Family Matters  



Brian arrived home from work around seven.  There was no sign of Justin, so he went up to the bedroom to change.  He was sure the boy would be home soon. As he undressed, Brian reflected on their week back together.  Justin had completed his art course in New York and had returned to the loft to resume their life together.  Brian was thankful that they had survived the five months of separation seemingly intact. He had had his doubts before Justin left, but he knew deep in his gut that it was the right thing for the boy.  He knew he had to let Justin have that chance to grow and change.



"Brian!  Brian!" Justin shouted, charging through the door to the loft.



"Up here," Brian called from the bedroom.  He had just started to button the jeans he had changed into.



Justin came scrambling up the steps and threw himself into Brian's arms.



"Whoa!" Brian laughed.  "Who wound you up?"



Justin kissed him and kissed him some more, a shit-eating grin plastered all over his face.  "Guess where I've been?"



"A crack house?"  Justin looked bewildered.  "You're high as a kite," Brian explained.

"Oh!  No, I went to see Jane Granville today and I got a job!" Justin gushed.



"You did?  What kind of a job?"



"The kind that has regular hours and benefits and decent pay!"



"That's the best kind to have.  What will you be doing?"

"She never really replaced Noel at her art gallery after all that trouble."  Brian grimaced. "She's been running the gallery herself, but she wants more time off for the summer, so I'm going to be working there and running it on a day to day basis."



"Running it?" Brian asked.



"Well, not really running it.  Jane will still make all the decisions about the art and the prices and everything.  But I get to be there every day, help mount the displays and sell pieces of art to people who come in.  It's going to be great."



Brian smiled at Justin's enthusiasm.  It sounded like a glorified job as a clerk at the gallery, but he would never tell Justin that.  "So when do you start?"



"Tomorrow.  Isn't that great?" Justin continued to gush.



"Great!" Brian agreed.  "What about your job at the diner?"

"Oh, I'll still keep it.  I'll take more early morning or evening shifts for the summer so that I can be at the gallery during the day.  I should be able to make lots of money between the two jobs."



"Sure," Brian agreed, seeing the possible problems with Justin's new schedule.



"What's wrong?" Justin asked, noting Brian's mood.



"When do you get time for yourself, and for me?"

"I'll always have time for you!" Justin declared.



Brian smiled at him.  "That's easy to say, Justin, but it may be more difficult than you think."



"I'm sure I can work everything out between Jane and the diner.  It'll be fine."



"If you say so," Brian agreed, knowing that it probably wouldn't be fine somewhere down the line.



"Want to fuck the newest employee of the Jane Granville Gallery?"



"Sure, when will he be here?"

"Briiiaaan!" Justin whined.



"Come here, you!" Brian said.  "I'm always ready to fuck you."  Brian's mouth clamped on to Justin's, rubbing his lips over the boy's delectable pout.  His tongue pressed into the warm cavern of Justin's mouth, tasting and exploring, sucking in the essence of his young lover.



Brian never got enough of Justin, of his body, of his mouth, of his being.  Since they had returned from New York things had been wonderful. Justin no longer felt he had to walk on eggshells, worrying about upsetting his lover.  He truly had grown up while he was away. He still had his youthful exuberance as he had just demonstrated. Brian hoped he never lost that. But he was perfectly capable of expressing his needs and telling Brian what he did and didn't want to do.  Brian respected his new sense of himself. He had worried he might resent that Justin would no longer bend to all of his whims. Instead he found that he could let Justin take the lead and make decisions for the two of them. It was often a relief for Brian who spent all day making decisions at work.  He could let Justin plan things for them, always knowing that the boy had their best interests at heart. Brian began to realize that this was what it meant to be part of a couple, to trust your heart and life to another person.



Brian moaned.  Justin had wrapped his legs around Brian's waist and he was bucking his groin against Brian's throbbing hard-on.  He reached behind Justin and pulled the boy's shirt up and over his head. Justin did not release his grip with his legs.  He raked his fingernails down Brian's back. Brian edged them towards the bed, still kissing Justin deeply and demandingly.  Justin gasped as their kiss finally ended. He nuzzled Brian's throat, and then suddenly bit him on the neck.



"Ow!" Brian said, looking into Justin's eyes.



"Did that hurt?" Justin gazed back into the hazel eyes.  "I'm going to mark you as mine," he declared, and took another nip at Brian's throat, sucking on the spot.  Brian knew he would have a healthy hickey there tomorrow.



"You little animal!" Brian said, and threw him onto the bed.  He grabbed Justin's pants and stripped them off, pulling his shoes and socks and underwear with them.  Justin lay naked in front of him. Brian had only his jeans on and he quickly slid those down. "Let's see who marks who!" Brian declared.  He pounced on his young lover. They rolled around on the bed fighting for supremacy. Finally Brian spread his weight on top of Justin and pinned his hands above his head.



"Think you've got me, don't you?" Justin said.



"Uh huh!" Brian said, grinning.



Justin wrapped his legs around Brian and squeezed.  He felt the air expel from Brian's chest. In that moment of weakness, Justin began sliding his body up and down beneath Brian, making sure his rock hard cock rubbed against Brian's with each movement.  "Shit!" Brian gasped, feeling an instant need to have more. "I want you!" Brian whispered. "Now!"



Justin reached for a condom and presented it to Brian, who had it on immediately.  Magically Justin held out the lube. Brian grinned. "Little shit!" he said. Justin kissed him in response, and then Brian was inside him, in that warm safe place where he always wanted to be.  They rocked together, each knowing the rhythm and movements and responses that drove the other wild. When they were finished, they lay in each other's arms, happy and fulfilled.



"It just gets better," Brian observed.



"It does, doesn't it?" Justin said, rubbing his finger over Brian's nipple.



Brian swatted his hand.  "Don't do that unless you're prepared for another go!"


"I'm ready!" Justin declared.  They both were.



Round two completed, they lay together, happy, fulfilled and tired.



"I was hungry," Brian said sleepily.  "But now I think I need a nap."



"Me too," Justin said and they snuggled against each other, drifting off quickly after their vigorous workout.



When they woke an hour later, they were both starving.  They ordered takeout and sat eating it on the couch.



"Lindsay wants us to take Gus for the weekend," Brian said.



"Ohhhh!" Justin responded, drawing out the word into several syllables.



"What's wrong?"



"I…I told Jane I would work Saturday and Sunday," Justin explained.  "I wanted to show her that I could be available whenever she needed me."

"I see."

"You're not mad, are you?"



"I'm perfectly capable of having my son for the weekend with or without you around.  We'll be fine," Brian said, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.



"I'm sorry.  I…I could ask her to make other arrangements," Justin suggested.



"What for?  I said we'd be fine."

"But I like being with Gus too."



"I know you do," Brian said, softening a little.  He knew Justin felt badly, because Gus loved to play with him.  "Maybe I'll take Gus shopping for some artwork on Saturday. Know a good gallery where we might spend the afternoon?"



"I love you," Justin said, smiling at his partner.



"And you should!"



Justin looked at Brian and felt his heart swell with love and pride.  How could he ever have doubted that Brian loved him? Brian was still brusque and didn't tolerate fools well, but he would bend over backward to make things good for Justin.  Hell, he even bent over frontward sometimes too. Justin grinned at the thought.



"What the fuck kinds of thoughts are running through that brain of yours to produce a grin like that?" Brian asked, noting the smile plastered on Justin's mug.



"Want me to show you?" Justin challenged.



"Yes, although I may regret saying that," Brian said warily.



"Are you done eating?"  Brian nodded. "Good, because you're going to need lots of stamina."



"I am?"



"Oh, yes."



Justin was quickly clearing the dishes and Brian grabbed their wine glasses.  Here was another area Justin had taken charge of recently. Brian was pretty sure he was going to get his ass fucked but good.  He could hardly wait.



When they had cleaned up and stuck all the dishes in the dishwasher, Justin took Brian's hand and led him up to the bedroom.



"Do you have any idea what I'm going to do to you?" Justin asked.



"I think so," Brian replied, giving him a quick kiss.



"Not good enough!" Justin declared.  "I want a really good Brian Kinney kiss before I do anything else."



"Like this?" Brian asked.  He proceeded to devour Justin's mouth, gently rubbing along his lips, then sucking voraciously, then nibbling tenderly, then shoving his tongue down Justin's throat.  Justin wasn't sure how long the kiss lasted, but his head was spinning when Brian finally allowed him to come up for air.



"Just like that!" Justin gasped.  He started removing the few clothes they had put on before eating dinner.  When they were both naked, Justin stared into Brian's eyes. "I love you so much," he said.  "I thought I loved you before, but every day I find I love you more."

"I'm just so fucking irresistible!" Brian grinned at him.



"I'm serious, you know."

"I know," Brian said softly.



"So," Justin observed, looking at Brian's already stiff cock, "are you ready?"



"Always!"



"Lie on your stomach," Justin said, pushing him onto the bed.



Brian obliged.  He closed his eyes in anticipation of feeling every delicious thing Justin was going to do to him.  He felt Justin straddle his legs and rest his weight on the backs of his thighs. The boy leaned forward and ran his hands across and up and down Brian's back.  He kneaded the muscles in Brian's shoulders, and then leaned forward to begin a line of kisses from Brian's neck to the top of his ass. Brian felt him slide down his legs.  He pressed Brian's legs apart and stationed himself between them. He kissed and nipped the insides of Brian's thighs. The man groaned. His tongue ran up and down the crack of Brian's ass, passing teasingly over his pucker and then licking down to his balls.  The man groaned louder.



"Be patient," Justin whispered.  "It will be worth it."

He continued using his tongue around and over the various parts of Brian's ass.  He kissed and sucked and chewed at his hole, his balls, his cheeks. Brian loved the sensations Justin was causing, but soon he needed more.  At the moment he decided this he felt Justin's tongue force its way into his hole. "Aaah! Aaah! Aaaaahhh!" he keened, as Justin pumped his tongue in and out.  He almost came, from the unexpected and much desired assault. Justin worked his tongue in and out until Brian didn't think he could stand it anymore. At that moment he heard Justin tear open a condom package.  He knew that sound so well, and he chuckled out loud.



"What?" Justin asked.



"You know me too well," Brian whispered.



And Justin was inside him in one swift motion.  "Justin!" Brian almost screamed at the exquisite pain and pleasure.



"Yes?" Justin asked sweetly, waiting for his lover to relax and allow him full entry.



"Fuck!" he heard Brian groan.



"That's what I'm going to do!"  And that's exactly what he did. He worked Brian's ass, finding and hitting Brian's prostate at will.  Soon he had the man whimpering and begging for completion. He reached under Brian's body and grabbed his cock.  A few well timed tugs and they were both coming. Stars flashed behind Justin's closed eyelids and then blistering light swallowed him.  He lay spent on Brian's back.



After awhile Justin heard Brian groan and he pushed himself up, finally pulling out of his lover.  He flopped onto his back, breaths still shallow and rapid. He felt Brian roll over onto his back too.



Brian stared at Justin.  "Have you been practising?  Should I be jealous?"

"I never practise with anyone but you.  But you do know practice makes perfect."


"That was pretty damn close to perfect!" Brian stated.
 

"It was, wasn't it?  Did you get swallowed by the light at the end?" Justin asked casually, molding his body up against Brian's.



Brian stared at him.  "I … did, I think," Brian said with wonder in his voice.



"Don't think it, just feel it.  I felt like that light melted us together.  There was no me, no you, just us, just one."



Brian kissed the top of Justin's head, holding this amazing and complex young man against his heart.  "How did I get lucky enough to find you?"



"You know a good thing when you see it standing on Liberty Avenue."



"I guess I do."



"Are you okay with me working on the weekend?"

"I told you Gus and I would be fine.  But, that's what I meant about making life complicated trying to work all those jobs."



"I see what you mean.  I guess there still are a few things that you know more about than I do."



"You think?" Brian asked, his tongue firmly planted in his cheek.



Justin swatted him gently on the chest.  "I want to contribute to our finances. I want to at least pay part of my own way."


"I know you do, and I don't blame you.  But don't let the quest for money take over all your time.  There are more important things."



Justin gave him a look.  "Now who's been hanging around Ben?"



"What?"



"Did you hear yourself?" Justin asked.



"I'm not too old to admit that I can learn a few things.  Our time with each other has value too."



"That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard you say!"  Justin kissed him.



"Don't spread around that sweet business," Brian warned him.  "I have a reputation to uphold."



"Your secrets are safe with me."



"I know," Brian whispered.  "And so am I. For the first time in my life," he thought.



                                                                 -----



Saturday morning Brian picked up Gus from his mommies. The little boy jumped up and down when he saw his father at the door.



"Dada!  Dada!" he greeted Brian.



Brian picked him up and gave him a kiss.  "Hello, Sonny Boy, ready to spend the weekend with your old man?"



Gus nodded and looked around.  "Where's Justin?" he asked.



Brian told him he would see Justin later in the afternoon.  He gathered up all of Gus' equipment which thankfully seemed to be getting less as Gus got older.  They set off for the diner for lunch.



Brian held Gus' hand as they entered the eatery.  It wasn't too crowded, being early for lunch and late for breakfast which is what Gus and Brian would be having, in that order.



"There's Gorgeous Gus!" Debbie crowed as soon as she spotted them.



Gus grinned.  He loved the way this lady made a fuss over him and called him that funny name.  "Debbie!" he chirped, reaching up for her to give him a hug and a kiss.



"You are such a charmer!" she said.  "Just like your old man."



"Why thank you, Deb.  I didn't realize you had noticed," Brian smirked.



She gave him a swat across the chest.  "Asshole!" she stated.



"Asshole!" Gus giggled.



"Deb!" Brian groaned.



"Oops, sorry!" she said.  

"I'm blaming you if he says that in front of his mothers," Brian threatened.



"They'll think it was you anyway," Debbie chuckled, knowing Brian would be the one to catch shit over Gus' bad language.



Brian saw the boys in the back booth and walked over with Gus.



"Look who's here!" Emmett grinned.  "Sweetie pie and his daddy. Come up here, Sugar Dumplin', and sit next to me."



Gus climbed up next to Emmett and Brian sat down beside him.  Ted and Michael were seated across from them.



"Where's Justin?" Ted asked.  "We don't often see you on the weekend without him."



"Working," Brian stated.



"I didn't see him here today," Michael said, looking around.



"He has another job," Brian said.



"Where?" Michael wanted to know.



"At the art gallery where he was part of that 'Young Artists' show."



"Oh, so he's starting to support you in your old age," Ted observed.



"Fuck you!" Brian responded.



"Fu…" Gus began.



"Don't you dare, Gus!" Brian cut him off.  "That's grown-up language and you can't say it until you're grown up."



"I'm grown up!" Gus replied.



"Not yet, Sonny Boy."



"Pancakes?" Gus said.



Ted snorted.



"What's the matter with you?" Brian asked.



"That kid is so your son.  He changed the subject from something he didn't want to deal with, just like you do."



Brian made a face at him, but he knew Ted was right.  Was that another thing he needed to change? He seemed to have done a lot of changing lately, but he hoped most of it was for the better.



They finished having lunch and breakfast with the boys.  Gus had jabbered away. The boys were off to the gym for an hour and invited Brian and Gus to come with them.



"I don't think that's a good place for Gus," Brian said, debating the prospects of going.



"Why?" asked Ted.  "Afraid he'll cramp your style in the steam room?"



Brian was about to say "Fuck you!" again, but thought better of it.  "There are too many things Gus could get hurt with. I'd have to watch him every second."



"You are a good dad!" Michael told him.



"I try to be, despite some people's opinions."  He stuck out his tongue at Ted. When he looked down at Gus, the little boy quickly retracted the tongue he had just stuck out at no one in particular.  "Shit!" Brian thought. "I am going to have to be so careful. The little monkey apes everything I do."

The boys headed off for the gym.  Brian and Gus went to the loft to unload Gus' stuff and get him settled in for the weekend.  Brian had to admit that it was much easier when there were two of them, one to hold on to Gus and the other to carry everything.  Eventually they were organized to Brian's satisfaction.



"So, Sonny Boy, what would you like to do today?" Brian asked.



"Fishing," Gus replied.



Brian groaned.  Gus had wanted to go fishing ever since he had heard the Thomas the Train story about how Thomas went fishing.  Brian couldn't understand how the fuck a train went fishing, but Gus was fixated on doing the same thing. "How be we go to the park and see the ducks," Brian suggested.  This was something Gus had liked before.



"Fishing," Gus said.



"Let's go to the park today, and we'll visit Justin at his job later.  We can talk to him about going fishing soon. Okay?"



"Fishing," Gus said.  Brian looked at him, thinking that his son was just about as stubborn as him, and infinitely more adorable.



"Come on Gus," Brian said taking his hand.  He hoped once they got to the ducks in the park, Gus would forget about fishing.



Gus and Brian arrived at the Granville Gallery around four.  They had had fun at the park, walking and sitting and throwing popcorn to the ducks.  Brian knew Justin was finished work at six, and hoped they could all go to dinner together.



"Hey, partner," Justin greeted Gus, picking him up.  Gus gave him a kiss. "I'm so glad you came to see me."  Gus wrapped his arms around Justin's neck and grinned at him.  "Let's go on a tour," Justin said, and then proceeded to take Gus around the gallery pointing out some of his favorite pieces. When they had finished their grand tour, Justin stopped at the office and showed Gus where he had covered the coffee table with paper and laid out paper, crayons and markers.  Justin seemed to have already instilled a love of drawing into Gus. The little boy bounced up and down and then got right to work on his first picture.



"You're going to make an artist out of him," Brian observed.



"Is that a bad thing?" Justin asked defensively.



"Not at all.  If he turns out anything like you, that will be just great!"



Justin smiled his Sunshine smile.  Sometimes Brian was so kind and so supportive.  He wondered if Brian realized when he was doing it.  "Probably not," Justin thought. So many things with Brian were instinctual, while so many others were calculated.  He was one complicated hunk of manhood and Justin loved every inch and every aspect of this complex man.



Brian basked in the glow of Justin's smile.  Sometimes he said things that produced that look on Justin's face, and he was always happy when it happened, sudden and unexpected.  It was like a reward for something he had done or said, and most of the time he never knew what it was that would set it off. He just loved it when it happened.



Justin reached up and gave Brian a big sloppy kiss.



"Um hmm," someone cleared his throat behind them.



Justin jumped back, remembering he was at work.  A middle aged man dressed in denim stood looking at them.  "I hope I'm interrupting something," he said, trying to be humorous."



"Not at all," Justin countered.  "May I help you?"



"There's a painting over here that I'm interested in.  I'd like some more information about the artist," the man said.



"Certainly," Justin replied in his most professional voice.  He went with the man to the other side of the gallery.



Brian watched them move away.  The man glanced back over his shoulder and smiled at Brian.  "Gay," Brian thought, "and he's even trying to cruise me." He shook his head and went into the office to see how Gus was doing.  The little boy was hard at work at the coffee table. He had drawn two pictures which he held out to Brian with a smile. They were both more or less the same and Brian groaned when he saw them.



"What's wrong, Dada?  Don't you like them?" Gus asked with a worried look on his face.



"They're … nice, Sonny Boy.  You keep drawing. I need to talk to Justin."



Brian got up and went into the gallery to find his partner.  He had to wait a few minutes, as Justin was still talking to his customer.  Brian kept pacing behind them, and Justin knew something was wrong, but he couldn't be rude to a potential customer.  Finally the man shook Justin's hand and walked towards the door, giving Brian a big smile.



"Looks like you've made another conquest," Justin told him.



Brian made a face.  "I'm worried about Gus," Brian said, pacing back and forth.



Justin looked toward the office and could see Gus happily drawing.  "Why? He looks fine. Did he eat a crayon? They're non-toxic, you know."



"It's not about a fucking crayon!  I … I think I've corrupted him."



"What the fuck are you talking about?" Justin asked in disbelief.



"He showed me what he drew," Brian said.  "It looks like three men with enormous erect penises.  He couldn't know about threesomes, could he? He was never at the loft when we … you know.  Was he?"



"No, of course not!  There must be some other explanation," Justin said reasonably.



"I don't know.  It's pretty clear, even from his scribbly artwork.  Come and see."



They went back into the office.  Gus was finishing up another version of the same picture.  Justin stared at it as the little boy held it up for him, a big smile on his face.  It certainly looked like three people, men, of varying sizes standing side by side, a huge

penis pointing out from each one.  "Is that Goldilocks and the three bears?" Justin asked, trying to come up with a more plausible explanation for Gus' drawing.



"No," Gus said.



Brian was still pacing, a scared look on his face.  Justin remembered that in art class you always asked the artist about the art.  Often things weren't what they seemed.



"Gus," he said, "tell me about your drawing."

"You, me, Dada!" Gus said, pointing to each figure, as if that explained everything.



Brian groaned.



"What are we doing?" Justin asked Gus.



Brian groaned again, obviously not wanting to hear the answer.



"Fishing!" Gus said.



"Fishing?" Brian gasped.  "Shit!"



"Shit!" Gus giggled.



"Gus!" Brian cautioned.



Gus smiled angelically and picked up his crayon to draw another picture.



Brian hustled Justin out the door.  "How did you know it was fishing?"



"I didn't.  I remembered that in my art classes you never assume you know what the artist has drawn, because nine times out of ten, it isn't what you think."



"You are so smart!" Brian said, kissing him warmly.



"I know.  You are lucky to have me around to save your bacon all the time.  What would you ever do without me?"

"I don't know, and I don't want to find out."



"Why is Gus drawing us fishing?" Justin asked.



"Thomas the Train went fishing and Gus wants to go too.  I promised him we'd talk to you about it today. I don't know shit about fishing.  I hoped maybe you did."



"I've been a few times."



"Do you think we could take Gus fishing some time soon, before he draws one of those pictures for his mothers?  They'll have a fit, and I bet they won't bother to ask him what it is. They'll just come after me with a meat cleaver."



Justin chuckled.  "My uncle has a cabin where I've gone fishing a few times.  Maybe we could take Gus there for a weekend."



"That would be great, but soon.  Will you be able to get some time off work?"



"I'm not supposed to work every weekend.  I just said I'd work this one to show Jane that I was willing to be available.  Let me talk to her and to my uncle."



"Sounds good," Brian said.  Justin could hear the relief in his voice.  "Make sure you gather up those pictures and don't let him take them home with him."

"Why not?"



"I don't want anybody else to see them."



"Oh, too bad!"



"Why?" Brian asked.



"I thought maybe, after Gus went to sleep tonight, we could do something with erect penises ourselves.  We could use Gus' pictures for inspiration."



"We don't need inspiration," Brian stated, scooping Justin close to him and kissing him eagerly.



"Hmm, we could keep them for your old age when you might need pornography to get it up."  Justin grinned at him.



"You little shit!" Brian said, squeezing him.



"Shit!" said Gus coming out of the office with his next drawing.



Brian groaned.  "I am so dead when I take him back to his mothers!"



Justin squeezed him back and whispered that he would love him even if Melanie cut off his balls.



Gus looked at them, a smile on his face.  He held up his latest drawing of three men with enormous penises, and said, "Fishing!"

Business Trip  



Brian put down the phone.  He was going to have to go to Indianapolis on Wednesday.  How was he going to explain this to Justin?



He and Justin had been so happy lately.  It really felt like they were together in every sense of the word, in a committed relationship.  Brian never thought he would admit that, even to himself. They laughed, they worked, they talked, they ate, they loved, and they fucked.  Life was great. Now reality was poking its ugly head back into their blissful existence.



"I should know better than to think I can be happy for any more than a day or two at a time," Brian mumbled to himself.  "Cynthia, come in here," Brian said into the intercom.



"Yes, boss," she said, appearing at his door almost immediately.



"I need you to make airline reservations for me to go to Indianapolis on Wednesday," Brian stated.



"Will do.  Early morning flight?" she asked.



"Sounds good.  I'll be coming back Friday."



"What time?"



"Get me back as early as you can."



"Do you know what hotel you want to stay at?" she asked.



Brian groaned internally.  "I won't need a hotel," he said, trying to sound nonchalant.



"Oh?" she said, instantly curious.



Brian didn't really want to explain, but he knew she wouldn't let it rest.  "I'll be staying with Mr. Bedford," Brian stated.



"Father or son?" Cynthia asked with concern in her eyes.  She liked Mr. Bedford, the father. He was a lovely man. And young Mr. Bedford, Trip, was too delicious, but she knew he was gay, like so many other delicious young men she had met.



"Father!" Brian replied emphatically.



Cynthia knew there had been sparks between Trip and Brian.  She had felt them from across the room, when the two had first met.  She knew Brian was happy with Justin, happier than she could ever remember him being, and she didn't want anything to ruin this newfound contentment.  She had to ask. "Do you think it's wise to be going to Indianapolis right now?"



"I don't have any choice," Brian scowled.  "Mr. Bedford has come up with a design for a new lounge chair that he thinks will revolutionize the chair industry.  He wants to use it in the next phase of their ad campaign. He wants me to see it, and he doesn't want to fly yet, so soon after his heart attack.  I have to go."



"I understand," she said, feeling sorry for the position this put Brian in.



"So, just get the fucking reservations, and stop worrying about me."

She smiled at him.  He knew her almost as well as she knew him.  They were a great team and always watched each other's backs.  She was sure he would do the right thing, she hoped, maybe.



"I'll do the right thing," he muttered as she left his office.  She smiled to herself.



                                                             -----



Justin had dinner on the table when Brian arrived at the loft.  It smelled wonderful. After a quick kiss, Brian changed his clothes, wondering how he was going to tell Justin about his impending trip.



Once they sat down and started eating, Brian opened his mouth to get it over with, when Justin beat him to it.  "I have something to tell you," he said.



"I have something to tell you too," Brian replied, "but go ahead.  You first."

"I spoke to my uncle about getting his cabin to take Gus fishing.  We can have it this weekend. They're all going to be in the city for some family do with his wife's relatives.  After that they are using the place for most of the summer. We wouldn't be able to get it for at least another month, unless you want to sleep in a tent and be there with the whole family."



"Pullleeease!" Brian dragged out the word.



"I didn't think so, so I told him we'd take it this weekend.  I thought we could leave Thursday night if you could get Friday off.  That would give us more time up there, because it's a good four hour drive to the cabin."



Brian groaned.  "Justin…"



"Don't tell me!  This weekend is no good for you.  Why? What's going on? Can't you cancel?"  Justin bombarded him with questions.



"If you'll let me get a word in edgewise …" Brian began.



"Sorry," Justin said.  "Go ahead." He looked skeptically at Brian.



"I have to go on a business trip Wednesday.  I won't be back until some time on Friday, but I'll try to get back in good time and we could leave as soon as I returned," Brian said hopefully.



"Oh," Justin replied, mulling this over.  "Well, that won't give us as long up there, but it will still work.  Less time for you to get cranky about roughing it in the woods."

"Just how rough are we talking?" Brian asked, suddenly realizing that he was taking himself off into the wilds of some godforsaken place.



"It's … rustic," Justin said carefully.



"What the fuck does that mean?"



"They don't have all the amenities that we have here," Justin explained, gesturing around the loft.



"I didn't think we were going to a four star hotel!" Brian stated.  "Just what amenities does this fucking place have?" When Justin didn't answer immediately, Brian asked, "A toilet?"



"Yes … um … yes."



"What was that hesitation for?"



"They have a toilet," Justin replied firmly.



"An outhouse?" Brian asked with a look of terror on his face.



"No, not an outhouse.  It's in the house. But … you have to empty it every day."



"Empty it?  How the fuck do you do that?"


"Well, I haven't been there for several years, but if I remember correctly it's an environmental potty that is moveable and you dump it out in the woods."



"Jesus Christ!" Brian sputtered.  "Tell them to forget it!"



"Brian!" Justin responded.  "I'll empty it and do any of the other shit jobs too," he sighed.



"Shit is right!  Couldn't we just drive up there, fish for an hour and drive back?"



"I … guess so.  But I thought you might like to spend a little time out in nature with Gus and me.  I thought it might be fun, but if you can't live without your luxuries …," Justin let his words hang in the air.



Brian groaned.  "You are getting too fucking good at this housewife guilt shit," Brian admonished.



"Does that mean we can go for the weekend?"



"All right, but you have the shit jobs!  I don't want to hear about potties or bodily excrement or God knows what else.  Understood?"



"Deal!" Justin said.  "I'll let my uncle know we're going."



Brian knew he was going to regret heading out into the backwoods, even with Justin.  He didn't do rustic, and he knew he was going to hate every fucking minute of it. He pushed his worries aside to deal with the more immediate worry of telling Justin where he was going on his business trip.



"Where are you going on your business trip?" Justin asked, as if he was responding to Brian's unspoken thoughts.



"Indianapolis," Brian said, and waited for the reaction.



"Oh?" Justin said, his head brimming with questions that he was afraid to ask.  The old Justin would have suppressed them all, but the grown-up Justin asked, "Trip?"



"Business trip!" Brian replied obtusely.



"Trip Bedford!" Justin stated, staring intently at his partner.



"He'll be there."



"Is he the reason you're going?"



"No, his father has a new design for a chair that he wants used in the next ad campaign.  I'm going to see the chair."



Justin snorted.  "That's a good one!  You're going to see a chair, not a very hot, highly intelligent, really nice, gay man that you are attracted to and who's attracted to you?"


"That's right," Brian said.



Justin had never met Trip Bedford, but Ted and Emmett had.  They had told Justin about the totally hot man that Brian had danced with at Babylon.  Justin knew that Brian was very attracted to Trip. After they returned from New York, they were supposed to have talked about Trip and what he meant in their lives, but they had been so happy that Justin had almost forgotten about it.  Now he knew they would have to deal with it.



"Brian, remember that talk we were supposed to have," Justin began.  He heard the man groan. "We have to," he said simply.



"I know," Brian replied, "but that doesn't mean that I have to like it."



"How do you feel about going to Indianapolis?"



"Justin, nothing has happened between Trip and me.  We're just friends, and nothing is going to happen."



"I believe you," Justin said.



Brian knew that Justin did believe him.  It was just that sometimes things weren't in Brian's control, especially things that affected his dick the way Trip Bedford did.  "I won't let anything happen," Brian promised.



"I know you'll try."



"You don't think I can be strong, do you?"



Justin stared at him.  Brian was a very strong man who inspired strong feelings, and as much as he liked to think he was always in control, quite often other people put their strong feelings for Brian to work and went after him.  Sex was such a necessity to Brian that he found it hard to fend them off when they offered what he needed, and provided such a necessary service for him. Being far away from home, would only compound the problem.



"Remember Noel," Justin said.



Brian grimaced.  "You don't have to remind me, but Trip is nothing like Noel."



