Character Nicknamed by Vic unless specified

Brian Kinney: Desperado

Justin Taylor: Eagle

Chyna: Porcelain

Cynthia: Flaxen

Daphne: Cloud

Emmett: Dream, Tangerine Dream by Brian, Tight End by Chyna

Ted: Brown Eyes

Michael: Pinchpenny

David: Basillick

Drew: Quarterback by Chyna

CHAPTER 1 - HERE COMES THE NOISE

LIBERTY AVENUE DINER - EARLY SATURDAY MORNING

DEBS

It’s the roar that gets my attention. A low but very rich hum of a motorbike. I turn around and at first, see nothing. But then I spot the figure, coming through the dusk astride a kick-ass customised motorbike. He’s going slowly as if casing out the neighborhood, looking at each establishment. When he pulls up to the diner, he just stares at it for a few minutes before nodding his head and continuing on his way.

“Hmm.” I say to myself, and then almost scream the place down as I am tapped on the arm. I immediately swing my bag!

“Ouch! For fuck sake, Ma!” Michael screeches and clutches the side of his shoulder.

“What the fuck are you doing up so fucking early?” I bellow, and will my heart rate to slow down. Once I get a bit calmer, I unlock the door and let us in.

“I’m not up. I’m going home!” He explains and slides into the booth at the back. “Is Uncle Vic still mad?”

“Yes, Michael, he’s still mad. You can’t say you don’t have any money to pay rent, but then pull out a very expensive clubbing outfit!”

“I don’t see what the problem is.  I needed that outfit, and it’s not as if he’s not going to get the money…” He pauses and looks cow eyed at me. “...I mean, if you pay him and then I…”

“Won’t pay her back as per usual!” Vic’s angry voice makes us both jump as he comes out of the back.

“Vic…”

“You will work today!” Vic barks out as he starts to open up.

“Of course, I’m going to work today!” I bluster furiously.

“Not you...you!” He glares at his nephew. “You will work the shift and I will supervise from where you are currently seated. Now get your ass up and let me show you again how this is done!”

“But…”

“Or you can move out and get one of your very many friends to put up with your antics. But remember, those friends won’t stand for your lack of rent, do your laundry, make your bed, tidy your room or feed you for free in a diner that their brother owns!” He turns to face me. “He no longer eats for free. He pays like everyone else! Do I have your word?”

“Unc…”

“Do I have your word, Debs?!”

I can feel both sets of eyes boring into me, but I have to put the most important man first.

“You have my word, Vic.” I sigh, and wince at the grumbling emanating from the booth.

“Now get your ass home, Sis.” He orders and then turns to Michael. “And you get your ass up!”

“Can’t I do the shift tomorrow instead? It’s quieter.”

“You can either do today or today and tomorrow. Your choice.” He returns and then waves at Kiki as she bustles in. “What’s the buzz?” He calls out.

“Britin has been sold!” She calls out as she takes off her coat and then holds up her hand. “I know you already know that, but the new owner is moving in this weekend. And I just heard that he’s going to have a neighbor, because the mansion opposite the Opera House has sold too!”

“Fuck me!” I sit back down. “For Britin to go okay, but for both... Just wow!”

“You old romantic, Debs!” Vic laughs.

“What?! Oh come on, I know it’s a myth but you can’t deny that everytime a single person moves into one of them, they find their true love!”

“Ma, this sounds great! Tell me more…” Michael starts to make his way back to the booth. “Ow! Uncle Vic! Let go of my ear!”

“You are working. Now work! Start with the coffee. Oh and don’t even think of making it putrid. Hungover people will eat and drink anything, but I will not have my customers subjected to horrible coffee simply because you're throwing a tantrum!” They lock gazes, but I know that this is a battle that Michael will never win.

BRITIN - THREE HOURS LATER

DRIVEWAY

CYNTHIA

I have worked for Brian Kinney for almost all of my career. I love the guy, and I know his heart got broken when Adam cheated on him, but to buy this place in the middle of bumfuck nowhere is a bit extreme. But extreme or not, it is beautiful.

“Hey, bestie!” He trills as he opens the front door.

“It’s the asscrack of dawn! Why am I here?” I demand, grabbing my case and planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Stopping me from calling him back.” He replies quietly.

I sigh and put the case down to look at my best and most darling of friends. In business, he is a complete rampaging savage. He gets what he wants, how he wants, when he wants. But in his personal life, he’s as cautious as a newborn mouse. “He cheated on you and was completely unconcerned and remorseless until he found out about this place. Now he can’t stop apologising; he doesn't deserve another moment of thought!”

“I know, but…”

“You found him. You will find someone much better!  Someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated” I assert. “So how many rooms…” I smirk. “...for your metal babies?” He beams at me like a child at Christmas. “Okay, what did you buy?” He grabs my hand and pulls me outside and I stare at it.

“I rode all the way down here and it was awesome!” He takes a big breath. “And I bought something else and you must be super quiet and not, I repeat, not, do what you do.”

“You can’t show them to me and not expect me to do what I do!” I hunker down and look at two of the most adorable puppies I have ever seen! “What are they called?”

“The one on the left is Shadow and the right is Silver.” At the mention of their names, there’s a sleepy thumping but they don’t wake up.

“Come on. First we have…” He looks at his watch and nods. “...a Beam, and you tell me about this hometown of yours and how you convinced me that Ted Schmidt should be my CFO?”

I grin, pleased that he’s got his business head on. If it was down to me, Adam would be stapled naked to the underside of a plane going to Alaska!

LIBERTY AVENUE DINER - EARLY AFTERNOON

EMMETT

My everything hurts! One Cosmo and home, that’s what I said! But then Ted came in grinning harder than he’s been for a long time. He finally got the job offer from Kinnetic, just like I said he would! It was a six times interview process, the last one being a call with the President and CEO, the one and only Brian Kinney. And hubba-hubba, that man is fine! But a total top and me being a nelly-bottom, he would be way too much for me! As I hone in on the booth, I just wish to sit and lay my head down on a nice cool, and please God clean, surface.

“Busy night?” I turn my head and frown at Vic and sit up. “Michael, some water and Advil, please.”

“Michael?” I look around and see Michael, scowling while wearing an apron and carrying a slop bucket. “I’m going to go with rent?”

“Today is for rent. Tomorrow is for sassing his mother.” Vic replies as Michael comes to the booth and puts the glass down in front of him. “And that is for Emmett, not me.” He tells him, as I reach for it.

“Wait, Emmett.” Michael stops me. “I just noticed the glass is dirty. Let me get you another one. Here’s the Advil though.” He takes it back and Vic chuckles.

“And next Saturday is for that glass!” He calls out to his retreating back. He doesn’t say a word when he returns to the table with a sparkly clean glass. I inhale the water and the Advil in seconds, and wait for it to kick in. “Charlie!” Vic bellows and I glare at him. “Sorry Ems.” He squeezes my arm and Charlie pokes his head out. “A hang...wait is Ted coming and how bad?”

“Yes and bad.”

“Two hangover specials please.”

And like serendipity, an extremely tired and hungover Ted slides into the booth. “Not one word.” He groans. “Debs, can I have water and Advil please!” He holds his head as he shouts above the din over the diner.

“No Debs. Try saying Michael.” Vic chuckles and Ted smirks then looks around.

“Oh, Michael! Michael! Could you be a dear and get me some still water from an unopened bottle and some Advil please?” Michael jerks his head in response and stalks to the fridge and I try not to cackle as Ted sinks onto the table.

“He’s coming back!” Vic hisses and immediately Ted’s head is up.

“Thank you, Michael.” He smiles and I shake my head.

TED

I feel rougher than a badger’s tongue covered with razor wire! I slide gingerly towards the wall, almost whimpering with relief when I finally can lean against a solid object. I watch Michael, one of Emmett’s dearest friends, walk around like he’s going to his execution. I have to admit that I don’t actually like Michael one little bit. I find him immature and arrogant, a deadly combination in normal folk but add momma’s boy to the mix then you have a whole host of trouble for him. But, as always, either Emmett or Debs comes to his rescue.

“So when do we get to meet your illustrious boss?” Vic asks.

“We don’t.” I mumble. “And we are not talking until the Advil and food kick in.”

“I concur.” Ems replies and rests against Vic’s shoulder.

BRITIN - THREE DAYS LATER, EVENING

BRIAN

As I go around switching the lights off and locking up, I am so pleased I bought this place. The peace, the space, the everything is just perfect. I know what Cynthia says about the dogs not being allowed upstairs, but it’s not as if I am letting anyone in my bed nor my heart for a very long time, if ever at all.

EARLY DAWN, NEXT DAY

BRIAN

“What in great fucking hell is that noise?!” I shout as the sound of a thousand cats being strangled and gutted jolts me out of sleep and onto the floor. I untangle myself from the covers and puppies and stalk to the window, flinging it open, I wait for a pause in the caterwauling.

“STOP MAKING THAT FUCKING NOISE!” I bellow as loud as I can, and wait for the blissful silence to continue. When it finally does, I head back to bed.

“THAT FUCKING NOISE GOT ME THIS MANSION, SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING EARPLUGS, YOU NEANDERTHAL!” A voice screams back.

OPERA MANSION, ROOFTOP

JUSTIN

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Daph shouts at me and snatches away my bow.

“Give me that! I need to practice!”

“NOT AT THIS GODFORFUCKINGSAKEN TIME IN THE MORNING, YOU DON’T! GET YOUR ASS INSIDE! IT’S TOO EARLY AND TOO COLD!” She shrieks and I wince. I forgot how loud she can get.

“DO AS YOUR MOMMY TELLS YOU!” The voice shouts, clearly mocking me.

“FUCK YOU!” I yell back.

“ONLY IN MY NIGHTMARES!”

“Not another word!” Daph snarls at me before turning to the open space. “SORRY ABOUT THAT! HE’S AN IDIOT!”

“I KNOW THAT, BUT THANKS FOR APOLOGIZING ON THE IDIOT'S BEHALF.”

“I’M NOT SORRY!” I bellow.

“YES YOU ARE, BUT NOT IN THE WAY SHE MEANS!”

“NOW...okay-okay-okay!” I focus on her and the fact she’s going to drop my cello off the roof.

“Inside now!” She growls and I stomp down the stairs and vow to call her bluff the next time.

CHAPTER 2 - THIS IS THE SOUND OF SILENCE

LOUNGE

JUSTIN

I glare at the door and wait for her to come downstairs. I groan as I hear the sound of the cabinet being closed and even worse, locked...yeah, I fucked up!

“What the hell?!” She shouts as she comes down the corridor. “Were you thinking playing at this time in the morning?!”

“I just had a tune in my head and I wanted…”

“To fuck off your neighbour!” She glares at me and I know better than to contradict her at this point. A tired and cranky Daphne gets violent. “Now go the fuck to bed and sleep!”

“I can’t sleep because of that fucking tune in my head!” I point out as calmly as I can.

She snatches up the remote control and turns on the TV, finding the classic music channel. I reach for my headphones and hand them to her. She almost knocks the TV through the wall as she connects them and then flounces out without a word.

“Sorry, Daph.” I whisper, feeling upset that I have made my best friend mad. I close my eyes and let the music take me when I feel a thump on the sofa, a duvet is thrown over me and a head rests on my shoulder.

“So why pick this particular mansion out of the many in the world that were available? And when you could have chosen to move to any city, why come here?” Daph asks quietly.

“To be honest, I don’t know. It just felt the right thing to do. Though I am slightly regretting it now because of my Neanderthal of a neighbour.”

“It is 3:45am. He’s not a Neanderthal; he was asleep!”

“Okay.” I yawn and burrow down under the duvet and soon fall back to sleep.

BRITIN - THREE HOURS LATER

DAPH

Wow, this is beautiful! It’s like Justin’s, but not. I knock on the door and hear the sound of barking followed by a laugh before the door is opened by a bare chested, tousled haired GOD!

“Are you lost?” He asks, holding an adorable puppy to his chest, who I want to be so badly!

“Nkksd!” I blather.

“Is that Romulan for yes or no?” He frowns.

“Sorry! Uh Daphne!”

“Who is lost or not?” He sighs impatiently.

“Not lost, just coming to say sorry officially.” I finally get my brain and mouth to connect. “For the idiot across the way. It was a cello.”

He continues to frown for a few minutes before realisation hits him. “Oh, you’re mommy. Who’s the child?”

Even though I should be insulted on my best friend’s behalf, I can’t help the smile. “Justin. He sometimes gets an earworm that only he can hear. He’s a musician, you see. And you two are?”

“I see. Shadow and Brian. Silver is around here somewhere.” I nod. “Thanks for apologising. I just moved here for the peace and quiet and it was a bit of a surprise.”

“I will let you carry on looking gorgeous and…” I trail off, mortified. “...going now! Just going now!”

OPERA HOUSE - SAME TIME

CYNTHIA

Man, this is wonderful! I just love the creamy colour of the building. It’s the same as Brian’s, but that’s where the similarities end.

I knock on the door and wait and wait and wait. Okay, so I tried and am about to leave when the door opens and a very sleepy, but utterly beautiful young man is at the door.

“Hello. You okay?”

“Uh yes, I’m Cynthia. I’ve come on behalf, not that he knows, of the Neanderthal.”

“Neanderthal?” He mumbles as he leans against the door.

“Okay, who are you and where’s the kitchen?” I demand and stride in.

“To your right.” He mutters as he shuts the door and just trails after me.

When I get to the kitchen, I note the same coffee machine as Brian has and heave an internal sigh of relief. “How strong in the morning?”

“Intense.” He replies and sits down, putting his head on the table. I rifle through cupboards and find a suitable cup. Soon, I am pushing it towards him and waiting for him to come back to life. It takes a few minutes for the snuffling to stop and he sits up. He’s like a coffee seeking missile as he picks up the cup and takes half of it down. “Oh, that’s so good! When did you learn to…” He opens his eyes and then stares at me. “...you are not Daphne.”

“Nope. Cynthia, introduced myself earlier. Still waiting to know who you are.”

“Well since murderers and burglars don’t tend to make you coffee, and since I allowed you to come in, I guess it's safe to answer that.  I’m Justin.”

“Nice to meet you. I’ll let you finish the other half.” He nods and takes the rest of it and then waves the cup at me and I raise an eyebrow...nobody waves at me.

“Please.” He blinks owlishly at me.

“Much better. I’m going to blame you playing at bumfuckoclock for your temporary blip in manners.” I find his snort adorable. “So what was it?”

“A cello.”

I pause as I come back to the table and stare at this sleep rumpled being. Holy fuck, that is Justin Taylor, the world renowned cellist! I put the coffee down and wrestle my fangirl back down. “I see. Well Brian isn’t normally so rude, but he bought it for the peace and quiet and…”

“The Neanderthal?” He interrupts.

“Yep. And...oh dear God, who are they?” I gasp as I spot a basket of gorgeous fur.

“Cantata and Sonata. And they are monsters.”

“Why and what are they?”

He looks embarrassed. “I didn’t quite do my research and didn’t realise how much work Savannahs are. They have gotten into everything!”

“This is a beautiful place. Just you, Justin?”

“No, I live here with my best friend, Daphne. How do you know the Neanderthal man?”

“Brian is my best friend and boss but no, I don’t live with him. Just making sure he didn’t do something stupid.”

He frowns, but I shake my head and he nods slowly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have played that early.”

“I shall pass them on. I’m going to go now. What coffee does Daphne like?”

“Sumatran.” He smiles and rubs his eyes.

“Okay, I have set that up for both of you. Go back to bed after I leave.”

He just nods and follows me out. I wait for the click of the door being locked before heading back to Britin.

KINNETIC - THREE DAYS LATER

BRIAN’S OFFICE

BRIAN

And yet again, she’s not let me down. Ted Schmidt is a good guy. I mean, on paper he can do the job. But doing the job and taking my shit at the same time are two totally different things. I was a shit to him in the beginning of the meeting and he let me know exactly how far I could take that.

“Okay, do you know your way around town, Ted?”

“Yes, where do you need to know?”

“Food. Dancing. Gym. Booze.”

“Not necessarily in that order.” Cynthia laughs.

“Well let’s start with food. There’s a diner on Liberty Avenue that…”

“Oh yeah, I saw that. What’s it like?”

“Food is good. They do a good turkey and avocado.”

“Liberty Avenue, I know it. So turkey and avocado for you, Brian. Ted?”

“Just say to Debs: Can you give me Ted’s usual.”

“Okay. Won’t be long.”

LIBERTY AVENUE DINER

VIC

Debs is still pouting that I made her poor widdle boy work on Sunday. But tough shit! She might not want to discipline him, but I have no such problem. I watch her work her room as usual and head back to the office.

“Excuse me, but I’m looking for Debs?”

“And you are?”

“Cynthia!” I whirl around and gape at her.

“Vic? Vic?!” She screams and runs towards me. I brace for impact and hug the daughter of one of my best friends.

“When in the fuck did you get back?” I demand, dragging her back to the office and shutting the door on the inherent nosiness that is my sister.

“A month or so ago. Needed to set up a new branch of Kinnetic.” She is just staring at me. “I can’t believe you’re back here!”

“Only the last five years. After Rodney…”

“I still miss him.” She sighs.

“I don’t...I mean, I’m sorry he died, obviously, but he told me to live my life and not dwell on him. And he taught me how to love perfectly imperfectly.”

“You two were the perfect example of how opposites attract.”

“We were. So where are you living?”

“Shadyside.  But Brian has bought Britin.”

“You know the guy who bought that place?”

“Yes. Now there is one guy that I just wish someone could love like you and Rodney did. He just needs the right guy.”

“How broken is his heart?”

“To dust, buried in Davy Jones’s Locker. That fucker!” She snarls before looking at her watch. “Oh fuck, I need to order and then get back.” She rifles in her purse and pulls out a business card. “Call me on my cell and we will meet up properly. You promise?!”

“I promise! Now get going!”

E’S HOUSE OF DELIGHT - AN HOUR LATER

DAPHNE

I look at the gorgeous samples of food. “So you can do a weekly food order?”

“Of course I can, darling!” Emmett tells me.

“Hi, Ems!” A voice calls and I turn around to find a twinkly eyed gentleman coming towards us.

“Vic, this is Daph. She has moved into the Opera House.”

“Oh, you have?” He looks disappointed, and I am slightly annoyed. “Oh sorry, Daph. It’s just that there is a myth and an urban legend that the people who inhabit the Opera House and the place opposite, called Britin, find the love of their lives while living there and I had hoped…”

“With Justin, who is my best friend and has never loved anyone. So here’s hoping this legend becomes a reality.”

“Never?” Emmett and Vic say at the same time.

“No. Complete workaholic. Never has any fun. Nothing.”

“Really? And does he fly our flag?”

“Vic!” Emmett gasps.

“Yeah, he’s out and proud is our Justin.”

“Is he indeed? So what are we doing?” Vic turns back to Emmett.

“Just set up a weekly food order for Daphne.”

“Really, have we indeed?”

“Now Daph, you said he has a sweet tooth. How sweet is sweet?” He asks and leads her to the pastry counter.

Hmm, so we have a man whose heart has been broken and someone who has never loved...well let’s see what we can do about that, shall we?

CHAPTER 3 - CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE - TWO WEEKS LATER, LATE AFTERNOON

VIC

I smile as I drive up to Britin. I have been charged with getting the final yes from a one Brian Kinney. I met up with Cynthia that very evening and I can’t believe it’s the same one who hired Ted. I like Ted. He has the same mentality and tolerance towards Michael that I have. Zero! As I pull up, I pause as I hear the most beautiful music. I get so lost in it that I don’t hear the door open.

“Dvorak cello concerto.” A rich voice interrupts my reverie. “Took me three days to find out what the fucking thing was and I was damned if I was going to ask him. You have got to be Vic. I’m Brian. Cynthia said you would be coming over. Sorry it’s taken so long for us to meet up, but had to go to New York and then California.”

“Yes, I know.” I take his hand and after shaking it, he gestures me in. “Ted was most surprised to be pulled into the melee so quickly.”

“He handled it well though. So…” He continues to talk over his shoulder as we proceed, I assume, to the kitchen. “...what do you have to convince me to use your services?”

“Ah, now that...Well take a seat, Mr Kinney and let me show you what we can do…”

Ten minutes later, he is chewing quietly and perusing the menu. “Okay definitely no desserts, especially not the cupcakes. Um, lots of salads, very lean meats. I can do one treat a month, so that can be of your choice. Food delivery once a week for a trial period of a month and a three month rolling contract, if I am happy.”

OPERA HOUSE - SAME TIME

EMMETT

I let myself in and listen to Justin playing on the roof. I have yet to meet this man, but if he looks anywhere close to the way he plays, well then…! As I put the food in the fridge and cupboard, I can’t help but sway along to the music and I am quite disappointed when it finishes.

BRITIN

VIC

“Elgar.” Brian mutters. “Please be Elgar.”

I watch him listen and then smile before going back to the contract.

OPERA HOUSE

EMMETT

“Now that is one hell of a machine. I love it. Needs a clean though.” I make sure the fridge is closed properly and leave the note as per normal, but that machine being mucky is bothering me. No, can’t leave it! Twenty minutes later, it is pristine and judging by the pods that were jammed in there, Intense is a favourite. I set it up and then scream the place down.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph! You scared the shit out of me!” I shriek, clutching my heart and the counter as I notice someone behind me.

“Hi, sorry.” The slightly rumpled figure blinks at me. “We finally meet. I’m Justin and you have got to be Emmett.”

“Yes. That’s right.” I wait for the hammering to settle before taking his hand.

“And I love you more than life itself and my cello. You fixed my machine!” He cries in delight and puts down his bow. “Need coffee bad.”

“You had a pod jammed in there.” I say and then look at him properly. Holy mother of God, he is beautiful! And that butt...oh momma!

“So will you?”

“Oh yes, absolutely.” I reply and then pull myself out of the thought of having him squirm as I rim him. “Wait, will I what?”

“Let yourself out. I need to practise some more.” Justin grins as if he has read my mind and flashes a smile. I blush to the roof of my car!

“Yes, well I’ll be going then!” I babble and almost leave by the window!

“Bye, Emmett!” He calls out as he heads back up to the roof with a large mug in his hand.

BRITIN

VIC

He’s frowning and looking at his watch. As if he’s waiting for something. “You okay, Brian?”

“Yeah, just...never mind...so where do I sign?”

“Here. Here and here.” I point out and then the music starts again.

“Bach.” He almost seems to let out a breath of relief.

“Back where?” I query.

“Huh? Oh nothing. Right, so there you go. Look forward to meeting your partner. It takes a lot to impress me.”

“Oh he will impress you alright. Thank you for seeing me, Brian. I shall leave you to your day.”

“Thanks, Vic.” He smiles and then looks into the distance with a soft smile.

Oh by the time I am done with you, Mr Kinney, you are going to be smiling bigger and longer than that. So much more!

MICHAEL’S APARTMENT - EVENING

MICHAEL

We are going dancing and drinking tonight. I have finally been let off diner duty. Uncle Vic can be such an unreasonable fucking grouch sometimes. It’s not as if I won’t be paying her back...well, eventually!

“Michael! Emmett is here!” Ma calls up as I pull on my shirt.

“Five minutes!” I call back down and pray that Ted is not with him. He’s annoying, always looking at me as if I am doing something wrong!

“One minute!” Emmett calls back up. “Ted is already lining them up!”

I sigh and pull on my jacket. At least, I’ll get drinks out of him, so that’s something!

BABYLON, AN HOUR LATER

As we make our way through the crowd, I can just imagine the face on Ted when we meet up with him, he hates waiting. But instead of a face, he’s talking to a God!

“Who the fuck is that?!” I whisper to Emmett.

“I do believe that would be his boss.” He replies.

“That’s his boss? I would break the no fucking policy with him in no time flat!”

