Gus stared out the window, not sure if he had done the right thing. It was just hard to know what the right thing was. He understood why Justin couldn’t stay, but even as angry as he was with his father, he knew the man would be devastated when he came home to find out Justin had left with Cameron. Gus was only staying long enough for his dad to come home. After that he planned to go stay with Justin, and he hoped his dad got his shit together. 

GUS

Mama would have a field day with this if she knew, but this wasn’t something she needed to use on my dad. She always believed Dad would eventually fuck up with Justin. Apparently everyone jokingly placed bets on their relationship. It's not something Justin appreciated, and he chose to ignore it every time the gang got together. 

What made Dad take off with Michael, instead of being here for Cameron's third birthday? It's really not something I can answer and still respect my dad. Up till now Justin has dealt with the bullshit that comes with my dad and Michael being friends. The one thing Justin wouldn’t put up with was anything affecting my little brother or me.

A car pulled in the driveway and I started to wonder why I bothered explaining anything to my dad. He and Michael were laughing as they drunkenly stumbled to the door. Realizing  Dad wasn’t going to give a shit about anything, I grabbed my bags and went down the stairs, planning to go straight to my car. I didn’t care about his feelings when it was obvious that missing Cameron's birthday didn’t matter. He knew bringing Michael to our house would only piss Justin off.

Brian smiled as he saw Gus walking down the stairs. “Sonny Boy, where are you going?” 

Gus didn’t answer, just continued on to the garage. He threw his bag into the Jeep his dad had given him for his sixteenth birthday. Gus loved it, until he figured out his dad had bought it as a way to piss off his moms. Justin, as usual had to smooth things over. His mother told Gus they only agreed to let him live with his father because they trusted Justin to take care of him.

For the first two years, living with his dad and Justin was everything he wanted. Gus knew when it changed. It was the day Ben died. At first everyone understood his dad staying and helping Michael while he fell apart, but after a year of constant partying and nights of not coming home, neither he nor Justin were able to make any more excuses. It's not like Michael needed his dad there all the time. Then, when Justin called to ask if Dad  was coming home, it started a fight. Gus was surprised Justin hadn’t left when he was accused by Brian of being a selfish shit for not understanding that Michael needed his best friend. Gus didn’t understand it either. How did his Dad expect Justin to, when it didn’t make any sense to him.

“Sonny Boy, where are Justin and Cameron?” Dad asked.

“Why not call him, I'm sure he'd love to hear from you. Of course he's probably not very likely to listen right now.” I tell him. 

“I told him Michael wanted to get away for a while. It's not like he didn’t know how to call me.” He tells me. 

“He tried to call, but apparently your trick at the White Party said you were too busy getting your dick sucked to wish Cameron a happy birthday. At that point, Justin decided to take his selfish ass and file for divorce.” I tell him, noting that he seemed surprised. “I guess Michael was more important than even your kids. Don't worry though, Justin made sure to buy me a birthday present when you missed mine too. I guess you really are becoming your father.” I added, because I was pissed and wanted to hurt him. I backed up, leaving him standing there for once, not liking my father much.

_________________

Brian pulled out his phone, dialing Justin’s number, only to hear it was disconnected. He then called his mother-in-law to ask her for Justin’s number, only to get an earful on how wonderful it was to explain to Cameron that his birthday wasn’t as important as a White Party, before hanging up. Brian wasn’t going to call Daphne, because he'd been on her shit list since the night he skipped out on the birthday dinner for Justin to stay with Michael. He knew he was fucking up with his family, but he thought Justin would understand that Michael needed him right now.  

He went to look for Michael after not finding him downstairs. Walking up stairs he searched the guest rooms, stopping at the door to Justin’s office. Opening it he found it empty of all the things that made it Justin’s.  He was really starting to worry, because Justin had been angry before, but usually faced him, not packed up. He went to the bedroom deciding he needed to clean up before he faced anyone, he finally found Michael, passed out on Justin’s side of the bed. Fuck, this wasn’t what he needed after chasing after Michael.

BRIAN

I'd  lied to Justin, but only because I knew Justin's sympathy for Michael had reached its limit. If Deb hadn’t been worried that Michael was going to hurt himself, then I would never have taken off after him. Why couldn't Justin understand, the way he did with the rest of the gang? It's like the minute he and Michael were introduced they couldn't seem to be friends. While Ben was still alive Justin was cordial towards Michael, but even I knew he didn’t seem to have any use for him. If Justin were to come in and see Michael in our bed... Shit, it was time to get my life back on track...

Thinking back, there were days when I'd turn over in bed, see Justin beside me and knew it was a miracle we met each other. If Lindsay and Mel hadn’t dragged me to meet the man my son idolized, we most likely wouldn't have met.

Justin had the muncher household in love with him, so of course Lindsay expected me to be on my best behavior. I'll admit I didn’t plan to spend more than the two seconds it took to greet him around the man my son thought the sun rose and set on. Only, in that two seconds I was intrigued by him. It was the fact that he didn’t let his fame get to him. He was almost humble about the fact that he was an award winning photographer, and didn’t stop at one medium but seem to try to outdo himself in all of them. There was a time when I enjoyed photography, but for me it was just a hobby. Justin had been to war torn countries, and not only showed the world the devastation, but the renewal after. Hell, I'd seen his work and spent years wondering how anyone could find beauty in the ugliness. 

Part of the reason I couldn't dismiss him was that he wasn’t jaded by the world he documented. I didn’t know the name of the photographer who took the pictures, but what he told me when I confessed to really only knowing his body of work left me wanting to be around him.

“My name being recognized isn't important, it's that I moved you with the work. It's the biggest compliment anyone could give me. Taking the pictures doesn’t make me a hero, the hero's are the guys who rebuilt the roads in the pictures. If anyone should be recognized it's those men and women who gave all of themselves to right what went so wrong.” He tells me. 

He was different from the other artists I’d met through Lindsay. He believed his work wasn’t to get praise, but to show the viewer that we didn’t have it rough at all in comparison to children who lost their entire families just because they were at the wrong place. 

I asked him out, and got my first rejection. He told me that dating wasn’t really convenient when his job took him all over the world. I stood there being politely let down, he even said he already regretted saying no. Which only made me want to change his mind. I can't say I was proud of how low I went to get him to agree to give me a chance, and it wasn't like we were happily ever after when he agreed. 

I fucked up with him quite a bit. The first time was when he left for a month to work. We'd agreed to an open relationship, because neither of us was ready to be exclusive. He didn’t say anything when Michael would constantly mention my escapades during the time he was gone. Unfortunately, I was a bit hypocritical when we'd run into one of his tricks. I became a stark raving asshole, to call it what it really was. Justin was different than I was about tricks. I fucked and forgot, Justin became friends a with the guys. We broke up when he came home to find me screwing one of his trick-to-friends. Though he didn’t break it off until I admitted I fucked the guy only because I didn’t like the way he looked at Justin. Justin didn’t start a fight over my hypocrisy, but told me that it was obvious to him that we weren’t going to work if this was how I reacted to the men of his past.

A few months went by before I ran into him at a gala. He was there with a woman, and I could see they were close to each other. When she walked away I approached him.

“Decided to switch sides? I tried that once, it just sent me to the nearest bathhouse.” I joke.

“I'm sure Daphne’s husband wouldn't be thrilled, since he's always wondered at our relationship.” He laughs. “It's nice to see you.” He tells me.

“Glad you made it back.” I tell him, letting him know that I still kept up with him.

“It wasn’t as bad as the media hyped it.” He tells me, reassuring me.

After Justin left me, he was in a helicopter, taking shots of the the exercises they did with the Navy Seals. Only the exercises became real and the helicopter was shot down. Gus called me, hysterical because no one knew where the team and Justin were. I spent days watching every news station, waiting for anything to say if he was dead or alive. It was the day I realized he was everything to me. They were found, but no one was told. Apparently, it was agreed that no one would ever know what happened during those three weeks. I only found out when Lindsay called me before the media got wind that Justin was alive. Justin had sent Gus a message that he'd see him soon. It was hard to be on the outside of Justin’s life, and it made me realize I didn’t want to be without him. 

He didn’t answer me when I tried to reestablish contact with him. Once again I sunk to using Lindsay to find a way to see him again. She wasn't happy to help me, because she was still pissed at what my jealousy did the first time. Wendy came through, telling me to not fuck it up, which Mel snorted at. 

This time I told him I wanted us to try without tricking. It worked for the next six months. He told me he was only willing to try again because it was thoughts of me that kept him going. It was all he ever told me about that time.

Six months later Justin was gone again. Although he didn’t leave before explaining that it wasn't likely he could call me while he was gone. It was the first time I started to question what he was really doing. When he told me he couldn’t tell me, I went ballistic. 

“You know everything about me, but unless I drag it out of you. I'm in the dark about your life. What's so fucking top secret about your job?” I exploded.

“I can’t tell you. It's not because I don't want to, it's because I can't.” He said quietly.

“You mean won't.” I sneered.

“No... I can't. There are just parts of my life that I can't share, with anyone. Believe me, if I could, it would be with you. I wish… I have to go.” He said, frustrated.

“The door is wide open, just don't expect it to stay open.” I told him, angry.

“I'll have my things gone by the end of the week.” He told me. And then he was gone.

I went on a bender, with Mikey at my side. He was only too happy that Justin was history. We partied like we had a death wish, and were lucky we didn’t end up in the hospital. 

It was when Ben showed up and told Mikey to chose him or me. For a second, Mikey almost chose me, but even he knew other than as a sidekick, there wasn't going to be an us. I loved one man, and would for the rest of my life.

Mikey settled down with Ben and I no longer tried to ruin what they built together. 

Everything went back to normal, until I got a call from Daphne asking if I would come to her beach house. It wasn’t like she and I hung out before, so I knew this had something to do with Justin. She was waiting in front when I pulled in.

“It's bad, otherwise I'd have left you in the dark. I'm hoping seeing you will spark his memory. He's been in a coma for the last month and since he woke up there's a huge gap in his memory. He doesn’t remember meeting you. When he left, he was hoping when he got back to find a way to repair his relationship with you. He didn’t tell me what happened between you, just that it wasn’t going well. Brian, he wanted to come home to you.” She tells me. 

“Is he…?” I couldn’t ask.

“He took a nasty hit to his head, and they had to relieve the pressure on his brain. Broken arm and ribs, but other than the gap in his memory he's whole.” She tells me. 

“How the fuck did it happen?” I ask, starting to acknowledge that Justin wasn't hiding something, but protecting me from whatever he really does.

“You've finally caught on. No, he isn't just a photographer and artist. I can't tell you unless you're cleared to know. Which is in progress right now. Until then, can you sit with him and talk to him?” She asks me. 

“About what?” I ask.

“Start by telling him your Gus’s father. He remembers Gus.” She tells me. 

“But not the guy he lived with.” I said, angry that he forgot me when I dream about him.

“Be as angry as you want about it, but then ask yourself why he might not want to remember the guy who couldn’t trust him.” She tells me. 

“He left every time.” I tell her. 

“You weren’t exactly fighting to keep him, and one thing Justin won't do is stay where he isn't wanted. His life is full of people who should've loved him, but didn’t. All he saw was once again being told to get out because he wasn't everything someone wanted him to be. He understands rejection better than he does being loved.” She tells me. 

“Babe, let me talk to Brian. Go check on Justin, he's wincing and pretending he's okay.” Nick, her husband, tells her.

As much as I can respect any man willing to take on Daphne, I need to see Justin. I tried to walk past Nick, but was stopped by his look.

“Brian, whatever happened between you and Justin, now isn't the time to let it be front and center. If you loved him at all, help him.” He tells me. 

“Do you know what it's like to love someone and have parts of him that I don't know about?” I ask. 

“He wanted to tell you, but it wasn’t something he could do.” He tells me. 

“But you and Daphne know?” I ask, being sarcastic as hell.

“I think you knew, but didn’t want to believe it. Did you really believe the military was interested in pictures of a training exercise?” He asks, just as sarcastically.

“I need to understand.” I tell him. 

“Walk with me, and understand that what I'm telling you, you take to your grave.” He tells me, walking away from the house. “What you know about Justin is true. He is an artist and photographer. He also serves his country. Being famous opens doors to places the government can't always see. Justin's other job is to get us layouts and pictures of places when we need the intel. He fell into it by accident, he got a picture of a terrorist at a party, when the Intel we had said the guy died in a bombing. It also alerted us that the host of the party was funding the cell. When he realized who was in the pictures he went to the host the next day, offering to paint his children's portrait as a thank you for inviting him to the party. The host gave him free access to the whole house, not paying attention to Justin when he photographed every inch of the house. He had the kids playing hide and seek all over. That way, if he had to explain why if he was caught somewhere in the house, he was just chasing the children taking candid shots for his next show. He stayed in that house for a week with no one catching on. When he left, he went straight to a friend of his family with not only a perfect layout of the house, but video of the host and terrorists plotting to bomb a major city in France. He never expected to be asked to continue to help, but has never turned us down when we ask him.” He tells me. 

“Why tell me now?” I ask. 

“To give you the choice to walk away. If you can't handle that he puts himself in harm's way, it's better he doesn't remember you.” He tells me.

____________________________

“Briian, get Justin to make us breakfast.” Mikey whines, bringing me back to the present.

“Mikey it's time for you to go home.” I tell him, realizing it could be too late already.

“Only if you stay with me, it keeps me from…” He trails off.

For the first time since Ben died, I stopped caring that Mikey was grieving, because my life was falling apart. I was suddenly very sober. What the fuck was I doing to my family? Then I remembered Gus saying the word divorce. I had to get to Justin and grovel if that’s what it took. 

BRIAN 

Getting rid of Michael ended up having to get the guys to help. Michael didn’t understand what the big deal was and why Justin was in a snit, as he viewed it. It comes from me never defending Justin to him. I didn’t want to spend nights out defending my relationship. It was one of the reasons Justin wouldn’t come out with the gang when we did our usual nights out. All Michael saw was that every time we were out everyone else brought their partners but me, and on the rare occasions Justin came, it was to listen to Michael saying shit about it being nice Justin was allowed out with me. Justin told me after one too many comments that he really didn't enjoy being out with my friends when it seemed they didn’t want him around. It's something I understood about my husband, he didn’t stay where he wasn’t wanted.

_____________________

Emmett pulled me aside one night at Woody’s, asking where Justin was. Emmett had been watching me sitting at the bar, ignoring everyone. I didn’t have the patience I normally had when Michael would talk about my past, as of tricking was all that made me someone.

“He'd rather stay home. Which is where I should've stayed.” I tell him.

“Why did he stop coming with you?” He asks. 

“He doesn’t like Michael and the shit he says.” I tell him. 

“Or the fact that you never tell Michael to shut the hell up when he says things.” He tells me, holding a hand up to stop me from saying anything. “Listen to me before you try to act like Justin should defend himself, since we know he can. He doesn’t because he can tell, just like the rest of us, exactly how shitty you'll be to him for putting Michael in his place. If Justin said the shit about Michael that Michael says to him, you'd crawl all over his ass for upsetting Michael. Yet Michael gets a free pass for saying it to Justin. Before you try to say Michael was just spouting off, none of us have missed how it's directed at Justin.” He tells me. 

“None of you jumped to Justin’s defence either.” I tell him. 

“Because he asked us to leave it alone. He didn’t want everyone fighting because Michael has a problem with him.” He tells me. 

“They both have a problem with the other.” I tell him, not understanding why.

“One day I'll tell you why, although you should have already figured it out.” He tells me, walking away.

__________________________

Michael finally left, protesting that I needed him to stay, now that Justin finally got the clue. It was the moment I knew I’d let my friendship with Michael go too far. Emmett sat across from me, not being his happy self.

“What the hell were you thinking? I stayed out of this, only because Drew and Ted told me it wouldn’t do any good. Why stay married to Justin if you didn’t want to be?” He asks. 

“Stay the fuck out of it.” I tell him. 

“No. For once I won't, because this last year doesn’t make sense to me. Until Ben died, you and Justin were one of the most together couples I knew. Yet, since he died, it's like you’re trying to be Michael’s husband instead of Justin’s. If that's what you wanted, you got it. Justin is done being the wife while you run around with your mistress.” He tells me. 

“I promised Ben I'd take care of Michael, but since Justin and Michael can't be in the same room together it was easier to stay with Michael.” I tell him. 

“Caring for someone doesn't mean ignoring your family. Brian, it's bullshit what you did, all of it. It wasn’t just Justin who felt ignored, but your children. Was Michael worth losing the respect of your children? I want to help you, but right now I'm not sure you deserve it. The tricking was one step too far for Justin. It's not something you're going to have him brush over, when it was something you told him had no place in your marriage. Or did you just mean that he shouldn’t do it? You said you promised Ben to take care of Michael, but what about the promises you made to Justin? I guess he wasn’t important, as long as Mikey was happy!” Emmett said, as Drew came in and asked Emmett to please go wait in the car. He waited for the door to close before looking at me.

“If all that's true, then hopefully you'll be happy catering to Michael’s ass. Emmett and I need to go, we promised Cameron that we'd take him to the zoo for his birthday present.” Drew says, nailing one more nail into my coffin.

“They’re still here?” I ask, because Justin knew ways to disappear if he wanted to.

“I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell you what you told Emmett. It's none of your fucking business. Do Justin a favor and sign the divorce papers. He doesn’t need any more of your bullshit excuses. Don't worry, Emmett and I will make sure Cameron and Gus know they can depend on us.” He tells me, looking disgusted with me.

Thinking back to the only time Justin needed me, I knew that was half my problem in this marriage. Once he got his memory back, he became the stronger person in this marriage. I liked being needed, and sometimes I felt like he didn’t need me. One thing if nothing else I have to clear up with Justin was that I didn’t cheat on him. Michael and I weren't at the White Party, we were trying to get him help at a clinic. Which would sound more convincing if we hadn't come home drunk today. The truth was, I drank because I was afraid to face my family after screwing up this last year. I knew Justin had been helping to keep Kinnetik from going under, with me ignoring my company.  When Michael refused to stay and get well we did what we always did and drank the problem away. I knew Justin wouldn’t deal with me drunk, so it was just my way of not having to explain anything to him. I also didn’t want to tell him what my doctor told me, so I avoided it by not coming home. How do I tell him I have cancer? I didn't want him to worry, so I used Michael as an excuse to get it taken care of, then ended up having to chase Michael down when Deb came to me in tears. I knew I needed to stop ignoring my doctors and get the treatments I’d skipped out on. It's not an excuse for most of this last year though, because it was me liking that Mikey needed me in a way Justin doesn’t. If something happened to me, Justin would still be able to stand on his own two feet. He’d do what he always does and take care of everyone's needs, only giving in when he was alone. Even when he was healing from his injuries, he didn’t want anyone coddling him. I can smile at the first moment we saw each other, because even when he didn’t remember me, his indrawn breath before he shook my hand, and his eyes practically undressing me, told me his body remembered us. 

“Daphne told me you’re Gus’s father. It's nice to meet the man who drives Mel nuts.” He jokes.

“She loves me, just doesn't like anyone to know.” I tell him.

“I'm sure she prefers you to Jenny’s father. Apparently he drives them insane.” He tells me, smiling.

“Mikey’s just making sure they remember he's Jenny’s father.” I tell him, defending Mikey.

“Sorry, I forgot that Mel told me he was your best friend. Can you tell me why Daphne thinks I should talk to you? She only told me you could help fill some gaps in my memory.” He tells me. 

“Apparently I'm the only gap in your memory. We dated on and off for years.” I tell him, because hinting at it wasn’t a way to get him to remember me.

“We're we together still? I'm only asking because no one has mentioned you.” He tells me, walking to the sofa.

“Are you still hurt?” I ask, when he sits down as if he couldn’t stand any longer.

“I still tire easily, other than that, I'm mostly back to normal. Are you going to answer my question?” He asks. 

“We have some problems, and you left for work before we could work it out.” I tell him, not telling him that I pretty much told him I wasn’t going to wait around.

“I get the feeling Daphne didn’t like you much. Nick told me to ignore my best friend, and talk to you. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.” He tells me. 

“I was tired of you not telling me anything. I knew your life the public knows, but as your partner I think I should have known everything you don't share. When you left, we… I, started an argument, because you told me it wasn’t likely you could call while you were gone. When I pushed you about it you just kept telling me you couldn’t answer me, and being the asshole that I can be, I took it as you were hiding something.” I tell him. 

“It comes with what I do. If we'd been more than two guys dating, then I could tell you. What I do isn't something that you tell everyone. If I didn't tell you, it wouldn’t have been because I didn’t love you, but because it's something you didn't need to know.” He tells me. 

“If you had died, was that something I didn't need to know?” I ask, trying not to let my anger show.

“No, not if we broke up. Why would you want to know if we weren’t together?” He asks me, getting up and walking outside.

Following him, I wasn’t sure whether coming here was a good idea. He was closing himself off again. I remembered what Daphne said, that he wouldn't stay where he wasn’t wanted, and it wasn't like I was giving him anything to make him think I wanted him.

“I did things that to this day no one ever knows, to find out everything I could about you.” I tell him. 

“Why?” He asks. 

“You told me no, not something anyone ever did. Then my son was practically Justin this and Justin that. When Lindsay told me I was going to meet you, I wasn’t planning on liking the person my son worshipped. Only, you made it hard for me to ignore you. It wasn’t just what you looked like, not that I didn’t find you attractive. It was in the way you didn’t care about fame, but that people saw more than you. You could still see the good in what you were seeing.” I tell him. 

“It's easy to get blinded by the atrocities. I couldn’t have continued if I only saw that. It's soul destroying. I need to show people that there's a way back. I don't want kids like Gus growing up believing only that the world is going to crap. Which is what he hears on the news. It's something I find funny, they report a plane crashing but don't mention how many landed that day. It's why I take pictures of the devastation and pair them with the beauty of life beginning again. I want to show my children that there's more, if we reach for it.” He tells me. 

“You never said you wanted children.” I tell him. 

“Then you were right, I was hiding things from you.” He tells me. 

“I probably gave you the impression I didn’t want a life that included them.” I tell him. 

“I couldn’t tell you, since I don't remember.” He tells me. 

I stayed with Justin for a couple of weeks, telling him about us. One morning he was sitting in a chair across from the bed I was sleeping in, thinking hard about something. It was something I didn't tell him, because it wasn’t something I was proud of. 

“You fucked one of my friends.” He tells me. 

“I didn’t like the way he acted, like he was more to you then I was. I think it's called jealousy, but since I've never felt it before I didn’t recognize it.” I tell him. 

“It's not something I like either. Especially when I put up with guys throwing themselves at you. And you agreed to an open relationship. I had to listen as your friend made sure I knew about you tricking, and I handled my jealousy, by not lashing out at you.” He tells me. 

“You’re remembering?” I ask. 

“It started yesterday when Michael called half a dozen times. For some reason I remember him.” He says rolling his eyes.

“What do you think of what you remembered?” I ask, hoping he isn't about to throw me out.

“There was something about you that made me want to stay with you. When I left the last time, I planned to come back, after telling everyone I was done. I planned to come back without a life you couldn’t know about. Sorry about being late.” He tells me, climbing in the bed.

We stayed together this time. He got to know Ted and Emmett, but was still resistant to anything that included Michael. When holidays rolled around, he went to see his mother and Daphne, instead of spending time at Deb's. I knew he wanted to avoid the drama at Deb's house. Which happened regularly when he came with me to dinner, so he stopped coming. He wasn’t trying to cause trouble the last time he came, but he didn’t realize that Deb lied to Michael. 

Michael was boasting that his father was the kind of man Gus should look up to. When Justin asked what his father did, not to challenge Michael, but generally interested. Michael didn’t seem to know and put Deb in the hot seat. She fumbled her way through a heroic deed that never happened, naming some battle that was never in a history book. Then she berated Justin for not believing in her fiction. Justin got up kissed me and hugged Gus, before telling Deb thank you for the dinner and her love of weaving stories. I followed him out the door, pissed that he couldn’t leave it alone.

“I'm sorry, you expect the truth from me, but her making up shit so Michael can pretend his father was a hero is okay with you. You're a fucking hypocrite, but then we all know, for Michael you'll compromise your principles.” He tells me, pissed.

“He's not like you, in his world there has to be a hero. While you go off being a hero.” I tell him. 

“I'm not a hero, what I do makes sure that the guys who fight for us come home to their families. If anyone is a hero, they are, for defending this country in real battles, not that bullshit Deb tells Michael so he can sleep better than if he knew the truth. If you expect me to sit through her trying to belittle me for not pretending everything she says is truth, then you can come here alone.” He tells me.

“Fuck you. I wanted to propose tonight in front of my friends.” I tell him.

“Why, when they obviously don't think we should be together?” He tells me. 

“It doesn’t matter what they think, I love you. That’s all that should matter.” I tell him, still pissed at him for calling Deb on her crap. 

“It don't want to say yes while you're still pissed at me.” He tells me, kissing me before leaving.

I went back in, feeling like an asshole for taking Deb's side on this. Justin wasn’t saying anything that all of us hadn’t thought when she made up shit to keep Michael happy. Gus asked if he could go with Justin and took off after my nod.“I came here tonight to ask Justin to marry me. I wanted him to see that my friends were able to show us the support you've shown to Blake, Drew, and Ben, but it was wrong on my part to think you could welcome him.” I tell them, walking out, not willing to listen to them. 

It took a couple days before they each came to me, apologizing for their lukewarm reception to Justin. Emmett, on the other hand, went to Justin and offered his friendship. It made Blake show up and get to know Justin, which had Ted jokingly getting on his knees to apologize for anything Justin felt he did. Michael claimed to be happy for us, but Justin didn’t offer a way for them to try to be friends. Deb told me if someone like Justin was who I thought would make me happy, then she'd accept my decision. It was the best I could expect, because him not liking her son was the real problem.

We got married in a small ceremony with just Gus and the girls there. Justin told me that as much as he liked most of my friends, he didn’t want his wedding turning into something Michael would ruin. Which was the first time he asked me anything concerning Michael which was not to let Michael be my best man. It pissed Michael off, he asked what was next, that Justin demand that I cut Michael out of my life. As always, I told him no one would stop me from being friends with him. He tried to tell me that he should be there while I was making the biggest mistake of my life. He said it like a joke. Instead of calling him on it, I let it go, but told him that he wasn't coming.

For years everything was almost perfect for us. We had our ups and downs, but nothing anyone else didn’t. Justin never brought up children again, but it stayed in the back of my mind. I finally brought it up, telling him we should get started on it. Justin agreed and we found a surrogate to have Cameron with. Cameron was mini Justin from the minute he was born. Just like with Gus, I fell under his spell the minute I held him. I got to see the things I missed with Gus. I used to wonder why Lindsay would call me to tell me every little thing Gus did, and now understood why she did. 

Emmett threw a party to celebrate Cameron coming home, inviting everyone. Michael and Ben showed up with Hunter. Emmett wasn't happy that Michael would talk about Hunter whenever anyone paid attention to Cameron. I was only seeing it as Michael being proud of his son, and wanting to share it. I told Emmett to stop trying to cause drama, which Justin heard. He took Cameron into the kitchen without saying a word. Silence was Justin’s way of dealing with Michael, and my way of knowing I fucked up in his eyes.

Gus wanted to live with us after Cameron turned one. He asked Justin and me to come to Canada so he could talk to us and his moms together. We got there and Gus explained that he wanted to be a big brother to Cameron like he'd been for Jenny. It wasn’t his only reason, the other was he felt like he barely got to be with his Dads. Mel only agreed because she and Lindsay trusted Justin. It hurt to hear, but Justin remembered birthdays and was there to remind me when I needed to be at something for Gus. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be there, but there were times when I was busy with a campaign and simply forgot. With Gus around, Justin became involved with him and Cameron, and didn’t mind when I went out with Michael. He said it gave me a break instead of leaving work to the demands of the kids. 

It wasn’t until the night Ben passed away that I started in a long line of mistakes that led to the papers I'm now holding. He didn’t waste any time. He wants a divorce, and after thinking about the past year, no one would blame him. He signed over everything we owned together to me, only wanting sole custody of Cameron. Justin had a fortune of his own, so giving me back everything we jointly owned wouldn’t matter to him.

I tore up the papers, understanding it didn’t change that he wanted a divorce. He could want one, but he wasn't getting one without a fight, but first I needed to stop letting Michael and Deb pull me away from my family. Which is my fault for losing my balls when it came to the two of them.

BRIAN 

Walking in to see Deb consoling Michael wasn’t going to make what I had to say any easier. I knew Deb didn’t like Justin, and most likely was happy I had managed to fuck up with him. She looked at me with the look she gave me anytime she decided I was the reason her son got in trouble. It's the look that always had me taking the blame for Michael, because of my fear of losing the only mother I acknowledged. She didn’t seem to know what to do when I didn’t say anything. What she doesn't realize is that losing her and Michael isn’t nearly as painful as losing my husband and children.

“How could you kick Michael out, when he still needs you?” Deb asks, glaring. 

“Ma, it isn't his fault. The blond shit is trying to come between us. He never liked how Brian would rather spend time with me. Remember the wedding none of us were invited to? I told you he'd try to do something to split us up.” Michael tells us. 

“I know baby, but maybe it will open Brian’s eyes this time. Brian, I hate to speak ill of your husband…”  

“Justin.” I interrupted her.

“Like I was saying, I don't like to say anything that sounds less then nice, but he's always treated everyone like he's better than us.” She tells me. 

“He does Brian, he seemed to hate me from the start. You know he used Jenny to get to me. Let's not even mention how he let Hunter stay at your house, when I needed Hunter to help me.” Michael tells me. 

“It wasn’t right to let Hunter take off when Michael needed him. Hunter won't even take my calls and I know HE has something to do with it.” Deb tells us.

“Hunter should be home, but instead he's acting like he’s mad at me.” Michael tells us. 

Listening to the two of them, I started thinking back to anytime Justin was around them, and realized they never used his name. In fact, they went out of their way to interrupt if anyone was talking to Justin. As for Hunter, what I remember about the funeral wasn't pretty.

He argued with Michael that Ben wouldn’t want a burial, but to be cremated. Michael told Hunter what Ben wanted didn’t matter, the funeral was going to be how he and Deb wanted it to be. At the church, Michael told Hunter to sit with the girls because he wanted Deb and me next to him, and that Hunter needed to take care of Jenny. Hunter sat with Justin, which had Michael saying I should have told Justin to stay home. By the time we reached the cemetery Hunter didn’t even try to sit with Deb and Michael. Deb chastised Hunter for not saying anything when people were asked to speak about Ben, but left Michael alone when he wouldn’t. When he left with Justin, I ended up crawling up Justin’s ass for not bringing Hunter back to the house for the wake. Not even acknowledging what Deb and Michael did to Hunter, then ignoring the fact that neither of them seemed to notice Hunter wasn’t there. At this point I was trying to find anything I did right, anything that would convince Justin not to go through with the divorce. I was coming up empty. I shook out of my thoughts in time to hear Deb saying something about Michael selling his house.

“I think you two should consider it.” Deb tells him. 

“Consider what?” I ask, missing what they'd been talking about.

“Michael can't live in the house he and Ben were happy in. Why not let him move in with you, now that… Justin is obviously gone. I could even come over everyday and make sure you boys don't have to worry about household things.” Deb tells me, which only sounded like my nightmares come to life.

“I think we should sell your house too, and find one together. It would be a fresh start for both of us. It would also tell the boy toy that you’re moving on. Think about it, no more ball and chain expecting you to come home to a life you never really wanted. I told you he was a mistake.” Michael says, excited at visions of living with me.

I took a deep breath, because this was my fault. I couldn’t blame Michael for thinking I'd want what he and Deb were talking about, since I'm the one who treated my marriage like it was second to Michael. Then, what Gus said before he drove off made it impossible for me to stay calm. Did Gus really feel like I was becoming my father? This last year, everything I did was something my father would have done. I ignored everything I should've done, just to take care of Michael. Looking at them, I realized they were practically gleeful over the idea that Justin was leaving me.

“The only mistake I ever made was letting Justin believe you were more important. Go ahead and sell your house, but it will never be so you and I can live together. I'm done fucking up my life because of you and Deb. Understand one thing, from now going forward my only priority is Justin and my children. You expect Hunter to help Michael? Why should he, when you both treated him like crap when he needed you?” I tell them, turning and leaving to face whatever I have to do get Justin to at least agree not to get divorced.

“You'd turn your back on the people who were there for you... FOR HIM!” Michael screeches.

“Yes. But apparently I didn’t do it soon enough.” I tell him.

_________________________

I'm not sure what happened after I opened the door, just that I woke up with wires and monitors around me, and Justin ready to murder me, by the look on his face.

“Cancer. And you run off to party with Michael? Do you know how fucked up that is? Is he worth your health? Because right now I'm more then willing to hand over your care to the fucking guy you chose over our family.” He tells me, practically breathing fire.

“I can explain.” I tell him. 

“I'm sure you can. But the minute partying with Michael became important, and our children were left feeling second to that piece of shit, explanations no longer mattered.” He tells me. 

“Justin, I'm asking you to not walk away, even when everything I did means I deserve it.” I tell him.

“Fuck you. This doesn't change anything. I'm staying because no matter how much crap you did, I want Gus to find a way to get past his anger at you. Understand one thing, I'm having Deb and Michael thrown out of here and they are also barred from my house. If you have a problem with my decisions, then appoint someone else, and be ready to sign the divorce papers.” He tells me.

“Do what you need to do.” I tell him. 

 JUSTIN

I wanted everyone to leave me alone, but they didn't understand why I didn't want to trash Brian. Yes, I'm angry, I’m hurt, and I don't see a way back from his abandonment of our marriage. Mostly, I'm tired of everyone’s well meaning advice. I'm pissed that everyone doesn't understand that as done as I am at waiting around, I still love him and he's still Cameron and Gus’s father. Gus is already pissed at Brian and he doesn't need everyone vilifying Brian. Cameron doesn’t understand why we moved, and I need to take care of my children, not listen to Brian’s faults. Drew and Emmett showed up and let me know Brian finally surfaced. When Cameron saw them he was ready to go. 

“Please try not to mention anything in front of him.” I tell them.

“We wouldn’t, which is something you should already know.” Drew tells my mom, Daphne, and Mel, before taking Cameron with him.

“I'm sorry sweetheart, it's hard for all of us after what he did to you.” My mom says, pissing me off.

“Brian did it to Justin, not any of you. It's really not our business. ” Nick tells them, as I walk out to the backyard. 

“After that, you'd think I'd mind my own business.” Nick tells me, sitting next to me on the steps.

“Why can't everyone understand I don’t need them rehashing everything I had to live with?” I ask him. 

“It's a woman thing, you know, scorched earth and all.” He jokes.

“I dare you to go say that to them.” I tell him, smiling for the first time in weeks.

“Dude, you think I have a death wish? I like my bed.” He tells me. 

“Is it bad that I hope he wakes up and fights me?” I ask. 

“I'm not sure what to answer. I know you took longer than I would to leave him.” He tells me. 

“I kept waiting, as if he'd finally miss us. I may sound pathetic, but I can't just act like he wasn’t the man I love.” I tell him. 

“Why did you send him divorce papers if you're not even sure what you want?” He asks. 

“I've had them drawn up since he didn't show up for Gus birthday. I didn’t want Gus to think it was his fault, so i waited. Him not showing up for Cameron's birthday just made it clear that I was stalling.” I tell him. 

“I'm worried about you. I heard you agreed to another assignment.” He tells me. 

“I never wanted to stop, it's just another thing I gave up to be with Brian.” I tell him. 

“Justin, it's not something you should decide right now. Even if you and Brian divorce, there's still Cameron and Gus.” He reminds me. 

“They can come with me, it's not like the ones in the past. I already have a reason to be there, since I was invited to speak at a seminar in London. It's safe enough that I can bring the boys with me.” I tell him. 

“Are you bringing the boys?” He asks.

“Fuck no.” I said without thinking.

“Never lie to me, I've known you too long.” He tells me, getting up. 

It was selfish and reckless to even consider going, but I lived safe for years because I wanted to make my relationship with Brian work. Sometimes I wonder if I gave up too much for Brian. What did Michael do that made him more important than me? 

Brian was always complaining that I made it impossible for Michael and I to be friends. He didn’t get what my problem was, but then I never told him what Michael said the first time we met. The guys were all at the pool table when Michael whispered into my ear.

“Enjoy him, but when it comes to Brian, I'll always come first. In the end, he'll always chose me over anyone else.” He told me, kissing my cheek before telling Brian he wanted to go dancing.

Brian agreed to go, not happy when I told him I rather go home. He left with the guys, not coming home until almost dawn, drunk off his ass with Michael smirking at me as he dumped Brian in bed. He started to open his mouth to say something to me, but Ben came in to tell Michael they needed to get home. Which is the only reason Michael walked out without me kicking the shit out of him.

When Brian woke up he acted like an asshole for the next couple days. Then told me that Michael said I told him “I control Brian”. 

“So you stayed out all night to prove me wrong?” I ask, not giving a shit about Michael anymore.

“It's not like we promised to be exclusive.” He tells me. 

“You're right, we didn’t.” I told him, then called to say yes to a job I had turned down to spend time with Brian.

Brian chased me down, but it caused our first break up. It also made me willing to take more dangerous jobs. It was like I needed to do something to stay away from him. But spending weeks running from bullets only made me wish I was with him. His friendship with Michael made him a security risk. Which is why I couldn't tell him anything. When they vetted Brian, there was a problem with Michael and Deb, namely her signing a dead man's name to Michael’s birth certificate. 

Which means I knew when Michael was shoving his father out there as a hero. It's the one time Brian didn’t figure out I purposely did what I did. It was more because I was angry that these two were the reason I couldn't tell Brian anything.

Things got easier after Brian and I got married. Michael was still around but Brian stopped expecting me to put up with him. I liked Ben, even though his choice in men wasn't great. Ben didn’t let Michael opinions shade his, so we were able to at least be somewhat friends. Ben stopped Michael from randomly stopping by and seemed to know there was a reason for the animosity between Michael and me, though he never pushed to find out why. 

When Ben died, so did my marriage. Brian not showing up at my birthday was strike one, Gus’s birthday was the day I filled out the paperwork. If I had known where Brian was when he missed Cameron’s birthday, he'd have had them in his hands. I knew I couldn’t stay with him when a trick was more important than Cameron. Gus was already barely speaking to Brian by this point, but after finding out by overhearing Mel rant to Lindsay that no one should be surprised he'd rather get his dick sucked then be there for his children, Gus told me staying wasn’t worth his father forgetting all of us.

“Justin.” Nick snapped his fingers in my face, which meant he'd been trying for a couple minutes to get my attention.

“What?” I ask. 

“I know you don't owe Brian shit, but he’s been rushed to the hospital. Blake called, because the doctor told them he needed someone with the right to authorize treatment. Brian has you listed as the only person they can talk to, according to Ted.” He tells me. 

When I arrived at the hospital, Deb and Michael were arguing that they were Brian’s family and demanding answers from the doctor. Michael saw me and ordered them to make me leave. Telling everyone Brian didn’t need his soon to be ex husband making any decisions. The doctor walked straight to me and asked to see my ID, then he took me to his office, since Deb and Michael were trying to make it impossible for him to say anything to me in private. 

“We need to get Brian to agree to chemo, which for some reason he didn’t do after his surgery.” He tells me. 

“You need to back up, chemo, as in cancer?” I ask. 

“He didn’t tell you?” He asks. 

“We've been estranged for the last year. You might want to talk to him first and find out if he still wants me involved.” I tell him. 

“He already told me that you were in charge if you came. This trip to the hospital was more because he was dehydrated and exhausted. He needs to rest, because chemo is going to drain him even more.” He tells me. 

“Is he staying here?” I ask. 

“We'd  like to monitor him for a couple days. The doctor in charge of oncology will be in to talk to you both sometime today.” He tells me. 

Deb and Michael were outside the doctor’s office, causing a scene. I didn’t want to deal with either of them. “I need to make sure those two aren't allowed in Brian’s room.” I tell him.

“We greatly appreciate it.” He tells me, calling security.

“Please just ignore any yelling you hear from Brian’s room.” I tell him, going to face my husband.

JUSTIN

JUSTIN

JUSTIN

JUSTIN

I went to get Cameron up and dressed. He wanted to play with his toys, but I could tell he was waiting to see if Brian came to get him like he used to. I let him play, while I went down to make breakfast. I passed by the living room and saw Brian still sleeping and decided to let him get all the rest he could. It was strange to have him here and not with me, but right now it wouldn’t solve the problems we have. I thought a lot about what Hunter said and he had a point; that trust could be rebuilt. It’s just, the man Brian became wasn’t the man I married. Brian was missing parts of him that make him who he is. It’s something that only happens when he’s around Michael and Deb, they seem to get a pass that no one else does. With everyone else he doesn’t put up with anything he sees as bullshit. 

Gus came flying in the backdoor with Mel on his heels, and Lindsay slowly following behind. I wanted to scream that I didn’t need anymore shit on top of what was going on, but seeing Gus adopt his father’s blank stare when Mel told him to get his things, meant dealing with whatever she and Gus were pissed at each other for.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Gus told her, glaring at her.

“Gus, you are going to do as I ask, I’m still your mother.” Mel grits out.

“Unlike Justin, who you don’t think has the right to ask me to do anything, since he isn’t my father!” Gus tells her.

“Gus, can you go get Cameron. I have breakfast in the warmer for both of you. I need to talk to Mel.” I tell him.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Mel tells me.

“Obviously there is, since you decided to come here.” I tell her, walking out and waiting for her in the living room, glad that Brian must have gotten up since he wasn’t here. “Why is Gus upset?” I ask when she follows me.

“Because I was pissed at you for telling him he should try to talk to Brian.” She tells me.

“I didn’t TELL him he should talk to Brian, I ASKED him. Gus loves Brian, and needs to find a way to repair their relationship, for himself. He loves his father and I don’t want him to have the kind of relationship that I do with mine. Why is that a problem?” I ask.

“He needs to see Brian for the piece of shit he is. Since you seem to have forgotten the bullshit he did, I think it’s better for Gus to not stay here. I have to question your judgement when it comes to making the right decisions for my son.” She tells me.

“I have to question your decisions on what you say in front of OUR son and anyone else who will listen. I’ll fight you if you try to take Gus, unless he wants to go. Which, from what I see, isn’t the case.” I tell her.

“I don’t see a problem, since no judge in his right mind would let Brian have custody.” She tells me.

“Until now you didn’t have a problem with Gus living here alone with me, but because I let Brian come here, it’s now a problem?” I ask.

“Yes, it’s my primary concern, because you are making bad decisions about everything, including Gus. For once, Brian needs to have consequences for the shit he does, instead you let him back in your life. I don’t want Gus around you if you let Brian get away with his bullshit.” She tells me.

“I don’t want Gus around someone who can’t shut their mouth, and seems to go out of their way to hurt their kids, so I think you could say I don’t want him around you!” I tell her.

“Well it won’t be your decision, because if Brian stays, Gus won’t. Lindsay and I are his parents, not you. Just so you know, I’m also going to make it so Michael and Brian can’t see the kids. Since we know once Brian no longer needs you to take care of him, Michael will get him back.” She tells me.

“Get a good fucking lawyer because I plan to!” I tell her.

“I think stepfather verse mothers, won’t be hard to win.” She tells me, walking towards the kitchen.

BRIAN

I spent the night on the sofa, because sleeping without Justin wasn’t possible. It’s what led to the exhaustion, because when I wasn’t home, I couldn’t relax enough to get a decent night’s sleep. I managed to get a few hours and knew I couldn’t keep this up with Chemo coming. I spent the night trying to figure out a real reason for the shit I did to my family. I kept saying I liked being needed, but in truth, I didn’t like the way it made it sound like I saw what I did as Justin’s fault. Which he didn’t deserve, when he was the one holding our family together. 

I tried to give Gus a reason for the things I did, and saying it out loud, just came off as if I was a puppet Deb and Michael had all the strings to. I spent my life doing anything for Deb and Michael, because at one time they were all I had. I didn’t need Emmett to tell me why Justin and Michael couldn’t get along, hell it wasn’t like I didn’t know. I knew what Michael wanted from me, and I watched as Michael’s jealousy got out of control when Justin and I were together. I honestly didn’t see it as I was defending Michael, because it seemed almost as natural as breathing sometimes. It pissed me off that Gus would think I’d come down on him if he said anything to Michael, but what else could he think when it’s all he saw. 

When it was the normal time to get Cameron up for breakfast, it gave me something to do instead of pretending to sleep. I’d looked around after Cameron went to bed, and saw the differences in the house we owned together and the house Justin was creating. Thinking back, he left everything up to the decorator in the other house. The only areas the decorator wasn’t allowed to touch were Justin’s office and our bedroom. Those were the areas of the houses that resembled the house he bought to leave our marriage. 

When I opened Cameron’s door, it was to find him playing with his building blocks quietly. When he saw me, he got up and ran into my arms. He’d already been dressed, which means Justin had already taken care of one of the things that I made my job. I wanted to do what I could to alleviate some of the things that Justin did because no one else was around to do them. 

When Cameron was born, I did everything I could to be a good father to him. It was something I hated listening to, how I was barely there for Gus. Which not only came from Mel but also from Michael. Mel made a point of only talking about anything that made her into the good mother and me into the bad father. There were days that I took Justin up on the nights out with Michael and the guys because Mel and Lindsay would come for the weekend to see Gus. I got tired of the way Mel would remind all of us that Gus was only living with me because of Justin. I’m sure I’ll get to hear her crow about me being a complete failure in Gus’s eyes. 

Cameron and I were almost to the staircase when Gus came up the stairs. He came up to me and grabbed my arm and steered us away from the front of the house.

“Justin said to go down the backway. He doesn’t like Cameron to hear the things Mama says.” He tells me.

“Gussy happy?” Cameron asks.

“I always am when I get to see you.” He tells Cameron with a strained smile.

We got to the kitchen, avoiding the front of the house. I could hear Justin and Mel talking and found Lindsay hiding in the kitchen. Gus grabbed plates out of the warmer and sat with Cameron away from Lindsay. I guess Gus isn’t happy with any of us, from the way he glared when Lindsay tried to say something. I sat next to Cameron, and Gus got up to get a plate of fruit and toast for me.

“Justin said to eat it all.” Gus tells me.

“Gus…” Lindsay stopped when Gus glared at her.

“I don’t want to talk to you. Why not go out and decide my life, the way you and Mama apparently already did without including me.” He tells her.

“Honey, we just don’t think you should be here.” Lindsay tells him.

“I told you both I don’t care what you think. I want to stay with Justin.” He tells her.

“Brian, we really think it would be better for Gus to come live with us. Justin has enough to deal with and I’m sure you’ll agree, Gus doesn’t need to be here when you and Justin need time to decide how to dissolve everything.” She tells me.

“Why don’t you tell Dad what else you and Mama were coming here for.” Gus tells her, getting upset.

Lindsay looked down at the table, avoiding looking at Gus. “Gus, we just wanted to help Justin.” She tells him.

As the voices in the other room get louder, it didn’t take a genius to realize it was something I wasn’t going to like, and the fact that Gus was directing more of his anger at Lindsay said there was more to this than them thinking Gus should live with them. Cameron finished eating and I asked Gus to take him outside, because Justin raising his voice meant he was royally pissed. 

“What the hell is this about?” I ask Lindsay, who still wouldn’t look up from the table.

“Mel and I discussed it and we think it would be better if Gus wasn’t around you for a while. Mel wasn’t happy that he talked Gus into seeing you. I tried to tell her Justin was just trying to mend things with you, but she said Justin didn’t get to make those decisions for Gus, since he wasn’t one of Gus’s parents. Gus overheard us and got in Mel’s face saying that Justin has always been a father to him. Mel agreed that Justin did everything you never did for Gus, but said right now she didn’t feel Justin had Gus’s best interests in mind, because he let you come home.” She tells me, crying and wringing her hands.

“Let me get one thing straight with you, before I ask you and Mel to leave. Justin has always been the most unselfish person I know. Regardless of my fuck ups, he knows, even though none of you believe it, that I love my children and would do anything to erase the hurt that I caused because I forgot what was important in my life. It’s something that you and Mel can’t seem to figure out, because trust me, I know what Mel’s been saying to Jenny, and as much as Michael can be worthless as a father, that’s something that Jenny needs to find out for herself.” I tell her.

“I’m sure Michael told you what he thought would keep you at his beck and call, asshole.” Mel comes charging in.

“Mel, if you want to keep acting like a bitch, you do it somewhere other than my house.” Justin tell her.

“Actually it wasn’t Michael who told me, in case you're wondering.” I tell her.

“Well it really doesn’t matter, we just feel it would be better for everyone if Gus wasn’t here.” Lindsay says softly.

“What Gus wants doesn’t matter, only that you can use it to hurt Brian. Do you realize he is going to hate you for keeping him away from Brian, Cameron, and me, or is that okay with you because for once it makes you superior to Brian?” He grits through his teeth.

I didn’t give a shit whether Justin likes it or not, I walked over to him and held on as he started towards Mel. He was shaking with rage at the idea of losing Gus. It was different than before, because normally Mel never took out her anger at me on Justin, but also that he was defending me to her.

“He wants to stay with us, and Mel, you can yell, scream, or shout all you want, because Gus will be where he decides he wants to be. Don’t forget, you two signed over primary custody to me and Justin, who, no matter what you say, IS Gus’s other father.” I tell her.

“We’ll see about that.” She tells me, walking out of the house.

“I’m sorry.” Lindsay tells us running after Mel.

“I’m sorry too.” I tell Justin, because I knew this was about me, not Justin.

“Sorry’s bullshit, right now we need to make sure Gus is okay.” He tells me.

“I need to make a call, but tell Gus unless it’s what he wants, it won’t happen.” I tell him, letting him go.

Justin nodded, leaving to see Gus, and I picked up the phone to call Ted and Cynthia. I wanted everything in order if Mel tried to take this further. It pissed me off that she treated Justin that way because she hated my guts. She didn’t hate all the things she and Lindsay asked of both of us through the years, for not only Gus, but Jenny. I looked at my cell phone, that I had kept on silent since leaving the hospital and decided I need to do one more thing. I text Cynthia to pick up a new phone and number for me on her way here. Then I smashed the phone that hadn’t stopped going off since I was in the hospital. 

BRIAN

After this morning with Mel and Lindsay, Lindsay called again, trying to get Gus to come home to their house. When he refused, she asked to talk to Justin, and Gus sarcastically told her that his father was busy, before hanging up the phone on her. Daphne and Nick came over an hour later. Daphne sat down next to me, and didn’t read me the riot act.

“I tried to talk to Mel, but she isn’t listening. I called my cousin who said it really didn’t matter now that Gus is seventeen. He can pretty much choose where he wants to live.” She tells me.

“Justin will appreciate that.” I tell her.

“Brian, I know I’ve never been very welcoming with you, but Gus’s life won’t be better without you. I promised Nick I’d stop interfering because I probably caused some of the problems between you and Justin. Just know he had a hard time with leaving you.” She tells me, getting up and going to check on Justin and Gus.

“That must have hurt her to say.” I joke when Nick comes out and hands me a glass.

“It’s high protein and calories, which you need because you're underweight and need to bulk up for chemo.” He tells me.

“Were you talking to my doctor?” I ask.

“Justin told me what the doctor was worried about. You only have two weeks to gain some weight before chemo takes it off you. So drink up, because you need this at least five times a day along with eating every two hours.” He tells me smiling.

“I’m starting to think it would be better for me to leave.” I admit to Nick.

“I think you and Justin don’t need any more people pushing you apart. Mel never liked that you and Justin were together, anymore than Michael does.” He tells me.

“She didn’t like me, and then when Justin agreed to see me, it pissed her off. Up til now she only made sure I knew how she felt. Normally she left Justin out of this.” I tell him.

“She overestimates her influence on Justin. He liked her, but never really understood the dynamic of her and Lindsay. I doubt he would have stayed friends with her and Lindsay if he didn’t fall in love with Gus. In truth, I think he only let Lindsay around because he worried about the way Mel talked about you to Gus.” He tells me.

“Was this before we met?” I ask, because I never saw his friendship with Mel and Lindsay as anything but him liking them.

“It was before, he met Lindsay when she helped arrange one of his shows. Gus was there and Justin let Gus hang out with him because Lindsay was busy and Gus was bored. After that Lindsay started inviting him to the house when he was in town. They all hung out, but Justin really stuck around because Gus wanted him to. When you and Justin got together he was trying to make it easier for you by keeping Mel off your back.” He tells me.

“I never really thought it was more than him and Mel being close.” I tell him.

“He knew you didn’t like the idea that he was trying to protect you. That’s why he let you believe he valued his friendship with Lindsay and Mel. If you’d known what he was doing, you would have been pissed at him for doing it. Justin reads people and can calculate how they’ll react to things, which is why he left Michael alone for the most part. He knew when it came to Michael, anything he did would cause problems with you.” He tells me.

“I proved him right the night he challenged Deb when she talked about the made up bullshit about Michael’s father.” I tell him.

“You should ask him about that, because it was about more than you know.” He tells me.

“You aren’t going to tell me?” I ask.

“Nope. It’s time you and Justin start talking to each other. He doesn’t want the divorce, but he can’t see a way around it. My opinion is that you two have spent too much time not talking to each other and it led to both of you pushing away. Michael was really only a small part of the bigger problem that was already there from the beginning. Justin is used to not talking about things, because for years he couldn’t, and truthfully he didn’t want you to know something that would give you nightmares while he was gone. I’m the same way with Daphne, she doesn’t need to know the shit that happens when I go wheels up.” He tells me.

“It doesn’t stop us from imagining the shit. Justin never talked about what happened after we broke up the first time. Only making it seem like it was nothing, but if it was, why did it take him weeks before he went to see Gus?” I ask.

“I can’t tell you, just like he can’t. Just know he didn’t want Gus to see him for a reason. It also made it easier for him to avoid you, because we were told you showed up at the girls house after he called to tell them he was okay.” He tells me.

“We never talked about any of that.” I tell him.

“Brian, he couldn’t. It’s something you never understood about Justin at the time. He was frustrated because people in your life made it impossible for him to tell you anything.” Nick tells me.

“Why would the people in my life be a problem?” I ask.

“In order for us to tell our partners, wives, or family anything, we have to clear it through people. It’s not your standard background check, but one that checks out everyone you come into contact with. What Justin was doing isn’t anywhere near what we do with the intel he gives us, but it only takes one wrong person finding out and it goes from easy to clusterfuck in seconds. The only reason I was able to tell you anything was because you never mentioned Justin’s job to your friends.” He tells me.

“They knew what Justin did for a living.” I tell him.

“Brian, even when you wouldn’t admit to yourself that there was something more to Justin’s work, you subconsciously knew it wasn’t what everyone thought. Most likely you just didn’t want to believe he was more than what the public knew, but not once did you tell anyone your suspicions. It made it easier for me to get them to let me tell you.” He tells me.

“What was the problem with my friends?” I ask.

“Deb put a dead man’s name on a birth certificate as Michael’s father. She also lied to the hospital, saying she was married. Because of the close relationship you shared with Deb, I was told you couldn’t be trusted not to say something to her.” Justin tells me, from the doorway.

“You already knew that the night we went to dinner at her house?” I accuse him, wishing it didn’t sound like I was.

“I’ll go see if the kids need something.” Nick tells us, leaving the room.

Justin walked in and sat across from me, waiting as if I was going to berate him. For a second I almost did, before recognizing that if I wanted a chance with Justin, I could not to do what he expected from me.

“It’s why you never really wanted to be around them?” I ask.

“One of the reasons.” He tells me.

“The other being they treated you like shit.” I tell him.

“It’s not something I couldn’t have dealt with, but for you I tried to ignore it, unless they came after me alone.” He tells me.

“What do you mean by that?” I ask.

“You know about what Michael said when you introduced us, but it wasn’t the only time I dealt with him or Deb making sure to explain to me how unwelcome I was in your life. You surprised me when you didn’t come home and jump my shit for kicking Michael out of the house. Then didn’t at Ben’s funeral.” He tells me.

“When Michael showed up telling me you kicked him out of the house, I didn’t like that he thought you didn’t have a right to tell him he wasn’t welcome in our home. He called me in the middle of a meeting, telling me that he wanted to help you set up Cameron’s room, and I told him to leave you alone. So when he showed up acting like an ass about you telling him to leave, I told him it was your right because it was our home. They didn’t give you a reason to feel welcome at their houses, and I knew it wasn’t something I should expect you to do either. At the funeral, I didn’t know what the hell was going on in the bathroom, only that you were pissed and I just didn’t understand why you couldn’t leave Michael alone when his husband just died. It was easier just to deal with getting through the funeral, then talking to you later, which never happened because Michael started talking about how he wanted to die with Ben. You were already pissed at me over Hunter, so I stayed when Deb guilted me into taking care of Michael. Where did you go that day?” I ask.

“I took Hunter to the lookout so he could say good-bye to Ben in a way Ben would have liked. Hunter didn’t understand why nothing was done in a way Ben would have wanted it. He didn’t want to go back to Deb’s or Michael’s house because he didn’t feel like they cared he was there. He stayed with me and told me that he didn’t know how he was going to pay for college without Ben, and it didn’t surprise me that he didn’t even think to depend on Michael. I found out that Ben had taken care of it for Hunter, which was one thing that he did right as far as Hunter was concerned.” He tells me.

“That explains why he didn’t include Hunter in his will.” I tell him.

“Most likely because he knew it would piss off Michael for daring to not leave everything to him.” He says with a touch of bitterness.

“Likely, but he also made it so I thought Michael was helping Hunter, while not understanding why Hunter was being a brat to Michael. I question Ben’s motives a lot lately. He put me in charge of the money he left Michael, and apparently Michael lied about the money he told me he needed for Hunter. Which I honestly don’t give a shit about anymore. Ted is going to help me hand over everything to Michael, since Ben didn’t stipulate I had to oversee it.” I tell him.