"But you have the same attraction to him, and he isn't a fucking sleaze ball like Noel.  In fact, from what I hear, he's really nice, which makes him all the more appealing."

"Justin, you're the one I want."



"Remember that when your cock starts twitching at the sight of Trip," Justin said ruefully.



"Why don't you fuck Trip right out of my head?  That will keep me on the straight and narrow while I'm gone."



"I can do that," Justin said with as much confidence as he could muster.  "Want to start now?"



"I'm ready."  Brian grabbed his hand and pulled him in for a kiss.  "Make me forget about anyone but you," he challenged.



They went up to the bedroom, leaving the mess to clean up in the morning.  Justin had other more pressing spousal duties to perform tonight.



                                                             -----



The next morning neither one of them could walk with ease.  Both their asses had received a thorough workout, to say nothing of their cocks.  As they stumbled into the shower, Brian grabbed Justin and pressed him against the glass.  "I'm going to fuck you again," Brian whispered in that husky voice that sent little jolts of pleasure up Justin's spine.



"Oh yeah?  Are you sure you can handle it?" Justin challenged.



Brian's hard cock was already finding its way to Justin's hole.  The boy felt it press against him and smiled over his shoulder at Brian.  He reached back for a kiss which Brian returned with love and lust. Brian soaped Justin's back, running his hands all over the boy's body and ending with a finger in his ass.  Justin gasped, but pressed back for more. He heard Brian rip open a condom and smiled to himself. Nobody turned Brian on like he did. He was going to make sure everyone, including Trip Bedford, paled in comparison.  He felt Brian position himself at his already well fucked pucker. He reached behind him and took hold of Brian's dick, giving it a tug. Brian moaned. Justin leaned back into his man, and when Brian thrust forward into him, he thrust back just as hard, taking all of Brian's cock in one motion.  They both sucked in a breath at the sudden movement, and unexpected pleasure.



"I love you!" Justin declared.



"Show me!"



Brian began to thrust and Justin met each with a backward movement of his own.  They pounded against each other, gasping for breath and trying not to suck in the cascade of water that engulfed them.  Grunts and groans gave way to moans. Brian reached for Justin's cock. He pulled the boy against him, stopping his thrusts.



"I love you, Justin Taylor!  Never, ever, forget that!" Brian declared.



He rammed into Justin again and stroked his cock with each thrust.  Momentarily they were both coming. Justin staggered against Brian who grabbed at the wall for support.  Neither was very steady on their feet. Brian kept Justin impaled on his cock and supported both of them as he leaned against the wall of the shower.  Once they had begun to recover from their orgasms, Brian pulled out of his lover and turned him around. He got rid of his condom and let the water pour over them for a couple of minutes before he turned off the shower.



He took Justin's hand and led him out into the bathroom.  He picked up one of the towels and tenderly dried off his lover.  Justin returned the favor.



"Do you think it will be safe for me to go to Indianapolis now?" Brian asked, tongue in cheek.



"Maybe," Justin replied, "but there's still tonight.  We can make certain you don't forget what's waiting for you here."



"You are such a taskmaster!" Brian chuckled.



"It's a hard job, but somebody has to do it."



"Only you, baby, only you."



Brian found himself in Justin's arms, the boy kissing him ferociously.  He did love Justin more and more every day. Trip Bedford was an interesting and very attractive man, but he wasn't Justin.  Brian was sure he would remember that in Indianapolis.



                                                            -----



Brian's meeting with Mr. Bedford went very well.  He was quite impressed with the new chair and was tempted to order one for the loft.  However, he wasn't sure that Justin would be pleased with a reminder of Trip so close at hand.



When they were finished with business for the day, Mr. Bedford ordered his car to take them back to his home where Brian would be staying during his time in Indianapolis.  It was an expansive and luxurious mansion on the outskirts of the city.



"You have a beautiful home, Mr. Bedford," Brian told him.



"Why don't you call me Jerome?" his host replied.



"Of course.  It was nice of you to invite me to stay here with you.  I could have taken a hotel for two nights."



"Nonsense.  We have lots of room.  You'll be much more comfortable here.  I'll show you to your room. Dinner will be at eight in the dining room."



"Thanks," Brian said and they went upstairs to get him settled in.



Just before eight Brian made his way downstairs having showered and changed into slacks and a sweater.  He found Jerome in the study off the main entrance hall.



"Dinner should be any time now.  We're waiting for Trip," Jerome told him.



Brian hoped his face didn't show his apprehension at hearing that the son was joining them for dinner.  He had begun to hope that he might get through the trip without having to face Trip.



Suddenly the doorway was filled with a smiling face.  "Brian!" Trip said, stepping forward to shake Brian's hand, genuinely glad to see him.



Brian felt that little jolt of electricity.  "Trip," he replied, not knowing what else to say.  The man was as gorgeous and intriguing as he remembered him.



They went in to dinner at the urging of Jerome who said he was quite hungry.  During dinner there was lots of talk about business and Brian learned that it was Trip who had dreamed up the concept for the new chair.  Was there anything that this man couldn't do?



When they finished dinner all three men went back to the study and had a brandy.  Small talk filled up the time. Brian felt Trip's eyes on him more than once, but he did his best not to stare back.  Finally Jerome excused himself, saying he was tired and seemed to need a lot more sleep since his heart attack. After Jerome left, Brian thought maybe he should get out of there too.



"I think I'll turn in," Brian said.



"Have another drink with me first," Trip asked.



Brian wanted to escape, but he didn't want to be rude, and he really did enjoy Trip's company.  "I'm not much for brandy," Brian said, trying to excuse himself gracefully.



"How about some Jim Beam?  That's your drink, isn't it?"



"All right," Brian agreed.



Trip went to the liquor cabinet, but turned back to Brian, saying, "We don't seem to have any here.  Come up to my apartment. I'm sure I have some there."



"Your apartment?" Brian asked, following Trip who had already made his way to the stairs.



"Since Dad had his heart attack, I've set up an apartment in the east wing.  My condo is in the city, but Dad has felt better having me here."



Brian was trailing behind Trip, trying to think of a way to get out of this.  "I don't really need another drink. I should maybe go back to my bedroom," Brian said stopping in the hallway.



"We're almost there," Trip laughed.  "Relax! I'm not going to compromise your virtue."

Brian smiled at this open admission of the attraction they felt for each other.  He could be strong, and Trip was promising not to start anything. Trip opened a door and led Brian into his apartment.  It was a very masculine room with lots of leather furniture and mahogany wood. Brian glanced around admiringly, then stopped dead in his tracks.  Above a small table on one wall was the sketch of him in his leather pants sauntering down the hallway of Justin's dorm in New York.



"How the fuck did you get that?" Brian asked, too surprised to care about his language with a client.



"I was in New York briefly the weekend of the art show.  I stopped by one afternoon to see if you were there and to meet Justin.  Since you weren't there, I had to settle for the next best thing," Trip said, gesturing to the portrait.



"How did you know about the show?" Brian asked, concerned that Trip had this picture of him, but also flattered that he did.



"You told me that your partner was in an art course in New York, and I saw the show advertised when I was there.  As soon as I saw your picture, I knew I had the right Justin. He's very talented, but then he has a wonderful subject."

Brian knew he was blushing.  Trip handed him a glass of Beam and he downed it in one gulp.



"Another?" Trip asked.



Brian nodded and handed the glass back to be refilled.  "I can't believe you have that sketch. It was sold the afternoon we took Gus to Central Park."

"Who's Gus?" Trip asked.



"My son."

"I didn't know you had a son."



"Well, I'm glad to see there are a few things you don't know about me," Brian stated.



"You know that I find you very attractive."



"I feel the same way, "Brian admitted, "but I'm in a committed relationship with Justin."  He smiled proudly to himself. He had gotten that sentence out without one hesitation. Justin would be proud of him.



"I understand, and as I told you before, I wouldn't interfere with that.  But I also like you very much. You're an intelligent, interesting man. I hope we can be friends."



"I'd like that," Brian said, downing the next glass of Beam Trip had handed him.  As soon as he did, he thought he better slow it down or his good intentions might evaporate in the steady stream of Beam he was inhaling.



"Care for another?" Trip asked.



"I think I better get some sleep," Brian replied, handing his empty glass to Trip.



"Can you find your way back to your room, or shall I come with you?"



Brian didn't think that was a very smart idea.  "I'm sure I can find my way. Good night, Trip," he said, quickly leaving the room and heading down the hall.  He entered his bedroom, closed the door behind him and locked it. He leaned against the door and let out a long breath that he had been holding since he left Trip's apartment.



"I can do this," he whispered.  He picked up his phone to call Justin.  He really needed to hear his voice right now.



                                                               -----



When Brian came down for breakfast he found Trip at the table and no sign of Jerome.



"Morning," he said to Trip.  "Is your father sleeping late?"



"He's not feeling too well.  He had a restless night, so you're stuck with me today," Trip said nonchalantly.  Brian hoped Trip didn't notice his reaction. This was not a good thing.



"What do you have planned?" Brian asked.



"I have a photographer lined up to do some shots of the prototype chairs.  I thought we could use your input to get some shots that might be good for your campaign, or at least in our catalogue."



"Sure," Brian replied.  At least they wouldn't be alone.



Brian and Trip spent the day together, talking about business and getting to know each other.  They had lunch at the factory in the cafeteria. Brian had to admit the food was quite good and many of the employees stopped by their table to speak to Trip.  It seemed that they had great respect for Trip and his father. Many asked about the senior Mr. Bedford's health since he wasn't with them.



"You seem to have a class act here," Brian observed.  He didn't know too much about factories, but he thought the people seemed rather happy and content with their lot there.  He knew from his own father that many people were a lot less pleased with their working conditions.



"Thanks," Trip replied, "Dad would be happy to hear you say that.  He has always believed the heart of a good company is its workforce, and he has done his best to make the working conditions and benefits top of the line."



Brian nodded.  That just verified his good impression of the Bedfords and their company.



They spent the afternoon with the photographer and got some shots that Brian thought were good.  He suggested the one to use in the catalogue and asked for some blowups to be sent to Pittsburgh.  He would use them in the print campaign.



As the day wound down Trip suggested they have dinner in the city.  He knew a nice restaurant. Brian had little choice but to agree. The food was good and they both had plenty of wine.  When they were finished, Trip wanted to take Brian to his favorite club, since he had been to Babylon with Brian. They called a taxi, neither wanting to drive after the drinks they had had with dinner.  Trip also called to check on his father and get his car and driver to pick them up from the club at midnight.



The club was called Smash and was a smaller version of Babylon.  Brian knew from vast experience that one club was much like another, and their purpose was always sex.  He and Trip danced and had more drinks. Brian knew he should slow down, but he was having a good time and he didn't want to think about his responsibilities.



When the car picked them up, Brian remembered vaguely that they were both a little unsteady.  He thought he had leaned against Trip a lot, and it seemed perfectly natural, and nothing had happened.  They arrived back at the mansion and again leaned on each other as they staggered up to Brian's room. Once in the room they both slumped down on the bed.



"I should be going," Trip said, trying to regain his feet.



"Yeah," Brian agreed.



The next thing he knew they were kissing, a long and totally pleasurable kiss.  Brian didn't know who had started it, but it was what they both wanted. Trip moaned into Brian's mouth and Brian felt his dick harden.  "Justin," the thought flashed through his mind, and he rather reluctantly pushed Trip away. Suddenly he was a lot more sober. He wasn't going to do this.



"Time for you to go," he said to Trip and helped the man to stand.



Trip looked at him longingly.  "You're sure?"



"Very."



"Too bad," Trip responded, staggering slightly as he made his way to the door.



"Trip, that kiss should never have happened," Brian said softly.



"I know, but we both wanted it.  Maybe we won't remember it in the morning," Trip said.  Both of them knew there wasn't much chance of that.



Trip closed the door behind him, and Brian locked it, more to keep himself in than to keep anyone out.  He knew Trip wouldn't come back.



"Fuck!" he muttered.  "That was close."



                                                               -----



When Brian went down to breakfast in the morning, he was dreading a confrontation with Trip.  He remembered most of what had happened last night, but more, he remembered what didn't happen.



Jerome was seated at the table in the dining room.  There was no sign of Trip. Brian let out a sigh of relief.  He took some coffee and a bagel from the sideboard.



"Is that all you're having?" Jerome asked.



"I don't eat much," Brian replied.



"You look a little hung over."

"A bit," Brian agreed.



"I guess Trip took you to some clubs."



"Yeah."



"He's not feeling up to snuff this morning either.  He wanted me to tell you goodbye, and that he hopes to see you soon.  He's still in bed."



"Oh."



"Brian, nothing happened last night, did it?"



Brian was pretty sure what 'nothing' Jerome wanted to know about.  "No," he said, "nothing happened."



"Good.  I love my son, and he's a wonderful man, but he doesn't always make the best choices."



Brian thought he understood what the man was telling him.  "I'm in a relationship, and I'm not going to screw it up."



"That's good.  I really enjoy working with you and I know Trip does too."



"The feeling's mutual," Brian replied, thinking of other feelings that were mutual as well.



Jerome stood up.  He shook Brian's hand and said, "The car will take you to the airport as soon as you're ready."

"Thanks."



Brian went up to his room to gather the rest of his things.  He wasn't going to see Trip before he left, and maybe that was just as well.  He had a long flight home to think things over and decide exactly what he was going to tell Justin about his business 'trip'.

Gone Fishing

Justin picked Brian up at the airport when he arrived back from Indianapolis.  It was just after noon. He drove them directly to the loft where Brian changed his clothes.  They gathered up anything else they thought they might need and added it to the bags that Justin had already packed.  As soon as they had everything they drove to Lindsay's to pick up Gus.



Neither one of them had mentioned anything about Indianapolis or most specifically Trip Bedford.  Justin figured that at some point during their fishing weekend with Gus they would get around to it.  Brian figured that the longer they avoided talking about it, the greater the chance Justin might not broach the subject, and the longer he would have to decide exactly what he was going to say, if Justin did force him to talk about it.



When they approached the munchers' house, Gus was standing on the front porch, his hand firmly grasped by his mother.  As the Jeep rounded the corner, Gus began to bounce up and down with excitement.



"Fishing!  Fishing!" Gus shouted.



It was all his mother could do to keep him from escaping and racing out in front of the Jeep.  When Brian finally stepped out of the car, Lindsay released her son and he raced to his father, flinging himself into Brian's arms.



"Whoa, Sonny Boy," Brian said as soothingly as he could.  "Calm down. We'll leave in a few minutes."



"Fishing!" Gus shrieked, wrapping his arms tightly around Brian's neck.



Brian stood up with Gus clinging to him.  He was sure he could have let go of the boy and Gus would still have hung like a pendant from his neck.  His grip was viselike.



"Could you wind him up a little tighter for us?" Brian asked Lindsay sarcastically.



She chuckled.  "He's been almost uncontrollable ever since you told him you were taking him fishing.  I'm so glad you get to deal with him for the next three days."



"Thanks!" Brian sighed.  "Is his shit ready?"



"Shit!" Gus said, still holding on tightly to his father.



"Brian!" Lindsay admonished.  "Watch your language! Don't bring him back here swearing like a trooper."



Brian grimaced.  "We're heading out into the wilderness.  I don't think we'll have time to worry about language," Brian said with a superior look on his face.



"Wilderness, my foot!" Lindsay responded.  "Just bring him back in one piece and without a foul mouth.



"I'll do my best, mother!"



Justin had been carrying Gus' bags to the Jeep while Brian and Lindsay bantered back and forth.  He came back onto the porch and Gus reached for him. Justin took the little boy from Brian.



"Ready for fishing, partner?" Justin asked him.



"Fishing!"  Gus grinned and gave Justin a kiss.



"Gus," Brian said, "give mommy a kiss and let's blow this place."

Gus kissed his mother and gave her a big hug.  Then he took Justin's hand and waited to go fishing.



"Take care of him, you guys," Lindsay said a little choked up.



"He'll be fine," Brian said, kissing her cheek.



Lindsay tried to smile at him.



"I'll look after both of them," Justin stated.



"Thank God, there's one adult in the group!" Lindsay chuckled, feeling better that Justin was going and had some sense of what he was doing.



Brian gave them both a withering look, grabbed Gus' hand and marched out to the Jeep.



"I think you insulted him," Justin said.



"I did?  You will make sure that Gus is okay?" Lindsay asked softly.



"Of course.  Don't worry! We'll all be fine," Justin reassured her.



She gave Justin a peck on the cheek and he went to join the others in the Jeep.  Brian already had Gus buckled into his car seat. He started the engine and gunned it without a backward glance.  Justin and Gus tried to return Lindsay's waves.



"That wasn't very nice!" Justin admonished Brian.



"Fuck her!  She pissed me off," Brian grumbled, keeping his voice low so Gus wouldn't hear.



"Don't spoil this, Brian.  Forget what she said."



Brian didn't answer, but he knew Justin was right.  As they drove in silence, he allowed his anger and ill will to subside.  By the time they were on the outskirts of Pittsburgh, he had pretty much returned to normal.  Justin had put in a CD and they listened to it for awhile. When that was done, Justin and Gus sang some kiddy songs, and even got Brian to join in once or twice.  They did a lot of laughing and generally enjoyed themselves. Finally Gus dozed off, lulled by the constant sound and motion of the car.



Brian kept glancing over at Justin.  After the tenth time Justin said, "What?  You're driving me nuts."



"You amaze me sometimes," Brian said.



"I know I'm pretty amazing," Justin boasted, "but what do you mean?"

"I was in a foul mood, dreading four hours of driving, then Lindsay ticks me off, and we're headed for God knows what in the middle of nowhere…" Brian griped.



"And your point is?"



"You have me smiling and singing fucking kiddy songs, and enjoying myself."

Justin smiled at him and didn't say anything.  This was the best part of being together. They did enjoy each other's company, not just the fucking.  And when Brian actually said out loud that he appreciated what they had, Justin's heart burst with love and pride.



"Aren't you going to say anything?" Brian asked.



"You said it all!" Justin responded.  "I was thinking of a suitable reward for you for being so perceptive about how wonderful I am."



"Arrogant shit!" Brian smiled back at him.



They drove on for another hour until Gus woke up.  He was hungry and a little cranky. Justin had been studying his map.



"We're almost to the last town before the cabin," Justin told Brian.  "I think we should have some dinner there and stock up on a few things we'll need for the weekend.  The cabin's about a half hour past the town."



Brian agreed, wanting to get out and walk around a bit.  They found a greasy spoon, not too different from the Liberty Diner.  Gus wolfed down his hot dog and fries. Brian had coffee and a roast beef sandwich, no mayo.  They didn't have turkey. Justin had a huge hamburger and fries. Brian shook his head at the two gluttons he was traveling with.



"What's wrong, Dada?" Gus asked seeing the expression on his father's face.   



"Where do you two put it all?" Brian asked rhetorically.



"Hungry!" Gus stated, as if that explained everything.  He continued to gobble his remaining fries.



"It's our youthful metabolism," Justin joked.



"Ass..." Brian started to say, but stopped remembering Gus' penchant for copying him.



"Hole," Gus completed his sentence, smiling angelically.



Justin almost spit out his last bite of hamburger at Gus' perfect understanding of Brian's mood and word.  "He certainly is your son," Justin teased.



Brian groaned.  "Was there ever any doubt?"


They finished eating.  The waitress directed them to the local grocery store where they got milk and a few other necessities to add to the cooler that Justin had bought for their trip.  They completed the last half hour of their trip singing and goofing around. As Justin directed them into a driveway that was little more than a glorified path, Brian was glad the Jeep had four wheel drive.  He also had many misgivings about what he had gotten himself into.



At the end of the trail they were following stood a quite presentable looking building.  Brian was pleased, having expected something much worse.



"My uncle said they had done some work on the place," Justin said, looking around.  "They've added a new part to the cabin." He pointed to one side of the building. Justin walked over to the door.  He reached down by the steps and picked up a cement frog ornament.



"Bait?" Brian asked his tongue in his cheek.



"Key," replied Justin, pulling out a plug from the bottom of the frog and producing a key to get into the cabin.  He unlocked the door, just as Brian was getting Gus out of his car seat.



Brian set Gus down and he jumped up and down, shouting, "Fishing, fishing!"



"We have to unload the Jeep first," Brian told him.  He handed Gus a little bag and told him to take it to Justin.  Gus dutifully carried it up to the door that Justin had propped open.  Justin took it from him and Brian dumped his load of stuff on the porch.  "Come on, Gus," Brian said. "There's more to carry." Gus went with his father and each time Brian carried a load to the porch Gus carried a little bundle of his own.  Brian figured this was the best way to keep Gus busy or he'd keep them busy, and they'd never get settled in.



When everything was out of the Jeep Brian carried the remaining pile into the cabin where Justin had put most of the stuff away.  Brian moved their bags into the bedrooms. There was one bedroom that surely was for kids with a couple of bunk beds. He put Gus' stuff in there.  Farther along the hallway in the new part of the building was a very nice master bedroom. Brian dropped his and Justin's bags in there and checked the bathroom.  He wanted to see what an environmental porta-potty looked like. It looked just the same as a regular toilet. He couldn't see how this thing could be moved to empty it.  He went back out to the kitchen where Justin was putting things into the fridge.



"This place isn't so rustic," Brian observed.



"I know," Justin replied.  "They've really made a lot of improvements since the last time I was here."



"I don't think we even have a porta-potty."



"Oh?"



"I was kind of looking forward to seeing you shovel the shit!" Brian grinned at him.



Justin groaned.  "Why do I put up with you?" he asked.



"You can't help yourself."



"Fishing," they heard Gus say wistfully.  The little boy was staring out the patio doors at a small lake behind the cabin.



They both stopped what they were doing and walked over to Gus.  The lake was very calm with the sun beginning to set over the far shore.  Brian put his hand on Gus' shoulder and his arm around Justin's back. The three stood staring out at the lake.



"It's beautiful," Brian said softly.



"If the conditions are right, the lake turns pink when the sun goes down," Justin explained.



"Pink," Gus said.



"Let's go sit on the dock and watch the sunset," Justin said.



"That sounds good," Brian agreed.  "All right with you, Sonny Boy?"



Gus nodded.



Brian and Justin each got a beer and Justin poured apple juice into a cup for Gus.  Brian undid the security locks on the patio doors and they walked out.



"They've built a gazebo," Justin said, pointing to a screened in octagon at the end of the deck.  "If the mosquitoes are too bad, we can sit in there, but let's try the dock first."



They walked out to the end of the dock.  Justin took off his shoes and socks and sat on the end dangling his feet in the water.  "Feels good," he said. Brian followed suit, rolling up his jeans. He took off Gus' shoes too, but the little boy's legs came nowhere near the water.  He didn't seem to mind though, happy to sit between his Dada and Justin and look at the lake.



The bugs weren't too bad.  There was a little breeze off the water and it was very pleasant sitting there.  They sipped their drinks and talked about fishing tomorrow. Justin pointed out the small boat tied to the dock.  He said they could fish from the dock, but they would probably have more luck if they went out into the lake in the boat.  A butterfly flitted by and Gus giggled in wonder. Brian watched his son, knowing that this weekend would be quite an experience for the little boy.  Hell, it would be quite an experience for him too. He had never done anything like this before. The sun was beginning to go down, and sure enough, the lake turned a golden pink.



"That's amazing!" Brian said, looking at the transformation of the lake into a magical domain.  The colors flickered and glowed.



"Amazing!" Gus whispered, staring out at the lake.



Brian and Justin looked at the boy.  He was pretty amazing himself.



"It's so beautiful here," Justin sighed.  "I always loved coming here when I was little."

"How long has it been since you were here?" Brian asked.



"I guess the last time was the summer I was fourteen."

"No wonder they have changed things.  That's six years ago. Why haven't you been back?"



"My Dad was too busy to take time off, and Mom didn't want to come without him, even though her brother always asked her to."

"How does your uncle feel about you being gay?" Brian asked.



"He's okay about it, I think.  I don't see him too often, but he lent us the cabin, so he must not care."

The sun had just about disappeared and the pink was fast becoming a steely blue.  Gus leaned against his father, yawning.



"I think it's bedtime for someone," Brian said.  He stood up and picked up Gus. He gave Justin a hand up and they walked back to the cabin, Gus half asleep on Brian's shoulder.  They got him into his pajamas, helped him brush his teeth, and tucked him into a bottom bunk bed. The little boy was asleep before they left the room.



Brian and Justin went back to the living room.  They got another beer and sat on the couch which gave them a view of the lake.  The last bits of color were just disappearing. Justin leaned against Brian's chest and sighed.



"Happy?" Brian asked.



"Very!" Justin declared.



"I was dreading roughing it, but this isn't so bad."

Justin snorted.  "This is hardly roughing it.  At one time there was no electricity or running water up here."



"What did you do?" Brian asked, wondering how you could live like that for even a few days.



"We made do.  Actually it was kind of fun.  Swimming instead of baths. We had oil lamps and flashlights.  The kids had quite a system of signals using the flashlights. We'd sneak out into the woods and smoke every now and then.  Two blinks of the flashlight meant the adults were asleep and it was safe to sneak out. Three flashes outside meant put the cigarette out because somebody was coming."



"I had no idea you were such a degenerate at so young an age."



"And here you thought you had corrupted me and taught me all those vices."



"That's what your father thought," Brian said ruefully.



"Brian, you have never done anything to me that I didn't want you to do … except Ethan and the threesomes."



"I know now that I should never have made you come to the baths with me, but I really thought you were getting off on it."



"I did at first, but then I discovered it wasn't for me."



"You're going to tell me, if I ask you to do something you don't want to do?"



"I sure am!" Justin stated.  "So what happened in Indianapolis?"



Brian groaned.  "Nothing happened.  I had my meeting and I came home … to you."



"Did you see Trip?"



"Yes."

"You're not giving me much information here."

"There's nothing to tell."

"Somehow I find that hard to believe."



Brian groaned again.  He had already decided to tell Justin the whole story, but he still dreaded doing it.  If he had learned anything from the Noel fiasco, it was that they were strongest when they trusted each other and told the truth, all of the truth.



"What did that groan mean?" Justin asked, suspecting there was more to the story than Brian had shared so far.


"Here goes," Brian said.  "You know the sketch of me in the leather pants that you sold in New York?   Trip bought it."



"What?  Fuck!"



"He knew you were in New York taking an art course.  I told him that when I told him I was in a relationship.  He went there on business and saw the show advertised." Brian answered all of Justin's questions before he could ask them.



"Fuck!" Justin repeated, not knowing what to say.



"There's more," Brian added.



It was Justin's turn to groan.



"We went out to his favorite club and … and we both got smashed," Brian chuckled ruefully.



"What's so funny?" Justin demanded, a stricken look on his face.



"The club is called Smash," Brian explained.



Justin didn't see anything funny about that.  "And what happened while you two were 'smashed'?"



"He kissed me.  We … kissed each other."

"Oh."



"But that was all.  I thought of you and I told him to get out."



"You did?" Justin asked.  He didn't know whether to be angry about the kiss or happy that Brian had told him to stop.



"I did," Brian said proudly.  "I knew I could be strong."



Justin could hear the pride in Brian's voice, and he realized how hard that must have been for the man.  From everything Justin knew, Trip was to die for, and he was very interested in Brian. But Brian had turned him down, because he was thinking of Justin.



"I love you," Justin said and kissed Brian deeply.



"Let's go to bed," Brian said huskily.



"Not yet."



"Not yet?  Why?"



"We have to dig some worms first."



"Are you insane?"



"No.  If you want Gus to catch a fish tomorrow, we need some bait, so let's go outside and dig some night crawlers."


"Can't we do it in the morning, if we have to do it at all?  I want to fuck you."



"I want to fuck you too, but they're called night crawlers because they are active at night.  We need to dig them now."

Brian groaned.  "I knew I was going to hate this."

"Come on," Justin said taking his hand and tugging him up from the couch.  "It'll be faster if we both dig, and then you can fuck me that much sooner."  Justin wiggled his delicious bottom at Brian as he headed for the door.



Brian groaned again, but this time from desire, not misery.



It only took them a few minutes to collect a bottle of worms from the garden by the cabin.  Brian did more than his share of complaining, but he did help and wasn't too obnoxious about it.  Justin made sure the lid on the bottle of worms was tight, kissed Brian and raced to the bedroom. He threw off pieces of clothing along the way, and was naked by the time he hit the bed.  He lay back in all his splendor, stroking his hardening cock, as Brian arrived in the room almost undressed himself. He kicked off his jeans and threw himself on top of Justin.



"Shut the door," Justin told him before things got too heated.  "We don't want Gus walking in on us.



Brian reluctantly got up and shut the door.  "We'll be able to hear him if he gets up, won't we?"



"The walls are pretty thin, but we can open the door when we're through.


And Brian was on him again.  He took Justin's cock and stroked it to full erection.  All the while his other hand roamed Justin's body, his nipples, his balls, his ass.  Brian's mouth engulfed his lover's cock, sucking and licking, tugging and humming. Justin thrashed about beneath him, ready to explode.



"Finish me off or fuck me!" he begged Brian.



Brian grabbed a condom which he had carefully placed beside the bed when they had first arrived.  He handed it to Justin who slid it over Brian's thick and pulsing dick. Brian's lubed fingers were already working their way into Justin's pucker and the boy's hand shook as he lubed Brian's shaft.



"My little fisherman!" Brian whispered in that husky, sensuous voice that sent shivers up Justin's spine.



"I've already made my catch," Justin declared, claiming Brian's lips in a fierce kiss.



Brian's cock pushed past the first ring of muscle, and Justin expelled a breath into Brian's mouth.  Brian thrust again and was fully inside. Justin bucked against him and the ride began. It would be hard and fast, each straining to give the other as much pleasure as possible.  When they came, it was explosive and powerful and right.



They lay in each other's arms afterwards, holding on tenderly but tightly.



"I can never get close enough to you," Justin whispered.



"That was the reason I stopped Trip.  I remembered how you give me your whole being, how you seem to reach inside me, and you're the only one who will ever be able to do that.  You're all there is for me."



Justin reached up for Brian's mouth and kissed him with such joy and enthusiasm that he took Brian's breath away.  "I love you so much. I should smack you for mentioning Trip right after we made love, but how can I be mad at you when you say things like that?"

"I…I just said it without thinking.  I didn't mean to spoil the moment."



"You didn't.  What you said was wonderful."



"Should I open the door or do you want to go again?"



"Again!" Justin declared, a grin spreading across his face.



"That's the other reason I stopped Trip.  He could never be as insatiable as you are."


"Why don't you quit while you're ahead?" Justin asked, not wanting to hear another word about Trip.



No more words were needed until they finally opened their door, and said goodnight to each other.