“Not a chance in hell!” Emmett scoffs as we get closer. “Like me, he would be too much for you. Way too much!”

“No, he wouldn’t! I could get him if I want him.”

“Michael, you are one of my dearest friends, and I love you in a purely non-sexual-ever way. I do not have deluded friends so don’t make me think that I have one now.” He finishes that sentence just as we get to Ted. “Now Teddy, please make the formal introductions.”

Ted snorts and shakes his head. For once, he and I are in agreement: that truly is a shocking outfit that Emmett is wearing.

“So, who’s the tangerine dream?” Ted’s boss looks Emmett up and down.

“Emmett Honeycutt, total nelly bottom.” He grins and I gape.

“Brian Kinney, total ultimate top.” He replies with a smirk.

“Emmett!” I gasp. “Sorry about that! I’m Michael and…”

“He’s mine.” Brian growls and with a nod, he follows the guy he just locked eyes with to the backroom. “Look after my drink, Ted. I won’t be long.”

“Sure thing, Bri.” Ted moves the drink closer to him. “So what kept you?”

“Had to wait for Michael to…”

“Dress like me on casual day?” He snickers.

“At least, I’m not dressed like a fruit!” I look pointedly at Emmett, who is scanning the room sipping his Cosmo.

“Uh huh. But even dressed as a fruit, he’s had more admiring glances in ten minutes than you’ve had in the whole year I should imagine.”

Before I can say anything, Brian comes back.

“Good?” Ted asks.

“Okay, took the edge off.” He takes his drink and clinks glasses with Emmett while I stand there fiddling with my beer. “So tangerine dream seen the man of your night?”

“Hmm? Oh, I did earlier. Had a bubble to die for.”

“I do like a bubble.” He smirks.

“Don’t we all, honey? Don’t we all. Okay, they are playing our song! Come on, Mr Ultimate. Let’s see what you got!” He nods and then drains his glass before following Emmett on the dance floor.

“This should be fun to watch.” Ted remarks.

“Problem?” I snark, feeling a little aggrieved that Emmett has left me with him.

“Apart from your company?” He doesn’t even look at me when he says that. “When I say fun to watch, I literally mean fun.”

The song starts up and every pair of eyes turn to them as they dance. I have never gotten so hard so quick just from watching a man dance! They don’t come off the floor for another hour. Just as they are coming back with Emmett fanning himself, another song comes on.

“One more! One more!” Brian yells and grabs Emmett.

“What is it?!” Emmett yells back, laughing.

“Cue the Pulse to Begin! Please! And then we can eat!”

“Alright, Mr Ultimate, commence tailfeather shaking!”

Unfortunately due to his ultimate dance skills, they ended up playing the fucking song four times in a row but by the 3rd song, almost the entire club had gotten the steps including Ted and had joined them on the floor!

“That is it! I’m hungry and in need of a coffee. Come on, let’s go!” Emmett hollers as they finally come back to the bar. “Michael, were you standing here all night?”

“No! I danced a bit. But like you, I have worked up an appetite. Shall we go to the diner?”

“Ugh, no! Let’s go to mine!”

E’S HOUSE OF DELIGHT - 90 MINUTES LATER

BRIAN

“Oh my god!” I groan as Emmett comes out of the kitchen. “Schmidt, you need to make me go to the gym tomorrow! We each get the entire plate?!”

“Indeed!” Emmett laughs as he puts the board of death in front of me.

“Ems, you have to make me go to the gym tomorrow so that I can make Bri.”

“What time?” Michael suddenly pipes up.

“What time what?” I ask. I have to admit that I had forgotten he was there!

“What time do you want me to start the calls? I would need your number.” He smiles at me.

“Just call Ted and he’ll call me.” I reply and peruse the board. “So, where do I start?”

“The onion rings.” Emmett sits down with his board and I just shake my head. Then wish I hadn’t signed that contract with Vic! “You okay, Brian? You look...um, well I’m not sure but not happy.”

“I’m more than happy! It’s just that I’ve signed a food contract with another guy and I really want to have this food.”

“Who’s the other guy?” Ted asks.

“Vic Grassi. He runs the Liberty Diner. He’s got a partner…” I trail off in the face of his ever widening grin. “...which would be you?”

“Indeed, it would!” He wriggles on his seat. “Vic said he signed another client on a trial basis, but not whom!”

I take a bite of the burger. “No, no trial, confirmed. You’re confirmed.” I tell him and inhale the rest of my burger.

ROOF OF OPERA HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER

JUSTIN

The outdoor lights have not come on yet. I rest my chin against my cello and sigh. Then as the lights suddenly come on, his dogs start to yip.

“You going to play him to sleep or go to bed?” Daph comes up and gets under the duvet. “I don’t have to tell you how pissed Brent will be if you get sick!”

“I won’t get sick and I wasn’t waiting for him to get home!” I protest, getting up and hustling her ahead of me.

“Okay, um you going to switch on the CD or shall I?” She smirks and then laughs as I stomp back upstairs to press play!

CHAPTER 4 - SNOG, FUCK OR AVOID...WHO’S ON WHICH LIST AND WHO’S TIRED

OPERA HOUSE - TWO WEEKS LATER

DAPH

“Come on! You went away for a whole month without it, and this is just a couple of hours!” I bellow up the stairs. “You are not getting out of it. You promised!”

“I’m coming!” He yells back down.

“Not for a while, you haven’t.” I mutter to myself but plaster a smile on my face as he finally comes downstairs...looking like he’s slept in his clothes! But for the greater good, I let that pass just so we can get the fuck out of here and have a look at this town we now call home.

“So which one are we taking?” I ask as he fiddles with the garage door panel. “Du Pre’s birthday.” I remind him again and the door slides open to reveal his other pride and joys, after Cantata and Sonata. His Eagle babies.

“The pur...turquoise one. It’s closer.” I resist pointing out that I am also fucking starving, and have been waiting for what seems like hours! As I said, I want to get out of here!

“Got your scarf? I am not having you bitch because you’ve got cloud hair!”

“I have my scarf.” I say sweetly, taking it out and putting it on. I am about to lose it when finally there is the sound of the garage doors rolling up.

“So where we going?”

“Liberty Avenue. There’s a diner there and you like diner food.”

“I like any food!” He laughs and finally, thank fucking God, we are off!

LIBERTY AVENUE GYM - AN HOUR LATER

BRIAN

Finally! I can see some definition on my stomach and chest! I was somewhat insulted when I first got to the gym and someone said I would be hotter if I lost the paunch...paunch! I almost went over and paunched him in the nuts for even thinking that!

“Okay, boys. Battle Rope Exercise for 10 minutes non-stop, then 20 burpees and plank for 5 minutes. No wobbling!” A brusque female voice orders and although there is grumbling, they all leap to do as they are told.

“Fuck me, that looks grim!” Ted shudders as we stop exercising and watch.

“It doesn't look that bad.” Michael pipes up, startling me. Seriously, where does this man hide and suddenly spring from?! “I reckon we could do that easily, couldn’t we, Brian?”

I am not altogether sure where he gets this we from but there is no way he could do that. I am exhausted just watching the others do it, and he’s a lot less fit than I am. When we did the rope climb, he got about a foot off the ground before claiming he had to go to the bathroom for the rest of the session!

“Sorry guys, but we need this part of the gym, please?” The owner of the brusque voice tells us and we watch as the 10 well muscled men almost throw up as she pushes them. A couple of them seem to be almost praying for death.

“You’re right, Schmidt. That does look grim.” I tell him.

“It’s not that bad once you get used to it.” She flashes a smile. “I’m thorough, but gentle. Well for the first two classes, anyway.” She turns to Michael when he scoffs. “And that amuses you because?”

“You’re a girl, a lesbian and…”

“Not a lesbian but transgendered, not that it has any bearing on my ability as a personal trainer, who can hold a plank for 8 minutes without sweating. What are you?”

“A fully equipped hu-man and I bet I can do it for longer than you.” Michael challenges her, and people start to go quiet and watch. “I bet you I can.” He taunts her.

“Sure. What’s the wager?” She asks, placing two mats on the floor opposite each other.

“If I lose, I pay for all four of us to be your clients for 3 months, top price and hardest classes.”

“And if I lose, you get the easiest classes for free.” She returns, putting out her hand. “Deal.”

“Uh Michael...” Ted begins worriedly.

“Don’t worry, Schmidt. I’ve got this!” He crows and gets into the same position as her....

DINER - HALF AN HOUR LATER

TED

“You’ve got this. Weren't those your exact words?” I am dripping sarcasm, venom and annoyance! “The only redeeming factor in all of this is that it is costing you $6000 a month and not us. And that’s only because she felt sorry for you and said you would not stay the course!”

“Ted, could you bitch me out later? I am in agony!” Michael whimpers as he shakily brings the cup to his mouth. “I am sure she cheated.”

“She did not cheat. And didn’t break a sweat, unlike you. She beat you fair and square.” I snicker at his second skin soaking wet hair as it clings to his skull. “You have a weird shaped skull. It’s almost square, which again, she beat you fair by.”

His attempt at looking withering fails when combined with the look of exhaustion.

“What the hell happened to you?” Vic demands as he comes over looking at Michael’s hunched position.

“Took on a personal trainer in a plank challenge and lost.” Ems explains. “But we got three months of training out of it...it’s just a shame you won’t be able to get those toys Michael. You know, since she insisted on payment up front.”

“How much are they?” Vic sighs. “The classes, I mean.”

“$6000 a month.” I tell him with relish and again with the attempted nasty look.

“Who the hell did you hire? Harley Pasternak?!”

“No, personal trainer to Drew Boyd.” Ems is flicking through his phone. “There was a marked increase in attention when his name was mentioned!”

“Of course, there would be. He’s definitely on the snog or fuck list!” A twink giggles. “Oh dear god! Definitely avoid.” He blenches as an ALQ goes passed in assless pants and his ass is hanging round his knees!

“What list is this?” Ems calls out, heading over to them.

“There’s a TV programme in England called Snog, Marry or Avoid where you take a look at someone and decide, which you would do. But of course, us being the men that we are, have changed it to Snog, Fuck or Avoid and it’s proven to be quite popular. Some people have appeared on the list more than once. It’s at times like this that you don’t want to be A-listed!”

The door chimes bringing in a windswept girl and despite his ramshackled appearance, a very beautiful man! Everyone turns to look at him, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“Definitely an S and an F!” Someone sighs and Ems looks up and grins.

“Hey, darlings!”

The male darling turns around and gives him a small smile and a wave before slumping into a booth with his back to us. Ems stops briefly to talk to them before coming back to us, waving his tablet excitedly. “I have the link! Want to see if we’re on?!”

“No!” I reply quickly and reach for the tablet. But as per usual when there is anything to do with appearances and bitchiness, he’s too quick and moves out of reach. “Okay, how does it work?” I sigh.

“You just type your name in here and it shows you where you appear. For example, if I typed Ted Schmidt, you appear on the snog list five times so far and the fuck twice, but you do appear on the avoid one time. As for…”

“What are you girls doing?” Brian asks as he comes back and sits down. I try not to smirk at Michael’s attempt to sit up as if he’s not in absolute agony.

“Looking at Snog, Fuck or Avoid. You don’t want to be A-listed, trust me. So let me see here, Em-mett Honey-cutt. Aha...8 times on the S, 6 times on the F and zip, nada zero on the A-list! Go me!”

“Let’s do Brian.” Vic smiles.

“Let’s not!” Brian retorts firmly.

“Brian Kinney...ooh my…!”

“What does it say?” Vic demands, trying to reach for the tablet.

“How long have you been around these parts, Brian?” Ems smirks, pulling the pad out of reach again.

“Long enough not to be taken in by…”

“The S-list 27, the F-list 26 and the A-list, like me, zip, nada and zero!”

Brian looks shocked and then smug. “Not bad for being here less than 2 months. Is there anyone above me as a matter of interest?”

“Nope, you are King of the Avenue!” Ems laughs. “Oh wait, an unknown contender is only two points behind you on the S-list and you’re tied on the F-list.”

He shrugs. “Clearly, we have not met.”

“Clearly.” Ems intones with a glint in his eye.

“So who haven’t we done yet?”

“Me! You’ve not done me.” Michael preens. “What’s my ranking?”

“Mich-ael Nov-to-ny.” Ems opens and then closes his mouth. “We-well the site doesn’t seem to be working now...shame. We can always check later.”

VIC

There is something in the way that Ems shut that down that tells me that Michael’s ego is in for a major pricking. And not in a positive life affirming way. I am about to say something when Daphne comes up to the booth. “I have restored your lead, Brian.” She chirrups and then goes and sits back down.

“Uh, thank you!” He calls out, grinning. “Look Michael, are you sure you want to do this personal training thing?”

“Yeah, why not?” He affects a casual shrug, but looks like he’s spasming as his still cramped muscles object to any movement. “Chyna Carrington got lucky.”

“Excuse me, but I did not get lucky! I kicked your ass, so suck and swallow!  I look forward to the tire rolling class first thing tomorrow morning at 0600!” All eyes turn to Michael in fury.

“What? What’s he done?” I look around the booth.

“Not only did he lose the bet, but he picked the toughest classes!” Ted spits.

“Tire rolling? Let me see here, it can’t be that…” Ems begins to scroll through his pad and his eyes widen and then narrow when he looks at his dear friend. “I see. Well Michael, I am happy to tell you that you and a David Cameron top the A-list by a country mile! Maybe these classes will help you get off that, at least in appearance! Vic, may I use the office? I suddenly have some admin to do!” I wave him away.

“It can’t be that bad!” Michael protests.

“You lasted 1 minute with your own bodyweight. How do you propose to roll a tire and keep it upright that weighs in at 300 pounds minimum?!” Ted growls and gets up. “Well it’s an early night for me!”

“Hold up, Ted. I’ll drop you off and maybe go for a jog to build up some stamina.” Brian grumbles. “You had better not be late!”

“Oh he better not be, or you all won’t like it if he is.” Chyna snipes and starts to stalk out, but then pauses by the booth occupied by Daph. “Same goes for you two. You have cancelled me twice. Not having that. 6.00am sharp, do you understand?” Both heads nod and she walks out. I can see the pinched and angry look on Daph’s face.

“Daph!” I call out and she looks up. “What happens if you miss a class?”

“She puts you in a tougher class the next time and adds the class you missed on! Which is why we have the tire class tomorrow, isn’t it, Justin?!”

“I said I was sorry!” He grouches.

“Your sorry is going to mean I will have arms like Nicole Bachs-Fuss!”

“Oh fuck!” Michael exclaims. “My bids!” He leaps up as best he can and starts to hobble out.

“She’s already taken the money, Michael!” Emmett calls out as he returns to the booth. “She gave you a receipt!”

“Oh, double fuck!” He groans and shuffles out slump shouldered and with Ems’s familiar cackle, ringing in his ears.

“So Ems, how bad is it?” I smirk.

“Those two are the only two who are just A-listed. And I swear the comments were there before I had my fit of pique!”

“Show me!” I demand guffawing and he slides round my side of the booth with a look of glee.

RACCOON CREEK STATE PARK - SUNDAY MORNING 0558

CHYNA

I can see Mr Mouthy bringing up the rear of his group and he is being chivvied along, but he’s going at a snail’s pace. Well isn’t he just going to be Mr Popular? “Less than a minute before you are late!” I bellow. “If one’s late then everyone gets punished!” This almost has the desired effect as he speeds up for a whole second, before slowing back down again.

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3…”

“Move it, Michael!” Ted calls back. “I will make it my mission to circumcise you with secateurs if…”

“2, and 1 - you’re late!” I yell.

12 pairs of eyes swivel to the lollygagger, who starts to limp noticeably now. “Problem, Michael?” I call out.

“I think I have pulled a muscle. I don’t think I will be able to participate.”

“Oh, I see. Then the rest of the class can do your laps for you.” There is much huffing, puffing and kissing of teeth. “Okay, let’s get something straight real quick! You can swear, you can cry, you can call me a bitch but what you will not do is kiss your teeth in my class. No way.”

“I would listen to the lady. I didn’t and had to buy a new set of teeth when she let go of the stretch band and it popped me in the mouth…”

“And very pretty teeth they are, too.” I laugh at him. “Now for those of you who don’t know him, this is Drew Boyd. He’s a former Iron Man and will be helping me with the class today and every other Sunday. So first some gentle warm up exercises. 40 press ups. Drop!” I order and all bar Michael, hit the ground immediately. “Oh by the way, only go as fast as the slowest person....”

Immediately everyone starts to do their press ups, apart from five. Brian Kinney, Ted Schmidt, Daphne Chanders, Justin Taylor...and once he got the signal...Emmett Honeycutt. Drew and I exchange smirks.

“Aren’t you going to join us?” The supercilious voice of David Cameron, permeates the air.

“Nope. I prefer to exercise smart.” Brian retorts.

“You’re not exercising at all, actually. You are just standing there. Hardly smart or life enhancing...” He rebukes him.

“She said to go as fast as the slowest person.” Daphne explains. “The slowest person is Michael and he’s not doing anything. Therefore…”

“Like Brian said David, exercise smart!”

He glares at me, but says nothing. He’s been coming to my class for a while now. Not that he’s happy about it, but as the Iron Man chiropractor, he has to be able to heft heavyweights. He’s getting there; after all, he should be able to carry something else around besides his ginormous ego!

“Right, now listen carefully. We are going to do two circuits round the park. Do not overdo, just go at your normal pace. However, aim to do the two circuits in under 10 minutes. We’re going to split you up, half go clockwise the other go counter-clockwise. Once you are in your teams, you can’t swap out. You’re stuck with each other until the end of the 3 months, and the losing team has a forfeit of my choosing at the end of the three months...Drew, can you split them please?”

Five minutes later Brian, Daphne, Emmett and David are on the Cock team and Ted, Justin and a suddenly fit, Michael are on the Ass team. “No Boyd, you get Ass! You’re good with Ass, right?”

“Yeah especially if they are tall and have a tight-tight end.” He looks across at Emmett, who goes adorably pink.

“Next is the thing you have been most looking forward to!” I yell as I pace in front of them. “The tire roll...I take it Michael that you have cramp again?”

“No, I’m fine.” He replies tightly.

“Good. Good...so let us begin.”

DAPH

I hate him! I hate him with the strength of a thousand suns! Justin has the god given common sense not to look my way as the tires are rolled towards us.

“What is going to happen is that you will be timed. Each team member will roll the tire 100 meters.”

“And?” David asks.

“And that’s it.” Chyna smiles. “Oh wait, silly me. Blindfolded. You have to do it blindfolded and rely on your teammates for guidance. Once you reach the end of the 100 meters, you must stack the tires one on top of each other, again blindfolded. It’s about communication…you have 2 minutes to strategize!”

The more I listened to David Bangeron speak, the more I realised that we should be listening to Brian, who was just staring incredulously at him. “So your plan is to just shout at us and hope that we are louder?!”

“I’ve done this type of exercise before and…”

“Okay, here’s the thing. You need to have one voice leading and we need to hone in on that one voice. And frankly, I’ve heard enough of yours. Daphne, you and Emmett go together, side by side, take a good look at the course and go slow.”

“That is not going to work!” He pontificates, but 15 minutes later, he was eating his words as we beat them by a good 3 minutes.

“You were saying?” Brian snarks.

“Well you got lucky, I suppose.” He responds churlishly.

“Not luck, I just exercised smart.” He bites back but David doesn’t reply.

For the next four hours, we are put through all kinds of exercise hell. All semblance of arrogance and bravado disappear as we gals show the men how it is done...not a drop of sweat between us! They, however, all look like they went through a carwash!

“What fresh hell is that?!” Ted almost weeps as their helpers from hell wheel over two wagons with large round things in garbage bags.

“Everyone take a bag each and a lance!” Drew orders and with worried expressions, we do so. “Now this is the fun part...almost the end. Chyna.”

“Take them out then!” Warily we do as we’re told and reveal extra large space hoppers. Everyone except David and Michael start to smile and then grin. “So space hopper jousting. No teams, it’s one on one until the final. So, now you know why I asked you to write your names down and put it in the bucket. First to joust is Drew vs Campbell!”

Soon we are roaring with laughter and yelling and cheering as those, who were sourpusses and know-nothings were easily dispatched. Just one to go!

“David vs Daphne!”

“Don’t worry, Daphne, I will be gentle! You’re my teammate, after all.” He smarms.

“Daph, you got this?!” Brian gets behind me and rubs my shoulders. “Need pointers?”

“Solar plexus as hard as I can?” I respond grinning.

“This is my fag hag, nobody’s but mine! Understand?”

“I saw her first!” Emmett objects laughing.

“But I’m taller, broader and better looking!”

“Well I can’t argue against that!”

“Could we get on with this? I want to play the winner of the next game.” David huffs.

Ems, Brian and I all exchange looks and I see Justin roll his eyes.

“Jousters in position! On your marks, get set, bounce!”

Two minutes later, I get off my hopper and hide behind Brian as everyone else crowds round a wheezing and gasping, knocked on his ass David. “Doc, you okay?!” Drew demands. “Can you speak?!”

“I’m...fine…” He growls out. “Well done, Daphne.”

“Thank you!” I call out once I have composed myself.

“So the next one is. Michael vs Justin.” Drew announces.

“Prepare to lose, blondie!” Michael calls out and I slap my forehead.

“What?” Emmett asks.

“Two things that Justin hates and I mean hates is being called blondie and losing.”

“Jousters in position. On your marks get set, bounce!” Drew calls out.

“Is it me or Michael’s lance a little…” Emmett begins as they bounce towards each other.

“STOP RIGHT NOW!” Chyna bellows and everyone goes still and quiet. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?” She shouts at Michael. “Your lance is too fucking high! If that had hit Justin in the face, what the hell do you think would’ve happened?!”

“You’d have to kiss his boo-boo better?” Michael retorts, smirking.

“You think it’s funny to get smacked in the face, do you?”

“It’s got a sponge tip, what’s the big fucking deal?”

“Justin, get up.” He quickly does as he’s told. “Drew...restart us.”

“Oh, this is not going to be good.” Ted mutters. “Funny, but not good!”

And sure enough, as they bounce towards each other, he has his lance aimed directly at her face. The world seems to stand still as they get closer and closer, and then she dips her lance into the ground and like a pole vaulter sails over the top of him, leaving her hopper on the ground still bouncing towards him… he watches her fly, and just as he turns back around to look in front of him, it hits him straight in the face, knocking him off his feet and flat on his back. The crunch as it connects could be heard for miles.

“Yeah, that’s one nose broken!” I splutter as he writhes on the ground, clutching his face.

“Doc! Don’t just stand there! Help him!” Drew bellows.

“Fuck me!” Justin gasps, and is looking behind Michael. We all turn to where he is looking, and Chyna is twirling her body down to the ground. “That was incredible!”

“I do a pole dancing class.” She grins before her face darkens and she looks at Michael, who is being helped by David. “How’d it feel to get smacked in the face, then?”

“I thud thue you!” He snaps.

“Oh thut up!” She snaps back before turning to the rest of us with a smile. “So the winning team, of course, is Cock! So the prizes are exercise based. You get to pick the classes for next week. But pick wisely because everyone will be doing it. The Ass team, however, will be doing it in these.” She rifles in her bag and pulls out an outfit that renders everyone mute.

“No. Please no!” Justin cries. “Please let me swap teams! I will pay you a million bucks!”

“What are the class choices?” Emmett asks, looking at the outfit and then their group.

“Emmett, I’m your customer! A very loyal and greedy customer. Just begging you to remember that!” Justin calls out as we crowd round looking at the list.

“We have made our choice. We’re doing pole dancing!” Emmett announces and I look across at Brian and he looks astonished.

“Pole dancing. Why?” Brian whispers.

