Justin Taylor stood beside the tastefully ornate casket lost in thought. He was still a beautiful man despite his advanced years, but the raw pain he had been feeling for days now had lined his face and dimmed the bright blue eyes he was so well known for. No one would have called him Sunshine at this moment in time.
Time...where had it gone, he kept thinking to himself. It seemed such a short time ago that he had dared himself to see what being gay was all about by taking a late night stroll down Liberty Avenue in Pittsburgh. He was only 17 and truly scared shitless but the urge to mingle with other men who felt what he had been feeling for more years than he could remember was just too strong to deny. He had gathered all the bravado he could muster and took the plunge.
Liberty Avenue was so colorful and exciting. Justin had never felt more alive. But he had also been wary. There were some shady looking characters and he really wasn't sure of his footing yet. And then he'd seen the man. He was tall, slender, and fucking gorgeous. And before he could enter his jeep his eyes made full contact with Justin's. And Justin had stopped breathing.
It wasn't until the hypnotic stranger had moved over to him, stood practically nose to nose with him and started speaking that Justin began breathing again. And that was the very moment that the young boy, Justin Taylor, began his journey into manhood and started truly living his life. Who knew then that almost 60 years to the day later his life as he had known and loved it passionately would suddenly come to a screeching halt?
Justin continued to reflect on the events of his life that had led up to this moment. He remembered how he had learned that the sex-on-two legs man he met that first night was named Brian Kinney and he had done everything in his power to stay in the man's presence and be noticed at every opportunity. There were even a few times that he thought he may have gone too far. Brian Kinney wasn't shy about showing when he was pissed or had had enough and Justin had certainly pressed his buttons quite a few times. Why, in that first year alone Justin had caused him to lose out on a number of tricks he had gone after, irritated him with questions about his family, teased him about his advancing age, caused him to suffer a beating by Justin's enraged Father, forced him to change his bachelor pad into a home for runaway boys (well at least one boy in particular), and most egregious of all...let a stranger rob him blind when the boy forgot to turn on the loft alarm while going out.
That sad event, however, was the first time that Justin had gotten a clue that maybe he wasn't quite as unwanted by Brian as the man loudly proclaimed. After all, Brian could have easily had the kid arrested when he skipped town with his credit card and headed for New York City to try and start a new life. Instead, Brian had come after him and made sure he came back to Pittsburgh. On top of that, the raw passionate sex that the two shared in the NYC hotel room before heading back home told Justin a lot more than the reluctant Brian could have ever said with words.
And then, of course, there was the cataclysmic event near the end of their first year together. Justin's bashing by the homophobic Chris Hobbs had connected Brian and Justin permanently. It had stolen the beautiful memories of Brian's surprise visit to Justin's Senior Prom for a while and almost destroyed Justin's artistic future, but it also had bonded the two men as they fought together to give Justin back the joy of life that Hobbs had robbed him of. That was the year, their second together, that they truly became lovers...living together as a couple, complete with rules and all.
They had settled into a routine that worked for a while, but Justin had become distracted by romantic notions brought on largely by the romantic relationship between Michael and his future husband, Ben. And then Justin had made the biggest and most regrettable mistake of his life. He allowed his longing for romantic words with hearts & flowers to blind him to how much Brian really loved him even though he was too frightened to say it out loud. He let the flowery words and deeds of fellow student, Ethan Gold, blind him to what he already had with Brian and he ended up leaving the love of his life for the fiddler.
Of course, neither man could keep away from each other totally. They 'bumped' into each other and kept an eye on each other as the months went by. Justin rescued Brian from his vicious nephew and sister's nasty accusations of child molestation (just as he had the year before when Brian's subordinate at work falsely accused him of sexual harassment) and Brian provided a well paying artistic assignment for the financially strapped youth. Brian even went so far as to plant seeds in Ethan's head that made it possible for him to show his true colors, which weren't quite so perfect, to a disillusioned Justin.
Justin let out a deep shuddering sigh as he reflected on how close he had come to losing Brian forever. He couldn't believe his luck months later when he came to his senses, left the fiddler behind and began to realize that Brian might still be in love with him, though he still refused to acknowledge it openly. But Justin had done a lot of maturing during their separation and he had learned not to ask more of Brian than he was prepared to give.
The next couple of years had a ton of ups and downs. Justin sadly remembered how Brian had lost almost everything...his job, money, and home...just to try and stop the gay hating, corrupt Stockwell from becoming Mayor. He remembered with pride how the two men together had worked on getting Brian's own ad agency, Kinnetic, up and running. He remembered with deep affection how Brian had stood by Justin when the young man decided it was time to take back what Hobbs had robbed him of so long before. Brian had been far more afraid for Justin's safety than he let on but he knew it was something the boy had to do or he would always be crippled in some way by the bashing. And Justin remembered painfully the moment he discovered that Brian had cancer.
The cancer scare was the worst one of all...far worse than the fiddler debacle and even worse than the bashing. Brian's fear of losing Justin...or even worse, Justin staying with him out of pity...caused Brian to reject Justin cruelly. Surprisingly, it was Mikey who had made Justin see where Brian's insecurities were coming from and gave Justin the will needed to force Brian to accept him back in his life. The lovers had finally settled into a comfortable co-existence for a while but then Hollywood had come calling and Justin was off to California to make a movie version of his and Michael's comic book, Rage.