                                                              -----



The morning dawned bright and clear.  Gus pushed back the door of his father's room and it hit the wall.  Brian sat up startled.



"Dada!" Gus said, running to the bed.  "Where were you?"



"I'm right here, Sonny Boy," Brian said, lifting him into the bed. "Were you scared when you woke up?"



"A little," Gus nodded.



"Well, we're right here.  Sleepyhead Justin should wake up any time now."



"Sleepyhead!" Gus repeated, giggling.



"I'm awake," Justin mumbled rolling over.



Gus leaned over and kissed him.  "I love you, Justin."



"I love you too, partner," Justin said returning the kiss.  "Are you ready to go fishing?"



"Fishing!" Gus shouted.  "Now!"



"Let's get cracking," Justin replied.  "The earlier we start, the better the chance we'll catch something."



They got up, had some toast and juice, and got ready to go fishing.  Justin packed some drinks and told Brian to get three fishing rods from a cupboard.  There was a small one which looked right for Gus. They carried everything out to the boat and Justin started it up.  There was no noise from the motor. Brian looked questioningly at Justin.



"It's an electric motor," Justin explained.  "They don't allow noisy motors on this lake. All the property owners have agreed to that."

"It's kind of nice not to have to listen to boats roaring around," Brian said, as their small aluminum boat moved soundlessly out into the lake.



Justin made sure Brian put the smallest lifejacket on Gus.  They had all worn long sleeved shirts since they would be in the sun for a couple of hours.  Brian slathered Gus with suntan lotion and then did the same for Justin. They all secured their hats as the boat moved a little faster.  Justin convinced Brian to use the suntan lotion too, and he covered his face with it as Justin steered to his favorite fishing spot.



Once they cut the engine, Justin opened the bottle of worms and took Gus' fishing pole.  He skewered a worm on the hook and showed Gus how to drop it over the side of the boat and move it around a bit to attract the attention of fish.  Gus grinned as he played with the pole, swaying it back and forth. Then he giggled with absolute joy. Brian and Justin smiled at each other, watching Gus fulfill his greatest desire.  Brian kept a hand on his shoulder because he wanted to stand up and Brian wanted him to stay seated.



Justin offered a worm to Brian to put on his hook.  Brian made a face and refused to take it.



"Chicken!" Justin said, putting the worm on for him.



Brian dropped his line over the side and Justin got his own ready.  They all sat in silence for a few minutes waiting for something to happen.



"When are the fish going to bite?" Brian asked.



"There's no guarantee they will."

"Oh?  Somebody will be disappointed if they don't," Brian said indicating Gus.



"Are you having fun, Gus?" Justin asked.



The little boy beamed at him.



"You like fishing?" Brian asked him.



Gus nodded.  "Amazing!" he said, using the word from last night.



The two adults chuckled, just as Gus dropped his pole in surprise.  Justin grabbed it before it disappeared over the side of the boat.



"You've got a bite," Justin told Gus.  He put the pole in Gus' hands, but held on to it as well.  He angled Gus around to stand between his legs and carefully showed him how to turn the reel and start to bring in the fish.  The little boy's eyes were the size of saucers and Brian wasn't sure his son was still breathing. He looked mesmerized and scared and thunderstruck.  Brian watched in fascination as his two boys landed the first fish of the day. He handed the net to Justin and they pulled a fair sized trout out of the water.



"Lunch," Justin said grinning at Brian.



The fish gave a few jerks and Gus jumped.  He didn't look too happy about this aspect of fishing.  Justin opened the cooler and placed the fish inside on the ice they had laid on the bottom.



"You just caught your first fish, Sonny Boy," Brian said, trying to reassure Gus.  "Good job!"



Gus grinned at his father.  Justin had put another worm on Gus' hook and dropped it over the side of the boat.  He smiled at Brian as Gus again began gently swinging his pole through the water. They sat in silence for several minutes, nothing else biting.  Suddenly Gus jumped. He didn't drop the pole this time, but he held it toward Justin who once again helped him. This time it was a tiny fish that Justin said they should put back so it could grow up to be a big fish.  Gus agreed and they let it go.



Brian asked Gus if he was thirsty and they all had a drink.  Justin felt his pole pull down and knew he had a bite. He got Gus to help him reel it in and they added it to the cooler.  Brian didn't look too happy. He hadn't had a single bite. Justin tried to encourage him, but he seemed more interested in watching Gus than fishing himself.



After a long while Gus got another bite and they pulled in a decent sized fish.  That made three fish which Justin said was plenty for lunch and probably dinner. He suggested they call it a morning and head back to the cabin.  Brian agreed.



Justin and Brian cleaned the fish and put them in the refrigerator till they were ready to cook them.  They got the charcoal and fired up the barbecue, letting the coals burn down while they sat on the deck having a beer.



"How did you like fishing?" Brian asked Gus.



"Good!"



"You want to go again later?" Justin asked.



Gus nodded.



"I think we have a new Red Fisher," Brian chuckled.



"Who's Red Fisher?" Justin asked.



Brian groaned.  He wanted to think of Justin as an adult, but he was so young and just didn't have the same frame of reference for things.  "He was this guy who had a fishing show on TV. He invited actors and semi-famous people up to Scuttlebutt Lodge, took them fishing and showed their adventure on his show."



"You actually watched that?" Justin asked in disbelief.



"Noooo!" Brian replied, but I saw a bit of it from time to time.  It was so bad it was interesting … sometimes."



"You did have a dysfunctional life before I came along to save you!"



Brian stuck his tongue out at Justin.  He heard Gus giggling. "Don't you start, Sonny Boy!" Brian cautioned.  Gus gave him his most angelic look. Justin was suffocating, trying to hold in his laughter.  Suddenly Brian burst out laughing too, and they all laughed until their sides hurt.



Justin watched Brian.  It was rare to see Brian laugh like that.  Justin could only think of one or two times when he had seen such genuine enjoyment radiating from Brian.  If nothing else, this weekend had given them that.



"I thought you were going to be an old grump when you didn't catch a fish today, and here you are laughing until it hurts."



"You two crack me up," Brian observed.



"Well you're pretty funny yourself.  That Red Fisher story! I bet you made all that up."

Brian gave Justin his best 'Who Me?' look, and they all started laughing again.



The fresh fish made a delicious lunch.  Gus gobbled down the fish as fast as Brian could make sure there were no hidden bones in a piece.  Brian got a few bites in between and they all declared it to be the best thing they had ever eaten.  They had cooked all three fish and they devoured most of it.



Justin leaned back, licking his fingers.  They had all discovered it was easiest to pull the fish apart with their hands, check for bones, and eat it with their fingers.



"What are you smiling at?" Brian asked, wiping Gus' face.



"This is the first meal where I have truly brought home the bacon, or the trout to be more exact," Justin said.



"You've made lots of meals at the loft."



"I know, but this one I caught, or Gus and I caught."  Justin smiled at the little boy who chose that moment to let out a big belch.  Brian and Justin chuckled and Gus grinned. "I feel like I really am contributing to our life together."



"Don't ever think that you don't," Brian said seriously.



Justin appreciated those words.  He was always going to be younger than Brian and not as advanced in his career.  Brian would probably be the breadwinner for many years to come. Who knew if he would ever make much from his artwork?  It was a pretty risky business. He was glad to have this opportunity to provide for his family. He hoped he would get other chances as time went on.



"It's too bad it's too cool to go swimming," Justin said.  "Early June the water is still really cold."



"I should get the munchers to put Gus in swimming lessons, so he could swim in the lake," Brian said.



"You'd come back here again?"



"I've had a great time so far!" Brian replied genuinely.



Justin beamed at him.  "I could see if we could get the cabin in July or August," Justin suggested.



"That would be fine, wouldn't it, Sonny Boy?" Brian replied.



Gus nodded.  "Fishing!" he said with his usual enthusiasm.



"Should we try again this afternoon?" Justin asked.  Father and son nodded at him.



They cleaned up from lunch and did try fishing later in the afternoon.  No one caught anything. Justin explained that early morning was really the best time to fish.  They decided they would try again Sunday morning before they left. They sat on the deck, taught Gus how to play Parcheesi, laughed and talked a lot.  It was an easy, happy day for them all.



Sunday morning Gus caught two more fish, and so did Justin.  Brian never had a bite, but he didn't seem to mind. He loved watching the other two and their excitement over their catches.  They cleaned the fish and decided to take them home to Melanie and Lindsay. Gus could be the provider for dinner that night.



They started repacking the Jeep to get ready to leave.  Gus whimpered a bit when he realized what was happening.  Brian used the same trick of having Gus carry a little bundle of stuff to the Jeep with each load he carried.  That took Gus' mind off their impending departure. Brian showed him that his fish were in the cooler to take to his mommies.  Gus was very happy about that. He wanted to show them what he had caught.



When everything was cleaned up and locked up, Brian loaded his son into his car seat.  Gus looked at the cabin wanting to cry.



"We'll come back," Brian told him.  "You're a good fisherman, Gus. We'll bring you back another time."



That seemed to cheer Gus up and he smiled at his father.  He reached out his arms for Brian to hug him. He kissed Brian's cheek and said, "Thank you, Dada."



"Tell Justin that."



Gus held his arms out to Justin and told him the same thing.  Justin beamed his Sunshine smile.



They got into the Jeep and started down the path to the road.



"I can hardly wait until Thomas the Train goes big game hunting," Justin teased.



Brian groaned, and then smiled at his lover.  He and Justin and Gus could do anything, together.

Funeral

Brian gathered up his notes and stood, stretching his back to relieve some of the tension he knew was captured there.  He squeezed the bridge of his nose and willed away the headache he had felt building for the last hour. Another fucking meeting finally over, he turned to leave the conference room.  One of his assistants, Jack, who had been in the meeting, had stood up, but had a very pained expression on his face.



"I know just how you feel!" Brian said.  "These fucking meetings will be the death of all of us."


Jack made a strange strangled sound from the back of his throat and pitched forward onto the conference table.  Brian looked at him for a second, not sure what was happening. As Jack's body started to slide off the table, Brian grabbed the man and eased him down onto the floor.



"Call 911!" Brian yelled, knowing Jack was in real trouble.



Cynthia stepped up beside Brian, who still cradled Jack in his arms.  "Lay him down, Brian, and loosen his tie," she ordered.



Brian did as she indicated.  When Jack was flat on his back, she checked his mouth and started CPR.  Brian sat on the floor watching her in horrified fascination. He had no idea how long Cynthia worked on Jack, but it seemed like forever.  Cynthia had a thin sheen of sweat on her face and arms by the time the paramedics arrived. They quickly took over and Brian helped Cynthia up.  They were administering some kind of IV and getting the defibrillator thing ready to zap him.



"Are you all right?" Brian asked Cynthia, putting his arm around her back.  He felt her sway and lean into him. He grabbed a chair and sat her down.



"I … I … I did what I could," she managed to get out, tears beginning in her eyes.



"You were great!" Brian told her.  "I had no idea what to do."

"Is he still alive?" she asked, looking at the paramedics who were now loading Jack onto a stretcher.



"I don't know, but they're still working on him, so I guess that's a good sign," Brian said.



Gardner Vance came up to Brian. "Contact his family," he said.  "They're taking him to Roswell."



The stretcher was pushed through the door and Jack disappeared to whatever fate awaited him.



"I have his home number in my rolodex," Cynthia said, trying to stand.  Her knees wobbled and she sat down quickly.



"Stay put, Cynthia," Brian said.  "I'll do it. Umm … what's his last name?" he asked, embarrassed that he didn't even know Jack's full name.  The man had worked with him since Vance took over the company. He had never bothered to find out anything about Jack's family or about his life.  "Does he have a wife?" Brian asked. Cynthia nodded.



Brian went out to Cynthia's desk.  People stood around with stunned looks on their faces, whispering and comforting each other.  He found the number and jotted it down, preferring to make this call from the privacy of his own office.



The phone rang three times before it was picked up.  A female voice said, "Hello?"



"Mrs. Simpson?" Brian asked.



"Yes."



"This is Brian Kinney from Vangard Advertising."



"Yes?"



He could hear the slight note of panic in that single word.  "It's Jack. I think he's had a heart attack. They've taken him to Roswell," Brian said.



"Oh … oh … oh no!" she moaned.



"Mrs. Simpson?" Brian said firmly.  "Mrs. Simpson, is there someone there with you or someone who can go with you to the hospital?"



"No," she said.  "No one. I … I'll get a taxi.  Is he still alive? My daughter!  What can I do with Emily?" The poor woman was babbling.



Brian had never had to do anything like this before.  Maybe he shouldn't have told her over the phone. Maybe he should have gone to the house.  He was useless at this kind of thing. "Is there a neighbor who could look after your daughter?" he asked gently.



"Yes!  Yes!" Mrs. Simpson sighed gratefully.  "Mrs. Roberts is next door. Thank you.  I'll talk to her."



"Would you like me to come pick you up and take you to the hospital?" Brian asked, not sure why he was offering this, but feeling that he needed to do something for this woman who was so distraught.



"Oh, that's not necessary," she said.



"I don't mind," Brian lied.



"It would be nice to have someone with me," she choked out.



Brian got her address and went out to the lobby.  He looked in the conference room to be sure Cynthia was all right.  She gave him a tired smile and he told her where he was going.



"That's nice of you, Brian.  I'm sure she'll appreciate a strong arm to lean on."



"I wish I had a strong arm to lean on too," Brian thought.  "Should he call Justin?" he wondered. He would like to have him there, but the young man didn't need another trip to Roswell, especially if Jack didn't make it.  He decided not to call Justin who would be at work at the art gallery.



                                                              -----



It had taken Brian about twenty minutes to find his way to the small house where Jack and his family lived.  He saw a woman pacing on the front sidewalk. He stopped the Jeep and reached over to push the door open. "Mrs. Simpson?" he said.



She nodded and got in.  "Call me Mary," she said gently.



"I'm Brian," he replied.  "I'll get you to the hospital as quickly as I can."



He sped off, all too familiar with the route to the hospital.  Mary stared straight ahead, not saying a word. Brian didn't know what to say to her, so he stayed quiet too.



When they arrived at the hospital, he dropped her at Emergency and parked the car.  He walked into the busy room with trepidation. Mary was talking to someone at the desk, as he walked over to her.



"They don't seem to know what I'm talking about," she said forlornly.



"We're here about Jack Simpson," Brian stated.  "He was brought in from Vangard Advertising, by ambulance," Brian added.



"Oh," the woman behind the desk said.  "Yes, here it is. You should have told me that he was brought in by ambulance," she chastised Mary.



"Who the fuck cares how he was brought in!  Where is he and how is he?" Brian demanded.



The woman gave him a disgusted look, but said that she would check on where Mr. Simpson was.  "Are you his wife?" she asked Mary.



Mary nodded.



"Come sit down over here," Brian suggested when the woman at the desk disappeared through a door behind her.  He hoped she was going to check on Jack.



Mary sat, her eyes fixed on the door, waiting for news.  After what seemed like an eternity, a doctor appeared in the doorway.  He strode over to Brian and Mary. "Could you come with me please?" he asked, and Brian knew the news was not going to be good.



The doctor led them into an office and indicated two chairs side by side.  They sat. Brian wished he was somewhere else, anywhere else. The doctor looked from Mary to Brian.  "I'm sorry," he said. "We couldn't do anything. It was a massive heart attack."

He felt Mary shiver and then sob.  He gently put his arm around her shoulders.  He didn't know what else to do, so he simply held her against his chest and let her cry.  After a few minutes she pulled away and asked for a tissue. Brian handed her the box from the desk, thinking that there must be many sad announcements made in this office.  He wondered how many boxes of tissues they went through in a week.



"Do I have to do anything here?" she asked the doctor.



"Would you like to see him?"



"Yes," she whispered.



"Come with me," the doctor said leading her out of the office.  She turned and held out her hand for Brian to come with her. He could do nothing but follow.



Mary went into a cubicle with the doctor.  Brian stayed outside because he thought Mary would like a minute alone with her husband.  The doctor came out. He motioned Brian away from the cubicle.



"She's in rough shape," he said.  "I hope you will stay with her or arrange for someone else to be with her.  She shouldn't be alone. Once she contacts a funeral home, they will take over all the details," he said matter-of-factly.



Brian thanked him and waited for Mary to come out.  He didn't want to go in there. He felt somehow guilty that he didn't know more about Jack, that he had never taken the time to get to know him or most of the other people he worked with.  He paced back and forth while he waited.



Finally Mary reappeared looking pale but more composed.  "You waited?" she said.



"I couldn't leave you alone," he replied.



"I appreciate your help."



"It's the least I can do.  Would you like me to take you home now?"



"Yes, please."



They walked out to the Jeep, Brian firmly holding her arm and willing her to be strong.  The ride back to the house was mostly in silence, but as they drew near, Brian needed to know some things.  "Do you have some family that should be contacted?" he asked her, hoping there was someone who could come and stay with her.



"I called my sister before you came.  She lives in Cleveland, and they were going to leave to come here as soon as they could.  They should be here soon," she said looking at her watch.



"That's good.  I could stay until they arrive," he offered.



"That would be good.  I don't think I want to be alone right now."



"Sure."



They pulled up in front of the house.  She handed Brian her key and asked him to open the door.  She went to the neighboring house to get her daughter. Brian waited in the doorway until she returned with the little girl who looked to be about Gus' age.   



"Emily, say hello to Brian," she said.



Emily shyly said, "Hi."



Brian smiled at the little girl, thinking what Gus would do if it had been him with the heart attack.  He tried to push that thought out of his head. He followed Mary and Emily into the house.



Mary got Emily some apple juice and put her in the family room to play with her dolls.  Brian thought of the irony of that term 'family room'. There was only part of a family left for that little one now.



"Do you want to contact a funeral home?" Brian asked, looking at his watch.  It was almost five, and he thought they should do it now before the end of the business day.  "Or we can wait till your sister arrives," he added.



"I don't know a funeral home, and neither will my sister."



"My father died not too long ago," Brian said.  "Ironically his name was Jack too," he felt compelled to add.  "I could call that funeral service. They did a good job."



"Would you?" she sighed in relief.  "We've only been here a few months, since Jack got the job at Vangard, and I don't know the city or what to do or who to call …" Her voice trailed off and tears started to roll down her face.



"I'll call them right now.  Why don't you go sit with Emily?"



"Yes … yes," she said.  "I will."



Brian was glad to have something useful to do.  He looked up the funeral home in the phone book and called them.  They said they would see to the body, and that Mary should come to their offices in the morning to make all of the arrangements.



Brian went into the family room to find Mary sitting on the floor rocking Emily in her lap.  He watched in silence for a minute, not sure whether he should speak. Finally he said, "Mary," in a soft voice.



She looked up at him and set Emily back on the floor.  She stood up and came over to him. He explained what he had done and said the name and address of the funeral home was on the pad in the kitchen.  They wanted to talk to her in the morning.



Just then the doorbell rang.  Mary looked at it with fear in her eyes, like maybe it would be her dead husband or something.  She seemed frozen on the spot. Brian went to the door. He opened it to reveal a woman who looked much like Mary.  She pushed past Brian without a word and went to her sister. They were soon sobbing in each other's arms.



Brian turned back to close the door, when a man walked up the steps.  He shook Brian's hand. "I'm Mary's brother-in-law, Simon," he said.



"Brian Kinney.  I worked with Jack at Vangard," Brian replied.



"I take it the news is not good," he said looking at the weeping women.



"He didn't make it."



"Damn."



"It's fucking crummy," Brian responded.  "I should probably take off now that you're here.  I called a funeral service and they are expecting Mary in the morning.  Their name and address is on the pad in the kitchen. They're looking after the body."



"Thanks Brian," he said.



Mary stepped away from her sister and took Brian's hand.  "Thank you for staying with me. I don't know what I would have done without you."



"It's the least I could do.  Take care," he said and went out the door.



On the porch Brian took a deep breath.  That was one of the worst things he had ever had to do.  He lit a cigarette and noted that his hand was shaking. He needed a drink or two or twelve.



                                                             -----



When Justin arrived at the loft a little before seven, he found Brian on the couch, three sheets to the wind.  "Brian?" he asked.



Brian looked up at him, eyes unable or unwilling to focus on him.  "Justin!" he sighed, shaking his head.



"Brian?  What's going on?"



Brian continued to shake his head slowly from side to side.



"Brian!  Talk to me!"



Justin had never asked Brian to cut back on his drinking and drugging, but since they had been back together, Brian had seemingly done so.  Not going to the clubs as much also helped. Justin couldn't imagine what would have made Brian resort to this drunken state once again.



Finally Brian responded.  "I've had the for shit day to top all for shit days!" he managed to get out.



"What happened?" Justin asked, moving over to sit beside Brian on the couch.



Brian took a big swig of Beam and leaned against Justin.  "Jack's dead," he muttered.



"I know, Brian.  Your father's been dead for months."


"No … no," Brian mumbled, "you don't understand."

"Then tell me what's wrong.  Why are you drinking like this?"



"Jack, one of my assistants, had a heart attack at work today.  He's dead."

"Oh, my God!"



"Right in front of me.  He died right in front of me."

"God, Brian!  That's terrible."



"I told him those fucking meetings would be the death of us…and he died."

"Brian, it's not your fault," Justin rubbed Brian's back as the man leaned against him.  He knew Brian's tendency to take responsibility for everything that happened around him. He thought Brian must be feeling like he had somehow caused this.



"He has a wife and a little girl about Gus' age.  They're all alone now. That could have been me. He's about the same age I am, maybe younger.  What would happen to Gus and you if I had a heart attack?"

"Brian, you're not going to have a heart attack.  You're fine, but you need to stop drinking."



"I'm not fine.  I can't do this.  Funerals and mourning and trying to help.  I wanted you this afternoon," Brian mumbled.



"Why didn't you call me?"



"You were working."



"I could have got Jane to cover."



"Didn't want you to see."

"Brian, we're supposed to share things, not just good things, but everything.  Come up to bed and lie down for awhile," Justin said. He helped Brian stand on wobbly legs. Together they stumbled up to the bedroom.  Justin helped Brian get out of his clothes and laid him down on the bed. He pulled the duvet over Brian, even though it was early summer.



"Stay with me," Brian asked, reaching for Justin's hand.



Justin stripped off his clothes and climbed in beside Brian.  He cradled the bigger man against him.



"I love you," Brian mumbled.



"I love you too," Justin declared.  He gently rocked his lover. After several minutes Brian's even breathing indicated that he was asleep.  Justin continued to rock him, not sure exactly what had set Brian off. He knew a death was difficult to deal with, but Justin suspected that Brian wouldn't have known this man very well.  He never talked about people from work like he knew any of them, except Cynthia. Justin continued to rock him, giving the man his unspoken support and love even in his sleep.



                                                              -----



When Justin awoke the next morning he was alone in bed.  "Brian!" Justin called, but he was sure the loft was empty.  They hadn't talked at all last night. After Brian fell asleep, Justin had got up and made himself a sandwich.  He had drawn for an hour or two before returning to bed. He had debated waking Brian and making him eat something, but he thought the man needed the sleep more.  He wasn't sure why Brian was so upset. Death was awful, but he hadn't shown this kind of reaction to his own father's death, at least not that he had been aware of.  When they had seen the boy in the dumpster, Brian had made some smart remark. He didn't seem to be upset at all. Justin wasn't sure what was going on with Brian, but they needed to talk about it.



Justin looked at the clock.  It was seven in the morning. He decided to try Brian's cell.  Brian answered almost immediately.



"Are you at work?" Justin asked.



"Yeah."



"What time did you leave?  I wanted to talk to you."

"Early."



"Brian, why won't you talk to me?"



"There's nothing to say."

"Of course there is.  Tell me what you're feeling.  Let me help you. Don't shut me out."

"Can we do this later?" Brian asked, rubbing his forehead.



"Yes, if you promise you will."

"All right, tonight."



Brian clicked off before Justin could ask him to do any other things he didn't want to do.



Justin sighed and got up.  He decided to draw for an hour before he got ready for work.  He could see Brian's tortured face clearly in his mind. Maybe drawing it would help to erase it from his brain.



                                                              -----



Justin rode the elevator up to the loft.  He wondered what awaited him on the other side of the door.  Would Brian be drunk again? Would he even be there? Would he talk to him?



It was after ten-thirty.  Justin had worked at the gallery till six and then done four hours at the diner.  He was very tired, but he knew Brian needed him, and he needed to find out what was going on with Brian.



Justin pushed back the door.  He didn't see Brian anywhere. "Brian?" he called.  There was no answer. Brian wasn't there. "Now what?" Justin wondered.



He debated trying Brian's cell phone, but decided that Brian would come back when he was ready.  Who knew what he might interrupt with his call? He shook his head. He decided he needed a shower to wash the grease and grime of the diner off his body.  Maybe Brian would be back by the time he was finished.



Justin had been drawing for two hours.  It was well after one a.m. and still no sign of Brian.  He yawned and weighed his options. He could go to bed and get the sleep he needed.  He could wait up for Brian and possibly get into a fight with him, depending on what state of chemical and psychological disarray Brian was in.  He could call him and risk his wrath at being interrupted. None of those appealed to Justin. He waited, not knowing what to do.



A little after two Justin heard the elevator.  He picked up his sketchbook and began to scribble, not wanting Brian to think he had deliberately waited up for him.  The loft door slid back and Brian walked in. He didn't look drunk, but he was probably high on something else.



"Hey," Justin said.



"Hey."



"Where have you been?" Justin risked asking.



"Babylon."

"It's pretty late."



"Didn't know I had a curfew."  Brian went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water.



"You don't, but I've been wondering if you were all right.  I thought we were going to talk."



"Nothing to say."



"There's always something to say."



"Talking's not all it's cracked up to be.  There are other ways of dealing with things."



"Like the backroom at Babylon?"

"Yeah.  I needed to get my dick sucked."



Justin felt like Brian had slapped him.  "I'm sure that was a fine solution to your problems!" he retorted.



"Just fine!  In fact there were several new faces … and mouths.  I made use of all of them."



Justin grimaced.  "I bet you did!"



"You'd win the bet."



"Brian, why didn't you talk to me?"



"You were working, Sunshine!" Brian replied with disdain.



Justin decided not to take that bait.  He knew Brian was itching for a fight. He didn't want to go down that road right now.  "I'm here now, Brian. Talk to me."

"Too late.  I've had my fill of talking for today."



"What does that mean?"



"The office was all abuzz with stories about what happened to Jack.  I tried to set some of them straight, but they didn't really want to hear it.  Then Mary called."

"Who's Mary?" Justin asked.  He had got Brian started. Maybe he could get him to really talk about what was eating at him.



"Jack's wife … widow," he corrected.



"What did she want?"



Brian grimaced and made a strange noise from the back of his throat.  "She wants me to speak at the funeral, say some fucking thing about her dead husband and his work at Vangard."

"That's an honor, Brian."  Justin tried to be positive.



"Some fucking honor!  I didn't know the man.  I didn't know his fucking last name until he was dead!  And she wants me to say nice words about him, pretend that I knew him."



Now Justin was starting to get it.  Brian was feeling guilty that he had never bothered to get to know this man before he had died.  Justin reached up for Brian's hand and pulled him around the couch to sit beside him. "You're going to do it, aren't you?"



"No!"



"Did you tell Mary that you wouldn't speak?"



"I tried to, but she said Jack respected me and had enjoyed working with me.  She didn't want anybody else."



"So you said you'd so it?"



"Yes … but I can't!"  A sob escaped Brian's lungs.



Justin pulled him against his chest and whispered, "It'll be all right.  You can do this. Mary is depending on you. Don't worry, Brian. I'll help you."

"Will you come to the funeral with me?"



"Of course!  When is it?"



"Day after tomorrow."



"I'll talk to Jane and get the time off.  I'll be there with you."


"What am I going to say at the funeral?  I hardly knew him."

"What did you know about him?"



"I told you … nothing!  I didn't even know his goddamn last name."



"Forget that.  Was he a good worker?"



"Yes."



"Did he get assignments done on time?"

"Yes."



"Was he reliable?"



"Yes."



"Did he have a sense of humor?"



"Kind of."

"See, there's all of those things you can say about him.  Be honest and speak about how short a time you had known him, but that he was a good worker and maybe give some examples of things that he had done with you."

Brian looked up at Justin and some of the hurt seemed to have receded from his eyes.  "You are so smart. I need you!" Brian declared, his hand reaching for Justin's crotch.  Justin understood that sex was a big part of Brian's pain management. He let the hand squeeze and rub.  Brian could get him hard in a few seconds.



Brian leaned into him and kissed him urgently.  "I need you!" he breathed.



"Didn't get your cock sucked enough at Babylon?"



"Nobody's as good as you."

"Damn right!  Come to bed and I'll show you how it should be done."



He took Brian's hand and they went up to the bedroom where Justin proceeded to work his magic on Brian's dick.  He loved Brian's cock when it was hard and red and engorged. It filled his mouth almost beyond capacity, but he had learned to handle it.  He was determined to worship Brian's cock tonight and suck all of the pain and sorrow out of him. He bobbed between Brian's legs, using every trick and maneuver he had learned in his few years of training as the best homosexual he could be.  When Brian finally came in his mouth, he sucked every drop from the swollen cock and licked the head. He heard Brian sigh in contentment.



"Good?" he asked.



"Unparalleled!"



Justin chuckled.  That wasn't the response he had expected, but he liked it.  "I'll be there with you, Brian. You can count on me."



"I know," Brian whispered against his throat.  He began licking and sucking and Justin knew his ass was going to get quite a workout before the night was over.



                                                               -----



The day of the funeral Justin returned to the loft at lunch time.  He had worked in the morning, but had taken the afternoon off to go to the funeral with Brian.  He wasn't looking forward to this, but then, who looked forward to a funeral? He arrived at the loft before Brian did.  Brian said Vance had told the whole company to take the afternoon to go to the funeral. Justin made them a salad for lunch.



When Brian arrived a while later, he had everything on the table.  They sat down to eat. Brian picked at his food.



"Have you decided what you're going to say?" Justin asked him.



"Sort of."

"You'll do fine," Justin reassured him.



Soon they had to get ready.  Brian changed to a different suit and Justin donned his slacks and blazer.  They left in lots of time.



When they walked into the funeral home, there was a line-up of people heading towards the casket.  They got in line too. As they neared the front, Justin gave Brian's hand a squeeze of encouragement.



"Brian," a man said.



"Simon," Brian replied.  "This is Justin, my partner."



"Oh?" Simon said, obviously surprised by the meaning of Brian's introduction.  He shook Justin's hand and introduced Sally, Mary's sister, who Brian had met fleetingly at the house.  They moved down the line to Mary who seemed to be holding it all together.



"Brian," she said, doing her best to smile.



Brian again introduced Justin and Mary shook his hand.  "Where's Emily?" Brian asked.



