Chapter 1

 

“You look like shit,” Justin stated matter-of-factly as he looked at Brian's pale form being displayed on his laptop screen.

 

“Gee, Sunshine. I can always rely on you for some loving, caring words,” Brian snarked as he tried to look unimpressed by Justin's words.

 

“Are you still not feeling any better? This doesn't sound like a simple stomach bug, Brian. You've been vomiting and feeling like shit for what feels like at least two or three days now.” Justin suddenly gasped and a hand flew to his mouth. “You don't think...,” he started, but then didn't continue when he saw the thunderous look on Brian's face.

 

They had been video-chatting at least three times a week for the last eleven weeks since Justin had moved to New York to work on his career. Even though they had cancelled their wedding, they had still agreed to stay a couple and keep their relationship going. They knew that a long-distance relationship wouldn't be easy on either of them, but neither of them was ready to let go of what they had established as a new status quo after the bombing of Babylon. 

Brian had finally admitted his feelings to Justin and had even wanted to marry him. In the end that wedding had fallen through for various reasons, but none of those reasons had been a lack of love between them. Justin knew without a doubt that Brian loved him and he also knew that Brian knew how much he loved him.

 

Looking at his pale lover on his laptop screen, he couldn't help but get worried. Brian had suffered from some kind of stomach bug for days now. He was vomiting a lot, seemingly losing weight because he was losing every food he took in shortly after. And yet, looking at his image now on the screen, it looked like Brian was putting on weight around his midsection. Not that he was getting fat, god forbid, that would never happen to Brian Kinney, but he sure as hell seemed to have put on a pound or two around his middle section while the rest of his features seemed gaunt and exhausted.

 

“Are you putting on weight? How is that possible? With all the throwing up you're doing, you should be losing weight, not gaining weight,” Justin pointed out and frowned at Brian. “How can you look gaunt in your face, but your midsection looks like you gained a pound or two?”

 

“What can I say? I am not getting the workout I am used to anymore,” Brian said quietly and Justin saw the longing in the man's eyes. Brian might not tell him that he missed him, Brian wouldn't do that because they both knew that would only get Justin on the next flight back to Pittsburgh, but as the author of the Kinney Operating Manual, Justin knew very well that this was as much an admission of Brian missing him as he was going to get.

 

“While I totally agree with your argument there, that doesn't make any sense,” Justin went on seriously. “How can you throw up several times a day, yet gain weight at the same time?”

“I am sure you've already come up with a diagnosis, Dr. Taylor, haven't you?”

“Brian... Don't mock me. I am just worried. I know you don't want to hear this, but... what if it's the cancer... What if it has come back and now you have a tumor growing inside of you?”

Justin hated having this conversation via video-chat and not in person, but he figured if they had this conversation in person, Brian would probably already have kicked his ass out of the door. To be honest, he was surprised that Brian hadn't already ended their video-chat. Brian hated to be reminded of the time he had had cancer and he hated to be reminded of what he considered to be a time of weakness and of not being perfect anymore.

 

“I told you that the last check-up didn't show anything,” Brian said calmly, surprising both him and Justin with the calmness of his voice. Brian sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “I am sure that whatever this is, is probably just a really resilient virus or something. There is a stomach flu going around at the office at the moment, I probably just caught it from someone. You know that the doc said there was no reason to worry unnecessarily and that the prognosis was more than good.”

Brian's voice had taken on an almost gentle tone and Justin knew immediately that it was there to calm him. He knew that Brian could see and feel and hear in his voice how Justin was close to working himself into a real state over the cancer possibly returning and neither of them wanted to deal with that while they were apart. So trying to avoid that full blown panic attack by his lover, Brian tried to calm the younger man down, making himself sound way more confident than he actually felt.

 

If he was honest with himself, he was scared as well. He agreed with Justin, it wasn't normal to throw up for weeks on end, not that Justin knew that it had already been weeks. Justin had only been aware of his throwing up going on for a few days now and still gain weight at the same time. He had noticed the slight roundness to his lower abdomen and had no idea where it had been coming from when he had pretty much thrown up every meal he had consumed in recent weeks.

 

“I just worry, Brian,” Justin whispered and he saw how Brian's features immediately softened. 

“Don't, there's nothing you can do and you're only working yourself up into a panic when you should be concentrating on your art. Your mom told me you have a meeting with a possible agent in two days,” Brian changed the topic and for a moment he saw Justin's eyes light up and he knew the young man was about to start on one of his hour long explanations of how great it would be to have an agent representing him, but at the last moment he seemed to stop himself and raised an eyebrow at Brian.

 

“Nice try. Don't change the topic on me,” he told his older partner instead and couldn't help but smile when he saw an expression on the man's face that said 'Busted!'.

 

“Sunshine, you'll be happy to know that I have an appointment with the doc tomorrow afternoon, so he can check out this stomach virus and do something about it,” Brian sighed, when he realised that there was no distracting Justin that evening.

 

“Tomorrow?”

“Yep, tomorrow. So hopefully by tomorrow evening you'll be my fun Sunshine again and we can spend our precious video-chat time with more important things than the things coming out of my body,” Brian winked and was relieved when this time Justin fell for his distraction.

 

“I love the things coming out of your body,” the blond confessed with one of his sunshine smiles and in a sultry voice.

 

“Care to see something come out of my body right now?” Brian asked as he moved the camera on his computer further down so it was pointed at his crotch where he had slowly started stroking his half-erect cock.

 

“I could be persuaded,” Justin winked as his own hand wandered down his chest and stomach, further down to his own cock which had jumped to full attention when Brian had started his little show.

 

Video-chat sex was nowhere near as good as the real thing, but for the times when they were apart it was the best they could do and they had surely made the most of their various video-chat sessions these last few weeks since Justin had left Pittsburgh for New York.

 

After twenty minutes of heavy panting, stroking, touching and dirty talk, both Brian and Justin had come and were now trying to come down from the euphoric high only an orgasm could bring.

 

“I hate to break this lovely evening entertainment up, but I am really knackered and I have an important meeting with Remson tomorrow morning. Speak to you soon?” Brian asked as he tried to hide the reluctance in his eyes to end this call. He didn't want to stop talking to Justin, he wanted to spend more time with him, but ever since he had started suffering from this stomach bug, he had been constantly tired. Maybe Ted had been right when he had teased him two weeks ago, maybe age was finally catching up with Brian Kinney just like it did with the rest of humankind.

 

Justin only nodded, looking at Brian from understanding eyes. “Call me tomorrow when you're done at the doctor's?”

 

“I will,” Brian whispered, before adding a quiet. “Later.”

 

After Justin had returned the sentiment, Brian ended the video-chat and moved into his bedroom, getting ready for another lonely night alone in his bed.

 

Chapter 2

 

“Can you hear this, Brian? This is the heartbeat,” the doctor announced, beaming at Brian as if he was the one expecting a baby.

 

Expecting a baby, Brian still could not wrap his head around that news. How was that even possible? The only person who had ever gotten close to his ass was hundreds of miles away in New York and the last time he had gotten close to said ass, he had definitely worn a condom. As he had every time when he'd been buried deep inside that ass. And Brian knew pretty damn well that Justin knew how to use condoms. So how was this possible?

 

The doctor had run some tests, but had said that they probably didn't need them anyway as he had a feeling what could be wrong after Brian had started to describe his symptoms. He had asked a lot of questions about Brian's sex life and when he'd last been topped by a partner and at first Brian had thought that maybe he had gotten infected with some weird kind of STD. But that didn't really seem possible to him, because the only person he had been fucked by, and that seemed to be what the doctor was trying to reach for when he asked him again and again about the last time he had been topped, was Justin and Justin didn't seem to be suffering any of the symptoms Brian had.

The doctor had taken a blood sample, had run some other tests and in the end had asked Brian to lie down for an ultrasound. When he had looked at the screen and had started to smile and then announced, that his suspicions had been confirmed, the ad exec had been ready to punch him.

 

“What suspicions, doc?” He had asked impatiently and had glared at him for good measure.

 

The doctor had then pointed to a slightly darker image on the ultrasound and Brian was seriously wondering how anyone could ever make out anything on those images. Everything just looked blurry to him and he was damned annoyed because he still had no idea what the doctor was talking about. And then his reply had taken away Brian's breath.

“Congratulations, Brian. You're almost three months pregnant.”

 

The man's eyes had nearly bulged out of his head at that point and he had sat up angrily, snarking at the still smiling doctor.

 

“Not funny, doc. So what is really going on?”

“As I said, you're pregnant, Brian. The throwing up and fatigue you were experiencing are all symptoms of your pregnancy. Judging by what you told me about your sexual practices, I think we can safely assume that you're almost 12 weeks pregnant.”

 

“That is not possible,” Brian had just grunted out and glared at the doctor once more.

 

“Brian, I am sure you know that about 20% of men have the ability to carry children and from the looks of it, I'd say it's a safe bet that you're one of them,” the doctor had started only to be interrupted by his patient.

 

“No, it's just not possible. No way!”

 

“Brian, have you never been tested as a teenager? Most gay men have the test done before they start interacting in sexual intercourse.”

“I know and I did and... I know I can carry children, but... we always... it's not possible. We always used protection,” Brian had stuttered, looking at the screen next to the doctor once more, trying to wrap his head around what the doctor was telling him.

 

“Condoms?” The doctor had asked and when Brian had nodded, he had just nodded as well as if to confirm something in his mind.

“Brian, condoms only prevent pregnancies in 98% of the cases. You're one of the lucky ones in the 2% that got pregnant anyway,” the doctor had then explained to the still shell-shocked man.

 

“Yeah, aren't I a lucky one,” Brian had snarked and turned his glare from the screen to the doctor.

 

“Brian, we'll have to talk about your choices here. As you're already very close to entering your second trimester, you'll need to make a decision today or tomorrow at the latest.”

“A decision?” Brian had frowned and raised an eyebrow in question. “What kind of decision?”

“If you want to keep the baby. I am getting the impression here that you're not really happy about this pregnancy and if it's your wish to terminate it, we'll have to act quickly. Male pregnancies can only be terminated until the 12th week as per law.”

 

“Terminate the pregnancy? You mean, getting an abortion?” Brian had asked then and if the doctor had been thinking that Brian had glared at him before, he had had no idea what had hit him now. “I will not abort this baby. Fuck off!” Brian had been nearly yelling and the doctor had held up his hands in defense.

 

“You seemed like you didn't want the baby.”

“Ever heard of something called shock, Doc? I didn't expect to be told that I was carrying a baby. Excuse me for needing a minute or two to wrap my head around that news.”

 

Brian had turned his attention back to the screen then and had looked at what could only be described as a small, greyish, blackish version of a baby on the screen. That small blob would turn into a baby within the next six months and then he'd be a father. He and Justin would be fathers.

 

“Shit,” Brian had thought as his mind had wandered to Justin. There was no doubt that Justin was the father of their baby, but he had just moved to New York, he had just started focusing on his career. A baby would certainly mess with that. They would have to talk about what a baby meant, they would have to agree on a solution together. But no matter how that conversation would end, there was one thing Brian was absolutely sure about: He would not terminate this pregnancy. He would not have an abortion and get rid of his baby.

No, he certainly hadn't planned on ever becoming pregnant even though he had known that he was one of the men who could carry babies. That information however had never mattered to him as he had been an ultimate top and he had done all the fucking. Until Justin had come around... But on the few occasions Justin had topped him, they had always used protection. He had made sure about that, so he had never even entertained the thought of having a baby on his own. He had Gus and that was as far as his parental planning for his life had gone. Until now. Planned or not planned, there was no way he would get rid of this baby. He had grown up, always being reminded by his parents how they should have aborted him, how they should have gotten rid of him when they still had had the chance. It had hurt to know that he had been unwanted and unloved and on a level deep down, he was sure that his fucked up parents and the shit childhood he had had thanks to them were to thank for many of his emotional issues even to this day and even though the thought of being a parent full-time scared him shitless, he knew one thing for sure: He would not get rid of his baby. This human being growing inside of him deserved to be loved and had a right to happiness just as he had had when he had been born. He would not turn into his parents and punish an unborn child for him and Justin not having been careful enough when they had fucked. He just wouldn't do that. He wasn't sure he could even if he wanted to. Just hearing the doctor mention that abortion had already pulled at his heartstrings and had made him feel queasy in his stomach.

He had only found out about being pregnant two minutes ago, but it had felt as if he had already had a connection to that baby growing inside of him. Which had made him feel all kinds of lesbionic the more he thought about it and he had been sure he had been just imagining it, really. Damn, it was probably just hormones messing with him. Isn't that what hormones did when you were pregnant? Jeez, pregnant. He was pregnant. He would have a baby! He and Justin would be fathers to a small, innocent baby. Shit, he wondered if they were ready for their lives changing that much? Because of that he was sure: Their lives would definitely change.

 

Brian had shaken his head when he had realised that the doctor was talking to him and he had been lost in his own thoughts. He had focused on the man sitting opposite him and tried to clear his mind. “What did you say?”

“Do you want to listen to the heartbeat, Brian? At this stage we should already have a nice, strong heartbeat that you can listen to,” the doctor had informed him and all Brian had been able to do was nod at him.

 

“Already?” Brian had frowned and tried to think back to Lindsay's pregnancy with Gus. Damn, he should have paid more attention when she had been pregnant with his sonny boy, but at the time he hadn't expected to be anything more than the sperm donor and he hadn't been interested in any pregnancy details at all. However, he remembered a lot of ramblings and conversations at Debbie's sunday family dinners and he was pretty sure that hearing a heartbeat had only been mentioned later on in her pregnancy. They definitely hadn't mentioned anything about it after the first ultrasound.

 

“Normally a heartbeat can be detected starting from six weeks,” the doctor had informed him. “In many cases with women, they miss a period and get suspicious that they might be pregnant and then we can't always hear a heartbeat yet when they come in for the first ultrasound, but with men it usually takes longer to find out about a pregnancy as there are no obvious signs like a missed period, so for most men we can already hear a heartbeat for the first ultrasound,” the doctor had gone on explaining as if hearing the unasked question on Brian's mind.

“Lie back down, Brian,” the doctor had then guided his patient and Brian had done as he had been told.

 

Once he had been lying again, the doctor had applied some new gel onto his lower abdomen and had once more started pointing out where the baby was visible.

 

“Here you can see the head and there we have the legs. Look at that, two legs and two arms. Looks very good,” the doctor had pointed out the baby's limbs to Brian on the screen. “The baby seems to be developing well for 11 weeks and everything looks normal, Brian.”

Brian didn't know why, but for some reason that had calmed him down considerably. As he still tried to absorb the fact that he was pregnant, something else came to his mind. “Shit,” he had suddenly exclaimed and had gone in a near panic when the doctor had turned to look at him curiously. “I... I-I've been drinking. I... obviously I didn't know I was pregnant and... I drank.”

 

The doctor had frowned and looked at Brian closely. “Did you drink heavily?”

“A bottle of beer here and then and maybe a shot of Beam every once in a while. Oh god... Have I harmed the baby?” Brian's voice had taken on a considerable edge and the doctor had immediately tried to calm his patient down.

“Brian... it's too early at this stage to determine any possible damage due to alcohol intake, but from what I can see everything looks normal so far. The baby is developing just as it should and the heartbeat is strong. Do you want to hear it?” The doctor had hoped that hearing the strong heartbeat would calm his patient down.

 

When Brian had nodded, the doctor had turned on the sound and a steady thump thump filled the room. That was where Brian found himself now. “That's... the baby?” Brian asked in obvious wonderment as he heard the sound and saw it matching what looked like breathing motions on the ultrasound screen.

 

“Yes, that's your baby. And everything looks and sounds good so far. Don't drive yourself crazy worrying, Brian. I won't lie to you. It's not optimal that you've been drinking, but at this point we can only hope for the best and be optimistic that everything is alright.”

Brian nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving the screen, for the first time feeling glad that he hadn't really returned to his former lifestyle of partying and drinking and tricking. After Justin had left for New York, Mikey had urged him to rebuild Babylon and had asked him out several times, but even though Michael seemed more than eager to see the return of the Stud of Liberty Avenue, Brian had felt differently. To him being the Stud was part of a former life. That wasn't him anymore. Now his life was Justin, Gus and his companies. Between Kinnetik and Babylon he was so busy, he was glad to find the time to get a decent night's sleep. He knew that every time they went to Babylon Michael thought he was tricking as he had been before, but what Michael didn't seem to want to listen to was Brian's explanations of how he spent most of his time up in the office checking that everything was running smoothly. Once Michael had waved his explanation off with a simple: “You do that during the day, I know that. And what would you have Ted for if not that?” and he hadn't listened to what Brian had said when he had explained that both he and Ted were busy with Kinnetik during the day and that only left the nights to take care of Babylon. They both knew that wasn't perfect and Ted had already started looking for a manager to take over the reigns of Babylon. But as long as he was still looking, most of Brian's visits to Babylon had him end up in the office taking care of paperwork. For the first time in weeks Brian was glad about that because that paperwork had meant that he hadn't gotten drunk like a fish, but had stayed mostly sober to be focused on business aspects.

 

The doctor reached for a clipboard and made some notes. He then turned to Brian with enquiring eyes. “Are you still smoking?”

 

Brian shook his head. “Stopped when I got cancer,” he just said and the doctor nodded.

 

“How often do you have sex?”

 

“Not as often as I'd like,” Brian snarked, but gave an honest answer when the doctor merely raised an eyebrow. “About once a week.”

 

Knowing what was good for him, the doctor stayed quiet and didn't comment on that number. Who would have thought that the mighty Stud of Liberty Avenue only had sex about once a week nowadays. Then again, who would have thought that he would turn up pregnant? What was the world coming to?

“Are you masturbating?”

Brian just gave him an expression that said “Duh!”

 

“You need to be careful with your sexual encounters from now on. If somebody has intercourse with you and penetrates you, they'll need to be careful.”

 

“Are you scared the baby will be poked in the eye by a dick?” Brian asked in amusement, but his mood sobered when the doctor only nodded grimly.

“Something like that.”

 

“Jeez...,” Brian muttered, but then looked back at the screen and listened to the strong heartbeat filling the room. He would be able to do this. They would be able to do this. He and Justin. And it wasn't like anyone else was topping him anyway and as of now Justin was still far away in New York.

 

“I want to see you again in 8 weeks if nothing unforeseen happens. We'll have an ultrasound at around 20 weeks then. If everything goes well, we should be able to determine a gender then. You and your partner might want to see if you want to know the gender of your child or not.”

 

Brian only nodded as he started dressing himself again.

“I have printed some images from the ultrasound for you. You can pick them up at the front desk when you make the next appointment. If you experience any discomfort or anything you don't feel comfortable with, don't hesitate to contact me. Male pregnancies are still a lot less common than female pregnancies and there is still some kind of stigma attached to them,” the doctor announced and then got up. He held out his hand to Brian, who shook it, still in a slight daze about everything he had been told.

 

“My assistant will have prepared a pack of brochures and information about male pregnancies for you. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact me, you hear me? Congratulations, Brian!”

 

The doctor then led Brian out of the room to the reception area where his assistant had already prepared the pack of brochures for Brian and handed him an envelope which held the ultrasound images of his baby. His baby. Damn, he still couldn't believe that he was pregnant even though he had seen the images and heard the heartbeat of his baby.

 

 

Chapter 3

 

Brian barely looked up from his place on his sofa when the phone in his loft rang again and the voicemail started. Even before he could hear a voice on the answering machine, he knew who would be on the other end.

 

He sighed when his guess was confirmed and he heard Justin's voice leaving a message on the machine. The sixth message in the last two hours. Not even counting the 4 messages on his cell phone and the 8 text messages the blond had sent him in the last four hours.

 

“Hey, Brian. It's me again. Just let me know how it went at the doctor's, okay? Whatever it is, we'll figure it out.”

 

Brian could hear a deep sigh from the younger man. “I know that you're ignoring me. Don't worry, I got the idea, but... I am just worried and... I just need to know that you're okay... Please, Brian.”

 

The last two words had nearly been begged before Justin hung up.

Brian felt like the asshole that he knew he was and he felt guilty for not picking up the phone, but at the moment he just couldn't talk to the younger man. He needed some time to wrap his head around what the doctor had told him and needed time to accept that he was going to be a father again. And not only that, he was carrying the child. His whole life had changed in the one moment the doctor had needed to announce the pregnancy, but he just needed a bit more time to accept that.

 

Brian ran his hand through his hair and then leaned forward, picking up one of the ultrasound images that he had left on the coffee table earlier. There was no doubt, that was indeed a baby. He could see the head, the body, two arms and two legs. He had a baby growing inside of him and would be a father. Again.

Realistically, Brian had thought that Gus would be his only child, even though he might have agreed at one point to have a child with Justin. Who knew, maybe in ten years down the line he would have finally been ready for that commitment, but even then he would have bet all his money that he would never be pregnant in his life.

 

Damn, he had all but forgotten about the fact that he could even get pregnant. Of course he had had the test done when he was a teenager. Debbie had sent him and Michael to the doctor and had insisted, like the good, proud gay mom of the year that she was, but even then Brian had only done it to placate her and because he had felt like he owed her, not because it was something that mattered to him. Even then he had known that he was a top and he had already started working on his reputation and had been on the way to establish himself as the top to top all tops. When the doctor had informed him that he was able to get pregnant, he had just stored that information in a dark corner of his brain and had moved on. There was no way in hell he was ever going to bottom for anyone, so it didn't matter.

 

Until Justin. Damn, Justin. Brian knew that the twat would be ecstatic. As soon as Brian informed him, he'd probably be on his way back to Pittsburgh, claiming that he had already missed more than enough of Brian's pregnancy and then... then what? Brian tried to imagine what their life would turn into then. Would they move to Britin and become all domesticated? Would they be the imitation of a hetero couple that he had always blamed Michael and Ben of trying to be? Would he become all lesbionic and lose what made him him when he tried to adapt to a life as a family man? God, that thought nearly made him vomit once more. Family Man. Brian Kinney was a lot of things, but family man was clearly not one of them.

 

Damn, he was hardly more than a drop in Dad to Gus, even though he was trying to work on that and was trying to let his sonny boy know that he loved him and would always be there for him even though they were living in different countries. He tried to fly to Toronto at least once a month and made a point of calling Gus twice a week to let him know that his Daddy hadn't forgotten about him even though he might not be in the same city anymore and even though everyone would probably just scoff at him for his way of thinking, he had to admit that he enjoyed being a father more than he had expected. But... that was being a father to a child that lived with his two moms in another city, hell, even another country.

Being a father to a child that would be with him and Justin 24/7 would be a completely different experience and as much as he enjoyed being Gus's Daddy, he wasn't sure that was something he wanted. Not now, not at this point in their lives.

 

Kinnetik was on its way to becoming one of the top ad agencies on the east coast and they had been attracting bigger and bigger accounts recently. He had had to hire two new ad execs just to be able to stay on top of all the work they needed to do. Brian was proud of what the company had achieved since he had started it and he was kind of curious and excited to see where the path would go. If he was honest with himself, he had been thinking about expansion. Maybe one day Kinnetik would do well enough and would be big enough to get an office in New York.

 

That had been on his mind for several weeks now and not only because New York had always been a dream of his and he had always wanted to conquer the ad agencies on Madison Avenue, but mostly because New York was where his twat was. He missed Justin, more than he cared to admit to himself and his partner even though he had agreed with their friends that New York was where Justin needed to be. The lad was talented, not only talented, he was a genius really. And New York was the centre of the art world, at least for the US. If Justin wanted to make a name for himself, he needed to be in New York. Brian had accepted that and even though it had hurt more than he had expected and more than he had ever admitted to anyone, he had let Justin go to fulfill his dream of an art career. It wasn't fair to expect from your partner that they sacrificed their goals in life just to be with you. He had known that for a long time and even though Justin had fought against it at first, had disagreed with him in the beginning, he had left for New York in the end. Because even a stubborn twink like him had to accept how life worked: Your dream doesn't just come to your door and wait for you, you need to go out and chase it. You need to work for it.

 

Brian sighed, wishing he could have a shot of something. Preferably Beam. But that was out of the question. Once again it all came down to the 12 years difference in their age. They were just at different points in their lives. Brian had already established a career for himself, owned two companies and was a successful business man. He was, by all means, ready to settle down and start a family. But Justin? The lad hadn't even finished college yet. Hadn't made a name for himself yet. Was just about to start his career. Brian couldn't take that away from him, could he? The chance to get the career he deserved, the chance to cash in on this amazing talent that he had been given and that he had worked so hard to get back after the prom. Who was he to take that away by forcing him into a life he wasn't ready for? That thought and the answer to that – no one, he was no one to demand that – had made him let go of Justin when he had decided to chase his dream in New York.

 

Could he go and destroy that now? Yes, Justin had agreed to marry him and had agreed to move to Britin with him, but... just because someone said they were ready to do something didn't mean they really were. Justin wouldn't have known all the things he would have missed out on and would probably have always second guessed the life they would have had. He would have always asked himself if this was all life had to offer: Becoming Brian Kinney's glorified boy toy and giving up all his artistic dreams for a family they hadn't even planned and had never really talked about.

 

Yes, Justin had always said that he wanted the marriage, the house and one day a family, but whenever he had mentioned it, that had been: One day. Definitely not now. Now he was at another point in his life, yet Brian knew without a doubt that his partner would leave behind New York in a heartbeat to be at his side. Could Brian accept that? Could he accept that Justin would give up his dream and be trapped in a family they hadn't even agreed on having?

All these thoughts were giving Brian a headache and he slowly got up from the sofa and moved to the large windows, looking out at the skyline of Pittsburgh. He thought some more about Justin and how he would probably react to the news of them having a baby and one thought always came back to Brian's mind: You can't make him give up his dream.

 

Brian's right hand wandered down his stomach to his lower abdomen and absentmindedly stroked the small belly that he was having. 'What are we going to do?' he thought to himself. He didn't even notice that he was gently stroking his belly and just stared out of his windows, feeling more and more depressed as his mind came back to the same conclusion over and over again, no matter from what angle he looked at their problem: He couldn't let Justin throw away his dream. One day Justin would hate him for it.

Yes, Justin might tell him that he wanted a family more than a career, but Justin had also told him once years ago that he knew what to expect from Brian and what Brian could give him and yet he had left Brian again merely two years later when he hadn't been happy and had expected more. What if Justin was fine with a family and a life together now, but wouldn't be in a few years? Then it wouldn't only be his heart breaking, but their child's as well. Brian didn't think he could do that to an innocent child. No child deserved to grow up in a torn home. He had seen Lindsey, Melanie and Michael fight over JR after she had been born and he couldn't bear the thought of that one day being him and Justin fighting over their child. If they were going to do this, they needed to make it work, of that Brian was absolutely sure, but he wasn't sure if they could.

 

They loved each other, that was obvious to both of them and they both knew of the depth of love the other had for them, but sometimes love wasn't enough. And this time a child would be hurt as a result.

 

After thinking some more and listening to two more calls from Justin, Brian decided to call it a night and get into bed. He needed to rest his head, all this thinking was giving him a headache. Lying down, Brian pulled the covers up to his chest and turned his head towards the windows once more.

 

What could he do? Abort the baby like the doctor had suggested? Get rid of it and be done with it? That would clearly solve all the problems he and Justin were facing, but something deep inside of him made his stomach lurch at the mere thought of getting rid of a life that he and Justin had created. A life that would be a mixture of the two of them. It wasn't that he was against abortion per se, he was too liberal and was all pro choice, but now that he was confronted with the choice, he wasn't sure if he could make it.

 

He might have only known about being pregnant for five hours, yet he already felt like he needed to protect the life that was growing inside of him. It was ridiculous, lesbionic really, but he felt a responsibility to the baby that was depending on him to ensure it would have a good life. This baby was not at fault for him and Justin messing up and he would not punish it for their mistakes. As he had already told the doctor that afternoon, abortion was not an option. He would have the baby and he would figure out what to do about his and Justin's relationship. For once in his life he would do the adult thing and would take responsibility for his actions. They had fucked up, now they could deal with it. And they would. With that thought in his mind, Brian fell into a fitful sleep.

 

 

“Fuck off and leave me the fuck alone!” Justin yelled at Brian before he slammed the door and left the house.

Brian followed the younger man, but stopped at the door when his eyes travelled up the stairs and he saw a small figure standing at the top of the stairs, looking at him from scared, sad eyes. “Daddy? Why is Papa yelling?”

 

Brian was torn between following his angry husband and taking care of his scared child, but in the end the need to take care of his child won. “Don't worry, it's alright. We were just disagreeing about something. Let me take you back to bed,” he said gently as he made his way up the stairs and took the child's hand, leading the child back to what had to be the bedroom.

 

He lay down on the bed next to his child and ran his hand through the blond mop of hair on the child's head, looking into the sad blue eyes that reminded him so much of Justin's. “Go back to sleep, baby. Everything is alright. I promise.”

 

The child eyed him warily, as if not sure that his words could be trusted, but in the end tiredness won and the child went back to sleep. Brian stayed at the child's side for a while longer before he got up from the bed and left the room.

 

He sighed as he thought about where his husband could be, knowing that there were only two choices. He was either at the local bar getting drunk again like he had every evening for weeks or he might be hiding away in the garage. Brian decided to try the garage and if that wasn't successful he'd try and call Daphne, asking her to check at the bar. He couldn't leave his child alone in the house to run after his wayward blond.

 

Quietly making his way down to the garage, Brian didn't know if he should be feeling relieved or not that he found his partner there. Once again Justin was sitting in his usual spot, looking at the boxes which Brian knew held his art supplies. They had been in there for years now.

 

“What about fuck off don't you understand, Brian?” Justin spat at him as he turned around and glared at the older man. He had to have heard Brian make his way over.

 

“I just want to make sure that you're okay,” Brian said quietly.

 

“Oh, I am just fine. Peachy. Absolutely fabulous,” Justin replied in a voice drenched in sarcasm.

 

“Cut out the bullshit, Sunshine. You haven't been fine in a long time. How about you tell me what's making you act this immature?” Brian gave back, feeling just as angry as Justin sounded.

 

“Immature? That's incredible coming from you. You think just because you carried a child and delivered it you're all grown up now?”

 

“At least I am not the one getting drunk every night and leaving my kid alone at home. Whatever that might make me, it at least makes me more grown up than you,” Brian almost yelled.

 

“Yadda, yadda, yadda. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit,” Justin exclaimed.

 

“What is your fucking problem?”

 

“What my problem is? You are my problem! That child is my problem! The fact that I have no life of my own is my problem! Happy now?”

 

Brian's eyes widened and he felt each of Justin's words like a stab to his heart. “You don't mean that.”

“Oh, believe me, Brian, I have never meant anything more. I hate you. I fucking hate you!” Justin yelled at him, angrily throwing over the boxes which held his art supplies. Very expensive art supplies.

“Justin, don't. You're destroying everything.”

“What does it matter? It's not like I'll ever need any of this. You made sure of that,” the young man yelled as he trashed more boxes.

 

“I... what? I didn't do any such thing,” Brian tried to defend himself and was taken aback by the hatred he saw in the younger man's eyes when he turned around and faced him.

 

“You forced me to live a life I have never wanted. You forced me to become your little housewife, taking care of your house, your child, your car, your horses, yours, yours, yours... Everything is yours. You made sure of that!”

 

“Ours, Justin. This belongs to us,” Brian started, but was immediately interrupted by the angry young man.

 

“No, it doesn't. It's all yours. We're living the life you're paying for us to live because you made damn sure that I would be dependent on you for the rest of my life, that I would never be able to live the life I wanted because I would always be dependent on your money and your generosity.”

 

“Justin, I... I have never...”

 

“You took away my chance at a career when you forced me to come back because you were pregnant and what have I done since then? I've become your glorified housewife. Your convenient fuck at night when you remember that your dick needs a hole to sink into. Fuck you, Brian! Fuck you for taking away my life! You could have saved yourself and me a lot of time and pain if you had just let Hobbs finish the job in the first place.”

 

Brian woke up with a start, his forehead drenched in sweat, his sheets twisted around him in a complete mess. He was panting and his heart was beating way too fast. It had been a nightmare, he knew that. Rationally it had only been a dream that his subconscious had produced because of the thoughts running through his head all day, but the more Brian thought about the nightmare, the more he calmed down and could think clearly again, he knew that it wasn't just a nightmare. This could very well be his and Justin's future if he wasn't careful and he couldn't allow that. Justin didn't deserve that. Justin only deserved the best in life and if that meant that Brian would have to do what he had dreaded doing ever since the doctor had told him about the pregnancy, then so be it. He would not make Justin dependent on him and he would not take away Justin's chance at the future he had envisioned for himself when he had left for New York. Brian would not force him to sacrifice his own dreams just because they had made a mistake once. He would not allow that!

 

Finally having come to a decision, however painful it might be, Brian slowly sank back down into his pillow and curled up into a ball, trying to shield himself from the pain he felt spreading from his heart to every fibre of his whole being.

 

 

Chapter 4

 

 

Brian opened his loft door and sighed when he heard an angry “Fuck you!” muttered on his answering machine before the callee hung up. Even if he hadn't recognized that voice right away, he would have known without a doubt that the call had been from Justin.

 

It had been four days since they had last talked to each other and ever since that fateful night three nights ago when Brian had made his decision of not including Justin in this pregnancy of his, he had ignored all attempts by Justin to contact him. He had ignored all his calls, messages on his answering machine, all his emails and chat messages.

 

At first Justin had only sounded concerned and had wanted to know if he was alright, but with time his worry had turned into anger and Brian knew that Justin had to have figured out by now that he had been pushed off yet another Kinney cliff. All messages from the day before had been angry and had accused Brian of being an asshole and Brian had listened to them all and had silently taken it all in because he knew that in the end Justin was right. He was an asshole.

 

What Justin didn't know however was that Brian was only doing this for his own good. The more he had come to terms with his pregnancy and had accepted that he would be a father in about six months time, the more he had started to wish that there was a way that he and Justin could raise their child together. He loved the twat and he knew that Justin was great with kids. Gus adored Justin and had from day one. And Brian was sure that Justin would be great with their kid as well. More than once he had been swaying in his decision and had wanted to pick up his phone and call his lover and tell him what was going on, but every time he had started dialling his dream from three nights ago came back to him and all he could see was a Justin whose eyes were filled with hatred for him and who was accusing him of having stolen his life from him by forcing him into a life he wasn't ready for.

 

Seeing that image of Justin in his mind's eye nearly drove him mad with despair. He wanted Justin so much and he wanted to tell him more than anything that they would have a baby together and he wanted nothing more than to raise their child together with the man he loved, but not if the price for that was Justin hating him and their kid one day. Brian knew that he wouldn't be able to deal with Justin hating their child and hating him. Being apart from his younger lover was already hard enough, but at least they had always still communicated and gotten along as something akin to acquaintances whenever they had been apart before. The prospect of not having that, having Justin hate him, that was something Brian couldn't deal with. So he had always hung up again at the last moment before the call connected and whenever he felt his resolve weaken, he just had to think back to Justin's face in that dream and he knew that he was doing the right thing for the younger man. No matter how much it might hurt himself.

 

And it did hurt – there was no question about that. Brian had barely been functioning at work and had directed a lot of his workload to Cynthia and Ted, claiming that he was still suffering from the stomach virus everyone thought he had. In the end he had left the office early every day in the last three days and had then driven around in his car for hours, no real destination in mind. He just didn't want to go home because everything in the loft reminded him of the blond he was so desperately trying to push from his mind.

 

If he was honest with himself, Brian knew that he was being naive if he thought that just ignoring Justin would work. If he knew Justin at all, he was probably already on his way back to Pittsburgh to check on Brian and to kick his ass for his disappearing act. Brian wasn't looking forward to that confrontation, but had been trying to prepare himself mentally for what he knew would surely come to happen soon. He would have to stay strong and would have to send Justin back to New York. If only he knew how to do that, though. Surely seeing those blue eyes would completely destroy any will he might have to stay strong. Brian just had to make sure that he wouldn't break. He had to stay strong and would have to act like the old Brian Kinney, like the Brian that couldn't care less about how Justin felt. Surely he would be able to act the part if nothing else, right? Right?

 

Brian sighed as he threw his briefcase on the sofa and removed his tie. He was doing the right thing, he knew it. If only doing the right thing wasn't so damn hard. Steeling himself for what he knew was to come, he walked over to his answering machine and listened to the messages on there.

 

Ten messages, seven from Sunshine, two from Mother Taylor and one from Ted informing him that the afternoon at Kinnetik had stayed calm and everything had been taken care of.

 

Brian then listened to the messages from Justin and wasn't surprised to realise that the young man had gotten angrier from message to message.

 

“Pick up the goddamn phone, you fucking asshole! I will not be thrown off yet another Kinney cliff. You can't do that to me, Brian. Not again! I thought we had moved past that. Whatever the doctor said, just let me know so we can figure it out together. I am your partner, Brian. I am here for you. Whatever it is, you don't have to do this on your own. And I will not allow you to throw me off Mount Kinney once again. If I have to, I will fly back and will kick your ass personally. You have two hours to pick up the phone and tell me what's going on or I will book a flight. Fuck you, Brian! Fuck you for being the asshole that you are. Why do I let you do this to me? Do you have any idea how worried I am? I am going crazy imagining all the reasons why you might not answer, but... I think I know it's because you don't want me to know whatever it is that is going on with you. And fuck you for that, Brian! I am your partner. We were supposed to get married. Fuck you! Just fuck you! Fuck you!”

 

At least the messages from Jennifer were less angry and more formal. Mother Taylor was worried about her son. Apparently Justin hadn't told her what an asshole Brian was or Brian was sure she wouldn't have sounded so calm.

“Brian, it's me, Jennifer. Have you spoken to Justin recently? I don't know... but he sounded off somehow. As if something was wrong. I think he missed the meeting with the possible new agent. When I asked him, he didn't reply, but just gave me some evasive answer. Has he told you anything about that meeting? He was so excited at the prospect of finally getting an agent. I wonder what happened and... I am worried. He's all alone there in New York. Just let me know if you talk to him and what you think. Have a nice evening, Brian.”

 

Damn, he could really do with a drink right now, but unfortunately that was out of the question. Instead Brian decided to take a shower. Maybe the hot water would wash away some of the guilt and anxiety he was feeling over what his life had turned into.

 

Climbing up the stairs to his bedroom he carelessly threw his clothes on the bed and then continued into the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later he returned with just a towel wrapped around his waist, feeling slightly better. He was just about to pick up his discarded clothes to throw them into the pile for his dry-cleaning when he heard his doorbell ring. For a second he entertained the thought that maybe Justin had already made his way to Pittsburgh and was standing outside his door, but then he waved that thought away. First of all Justin had given him an ultimatum and if he was one thing, it was consistent. If he gave Brian two hours before booking a flight, then Brian had two hours. And Justin would never use the doorbell. He had a key to the loft and would have used it, probably wanting to sneak up on Brian as to not give him any warning that might give him an idea to flee.

 

That left Debbie and Michael, but if it was either of them, they would have used the elevator up and would already be banging on his metal loft door. So the silence from his door let him know that it wasn't any Novotny either. Brian quickly erased Jennifer from his list as she had only called him a few hours before and wouldn't show up without making an appointment first like the good WASP that she was. She would only show up unannounced if it was an emergency and Brian hoped it was not.

Wondering who it could be, he made his way over to his intercom and pressed the button before he spoke. “Yes?”

 

“Open the door, you motherfucking asshole,” an angry voice greeted him and Brian frowned when he realised that it was Daphne outside his door.

 

“I don't fuck mothers. You should know that,” he gave back before pressing the button to open the door on the ground floor and letting Justin's best friend into the building.

 

A minute later he heard the elevator pull up and opened the metal door slowly after resting his forehead against it for a second, trying to get some strength from the cold, unyielding metal.

“Daphne, you look enchanting as always,” he said as he stepped aside to let the young woman into the loft.

 

“Cut the bullshit, Brian.”

 

“No bullshit, just the truth,” he answered smoothly, walking over to the fridge and getting a bottle of water for himself. “You want one?” He asked and wasn't surprised when Daphne shook her head.

 

“Why are you doing this to him?” She started immediately without preamble. That was one of the things he had always liked about Daphne. She got straight to the point, with her no time was wasted on pointless bullshit.

 

“Doing what exactly?”

“Why are you ignoring him and not telling him what is going on?”

 

“Because there is nothing to tell,” Brian snarked back at her as he took a sip from the cold water.

 

“Bullshit.”

“Last I checked you weren't my doctor, so care to enlighten me how you figured out that there was something going on with me?” He raised an eyebrow at her as if challenging her, but she only met his gaze with a cold one of her own.

“If nothing was going on, you wouldn't ignore him. You would have told him and things would have continued as before. Ergo, something must be going on and you don't want him to know because you don't want him to come rushing to your side.”

 

“Nice little theory, but unfortunately not true,” Brian drawled, lazily strolling over to his bedroom. He made sure to let the towel drop on his bed as he bent over to pick up a pair of jeans and a black wifebeater. Once he was dressed, he casually strolled back down to the kitchen area where Daphne was standing, staring at him from big eyes.

 

“Look, as much as I appreciate your little visit, I have other plans tonight and I am afraid I am getting a bit late, so if you don't mind,” he said, pointing towards the door.

 

“That's it? From one day to the other you just forget all about Justin and turn back into the stud? Ignoring all that is between you?”

 

“There is nothing between us. Whatever he thinks is between us, was just a dream and Justin is a big boy. He'll know that there comes a time in the life of every grown up where you need to let go of your dreams in order to live a full life.”

 

“Who gives you the right to make that decision for him?” Daphne spat angrily, glaring at Brian.

“I am making a decision for myself. Because this is my life. In case you haven't noticed, I am only responsible for myself and that's it. I am the only person I need to please. No one else. Not you, not Justin, just me!”

 

Daphne eyed the taller man standing so close to her and couldn't believe what she was hearing. “You are an asshole! At least show him the respect he deserves and break up with him in person.”

 

“You can only break up if you're in a relationship, Daph. I thought you knew that,” Brian drawled as if he was talking to a small child, explaining what one plus one was.

 

“And what is it you think you are in? Three months ago you were going to marry him, Brian. You bought him a fucking mansion to show him how much you loved him and how serious you were and now... now you claim you're not even in a relationship with him?”

“That was then, now is now. Do me a favour, Daphne and give your friend a message from me, would you?” Brian pretended to look at Daphne from puppy dog eyes which only got her to glare at him more than before and to angrily huff in annoyance.

 

“Tell him that we're done. There is nothing between us and there won't ever be. He is in New York and should focus on that career of his, not stay rooted in a past in Pittsburgh that will never be his future.“ 

 

“How can you say that? After everything the two of you have been through? After everything he's been through?” Daphne stared at him from disbelieving eyes and Brian knew that he had to give one last parting shot to make his performance believable.

 

“As I said, I really have to leave now. Places to be, people to fuck. It was a pleasure as always, Daphne, but let's not do this again anytime soon, alright?” And with that final parting shot he gently shoved her towards the door and out of the loft.

 

Just as he was about to close the door on his unexpected visitor, Daphne turned around with one last parting shot of her own. “You are an asshole. I hope you rot in hell, Brian. Though that would still be too good for you.” With that she turned around and angrily stomped down the stairs.

 

Once Brian was sure she had left the building, he closed the metal door and sank down in a heap, leaning his head against the door. His hand automatically wandered to his belly and rested there as if trying to draw some comfort from his baby. 

 

“I am sorry... so sorry... but I had to do it. I had to do it... God, I am so sorry,” he mumbled over and over again as his hand gently stroked the small bump that was hardly visible, but that he knew was there. Soon the words had been replaced by silent sobs and Brian cried like he hadn't cried since the last time he had thought that he had lost his Sunshine forever. Because he knew that was what had just happened. He knew that Daphne would call Justin as soon as was humanly possible and would tell him all about Brian's little performance here and then Justin would hate him and Brian would have lost him for good.

Chapter 5

 

Brian jumped up from his desk and ran into the bathroom adjoined to his office at Kinnetik and threw up once more. He wouldn't miss the days of morning sickness once they were over, that was for sure. His doctor had advised him that he might be suffering from morning sickness for another month or two and Brian was already wondering how he was going to keep that and his pregnancy a secret from his staff. 

 

He had already run out of two staff meetings and one client presentation because a wave of nausea had come over him and had no idea how he was supposed to keep up an image of professionalism if he was hugging his toilet bowl several times a day.

 

As Brian was retching, he didn't hear Ted enter his office.

 

“Brian, can I talk to you for a minute?” his accountant asked, but then stopped dead in his tracks when he couldn't see Brian anywhere in his office. “Brian? Are you here?” Ted frowned and slowly walked over to Brian's desk where he could see that the screen on Brian's desktop PC was unlocked. Usually Brian locked it whenever he left the office, so it was weird to have the screen showing a spreadsheet with calculations for a new client of Kinnetik, but to have no Brian in sight. Brian was usually very careful about leaving confidential information out in the open.

 

Ted was just about to lock the screen for his boss, when he heard retching coming from the adjoined  executive bathroom. He walked over to the door and quietly called out for his boss. “Brian, are you okay?”

 

When he only got a grunt in response, Ted wasn't quite sure if that had been an affirmative or Brian calling for help. Worrying about his boss and friend, Ted bravely made his way inside and stopped when he saw Brian crouched on the floor in front of the toilet throwing up what had to have been his breakfast.

 

“Jeez,” he exclaimed before walking over to the basin and wetting one of the paper towels from the dispenser. He walked over to Brian's side and carefully held the cold, wet cloth to the man's forehead, not caring how he might react to that act of kindness. But instead of snarking at him or telling him to fuck off, Brian had just relaxed slightly and sighed in something that sounded almost like relief.

 

After retching two more times, Brian slowly turned his head towards his CFO and thanked him quietly. He then allowed Ted to pull him up and eyed him carefully in the mirror while he cleaned himself up. Feeling almost back to his old self now that the throwing up had stopped for the moment, Brian turned around and snarked at the silent accountant.

 

“What are you doing in here?”

 

“I wanted to talk to you, but... you weren't in your office and I heard retching sounds from in here, so I came to check on you,” Ted started, the whole time eyeing Brian carefully. “Are you alright?”

 

“Never seen a man throw up before?” Brian snarked before moving past his accountant and back into his office.

 

“Too often to care,” Ted answered quietly and followed Brian. He watched his boss collapse into his office chair and could see the weariness in his eyes and body.

 

“Will you tell me what is going on or are we going to play that guessing game again?” he finally asked when he saw that Brian wasn't about to say anything to him. 

 

“Guessing game?” Brian just raised an eyebrow and then smirked. “Not the kind of game I usually like to play, but sure. Whatever floats your boat, Theodore.”

 

“Brian, cut it out. You've been sick for at least three weeks now and I know that you went to see a doctor about it.”

 

When Brian only raised an eyebrow in obvious question as to how Ted knew about his doctor's visit, the older man only shrugged. “I am not only your business accountant, but also your private accountant. I get the bill, Brian.”

 

Brian sighed and cursed himself for not having thought about that. Of course Ted would have known about his doctor's appointment and what would be even worse, Ted would also find out about the pregnancy sooner or later. There was no way Brian would be able to hide follow-up visits to his doctor, pregnancy classes and purchases for a newborn from a man who knew more about Brian's finances than Brian himself did.

 

Ted watched the emotions on Brian's face for a few moments and falsely surmised that the frustration he saw on the man's face had to do with his condition. Not wanting to make him say it, knowing how hard it had been for Brian the first time around, he quietly said. “It's back, isn't it?”

 

He waited for Brian to nod, but that nod never came. 

 

“Brian, you can tell me. I won't tell anyone. I didn't the last time and I won't this time, but you're obviously not okay and sitting here in the office twelve hours a day and then moving on for two additional hours to the Babylon office doesn't sound like something you should do in your condition,” he tried to argue with his boss.

 

“My condition,” Brian muttered and then let out a hollow laugh. “It's not the cancer, Theodore, so stop getting your panties in a twist.”

 

“Brian...,” Ted started, obviously not convinced but he was immediately stopped by Brian's angry words.

 

“It's not, okay? I am fine. The cancer is not back. The last test showed no cancerous cells. I am fine.”

