesitated, not sure he wanted to reveal his thoughts.



“About my childhood,” he said reluctantly.



“Not happy memories?” Lindsay asked.



“No,” was the only reply.



“More wine?” Melanie asked, trying to lighten the mood.



Brian drank several more glasses of wine, but ate very little, often transferring his portion to Justin’s plate.



Soon after dinner, Gus was put to bed.  Brian continued to drink.  Lindsay tried to interest him in various topics of conversation, but he had grown very quiet, barely responding.  Lindsay and Justin talked a bit about art, and then Justin suggested they leave.  Brian seemed indifferent, but when Justin stood up, so did he.  They kissed Lindsay and Justin kissed Melanie.



Melanie said to Justin, “Don’t let him drive.”



Justin nodded.  He steered Brian to the passenger side of the Jeep.  He didn’t protest.  Justin drove them to the loft, and pulled Brian into the elevator.  He didn’t resist.



Once inside the loft, he sat Brian down on the couch.



“Brian,” he said, “look at me.”



Brian looked up, and stared into Justin’s eyes.  “I love you,” he said.



“I love you too,” Justin responded.



“I never heard that as a child.  I don’t remember my parents ever saying that.  Not to Claire, or to me, or to each other.  I don’t want Gus to grow up like that.”



“He won’t, because you told him you love him tonight, and Lindsay and Mel tell him that all the time.  So do I.  And he loves us back.”



“That’s good,” Brian said.



“Yes, it’s good.  Every child should be loved.”



“Not me.  Not good enough.”



“Yes you are.  Your parents were just fucked up.”



“Do you understand why it’s so hard for me?”



“I’m starting to.”



“I never had love.  I don’t know what it is, how to say it, how to give it.”



“Yes you do.  You give it to me all the time.  You give it to Gus and Lindsay and Michael.”



“I do?”



“Of course, you do.  You may not say ‘I love you’ easily, but you demonstrate it in lots of ways.”



“Really?  You see that?”



“Yes.”



“I try.”



“I know you do,” Justin tried to reassure him.



“Can we make love tonight?”



“Of course. Come to bed.”



Justin led Brian up to the bedroom.  He slowly undressed Brian, and Brian undressed him.  He seemed to be regaining his composure.  They kissed long and passionately.  When they lay down together, Brian felt such tenderness for Justin.  He cradled him in his arms, and ran his fingers through Justin’s hair, looking intently into his eyes.  He wanted to soak up every aspect of the young man.



They made love slowly and intensely.  Kisses created a connection that they didn’t want to break.  Hands explored everywhere, tracing the shape and feel of each other, so that they would never forget.  Scents, textures, souls mixed and mingled, as they blended into each other.  They had never been so close, so intense, so in love.



When they reached their climax, they lay together in each other’s arms, happier and more content than they had ever been.  That was how they fell asleep, wrapped around each other.



ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss



They awoke with the sun streaming in on them.  Brian watched the sun play over Justin’s face and hair, and the pendant he never took off.



“Good morning, my only sunshine,” he said, tugging on the little sun.



Justin smiled and kissed him.  “Is this real?  Last night was magic,” Justin said.



“Enough magic to weather any storms,” Brian added.



“Enough magic for forever.”



“Yeah.”



“We could stay in bed all day,” Justin suggested.



“We could, but I have a better idea.”



“You do?”



“How would you like to take Gus on a picnic today?”



“That sounds great, but we better call Lindsay to arrange it.”



“I’ll do that now.”



They picked up Gus an hour later.  Justin had packed food in his knapsack.  The idea of Brian Kinney having a cooler was almost too funny for words.  Brian had never actually done anything like this before.



Justin suggested a park his parents used to take him to.  It was out in the suburbs, about as close to nature as Brian really wanted to get.  They had brought a blanket which they spread out on the grass.  Gus toddled around.  He soon discovered that if he kept on toddling, one of them would get up and chase him.  This was a great game, especially when he would be scooped up and spun around when he was caught.  He giggled and ran.   They chased him, neither he nor the adults seeming to tire of the game.



They ate Justin’s food.  He had brought bread, cheese, and carrot sticks.  It tasted so good out in the fresh air.  Brian and Justin had some wine and Gus had juice from his sippy cup.



After lunch they each took one of Gus’ hands.  “Just like the sketch,” Brian thought.  They walked Gus around looking at the flowers and rocks.  He had brought a little plastic ball which he would try to throw, and they would roll it back to him.  He would giggle and chase it.



People in the park seemed to be watching them.  They were having so much fun.  Their laughter was pure and spontaneous.  People smiled to see them.  They kissed Gus, and he rode around on Brian’s shoulders for a while.  Brian leaned over and kissed Justin, while Gus giggled as he tipped sideways.  Brian righted him, and said, “I love you, Sonny Boy.”



As they passed a man and a woman sitting on a bench, the woman looked up at them and said, “Lovely family.”  She smiled her approval.



“Thanks,” said Brian.  This did feel like his family, and he was very proud of it.  That little voice receded a bit more.



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After they dropped off Gus, who had fallen sound asleep in his car seat, Brian looked at Justin and said, “I’m beat.  Gus is better than two hours at the gym.”



“He’s a going concern.  You carried him around for most of the day.”



“My muscles are going to be so stiff tomorrow.”



Justin looked like a light bulb had just gone off in his head.  “Let’s go for massages,” he said.



“And what type of massage did you have in mind?” Brian asked suggestively.



“Not the kind you’re thinking of.”  Justin blushed.  “A real massage, deep muscle.  We can do the other kind of massage later.”



“That actually sounds good,” Brian admitted.  “I know a good place.  Let me call and see if they can take us.”



Brian placed the call, and Justin heard him promise ‘a little extra’.



“All set,” Brian said.  “They needed a little persuasion, but we’ve been fitted in.”



“Good.  Let’s go.”



When they arrived at the spa, they were immediately ushered into a room with two massage tables.  The girl told them to get undressed and the masseur would be right with them.



“What kind of persuasion did you use to do this?” Justin asked, noting the side by side tables.



“I’ve been here before. They’re very accommodating.”



“I’m surprised we’re together, in the same room.”



“Wait till you see the masseurs,” Brian said.



Just then the door opened, and in walked two Scandinavian gods.  They were blonde, late twenties, and identical twins.  Justin’s mouth dropped.



“Thor, Erik,” Brian said.  “Good to see you again.”



“Mr. Kinney,” they responded in a very professional way.



“This is Justin Taylor,” Brian said, introducing the younger man.



“Good afternoon,” Erik said.  “I’ll be doing your massage, Mr. Taylor.  If you’ll remove your towel, and lay down on the bed, we can get started.”



With a quick glance at Brian, Justin did so.  Brian got on the table next to him.  Both lay on their stomachs, and by turning their heads they could look at each other whenever they chose.  They smiled, then closed their eyes, ready to enjoy the experience.



Thor and Erik were very good at what they did.  They warmed oil in their hands, and started spreading it over the backs of the two men.  They worked the shoulders first, squeezing, rubbing and pulling, until the tight muscles began to loosen.  They continued down the back, working along the spine.  Next the hips and buttocks were pressed and kneaded.  That elicited long sighs.



Justin looked over at Brian.  Brian smiled at him, then closed his eyes again, luxuriating in the sensations.  The twins worked down the legs, and finished with a to-die-for foot massage.  When they finished, they quietly left the room.  Brian heard the door click shut, and looked over at Justin.  Justin stared back.



“That felt great, but I’ve had a hard-on since Erik first touched my ass,” Justin said.



“So have I.  Come over here.”



Brian turned on to his back, his penis red and swollen.  Justin’s hard-on matched it, as he stepped over to Brian’s massage table.  He leaned in and kissed Brian passionately.  Brian pulled him on top of him, and they began grinding their hips together, cocks caught deliciously in between.  They continued their kisses as they bucked and rubbed against each other.  As they enjoyed the tantalizing friction, Brian clasped Justin to him.  His one hand wandered down to Justin’s ass, and began toying with his pucker.  Brian dipped his fingers into the oil next to the table.  One oily finger, then two, opened the pucker.  Justin’s breaths became gasps, and he ground his hips against Brian more frantically.



Brian grabbed a condom from the table.



“They certainly are prepared here,” Justin observed.



“They know my requirements,” Brian said.



“You’ve been here with others?” Justin asked, not wanting to hear the answer.



“Once or twice, but so far this is the best,” Brian said, smoothing Justin’s hair.



“So far?” Justin repeated.  “Let’s make it unforgettable.”  He took the condom, and slipped it over Brian’s dick.  He was kneeling astride Brian’s legs.  He shifted up a bit, and Brian held his penis steady, as Justin lowered himself on to it.



“Best,” Brian gasped.



“Only the best for you,” Justin agreed.  He stayed still for a minute, Brian’s cock filling him, loving the sensation of possessing Brian.  He leaned over and kissed the man.  “Ready for a wild ride?” he asked.



“Always ready,” was Brian’s patented response.



Justin had full control of the situation.  On his knees, he slowly rose up and rotated his hips.  Brian groaned.  Justin slid back down, resting on Brian’s hips, fully impaled.  He stopped again.  Brian’s eyes looked lustfully at him.  Justin grinned.



“What are you planning?” Brian asked.



“I’m feeling very flexible after my massage,” he said.



He leaned back, until his back almost touched Brian’s legs.  Brian’s penis started to slip out of Justin.  Justin squeezed his anal muscles, trapping the tip of Brian’s cock.



“Fuck!”  Brian sucked in his lips.



Justin sat up and impaled himself fully on the cock again.



“Jesus, Justin,” Brian moaned.



“There’s more.”  Justin smiled.



He leaned forward so his chest rested on Brian’s chest.  Again, as Brian’s penis began to slide out, he clenched his muscles and trapped the tip.



Brian groaned louder.



Justin kissed him, shoving his tongue down his throat, still keeping the tip of Brian’s penis trapped.  Then he straightened up as he had before, and took all of Brian’s penis back in.  He repeated these motions twice more.



Brian’s moans grew louder and his head flopped from side to side.  Suddenly he grabbed Justin’s hips, and pushed him up and down on his cock.  His own hips bucked up to meet Justin’s downward movement, so that they met in a powerful collision.  Justin knew he wouldn’t last long.  A couple of tugs on his cock, and he was coming all over Brian’s chest.  His anus contracted around Brian’s penis, and he shot his load inside Justin.



Brian pulled Justin against his pounding heart, and held him tight.  They kissed long and sensuously, as their senses returned to normal.



“You have the best ideas,” Brian said.



“I’m so relaxed I don’t know if I can stand up.”



“Just stay put for now.  I like you on top of me.”



“Don’t we have to get out of here?  Someone else may need the room.”



“We’re the last clients today.  They stayed a bit longer for us.”



“Are they waiting for us?” Justin asked, worried that someone might come in.



“I told them they could leave after the massage.  We have the place to ourselves.  We just have to lock up when we leave.”



“How well do you know those guys?”



Brian gave him an eye roll.



“I should have known,” Justin said.  “Both of them?”



“Of course. They’re a matched pair.”



“At the same time?”



Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek, and grinned.   



“You are incorrigible.”



“But terribly good,” Brian bragged.



“I’ll give you that,” Justin agreed, grinning.



Brian kissed him again.



“Want to go again?’ Justin asked.



“Now who’s incorrigible?”



“Don’t you think you’re up to it?” Justin taunted.



“I didn’t say that.”



“Then show me your stuff,” he challenged.



Brian sat up and swatted Justin’s butt.



“Hmm,” he said.  “So many lotions and potions, so little time.  Where shall we start?”



“How about a butt massage from you?” Justin asked.



“I think we can arrange that.  Lay down on your stomach.”



Justin did so, and Brian began kneading his luscious ass.



“I hope these massage tables are up to the pounding,” Brian said, as he climbed on top of Justin.



ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss



The next morning Justin awoke to Brian’s kisses.



“I think yesterday was the best day of my life,” Brian said.



“So when I ask you what’s the best day you ever had, you’ll have an answer, right?”



“Right.”



“There’s just one problem,” Justin said.



“What problem?”



“I thought massages were supposed to relax your muscles.  I’m so stiff; I don’t think I can stand up.”



“That’s because of all the contortions you were doing at the massage parlor.”



“We did find some good positions, didn’t we?” Justin giggled.



“Damn right!  I wasn’t sure some of them were possible...”



“Me either.”



“You certainly are a creative lover,” Brian complimented him.



“It’s my artistic streak.”



“I always knew you were an artist just not in so many interesting ways.”



“We’ve barely scratched the surface, Mr. Kinney.”



Brian knew he was in for an interesting ride, as long as he had Justin with him, and as long as he could keep that little voice in his head at bay.

Calm Before the Storm  

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Everything seemed to be going well for Brian and Justin.  They had been getting along pretty well, with relative tranquility.  Perhaps it was the calm before the storm, as that little voice kept whispering to Brian, or perhaps it was the way things were supposed to be.  That remained to be seen.



They spent a lot of time with each other, and not much with their friends.  The only outing had been the dinner at Lindsay and Mel’s.  That hadn’t gone too well, but afterwards had been spectacular.



One evening as Brian worked on the computer, and Justin did some schoolwork, Justin looked up and said, “Let’s go to Babylon.”



“I thought you had homework.”



“Nothing that can’t wait.  Call the guys and see if they’re interested in going.  We could meet them there.”



“Okay.  We really haven’t done anything with them since the brunch,” Brian said.



He called Michael who said he and Ben could make it.  Ted and Emmett were already planning to go.



“I just can’t imagine those two as a couple,” Brian said.



“Like they couldn’t imagine us at first?” Justin asked.



“Hardly!”  Brian looked horrified.  “I’m half Ted’s age, and you’re much prettier than Emmett.”



“Flattery will get you laid later,” Justin joked.



“Hasn’t taken too much flattery lately!” Brian smirked.



“So I’m a pushover for older men.”



“Stay away from Ted.”



“No worries there.  He belongs to Emm now.”



Brian shook his head, still finding that hard to believe.



They dressed in their best club clothes, suitably slutty.  Brian had his skin-tight black jeans, and equally skin-tight black shirt.  Justin wore blue jeans and a shiny silver shirt, open almost to the navel.



“We are one hot pair!” Brian said.



“The hottest!  We are going to set that place sizzling.”



Brian noticed the pendant, clearly visible with Justin’s open shirt.  Justin saw where his eyes lingered.



“Do you want me to take it off, so no one will know,” he volunteered.



“No,” Brian said.  “Let them see it, and tell them that I gave it to you.”



“Who are you, and where’s the real Brian Kinney?” Justin asked.  “You want me to tell them?”



“Yep.  Only what’s on the back belongs only to me and you.  Okay?”


“Okay!”



“Let’s go.”



When Brian and Justin walked into Babylon together, you could almost hear the gasp.  This was the first time since the “Rage” fiasco that most people had seen either of them, let alone together.  They were a striking pair.  Brian, black and brooding, and Justin, silver and sparkling.  Heads turned and conversations stopped.



Brian took Justin’s hand, claiming him as his own, and led him over to the bar where he had seen the guys.



“That was quite an entrance, you two!” Emmett noted.



“You’ve just created a mad rush on the washrooms, so guys can jerk off,” Ted said.



Brian smirked and Justin did his best “innocent me” face.  Brian ordered two beers.



Michael gave Brian a kiss, and said, “Haven’t seen you in days.”



“Yeah, we decided to rejoin society,” Brian said.



“I’m glad you’re back,” Michael said sincerely.



Ben seemed to be observing all this, but making no comment.



“Is that a new piece of jewelry that I see?” Emmett asked Justin, pointing to the pendant.



“Yes.  Brian gave it to me,” Justin said proudly.



“Well, well, well!  A sun for Sunshine!  How romantic!  And we thought Brian didn’t have a sentimental bone in his body,” Emmett said.



Brian rolled his eyes.  “I can be as sentimental as the next guy,” he said.



“Yeah, if the next guy is Attila the Hun,” Ted said.



Brian glared at him.  “Let’s dance,” he said to Justin.



They all made their way out onto the floor.  Brian rested his hands on Justin’s shoulders, and leaned his forehead against Justin’s.  They had eyes only for each other, but everyone else seemed to have eyes for them.  They gyrated against each other in a primal dance for two.



After a couple of dances, Ted leaned over to Brian and said, “If you two keep this up, I’m going to have to jerk off too.”



“Still into that, are you?”  Brian asked.



Ted sputtered, “I just meant that you were putting on quite a show.”



“I always do my best to entertain.”



“And how!” Ted added.



“Let’s get another drink,” Brian said to Justin.



They went back to the bar and got a couple of beers.  The others soon joined them.



“So what have you guys been doing?” Emmett asked suggestively.



“Lots of that!  We also took Gus on a picnic,” Brian said rather proudly.



“A picnic,” Ted snorted. "How plebeian!  Did you get grass stains on your designer slacks?”



“As a matter of fact, we had a blast!” Brian said emphatically.



“My God, Justin!  You’ve turned him into a suburban hausfrau!” Emmett said, horrified.



Brian rolled his eyes.  “You should try communing with nature sometime, Emm.”



Emmett looked thoroughly disgusted.  “Dirt, bugs, dog poop.  No thanks!”



“I really enjoyed the country that time I went to David’s cabin,” said Michael wistfully, then looked apologetically at Ben.



“That’s part of the reason I wanted to go to Tibet,” Ben said.  “The mountains, clear air.”



“My, my, aren’t we all philosophical tonight.  I need another drink,” Emmett said.



“Why didn’t you go?” Justin asked Ben.



“Some things became more important,” Ben said, kissing Michael’s cheek.



Brian watched them.  “Choices,” he said.



Ben looked at him.  “Choices are what life’s about.  They define who we are.”



“Choices, not change,” Brian thought to himself.



“Earth to Brian,” Justin said.  “You just zoned out.”



“Oh?  I was thinking.”



“We could see the wheels turning.  What were you thinking about?” Justin asked.



“I’ll tell you later.  Let’s dance.”



They headed back to the dance floor, and continued their sexy interaction for several more songs.



“I’m ready to go,” Brian finally said.



“Yeah.  I must be getting old too.  I’m danced out.”



“Cut the ‘old’ references,” Brian ordered with a grin.  “We are a bit out of practice.”



They said goodbye to the boys and headed out.  Brian could feel eyes following them as they left Babylon.  “Maybe things haven’t changed too much,” Brian mused.



When they got in the Jeep, Brian leaned over and kissed Justin.



“What was that for?” Justin asked.



“It was a great idea to come here.  I feel good.”



“Why?  Because you were the belle of the ball?”

“Could you feel it too?  They were envious of us.  We did make them sit up and take notice.  It felt good, like my old self.”



“Not too much like your old self,” Justin said, looking somewhat worried.



“You’re the one I want, my only Sunshine!  I haven’t tricked since we got back together, except for Dick, and we weren’t really together then.”



“Excuses, excuses!” Although, he was glad to hear that Brian hadn’t been with anyone else.  “Except Dick!” he thought ruefully.

“Seriously, I do get urges sometimes, but then I come home to you, and you fuck those urges right out of me.”


“Good.  But remember what I said when we were working things out,” Justin said.  “Tricks don’t bother me, if I don’t have to see them or watch.  I meant it then, and I mean it now.  I know you’re going to be tempted from time to time.”



“The only one who tempts me is a certain blond twink, whose initials are JT.”



“Good, but things won’t always be this perfect between us, and what I said, still goes.  Remember that.  I won’t love you any less.  It was part of our agreement.”



“How did I get so lucky?  Smart, beautiful and sexy as hell!”



“The gods must be looking out for you,” Justin said.



“I’m glad they brought you back to me.”



“Me too.  Let’s go home.”



They couldn’t keep their hands off each other when they got to the loft.  They fucked and sucked.  They rimmed and licked.  They gave each other amazing blowjobs, timing it to come at the same time.  Finally exhausted they snuggled up against each other.



“I’m so happy,” Justin said.



“I think I am too,” Brian responded.



“Think?”