"In the family waiting room," Mary said, nodding her head towards an open door where an older couple sat with the little girl between them.  "That's Jack's parents. They arrived yesterday from Arizona."



"Are you holding up?" Brian asked.



Mary smiled at him again.  "I think I'll be all right.  Thank you for agreeing to speak today.  I didn't know anyone else from the company."



Brian nodded and moved away for the next person in line to take his place.  He stopped for a look in the casket and shook his head. Justin slipped his hand into Brian's and they moved out into the chapel of the funeral home.  Cynthia was sitting in the second row and they slid in beside her. She looked tired and sad.



"I wish we weren't doing this," she whispered.



"Me too," Brian replied.



Soon the service began.  A minister from the church that Jack and Mary attended said his piece.  Apparently they attended church, but hadn't yet had time to really become part of that community.  Next Mary's sister, Sally, said a few words about Jack and his family. He and Mary had been married for five years and had only bought the house in Pittsburgh two months ago when Jack seemed secure in his new job with Vangard.  She mentioned Jack's parents and Emily. He apparently had no brothers or sisters. She then thanked Cynthia for administering CPR after Jack's attack. Brian squeezed Cynthia's arm as he saw tears welling up.



"I wish it had done some good," she whispered.



Sally then said that Mary had asked her to make special mention of Brian Kinney who had stayed with her and been so helpful right after Jack's heart attack.  She then invited Brian to say a few words on behalf of Vangard.



Brian stood up and Justin squeezed his wrist as he stepped out of their row.  Brian walked to the front of the chapel and raised the height of the microphone.  He cleared his throat and began.



"I didn't know Jack Simpson very long or very well.  We have worked together since shortly after Gardner Vance took over the company.  I wish I had gotten to know him better, but then I'm not the friendliest person you'll ever meet."



There were a few chuckles from the strong contingent of Vangard people who were assembled there.



"I have met Mary and Emily since Jack died, and I'm sorry to see that their little family will be without its father and husband.  Jack was a good worker, always reliable and conscientious. I can't think of one thing that I asked him to do that he didn't complete promptly and efficiently.  Well, actually there was one thing he didn't do. One day when everything was going horribly wrong, I told him to go take a long walk off a short pier. He told me if I could give him directions to a suitable short pier, he'd be only too happy to do so, and he'd be even happier if I came with him."



There were more chuckles from the Vangard people.



"Obviously neither one of us took that walk, but we did have a laugh about it.  Every now and then he'd ask me if I had found that pier yet. On behalf of the people of Vangard I would like to express my condolences to Mary and Emily and Jack's parents."



Brian returned to his seat next to Justin.  "You did good," Justin whispered.



Brian smiled at him.  "I just did what you told me."

Another prayer and a hymn and the funeral was over.  Jack was to be cremated and they wheeled the casket away.  Everyone was invited for light refreshments in the lower level of the funeral home.  Brian, Cynthia and Justin made their way down. Several people, including Gardner Vance, stopped Brian and told him what a nice job he had done with his speech.



There was another little reception line.  Brian approached Mary who held Emily's hand.



"Mary," he said, "I wanted you to meet Cynthia.  She's the one who tried to help Jack."



"Oh yes," Mary replied, "I wanted to thank you personally.  Brian told me what you tried to do."



"I'm sorry the results weren't better," Cynthia said.



"Emily, do you remember Brian?" Mary asked her daughter.



"Yes," Emily said and smiled at Brian.



"She's a bit overwhelmed with so many strange faces," Mary said.



Brian squatted down and said, "Hi, Emily."



"Hi," she replied, and wrapped her arms around his neck.  He stood up picking her up with him. She laid her head on his shoulder.



"You're recruiting them awfully young for your fan club," Justin whispered as Brian handed Emily back to her mother.



Brian smiled.  Justin was glad to see that.  He hoped Brian would start to feel better once the funeral was over.  They made small talk with Cynthia, and Brian introduced Justin to some of his co-workers at Vangard.  Soon it was time to leave. They waved to Mary and Emily and took off.



Once in the Jeep Brian let out a long breath.  "I hope I never have to do that again," he sighed.



"You did just fine," Justin told him and gave him a kiss.  "Let's go back to the loft and have a little afternoon delight."



"I like your thinking, young man.  I can't think of a better way to celebrate being alive."

Death and Life

The week after the funeral Brian was very quiet.  Justin wasn't sure what he could do about it, but he didn't like the remoteness.  After the funeral they had gone back to the loft and Brian had fucked him senseless.  They had spent the rest of the day in bed, getting up only long enough to have take-out.  Justin had hoped that Brian was fucking out any remaining worries and misgivings he had about how he had treated Jack.  He had complimented Brian on his speech at the funeral and so had many other people. Yet Brian seemed restless and unsettled.



Justin decided that they were going to have to talk about it.  He didn't like the way Brian was closed off from him. There was something else that was at work and he had to find out what it was.



He was making a special dinner for them when Brian arrived home from work.  His plan was to ply Brian with food and wine, soften him up and then get him to talk about whatever was bothering him.



They ate mostly in silence.  Brian said he liked the food, but he had much more wine than chicken.  Justin cleared the dishes and then asked Brian to bring his wine over to the couch.



"You need to talk to me," he stated.



"About what?" Brian asked.



"Whatever's eating at you."



"What makes you think something's eating at me?"



"Oh, little things, like how quiet you've been, how you answer me in monosyllables, how many times you fuck me every night."



"How many times I fuck you?"



"Quite often the number is proportional to how worried or depressed you are."



"You're kidding?"



"No, I'm not."



Brian shook his head.  What a way to let his true emotions be revealed!  "So you think your sore ass means that something is wrong?"



Justin nodded.  "I'm sure of it, especially since this has been going on ever since the funeral."

Brian stared at him.  Most of the time he was glad that Justin was in tune with his moods and the vagaries of his emotions, but sometimes he didn't want to discuss things and this was one of them.  "I don't want to talk about it," he stated firmly.



"So there is an 'it'."



"Yes," Brian sighed, "but I don't want to do this."

"Why not?  We agreed to be honest with each other.  I know something's wrong. Maybe I can help."



"You can't help.  No one can help!"



"Brian?"



"Fuck!  I always thought Deb was the bulldog, but she has nothing on you!"



"So tell me, and save us both this aggravation."



"Do you know how old Jack was?"



"Jack, the guy who died?  No."



"Thirty.  He was younger than me."



"So?"



"So why him and not me?  He was a family man, went to church, lived a clean life.  I screw around, do drugs and alcohol. Why not me?"

"I can't answer that, Brian.  No one can. It's just something that happens."

"But it's not fair.  That poor little girl!"  


"Since when do you believe in the fairness of the world?"

"I don't."

"Then why are you worrying about why Jack died and not you?"

"I just am.  It's not right that he's dead."

"No, it's not right, but it is beyond even your control.  Worrying about it isn't going to help Mary and Emily, and it's going to make you sick."



"I can't help it."



"You can, but you have to want to."



"You are so smart sometimes…," Brian said.



Justin thought for a split second that he had gotten through to his lover and somehow made him realize the folly of dwelling on Jack's death.



"But this isn't one of them!  You don't know shit about this!  You're just a fucking babe in arms.  Wait till your contemporaries start to die and see how you feel!"



"Brian…?" Justin began, but he didn't know what else to say.  It had been quite a while since Brian had attacked him like that.



"I told you that I didn't want to talk about this, but you couldn't let it rest.  I hope you're happy now! We can both be miserable."



Brian grabbed his keys and slammed out of the loft.  He heard Justin call his name, but he ignored it. He needed to be alone, to think.



Justin watched Brian storm out and shook his head in disbelief.  He thought they had gotten beyond that behavior, but apparently not.  He debated running after Brian, but he knew that it would probably make matters worse when Brian was in this frame of mind.

He would be itching for a fight, and that was the last thing Justin wanted right now.



                                                               -----



Brian went down to the Jeep.  He peeled away from the loft wanting to put some distance between himself and Justin.  Sometimes Justin just didn't get it. He still believed that the world could be fixed. There were some things that could not be fixed.  All that shit about talking. He'd had it up to here with talking.



He drove for awhile, not paying attention to where he was or where he was going.  Suddenly he stopped at a red light and looked around. He realized that he was very near the house where Mary and Jack lived … had lived.  He wondered if that was an omen telling him what to do. He knew he had not consciously chosen this destination, but maybe something was telling him he needed to go there.



He rounded the corner that would take him into the subdivision where the house was.  He turned onto their street wondering what the fuck he was doing there. As he approached the house, he saw a few lights on and a for sale sign on the front lawn.  He stopped the Jeep in front of the house.



"Now what?" he asked himself.



He sat staring at the house for a few minutes, unsure if he should get out or just drive away.



Suddenly the front door opened, and Mary called, "Brian!"



He looked up at her and she motioned for him to come in.  Fate had decided for him. He got slowly out of the car and walked up to her.  She waited at the front door for him to get there.



"Brian," she said with a smile, "I'm so glad to see you again."

"Thanks," he replied.



"Can you come in for a few minutes?"



"I…I guess so."



"Good."

She got them seated on the sofa and offered Brian some coffee.  She said she had just made a pot for herself. He accepted, buying some time to figure out what he wanted to say to her.



She returned with two mugs of coffee and he loaded his with sugar.  He saw her grinning at him. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked, not understanding the look.



"Not at all!  My grandmother used to say that people who took a lot of sugar in their tea or coffee were replenishing all the sweetness they gave to the world."



Brian snorted.  "She obviously didn't know anyone like me."



"Why do you say that?"



"I'm probably the least sweet person you will ever meet."

"That is not true.  You were very sweet to me that horrible day.  I couldn't have got through it without you, and you said some sweet things about Jack at the funeral."

Brian looked at her, not responding.  He was thinking about how many times Justin told him he was sweet, maybe not as many times as there should be, but Brian always told him to keep that a secret so as not to ruin his reputation as a heartless asshole.  Here was a complete stranger telling him the same thing. He shook his head.



"You don't believe me?" she asked.



"That's certainly not my reputation."

"Sometimes reputations can be deceiving.  Jack used to tell me how you brooked no nonsense or stupidity at work.  He said you could cut the legs out from under some idiot in a second. He said sometimes you were rather … cruel, but he respected your intelligence and understood why you were annoyed."



"He did?"



"Yes, and he told me that you never spoke to him that way."



"He was always on top of things, never shirked his responsibilities."



"He thought a lot of you.  He often said he hoped he could be as good an exec as you were," Mary said with a little catch in her voice.  They both knew that Jack would never get to make that advancement in his career.



Brian decided they needed to turn the conversation away from him.  That wasn't why he was there. Trouble was he didn't know why he had come there.  "How are you doing?" he asked softly.



"About as well as can be expected," she replied with a sigh.



"I saw the for sale sign on the lawn."



"I decided to sell the house and go back to Cleveland.  My sister and her husband are there. We lived there before Jack got the job with Vangard.  I have friends there, and I'll start looking for a job. My sister has two kids, one Emily's age and one a little older.  She'll be able to baby-sit Emily when I go back to work."



"Are you all right financially?  I hope you don't mind me asking."



"Jack had a healthy life insurance policy through Vangard.  We lived pretty frugally, so I don't have much debt to take care of, just the house."

"That's good.  How's Emily doing?"



"She doesn't really understand what's happened.  Every once in a while she asks me where Daddy is and it just about breaks my heart.  I've told her he's in Heaven, but that doesn't mean much to her. She knows he should be here with us and he isn't."

"It must be hard."



"It is, but they always say it gets easier with time.  That's what I'm hoping."



"Did you know that I'm a bit older than Jack was?" Brian asked suddenly.



"No, I didn't, but I thought you were about the same age."



"I have a son about the same age as Emily."  He didn't know why he was telling her this, but he felt he needed to.



"I thought you were gay?"



"I am."  He shook his head.  "It always confuses people.  I was a sperm donor for a friend of mine.  Gus, my son, lives with his mother and her partner."

"Oh?" Mary said.  "You're lucky to have a son.  Emily was the apple of her Daddy's eye."



"I think that's why I came here tonight … because of Gus."



"Why?"



"I keep thinking about how Emily has no father and wondering why it was Jack.  It could just as easily have been me. Then Gus would have grown up never really knowing his father."



"I'll make sure Emily knows about her father.  I don't know what the future holds, but maybe I'll remarry and find a fine man like you to be Emily's stepfather.  I'll never let her forget Jack though."



Brian listened to all this.  She thought he was a fine man, that someone like him would make a good father to Emily.  He wished that were true.



"Brian," she said softly, "it wasn't your fault.  No one could predict or prevent what happened. The best thing we can do is go on and live the best lives we can."



"I guess that's true."  He stared at her for a moment.  "I better get going," he said standing.



She walked him to the door.  He turned back to say goodbye, and she hugged him tightly for several seconds.  "Thanks for everything, Brian. Don't worry about us and don't feel guilty that it was Jack instead of you.  Have a good, happy life," she whispered in his ear.



"You too," he replied and walked out the door.



                                                              -----



Justin threw down his sketchbook.  He had drawn for a long time and his hand was starting to cramp.  He had watched TV, listened to CD's and then drawn two useless sketches since Brian had left the loft.  The man had been gone for over three hours.



Justin sighed.  Sometimes this relationship shit was for the birds.  He had tried his best to help Brian, to communicate, and all that had got him was yelled at and left sitting in Brian's dust.



"Fuck this!" he muttered.



He went up to the bedroom and debated getting dressed and going to Babylon.  He thought he would probably find Brian there, in the backroom, of course.



Why did life have to be such shit?  Why couldn't they have a month of happiness instead of a day here and there?  It was so tiring all the time to try to figure out what was going on with Brian and why he did the self-destructive things he did.  And then Brian would refuse to talk about it like tonight. All of his best intentions about not letting Brian get away with non-communication, about having an open and honest relationship, went down the toilet when Brian got like this.  It was out of his hands. Brian had all the control, like he always did, like he demanded.



Justin threw himself down on the bed.  What more could he do? He needed to talk to someone with a sympathetic ear.  He reached for the phone and hit a number.



"Please be there," he whispered.



"Hello?"

"Hi, Daph," he said cheerfully.



"What did he do this time?" she asked.



"What makes you think he did anything?"



"When you call me after eleven, that means you're not fucking, so something is wrong, which means Brian has done something.  Am I right?"



"Yes," he said reluctantly.



"So spill!"



"Brian stormed out of here hours ago.  We had a fight and he hasn't come back."

"What was the fight about?"



"That's the weird part.  I'm not exactly sure."

"What do you mean?"

"It's kind of a long story.  Do you have time?"

"What else does a gorgeous young thing like me have to do but sit around and listen to your relationship problems when I have no relationship of my own?"



"What happened to Kurt?"

"Gone.  We weren't right for each other."



"I'm sorry."



"I'm not.  He was a jerk, the more I got to know him."

"That's too bad."



"Enough about Kurt.  Tell me what happened with Brian."



Justin proceeded to tell her about Jack and the funeral and how withdrawn Brian had become.  He told her about trying to get Brian to talk and how he had yelled at him before he left. When he was done, he expected Daphne to shower him with sympathy.



"So what did you expect?" Daphne asked.



"What do you mean?"



"A funeral can be a major life issue.  You said the man died right in front of Brian and he was about the same age.  That's like seeing yourself die, facing your own mortality. Most people face it when their last parent dies, but Brian is doing that now."



"Is this your best Psych 101 opinion?" Justin asked sarcastically.



"I'll have you know that I'm doing second and third year psych courses now!" she declared.  "I don't appreciate you belittling my opinions. I thought you wanted my help."

"I do.  I'm sorry," he conceded.



"Well, cut him some slack.  He's going through something really serious."



"Okay, okay!" Justin gave in.  "But he won't talk to me. Just like he always does, he walked out."



"Justin, I don't want to be mean, but sometimes you don't know when to give it a rest.  You want to fix everything, even when it can't be fixed. You may need to back off and let Brian work through this himself."



"Christ, that's what Brian told me.  You think this is my fault?" Justin couldn't believe his ears.



"I didn't say that.  It's not anyone's fault.  I'm just telling you that Brian has to work through it and there's nothing you can say that will make it better.  He has to come to terms with it himself."

"So what should I do?"


"Be there and let him know that you love him.  Tell him that you're ready to listen when he wants to talk, but don't bug him about it."



"But he's so quiet and … sad.  I hate it."



"Those may be his feelings, so let him feel them.  It's about him, not you."

"Shit, Daph!  I've been going about this all wrong."



"No, you haven't.  You were right to try to get him to talk, but if he doesn't want to, then let him be."



"How long do you think this will go on?"



"I have no idea.  It'll go on until he's ready to come out of his funk."

"I don't know if I can stand it."

"You wanted this relationship.  Are you prepared to stand by him through this?"

"I'll try."

"Good."

"Thanks, I think."



"What do you mean, you think?  I'm giving you excellent advice here."

"It isn't what I expected or wanted to hear."



"Tough!  It's what you need to hear."



"I know you're right.  I hope I can do it, that's all."

"You can do it.  Be patient."

"Thanks, Daph."


Justin hung up.  She had given him a lot to think about.  He knew she was right about most of what she had told him.  He always thought he was the mature one in this relationship, but sometimes that sure wasn't much fun.



                                                              -----



Brian had driven around for a long time after speaking with Mary.  He couldn't quite decide what to do. He had thought about going to Woody's or Babylon.  Getting his dick sucked in the backroom wouldn't be a bad thing. The only trouble was he didn't really want to do that.  Mary had given him a taste of hope, a feeling that he wasn't a useless dickhead, a tiny sliver of belief in himself and his life.  Maybe he was supposed to live. Maybe he wasn't such a bad worthless person. Justin loved him.



"Shit!"  He had treated Justin like crap, and all the boy had done was try to talk to him.  What was the matter with him? Why did he feel like shit all the time?



He should go home and try to set things straight, but he couldn't.  So many things the last few days seemed to be beyond his ability.



He noticed a bar as he drove down the street.  A drink was what he needed. He slid the Jeep into the first parking spot he saw and walked back to the bar.  It was kind of a seedy, rundown place, but liquor was liquor, and that was what he wanted.



He ordered a double Beam and downed it in a couple of gulps.  The bartender refilled his glass immediately. This would be easy.  He took it a little slower with this glass. The bartender seemed to be studying him.



"You okay, buddy?" he asked Brian.



"Peachy!" Brian replied.



The bartender chuckled.  "Tossing them back pretty fast, aren't you?"



"What do you care, as long as I pay for them?"

"No skin off my nose!  I just wondered if you wanted to talk."

"That's why I'm here, to avoid talking."

"Oh, the little woman busting your balls about something?"



"Something like that."



"They're all the same.  Want to tell you what to do and how to do it."



Brian looked at him.  He really didn't want to be having this conversation.  This idiot thought he was straight and wanted to commiserate about nagging wives.  How did he get himself into these things?



"I should go home," Brian said standing up and tossing some money on the bar.



"Good luck," the barkeep called after him.



He walked back to the Jeep and sat behind the wheel.  He didn't know what to do or where to go. He wanted to go home and have Justin hold him and tell him he loved him, but he had been so miserable to him.  He thought they would probably just fight as soon as he opened his mouth. Justin would be pissed that he had walked out on him again.



Why did he keep making the same mistakes over and over again?  When would he ever get it right?



He leaned his forehead on the steering wheel.  After a few minutes he saw a tear drop onto his jeans and he realized that he was crying.  What was wrong with him? He needed to go home. He needed Justin. He'd try not to fight. He wanted to hold his boy and kiss him and make love with him and celebrate that they were both alive.



He turned the key in the ignition and pointed the Jeep toward the loft.



                                                               -----



Justin had laid on the bed for a long time after he talked to Daphne.  He thought about what she had said to him. He saw the truth in her words.  Brian had made real strides in talking to him about almost everything. He knew how hard that was for him.  He should be grateful that the man had made the effort, but he was never satisfied. He had pushed too hard once again.



He sighed and started removing his clothes.  He crawled under the sheets and lay staring up at the ceiling.  He heard the steel door slide shut and knew Brian had come back.  He didn't hear any further noise, so that meant Brian didn't have a trick with him and he wasn't drunk or wasted enough to be bumping into things.



The refrigerator door opened and shut.  He saw the light through the frosted glass panels.  He waited.



Brian came up the steps drinking his water.  "Are you asleep?" he asked, clearly able to see that Justin was looking at him.



"No."



Brian began removing his clothes and Justin watched him in silence.  Brian slipped under the covers and lay looking at the ceiling, just like Justin had been doing.  Justin wanted to ask him where he had been, but he bit his tongue and waited. He had vowed to himself that he wouldn't push.  He didn't want a fight.



"Aren't you going to start with the questions?" Brian asked with a sigh.



Justin shook his head.



"How come?" Brian asked.



"I think I've bugged you enough for one night."

"You do?"



Justin nodded again.



"I'm sorry I walked out on you again."



Justin waited.  He didn't say anything.



"I try not to do that, but I needed to be alone.  I couldn't talk about it any more."



"I understand," Justin conceded.



"You do?"



Justin nodded.



"How come you're not reaming me out?"

"I don't want to.  I love you."

Justin found himself crushed to Brian's chest.  The man's strong arms had wrapped around him and Brian's face was buried in his neck.  He could feel silent sobs escaping Brian's body, so he just held on and waited for them to pass.



After a few minutes he felt Brian quiet and lessen his grip on him.  Brian ran his hand along Justin's back and then his mouth covered his lover's, kissing him gently and longingly.



Justin felt Brian wipe his eyes.  The man sighed, but still held him close.



"Are you all right?" Justin had to ask.



"I think so.  I'm better than when I left here."

"Where did you go?"



"I drove around for a long time.  Then I found myself at Mary's."

"Mary's?"  Justin was surprised.  He was sure Brian would have resorted to his usual tactics, drinking and fucking.



"I needed to see how they were doing."

"Are they all right?"



"As all right as anyone can be in the circumstances."

"That's good."

"She told me that the best thing any of us could do for Jack was to have a good, happy life."



"She did?"



Brian nodded.  "She's a lovely lady.  She said she'd never let Emily forget her daddy."


"That's good."

"Would you forget me if I died?"



"Oh Brian, of course not.  And I wouldn't let Gus forget you either.  None of us would."



"Good."



Justin ran his hand over Brian's back, trying to comfort him and let him know that everything would be all right.



"How come you're being so nice to me?  I thought you'd yell at me for leaving.  I deserve it."



"No you don't.  I talked to Daph and she set me straight."

"Daphne?  What did she say?"

"She's taking all these psych courses, so she knows everything!"  He made a face and got a little chuckle out of Brian. "She said I should cut you some slack, that you had some things to work through.  She said you were facing your own mortality."



"Is that right?"  Brian looked thoughtful.  "I think maybe that's true," he said finally, "only I couldn't have told you that was what I was doing.  I was just depressed and sad."

"She said you'd have to work it through yourself and I should back off."



"I knew I liked that girl!"



"Are you feeling better?"



"Some.  I discovered tonight, after I talked to Mary, that the only place I wanted to be was right here, holding you in my arms."



"I'll always be here for you.  Never doubt that."

"I'm sorry I make it hard for you sometimes."



"That's the way it goes.  I've made life difficult for you lots of times."



"You think?" Brian asked tongue in cheek.



Justin swatted him playfully.  That Brian was joking even a little bit was a promising sign.  "Are you going to fuck me?" Justin asked.



"Want me to?"



"Always."



Brian squeezed Justin tighter to his body and started kissing him everywhere.  Justin returned the favor until they were both gasping and hard and ready.



"I love you," Justin whispered.



"I love you too."



"Show me."



Brian grabbed a condom and the lube.  He tenderly opened Justin up and prepared him for his cock.  Justin thought about telling him to hurry up, but he sensed that Brian needed to do this slowly, cherishing each moment.  Once Brian was inside he rode him hard and their orgasms ripped through them at the end.



Brian pulled the sheet back over them and cradled Justin against his body.  He sighed in satisfaction. They were so good together.



"Tired?" Justin asked.



"Umm," Brian replied sleepily.



"I guess my quota of sex is going to be way down now that you're feeling better," Justin teased.



"I wouldn't be too sure," Brian replied, giving Justin's cock a tug and feeling it swell under his fingers.



"Oh?" Justin asked.



"I plan to live life to the fullest and enjoy every minute, starting now!"



Justin knew his ass was going to be plenty busy after all.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Brian leaned back in his chair in his office.  He had a meeting in fifteen minutes. He had thought he had a lot of meetings before, but since he made partner, the fucking meetings had increased threefold.  He had so much more to do that he barely had time for his old clients. He liked designing new campaigns, and having less and less time to do that bothered him.  He still wanted control over his accounts, even though he had learned to delegate, somewhat. He did have good people working under him, Cynthia and Kevin especially.



He needed to hire someone to replace Jack, but he had been putting that off.  He hated the idea of Jack being dead, and replacing him meant that he was well and truly gone, forever.  Jack's death had shaken him. He had been sad and depressed for days. Finally, after he had talked to Jack's wife and she had given him some good advice and a smidgen of her positive attitude, he had started to feel more like himself.



"Brian, you have a call on line two," Cynthia's voice interrupted his musings.



"Who is it?"



"Trip Bedford."



"Fuck!"



"I could tell him you just stepped out," she offered.



Brian was tempted to let her do that.  "I'll take it," he replied sucking in a deep breath.



"Trip?" Bran said, as he connected with this man who was so tantalizing to him.



"Hey, Brian!" Trip said enthusiastically.  "Haven't talked to you in ages."

"Not since that ill-fated kiss," Brian thought.  "How are you and your father?" he asked aloud, trying to keep the conversation aloof and businesslike.



"Kicking along like we always do.  I'm coming to Pittsburgh in a couple of days to see what you've done with the new chair campaign.  Hoped we could get together."



"We're a little behind with the campaign.  One of my assistants died suddenly a couple of weeks ago."



"No shit!  That's too bad."



"Yeah, he was a nice guy and a good worker.  Anyway, we're a little behind," Brian said, hoping this news would keep Trip away for a while longer.



"Do you have anything to show me?  I have to come to Pittsburgh anyway on some other business.  I just thought I'd check in with you."



"We have some rough ideas, but nothing polished."



"That'll be fine.  I want to get a feel of where we're going with this."



"Sure," Brian replied with his usual non-committal word.



"Great!  I'll see you Friday."



"Sure."

Now he had another thing to worry about.  He would have to tell Justin that Trip was coming.  Keeping that bombshell to himself would just be asking for trouble.  Fuck, life was never easy.



He gathered up his latest papers for the meeting that would be starting momentarily.  He hoped this meeting didn't kill anyone like the meeting that had finished off Jack. Although, it would make life a lot simpler if it offed him.  He shook his head. Only problem he wouldn't have a life if that happened, and he wouldn't have Justin. He left his office hoping this meeting didn't give him too colossal a headache.



                                                                -----



Justin was late getting home from the gallery, so they had take-out.  They had eaten mostly in silence with Justin trying to start a conversation now and then, but Brian refusing to be drawn in.



"What's going on, Brian?" Justin had to ask as they cleared away their dishes and the remnants of their food.



"I have something to tell you."

"Oh?"  Justin tried to be nonchalant.  When Brian said he had something to tell him, it usually meant something bad, at the very least something he wouldn't like.



"Trip Bedford is coming to town on Friday."

"Oh?"



"I'll have to meet with him and probably entertain him."



"Can you handle it?"



"Of course I can, you little twat!  Can you?" Brian challenged, really asking if Justin was going to be jealous and make his life a misery until Trip left town.



"I'm fine.  You've told me that you won't let anything happen between you two, and I believe you."



"Good!"



"Why are you telling me this anyway?"

"I don't want any secrets between us.  I want you to know that I'm seeing Trip.  I don't want it to be like I'm doing something behind your back," Brian said seriously.


Justin smiled at him, that wonderful smile that warmed his heart and spread through his body.  It also went straight to his cock.



He shifted around trying to ease the pinch of his jeans.  He had something else to broach with the young man before he fucked his brains out.  "I was wondering what you thought about inviting Trip here for dinner Friday night."



"What?  Are you serious?"  Justin couldn't believe his ears.



"Yes, I am.  Trip wanted to meet you in New York, remember.  His father was gracious enough to ask me to stay in their home when I was in Indianapolis, so I'd kind of like to return the favor."



"You don't want him to sleep over too, do you?" Justin asked sarcastically.



"Hmm, there's a thought," Brian joked.  The look on Justin's face told him to drop that idea, even as a joke.  "I'm kidding!"



"You fucking better be!" Justin retorted with no good humor whatsoever.



Brian decided to be serious.  "I thought if Trip saw us together, how we are, he'd realize that there is no hope and truly back off."



"Did something else happen that you haven't told me about?"



"No, just that kiss, but both of us know that we are attracted to each other.  I just want him to see that I'm with you."



Justin stared at him, apparently sizing up the situation and gauging the truth of Brian's words.  There was no sunshine smile when he said, "Dinner it is!"



"You mean it?"



"I said it, didn't I?"



"I think it will be for the best," Brian said, moving closer and hugging Justin.  His hand found Justin's crotch and squeezed. "I want you," he whispered in the boy's ear.



"Later," Justin replied.  "I have to decide what the fuck to serve this man I've never met who wants to go to bed with my lover.  How about chicken penne spiced with a little arsenic?"



"Justin!"


"To quote you, 'I'm kidding'."



"Good.  You had me worried there for a minute.  Come to bed, please," Brian asked, trying to pout the way Justin did sometimes.



Justin burst out laughing at the look, but it was the 'please' that really got him.  "My work is never done," Justin said with an exaggerated sigh.



"What do you mean?"



"Now I have to fuck Trip Bedford out of your head once again.  You really are high maintenance, you know," he joked.



"But I'm worth it!"



"You certainly are!"



Justin wrapped himself around Brian's body, as only he could.  He pressed all the places that Brian loved, and kissed the man deeply.  He felt Brian's stiff cock jump against his thigh and he knew he had him where he wanted him, filled with desire for only him.



Justin dropped to his knees and began unbuttoning Brian's jeans.  He pushed them down and saw Brian's cock tent out his jock. He smiled up at Brian whose eyes were cloudy with lust.  He released the throbbing dick from its confinement. His tongue licked the slit tasting the first bit of precum. He heard Brian groan in satisfaction.  His lips encircled the cap, sucking and pulling slightly. He felt Brian push forward into his mouth wanting him to take more. He was happy to oblige. He sucked Brian's long, thick cock down his throat and buried his face in the man's pubes.  He breathed deeply absorbing the smell of his lover. He snorted into the soft hair and felt Brian shiver. His lips began their work, up and down the shaft, his head bobbing in front of Brian. Sometimes he wondered why Brian liked his blowjobs so much.  The man must have had thousands of them, most of them from men much more experienced than he was. He twisted his head around and back as his lips continued to move up and down the shaft. His hand cupped Brian's balls and squeezed gently.