“Remember I said someone has a bubble?” Emmett whispers back. “That would be Justin.”

“Does he? Does he indeed?” He looks across at Justin, who glares back.

“Pole dancing, it is!” Chyna declares. “And class is done!”

DAVID CAMERON’S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON

BATHROOM

DAVID

As I oil my slightly paunchy body, I vow to get in shape. I pinch the love handles and sigh as they flop back into position. I flex my chest and vow to shave my nipples before next week. At least I have a week to lose some water weight. Knowing I don't have any time to waste, I reach for the pills that I know will work. While I was tending to Michael, he was filling me in on who’s who and he’s kinda cute. However, at the end of the day, he’s not what I want, but I will use him to get who I need. And I need to either have Brian’s cock in my ass or my cock in his!

CHAPTER 5 - WHO LET THE DOG OUT

OPERA HOUSE - EARLY DAWN

ROOFTOP

JUSTIN

What the fuck did I do to him?! If anybody should’ve been lance up, it should’ve been me! He was the one that got us all punished! I am so fucking fucked the fuck off! I take a break from my raging and pacing and try yet again to play the piece written by Alexander Goehr for du Pré called Romanza for cello and orchestra. I find it soothing and calming. Well normally I would but he’s got me so fucking wound up!

I settle Evelyn between my legs, and run my fingers over her scroll and take another calming breath and begin to play…

BRITIN

MASTER BEDROOM

BRIAN

...I can’t believe I am doing this, but that is driving me fucking nuts! I lean further out of the window, hold my phone out and press Shazam. This is the third time he’s played it...badly... and woken me up. I head back to bed and hope that for both his and my sake that Shazam got it this time...nope!

Fuming with frustration, I scroll through my phone and find the contact for Emmett. I pause briefly before sending him a text, requesting the contact number for my noisy neighbour, or even better Daphne. She seems to be the kind of person who values her sleep!

I snicker as my Tangerine Dream comes to my rescue with both the numbers for him and Daphne. I decide to text Daphne: Morning! Yes very early morning! Can you tell the Maestro to stop massacring whatever the fuck it is he is trying to play? I am in a bad enough mood having endured yesterday, so I need my sleep! Thanks BK.

OPERA HOUSE

DAPH’S ROOM

DAPH

It was the flash that got my attention. Scrambling for my phone, part of me laughs and the other part of me makes me get up so that I can fling Justin and Evelyn off the roof! But first to calm the beast: Romanza for cello and orchestra. I shall get him to go to sleep. Sorry...again DC.

BRITIN

MASTER BEDROOM

BRIAN

Aha now, I know what it is called. I scroll through and find it. I turn the volume on my TV as loud as it can go and open both sets of windows and hit play.

OPERA MANSION

ROOFTOP

JUSTIN

I gape into the open air as the distinctive strings of Romanza float towards me. Is he actually fucking serious about that? Seriously, fucking serious!

“Uh is that…?” Daph comes up warily.

“Yes, it fucking is!” I bellow at her and after putting Evelyn down carefully, I storm downstairs to get my jacket and shoes. Seems that I need to have a word with a certain ill-informed neighbour!

“Justin! Justin wait...he just wanted you to…” Daph calls out but I jam my hat on my head, blocking her out and get in my car.

DAPH

Oh fuck. Oh no. Oh no. Not good! I run back upstairs for my phone and pray he picks up...he doesn’t.

BRITIN - 5 MINUTES LATER

BRIAN

I switch off my TV and feel a little bit guilty for showing him how it should sound, but the way he was playing was not up to his usual standard. And since I am clearly not going to sleep, I might as well make myself some tea. As I lean against the counter waiting for the kettle to boil, I could’ve sworn I heard the door knock.

“Nah, couldn’t have done.”

Bang-bang-bang!

“What the fuck?!” I exclaim, marching to the door to pull it open and there, looking furious, is Justin. “What the hell are you doing here at…”

“Gramophone!” He yells, glaring. “I have won 5 Gramophone Awards for that piece alone, you arrogant bastard! I know how to fucking play it and do not appreciate that oh-so-not fucking subtle reminder! Because of you and your shitty friend and not-so-secret admirer, I ache all over and...and what the hell are you staring at?!”

“I have no idea what a Gramophone Award is but clearly, they were going cheap when they gave you that job lot! As for staring at, I was thinking about the SFA List. You might be my competition, if only that came in an adult size!” I snarl back. “Furthermore, he is not my friend and I hope to fuck, not an admirer! We all suffered because of him, so don’t fucking blame me!”

“But next weekend I have to wear...that!” He screams. “I can’t wait for us to win next Sunday, because you will suffer my vengeful wrath!”

“Vengeful wrath?! Is that the best you’ve got?! What are you 12? No grown ass man says vengeful wrath!” I mock him.

He balls his fist and steam is almost coming out of his ears. “You have no idea what my idea of vengeful is and…”

“...can you see me shaking...NO...that’s because I’m not!” I roar at him my fists equally balled as tightly as his.

“Just you wait!” He storms. “Just you fucking wait!” He yells before whirling around and storming back to his car.

“I can see why you were on the Ass team!” I yell at him.

“And I can see why you are on the Cock team!” He yells back.

“Thanks!” I retort and slam the door hard.

JUSTIN

That did not just happen! That did not just happen! That has got to be the most humiliating argument I have ever had in my life! I sounded like an arrogant blowhard and then I mentioned his cock! I am still sitting in his drive with the doors to my car open, trying to get some cooling air on my heated skin. After 10 minutes, I turn the key and start to drive back home.

Unsurprisingly, there is an unimpressed Daph, standing in the doorway. “Your voice carried. I suggest you don’t play for the next couple of days.”

“Yeah okay.” I mumble and go to bed, my eyes blurring with tears.

When I get to my bedroom, I curl up in a ball and try to muffle my sobs. “What’s this about?” I hear her ask as she sits on the bed. “Justin? What’s this about?”

“I’m so tired and I ache and…” I pause and wipe my eyes. “...Brent wants us to do a tour of Australia in 3 months, for six months and I don’t want to. I’ve been working non-stop for the last four years. I just want a break and…”

“Then take the fucking break!” Daph shouts. “Call him now and tell him you don’t want to do it. You just want to have some fun. You know fun? You’ve done it before!”

“But it’s not just me, is it? And besides Eth…”

“If you say that man’s accursed name, I will put Evelyn through a grinder!”

“He’s been dying to take the lead…”

“Then let him! He’s not, nor will he ever be, as good as you…”

“I’m sorry, Daph.” I sit up and reach for my phone. Sighing, I dial Brent’s number. “Hi Brent, it’s me, Justin. Look about this tour. I really, really like the idea...ouch! For fuck, Daph, let me finish...” I glare at her as she pulled a clump of hair out of my calf. “...but I don’t want to do it. No, I don’t have any other commitments, I just want a rest. Brent, you are my agent! Then why are you are beginning to sound like my keeper and jailer?! I am not doing it! Give the lead to Ethan then. At least, he will get something for all the times he’s blown you! Now goodbye. I have a lot to think about, and yes, your contract is one of them!” I viciously cut the call and stare at an incredulous Daph.

“Brent and...urrrghhh!”

“Yeah, walked in on them going at it once...couldn’t unsee that for a while!

“Wait a second. What was that?”

“The sound of my balls dropping. I can’t believe I finally put Brent in his place!”

“Yeah, that’s great...go you! But no, I mean the barking sound?”

We both go quiet and listen and although it is faint, there is definitely a sound of a dog. We head downstairs and it is coming from the kitchen. We slowly open the door and there, trying to make itself as big as possible under the curious gazes of Cantata and Sonata, is a Weimaraner puppy.

“Oh crap! Shadow!” Daph gasps.

“You know this dog? Whose is it?”

“That would be the Captain of the Cock Team…”

“No! Can you do it, please? Daph, please!”

“Oh no, Captain Bubble Ass. You kidnapped his dog, you give him back!” She laughs and heads back to bed.

BRITIN - TWO HOURS LATER

GROUNDS

BRIAN

I have torn Britin apart and have been calling and calling, but I can’t find him. “Shadow! Here boy!” I yell and my throat is sore and not just because of the shouting. I am trying not to cry. I decide to do one more circuit of the woods and pray my torch holds out.

AN HOUR LATER

He’s gone. Fuck! I dash away the tears and head back home. When I get back, his car is still in the drive. I look inside and can’t see anything. “He must have walked home.” I mutter to myself as I head inside. Silver bounds towards me as soon as I open the door. “Sorry boy, I couldn’t find him.” He licks away my tears as I hold him tightly. It takes me a few seconds for me to get myself together and I get up off the floor. Just as I put him down my phone rings, I look at the ID and it’s Daph. She has called a few times.

“Hey Daph, what...no I haven’t seen him. His car is still here. I managed to lose…hold on!” I rush outside and hammer on the window. A shape moves in the semi darkness and the interior light is switched on. “Do you have my dog?!” I shout at him. He nods and undoes his jacket and a very sleepy, but also very warm Shadow pokes his head out. “Open the door and give me my dog!” I yell, more in relief than anger. He quickly opens up and I almost snatch him off him. “Why did you…”

“I didn’t! He most likely got in while we were screaming at each other or while I was trying to...never mind, have you been crying?”

He scrutinises my face and I afford him the same scrutinisation. “Have you?” I ask.

“Well he’s here now, and that’s all that matters. It was an accident.”

“Thank you for bringing him back.” I bury my face in his fur.

“You’re welcome. And about earlier, I’m…”

“Me too. Oh you need to call Daph. She was worried when you didn’t come back.”

“Fuck! Fell asleep waiting...you’d best get him in, he must be hungry.”

“Goodnight.” I step back so he can close the door.

“Goodnight.” He mutters and I am still in the driveway long after his lights have faded into the distance.

THRUHELL4HEAVEN STUDIOS - THURSDAY LATE AFTERNOON

CYNTHIA

I made the mistake of snickering when both Ted and Brian were limping like old men on Monday and now I am being taught the error of my ways. Thankfully, Brian called in his other fag hag...other fag hag oh I think not...so I wouldn’t be the only girl there.

“So what’s she like then?” I try to keep the pout and the snark out of my voice.

“Feisty, you’ll like her.” He reassures me.

“Oh I doubt it!” I mutter.

The door opens and he smiles at her. “Not her. Hi Chyna, this is Cynthia. She’s joining us today, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Nice to meet you, Cynthia. Wait, is she the only one coming?” She asks warily and I frown.

“Daph is coming, and that’s it. Nobody but us four today.” Ted laughs. “Wonder how his nose is? I mean, apart from out of joint!”

“Nice to meet you too, Chyna. But who else are you talking about?” I ask.

“Oh God, tell me he’s not coming, is he?” Another female voice asks from behind me. “I swear, I will…”

“No, he’s not coming, Daph.” Ted pats her arm.

“Who is not coming and why are you all talking about him like he’s the devil incarnate?!” I demand, highly annoyed to be kept out of the loop.

“My fellow Ass-mate, a one Michael Novotny.” Ted groans.

“And the guy who tried to maim Justin during space hopper jousting!” Daphne seethes.

“Maim? What maim? And do you mean Justin as in Justin Taylor lives in the Opera Mansion?”

“Yes.” She looks guarded. “How do you know that?”

“Because I went over to apologise on behalf of this Neanderthal for his less than stellar first impression.” I gasp as I find myself in the grip of a vice like hug. “Okay, why?

“Because you figured out the coffee machine!” She beams at me. “Amazing! I run ChanderTech, but a Nespresso machine is beyond my capabilities unless, ironically, I have a cup of coffee...what?”

“You run ChanderTech?” Brian gapes at her. In fact, we are all gaping at her. “You need to come to Kinnetic straight after this and see if you can do any better than the crappy system that we have inherited.” Brian demands.

“No, no, no...first, she comes to Babylon and then she comes to see you.” Chyna insists. “The entire thing needs an overhaul and the need to disco far outweighs your need to do whatever it is you do.”

“Don’t you need to speak to the owner of Babylon first?” Ted asks.

“True enough…” She turns to face the mirror. “May I? Yes, you may. Thank you! You’re welcome.”

“You own Babylon?!” Ted looks incredulous.

“Yeah for the last three or four years, slowly making it the best in the burgh. But the sound system sucks! So how does $6K to upgrade it by tomorrow sound?”

“Fag hag confused by the riddle talking!” I exclaim. “Start with the maiming…”

By the time they are finished telling me about the idiot, I am good and pissed. “Need to krump this off!” I growl. “What a...a….”

“Swampdick?” Daph suggests causing giggles. “And don’t get me started on David Bangeron...what a greasy creep!”

“Oh my god, I forgot about him!” Chyna exclaims. “I have an iddy biddy bit of gossip about that oleaginous toad. It would seem that he has set his cap at a member of our team. Don’t worry Daph, you’re safe.”

“Thank you snatch and tits!” She grins, dancing round the studio.

“Speaking of dancing, fancy a night there on Saturday? Actually no, make it Friday as we have to be there at...what time...oh and where?” Ted asks, looking at Chyna.

“Not till the afternoon, about three. Now…”

“Can we come?” Daph asks, looking at me and I nod. “Oh, and if I say it’s dancing, Justin will come. After all, he’s got to get some practice for the pole dancing class!”

I pretend not to notice the way that Brian’s eyes lit up just then! But I catch the smirk on Chyna’s face. Hmm, seems I need some one on one time with this lady!

“Did you see that?!” Daph whispers. “We three need to get together and strategize.”

“Hell yeah, we do!” I whisper back and when I look across at Chyna, she winks.

WOODY’S - LATE EVENING

CHYNA

I sip my beer and smirk. “I have a good business head on these trans-shoulders. Nothing, but nothing, gets gay men honing their bodies quicker than someone telling them they are not hot!”

“But...but...that’s just simply genius!” Ems looks so proud. “So you started this list with Sade?”

“Yep.”

“Why not me?” He pouts.

“Because my darling Ems, you would’ve told everyone in seconds!” Vic smiles and signals for another round of drinks.

“True!”

“But back to the most important thing, Desperado and the Eagle.” Vic leans in and we all lean in, frowning.

“Who and the what?” Daph asks and then she nods, excitedly. “That’s the codename for them? I love it! Can we all have codenames? Pretty please!”

“Oh, alright!” I laugh at her enthusiasm. “So you, Cloud, are going to get the Eagle and you, Dream, concentrate on Desperado. Flax, you need to make sure that they see each other and Porcelain, you need to have some serious beats on.” We all nod. “And Doe Eyes, you make sure Basilisk and Pinchpenny are kept busy... with each other!”

“Why am I Doe Eyes?” Ted gripes as our drinks arrive.

“Honey, look in the mirror. You have the most wonderful soulful eyes.” I tell him and he goes pink.

VIC

I feel my phone buzz and look down. It’s a text from Ems: I have a back up plan! You know, just in case the dancing doesn’t work. Supposing there was a mix up on the orders...at least say once every two weeks...

That’s what I love about Ems. He’s as determinedly romantic as all get out...and thanks to his encouragement, I had 6 wonderful years with Rodney. I look around our DATE group and grin. They have no fucking idea what’s going to hit them!

As Ems goes to powder his nose, my phone beeps again. This time, it’s from Chyna: so what are we going to do about the Tight End and the Quarterback?

DEB AND VIC’S HOUSE - SATURDAY EVENING

BATHROOM

MICHAEL

“Ouch Ma, be careful!” I snipe as she dabs cover up on my face to hide the bruises that cow caused.

“You take a dick up your ass; a cover stick is nothing!” She snaps. “Remind me again, how this happened?”

“Like I said, I got punched in the face by…”

“Hopped in the face!” Uncle Vic bellows through the door and she frowns at me before opening it. “Hey Sis, when did you get back?” He asks, kissing her on the cheek. “How was Florida? Did you restore their pride?”

“Damn right, I did! Now what’s with the hopped vs punched?”

I listen in dismay as he tells her in excruciating detail about the wager I lost. The look she gave me when she found out I had that much money stashed away almost melted my face. But her eyes lit up on hearing about Brian, so I play up to her romantic side. “I really like him Ma, but I think he’s a bit out of my league.”

“He is.” I hear Uncle Vic mutter, but say nothing.

“Nobody is out of your league, sweetheart. It’s all about how you present yourself.”

“So you’ll help me, Ma? You’ll help me get Brian?” I plead.

“Of course honey, of course!” She grins back at me. “Now first, let’s start with the clothes!”

BABYLON - 2 HOURS LATER

CHYNA

I know immediately when the gang’s all here. I look up from my decks and spot Desperado coming in with Dream. He immediately signals for drinks and then, in comes Cloud with Eagle.

Time to drop it like it’s hot!

CHAPTER 6 - SAVE THE LAST DANCE

JUSTIN

I was two seconds from walking out of here when I felt my hand being crushed in the vice-like grip of my best friend. “You will stay for at least one drink!” She growls in my ear. I did not get dressed up in my finest dancing clothes for just drinks, but since I like my fingers, I nod.

“Is that Fl...Cynthia over there?!” She yells and I look where she is pointing and gulp, then nod. Yeah, it’s Cynthia but she is also with Brian! After our last confrontation, I am still a little unsure.

“Darlings!” Emmett yells above the thrumming beats that have me itching to dance. “Come, come! Drinkies! What do you wish to imbibe?!”

“Beam straight!” I yell and that gets Brian’s attention and he turns to me. “What?!

“First rule of a gay club, never say straight!”

“So what do I say?!” I bridle.

“Beam, or if you want ice say Beam on the rocks!”

“Thanks for the education!”

“You’re welcome!” He laughs and again, I glare at him. “What’s that face for? It's not like this is your first gay club rodeo…” He stops and stares. “Oh fuck, it is! How is that possible? With me, now!”

Before I could deny anything, he drags me off to a spot under the stairs. “Are you seriously saying you have never been in a gay club before?!” He looks incredulous.

“I have been busy and with my high profile…”

“You hid in plain sight!” He sighs. “Right, now that you are out and about, do not leave your drink unattended. There is a backroom. Do not go there! A virgin like you will be eaten…”

“Hold it right there. I am not a virgin!” I hiss. “I know what to do in a club, but was too busy to do it!”

He regards me carefully. “We’ll see about that. Come on, Mr Know It All, let’s get back.”

CHYNA

I am dropping some serious toonage here and they are arguing under the stairs! Oh no boys, you ain’t doing that!

“So, time to burn baby burn!” I yell and Desperado stops and heads to the dance floor and starts to groove while signalling Dream, who immediately joins him. But all important eyes are watching Eagle, who looks like a deer in headlights as he watches him dance. I snicker to myself as Doe Eyes calms Cloud down...we’re not there yet...and here comes trouble!

DAVID

It takes a sprat to catch a mackerel, I suppose. I follow Michael towards his friends, and then almost cum where I stand. Brian is dancing, and if he fucks like that then I am never letting him go!

“Ted and Daphne are over there. I suppose we should go join them!” Michael shouts in my ear almost deafening me, but echoing my thoughts. I just nod.

“Hi, guys!” He yells and then spots the blonde woman. “Oh Daphne, you are now in the fold. She’s pretty!”

“They say that the person that shouts the loudest about something is the person who is getting it the least. The way you are yaddering anyone would think you’re a virgin!”

“I am not a virgin!” He hisses at her.

“But you are A-list, so you might as well be...both of you.” She retorts and turns back to the blonde lady.

“Hi, David. It is David, right? We didn’t get much time to talk on Sunday. I’m Ted.”

“And I’m with Michael as you can tell. But hello anyway.” I respond coolly as I turn my eyes back to the dance floor, only to be tapped on the arm.

“Learn the difference between politeness and interest.” Daphne snarks. “Just to clarify, he was being polite.”

“Of course, he was.” I reply.

“Honey, he’s no DODAD. Take the insult before she gets worse!” The blonde lady snaps.

“What the fuck is a dodad, and who are you?”

“Cynthia, a platonic friend of Daph’s and DODAD...dead of dick and desperate! Daph, we need to hit the floor!”

Before I can formulate a response, they are gone. “Bitches clearly need to get laid!” I grumble to Michael and he nods.

“Oh my word! Look at that!” Someone exclaims, and we all turn to the dance floor where Justin is dancing by himself, seemingly lost in a world of his own. “Definitely need to top up his score...S or F?”

“F, of course! What a question!” His friend retorts.

“That list is so juvenile!” Michael grumbles.

“I am so glad you agree! It’s so nice to be with an intelligent gay man. I will be right back. Don’t move from here, okay?” He nods smiling up at me.

MICHAEL

I watch David push his way through the crowds until I can’t see him anymore and pull out my phone. I immediately add to Brian’s tally. There is no way that flaky fairy is going to beat him!

DAVID

When I see Michael is on his phone, I smile. Tucking myself into a corner, I vote for Brian twice and add Justin to the A-list! As I make my way back to Michael, it seems everyone is of the same mind. I catch the end of Daphne’s conversation and sigh at her juvenility.

“...so we can make requests now?”

“Yeah, I think…” Emmett begins to answer and then stops as Brian taps his arm to get his attention.

“Good evening, gents.” Drew brings a bottle of champagne. “And ladies. Am I opening this?”

“Oh, hell yeah!” Daphne shouts.

“Drew, what are you doing here?” I demand. Now that he is out, he is a big catch. And the one person I don’t want him to catch is Brian. And judging by the way he is looking in his direction, he’s wanting to bait that hook of his!

“This is a club, I want to dance, now just need to get a partner.”

I seethe as he heads towards Brian, and then almost collapse in relief when he pulls Emmett onto the dance floor.

CHYNA - THREE HOURS LATER

The beats have been hot and the club is steaming, but it’s time to wind it down. But before I shut it down, I want to get them heated up. I flick through my playlist and find the perfect song.

“Babylonites, attention!” I call out and the place goes quiet. “Here’s the thing: we’ve stomped, we’ve krumped, we’ve hip dipped and boogied, but what we haven’t done is got hot and sultry together. Correction, we’ve not seen them get hot and sultry together...have we? And I think it is about time we did. So make some room, people, and let's have Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor take to the floor!”

The floor is cleared and we are just waiting for the two stunned men to stand in the spotlight. For a few seconds neither of them move, but then there is the soft tap of Brian’s boots as he makes his way to the middle of the floor and then looks back at a stock-still Justin.

“Are you busy now?” He seems to be taunting him.

“Fine, let’s get this over with!” He grumbles and starts to approach.

“Oh no-no-no...that’s not the way you say yes, and that’s not the way you ask.” I interrupt his progress. “Put out your hand, Brian, as if beseeching…” I hold my breath as I see the flicker of annoyance cross his face...but he does hold out his hand. “Since you already said yes, then say yes by taking his hand, but don’t move until you hear the music...to which you must tango.” There’s murmurs of disbelief. “Do you agree?” I ask them, ignoring the chattering classes. It takes a few seconds but they do nod. I feel all eyes on me while I reach for the play button.

I'm so happy to be here you and I

And I just wanna let you know

He pulls Justin into his arms and slowly starts to dance...Justin let’s him lead...

That I'd follow you to the end of the world

And let you know that I care

And I want you to know that

If you need me I'll always be there

Dancin' close feelin' restless

It's a slow, sultry night

It'll be a lifetime 'til sunrise

If you don't stay with me tonight

(I) feel your breath caress my shoulder

As your heart reads my mind

You don't have to tell me anything

I can see everything

In your eyes

It's so easy with you

I don't need an excuse

To be the woman in me

It's so hard to believe

That I'm feeling so free

To be the woman in me

Baby there's so much

No man has ever touched

Of the woman in me

[Spoken:]

I love you baby oh...