“Happy was never a part of my vocabulary until I met you,” Brian admitted.



“It wasn’t?”



“No.  Worn out, satiated, deliciously tired from fucking, but never what I would call happy.  And it was never enough.  I used to say that all the time.  ‘There’s no such thing as enough.’  I think I’ve found ‘enough’ with you.”



“I love you,” Justin responded.



“Mmmm,” Brian said.



“You still have trouble saying that, don’t you?”



“Yes.  I’m still trying to figure out what it means.”



“I can live with that.  You seem more relaxed tonight, not as worried as you have been.”



“Ben said something that hit home.”



“What was that?”



“That choices define our lives.  I was worried that I was changing myself, and losing my sense of who I am.  Ben made me realize that I’m actually making choices.  Who I am is still the same basic person.  I’m just taking that person in a different direction.  Dick tried to tell me much the same thing.”



Justin tensed at the mention of Dick’s name.  “Are you okay with the choices?” Justin asked.



“More than I was a while ago.  I was full of doubts and worry about what was happening to me.  I think I can put a lot of that behind me now.”



“That’s good.”



“I’m still that selfish asshole that I’ve always been, and you’re going to see him from time to time.”



“Some people seem to bring him out.”



“Yeah, like Melanie and Ted.”



“For sure!”



“I’ll probably show him to you too, whether I want to or not.  Likely at times that you won’t want to deal with him.”



“That’s already happened once or twice,” Justin acknowledged.



“True, but we got through it,” Brian said.



“Yeah.  We did.  Do you still want me to talk to Dick?” Justin asked, knowing what the answer was going to be.



“I’d like that.  I wish you two could be friends, but I think it might help us, if you talked to him.”



“Us?  Explain.”



“I can’t exactly.  I’d just like you to do it.”



Justin sighed.  “Okay then, I’ll do it.”



“Thanks.  I don’t think you’ll regret it.”



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Justin arranged to meet Dick a couple of days later.  They met at a coffee shop, after Dick was finished teaching for the day.  Justin was a little nervous, but he knew Brian wanted this, for whatever reason.



When Dick arrived Justin was sitting in a booth with his sketchbook out, apparently drawing the waitress.



“HI,” said Dick.



“Hi,” Justin said, closing his sketchbook.



“I’m glad you asked to meet.”



“Brian seemed to want this.”



“But you didn’t?” Dick asked.



“Not really.  You’re Brian’s friend ... and trick,” he couldn’t keep himself from adding.



“I told you at the brunch that you were forthright.  You really don’t hold back, do you?”



“Sorry, but that’s part of what bugs me about you.”



“That I’ve fucked Brian?”



“Yes, that, but also that he seems to like you so much, and goes to talk to you when he refuses to talk to me.”



‘You feel threatened?” Dick asked.



“A little.  I want Brian to talk to me, not you.”



“Sometimes people need an objective sounding board, someone not involved in the problem.”



“And that’s you?”



“Brian has used me for that.”



“He’s used you for other things too,” Justin said ruefully.



“That really bites your ass, doesn’t it?”



“I don’t like that he was biting your ass!”



Dick just about spit his mouthful of coffee all over Justin.  When he was able to swallow, he laughed out loud.  “You are something else,” he said.



Justin looked at him.  “I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Brian a couple of days ago.  Tricks don’t bother me, but you’re more than a trick.  I don’t really know what you are to Brian, but I don’t think I like the idea of you being near him.”



“I used to be his trick, and I use the past tense deliberately.  I don’t think that will ever happen again.  I am Brian’s friend, present tense.  And that’s all that I am, or likely to be.”



“See, there it is.”



“There what is?”



“You didn’t say you’d never be more than a friend.  You said ‘likely’ never to be.  You’re leaving that door open.”



“I told you the first time I met you that I’d go after Brian, if I thought I had a chance, but he wants you.  I won’t interfere in that, and I can’t say that any more clearly.  Don’t let your insecurities screw this up for both of you.”



“Can I believe you?”



“Like Brian, I don’t say things I don’t mean.”



“Okay, I’ll believe you.  Let’s leave it at that.”



“Deal,” said Dick, putting out his hand to shake.



Justin rather reluctantly shook his hand.  “I hope I’m not making a mistake trusting you,” he said.



“You’re not,” Dick assured him.



“So what are we supposed to talk about?”



“Brian was really concerned about you pushing him too hard to change, and to say things that he isn’t ready to say.”



“We’ve talked about that.”



“Good.  Try to be patient with him.”



“I do try, but he’s not the easiest person to deal with.  His reaction to problems has always been ‘Fuck it!’ and walk away.  I’m not prepared to settle for that.  I want to thrash it out and get a solution.”



“I agree with you.  Walking away doesn’t really solve anything, but old habits die hard.”



“And then he runs to you.”



“Justin, maybe you should be grateful that he comes to me.”



“Grateful?”



“Well, think about the alternatives, drugs, tricks, booze, not coming back at all.”



“Or coming back without any help from you,” Justin said.



“Granted, that could happen, but how likely is it?  You can count on me to calm him down and send him back to you.”



Justin could feel that Dick was being sincere, and his resentment ebbed a little.  “You’ll do that?” Justin asked.



“I already have, twice.”



“Thanks.  I’m sorry I’ve been so bitchy, but I had to feel that I could trust you.”



“And you do now?”



“I think so.”



“Good.  I’ll try not to let you down.”



“Thanks.”



“Can I see your drawings?” Dick asked.



Justin was surprised that Dick would be interested.  He pushed his sketchpad toward Dick, who picked it up, and began flipping through it.  He would stop occasionally, and study a picture, usually one of Brian, Justin noted.  When he reached the last sketch, he studied it, and the waitress whose portrait it was.



“You’re very talented,” Dick said.



“Thank you.”



“You know, Justin, you are a very exceptional young man.  You’re smart, talented, good looking.”



“You don’t have to flatter me,” Justin said.



“I’m not flattering you, I’m stating the obvious.”



“Why?”



“You have so much going for you, and you have Brian’s love.  Don’t let doubts and jealousy destroy that.  And don’t push him too hard, or he might want out.”



“Want out?  Did he tell you that he might want out?” Justin asked, concerned.



“He did mention that, but I’m just giving you some advice.  I don’t mean anything sinister by it.  You’re pushing me, and if you push Brian like this, I can see why he gets fed up.”



“Fed up?  What the fuck do you mean?  I think I’ve had about as much of this as I can take.  Brian may think you’re so smart, but I think you’re trying to cause trouble.”  Justin grabbed his sketchbook, threw down a couple of dollars, and stormed out.



Dick tried to stop him.  “Justin, wait a minute.  I’m not trying to cause trouble.”



But the door to the coffee shop closed behind Justin.



“That went well,” Dick said to no one in particular.



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When Justin arrived at the loft, Brian wasn’t home yet.  He thought he would make a nice dinner, and try to get Brian in a good mood before mentioning Dick.  He knew Brian was going to be pissed at him.  Maybe he shouldn’t have walked out on Dick, but he knew Dick more than liked Brian.  He hated that Brian would go to Dick instead of talking to him.  He seriously prayed that wouldn’t be what Brian would do when he heard the outcome of their meeting.



Justin was in the middle of preparing pasta with chicken and mushrooms, when the loft door opened.  Brian came in and said, ”Hey.”  He went up to the bedroom and changed his clothes.  Justin worried that he didn’t say anything more.  Did Dick call him?  If so, he was royally screwed.  All he could do was play it out.



“Dinner’s ready,” Justin said, setting the plates out and pouring some wine.



Brian came down from the bedroom and sat down.  “Smells good,” he said.



“I hope you like it,” Justin said hopefully.



Brian began to eat and so did Justin, with occasional glances to try and judge Brian’s mood.  Neither said anything for a while.



Finally Brian said, “It’s very good.”



“Thanks.”



“Did you meet Dick today?” Brian asked.



There it was!  Justin took a deep breath, and said, “Yes.”



“How did it go?”



“All right, at first.”



“And later?”



“Not so well.”



“Meaning?”



“I got mad and walked out.”



“Why?” Brian asked, too calm to suit Justin.



“He wants you, and I don’t like that.”



“But he can’t have me, so why were you rude to him?”



Justin knew then that Dick had called Brian.  He must have spun quite a tale of Justin’s accusations and rudeness.



“Shit! He got to you first,” Justin accused.



“He called to tell me the meeting didn’t go very well.”



“I just bet he did!  I bet he really laid it on about how rude and pushy I was.”  Justin was fighting for control, feeling very threatened.



“He did say you were rude, and that you didn’t seem to believe him about anything.”



“He’s right about that!”



“What happened?  I thought you were okay with talking to him.”



“Well, I’m not.  I don’t trust him.  He’s your friend, not mine.  And he’d like to be a lot more.”



“Not going to happen.”



“How can you be so sure?”



“I won’t let it.”



“He’s already causing trouble between us.  Isn’t that what’s happening right now?”



Brian looked at him, not knowing what to say.



“I thought you talking to Dick would help us,” Brian said rather lamely.



“I guess you were wrong!”



“Seems so.  Let’s forget it,” Brian said, not wanting to cause more trouble.



Justin stared at him.  “Forget it!  Just like that?”



“Yes.  I don’t want Dick to come between us.”



“He’s here between us right now.”



“You know I like talking to him,” Brian said, “and he has helped me a lot.  I want to keep him as a friend.”



“Your friend, not mine!” Justin said emphatically.



“Can you live with that?”



Justin thought seriously about his answer.  He wanted to say no.  Finally he said, “Yes, but don’t expect me to like it, or like him.  As long as he doesn’t try to take you away from me, I guess it’s all right.  I can’t dictate your friends.”



“Then let’s leave it at that,” Brian said.



Justin wanted to continue the discussion, but he remembered what Dick had said about pushing Brian until he got fed up.  He decided to cut his losses and let it go.  “Okay,” he said.



“So I can still be friends with Dick?”



“I can’t tell you who to be friends with,” Justin said again.



“Good.”



They both sat quietly sipping wine.  Neither Brian nor Justin knew what to say.  The tension was palpable.



“Fuck,” thought Brian.  “This was supposed to help.”



“Fuck,” Justin thought.  “This sure didn’t help.”



The little voice in Brian’s head whispered, “You messed up big time!”

Relationships  

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Brian met with Dick a couple of days later.  He was still ticked with Justin.  He couldn’t see what Dick would have done to cause Justin to walk out on him.  Justin even admitted he had been rude and pushy.  What had happened?  Brian needed some answers.



They were to meet for a beer at Woody’s at 6 pm.  Dick wasn’t there when Brian arrived, so he got a quiet table and a beer for himself while he waited.  When Dick arrived he had to admit that he looked good.  Brian had missed talking to him.



Dick ordered a beer at the bar, and joined him.



“You look good,” Brian said.



“Thanks.  You don’t.”



“Well, fuck you!” Brian said, only partially joking.



“I just meant you aren’t quite up to your usual standards, but you always look varying degrees of great!” Dick qualified what he had said.



“That’s better,” Brian said.



“Do those frown lines mean trouble with Justin?” Dick asked.  “I hope it’s not because of me.”



“There’s no trouble.  I just don’t understand what happened between the two of you.”



“He doesn’t trust me.”



“Why not?”



“He thinks I’m after you.”



“And are you?”



Dick considered his answer.  “If the opportunity arises, yes.  But right now I’ll just be your friend.”



Brian frowned.  “Did you tell Justin that?”



“More or less.”



“Shit! No wonder he walked out on you.”



“Why?  I was just being honest.  I know you love him.”



“You have no idea how long it has taken us to get to where we are now, and how many obstacles we had to overcome.  Justin’s still not very secure about our ... er ... relationship.  Hell, neither am I!”



“You have trouble even saying that word relationship, don’t you?  I didn’t realize that was such a sore spot.  I thought you two were together and secure.  I’m sorry if I upset him.  That wasn’t my intention.”



“Well, now I understand what set him off.”



“Is he that insecure?”



“Justin’s been through a lot, and I didn’t always help matters.”



“Is it that he’s too young to know what he wants?”



“He knows what he wants.  I can’t always give it to him.”



“I can’t imagine you not fulfilling his needs in every way.”



Brian laughed.  “There’s more than sex.”



“I know that,” Dick chuckled.  “But you’re intelligent and kind.  What more could he want?”



“I’m not always kind,” Brian admitted, “and he does want more.”



“I think he’s a fool!  He doesn’t know when he’s well off.”



Brian didn’t like where this was going.  He wasn’t prepared to have anyone call Justin a fool, even Dick.



“Maybe we better drop the subject of Justin,” Brian said.



“Fine by me,” said Dick.  “Seen any good movies lately?”



Brian laughed.  This was a side of Dick he hadn’t seen before.  He didn’t seem to care about Justin’s feelings, or that Brian was concerned.  Brian finished his beer and got up to leave.



“Say hi to Justin for me,” Dick said somewhat sarcastically.



“Sure,” Brian said and left.



Brian was rattled.  He thought he knew Dick pretty well.  He liked his blunt, no nonsense way of talking, but he had really put Justin on the spot.  Dick’s bluntness had actually fed Justin’s fears.  It hadn’t calmed them.  His honesty must have seemed like taunting to Justin.  How could he have been so stupid to push them together?  He should have realized that Justin’s reluctance must have been based on something.  He had simply ignored Justin’s feelings, and Justin had gone along with it, because Brian wanted them to be friends.  It had been a recipe for disaster from the beginning, but Brian had been thinking only about what he wanted.  He was still the selfish bastard that he had warned Justin about.  It had just taken a different form than either of them had expected.  He hoped he would be able to fix things.  Shit!  He always hated that fucking word ‘relationship’.  He knew he would suck at it.  He had carefully avoided it for so many years.  But now, he had to deal with this ‘relationship’ with Justin, if he wanted to keep him, and he did, above all else.  Why did it have to be so hard?



Brian headed back to the loft, worried about what to say to Justin.  Dick’s honesty certainly hadn’t worked.  What if he was honest and Justin took it the wrong way?  He’d have to choose his words carefully.  Fuck, he hated walking on eggshells.  He should be able to speak his mind.



By the time he got to the loft he had worked himself into quite a lather.  He felt that he should apologize, but he didn’t do apologies.  He was torn about what to say, how to say it, and how Justin might react.



He opened the loft door, and knew immediately that Justin wasn’t there.  Justin knew Brian had been meeting with Dick.  Was he avoiding the outcome?  Now Brian had to stew in his own juices a little longer.  He couldn’t get this over with.  He’d have to wait.



He grabbed a bottle of Beam and downed a good quarter of it.  The liquor hit his empty stomach like a ton of bricks.  For a moment he wasn’t sure it was going to stay down.  He flopped on the couch.  Good old Jim could keep him company till Justin came home, then they would thrash this out.



Brian had consumed over half the bottle when he heard Justin opening the door.  He had quite a buzz going, and that had dampened his worry about facing Justin.  He would apologize for forcing Justin to talk to Dick, and then they would fuck and make up.



He grinned at Justin.  “Hey, gorgeous!” he said in what he thought was his most ingratiating voice.



“You’re drunk,” Justin said.



“Me.  No.  I’ve been waiting patiently for you with the help of my old friend Jim.”  Brian patted the bottle affectionately.



“And how was your old friend Dick?” Justin asked.



“He says hi.”



“I just bet he does.  Have you eaten anything?”



“No. Not hungry.  Just want to fuck you,” he grinned.



“You should eat something and sober up.  Then we’ll see about fucking.”



“Laying out the rules again?” Brian asked.



“These aren’t rules.  You need to sober up, so we can have a sensible discussion.”


“Talk, talk, talk!  I’m fucking sick of talking.  I’m sick of worrying about saying the wrong thing,” Brian blathered.



“Well, you’re saying the wrong thing now!”



“See.  Proves my point!”



“You’re too drunk to know what the point is,” Justin said, anger rising.



“Not nearly drunk enough to deal with you.”



Justin didn’t know what to say.  Arguing with a drunk seemed useless.  Justin started to say, “Brian ...”



“That’s my name.  What do you want me to do now?”



“I don’t want you to do a damn thing.  You want to get falling-down drunk, go ahead!  You want to argue, argue with yourself.  I’m not interested.  You want to fuck, go jerk off, because I’m out of here!”



He turned and walked out of the loft.  He didn’t know where he was going, but away from Brian was all he could think.



Brian watched the door close.  “He’ll be back,” he said to himself.  He wished he could be sure about that.  “Screwed up again,” the little voice whispered in his head.



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For over an hour Justin sat on the stairs two floors down from the loft.  He knew there was no point in going back upstairs.  Brian would still be drunk.  He had no intention of sobering up from what Justin had seen.



What had happened with Dick he wondered?  Brian hadn’t been like this since they got back together.  He still drank, occasionally too much, but not mean drunk like this.  Something must have set him off.  He’d have to find out, but not until Brian was in a better state to talk.



Justin wasn’t sure what to do.  He didn’t want to go back upstairs.  They’d just fight, and Justin didn’t yet know what they were fighting about.  Who could he call?  He wished Daphne were here.  He could always crash with her.  He ran through his other options, his mother, Debbie, Lindsay.  They’d all want explanations, and he didn’t even have an explanation for himself.  He just knew he had to be away from Brian for a while.



Then a thought hit him.  He wondered.  He dialed his cell phone, and a voice said, “Hello?”



“Emm, is Michael there?” Justin asked.



“No. He’s with the hunkalicious professor tonight.  You could reach him there.”



“It’s really you I want to talk to.  I didn’t want to have to deal with Michael if he was there.  Can I come over?”


“Of course, sweetie.”



“Be right there,” Justin said, hanging up.



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Brian had a few more shots of Beam.  His buzz had worn off after Justin left.  He had meant to apologize, but when he saw Justin, all he wanted to do was fuck him.



“Liquor brings out my best instincts,” he laughed to himself.  “I really got fucked on that one,” he thought.  “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”  He wondered if there were any more platitudes he could dredge up from the depths of his brain.



He went up to his stash box, and selected a couple of pills and a joint.  “It’s going to be a long evening,” he thought, as he washed the pills down with Beam.  He crashed on the sofa, after lighting up.  “Maybe this will help me mellow out, while I wait for Justin to come back,” he mused.  He closed his eyes and took a long drag on the joint.



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Emmett let Justin in, and saw immediately that he was upset.  He wondered what Brian had done now.



“So, want a beer?” he asked.



Justin shook his head.



“What’s wrong?” Emmett asked.



“Is Michael going to be gone all night?” Justin asked.



“I think so.”



“Could I stay here tonight?”



“Sure, sweetie, but why?  What did Brian do?”



“He’s drunk, and I’m not ready to deal with him.”


“I thought you two were doing great,” Emmett observed.



“So did I.”



“So, what happened?”



“I think it has something to do with Dick.  Brian went to talk to him tonight.  When I got home he was drunk.”



“I wonder what Mr. Gorgeous did?” Emmett speculated.



“I wish I knew, but Brian was too drunk to give me any straight answers.  He reverted to his old pattern, and wanted to fuck me.  You know, fuck first, talk later, and maybe you won’t have to talk.”



“That’s Brian.  Always predictable.”



“But Emm, I thought we had gotten past that.  We have been talking things out.  It all started with that asshole Dick.”



“I thought he seemed nice at the brunch.”



“Me too.  He was very kind and concerned at first, but something bugged me about him.  Brian fucked him, twice, and could remember his name.  Christ, he couldn’t even remember my name when we first fucked.  This really worried me.”



“I can see why.  That doesn’t sound like Brian’s usual pattern.”



“Exactly.  So that told me that Dick was something special to him.”



“And he gets invited to brunch,” Emmett added.



“Right.  This was supposed to be our big moment, but he wanted Dick there.  I went along with it.  Twice when Brian and I had problems, Brian ran to Dick to talk.  Rather than talk to me!  To his credit Dick didn’t fuck him again.  He sent him home to me.”



“So Brian thought he was this great, helpful friend.”



“Yeah.  Then Brian wanted me to talk to him.  He said it might help us.”