Brian moaned.  Of all the thousands of blowjobs that he had had, none could match Justin's.  His mouth was so soft and his lips were so full and yet firm. He knew all the things that drove Brian crazy.  He had gradually built his arsenal from months of practice, but he had been good, oh so good, right from the first time.  Brian felt Justin squeeze his sac and almost came. He fought it, not wanting it to be over yet. The other thing that Justin did was to fuck him with such guilelessness.  Justin had learned all the tricks, but his blowjobs were never calculated, no two ever the same. There was always something unexpected or new and Brian loved that. Justin was ever the creative genius.



Suddenly Justin stopped and stood up.  Brian snapped back from the edge of his orgasm and looked at the young man.  "What?" he asked.



Justin's hand sought Brian's dick and stroked.  His lips locked onto Brian's. Brian opened his mouth to give Justin access.  As he pressed in, Brian could taste himself on Justin's tongue. He moaned into Justin's mouth.  The boy dropped down to his knees and sucked his rod with increased vigor. Brian felt Justin grasp his balls and give a strong tug on the tip of his cock.  His balls rose up and as Justin deep throated him again, he felt his orgasm build and explode into the boy's mouth. He came and came and came. Justin swallowed it all, milking him dry.



"Jesus, Justin, you leave me weak in the knees," Brian managed to whisper, clinging to his young lover for support.



"Come to bed, old man!  We have much more to do."



Brian allowed himself to be led up to the bedroom, knowing his pleasure had just begun.



                                                               -----



Friday morning Justin made sure Brian received another excellent sexual adventure in the shower before he allowed his man to go off to work and spend the day with one Trip Bedford.  He was taking all the precautions he could to make sure that Brian appreciated what they had and what he wouldn't get from Trip.



Brian was a little worried about facing Trip.  They had not spoken since the kiss in Indianapolis.  Brian wasn't sure how things stood. He had told Trip to leave after the kiss and the next morning Trip had sent notice that he was too hung over to come down to breakfast.  Brian had left the city without a face to face meeting with the man. Trip had sounded fine on the phone, his usual cheerful self. Maybe he had been able to put the whole thing out of his mind.  Brian had tried his best to do the same, and mostly he had forgotten about it until Trip's phone call.



"Morning, Boss," Cynthia greeted him as he arrived at the office.



Brian grinned at her.



"Somebody's been having a good day already," she said with a smirk.



"Fabulous!"



Cynthia chuckled.  Brian was so transparent sometimes, usually in things to do with Justin.  That kid sure knew how to make her boss happy. Cynthia's face sobered. "He'll be here at one.  Do you want to take him to lunch?"

They both knew who she was talking about.  Brian let out a breath. He wouldn't have to deal with Trip till this afternoon.  "He's meeting one of his suppliers this morning. There was an e-mail when I got here this morning."  Cynthia always knew how to answer his questions, often like now, before he even asked them.



Brian had a lot of work to do and the morning actually flew by with only a few thoughts about Trip's impending appearance.  Cynthia buzzed him just before one and he knew the man had arrived. Brian walked out of his office to greet Trip in the reception area.  He thought that would be better then meeting him alone in his office. He wanted to get the lay of the land on more neutral turf. Cynthia had made reservations for them at the restaurant across the street.



"Trip," Brian said extending his hand.  He hoped he wouldn't, but he still felt that electric attraction as soon as their hands touched.



"Brian," Trip replied, a little catch in his voice, but the warmth very obvious.



"Are you hungry?"



"As a horse."



"And hung like one too, I bet," Brian thought.  He quickly pushed that unwanted thought away. Brian cleared his throat.  "Cynthia made us reservations for the restaurant across the street. I can fill you in on what we're doing with your chair while we eat."



Brian led them to the elevator and down to the street.  They crossed the road and went into the restaurant. Trip ordered a martini and Brian decided to join him.  Gin wasn't his favorite drink but all liquor did pretty much the same thing. A few sips of the drink gave him the courage to say, "Justin and I would like you to come to dinner at our home tonight."



Trip gave Brian a look, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing, but without his eyes getting too wide.  "That's very nice of you, but not necessary."

"Yes, it is necessary," Brian responded.  "You wanted to meet Justin in New York and we missed you.  I'd like to thank you for having me stay at your home in Indianapolis.  So just come. Besides Justin is an excellent cook."



"He cooks too?" Trip asked a grin on his face.



Brian felt himself blushing and quickly downed the rest of his martini.  Trip signaled the waiter for two more.



"We could have salad for lunch and save some space for Justin's dinner," Brian suggested.



"Fine by me."


They talked a bit about the chair campaign, ate their salads at a leisurely pace and ordered coffee for dessert.



Over the coffee, Trip asked, "Are you sure you want me to come tonight?"



"Why would I ask you if I didn't want you … there?" Brian added, hoping Trip didn't hear that hesitation and all it implied.



"I don't know.  It might be a little awkward."

"Why?"

"We do have an attraction to each other," Trip said simply.  "We did kiss."

"I told you that the kiss should never have happened.  We were drunk. I've told Justin about it and you don't need to worry that he's going to poison your food."  Brian was immediately sorry he had said that, remembering Justin's crack about penne with arsenic. He prayed they weren't having penne for dinner.



"I didn't think about poison," Trip laughed.  "Does Justin want this dinner?"

"I suggested it, but he agreed."

"Okay then, I'll be there.  I need to go to my hotel and make some calls.  I have some loose ends to tie up. The promos for the new chair sound like what we're looking for, so go ahead with it.  I'll see the finished product the next time I'm in Pittsburgh."



Brian signed for lunch and they walked out to the street.  Trip flagged a cab, promising to be at the address Brian had given him by seven.



"I hope this isn't a bad idea," Brian muttered to himself as he crossed the street to go back to his office.



                                                                -----



Brian arrived at the loft at six-thirty.  He had scrambled around to finish some things and get home before Trip got there.  The last thing he wanted was Trip and Justin alone together. He shuddered at the thought.



When Brian shoved the door back, he could see Justin sitting on the couch apparently drawing.



"Shouldn't you be cooking?" he asked.



"Hello to you too!" Justin retorted.



Brian dropped his briefcase at the desk.  Now that he was in the loft he could smell something quite mouthwatering emanating from the oven.  "Can I help you do anything?" Brian asked.



Justin looked up from his sketch.  "You really are worried about this dinner, aren't you?"



"Why do you say that?" Brian asked as nonchalantly as he could.



"You offering to help in the kitchen means either you're worried or else it's the first sign of the Apocalypse."



Brian snorted.  He hoped he wasn't as obvious as Justin had let on.



"Go get changed unless you want to eat in your suit."



"I'll change," Brian said noting that Justin looked particularly good in his sky blue sweater and gray slacks.  "He's not as casual about this dinner as he wants me to believe," Brian thought to himself.



Brian had his suit off and was pulling up some slacks when Justin climbed the steps to the bedroom and watched him.  "What?" Brian asked.



"I want you to know that I'll be pleasant to Trip, but I'm not going to like him, and I didn't poison the food."



Brian laughed.  "Come here," he said softly.



Justin went slowly toward him and found himself wrapped in Brian's arms, a delicious kiss planted on his lips. Brian bent him over backwards and ended the kiss with a little tongue.  Justin felt his cock harden. Brian finally released him.



"Shit!" Justin said.



"What?" Brian wanted to know.



"Didn't you feel it?  You got me all excited and Trip will be here any minute."

"Do you think we have time?"



"No!" Justin said emphatically.  All he needed was to be half-dressed and well fucked when Trip arrived.  That wasn't the kind of image he wanted to project. He wanted to be cool and collected and sophisticated for this man that he had heard so much about.  He wasn't sure he could pull that off. On second thought maybe half-dressed and well fucked wasn't such a bad look after all. He shook his head and willed his cock to be still.



Brian was watching him, half naked himself.  He noticed the conflicting looks pass over his lover's face.



"Will you get dressed before he arrives!" Justin ordered rather testily.



"Yes, sir!" Brian responded, saluting.



Justin chuckled and went down to the kitchen to check on dinner.  He had made chicken breasts in an herb sauce with vegetables that he was roasting in the oven with the chicken.  It smelled good and would be ready in about a half hour. That would give them time for drinks and salad beforehand.  He smiled. He could do this.



Just then the buzzer sounded and he jumped.  "Shit, I need to get a grip," Justin chastised himself.  Brian was still in the bedroom, probably primping, so he went to the door.



"Hello," he said into the intercom.



"Trip Bedford here."



"Come on up.  Top floor."



Justin slid the door back and went to check that he had the liquor set out properly on the counter.  He glanced around. The table looked lovely, if he did say so himself. The apartment was neat and austere as always.  He was ready.



"Brian!" he called.  "Trip is on his way up."



"Coming."  Brian appeared on the steps dressed in brown slacks and a chocolate colored silk sweater that looked good enough to lick off his body.



"Fuck!" Justin thought.  "He looks too good."



They both could hear the elevator stop and Justin realized he was holding his breath.  He willed his feet to start moving towards the door. He met Brian there as Trip stepped out of the elevator.  Justin could see why everyone was so impressed with Trip. He was a beautiful man, not as beautiful as Brian, but beautiful nonetheless.



"Brian," Trip said with a genuine smile on his face.



"Trip, I'd like you to meet Justin.  Justin, this is Trip."



Trip held out his hand and Justin shook it.  He felt very young and unworldly all of a sudden.  He didn't like that feeling at all.



"Come on in and make yourself…comfortable," Justin said.  He had been going to say 'make yourself at home', but that seemed too much like what Trip really wanted to do.



"Thanks, Justin.  It's nice to finally meet you.  I've heard so much about you. Did Brian tell you that I own one of your drawings?"



"Yes, he did.  I'm not surprised that you bought one of Brian.  They tend to be my best work."



"You have others?"



"He's always drawing me.  God knows how many sketches he has made," Brian added squeezing Justin's arm possessively.



"I can understand why," Trip said.



"I just bet he can," Justin thought.  "Brian, are you going to look after drinks?"



"Right," Brian agreed.  "What would everybody like?"

Brian made the drinks and they chatted for a few minutes.  Justin noticed that Trip's eyes rarely left Brian, only looking at Justin when he spoke or when Brian said something about his lover.  Justin felt like he was being sized up by this man, but also excluded from what was going on between the other two.



"Let's move over to the table and have some salad," Justin suggested.



They got up and moved to the table.  Trip complimented them on how attractive everything was.  Brian poured wine and they ate their salad. Suddenly Justin realized that Trip was staring at him.  He did his best not to squirm.



"The salad's very good, Justin," Trip said.  "May I ask how old you are?"

"Why?  Are you surprised by all the things I can do and still keep my youthful appearance?"  He knew there was a tone of sarcasm in his voice, but he couldn't help himself.



"Actually, yes," Trip said bluntly.  "You seem so young, but so accomplished, artist, chef, lover."



Justin tried not to blush.  "I'm not as young as I appear."



"He's almost twenty," Brian contributed.



Justin was glad Brian had not said nineteen, relegating him to teenager status.  "I'll get the main course," Justin said standing and gathering up the salad plates.  He went into the kitchen and saw Trip bend close to Brian, saying something he couldn't hear.  He dished up the chicken and vegetables and brought their plates to the table as quickly as he could.  "Did I miss anything?" he asked pointedly.



"I was just asking Brian how he found you," Trip replied.



Justin thought that made him sound like a stray dog that Brian had picked up on the street somewhere.  In a way he was. "What did you tell him?" Justin asked looking directly at Brian. He wasn't sure that he wanted Trip to know anything more about their relationship.



"I told him that I saw you standing under a streetlamp and I knew you were the one for me from that moment on."



Justin blinked.  That was a lie and Brian never lied.  He didn't know whether to be pleased that Brian had used this version of the story or worried that Brian had felt he needed to lie.  "Took you long enough to tell me that I was the one," Justin couldn't help but say.



"Do tell?" Trip said wanting an explanation.



"He fought me for months and told me to get lost for most of the first year that I knew him."

"Really?"  Trip was definitely interested in Justin's statement.



Justin had a quick thought that maybe he should keep his mouth shut.  Wasn't Brian fighting Trip and telling him to keep his distance? He didn't want to give Trip any more encouragement.  "But we're together now. That's all that matters," Justin said, reaching across to touch Brian's hand.



Brian smiled back at him, Trip watching their interaction.  "It must be a warm, secure feeling being in a committed relationship," Trip said.



"What … what did you say?" Justin asked.



"I said it must feel good being in a committed relationship.  I've had a couple of relationships, but nothing you would call committed."



Justin was staring at Brian.  His heart was pounding and he found it hard to swallow the mouthful of food he was chewing.  What was going on here? His brain couldn't deal with this. He managed to swallow finally, but he was no longer the least bit hungry.  He noted that the other two seemed to be finished so he forced himself to stand and start removing the plates. He leaned on the counter in the kitchen and waited for the strange feeling in his brain and his heart to pass.  Finally he felt he could stand on his own. He brought coffee to the table and somehow managed to ask Brian to pour. He knew his own hands would never be steady enough to do it. He went back to the kitchen and took the fruit flan out of the fridge.  He brought it to the table and went back for the dessert plates. He leaned on the counter again, trying not to hyperventilate. He wasn't sure how long it took, but gradually he willed himself to breathe normally and stop shaking. He went back to the table and began cutting the flan.  Brian and Trip were talking about something, apparently unaware that there had been anything wrong with him. He smiled as he dished out the cake, hoping that was an appropriate expression to have on his face.



The rest of the evening was a blur for Justin.  He remembered that they had moved over to the living room at some point, and had more coffee there.  He had showed Trip his sketchbook and what he was working on at the moment. He seemed to remember that the man had been very complimentary.  Mostly he sat in a daze and let Brian and Trip talk. Finally Trip thanked Justin for the delicious meal and said he should be going. They went out to the landing and waited for the elevator.



Trip's last words as he got into the elevator were, "You're very lucky, both of you."  Then the elevator had started down and he had disappeared from sight.



Brian and Justin went back into the loft and Brian shut and locked the door behind them.  He turned to look at Justin. "That went really well, don't you think?"

Justin stared at him.  "When the fuck were you planning on telling me?" he demanded.



"Telling you?  Telling you what?"



"That we're in a committed relationship!"



"I … I … I …"



"You have to come up with something better than that!"



"I … I thought you knew."



"Are you fucking insane?"



"But … but you knew I was trying to be … faithful when you were in New York."



"I know that two days after I left, you had two men in our bed.  Is that your idea of committed?"



"No, but I did much better after that."



"Just what is your definition of committed anyway?"



"You know … exclusive."



"I know that's what it should mean.  Are you telling me that we are exclusive?"

"I guess so."

"Since when?"

"Since a couple of weeks before we came back from New York."



"Seriously?"  Justin couldn't believe he was hearing this.



"Yes."


"And when the fuck were you planning on telling me this?"

"I suppose I just did," Brian said with a nervous little laugh.



"Correction!  Trip told me!"



"Oh!"



"Don't you fucking 'oh' me!  How could you decide something like that without discussing it with me, and then tell this…this…this man who wants in your pants, tell him before you even tell me?"



"Justin, I never thought …"



"That's exactly it!  You never think! You never think about anyone else but yourself."



"Justin …" Brian didn't know what else to say.



"Why do you do these things?  Are you ever going to talk to me before you make life-altering decisions?"



"I … I hope so," Brian managed to get out.



"You hope so?  Does that mean that you want to?"



"I always do the wrong thing.  It's always my fault. I'm no good at this," Brian said in a barely audible voice, looking like his world was collapsing around him.  He slumped down onto the couch, his head falling back and his eyes closing to keep in the tears that were forming there. "I shouldn't even try," he whispered in defeat.



Justin watched and his heart melted.  "No, Brian, don't say that. I want you to try.  I want to be in a committed relationship with you.  I'm proud of you for trying to be exclusive."



"You are?" Brian asked opening his eyes.  "I thought I was doing a good thing," he said in a small voice.



Justin sat down beside him and wrapped his arms around Brian's neck.  "I love you. It was a good thing, but you need to talk to me."



"You know I'm no good at talking."



"I know, but we're still working on your training in that area.  We'll make a conversationalist out of you yet."



Brian gave a half-hearted snort.  He pulled Justin closer burying his face against Justin's neck.  "I can carry on a decent conversation. It's this intimate stuff that I'm no good at."


"You're doing pretty good right now," Justin said, kissing along his cheek.



"Am I?  I didn't mean to make you mad.  I had to know that I could be committed before I told you.  You know I don't make promises that I can't keep."



"Is that why you didn't say anything?"  Brian nodded. "Then why did you tell Trip?"



"He said something to me in Indianapolis about how we both felt the attraction between us.  I told him nothing would ever happen because I was in a committed relationship. I remember thinking at that moment that you would be so proud of me because I said it without any hesitation."



"You did?  I am proud of you."



Brian kissed him, squeezing Justin's body into his own.  They could both feel their cocks harden under the close contact.  Justin pushed himself away from Brian. He wasn't ready to fuck and forget just yet.



"We have to discuss one more thing," Justin said very seriously.



"What?" Brian groaned.



"Why did you tell Trip that the night you saw me under the streetlamp on Liberty Avenue you knew I was the one for you?  That's a lie."

"Is it?"



Justin's blue eyes stared into his hazel ones.  "What does that mean?" Justin asked, holding his breath.



"I've thought about that night many times.  I wanted to fuck you and I wanted my life to continue as it was.  It suited me just fine. If so, then why did I take you to the hospital with me?  Why did I let you name my son? Why did I let you keep coming back?"

"Because I was persistent."

"That too, but I knew right from the outset that there was something special about you.  I wasn't ready to admit that or to deal with it for a long time, but I knew."



"I love you.  I so love you!"

"Am I forgiven for telling Trip?"



"Maybe."

"Can I convince you?"



"Possibly."



Brian began kissing Justin's neck and face and lips.



"Are you getting convinced?"



"Keep working on it."

"Anything you ask."



"See how easy this intimate talk can be."



"I'm learning," Brian said, taking Justin's hand and pulling him up to the bedroom.  He'd finish convincing him in their bed.

Promises

Justin realized he was humming a little tune as he headed into the gallery for work.  This weekend Brian had told him that they were in a committed relationship. He had never in his wildest dreams thought that Brian would agree to that.  Hell, agree to it, it had been his idea! If only Brian had talked to him about it first before making that declaration to Trip Bedford of all people. Justin tried to ignore that major lapse.  He had decided he was going to let it rest. He should just be thankful that Brian, for whatever reasons, had decided that Justin was the one and only for him.



He tried to wipe the dopey grin off his face.  He had been unable to stop smiling all weekend and he knew he was getting on Brian's nerves, but he couldn't help himself.  They had fucked again and again after Trip left. Neither one of them could get enough of the other. It was like they had moved to a different plane with their fucking.  It was sometimes intense, sometimes slow, sometimes tender and sometimes animalistic. They had done everything to each other all weekend long.



Justin slid carefully into the chair in the office.  His ass was going to need a day or two to return to some semblance of normal.  He grinned. So was Brian's.



Brian had left this morning before Justin woke up.  Justin had been a little disappointed to wake up alone in bed after such a fantastic weekend together.  He picked up the phone and hit Brian's number at work.



Cynthia answered, "Brian Kinney's office."



"Hi, Cynthia, it's Justin."


"Hi, Justin.  What did you do to him this weekend?"



"What do you mean?"

"He's had this goofy grin on his face all morning, and he hasn't barked at me even once."

"Count your blessings," Justin told her.



"I am, believe me, I am."

"Is he available?"



"I think so.  I'll put you through, and by the way, whatever you're doing, keep it up!"



"I promise," Justin replied grinning from ear to ear.



"Justin," Brian's voice came on the line.



"None other."

"How's your ass?"



"A tad tender.  And you?"



"I always thought I had a comfortable chair in my office, but I'd kill for a nice fluffy pillow right about now."



Justin giggled.  "That was some weekend, although I didn't like waking up alone this morning.  I had a few things that I wanted to do to you. I dreamed about them last night."



Brian smiled.  "Save them for tonight."

"If I can wait that long."

"Well, you better not come anywhere near here or I'll have your ass in the reception area in front of the whole office staff."



"Kinky," Justin giggled.



Brian chuckled.  "Did you need something, or are you just checking to make sure I remember the definition of committed?"

"I just called to tell you that I love you."

"Back at you."

Justin smiled to himself.  It was still hard to get an 'I love you' from Brian Kinney.  He said it sparingly, but usually at the most incredible times.  "See you for dinner," Justin said.



"Later," Brian replied and hung up.  He smiled and leaned back in his chair, only to receive a sharp twinge from his sore ass.  "Shit!" he muttered.



Once he found a more comfortable position, he allowed his mind to wander to the events of the weekend.  He had almost ruined everything by telling Trip that he was in a committed relationship. How could he have been so stupid to tell someone else before he told Justin?  He shook his head. He was so damn useless at this whole relationship shit. He wondered if he would ever get it even close to right. He doubted it, but Justin had forgiven him … again and again.  He knew he was grinning like an idiot but he couldn't help himself.



He cleared his throat and tried to get back to work.



                                                               -----



About two-thirty Emmett wandered into the Jane Granville Gallery looking for Justin.  He saw Justin talking to a customer in front of a sculpture, so he meandered along looking at paintings until Justin was finished.  Finally he saw the woman head for the door and he moved over to where Justin still stood.



"Make a sale?" Emmett asked.



"Probably not," Justin replied.  "I've learned the hard way that most people who seem really interested in a piece buy it immediately.  Their promises to come back tomorrow are usually pretty hollow."

"Funny, it's the same in the clothing business."

"Really?  I wouldn't have thought there was that much similarity."

"A sale's a sale," Emmett observed philosophically.



"So, what are you doing down here?" Justin asked.



"Came to see you."

"Oh, why?"

"Do I have to have a reason?"

"I bet you do."

"Well, actually I do.  Do you think you could design a poster for a charity event and maybe Brian could have them printed for us?"



"What charity event?"



"The hospice is holding a fifties dance to try to raise money to renovate the attic of the building they're in.  They could have three more beds if they did, and they want to name that floor after Godiva."



"Oh, Emm, that's nice."

"Yeah, it will mean that her memory lives on."

"I'll talk to Brian.  I'm sure he'll help."



"Thanks, Sweetie, I appreciate it.  You're good at getting Brian to do things.  Mostly he blows off any kind of charity stuff."

"He's not as tough as you might think," Justin said smiling mysteriously.



"What's that look for?  You look happy, really happy!"  Emmett looked at him appraising his appearance.  "What's going on?" Emmett wanted to know.



"Nothing.  Nothing," Justin said trying to stop grinning.



"Come on, Sweetie, spill!  You can tell me."

"Actually I can't."



"Now I know there's something juicy you're keeping from me."

"I can't tell you.  I promised."

"See if I tell you the next time I have some really good gossip," Emmett said huffily.



"Emm, all right, but you have to promise that it stays between you and me.  You can't tell anyone else. Okay?"



"Of course.  My lips are sealed," Emmett said pretending to lock his lips and then throw away the key.



Justin knew he shouldn't do this, but he so wanted to share his good news with someone.  "Brian and I are … are in a committed relationship," he blurted out.



"What?  Did my ears hear correctly?  Committed … as in exclusive … as in monogamous … as in no one else … as in …?"

"Shit, Emm, yes.  That's what I said."



"I…I…I'm just trying to get my mind around the idea of Brian Kinney being monogamous."



"It is kind of hard to believe, isn't it?" Justin said with a broad grin on his face.



"Oh, Sweetie, I'm so happy for you!"



"Thanks."



"When did this happen?"



"I just found out this weekend."

"Found out?  You mean you discussed it this weekend, right?"

"Not exactly.  Brian has been doing it for almost two months."

"You mean that Brian Kinney, the stud of Liberty Ave. has been with only you for almost two months?"

Justin nodded, grinning from ear to ear.



"How the mighty have fallen!" Emmett mused.  He was immediately sorry he said that when he saw Justin's face drop.  "I just meant that nobody would have ever thought that Brian would come to that point in his life.  You certainly have tamed the wild beast."



Justin still looked worried, so Emmett decided to keep his mouth shut.  He seemed to be making things worse with every statement he made. "I didn't want to tame him," Justin said sincerely.  "I like Brian the way he is. This was his decision," Justin tried to defend himself.



"You mean he did this voluntarily?  You didn't have to beg or plead?"



"He just told me that he had been exclusive for the last two months."



"And you didn't know until he said that?"

"No."

"He didn't discuss it with you?"  Emmett looked a little skeptical.



"He said he needed to prove to himself that he could do it before he told me."


"I'll be damned!"



"It is a little hard to get the mind around, even for me," Justin admitted.



"So how did he tell you?  Did he get all romantic with flowers and wine?  Did he give you a ring?" Emmett asked looking at Justin's hand.



Justin blushed crimson.  How could he explain how he had received this life-altering information?  Emmett and everyone else would think they were insane. "No, nothing like that.  It just kind of came out."

"What does that mean?" Emmett asked, noting that Justin was blushing, probably all the way down to his toes.  "Did he tell you in the middle of fucking your brains out? That would be so Brian Kinney!"



"No, not exactly."

"Come on, Sweetie, you've told me this much.  Dish!"



Justin knew he was getting deeper and deeper into shit he shouldn't be discussing.  He and Brian had decided not to tell anyone. It was to be their private business, their secret, until some time in the future when they would both feel comfortable telling their family and friends.  He had broken that trust already. Brian would have a bird if he knew. "I've already told you more than I should have," Justin said.



"Is it supposed to be a secret?" Emmett asked.  "What kind of committed relationship is it when nobody knows about it?"



"It's our kind!" Justin said defiantly.



"Brian's kind, you mean."



"So what?  That's what we decided to do."



"I bet you would have called everyone as soon as he told you, if you had had your way."



"Probably," Justin had to admit.



Emmett relented.  He could see that Justin was in turmoil about what he had already said.  Emmett wanted more information but he didn't want to upset his friend. "Justin, you don't have to tell me any more if you don't want to.  I told you I wouldn't say anything to anybody else and I won't."


"Thanks, Emm.  It's a relief to have somebody to talk to."



"But…you could tell me the rest if you want," Emmett offered.  "It won't go any further."



Justin considered his options for a moment.  "Come on in the office," he said. Justin got them some water from the little fridge and they sat on the couch.  "I really need to talk." He then proceeded to tell Emmett about having Trip for dinner and how it was really Trip that told him about them being in an exclusive relationship.  Justin could see Emmett's eyes getting bigger and bigger, but Emmett managed to keep his mouth shut and let Justin finish the story in his own way.


When Justin was finished his saga about confronting Brian after Trip left, and then the incredible weekend they had had together, Emmett's only reply was, "Holy shit!"



Justin smiled at Emmett's reaction.  He could just imagine what the rest of their friends would say if they heard what he had told Emmett.  "We never do anything in the usual way," Justin said by way of explanation.



"That's for fuck sure, but we are dealing with Brian Kinney here.  Is it any wonder?"

"You won't tell anyone, will you?  Even Ted?"


"Not a soul.  My lips are sealed."

"Thanks, Emm, I really needed to talk to someone."



"Any time, Sweetie, and you will talk to Brian about the poster?  Here's all the vital information." He handed Justin a piece of paper.  "I better get going," he said and with a kiss and a hug he was gone.



Justin sank carefully into the office chair.  He hoped he hadn't made a colossal mistake by telling Emmett, but he wanted someone to know and be happy for him.  He felt good about that, but not so good about breaking his promise.



                                                               -----



When Justin told Brian about the poster, his lover made a lot of bluster about not being part of the gay community, not being part of any community.  He wanted to know why people like Emmett always expected him to do stuff like this for free. Justin listened to all of his complaints and then asked how long it would take for him to have the poster printed up after he designed it.



"Two, maybe three days," Brian said, and Justin knew he was going to do it.



Justin got to work that night drawing up some preliminary sketches for the poster.  The dance was going to have a fifties theme and Justin wasn't too sure exactly what that entailed.



"What sorts of things go with the fifties?" Justin asked Brian.



"How the fuck should I know!  I'm not that old!" Brian was ticked at the implication that he would know or possibly remember the fifties.



"I didn't mean that you lived through the fifties, but you know a lot about a lot of things.  All I can think of is Elvis," Justin explained.



Brian sighed.  He remembered seeing a copy of a magazine not so long ago and it was all about the fifties.  "Well, Elvis and rock and roll came along in the fifties. There were saddle shoes and poodle skirts and buzz cuts.  The cars were huge and had big fins on the back." That just about exhausted Brian's list.



Justin looked at him like he was speaking a foreign language.  He groaned, knowing he was going to have to try to explain what saddle shoes and fins on cars and poodle skirts were.  He went to the computer and did a quick search. He found a site that dealt with fifties memorabilia and called Justin over.  In a very short time Justin had drawn up a rough draft of his poster showing a vintage Plymouth convertible with big fins and a guy and gal in suitable attire sitting on the trunk.  He had a 45 record with "Love Me Tender" on the label in one corner and all the info about the dance in the opposite corner. It looked great.



"Jesus, Justin!" Brian said looking at the work he had produced so quickly.  "That looks spectacular. I should have you working on my team at Vangard."


Justin beamed his sunshine smile at Brian.  He loved it when Brian spontaneously complimented him like that.  Then he knew that Brian really meant it, when it came out so suddenly.  "Someday," he replied with a smile. That got him a delicious kiss from the older man.



"Just one thing," Brian said, "shouldn't you have two guys or two gals sitting on the car?  This is a gay dance."



"I suppose, but we want both gay and lesbian to attend the dance," Justin explained.  "They don't have to be a couple, just two people from the fifties."



"Sure."  Brian still sounded a little skeptical.



"Can we go to the dance?"



"What dance?" Brian asked knowing full well what Justin wanted.



"The fifties dance, you twat!"



"Why would you want to go to something that you know nothing about?"



"It could be fun," Justin coaxed.



"It could also be pathetic."



"Brian, please," Justin begged.  "It's for charity and I'd really like to go."

"All right.  How can I refuse that face?  But I'm not wearing a poodle skirt."



Justin giggled.  "You could wear your leather jacket like the Fonz.  That was the fifties, wasn't it? I could grease your hair back."



"You leave my hair alone.  It takes me hours to get it in this disarray.  I don't want any goop on it. No Brylcreem for me."



"A little dab'll do ya!"



"Where did you hear that?"



"I think I heard my Dad say that one time.  Why?"