I might be tremblin' but I'm no scared

(it's) just my desire, breaking free

I've never had a change like this before

To unlock all the doors

To the woman in me

It's so easy with you

I don't need an excuse

To be the woman in me

It's so hard to believe

That I'm feeling so free

To be the woman in me

Baby there's so much

No man has ever touched

Of the woman of me

Like the dark side of the full moon

(I've) never shown, what I'm

Showing to you

It's so easy with you

I don't need a excuse

To be the woman in me

It's so hard to believe

That I'm feeling so free

To be the woman in me

It's so easy with you

To be the woman in me

It's so easy with you

To be the woman in me

It's so easy with you

To be the woman in me

“Thank you very much, Babylonites. Goodnight! Lights up and fuck off!” I yell into the mike and everyone is jolted out of the sensuous reverie their dancing had lulled them into.

CAR JOURNEY HOME

JUSTIN

I daren’t close my eyes, because if I do, I will go straight back to the dance floor and I can’t. I just can’t...no I daren’t! I daren’t begin to like how being in his arms made me feel.

CAR JOURNEY HOME

BRIAN

He was trembling so much. Why is he so scared?

CHAPTER 7 - CANDY SHOP MAKES YOU LOSE CONTROL

OPERA MANSION - SUNDAY MID-MORNING

DAPH

If he nibbles his nail anymore, he’s going to get down to his knuckle! He’s been antsy ever since he got in the car and has not said a word...I do not do well with silence!

“So, how was it?”

“What?! We didn’t do anything!”

“Wow! Hysterical much?” I tease him, but then pause and look at him. “Justy?”

“I was shaking, literally shaking...trying not to, I was trying not to so hard!”

“Trying not to what?”

“Hear music.” He sighs. “I heard music when we danced.”

“Uh yeah, Donna Summer I believe it was…”

“I heard music inside. And another thing, Daphne. I hate that I like him.”

“You hate that you...wait, what?”

“He makes me skittish and I don’t like being skittish.” He continues. “He discombobulates me and I don’t get it. We’re totally opposite in every way, and yet we're totally in sync.  I feel like I’ve known him forever, but I know nothing about him. Yet, I feel I know him.  But, Daph, I’m afraid….”

“Afraid of what?”

“That he doesn’t like me.” He sighs. “That he believes that I’m everything he thinks I am when we row.”

“Justy. Oh god, Justy! You’re in love!”

“No, I’m not! I’m going to bed! I mean to get changed!” He declares and stomps towards the stairs.

“Denial is not just a river in Africa!” I yell after him.

“That doesn't make sense! The Nile is…”

“You have been working too hard. Pull your head out of your ass and listen to me! You are in love! You...hang on!” I hold up my hand as my phone beeps and my eyes widen as I read it.

“Daph, you okay?”

“He couldn’t sleep.”

“Why is he texting you that?” He frowns.

“No, he’s saying he’s grumpy because he couldn’t sleep.” I repeat and again, he doesn't get it and I want to shake him. “He couldn’t sleep because you didn’t play.”

“What?” He whispers going a sweet shade of candy pink.

“Next time you guys are home that late put the CD on and then go to bed!”

“The CD?”

“Yeah, it seems he can tell the difference between you playing live and not.”

“I…”

“Are going to get changed! We have a pole dancing class to get to!”

BRITIN

BRIAN

All I could smell was his muskiness mixed with Beam. It was intoxicating. Instead of pushing him away from me, I kept thinking of my mother fucking her priest and that kept Kinney Not-so Jnr under control. I had been watching him dance all night, and the flashes of skin made my heart...I mean cock...twitch. When the music finished, I waited for him to step back and he did so but so slowly. And when his hand slipped from mine...oh fuck off, Kinney, don’t do this to yourself! Don’t do this to yourself!

I get my stuff ready and decide that my bike is a better idea.

THRUHELL4HEAVEN STUDIOS - EARLY AFTERNOON

CHYNA

I could’ve happily bagged off this class if, for once, someone had cancelled. But not one of the bastards did. So I am in a vicious and evil mood! But they are lucky it is raining because my vicious and evil mood would’ve had this class outside!

As they come in, all of them on time...such a shame. I note that Brian and Justin are studiously avoiding each other. Well, we’ll soon fix that!

“Good afternoon. So today it will be the pole dancing class and, as mentioned, the losing side, which was the Ass Team, has to go and change into their outfits. No, I did not forget but a little tip...you will need to keep your underwear on. These pants are not that forgiving, and for those of you who are gifted, it saves embarrassment.”

“Thanks for the heads up.” Michael smirks.

“Wake up, Michael, you’re talking in your sleep!” I snap, and he glares at me. “Want to make yourself real popular and fail at the plank for a minute thus ensuring that everyone has to do it for 3 minutes?”

“No.” He pouts.

“Then shut up and go get changed. You lost this bet, through arrogance and the malice of no thought, though you thinking in any capacity could also be considered a danger to others. In return, I get your money, plus yours and your friends asses, which I intend to work until you can bounce a quarter off it!”

We wait for them to get changed and the anticipation is killing us. But it’s worth it as Ems, Daph, Ted and I watch Brian’s reaction to Justin. Apart from the widened eyes, drooling and tenting, he’s not feeling him at all!

“Okay this class is called Control the Pole to Candy Shop. So I am going to put you in pairs. First off…” By the time I have finished, David has Michael, Drew...who suddenly turned up is opposite Emmett, Daph is teamed with Campbell and oh how strange, Brian is teamed with Justin. “...now the Cocks are the poles. You have to think up a dance routine by the end of the class, but because I am feeling magnanimous, I will give you a few tips.” I walk over to the player and crank up Don’t Cha by the Pussycat Dolls. Then I stride to the middle of the studio...and proceed to belly roll, hip flip, twerk, stomp and slide to the song. By the time we get to the 3rd chorus, Brian and Daph have joined me in perfect sync.

JUSTIN

How the hell is he moving like that?! He’s over 6 feet! A 6 foot tall person is not supposed to move his hips like that unless he’s fucking...and oh Christ, not now!

“You know what darling…” Emmett says coming to stand next to me. “...I’ve decided that this guy would be horrendous to get a blowjob from. What do you think?

“Holy mother of fuck! He would have to take out, never mind, cover his teeth!” I almost barf and then realise what he has done. “Thanks.” I whisper.

“Anytime, sweetie.” He whispers back.

“Right, people!” Chyna brings us back to the matter of hand. “I want you to watch me carefully because I have changed my mind. No Cock poles.” There are foolish sighs of relief. “Instead, you are going to be doing tandem pole dancing. By the end of the class, you will need to have perfected and I mean perfected the following positions. Drew, if you please, first the double stargazer…”

“Box splits. You don’t have to go completely flat…”

“Double cross ankle release…”

“And finally the standing hand seat…”

“Are you kidding me?!” Campbell gasps. “Nah man, this bruv ain’t doing that!”

“This sista has the ear of your trainer...those thighs are looking a little flabby…”

“Flabby?!” He puts his hands on his hips in indignation.

“Uh huh and I do believe squat jumps with a 50 kilo weight will tone them up real quick like…”

“50 kilos?” Campbell goes as white as I have ever seen a Black man go.

“From the ground straight up. One squat per kilo…”

“At least, I get to do that with Daphne. That’s something.” He mutters as he goes back to where he was standing.

“Right, now that we are all on the same page, we shall begin with warm up exercises, in teams.”

Warm up exercises she says! Yeah, if you were warming up in hell! As well as the plank...thank you so much Michael...we did lunges, squat jumps with 10 kilo weights...seriously why did I book her knowing her reputation...crunches, running on the spot, bicycle kicks and our absolute favourite, rope exercises! That being said, I did feel exhilarated by the end of it.

“Okay get into your pairs. Drew, if you could for a sec…” Drew stands in front of her and then puts his hand round her waist. “...now, do not try to be smart and flick yourself straight back because you will hurt yourself. Now Cocks, make sure you have a firm grip around the waist and Asses slowly bend backwards until you can go no further. I have been doing this for years and I also do yoga...but at the end of the three months, you are aiming for something like this.”

I swallow hard as she slowly bends herself down to the floor. There are murmurs and impressed whistling as she slowly gets into position, then Drew steps back and she holds it without a tremble.

And then with the elegance and grace of a swan, she gets herself into a handstand before returning to her feet.

“So let us begin…”

BRIAN

I hate her! I really hate her! How the hell am I supposed to keep calm when he’s going to be bending backwards wearing that?!

“Did you see where he put his hands?” He asks, his eyes glued to the floor.

“Small of the back, right about here.” I put my hand there and finally, he looks up at me and I decide to concentrate on his mouth...his perfectly candy coloured mouth. “Now you start to bend backwards, slowly don’t…” All conversation stops as he bends back and the top slithers towards his neck, baring his stomach and chest...and his perfectly pink nipples.

“How does that look?” He calls up.

Are you fucking with me right now?!

MICHAEL

I look across at Flaky Fairy when he asked Brian how he looked. “Like a show off!” I mutter and David nods in agreement. “Shall we show them how it’s really done? Unlike some…” I raise my voice. “...I don’t have to draw attention to myself.”

“Michael, I’m letting the irony of that remark go!” Chyna sneers. “You need to look carefully at what Justin is doing with his foot! In fact, what everyone apart from you, is doing with their foot. You need to anchor yourself, so you have stability.”

“I don’t need stability, when I have natural talent and David.” I assert and David nods.

“Yes but, the stability means that if you…”

I roll my eyes at her lecturing and flip myself back. The last thing I hear after my head connects hard with the floor is someone calling for an ambulance.

CHYNA - AN HOUR LATER

Everyone is working hard with their positioning, and then I have an idea, but need to speak to Vic and Emmett first. Speaking of Emmett, he’s a lot stronger than I thought because he is taking the role of supporter in this. I knew that Drew was flexible, but I do believe he’s found his top.

I look across at an awkward looking Campbell and Daphne. Campbell, like Drew, is out and proud...but he’s out and proud with a boyfriend, who he is deeply in love with! “Campbell, will you relax! This is not cheating. You are exercising!”

“But she’s a girl with girlie bits near my manly bits!” He kvetches.

“Is anything happening with your manly bits?”

“No god, no!” He shudders.

“Less revulsion please!” Daphne bitches.

“Sorry. Okay it’s just exercise, just exercise!”

Soon the atmosphere in the studio is much more relaxed, with the odd giggle and grunt. Yeah, this idea is going to work!

Four hours later, I am shutting up shop and telling Emmett that the group needs to come together.

“Oh fucking hell!” Daphne exclaims. “Does anyone know how far away Mickerhop Inc is from here?”

“An hour...wait you have Mickerhop as a client?” Brian looks impressed. “That’s me sold. You have to sign with me! I do their advertising!”

“Okay, okay! But right now, their server has crashed and I need to get there to sort shit out. I need the keys, Justin.”

“How am I supposed to get home?” He grumbles as he hands them over.

“As long as you stick to the back roads, you should be fine.” I tell him.

“I am not walking back from here! It’s going to take me ages!” He complains.

“Uh Justin, I think she means that you could ask your friendly neighbourhood millionaire to give you a lift.”

“Oh.”

“This is where you ask him.” Daphne prompts.

“I don’t know the back roads that well so…”

“It’s okay. I can take a taxi.” Justin interrupts.

“Chyna, could you draw me a map or something?” Brian finishes with a glower in Justin’s direction.

“That helmet come with a mike?” He nods and within ten minutes, I have recorded directions back to their houses and watch them take off, with Justin holding himself as far away from Brian as he can!

“So, Woody’s?” I turn to Daph and she has the grace to blush.

“How did you know?” She giggles.

“Your phone didn’t flash.” I grin at her.

“He’s not the most tech savvy of people.” She snorts as we climb into the car.

BACKROADS TOWARDS BRITIN AND OPERA MANSIONS

JUSTIN

I am jolted somewhat forward, but pull myself back again and then I’m surprised as we pull over and he takes off his helmet. “Look, if you want to walk, just walk! But I am not going anywhere until you move forward and hold on tight, for your own fucking safety. Got it?!” I just nod and slide forward. When I wrap my arms around him, he puts the helmet back on but before we turn off into the backroads, I give a slightly indignant squeak as he reaches behind and pulls me closer!

Oh fuck, not good! Not good!

Twenty minutes later, we are riding through the most beautiful forest I have ever seen. The smell of pine and earth assail my senses. Those combined with the leather of his jacket is really too good! I lift my head in the vain hope that I can recognise anything so I can walk, but of course not!

Five minutes later, we stop and he takes off his helmet. “Look at that!” He declares and points in front of him.

“Oh my god, that is beautiful!” I scramble off the bike and start to make my way to the water’s edge. “Fuck!”

“What’s the matter? Are you hurt?” He asks, hurrying down to join me.

“No, my battery’s flat and I wanted to take a picture!” I grumble.

“For crying out loud, must you be so melodramatic?!”

“I was not being melodramatic! You jumped to conclusions and…” I stop talking as he has taken a handful of water and thrown it in my face! “What the fucking hell did you do that for?!”

“You were getting a little hot headed, so I decided to cool you off!” He retorts. “Come on, let’s get your princely ass home!”

I glare at him and wipe the water off my face, then stomp back to his bike.

“You still seem to be a little hot.” Brian says with a smirk. “Do I need to do it again?”

I ignore him and slide back on to the seat, then look out at the beautiful scenery once more, but my pride won’t allow me to ask him to take a picture. “It sure is beautiful.” I whisper and shuffle back a bit to let him him get on and when he does, I am surprised that he is facing me.

“Yeah, it is.” I hear him say, and suddenly his hands are on my face. He starts to lower his head.

“No tongues.” I murmur. He nods and as his mouth connects, he drops his hands. The kiss is soft and exploratory... too soft, too exploratory. I tug on his hair. “Is the no tongues thing working for you?”

“No.”

“Me neither.” I tell him and deepen the kiss, tentatively exploring his mouth. His response is surprising; he lets me take control. What my tongue does, he replicates but other than his mouth and tongue, he’s not not touching me.

I pull back and look at him. “Why aren’t you touching me? Am I that repulsive?!”

He doesn’t say anything so I get off the bike, my face burning with humiliation. “I think it would be best if one of us drops out of class. And since…”

“It hurts too much. I laid my heart open and it hurt too much when it got stomped on. Not even Cynthia knows all of it and she’s my best friend. I can’t and won’t put myself in the position of pain again; it just hurts too much.”

I stop stomping away and turn around. “Well at least you’ve opened your heart. I’ve not even done that! At least, you got to feel something!”

“You still want that lift home?” He asks quietly and with a small nod, I walk back and climb back on. This time, he doesn’t have to pull me closer.

CHAPTER 8 - HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE

JUSTIN

I feel his gloved hand wrap round my clasped ones and he moves them lower. “I need to breathe and you’re holding on too tight.” He explains and I just nod against his back. “Before we go, do you want to use my phone?” He points at the waterfall.

“Please.” I reply quietly and he hands it to me. “I won’t be long.” He waves me away and relaxes on the bike, looking ahead of him.

I am about to take my fifth picture when I feel him behind me. “Candy pink.” He says quietly and I turn around in confusion. “Your mouth and your nipples are the same candy pink colour. And to answer your question, no you’re not.”

“And I suspect the same can be said for my face. It feels as if it’s candy coloured right now.”

“Yep. Are you finished?” I just nod and stare at his zip. “This is where you give me my phone back.”

“Sure.” I look up at him and smile. “Lips are light cranberry. Can’t say much about your nipples, even though your skin tone suggests they are dusky pinky brown.”

“You’d be right about them. And we need to stop this conversation before…” I put my finger to his mouth and then gasp slightly when he sucks said finger into his mouth. I can barely breathe as his tongue slowly wraps around my now trembling digit and sucks at the same time.

“Please stop.” I whisper. “Or I will embarrass myself.”

He lets my finger slowly out of his mouth. “So I’m not repulsive either?”

“No. Can we go home now please?”

“Sure.”

WOODY’S - TWO HOURS LATER

VIC

I mop up the drink that I managed to spit out when Chyna and Daph described the hollow thunk of Michael’s head hitting the floor and David's look of, not concern, but disbelief and embarrassment.  

“Hey Vic, ladies!” Debs comes bustling over and immediately sits down. “So who do we have here?”

“Debs, this is Chyna. She runs THRUHELL4HEAVEN Studios; this is Daphne, she is Brian’s new computer person and this is Cynthia, who’s Brian’s assistant. Ladies, this is Debs, my sister and Michael’s’ mother.” They wave their hellos. “I take it they haven’t discharged him yet?”

“Discharged who?” She frowns.

“Michael. He knocked himself out attempting a back bend.”

“A back what?” She asks and then grimaces when Emmett shows her the picture.

“What on earth was he doing one of those for?” She sighs.

“Trying to impress Brian. He failed.” I reply bluntly and she curls her lip at me.

“Why did you say it like that, Vic? Michael can impress anyone, if…”

“Because he’s trying too hard. If he would just be himself, then…”

“He still wouldn’t land him. Brian doesn’t suffer fools, nor does he want to be in a relationship with one.” Cynthia retorts tartly, earning a narrowed eyed look from Debs. “I should know. As well as being his assistant, I am his best friend and I know everything about him.”

“Not everything.” A haughty voice intones. “I do believe I know more than you. After all, I shared his bed for a long time; something you’ve never done.”

We all turn to look at the person who spoke and although he is good looking, there’s an arrogance about him that makes him uglier than hell. And judging by the expression on Cynthia’s face, he’s someone whose ass she’s about to kick.

“You’ve crawled out of your coffin, I see. Shame, I had hope it was hammered shut.”

“A pleasure as always, Cynthia. So where is that errant boyfriend of mine? He’s overreacted a touch, as usual.”

“Yeah, imagine being upset about catching you in bed with someone else. How gauche of him to be upset.”

“I see he’s only given you the edited highlights so allow me to elucidate. I did not cheat on Brian. We have an open relationship and…”

“Oh, you do?” Cynthia smiles and he, whoever the fuck he is, looks smug. “Then you won’t mind him fucking Justin then? They should be into it by now, maybe on their third or fourth round. Seems that he’s finally found someone that can keep going.” His face falls in such a comical fashion that Cynthia snickers. “Yeah, so that’s you caught out in that lie. As I said, you cheated, you got caught, you are done.”

“I am far from done! I will get Brian back. He can’t and won’t function without the love of a good man.”

“So you like the house then, Adam?” We all turn to the bar where Brian is leaning. How long he’s been there is anyone’s guess.

“Yes, I love it.” Adam smiles at him and sidles up to the bar. “I can’t believe you bought that for me...for us…”

“Neither can I. It could’ve been an expensive mistake, but it’s not.”

“No, it’s not.” Adam looks over at an incredulous Cynthia. “As I told you Cynthia, Brian…” He pauses as Brian leans towards him and sniffs his neck. He moves his head so that he can have more access to him.

Brian smirks and leans back again. “But you are.”

“I am wh…”

“An expensive mistake and not one I intend to repeat. But right now, one I am glad I made. Hmm. You still smell of him, so I am assuming he’s waiting for you somewhere. Go to him, because you sure as fuck aren’t coming back to me!” Adam steps back slightly and frowns. “Cynthia, can you do me a favour please?”

“What’s that?” Her eyes light up. “Please tell me it’s that?!”

“Say hello to his Celiac.” He smiles at her and then saunters away. She nods at Chyna and Daphne, and all three of them approach the bar.

Adam is still watching Brian leave. Minutes later, we hear the sound of a motorbike revving off and then fading into the distance. He scowls at the door. “Asshole. And, what the hell is my….” Suddenly there is a thud and a strange wheezing noise. We whip our heads back to the bar where Adam is crumpled on the floor, and all three are back in their seats lightning quick.

“There, it’s just there!” Emmett calls out. “And in case you were wondering, that’s what it feels like to have your heart ripped asunder or in your case punched in the solar plexus!” He is writhing on the floor and is pale and sweating. “Your pain will ease soon enough, but there will be no getting jiggy with it for you tonight.”

“Adam! Adam, are you okay, baby?!” A man comes rushing up to him. “What happened? Did he hit you? Why can’t that fucker just accept we are together? I don’t know why he called you.”

“W...wa...wasn’t him. One...!” He grunts out.

“Which one of you bitches hit my boyfriend?”

“No bitch did!” Debs snarls and steps up to him. Immediately, he blenches and takes a couple of steps back. “There are no bitches in this place. There are ladies of refinement, elegance and decorum. And as for that boyfriend of yours, are you sure you’re together? Because he came here looking for his ex, not the other way around!”

“What?” He demands, looking at Adam suspiciously. “He did what?”

“Hmm, came straight from fucking you to hunt for Brian; didn’t even wash your smell off.”

“Didn’t even…” He leans down to Adam, who is now sitting up and looking furtive. “Well considering I haven’t been fucking him in the last two days, whomever did that to you, I thank them! Needless to say, by the time you get your breath back, I will have checked out of the hotel and got on with my life. Without you in it!”

“Jose…” Adam gasps out.

“Joshua, you asshole! The name you need to forget is Joshua!” He turns heel and flounces out.

“Joshua!” Adam calls out weakly and limps after him.

“Well that was fun!” Debs giggles and then sighs as her phone beeps. “His lord and master is ready for picking up now. Cynthia, I think you and I need to get together for some girl time to work out how my son and your best friend can become as one. He’s in that big house and there’s a legend about it.” Her eyes go misty. “Those who live in one or the other always find their true love...and I am going to make that come true for my Michael! Vic, give her my number and we will sort something out. Bye now!”

For a few minutes, we are too flummoxed to speak. “So Chyna, what was your idea?” I ask, shaking myself clear of the image of Brian and Michael doing anything together.

“Yeah…” Chyna grimaces. “I’ve decided instead of holding the King of Babylon Contest in 3 months, we’re going to be hosting a pole dancing contest, called Studs of the Silver Staff. They are going to be doing the tandem pole dancing to music at Babylon.”

“Justin will never do that!” Daph gasps.

“Yes, he will.” Chyna replies with surety.

“How can you be so sure? I’m not even sure Brian would do that!” Cynthia sighs exasperated.

“Because of the two first class tickets and all expenses paid trip to Australia, which is the prize for the winning couple.”

“Justin has always wanted to go to Australia, for pleasure not business.”

“Brian too.” Cynthia nods.

“Yeah, it’s amazing what a little bit of people watching will get you. I spotted Justin looking at the travel magazines in the studio and he gave this little sigh. Two minutes later, Brian was looking and he tore out the page…”

“Christ, you are determined to get them together, aren’t you?!” I laugh.

“Yep!” Chyna grins.

CHAPTER 9 - BURN BABY BURN...DISCO INFERNO...AND DRUNK IN LOVE

BRITIN - EARLY DAWN

MASTER BEDROOM

BRIAN

After he insisted on being dropped at the no man’s land between our two homes and walking from there, I rode back home and contemplated what just happened. It was a nice kiss, nice but restrained at first and then it changed, especially with the introduction of tongues. I could hear my suppressed groans and wondered if he could. When he pulled back, it took everything for me not to step forward and snatch him back into my arms. His eyes flashed with hurt and annoyance...he is going to be a bossy bottom. Although, I have no problem finding out what he’s like as a top.

My horny thoughts had a cold bucket of Adam poured on them when his text came through. I should’ve blocked him a long time ago...like seconds after I kicked them out of the house in what they were wearing...sweat and cum. I, at least let them finish, then I had the bed burnt! And then had the ashes sent to his workplace, with a note saying, this is now our relationship. I tried not to think about him much after that because it was like a stab to the heart, but every time I did see him around town, the pain and humiliation hit me in waves all over again. At first, I thought I had misread his text. So I read it again twice…

Start of flashback

OUTSIDE OF BRITIN - COUPLE OF HOURS EARLIER

God, I thought I was arrogant... well I am, but I am arrogant about the things I know to be true. I am good at my job. I wouldn’t be in this affluent position if I wasn’t. I am good looking. I am 9.5 by 2.5 and have never had any complaints! But this! I call Cyn. “Hey, where are you? You sound cheerful. Ah, Woody’s, okay. Look, I thought you would like to hear something amusing; Bri hey babe! Guess who?! Though, you won’t need to guess as I know you. You haven’t deleted my number. So I have caved and peaked; it is gorgeous! I don’t deserve you and I am truly sorry about that little slip up. I am coming home to you. Where should we meet so that we can start our life anew? Axx. Cyn, stop threatening my D&G! Of course, I am not going to do that! Yeah, will do that. Will take my latest baby for a ride. Bye, Cyn.