“Help.  How?”



“That’s it.  I don’t know.  I put it off as long as I could, but Brian kept hinting at it.  Finally, I thought I might as well get it over with, and I had coffee with Dick a couple of days ago.”



“How did that go?” Emmett asked.



“Fine at first.  He was all ‘Brian’s a great guy.  You’re very lucky.  Don’t screw it up.’  I got this vibe that he wanted to be more than just Brian’s friend, and I sure didn’t get a vibe that he wanted to be my friend, although he said he did.”



“What happened?”



“Dick is very blunt.  I think that’s part of what Brian likes about him, so I decided to be blunt too.  I asked him point blank if he was interested in being more than Brian’s friend.  He said yes, if the opportunity arose.”



“Bastard!” Emmett said.



“Thanks, Emm.  I’ve been feeling like I’m the only one who could see any problem with this.  Brian said he knew Dick’s feelings, but nothing would come of it, because he wouldn’t let it.”



“That’s something, isn’t it?”



“I guess.”



“What else happened at coffee talk?”



“Dick tried to assure me that he wouldn’t go after Brian, that he would send Brian back if he came to talk to him.  I almost believed him.  I wanted to, but something just didn’t feel right.”



“Dick’s a hunk.  I can see why you were worried,” Emmett said.



“Then he started telling me to back off with Brian.  Don’t push him to talk or he might want out.  He told me I’d force him away by pushing too hard.  That Brian would get fed up with me.”



“Who does he think he is?”



“Exactly!  I got mad and walked out.”



“Good for you, sweetie!”



“Not so good for me.  Dick tattled to Brian before I could talk to him.  Brian was mad.  I could tell, but he tried to say it was all right.  I could feel the distance between us.”



“I’m sorry,” Emmett said.



“Anyway, Brian went to talk to Dick today, and he was drunk when I got home.  I don’t know what that means.  Is he pissed at me?  Did he fuck Dick, and he feels guilty?  I just don’t know, Emm.”  Justin fought back tears.



“You stay here tonight, and longer if you need.  When Brian’s sober, you can work this out.”



“Thanks, Emm.  I hope so.”



Emmett hugged Justin.  Justin sincerely hoped that he was right, and he and Brian would be able to work this out.



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Brian woke the next morning on the couch.  His back felt like someone had tied it in a knot, and his head felt worse.  He hadn’t had a hangover like this in quite a while.  Hell, he was out of practice drinking since Justin had come back.



“Justin,” he called, wondering if he had returned.



There was no answer.  He remembered rousing himself at 3 am, their old curfew time, and there was no Justin then either.  He had had a couple more pills and a lot more bourbon, when he realized Justin had missed the curfew.  Even if it wasn’t one of their rules anymore, he had expected him to be home by then.



Now it was 6:30 and there was still no sign of him.  Where could he be?  Why hadn’t he come home?  They hadn’t really fought.  At least he couldn’t remember fighting.  He had wanted to fuck Justin.  He was sure he had told him that.  And apologize!  He couldn’t remember apologizing, although he had intended to.



“Shit!” he thought.  “What have I done?”



He pried himself off the couch and tried to straighten up.  While he was bent over, he noted two bottles of Beam beside the couch, one empty and one about half full.  “I really got pissed last night,” he said to the empty loft.  He had the head to prove it.



He headed for the shower.  Fifteen minutes of water, as hot as he could stand, loosened his back muscles and relieved some of the pounding in his head.  He had a serious hard-on, and had to do a little hand work to relieve himself of that problem.



He dressed for work, deciding he would call Justin from there, if Justin didn’t call him, first.  He hoped he would.  If Justin took the first step, it would be easier.



“Coward,” the little voice said.



By nine o’clock Justin had not called.  He couldn’t stand it any longer.  He dialed Justin’s cell phone number.  Two rings, and the familiar voice said, “Hello.”



Brian wanted to scream, “Where the fuck are you?”, but the little voice warned him to be careful.



“Where are you?” he asked as calmly as he could.



“Studio at school,” Justin replied.



“Why didn’t you come home last night?”



“I was there, but you were too drunk to care.”



“I care,” his head said.  “Not as drunk as I got later,” he heard himself saying.



“Are you bragging about it?” Justin asked, not believing his ears.



“Fuck! Where were you all night?” Brian asked, tired of beating around the bush.



“Some place safe, away from you,” Justin said cruelly.



“Stop playing games, and tell me where you were.”



“What does it matter?  I told you I’d talk to you when you were sober enough for a sensible discussion.  Are you?”



“Of course I am.  I’m at work.”



“So when do you want to talk?” Justin asked.



“After work, at home,” Brian said hopefully.



“I won’t be there.  I’m not coming back to a repeat performance of last night.”



“That won’t happen.”



“I’m not sure I can believe that.  What set you off anyway?”  Justin wanted to know.



“I think we need to talk about this face to face,” Brian admitted.



“Agreed.”



“Come to dinner with me at Demetre’s?” Brian asked.



“All right.  I’ll meet you there at seven.”



Justin hung up before Brian could say anything else.



Brian wasn’t happy about this.  It didn’t sound like Justin was coming back to the loft any time soon.  The little voice began its worrisome whispers once again.



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Brian was waiting at their table when Justin arrived at the restaurant.  He had had one glass of red wine to take a bit of the edge off.  He was worried, even a little scared.  He didn’t want to make matters worse than they already were.  He wanted another glass of wine, but thought better of it, not wanting to add fuel to Justin’s complaints about him being drunk.  He needed his wits about him.



Brian felt a stirring in his groin, as soon as Justin walked in.  “Shit, he has such an effect on me!” Brian thought.



Justin saw him and sat down at the table.  Brian poured him a glass of wine, letting him see the bottle was quite full.  He poured another for himself.



“Cheers,” he said, raising his glass and taking a drink.



Justin looked at him, not moving.



“Is this the silent treatment?” Brian asked.



“Don’t get testy, or I’m leaving,” Justin said.



“Let’s order,” Brian said, hoping food would improve both their moods.  They sat silently for a few minutes, until their salads arrived.  Brian didn’t know what to say.  Justin seemed to take offense at everything.



Justin took a bite of salad and watched Brian.  “He’s worried,” Justin thought.  “That’s good.  He should be.”  Justin continued to eat, while Brian did little more than move his food around on the plate.



Finally Brian said, “Aren’t we going to talk?”



“Yes.”



“When?  Over dessert?”



“Whenever you’re ready,” Justin said.



“I’m ready now.  Where were you?”



“I could tell you that it’s none of your business.”



“Is that how you feel?”



“No, but I was very disappointed in you last night,” Justin said.



“Seems like I disappoint you a lot.”



“No.  Usually you don’t.  Why did seeing Dick make you get drunk?  What did he tell you?”



“Is that why you think I was drunk?”



“Well, isn’t it?”



“I got drunk waiting for you.  I thought you’d be home, and you weren’t.  I thought you were punishing me for seeing Dick.  I was worried you wouldn’t accept my apology.”



“What apology?”



“The one I never made.”



“How could I accept it or refuse it, if you never made it?  Besides, you never say you’re sorry.”



“I wanted to.  I realized I had acted like the selfish bastard I warned you about.”



“How did you do that?”



“By forcing you to talk to Dick.”



“God, why didn’t you tell me that?”



“I got drunk trying to figure out how to say it.”



Justin laughed out loud.



“What’s so funny?” Brian asked, pleased that Justin was laughing instead of being mad.



“I can’t believe that’s why you got drunk.”



“Why not?  What did you think?”



“That you’d fucked Dick, and felt guilty.”



“Shit, Justin.  I wouldn’t do that.  I told you.”



“I know, but even Emmett thinks Dick is pretty hot, and you were mad at me for walking out on him.”



“Justin, you’re much more important to me than Dick is.  I’m not going to fuck him ever again.  Tricks maybe, but not Dick.”



“For sure?”



“Yes, for sure.  I don’t know if I’ll even see him as a friend.”



“Why?  What happened?”



“He told me what he said to you.  I understand why you were upset.  He doesn’t know our history.  I never should have sent you to talk to him.  I was selfish.”



“Really?”



“Yes.   He wasn’t at all sympathetic to you.  He didn’t seem to care that he upset you.  I won’t put up with that from anybody.”



“Why didn’t you tell me this last night?”



“I was too drunk, and when I see you, all I want to do is fuck you.  You drive me insane.  My cock got hard just from you walking in here.”



“Why do you think I couldn’t talk at first?” Justin asked.



“You too?  Let’s get out of here.”



Brian threw down an obscene amount of money, and they rushed out of the restaurant.



They never made it to the loft.  Brian found an alley and they blew each other.  They saved the rest for when they did reach their own bed, happy to be back together, at least for now.

A Dinner to Remember  

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Justin opened the door.  A feeling of dread overwhelmed him.  He entered the loft, fearing that something was very wrong.



“Brian,” he called.  There was no answer.



Justin felt his breath catch in his throat.  He tried to take a breath, but it wouldn’t come.  He gasped, and turned around to run.  Behind him was the open loft door, suddenly filled by a looming figure holding a baseball bat.  As Justin stepped back in fear, the figure stepped forward into the loft, raising the baseball bat as he advanced.  It was Chris Hobbs.



“No!!” Justin screamed, as the bat was swung at his head.



“Justin!  Justin!” the voice demanded.



“No, no,” Justin moaned.



Arms gathered him in and squeezed.  A voice said softly, “Wake up, Justin.  It’s all right.  You’re dreaming.”



Justin’s eyes fluttered open, and he looked around, confused.



“What?  Where am I?” he stammered.



Brian held him tightly and said, “In the loft, in bed, with me.  You were dreaming.  It’s all right.”



“Brian?” Justin said, and threw his arms around Brian’s neck.  “Are you really here?”



“Yes.  What was it?  What scared you?”



Justin shook his head, not wanting to put the dream into words.



“Tell me.  You’ll feel better if you get it out.  What was the dream?  You haven’t had one of these for a long time.  Please, tell me, Justin.”



Justin held on to Brian’s neck.  He still felt like he could barely breathe, just like the dream.  But Brian was here now.  He would protect him.  He had to calm down.



“Justin!  Talk to me.  Tell me what happened,“ Brian urged.



“Chris Hobbs,” Justin finally said.



“Shit!  Is that fucking creep still lurking in your head?”



Justin nodded.  “He was here in the loft with a baseball bat, and I couldn’t find you!”  Justin shuddered.



“I’m here now, and there’s no Chris Hobbs.”



“I know,” Justin said, relaxing his grip on Brian’s neck a little bit.  “I thought I was over these nightmares.  I haven’t had one for months.  Why now?”  He sighed.



“Did something bad happen that triggered it?” Brian asked.



“I don’t think so.”



“There’s probably something.  Think back.”



Justin frowned, and Brian could see that he was replaying events, looking for something that might have caused the nightmare.  He shook his head.  Nothing was coming to him.



“It’s all right,” Brian said.  “Do you think you can go back to sleep?”



“If you hold me,” Justin sighed.



Brian rolled Justin onto his side and snuggled up against his back.  He wrapped his arms around the boy’s chest, rubbing gently.



“Feels good,” Justin said, starting to feel sleepy.  “I wish I could sleep like this every night.”



“You can,” Brian stated.



“Not after tomorrow,” Justin yawned, holding on to Brian’s hand a little tighter.



“Oh,” said Brian, remembering his business trip to Boston.  “You’re not worried about being here alone, are you?”



“I don’t think so,” said Justin.  “But ... “



“But what?”



“In the dream I came into the loft and you weren’t here.  Then Chris Hobbs was in the doorway.  You don’t think that could be it, do you?  That I’m afraid to be here without you?”



“I don’t know.  Maybe,” Brian said.



They were silent, each thinking about what this meant.  Justin couldn’t believe he could be such a baby about being alone that it would cause the nightmare.  Brian wondered if his trip was the cause of Justin’s bad dream.  Maybe he shouldn’t go, if it was such a worry to Justin.  Brian heard a whispered warning in his head.



It was a long time before either of them slept.



ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss



The next morning Justin tried to downplay the nightmare.  He knew Brian had been planning this trip for days.  The company had a good shot at acquiring an important new client.  Brian would be able to swing the deal.  He was very good at that kind of thing.  Justin didn’t want to mess this up for Brian.



Brian came out of the shower and Justin handed him a glass of guava juice.



“I’ve been thinking.  Maybe I shouldn’t go to Boston.  I could get Gardner to go instead,” Brian began.



“Brian, I’ll be all right.  I’m not going to freak out, just because you’re gone.  It was only a dream,” Justin tried to convince him.



“It was a nightmare, and I don’t want to leave you.”



“I’ll be fine, and this is important to the company.”



“But you’re more important.”



“Thanks for the offer, but you can’t stay with me every minute for the rest of our lives.”



“I’d like to.”



Justin smiled.  “You are such an old softie!  I love you so much, but you are going on your trip.”



“Are you sure?” Brian asked, not convinced.



“I’m sure.  I’ll be fine while you’re gone.  We could have phone sex both nights.”  He batted his eyes at Brian.  “It’s only for two days, and we still have tonight before you go.”



“Let’s do something special,” Brian said.



“Want me to make a special dinner?” Justin volunteered.



“No, I’m taking you out.”



“Okay.  Where?”



“It’s a surprise.  Be here at seven, and I’ll show you.”



“It’s a date,” Justin grinned.



Brian rolled his eyes.  “Date,” he said.



ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss



Justin wasn’t sure where they were going, so he didn’t know how to dress.  He tried several combinations of jeans, slacks, shirts and sweaters.  He didn’t want to get too dressed up, because he was sure Brian would have told him if there was a dress code.  He didn’t want to be too casual, because he was hoping this would be a nice place.  He was looking forward to his “date”, even if Brian still rebelled at calling it that.  He finally decided on charcoal grey pinstripe trousers, and a dove-grey sweater.  He hoped this would be appropriate.



Brian arrived at seven, and pronounced Justin to be dazzling.  He rushed him out to the Jeep, refusing to say where they were going.  The traffic was quite light, and they seemed to be making good time, heading downtown.  Suddenly Brian pulled into a McDonald's restaurant, and stopped the Jeep.



Justin looked at Brian, disbelief in his eyes.  “This is it?” he finally asked.  “This is the special dinner?”



Brian smiled his most angelic smile, and said, “I never have junk food, and I know you like it.  So I thought we’d splurge in fast food heaven here.  What do you think?”



“Sure, if that’s what you want,” Justin said, obviously disappointed.



“You know, you told me when we got back together that you were going to speak your mind.  You weren’t just going to take my crap and say nothing.  Do you remember?”



“I do,” said Justin, wondering what the Hell Brian was talking about.



“So?”



“What do you mean, so?” Justin asked.



“Do you want to go to this crap emporium for dinner?”



“No, I don’t!” Justin said emphatically.



“Then speak up!” Brian goaded him.



“I don’t want to have dinner here.  Can’t you come up with anything better?” Justin challenged.



“Hmm,” Brian said.  “I bet I can, now that I know that you want something better.”  His eyes twinkled with mischief.  “Our reservation is for 7:30.  I didn’t want to be early, since the traffic was so light, so I thought I’d tease you a bit.”



Justin swatted him.  “Asshole!  Quit messing with my mind!  This reservation better be for something good, or I’m going to make you pay big time,” Justin said, trying to look serious.



Brian smirked.  “I was thinking of making you pay later.  This place isn’t cheap.”



“And how were you planning to make me pay.  I already owe you thousands,” Justin groaned.



“I didn’t mean to bring up money.  I was thinking of taking it out in trade,” he said, looking lustfully at Justin.



Justin giggled.  “You’ll have to wait till we get home.”



“Not necessarily,” Brian said enigmatically.



“Not here, Brian,” Justin said, looking around.



“Hell no!  I don’t eat at McDonalds, why would I want to fuck here?”



Justin looked relieved.  Brian started the car, and they continued downtown.  Brian turned into a street of very large old houses, probably once considered mansions.  He found a parking space on the street and got out.  Justin wasn’t sure what was going on.  This looked like a residential area.  He wondered if Brian was playing another trick on him.  He got out of the Jeep, and followed Brian up the street.  Brian stopped about four houses up, and took Justin’s hand.  He started up the sidewalk to the front door.



Above the door, Justin saw a small sign, “Emile’s”.



“Is this a restaurant?” he asked Brian.



Brian rang the bell, and the door was immediately opened by a middle aged man in an impeccable tuxedo.  He must have been very handsome when he was young, because he could still take your breath away.



“Good evening, Brian,” he said in welcome.



“Emile,” Brian said, shaking his hand.  “You look splendid as always.”



Emile smiled.  “And who is your companion for the evening?”



“This is Justin Taylor.  Justin, Emile,” Brian said, introducing them.



They shook hands.  “Would you like me to show Mr. Taylor around, before I take you to your table?” Emile asked.



Brian looked at Justin, who nodded.  “Call me Justin, please.”



“Certainly, Justin.  Come this way.”  He led them over to a door on one side of the hallway.  It opened into a green room that ran the length of that side of the house.  There were perhaps twenty tables, all full of diners.  The room was extravagant in every respect.  The carpet was dark green, and beyond plush.  The walls were pale green silk, covered with paintings that Justin recognized, the artist if not that particular piece.  They looked real.  There were chandeliers on the ceiling, antiques along the walls, fine crystal and china.  “Opulent” was the word that came to mind.



Emile then took them across the hall to the doorway of what he called the “Bronze Room”.  It was a little smaller, about twelve tables, but each with more privacy.  Banquettes with high backs divided each table from its neighbors.  Everything was bronze, beige and black, with large bronze statues situated throughout the room.  Some looked to be art deco, but Justin thought a few were very old.



All these tables seemed to be filled too.  Justin wondered where they would be put.



Emile said, “How do you like the decor so far, Justin?”



“Magnificent,” he said, eliciting a broad smile from Emile.  “You have a wonderful art collection.”



“Why, thank you.  Are you interested in art?” Emile asked.



“I’m a student at PIFA,” Justin said.



“He’s very talented,” Brian said, smiling at him.



Justin almost burst with pride.  He wasn’t sure that he had ever heard Brian say that to anyone before, although he knew Brian liked his work and thought he was good.



“Ah,” Emile said, “then you will understand that I am very proud of my collection.”


“It’s wonderful!” Justin complimented him.



Brian never ceased to be amazed at how easily Justin handled social situations.  He always seemed to know the right thing to say and do.  Brian could tell he had captivated Emile already.



“Well gentlemen, let me show you to your table,” Emile said, starting up the stairs.  Brian and Justin followed.  On the landing above there were four doors.  Emile opened the first one and stood back for Brian and Justin to enter.  “I hope you will have a lovely evening and everything will be to your satisfaction.”



They both said, “Thank you,” and Emile closed the door as he left.



Justin looked around.  The room had probably been a bedroom at one time.  It had a soft Oriental carpet on the floor, a fireplace on one wall, a table beautifully set for two and an antique chaise along the side wall.



“We have the whole room to ourselves?” Justin asked.



Brian nodded.  “Want some wine?” he asked, an open bottle visible in the cooler by the table.



“Sure,” Justin said.



Brian poured wine into two beautiful crystal goblets, then took them to the chaise and sat down.  Justin joined him.  They toasted to a lovely evening, and kissed lingeringly.



“Won’t the waiter be in soon?” Justin asked, coming up for air.



“He won’t come until I push the buzzer over there to summon him,” Brian said, pointing to a button near the fireplace.



“Really?” said Justin.



“We have absolute privacy until we want the food delivered.  I’ve already chosen the menu when I made the reservation.”



“Wow!  This is quite a place.”



“You haven’t seen the half of it,” Brian said.



Justin’s eyes got bigger.



“Want to have appetizers?” Brian asked.



“Sure.  I’m hungry.”



“You’re always hungry!” Brian said, pushing the buzzer.



They drank some more wine, until there was a gentle knock at the door.



“Come in,” said Brian.