"Shit!  Are you trying to make me feel ancient tonight?"

"You're not so ancient," Justin replied hugging Brian around the waist.  "Let's go to bed and I'll show you how young and vital you are."

"My ass can't take too much tonight."

"Mine either."



"There are other things we can do," Brian said raising his eyebrows suggestively.



"Show me," Justin challenged.



Brian demonstrated some techniques that Justin was sure didn't come from the fifties, more like from the twenty-fifth century.



                                                               -----



Justin greased back his hair, but didn't like that look.  He swirled it around trying to make a jellyroll that he had seen in a book on the fifties that he had picked up from the library at PIFA.  They had lots of fashion books in the library. Somehow Justin was sure that the fifties wasn't high on the list of great fashion eras.



He didn't really have enough hair at the front to get the look he was trying for, but it would have to do.  He looked down at his jeans which he had rolled up at the bottom and the plain white t-shirt. It wasn't bad.  Anyway, it would have to do.



He wondered why Brian was so late getting home from work.  He knew they were going to the dance at eight. Maybe that was it.  He didn't want to go, so he was stonewalling and not coming home from work.



Just then the loft door slid back and Brian walked in.  Justin came down the steps from the bathroom where he had been fussing with his hair.  Brian stopped in his tracks and looked at his lover. "You look … ridiculous!" he said.



"Brian!  Don't be mean.  I look like someone from the fifties."



"Thank God, that's a long gone era.  I thought the eighties were bad."



"Did you eat anything?  You need to get ready so we can get to the dance before it's over."

"Keep your rolled up pants on, kid.  I need a shower, and I'd like a little company."



"We don't have time.  It's nine-thirty now!"



"I had a lot of work to tidy up before the weekend.  Come shower with me?" Brian asked nuzzling Justin's neck.



"No, go get ready!" Justin ordered.



Brian did not look pleased but he released Justin and went quickly up to the bedroom.  Justin heard the shower go on and went to sit on the couch. He leaned his head on the back of the couch and yawned.  He had worked several extra shifts at the diner so that he could get tonight off and all day tomorrow. Between the diner and the gallery and Brian he had little time for himself.  He didn't want to admit it, but Brian had been right when he had told him how hard it would be to work two jobs and still have time for himself and his relationship.



"Justin, Justin!"



Justin felt his shoulder being jostled and looked up into hazel eyes that were concerned.  "What?" he asked.



"You fell asleep while I was taking my shower.  Maybe we shouldn't go tonight, if you're this tired."



"I'm fine," Justin said standing up.  "It was just a power nap. Hey, you look good.  Just like the Fonz."



"Only taller, and I don't have my motorcycle revved up."

Justin laughed.  "Let's go!"



They arrived at the GLC just after ten.  Everybody else was already there. They found the table where the gang was seated.  Horvath was there with Debbie. He didn't look too ridiculous with his hair slicked back.  Everybody had gone all out with their costumes. Lindsay had managed to get a real live kickass poodle skirt from her mother. When she told everyone where she got it, Brian said, "Don't say she never gave you anything."


Lindsay stuck her tongue out at him, but Brian just grabbed Justin and pulled him onto the dance floor.  They were playing an old Buddy Holly tune called "Not Fade Away". Brian got into the song immediately.



"I like this old song.  Too bad Buddy Holly died so young."



"He did?  How old was he?"

"Twenty-two."

"Shit, that's almost the same as me."



"And his music was great.  You know the song "American Pie"?  When it talks about 'the night the music died', that's the night that Buddy's plane went down."



"Really?"

"Um hum.  Did you know that Buddy Holly not only sang but played a mean guitar?"



Justin looked at him like he was from outer space.  "You're a freak! How do you know all this stuff?"



"I read."

"So what was special about his guitar playing?"

"He played a Stratocaster with a stiff wrist at breakneck speed."



"No limp wrist for him, huh?"  Justin giggled.



Brian gave him a look and said nothing more.  Justin was sorry to have shut Brian up like that, but he was too tired to care.  He liked dancing with Brian, but he would rather be in bed asleep if he was truthful about it.



They danced a few more dances to music that seemed to Justin like it came from the last century, which he realized it actually did.  Brian seemed to really like it and so did Emmett and Deb and Vic. Finally he and Brian got a drink and went back to the table.



Michael and Ben were there.  Ben looked hot, dressed not unlike Brian.  Michael looked even more geeky than usual. He always seemed so kiddish and the fifties look just accentuated that.  Justin slumped into a chair and sucked on his beer.



"You look tired, Justin," Ben noted.



"I worked some extra shifts to get tonight and tomorrow off, so I'm a little pooped."



"That's too bad when you're supposed to be having fun," Michael said.



"He's young.  He'll be fine," Brian declared giving him a kiss.



Justin smiled at him.  He didn't want to admit that at the moment Brian was right about him taking on more than he could handle.  He didn't know how Brian did it, working till all hours and still having lots of stamina to go clubbing or fucking.  Brian never seemed to need as much sleep as he did.



"Come on, kid.  Let's dance some more," Brian said.



Justin allowed Brian to pull him up from his chair and onto the dance floor once more.  He did his best to keep up with the older man. He was relieved when after two or three songs, Brian marched him back to the table.  He collapsed into his chair.



"Sunshine," Debbie said, "maybe you should go home and get some sleep.  You look exhausted."

"I'm fine, Deb," Justin tried to convince her and himself.



"Whew!"  Emmett slid into the chair next to Justin.  He and Ted had been dancing up a storm. Justin looked at him with a bit of a worried look on his face.  Emmett leaned toward Justin and whispered, "I'm keeping my promise."

Justin smiled and looked relieved.  "Thanks, Emm," he whispered.



"Thanks for what?" Brian asked.  Nothing got by him.



"Um…for working on this dance," Justin covered.  "It's great!"



"Yeah, we have a good turnout.  Should raise a bundle for the hospice," Emmett added.



"Right," Brian said looking from Emmett to Justin and back again.  "Let's have one more dance and then I'll take my baby home and put him to bed."



Justin smiled in relief.  He liked that plan. They danced to "Jailhouse Rock", waved goodbye to everybody and headed out to the Jeep.  Justin climbed in and leaned his head against the headrest. He stifled a yawn.



"Are you all right?" Brian asked.



"Tired," Justin admitted.



"Well, not too tired for a little activity when we get home, I hope?"



"Never too tired for that."



"Good."



They drove to the loft in silence, Justin doing his best to stay awake and not yawn too noticeably.  When they finally arrived at the loft, Justin headed immediately for the bed. He kicked off his shoes and pulled off his clothes.  He slumped down onto the bed only to find Brian on top of him, licking his ear, his hard-on pressed insistently in the crack of Justin's ass.



"Umm," Justin moaned barely awake.



"Feel good?" Brian asked.



"Umm."

Brian began licking down Justin's back to that delicious valley at the top of his lover's ass.  His tongue licked across Justin's pucker and he felt the boy start. His tongue began to probe that delicious hole, receiving appropriate moans and whispers from the body under him.  He leaned over and reached for a condom. As he bit the foil and ripped it open he heard a snore escape Justin's open mouth.



"Fuck!" he muttered and threw the condom across the bedroom.  Brian got up from the bed and stared at his lover. He was horny and his raging hard-on wanted to ravish that delectable ass that lay tantalizingly in front of him.  He shook his head and walked into the bathroom. Whacking off in the shower was hardly the ending that he had anticipated for tonight. He started the shower and stepped inside, slamming the door.  He didn't care if the noise woke up the sleeping Justin.


                                                               -----



Justin woke to daylight and stretched luxuriously.  He looked around. The bed was empty and so was the loft if his ears were telling him the correct story.



"Brian?" he called.  There was no answer.



He tried to remember what had happened last night after the dance.  He remembered that he had fought to stay awake in the Jeep. After that everything was blank.  His ass certainly didn't feel like it had been fucked. Shit, had he fallen asleep? He glanced at the clock.  When it finally registered that it was telling him that it was 2:40 in the afternoon, he sat bolt upright. He had slept away almost all of this day off that he had worked so hard to get.  He couldn't believe that he had been so stupid, or more correctly, so tired.



He shoved himself up from the bed and went into the shower.  He needed to find Brian. He could just imagine how pissed Brian would be, both over last night and the fact that he had been out like a light for most of the day today.



He showered quickly and had just wrapped a towel around his hips when he heard the door slide back.  He plastered on his best smile and stepped out of the bathroom.



"Hey," he said.  "Where have you been?"



"Did you finally get up?"



"Yeah, sorry about that."

"I guess you really needed the rest," Brian said hardly looking at him.



"I feel much better now," Justin replied trying to put a positive spin on his sleeping the day away.  "What have you been doing?"

"Went to breakfast with the guys, worked out at the gym, went to see Gus, whacked off in the shower …"  He let those words hang in the air.



"Oh!"



"Is that all you fucking have to say?"

"What do you want me to say?  I'm sorry if I fell asleep. I couldn't help it."

"Right!"



"Brian, I had to work extra to get last night and today off," Justin tried to explain.  "It really tired me out."

"So you got last night and today off.  You were barely able to keep your eyes open at the dance last night.  You fell asleep in the middle of me rimming you. Your so called day off is almost over because you slept it away.  Tell me; was the extra work worth it?"



"I … I guess not."

"I tried to tell you two jobs was too much.  We don't need the money, but I do need your ass!"



"Is that all you're worried about?"



"Isn't that enough?"



"Jesus, Brian, one night I fall asleep and you freak out."

"This is supposed to be a partnership, especially now that we're in a committed relationship.  What good is that if you sleep your way through it?"

"Are you going to throw that in my face every time something happens?"

"Maybe it would have been better if you never found out that piece of information."

"Don't say that!" Justin said fearing Brian was going to take it back.



"Why?  Worried that you'll have to explain to Emmett how our committed relationship fell apart so fast?"



"How…how did you know?"

"I'm not fucking stupid!  When I see you and Ms. Honeycutt huddled and whispering, there are only so many things you can be talking about, and how great the dance was wasn't one of them."


"I'm sorry, but I needed someone to talk to and Emmett promised he wouldn't tell anyone else."



"He fucking better not!"



"He won't, and I won't tell anyone else either."



Brian looked at him.  Justin wondered if Brian was remembering all of the other broken promises that he had made.



"Did you tell anybody?  Michael?" Justin hoped the answer would be yes, but he was pretty sure that Brian wouldn't have told anyone.



"No, when I say something, I mean it."


That hurt.  Justin knew he deserved it, but it still hurt.  He was about to get angry and tell Brian off, when he realized that he didn't want to fight with his man.  He went down to where Brian stood by the couch. He put his arms around Brian's neck and softly kissed his luscious lips.  Brian stood rigid and unyielding. Justin kissed a bit harder and felt Brian's lips soften against his. He increased the pressure of the kiss and his tongue sought entrance.  He felt Brian's cock jump. He pressed his body into Brian's and felt the man's mouth open and accept the probing of his tongue. He felt Brian's hands wander over his back and shoulders, and then his towel was gone and he was hard and Brian was kissing him back.



Finally he released Brian from the kiss.  They both needed some independent breaths.  He started removing Brian's clothes. The man nuzzled his neck and whispered, "You smell so good straight from the shower."



"Thank you, but there's nothing straight about me."



Brian chuckled.  "Except your dick at the moment."



They both looked down to see two very hard cocks, each wanting relief.



"Come back to bed," Justin said removing the last of Brian's clothes.



"Are you going to spend your whole day off in bed?"



"Yes, but I don't plan to sleep."



"That's the best news I've had in several days."



They held hands as they went back up to the bedroom.  No more words or promises were said for a long time, just moans and gasps.  Each knew they would probably have another sore ass, but that was a small price to pay for the hours of pleasure and love they gave to each other.

Bedtime Story

"Fuck, Justin!"  Brian was exasperated.  He had agreed to take Gus for the weekend thinking that it would be a chance for the three of them to spend some time together and have a relaxing couple of days.  Now Justin had told him that he was working at the diner all day Saturday and at the gallery on Sunday.



"I'm sorry," Justin said lamely.  "I knew I had to work Sunday when you told me about the weekend, but I thought you could bring Gus to the gallery and we could still have some time together."


"What about the diner?"


Justin grimaced.  He knew Brian wasn't going to like this.  "Debbie has a date with Horvath. He's taking her to a wedding.  It will be the first time she meets some of his family. She tried everyone, but nobody would take her shift on Saturday.  They all had big plans for the weekend."



"We could have had big plans too," Brian said sarcastically.



"I'm sorry!"  Justin didn't know what else to say.



"Fuck sorry," Brian said matter-of-factly.



"I'll still be here in the evenings both days.  We can do something with Gus then," Justin said hopefully.



"Right!  We'll be able to cram so much into that half hour between when you get off work and Gus goes to bed."



Justin knew Brian was exaggerating, but he was right, there wouldn't be much time between the two.  "Shit!" Justin said. He felt like crying, but he told himself that it would only make him look pathetic, and it probably wouldn't soften Brian's attitude.  Justin sat staring off into space. There wasn't anything more to say. He had made these commitments and he would stick with them, even if Brian didn't like it.



"I'm going to Babylon for a couple of hours," Brian stated, getting up from the couch and heading up to the bedroom.


"Brian, it's after ten."


"Are you trying to tell me I have a curfew?"


"No … no.  I just thought that it's kind of late.  By the time you get there …"



Justin did not complete his sentence knowing that it would sound even more pathetic.  Brian thought nothing of staying up till all hours of the day or night. He could still manage to get up the next morning and be brilliant at work.



Brian was putting on his tight black jeans and a sleeveless black shirt when Justin went up the steps to see what he was doing.



"Want me to come?" Justin asked, trying to make up with his lover.



"Not particularly!"



Justin was hurt.  It wasn't like Brian to turn him down and in such a rude fashion.



"Fine," Justin replied.  "I'm going to bed. Don't wake me up when you come in, that is, if you come in."  He began taking off his clothes as Brian grabbed his keys and slammed out of the loft.



Brian arrived at Babylon to find none of his friends there.  He got a beer from the bar and went up on the catwalk to survey the scene.  He had been standing there for a few minutes when he could feel eyes boring into him.  He glanced around the dance floor, looking for someone who would be staring back at him.  Finally he saw the man. He was young, not as young as Justin, but young. He had black hair and big dark eyes that never wavered from Brian's face.  Brian had never seen him before. He must be new to Babylon. He was definitely cruising Brian. Brian felt his cock give a little twitch of anticipation.  He looked away knowing that he shouldn't be doing or thinking the things that were sweeping through his brain and body.



When he looked back, he couldn't find the man anymore.  He let out a sigh, more of relief than regret. Now he wouldn't have to deal with turning the guy down, if he had been strong enough to turn him down, that was.



"Hey," a soft voice said from behind him.



Brian turned to look into the same pair of eyes that had been staring at him from the dance floor.  "Hey," he replied trying to give no encouragement.



"Want to dance?"



"Not particularly."



"Come on," the man said.  "One dance? I'm Greg."



"Well, Greg, I think you're barking up the wrong tree."


"Why?  You're gay, aren't you?"



Brian chuckled.  Obviously this guy was new to Pittsburgh, not just Babylon.  "Rumor has it."


"Then come on and have one dance."


Brian sized up this guy.  If he had been looking for a trick, this would be no reject.  He was a little shorter than Brian, but had that lean, semi-cut body that appealed to Brian.  He wondered what he had come to Babylon for, if not to dance with such a man. He knew he had come to escape Justin for awhile, but why shouldn't he have a dance as well.  "You're on," he said and headed down to the dance floor.



They began gyrating to the music.  The guy was a good dancer. As the music continued he inched ever closer to Brian until his groin was grinding against Brian's.  Brian could feel the effect this was having on both their cocks, but he didn't care. It felt good to be on the dance floor and have this handsome young man desire him.  He had almost forgotten what an adrenaline rush that could be.



When that song ended they were very close together, sweaty and turned on.  As soon as the next song started, Greg began dancing and bumping provocatively against Brian.  Brian did nothing to stop him, just reciprocated.



All of a sudden Brian felt an arm slide down his chest and push him back so that he broke contact with Greg.  He had been lost in the moment, so when he looked up into familiar blue eyes he was momentarily stunned.



"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Greg asked.



"Fuck off!" Brian and Justin said in unison.



Greg shook his head and mumbled, "Fuck you both," as he headed to a different part of the dance floor to look for a new partner.



Justin laid his arms on Brian's shoulders and ground his groin into Brian's.  They moved together as only they could. Brian leaned in and sucked on Justin's lower lip.  That soon grew into a deep and lingering kiss with dueling tongues and gasping lungs.



"Come home with me, now!" Justin demanded.



"Let's go," Brian said, taking his hand and heading for the exit.



Brian drove at Indy speeds to get them to the loft in as few seconds as possible.  They raced up the stairs and had most of their clothes off before Brian could get the loft door locked.  Justin threw himself at Brian wrapping his legs around the man's torso. Brian walked them up to the bedroom, carrying Justin like that and kissing him all the while.  They tumbled onto the bed, Brian on top, kissing and exploring like they had been separated for months.



"Fuck me," Justin whispered.



Brian grabbed the lube and worked his fingers into Justin's pucker.  Justin stifled a scream as Brian's none too gentle fingers stabbed into his hole over and over.



He felt Brian stop, and he knew the man was putting on a condom.  His eyes searched Brian's face until he looked at him. Brian positioned his cock and plunged in with one swift and rather painful stroke.  Justin grunted and cried out. Brian pulled back and rammed in again. He knew he was taking out his frustrations on this willing body but it felt too good to stop.  He continued his assault. Justin's fingernails dug into his shoulders and he realized the boy was fighting back, returning the passion and anger that they had both felt.  The collision of their bodies became more and more severe as they pounded into each other. Justin was gasping and moaning and whimpering, or was that him? They were lost in the intensity of this act, joined as one, breathing as one, moaning as one, coming as one.



Brian finally opened his eyes.  He could feel Justin's heaving breaths beneath him, matching his own.  "Fuck!" he groaned, rolling onto his back and sliding his cock from Justin's body.



"Double fuck!" Justin replied gasping.



Brian raised his head and looked at his lover.  Justin still gasped for air, his mouth open to suck in as much oxygen as he could get.  His eyes were closed and his chest was covered in his own come. Brian reached over and ran his hand through the come, feeling the pearly white liquid already beginning to grow thicker.  He rubbed it over Justin's chest, then licked it off, sucking on the boy's nipples as he did so. He saw Justin's cock jump at his actions. He smiled.



"Fuck, Brian!  I can't take anything else for a minute or two."



"I know, baby.  I'm just playing," he said, kissing Justin and depositing some of his come into that luscious mouth.



"Mmm."



"Maybe we should go to Babylon more often.  That was exciting."


"You want to kill me?"


"Didn't you like it?" Brian asked.



"Of course I did.  It was sensational."



Brian chuckled.  "So I haven't lost my touch."


"Did you think you had?"



"Sometimes it seems like we fight about nothing and it gets kind of boring and … mundane."


"Anything to do with you is hardly mundane," Justin declared.



"That's good to know.  Why did you come to Babylon?"


"Couldn't let you find someone else."



"I'd never do that."



"Oh yeah, who was that guy you were dancing on top of?"


Brian snorted.  "Greg, I think. He was just someone to dance with.  That's all."


"It sure looked like he was after you.  I could barely squeeze my arm in between you."


"He was a good dancer, but not as good as you."


Justin kissed him, knowing that the tiff was over and Brian would be all right now.  "Let's figure out what we can do about spending some time together this weekend."


                                                               -----



Brian picked up Gus Saturday morning and brought him to the diner for brunch.  Justin took his break so that he could sit with them and eat something. Justin gave Gus a kiss and his plate of pancakes.  After Gus had gobbled up most of them, he looked at Justin and said, "Come to the museum with us, Justin?"


"I wish I could, Gus, but I have to work."


"Oh," said Gus not looking very happy about that reply.



"You and Dada will have a good time there, and I'll see you at the loft for dinner.  Okay?"



"Okay," Gus agreed.  "Play with me then?"


"You got it, partner," Justin said.



Brian and Gus left to go to the museum to see the dinosaurs one more time.  Justin went back to serving his tables and wishing he could be with his lover and Gus.



At the museum Brian took Gus through the dinosaur exhibit.  The little boy had learned the names of most of the dinosaurs.  He would say the name and then get Brian to read him the little blurb about that particular species.  Brian could tell that Gus took in most of what he read to him and wondered how soon Gus would have it memorized or be reading it himself.  He was a very bright little boy.



As the afternoon wore on and they had covered all of the dinosaurs, Brian decided to take Gus for an ice cream cone.  They drove to Baskin and Robbins and Gus got a chocolate cone. It was a warm day so Brian gave in and got a pistachio cone for himself.  He shared with Gus who had chocolate all over his face, but decided he liked pistachio too. He ate most of his father's as well as his own.  Finally Brian threw the remnants of the cones away and cleaned up the little boy.



He walked Gus back to the car and put him in his car seat.  Pretty soon he would be too big for it and they would have to move up to the next kiddy type seat.  Gus looked a little tired so Brian decided to take him back to the loft and maybe get him to take a nap.



Gus lay down on the sofa and Brian brought him his books that he had selected for his weekend visit.  He picked Thomas the Train, of course, and Brian read him the story. Gus' eyes seemed to be wanting to close but the little boy was fighting it.  Brian read on in a soft voice and soon Gus' even breathing indicated he was asleep. Brian stretched and went up to the bedroom. He brought down one of the pillows and laid it beside Gus to secure him on the couch and prevent him from rolling off.



He moved to the kitchen taking the phone with him.  He hit the number of the diner and Justin answered.



"When will you be here?" Brian asked.  "Gus is having a nap, but he'll be hungry when he wakes up."



"Um … there's a slight problem.  Kiki called and she's going to be a little late for her shift.  I have to stay till she gets here."


Brian groaned, but tried not to get too mad.  "Gus will be disappointed."



"I know, and I'm sorry, but there's nobody else to cover."



"What should I do about dinner?"


"Why don't you order pizza?  Gus loves it. I'll probably grab something here, but I could heat the pizza up, if I'm hungry when I get home."



"What time will that be?"



"I'm really not sure.  Whenever Kiki gets here, I guess."


"Fuck, Justin, you promised Gus that you would play with him tonight."



"I know.  Tell him I'm sorry and I'll make it up to him tomorrow."


"You better," Brian said, not being very charitable about Justin's situation.



Justin knew Brian was ticked, but there was nothing he could do about it.  "Later," he said and hung up.



Brian was pissed.  He knew Gus would be in a bad mood when he woke up and Justin wasn't there.  He tried to think of things he could do to entertain and distract Gus until Justin got home.  He rummaged around in the DVD drawer to see what kiddy movies he could find. After a short search he found the animated "Lion King" that Justin had picked up on sale a week or two ago, saying that Gus might like it.  He set it out as a last resort.



Brian walked over to his computer.  He had some work he could do, and since Justin was absent and Gus asleep, he decided he might as well do that.  Maybe Justin would be home by the time Gus woke up.



Gus slept for a little over an hour.  Brian was thinking about waking him up, because too long a nap meant that he would be impossible to put to bed in decent time.



"Dada," Gus said looking over at Brian working at the computer.



"Hey, Sonny Boy," Brian smiled, "did you have a good sleep?"


Gus nodded.  "Peepee, Dada," Gus said sitting up.



Brian immediately grabbed his son and carried him up to the bathroom.  He set the boy down in front of the toilet. Gus stood on the little stool they had there for him to use and pulled his pants down.  Brian watched his son pee into the toilet, concentrating very hard to do it right and not miss.



When Gus was finished, he pulled up his pants and pushed the stool over to the sink to wash his hands.  With that all accomplished he turned and smiled at his father.



"Good boy!" Brian congratulated him.  His son got more and more grown up every day.



"Where's Justin?" Gus asked.



Brian groaned inwardly.  "He's not home from work yet," he said trying to be cheerful.



"When will he come?"



"I'm not sure."



Gus looked ready to cry.



"Are you hungry?" Brian asked hoping to turn his thoughts to something else.



Gus nodded.



"Would you like pizza?"



Gus nodded again.



"Cheese and pepperoni?"



Gus nodded.



"Let's go order it," Brian said taking Gus' hand and leading him down to the kitchen.  He set the boy on one of the stools in front of the counter and searched through the drawer of take-out menus until he found the pizza one.  He ordered Gus' pizza and a vegetarian one. He knew Justin would eat either of them.



When Brian was finished, he looked at Gus wondering what they could do until the pizzas arrived.



"Thirsty, Dada," Gus said.



Brian got his Winnie the Pooh plastic cup with two handles and poured some apple juice into it.  Gus sucked on it greedily, and it was gone in a flash. "You were thirsty," Brian commented, and poured a little more juice into the cup.  As he was putting the juice back into the fridge he saw a bag of baby carrots that Justin must have bought. He brought it out and ripped it open, taking a handful of carrots out and putting the rest back in the fridge.  He gave them a rinse under the tap and put them in a little dish which he set in front of Gus.



Gus grabbed one and started eating.



"Chew carefully, Gus," Brian said.  "Would you like to watch a movie?" he asked hopefully.



"Justin."



"Justin will be here soon," Brian said hoping that would be true.



He helped Gus down and went to put "The Lion King" in the DVD player.  Thankfully Gus liked it and he was engrossed until the pizza came. They left the movie on while they ate.  Gus managed two good sized pieces of his pizza and Brian picked at the vegetarian one, wishing that Justin was there.  He was sure it would taste a lot better if the blond was sitting beside him gobbling pizza and commenting on the animation of the movie.



When the film was over, Brian suggested that Gus draw some pictures about the movie to show Justin when he finally got home.  Gus was happy to do that, always loving to scribble and color and draw. That kept the little boy happy for awhile.



By 8:30 Brian was getting ticked and Gus was more and more whiny wanting to know where Justin was.  Brian began suggesting that Gus go to bed, but the boy was not in the least tired. He wanted to play with Justin before he even thought about sleeping.



Brian took out the Thomas the Train toys that he had stocked up on for when Gus was there.  He sat down on the floor with Gus and they played with the various cars and the figure of the stationmaster.  Gus muttered away describing everything the trains were doing.



Brian asked, "Where is Thomas going?"



"To the diner to pick up Justin," Gus replied.



Brian smiled.  "If only it was that easy!"



"Thomas can carry lots of people," Gus explained.  "He'll get Debbie and Michael too."



"That's nice."


"Then we'll go to Mama and Mommy's house and pick them up."


"You're going to have a full train," Brian told him.



Gus nodded.  "We can get 'Mantha too."


"Who's Samantha?" Brian asked supplying the missing syllable to the name Gus had tried to say.



"My friend at school."


"Oh," Brian said.  He hadn't heard about Samantha before.  "Do you like Samantha?"



Gus nodded.  "She plays with me.  I like her."


Brian looked at his son.  "Do you play with other kids too, Gus?"


"Sometimes, but I like 'Mantha best."


Brian had often mused about the sexuality of his son.  He wondered what being brought up by two dykes would do to the kid's psyche.  He also wondered if Gus was confused by his own relationship with Justin. Maybe he was too young yet to care about any of that.  The fact that his son's best friend was a girl didn't surprise him either, but it didn't answer any of his questions.



After Thomas had picked up his cargo of people, Gus told Brian that they were going to New York.



"Why New York?" Brian asked, wondering if Gus remembered his trip there.



"We can visit Tyrone and Daisy and Luigi," Gus stated.



Brian was amazed that the little boy remembered the trip and the names of all the people he had met there.  "Would you like to go to Central Park and ride the Carousel again?"



Gus nodded.  "But first we see Daisy."


Brian chuckled.  It stood to reason that a horse would be the first thing that Gus would want to visit in New York.  Gus babbled on some more about the trip and what they would do. When Brian glanced at the clock, he realized it was almost nine-thirty and Justin still wasn't home.  Gus should have been in bed an hour ago.



"Let's go have a shower, Gus, and I'll put your jammies on."



"No!" Gus replied, knowing this meant he was going to get put to bed.  "Justin!"



"We'll put on your pajamas and then we'll wait for Justin.  Okay?"



Gus looked rather uncertain about this, but he did like showering with his father.  He liked it even better when Justin showered with them too. He always played fun games with the soap and held Gus up right under the showerhead.  "Okay," Gus said rather tentatively.



Brian stripped off their clothes and turned the shower on.  While he was checking to make sure that the water wasn't too hot for his son, the little boy disappeared.  "Gus," Brian called. There was no answer. "Gus!" Brian called more loudly and in a sterner voice. There was still no answer.  Brian knew his son had to be hiding so he went into the bedroom looking around for the boy. There was no sign of him there.



After checking the living room and not finding the little boy, Brian headed for the kitchen.  As he rounded the end of the counter, he saw Gus crouched down looking the other way. He pounced, grabbing his son, and flipping him up in the air.  At first there was no sound from the boy, as he was taken by surprise. Then he squealed in fright and wonder and delight as his father tossed him up again and again.   



"Had enough, Sonny Boy?" Brian asked lowering him down to his chest.



Gus grabbed him around the neck still giggling from the shock and fun of Brian's actions.  "Love you, Dada," he said kissing Brian on the cheek.



Brian hugged him tight and whispered, "I love you so much, Gus."  He was thinking of all the times as a little boy he had wanted his parents to say that to him.



Gus kissed his father again, seeming to study the sad look in his father's eyes.  "What's wrong, Dada?"



"Nothing, Gus, nothing.  Let's get that shower."



Brian carried Gus up to the bathroom and stepped into the shower, still holding the little boy in his arms.  He let the water hit them a bit, then stepped back. Gus giggled. He did the same thing again and Gus giggled harder.  He held the boy out into the flow of water and let him get thoroughly drenched. Gus sputtered and spit out the water he had sucked into his mouth.  Brian held him close till he recovered.



"Again, Dada!" Gus ordered.



Brian smiled and held his son under the flow, up close to the showerhead.  When he pulled Gus back, the boy gasped for air and coughed. Brian worried that maybe that had been too much.



Just then Gus giggled and yelled, "Again!"



Brian laughed.  Gus was definitely his kid, looking for the thrill, never willing to back off.  He held Gus under the spray one more time. When he pulled him back this time, he held him tightly and whispered, "That's enough, Gus."  He didn't want the boy to get too over-excited. He grabbed the soap and gave it to Gus who lathered his father's shoulders and face. Brian set Gus down and stepped into the flow to rinse it off.  He turned around and lathered up the little boy. Gus giggled and squirmed. Brian had trouble finishing his task. Hanging on to a soapy body wasn't easy. Finally they both rinsed off and Brian turned the water off.  He stepped out and wrapped a towel around his hips. He placed a towel around Gus' shoulders and picked him up, snuggling the towel under his chin.