After I hung up, I swapped bikes. Pathetic schmuck that I was, I got us matching ones, and started to head out when another text came through so I replied with Woody’s...

End of flashback

I look across and can still feel his finger in my mouth even after all this time has elapsed. Then I have a thought and look at my sent texts and my face starts to warm as my suspicions are confirmed. He sent them to himself and not Daphne. I did wonder why he had that little smile on his face!

VIC AND DEBS’S HOUSE - MID MORNING

LOUNGE

DEBS

I glare at Vic as he snickers at the goose egg that Michael is now sporting atop his head. “So as I was saying! I found out a bit more about him. He has been cheated on and left heartbroken. You, my dear darling son, are the one that can fix his broken heart. Vic! Stop snorting like that! It’s undignified and undermining! You should be encouraging Michael. Did you give Cynthia my number?”

“Why does she need your number?” Michael frowns.

“So that I can find out everything about him, thus giving you an advantage over anybody else that has designs on him.”

“Like that Flaky Fairy, for instance. He needs to back off!”

“Who are you talking about, sweetheart?”

“I don’t see why you are bitching about Justin, when you have David…”

“David? Who’s David?” My head swivels between the two of them.

“He’s the chiropractor to the Iron Men and has made…”

“But is a lot older than me and he is no Brian! I mean he’s nice and all but…”

“But schmut, he’s a doctor! Has there been any interest, Vic?”

“Oh, just a bit.” He smirks. “But you would need to speak to Michael about that. Now, I’m going to see Emmett. We have our first delivery to the mansions today.”

“Ooh, so exciting! Who is in the other mansion? Have we found that out?” I sigh dreamily.

“At least, it won’t be the Flaky Fairy. God, Ma, you should see this guy; he is such a show off!”

“Justin? Wait, are you talking about the Justin that Cynthia mentioned yesterday?” I query. “Why would he need to back off and…”

“He can’t back off as much as you would like him to, Michael. He’s partnered with Brian, just like you are partnered with David!”

“Can someone please speak in English?!” I holler, completely exasperated.

“Basically Sis, Cocks and Asses were chosen and opposites from each were partnered up. Brian and David, though I am not sure why he’s on that team, are Cocks and Michael and Justin, or the Flaky Fairy as Michael bitchily quips, are Asses. Though, I think Justin is a more of a Cock.”

“Rubbish! He’s no more a Cock than I am!” Michael sneers.

“Too easy!” Vic snarks and reaches for his coat. “Michael, answer me this? Has Brian even looked at you ever since you met him? I mean…”

“Yes, he has…”

“With anything other than surprise, annoyance, contempt or pity?”

“Why would he look at my Michael like that?!” The more I hear of this Brian, the less I like him.

“The surprise comment is twofold. First, when he took on Chyna and then whenever they are in a group and Michael speaks, it’s almost as if he forgets he’s there. Annoyance, this again is a Chyna thing...because of him being lazy and arrogant, he got them extra exercises; contempt, because let’s face it, it is an easy emotion for people to feel for you, especially when you don’t own or apologise for your behaviour. As for pity, well that’s obvious when you injure yourself, as he would be a cold hearted bastard if he didn’t show at least a modicum of empathy. But he also pities you because you want him...and he knows that.”

“Sounds like he’s going to string you along, sweetheart. Maybe you should concentrate on David. He sounds much more attainable and reliable and…”

“No! I want Brian and I am going to get Brian! And I’m going to do it with or without your help or your pathetic attempts at support, Uncle Vic!”

“And where do you intend to conduct your liaison dangereuse? Because, it won’t be here!”

“And why not?” He demands.

“Well...if you keep speaking to me like that, you’re going to be finding somewhere else to live, now won’t you?”

“I’m going to bed. I’m tired.” He snipes and stomps upstairs.

“Vic, come on, don’t be like that.” I cajole. “We’ve always spoken fully and freely to each other!”

“Yeah, but there is a difference between speaking fully and freely to each other with politeness and speaking fully and freely to each other when you can more than afford the deposit on a new place. I’m pretty sure he has more than that $18 grand squirreled away!”

“Oh yes, I had forgotten about that! Thanks, Vic!!” I bridle, all romantic thoughts and notions forgotten. I look around the room and spot what I’m looking for. Striding over to his bag, I rifle through it and find his wallet. “So this David, what do you know about him?”

VIC

Gotcha! Now for some embellishing! I lean over her as she logs onto his computer. “How do you know his password?”

“What else is it going to be other than his hero Captain Astro and his birthday?” She sighs. “I told you. And I am assuming that his bank login details are the...seriously, he’s a hacker’s wet dream! Let’s see here.” When the balance is displayed, we both go quiet. “I think he needs to start paying rent directly, don’t you?”

“Absolutely, including the rent he owes you, Sis. He has over $30K in there!” Ten minutes later, she has set up a direct debit and has paid herself back.  “So are you going to say anything to him?”

“No. But, he must have gotten more money in compensation when he had that accident at the Big Q than we thought, Vic. Hey, don’t look like that! It was investigated and it was an accident…”

“Than we thought? It has nothing to do with what we think and everything to do with what we were told. And just because on record it was an accident, doesn’t mean it wasn’t a deliberate and orchestrated occurrence. Michael at the end of the day is my nephew but I, unlike some folks, are not blind to his faults. If there is a way of getting out of something, he will find it. Note how anytime you ask him to do anything at the diner, he’s always in pain from the accident. But when I tell him to do it or suffer a consequence, that same pain is miraculously gone. Sis, you’ve always coddled him to the point of crippling; it’s what he’s always counted and played on. But now you see for yourself that he’s treating you like he treats everyone else.” I point to the screen again. “Let the boy become a man. And he won’t become a man if you try and steer him in Brian’s direction. Brian is a playboy when all said and done. You’ve heard of the list, right?” She nods. “Guess who tops the snog and fuck ones…”

“So, David is…” She begins.

“If you are wanting sophisticated and suave, then he’s your man. I think he would be good for Michael and will polish him up a bit. You know, nurture his cultured side, bring him a bit away from the comics and the action figures. Brian is a good looking rich man, it’s true. But having come out of what he’s come out of, and you wanting for Michael what you know is best for him...it will only lead to heartache for Michael if he continues to pursue Brian.” I pause a couple of minutes. “And you don’t want that for your son, do you?”

She nods slowly in understanding and I leave her to work her own brand of Novotny magic to get Michael the man of her dreams, not necessarily his!

BABYLON - THURSDAY, NEARLY MIDNIGHT

CHYNA

Well, it’s been a week of dullness. Brian, Cynthia and Ted were on lockdown with meetings with Daph, wrestling their IT into the 21st century. There’s been no chance to announce in class because we’ve not had one, but I have told everyone that they have to be there on Sunday or else!

But it’s time for them to get their freak on. I have been watching the pair of them and something has clearly happened, but what?

I look across at the group that has now formed and sadly, this does include a recovered Pinchpenny as well as Basilisk, who has slimed up to join them.

Dream looks across at me helplessly as still they dance apart. So annoying! Time to bump this up a notch.

“Babylonites! Your attention please, I have an announcement and a request! The announcement, first... There won’t be a King of Babylon contest in three months’ time. Now, just a minute before you start to burn me at the cross, listen up! There will be another competition. The Studs of the Silver Staff. Ah, that got your attention, didn’t it?! So, as you know, the finalists for Kings of Babylon are always taken from my class. That said, the current class attendees, the Cocks and Asses, you know who you are, will be competing in a tandem pole dancing contest in Babylon instead. And because of the brevity of the outfit, skill and dexterity required in this, there will be a prize...an all expenses paid first class trip to Australia for the winning pair.“ I step back as the whooping and hollering begins. “I mean it has to be Australia when the dancers are going to be wearing this…”

“And only that…” I look across at Brian and then Justin. Both have a definite not going to happen expressions on their faces. “...on their bodies but they will be allowed a masque, something like this…” I indicate that the guy should put it on and the entire club goes quiet.

“Which will afford the participants a bit of mystique...the mask is optional. If you want to be out and proud then so be it, but an air of mystery would be good too, no? Now onto the request. It’s one...from, he prefers to go by the name of Desperado and this is to the Eagle; oh now that sounds like a challenge...Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough. Now everyone eyes front and on me...he wants to know, Eagle, if you accept? All you have to do is nod…challenge accepted!”

I put the song on, and although everyone is dancing, I know they are asking who are Desperado and the Eagle?

DAPH

I head to the bar desperate for some water and Justin follows. “So who do you think they are?!” I ask excitedly. He shrugs. “Aren’t you curious? Maybe it’s that guy with the Eagle tattoo?!”

“Too obvious!” He shouts back.

“And too childish!” Basilisk snarks, having not moved one inch from the bar. He and Pinchpenny have been nursing a bottle of water each all night, except, of course, when someone else is buying the drinks!

“I agree, David, only the desperate and pathetic would do that!” Pinchpenny sneers.

I catch the admiring glance all three of them give Brian as he comes off the floor with Emmett. He’s grinning. “So we’re going to do this then?!” He demands chuckling.

“What’s going on?” Justin asks...finally speaking to him, for fuck sake!

“You know the SFA list? We’re trying to figure out who on there is Desperado and who is the Eagle. I mean, it takes a certain amount of bravery to throw down a challenge like that. Wonder what his song is going to be?”

“I completely agree, Brian. A little bit of old fashioned courtship is nice these days with all the technology that we have.” David smarms, but Brian is too busy looking at the list with Emmett to hear him.

“Okay, so we can cut anyone below the top 10 on each list.” Emmett declares.

“Why?” Justin frowns.

“They have been voted for their fuckability and allure. The ones below have been voting for themselves…” Emmett replies with conviction, which elicits more frowning. “...to push themselves up the list, but no doubt there is something in place that stops that.”

“There wasn’t, but there is now. This is a true representation of what people think. Wowsers, Brian and Justin are tied for top spot on both S and F. Funny, have you two actually done anything? Your first night does not count, Brian.”

“Nope.” Justin says quickly and Brian shakes his head.

“Funny how you are fuckable on paper, but not in real life!” Michael snipes. “I mean you, Justin; not you Brian, obviously!”

Flaring of David’s nostrils, duly noted!

“Real smooth! However, you two still top the A-list on paper and the only conversations you’ve had in real life tonight have been with each other. Not one person has approached you. Whereas those two get hit on the moment they hit the floor…” I assert. “...the bar. The bathroom. People try to call them into the backroom. The general area of Pittsburgh.”

“Okay Babylonites, we have a counter challenge from Eagle to Desperado...he says play Hot Stuff for the Hot Stuff and bring it on!”

My ears were still ringing an hour later from the cheer that went up!

“Don’t forget to put the CD on!” I yell at Justin as we made our way drunkenly to the car four hours later.

“I won’t!” He hiccups. “Have to send him to beddy byes, with his wonderful green eyes!” He croons as he slides into the car. “Does...doesn’t think am respons...no repuse...ugly. Sucked fin...fin...this!” He waves his hand at me. “Jude night, am in lobe...make him better!” He mumbles before curling up into a small ball and passing out!

CHAPTER 10 - WORKING UP A SWEAT....PUT YOUR HANDS ALL OVER ME

THRUHELL4HEAVENSTUDIOS - SUNDAY MORNING

CHYNA

BAD IDEA! I slowly straighten up and wait for my insides to resettle. I keep looking ever hopeful at my phone, but again the bastards haven’t cancelled! However, I haven’t the guile nor energy to be a Grade A bitch today. I blame lockdown drinking and, of course, Emmett! He is incorrigible! Just one drink he said...so five drinks later, we were being helped in to our cars, with keys firmly removed from our possession.

I hear the trudge of weary footsteps and low mutterings, but do catch the words Vicodin and spawn of Satan. I would laugh if I didn’t think that it would hurt. It takes 3 attempts for Campbell to open the door and he looks a rather unattractive shade of green. He claps his hand over his mouth and rushes back out again.

I look around at my motley and quite frankly, grotty looking crew then resign myself to doing the needful. “Okay.” I croak. “Nothing strenuous. We need to completely detox. Let’s wait for Campbell to come and then we will go downstairs.” There is slow nodding. “In...oh, fuck my life...the meantime, try and sit in a place you can actually get up from, so not on the floor.”

“Unlike you reprobates…” David lectures. “...Michael and I are not suffering any alcoholic effects. That’s what pure water does for you.”

“Yeah, it also keeps you on the A-list and makes you a supercilious DAFT in the morning!” I gripe. I may not be able to do much physically, but my tongue still packs a mean punch!

Drew laughs tiredly, as the angry blush stains David’s face. “Okay, what does that mean?” Ems asks from his perch on the yoga mats.

“Something insulting, no doubt. She does have a love for acronyms.” David sneers.

“I am succinct and to the point, cupcake!” I sneer back.

“Cupcake…why?” Ted asks.

“Sweetie, she didn’t say cupcake.” Daph chuckles. “She just spoke real quick and lowered her voice in the middle.

“Fast and...oh!” Ted starts to nod in admiration, but changes his mind.

Finally, Campbell comes back and I bid them all to rise, apart from David and Michael, who both glower slightly. “I hope you are giving me my money back for this missed class.”

“You’re not missing the class; you are just being put through your paces by someone else. One second.” I walk passed them and catch the sneering stare David gives me. Yep definitely DAFT! I locate my precious in the form of Sade. She looks up from stretching at my approach and grimaces.

“Told you to stop at the third one but you were at dribbling stage, so there was no reasoning with you.” I glare at her smugness and then grin. “Okay, I had a feeling that you guys would need this, so prepped some ahead. They’re in the fridge. Now who do I get to put through and want me to boot it up?”

“Yeah please and it’s the King and Consort of the A-List.”

“How bad?”

“How bad do I look?”

“Oh goody! Let me take that while you get the towels and rescue kit.” She orders, and after flicking it on, follows me upstairs. “Oh dear God, you guys look like shit!” She guffaws.

“Some of them do. Michael and I were on water last night so…”

“You two were born like that.” Sade interrupts. “So you two are what happens when families breed together?” He opens his mouth. “Now before you speak, you should be aware that I will be the one taking you two through your paces. You might want to play nice.”

“Right, the rest of you with us.” I order and we shuffle downstairs. “Now, before we go inside, you need to take one of these and drink that at the same time.”

“What is it?” Brian has finally joined us in speaking.

“Milk thistle is the pill and ginger and spinach is the smoothie.” Sade advises and watches as we each take it. “Okay go on in, get changed. Daph, we’ve got a bikini for you”

“Changed? Bikini?” Justin is actually speaking with his eyes closed.

“Sometimes only a sauna will do.” I mutter and strip down before opening the doors to the sauna and steam room.

“Anyone who sits in that corner over there will feel my wrath.” Brian croaks.

“Duly noted.” She says. “Now strip down and get in there!” Sade orders before heading back upstairs.

“I am too hungover to be bothered by changing. Y’all are just gonna have to see my junk today.” Ems mutters and strips down before grabbing a towel and padding naked as a bluejay to the opposite corner to Brian. With a shrug, Brian does the same and soon all us are naked and sighing as the steam does its thing.

“I would kill for a face masque right now.” Brian murmurs.

“Oh balls!” I gripe and go outside for the rescue kit. “Okay everyone, pair up with their respective Cocks and Asses and sit opposite each other in the same spot.” Slowly they move into position and I go from pair to pair, handing them a bottle of oil and some pads. “I want you to apply the oil to each other’s faces. This is the detoxifying stuff, which I use, and since I don’t normally look like Methuselah's Bride when she’s been out in the sun too long, you know it’s good. Now crack on! Does anybody need Vicodin now? Just raise your hands.” No hands go up.

JUSTIN

I wish I had my towel right now. The only saving grace is that we are all naked. I read the label and he stares at me. “I have sensitive skin.” I explain and he just slowly nods. “So am I doing you first?” Again, he nods so I move slightly closer. I then splash some of the oil into my hands before applying it to his face gently, but also as quickly as I can. He doesn’t say anything just lets me do it. “Is that OK?” I ask and he gives me a smile.

“Okay swap.” He orders and I shuffle into his spot and it’s so warm that I squirm. “Let me show you how you do a facial.” He murmurs before applying the oil to his hands and rubbing it in slowly before putting both hands over my face. “Inhale.” He demands and I do so. “The smell of the oils will help your sinuses.” He advises and then proceeds to use his fingertips to massage my face in gentle circular motions before tapping under my eyes. I feel myself frowning. “Helps with the draining of the eyebags.” My eyes fly open and I glare at him. “Not that you have them, of course...thanks to the draining.” He adds, smirking. I am about to get him to stop when he starts to work behind my ears and towards the middle of the base of my skull. All thoughts of annoyance disappear under his gentle, but firm, ministrations and I sigh contentedly.

“Can you teach me how to do that?” I murmur with my eyes closed.

“Sure.”

“Okay, that’s enough now! Hit the showers and then take your asses home and to bed. I will send you guys emails about what the Studs of the Staff involves because quite frankly, I need sleep!” Chyna declares before heading out and the rest of them following.

I feel him move away and keep my eyes closed for a few more minutes before opening them and find myself alone. I blink a couple of times and feel nothing. Not a damn thing. I had put in enough eye drops to flood the desert and they were still sore and gritty, but now I can blink without wincing!

I head to the changing rooms, and again I am alone. I can hear music coming from upstairs, and the imperious tones of Sade, ordering them to go faster, try harder and stop bitching! I bet they wish they had gotten drunk with us reprobates now, instead of standing there and watching with looks of disgust. I suddenly remember I had left the towel in there and head back.

I come to a halt when I find Brian lying down with his head on my towel and he appears to be sleeping. I know that he’s going to get dehydrated if he stays asleep in here, so as not to startle him, I clear my throat and slowly his eyes open. “You can’t stay here. You…” I try not to drink in the majesticness is that his naked body. “...will get sick with dehydration. And you’re resting on my towel.”

“Come and get it.” He whispers, and pulls it from under his head, holding it out to me. I will my legs to move; I am never one to back down from a challenge and his eyes are challenging me. I walk towards him and before I can take it, he drops it on the floor. But I keep walking towards him. When I feel his hand on my hip, I swallow hard and slowly clamber on top of him. “We’re just going to kiss, okay?” I whisper and he slowly nods. As I lean down, he meets me halfway and takes my hand.

CHYNA

For fuck sake! Sade would toast my tits if I had left the sauna on all day! As I step down, I stop and scramble for my phone...oh, that is the money shot!

CHAPTER 11 - ONE WAY OR ANOTHER HE THINKS HE’S GONNA GET YA

CHYNA

I make my way back upstairs as quietly as I can. I decide to go with a note approach. After a quick scribble, I pin it to the door and make my way out. I will change the code when I come back, but right now I am going to sleep the sleep of a smug Cupid!

SAUNA

JUSTIN

“I, I mean, we really need to stop.” I pant as I pull my lips reluctantly away and smile at his moue of disappointment. “No, seriously, we’re naked and kissing and need to...wrapping your legs around me is not helping.”

“Wasn’t aware I was supposed to be helping.” He murmurs. “Besides, you are nice and sweaty and slippery enough to slide down and out from my grasp...but if you wanted to take a stop on the way, I wouldn’t complain.”

I narrow my eyes at him, ready to be annoyed, when I see the little light of laughter in his and relax.

“Are you always this quick to see the bad in people?” He frowns.

“Yeah, a bit. When you do what I do, you are always wary.” I reply, resting my chin on my folded arms, which are on his chest.

“Me too. But you have your bullshit filter and detector in Daph, like I do in Cynthia. And besides, we are naked having a conversation, albeit a slightly hungover one, in a sauna. With some added teasing and that’s all it is. I’m teasing you. Trust me, I don’t do that often.”

“Okay, taking the teasing lead from you. As tempting as that would be, and that is a lot of temptation, I’m pretty sure that Chyna and Sade would be pissed if we got off in here.”

He barks a laugh and then winces...and so do I. “Sorry. But you raise a good point, and when she’s pissed she invents more ways to punish us with planking.” He lowers his legs, but loops his arms around my waist. “So you going to move?”

“Yep.” I slide upwards to lower my head and again he meets me halfway.

DINER - TUESDAY LUNCHTIME

VIC

I’m not laughing. Well, not that he can see anyway. It’s been almost two days since the almost-temperance men were put through their paces, and Michael has only just stopped wincing everytime he moves. Emmett comes through the door, smiling and waving a piece of paper.

“What you got there?” Debs asks, reaching for it but he holds it close to his chest.

“Vic, could you double check these…” He pauses as his phone beeps and so does mine. “...holy mother of...office now!” He orders and virtually drags me in.

“Ouch, Ems! What is it?” I rub my arm.

“Look at your phone!” He squeals, leaping up and down.

“Holy crap!” I exclaim as I look at the picture. “When did that happen?!”

“Well that looks like the sauna room, so am going to go with Sunday.” He is grinning so hugely, I can’t help smiling back. “However, I still think we should proceed with the order switcheroo.”

“Why? Judging by that, they don’t need our help.”

“Oh no! No, they need our help still!” He insists firmly. “This was a hangover kiss; it means nothing. Well not as much as it could. What we have to do is get one of them on the other’s home territory.”

“Okay, Ems. So what do you suggest?” I stop his answer when I hear a creak and swiftly open the door. Michael tumbles inside hitting the side of his head when he lands.

“Well, this ought to be good.” Ems says dryly.

“I was just leaning against the door, doing up my shoelace.” He replies.

“You landed on the side of your head. Does it hurt?” Ems asks, sweetly.

“No, it’s fine.” He looks between the pair of us.

“Was there anything else?” I ask. “Your lace is all done up now.”

“Uh no, well we’re getting a bit busy in there, so Ma wondered if you could come back out.”

“We’re getting busy, did you hear that Ems? I’m so proud! He’s finally coming to work for me. It will keep you busy instead of doing nothing apart from moaning about your exercise pain and moping about the Big Q accident. Now grab an apron and start bussing tables.”

“Oh but my…”

“Ah Michael, there you are.” A haughty voiced man steps uninvited into the office. “I…”

“What are you doing in here?” I demand, walking up to him and causing him to walk back into the hallway. “I do not like people coming into my office uninvited!”

“Uncle Vic, don’t be so rude! David, my…”

“This is David!” Deb shrieks and I have to dig my nails into my hand to avoid bursting out laughing at the mutual pinched expressions on their faces. “Let me see you!” She bustles in and turns him around. “Oh yes, a very handsome man! I’m Debs, Michael’s mother. He’s told me a lot about you.”

“He has.” David smirks and stands up straighter.

“Yes, lots. So what are you doing here? Have you come to see Michael?”

“Yes, I have. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Debs, wasn't it? I’d love to stay and chat, but if you’ll excuse me, I just wanted to discuss our routine for…”

“Not here!” Michael hisses. David is not impressed with being hissed at. “We’re supposed to have an air of mystery.”

“Not with each other!” He replies as tightly. “Besides, I was merely going to suggest that we practice a bit more. We wouldn’t want a repeat of that embarrassing concussion causing incident, now would we?”

Michael goes pink and glares at him. “I wouldn’t have slipped if someone had been holding me correctly.” He grinds out, always quick to shift blame as usual.

“Boys, let’s not have a lover’s tiff right now.” Debs interrupts.