 

“You're not fine.”

 

“Can you just let it go?”

 

“If it's not the cancer, what is it? You're never drinking at Babylon, you're not taking any drugs from what I can see... Are you having an infection? Some kind of disease?”

 

“No, I don't.”

 

“Then what is going on?”

 

“It's none of your business, Theodore,” Brian just muttered, then turned his attention back to his computer.

 

“The hell it is,” Ted angrily replied. Long gone were the days when Brian had scared him and he had just been a timid accountant. Ever since making it through his drug withdrawal and starting to work at Kinnetik he had gained a lot of self-confidence and he wasn't intimidated by Brian anymore. “Kinnetik might be your company, but I am the CFO because you made me the CFO, which apparently means that somewhere, somehow you trusted me enough to be a part of your company's management. If you're not performing at your usual strength, I need to know it, so Cynthia and I can cover for you and can reduce your workload. What good will you be in a presentation if it just goes like yesterday?”

 

The day before Brian had been in the middle of a pitch to a new client when the nausea had overwhelmed him and he had fled from the conference room without as much as an apology and had left Ted and Cynthia totally unprepared in a situation where they had needed to cover for him without knowing what was going on and if and when he would be back.

 

Brian knew that Ted was right. At least with his cancer he had told them and they had known what had been going on whenever he had needed to flee a room at a moment's notice because nausea overwhelmed him. They had learned all his pitches and presentations as well, so they could take over at any point in time if he had felt too bad to finish the pitch himself. He knew that Ted was right, but somehow he just couldn't bring himself to tell him what he needed to say.

 

“Are you done?” Brian asked tiredly, feeling incredibly worn out the longer the day went on.

 

“Not really, but I get the feeling you're not interested in anything I have to say anyway, so why bother with the rest?” Ted shrugged and moved away from Brian's desk to the door of his office.

 

“Wasn't there something you wanted to talk to me about?” Brian reminded him as he watched him on the way out of his office.

 

“Oh right,” Ted remembered. “You didn't tell me Justin was coming for a visit.”

 

“Justin?”

 

“You know, that boyfriend of yours? Blond, blue-eyed, nice ass,” Ted explained, but stopped when he saw the look on Brian's face that told him to cut it out. 

 

“What do you mean he's coming for a visit?”

 

“He didn't tell you? Oh shit... I hope I didn't mess up some kind of surprise,” Ted stammered, wanting to hide behind the manila folders in his arms.

 

“What are you on about?” Brian asked and the tone in his voice made it clear to Ted that he expected a reply and pronto.

 

“That credit card you gave him? The one he never used so far? He's used it to book a flight to Pittsburgh earlier this morning.”

 

Brian felt a panic grab hold of him and tried to stay calm. If Justin had only booked a ticket earlier this morning that meant Brian still had time to think of a plan of how to handle Justin showing up in Pittsburgh. “What flight?”

 

“Brian,” Ted started, but was interrupted by an almost yelling Brian.

 

“What flight, Theodore?”

 

“He should land in about an hour. Look, Brian, I didn't mean to spoil his surprise...,” but Ted stopped speaking when he saw Brian nearly jump out of his chair and grab his briefcase and dash for the door.

 

“Brian? Are you meeting him at the airport?”

 

“Tell Cynthia that I will be out of town for a few days. And if Justin comes here, you don't know where I am. Got it?”

 

Ted just looked after Brian in confusion and then registered his words. “Wait... You're not going to meet with him?”

 

As Brian was about to open the door to his office and leave, Ted managed to grab onto his arm and pull him back.

 

“What the fuck is going on, Brian? Why are you running from Justin?”

 

“None of your business,” Brian just glared at the older man and tried to break free from his grip. Damn, Ted was stronger than he looked.

 

“It is my business if you leave Kinnetik in the middle of a busy week and just tell me you won't be back for a few days. You have meetings coming up, Brian.”

 

“Cancel them. And let the fuck go off my arm.”

 

“Whatever is going on, you haven't told him either. And that's why he's coming back, isn't he? Because you're throwing him off yet another Kinney cliff,” Ted angrily muttered, glaring back at Brian with the best glare he could muster. And Brian had to admit that it was quite a menacing glare.

 

“Let the fuck go of my arm, Theodore!” Brian gritted out, still trying to pull his arm free.

 

“What is so bad that you can't even tell him? Oh my god... Are you... positive?” Ted nearly whispered the last word, looking at Brian from worried eyes.

 

“I am not fucking positive!” Brian screamed, just wanting to leave Kinnetik, leave Pittsburgh and hide in a hole somewhere where Justin wouldn't find him. Because Brian knew that if Justin looked at him, he would know that something was wrong and tenacious as the little fucker was, he wouldn't let go of it before he had found out what was going on with Brian and then he would never leave again and wouldn't further his career in New York until he would hate Brian in a few years down the line. Brian would not allow that to happen. He would just disappear and though he knew that Justin would be hurt and angry, he knew that one day he would move on and would put that anger into his art and it would be great. His art that is. Brian had no doubt about it.

 

“Then what the fuck is having you all panicked? What is so bad that you can't tell me or Justin? We both knew about the cancer and helped you. Why don't you allow us to help now?”

 

Ted watched as he saw something in Brian deflate and saw all anger leave the man. He saw how Brian sank into his door and leaned his forehead against the cold glass. He hardly heard Brian's voice when he spoke the next words. “He can't find out, Ted. He can't...”

 

“Can't find out what?” Ted asked gently, letting go of Brian's arm and walking closer to his boss. “What has you this spooked? Whatever it is, I am sure we can figure it out.”

 

“He can't know, he can't find out,” Brian only muttered again and didn't fight as Ted pulled him away from the glass door and towards the sofa in his office.

 

“Can't find out what?”

 

“That I am pregnant,” Brian whispered after what seemed like an eternity and Ted felt as if all air had been punched out of his lungs and his head was about to explode.

 

“You're...p-pregnant?”

 

Brian only nodded before he buried his head in his hands. “He can't know...”

 

Ted eyed Brian for the longest time, silently contemplating what Brian had said. Pregnant. Brian was pregnant. The stud of Liberty Avenue was going to have a baby. The stud of Liberty Avenue had been topped and if Brian's refusal to let Justin know was any indication, it hadn't been by the blond.

 

“You let someone else than Justin top you?” Ted asked in astonishment, not able to wrap his head around that. He had never really bought into stories of Brian being the ultimate top and he had always assumed that every once in a while Brian and Justin switched places, after all how else would they keep a relationship going for five years without Justin, who was clearly a top himself, feeling sexually neglected at times, so yeah, Ted had always assumed that Brian let Justin top him every once in a while, but someone else? That was unbelievable to Ted.

 

“What? No! Of course not,” Brian exclaimed angrily and then looked at Ted as if he had grown a second head. “I would never... NO!”

 

“So... it's Justin's baby?” Ted dared to ask, not sure what Brian was saying.

 

“Of course it is.”

 

“Then why won't you tell him? It's his baby. He will be ecstatic.”

 

“He can't ever find out, Ted.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“It will destroy his career and... I can't let that happen,” Brian whispered and now Ted saw pure anguish on the face of the man sitting next to him.

 

“His career? What does his career have to do with anything?”

 

“He will leave New York if he finds out and then... he'll be trapped here in a life he never wanted and... I can't let that happen to him. I can't.”

 

“He wants a family, Brian. You know that. Justin has always dreamed of a family.”

 

“Years down the line,” Brian spat, angrily running a hand through his hair. “After he has made it as an artist. Not now. Not at this point in his life. This will destroy everything for him. I can't allow that. I won't allow that.”

 

“Shouldn't you include him in that decision? He's your partner, Brian. He's the father of your baby,” Ted voiced, trying to be reasonable. He could see the pain and anguish on Brian's face and he guessed that he could see where Brian was coming from with his argument, but to him Brian wasn't thinking clearly at the moment. Maybe it was just the shock of being pregnant or maybe it was the hormones. What the hell did Ted know.

 

Brian only snorted and turned to look at Ted from glassy eyes.  “You know the twat. He will do the right thing. He will do the honourable thing and he will stay here in Pittsburgh with me and the baby.”

 

“And that's a bad thing?” Ted asked, feeling confused.

 

“Maybe not now, maybe not next year, maybe not in two or three years, but eventually, he will come to hate me. He will hate me for trapping him in a life that he didn't want. He will hate me and he will leave and then it won't only be me left behind, but also our baby and... I can't do that to our baby, Ted. I can't...”

 

“So... what is your plan? To keep your pregnancy a secret from him? Brian, how do you want to do that? Don't you think he'll notice the bump you're going to be sporting and don't you think he'll see the baby you'll be carrying around with you?”

 

“I...,” Brian started, but then stopped, clearly having trouble to say what he knew he had to say. He got up from his sofa and walked through his office like a caged animal, Ted eyeing him warily.

 

“I,” Brian started once more, this time looking at a point on the far wall, not really focussing on it, but almost looking through it. “I have to let him go.”

 

“You can't do that to him, Brian!”

 

“I have already done it, Theodore,” Brian whispered.

 

“Brian, you can't hide from him. He has a right to know about this. He is the father! You can't keep this from him. He has a right to know the truth,” Ted argued, getting agitated. He felt like Brian was being totally unreasonable and making a big mistake. 

 

“He has a right to have his career,” Brian only replied.

 

“You don't have the right to make that choice for him!” Ted nearly yelled, trying to get through to Brian. “You can't take this choice away from him. Brian, this is his child, too.”

 

“He can't know about this baby, Ted. You have to promise me,” Brian pleaded when he turned to look at his CFO. “You can't let him know.”

 

“Brian, he has rights! You can't just hide this from him. He has rights to this baby and...,” Ted walked over to Brian, looking him directly in the eyes. “He will never forgive you when he finds out. And he will find out! How do you expect him not to???”

 

“You have to promise me, Ted,” Brian went on as if he hadn't heard Ted's latest argument. “You can't tell him.”

 

“I will promise no such thing. You are making a big mistake, Brian. You're not thinking clearly.”

 

“If you tell him, you're fired,” Brian then spat at the man next to him, his mood having changed from pleading to angry. “If you mention this to him, we're done!”

 

“Are you threatening me?” Ted asked in shock, totally caught of guard by Brian's sudden change in mood.

 

“I am making a promise. Now excuse me,” Brian once again grabbed his briefcase and moved over to the door, clearly indicating that this conversation was over. “I need to leave. I will be out of town for a few days.”

 

“Brian, you can't do this to him. I thought you loved him!” Ted yelled at the retreating back of his boss, who never turned around. All he heard as he opened the door was a near whisper in a broken voice. 

 

“I do... Which is why I have to do this.”

 

And then Ted watched as Brian left the office. He stood still for a few minutes as if struck by lightning and tried to make sense of the conversation they had just had. He couldn't believe what Brian was about to do and he couldn't believe that Brian wanted him to stay back and just let him destroy his relationship with Justin and any future they would have had together. Because Ted knew one thing, if Justin found out, all hell would break loose and he would never forgive Brian.

Chapter 6

 

 

 

A week and a half after Ted had found out about Brian's pregnancy, the man himself still hadn't reappeared at the Kinnetik offices. If it weren't for the occasional email Cynthia got from their CEO with instructions about certain campaigns, Ted might have thought that Brian had dropped off the face of the earth.

 

 

 

He knew from Emmett that Justin had been looking for Brian everywhere. He had been to the Loft, had been to Kinnetik offices – Ted was eternally grateful that Cynthia had talked to him and that he himself had been in the middle of a client meeting, because he wasn't sure if he could have kept Brian's secret if he had come face to face with Justin – had checked Woodies and Babylon, but Brian hadn't been in any of the places he normally hung out. 

 

 

 

According to Emmett Justin had left Pittsburgh three days ago and had returned to New York, obviously dejected and heartbroken about Brian's behaviour. Not that Ted could blame the young man. Ted sighed, once more telling himself that he should just focus on his work. This was between Brian and Justin and as much as he might disagree with Brian's behaviour, Brian was his boss and friend and Ted had no right to interfere in Brian's private life. He was not Michael after all. He knew where his part as Brian's friend ended. It had ended when he had spoken his mind and had given Brian a piece of his opinion. The rest was for Brian to decide, not Ted.

 

 

 

Looking through some pages of printed out spreadsheets, Ted frowned when he heard some commotion in the entrance hall. Was that Cynthia? Was she yelling? Ted immediately got up from his chair and went out of his office to check out the situation. He stopped in his tracks when he saw an angry Cynthia ripping Brian a new one on the way to his office. So Brian had decided to come back, Ted thought to himself.

 

 

 

He quickly ordered all employees who were eagerly watching the confrontation between their CEO and COO to get back to work, threatening them with immediate dismissal if they didn't return to their desks and then quietly entered Brian's office.

 

 

 

“What do you think you were doing? Just leaving like that? Leaving us alone with a shitload of presentations and meetings without as much as a word of warning? And who do you think I am? I am not your couple's counsellor. You have something to tell to Justin, you do it yourself and don't just hide like the coward you are and make me face him for you,” Cynthia yelled at her boss, obviously not scared of his reaction. Not that there was much of a reaction, Ted thought. For the moment Brian just sat behind his desk and started his computer.

 

 

 

During a lull in Cynthia's tirade, Brian interrupted her quietly. “Are you done? All your yelling is giving me a headache.”

 

 

 

“Am I done? No, Brian. I am not even close to being done. Who do you think you are to just leave like this during one of the busiest times?”

 

 

 

“Last time I checked, I was the boss of this company which allows me to do as I please,” Brian answered, his voice sounding beyond bored.

 

 

 

“As the boss you have a responsibility for your employees. I thought you cared about this company. I thought you cared about the people working for you. How could you do this? What if we had lost clients?”

 

 

 

“But we didn't, did we? I knew that you would be doing just fine. So stop this screaming and get back to work. I want a staff meeting in one hour with all the updates about what I missed during my absence.”

 

 

 

“Absence? You call this an absence? Don't make it something it wasn't. You were hiding from your partner because you're not man enough to face him and tell him that you've apparently decided that your relationship is over. You could have at least shown him the respect he deserves and could have told him in person.”

 

 

 

For the first time that day Ted detected a note of anger in Brian's voice when he replied to Cynthia. “My private life is none of your business. So stay out of it!”

 

 

 

“I would love to. But how am I supposed to if your partner shows up here and asks me where the fuck you are? Same for your so called best friend who can't get the hint that this is a place of business and that I am not his private secretary to forward messages to you. You say your private life is none of my business, then make it your own business for once and deal with it,” Cynthia snapped angrily before storming out of her boss' office.

 

 

 

Ted watched silently as Brian ran a hand over his face in obvious frustration and wondered if Brian had even noticed his appearance in the office. After a few seconds the older man had his doubts and quietly announced his presence.

 

 

 

“So you're finally back?”

 

 

 

Brian tensed for a second and then looked up at Ted with a mask of indifference. 

 

 

 

“Obviously, I am.”

 

 

 

“You'll need to give her a good bonus to make up for how you left her in charge of everything without as much as a moment's notice.”

 

 

 

“I am surprised to still see you here, Ted,” Brian muttered.

 

 

 

“Last I checked I was the CFO of this company, so where else would I be? Unless I have been fired once again, but this time you forgot to tell me.”

 

 

 

“What are you doing here, Theodore?” Brian implored once more, eyeing Ted closely.

 

 

 

“I didn't tell him anything if that's what you really want to know, but are too afraid to ask,” Ted answered quietly, slowly making his way over to Brian's desk. He saw something akin to relief on Brian's face and felt him relax slightly.

 

 

 

“I know you didn't.”

 

 

 

“That's not the impression I am getting,” Ted said carefully, watching Brian closely.

 

 

 

“If you had, he would still be here and not back in New York,” Brian muttered darkly, then looked up at his CFO. “Why didn't you?”

 

 

 

Ted shrugged and considered his reply before he spoke. “It's not my place to tell him.”

 

 

 

Brian's eyebrows rose up at that comment.

 

 

 

“I am your employee, but I am also your friend, Brian and as your friend I have told you and will tell you again that you're making a mistake. Justin has a right to know about the baby and you should tell him. But that's where my part as a friend ends. I can give you advice, I can support you, I can be there for you, but I am not part of your relationship with Justin. It's your responsibility to tell him and if you decide not to do that, I can disagree with you, I can argue with you about it, I can tell you again and again that you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life, but I have no right to tell him your secret.”

 

 

 

“Ted,” Brian started, but was immediately interrupted by his CFO.

 

 

 

“You put me in a shitty position, Brian. Justin is my friend,too and I don't like being caught in the middle between you two. You think this might only affect you and him, but how do you think he will react if he finds out one day that I have known from the very beginning about your pregnancy and the baby and haven't told him anything? How do you think he'll thank me for that?”

 

 

 

When Ted saw the surprised look on Brian's face he realised that Brian hadn't given this any thought. 

 

 

 

“Ted, I am...,” Brian started once more, but was once again interrupted by his employee.

 

 

 

“I don't care, Brian. I really don't. You have put me in a shitty position and now we'll all have to live with that. You are my boss and my friend and... I owe you for giving me a chance when no one else did or would. So I will keep your secret, don't worry. But know one thing, Brian: You will regret this! One day it will come back to bite you in the ass and not in the good life-affirming way you like so much,” Ted muttered angrily and then turned around and left Brian's office, leaving him to his own thoughts.

 

 

 

***   

 

Two days later things had finally returned to a resemblance of normal at Kinnetik. Cynthia had calmed down and was now once again talking to Brian in a normal volume instead of only yelling at him, thanks to a hefty raise and bonus from Brian and he had slowly gotten back into things at Kinnetik, catching up on everything he had missed during his ten day absence. 

 

 

 

Things with Ted were still a bit strained, but Ted was a professional and didn't let that impact his work. It was obvious to Brian that Ted absolutely didn't agree with what he was doing, but Ted didn't understand that it was the only choice Brian had. Did he really think Brian would just toss Justin aside if he had any other choice? Did he really think Brian wasn't hurting from having to turn back from the only person he had ever loved and who had loved him in order to give his child a happy life? Did he think this was easy for Brian? Because it sure as hell wasn't. It hurt and the pain nearly drove him crazy, especially since he couldn't fall back on his normal pain management techniques and had to resort to good, old fashioned dealing with his pain and working through it himself. 

 

 

 

He sighed as he left the warm shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, looking at himself in the mirror. His small bump was slightly more obvious now and Brian couldn't help but run his hand over it, gently stroking his midsection.

 

 

 

“We'll be fine. You and I. We'll make it work. I promise. I'll make this work for you,” Brian said quietly, absentmindedly running his hand over his stomach again and again. For some reason running his hand along his bump gave him comfort. It showed him that even though he might have lost Justin for good, he still had a part of the man with him and always would have. No, it couldn't compare to having the man himself at his side, but he already loved this baby more than he ever thought possible and he already felt the connection to this small human being growing inside of him and he knew that as long as he focused on his and Justin's child and made sure that their baby was doing alright, he would be fine as well. He owed it to this unborn baby. 

 

 

 

“You'll be the happiest little kid this world has ever seen, you know? You'll have everything a kid could wish for. You'll never have to ask for anything and I'll always be there to protect you. I promise,” he whispered before he was interrupted by his doorbell ringing.

 

 

 

Brian sighed and forced his eyes away from his reflection in the mirror. He pulled the towel up a bit, trying to hide more of his bump and then went over to open the door, expecting the meal delivery guy to bring him the Thai he had ordered 45 minutes ago.

 

 

 

When he opened the door, he was surprised to see Jennifer standing outside his door. “Mother Taylor,” he greeted her quietly, letting her into his Loft when he saw the determined expression on her face. There was no way he would be able to just get rid of her at the door. Not when she was looking that determined. He had known for a long time now that Justin had inherited his determined pitbull qualities from his mother and not his fucktard of a father. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

 

 

 

“Do you really want to do this the hard way, Brian?” Jennifer merely raised an eyebrow as she walked over to the kitchen counter and sat down in one of the chairs.

 

 

 

“I like the hard way,” Brian smirked at her and then snarked. “Make yourself comfortable, why won't you?”

 

 

 

Jennifer merely glanced at him when she spoke next. “Why don't you finish getting dressed and I wait here?”

 

 

 

“Really? This still makes you uncomfortable?” Brian snorted. “At least there's a towel now,” Brian pointed out, thinking back to one of his earliest conversations with Jennifer where she had seen him in all his naked glory.

 

 

 

“I think we're long past me being uncomfortable,” Jennifer merely stated and then shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

 

 

 

Brian walked over to the fridge and got a bottle of water for himself. He raised an eyebrow at Jennifer in question. “Or would you like something stronger?”

 

 

 

“You got Gin?” she asked and Brian nodded and went over to his alcohol cabinet and poured her a glass. When he handed it to her and stood opposite her with his bottle of water, she frowned at him.

 

 

 

“You don't want anything harder?”

 

 

 

Brian only shrugged in response. “I still have work to do tonight. I need to keep a clear head.”

 

 

 

“Who do you think I am? Liza? I am not looking to get drunk here with you.”

 

 

 

“What a pity,” Brian only snarked in response, before taking a sip of his water.

 

 

 

“Brian,” Jennifer started and Brian realised by the tone of her voice, how it got all concerned and mother-like that he was in for a serious conversation with his almost mother-in-law. Not sure if he could stomach that, he interrupted her right away. 

 

 

 

“This is none of your business, Jennifer.”

 

 

 

 

 

“The hell it is, Brian.”

 

 

 

“Last I checked, I wasn't having a relationship with you, as dazzling as that thought might be and as much as I know you like them young, so stay out of it.”

 

 

 

In response Jennifer glared at him. “You are hurting my son, so that makes it my business.”

 

 

 

“So that's what this is? Mama grizzly is out to defend her little baby?”

 

 

 

Jennifer just waved away his question. “He doesn't need me to defend him. He is well able to do that on his own without my help.”

 

 

 

“Then why are you here?” Brian asked with a raised eyebrow, slightly surprised by Jennifer's answer. Yes, she was right. Justin was well able to stand up for himself and to defend himself as he had shown from a very young age, but if she wasn't here to kick his ass for his behaviour towards her son, then why was she there?

 

 

 

“To check on you,” she replied matter-of-factly and looked him straight in the eyes. Brian wasn't sure if he liked what he saw in those eyes. He saw concern and was it love? No, he didn't want to think about that.

 

 

 

“I am just peachy,” Brian replied way too cheerfully, hoping he could throw Jennifer off, but just like Justin, she immediately saw through him.

 

 

 

“You know? I meant it when I said that I was sorry to not be your mother-in-law, Brian. You might not believe me, but over the years, I actually came to like you.” Jennifer actually chuckled when she saw Brian's raised eyebrow. “I'll admit that we didn't get off to the best of starts and...,” she sighed. “I wasn't always fair to you, but over the years, I started to see the truth with my own eyes. I know how much you love Justin, even if you might not be able to see it yourself at times. I saw how you always took care of him, how you were always there when he needed you, even at times when you were not together and …,” she took a deep breath before she continued. “I know how you tried to push him off your so called cliffs, so he would get a chance at a different life. That, more than anything showed me how much you loved him. You always wanted the best for him even if it was at your own expense. It took me time to see and accept that, but I do now. You love my son with all your heart and would do everything for him and how could I not love and respect you for that?”

 

 

 

When Brian didn't reply and just stared at the water bottle in his hands, Jennifer continued. “Something must have happened for you to push him off a cliff again. To do it now that he's in New York. I just want to make sure that you're alright, Brian. I worry about you, believe it or not.”

 

 

 

“I am fine,” Brian muttered quietly after what seemed like a silence that lasted an eternity. 

 

 

 

“Then why now?” Jennifer asked.

 

 

 

Brian was about to answer her when Jennifer saw his face contort in a mask of discomfort and then saw him rushing off to his bathroom. Her eyes followed Brian disappear through his bedroom into the bathroom and seconds later she could hear retching sounds. She contemplated for a second what she should do, but in the end just followed quietly and looked at Brian's huddled form in front of his toilet bowl as he retched once more. She quietly moved past him and handed him a wet washcloth when he seemed to be done throwing up.

 

 

 

“Is it the cancer again?” She asked quietly as she saw Brian get up and clean himself up. When he just shook his head, she eyed him in concern. “HIV?” she asked fearfully.

 

 

 

“No,” he muttered quietly, once again finding himself in front of his mirror. He looked at his exhausted features and couldn't help his eyes wandering down his image in the mirror until they rested on his midsection. He hadn't noticed how subconsciously his hand had wandered down once again and now rested on his stomach. He also didn't notice how Jennifer's eyes had followed his movements and now widened in surprise.

 

 

 

“Oh my god... you're... you're...pregnant?”

 

 

 

Brian shook himself as if coming back out of a trance and turned to look at the wide eyed woman next to him. He cursed himself for a second for his subconscious betraying him and thought about denying her question, but then he saw her eyes rest on his bump and knew that there was no way he could plausibly deny his pregnancy, so in the end he just nodded quietly.

 

 

 

“Why didn't you tell Justin?” 

 

 

 

“Maybe I did,” he just answered tiredly and then left the bathroom, walking over to his sofa and plopping down in exhaustion. He felt more tired than he had in weeks, knowing that now it was only a matter of time before Justin would show up on his doorstep. Because Brian didn't have a doubt that Jennifer would tell him as soon as she had left his loft. 

 

 

 

“He would be here if you had,” she pointed out sternly, knowing her son well enough to know that her statement was true.

 

 

 

“Well, maybe it's none of your business,” Brian tried snarking at her, but only got a raised eyebrow in reply. 

 

 

 

“Don't even try that with me, Brian,” she reprimanded him sternly, sounding like a mother reprimanding her misbehaving child. Jennifer sat down next to Brian and wondered why Brian would keep a pregnancy from her son and really only one thought came to her head that could make Brian keep this a secret from her son.

 

 

 

“It's not Justin's, is it?” she asked quietly.

 

 

 

Brian turned to her with one of the iciest glares she had ever seen and spat at her in reply. “Of course it is!” 

 

 

 

“Then why haven't you told him? He will be ecstatic. God, he will be so excited,” she enthused, already able to see her son's excited face in her mind as he prepared to get ready for a baby.

 

 

 

“Stop right there with your happy grandma Taylor fantasies,” Brian said harshly, getting up from his seat on the sofa and pacing in front of his large windows. “They're not going to happen and be true one day. So don't even go there.”

 

 

 

“Brian, what...”

 

 

 

“He will not find out about this,” Brian said angrily. 

 

 

 

“Of course he will. Brian, you said it's his child. He has a right to know,” Jennifer argued.

 

 

 

“And I have decided that he will not be part of this pregnancy and this child's life,” Brian continued, not looking at the woman on his sofa. “You want to know why I have pushed him off one of my cliffs?” Brian pointed to his small bump. “Here is your reason. He is not to know about this.”

 

 

 

“Are you getting rid of it?” Jennifer asked, now getting angry herself.

 

 

 

“What? NO!” Brian exclaimed, feeling horrified that she could even think something like that about him. “I have no intention to get rid of this baby.”

 

 

 

“Then why are you not letting him know? It's his baby, Brian.”

 

 

 

When Brian didn't answer her and only continued pacing, Jennifer felt herself grow impatient. “He has a right to know, Brian. He has a right to know that he will be a father.”

 

 

 

“He has a right to his career and to live the life he always wanted,” Brian only retorted.

 

 

 

“What?”

 

 

 

“He didn't sign up for this. A pregnancy and a baby was not part of his plan. Of our plan. I will not force him to give up his career so he can become a happy housewife.”

 

 

 

“Brian, what...,” Jennifer started, but didn't get much further as Brian apparently had more to say.

 

 

 

“He went to New York to work on his career, to establish himself as an artist. I will not take that away from him so he can settle into a life he didn't ask for. You and I both know he would give it all up in a second to do the right thing. To do the honourable thing. That's the kind of man he is, but I will not do that to him. He has a right to his career and the life he wants and I will not take that away from him because we weren't careful enough.”

 

 

 

Jennifer could easily see how much the man in front of her was hurting. She could see that even though Brian sounded harsh and rough, he was hurting deep inside. It was plain to see on his face and in his eyes. He was letting Justin go, so he could follow his own dreams at the expense of his own heart. Once again Brian was pushing Justin off one of his cliffs so Justin could be happy, not caring how much it hurt himself. And she saw that he was hurting.

 

 

 

She got up and slowly walked over to the man in front of her, putting her hand on his shoulder in a gentle caress. “The life he wants is a life with you, Brian. You know that. He will be ecstatic about this baby. He always dreamed of having a family.”

 

 

 

“Not now,” Brian just muttered darkly and turned away from Jennifer's touch.

 

 

 

“Well, the timing might not be perfect, I give you that, but if you think for one second that Justin would choose a career over his child, you're wrong. He would never do that.”

 

 

 

“I know,” Brian whispered, slumping down to his knees. “I fucking know...”

 

 

 

“Then why don't you tell him? Why don't you let him be happy and enjoy this?” Jennifer asked, sinking down next to the man on the floor.

 

 

 

“He deserves a chance at this career. He deserves everything life has to offer. I can't take that away from him. I won't. He... He might be happy now and he might enjoy this now, but... years down the line? He will hate me. He will hate me for forcing him into a life he wasn't ready for,” Brian whispered and Jennifer wasn't surprised when she saw tears running down his cheeks. This only confirmed even more how much the man at her side was hurting. Brian Kinney didn't cry. Not in front of others. She had only seen him cry once before and that was when Justin had been hurt and had been close to dying. So it wasn't hard for her to imagine his pain right now.

 

 

 

“He could never hate you,” Jennifer assured the man at her side.

 

 

 

“He is too young, Jennifer. He is too young to be forced into settling down and taking care of a family. This is his time to establish himself as an artist, to find his own way in the world and I will not take that away from him. I will not!”

 

 

 

“Brian, you can't make that decision for him. This is a life-altering event and he has a right to make that decision himself. You can't take that away from him.”

 

 

 

Brian got up and once again started pacing in front of his windows. “You can't tell him,” he turned to look at Jennifer and his eyes were almost pleading.

 

 

 

“Brian,” Jennifer started, getting up as well. “He has a right to know. He has a right to make his own decisions. Yes, he might be too young, but... you are the one who always told me he was more mature than his age and that if he wants to make mistakes all we can do is be there and support him when he realises it was a mistake. Just because he's younger than you, you can't take this decision away from him. You can't, Brian!”

 

 

 

“If you tell him, I will be gone,” Brian shot at her, then turned around to look out the window, staring at the Pittsburgh skyline with tense shoulders.

 

 

 

“What?” Jennifer just eyed him in disbelief.

 

 

 

“You heard me,” Brian's voice was harsh and Jennifer knew that his walls had come back up. Justin had talked to her often enough about Brian's protection mechanisms and had seen his walls come up often enough herself to know that he was only trying to protect himself from more pain.

 

 

 

“Brian, don't be ridiculous,” Jennifer pleaded with the man.

 

 

 

“I mean it. If you tell him and he shows up here, I am gone. I will close down Kinnetik and disappear and you will have no way to find me.”

 

 

 

“Brian, you can't do that!” 

 

 

 

“I will... He has a right to his life and his career. I will not take that away from him. If you want to, be my guest. But I won't be here to watch the show. I will not be part of that. If you tell him about this baby, I will be gone and you will never hear from me ever again.”

 

 

 

“Brian...,” Jennifer started once more, this time trying a different way to get to the man. “He will hate you. When he finds out that you kept this a secret from him, he will never forgive you.”

 

 

 

“He will never find out,” Brian just said quietly.

 

 

 

“What? You plan to disappear from his life for the rest of his days? To never let him know that he has a son or a daughter? Brian, he loves you. He wants to marry you. He already has his whole life mapped out with you. Damn, you bought him that huge mansion to show him how much he means to you and now he has his whole life planned out with you and him in that mansion. Do you really think you can just disappear from his life never to see him again?”

 

 

 

“Jennifer, I know you don't agree, but it's best this way.”

 

 

 

That comment made Jennifer angry. “No, it's not! It might be best for you because you don't have to deal with Justin ever again, but keeping his baby from him, keeping his own child's existence from him, just disappearing from his life without as much as a goodbye to him after you were supposed to get married – that's just cruel, Brian! It is beyond cruel.”

 

 

 

“He will get over it... he'll get over me... with time...,” Brian whispered, still not looking at Jennifer, but at the Pittsburgh skyline outside his window. 

 

 

 

“If you really believe that, you're lying to yourself, Brian. All you will achieve is that he'll hate you for the rest of his days,” Jennifer muttered angrily.

 

 

 

“If that will ensure that he gets the career he deserves, I can live with that,” Brian answered, his voice void of any emotion at all. 

 

 

 

“I thought you loved him, Brian. I really thought you did, but I guess you just fooled me like you fooled him as well.”

 

 

 

Brian turned to her and looked at her from pained eyes. “Why do you think I am doing this? Why do you think I am letting him follow his dreams and his career instead of calling him back? Do you really think I want to do this on my own? Do you really think I don't want him by my side for this? You've got no idea how much I wish things could be different and he could be here by my side. I love him, Jennifer. More than life itself and that is the very reason why I can't force him into a life he's not ready for. I love him too much to bear the thought that one day he will come to resent me and our child because he had to give up too much to be able to be with us. I love him enough to let him go so he can have the life he deserves and not force him into one he doesn't really want once he starts thinking about it clearly.”

 

 

 

“If you loved him, you would let him make that decision himself and wouldn't take away his right to choose,” Jennifer just spat and then grabbed her purse before leaving the loft, angrily slamming the door on her way out.

 

 

 

Brian stood and looked at the closed door for what felt like an eternity, before he finally sank down on his sofa once more, nothing more than a heap of flesh and bones. 

Chapter 7 

 

 

 

“You fucking asshole,” Debbie screeched and Brian was tempted to just cover his ears and turn around again right away. Maybe coming over and visiting Debbie hadn't been one of his finest decisions.

 

 

 

“Hey Ma,” he tried to smirk, but didn't even get around to a full smirk before her hand connected with the back of his head. “OUCH!”

 

 

 

“You deserve it for being the fucking piece of shit that you are,” Debbie only huffed before leaving the door open and retreating to her kitchen. Brian followed her quietly with his head hung low.

 

 

 

“What is going on in your mind? How can you do that to Sunshine? Do you have any idea how you're hurting him? How can you be so cruel?” She immediately went on as soon as he had entered her private sanctuary.

 

 

 

“I really thought you loved him. I really thought you had finally accepted that he loved you too and was here to stay,” when Brian raised an eyebrow at that comment, Debbie waved her hand. “Well, you know what I mean. In your life. That he was committed to you. I thought you had finally accepted that you loved him too.”

 

 

 

“I do,” Brian whispered, his voice hardly loud enough to be heard.

 

 

 

“Then how can you do this to him? Why are you doing this to him? What is going on, Brian?” 

 

 

 

Brian noticed how her voice had changed with her last question from angry to more concerned and he watched as she came over and stopped right in front of him, looking him straight in the eye. “Are you sick again? Is that it?”

 

 

 

He just shook his head and Debbie studied him closely for a long moment before she finally nodded, apparently accepting his answer as the truth that it was. She pulled him over to the kitchen table and sat him down in one of the chairs before sitting down across from him. When she spoke next her voice was gentle, caring, almost like what he imagined a real mother would sound like. 

 

 

 

“Then what is so bad that you can't tell him? What is so bad that you feel once again that you need to push him away?”

 

 

 

Brian refused to meet her eyes and just stayed quiet, not quite sure how to respond to that. When he had made the decision to come over to Debbie's house and talk to her, he had prepared this great speech in his head, but now he just couldn't get his mouth to open, he just couldn't get the words out that he knew he needed to say.

 

 

 

“Sunshine is a smart little fucker, you know? He knows what you're doing. He knows that you're pushing him away because there's something you can't tell him. He just doesn't know what it is.”

 

 

 

“He can't ever know,” Brian whispered finally after what felt like an eternity of silence between them. 

 

 

 

“Can you tell me?” His surrogate mother quietly asked, taking Brian's hand in hers. “Whatever it is, I am sure it can be resolved, Brian. It can't be that bad.”

 

 

 

Brian only chuckled dryly at that. If only she knew. He then slowly got up from his chair and lifted the shirt he was wearing, exposing his not so flat stomach anymore. He didn't say anything, just showed Debbie his bump. He wasn't sure if he could get out the words that would explain what was going on and he just hoped that Debbie would understand even without words.

 

 

 

He saw her eyes widen as she took in his now rounder midsection and then watched as her eyes travelled up to his face and her gaze rested on his. 

 

 

 

“Is it his?” Was the only question she asked and Brian could only nod. He finally forced himself to press out some words as well.

 

 

 

“Yeah...”

 

 

 

Brian had expected a lot of things, had expected more questions, more comments, maybe even more yelling about what an asshole he was for keeping this from Justin, but he would have never expected what happened next. He was shocked beyond words when Debbie was suddenly standing in front of him and engulfed him in a tight hug that nearly broke his ribs. Not that he cared, he really needed to be hugged, he really needed to be held and needed some comfort. He relaxed into her arms and felt himself hug her back, resting his head on her shoulder as she nearly squeezed him to death.

 

 

 

They stayed like that for several minutes before Debbie pushed back and looked at him from wide eyes. “Oh god, jeez. I am sorry. I shouldn't have done that... Not now when you've got a little one on board. I should have been more careful,” she stuttered and Brian couldn't help but smile at the woman in front of him. Trust Debbie to immediately worry about something as harmless as a hug.

 

 

 

“I am glad you did,” was all he replied quietly. 

 

 

 

“I am gonna be a grandma again... God, I can't believe it... Me, a grandma four times over... Jeez...,” Debbie exclaimed before turning worried eyes on Brian. “I will be, right?”

 

 

 

Brian nodded and couldn't help but smile at his surrogate mother's obvious joy.

 

 

 

“When... I mean... how long... Why haven't you told me?” Now the questions started and Brian couldn't help but chuckle at the blubbering mess in front of him. 

 

 

 

“Three and a half months and I am telling you now,” he answered quietly, once more sitting down at the table.

 

 

 

“Are you taking good care of yourself, honey?” Debbie asked and Brian felt something inside him warm at the concern in her voice. At least someone worried about him, even if his own mother couldn't be bothered, at least Debbie loved him and was concerned about his well-being.

 

 

 

“No, Debbie. I am going out every night getting my brains fucked out while getting drunk and high at the same time,” Brian snarked, but stopped when he saw the thunderous expression on Debbie's face. “Of course I am. What do you think?”

 

 

 

“Good, I want my grandkid to be fine and healthy, so you better make sure to take care of yourself,” Debbie wagged one coloured nail in his face.

 

 

 

“Yes, Ma,” Brian dutifully nodded and watched as Debbie walked over to her fridge, pulled out some leftovers from dinner and put it in front of him. “I am not gonna eat that,” he looked horrified at the pasta salad she had put in front of him. Didn't she know how many carbs that thing had? 

 

 

 

“Yes, you will. You will bloat like a whale anyway. What does it matter?”

 

 

 

“Thanks for reminding me. I can always count on you for the painful truth,” Brian muttered darkly, before taking a forkful of salad under Debbie's concerned gaze.

 

 

 

“And I've always felt like eating makes painful conversations easier, so just think of it as some kind of encouragement now you can't get liquid strength anymore,” she pointed out as she sat down next to him and took a forkful of salad herself.

 

 

 

“I didn't know we were going to have a painful conversation. Isn't this the one where you're all happy and excited about becoming a grandma again and pestering my ass for the next five to six months?”

 

 

 

“Oh, we're going to have that conversation as well, but first you're going to tell me why you're not telling Sunshine about this baby he's having with you,” Debbie said in her no nonsense voice, looking Brian straight in the eyes. “And don't even think about giving me any of your bullshit as a reply. You know I could see right through it ever since you were a teenager.”

 

 

 

Brian laid down his fork and sighed. He didn't see the smile on Debbie's face as his hand once again unconsciously wandered to his stomach and rested on the bump there. 

 

 

 

“I can't do that to him. We... we didn't plan on this to happen. It was an accident and... I can't force him to come back and give up his chance at a career for a careless mistake we made,” Brian said quietly.

 

 

 

“A mistake?” Debbie raised an eyebrow at him and Brian could immediately see the disapproval in her eyes.

 

 

 

“Come on, you know what I mean. We didn't plan on this to happen. It's not like we talked about wanting to have a family and were actively trying for one. This was not planned and... it was an accident.”

 

 

 

“Is that what you're going to tell this baby? 'Sorry, your daddy and I didn't plan on you, you were a mistake, but unfortunately we couldn't return you, so here you are'.” 

 

 

 

“What? Where the fuck is that coming from?” Brian exclaimed. “Don't tell me Michael wasn't an accident either... I am sure you didn't plan on getting pregnant right after finishing high school.”

 

 

 

“No, it wasn't planned, but I have never let him feel like he was an accident or worse a mistake,” Debbie replied calmly.

 

 

 

“And you think I will do that? Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Brian snarked as he nearly jumped up from the chair and turned for the door.

 

 

 

“You get your ass back in that chair. We are not done here,” Debbie said in a stern voice and the look she gave Brian brokered no argument. In the end, after glaring at her for several moments, he quietly returned to his chair again.

 

 

 

Brian was still glaring at Debbie when he spoke next, his voice tinged in anger and frustration. “I know you don't think much of me, but trust me, I would never ever do something like that to my child. This might not be planned and it might not be the best of times, but...,” Brian stopped and this time consciously led his hand to his bump and rested it there.

 

 

 

“You're still happy about it,” Debbie finished for him and all Brian could do was nod. She eyed the man next to her, a man she had seen grown up from a hurt, confused boy into a hurt, confused and complex adult with commitment issues like no one else she had ever seen, but she had also seen him overcome all that and had seen him work through that with Justin's help and had seen him settle into what could only be described as a relationship. He had become a great father to Gus and Debbie knew how committed to that role Brian was even though the girls had taken his son away to another country. 

 

 

 

“I didn't plan on this to happen... I probably would have never agreed to this if Justin had wanted it, but... now that the baby is here and things can't be changed, I can't help but be happy about it. I want this baby,” he whispered and then looked up at Debbie from sad eyes.

 

 

 

The woman nodded at him, clearly understanding his feelings. She had been in his shoes once as well, 35 years ago and back then she hadn't planned on becoming pregnant either, but god knew she had been happy as well and had wanted Michael as well. 

 

 

 

“Don't you think he might feel the same?” She asked quietly, moving her hand to gently rest on Brian's.

 

 

 

“He will... and he will do the right thing and will close up his studio in New York and will come back and then we can be a happy family,” Brian said seriously.

 

 

 

“And that's a bad thing?” Debbie frowned in confusion.

 

 

 

“He will do it because it's what's expected of him and maybe even because he thinks he wants this, but... I can't force him into something he's not ready for. He's only 22, Deb. He's still trying to find his place in the world. He is still trying to build his career and...I have no right to take that away from him.”

 

 

 

“Brian, honey. If you think for a moment that Sunshine would ever choose a career over this baby, you don't know him at all.”

 

 

 

“I know him better than you think,” Brian just answered quietly, then turned to look at Debbie from pained eyes. Debbie was hit by the intensity of the pain she saw in those expressive hazel eyes.

 

 

 

“He will come back and he will be happy and we will move to Britin and who knows, we might even get married. This baby will be born and he will be a doting father. He will be a great father because he just has this chemistry with children and he will take to this new child just like he's taken to Gus and JR and the child will love him too just like they love him. And he will be happy, I will be happy. We will be happy as a family and then... then every day life will start again and at one point I will go back to start working at Kinnetik and he will stay at home and take care of this child and he'll still be happy because that's who he is, but... years down the line... he won't be happy anymore. He will come to resent that life because he will see himself as nothing else than my glorified boy toy. He will come to resent me for taking his chance at a career away and he will come to resent our child for destroying whatever plans he had for his future, for our future. And then? Then he will leave, but it won't only be me he will be leaving behind, he'll also be leaving behind a small, innocent child who won't understand what is happening...”

 

 

 

By the time Brian finished with his dystopic vision of what their life together would end up like, Debbie could see the tears in his eyes. She felt her heart break for the man in front of her who right now looked nothing more than the scared and hurt boy again that had come into her house more than twenty years ago. And much like she had done back then, she leaned over and engulfed him in a strong, motherly hug. Because one thing was obvious: This man needed a mother's love just as much as the boy more than 20 years ago had needed it.

 

 

 

“Honey... I know you think this is what will happen, but... the future is not set in stone. Don't you think you're overreacting?” She tried to soothe him. 

 

 

 

“I know him, Debbie. Better than you think. Unlike public belief we didn't only fuck and suck, we also talked and... I know about his dreams and what he wants in life. We talk about these things,” Brian explained and Debbie only nodded. Yes, some people might think about their relationship like Brian had described it, but she had never been one of those people. She had seen the deep bond between Brian and Justin, she had seen them fight obstacles together and she had always known that there was a real foundation for their relationship, otherwise it wouldn't have lasted as long as it did.

 

 

 

“Brian, you can't make a decision this big for him. Deep down you know that. You might think you're doing the right thing, but... I don't think you've really looked at it from all angles.”

 

 

 

“I have... believe me, I have... I can't take this chance away from him. This is what he has always wanted. And he has a right to pursue his dreams. He's... we're not at the same place in life, Deb. And... we've always known it. Just because I might be at an age and in a position to settle down, he's not. He's so young... He hasn't even had a chance to find his own feet in life. He deserves that and... I won't take that away from him. I will not! He can't find out,” Brian said, looking at his surrogate mother imploringly.

 

 

 

Debbie decided to let it go for now, she knew when there was no point in trying to convince Brian of something. She could see the pain he was in and she could see the pain his own decision was causing him, so instead of arguing with him and pointing out the error of his ways, she decided to be supportive. Brian was pregnant and she knew how scary that had to be for him, she knew how much he needed a mother right now to support him. Chastising him and pointing out the error of his ways where Justin was concerned could wait until later as far as she was concerned. All this emotional stress couldn't be good for the baby, so for now she would let it rest and would be there for him.

 

 

 

“Who else knows about this?” Debbie asked after another long silence, deciding that it was time for a change of topic.

 

 

 

“Ted, I guess Cynthia suspects something is up and Jennifer.”

 

 

 

“Jennifer?” Debbie raised an eyebrow as if to ask for confirmation that they were talking about the same Jennifer. 

 

 

 

“She found out when she came to confront me at the loft, I didn't plan on telling her,” Brian explained quietly and Debbie nodded. That made more sense to her.

 

 

 

“How did she take it?”

 

 

 

Brian only raised an eyebrow as if to ask if she was serious with her question and Debbie nodded. “I thought so.”

 

 

 

“What about Teddy? How did he take it?” Debbie asked, hoping that there had been at least one person who had been supportive of Brian so far.

 

 

 

“He's beyond pissed and angry that I won't tell Justin and is hiding behind a wall of professionalism whenever he has to be in the same room as me,” Brian sighed.

 

 

 

“You need to give him time, honey.”

 

 

 

Brian only nodded and Debbie couldn't help but see the sadness that emanated from every pore of the body next to hers. This was not how a pregnancy should be, she thought to herself. Being pregnant was supposed to be a happy time, a slightly scary time, but most of all an exciting time. Not a time filled with pain and arguments.

 

 

 

“Do you know what it will be? A boy or a girl?”

 

 

 

When Brian shook his head, Debbie lifted his chin with her index finger and made him look at her. “You better let me know as soon as you find out. Grandma Deb is calling dibs on all the fun stuff to buy for grandchildren,” she smiled widely and smacked her gum for good measure.

 

 

 

When Brian eyed her as if she had grown a second head, she just laughed at him and hugged him once more. “You're pregnant, honey. That means I will be a grandma again. If you think my grandmaternal instincts died down with Gus, Hunter and JR, you have no idea what's coming your way.”

 

 

 

“God help us all,” Brian whispered in mock-horror and couldn't help but smile at the woman who had always been more of a mother to him than his own. Debbie might have many faults, but Brian knew that no matter what she was still a mother and in the end her maternal instincts always won over. 