Gus laid his head on Brian's shoulder as his father rubbed his back and arms to dry him off.



"Getting Sleepy?" Brian asked softly.



"No!"



Brian knew Gus was probably tired, but he wasn't willing to give in.  He still wanted to play with Justin. When the little boy was dry, Brian helped him into his pajamas.  He combed Gus' hair and fluffed his own.



"Want a drink, Sonny Boy?" Brian asked.



Gus nodded sleepily.  Brian carried him down to the kitchen and got them both some water.  Gus had a big drink. Brian was getting really angry that Justin still wasn't home.  It was after ten o'clock.



"Come lie in the big bed, Gus and I'll read you a story," Brian coaxed.



Gus whimpered a bit, but allowed Brian to take him up to the bedroom.  Brian laid his son on the bed and pulled a light summer sheet over the small body.  He picked up "Winnie the Pooh" and began reading from where he had left off the last time Gus was there.



Gus listened for awhile showing no signs of going to sleep.  When Brian paused for a moment to see if Gus was getting sleepy, the little boy said, "Dada."



"Yes, Gus?"



"Tell me a story from your mouth."



"From my mouth?" Brian repeated, not sure what Gus meant.



"Not from a book, from your mouth."



Brian realized that Gus was asking him to make up a story of his own, not read him one from a book.  He groaned. He was no good at this kind of thing. This was Justin's forte. Where the fuck was that kid anyway?



"Please, Dada."



Brian knew he was going to have to try, so he wracked his brain for an idea.  Then it came to him.



"Once upon a time," he began.



Gus smiled at him.  That gave him courage to go on.



"Once upon a time there was a handsome prince named Brian."



"Just like you, Dada?"



"Just like me, Sonny Boy.  The handsome prince was the master of his domain.  He had many subjects who worshipped him from near and afar.  He was very powerful, but also very lonely, only he didn't know that yet.  One night he was at another boring ball, dancing with all the fair … maidens.  He could have his pick of any of them, but they all seemed so much the same. No one really interested him.  He decided to leave the ball, because there was nothing there for him. He stepped out into the street feeling discouraged.  There before his eyes stood the most beautiful…princess imaginable. The princess had lovely blond hair and the most amazing blue eyes that the prince had ever seen."



"Just like Justin?" Gus asked.



"Exactly like Justin," Brian replied.  "So the prince walked over to the princess who stood in the light of…the moon.  He leaned close to the princess and asked, 'Have you had a busy night?' The princess shook her head.  Prince Brian said, 'I can change that.' The prince took the princess' hand and they mounted his steed and rode back to his castle.  Just after they got there, the phone rang and Prince Brian and the princess raced to the hospital because a new little prince had just been born.  The princess helped Prince Brian to name his new son Prince Gus."



"Just like me?" Gus giggled.



"Uh huh," Brian said.  "Once they had named the baby, Prince Brian took the princess back to his castle once more.  The princess loved to be kissed by Prince Brian and decided to stay with the prince always. Prince Brian realized that he loved the princess and he would never have to be lonely again if he allowed the princess to stay."



"Did the princess stay?" Gus asked.



"So far."



"That's good."


"Yes. It is," Brian agreed.



"Did they live happily ever after?"


"That remains to be seen, but I think there's a good possibility that they will."



"I like your story, Dada," Gus said, yawning and closing his eyes.  Brian leaned over and kissed his cheek.



"I like your story too," Justin said coming up the steps to the bedroom.



"How long have you been there?" Brian asked.



"Long enough."



Brian tried not to blush as Justin came over to give him a big, wet kiss.  "About time you got home," Brian whispered.



Justin pulled away to give Gus a kiss, only to discover that the little boy was fast asleep.  He looked sheepishly at Brian.



"My boring story put him right out," Brian said.



"I don't know.  I found it pretty mesmerizing."



"Only you would."



Brian stood up and squeezed Justin close for another kiss.



"I smell like grease.  Let's get in the shower," Justin said.



"I've already been in there with Gus.  I'll turn into a prune."



"Let's risk it.  There are things you can do in there with me that you can't do with Gus," Justin whispered.



Brian let Justin lead him back into the shower where they had an interlude that would never appear in a book of fairytales, at least not the traditional kind of fairy tales.  Justin did his best to make up for missing the day with Brian and Gus. When they were finally finished they moved Gus to the couch and climbed into bed. Brian reached for Justin's cock and was about to start the next episode of their own bedtime story when Justin's hand stopped him.



"What?" Brian asked.



"Tell me the bedtime story that you told Gus?" Justin asked.



"Are you kidding?"  Justin's smile told him that he wasn't kidding.  "I thought you heard it already."



"I missed a bit at the beginning, and besides, I think it's going to be one of my all time favorites that I'll want to hear over and over again."



Brian smiled back at him, and while his hand gently stroked Justin's hardening cock, he began, "Once upon a time…"

Date Night

"Brian," Justin began, running his hand over Brian's chest.  They had just made love and were both sated and happy. This was one of Justin's favorite times, lying in Brian's arms, not yet ready to sleep.  It was the best time to have Brian's undivided attention and to broach subjects that were often too delicate to bring up during daylight hours. He was less likely to get a snarky retort from the man.  Often he was able to achieve exactly what he wanted if he played his cards right.



"Mm," Brian responded.  He knew this was Justin's favorite time to speak his mind.  When they were both well fucked there was less likelihood of an argument.  He knew he often gave in to Justin's requests at these times when he would never consider them otherwise.  He didn't mind though. He liked making Justin happy.



"Do you remember our date nights?"



"I thought you wanted to erase them from your memory.  Why are you bringing up that ancient history?"



"I don't want it to be ancient history.  I want to re-institute date nights."



"Are you nuts?  You told me you would never go to the baths again, or do threesomes or foursomes."



"I don't.  I didn't mean those kind of date nights!"



"And what kind do you mean?"



"The kind where we go to dinner and maybe the theater, or at least a movie."



"Muncher type dates you mean?"



Justin giggled.  "It doesn't have to be like the Munchers.  I would like to do queer dates where we spend some time together out in public."



"But we can do much more interesting things in private," Brian countered, beginning to stroke Justin's cock.



"We can do that too, but I'd like to go out sometimes to places that aren't Babylon or Woody's"



Brian looked at his lover seeing the seriousness in Justin's eyes.  "Is this one of those things that I'm really supposed to listen to, because you really, really want to do it, and if I don't listen, I'm going to pay big time later?"



"Yes."



Brian chuckled.  He had taken the habit of using that disclaimer when he thought Justin was deadly serious about something, especially about something that he personally thought was silly.  When he said it, Justin would answer simply, "Yes" or "No", and Brian would know whether Justin wanted him to follow through on what was being discussed. Occasionally the answer was no, but most of the time, like now, the answer was yes.  "Okay, where do you want me to take you for our 'date night'?"



"Surprise me," Justin said, beaming his sunshine smile at his lover.  He leaned over giving Brian a delicious kiss and running his hand up and down Brian's stiffening cock.



"Are you sure you want me to?" Brian asked.



"Why wouldn't I?"



"I don't exactly have the best track record with surprises," Brian said ruefully.



"What do you mean?" Justin asked really not getting what Brian was driving at.



Brian groaned.  "The hustler, the prom…"  He let his words hang in the air.



"Shit, Brian!" Justin said.  "You wouldn't get me another hustler, and what happened at the prom wasn't your fault."



"I'm just warning you," Brian cautioned.



Justin gave him a hasty, worried look.  "Saturday night," Justin said, "you surprise me!  I trust you."


"Okay, but don't be shocked if I screw up."



"You?  Never," Justin teased.



Justin was giving Brian's cock some serious attention now and he could feel the man's arousal growing.  Brian pulled him tight and squeezed, eliciting a grunt of satisfaction from both of them. Justin rolled on top of Brian and pressed his own hard cock into Brian's groin.  Brian thought maybe Justin was going to fuck him. He had quite grown to like that aspect of their lovemaking, but he didn't want to let Justin know how much.



However, Justin surprised him by straddling Brian's legs and reaching for a condom which he proceeded to roll onto Brian's engorged dick.  He took the lube and slathered the latex-coated rod, smiling down at Brian.



"I'm going to ride you," Justin declared grinning, "hard!"



Brian grinned back.  Justin loved to ride his cock and he was very good at it.  He had learned through much practice how to give both of them the maximum pleasure.  When he added the word 'hard' to his statement, Brian knew it was going to be something special.



Justin leaned forward kissing Brian, his tongue demanding entrance and dueling deliciously with Brian's.  At the same time he shifted his weight from his knees to his feet and squatted above Brian's throbbing dick, as he ended the kiss.  Brian reached for his cock, steadying it at Justin's pucker. He felt Justin lower his body onto the rock hard rod. When the cap of Brian's cock penetrated, Justin threw his head back in abandon.  He let out a lusty moan of such pleasure and satisfaction that it went straight to Brian's groin and the man almost came just from the sound. Justin took all of the thick shaft, sliding down gently until he was sitting on Brian's groin, fully impaled.



He just sat there for a moment or two, staring into Brian's eyes, enjoying the feeling of being filled up.  Justin had not had that many lovers, but no one ever filled him the way Brian did, not just because of the size of Brian's dick, but because he knew this was where he belonged, with this man.  



Brian gave complete control over to Justin.  He waited while the waves of pleasure at being so joined coursed through their bodies.  He knew Justin would take them on a wild ride. The boy lifted up suddenly, clenching his anal muscles and dragging himself up Brian's cock.  Brian groaned in satisfaction. Justin grinned. When he reached the point where only the cap of Brian's dick was trapped inside him, he stopped and released his muscles, sinking back down until he was fully impaled once more.



He felt Brian's hips buck up beneath him.  "Be patient," he whispered.



"That's usually my line," Brian groaned.



"I've learned from the best."



Brian smiled.  He felt Justin contract his muscles again and begin a slow, twisting slide up his dick.  He wanted to scream at the exquisite pleasure he felt as Justin rotated his hips and used his muscles to tug on his pulsing cock.  He let out a raspy groan as Justin waited at the top before sitting back down and impaling himself once more. Brian couldn't help himself; he pushed up against Justin's ass, wanting to go deeper and possess his boy totally.  Justin let all of his weight rest on Brian, not permitting him any real upward motion. He clenched his muscles again and began the next slow, excruciatingly wonderful torment of sliding himself up Brian's cock.



"Jesus, Justin!" Brian groaned rolling his head back and forth.



"Like that?" Justin asked.



"God, yes, but I don't know how much more I can take."



"Then let's move on to stage two."



Justin upped the speed with intermittent tightening and loosening of his anus.  His own control began to diminish as Brian's cock hit his prostate and jolts of pleasure coursed through him.  Brian grabbed Justin's hips and held on, to steady the boy, but also to allow him to thrust up into Justin. They gasped and groaned and moaned and called out each other's names.  Suddenly they were coming in blinding waves of ecstasy that rocked each of them to the core of their being.



Brian opened his eyes, having lost track of time and space and his name.  Justin lay on his chest breathing rapidly, eyes tightly closed. Brian could feel his dick still up Justin's ass and he was sure there was no better place for it to be.  He ran his hand gently down Justin's back. The boy opened his eyes and looked at his lover, some semblance of reality coming back to him.



"You okay?" Brian asked.



Justin nodded.  "That was something else!"



"Why do you want to go out on a date when we can stay home and do that?"



"Call me crazy, but I do."



"You're crazy, but after that I'll do anything you want."



"Hm, let me see," Justin teased, mentally making a list of all the things he had ever wanted Brian to do.



Brian could see the wheels turning.  "Are you making a long list?" he asked tongue in cheek.



"All I want is a special night every now and then, a special night with my special man."



"God, I love you!"



Justin beamed at him.  All he really wanted was for Brian to say what he just said in that genuine easy manner that happened so rarely.  Everything else was merely icing on the cake. "Maybe we can do something like what we just did, when we get back from our date," Justin said kissing Brian's face.



"Sounds like a plan!"



                                                              -----



The next day Brian decided he better make some arrangements for their date before he ran out of time.  He had no idea what would be a special night out that they would both enjoy. He wracked his brain trying to come up with something.  He knew lots of restaurants and he could pick a good one, but he knew Justin wanted to do more than just dinner. He thought of several possible activities for their date but discarded them one after the other as being too ordinary, too boring, too uninteresting.  He sighed.



"Cynthia, can you come in here for a minute, please."



She appeared at his door almost immediately.



"Sit down," he said gesturing to the chair on the other side of his desk.



"Am I being fired?" she asked only half kidding.  He rarely called her in and asked her to sit down.  He usually left her standing in front of him while he barked out in the briefest of sentences what he wanted done.  She sat rather tentatively waiting to see what he would say.



"Why would you ask that?"



"No reason.  Forget it." she said seeing that he had no intention of getting rid of her.  "What can I do for you?"



Brian gave her a quizzical look, but decided to drop it and get the information that he wanted.  "Um, are you dating anyone right now?"



"Yes … yes, why do you ask?"  She had no idea where this was going.



"If you were going out on Saturday night where would you go?"



"Excuse me?" she said puzzled by this line of questioning.



"You heard me.  Where would you go?"



"I don't know.  I think maybe we'd go to dinner.  Why?"



"Is that all?"



"Yes, if it's not a special date or occasion, that's probably what we'd do."



"Oh," Brian responded.  "Where would you go if it was a special date?"



"I don't know.  I guess we'd look in the paper and see what's playing around town, pick something from there."



"Of course," Brian smiled, "why didn't I think of that?  Do we have today's paper around somewhere?"


"There's always one in the lobby," she replied.



"Would you get me the entertainment section and bring it here, please?"



"Sure," she said looking even more confused.  She went out to the lobby and returned with the section Brian had requested.



"Thanks," he said.  "I'll let you know if I need you to do anything else."



She gave him a look like he had just stepped off a spaceship from Mars and left the office.  Brian flipped through the paper and then he saw it. That would be perfect. "Cynthia, come back in here!" he ordered.  She reappeared almost immediately. "Get me two tickets for that for Saturday night," he said pointing to an ad in the paper.  "Make them the best available."



"Okay," she said taking the paper out to her desk to do as he requested.



A few minutes later she buzzed him to say that he had two orchestra seats in Row M for Saturday night.  He could pick up the tickets at the box office beforehand. Brian smiled as he mentally made arrangements for the rest of their date on Saturday night.



                                                               -----



All week Justin dropped subtle hints about Saturday night, not wanting to ask outright if Brian had made plans and praying that he hadn't forgotten or changed his mind.  Brian refused to say anything about what he was planning. He either ignored Justin's hints or simply gave a terse non-committal answer. By Saturday morning Justin was going crazy with worry and expectation.



Brian told Justin that he was going to the gym for a couple of hours and then was having lunch with the boys.  Justin looked crestfallen as Brian made no mention of their date.



"Haven't you forgotten something?" Justin asked.



"I don't think so," Brian responded.



"Tonight?"



"What about tonight?"



Justin saw the flicker of a smile pass across Brian's face and he knew the man was teasing him.  "You shit! You're tormenting me!"



Brian grinned.  "A little bit," he admitted.



Justin put his arms around Brian's neck.  "So are you going to tell me where we're going?"



"No."



"Come on," Justin pleaded.



No."



"Well, at least tell me what to wear."



Brian went up to the closet and pulled out Justin's gray slacks and a sky blue silk sweater.  "Wear this," he said. "I'll pick you up in front of the gallery at six."



"So it's some place nice?" Justin said fishing for more information.  



"You'll see."



"Tell me more."



"No."



"Brian!" Justin whined.



"Be wearing those when I pick you up," Brian said.  "There won't be time to change afterwards.



"Are you going to tell me what we're doing?" Justin asked, hoping against hope that Brian would reveal his plans.



"No," Brian said and walked out the door to go to the gym.



Justin was slightly annoyed that Brian wouldn't tell him anything about their date, but he had told Brian to surprise him.  He sincerely hoped it was going to be a good surprise. Justin left for the gallery shortly after, carrying the sweater and slacks that Brian had selected for him carefully folded in his backpack.  It was going to be a long day wondering what was ahead.



Brian went to the gym and then had lunch with his friends.  He never said anything about the date, opting to keep their private life private, between him and Justin.  He caught Emmett looking at him strangely a couple of times, and wondered how long the man would be able to keep it quiet that he and Justin were in a committed relationship.  He had to hand it to Emmett. He had lasted longer already than Brian would have originally given him credit for. Maybe their secret was safe with him after all.



Justin had a great deal of trouble concentrating on work at the gallery.  He was thankful that it was a fairly busy day. When he was talking to potential customers, he didn't have time to think about what Brian had planned for them.



Finally at 5:45 Justin locked himself in the washroom and quickly changed his clothes.  Nobody came into the gallery thankfully, and he was able to get ready without interruption.  He wished there was a shower, but he had to make do with washing his face and hands and splashing on some cologne.  He ran a comb through his hair and decided he was presentable for wherever Brian was taking him.



Minutes after he came out of the washroom he saw the Jeep pull up in front of the gallery.  He quickly gathered up his backpack where he had stowed his work clothes. He locked the front door of the gallery behind him and climbed into the Jeep.  Brian squealed away without a word.



They only went a few blocks before Brian pulled into an underground parking garage.  Justin had looked at Brian a few times, but the man refused to return his gaze. He said nothing.  Justin realized his heart was pounding in his chest.



Brian pulled into a parking space and they stepped out.  Brian looked at Justin and smiled his approval at how his lover looked.  He took the boy's hand and led him out of the parking garage. They crossed the street and entered a French Restaurant called Chez Michel.  The maitre d' showed them to a secluded table near the back. Once they were seated and had begun to look at the menu, Justin decided he had to say something.



"This is a nice place, Brian," he began.  "Have you been here before?"



"No, somebody recommended it to me once, but I've never come here.  I thought we should experience something new for both of us."



"I like that idea," Justin said smiling at him.



Brian looked pleased with Justin's reaction to the restaurant.  He ordered a bottle of red wine when the wine steward came to their table.



"Oh Brian!" Justin gushed staring at the menu.  "They have escargots! I remember them from Emile's. They were so good.  Can I have some?"



"You can have whatever you want, Sunshine."



The steward brought their wine and poured a bit for Brian to taste.  He nodded his approval and the steward filled both their glasses. Brian picked up his glass and raised it toward Justin.  "To a pleasurable … and successful date … the first of many to come," he said and clinked his glass with Justin's.



Justin took a sip of the wine.  "That's good wine," he noted. He couldn't help but smile to himself that Brian's toast had implied that there were more dates to take place in the future.  He hoped everything went well tonight, because the possibility of going on a date with Brian every now and then was his fondest wish.



"Have you decided what you want to eat?" Brian asked.



"I think so."



Brian nodded toward the waiter and he came to take their order.  Justin wanted to try duck a l'orange after his escargots. Brian ordered a salad and filet mignon.  They chatted about what had happened to each of them during the day and thoroughly enjoyed the food.  When they had finished up the main course, Brian reached across and took Justin's hand. Justin wasn't sure what Brian was going to do.  Brian merely turned his hand over and looked at Justin's watch.



"We need to go," Brian said.



"Where?"



"You'll see."



"No dessert?"



"Later."



Brian quickly paid the bill and they headed out.  As they moved along the sidewalk, Justin put his hand into Brian's and felt the man squeeze it gently in acknowledgement.  They rounded the corner of the street and Justin saw Heinz Hall across the way. Brian headed in that direction. The sign over the front doors read "Riverdance".



"We're seeing Riverdance?" Justin asked in amazement.



"You got it."



Brian claimed their tickets at the box office and they found their seats.  The show began soon after and Justin and Brian were both mesmerized with the speed and grace of the dancers, the beat and swirl of the music, the glow and charm of the lights and costumes.  They couldn't help but tap their feet to various dances. The time sped by and before they knew it, it was intermission.



Brian took them to the lobby where they got a glass of wine and Justin gushed about how much he was enjoying the show.  Brian smiled at his youthful enthusiasm, but he had to admit that he was having a great time too.



The second half of the show went by even faster than the first.  When it was over, there was a standing ovation for the dancers. Brian and Justin joined in enthusiastically.  By the time they left the theater it was after ten-thirty. They walked back to the Jeep, Justin jabbering away about how the girls could make their feet move so fast while keeping their arms and upper body motionless.  The men moved so gracefully and leapt so high. Justin had decided that he was going to do a series of sketches based on the show they had seen.



Brian smiled, happy that he had made a good choice for their date.  They got in and Brian drove the Jeep to one of the big hotels in downtown Pittsburgh.



"Are we staying here tonight?" Justin asked.



"I hadn't planned on that," Brian said.



"Then…?"



"Wait and see."



They took the elevator to the top floor where there was a revolving restaurant.  They were seated by the window where they could watch all of Pittsburgh slowly pass beneath them.



"What do you want for dessert?" Brian asked.



Justin chose "Death by Chocolate" and Brian ordered two cappuccinos to go with it.  They sat in silence for a few minutes watching Pittsburgh slowly sweep by beneath them.



"You could almost believe this was New York or any other big city when you see it in the dark with the lights on moving slowly," Brian observed.



Justin laughed.  "Are there any more qualifiers you could add to that statement?"



"Hm, being so far above it helps too."



Justin laughed again.  "You are merciless."



"Moi?"



"I've had a great time tonight, Brian."



"Actually so have I."



"You mean it?" Justin asked earnestly.



"I mean it."


Justin beamed at him.  "So date night wasn't as horrible as you thought it might be?"


"I didn't think it would be horrible.  It's just not something I'm used to doing, and the few times I've tried it haven't been raving successes."



"A little outside your comfort zone?"



"A bit, but sometimes it's good to stretch yourself."



"I hope we can do it again," Justin said hopefully.



"That might be arranged," Brian conceded.



The coffees and cake arrived.  Justin had a big bite of his dessert and grinned with satisfaction.  "This is so good! Try a bite."



Brian opened his mouth slightly and Justin took that as his signal to feed the man a piece.  Brian ate it slowly, licking his lips to get the last crumbs. "Jesus, that has enough calories to add fifteen pounds."



"But it's scrumptious," Justin countered.



"Yeah, it is."



Justin smiled.  "Want another bite?"



"Maybe a tiny one," Brian gave in.



Justin fed him another piece, taking a big bite for himself.



"I'm going to have to give you some workout when we get home to burn off all those calories."



"I'm ready," Justin grinned devouring the last bite of his dessert.  Brian thought he looked like he wanted to lick the plate but knew better than to do that in polite company.  "Why did you pick Riverdance to go to tonight?" Justin asked out of the blue.



"Fuck, Justin, this is Pittsburgh!  It's not like I had unlimited choices."



Justin giggled.  "I realize that but why did you pick it?  There were other choices."



Brian looked thoughtful.  "I've heard a lot about it, but never seen it.  It was playing here tonight, and I thought it might be cool to get in touch with some of my Celtic roots."



"You really liked it, didn't you?"


"I did, more than I thought I would."



"Have you ever thought about going to Ireland, to visit your ancestral homeland?"



"Once or twice?"



"Really?  I think that would be neat.  Do you know where your family came from originally?"



"I think somewhere near Limerick."


"Cool!"



Brian snorted.  "They were dirt poor.  It's not like we'd find the castle they left behind."



"I know, but it would still be nice to see Ireland.  I hear it's very beautiful."



"Are you volunteering to go with me?"



"Are you asking me to go with you?"  Justin's eyes had gotten very big.



"Sounds that way."



"I'd go anywhere with you, Brian.  You know that. Ireland would be amazing."



"Maybe we should think about that for a vacation sometime."



"I'm game if you are," Justin said, refraining from screaming and shouting with joy that Brian was describing an actual vacation that they might take together.



"Are you finished with your cappuccino?"



"Yes, why?"



"Because I want to take you home and fuck the shit out of you!"


"I'm ready," Justin said giving Brian his radiant sunshine smile.  "And Brian, thanks for tonight. I've had a wonderful time."



"So have I, Sunshine.  Let's go."



When they arrived at the loft about twenty minutes later, Justin jumped out of the Jeep ready to show Brian how much he had appreciated their date.  Brian made no move to get out. Justin opened the passenger door again. "Aren't you coming?" he asked.



"I guess so," Brian said, finally making a move to leave the Jeep.



Justin looked at him worrying that something was wrong.  He took Brian's hand and they rode the elevator up to their home.  Once inside Justin threw himself into Brian's arms.



"I've been planning all night how I'm going to give you a special thank you for our date."


Brian kissed him, but not with great enthusiasm.



"What's wrong, Brian?" Justin asked, worried.



"I've been expecting something bad to happen all night, at least a flat tire, something to ruin our perfect date."



"It was perfect, wasn't it?  And nothing bad has happened."  Justin tried to reassure his lover.  He hadn't realized how worried Brian had been about the outcome of this date.  "We're home and safe and I'm ready to be fucked! What more can you ask for?"



"Nothing, Sunshine.  I have everything I'll ever need right in my arms."

Needing Space

Justin shifted the boxes in the storage closet.  He had decided he needed some space for himself in there.  When he had come home from the gallery, he had looked at all his mess on the table and decided that it was time to rearrange some things.  Brian was in Chicago for the day on business, so he had taken it upon himself to create some extra room for his art supplies. He knew Brian detested all of his clutter on clear view for anyone who came to the loft.  The man never said anything about it, but Justin was well aware of his attitude about things being out of their place and looking messy. If Brian was anything, he was meticulous about his looks, his belongings, his loft.



He dug through the boxes to the back of the storage closet.  What the fuck was this? Justin gasped in amazement. It was his framed sketch of Brian asleep, the one with his dick clearly on display, the picture that someone had bought from the GLC the night he had first displayed his art.  Brian had bought it! Even back then when he was being so mean and aloof, turning Justin down all the time, telling him to get lost, he had cared enough to buy this piece of his art. Justin couldn't help grinning. Maybe that fairytale that Brian had told to Gus about seeing his true love under the moon the night they had met was real.  It was the same thing that he had told Trip Bedford, that he knew from their first meeting that Justin was someone special to him. This merely confirmed it.



Justin carried the picture out into the bedroom and laid it on the bed.  He would talk to Brian about this when he got home.



He went back into the closet.  There were several cardboard boxes with nothing marked on them to indicate what they were.  He wondered if he should open them and see if he thought he could get rid of some of this stuff and make more room for his own belongings.  He hesitated. He knew how much Brian valued his privacy, but Brian had never told him that he couldn't come in here, that these boxes were off limits.



He lifted one up.  It was light and he carried it easily out to the bedroom.  The flaps were merely folded in, not taped or sealed. He pried the flaps open to reveal clothes.  He pulled some items out of the box. They were nothing he had ever seen Brian wear. In fact they looked a little dated, maybe a few years old.  These could probably be thrown out or given to Goodwill. He'd ask Brian about that when he picked him up at the airport later tonight.



Another trip into the closet and another box lugged out.  This one was much heavier. He pulled open the flaps. Books … textbooks from high school and university by the looks of it.  Why would Brian keep these old things? Most of the information in them was probably outdated. This was a possible one to get rid of.  He set it down beside the box of clothes.



The next box he hauled out had been way in the back.  It wasn't too big and also was quite light. When Justin opened it, he had a funny feeling that this one was different from the others and maybe he shouldn't be poking around in its contents.  That feeling lasted for a split second before his curiosity got the better of him.



Right on top was a framed photograph, and that was what had grabbed his attention.  It was a picture of a man, a beautiful man. He appeared to be Brian's age or a little older.  He had light brown hair and violet eyes, Elizabeth Taylor eyes, Brian would have called them. He had heard Brian once say that Elizabeth Taylor had the most amazing eyes.  Justin remembered making some remark about her being old and Brian had got mad at him. Brian had rented a movie, "Butterfield 8", he thought he remembered it was called, and they had watched this gorgeous woman with the mesmerizing eyes.  When it was over, Justin had to admit that Elizabeth Taylor had fucking amazing violet eyes.



Justin stared at the picture.  He wondered who this could be. He noticed something in the bottom corner.  He moved it into better light and saw that it said, "Love always, Eamonn" written in a sprawling hand.  Who was Eamonn? He had never heard Brian mention anyone by that name. It sounded Irish. He wondered if he could be a relative of Brian's, but a relative probably wouldn't sign a picture that way.



Justin set the picture aside on the bed and looked into the box to see what else it contained.  He picked up a silver ID bracelet with the word "Brian" engraved on it. Why would Brian put his bracelet into this box and stick it in the back of the cupboard?  A sweater was next, a pale blue cashmere sweater that felt so soft to the touch. It was like handling air. He lifted the sweater out of the box to find two more items.



He picked up a book, "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand.  He knew that Ayn Rand was one of Brian's favorite authors.  What was the book doing in this box instead of being on the book shelf behind the computer?  He flipped open the cover. The words leapt out at him: "You are my life. Love forever, Eamonn."  This had to be someone who loved Brian and probably Brian loved him back. He had never heard of this man before.  He wondered if any of Brian's friends knew about this.



The last item in the box was a watch, a rather expensive looking watch.  He turned it over, moving it into the light to read the inscription that he knew would be there.  "To B. Love, always and forever, E."



Justin looked at the contents of the box now spread out on the bed.  He had so many questions, but he knew that getting answers out of Brian was highly unlikely.  He would probably be mad that Justin had found all of this stuff long buried in the back of a closet.  He wasn't sure what to do. He carefully laid everything back in the box and closed it up. He set it on top of the other two boxes he had carried out from the closet.



"Shit!" he said aloud as he glanced at the clock.  Brian's plane would be landing in half an hour and he was supposed to pick him up.  He debated moving the boxes back into the closet, but decided he didn't have time and he really wanted to get rid of the clothes and books.  He'd talk to Brian about this when he collected him from the airport.



About forty-five minutes later Justin pulled into the airport.  Brian had called on his cell when he got off the plane. He would be waiting on the arrivals level for Justin to pick him up.  Justin began the slow trip along the arrivals area looking for Brian. He saw him down the way, standing nonchalantly smoking a cigarette.  Justin pulled up in front of him. Brian crushed his cigarette under his shoe, tossed his briefcase into the back of the Jeep and climbed into the passenger side of the car.  He leaned over and gave Justin a lingering kiss.



"Miss me?" Justin asked.



"Always," Brian replied.  That word had a funny ring in Justin's ears as he thought about the contents of the box he had discovered.



He smiled at Brian and took off out of the airport.  Justin asked about the trip and Brian told him that he had won a new account.  He was in a particularly good mood as a result.



"I'm going to fuck you so hard!" Brian grinned at his partner.



"You weren't even gone overnight," Justin giggled.



"I'm still horny."



"You're always horny."



"True."