“Lover’s tiff?! Hardly!” David scoffs, but then catches the look on Debs’s face. “We haven’t even had a first date yet!”

“Then let’s remedy that now. Michael’s free this evening. In fact, he’s free most evenings and only uses Babylon and the class to occupy him. Maybe you could change that?”

“Ma!” Michael shrieks, blushing. “David, I am so sorry! I…”

“What for? I think it’s a nice idea.” He smiles at him.

“You do?” Michael looks surprised and then pleased. “Okay, then. When?”

“How about Wednesday?”

“As in tomorrow?!” Debs gasps. “Where will you go? Is that enough time to book somewhere nice?”

“If he’s available, yes, and yes, it will be enough time. So, Michael, what do you say? Do we have a date?”

“Yes, we do.” He grins.

“That’s just great but, um, can you leave my office now, please? I really do need to speak to Emmett in private as I was before Michael eaves...interrupted.”

When we are alone once more, we have to stuff our fists in our mouths to muffle our laughter. It takes a good few minutes for us to calm down. “So what do you think David’s up to?” I ask Ems, who had been very quiet during this exchange.

“Well judging by the text Chyna sent me, she’s been doing some digging and has found out who he’s tipping his hat at.”

“Oh, who’s that?”

“Brian.”

“Brian as in Brian?! He doesn’t even like the man!”

“I know and according to Daph, during Saturday evening, there was a marked degree of annoyance when Michael was complimenting Brian about his prowess on the list.” Ems frowns and then grins slowly. “I take it judging by her reaction, you are wanting David for Michael, and have dripped a word in Debs’s ear?”

“Yes.” I say cautiously.

“Try and find out where they are going tomorrow. Leave the rest to me.” He beams and with a kiss to my cheek, sweeps out to do some romantic and not so romantic meddling.

I shake my head at the exit of my dear friend and take out my phone to quickly dial Chyna’s number. “Hey there, sweetheart. We need to do something about Tight End and the Quarterback. Can you do exactly what it was you did to get everyone talking about Desperado and the Eagle but a little bit of a pre-dance surprise? We need to give the vultures something else to feast on. Thanks, darling. Bye.”

KINNETIC - LATE AFTERNOON

BRIAN’S OFFICE

CYNTHIA

It isn’t often I get to see Brian squirm and he is definitely squirming. Ted and I are waiting for his explanation about his exploits on Sunday.

“So?” I prompt as he continues to stare at the picture.

“Where did you get this, again?” He tries to stall.

“This does not look like your first kissing rodeo.” Ted observes, looking at his phone with a cheeky smirk.

“Still in probationary period, Schmidt.” He growls, although, he too is smirking.

“Aha! When was the first one?!” I squeal.

He stares at us for a few seconds before he hands me back my phone. “First, can you send that to me? And secondly, in the forest by a waterfall when I took him home after the first class.”

“And...this is where you provide details.” I kick his desk.

“That was details.” He responds quietly and I frown.

“It was?” Ted looks at me for confirmation and I nod.

“Right, go back to work then. I don’t pay you to gawk or talk about my lo...pers...stuff.”

As we file out, I can’t help but smile. He always tells me everything about his life. The fact he’s giving bare details is promising, very promising!

E’S HOUSE OF DELIGHT - AN HOUR LATER

EMS

I am a happy camper, although slightly deaf in one ear as Daph, having been in a client meeting for most of the day, has only just opened the text from Chyna. I am finishing off their first orders and am humming to myself when the door opens and a tangerine dream walks in!

“Emmett Honeycutt?” A voice demands from behind said dream.

“Yes.” I breathe. “A-are those for me?” I stammer. “As in actually me, not a client?”

“Yes. Well, would you like me to read the message?”

“Y-yes please.” I sit down and just stare at them.

“Someone told me that you like tangerine, so I figured I’d start with these. Please choose my return flowers if you wish to take this further. I like purple, red and pink.”

I reach for the pad and start to scroll through while checking that those flowers have not run away. Ten minutes later, I have made my choice. “Are you sure now, Mr Honeycutt?” The delivery guy smiles as yet again, I hover.

“Yes, I’m sure. This is them. Um, my message is: I’d like to meet at Babylon on Saturday night at eleven. Be wearing purple or pink and wink.”

“An excellent choice with an excellent message. I shall ensure he gets it. No sir, the charge is paid for.”

“No, absolutely not! Whoever it is cannot buy their own flowers. It is just not done! I will pay cash and that is an end to it!” I declare and pull out my wallet and wait.

“Fine, sir. That will be $68 plus tax.”

“Thank you kindly. Bye, sweetie.”

BABYLON - HALF AN HOUR LATER

CHYNA

I look up as my delivery man comes in. “What did he pick?” I demand, excitedly.

“These! Aren’t they gorgeous?!” Carey squeals. “So how are you going to do the Quarterback then?”

“Disco Shirt Friday.” I explain. “Naturally, I will be picking the shirt for the Cocks and Asses, failure to wear will result in penalties. Of the exercise kind...on Saturday.”

REMEDY BAR AND RESTAURANT, LAWRENCEVILLE - WEDNESDAY EVENING

DAVID

This has to be one of the most awful places I have ever had the misfortune to have a date in. But in hindsight, it is the perfect place as nobody knows me here!

“So what do you really think of the list?” He asks, moving the appetiser closer to him...again.

“Personally, I think it is a little childish. Are they nice?” I ask pointedly as he starts to eat quickly.

“Hmm. It was a shame that the other places we wanted to book were full…”

“Yes. Such a shame.” I reach across and move the appetisers to the middle of the table and fix him a hard look. “So how well do you know Emmett?”

“He’s one of my friends. Not as much of a friend as he thinks he is, though. I’ve known him for years and to be honest, he’s a little too flaming for me but he serves a purpose. As for Ted, not a fan, at all! He looks down on me. I can’t stand people who do that.” He then pauses and looks across the room. “What the fuck is that guy wearing? He does not have the figure for that top! Some people have no idea about clothes.”

Irony thy name is Michael!

“So how does Brian fit into the group?”

“He’s Ted’s boss and new to the area. He’s bought one of the big mansions out of town.”

“Really?”

“Yeah and he’s just come out of a bad relationship. No offence, David. I mean, you’re nice and all but it’s Brian I want and Brian I am going to get. Nothing is going to get in my way! I am a very resourceful man. If I want something bad enough, I get it and I want him bad. For example, I didn’t want to work anymore, so I fixed it that I didn’t.”

“I see. However, there is the little Justin issue...”

“Who? The Flaky Fairy? What about him? He’s nothing! Just a pretty boy with a fat and most probably, well used ass.”

“I don’t get that vibe off of him.”

“You obviously don’t know how to read people, David. His attempts to sniff around Brian are pathetic and all for naught. I saw the guy that Brian tricked with, and Flaky Fairy is not his type. His type is more... me. I mean, it could be you if you were younger, but you’re not.” He looks at his watch and sighs. “Okay, that’s me done. Let’s go halves on this, shall we? I have a Marvel Marathon to watch. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we are going to win the pole dancing thingy in 3 months. But just so you know, I will be taking Brian with me.”

I am flabbergasted!

CHAPTER 12 - HOW’D YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS IN THE MORNING?

BRITIN - FRIDAY MORNING

KITCHEN

BRIAN

I can’t believe how ridiculously excited I am about my first food order! I keep looking up the drive to see the van. When my phone beeps, I smile. “Great minds think alike but am in the kitchen staring at the drive!” I text back to the one from Justin, saying he’s sitting on his roof waiting for his delivery. I still can’t believe what we did last night. Ems must have been driven mad by the last minute changes we made!

But that is nothing compared to what Chyna emailed the guest list at Babylon last night. It’s Disco Inferno Ugly Shirt Knight. Naturally, David had to email to say that she had spelt night wrong, until she fired back that the person who was wearing the ugliest shirt would be crowned Sir for the night. So as a Knight of the Realm, it is the correct spelling, and as said Sir, he would get a slave of his choice, who would have to do his bidding all night! So, when we turn up on the door, we just take a sealed pack and we have to give up our shirt or we don’t get in. I am not looking forward to this!

I look up as I hear the crunch of gravel and the van is here. “Calm down, Kinney. It’s only fucking food!” I berate myself, while sending Justin a text to say it’s arrived so should be with him soon!

“Nobody says yay with sprinkles!” I snicker as I open the door and wave the guy in. But ten minutes later, I am in the van and we're on our way to Justin’s. I had to direct the driver as he had no idea how to get there...okay, I want to see his roof!

VIC AND DEB’S HOUSE - 20 MINUTES LATER

LOUNGE

MICHAEL

I glare at the screen and wait for the idiot on the other end of the phone to get her manager to sort out the money in my bank account, which is considerably less than it should be. “Yes, this is he. I have been holding for ages! Well, when you have a busy day, two minutes is a long time. Well yes, there is a huge problem. I should have more money in there than what’s showing. Can you tell me what happened? Yes, I know I could look at the transaction screen, but I want you to tell me, as these calls are recorded and that way we're both covered. Ah, I see. Right. Well I don’t remember doing that, but I was suffering from a concussion round that time. Oh well, I will get that back off of her. Was anything else set up around that time I may have been accidentally been responsible for? Oh, I see. That's most unfortunate.” Fuming, I cut the call just as Ma comes in with Uncle Vic.

Uncle Vic looks me up and down and grimaces. “Have you even bathed yet or have just sat there marinating your own mankiness?”

“I have been on the phone to the bank, trying to sort out my finances. So when were you going to tell me, Ma?” I stare accusingly at her.

“Tell you what? I thought you could smell your own overdeveloped musk!” She snaps, curling her lip in disgust. “For goodness sake, have some pride and get yourself cleaned up! How do you think you are going to keep a man of David’s calibre if you don’t have some pride in yourself?!”

“I don’t want David! Like I have said repeatedly, I want Brian. And I have also made it clear to David that he doesn't have a chance with me. He’s okay for the stupid ass competition, which to be honest, if it wasn’t for the prize, I wouldn’t even bother with him at all. But if you want him so bad, then you date him! Shame he's not…”

“I dare you to finish that sentence and hope to stay in this house!” Uncle Vic growls and steps up to me. “You and your attitude both stink. Change it or get the fuck out!”

“Ma knows that I am joking, Uncle Vic. I thought you knew that too.” I blink up at him slowly. It works with Ma. You never know it might work with him, too.

“You never joke, Michael. You make nasty remarks with a ghoulish smile. Being pretty only takes you so far but your ugliness bleeds through every time. Now get upstairs and out of our sight and noses! Sis, where’s the Lysol?”

I head upstairs to my room without another word to either of them. I can’t believe he just spoke to me like that! I can’t wait until Brian and I are together then I can blow this old folks home. I have been looking at the pictures of Britin and it is just my sort of place... very majestic! And if he gets annoying, I can have one wing to myself while he can have the other.

VIC

I look at Debs and she’s still shellshocked from this morning’s developments. Now this, I feel has sealed his doom for him. “Sis? Sis? Do you want me to make you a coffee?”

“No, something a lot stronger!” She grumbles, heading determinedly to the drinks cart. “I still can’t believe it.”

“Believe it, Sis. I’ve always thought he felt like this, but to have said it...”

“He took it well, considering.” She tries. “Oh Vic, what am I going to do?”

“Nothing. Let it be handled by someone better than you.” I reply darkly.

I take out the shopping and shake my head at the steaks that I had bought, thinking it would be nice to have for dinner tonight. Well he can go fuck himself on that one…

Start of flashback

GROCERY STORE - AN HOUR EARLIER

VIC

“And whom do you think you are buying those for?” Ems pokes his head between our shoulders, grinning. “They look like nice steaks. What’s the occasion?”

“Oh nothing. Just a nice family dinner tonight.” Debs answers and then frowns. “Do either of you know that guy who is staring at us?”

We look across, and while I don’t recognize him, Ems breaks into a grin. “Hey, Mr Delivery Man! How are you? Were they delivered safe and sound?”

“They were indeed, Mr Honeycutt. I was on my way to see you with a message, but I didn’t like the box it came in, so was getting another one…”

“You have the message on you right now?” Ems gasps, starting to grin wider.

“Uh yes. But…”

“Oh please, pretty please!” He bats his eyes and I can see the guy’s resolve starting to weaken.

“Can I at least put it in the box and then show you?” He smiles.

“Yes! Ooh there’s a cafe just over there, so you can show us in there! I know the two of you are dying to know, too.”

CAFE - 15 MINUTES LATER

Ems stir his coffee thoughtfully. Debs is close to exploding! “It seems. I have an admirer. He sent me these.” He turns his phone to face us and her eyes light up. “Gorgeous, aren’t they? And in return, I sent him these.”

“Oh my goodness, Ems, they are beautiful! So what happens next?”

“We meet in Babylon and he is to be wearing pink to make wink and…”

“Sorry that’s not quite right, Mr Honeycutt.” Mr Delivery Man comes up, grinning. “Slight change in plan. You are required to wear this, so that he can kiss the hand of his Prince.” He hands him the box which he opens and quickly closes. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“His Prince?” Ems echoes.

“Ems?!” Debs tries to take the box off of him but he pulls back. “Well at least show us then!”

Slowly, he opens it again and turns the box.

The entire table is silent as is the table behind. “Heavens!” A well dressed Otter gasps. “If you don’t want that, I’ll take it!”

“Get in line!” I declare. “Nice and chunky!”

“What’s the message?” Mr Delivery Man prompts.

“First, what is your name?”

“Tinklebell.”

“Tinklebell?” We all repeat dumbfounded and then we twig when he wiggles his hips and there it is a little tinkle of a bell. Ems, of course, can’t help but burst out into raucous laughter.

“I don’t care what he wants to say; you are all kinds of awesome!” The Otter beams.

“What who wants to say?” I ask.

“That Stinky Tinky Dinky Winky, hops round like the he’s something special. Oh, you should’ve heard him at dinner. He didn’t see me of course, too busy wallowing in his greatness like a pig in its own shit! I mean, the guy he was with is no better! But the overbearance of the man...Sheesh!”

“Who are you talking about and what has whosoever been saying about me?!” Ems exclaims.

“Oh, I don’t know his name. I just know him as the Stinky Tinky Dinky Winky or Big Q-Skidder. He said he slipped in their store and got a shitload of money from them. Slipped my ass! I’ve heard told that he did it deliberately and paid some of his comp to his attorney to keep quiet, rather coincidental that said attorney gave up his practice after he took on that case.”

I watch both Ems and Debs go pale. “So, um what did he say about him? This irascible person, I mean.”

“That you’re too much of a flamer for him and he’s only using your friendship to get Brian. I believe his exact words were, ‘he serves a purpose’. But at least we know who not to vote for during the Studs of the Staff. While he was dumping his date, he said that he would win and would be taking Brian with him on the trip. Not sure if he meant that Brian is one of the Studs or not though.”

Tinklebell looks at Ems and then points at the ring. “That A-Lister will be lucky to get the wrapper to sniff, such is his charm. He will never get one of those. Hold onto that.” He gives his hips another swivel and that brings a smile to his face, but I can see he is still hurt. Ted warned him that STD was out for nobody but himself. “So what's the return message?”

“Do I have to wear it on my finger?” Ems smirks.

“I’ll pass that on!” He giggles and strides out.

5 MINUTES LATER

Debs and I make our way back home and I vow to have a word with Chyna before she sorts through those shirts!

End of flashback

“You know what, Sis. We’ll take a leaf out of his book...and look after ourselves.”

OPERA HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER

KITCHEN

JUSTIN

This is has gone from the ridiculous to the preposterous! We are in our...my kitchen, sorting through our deliveries. “But I want the blueberries! You said you don’t like blueberries.” I pout and try to wrest them out of his box, but he swats my hand away. “Ouch, no hitting! Aha, the kumquats!”

“No! Here have the blueberries!” He hands them over quickly. “I thought I ordered the baby kale.”

“You did! Here! How do you eat that?”

“With crispy garlic and chilli. It’s wonder...what?” He frowns.

“The look on your face when you described that... Okay, you have to make that for me!”

“Now?” He starts to rifle through cupboards before turning to face me. “Do you own any cookware?” I decide to find the delivery box very interesting. “Justin? Do you and Daph know how to cook?”

“Yes. I make a very mean…” I trail off when he lifts my chin so that I am looking at him while trying to think of a plausible lie! Then think fuck it just go with the truth! “I’ve never had to. I’ve always had staff or gone from hotel to hotel and…” He silences me with a very soft, and I hope non-judgemental, kiss.  

“So, what would you like to know how to cook?”

“You’d teach me?” I grin up at him.

“Yeah. But the first thing we need to do is get something to cook in!”

“Let me have a think...oh you don’t do fat…”

“What is it you want to cook?” He gives my side a pinch.

“Chicken wings, really spicy ones that...you are kidding me? You’re a wing nut?!”

“I can’t believe you actually just said that! Come on, let’s finish this and then go get the needful. Wing nut... he actually called me a wing nut!” While he’s bitching, I reach for the confit of salmon that he never told me about. “Put that back!” He bellows.

“No!” I yell, clutching it to my chest and backing away. “You never said anything to me about that!”

“He only had one left. And you never said you like...Justin, come back here!” He yells as I start running away with my bounty from the fishing county! I giggle as he bears down on me and I manage to get to the stairs that lead to the roof. But before I can take a step, I find myself hauled back into his chest. “Give!” He demands.

“No!” I declare, trying to wriggle away but he’s holding me too firmly.

“Give it!” He demands again laughing and I turn in his arms. “Please give it.”

“Is it really that good?” I ask, reading what exactly is in it.

“It’s my decadent breakfast with a poached egg on sourdough bread.” I slowly look up at him in awe. “What?

“You can cook a poached egg?”

“Oh, fuck me. Right, let’s get everything in the fridge and go shopping!”

OPERA HOUSE - TWO HOURS LATER

ROOF

BRIAN

It took about an hour of heaving and swearing, but we have now got a nice sofa up here, and sitting next to me is a very proud Justin! He has made his first ever perfectly cooked poached egg, and he’s right, he does make a very mean slice of toast! His crust to crust is a must mantra with regards to butter is actually sweet. Less sweet was his tongue between his teeth when he was cooking...the gesture was sweet; my thoughts, not so much!

“Okay, so what’s next?” He asks, licking some yolk off of his fingers.

“Well, while the wings are marinating for lunch...play for me?”

“Really?” He blushes with pride and I nod. “Okay let me go and get Evelyn. What do you want to hear?”

“Romanza.”

“Perfect choice.” He smiles and leans down to kiss me. Then with an impudent wiggle, goes to get her.

http://gattinamia.blogspot.co.uk/2010/01/spicy-kung-pao-wings-with-roasted-nuts.html

CHAPTER 13 - BEAUTIFUL MUSIC, MUD GLORIOUS MUD AND UGLY ON THE INSIDE TOO

OPERA HOUSE ROOF

BRIAN

Oh for the love of God! I snatch the tissue from him and wipe my eyes. That has to be the most beautiful piece of music I have ever heard. After Romanza, he played me a piece he wrote. “Yeah, so totally deserved, each Gramophone award you won.” He sits next to me, beaming with pride. I lift my arm and he slides into my side. “He cheated. Found him with him in our bed. I hadn’t even slept in it yet.”

“Shitkicker.” He declares.

“To say the least. I burned it and sent him the ashes.”

“Oh cool. I wouldn’t have burned it. I would’ve just chopped it up and sent that.”

“So what happened?”

“Nothing. Nothing ever happens. Daph takes one sniff and is like nah buddy, blood hungry. And every time she is right.”

“I’m flattered.” He looks up at me and then grins.

“Yeah, she just said jump him.”

“Really? Cynthia said the same thing. So where are they?”

“Who? Oh, the cats. Come on.” He gets up and holds out his hand. I allow him to lead me down to the room just off the kitchen.

“Oh for goodness sake.” I whisper as I look at the most beautiful cats I have ever seen. He clicks his tongue and they start to wake up. “Jesus, look at those claws!”

“They’re a bit of hard work, as they are very intelligent and get bored easily and…”

“We have an hour. Want to go take them for a walk?”

“A walk?” He frowns.

“Yeah. Come on, I have an idea.”

Twenty minutes later, we’re in the forest and they are charging around all over the place. “I can’t believe I never thought of this!” He shouts as he runs after them. “They’re going bonkers!”

“Can you keep them here?!” I yell after him. “Going to get the boys!”

“Okay! Will try my best!” He shouts back.

VIC AND DEBS’S HOUSE - EARLY EVENING

KITCHEN

MICHAEL

I am not sure what is going on with the two of them, but they haven’t spoken to me since I went upstairs and I’m sick of it!

“What is going on with you two?”

“What do you mean?” Ma replies coldly.

“You and Vic haven’t spoken to me all day.”

“Who and me?” She demands.

“Uncle Vic and you haven’t spoken to me all day. I want to know why.”

“We don’t want to speak to you. Now go away. You are going to have a few busy days.”

“Why?”

“Because you are going to be house hunting and finding a job. We don’t like snakes and you are a snake!”

“Oh for heaven sake! Again, with the threatening and melodrama! I am going to go and get changed and you two need to stop behaving like children! I’m meeting Ems in…”

“Ooh he’s Ems, is he? He will be so thrilled!”

“He’s always Ems! He’s one of my dearest friends. Now excuse me, I have better things to do than deal with you!”

BRITIN - AN HOUR LATER

BATHROOM

BRIAN

“Stop moving!” I order, laughing.

“Hurry up! I’m hardening up and getting cold!” He grumps.

“How the hell did you end up in the mud?!” I guffaw.

“They leapt over as cats do, and I ran as humans do, and got stuck and then ended up face down and that’s when you found me! It’s not that funny!” He pouts and tries to slick off some of the mud before it hardens some more.

“Okay, let me get this off you.” I clear my throat hard and start to undress a mud covered Justin, who has every right to be indignant, especially since the cats and dogs don’t look remotely sorry for his current malaise.

“I hate them.” He grumbles as he allows me to try to take off his rapidly drying clothes.

“Test the water. And no you don’t.”

“Oh for fuck sake!” He exclaims as he looks at his face in the mirror. “Look at me; I look ridiculous!”

“You will be rinsed off and look wonderful soon enough. Now test the water.” I order again.

“It’s fine.” He kvetches and looks down at himself. “Three thousand dollars. This outfit cost me three thousand dollars.”

“They’re called dry cleaners. It will be fine.” I soothe, but judging by the head turning and glaring, he’s not convinced.

Ten minutes later, he’s trying to take the shampoo bottle off me. “How can I buy it if I don’t know what it’s called?!”

“You can see it afterwards! Let me get you clean, for crying out loud!  It’s like trying to wash an eel!”

“Does this come with a conditioner?”

“Yes! Now stop wriggling!”

EMMETT’S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER

EMMETT

I stare at Michael and frown. “What are you doing here?”

“We always have a dri…”

“I will meet you at Woody’s in an hour.” I tell him, shutting the door in his face with great relish.

“I…” Ted begins.

“No, you are not at fault. I like to see the good in people and made a mistake. Never again. I know now what a good friend is and that good friend is you.”

“Thank you. If I could kick his ass for you, I would. So what are you going to do about that? You’re not seriously going to wear it there?”

“No, of course not. But if it is who I am hoping it is, I have bought a little token of my own.”

“Can I see?”

“No, because if it’s not him, I will be mortified.”

“Okay Ems. Another Cosmo and then we go to Babylon?”

“But I said I would meet him in...yes, yes to both.”

WOODY’S - AN HOUR LATER

MICHAEL

I take another sip of my drink and sigh. She seems to have sent the email to everyone as there are some shirtless dweebs swaggering about. I don’t know why they are bothering, I have already put a plan in place to win this. I look forward to making Brian my slave for the night and then for life. I look at my watch and shake my head. I hate being kept waiting and Ems knows that! I decide to call him. It goes to voicemail.