 

 

 

“Hey, no criticizing the grandma, you hear me? Every time you do, that means less diaper changing help for you,” Debbie smacked her gum again and then picked up her fork once more, urging Brian to do the same. “Eat! You're eating for two now. Don't even think I am not going to force-feed you for the next few months now that I know.”

 

 

 

Brian grasped his shirt in mock-horror and smiled at his surrogate mother gently. “Thanks, Ma.”

 

 

 

“You're having my grandchild, that makes you like my second favourite person in the world right now,” Debbie cackled madly, then turned to Brian with a frown. “Does he know?”

 

 

 

When Brian only shook his head, Debbie nodded in understanding. The relationship between Brian and Michael had been strained for a long time now. After the bombing she had thought that things were getting better between them, but for some reason Michael didn't seem to understand that Brian wasn't the same person anymore he had been for years. Michael had gone along with the wedding and had agreed to be Brian's best man which had made Debbie believe that everything was good between them, but after the wedding had been cancelled and Justin had moved to New York, she couldn't help but notice how their friendship had started declining again. From what she had heard on the gay grapevine – sometimes working at the diner sure had its advantages – Michael was acting as if Justin had never been a part of Brian's life now that he was in New York and was behaving as if Brian was still the same person he had been years ago before Justin had come into their life. She had heard rumours about Michael urging Brian to go out and trick to his heart's delight several times a week and she had also heard a rumour from Emmett that Ben wasn't too pleased about his husband's behaviour. At times she wondered what was going on in Michael's head and why it was so hard for him to see and accept that not only had he changed, but Brian had changed as well.

 

 

 

Just because Justin had moved to New York didn't mean that they were over, though... thinking about the most recent events, they most likely were. But not for the reasons Michael thought. Brian's love for Justin had never been an issue. Debbie sighed when she realised that maybe Brian was even loving the blond too much for his own good and was sacrificing too much for the other man's happiness at the expense of his own. She really wondered why Michael couldn't see the deep bond between Brian and Justin. The only explanation that came to her was that he didn't want to see it and was intentionally turning a blind eye on it. Why, she didn't want to go down that road and didn't want to think about that.

 

 

 

“I...,” Brian started and looked at Debbie helplessly. “I don't know how he'll react.”

 

 

 

Debbie sighed and nodded in agreement, she could understand Brian's fear. “And you don't need another person to rain on your happiness about this pregnancy. I get it, honey. Believe me, I do.”

 

 

 

Brian knew that Debbie understood and he felt good about having told her the truth. After all Debbie had been pregnant with Michael as well and had been on her own during that pregnancy. If anyone understood what he was going through, he knew it would be her. She had been in his shoes, she had gotten pregnant without planning to do so and he knew that just like him she had still been happy about the pregnancy anyway. No matter what. Just like he was. If anyone understood him, it would be Debbie and Brian already felt slightly better after having told her and after knowing that she was still on his side.

 

 

 

“I won't tell him. Not until you're ready to tell him first,” she promised and then kissed him soundly on his cheek. She then smiled widely at him and pinched his cheeks in what felt like a death grip. “You'll be fine, honey. You and the baby, you both will be. I know it.”

Chapter 8

 

“I can't believe you would ever do this to him. How could you? Do you have any idea how much he loves you? How much he's hurting right now because of what you're doing to him? You are an asshole, Brian! The worst kind of asshole out there,” Emmett yelled before he made his way over to the door of Brian's office. As he was ready to leave, he turned around once more for his parting shot, only to be interrupted by Brian's cold, harsh voice.

 

“Yeah, what's new, Emmett? He knew what he was getting into from the beginning and now it's over. He's in New York, where he should focus on his career and not cry over a past that is not going to be his future. I will not be his future.”

 

“I hope you'll end up alone and lonely without friends and love in your life. That's what you deserve after treating him like shit. And I can assure you, he will get over you and he will find the one person that completes him and can give him things you never could and would and he will be happy. Happier than he has ever been with you. Don't bother calling me, Brian. You're dead to me!” 

 

With that Emmett left and Brian was finally alone in his office. He frowned when he heard Ted's voice call out Emmett's name, but when he heard nothing else, he stopped listening and sunk into his office chair. This day was quickly turning into a day from hell.

 

Ten minutes ago Emmett had shown up and had started ripping into him right away about his behaviour towards Justin and had hardly given him a chance to open his mouth and defend himself. Not that there was much he could say to defend himself. Instead he had opted for supporting Emmett's point of view that he was the asshole everyone assumed he was. Maybe Emmett would get back info about their conversation to Justin and Justin would finally get a hint that they were over.

 

He wondered if Emmett had meant it when he had said that Brian was dead to him. Brian frowned, wondering how he would feel about that if it was true. Maybe Emmett was just really angry and needed some time to calm down.

 

Then again Brian couldn't help but wonder if maybe that wouldn't a bad thing. Emmett had always been more Justin's friend than his and Emmett just loved his 'baby'. Brian wondered how Emmett would react once he found out the real reason for Brian's behaviour. He didn't think Emmett would be able to keep it a secret. He would probably tell Justin as soon as he knew because he would feel like his 'baby' deserved to know the truth. Maybe it was better for everyone involved if Emmett considered Brian dead to him. That way Justin wouldn't find out the truth from the tall queen. 

 

Brian was interrupted in his thoughts when Ted entered his office. Brian sighed once more, wondering if his CFO would be the next on the list of people to rip into him. 

 

“Now is not a good time, Theodore,” Brian just muttered, burying his face in a folder on his desk.

 

“Are you okay, Brian?” Ted asked and for a second Brian almost felt as if there was something like concern in his CFO's voice.

 

“Is it any of your concern?” Brian snapped, then returned to reading the file.

 

“I know that we've had our differences and disagreements recently, but... I am still your friend, Brian and the fact is, you're pregnant and excuse me for worrying if my pregnant friend is okay or not after he has just been yelled at for ten minutes non-stop.”

 

“You heard?” Brian rubbed his hand over his forehead in frustration. When had his place of business turned into a circus with daily entertainment for all employees in the form of him having arguments with someone?

 

“It was hard not to. Emmett can be really loud if he wants to,” Ted smiled carefully when he said that. 

 

“Who else heard?”

 

“Most people are on lunch break, so I think you're safe. But... I think you need to talk to Cynthia. She knows that something is going on and I think you need to let her know the truth. She's growing suspicious of all these visits that end in huge yelling matches and... she knows something is off between you and Justin,” Ted ended.

 

“So she can yell at me, too?” Brian raised an eyebrow at the man opposite his desk. If Ted thought for a moment that Cynthia would be okay with what Brian was doing, he was wrong. Cynthia had always liked Justin, she had always liked them together and had been a staunch supporter of their relationship.

 

“You can't keep this a secret from her forever. She's your COO. She will have to know sooner or later. Plans will need to be made for when the baby is born and you need her to keep the company running while you're not here,” Ted said matter-of-factly.

 

“Yeah, yeah...,” Brian sighed, slamming the file on his desk closed. “I know you're right, but...”

 

“Think of it like ripping off a bandaid. The faster you get it over with, the sooner it will be done,” Ted supplied helpfully and Brian only nodded at him.

 

“Fine...,” Brian sighed once more, before checking something on his computer. “Can you schedule a meeting for 4pm with her? And don't think for a second that you're going to get out of that meeting. You'll be there, too,” Brian glared at Ted.

 

“Wouldn't dream of being anywhere else, boss,” Ted smirked before leaving Brian's office. 

 

Brian felt his stomach sink when he heard Ted talk to a person he didn't want to see and really didn't feel like dealing with only minutes after Emmett had yelled at him.

 

“Jennifer, what a surprise,” Brian could hear his CFO's voice and couldn't help but snicker when he heard the nervousness in that voice.

 

“Ted, hello. Is Brian in his office?”

 

“Yes, he is, but... I think he's really busy right now,” Ted replied evasively and Brian could hear Jennifer's voice soon after.

 

“Don't worry, this won't take long.”

 

A few seconds later he saw the door to his office open and saw Jennifer enter. She determinedly walked over to his desk and sat down in the chair opposite it without waiting for an invitation.

 

“Is this a new habit of yours? Making yourself comfortable without invitation?” Brian snarked at her, not hiding his displeasure about her visit.

 

“I am not here to argue with you, Brian,” she said coldly, making it clear that she meant business.

 

“Then why are you here?” Brian asked her, his voice sounding cold and indifferent to his own ears.

 

“I know what you're doing, Brian and I know that you're doing it at a large cost to yourself. You're sacrificing your own happiness, so Justin can have the career he deserves. You love him enough to sacrifice your own dreams, so he can have his. I might not agree with what you're doing, but I can see the simple truth: You love him,” she started and Brian felt uncomfortable with how easily she could look through him.

 

“You love him more than you love yourself and you feel like sacrificing your own happiness is what you have to do to ensure his. That is very noble, if bullshit. Justin wouldn't want you to do this.” When she saw that Brian was about to interrupt her, she raised her hand, effectively stopping him from saying anything. “Let me finish, please.”

 

When Brian nodded his assent, she went on.

 

“He wouldn't want you to do this and when he finds out the truth behind your behaviour, he'll hate you. He will never forgive you, but I guess that's a risk you're willing to take and I also realise that nothing I will or could say will change your mind, so I am not here to argue with you again or try doing that again.”

 

At Brian's surprised look, she couldn't help but chuckle. “Believe me, I know how stubborn you can be and I know when fighting is futile, so I am not going to waste my time and my words on trying to convince you of how wrong you are.” She cleared her throat before she went on. “I won't tell Justin about your pregnancy. I will keep your secret,” she started, but stopped at the confused look on the face of her almost son-in-law.

 

“I will allow you to go on with your plan, no matter how foolhardy it is,” she continued after several seconds of silence between them. “However... I have one condition.”

 

Brian raised an eyebrow at the woman sitting opposite him, wondering what her condition might be.  

 

“And what could that be?” He drawled, not wanting to let her see how intrigued he was by what she was saying.

 

“I want a relationship with my grandchild,” she said calmly, looking him straight in the eyes. She hadn't expected Brian to burst out laughing at her request, to be honest, that was the last thing she had expected. 

 

“Is that funny to you?” She asked, the annoyance clear to hear in her voice.

 

“You really are something else, you know that?” Brian was still laughing, trying to calm down. 

 

“You might find it strange, but I can actually understand your reasoning for not wanting to let Justin know about the pregnancy. Better than you think. I still don't agree, but I can see where you're coming from and... I can also see what price you're paying to do this, but... I am not willing to pay the same price and sacrifice my relationship with my grandchild out of some wrong sense of family obligation or loyalty.”

 

“Family obligation? That's what you call your relationship with Justin?” Brian's eyes had gone from amused to an angry glare.

 

“Oh, don't even try playing that blame game with me, Brian. You know that I love Justin more than anything. You know the things I have sacrificed for his happiness. The things I have sacrificed so he could be happy with you,” she said pointedly.

 

“Your membership to the country club? Your nice mansion in a good part of town? Jennifer, I never knew you were that shallow,” Brian drawled.

 

“I never cared about any of those. Don't you dare judge me without knowing what you're talking about.”

 

“Then why not explain to me what you're talking about?”

 

“How do you think it made me feel that he preferred living with you instead of me after he came out of the hospital? God, you don't know how quickly he wanted to get out of the house so he could get back to you. You don't know how much it hurt that I couldn't help my son when all I wanted to do was hold him and protect him and be there for him. But it wasn't me he wanted... no, it was you. He didn't need me and didn't want me to help him, but you. And I let go of him because I knew that if I ever wanted to see my son be the person he was again, I needed to let you take over because I couldn't be what he needed at that moment. So I let him go and let him be with you, but don't... don't for a second think that I wasn't sacrificing a part of myself there,” she angrily exclaimed, glaring at Brian.

 

“Jennifer, I...,” Brian started, but didn't quite know how to continue. He had always known how much she loved her son, he had always known how much she had tried to do right by him and Molly and if he was honest with himself, he had also known that somewhere along the line she had to have let go of a part of herself that defined her life. After all she had only ever been a wife and mother until her divorce from Craig. And letting someone else take over in taking care of her son when all she had ever been was a wife and mother had to have felt like giving up a part of herself, had to have felt like giving up a part of her identity. “I can imagine how hard that was for you, but... you did the right thing,” Brian ended.

 

“I know, but we both know that just because something is right doesn't always make it easy.”

 

Brian nodded at that, because really, she was right. There was no contradicting her on that.

 

“Why are you doing this?” He asked her after several minutes of silence in which they both hung onto their own thoughts. 

 

“I understand why you think you have to do this, Brian. I really do. And I understand how much it must hurt you as well, and... you might be able to give up Justin for the sake of your child... call me weak, but I am not ready to give up my grandchild to prove a point to Justin,” she said in a voice hardly above a whisper. “I want a relationship with my grandchild, Brian. I never... I never really saw myself as a grandmother to Justin's children after he told us that he was gay, I... I know there are ways and I know you have Gus, but... I don't know, I have never really dared to imagine that he would have children one day and now, now there will be a child of his and... I won't let go of being that child's grandmother just to prove to him how much I love him.”

 

Jennifer looked at Brian from determined eyes before she continued. “I will keep your secret, I will go along with it for the sake of Justin's life and career if you will allow me a relationship with my grandchild. That is my condition.”

 

“Why did you change your mind? What happened to 'He has a right to know about his baby'?” Brian asked her, his voice sounding more curious than anything.

 

“I still think he does, but... like I said, I can see your reasoning. I do understand why you're doing this,” Jennifer explained. “I can see why you want him to have the career he deserves, I want him to have it too. His talent is too precious to not be recognised. And... I agree that he's too young to settle like this,” Jennifer sighed. “Craig and I married too young and had children too young. I have never worked, but immediately got pregnant after college and all throughout our marriage I was dependent on whatever crumbs Craig would throw my way. Justin couldn't live like that, he's too stubborn and too independent for a life like that. He... he needs to find his place in life before he can have a family. I don't want him to end in the same situation I did. So yes, I think he has a right to know about this baby, but at the same time, I agree with you that he's not ready for a family. Not now.”

 

Jennifer buried her face in her hands. “God, I am an awful mother. What mother would say something like that?”

 

Brian got up from his chair and walked around his desk, kneeling next to Jennifer. He rested his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. “A mother that truly loves her son,” Brian said quietly. “There was never any doubt about that, Jennifer. He's always known and... so have I.”

 

Brian grabbed the chair next to Jennifer's and pulled it closer, sitting down in it, his hand still on her shoulder. For a moment he frowned at the image and wondered what had come over him. Why was he comforting Justin's mother? Why was he at her side instead of snarking at her? God, those pregnacy hormones were driving him crazy. Because, Brian knew it had to be the hormones. There was no other explanation for what he was about to do.

 

“I would be honoured if you would be our child's grandmother. Between you and Debbie, this child will be smothered in grandmotherly love.”

 

“Debbie knows?” Jennifer asked quietly, raising her eyes to meet Brian's. When Brian only nodded in reply, she nodded as well. “I am glad.”

 

“She's already planning on buying toys, clothes and diapers until this child is 25!” Brian groused and Jennifer could only chuckle at the expression on his face. 

 

“Between the two of us you should be covered for life then.”

 

“I guess there are worse things in life,” Brian shrugged.

 

“Thank you, Brian,” Jennifer said sincerely. “I really appreciate this.”

 

“No, thank you. I know how hard this is for you and... thank you,” Brian said, meeting her gaze face on. He had a feeling that they had come to a silent understanding. They might not agree about his course of action where Justin was concerned, but at least they had found some common ground on which to make sure that Jennifer could have a relationship with her grandchild and on which Brian could make sure that his child would have both his or her grandmothers in their life while Justin got the life and career he deserved. The career he had always dreamed of and had worked so hard for in recent months. 

Chapter 9

 

 

 

Brian sighed as he watched himself in the mirror and just couldn't seem to be able to hide his bump. No matter what he had tried on, the bump was always visible. Of course that wasn't really surprising seeing how he was now 20 weeks pregnant, but still it annoyed him extremely on this specific evening.

 

 

 

Brian had resigned himself to the fact that his bump would be harder and harder to hide and he had also resigned himself to the fact that his designer clothes didn't fit anymore. He had been slightly relieved when Ted had pointed out a tailor to him that offered services to re-do designer wear so it would fit pregnant men as well. Apparently designer paternal wear wasn't a thing yet. Being the genius that Brian was, he had immediately reached out to a couple of his favourite designers and had hinted in the direction. Maybe one day there would be designer paternal wear as well, even though it would be too late for him. 

 

 

 

After a few tense and stressful weeks at work things at Kinnetik had finally calmed down. Brian had followed Ted's advice and had informed Cynthia about his pregnancy. At first she had been ecstatic but once she had realised that the pregnancy had been the reason for his disappearance when Justin had come into town, she had refused to speak to him for almost two weeks. She had joined him in meetings and had stayed professional, but outside of work related topics she hadn't even given him as much as good morning greeting. 

 

 

 

He still wasn't quite sure why she had suddenly changed her tune, but he had a feeling that it had something to do with Ted, who had probably tried to calm her down and the fact that she saw Mother Taylor make regular visits to Kinnetik. Jennifer had taken it upon herself to make sure that Brian was eating healthily – as if that had ever been a problem for him -  and not overworking. Secretly he wondered if Mother Taylor had spoken to his COO, because Cynthia had been back to her cheery self a day after one of Jennifer's visits to his office. Not really having wanted to dwell on it too much, he had just accepted that she had finally decided to speak to him again and had been happy to know that she had his back once more.

 

 

 

Over the last three weeks he, Ted and Cynthia had had several meetings to come up with ideas of how to cover Brian's pregnancy and the time after the pregnancy when Brian would be a single parent to a baby. They all were realistic enough to know that the days of Brian working for 12 hours six days a week were definitely over. There was just no way he could work those hours with an infant at home and if he was honest with himself, he also didn't want to.

 

 

 

Now that he had had a bit of time to get used to the idea of being pregnant, he was really happy, kind of excited even. Knowing that he was carrying a child that would be a perfect mixture of him and Justin gave him comfort whenever he felt alone and scared. He had immediately fallen in love with Gus when he had been born and he just knew that it would be the same with this child.

 

 

 

The last ultrasound had only been two days ago and Brian had been beyond excited to see his baby on the ultrasound screen once more and to hear the steady heartbeat of his little one. The doctor had confirmed that everything looked good and when he had asked Brian if he wanted to know whether it was a boy or a girl, Brian had said no. In the end all that mattered was that his baby would be healthy. Boy or girl – he didn't care.

 

 

 

What he cared about however was the fact how his baby was going to be cared for. He had talked to Debbie and Jennifer repeatedly and while both grandmothers had offered support and babysitting services, Brian kind of wanted to be there for his baby himself. He didn't want to go back to work immediately after childbirth and he didn't want to spend long hours in the office while there was a baby at home that needed him. He didn't want to miss any important phases or steps in his baby's life and he wanted to be there for things such as first words, first steps and first scratched knees. He had never told anyone, but it kind of gnawed at him that he had missed so many of Gus' firsts. Of course things had been different then and he had never expected to be anything but a sperm donor to his sonny boy who was being raised by his mothers, but ever since holding him for that first time at the hospital, he had loved his son unconditionally and now, years later, he knew that he would never get those years back. He would never be able to see Gus' firsts again. He wouldn't make the same mistake with his second child and wouldn't miss anything there.

 

 

 

He might not have planned on becoming a father, he might not have wanted a child, but now that things had been taken out of his hands and he had accepted the situation for what it was, he was actually excited at the prospect and he had also found his peace with the idea of turning into a full-time father. There was no way he would let nannies or family take care of his child when he could do it himself. His child would always know that he loved him or her and he would always be there for it.

 

 

 

Both Ted and Cynthia had agreed to take over more responsibility at Kinnetik and to take over some of Brian's workload. They had hired two new accountants and one new PA to make sure that they both would actually have time for their new tasks. After a transition period of two weeks, things had finally settled and everyone had settled into the new rhythm at Kinnetik. Brian's workload had already decreased immensely and this week had been the first week where he had actually been able to follow Debbie's request of taking a step back and only working half days. He still had final say on all campaigns, but he wasn't in all meetings anymore. Ted and Cynthia had basically taken over the day to day runnings of Kinnetik and as much as Brian hated giving up control, he knew that there was no way he would be able to do everything himself. Not while pregnant and raising an infant.

 

 

 

He would continue working half days for the next eight to ten weeks and then he would slowly remove himself from Kinnetik's day to day business. He would still be in contact with Ted and Cynthia and he would still be there to oversee their biggest campaigns, but he wouldn't go into the office every day anymore. He would work from home on whatever he could and who knew? One day when the baby was born and things had settled he might take over a more active role at Kinnetik again.

 

 

 

For now however, Brian was pretty happy with the plans they had made and was looking forward to concentrating fully on his pregnancy.

 

 

 

Justin was still calling him, was still sending emails and was still trying to get in contact with him, but Brian could see that his attempts to get in contact with Brian were slowing down. Where a few weeks ago Justin had tried calling him several times a day he was now calling once a day. Some days he wasn't calling at all and Brian was only receiving emails. Brian knew that he was hurting Justin, he knew that Justin was beyond angry at him at this point and he felt bad about treating his partner of five years like that, but just looking down at his bump, resting his hand on the curve of his lower abdomen, he knew why he was doing it and got new resolve to go through with his plan. He knew that one day soon Justin would stop calling, would stop emailing him and would finally accept the harsh truth of Brian's actions. Justin was strong and Brian knew that even though he might be hurting now, he would move on. He would forget about Brian, would focus on his career in New York and he would live a happy life there. He would get the life he had always dreamed of and Brian would be happy for him. Justin deserved it more than anyone else.

 

 

 

Brian sighed when he wasn't happy with the way his shirt stretched over his bump once again. He undressed once more and went to his closet to look for a wider, less tight shirt that would rather hide his stomach than accentuate it.

 

 

 

The ringing of his cell phone interrupted him. Brian frowned as it was too early for a call from Justin. As he picked up his phone he smiled when he saw that it was Lindsay calling him.

 

 

 

“Hey sonny boy,” he greeted cheerily, a smile growing on his face when he was greeted back by his son.

 

 

 

“Daddy!”

 

 

 

“How was your day?”

 

 

 

“It was good. Mommy and I baked cookies. They were yummy.”

 

 

 

“Were they now? That's great.”

 

 

 

“Daddy?”

 

 

 

“Yes, sonny boy?” Brian frowned at the tone of Gus' voice which sounded kind of sad. 

 

 

 

“When will you come and visit me again? I miss you, Daddy.”

 

 

 

“I miss you, too, sonny boy. You have no idea. Things have been kind of stressful at work for the last few weeks, but you know what? I actually booked my tickets to come to visit you earlier today.”

 

 

 

“You will come and visit me?” Gus asked happily and in obvious excitement.

 

 

 

“Yes, I'll be there on Friday and I will stay the whole weekend,” Brian nodded even though Gus couldn't see him.

 

 

 

“Oh Daddy, that is great! I can't wait to see you again! Will you play soccer with me? At the park?”

 

 

 

Playing soccer had become their new thing and every time Brian had come over to visit Gus at their new home in Canada, they had gone to the park close to the munchers' house and had kicked around  for a few hours. Gus had actually joined a soccer team now and he had been beyond excited when his mommy had told him that his daddy had been a soccer player himself as well. Quite a good one at that.

 

 

 

“Of course, I will,” Brian promised, happy to hear his son being excited about his visit. He missed Gus, especially now that he was in another country. Yes, they talked on the phone regularly, but it just wasn't the same as seeing him and spending time with him.

 

 

 

“That is so great, Daddy. First Justin and now you. I am so happy,” Gus enthused.

 

 

 

“Justin?” Brian asked and frowned at the mention of his former partner's name.

 

 

 

“He was here and left earlier today. He came to paint with me and we also played soccer, but he's not as good as you, Daddy,” Gus said seriously. “He missed quite a few easy goals.”

 

 

 

Brian couldn't help but chuckle at the image of Justin playing soccer. Justin had always been a failure at team sports and had always been the artistic type instead of the sporty type, so it didn't surprise him that soccer wasn't really his thing. 

 

 

 

“Did you two have fun?” Brian couldn't help but ask even though he knew that he probably shouldn't. Justin wasn't his business anymore, he had made that decision for them weeks ago and he knew that he should just live with that decision, but if Justin was still visiting Gus and the girls, he figured that he could ask his son about those visits. It would be weird if he didn't, wouldn't it? 

 

 

 

“Yes, a lot of fun. He took me shopping and I got a lot of new colours to paint with. We even made a painting of you,” Gus excitedly told his father.

 

 

 

“You did? I bet it looks fabulous.”

 

 

 

“It looks nice, but...,” Gus stopped there, not sure how to continue and Brian could sense his son's hesitation. 

 

 

 

“But, sonny boy?”

 

 

 

“Justin was sad, I think... I think he was sad that you couldn't be here with him... It's always more fun if you two visit together and we all get to spend time together.”

 

 

 

Brian sighed at his son's words and he knew that he would have to explain to him somehow that he and Justin were not together anymore. He was glad that Justin was still going to Toronto to visit Gus and the girls, he knew how much Gus loved Justin and vice versa and he hoped that Justin would continue to have a relationship with his son despite what Brian had done to them and their relationship, but he couldn't go on pretending that things were alright between them. Even at five and half years old Gus would notice that something was off with them only visiting him separately. Not wanting to get into that conversation with his son on the phone, Brian made a promise to himself that he would talk to Gus on his next visit.

 

 

 

“Yes, that it is, but sometimes it can't be helped, sonny boy. But I will be there on Friday and I promise you that we'll have lots of fun together.”

 

 

 

“Yay, Daddy!” Gus exclaimed, before turning away from the phone. Brian could hear him talk to someone else for a few seconds before Gus came back on the phone. “Daddy, mommy says I have to say goodnight now and get ready for bed. Goodnight, Daddy! I love you!”

 

 

 

“I love you, too, sonny boy. You sleep tight!”

 

 

 

Brian then heard as the phone was handed over and he greeted Lindsay. “Hey Wendy.”

 

 

 

“Don't you Wendy me,” she angrily greeted back, but Brian could hear that there was some amusement in her voice. “So you're coming up for a visit? When were you going to tell us?”

 

 

 

“I am telling you now,” Brian answered matter-of-factly. 

 

 

 

“Shouldn't you have checked with us first? To see if we might have plans?”

 

 

 

“Do you?” Brian asked with a frown. The girls had only moved to Canada a few months ago and were still trying to settle in. As far as he knew they didn't have a lot of friends yet to spend their weekends with.

 

 

 

“No, but maybe you should have checked first if you are our only visitor. It wouldn't do for you to run into a certain blond artist, would it?”

 

 

 

“From what Gus tells me, he has just left, so I doubt he will be back right again next weekend,” Brian sighed, not wanting to get into the topic of Justin with Lindsay.

 

 

 

“Brian, why are you doing this? You should talk to him,” Lindsay urged, but was interrupted by Brian's cold voice.

 

 

 

“Look, Lindsay, it was nice talking to you, but I have to get ready now. Mikey will be pissed if I am late.”

 

 

 

“Michael? You're going out with Michael?”

 

 

 

“Why not? It might stop him from whining about how busy I am and how I never have time for him even though the boy wonder is finally out of my life,” Brian said, his voice tinged with something that sounded a lot like a mix of anger and frustration.

 

 

 

“I am glad you two are spending time together,” Lindsay said honestly. “I know how important he is to you. He's your best friend, Brian and he just wants to be there for you.”

 

 

 

As Michael was another topic that Brian didn't really want to get into, he decided to end the call rather sooner than later. “Look, I'll see you on Friday, okay? And then we can talk to your heart's content. Happy?”

 

 

 

“I am not sure, but whatever you say,” Lindsay replied, before ending the call. “You have fun tonight.”

 

 

 

“Yeah, thanks.”

 

 

 

Actually Brian was looking forward to his night with Michael as much as someone would look forward to a root canal. Michael had been an ass and had gotten on his nerves on end ever since he had found out that Brian had broken off all contact with Justin. Gone was the friend that had been happy to be his best man at his wedding and back was the friend that couldn't look past his stud status. More often than not, Michael had urged Brian to go out and have fun at Woodies or Babylon, telling Brian how important it was to get back into the game and to reclaim his throne as the king of Liberty Avenue. Michael didn't seem to understand that Brian had no intention of returning to his old lifestyle. Justin or no Justin, that part of Brian's life was over, not that Michael seemed to care.

 

 

 

In addition to being annoyed by Michael's behaviour anyway, it didn't help that Brian knew he wouldn't be able to keep his pregnancy a secret much longer. He knew that he would have to tell Michael about the baby soon, but he really didn't want to think about how that might make his friend feel. Brian just knew that Michael would have a field day with that information and would somehow find a way to blame Justin. Not even speaking of how shocked he would be when he found out that Brian had actually allowed Justin to top him. For some reason Michael seemed to have thought that their relationship had only been based on Brian fucking Justin senseless every chance he got and from the way Michael spoke about Justin at times, it felt as if he saw Justin as nothing more than a glorified boy toy that Brian had access to whenever he felt like it.

 

 

 

He had tried to avoid Michael for as much as he could in recent weeks and had only ever met with him whenever his whining had gotten too insistent and had grated on his nerves more than he could bear. Thank God Michael and the professor had been on vacation for the last ten days. Too bad they couldn't have gone longer.

 

 

 

Sighing once more as he tried on yet another shirt, Brian resigned himself to the knowledge that his times of hiding his pregnancy from Michael were most likely over and he finally had to tell him the news of his impending fatherhood.

 

 

 

With that thought in mind, Brian grabbed his keys and wallet and left the loft.

Chapter 10

 

Brian and Ted had escaped Michael's boring tales about his vacation with Ben and had excused themselves to the office to go over some balance sheets for Babylon. There weren't any balance sheets to go over as they had already done that earlier in the day at Kinnetik, but Brian would have been close to committing suicide if he had been forced to listen to one more story from Michael about how lovely the landscape in Arizona had been on their road trip. Judging by the expression on Ted's face, it had been the same for him.

 

Ted had felt kinda bad for having left Michael alone like that, but when they returned to him an hour later and he found Michael talking to some random twink about his 'best friend', the 'Stud of Liverty Avenue', who 'has been in the backroom for an hour fucking out people's brains', those thoughts immediately left him.

 

“Michael, we told you we were going to the office and that's where we went,” he sighed in exasperation wondering if the man really was as dense as he appeared to be.

 

“Of course, Ted,” Michael just laughed at him and waved his explanation off, before turning towards Brian who looked absolutely disinterested in whatever Michael seemed to be talking about.

 

“So, Brian. How many twinks did you fuck back there?”

 

“Zero,” he just announced in a bored voice.

 

“So did you get your cock sucked instead?” Michael went on asking and his voice sounded weirdly excited which completely put off Ted.

 

“Nope,” Brian only responded in the same bored voice.

 

“Why not, Brian?” Michael whined. He actually whined. What the fuck was wrong with him? Ted asked himself.

 

“As Ted has told you several times by now, we were in the office going over balance sheets, Michael. I was not in the backroom and there were no fuckable twinks in my office, nor did anyone offer to suck my cock in there.”

 

“Sorry, boss, but you know,” Ted winked and was glad when he actually saw an amused grin on Brian's face.

 

“Yeah, one man only, I know,” Brian chuckled.

 

“Brian, you are losing your touch,” Michael was in his face and looked at him like a petulant child. All that was missing was him crossing his arms. Oh, wait, there it was. The crossed arms and petulant whine were in place.

 

“My touch?” Brian frowned.

 

“Look at you, you're letting yourself go. Don't think I haven't noticed how much weight you have put on recently. Is it because boy wonder left? I thought you left him? So why care? You should be happy he's finally gone.”

 

“Michael, shut up,” Ted hissed at the dark haired man, seeing the anger on Brian's face. If Michael didn't shut up soon, there would be bloodshed at Babylon. Michael had been harping on about Justin all night and he didn't seem to have noticed how Brian's face had clouded over at every mention of the blond. Not that Ted was surprised, Michael had never been observant like that.

 

“Michael, stop talking about things you don't know anything about,” Brian only glared at his friend, before turning to the bartender and asking him for a bottle of water.

 

“Water? Are you kidding me?” Michael turned around to the bartender and ordered two shots of Beam for himself and his best friend.

 

“I don't want any, Michael,” Brian immediately stopped him, but as usual was ignored by his friend. 

 

When Michael put the glass in front of him, Brian made a display of taking his water bottle, opening it and taking a drink from it instead.

 

“Briiiiian, what is wrong with you? You need to make sure that you remind people of who you are! You need to show them that you are the King of Liberty Avenue. It's time to get back on your throne. What is with this weird behaviour? And all because of some twink that wouldn't go away when he should have?”

 

“Michael,” Brian angrily hissed, but then stopped and gasped. His eyes widened and then his hand flew to his stomach in what looked like obvious excitement. Both Ted and Michael eyed him in confusion and in Ted's case also concern. When he realised that Brian did indeed look excited as his hand rested on his stomach and when he saw a smile spread on his boss' face, he thought he understood what was going on. 

 

“Was it the first time?” He asked and was rewarded with a nod from Brian, who looked down at his bump in obvious enchantment. 

 

“The first what?” Michael asked, looking from Brian to Ted and back, not understanding what was going on.

 

Ted saw the moment the excitement left Brian's face and saw him straighten up and look at Michael seriously.

 

“We should go to the office. This is not a conversation I want to have here,” Brian just said and then turned to Ted. “I want you to come along,” he said quietly, before turning around and leaving in the direction of the office.

 

“Brian? What is going on, Brian?” Michael nearly yelled after him, causing several guests to turn their heads in his direction.

 

“You should follow him, if you want to find out,” Ted only muttered, before following Brian to the office.

 

When he entered it, he found Brian sitting in the office chair, his hand still resting on his bump.

 

“What does it feel like?” He couldn't help asking as he looked at his friend from curious eyes.

 

“Weirdly intense... I can't really describe it,” Brian said quietly, his voice sounding awed by the experience.

 

“What does what feel like?” Michael asked, slowly starting to get angry by being left out of whatever conversation Brian and Ted were obviously having.

 

“To feel the baby kick for the first time,” Brian just said with a happy expression on his face.

 

“B-baby?” Michael all but stuttered and his eyes widened in surprise. “What baby?”

 

“My baby,” Brian replied quietly, before lifting his shirt to reveal his bump. “I am pregnant.”

 

“P-pregnant? You?”

 

“Yes, me. I am 20 weeks pregnant, Mikey,” Brian repeated. 

 

“H-how?”

 

“I am sure you know how it works. You know? The flowers and the bees. Or in this case just the bees and the bees.”

 

“Y-you let that boy toy fuck you?” Michael asked in an angry voice and Ted wondered where that anger was coming from. What Brian and Justin did was none of Michael's business.

 

“If you're referring to my partner of the last five years and one time fiance, yes, I let Justin fuck me,” Brian spat, getting more and more angry by Michael's behaviour when it came to Justin.

 

“Why would you do that? You're the ultimate top, you... you never let anyone fuck you.”

 

“Well Mikey, I am sorry to burst your bubble, but after all I am just a normal gay man and love cock up my ass just like every other gay man as well. And believe me, his cock was there more than once.”

 

Brian and Ted watched as Michael paced the office like a caged animal, obviously trying to take in the information he had just received.

 

“When are you getting rid of it?” Michael asked next, stunning both Ted and Brian. It didn't seem that Michael wanted to know if Brian was going to keep the baby, apparently he had already decided that Brian wouldn't and just asked about the date now.

 

“I am not getting rid of my baby, Michael. What kind of person do you think I am?”

 

“So you're giving it up for adoption?”

 

Once again Brian could only exclaim an angry “No!”.

 

“You're letting him destroy your life?”

 

Both Brian and Ted knew who the him was Michael was referring to and Brian had a hard time reigning in his temper. “Having his baby is hardly destroying my life.”

 

“Of course it is. How will you ever reclaim your throne as the Stud of Liberty Avenue once everyone knows that you take it up the ass from a twink.”

 

“Michael, can you even hear yourself?” Ted asked, shaking his head in disgust at what his friend was saying.

 

“Listen to me, Michael. Are you listening?” Brian asked, getting up and walking over so he could look his friend right in the face. When Michael nodded, Brian continued, hoping that he could make him understand. “I don't give a fuck about what anyone else thinks. I am long past that. I love... loved,” he corrected himself quickly, “Justin. He is not and never has been just a twink or a boy toy or blond boy ass or whatever you like to call him. He was my fiance, I was ready to marry him. And not because he wanted it, but because I wanted it. I wanted to marry him. We might not have planned on having this baby, but you of all people should know that I would never even dream of aborting a baby that is mine. After everything you heard my parents say to me, how can you even think that of me? This baby might not have been planned, but it is a part of Justin that will always be with me and I will love it more than life itself.”

 

“You can't seriously think about having this baby. You are not a father, Brian. You love fucking, drinking and taking drugs. What kind of father would that make you?”

 

“I don't know, why don't we ask Gus what kind of father I am?” 

 

“Gus... seriously? You are nothing more than a drop in dad who shows up when Lindsey and Mel demand your appearance at a birthday party. You are not a father to him.”

 

“Michael,” Ted hissed once more, glaring at his friend. “You have no idea what you're talking about,” Ted angrily told him, feeling like he had to defend Brian. As Brian's accountant he knew how much money Brian gave to the girls for Gus care, he knew how much money Brian spent on flights to get to Canada and visit his son regularly, he knew how Brian would drop everything if Gus wanted to speak to him. Just because the girls weren't living in Pittsburgh anymore with the children didn't mean that Brian wasn't involved in his son's life.

 

“He never wanted a child, he called himself Gus' sperm donor and never wanted to be more. It's ridiculous that you think you want to be a father now,” Michael said as he turned from Ted to Brian.

 

“The only thing ridiculous here is the bullshit coming out of your mouth. How often have you been to see JR since the girls moved to Canada?”

 

“Brian, you know I don't have the money to constantly fly up there,” Michael started, but was immediately interrupted by Brian's angry words.

 

“Then why spend the money you have on a road trip through Arizona instead of visiting your daughter?”

 

“Brian... Ben and I are married, we deserve some time alone every once in a while.”

 

“Bullshit! You want to give me shit about the kind of father I am? At least I can make the time and effort and visit my son regularly. I really thought that being a father yourself you would be more supportive, you know?”

 

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room when it was obvious that Michael wouldn't respond to that statement.

 

“Brian, you do realise what is going on here, don't you?” Michael started again after a couple of minutes of silence in which the three men had glared angrily at each other.

 

“You're being a piece of shit, that's what's going on here,” Brian spat, sinking back into the sofa, his hands once more wandering to his bump and rubbing it.

 

“He must have punctured the condom so you would get pregnant. He must have planned this all along to secure his place in your life, so you would pay for him and his hobbies until the rest of his days. He just wants your money.”

 

Brian eyed Michael from incredulous eyes, then got up and was nearly in his face when he snarled at him. “Funny, he didn't even know I could get pregnant. Why would he do that?”

 

When Michael couldn't come up with an answer to that, Brian angrily continued. “And I don't see him here, do you? So obviously this masterplan of his hasn't worked, has it?”

 

When Michael was about to reply to that, Brian just stabbed his finger in Michael's chest, his voice full of venom when he next spoke.

 

“He has never taken money from me without paying me back! He has never cared about the money, but about making his own way in this world. He is not YOU!” Brian spat the last words, then turned away from what he realised used to be his friend. Michael wasn't his friend anymore. Those days were gone. Brian sadly had to admit that their friendship had run its course and there was no way he could stay friends with someone as hateful and spiteful as Michael.

 

“Get out,” he said quietly and when Michael didn't move, he turned towards him once more and yelled at him. “Get out! I don't want to see you again!”

 

“Brian, I am your best friend, you don't mean it,” Michael started, but didn't get any further than that when Ted walked up to him. 

 

“You should leave, Michael. I think you've caused enough harm for one night, don't you?”

 

“Me? I didn't do anything,” Michael exclaimed and started fighting when Ted grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the door. 

 

“Don't come back here before you realise how wrong that statement is,” Ted spat at him and then pushed Michael out the door, closing it right the second the man was outside.

 

For the next ten minutes they heard knocking on the office door and Michael yelling Brian's name, before Ted finally had enough and called security to remove him from the premises. The whole time Brian had just stood in front of the big desk in the office, lost in his own thoughts, not looking at anything in particular.

 

“Brian?” Ted asked quietly, not wanting to startle the other man, gently resting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

 

Realising what a stupid question that was under the circumstances, Ted wasn't surprised when Brian chose to ignore it and didn't give him an answer. 

 

“I think it's time to go home, you know?” Ted suggested, trying once more to get Brian's attention. He frowned when Brian shook his head.

 

“Brian?”

 

“He will show up at the loft. You know him... I can't go there,” Brian just stated matter-of-factly, his voice void of any emotion.

 

“You can stay with me and Blake if you want to,” Ted immediately offered, knowing that Brian was right. Michael would probably already be on his way to the loft, waiting there for Brian to show up.

 

Brian only shook his head once more and spoke before Ted could, who obviously wanted to say something about that.

 

“I'll stay at the office tonight and tomorrow,” he sighed, turning slowly to look at Ted, “I want you to look into moving companies.”

 

“Brian, you don't have to...,” Ted started, but Brian nodded at him sadly.

 

“Yes, I have to. Not only because of Michael, though. I have been thinking about it for a couple of weeks now... Michael just confirmed something I knew I had to do anyway,” he said quietly. “There is no way I can raise a kid at the loft. It's not a good place for an infant and... with Michael being the way he is, I don't want him showing up whenever it pleases him.”

 

“Should I call Jennifer tomorrow to find a place for you?”

 

When Brian only shook his head, Ted was utterly confused. “Brian, where will you go?”

 

“I want to get Britin ready,” Brian said in a voice hardly above a whisper, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

 

“I-I thought,” Ted started, not quite sure how to finish that sentence. Brian had bought Britin for Justin, it had been a present and a sign to show him how committed he was to their relationship and how he believed in their future together. Ted couldn't believe that Brian would actually want to move there. As far as he knew Brian had never been back there after Justin had left for New York.

 

“I bought it for him, but... that's not to be. I think... it seems quite fitting that his child will grow up there, don't you?”

 

“Yeah, if you say so,” Ted muttered, still trying to wrap his head around Brian moving to Britin. “The house is huge, Brian. Are you sure?”

 

“I can get a room ready for Gus, when he will come over to visit us and... I can get an office there so I can work from home. It is a big house, but... we'll make it work,” Brian said as he rubbed his stomach. “We'll make it work.”

Chapter 11 

 

Brian sighed happily as he flopped down in the rocking chair and rested his swollen feet. He took a look around the room and couldn't help but feel a smile creep up on his face as he took in the changing table, the crib and the closet that was already overflowing with romper suits the grandmas hadn't been able to resist buying for the newest member of the family that would be with them in about two months. 

 

Over the last two months Brian had busied himself with getting Britin ready so that he and his baby could live a comfortable life there. He had already moved in three days after that fateful night at Babylon where Michael had found out about his pregnancy and had remodeled the property while already living there. That hadn't always been easy, but he would have been damned if he had accepted any of the offers he had received from Debbie, Jennifer or Ted to stay with them for the time of the remodeling. Staying with them would have driven him crazy and he had insisted on staying at Britin so he could oversee the remodeling himself.

 

He had started with the master bedroom, making sure that he would have a room to stay in and had then moved on to his office, so he could work from home during the last weeks of his pregnancy and the first months of his baby's life and had then finally moved on to the nursery. It had taken him forever to find furniture and colours that he had liked and that Gus had also approved of and every time he had thought he had been done, he had been reminded by someone – most often Jennifer and Debbie – that he had forgotten something. While working on the nursery, Brian had also started to get a room ready for Gus.

 

During his visit to Toronto, when he had informed Lindsay, Melanie and Gus about his pregnancy, he had talked to the girls and had asked them to have Gus join him at Britin every once in a while. There was no way he would be able to fly to Toronto or make the drive up there highly pregnant just like he wouldn't be able to fly up there to see his sonny boy once the baby was born. He had talked to Lindsay and Melanie and at first both women had been reluctant to agree to have Gus visit him in Pittsburgh, but in the end Lindsey had agreed when Brian had told her that he would foot the bill for the flights and would of course always include a ticket for one of the mothers to join Gus as he agreed that the boy was too young to fly on his own.

 

It had been weird to see Lindsay change her mind so quickly when he had thrown in that incentive, but at the time he had refused to think about it any further. In the following weeks his mind had often wandered back to his visit and to how strangely excited Lindsey had seemed about his pregnancy. There had been a definite gleam in her eyes when he had announced his news and for some strange reason she had immediately agreed with him that it was right to not inform Justin about the baby. He had expected Lindsay to put up more of a fight, seeing how she had always been supportive of their relationship and had often called Brian out on his bullshit during the years he had been with Justin, but this time she had agreed that Brian was doing the right thing, of course on account of Justin's career. Thinking about it, Brian had realised that it did make sense after all as Lindsay had always been just as supportive of Justin's career as she had been of their relationship. After all, hadn't it been her who had shown him the Art Forum article? Hadn't it been her who had pointed out what a great career move New York would be for Justin?

 

In the end Brian had refused to think much more about Lindsay and had just blamed her weird behaviour on the fact that Brian would be raising a child on his own and wanted to be more involved in his son's life at the same time. Something that obviously had not been expected by her.

 

Melanie had been a different story and had made her disagreement quite clear. She had called him names and had accused him of many bad things, but in the end had gone along with Lindsay. He didn't really know why, but he figured that Lindsay had to have convinced that wife of hers that he was doing the right thing. 

 

During that visit he had also talked to Gus and had told him about him and Justin not being together anymore. He had tried to explain as well as he could to a five year old that their relationship had finished and that they wouldn't come and visit Gus together anymore, but that instead Gus would now come to Pittsburgh and would visit him there. Gus had been confused and upset at first and it had taken Brian a considerable time to console his sad son. The news about Brian having a baby hadn't really helped matters. It had only upset Gus more and after some serious talking with his son, Brian had found out that Gus had been scared that Brian having a baby would mean he would forget about him and wouldn't have as much time anymore to spend with Gus as he had done so far. Gus had used JR as an example and Brian's heart had broken for his son when he had seen his tears.

 

He could understand where Gus had been coming from, after all JR had been born and immediately there had been the custody battle for her between Melanie, Lindsay and Michael. Things had changed drastically for his young son who had moved out of the only home he had ever known with Lindsay and Brian could understand why he might have gotten the impression that nobody had cared about him anymore. Brian had blamed himself for quite some time afterwards for not having seen what the custody battle and separation of his mothers had done to his son at the time and for not stepping up and spending more time with him then. In the end he had talked with Gus as honestly as he could and had promised to him that nothing would change in their relationship even with the new baby. He had promised Gus that he could come and visit him and the new baby as often as his mothers would allow and that he would always be the baby's big brother and could help Brian take care of his little sibling.

 

Gus had cheered up a bit at that prospect and by the end of Brian's visit, had even kissed his bump goodbye, promising his baby brother or sister that he would take good care of him or her. Brian's heart had melted and a tear or two had escaped his eyes – damn pregnancy hormones!- at Gus's words and he had only fallen more in love with his sonny boy. 

 

Ever since that visit to Toronto, Lindsay and Gus had come down to Pittsburgh and had visited him three times already. Gus had been excited to be staying at the big house with Brian and he had been even more ecstatic when Brian took him shopping to furnish his room. Gus' room now had a fire truck bed and Gus had been beyond ecstatic to spend his first night in the bed that was shaped like a fire truck. They had also gone and bought toys, so Gus would have something to pass the time and make the room really his.

 

Brian had been most amused however, when Gus had insisted that once his room had been done, he would need to help with the baby's room as well. After all he was the big brother and had to make sure the new baby would like the room. Gus had taken his job very seriously and had pulled Brian to three furniture stores before he had been happy with the crib and changing table they had finally chosen.