They smiled at each other.  This was one of the best things about their life together.  They suited each other so well in their attitudes and needs.  What one lacked the other made up for. They were the same and yet opposite and such a complex combination of ideas, emotions and beliefs.  They complemented each other perfectly.



When they arrived at the loft, Brian headed up the stairs not wanting to wait for the elevator.  He slammed the door behind them and pinned Justin against it. His kisses were insistent, caressing the boy's lips and teeth and tongue, then probing and becoming more demanding.  He pulled off Justin's shirt and ran his hands over the bare flesh that was so warm and yielding and inviting. He moaned into Justin's mouth.



"Come to bed," he ordered pulling Justin behind him up the steps.



Unexpectedly Brian stopped and Justin bumped into him.  "What?" Justin asked surprised.



"What's that?" Brian asked seeing the sketch of himself still lying on the bed.



"Oh," said Justin, "I was cleaning out the storage cupboard when I found that."



"What were you doing in that closet?" Brian asked warily.



"I know you hate my mess all over the loft and I thought if I could make some room in there, I could store some of my art supplies out of sight."



"Did you now?" Brian asked.  "What made you decide that?"

"I had nothing else to do when you were away.  Nobody here to keep me permanently pinned to the mattress," Justin joked.  "Speaking of which …"



Brian stared at him.  He looked back at the sketch.  "Aren't you going to ask why I have that and why I didn't tell you?"

"Eventually," Justin said.  He was engrossed in the process of removing Brian's shirt.



"I bought it because it showed how big my dick is," Brian said sarcastically.



"Mmm," Justin responded nibbling and licking on one of Brian's nipples.



"Did you hear me?"



"Yes."



"Aren't you going to chew me out for being so egotistical?"

"Later."



Brian allowed Justin to push down his trousers.  His stiff cock leapt free. He pushed Justin back towards the bed and they fell together onto the blue duvet.  Justin's legs came up around Brian's torso, holding the man trapped against his body.



"I want you inside me now!" Justin ordered.



"Bossy little bottom!" Brian chuckled.



He grabbed a condom and was inside his lover in one deep thrust and gasp.  They rocketed toward orgasm, pumping and thrusting and shouting out their need of each other.  When they came, time stopped for a moment and the world exploded in multi-colored light.



"Shit, Brian!  You should go to Chicago more often.  That was amazing!"



"Maybe I should try New Orleans or San Francisco."



"Whatever!  It was worth the trip," Justin stated leaning against Brian's chest.



Brian held his boy against him, running his hand over Justin's back and down to his ass.  He squeezed each perfect orb and heard Justin sigh his satisfaction. As Brian glanced up, he saw the cardboard boxes stacked against the wall.



"What are those doing there?" Brian asked, a tiny seed of fear erupting in his brain.



"They're the boxes from the closet.  I wanted to ask you about getting rid of some of them.  Then I could use the space to put some of my art stuff out of the way."

"Did you look in them?"



"Yes," Justin said honestly, studying his lover's face and not liking what he saw there.



"In all of them?"


"Yes."



"And what do you want to get rid of?" Brian asked trying to discern which boxes sat before him.



"There are clothes in one.  They look outdated, so I thought maybe we could give them to Goodwill."



"That's fine," Brian agreed.



"The other one had books, mostly textbooks.  Do you need them for something?"



"I sometimes refer to them when I'm researching a product," Brian replied thinking about the glue he had made to stick that asshole judge to the toilet seat.



"So we'll keep those then."



"Yes.  You never know when I might need them."

"Brian, why did you buy my sketch?"



Brian realized that Justin had switched the topic and avoided the contents of the last box.  His fear escalated. "I bought it because I wanted it."

"Of course you did, but why did you want it?"

"It was something you had made, and you really are a very good artist, even back then."


Justin beamed at him.  "Why didn't you let on that you had bought it?  Why did you hide it in the back of the closet?"

"I wasn't ready to let you know how important you were becoming to me," Brian said simply.  "After a while I kind of forgot about it."

"When you told that story to Gus, you really meant it that you knew I was your special someone right from the first moment, didn't you?"  Justin still wanted reassurance about that fact.



"Yes.  I don't know that consciously I could have admitted that at the time.  I was so busy fighting against the whole idea that I couldn't allow myself to even think about such a thing."

"Why was that so hard to accept?  Does it have to do with the contents of that last box?"

"What do you mean?" Brian asked, all too afraid that he knew exactly what Justin meant.



"I looked in the last box too," Justin admitted.  "Who was Eamonn?"

Justin felt Brian's body stiffen against him, and the next thing he knew Brian was gone.  He had leapt from the bed and was pulling on jeans and a t-shirt.



"Brian?" Justin said.



The man ignored him and went down the steps having donned a pair of sneakers.  Justin could see him grab his keys from the counter and he was out the door as Justin called his name in one last futile attempt to get him to stay.



                                                               -----



Justin had been sitting in the living room for two hours.  He was slowly going out of his mind. He had figured that the contents of that box were going to cause a problem, but he had hoped that he and Brian had come far enough to avoid this kind of outcome.  Brian was able to talk to him about most things now, and hadn't walked out on him in months. This time had been worse, if anything. Brian had said nothing, just left. He hadn't yelled at him or used their old words of warning "Work in Progress".  He had merely left without a word or a backward glance.



As the hours ticked away Justin became less and less sure that Brian would come back at all.  He had tried Brian's cell phone again and again, but it was shut off. By two in the morning Justin was ready to scream.  He didn't know what to do. He couldn't call Lindsay or Michael at this hour of the night.



Suddenly an idea hit him.  He picked up the phone and called a cab to pick him up at the loft.  While he waited for it to arrive, he rifled through Brian's drawers to find some cash that he could use for what might turn out to be a lengthy cab ride.



Ten minutes later he was in the back seat of the taxi heading towards the destination he had given the driver.  As they drove along the river, Justin's heart leaped. The Jeep was parked where he had thought it might be, near the bench where they had first begun to find their way back to each other.  He asked the cabbie to stop and paid him off, hoping that he and Brian would be going back to the loft together in the Jeep.



Justin half slid down the slope to the river in his haste to get to Brian.  He could barely make out his back as he sat staring out at the water. When he came up to the bench, he stopped, suddenly unsure what to say or do now that he had found his lover.



"Took you long enough to get here," Brian said.



"What…what do you mean?" Justin asked.  Had Brian been waiting for him all this time?

"I thought you'd figure out where I was … only sooner."

"You wanted me to find you?"


"I always want you to find me."

"Oh, Brian!" Justin gasped and wrapped his arms around Brian half sitting in the man's lap.  "Why did you take off like that?"



"I couldn't talk about that box.  I'm not sure I can even now."



"You don't have to if it's too painful," Justin conceded.



"I may have to take you up on that, even if I want to tell you about it."

"I can wait.  I really didn't mean to snoop.  I found it by accident, just like the sketch."



"I know.  I had almost forgotten that the box was still in the closet.  It's ancient history."

"Can you tell me who he is?" Justin asked.



He saw the pain flash across Brian's face.  "He was someone I knew a long time ago."

"He's beautiful."



"Yes, he was, very beautiful … in some ways."

"I meant physically."

"I know … but there other things besides physical beauty."



"Like what?" Justin asked interested to hear Brian's answer to that question.



"Like truth and strength and integrity."



"Didn't he have those?" Justin asked knowing that these were important traits to Brian and he wouldn't have mentioned them in this context unless they were lacking in that beautiful man.



Justin felt Brian turn his face away.  He tried to make eye contact with the man, but he wouldn't look at him.



"I can't do this now.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to," Brian whispered.



"That's okay," Justin said firmly.  He took Brian's chin and gently forced it around so that Brian had to look at him.  "All you have to do is tell me to butt out. You don't have to run away from me."



"I know that intellectually.  It's just that when something like that takes me by surprise, I have to get away, be alone, think."

"I understand."



"Can we go home now and put that box away until I can deal with it."

"Yes."



Brian took Justin's hand and they climbed up the bank to the Jeep.  "We have come a long way," Brian said giving Justin a kiss on the cheek.



"Yeah, I knew where to find you, and you're coming home with me without a fight."



"And you're not pushing too hard.  You're giving me some space until I'm ready to deal with this."



"I hope you're prepared to fuck the rest of the night away," Justin said.



"That goes without saying," Brian responded.



As it turned out they didn't fuck at all.  They lay in each other's arms, unspoken thoughts and worries heavy between them, but safe in the knowledge that they were together whatever might come.



                                                            -----



For the next week neither mentioned the box or the effect it had had.  Brian went to work and Justin did his shifts at the diner and gallery. The meaning of the contents of the box remained a secret.  However, it hung between them like a huge weight ready to crush them when it finally fell.



Justin had talked to Michael, casually bringing up the name Eamonn.  From Michael's reaction he was pretty sure that he knew nothing about the man or his relationship with Brian.



More disturbing was Lindsay's reaction.  When he had asked her if Brian had known a man named Eamonn, she had turned even paler than normal and said that Justin would have to talk to Brian about that.  She had refused to say anything more about it. Justin didn't like the implication that this was something so serious that it could never be discussed.



During the week Justin carefully studied Brian.  He seemed to have returned to his old self, sarcastic and egotistical, but there was something different too.  Justin would catch him staring off into space when he was supposed to be watching television or working on the computer.  Justin could tell he was in a different place and time at those moments. He wondered if Brian was reliving his experiences with Eamonn.  He was very sorry that he had found that box and made Brian face again whatever had happened with that man. It couldn't have been pleasant from everyone's reaction.



Justin had promised Brian that he would back off and he did his best to keep that promise.  Aside from mentioning the name to Lindsay and Michael he did nothing else. He never brought it up with Brian; instead he hoped that eventually Brian would broach the subject himself.  It seemed that they needed to discuss it before either of them could lay it to rest.



When Friday rolled around Brian told Justin that he wanted to go out when he got home from work.  He said they could go to dinner, then Woody's and eventually Babylon. They didn't go out nearly as much as they used to, so this would make a nice change in their routine.  Justin hoped it would help Brian relax and either forget about that box and its contents or hopefully decide to talk to him about it.



They had a nice dinner, played a bit of pool at Woody's and arrived at Babylon to find Ted and Emmett at the bar.  They said they were meeting Michael and Ben who should be there any time soon. Ted and Emmett seemed really happy together to everyone's amazement, and there was genuine good will that it seemed to be working out for them.



"Hey, Brian!" Michael gushed when he and Ben arrived.  "Good to see you guys out for once."

"Are you implying I'm a stick-in-the-mud?" Brian snorted.  "We just have other things to do."



"Wanna dance?" he asked Brian.



"You're on," Brian said leading the way to the dance floor.

Justin watched them as they started to move together.  He knew that Brian always found solace in being with Michael if he was sad or upset.  Michael gave him such unconditional adoration and support.



"The dynamic duo," Ben said, "just like Rage and Zephyr."



"Yeah," Justin agreed.



"We haven't seen much of you two lately."



"Things have been a little … hectic."

"Hectic?  Are you sure it isn't something else?" Ben asked.


"What do you mean?"



"Michael told me you were asking him about someone named Eamonn."



"Oh?" Justin said not wanting to give away anything more.



"Is this something to do with Brian's past?"

"I … I really can't talk about it," Justin stammered.



"Sure," Ben agreed, "but knowing Brian, it's probably something he should talk about."



"I think so too," Justin admitted staring at Brian on the dance floor.

"Hey, boys!" Emmett said returning from the restroom.  "Did you hear that Tad Benson was in a horrible car accident?  He didn't make it. Dom will be devastated."



Dom was one of the dancers at Babylon.  Justin knew him a bit from his brief stint working there.  Dom and Tad had been together for a few months. "Shit! That's awful," Justin said shocked that someone his age had died.



Just then Brian and Michael came back from the dance floor.  Brian took one look at them all and asked, "Who died?"


Justin blinked.  "Dom's lover, Tad Benson."

"What?" Brian gasped.  "I was kidding."

"I just heard he was in a head-on car crash," Emmett explained.  "Killed instantly."

Justin glanced at Brian and saw a look of torment cross his face.  He had only seen the man look like that once before … in the parking garage when he had tried to help Justin remember the bashing and had relived it himself.


"Come on, Brian," Justin said taking his hand and leading the man away.  "See you later," Justin called to get them out of there without anyone asking questions that Brian would be unable to answer.



"What the hell was that all about?" Justin heard Ted ask as he and Brian made their way out of the club.



"Brian?" Justin said.  The man made no response, just allowed himself to be led out the door and over to the Jeep.  Justin half pushed him into the car and got into the driver's seat. "Brian?" he said again. There was no response.  He started the car and drove as fast as he could to the loft. He knew that Brian was in some kind of crisis and would not want anybody to see him in this state.  He just hoped that he could help the man once they got home. "Brian?" he said once more, again to no response.



Once inside the loft Justin sat Brian down on the couch.  Brian looked almost catatonic making no visible sign that he knew where he was or what had happened.  Justin took Brian's chin in his hand and turned the man's head to face him.



"Brian, look at me," he said softly.  When there was no response, he tilted Brian's head back so that his eyes were level with his and said sternly, "Brian!  Listen to me! Look at me and listen to me!"



Brian's eyes flickered for a moment seeming to recognize Justin.  The man let out a groan, a sound so tortured that it tore Justin to the core.

"Jesus, Brian, what the fuck is going on?"



Arms came up around Justin's chest and he felt Brian hold him in a viselike grip that took his breath away.  He could feel Brian's silent sobs and decided the best thing he could do was to sit silently and hang on for as long as Brian needed to do this.



Justin wasn't sure how long they sat like that, but at some point Brian's body stopped sobbing and he merely clung to the younger man not ready to release him.



Finally Justin said, "Brian, talk to me, please."

He felt Brian's grip relax a little bit and the man let out a long sigh.



"I'm sorry," Brian whispered.  "I don't know why I did that."

"Maybe because you needed to.  Fuck, Brian! Don't lie to me … and to yourself.  Tell me what's going on."

"I just had a bout of temporary insanity.  I'm fine now."

"Don't do this!" Justin shouted.  "You're not fine! Don't shut me out again.  I know I said I wouldn't push, but after what just happened, we have to talk about this."

The pain in Brian's eyes was clearly visible but he stared into Justin's blue ones like he was searching for something only he understood.  Justin waited. Brian hadn't refused to talk and he could wait till the man was ready. He just hoped it would be soon.



Finally Brian sighed and shook his head.  "I don't know if I can do this."

"Brian, I've seen you at your best and your worst and I love you either way, and everything in between.  I was here through what just happened. What makes you think I can't stand whatever you might tell me?"



"That's not what I think, Justin.  I know you're the strongest person I've ever met, and I love you for that.  It's me. I'm afraid if I talk about this, I'll break into a million pieces and nothing will ever put me back together again."



"Now you're really scaring me!" Justin said not sure what to say or do.  "But please tell me. Knowing has got to be better than not knowing … and I think you need to talk about it," Justin said remembering Ben's admonition.



"I need a drink," Brian said.



"I'll get some Beam, but I'm not letting you get too drunk to talk.  I want you to tell me what this is all about." Justin got up and went to the kitchen for a bottle of Beam and a couple of glasses.  He was sure he was going to need a few drinks too before this was all over. "Here," Justin said, handing Brian a glass of the bourbon.  Brian downed it in one gulp and held it out to be refilled. "Take it easy," Justin cautioned, but he did refill the glass.



Brian took a smaller sip and sighed once more.  "Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked Justin.  "There's going to be a huge mess to clean up when I'm finished."



Justin wasn't sure what kind of a mess Brian was talking about, but he prayed he would be able to handle the fallout.  "You keep telling me I'm so strong. I guess we're going to find out if that's true." He gave Brian the best smile he could muster.



"We can still call this off," Brian offered trying to avoid this for both of them.



Justin shook his head.  "Just start," he ordered softly.



Brian began, sipping at his drink to fortify his resolve, "That box in the closet is where we need to start."



"Oh," said Justin, "I thought this was about Tad's death."



"We'll get to that," Brian said.  He polished off what was left in his glass and set it down on the coffee table.  "I'll try to tell you the whole story."



Justin nodded.  He took it as a good sign that Brian had set down his glass and not asked for any more liquor.



"Eamonn," Brian said with a grimace, "was my English professor the last year I was at Penn State.  He taught the romance novels of the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. And if you can believe it, I actually signed up voluntarily for that course.  Does that tell you where my head was back in those days?"

"And your heart too," Justin felt compelled to say.



Brian glanced at him, but chose not to respond to that statement.  "I knew he was gay the first time I walked into his class. My gaydar was pretty good even back then.  Plus, he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He would have been about the age I am now or a little older.  He came from a family that had money, but he loved the academic life. He was a good teacher, not just a professor. I loved his class, and before long I was sure I loved him too."  Brian stared off into space for a minute, remembering.



"After a couple of weeks of his classes, I felt like he had some interest in me too, so I stayed behind after class supposedly to ask him about the significance of Jane fucking Austen in the global scheme of things."  Brian gave a little chuckle, and Justin smiled at him.



"Did you gain some new insight?" Justin asked.



"I don't know about insight, but I had a cock up my ass before the day was over.  I sure learned some things about how to fuck. He was one helluva lover. I was still relatively inexperienced and he taught me so much.  I was so fucking in love with him that I could barely see straight."



Justin grinned at Brian's use of that word.



"We began to spend every minute together that we could manage.  We rarely went out, since our relationship would have been frowned on both because it was homosexual, but also because it was professor-student.  We fell more and more in love during that semester. We declared our undying love for each other and swore to be together forever." Brian grimaced.



Justin remembered all the things in the box that said 'always' and 'forever'.  He was surprised that Brian was admitting his love for this man. He wondered what had happened to their great love.



"Eamonn taught me a lot about sex as I said, but also about culture and clothes and manners.  As you may have figured out, I didn't get much of that from my fucking family. Gradually he began to take me shopping with him and to plays and cultural events away from the university.  As the semester drew to a close, I was applying for jobs all over Pittsburgh. I could hardly wait to graduate, get a job and find an apartment to share with Eamonn. We could build our life together."  Brian sighed.



Justin had never heard Brian talk like this, even about their relationship.  He couldn't help it, but he was jealous, even though he knew he shouldn't be.



"I got a job with the Ryder Agency, and I thought I was on my way.  Eamonn seemed pleased for me, but what I didn't know was that he was seeking a job at UCLA.  He wanted to go to the warmth of California and a more prestigious university. A few days after I graduated, he told me that he had been offered a position at UCLA and he was going to take it."  Brian snorted. "At first, I thought he was joking, but it soon became clear that he was serious. He hadn't even told me about it or asked what I thought before he applied."



"What did you do?" Justin asked.

"I asked him my least favorite question of all time 'What about me?'  Can you guess what he said to me?" Brian asked.



"Something like 'It's your call where you want to be.  You decide.'" Justin parroted Brian's words to him about his own choice between Brian and Ethan.



Brian was surprised at that.  He still regretted how that had turned out and could hardly believe that Justin had reminded him of it.  "No," he said, "nothing like that. He begged me to come with him. He said I could find a job out there and he could support both of us until I found one."



Now Justin was surprised.  That was the opposite of what he had expected.



Brian continued.  "I had just started at Ryder and I really liked it.  I knew it would be much harder to get a job in California, especially with no experience.  I asked him not to go, to turn down the job. He, of course, refused. He really wanted that job.  We tried to reconcile what we could do to make each of us happy. We wanted to be together. Anyway, Eamonn decided to take the job, I decided to stay with Ryder and together we would try to carry on a long distance relationship.  What a fucking disaster that was!"



"What happened?" Justin asked.



"He stayed in Pittsburgh with me till the term began at UCLA, and then he left.  I thought my heart would break in two when he got on that plane, but he had sworn his undying love and so had I.  He had given me all those tokens of his affection that were in the box. They proclaimed our love that would last forever."



"Why did you keep them?" Justin asked.



"To remind me … to remind me that love is a lie and words are lies.  Like I needed fucking proof of that!"



"So what happened?"



"I was here, heartsick and pining away for my great love," Brian said sarcastically.  "Two weeks into the new semester he calls me to say that he's met someone, a teaching assistant, and they have fallen in love."



"Oh, Brian," Justin whispered.  "That must have killed you."

"It almost did.  Then I wanted to kill him, for making me suffer such pain.  Then I wanted to forget. Drugs and alcohol and fucking are good for making you forget … for a split second or two."  Brian's face revealed some of the intense pain he must have felt during that time.



"So he hurt you, but you got over it.  It's done and gone," Justin stated.



"Unfortunately that's not all of the story."



"There's more?"



Brian nodded and Justin caught a glimpse of that same look on his face that he had seen at Babylon and in the parking garage of his prom.  Brian sucked in a breath. "A month or two went by. I'm not really sure how long it was, but a while. The phone rang one night and it was Eamonn.  He sounded kind of messed up himself. I wasn't in much better shape. He told me that he had made a big mistake with his new lover. He realized that he didn't love him; he still loved me."



When Brian paused, Justin asked, "Were you happy that he wanted you back?"



Brian took a long drink from the Beam bottle.  To hell with a glass. Now he was getting to the really shitty part.  "My heart leapt in my throat. I still loved him. You know how first loves are?" Brian said sadly, staring into Justin's blue eyes.  "He begged me to come out there and I almost said I'd go, screw my job and my new apartment. But something stopped me. I asked him how I could be sure he wouldn't find someone else before I got there."



Justin snorted.  "You are a sarcastic son of a bitch, aren't you?"



Brian snorted and let that pass without comment too.  "He swore his eternal love, that nothing or no one would ever come between us again.  I wanted that to be fucking true, but I had those same protestations written on most of the items in that box, and he had already left me once.  I couldn't let him destroy me like that again. I told him he better find someone else. He kept telling me there was no one else for him. I thought he was going to rip me to shreds if I heard that once more from his lips.  Finally I hung up. I had to leave the phone off the hook, because he kept calling back. I changed my phone number to an unlisted one the next day and I didn't hear any more from him for a couple of weeks."



"Did you think it was over?"



"I guess so, but it didn't really feel finished.  Anyway, about two weeks after that I got another phone call from him.  I wanted to know how he got my number, but he wouldn't tell me … never did find out.  He had driven across the country; apparently he'd left his highly sought after job to come back to me.  He was on the outskirts of Pittsburgh at a truck stop. He wanted to know if I was still in the same apartment, because he was on his way to see me.  I told him he should turn around and go back. The whole thing sounded so crazy to me. Even if I still loved him, I wasn't sure I could stand the roller coaster ride.  All the fucking things he said had already turned out to be untrue."



Brian took a long drink from the bottle of Beam.  "I can't …," he moaned.



"Brian, what happened that's so terrible?  Please, tell me."

The haunted look in Brian's eyes turned cold and he said, "All right, but remember that you asked for it."  Another shot of Beam and he began, "So he begged and cried and I wanted him to stop. I wanted him to leave me alone.  I had been in pain, but this made it a hundred times worse. When I couldn't stand it anymore, I told him not to come to the apartment because I wouldn't let him in.  I said he had finished it when he found someone else, and he could always find another fucking someone else. I hung up on him."



"Was that the end of it or did he show up at your place?" Justin asked.



"I waited, half expecting him to arrive at any moment.  I dreaded it, because I truly felt we would destroy each other.  He had hurt me too much. I knew I couldn't trust him anymore. He had lied to me.  Anyway, hours went by and he never came. About two in the morning the downstairs buzzer began ringing.  Someone was leaning on it. I thought it must be him. When I couldn't stand the noise any longer, I pressed the intercom and someone said it was the police."



"The police?" Justin asked.  "Oh, no." Justin dreaded what he would hear next.



"Oh, yes.  They found his car slammed into an abutment on the Interstate.  My name and phone number were on the seat next to him. They had come looking for me to help them get in touch with next of kin."



"He was dead?" Justin asked in a very small voice.



"As a fucking doornail!"



"Brian," Justin whispered, shocked that Brian would talk about the man he had loved like that.



"But you haven't heard the best part, Sunshine.  There were no other cars involved and there were no brake marks.  He offed himself by driving into the fucking concrete wall at eighty miles an hour."



"Shit!" Justin groaned.  He reached for Brian, but the man pushed him away.



"Don't touch me!  Just fucking leave me alone!  Go to your mother's for tonight.  I can't stand being near anybody!"

"But I'm not anybody.  I'm not leaving you," Justin declared.



"I swear, Justin, if you don't go now, I'll fucking leave and I might never come back."



"Brian, don't say that."



"Please …" Brian's voice faltered.  "Please let me lick my wounds alone.  You could come back in the morning," Brian conceded.  "Take the Jeep if you want, but just go!"



Justin was torn.  He wanted to comfort his lover, but Brian was so raw and ripped open right now.  He decided he better do what the man asked. "If I go, will you promise not to do something stupid?" he had to ask.



"I won't off myself like Eamonn, if that's what you're worried about."



"I'll be here early in the morning Justin promised and quietly closed the loft door behind him.  He hoped he was doing the right thing leaving Brian alone.



Brian heard the click of the loft door behind Justin and he started to shake.  He felt cold and miserable and exposed. He hunched into a ball and curled his legs up into a sitting fetal position.  He rocked back and forth and moaned his pain. This was what he didn't want Justin to see – his weakness, his vulnerability and his guilt.  It was too much to bear.



Justin called his mother on his cell phone and asked if he could spend the night.  She had questions, but he begged her not to ask them. He said that he and Brian were all right.  They just needed some space from each other for the night. He would go back to the loft in the morning.  He hoped all these things he said were the truth. He felt cold and scared deep down inside.



                                                                -----



At six in the morning Justin pushed back the door to the loft.  He had spent a mostly sleepless night, although he supposed he had dozed fitfully every now and then.  He had been so worried about Brian. When the first rays of light broke the horizon, he got up and drove back to the loft.  He was very afraid of what he might find.



He closed the door behind him, not seeing any signs of his lover on the couch.  He walked towards the bedroom trying to see through the partitions if Brian was there.  When he reached the steps, he looked at the bed to see Brian staring back at him.



"Surprised to find me in one piece?" Brian asked ruefully.



"Yeah," Justin had to admit.



"Told you I wouldn't kill myself."



"Did you get any sleep?"



"No."



"Me either," Justin admitted.  He noticed a cardboard box sitting on the floor next to the bed.  He was sure it was the one with the remnants of Brian's life with Eamonn contained inside.



"I had enough strength to open the box and look at the contents," Brian said.



"That's good," Justin encouraged him.



"But I couldn't bring myself to touch them."

"Oh," Justin responded.  "Did you want to look at them more closely?"



Brian looked from Justin to the box and then back at the young man's eyes.  "I think so," he said in a barely audible whisper.



"Do you want me to help you?"



"Yes," again barely audible.



Justin walked over to the bed.  He removed his clothes because Brian was naked.



"Going to fuck me first?" Brian asked, breaking the tension a little bit.



"If you want …"



"Let's get this over with first," Brian said pointing to the box.



Justin lifted it up onto the bed and set it between himself and Brian.  "Are you sure you want to do this?" Justin asked.



"No…" Brian said in a small voice, "but let's get it over with."

Justin pulled out the sweater which he had put on top when he repacked the box.  It still felt heavenly. "This is like air," he said handing it to Brian.



Brian touched it tentatively, then took it into his hands and pressed it against his face.  "He gave me this when he was teaching me about style. He had very expensive tastes and a wonderful feel for clothes.  He made me appreciate the finest of things."



Justin smiled at him to encourage him to continue.  He picked up the photo of Eamonn from the box. Brian looked at it but seemed reluctant to touch it.



"I wish I could remember him like that," Brian said.



"Why can't you?" Justin asked.



"The police took me to the morgue to make positive identification of the body.  His face was so smashed up I could hardly tell it was him." He rubbed his fingers across his shell bracelet and closed his eyes.



Justin winced hoping he would never have to do something like that.  "He had beautiful eyes," Justin said.



"Elizabeth Taylor eyes," Brian whispered.



"That's exactly what I thought when I first saw the picture."



Brian tried to give him a little smile but it was more like a twisted grimace.  Justin laid the photo on the bed and took out the watch. He handed it to Brian.



"Did you ever wonder why I never wear a watch?" Brian asked.  When Justin nodded Brian said, "Eamonn was a time freak. He was never late and he hated people who kept him waiting.  He gave me that watch so that I would always be on time if I was meeting him. I don't think I was ever late for him. After … I took it off, and I decided that time wasn't that important to me anymore."



Next Justin lifted out the book.  Brian took it and opened the flap to read the words he knew so well.  He closed it with a snap and dropped it on the bed. "Aren't you going to say anything about it?" Justin asked.



"Why?  It's just another example of his hypocrisy!"



"Oookay," Justin responded.  He pulled out the ID bracelet.  This was the one that really puzzled Justin.  "Did he give you this too?" Justin asked.



"No, I bought that myself with my first paycheck.  I liked it, so I bought it." He was rubbing the shell bracelet again.



"So why is it in the box?" Justin asked.



"When I identified Eamonn's body, they gave me the envelope of his effects.  The bracelet was in it. I had given this to him just after we first met. I got it from a street vendor and debated about whether he would wear it.  He actually liked it which surprised the hell out of me. I gave the rest of his stuff to his parents when they arrived, but I kept the bracelet. When I packed up this box, I dropped my bracelet in and put this one on to remind me never to trust words of love and promises of forever.  I vowed never to be hurt like that again. That's when I decided that I believed in fucking not love. I never loved anyone again … until you."



Justin stared at Brian trying to comprehend what he had just been told.  Finally he said, "He had such a profound effect on your life. It explains so much about you."



"Explains why I'm an asshole and treated you like shit for so long.  I couldn't … no … I wouldn't allow myself to love you. I was too afraid where love led.  I didn't want you to end up like Eamonn."

"And that's why you sent me with Ethan?"



"Yes.  Partly.  I didn't feel that I deserved you.  I might destroy you just like … him.



"You don't still believe that, do you?"



"I … I … I don't know."



"Well, you fucking well better know!" Justin declared.  "I'm not stupid like he was. I let you push me away once, but that will never happen again."



"I love you," Brian whispered.  "It took me so long to say that to you, because all the times I heard it from Eamonn were lies.  It didn't mean anything when the going got tough. I tried to show you I loved you. Actions speak much louder than words."



"I understand that now, but it's still nice to hear the words every now and then."



Suddenly Brian had Justin in his arms.  He swept the box and its painful contents off onto the floor and crushed Justin beneath him.  "I love you," he whispered again, "and I'm going to show you how much."



"I love you too, and if you never said it again, I'd know it was true as long as I had your arms around me."



They spent the night demonstrating with their actions how much they loved each other.  Neither said the "L" word again that night, but each knew to the core of their being that they were showing the other one the strength and integrity and truth of their earlier declarations.