“Good evening,” said the waiter.  He wheeled in a cart containing two covered dishes and a silver basket containing various breads.  He set the bread and plates on the table, and turned to wheel the cart out.  “If you require anything else, or when you are ready for the next course, please ring,” he said.



“Thanks, Carlos,” Brian said, as the waiter left.



“You know him?” Justin asked.



“I bring business clients here a lot, but usually to the main rooms downstairs.  Occasionally I’ve been upstairs.  Let’s eat.”



They moved to the table and lifted the covers.  Justin looked at the shell-shaped dish.  It had six indentations, each containing something.



“Are these escargots?” Justin asked.



“Yes.  Have you ever had them?” Brian asked.



“No.  Are they good?”



“Try them.”



Justin popped one into his mouth.  It was succulent, very garlicky and absolutely delicious.  “Mmm,” Justin said.  “They are scrumptious!”



“I’m glad you like them,” Brian said, eating his own.



When they were finished Brian moved back to the chaise, and Justin again joined him.



“This is great.” Justin said.



“Want to dance?” Brian asked.



“There’s no music,” Justin observed.



“I can fix that.”  Brian flipped open a panel on the little table next to the chaise.  He pushed a button, and a slow romantic song began to play.  Brian pulled Justin into his arms, and they moved together to the music.  He leaned down and kissed Justin.  They continued to sway to the music, bodies welded together.



“God, Brian, we’ll never get through dinner if you keep this up.”  Justin was breathing heavily.  Brian’s hand was on his crotch.



“I think you need a little relief,” Brian said.  He pushed Justin down on the chaise, and stretched his legs out, leaving space for him to kneel between them.  He unzipped Justin’s fly, and pulled out the straining cock.  Justin moaned at Brian’s touch.



“Easy, young fella,” Brian said.  “I’m just getting started.”



Brian ran his tongue up one side of Justin’s cock and down the other.  Justin groaned.  Brian placed his mouth over the tip of Justin’s cock, and sucked the precum into his mouth.  He used his tongue to spread it up and down the shaft.  Justin’s head fell back against the chaise arm.  Brian looked up at him; his eyes were partially closed and his mouth was open.  Brian placed his lips around the tip again and pulled gently.  Justin gasped.  Brian gradually took all of the engorged shaft down his throat.  He buried his nose in Justin’s pubic hair, and rolled his balls with his fingers.  Justin moaned his pleasure.



Brian began moving his lips up and down the shaft, slowly at first, but gradually increasing the speed.  Justin’s hips began to push up, fucking Brian’s face.  Brian stayed still and let Justin do the work for a while.  His mouth accepted each thrust, sucking at the cock as it withdrew.  Justin’s movements became more frantic.  Brian sucked harder and squeezed Justin’s balls.



“Oh, gaaawwwd, Brian,” he gasped, as he shot into Brian’s throat.  Brian swallowed it all, then sat down on the chaise with Justin, cradling him and kissing him softly.  Justin was panting, eyes closed, body limp.  He lay like that for a few minutes.



“That was fantastic!” he sighed.  “Who needs food?”



Brian kissed him.  “We do.  The food is fabulous and I’ve already paid for it.”



Justin smiled at him.  “Okay. Next course,” he said, zipping up his pants.



Brian pushed the buzzer, and they sat back sipping wine.  The knock on the door signaled the arrival of the next course.  They moved over to the table after Carlos cleared the used dishes.  He had replaced them with new covered ones.  They lifted the covers to reveal salmon in a maple sauce, baby roast potatoes and green beans.  It was absolutely delicious.  Even Brian ate all of his.



“That was great!” Justin said.  “Are we having dessert?”



“I ordered some.  Do you want it now?”  Brian asked.



“What time do we have to be out of here?”



“Midnight, why?”



“I thought we might work off a few calories before we indulge in more.”



“Did you now?  What did you have in mind?”



“A little more dancing, a tango, if we can get the right music.”  Brian nodded.  “In the nude,” Justin added.



“I’ve never tangoed in the nude.”  Brian shook his head and smiled.  “Let’s try it.”



They quickly disrobed and Brian pushed buttons, until he found a tango.  They embraced in the traditional tango stance, and then started to move, tentatively at first, but feeling the tempo of the music.  Justin led, being the better dancer, but occasionally Brian tipped him back, showing his dominance.  They rubbed their crotches together, legs intertwining.  They giggled and kissed, and cursed a bit as toes were stepped on.  Both had swollen lips and serious hard-ons by the end of the song.



“That was fun,” Brian laughed, kissing Justin passionately.



“I don’t think we’ll be winning any tango contests in the near future, but it was fun.”  Justin looked at Brian’s bouncing cock, and said, “Your turn.”  He led Brian over to the chaise.  “Kneel on it,” he said.



Brian asked, “What are you going to do?”



“A rimming job that you’ll never forget,” Justin bragged.



Brian looked at him.  He did love to be rimmed, but rarely allowed Justin to take it further and top him.  “Maybe tonight,” he thought.  “Just a minute,” he said.  He went over to a little cupboard and pulled out a sheet.  “We wouldn’t want to ruin Emile’s antique,” he said, throwing the sheet over the chaise.  He knelt on top of it, resting his arms and head on the back of the chaise.  His ass was offered up in all its glory.



Justin giggled. “This place does have everything.”



Brian twitched his ass temptingly.  Justin leaned over him and kissed the back of his neck.  His fully erect penis rubbed against Brian’s ass, and Brian moaned.



“You’re really ready,” Justin observed.



He raked his fingers down Brian’s chest, as he leaned over him.  At the same time his tongue followed Brian’s spine to the crack of his ass.  He stopped, placed his arms fully around Brian’s chest, and pulled them together, making sure that Brian would feel the imprint of his cock on his ass.  Brian moaned again.  Justin smiled and pushed Brian’s shoulders down.  He spread his ass cheeks, and licked Brian’s pucker.  His head flew up in anticipation.  Justin then kissed, kneaded, nipped and sucked the cheeks of Brian’s ass, carefully avoiding the pucker.



“Justin,” Brian begged.



Justin grinned and stuck his tongue into the pucker.  Brian gasped, and Justin continued darting his tongue in and out.  Brian rocked back, trying to take the tongue in farther.  His moans became more frequent.



“Fuck me, Justin!” Brian demanded.



“Really?” Justin asked, grinning.



“Now!” was the growled response.  Brian reached over and pulled open the drawer of the little table.  Condoms, lube and some interesting toys were visible.  Justin grabbed a condom, and used the lube and his fingers to further ready Brian’s hole.  Brian was panting, as Justin pressed his cock to the pucker.  He pushed in past the first ring of muscle.  Brian’s head came up, and he gasped, “Fuck!”



“Ready?” Justin asked.



Brian nodded, and thrust the rest of the way in.  He was fully inside Brian and it felt wonderful.  Brian was so tight, rarely allowing this to happen.  Justin stayed still, loving the sensation of heat and tightness around his cock.  Brian was in a more needy state.  He pulled away a bit, then pushed back onto Justin’s cock.  They both grunted their approval, and Justin took control, moving in and out at his own pace.  He didn’t want this to end.  Nature would not oblige, as he felt the need to move faster and faster.  He could feel his orgasm building.  He rammed into Brian, and held on, not drawing back.



Brian turned his head to figure out why Justin had stopped.  Justin kissed him and whispered, “I don’t want this to be over.”


“I know, but it can’t wait.”



They both began moving again.  Brian pulled on his own cock in response to Justin’s thrusts.



“Now, baby!” Brian gasped, shooting his load, as Justin came inside him.  They collapsed onto the chaise.  In a minute or two Justin carefully pulled his penis out and disposed of the condom.  They snuggled against each other, sitting in cum and sweat, kissing and feeling wonderful.



“That was even more fantastic than your blowjob,” Justin sighed.



Brian smiled and kissed him.



“You make a great bottom,” Justin teased.



“Twat!” Brian said.



“Thank goodness you got that sheet.  We would have ruined the chaise.”



“Emile provides everything,” Brian said.



“He certainly does,” said Justin, waving a dildo he had pulled from the drawer.



“Put that thing away, unless you want me to use it on you.”



“I prefer the real thing,” Justin said, kissing the tip of Brian’s dick.  It twitched in response.  “Dessert?” Justin asked, looking at the growing organ.



“Let’s have food dessert first,” Brian said.



“We’re naked and covered in cum.  The waiter can’t come in,” Justin said modestly.



“If I buzz twice, he’ll leave the next course by the door without coming in.”



“Wow!  They do think of everything here!” Justin marveled.



“There’s a little bathroom behind that door.  We can clean up.”



Justin hadn’t even noticed the door.  The panels were papered with the same wallpaper as the rest of the room.  Inside there was a toilet, sink and a rack of towels.



“No shower,” Brian said.  “This used to be a closet, but we can get cleaned up.”  He pushed the buzzer twice, and then took a cloth and ran it under the water.  He wiped his chest, then turned to clean Justin’s cock.  Justin grinned as it started to get hard under Brian’s gentle wipes.



“God, you’re insatiable,” Brian commented.



“Me?  Look who’s talking!” Justin couldn’t help but smirk, as Brian’s cock was also showing signs of life.



There was a gentle tap on the door.  Justin jumped.



“Wait a minute,” Brian said.



After a minute, Brian opened the door and pulled the cart into the room.  On the cart were coffee, cheeses and fruit, a bowl of whipped cream and some large, luscious strawberries.



“Let’s have a picnic,” Brian said lasciviously.  He set the strawberries and cream on the carpeted floor and sat down beside them.  He looked up at Justin who grinned and also sat down.  They fed each other strawberries dipped in the whipped cream, kissing and licking the cream and strawberry juice from each other’s lips.



“That’s a lot of whipped cream,” Justin observed, looking at the rather large bowl.



“I asked for extra,” Brian said lustfully.



“Oh!” Justin smiled.



“Lie on your back,” Brian said.  Justin did so.  Brian took a handful of whipped cream and spread it over Justin’s cock.  The cock responded to the cool cream and Brian’s fingers, and stood erect.  “I’ve always wanted to sculpt,” said Brian, adding more cream.  He fashioned a giant penis of cream around Justin’s actual cock.



“Now you have to eat that if you want to get to the real thing,” Justin laughed.



“Not necessarily,” Brian said.  “Too many calories.”



He grabbed a condom, and gave it to Justin to put on him.  His own hand was still covered with cream.  He used that cream and some from Justin’s stomach to lube his shaft.  His creamy fingers sought Justin’s hole and plunged in.  When he had opened Justin’s pucker, he placed Justin’s legs on his shoulders and positioned his cream covered cock at the opening.



“Ready for dessert?” he asked.



Justin nodded and Brian plunged in.  They rocked together, finding their natural rhythm.  Brian took Justin’s cock, and used his cream sculpture as lubricant to slide up and down the shaft.  Soon they were both panting and coming and coming and coming.



Brian lay on top of Justin, both of them covered in cream and cum and sweat.  Brian licked Justin’s chest, getting a mixture of cream and cum.  He kissed Justin deeply, transferring some to his mouth.



“Tastes yummy,” Justin said, kissing Brian again.



Brian said, “Stay still.”  He reached over and pulled the sheet from the chaise.  He began wiping the cream and cum off Justin.  Justin took another corner of the sheet and did the same for Brian.  When they had cleaned up the worst of the mess, they stood up.  Brian took the demolished sheet and put it in a hamper in the bathroom.  He wet some more cloths and gave one to Justin.  They finished cleaning up as best they could.



“I need a shower,” Justin said.



“This will have to do until we get home.”



They dressed and went downstairs.  Emile greeted them in the hallway.



“I hope you had a lovely evening,” he said.



“Fabulous,” Justin grinned.



“Thanks, Emile,” Brian said, shaking his hand.



“Come again soon,” Emile said, as they left.  Justin didn’t miss the double entendre.



“Does he know what we did?”  Justin looked horrified.



“Not really, but I’m sure he used his imagination,” Brian said, laughing.



They drove home mostly in silence.



“That was the best evening!” Justin raved, as they arrived at the loft.



“Ridiculously romantic enough for you?” Brian asked.



“Above and beyond.”



“Let’s take a shower and relive the high points,” Brian said suggestively.



They rushed to the bathroom, getting rid of clothes as they went.  Justin had forgotten that they had so many high points.



They collapsed on the bed some time later, both exhausted, and very happy.  Neither thought about tomorrow’s trip, or bad dreams, or whispered warnings inside one’s head.

Of Doubts and Dreams  

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss  



The morning after their “dinner” at Emile’s, the alarm woke them much too soon.



“Shit!” said Brian, slapping the alarm to shut it off.



“Morning, sexy,” Justin said, snuggling against Brian.



Brian groaned.  “I’m beat.  How many times did we get off last night?”



“We were fast approaching that trillion,” Justin giggled.



“Unnh, I’m a wreck,” Brian moaned, “and I have to pack for Boston.  Ten o’clock flight.  Will you be all right?”  He brushed his fingers through Justin’s hair.



“Let’s have a shower, and then I’ll help you.”  Justin smiled at him.



“Just a shower!” Brian said emphatically, but Justin knew better.  The shower was one of their favorite places to have sex, and it was this morning too.



When they finally came out, Brian said, “Brat!  You’re going to make me late.”  However, at the same time he grabbed Justin and kissed him.  “Are you sure you’ll be all right while I’m gone?”



“I’m sure.  I was fine last night.”



“You were too worn out by our exertions to dream,” Brian smirked.



“Speak for yourself,” Justin teased.  “I was barely tired.”



“Liar,” Brian chuckled, kissing him again.



“Come on,” said Justin.  “Get dressed, pick the clothes you want to take, and I’ll pack them for you.”



They were done in ten minutes.  They grabbed a glass of juice before they rushed out.  Justin drove Brian to the airport, and dropped him off with assurances that he would be fine.  He hoped that was true.



Brian watched him drive off, wondering if he should catch a cab and stay in Pittsburgh.  That little voice whispered of desertion in times of trouble.



ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss



At 10 pm the phone rang.  Justin answered immediately.  “Brian,” he said, “I miss you.”



“Miss you too.  Where are you?”



“Sitting on the bed, sketching.”



“Was everything all right today?  No problems?”



“No problems.  I’m fine.”



“Good, then how about some phone sex, since you’re already in bed.”



“You don’t waste any time beating around the bush.”



“This is long distance, you know,” Brian joked.  “Besides, I’m going to be beating something else, since you’re not here to help me.”



“Poor baby,” Justin said.  “I’ll do my best to help you from here.  What are you wearing?”



“The blue silk robe.  You?”



“Nothing.”



“Shit!  Did you start without me?”



“Only once.  I couldn’t wait.  When I sat on the bed and smelled you on the sheets and pillows, my dick got hard, and I had to relieve myself.”



Brian chuckled.  “Hmm, my scent will set you off.  I’ll have to remember that for future reference.”



“What do you mean?  I’m just lonely, that’s all.”



“So am I.  God, I wish you were here.”



“Me too.  Take off your robe and rub it across your chest.”



Brian did as Justin said.  The soft silk felt good.  Brian groaned.



“Are we making progress?” Justin asked.



“If you mean, is my dick hard?  The answer is yes.  It was, as soon as I heard your voice,” Brian admitted.



“Hmm, my voice will set you off.  I’ll have to remember that for future reference,” Justin said, parroting Brian’s words.



“Brat!” Brian said, laughing.



“Flick the robe over your dick and pull it back slowly,” Justin ordered.  Brian obeyed.  Justin heard him groan again.  “Seems like we need to get some serious help for you.”



“Please, Doctor Justin,” Brian said.



“Oooh, I love it when you beg.”



“I’m begging,” said Brian.  “What state are you in?”



“My dick’s dripping, and it’s twitching every time you speak.”



“Fuck, I want to suck it.”


“And I want you to.  Imagine I’m there, my mouth around the tip of your cock, spreading the precum around.”


“I love the feel of your lips.  I’ll do the same for you.  You taste so good.  Oh, God, Justin,” Brian moaned into the phone.



“I’m licking your balls, and sucking on one, then the other.”



“My mouth takes you in, all the way down my throat.”


“Oh, Brian!  I can feel it.”



Both men worked their dicks, hands sliding up and down, faster and faster.



“I’m coming,” Brian gasped.



“Me too,” Justin moaned.



They both shot their loads, falling back against their pillows.



“That felt good,” Brian said.  “Are you ready to sleep now?”


“I think so, but I still miss you.”

“I miss you too.  One more night and I’ll be there.”

“You better be.  Loaded and ready.”


Brian laughed.  “Later,” he said.



“Later,” Justin replied, and pushed the end button.



ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss



Justin opened the loft door.  He felt something was very wrong.



“Brian,” he called.  There was no reply.



He could feel his heart start to pound, and he tried to breathe, but breaths were difficult.  He turned back toward the loft door, but a figure holding a baseball bat filled the doorway.  The figure stepped forward, raising the bat.  It was Chris Hobbs.  He swung the bat at Justin’s head.



“NO!” Justin screamed, sitting bolt upright.



He reached for Brian, but the bed was empty.  He trembled uncontrollably from head to toe.  His breathing was shallow and labored.  He felt like his chest was going to explode.  Tears rolled down his face, and he clutched his knees to his chin.



“No, no, no,” he moaned, as he rocked back and forth.



After a long while he collapsed onto his side and curled up in a fetal position.  He continued to cry and whimper, not knowing how to make the hurt go away.  Much, much later he fell back to sleep, exhausted, to dream no more this night.



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Brian called at 10 pm the next night.  Justin tried to sound upbeat when he answered, but Brian could hear something strained in his voice.  “Did you have a nightmare last night?” he asked.



Justin sighed.  “I’m fine,” he said.



“You don’t sound fine.  I can hear something in your voice.  Was it the same nightmare or a different one?”



“Same.” Justin gave in.



“Shit!  I knew I shouldn’t have left you.”


“I’m all right.  It shook me up a bit, but I eventually got back to sleep.”



“Why don’t I talk you to sleep right now?” Brian volunteered, knowing Justin would not have slept much after the nightmare.



“What?  No phone sex tonight?”



“No.  You need your rest.  Are you in bed?”


“Yes.”



“Naked?”



“Yes.”



“Shit!  I shouldn’t have asked that.”


Justin giggled.  Brian could always make him feel better, or worse, or ecstatic, or horrible.  Brian made him feel everything and anything.  He frowned.



“Justin, are you there?”



“Huh, yeah.”



“Lie down and get comfortable.”



“It’s hard when you’re not here.”


“I’m hard too.”



“I thought you said no phone sex.”



“Maybe we could do that first.”


“Sounds good.  I’ve been hard and playing with myself since before you called.”



“Before?” Brian asked.



“Anticipation,” Justin said.



Brian chuckled.  “So how have you been playing, little boy?”



“Well, sir, I’ve been running my fingers up and down my cock, imagining they were your lips.”



“Naughty boy!”  I’m going to have to take you in hand.”



“Oh please, sir,” Justin giggled.



“I’m sucking the tip, and licking, and blowing over the head.  My lips are sliding up and down along the side, and then I take you all in, and hold you there, hot and protected.”



Justin groaned.



“Now my lips suck up to the tip and release you.  I’m moving down to your balls.  They are so warm and tasty in my mouth.  I’m rolling them around my tongue.”


“Brian,” Justin groaned.



Brian’s own hand was working his cock faster and faster as he spoke.  “Now back to your dick.  My mouth surrounds it and sucks up slowly, then plunges down.  Up and down, sucking the tip each time.  I’m getting ready to come.  How about you, baby?” Brian asked.



“Oh, yes!”



“Good baby.  A few more firm strokes, and yes!”



They both came within seconds of each other.  No words were spoken for a couple of minutes.



“Whew!  That was awesome, Brian!  But I wish you were here to hold me now.”



“Me too.  Now turn on your side, and imagine I’m against your back.  My arms are around you, holding you tight.  I’m rubbing slow circles on your chest.  Close your eyes.  Feel my breath on your neck.  Breathe slow and deep.  I’ll be home tomorrow at one.  You can pick me up and I’ll hold you like this tomorrow night, and every night.  Sleep well, Baby!”