“You think Michael won’t try to use that as a reason to keep you where he wants you?” He asks.

“I don’t care if he does, because I won’t let Michael be another reason I lose your trust in us.” I tell him.

“I’m trying to believe you, but it’s not easy, after not just this year but the whole time we’ve been together. Hunter told me last night that  trust was something we could rebuild, and I at least want that, if nothing else. I miss our life, but I can’t go back to the way it was. Rationally I know you love me, but when Michael is around it doesn’t matter what I know, because you become this person that I can’t even respect.” He tells me.

“Maybe it’s time we start over, without all the baggage. Deb and Michael are out of my life, because my relationship with them isn’t a healthy relationship. Neither of them were even concerned about why I landed in the hospital. It was about them and wanting to get you out, not about what happened to me. It’s the way they’ve always been, but I didn’t allow myself to see it, because they were the only family I had until you.” I tell him.

“They aren’t going to go quietly, I know they’ve been calling you the whole time. I felt your phone going off the whole time you were trying to stop me from ripping into Mel.” He tells me.

“I’m changing my number and I think it would be good if we changed all the numbers they have. It won’t make them stop trying to show up, but it’s something to at least stop them for now. I’m going to tell Cynthia and Ted that Michael and Deb aren’t allowed to come to Kinnetik, which I’m sure will help me make up for some of the shit to Cynthia. I don’t want to ask, but with the shit Mel just did, we don’t need them showing up here either. I don’t want Mel’s problem with me becoming your problem.” I tell him.

“She did that on her own, by thinking she had the right to tell me what to do in my house. Which reminds me, can you explain who told you about the way she talks in front of Jenny?” He ask, once again proving he never misses anything.

“Lindsay would mention it when she called and wanted me to pay for something that she and Mel couldn’t afford. She made it sound like the reason Mel was complaining was because Michael wasn’t helping out. Right now she’s likely hoping Mel doesn’t find out where all the extra money was coming from.” I tell him.

“How much were you giving her?” He asks.

“Over time, no more than what I paid them for Gus. I didn’t want Jenny to go without things that Gus had. Why?” I ask.

“Lindsay never stopped Mel from saying shit about you, yet she was coming to you to help out, never once telling Mel and me that you were. She didn’t join Mel in her rants about you, but she also didn’t tell Mel that it was you who supported their household.” He tells me.

“I guess they’ll have more reason to rant about me. I won’t let Jenny go without things, but I’m also not going to let Lindsay hide where the money came from. If Mel tries to force Gus to live with them, then she needs to know the facts, not Lindsay’s version of them.” I tell him.

“I had Daphne check about that for me.” He tells me.

“She told me, and even if Mel wants to try, Gus is going to be eighteen soon and I doubt she could get it to court.” I tell him.

“Well at least one good thing came out of all this.” He tells me.

“What’s that?” I ask.

“Gus is too pissed at Mel and Lindsay to remember being pissed at you right now.” He tells me.

“What about you?” I ask.

“It feels good to see you being you, the rest, we need time to deal with.” Justin tells me as Cameron comes walking in with his blanket.

“Nap, Dada.” Cameron tells me, climbing in my lap.

“Both of you need one. Why not take him to my room and lay down. I’ll have lunch ready, that you are going to eat when you to get up.” Justin orders.

“I guess we nap, baby boy.” I tell Cameron, going to Justin’s room.

JUSTIN

Daphne was sitting at the table, looking as if she wanted to confess her sins. Nick took Gus out to throw a football, telling me Daphne wanted to talk to me alone. I grabbed cups and poured us both coffee. Our friendship had been strained for a while, even though we both ignored it, we both knew it.

“Are you going to try again with Brian?” She asks.

“I’m not ruling it out, but I can see things I did as well as what he did.” I tell her.

“Nick and I talked about my part in it all. I can see where I wasn’t fair to Brian, your birthday party was pretty shitty of me. I wanted him to show up because I knew you guys were having problems, and when he didn’t. I felt like shit because it caused everyone to ruin your birthday by complaining about Brian. It pissed me off and I joined in, to excuse the fact that I hurt you.” She tells me.

“Which I need for you to stop. Just like Mel, I don’t want Gus and Cameron to hear anything that makes them view Brian as anything but the father that loves them. I don’t care what you say to me, but hurt them and you can join Mel.” I tell her.

“I shouldn’t say anything to you either, because you never once said anything about Nick.” She tells me.

“I never said anything because there was nothing to say about him. I can’t say what I would have done if he wasn’t the man he is. You got one of the good guys.” I tell her.

“Brian loves you, don’t ever doubt that what he did this last year will never make sense to me, because it’s the one thing I knew, that he loves you.” She tells me.

“Love wasn’t our problem.” I tell her.

“Is he still going to want Michael around?” She asks.

“He says no, but we both know Michael will be waiting around every corner.” I tell her.

“We could get Nick to send the team after them.” She jokes

“They’d do it, since they like Justin.” Nick snickers, with Gus laughing behind him.

“Thanks, but I think it’s better not to call out the troops.” I tell them, hugging Daphne as she giggles. 

BRIAN

BRIAN

When Justin agreed to counseling, he also told me that it might be better to see someone where he didn’t have to be careful about revealing anything we needed to talk about. He told me we needed to get everything out in the open, and that would require someone who was approved. It took us a couple of days before we were sent a list of people who were cleared. The list only contained a few names, one of which was Alex Wilder. I had to wonder why, in a city as big as Pittsburgh, and with as many counselors as there were, the list was so small. I never really believed in counseling, because I knew my problems and talking about them didn’t change them. Only this time, it wasn’t just about me, but us and our marriage. 

Alex smiled when we came in, letting us sit where we wanted. He told us if we needed a break to ask for one, and we’d stop until we were ready to talk again. I didn’t know where to start, so I asked him why he was on the list. 

“It’s not because there was anything wrong with all the other therapists. In my case, I’ve done this before with other people who worked for the government and agreed to the stipulations. Which we also need to discuss. One is that anything to do with anything Justin’s done in the past is included in a report sent to them. It will not include anything about your relationship, just so we are clear, and it was agreed when they told me you would be the patient, that anything I send, you get to read before it leaves my office.” He tells me.

“They want to know what Justin says?” I ask.

“It’s something I agreed to from the beginning. They want to make sure the people working for them don’t compromise themselves, and it’s also to make sure we get help if we need it. Nick’s team sees someone after every mission. I’ll admit, at first I thought it was a waste of time, since what I do wasn’t as dangerous, but it helped that I had someone to talk to. Other than Nick, you know more than the people in my life, which I know you don’t think you do.” Justin tells me.

“Let’s get started, our session will be longer today, but I don’t want to go past two hours. Only because it can get taxing to tell each other things. Normally each appointment is no longer than an hour at most, but I don’t want you to feel like there was a clock over your head, we end our sessions when you both want it to. Brian, one of the things we are going to do, since we do know each other and I know a lot about your life, is that I want you to put aside what I know and treat me like we just met. I know you're both here to work through the problems that have led to Justin filing for divorce. My first question is - are you both committed to trying to avoid the end of your marriage, or are you here because you want to be able to be friends after the divorce?” Alex asks.

“I don’t want the divorce, I want to figure out how to regain the trust I lost with Justin and my children.” I tell him.

“I want to stay married to Brian, because I love him. It’s just not easy for me to believe he won’t end up letting other people cause the same problems they have since the beginning.” Justin tells him.

“I’m assuming this has to do with Brian’s friends?” He asks.

“Yes, but after the last couple of days, I have to include my friends too.” Justin tells him.

“You both feel like there’s blame to go around?” He asks.

“We were happy until I let Michael’s problems become mine.” I tell Justin, who shook his head no.

“You don’t agree?” Alex asks Justin.

“Michael’s problems have always seemed to fall on Brian, even when Ben was alive. It’s one of the reasons I stayed away after we broke up the first time. I got tired of the way, that if Michael said something, Brian believed him, never questioning it. There was also an unspoken rule with his friends that no one said anything to upset Michael. I started changing who I was; which has never been quietly taking bullshit from anyone.” Justin tells us.

“Why take it from Michael?” Alex asks.

“Because in the beginning, we weren’t more than two guys who liked fucking each other. I didn’t see any reason to worry about the shit Michael did. When Brian and I got back together, Michael wasn’t the reason we ended it.” Justin tells him.

“So Michael isn’t the only problem?” Alex asks him.

“He didn’t help, but there were other things too. I had problems with Brian’s double standards from beginning to end. We agreed to an open relationship, which caused the people in his life to make sure I knew he didn’t pine away for me when I was away. I dealt with it, never letting it cause problems between us. Only Brian couldn’t do the same, which led to our second separation from each other. When we got back together again, I was ready to end it the night at Deb’s house, because I was frustrated with everything. That was the night he proposed. I ended up saying yes, instead of walking away.” He tells us.

“Normally the answer would be no if that was how you were feeling. Why say yes?” Alex asks.

“I didn’t want to leave, but for him to give me a reason to stay. Only it left this doubt in my head as to why he did it. His friends would constantly take bets on how long we’d stay together, so why would he want to propose in front of them?” Justin tells me.

“Brian, before you answer Justin, I need to ask Justin a question.” Alex tells me, saving me, since I didn’t really want him to hear why I proposed that night. “Was there a reason Michael bothered you more than Brian’s other friends, who in essence weren’t being very supportive of you two by making bets?” 

“It wasn’t fun to hear, but they all did that kind of thing to each other, so in a way it was more annoying than upsetting. Michael, on the other hand, always made sure I understood exactly how he felt.” Justin tells him.

“Brian, you want to answer Justin now?” He asks.

“I didn’t plan to propose that night. I did plan to ask, just not that night.” I tell Justin.

“So, why did you?” Alex asks, what Justin waited in silence for.

“I knew he was going to walk away again. And I knew if he left this time, he wasn’t coming back.” I tell him.

“Was that true at the time?” Alex asks Justin.

“Yes.” Justin tells us.

“Yet you said yes and stayed.” Alex reminds us. “How was your marriage before everything that happened?” 

“Good, we fought sometimes but it wasn’t anything memorable.” I tell him.

“Was that how you saw it?” Alex asks Justin.

“Pretty much, I mean I wasn’t thrilled when Deb and Michael showed up. I knew Brian tried to make a point of not inviting them often.” Justin tells him.

“What happened when they came over? I want you to answer that Brian.” Alex tells me.

“They treated Justin as if he was the hired help, while they made themselves at home. I let myself believe they treated my home the way the gang treated Deb’s house. When I ended up in the hospital, I realized they never used Justin’s name.” I tell him.

“What did they use instead?” Alex asks us.

“Him, my husband, and other things that I won’t repeat.” I tell him.

“They usually just didn’t acknowledge I was there, but if they had to, they talked around me.” Justin tells him. 

“That didn’t bother you.” Alex asks me.

“Justin no longer complained about it. Not that he complained about it often anyway. Instead he let his silence do all his talking, to the point where I did the same thing. We still talked to each other, and Justin didn’t seem to have a problem with anyone but Michael and Deb.” I tell him.

“Were they the only friends you had a problem with?” Alex asks Justin.

“I wasn’t best friends with his other friends at first, but over time I grew to really like and respect them. Michael and I started off in a bad place, and it only got worse over time. I didn’t feel like I could say anything to Brian, because he’d make me feel like it was my fault for not trying harder to get them to like me. If Michael or Deb said something, he found a way to see it as them being right about me. Right now, Brian says they’re out of his life, but after years of Deb and Michael being able to find a way to get Brian to do what they want, I have a hard time believing they won’t again. It’s why I don’t ask him to choose, because I want him to do it without it some day being something he could throw back at me.” He tells Alex.

“If Justin asked you to choose, what would your answer have been?” He asks.

“I chose him, the one time he asked.” I tell him.

“When I asked Michael not be included in our wedding?” Justin asks.

“It wasn’t a lot to ask, when it was supposed to be a day for us.” I tell him.

“Can we stop?” Justin asks, tears in his eyes.

“I think we’ve made a good start, but if you need to talk then don’t wait for your next appointment.” Alex tells us.

Justin and I agreed to set the next appointment before I started chemo. We didn’t talk the whole way to his house. Gus opened the door, looking angry, then asked if I could talk to him outside. 

“I don’t want Cameron to think I’m mad at Dad, which I’m not.” Gus tells Justin.

“I’ll fix lunch, if you need me just come get me.” Justin tells us.

Gus walked until we reached the end of the driveway. He paced around for a couple minutes, before looking at me.

“What is wrong with my parents? It’s the question I ask myself every time one of you does something completely stupid. What you did pissed me off, but only because Deb and Michael treat everything they do for someone as a debt that you will owe them the rest of your life, and you let them. Mom and Mama, make me wish I was an immaculate conception!” He tells me.

“What did they do now?” I ask, not even touching anything about me, since he wasn’t really mad at me.

“Right now it’s Mom, she… she… Jesus, I can’t even believe she did it.” Gus tells me, pacing again. “She was getting money from you and telling Mama that Michael was giving it to them. She even told Mama it was up to you what they got for Jenny, and that you were tired of Mel saying shit about you. Only now she’s worried, because, like a total blonde to her roots, she found out that you were going to make Michael deal with his own shit for a change. Which means Mama could find out that the money came from you, and well, Mama wouldn’t be happy that Mom lied her ass off and that you gave her more than Mama knows about for Jenny. Want to hear the best part? She went to talk to Michael, and gave him this address when Michael demanded it for his silence. Oh wait, there’s more! Guess where she found the fucker? In the other house, making himself at home.” Gus tells me.

“I need to talk to Jen.” I tell him.

“Did you not hear what Mom did?” Gus asks.

“I did. But right now I need to call and report that Michael was breaking and entering. Then I need Jen to sell the house, since we won’t be living there anymore.” I tell him.

“I’m sorry I told Justin to leave you. I just wanted him to be happy again.” Gus tells me.

“Gus, he didn’t leave because you told him to, but because the marriage wasn’t working. If it helps, we decided to try to work things out.” I tell him.

“I feel guilty that I told him you weren’t worth the shit we were dealing with.” Gus tells me.

“Gus, nothing you did made Justin walk away. That’s all on me.” I tell him.

“Just give him a reason to stay this time.” Gus asks me, wrapping his arms around me.

“I promise, Sonny Boy.” I tell him.

Gus went in when Cameron yelled at us that Daddy ordered everyone to eat. I waited for Gus to go in before I made the call that would have Deb screaming all over Liberty Avenue. I also called and warned Ted and Emmett, since they took care of my family while I was off being the asshole Mel and Deb love to tell everyone I am. For the first time, with my next call I didn’t spare a thought to Lindsay’s feelings or Mel’s belief that I was all the reasons her marriage had problems.

“What do you want?” Mel growls, as soon as she answers her phone.

“Just to let you know that since Lindsay decided to tell Michael where Justin lives, that you will get a fax from Ted detailing every cent I paid to take care of your daughter. Fuck you, too.” I tell her, hanging up on her.

MEL

EMMETT

HUNTER

Jenny begged me to let her stay with Gus, instead of coming with me to see Mel. Brian was waiting outside when I left. I figured he’d question me eventually. There was a time when I saw Brian the way Michael does, but over time that faded, because I figured out something Michael never did. Brian was like every other person with flaws, and honestly, the day he brought Justin to meet everyone, only a blind man wouldn’t have seen that Justin owned Brian. Of course, it didn’t really surprise me that Michael was blind to that fact. 

“You and Justin still hang out?” He asks me.

“He told me the first time we really talked, that I could come to him if I needed anything. I made sure to be the friend to him that he was to me. He started calling me when he needed someone to talk to; someone that didn’t offer their unwanted advice.” I tell him.

“I didn’t know you two stayed in touch.” He tells me, sounding... jealous?

“After we spent time together, I figured out he wasn’t the person Deb and Michael made him out to be. He didn’t think he was better than us, he just didn’t waste his time with people who treated him like crap. Which should tell you something, if he hasn’t given up on you yet.” I tell him, getting in my car and driving to Mel’s cousin’s house.

Mel came outside, saying her cousin didn’t like strangers in their home. We sat on the steps. At first I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to start a fight with her. Only I kept seeing Jenny at my door, saying she was tired of the moms. When Jenny first came along, I was jealous of all the attention everyone paid to her. It wasn’t like it was with Gus; everyone paid attention to Gus, but not the way they did with Jenny. Brian always made sure Gus didn’t feel it. Justin didn’t come around when he and Brian got serious, but I noticed more often than not that Gus would take off with Justin when he dropped Brian off at dinners. Lindsay would dote on Gus when Brian was there, making sure to piss off Mel, but would leave him to Brian when Deb and Michael started in on Mel about Jenny. She seemed to enjoy the way Deb and Michael criticized Mel for anything related to Jenny. I really didn’t think a lot of Lindsay, she was never nasty or anything to me, just didn’t really bother to try to know me beyond the superficial things. I didn’t care, because Lindsay treated Jenny the same as Gus. And even if I didn’t agree with the shit Mel said, she equally put down both Brian and Michael, never realizing Gus and Jenny didn’t need to hear her doing it.

“Jenny doesn’t want to stay with either of you. I’m asking you to let her stay with me, at least until you and Lindsay get your shit settled. Which you should understand, since you and Lindsay demanded Gus come home for the same reason.” I tell her.

“I doubt the college is going to be happy about Jenny staying in your dorm room.” Mel tells me.

“I moved into an apartment next to the campus last semester. There’s an extra room for her to use.” I tell her.

“How did you afford that?” She asks..

“Ben paid off my college tuition, and Justin and I worked out an agreement where he’d pay for an apartment for me until I finished school. He tried to just pay for it, but I don’t want to use him and Brian as if they should have to pay for my ass.” I tell her, wanting to see how she reacted.

“I never wanted Brian to pay for anything. And regardless of what Deb thinks, I didn’t want money from Michael either.” She tells me.

“Then pay them back. No one said you had to take anything. It’s why I wouldn’t take the money for my expenses, unless Justin agreed to consider it a loan. If it bothered you so much, you could have just returned the money, no one made you take it. It’s not like Brian held it over you or Lindsay’s head either, yet you act like he did.” I tell her.

“How the fuck does he do it, get everyone to act like he’s some kind of hero? He leaves his family behind and no one acts like it matters. Then Justin just forgets all the shit and lets the asshole come home. He never has to face the bullshit he does.” She tells me.

“You don’t have a fucking clue, as usual. Justin didn’t forget anything that happened, but right now Brian needs them to help him. Just like Brian would, Justin takes care of the people he loves. In truth, I don’t see why you think it’s some slight on you every time Brian does something you seem to think he should be punished for. It has nothing to do with you.” I tell her.

“I’m Gus’s mother, but somehow Brian’s more important to him.” She argues.

“Gus spent half his life with you putting Brian down, and never once has he had to hear Brian say shit about you. If I was him I wouldn’t really want to be around you either. Why do you think he needs to choose between Brian and you? I grew up with no one giving a shit about me, so the idea of having four parents that care sounds like my dreams on the nights I hid from the fucking Johns my mother sold me too.” I tell her.

“You had Michael and Ben.” She says, as if that changed everything.

“I had Ben. Michael was okay at first, only, like a kid with a toy, I got tossed aside for his new one. Then Jenny eventually got tossed aside for Michael’s favorite toy, which she can see for herself and doesn’t need you pointing out how unwanted she is. Of course, she really doesn’t feel all that wanted by you or Lindsay; since the minute you two started in on each other again, neither of you gave a shit that she took a bus across town to find me. I’m asking for my sister that you let her stay with me. She doesn’t need to be more disappointed in you and have to watch you destroy everything in your life, forgetting that your children need you. You keep saying Brian never has to deal with shit, but when you run away from your life, what do you call what you do? Brian didn’t leave Justin with no way to take care of himself, the way you did and do with Lindsay. Yeah, he didn’t show up for the kids birthdays, but then you barely bothered to remember the son you ran around getting pissed that Brian was the father of, and always will be. He’s not a hero, but a man with flaws the same as all of us. What he did with Michael this last year, yeah it was shitty to Justin and the kids, but not to you or anyone else.” I tell her.

“Justin shouldn’t encourage Gus to forgive the asshole.” She tells me.

“I let Justin know that he shouldn’t encourage Gus to forgive any of his PARENTS for the shit they do. Since he’s pissed at you and Lindsay, that should be all kinds of fun for you. Since this conversation is making me wonder why I ever thought you were open minded about anything, I’d just like your permission to keep Jenny.” I tell her.

“She should be with me and Lindsay.” She tells me.

“Yes, she should, but right now all she wants is to be anywhere but with either of you. As her brother, I want what makes my sister happy. Possibly that is foreign to you, but for me it’s all that matters, that Jenny is happy.” I tell her.

“Deb thinks Jenny should have to stay with her and Michael, according to our custody agreement.” She says, changing the subject when she got uncomfortable with what I was saying.

“Which only Michael can enforce, so I don’t see it as a problem for you. Deb can say what she wants, but anything that takes Michael away from Brian won’t happen.” I tell her.

“I’ve made a mess of everything haven’t I?” She tells me.

“Maybe you should figure out why. But for now it would be better for Jenny not to have to be around you guys.” I tell her.

“Okay. But when Jenny needs anything, you call me and I’ll take care of it. Don’t call Michael or Deb.” She tells me.

“I wouldn’t go to Deb and Michael, they would only treat it like you owe them. It’s why I stopped talking to them, they never let me forget where I came from and how they saved me.” I tell her, leaving.

DEB

Brian fucking changed his number, like that’ll fucking stop me. I hung up the phone when Kiki came in and asked me why Michael was put in jail. She blanched when I asked her what the hell she was talking about.

“One of the hustlers said Michael got hauled in yesterday. I figured you knew.” Kiki tells me.

“If he was put in jail, he would’ve called me. You need to tell whoever told you that to stop spreading lies.” I tell her.

“Why would they bother to lie, they don’t really give a shit about Michael?” She shrugged, walking away from me.

As the diner filled up, a few of the others mentioned seeing Michael in the back of a squad car, waiting to see what I would say. When I assured them it wasn’t Michael, they all looked at me as if they felt bad telling me something I didn’t know. I left to look for Michael after the breakfast rush was over. He wasn’t at his store or house, and when I called Brian’s house the person who answered told me no one but the cleaning service was there. The police station was quiet when I walked in, and I saw my old boyfriend Carl talking to the woman he started dating after leaving me. 

Carl didn’t like hearing what I thought about his parenting, but seemed to think it was alright to tell me it was time to cut the apron strings to my son. I didn’t feel he had the right to preach to me when he hadn’t had a relationship with either of his kids in years. Carl saw me and walked by, escorting my replacement out the door. I waited, but when he came back in he acted as if he hadn’t seen me at all.

“Don’t ignore me.” I tell Carl.

“If you need something the desk sergeant is standing in front of you. I’m no longer at your beck and call.” Carl tells me.

“Is Michael here?” I ask him.

“Like I said, if you need information, talk to the desk sergeant.” Carl says, going in his office and closing his door.

“Well is someone going to answer me?!” I ask loudly.

“Not if you plan to shout the house down.” Sergeant Cannon tells me.

I took a deep breath and walked up to the desk. “Is my son here?” I ask, through gritted teeth.

“Name?” He asks.

“You fucking know his name.” I tell him.

“Like Detective Horvath's said, none of us are at your beck and call. Name?” He smirks at me.

I wanted to slap that smirk off his face, the fucker hated that Carl stopped ignoring the homophobic comments slung around because of me. 

“Michael Novotny, my son.” I tell him.

“Let me check.” He tells me, looking in the computer as if he didn’t know who I was talking about. I stood there getting pissed and decided Michael wasn’t here and Cannon was just wasting my time.

“He was booked yesterday.” He finally tells me.

“For what?” I yelled.

“Breaking and Entering.” He tells me.

“Bullshit. Not my son.” I tell him.

“According to this, the charge is breaking and entering a private residence, while doing damage to the residence.” He tells me.

“Really, and because he was my son you denied him a phone call?” I ask, glaring at him.

“Actually he was granted three calls, two more than most prisoners, and only because Detective Horvath asked that we let him make whatever calls he needed.” He tells me.

“I want to see him.” I tell him.

He led me to a room and told me to wait while he brought Michael in. Michael was brought in with handcuffs, and the officer left us alone. Cannon told me Michael was here, hell half the diner told me, but I couldn’t believe it.

“Hey Ma.” Michael greets me.

“Why the hell didn’t you call me?” I ask.

“I wasted all the calls trying to find Brian’s new number.” He pouts.

“Son, we’ll deal with Brian after you tell me why they charged you with breaking and entering.” I tell him.

“That fucking whore called the police, I know he did. They said I didn’t have a right to be in my home.” I tell her.

“You were arrested for being in your house?” I ask, confused.

“I was at Brian’s, I was working on making it my house, getting rid of the whore’s things. Then Ted showed up with the police and I got kicked out of my home.” Michael tells me.

“Justin had you arrested?” I ask, ready to go after the shit.

“Who else? Brian wouldn’t do it. It’s all Justin’s fault that Brian isn’t at my side taking care of me and keeping all the promises he made to me. Well, he’ll see what happens when Brian finds out what he did.” Michael tells me.

“You should have called me. Let me see what I can do to get you out of here.” I tell him, going back out as they take Michael to his cell.

“You need to get Brian Kinney on the phone and tell him to clear this shit up.” I tell Carl, barging into his office.

“Brian knows, since he’s the one who asked us to arrest your son. Now I have work to do.” Carl tells me, dismissing me.

“I want Michael out now.” I order him.

“Take it up with the front desk.” Carl tells me, waving me out of his office.

“This is complete bullshit, all of it. Michael has always been welcome in every part of Brian’s life. That piece of shit Brian married is only trying to make Michael pay for Brian helping my son.” I tell him.

“It’s somehow always someone other than your son.” He sighs. “Regardless of what you want to believe, Brian was the one who called us to have him removed. Standing here protesting won’t change that Michael was arrested for being on Brian’s property without permission from either him or Justin. I have work to do, so if you have anymore questions, ask Sergeant Cannon.” He tells me.

“You once gave a shit about me.” I tell him.

“Until I figured out the only person you who matters to you is Michael.” He tells me, pushing me out of his office and slamming his door.

Sergeant Cannon let me know Michael’s bail, which was more than I had. I left, deciding that Ted was going to help, since he helped the shit put Michael in jail. I got to Kinnetik, marched straight up to Cynthia and demanded to see Brian and Ted in Brian’s office. She gave me that fake smile and asked me to wait while she found out where they were. I stood there, tapping my foot. 

A couple minutes later two large men came up and asked me to leave. I stood my ground, letting them all know I wasn’t leaving until I spoke to Brian or Ted.

BRIAN

Ted and I were going over accounts and financials when the shouting interrupted the whole building. We walked out of the office, and Deb glared at both Ted and me. Before she could say a word, I signaled to the guards to escort her out.

“Has Ted told you where Michael is?” Deb asks, ignoring the men trying to get her to leave.

“Make sure she’s barred from the building.” I tell the guards, not speaking to Deb.

“Brian, I took care of you, and this isn’t how you repay me.” Deb shouts.

She finally admitted the truth, that everything she ever did for me was to keep me indebted to her. Only, the pain that should have come with hearing those words didn’t happen. I went back into my office, ignoring her protests as she was taken out of the building. With those words she freed me from any belief that she was the mother I had built her up to be in my head. Ted came in, sitting down as if he was waiting for me to go off.

“Justin agreed to keep helping here while I go through treatment. I’m still going to be available if you need me.” I tell Ted.

“Good to know.” Ted tells me, following my lead and picking up the paperwork to finish going over things.

BRIAN 

Two days after Deb was removed from Kinnetik I could no longer pretend it didn’t bother me. I started questioning everything she ever did, then the itch to drown out everything started and I jumped on Justin’s ass for handing me another shake. I wanted to get rip roaring drunk and yell at Justin for coming into my life. For giving me a reason to give a shit about anything. I couldn’t do what I used to and lose myself in sin and vice, because if I did, Justin might finally give up on me. Instead I held it in, hating myself for even thinking that none of this shit would have happened if I hadn’t fallen irrevocably in love with him. That was the thought that stopped me, that I would be blaming him for the other people in my life. Blaming him because he saw something about Deb and Michael that I refused to believe. 

Alex made time to see me, and Justin thought it would be better if I talked to Alex alone. He didn’t want me holding back for fear of upsetting him, and I was relieved he didn’t push to be there. Before I went into the office, I called him.

“Thank you for not pushing.” I tell him, hanging up.

Alex sat in the opposite chair, waiting for me to talk. Like Justin, he waited for me to be ready.

“I tried to tell myself I didn’t care.” I tell him. 

“Can you explain what you mean buy that?” He asks. 

“That I didn’t care that Deb and Michael were using me all my life.” I tell him. 

“How did you decide they were? And remember what I said. We are talking as if I didn't know you or anyone you know.” He tells me. 

“After I had Deb removed from Kinnetik, I wanted to believe that I didn't give a shit that I was nothing more to Deb than Michael’s keeper. Only, I started blaming Justin for opening my eyes, and like everything else, none of it was his fault, but mine.” I tell him.

“Brian, I’m going to break the rules for a second. One of the things that I’ve personally witnessed when Deb and Michael were around not only you, but the rest of the gang, was Deb’s way of getting all of you to believe that if it wasn’t for you or one of the guys, Michael wouldn’t do the things he does. Another thing you have to remember is that you came from a history of abuse, and what Deb was offering would have been hard for you to see as anything but kindness. The biggest problem you are dealing with is that you were being taught by Deb that love came with conditions. From the things I’ve heard about you and Justin, what you had with Justin would have been confusing for you, which is something only you can tell me if it’s true.” He tells me.

“He never really pushed me to do anything, it was more me pushing him. When he told me no, it just made me want to make him change his mind. He was the first person that I didn’t care if I broke all my rules for.” I tell him.

“In what ways?” He asks.

“I kept showing up wherever he was until he agreed to a date. Then I spent all my time trying to find out anything anyone knew about him. I got his number from Lindsay, showing up when I knew he’d be somewhere. In general, I stalked his ass.” I smile.

“What was it about him that made you do it?” He asks.

“He doesn’t see himself as the person he is. He befriended Gus for no other reason than he loves my son… our son. When he disappeared, his first thoughts were to make sure my son knew he was okay. He didn’t hold the shit I did the first time we broke up against me when we got back together.” I tell him.

“What happened to break you up when you were first together?” He asks.

“We aren’t going to talk about Deb and Michael?” I ask, not really wanting to say it was me being a jealous asshole.

“We are going to talk about them, but first I want to hear what happened.” He tells me.

“Justin stayed friends with guys he tricked with, so we’d occasionally run into them. When I went to see Justin after he left for a job, I ended up screwing the guy who pissed me off by touching Justin like he owned him.” I tell him.

“Was Justin letting him do it to make you jealous?” He asks.

“I doubt Justin really thought anything about the way the guy was acting. It wasn’t anything more than what he deals with at shows when people circle around him. It was me being pissed for being jealous that someone touched him.” I tell him.

“Justin broke up with you after he found out?” He asks.

“He walked in on it, but he waited until I told him why I did it. Then he dumped my ass, because he didn’t make an issue out of my tricks.” I tell him.

“When you and he got back together, it was after the accident?” He asks.

“A few months after, Lindsay told me where he’d be. He’d been avoiding my calls. So when Gus told me he saw Justin, I knew at that point if I wanted him back, calling him wouldn’t work.” I tell him.

“Did he tell you why he avoided talking to you?” He asks.

“I never asked, since we agreed to try again. Only, maybe I should have. It led to me having problems with him not telling me things.” I tell him.

“Like what happened to him?” He asks.

“It bothered me that he didn’t talk about it, but it was also the way he seemed to have this life with me, and another one without me. I got pissed when it felt like he was keeping shit from me, but knew all about my life. I practically threw him out the door, not realizing that the next time I saw him, he wouldn’t even remember me.” I tell him.

“What was it like for you to know he forgot only you?” He asks.

“I felt like he erased me because everything I did to him was shit.” I tell him.

“Was that how he described your relationship when he remembered?” He asks.

“All he really said was that he was late coming home.” I tell him, smiling.

“Justin never made you feel like in order for him to love you, you had to play a certain role. Something you were taught to believe, by the two people who were the first people to say they loved you. It’s why I wanted to talk to you about Justin first; to show you the difference in what Deb and Michael call love, and what you experienced with Justin. Earlier you mentioned that you started to blame Justin for making you see the truth about Michael and Deb. Why did you place your anger on Justin?” He tells me.

“It’s irrational, but until we met, what they did never bothered me.” I tell him.

“You had nothing invested in anyone before Justin. One of the things we need to deal with is how unhealthy your relationship with Michael and Deb was. Even if you ignored how Justin was dealing with it, you’ve never been oblivious to it. You knew what Michael spent most of his life wanting what you gave to Justin. You said earlier you had a problem with the possessiveness that a former trick of Justin’s displayed. Was it any different than what Justin would have dealt with when it came to Michael and Deb?” He asks.

“I never fucked Michael.” I tell him.

“Why didn’t you?” He asks.

“He would have thought it meant more, when in the end it wouldn’t have been any different to me than a trick. If he understood the rules… hell, I just never wanted him. It’s why I pushed Michael to find someone, so he wouldn’t waste his life waiting for something I never promised him.” I tell him.

“Michael was allowed to have the life he wanted without having Ben subjected to what Michael was doing to Justin. Deb, while wanting you to make sure Michael had everything he wanted, didn’t care how it affected you. Why would she care? Because if Justin got your attention than who would be there to take care of Michael? It certainly wasn’t Ben’s job, even being the man who married Michael. Instead, Deb expected you to do everything Michael’s husband was suppose to do. When Ben left you in charge of everything concerning Michael, why not just refuse?” He asks.

“Because I knew when he blew through the money, he and Deb would expect me to support him. Something they’ve always expected from me. I was tired of feeling like a fucking bank to my friends.” I tell him.

“All your friends?” He ask.

“Ted and Emmett never asked for anything. Normally I had to find way to help them without them figuring it out. Justin came into this marriage my equal, financially.” I tell him.

“I noticed you didn’t name four others.” He tells me.

“I gave Lindsay and Mel the money, because they were supporting my son. When Lindsay called because Michael wasn’t helping, I did it for Jenny. Deb never asked for money, but didn’t turn it down when I left envelopes for her. The same way St Joan conveniently forgets all the reasons my soul needs saving when she takes money from me. When Ben put me in charge, Michael was no longer asking me for money, but using the money Ben left to take care of him. So I said yes, because for once, our friendship wasn’t Michael being the fucking golddigger he accuses Justin of being.” I tell him.

“I want to ask you about everything you just said. First taking care of Gus wasn’t just your responsibility. Lindsay and Mel wanted a child, the agreement in the beginning was what?” He asks.

“That I wasn’t going to be involved.” I tell him.

“When did they first come to you to help out financially?” He asks.

“Pretty much from the beginning. I paid for everything up to Gus’s birth. Then I paid for anything Gus needed that Lindsay and Mel couldn’t afford. Why are you bringing this up?” I ask.

“Because you did, and I think it’s not just about Deb and Michael for you. I think one of the problems you and Justin have stems from your past relationships with the people closest to you. In truth, I don’t need to ask you about Michael and Deb, or even Ben. I’ve seen it first hand, but it’s not about how I see it. You said you didn’t want to care about them, but for you that would be impossible.” He tells me.

“I spent my life not giving a shit.” I tell him.

“Then explain why, when any of your friends needed something you made sure they had it. If you didn’t give a shit, you wouldn’t have bothered. One of the things you can never be accused of, is not giving a shit. In a way, you care to deeply about the people around you, and you learned from childhood to hide care as indifference.” He tells me.

“So leaving Justin to take care of everything was my way of showing I care?” I ask, sarcastically. “Was skipping out on my childrens birthdays, how I fucking care? Was leaving Justin to believe that Michael was right, me saying I love you.” I sneered.

“Was it? Or was it that you couldn’t understand why Justin didn’t demand the way everyone else does? Did it make you question if he really loved you?” He asks.

“It’s the one thing I never questioned about Justin, I knew it deep into my soul that he loved me.” I tell him.

“Brian, being angry at Justin might be more about him leaving you without even telling you. You're focusing your attention on what Deb and Michael did, because you don’t want to blame Justin for doing anything to hurt your marriage. Which comes from you blaming yourself most of your life for things that you couldn’t change.” He tells me, shaking his head when I tried to interrupt. “Yes you did things that didn’t help the marriage, but it doesn’t change that Justin did the one thing you’ve feared most of your life, he left you. It’s something Michael, Deb, and even Lindsay could be counted on not to do. I could be wrong, but it just doesn’t really make much sense to blame Justin for being in your life. Unless what you're really angry about was that you almost lost the life he gave you when you met. I can understand the confusion you're feeling in regard to the others, because it’s natural to question yourself when the people that surrounded your life, turn out to be people other than who you thought they were. Only, do you and Justin the favor of talking about it, it’s not a weakness to let him see the things that hurt you. Trust him to do the opposite of what your past taught you happens when someone knows a way to hurt you.” He tells me.

“It’s the one thing I’ve always done, trusted him.” I tell him.

EMMETT

Drew and I showed up at Justin’s house. Drew wanted to check on how Justin was dealing with everything. Ted told me about what happened at Kinnetik, more to warn us that Deb would likely show up trying to round up support for her and Michael. Drew closed the gates to our house and silenced the intercom, saying when she and Michael showed up, he didn’t want them to get past our gates. It wasn’t an if, but a when. Of course, when they did show up they made enough noise that eventually Drew walked outside, telling me to stay in, while he explained to Deb and Michael his point of view. I really wish I could have heard what he said, because whatever it was had Michael pulling Deb away and getting in the car, speeding away. I tried everything to get him to tell me, but he jokingly, at least I hope so, said it was better for me not to know, since I couldn’t testify to anything I didn’t hear. 

When we pulled up to Justin’s house, Drew growled in a way that would scare the shit out of anyone holding a football on the field. The minute I saw Lindsay standing outside with Justin, I figured I could just tell the cops that I thought Drew was showing Lindsay how he tackles people, since the growl reminded me of a bear about to maul someone. Drew wasn’t worried that Justin couldn’t handle anyone, including Deb and Michael. Drew was really the person who opened up my eyes about Justin. He was confused at my less than normal welcome towards Justin. He didn’t say anything until Brian stood in front all of us at Deb’s, telling us that he wanted to marry Justin. I was ashamed of my resistance to get to know him. It wasn’t Michael that made me do it, even though I wanted to believe that was the reason. I even tried to excuse myself with Drew by saying Justin didn’t seem to want to know me. It was the first time Drew looked disappointed in me, and I never wanted to see that look on his face again.

“I can honestly say this is the first time you've ever made excuses like Michael for your behavior.” He told me.

“He barely says anything to us.” I told him.

“Just like you barely act like he's there. It's funny that the only time you talked to him, he protected you.” He told me.

It was really strange to remember that conversation with Justin. Really the first one we said more than two words to each other. All of us had been playing pool, Brian didn’t join us, instead he was all over Justin in a booth in the back corner. We'd dragged Michael with us, because he'd been pissed that Justin showed up. Brian got up to get drinks and I'd been busy messing with Drew’s shot, not really paying attention to Michael’s tantrums or the fact that Michael had walked off. We'd been talking when I heard Justin tell Brian he was leaving, and Brian shrugged it off like he didn’t give a shit. Which wasn’t unusual for him, but it was the smile that suddenly couldn’t be wiped off Michael’s face that made me follow Justin out of the bar. He was getting in his car when I caught up to him.

“Justin, you okay?” I asked. 

“Just tired.” He told me, in a voice that sounded more exasperated than tired.

“Is it Michael?” I asked. 

“Why would you care? It's not like any of you want to believe he's anything but sweet, innocent little Mikey. Which makes me question what kind of naive idiots people can be; but then maybe it's just something about me that pisses him off.” He says opening the car door.

“I know Michael can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but you don't have to take it. If you need me to, I'll tell him to leave you alone.” I told him. 

“Don’t bother, after tonight I won’t be here listening to his bullshit or Brian’s.” He told me.

“Honey, regardless of what Michael does, Brian really seems to want you around.” I told him.

“Really, you think so, because where is he if he wants me around? Oh wait, he’s going dancing with Michael because Michael wants him too.” He told me.

“It’s not like you can’t come too.” I told him.

“Sorry, but being there so Michael has someone to bitch at isn’t how I like spending my evenings. Trust me, you don’t want to put yourself in the position of saying anything that Michael or Deb will take as you defending me. They’re your friends, I’m not.” He told me.

“It still wouldn’t hurt for me to tell Michael to leave you alone.” I told him.

“It would hurt you, so I’d rather you didn’t. In fact, forget that I even said anything to you.” He told me, hopping in the car and speeding off.

When I told Drew about it, he saw it as Justin protecting me, from what the Mom and Son of Liberty Avenue did to anyone who didn’t kiss their feet. It wasn’t until Brian’s speech the night he proposed to Justin, that I knew I needed to apologize for not getting to know him. I didn’t go to Brian, but straight to Justin, which is when I found out he didn’t hold it against me, but was willing to accept my friendship, forgetting the past. He never once brought up anything about the way we treated him, and I found out there was nothing elitist about Justin. He befriended Hunter, who until Ben’s funeral had ignored him. He didn’t see the former street kid, just a kid. In a lot of ways, he and Brian had that in common, not caring where you came from, just the person you are. It’s why I hated what Brian did, because he was throwing away the person that made him the happiest I’d ever seen him, for Michael. 

I looked up at Justin, looking bored with what Lindsay was saying to him, when Drew growled even louder. Drew’s problem was the fact that Lindsay seemed to play at being a parent. Drew and I wanted children, because the idea of raising a child was a gift to us. It bothered him, really both of us, that they could be so careless about the gift they were given. 

Drew got out of the car when Gus opened the front door scowling. Brian pulled up beside us, and I didn’t know who to chase down when Brian slammed his car door, ready to drop kick Lindsay into traffic. Only Justin stopped him.

“Brian, I need you to go pick up something to make for dinner.” He tells Brian, shaking his head when Brian kept walking towards Lindsay.

“Justin.” Brian grated though his teeth.

“Pick up some steaks, please.” Justin asked calmly, walking to him then leaning up and whispering something in Brian’s ear. Which seemed to work, when Brian nodded.

Somehow I ended up in the car with Brian, of course it could have been the fact that he dragged me away. In the car I realized something was bothering Brian more than Lindsay showing up at his door.

“I need you to help Justin, when I start treatment. He’ll kill himself trying to do everything.” He tells me.

“You didn’t even need to ask, Drew and I already talked about it.” I tell him.

“And I need you to keep Gus and Cameron tonight, Justin and I need to talk to each other without the kids hearing us.” He tells me.

“Is everything alright?” I ask, because it didn’t sound like he thought the kids would hear anything good.

“There are things that Justin and I need to talk about, without distractions.” He tells me.

“Brian, it might be better for you and Justin to be somewhere else. Deb’s already running around with Michael, and it’s likely they’ll show up, just to cause trouble. Which Lindsay showing up should tell you.” I tell him. 

“We can’t just take off. The kids don't need that from me again.” He tells me.

“I think it’s more healthy for them to know that you and Justin need time to talk. Maybe being somewhere no one can bother you would make whatever you seem to think could upset Justin, easier to say.” I tell him. 

“How do I tell him that my anger is at him for walking out on me? Which makes me sound like a fucking hypocrite for saying that, after what I did.” He tells me. 

I honestly didn’t expect him to tell me, and looking at him, I don't think he meant to. I sat next to him, a little shocked but also honored he told me.

“Drew and I will stay at the house with the kids, you and Justin leave as soon as we all have dinner. In fact, if you want you can go to our house, since Drew scared Deb and Michael away.” I tell him. 

“Why help me, you weren't exactly happy with me?” He asks. 

“Because even if I'm pissed at the shit you did, I still want you to be happy.” I tell him. 

JUSTIN 

Gus came slamming into the house, not his usual ‘thrilled it was Friday’ attitude. Which is normally him thrilled at the prospect of two days to laze around, playing games with friends all weekend. I wanted him to go back to being a teenager, not spending all his free time with Cameron. Which we talked about this morning before he went to school. I wanted him to make time for the friends he kept skipping out on to be with Cameron. Gus had become an adult practically overnight, and I felt like shit that he was making up excuses for not going out with his friends almost every weekend. It made me feel better when he left, looking forward to going out tonight. So when he came in slamming the door and throwing his keys across the hall, my first thought was his friends made plans that didn’t include him. Only instead, it was Lindsay once again screwing with my son.

“She showed up at school.” He growls.

“For what?” I ask.

“To cry about how no one is there for her. She stood in front of everyone at school making it sound like you and Dad wouldn’t let her see me. She made it sound like I was being held hostage.” He tells me. 

“I'll deal with it, just go have fun tonight.” I tell him, going to grab my phone. 

“You don’t need to call her, she's outside. Did I forget to mention she also followed me home? I think she plans to stand out there waiting for me to go with her.” He tells me. 

“Gussy, you can have my pop.” Cameron says, looking upset, holding out his popsicle.

“How about Gus gets his own and plays with you while Daddy handles something outside.” I tell them both.

“Jus, maybe I should just go with her.” He tells me, once again compromising his wants to keep everyone happy. 

“I’ll deal with it, and please don’t let this cancel your plans tonight.” I tell him, opening the front door before he says anything else that makes me want to kick Lindsay’s ass today.

Lindsay was leaning against Gus’s jeep, as if she was making sure if he figured out how to get out with her car blocking his way, she could jump in with him.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“I want to spend time with my son. I was hoping he could convince Jenny to come home tonight and we could have a family night. With everything else going on I wanted to make sure they knew I was still there for them. Mel might have forgotten them while she’s off being selfish again, but it made me realize what it was like for you when Brian took off with Michael over and over. I honestly hoped you two could work it out, but now I see why you finally filed for divorce. They just forget us don’t they?” She tells me, adding a few tears.

I stood there wondering where she was going with this, comparing my marriage to hers? There was nothing alike when comparing them. Brian might have been reliving his youth with Michael, but he never once left me high and dry the way Mel and Lindsay seemed to do when they fought with each other. I remembered Brian telling me about the pre-Canada days. Which seemed to be one of them moving out then deciding they loved each other and moving back in together again. 

Which, thinking about what I did this last time, sounds like the way their entire marriage was. I didn’t like the idea that I did anything that Lindsay could use as a comparison to her and Mel. It was something Brian told me he got tired of with the two of them, the way they never bothered to think about anything but themselves. It’s the only real thing he would say that criticized them, and only because he didn’t like Gus being dragged around, never knowing where home was going to be with them. When I met them they seemed to be doing well, so I’d never seen the things Brian told me about. I didn’t like the way Mel seemed to have nothing good to say about Brian, but at the time I didn’t know Brian and didn’t feel it was my place to tell them anything. As time went on, I just got Gus and Jenny out of the house when the fathers did something that pissed Mel off. Lindsay was staring at me, as if waiting for me to agree with her or offer her a shoulder to cry on. I saw Emmett and Drew show up, and really just wanted to get Lindsay to go home.

“Lindsay, what happened with Brian and me really isn’t your business. Right now, you need to leave Gus alone, he was really upset about what you did at school today. Staying here isn’t going to make him do what you want him to do.” I tell her.

“Why is he angry at me when I’m not the one who skipped out on things like his games, birthday, and anything else you and I had to do when his father and Mel were busy.” She tells me.

“Lindsay, give him time to deal with everything. He’s worried about Brian and I want him to have this weekend to relax.” I tell her.

“Why would he worry about Brian? He’s home now.” She asks.

“Because even though the doctors told us Brian should be okay, it’s still scary as shit to know that there’s always a chance something could go wrong with the chemo. No matter what anyone tells you, it doesn’t change that his father had cancer. So instead of being expected to rally around you, Gus needs a chance to go out with his friends. In essence, be the kid he’s been avoiding because he was too busy being there for his brother and sister. If you want to see Jenny, then call Hunter, and trust me, he’ll figure out a way to get Jenny to agree. Just don’t expect her to be any more thrilled with you than Gus is right now. Or how about you do what you and Mel suggested, figure out your shit while the kids aren’t there to see it! ” I tell her, starting to get pissed.

“I’m not the one who left, Mel is. I don’t think it’s fair the kids are treating me like I’m the one who took off on them. He forgave Brian for everything, but he can’t forgive me for doing nothing but wanting to spend time with him and show him and Jenny that they’re still important to me.” She tells me.

“You only want me to get Jenny to come home so you can make it Mama’s fault.” Gus says from the door glaring at her.

This was getting out of hand, and of course Drew looked ready pick Lindsay up and remove her from the planet. Then Brian pulled up, not looking any happier. I didn’t want Brian to have to deal with this when he was likely raw from talking to Alex. When he said my name, my only thought was to get him away from Lindsay, who would try to guilt Brian, who already had enough guilt hanging over him. My first thought was to get Brian to do something because I wanted it. It was something he did anytime I asked. He told me once that he did it because I barely ever asked him for anything. The please was all I had to say, but I couldn’t help whispering ‘I love you’, because he needed to hear that without the qualifiers that he’d heard since he came home. 

Drew was practically breathing down Lindsay neck, when Brian and Emmett took off. Emmett was confused at why Brian took him, but went anyway. 

“What do you want me to do?” Drew asked, glaring at Lindsay.

“Check on Cameron, and make sure Gus doesn’t make an excuse to stay in all night.” I tell him, which was exactly what Drew would do. It was something I learned about Drew, tell him what you wanted, and he did it without question. It’s why I understood Emmett’s worship of all things Drew.

“Where is Gus going?” Lindsay questions.

“Out with friends.” I tell her.

“Which ones?” She asks like it was a test of some kind.

“Luke and Terry.” I tell her.

“Where exactly is he going?” She asks.

“Is there some reason you need to know? He’s been going out with them since he moved in with me and Brian, and you’ve never seemed to want the details before. Before we get to the ‘it’s your right to know where your child is’, Gus earned the trust we give him because he’s never once given us a reason to doubt where he is. In fact, it’s likely they’ll end up playing games all night either here or at one of the other’s houses. Which does not mean you run over to the houses and embarrass him the way you did today at school. He doesn’t need more reasons to stay mad at you.” I tell her.

“I just wanted to spend time with kids, hell I wanted to spend time with my friend Justin too. I know everything's been tense since Brian remembered he had a family. I thought you might need a friend too.” She tells me.

“I’m not exactly feeling too friendly after what you and Mel pulled. In fact I’m having a hard time understanding what I need you for. Brian needs me to talk to him, not about him to you. It’s the mistake I made, forgetting that Brian was who I should be talking to. I’m sure if you want to resolve anything with Mel, it would be better to talk to her, not cry on everyone else. My days of letting everyone tell me what they think about how I run my life are over. Brian and the kids are my only priority. Go home and let Gus call you when he’s ready to talk to you.” I tell her.

“What about your career? You’ve put everything on hold for Brian. The art world can’t be expected to wait around for you, you need to concentrate on your career. I heard you turned down the London trip. Which isn’t the smartest thing you could do, when you canceled three shows this year. You're giving up everything for Brian, keeping Kinnetik running is not your job.” She tells me, as if she’s my manager.

“Brian and I own it together, so yes it was and is my job when Brian couldn’t be there.” I tell her.

“He gave you half of Kinnetik?” She asks, not happy to hear it. It wasn’t a secret we were keeping, we just never talked much about it.

“He didn’t give it to me, we combined everything when we got married.” I tell her.

“I need to go, tell Gus to call me.” She tells me, running to her car.

She almost hit the mailbox when she backed out, I got worried when she sped away, but didn’t really get what caused her to take off the way she did. I went in to see Drew and Gus feeding Cameron cookies and milk, which at first had me thinking Cameron was going to be spinning like a top with all the sugar in his system. Only snickering when Brian and Emmett returned, as Brian announced that Emmett and Drew were staying with Cameron tonight, while he and I spent the night away. It worried me because he wasn’t smiling at the idea of spending time alone together. 

We put Cameron to bed and made sure Gus knew how to reach us if he needed us tonight. Then were in the car, and arrived at Drew and Emmett's house. I didn’t get why we were there, but instead of going in the house, Brian lead me to the gazebo in the back of the house. 

“Alex made me realized why I was lashing out on you.” Brian tells me, pacing around.

“What did you figure out?” I ask.

“That I wasn’t directing my anger at Deb and Michael at you. I was directing the anger I felt toward you because you left me, without even bothering to tell me.” He tells me, trying to hold in his anger, which didn’t help mine.

“You would have had to be there for me to tell you. Which, guess what, you weren’t.” I tell him, lasing back out at him. 

“This isn’t working is it?” He asks, since all it seemed to do was have us at each other’s throat in seconds.

“What the hell do you expect? For everything you're angry about, I can be just as angry at you for. Do you think I enjoyed sitting in a lawyer's office, about to end our marriage? Do you think I like knowing that I’ll never marry anyone again, because you own my heart? Only, I couldn’t stay with you when I knew Michael was going to be part of the package for the rest of our lives. I dealt with his snide comments, his constant showing everyone he would always have you dancing to his tune, and his mother treating me like shit because I dared to marry the man who she expected to be there for no one but Michael.” I tell him, actually feeling better.

“I can’t defend myself as far as the way I did nothing when Michael said shit to you, I own that. I can defend myself in that I never would have moved the fuck out with our children without at least facing you and telling you. We can sit here and blame Deb and Michael for whatever you want, and I’ll agree with you. But it won’t change that we stopped talking to each other, choosing silence over telling each other anything.” He tells me.

“I got my head bitten off too many times for saying anything against the Holy Novotnys, so I saved myself the fucking pain and your asshole behavior. Do you want to know the most fucked up part of everything for me? My relief that even if you cheated on me, it wasn’t going to be Michael sucking your dick.” I tell him.

 “I never cheated on you!” He shouted.

“I didn’t say you did, just that I for me I could have dealt with anyone else if you had, but not Michael.” I tell him.

“I can deal with anything, including you treating me like shit, but if you ever walk out on me again, at least fucking face me. I spent my life scared to let someone in because they would know exactly the best place to hit to bleed me. You were the first person who had the power to ruin me, because you’re the only one I’ve ever loved enough to be willing to open myself up to. It’s something I didn’t want to give anyone, but you got past every safeguard I placed around my heart. You were the one who I couldn’t deny owned me. Only you have the power to rip my heart into shreds, by giving up on me.” He tells me, breathing heavy as if it was the hardest thing he’d ever had to say to me.

“I won’t ever leave again.” I whispered to him, overwhelmed by what he said..

“You can’t promise that.” He tells me.

“It’s my promise to give, and you have it. If I’m gone, it’s not because I choose to leave you.” I tell him.

“How do we get back to before?” He asks, almost pleading.

“We don’t. We start from here. We learn to talk to each other. I’m about to do something I didn’t want to have to do. I need you to make a choice, it’s us or them.” I tell him.

“It was never a choice for me.” He tells me, wrapping his arms around me.

I needed to feel him, through it all I missed the feel of him next to me. I missed the way he would end up wrapped around me in the morning. Only, when I started trying to take off his shirt he backed off.

“What?” I ask.

“It’s not about you. It’s me… which sounds wrong, it’s just, since the operation I haven’t really…”

“I just want to feel your skin next to mine. We’ll figure out everything else later.” I tell him, opening his shirt while he took off mine. I ended up putting my head on his chest to hear his heart beating. We ended up on one of the larger lounge chairs by the pool, sleeping under the stars together, and for the first time in a year, I slept through the night. When I woke up, I knew we still had things to deal with, but I could see a path that led towards him, not away from him. 

TED

It was hard to remember why I ever thought of Mel as someone I liked after finding out what she said to Justin about the possibility that Brian had been supporting Michael. Blake and I talked about me getting involved in this, since I’d promised I was done letting the family rule our lives. Which for us included Lindsay and Mel, who, while not being belligerent to Blake, like Michael could be, weren’t exactly welcoming to him at things we did with them. Blake didn’t really care, because he had people outside of my friends, and didn’t let the slights bother him. It bothered me, but over the years, Blake and I carved out new friends and let the ones who couldn’t be happy for us, go. I still talked to Mel on occasion, but it wasn’t like it used to be, because she didn’t like that I wouldn’t listen to her spewing crap about Brian to me. I didn’t feel it was my place to judge anyone’s relationship, or act like they weren’t capable of making their own decisions. I still needed to tell Brian about the shit Michael did at the old house, it bothered me the way he’d set up the master bedroom, as if the only thing missing was Brian in the bed. 

When I called Mel, she asked that we meet at her and Lindsay’s house. She went on to say that her cousin wasn’t happy about Mel staying there and inviting people over. I really wanted to just back out of the driveway when I saw Deb’s car there, but Brian and Justin needed a chance to figure things out, and after talking to Emmett, apparently Deb and Michael hadn’t figured out they were no longer in control of Brian’s life. If Deb keeps this up, not only is she going to deal with Justin, but Jen too. 

I didn’t even get to knock before Mel came out the front door, looking worried. She walked over to my car and got in, leaving me to follow her there. 

“What’s going on?” I asked, when she kept staring at the door.

“When did Brian sign over half of Kinnetik to Justin?” She asks, instead of answering my question.

“They combined their assets, like any married couple would.” I tell her.

“Why didn’t anyone know?” She asks.

“Why the hell would it matter if anyone knew? It was Brian and Justin’s decision about their marriage, which they both really don’t talk about. Blake and I share everything too, but I didn’t feel the need to tell anyone something that really should only be important to us. Why are you bringing it up, when it’s not your business?” I ask.

“Because once again, Brian’s shit is causing problems in my home.” She tells me.

“Is that really how you see it, that something that does not have one thing to do with either you or Lindsay, is Brian somehow causing the shit you two do to each other? Jesus, he can’t get a break from anything. He didn’t do anything other than share everything in his life with Justin.” I tell her.