 

Every time Gus had come over for a visit, Brian had made sure to include his son in his pregnancy as much as he could. He had allowed Gus to read to the baby whenever he had learned a new word to read and had also allowed him to touch his bump whenever the baby was kicking. Brian hadn't been able to hide the love in his eyes when he had seen and heard his young son bond with the new baby growing inside of Brian. Gus would cuddle with him and would start conversations with the baby that could go on for hours, telling the baby all about the things they would do together once it was born. More than once Brian had been moved to tears by how loving his son was and he couldn't help but wonder if he had been that involved in JR's pregnancy. From what Brian had witnessed, he would have said no as the girls had seemed to have been focused on themselves way more than on Gus or the pregnancy at the time, but he ruefully had to admit that he hadn't really been a part of Gus' life enough at the time to really know for sure.

 

All he knew was that Gus was excited about the new baby and he felt incredibly grateful that Gus didn't feel threatened by the arrival of his new sibling. Ever since Brian's visit to Toronto Gus had never mentioned his fears about being abandoned again. Brian wondered if maybe it helped that now Gus was always visiting him and not the other way round. With them being at Britin, they could spend more quality time together than they had been able to in Canada where Brian had always stayed in a hotel and had to leave in the evenings and where Melanie and JR would always have been present as well, demanding his and Lindsay's attention away from Gus.

 

As far as Brian was concerned, moving his visits with Gus to Pittsburgh had been the best decision they could have made. Apparently the visits also did Lindsay good. Every time she spent the weekend at Britin with Brian and Gus she appeared happier than Brian had seen her in a long time. Much to his relief she never bothered him about Justin and never even mentioned him to Brian, which made Brian's life a lot easier.

 

Brian slowly shook his head and brought his mind back to the here and now. He looked around the nursery and his eyes stopped on the mural on the far wall, a mural of a forest scene with several trees and some squirrels and birds and other small animals in it. It looked great, but looking at it once more, Brian knew that it wasn't really perfect. It would have been perfect if Justin had done it. If Justin had been able to do a mural for his baby's nursery it would have been a true masterpiece, of that Brian was sure. 

 

“Hey there, you're quite active today. Are you excited about your room finally being finished?” Brian asked in a gentle voice as he ran his hand over his now bulging stomach and felt his baby kick him repeatedly. 

 

“It looks really lovely,” he continued in a quiet voice. “I am sure you will love it. Gus and I put a lot of hard work into this room being perfect for you and Aunt Lindsay helped with the mural on the wall.”

 

Brian stared at the mural for the longest time before he continued talking. “I really wish it would have been your other daddy who would have done this mural for you. He would have loved doing it. He would have locked himself in this room and he would have created a real masterpiece,” Brian whispered as his thoughts drifted to Justin and a sense of sadness infiltrated him.

 

“Your daddy is an artist, you know? A fucking great one. He has more talent than anyone I've ever seen before. Certainly more than those morons in my art department,” Brian chuckled to himself as he ran his hand over his bump and felt another kick.

 

“He almost lost his ability to paint, but he fought hard to get it back and now he's in New York and he will be a famous artist one day. He's a genius and his art is breathtaking. He can create masterpieces in mere minutes. One day I'll show some to you and you will understand why I couldn't make him give up that talent. He has to follow it, he has to become the artist he is meant to be.”

 

Brian carefully got up from the rocking chair and cursed when he found it harder than he had anticipated. His bump always got in the way and made it harder and harder to navigate through the house. Brian slowly walked over to the room across the hall which was the master bedroom and settled down on the bed there. He felt exhausted after a whole day of unpacking boxes and filling closets in his son's and baby's room with new clothes and needed to take a nap for a while.

 

As he lay down on the bed he could feel more kicks from his baby and couldn't help but chuckle. “You're quite the soccer player, aren't you?”

 

He turned onto his side and tried to get into a comfortable position before he rested his hand on his stomach and started talking once more. 

 

“You and Gus will get on so well. He loves playing soccer as well and he loves you. You have no idea how excited he is to meet you and how glad that makes me. I won't lie, I was really nervous about how he would react  to the news about you, but he's such a good boy and he will be a fucking great brother. You will love him...,” Brian sighed once, thinking about his sonny boy who would be back for his next visit in three weeks. “He lives in Canada with his mommies, but he comes over for visits regularly and he really helped me with your room. I am sure you'll immediately love him when you meet him for the first time. Between me, Gus and your grandmas you'll be so loved, I already feel sorry for you. Your grandmas will spoil you endlessly. Hell, you should take a look at your closet and how many romper suits are already in there. They sure went crazy when they went shopping for you... But you know what? I can't blame them. I love you, too and I am just like that and... it warms my heart to know that you'll be loved. You will grow up with only love in your life, I'll make sure of that. Nothing bad will ever come to you, not if I can avoid that,” Brian whispered, before he slowly drifted off to sleep.

 

He was awoken what felt like minutes later, but was really an hour and half later when he heard his phone ring. He carefully turned around and lifted his phone from his night table.

 

“Yeah?” He asked without checking the caller ID and cursed himself for that oversight a second later when he heard a whiny voice greet him.

 

“Brian? Where you are? There is some weird guy in your loft.”

 

“I am at home,” Brian said tiredly.

 

“No, you're not. I am at your loft and like I said, there's some weird guy here.”

 

“He's not a weird guy, he's my tenant. And I'd appreciate it if you would leave him alone. I don't want him to move out right away again because you keep showing up without invitation. In case you didn't notice, your key doesn't work anymore and the code for the outer door has been changed,” Brian sighed.

 

“What do you mean tenant?”

 

“Tenant as in a person that pays me money to live in my property.”

 

“You are renting out the loft?”

 

“Ding, ding, ding. You got it, Mikey.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“As I've told you before, Mikey. I am at home. Where exactly that is, is none of your concern. In case you don't remember, the last time I saw you, I told you I didn't want to see you again,” Brian was getting angrier with every minute he was on the phone to Michael.

 

After their argument at Babylon they had run into each other two more times at Debbie's dinners, but every time Michael had just repeated his bullshit about Justin having trapped Brian by getting him pregnant and how Brian should give up the child once it was born. In the end Brian had left, had given his apologies to Debbie who had been flabbergasted by her son's behaviour and had told her that she was welcome to visit him at Britin as long as it was only her and Carl and not her son. Thankfully Debbie hadn't made a big drama out of it and had agreed that meeting with Michael when he was behaving like that wasn't good for him during his pregnancy. So they had started having weekly dinners together at Britin where Jennifer, Debbie and Carl would come and visit him. 

 

Michael however hadn't gotten the hint and had continued contacting Brian. He had shown up at Kinnetik only to be told by Ted that he wasn't welcome on any of Brian's company premises, meaning Kinnetik and Babylon and had continued calling him at least once a day. Usually Brian ignored the calls, but sometimes he would talk to Michael, hoping that he had finally gotten a clue and had returned to being his old friend. So far that hadn't happened. 

 

“I am your best friend, Brian,” Michael whined and Brian could only wonder if he was for real. Best friends? After how Michael had treated him in the last two months? Definitely not as far as Brian was concerned. 

 

“Michael, don't you have a husband to take care of? I can't imagine him being happy with how much time you spend trying to talk to me.” Brian felt slightly bad for pulling Ben into this, but he had heard from Ted that Ben was growing increasingly impatient with Michael's behaviour and had demanded that his husband stop stalking Brian and focus on their marriage instead.

 

“Don't you worry about Ben,” Michael started. “He understands how important it is that I take care of my best friend.”

 

“Well, then take care of whatever person is your best friend for it sure as hell isn't me as long as you can't accept the fact that I am having a baby and will raise that baby,” Brian angrily replied.

 

“Brian, those pregnancy hormones must really be messing with you. You and I both know that if you were acting normally and thinking clearly you wouldn't want this baby that boy wonder has trapped you with.”

 

“His name is Justin. Get it in your fucking head that his name is Justin and not boy wonder,” Brian yelled, before hanging up. He wasn't surprised when his phone immediately started ringing again, but this time he knew better and just ignored it.

Chapter 12

 

The last two months of his pregnancy had been quiet and happy months for Brian. He had started his leave of absence at Kinnetik and had handed over the reigns to Ted and Cynthia which had given him a chance to fully focus on himself and his pregnancy.

 

Much to his delight Lindsay and Gus had come down to Pittsburgh to stay with him for two whole weeks during Gus' summer break and Brian had more than enjoyed having his sonny boy around. Gus had cheered him up whenever he had felt melancholic or when his pregnancy hormones had gotten the best of him. There had been times when he had been overcome by loneliness and had missed both Justin and Michael. Both men had been such integral parts of his life for so many years and now neither of them were part of his life anymore. Brian knew that in Justin's case only he was to blame and that it had all been his doing, but at times that didn't really make him feel any better. Quite on the contrary. As for Michael, Brian had slowly accepted that they had drifted apart in recent years and maybe Michael had been right when he had told Brian once that just because they had always been friends it didn't mean they had to continue being friends.

 

Yes, he had missed Michael and missed having his best friend in his life, but it only ever took him a few seconds to remember all the hurtful things Michael had said about Justin and his baby and then the anger would always take over and he'd only be glad that Michael wasn't a part of his life anymore. Brian just knew that he wouldn't be able to deal with comments like that for the rest of his life and in all honesty, he didn't want someone who constantly spouted shit like that around his baby. It would be hard enough to raise the child on his own, knowing that one day he would have to explain the truth about Justin and why he was in New York, but having Michael around wouldn't help anyone.

 

Even though Michael had slowly drifted out of his life and Brian had mostly ignored his attempts at getting into contact, he hadn't been lonely. Between Lindsay, Gus, Debbie and Jennifer there had always been someone to watch him and help him and keep him entertained during his last weeks of his pregnancy. Much to his surprise Ted had really stuck around as well. Yes, Ted worked for him, but Ted had also proved that he was really his friend. Brian knew that Ted absolutely disagreed with him about keeping the pregnancy a secret from Justin, yet Ted had been there all along the way. Ted had helped him with his relocation to Britin, Ted had taken over at Kinnetik and most importantly Ted had been there to clean up after Michael and had been a pillar of comfort to Brian when he had most needed it. Not that Brian would ever admit that. He had blamed it on pregnancy hormones and Ted had gone along, being the kindhearted soul that he was. More weekends than not Ted and Blake would come out to Britin and spend a day with Brian, always giving him an open ear and any support he needed, even though he never voiced it. 

 

With all of his family and friends constantly taking care of him, Brian had hardly had much time to feel lonely or sad about Justin or Michael not being a part of his life anymore. At times he had been so annoyed by their constant presence that he had just wanted to kick them all out of his house. He never had though. He had always known that they only worried about him and the baby and if he had kicked anyone out it would have only led to major drama. Drama he could definitely do without.

 

It had been hard sometimes to ensure that he was having enough private times and sometimes he had cut it pretty close with his evening appointments, if he was honest. He had always been a very sexual man and sex had always been an important part of his life. While he had realised after Justin's departure that tricking had lost its thrill because he didn't feel the same excitement for the hunt anymore as he had before and he didn't get the same sense of self-validation from it anymore, he was still a man with needs and especially during his second trimester those needs needed to be met regularly. God, he had been so horny at times.

 

Thank God he had been a client of some exclusive escort agencies for years and one of them even catered to the needs of pregnant men. They offered services especially for pregnant men and Brian had had a feeling that he had become one of their most trusted customers during his second trimester. Up until the last week of his pregnancy he had used their services at least three times a week. Thank fuck for discretion! 

 

Anonymous sex hadn't given him the satisfaction it had given him for years in his twenties and early thirties, not now, not after he had known what true love felt like, but it had done the trick and had helped him get off when he had needed to. Which was really all Brian had expected anyway. He had been realistic enough to know that no sexual encounter would come close to sex with Justin. As that was out of the question however, Brian had learned to settle for the only thing he could have. 

 

Over the course of the last months of his pregnancy Brian had also learned which battles were worth fighting and which weren't. He had felt so tired at times, he had just given in to some demands that could only be described as ridiculous. There was just no other way to explain how he had ended up in a Lamaze class with Lindsay during her last stay. He had wanted to scream and argue with her about not being caught dead in a Lamaze class, what was he? A lesbian? But in the end he had felt so tired and exhausted, he had just let her drag him there and had gone through with it. Sometimes not fighting was easier.

 

All in all, even despite the tiredness, the swollen feet and the back pains of the last weeks of his pregnancy, Brian had to admit that he had had a pretty easy pregnancy. There had been no medical emergencies, no forced bed rest, no high blood pressure or any other complications and after his morning sickness had disappeared during his second trimester, he had been having a really easy pregnancy. A pregnancy he had enjoyed immensely at times. Just to feel his baby kick, just to see small footprints on his stomach when his baby was kicking, just to have Gus bonding with his new brother or sister – he had enjoyed those moments more than he cared to admit. Once again he blamed it on the damn pregnancy hormones, but Mother Taylor had only shaken her head in amusement at him and had muttered a quiet “Sure.” when he had told her the same. Maybe he hadn't been doing such a good job hiding how much he had enjoyed his pregnancy. Not that he cared. Not really. He was having a baby, what did it matter if people knew that he had lesbionic feelings about the whole thing? Didn't the fact that he carried a baby already make him more than lesbionic anyway?

 

Brian was pulled back from his thoughts when he saw the excited face of Mother Taylor at the end of the hallway he had been walking up and down for the last ten minutes.

 

“Brian? Should you be up, honey?” She asked in obvious concern as she rushed over to his side, eyeing the heavily pregnant man who was wearing one of those typical hospital gowns that did nothing for anyone's appearance.

 

“Apparently walking helps against the pain or so they say. I think they're lying,” Brian snarked at her, grabbing the saline drip at his side as he slowly moved past her.

 

“How long have you been here?” Jennifer asked as she went to follow him.

 

“About an hour, I think. Though it feels like days already,” Brian grunted as another wave of pain hit him.

 

Jennifer immediately rushed to his side and held the man as he was obviously hit by a contraction. “How long have you been having contractions?”

 

“Too long,” Brian grunted, not looking at her.

 

“Where is Debbie? Wasn't she supposed to be with you?” Jennifer frowned, wondering why Brian was wandering the hospital corridors on his own. Debbie had been supposed to be with him. After all she had called her thirty minutes ago to let her know that Brian was in labour and that their grandchild would be born soon.

 

“She's getting a coffee,” Brian replied, his voice now sounding more calm as the wave of pain had passed. “And before you complain, I sent her. There is nothing she could do and I swear to God, she was smothering me to death.”

 

“Brian, you're about to have your baby. You shouldn't be on your own,” Jennifer admonished, looking sternly at the man at her side.

 

“What? It's not like it's just gonna fall out, is it?” He snarked, turning around when they reached the end of the hallway.

 

“Have they said anything about the c-section?” Jennifer asked, ignoring Brian's snark and mood. She could still remember how she had given birth to Justin and Molly and how excruciating the pain of labour had been and she could only imagine that she hadn't made for nice company either on those days. And that was taking into consideration that she was usually way nicer than Brian anyway.

 

“They want to give it a few more contractions...Something about the baby getting into the right position and stuff. Apparently it's important that certain evolutional steps are followed even in the case of male pregnancies and c-sections. It's better for the baby. I call bullshit. They are just sadists and enjoy seeing people in pain.”

 

Brian grunted once more as another wave of pain went through him and once more Jennifer was immediately by his side to offer support. They were joined by Debbie just as Brian was trying to catch his breath.

 

“Damn, you asshole. I told you to stay in the room and not go wandering off on your own. What if you had fallen and broken something,” she admonished and gave him a light slap on his head.

 

“Ouch,” he exclaimed and glared at her.

 

“You think that hurt? Ha, you be glad you don't have to push that baby out through your tight ass,” she cackled and was only rewarded by another glare from the man at her side.

 

“Thank fuck for these things called c-sections. God must have felt mercy on gay people everywhere when he decided that the asshole is no way to come into this world,” Brian only replied, slowly retreating back to his room. He settled back down on the bed that had been prepared for him and sighed as another contraction hit. “They better bring out the good drugs soon or I am out of here,” he gasped through the pain and was rewarded by two stern pairs of eyes looking at him.

 

“You will lie your ass down and do as the doctor says,” Debbie told him in a voice that brokered no argument and ran a hand through his auburn hair. “You'll be fine, honey.”

 

Jennifer could only nod in agreement as she got out of her jacket and put her purse aside. She couldn't believe it, only a few more hours and she would be a grandmother. When Debbie's call had come, letting her know that the contractions had started, she had felt another pang of guilt, knowing that she would be there to see Justin's baby being born when Justin didn't even know he was having a baby, but in the end her excitement at becoming a grandmother had won over.

 

She and Debbie stayed with Brian for another two hours, helping him through his contractions and the pain, being there when he needed to vent his frustrations and anger at the pain he was experiencing and smoothing things over with the doctor when Brian started yelling at him to get the baby out of him rather sooner than later. Jennifer had expected that Brian wouldn't be an easy patient, but then again she figured that no mother or father to be really was. So the doctor was probably used to being yelled at.

 

Then the doctor had deemed Brian ready for his c-section and she had never seen someone look as relieved as Brian had as he sank back into the pillows and closed his eyes. “Thank fuck!” 

 

She couldn't help but laugh at the man's obvious relief, wondering what he would have been like after 27 hours of labour like she had endured with Justin when he had already been ready to rip off heads after only 6 hours. Then again it had always been clear from the beginning that with him being a man he would have a c-section to deliver the baby, so she could kind of understand his point about the whole pain being pointless anyway. At least in her case there had been a natural birth at the end of the pain.

 

Debbie and her watched as Brian had been prepared for the c-section and was then wheeled to another room. They stopped at the door to the room and looked after Brian, when a nurse called out to them. “Aren't you coming?”

 

“Coming?” Debbie asked in obvious confusion.

 

“Don't you want to be there for the actual birth?”

 

“Can we?” Jennifer asked, not having known that was possible. 

 

“Of course, we'll just need to get you dressed in hospital garb and then you can be in the OR right along with Brian,” the nurse informed them with a bright smile.

 

“I-I don't know,” Jennifer started. She didn't really feel comfortable being there when Brian gave birth. Yes, this was her grandchild, but Brian was not her son and they weren't that close that she should be there for this intimate and private moment. Her musings were interrupted by Brian's sharp voice.

 

“You better hurry and make sure they don't leave me on my own mid-c-section because I pissed them off too much,” he called out in his usual snark, but the look he was giving her and Debbie betrayed his real feelings. He wanted them there for the birth of his child and on some level she could understand. She wouldn't have wanted to be on her own either for the birth of her children. 

 

“Well, we better get dressed up then,” Debbie answered in her usual pragmatism and pulled Jennifer along to follow the nurse.

 

Five minutes later they joined Brian in the OR and saw doctors and nurses around him, preparing him for the surgery. They could also see that a screen had been raised above his waist.

 

“Are you okay, honey?” Debbie asked gently as she made her way over to Brian's side, brushing a strand of auburn hair out of his face. 

 

Brian nodded at her. “Thank fuck the pain is over.”

 

”We’ll lower the screen once we’re about to get the baby, but this way you won’t have to see the incision being made,” the nurse explained to them and all three of them nodded at her in reply. 

 

“Jennifer, come here,” Brian urged, holding out his hand to his almost mother-in-law who was standing a bit back as if she didn't belong. “This is your grandchild being born. You should be here to see this,” he said gently and the tone of his voice surprised even himself. Damn, those painkillers they had given him had to be really strong to make him sound that soft and mellow.

 

Debbie squeezed his hand and smiled at him, obviously proud that he was including Jennifer in the birth of his child.

 

After all the preparations had been finished, the doctor swabbed Brian's lower abdomen with an antiseptic and a small, horizontal incision was made where the top of his pubic hair had previously been shaved off. Debbie was able to look past the screen if she leaned back a bit and was able to follow the proceedings with quite an interested look on her face.

 

“Everything okay?” Brian asked, watching Debbie’s face, it being the only indication he had on what was happening.

 

“It's just a lot of blood,” Debbie cackled nervously, giving his hand yet another squeeze. 

 

The doctor kept them informed about what he was doing, telling them about how he was cutting through the underlying tissue once the first cut had been made and how he was moving towards the uterus. He also told them when he was separating Brian’s abdominal muscles, a point at which both Jennifer and Debbie made a face that was hard to interpret but looked slightly disgusted. Lastly he informed them that he was about to make a small horizontal cut in the lower section of the uterus, before a few seconds later addressing the nurse and asking her to put down the screen so that Brian, Debbie and Jennifer could watch while he pulled out the baby.

 

At first only a small head appeared and then in one fluid motion the whole baby was out and all three watched in fascination as they saw the baby move and a second or two later let out its first cry as it was placed on Brian’s lower abdomen where it was dried off. Neither of them could avert their eyes from the baby as the doctor cut the umbilical cord, before Brian's baby was handed to a paediatrician who did a first quick check to see if everything was okay.

 

Brian's eyes followed the baby that was still crying and the cries of his baby sounded like music to his ears, knowing that it was a good sign the baby was crying.

 

The new father himself was also crying helplessly, feeling too emotional to care, all kinds of feelings running through him, the utmost one being love for that small being that he could still see being cleaned up and examined by the paediatrician.

 

Debbie gently wiped away the tears on her surrogate son's face and smiled at him. “You did good, honey. Really good.”

 

”It’s a boy,” Jennifer whispered, not sure if Brian had been able to get a look, running a hand through his hair. “A boy,” she said once more, her eyes shining with her own tears as she looked at Brian's eyes. All three of them totally ignored what the doctors and nurses were doing, who were busy delivering the placenta and working on stitching Brian up again. None of them noticed any of that however, because all they could do was stare at each other from happy eyes and look over to where the baby was now swaddled in a light blue blanket. They only had eyes for the new baby and not a word was spoken between the three of them, their eyes doing all the talking that was needed. 

 

Jennifer could see the happiness and joy and most of all the relief in Brian’s eyes and she knew that Brian could see the same in her and Debbie's eyes as well, but more than anything, they all saw love for the small boy now being brought back to them by a smiling nurse, knowing that they’d love him for the rest of their lives.

 

All three looked up at the nurse who carefully handed the now silent baby to Brian, informing him that so far everything looked very well and that he had a very healthy boy.

 

Brian looked at the small bundle in his arms, trying to take in that this small being had been created by both him and Justin, not caring about the tears streaming down his face at the happiness and love he was feeling right that moment. 

 

“Say hi to your Daddy,” Debbie whispered to the baby as Brian gently looked at it, trying to take everything in before moving his hand towards the baby and gently stroking his head and cheek. “Hey little one...,” he whispered through his tears before he smiled when he saw the baby open his eyes. Brian chuckled through his tears and smiled at the baby. “I am your Daddy and those are your grandmas,” he said and had a feeling that it would be hours before he’d get rid of that silly smile again.

 

Never averting her eyes from her small grandson, Debbie spoke up. “You have to name him. What name do you think would be fitting for this small fella here?” 

 

“Luke,” Brian whispered, looking down at the small human being in his arms that he already loved more than anything else in this world. “Luke Victor Kinney-Taylor,” he announced before looking up at Debbie and Jennifer, who both had tears in their eyes, each for their own reasons.

 

“Bri-Brian... he would be so honoured,” Debbie croaked through her own tears, feeling beyond shocked that Brian would choose her brother's name as a middle name for his baby. 

 

At the same time Jennifer spoke her own thanks, for having her family name included in her grandson's name. “Thank you, Brian,” she whispered quietly. Justin may never know about this baby, but at least the baby would know that it was part of the Taylor family and loved by her.

 

Brian and the grandmothers admired little Luke for a few more minutes before the paediatrician came over with a nurse and informed them that he would need to take away the baby for a few more examinations, but that the baby would be given back to them by the time Brian had been wheeled to his room. The nurse informed them that the doctors were done stitching Brian up and that he was going to be wheeled to his room soon, giving Debbie and Jennifer the time to inform the family in the meantime.

 

All three nodded and Brian, quite reluctantly, handed back the baby to the doctor, before looking up at Debbie and Jennifer. “You better go and tell the others. I'm sure I'll see all of you in a bit.”

 

The grandmothers nodded and squeezed Brian's hand once more, before leaving the room to inform the rest of their now smaller family about the arrival of Luke Victor Kinney-Taylor. 

 

***  

 

Once Brian had been wheeled to his room, he asked for a phone. There was a very important call he had to make. The phone was answered on the fourth ring and Brian smiled when he heard the voice of his son, now his older son.

 

”Hello.”

 

”Hey sonny boy, it’s Daddy.”

 

”Daddy!” Gus exclaimed happily and Brian smiled to himself when he heard the excitement in his son’s voice.

 

“How are you doing?”

 

”Mommy and I just painted a picture,” he told Brian before Brian heard a rustle at the other end of the line and heard Lindsay's voice in the background. A second later Gus talked again, sounding even more excited.

 

“Is the baby there, daddy?”

 

Brian chuckled, knowing that it had probably been Lindsay who had urged Gus to ask the important question and not waste time on telling Brian stuff he could still tell him later. “Yes, honey. You’re a big brother again. You’ve got a little baby brother.”

 

”I have a brother?” Gus asked and Brian could hear the amazement in his voice.

 

“Yes, you do! His name is Luke and he’s already looking forward to getting to know you.”

 

“Can I see him?”

 

”Of course you can. Luke and I can’t wait for you to come here and see him, sonny boy,” Brian said and he smiled when he could hear Gus telling Lindsay that they had to go and see his brother Luke now. 

 

“Mommy says we’ll come,” Gus proudly announced and Brian was happy to hear that Gus only seemed to sound happy and excited at the prospect of meeting his new baby brother.

 

“Sonny boy, can I talk to your mommy? I’ll see you, soon. I love you!”

 

”Love you, too, daddy. And I love Luke,” Gus replied before the phone was handed over to Lindsay.

 

“Brian?”

 

”Yes.”

 

”Are you okay?”

 

”Yeah,” Brian answered, not surprised to hear concern in Lindsay’s voice. “Both Luke and I are doing fine. Will you come over with Gus? I really want him to get to know his brother, Wendy.”

 

“Of course we will, Peter. Just give us a day or two to get everything organised and then we'll come down to get to know his baby brother,” Lindsay promised. They talked for a few more minutes before ending the call. 

 

A few minutes later the doctor and a nurse entered his room, bringing Luke with them and informing him that everything was fine and he had a healthy son. Debbie and Jennifer entered the room shortly after the doctor had left, both surprised to see that Luke had already been brought into the room and that Brian was already holding him.

 

“Hey,” Brian looked up, smiling at them while he was feeding his son, giving him the first bottle of his young life.

 

“Hey yourself,” Debbie said back as she moved over to the bed and looked at the baby in his arms.

 

 “How are you doing?”She asked in obvious concern.

 

“Okay…feeling tired and a bit sore, but most of all relieved that it’s all over and that it went okay,” Brian told both women honestly and they could only nod in agreement. They felt quite the same, minus the sore. 

 

They all watched as Brian gave the bottle to his son, enjoying the comfortable silence in the room before a soft knock could be heard on their door and then it opened to reveal Ted and Blake standing in the doorway.

 

“Come in,” Debbie motioned for them to come closer and they both did, looking at Brian who was still feeding the small baby and taking a good look at the newest member to their weird family for the first time.

 

They both only stayed for a few minutes, wanting to give Brian some privacy as well as time to relax and get some rest after the surgery and the long day of contractions he had just had, promising they would come by the next day again and congratulating him once more on the beautiful boy he had.

 

With Ted and Blake gone, Debbie and Jennifer took that as their cue to leave as well and started saying goodbye to Brian and their grandson, promising to come back to the hospital the next day to check up on both of them. They hugged Brian goodbye, careful of the fresh c-section wound and then left him on his own with his baby boy who had by now been moved to the small crib next to Brian's bed. After everyone had left it didn’t take Brian long to drift off to sleep which was interrupted a short while later by a small baby crying for his attention, giving him a taste of what his life would be like for the next months, but he only noticed that he didn't care, all he felt was happier than he could remember he had ever been.

Chapter 13 

 

“Hey sonny boy, what are you doing up?”

 

Brian asked as he saw Gus appearing in the doorway, holding his teddy bear as he slowly made his way over, looking totally adorable in his pyjamas.

 

“I heard Luke cry. Is he okay?” He said quietly, seeing the baby in Brian’s arms suck on his bottle, not wanting to disturb them by talking too loudly.

 

“Yeah, he’s fine. He was just hungry,” Brian told him, motioning for him to come over to the rocking chair Brian was sitting in, holding Luke who was lazily sucking on his bottle, apparently close to falling asleep again.

 

As Gus stood next to the rocking chair, Brian patted the empty space in his lap and Gus climbed up on it and sat down in his father's lap, looking at the baby in his arms, carefully reaching out for his brother and caressing his cheek tenderly.

 

Brian smiled to himself as he saw that gesture, marvelling once again at how Gus had taken to his younger brother. Already when he had still been at the hospital, Gus had been utterly fascinated by the baby and that had only increased when Brian and Luke had been released after four days and went back home and Gus came for his next visit to Britin.

 

Gus had watched on in fascination whenever Luke was fed or got his diapers changed and just loved to hold him and stroke his head or his cheeks. Forgotten were the times when he had been less  than happy about the new baby and had been scared about his father not having time for him anymore. Gus loved his little brother so dearly, it had been a huge fight to get him to go back to Canada with Lindsay, back to his baby sister and Melanie, him insisting that he wanted to stay at Britin and spend time with Luke. In the end Gus had to go back, but he had put on quite the fight, demanding to be allowed to stay home with his daddy and the baby.

 

Brian had been confused by that as he couldn't remember Gus behaving like that when JR had been born, but then he assumed that Gus had never been that much a part of JR's pregnancy and young life as he had been with Luke as his mothers had been more concerned with themselves and their marital problems than with their children at the time. It made Brian feel bad for Gus and so he did what he could to make sure that Gus' time with Luke was special. 

 

After putting the bottle on the small table next to the rocking chair he was sitting on, Brian pulled Gus close and felt him rest his head in his side as they both watched Luke who had fallen asleep again and was obviously sleeping peacefully now. “Aren’t you tired?” Brian asked, looking at the clock on the table next to the rocking chair and saw that it was just after 2 am in the morning.

 

Gus nodded, nuzzling even more into Brian’s chest and Brian knew that now he had made sure that Luke was okay, it would only be a few minutes before Gus would be asleep as well.

 

“Why don’t you go back to your bed? It’s a lot more comfortable than this rocking chair, sonny boy,” Brian pointed out, but he immediately heard Gus' ‘no’. 

 

“I want to stay with you and Luke,” he said, sleep already creeping up in his voice.

 

Brian knew that he would only get Gus to go back to bed with a fight and he didn’t really feel like it at this time of the night, so he just decided to let Gus fall asleep there, knowing he could carry him back to bed once he was asleep without the boy noticing.

 

“Okay,” Brian only said, weaving through his older son’s hair with his free hand as he looked from Gus to Luke and marvelled at how happy he felt in that moment, having both his sons by his side.

 

 

***  

 

An hour later that was how Lindsay found the three of them. Gus in one arm, resting in Brian's lap and cuddling into his daddy's side, Luke securely held in Brian's other arm and Brian in the middle, all three of them dozing peacefully. 

 

She had woken up a few minutes earlier and had just wanted to check on Gus when she had seen that his bed in his room was empty. For a second she had felt slightly panicked, but then she had figured that he was probably somewhere close to Brian or Luke, the places where Gus could always be found these days. It was really cute to watch how he loved his daddy and his baby brother. She couldn't remember Gus taking to JR like that. 

 

Lindsay walked into the room and carefully entangled Gus from Brian's lap, taking the small boy into her arms. Gus roused slightly, but didn't wake up completely, however his daddy did. She gave Brian a gentle smile as she held her son close.

 

“Why didn't you call me? I could have helped you with these two,” she asked and frowned when she was rewarded by a snark from the man in the rocking chair.

 

“Last time I checked, I was still capable to take care of my sons on my own.”

 

“Brian,” she started in a voice that was sweet like honey, but held a hint of haughtiness. “You are a new dad. You never did night time feedings for Gus. This is all new for you, but I have been there, why don't you let me help you?”

 

Brian sighed in annoyance and slowly got up from the rocking chair, carefully carrying Luke over to his crib and laying the sleeping baby down. He placed a kiss on Luke's forehead, inhaling the scent of his baby son and hoped that it would calm him down. 

 

For the last few days Lindsay had annoyed the hell out of him. It had started with her trying to be helpful which, if he was honest with himself, had been nice and he had appreciated the help, but the more time she spent at Britin, the more she behaved like lady of the manor which she definitely wasn't. It had been Mother Taylor who had first pointed out Lindsay's behaviour to him when she had been angered by Lindsay not letting her see her grandson, claiming that her – meaning Lindsay's – family had planned a quiet afternoon on the grounds and didn't want to be disturbed. Jennifer had asked him if he thought that it was normal that Lindsay spent almost every weekend at Britin and if he hadn't wondered why it was only ever Lindsay and Gus coming to Pittsburgh, but never Melanie and JR. At first Brian had brushed her concerns aside and had just figured that Mother Taylor was probably jealous of Lindsay spending that much time at Britin, but then he had started to really watch Lindsay's behaviour and he had seen what Mother Taylor meant. He had heard from Ted and Blake as well that Lindsay had told them not to come by when she was at Britin as they – meaning Gus, Luke, Brian and her – were spending valuable bonding time together.

 

Until now Brian had stayed calm, but he didn't know how much longer he could be. As said before, Lindsay's constant presence and the haughtiness in her voice because she had given birth to Gus made him want to crawl out of his skin right that moment.

 

Giving one last look at his baby boy in the crib, Brian turned around and motioned for Lindsay to hand over Gus.

 

“Brian, you shouldn't. Not this shortly after your c-section. You don't want to bust any stitches, do you?”

 

Brian just glared at her and wordlessly demanded that she hand over Gus with a scathing look. When she seemed to hesitate, he hissed at her.

 

“Trust me, Lindsay. I am well able to carry my own son to bed. And that c-section you always like to harp about and that is the cause for me constantly having to rest in your eyes has been six weeks ago. I am pretty sure all stitches have been healed by now.”

 

With that he glared at her once more until she handed Gus over and he carried his son into his bedroom. Hugging the boy close, Brian left a kiss on his nose before he lay him down in his fire truck bed and pulled the covers up, making sure that his teddy was at his side.

 

He watched as Lindsay gave Gus a kiss as well and then left the room with her. When he was about to turn to the master bedroom, he frowned when Lindsay was still at his side. “What? I don't need you to tuck me in, Lindsay. I have been able to do that ever since I was a small boy.”

 

“Brian,” Lindsay sighed in an exasperated voice as if talking to a small child. “I know that you're tired and exhausted and that it is making you cranky. Let me help you. That's what you have friends for.”

 

For a second Brian wondered if maybe he was overreacting and maybe his mood was due to some lack of sleep. Maybe he was reading too much into things due to his sleepless nights in recent weeks. Not wanting to cause a fight over something that might not be an issue to begin with, he just ignored Lindsay's last comment and went into his bedroom, closing the door firmly behind himself. He walked over to his bed and lay down and was asleep in seconds, his tiredness catching up with him the second his head hit the pillow.

 

The next morning Brian woke up and felt refreshed and better. Not hearing anything from either of his sons, he decided to take a quick shower and sighed when he saw his reflection in the mirror. His stomach had never looked as saggy as it did now. He hadn't gained a lot of weight during his pregnancy, not as much as other people did as both Jennifer and Debbie had assured him, yet he still hated seeing his flabby stomach. He had always paid a lot of attention to his outer appearance and he would be damned in hell if he didn't get rid of that additional weight and wouldn't get his rippled muscles back. He made a mental note to call his personal trainer sometime that day to make an appointment with him for the upcoming week and then stepped into the hot shower letting the hot spray wash away every last remnant he might still have felt of the tension from the previous night.

 

After the shower Brian stepped out of his room and frowned when he heard a calm voice coming from the nursery. He immediately recognised the voice as Lindsay's and decided to walk over and apologise to her for his behaviour last night. Brian stopped in his tracks when he was able to make out what she was saying.

 

“Oh, you look so much like your daddy, honey. You and Gus will be real lookers. You both got the best features your daddy has to offer. Mommy will be so proud of you,” she cooed at the baby in her arms. Brian frowned from behind the doorway when he heard her continue.

 

“We will be a good family. Your daddy will take care of you, Gus and me and we'll be very happy together.”

 

Brian had heard enough at that point and pushed the door open to reveal himself. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

“Brian?” Lindsay's eyes widened and she looked slightly... guilty? Yes, guilty, Brian decided when he eyed her. He stomped over and took his son out of her arms, smiling at the gently cooing baby. He placed a kiss on his son's forehead, hugging him close as the baby continued gurgling. 

 

“Hey sonny boy, good morning. I didn't hear you wake up,” Brian whispered, gently rocking the baby in his arms.

 

“Brian, it's not what you think,” Lindsay started as she got out of the rocking chair.

 

“And what am I thinking?”

 

“That I am overstepping my boundaries,” she replied quietly.

 

“Well, you are. So, tell me, what is it instead?” He glared at the woman who was now standing opposite him.

 

“I am just trying to familiarise Luke with myself from the very beginning,” Lindsay started only to be interrupted by Brian right away.

 

“And why would you do that?”

 

“I am Gus' mother and I guess...,” she took a breath before she continued. “I will also be his mother.”

 

“What the fuck?” Brian just exclaimed eyeing one of his oldest friends as if she had just grown a second head. “Where in your mind did you get that idea? You know what? I don't care... Get it out of your head. You are NOT Luke's mother!”

 

“Brian,” Lindsay tried to placate the man, but he had turned his back on her to gently lay down his son in his crib. Once Luke was happy and about to doze off, he turned to Lindsay and grabbed her wrist, pulling her out of the room. He led her towards the living-room and then confronted her.

 

“Where is Mel?” He asked and could see how that question startled Lindsay.

 

“What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“Where is she?” Brian only repeated his earlier question.

 

“At home.”

 

“And why aren't you there with her?” 

 

“Brian, I thought you wanted Gus to spend time with his baby brother and you,” Lindsay said quietly.

 

“You have been here every weekend since Luke has been born and two whole weeks before. I have seen more of Gus in the last two months than ever before. Are you sure it's just that?” Brian raised an eyebrow at her and Lindsay had to swallow at the intense glare directed at her.

 

“Are you complaining?” 

 

“No, I just want to know what the fuck is going on.”

 

“I wanted to make sure that Gus has a relationship with his brother, Brian. That is all,” Lindsay insisted.

 

“Bullshit! You didn't care one ounce about his relationship with his sister,” Brian pointed out. “Why isn't he bonding with her?”

 

“He is, Brian. During the week. He sees her every day.”

 

“Do you really think that I believe for one second that Mel is okay with you coming here every weekend for the last six weeks? What kind of fool do you think I am?”

 

“Brian, she understands that these are special circumstances,” Lindsay said in a soothing voice.

 

“Special circumstances? Aha... maybe I should give her a call and ask her how understanding she intends to be for the next few months,” Brian walked over to the living-room table where he had left  his cell phone the night before and picked it up. He looked for Melanie's name in his list of contacts, before showing his phone to Lindsay, letting her watch wide eyed as he connected and the first dial tone broke the silence between them.

 

“Brian, hang up!” Lindsay was now nearly pleading with him and Brian eyed her curiously.

 

“Why, Lindsay? Why should I? I thought she understood...”

 

“Hang up,” Lindsay hissed, trying to grab the phone in Brian's hand. Brian finally hung up, having no intention of speaking to Melanie, just wanting Lindsay to admit the truth. 

 

He glared at her and his voice was deadly calm. “The truth. Now!”

 

Lindsay huffed, before flopping down on the couch. “Fine. Things between us haven't been good lately and I needed a break from her. So I came down here whenever I could to get away from her. Happy now?”

 

“No,” Brian replied honestly, eyeing his friend from sad eyes. No, he wasn't happy. He had wished for her to have all the happiness in life and he had also wanted for his son to grow up in a happy family, not a war zone where his mommies were constantly fighting. “I thought you had figured out your shit when you left Pittsburgh.”

 

“Things weren't as easy in Canada as we thought and... well, with money being tight tensions ran high,” Lindsay whispered.

 

“Why didn't you say something? I would have given you money,” Brian immediately interrupted.

 

“She is too proud for that,” Lindsay only hissed and Brian knew that she was refering to Melanie.

 

“You aren't... so instead of taking my money, you decided to come here and play lady of the manor?”

 

“What? Brian, it's not like that,” Lindsay insisted, but she avoided looking at Brian directly, so Brian knew that she wasn't completely honest.

 

“Then explain this whole mommy business to me. What gave you the idea that you are Luke's mother and that it was okay for him to call you mommy?” Brian glared at her, daring her to not tell him the truth.

 

“I... I just thought it would be easier for Gus.”

 

“For Gus?” Brian wasn't sure he understood what she was saying. “What does he have to do with you calling yourself Luke's mother?”

 

“Brian... You are his father and I am his mother. He will be confused if Luke also calls you father, but doesn't refer to me as his mother. It will confuse them both. They are brothers, but not really.”

 

Brian just looked at her incredulously. “So, is JR gonna call me daddy soon? I bet Michael and Melanie will love that.”

 

“What? Brian, no. Why would she?”

 

“Well, according to your logic it must be confusing for her if Gus calls me daddy but she doesn't, right? So I guess I should be prepared for her calling me, Daddy, too.”

 

“Brian, don't be ridiculous. That is different.”

 

“How?” Brian raised an eyebrow in curiousity.

 

“She has two parents. She has me and Melanie.”

 

“And Luke has two parents as well. Me and Justin,” Brian gritted out. 

 

“But Justin is not here. He's not part of Luke's life,” Lindsay pointed out, her voice once again sweet as honey.

 

“So, you figured you could take his place instead?” Brian's voice had risen and his anger was beginning to take over. Who did Lindsay think she was? Just because Justin wasn't there and wasn't a part of his son's life didn't mean he wasn't the father. “Well, Lindsay, I am sorry to disappoint, but my son already has two parents and you're not one of them!”

 

“Brian,” Lindsay started, but by that point Brian had heard enough.

 

“No, you listen to me: Justin is Luke's father and that will never change. My son will grow up knowing who his parents are. And he will always know that you're not one of them.”

 

“Brian,” Lindsay started once more, only to be interrupted again.

 

“I think it's better if you spend the rest of the day at Debbie's or somewhere else,” Brian said calmly, his voice void of any emotion.

 

“What?” Lindsay's eyes widened in surprise.

 

“I want to spend time with my sons. There is no place here for you. You're not part of that family and never will be. For Gus' upcoming visits it's better if you stay with Debbie or a friend. I want to spend time with my sons,” with that Brian turned around and left the living-room. On his way up to the upper floor of the house, he met Gus on the stairwell.

 

“Hey sonny boy, did you sleep well?” 

 

The boy nodded slowly and a small smile spread on his face when he was lifted up by Brian and held closely in his father's arms. 

 

“How about some breakfast and then we get Luke ready for a day out?” Brian asked. “We can go into the grounds and collect some of the fallen leaves for your class project,” Brian suggested and was awarded with a large smile from his son in return.

 

At that point Lindsay came out of the living-room and watched the scene in the hallway quietly. She didn't say anything and it was Gus who broke the awkward silence.

 

“Mommy, Daddy is helping me with my class project. We'll collect leaves later. Will you help us?”

 

Lindsay was about to reply to her son when Brian answered first.

 

“Mommy is going to spend the day with Grandma Debbie. It will be me, you and Luke. You'll see mommy again tonight at the airport.”

 

Gus only nodded, apparently happy with that information as well and then cuddled into his father's chest. The whole time he hadn't noticed how Brian had glared at Lindsay, daring her to contradict or cause a scene in front of their son.

Chapter 14 

 

“Brian, honey!” A clearly surprised Debbie exclaimed when she saw Brian enter the diner, carrying her grandson in a baby carrier strapped to his chest, the small boy being safely protected from the cold wind blowing outside by Brian's jacket that was wrapped around him.

 

She immediately walked over and kissed him on his cheek before looking at her grandson and smiling at the happily gurgling child. “And baby sunshine!” Before Brian could do much to stop her, she leaned down and placed a big, red, lipstick kiss on his son's forehead who only continued gurgling happily.

 

“We need to work on that, sonny-boy. You should have spit so she would have learned to stop doing that right from the start,” Brian winked which earned him a small, lazy smile from the baby and a slap to his head from Debbie. “Ouch!”

 

“Don't offend the grandma,” Debbie said sternly before guiding Brian to an empty booth and sitting down next to him. “Hand me my grandson,” she requested eagerly as Brian began to open his jacket and unstrap the small boy in his arms. He dutifully handed his son over to his grandma and watched as she left some more kisses all over him, inwardly sighing at all the lipstick he would have to remove from his son's head later. 

 

Debbie had started calling Luke baby sunshine a couple of weeks ago, much to his amusement when it had become clear that he had inherited Justin's blue eyes and apparently his tendency for big smiles. Both Jennifer and Debbie couldn't stop pointing out how much Luke looked like Justin and if Brian was honest with himself, he didn't mind at all. To him Justin had always been perfect and if his son had inherited more from Justin's genes than his own, he was absolutely fine with that. And he already had a mini-me running around with Gus, so it was only fair that his second son would look more like his other father. 

 

“I wouldn't dare,” Brian raised his hands as if to plead innocence and then watched with a gentle smile as Debbie cooed over the baby. She had made it her mission in life to see her grandson at least three to four times a week and by now Brian had gotten used to her unannounced visits at Britin. At first he had been slightly annoyed by the amount of times both Jennifer and Debbie had shown up unannounced, but slowly but surely he had started to understand that they only meant well and after his first three weeks of sleepless nights he had even been glad for their visits as they had given him a chance to catch up on some much needed sleep. He had gained the utmost respect for single mothers who didn't have anyone around to help them raising an infant. 

 

All in all Luke was a good baby, pretty easy-going and easy to take care of, but just like any baby he had this weird idea that waking up in the middle of the night to demand food was okay. And damn could he cry the house down if Brian didn't immediately give him food. That boy had lungs, Brian was sure his neighbours could still hear him on their estate down the road. 

 

“What are you doing here? I didn't expect to see you and baby sunshine here at the diner,” Debbie wiped away some spit that had gathered on Luke's chin and then turned her attention to the brunet sitting next to her.

 

“It was time to rejoin the world of the living,” he simply snarked in reply and then made a grab for the menu. Debbie stopped his movement and took the menu from his hand, knowing that after all these years Brian knew it by heart and took his hand instead, squeezing it gently. 

 

“It's normal, Brian. Everyone feels that way,” she said quietly before letting go of his hand, seeing how uncomfortable that gesture made him.

 

“What way?” He raised an eyebrow in question and eyed her warily.

 

Debbie shook her head in slight amusement, not surprised that Brian was trying to play it cool and wave her off. She had known him long enough to know that he knew exactly what she was talking about. 

 

“You can't just be there to take care of Luke 24/7. It's normal that you feel cooped up in your own house and need to get out every once in a while.”

 

“Seems like a 24/7 job to me,” Brian just gave back, reaching over to gently caress his son's cheek.

 

“Why don't you let me and Jen help every once in a while? Enjoy a night out at Woodies, spent some time at Babylon. I am sure you must be itching to get back on the scene,” his surrogate mother said gently and Brian could only sigh.

 

Both Jennifer and Debbie had offered numerous times already to take care of Luke and to watch him for a night or a weekend so Brian could enjoy some alone time on his own, but so far he had always shut them down. The more he had thought about it, the more he had realised that it wasn't because he didn't want their help, but because he didn't feel like going out. He could watch Luke for hours, could sit next to his crib and run his hand over his son's short, blond fuzzy hair and he'd never get bored at all. He could hold Luke in his arms and talk to him for hours about everything from Justin to his own life to his dreams and his hopes for Luke's life and never felt bored. The prospect of a night out just couldn't compare to an evening spent at home with his baby. And the more Brian had realised that, the more he had wondered when he had lost his dick. Some time during his pregnancy it had to have fallen off and he had to have turned into a lesbian. As much as that realisation had scared him at first, he had quickly come to realise that he didn't mind as much as he had feared he would. Maybe he had finally grown up. Maybe being pregnant and having a child had finally made him leave behind the over the hill club boy that he had been because Brian could say in all honesty that he didn't miss it. Yes, he still yearned for a good fuck and a good blow-job like every other queer, but he couldn't say that he missed the nights out, the getting drunk and the drugs. None of that compared to the happiness his son was giving him by just smiling at him or looking up at him from his big, blue baby eyes.