“Night, Brian.” Justin hung up, yawning and scrunching down into the bed.  He was soon fast asleep.



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Justin opened the loft door.  He expected Brian to be there, but he wasn’t.  He felt tense.  Something was wrong.



“Brian,” he called, but he knew no one would answer.



His breathing sped up and he turned to run.  The figure loomed in the doorway.  He saw the bat being raised, as Chris Hobbs stepped into the loft.



“NO!” Justin screamed, and the bat came toward his head.



Justin sat up, sweating and panting.  He couldn’t get a proper breath.  He reached over and grabbed Brian’s pillow.  He buried his face in it.



“Brian,” he cried, “I’m so scared!  I need you!”



He clutched the pillow to his chest and rocked back and forth, tears rolling down his face.  He could feel himself trembling.  What could he do?  He looked at the clock, 4 am.  He wanted to call Brian, but he knew it would upset him.  He had a 7:30 meeting before he went to the airport.



He picked up the phone and dialed Emmett’s number.



“Hello,”  a sleepy voice said.



”Emmett, it’s Justin,” he said weakly.



“What’s wrong?” Emmett asked, hearing the fear in Justin’s voice.



“I had a nightmare.  I’m scared and Brian’s in Boston.  Could you come over?  I’m really rattled.”



“Twenty minutes,” Emmett said and hung up.



The buzzer rang fifteen minutes later, and Justin let Emmett in.  When he opened the loft door, he threw himself at Emmett.  Emmett folded him into his arms and held on.  Gradually Justin stopped shuddering.



“Thank you for coming,” Justin sighed.



“No problem, baby,” he said, walking him up to the bedroom.  “Lay down,” he said.  “You need to rest.”



“Lay beside me.  I need you to touch me so that I know you’re here.”



Emmett laid down behind him, and ran his hand up and down Justin’s arm.  He heard Justin sigh and choke back a sob.



“Poor kid,” he thought.  “I wonder what’s going on?”



He continued rubbing gently on his arm, his back, his chest.  Soon Justin’s breathing indicated that he was asleep.  Emmett kept rubbing for a while, yawning himself.



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Brian opened the loft door at 8 am.  He had cancelled his meeting, having scored the account the day before.  They could sign the papers without him.  He had caught the 6 am flight, knowing that Justin might need him.



He walked up the steps to the bedroom to see Justin in bed with Emmett draped all over him.



“What the fuck?” he said.



Both men sat up, blinking and looking around in confusion.



“Brian,” they each said.



“What’s going on?” Brian wanted to know.



“Nothing,” they each said.



“This doesn’t look like nothing.  What are you doing here, Emmett?”



“Justin called me early this morning.  He’d had a nightmare and didn’t want to be alone.  I came over to keep him company and I fell asleep.”


“Nightmare?  Are you all right, Justin?” Brian asked.



“I am now.  What time is it?  I was supposed to pick you up.”



“It’s 8:30 in the morning.  I caught an early flight.”



“8:30.  Shit!  I have to go or I’ll be late for work,” Emmett said, getting up from the bed.  Brian gave him a look, but Emmett bent and kissed the top of Justin’s head.  “Bye, baby,” he said.



“Thanks, Emm,” Justin said, as Emmett made his way to the door.



“Yeah, thanks, Emm!” Brian said, giving him an unpleasant glare.



Emmett beat a hasty retreat, slamming the loft door behind him.



Brian looked at Justin.  “Explain,” he said.



Justin feared this would not go well, but he began, “I had the same nightmare and woke up about 4 am.”



“Why didn’t you call me?”



“I didn’t want to worry you.”



“But you were scared enough to call Emmett?”



“I just wanted someone with me.”



“Justin, what’s going on?  Why are you having these nightmares now?”



“I don’t know,” Justin said, starting to tear up.  “I wish I could prevent them, but I can’t.  They scare me.”



“They scare me too, because of what they do to you.”



“Brian, come here please,” Justin almost whimpered.



He couldn’t be mad when he heard the pain in Justin’s voice.  He moved to the bed and sat down beside Justin, enfolding him in his arms.  Justin leaned his head against Brian’s chest and held on.  He sighed deeply.



“I’m here now,” he said, kissing the top of Justin’s head.



Justin clung to him.  He wanted to beg him never to leave again, but he was afraid to say that.  He knew it was an unreasonable request, but that was all he wanted.



“I think you need to talk to someone about these dreams,” Brian said.  “They’re so frequent and you’re a mess.”



“I’ll be all right now that you’re back,” Justin said, not wanting anything more to do with doctors.



“What about calling Dr. Bennett?  She counseled you after the attack.”



“She helped a bit, back then, but I don’t know.”  Justin sighed.



“We have to do something to stop this.”  Brian sounded firm about that.



“All right.  Call her,” Justin gave in.



Brian was able to get an appointment for Justin at 7 am the next day.  The doctor remembered Justin and had agreed to come in early to see him, before any of her regular patients arrived.  They were lucky that she was willing to do that.



“I wish it was today,” Brian said.



“I wish it was never.  I don’t want to do this.  I should be all right.  I hate being weak, and having people feel they have to look after me.  Especially you!”



“Justin, getting help isn’t weakness.  We need to sort this out.”  He looked at Justin’s sad face.  “Let’s go shopping, and buy something spectacular so that we can go dancing tonight.”



“Don’t you have to work?”



“I’ll call in, and make sure those papers got signed, and then we’ll take the rest of the day off.”



“We’ll?” he repeated.  He liked the sound of that, and maybe shopping would take his mind off the nightmare and the impending doctor’s visit.  And, any time spent with Brian was a bonus.



They had a good day.  They bought new outfits to go clubbing that night, had a great Italian meal for dinner, and turned a lot of heads when they arrived at Babylon in their new duds.  They danced to exhaustion, came home early, and fucked each other’s brains out.  Sleep was not a problem.



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Justin opened the door to the loft.  He called for Brian, but knew he wouldn’t get an answer.



His anxiety escalated, and he started to feel the pain in his chest, as his breathing became labored.



He turned back toward the door, and saw the figure that loomed there.



No,” he whimpered.  “No.”



The figure stepped forward.  It was Chris Hobbs.  He raised the bat and swung.



Justin screamed.  Hands grabbed him and held him tight.  He heard Brian’s voice telling him it was all right, and he finally opened his eyes, fighting his way to wakefulness.  He looked at Brian’s worried face and started to cry.



“Why?  Why?” he asked, bewildered.



“Same thing?” Brian asked.



Justin nodded, holding on for dear life.



Brian said, “I’m here. Don’t be scared.  I’m not going to leave you.  It’s all right.”



Justin wished that were true, but he didn’t think it was.



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Brian went with Justin to the appointment.  He wanted to make sure that Justin went, even if he couldn’t go in with him.  He’d go to work afterwards.  When they arrived at the doctor’s office, she showed them in herself, her receptionist not arriving for another hour.  She said Brian could be part of the discussion, if Justin wanted that.  He did.



They told her what had been happening.  Justin described the dream, and Brian told her about their theory that Justin was afraid to be left alone.



The doctor took it all in, and wrote some notes.  Then she asked, “Justin, do you think Brian’s trip triggered this?”



“I can’t think of anything else,” he said.



“No other traumas in the last while?”



Justin looked at Brian, who nodded.  Justin began, “Brian and I broke up a few months ago.  I cheated on him and lied to him, and he pushed me away.  I lived with someone else for awhile.”



“But you’re back together now?”



“Yes.”



“Is everything all right between you?” she asked, looking from one to the other.



“I think so,” Justin said.



“That’s not a ringing endorsement,” she said.



“We’re still working things out,” Brian said.



“We hurt each other a lot.  It was mostly my fault.  I was a fool,” Justin admitted.



“And you, Brian?” the doctor asked.



“We’re here about Justin, not me,” he stated.



“But you’re a big part of Justin’s life.  Have you come to terms with what happened?”



Brian looked at Justin.  He wanted to reassure the boy and say yes.  The little voice in his head said, “Tell the truth.”  He looked back and forth between them.  Justin looked worried.



“I’m trying to come to terms with it,” he admitted.



“Which means you haven’t?” she asked.



“Not exactly.”  Justin looked hurt.



“I’ve been worried that you didn’t really trust me,” Justin admitted.  “How could you, after everything I did?”  He looked to be on the verge of tears.



Brian had to say something to console him.  He didn’t want to hurt him.  “It’s not that I don’t trust you.  I am so glad to have you back.  I need you, and  ...  I love you,” he confessed.  Justin smiled a little bit at his words.



“But?” the doctor pursued.



Brian sighed.  “But I still have some doubts.  I’ve changed many things in my life to be with Justin.  When he left, I felt betrayed and the pain was unbearable.  I tried to go back to my old life, and I found that I had lost it too.  I don’t think I could stand it if I lost him again.  I don’t know what I would do.”



“You’re not going to lose me,” Justin affirmed.



Brian took his hand.  “I believe you now, but I worry about the future.”



Justin shook his head, looking miserable.



“Did you know this, Justin?” the doctor asked.



“Not exactly.  I knew things weren’t the way they used to be before we broke up, but I was hoping they’d be better.  Brian’s been great.  We talk about a lot of things that we never discussed before.  I guess, deep down, I feared that Brian didn’t really believe I was back to stay.  I’ve been trying to prove to him that I’m where I want to be, and I’m not leaving.”



“Do you believe that, Brian?” she asked.



“I try to.  Most of the time, I think I do, but there’s a little voice in my head that keeps saying, ‘Be careful.  It may not work out.’”



“That’s understandable,” she said.  “That’s self-preservation.  You’re warning yourself not to go faster and farther than you’re able to deal with.”



Brian looked surprised.  “You mean it’s not just doom and gloom?  Me being a pessimist?” Brian asked.



“You have valid reasons to be apprehensive after what happened.  You can’t just turn around and trust someone who hurt you, with no misgivings,” she said logically.



Brian seemed to be processing this.  Then he said, “But what does this have to do with the nightmares?”



“Think about it for a minute.  You’re leaving on a business trip, operative word ‘leaving’.  Justin doesn’t have your complete trust, which is, as I said, understandable.  He’s worried about you being away and what you’ll do.  Will you even come back?  His mind conjures up the worst time of his life, being bashed by Chris Hobbs.  In the dream he’s looking for you in the loft, but you’re not there, and then Chris Hobbs hits him.  He still does not remember the actual bashing, but he is putting the three people involved in it in a new scenario.  That’s often how the subconscious deals with fears.”


“That makes sense,” said Justin.



“But how does this help stop the nightmares?” Brian asked.



“Knowledge always helps, but there are no guarantees.  It sounds like you two still have issues that need to be discussed, and agreed upon.  It will take time and effort to rebuild trust.”



“So it really doesn’t have anything to do with Chris Hobbs?” Justin wanted to know.



“I don’t think so.  If it was issues with him, it would have happened sooner.  I think you’ve both put that behind you.”  They both nodded.  “It’s the break-up and the fallout from that that appears to be at the centre of the problem.”



“What do we do about that?” Brian asked.



“Keep talking.  When things bother you, either of you, say so.  Get it out in the open.  You both need reassurances from each other.  You’ve been hurt, and you need to help each other heal.”



“That’s what we said we were going to do when we got back together,” Justin said.  “We spent a lot of time talking before we moved back in together.”


“That’s good,” said the doctor, “but have you kept it up?”



Brian and Justin looked at each other.  Each shook his head.



Brian said, “Not really.  We’ve kind of fallen back into our old patterns.”



“That led to the break-up?” Dr. Bennett asked.



“Yes,” said Brian.



“Remember McDonalds?” Justin said.  Brian looked at him, not understanding.  “You were teasing me, but at the same time you told me to speak up and tell you what I wanted.  Ironically, that’s what the doctor is saying now, to both of us.  I had stopped doing that, because I didn’t want to upset you or cause trouble between us.”



Brian had to agree.  They talked very little about their feelings or needs.  They were happy to be back together, and the fucking was great as always.  They didn’t want serious conversations to cause ripples, if not waves, in the seeming calm of their lives.  He looked at Justin who seemed to have reached the same conclusion.



“We do need to talk more, Brian.  Even if it’s not your favorite thing,” Justin said.



Brian nodded.  “If it will stop these nightmares, I’m willing.”



“That’s not the best reason I’ve ever heard to have these discussions, but at least you’re willing to do it,” Dr. Bennett said.



“Do you think there will be more nightmares?” Justin asked.



“I can’t say for sure.  You may still be suffering post traumatic stress, and you haven’t resolved the doubts that each of you has about this relationship, so there is a possibility that they may continue.  You will need to deal with these issues before the nightmares will stop completely.”



“What should I do?” Justin asked.



“I can refer you to a relationship counselor who might be able to help you converse freely and discuss the trust issues you both have.”



Justin groaned, “Not another doctor!”



“If it’s necessary, then we’ll do it,” Brian said.



Justin looked at him in surprise.  He knew Brian hated shrinks more than he did.  He couldn’t believe Brian was volunteering to go.  Did he think they were in that much trouble?  Did he feel Justin was beyond his ability to help him?  Justin didn’t like either possibility.  Since he had been told to speak his mind, he decided he wanted an answer to that question.



“Brian, why are you willing to go to someone?  I know you hate shrinks.”



“Because I want you back, healthy and happy, not haunted.”  He looked tenderly at Justin.  “I also realized I do have doubts that I have been trying to ignore.  Look what happened to us the last time we got out of sync and stopped communicating.  I don’t want that to happen again.”



“I love you.”  Justin smiled.



Brian smiled back.  “Me too.”



“That was excellent, gentlemen,” the doctor said.  They looked at her.  “You expected something much worse from Brian’s answer, didn’t you, Justin?”  He nodded.  “See how communication clarifies, and not always, but often, makes you feel better.”



Justin smiled at her.  “Thanks, Doctor.  I do feel better.”



“Let’s arrange an appointment with that counselor,” she said, rising and indicating that the session was over.



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Brian went to work after dropping Justin off at school.  He didn’t really want to discuss his private life with a stranger, or with anybody, for that matter.  But, if it would help them, and prevent them from making the same mistakes again, he was willing to give it a try.



The little voice in his head said, “Well done.”

Blame and Responsibility  

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The weekend was great - kissing, fucking, dancing at Babylon, drinks with the boys at Woody’s, no work, no worries, no nightmares.  Since Brian’s return and the visit with Dr. Bennett, there had been no more bad dreams.  Three days and no Chris Hobbs.  Brian had done his best to reassure Justin and to wear him out so that he would sleep soundly.  It seemed to be working.



Dr. Bennett had made an appointment for them with a Dr. Jamison for 4 pm on Monday.  Justin was beginning to wonder if they needed to go.  He knew Brian didn’t want to.  He hated people prying into his life.  Justin too was reluctant to bear his soul to a stranger, especially if it wasn’t really necessary.  He didn’t want to admit his weaknesses to someone new.



Justin decided to test the idea of cancelling the appointment.  He called Brian at noon on Monday.  He told him he was just checking in, and wondered if Brian could leave work early enough to make their appointment.  He was hoping it would be a problem, and then he would suggest cancelling.



Brian said he had switched a few things around, and would pick Justin up at quarter to four.  Arrangements made, Justin reconciled himself to the fact that they were going to the appointment, for better or worse.



When they walked into the office of Dr. Jamison, they looked a bit like two schoolboys being sent to the principal’s office.  There was a combination of nervous anticipation and dread on each of their faces.



They were ushered in to the doctor’s office, where a kindly looking middle aged man sat behind a desk.  He stood and motioned for Brian and Justin to take the two armchairs on the opposite side of the desk.



Mr. Kinney, Mr. Taylor, I’m Frank Jamison.  If you would like, please call me Frank,” the doctor said by way of introduction.



“Brian,” Brian said, shaking his hand.  “This is Justin.”  Justin also shook his hand.



“Dr. Bennett told me a little bit about your situation, but I’d prefer if you told me why you’ve come here,” Frank said.



Brian cleared his throat.  He looked at Justin who shrugged his shoulders.  Brian said, “We were together, we broke up, we got back together.  Justin’s been having nightmares.  We don’t want to make the same mistakes we made before.”



“Very succinct,” Frank said.  “Would you care to elaborate, Justin?”



Justin said, “I don’t think so.”



Frank looked at him, realizing this wasn’t going to be easy.



“So you don’t want to be here, Justin?” he asked.



“Not really.”



“Then why are you?”



“I’ve been having nightmares, but they’ve stopped.  Brian and Dr. Bennett thought this was a good idea.  I don’t think it’s necessary anymore.”



So you don’t think this is a good idea?”



“No.”



“Do you always do what others want, and not what you want?”



Justin’s anger flared at that.  “If you are another so-called ‘medical expert’ who’s going to tell me that I’m not standing up for myself, that I don’t speak my mind, then I am leaving.  I’m not putting up with it.”  He stood up, ready to go.



“Justin,” Brian said, touching his arm.  Justin sat down, glowering.



“Brian, why didn’t you let him go, if that’s what he wants?” the doctor asked.



“He knows he can leave any time.  I want him to know I don’t want him to.  What’s wrong with that?”



“Nothing, if he really has the choice.”



“Stop talking about me like I’m not here,” Justin demanded.



“Why are you here, Justin?” Frank asked.



“I don’t know.  I’m sick of being a victim, the weak one.  I don’t understand why I was having those nightmares, but I haven’t had one for three nights.”



“Do you think you have issues to work out with Brian?”



“Probably,,, yes,” Justin admitted reluctantly.



“Isn’t that a good reason to be here?” Frank suggested.



“I guess so, but it’s not all my fault.”



“No one said it was.”



“But my nightmares are what got us here.”



“So you feel responsible?”



“I guess so.”



“How do you feel about this, Brian?  You haven’t said much so far,” Frank said.


“I think we had problems communicating the first time we were together, and that caused us to break up.  I don’t want the same thing to happen again,” Brian said matter-of-factly.



“Okay, what kind of communication problems?”



“Justin wanted things he didn’t express to me.  He did things he didn’t really want to do, but he didn’t say he didn’t want to do them.”



“It isn’t all my fault.  You didn’t listen to me when I tried to tell you what I wanted,” Justin said, feeling the need to defend himself.



“I know,” said Brian.  “I’ve never been much of a listener, or a talker.  I usually think it’s a waste of time.”



“And is this a waste of time?” Frank asked.



“The jury’s still out on that one,” Brian said, sticking his tongue in his cheek.  “But I hope not.”



“Well, at least that’s somewhat encouraging,” the doctor said.  “Where do you think we should start?”



Brian looked at him incredulously.  “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to tell us?”



Frank smiled.  “You’d like me to snap my fingers and fix everything right now, wouldn’t you?”



“That would be just dandy,” Brian said sarcastically.



“I need to know what either, or preferably, both of you want to work on,” Frank said.



“The nightmares,” Brian stated.



They described the nightmare in detail, and explained Dr. Bennett’s theory about them having unresolved issues that caused Justin to revert back to the bashing in his subconscious.  Dr. Jamison listened intently.  He noticed the way one would fill in bits of information that the other left out.  He noted the concern Brian showed over the bashing and its lingering effects on Justin.  He asked a few questions as they went along, so that by the end of the session, he had a good understanding of their background and their relationship.



As they left the office, he thought, “My God, they have been through a lot.  How have they survived this long?  All the odds say they should never have gotten together at all.  They have been through enough traumas to destroy most couples.  Yet they are still together, and prepared to fight to stay that way.  They obviously have profound feelings for one another, but having hurt each other deeply, they are wary and troubled about their future.  There is a lot of work to do, if they are up to it.”



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Brian and Justin walked in silence to the Jeep.



“What did you think?” Justin asked.



“He seems like a nice man, but I’m not sure he can help us.”



“Are you going to come back next week?”



“Yes. Are you?” Brian asked, studying Justin’s face.