“He made Justin responsible for everything, while he went off to play, forgetting everything.” She tells me.

“Do you really want to go there… Fuck it, we will. What do you call the shit you did by packing up and running out on your marriage, not once, but twice? I call it forgetting everything while making anyone but you responsible for everything. I honestly came over here to tell you the truth which is in short supply with you and Lindsay lately. Brian didn’t support Michael, but had me invest the funds because he didn’t want Michael to blow the every cent and end up expecting Brian to take care of him.” I tell her.

“Why not, when Brian ignored everything for Michael?” She asks me.

“Which is something that Brian and Justin need to deal with, not us. Just so you know, what you tried to do didn’t have Justin at Brian’s throat, instead he just asked Brian to tell him. All you succeeded in doing was showing Justin that you aren’t much of a friend. Something even I’m questioning about you. Can you answer something, why are Deb and Michael here?” I ask, realizing Mel wasn’t the person I once saw as a friend.

“They said they came to see Jenny, only they haven’t even asked where she is. Lindsay told them about Kinnetik, it’s why I came out to see you. I couldn’t listen to them talk about Justin like he’s the whore in the relationship.” She tells me.

It was just too much for me. “Seriously, do they think Justin came into this marriage only wanting Brian’s money? Justin’s worth as much, if not more than Brian, not that either of them ever gave a shit about the money.” I tell her.

“Lindsay isn’t upset about Kinnetik belonging to both of them. She’s upset because Justin is giving up shows and other things because Brian put the responsibility of Kinnetik on his shoulders. She doesn’t see why Brian would do that, when it should be Gus’s one day.” She tells me.

“How about Cameron? You know, Brian’s other son? Does Lindsay not see that Cameron should feel slighted too, since Brian so selfishly wanted to share everything with his husband, who would never leave his children floundering out in the cold?” I tell her, getting out of the car.

I didn’t wait for Mel, but walked straight in the house. None of them heard me come in, since they were discussing Brian’s mental well being. I stood there in shock when Deb started suggesting that they should try to get Brian declared incompetent, Which almost had me asking if they understood what that word meant. Mel came in and passed me, going into the kitchen, not telling them I was standing there.

“Mel, since I have a POA that pre dates the shithead’s arrival, it should mean I’m in charge of Brian’s life.” Michael tells her.

“Lindsay agrees with us that a judge might see Brian’s behavior as unstable, and that Justin doesn’t have his best interests, since he’s divorcing Brian.” Deb tells her.

“If anyone should have been left in charge it should have been me. I’m the mother of his son.” Lindsay adds.

“Like you give a shit, as long as the money flows to you. Michael and I have always been there taking care of Brian, something he forgets the minute Justin throws a tantrum because Brian wants to take care of Michael.” Deb tells them.

“Ma, things are different now. I think Brian wants more, but he can’t because he’s trapped with the brat and HIM.” Michael tells her.

Deb takes a deep breath, before saying anything. “Michael, sweetheart, as much as I know you think you want Brian for more, he really isn’t going to give you the things you need. He just needs to remember that your friendship comes first. You need time to get over losing Ben, then maybe later you can start looking for someone better than Brian to get into a relationship with. You don’t want to have deal with that kid he has with Justin, when you can find someone else that doesn’t come with kids or responsibilities, other than making you happy.” She tells him.

“I WANT BRIAN, and as far as any of those other responsibilities go, I’ll make sure Brian cuts them out of his life. After all the years I waited, it’s my fucking turn to have it all.” He screeches.

“Michael, you’re still dealing with losing Ben, so you aren’t seeing things clearly.” Deb tells him, as Lindsay looks strangely at Michael.

“Is Gus one of the things that gets cut out?” Lindsay says softly.

“What the hell does Gus need Brian for, when you two are supposed to be the mothers, remember? You know, it’s interesting that somehow you two wanted the fucking kid, but Brian ended up raising him for you.” Michael tells them.

“Brian would never give up Gus!” Lindsay yells.

“He would if you two didn’t constantly show up, using your kid to get him to support your asses. It’s never fucking enough for you, and for once I’m going to put my foot down and tell you the gravy train stops once Brian and I get married!” Michael tells them.

“Michael, honey you're not ready for a relationship. I know you miss Ben, but..” 

“Why the fuck would I miss Ben? He knew I only wanted him with me until I could have Brian. I never loved him, and could only thank him for finally getting out of my way. I don’t care what you think, Brian has always and will always belong with me. I’m sick and tired of you trying to undermine everything.” Michael tells her, getting up to leave, only stopping when he sees me. “You tell Brian, if he doesn’t come to me, then I’ll make him wish he had.” Michael tells me, running out of the house.

“I don’t understand, he loved Ben.” Deb says, looking shocked.

“Really? It sure didn’t sound like it to me, but then you never want to believe Michael could be anything but the perfect son you made up in your head. Excuse me, but I think Brian and Justin might need to worry about what Michael meant by the last thing he said.” I tell them, deciding the four people sitting in this kitchen weren’t worth my time anymore.

“Ted, he’s just upset. He lost Ben and now Brian’s acting like he doesn’t want me or Michael around.” Deb once again excuses everything, as if she didn’t hear a word.

“Brian isn’t acting, right now he doesn’t want any of you around. If Justin finally tells him to choose, what do you think the chances are that he will choose people who treat him like he’s either their bank or owes them everything? It’s not looking to good for any of you, at least I don’t think so.” I tell them, leaving.

I hated to do this, but for once I’m going to look out for Brian. “Cynthia, go ahead and file the restraining orders.” I tell her on the phone.

“Do we call Brian first?” She asks, sounding unsure.

“No. If he gets pissed, then I'll tell him I did it. Michael pretty much threatened Justin, Cameron, and Gus in front of me and three other people.” I tell her.

“The police are going to need Brian to sign off on this.” She tells me.

“Actually they don’t, Brian left both Justin and I in charge of everything. Just don’t tell Justin I lied about it.” I tell her.

BRIAN

I went upstairs to check on Cameron and to see if Gus had fun last night. When Justin and I woke up we agreed to table the talk from last night. We both needed time to think about what we each said to each other, so we didn’t start another argument. I didn’t feel like we were avoiding it, like in the past, just trying to figure out how to talk without it causing us to lash out at each other. Cameron was still sound asleep when I went in his room. I kissed his head and went to check if Gus was up. I wanted to talk to Gus too, he deserved to know that I was going to do what it took to be the father he expected me to be to him and his brother. 

Emmett told us that Gus and Luke had come in saying they were going to play games for a while, so it didn’t surprise me to see Luke still there, only that maybe there was something Gus hasn’t told us. I closed the door, deciding Gus and I had a lot to talk about. 

I went into Justin’s room and laid on the bed, wondering when I became that parent. I looked up at Justin in a towel and even though I didn’t get hard, there was interest, which was progress.

“You okay?” Justin asks, getting dressed.

“We need to talk to Gus.” I tell him.

“About?” Justin asks, as Cameron comes in the room and climbs on the bed to lay on me.

“Sleepy.” He mumbles, going back to sleep.

“Overnight guest, Luke was there.” I tell him.

“Luke always spends the night, you’ve never had a problem with it before.” Justin tells me, getting dressed.

“I don’t want to have a problem with it, but shit, Luke SPENT the night.” I tell him, not wanting to wake up Cameron.

“What should we do, or even say? It’s not like Gus would have to worry about how we’d react, yet he didn’t tell us.” Justin tells me.

“He probably didn’t tell you because of everything else going on.” I tell Justin.

“Should we talk to him?” Justin asks, which felt good that he said we.

“We should at least make sure he knows that we support him, regardless of what he decides.” I tell him as my phone rings. “It’s Ted.” I tell him.

“I’m going to help Emmett with breakfast, bring Cameron when you get done.” He tells me, kissing us both before going downstairs. I heard doorbell, but was busying listening to Ted tell me what he did. 

“Why?” I ask.

“Brian, what Michael said didn’t sound like he was just wasn’t just running his mouth. This way, if he tries something, you have legal recourse.” Ted tells me.

“He needs help Ted, but I can’t be the person helping him.” I tell him.

“Deb won’t be much help, as far as she’s concerned it’s just Michael grieving for Ben. Brian, it’s not just what Michael said today, but what he did at your other house. He was turning the master bedroom into his bedroom. Justin didn’t leave much behind but what he did leave was shredded or destroyed. I could be wrong, but if it was Blake I’d rather overreact then not do anything. Carl should be there with the paperwork. Maybe have him look at what Michael did. If it’s nothing, then you don’t have to renew the order in a couple of weeks.” He tells me.

“Let me see what Justin thinks and talk to Carl, thanks.” I tell him, hanging up.

“Dada sad?” Cameron asks staring at me.

“No, baby boy. Hungry?” I ask, getting up with him in my arms.

“I get Gussy.” He tells me, trying to get down.

“I think Uncle Emmett wants you to help him cook.” Drew tells him, taking him from me. “Justin said to go in the living room. Let me know if you need me.” Drew says, smiling at Cameron.

“Hi Brian, I have the paperwork for you to sign.” Carl tells me.

“Is there some reason we need to do this? I’m all for them not coming here, but this is a bit extreme.” Justin tells me.

“Ted didn’t like what Michael implied.” Carl tells us.

“Which was?” Justin asks.

“That he would get rid of anyone that got in his way, which sounded like he meant you, Cameron, and Gus.” I tell him.

“If we file these, it gives you both a way to handle Michael through legal channels. Yes it’s extreme, but better safe than sorry.” Carl tells him.

“Ted suggested that you see the other house, and I thought maybe we should get Alex to see it too. Whatever you left at the other house, Michael destroyed.” I tell him.

“It wasn’t much, just a few clothes.” Justin assures me.

“It doesn’t matter, he did it because it was yours.” I tell him.

“I’d normally agree with you, a restraining order is over the top, but Michael’s obsession with Brian was never normal.” Carl tell Justin.

“I wasn’t fighting doing it, I just wanted to know why.” Justin tells him.

Carl left us with a copy, before leaving. Justin asked me to wait because he wanted to ask me something about yesterday.

“Lindsay was all over my ass about turning down a couple shows and the trip to London, but after telling her that you and I both own Kinnetik, she took off, driving like a crazy person. I thought maybe I pissed her off by telling her to mind her own business. She started acting like her and I should be leaning on each other, and then acting like my agent, saying the art world isn’t going to wait around for me. I’m not telling you this to get you to do anything, just because I want to start again by you hearing it from me, not finding out later.” He tells me.

“You want to see what Michael did? Justin, I don’t want to see it. I trust Ted’s word, I think we should let Carl and Alex look at it and tell us what they think.” I tell him, knowing it was his way of getting me to see he needed to know everything too.

“I’m not scared of Michael.” He tells me.

“I never thought you were, but I don’t think I could deal with seeing what he did to a place that was once our home.” I tell him.

“Hey Dad, Jus, you guys have fun last night?” Gus asks, walking by.

“That was our question for you.” Justin asks, smirking at Gus.

“Yeah.” Gus says slowly, looking at us.

“Anything you want to tell us?” I ask.

“NO!” Gus tells us running into the kitchen.

“You're right, we don’t need to see it.” Justin tells me, going to the kitchen.

I pulled out my phone, looking at the pictures Ted sent, and resisted smashing the phone. Instead I forwarded them to Alex, with a text asking him to go with Carl. Alex of course called me back.

“I don’t have a problem going with Carl, but what you're seeing in those pictures is pretty much what Michael’s always wanted from you. How did you and Justin handle talking to each other?” He asks.

“We ended up arguing with each other.” I tell him.

“Are you talking this morning?” He asks.

“We decided to give each other time so we wouldn’t turn it into a bigger argument. Which Justin has every right to do.” I tell him.

“Yes he does, but you both took the step to find a way not to argue with each other. It’s more than couples who aren’t at the point you two are at could do. I’ll check out the house with Carl and we will discuss it at your next session. Justin needs to know what you know too.” He tells me.

“Not today. Today I want to enjoy the things I took for granted.” I tell him, hanging up.

JUSTIN

After Luke went home, Gus asked us to not ask him about it, and ran out the back door with Cameron. Brian watched out the window as Gus played with Cameron. I'd left it alone about Luke because I hated when people pushed me to talk. It worried me that Gus didn't tell me, since he usually talked to me, and maybe it was something he wasn't comfortable with telling me yet. Brian told Gus about Michael, and asked that he stay away from him. Gus shrugged, then said he never wanted Michael near him, so it wouldn't be a problem. Once again Brian's guilt reared it's head. Ted showed up with Blake, asking to talk to Brian and me. Drew and Emmett offered to go, but it wasn't like they wouldn't find out whatever Ted wanted to talk to us about anyway.

"How didn't I see that Gus hated Michael?" Brian asks.

"I didn't see it either, but then Michael really didn't pay attention to Jenny, much less Gus." Emmett admitted.

"I doubt any of you would have seen it. Until Justin and Brian started seeing each other, Michael was careful around Gus. I think Michael was willing to share Brian with Gus, until Gus made the mistake of loving Justin and Cameron, and asking to live with you. After that, anytime Gus was around, Michael acted like he wasn't even in the room." Ted tells them.

"What do you mean? I never saw Michael ignore Gus." Emmett tells him.

"It wasn't like Michael did anything huge, he just let Ben and Hunter do all the talking." Ted tells us.

"I feel like I forced Gus to be around him." Brian tells us.

"The only time Gus was around Michael was when there were family gatherings, which you can't feel guilty about. All of us attended, because it was easier than dealing with what Deb would do if we didn't show up." Emmett tells him.

"Except Justin. Did you know?" Brian asks me.

"No. Gus tends to internalize the way you do. He usually stays quiet, unless it's something that he thinks will hurt other people. In the last year he pretty much didn't hide how he felt about Michael, but I think it was more about how Michael treated Jenny, Cameron, and me. I also tried not to let my dislike of Michael color Gus's mind to what I felt. Just like you guys, I didn't notice any change in his relationship with Gus." I tell him.

"The way Michael treated Gus was the way he treated anyone who took Brian's attention off of him, so I didn't see it as anything but that." Blake tells me.

"How about we talk about why Ted wanted to talk to us. Brian and I can talk to Gus later about it." I tell them.

"I hope you understand that I didn't go see Mel to stir up more shit, but in hopes of straightening out some facts. Only, when I showed at the girls house, Michael and Deb were there, which explained why Mel didn't want me in the house. She started questioning me about you and Justin. I questioned why Michael and Deb were there and instead of answering, she wanted to know why no one knew you and Justin owned Kinnetik together. It wasn't a secret, so I told her the truth, that you and Justin combined everything when you got married. Then Mel started blaming all her problems on Brian, so I gave up and went in the house. They were arguing over Brian's POA and how Justin shouldn't be in charge. Then Michael got pissed at Deb for trying to say he was still grieving for Ben. That's Michael went off, saying he was going to marry Brian and would get rid of anyone who got in his way, and said he would get them out of Brian's life. Lindsay brought up Gus, and Michael pretty much made it clear that Gus shouldn't be Brian's responsibility. He stormed out, but not before he told me that you better call him or else. Deb didn't hear anything, as usual. Lindsay seemed to only be worried about Kinnetik not being Gus's one day. I left after telling them off, but it worried me, what Michael was saying." Ted tells us.

"Deb's a piece of work. What Ted isn't telling you is that she pretty much told Michael that Brian wasn't good enough for him." Blake tells us.

"That's something that always puzzled me, she expects Brian to be at Michael's beck and call, but she doesn't want Michael to get what he wants from Brian." Emmett tells us.

"That's because Brian wouldn't let her rule his house the way she did with Ben and Michael. It's not that he isn't good enough, it's more that Brian is the one person that Michael would tell Deb to go to hell for." I tell them.

"Which he did, while she tried to excuse it for grieving again. Something I doubt Michael ever did, since he seems to think Ben dying was the only thing Ben did right for him." Ted tells us.

"Which Ben only reinforced by putting Brian in charge." Drew tells Brian.

"I don't think that's why Ben did it, although it would seem like that." Blake tells us.

"What?" Brian asks him.

"Blake." Ted says, as if to stop whatever Blake might say.

"I think he thought Justin was the one who could do better. I don't know if Ben wanted Justin, but he didn't like that you were with Justin." Blake tells Brian.

"I never got the feeling he wanted me, just that he was lonely. He never made a pass at me, He seemed puzzled by why I would want Brian. I think it was more that he saw Brian as the person everyone else believed he was." I tell them.

"What do you see?" Brian asked.

"A man who worked his ass off so Gus's life was everything any kid could want. A person who could deal with what people said about him, because he knew who he was and what he was. Like all of us, you have flaws and issues, but in your heart cared about everything to the point where you couldn't let go of a friendship, always hoping that you could find the person you thought was there." I tell him.

ALEX

Carl and I wandered around the house, not seeing anything but what I expected when it came to Michael. Carl didn't looked surprised by it either. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that neither of us were fooled by either of the Novotnys.

"What do you think?" Carl asks.

"Michael tried to change anything that went against what he wants. He wants all the things that Justin got, and in his mind it means erasing anything that shows Justin exists." I tell him.

"Which worries me if he and Justin come face to face." He tells me.

"I'd be worried for Michael, not Justin. Michael doesn't have a clue who he'd be dealing with." I tell him.

"What do you mean?" He asks, probably believing Justin is the person he let's everyone see.

"Justin holds back for the sake of Brian and his children. Michael thinks because Justin took what Michael was doing, that it showed him Justin was weak. Which is Michael's mistake, for underestimating Justin." I tell him.

"I really don't know Justin that well. Deb and I were pretty much over by the time Brian started bringing Justin around." He tells me.

"What do you know about him?" I ask.

"Just that he's an artist, but I'm not much for the art scene." He tells me.

"He's also an award winning photographer. Several years ago he was in a helicopter that was shot down. He survived weeks before he and the team he was with were found." I tell him.

"I heard about it, but didn't realize it was Justin." He tells me.

"Justin likely wouldn't bring it up. I'm only telling you because if Michael does anything to hurt Justin's family, Michael will be the loser. Unlike Brian, Justin saw Michael and Deb for who they are. Brian can see it now, but in the past he only saw them as the family that his biological family never was to him." I tell him.

"Brian always seems to be able to see past the bullshit. It's why I could never wrap my head around Brian and Michael's relationship. No matter what Michael did, they all seem to find a way to almost ignore it." He tells me.

"They were doing what Deb wanted, it's something that the gang did, coming from the families they were born into. Each one didn't get acceptance from their own family, and when they got it from Deb, they didn't see that her acceptance came with conditions. The biggest one was everyone took care of Michael. Which, until they met their partners wouldn't have caused problems for Deb. As each one partnered off, they didn't come running every time Michael needed them." I tell him.

"Except for Brian." He tells me.

"She had Brian the longest, because he resisted the idea of relationships. Which I'm sure Deb was happy about, not just because she wanted him to take care of Michael, but because she didn't want him to ever decide to have one with Michael." I tell him.

"I got the same feeling about her not wanting Brian and Michael to be more than friends. She wasn't happy with Ben at first, but in a way I think she was hoping it would push Michael to want Ben." He tells me.

"Which would work with Michael. Because telling him ‘no' only guarantees he does the opposite." I tell him.

"You study Michael a lot?" He asks.

"You could say I studied the group as a whole. They interested me, seeing the dynamics that played out. It always interested me that they managed to stay friends as long as they did. Like you said, Brian isn't one for putting up with bullshit from anyone, but I don't think people understood one thing about Brian; he hid behind the mask he put on for the world. Brian cared to the point that he'd hurt himself to keep the people he cares about happy. Emmett was the opposite, by showing he cared. Emmett wouldn't be in your face the way Brian was, but try to find way to say something in a way that wouldn't hurt or embarrass someone. Ted let himself blend into the background because he felt safest there, only coming to the front when someone needed him to. The three of them being friends made sense to me, in that they all care about others more than themselves. It was Michael that didn't make a lot of sense to me in the group. He didn't care about anything unless he could use it to show that he did, or to make people see him as someone important. Which is where Brian came in, by being the guy everyone wanted to be or be with. Michael felt important because for years he was the guy Brian would drop anyone or anything to take care of. Unfortunately for Brian, it included Justin." I tell him.

"Why only Justin and not the other guy's partners?" He asks as we leave.

"Because he couldn't use their words against them. Emmett and Ted wanted relationships, where Brian practically shouted he didn't believe in them. He sneered at the idea of having a relationship that was heteronormative, and Michael always knew exactly what to say to Brian to get him to do what he wanted. I think when Brian still married Justin and went on to have a family with him, Michael was determined to do everything he could to split them up. Only, Brian loved Justin enough not to let Michael do it. I think a lot of what Brian did for Michael was only because Brian saw Michael as himself if he ever lost Justin. Only Brian wouldn't use partying to solve his problems anymore, because he had his children to take care of." I tell him.

"He might have believed that he would do what Michael was doing though. It's what almost broke Ben and Michael up from what Deb told me. That Brian was partying Michael's marriage into the ground over some piece of ass." He tells me.

"At that time, Brian was alone, and Gus was in Canada, so what he was doing wouldn't hurt anyone, not even Michael, regardless of how anyone saw it. Michael was thrilled that Brian turned to him. It was the first time in my career I let my personal feelings for someone affect the way I thought." I tell him.

"You had feelings for Brian?" He asks.

"As a friend, although at one time I wouldn't have minded taking it further yes, but it wasn't love that made me want that with Brian, it was other things. No, it was that I honestly didn't like Michael, and being outside the situation, I saw who Michael really was. A spoiled child who manipulated people. He made sure people saw Brian the way he wanted them to see him. Brian might have tricked and forgotten them, but it was Michael who made sure they felt used by Brian, by hunting them down and telling them Brian was a selfish shit who only cares about himself. Which Brian helped by ignoring them afterwards, but in Brian's case it was to keep them from getting closer to him." I tell him.

"He didn't do that with Justin?" I ask.

"No he didn't, but it didn't stop Michael from playing the games he did. Which Brian wouldn't have seen as anything but Michael looking out for him. It's why Michael got away with it for so long, because he knew Brian would believe him, since nothing Michael was saying wasn't something Brian expected." I tell him.

"You aren't worried that Brian will be the one who ends up doing something to Michael?" He asks.

"Brian wouldn't use his fists, unless there was no other way. Justin on the other hand, will use whatever he has to, to get rid of anything that hurts his family. Brian is ‘in your face', Justin comes at you when you least expect it." I tell him.

"You know Justin that well?" He asks.

"I know what I've read in the reports that were sent to me when I agreed to work with him and Brian. What I worry about is the response to the restraining orders." I tell him.

"What do you mean?" He asks, before I get in my car.

"I'm sure you'll find out as soon as you file them." I tell him, getting in and driving off. It was the most I could say without getting my ass in hot water, but Carl needed to know he'd likely have someone at the station wanting to know exactly what this was about.

BRIAN

Justin got a phone call and left the room. I hated when he did that, because in the past, he only did that when he was leaving. It gave me time to talk to Gus about Luke, and why he didn't even tell Justin about it. I needed something to distract me, because if Justin came back and said he was going, I didn't know how to deal with it. He stopped after we committed to each other, but I could tell he missed the life he lived before me. But I didn't feel there was anything I could say after the way I practically ran away from the marriage. There was also something else he said that bothered me; that he gave up things because of me. It's something Lindsay would mention off and on after Justin and I decided to live in Pittsburgh, that Justin gave up his life for mine. Which, after hearing Lindsay say it, Justin told me that he didn't have to give up anything, he chose to be with me. Even hearing it from Justin, it didn't keep the doubts from rearing their heads once in awhile.

"You want to talk about it?" I ask Gus, after Cameron fell asleep with his head in my lap.

"I'm not sure yet. I mean, I sort of like both. Last night was the first time Luke and I did anything." He tells me.

"Do we need to talk about safety?" I ask.

"No, because we didn't do anything other than make out. I'm not ready to do more, shit I'm still a virgin." Gus mumbles.

"There's nothing wrong with waiting." I tell him, wishing Justin was here, because this was not a conversation I ever wanted to have with Gus, or Cameron.

"This is going to sound bad, but I didn't want people to assume that I'd be like you." He tells me, looking down at the floor.

"Gus, I'd never want people to view you the way they did me. What I did, well it wasn't something to be proud of, but at the time I didn't realize it would affect anyone else. Why do you think people would compare you to me?" I ask.

"Most of the time, no one does. It only happens when the guys and I are out on Liberty Avenue and we run into older guys who knew you. I heard a few say they couldn't wait to see if I was anything like you." He tells me.

"I wish I'd lived differently, but I can't change that. I can only tell you not to let anyone tell you who you are. You need to live your life as you want." I tell him.

"It isn't just what people I don't know say, it's what Mama and the others used to say, as if it didn't matter that they made you sound like..." He says, not wanting to say it.

"A whore, slut, or whatever else they could. It's not like I didn't know they were saying it Gus. What they say doesn't bother me, but what you think does." I tell him.

"I guess I don't get how you could do that with just anyone. To me it's something that shouldn't be a game, or something that you do without giving a shit about the person you're with." He tells me, as Justin comes back in the room.

"Can I say something?" Justin asks. "Gus, it's okay to believe sex is something that should be special between you and the person you're with. There's also nothing wrong with enjoying yourself. What your father was doing isn't any different than what most guys do. I wasn't saving myself until I met your father, and it wouldn't be fair of me to judge him for the life he had before me. It bothers me to hear that Mel or whoever else, was telling you about your father's past." Justin tells him.

"It doesn't bother you what Dad did?" He asks.

"No. Because it had nothing to do with me. Just like my past wasn't about him. It was both of us doing what we wanted. Does it bother you to know that my past isn't spotless either?" Justin asks.

"No one talks about you the way they do Dad." He tells me.

"The only difference in the things I did and what your father did, was that my life wasn't open to the public. I didn't stay in one place long enough for anyone to know me. Your Dad lived in one place most of his life, and it means people had time to make judgements that were theirs, and not necessarily true. What he did in his past, isn't the total sum of who he is. Just like, as you grow up what you do and don't do won't define who you are. Who you are is the person you are when no one sees what you're doing." Justin tells him.

"Yet the only thing anyone talks about is what Dad did in the past and was doing with Michael this last year. It's hard to see anything but how little anything, except for Michael, was what Dad cared about." Gus tells him, not looking at me.

"Sonny Boy, we need to talk about it. You seemed to let it go, but it has to still bother you." I tell him.

"Of course it does, but with Mama and Mom pissing me off, I didn't want to be mad at you too. Jus already has enough to deal with, and with you being sick, I needed to be there for you." He tells me.

"I'm going to be okay." I tell Gus.

"How can you be sure, when you didn't do what the doctors wanted and ended up in the hospital? It really pisses me off that you didn't fucking do what you should have to make sure you were okay. Instead you ignored everything to take care of Michael. If you had fucking died, it wouldn't have been about you, because Jus and I would have been the ones dealing with everything like we both have." He tells me, angry, but not shouting, because of Cameron.

"Gus, I'm sorry if I made you feel that way." Justin tells him.

"You didn't." He tells Justin.

"I did. Which I can't change, but I can promise you it won't happen again. I know you don't have any reason to believe me, but I can show you things are different. If you want we can set up appointments with Alex as a family, or you can talk to him alone. I know we have a long way to go before either of you trust me, and I'll do what it takes to earn that back from both of you." I tell them, looking down at Cameron, who didn't know he shouldn't trust me either.

"I didn't care that you weren't there on my birthday. Well I did, but it didn't hurt me as much as it did that you didn't show up for Cameron's." Gus tells me, being the big brother he always has been to his siblings.

"I should have been there for both." I tell him, not excusing any of my actions.

"I don't get it, why did you take off if you believe that?" Gus asks.

"I was being everything everyone told you I was. Justin was here and I didn't think beyond that. I could tell you what I made myself believe, which was that Michael needed me, but in the end, I made the choice to ignore my life." I tell him.

"Don't do it again, because my life isn't better without you." Gus tells me, getting up to take Cameron to bed for his nap.

"Noooo." Cameron mumbles climbing up to wrap his arms around my neck.

"Take him to bed, you need to rest too. Understand something, my life isn't better without you either." Justin tells me, helping me get up.

Cameron cuddled up next to me, as we laid down. I didn't realize how tired I was until I laid down. Justin came in and sat next to me, running his hand over Cameron's head, then I felt his hands on my face.

"We can't solve anything in a day, but I want you to know, I can see the way back." Justin tells me. I fell asleep easily after seeing the promises in his eyes.

DEB

Michael wasn’t answering me after he took off. I was worried, even if no one else was. Why couldn't they understand what Michael was going through? I hated the way Michael depended on Brian, and that he couldn’t see Brian wasn’t the one for him. At first I feared Brian would return Michael’s feelings, but found ways to make sure Brian knew Michael was off limits. I hated doing it, but Michael would have pushed me away if he got what he wanted from Brian. So I continued what Brian’s parents already started, and let Brian believe he wasn’t good enough to be more than someone we allowed into our house. Over the years, Brian built the walls that kept everyone out, I only said the things that guaranteed that the walls stayed erected. At first Vic didn’t realize what I was doing, but when he finally did, he left the house, saying he really didn’t understand me anymore. He loved Brian as if he was his own son, more than he did Michael. Which pissed me off, that he would choose Brian over his blood. We ended up fighting over what he saw as my abuse of a man who did nothing but take care of everyone.

“He doesn’t want Michael that way, so why do you say the shit you do to him?” Vic asked me.

“So he knows that if he wants to be welcome in my home, he’ll never be welcome as anything but a friend. One who doesn’t deserve the love my son wants to give him.” I told him.

“I can agree that Brian doesn’t deserve Michael, but it’s because he’s better than Michael. I hope one day Brian finds someone who will open his eyes enough to realize that you and Michael were the worst thing that could have happened to him. You can say you think Michael is better than Brian, but the truth is, you know that if Brian was ever stupid enough to fall in love with Michael, the apron strings would be cut and you’d be alone in the way you fear. Brian had enough shit in his life, but instead of seeing that he needed to know that he had unconditional support and love from you, you did the opposite. You made sure he knew that if he stepped the wrong way, you’d pull the family away from him. The same way our family did to you. Does it feel good to know you’re no better than our parents, who doled out love only when we did what they wanted? I thought when we got away from them it was because neither of us ever wanted to be like them. I guess you just wanted to rule the house the way our mother did. I left home to get away from the shit our parents did to us, wanting to be a better person. You just became them, hurting a kid for needing a place to go. One day Brian will fall in love with someone, and everything you did will slap you in the face. Because one thing Brian won’t do is ignore the way you treat someone he loves.” Vic told me, slamming his front door in my face.

Vic and I never spoke to each other again. When he died he left it up to Brian to arrange everything. Vic made sure I felt the sting in his rejection, by making Brian promise to be the one to make all his arrangements. Vic left me a letter telling me that he didn’t miss me after we stopped talking, but missed the girl he once thought had a heart big enough for anyone who needed her. He hoped that one day I’d find the girl I was, not the selfish woman I became. I put my son first, how could he call me selfish? Everything I do is so that Michael has all the things I didn’t. How the fuck could Vic think that was selfish?

When the front door opened, Michael came in, still acting angry at me. He walked past me, sitting at the table glaring. I went in and got food out for him, trying to figure out a way to talk to him about why he said the things he did about Ben.

“I know it’s hard to be alone after Ben, but Honey, you can’t say the things you said and expect people to understand that you're still hurting for Ben.” I tell him.

“Sorry. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Without Ben I don’t know how to go on.” Is what I hoped to hear from him.

“It’s been a fucking year Ma, and it’s time for me to move on with my life. Which I plan to do, with the person I’ve always wanted. If you can’t support it, then shut up.” He tells me.

“I’m still your mother and you will treat me with the respect that I deserve for giving up everything when my family kicked me out for getting knocked up with you.” I scold him.

“Save the speech. You fucked up your own life. I don’t plan to keep fucking up mine by following your dictates to me.” He tells me, grabbing the plate out of my hands and going up to his room.

I was going to follow him, but someone was at the door, and I wasn’t in the mood for another one of his tantrums. The knock on my door surprised me, more because now-a-days there is barely ever anyone at my door. It use to drive me insane the way everyone showed up at my house all hours of the day and night. The gang making a mess in my kitchen by hanging out with Michael. Now it’s rare anyone ever comes over. I opened the door to some guy I didn’t know standing on my steps.

“Can I help you?” I ask, when he stares at me.

“Why yes you can, by signing for this, and if your son is here I have one for him too.” The guy tells me.

“Who is it?” Michael asks, coming down, likely thinking it was Brian.

“I have something for you and Ms Novotny... from Brian Kinney.” The guy tell us.

Michael didn’t even ask what it was, just signed the clipboard the guy gave him. He handed us two envelopes, standing there waiting for us to open them. When we did, Michael looked at me, confused.

“I was told to explain that not only do the restraining orders cover Pittsburgh, but the whole United States. If you come within five hundred feet of either of the Mr Kinney-Taylor’s, there won’t be a warning, but a cell waiting for you.” The guy tells us, turning and walking down the steps.

“He really thinks a piece of fucking paper scares me.” Michael says, throwing it in the garbage.

“Michael, we need to talk to Mel again. I think we both know who sent these, and it’s time to get Brian to see what he married.” I tell him.

BRIAN

Carl was standing in the waiting room of Alex’s office when we arrived. He’d called, asking to talk to us. Alex let Gus go with him while we talked to Carl. We’d talked to Alex about the things that Gus told us, and set Gus up with another therapist in his practice. We were going to meet with Gus and the therapist after our appointment. Carl wasn’t smiling when he looked at Justin.

“I need to know why I have the military questioning me.” Carl asks.

“It’s just part of my life. Anything with my name flags when a report is filed about me. Just let them have what they want, because they’ll get it anyway.” Justin tell him.

“I figured that out when I refused to hand over the files. Which I ended up doing when the mayor called to tell the Captain they had full access to anything on you. I did enjoy watching the Captain being ordered to immediately deliver the new restraining orders that they brought with them. Why the hell is the FBI involved in this? ” Carl asks him.

“They like to keep me safe.” Justin jokes.

Carl stared straight at Justin as if he could somehow intimidate him into telling him what was going on. Justin didn’t look away just waited for Carl to give up, which took a few minutes.

“I’ll ask them to refrain from taking over, it’s the best I can do.” Justin tells him.

Carl left, not happy, but seeming to get that he wasn’t going to get more from Justin. Alex waited until he left to talk to us.

“I did try to warn him.” Alex tells us.

“Is that what the call was about?” I ask Justin.

“They just needed to know exactly what was going on. When I agreed to go to London, my name flags in the system again. Why they showed up at the police station is beyond me, they could have just gotten what they wanted without going through Carl.” Justin tell me.

“Have you two been able to talk about last night?” Alex asks us.

“Not really. I don’t know how to feel about him being angry at me. I agree that he had a right to know where I was taking our children, but I also couldn’t sit back any longer.” Justin tells us.

“I also didn’t explain it well. I was angry, yes, but it was wasn’t just at you, but at myself, for pushing you to the point where you felt you had to leave.” I tell him.

“I couldn’t stay and continue the way we were. I let Michael get away with saying things, but part of it was not wanting to fight with you and having you make me feel like it was my fault.” He tells me.

“There aren’t many relationships that could survive a third entity in the marriage.” Alex tells us.

“We didn’t start out conventional in the first place. I can’t change that I didn’t support you when it came to Michael. I can only promise you that our life together with our sons is now my only priority. Right now I know I’m lucky that Cameron wasn’t hurt the way you and Gus were. I do want you to know that not once did I ever consider cheating on you.” I tell him.

“You don’t have to keep telling me. I know I let myself believe the wrong thing, but I trust you to know you wouldn’t have lied about it if it happened.” Justin tells me.

“Would you have told Justin?” Alex asks.

“Yes. It was something I worried about when we agreed to monogamy, that I might slip.” I tell him.

“Or that I might.” Justin adds.

“What would happen if you did?” Alex asks.

“We talk about why it happened, and as long as it didn’t progress into a relationship we could find a way to work through it. It’s what we agreed to when we first got together and were still in an open relationship.” Justin tells him.

“How would you feel if Justin slipped?” Alex asks me.

“I would love to say I wouldn’t care as long as the person didn’t mean anything but I can’t. It’s why I won’t do that to him.” I tell him.

“Even though there wasn’t a physical relationship with Michael, what you did to Justin was likely worse than cheating. In that you were defending Michael and Justin’s feelings of being censored in favor of Michael.” Alex tells me.

“I also could have opened my mouth damn the consequences. Brian might have defended Michael, it didn’t mean I had to take it.” Justin tells him.

“But you did because you didn’t want to fight with me.” I tell him.

“It also felt like I was giving Michael too much power, by reacting to the shit he did. All of you thought Michael did things not really meaning too. I knew he did them waiting to see if he could find a weakness to exploit.” Justin tells me.

“You give him more credit for intelligence then I do.” I tell him.

“I think Justin was able to see through the innocence to the person Michael really is.” Alex tells me.

“He isn’t a mensa candidate but he learned how to manipulate you and the guys by watching Deb. The only reason I don’t really worry about anything Michael threatens is that he needs people to do it for him.” Justin tells me.

“We can’t depend on Michael’s inability to anything without someone else doing it for him.” I tell Justin.

“I have to agree with Brian on this, Michael might not have ever really worked to get anything in life, there’s a difference in this case. Michael has never wanted anything the way he wanted Brian. It’s better to be wary then underestimate him.” Alex tells him.

“I’m not wary, just waiting.” Justin tells him.

“We need to talk about Gus. How do you feel about Gus referring to your past?” Alex asks me, changing the subject.

“It bothers me that Gus had to hear about Brian’s past in a way that made it sound like something it wasn’t. I’m sure there are reasons anyone could come up with for why he tricked the way he did, but there was no reason for Gus to hear him described that way. I don’t like the way Brian feels guilty for the way he lived his life. I’m sorry for answering for you, but I don’t see why you need to feel guilty when you were single. I think Mel cheating and leaving her family doesn’t give her any room to judge you or anyone else.” Justin tells us.

“It wasn’t just Mel. There are guys who knew me, saying things to him too.” I tell him.

“Which he could ignore, since he doesn’t know the person. I agree with Justin, having a parent say those things is different. Why would Gus need to know about that part of your life? It has nothing to do with your parenting of Gus, but it does bring into question Mel’s.” Alex tells me.

GUS

I sat there chewing on my nail, not really sure what I was supposed to talk about. I didn’t really want to talk about what I said to my dad. It was just that it worried me that I might one day be like him. I wanted to take it further with Luke the other night, but I wasn’t in love with Luke, just reacting to the hormones surging at the possibilities. I wasn’t even absolutely sure which I like best. I kind of wondered if I was like my mom, who couldn’t make up her mind, not that she’d acted on her attraction to men recently. A lot of the reason I wanted to live with Dad and Jus was because I got tired of living with Mama and Mom. Mama especially, because she was eternally pissed off at my Dad.

“Gus, if you’re not ready to talk, it’s okay.” Dr Turner says, interrupting my thoughts.

“I’m just not sure I really have any problems worth a visit. I’m not happy with my parents, but what kid isn’t at some time? My sister is living with our other brother, and for the same reason, but no one seems worried that she might need help too. And okay, my dad screwed up and I might have encouraged Jus to leave him. I really hate Michael, because instead of my dad and Jus having time to work out their problems, now they're dealing with more crap from that corner. I can’t be pissed at everyone, so for now I’m pissed at Mama, because I feel like crap because I’m worried about being like my dad was in his past. I didn’t want to tell Jus, who I know I hurt because I didn’t tell him I could be gay, bi, or whatever. Which I can thank my mom for, because she’s just as indecisive.” I stopped when I realized how much I’d said to the poor woman.

“I think we can safely say you have some things we could possibly talk about.” She tells me, smiling and seeming to hold back a laugh. “Yes, you’re absolutely right that all kids are sometimes unhappy with their parents. But unlike some kids, your reasons are likely because they’ve let you down in some way. If your sister needs help than I would be more than happy to let her see me. Your dad did have Alex explain to me what he did that you see as screwing up. You need to know that why Jus left him had nothing to do with you. As for the Michael part, I’m not up to speed on who that is. I do want to discuss the things that your mama might have said, not realizing how it would affect you. One last thing, your sexuality has nothing to do with any of your parents, as well as how you’ll handle sex when you decide it’s the right time for you.” She amazed me, by the fact that she not only listened, but was actually paying attention to what I said.

“I think I hurt Jus.” I tell her.

“I’m assuming Jus is Justin, your stepfather?” She asks.

“I don’t put the ‘step’ in anything when it comes to Jus.” I tell her.

“Why do you refer to him as ‘Jus’ if you feel that way?” She asks.

“When I first met him when I was a little kid, everyone referred to him as Mr Taylor, but he told me I could just call him Jus. It felt special, it’s something only I call him. To me, it means all the things that saying ‘Dad’ does for me. Why did you want to know?” I ask.

“No real reason, I just like to know the how you view the people in your life. Do you want to talk about your dad and the cancer, or we can talk about your moms? It’s up to you.” She tells me.

“We could just stick to Jus, it would take less time.” I joke, really avoiding the rest of the minefields.

“We could, but I don’t think Justin’s a problem for you.” She tells me.

“I really looked up to my dad, and when he and Jus got together, I thought we would be a family. Only there’s Michael, the guy who acts like my dad belongs to him. I tried to like him, but I don’t get what there is to like about him. Jus ignored him, but it didn’t stop Michael from saying things about him, and my dad didn’t stop him either. Then this last year everything went to shit. My dad was barely home, when he was, he and Jus were fighting, and I didn’t like my dad. It felt wrong, because my dad is really the best dad in the world, well, until Ben died he was. We went from having a great home to a broken one, all because Michael wants what Jus had with my dad.” I tell her.

“From what I was told, they are trying to work out their problems. Do you feel guilty because Justin left your father?”

“I didn’t know what to do anymore. Jus tried not to let us see how unhappy he was, but it wasn’t like he could totally hide it. Then Dad just made it worse. Jus called him one night, asking him if he planned to come home, he made it sound like Jus was selfish when he asked. Dad seemed to think that we should understand that Michael was grieving for Ben, and that that was more important than anything we wanted. It’s why I wouldn’t talk to him when he called the day after my birthday. What if he accused me of the same thing?”

“It’s something we should talk to your Dad about when we meet with him. He explained to me what he did or didn’t do, and he feels a lot of guilt for making you feel the way you do.” She tells me.

“I want us to be like we were, but how do we do that with all the other people who won’t leave us alone to figure things out? My mom and mama split up again, and my sister told me she’ll run away if they make her come home. I’m worried that Michael will somehow convince my Dad that it’s really Jus that caused all the problems. It’s taken everything I could do to make sure Cameron doesn’t get hurt.” I tell her.

“Gus you can’t save everyone until you deal with the things that caused the anxiety you're feeling. Is Jenny safe and happy with your other brother?” She asks.

“Hunter’s really cool, and I know he’ll take care of Jenny. It just has to suck for him, because he’s in college and our bratty sister is there. I know Jus would have let her stay with us, but I didn’t ask because it would be a reason why Michael and Deb could show up. Which they can’t do with Hunter, because he wrote them off and doesn’t talk to either of them anymore. I kind of agree with him, that sometimes there are people in your life that you have to let go of.” I tell her.

“Who do you think you have to let go of?” She asks.

“Mama, and sometimes Mom.” I tell her.

“Would you want your mama or mom to come and possibly discuss why you feel that way?” She asks.

“They wouldn’t care. I mean they do, but when they fight they expect everyone to take a side. It’s something my dad never did, unless it involved Michael.” I tell her.

“Could you explain to me what you mean by your dad never did?” She asks.

“When Mama was fighting with my dad, she would talk crap about him. Only, my dad never said things about her to me. He let me think for myself. Only, it was hard not to listen to the way Mama made my dad’s life sound, and Mom never contradicted her, or even told me, like Jus did, that it wasn’t something that had anything to do with my dad’s parenting of me.” I tell her.

“Which from the everything you’ve said, he did well. I agree with Justin, it’s not something that had to do with how your dad takes care of you. I need to meet with your dad and Justin, do you want to be there?” She asks me.

“Do you think they’ll tell me what they talked about?” I ask.

“If it’s something that affects you directly, then yes they will. They both agreed that you needed to know what was going on with them.” She tells me.

“Then can we only talk about what only directly affects them?” I ask her.

“Gus, anything I tell them, you have to agree that you want them to know. One of the things you avoided was your dad’s cancer, is there a reason you don’t want to talk about it.” She asks.

“In my head, if we don’t talk about it, then it can’t kill him.” I tell her.

“In your father’s case, it’s likely he’ll make a full recovery, and yes there is a chance that he could get cancer again, but anyone can. Talking about it won’t do anything but keep you informed. The reason he needs chemo is to kill any other cells that might have been left behind after the surgery.” She tells me.

“I thought they used it because he still has cancer.” I tell her.

“It’s used for that too, but in this case it’s to prevent any harmful cells from becoming cancerous.” She tells me.

“How do you know that?” I ask.

“My husband had the same thing your father did. I think it’s why Alex thought it would be good for me to be your therapist.” She tells me.

“Is your husband…” I couldn’t say it.

“He’s healthy, and helping me raise my daughter and two sons.” She tells me.

After hearing that, the relief I felt was overwhelming, and when my dad came in with Jus, I ran straight to him and let him wrap his arms around me. He was my safe place, even when he wasn’t there.

MEL

As much as I hate Brian, Michael managed to actually make me hate him more. I couldn’t even blame this shit on Brian. It was me running my mouth that made them believe that they had any kind of power to get Brian away from Justin. I might hate the fucker, but there was no way they were going to get me to hurt Justin and be just like them and Brian. It was also the last straw with my cousin when they showed up at her house, demanding their way in. We ended up having to go back to the house I owned with Lindsay.

I got there first, to find Lindsay sitting behind the computer. As usual, she was looking up things on Justin. I knew she’d been worried about the way Brian’s life took over Justin’s, and how apparently Justin was giving up things. It’s the only time she saw her precious Peter as the asshole I’d been telling her he is.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, not even looking up.

“I got kicked out of my cousin's house because Deb and Michael wouldn’t leave when she asked them to.” I tell her.

“It wasn’t like we couldn’t have shared the house, you know, the way we did the last time. I’m sure we can clean up the attic for you.” She tells me.

“I’m sure you can use Gus’s room, since I pay for the house.” I tell her.

“Let’s be truthful, since you want that. Brian pays for it, and likely Justin.” She really enjoyed using that.

Michael and Deb once again barged in, and for once Lindsay didn’t hide her real feelings about the two of them. It’s something she never let Deb see before; the fact that Lindsay looked down on them.

“Look, I tried to tell you both, even with everything you and Michael could tell a judge, you won’t be the people they put in charge of Brian’s life. You can say whatever you want about Justin, but the people he could bring would only convince a judge that Justin is perfectly capable of acting for his husband.” I tell them, wishing I never brought up that Brian wasn’t competent of making decisions.

“Don’t fucking call Brian that shit’s husband!” Michael says, getting spit in my face as he screamed it.

“‘Husband’ implies that Brian is married, and guess what, it’s to JUSTIN.” Lindsay taunts. Then Michael turns and slaps the shit out of her.

No matter what our problems were, there was no way I could let Michael get away with hurting her. I didn’t think, I just reacted to the way Lindsay fell from the chair. My fist went flying, and so did Michael. Deb, of course found some way for it to be our fault, and then thought I’d let her hand connect, instead I moved, so she ended up falling on Michael. Before I could do anything, Deb was dragging Michael out the door and calling the police. When the police showed up, Deb made it sound like I hit all three of them, and fucking Lindsay didn’t say anything as they arrested me.

I sat in the cell, not calling anyone, just thinking about my life and the things that I didn’t have that Brian did. Justin wouldn’t have sat there not saying anything, no matter how many times Brian fucked up, and whether I like it or not, neither would Brian. I spent my life hating the fact that nothing touches him, and that he got everyone’s love no matter what he did. I thought about what Ted said for the first time, why did I need to put down Brian to be happy? I had all the time in the world to come up with an answer, because in truth, who would I call?

A couple hours later I heard my name and looked up to see Brian standing there shaking his head at me.

BRIAN

Dr Turner was explaining to us what Gus told her. He sat there not saying much, but I could tell after he hugged me that some of the stress that he had been feeling was easing for him. 

“I'm going to speak for Gus until he's more comfortable talking for himself. At any time, if I say something you aren’t ready for your Dads to hear, stop me.” She tells him. 

“Gus there isn't anything we don't want to know, even if it hurts to hear.” I tell him. 

“I know, but I don’t like hurting anyone.” He tells me. 

“Let's get the hardest thing for Gus out of the way. The cancer scares him, and he avoided talking about it because it made it real to him. I think it would help him to not only know that you're getting treatment, but exactly why. He didn’t know it was to get rid of other potentially harmful cells that might have been left behind. Which is likely because you and Justin hadn’t realized he needed more information. Before you both get upset, it's natural to want to protect him from worry. Only it's better for him to know, because the unknown leaves him open to the fear it's worse than it is.” She tells us. 

“Brian, I chose Margo because she had prior experience with cancer.” Alex tells me. 

“You had cancer?” Justin asks.

“No, I was in your shoes. My husband was the one with testicular cancer. We made the same mistake you and Brian did, by only telling our children things that we thought would keep them from worrying. Only they weren’t blind to my husband losing weight and being sicker than before we found out. The biggest problem was, until chemo, they still saw the healthy father they've always seen, after, they saw only that their father was sick, not that he was doing what it took to get better. Gus is going to see it that way unless he knows it's just what it takes to get you better.” She tells him. 

“What about Cameron?” Gus asks, showing me how unselfish my son was. 

“At three, he wouldn't understand what any of this means. For Cameron you can be the brother you are by helping him when your Dad can't.” She tells him. 

“I thought you said I needed to concentrate on me.” He tells her. 

“Yes, but it won't change your need to shield your siblings from hurt. It's something you'll do because it's who you are. You need to understand that you're not alone and have people in your life to share the burdens you put on yourself. Which apparently you trust Justin to help you with, and even your father when he disappointed you. Something I think your father needs to know. Do you want to tell him?” She asks him.

“Sonny Boy, it's okay.” I tell him, when he looked at the floor.

“Why do you call me that?” He asks instead of answering.

“It's just a name that my father called me.” I tell him, then knowing he needed to understand why, when there was nothing good he heard about Jack. “I call you that because it was my way of changing what the name meant when my father said it. I wanted to turn a name I feared into a name that showed love.” I tell him. 

“When you called me the day after my birthday, I hung up because I didn’t want you to accuse me of being selfish.” He tells me. 

I felt like complete and utter shit to hear the way I made him feel, but it was honest and not meant to hurt me. Which means I needed to be honest with him about why I wasn't there.

“Michael took off when I told him I was going to spend time with you and Justin. He ended up wrecking his car. I was at the hospital because I had to authorize treatment. When they finished treating him for his minor injuries, he started saying he'd kill himself if I left. The doctor and Deb basically made me believe he was serious. So I stayed, not wanting it to affect you.” I tell him. 

“You could have told Justin.” He tells me. 

“I'm not sure I would've listen if he did.” Justin tells him. 

“At least that makes sense.” Gus says, like he was convincing himself.

“It still wasn't right that you felt that way. It doesn't change that I should've been there.” I tell him. 

“I can deal with it, because it wasn’t you not wanting to be there, but Michael causing you to deal with him. It's something I would do, because we both care about everyone, even when they don't deserve it.” Gus tells me. 

It eased the tension on my shoulders, to hear he thinks he gets his protector gene from me.

“Do you want me to continue?” She asks Gus.

“For now. I'm still not sure how to say some of the things.” Gus tells her. 

“Before we get to his mothers and his confusion over his sexuality, I want to talk about Justin and his sister. Gus, like all kids when parents are experiencing problems, feels it had something to do with him. He believes Justin left because he told him to.” She tells us. 

“I left because I needed to, and because I didn’t want you or Cameron to think you should stay in a situation because it's easier than leaving. It’s something Ben taught me, without realizing it was how I saw his relationship with Michael. I never stopped loving Brian, but I loved you more in wanting us to be happy. I was wrong to leave you at the house waiting on your Dad.” Justin tells him. 

“I wanted to, you didn't make me.” He tells Justin.

“It shouldn't have been something you did. I let you be the grown up, when it was my job to face him. I'm sorry I didn't realize the responsibility I was placing on you. Something I depended on you for, not remembering that you're still as young as you are.” Justin tells him.

“It felt good that you saw me as more than a kid.” Gus tells him. 

“What about Jenny?” Justin asks.

“I don't think it's fair to Hunter that he has to take care of her.” Gus tells us.

“Why?” I ask. 

“He's in college, just starting his life, instead of having fun, he's raising Jenny. I'm worried, because like me, Jenny’s dealing with our mothers crap.” He tells us. 

“You think Hunter is being asked too much?” Dr Turner asks.

“Well yeah, he doesn't have my dads the way I do. It might have sounded like I didn’t think Dad would listen to me, but I know he would. He was just lost for a while because Michael and Deb do that to him.” He tells her. 

“I think it’s time you know a few things about Hunter. He knows if he needs anything that all he has to do is call. I made sure that he didn’t have to worry about supporting himself until he could. Hunter took the money as a loan for what he needed. Which I respected, even though I wanted to make it easier on him. I wanted him to have the time to do all the things you said, experience college life. Only Hunter isn’t there to party, but to work towards his goals, so he isn’t missing out on anything, because he doesn’t like to waste his time on things. He also knows that even if we wanted to keep Jenny with us, we can’t because we don’t have any say in her life.” Justin tells him.

“I promise you, that if Jenny needs anything, I’ll do what I can to make sure she gets it.” I tell him.

“I think she needs to have someone to talk to like I do.” Gus tells us.

“I’m willing, but Gus, like your fathers said, they can’t do anything her mothers or father won’t allow.” Dr Turner tells him.

“We’ll figure it out, I’m sure Hunter could talk Mel into it.” Justin tells him.

“She used to listen to you.” Gus tells him.

“Since we are on his mothers, I think we should talk about the things that his mama said that affected Gus’s view of you.” She tells me.

“It’s just I don’t want to see s... sex... as something that isn’t special. In a way, even if she didn’t mean it, the way she talked about you, it bothered me.” Gus tells us, not having an easy time saying sex.

“What I was doing isn’t what you will.” I tell him.

“I know, but it didn’t help when she would say things like I was going to grow up looking like you. She didn’t mean it in a bad way, which I’m sure it sounds. It was more that she implied that I was going to be good looking and driving people crazy to want to be with me. It’s something she said one time, that she got why men couldn’t resist you, because you and I had something that naturally attracted people to us.” He tells me. I had a hard time processing that Mel saw me as anything but the asshole who ruined her life.

“And that led you to worry that you would view sex the same way?” Dr Turner asked him, while Gus blushed.

“She made it sound like it was inevitable that I was going end up as conceited as my Dad, because we were both attractive.” Gus tells us.

“Can I interject?” Alex asks, and continues at our nods. “In my opinion it wasn’t conceit, but that your Dad used sex as a way to be close to people, when the night was over they were gone because that was as close as he could handle.” He tells us.

“He kept Justin.” Gus tell him.

“I trusted Justin, because I knew he wouldn’t take what he knew about me and use it. Maybe it’s because Justin was good at keeping secrets, or that I knew he was the person I wanted in my life.” I tell him.

“Because Justin loves us for who we are.” Gus tells me, as Justin leaned into me, trying not to cry at Gus’s words or mine.

“Just like you love me for who I am.” Justin managed to get out.

“I told Dr Turner that I don’t know if I want Mom or Mama in my life right now.” He tells us.

“Because they’re breaking up or because of the way they tried to take you away from us?” I ask him.

“They’re always breaking up, but I don’t like that they think they know anything about what anyone needs when they can’t see what’s wrong with them. I didn’t tell you, but the reason I asked to live with you was because it got tiring to watch the two of them pretend they love each other anymore. Something I saw more clearly because I got to see what love was by watching you and Justin.” He tells us.

“Which means you understand that sex can be more than a game. Gus, one of the things that everyone will experience in life is that sometimes sex can mean different things. It doesn’t mean it’s anything less special because you don’t love the person, but that you enjoy what you're doing. It’s possible that for you, you need to be in love to enjoy it, which is perfectly fine. Just remember that when you do decide to take that step that it’s a step that comes with responsibility and shouldn’t be something you do unless you're ready and prepared.” Dr Turner tells him.

“It’s something Dad pretty much made sure I understood, that protection isn’t just for me but for the person I’m with.” He tells her.

“Which I’m glad you listened to him about, but it’s also something if you're not ready for, could hurt not just you but the person you're with, if you both go into something without an understanding of what it means to both people.” She tells me.

“It’s why I wouldn’t go further with Luke. I know he has a crush on me, but I’m not sure how I feel about him.” Gus tells us.

“It makes sense, because you aren’t sure about your sexuality.” Dr Turner adds.

“I know guys turn me on, but so do girls. After Mom screwed around with a guy, she used it sometimes to make Mel think it was her fault for not being all the things Mom wanted. It’s why I wish I was either straight or gay not in the middle.” Gus tells us.

“Being Bi is completely possible. For you it’s not the person’s gender, but the person. Which will make the person you fall in love with special because you love the person inside, not the packaging.” Justin tells him.

“I never really thought of it like that, but yeah, for me it’s about meeting the person who loves me the way my Dad loves you.” Gus tells him

We left with Gus saying he’d like to see Dr Turner again. Dr Turner asked what we thought of the chances of the mothers being willing to meet with her. She wanted to familiarize herself with the people in Gus’s life. I didn’t make any promises, because I knew it would be a fight to get Mel to believe anything. Gus was smiling when we left, saying he really didn’t believe talking would change anything, but it did. 