 

“Debs,” Brian started, fidgeting with his hands as he wondered how he could explain what he was feeling to her without really telling her about his feelings. After all his feelings were still private and none of her business. “I told you and Jen that I am grateful for your offer and one day I will definitely take you up on it, but now... now I just want to spend time with Luke and be the best father to him that I can be.”

 

Debbie smiled and nodded, looking down at the now peacefully sleeping boy in her arms. He had no idea how lucky he was to have Brian Kinney for a father. Brian himself might not see it that way and might not appreciate if someone pointed it out to him, but the dedication he showed to this small baby, the way he had completely changed his life and had basically become a stay at home father to his baby spoke of the love he felt for the small boy he had given birth to. Luke was indeed lucky for Debbie knew that he would always be loved by Brian beyond anything in this world. 

 

“That you are. He couldn't wish for a better daddy.”

 

When she heard Kiki call her name, Debbie knew that it was time to get back to work, so she slowly got up and carefully handed the baby back to Brian, who gently took his son in his arms and held him close, running his hand over his baby's head. 

 

“Is this just a social visit or can I get you anything, honey?”

 

“The usual,” he just said, barely looking up from the boy in his arms.

 

“Brian,” Debbie started to reprimand him, pointing out that he needed to eat more, but stopping when he held up his hand and smiled at her. 

 

“Hold it, grandma. You got to stuff me for more than six months, blaming this little tyrant here for feeding me all kinds of unhealthy foods you could come up with. I am not pregnant anymore, so you can't force-feed me. Those times are over.”

 

Debbie only nodded, accepting defeat, knowing that Brian was right and she couldn't force him to eat something more substantial than his usual sandwich. She squeezed his shoulder before she moved away to call in his order and start serving some of her other customers.

 

While she was busy serving other people, she couldn't help and look over at Brian and Luke several times and every time her eyes settled on Brian's booth, she saw him deeply engrossed in the small baby in his arms. Several times tricks walked past his booth and were obviously trying to get Brian's attention, some of them in really obvious ways – really, as if Debbie believed that that guy's cell-phone had fallen down in front of Brian's booth out of pure coincidence – but not once did he look up and pay them any attention. Brian really had changed a lot in the last 9 months and to her it was one of the best things that could have happened to him. She had always worried about his lifestyle, the drugs, the alcohol and the countless sex and she had been more than grateful when he had calmed down a bit over the years he had been with Justin, but seeing him like that, really did her heart good. She knew that Brian had grown up and had accepted his role as Luke's father. If only her other son could do the same. 

 

She sighed as she thought about Michael and his behaviour in recent months. Ever since Luke had been born three months ago, Michael had all but refused to acknowledge the baby's existence. She knew from Brian and from Ben that Michael hadn't seen the baby yet, but was pestering Brian to go out and have fun as in his old Stud days, totally ignoring that Brian was a full time father now. 

 

Brian didn't attend sunday dinners anymore and Debbie knew that it was so he could avoid Michael. More often than not they would have their own version of a family dinner at Britin with Carl, her, Jennifer and Ted and Blake in attendance. And if she was honest with herself, she enjoyed those dinners a lot more than the ones at her home where by now it was mostly only her, Carl and Ben, Michael and Hunter left. Emmett had slowly drifted away from their group and she knew that he had had a falling out with Brian. She assumed it had been about the way Brian had treated Justin, knowing that Emmett had always been very close with Justin. Emmett still called her sometimes and she knew that he had gotten back together with Drew and was busy with his catering service which made her really happy for him. Ted and Blake didn't come to her sunday dinners anymore as they had excused themselves after another one of Michael's tirades about Justin and Luke and had informed her that they would still see her at Britin, but couldn't stomach Michael's presence. It had hurt at first to know that they wouldn't come to her house anymore, but she could understand their point. Michael was grating on her nerves as well with his constant whining about Justin and the baby and as much as she loved her son, she just didn't know what to do with him anymore short of slapping sense into him. Carl had urged her to be hard and to make him face the hurt and division in the family that he was causing, but so far she hadn't been able to bring herself to that. After all he was still her son and she loved him. She knew he was not perfect, but he was her baby and she was his mother, so it was her job to stay on his side, even if it was incredibly hard at times. 

 

She was thrown back into reality when she heard a voice calling out to her. “Ma! Can you get me a cheeseburger and fries?” 

 

It took her a second to realise that she had been so lost in thoughts that she obviously hadn't noticed Michael entering the diner, but when she realised and saw Ben at his side, she couldn't help but frown. With Brian and Luke still there, this couldn't be good, she thought to herself as Ben threw her an apologizing look, resting a hand on his husband's shoulder and urging him to quiet down. 

 

“Michael, let us sit down first and then you can order when Debbie comes to our table.”

 

“Ben, don't be like that. I grew up in this diner. Nobody minds.”

 

Both Debbie and Ben could only roll their eyes at that statement, before Debbie forced herself to greet her son and son-in-law.

 

“What are you doing here, honey? I didn't expect to see you today. Isn't the shop busy what with Christmas around the corner?”

 

“Ben surprised me and invited me to lunch. Who was I to say no?” Michael explained quickly before he started looking around for an empty booth to sit down in. Debbie realised the exact moment when he saw Brian, because his eyes lit up and his whole face began to shine. Ben noticed the change in his husband as well and followed his line of vision and Debbie wondered if she had seen right when his shoulders sagged in a defeated sigh. 

 

“Brian!” he called out loudly to the man who was sitting to them with his back and obviously hadn't seen them yet. Debbie was pretty sure that she wasn't the only one who had seen him flinch when he had heard her son's voice. Ben had seen it too. One look at him proved as much.

 

When Brian didn't react quickly enough for Michael's taste, he shouted out his friend's name once more, quickly walking over to his side, followed immediately by Debbie and Ben. 

 

“Michael, calm down. You're scaring the baby with your yelling,” Debbie admonished, hitting her son on the back of his head for good measure. She still hadn't given up hope that one day she would be able to get some sense into that thick head of his.

 

“What baby?” Michael asked her when he stopped shortly ahead of Brian's booth and turned to his mother.

 

“Brian's baby. Luke. You're scaring him with all your yelling,” Debbie explained once more, walking past Michael to Brian's side, looking at her surrogate son in apology. “I am sorry, honey.”

 

“It's fine,” Brian just replied, holding his son close to his chest, gently running a hand across his backside and whispering gentle, comforting words to the baby that had started crying after Michael had yelled Brian's name the first time. “Shhhhh, it's okay. Daddy is here.”

 

It didn't take long for the tears to stop and soon after Luke had calmed down again in Brian's arms. Once his son wasn't crying anymore, Brian slowly turned around to his once former best friend and nodded curtly at him and his husband. “Michael. Ben.”  

 

“Brian, I am so sorry,” Ben immediately began, but his apology was waved away by Brian.

 

“It wasn't you that was yelling. Don't worry about it,” Brian said quietly, throwing a glare at Michael who didn't seem to realise that the three people in his immediate vicinity expected him to apologise which he didn't do.

 

“You still have the baby?” Was all Michael said, looking at him wide-eyed.

 

“Good day to you too. How are you doing? I am fine and yes, I still have my baby. Where else would he be?” Brian snarked, holding Luke closer as if to protect him from Michael's presence.

 

“I thought you were going to get rid of him once he was born,” Michael said seriously, ignoring the outraged cries of his mother and husband.

 

Brian only shook his head before he started strapping Luke back into the baby carrier, not feeling ready to listen to Michael's tirades once more. He didn't feel like hearing that keeping his son was a mistake and that Justin had just gotten him pregnant to ensure a part in his life. Not when his son made him happier than he had ever been.

 

“Michael,” Ben hissed at his husband, glaring at him. “How can you say that?”

 

Debbie looked just as shocked and for once in her life didn't know what to say. She was actually speechless.

 

“All this baby is doing is destroying Brian's reputation. He hasn't been to Babylon in months. People haven't seen him fuck tricks in forever and instead he's bringing this baby to Liberty Avenue... What are people supposed to think?”

 

“This baby as you so lovingly refered to him is my son and he is called Luke. Seeing how you are a father yourself, I foolishly led myself to believe that you would actually understand that as a father I want to spend time with my child and want to be with him, but apparently that is not the case, so please, excuse me, I am going to spend the rest of my day in better company.” With that Brian got up from the booth and looked at Debbie. “I'll see you on Saturday?” he asked and she could hear the slight insecurity in his voice for which she couldn't help but blame Michael. 

 

“Of course and I am going to bring your favourite, honey.” 

 

“Ma, why don't you watch the baby on Saturday so Brian and I can go out and have some fun at Babylon?”

 

“Michael, we have plans on Saturday,” Ben angrily interrupted his husband and glared at him even more. 

 

“Ben, we can postpone that. Brian and I haven't been out in months.”

 

“Don't worry, Ben. I have no intention of spending time with your husband on Saturday or any time else if he doesn't accept that I am a father and have a baby son that needs my attention,” Brian said quietly before he allowed Debbie to leave a kiss on his cheek. He then slowly moved towards the door, leaving the diner.

 

“Oh Ben, thanks for the lovely books you sent me after Luke's birth. He especially loves the one about the animals,” Brian gave as a parting shot, not able to help himself and not able to hide his amusement when he heard Michael's whiny voice. 

 

“What books, Ben? What is he talking about?”

 

“When a friend of yours has a baby you usually get them a present to celebrate that happy occasion. I got Brian and Luke a couple of books that Brian could read to him and that would be stimulating for a newborn,” Ben explained calmly, not in the least surprised when he saw his husband's shocked expression.

 

“What did you get him?” Debbie dared to ask, looking at her son from thunderous eyes. When she saw his defiant glare, she couldn't help but hit him over the head once more. “Oh you didn't!” 

 

“You didn't get them anything?” Ben asked in outrage and then stomped out of the diner without looking at Michael again.

 

“Michael, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Debbie asked him, sounding more than disappointed.

 

“He never wanted a child and he sure as hell wouldn't have wanted this child if boy wonder hadn't trapped him,” Michael started, but was interrupted by Debbie's angry voice.

 

“One more word and I am going to hit you so hard you're not gonna know which day of the week it is. You stop this whole shit right now. Sunshine did not trap Brian with a baby. He doesn't even know about the baby. And Brian loves his son. If you would only open your eyes long enough to see how loving and caring he is when he is with Luke you would see that he has changed. He might have been a club boy once, but he is a father now. Get that into your thick head, Michael. You are losing your best friend in case you didn't notice,” Debbie spat at him before walking back to the cash register and asking Kiki to deal with her son as she just couldn't be around him right now.

 

Michael only glared angrily at her and everyone else in the diner who was watching him from curious eyes and then huffed before sitting down in the empty booth that Brian had vacated just minutes before.

 

Chapter 15

 

Brian had just put Luke down for his mid-afternoon nap and was about to get some work done for Kinnetik when he heard his doorbell. For a second he cursed, cursing the person that was ringing his doorbell for possibly waking up his son. Not wanting to give the person any more chance to ring the bell again, Brian hurried to the main door of the house while keeping an ear on his son's nursery. So far he couldn't hear anything.

 

On his way to the door, Brian wondered who it could be ringing his doorbell. Jennifer wasn't due for a visit until the next day and Debbie and Carl would only show up in about three hours. Thinking that it was probably the mailman, Brian quickly opened the door.

 

He frowned when he saw a well-dressed woman in her thirties looking at him expectantly.

 

“Mr. Brian Kinney?”

 

“Yes,” Brian nodded, looking at the woman from confused eyes. “And you are?”

“My name is Keisha Williams and I am working for the Monongalia County Child Protective Services.“

Brian felt his blood turn cold when he heard her introduction. Child Protective Services? What did Child Protective Services want from him? He knew enough of the world to know that they would only show up if they thought something was amiss and he was a bad parent.

 

Clearing his throat, Brian stepped aside and asked the woman inside. He had been tempted to shut the door in her face and just hide in the big house, but he knew that would be a bad idea and would make him look really bad in the eyes of that woman. As hard as it was for him at times, cooperation seemed to be the way to go for this unexpected visit.

 

“What can I do for you?” He asked as he led her into the kitchen where he offered her a coffee which she declined.

 

“Mr. Kinney, we got a report about child neglect and endangerment concerning the child Luke Kinney.”

 

“Luke Kinney-Taylor,” Brian immediately corrected her, almost by reflex before he processed what she had said. “Child neglect and endangerment? Someone reported me for neglecting my baby?” As he went on, his voice rose and it was obvious that he was angry about the unfounded accusations. “Who reported me?”

 

“I can't disclose that information, Mr. Kinney,” the woman replied calmly, pulling a notebook out of her bag. She flipped open a page and looked at a report in front of her. “We have received information that you are neglecting your child and are getting drunk in front of the baby. We have also gotten information that you smoke weed in front of the child and leave him alone for several hours a day to get your sexual needs met,” she read from her notebook, then looked up and met Brian's gaze head on.

 

“What the fuck? What kind of bullshit is this? Are you kidding me?” Brian retorted furiously. “I would never do that around my son.”

 

“Mr. Kinney, I must ask you to calm down, please. I can understand that this is very emotional for you, but I must ask you to remain calm. I am not accusing you of anything, but obviously when we receive a report like that, we need to investigate and need to find out the truth.”

Brian sighed as he sank down in a chair opposite the young woman. “Look, whoever reported this was lying. I haven't had a drink in more than a year. Ever since I found out I was pregnant with Luke. The same goes for smoking weed or taking any drugs. I won't lie, I haven't always been innocent and I have taken recreational drugs in the past, but never around my son and not since I've gotten pregnant.”

 

“You must understand that we will have to follow up on that, Mr. Kinney and unfortunately your word alone won't be enough. Would you be willing to agree to a drug test?” Mrs Williams asked and all Brian could do was stare at her.

 

“A drug test?”

“Obviously, if you have nothing to hide as you say, that shouldn't be a problem, right?”

 

Brian didn't like the condescending tone of the woman and couldn't help but glare at her.

 

“No, of course not.”

“We will also have to speak to your family,” Mrs Williams didn't get further than that before she was interrupted by Brian.

 

“No fucking way! Look, I haven't had any contact with my family in years and they hate me for being gay and living my life the way I want to. If you talk to them, they won't be able to tell you anything of merit, they probably won't even know I had a baby.”

 

“You have no contact with your family?” Mrs Williams looked up at Brian and then turned back to her notebook to make a note.

 

“Not my biological family, no. As far as I know that is not a crime, is it?” Brian challenged her and was rewarded by a slightly embarrassed look.

 

“No, of course not,” she cleared her throat before moving down her notes. “You are raising your son on your own?”

“Yes, I am a single parent.”

“That must be hard,” she said sympathetically which Brian didn't buy for a single second. That woman had it in for him, he could see it in the way she looked at him condescendingly.

 

“It's not easy, but I manage.”

“Where is Luke's other father?”

 

Brian fidgeted a bit, before he ran a hand through his hair. “He's not involved. That's not a crime either, is it?”

“No, no it isn't.”

 

“You also have a second son? Where is he?”

“Gus lives with his moms in Canada.”

“His moms?” Mrs Williams raised an eyebrow at Brian's answer.

 

“A lesbian friend of mine and her wife wanted to have a child and I donated my sperm. He is being raised by his mothers in Canada.”

“You gave up your parental rights to your son?”

“Yes,” Brian replied quietly. Giving up his parental rights to Gus had been something he had regretted for a long time. He knew that one day it might look as if he didn't love Gus, when in reality he loved his children more than anything and he had only wanted what was best for Gus and had only wanted him to have the happy family he deserved.

 

“Because you were more interested in a life of sex, drugs and alcohol?” Mrs Williams looked at him in clear disapproval.

 

“Look, when Gus was born it was never the plan that I would be a father to him, but once he was there, I couldn't help but want to be a parent to him. I love my sons, both of them. More than anything else in this world and I would do anything for them to make them happy. Giving up my parental rights had nothing to do with me not wanting my child or not loving him.”

 

Mrs Williams only made more notes on her page in her notebook, before she continued asking him questions. She asked him about his private life, his professional life as well as about Luke and Gus for more than an hour and Brian couldn't help but feel an invasion of his privacy. He had never minded showing his sexual prowess to all of Liberty Avenue, but answering questions about his sex life to this woman who was clearly judging him was not his idea of an afternoon well spent. If he ever found out who had reported him on these bogus claims, that person would regret the day they had made the decision to get Child Protective Services involved.

 

After an hour the interrogation came to an end and Mrs Williams closed her notebook. “If you don't mind, I would like to take a look around the house and would also like to see Luke.”

 

“He's having his afternoon nap in his nursery,” Brian replied to her as he got up from his seat at the kitchen table and led her back into the main hall of Britin.

 

“This won't take long, Mr. Kinney and I won't wake him, but I am sure you understand that it is procedure.”

Brian didn't reply anything to that, not wanting that woman to know where he thought she could stick her procedures and instead led her around the house, showing her the ground floor first before moving up to the second floor.

 

Just as they were on their way to the nursery, Luke started crying and Brian immediately left the woman on her own and made a beeline for the nursery to see his crying baby.

 

“Hey sonny boy, what's going on? What has you crying like this?” Brian said as he carefully picked up the crying baby and rocked him gently against his chest. He couldn't help but smile when Luke immediately leaned into him and rested his tear covered face on Brian's chest. Within seconds the baby quieted down until he was only sniffling anymore.

 

“Are you hungry? Or do you need a new diaper?” Brian went over to his changing table and gently laid his son down, smiling to himself when he tickled the baby's feet and got his son's happy gurgling in response.

 

By the time he had changed Luke's dirty diaper and was ready to take him down to the living-room to give him his bottle he had all but forgotten about the woman from Child Protective Services and he came to a sudden halt when he turned around and saw her watching him from the door frame.

 

“I completely forgot about you being here,” Brian admitted sheepishly. “I am sorry.”

 

“That's okay,” the woman smiled at him and for the first time Brian felt like maybe she wasn't out to judge and get him, but was actually a rather genuine person.

 

“Look, why don't you go and continue looking around. I have nothing to hide,” Brian said quietly as he moved towards the door with a gurgling Luke in his arms.

 

“Where will you go?” the clearly confused woman asked in return.

 

“Downstairs to feed my baby. You can show yourself around on your own, he can't feed himself and needs me to do it,” was all Brian replied before he took Luke downstairs and focused on his son completely.

 

Another half an hour later Mrs Williams joined Brian and Luke in the living-room and watched as Brian played with his son on the living-room floor, making the baby giggle madly by hiding his face behind his hands and playing peekaboo with him.

 

“Mr. Kinney?” she interrupted the playing father and son duo.

 

“Are you done?”

 

“Yes, I am finished. I'll send my report to you within 5 working days, but so far I couldn't find anything that would be considered endangerment to Luke. Obviously I'll be coming back for unannounced visits to check up on Luke's continued well-being and we'll need you to come in for the drug test.”

“Obviously,” Brian snarked as he picked up his son and held him against his chest as he led the woman to the door, happy to finally get rid of her and get her out of his house. She had invaded his privacy for long enough as far as he was concerned.

 

Just as Brian was about to open the door, he heard a key in the lock and frowned when Deb and Carl appeared in his house. “You guys are early,” Brian just declared matter-of-factly as he looked at the couple that was carrying bags of groceries with them.

 

“Hey honey, I hope you don't mind. I was done earlier at the diner and asked Carl if we could come here right away. I missed my grandson,” Debbie cackled as she dropped her bags and took the baby from Brian and smiled at him. When Luke reached for her red hair and giggled at the faces she was making at him, Debbie cackled madly. “Oh baby sunshine, your grandma missed you so much.”

 

“Grandma?” Mrs Williams turned to Brian and frowned at him. “I thought you had no contact with your family. You said so earlier, Mr. Kinney.”

 

“Who are you?” Debbie frowned, not liking the tone the woman was using with Brian.

“Mrs Keisha Williams, Child Protective Services,” she introduced herself and watched as Debbie's jaw dropped.

 

“Fucking Child Protective Services? What are you doing here?”

“Debbie,” Carl admonished her use of the f-word and led his hand to rest on her arm in a calming gesture.

 

“Somebody reported me for child neglect and endangerment, reporting that getting my sexual needs met and drinking and getting high was more important to me than taking care of my son,” Brian spat, making it obvious what he thought of those claims.

 

“WHAT?” Debbie screeched, making the baby in her arms startle and look up at her with confusion and obvious fear.

 

“Calm down, Red,” Carl admonished once more, taking the baby out of Debbie's arms. It was obvious that Luke was only seconds away from a meltdown and having worked in the force for years he knew the last thing they needed was Luke crying like a banshee in front of that woman who was investigating Brian.

 

“Deb!” The glare Brian threw in her direction would have made stronger people shake, but Debbie just looked back at him and Mrs Williams indignantly.

 

“That is ridiculous. You love your baby. Everybody with eyes in their head can see that. You are the best father this baby could have wished for.” Debbie was talking herself into a rage when she was interrupted by Mrs Williams.

 

“And you would be? Luke's grandmother?”

“Too fucking right I am. And I can tell you that Brian here loves baby sunshine more than life itself.”

 

“Debbie is my surrogate mother. I told you that I didn't have contact with my family and Debbie kind of became my second mom. More of a mother to me than my real mother ever was.”

 

“Mrs...,” Mrs Williams began, but then stopped when she realised that Debbie still hadn't introduced herself.

 

“Novotny. Debbie Novotny.”

 

Brian frowned when he saw something like a glimmer of recognition flicker in the woman's eyes at the mention of Debbie's last name.

 

“Mrs Novotny, as part of our investigation we'll have to interview Mr Kinney's family and friends. Would you be available for an interview sometime during the week?”

 

“An interview? What do you want to know? Brian is a good father and whatever you have been told is absolute bullshit. Brian would never do anything to harm his children. That is ridiculous.”

 

“And you are?” The Child Protective Services agent asked turning towards Carl, not replying to what Debbie had said.

“Detective Carl Horvath of the Pittsburgh PD. I am the baby's grandfather for a lack of a better term.”

 

“Would you be available for an interview as well?”

 

Carl nodded and took the card she handed him, putting it away in the pocket of his jacket.

 

“Give me a call whenever you have time,” Mrs Williams nodded towards the card in Carl's hand and then moved towards the door.

 

“Mr Kinney, as said before, I'll be dropping by for further visits in the future. Have a good day everyone.” And with that she left and got into her car in the driveway.

 

“What the fuck was that all about?” Debbie exclaimed once Brian shut the door.

 

“This is probably somebody's idea of a bad joke,” Brian muttered angrily as he walked over to Carl and took his son back into his arms, holding the baby tight as it leaned into him.

 

“Do you have any idea who could have reported you?” Carl asked and it was obvious that he had switched into detective mode immediately.

 

“No, not really. I guess there are a lot of people out there who could have a grudge against me. Business partners, disgruntled tricks, hell... I don't know...”

 

“She seemed to recognise your name, Debbie,” Carl pointed out, not saying anything else.

 

“Yeah, I noticed that, too,” Brian nodded, looking at Carl. “Why would she?”

“Well...,” Carl began, but then fidgeted.

 

“Carl, you're reading too much into this. She might just have heard the name somewhere on the news after the Babylon bombing when Michael's name was in the press,” Debbie started, not liking what Carl was implying one bit.

 

“Or that god damn bastard went and reported me to Child Protective Services,” Brian spat, not able to believe that Michael, a person he had considered his best friend for years would do something like that to him.

 

“Brian, he wouldn't do that...,” Debbie started placating the angry man, but didn't get much further.

 

“How else would she know your last name and recognise it?” Brian raised an eyebrow in question.

 

“You're reading too much into this because you're angry, honey.”

“I am reading people for a life, Deb. And I am damn good at my job. When you gave your last name, there was a flicker of recognition. The name Novotny meant something to her.”

“He is right, Red. I have been interviewing people for decades and she clearly reacted when you gave your name,” Carl supported Brian's assessment.

 

“But... he wouldn't...,” Debbie was lost for words, not able to believe what the other two men were implying.

 

“Look, there is nothing we can do right away. Tomorrow I'll speak with my contacts in the Pittsburgh Child Protective Agency and will try to find out who made this bogus report. For now we should just try to calm down and have a nice evening. I for one am hungry.”

 

Debbie looked at her boyfriend doubtfully, but in the end nodded, knowing that Carl was right and the voice of reason as there was nothing they could do at the moment.

 

The three adults plus baby moved into the kitchen where Debbie immediately busied herself preparing dinner, the whole time praying that Carl and Brian were wrong.

 

***

 

“You won't like what I was told,” Carl said seriously as he looked from Debbie to Brian and back.

 

“Just tell me,” Brian sighed, by now resigned to the fact that it had been his best friend who had reported him to Child Protective Services. The more he had thought about it, the more it had made sense to him seeing how Michael had wanted him to get rid of his baby for months now.

 

Mrs Williams' visit to Britin had happened three days ago and by now both Debbie and Carl had given their interviews and Brian had gone in and done the drug test. Now Brian was sitting in Debbie's kitchen with Luke sleeping peacefully on his blanket on the floor.

 

“My friend in the Pittsburgh division told me that they didn't only receive one report, but two.”

“Two?” Debbie gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. “Who would do something like that?” She still wasn't believing that her son was involved and wondered who could be that cruel.

 

“I am sorry, Brian, but it looks like the reports were filed by Michael and Lindsay,” Carl said quietly, immediately seeing how much impact his revelation had on the young man sitting across from him. He watched as Brian's mouth opened and closed and then opened again, his face showing his obvious shock. Just like Carl Brian might have suspected Michael's involvement, but Carl could only assume how much it had to hurt to find out that not only your best friend, but also the mother of your other child were involved.

 

“Lindsay as well?” Brian whispered after what to him felt like an eternity of silence.

 

“I am sorry, son,” Carl nodded and then looked at Debbie. “I am sorry, Red, but it was the two of them.”

“Why?” Debbie angrily exclaimed. “Why would they fucking do this to their best friend?”

 

“Can you guys watch Luke for a bit?” Brian said, his voice deadly calm, surprising both Debbie and Carl with his request.

 

“Brian, honey? Are you okay?”

“I... I just need to be alone for a bit. Can you watch him, please?” Brian asked quietly, not meeting Debbie's eyes when he posed his question.

 

“Of course, son,” Carl answered quietly, shaking his head at Debbie when she was about to contradict him. He knew that she wanted to talk to Brian, wanted to comfort him and be there for him, but over the years he had gotten to know Brian Kinney quite well and he knew that what Brian needed now was some time alone. Time to process what had happened and make sense of it. As much as anyone could make sense of this awful situation.

 

Brian nodded gratefully at the older man and then got up, nearly running out of the kitchen. Debbie got an idea of how hurt Brian had to be when he didn't even stop to say goodbye to Luke, but just ran out of her house.

 

“How could he do this? How could he hurt Brian like that? And how could she? The father of her child?” She asked from teary eyes, looking up at Carl at her side.

 

“I don't know. I really don't know, Red...”

 

***

 

Brian drove around the city for what felt like hours. He had been so angry he had just gotten on the interstate and had accelerated as much as he could in his SUV. He just needed to crash something and if it was his car with him in it, he didn't care. The more he had sped along the interstate, the more he had slowly calmed down and after about an hour of just driving around aimlessly, Brian had left the interstate and had stopped at a small forest .

 

He had gotten out of his car and had run into the forest, screaming his frustrations at the trees and punching them until his knuckles had been bloody. Then he had sunk down to his knees and had finally allowed his emotions to run free. He had cried, allowing the hurt and pain of that betrayal to leave his body with his tears. At first Brian had been shocked by his own tears, not knowing where they had come from, not having expected them. Usually Brian had been so good at shutting out all emotions and feelings and protecting his heart from any pain, but now things were different. He had let Justin into his heart and Gus and last but not least Luke and along with them he had also made place in his heart for his two best friends only to find out now that they had betrayed him. This betrayal by his two oldest and best friends hurt more than Brian cared to admit and for a second he wished that he had never opened his heart to other people at all. But then he would have never been together with Justin and he would have never gotten pregnant and there would be no Luke in his life. A thought that scared the shit out of Brian when he realised that the thought of a world without his baby hurt even more than the pain he was currently experiencing.

 

Brian didn't know how long he had stayed in that forest, but he figured it had to have been a couple of hours as the sun was about to disappear for the day when he made his way back to his car. By the time he made his way back to Pittsburgh an hour and a half later it was already dark and evening had settled.

 

Knowing that he would have to return to Debbie's and would need to pick up Luke to get him home and into his own crib, Brian left the interstate at the exit for Debbie's house. Just as he was about to take the right turn that would take him into Debbie's neighbourhood, he changed his mind and turned left instead. About 20 minutes later he pulled up in front of Michael's and Ben's house. He was aware that this wasn't a smart idea, but the closer he got to Michael's home, the angrier he got again and the more he knew that he needed closure.

 

Brian stepped out of his car and made his way to the door, hammering on it with almost violent knocks.

 

“Open up! Open up, you goddamn asshole!” He yelled, not caring who could hear him.

 

“Brian? Is that you?” Ben asked carefully from behind the door, not opening it yet.

 

“Open the goddamn door, Professor or I'll kick it in. I swear to God,” Brian threatened hammering once again against the door.

 

“Brian, jeez. What is going on?” Ben asked after he had opened the door when he saw Brian's pained expression and the trails of dried tears that were visible on his face. “What happened? Is everything alright?”

“Nothing is alright. Why don't we ask your goddamn husband for the reason? MICHAEL! Get your fucking ass here!” Brian yelled, storming into the living-room, looking around for his once best friend.

 

“Brian, calm down,” Ben urged, not quite sure what was going on, feeling reminded of that night a year and a half ago when Brian had shown up at their doorstep totally drunk in the middle of the night, accusing Michael of infecting Justin with his ideas of what Brian considered to be an unacceptable image of relationships.

 

“I will not calm down. MICHAEL!” He yelled once more and only stopped when the man he had yelled for came downstairs and stopped at the foot of the stairs.

 

“Jeez, Brian. What's going on?”

“You know exactly what's going on. Don't play innocent with me. You've done it for years, but it won't work anymore. What the fuck is your problem? Why can't you just leave me and Luke the fuck alone!”

“Brian?” Ben asked, unsuccessfully trying to intervene.

 

“Why is it so hard for you to accept that I love my son and don't want to get rid of him? Why can't you see that I love being a father to my baby? You are dead to me after what you've done. And so is Lindsay. Don't ever think about contacting me again. You will regret the day you do!” Brian spat at his former best friend and was about to storm out of the house after having said his piece when Ben stepped into his path. Clearly the professor was a braver man than Brian had expected.

 

“What are you talking about, Brian?”

“Why don't you ask your husband, Professor? Ask him what he did. Didn't he tell you? Isn't that what married people in committed relationships do?” Brian sneered.

 

“Michael, what is he talking about?” Ben asked, turning to his husband, looking to him for an explanation of what was going on.

 

“Nothing, Ben. Brian is just overreacting,” Michael said quietly which turned out to be a big mistake. Brian had still been in the living-room and had been able to hear Michael's words which made something inside him snap.

 

“Overreacting? You fucking bastard! Tell him what you did! Tell him what you and Lindsay did,” Brian yelled angrily at Michael, Ben only frowning at the scene unfolding in front of him. He had never seen Brian like that. Not even that night when he had come here because of Justin leaving him. Now there was another kind of pain and hurt in Brian and it was palpable even for Ben.

 

“Michael, what is he talking about?” Ben implored his husband.

 

“Nothing, Ben. Lindsay and I just wanted to make sure Brian would be happy.”

“Happy? By having Child Protective Services take my child away from me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

 

“Child Protective Services?” Ben could only frown in confusion.

 

“Your husband and Lindsay thought it was a good idea to report me for Child neglect and endangerment because getting my sexual needs met and getting high and drunk was more important to me than taking care of my son. Isn't that what you and Lindsay said to them?”

 

When Michael didn't reply, Brian wasn't surprised. Michael had always been a coward and had never stood up for any of his actions.

 

“MICHAEL!” Ben yelled at his husband in outrage, looking at him almost beseechingly. “Tell me it isn't true. Tell me you didn't do that.”

 

“Ben...,” Michael started, but was immediately interrupted by Ben.

“The truth, Michael. I don't want to hear any excuses,” Ben glared at him.

 

“We just want him to be the old Brian again,” Michael muttered as if that would justify his actions.

 

“I have a baby, I am a father. That Brian is dead,” Brian spat, before turning to the door once more. “Never ever contact me again or you will regret it,” he threatened before he left his former friend's house. As he made his way to the car he could still hear Ben's outraged voice yelling at Michael.

 

On the way to Debbie's house, Brian stopped in a parking lot of a supermarket to place a call to Canada. He told Lindsay the same he had told Michael and told her that she was never to contact him again. Ever!

 

“You'll never see Gus again, Brian,” the blond had then threatened and that was when Brian had exploded at her.

 

“Do not use Gus to threaten me. We had an agreement about visitation and if you don't keep up your end, you'll hear from my lawyer.”

 

“You have no right to him, Brian. You signed away your rights. So if I were you, I'd think very carefully about how you talk to me.”

“Are you threatening me, Linds? Because it's not working. My lawyer will be in contact with you shortly and you will regret using my son as a threat to me.”

“You have no rights, Brian. There is nothing your lawyer can do.”

“Yeah, you think so? Unlike you I do actually know the law and have talked to a lawyer about my chances of seeing Gus,” Brian said calmly, his revelation clearly startling her. She had obviously thought that he would feel threatened by her using Gus to put pressure on him. What she didn't know was that Brian had indeed met with a lawyer after he had argued with her about her role in Luke's life and in his life. He had already feared then that she would use Gus against him to get her way and had lawyered up just to be on the safe side. His lawyer had assured him that with all the money he had paid for Gus over the years and was still paying he had more than established his role as the boy's father and had rights to him, no matter what a piece of paper said. If they hadn't wanted him to be a father to Gus in the eyes of the law, they damn well shouldn't have taken his money.

 

“How about you catch up with Melanie about your current situation. I am sure your wife will confirm what my lawyer has said. And Lindsay, just so you know: The bank of Kinney is closed! Try making it in Canada on your own without all the money I am sending for Gus.”

“Brian, you can't do that. How is Gus supposed to live?”

“Well, you're his mother. I am sure you have a plan for how to provide for your kid. And I am pretty sure Gus doesn't need several thousand dollars a month. He's never that expensive when he comes here to visit me.”

 

“Brian, you will regret this. You will never see Gus again.”

“No, Lindsay. You will regret this. You will regret the day you tried to come between me and my sons. I expect to see Gus next weekend. You can drop him off with Jennifer. I don't intend to see you. Ever again!” With that Brian hung up and made a note to call his lawyer first thing in the morning the next day.

 

Two hours later Brian finally lay in his bed in the master bedroom of Britin and tried to sleep. He was tired, but yet sleep wouldn't claim him and instead he was tossing and turning in his bed, all the time thinking back to his friends' betrayal and how they hadn't even apologised once, but had instead justified their behaviour.

 

With friends like that, who needed enemies?

 

 

Chapter 16

 

 

It had been six weeks since Mrs Williams from Child Protective Services had first shown up at Britin. Since then she had been back three more times for unannounced visits and had interviewed Debbie, Carl, Jennifer, Ted and Cynthia about Brian's parenting skills. Brian had also gone in for the drug test she had required and had passed with flying colours.

 

Finally, two days ago the investigation into him had been closed and the claims of child neglect and endangerment had been proven to be bogus. When Brian had received official word that the investigation was over and the State of West Virginia considered him a fit parent for his son, he had been relieved. Relieved that finally this invasion of his privacy was over and that he could finally put this unfortunate issue behind him and his son. He just wanted to forget it had ever happened and that his two best friends had ever betrayed him.

Word about what Lindsay and Michael had done had gotten around and had caused quite a rift in the Liberty Avenue family. Ted and Blake had immediately offered their support to Brian and had been over for visits more often than Brian cared to think about. He had a feeling that Ted had felt bad for him now that Lindsay and Michael were out of his life and he mostly spent his time with his baby and the grandmas that were visiting regularly.

Yes, at times Brian had missed his two friends, but then he had remembered how they had betrayed him and how weird they had acted in recent months and then the anger rose inside of him again and he was glad that they were out of his life. Being a single father was hard enough, he didn't have time to bother with friends that weren't friends and couldn't be counted on.

 

With time Brian had realised how much he had enjoyed spending time with Ted and Blake. They had many conversations and discussions and Brian was often reminded of times when Justin and him would talk about the going ons of the world. Much like Justin both Ted and Blake were incredibly smart and knew a lot about a number of topics. Discussions with them never got tired and Brian felt as if he had moved on to the realm of adult friendship now that he was a full time father.

 

Instead of going out for drinks and getting his dick sucked, they would spend evenings together having meaningful discussions or cooking together. As much as Brian thought years ago that he would rather kill himself than ever live a life like that as a stepford fag, he now found himself quite enjoying those evenings.

He blamed it all on Luke and the pregnancy, having a baby had finally made the mighty Brian Kinney grow up and become a stepford fag. And he didn't bother one bit. He loved his son and wanted to be the best father to him that he could be and if that meant finally growing up then that was the least he could do for his baby.

 

At times Brian missed Justin and wondered what it would be like to enjoy all these changes with Justin by his side, but then Jennifer would mention the work Justin was doing, would mention the meetings his agent had set up for him and the prospect of his first show coming up and Brian knew that he had done the right thing. Justin deserved this chance and Brian would rather die than take it away from the love of his life. For he knew without a doubt that that was what Justin had been. Maybe even the only man he would ever love. Who knew? It wasn't like he had much time or possibility to think about anything but his son right now. And when he wasn't thinking about his son, he was most likely busy on getting caught up on Kinnetik and Babylon business or just trying to catch up on some sleep as he had been just as sleep deprived as every other parent to a newborn.

 

But Brian wouldn't change it for the world, he was happy and just holding his son in his arms, seeing him smile at him and hear him gurgle and giggle made him happier than he ever thought he could be.

 

The same went for Gus only that Brian didn't nearly see him as often as he would like to. At first after their big falling out Lindsay had tried to keep Gus away from Brian, but one letter from his lawyer demanding payback for all the money Brian had ever paid for Gus without there being any legal requirement to since he didn't have any parental rights anymore and wasn't Gus' father in the eyes of the law had made her change her tune.

If she thought she could play dirty by using his son against him, so could he. And he had a lot more power and money behind him to play dirty than she had. Which apparently she had started to realise when the letter from his lawyer had arrived in Toronto. Or maybe Melanie had finally found out what Lindsay had been up to, since a copy had been sent to her as well, and had managed to talk some sense into her wife.

Brian didn't really care why, all he cared about was that a week after his lawyer's letter Gus had come down to Pittsburgh to spend the weekend with him and Luke and as usual the Kinney men had had a great time together and it had warmed Brian's heart to see Gus dote on his baby brother.

Being on his way to Jennifer's to pick Gus up for his next weekend sleepover, Brian felt excited once more at the prospect of having both his sons with him for the weekend. It was amazing how he hadn't even thought about going out or getting his dick sucked in weeks, but was now more excited about his sons spending time with him than anything else.

 

Chuckling to himself, Brian stopped his car when he arrived at Jennifer's place and smiled gently when he picked up Luke from his car seat and went towards her front door.

 

“Your old man might finally have grown up. Lucky for you you don't have to see his old self anymore,” Brian said seriously as the small baby waved his fist in Brian's face and then rested it on Brian's nose.

 

Together they continued their way to Jennifer's door, which opened even before Brian got a chance to ring the bell.

 

“Daddy!” Gus came running out of the house and towards him, stopping short of Brian when he saw that Brian was carrying Luke in his arms. Gus immediately slowed down and then wrapped his arms around his father's waist before gently touching his baby brother's small feet in greeting.

 

“Hey Luke,” Gus said happily as Brian squeezed his shoulders and Luke gurgled happily.

 

“Hey sonny boy, how are you? Are you excited for our weekend together?”

“Yes, Daddy! So excited. I can't wait to show you and Luke what I painted for you both.”

“And we can't wait to see it,” Brian assured his son who smiled at him excitedly.

“Brian?” Jennifer called out for him and Brian frowned when he saw a harried look on her face and saw her eyes shift back to the inside of her house uncomfortably.

“What's going on, Jennifer?” Brian asked.

 

“Gus, honey. Why don't you go back up and say goodbye to your mommy before you and your daddy leave?”

“Okay, Grandma Jen,” Gus agreed happily and then ran off into the house.

 

“Why is she still here?” Brian asked angrily, immediately catching on to what made Jennifer so uncomfortable. He had made it clear to Lindsay that he didn't want to see her again and that she was to drop Gus off at Jennifer's and then was to disappear.

 

“She refuses to leave until you have talked to her, Brian. I don't know what to do. I... I didn't want to call the police, but,” Jennifer started, but was interrupted by Lindsay's voice behind her.

 

“Brian, it's good to see you.”

“I think I made myself very clear the last time I talked to you. I don't want to see you. Ever again.”

“Brian, please,” Lindsay looked at him from tearful eyes. “You're Peter to my Wendy.”

“That was a long time ago,” Brian spat and was about to turn around when Lindsay grabbed his arm.

 

“Brian, please. Just let me explain.”

“Don't ever touch me again,” Brian only hissed at her. “There is nothing you can say to explain what you did and I made myself very clear the last time I talked to you.”

“Please, Brian. I am sorry. God, you have to believe me. I am so sorry for what I did. I... I believed when Michael told me that you didn't want this child and... when Michael said you missed your old life. Well, I believed him. I shouldn't have, I know that now, but Brian... I was only trying to help you get the life back that Michael made me believe you wanted.”

Not buying her bullshit for one second, Brian only snorted at her. “You saw me with Luke. You and Gus spent enough times at Britin to know how much I love my son. So spare me the “I only wanted you to get your life back”-bullshit. Please...”

 

“Brian, you don't understand. Michael... he said that you had grown tired of constantly taking care of Luke and that you had started to miss your old life, that you had realised that you couldn't be a full-time dad and...”

“You believed him? After seeing me with my son?” Brian looked at her incredulously.

 

“I... I guess I thought that what he said made sense, I mean... you did change, Brian. Completely. I thought that maybe the change had been too much and you realised that it had been too much and yes, I made the mistake of believing him.”

“Lets pretend here for a second that I do actually believe you: Why didn't you call me and ask me directly how I was feeling?”

“When have you ever talked about your feelings, Brian?” Lindsay raised an eyebrow, but immediately stopped when she saw the glare Brian threw her. “Brian, look. I made a mistake, okay? I am sorry, but I never ever meant to do anything to harm you. I just wanted to help you and when Michael told me about how unhappy you were, I didn't want to mention it to you. You never handled failure well and I thought you would feel like a failure for not being able to raise your child.”

“Now if that isn't a vote of confidence, I don't know,” Brian muttered angrily, handing over Luke to Jennifer who was listening to their conversation in silence. “Can you make sure that he and Gus are okay? I'll be with you in a minute,” Brian said quietly and Jennifer nodded before going inside with her grandson in her arms, leaving Brian and Lindsay on their own.

 

“Do you really want me to believe you that this was all Michael's plan? How stupid do you think I am?” Brian glared at her, daring her to continue lying.

“Michael told me about how unhappy you were and how you wanted your old life back, but were too proud to admit it and...,” Lindsay sighed before she went on. “I came up with the plan. It was my plan, Brian, but... just because I trusted him to tell me the truth. I am so sorry, Brian. You have no idea. I never meant to hurt you. You're my Peter,” Lindsay told him tearfully.

“What do you think using Gus against me was if not hurting me?”

“I was panicking. Brian, I... I realised that Michael had lied to me and had used me for his agenda and you were so angry and... God, I got scared when you were so angry and I snapped. I didn't mean to. I know how much you love Gus and... God, Brian. I am so sorry! I just want things to go back to the way they were before.” More tears ran down Lindsay's cheeks, but Brian didn't care about any of them. Too much had happened.

 

“Things will never be like that again. Ever again,” Brian spat, getting ready to move past Lindsay into the house.

 

“Brian,” she yelled desperately, holding on to his arm and stopping him. “I love you, Brian. Don't do this. We're Gus parents. We... you can't ignore me for the rest of your life. I... I just want us to be friends again.”

“In all you just said, you're only right about one thing,” Brian began after he had been silent for a long time and had looked at Lindsay intently for several minutes. “We are Gus parents. You are right, I can't ignore you for the rest of your life, but let me make one thing very clear, Lindsay: Things will never be the same again as they used to be. I will be civil whenever Gus is present and I don't want him to catch on to any tension, but Peter and Wendy are done and over with.”

“Brian..., please...,” Lindsay sobbed and looked at him pleadingly, but Brian steeled himself against her tears.

 

“I will return Gus here by 5pm on Sunday. Until then, leave us be.”

 

“Brian,” Lindsay tried once more, but Brian only held up his hand to stop her.

 

“You hurt me. I might forgive you for that, Linds, but I will never forget. Never!”

 

“I am sorry, Brian. God, you have no idea how sorry. I... I never meant to do you any harm. Please, believe me that I am sorry.”

“I wish I could. I need time, Lindsay,” Brian said calmly before moving into the house and picking up his sons for their weekend together.

 

 

***

 

Over the next couple of weeks, Brian ran into Lindsay several times when she dropped of Gus and he picked him up and as he had promised her, he always remained civil. He was still vary of her excuse, but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was right. Maybe she had only followed Michael's misguided opinions and had only thought she had been doing the right thing. Not that Brian agreed, but maybe she was really sorry and it had been a mistake just like she claimed.

 

Was one mistake worth throwing away years and years of friendship? And she was right. They were Gus' parents. He had already destroyed the relationship to the father of his youngest son and he wasn't sure if he was ready to destroy the relationship to the mother of his other son, too.

 

And if Brian was really honest with himself, he just didn't know if he was ready to give up on his friendship with Lindsay. She had been one of his oldest friends and the thought of losing her and Michael at the same time had hurt incredibly and had pained him more than he cared to admit.

 

Shouldn't he do whatever he could to salvage whatever he could of their friendship? For Gus' sake just as well as for his own sake?

Not sure what had really made him decide to forgive her in the end all Brian knew was that he was trying to move on from what had happened and was trying to find a way to keep Lindsay in his life.

 

“Brian, Gus, Luke. How lovely to see you,” Jennifer exclaimed happily when the three Kinney men arrived at her doorstep to drop off Gus so he could fly back to Toronto with his mother later that evening.

 

“How was your weekend?”

“Great, Grandma Jen. We went hiking,” Gus told her happily, smiling from ear to ear.

 

“Hiking? No way!”

 

“Yes, at Britin. Daddy took me and Luke to the edge of the grounds and then we went even further. Daddy said what we did was called hiking and I really liked it. We saw so many cool trees, Grandma Jen.”

“That really does sound great,” Jennifer agreed and ushered the three men inside. When Brian actually settled down on her sofa and lay Luke down next to him, she frowned.

“Aren't you leaving, Brian?” Jennifer asked, wondering why it looked as if Brian was getting comfortable. Surely he had to know that Lindsay would show up in a couple of minutes.

 

“I need to speak to Lindsay for a minute,” Brian only told her, not looking at her when he said so.

 

Jennifer frowned and raised an eyebrow at him, but Brian didn't see it, purposefully ignoring her by focusing his attention on Luke and Gus.

 

“How so?”

“Jennifer,” Brian sighed, taking a deep breath. “It's none of your business.”

“It concerns my grandson. I think that makes it my business.”

“It does not concern Luke, so stop right there.”

“It concerns Gus, who is my grandson as well,” Jennifer calmly retorted, daring Brian to contradict her statement.

 

Admitting that she kind of had a point, Brian only sighed again. “She is Gus' mother. I am just trying to establish some kind of level on which we can communicate.”

 

“Is that all?” Jennifer eyed him closely, having a distinct feeling that it wasn't.