“You are?  I’m surprised.  I thought you’d try to get out of it.  He asked some very personal questions.  I’m not sure he is the right person to help us.  I think he’s straight.”


“What does that have to do with anything?”



“I don’t know.  I just thought you wouldn’t trust him.”



“I trust everyone, until they prove me wrong.”



“Like me?”



“No, not like you.  Did you hear what I said in there?  I need you.  I’m not giving up on us.  I’m willing to fight to make this work.  I want to trust you, but I don’t know if you trust yourself.  Do you really know that I’m the one you want?  You weren’t so sure a few months ago.  Is that going to happen again?”



Justin didn’t know how to answer that.  He thought for a moment, then said, “I don’t know the answer to that.  I’ve told you over and over that you’re all that I want, and I mean it, but I can’t predict the future.”



“At least that’s honest, and it’s a starting point,” Brian said.



“I feel worse now that before we went in there.”



“So do I.”



“So what good is it?”



“I never thought that digging into this would be easy, but I have this feeling that it’s necessary.  Painful or not.”



“Can we go home?” Justin asked.



“At least you still want to,” Brian said, climbing into the Jeep.



They drove home in silence.  They ate take-out in silence.  They watched TV in silence, each thinking about what had happened, and not knowing what to say.  They undressed and got ready for bed in silence.  When they both slid under the covers, they lay on their backs, staring at the ceiling in silence.



Brian turned his head and looked at Justin, just as Justin did the same.



“I love you,” Brian said simply, and that was all it took.  Justin dove at his mouth and smothered it with kisses.  His body wrapped around Brian, and he seemed to be trying to inhale him.  Brian held on, trying to breathe amidst the barrage of kisses.



Justin heard him laughing and stopped, sitting up, and looking at Brian questioningly.  “What’s so funny?” he asked, offended.



“I think I have a new nickname for you,” Brian chuckled.



“What now?  Like I don’t have enough nicknames already!”



“I’m going to call you Hoover, because you have better suction that any vacuum cleaner.”



“That’s not funny!” Justin said, trying not to giggle.



“Want to try out your sucking power on something else?” Brian asked, wagging his dick at Justin.



Justin grinned.  “Think you can handle it?” he asked.



Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek and nodded.



Justin put his lips around the head of Brian’s cock and sucked.  It was already hard, but it seemed to lengthen and expand under Justin’s lips.  He ran his tongue along the slit, collecting precum.  He licked up and down the sides of Brian’s cock, spreading precum and saliva.  He sucked on the prominent vein along the side, and Brian writhed in pleasure.  Taking hold of the base of his cock, he slid his lips down to touch his fingers, taking all of Brian down his throat.  He moaned and sucked and rolled his tongue around the shaft.  Then he really began to suck, up and down, rapidly then slowly, working over the shaft and tugging on the tip.  Brian was panting and moaning, barely able to control himself.  Justin worked faster.  He took hold of Brian’s balls and rolled them around with his fingers.



“Christ, Justin!” Brian groaned.



“Call me Hoover,” Justin said, pausing for a moment.



Brian grabbed him and kissed him so intensely, he thought he might faint.



“I’m going to fuck you, like I’ve never fucked you,” Brian growled, his voice full of lust.  He flipped Justin over onto his stomach, and grabbed the lube.  He quickly inserted one lubed finger in Justin’s hole.  Justin’s head flew up, and he wanted to scream his pleasure.  “Yes!” he hissed.  Brian added another finger, and crooked it inside, and then Justin did scream, “I want you inside me now!  Fuck me!  Now, Brian!”



Brian quickly donned a condom.  He leaned on Justin’s back, positioning the tip of his cock at the pucker.  He whispered in Justin’s ear, “Ready for a wild ride?”



Justin gasped, “Ride ‘em cowboy!”



Brian laughed, and thrust his cock deep into Justin.  Justin gasped, but rocked back to take everything Brian had to offer.  He turned his head, and Brian kissed him, keeping himself impaled in the warmth of Justin’s hole.



Brian pulled back, leaving only the tip of his cock inside.  He plunged back, deeper than before.  Justin grunted and pushed back.  Brian rotated his hips and ground against Justin’s ass.  Justin did the same, causing exquisite friction for each of them.  They both groaned their pleasure.  Brian pushed Justin’s shoulders down and pulled his butt up.  He slammed in, hitting Justin’s prostate.



“Oh, God!!” Justin moaned.



Brian smiled, his primal sexual grin playing on his lips.  He leaned over Justin, intertwining his fingers with the boy’s.  His thrusts came faster, and Justin met each one with equal force.  They were both panting and gasping.  Brian grabbed Justin’s cock and pulled in time with his thrusts.  He saw flashes of light behind his closed eyelids, and then he was coming, like he rarely had before.



He felt like the world stopped spinning, and time stood still.  The next thing he knew, he was on top of Justin, trying to open his eyes.



“Fuck!!” he gasped.  “Are you all right, Justin?”



“I think I just died!” Justin said.  “I saw white light.  Are we at the Pearly Gates?”



“More likely the Gates of Hell for me,” Brian said.  “Shit!  That was ... cosmic!”  He couldn’t think of a better word.



“You’re going to kill me one of these times,” Justin breathed, “but I’ll die a happy man.”



“Me too!” Brian said.  “How can it keep getting better?”



“I don’t know,” Justin said, “but it does.  I hate to ask, but can you move?  My cock’s trapped at a funny angle, and it hurts.”



Brian slowly rolled off of him.  Justin turned over and welded his mouth on Brian’s, kissing, sucking, biting Brian’s lips, dueling with his tongue.  Brian responded in kind.  After a few minutes of these intense kisses, Justin slid down Brian’s body, and laid his head on Brian’s chest.



“Hoover,” Brian said.



“What?” Justin giggled.



“These kisses have consequences.”


“What do you mean?”



“My dick got hard while you were kissing me.”


“Already?” Justin asked.



“It’s your fault.  You’ll have to do something about it,” Brian said solemnly.



“Vacuums ‘R Us!” Justin cried, and attacked Brian’s cock.



Hours later they were finally sated.



“I thought seeing Dr. Jamison was a real downer,” Justin said, “but if it leads to sex like this, let’s go every day!”


“Christ, that would kill us for sure!” Brian averred.



Justin chuckled.  “Have I told you lately that I love you?”



“Isn’t that a song?”



“Huh?”  Justin didn’t recognize it.



“An old song.”  Brian looked annoyed.  He still hated when things like this reminded him of their age difference.



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The week progressed reasonably well.  They talked occasionally, but still avoided topics that seemed too dangerous.  On the surface they were happy, but both knew there were problems to be dealt with, and their next appointment with Dr. Jamison loomed large.



Justin was worried.  He didn’t see how dredging up every aspect of their lives could possibly solve anything.  And Brian’s attitude, volunteering to go to these sessions, was so hard to fathom.  He did believe that Brian wanted things to work out between them, but was this the way to facilitate that?  He didn’t think so.  He was sure it would all end up being his fault.  He had fucked and lied and left.  Of course it was his fault.  He wasn’t sure he could face that, and Brian’s blame that went along with it.



Brian wondered about these sessions.  He knew they were iffy at best.  He didn’t trust shrinks, but Dr. Bennett had pointed out some things that he hadn’t thought about.  Maybe Dr. Jamison, Frank, could so the same.  He smiled.  Frank seemed like the kind of father he never had, but would have wanted.  He had gotten a good feeling from the man.  He seemed non-judgmental, but frank, like his name.  He seemed very fair, didn’t waffle, and didn’t take crap.  To Brian these were good qualities.  He was willing to go to a few sessions and see what happened.  He wondered if Justin was so willing.  He had seemed worried and defensive during the first session.  He probably thinks he’s going to get all of the blame.  He shouldn’t feel that way, because it took both of us to destroy things.  He’d have to remember to say that during the session.  At least half the blame was his.



Monday afternoon at four rolled around pretty quickly.  They met at Dr. Jamison’s office.



Frank called them in.  They sat in the same chairs.



“Any nightmares?” he asked.



“No.” Justin shook his head.



“That must be a relief.”



“It is, but it makes me wonder why we’re here, if I’m not having them anymore.”



“So, you still don’t want to be here.  I thought we went over this last time,” Frank pointed out.



“We did,” said Brian, “and we’re both going to try to make this work.”  Brian looked pointedly at Justin.



“Okay,” said Justin.



“How was your week?” Frank asked.



“We nearly called to get an appointment for every day,” Brian said, smirking.



“Brian,” said Justin, swatting his arm.



“Did I miss something?” Frank asked, noting the smirks.



“No,” Justin said.  “We had a pretty good week, but we didn’t talk too much.”



“But you used other forms of communication?” asked Frank, with a twinkle in his eye.



“Sex has never been a problem with us.  It’s the stuff in between sex,” Brian clarified.



“I see,” said Frank. “So what part of the in between stuff should we work on?”



“I think Justin needs to know that he’s not the only one to blame for everything that happened.  I accept at least half the responsibility.”



Justin looked at him and grinned.  “I can’t believe you did that.  I’ve been worried that it was all my fault, and that I’d be blamed for everything.  But it is mostly my fault.  I’m the one who cheated.”



“But I forced you into it, by not being more aware of what was happening.  I didn’t listen to you,” Brian said.



“I know, but it was my fault.  I left.”



“Christ, we sound like Melanie and Lindsay,” Brian said.  They both laughed at the thought.



“Who are Melanie and Lindsay?” Frank asked.



“They’re a lesbian couple.  Lindsay is the mother of my son, Gus.  By artificial insemination,” Brian clarified.



“I see.  Do you have contact with your son?”



“Yes, I see him every now and then, and occasionally he stays over with us,” Brian said.



“How do you feel about that, Justin?”



“I love Gus.  He was born the night we met.  When I saw Brian with his baby, I knew he was a special man,” Justin stated.



“Even then?  I was pretty shitty to you for a long time.”



“But you’ll notice that it didn’t deter me.  I told you I was on to you, and I was.  I saw the side of you with Gus that you hide from everyone else.”



“Is that who you fell in love with, Gus’ father?” Frank asked.



“Yes, but also Brian Kinney the stud of Liberty Avenue, and Brian Kinney advertising exec, and Brian Kinney selfish asshole.  I love all aspects of Brian Kinney.”



“That’s quite a statement, Justin,” Frank observed.



“I mean it!” Justin stated with conviction.



“You’re making me blush,” quipped Brian, feeling this was getting way too heavy.



“My guess is not much makes you blush, Brian,” Frank observed.



Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek and tried to look unconcerned.



“How did you feel about Justin?” Frank asked.



“I thought he was an annoying brat.  He was much too young to know what he wanted.  I kept pushing him away, but he wouldn’t go.  He made me feel special, not the heartless shit I had convinced everyone I was.  Sex with him was, is, fantastic.  We are very good for each other in a lot of ways, but sometimes we’re bad for each other too.”


“Bad?  How?” Frank wanted to know.  So did Justin by the look on his face.



“He expects things from me that I can’t give him, and vice versa.”



“What things?”



“He wants me to be romantic and sentimental and say I love you all the time.  That’s not me.  I can’t do it.”


“Yes, you can,” said Justin, holding up his sunshine pendant from around his neck.



Brian did blush then.  “Oh, yeah,” he said quietly.



Frank watched the interplay.  He sensed they wouldn’t want him to pursue the significance of the pendant, at least not until he knew them better.  “And what do you expect from Justin that he can’t give you?”



“I expect him to back off when I’m not ready to do something.  He usually won’t.”



“But you’ve known that from the beginning.  He wouldn’t leave when you told him to go.  He didn’t back off, then or now.”



Brian thought for a minute.  “You’re right.  That’s part of what was annoying and intriguing about him.  He had this absolute certainty that we were meant to be together.  He doesn’t have that anymore.”



“Are you sure?’ Frank asked.



Brian thought about it.  “That’s what happened when we broke up.  He stopped pushing, stopped making me listen, stopped challenging me to be better.  He found someone else who would be romantic and sentimental, without having to fight with him to be that way.”



“But it didn’t last,” Frank observed.



“No.  I guess easy isn’t always better.”



“So why did he come back to difficult?” Frank asked.



“I can answer that,” said Justin.  “I came back because I realized what I had lost.  I never felt anything close to what I feel with Brian.  Ethan, the person I was with, did his best, but he wasn’t Brian.  He was romantic and loving, but that didn’t challenge me the way Brian did.  I saw my mistake pretty quickly, but the damage was done.  I lost Brian’s trust.  It had taken me over a year to gain that trust, and I threw it away in a few short weeks.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get his trust back again.”



“Is that really the issue then?  Trust?” Frank asked.



They looked at each other and both nodded.



“Well, now we know what we’re dealing with!  If it took you a year to get Brian’s trust the first time, why would you think you could have it back so quickly now?  After the betrayal and the break-up, it may take much longer than before to earn that trust again.”



Justin looked horrified.  “More than a year?” he gasped.



“You’re going to have to prove your commitment, over and over again,” Frank stated clearly.  “Are you up to that?”



“I think so.  No, I know so!  I’m not giving up.  I will get Brian’s trust back.”



“That’s the Justin I know ... and love!” Brian said.



Justin smiled.



“On that cheery note, let’s stop for today,” said Frank.



They left the office and went down to the Jeep.



“Want to go for Italian?” Brian asked.



“Sure,” said Justin, getting into the car.



“I think we have a lot to talk about.”



“You do?”



“Umm Hmmh,” Brian said.



“I thought this shrink business was going to be a disaster, but I have to tell you, you made me so happy and relieved with what you said today.  We need to go to these sessions so that we say these things to each other.  We wouldn’t say them without Frank asking the right questions.”



“That’s true,” said Brian.  “I knew I liked him.  He’s very perceptive.  Did you notice how he didn’t pursue the meaning of the pendant?  He knows when to back off.”



“Yeah.  He seems to know where to push and when not to.”



“Do you know that all the things I said you wanted from me, and I couldn’t give you, I’ve given you?” Brian said.  “And the things I wanted from you, that you couldn’t give me, you have.  The one big issue seems to be trust, and we have to prove that day by day.”



“One day at a time.”



“Right.  I can do it, if you can.”



“I can.  I’m certain.”  Justin grinned.  Brian smiled back.  “So you found me intriguing, did you?” Justin asked, remembering the word Brian had used.



“I couldn’t believe that a very cute blond twink, apparently smart, 1500 SAT, artistic and creative, could be stupid enough to want to be with me, permanently.  I found that very intriguing.”



“Asshole,” said Justin.  “I wasn’t stupid.  I knew you better than you knew yourself.”



“That’s probably true.  I was playing a game that had taken me many years to develop.  I lived in the moment, rarely thought about the future or the consequences of my actions.  You changed all that.”



“For the better?” Justin asked hopefully.



“That remains to be seen, but if I had to bet on it, I’d say yes.”



Justin kissed Brian’s cheek as they arrived at the restaurant.  “I have a very special evening planned for you Mr. Kinney.  Let’s have a big dinner, because you’re going to need a lot of stamina,” Justin whispered lustfully.



Brian grinned.  These shrink visits certainly had unexpected benefits.  He hoped the restaurant service was swift, because he couldn’t wait for the special evening to get under way.

Oneupmanship  

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Gardner Vance called Brian into his office one morning.  Gardner had a grudging respect for the man, although he didn’t really like the arrogant son of a bitch.  Since Brian had forced Gardner to make him a partner, Brian had brought in millions of dollars of business.  The new company was doing very well.



Brian walked into Gardner’s office, wondering why he had been summoned to the inner sanctum of the arrogant son of a bitch.  He didn’t really like the man, but he had a grudging respect for his business acumen.  He had really expanded the old Ryder Agency.  The company was worth twice as much now as when Vance took it over.  Of course, Brian had been responsible for bringing in a large portion of the new business.  He wondered what Vance wanted.  They rarely had face to face meetings, opting instead for memos and brief phone updates.  Their mutual dislike kept them at arm’s length.



“Brian,” Gardner said, “have a seat.”



Brian sat down and waited for the purpose of this meeting to be explained.



“I guess you’re wondering what this is all about,” Gardner began.



“Taking early retirement?” Brian asked, sucking in his lips.



“No such luck,” Gardner said.  He had to chuckle.  The man was quick.



“Shall I keep guessing, or are you going to tell me?”



“The company is doing very well.  Better than I could have hoped for,” Gardner stated.



“I know,” Brian said simply.



“Fucking arrogant prick!  Thinks it’s all his doing,” Gardner thought.  Aloud he said, “I thought we should have a celebration for the new company, for your partnership, for our successes.  I’ve booked the ballroom at the Fremont for Saturday night.  I thought we’d invite the staff and as many clients as we can muster on short notice.  My secretary has been on the phone the last two days putting out invitations and making arrangements.”



“And you’re telling me this now because ...?” Brian asked, royally ticked that this had all been done without his knowledge.



“So that you can be there.  Maybe make a speech as a new partner.  Bring your significant other.”  Gardner waited for the reaction.  He had heard through the office grapevine that Brian was living with some blond teenager.  He could hardly wait to show Brian up at this party.  The kid would be out of place, and Brian would be taken down a peg or two.  Cocky bastard!



Brian was thinking.  He knew that Vance knew he was gay.  He wondered if he knew about Justin.  Probably.  But why was he specifically trying to get Justin to be at the party?  “I know he doesn’t like me, but what will that get him?” Brian thought.



“I’d be happy to speak, but I wish I had had a bit more notice.  I did have other plans for Saturday night,” he lied.  Well, not really lied.  He had planned to fuck Justin senseless, but he could do that after the party.



“But you can change them,” Gardner stated, not asking, just expecting Brian to do so.



“Sure,” Brian said.  “Asshole!” he thought.



“And your partner.  Will he be able to attend?”



“I’m not sure.  I’ll have to ask him about it.”  Brian knew Justin would attend, if he asked him.  He wanted to keep Gardner off balance.  He’d let him think that Brian might come alone.



“Good.  I’m looking forward to the party, and to meeting your partner,” he stressed.



“Riiight,” Brian said, rising.  “I better get back to work.”  He turned and left.



“Shit!” he thought.  “That son of a bitch knows how to push my buttons.”



He walked back to Cynthia’s desk.  “Did you know about a company party on Saturday?” he asked.



Cynthia looked at him.  “I’ve been hearing some rumblings, but I didn’t want to say anything until I had more concrete information,” she said.



“You’re going to need to improve your connections on the office grapevine.  I don’t like these kinds of surprises.”



“Sorry, Boss.  I’ll get on it right away.”



“Too late for this one, but don’t let it happen again.”

She nodded.  “What exactly is happening?”



“That arrogant prick has booked the ballroom at the Fremont Hotel for Saturday night.  He’s inviting staff and clients, and I’m supposed to speak.”



Cynthia gulped.  She should have known about this.  “Need some help with your speech?” she asked.



“I know what I’d like to say, but I’m not stupid enough to do that.  I’ll have to choose my words carefully.”



“Do be careful, Brian,” she said, not wanting him to jeopardize their new status.



“I know.  But I wish I knew what he is up to.”



“What do you mean?”



“He specifically asked me to bring my partner, my significant other.  He asked three times.”



“So?” Cynthia asked, confused.



“There has to be some underlying reason.  I wonder what he is playing at.  What do you think he knows about Justin?”



“Not much, I would think.  The office knows you’re with a teenager.  They have seen his mother here, the few who are still on staff.”



A light went off in Brian’s head.  “That must be it.  He thinks I’m with some inept little kid that will make me look bad in front of everyone.”



“You think?” Cynthia asked.



“It has to be.  Well, he hasn’t met Justin.”



“You show him, Boss, and I’ll get my feelers out to see if I can find out anything else.”



“Good,” Brian said, going into his office.



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When Brian arrived home at 7 pm, Justin had dinner ready, and they sat down to eat.



“I have an invitation for you,” Brian said.



“Invitation?” Justin asked.



“Vance is having a party Saturday night, and he wants you to come.”



“Me?  Why?  What sort of party?”