At least it was until his phone was ringing non-stop as we were leaving. He kept ignoring the calls, until as usual, Lindsay drove him crazy calling back after each time he sent her to voicemail. I wanted to ring her neck when Gus hung up and seemed lost about what he was supposed to do.

“What?” I ask him.

“Nothing, if Mama needs help she can call someone who she thinks is so much better than you.” He tells me.

“Gus, just tell us.” Justin tells him.

“Mama’s in jail, something about her fighting with Michael and Deb.” He tells us.

“Does Lindsay need the money to bail Mel out?” Justin asks.

“She said she wanted to talk to Justin about it, not you. I hung up when she started telling me she needed me to help her.” He tells us.

“What about Mel? Is she planning to get Mel out of jail?” I ask.

“Dad, it’s not your problem.” He tells me.

“I’ll go get her.” Justin tells us.

“No, you need to get Cameron and I’ll deal with this.” I tell them, not willing to listen to any argument.

I called Ted to tell him to find out what was going on and meet me at the police station. Carl was waiting for us when we got there. When he found out Ted and I were on our way he made Deb and Michael leave the station. Carl had an officer watch them when they insisted on sitting across the street, after finding out that I was on my way there. They both stood when I got out of the car but I didn’t bother with either of them and went straight in. Ted had learned and didn’t try to talk to them either. Ted went to see about the bail, mumbling under his breath that I needed to stop saving the idiots. 

“I want her to stay in the cell until after I talk to her.” I tell him, before following Carl to the cell.

Mel didn’t look like she’d been hurt, but then according to what Carl was able to hear, they made it sound like Mel just went nuts and started throwing punches.

“Did Lindsay even try to get Mel out?” I asked.

“I doubt she would when according to Deb, Mel hit Lindsay too. Which Lindsay didn’t deny, but she didn’t accuse Mel of anything, just didn’t defend Mel. I’m not really sure, other than the officers said Lindsay had a mark on her face that looked like someone slapped her. Which if I was a betting man I’d say Deb would be the culprit but then Mel would only say that it wasn’t Deb. How did you find out?” Carl asks me.

“Lindsay called Gus, once again to drag him into her shit.” I tell him, going in to see Mel.

I could only shake my head at her sitting in the cell, because anything else would have me going in there and asking what the hell was wrong with them. 

“What are you doing here?” Mel said, sounding defeated.

“It’s the question I asked myself the minute my son was put in the middle of your shit.” I tell her.

“What the hell are you talking about, Gus was with you.” She tells me.

“It doesn’t matter where he is, which for your information was therapy, because his parents put him there. Only he couldn’t feel good about the things he was able to talk about because you and Lindsay decided to have a war with each other. It should have been about what he needs, but look where we are. Instead of putting this shit on him, because he doesn’t know how not to do that, I decided to deal with you and let him be the kid he hasn’t been.” I tell her.

“Which with you as his father should be normal for him.” She said, once again passing the blame.

“Be careful, because right now I’m the only person willing to help you. I had to make Ted come here with me, since he thinks a couple nights in here would do you good. Justin was willing to come here, not because he wanted to help you but because he didn’t want Gus to feel like it was his responsibility to have to deal with any of his parents, when we all seem to forget everything.” I tell her, making sure she knows I know exactly what she told Ted.

“Once again you're the goddamn hero. I’m sure Deb and Michael told you what they wanted you to hear and you believed every word.” She tells me.

Interesting that she didn’t know they couldn’t come near me or my family. “I wouldn’t know, I actually came here to hear why you were, from all accounts, beating Lindsay while Michael and Deb tried to stop you and got hurt in the process. Which I didn’t hear from them, but is what Carl told me he heard. I also heard that your wife didn’t say anything, which is why you're sitting in the cell.” I tell her.

“We can’t all have someone like Justin, who is willing to forgive you even though you fucked up. Why not go comfort Wendy, since it’s obvious you’re enjoying that I’m in here.” She tells me.

“I’m not enjoying this at all, but I need to know what went on, because I just don’t believe in laying hands on the person I love, or in my father’s case, blamed for his life being shit. I’m giving you the opportunity you never gave me, the benefit of the doubt. Once you explain to me why you're in the cell and no one else is, then we need to talk about Gus and what you were telling him about me.” I tell her.

“I told him the truth, if you didn’t like it, you shouldn’t have lived it.” She tells me.

“I’ll give you that you told him the truth, but you know what you really did? You made him have a problem with his own sexuality and live in fear that he’d become the Whore of Liberty Avenue, just like his old man. One thing I never wanted for Gus was to be afraid of telling us he might be gay, straight, or bi, which in case you don’t know, he isn’t sure. What he is sure of is that he doesn’t want to be compared to the life I lived, which he shouldn’t even know about. Does it feel good to know that by saying the shit you did, it hurt Gus?” I ask her.

“I didn’t want him hearing it from strangers, since all of Liberty Avenue knew. I told him to warn him of what your reputation really is. That it wasn’t something to aspire too.” She tells me.

“Why, because you wish it was yours?” I ask, noticing her flinch. “I really don’t give a damn how you view anything about me, but I do care that it caused Gus to worry that it was inevitable that he’d be like me one day. Which I’m sure was not what you thought you were doing by saying that shit to him, but it’s the end result of your well meaning words. Instead of arguing about it, you need to explain to me why I should bail your ass out of here.” I tell her.

“I didn’t touch Lindsay, but I couldn’t just stand there when Michael slapped her for taunting him that Justin was your husband. So I punched him and then Deb tried to hit me. She landed on top of Michael who hit her with his elbow. When the police came Deb told them I hit Lindsay and Michael. Michael, yes I did. For some reason Lindsay didn’t say anything when they asked her, just walked back in the house. I’m sure she’s just getting back at me for leaving her.” She tells me.

“How did Michael not end up in the cell next door?” I ask.

“It was my word against him and Deb, since Wendy didn’t defend me.” She tells me.

“Then I’ll have you out as soon as they let you out. Do you have anywhere to go?” I ask.

“You believe me?” She asks.

“You’ve never been the liar in your marriage, so yes I believe what you’ve told me is the truth.” I tell her.

“Where do you plan to go when you get out of here?” I ask her.

“Fuck if I know, it’s not like I want to see Lindsay, because I’m likely to actually hit her for not saying anything. Shit, I can’t even go back to my cousin’s house after Deb and Michael barged in. I don’t know.” She tells me.

“I’ll let you stay at the loft on a few conditions.” I tell her.

“What?” She asks.

“I want you to see Gus’s therapist, and hear what is bothering Gus so much that he thought you were one of the people he needed to let go from his life. Then I want you to agree to therapy on how to repair your relationship with Gus and Jenny, which if you’ll agree, we can set Jenny up with appointments with the doctor that Gus is seeing. The last condition is that we have to declare a truce, and you have to trust me that Gus needs to be left alone until he’s ready to deal with both you and Lindsay.” I tell her.

“What, your not happy that Gus is ready to kick me out of his life?” She asks me.

“You really don’t get it do you? I don’t care if you hate my guts, but I do care that the child you asked of me, is loved the way you and your wife promised me he would be. I care that Jenny needs more than to depend on her brothers because you and Lindsay can’t get your shit together. I’m giving you the chance to make a choice, be the mother you seem to think you are and make it up to your kids. Something I understand, because I let other shit get in the way of my kids. We are not going to be friends, but we are going to make sure Gus doesn’t feel like he does right now, in the future.” I tell her.

“What about Lindsay, are you going to make her do this too?” She asks.

“Nope, but then I’m not bailing Lindsay out of jail. Right now I don’t like that she let you hang for defending her. If Lindsay wants to be around Gus, then for once she has to do it herself, without me doing it for her.” I tell her.

“But you're basically making me do it.” She tells me.

“It’s the only way to get you to do it, just so you can prove me wrong, that you couldn’t have done anything to hurt Gus or Jenny.” I tell her.

“Are you offering Michael the same thing?” She asks, not being able to let me go without a swipe.

“Michael who? There isn’t anyone in my life by that name that matters to me anymore. Also just so you know, anyone named Novotny can not be near Gus. Otherwise they’ll get the full Pittsburgh PD treatment, something I never aspired to.” I tell her.

“I guess you didn’t give me a choice, did you?” She asks me.

“One thing I know is that we all have choices in life. What we do with the choices are what determine where we end up. Yours got you here, because you alienated everyone who at one time defended you. One of the things you always said was that I was teflon and maybe you were right, because my choices didn’t lose the shit I should have lost, and you want to know why? Because I married a man who fucking loved me enough to stay and try to figure out where we went wrong. He wouldn’t let me take the blame I want to take, but was willing to see that neither of us were perfect. He is able to do something you and Lindsay couldn’t do, see that being right isn’t the most important thing. So yes I’m a teflon coated bastard, but it’s because I’m willing to see that I’m wrong, which is something you can’t see about yourself.” I tell her, walking out to go home. 

“They said it could be an hour before she’s released.” Ted tells me.

“I’m going home, if you want to stay you can, or you can leave her the key to the loft and money to get a cab.” I tell him.

“You’re really going to let her stay at the loft?” He asks.

“Only if she goes to the therapist who’s seeing Gus. If not, she’s out and can figure it out on her own. I’m not helping her for any reason but that Gus needs me to.” I tell him.

JUSTIN

Luke showed up to see if Gus wanted to hang out. Gus tried to make an excuse to stay home, but ended up going. He told me that he needed to talk to Luke, because he didn’t want Luke to mistake his feelings for more than he felt. I sat with Cameron on the floor as he colored, hoping Mel didn’t piss Brian off for getting her out. Nick came over without Daphne an hour later. 

“So, I was in the middle of target practice when I was told about a little restraining order that covered a continent. Those don’t happen often, and I wasn’t surprised they went all out for their favorite artist. I was surprised when I was informed I was assigned to guard your ass. Apparently they're hoping you'll agree to London. Which means Brian will be here dealing with two kids and chemo while you and I go.” He tells me. 

“I can’t leave Brian right now.” I tell him. 

“Which I explained, but they want you.” He tells me. 

“What about the other guy?” I ask. 

“It's more that you have a real reason to be there and the target happens to be the guy hosting the shindig. The other guy doesn't have your in to be invited to the places you will be. Either way I'll be here but they were hoping you'd do it.” He tells me. 

“Brian and I are trying to work things out, and I doubt going will help our marriage.” I tell him.

“I agree, but it won't stop them from trying to get you to go. If it helps, Daphne is willing to stay here with Brian and help him, which her being a doctor is a plus.” He tells me. 

“Why would Daphne need to be here?” Brian asks from the doorway.

“Cameron, want to go help me make Dada’s shake?” Nick asks, picking him up.

Brian waited until Cameron kissed him and went to the kitchen. It wasn’t a conversation we could avoid, even when I wish it was.

“You're leaving?” He asks.

“If you tell me no, I won’t. I don’t have to say yes, and I promised you I wouldn't do it anymore.” I tell him.

“When do they want you?” He asks.

“It’s the same job, the seminar in London. I turned it down but the host called my agent a few times asking me to reconsider. I won’t go if you don’t want me to. I really don’t want to leave when you're about to start chemo. The only the reason they offered it to me was because I was already going to be there.” I tell him.

“When do you have to go if you say yes?” He asks.

“In a week, right after your first treatment. Only I want to be here to make sure you’re okay.” I tell him.

“Emmett agreed to come over and help, and Daphne and I need to work out our problems with each other.” He tells me, once again not thinking about himself but me.

“I don’t care who can be here, they aren’t me. They don’t love you the way I do.” I tell him.

“Which I can only say thank you that you still feel the same way. I want to tell you no, but I also know how much you gave up when I left everything up to you. If you really don’t want to do it, then it’s your choice, but for once think of what you need.” He tells me.

“I need you.” I tell him, holding him tighter.

“I need you too, and will still need you when you get back.” He tell me.

“What about our appointments with Alex and Gus? How can I leave knowing our family is still healing?” I argue.

“It will give me time to heal some of the problems that had nothing to do with you. When you come back, hopefully with Alex’s help I’ll be able to give you a real reason for everything I let Michael get away with.” He tells me.

I was so distracted by the fact that I did and didn’t want to do this, and wishing Brian would give me a reason not to go, that I didn’t realize something else going on. Brian stiffened and I moved back while we both looked down at the growing bulge that had been absent lately.

“Seriously? Now?” Brian wasn’t talking to me.

“Nick, Brian and I need to talk!” I yelled, pulling Brian up the stairs. I’ll blame it on a year where sex was something that only seemed to happen when Brian and I were pissed at each other.

“Got it! Cameron and I are going to see Aunt Daph.” Nick yells.

“Justin, I can’t believe I’m about to say this but, are you sure?” Brian asks when we shut the bedroom door. 

“Brian, sex was never our problem, and yes I’m absolutely sure. My hand can only take so much.” I tell him, stripping out of my clothes, which landed on top of his.

In our whole relationship, the one thing Brian and I communicated well in, was this. We both could say a thousand words with our bodies that seemed to be hard to say with our mouths. I pushed Brian on the bed and kissed my way down to the hard evidence that he wanted me. Brian framed my head in his hands before taking over and thrusting in my mouth. It turned me on when his body arched, trying to get more of him in my mouth. I could be loud, but I also knew how to make Brian lose control. I learned what he liked because I listened to his body. I didn’t see the scar as anything but Brian making sure he didn’t leave us. I kissed it before taking him back into my mouth.

Brian stopped me when he was close. “If I can’t get hard again like usual, I want to be inside you before I cum.” He tells me.

Brian and I switched up depending on his mood. I honestly wanted to be held down and dominated by him, something we hadn’t done in a long time. Something he seemed to understand, that it was more about me always in control in my normal life, that in bed with him I wanted to let go of it. I did it for him too, when he was tired of dealing with everyone. I was on my stomach when he bit one cheek then the other, separating them and tracing around my rim before licking from my balls back to my ass. I spread my thighs further apart, moaning into the pillow. He used his thumbs to open me more and used his tongue to show me what was coming as he ate me out. 

“I need you.” I managed to get out, when my whole body was vibrating at what he could do to it. 

He turned me over and shoved a pillow under me, grabbing the lube and holding up a condom.

“You told me you didn’t do anything. I trust you.” I tell him, throwing the condom to the floor.

It was like I flipped a switch in him, he was no longer careful. He positioned his thick cock and pushed in slowly until he was seated to the hilt. Then didn’t wait but pulled out and thrust hard into me. I felt full, and it wasn’t easy taking him when we hadn’t had sex as often as we did in the past. My cock was leaking all over my stomach as Brian angled against my prostate over and over again. He leaned down kissing me again, not slowing down but speeding up. Brian pulled back stroking me as he slammed into me harder, waiting until I erupted between us covering both of us. Brian kept his eyes on mine until his body released and then arched his head back, as he held himself against me and came. He laid on top of me, limp in body, but apparently not anywhere else.

I thought about what Brian was attempting to make easier for me to do, and started to wonder why I even considered it. I left Brian sleeping and picked up my phone, going to the bathroom to call someone I hadn’t called in years. He answered pretty much the minute the first ring was over.

“This is a surprise, what do I owe the honor of you remembering my number?” Ethan flirted.

“How about doing me a favor for setting you up with your husband.” I tell him.

“Please, the minute Cody saw me, you had nothing to do with it.” He laughs.

“I need you.” I tell him.

“Anytime.” He tells me.

“They wanted a guest speaker to talk at the Arts and Music seminar, they’d take you if you’ll do it, because it’s more about wanting a star to give people a reason to be there.” I tell him.

“Sure, I planned to be in Europe anyway, but that isn’t all, is it?” He asks.

“I need Cody to do the rest while pretending to adore you so he can be in the right places.” I tell him.

“The adoring part is easy, but where are the right places?” He asks.

“If Cody agrees then he’ll be told what he needs to do.” I tell him.

“He said he does.” Ethan tells me.

“Sorry, Ethan likes to irritate me with you, which he hasn’t figured out doesn’t work.” Cody tells me laughing. “Just tell them I’ll do it for you.” Cody tells me.

“Thanks, I need to be home, not making a speech right now.” I tell them.

“We’ll be in town in a couple weeks, how about we get together.” Cody tells me.

“Call me, if Brian’s up for it then we’ll make plans.” I tell them.

“I’m glad whatever was going on is working out for you.” Ethan tells me.

“We’re both working on it, there are a couple of other issues that are getting in the way right now.” I tell him.

“If you need us sooner we can be there.” Cody tells me.

“Thanks, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Although there are a few obstacles in my path.” I tell them.

“You’ve always found a way around them, so do that.” Cody tells me, before hanging up.

“Why did you do that?” Brian asks.

“What?” I ask pretending I didn’t have a clue.

“Give up what you wanted.” He tells me.

“I didn’t. I chose what I wanted and found away to clear the way to get it.” I tell him.

“I would have been okay with what we talked about.” He lies.

“You would have worried about me, when you needed to save all your strength for what’s ahead. You don’t think I didn’t know one of the reasons you hated what I did. It’s because you could only imagine what was happening to me. I didn’t tell you the details because I didn’t want you to know that what you imagined wasn’t that far from the truth.” I tell him.

“A truth that not knowing, only left me with the unknown to fuel my nightmares.” He tells me.

“When the helicopter was shot down, we barely made it away before it blew. We ended up in the jungle in the wrong country, with nothing but what we had on us to survive with. Which we did, but not without having to run and keep running until we made to a safe zone. The reason I didn’t want Gus or you to see me when I got back was because I didn’t want either of you to know I was shot and ended up with an infection because we didn’t have anything but what was in the first aid kits Nick managed to take with him. I was skin and bones from three weeks of only eating what we could find while running. Nick managed to stop the bleeding, but there was nothing to stop the infection, because nature, as pretty as it is, can kill you. I wasn’t shot because they were targeting me, but because I was with Nick and his team. In fact, most people never connect me to the end result of what I do. While I’m sure it would be safe to go to London, it means that I leave you at a time when you need me. It’s stupid to take even an easy assignment when my mind will be here wanting to be with you. So I found a way that I could offer to get what I wanted. They needed someone who would be invited to places that most people aren’t, Ethan fits the bill. Only, Ethan can’t do what I do beyond making a speech, but his husband Cody can, so problem solved. Before you say anything about me giving up something for you. I didn’t give it up for just you, but for our children.” I tell him.

“You chose us, that’s all I needed to hear.” He tells me.

Yes, and in that I also needed to figure out how to deal with the other shit that got in my way. Which for now I let go, because other things were coming up which lessened Brian’s fear about the effects of cancer on us. I knew sex didn’t solve anything, but I wasn’t using it to solve anything but because I needed this to feel he was alive and going to get better. 

MEL

I sat on the sofa, staring out the window and trying to figure out how I got to this place in my life. It didn’t make sense that I did everything right and somehow I’m the one alone. How did he do it, keep the people in his life with the shit he did? I didn’t have a clue what I did that caused my life to become exactly what I predicted his would be. I fought for people, got rid of my wild side, and settled down and raised my children, in hopes they would see the right way to be. Only I’m the one with no one who gives a shit about me. It didn’t make sense to me, no matter how many ways I tried to see how I went wrong and he always seems to get it right, regardless of what he does.

I jumped when the loft door slid open, not expecting anyone. I knew Brian changed all the codes and locks, so there shouldn’t be anyone but me able to get in here. 

“You need to get dressed, because I don’t have all day to cater to your ass.” Cynthia tells me.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I ask her.

“I’m here because Brian doesn’t feel Ted should have to deal with you. Plus he knows that there is nothing you can say to me to twist me to your side.” She tells me.

“Great, another fan.” I muttered.

“Nope, more like someone who doesn’t think it’s my business to judge anyone but myself. Just so you know, if I was going to judge someone, you wouldn’t like what I think of you and your wife.” She tells me, going into the bedroom I wouldn’t go into. “Now get off your ass and get dressed, I don’t have all day and your driver isn’t going to be happy that she has to wait for you.” She orders me.

“Driver?” I ask, as she throws some clothes at me.

“Yes, since apparently Brian didn’t trust you to go to your appointment without being taken. Unfortunately for you, the person taking you seems to want to judge you. So do yourself a favor and don’t give her more reasons to be pissed at you than she already is. You originally had two appointments, but it would probably be easier to see them both at the same time. I talked to Alex Wilder and he said that it would be easier for Dr Turner to sit in with you. It’s up to you which way you want to do it.” She tells me.

“I suppose Brian wants to know everything that’s said in the appointments.” I tell her, as she glares at me to hurry up.

“He really doesn’t give a damn what you say, just that you do it to help Gus. Even with me never wanting kids, it pisses me off what you did to yours.” She tells me.

“I guess it’s office gossip, way to go asshole.” I tell her.

“No, it’s that I know Gus, and could see the difference in him anytime he spent time with you and Lindsay. When he stayed with Justin and Brian he didn’t look like he just escaped a prison. Now can you hurry, I have a campaign that I need to finish and I don’t have all day to pamper the wicked stepmother of this tale.” She tells me.

“If I’m the wicked stepmother than what is Lindsay?” I asked only because I didn’t like the name I called myself at times.

“The pampered princess when I’m feeling nice, but the other names are really not something I like to say in public. Really, I like you more, but that doesn’t say much because Lindsay’s barely a step up from the Novotny duo in my eyes.” She tells me.

Once I was dressed, she ushered me out the door and left me standing next to the car that was waiting on me. At first I didn’t think anything of the fact that Jen was driving me. Normally she and I agreed on Brian, only apparently not any longer.

“I only agreed to do this because Brian and Justin are dealing with enough right now.” She tells me.

“Now you're back on his side?” I ask her.

“My only side is my sons and grandchildren. Which Brian respected, because as much as I love Brian, he knows that being a mother, it’s natural to want your children to be happy. Which also means that yes, I’m on his side, because I can see where I was wrong to interfere in their life, and he became my son the day he married Justin.” She tells me.

“How can you forgive him for hurting everyone?” I ask her.

“If by everyone, you mean Justin and his children, it’s not my place to forgive him, it’s theirs. I made judgements based on things that might not have been the truth, and that doesn’t sit well with me. How can you sit there and act like it didn’t matter that you did the same thing? Being a lawyer, does it feel good to know that the only thing you could do was make him guilty without even looking to see if maybe there was more going on than what you wanted to believe? I’m not saying Brian is completely without fault in everything, but you’re not that innocent either. Do him a favor and make the money he’s paying to get you help, not a waste.” She tells me.

“Gus needed to know who Brian was.” I tell her.

“Gus needed to see what you wanted him to know about Brian. Brian’s past exploits have nothing to do with who he is now, or how he parents his children. Can you say your past is clean, or are there things that Gus should know about you? You know, in case he runs into a part of your life that you left behind. I’m sure there were parts of your Harley driving days that would make for some interesting life lessons for Gus. But it’s strange that you didn’t warn your children about the folly of your youth, just Brian’s.” She tells me.

“Jenny knew about her father too.” I defend myself.

“Good job, I mean fair’s fair when we want to screw up our kids, right? Never mind, the doctors are waiting for you to tell them how you only said the things you did to the children because it was for their own good. Enjoy.” She tells me, parking at the door.

“I never wanted Justin hurt, but I couldn’t get him to see Brian for who he was.” I tell her.

“How could you do that, when you didn’t bother to know Brian?” She asks me, before driving off.

Alex was standing at the reception desk and smiled when I came in. I really didn’t expect him to be smiling at me, why I didn’t really know. 

“How do you want to do this?” He asks.

“I don’t.” I tell him.

“Okay, then I need the key to Brian’s loft and where you want your things sent.” He tells me, as if he could care less what I did.

“I said I would do this.” I tell him.

“There isn’t a point if you don’t want to do it. It’s a waste of time, and Brian and Justin’s money, if you don’t come here wanting to figure out what you need to.” He tells me.

“I already know everyone thinks I’m a shitty mother and wife, sorry if I didn’t want to keep hearing it.” I tell him.

“I don’t think anything, other than it might help to talk about why you think that about yourself.” He tells me.

“Can we just talk?” I ask.

“Yes. But the question is do you want us to do this alone, before you see Dr Turner, or will you allow her there as an observer who is hoping to help you with Gus and Jenny.” He tells me.

“If she wants to be there, it’s fine.” I tell him.

He led me into his office, which was really like a living room. He didn’t sit behind his desk, instead getting comfortable in one of the seats waving me to pick where I wanted to sit.

“Before Dr Turner gets here, I’d like us to have time to talk about anything you need to talk about first. Clear the air, rant, and say anything you want, because once you’re done we’ll deal with some of the things you said.” He tells me, making me look at him strangely. “It helps sometimes to get what bothers you off your chest, knowing no one will stop you.” He tells me.

“I don’t understand why my life is a mess when I did everything right. I picked a career that helped people, not sold them shit they didn’t need. I gave Lindsay everything, but somehow she still sees Brian as better than me. The people I called my friends, who at one time Brian treated like crap, don’t even talk to me, because I won’t join in the Kinney fan club. I wanted children, and made the mistake of thinking that it didn’t matter that one of the fathers was a selfish asshole and the other was petulant asshole, because I would be the parent my children needed. Yet somehow they have more respect for a drugged up, tricking asshole, than me. I live with the fact that nothing I do makes anyone see me as someone worth keeping in their life.” It hurt to say it all.

“When did the feelings of inadequacy start for you?” He asks.

“What?” I ask.

“It’s in everything you just said, you don’t feel like anyone sees you as good enough. When did it start, I’m assuming pretty early in life.” He tells me.

“My parents were the normal parents who pushed me to become successful. They weren’t happy in my choice of law because I wouldn’t really make much. They didn’t see that I wanted to make a difference, not worry about how much I made. Then it was that I wasn’t going to marry a nice Jewish boy, but instead brought home Lindsay. It wasn’t really that they wanted to disapprove of my life, it was that I didn’t make the choices they wanted.” I tell them.

“What were Lindsay’s actions that made you feel as like you weren’t everything she wanted?” He asks.

“She came from money, so the adjustment to living on a budget was hard for her. When she told her parents she was a lesbian they cut her off, refusing to support her. She didn’t realize me being an attorney didn’t mean I’d make a huge salary. In her social set, lawyers didn’t take clients unless they could pay massive fees, so I can understand why it shocked her that I wasn’t making the kind of money the people she was raised around did.” I tell him.

Dr Turner came in and introduced herself and told me she was only here to listen so we could avoid repeating questions I might answer with Alex. It wasn’t comfortable to have another person there, and Alex’s next question made it worse.

“Why does Brian make you feel inadequate? Yes, you pretty much spelled that one out.” He tells me, when I tried to shake my head to deny it.

“I just don’t like that people see him as some kind of God they worship, to the point of losing anything to be with him. Look at Michael…” He stopped me before I could say more.

“This isn’t going to be a session to bash anyone, I want it to be so you can talk about where your problems stem from. Truthfully, the only question I have about Michael’s role in your life is why you picked him to be the father of your child when you don’t like him. And why you used Brian if you didn’t want him in your life permanently. Beyond that, we need to talk about what we can do to help you see yourself as the person you want to be.” He tells me.

“I hated that Brian never had to work to have men beating down his door. Then even when he ignored them, it made them want him more. After he married Justin, the men of Liberty Avenue mourned the loss of the Stud. None of them saw Justin as anything other than the man who landed Brian Kinney. Justin was so much more; he helped people by making sure people couldn’t turn a blind eye to what was going on in the world. He’s a famous artist, but in Pittsburgh the only thing they care about is that he married the ultimate bachelor.” 

“Okay we need to stop again. I understand that your life tends to be shadowed by Brian, but I really don’t see where you believe Justin’s is too. In the world outside Liberty Avenue, the only one famous is Justin, you narrowed the field to prove your point and take the spotlight off my question. Which is, why you let Brian make you feel inadequate.” Alex tells me.

“Because I could do everything Brian could, but unlike him, no one would see me as anything but a bitch with something to prove.” I tell him.

“Who do you need to prove something to, other than your children and Lindsay?” He asks.

“The whole damn world. I spent my life being treated differently because I was a woman, to the point where I hated the fact that Lindsay had Gus, not because Brian was the father, but because Lindsay depended on him for everything. I had to watch as he handed over money to support us, because I couldn’t support us by myself when Lindsay decided that she didn’t want to work until Gus was in school. Which is not what we talked about. But it didn’t matter, because Brian liked the idea that Gus wasn’t stuck with strangers all day. Every decision I tried to make, had to have Brian’s seal of approval, since Lindsay went to him to pay for it. Then she lied to me, saying it was money from Michael, because unlike Brian, Michael kept custody. I ended up letting the guy who made me feel like less, support me.” I tell him.

“Did he say something to make sure you felt like that?” He asks.

“No.” I tell him.

“Than who did?” He asks.

“Lindsay did, when she compares what Brian can do versus what we can do. Me, for not wanting a man to do what I should be doing for my family.” I tell him.

“Then why focus your blame on Brian, or even Michael? Because they had one of the necessary ingredients you needed to have the family you want? Which in truth, why not go with someone who you didn’t have to deal with by using a sperm bank?” He asks.

“Because it’s was the only way Lindsay would have the baby.” I tell him.

“Adoption was out of the question?” He asks.

“It was more than we could afford. We couldn’t even afford the clinic Brian forced us to use when we used him. When Michael was the donor...” I tell him.

“Why do you think Brian forced you? He tricked, and knew there was a possibility that he could put not only Lindsay at risk but the baby too, if everything wasn’t tested. It wasn’t done for any reason I can think of but to make sure Lindsay and Gus were healthy. To me it sounds like he was doing what he could to give you a healthy child and wife.” He tells me.

“Then it would also mean Lindsay doesn’t give a shit, because we didn’t even bother past the test that said Michael was clear a couple months before we did it ourselves.” I tell him.

“Which is it?” He asks.

“It’s easier to blame the person who isn’t supposed to matter to me.” I tell him.

“Only is it really the truth?” He asks.

“I want it to be, because then my whole life makes me the liar.” I tell him.

“Then let's make you the truth teller. I’m going to stop now, because I think you need time to process what we talked about. Then decide if you feel seeing me will benefit you. I’m going to let you and Dr Turner talk alone about Gus, so that when and if you're ready to talk about Gus, we do it with you telling me, not me overhearing you.” He tells me, walking out.

“I hope you understand I only asked to be here because I needed to know about you and how you perceive the other parents of your children. It helps me when the children get confused about the family dynamics. In this case it has a lot to do with the alternative aspect of their upbringing.” She tells me.

“Because we’re all gay?” I asked, not liking the way she made it sound.

“No, because in this case, it’s like divorce, where the original parents bring other people into the child’s life. Which means there are more than two authority figures who are the central role in their lives. One of the things we could talk about, because for Gus it was the easiest, is Justin. Unlike the three other parents, Gus’s relationship with Justin, for him, is solid and safe. In fact, he tends to want to shield Justin, the way he does his siblings. What I can tell you is that although his Dad disappointed him, he still wants a relationship with Brian. Which leaves me with you and your wife. Gus is pulling away from that relationship and even though it hurts him that he wants to, it’s because he worries more about his sister and how she feels. What I want to do is find a way to keep him from losing his mothers, and for that I need your help. I need to know that you can support him through therapy and find a way to not say things that put down the father he loves. What you need to understand, is that how Gus interpreted your words might not have been what you meant him to think, but it ended up confusing him.” She tells me.

“I just told him about his father’s life.” I tell her.

“Then compared him in looks and appeal to his father. Which led to him thinking that how he views sex won’t matter, because like his father, he’ll end up doing the same things. Which for Gus, isn’t something he wants. But he felt like it was the path he was going on if he acted on his sexual feelings. Which is also confusing for him, since he really isn’t sure of anything other than he can go either way. That bothers him because of his mother also possibly being bisexual, and the way it seems to be a cause of some of the conflicts in your marriage.” She tells me.

“Did we do anything right for Gus?” I ask, hating myself for my part in Gus’s problems.

“No parent is perfect, and mistakes are made, what I want to do is try to find a way to help your children, which means helping you by explaining the issues we’re facing with them. One of the things that will help both your children is that instead of feeling defensive, you find a way to solve the problems and agree that you need help in parenting them. Which you can do if you are willing to be part of the process and not the problem. I do need to know the status of your relationship with your wife, because it seems to be one of the issues Gus has with both of you.” She tells me.

“I don’t see us as staying together after what happened yesterday. I can’t tell you what Lindsay will do, but I can’t sit here after hearing all of that and pretend everyone else is to blame when my words were what caused my son to doubt the person he is.” I tell her.

“Then we can work together at helping not only the children, but your relationship with the children. Thank you.” She tells me.

I left the office and Justin was waiting outside for me. He opened his car door and got in without saying anything, just drove us to the loft. He followed me in and sat there, not angry, just patient with me, being the man I admired because he didn’t look at me as if I was all the things I hated about myself. I sat there wanting to say so many things to him. Mostly because I let him down, by not supporting him but almost berating him for marrying the man he loved, because I no longer understood what love was. I hated the tears that fell, because it felt weak to show them, but he didn’t make me feel like I was weak for it. Instead he let me burrow into his side and get it all out.

“Great, tears.” Brian said at the door.

“Only because I wish I’d married him, asshole.” I tell him, not making it sound like anything but what it was, my jealousy that Brian found someone who gave him everything I never had with Lindsay.

BRIAN

As much as I didn’t want to give a shit about what Mel was feeling, I knew what it was like to leave a session with Alex. He made you face the things that you didn’t want to hear about yourself. So I let Justin pick her up and deal with her first, coming after because I needed to know that she was going to help with Gus. Something that, as his parents we needed to do.

“Since he doesn’t have a twat and you don’t have a dick I don’t see that idea working out for either of you.” I tell her.

“Okay you two, we aren’t here to see who can one-up the other.” Justin tells us. 

“No, we’re here to find out if you plan to help or hinder what’s going on with the kids. After that, we need to talk about what happened yesterday, because it’s not something that will look good if Deb’s threat to take Jenny away from you comes through.” I tell her.

“What?” She asks.

“Carl came over to tell us that after he arrested Deb and Michael for violating the restraining order by staying across the street when it wasn’t the five hundred yards that was ordered. Deb and Michael pretty much said they were going to sue for custody of Jenny because you’re unstable after beating your wife. They also made it clear that they hold Justin responsible for alienating me and Jenny from them, and want him prohibited from seeing Jenny or Hunter. Which is kind of joke, at least where Hunter is concerned, but not so much where Jenny is. I also don’t get why they felt the police were supposed to do something about it. It seems to puzzle Carl too, so he came over to let us know he’s already warned child services of the situation with me and you, if they end up getting a call.” I tell her.

“Are they both insane? Never mind, clearly they are.” I tell him.

“Which is why we are here to talk to you and explain what’s been going on with us. Brian and I have a restraining order, which bars them from contact with us and our kids. So we can’t be anywhere they are, and won’t be able to help you unless you subpoena us to court. Brian is more than willing to tell what he knows about what Michael has been doing the last year. I’m hoping you have some way to prove you didn’t do what you ended up arrested for, because I have a feeling it will be brought up.” Justin tells her.

“There was only the four of us at the house when it happened. I don’t know how to prove anything.” She tells us.

“I can at least give you something to help.” I tell her.

“Why help me, when all I ever did was treat you like shit?” She asks.

“Like Gus said, it isn’t about you, but Jenny. If I wasn’t worried about the way Jenny would be treated by Deb and Michael, you’d be dealing with this by yourself.” I tell her.

“Tell me what you think could help.” She asks.

“Michael’s been on three suicide watches in the last year. He wasn’t suicidal, just using it to keep me away from Justin and the kids, which I didn’t see at the time. When I skipped Cameron’s birthday, it was in hopes of getting Michael admitted, because his behavior was becoming erratic. Also, it would be a good idea to demand a drug test for him, since he provided party favors at the place he rented to have an orgy at when I found him.” I tell her.

“What the hell were you having to do this last year?” She asks me.

“Anything to keep him from killing himself, believing that it was really grief over Ben.” I tell her.

“Why not tell us?” Mel asks me.

“I apparently care too much, even when they don’t deserve it.” I tell her, not really unhappy to have something in common with my son.

“As shitty as this sounds, they could use Hunter’s HIV status against him too.” Mel tells me.

“We came here to offer you a way to deal with that, which will likely have Lindsay willing to help you any way she can.” Justin tells her.

“You both deserve to know, Lindsay and I are done this time. We don’t really even try to act like we love each other anymore.” She tells us.

“Well you need to act like it for long enough to keep Jenny from Michael. Lindsay will act her ass off and tell the fucking truth to live at our old house with you.” I tell her.

“What? Why?” Mel asks.

“We plan to talk Hunter into living there with you and Jenny. Jenny doesn’t want to live with you right now, but if Hunter says he will, then she’ll do it. The reason we wanted you to use the house is because Lindsay needs to tell the truth about what happened. Because then you and Lindsay can press charges against Michael for what he did to Lindsay.” I tell her, trying not to show how pissed I am about all of it.

“Who are you angry at?” Mel asks.

“Both of them, Lindsay for acting like my mother and not saying anything when the fucker who slapped her lied about what happened. I lived that with Jack and Joan, and sorry, I refuse to pretend it’s okay.” I tell her.

“I’ll pretend anything that Jenny, Gus, and… you, need me to.” Mel tells me.

“I hope someday you don’t have to pretend Mel. It’s something I’m glad I’ll never face.” I tell her.

JUSTIN

Brian and I left Mel to call Lindsay and tell her about moving into the old house. When Brian came up with that idea, there was a part of me that hoped that Lindsay wouldn’t jump at the chance. It wasn’t like I thought she’d refuse, it was more that I didn’t want her to get what she wanted, because she had fucked Mel over which would hurt Jenny. Brian told me it was a means to an end, nothing more. 

Hunter was going to meet us at Kinnetik, since he was bringing Jenny with him from school. We needed to talk to Jenny about everything, so she could understand what was going on in her life. Brian and I realized after Gus’s appointment that we couldn’t protect the kids to the point of ignorance. Jenny needed to know that Deb and Michael were going to try to take custody of her and why they thought they could. Brian was answering his emails while we waited, and I was making sure Cody wasn’t going to run into any problems replacing me. 

“I don’t want to be here.” Jenny tells Hunter from outside the office.

“Jenny, can we please hear them out?” Hunter tells her.

“Why bother when I already decided what I want to do?” Jenny asks him.

“Because I don’t care what Michael is telling you, it’s not a good idea to stay with him.” Hunter tells her.

“I’m tired of everyone putting him down. He told me he was sorry for not spending time with me, and I refuse to live with Mama since she hurt Mom.” Jenny tells him, coming in and flopping down in a chair. “I won’t believe him either. He’s afraid of my dad since Brian would rather be with my dad than him.” Jenny tells Hunter, refusing to look at me.

“So nothing Justin did for you matters?” Hunter asks her.

“I didn’t know I owed him something for his generosity.” Jenny tells him.

“You don’t, I didn’t do anything to make you feel like you owe me for it.” I tell her.

“Michael showed up at school and talked to Jenny. In case you can’t tell.” Hunter tells us.

“At least I got to hear that it wasn’t his fault that they hadn’t seen me. They really don’t understand what your problem is with Dad, it’s not cool that you took his side.” She tells Hunter, pointing at me. “Unlike what Mama and everyone else made it sound like, I also think it’s really shitty that you won’t let my dad and Brian talk to each other.” She tells me.

“Are you done?” Brian asks, when she nodded, he continued. “Justin isn’t making me do anything, just expecting me to honor the vows I took when I married him. I’m the one who decided that I could no longer have your father in my life. And that’s because he doesn’t want me to have anyone else other than him in my life. Just so you know, that includes your brother Gus and Cameron. If you want to have a problem with anyone, it will be with me.” Brian tells her.

“Hunter told me you guys want me to live with my moms, after my mother hurt Mom, Dad and Grandma. I won’t live with someone who abuses people.” Jenny tells him.

“You’d rather live with them?” Brian asks her.

“My Dad told me he could be there for me. If Gus can forgive you, then my dad deserves the same chance. He’s lost all his friends because everyone is siding with Justin.” She tells him.

“That isn’t true.” Gus tells her.

“How do you know, Dad told me that until Justin came, you loved my Dad. Then Justin made you think you couldn’t like my dad because Justin hated him.” Jenny told him.

“Jus never made me choose between him and anyone else in my life. And he’s never been anything but nice to you. So don’t start shitting on the man who loved us and always made sure we knew he was there for us, even before he met my dad. You seem to forget you went to Justin, wanting a party, because your dad and grandmother said your birthday wasn’t as important as Michael’s supposed grieving, he made sure you got what you wanted. Jus looked out for us from the day he met us, so don’t rewrite history because your dad is pissed that my dad loves Jus.” Gus tell her.

“Then why was he with my dad, instead of with Jus last year?” She asks.

“You don’t want to know the answer, because it wouldn’t be what your Dad told you.” Brian tells her.

“You aren’t going to tell me anything?” Jenny asks me, and I could see she wanted me to do something that would make anything Michael and Deb told her true about me.

“No, if you want your dad and grandmother in your life, I can understand that. It’s just we don’t think it’s the best thing for you. You can hate me if you want to, if it helps you in some way, but I won’t hate you because I loved you for too long to ever be able to do anything but love you.” I tell her.

“I don’t know what to do.” She tells Gus and Hunter, trembling.

“It’s okay to love your dad. Just don’t make him into someone he isn’t, just because you want him to be what Ben was to you. I love my dad, but it doesn’t change that he did things that I don’t understand. He knows he did, and neither of us are going to rewrite history to change it, the way you’re trying to. My dad isn’t blaming your dad or anyone else, he’s facing what he did to us. I don’t like your dad, but not because of Jus. I don’t like him because of the way he made you and Hunter feel by ignoring you. I know right now you want to believe him, because life with the moms wasn’t easy.” Gus tells her.

“You don’t understand what it’s like to be me. You had Justin when everything got crazy. I got stuck with the moms after Ben died. I had to run away just to see Hunter. So I don’t know what to do, because of what Dad told me.” She tell us.

“What did Michael tell you?” Hunter asks. “Jenny, just tell me. No matter what, I’ll do what I can to make sure it doesn’t happen.

“Jenny, we want to help, but can’t if you don’t tell us.” I tell her.

“He said if I wanted to still see Hunter I had to insist on living with him, because they could make it so the judge won’t want me around Hunter.” She tells him.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” Hunter asks her.

“I didn’t want you to know what they said about you. If I don’t live with you, I have to go to either Dad or the moms. I told him I would live with Gus and his dads. He told me they didn’t want me because Justin hates him. I know it’s not true, because Gus told me why, but he scared me that he would take Hunter away too.” Jenny tells him, crying.

“He will never make me leave you.” Hunter tells her.

“But Mama’s in trouble for hurting him and Mom.” Jenny tells us.

“She didn’t do anything to your mother. We’re trying to help Mel prove it, but until then we need you to agree to stay with your moms at our old house.” Brian tells her.

“Why are you letting them stay at the old house?” Gus asks.

“To get your Mom to tell the truth about what happened, and make sure Jenny doesn’t go anywhere she doesn’t want to.” Brian tells him.

“Tell them what happened, they deserve to know.” Hunter tells Brian.

“Only if Jenny wants to know. It doesn’t make your father look good.” I tell Jenny.

“What did he do?” Gus asks.

“Mel only hit Michael because he hurt your mom.” Brian tells him.

“He hit Mom?” Gus asks, getting up as if he was about to hunt down Michael.

“We believe that’s what happened. The only thing is, the only people who know are the four of them. Lindsay didn’t accuse Mel of anything, but she also didn’t deny that Mel did what Michael and Deb told the police. Gus, you will not go near them, anymore than I can.” Brian tell him.

“Why wouldn’t Mom tell the truth?” Gus asks.

“She didn’t lie, she just didn’t say anything.” I tell him.

“Which is just as good as lying, by letting Mama take the blame for what someone else did to her.” Gus tells us.

“We know, but we need your mother to tell the truth because right now it looks like Mel is an abusive spouse.” I tell him.

“Mama might say stuff that isn’t great, but she’s never raised her hands to us. I could see her knocking the shit out of someone for touching us or Mom though.” Gus tells us.

“She admits that she did hit Michael, just not for the reason she was arrested for, but unless we can get your Mom to admit it, Michael could get what he wants.” Brian tells him.

“I could try to get her to tell the truth.” Gus tells us,

“No, you and Jenny will not get in the middle of our problems. We’ve done that enough to the two of you.” Mel says from the doorway. She knelt next to Gus in front of Jenny. “Baby, if I have to give Justin and Brian custody of you, you will not have to live with your dad, I promise you.” Mel tells Jenny.

“Why should I believe you? You and Mom promised everything would get better but it never does.” Jenny tells her.

“Because I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I won’t continue to let you and Gus pay for them.” Mel tells us. “Justin and Brian suggested we use the house they used to live in, and you don’t have to worry about losing Hunter, because he plans to move in with us too.” She tells Jenny.

“Mom is going to live there too?” Jenny asks.

“It’s to help get me out of the trouble I caused when I didn’t think, but reacted. Something I do well, just ask Brian.” Mel tells her, smiling.

“I always liked that house, it will be like living in a castle.” Jenny tells her.

“It’s time a princess lives there.” Brian tells her.

“So, are you willing?” Mel asks Hunter and Jenny.

“As long as Hunter and Gus think it’s a good idea.” Jenny tells her.

After Gus and Hunter told her yes, Mel wanted to take the kids and Hunter out to lunch with her. I had to practically sit on Brian when he wanted to go do what he told Gus he couldn’t do. I got him in the car and drove us to our new home. As soon as Cameron ran to Brian I felt better, because he wasn’t going to go kill someone when our son demanded attention.

I wanted to scream, because with the restraining order there was nothing either of us could do to Michael or Deb. Right now Michael was on the chopping block more than Deb with me. The fucking asshole scared Jenny by threatening to take Hunter away from her. I wanted to drop him in the middle of a jungle with a few hostels who could make sure he was never seen again.

“Okay, so what is that look about?” Nick asks me.

So I told him everything, because I needed someone to keep me from doing what Brian wouldn’t let Gus do, and I wouldn’t let Brian do. Then explained how the team could take Michael with them on their next trip to the wrong country.

“I have an offer that might be easier than kidnapping for my team.” He tells me.

“What?” I ask.

“Daphne called in a favor, and if you and Brian want, you can use our beach house, and Brian can do his treatment at the hospital there. The oncologist is the best in the field and willing to help because Daphne asked. Brian doesn’t need all this shit while he’s dealing with everything else.” He tells me.

“Gus is still in school here.” I tell him.

“I talked to your mom, and she is willing to let Gus stay with her, and bring him up on weekends to see you guys. I would have offered to stay, but I have to be with you at all times. I have someone coming here to stay with Gus and your mom, so you don’t have to worry about Gus being here.” He tells me.

“We still have appointments with Alex and Dr Turner.” I tell him.

“Once a week, not everyday. If they can make it Fridays it will give Brian a few days to deal with chemo before he spills his guts to the shrink.” Nick tells me.

“I’ll talk to Brian and see what he thinks.” I tell him.

“I’ll let Daphne know it’s a go.” He tells me.

“I didn’t say yes.” I tell him.

“Please, the only reason you're arguing is because you're still pissed that you can’t show Michael exactly how lucky he was that Mel hit him and not you. Do what I do when I need to let off steam, make Brian’s night.” He tells me, smirking.

“Do I need to tell Daphne she and I should be worried about you and Brian? I mean you’ve been playing Florence Nightingale to him lately.” I joke, getting the one finger salute in return. 

“Justin, do not make me have to chase you.” He tells me, knowing me well enough to know I want to deal with the shitheads.

“I figured out a way so that you don’t have to.” I tell him.

“Just warn me.” He sighs.

“The less you know the easier it is to be able to deny.” I joke.

It’s why I didn’t want Brian involved either. If Michael wants to believe I’m the problem, then I have no problem being exactly what he thinks I am. It wasn’t like I hadn’t invested in real estate before. Not that I plan to run the diner, just make sure Deb finds out that not everyone will kiss her ass. The last guy was scared of his own shadow, and let Deb dictate everything to him. Since I was investing, I also bought the building that Michael’s store, that he left closed most of the year and didn’t pay the rent for is in, well now it belongs to me. I put all his collectables on ebay and set up an account for Jenny, since it was likely Michael would be broke within a year.

If they piss me off any more then I’ll enforce the part of the restraining order that says they can’t be on my property. Which will soon be all the places they love to be on Liberty Avenue.

DEB

I ignored the call from the diner saying the idiot who sits in his office all day watching TV wanted the staff at a meeting this morning. As if he really had anything to say. I ended up an hour late for my shift, so he’d have to excuse me for not showing up for a meeting first thing this morning. I wanted to make sure Michael didn’t go run his mouth about what he’d done. He thought it was about time that Lindsay got knocked off her high horse. I didn’t like how he did it, but I couldn’t let Mel or Lindsay do anything to make Michael look bad. If we expected Brian to see his mistake by taking HIS side, then it meant Brian never hearing about what Michael did. It’s the one thing I know about Brian, he would never condone what Michael did, even though Michael wasn’t thinking when he did it.

Kiki looked frazzled when I walked in, she glared at me and told me that the new manager wanted to talk to me. For a second I wanted to yell at the owner for not telling me he put a new idiot in charge, but it’s not like I haven’t dealt with a new manager and their ideas before. All I needed to do was explain to him that he could sit around collecting a check while I handled the rest; the way I always have.

I walked by the schedule that I wrote a week ago and noticed my name marked through and a new name listed with the shifts that were the ones I scheduled myself. I tore it down and walked into his office and put it on his desk. The guy didn’t look up at me, but continued to read the files on all the employees. I sat waiting, not very patiently, for him to realise that I was there and expected him to acknowledge me, only to be ignored.

“If I’m training someone I’d like to be told before you schedule them with me.” I tell him.

“Deb Novotny?” He asks, closing the file he was reading and looking annoyed at me. 

“The one and only.” I tell him.

“Good, I wanted to talk to you when you were scheduled to be here, but you weren’t here. My name is Ryan Bradshaw, and I’ll be overseeing the changes we’re making here. I’ll also be serving as the new manager until we find someone who will do better than catch up on TV watching while he’s supposed to be working. I wanted to ask you first, is there a reason you think being an hour late without a call to tell us when you plan grace us with your presence is acceptable? I also noticed you didn’t dress for work, why is that?” He asks, looking at my vest that I made.

“What I wear has never been a problem before. I think the customers like that I don’t conform to expectations.” I tell him, ignoring the first part, about me being late.

“I can deal with your failure to dress to code, I agree the uniforms aren’t flattering to any of the waitresses. What I can’t excuse, from looking through the past schedules, is that you seem to show up when you want. Which I find odd, since apparently you made the schedules. We need to go over the new guidelines and expectations that will now be followed in the diner.” He tells me, which only made me want to roll my eyes, as if he thought he really had any say in how I run things.

“Maybe I should talk to the owner, he obviously forgot to tell you that I’m the one who runs the staff. It’s the way it’s always been, since the managers don’t last when they think they need to assert their authority. He’ll tell you that I get leeway for doing the manager's job for them.” I tell him.

“The new owner doesn’t see it that way. He felt, after seeing what goes on here, that it was time to change the way the diner is run. I was informed about some of the less than equal conditions that the other managers allowed, to avoid conflict with you. I have no problem with telling you that I’m in charge of everything, and you, as a waitress, will only do the job your title gives you.” He tells me.

“What do you mean ‘new owner’?” I ask.

“The old owner sold the diner, wanting to retire. Which means everyone who works here will be treated equally, and also, we don’t feel that it was fair that you were doing a job that really belonged to the manager. I also want to clear the air about some other things that were said in the meeting. The one you didn’t attend. It was brought up to me after talking to the other employees that you bring your personal life into the diner, and in some cases turned customers away because you were angry at them for something that was personal to you. That being said, we need to talk about the guidelines that you will be expected to follow, and also why your name was crossed off the schedule thirty minutes ago. I allowed that you might have had other plans at the time I called the meeting, and was willing to explain to you personally what I went over with the other employees this morning. Only you didn’t show up when I had set aside time to talk to you, so I called in someone to cover your shift so we could talk when you finally showed up for work. I’ll let you know that I will be hiring new staff in order to better meet the needs of the business, because I don’t feel the way the schedule was written was fair to the other employees. In fact, it seems that the schedule was made so that it allowed you time to socialize, and was overstaffed when you were here. Yet on your days off, others were left with barely anyone to help during rushes. That’s why, from now on, the schedule will not be done by anyone but me.” He tells me.

“I work the rushes practically by myself, so on my days off I don’t see why they need the extra help.” I tell him, not liking that he saw through why I scheduled the way I did.

“I don’t agree with you. So like I said, you don’t need to worry about the schedule anymore, as it will be fair to everyone who works here. I’d like to go over the other guidelines, since I really need to get out there and train the new employee, and give Kiki some help. It’s quite simple really, all employees will show up at their assigned time or call at least an hour in advance if they can’t be here. Also, because of loss reasons, if a family member or friend of the family comes in, they are to be given to another employee, to ensure their isn’t any issue with billing, since there have been a few discrepancies between what the fry cook reported was being prepared and what was billed for the tables. I will agree that it’s time to update the uniform, but there will still be guidelines on the dress code. Anything offensive, isn’t in the dress code. An example is pretty much all the suggestive buttons you're wearing.” He tells me.

“The queens don’t have a problem with it. In fact, they like that I don’t have a problem with the fact that most of them are gay, but it seems you do.” I tell him, thinking me and the asshole in the kitchen were going to talk about him making it sound like I was cheating the diner because I let Michael and his friends go on a few items.

“No, I honestly don’t, considering that my daughter is out and proud and I have no problem marching at Pride with my wife and son, in support of my daughter having the same rights as anyone. In fact, my wife ran the PFLAG chapter in our town until we moved here. Which has nothing to do with your job, but I didn’t like the implication that I had an issue with the clientele that come to this establishment. Now, as to why you were taken off the schedule, I did that because I want to establish that tardiness and unauthorized breaks will not be tolerated. Which is also another complaint of the employees; that a few people have abused their positions by coming and going as they please. I feel that it’s unfair to all the employees to be expected to cover shifts when the person that is scheduled leaves without a valid reason. Which apparently you do, often. I took you off to give you time to workout your personal issues and to give you time to think over if you can live with my expectations.” He tells me.

“I work when anybody else needs time off, but they want to bitch about me!” I tell him.

“I asked them what issues they saw and what we could do to make this a better workplace. It seems they only wanted everyone to have to follow the same rules. I don’t see that as ‘bitching’, but as an explanation for the low morale of the workers. Which I intend to change by making sure the people I hire see a future in staying with the diner, which apparently they don’t. The new owner plans to open a few more restaurants and other establishments where the people who work here can advance, and possibly go to college in fields related to his businesses. In fact, there will be scholarships offered with internships to the people who want to grow with his businesses. Which you would have heard about if you had showed up this morning when I called for ALL the staff to be here for a meeting. It’s best that you go home now and call me in a week for your new schedule, but I will call you if anyone calls out, so that you don’t miss a full week’s pay, or you can use any vacation time you have. I plan to be fair to all employees, but will not hesitate to let go of someone if they flaunt the guidelines.” He tells me.

“I’d like to talk to the new owner, since it seems you have something against me.” I tell him.

“If I did than I would have let you go when you walked in. I’ll let the new owner know you want to schedule a meeting with him, but he plans to be out of town for a couple of weeks, so you’ll have to wait. In the meantime, my decisions stand.” He tells me, getting up and ushering me out of the office.

MICHAEL

I called the landlord to ask about getting my stuff from the comic shop, since I didn’t have anything else to do. The lawyer Ma had me pay for told me the restraining order wasn’t a joke, and if I wanted custody of Jenny that I had to stay clean. I figured I could reopen my comic shop, so I’d have something to do until Brian realized what a manipulative shit he tied himself to. Ma seemed to be worried that Lindsay would eventually tell them it was me who hit her, but I wasn’t, because I knew shit about Lindsay that would keep her mouth shut, just like she did when I told her to. She was planning to tell them that I hit her, but backed off when I told her that I’d tell Brian and Mel her little plan to keep Brian’s money flowing to her. If only I could find something on the blond whore, then he’d leave and never come back.

I’d been waiting for over an hour while my old landlord said he would check with the person who bought the building. When the phone rang, it was a lawyer, explaining that I lost any rights to my property since I was sent a notice four months ago to have it removed, and hadn’t paid the rent on the shop since Ben died. I forgot, because Ben took care of it without bothering me about it. The lawyer didn’t even seem to care when I told him that I would sue them, since the stuff was worth more that the rent I didn’t pay. Instead he told me to read the notice I was sent and the agreement that the previous landlord had, which stated that he could seize anything left on the premises if the owner didn’t remove it at the time of the eviction, then hung up after telling me to have a nice day. I called my lawyer, who told me I needed to call someone who wasn’t in family law. 

I wanted to call Ted and tell him to get Brian to deal with this for me, but apparently the shit made it so that I couldn’t contact Brian in any way. All I could see was that he knew he’d lose Brian because Brian wanted to be with me. With nothing else to do, I surfed to see if I could find things to replace the stuff they took from me. I was glad that I now controlled my money, since I found five of the most expensive things for sale while I was searching. 

Ma showed up at my house, and scowled at me looking at comic memorabilia. I shut it off so she couldn’t see that I was bidding, not just looking. I made sure to up the price a little higher than the items would go for, before stopping.

“Why are you here?” I ask, still pissed at her because she told me Brian wasn’t going to be with me.

“My new boss told me I have the week off because I was late. I went by two other places, because no one is going to dictate to me how I do my job; only to find out that all of them are owned by someone who is apparently buying up half the businesses on Liberty Avenue.” She tells me.

“My comic shop was bought too.” I tell her, wondering who would want a shithole like the diner.

“It will give us time to work on getting Jenny anyway.” She tells me, going in the kitchen.