 

“No, but my reasoning beyond wanting to get along with Gus' mother is really none of your business.” Brian looked at her sternly and in the end Jennifer only nodded. If Brian didn't want to tell her the truth, there was nothing she could do.

 

“Just be careful. I don't think she's utterly honest with you,” she said seriously, walking past Brian to the door when she heard the doorbell.

 

Brian frowned and wondered why Jennifer would say that, but in the end didn't dwell on that too long when Lindsay arrived in the living-room.

 

“Brian? I didn't expect to see you here. What a lovely surprise,” Lindsay greeted him like any proper WASP would.

 

“I need to talk to you for a second before you and Gus leave.”

 

Lindsay frowned and eyed Brian warily, but followed him out onto the porch after Brian had made sure that Jennifer would watch Gus and Luke for a few minutes.

 

“What do you want to talk about?”

“I... I have been thinking about what you said,” Brian started.

 

“What I said?”

“About how you only did what you did because you believed Michael and how you're sorry about what happened.”

“I am,” Lindsay immediately repeated, looking at Brian seriously. “I am so sorry, Brian. You have to believe me.”

“I want to,” Brian said in a small voice, not looking at her.

 

“Brian?”

“I really want to believe you, but... I am not sure if I can. Too much has happened and too much has changed.”

“What are you saying?” Lindsay asked from fearful eyes.

 

“I... I don't want us to argue for the rest of Gus' life and... I don't want him to grow up with tension between us, so... for his sake... I'll choose to believe you and I'll choose to forgive you for what you did,” Brian said in a voice hardly above a whisper.

“Oh Brian,” Lindsay gasped, walking over to him and about to hug him when Brian took a step back from her, holding up his hands.

 

“I will forgive you for his sake, but... I won't forget, Lindsay. I can't! I'll need time to trust you again and to have us be friends again, but for Gus' sake I am willing to try at making a friendship between us work.”

Realising that this was the best she could actually hope for under the circumstances, Lindsay nodded, a grateful look in her eyes. “Thank you, Brian. I... I understand and I appreciate it. I will not disappoint you again.”

Brian nodded at her and then went back inside, leaving the woman on her own to contemplate his words.

 

 

 

Chapter 17

 

 

Brian smiled at this six month old baby as Luke was giving him a loud burp. He had just finished feeding his son and couldn't help but grin madly like the proud father that he was for the amazing feat his son had just accomplished. A good and loud burp.

 

“There you go, sonny boy. Now that was a great one,” Brian chuckled as he gently stroked his son's head and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

 

He then settled the baby in his left arm and got himself comfortable in the rocking chair. As he usually did when Luke was about to drift off, Brian would tell him stories about himself and Justin. He didn't know why, but at one point he had started and it seemed to calm Luke and himself as well. Talking about Justin made it seem as if he was part of their lives somehow and most importantly was part of Luke's life somehow.

 

“Your Papa is a proud fucker, you know that? I don't think I've ever seen anyone being prouder than he is. You should have seen him every time I offered him money. He would never take it without a fight and at one time he rather went and became a go-go boy than actually just accept my money,” Brian couldn't help but snort when he thought back to that ill-fated career attempt.

“I think he always wanted me to know that he was nothing like some of my other friends. He had seen how they treated me and how they would ask for money more often than not and I think he never wanted to be like them. He never wanted to reduce what we had to the money I had. And believe me, sonny boy, even back then I had more than enough money. I would have given it all to him gladly, but he never wanted it. I don't know, maybe he really was just too proud and wanted to make it on his own, but even when he accepted to take my money in the end, he would only do it after we had gotten a written contract that specified the details of how he would pay me back.”

Brian gently looked down at his baby in his arms and smiled when Luke tried to keep his eyes open, but was obviously losing the fight, his small fists lazily reaching out for Brian's face every once in a while before they dropped back to Luke's side.

 

“Yeah, I know. This is not one of the most exciting stories I've ever told you about your Papa, but... I guess I just want you to know that he's a really good guy. He's got a good, smart head on his shoulders. He's someone you can be proud of to call your father and I know that you will. I am sure that one day you'll meet him and you'll see then what I am talking about,” Brian said quietly, wondering what a possible meeting between Luke and Justin would be like.

 

He was pretty sure that one day somehow Justin would find out that he had a son. Brian just couldn't see any way how he could keep Luke's existence a secret from Justin forever. And he wasn't sure if he even wanted to. If he was honest with himself, he had always known that Justin had a right to know about his son and even more than that he had always known that Justin would be a great father to their child. More than once Brian had regretted that things between them had ended the way they had, but he knew it had been the only way to ensure that Justin could have the career and life he deserved.

Even if Justin wasn't to find out about Luke on his own, Brian knew that one day his son would be old enough to ask him questions about his other father and would probably want to get to know his second biological parent. Early on during his pregnancy Brian had vowed to himself that he would never lie to Luke and would always tell him the truth about his second father and if Luke wanted to get to know Justin, Brian wouldn't stop him. He owed it to both his son as well as Justin. But thinking about what a meeting like that would look like kind of scared Brian.

 

Justin wouldn't be happy, Justin would be angry and pissed and if Brian knew him one bit, he would hate him and would never forgive him. At first that had hurt more than anything and it had nearly broken Brian's resolve to go through with his plan to have Luke on his own without Justin's involvement. In the end however, Brian had accepted that no matter what he did, Justin would hate him anyway. There was no way his pregnancy could have resulted in a happily ever after for him and the love of his life, so he had resigned himself to that and had chosen the path that would mean less pain for his baby.

If Brian had told Justin about his pregnancy and had forced him to a life he wasn't ready for, one day Justin would have left him and Luke because that life would have suffocated and in the end killed him. And then not only Brian's heart would have been broken, but his son's as well and Brian couldn't have that. Knowing that at least this way one day Luke might have the chance of a good relationship with his second father, Brian had settled on not letting Justin know about his son for now.

 

Whenever Justin found out about Luke, he would hopefully have an established career by then and would have the life he had always dreamed of. Brian had no illusions about how Justin would feel about him once he found out, but he hoped that Justin would have found his place in life enough to also allow some extra place for his son.

 

Not that Brian had any doubt about Justin's love for Luke. Whenever Justin would find out that he had a son, Brian was more than sure that Justin would love him with all his heart. Justin didn't have it in his heart to hurt anyone and the least of it his own flesh and blood. Not only because of how badly he had been treated and rejected by his own father and because he had seen what the broken relationship with Jack had done to Brian, no also because it just wasn't Justin. Justin had a big heart and in that heart there would always be a place for his offspring. Brian had no doubt about that.

 

The doorbell stopped Brian from going further in his musings and he shook his head to bring himself back to the here and now. He looked at the peacefully sleeping baby in his arms who only stirred slightly, but didn't wake up at the sound of the doorbell and then laid him down in his crib before heading downstairs to the door.

 

When he opened it, he frowned to see Lindsay stand outside.

 

“Lindsay? What are you doing here?”

They had kind of made up after the whole Child Protective Services story and as Brian had promised her, he had been civil with her the two weekends Gus had been down to stay with him, but more than that, they hadn't really interacted much in the last four weeks since that conversation.

 

“I wanted to talk to you,” the blonde replied cheerfully and didn't wait for Brian to call her inside, but just brushed past him.

 

“I repeat myself: What are you doing here? Why aren't you in Toronto?”

Gus had only been over for a weekend visit three days ago and Lindsay was supposed to be back in Toronto with his son.

 

“Is Gus with you?”

“Gus is home with Mel and JR. I just came down for a day to finish up some business dealings for Mel and I,” she replied smoothly as she sat down on his sofa in his living-room.

 

“Then why are you here? At Britin?” Brian frowned.

 

“Like I said, I wanted to talk to you,” she said, patting the spot next to her on the sofa, urging Brian to sit down with her.

 

“What about? If this is about Gus' visits, the schedule will stay as it is,” Brian said immediately, not even wanting to give her the chance to request that Gus came down for less visits or shorter visits or whatever.

 

“No, this is not about Gus. He's happy coming here and staying with you and Luke. Why would I take that away from him?”

Brian felt relief course through him at the same time as confusion. If this was not about Gus, then what was it about?

“Then talk,” Brian urged as he sat down on the sofa next to the one Lindsay was sitting on.

 

“When have you last spoken to Michael?”

 

Brian had expected a lot of things, but not that.

 

“Excuse me?”

“It's an easy enough question, isn't it?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Brian,” Lindsay said in her haughty voice that Brian also always found to be very patronising. A voice that annoyed the hell out of him. “He's your oldest friend, your best friend.”

“He hasn't been my best friend in almost a year and as for being my oldest friend, things change.”

“Brian...,” Lindsay sighed, before she looked at him intently. “He regrets what he did. He is sorry for what happened and... I am sorry too. I feel bad for what we did and so does he.”

“And why are you telling me that?” Brian wondered why Michael, if he really felt that bad about reporting him to Child Protective Services wasn't apologising to him directly. “I haven't had a single call or message from him ever since that whole shit went down. He can't feel too bad.”

“Brian, you know Michael. You know that he has a hard time accepting when he did something wrong and... he doesn't always know how to apologise,” Lindsay started and Brian could only snort.

 

“So now he's sending you to do it for him?”

“No, he's not. I am merely... trying to get you to be more receptive for him.”

“What the fuck?”

“Brian, he's your oldest and best friend and I know that things haven't been good between you, but... do you really want to lose him? Like this? When you've already lost Justin,” Lindsay pointed out.

 

“Don't pull Justin into this,” Brian gritted out. He felt his anger rise.

 

“Brian, I know that this last year hasn't been easy on you and it hasn't been easy on Michael either. So many things in your life have changed and... we both know that he has a hard time with change. We always knew it. Yes, he made mistakes and yes, he treated you badly, but... do you really want to lose him and his friendship forever? Don't you miss him?”

“Lindsay, Michael and I haven't been on the same page in forever. We haven't been good friends in a long time.”

“But you wanted him to be your best man,” Lindsay pointed out.

“Which was mostly for nostalgic reasons and as we both know, never happened anyway.”

“Brian, I think you should talk to him,” Lindsay urged. “You are both fathers now, surely that is something you can bond over.”

Brian raised an eyebrow at her and frowned. “You do realise that I have been a father to YOUR son for six years now.”

“But Brian, you never really were a father to him. You were merely dropping in every now and then and continued living your life in the way you always wanted. Only when you became pregnant did you become a real father to him.”

Brian listened to her words and as much as they hurt, he knew that she was right. With Gus he had mostly only dropped in every once in a while when it had fit his schedule and hadn't really been a full-time father. Hell, he had even signed away his rights to his sonny boy. He couldn't really argue Lindsay's point there.

 

“Not that I am blaming you and Gus always loved you and loves you even more now. And he adores Luke, but... don't you think that maybe now you and Michael have more in common than a year ago?”

“What is it that you really want, Lindsay? Get to the point.”

“I want you to talk to Michael and see what you can salvage of your friendship. It pains me to see you lose not only Justin, but Michael as well. And... there is still a chance to salvage that friendship between you two. You can still save it.”

“How?” Brian asked in a small voice and hated himself for his voice betraying him. Because Lindsay was right, it hurt to have lost both Justin and Michael at the same time and Brian often felt lonely without the two most important people of his life around. Yes, Luke took up a huge part of his time now and Deb and Jennifer and Ted had really stepped up and become important people in his and his son's life, but it just wasn't the same as having your life-long best friend around. He did miss Michael, even if they might not have had that much in common at the end of their friendship. Just the knowledge of their 20-year friendship going down the drain made Brian incredibly sad. Could he really forget about a 20-year friendship without fighting for it? Because they had different views on life? Lindsay was right, he had changed and Michael had never been good with change, maybe he really needed to give Michael more time to accept all the things in his life that had changed in the last year.

 

Did he really want to throw away whatever might still be between them just because he didn't want to give Michael the time he needed to accept the things that had changed?

 

“Meet with him. Talk to him. Quietly, without yelling. Just explain to him what has changed and try to make him understand.”

“I am not even sure if he would want to see me. Not after what I said to him,” Brian sighed.

 

“He wants to. I've talked to him and asked him and Brian, he wants to save whatever can be saved of your friendship.”

“Are you sure?” Once again Brian cursed the insecurity in his voice.

 

“If you want to, he's waiting for you at the diner at 3pm,” Lindsay said seriously, looking at Brian.

 

“I... I can't. Luke is taking his afternoon nap and... I can't just wake him up.”

 

“Brian, I can watch him,” Lindsay offered and Brian eyed her curiously.

 

“I don't think that's a good idea,” he muttered, thinking back to the time he had found Lindsay holding his son and telling him what a great mother she would be to him.

 

“Brian... I know what you think, but really? I am a mother, I know how to take care of a baby and it would only be watching him for an hour or two, right? And, I don't think it would be a good idea to bring Luke along to your talk with Michael. Don't you think it will be easier on Michael if it's just the two of you? Brian and Mikey, the way you've always been?

 

I just want you to give your friendship with Michael another try. Just think about Gus and JR. What will Christmas be like for them if you and Michael don't talk to each other? Or other family celebrations. Do you want them to always have to live with the tension between you and Michael?” Lindsay batted her eyes for good measure and the mention of Gus and JR got Brian to think.

 

He didn't want his son and his sister to grow up in a family filled with tension. And there would be tension if he didn't try to salvage his friendship with Michael. Wasn't it his duty to try everything he could to make sure that his son and JR could grow up happily? Even if it involved trying to patch up things with Michael?

 

“No, I don't want that,” Brian said quietly, his voice deathly serious. And maybe she was right, maybe meeting without Luke would be easier on Michael. Michael had always wanted it to be just the two of them without anyone around. Maybe talking without Luke present would be the key to get through to him.

 

“Then go and talk to him. I'll watch Luke for a couple of hours and I promise, I'll be gone on the evening flight out back home.”

In the end Brian couldn't find any argument against what Lindsay had proposed and gave her instructions of how to take care of Luke while he was gone, promising her that he would be back in time for her to make it to the airport for her flight to Toronto.

 

He left a quick kiss on his sleeping son's forehead, promising him to be back quickly and then made his way into Pittsburgh to the diner to meet with Michael.

 

 

Chapter 18

 

45 minutes after leaving Britin, Brian walked into the diner. One quick glance through the half-empty diner immediately showed Michael sitting in one of the booths at the back. Brian slowly went over to him and sat down across from Michael who was looking at him from big, slightly surprised eyes.

 

“Michael,” Brian greeted curtly.

“Brian? You really came?”

“Obviously, or I wouldn't be here, would I?”

 

“How are you? It has been like forever since I've last seen you,” Michael started and Brian could only think to himself that there was only one person to blame for that and that one person was Michael. Not that Brian said so. Saying so would only have started another argument and sometimes it was just better to swallow your own words for the sake of making up.

 

“Good. Busy, but well, that was to be expected, I guess.” Brian's voice wasn't overly friendly, but it wasn't as cold as it had been during previous meetings either. He knew that he needed to make an effort if he wanted to save some of their friendship. If only for the children's sake.

 

“So Kinnetik is doing well? And Babylon as well?”

“Yeah, I can't complain. Though I don't really have much to do with either. Cynthia and Ted are mostly taking care of the every day runnings of my businesses.”

“But, you said you were busy,” Michael pointed out with a confused look on his face.

 

“Well, raising a newborn is a 24/7 job, that's keeping me busy nowadays.”

 

“I can't believe that you really kept the baby,” Michael muttered darkly, looking at Brian from uncomprehending eyes.

 

“The baby is called Luke and is my son, of course I kept him.” Brian felt anger rise inside of him once more and was about ready to wring Michael's neck for that comment alone, but then thought better of it when Kiki arrived at their table and asked for their orders.

 

“But you were never father material. You never wanted a child. This baby is destroying your whole life. What about your reputation?”

“What about it?” Brian asked angrily.

 

“You are the stud of Liberty Avenue. You have a reputation to uphold. The ultimate top and all and now you had a baby...”

 

Brian wondered for a second if Michael was for real or not. As much as he tried to reign in his emotions, his anger slowly took over and he couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't wring that whiny neck in front of him.

 

“Look, I think there was a misunderstanding here. I came here because Lindsay said we should talk and we should try to save our friendship. If only for Gus and JR's sake. If you only want to go on spouting the same shit you've been spouting for a year now, this conversation is over. I was willing to give you a second chance here, but if you only want to talk shit about things you don't know anything about, be my guest. I won't listen to that.”

 

As Brian slid out of the booth and went over to the counter to tell Kiki to make his order to go, Michael followed him.

 

“Brian, Lindsay and I are only looking out for you. We're your friends and we only want what's best for you.”

“Reporting me to Child Protective Services was good for me how?” Brian glared at the man next to him, begging him to give him a reason to lash out.

 

“If they had taken the baby away like we had planned, you would have been able to go back to the life you always wanted. You could have gone back to Liberty Avenue and could have gone back to reclaim your throne as the undisputed king of Liberty Avenue. You could have shown that pretentious shit Brandon who's the real king around here.”

Brian's eyes had widened, not really able to believe what his supposed best friend was saying. “Let me get this straight, you and Lindsay wanted my child taken away from me so I could go back to drinking, fucking and sucking?”

When Michael nodded eagerly, Brian felt something inside him snap.

 

“Yes, that is your life. You are Peter Pan, you never grow up. You drink, suck and fuck your way into an early grave. It's what you always wanted.”

“What happened to: 'You have to grow up, Brian? You can't be an over the hill club boy all your life?'” Brian mimicked Michael's whiny voice and did a surprisingly good impersonation of the smaller man. “You were the one who told me for months that I had to grow up, that Justin deserved more than what he was getting from me, that I was an embarrassment to gays everywhere. Shouldn't you of all people be glad that I grew up and settled down?”

“Brian,” Michael started in a voice that reminded Brian so much of Lindsay's haughty voice that he couldn't help but wonder if Lindsay had given Michael speaking points that he could use in his conversation with Brian. Which didn't make a lot of sense to Brian, seeing how she was the one who had urged him to go see Michael, but still. “Justin isn't here anymore. You made sure of that, so there was really no reason for you to change for him, was there? With Justin out of the picture you could go back to your true self. The you you always wanted to be.”

“The me I wanted to be,” Brian snorted. “Funny, shouldn't I know the person I want to be? How come that you think you know better than me what kind of person I want to be?”

“I am your best friend, Brian and have been for 20 years. I know you better than you know yourself,” Michael proudly announced and Brian felt like he couldn't bear more of the shit he was hearing.

 

“The only person who knew me better than I know myself was Justin. Justin! Not you, not Lindsay. You both have no idea of who I really am and who I want to be. You want me to be someone that was only an image, but never the real me. Actually, I am wondering if you guys ever knew the real me.”

 

When Kiki came and gave Brian his order, he paid her, gave her a generous tip and then made to leave the diner. Before he left however, he gave one parting shot to his former best friend.

“This was a mistake, Michael. You don't know me at all and you don't seem interested in getting to know me as long as I don't fit your idea of what I should be. Obviously we're not on the same page here and this was one big waste of time. Have a good life!”

 

With that Brian was out of the diner and headed for his car.

 

“Wait, Brian!” Michael yelled after him and followed him. “Wait!”

“There is nothing more to say, Michael,” Brian muttered as he got into the car and closed the door. While he was fastening his seat belt, he could have sworn he heard Michael yell “You're not supposed to leave yet”, but not being able to make sense of that statement, he told himself that he had to have misheard. What was that supposed to mean anyway? Why was he not supposed to leave? Shaking his head, Brian muttered angrily about the waste of time his trip to Pittsburgh had been and got back on his way to Britin.

 

***

 

 

Pulling into the drive of Britin, Brian frowned when he saw Lindsay with Luke in her arms, heading for her rental.

 

As he pulled up to her side, he saw her hurriedly putting the baby in a car seat and for a second frowned why she would have a car seat for babies in her rental. Then he noticed the bags next to Luke's car seat and frowned even more. He suddenly got a very bad feeling about this whole day.

 

“Lindsay, what are you doing?” Brian asked as he got out of the car and walked over to her rental.

 

“What we should have done from the beginning,” she muttered and got into the car. Brian only just about managed to pull the door open before she was able to start the car.

 

“What the fuck? Get out of the car, now!” Brian yelled at her, for a second feeling bad when his yelling made Luke start to cry. But then he saw the smug expression on Lindsay's face and the bad feeling in his stomach only got worse. “Let me get Luke out of the car.”

 

“I am taking him home, Brian,” Lindsay said calmly, once more trying to close the door of the vehicle.

 

“He is home, Linds. What the fuck? Get out of the car and let me take my son!” Brian was yelling even louder now, feeling a fear take hold of him that he had only felt once before. When he had seen Chris Hobbs walk towards Justin with a baseball bat. Just as he had known then that he was about to lose the most important person in his life, he couldn't help but get the same bad feeling again. Lindsay had to have lost her mind.

 

“He is coming home with me, Brian. To his family. To Gus and me, where he belongs. He will grow up in a loving, nurturing family with his brother, just as he deserves.”

“He will not leave this house, Lindsay! He will stay here!”

 

“You can't give him what he needs Brian, we can. This will be the best for him,” Lindsay said haughtily and surprised Brian when she angrily slammed the door shut and started the car, not giving Brian a chance to open the door once more. He could still hear the cries of his baby and they tore at his heartstrings as he watched her car pull away quickly.

 

Acting on instinct, Brian ran back to his car and followed her. What the fuck was wrong with her? Where was she getting off taking away his son? He felt anger take over, replacing the fear he had felt before and screamed at his steering wheel several times, letting out that anger. When he followed her onto the interstate, he wondered where she wanted to go. After ten minutes he got a feeling that she was heading in the direction of the airport. Not quite sure what to do, Brian picked up his cell phone and dialled Ted's number. When Ted didn't pick up immediately, Brian started to curse and yell at the phone by his side.

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

 

“It's always a pleasure to talk to you as well, Brian,” Ted chuckled when he finally picked up, not knowing what was going on and thinking that Brian might have butt-dialed him by accident.

 

“Cut the crap, Schmidt. Find out if Carl is working or at home.”

“Carl? Why would you need to know...,” but Ted never got any further when he heard Brian's frustrated scream.

 

“Now, Schmidt! Fucking now!”

 

“Brian, is everything okay?” Ted had picked up on the anger in Brian's voice, but he felt like he was hearing something else as well. Something that sounded as if Brian was scared.

 

“Lindsay took Luke. I think she's heading for the airport. I need to speak to Carl, NOW!”

As Brian explained what was going on, he finally felt the whole power of what was happening hit him and felt tears sting his eyes.

 

“She what?” Ted asked in obvious disbelief.

 

“Ted, I don't have time. She's heading for the airport. Find me Carl and get him on the line, please!” By now Brian's voice had lost a lot of its anger and was almost pleading. “Please, Ted!”

“Alright. On it, boss.”

Ted hung up and shook his head, not quite able to wrap his head around what Brian was telling him. That couldn't be true. Surely there had to be a misunderstanding.

 

He called Deb's house and was relieved when Carl picked up and not Debbie. He didn't look forward to explaining to Debbie what was going on.

 

“Yes?”

“Carl? It's me, Ted. Brian just called me and...,” Ted took a deep breath, not quite sure how to go on explaining what he couldn't wrap his head around. “And... apparently Lindsay tried to kidnap Luke.”

“She what?”

“I don't have all the details, but Brian called me a minute ago, he was totally frantic and he said Lindsay was heading for the airport with Luke and he needed to know if you were working or not. He needed to speak with you.”

 

“Where is he now?”

“He is following her in his own car as far as I can tell. I didn't really get a chance to talk to him for long, but... he was totally frantic and beyond angry, Carl. I... I am not sure what he's going to do to her if this is true,” Ted said almost fearfully.

 

“Is there any way to reach him?”

“He has his cell with him. He'll be waiting for your call.”

“Okay, I'll call him right away. Lets hope this is all just a misunderstanding.”

“That's what I am hoping as well, but... Carl, Brian didn't sound like it was a misunderstanding...”

 

“Ted, do you have access to Brian's personal files?”

“Some of them, yes. Why?” Ted frowned when Carl's voice turned all business-like.

 

“Do you have Luke's birth certificate? Or the hospital bill of when Brian gave birth to him.”

“I can get those, yes. Why?”

“Get them and head for the airport. Give me a call when you get there.”

“What? Carl, why?”

“If Lindsay is really doing what Brian says she's doing, the shit is about to hit the fan, Ted and Brian will need everything he has to prove that Luke is his child.”

“But... we all know he is.”

“We do, but the authorities don't. Get the papers and let me know when you get to the airport,” Carl muttered darkly as he hung up and then headed to his own car. For the first time that day he was glad that Debbie had agreed to work the dinner shift at the diner on short notice because one of the other waiters had called in sick. He had no idea how to explain to her what was going on, he wasn't even quite sure he understood himself.

 

Carl dialled Brian's cell as he started the car and wasn't surprised when a harried sounding Brian picked up on the first ring.

 

“Where are you now, Brian?”

“About three exits from the airport. I think she's heading for the airport.”

 

“What happened exactly. I need all the details.”

Brian gave Carl a short summary of the events of the day and ended with his description of how Lindsay had taken off with his baby.

 

“Brian, most of all you need to stay calm,” Carl urged the man, knowing that with how hotheaded Brian was that was almost an impossible wish.

 

“She took my son. How do you expect me to be calm?” Brian only snapped at the officer which didn't surprise Carl one bit.

 

“Son, whatever happens, stay calm. Don't provoke her. We don't know what her intentions are and we don't want to pressure her into doing something stupid.”

“More stupid than kidnapping my son?” Brian snarked and then hit the steering wheel in frustration.

 

“Brian, stay calm. Where are you?”

“She is heading towards the main Terminal Building. She is stopping the car and she is getting out,” Brian informed the police officer as he pulled up behind her.

 

“Brian, don't pressure her,” Carl urged and started cursing when he heard the call being ended by Brian. “Fuck!”

 

He hit the gas on his car and sped along the interstate in the direction of the airport, hoping against hope that he would arrive in time to prevent a disaster.

 

 

***

 

 

“Where the fuck do you think you're going with my son?” Brian yelled at Lindsay as he followed her into the terminal building. Lindsay didn't turn around to even look at him or acknowledge his presence in any way and headed straight for Departures.

 

Brian caught up with her and grabbed her by the arm, turning her around angrily. “Give me my son!”

“Let go of me, Brian. I am only doing what's best for everyone involved. You never wanted to be a father and now you don't have to be. I am just making sure that Luke can have the best life possible and that you can go back to your old life.”

 

“You're crazy, you have lost your goddamn mind.” Brian yelled at her, grabbing for the baby in her arms that was by now crying hysterically. “Hand him over, Linds!”

“I will do no such thing. Let go of me, Brian!” Lindsay yelled back and somehow managed to pull herself free of Brian's grasp. She continued heading towards Departures with Brian hot on her heels the whole time yelling at her to hand over his son.

 

They caused quite the commotion and got a lot of attention from onlookers and when Lindsay reached the first TSA checkpoint, the TSA agent already eyed her warily.

 

“What is going on here?” He eyed her and the baby in her arms and then threw a dirty look at the yelling man behind her.

 

“My husband and I are having an argument and he is harrassing me and my son. He won't allow us to leave,” Lindsay lied with tears in her eyes and the TSA agent immediately threw Brian a dirty look.

 

“You lying bitch,” Brian yelled, once more grabbing for her arm.

“Sir, please let get of the woman. I must ask you to step away from the woman and the child.”

“She is kidnapping my baby. She is not my wife and she is not the baby's mother. She is kidnapping my child.”

 

“He is lying. Here, I have our papers.” Lindsay rummaged in her bag and then handed the TSA agent two passports.

 

The agent looked at both passports and then handed them back to Lindsay with a nod.

 

“Thank you, Mrs. Peterson.” He then turned to Brian with an angry glare. “And you are?”

“Brian Kinney, I am the child's father.”

“Luke Peterson-Kinney?” The agent asked, nodding at the baby in Lindsay's arm.

 

“What? No!” Brian's eyes were about to pop out. “His name is Luke Victor Kinney-Taylor.”

 

“That's not what his passport says,” the agent pointed out.

 

“That passport is not real. It's not his. My son doesn't have a passport yet. He is only six months old and hasn't flown yet,” Brian explained to the agent, trying to stay as calm as he could which wasn't really calm at all under the circumstances.

 

“He is lying. He is lying because he doesn't want us to leave. He has been a violent husband and he has been abusive to me and the baby,” Lindsay said tearfully, hugging the baby closer as she sniffed for good measure.

 

“You lying bitch! She is not my wife. I am gay! For god's sake, I had him six months ago. My fiance got me pregnant. She is no relation to this child and she is taking him away against my will,” Brian explained to the agent, his panic once more taking over. What if the agent didn't believe him but believed Lindsay.

 

The agent looked from Lindsay to Brian and back and it was clear that he wasn't quite sure what to do. In the end he called for airport security and waited for them to assist him. Airport security showed up only a few seconds later and Brian felt relief flood over him. At least Lindsay wouldn't be getting away with Luke. At least he would get a chance to prove that he was Luke's father.

 

The TSA agent quickly explained the situation to the two officers and they led Brian and Lindsay away. Lindsay was fuming, complaining that the authorities were not protecting her from her violent husband, but Brian was thanking them profusely for having stopped her from getting away.

 

They were both led to a quiet part of the airport with many offices and were put in separate offices. Brian nearly had another meltdown when Luke stayed with Lindsay and wasn't handed to him.

 

“He's my son! For fuck's sake. She kidnapped my son. Just let me calm him down,” Brian begged the officers when he could still hear Luke cry hysterically through the door of the office they had put him in.

“The baby will stay with his mother for now,” one of the officers explained to Brian and then sat down opposite him, starting to ask him for his personal details.

“She is not his mother! She has no fucking relation to him. He is my baby with my fiance and she is kidnapping him. Please, officer. Just let me calm him down, please,” Brian begged once more, but the officer pretty much ignored him and went on collecting his personal details. The whole time Brian could hear his son cry bitterly and his heart broke with every high-pitched cry.

 

After what felt like an eternity, the door was opened and another officer asked the officer in the room with Brian to come outside for a second. Brian saw the officer leave and could hear them talk quietly outside the door. Unfortunately, he couldn't make out the words they were speaking.

 

A minute later the officer returned to the room he was in and looked at Brian seriously. “An officer Horvath from Pittsburgh PD just arrived and he corroborated your version of the story.”

Brian felt relief wash through him and felt a long sigh escape him. “Thank fuck!” Brian had never felt so relieved and glad to know that Carl was in the same place as he was.

 

“Mr Kinney, can you give us your version of the events please?” The officer asked, suddenly a lot nicer than before.

 

“Can I see my son, please? Just to make sure that he is alright, please?” Brian pleaded with the officer and his relief evaporated when the officer shook his head.

 

“Unfortunately, not yet, Mr Kinney. We first need to figure out what's going on here.”

“Please, just let me calm him down. He must be so scared and confused. Please!” Brian had never been one for begging, but now he didn't care. He just wanted to see Luke and wanted to make sure that he was alright.

 

“Mr Kinney, I can't let you see the baby. Not now.”

 

Brian angrily stood up from his chair and headed for the door. “The fuck! That's my baby you're talking about!” Brian pulled the door open and headed towards where he could still hear his son cry, even if he seemed to have calmed down some.

 

“Mr Kinney! Stay where you are,” the officer yelled after Brian, causing quite the commotion. Suddenly several officers appeared in Brian's way and made it impossible to get towards his son.

 

“Let me see my son, for fucks sake!” Brian yelled, ready to hit every single one of them.

 

“Brian, calm down!” A voice suddenly broke through to Brian and Brian frowned when he recognised Carl's voice. Brian frantically looked around and finally his eyes settled on Debbie's boyfriend.

 

“Carl,” Brian breathed, feeling all fight leave him at seeing Carl.

 

“Brian, you need to work with the officers. You need to calm down and let them do their jobs.”

“I just want to see Luke, please, Carl!”

“I know you do, son,” Carl said quietly, squeezing Brian's shoulder in support. “For now you can't. He's taken care of and he's alright, but you can't see him until all of this is resolved.”

“What? What the fuck?” Brian was ready to fight once more, but Carl held his head between his hands and looked at Brian intently.

 

“Brian, this is normal procedure. Right now it's your word against Lindsay's. Neither of you can see Luke for the moment until it's proven without a doubt that you are his father and she kidnapped him.”

“Carl, you know I am his father.”

“Yes, I do. But my word doesn't count much here, Brian. This will be an FBI investigation within the hour.”

“FBI?” Brian frowned, looking at Carl from big eyes.

 

“Kidnapping a minor and taking him across state borders is a federal crime. The FBI will be here within the hour. There is nothing I can do.”

“Carl, I just need to make sure that he's okay, please!”

“I'll take care of him. Don't you worry. You just work with the officers and stay calm, Brian. That's the best you can do for Luke right now. Give them what they want and need, you hear me, son?”

Knowing that Carl was probably right and knew best what to do in a situation like this, Brian finally nodded, if reluctantly, clearly not happy that he couldn't see his son.

 

“He will be alright, Brian. I promise!”

 

Brian nodded once more and then followed the officer back into the office where he had previously been.

 

He gave the officer his version of the story and was relieved when he was informed that the CFO of his company had arrived with his son's birth certificate and the hospital bill of Brian giving birth. Thinking that clearly that had to be enough to prove that he was Luke's father, Brian hoped that he could see his son soon.

 

When two hours later he was still sitting inside that office without having seen Luke, Brian was once more ready to go crazy.

“Brian, how are you holding up, son?” Carl asked quietly when he entered the office and handed Brian a cup of coffee.

 

“What is taking so long? They have all the paperwork, right? When can I see Luke?”

“Unfortunately, it's still your word against Lindsay's and she claimed that your paperwork is forged.”

“What?” Brian exclaimed incredulously.

“She stands by her story that Luke is her son and that you are a violent husband.”

“That fucking bitch! I am going to kill her!”

“Brian, you need to stay calm.”

“She tried to kidnap my baby. How do you expect me to stay calm?”

“I know, son, but... the calmer you stay, the more the FBI will trust you.”

Brian ran his hand through his hair, feeling beyond exhausted and frustrated. “What is happening next?”

“They will probably have to take a DNA test to prove once and for all who Luke's parent is, if Lindsay doesn't back from her story.”

“DNA test?”

“Just a quick swab of saliva should do it.”

“How long is that going to take?”

 

“Three to five days,” Carl said quietly, readying himself for the explosion that was sure to come.

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“Brian, stay calm.”

“And the whole time I am not allowed to see Luke? No, Carl. No!”

“Brian... Luke will be taken into state custody and he'll be taken care of.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“He'll probably be given to a foster family for the duration of the investigation.”

“No, no, no... No, I won't allow someone else to take him. No, Carl! He's my son!”

 

“Brian, stay calm. We're working on it. Trust us, okay?”

“I... I don't want him to have to stay in a foster family that doesn't even know him. Please, Carl. NO!” Brian sank down in the chair and buried his head in his hands, sobs wracking his body as he thought about his precious, innocent baby in a foster home.

 

“Brian, look at me. Look at me, Brian,” Carl demanded and in the end forced Brian to look at him when Brian didn't do so himself.

 

“Ted and Blake are working on taking him home. You know they'll take good care of him.”

“Ted and Blake?” Brian asked through his tears, looking at Carl in confusion.

 

“Blake is a registered foster parent. Due to his work at the rehab center he got himself registered in case there were underage patients that needed his help. He's got a foster license and right now Ted and him are doing their damnest to get them to hand Luke into their custody.”

“Please, Carl. You need to help them. Please!”

“I will, Brian. You just stay strong and hold on, okay?” Carl squeezed Brian's shoulder once more and then left the broken man to himself so he could help Ted and Blake get custody of Luke for the time Brian was still detained at the airport.

 

Brian waited for another two hours before an FBI agent came to take his DNA sample for the DNA test to prove that he was Luke's father. Apparently his birth certificate and the bill of Brian's hospital stay weren't enough under the circumstances of Lindsay sticking by her story that Luke was her son and the documents were forgeries. Brian was ready to kill her really slowly and painfully by the time Carl entered the room where he was waiting once more shortly after the FBI agent had left.

 

“Ted and Blake took Luke home to Britin and will stay with him for the time being,” Carl said and was immediately engulfed by a heap of crying Brian.

“Thank you!”

 

“Don't thank me, Brian. Ted got your lawyer on the line and he threatened them with a lawsuit so big and scary they immediately scurried and handed over custody to Ted and Blake.”

 

Brian couldn't help but chuckle through his tears and wondered when Ted had become such a shark. Ted had really become too much like him that was for sure, but Brian had never before been as grateful for that as he was now. At least Luke was back home and would be able to sleep in his familiar surroundings.

 

“What happens next?” Brian asked quietly as he wiped away his tears, cursing himself for having lost it like that.

 

“They will most likely let you go within the hour if you adhere to their demands.”

“What demands?”

“You can't leave the state, you need to stay at Britin and you need to be available for further questioning.”

“Okay, I can do that. And then I can go home?”

 

Carl nodded, but Brian had the feeling that there was more the cop wasn't telling him.

“Carl?”

“Not now, Brian.”

“There's something else, isn't there? Tell me!” Brian urged when he saw the uncomfortable look on the older man's face.

 

“A witness showed up corroborating Lindsay's story that she is Luke's mother.”

“WHAT?”

 

Carl only nodded and then shifted uncomfortably. “Brian, you won't like this.”

“Whoever it is, is obviously lying!” Brian exclaimed, slamming his fist onto the desk in front of him in pure anger and frustration.

 

“I know, but... Brian... it's Michael,” Carl sighed deeply.

 

“Michael?”

 

When Carl only nodded in silence, Brian jumped up from his chair.

“That fucking bastard! I am going to kill him and Lindsay. That fucking, whiny little bastard. How could he? How could he fucking do this?”

“I don't know, Brian. I really don't... I... I didn't get to talk to him when he showed up earlier, he refused to speak to me, but... his statement completely supports Lindsay's story. He is the reason for the DNA test. Otherwise the paperwork would have probably been enough, but with a witness on her side, they needed to investigate further.”

“Jesus Christ!” Brian yelled, now slamming his fist into the wall. When he calmed down a few minutes later, he turned to Carl and asked in a voice hardly above a whisper. “Does Debbie know?”

“Not yet. She thinks I've been called in by the PD and am working on an emergency. She's still at the diner.”

 

“That fucking good for nothing bastard!”

 

“Brian, I get that you're angry, but...”

“Angry doesn't even begin to cover it, Carl. If I get him between my fingers, he'll regret the day he was born.”

“Brian, they will let you go within the hour and you need to promise me that you won't go after Michael. I need your word!”

 

When Brian didn't say anything, Carl walked over to him and looked at him imploringly. “Brian, I have heard you make threats against Michael and Lindsay. I am a police officer and I need to call them in. If I do, they won't let you go and you won't get to see Luke before the DNA test results come in in three to five days. I need you to promise me that you won't go after him or you won't get to see Luke. Do you understand?”

 

Brian looked at Carl for the longest time, but in the end nodded. “Fine,” he muttered angrily.

 

“Good,” Carl nodded and then sat down in another chair and together they waited until the FBI agent came back 45 minutes later and handed Brian some paperwork to sign which had him promise that he would be available for further FBI questioning and wouldn't leave the state as long as the DNA test results were still pending.

 

Once all that was done, Brian was free to go and Carl led him out of the airport to the car park where their cars were parked. “Will you be okay to go home on your own or do you want me to give you a ride?”

 

“I'll be fine,” Brian muttered, opening the door to his vehicle.

 

“Brian, are you sure?”

“I just want to go home and hold Luke and make sure that he's alright,” Brian said quietly.

 

“I'll let Debbie know what happened and if I know her, she'll be at your doorstep before dawn,” Carl chuckled, looking at Brian from still worried eyes. He could only imagine how the man had to feel after being betrayed by two of his closest friends like that.

 

“Great,” Brian muttered sarcastically.

 

“She cares for you a lot, Brian. She will be beyond herself with worry once she hears what happened.”

 

Brian only nodded and then started his car. “Thanks for everything, Carl. I really appreciate it.”

“Don't mention it, son. You be careful and take care of Luke, you hear me?”

 

Brian nodded once more and Carl watched him drive off, hoping against hope that Brian would keep his word and wouldn't go after Michael. Between Debbie and Brian Carl almost started to feel sorry for Michael, knowing that he had brought people against him that he shouldn't have.

 

Shaking his head in disbelief at the day's events, he followed Brian out of the airport car park a minute later and hoped that Debbie hadn't heard what had happened from anyone else yet.

 

 

Chapter 19

 

By the time Brian pulled into the drive of Britin it was already past 1am. He couldn't believe what this day had turned into. What a complete and utter mess. On the drive home he had tried to calm down as much as was possible, which probably wasn't enough. The only thing that actually got him to even calm down the bit he had was the thought of Luke waiting for him. He couldn't wait to see his son again and hold him in his arms and make sure that he was alright. And he knew for that he needed to be calm. If he was upset he would only upset Luke as well and the poor baby had already been upset enough that day. Brian didn't want to contribute to that any more.

 

Officially he was not supposed to take care of Luke as temporary custody had been given to Blake and Ted, but thankfully those two had proven to be real friends and had insisted to take Luke home to Britin where he had his nursery and his familiar surroundings. Brian wasn't sure how they had gotten the authorities to agree to that and he didn't really care either. Ted had probably pressured them into doing what he wanted by threatening them with another big lawsuit. Sometimes it really helped to own a big, successful company and to be one of the richest men in the city, if not the whole state.

 

As soon as Brian stopped the car he saw the front door open and saw a relieved Ted standing in the doorway who had at first frowned at the car and had then broken out into a relieved smile when he had recognised Brian and his car.

 

“Brian, thank God!” Ted exclaimed as he made his way over to the car and engulfed Brian in a tight hug the moment he had gotten out of the car.

 

“You're breaking my ribs, Schmidt,” Brian grumbled, but that was all good-naturedly as really he was hugging Ted back just as tightly. He was so relieved to be home again and to know that his son was with him in his house and not in Canada or wherever Lindsay had planned on taking him.

 

“Sorry, boss. Just so happy that you're finally back,” Ted mumbled before he let go of Brian and led him into the house where Blake greeted them quietly in the foyer.

 

“Brian, I am glad you're back,” the young man said earnestly and Brian nodded at him in thanks.

 

“I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't had that foster licence. Thank you so much,” Brian said gratefully and both men could see that his thanks were heartfelt.

 

“Both of you! I... I don't know what I would have done without you today,” he continued quietly and was only interrupted by quiet breathing noises on the baby monitor that Blake was holding in his hands. Brian's hands immediately made a grab for the baby monitor and without another word Brian headed up the stairs to Luke's nursery. He found his son peacefully asleep in his crib, only the dried tears telling of all the turmoil the little baby had been through that day.

 

“Hey sonny boy. Daddy is back,” Brian whispered, not wanting to wake up the baby. He gently ran his hand across Luke's head and cheeks and then took one of his small fists in his own hand. “I am so sorry for today. You have no idea. I am so sorry you got scared, sonny boy, but... I was scared too,” Brian whispered as he sank down to his knees next to the crib and looked at his small son as his own tears ran down his cheeks. “So scared,” Brian whispered over and over again, grabbing on to Luke's tiny fist as sobs wracked him, the whole time being watched by Blake and Ted who were standing in the doorway, hugging each other.

 

They could only imagine the pain Brian had gone through that day. The counsellor in Blake finally won over and made him talk. He had always been of the firm belief that talking about bad things helped work through them and move past them and even though he knew that Brian wasn't much the talking kind, he also believed that talking would help Brian.

“He cried himself to sleep about an hour and half ago. Poor guy was so exhausted, he fell asleep while crying.”

 

The young man slowly disentangled himself from his partner's side and walked over to the crib, kneeling next to Brian.

 

“It was as if he felt that you weren't there,” he said quietly, as he looked into the crib at the baby. “He missed you, Brian.”

 

“I was so scared,” Brian hiccupped through his sobs, not looking at Blake or Ted and not caring what they might think about him, crying like that. He finally felt all the stress of the day fall from him and that was all that mattered to him. Being a counsellor Blake had probably seen worse anyway and Ted had been an addict once, so had probably had worse breakdowns than Brian was having right then. “I was so fucking scared...”

“I can only imagine, Brian. It's over now. You're both back home and everything will be over once the results from the DNA test come back. We all know that you're his father and that Lindsay is lying.”

 

“And Michael,” Brian said after a long pause in which he just looked at his son and hoped that come tomorrow he wouldn't remember anything of the bad things that had happened today.

 

“Michael?” He could hear Ted's confused voice from the doorway and only nodded in response to the older man's question. “What does he have to do with this?”

“He showed up at the airport and corroborated Lindsay's story, saying that she is his mother. Carl told me earlier.”

“He what???” Ted exclaimed, then slapped his hands over his mouth, not wanting to wake up Luke. Poor guy had been exhausted enough as it was. “He did what?” Ted asked again, this time more quietly.

 

Deciding that maybe they should move the conversation out of Luke's nursery, Brian reluctantly got up from his place next to the crib and placed a gentle kiss on his son's nose, running his hand over his soft head once more before he left the room followed by Ted and Blake.

 

“Why would he do that?” Blake asked when they made their way to the living-room. Brian got himself a glass of whiskey and at times he wished that he still drank. He definitely felt like drinking now and he had a feeling that it would be the same for Ted. They shared a look between them and he knew that he was right. But both knew better than to give in to the temptation. Instead Ted settled on the sofa and Blake moved next to him, allowing the older man to hold his hand in a tight grip as Brian sat down on the sofa across from them.

 

“I have no fucking idea, but once I get an answer out of him, he will wish that he had never been born,” Brian gritted out, his knuckles turning white with how tightly he was holding on to the glass in his hands.

 

“I... I can't believe it,” Ted muttered, shaking his head.

 

“Yep, my two best friends have betrayed me. Who needs enemies with friends like that, right?” Brian snarked before he emptied half the glass of whiskey in one go.

 

“He loves you, Brian. That makes no sense. Why would he hurt you like this?” Ted mused.

 

“He doesn't love me. He loves the image I used to have. He doesn't even know me and he made it awfully clear earlier that he has no interest in getting to know me. All he cares about is the stud of Liberty Avenue and my fucking reputation as Stud deluxe.” With that Brian emptied the rest of his glass and then put it down on the table in front of him.

 

“Earlier?” Blake frowned, having been under the impression that Brian and Michael hadn't spoken to each other in weeks, if not months even. As far as he knew Brian hadn't spoken to Michael ever since Child Protective Services had shown up at Britin and Carl had found out that Michael and Lindsay had been behind that move.

 

“We met earlier today... yesterday... fuck... earlier,” Brian muttered angrily when he looked at the time on his watch and then got confused by the days.

 

“Why?” Ted asked, feeling as confused as Blake looked.

 

“Lindsay came here and she gave me this whole spiel about how Michael and I should make up and how I should give him another chance, how we were fathers to Gus and JR and how she didn't want there to be any tension between us for the kids to notice, bla bla bla. In the end she sent me to the diner to meet with Michael, so we could try to patch up things while she watched Luke and probably set her plan in motion.”

“You met with Michael because Lindsay told you to?” Ted frowned and it was obvious that he was thinking about something.

 

“She probably wanted to get me out of the house, I guess.”

“And Michael was in on that?” Ted frowned even more as he creased his forehead, deep in thoughts.

 

“I don't know... I... I don't want to think so,” Brian started, but then frowned when he remembered something that he hadn't paid much attention to earlier that day. But now, in light of everything that had happened in the last few hours, it suddenly made sense. His face darkened and both Ted and Blake could easily see how Brian got more and more furious by the second.

 

“Brian?” Blake asked carefully, not wanting to startle the obviously very angry man.

 

“He... he said something when I left. I left and told him that the meeting had been a waste of time and when I got into my car he said to me that I was not supposed to leave yet. At the time I didn't think about it, but... what if he knew what Lindsay was doing? What if he was in on it and was supposed to distract me? If we had talked any longer, I would have been too late to see Lindsay and Luke and they would already have been gone God knows where...”