“A celebration for our new business venture, me as partner and him as owner.  We’ve been raking in the business since he took over.  It’s black tie, at the Fremont Hotel.  I’m supposed to speak.”



“Wow, but why me?”



“He specifically asked me to bring you.”



“How do you feel about that?”  Justin knew Brian liked to keep his private life private.  He had never gone to anything like this with Brian.



“I think he wants to find out more about me.  We don’t like each other.  I have a sneaking suspicion he thinks you’re a dumb kid who will make me look bad at the party.”



Justin’s eyes got large, and he felt hurt by that comment.  “Do you think that’s what I would do - make you look bad?”  Justin’s voice quivered just a bit.



“Absolutely not!  Vance is going to be blown away by you.”



Justin beamed.  “You mean it?  You think he’ll be impressed by me?”  Justin could barely believe Brian’s praise.



“You’re no little kid, Justin.  In fact, I often forget you’re still a teenager.  You’re my partner and my equal,” Brian said confidently.



Justin thought he would burst with pride.  He raced around the table and threw himself into Brian’s lap.  He kissed Brian with such fervor that they were soon both breathless.



“I love you.  I love you so much,” Justin vowed.



“Okay, Hoover,” he said between kisses.  He started moving his hips around on the chair.  Justin’s luscious bottom on top of his cock was having predictable results.



Justin was undoing the buttons on Brian’s shirt.



“I guess we’re done with dinner,” Brian said, pulling off Justin’s t-short.



“For now,” Justin said, undoing Brian’s pants.



They continued kissing and disrobing.  When they were both naked, Brian turned Justin around, and he leaned his hands on Brian’s chair, his bubble butt elevated in all its glory.  Brian kissed each cheek of his ass and licked the pucker.  He spit on it, and it spasmed in response.  He reached around and stuck a finger in Justin’s mouth.  Justin sucked on it, then coated it with saliva and opened his mouth.  Brian moved the finger to Justin’s hole and pressed in.  Justin hissed in response, and Brian fucked the finger in and out.  He grabbed the lube and condom from his pants and got them both ready.



As he positioned his cock at Justin’s spasming pucker, he leaned over and said, “We are going to make Vance so jealous that we have each other.  He’ll regret ever trying to get one up on either of us.”



Justin turned and kissed him.  Brian plunged in.  They rocked together, grunting and responding to each other.  Justin rotated his hips as he rocked back to meet Brian’s thrusts.  They continued their dance of joy until each thought he would explode.



“Now, Brian!”  Justin said breathlessly, and he shot all over his stomach and the chair.



Justin’s orgasm brought on Brian’s.  When he was finished coming, he carefully withdrew his penis, and turned Justin to kiss him gently, but deeply.  They clung to each other for a few minutes, as their breathing came back to normal.



“Maybe we should do this at the party,” Brian said sarcastically.  “I bet they’d all be beating off in time with us.”



“Brian,” Justin giggled, “I’m not putting on any such exhibition for anyone but you.  However, now that you mention it, I may have to go to the party naked.”



“Why?” Brian wondered.  Surely Justin didn’t think he was serious.



“I don’t have a tux,” Justin said.



“We can fix that.  I’ll take you to my tailor tomorrow.”



“Are you sure?  Maybe I shouldn’t go.”



“No way!  I want you there.  We’ll show them, together.”



“Okay, partner.”  Justin grinned, basking happily in the glow of Brian’s confidence in him.



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At work the next day Cynthia had some news for him.  “I’ve found out that Vance is planning to make a presentation to you.  His secretary told me that he has bought you a gift.”



“A gift?” Brian asked.  “What’s that about?”



“I don’t know.  Once I got her to spill about the gift, she clammed right up.  Apparently, it’s supposed to be a surprise, and she shouldn’t have mentioned it at all.  I couldn’t get her to tell me what the gift was, and I had to promise that I wouldn’t tell you about it.”



“You are so bad!  Breaking your promises,” said Brian, smiling at her.  “I’m glad you got that much out of her.  I don’t like surprises like this.  Good work!”



“Thanks.  I’ll try and find out more, but I don’t think she’s going to let anything else slip.”


“If I’m right, and Vance is trying to make me look bad at this party, then maybe I need to get a gift for him too,” Brian said, sucking in his lips.



“A gift?”  Cynthia asked.  That was the last thing she was expecting.  “Oh!  Like a cobra in a box, or a hand grenade with the plug already pulled.”



“God, you have an evil mind!”



“Thanks,” she said, chuckling.  “Isn’t that why you keep me around?”



“I intend to beat him at his own game,” Brian stated, ignoring her question.



“What does that mean?”



“I need to come up with the perfect gift for him.  Something so right and so expensive that he will have to appreciate it, even though he’ll want to throw it at me,” Brian said, thinking.



“And you call me evil!  That’s a tall order to fill,” Cynthia said.  



“Well, start thinking.  We only have three days.  Oh, and make an appointment with my tailor for today, if you can get it.  I need two new tuxes.”



“Two?  So Justin’s going?”



Brian sucked in his lips and nodded.



“You two are going to be so stunning that Vance will have to eat crow.  He has no idea who he’s up against, does he?”  Cynthia smirked.



Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek, and grinned.



“God, I’m glad I’m on your side,” Cynthia said.



“By the way, get yourself a dazzling new gown, on me.  I want you to be a standout too,” Brian said.



“Thanks, Boss.  I’ll get right on that!”



“Wait till lunch.  Get some of the other stuff done first.”



Cynthia grinned and nodded.



Brian walked into his office.  He had a lot to do and a lot to think about before Saturday.



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Cynthia got him an appointment with his tailor for 6 pm.  He called Justin and arranged to pick him up, so they could go to the tailor’s together.  At six, they arrived at Charles Henderson - Fine Clothing and Tailoring.  Justin had never been to a tailor, so this was a new experience.  He was a little nervous, but he knew Brian wanted him to look special for the party.



“Evening, Charles,” Brian said, as the tailor let them in and locked the door behind them.  “Thanks for staying late.  This is kind of a rush order for a very important party.”



“No problem, Mr. Kinney,” Charles said.



“This is Justin Taylor, Charles.  The other tux is for him.”



“Mr. Taylor.”  Charles shook his hand.  “Let’s try on some tuxes and see what looks good, shall we?  The change rooms are over here.  I’ll pick out some samples and bring them to you.”



Justin looked at Brian and gave him a nervous grin.  Brian nodded encouragement, and Justin headed for the change room.



“Would you like to see the new Armani, Mr. Kinney?” he asked.



Brian tried on the Armani which looked great on him.  Charles still wanted to make a few nips and tucks so that it would be perfect.



Justin tried on several tuxedos, but both Brian and Charles thought the Ralph Lauren looked best on him.  Charles took a few tucks and made some marks to alter the suit for an exact fit.  Justin’s bubble butt presented the biggest problem in the very tailored tux.  Charles wanted to make sure the trousers hung just right.  He was an expert tailor, and Brian knew he would make it look wonderful on Justin.



Charles promised to have the tuxes ready for Friday, so they could try them on again and make sure they were absolutely perfect.



When they left, Brian picked up Thai take-out and they went back to the loft.



“You’ll look great in that tux,” Brian said to Justin, as they ate.  “We’ll get you shoes tomorrow.  Did you like the shirt Charles had you wear with the tux?”



“Yeah, it was great.  Thanks, Brian.  This is going to cost a fortune.  I just rented the tux when I went to the prom.”



They both looked at each other, remembering things they wished they could forget.



“Don’t worry about it.  We’re both going to look sensational!  Now, if I could just think of the perfect gift for Vance,” Brian said.



“Gift?  For Vance?  Why?”



“I told you he has some kind of agenda to put me in my place.  Cynthia found out that he’s presenting me with some gift at this party.   I intend to beat him at his own game, so I need an even better gift to give him,” Brian said.



“What’s he giving you?” Justin asked.



“I don’t know.  Cynthia couldn’t pry that out of his secretary.”



“Then how are you going to top it, if you don’t know what it is?”



“Hmm,” Brian said.  “I want it to be unique, one of a kind.  Something that people will be impressed with.  Something that he’ll have to look at, and know that I gave it to him.”



“That’s a tall order,” Justin said.



“That’s what Cynthia said.  Got any ideas?”



“Well, artwork could be impressive,” Justin volunteered.



“That’s true.  A sculpture, maybe.  Or a portrait.  That’s it!  Justin, could you do one of your sketches, of Vance, by Saturday?”



“I guess so, but don’t you want someone famous?  To make a big splash?”



“No.  Think about it.  If you do one of your great sketches, what a slap in the face for him, when he has to accept it, especially after thinking you are some dumb kid.  I’ll suggest he put it up in his office.  He’ll have to look at it every day.  He’ll know that you are a brilliant artist, not a silly teenager.  We will have beat him at his own game.  Perfect revenge!!” said Brian.



Justin wasn’t so sure.  “Do you think that’s a good idea?”



“I don’t care if it’s a good idea.  I think it’s a great idea.  I love it!’



“All right,” Justin conceded.  “Do you have a picture of him I can work from?”



“Didn’t I save the newspaper article about the takeover of the Ryder Agency?  It had a picture of Vance in it.”



“Yeah, it’s in the desk.”  Justin went over to the desk and found the file folder with the story.  It wasn’t a great picture.  “It would be better if I could see him in person too,” Justin said.



“You could come to work with me tomorrow, and we’ll stake out his parking space,” Brian plotted.



“Sounds like espionage,” Justin said.



“Yes, 007.  We can make this work.”



“Okay,” said Justin, still having doubts.



“Want your reward now, little boy?” Brian asked suggestively.



“What did you have in mind, old man?”



“Come to bed, and I’ll show you,” he promised.



And he did, several times that night.



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The next morning Brian drove them to work, parking behind a post which gave them a view of Vance’s parking space.  While they waited, they did a little tongue wrestling and cock rubbing.  Suddenly they heard a car and pulled apart.  Vance got out of his car and looked around.  Justin got a good look at him before he opened the trunk and took out his briefcase.  He then walked away from them towards the elevator.



“Did you get a good look?” Brian asked.



“Good enough.  He’s not much to look at.”



Brian snorted.  “I know, but make him look as good as you can.”



“I’m an artist, not a miracle worker,” Justin giggled.



Brian kissed him.  “This is going to be the best party!” he crowed.  “I can hardly wait.”



“You are so bad!” Justin said, kissing him back.



“Take the Jeep, and pick me up at six in front of the building.  We’ll get you some shoes for the party.  Good luck with the portrait,” Brian said, getting out of the Jeep.



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The next two days were spent getting ready for the party.  They had the next fitting of their tuxes.  They looked fabulous according to Brian.  Justin’s sketch looked unbelievable.  He had managed to make Vance look authoritative and powerful, but also somewhat attractive.  Brian was very impressed.  Justin was pleased.  He wanted to make this perfect for Brian.  This was the first time Brian had ever asked him to do anything like this, and he didn’t want to let him down.



Cynthia had been unable to find out what Vance’s gift was, but she had learned that Vance would speak first at the party, introducing Brian as partner.  That would probably be when he would present the gift.  Then Brian would respond, saying some nice things about the firm and about Vance.  He could then present his gift to Vance.  Brian thought that would work well, because Justin’s portrait would be sure to top whatever Vance gave him.



Brian smiled.  He loved intrigue, when he was on top of it, and when he was sure he was going to win.



“Did you get a dress?” Brian asked Cynthia.



“A humdinger!” she replied.



“I bet I’ll be paying through the nose for that,” Brian groaned.



“You got it!  Looking sensational ain’t cheap!” Cynthia said, leaving his office.



“She’s worth every penny,” Brian thought, so glad to have Cynthia as his right hand man.  He chuckled.



Saturday couldn’t come soon enough.



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Brian and Justin dressed for the party.  They had had a little pre-party sex in the shower.  Brian was so pleased with Justin’s portrait.  Justin had got it framed at the Institute, and it looked spectacular.  Justin, himself, looked pretty spectacular in his new tux.  It fit him perfectly.  Brian wanted to rip it off him, as soon as he saw him in it.  Justin had to fight him off, saying he would spoil their plan and make them late if he didn’t stop.



“Later,” he promised, as he kissed Brian.



“Later, and count on it!” Brian vowed.  It was going to be a long evening for his cock.



Brian looked phenomenal in his new tux.  It skimmed his lithe body like a second skin.  Justin straightened his bowtie for him, and pronounced him perfect.  They picked up the portrait and got ready to leave.



“Hurry up,” Justin said.  “It’s 8:30 already.”



“I’m always fashionably late,” Brian stated.



“Come on!”  Justin dragged him out of the loft.



It was almost nine when they arrived.  They had found the ballroom manager and asked him to quietly place the portrait behind the podium for later.



As they approached the entrance to the ballroom, Brian asked, “Ready?”



“Ready,” Justin stated, squeezing Brian’s hand.



They each took a deep breath and stepped through the doorway.  Heads turned immediately, and conversations were broken off.



“Just like Babylon,” Brian whispered.



Justin smiled, and they started across the room.  Eyes followed them.  They looked unbelievably wonderful together.  Brian had seen Cynthia.  She looked fabulous in a golden creation, and Brian headed for her, Justin by his side.



“Money well spent,” Brian said, giving her the once over.  “You look great!”



“Thanks,” she said, and Brian thought he saw a blush.  He kissed her on the cheek, and she did blush.



“You guys look terrific!” she said, regaining her composure.



“Thanks.  Cynthia, this is Justin.  I don’t think you’ve met in person, just on the phone.”



“Justin,” she said, putting her hand out to shake his.  “It’s good to finally meet you.”



“You look lovely,” he said.



“He’s definitely a keeper,” she said to Brian.



He rolled his eyes, and said, “Yeah.”



Conversations had begun again since their trip across the ballroom floor.  “Probably about us,” Brian thought with a smirk.  He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned.  It was Gardner Vance.



“Evening, Gardner,” he said.



“Brian,” Gardner replied, shaking his hand.  “Are you going to introduce me?” he asked, looking at Justin.  This kid was gorgeous, but looked about fourteen.  “This is going to be so easy,” he thought.  “Lamb to the slaughter!”



“Gardner, this is Justin Taylor.”



“Justin,” Gardner said, shaking his hand.  “Nice to meet you, finally.”



“A pleasure,” Justin said suavely.  “It looks like the party’s going well.  Thanks for inviting me.”



“Right,” said Gardner, not expecting such a polished response.



“What do you do, Justin?”



“I’m a student at PIFA.”



“PIFA?” Gardner asked.



“Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Art,” Cynthia clarified.



“Oh,” Gardner said.  He thought the kid would have still been in high school.  This wasn’t going quite the way he had intended.  “Why don’t you two get a drink, and in a few minutes we’ll do the speeches.  I better mingle,” he said, moving away.



Cynthia chuckled.  “That was perfect, Justin.  Took the wind right out of his sails.”  She patted Justin’s arm.



“Thanks,” he said, “I’m nervous as Hell.”



“Nobody would ever know it,” she assured him.



They each got a drink, Brian a martini and Justin a coke, thinking he wanted to keep his wits about him.  Brian introduced Justin to some of the people he worked with, including one of his assistants, Kevin, who had inadvertently given him the song, “You Are My Sunshine”.



Justin more than held his own with each of them.  Once again Brian marveled at how easily Justin talked to people.  He seemed to be able to fit into any group.  It had taken Brian years of practice to do what Justin did so effortlessly.



They heard someone blowing into the microphone, and turned to see Vance getting ready to speak to the assembled throng.  Brian and Justin moved closer.  Brian felt Cynthia come up beside him.



Vance proceeded to thank them all for coming.  He hoped they were enjoying the evening.  He talked about the new firm, and its early successes.  He toasted all the employees and their hard work.  They applauded him in return.  He then turned toward Brian, and called him over, saying that Brian was now a partner and had had a lot to do with the firm getting off to such a rousing start.



Brian smiled, and looked suitably modest.  Justin couldn’t help but smile.  Brian was the least modest person he had ever met.



Vance was saying, “Brian, I wanted to present you with a little gift in appreciation of your hard work in getting this enterprise off to such a good beginning.”  He pulled a small box out of his pocket and handed it to Brian.



Brian lifted the lid and saw a gold cigarette case and lighter, each with his initials engraved on it.  He held it up for everyone to see, and stepped to the microphone.



“Thank you, Gardner,” he began.  “For those of you at the back.  It’s a gold cigarette case and lighter.”  There was some applause.  “I’m surprised that you’re contributing to my vices, Gardner,” Brian added.  There was laughter, and Gardner looked annoyed.



“I am very pleased to be a partner in Vangard, and I’m grateful for the praise Gardner has heaped on me tonight.  However, he must take the majority of the credit.  When he bought the Ryder Agency, I was very surprised.  The changes he has made were quite drastic, but no one can argue with the results.”



There was applause.  Gardner looked pleased.



“I am sure he will continue to work hard to improve the agency to the benefit of us all.  I did get wind that he was giving me a gift tonight, so I thought it would be only right to reciprocate.  So, Gardner, if you will come back up here.”  He waited as Gardner came back up on the podium step.  “I’d like Justin Taylor to join us,” Brian said.  Justin started toward the podium.  Gardner looked confused, but stood waiting.  Justin went behind the podium and picked up a frame.  Only the back was visible.



“Gardner, I thought you might like this to decorate your office,” Brian said, smiling ingratiatingly.  He was enjoying this so much.  “Justin drew this for you.”



Justin turned the portrait around and held it up between himself and Gardner.  There were gasps, and then genuine applause.  Gardner didn’t know whether to be thrilled or pissed.  The portrait was very impressive.  He looked great in it, but here was this kid, who was supposed to be the butt of ridicule, stealing the moment.  He was obviously very talented.



Gardner took hold of the portrait.  He stepped up to the microphone.  “This is certainly an unexpected surprise,” he said.  “I didn’t know I was getting anything, let alone such a wonderful portrait.  Thank you, Brian, and Justin.”



He shook their hands, then leaned in to Justin and whispered, “Please say a few words.”  Justin shook his head, but Gardner stepped back to the microphone, and said, “Let’s hear from the artist.”



Amidst applause, Gardner pushed Justin forward.



Justin didn’t know what to say.  He didn’t want to say anything, but he knew Brian was counting on him.



He cleared his throat.  He could feel Gardner smirking behind him.  “It was my pleasure to do the portrait, Mr. Vance.  You were quite a challenging subject.”  There were scattered laughs at that.  Justin risked a look at Brian, who smiled encouragement.  “I hope you enjoy the portrait, and find it worthy of being mounted on the wall of your office.”



Justin stepped back, and Gardner said into the mike, “Thanks.  Enjoy the rest of the evening, everyone.”  He turned around.  “Brian, Justin, thank you,” he said curtly, and then he and the portrait were gone.



Brian touched Justin’s sleeve.  “You were great,” he said.  “I couldn’t have done better myself.  Now he’ll have to put it up in his office.  The clients will all want a closer look.  I’m going to give you such a reward tonight!”  He wanted to rip off Justin’s tux and ravish him there in front of everybody.  His cock was so hard it hurt.  He thought he would explode with love and need for Justin.  He kept his back to the audience not wanting everyone to see his need.



Cynthia stepped up beside him.  She glanced at Brian, and the look on his face made her glance at his crotch.  She hoped he didn’t notice.  She didn’t want to embarrass him.  “I’m going to get a drink,” she said.  “Do you want me to get you anything?”  She saw Brian take a couple of deep breaths.



“No thanks,” he managed to say.



“That was some performance, you two,” she said, thinking he might need a little more time to compose himself.



“I bet Vance is pissed at me,” Justin said.



“I think that’s a given,” she said.  “It was a wonderful likeness of him.  Better than he looks most days.”



“Justin’s brilliant at faces,” Brian said, getting control of himself.



“I’ll say.  I guess I’ll get that drink now,” she said.



“Thanks,” Brian said, genuinely grateful.



“Any time.”  She winked and walked away.