I only wanted Jenny because she would be able to find out what was going on with Brian for me. The asshole might have made it impossible for me to see Brian, but Hunter and Gus would do anything for Jenny. I knew I’d made a mistake when I said that shit about Gus, but at the time I was pissed that no one would acknowledge my place in Brian’s life. Jenny would make Gus see that I wasn’t the bad guy, or Gus wouldn’t be allowed to see Jenny. Hunter already made his decision when he didn’t support me, and I returned the favor by not supporting him. Ma wanted to threaten to cut Hunter off if he didn’t start showing support, but I didn’t need that headache, since Hunter would have told her the truth; that he was selling his ass to the shit, to go to school.  

“I talked to Jenny, so I don’t think it will be a problem.” I tell her.

“What did you tell Jenny?” She asks.

“That we love her and want to give her everything you gave me.” I tell her.

JUSTIN

Brian agreed we needed to get away, even if it wasn’t going to be a vacation. Ryan already called and told me Deb wasn’t very happy with the new rules, and he took her off the schedule for being an hour late without calling. I got a call about Michael wanting his things and let my lawyer do the talking for me. Brian had an appointment with Alex alone, he told me he needed to figure out why he did the things he did to me where Michael was concerned. It was something he didn’t want us to address until he felt like he could give me a better answer for why he did it. Other than the reason he told himself; that Michael needed him in a way I didn’t. I agree, that I would never need Brian in any way that Michael would. I looked into Michael’s house, but he owned it, so I left it alone. He wasn’t going to profit from the sale, at least not with me providing him money. 

Gus didn’t have a problem with staying with my mom after my mom apologized, not only to Brian, but to Gus, for anything that she might have said. One thing about my Mom was that she didn’t have a problem with admitting that she screwed up by saying anything. She told me she apologized to Gus because she realized her words weren’t any better for Gus to hear. She offered to take Cameron, but Brian told her Cameron’s clinginess would only get worse if Brian disappeared on him again. It was something I didn’t think much of at first, but it got to the point where Brian couldn’t move without Cameron following him. Brian called Dr Turner, because he was worried about it, and she told him it was natural that Cameron clung, because Brian had disappeared and Cameron didn’t understand why. 

I wanted to laugh when the bid for five of the things on put up for sale were stalled at a bid so high it was ridiculous. Brian did say that Michael would pay through the nose for pieces of crap that no one cares about. At this rate, Michael should be broke in a couple of months, since I also bought up most of the Captain Astro one-of-a-kind memorabilia from the author of the comic. Which I planned to put up after the things Michael once owned sold.

BRIAN

“How are things going?” Was Alex’s first question.

“We’re doing better, but I know it bothers Justin that I don’t really have an answer as to why I acted the way I did about Michael.” I tell him.

“Go back to the times it happened and try to remember why you felt the way you did. I can tell you why I think you did it, but it would only be assumptions on my part, based on what I saw. Only you can tell me what made you defend Michael instead of Justin.”

“I know the night Justin and Michael met, it was more that I could tell he wasn’t comfortable around my friends. It felt like he was looking down on my life and treating everyone as if they weren't good enough to be around him.” I tell him. 

“What did Justin do that night that led you to believe that?” He asks. 

“He didn’t join in on the conversations. But they were talking about things that didn’t include him. I think part of why I felt that way was because I'd seen him working his shows, and he talked to everyone, regardless of whether they were boring him to tears. Yet he barely paid attention to my friends.” I tell him. 

“What were they discussing?” He asks. 

“The usual shit we always do. Michael was talking about some guy that he saw, who was trying to find out about me after I brushed him off. Emmett and Ted were joking that I was running out of guys to trick with. It wasn’t something Justin didn’t know was going on, but at the time I didn’t think it would bother him, since we were still in an open relationship.” I tell him.

“I’m sure it would still bother him, but there was also what Michael said to him later that was likely why Justin didn’t do anything to make friends with him or the others. He likely saw that they all rallied around Michael, so why bother to join in when he didn’t feel welcome by what was being said around him.” He tells me.

“It also didn’t help that Michael spent the rest of the night letting me know that Justin told him that he owned me and that he’d make sure I got rid of people who he didn’t like.” I tell him.

“Which you believed, because Michael spent a lot of time telling you that tricks were saying the same thing. Michael was only telling you what he did to people who tried to get close to you, saying it was Justin. My question is why you believed him? Was it because Justin did things to make you believe he would do something like that?” He asks.

“Michael was a constant in my life, to where I didn’t know what Justin would do. I believed Michael because I wasn’t ready to trust Justin.” I tell him.

“What about later, when it became obvious Michael and Justin had problems with each other?” He asks.

“I wanted to believe Michael wasn’t capable of saying the things that upset Justin. I didn’t understand why Justin didn’t say anything to me, but then it was because I defended Michael over him.” I tell him.

“Would you have listened if Justin had told you the things Michael was saying? It might have been hard for him, since Michael said it in front of you and you didn’t say anything even hearing it.” He tells me.

“I want to say yes, but I spent my life defending Michael and I learned to ignore the side of him that I didn’t want to believe existed. If Justin said anything, I excused it because that was what I did all my life when it came to Michael.” I tell him.

“Was there ever a time when you defended Justin instead of Michael?” He asks.

“Only when Michael called me to complain that Justin kicked him out of the house. I’d already told Michael not to show up at the house when I wasn’t there, unless Justin invited him.” I tell him.

“Why, when Michael or Deb showed up when they wanted, regardless of invitation?” He asks.

“Deb told me that unless she invited Justin over to her house, she would prefer I not bring him. It pissed me off that she never told the other guys the same thing. Then Michael told me that unless Justin learned to respect him, than Justin wasn’t welcome at anything that involved the family. At that point, I let both Deb and Michael know the same went for them if Justin was alone at the house. Deb and Michael tried to argue that they were always welcome to my loft and my house shouldn’t be any different, since they weren’t telling me I couldn’t come. It was the first time I let myself see the double standard they seemed to have when it involved Justin. But I didn’t tell them or Justin that was how I saw it. I just told Michael that Justin had every right to tell him to leave.” I tell him.

“Did you tell Justin?” He asks.

“No, I just didn’t mention it.” I tell him.

“Why not?” He asks.

“Michael told me that all he did was come over to help and Justin slammed the door in his face. I agreed that Justin had the right, but I wanted to stop feeling like they were putting me in the middle.” I tell him.

“You also didn’t want to lose the people who you depended on all your life before you met Justin.” He tells me.

“It still bothers me that Justin knew that I would defend Michael. And it bothers me that I can’t say I wouldn’t have.” I tell him.

“I can tell you why I think you did it, but remember, it’s only my opinion.” He tells me.

“Go ahead.” I tell him.

“I think, in your head, you still are the kid who needed someone to show you that life wasn’t the one you knew at home. When Deb and Michael did, you didn’t want them to be anything but the people who saved you from your father. In Michael, you saw parts of you, in that he was bullied and harassed at school and lonely because he didn’t have any friends. He became the brother that your sister wasn’t to you. And you didn’t want to see anything that made Michael into anything but the innocent, naive kid you protected. When you met Justin, he was all the things Michael wasn’t. He didn’t need you to protect him, and you depended on Justin for that. So when Michael said things to Justin, you protected Michael because it was natural to you, and you’d done it all your life. It didn’t matter that Michael was wrong, because he made it so everyone saw him as not meaning to do what he was doing. You likely saw Justin striking back as him bulling the kid you spent your life saving from all the other bullies. It wouldn’t have been something you openly thought, only subconsciously thought.” He tells me.

“Justin confronted me once when we had dinner with Deb, after she told the story she made up about Michael’s father, after Michael said Gus should look up to real heros. I jumped on him for not letting it go, but at the time I didn’t know Justin knew Deb was lying. Which, if I had paid attention to what he was saying when we argued, I would have realized it.” I tell him.

“What did he say?” He asks.

“That I expected him to be honest, but it was okay for Deb to make up shit to give Michael a hero instead of telling him the truth about his father. I was pissed that he wouldn’t leave Deb’s lie alone. I didn’t even realize that he somehow knew it was a lie. It’s not like we ever talked about Deb and Michael, because it only led to arguments with each other. But at the time it was an open secret in the group. Something that Justin could have used on Michael, but didn’t. Which says a lot for him, because if Michael knew something about Justin, he would have used it. I found out recently why Justin was pissed; because Deb making up shit made it so he couldn’t tell me anything.” I tell him.

“Which is the reason you two fought before he left on a job.” He tells me.

“It wasn’t the only reason. Deb and Michael started in on how none of us really knew anything about Justin. At the time he hadn’t introduced me to anyone in his life other than Daphne and Nick. Daphne and I didn’t really get along, because Justin told her about his frustration with me. I told Justin everything about me, which wasn’t the easiest thing to do, and felt like he didn’t tell me anything because he didn’t see me as important to him.” I tell him.

“It would explain why you defended Michael, because you still weren’t sure where you stood with Justin. When you married him, did it lessen your need to defend Michael?” 

“I still did, but not to the point of jumping Justin for saying anything, which he didn’t. It’s when the silence seemed to be our answer.” I tell him.

“It became the only answer, from what you both have said. Which caused problems later.” He tells me.

“The minute Ben died.” I tell him.

“And Michael clung to you, and expected you to drop everything for him, like you’d done before. Only before, it wouldn’t have hurt anyone, doing what Michael expected you to do. Why risk your marriage for him?” He asks.

“It’s not an excuse, but when Justin was hurt, I spent a lot of nights worried that I could have lost him, because if I did, it would have destroyed my reasons for living. I was seeing what it would have been like for me, and I wanted to be there so Michael could go on, and eventually be okay without Ben. I still had nightmares about Daphne calling me, not to come see Justin, but to tell me he was gone.” I tell him.

“I think you need to tell Justin what you just told me. It won’t make up for what you did, but it gives him a reason for your irrational behavior the last year. One of the things you repeated was that you can’t change the past, and you can’t. All you can do is show Justin that it won’t repeat itself. Brian, do yourself a favor, when you start chemo let him help you, it’s not something you’ve ever been good with, accepting help.” He tells me.

“I plan to, because it’s one time I know he needs that from me. Hopefully he’ll tell me why he’s buying half of Liberty Avenue too.” I tell him, getting up and leaving.

LINDSAY

I’d been waiting for Justin to call me since Mel got arrested. I’m upset that he hasn’t even bothered to be here or even concerned that I was hurt. I thought this would have Brian and Justin coming to see me, and then I could find a way around what Michael threatened me with. The only thing saving me right now is there is no way Michael can talk to Brian and twist the shit he found out.

Brian and I had talked about possibly having another child together, but that was before he met Justin. Then he told me no when he and Justin started dating. I went ahead with it anyway, but I failed to get pregnant. I didn’t tell Brian, but didn’t see any reason to when he didn’t need to know that I went against his wishes. Instead I left the other sample in storage and wasn’t going to do anything. I knew better than to do it when Brian and Justin announced that they had already gone to a surrogate and Cameron was already on the way. The only way I planned to do anything was if Brian decided he and Justin would have another child, which would once again have Justin giving up his career to be a father. After this last year, I really didn’t think I’d need to do it, since Brian and Justin were drifting apart. It was my contingency plan, if Brian convinced Justin to have another child like he mentioned to me; that he could see doing it one more time with Justin. Justin had mentioned wanting more than one child and he didn’t realize that Brian would do anything as long as it kept Justin with him. Justin didn’t realize that even with Michael pulling Brian away, in the end, if Justin had put his foot down, Brian would have done anything. That was the part of their relationship that made me jealous, the fact that Brian became the kind of spouse that I dreamed of having, while dealing with Mel only wanting everything the way Mel wanted. While yes, I dreamed of Brian and I married with two children and the house he bought when he married Justin, Brian wouldn’t have wanted it with me, and I wouldn’t fool myself the way Michael has. 

I heard a car pull up and saw Justin’s mother getting out her car, then going to the back to get something. It was an opportunity for me to find out if she knew why no one had called to check on me. She was putting a ‘for sale’ sign on the lawn, and I realized I needed to find out why.

“Jen, are you lost?” I ask.

“No. Mel wanted to put the house up for sale, since she was given a chance to live in Brian and Justin’s old house, and from the look on your face, apparently you didn’t know about her plans.” She tells me, not really looking like she cared.

“Why are Brian and Justin letting her stay there?” I ask, upset that neither of them thought of me when they apparently were giving away a fucking mansion.

“Brian doesn’t want Michael and Deb to be able to say Mel can’t provide a place for Jenny to live. Since Mel didn’t feel she could come here, because it would displace you, the boys offered her an alternative. In fact, Hunter will be staying there too, so he can be a witness to the kind of mother Mel is. With everything that happened here, Mel needs all the help she can get to keep Jenny. I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but since Mel couldn’t depend on you to tell the police what really happened in the house, she didn’t want to cause more problems by showing up here. It’s horrible timing that you and Mel are at odds with each other, since both of you together could prove that Michael has barely bothered with Jenny, pretty much from the beginning. You always said it was the house of your dreams, but I guess you could still visit, like before. At least show Jenny that you're still there for her.” She tells me.

“Things just got out of control, Mel was trying to help.” I admit, wondering if I could figure out a way to get around Michael’s threats. 

It’s not like I lied to Brian, he just assumed that I destroyed the donation he made before he met Justin. When he and Justin decided to have Cameron, he told me that if he had any other children then it would be with Justin and not me. All I ever said was that I understood, and just left the donation where it was, under my name. If Brian wanted to have another biological child then he did it with me, not some stranger. I’ll admit it was my security blanket, because as much as I tried, I hated wanting things, and having to hear that we couldn’t afford them. Something I never had to worry about when Gus was born, because Brian threw money at us to make sure Gus never knew the kind of life that Brian had growing up. I really didn’t expect him to be as generous with Jenny, but he told me that Gus wanted Jenny to have the kind of life he did. Mel can be as angry about this as she wants, but in truth, Brian gave me a reason to stay with Mel, when neither of us has been willing to admit our marriage was over a long time ago.

“I don’t know what to do.” I tell Jen, acting helpless.

“What do you mean?” She asks.

“Michael scared me, and then threatened to do worse if I said anything. I was scared, and I didn’t defend Mel when I should have.” I tell her.

“What did Michael threaten you with?” She asks, concerned.

“Justin would understand, Michael did it to him. Michael twists things to make them sound the way he wants them to sound. It wasn’t anything other than me forgetting about something Brian and I did in the past. Michael found out that I never destroyed the sample that Brian donated before he met Justin. I knew Mel wouldn’t understand but would instead treat it like me hiding something, which I didn’t. I just forgot about it when Brian told me that he only wanted children with Justin.” I tell her.

“I’ll talk to Brian and Justin about it, plus, all you have to do is sign it back over to Brian. It’s not like they’ll believe anything that comes from Deb or Michael anymore. You could also go to Carl and explain what really happened, it would make it easier for Mel to meet you halfway, and possibly help you with Jenny and Gus. Gus isn’t willing to believe Mel is capable of what she was accused of. Even Brian, who wasn’t happy to help Mel, but did it for Gus and Jenny, had a hard time believing Mel just started hitting you, when she never did before.” Jen tells me, sympathetically.

“I feel awful because I let it go this far, now that you told me about Michael and Deb are trying to get Jenny.” I tell her.

“Do you need me to help you tell Carl what happened? If not, I can call him and have him come here to meet with you. It wasn’t his case, but he got involved since he knows what Michael and Deb are like.” She tells me.

“It’s time I do what I should have, and tell Carl that Michael went crazy on me because he wants to get rid of Justin. I let him take it out on me, because Justin has been dealing with so much and I was trying to get Michael to see that Brian was finally back where he belonged.” I tell her.

“At least if you clear everything up, I can help convince everyone it would be better for you to be at the house with Mel, Hunter, and Jenny. With the restraining order in place, all you would have to do is call the police and they’ll remove Michael or Deb from the property and you wouldn’t be put in the position of protecting Justin with your face. Why not start packing while you wait for Carl to come here; I’ll send a car to pick you up when you’re finished. It would really be good for you and Mel if you press charges, think about it.” She tells me, hugging me. Then she finished putting up the sign up to sell the house I never really liked anyway.

As I went in to pack, I needed to figure out a way to get Hunter to go back to his dorm. Jenny looked to him, going against me or Mel, and that wouldn’t do if I was going to get everything back to the way I wanted my life. 

JEN

For the first time, I wanted to do exactly what Michael did, but I refrained because Brian asked me to. It was also because Gus didn’t need anymore drama, and needed to see us as the family we’d been before the shit with Ben. I never really liked Ben, any more than I liked Deb. In a way, it was the same for me as for Deb, she didn’t like Justin because he didn’t like her spoiled brat, and I didn’t like her brat because of the shit he made Justin deal with for getting everything Michael felt should be his. Until recently I didn’t have a problem with Lindsay or Mel, because they weren’t anything more than Gus’s mothers to me. 

I still remember Justin calling me all the time to tell me the adventures of Gus, and for once Justin was staying closer to home. Justin was no longer going months without calling home, and that made Gus golden in my eyes. When Brian and Justin met, I was thankful that Brian gave Justin a way to settle down, instead of taking off to places that had me scared until he called and told me he was okay. The art world praised his bravery for going to places no one in their right mind would go, but none of them understood what it was like to sit by a phone, waiting to find out if my son was okay. Brian was the answer to my worry when Justin stopped, to be with him. Then there was my fear that Justin would once again take off as his marriage started to fall apart. 

When Brian said he needed to figure out a way to get Lindsay to tell the truth, for once, I got Brian to agree that he needed to let me do it. I understood the kind of person Lindsay was, and how to get her to do what they needed her to do for Jenny’s sake. The idea of Deb raising another child was a nightmare any parent who met Michael would have, not that Deb sees anything wrong with Michael. She’d have to see herself, and that she raised Michael to be her. 

I put myself back in the game of the ‘club of the elite’ and drove over to deal with the wannabe Queen WASP. It took everything I had to listen to her, and wondered if her mother taught her anything. She gave Michael ammunition against her, but never learned how her mother kept her father in line, which was that they both had something that insured mutual assured destruction on each other. To be used if either did the unthinkable and tried to wiggle out of the marriage that was nothing more than a joining of two family fortunes. Something I didn’t do and still ended up regretting, since Craig was a total failure as a husband and father. 

Brian answered on the first ring. “She’s going to do what you wanted. You might want to get with Justin’s lawyer too, because Lindsay apparently never got rid of a donation you made.” I tell him.

“I’ll deal with it. Anything else?” He asks.

“Just warn Hunter that she’ll likely want him gone too, since she knows Hunter really doesn’t like her.” I tell him.

“Hunter knows to ignore Lindsay, and if he needs help, he knows to go to you.” He tells me.

“Do me a favor and only worry about you, and let me deal with everything here for you.” I tell him.

“Yes, Mom. One question; what is Justin up to?” He asks.

“Making sure no one messes with his family again, unless they want to know what it’s like to have their lives messed with. I’m sure he’ll tell you when he’s finished.” I tell him.

“You just did.” He tells me, hanging up.

BRIAN

Gus came with us to help Mel move into the house. Her cousin was so relieved to have Mel out of her house that she practically packed all Mel’s shit and was ready to dump it on her front lawn. Justin went with Mel and Gus to get her things, while I finished taking care of business at Kinnetik.

On my way over to the house, I realized this would be the first time Justin and I had been back in the house together since I came home. It didn’t feel like a home anymore as I looked around. Everything was staged in a way that it seemed sterile, not warm like the new house. I let Hunter know if they wanted to change anything, just to donate the things they didn’t want, it didn’t fit into the home we now had versus the house we lived in the first part of our marriage. Cameron went with his grandmother, since he’d be away from her for longer than he was used to. Justin went to our old bedroom, which Ted had cleared out, not wanting us to see what Michael had done in there.

“It’s weird to see it empty.” Justin tell me.

“When we sell it, maybe the next family will find what we didn’t here.” I tell him.

“I never hated the house, it was more that the bad memories seemed to outweigh the good ones. It got to the point where I hated coming into this room, because even when you came home, we barely looked at each other. It was like the excitement at seeing each other was gone, it was replaced with two people who were just sharing the same space.” He tells me.

“I didn’t want to cross the boundaries we were setting. When we were starting out, that was the only time you left; when I crossed the boundaries we set.” I tell him.

“I misinterpreted it as you not wanting me near you. I hated that we had to fight to want each other.” He tells me.

“Alex and I talked about why I defended Michael, over you.” I tell him, since we had been avoiding it.

“Did you figure out anything?” He asks.

“He thinks that I still saw Michael as the kid who got his ass kicked by the bullies, and because of my past, I still wanted to see him as the kid who brought me home and let me stick around. It became normal for me to protect him from the world. I think Alex was right, that I didn’t want to let go of what I knew, because I wasn’t sure of where I really stood with you, at least in the beginning. My thoughts on it; that I didn’t trust you, because everyone I knew expected something in return for their friendship. Lindsay used me to keep her parents from cutting her off and to taunt people that we were friends, something she continued even after she married Mel. Michael liked the power he thought being friends with me gave him, and made sure people knew the only person I kept around was him. Deb used me to protect her son. You, on the other hand, came into our relationship on equal footing, and cynical bastard that I am, I waited to see what you’d do. Then used Michael to keep a distance between us, so if you finally left, I could pretend it didn’t matter. Only, you left and I went to find you, and started the cycle again.” I tell him.

“It didn’t help that we weren’t telling each other things. Although if you had tried to tell me what Michael was doing anytime you planned to spend time with us… well, I want to say I would’ve listened, but it would be a lie.” He tells me.

“I can’t lie to you and say that it doesn’t bother me that you seem to be hiding something else right now. I support you and only you, so don’t see it as anything but me feeling like you still don’t trust me.” I tell him.

“How did you find out?” He asks, going to look out the window.

“I’m more interested in why you didn’t want me to know.” I tell him.

“I didn’t start it with any intentions other than investing in the place I live. There were people that needed help to keep their stores open. I bought up the buildings and cleaned them up, not upping their rent, because the payoff wasn’t about making money but liking those places. For a while I couldn’t find my place here, and when I went to the parts of Liberty Avenue that didn’t include… well, people who only whispered behind my back, it was nice to have people who genuinely just got to know me. It’s not like I couldn’t afford to help them. I wanted to give back to people who made time to get to know me. I bought the diner only because it was close to shutting down, even with the massive crowds that showed up. I know I didn’t go there often, but when I did, it killed me to see the kids walking in and staring at the menu, not because they couldn’t decide what to get but because they needed the meal that would last until they could afford the next one. They didn’t want charity, but they also needed more than a bowl of soup and the crackers they could stuff in their pockets for later. So I bought the place, not caring if it ever made a profit, just that those kids could come someplace warm and eat. I really never intended to do anything else, but Deb pissed me off when she loudly commented on one kid who looked like someone roughed him up, and she told him to save his trick money since he couldn’t work. She did get him some food, but she embarrassed the kid in front of everyone, expecting him to be grateful she served him something.” He tells me.

“How did you know about it?” I ask.

“Hunter told me. He was there when it happened and later found the kid in an alley, pretty much ready to give up. He came to me when he convinced the kid to talk to me. He was worried about the kid because he knew the look in the kid’s eyes. I take pictures of the worst things in the world, but nothing compares to seeing someone not seeing the point in continuing on. Hunter taught me that throwing money at the kid wouldn’t do anything, but if he could see a future beyond what he was doing to survive, then the kid wouldn’t see a dead end, but a beginning. I’ll admit I got pissed when I asked why Deb got away with the saying that to the kid, and decided the diner needed a manager who wasn’t there just wasting time until a new job was available. I got the idea from you and your intern program, after Ted explained that not all the kids that come to Kinnetik to intern are college kids. You know I really fell harder for you when I found out your secret.” He tells me.

“I see potential, it’s nothing more than that.” I brush off.

“A graffiti artist?” He asks.

“An artist is an artist no matter what his medium. What I saw was an artist who had a following and gave me an idea for a campaign. When I explained to Murph what I wanted, he didn’t create what I wanted. So I went to the person who could and offered him a job, which he earned. Why not tell me what you were doing?” I ask.

“When I started, it wasn’t about revenge or anything else. It gave me a way to stay busy and not think, because when I did it was wondering why I stayed, when before I would have just moved on.” He tells me.

“Why did you buy Michael’s building?” I ask.

“I was being a vindictive asshole with that one. Michael stopped paying the rent and the owner of the building heard I was interested in real estate. So when I found out one of his renter’s was Michael and he’d been evicted and the property seized, I decided to show him what it was like for me to take something from him. I won’t lie to you, I wanted him to hurt for hurting our family. I figured I’d sell his shit and make sure Jenny can decide what she wants later in life. Which, with the money Michael put into those fucking toys, he could have put Jenny through college and bought her a car.” He tells me.

“I planned to make sure she didn’t have to worry about it.” I tell him.

“I know, but it’s his responsibility, since he beat Lindsay and Mel over the head with the fact that he was Jenny’s father anytime it suited him, but didn’t bother beyond that to support her. It pissed me off that Lindsay once again came to you when she and Mel should have been going to Michael.” He tells me.

“Were the diner and Michael’s shop the only things that included the people in my life?” I ask.

“No. But I didn’t buy into the Bloom Gallery for any reason other than I like Sydney for giving new artists shows, even when no one’s heard of them. The only reason Lindsay didn’t get her job back was because Sydney didn’t want her back. When Sydney retires, he plans to sell me his interest in the gallery. I wanted to keep it in case Gus is still interested in running one after college.” He tells me.

“Does Lindsay know?” I ask.

“No reason for her to know, since I agree with Sydney about why he didn’t want to employ her again. I also wasn’t all that impressed with her when she worked at shows, since she seemed more interested in socializing and impressing people. I really didn’t want her and I to have problems, for Gus’s sake.” He tells me.

“What are your plans with Deb?” I ask.

“Nothing, if she does her job, which, with the previous managers, unfortunately included doing anything she wanted. Ryan Bradshaw won’t be intimidated by Deb, hopefully she’ll listen, if not she’ll learn exactly why he I choose him.” He tells me.

“Why bother, when I can already tell you she is going to use her influence to make his life miserable.” I tell him.

“It worked because people who worked there didn’t see the job as more than a place to work until they got a real job. Now if they stay they get offered the chance to go to college or finish school, and if they take us up on it, there’s a raise to help them with college expenses. If they choose a field like management, then they will be offered a chance to train to one day manage one of the restaurants that Ryan owns if they want to move, or one of the ones I own if they want to stay in the area.” He tells me.

“We are talking about Ryan who owns Ryan’s International Foods? I thought he retired?” I ask, not really surprised Justin knew the man who supplied food for the most extravagant restaurants in the world.

“He did, but he’s bored, and his wife wanted to move here when his daughter decided to come here for college. I mentioned to him about the diner and other businesses and he liked the idea of something less stressful than what he was doing. I didn’t tell you not because I didn’t trust you, but because since we’ve been together we have other things that were more important.” He tells me.

“Do we need to talk about my reasons for being an asshole?” I ask.

“Eventually. But right now I really want to concentrate on what’s ahead of us.” He tells me, moving from the window towards the middle of the room.

“You said this to me once and it’s true now. I’m sorry I was late coming home.” I tell him, meeting him in the middle.

DEB

Fucking Ryan had all the employees acting like he was the best thing that walked on Liberty Avenue. I’d gone there to talk to some of the employees, but it fell on deaf ears. Everyone was singing the praises of the new owner and Ryan. The young waiter who had dropped out of school was back in school and had been offered a place to live as long as he stayed in school. Kiki rolled her eyes at me when I commented that maybe they should all be careful, because none of us knew who the new owner was and what his game was. I reminded them all that I was the one who hired them when no one else would and treated them like family. 

One kid eating at a booth got up and walked over to the table where we were talking. “If your idea of family is what you did to Hunter, then they’d be better off without you.” He says, walking out the door. 

I was about to yell something when my phone rang, but ended up leaving when it was Michael, calling to tell me that Carl arrested him. I got to the station, and once again the assholes treated me like I didn’t once bring them dinner and welcome them around my life. Carl was standing away from the cop who had Michael in the chair next to his desk.

“I think I need to have a lawyer look into the fact that Michael and I are being targeted by the boys in blue.” I tell Carl.

“While you’re doing that, make sure to tell the lawyer that you and Michael lied to the police about what happened at the girls house the other day. I had a very interesting conversation with Lindsay, who decided that she wanted to press charges on the person who hit her so hard she fell from the chair she’d been sitting on.” He tells me.

“I’m sure if you asked around you’d find out that Lindsay’s latest problems come from the fact that she can’t tell the truth to save her life, or her marriage. It’s also her word against Michael’s and mine, since you can’t trust Mel to tell you anything but what will get her out of trouble. It sounds more like she’s pissed that if Michael and I get custody of Jenny, she won’t get a free ride anymore. It’s also her word against Michael’s and mine.” I tell him.

“If that’s all you can say, then I was right to walk away from you. Especially if this behavior is something you don’t see as a problem.” He tells me.

“He didn’t mean it, she was taunting him. He just lost Ben and now he’s losing Brian, the last thing he needed was Lindsay using Brian’s marriage against him. The restraining order was ridiculous. Michael would never do anything to hurt Brian.” I tell him.

“But because you don’t like Brian’s husband, it doesn’t matter that Michael sees Justin, Cameron, and Gus as a problem to what he wants? But then as long as Brian tows the line and keeps you from having to realize there’s something really wrong with your son, you don’t care do you? Deb, Michael’s obsession with Brian means he doesn’t care who gets hurt in his efforts to get what he wants. Even if it’s you.” He tells me, walking into his office.

Carl didn’t know shit. My son loved me, because without me where would he be? I went to where Michael was sitting, only to hear him tell the cop next time he planned to break Justin’s jaw. 

“Michael!” I yelled, trying to get him to shut up.

“What? I’m tired of the shit that comes out of his mouth.” He complains.

“He’s upset, that’s all.” I tell the cop.

“Yeah, sounds like he has a problem with a lot of people.” The cop tells me. “By the way, when you threaten people, we tend to take it seriously.” He tells Michael, before getting up and walking off.

“What did he mean by that?” I ask.

“I told him the shit is going to get more than a slap if I see him.” He tells me.

“Michael, stop. Even though he caused trouble between you and Brian, you can’t say things like that, people will think the wrong thing.” I whisper to him.

“I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks, no one is going to get in my way anymore. Including you!” He glares at me.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that.” I tell him.

“I’ll talk to you any way I want to, it’s because of you that Brian thinks he wasn’t good enough for me. You get in my way and I’m done with you.” He tells me.

“Honey, he isn’t going to give you what you want. He isn’t the kind of man you need.” I tell him.

I didn’t expect what he tried to do next, not my Michael. Only, Carl did, and stopped him before he could lay a hand on me. Michael scowled when they held his hands behind his back. “I don’t want her allowed around me anymore.” He spit at me.

“Son…”

“You mean nothing to me!” He yelled, trying to get to me.

“Deb, you need to leave.” Carl told me.

“He doesn’t mean it.” I tell him and Carl.

“I fucking hate you for ruining everything!” Michael yelled as he was hauled off.

“What… How could he say that?” I ask.

“How can you still not see he needs help?” Carl asks.

“It’s because he’s still grieving for Ben.” I tell him.

“Always ready with an excuse for anything he does. Good luck.” Carl tells me, shaking his head and walking away.

BRIAN

There were times when Justin’s camera was something I dreaded, because that was what took him away from us. Only today, it was him taking pictures of Cameron playing, and it reminded me of the times we would get away and be us, without all the things that caused problems between us. 

I promised to let him help me, but today was my first treatment, and with Gus here I wanted Justin to help him to understand what was going to happen when I got back. Drew and Emmett came with us, reminding me that I made Emmett promise me to help Justin. When I went to go, Drew got in the car with me and told me he was going to be there in case I needed anything. It was awkward at first, because Drew and I hadn’t really talked to each other since the day at the old house.

“Emmett would have driven you, but I wanted to clear the air between us.” Drew spoke after we been driving for a couple minutes.

“What’s to clear? I fucked up with Justin and everyone took sides, as usual.” I tell him.

“The only side I took was the kids, Justin didn’t need me to do anything. It’s one of the things I liked about him, he doesn’t look to anyone to make a decision.” He tells me.

“It wasn’t like he could depend on me.” I tell him.

“He could, but he didn’t. If he had demanded you come home it might have solved the problems before they got this out of control. I asked him once why he didn’t.” He tells me.

“What did he say?” I ask.

“Because you didn’t demand he stop when the things he did that almost got him killed. Although he did tell me he’d kill Michael before Michael kills you.” He smiled.

“He doesn’t seemed worried about Michael.” I tell him.

“You are?” He asks.

“He was already acting unstable… and after seeing the things he did to Justin’s things… well, I’m worried about it.” I tell him.

“You’re not alone. You have people that will be there to keep anything from happening.” Drew tells me.

“Nick would walk through fire to protect my family.” I tell him.

“So would Ted, Blake, Emmett, and I, and it’s the same we would expect from you and Justin if we ever needed you. It’s not because we owe each other, it will never be like that between all of us. It’s just what a family that loves you does. They stand up for each other.” He tells me.

“Even when you wanted me out of Justin’s life?” I ask.

“I didn’t want you out, just to stop acting like you didn’t deserve everything Justin gave you. I wanted you to get your head out of your ass and fight for Justin.” He tells me.

Justin read up on everything he could find about what I would go through, but nothing prepared him or me for what it would be like. I got home from treatment and felt fine. So I didn’t take the medicine the doctor prescribed, because other than tired, I didn’t feel like I was going to get sick. It was after I got home it started, and I barely left the bathroom all night. Justin helped me clean up, got me in the shower, and I thanked him by throwing up on him. We ended up taking three showers before it passed. We ended up sleeping most of the day and he wouldn’t let me up until I took the medicine that I ignored the day before. When I got downstairs, I didn’t want to eat anything, because even the smell of food made me sick. Nick handed me dry toast and then turned and made more for Daphne when she looked as bad as I did. She looked at me and asked how I was.

“Are you okay?” I asked instead, looking at her pale face.

“Nothing hundreds of other women haven’t gone through.” She whispers.

“Congratulations.” I whispered, hugging her.

“Don’t tell anyone, but I wanted to tell you first.” She tell me.

“Why?” I ask.

“I know if, when Nick has to go, you’ll understand why I don’t need people coddling me. Justin doesn’t get what it’s like to wait.” She tells me.

“Cameron wanted to see you.” Justin tells me, coming in the kitchen with Cameron running towards me. “Cameron be careful, remember Dada’s not feeling good.” He tell him.

Cameron crawled on my lap and took a bite of the toast I didn’t really want. He looked at Nick and smiled when the strawberry jam was spread over it. I ended up taking a few bites because Cameron made me. Nick brought over a shake, which was tasteless but easy to drink. By the afternoon I started feeling better and hoped it stayed that way. I needed to talk to Justin about what Lindsay told his mother.

Cameron was napping while Emmett took Daphne with him to explore the shops around the area. Drew and Nick went outside to give us privacy. Justin was reading an email when I came in the room.

“Anything I need to know about?” I ask.

“Hunter said Lindsay’s been behaving, but that she mentioned she wants to have her parents over at the house. Likely to show off. Ted going to be out of town with Cynthia to help get the launch for Sawyer done. Deb’s trying to test Ryan’s authority, nothing he can’t deal with.” He tells me.

“He should just fire her.” I tell him.

“He will if she takes it too far, but I asked him not to unless she did.” He tells me.

“Why? She’s never had any compassion for you.” I tell him.

“I’d rather not do anything that could make me anything like her.” He tells me.

“We need to talk about what Lindsay told Mom.” I tell him.

“What, that she was disappointed that I didn’t go to London?” He asks.

“No, that she still had the sample I left at the clinic. It was before we met.” I tell him.

“You were going to have another child with her?” He asks.

“If she and Mel had another kid, they didn’t want it to be with another donor. I agreed, because it was a way to have another child. Then I met you and told her no.” I tell him.

“She kept it anyway?” He asks.

“I should have made sure the sample was destroyed, but I trusted her. I called the clinic and they let me know that I still had the authority over it. I already had them take Lindsay’s name off it.” I tell him.

“What are you going to do with it?” He asks.

“At first I was going to tell them to get rid of it, but I figured it didn’t hurt to leave it there.” I tell him.

“You should, we don’t know what will happen after the chemo.” He tells me, looking at the screen when he received another email.

“I don’t really get why it would matter.” I tell him.

“I want more children, and since you’re stuck with me, then we can do it again with you.” He tells me, paying more attention to what he was reading than what he was saying.

“What are you reading?” I ask.

“Michael’s house was set on fire.” He tells me.

“What?” I ask, getting up to see what he was looking at.

My phone rang along with Justin’s. He got up and left before answering. I watched him walk out then answered my phone.

“Hey, Ted asked me to call you and let you know what was going on.” Blake tells me.

“Ted sent Justin an email about it.” I tell him.

“From what I got, the only one home was Michael. He got out and instead of calling the police he called Ted, telling him he needed everyone.” Blake told me.

“I’m not coming.” I tell him.

“Neither is Ted, if he doesn’t want to be in the dog house with me. Plus the house isn’t that bad, the kitchen will need work, but other than that nothing was really that bad.” He tells me.

“How do you know?” I ask.

“One of the fireman was a patient at one time. He said it looked like Michael started a grease fire in the kitchen. Michael’s denying it.” He tells me.

“Thanks.” I tell him before hanging up.

Justin came in and sat on the couch. I sat next to him. “What?” I ask.

“My mom called. Lindsay showed up at her house, trying tell her Gus needed to stay with her at, get this, HER house.”

“What did Mom say?” I ask.

“Told her that he would love to visit her at HIS DAD’s  house, but was still angry at her for letting Mel go to jail. Mom got out of her that she planned a dinner party and wanted Gus there because he was getting confused at who his family was.” Justin tells me.

“I’ll deal with her.” I tell him.

“No, you’ll let your mother-in-law deal with her. Mom told me to tell you that.” He snickers.

“What am I supposed to do?” I ask.

“Not a damn thing but let me take care of you.” He tells me.

“I want to take care of you.” I tell him, leaning our heads together.

“When you’re up for it, please.” He whispered kissing me, I ended up laying down with my head on his lap after realizing I was tired as hell.

BRIAN

The nausea didn’t end for a couple days and I did my best to let Justin be there for me. It wasn’t easy, until I realized that if it was Justin I’d want to do everything I could for him. I let him do the things that I needed because it was what he needed. When he would leave me to sleep, I thought about what he said about having more children. It wasn’t like we would do it now, at least until we got our lives back on track. Did I want another child that was part of me? The more I thought about it, it wasn’t that I was opposed to it, it was more that I loved seeing Justin in Cameron as much as seeing me in Gus. 

Alex came to us when I told Justin that riding back to Pittsburgh wasn’t going to be possible. Gus’s therapist showed up too, when Gus didn’t want to go until he had to for school. I knew he was avoiding Lindsay and didn’t make him go back. His teachers were helping by allowing Gus to do assignments while he stayed with us. I used the excuse of my treatments shamelessly for my son. I looked out the window to see Gus walking with Dr Turner talking and Justin sitting with everyone else while Cameron played in the sand. I wanted to talk to Alex alone before Justin and I talked to him.

“Brian, if you didn’t want to do this today, I understand.” Alex told me.

“Drew said something to me, and I can’t say it doesn’t ring true.” I tell him.

“What did he say?” He asks.

“That I needed to stop thinking that I didn’t deserve Justin. I know there’s parts of me that feel that way.” I tell him.

“Why?” He asks.

“Maybe it was hearing the way he saw my life. I can pretend I didn’t care what anyone thinks about me, but it doesn’t change that it affected the way I treated Justin.” I tell him.

“Brian, the only one you were trying to fool was yourself. If you look out that window, you have real people in your life, people who saw through what you projected to the world. They didn’t let what you said change their view of the man they know you are. The problem is that you had people who were authority figures who wanted you to believe what they were saying, because it kept you where they wanted you. They didn’t like that you could rise above them, and in Deb’s case, she didn’t like that you would one day not be beholden to her.” He tells me.

“I understand that now, but it doesn’t make what I did to Justin sound like anything but an excuse, the way Michael’s life has been one excuse after another. I want to know I won’t let Justin and my children down again.” I tell him.

“You aren’t anything like Michael. You didn’t let him drag you back into the things you left behind when you married Justin. In the past, you would have tricked, and damn the consequences, but as you told us, you didn’t because you knew it was something you couldn’t have dealt with if Justin did it.” He tells me.

“There were nights when Justin turned away that I almost did. I’d sit in the kitchen while Michael partied, thinking fuck, this when Justin hung up.” I tell him.

“The only thing that counts is what you do, not what you thought about doing when you were angry. Anger makes us do stupid things, but you didn’t let it break your promise to Justin.” He tells me.

“I remembered the way Justin looked at me the night I went with Michael after they met. It wasn’t like I wanted to screw anyone, and I didn’t even enjoy what I was doing that night. It made it easy not to repeat the bullshit I did, just to prove a point that wasn’t even true.” I tell him.

“What was that point?” He asks.

“I hated the idea of Justin saying he owned me. I didn’t, but it felt like I had to prove I still lived my life on the terms that were no longer important after I met Justin.” I tell him.

“What happened later when Michael still tried to get you to do things you had promised Justin weren’t part of your marriage?” He asks.

“I tuned him out, I didn’t need to fuck all of Pittsburgh to prove anything. I found out that nameless, faceless people didn’t give me what Justin could.” I tell him.

“Then why let Deb and Michael come between you two?” He asks.

“They were the people who stuck by me all of my life. When I screwed up, Justin walked away but they were still there. They were allowed to shit on him, all because I didn’t want to believe my judgement in the people I let stay in my life was completely wrong.” I tell him.

“Brian, we all make misjudgements about the people in our lives. What it makes you is normal, in that you didn’t want to see anything bad about the people in your life.” He tells me.

“I’m worried about what Michael will do, and how do I protect my family when the chemo is making me sick? Justin has enough to deal with right now.” I tell him.

“What has you worried where Michael is concerned? I’m asking because I trust your judgement.” He tells me.

“Carl told me what happened at the police station after Lindsay pressed charges. I wanted to go there and kick his ass, but I can’t because I don’t want to violate my own restraining order. I know Justin could deal with him, but I brought this shit into his life.” I tell him.

“He knew from the beginning what you brought, which means it didn’t change that he wanted you. Has he ever said he felt like you didn’t deserve him? Made you feel inadequate? ” He asks. 

“No, and it’s one of the reasons I was able to help Mel. Mel and I both got involved with people who came from well-off families. Justin never saw it as making him better than anyone, and I know Lindsay uses it when she and Mel fight.” I tell him.

“Then why would you question if you’re good enough, when Justin doesn’t?” He asks.

GUS

Dr Turner said we should walk around since it was a nice day. It helped me relax since we weren’t sitting in a room. It also made it easier for me to talk when it just seemed like two people enjoying the day together.

“Jenny told me if you wanted to know anything she said, I could tell you. I’d like if we didn’t talk about it, because we need to deal with what you need right now.” She tells me.

“I just want to know she isn’t letting Michael scare her into doing what he wants her to do.” I tell her.

 “She said she knows you and Hunter would be there to help her.” She tells me.

“It sucks because we should be able to depend on our parents. I have my Dads and my Moms, but she’s stuck with Michael. When Ben was alive it wasn’t as bad. He kept Michael from being a total jerk.” I tell her, trying to be nice about Ben.

“You didn’t like Ben?” She asks.

“I did before Jus and my Dad got together. He didn’t treat Jenny or me any differently, but I could tell he didn’t like that my Dad and Jus were together. At first I thought it was because my Dad wasn’t running around taking care of Michael’s drama, but I wonder if it was because he wanted what Jus and Dad had.” I tell her.

“What made you think that?” She asks.

“I heard him and Mama talking once and it sounded like he regretted his life with Michael. He told her that it wasn’t fair that my Dad got the relationship everyone else wanted when my Dad never wanted it. Mama agreed with him, adding that Jus deserved better than a guy who slept with half of Pittsburgh.” I tell her

“She knows what she said was wrong, and that it affected you. Does it still bother you the way people talked about your Dad?” She asks.

“I don’t like the way they made it sound, but what Alex said made sense. It was hard for me to understand because I never lived the kind of life my Dad did. From what his family sounds like, I can see why he would do what he was doing. It makes my problems seem childish in comparison to what he went through.” I tell her.

“Your problems are different, but no less important.” She tells me.

“Right now I’m not sure what my Mom is up to. Dad made it so I could stay, since I didn’t have any tests until next week, but I know she’s been trying to get me to stay with her instead of Nana. I’d rather stay with Nana, and it’s not like Mom has much to say about it.” I tell her.

“Because your about to be eighteen?” She asks.

“No, because my Dad and Jus already promised me that it was my decision.” I tell her.

JUSTIN

Alex left Brian and I alone while he went to get something for lunch. I could see Brian was tired and suggested that we postpone this session.

“What did you see in me?” Brian asks.

“Why are you asking?” I ask.

“It’s just well, we come from different backgrounds. Did it ever bother you?” He asks.

“Why would it, it’s not like the fact that my father had money made him any better than yours. My dad was just richer, but still a dick. Being Craig Taylor’s son didn’t make me special, but being with you does.” I tell him.

“How can you still feel like that after the way I acted this last year?” He asks.

“I love you, and for me it means not giving up. I did that in the beginning, gave up on us instead of trying to straighten things out. It’s what I did in my previous relationships, just left without bothering to try to work it out. I let everything come before relationships. When we fought I walked, but you kept showing up anyway. You wouldn’t let me run the way I did in the past. I should have followed your example and showed up and made you deal with me.” I tell him.

HUNTER

Lindsay was really not as good as Justin about being subtle. What she didn’t get was that it wouldn’t matter what she hinted at, I wouldn’t abandon my sister and Mel so she could play house to impress her parents. She almost cracked when she called Ted to find out what the budget was to redecorate the house, and was likely screaming in her head, while smiling as if nothing bothered her. Ted attempted to apologize for throwing me under the bus, but I told him it wasn’t like I planned to keep it a secret that Brian and Justin put me in charge of the house, and that any expenses were to be taken care of by the account in my name. I suggested Mel, but she told me to remember her track record with Lindsay. She told me to see the trust and faith Brian and Justin had in me was earned. 

One thing I hated was shopping for groceries, and even more when it involved Lindsay coming along. I’ve always had a problem with the money Justin gave me, but he and I talked about it and he told me he was investing in my future and that I should shut up and see it that way. Lindsay on the other hand, thought it meant buy the best of everything. I’d talked to Gus and knew he was reluctant to come to dinner tonight, but wanted to check on Jenny and Mel. I respected Mel for figuring out it was time to put her kids first. Unfortunately my respect for Lindsay, which wasn’t great to begin with, was lowering each day I lived in the same house with her. This shopping trip was eye opening. Lindsay threw things in the cart like price was no object. Which, with the money in the household account, was true, but I refused to spend money on things that I had to look up on my phone to figure out what they were. I finally told her she needed to get her own cart, while I finished shopping for the things Jenny, Mel and I would eat. She didn’t get that I wasn’t spending money on food for Mummy and Daddy. If she wanted to feed her parents dinner than she could do it and pay for it. She’d been sly about her parents coming for dinner, waiting until she knew Gus would be back. Neither Gus nor I got why, since it’s not like her parents even acted like Gus existed most of the time. I wasn’t sure why she wanted Jen there, only that Lindsay ignored everything that pointed to Jen not liking her much.

I turned the corner to another aisle and there stood Deb, staring at the shelf like it had the answers to her life on it. I should have just turned and walked away before she saw me. She stared at me almost as if she didn’t know who I was.

“Hunter, don’t you think it’s time you stop acting like we didn’t take you in and give you a family?” She waited to see if I said anything, but the guilt thing didn’t work on me, the way it did on everyone else. “Michael’s been impossible, and I would appreciate you remembering that he’s your father and supported you.” Again, waiting for me to say something. “I need you to talk to Brian and tell him Michael didn’t mean to hit Lindsay, but he’s been under a lot strain since Brian’s husband made it impossible for Michael to even call and talk to Brian. I’m worried about my son, and think that you should show him support. I don’t understand how you could turn your back on Michael, yet expect him to pay for everything for you.” She glares.

I started laughing, not being able to stop. Michael taking care of anyone was that big of a joke to me. I managed to stop and decided to tell her the truth, not that I expected her to believe me. In order for that to happen she’d have to admit Michael wasn’t her perfect angel.

“I haven’t expect Michael to do anything for me since Ben died. Guess what? I was right not to, since he hasn’t done anything at all for me.” I tell her.

“Of course he has. How else could you pay for college and whatever else you’ve been doing instead of helping out your family?” She asks me.

“Ben cashed in his retirement pension since he knew he wasn’t going to make it to retirement and paid for my college. Justin, you remember him, or maybe you don’t since you can’t seem to say his name, loaned me the money to keep me from having to work, telling me to concentrate on getting my degree. Michael didn’t do anything you seem to think he did, other than scare the shit out of Jenny.” I tell her.

“How could telling her that we love her and want to raise her, scare her. Between Michael and I she’ll be raised to value family. Something Lindsay and Mel forget the minute they cheat on each other. I don’t want Jenny to be raised by two people who lie to each other and everyone else.” She says, as if forgetting she had her own lies she couldn’t even own up to.

“What did Michael tell you about what he said to Jenny?” I ask.

“He told her he wanted her to have the same kind of loving relationship I gave him. If Jenny lives with us she’ll get that from us. You should know that, since we were offering you the same thing before you started treating us like we didn’t matter to you anymore.” She tells me.

“I saw what you did to people. The minute Vic told you his opinion of how you treated Brian, you  banished him from your life. You made it so everyone thought Justin was an asshole because Brian loved him. Then you went out of your way to make sure Brian knew you didn’t welcome Justin in your house. What were you trying to accomplish? How about I guess? You wanted to make sure Brian didn’t leave you dealing with your son’s crap. You know what bothers me the most? You don’t even realize the shit you do, because in your mind, nothing comes before Michael. You accuse Mel and Lindsay of lying, but you conveniently forget you lied to Michael all his life. It’s really sick that there is a man who died a hero, but is being used to keep you from having to tell the truth to anyone. You expect me to be grateful for the roof Ben provided, and I am, but don’t try to somehow make it sound like Michael wanted me in his life, because for once Ben defied Michael and made him take me in. Michael was too busy worrying I’d steal one of his collectables. You were too busy treating me like I owe you, the way you think Brian does for letting him get away from the shit his parents did to him.” I tell her.

“You should at least be grateful that we didn’t leave you with the crack whore you called a mother.” She tells me.

“Why? I’d already left her behind. In fact, wasn’t it you who told Michael and Ben that there was no replacing a mother’s love? You didn’t even bother to find out anything about my mother, but then, you abuse people just as much as she abused me. You just do it in a different way, by preying on their emotions.” I tell her.

“I’m nothing like her, I love people and only want the best for them.” She tells me, outraged.

“No you don’t, because it would mean you’d have to see Michael isn’t the best for anyone. You’d figure out that there is something wrong with Michael and his obsession with Brian. Michael has problems that you ignore, and he’s getting worse because you are continually making excuses for him. He hit Lindsay, and you covered it up, letting Mel take the blame. Do you know how hard it was for me to watch Ben’s love for Michael die a little every time Michael proved over and over that the only person who mattered to him was Brian? Michael made Ben’s life miserable, and you turned a blind eye to it. Ben wasn’t blameless, because he settled for what he thought he could have, something that I won’t do. I won’t let you or anyone else make me feel like I owe you my life. Why I’m even bothering to tell you is really anyone’s guess, since I’m sure you can’t see beyond what you want to believe. Wait, I know why, because I want you to leave Jenny out of this, she doesn’t need the kind of love you offer to people. She doesn’t need to feel like unless she caters to Michael’s ass she isn’t good enough in your eyes. It’s what you did to Vic and Brian, and I won’t let that happen to my sister.” I tell her.

“Is that what JUSTIN made you believe?” She asks.

“He didn’t have to make me believe anything, I lived it. If you try to take Jenny, I’ll take the money JUSTIN would give me if I asked and fight you for her.” I tell her, walking off.

“I’m ready Hunter.” Lindsay tells me as I head to the register. She has a cart full of high price items.

“Go ahead, while I pay for these things. I’ll see you at the car.” I tell her, not willing to pay for food that she bought to impress her parents.

“But I need you to…”

“I promised Brian to only use the money he left me in charge of on things related to the needs of the people living in the house. I won’t pay for things that you bought for a dinner that doesn’t have anything to do with a household expense. It’s something you shouldn’t expect, since they were generous enough to save you money that you’d have to pay if you didn’t move into their house.” I tell her, leaving her to do what she wanted.

She came out a few minutes later with only a few bags and huffed as I had just left the trunk open for her, not offering to help.

TED

Today was not my day. First it was Deb not getting that Kinnetik was considered a no-go zone for her. It took telling her that Carl would be on his way if she didn’t walk out immediately. I followed her to the door and of course was told that I needed to help Michael. My answer was to open the front door and close it when she walked out. I waited until the security guard warned her not to come back. Cynthia shook her head and told me next time she’d be escorted out by the police. She wasn’t happy that I didn’t call, but Carl needed a break too.

An hour later, Michael had called my cell a dozen times, asking me where Brian was. His last message was a warning that he would be waiting at my door if I didn’t call him back. I’d already discussed it with Blake and we both agreed that we needed to move, for our sanity. Which is why Jen showed up with a few houses for us to look at. She got a call and went into Brian’s office to look up a listing for a client. Lindsay showed up and walked into my office, just missing Jen. She started out acting concerned about all the responsibility we foisted on Hunter.

“He really shouldn’t have to deal with everything, and I think it’s awful that you and Brian expect him to. He has school and he can’t even enjoy it like a normal college student.” She tells me.

“Hunter agreed to help Mel when you let her take the blame for what Michael did.” I tell her, not willing to sugar coat the shit.

“I didn’t know what to do, Michael was going to make Brian and Justin think I had an ulterior motive for not destroying Brian’s last donation. I didn’t know if Brian would believe me, since he didn’t believe Justin over Michael.” She tells me, sniffling.

“I doubt that would have been a problem unless you ended up pregnant. Of course now you don't have to worry about it at all, Brian was able to return control over how it was used, to him.” Jen tells her, which Lindsay didn’t look happy about.

“Hopefully he won’t think he and Justin need another child to cover up the problems in their marriage.” Lindsay tells her.

“They are dealing with their problems first, and once they do, then I’ll be happy to be a grandmother. If that is what he and Justin decide.” Jen tells her.

“I actually came here to talk to Ted, and maybe you can help me. I don’t understand why Brian would put everything on Hunter when Mel and I should be the ones in charge of our lives.” She tell her.

“If you and Mel managed things better, then I would agree. Brian was worried about Jenny, and knew Hunter would put her needs above his own. You and Mel need time to deal with what happened to cause you two to separate again. This way you don’t have to worry about things other than fixing things with your children and Mel. Ted can’t help you, because it’s already been agreed that I take over if Hunter needs a break.” Jen tells her.

“I guess my life is at your and Hunter’s whims. I wanted to repair my relationship with my parents too, for Gus’s sake. They are his real grandparents, and it’s not fair to you that we expect you to take on Gus too.” She tells Jen.

“I might not be related by blood, but it doesn’t change that he’s means just as much to me as Cameron does. Do you really think bringing your parents around is the right thing to do when there’s already enough issues you need to deal with? I’ll be honest, Gus really isn’t interested in them and I doubt either of them cares any more than they have in the last eighteen years since Gus was born.” Jen tells her.

“She’s right, why try to force them into Gus’s life when they weren’t interested when he was born.” I tell her.

“I thought Jen could help, I planned to invite you too. I think they need to see what they’re missing by seeing what you have with Gus.” Lindsay tells her, pouring on the bullshit.

“What does Mel think about having them over?” Jen asks.

“I didn’t plan to have Mel with us. Mel has always been uncomfortable with seeing the life I led before her. Plus, my parents wouldn’t accept Jenny, and I don’t want Jenny to be hurt by the way they might treat her.” She tell her.

“Where are you planning on having this dinner? Because I really don’t see how you hide two people, or three, who also live in the house, since I doubt you planned to have Hunter there.” Jen asks.

“It’s why I wanted to talk to Ted about me controlling our finances. Right now Hunter is being impossible about things. If Mel or I were in charge then Mel could take Jenny and Hunter out for the night while I work on my parents.” She tells us.

“Why couldn't you do that with the money you and Mel have? The money Brian and Justin put aside wasn’t to entertain you but to lessen some of the burdens.” I tell her.

“Well fine, I guess we don’t need to discuss it anymore. I just worried about Hunter.” Lindsay says getting up, acting like it didn’t matter to her.

“Hunter is doing great, so worry about Jenny and Gus.” Jen warns.

I waited until Lindsay left, turning to see Jen isn’t happy at all. “If there’s a problem, don’t hesitate to call me. Look over the listings with Blake and we’ll go look at the ones you like next week. I can speed up the closing if you need me to.” Jen tells me.

“Do I look that worn out?” I ask.

“I’m trying to prevent you from looking worn out. Next time, call Carl.” Jen tells me.

“Cynthia told.” I grumble.

“She doesn’t have a soft heart where Deb is concerned, and neither do I. I told Brian I would handle things and if you need me to do it for you, then call.” Jen tells me.

JUSTIN

Brian was over the nausea in time to take Gus back to my mom’s house. He wanted to check on things with Ted, and offered to have him and Blake over to the house before we left to go back. We were planning to stay at the beach house until the treatment was over, but there were still things we had to deal with in Pittsburgh. Nick told me about Daphne, and at first I was upset that she told Brian but not me. I got over it when she told me it was because Brian didn’t hover the way I do sometimes. It made me worry that I was hovering too much over Brian. Brian rolled his eyes when I asked.