BABYLON - TWO HOURS LATER

CAMEO, THE DOORMAN

Yeah okay, I did bad before by letting him in before others when he tipped me the odd ten bucks, but now I know what he said about my Emmy. He is one of the kindest, sweetest men in the world. As Novotny walks towards the door smiling, I am ready.

“Hi Cam, great evening…”

“Hi.” I hold out my hand and he, as usual, takes it, and I hand him back every dime he has ever given me. “Back of the line, Mr Novotny.”

“What?”

“Back of the line. You’ve got your money back. I don’t like people who hurt my friends. And you did hurt my friend. Back of the line.”

“This is ridiculous! I…”

“Am holding up decent people! Back of the line and if you are lucky, you will get in.”

BAR - 90 MINUTES LATER

MICHAEL

I finally make my way through the crowds and find just Ted at the bar. “Where’s Emmett?” I demand.

“On the floor.” Ted retorts.

I turn to the dance floor and find him dancing with Brian. Oh, how Brian can move!

“Nice shirt.” Ted intones, smirking. “Looks like you are going to be slaveless this evening.”

“You think this is nice? Clearly you need your eyes tested; this is hideous!” I smirk, looking down at the sure-fire winning monstrosity they gave me. Now I know what Cameron was up to.

“Oh, I think that’s the most decent shirt I have seen this evening!”

“Babylonites! Your attention please! As well as Desperado and the Eagle, we have a new clandestine coupling: Tight End and the Quarterback...okay, so Quarterback is a given, so just come on up. I have something for your something!”

“What’s going on?” I demand.

“No idea!” Ted retorts.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I don’t like your funky breath and nasty ass whine in my ear!” He snaps back and moves away.

The world has gone mad! Everyone has gone bonkers.

Emmett and Brian return to the bar and we are soon joined by everyone else, including David, in the ugliest shirt I have ever seen.

“Who did you fuck to get that shirt?!” I snark.

“Your mother.” Ted retorts. “Who wants a top up?”

“I would love a…”

“Anyone apart from him?” Ted cuts me off.

Soon everyone, but me, has drinks. We are joined by Daphne, and Flaky Fairy. “What the hell is that garish thing?!” I laugh pointing at Drew’s necklace.

“A token of my admirer’s esteem, which I think is wonderful and sweet.”

“It is about as wonderful as that shirt!” I snicker.

“Well don’t you look smart!” Emmett exclaims as he joins us in the conversation.

“Jesus! Who hates you?!” I snigger as I take in the full majesty that is his shirt and whatever he is wearing on his finger.

“Michael, you do realise that the point of being Sir Knight is to wear the ugly shirt, not the ugly personality?!” Ted snaps.

“Now just…”

“Oh, I just love that shirt!” Emmett exclaims as he sees Flaky Fairy.

“Can I have…” He trails off as he looks at Drew in his outfit. “You? You sent me this?”

“No, I didn’t.” He replies and I hold back my smirk as Emmett, is yet again, shot down in flames.

“But that’s my…”

“Yeah, I know and we have the meddling Chyna to thank for that. Seems she caught an admiring glance and conspired.”

“Admiring…”

“Babylonites! We have totted up the scores. And on the doors they are thus. Sir Knight of the night is Drew Boyd! Come on up, sweet thang!”

The crowds part and then I see them...I don’t know when they moved or when he joined us, but Brian and Flaky Fairy are quite close together. Yeah, not happening! Before I can make my move, Daphne shows some use and drags the twink off on the dance floor so Brian is on his own.

“You look nice. I love the belt.”

“Thanks. I thought you would be a shoe in.” He tips his glass at my shirt.

“Clearly, they were playing favourites.” I smile but he frowns. “Didn’t want the studs amongst us to have to make a choice.”

“Yeah, let’s go with that!” David snarks. “So, Brian, who would you have chosen if you had…”

“And Mr Boyd has chosen his slave!” Chyna’s voice booms out.

I sigh in relief. “Thank god, this is over! As a man of great taste and integrity, like myself…”

“Let’s dance!” He yells and I beam as I follow him to the dance floor, reaching for his back pocket, but he stays just out of reach. He stalks his way into the middle of the mass of bodies, and, to my horror, takes a place next to Flaky Fairy. Brian places his hands on his hips and is drawing him closer than necessary.

I am fuming!  He asked me to dance, not the fairy who will not take a hint and go away!  I decide to pull his focus, and begin to move my body to the beat. I know I’m a great dancer, and it doesn't take long for everyone to confirm it by stopping what they're doing and staring at me. I bask in the looks of admiration, and glance in Brian's direction... only to find him gone!

“Oh thank fuck, he’s stopped!” Someone laughs as I walk back to the bar. “Whatever he thought he was doing, he so wasn’t!” I stop and look at where that came from. “Yes, I am talking about and now to you!” A twink steps out and up to me. “Stay off the dance floor. Leave it to people who have actually got some moves!”

“I’ll have you know…”

“Tell someone who wants to listen!” He snaps and turns back to his friends before they all slither like the snakes they are into the crowd. I keep heading to the bar and find Brian, mercifully fairy free, leaning against it. “Alone at last.” I grin at him.

“Jesus... must you creep up on a guy like that?!” He jerks away from me. “Can’t you wear a bell or something?”

“Ouch!” Ted snickers as he comes up and my cheeks flame.

“Where’s everyone else?” Brian asks him.

“Helping Drew with his list of duties for Emmett.” Ted laughs.

“Why would he need duties for Emmett?” I frown.

“Because he’s his slave for the night.” Ted explains as if I am stupid.

“That flamer!” I gasp. “He picked him?! What on earth for?!”

“APOLOGISE IMMEDIATELY OR GET THE FUCK OUT!” Ted explodes. I am taken aback and people are starting to stare.

“It was a…”

“Insult! A fucking insult to my friend. Say sorry right the fuck now!”

“He’s not even…”

“Say sorry, Michael. Him not being here is irrelevant.” David sneers at me. “A flamer is an insult to gay men everywhere. Apologise!”

“I am so sorry, Ted, for upsetting you.” I smile tightly as I spit out the words.

“No you’re not, but it will…”

“What’s going on?” Chyna’s voice has me leaping almost 30 feet in the air. “Ted bellowed and he never bellows. What’s going on?”

“He used a derogatory term against Emmett and Ted didn’t like it.” David explains.

“What did he say?”

“He called him a…”

“I have apologised.” I say quickly. “Let’s not rehash old ground. Remember, if I get punished, we all get punished.”

“That only applies in class. What did he say?” She demands.

“He called him a flamer.” David tattles.

At first, she doesn’t seem to do anything but then I feel a hand on my shoulder. “Banned for a week. Get it out!” She snaps before she stalks back to her booth, turns the music off and the lights go up. “Listen up, people! Michael Novotny is banned from Babylon for a week. Nobody let him in!”

“What did he do?” Someone shouts out.

“Called my doll the F-word.”

“Need help removing him?” Someone else shouts.

“Nah. A shower after, yeah, but help not so much.” With a rough jerk to my shoulder, I am hustled out of the club.

CHAPTER 14 - HIP SPLITTING AND PICNIC AT HANGING COCK...I MEAN ROCK!

OUTSIDE BABYLON - TEN MINUTES LATER

MICHAEL

“Bad news for you, my friend. We don’t like the use of that f-word. Hope you don’t live far as nobody is going to pick you up!”

“Such fuss over a word.” I grumble and then almost fall to the ground when someone barges passed me. “Watch it!” I yell after him.

“Such fuss over a shove!” The cabbie sneers before winding up his window.

I am relieved that I don’t live too far and besides, once off the Avenue a cab will be easier to find.

VIC AND DEBS’S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER

KITCHEN

Well, so much for that fucking theory! Not one cab would stop for me. And on top of that, it started to rain, so my new shoes got soaked. Shivering slightly, I head to make some coffee and then scream when I flick on the light and find Ma, sitting in the dark.

“What the hell are you doing up?!” I demand, clutching my chest.

“We had a powercut.” She replies. “Did you have a good evening? You know, calling Ems a flamer and generally behaving like a nasty troll?”

“What on earth is wrong with people? It was a joke. Ems didn’t mind…”

“He wasn’t there to mind.” She retorts.

“And isn’t it a bit ironic that you are telling me off for name calling by calling me a nasty troll?”

“Never said you were one. I said you were behaving like one. You called Ems that.”

“Look, I’m cold, tired and…”

“What was I supposed to have told you?” She frowns at me.

“What?” I frown back and try to reach the kettle, but she blocks me.

“When we came back from shopping... you snarked about me not telling you something. What was it?”

“Oh! Yes, thank you for the reminder! There was a transfer from my bank account to yours and you didn’t say anything. You know, like thank you for example.”

“Why should I say anything? You said you would pay me back, and for once, you have done so.”

“Yeah, well, I need some of that, not all of it, back.”

“What for? But no, you can’t have it back. I have transferred it to my retirement fund and you aren’t getting at any part of that!”

“Ma, I obviously didn’t mean to transfer that money to you...then, I mean. So if…” Before I can finish that sentence, the power goes out again. “For fuck sake!” I grumble. “I am cold, just wanted a damn cup of coffee and to put my electric blanket on!”

“Just not your night, is it?” Ma snickers. “Oh, by the way, make yourself scarce next Friday night. Vic and I are having friends around.”

“What do you mean? What makes you think that I will be here on Friday night?” I scowl at her...not that she can see that, of course.

“Because you’re banned from Babylon for a week. Ted got chatty.  Like I said, it’s just not your night.”

As she walks away into the darkness, I stumble into the chair she deliberately left in my way. All I can think about is fucking big mouthed Ted! He’s just jealous of my friendship with Ems!

BACK IN BABYLON

DAPH

Oh, so fucking close! I grind my teeth in frustration as Brian and Justin were talking so closely that when Justin turned in surprise at whatever he said his lips were a hair’s breadth away from his.

“Just lean in, for fuck sake!” Cyn grumbles.

“I know right!”

“Okay, so let’s see how the other half is living.” Cyn looks across to Ems and Drew and they are definitely in deep smit! Drew is not letting anybody within five foot of his slave, who is now wearing the ring, the necklace and the shirt! “Yeah, I think her work there is done!” She looks back at Brian and Justin. “I know those two have kissed, but I just want to see it in person just once!”

“You know, I have known him for years and have never seen him kiss a guy!” I sigh sadly.

“Is he a…”

“No. Very cautious. And very territorial.” I grin as Justin glares at a Wolf that gets too close to an oblivious Brian.

“Did you see that?!” Ted almost screams in my ear. “He almost shot lasers from his eyes!”

“God, he looks miserable!” Cyn sighs as she looks across at David. “I know he’s an A-list dick, but he stood up for Ems.”

“True. We’ll think of something, but not for a while, yeah? He’s been a dick for too long!”

“Babylonites!” Chyna bellows, lowering the music. “Partner up! The erection section is coming up in ten minutes!”

BRIAN

I look across at Emmy and Drew and chuckle.  “When did they swap shirts?” I ask Justin and he shrugs. “Do you think we get to keep these? I quite like mine.” I look at a thoughtful looking Justin. “You okay?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry. Just thinking about something. What were you saying?”

“The shirts... do you think we can keep them?”

“Yeah, you can!” The barman calls out.

“Great!” Justin beams. “I really like this one and that one on you. And is it really bad that I liked the one that Michael had on...you know, for lining the cat litter tray? It’s all in the detail. Though that being said, perhaps the one David’s wearing would be more appropriate. It is all sorts of hideous! So are we going to slow grind here or on the dance floor?”

“Wherever you like.”

“The dance floor is much safer for you.” He laughs, taking my hand.

“And if I don’t want to be safe?” I breathe in his ear.

“Then I would have to do something about that.” He whispers back as I pull him into my arms and he runs his fingers through my sweaty hair. “Starting with returning the bath favour. Sex wet hair, yes....dance sweat hair, no!”

“You have categories for sweat?” I laugh as I pull him closer to me.

“Mmm. Speaking of sweat, what do you think is going to happen? Later in class, I mean.”

“Hopefully, nothing too bad. But I suspect that she’s still going to be as pissed at Michael as we are, so…”

“Can’t believe he said that.”

“Or that David ratted him out.” I chuckle as once more, his feet get entangled. “Okay, that’s you done. It’s been a long day for you. Learning to cook, getting a mud bath, having a bath…”

“Shut up and let’s go!” He orders, dragging me back to the bar where others are of the same mind.

BRENT ASHER ASSOCIATES, LOS ANGELES

BRENT’S OFFICE

ETHAN

I look up from the papers that Brent handed to me. “So I am the lead in Australia?”

“Yes. I think that Justin is overexposed now and it’s time for new blood. So you get your chance. Your long overdue chance.”

I smile at Brent and grab my bag. “It was just a matter of time. I had said before that he was getting to be old hat. Well thanks for this. I’ve got to go and get some sleep. Unlike some wannabe prima donnas, I don’t need the practice.”

As I exit his office, I pull out my phone, leaning against the wall. I reread the text from one of my fellow orchestra mates, saying that Justin was taking an extended break. No doubt Brent has dropped him as a client since he’s moved to Pittsburgh, of all fucking places. Time for me to visit the city of Steel and tell him that his thiefdom of the orchestra is over and a proper talent is taking his place!

BRENT

I heave a sigh of relief that he didn’t want to give me one of his appalling blowjobs to thank me for my good work. Now all I have to do is get Justin to calm the fuck down and we will be back on our even keel. He’s a lucrative client, so the last thing I want is him brooding. A brooding Justin is a dangerous thing!

THRUHELL4HEAVEN STUDIOS - SATURDAY AFTERNOON

CHYNA

He comes in as if he’s done nothing wrong. “Okay, now that we are all now safely gathered…”

“She’s hangover free and smiling, not good.” Drew mutters, glaring at Michael.

“Today, we are not going to partner up with our usual partners, because you...”

“I’ll take Brian.” David interjects. “We’re roughly the same weight, if that’s…”

“No, we are fucking not!” Brian objects. “You’ve got at least 40 pounds of fat on me!”

He blushes beet red. “It’s not that much!”

“Yeah, it is.” Michael chortles. “Especially round the waist.”

“While your own fat is concentrated around your mouth…” David retorts, getting a baleful look.

“Class, focus! As I was about to say, you will be working individually. Work on your poise and balance for today, by concentrating on your leg muscles and strengthening your core. They are going to be your main support during the pole dancing contest…”

“I thought our support would be our partners, when they are not dropping you on the floor, that is.” Michael again interrupts, grimacing in David’s direction.

“It’s raining.” I point out and he stares at me. “There is a combined weight in here of about a thousand pounds, which, I should imagine, would be put into crushing good use if I took this class outside.” I wait for him to say something else. He doesn’t. “So today, we are going to do ballet exercises.”

“Ballet exercises? Why would we need to...” Campbell asks, frowning.

“Because I said so.” I return, smiling. “Now everyone line up against the barre…”

“I still don’t understand.” Campbell complains.

“Everyone stand on one leg and then on then on your tiptoes.” They do so. “Now hold it.” At first, they are doing so with ease but then the wobbling starts. “Stay still. The whole point is to have poise, elegance and...balance; to move fluidly, seamlessly and sexily from one position to the next.” For the next four hours, I put them through their paces and by the end, most faces are wreathed in smiles. “So how do you guys feel?”

“Even though it was a slow work out, I feel energised.” Ems replies, resting against Drew’s chest, much to the annoyance of Michael. Why, I have no idea!

“Can we do these exercises at home?” Justin asks and I nod. “Can you do the splits?”

“Yep. Want me to teach you to do that?”

“How do you teach someone to do the splits? It’s very simple. You just widen your legs and slide down to the floor. It’s not like you’re building your own rocket, it’s the splits!” Michael shakes his head in disdain. “Here, let me show you.”

“And it was just the plank that got you here! Have you done the splits before?” Daphne retorts.

“Again! It’s not fucking building a rocket!” He gets up, grumbling about how straight women should just stick to missionary and kitchen work! Even though every professional bone in my body is saying don’t let him do this, the bitchy bones beat them into submission. “You can either do it slowly or quickly. Quick is always best.”

“I’ll bet. I suspect most get down and get it over with.” Ted sarcastically says and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he means, based on the resulting snickers of the class.

When he takes off his trainers, I know I should say something. But before I can, he spreads his legs apart and quickly sinks to the floor... well as close as he can to the floor anyway. For a while he doesn't move; just stays in that legs akimbo position, staring right ahead.

“Michael?” Daphne calls out, but he doesn’t move. Well, not entirely. He does start to scrunch up his toes and lean forward to put his hands on either side of his front leg... which is starting to slide, despite his toe-braking efforts. “Do you need some help?”

Sweat is now pouring down his body and his mouth is opening and closing, but no sound is coming out. Ordinarily, we would all be grateful for that major miracle, but…he’s trying to pull his back leg forward, but it seems to be locked in that position.

“Seriously dude, are you okay?” Campbell asks as he starts to sink lower to the ground and the trembling has progressed to shaking and whimpering.

“St-stop me...someone st...stop me.”

I get up and put my foot next to his back foot, which at least stops that part of the downward descent. “Get some mats, quickly and put them on either side of him!” I order, shaking my head. “What is it with you and wanting to make an idiot out of yourself at every given opportunity?!” Once the mats are in position, I point at Drew and Campbell. “Okay, you two grab an arm each and lower him onto his back and then he can go foetal and whimper. Man, I wish the cameras were on!” Trying really hard not to laugh, they get Michael on his back. However, his legs are still locked akimbo. “Please close them. I like junk as much as the next man, but that is restricted to food and not whatever the hell nastiness is in those drawers!”

“The Itty Bitty Tinky Committee?” Daphne says, and I nearly choke trying to suppress my laughter.

Still he doesn't move and now tears are running down his face. “Uh, Doc, I think you might need to assist. Again.” Ted crows as Michael slowly starts to close his legs. Suddenly, there is a popping sound. He tries to close his legs again before he suddenly stops, gurgles and then turns a deadly shade of white. “What was that?” Ted demands...we are no longer laughing, but David is. In fact, he is convulsing on the floor.

“David! For heaven sake, what the hell is going on?!” Drew shouts, shaking him.

“Hi...his hip has popped and jud...judging by that face...the butt muscles- otherwise known as his gluteus maximus, which if I’m honest should be name gluteus flateus have also spasmed and locked up. He needs to go to hospital for a relaxant! Until he gets that, the only shit he will be having is going to be coming out of his mouth!”

WOODY’S AN HOUR LATER

CHYNA

I have given Sade a very large glass of brandy. Turns out she had turned the cameras on, after all. Must send a copy to Vic...actually must ask Ems who he thinks would benefit from a damn good laugh!

BRITIN - SUNDAY LUNCHTIME

JUSTIN

I almost turn back, but make myself knock on the door. He and Ted had to go straight to the office after Michael was safely taken to hospital, as they had an urgent client call. So, here I am with my surprise lunch. He texted me earlier to say that he was hoping to go for a run, but he’s been working most of the morning.

“Hang on a second!” He calls out, and when he opens the door he just stares at me. “I was just calling you. Uh hi.”

“Hi, yourself. Where is your kitchen?” I grin, ridiculously pleased that he was thinking of me.

“Through there. What are you doing here?”

“Lunch. Thought you could do with some. So I have, with the help of the internet, made some mandoo, which are dumplings. KFC, and a spicy salad.”

“KFC, you don’t make KFC, as evidenced by the KFC box.” He drawls.

“No, the box is KFC, but what is in it is Korean not Colonel Sanders.”

“Let me see!” He exclaims and reaches for the box. “What did you do with those beauties?” I smile as he almost buries his head in the box and sniffs appreciatively. “Are they cooked?”

“Almost. Here’s the recipe. But I do need to get the mandoo done.” I look around his kitchen properly. “Yeah, you like to cook, don’t you?” I take in the awesome array of cookware. “Need a pan to steam fry.”

He hands me a pan while reading the recipe for the wings. “Okay. So how long are they going to take?”

“About 10 minutes. Why?” I frown.

“Okay, do these here and then we take that and that…” He points to the KFC bucket and the salad. “...for a picnic. I can get changed and be back by the time those are done. We can eat and fry at the same time for the wings and prep the basket.”

“Um, okay. Yeah, let’s do that.” I reply, quietly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Never been on a picnic before.” I blush.

“Oh, you are in for a treat. I am the consummate picnicker!” He boasts. “Now crack on, won’t be long!”

True to his word, he’s back within 10 minutes and nodding fervently as he tastes the mandoo. “Yeah, have to make that again. They are gert lush.”

“I beg your pardon! What on earth does that mean?!”

“The client that we had to speak to yesterday is based in England. Bristol in fact, and gert lush is the highest form of praise that they can bestow upon a person or thing. For taking his call yesterday, we were gert lush.”

“Ah, I see. So the wings?” I watch them fry carefully. “Should I drain them now?”

“Yeah. Be careful.” He warns and I squeeze his arm. “You have unmarked skin, want it to stay that way.”

Soon the chicken is prepared and we are walking through the forest almost hand in hand. The basket is between us and every step or so he brushes his fingers against mine.

PLACE OF THEIR FIRST KISS - 40 MINUTES LATER

“Here.” I blink in amazement. “You want to eat here?”

“That’s okay, right? How about up there by the waterfall?”

“Yes, perfect.”

I watch the consummate picnicker lay out the blanket, followed by the glasses, the wine and everything else before he takes out the food. “When did you pack them?” I ask, pouncing on the blueberries.

“Like I said, consummate picnicker.” He replies smugly. “There are also cherries.”

Five minutes later, I am dropping blueberries into his mouth like a baby bird. He’s stretched out on the blanket and I am lying on top of him. “This is the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon.” He sighs, shielding his eyes as he looks into the sky. “Almost as blue as your eyes.”

“You have to sit up for cherries. The stone.” I advise sagely and he nods at me just as sagely.

I dig in the picnic basket for the cherries and freeze, then pull out some lube, before turning around to face him. “Ah. Now don’t explode…”

“I...I wasn’t going to.” I put the lube down so I can reach into my pocket and pull out a condom.

He stares at it. “Just the one? We can do better than that.” He reaches into the basket and pulls out what he put in there. “A whole box better than that.”

“Brian.” I moan and in seconds, I am flat on my back, his mouth is fused to mine and what I anticipated would be bruising and merciless is soft, teasing and seductive. “Mmmm.” I groan.

“Problem?” He asks lifting his head.

“You stopped.” I pull him back down.

“No, stop. Seriously, Justin, stop.” He says and I am astonished, but he starts to smile. “I have never made love under a waterfall before…” He looks over his shoulder and then back at me. “You?”

“No but we’re about to. Right?”

“Yeah.” He replies sweetly before sitting up and slowly starting to strip off my clothes. My heart is pounding and my fingers tremble as I reach for him. We alternate between giggling and kissing as we slowly get naked before walking hand in hand to the water’s edge. “Wow, that is cold!” He exclaims.

“We will heat up.” I reply with a lot more confidence than I feel after I put my foot in the water!

“Over there.” He points to a spot just behind the waterfall. “A bit of privacy.” I nod and lead him through, keeping my girlie shrieking to a minimum when the water hits me. “Justin.” He groans and pulls me to a halt. “I can’t wait...please.”

I hand him the lube and condoms and turn to the face the wall of the cave. He takes both my wrists and places them above my head. My cries of delight as he works me open echo off the walls and I writhe and twist in his hold. “Hurry, please hurry!”

“Don’t want to hurt you.” He croons into my ear. “Patience, brat.”

“Arrogant twerp.” I scoff. “Are you seriously saying that you...oh!” I gasp as I feel the head of his cock nudging against my hole. “You’re kidding!” I gasp and look over my shoulder and then I keen and spread my legs wider as he slides all of him into me. “Ohmyohmyohmy!”