 

“It is an awfully big coincidence that he would meet with you today of all days on Lindsay's urging and then would show up at the airport later to corroborate her story,” Blake agreed, not liking where this was pointing.

 

“I... I don't think he would do that,” Ted said carefully. “He might be a whiny little bastard, but we're talking a major crime here,” Ted argued. “He wouldn't go that far, would he?”

 

“Lindsay can be very persuasive. She got me to agree to a meeting with him,” Brian only said before he got up and headed for the front door.

“Brian! You can't go after him,” Blake immediately jumped up and headed for the door as well. “Not in your current mood.”

“I won't go after him,” Brian said quietly, holding up his cell phone which he had picked up from the small table in the foyer where he had dropped it earlier. “At least not personally. I promised Carl.”

“You promised Carl?”

“I... I made some threats against Michael and Lindsay earlier and... they wouldn't have let me go if I had uttered them to the wrong person,” Brian admitted rather sheepishly. “Carl made me promise not to go after him. He didn't say anything about not calling him, though.”

 

“Brian, I don't think this is a good idea. We should let the FBI handle this,” Ted advised, ever cautious as usual.

“I am just giving my best friend a call to update him on how I am doing. Surely that's not a crime, right?” Brian snarked before he dialled Michael's cell phone.

 

Less than a minute later Michael picked up, obviously having been asleep. His voice clearly sounded sleepy and not all there yet. “Yeah?”

“Mikey, Mikey, Mikey,” Brian drawled. “Long time no see... or hear should I say?”

“Brian? Is that you?”

Brian had put the call on speakerphone and they all noticed how Michael had immediately become more alert.

 

“Yes, Mikey. It's me. Your best friend.”

 

“What do you want, Brian?” Michael asked carefully.

 

“I want you to tell me since when Lindsay is the mother of my child. When did that happen? And how the fuck did I not notice? I mean... I carried him for nine months and I gave birth to him. How the hell did I not notice Lindsay being his biological mother?” Brian hissed, his voice barely above a whisper.

 

“Brian,” Michael started. “She is only doing what is best for you.”

“For me? Kidnapping my baby is best for me?”

“She wasn't kidnapping him,” Michael said quickly.

 

“What was she doing then?”

“She wanted to take him to Toronto, so he could grow up with Gus and JR. So they could be a family and he could have a healthy family atmosphere to grow up in.”

“Is that what Lindsay told you?” Brian frowned, wondering if Michael was saying what he thought he was saying. Apparently Ted had thought along the same lines as he got out his own cell phone and started recording the conversation between Brian and Michael. He gave Brian a silent sign to continue.

 

“Brian, Lindsay only tried to do what's best for everyone involved, so you could go back to your old life and could be you again.

 

“Me again?”

“You know? The real you. The Stud of Liberty Avenue.”

 

“Is that why Lindsay wanted us to meet? So you could distract me?” Brian outright asked the question, wondering what Michael would reply to that. Neither Ted nor Blake nor Brian could believe what happened next.

 

“She needed you gone. She knew that if you knew what she was doing, you'd be angry and against it. So she decided to do it behind your back. She said that once Luke was in Toronto you would start seeing how right we were and would understand. She needed me to keep you away from Britin, so she could pick up the baby and everything he needed.”

“So you never really wanted to meet to make up? You were merely a distraction for me,” Brian sneered, feeling ready to hit someone or something. He had rarely felt so angry at a human being as he did right that moment at Michael.

 

“Once Luke was gone and once you were back to your old self, we could have made up for real, but right now... There was no point in talking to you, but yeah, I agreed to help Lindsay so she could get our plan started to get Luke away from you. We only did it for you, Brian. To help you get back your life,” Michael said sincerely and Brian wondered if he was really believing any of the shit coming out of his own mouth.

 

“Too bad that's not a life I have ever wanted. You have just royally fucked yourself, Michael,” Brian spat before he hung up, not able to listen to any more bullshit from the man he had foolishly considered to be his best friend.

 

“Holy fuck!” Brian explained once the call was over and Ted had stopped the recording on his cell phone.

 

“I can't believe he really admitted all that,” Ted just said in awe and also obvious disgust. He couldn't believe that he had been friends with a man who could do something like that to his supposed best friend.

 

“And he doesn't see anything wrong in it. I am not even sure he realises that he has just admitted to being an accessory to a major federal crime,” Blake said quietly.

 

“What do we do now?” Ted asked as all three men had settled in the living-room again, still trying to wrap their heads around the phone call they had just listened to.

 

“We have to report it,” Blake said immediately and when he saw no reaction from either Brian or Ted, he appealed to them. “He just admitted to being an accessory to a federal crime. That is a major crime in itself. We have his confession on tape and we have to report it.”

“I...I...,” Brian started, but didn't quite know what he wanted to say.

 

“Blake is right,” Ted agreed after several more minutes of silence. “He helped Lindsay kidnap your baby. Without him she would have never had the time and opportunity. Brian, he helped her take away your baby.”

 

“I... I know, but...”

“Brian, you can't let him get away with that,” Blake said seriously.

 

“I don't intend to. Damn it!” Brian nearly jumped up from the sofa and started pacing the living-room floor in obvious distress. “I don't intend to, but...”

 

“But what?” Ted asked gently.

 

“This will destroy Debbie,” Brian whispered finally, not looking at either Ted or Blake.

 

Both men weren't really surprised that once again Brian thought of other people before himself. They knew Brian's generous side, they knew what he was really like, they had seen him for months with his baby and had seen the kind of father he was. They had no doubt that Brian cared more about Debbie's pain than his own at that moment.

“Brian...”

“I can't do that to her,” Brian said quietly. “He's her son.”

“He's a criminal,” Blake spat. “He tried to take away your son. If you don't report this, Brian, you can get into trouble yourself.”

“I know!” Brian exclaimed angrily. He flopped down on the sofa once more, hanging his head in defeat.

 

“We should call Carl,” Ted's quiet voice suddenly broke the silence.

 

“What? Why?” Blake frowned at his partner.

“He's been involved in this from the very beginning. He will know what to do and...,” taking a deep breath Ted went on. “He will know how to break this to Debbie. He knows her better than any of us.”

 

Brian silently nodded his agreement and in the end Blake agreed as well and they placed a call to Carl's phone, hoping that the man hadn't gone to bed yet.

 

 

Chapter 20

 

 

An hour later Carl arrived at Britin and was let into the mansion by the three men who were still up. All thoughts of sleep long forgotten.

 

“Is everything okay? What did you have to show me in person at this time of the night?” The old man grouched slightly, if not angrily.

 

“There's something you need to listen to,” Ted said solemnly before he led Carl into the kitchen where they all sat down at the kitchen table, nursing cups of coffees as Ted started playing the recording of Brian's call to Michael.

 

They all listened in silence, Carl's eyes only widening slightly when he heard Michael's confession. After more than 35 years in the field he wasn't surprised by much anymore. When the recording ended, Carl sighed deeply.

“The fool,” he muttered angrily before he turned to Brian. “Why did you call him? I told you to not go after him!”

 

“I didn't go after him,” Brian replied seriously. “I just gave my best friend a call. Isn't that what you do with best friends? Check in with them after traumatic events?”

 

“Brian...,” Carl sighed, but then stopped when he saw Ted's slight shake of head. Aggravating Brian now was not a good idea. Not after the day the man had had. Carl understood that himself even without Ted's non-verbal communication. “There is no way I can keep this under wraps. Do you understand that? You just played me the confession to a major federal crime. I have to report this.”

 

“I know,” Brian only said darkly, before taking another sip of his hot beverage.

 

“You're not asking me to keep this to myself?” Carl frowned, wondering what the three men at the table with him were playing at.

 

This time it was Blake who replied. “No, we know Michael confessed to being an accessory to a major crime which in itself is a crime. We... just wanted to check in with you first to know how to best proceed.”

 

“Well, I will report about his confession and we'll need a copy of that tape, Ted,” Carl started. “He'll probably be taken in first thing in the morning along with Lindsay and well... the tape is clear enough. There's not much he can do to save himself or Lindsay from that,” Carl sighed. “He confessed to being an accessory to a child abduction across state borders. That's... a major federal crime in itself.”

 

“What are we looking at in terms of a sentence?” Brian asked, his voice weirdly void of all emotion.

 

“Probably seven years at the least. Add to that the false testimony at the airport and it might even go higher,” Carl said darkly.

 

“Good,” was all Brian said, before he got up and left the room.

“Good?” Carl frowned as he looked after Brian.

“I want him to go down for this,” Brian snarked when he turned back to look at the three men seated at his kitchen table. “He helped her to take away my baby. He went after my son because he didn't like that I didn't live my life according to his ideas. I want him to go down for it. Both of them!”

 

“I can understand that, Brian, but...don't you think you're letting the heat of the moment get to you here?”

 

“He went too far. All year long I've listened to his bullshit and just let him go on, but now he went too far and if he goes down for it, I'll be absolutely fine with that.”

 

“Whatever will happen next will be out of our hands anyway, right?” Blake asked, trying to calm down the situation. “This is now in the hands of law enforcement and then probably a judge, right?”

“Yeah, there will probably be charges filed against him immediately and then it will go to trial,” Carl affirmed.

 

“And Lindsay? What about her?” Ted asked quietly. He agreed with Brian that she deserved everything that came her way, but he couldn't help but feel slightly sorry. She had been a friend for years and Melanie had been an even closer friend to him. This would break her.

 

“She's probably looking at more than 10 years if we also take into account her false testimony about Luke's parentage and the clearly counterfeit passport for Luke.”

 

“What a fucking mess,” Ted muttered as he hid his head in his hands. He relaxed slightly when he felt Blake's hand massage his back in soothing motions.

 

“Indeed,” Carl only sighed.

 

After a few minutes of pacing the large living-room, Brian returned to the men in the kitchen. He had obviously calmed down a bit and forced himself to keep a cool head. He knew that with all of what was coming their way in upcoming days and weeks, he would need it. If only to make sure that his son made it through this mess in one piece. Both his sons really. With Lindsay going to prison for what she had done, this didn't only affect Brian and Luke but also Gus.

 

“Ted, I want you to call Melanie tomorrow morning. Offer her a ticket to come down with the kids. She shouldn't be alone in Toronto right now,” he muttered silently and Ted only nodded in return, feeling once again amazed by Brian's generosity. Even in a situation like this where he had been hurt beyond imagination and where he could be mean and cold and could punish Melanie for Lindsay's mistakes, he looked out for a woman Ted knew Brian had never particularly liked to begin with. Those two had always clashed heads and fought more often than not and yet Brian wanted to make sure that she was not alone at a time like this.

 

After several more minutes of silence where each man hung on to their own thoughts, Carl cleared his throat and got up. “Well, I better head on back to Pittsburgh and hand the recording over to the FBI. And then I'll try and prepare Debbie for what's about to happen.” His voice had turned into hardly more than a whisper towards the end of his statement and none of the other three men wanted to be in his shoes. This would hurt Debbie so badly. They could only imagine how the matriarch of their family would react to finding out what her son had done and been a part of.

 

“I am sorry, Carl,” Brian whispered, hanging his head.

 

Carl squeezed his shoulder in silent support. “Don't you apologize, son. None of this is your fault! And Debbie will see that as well.”

 

Carl hoped that he was right when he said that. He knew better than anyone how blind Debbie could be at times to her son's faults and mistakes. He just hoped against hope that this time Debbie would realise that Michael had caused grievous harm to a family member and deserved what was coming his way.

 

***

 

After Carl had left all three men agreed to retire to bed. It was nearly 4.30am and they knew it would only be a matter of time before Luke would wake up. Poor tyke had to have been more exhausted than they all had thought seeing how he hadn't woken up yet.

 

Ted and Blake settled in one of Britin's guestrooms and Brian made his way to the master bedroom. He lay down on the bed replaying the day's and night's events and just couldn't find any peace or calm. He was twisting and turning and sleep was eluding him as the details of Lindsay's and Michael's betrayal went through his head again and again.

 

Having tried to fall asleep for almost an hour, Brian finally gave up and moved into Luke's nursery. He watched his peacefully sleeping son and wished that he could just sleep like that as well. He carefully lifted Luke into his arms, being especially gentle as not to wake up the sleeping infant and held him close, inhaling the scent that was so uniquely Luke.

“Hey sonny boy, I am so glad you're alright. You've got no idea,” Brian whispered, before he made a decision and carried Luke back into the master bedroom with him.

 

He gently lay the baby down in the middle of the big bed and lay down next to him after he had placed a big pillow on Luke's other side to make sure that the baby couldn't roll off the bed. He looked at his sonny boy and every once in a while ran his hand over the soft fuzz on top of Luke's head.

 

After some time he had to have fallen asleep because that was how Ted found him the next morning when he had made his way through the house in search of Luke. He had been confused when he couldn't see the baby in his crib, but had then figured that Brian had to have taken him sometime after they had turned in. He had carefully and quietly entered the master bedroom and couldn't help but smile to himself when he saw a still fully dressed Brian lying on his side, one of his arms wrapped around Luke's small body in a protective gesture. The small baby was awake as Ted saw when he walked around the bed and was happily gurgling and touching Brian.

 

Ted chuckled at the cute sight and could only imagine how tired Brian had to be if he didn't even notice his son touching him and grabbing for every piece of hair he could reach. He watched the cute scene for a couple of minutes and couldn't help but be amazed at how content Luke seemed to be just to be at his daddy's side. It was as if he knew that he was back next to Brian and as if being close to his daddy was already enough to keep him quiet.

 

Deciding not to disturb the scene and knowing that Brian would probably kill him if he ever found out that Ted had seen him and his son in a gentle moment like that, Ted quietly made for the door and left the room, deciding that breakfast could wait a bit longer.

 

***

 

 

About an hour later Brian and Luke made their way downstairs when Luke had deemed that he had waited long enough for his daddy to wake up and had finally decided that his hunger was more important than being with his daddy.

 

Brian had quickly changed Luke and had then taken his small son into the kitchen where he was greeted by Ted and Blake who both eyed him warily.

 

“What?” He snarked at both men.

 

“We're just wondering how you're holding up,” Ted bravely announced as he watched Brian prepare Luke's bottle while Luke was growing more and more impatient in his arms.

 

“What do you think, Schmidt?” Brian hissed and then cursed when the bottle with Luke's formula fell from his hands and onto the countertop.

 

Blake immediately jumped up to help. “Here, let me,” he said as he picked up the bottle and cleaned up the mess it had created on the countertop.

 

“I can do that on my own,” Brian pressed out while Luke in his arms had started to wail pitifully.

 

“But you DON'T have to,” Blake only replied sternly, holding Brian's gaze, making it clear to the older man that he was not scared of him. “Ted and I are here to help, so you better swallow your damn fucking pride, sit down with your son and make sure he gets his bottle while I take care of this mess.” Blake eyed Brian in a 'Don't even dare to contradict me'-way and Brian wondered if this was how Blake handled junkies at the clinic he was working at. Who would have thought that Schmidt's twinkie could be that determined?

 

Nodding silently, Brian took the bottle Blake held out to him and sat down at the kitchen table with Luke in his arms. Luke immediately quieted down when Brian held out his bottle to him and started sucking on it.

 

“He sucks like a pro,” Ted commented, trying to light the tense mood in the kitchen.

 

“Are you surprised? With me and Justin as fathers, how can he not?” Brian joked, feeling grateful that Ted hadn't commented on the scene with the bottle and what Blake had said. Brian was grateful for them being there if he was honest with himself and he appreciated their help the day before, but he just wasn't sure how to voice that appreciation without making a complete fool of himself.

 

All three men chuckled at that and once Luke had been fed and burped had their own breakfast. They didn't talk much, all three of them enjoying the comfortable silence and still feeling the effects of the very short night they had had.

Their silence was interrupted by the doorbell however ten minutes later and Brian sighed, having a feeling that he knew who would be on the other side. He took a quick glance at Luke who was playing with his rattle in his baby seat, before he made his way to the door. Upon opening the door his suspicions were confirmed.

 

“You fucking asshole!” An irate Debbie greeted him, stomping into the foyer of Britin. Brian sighed to himself as he closed the door, then turned to her.

 

“It's always a pleasure to see you, too, Debs.”

“Cut the bullshit, you fucking bastard!” Debbie yelled and her yelling brought Ted and Blake to the kitchen doorway.

 

“Debbie, calm down,” Ted admonished, then nodded towards the kitchen where Luke was still playing in his baby seat. “You're scaring Luke.”

“Calm down? Calm down? How do you expect me to calm down when my baby has been arrested?”

 

“Debbie,” Blake admonished as well when he heard Luke start to cry. “Lower your voice.” He then left the doorway and headed into the kitchen to take care of Luke after a quick nod in Brian's direction.

 

“Lower my voice? Is he for real?” Debbie yelled at Ted and Brian, before turning on Brian, stabbing her finger into his chest, making the brunet back into the door behind him. “How could you fucking do that to him? How could you?”

 

When Brian didn't reply and just let Debbie continue with her rant, it was Ted who spoke up. “Brian didn't do anything.”

“Of course he did!” Debbie screeched. “He got my baby arrested.”

“Michael brought everything upon himself,” Brian said in a deadly calm voice when he replied to the woman who had been his surrogate mother for more than twenty years.

 

“Brian, he's your best friend. You need to help him.”

“Help him? After he helped Lindsay to kidnap my baby?” Brian looked at her as if she had gone crazy.

 

“He didn't mean it, I am sure.” Debbie argued, her finger still resting on Brian's chest.

 

“So he didn't mean to distract me and keep me in Pittsburgh, giving Lindsay the time she needed to take my baby to the airport so she could take him home with her to Toronto? Then why would he admit that on tape?” Brian hissed at her, slapping her hand away from his chest and brushing past her into the middle of the foyer.

 

“Brian, you know Michael would never do anything to hurt you. He loves you,” Debbie wailed, tears now running down her cheeks.

 

“He loves me enough to help someone else kidnap my baby. A baby he has been talking shit about for a year. If that's love, I can very well do without it,” Brian spat.

“You need to help him. He's your best friend!” Debbie wailed.

 

“He is nothing to me. All he is, is dead to me. I hope he goes down for this.”

“Brian!” Debbie screeched and then slapped him hard.

 

Brian held his cheek where her hand had connected and eyed her furiously. “That never worked on me. You should ask Jack.”

 

“After everything he has done for you, how can you not help him now?” Debbie glared at him, and when she was ready to slap him once more, Ted came up to her and grabbed her arm, stopping it before it connected with Brian's face once more.

 

“Debbie, I think you should leave.”

“Let go of me, Ted.”

“Your son made his own bed. For once in his life let him face the consequences of his actions. He's a grown man. Stop treating him like a preschooler,” he growled at her and for a second she looked at him as if she had never seen him before. Then her features turned into a growl.

 

“You are siding with the asshole? After everything Michael and I have done for you?”

“I am grateful for allowing me to be a part of your family, Debbie, but that's about everything you ever did for me.”

“Ted,” Brian said quietly, not wanting his friend to fall out with Debbie over this. This was between him and Michael and to some degree Debbie, but Ted was not involved.

 

“What?” Ted asked angrily then turned back to Debbie. “Do you really think we haven't all seen how you've always dangled Brian's childhood over his head? Do you really think we don't notice how you use guilt to make sure everyone does what you want them to do? Let me tell you something, Debbie: Yes, you have welcomed me into your home when Michael became my friend and I am grateful for that, just like I am sure that Brian is grateful for all you did for him when he was a teenager, but I am his accountant and I know what Brian paid on your mortgage so you could keep your house. I know how much Brian paid so Michael could have his dream of his own comic book store. As far as I am concerned Brian has repaid his alleged debt to you and Michael ten times over. And Debbie, some people help other people out of the goodness of their heart, not because they expect something in return. Ever thought about that?”

 

“How dare you?” Debbie glared at Ted.

 

“Debbie, you better open your eyes to what your son has done. He is facing a long prison sentence and the earlier you accept that, the better it will be for everyone involved.”

 

The mention of the prison sentence made Debbie blanch and all colour left her face. After a minute of silence the fight returned to her however and she turned on Brian once more. “He is your best friend. You need to help him. You need to get him a good lawyer!”

 

“He helped Lindsay kidnap my son. I will not pay for his damn lawyer so he can get off these charges,” Brian said seriously. “He has gone too far and for all I care, he can go rot in hell.” With that Brian turned around and left the foyer to move back into the kitchen.

 

“Brian!” Debbie started yelling after him and was about to follow him into the kitchen when Ted blocked her way.

 

“You should leave now! He will not help Michael. Not after this. Michael has finally gone too far and Brian will not help him in any way. Unless you can accept what your son has done, don't bother coming back here.”

After having said his piece, Ted yanked open the front door and glared at Debbie until she moved through the door. Without as much as a goodbye he closed the door behind her, not able to believe that the woman had seriously demanded that Brian pay a lawyer for a person who was involved in his child being abducted.

 

 

Chapter 21

 

After Debbie had left Brian and Ted had tried to get some work done for Kinnetik while Luke was having his morning nap and Blake went into the nearest town to stock up on some groceries and to get some changes of clothes for himself and Ted from their apartment in Pittsburgh.

They had silently agreed that they would stay at Britin for a couple more days if Brian wanted them to or not. Officially they had to stay because they were having custody of Luke for the moment, but even if that hadn't been the case, Blake would have insisted. He was worried about Brian after the events of the previous days and was glad that Ted had gotten him distracted with work.

 

He could only imagine how Brian had to feel after the betrayal by his two best friends - a term that Blake had always used very loosely for Lindsay and Michael, but even though he might not have had a high opinion of them, he knew that at one point or another they had been important to Brian and every betrayal by someone you thought loved you and was your friend hurt. And Brian was hurting, Blake knew it. Even though the man tried to hide it, Blake knew the signs, saw the faraway looks Brian had when he thought no one was watching him and he just felt better being there for him than leaving him alone at a time like this.

 

In the meantime Ted and Brian had settled into Brian's home office and had had a video-chat with Cynthia bringing her up to date on what had happened and letting her know that Ted would be working from Britin for the rest of the week. By the end of their story, Cynthia had been ready to rip Lindsay and Michael apart with her bare hands and for a second Ted had felt glad that they were in a jail cell somewhere, being safe from Cynthia's wrath. Cynthia had never liked Lindsay and Michael and what had happened the day before had only proved to her that she had been right all along in her dislike of the two people who had considered themselves Brian's friends.

 

After about two hours of work they called it quits for the day and had a light lunch in the kitchen with Blake who had brought some sandwiches and soup from the diner. Conversation flowed easily but stayed clear of the happenings of the day before. Nobody mentioned Lindsay, Michael or Debbie's visit earlier and all three seemed to be relieved when Luke woke up and proved to be a welcome distraction.

 

Brian got Luke changed and once the baby was happy again, after having gotten a new clean diaper, Brian took Luke downstairs and announced that he would take him for a walk along the grounds to clear his head. He attached Luke's baby carrier and gently put the baby inside, smiling as the baby snuggled into his chest, before he walked the grounds for about two hours. When he returned to the house, he frowned at the car he saw in his driveway and immediately realised the grave error he had commited that day when he had forgotten to call the owner of the car and let her know about the day's events.

“Wish me luck that she won't kill me, sonny boy,” Brian whispered as he pressed a kiss to Luke's forehead and then made his way inside.

 

He could hear quiet conversation from the living-room and made his way inside with Luke still strapped to his chest.

Jennifer, the owner of the car immediately walked over and Brian mentally prepared himself for another slap like Debbie's earlier that morning. The slap never came though and instead Brian and Luke were engulfed in a crushing hug by her.

 

“Careful, there's a baby strapped to my chest,” Brian grumbled after Jennifer had hugged him for what had felt like an eternity, never loosening her death grip on him and Luke.

 

When Brian's voice brought her back to the there and then she pulled back gently and carefully got Luke out of the carrier and kissed his cheek making the baby giggle in her arm.

 

“Oh honey, my sweet baby. Are you okay? You poor darling,” she cooed at the baby who only smiled at her and gurgled happily at the attention he was receiving from his grandmother.

 

“He is fine,” Brian said quietly, watching as Jennifer and Luke settled down on the sofa, Jennifer holding her grandson tight in her arms.

 

“And how are you?” She eyed him carefully, giving him a look that told him that lying or not answering was not an option.

 

“Have been better,” he murmured as he got rid of his jacket and the baby carrier and then joined the others in the living-room.

 

Jennifer only nodded and caressed Luke's cheek as she continued speaking. “I couldn't believe it, when I heard... How could they?”

“God knows what was running through their thick heads,” Brian muttered angrily, feeling his fury once more awaken inside of him. Every thought of Lindsay or Michael seemed to make him beyond furious at the moment, so he tried to ignore thinking about them whenever he could. “How did you find out?” He asked her, wondering if it was pure coincidence that she had chosen just that day for a visit and somehow not being able to believe that.

 

“Debbie,” she only replied and Brian nodded. Of course. He could have figured that out himself. After the way he and Ted had treated Debbie, she had probably run straight to Jennifer, her closest friend to try and find an understanding ear there.

 

“Did she run to you to complain about me?” Brian asked, trying to hide the pain he felt, but not being successful. Jennifer and his two friends heard it in every word he spoke and even more so saw it on his face.

 

“Kind of,” Jennifer nodded. “She wanted an understanding ear, wanted me to agree what an asshole you are, you know the drill.”

 

“What did you tell her?” Brian asked, not quite sure if he really wanted to know. What if Jennifer also wanted him to help Michael? What if Jennifer agreed with Debbie?

 

“That I wouldn't choose any sides, definitely not until I have heard the whole story and that she was barking up the wrong tree if she wanted sympathy for Michael's behaviour.”

When Brian raised an eyebrow at that last statement, Jennifer only shrugged. “I know what he said about Justin and Luke. If she expects sympathy from me, she's definitely looking in the wrong place.”

 

“I bet she didn't like that,” Ted voiced and everyone in the living-room agreed.

 

“I love Debbie, but where Michael is concerned she's blind. I've told her before, but she doesn't want to hear any criticism of her precious baby boy. We've disagreed about him before, but well... I tried not to let Michael influence our friendship.”

 

“Well, I guess those days are over,” Brian muttered darkly.

 

“If she can't see the wrong in what he's done, then I am not sure if I want to be friends with her anymore. If she condones what he has done... how can she? She considers herself Luke's grandmother. She considers you her son... How can she not see any fault in what he's done?”

“Because he's her son and she's his mother. In the end if it comes down to a choice, she'll always choose him.” Brian voice was filled with hurt and pain and not wanting the others to comment on it, he got up and left the living-room, getting out onto the porch and staring off into the distance. He sighed when he heard the glass door to the living-room slide open and close and found Jennifer standing at his side.

 

“Brian,” she started, but was interrupted by him raising his hand at her.

 

“Don't,” he said quietly.

 

“You don't know what I was about to say.”

 

“How it's natural for a mother to defend her son, how she's doing what every good parent would do...,” Brian stopped when he heard Jennifer snort at his side. He looked up at her and frowned.

 

“Wow, is that what you think?” She took hold of Brian's arm and led him towards the deck chairs and sat down with him.

 

“I know we have had our disagreements in the past and I know that you think that because I am Justin's mother I will always choose his side over yours, but let me tell you, Brian, if Justin would pull a stunt like that or any of the stunts Michael had pulled, I would be the first one to kick some sense into him. As a parent we always need to know that our children are not perfect. As much as we want them to be, they are not. Nobody is and they are no exception.”

 

Brian listened silently to what she was saying and he actually believed her. From what he had seen of her and Justin together, he had no doubt that she would kick his ass. She would be the first one to point out wrong behaviour to him and he didn't doubt her for a second.

 

“This is not your fault, Brian. It's Lindsay's and Michael's because they can't accept that things have changed. That you have changed... If Debbie can't see that, it's her fault. Not yours!”

 

“Thank you,” Brian muttered quietly and smiled slightly when Jennifer took his hand and squeezed it gently in silent support. After a few minutes of comfortable silence he spoke quietly, his voice still full of hurt and pain. “She wants me to help him. To get him a lawyer. She says I owe him after everything he's done for me. After everything she's done for me.”

 

“Brian, love doesn't come with a price tag. And I am sure that you have already made up for any imaginary sum she might think you owe her. Justin told me how generous you have always been with her and Michael. Whatever she thinks you might owe her, I am sure you've repaid it times and times over. And if she can't see that, it's her loss.”

 

“You seem quite angry yourself, Mother Taylor,” Brian mused, having picked up on the anger in Jennifer's voice as she spoke.

 

“She said a couple of things I don't agree with,” was all Jennifer said in reply and Brian nodded, only able to imagine too well what Debbie might have said.

 

“How you shouldn't be on my side after everything I've done to Justin? And how you owe her after what she's done for Justin?” Brian mused and wasn't surprised when Jennifer nodded quietly. “And here I thought the guilt trip was a special way just to torture me,” he chuckled hoarsely.

 

“Brian, don't let her get to you. She's hurting and I am sure that given some time, she'll come around and see that Michael has caused this himself.”

“Is it bad that I want him to go down for this?” Brian asked quietly and a silent tear ran down his cheeks as he spoke. “We used to be best friends, he was like a brother to me, but now... now all I feel is this thirst for revenge and I want him to pay for his part in this.”

 

“Brian, what he did was wrong and he will pay for this. I am sure! And... I think you have every right to be angry at him right now and to want him to pay.”

 

“Thank you, Mother Taylor,” Brian wiped away his tears and then looked at her. “I am sorry about you and Debbie arguing.”

“Stop right there, Brian. You didn't do anything wrong... well, except for not telling me obviously,” she chastised him and he knew that she was right. He knew that he should have been the one to tell her that her grandson had been abducted and that she shouldn't have found out from an angry Debbie.

 

“I am sorry,” he whispered, hanging his head. “It's... it's just been too much. I wasn't thinking clearly and all I could think of was Luke.”

“Just as should be,” Jennifer hugged the man next to her and squeezed his shoulder in comfort. “He should always be your number one priority. Not me, not Debbie, not anyone else.”

After talking for some more minutes the two of them went back inside and Jennifer agreed to stay for dinner. She spent a couple of hours with her grandson and allowed him to cheer her up by just being his cheery self. All the adults at Britin were glad that he seemed absolutely unaffected by the events of the previous day and was his usual self.

 

 

***

 

“Brian, can I talk to you for a minute?” Ted asked quietly as he knocked on the door to Brian's home office.

 

“Sure, Ted.” Brian waved the man inside and went over to sit with him on the sofa. “What is it?” Brian asked, not liking the serious expression on his CFO's face.

It had been three days now since Lindsay's attempted abduction of Luke and things were finally quieting down at Britin again. The last two days had been busy with meetings with the FBI and the District Attorney and Brian had spent a lot of time in Pittsburgh in meetings with his lawyer. He had given his final statement to the FBI and both Lindsay and Michael had had their official arraignments the day before. Much as expected Lindsay had been denied bail until the time her trial would start, the judge deciding that there was a definite flight risk. Michael had been granted bail, seeing how he hadn't been involved in the abduction directly, but had only been an accessory, but the bail had been too high for him to post. As far as Brian knew, Michael was still in jail as well because he didn't have enough money to post bail and neither had Debbie.

 

He couldn't help but think back to their meeting after the official arraignment when he and his lawyer had been about to leave.

 

“Brian,” Debbie had called out to him and Brian had inwardly winced at hearing her voice. He wasn't quite ready to be told yet again how he owed Michael to help him.

 

“What, Debbie?” Brian asked in obvious discomfort and slowly turned around to her.

“You need to lend me the money for the bail,” she started without preamble.

 

“Excuse me?” Brian looked at her in complete and utter disbelief. She couldn't really mean that, could she?

 

“Michael doesn't have that kind of money and you know I don't have it either. You have enough money, Brian. Please, you need to lend it to me.”

“After what he did? Why would I do that?”

 

“He is your best friend.”

“He is nothing to me. He might have been my friend once, but he hasn't been in a long time and after what he pulled here, he is dead to me. He can rot in that damn cell for all I care,” Brian spat, once again overcome by his anger. How could Debbie even dare to ask him for money so he could post bail for the person who helped to abduct his son?

 

“Brian, please. You owe me!”

“I don't owe you anything, Debbie. Michael is on his own in this. Don't come to me again to ask for anything for him.”

 

With that Brian turned around and moved away.

 

“Brian, you need to help him. He's got no one else.”

“What about his husband? Clearly he's more suited to help him than me, right?” Brian spat, not knowing why he had even bothered to reply to her at all.

 

“Ben left him. He's not willing to help Michael. He says Michael brought this upon himself and that he's had it with him,” Debbie explained and Brian could only congratulate the professor on finally having seen the light.

 

“Good for Ben. That was long overdue.” With that Brian really left the court room and left Debbie on her own as she cursed after him and called him all kinds of names.

 

“Brian?” Ted's voice calling his name brought Brian back to the there and then. He frowned for a second when he tried to remember where he was and why he was there and then their earlier conversation came back to him. Ted had wanted to talk to him.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I was just lost in thoughts,” Brian mumbled, not wanting to get into where his thoughts had wandered with Ted. Ted and Blake had been amazing these last three days. They hadn't left Brian on his own for a minute and had been there with him at the arraignment and had stayed with him at Britin to take care of Luke and help him get over his friends betrayal. They had been the distraction Brian had so desperately needed and he wasn't sure if he could ever repay them for all they had done for him these last days.

 

“I have talked to Mel again and... it's not good,” Ted said seriously, looking at Brian from uneasy eyes.

 

Melanie had been another problem in the last two days. She had refused Ted's offer to buy her tickets to come down to Pittsburgh and had insisted that she didn't want anything to do with Lindsay or what she had done. She had informed Ted that her and Lindsay had been over for a while and that she had been thinking about filing for divorce for a couple of weeks. Lindsay's abduction attempt had finally given her the push she had needed and she had filed for divorce the day after she had been informed about what Lindsay had done. She had insisted to Ted that her life was in Toronto now and Pittsburgh and especially Brian was only a reminder of what Lindsay had done and she didn't need that in her life.

 

Brian had accepted her reasoning, not being able to blame her. Much like with Ben, he thought it was long overdue that Melanie ended things with Lindsay once and for all and he couldn't fault her for doing it now when Lindsay had shown her true, crazy self.

 

Things had taken a turn for the worse though when Melanie had refused to abide by the old agreement Lindsay had had with Brian concerning Gus and had informed Ted that so far Lindsay had come to Pittsburgh on the weekends she had had Gus and that now that Lindsay wasn't there anymore, Melanie had no intention of taking Gus to Pittsburgh.

 

“What now?” Brian sighed, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. Would the bad news never end? It felt like this week had been a neverending saga of bad news after bad news.

 

“She refuses to negotiate a new custody deal for Gus,” Ted said solemnly, knowing how much that would hurt Brian. And much as he had expected, he saw Brian's face fall immediately and he looked as if he had been punched in the gut.

 

“Why?” Was all Brian asked.

“She says that now that Lindsay is in jail and waiting for the trial, she is the only parent with legal rights and that she will get sole custody for Gus. Once she has that, she says there is no need for a schedule as you have no rights to Gus at all and unlike Lindsay she doesn't feel the need to give you access to her son.”

“Her son? Her son?” Brian exploded and started pacing the study like a madman. “He is my son! Mine and Lindsay's son.”

“Brian, calm down,” Ted tried to placate the other man, looking at him from his place on the sofa. If he was honest, he had no idea why Melanie was doing this and when he had asked her, she had only replied that she was not legally obliged to share Gus with anyone, so she wouldn't. Ted had tried to make her see reason, had tried to argue with her that Gus loved his father and loved coming to Britin to see Brian and Luke, but Melanie had only pointed out again that Brian had no legal rights to Gus since he had signed away his parental rights years ago and that she intended to keep it that way.

 

It had almost seemed to Ted as if she had been kind of happy to finally have found a way to get back at Brian and it had made him sick to his stomach that she would use her own son to hurt Brian and Gus as well. Because the boy would be heartbroken if he didn't get to see his father and brother anymore.

 

“That fucking bitch!” Brian yelled and then slammed his fist onto his desk, cursing when it send a stack of papers flying. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Ted allowed Brian to vent his anger for a couple of minutes, before he felt it was safe again to speak.

“I have already contacted Watson, Myers & Shelbourne and they are willing to take on your case. You have an appointment with Stephen Watson at 10am tomorrow morning.”

“Who?”

“Stephen Watson. He's widely considered to be the best family lawyer on the East Coast and hasn't lost a custody case so far. I have talked to him earlier and have faxed him the bank statements of all the support you have paid for Gus over the years and especially since the girls moved to Canada. He thinks you've got a very good chance to prove that even though you have signed away your rights, you have always had an active role in your son's life, especially since he has moved to Toronto and to at least get partial custody with a visitation schedule.”

 

“When did you speak to him?” Brian asked in obvious confusion.

“After I got off the phone with Melanie. I asked Cynthia to do some research on family lawyers and once she got me a name, I made the call. I thought you would approve.”

“Of course I fucking approve!” Brian nodded, looking at Ted in thanks.

 

“Well, good then. 10 am tomorrow morning.”

“Ted, thank you! I... I don't know what to say,” Brian started, once again amazed by everything Ted and Blake had done and were still doing for him.

“Don't say anything, Brian,” Ted said seriously. “It's what friends do.”

Brian only nodded and smiled at his friend gratefully. Not for the first time he wondered when Ted had turned into such a good friend. He remembered how Ted had been by his side during his cancer and how Ted had supported him all throughout his pregnancy even though he had completely disagreed with Brian about Justin. Once again Brian was reminded that Ted had been more of a friend to him in the last few years than his supposedly best friend had ever been.

 

“And it's what you pay me the big bucks for,” Ted chuckled which made Brian laugh as well.

Ted was glad to hear that sound out of Brian's mouth. After everything the man had been through in recent days, Ted was glad to at least bring some happiness to his life.

 

 

Chapter 22

 

 

For the next few weeks Brian was busy with meetings with his lawyer. After the initial contact with Stephen Watson had been established by Ted, Brian had met with the man and had liked him immediately. Watson had been honest and straight to the point, not hiding in excuses or long and winding explanations.

 

He had informed Brian that he thought they had a really good case, especially since Melanie wasn't Gus' biological mother. He had been honest and had said that the situation would have been a lot harder if she had been as courts often tend to favour the mother, but with Lindsay being in prison and out of the question for the foreseeable future Brian was the only biological parent available to take care of Gus and that gave him a huge advantage over Melanie.

 

As they had talked over their options, the lawyer had pointed out that these kind of three-way-custody issues were still a rather new thing in court so there weren't a lot of precedents they could rely on. He had also pointed out that Brian being a father to Luke would also play in his favour as he would thereby already be established as a parent who would know how to take care of a child. If Luke hadn't existed and it had just been Brian's scheduled visits with his son so far it would have been a lot harder to convince a judge that Brian, the CEO of Kinnetik Inc. and owner of a gay night club would be able to raise a child.

Brian had felt it necessary to point out his recent investigation by Child Protective Services at that point, knowing that he needed to be honest with his lawyer if he wanted to have any chance of seeing Gus again. The lawyer had listened to Brian's explanations and had demanded the files of the investigation to be sent to his office. During their next meeting he had told Brian that Brian had nothing to be afraid of and that the investigation would even work in their favour. At Brian's confused frown he had continued on and had pointed out how the investigation had cleared Brian of any suspicions of child neglect and endangerment and had basically proven that he was a good father. That could work in their favour as every judge knew how thorough Child Protective Services were and if they hadn't found anything amiss, that meant that Brian was not a danger to Luke or Gus.

 

The meetings with the lawyer had made Brian feel slightly better, especially since he hadn't talked to Gus ever since the night before Luke's abduction. Ever since Lindsay had been incarcerated, he hadn't been able to see Gus, have him over for a visit or even as much as speak to him and it tore at his heartstrings that he didn't know how his son was doing. He knew that Gus had to be suffering. The boy loved Lindsay and her being gone had to be a huge change for him and he only hoped that Melanie took good care of him and made up for Lindsay's absence and his own. Every time he had tried calling her, she had hung up and had refused to let him talk to Gus. In the end she had even gone as far as block his number.

 

Thankfully Watson had proven that he was worth the money Brian was paying him as he had filed papers for a custody hearing within a week of Brian meeting him for the first time.

He had warned Brian that it might take several weeks until they would get a date for a hearing as now the ball was in Melanie's court and her side had the chance to file papers as well or to agree to a mediation meeting.

 

Only a week after Brian's lawyer had filed the papers, Brian had received word from him that Melanie had refused the offer of a mediation meeting and wanted to go to court. Apparently she thought she had a strong case which Brian's lawyer couldn't quite see himself.

So over the course of the next few weeks preparations for a custody battle began and Brian's lawyer interviewed Ted, Blake and Jennifer, asking them for statements in support of Brian. Cynthia also offered to give a statement, after all she had seen several times how Brian would drop everything to be there for his sons, but in the end Watson had decided against using her, not wanting to give the impression that Brian might have paid his employee to say good things about him. Cynthia had been miffed about that decision to say the least, but in the end she had understood and accepted it, promising Brian that she would be there for moral support.

 

Brian appreciated all the help he got from his friends and despite the pain of not being able to speak to Gus at the moment, he started to feel slightly optimistic that soon a visitation schedule would be in place and he would see his son again regularly.

 

At the same time as preparing for the custody battle, the preparations for the abduction trial also took place and Brian had weekly meetings with the DA to prepare for that trial. At times Brian felt like all he did was meet with lawyers and take care of his son.

A week after Luke's abduction by Lindsay the results of the DNA test had come back and had proven once and for all that Brian was Luke's father and that Lindsay had lied. In light of the DNA results proving Brian's fatherhood, perjury charges were added to Lindsay's and Michael's list of already existing charges.

 

Debbie hadn't been happy when she had been informed and had stormed into Kinnetik, demanding to talk to Brian, but Brian had simply refused to see her. He had Ted inform her that she was not welcome at Kinnetik anymore if all she wanted to do was accuse him of being an asshole and not helping her son when he owed him. Debbie hadn't taken too kindly to Ted's words, but he couldn't have cared less. After he had seen how she had treated Brian after the abduction, he had pretty much stopped caring about her feelings.

 

Ever since that day Brian had thankfully been spared from any visits by her. At times he missed her, but if all she wanted was to tell him what an ungrateful bastard he was, he could very well do without her.

 

After a month of not having seen Gus, the judge had finally set a hearing and after being presented with the copies of the money Brian had paid for Gus' support, the judge had agreed that Brian would have the right to visitation with his son.

 

It took two more weeks to work out the details between Melanie, who refused to come down to Pittsburgh and bring Gus to Pittsburgh and Brian, who because of Luke would be unable to fly to Toronto every second weekend. In the end all parties agreed that Ted would fly to Toronto, would pick up Gus for his weekends with his daddy and would bring him back on Sundays when the weekend was over. This involved a lot of back and forth flying, but Ted knew that Brian didn't want to leave Luke on his own for whole weekends and wouldn't have much other chance to see his older son. This was the only option where Brian could spend the weekend with both his boys, not wanting to put Luke on planes every second weekend and Ted was only too glad to be of help.

If he was honest, he also hoped that he would be able to talk some sense into Melanie while he was up in Toronto picking up Gus. He had always been her friend, even before she had started dating Lindsay and he could only assume that she would be in need of a friend as well what with her marriage being over and her being alone in a foreign country with two small children.

 

On his visits to Toronto Ted had been shocked by what he had seen there. The Melanie he had known had all but disappeared and had been replaced by a cold, uncaring woman instead. To him it felt as if he didn't know her at all anymore. He didn't doubt that she was a good mother to JR and Gus and could only hope that she showed more emotion to them than in her short conversations with Ted.

 

In the end Ted had accepted that they had obviously drifted apart and Melanie wasn't interested in any more contact than his short visits every two weeks when he picked up Gus and brought him back two days later.

 

Life went on like that without any further big interruptions until the trial against Lindsay and Michael was supposed to start. It had taken about six months to prepare the trial and Brian couldn't wait for it to start. He hoped that once the trial was over, he could finally forget about what had happened and could move on.

 

He sat on the bench behind the DA, who was just about to present his case to the jury. Ted and Blake and Jennifer were sitting with him in the first row and Brian was glad for their support. Every once in a while he glanced over at Michael and Lindsay who were sitting at the desk of the defense, their lawyer busily taking notes as the DA was outlining how Lindsay with Michael's help had distracted Brian and taken Luke away from his father in an attempt to abduct the child to Canada so she could raise him there as her own son. The DA explained the sinister plan in detail and took quite some time to point out Michael's role in it, while the two defendants seemed to be bored by what the DA was saying. Every once in a while either of them would turn around and look at Brian, but he would only glare at them until they lowered their gazes and turned away.

 

Brian saw Debbie sitting behind the defense table and saw her shake her head furiously every time the DA mentioned Michael's involvement in what had happened. Thankfully she had stayed clear of Brian earlier and hadn't talked to him. For that he had been eternally grateful. Brian had a feeling that he probably had Carl to thank for that, who was sitting next to Debbie, but had come over earlier to greet everyone in Brian's row and had talked to them quietly, asking them how they were doing and holding up. He had pretty much ignored the death glares Debbie had thrown at him and when he had sat down next to her again, he had ignored her angry muttering.

 

After about two hours the DA was finished and it was the defense attorney's turn to present his defense. Since neither Lindsay nor Michael had access to a lot of money and Lindsay's parents had clearly refused to pay for a lawyer for her, they couldn't afford a very expensive lawyer and had hired a very young one. By the looks of it, he had barely finished law school and this was probably one of his first big cases. The poor guy seemed slightly stressed out, but did the best under the circumstances, outlining how his clients were only misunderstood and hadn't planned on abducting the baby, but had only wanted to do what was right for the baby and its father, giving him a bit of time to relax.

 

Relax, as if, Brian thought to himself and could only shake his head in astonishment when he heard that lame attempt at a defense. He wondered if the lawyer himself even believed what he was saying.

 

Another two hours later the defense attorney was done as well and it was time to start the trial. Brian knew that he was the first witness and when his name was called, he walked over to the witness stand, gave his name and address and swore to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.

 

As the DA had prepared him well for this interrogation, Brian felt like it passed in mere minutes. He answered all the questions the DA asked him, gave details where needed and described the events of that day in a clear, concise manner.

Once he was done, the DA gave Brian a nod in acknowledgment to let him know that he had done a good job.

 

Now it was the defense attorney's turn and Brian wondered what he might have in store for him. Of course the DA had also gone over a couple of questions the defense might ask him, had prepared him for possible traps they might want him to fall into, but in the end no one but the defense attorney would really know where this interrogation was going.

 

“Mr Kinney, you are a single parent, is that true?” The lawyer began and Brian wondered what he would ask next.

 

“Yes, I am.”

“The father of Luke is not involved in raising the child?”

“No, he's not.”

“Can you explain to us why he's not involved?”

“Objection!” the DA immediately interrupted. “Relevance.”

 

“Sustained.”

 

“Is it true that you never informed the father that he has a son?” The attorney asked instead and Brian wondered if this was all the defense had.

“Objection! Once again relevance. Mr Kinney's relationship with the baby's second father has nothing to do with this trial,” the DA argued and once again the judge agreed with him.

 

In the end the defense attorney stopped that line of questioning when he felt that he wasn't getting anywhere and instead focused on how Brian had obtained the recording of Michael's confession.

 

“Is it true Mr Kinney, that you didn't make my client aware that the call was being recorded?”

“That is true.”

“Why didn't you make him aware?”

“When I called him, I didn't know what your client was about to say. Once he started confessing to a federal crime, my CFO Theodore Schmidt started the recording as we knew that it would be a crime itself if we didn't report the confession we had just heard.”

 

“Is it true that you and Mr Novotny have been friends for more than 20 years.”

“We met when we were fourteen and have been friends until last year.”

 

“Why did your friendship end?”

“Mr Novotny didn't seem able to accept that I was now a father and had a child that needed me to take care of him. He insisted on me continuing to drink and party and it just became obvious that we had moved apart.”

 

“And Mrs Peterson? You are the father to her son, aren't you?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Why did you agree to have a son with her?”

“She and her partner at the time, Melanie Marcus, wanted a child and asked me for my sperm. At first I didn't want to, but in the end I didn't see the harm in it and gave them my sperm.”