“If things were reversed, I’d be even worse than you. At first it bothered me, but only because you’d run yourself ragged trying to take care of me. Only I know you need to be able to do things, the way I would need to if it was you. So hover away, because I need you to.” He tells me, kissing me.

Ted and Blake came over while Gus was packing a bag to stay with my mom. Ted smiled at me as he went into the living room to see Brian, but I could see that he was stressed.

“Anything I need to know?” I ask, checking to see if Michael bought anything else.

“Lindsay’s been attempting to sweet talk Ted into setting up an account. She thinks Hunter shouldn’t be responsible for things around the house. Jen showed up to give Ted the specs on… well she showed up in time to shut Lindsay down.” Blake tells me.

“What is my mother showing Ted?” I ask.

“Ted and I are thinking about moving out of Pittsburgh. Not far, just not so close to other people.” He tells me.

“Is he planning to quit?” I ask.

“No. He wants to make me happy. Michael keeps showing up and harassing both of us to find out where you and Brian are. He told us that he knew you two weren’t here, and went ballistic when no one would tell him where you two went. Ted reminded him he isn’t supposed to come near any of you, which Michael didn’t take well. Justin, Ted said he started talking to himself and made it sound like he planned to get rid of everything that took Brian from him.” Blake tells me.

“Please tell me Ted isn’t telling Brian any of this. Brian is already worried enough about protecting me and the kids. It worries him that he can’t take care of us right now.” I tell him.

“Ted asked me to tell you and let you decide what to tell Brian.” He tells me.

“Tell me what?” Brian asks, as he and Ted come in.

“Michael’s causing problems for Ted and Blake.” I tell him.

“How?” He asks.

“Showing up, asking where you are. Wishing I’d disappear. It’s nothing new.” I tell him.

“What happened at Michael’s house?” Brian asks Ted.

“The kitchen will need to be redone, but otherwise, nothing that makes it unlivable. He’s thinks we didn’t tell you.” Ted tells him.

“Where is he?” Brian asks.

“Not sure. After he got arrested he said he had things he needed to do and disappeared. Deb’s been trying to find him.” Blake tells us.

“How do you know?” Ted ask him.

“She showed up at my clinic, demanding that we help her find Michael.” Blake tells him.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I should have dealt with her.” Ted tells him.

“It’s not your fault or Brian’s that she does the things she does. When I told you to choose, it was because I was tired of seeing the shit they do to you. I got tired of watching you tear yourself in two to be everything for everyone.” Blake tells him.

“I’ll get someone to find out where he is.” Nick tell us.

“Thanks.” Brian says, relieved.

“Are you really that worried about him?” I ask Brian.

“If anything happened to you… “

“I feel the same way.” I tell him.

HUNTER

Gus came in with Jen and headed straight for Jenny’s room, ignoring his mother when she called for him to come in the kitchen. Lindsay was driving everyone crazy with her cleaning and demands that we try not to mess up the house. I almost asked her if it was a joke. Until this idea of having her parents over started, she was the one who didn’t pick up after herself, or even bother to do laundry. I really don’t think she realized there weren’t magic fairies that took care of everything, at least that’s what I decided to believe, instead of the fact that Lindsay was really the person she’d become lately. She and Mel didn’t even try to talk to each other, instead Mel went to her sessions without complaint and pretended Lindsay wasn’t even in the same room. 

It was only when Jenny was in the same room that Mel and Lindsay interacted, and neither of them were fooling Jenny or anyone else. I offered Mel an ear to bend, because for the first time in a long time she wasn’t trying to find a way to blame anyone else for her problems. She needed someone, the way I did at the funeral. She told me that one of the things that bothered her was when she realized in her sessions that somewhere after meeting Lindsay she no longer had friends outside of Lindsay’s chosen friends. She still had her friends at first, and then as time went on she managed to alienate each person who fell outside of Lindsay’s requirements of friends. 

“What was wrong with your friends?” I asked.

“It’s really funny, but they were a lot like Brian, before Justin. Lindsay didn’t like them for the same reason she loved Brian. In fact, the only friend we agreed about was Justin. He didn’t get involved in our lives, but I think he knew that we were just going through the motions, as if the problems we ran from weren’t still there in the back of our minds. He gave Gus and Jenny a distraction from what they were dealing with at home. Just like Ted, I screwed up my friendship with Justin.” She tells me.

“Mel, there’s always a way back. Show them both that the things you did to drive them off are no longer part of the person your working on becoming.” I tell her.

Mel and I decided to let Lindsay have her dinner in the dining room. It’s not like it bothered either of us, or that we wanted to watch the games Lindsay and her parents like to play with each other. Mel made us dinner and we planned to eat in the living room, away from the dining room. Lindsay didn’t say a word about it, only commenting that Mel must of given up being vegan along with their marriage. Mel’s answer hit the mark. “I have nothing against meat, which apparently you don’t either, depending on the day.” Mel told her, flipping the chops she was making.

Lindsay didn’t say anything about us leaving while her parents were over, just set the dining room table with six place settings. At first I thought she wanted Mel to eat with them, but when Justin arrived with Jen so he could talk to me, Lindsay told him she would love to have him join her and her parents for dinner.

“Sorry, but Brian and I have plans tonight. I only came to see that Hunter wasn’t being overburdened by the responsibilities we put on him.” Justin tells her.

“I hope I didn’t make you think I meant it as anything but concern that Hunter is putting his life on hold when he shouldn’t have to. With everything going on, I wanted to work on repairing the relationships in my life, and I didn’t want to subject Hunter to our problems.” Lindsay tells him.

“Let me assure you that if Hunter felt it was a problem, Brian and I had already made alternate plans on how things would be done.” Justin tells her, walking out of the house.

I followed him out the door, since he came over to talk to me. “I can handle it.” I assured him.

“I know you can, I really just wanted to know how things have been going for Jenny.” He tells me.

“She’s doing better now that she knows she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to. I talked to Deb but I doubt it did any good.” I tell him.

“Ryan called me and told me she hasn’t had any luck getting anyone to listen to her.” He tells me.

“Are you planning to let it out that you own the diner?” I ask him.

“It’s going to come out soon anyway, and if you want, I’ll keep you out of it.” He tells me.

“I don’t care what anyone will think, you agreed that I could start working off the loan.” I tell him.

“You’re as stubborn as I am. If anyone gives you a hard time, call Cynthia and she’ll deal with anything you can’t. Just trust your instincts about people.” He tells me.

Lindsay’s parents pulled in and Nancy jumped out of the car, walking towards Justin. “Justin, Lindsay told us she knew you. I’m so glad to finally meet you and thank-you for taking such an interest in our grandson.” She tells him, smiling towards me. Which just said it all about how this evening was going to go.

“I’m sure when you see Gus, you’ll be surprised at how much he grew up in the last eighteen years.” Justin tells her.

“Oh yes, sorry we were just excited that you would be here tonight. My daughter Lynette is planning a benefit and we were hoping to talk you into donating something to raise funds for a worthy cause.” She tells him.

“Sorry if you were told I was going to be here, but I didn’t have any plans to be. I’m sure Lindsay was confused, since she invited my mother to be here. Have a good evening and make sure Gus does too.” He tells her, before leaving.

GUS    

I knew if I told Jus and Nana I didn’t want to be here they would have let me stay home, but I was curious about my mom’s parents. Not because I expected them to suddenly regret never bothering to get to know me, but because my mother couldn’t see that what she wanted from them wasn’t going to happen. 

It’s weird, because when they came in, they were formal with mom. It wasn’t the hugs I was used to when I saw my mom. In fact, as I grew up it was just embarrassing to have her all over me. So watching her with her parents made me see that maybe my mom had issues that caused her to do some of the things she did. 

When they greeted Nana next, I could tell Nana wasn’t really interested in what they were talking about, but she answered their questions. Then I saw my mom get upset when they congratulated Nana about Jus getting married to my Dad. Mom looked like someone kicked her when her mother told Nana that she must be proud that her son married well, and was told by her daughter, not my mom, that they also were raising two children while being as successful as they are. At this point, I realized they were complete assholes and had to wonder why Mom even gave a crap about them.

“They were lucky to have Gus around to show them they wanted more children.” Nana says, smiling at me.

“Both Ron and I have always wanted to have a closer relationship with our grandson.” Nancy tells her.

“Yes, unfortunately Lindsay seems to always have reasons to keep us from knowing him. Then of course, she did like she always does and left someone else to deal with her responsibilities. Gus has been lucky to have such wonderful fathers.” Ron tells her, with a warning look at my mom.

“We couldn’t believe it when Lynette told us that Justin Taylor was raising our grandson.” Nancy tells her, all but ignoring my mom about to blow.

“Mel and Lindsay wanted Gus to have the opportunity to be a big brother to Cameron as well as to Jenny. Justin used to spend all his phone calls telling me about how wonderful Gus was and when he married Brian he was thrilled that Lindsay and Mel let Gus live with them. Since it was hard for both of them to let him go.” Nana tells them.

“We just feel it makes us more family towards you and Justin.” Nancy tell her. 

“Does it?” My mom whispered.

“Well of course. Gus was given the opportunity to be around people we had hoped you could have cultivated in your circle.” Nancy tells her.

“Lindsay always had this unfortunate ability to bring the wrong people into her life.” Ron tells Jen.

“Such as who?” Nana asks.

“It wasn’t that we had a problem with Mel, just that Lindsay wanted to flaunt her association with Mel at times when it wasn’t appropriate. It didn’t matter to her that it was Lynette’s day, she had to ruin it by bringing people who couldn’t behave appropriately, then she proposed during Lynette’s moment. It was really rather embarrassing for everyone, including Mel, at the time.” Nancy tell her.

“I only brought Emmett and Ted because you and Lynette didn’t want anyone to know I was with Mel, and it’s surprising that you’re telling Jen you wanted to get to know Gus, but didn’t want him at the wedding where anyone would see he existed.” Mom tells her.

“It wasn’t that we didn’t want anyone to know Gus existed. Just that you tend to forget everything isn’t about you. Gus didn’t need to be used for you to show off, when Lynette should have been the one to shine that night.” Nancy corrected her.

“You never once acknowledged that Mel and I were together. Yet, because Justin is in the right social sphere, you’re okay with the fact that he married Brian, a man?” Mom asks, losing it.

“We didn’t have a problem with Brian.” Nancy tells her.

“Just Mel then, or was it the fact that I didn’t pick someone who you could show off?” Mom asks.

“Lindsay, it’s not time to throw another tantrum. We came here to get to know Gus and are not happy that once again you didn’t tell us the truth about tonight. Lynette was excited when she heard we were going to have a chance to talk to Justin about helping out with her charity. Now hopefully Jen and Gus will help us, so we don’t have to disappoint Lynette.” Nancy tells her.

“I doubt Nana or I will be of any help. Unless Justin believes in the cause, he doesn’t waste his time with them.” I tell her, not liking the way they talked to my Mom or about Mama.

Mama stood at the doorway, for the first time looking at Mom. “Was this what you expected? If it is, I don’t think Brian or Justin would be happy to have Gus in the middle of it.” Mel tells her, ignoring Nancy and Ron.

“Do you want to eat with Mel? I can deal with this.” Nana tells me.

“Don’t be silly, we came to get to know Gus. We can ignore Lindsay and do just that.” Nancy tells us.

“Yeah, I’m sure you can. You’ve been doing it all her life.” Mama tells her.

“I don’t see the point in getting to know you, when it only seems like you both want to use me to get to Jus. In fact, Jus won’t be happy to find out that that was the only reason you came here tonight.” I tell them, smiling when they both look worried.

“Justin tends to get his back up when he feels like anyone is using his kids. And Brian tends to want to destroy anyone who pisses off Justin or Gus.” Mama tells them.

“Can we sit down and have dinner as planned? I’m sure Lindsay has been slaving away when she should have had it catered instead of subjecting us to what she capable of.” Nancy tell us.

“I’m sure it’s possible, Nancy. For once it smells like she got past her vegan stage and will serve us something we like.” Ron tells her, looking hopeful that he defused the fight.

“Sorry, that was the dinner I made for my group tonight. We didn’t want to be here to witness your disapproval of everything.” Mama tells him.

“Thank-god we ate earlier.” Ron whispers, only it wasn’t like we didn’t all hear it.

“I’d love to eat with you.” I tell Mama, not willing to sit and watch my mom and her parents.

“But Gus.” Mom protested.

“I won’t sit here and watch them run Mama and you down. I’d end up saying something like Dad does, and they would figure out I honestly don’t see the point in pretending they way they do; that sharing the same DNA would give them an in with my Dads. I’d rather spend time with people who don’t have an agenda for being nice to me. It really says a lot about them that they think gay marriage is okay as long as they needed Jus’s help.” I tell her, leaving the room.

“We also came to see the house. Your mother was so proud of it.” Nancy tells us, like that was going to save something.

“My Dads liked it, but decided it was a cold place to live. Kind of like the house my mom grew up in.” I tell her, making Mama laugh.

BRIAN

I was sitting out in the backyard waiting for Justin to return. He’d been worried about the whole dinner. Nick was inside with Blake, helping finish the dinner Justin was cooking. Justin didn’t want to keep it a secret that he was buying everything, and told me that Hunter knew and planned to help. Hunter wanted to pay back the money Justin gave him for things he needed. 

The timing was good because we wouldn’t be here after Deb figured it out. I haven't renewed my part of the restraining order with Deb, for no other reason than to show her that she no longer controlled my life. Michael’s I kept in place, because if not he would see it as me wanting him back in my life. Ted wasn’t happy, but also knew nothing would change what I wanted. I wanted Deb to understand anything she once held over me was gone. Justin didn’t say anything about it, just told me if she became a problem, the order goes back. I knew Justin wanted a chance to see her face when she found out that he was responsible for her still having a job and a way to support herself. I wanted to be the one to tell her, and Justin agreed, only because I told him I wanted to talk to her. I looked over at the bidding on the things Justin put up, and upped it again. It was fun to watch Michael lose every cent, including the money Ted made him. 

I kept feeling like someone was watching me, it came from years of being able to tell when someone was scoping me out at clubs. Looking around, I didn’t see anyone, but who ever it was was there. Nick came out and sat down next to me, and I could see he knew there was someone out there too.

“See anyone?” I whispered.

“Yep, but not anyone I recognize.” He tells me, getting up and walking straight at the tree line. He started running when the person jumped up and tried to take off. I didn’t go in like he told me to, but waited to see what the hell this was about. Nick returned with a kid struggling against him.

“Let’s go inside. Justin is almost here.” Nick tells me.

“I didn’t do anything, just stopped for a minute.” The kid tells us.

Looking at the kid and his threadbare clothes told me he didn’t belong in this neighborhood. We managed to get him in the kitchen and Blake took one look at him and made him a plate of the pasta they just finished making. Nick put the kid in a chair and stood behind him waiting for him to try to run.

“Before you take off, at least eat.” Blake tells him.

“I need to go.” He tells us.

“Not until you tell us why you’re here.” Nick tells him.

“I was just looking around. Is that a crime here in richville?” He asks, glaring at Nick.

Only when Justin came in the door, the kid looked relieved. “Do you know Justin?” I ask him.

“Does who know me?” Justin asks, looking at the kid.

“He was out in the trees watching the house.” Nick tell him.

“I just wanted to make sure he was okay.” The kid tells us.

“Why?” Nick asks, sounding harsh.

“Nick, knock it off.” Justin tell him. “What made you think I wouldn’t be okay? What’s your name?” Justin asks him.

“I really need to go.” The kid says, getting nervous.

“No one is going to hurt you, but we need to know why you were watching the house.” Blake tells him.

“I’d like to at least know your name.” Justin tells him.

“I don’t want my brother to get in trouble.” The kid tells us. “Max, that’s my name.” 

“Max, why were you here?” Justin asks softer.

“I was skipping school and there was someone talking about you. I didn’t know what to do, so I came here, not really sure what to do.” Max mumbles.

“Was your brother involved?” I ask.

“NO. He works at the diner and we just got a place to live and he’s going to school and going to make something of himself so we’ll be okay.” He tells us running the words together. “I’m supposed to be in school, but it sort of sucks being the small kid, you know. I wander around a lot, and sometimes hang out with Ryan. So I know you’re the reason my brother’s getting a way to make a better life for us.” He tells Justin.

“You heard something about me?” Justin asks.

“Yeah, but none of the guys were taking it seriously. Only, I was worried, because sometimes when you’re desperate you do stupid shit, looking for money.” He mumbles.

“Look, whatever it is, I promise you that your brother won’t get in trouble for it.” Justin tells him.

“This guy was asking around, saying he’d pay someone to rough you up and didn’t care how rough they got. Just wanted to make sure you weren’t pretty anymore.” He tells me, turning red. “Only, a lot of the guys heard you were the one offering people jobs even if they didn’t have a place to live. So they just told the guy to get lost.” He tells us.

“Do you know what he looks like?” Nick asks.

“No, it was just what the other guys discussed.” He tells us.

“You came here to do what?” Nick asks.

“I don’t know, I mean I’m small, but I thought if anyone showed up I could do something.” Max tells us.

“Who’s your brother? I promise he’ll still have his job.” Justin says when the kid started shaking his head no.

“Joseph. Ryan found out we’d been living at the shelter but that we took off when they tried to put me in foster care. Joseph takes care of me.” He tells us.

“How about Blake and I take you home, after you eat. Maybe we could help with the school thing.” Ted tells him, looking at me.

“Stop and get him a better coat and shoes. I wouldn’t have spotted you or caught you if you weren’t wearing shoes that were too big for you.” Nick tells him.

“Normally I’m pretty fast.” Max tells him.

“Max, tell Ryan, and he’ll make sure we know.” Justin tells him.

“I didn’t want to cause problems, that’s why I hid.” Max tells him, seeming to be comfortable enough to eat.

“He just wanted someone to beat me up?” Justin asks.

“He said if you weren’t pretty than it would be easier. Something about it’s the only thing someone cares about.” Max tells Justin.

“I’m sure he thinks that.” I tell Max.

“Well, he is kind of pretty.” Max tells me.

“How old are you?” Nick asks him.

“Sixteen, only I know I look like I’m twelve.” He tell him.

“I did too.” Justin tell him.

“My brother told me I’m just a late bloomer, but you know, I’d like to get to the blooming thing.” He tells him.

“Why?” Justin asks.

“Cause, I mean, look at the guy you got.” He tells him.

MEL

After everyone either left or went to their rooms, I sat thinking about what I needed to do. Once Lindsay pressed charges against Michael, my need for her was pretty much gone. I didn’t even feel any anguish over the death of our relationship, just stupid for not seeing that it had been over long ago and the move to Canada just prolonged the inevitable. It was the part of me that hated failing and kept thinking that eventually we’d figure out where the relationship went wrong. 

It was just after hearing Lindsay on the phone sounding frustrated over something before hanging up - which my head automatically thought was that Brian wouldn’t answer her - when she said something that bothered me more. She mentioned Michael’s name and that she should have done it herself. I couldn’t think of any good reason that either of them would talk to the other. Her phone went off and she let out a sigh before answering again and proceeded to tell the person the only way she would help was for him to leave Jenny and Gus out of all of it. She hung up and I could hear the sniffling, since Lindsay has never been one to suffer alone. I stood there for a minute making sure I wouldn’t let the sad madonna look she would likely have the minute I walk in, appear, stearate me from my coarse.

She was sitting in front of the mirror staring at herself, looking as if she needed to find what was so wrong with her that her parents couldn’t love her the way they did Lynette. It’s something I did for the last few years, look at myself trying to figure out what made people love other people more than me.

“Did you come to gloat?” She asks, looking up at me.

“No, I wanted to make sure you weren’t letting them get to you.” I tell her, sitting on the bed.

“It’s not like I should have expected better. I guess it’s watching the way Jen doesn’t spend her life disapproving of everything Justin did in his life. She loves him even if he made decisions she might not agree with.” She tells me.

“Justin was lucky, he got a wonderful mother, and even with the crap from last year, a man that loves him. It’s part of the reason I have problems with their relationship. For years they made it seem easy, while there were days I couldn’t figure out why we were still together.” I tell her.

“Are you even willing to try to work this out with me?” She asks.

“I don’t need to, all I needed was for you to press charges on Michael. When we talked about you moving in here, it was just because I didn’t trust you to do the right thing, not in hopes of working anything out. I think we both know it’s been over for a while, it’s time to end it before we no longer like each other.” I tell her.

“Deb and Michael are still planning to sue you.” She tells me.

“What Deb decrees means nothing, grandparents really have no rights. The only one I was worried about was Michael; because he didn’t want Jenny for any purpose but his. Now Michael doesn’t worry me, I have enough that if he pushes me, he won’t even get supervised visitation. It’s something I don’t want to do, for Jenny’s sake, but will to insure that she doesn’t have to deal with him messing with her head. Even without hitting you, this last year wouldn’t look good in court for him. I have Brian to thank for what I know and have on him.” I tell her.

“How does it feel that you have to thank Brian again for saving you?” She taunts, only it no longer hurts.

“He’s always been a hero, only this time he’s mine, for looking past my shitty behavior. Because he won’t let Jenny be subjected to what he was. So in answer, it feels wonderful, and makes me ashamed of myself for the way I treated him. Although I will say it’s nice that he doesn’t expect anything for helping me, something new for me since I met you.” I tell her.

“If that’s how you feel, why stay here, you’ve never liked this house.” She tells me, as if my being here interfered with her plans.

“Actually, that’s what I came to talk to you about. Since Brian and Justin told me that Jenny and I were welcome to use this house indefinitely, we need to talk about where you plan to go. And don’t try to act like you don’t have a way to support yourself, we both know you have enough stashed away.” I tell her.

“Only because I knew I’d need it, just like the last time. You don’t care what happens to anyone but you.” She tells me.

“Obviously it must be my fault, because who would expect a grown woman to take care of herself? No one ever really expected Michael to either.” I tell her, knowing how little she liked anyone comparing her to Michael.

“It worked for years for him.” She mumbled.

“It isn’t working anymore. Brian no longer cares about anyone but his family.” I tell her.

“For now. But we both know Brian will eventually grow tired and shit all over Justin again. I don’t get why Justin can’t see that he’s giving up everything, for Brian.” She says, not really talking to me.

“When you really love someone, I guess you don’t feel like your giving up anything to be with them. Something you always felt like you did for me.” I tell her.

“If Justin wasn’t…” She suddenly stopped whatever she was going to say.

“He wasn't what?” I ask.

“Nothing. Just something I was arguing with someone over earlier.” She waves off.  “About moving out, until we’re sure about Michael and Deb, I want to be here to help. We can just do what we’ve been doing, ignore each other and help the kids.” She tells me, opening the door to the bedroom.

When the door closed I had to wonder what she didn’t say about Justin.

JUSTIN

Brian was thinking loudly next to me in bed. He wanted to leave after hearing what Max said. Ted and Blake talked to Joseph, who wasn’t happy that Max was skipping school but admitted that with work and school that he didn’t exactly keep the best eye on his brother. Blake offered to help anytime they needed it. Ted also told him they could look into alternative schools since Max was having trouble with bullies. 

Brian called Emmett and told him we were staying for a few days. He asked him to bring Cameron here when I told him we were staying until Nick had time to see if they could figure out if Michael was really behind this bullshit. I thought it would be better to keep Cameron away, but Brian told me at this point he wanted everyone he loved where he could see them. We had to be back in time for his treatment, but until then we didn’t have to go back. My mom came over with Gus when Brian told her we were staying. Gus didn’t say anything but that it was a total waste of time meeting the Petersons. Which put a big fat NO on anything they wanted from me.

“What?” I ask, leaning over to look at his face. He’d turned over and looked at the wall.

“I don’t like what I heard tonight.” He tells me.

“That you would only be with me if I was pretty.” I teased.

“Justin, this is serious.” He tells me.

“I’m not taking this as a joke, but you do realize that I can hold my own in a fight, right. Nick made sure I knew how to fight and when to get the fuck away. I had to train in order to be allowed to do some of the things they wanted me to do.” I tell him.

“No I don’t know that. It’s one of the things we spent years not talking about. It doesn’t change the fact that someone is willing to pay to have you hurt, or worse.” He tells me, angry.

“No, but it does make me curious.” I tell him.

“What about it does?” He asks me.

“Michael saying anything that compliments me. Can you really see him saying I was attractive?” I ask him.

“‘Pretty’ isn’t a compliment, when you think about it.” He tells me.

“It would be to Michael. I could see him maybe hiring someone to hurt you, thinking that’s the only reason I want you. It’s just, Michael never really got what you saw in me.” I tell him.

“He saw the way men’s eyes followed you. It used to drive me nuts, and he told me once it’s because they wanted what I had. So he might have hated you, but he wasn’t blind to you.” He tells me.

“BUT, if Michael was describing me he wouldn’t tell someone I was pretty, or anything else that didn’t make me sound like a gold-digging whore, or any of the other shit he used to refer to me as.” I tell him.

“Even with the shit he said, it’s not like he didn’t see you.” He tells me.

“Believe it or not, not everyone sees me the way you do.” I tell him, because I’ve always seen myself as average, yet Brian doesn’t.

“Michael would believe the only reason I wanted you would be how you looked. In the past it was all that mattered to me.” He tells me, yawning.

“It’s all that matters to most people. Attraction is important to people. You could say I was just as vain, since I’m with you.” I tell him.

“When we first met my looks didn’t sway you.” He tells me.

“You really think that? I spent all my time looking at your picture on Kinnetiks web site, trying to find a flaw.” I tell him.

“Did you find one?” He asks, closing his eyes, falling asleep.

“Only that I regretted saying no.” I whispered, waiting for him to start wheezing.

An hour later Drew was at the door with Cameron, and we put him in bed with Brian. I left before I ended up getting in bed with them. There was just too much going on in my head for me to sleep and I didn’t want to bother them. Nick came outside and sat next to me.

“What’s on your mind?” He asks.

“I find it hard to believe that Michael is behind this.” I tell him.

“What’s bothering you about it being Michael?” He asks me.

“Can you see Michael actually admitting that I’m good looking?” I ask.

“You have a point. Pretty, no; gold digging whore, then yeah.” He tells me.

“That’s why I don’t know if it’s Michael behind this.” I tell him.

“Who do you think is behind it?” He asks, not even really worried. He put me through my paces when I wanted to learn to fight and knew I could handle most people.

“Michael, possibly. Mel, only if she really hasn’t turned over a new leaf. Deb, but only because I’ve heard her refer to my looks as the only reason Brian was still interested. Lindsay, but only because she thinks Brian is the reason my career isn’t the same as it was when she met me. My dad, since he’s never been happy that I managed to live my life the way I want.” I tell him, he rolls his eyes at the last one. 

“Why Lindsay? She supported you and Brian. Mel didn’t, but if it was her, she’d want Brian to be the one hurt, not you.” He tells me.

“In Lindsay’s eyes, Brian is that shallow. I hope it is Michael.” I tell him.

“Only because you’ve been waiting for a reason to kick his ass. Ever think maybe it’s the two of them playing everyone?” He asks.

“Let’s hope not, for Gus. Why would Lindsay have been willing to put him in jail the other day if they were working together?.” I tell him.

“It would make it less likely, not rule it out.” Nick adds.

“Michael’s never been great at making plans.” Drew tells us, coming out.

“He’s good at manipulating people. I’ve always thought Lindsay was smarter, but now I have to wonder if maybe Michael just hides it better.” I tell them.

BRIAN

When I woke up Cameron was plastered on top of me, drooling. I felt for Justin and found the bed empty. I hated that I was constantly tired, because it meant missing Justin in the mornings. In the last couple of weeks, unless Justin was up with me while I heaved a lung, we didn’t lay in bed together in the morning. Not that I minded waking up with Cameron, but I missed mornings when I turned over and saw Justin there. 

I lifted Cameron off me, and carried him downstairs with me. He was still sleeping when I got to the kitchen. Nick was on the phone looking like he wanted to murder someone. Justin wasn’t there, and I had a feeling it’s why Nick looked like he wanted to blow something up.

“Hey, want me to take him?” Emmett asks, putting a plate on the table for me.

“Where’s Justin?” I ask.

“Well apparently that’s the question of the hour.” Drew tells me.

“He slipped out last night, after we all went to bed.” Emmett tells me.

“I swear to God, when I find him, I’m going to spank his ass and Daphne’s, for you Brian.” Nick tells me, hanging up the phone.

“Explain what’s going on.” I tell him.

“Let me take Cameron. I doubt he’ll sleep through the tirade Nick’s on. Do me a favor and eat before you explode.” Emmett tells me, taking Cameron out of the room.

“I should have known he’d do this, but I stupidly forgot who Justin was. Last night he said it was his job to take care of his family. Which in Justin speak means he plans to figure this out. It also means that his partner in crime, my pregnant wife, helps him. We need to find out what made him take off after talking to Mel, because right now no one can find him.” Nick tells me.

‘How do you know he called Mel?” I asked.

“Because I snooped, with Justin it’s the only way to find out what he doesn’t want you to know. Justin left his phone here so we couldn’t trace him.” He tells me.

“If she causes him to get hurt…” I growled dialing her number.

“Brian?” Mel answers, sounding like I woke her up.

“Is Justin over there?” I ask.

“No. I thought he would be, but he hasn’t showed up.” She tells me.

“Why did you think he would be?” I ask her.

“He didn’t like that Lindsay put Gus in that situation with her parents last night. Was Gus upset when he got home? He seemed okay when he left with Jen.” She tells me.

“He was fine, just didn’t want anything to do with them again. Is that all you and Justin talked about?” I ask.

“I told him that I asked Lindsay to leave, and not to trust her.” She tells me.

“Why would you tell him not to trust her?” I ask.

“She was on the phone and it sounded like it had something to do with Michael. I didn’t get why she would even have anything to do with Michael. I didn’t tell Justin this, but she told whoever she was talking to that she wouldn’t help if they didn’t leave Gus and Jenny out of it. I know I should have called, but I’m not even sure what she was talking about.” She says, sounding like she didn’t believe herself.

“Mel, if you want me to continue helping you, then you tell me whatever it is. If Lindsay’s doing anything that hurts my family, then you keeping silent doesn’t make you innocent.” I tell her.

“She didn’t finish whatever it was that she was saying. All she said was ‘if Justin wasn’t...’. I don’t even know what that means.” She tells me.

“I’ll be there in a hour, you make sure she doesn’t go anywhere until I get there.” I tell her hanging up.

“What?” Nick asks.

“If Lindsay has anything to do with this, then I’ll fucking destroy her.” I tell him, going upstairs to get dressed.

JUSTIN

“So why are we breaking and entering?” Daphne asks as she works on the lock.

“Because I’m hoping Mikey left a clue.” I tell her.

“I’m actually impressed that he managed to hide. Not that it changes that I want to kick his ass, but really, until now I thought he and the scarecrow had a lot in common.” She tells me.

“He has a brain. Only for years the only thought he’s had in it was his fantasy that Brian wanted his ass.” I tell her.

“Can you not say that, I’ve been having a hard time keeping anything down, and the idea of Michael and Brian together really isn’t helping.” She tells me as she gets the door open. “So why did you let me unlock the door? It’s not like you couldn’t.” She asks.

“Because you would have bitched if I told you to stay in the car. This way you’re really the one that broke while we entered.” I joke.

The house smelled like no one had cleaned it up after the fire, which was pretty much confined to the stove and counters. Apparently Deb hadn’t been here to take care of her baby. Michael’s computer was sitting in the living room, which, after booting it up and checking his history only told me that Michael was still intent on making Jenny’s college fund healthy. Daphne pushed the button on the answering machine and it had ten messages from Deb telling him to call her and then the voice I prayed I wouldn’t hear.

“Michael, call me. I have a better way then the idiotic plan you came up with.” 

“What the hell? I thought Lindsay and Michael hated each other.” Daphne tells me.

“They do, but when it comes to Brian, maybe it doesn’t matter.” I tell them.

“What do you think Michael had planned?” Daphne asks.

I didn’t answer because the front door was being unlocked. Daphne and I got up and went to the kitchen. We both went into the pantry, figuring no one was cooking since the kitchen was a mess. I looked through the crack in the door when someone walked in the kitchen.

“He’s not here.” Some older guy says on the phone. “Deb, I really only agreed to help because you were worried about Michael, but I can’t spend all day on this… I have patients who are waiting… I do care about Michael, but if he been talking about me like you said, why hasn’t he called? He’s always known my number… Yes, I know our problems were because of Brian… Deb, even if Brian no longer cares about Michael, it doesn’t mean he and I will pick up where we left off… I’m sure he told you I kicked him out, but it was more that he might have been in Portland with me but he spent all his time whining about what was happening in Pittsburgh and I got tired of hearing it, so I told him to go home if that’s where he wanted to be… Sorry but I have a child and didn’t plan on having to raise my partner like he was a child… I’m sorry, but what do I owe you? I offered Michael a life and he threw it away, not me, so I don’t see why you think I owe you or him anything.” He hung up as I could hear Deb still yelling at him.

“What the fuck am I even doing here?” He says, almost making me think he knew we were here.

The guy was about to leave when the front door opens again and the man of the hour was home.

“David? Why are you here?” Michael asks.

“Your mother called me. When she found out I was back, she told me what was going on with you. I’m sorry about your husband.” David tells Michael, not really sounding like he was that upset over it.

“It wasn’t like I expected him to be here for the rest of my life.” Michael tells him.

“Deb said you might need a friend. I know it’s not the same, but when my marriage ended, it still took a while for me to get over it.” He tells Michael. 

Daphne gave me the ‘what the fuck’ look. I hadn’t a clue why that would be something to compare to Ben’s death. Apparently Michael didn’t think so either.

“You fucking left your wife because you’re gay. Ben died, so it’s not the same. You’re still all about you.” Michael sneered.

“It’s just I understand and want to be there if you need a friend. From what Deb tells me, Brian isn’t being much of one.” He tells Michael.

“It’s not Brian, it’s the fucker he married. Brian was there for me, but the shit got jealous because Brian was finally seeing that he didn’t want the asshole.” Michael tells him.

“Why can’t you see that Brian isn’t going to be what you want. I could give you the life you always wanted.” David tells him.

“I don’t need or want you. Truthfully, you were fun, but only until I got what I wanted from Brian. Brian won’t need the whore now, since I can give him everything.” Michael tells him.

Daphne wrapped her arms around me, when I almost opened the door.

“You think he’s going to walk away from his husband and kids because you still believe he wants you? Do me a favor and tell your mother I don’t appreciate being lied to, and next time she should call someone else to look for you.” David tells him.

The front door slammed and Michael wandered around, playing his messages, deleting Deb’s as soon as he heard her voice. When Lindsay’s message came on he snorted, deleting hers too. 

“I don’t need you either.” Michael giggles before stomping up the stairs.

Daphne and I walked out but I couldn’t leave before figuring out what the hell Michael could be up to. His bag was sitting just outside the kitchen and I pulled it over and unzipped it. There was some paperwork on the top, and as I read it I wanted to march upstairs and toss his ass off the roof. I didn’t leave it behind, because that fucker was not going to get away with this. 

We were on our way to Mel’s before Daphne finally asked what it said.

“It’s a surrogacy agreement.” I tell her.

“He’s planning another kid?” She asks.

“According to this, yes, for him and Brian.” I tell her.

“WHAT? He thinks Brian would care that he went out and knocked up somebody? I mean Brian wanted you to be the father, but it doesn’t mean Brian would care if Michael had a kid.” She tells me.

“Brian would care if Michael knocked someone up with his sperm, which is what he apparently plans to do.” I tell her.

“Brian has control of it now, so it really wouldn’t be possible would it?” She tells me.

“Brian has control of what the clinic still had. We need to find out how many were there originally, and how many are missing. Which means we get to face our husbands.” I tell her, making her groan.

BRIAN

Emmett agreed to watch Cameron, while I argued with Gus about him staying. He wanted to know what Lindsay was doing. He even tried to tell me it was more likely she’d tell him before me. While I understood it was just Gus wanting to help, I didn’t want Gus to be there since I wasn’t likely to be able to control my temper. Right now I wasn’t happy with Mel either, for not calling and telling us about what she heard from Lindsay. 

“Dad, let me help.” Gus asks me, trailing down the stairs behind me.

I stopped and turned to him, knowing he needed to understand what was going on. He wasn’t a child, but what his mother might be involved in would hurt him. It’s something I never wanted, for Gus to lose a parent. There was a small part of me that didn’t want to believe she would do something like this, which was just me fooling myself, the way Mel tried to fool herself.

“Gus, if I promise to tell you when I get back, will you just stay here and watch over Cameron for me? I need to know your brother is safe and you're the one I trust to do that for me.” I tell him.

“Bullshit, Emmett and Drew are here and I know you trust them too.” He tells me.

“I do trust them, but not as much as I do you.” I tell him.

“That’s not fair, but if Mom… Whatever it is, I need to know.” He pleaded with me.

“I promise, let me handle this.” I tell him.

“It’s bad isn’t it?” He asks.

“I hope not. But yes, if I’m right, it is.” I tell him.

“Then tell her I’ll never speak to her again if she doesn’t tell you what you want to know. Tell her I’ll be worse than her parents are.” He tells me.

“Gus, you couldn’t ever be like those people. Which I want you to know makes me proud of the man you're becoming. You’re the man I wanted to be, and for me that means my past won’t repeat itself in you.” I tell him.

“Even if I was, I’d still be okay, because you are.” He tells me.

“Then stay here and make sure Cameron doesn’t get Drew to agree to a pony or whatever it is Cameron decides he wants today.” I joke, with Drew, who knew what Cameron could convince him to do.

The front door opened and Nick stepped out of the kitchen, glaring at Justin. Daphne trying to hide behind Justin wasn’t going to save her from Nick.

“Why is it when you and Justin get near each other, stupidity ensues?” Nick growled, yanking Daphne towards him.

“Come on, we’ve been good for years, and we didn’t get caught. I mean, I’m sure you’d rather not bail us out of jail, right?” Daphne tells him, looking to me to save her.

“I’m going to spank your ass. You’re pregnant. Are you getting that through your head? You’re carrying my world right here.” He tells her, putting his hand over her stomach.

“I can’t believe you're using that.” She pouts.

“What were you two doing?” I ask Justin.

“Trying to figure this shit out. We can debate who wants to do what all day, but it doesn’t get either of us anywhere. So I decided to find out where the hell Michael is.” Justin tells me.

“Did you find him?” Nick asks.

“He’s home, but only just got there. He was busy with this.” Justin tells us, handing me the papers he was holding.

I read through the papers, which I recognized since Justin and I did the same thing with Cameron. I didn’t get why Michael hiring a surrogate would be a big deal, until I read my name on the next page.

“Before we even get into what this says, how did you and Daphne get it?” I ask.

“Does that even matter, we got it? It’s not like I haven’t done this stuff before.” Justin tells me.

“It does if you stole it from him. It matters because you were supposed to stay away from him.” Nick tells him.

“I went in and got it. There’s nothing that says I couldn’t go near Michael.” Daphne tells him.

“Sweetheart, that doesn’t make it better.” Nick tells her through gritted teeth.

“We can argue about this later, what I need to know is how many samples did Lindsay have?” Justin asks me.

“How am I supposed to know? It’s not like when I handed them the cup they said, “Oh Mr Kinney there are this many samples. I donated a few times, so it was more than two.” I tell him sarcastically, pissed that he went over to Michael’s house.

“I assume the clinic would be able to tell you. So why don’t you call and find out how many, and how many are still there, because if Michael has control of any of those, then congratulations, the jackass got you another kid, only he thinks it will be his too.” Justin says, just as sarcastically.

“Or we can just go over and confront the bitch who is likely helping him.” Daphne tells me.

“If he already started this…” I didn’t know how to feel about it.

“We’ll deal with it and never let our child know we were anything but happy about having another baby.” Justin tells me.

“We still have things to deal with.” I tell him.

“We will, but we both wanted this eventually.” He tells me.

“It’s going to get messy with this.” I tell him holding out the paperwork.

“I have a feeling Michael is the one who’s going to regret it, not us.” He tells me.

LINDSAY

Mel was downstairs pacing around, but I had other plans. Michael really believes having Brian’s baby will change something. It doesn't, other than Brian supporting said baby, which is all I got from it. He still hasn't figured out his plan would only have Brian at my door, since I'm the one who had control over the samples. It’s not like I was really going to help him, I had my own plans, one that included an old friend. 

Sam had been calling, wanting me to see if Sydney would give him a show. Apparently his career had been flagging. Which didn’t surprise me since he tended to piss off everyone. Something he could do in the past when people were still kissing his ass. I agreed to ask if he agreed to help me out. I needed a way to keep Michael off my back, since I was supposed to be helping Mel and in turn helping Justin and Brian. I also had to make sure Michael’s plan didn’t bite me in the ass, so Sam agreed as long as the kid wasn’t going to end up being his problem. After talking to Sydney, I had to find another way to help Sam. Sydney wasn’t willing to host another show with Sam, since the buzz was that Sam wasn’t coming up with anything new. Sydney did ask if I knew if Justin would be willing to show, and said that he’d be willing to offer me my job back if Justin agreed. I told him I’d see, but if Justin agreed than he’d help Sam too. With Mel saying it was over, I needed to make sure I had a backup plan. I had hoped to use Lynette, but she laughed at the idea of using any of Sam’s work in her charity gala. If my parents hadn’t been so worried about Lynette, they would have seen the possibilities, by impressing Jen and Gus. Instead they needed to once again voice their disapproval of my life. 

Now Mel wasn’t willing to overlook things that benefited her as well as me. I planned to work it out with her, but all the things that worked in the past aren’t working anymore. It wasn’t like I planned for our marriage to be the same. It couldn’t if Justin’s career ratcheted up again. The biggest problem with my plan was that Justin is giving up things to stay with Brian. I read that they replaced Justin with a musician for the seminar in London. How could Justin not see his career would start to stall when he wasn’t out there? I knew it was time to give him a reason to see his that career was more important than a marriage that would constantly have problems, because Brian will never settle down. 

The doorbell rang as I was gathering my things, and before I could slip out the backdoor, Jenny was standing outside in the hall.

“Justin and Brian wanted to talk to you and Mama.” She tells me, before going to her room.

It wasn’t like I didn’t want a chance to work my way back in Justin’s good graces, but I had someone waiting for me. Only, when I tried to go out the backdoor, Brian was standing there waiting. He grabbed my arm and dragged me behind him, not saying anything. He was pissed, and I prayed it was because of Gus and my parents and not anything else that was going on. We got to the living room and he pointed to the sofa, glaring at me until I sat down.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, looking at Mel and Justin.

“Nothing, if you don’t think someone running around trying to find someone to hurt Justin is a problem.” Brian growled.

“Brian, let’s deal with the first thing.” Justin tells him.

“To me that is the more important thing.” He tells Justin.

“Why would someone want Justin hurt?” I ask.

“Lindsay, how many samples did Brian have originally?” Justin asked, ignoring my question.

“Four, like the first time. Not that we needed them, I got pregnant with Gus the first time.” I tell them.

“Were those samples destroyed?” Brian asks Mel.

“Yes, that’s why Lindsay asked again apparently. When we talked about having another baby after Jenny, Lindsay thought they were still there and planned to use them without telling you. I had to tell her that I got rid of them.” Mel tells him, not telling him the fight we got in over her doing that.

“So there were only four from the last time?” Brian asks.

Shit, I knew where this was going. “Maybe three, I might have been thinking about the first time.” I tried, but knew he saw through it. “What do you mean someone is trying to hurt Justin?” I ask, hoping to distract them.

“You know, it no longer surprises me that she can’t tell the truth, so I’ll do it for you. There were four.” Mel tells him.

“What’s the big deal?” I ask, since there were still three.

“We need to know where the fourth sample went.” Justin tells me.

“I… look I should have told you all that I tried to get pregnant, I was jealous that you and Justin were having a baby. It was wrong and the pregnancy didn’t take anyway, so it’s not like there is anything to be angry about.” I tell Brian.

“Nothing to be angry about? I told you no and you went out and tried anyway!” Brian said practically shouting.

“You knew I wanted another child and you had agreed. I planned for me and Mel to raise the baby, the way we wanted to raise Gus. I wasn’t going to make you be a father to the baby.” I tell him.

“Just support it like I did for Gus?” He asks, looking at me like he hated me.

“That was your choice, you could have said no when we asked.” I tell him, throwing the blame at him.

“Oh Brian, we don’t know what we’re going to do, Canada wasn’t the land of opportunity. We’re barely able to pay the heating bill or the rent.” Brian repeats one of the things I said in the past. 

“Brian, I’m sorry.” Mel says, looking down at the carpet.

“I didn’t care, as long as Gus was taken care of. What I do care about is Lindsay tried to have a baby after I told her no.” Brian tells us.

“If there are three and the clinic confirmed that before we got here, then who’s is Michael trying to use?” Justin asks him.

“What?” Mel asks.

“Michael made plans to have another kid, only it looked like he thinks that it will be Brian’s. Unless there’s a sample somewhere we don’t know about then where the hell is Michael getting it from?” Justin tells her.

“Lindsay?” Mel asks.

“How would I know, I haven’t talked to him since I pressed charges. I’ve done everything to help and now your treating me like I’m the enemy.” I protest.

“You haven’t talked to or tried to contact Michael?” Justin asks.

“Of course not, after what he did.” I tell him.

“Great. Then explain how your voice was on his answering machine. You know ‘Michael call me, I have a better way than the idiotic plan you came up with.’ That is word for word the message you left on his machine. What was the better plan?” Justin asks.

I sat there staring at him, before I realized he repeated the message I left on Michael’s machine. “Did he tell you that, if he did why would you trust him?” I dodged.

“Let’s just say I heard it.” Justin tells me.

“WHAT WAS YOUR PLAN??” Brian explodes.

“Nothing, other than convincing Justin to start working again. Until he agreed to stay here with you, Justin’s career was skyrocketing, now because of you he’s giving up everything. For what, to sit at home while you forget him? Do you realize how fucking selfish you are, and what you did caused for him? Instead of going out there and showing the world he still had it, he was stuck working at Kinnetik and raising kids. He was living a life most artists never achieve, but you made him give up everything, while you gave up nothing. You treated him like an afterthought, still running to save Mikey. Yet instead of doing what any sane person would do, and seeing that he would never be enough for you, he stayed, making sure you still had a company while you forgot everything. Now you’re back once again, likely promising him things will be different, but we all know the minute you’re well, off you’ll go, leaving him behind again! He deserves better than the shit he’s dealt with from the beginning with you!” I yelled at Brian.

“So you decided to make sure I wouldn’t want him anymore?” Brian asks, quietly.

“I don’t know what your talking about.” I tell him.

“I hope that’s true because if it isn’t, nothing will stop me from making you wish you’d left Justin alone.” Brian tells me.

I let the tears spill, looking to Mel for help. She looked straight in my eyes and flinched for some reason. The doorbell rang, and when Jenny ran past the room to answer it, I knew I needed to get out of here. 

“Mom, this guy says he needs to talk to you.” Jenny tells me, bringing Kip into the room. Fuck me.

“Lindsay, I want you out of the house.” Brian tells me. “Kip, do yourself a favor and make sure I don’t see you again.” 

“So this is what you prefer?” Kip says, looking at Justin.

“Were you desperate?” Justin asks, smirking when Brian grabs him. “Lindsay, run far and fast.” He warns me.

I grabbed my purse and walked out, taking Kip with me as he seemed to think if he stood there Brian would want him. We were in my car before I said anything.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask.

“Michael said he wanted insurance that you couldn’t make Brian think you were any better than he is. You know, this wasn’t as easy as either of you think. There are people on the street asking a lot of questions, and I’m not going to get my ass in hot water for either of you.” He tells me.

HUNTER

I stopped by to see Cameron, since I’d been busy with Jenny. Cameron was my buddy and I laughed when Emmett was yelling that Brian would kill them if they bought Cameron anything that sheds, as he opened the door.

“Hey Sweetie, how’s it going? Help me convince Drew not to let big blue eyes get us killed.” Emmett asked, pulling me in.

“Where are Brian and Justin?” I ask.

“Honey, there is so much I have to tell you. Thank God they won’t kick my ass, since they never mind that you know.” Emmett tells me.

After Emmett told me what was going on, I kissed Cameron on the head and left, heading to the diner to find Deb. If I talked to Michael, it was likely that I would end up in jail. She was standing at the counter glaring at Ryan. Ryan honestly didn’t care, as long as the other employees were happy.

“Ryan, can Deb and I use your office?” I asked, and then took Deb when he told me to go ahead.

“I’m working, and really, since when do you bother to remember me?” Deb asks me.

“Deb, now isn’t the time. You need to find out if Michael really did get a surrogate to have a kid.” I tell her.

“Why would he do that? We’re planning to get Jenny.” She asks.

“Because I guess he thinks that if he forces a kid on Brian, that Brian will walk away from the family he fucking wanted the minute he met Justin. Do you realize how fucking insane this would make Michael?” I ask her.

“Don’t talk about him like that.” She glares, pointing her finger in my face. “Michael had everything taken from him because that little shit had to have it all. I could care less if Brian kept him around, but to forget my Michael isn’t acceptable. If you’d bother to be the son he made you...” 

“What, the kid he barely remembers? How about I explain to you exactly what kind of person Justin really is. He’s the person who let me lean on him when you and your son acted like Ben’s death should barely affect me. He’s the one who made sure I could still go to college, and then made sure that I didn’t go without anything. He’s the only reason you still have a fucking job. Because even though you treated him like shit, he wouldn’t use it as a reason to put you out on the street. You see all those loyal employees out there, they are being offered the opportunities that working here normally wouldn’t give them. Unlike you, Justin isn’t expecting praise for what he’s doing, or making them feel like they owe him for it. So do me a favor and use his name, because he has never done anything to deserve the way you treat him for not kissing your son’s ass.” I tell her.

“So he’s the one buying everything?” She asks.

“Yes, and he honestly doesn’t care you know.” I tell her.

“Well I care, because he stole Michael’s store.” She tells me.

“Michael stopped paying the rent, which means no store.” Ryan tells her from the doorway.

“So you’re all on his side.” Deb says angry.

“No. Because I wanted to fire you. He wouldn’t let me unless I didn’t have a choice. Apparently he didn’t want to take away your income.” Ryan tells her.

“Why?” Deb asks, looking puzzled.

“He knows that even though you shit all over him and Brian, that in the end it would still hurt Brian if you ended up losing everything. Brian isn’t like you, he doesn’t just write people off. It’s why he was still helping you with Michael, even when he hurt himself and his marriage by doing what you wanted him to do. For once be the person he and Vic wished you were and make sure Michael isn’t doing something else trying to destroy Brian’s life. Do you really think Michael should be around an innocent baby?” I ask her, and even she can’t hide the doubt. “There’s something else, something that you could do to help show you aren’t as selfish as you say Brian and Justin are. Someone is out trying hire someone to, in essence, bash Justin. Keep an ear out and if you hear something, tell Ryan.” I tell her.

“You think Michael is responsible, don’t you?” She asks.

“At this point, there isn’t much I wouldn’t put past Michael. I’m just glad it wasn’t you.” I tell her.

“You think I would do something like that to anyone!” She says, outraged.

“I don’t put much past you if you thought it would get Michael what he wanted.” I tell her, leaving.

DEB

I waited until my shift was over to go and see Michael. David called me, angry that I lied about Michael wanting to see him. He didn’t understand that I was just hoping that Michael would realize that David was really who he needed. I know it ended badly, but at the time Michael still had Brian to go to, and Michael couldn’t see past that to see David would give him the life he dreamed about. I knew Michael looked down on the life I was able to provide for him, even if I did everything I could to give him everything. 

I tried for years to get Michael to see that Brian wouldn’t ever be the kind of man he needed, but like every other man on Liberty Avenue, Michael fell under the spell of Brian Kinney. It was like nothing Brian did bothered Michael. Brian could call anytime and Michael would drop what he was doing to show Brian that he would be there for him. Vic tried to tell him to stop and go out and find a life and figure out that Brian would only ever want friendship. Michael lost it with Vic, telling him Brian was only doing what he needed to so he could be what Michael needed. 

Ben, God rest his soul, tried to help, but like David, competed with Brian. One of the reasons I couldn’t like Justin was because after he showed up, Ben was no longer happy with Michael. I knew he didn’t plan to leave Michael, but Ben was no longer willing to sit back and watch the famous ‘Brian and Mikey show’. He started comparing his and Michael’s relationship to the one Brian had with Justin, and I could see he found Michael lacking. Ben went against us and would seek out Justin to talk to him, and I didn’t like the way his eyes lit up anytime he talked to Justin. Michael didn’t care because it gave him time with Brian. Only I could see that Brian was no longer focusing on Michael, but on Justin. It became harder when Brian threw our own decisions in our face. If Justin wasn’t welcome at our houses than unless it was a family event we weren’t welcome at theirs either. Michael showed up at my house extremely agitated when Brian got on to him for trying to find a way to get Justin to accept us as part of Brian’s life. I was ready to go and tell Brian that he needed to tell his boy that we weren’t the ones who had a problem, but Michael told me that Justin managed to twist what happened and make it sound like Michael was trying to break him and Brian up. For the first time, I doubted my son, but then looked at him and knew he deserved praise for trying to offer an olive branch to Justin. Ben shook his head when I told Michael he tried and that was more than Justin ever did with us.

I decided to walk to Michael’s, because even with everything Hunter said, it was hard for me to believe that my son would do any of the things Hunter told me. I got past one of the shops that I’d seen Justin go to when he came to town and saw Lindsay’s car. I wanted to talk to her after what she did, but stopped when I saw a man get out of her car, arguing with her. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I could tell Lindsay wasn’t happy with what she was hearing. I looked at the guy and he looked familiar but I couldn’t place him. All I knew was that Lindsay was more likely to do what Hunter was talking about than Michael. I hate saying it, but my son really wasn’t very good at making plans, but Lindsay was a devious bitch who manipulated people. She’d done it for years with Brian and Mel, then when Michael wanted rights to Jenny, she screwed him over using Ben and Hunter. It wasn’t like I didn’t know that Michael had no business raising a kid, but for her to let her shark of a lawyer make Michael sound like a deviant was one step too far, in my book. After she had Michael arrested, even though he did do what she told Carl, it was wrong when she was the one to taunt Michael. 

The guy got out of the car and started heading in the same direction I was. Lindsay was too busy taking out her frustration at whatever they were talking about on her steering wheel to see me walking by. She peeled out after I passed her, looking frantic. 

The guy kept walking, not seeing me, and I followed him. He stopped when he got to a group of street kids. I stopped when I got close enough to hear what he was saying.

“All I’m asking is that you make a little trouble for the guy if he comes around here. If he gets a little or a lot bruised, then I’ll give you a bonus.” The guy tells them.

“How much?” Max, Joseph’s brother asks.

“I can get you five hundred up front, but I need to talk to my partner about how much more he’s willing to pay you, for how much you do to the guy.” He tells Max.

“Dude, five isn’t going to help anyone if we get caught. So fuck off.” Another kid tells him.

“Let me talk to my partner and maybe we could up it to a grand.” He tells them, walking off.

I knew it wasn’t Michael, and wanted to call Brian and tell him exactly who it was, since Lindsay was still allowed around his circle. The guy got in a cab and I lost him, but knew it would eventually come to me who the guy was. Max looked at me, but instead of coming to me he tried to walk past me, as if he didn’t expect any help from me. It was the look I’d been getting from everyone lately. I wanted to remind them that I was once the person who everyone came to.

“Who was that guy?” I asked, stopping him.

“None of your business, since you probably agree with him.” He tells me, yanking his arm away and walking off.

“I want to help.” I yell.

“Who, your son or that guy, which is probably the same thing.” He yells, leaving me standing there.

“What?” I glared at the people looking at me like I was the one trying to pay someone to hurt Justin. 

The bus pulled up and at that point I didn’t want to deal with people looking at me like I should be ashamed of myself. I got off a block from Michael’s house, still upset that people were turning on me. When I got around the corner from Michael’s house, I couldn’t be seeing what I was. The guy was there, coming out of Michael’s house. It couldn’t be true, maybe he was threating my son.

“Look, a grand is more than those kids make in a month. They were just trying to get more, so stop letting them hustle you.” Michael tells him.

“This is getting stupid, all I wanted was a chance again with Brian. You told me we could convince him to leave that asshole, but from what I see, Brian wants him.” The guy tells him.

“Kip, what we are offering will give Brian everything he keeps the shit around for.” Michael tells him, and now I knew why the guy looked familiar. He was the one who tried to blackmail Brian in the past. Only, apparently he was after more than a job from Brian.

“Brian hasn’t even looked at other guys since he married the guy.” Kip tells him.

“Brian was only doing it because the asshole made him. With us, he’ll be able to go back to the life he really wants.” Michael tells him.

“At least they think Lindsay’s involved now. You were right that she’s not exactly brillant. She’s more worried about losing her hold over Brian through his kid.” Kip tells him.

“Yeah, it’s why I decided to go the kid route. Brian might pretend he likes the brat he had with the shit, but in the end he would love one that was his more.” Michael tells him.

“Did you do it?” Kip asks.

“Everything was being done when I left, once she confirms she’s pregnant, I’ll tell Brian we’re going to be parents. It would help if you could get your part done. How fucking hard is it to convince someone to put the shit in the hospital?” Michael tells him.

“They all act like I’m asking them to hurt a freaking martyr, what the hell did the guy do to make people want to protect him?” Kip asks.

“They are likely more worried about Brian than him. Look, it might be better to find someone who has a problem with gay men, they don’t need a reason to want to fuck with one of us. It’s likely they’d do it for free.” Michael says, like he doesn’t care that the kind of guys he talking about would likely kill Justin.

“Sorry, but I don’t plan to put my ass in danger no matter how much I want Brian. If you want that, you can go and hope they don’t use your ass for practice.” He tells Michael.

“Then don’t expect me to share Brian with you. You’re the one who came to me when Brian turned you down. I was only offering you a place in our life, so if you want out then fine, I can find someone who would at least interest Brian.” Michael tells him.