“So hot! Oh fuck, Justin, so hot!”

“Can’t hold…” I cry out as he finds my hotspot with each thrust. “...let go!” I plead and tug at my hands. “Need to…”

“No, you don’!” He growls and starts to move quicker.

In the dimness of the cave, I look down and see my burgeoning cock, bouncing in the air with each swipe across my prostate. I feel his hand sliding to my chest, and with a sharp tweak to my hardened nipple, I explode against the cave wall. He follows with a roar seconds later.

A couple of minutes later, he turns my head kissing me deeply, before he starts to rock back into me. I pull my mouth away and smile. “Oh no, Mister. My turn.”

Mandoo:

https://www.tablespoon.com/recipes/mandu-korean-dumplings/8fd6ee60-1e97-421e-b4f1-afe5a99e0d86#!

Korean fried chicken: https://www.maangchi.com/recipe/easy-dakgangjeong

Korean lettuce salad: https://www.maangchi.com/recipe/sangchu-geotjeori

CHAPTER 15 - THE YEAH YEAH YEAHS...AND THE DON’T BE STOOPIDS

JUSTIN

I gasp as his cock hardens in my ass, then he drops his head on my shoulder and rings my cock at the same time. “Brian…” I mewl in protest.

“Hold on.” He husks.

“No, I want...I want to...”

“I won’t last two seconds with you inside me. Need to calm us both down a bit.”

I groan at the truth and hotness of his words. Slowly, he starts to withdraw and pulls me back against him. For a minute or two we say nothing, just take comfort and warmth from each other, but then I feel him shiver slightly. “You okay?”

“A bit cold. Want to rinse off and have your way with me in the sunshine, Brat?”

“Absolutely.”

“You first.” He sweeps his arm out and I shake my head. “Both together?” I nod. “Whose idea was it to make love behind a waterfall? Ready?” He holds out his hand and on three we rush through, screaming as the ice cold water of the fall hits us. But as we start to wade to the water’s edge, it feels warmer.

“Hey, maybe it’s warmer the deeper we get?” I swallow hard at the lascivious look he gives me. I walk a bit further in and smile. “It is! It’s warmer! Come here, Twerp. Come here and kiss me!”

BRIAN

I do not need to be told twice. In two strides, I have picked him up and carry him deeper into the water. His mouth tastes like heaven, and as we sink into the warm-ish water, he giggles into my mouth. I take us both down under the water for a few seconds and it didn’t faze him at all. As we surface, he splutters with laughter.

“It’s true, you know?” He rests his head on my shoulder and tightens his grip around my waist.

“What is?”

“You are the best picnicker.” He looks up at me.  “Now can I show you what I am good at?”

I answer him by carrying him back to our blanket and using that to dry us off. I can’t believe how nervous, but turned on, I am. “Lie down. Lie that gorgeous body down and let me feast on you.”

I almost cum there and then! I tuck his wet hair behind his ears as we stare into each other’s eyes. Mine start to drift shut as he lowers his head, and again, I am tasting manna from heaven. I slide my hands down his back to rest on his butt and give his cheeks a squeeze. Although he doesn’t stop kissing me, he does shake his head. I rest my hands around his waist and he purrs in approval. He licks every part of my mouth and I return the favour, pulling tiny moans of delight from his throat. He pulls his mouth off mine and kisses a trail down to my neck. As I am about to say something about no hickies, he laps at spot behind my ear and I lose all thought!

JUSTIN

God, he is beautiful! His hands have fallen to his sides and are scrabbling against the blankets. I plant soft, sucking kisses down to his chest and whirl my tongue around his nipple before pulling it into my mouth and suckling. His soft moans start to get a bit louder and his legs widen so I am nestled between them. I reach down and ring my throbbing cock like he did in the cave and I start to calm down.

“Works every time.” He chuckles, and then yelps when I nip his nipple, immediately soothing the sting with my tongue. “And the next one...”

“No more talking.” I order before sucking on his taut nipple. The only sounds I hear are his groans and the rippling of the water. He presses his chest upwards and gently threads his fingers through my hair. I release his nipple with a soft pop, and snicker at his whimper of disappointment before kissing a path to his happy trail, pausing to tongue fuck his belly button which elicits a soft cry of delight.

I sit up between his legs and push them wider apart, then hunker down and get my fingers nice and wet. I smile as his stomach muscles tense in anticipation. I am in no hurry to put him out of his erotic misery. I brush my wet fingers down the inside of his thighs and he lets a growl of frustration slip out. “Patience....you don’t just feast with your mouth; I like to look at what I’m eating...or about to eat.” I grin as his hand flies down and he rings his cock again! I nuzzle his balls gently and then suck one, then the other into my mouth.

“Oh my...oh yes do...k-kee-keep...uh!” He writhes and arches his back. “Fuck!”

I can hear his feet drumming against the ground and feel his cock bouncing on the top of my head. Slowly, I release his jewels from my mouth but before he can relax, I slide three fingers at once into his pulsating hole.

“HOLY JESUS!” He screams and I look up at him. I have never seen anything as sexy as he is right now. His legs are spread wide, he is drenched in sweat, the pre-cum is bubbling from his slit, but it’s the look of total rapture on his face that has me lowering my mouth to his beautiful cock. “NO!” He yells so loudly that I almost catch my teeth on his head. “Fuck, don’t suck! Want to come with you inside me! Oh fuck, ring...!” I do as I am told and his breathing starts to slow as he nods. I tear the condom open with my teeth and then pause. “K-k-keep your fingers there and swing your legs over my waist.” He grits out and again, I do as I am told. He pulls the condom from my hand and I jerk forward as he reaches between my legs and puts the condom on me. I do not need to be told what to do next. But since he took control, I am going to take my time. I chuckle as he lets out a litany of moans and curses as I eventually get back in position and then sit up.

“Turn over.” I order and his head snaps up in surprise. “Please?” He nods and I slide my fingers out and he gets on his hands and knees. Without preamble, I slide straight in and he drops onto his shoulders. Before I can start to move, he reaches for my hand and I plaster myself against his back. Then I start to move. “You are so tight!” I gasp as he sucks me in deeper. “Oh fuck, Brian! I will never get enough of this!”

“Me neither. Faster... please faster!” His muffled cries float up from the blanket. He lets go of my hand to bury his head in his arms and I grab his hips and begin to drive fast and hard. He snaps his hips in tandem with my thrusts and I can feel my world start to white out. “Justin! Now! Now! I’m gonna cum!”

“A couple more, a couple more!” I plead and tilt my hips and after two sharp thrusts, we are both screaming the forest down. I slump against his back and he slowly sinks down to the blanket. “I think…” I take in some more air. “...I might be empty.”

His body reverberates as he chuckles and he turns his head. “Me too. I…” My gasp as he clenches stops him for a second. “...don’t think I have cum so hard in my life.” I place soft kisses on his back and shoulders and he sighs happily.

“We really do need to have a bath.” I mutter and withdraw before flopping onto my back. “But can I just get the blood flowing back to my legs first?” He doesn’t say anything and when I turn to look at him, he is yawning. “Yeah, bathtime! Up, Twerp! Let’s get rinsed off and go back for a nice hot bath at yours.”

“Mmmm.” He slowly sits up and winces.

“You okay?” I ask worriedly.

“Perfect, just been awhile.” He replies and leans across to kiss the side of my head and I lean against him. “Actually, I think yours is nearer, can we go there instead?”

“Yeah definitely.”

WOODY’S - SAME TIME

MICHAEL

I limp to the bar, wondering why people are looking and snickering, and wince as I sit on the bar stool. I wave at the barman and he takes his time to get to me then he serves the guy next to me.

“What can I get you?”

“Two things. A vodka tonic, and I wonder if you could direct me to the Opera House.”

I look at the guy and frown. “Why do you want to know that?”

“I’m looking for this guy. Need to let him know where he stands in the world, which is fucking nowhere!” He puts a magazine on the table and I find myself looking at the Flaky Fairy.

“I know him. He lives opposite my…” I pause as the barman comes back and decides now is a good time to serve me. “...a beer and privacy!”

“Why don’t we move over there?” The guy indicates a table, and once my beer arrives, I follow him over. “So who is he opposite?”

“My boyfriend, and he keeps finding reasons to visit him! Thankfully, Brian is away this weekend so…”

“Why don’t we go over and tell him where he fits into MY world and yours together, so he gets the message loud and clear?”

I smirk at the idea of the slap down Flaky Fairy is going to get, and drain my beer quickly. “So who are you?”

“Ethan, and you are?”

“Michael.”

“This is me.” Ethan says, indicating a beautiful car. “Shall we?”

FRONT OF OPERA HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER

BRIAN

It has taken us so long to get back here because there were so many trees to lean against and investigate each other’s mouths and reciprocate the blowjobs. As his house comes into view, he yawns and stumbles. “Maybe just a shower?” I suggest as I steady him and he sleepily nods. “And definitely straight to bed. The…” He looks up when I pause. “You expecting anyone?”

“No, and Daph’s with her folks for a week, thank goodness. I didn’t want too many questions as to why, me of all people, was cooking.”

“Someone is in your driveway...with Michael.”

He looks to where I am pointing and suddenly is much more awake. “What the fuck is Ethan doing here?!” He snarls and shakes his head as if to clear it before striding towards his house.

“What the fuck do you want?! Both of you!” He shouts, his ass bouncing deliciously as he storms up to them.

ETHAN

I watch Justin stalk towards us and momentarily, I forget my jealousy as he is so beautiful. A talent such as his is wasted on him; he doesn’t need it! He can get whatever he wants on looks alone!

“I, well we, have come to tell you that your time as lead in the orchestra is over and to leave his boyfriend alone!”

“Let’s start with the easiest thing. I have absolutely no interest in David! That pompous asshole is all yours, Michael!”

“Who the hell is David?!” I snap. “His boyfriend is called Brian and lives in the house opposite, which you keep visiting!”

“Oh, hell no, I am fucking not his boyfriend!” A voice booms out, and striding towards us is a walking wet dream!

“Brian, what…”

“Shut the fuck up, Michael!” They both shout at him and I begin to get a bad feeling about this whole boyfriend thing!

“How did you know where I live?!” Justin asks, turning back to me.

“Brent told me, and said to tell you that I have taken the lead on the Australia tour. You are old hat and overexposed and…”

“I told him to give it to you, you moron! I didn't want to do Australia!”

What?!

“I wanted a rest!” He screams. “I haven’t stopped working for years! Now I want the both of you to fuck off!!”

“Justin.” Brian says pulling him back against him. “Stop.”

A jolt of jealousy slices through me as Justin turns in his arms and he embraces him tightly, rubbing his back to calm him down. I watch him whisper in his ear before he nods and then walks into the house.

Brian waits for the door to shut. “I don’t need to show you the way to go, do I?!”

“Me? No.” I snap and stalk to my car and I hear footsteps behind me and turn around just in time to see Brian go inside the house. “Where are you going?” I sneer at Michael.

“Back into town with you.” He replies, going on the other side of the car.

“No. You are not!” I bark. “Why not wait for your imaginary boyfriend and get in his imaginary car to go to your imaginary home in the clouds where you think you are great fuck!”

KITCHEN

BRIAN

I hold a sobbing Justin in my arms as I watch Michael limp screaming after Ethan’s rapidly disappearing car.

“Do you have a lot of bath products or should I go and get some of mine to come back with alongside an overnight bag?” I murmur in his ear.

He sniffs and looks up at me, his eyes shimmering with tears. “Sorry. I’m not normally such a pussy but…”

“Answer my question.” I order gently and wipe his eyes.

“No and yes.” He mumbles against my chest.

“Give me your keys please. Go and have a nap. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” He looks up at me with absolute trust and hands them to me. “How long should I pack for?”

“A week. And bring Shadow and Silver too.”

“Okay. See you in two.” I tell him against his lips and his purr of contentment makes my stomach flip.

CHAPTER 16 - CRY YOU A RIVER FINE...BUT NO ONE WILL CRY A RIVER OVER YOU

KITCHEN

JUSTIN

I hope he won’t be long. I hug Sonata hard and decide to make myself a hot chocolate. As I reach for the mug and the jar, the door starts to knock…

DREW’S MANSION - SAME TIME

RECEPTION HALL

EMMETT

“Now, Drew. You are overreacting!” I exclaim as I try to work out if I could make it to the front door without him catching me. “It was a lucky shot in one frame!”

“Lucky shot, my ass!” He growls and reaches in his pocket and I hear a click. “You hustled me!”

“I did not! And what did you just do?!” I demand, edging to the front door centimetre by centimetre.

“Locked the front door, Mr Colour of Money.” He drawls. “So what you gonna do now?”

“Locked the…” I pull myself to my full height and fold my arms. “I have no idea who this Mr Colour of Money is that you are calling me. If this is a reference to me wanting payment for doing anything sexual with you, I resent the implication! I will have you know that…” My ire is further fired by him starting to laugh. “Let me out this instant! You are clearly not the gentleman or the man I thought you to be and…”

The door clicks unlocked but he is still smiling. “Mr Colour of Money, my adorable streak of propriety, is in reference to a Tom Cruise movie about a pool hustler. And if I wasn’t a gentleman, I would’ve wrestled you to the ground and fucked you the moment I saw you.”

“The first time you saw me was…”

“In class outside. You were wearing an all black ensemble with lime green detailing. And…”

“Chartreuse, not lime green. It’s subtle, but there is a difference.” I mutter.

“Uh huh, and there is a difference between me and a caveman. I won’t hurt you, Emmett. Now that I am out, I do believe I have found my perfect fit...my perfect tight end.” I keep still as he approaches me and I can feel his hot breath fanning on my lips. “Now, with his permission, may I steal a kiss to soothe my ego after that soul crushing ass kicking I received on the table?”

“You may and I…”

“You want to sit down?” He growls at me and I frown. “If you are about to apologise for reacting as you should’ve done to my behaviour, I will spank your ass.” We lock eyes and he raises his eyebrows. “So what are you going to say?”

With a grin, I kiss him softly. “Sorry.” I then squeal as I am upended over his shoulder and with a sharp rap to my ass, he carries me upstairs.

Oh shit, he is serious!

“Drew! Be gentle, at least! It’s been ages since…” I am cut off when he dumps me on the bed and I try and scramble to the other side. But he grabs my ankle and pulls me slowly back towards him, then reaches underneath me to unbuckle my belt and undo my jeans.

“You’re sorry, are you?” He questions as my jeans slowly slide down my legs. “You have no idea how much you will be.”

Soon I am grunting with each spanking and moaning with each tug on my cock.

“Still sorry?” He demands, his hand hovering higher and higher. “Answer me.”

“No, definitely not.” I pant, and watch his hand lower and start to stroke my heated globes, and lazily flick the head of my cock. “Um...oh my goo...Drew! Please! I...can’t...hold....off...oh fuck!” I scream and cum across his silk sheets. Just as I am coming down, he flips me over and starts to clean me from tip to belly button with his tongue. “Oh sweet mystery of life at last I found you!” I warble as the second orgasm floods my body.

“Oh Christ!” He yells and immediately my eyes snap open and I find myself looking at his ecstatically wreathed face as he comes in his pants! He slowly lowers himself down on top of me with a goofy grin. “That was fucking awesome!”

“No, that was awesome! I haven’t even fucked you yet, but when I do, that will be way past awesome.” He goes silent and gently traces the contours of my lips. “Drew?”

“Can we do that now?” His voice is soft and nervous and I look into his eyes and see why.

“No, not today. But we will. Now take me to your shower!”

He grins and once again hauls me over his shoulder with a sharp smack to my butt!

WOODY’S - THREE HOURS LATER

ETHAN

I am fucking steamed! I am waiting for Brent to return my many calls! I look across the bar for a stress relief. Finding the pickings slim, I leave another message for Brent.

“Hey, Chyna! Oh man, what’s that face for?!” The barman shouts across to a furious looking woman.

“Pinchpenny has been spreading his poison again! Eagle called Cloud, and it seems that he and a combative cunt paid him a visit and now we are on mop up duty! Ooh, wait till I get that mouthy meathead in class!”

“I see. Well I would suck on that and dial it back. Pinchpenny’s bait is in the room. 4 down to the right.”

CHYNA

I look 2 down and to the left and see him. Some greasy haired mopatop with the back end of a rat stuck on his chin. I sit down next to him and smile. “Sorry about the c-word. Don’t normally say it, but am good and steamed!”

“I know the feeling. Ethan.” He holds out his hand and with a swallow of revulsion, I shake it.

“Who’s pissed you off?” I ask all the while wanting to jab a cocktail stick up his nose.

“Oh, you wouldn’t know him. Some popinjay called Justin Taylor, a wannabe cellist superstar. I have no idea why since he has no talent.”

Popinfuckingjay?! Breathe, Chyna! Breathe!

“And he’s done what?”

“Tried to imply that I only got my current gig because he didn't want it. The fool!”

Lightbulb!

“Oh, excuse me, I have to take this.”

“Sure, sweets, you crack on. I’m done here.”

“Hey, Chyna, where you going?” The barman calls out.

“To call Petal, I have me an idea!”

I watch her sprint out of the bar and take my time following her. I want to hear him explain himself. “Brent, how nice of...what are you shouting at me for?! I should be shouting at you! I went to see Justin and...yes, I admit it. Why wouldn’t I, since it’s true. Fired? He fired you?! What for? Breach of privacy? What the hell are you talking about?! Yes, I told him you gave me his address. Yeah, I know it wasn’t true but...fired? What do you mean fired?! You can’t fire me! I am the greatest talent the world has ever...hello? Hello? Brent, are you still there?”

This is Taylor’s fault!

OPERA MANSION - SAME TIME

MASTER BEDROOM

BRIAN

I hang up, knowing that Cyn and Ted will handle the business. I look down every so often as Justin hiccups in his sleep. Daph, when I called her, said it’s what he does when he’s super stressed out. He is anchored to me, and I want to break Michael’s face. The lies and bitchiness he heaped on an already upset Justin was unreal…

Start of flashback

OPERA MANSION - TWO HOURS EARLIER

As I saunter down the strip of No Man’s Land, I whistle to Shadow, who is investigating something. He immediately comes to heel and then Silver goes on point. It’s then that I hear the nasty whine of Michael Novotny at the same time as I feel the buzz in my pocket. A text from Justin. Please hurry.

“And you know what?! Brian told me to do this! This was all a ruse to get you to take the fucking hint! He is not interested in you! Oh he wants to fuck you and I said he could if he must! Although he doesn’t normally like fat and well used asses! We are both in this contest to win by any means necessary, and you are a means to an end! I mean, look at you! You are a whispy thing with a fat ass. It is sickening and pathetic that you think you have a chance with him. We’re in an established relationship, but we’re keeping it on the down-low. He values his privacy and I respect that! You are nothing! Nobody! No one! I have been kind thus far, but that stops now! Keep away from my boyfriend for the last fucking time! I know people; I know how valuable your hands are. If you want to keep that lame ass career of yours, then back the fuck off!”

I watch him limp away and hold hard onto the boys’ collars after having ordered them to be quiet. I do not want that fucker to know that I heard every lying word he said. I sit down, and even though every part of me wants to go inside, I need that fucker gone. Twenty minutes later, the cab turns up and he finally goes. Leaving my bag where it is, we start to run, and I hammer on the door. “Justin! Open the door! It’s me, open the door!” I bellow.

When he opens the door, I wish he hadn’t. His face is red raw with tears and he is shaking. I just open my arms and he slams into me. “It’s not true. Nothing he said is true.” I stroke his back and card my fingers through his hair. Ten minutes later, my shirt is soaked but he has finally stopped crying and looks up at me. “If you say the pussy word I will give you something to cry about. Okay?” He nods. “I need to pick up my bag, but do not move from that spot.”

I get back as fast as I can and he hasn’t moved. I put my bag in the doorway and as I pick him up, he buries his face in my neck. I carry him to the loveseat in the kitchen and place a kiss on his tremulous lips. “Two seconds. Let me lock up, okay?”

He’s back in my arms and I am trying to stop him from rubbing his already red raw eyes. “So who was that?”

“Ethan Gold. The second cellist in the orchestra. Has been causing me problems for a while and…”

“What do you mean problems?” I demand. “Before you explain, why is there milk on the floor?”

“I was going to make a hot chocolate when Michael came knocking.”

“Stay put. I will clean up and make you a hot chocolate. Then while we are all snuggly, you can tell me.”

Twenty minutes later, he is resting on my chest and telling me how Ethan Gold questioned each and every note he wrote since he joined the orchestra. No matter how friendly Justin was, Ethan would always be unfriendly and then he walked in on him and Brent one day and that was that. But it was when he told me that he found out that Brent had given Ethan his address that I was really pissed.

“Why would he give him your address?”

“I don’t know. I told him to give him the lead in the Australia tour, but I don’t know why Ethan turned up here.”

“I’ll bet that Brent doesn’t know he is here.” That makes him look up. “Give me your phone, please. I want this guy to learn what happens when he pisses off someone I care about.” He hands it to me. “Needs to be unlocked, Brat.”

He gives me an abashed giggle and unlocks it. “What are you going to do?”  

“Fire your agent.”

“What?!” He gasps, trying to take the phone off of me. “Brian, no! I can’t let...mmmpfffh!”

When I lift my head, he is looking a touch dazed and very well kissed so I take that opportunity to place the call. “May I speak to Brent? This is Brian Kinney of Kinnetic, I wish to speak to him about promoting his orchestra.”

Two seconds later. “Mr Kinney, hello. This is Brent. I must admit that I am surprised but delighted to receive your call. You see we…”

“Operate a shoddy operation where you give out the details of your high profile clients in return for a blow job. The purpose of this call is threefold: To tell you that Kinnetic will never advertise for you; to advise you that Justin Taylor has fired you as his agent; and, finally, that the reason for all of that is called Ethan Gold.”

When I hang up, he is looking at me incredulously. “I can’t believe you just did that. I don’t have an agent!”

“Yes, you do.”

“Who?” He demands.

“Your talent. You have got, as you pointed out, this place through that. You don’t need an agent.”

End of flashback

“Justin.” I shake him gently and he opens his eyes. “Have some water.” He blinks a couple of times before he sits up and takes the glass and drinks slowly.

“Chyna called.”

“Mmmm, what did she say?”

“She wants you to write the music for the pole dancing contest. She’s going to get together a Babylon Orchestra.” For the first time since we got here, he gives me a smile and then sighs. “You want me to heat the wings, don’t you?” His smile gets wider. “And maybe set the bath?”

He answers me with a scorching kiss, that takes me a few minutes to recover from, much to his smug delight...but I love him and he’s had a shit time so he can have that...oh God, I love him!

CHAPTER 17 - SLIP SLIDING, SLIP SLIDING AWAY...OH IT’S SLIP SLIDING AWAY

VIC AND DEBS’S HOUSE - LATE SUNDAY EVENING

MICHAEL’S ROOM

MICHAEL

I feel really good about what I said to the Flaky Fairy.  At least he now knows where he stands with Brian, which is nowhere. Brian doesn’t want a screaming, hysterical fishwife for a partner. He needs someone who is assertive, bold and basically...me! I have to say that I am curious as to how he can afford that place, so I am going to investigate him. There must be something rotten in there somewhere.

An hour later, I am so annoyed! He is worth loads of money... not as much money as Brian, but he’s pretty close. And all from playing an oversized fiddle! And all of it...every dime of it was earned fucking legally!

“Michael!” I roll my eyes at Uncle Vic’s voice then go still and quiet. It is all to no avail as the door is pushed open and he is staring over his glasses at me. “Michael, I know you are not asleep. Close down the laptop and bring the dirty dishes down. I have been wanting to talk to you all day, and...”