Justin recalled how bad Brian's timing was when he finally asked Justin to be his live-in lover, for the second time, right when Justin had decided to return to Hollywood to get more involved in the making of the Rage movie. Of course Brian would never dream of letting his needs stand in the way of Justin's success so he had pretended it was no big deal to wait for Justin to return and sent the lad packing for the Sunshine state. It was only much later that Justin learned from the other boys how much Brian had missed him. When the Rage movie fell through, he came home to a Brian, who was more than eager to have him back.
Justin's memory then began to flash forward to another of the worst times in his life. You would have thought that nearly losing Brian so many times would have taught him something but again Justin had risked their relationship during their fifth year together. Michael and Ben had gotten legally married in Canada, and even though it wasn't legal in the States, they had become a completely satisfied and settled married couple complete with a teenage child to raise. Justin's romantic nature reared its head again and once more he found himself wanting more than what Brian was willing or able to offer him. He didn't love Brian any less but his need to hear those precious 'three little words' had never really gone away. Once more the two lovers separated.
Brian's initial rage at Justin leaving him again had stunned Justin, but eventually they settled into an uneasy truce and friendship. This time it literally took a bomb to blow some sense into Brian. When Babylon, which Brian had purchased with profits from Kinnetic, had been blown up by homophobic terrorists, Brian had faced the thought of losing Justin in the explosion with all the terror of a man who would be losing everything that mattered to him. Finally, the three magic words were whispered into Justin's ears and their relationship, which had started under a streetlamp 5 years before, had come full circle.
It may have taken a little time and effort on Brian's part but he had eventually convinced the doubting Justin that his love and desire to become one with Justin was real. But of course, there had to be a fly in the ointment as always. Nothing could go easily for these two. Justin had the chance to make a name for himself in the highly competitive art world as long as he moved to New York City and again Brian was not going to stand in his way.
There were a lot of folks who thought that the two lovers would finally go their separate ways for good this time. "Ah, what fools!" Justin caught himself saying out loud. ‘They didn't know us very well, if that's what they thought', he mused. Justin reflected on how quickly Brian had come running to New York to be with him after he had moved there. Brian had simply closed his Pittsburgh Kinnetic office and reopened in New York. He had lost only one client with the move but picked up several new ones within weeks to make up for the lost revenue. Ted and his boyfriend Blake had even relocated so that Ted could continue to be Brian's general manager. Brian had used the sale of Babylon and the Britin estate to purchase a very nice upscale brownstone for he and Justin to share.
Life had not always been smooth running over the ensuing 55 years. There had been boon business years and bust years for Brian. There had been years that Justin's art was hotter than a firecracker and years when he had barely sold a piece. Remarkably, each man's bad year was a good year for the other so they always stayed comfortably afloat, working together like a well oiled machine.
There had been personal tragedies. Losses, such as Carl's heart attack in 2028 and Debbie's the following year had been devastating. Ben's death in 2032 had been super hard on Michael, but Hunter, JR, and Brian had helped get him through it, just as Justin did for Brian in 2044 when Michael died from a brain aneurysm. He had been lucky to go quickly and with no suffering outside of some headaches that had been plaguing him for a few weeks. Brian had been a big comfort to Justin when Jennifer had succumbed to pneumonia after surgery for blocked arteries in 2047. All but two of the rest of their little gang were now in retirement homes. Gus, of course, was the youngest and looking forward to his big 6-0 Birthday in a few weeks, although he might not feel like celebrating quite as enthusiastically now. Surprisingly the oldest member of the group, Ted, was also still very healthy and active. The man was 93 but you'd never know it by the way he got around.
The one thing that had never failed Brian and Justin over the last six decades had been their unwavering love for each other. As a matter of fact they were among the first two men to get married legally in New York in 2012. Justin remembered how they had celebrated when it became obvious that it would be legal in every state for the GLBT world to have all the same rights as the heterosexuals. Looking back on it, he marveled how much Brian had changed over the years. Oh, he was the same proud, independent, free-thinking man that Justin had first met, but he had also learned to open up his heart wide and let love take a front row seat in his life. He had even learned to accept his success in life and let go of the need to be the best at everything. By 2042 he had turned over the reins of Kinnetic to his son and retired to enjoy the rest of his life traveling with Justin.
That last memory of the 18 years of travel and fun that he and Brian had shared was the last straw and Justin could no longer hold back his tears. He looked down into the casket again through his blurry tears and he saw the magnificent creature that had captured his heart so long ago. He still had a thick head of hair but it was solid white, like a halo around his head. There were lines in the face but he was just as handsome to look at now as he was then...at least he was to his young 78 year old husband. Justin kept hearing "You'll always be young and beautiful. You're Brian Kinney, for fuck's sake." Brian had told him what Michael had said to him the night he had tried to keep from getting old and ugly.
"You're still young and beautiful. You're still Brian Kinney." He leaned over and whispered to his beloved. He leaned over further and placed one final tender kiss on the still lips of the other half of his whole being. "Thank you for all the joy you gave me, in and out of clothes, all these years Brian. Thank you for loving me." He paused and then added, "And thank you for letting me love you!"
With that, Justin straightened up, turned to the hundreds of faces staring up at him from the pews, and smiled the smile of a man who had too many happy memories to count. Gone was the dejected slouch that had bent him over from the moment he had realized that Brian was no longer breathing beside him on their bed that sad morning. The physical Brian was gone, but Justin's memories would only die when his time came. The last thought he had as he walked down to his own seat in the front pew was, "Please, let there be a place where our two souls will meet again. And if you could have him waiting under a starlight, I'd be much appreciative."
The End