“He fucked me twice, which is two more times than you.” Kip threw in his face.

“What did you expect when you showed up naked? He ended up coming to Babylon, telling me that you were barely worth his time.” Michael laughs at Kip.

“Really, then what about you, what does that make you?” Kip tells him.

“Still supporting you, so remember that, and do what you promised me you could. If you don’t, I’ll dump you back in the shithole you were living in, since no one wants to employ a guy who lied about being harassed.” Michael tells him.

“I would have gotten away with it. Why didn’t you use that video you made of me and Brian talking in Babylon?” He asks.

“It was only to get you to back off. The last thing I wanted was for Brian to lose his job, I’ve had enough of living like I did with Ma.” Michael tells him.

“Then why not take that old guy up on his offer, it would be the same thing.” Kip tells him.

“David’s money can’t compete with everything I want from Brian. I could get you an introduction to David if you do what I ask.” Michael tells him.

“I want Brian, not some old guy. I wouldn’t be opposed to someone willing to set me up in style, but with Brian, people would see me as more than arm candy.” Kip tell him.

I didn’t want to hear anymore, because no matter how much I want to believe Michael isn’t involved, every word I hear makes it worse. It made everything I guilted Brian into doing that hurt his relationship with Justin even worse. Hunter was right, because even though I hear it come from Michael, I don’t want to believe it. I didn’t know how to protect Michael from himself.

BRIAN

When we got home I was tired again, and tried to argue that I wasn’t ready to fall on my face in bed. When Justin offered to take a nap with me, I stopped trying to pretend, only because I could see he was tired too. Gus has already put Cameron down for a nap and told me that he could wait until I was up to talk about anything. 

I went down and told Emmett and Drew to go home, if we needed anything Daphne and Nick were here. They both were ready for alone time, just like I was, even if it meant doing nothing but sleeping in the same bed with Justin. 

Justin checked on Cameron and Gus and then went to take a shower. When he laid down we turned and just looked at each other. Justin’s hair was getting longer than usual, it was such a nothing thought, but it relaxed me. Justin put his head on my chest as I closed my eyes, and I felt wetness on my chest. 

“I’m going to be okay.” I whispered.

“I know, but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t scaring the shit out of me.” He tells me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.

“You needed me to be stronger, but right now I don’t have to be.” He tells me.

“You’ve always been stronger, but it feels good to know that you trust me to take over when you need me to.” I tell him.

“I shouldn’t have taken off like that, but I knew we were just spinning our wheels unless we could find out what was going on.” He tells me.

“What made you do your first job?” I ask, distracting him.

“When I realized who the guy was, my only thought was that I didn’t need him being a reason for another show. I called Nick and told him who I thought it was, and he was able to confirmed it.” He tells me.

“They didn’t monitor your calls?” I ask, since he was willing to tell me.

“Why would they? It’s not like they would have connected Nick to me, and I called Daphne at the hospital, so if they did they would have thought I was talking to my girlfriend. Which I did most of the trip.” He tells me.

“I get why Nick isn’t worried about you, you don’t really just do something without thinking about it first.” I tell him.

“Just like I did when I agreed to move here and start a family with you.” He tells me.

“Nothing she said made me think otherwise.” I tell him.

“I know that in the past that it bothered you when she’d bring up opportunities that I passed on to stay here.” He tells me.

“Justin, if you wanted to do something, nothing stops you. If you passed up something, it’s because you wanted to.” I tell him.

“I’m glad you finally get that. I know there were times you blamed yourself when I didn’t accept offers, but as far as I’m concerned, Cameron and Gus are only young once. Being their father is more important to me.” He tells me.

“What if this baby isn’t mine?” I ask.

“We’ll worry about it when it happens, until then, we need to figure out if it is.” He tells me, falling asleep.

I woke up a couple hours later turning over and seeing him, and that made it easier to get up and face whatever we needed to, in order to end this and show him the marriage I promised him.

MEL

I sat frozen on Alex’s couch. I knew Lindsay constantly made selfish decisions, but while she was talking I thought about our life.

“Telling me what’s going on in your head helps.” Alex said, concerned.

“For a minute I almost fell for Lindsay’s tears. Only, it started me thinking about our past and seeing it differently.” I tell him.

“What were your thoughts?” He asked.

“For the most part, I ignored the things that were glaringly obvious. The way she would say little things to gauge how Brian or I reacted to them. Little digs, but they were constant, and instead of starting a fight, I blamed it on everyone but her. Only now, I’ve started to see our friendship with Justin differently. I was happy when Brian’s name was no longer brought up in every conversation, but now I see that even though Lindsay loved Brian more than a gay woman should, she loved the life Justin led more.” I tell him.

“What makes you think that?” He asks.

“I remember when Justin got in the crash. It was more me being scared to death he was gone. Now thinking back on it, Lindsay was more upset about the fact that when he came back, he told her he was doing a favor for the military, not working on his next show. She ranted about him wasting his time on things that did nothing for his career. I remember thinking it was strange, because if anything, people were hearing more about him than they had before. She was happy enough that he and Brian stayed together at first, until Justin wanted to be a father, not an artist. It’s strange, because when Brian and Justin were having problems, Lindsay and I were doing fine. When they were happy, she was practically cheering me on when I was bitching about Brian to Justin.” I tell him.

“She didn’t make you say the things you did, even though she might have found a way to get you to do it, you were still in control of what you said.” He tells me.

“I know, and for my words, I take full blame. It’s just, with what Brian told us today, I’m worried that Lindsay is involved in shit that will affect Gus. She can’t see past what she wants, to see that our son needs us to be better than we are. What happens to Gus if Lindsay is involved in something that hurts a man Gus sees as his father? Why can’t she see losing him would be worse than whatever she thinks her little plan will accomplish. I’m worried about what Michael’s doing too, because it will affect Jenny. Jenny knows he’ll never be the greatest father, but she deserves a father who at least wants her, for her.” I tell him.

Alex was beaming at me, and with everything else going on it felt good to see he thought something I was saying was right. 

“What?” I asked.

“When we started together, it was more about you and how you felt. I like that you’re changing your priorities to the kids, that’s all. I do agree that Jenny and Gus hearing bad things from you, about their fathers, wasn’t the right way to go. They need you to be there when it hurts and to help them through it, which you’re starting to see on your own. It’s something I like about you, you took what we talked about and applied it in hopes of helping your children.” He tells me.

I couldn’t believe a few words of praise turned on the waterworks, but it had been so long since I heard much. He handed me a tissue, sitting next to me and letting me lean on him.

“Mel, one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship is losing who you are to please your partner. It happens because we want to be loved and don’t realize love shouldn’t mean having to become someone you don’t even recognize. If you met Brian without Lindsay, what would the Mel before Lindsay have thought?” He asks.

“I’d have likely tried to drink him under the table and tried to out trick him. I would have… liked him.” I said, knowing it was true.

“Tell me in your words why you didn’t.” He tells me.

“I knew Lindsay loved him more, and how do I compete with a man? That was always in the back of my mind. I think he would have at least tried if I hadn’t pretty much reacted like a bitch when Lindsay introduced us. After that, I needed to keep him at a distance, because he was everything I missed about my life after settling down with Lindsay. I don’t regret it, because I have Gus and Jenny, but now I see I gave up too much.” I tell him.

“You chose to give it up. It’s something you need to see, everything happens because we make choices. If Lindsay does something that hurts Gus or Jenny, it’s her choice, and no longer your job to try to clean it up. If Michael ends up where he truly needs to be with this crazy idea of his, he made those choices and your job is making sure Jenny has someone to talk to, vent to, or anything else she needs to do.” He tells me.

“It scares me that Michael would use a baby, even if it’s not my business. What happens to the baby? I know if it ends up being Brian’s then Brian will do what it takes to protect him the way he protects everyone he loves, but what if it isn’t?” I tell him.

“Michael is trying to have Brian’s baby?” He asks, looking alarmed.

“He had papers drawn up that pretty much said the baby was Brian’s. Only, as far as I know the samples that Brian gave are all accounted for. I haven’t checked, but I’m sure the clinic can confirm when a sample was used and if Lindsay isn’t lying again it would have been years ago. Unless Brian donated and none of us knew, there really isn’t anyway it could be Brian’s.” I tell him.

“Brian knows all this?” He asks.

“It’s what he and Justin showed up at the house to find out. They somehow got a copy, or maybe the original of the surrogacy…”

“Don’t tell me anything else. My agreement in treating Justin means I have to report if he does anything illegal.” He tells me.

“Even if it’s me telling you?” I ask.

“I can only report things that pertain to Justin’s activities.” I tell her.

“Why are you reporting anything on Justin?” I ask.

“I really can’t tell you. Just do him a favor and don’t tell me anything that could get him in trouble.” He tells me, making me curious.

“I don’t think Brian is happy with me. I know we’ll never really be friends, but I thought we were at least getting to the point where we’re dealing with each other.” I tell him changing the subject.

“Why do you think there’s a problem?” 

“I overheard Lindsay talking on the phone and she brought up Michael. They shouldn’t even want anything to do with each other, so there isn’t any reason for Lindsay to be talking to him or about him. I didn’t tell Brian about it when I found out, and I could tell he wasn’t happy about it when he left the house. You want to know what really bothers me about it?” I ask. “He let me go on it, and I doubt he’ll ever say anything about it. Only I feel like I lost some of the trust he was starting to give me.”

“He’s never liked to find out things after he should have already known. In this case things are being thrown at him when he barely has the energy to deal with them. Help him by not hiding anything and you’ll regain what you lost.” He tells me.

“I don’t know what to believe, that’s why I didn’t tell him. I didn’t want to believe it.” I admitted.

“Mel, you don’t have to shield Lindsay. If she does something, make her face what she’s doing. It’s what we’ve been doing for you, and I can see it’s helping you.” He tells me.

“If she has anything to do with hurting Justin or helping Michael, there isn’t anything I would do for her.” I promise.

RYAN

Deb was barely able to maintain even a decent mood. The minute she walked in the door she was biting the heads off anyone who dared to smile. I really tried hard to find a redeeming quality about her, but there just wasn’t one. She could single handedly wait all the tables, but while doing it she insulted people or ignored what they ordered telling them they got what she brought. I really had to believe it was that she mixed up orders and didn’t want to admit to it. I finally had enough when she told someone to go somewhere else if they didn’t like the service here.

“Deb, my office.” I ordered her.

“These tables won’t wait themselves, so later.” She snaps.

Kiki took over, turning Deb and marching her to my office. “Do what he says.” Kiki said when she shoved Deb in the chair in front of my desk.

“Look, I’m just having a bad day and there’s a lot on my mind. I’ll do better.” She tells me, for the first time actually worried about her job.

“Talk to me, because I need a reason not to fire you.” I tell her.

“I don’t know what I did so wrong.” She tells me.

“Today or the whole time we’ve worked together?” I ask, since I could probably spend hours on it.

“It’s not about work. It’s just if I say anything then I have to admit I’ve been completely deluded about my son. Maybe she talked him into it.” She tells me.

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.” I tell her.

“Michael might be…”

“You don’t believe he might, otherwise you’d be defending him.” I tell her.

“I heard him talking to a guy, who is the one trying to hire someone to do something to Justin. It sounded like Michael was willing to pay for it.” She says, only I can tell she was trying to believe Michael was innocent.

“Deb, if Michael is paying the money then he’s involved up to his eyeballs. You understand that what he’s doing will put him in prison. All it takes is hiring the wrong person and you go from battery to murder. If we can stop him now, he’s has a better chance in court.” I tell her, wanting to get through to her.

“He doesn’t understand what he’d doing. This isn’t the sweet boy I raised.” She tells me.

“Deb, I don’t think he’s been the boy you raised for a long time. Just what I already know tells me that Michael’s obsession with Brian went beyond the normal unrequited crush.” I tell her.

“Is that what he… Justin told you?” She asks, glaring.

“No, Justin never said a word about him. That’s what everyone that knows you and him told me. A lot of the employees have a problem with your son. One of the things you need to get through your head is that everyone else isn’t as blind as you are about your son. It should tell you something that a lot of the people on Liberty Avenue barely have a good thing to say about him. He isn’t sweet or misunderstood. You can’t see it because you don’t want to. It’s hard on any parent to figure out there’s something wrong with their child, so you aren’t the only one. It’s just, even with the facts you seem to have, you’re still trying to explain it away.” I tell her.

“I need to talk to Carl, but I don’t know if he would talk to me.” She tells me.

“If you need me to I can go with you.” I tell her.

“Why?” She asks, as if she didn’t expect it.

“Because you need a friend and I’m offering to be that.” I tell her, because this was going to devastate her. 

“I don’t understand why.” She tells me.

“Even helping Justin and Brian now, it’s not going to change the past, you do understand that, don’t you? You’ve burned them too many times for them to welcome you with open arms, but maybe it’s time you get a life that you can be happy with. We can start again, with an empty slate.” I tell her.

“How do you do that?” She asks, making me wonder what made her the way she is.

“I believe if you want to be better, you can. Only you have to want it. It’s why we offered so many ways for people to improve their lives. I worried most about you, because somehow your life became about making your son happy, and damn anyone else. Only I can see it bothers you that someone could get hurt, even if you don’t like Justin.” I tell her.

JUSTIN

I woke up later than usual to find Gus and Brian destroying the kitchen, but making Cameron laugh. It felt normal. Daphne was still pouting, but I could tell she just wanted Nick to pay attention to her.

I went to answer the door, and almost slammed it in Carl and Deb’s faces. Ryan managed to stop me.

“Justin, give her a chance to explain.” He tells me.

“Not in my house. I’ll meet you in the back.” I tell them, refusing to let her in.

“I understand, and hope what I tell you helps.” She says, looking at the ground.

“Then understand this, if anything you say blames me or Brian, then I won’t listen. Before you go with them to the backyard you and I need to talk.” I tell her.

Ryan stood there for a second but eventually followed Carl. I knew he could be a softy, but for Deb, it bothered me.

“I know I’ve never given you a reason to like or trust me, but for once I’m not here to blame you or Brian. I don’t want to be here, because then I have to face the mess I created by believing Michael and finding ways to excuse his behavior.” She tells me, but for me it really was too late.

“I never cared about you liking me or approving of me. As long as Brian wanted me, that’s really all I cared about. Only you and your son didn’t want him to be happy. Because then who would be there to clean up Michael’s mess? I know you didn’t want Brian to give Michael what he wanted, but you expected him to live his life serving you and your son. Which he did, regardless of what it did to him or us. That is what I can’t forgive, having my life get fucked over because you guilted Brian constantly. You took what his parents did to a new level of abuse, and because of Brian’s fears of being left, he gave in to you. So regardless of what you say, I don’t want you around me or my family, because he still loves you, and he’s still able to be hurt by you.” I tell her.

“Why didn’t you let Ryan fire me?” She ask, which threw me.

“I didn’t buy the diner with an agenda, but because it was one of the places that Brian could talk about and smile.” I tell her.

“You really love him don’t you?” She asks.

“I’m still here because I know he loves me, he just got lost for a while.’ I tell her.

“No one ever loved me enough to stay.” She tells me.

“Vic did, he just couldn’t stand by you anymore.” Brian tells her.

Deb nodded then turned and went to the back of the house. I turned, letting the past make me wary of Brian’s reaction to what I said to her.

“I agree, we can’t let her be in our lives.” He tells me.

“Thank you.” 

Brian decided not to come outside, saying he really wasn’t ready to talk to her. It made me realize that he knew I would handle whatever she had to say. Nick came with me, and listened to what she had to say. I really didn’t know what to think, Michael, willing to share Brian? I was more concerned about the baby, because until Michael made a move, it was just Deb’s word against Michael’s, and Michael would lie through his teeth, not caring about Deb. Deb left with Ryan as soon as she was done, not asking to see Brian.

“Lindsay probably knows more than she’s telling you.” Carl told me.

“She won’t tell anyone unless she’s cornered.” Nick tells us.

“What does she get out of this? Brian’s done as far as she’s concerned. I can’t figure it out.” I tell them.

“She wants you.” Brian tells me.

“What?” I ask, not getting it.

“You had the life she dreamed of, when you first met she was being invited to anything you were invited to, because people knew you and she were friends. When you stopped, where did that leave her?” Brian tells me.

“Back in the life she had before we met. Even if I started showing again, I wouldn’t be inviting her.” I tell him.

“Lindsay wants to believe you would.” Nick tells me.

“I only invited her because Gus wanted to come.” I tell him.

“Lindsay’s a lot like Deb and Michael, she see things the way she wants to see them. It doesn’t matter what the truth is. Michael took things I said and changed them to mean that one day it would be him. I’m not blaming myself, only telling you what I can see now. I said things like ‘we’d be two old queens together in Palm Springs’, my meaning was that we’d still be friends. How Michael took it was that I saw us in a relationship one day. It’s like Lindsay when she wanted Gus, she saw it as me showing her that if I wasn’t gay, then I’d want her. Only, the reality ruined her fantasy when I didn’t do more than support Gus. Then she met you and there was another fantasy she’d have the chance at through you. She still believes it, because I did what she knew I would do and left you to deal with things while I put Michael first. Think about the way she tried to get you to believe you shared the same kind of problems in your marriages.” He tells me.

“Why help Michael, since she knows that would have me slamming the door in her face?” I ask.

“Michael worked in the past, and recently, anytime we had problems.” He tells me.

“Now that we know most of it, how do we deal with it?” Nick asks.

“I give them a victim.” I tell him.

“Justin.” Brian growled.

“I won’t be alone, but you can’t be there. You remember Daphne’s promise?” I ask Nick.

“Great, they're going to rib me over getting the easy assignment.” Nick jokes.

“You call this easy?” Brian asks.

“I doubt we’ll be running from bullets this time, but then, if Michael had a gun he’d shoot himself. I have to admit he tried, but really, he brought in too many players. Kip will probably wet his pants telling us everything.” I tell him.

“Only if someone makes him.” Brian tells me.

“I think we can arrange that.” Nick tells him, smiling.

“Good God, not Al. Anyone but him. Gus doesn’t need him when he’s still confused.” I joke, but really, Al and Brian tend to turn anyone’s head.

“Al?” Brian asks, sounding jealous.

“Not anything you have to worry about.” I tell him.

“Not a friend/trick?” Brian asks.

“Brian he’s only twenty-one, which would have put him at seventeen when we met.” I tell him.

“I would have gone after you even then.” He tells me.

“I would have probably let you.” I tell him, flirting back.

“Guys, we have work to do.” Nick tells me.

“Yeah, well I think Brian needs a nap first.” I tell him, dragging Brian with me.

BRIAN

The guys didn’t come all at once, but slowly showed up. Nick arranged for them to meet at Mel’s house because Michael and Lindsay hadn’t been there in days. Al arrived last, and there were only five of them. Nick felt it was better to keep them where no one would really notice they were. Hunter confirmed it when he told us that other than Lindsay’s parents, no one really showed up at the house. I didn’t really ever think about it, but Mel really didn’t have any friends other than Ted and Justin, and lately she didn’t have either of them either.

Al was something, what, I couldn’t tell you. My height, more bulk, but still a swimmers body. His hair was back in a bun, which didn’t really fit in with my picture of a Navy Seal. Gus kept staring, and apparently Al didn’t mind. Al didn’t do anything that would make me want to kill him, so I left it alone. At one time, I would have found it hard not to want him, but since meeting Justin, all men paled in comparison.

Mel asked if we could talk alone, after Nick started explain what was going on. Only, I was studying Justin, I’d never seen him like this. He was serious most of the time, but this was different. He sat listening to them, but I could see his mind working, trying to figure out what would work and what wouldn’t. Al, who had been pacing while they were talking, looked at me and came over.

“I didn’t get it either, the way they listen to him. I mean, he’s pretty much a civilian, but he sees things and knows if something won’t work.” He tells me.

“He’s always been like that.” I tell him.

“Yeah, but all I saw was a guy who didn’t fit with my team. I was the new guy at the time, and didn’t get what the big deal was, the guy took pictures, we took the risks. It wasn’t easy to admit that what he did was harder, because he did it without a team backing him up. So I respect him. I just wanted you to know.” He tells me, winking at Mel when she looked lost at what he was talking about.

“She’s die hard on the other team.” I tell him.

“Still doesn’t mean I don’t respect that she has it, or him for that matter.” He says, looking at Gus, ignoring my scowl. “I’m not hitting on either of them, just saying what I see.” He tells me, smirking at me.

“Gus is confused right now.” I tell him.

“Aren’t we all? But eventually it works itself out, or in my case, just offers more opportunities in life.” He tells me.

“Aren’t you supposed to be planning with Super Seals right now?” I ask.

“Dude, they have The Brain, I figured I’d piss off The Brian.” He laughs.

I left him there, dragging Mel behind me before Al said anything else to see if he could piss me off. Nick had always been easy going, and apparently they were all like that.

“What did you want?” I ask her.

“To help if I can, but I don’t understand what’s going on. I know the facts, but I don’t get the way they act like Justin is like them. Alex even acted weird, and told me not to tell him anything that could get Justin in trouble.” She tells me.

“I don’t know what I can tell you. What I know, wasn’t something I could tell people. Not because I don’t trust you, but it’s just the way it is and what I have to do to be with him.” I tell her.

“Brian, he plans to parade himself around Liberty Avenue. With what Deb told you, don’t you think that’s crazy?” She asks.

“Yes, but I also know he wouldn’t do it if he didn’t think he could. You see those six guys in there? They would die to keep him safe, and I have to trust that right now, because I’m barely standing most days. It’s killing me that my life is the cause of all this.” I tell her, which surprised me because she was the last person I would want to let hear any weakness in me.

“I know you hate me, and I deserve it for never giving you a chance. I just want to try to find a some way that we can at least deal with each other, for Gus. I’m worried about how he’s going to deal with all this. He loves Lindsay, even with all the shit that’s coming out.” She tells me.

“Who are you more worried about, Lindsay or Gus? Take it any way you want, but I need to know if you’ve got your head out of Lindsay’s ass or not.” I tell her.

“Gus. I can’t let what I felt for Lindsay mean anything, because Jenny and Gus mean more to me. I don’t know what to do, Jenny is going to find out what her father is like, and while I know she doesn’t have any illusions about him, he’s still her father, just like Lindsay is still Gus’s mother. Gus is starting to get over being pissed at me, and I don’t want him to feel like he can’t come to me because of the way I was before.” She tells me.

“We both let him down. But I figured out that he’s like me, so we have to prove to him that we won’t do it again. After this is over, I know Justin will try to help with that, because he doesn’t see you as a lost cause.” I tell her.

“I should have told you what I heard, it’s just hard when I realize everything I wanted to believe about her was wrong.” She tells me.

“You and Deb have that in common. Maybe you two need to talk to each other, she’s going to need friends, and Jenny.” I tell her.

“Do you really care what happens to Deb, after everything that’s happened?” She asks.

“I can’t be around her, but it doesn’t mean I want her alone the way she’s going to be. She’s lived for Michael, and without him, she ends up with no one. Emmett and Ted are like me, we’ve reached the end with her. She starting to open her eyes and see that the way she raised Michael wasn’t doing him any favors. She’s going to need a family, which Jenny and Hunter are.” I tell her.

“I used to believe Justin brought out the best in you, but it was always there, you just hid it under the asshole.” She tells me.

“The same way you hid it under the bitch.” I tell her, leaving her to think about it.

GUS

It felt nice that my dads let me come and hear what was going on. But watching them listen to Jus as if he did this stuff all the time was confusing. What did a photographer do for the military? I tried to keep my eyes on Jus, but well, the guy who was wandering around the room was hard not to look at. For the first time, my attention focused on one person. It’s what confused me the most, I could look at Luke, but then I’d be studying a girl walking by at the same time. It’s why I didn’t try to have a relationship with anyone, because no one made me stop looking around. Only, Al did. And for the first time I didn’t care if the sex was special, only that I had it. I got up and ran out of the room, because the things my dad did didn’t sound so bad anymore. I ran past my dad when he came back, acting like I didn’t hear him call me.

I ran to the tree house and climbed up there, just needing a minute alone. I used to think the way my dad and Jus were was an anomaly. Since other than Emmett and Drew, none of the other couples around me acted like they wanted to rip each others clothes off all the time. Mom and Mama barely looked at each other most days, and I could see the distance when Ben and Michael were around. It just made sense in my head at the time.

I almost screamed when Al climbed through the window. I didn’t even hear him coming up here.

“You okay?” He asks, sitting against the opposite wall.

“Someone’s trying to hurt Jus, and my mother is likely involved. No, I’m not okay.” I tell him, trying to pull off my dad’s sarcasm, but failing, since the guy made me nervous. 

“Got to say, you’re doing well holding it together.” He tells me.

“It’s my mom, even if she’s doing this, she’s still my mom. I don’t want to hate her, but right now I can’t stop it.” I tell him, thinking Dr Turner and I are going to have a lot to talk about.

“You don’t feel like you can talk to your dad or your other mom?” He asks.

“I can, and they would listen, but they’re dealing with this too. I’m tired of hating someone and loving them too. Why can’t she see what’s she’s doing to us?” I tell him, trying to figure out why I’m telling him anything.

“I wish I could tell you. My life was pretty great, so I don’t have any real advice other than sometimes people disappoint you.” He tells me.

“It’s just… I’m having a hard enough time with my issues, but I want to find a way to help them too.” I tell him.

“Issues?” He asks.

“Yes. And your now one of them.” I blurt out.

“What did I do?” He asks, smiling, and really, did he have to have dimples?

“Nothing. But look at you. I mean I’m not sure, but well you’re…” I didn’t know how to explain that he made the confusion lift.

“Odd, funny, charming, and maybe mouth watering, are some of my favorites.” He really thinks joking is helping.

“Why odd?” I ask.

“Because to me it doesn’t matter whether it’s a girl or a guy, just that they interest me.” He tells me.

“Your bi too?” I ask.

“Bi, Tri, whatever. If I like you, I do.” He tells me.

“How could you like me, when this is the first time we’ve met?” I ask.

“I didn’t say that I did. And right now isn’t the time for me to figure it out. Only, your dad thought maybe we should talk to each other. Not that I don’t find you interesting. It’s just that I know what it’s like when you’re trying to figure yourself out.” He tells me.

“I know, but it worries me because of seeing the way my mother acts. She married a woman, but still wanted other people. My therapist and I talked about it, and while I know in my head that it doesn’t mean I’ll be like either of my parents, I get why both did the things they did. I mean, I made out with my friend, and still wanted to flirt with other people.” I tell him.

“Then he wasn’t the person for you. When you find them, you’ll be like Justin, willing to do what it takes to be with them.” He tells me.

“You think I’m like Jus?” I ask.

“I wouldn’t know. I’m just saying, when Justin decided to be with your dad, he walked away from anything that could take him away from your dad. It’s what I hope for when I do fall in love with someone, that nothing else matters but them.” He tells me.

“Can I do something, and than I need to deal with my family.” I tell him.

“Sure, then I’ll get back to why I’m really supposed to be here.” He tells me.

He didn’t even react when I crawled up to him. When I moved in to kiss him, he opened and let me do what I wanted. When I pulled back, he wrapped his hand around my neck and pulled me back until I was on his lap, forgetting there were things we both needed to do. Only, when I started trying to take off his shirt, he stopped me and pulled his head back.

“Trust me, I’d love to, but it should be something we do because we’re thinking with our big head. Even though my little head is ready to kick my ass.” He tells me.

I leaned in one more time, just because I needed to feel it again. “You made me stop.” I tell him, getting up and going down to the ground. I smirked the way my dad does when I heard him saying ‘damn’ over and over, only sounding like he’d been hit by a truck.

My dad was standing outside waiting for me. “I’m good.” I tell him.

“Was he?” He smirks.

“DAD!” I yelled, embarrassed, while he laughed. 

“Just be careful.” He tells me, meaning more than one thing.

“Can we go see if I can help?” I ask him.

“Gus, I don’t want you to have to deal with her.” He tells me.

“I’m the only one she tells the truth to; it’s like she thinks I’ll protect her.” I tell him.

He knew it, but my dad is a protector as much as Nick is, and me getting hurt isn’t something he could deal with. 

“I need to know the truth, even if I don’t want to.” I tell him.

“Gus, it isn’t just her, it’s Michael too. She wouldn’t want you hurt, but she really doesn’t seem to get that Michael sees you as one of the reasons we aren’t together.” He tells me.

“What’s going on?” Jus asks, coming out.

“He wants to talk to Lindsay.” Dad tells him.

“No. I know you want to help, but we can handle it.” Jus tells me.

“You can make it safe.” I tell Nick, who came out.

“You really think I’m going to get my ass kicked? No way kid.” Nick tells me.

“I listened, and none of you know what she’s really doing. If Michael falls for what you guys planned, he’s going to try to blame her. What if she doesn’t really know what Michael was really doing? I could get her to tell me if the baby is Dad’s, because she will tell me.” I tell them.

“We could make it safe for him.” Al tells them, making him way too perfect.

“How?” Dad asked, willing to listen.

“She’s going to have to get her things. Gus being here wouldn’t be a surprise to her. I don’t like it, but he’s right. We need to know who this baby belongs to.” Jus says, but I could tell he didn’t like it.

“I could hang out downstairs with Hunter, like we were friends from college.” Al tells them.

“What about Mel?” Dad asks Nick, but Mom never tells Mama the truth.

“She isn’t going to talk to Mama.” I tell him.

“She’d talk to Justin.” He says, not liking it either.

“KISS is always the best way to find out what you need to know.” Al tells him. Yes, I blushed.

“I just don’t find it simple to put Gus in the middle of any of this.” Jus tells him.

“He’s just going to be here and talk to her.” Al tells him.

“Gus, you don’t have to do this, we’ll figure it out.” Dad tells me.

“We need to know. I, need to know.” I tell him.

“Fuck. I don’t like it, but you keep him safe or I won’t be responsible for what I do.” Dad tells Al.

“What is Gus doing?” Mama asks, adding to the crowd in the backyard.

Everyone but Mama and Dad left the area, because for the first time they both agreed this was crazy. Jus smiled at them yelling.

“They both love you, you know.” He tells me.

“And?” I ask, as they start talking about another way to get my mom to tell them the truth. Which included Mama kicking her ass, Dad shipping her off to Siberia, and a few things I’d ask about later. But it showed me how much they really loved me. 

“Later they’ll fight about Jenny, and that we want to be there for her too.” He tells me.

“You think they’ll be friends?” I ask.

“Not that they’ll ever admit it.” He tells me.

“What your planning, promise me that it will be okay.” I tell him, because I need that from him.

“I promise to do what I can to always be okay. Sometimes things happen, but I’m not alone. I won’t lie to you.” He tells me, but he wasn’t worried, so I let that be enough.

MICHAEL

I couldn’t believe the way people treated him, as if they gave a shit he ever moved here. I stayed back, watching him walk around with that asshole Nick, like he had the right to be here, on my turf. At one time these people knew if they wanted Brian to grace their presence, they treated me and Ma right. Only, when I came around the last few days, spending money and attempting to show them I was better than him, they would just hand me my change and act like I needed to leave. 

Lindsay went into hiding, refusing to answer my calls. It doesn’t matter though, because I made sure Brian saw her with Kip. I couldn’t believe when Lindsay brought him into this, the guy is a total loser and only useful because he believes anything if he thinks it will get him what he wants.

It’s not like I didn’t know that nothing going on stays a secret on the Avenue, so I made sure nothing connected to me. Even the money I’d been spending couldn’t really be linked to anything, because I was spending a lot, even had receipts to show for most of it. Anything else, I could excuse like any other person. Who remembers every dime they spend on frivolous things? The money Brian gave me in the past wasn’t all wasted on parties. I saved some, because I knew eventually the fucker would convince Brian to come back to him, and he would tell Brian it was him or me. Brian would choose him because the asshole made Gus think he gave a shit about him. I should have tried harder with Gus, but it would have meant taking my time away from Brian.

When they went into the diner I wanted to march in there and demand he tell me who the fuck he thought he was, invading a place that belongs to me and Brian. It was where MY friends were allowed, not him. Only the new manager pissed me off, because I wasn’t allowed to tell people to get out of the booth that had been mine since the first time Ma took me there. I didn’t like the way Ryan got everyone on his side, no longer listening to Ma. Not that I wanted to bother with Ma, since she kept trying to side track me from what I wanted. I couldn’t believe she gave David the key to my place, and made him think I even thought about that boring chapter of my life. Although it felt good to know he still wanted me, and I’ll admit he was good in the sack, but I let him take me away from Brian. I thought it would have Brian coming after me, finally admitting what I already knew. Only Brian didn’t even call, and he barely took my calls. I almost thought I’d been wrong, but I realized that Brian knew David wouldn’t change us. Only, when I came back Brian acted as if he didn’t notice I was gone, and seemed more concerned about everyone else but us. 

It’s why I started seeing Ben, to get him to worry about losing me. Ben was all the things I would tell Brian I wanted, from Brian. When Ben wanted to get married I did it because Brian still wasn’t ready. Then HE came along, and everything changed. Brian was constantly trying to see him, no longer talking about his tricks, and acting pissed when I would bring them up. The shit didn’t see it annoyed Brian, but I did. I didn’t like the changes that Brian was making, not for me, but for him. I still knew how to get Brian to do what I wanted, and it worked, until the night he tore my heart out by saying he wanted to marry the asshole. I’d backed off when Ben issued his ultimatum, seeing that Brian was still denying what we were to himself. I tried to be happy with Ben, but I just didn’t have room for both him and Brian in my heart. At first I missed Ben when he died, he ran everything, while I could do what I wanted. It wasn’t what Ma wanted to believe, but I did miss him, for taking care of things that took my time from Brian. I could even thank Ben for doing what I asked and putting Brian in charge, because Brian was back in my life, focusing on me.

It was close enough to everything I wanted, Brian staying with me, occasionally working, doing his duty and showing up to make the shit happy. I thought I could deal with it, because I had time to show Brian what we could have, but HE kept trying to pull him back. The birthdays were the worst. I had to find a way to stop him, and that was where Ma came in. When he would leave, I’d call her, crying and saying I couldn’t deal with life anymore. Brian would turn around and forget everything but me. It was perfect, but made me hate the shit, because Brian started talking about me needing to spend time in a clinic. I wasn’t unstable, just trying to ensure Brian stopped letting them get in our way.

Strangely, I feel weird about Jenny, not really sure why. Maybe it’s because I might have given Mel and Lindsay shit when it came to Jenny, but in the end I only agreed to father a kid because it would link me to Brian. Our children were raised together, and to me that should have made him see our lives were merging towards each other. Jenny made Ben happy, so maybe that’s why it bothers me a little, I owe her for making sure Ben didn’t leave me. Yeah, that’s what it is.

I left the diner since Carl had it out for me. Realizing that Brian was for once alone.

GUS

Dad called Dr Turner and said that unless she agreed, it didn’t matter to him what I wanted. Which gave me a chance to tell her about what happened last night.

“Gus, you do understand that even if your mom isn’t as guilty, she’s still somewhat involved?” She tells me.

“I do. But I also know what Michael is like, and while my mother might be booksmart, she isn’t very people smart.” I tell her.

“What do you mean by that?” She asks.

“She doesn’t always see things that are pretty obvious. She still tries to impress her parents. But I knew just by talking to them the night she had dinner, all they care about is her sister. Nana said sometimes people do that, choose one kid to focus on while leaving the other one in the cold. Only Mom doesn’t see it. It’s like her letting Michael get away with hitting her. She didn’t figure out that my dad wouldn’t run to someone who let someone get away with that.” I tell her.

“Your dad says you really believe she’d tell you the truth, why do you think that?” She asks.

“Growing up, it’s what she did, she told me. It wasn’t like I judged her, or even told anyone the things she told me. I really didn’t get that the things she said were odd (making me smile just saying odd), since it seemed normal that she told me anything when she knew she was going to get in trouble with Dad or Mama. I know Jus and Dad don’t want me in the middle of this, but if she gave Michael a way to have Dad’s baby, I need to know, because that baby would be my brother or sister. I’ve already seen what Jenny’s life was like, and I won’t let a baby suffer when we can stop it. Mama agreed that if Mom and Michael did this, it was a form of kidnapping, but not illegal, and my dad wouldn’t have any responsibility to the baby even if it was his. Only that wouldn’t change that my dads wouldn’t let Michael near a baby. It does worry me what would happen if it’s not my dad’s baby, then where does it leave the baby?” I ask.

“Not something for you to worry about, remember? What do you hope to accomplish by talking to your mom?” She asks.

“I need closure, even knowing she’s capable of what they think, I need to for her to admit it. I need to know that I’m right, that she can only be a superficial part of my life. I’m always going to love her because in her own way she loves me, and by doing this she’s no longer going to think I’ll protect her from herself.” I tell her.

“Okay, but if at any point you can’t handle it, you leave.” She tells me.

“You’re going to tell my dad you agree?” I ask.

“I don’t really, but you’ve thought it through and would likely find a way to do it anyway. Anything else you want to talk about?” She asks.

“No, not today, but next time. I think he deserves a place of his own in my conversations with you.” I tell her smiling.

“Let me know, it sounds like something I’d like to talk about with you.” She tells me.

AL

I stood at the bar with Justin, who was bored but trying not to show it. Kip kept watching Justin all night, and didn’t like that guys were eyeing him. Justin as usual, paid attention, even if nobody else did. He saw the envy Kip eyes showed tonight, not just that Brian wanted Justin, but that men looked and would drop to their knees for Justin. It's something Justin really doesn’t see about himself, but Brian sure as hell does. Which was obvious when he pulled Nick and Mark aside and told them to keep assholes from touching him. Apparently I went up in his eyes, likely because I kept my zipper in place last night, which is the only reason I'm still dealing with a hard on.

I like dancing, and when Justin and I did, he showed me he could move, but I also like my partners interested. Emmett was fun, and a sandwich between him and Drew was fantasy worthy, just not likely or wanted, shit. There must be something about Kinney genes, because I thought more than I should have about what didn’t happen. I don’t even know him, but he left an impression no one else had. I stopped him, well he managed to stop me too. Damn it.

I walked into the backroom, never really a big turn on for me. I could deal with it, but tricking was only something I did when I couldn’t spare the time for more. Granted my relationships weren’t long, but they were relationships while they lasted. Time to get my head in the game, damn it. Thinking about Gus isn’t helping.

My target was on his knees, offering his mouth to anyone, which I gotta say wasn’t really helping me pretend I wanted him. Nick told me no one expected me to take one for the team, so it was more just get him to follow me. Thank God. He spotted me and zeroed in when I showed interest, too bad not the kind he thinks. Looking at him, I had to wonder if it was just availability for Brian, since he wasn’t even on the scale of half the men here.

“He's a waste of time, for any man.” He tells me, pretty much admitting he'd been watching Justin.

“He's only interested in what he has, which works since that's all his partner wants.” I tell him, because I liked seeing him flinch. “If you want to waste time talking about him, I'll look for someone who knows how I'd rather use their mouth.”

“I was wasting time anyway, none of these guys are worth my time. Lead on.” He tells me, hooking his arm to me, which just made an acid bath sound like a great idea. 

The whole ride to the hotel that we’d arranged to interrogate him at, I let my mind wander to Gus, since nothing else was keeping things from deflating. This was the one thing Nick tried to argue with Brian about, him being there. Brian was proving to be just as stubborn as his husband and wanted to see how we would get Kippy to tell us what we wanted to know.

We’d been monitoring Michael the whole day and knew he’d been following Justin all day, but when he disappeared we moved Brian and the family to the hotel. Justin’s house was secure, but why make it easy for the jackass. Rick was stationed at the house, acting like a gardner, and told us Michael drove by a dozen times, but didn’t stop. Although I wouldn’t either if I saw a guy who was built like tank, mowing the lawn.

Kip was really starting to get on my nerves, running his hands over me. But I figured I’d get my turn at fun, watching him wet his pants at what was waiting behind the door. Nick fools people because he seems so laid back, but that’s until you meet the SEAL. Something he leaves behind when he’s not working. At first Kip looked confused at three guys sitting around the suite, but smiled like the more the merrier, especially when he spotted Brian dressed to kill.

“I guess he was right, you aren’t really turning over a new leaf.” Kip tells him, walking over to Brian as if Brian was waiting for him.

When he tried to touch Brian, Nick and Mark got up, grabbed him and put him in the chair across from us.

“What’s going on?” He asks. Which made me realize the guy wasn’t the brightest tool in the box.

“What’s going on, good question. Something I’ve been asking myself since I saw you. Why not be a good boy and tell me?” Brian asks, tilting his head, eyeing Kip up and down. “See, the minute you walked into the picture I couldn’t figure it out. Involving you really didn’t make sense, since you weren’t even worth the bother I took to fuck you. Is that it you think, because you easily bent over twice, that it meant more to me than an easy fuck between the five others I had that day?” Brian asks, looking disinterested. 

“You never fucked anyone more than once, so I was more than that.” He tells Brian.

“I’m sure that’s what Michael told you.” Brian tells him.

“It’s what everyone knew, I was special. If you’d just admitted it, I wouldn’t have tried to do what I did. Not that Michael didn’t stop me, but you could have if you would have just let me stay with you.” Kip tells him.

“What did Michael do?” He asks.

“He had a recording of what we said in the backroom, which would have proved you didn’t do anything. He could have saved you, but I guess he never told you that. I wouldn’t have let it get that far if you hadn’t rejected me in front of every guy in Babylon.” Kip tells him, as if it changed anything.

“Kippy, Kippy, Kippy, you just didn’t learn from the last time. Too bad. But hey, I’m sure federal prison will help you see the error in your ways.” Nick said, when Brian got up and left the room.

“I didn’t do anything.” Kip tells Nick, not sure what to make of him.

“See, that’s where you and I disagree. I don’t think trying to hire someone to do harm isn’t anything, and see, the problem is you did it yourself, regardless of who told you to do it. See, you really don’t do your intel. Mikey, well he isn’t going to help you when we get the seven kids who can point to you and say you’re the guy offering to finance a bashing. Right now we have you for intent, and really, since Justin’s a celebrity, and rich enough to make people want to do anything to keep him happy, your pretty ass will be Bubba’s to share with his friends. So in the interest of protecting your ass, help me out and I’ll try to keep you from finding out what gang rape is like.” Nick tells him. 

Brian tried to hold it together, but even I wouldn’t have been able to stop from wanting to beat the shit out of someone who went after the person I loved. I caught him, and even though I had bulk on my side, adrenaline can turn anyone into superman. 

“He’s not worth this.” I said, holding on to him.

Brian stilled for a minute, and if Justin hadn’t walked in, I doubt he would have listened to me. 

“Hi Kip, having fun with my boys?” Justin asks, not going to Brian. This was Justin on a job, and distractions weren’t allowed.

Kip looked at the scary men surrounding him, and the one I was still holding, and broke.

“He told me I could have Brian, all it would take was getting rid of the reason you have a hold on Brian. We were going to give Brian everything he wanted until you came into his life.” Kip said, glaring at Justin.

“What gave you the idea that my looks were the problem?” Justin asks, casually going to Brian and letting Brian wrap his arms around him. Brian ran his lips and tongue around Justin’s neck and ear. “See, I think it’s more that I gave him what no one else ever did. Sex doesn’t just do it for Brian, but sex that leaves him limp and wanting more, even when he can no longer get it up. Although he eventually does, since I know exactly what to do to get him there. Of course none of you would, since there’s only one person who gets this from him.” Justin said running his finger over the seam of Brian’s ass, and damn it, yeah it was hot.

“He’d never let anyone.” Kip said, in disbelief.

“Oh he would, trust me. Since I know exactly how he likes to ride my cock. Is that what Michael told you, that my looks made me the trick who wouldn’t leave, and Brian couldn’t resist?” Justin says, locking lips with Brian.

I looked at Nick and Mark, who were trying not to laugh, and Kip getting off on what he was seeing.

“What was Lindsay’s part in this, Kip?” Justin asks, walking over towards him, while Kip stared at the bulge that didn’t hide what Justin was sporting. Apparently Brian wasn’t the only one who turned Kip on.

Like he was drugged looking at both of them, he talked and talked.

“She contacted me, telling me to get Brian in bed. She planned to get you there in time to see us. She only wanted you to get back to your career, only she couldn’t afford to support me. I went to Michael, thinking I could use his blackmail on him. The case was dropped, but I doubted Brian would be too happy to hear that Michael had the evidence that would have dropped it faster. Instead, he agreed to put me up in style, if I helped him out. He knew if he was out trying to hire someone, people would recognize him. He tried to use his kid, and then we talked about taking the boy, but Lindsay caught us and told us the kids were off limits, or she would tell you guys what we’d been up to. Not that she knew what we were really planning to do with Justin.” He tells us.

“What did she think? And tell me about the baby.” Justin leaned over running his nose along the side of Kip’s cheek. Fuck me, Nick had nothing on Justin.

“That we’d get Brian to take off again, leaving you to her for help. The baby… was Michael wanting what you gave Brian, only it would be his, not yours. Lindsay helped get him a sample, that was all. Michael did the rest.” Kip says, breathless and trying to turn his head to get to Justin’s lips.

“Is it Brian’s?” Justin asked, backing up so he couldn’t lick his lips.

“I don’t know, but she said it was. But maybe it’s the guy’s she was with lately, some artist.” Kip says, trying to get closer.

“Thanks. Ready.” Justin says, walking off to Brian.

“Sure, now do you get what really kept all my attention on this?” Brian asks him, running his hands all over Justin.

Carl came in and took Kip, telling him to get a good lawyer. Mark sat next to me, while I had to think of anything but what I just saw. Thoughts of Gus wasn’t doing it either.

“You know, I’ve pretty much been straight as an arrow all my life but…” Mark says, looking at Nick.

“I don’t complain, because I’ve spent many a night with my girl raring to go after those two got her hot and bothered. Look at it this way, your wife will thank Justin if you apply what he just taught us to foreplay.” Nick smiles.

“What now?” I ask, since Kip wasn’t the big fish.

“Now you go and make sure Gus has a FRIEND when he needs one.” Nick tell me, making sure I get what he means.

BRIAN

We got to the suite we were staying in tonight. Cameron was watching TV with his head on Drew’s lap. When I first came home, this would have killed me, but now I see the longing in Drew’s eyes for what I have. Emmett came out of the bathroom, and tilted his head to the bedroom, which, after Justin’s little performance tonight, wasn’t how I pictured spending the evening. 

Emmett closed the door and sat down in one of the chairs, waiting for us. I wasn’t sure what this was about.

“I wanted to ask you guys something.” 

“Go ahead, I need to clean up, but I can hear you from the bathroom.” Justin tells him, leaving the door open. I got it, wanting to wash off the stench of assholes near him.

“What are you guys going to do if the baby isn’t yours?” Emmett asked.

“I’m not sure yet, we might not be able to do anything. Agreements like the one Michael signed are pretty hard to break. I will break it how ever I have to if it’s mine, but otherwise I don’t honestly know what to do.” I tell him.

“I’m just worried, because if there is a baby, what happens to it if it isn’t yours?” Emmett asks.

“Why are you asking?” Justin came out, getting a shirt out of the closet.

“Drew and I want a baby. If it isn’t Brian’s then we’d like to try to see if we could get the baby. I know we could do what you guys did and avoid this mess, but neither of us care who the parents are, just that we could offer the baby a great life.” He tells us.

“Emmett, not only would you have to get Michael to agree, but you’d have to get the surrogate to agree. Which most likely will happen, because they aren’t having a baby because they want one. I have a feeling that we’re dealing with Lindsay double crossing Michael, because of what Kip told us tonight.” I tell him.

“Brian, do you still have POA over Michael?” Justin asks, and proves once again he’s always one step ahead of things.

“Yes. But it only works if Michael is proven unable to make decisions.” I tell him.

“It also works if we can prove diminished capacity. Which I’m sure Alex would agree with, since you have proof that Michael attempted to - or at least wanted you to believe he would - kill himself, three times in the past year. Then, if we prove he planned pretty much all of this, no agency could legally hand a baby over to him.” Justin tells us.

“If he went through an agency. The paperwork looks like it was privately done with just the surrogate.” Emmett tells us, looking guilty.

“It looked like what we signed, but I didn’t see an agency listed.” Justin tells me.

“Emmett, it would be easier to find another way.” I tell him.

“I know, but all I can think is, this baby, if it isn’t lucky enough to be yours, needs us. I know it sounds strange, but it’s just how I feel.” He tells us.

“What does Drew think?” I ask.

“He said he’d do what we had to if it’s what I want.” He tells me.

“When we know, we’ll help, but don’t expect it to be easy.” I tell him.

AL

I knew I should have just gone to my room, but I wanted to know Gus was okay. He was staying in a room next to his fathers, the connecting door closed and locked, which I checked, swearing it was just making sure the room was secure. He was laying on the bed pretending to be interested in the movie playing on the TV, and I was pretending that I was just here to kill time. 

“How did it go with your therapist?” I asked, giving up and sitting on the other bed.

“She told me to leave if it’s more than I can handle, but figured out that I would do it anyway.” He tells me, turning over to face me.

“I don’t know if I could do it, but then, my mom’s nothing like what yours sounds like.” I tell him.

“What’s yours like?” He asks, actually interested.

I laid down and faced him. “She loves us, me and my sister. Showed up at everything, making sure that everyone knew she was proud of everything we did. I never even worried when I told her that I might bring home a son-in-law or daughter-in-law, just that the person would love me.” 

“What about your dad, how did he feel?” He asks.

“He just told me to make sure the guy or girl was as good to me as my mother was to him. His brother was gay, so it was easy on him to accept my choices in life too. He actually knows Justin, only because he’s been to parties the team threw when we finished jobs, and they get along, probably because he loves Justin’s work and that it kept me safe.” I tell him.

“How?” Gus asks, making me realize I might have said too much.

“Gus, there are things we can’t tell people, and trust me, I would tell you. Justin could, maybe, since I’m sure you wouldn’t tell anyone, but he would have to give me permission for me to say anything.” I tell him, hating that he now knew that Justin kept things from him too.

“Give me a minute okay?” He tells me, going to the connecting door and through it. 

I sat there, wondering if I was about to get my ass kicked because I forgot myself, talking to him. Justin came in with Gus, sitting in the chair in the room. Brian stood at the door, shaking his head at me, since I was supposed to be in my room, likely. Gus sat on his bed, so maybe I’d live a little longer.

“Do you want to hear it from me? It won’t be everything, but enough for you to understand.” Justin asks him.

“Would it be okay if Al told me?” He asks, getting Justin to smile at me, saying my mom was going to have more reasons to badger my ass.

“You can’t give him specifics, that takes going over my head, but you can stick to basics. Gus wouldn’t tell anyone, which I’ve always known, but I didn’t want him to be scared every time I was gone when he was younger. Is that understood?” Justin tells me.

“Yes. But wouldn’t you rather be here to make sure I don’t screw up since I seem to around him?” I ask, might as well get it out there because I don’t see just leaving and forgetting Gus Kinney.

“Nope, I get it.” Justin tells me, looking at Brian as he walks to the door.

“Gus, remember everything we ever talked about.” Brian tells him, which he seems to understand even if I didn’t. Then locked the door before he closed it.

“So talk.” Gus tells me, getting comfortable.

“He locked it.” I said, dumbfounded.

“He knows I won’t do anything unless I’m ready, so yeah, he locked it. Now talk.” He orders me.

“Justin helped us by giving us layouts to places, because people didn’t suspect anything, since he had reasons to be where he was. I used to think he got the easy shit, but he did it without anyone being able to help him if he got caught. That’s really all of it, without getting into specifics.” I tell him.

“Like when he was in that helicopter?” He asks.

“Before my time, but yes. They picked him up, for reasons I don’t know, and were actually just flying him back so he could come home. They used the excuse that he wanted pictures of a place that only the military could go, after it happened. From what I do know, it should have been easy, but something happened, something that had nothing to do with him. Which is more than I should tell you.” I tell him.

“I barely slept for the whole time. No one could tell me anything.” Gus tell me.

“In those cases, unless you’re family, they can’t.” I tell him.

“Jus called me before anyone knew he was okay. So he must have thought I was family even then.” He tells me, smiling.

“I want to know you are going to be okay when you talk to your mother.” I tell him.

“Why?” He asks.

“Because I stopped too.” I tell him.

“Can you stay here tonight? I’m not ready, but I’d like you to be here. No, I’m not okay, but I don’t have a choice if I want to protect the baby.” He tells me.

“Gus, maybe it’s not a good idea.” I tell him.

“I don’t mean you have to do anything, just be here. I know it seems like I’m pushing when we just met but there’s just something about you.” Gus tells me, and of course I get up and lay down next to him.

“We keep it G-rated.” I tell him, laughing when Brian opens the locked door.

“Cameron wanted to sleep here.” Brian smirks.

“Gussy, Dada said you missed me lots.” Cameron came in climbing up on the bed.

“Yes he does sonny boy.” Brian really didn’t have to enjoy this.

“It’s cool Dad, we aren’t doing anything unless we know it’s what we want.” Gus really had to tell him.

“Mel called your mom and told her she had to be over at four to pick up her things. Take your jeep to school so you can get to the house in time. Nick told me to tell Al that he was on deck to get you there and back.” Brian tells us, closing the door.

Cameron got in the middle of us and that helped cool things down, but watching him and Cameron made me see what a future with Gus would be like. 

“Gussy loves me best, just don’t tell Jenny okay?” Cameron says, turning his big blue eyes on me.

“I won’t, but I’m starting to think they all love you best, kid.” I tell Cameron, kissing his head.

“Time to sleep, Gussy has a lot to do.” Gus tells Cameron, getting up and turning off the light, before going to the bathroom.

Cameron dropped in seconds, which left me awake wondering what the hell I was doing. Gus came out, but walked to my side of the bed. I didn’t stop him when he kissed me, since I wanted it. It made the shit I did tonight disappear, and it was the thing my relationships always lacked. How did I end up wanting a kid in high school?

“Who knows, when there aren’t any other distractions, we’ll have time to figure it out.” Gus tells me, making me groan that I said it out loud.

GUS

Luke and I were good, he told me he just wanted to see if it was a crush or not. While it was fun, he said he didn’t feel what he thought he would either. I worried a lot about it, only because of the things that my Dad is still dealing with, with Michael. I stopped worrying when he saw Al standing there waiting for me with my Jeep. Luke never looked at me like that, but then I'd never looked at anyone the way I looked at Al. I didn’t care that he drove, because they wanted someone with me all the time, but it sort of pissed me off when both girls and guys were staring at him. Luke told me if I ever decided to give him up, to let him have his number. Decking your best friend started to sound good.

When we were driving to the house I stopped thinking about anything but that I was about to set up my mom. We got there half an hour early and I didn’t want to go in yet. Al sat next to me, drumming the steering wheel.

“You don’t have to do this, it’s really more than anyone should have to do.” He tells me.

“I’m not risking my life, it’s not like what you and Nick do.” I tell him, knowing that if we decide to be more, my life would be spent like Aunt Daphne’s.

“We’re hard to kill Gus, it happens, but not often. What you’re doing makes my job look easy. Don’t ever minimize the loss of faith in someone you love, it’s not something I ever want to feel.” He tells me.

“You really need to stop being perfect, you know.” I tell him.

“I’m far from it, Gus, but if you want to think that I won’t stop you. Now it’s time to do this or leave.” He tells me.

“Doing it. And please don’t take it personally if I don’t want to talk about it when it’s over.” I tell him.

“I won’t, but don’t hold it in either.” He tells me.

“I won’t.” I promise him.

I left Al with Hunter, who handed Al a book and told him to quiz him, so he aces his test tomorrow. Hunter looked at me, and my brother was there, which was all I needed to do this, even with Al here. Jenny was sitting in her room, without a clue because I didn’t want her to know until we had to tell her. It made me realize it was what my Dad and Justin were hoping to do for me. 

Mom showed up ten minutes later. Seeing me she smiled, and I got up and followed her to the room. I didn’t comment that it was once Justin and my dad’s room, ignoring it the way Mama ignored it. 

“Can you believe they’re throwing me out?” She says, opening a suitcase.

“Mom, you brought the guy who tried to say Dad did something wrong, so yes I can believe it. Where are you going? I’ve been worried because you haven’t called in days.” I tell her, and I was worried, since I didn’t know where she was.

“I ran into an old friend… I needed a friendly face, so I called someone from my past. I was hoping to introduce you to Sam, we are going to try, now that Mel isn’t even willing to try. I’ve never been good at being alone, you know.” She tells me.

“Isn’t he the guy you cheated on Mama with?” I asked, since she told me about him before.

“It was a mistake then, but now it feels different. He has all these plans and they sound exciting.” She tells me.

“Mom they know you helped Michael. I’m worried about the baby. You know Michael shouldn’t have a baby, look at what he’s like with Jenny. I won’t let my brother or sister deal with what Jenny had to, it hurt her.” I tell her.

“Lambskin, I wouldn’t do that to you. You have to know even though what I did was stupid, I wouldn’t ever let something touch you or Jenny.” She tells me, sitting next to me.

“Why does Michael think it’s Dad’s?” I ask her.

“Because it was the only way to make him leave you and Jenny alone.” She tells me, as if it makes her a hero in this.

“Dad and Mama wouldn’t have let that happen. Regardless of what you think Dad having another kid affects me. What could Michael really do to either me or Jenny, Mom? The truth, because so far I’m not hearing it.” .

“It’s going to sound worse than it was. I wanted Justin to see his career wasn’t going to wait forever for him. Gus, you have to understand that your father was never cut out for the kind of life that he promised Justin, so I wanted to make it easier for Justin to see how his life was going to be, staying with your dad. I found a guy that he showed more interest in than usual, and wanted to test your dad, for Justin’s sake. After what happened last year, Justin deserved to see the truth about his marriage. Only he got greedy and told Michael what I planned, and I didn’t want to hurt Mel, you, or Jenny, because it wasn’t something you'd understand. I tried to hide what I did, but he went to Michael. Michael only agreed when I told him I’d get him what he wanted, which was mine to do with what I wanted anyway, not that I wanted to give it to Michael. It’s why I told Jen, so it wouldn’t be worse than it is.” She tells me, as if she was somehow the savior.