As soon as she left, Justin was surrounded by people congratulating him on his brilliant piece of work.  Brian moved over to the bar and got another martini.  He talked to a few clients and some co-workers.  All congratulated him on being partner, and on the gifts, the one he received and especially the one he gave.  He also heard many compliments about having such a handsome and talented partner.



After a few minutes Justin found him.



“Can we go now?” Justin asked.



“Sure,” said Brian, glad to be getting out of there.



“I want you so bad I don’t think I can wait till we get home,” Justin whispered.



“We don’t have to wait.  This is a hotel, you know,” Brian said.



As quickly as they could, they made their way out of the ballroom.  Thankfully they didn’t run into Vance who must have been around somewhere.  They went to the front desk and got a room.  In the elevator they couldn’t keep their hands or their lips off each other.  They barely got the door closed when Justin was down on his knees blowing Brian.  He had known how much trouble Brian was in after the presentation, and he wanted to give him relief as soon as possible.



They fucked and sucked for most of the night.



Brian’s theory was that they might as well get their money’s worth out of the room, so they used every piece of furniture and all the fixtures in the bathroom to fuck on, or over, or up against.  It was a perfect ending to a most successful evening.



“How did I ever doubt that we belonged together?” Brian wondered.  Justin was truly his equal, if not his superior, in every way.  “How did I get so lucky to find you, My Only Sunshine?” he whispered to Justin, after one of their many fucks.



“You never know what you might pick up on Liberty Avenue,” Justin said, kissing him.



“I love you,” Brian said, and kissed him back.  All doubts were pushed aside, at least for now.

Nightmare to Dream  

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Brian and Justin’s visits with Dr. Frank Jamison continued to probe their relationship.  Frank had begun to realize that the two men were a very special pair.  They were very intelligent and a strikingly handsome couple.  They seemed to have an indefinable connection that completed each other.  He wondered how they had survived when they broke up.  It couldn’t have been easy for either of them.  If they remembered how being apart had affected them, and he suspected it was torture for each of them, then perhaps they would realize just how much they needed to renew their trust and stay together.



For weeks now Justin had had no nightmares, and he was very thankful for that.  The nightmare which was always the same had been very disturbing.  It had, however, led them to Dr. Jamison.  He had been able to draw things out of Brian that Justin never thought he would hear.  He had been afraid that Brian, and Frank, would lay all the blame on him.  He didn’t want to hear that he was too young, too fickle, too unsure of his feelings, but that hadn’t happened.  Brian had accepted his share of the responsibility for the break-up.  He had said he loved, needed and didn’t want to lose Justin.  That was huge!  Brian had said those things, albeit reluctantly, to Justin, but to declare them in front of someone else!  Justin’s heart had been so full.



Brian couldn’t say he enjoyed these sessions with Frank.  Some of the stuff they got into was pretty difficult for him to talk about, but he was willing to do it if it meant he and Justin stayed together.  He had begun to realize just how important Justin was to him.  It wasn’t just sex, although that was amazing as always.  It was having an intellectual equal to be with, to experience things with, to share with and to plan a future with.  Brian realized that Justin brought out the best in him.  He felt better and more worthwhile when he was with this special young man.



They still had a reluctance to talk on their own.  With Frank as mediator they were able to get at the heart of their problems.  They discussed things they were too frightened to bring up by themselves.



Following the party they attended a session with Frank.  Both of them were still very upbeat from the success of the party.  Frank noticed this immediately.



“It looks like you two must have had a great weekend,” Frank said.



“Fabulous!” Brian stated.



“It was pretty great,” Justin added.



“Want to tell me about it?” Frank asked.



Justin looked at Brian who shrugged.



“We went to a party for Brian’s work.  He bought me a new tuxedo for it, and we both looked great!  Brian asked me to draw a portrait of his boss, and we presented it to him at the party.  It was a big hit.”



“I guess that made you feel very special, Justin.”



“It did. Also that Brian trusted me to do the portrait, and that I spoke at the presentation.”



“A very big weekend for you!” Frank agreed.



Justin smiled and nodded.



“How about you, Brian?”



“My boss is an asshole.  We don’t like each other, but we’ve learned to tolerate each other for the good of the company.  For some reason he decided to try and put me in my place at this party.  We topped him every time.”



“We?” Frank asked.



“I couldn’t have done it without Justin’s help.”



“Oh?”



“My boss thought I was living with some teenaged dummy, and he invited Justin to the party to make me look bad, but his plan backfired.  We showed him!” Brian said, smirking.



“So you worked together on this?” Frank asked.



“We did,” said Brian.  “I was very proud of Justin.”



Justin beamed his sunshine smile.



“Did it feel like a true and equal partnership?”



“Definitely,” Brian stated.



“Did you trust each other?”



They both nodded.



“Do you feel like the trust is returning to your relationship?”



“Yes,” they both said.



“That’s good.  Could you have carried this off without Justin, Brian?”



“I doubt it.”



“And Justin, could you have enjoyed all of this success without Brian?”



Justin shook his head.  “It would never have happened without Brian, and I wouldn’t have had the confidence to carry it off without him.”



Frank nodded.  “Do you two hear what you have been telling me?  How much you need each other.  How much you depend on each other.  I think you have demonstrated the importance of each one of you to the other.”



“I agree,” said Brian.  “So what does that mean?”



“That you don’t need me so much,” Frank said.



“You kickin’ us out of the nest, Frank?” Brian asked.



“You could call it that.”



“I’m not sure we’re ready to end these sessions totally,” Brian added.



“I didn’t mean completely end them, but I think we can cut back to once a month or less, and we’ll see how it goes.  If something happens, we can always fit in a session.”



“That sounds good, but there is one wrinkle,” Brian admitted.



“What’s that?” Frank asked.



“We came here because Justin had nightmares when I left him for a business trip.  I have a trip to Chicago scheduled for Wednesday.  I haven’t told Justin yet, because I just found out that I had to go this morning.  This will be a big test of how far we’ve come.”



“Agreed.  Knowing that, I think you should come in next Monday, and we’ll talk about how each of you handles the separation.  Do you think you’ll be all right, Justin?”



“I hope so.  I feel differently about our relationship now than I did when I had the nightmares.”



“That’s good.  I think you’ll be fine.  Both of you.”



As they left Frank’s office, Brian heard the little whisper of doubt in his head.  He hadn’t heard the little voice for quite a while.  “I hope this isn’t a mistake leaving him,” Brian thought.



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Wednesday morning came too quickly.  They had gotten quite a bit of exercise the night before.  Brian tried to reassure Justin that everything would be all right, even though he was worried about leaving him alone.  When the alarm woke them, Justin was sprawled across Brian’s chest.



“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Justin said, not moving.



“We still have lots of time.  My flight isn’t until ten.  Let’s shower,” Brian said.



They stood in the shower holding on to each other.  That was enough at first, but the close contact soon had expected results.  Soft kisses under the warm water turned to dueling tongues and swollen lips.  Gentle caresses turned to exquisite friction and rubbing on intimate parts.  Brian used soapy fingers to open Justin’s hole.  He loved every part of the young man, physical, mental and emotional.  This spot was where they joined together as one.  Brian kissed Justin’s neck and back.  His worries about leaving had turned to intense desire.  Brian wanted to fill Justin, to surround him and protect him.  He gently pushed Justin against the glass of the shower and entered him.



He pressed his body tight against Justin, arms wrapped around the boy’s chest, mouth against his ear, cock impaled in the body he knew so well.  This was the only place he really wanted to be.  He felt tears well up in his eyes.  Never having been loved, he had rarely felt safe and wanted, but this met both those needs.  This was his haven of safety, of gentleness, of love.



“Brian,” Justin said, “are you all right?”



“Sorry,” said Brian, “I was thinking and ... feeling so much.”



He continued to hold on tight, not moving inside Justin.



“I love you,” said Justin, feeling the need to start moving.



Brian began a slow rhythmic in and out.  They both gasped at the delicious friction.  As their orgasms built, they moved faster, pounding against each other.  Justin felt Brian grab his cock and pump up and down in rhythm with his thrusts.



Justin arched back and shouted, “Aaahhhh!”



The muscles of his anus contracted with his orgasm, and Brian too was coming.  They leaned against the glass of the shower until the world stopped spinning.



As Brian disposed of the condom, Justin whispered,” I’ll miss you.”



“Just be all right while I’m gone. Okay?” Brian asked.



“I’ll try.  I think I’ll be okay.”



They finally managed to get dressed and Justin drove them to the airport.



“I’ll call you at ten,” Brian said, getting out of the car.



“Bye,” said Justin rather wistfully.



Brian walked around the car, leaned in the window and gave Justin a kiss to last him till Brian returned.



“I’ll be bock,” he said in his best Arnold Swartzenegger voice.



Justin had to laugh.  “You better be,” he said.



“Bye, Sunshine.”



Justin drove away in the Jeep.  “It’ll be all right,” he said to himself.  “It has to be.”



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Brian called promptly at ten.



“How are you?” he asked first thing.



“Quit worrying,” Justin responded.  “I’m fine.  Besides I haven’t been asleep yet.”



“Are you expecting the nightmare?”



“I hope not, but I can’t help wondering what will happen when I do fall asleep.”



“Want a little exercise to tire you out?” Brian asked.



“What do you propose?” Justin asked, smiling.



“Me, propose.  Never.”



“You know what I mean.”



“Okay, Hoover!” Brian said.



Justin groaned.



“Don’t you like that name?”



“Not particularly.”



“But it conjures up some intriguing images.”



“Like what?”



“You attached to the end of my dick, and no amount of pulling or wagging can shake you loose.”



“Um, interesting.  You always taste so good.  What else?”



“You attached to my balls, sucking and rolling them around in your mouth.”



“Even better.  Anything else?”



“You attached to my nipple, sucking it until it stands up hard and aching.”



“I’m getting hard just listening to you.  You should write these down for posterity.  Generations from now people will probably Hoover each other in memory of your images.”



Brian chuckled.  “I saved the best till last.”



“What’s that?”



“Your mouth attached to mine, sucking on my lips, our tongues exploring each other’s mouths, breath and saliva intermingled.”



“God, Brian, that is so erotic.  My dick wishes you were here, but I guess my hand will have to do.”



“Naughty Hoover!  Wait for me.”



They both worked faster on their cocks, coming in a rush of need, desire and longing.  They lay back, gasping for breath when they were through.



“Feels so good,” Justin sighed in relief.



“Good night, Hoover.  Sleep well,” Brian whispered.



“See you tomorrow night.”  Justin cut the connection.  He was deliciously tired and ready to sleep.  Perchance to dream?  He hoped not.



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Justin opened the door to the loft.  He stepped inside looking around for Brian.  Something didn’t feel right.  He called out, “Brian!”



There was no answer.  His anxiety increased and his breaths came faster and more shallow.  He turned back toward the door.  His breath caught in his throat.  A figure loomed in the doorway.  His heart started to pound and he couldn’t get a breath.  He backed away as the figure stepped forward.



“No,” he whimpered.  “No, please.”



“Justin,” the figure said.



Justin looked up expecting to see Chris Hobbs and the baseball bat.  He looked into hazel eyes filled with concern.



“Brian,” he gasped, and Brian opened his arms and drew him close, hugging him into a warm, safe embrace.



“I’m here,” he said.  “Don’t be afraid.”



“I’m not afraid, now that you’re here.”



Justin’s breathing slowed to normal, as he remained wrapped in the safety of Brian’s arms.



In his sleep Justin rolled over and settled into a new position.  He did not wake from this dream.  There was no need, because Brian was there and he was safe.



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The next morning when Justin awoke, he reached over for Brian, but found the bed empty.  Momentary panic gave way to the realization that Brian was still in Chicago.  He had been sure that Brian was there protecting him.  Brian had been there in the dream.  He remembered it all now.  It had been Brian, not Chris Hobbs.  Brian had been there for him, there to keep the memory of Chris Hobbs away, there to keep him safe.  It wasn’t a nightmare, merely a dream. He could depend on Brian.  He had been there for him when he needed him, like he was sure he would be from now on.  He smiled.



At 6 pm he picked up Brian at the airport.  Justin ‘Hoovered’ him mercilessly when he saw him.  The other passengers got quite a show, as Justin attached himself to Brian’s mouth and refused to let go.



“Just like my image from last night,” Brian chuckled, when Justin finally let him up for air.



“Let’s go home,” Justin said.  “I have something to tell you.”



“What?” Brian wanted to know, but Justin dragged him out of the airport, refusing to say anything more until they got home.



Justin had prepared a special dinner for them.  They sat down to salad just after they got home.



“Are you going to tell me your secret or not?”  Brian was getting slightly exasperated.



“It’s not a secret,” Justin said coyly.



“So, tell me!”



“’Kay,” said Justin.  “I had a dream last night.”



“The nightmare?” Brian asked, looking worried.



“I said dream, not nightmare.  It was almost the same one, but with a new wrinkle.”



“What do you mean?”



“In the dream when I turned toward the door, it wasn’t Chris Hobbs ready to clobber me, it was you.  You were there.  You hugged me.  I wasn’t scared and I didn’t even wake up.”



“So the dream has changed for the better.”  Brian was pleased.  “What do you think that means?”



“I don’t know for sure, but I think it means that I can depend on you.  That I don’t have to worry about Chris Hobbs anymore, or worry about anyone hurting me, or about you abandoning me when I need you.”



“Wow.  That’s a lot of meaning for one dream.  Maybe we shouldn’t jump to conclusions.  We can talk to Frank on Monday and see what he thinks about it.”



Justin looked crestfallen.  He had hoped Brian would be as happy as he was with this new ending to the dream.  Brian sounded wary, like it was too good to be true.



“I didn’t mean to bring you down,” he said, seeing the look of disappointment on Justin’s face.  “I just think we should be careful about reading too much into one dream.  At least it was a happy outcome, and you didn’t have to call Emmett,” Brian added, remembering the last nightmare.



He could tell Justin wasn’t very happy with him.  “He must have expected me to tell him everything would be fantastic from now on.  How can I do that, when I know we will still have tough times?  I must be getting old, when I no longer have the exuberance of youth,” he thought.  Then he cringed at this admission, even to himself.



“Good salad,” he said to break the tension.



“Thanks,” said Justin, still disappointed in Brian’s reaction.



They finished their salads in silence.



Justin had made lasagna for the main course.  They could just get it in under Brian’s rule of no carbs after eight.



It was delicious, and Brian made sure to compliment Justin, hoping to cheer him up.  Nothing seemed to do much good.  When they finished the lasagna, Brian suggested they go to Woody’s and maybe Babylon.  Justin was rather reluctant, but finally agreed.



They found Ted and Emmett at Woody’s, and joined them for a drink.  Justin told Emmett about the dream, and of course, Emmett was thrilled for him.  Justin perked up after that, having someone to agree with him and support his idea that everything would be fine from now on.



Brian asked Ted how the porn site was going, hoping to direct the conversation away from the dream and Justin’s interpretation of it.



“Raking it in,” Ted said, “but it’s long hours and not much thanks for all my hard work.”



“I’ll be sure to send you an e-mail thanking you for providing such a vital service,” Brian said, sticking his tongue in his cheek.



“Un hunh,” Ted responded, knowing Brian was being his usual sarcastic asshole self.



“We’re heading to Babylon,” Brian said, standing up.



“We’ll join you,” Emmett volunteered.



Babylon was pretty dull for a Thursday night.  Brian and Justin danced a bit, had a few drinks, and left before too long.



When they arrived back at the loft, Brian knew Justin still wasn’t too happy with him.  He thought he better bite the bullet and talk about it.



“Look, Justin, I know I disappointed you with my reaction to your dream.”



“You were just being honest,” Justin conceded, still looking unhappy.



“I was and I am.  I hope you’re right and the dream means you’ve turned some kind of corner.  That you trust me.”



“But ...” Justin could hear the ‘but’ in Brian’s voice.



“But that doesn’t mean that we will have no more problems.  It may indicate that we trust each other more, but I don’t think all those issues are fully dealt with either.”



Justin looked crushed, especially after Brian’s last statement.



“I don’t want to talk about this any more,” Justin said.



“Neither do I.  Maybe Frank will be able to help us.”



Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and pulled him up into a kiss.  The boy didn’t show much enthusiasm at first, but a few Brian kisses and strategic caresses, and they were both starting to pant.  Brian began removing articles of clothing from Justin’s body, and soon he was naked, his cock ready for action.  Brian backed him up against the sofa and knelt down.  He looked up into Justin’s face to tell him without words that he loved him and needed him.  Justin bent over and kissed his lover, gently, then more deeply, then passionately.  Brian’s hand encircled Justin’s cock and began working it.  Justin moaned through his kisses.  Brian pulled away and took Justin’s pulsing rod into his mouth.  He treated it with reverence at first, gentle kisses, licks and sucks until Justin was barely able to breathe, and his hips pushed the cock deeper into Brian’s mouth.  Brian’s well trained lips and mouth and tongue soon had Justin coming.  Brian took it all, waiting for the orgasm to subside, and then sucking the last drops.  He stood up, holding on to the boy who sagged against the couch, eyes closed.



“Feel better now?” he asked softly.



“Um hmm,” was all Justin could reply.  He always felt great after Brian did anything sexual with him.  He was sure there was no better lover in the universe than Brian Kinney.



Brian gently pulled Justin up to the bedroom and removed his own clothing.  They had much more to do before either of them slept.



ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss



Monday afternoon they attended their appointment with Dr. Frank.  Frank knew something was wrong as soon as they walked in.  There was a kind of distance or disconnection between them.  He didn’t like it.



“So what happened?” he asked.



Justin told him about the nightmare with the new ending, and how happy he was that he had got through Brian’s absence so well.  Brian didn’t say anything during this.



“Sounds like you’ve turned a corner, Justin,” Frank said.



Justin looked triumphantly at Brian who looked away.



“You don’t feel so great about this?” Frank asked, looking at Brian.



“I think it’s great.  I don’t want Justin to have any more nightmares, but I don’t think it means all of our problems are over.”



“I didn’t hear Justin say that.”



“You didn’t get the full explanation that I got when I returned from Chicago.”



“Oh?  What else?”



“Look, Frank, I want everything to be fine.  I just want to be realistic too.  I’m not your rose-colored glasses type of guy.”



Frank had to chuckle.  “I doubt if you get accused of being that very often.”



Brian rolled his eyes.



“Where does this leave us?” Frank asked.  “I’d say that this was a very significant event.  Justin’s subconscious has obviously come to terms with some issues.  That allowed him to create a new ending for the dream.  He must be more secure about his feelings and about his relationship with you, Brian, or his subconscious wouldn’t have allowed him to do this.”



Justin looked pleased by this statement.



Brian looked worried.  “So the problem then is me,” he said.



“I would have to say that you are right about that, but maybe problem is too strong a word.  You are still trying to rebuild your trust in Justin.  Right?”



Brian nodded.



“You aren’t there yet.  From what you’ve both told me, your ability to trust anyone in this type of a relationship was zero before you met Justin?  You two spent a long time learning to trust each other, and a short time destroying that trust.  You’re both going to have to continue building trust and demonstrating to each other that you can be trusted.  Brian, you shouldn’t feel wary that Justin seems to have gotten there first.  And Justin, you shouldn’t feel hurt that Brian isn’t there yet.  It will come for both of you if you work at it and really want it.  The dream and the successes you had at the party all point out that you are headed in the right direction.”



Both men looked relieved at Frank’s analysis.  He seemed to have a way of getting at the heart of a sticky matter, and making them both feel better as a result.



They ended the session on that note, and didn’t book another one for a month.  In the Jeep on the way to the loft Justin said, “I’m sorry I tried to make everything more than it was.  I was happy and I wanted you to be too.”



“Justin, I am happy.  I’m glad you’re here with me, and I’m not going to change my mind or my heart about that.”



Justin smiled at his words.



“We just need to be a little careful.  If we get too complacent, things could start to fall apart again,” Brian added.



“We won’t let them,” Justin said with conviction.



“Right,” Brian said, trying to sound just as positive.  He meant it too, if only that nagging little voice could be convinced.