“Mom, who’s kid is it?” I ask.

“Not your father’s. Can’t that be enough?” She asks.

“Who?” I ask again, because I just need to know.

“I had Sam donate, we put it under your dad’s name. The girl we paid made sure not to mix it up. See, I didn’t do anything that would hurt you, your dad, or Justin, Lambskin.” She tells me, as if that was all that mattered to her. 

“Just a baby who didn’t ask for it. Great job Mom.” I tell her, not hiding my anger.

“Honey, Sam could care less about the baby, or any of his other kids, so it’s not like Michael could do worse than Sam.” 

Was she for real?

“Tell that to Jenny or Hunter, see if they think neglect in any form works. Jesus, don’t you even care that you helped him make a baby and left it in the hands of someone who is willing to pay people to possibly kill the guy you claim you were trying to help?” I ask.

“What do you mean by that?” She asks, actually seeming concerned, about what, I don’t know.

“Michael and Kip were trying to get Jus bashed. That wasn't a joke or rumor, that was what they planned. Jus wasn’t going to be running off with you, since they were planning on hurting him.” I tell her.

“Oh God Lambskin, they promised me to do what I wanted. It was only going to be Kip showing Justin the truth about your dad, I wouldn’t have agreed to anything else.” She tells me.

“What you did agree to was bad enough. Good luck, since Michael probably planned to put the blame on you. Not that I don’t feel like you deserve it, since you started this whole thing. I don’t know who’s worse anymore, you or Michael.” I tell her, getting up and following Dr Turner’s advice. Leaving when I could no longer handle what I heard.

“Lambskin, please, I need you to understand.” She says following me.

“No. You need to pack and leave this house.” Mama tells her, holding me when I need it. “Gus go, it’s my turn. Baby I’m so sorry.” She tells me, making me look at her.

“I still have you and my fathers, so I’m good.” Telling her the truth and lying at the same time.

I walk down the stairs, glad this was no longer the house I lived in, past Hunter who I knew would help if I need him too and straight out the front door, where Al was waiting to get me out of here.

“Can we just drive for a while? Not talk, just drive?” I ask him.

“Whatever you need me to do, but is it okay if I call your dads first?” He asks.

“Tell them it isn’t his.” I tell him, looking at the yard where Cameron used to run around.

“Gus, look at me.” 

I looked, even though I knew I was about to lose it. 

“It doesn’t change you, just her. She’s lost the best thing in her life, and it’s going to hurt, but you have so many people who will be there to help you.” He tells me.

“I know, thanks.” I tell him, opening my door, just wanting to leave.

Al got in and started the car after calling my dads, and he drove until I asked to go home. He stopped me before I went to my dads. “I’m one of them, even if it’s just as your friend.” He tells me.

“I already knew, and it helps.” I tell him, kissing him before going to my dad, who was waiting to do what he did all my life, love me. I looked at Al, and thought I’d never be like my mom, because I wanted to love someone the way Al described. I wanted to love Al that way one day.

“She might make shitty decisions, but she helped give me you and for that nothing else matters.” Dad tells me.

“She gave me you too, you know.” I whispered, not caring that I sounded like Cameron right now.

LINDSAY

Mel stood at the door and ordered me to get my shit and get out. Watching Gus go to her made me angry. Gus was always mine, the way Jenny was really Mel’s. It didn’t matter now, but I needed to make Mel understand that I wasn’t part of what Gus told me.

“I need to know what Gus was talking about. Nothing he was saying was what I wanted to happen. I only wanted my life the way it was when Justin included me. Unless he could see that the life he wanted with Brian wasn’t going to happen, then he would stay here, waiting for something Brian wouldn’t give him. You have to believe me, the last thing I wanted for was any of this to get this far out of hand. You have to see that what Gus told me was Michael, and not me.” I tell her.

“I don’t have to believe or see anything, what happens to you isn’t about me and my family. Do yourself a favor, find a way to get yourself far away from Michael. He’s out of control and will take anyone down to save himself.” She tells me, not offering to help.

“Mel, I never agreed to any of the things Gus told me. I told Gus the truth about my part in all of this. I need you to help me.” I tell her.

“The way you tried to help Justin was by showing him the truth as Lindsay Peterson sees it. I spent my life wanting the truth from you, but now I’m glad you couldn’t provide it, since your answer was to try to ruin Justin’s marriage.” She tells me.

“It was already on it’s way there, all I was doing was giving them both a way to finally end it.” I tell her.

“I wish WE’D have ended it when Sam came into the picture. From what you told Gus, Sam was still there, just waiting in the wings for you.” She tells me.

“You were listening to a private conversation. And you left me first. It’s not my fault that other people still wanted me, which you wouldn’t have had to worry about if you had tried to work it out with me.” I tell her.

“It really doesn’t hurt me that Sam is stupid enough to keep coming back to you. What pisses me off is that you couldn’t just let Sam give you the life you seem to want instead staying with me when you clearly didn’t want to be here. Another thing; leave Justin alone, he’s been a good friend to us. He doesn't need you showing him anything, since he likely could see our marriage  wasn’t much of a marriage, but stayed out of it. You know what? Do what you want. It's getting you nowhere fast. It’s not important anyway, because you've already lost any chance of him wanting you around. What is important is finding a way to stop what Michael is doing. I can’t believe that after dealing with the shit Michael was doing that you could help him get this baby.” She tells me.

“Can’t you see that by using Sam, Michael loses it all.” I tell her.

“What about the baby, does it even bother you that this affects an innocent child?” She asks.

“That’s Michael’s problem.” I tell her.

“Which means no, you don’t care.  Pack and be out in ten minutes.” She tells me.

Packing took a little longer than Mel wanted, but I was distracted by what Michael was trying to do to Justin. Sam wasn’t any help, he was jealous of Justin maintaining his success even without working. I didn’t agree, so Sam asked me to name my favorite artists. I thought he was testing me again until I finished naming several well known artists. When I finished with Van Gogh, he smirked and said “He's still admired even dead, darling”. Making me angry that he wanted to embarrass me by telling me I didn't have a clue what really makes an artist immortal. I didn’t like that he wasn't kissing my feet, acting like I was the one who needed to do it. I reminded him he wouldn’t be in Justin’s good graces either for helping me, which he shrugged at, saying anything that publicized his name next to Justin’s wouldn’t be a bad thing. Only I got the feeling he’d hang me out to dry, in order to look good.

MICHAEL

I couldn’t find Kip. He’d stopped answering my calls in the last two days. At first I thought nothing about him not calling, because I explained to him that coming to my house would link him to me. I didn’t need that when I’d been careful, planning to let Lindsay and Kip take the fall when shit went south. In the end my plan was for Brian to see me as the good guy when I turned them in. Lindsay was even stupid enough to set herself up. Really, the kid was only to give Brian something the shit didn’t, another real child. It wasn’t like I believed Brian would be happy I did it, but he'd have to include me, since it was going to be mine. Then I could get him back and show him what a good father and friend I was, allowing him access without jumping through hoops.  Well one hoop, he would have to spend time with me.

I should have just taken care of it myself, only I wanted nothing leading back to me. The girl Lindsay arranged to have the baby was getting demanding, she actually thinks I should pay her rent. Likely learning from Lindsay’s belief that fathers should pay for the mother as well as the kid. I was already paying for the doctor visits and her outrageous fee. I should have skipped having a kid, but it was the reason Brian kept going back to the whore. I just kept reminding myself that when Brian and I are together, the money would be a drop in the bucket for us, and a nanny would deal with it, while we were busy.

I went to pay for another item I bid on when my card was declined, which shouldn’t have happened. I ended up going to the bank when the girl on the phone must have mixed up my account with someone else's. She printed out my statement, handing it to me when I told her there should be plenty in the account. When I saw a huge withdrawal I never made, I pointed it out as their mistake. 

“We can investigate it, but it takes time. You still have savings, that should help you until it gets cleared up.” She tells me. 

“I need the money now, not when you figure out your mistake. Get me someone who has answers.” I demanded.

She called her boss, telling me to have a seat. It took an hour for the asshole to call me, and his answer wasn’t any better.

“There's a hold on those funds, pending an investigation. Unfortunately there's not much we can do until they clear you of any wrongdoing.” He tells me. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” I ask. 

“I'm not at liberty to say, other than to tell you that the funds are not available.” He tells me. 

“I want my money. And while your at it, close my accounts.” I tell him. 

“Sorry, but there is nothing we can do. When your assets are frozen, we have to comply. It might be a good idea to get a lawyer to check, if you believe there's been a mistake. I'm sure they've sent you notification about the reason. Good day, Mr Novotny-Bruckner.” He says opening his door.

“My lawyer will also be contacting you about this.” I warn.

“If he must, but we're only following the law.” He tells me. 

I got home and tore through the mail I'd been ignoring. There was nothing but bills, and something from the insurance company about the fire. Reading it, I was sure they made a mistake. They were accusing me of arson. It wasn’t like they were paying for the whole house, just to replace the kitchen. I really thought they’d just cut me a check. Not treat me like a criminal. Jesus, I only started the fire to get Brian to check on me.

I called the company to tell them never mind about the claim, but was told the minute the claim was made, it was too late. I hung up, remembering exactly who told me to file it. Ted. The fucking asshole betrayed me. I wanted to show him what happens to people who side with HIM. I no longer cared if someone linked me to Kip. I would figure out a way to explain it. The guy had a history of blackmailing people, so it’s not like they wouldn’t believe he was trying it on me.

I called his number again and the fucker finally answered. 

“Where have you been, we have things we need to deal with?” I ask him.

“Sorry, I had a family emergency. I thought you said not to call each other.” He tells me.

“You haven’t held up your end of the bargain. And I’ve decided that until you do, you get nothing more from me. Since you’ve done nothing but run your mouth about your skills, I’m not sure what I’m paying you for.” I tell him.

“I found someone.” He tells me.

“You better not be expecting me to give you any more money. Until it’s finished, I’m done paying for your ass.” I tell him.

“I followed your advice, the guy won’t do anything unless he meets everyone involved. He says he wants insurance before he does anything. He only wants the five hundred from you first, and the rest of the payment once it’s done. So that shouldn’t be a problem for you.” He tells me.

“This was your part, not mine. You weren’t supposed to tell anyone I’m involved in this.” I tell him, checking to see if I still had enough at home for this. “I have it, but I don’t like that he wants to meet me.”

“I had to tell him, since I don’t have the kind of money he goes for. It’s not cheap to do what you want, and trust isn’t something the guy believes in. It’s why he wants to meet both of us. That way if something goes wrong, we all keep our mouths shut. If you want to back out, now's the time, live with the fact that Brian will never be yours.” He tells me.

“Fine. When?” I ask.

“He said he could do it tonight, since he found out that they plan to leave town tomorrow.” He tells me.

“Not at my house.” I tell him, trying to think of somewhere no one would really pay attention to us. “Ben’s grave. No one really goes there anymore.” I tell him, when I couldn’t come up with somewhere no one would see us.

“In a…” He stopped like he was checking, which made me feel better the person existed. “He said to be there in a couple of hours.” He tells me.

“I’ll be there, and this time you better have come through.” I tell him.

NICK

People were stupid, and Michael just proved it. Mel came with me when Cody and Ethan arrived. I wasn’t sure why they were here, but Justin and Brian seemed to know. They called Mel, Emmett, and Drew to meet them at the house, then all disappeared into Justin’s office. When they came out, Cody told me he would be willing to help me. Justin apparently had been planning while we were all waiting around for Michael to do something. I trusted Justin, and listened to what he came up with, which would get this shit done. Carl agreed the plan would work and tie Michael up in a bow for the DA. Mel came in, saying she and Ethan had business to deal with, what, I didn’t ask.

“Was it enough?” I ask Carl, when Kip hung up.

“We could arrest him, but once he hands over the money we have a better chance of getting a conviction. Are you sure he won’t recognize your guy?” Carl asks, looking at Cody.

“We never visited Justin here, so I doubt he’d know who I am.” Cody tells him.

“I can’t believe we came for a visit and now you get to play hitman. My life must bore you to tears darling.” Ethan tells him.

“I’m good with boring, but you love all this.” Cody tell him.

“It’s why Justin thought we’d be a match made in heaven. Now, I have an artist to convince that he’s better off trading sides. Have fun.” Ethan tells Cody, getting up to leave.

“What are you doing?” I ask, because no one told me about this.

“Apparently Justin wants to help another friend, so I get to play too. Don’t worry, I’m not planning on doing anything to ruin your fun. Just make sure a baby gets it’s happy home.” Ethan tells me.

“Is Justin involved in this?” I ask.

“Only in that he is willing to help the jackass if he helps us.” Ethan tells me.

“Michael has the agreement, what could Sam do?” Carl asks me.

“Michael’s agreement says that Brian Kinney’s the father, which means the agreement is invalid, since Sam is the father.” Mel says. 

ETHAN

Sam Auerbach's ego was bigger than mine, and less deserved. The man didn’t get that you don’t piss off the people who buy your work. It’s something Justin warned me about when my head got too big. When I called his agent about a meeting, the guy jumped on it, which just told me Sam wasn’t getting many offers anymore. 

I sat at my hotel room, thinking this secret agent stuff wasn’t as much fun as I imagined. Of course, I was the way in, while Cody did the real work. Only, I liked knowing that I was helping more than myself, which is all Cody’s fault, and Justin’s too. Justin had me talk to Emmett and Drew, not that I needed that to help. They could have gone an easier route, but to them it was about this baby and what would happen to it, when Michael was in jail.

Justin was willing to call in a few favors and give Sam the show he wanted. Only he couldn’t be here with everything going on. Sending me made sense, because Sam knew how close Justin and I were to each other. It didn’t matter that years went by. People in our circles only saw that if Justin was showing, I was there cheering him on. 

The whole baby thing pretty much convinced me, Michael was desperate and crazy. When we were discussing it, Mel was reading the paperwork again. I swear the smile she had was evil as hell, and I decided if I ever needed a lawyer Mel was going to be it. She called a couple of people, saying the clinic was going to be sorry they hired the girl who changed the information. The girl was brought in, and figured jail wasn’t worth the money Lindsay gave her to falsify the file. Sam was lucky, the girl said he just donated and left. Lindsay was the one who made the deal with the girl. Apparently it was all about the wording, with Brian Kinney not being the father, the the agreement Michael had was void, and the surrogate would be stuck dealing with the kid, unless she agreed to Sam. Which meant we had to convince Sam to help us, and give the baby a set of parents who would make the baby their world.

Sam showed up late, but then he was never good at being where he was told to be. It’s why no one wants to show him anymore. Mel was sitting on the sofa next to me. Sam seemed to think he and Mel were friends, and Mel was letting him.

“It’s been a while, sorry about Lindsay and you.” He tells her, not sounding like he really cared.

“Sorry for you too.” Mel tells him, smirking.

“I thought you wanted to talk business?” He ask me.

“I do. But it’s sort of you help me, we help you.” I tell him.

“Who is we?” Sam asks.

“Justin was able to get someone willing to show you. Just you.” I tell him.

“Why would he do that? It’s not like he’s ever shown any interest in my work, or me.” Sam tells me.

“He still isn't. But you can help him, so he’s willing to lower himself to help you.” Mel tells him.

“Lindsay came to me.” Sam tells her.

“I can honestly say I don’t care anymore what Lindsay does. If you want her, she’s your problem. It’s not why we’re here.” Mel tells him.

“Then what do I need to do to get what Justin’s offering me?” He ask.

“Claim the baby. The one Lindsay convinced you wouldn’t become your problem. I looked through the agreement and guess what? It says the baby was Brian Kinney’s, which it isn’t, and that makes this agreement void. If you don’t want to help, that’s up to you. Only, we plan to tell the surrogate who to sue to support the baby. Before you try to tell us to prove it’s yours, the girl who changed the file is singing to stay out of jail. I have a judge willing to subpoena you to test you against the samples. In the end you’ll end up supporting the kid, since you agreed to make the baby.” Mel tells him.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” Sam asks Mel.

“I wish I could say yes, but I’ve seen what kind of father Michael is, and find it revolting that we have to offer you something you want so the baby has a better life.” Mel tells him.

“So what do you want me to do? Because my other kids will tell you, they wouldn’t want me as a father.” He tells her.

“We want you to verify that the baby’s yours. Then we can approach the surrogate about signing a new agreement, with the couple who are willing to keep you from ever having to be a father. Nothing more. You won’t even get in trouble for what Lindsay did. Think about it. You walk away with a show in Paris, and no repercussions for anything.” Mel tells him.

“What about Lindsay?” He asks.

“Do you really care?” Mel asks, watching him closely.

“Just let me know where I need to be and what I need to sign.” He tells her, not answering, before getting up and leaving.

“Is it really that easy?” I ask.

“It is, based on what I told him. Not that it was all the truth. He has no legal responsibility, but he doesn’t know that. Now hopefully the surrogate, will agree. ” Mel tells me. 

“She’s going to be living in a penthouse, you really think she wouldn’t?” I tell her.

“Why did you agree to do it?” Mel asks me.

“Because I don’t gain anything but the satisfaction that I helped two people who will be the kind of parents we all dream of having. Cody will be so happy with me.” I joke.

“You are nothing like the public thinks, you know.” Mel tells me.

“None of us are. They think Cody’s my flavor of the year, even though it's been years, and that Justin is just an artist. Nothing is ever what we show the world.” I tell her.

“Either way, thank you for helping when you didn’t have to.” She tells me.

“Your helping too, and you didn’t have to.” I tell her.

“I made a lot of mistakes, and it’s my way to make up to my son and old friends.” She tells me.

“When this is over, how about you make new friends, starting with me.” I tell her.

“I’d like that.” She tells me, leaving.

JUSTIN

Brian didn’t want to come and watch what Michael was about to do. I really didn’t care, as long as it was over. But I wanted to do one thing after hearing Michael said, no one bothered to come to Ben’s grave. Which, if Michael had bothered to visit, he would have seen that people still came to remember Ben. Hunter made a weekly trek to clean up and put flowers out for the father he loved. There were also others who stopped by, like students who remembered him. Ben wasn’t forgotten the way Michael thought, except by the man who was his husband. I came with Hunter when he didn’t want to come alone, but it wasn’t the only time. I used to come, and try to figure out why he did some of the things he did, when he could have walked away and found happiness in the dreams he gave up. It was how I sometimes felt during the last year. I wanted Michael to see the cards and flowers for a man he shit on in life. He needed to see that Ben actually had people who cared that he existed. Granted, none of them had anything to do with my little show, but there were people who did come to honor Ben.

The delivery van showed up with the flowers that I ordered, and put them where I wanted them. I needed to get out of here before Nick killed Al for letting me come here. When they were finished I took pictures that I planned to use in a show. I wanted to show that even when someone was gone, they still were there with us. Hunter came along, smiling as he cleared the weeds. He ignored me, just did what he’d been doing every week. 

“You never say anything to tarnish Ben’s memory. It sounded like a lot of the problems started with Ben’s will.” Al tells me.

“Ben didn’t force Brian to oversee it, just did what he thought Michael wanted. What happened wasn’t because of Ben, but a combination of problems that we never talked to each other about. Michael couldn’t have done anything if we hadn’t both taken the easy way out by not talking about it. We both know it, and blaming everyone else doesn’t change that there were problems.” I tell him.

“He doesn’t want me to have bad memories of my father.” Hunter tells him.

“Ben loved you, he might not have been perfect, but for you he was the father you cherished.” I tell him.

“We need to go, Nick is about to be here to set up.” Al tells me.

“Nick IS here, and going to kick your ass for letting Justin come here.” Nick tells us, walking up with the guys.

“We’ve all fallen for Justin’s ‘it’s just a few pictures’.” Mark says, trying to excuse Al.

“Time to go, we have to set up everything else, but with the flower parade it makes it easier.” Nick tells them.

“Which is the reason I thought it would be a good idea.” I lied.

“He really thinks we believe that?” Rick asks, laughing.

MICHAEL

I got to the cemetery and it took me a couple minutes to remember where Ben was. There were people at other graves talking, as if the dead person was still there. I didn’t really see the point, but used to have to come with Ma so she could sit next to Vic’s grave. She didn’t bother to try to make up with him when he was alive, but acted like it made a difference now that he was dead. I only came with her because Ben thought we should. 

When I got to Ben’s grave, I wasn’t sure I was in the right place. The only time anyone had this many flowers were at the funeral. I read some of the cards that were on the flowers, wondering who these people were, since Ben didn’t have many friends the whole time we were together, at least none he ever introduced me to.

I saw Kip walking towards me with someone who looked like a kid. As they got closer I started to worry about what we were going to do. I didn’t need to have anyone think I was involved. It was the one thing I knew would lose me any chance of getting Brian back in my life. I only needed time to show Brian he’d made a mistake committing himself to the asshole. It wasn’t just about Brian, but Ted too. I was being investigated, and from what I read online, if they proved I caused the fire then I’d end up in prison. I had nothing to lose anymore, but I didn’t need any more reasons for someone to cart my ass off to jail.

“We’re here. This is Michael. He’s the one who wants you to do what I asked.” Kip tells him, pissing me off by saying it was all me.

“What Kip means is that we wanted you to help us out.” I tell the guy.

“It really doesn’t matter to me why you want me to hurt the faggot. I just came to get the payment and deal with it.” The guy tells me.

“I wanted to see if you would be willing to help me out with another person after you prove you can do what Kip says you can.” I tell him, being careful not to say I wanted them hurt; or killed, in the whore’s case.

“You seem to have lots of people you would like to see next to your husband. That is what you want isn’t it, them no longer above ground?” He asks.

“Only one of them. The other just needs to know he shouldn’t cross me.” I tell him.

“Killing someone isn’t cheap, are you sure you can afford that?” The guy asks.

“I have a thousand as down payment and if you do what you say, then I’ll make sure you get what you ask for.” I tell him, pulling out the money.

“I’ll definitely make sure you get what you deserve.” He tells me, taking the envelope. 

“What?” I ask, since it didn’t make sense, ‘what I deserved’.

“Was it what you needed?” The guy asks, looking behind me.

“Yes. Thank you.” Carl says, looking at me like I was a criminal.

“What’s going on? I was here to see Ben.” I ask, trying to look confused. Carl rolled his eyes waving an officer over.

“Well Michael, now you have the right to remain silent, which I know you have a problem with. Officer Kent, make sure he’s read his rights, we don’t want any reason for him to get out of the charges.” Carl says, as the officer handcuffs me.

“I was only here because Kip was blackmailing me. He told me he wanted to get rid of anyone who got in the way of making Brian his. I was trying to protect Brian!” I yelled as they started dragging me to the car. “You bastard. You set me up!” I yelled at Kip.

“Mr Novotny, do yourself a favor and shut up.” Officer Kent tells me.

“I’m trying to tell you that I wasn’t the one who planned this, it was Kip and Lindsay. They were blackmailing me.” I tell him.

“What were they blackmailing you for?” Nick the fucker asks.

“To make Brian think it was me, when it was them.” I tell him, not being able to think of a reason.

“Yeah, that really sounds like a problem, since they are telling everyone it’s you. Not that it’s going to help any of you.” Carl tells me.

“I’m being railroaded.” I said, pointing to Nick. “HE would do anything to make me look like shit.”

“You do that without my help.” Nick tells me, walking away.

BRIAN

I sat in Alex’s office while everything was going on. It wasn’t that I didn’t think Michael deserved everything coming to him. It was that I stayed friends with him, even when I was hurting Justin.

“You wanted to see the good in Michael, nothing more. I doubt you wanted to hurt Justin, even if it did.” Alex tells me.

“He never let it show until this last year, that what I was doing was hurting us.” I tell him.

“Michael looks for weakness, something Justin knew.” He tells me.

“I wanted to believe he wasn’t like this.” I tell him.

“Do you now?” He asks.

“I see it all now. And know I’m one lucky son of a bitch that Justin stayed and was willing to work it out with me. As for Michael, he’s on his own. I don’t need him or Deb anymore, because my family won’t leave me.” I tell him.

“Just remember it. How about a drink?” He tells me.

“During therapy?” I ask.

“No, I just want to drink. After this, I’m going over to assess Michael. Carl wants to make sure this is locked up tight.” He tells me.

“Good luck. Deb, even knowing what Michael did, will want to find a reason for it.” I tell him.

“Does that bother you?” He asks as we walk out.

“For her, it does. She’ll drain her savings to save Michael. I can’t and won’t do anything about it, because it’s her choice.” I tell him.

GUS

The guys were packing up to leave. I overheard Nick telling Aunt Daphne that he’d be gone, but promised he’d be home as soon as possible. She nodded a lot, trying not to cry. But I could tell she wanted to. It wasn’t like I expected Al to stay after they finished, but I didn’t expect them to have to leave this soon. He’d been busy and I’d stayed out of the way, not wanting him to think I expected attention.

I went outside to watch Cameron play on his swing set, not ready to say goodbye. It wasn’t like I wouldn’t see Al again, or that he promised me anything. I needed time to deal with my feelings about what my mother did, and be there to help Jenny when she found out what Michael did. Al didn’t need my problems, not with him having to leave for something more important. 

“Cameron, Aunt Daphne’s making cookies.” Nick tells him, which was the magic word to Cameron. “We’ll watch him.” He tells me, as if he thought I needed time for myself.

I went upstairs to my room, a little bummed when I didn’t see Al anywhere. He probably had things that he needed to get done. When I opened my door, he was sitting there with a bag at his feet.

“I wanted to tell you goodbye without everyone around.” He tells me.

“Be safe, okay.” I tell him, staying at the door.

“As safe as I can be. You need to know the guys I work with are good, and our goal is coming home, no matter what it takes to do it.” He tells me.

“Is there some reason you think you need to tell me that?” I ask.

“So you don’t sit up at night worrying, the way Justin never wanted you to do for him.” He tells me.

“It won’t stop me from worrying about you… and Nick.” I tell him.

“I’ll be worried about you too.” He tells me, coming to me and pulling me into his arms. “I hate leaving you, but I don’t have a choice. I want to be here while you deal with what’s going on. Your mom’s being taken in, and from what I heard, she isn’t in as much trouble as Michael but she isn’t going to walk away either.” He tells me.

“What about the baby?” I ask.

“Emmett and Drew are working on that now. You need to concentrate on you.” He tells me, pulling back and putting his hands on my face.

“I wish I was ready.” I tell him.

“We’ll get there, we have time.” He tells me, kissing me. “Gus, I’ll be what you need, and when you’re ready, then I want to be what you want.” 

“Then do what you have to do, and I’ll do what I have to, so when it’s time, we’ll both be ready.” I tell him, picking up his bag and grabbing his hand to follow him to the car.

Aunt Daphne was downstairs with Cameron, hugging Nick, promising him she’d stay out of trouble. Justin and Dad came in, saying goodbye to everyone. Al and I waited for everyone to walk out, and I hugged him hard, wanting to remember his smell.

“I’ll be back. If you need me, tell Daphne. I want to be the one you talk to.” He tells me, grabbing his things and going out to get in the car.

Aunt Daphne came over and put her arm around me. “I trust them with Nick.” 

“How do you deal with him being gone?” I ask.

“It’s what I agreed to when I married him. If you want Al, you’ll have to deal with it too.” She tells me.

“They’re the best at what they do. No matter what I was doing, I knew they would come and do what they could to get me out.” Jus tells me.

“I owe them everything for that.” Dad tells him.

They were pulling out, and I stayed until the car was no longer in sight. I went in to find Cameron covered in flour, and for a minute my life was back to normal. I had so many things to worry about, but for right now they could wait, while my family was no longer being torn apart. Even though I knew my dad would be there, I didn’t want this moment ruined by things that would be there tomorrow. Plus, I wanted to be ready for Al when he came home.

BRIAN

Justin and l came to hear what Lindsay had to say. Gus wanted to know and we couldn’t let him be there on his own. Even knowing everything they planned, it was different hearing it from the person trying to ruin your life. For Gus, it was much worse, and he needed to know we were there if he needed someone to talk to. When we walked in Deb was sitting in front alone, crying. I didn’t go to her, but shielded Justin and Gus from her. I honestly wasn’t sure what she would do or say, and Justin didn’t need to hear her spewing venom at him for the bullshit Michael did to himself. Ryan kept her from coming over to me when she tried to get up. 

Carl allowed us to watch as Lindsay talked to the officer. Gus wrapped his arms around himself, not wanting to be touched, as Carl turned on the intercom. Justin ignored what Gus said and held him as Lindsay proceeded to blame everyone else, and tried to implicate Mel in the whole thing.

“Mel hated Brian and encouraged me to do anything I could to get Justin away from him. I only agreed because I didn’t want Justin to stay in a marriage like mine was with Mel. I didn’t plan to do anything but show Justin that he shouldn’t have stayed after everything Brian did.” She tells him, as her attorney kept telling her to stop. “I didn’t do anything wrong, I wasn’t the one who tried to get Justin hurt. That was all Michael and Kip. I protected not only Justin but Brian, by making sure Michael didn’t have Brian’s child. I understand that I might have been wrong to let the girl put the file under Brian’s name, but she’s the one who suggested it when I told her about why Michael wanted a child.” Her attorney just threw his pen down on the table and put up his hands, giving up on stopping Lindsay from pretty much admitting her guilt.

“What was your wife’s part in all this?” The DA asked, since it was apparent Lindsay was going to run her mouth.

“Her name is on the account I used to pay for the procedure for Sam. She practically put the idea in my head, by ranting to everyone we knew that Justin needed to see Brian for the man he is, so I did what she wanted. It’s what I did throughout our marriage, whatever she wanted. It didn’t matter that everyone told us moving to Canada wasn’t a good move, Mel demanded it in order for us to try to work out our marriage.” She tells him.

“Which doesn’t explain anything about exactly what you believe implicates your wife in what you were doing.” The DA asked.

“I told you, my role was to make sure she got what she wanted, which was for Justin to leave Brian.” She tells him.

“Okay, how about we move on to where Kip Thomas came into this. Why did you contact him?” He asks.

“Brian claimed and promised Justin he’d be faithful, but I doubted he could. Kip was someone who had apparently gotten past Brian’s one time only rule. So I figured if Brian cheated, I was only showing Justin the truth. If it was me I’d want to know, so I could move on with my life.” Lindsay tells him.

“He went to Mr Novotny for what reason?” He asks.

“He expected me to pay him, when I was doing him a favor. He’d get Brian; so why should I pay him when he benefited from what I was doing? Only they started talking about using Gus and Jenny, after Brian put that restraining order on Michael. Michael wanted to know where Brian was going to be, and planned to use Jenny to get Gus give them what they wanted. I couldn’t let them do that. Michael threatened to tell Brian and Justin what I tried to do with Kip, but was willing to keep silent as long as I helped him with the baby he planned.” She tells him.

“How did you help him, other than falsifying records and using Sam Auerbach?” He asks.

“I didn’t falsify the records, the girl who worked at the clinic did it.” She reminds him.

“So what did you pay her to do, if not falsifying the records?” He asks.

“Just to make sure Michael and the surrogate believed it was Brian’s.” She tells him.

“Was there a reason the surrogate needed to believe it was Brian’s?” He asks.

“It was a mistake on my part to use her, but at the time I was angry that Brian managed to convince Justin to take him back. I ran into Brian’s nephew, and he still believes Brian owes his mother and grandmother more than the money he sends, so I convinced him to let his girlfriend have the baby and we could make Brian support it the way he did Gus.” She tells him.

“I don’t want to hear anymore.” Gus tells us.

Neither did Justin or I. We walked out as Deb was sobbing to the detective in charge of Michael. I told Justin and Gus to go, I needed to hear her find an excuse for what Michael intended to do to Justin.

“I’m not here to say he didn’t do what he said, but give you some records about the last year. Even Brian would tell you we were both worried about him. He was so out of control when Ben died. Brian tried to convince me Michael needed more help than either of us could give him. When Brian stopped talking to Michael, I think he snapped. He needs help, not jail.” She tells him.

“Deb, if you want my help, you need to stop trying to find an excuse for Michael. He was willing to hire someone to kill Justin. He didn’t say exactly what he wanted, but when asked if he wanted Justin next to Ben, he said yes. We made sure Kip offered him a way out, and Michael didn’t take it.” Carl tells her.

“Carl, I’m not saying he doesn’t need to pay for what he tried to do. I know what he wanted to do is wrong, it’s just that I’m not sure Michael could distinguish right from wrong. I would have made him go to the clinic that Brian tried to get him to go to, but Brian was the only one who had the power to do it. If he hadn’t caved to Michael, we might not be here right now.” Deb tells him, turning to see who Carl was looking at. Cringing when she saw me.

“Let me know if you need anything from me or Justin.” I tell Carl, ignoring Deb when she tried to call me.

“She isn’t going to change overnight.” Ryan tells me.

“She might never change. Even if she does, it’s too late for me.” I tell him.

“I still want to try and see if we can help her, if not, she’s on her own.” Ryan tells me.

GUS

Mama wanted to explain to Jenny what we all kept from her. My dad and Jus dropped me off when I told them it might be easier on Jenny if it was just Hunter, Mama, and me. I walked in and Ethan was sitting in our kitchen with Cody. They decided to stay here instead of our house, saying this house had more room. Jus told him not to smother Mama. Ethan said he could always use more friends.

We sat with Jenny while she was told everything. Jenny didn’t take any of it well, yelling that she had a right to know too. Then yelled at me.

“You get everything again, while I have nothing.” 

“Jenny, Gus didn’t have anything to do with what other people did. People who didn’t think once about you, me, or anyone but themselves.” Hunter tells her.

“I don’t care, I lost Ben, and now Mom and Dad. All because Uncle Brian screwed up his marriage.” She tells us stomping out of the room.

“We shouldn’t have kept this from her.” Mama tells me.

I followed in Jenny’s angry footsteps and didn’t knock but walked straight in. She glared at me and turned her back.

“Why are you mad at me?” I ask.

“What if I end up like them?” She whispers.

“You’re nothing like Michael or Mom. Believe me, I spent a lot of time thinking the same thing, but only we get to decide who we are.” I tell her. 

“I still love them.” She tells me. 

“I still love Mom, but I can't be in her life.” I tell her. 

“Like Hunter, after Ben died. He couldn't find any reason to keep my dad and grandma in his life. Only, who do I have left?” She tells me. 

“Mama, me, and Hunter are still here. Hopefully you remember that.” I tell her.

“I didn’t mean it, it just hurts.” She tells me. 

I held her, but needed time to myself. Dr Turner gave me the ability to let others help, and it's why I left it to Mama and Hunter, while I gave myself time to deal with everything. I got home to Dad sleeping with Cameron, Jus cooking dinner, and just let myself be happy with what I had.

EMMETT

Just sitting in the same room as Brian’s sister and nephew, along with the girl who was carrying the baby, was enough to know why Brian didn’t have anything to do with any of them. Mel told Drew and I that we couldn’t do or say anything that made it sound like we were buying the baby from them or Sam. It’s why Ethan was offering everything. He refused to let us pay for anything, saying just knowing the kid wouldn’t be near them was enough for him. 

Sam pretty much told them he wasn’t in a position to give them what Ethan could. When they tried to demand more, Ethan asked to speak to the girl alone. Candace nodded, as if scared of saying anything in front of John or Claire. They left the room, not happy, but did it when the lawyer told them he only let them come because Candace said they could be here. He even seemed to get that there was something wrong with the way they tried to speak for her.

“What would you like to say to my client?” Her lawyer asked.

“If she wants my help, then it’s done without those two involved.” Ethan tells her.

“What happens if I say no?” She asks.

“Then you raise the kid and figure out how to support it. Looking to Sam wouldn’t help you, he tends to run to other countries when child support is due.” Ethan tells her.

“I never wanted the brats, and I don’t really plan to be bled for this one.” Sam tells her.

“If I agree to what you guys want, what happens?” She asks.

“We get you out of here. I have a place you can stay through your pregnancy. We can help you get back into school, college later, if you want. I’m not offering to finance your life, but help you get a better one that doesn’t include people who use your body for financial gain.” Ethan tells her.

“Once you agree, we can leave without John or Claire coming near you. I do need to make sure you understand that once the baby is born that’s it. You will not contact the parents or demand anything from them.” Mel tells her.

“Why do you want this baby? It’s not like you two couldn’t find another way.” She asks.

“We could, but all I thought the minute I knew about yours, was that this baby deserves to only know it was born so Drew and I could love it.” I tell her.

“What about you, is this just because he wants the baby?” She asks Drew.

“I’ve always wanted to be a father, and I don’t care how it happens. To me any child is a gift, and deserves a happy life. A life where even when they do something we don’t like, it doesn’t change that they can count on us to be there to help them through it.” Drew tells her.

“Even if they end up letting the wrong guy convince them to do stupid things?” She asks.

“Especially if she makes the mistake of thinking the wrong guy is the right one.” I tell her.

“I want them to have my baby.” She tells her lawyer.

“Better them than me.” Sam mutters.

BRIAN

Carl took our statement before we left town, and told us it would be a while, as the legal system never moves fast. Justin told me he could have made a few calls to get it to move faster, but taking care of me was what we were going to do first. He took Cameron and Gus with him to the beach house, while Daphne came with me for my next treatment. We stayed the weekend and decided to come back after the side effects receded. Gus only stayed until Sunday, then Drew and Emmett took him back for school. He’d been down about more than Lindsay. Even as open minded as I am, it wasn’t easy to realize my son was likely in love with Super Seal Al. Justin assured me that Al was someone he would trust with our son’s heart, if Gus chose to give it to him. 

We came back two weeks later, only because Gus had soccer game. Something I missed by being an idiot the last year. I managed to swallow enough pills to sit with Justin and Cameron and cheer Gus on. Gus’s team won by a landslide, with all of us cheering loudly for him. We celebrated at the house with his friends. After everyone left Gus went to his room. I went to find him, seeing if he wanted to stay with his friends this weekend, since they were planning a big celebration at the school. 

“I’d rather go with you guys.” He tells me.

“You could drive down after the party. I’m going to be sick, so it’s not like your going to miss anything new at the beach house. Don’t miss out on the things with your friends. Soon you’ll all be separating to start college.” I tell him.

“I was going to talk to Dr Turner about this, but maybe you’ll understand. Lately it seems like the things my friends want to do are just different that what I want to do.” He tells me.

Gus was still coming to me or Justin to talk, but the things that bothered or confused him, he kept for Dr Turner. We talked to her about it, and agreed not to press him, but to give him time to come to us when he was ready. 

“How?” I ask.

“Everything is about the next party, or scoring with the next guy or girl. It’s just, we’re about to enter the phase of our life where what we do will decide our futures. It’s like somewhere along the way, the things they like to do just don’t interest me.” He tells me.

“Is this about Al? You really don’t know him that well yet.” I tell him.

“I’ve felt like this for a while.” He tells me.

“Because I wasn’t here?” I ask.

“Maybe a little bit, but it wasn’t the only reason. I’ve always felt out of place with my friends. Not Luke or Terry, they’re like me; they don’t really get some of the stupid shit everyone else wants to do. The three of us end up keeping our other friends from doing things we’d get in trouble for. All I could do was think that I would be disappointing you and Justin, they were thinking ‘it’s just fun’. They want to go out and party, when I rather stay in most of the time. I still have fun with them, it’s just not really something I want to do all the time. When it’s just Luke and Terry, I don’t feel like everyone looks at me like there’s something wrong with me.” He tells me.

“Then invite them to hang out with you.” I tell him.

Gus, Luke, and Terry came Friday night, loaded down with junk food and a couple game systems. Drew helped them set up the den with a couple TV’s and Emmett took the junk food and mixed in real food for them. They were glued to the games all weekend, in between going outside and swimming at the beach with Cameron. Luke and Terry told me they liked spending time with Cameron too. 

Justin and I were still seeing Alex, but it was easier now that we were talking to each other. The anger from the beginning was gone, and it became more about day to day life. It wasn’t easy for me to let Justin take care of me, and I told him, instead of trying to hide it from him. I told him that when Nick came home and mentioned there was a problem with the intel they had and they were on standby until the got the right information, that I waited for him to tell me he was going to help them. In turn he admitted he almost said yes, but didn’t because we weren’t ready for him to be away from us. I worried that it was about what was going on with Michael and Lindsay. Justin assured me that would be the reason he would have volunteered. 

It wasn’t like Michael was going anywhere. He was facing other charges not related to me or Justin. He might have gotten away with it, but he must of thought he was safe telling the guy sharing his cell. He ranted to a guy in the cell with him about how Ted’s told him to report the fire to his insurance company, something normal to do when your house is damaged by a fire. He didn’t get what the big fucking deal was, telling the guy that he started the damn fire. His words were recorded by his cellmate. Michael felt Ted set him up, even though he did set the fire. His reasoning was he needed my attention, and used the method he always did before to get me to run to him, being a victim. Only, Ted was the one who turned up, since I was no longer willing to solve Michael’s problems for him. How Michael turned it into Ted siding with Justin will be a mystery to everyone but Michael.

We had to hold Blake back when he found out Michael blamed Ted for the insurance company looking into the fire and wanted Ted to pay for it. The other guy knew he could cut a deal for a reduced sentence by keeping Michael talking. Michael had been telling him his version of Justin stealing everything from him, and that he deserved what Michael wanted done to him. The guy told his lawyer what Michael was saying and in turn the lawyer went to the DA, who agreed to a deal if the guy wore a wire and got Michael to talk. They got Michael on tape, about Ted, and admitting the fire was set by Michael to get my attention. Michael even asked the guy if knew anyone who wanted to make some money, by doing what Kip couldn’t manage. 

I’d been home with Justin, Gus, and Cameron when Drew brought a pissed off Blake in the door. Emmett came in behind them, wide eyed. “Not a word until Cameron and I go see what Uncle Emmett brought for him to play with outside.” Drew tells Blake. “I don’t want to hear a word about the puppy, Cameron likes them.” Drew tells me and Justin.

“What kind of puppy?” Gus asks, running out behind Drew and Cameron.

“Brian, we were going to get him one anyway.” Justin tells me, thinking I was going to argue about it. “Now what is going on?” Justin asks Emmett and Blake.

“Big Bad, it’s a retriever and yes it is going to shed, but they love family and kids. Drew and I will take care of grooming and making sure it doesn’t leave anything you can kill us for. Now onto the excitement. Never underestimate a pissed off Blake.” Emmett told us, getting cut off by Blake.

“That fucker planned to do something to Ted. All because he set a fire in his kitchen to get Brian’s attention. I only wanted five minutes alone with the jackass.” Blake tells us.

“Where is Ted?” I ask.

“He’s likely making sure I get a separate cell from Michael, since I told him I’d find a way to be in the yard with Michael by next week. I already told him that Deb better not convince him to help.” Blake was proving he wasn’t the quiet sweet guy we all thought.

“Blake, he isn’t letting Deb drag him into this mess. Ted stayed behind to help Carl with Deb, and Mel with Lindsay.” Emmett tells us.

“Why is Mel helping Lindsay?” Justin asks.

“She wanted to make sure the police had everything they needed from her. Lindsay’s statement implicated Mel, not that the detective believes that, but Lindsay’s family hired her a new attorney. Mel didn’t want Lindsay to twist anything, and Ted wanted to support her. Which is all he planned to do, until Deb showed up, accusing everyone of trying to accuse Michael of even more. She, of course, isn’t willing to believe Michael was doing more than trying to keep from being hurt by the other guys sharing a cell with him. Which is when Drew had to pick Blake up and carry him out of the police station. Since he thought sharing a cell with Michael would be a perfect way to show Michael his thoughts on someone hurting Teddy. Carl wanted to take Ted’s statement, that was all he stayed for, and Blake knows that.” Emmett tells us.

“I know, but how can she still want to believe Michael isn’t responsible for what he does? How fucking blind can she be? Never mind, we all know first hand.” Blake said, flopping down on one of the sofas.

“As much as I get wanting to kick Michael’s ass, don’t give him anything to use, because he will.” Justin tells him.

“Can we talk about something else? I need to calm down and apologize to Ted after the drama I performed for everyone.” Blake tells us.

“You want to help us plan a party for Gus’s eighteenth?” I ask them.

“I forgot, can you believe it?” Emmett asks us, as if it was a crime for the party planner.

“You have your own baby to think about, so I’m sure Gus would understand. My mom suggested using her beach house in Florida, having everyone get away from here. Brian will be finished with his last treatment a week before, so it will be nice to get away after.” Justin tells him.

“We could do kind of what we did with Jenny, Gus never really wanted a wild crazy party.” Emmett tells us.

Ted showed up in the middle of the planning, and stopped Blake from apologizing by kissing him and joking that Blake was his hero. Mel came in and agreed that anywhere that wasn’t Pittsburgh sounded great to her. 

Justin and I were in bed when he brought up inviting Al, if he could make it. It wasn’t easy to say yes, but I did because Gus’s birthday should include everyone who loves my son. And Al looked at Gus the way I know I looked at Justin. 

GUS

When we all got to the beach house my dads went for a walk. Jus was letting my dad lean on him, while making it look like he wasn’t. We were all just happy the chemo was over, but knew it would be years before Dad was all clear. The prognosis was good, according to the doctor, but not a hundred percent. While everyone unpacked and unwound from the flight here, I sat at the window watching Jus and Dad. They were closer than they were before, and it was different than the way my moms were. They didn’t sling the past at each other, but were able to move on from it. I mentioned it to Mama, and she said it was because their love for each other eclipsed the bullshit. She smiled and said hopefully one day she and I would get the same thing.

I think that was really why Justin waited so long, because loving my dad was something he couldn’t stop doing. I asked my dad again why he let Michael cause him to almost lose Justin. 

“Michael didn’t cause it, I did. I made the choices that caused what happened between Justin and me. It’s a lesson I learned late in life, but one you need to carry with you through your life. Our choices, good or bad, are what cause the things that happen, and blaming other people is why your mom and Michael are in the trouble they’re in.” He tells me.

The Petersons tried to sweep what Mom did away, but no one was going to go against Jus or the mountains of information that was delivered to the DA. Al told me about what Justin did, and apparently the people he had worked for still looked out for him, even though he didn’t do anything for them now. Mom was given probation, but with the condition that she didn’t have any contact with Justin. Nana told me that while it seemed like she got off easy, having the art world closed her out was like a prison sentence for her. I agreed, since it was the reason all this started. She called me, wanting to have lunch together, only I told her it was too soon for me and I’d call her, not really sure I would. 

Michael got hit with the arson first, and the rest was coming. Hunter went to Deb when Ryan told him Deb wouldn’t talk to anyone. He found Deb watching QVC, crying that she was alone. Hunter didn’t coddle her, just told her to get off her ass and stop the pity party. That it was time to see what life was like without having to clean up after her son. She of course got defensive, trying to say if Michael had a father, it might have changed things. Hunter pointed out that he grew up with a mother who tried to sell his ass, and who the fuck knew who his father was, but he didn’t do the shit Michael did, so she could sit here alone or get her ass out there and see that there were people willing to be friends with her. She showed up at work and managed to get through a couple hours without saying something about Michael, then a day, and slowly longer. Ryan and his wife started inviting her out with them, and Deb was starting to get that she left her life waiting. Mama and Jenny visited too, and were trying to work on a relationship with her. Mama told me it was my dad who convinced her to at least try. Mama made it clear to Deb that Jenny needed to be loved because she was Jenny, not because she was Michael’s daughter. 

Emmett yelled for me to get my fanny to the kitchen, making me realize I’d been standing here for a while. I looked one more time at my dads, who really needed to stop trying to prove they had no problem with people watching them make out. Emmett had food everywhere, which was more about my dad, since he needed to gain weight. When they told me about this party I agreed, because everyone needed a reason to celebrate. Luke and Terry were coming tomorrow, saying they had something to do first, not telling me what. Drew mentioned that the family wanted to have a night together first. Nick and Daphne, who was really cranky since it was twins for her, came with us. I tried to hide my disappointment, not well apparently, since Nick told me his team was on drills, and he had used Daphne to get here. 

Al did send me an letter that I wasn’t allowed to open until tonight, not that it didn’t drive me insane to wait. He and I were skyping when he could, and it made it so we were learning about each other. Dr Turner and I talked about Al a lot. She questioned why I believed he was it for me. 

“If I’d never talked to him, I’d tell you it’s because he’s gorgeous. But after talking to him, he could be ugly and I wouldn’t care. The minute he walked into the house, it was like I no longer wanted to look at other people, just him. All the things that bothered me about my parents didn’t matter anymore, because the things that confused me stopped when he smiled at me. When we talked, he didn’t say my issues were insignificant. He risks his life and doesn’t see it as anything but his job. He reminds me of Jus in some ways.” I tell her.

“I’d normally tell you to be cautious given your age.” She tells me.  

“But?” I ask.

“You’ve matured through experience, and anytime I ask you to explain why or what, your answers show me you don’t jump into anything without thinking it through.” She tells me.

Jenny waved her hand in my face, when everyone was looking at me. I blew out the giant cupcake Emmett put in front of me. Turning red when everyone clapped and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ way off key. It felt like I was five all over again, but it was good to see everyone enjoying themselves, forgetting everything else.

“Sonny Boy, Jus, Mel, and I argued over this, but once again they agreed to my genius.” Dad tells me handing me an envelope.

“Since you decided to stay in Pittsburgh for college, we wanted to give you the option of where you live. If you want the whole living at the dorms, you can.” Mama tells me.

I opened up the envelope and in it was the deed to my dad’s loft, only it was in my name. “College dorms mean idiot roommates.” Dad tells me.

Before I could say anything or jump up and down over the idea of my own place, Nick handed me the letter I’d been saving for last.

“Open the letter.” Nick tells me, stopping me from following everyone out to the beach.

I tore it open. 

“Happy Birthday, your present from me is outside. Al”

Not really sure what could possibly be outside, I gave up and walked out, wishing my family wasn’t blocking the way. Then, wishing they were inside, or anywhere but here. Al was standing there, wearing fatigues and looking like he needed sleep. And the loft was now my second best present.

BRIAN

Justin and I got everyone to let Gus and Al have time alone. Granted, after a little time I sent Cameron out covered in the cupcake someone gave him. After coming in looking a little more rumpled than Al, Gus fussed over Al the way Justin does me. Justin dragged me away when Al and I tried to out snark each other, making everyone laugh.

With everything settling down, I wanted to talk to Justin about planning our future. A future that had looked bleak, but we managed to find a way not back, but forward. We were celebrating more than Gus this week. We were mending. Not ending our sessions with Alex to fix our problems, but using them to strengthen the love that was always there between us. 

I was glad the baby wasn’t ours, because while we’d never let a baby feel unwanted, eventually the truth would have come out. Too many people knew about what Michael and Lindsay had done. With Drew and Emmett adopting the baby privately, the only people who knew the truth couldn’t talk about it. My sister and John mistakenly believed that Ethan was adopting the baby, and since he didn’t live here, Claire and John would never know the truth. 

“What are you thinking about?” Justin asks, half asleep.

“Having a daughter.” I tell him.

“With your eyes, hopefully.” He tells me, pretty much agreeing to it.

BRIAN

Watching Emmett and Drew fall in love with their daughter made me wish the new baby was already here. Emmett named her Samantha, saying Sam would never be her father, but he had given he and Drew their daughter. Drew told us there would never be a shortening of her name, regardless of Emmett’s sentimentally crazy ideas. Cameron was jealous that he was now sharing all his people with the baby, but Drew and Emmett made sure he knew they still loved him. Which I explained did not include any more animals that seem to think my spring collection was a rag to shred. Cameron saved Monty, just by batting his baby blues at me. I was a slave to my kids. Justin rewarded my patience later that night, and again the next morning when a delivery driver showed up with replacements for everything Monty almost died for.

We’d all gotten through Michael finally facing the charges for what he tried to do to Justin. Then Lindsay learned she wasn’t getting off as easy as she thought she was. Instead, the judge, who wasn’t interested in what she claimed she didn’t know, told her she set the stage and therefore aided and abetted Michael and Kip. She didn’t receive probation, but instead got two years, with the possibility of parole in a year. It was interesting how the judge decided Michael’s and Kip’s sentences. Although Kip’s wasn’t as harsh, he wasn’t walking away, regardless of his help. Michael already had a five year sentence, for arson. The judge tacked on the full sentence he could give, twenty-five years, since it was the most he could give Michael for conspiracy to commit a felony. We left the courtroom after testifying, I didn’t like Justin having to be near Michael or Lindsay for any length of time. When the sentencing was being held, we had other plans, but we put them on hold until this was over.

My life without Deb or Michael, while different, was better. The kid who had depended on them was no longer a part of the man my husband loved enough not to give up on. After everything was over, I didn’t feel the way I did the first time. Justin and I talked about everything without it feeling like we had to be careful about what we said. 

Mel took us up on our offer to watch Jenny when she wanted to have a night out, and Hunter was busy with school. She told us she wasn’t ready to run back into a relationship, and decided to let the old Mel out. She was the queen of Ladies Night at Babylon, which she enjoyed for a while. Her old girlfriend came to town, offering to help Mel celebrate her escape from burb hell. Gus liked Leda, but Jenny wasn’t ready for Mel to bring someone else into her life. 

Jenny spent time with Dr Turner to work through her anger at losing her mother, but not Michael. Mel and Dr Turner agreed she needed to know everything, because Jenny was including Deb in her life. Deb’s version and the real one could sometimes get blurred. Deb wasn’t defending what Michael did, and didn’t say anything in front of Jenny. It was just better Jenny knew what happened, in case Deb reverted. Something she did now and then, according to Hunter and Ryan.

Nick, while not understanding Deb, did understand after his sons were born that sometimes you can’t be rational when it comes how you love your kids. Nico and Grant turned Nick the Super Seal into Pushover Dad the minute they came screaming out of a screaming Daphne. Sailors had nothing on her. 

Ted and Blake showed up more often than not with Max in tow. His brother Jason finished getting his GED and Ryan helped him get started on college, which meant less time to be a father and brother to Max. Ted suggested letting them take over guardianship of Max, so Jason could concentrate on getting his degree and he agreed. Ted told Justin they really didn’t see having kids but Max grew on them. They moved into a house not far from ours and Max would show up here, saying Cameron didn’t care where he came from. Which made it easier on Gus, because he was going to move into the loft when summer was over. Max was in awe of Gus, not that my son noticed, since Super Seal was still who Gus wanted. Gus and Hunter did make a point of including Max when Luke and Terry wanted to do game weekends. 

Justin and I agreed not to find out the sex of the baby, knowing that it really didn’t matter to us. While a daughter was always in the back of my mind, a son wouldn’t be any less wanted. We used the same egg donor as we had used for Cameron because even though this one would be from my samples, chemo didn’t spare me on that, we wanted the kids to be related to each other. Emmett and Drew brought Samantha around to help Cameron in dealing with having a baby around, since he was used to being the only baby in the family. Cameron took a while to come around, but eventually decided they were friends when Samantha giggled and cooed anytime Cameron looked at her. 

When we left to bring the new baby home, Gus stayed with Cameron. He told us he and Cameron needed some brother time before they had to share each other with the new one. At the hospital Jen was waiting with Molly and Daphne for us to bring out the baby they could only watch through the nursery window. The minute I laid eyes on the future heartbreaker, I smirked. Because like I said, a daughter. 

Justin and I debated names for either boy or girl. While I had a few for boys, I really stuck to girl names. Justin and I both agreed on one for each, Gavin for a boy and Anna Marie for a girl. The names we picked only had one requirement, it wasn’t picked to honor anyone. Anna barely made a noise when I picked her up, just sniffled before staying asleep. Mel handled signing off on everything for us, since neither of us could pay attention, other than to sign her into our lives. Jen managed to convince Justin and me that she’d return Anna to us, but would like to see her granddaughter too. Anna had the women wrapped around her fingers in seconds, Gus even faster. We waited for Cameron to come on his own to see her. It wasn’t until we had to put her down for a nap that Cameron finally decided to check her over. 

Justin and I snuck to the door, when we heard Cameron talking to her.

“Gussy says we have to love you lots. I thoughts about it, and yous can share my toys.” He tells Anna, who was sleeping through his gracious offer.

“I think your toys are safe for now.” I tell Cameron.

“Maybe if we get her a kitten, cause Monty doesn’t get girls.” Cameron tells us, showing he was still limited in what he would share.

“A kitten?” I tried not to cringe.

“Monty likes the one Max got.” Cameron tells me.

“Only Monty?” Justin asks, smiling.

“Daddy would like the one with patches.” Cameron tells me. Making me see why Drew never could say no to him, when my son stared straight into my eyes with his pleading blue eyes.

“Daddy would?” I ask.

Nodding his head at Justin, I knew we were getting a kitten for Anna, at least that was Cameron's argument for the next week. Gus of course, just showed up with it. Al, always prepared to aggravate me, handed me the kitty litter and pan. I handed it back and told him Justin and I needed to discuss names for a few hours. While Cameron worked Al into being one of his followers, I went to find Justin, who had been upstairs with Anna.

Justin was in bed, sleeping like the dead. Standing in the doorway, I remembered standing at the bedroom door, seeing Michael in the bed and knowing I’d screwed up for the last time with Justin. If I could have done it over, it would have started by making sure Justin and everyone else knew exactly where this man that I love with my whole heart stood from the beginning. I resigned myself to a nap, only to find out Justin had other plans. By the time we managed to get back downstairs, Justin managed to make the idea of a cat not sound so bad when he promised to blow me if the kitten left fur on my clothes. Kitty was getting locked in my closet once a day.

I let him go because Anna called for someone to pay attention to her. I sat with our daughter, telling her the story of Justin and me, and how, in the end through all the roadblocks, we managed to choose each other, and it led us to her.