“So you were just the sperm donor?” The defense attorney asked and once again Brian could only wonder why he was talking about things from way back in their past instead of the reason for why they were there.

“That was the plan, yes.”

“What do you mean it was the plan?”

“The plan was for Mrs Peterson and Mrs Marcus to raise our son, Gus and for me to not be a part of his life, but with time I became a part of his life and became his father. I now have regular visitation with him.”

 

That seemed to surprise Lindsay as her eyes widened comically. Brian wasn't sure if that was because she hadn't expected him to stay a part of Gus' life after she was out of it or because she had expected Melanie to stop him from seeing his son.

 

“Mr. Kinney, is it true that you had up to 30 different sex partners a month?” The lawyer asked next and Brian wondered where that had come from. His questions seemed to be all over the place and none of them seemed to be really related to the case so far. Brian wondered if the lawyer knew what he was doing and if there was any plan behind his questions. As he was still pondering that in his head, he heard the DA object once more.

 

“Objection! Relevance. This line of questioning has nothing to do with the abduction of Luke Victor Kinney-Taylor.”

 

The judge agreed once more and reprimanded the defense attorney to only ask questions in relation to the abduction case they were hearing.

 

Nodding in reply the defense attorney then announced that he was done with his questions.

As it was already late afternoon the judge adjourned the trial to the next day when they would continue with the testimonies of Lindsay and Michael.

 

The group quietly gathered their things and after a quick conversation with the DA left the court building. Brian couldn't wait to get back home to Luke who had been in Cynthia's care for the day.

 

 

Chapter 23

 

Early the next morning the same group reconvened at the court house and took the same places as the day before. Lindsay was sworn in for her testimony and the DA started asking her questions.

 

At times Lindsay tried to evade answering, but in the end the judge would order her to answer to the questions the DA was asking.

The whole time Lindsay sounded haughty and played her Mother Earth routine that everyone knew so well. She claimed that what she had done had not been an abduction attempt, but merely a help mission to get Brian to get back his old life.

 

When the DA didn't seem to go for that line of argument and always went back to the cold, hard facts of the case, Lindsay became aggravated and obviously annoyed.

During the short recess the judge had ordered after Lindsay's testimony, Brian and Ted talked about what she had said and both wondered if she actually believed what she was saying or if this was all an act to try and gain some sympathy from the jury. Whatever it was, it didn't seem to work as the jury had seemed quite annoyed by her towards the end of her testimony with more than one juror rolling their eyes when the judge had once again reprimanded her to just answer the questions she was asked and not go off into storytime.

 

After the short break it was the defense attorney's turn to interrogate Lindsay.

 

“Mrs Peterson, is it correct that Mr Kinney is the father of your son, Gus Peterson-Marcus?”

“Yes, he is.”

“You are a lesbian, aren't you Mrs Peterson?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Could you explain how Mr Kinney became your son's father with both of you being homosexuals?”

 

“My wife and I,” Lindsay was then interrupted by the DA, who had objected.

“Her former wife. The divorce has gone through two days ago,” the DA pointed out, not wanting Lindsay to be able to play the 'happy family' card.

 

“Sustained. Mrs Peterson, please make sure that your testimony is accurate, everything else could be considered perjury,” the judge admonished and Lindsay only huffed in annoyance.

 

“Fine, my former wife and I wanted to have a child together and we were looking at possible donors. In the end we settled on Mr Kinney.”

“Why him?” The lawyer asked.

 

“He's smart, successful, good-looking. All things we were looking for in a possible donor.”

“When Mr Kinney agreed to become a sperm donor, did he want to be a part of your sons life?”

“Oh god no,” Lindsay chuckled, almost as if the thought was ridiculous.

“And you were okay with that?”

“Yes, like I said, my former wife and I wanted a child and we wanted to raise the baby between us.”

“Weren't you confused that Mr Kinney would agree to be your sperm donor, but didn't want any part in the child's life?”

“Not really. Brian has always been a free spirit. He was always more concerned about himself and his reputation than being a family man. And with his past, well... it's probably better that he didn't want to be involved in our son's future.”

“What about his past?” The lawyer went on asking, but was once again interrupted by the DA who was objecting on the count of relevance.

“Mr Kinney's past has nothing to do with the case we're hearing.”

“Sustained,” the judge agreed once more and the defense attorney just nodded, before he turned back to interrogate his client.

 

“Mrs Peterson, can you explain to us the circumstances of the birth of Luke Victor Kinney-Taylor?”

“Objection! Your honor, relevance. This is a case about the abduction of an infant, not about the father's life and choices in the past.”

 

“Sustained. You are walking a tight rope here, counsel. You better get to the point,” the judge ordered the defense attorney impatiently.

 

Nodding once more, the young lawyer went on with his line of questioning. “Please describe to us the events of the day of the alleged abduction, Mrs Peterson.”

 

“I had offered to watch Luke for Brian, so Brian and Michael could meet in Pittsburgh and talk over their problems. Their friendship hadn't been what it used to be before because of the baby and I thought it would be important that they worked things out.”

“Why Mrs Peterson?”

“Brian is the father to my son Gus and Michael is the father to my daughter JR. I didn't want there to be any tension for family celebrations in the future. I didn't want the children to suffer because of differences between their fathers.”

 

The defense attorney nodded and then continued his questioning.

 

“What did you do while Mr Kinney and Mr Novotny met in Pittsburgh?”

“I packed a bag of supplies for the baby and prepared him for travel.”

“Travel to where?”

“Toronto, where my former wife and I were living at the time.”

“Why would you do that, Mrs Peterson?”

“I just wanted to make sure that Luke would be able to grow up with his big brother and would be raised in a loving home. He didn't deserve to grow up with a single parent who never wanted to be a parent anyway and had just been trapped into the role of father by a lover who didn't know where his place was.”

“Objection!” The DA angrily called out, not able to believe what he had just heard.

 

“Sustained. Jurors, please disregard the witness' latest statement. Counsel, please advice your client to only answer the questions she is being asked. We're not listening to stories here,” the judge declared.

 

“So you believe in family values, Mrs Peterson?” The defense attorney asked, hoping that he could end this interrogation on a high and appeal to the mothers in the jury and the family oriented jurors.

 

“Yes, I do. Every child deserves to grow up in a loving home being raised by two parents.”

 

“That's all, thank you,” the attorney declared and moved back to his table.

 

The judge looked at the DA and asked if he had more questions for the witness.

“Yes, your honour.” The DA then got up and walked over to the witness stand.

“Mrs Peterson, you just declared that you believe in family values and that every child deserves to be raised by two parents, is that correct?”

“Yes, correct.” Lindsay looked and sounded quite haughtily as she stared down at the lawyer in front of her.

 

“Then why would you want to bring Luke Victor Kinney-Taylor into a broken home? Isn't it correct that you and your then wife Mrs Marcus had already separated a long time ago by the time you wanted to take the baby to Toronto?”

 

Lindsay fidgeted for a second and it almost felt as if she was nervous. “I... I knew that Melanie and I would reconcile. We've had our differences before and we have always reconciled.”

 

“Isn't it correct that your divorce was finalised two days ago?” The DA pressed and all Lindsay could do was nod quietly.

 

“Your honour, can you please advise the witness to speak up?”

“Please answer the question, Mrs Peterson.”

 

“Yes,” Lindsay mumbled, hardly above a whisper.

 

“So you would have been a single parent then just like Mr Kinney is?” The DA continued asking.

“Yes,” Lindsay once again mumbled hardly above a whisper.

 

“Mrs Peterson, you mentioned earlier that you wanted Mr Kinney and Mr Novotny to work through their differences so there would be no tension at family celebrations. Is that correct?”

“Yes,” Lindsay nodded eagerly.

 

“How many family celebrations have you had in your home in Toronto since you have moved there?”

“We have only moved a short while before, so we hadn't really settled in yet.”

“Mrs Peterson, please just answer the question.”

“None,” Lindsay once again mumbled quietly.

 

“How often has Mr Kinney been to Toronto since you have moved there to see his son?”

“He came over once a month before he got pregnant.”

 

“And after he got pregnant?”

“He paid for me and Gus to come and visit him in Pittsburgh since he couldn't fly anymore.”

“And Mr Novotny? How often has he come to Toronto since you have moved there?”

Lindsay avoided the eyes of the DA and pleadingly looked at her attorney who only shrugged his shoulders as if to say that there was nothing he could do and that she had to answer the question.

 

“Not once.”

“Isn't it correct that Mr Novotny is married and he and his husband have adopted a child that used to be their foster child?”

“Yes,” Lindsay agreed.

“So, the loving father from a good family home never managed to fly to Toronto to visit his daughter, but the single father who you said wouldn't be a good enough father to Luke Kinney-Taylor flew over once a month and when he wasn't able to fly anymore paid for plane tickets for you and your son so he could spend time with his child?”

 

“Yes,” Lindsay pressed out reluctantly, knowing how this kind of questioning made her family values look. Like an absolute joke.

 

“Thanks. No more questions, your honour.”

 

The judge then ordered an hour long lunch break before it was time for Michael's testimony.

 

After Michael had been sworn in, the DA pretty much asked him the same questions only focusing more on Michael's role in distracting Brian and how much he knew about Lindsay's plan. At first Michael had tried to play innocent and had argued that he hadn't really known all of Lindsay's plan for the baby, but when the judge reminded him that he was under oath and lying under oath was perjury and when the DA played the tape of Michael's confession on the phone to Brian, he quickly folded in on himself and answered all the DA's questions honestly.

 

Then it was the defense attorney's turn and having learned his lesson from Lindsay's interrogation earlier, he didn't allow Michael to veer off topic too much. A couple of times Michael would pipe up about how much of a club boy Brian was and how he was only interested in drugs and drinking and sex, but he would always be immediately interrupted by the DA and the judge.

 

After an hour the defense attorney was finished with his interrogation and the DA declared that he had a couple more questions.

 

“Mr Novotny, you mentioned earlier that Mr Kinney was a club boy and was only interested in – and I quote: drugs, drinking and sex -. Is that correct?”

“Yes, he is the Stud of Liberty Avenue. That's who he is.”

 

“When is the last time you saw Mr Kinney in any kind of club or bar?”

 

“Well, that must have been when he was pregnant, I think. It's been quite a while, I guess,” Michael answered easily.

“Mr Kinney testified earlier that he hadn't been in any club or bar in almost a year. He only went once to a club called Babylon with you and a couple of your friends, but didn't drink any alcohol as he was already pregnant and he testified under oath that he hadn't been to any club or bar since his son was born. Are you doubting that statement?”

“I wouldn't really know,” Michael started. “We haven't really been hanging out a lot since Brian got pregnant. We had a disagreement.”

“I see. So you can't really judge the life Mr Kinney is living right now and don't have any substantial proof for your claim that he is a club boy.”

 

“Well, it's just who Brian is. He's always been like that and always will be,” Michael announced and he sounded almost smug when he said so.

 

“Mr Novotny, you are the father of a small daughter, isn't that correct? And together with your former partner Mr Benjamin Bruckner you have adopted a son called Hunter, right?”

“Yes,” Michael affirmed.

 

“How often have you been to the gay club called Babylon in the last twelve months?”

“Hmmm, I don't really know. Probably two or three times a week,” Michael guessed.

 

“And to a gay bar called Woodies?”

“Probably the same.”

“So, if we assume you went two to three times a week to a gay bar and a gay club, that would be an estimate of about 150 visits a year. Am I correct?”

Michael's forehead creased and it was obvious to everyone that he was trying to do the maths in his head. In the end he just mumbled. “I guess.”

 

“Would you consider yourself a club boy?”

“Me? No, I am a respectable family man. My husband is a professor at Carnegie-Mellon and I own a business. We also have a family.”

 

“I see. You go to bars and clubs about 150 times a year and don't consider yourself a club boy. Please explain to me how a man who hasn't been in any club or bar in the last twelve months would be considered a club boy instead?” The DA asked seriously and to Brian it almost seemed as if Michael started to sweat.

 

“Well, that's different,” Michael started to stammer, but was stopped by the DA.

 

“No more questions, your honour.”

 

When Michael still continued to talk on, the judge ordered him to be silent or he would be in contempt of court.

 

In the following two days more testimonies were heard. The FBI agents involved in the case presented their views, a biologist came in to explain the DNA test and its result, the TSA agent and the officers from the airport gave their statements about how Lindsay and Brian had acted that day and in the end Carl and Ted had to give statements as they had been at the airport as well, if only in a smaller capacity.

 

Once all the testimonies had been heard, the lawyers gave their final statements to the jury and once again summarized the results of the trial and the outcome they were hoping for. In the end the judge left the jury with the jury instructions and the jury was sent off for deliberations.

 

The gang left the court house and had just settled down for a late lunch at a restaurant not far away from the courthouse when the District Attorney gave them a call and informed them that jury deliberations were over and the jury had come to an agreement.

 

“Wow, that was fast. They have been gone what... hardly an hour?” Ted mused and Brian could only nod, wondering if that was a good thing or not.

 

“Well, those two are guiltier than guilty, so I am not surprised they reached a verdict quickly,” Jennifer said quietly, as everyone got up again and left the restaurant to quickly make their way back to the courthouse.

 

“We can only hope they reached the right verdict,” Brian muttered darkly, not able to avoid going back to another time when a verdict should have been clearer than clear and in the end had not been.

 

“Brian,” Jennifer said quietly, squeezing the man's arm, obviously having known where his thoughts had gone. “This is different.”

“How?”

 

“It just is,” she said seriously, not allowing Brian's dark mood to take over. “It just has to be,” she muttered more to herself than to him which resulted in him squeezing her arm in return. She smiled at him gratefully as they made their way back to their seats.

 

Michael and Lindsay were already sitting at their table with their lawyer, heads bowed together in deep discussion. Brian could also see Debbie and Carl back in their places and he could see what looked like Carl trying to placate an irate Debbie. For a second he wondered what was going on there, but then he didn't really care enough and turned back to the District Attorney who was speaking to their group quietly.

He assured them that a quick jury verdict was probably a good sign and with the evidence they had had he had no doubt that Lindsay and Michael would be found guilty.

Brian hoped against hope that the man was right and he wouldn't be disappointed by the justice system once again. He wasn't sure what he would do if Michael and Lindsay were to walk free after trying to abduct his son and take him away from him. He would not be responsible for his actions.

 

After about five minutes of waiting the judge entered the room and asked for the jury to be led back into the room. He asked the foreman of the jury if a verdict had been reached which the foreman confirmed.

 

The verdict was then handed to the judge who read and checked it quickly, before he nodded to confirm that everything was in order.

 

He then addressed the defendants and lawyers as well as the witnesses in the courtroom. “There will be no outbursts while the verdicts are being read. Any person disobeying will be held in contempt of court.”

 

A heavy silence settled over the court as the judge cleared his throat and started reading.

“In the case of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania against Lindsay Peterson on the charges of abduction of a minor over state lines, perjury and forgery of documents, a jury of her peers has found the defendant guilty on all accounts.”

Brian let out a sigh of relief, not realising that he had been holding his breath the whole time the judge had spoken. He felt relief sweep through him at knowing that Lindsay would be punished for what she had done to him and his son.

 

Everyone around him clapped him on his back in silent gestures of support and Jennifer was nodding as if in approval of what the judge had said.

Lindsay's shocked gasp could be heard, but she was quickly quieted down by her lawyer who warned her to stay quiet and not have an outburst in front of the jury and the judge.

 

“In the case of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania against Michael Charles Novotny on the charges of being an accessory to the abduction of a minor over state lines and perjury, a jury of his peers has found the defendant guilty on all accounts.”

Once again Brian let go of a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding and sighed in relief. As Jennifer turned to him to tell him that they had won and justice had been served, a loud cry from Debbie could be heard all throughout the courtroom, turning everyone's attention to the redhead who had jumped up from her seat and was angrily pointing her finger at the jury.

 

“WHAT? How dare you? How can you do this to my baby? He's innocent,” she yelled at them, before the judge angrily announced that she had to quiet down as he wouldn't allow any further outbursts in his courtroom.

Carl quickly pulled her out of the courtroom, even though it was obvious that Debbie was struggling against him, the whole time yelling for her baby's innocence.

 

After Debbie had been pulled out of the room, things quieted down again and the judge announced that he would confirm the sentences the next day at 9am.

 

He then dismissed the jury, thanking them for their service and left the room.

Michael and Lindsay were led out of the room as if in a daze while Brian's side of the courtroom met in happy hugs and congratulatory claps on the backs. Justice had been served. At least this time.

A few minutes after everything was over the gang left the courtroom, deciding to head to Britin for a celebratory dinner. At first they had wanted to go back to the restaurant they had wanted to go earlier, but Brian had insisted on heading home, not wanting to be away from Luke for longer than was necessary. Everyone just smiled gently and understood where he was coming from, so everyone headed for Britin.

 

The next morning everyone reconvened at the courthouse to hear the judge announce the sentencing and Brian was glad when Debbie didn't spare him and his group a glance as she stomped by. Carl quickly stopped to talk to them, after all he had never had any problems with Brian or anyone in the group and had been involved in the case from day one. They talked for a few minutes, all of them ignoring the glares Debbie was throwing in their direction.

 

“Carl, I am not sure it's a good idea for you to talk to us,” Brian said quietly, even though he was glad for the man coming over and talking to them. He had always liked and respected Carl and felt slightly sorry for his argument with Debbie also having impacted his relationship with Carl.

 

“Don't worry, son. I still decide myself who I want to talk to and Red won't be able to change that, no matter how much she wants to,” Carl said seriously, waving off Brian's concern about causing trouble for the two of them. “She'll just need a bit more time to see what we're all seeing and to accept that Michael isn't as innocent as she'd like him to be.”

Ted could only wonder how much more time Carl was talking about as the abduction had already happened about six months ago, but in the end he could only applaud Carl for his patience. He knew that Carl agreed with them all on Michael's guilt and agreed that Michael deserved whatever was coming his way, so he could only imagine what life for him at Debbie's house was like at the moment.

 

They ended their conversation when the judge entered the room and Carl quickly moved over to his place at Debbie's side, who immediately started berating him for talking to Brian. Carl just ignored her and concentrated on the judge, hoping that Debbie would get the hint, which surprisingly enough she did when the judge banged his gavel.

 

“I won't accept any outbursts while I am announcing the sentences. This is a place of court and it will be treated with the respect it deserves,” the judge announced seriously, throwing a glance in Debbie's direction.

 

He then opened a folder in front of him and announced the sentences.

 

“Lindsay Peterson, I hereby judge you to 17 years in prison for the abduction of a minor across state borders, for the forgery of documents and for perjury. Your sentence will be served at State Correctional Institution – Muncy. You will be transported there immediately after court proceedings have ended here.”

 

A gasp could be heard from Lindsay, who seemed to sink into her seat at hearing the sentence. Brian didn't feel an ounce of pity for her, but just felt a strange sense of satisfaction come over him as he saw her sunken form in her chair. Too late for that, Wendy, he thought bitterly as she hid her head in her hands and seemed to cry.

 

“Michael Charles Novotny, I hereby judge you to 8 years in prison for being an accessory to the abduction of a minor across state borders and for perjury. Your sentence will be served at Federal Correctional Institution, Loretto. You will be transported there immediately after court proceedings have ended here.”

The judge then banged his gavel, got up and left the room. When two security officers came over to put handcuffs on a crying Lindsay and a shell-shocked Michael, Debbie began wailing loudly.

 

“No, no, no! You can't take him away. No! She made him do it, he's innocent. He's my baby. You can't take him away!” She held on to Michael for dear life while Carl talked to her quietly and urged her to let go of her son. This only made her lash out at Carl next to her, but gave the security officers a chance to lead Michael out of the room, after Lindsay who had already been removed a few seconds prior.

 

“No, no, no!” Debbie only wailed again and the group on Brian's side of the courtroom couldn't help but feel slightly sorry for her. They could only imagine how hard this had to be for her, but they all agreed that Michael deserved nothing less for his part in this whole mess.

 

As Carl tried to lead Debbie out of the courtroom, she suddenly broke free of his arms around her and headed straight for Brian, slapping him hard.

“Are you happy now? Are you fucking happy now you son of a bitch?”

Jennifer and Blake immediately stepped between Brian and Debbie and Jennifer's voice was deathly quiet when she spoke. “Don't ever do that again! You want to slap someone, go and slap some sense into that son of yours. He is the one who caused all this mess, not Brian.”

“How dare you?” Debbie seethed, glaring at Jennifer.

 

“Jennifer is right,” Blake quietly agreed. “I get that this is hard for you, Debbie, but Michael brought this upon himself. He willfully committed crimes and now he has to face up to that and pay the price for it.”

 

“You fucking son of a bitch,” Debbie yelled at Blake. “Who are you to talk to me like that, you fucking junkie?”

“Debbie!” An outraged Ted cut in, immediately ready to defend his partner's honour.

“Debbie, calm down,” Carl said sternly, trying to pull Debbie away from the group.

 

“We get that you're angry and hurt, Debbie. We do! But you're looking for blame in the wrong place,” Jennifer said quietly. “There is only one person to blame here and that is your son.”

“How can you be on his side? After everything he has done to Justin? What kind of mother are you?”

“Don't pull Justin into this,” Brian gritted out, ready to lash out himself.

 

“After what he has done to Justin? How dare you speak about things you know nothing about,” Jennifer accused angrily. “All he has ever done is love him. In a completely unselfish way where he loves Justin enough to sacrifice his own happiness, so Justin can get the chance at the life he has always wanted. But you wouldn't know about any of that, would you? You know nothing about unselfish love. You just put a price tag on love and demand payment for everything you ever did.”

 

“This is enough!” Carl interrupted sternly, pushing himself between the two women that looked as if they were ready to lash out at each other with more than words.

 

“I am sorry, Brian. We'll leave now. If you want to press charges for assault, you would be within your rights. Just so you know.”

“What?” An outraged Debbie turned towards her partner. “You're on his side as well?”

“We're leaving now and if Brian wants to press charges for your unprovoked attack on him, you'll just have to deal with that just like your son will have to face up to what he did.”

Not allowing any further comments, Carl pulled a fighting Debbie out of the courtroom after him and left the stunned group on their own.

 

“Did this just happen?” Ted asked, his voice sounding absolutely disbelieving.

 

“Yeah,” Brian said sadly, before he shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Lets get out of here.”

Everyone nodded and then followed Brian out of the courthouse.

 

 

Chapter 24

 

 

After the trial against Lindsay and Michael was over things finally quieted down for Brian and he was finally able to focus on his 'normal' life again or at least what he had considered normal since Luke had been born.

He had finally been able to focus more on Kinnetik again, using the times when his small son was asleep or happily keeping himself occupied with one of his toys to focus on some work. Every once in a while Jennifer or Blake would come by and offer their babysitting services, so Brian could take part in important business calls and meetings at Kinnetik. He didn't want to admit to himself how much he had missed the hustle and bustle of his company. As much as he enjoyed spending time at home with his son, he also enjoyed being a business man. With Jennifer and Blake both only being too eager to take care of Luke every once in a while, Brian had found the perfect mix or so it seemed.

 

Watching Luke grow up had been an incredible joy this last year and especially the last few months had been amazing as far as Brian was concerned. Seeing his son crawl for the first time, hearing him speak his first words or at least make attempts at recognisable words and then seeing him take his first steps had all been incredible milestones. Watching as Luke met each of these milestones, Brian only regretted that he had never been as involved in Gus' early years and had never really cared much about him reaching those milestones. Of course he had cared and had been proud of his son, but it had been different. He had been different back then. Back then he could have never imagined being a full-time father and raising a child and actually loving every minute of it. At times he was still amazed by how he had adapted to his new life. In the beginning he had always told himself that he had adapted because he didn't have any other choice and there was nothing else for him to do, but change and grow up, but the more he watched Luke and saw his milestones, the more he realised that he wanted to be there. He wanted to see his son take his first steps, he wanted to be the proud father that drowned his son in kisses after he had accomplished that large feat.

Many times he thought about how easy it would have been to just hire a full-time nanny and have someone else take care of Luke. Many business owners did that, especially in the WASP nest it was quite common to not raise your kids yourself, but have the help do it, but looking at his smiling son, Brian was glad he had decided against that. He would have missed so many incredible moments with Luke. He would have missed so many happy smiles and ecstatic laughs from his sonny boy, smiles that were addictive and infecting and made him laugh too.

A year and a half ago Brian would have never expected to be as happy as he was now with his new role as a father, but looking back at the last year, he could confirm that he was indeed happy and wouldn't change a thing.

 

Well, that wasn't quite true. If he could change something, he would make sure that he would spend more time with Gus and he would also try to change things between him and Debbie. Not that he would ever admit it to anyone, but he missed the boisterous redhead, he missed her motherly advice and also her hugs that would crush his bones and make him short of breath. He missed having her on his side, he missed their pot sessions when they would get high together and talk about life, but those times were definitely in the past. Ever since Michael's sentencing he had only seen Debbie once and it hadn't been pretty. She still hated him for Michael going to prison and blamed that on him and Brian just didn't feel like letting her get away with that. Yes, he missed her, but not enough to let her get away without accepting Michael's part in everything that had happened. For too many years he had taken the blame for Michael's actions, had protected his friend from having to face the music, but not anymore. Michael was history and sadly so was Debbie. At least until she would see and accept reality and what Michael had done to him.

 

Brian sighed in relief when he heard a car pull up and knew that Ted and Gus were there. Gus was due for one of his scheduled weekend visits and Brian was looking forward to spending a whole weekend with just his two boys. Between Gus and Luke there was just no time to think about the bad things in his life and he could only focus on the good with those two around.

 

Picking up Luke from where he was carefully taking a few wobbly steps along the sofa, Brian went to the door.

 

“Are you ready to say hi to Gus?” Brian asked cheerfully and smiled when Luke's face broke out into a huge grin and he happily clapped his hands, calling for his “'us”.

 

“Yeah, Gus will be with us for the weekend. You like that, don't you?” Brian chuckled as Luke was still clapping in his arms, chanting “'us” again and again.

 

Brian opened the door and looked out for Ted's car, frowning when it was only Ted walking up to the main door, but no Gus in sight. Usually Gus would be running towards him as soon as Ted opened the backdoor.

 

“'us?” Luke asked, seemingly looking around for his older brother.

 

“Yeah, I am confused, too, sonny boy,” Brian agreed as he left a small kiss on Luke's forehead, before he addressed Ted.

“Why are you on your own?”

“I think we should sit down for this conversation, Brian,” Ted said hesitantly and it was obvious to Brian that the older man seemed almost scared.

 

“What is going on? Where is Gus?”

“'us!” Luke excitedly yelled again, looking from his father to Ted and back.

 

“Brian, I think we should really sit down for this,” Ted urged once more, giving Brian a meaningful look.

In the end Brian relented and went back inside the house, leading Ted towards the living-room where they sat down on the sofa, Luke already being distracted by his toys on the floor.

Brian made sure with one last look that Luke was okay and distracted and then turned to Ted angrily. “What the fuck is going on? Why isn't Gus with you?”

 

“Brian, I... Melanie refused to let him come to Pittsburgh.”

“What do you mean refused?” Brian hissed. “We have a custody agreement with a court ordered visitation schedule. She can't refuse.”

 

“She said with Lindsay in prison now, she's Gus' sole custodian and without Lindsay having a chance to interfere, there was no reason for her to play nice with you. She...,” Ted took a deep breath as he held Brian's gaze. “She said she wants to file for sole custody, Brian.”

“That fucking bitch! How dare she?” Brian exploded and Ted wasn't surprised when Luke immediately looked over at his father and eyed him warily, his voice timid when he spoke. “Da da?”

“Brian, stay calm,” Ted said quietly with a pointed look at Luke, before he went over and knelt down in front of the boy, handing him one of the blocks that had fallen away when the tower he had been trying to build had collapsed. “Da da is fine, honey. Don't you worry,” Ted smiled brightly at the small boy who immediately seemed assured by Ted's words and then turned back to his blocks.

 

Ted returned to his seat and eyed Brian warily. It wasn't hard to see how angry his boss and friend was and as far as Ted was concerned rightfully so. As Brian had said, they had a court ordered visitation schedule. As far as he was concerned Melanie needed to abide by that.

 

“How dare she?”

“I don't know,” Ted said solemnly. “I haven't understood her in a long time.”

 

“Why didn't you do anything?” Brian hissed at his CFO and Ted looked at him from wide eyes.

 

“Like what? Call the police and cause a huge scene in front of Gus and JR? Is that what you had in mind?” He angrily replied, not ready to accept any blame from Brian for Melanie's actions.

 

Brian sighed and flopped back on his sofa. “No, I... I don't know... I just... She can't do that. There is no way she can get through with this. Right?” The last word sounded so insecure that Ted's heart almost broke for his friend.

 

He knew how dedicated Brian was to his sons and he knew how Brian had turned into a great father over the last years. He wondered if Brian would ever be allowed to just enjoy being a father or if there would always be something to thwart his happiness. First his relationship with Justin ending because of the pregnancy, then Lindsay's and Michael's machinations which had ended in Luke's abduction and now Melanie refusing to let him see his son.

 

“I don't know,” Ted replied honestly, even though he knew that Brian would want to hear something else.

 

They stayed quiet for several minutes before Brian got a hold of himself and turned his mind to the matter at hand.

“I need you to make an appointment with Watson first thing Monday morning. I will not let her get through with this. I have a right to see Gus and if she wants me to fight for it, then I will,” he announced determinedly.

 

For a second Ted felt relieved. He had been scared that Brian would just up and leave upon hearing the news and would fly to Toronto himself and create a huge scene, but hearing that Brian wanted to go the legal route and wanted to have his lawyer handle this, made him glad. This was probably the best way to handle the situation.

 

Upon hearing the name of his older brother, Luke crawled over to where his father and Ted were sitting and pulled himself up by holding onto Brian's long legs. The small boy stood in front of his father and looked at him from bright, blue eyes. “'us?” He asked once more, having heard his brother's name and wanting to see him.

 

Brian picked up his son and hugged him close. “Not this weekend, sonny boy. I am sorry.”

 

As if sensing Brian's mood and as if understanding the meaning of Brian's words, Luke started to look incredibly sad and leaned into his father for comfort. Brian hugged the boy close and held on for dear life, taking comfort in the presence of at least one of his sons.

 

***

 

Watson had filed for an emergency hearing right away on Monday morning after Brian and Ted had met with him, Ted giving a detailed account of what Melanie had said and what had happened when he had come by to pick up Gus.

 

The hearing had been scheduled for the Thursday of that week and Brian hoped that by the next weekend the situation would be resolved and he would see his sonny boy again.

 

Brian hadn't been surprised when Melanie hadn't appeared at the hearing herself, but just her legal representation had shown up. For a moment he wondered if she knew that what she had done was wrong and that she would lose, but then he realised that she probably just had to stay in Toronto with the kids and couldn't just up and leave for a hearing on such short notice.

 

“Please present your case, Mr Watson,” the judge ordered Brian's lawyer and Watson described the previous custody issues, the previous hearing and the court decision which granted Brian visitation. He also presented the visitation schedule as had been approved at the time and presented how the visitation usually worked with Ted picking up Gus and bringing him back to Toronto. In the end he described the events of the previous Friday in great detail and pointed out how Melanie had broken the custody agreement by not handing over Gus as agreed previously.

 

The judge listened to everything and then demanded that Melanie's lawyer present their side of the story.

 

Her lawyer pointed out how the situation had changed since the previous hearing, how with Lindsay's long prison sentence the circumstances had changed dramatically and how Melanie was now the sole guardian of Gus and wanted to file for sole custody of him, making sure that Brian would no longer have access to him. To support that point, the lawyer presented papers in which Melanie demanded sole custody for Gus without visitation for Brian. Brian was fuming when he was handed the papers, but he knew better than to make a scene right then and there. Watson had warned him that he would need to stay calm under all circumstances as anything else would hurt his chances of seeing Gus.

 

The judge looked at the papers and frowned. “You are asking to refute Mr Kinney's visitation on the grounds of him being an unfit parent?”

 

“Yes, your honour. Mr Kinney is a well known guest in different establishments on Liberty Avenue and he even owns a gay night club himself. It is well known that he drinks a lot and takes drugs and his sexual prowess is well-documented. Mrs Marcus doesn't feel like a person like that is the right influence for her son.”

“Your honour, Mr Kinney is a dedicated father to his younger son and hasn't visited any of these establishments in over a year. Yes, he owns a gay night club, but he is a business man. Owning a night club is not a crime and local police will confirm that the club has cleaned up its reputation since Mr Kinney has bought it. Clearly we can't revoke visitation on the grounds of a wild past. We should judge a person by their present behaviour.”

 

Melanie's lawyer contradicted. “Your honour, Mr Kinney has been under investigation from Child Protective Services before for child neglect and endangerment. Clearly a dubious character like that shouldn't be allowed around an already traumatised boy who has lost his mother recently.”

“His mother is serving a long prison sentence and yes, that would be traumatising for any child. Especially under these circumstances we should make sure that the constants in Gus' life don't change. He is very close to his father and loves him a lot. Shouldn't we ensure that Gus doesn't lose another parental figure? As for the Child Protective Services investigation, those have been confirmed to be incorrect claims by Mrs Peterson and Mr Novotny, who in the meantime have been sentenced to long prison sentences for the abduction of Mr Kinney's younger son Luke. The investigation cleared Mr Kinney of all doubts and declared him to be a fit parent,” Watson fired back, glaring at Melanie's lawyer.

 

The judge listened to both sides for another half an hour, before he ended the hearing. “I won't be able to make a decision right away. I'll have to take a look at the report from Child Protective Services and I also demand a psychological evaluation of Gus Peterson Marcus. I want to know how the boy would be affected by whatever decision I am going to make. We'll reconvene next Wednesday for a decision,” the judge announced and then the meeting was over.

 

After everyone had cleared the room and it was just Brian and his lawyer left, he turned to Watson with a confused look. “Is that good or bad?”

“I think it's good for us,” Watson declared.

“Why?”

“The psychologist will probably declare that Gus can't lose another familiar parental figure at this point in his life and because of him constantly visiting you in the last year, that's exactly what you are. He knows you as his father and as such he can't lose you so shortly after losing his mother. Every psychologist will attest to that, I am sure.”

 

“What about the things they said about my past?” Brian frowned, not liking that his old lifestyle might cost him the chance to see his son regularly.

 

“Just as I said, that's the past. The judge shouldn't focus on that too much. We'll get a couple of statements from your family and friends to confirm that you've changed your life and are a dedicated father and together with the results from the Child Protective Services report, we should have this in the bag.”

“Are you sure? I mean... Melanie is a family lawyer herself. She wouldn't have gone down this road if she wasn't sure she could win,” Brian pointed out, knowing that he was right. Melanie had always been a good lawyer.

 

“Brian, let me ask you something. How far are you willing to go with this?”

“As far as I need to go to get to see Gus again,” Brian declared hotly.

 

“This might get nasty, next week. Are you prepared for that?”

“What do you mean nasty?” Brian asked, not quite sure that he was following.

 

“If they are bringing up your past, they might actually present a body from your basement or two. We can't say for sure, but that's what I would do if I were them. Make you look so bad that it doesn't matter how much you have changed. Destroy you completely and that's how they will win.”

“But, what can we do?”

“Brian, we destroy her as well.”

“How?”

“How is she financing her life in Toronto? She can't practice law, the best she can do with her law degree is work as a paralegal. I doubt that she has already passed the Canadian bar. I did some research and she would have to take classes for at least a year and then pass the bar. How would she pay for those classes if she is not working? She has to raise two children. Now on her own without Lindsay to help financially. Children are expensive, especially toddlers like her daughter. That is our way to destroy her,” Watson explained quietly.

 

“I... I don't know,” Brian stammered, he wasn't sure if he wanted to go down that road.

 

“Brian, this is only our last resort. I have a pretty good feeling about our case without going down this road, but whatever they will present at the hearing next week, I need to know how far you're willing to go to get Gus back.”

 

“I will do whatever needs to be done, but only if needed,” Brian said determinedly. In the end this was about Gus and what was best for him and Brian agreed that it couldn't be good for the boy to lose his father at the same time as his mother. That had already been hard enough on the boy and Gus had been quite distraught at times during his last few visits when he had particularly missed Lindsay. He would do whatever he could to make sure that his sonny boy wouldn't also lose him at the same time.

 

“Alright. I'll schedule a meeting for Tuesday, so we can prepare for the hearing then.”

Brian nodded and then left the courtroom. Damn, how much time had he spent in courtrooms recently?

 

***

 

Brian was fuming as he listened to what Melanie's lawyer was presenting to the judge. He couldn't believe she had really gone that far to discredit him.

“We have a sworn testimony from Kip Thomas that Mr Kinney demanded sexual favours from him as payment for a promotion he has promised to Mr Thomas.”

 

Thankfully Brian had been honest with Watson from the very beginning and had mentioned all possible angles they could aim for and they had been prepared for this case.

 

Watson immediately got up to defend his client. “Mr Thomas has been fired from two other jobs for accusing superiors of sexually assaulting him in exchange for promised promotions. In Mr Kinney's case he even rescinded his claims and the case never made it in front of a jury. It is obvious that Mr Thomas was using Mr Kinney to get ahead at Vanguard Advertising. We have sworn statements from Mr Kinney and Mrs Cynthia Moore, who was Mr Kinney's assistant at the time, confirming that a sexual encounter took place, but that it was a mutual decision and the offer of a promotion had never been on the table. The case is that Mr Kinney told Mr Thomas that he wasn't ready yet for a promotion and needed more time in the company to get ahead and it is quite obvious that just like in his other two jobs where he was fired for the same behaviour, Mr Thomas was not happy about not being promoted.”

 

The hearing went on for another half an hour and Brian couldn't tell if it was going well or not. He had a feeling that it was going okay, that Watson had been able to fight back against all claims from Melanie's lawyer, but he was no judge and couldn't be sure. He hoped that Watson was right and that the report from Child Protective Services would work in his favour. He was grateful for Ted and Blake and Jennifer for once again giving statements on his behalf and hoped they would help his case as well.

 

As the hearing was nearing its end, Watson asked for a couple more minutes which the judge granted.

 

“Your honour, we have one last thing we'd like to point out before you make your decision. As we've previously established Mr Kinney is a business owner. He doesn't only own the gay nightclub called Babylon, but he also owns Kinnetik, the city's biggest and most successful advertising agency. An agency that is in the top five in the country at the moment. Mr Kinney lives in a mansion on the border between West Virginia and Pennsylvania and has a huge property there. As for Mrs Marcus, after her move to Toronto, she hasn't been able to work as a lawyer. She would have to take the Canadian bar which would require her to take legal classes. At best she can work as a paralegal at the moment. Without Mrs Peterson adding to the family income any longer, we would like her representation to explain to us how Mrs Marcus intends to raise two children on her own. How is she going to pay for clothes, food, school supplies and everything else Gus and her daughter will need? So far Mr Kinney has provided a substantial amount of alimony for his son, but if Mrs Marcus intends to raise Gus on her own, that alimony money won't be available to her any longer. My client is concerned about Gus' standard of living and we'd like representation to explain to us how she intends to finance her life in Canada.”

Brian eyed Watson warily, wondering if he had felt that their case was going that badly that he needed to go down this road. After all Brian had only agreed to this line of argument if needed. Did Watson really feel that it was needed?

“Very well,” the judge agreed and pointed to Melanie's lawyer. “Please inform us of your client's means to support two children.”

 

Melanie's lawyer looked quite shocked and baffled for a minute and was eagerly looking through some of his papers.

 

“Is that a problem?” The judge asked after a couple of minutes.

 

“Uhm... no, of course not.” The lawyer stammered before he handed a paper to the judge, hanging his head as if in defeat. “Here is my client's latest bank statement, your honour.”

“I see...,” the judge nodded and perused the statement with a frown on his face.

 

“Mr Kinney has been transferring 5000 US Dollar a month in alimony?” The judge asked and when Melanie's lawyer stayed quiet, it was Watson who replied.

 

“Yes, your honour.”

 

“Alright,” the judge sighed and frowned at Melanie's lawyer. “To be honest, I don't quite see how your client wants to support herself and two children with her income and without the alimony money from Mr Kinney.”

 

“Your honour, my client is in the process of working on taking her bar and would then be able to work as a full-time lawyer again.”

“Full-time? And who would take care of the children?” Watson asked, feeling his chance come.

 

“Well, there is daycare and school,” Melanie's lawyer replied vaguely.

 

“Your honour. Mr Kinney owns two businesses. As the owner of these businesses he can make his own schedule. For the last twelve months he has been working from home while raising his infant son. Seeing how Mr Kinney is clearly better suited to take care of Gus than Mrs Marcus would be, not only financially speaking, but also concerning the time that either parent could actually spend with the boy, we are actually filing for sole custody for Gus Peterson Marcus. Mr Kinney is Gus' biological father, his only available biological parent at the moment. He has been very involved in Gus' life in recent years and Gus has spent considerable time at Mr Kinney's mansion in West Virginia with him and his younger son whom Gus rightfully considers to be his baby brother. Everyone Gus considers family lives in Pittsburgh, while Mrs Marcus doesn't have any family in Toronto and would be raising Gus without him being close to his family. We ask you to take all this into account when you make a decision, your honour, but at this point I am sure we can all agree that Mr Kinney would be better suited to raise Gus than Mrs Marcus.”

 

Brian just gaped open-mouthed at Watson, wondering what had just happened. They had not talked about that. They had talked about how far Brian had been willing to go to see Gus, but going for sole custody? Brian couldn't help but wonder if this bold move wouldn't turn out to be absolutely crazy and bury all his chances of ever seeing his son again. He could only hope that Watson knew what he was doing.

 

“Is there anything else you'd like to add?” The judge directed at Melanie's lawyer, who seemed just as surprised by Watson's move as Brian did.

 

“Your honour, Mrs Marcus might not be the boy's biological mother, but she has raised him all his life. She is his sole guardian at the moment since Mr Kinney signed over his rights to Gus to her years ago. As his mother, we feel that she will always be best suited to raise Gus and taking into account Mr Kinney's lifestyle, we ask you to grant Mrs Marcus sole custody of the boy.”

 

The judge nodded as the lawyer had finished and announced a two hour recess so he could come to a decision.

After he had left the courtroom, Brian turned on Watson. “What the fuck was that about?”

“Don't worry, I know what I am doing,” Watson just replied calmly, putting some files in his briefcase.

 

“Sole custody? Are you crazy? He will never go for that.”

“Brian, trust me on this, okay? I saw an opening and I took it. You'll be thanking me when he grants you custody.”

 

“How can you be so sure? What if you just totally blew my chances of ever seeing my son again?” Brian lamented, not liking what Watson had done.

 

Watson looked at the man by his side imploringly. “Brian, this is my job. I've been doing it for a long time and just like you are good in your job, I am good in my job. I know what I am doing. I know when a chance presents itself and I went for it and took that chance. Don't worry, we will win!”

 

Brian only hoped that Watson was actually right.

 

***

 

Two hours later the judge arrived back in the courtroom on time and started to announce his decision.

 

“This hasn't been an easy case. There have been many different angles to look at and for many reasons this case has been quite unique. I have read all the evidence, statements by witnesses and files from Child Protective Services. Most of all however, I have read the report from the psychologist that sat with Gus and talked to him. His report makes it quite obvious that Gus has a strong bond with Mr Kinney and that not being allowed to see Mr Kinney will harm his development in more ways than one.

Based on that report, I was ready to reinstall Mr Kinney's visitation. However now petitions for sole custody have been filed from both involved parties, which only made the case harder to decide. We are talking about the life of a small child here, a child that is dependent on the adults in his life to take care of him in the best way possible.

 

I have taken a look at the financial statements, at the living arrangements and the professional lives of both parties and in the end could only come to one decision: I will grant sole custody of Gus Peterson Marcus to Mr Brian Kinney.”

Brian just shook his head in disbelief, not able to grasp what the judge had said. “Sole custody for Gus?” he whispered and eyed Watson, who just smirked at him in an 'I told you so'-way.

 

Seeing the dejected look on Melanie's lawyer's face, the judge went on to explain his decision.

 

“I have no doubt that Mrs Marcus loves Gus very much. That is out of the question. However, looking at her current financial situation it is obvious how much she relies on the alimony money from Mr Kinney. Without that money, I can't see how she can support herself and two children. As for her taking classes and then becoming a full-time lawyer again, I admire her for taking that step, but under the current circumstances where Gus has already lost his mother, he needs a parent that is there and can take care of him and his needs. Working as a paralegal and taking classes at the same time, wouldn't leave much time for raising two children, one of whom is still a toddler. I fear that Gus would end up with less attention than he would if he were to live with Mr Kinney who is working from home and can make time for his sons whenever he wants.”

 

Brian saw Watson nod and still couldn't believe that this had actually worked out.

 

“The new custody arrangement will come into effect starting next week. Mr Kinney will be Gus' sole custodian, however I hope that you'll find a way to figure out a visitation schedule for Mrs Marcus. It wouldn't do to have Gus lose his second mother either.”

Brian nodded, seeing the sense in that statement and vowed to himself that he would work something out with Melanie. If only for Gus' sake. Gus. Gus would come and live with him and Luke at Britin. Wow! Brian couldn't believe it.

 

The judge ended the hearing and Watson and Melanie's lawyer exchanged some papers and agreed to meet the following day to work out the details of the new agreement.

 

“Oh my god, Brian! This is wonderful!” Ted exclaimed and engulfed Brian in a tight hug. “I can't believe it!”

Brian frowned and felt utterly confused. Ted? When had he gotten there?

“I got here about half an hour ago. I wanted to know what the judge decided and wanted to be here in case you needed some comfort... you know?” Ted blushed, feeling ashamed that he hadn't trusted in Brian to win this. But he had just thought that the judge would decide in Melanie's favour. Didn't judges always decide in favour of the mother? “But wow, this is amazing. You must be so ecstatic!”

 

Brian only nodded and then a smile broke out on his face as the news finally sunk in. “Yeah, yeah. It's amazing. Sonny boy is coming home.”

 

Ted clapped Brian's shoulder and then announced that they needed to celebrate this. “Jennifer will be so ecstatic. And I can't wait to tell Blake. He was hoping so desperately for a good outcome.”

 

“Okay,” Brian just agreed and allowed Ted to lead him out of the courtroom. He seriously hoped that this would be the last time he would have to be in a courthouse for a long time to come.

 

 

Chapter 25

 

Four days later on Sunday, Brian was on his way to Melanie's house in Toronto to pick up Gus. It had been almost a month since he had last seen his sonny boy and he couldn't wait to hold him in his arms again.

 

Ted was by his side, having offered to join him on what he could only imagine would be a tense meeting with Melanie. Luke had stayed at Britin with Jennifer who had offered to watch him in Brian's absence. At first Brian had been reluctant to leave Luke at Britin without him being there, but he had quickly agreed with everyone that taking Luke to Toronto was not an option. Everyone could easily imagine how tense things would get and that was no place for a small toddler. Having him stay behind at home was better than dragging him on a plane to Toronto and bringing him into the mess they were clearly about to enter.

 

They pulled up in front of Melanie's house with their rental, ready to pick up Gus and his things.

 

After the second ring the door was finally opened by Melanie who only glared at them in open hostility.

 

“I don't want any trouble, Melanie,” Brian began quietly, not wanting to make this any harder than it needed to be on Gus.

 

“You have been nothing but trouble ever since you showed up in my life,” she angrily spat at him, the hostility never leaving her voice. “Are you happy now?”

“Melanie,” Ted tried to calm her, but it was to no avail.

 

“You've finally done it. You've finally destroyed my family. Are you happy now?”

 

“I didn't destroy anything,” Brian replied calmly, not wanting to take her accusations like that without at least defending himself.

 

“Of course you did! You couldn't leave her alone, had to string her along and now look where she is. Paying for her infatuation for you.”

“She kidnapped my son, Melanie. She fucking took away my baby. How would you feel?”

 

“You drove her to this. And Michael as well. Now my daughter will grow up without a father. My son will grow up without a mother. You have destroyed my life, you fucking bastard. I hope you feel proud.”

“Melanie, you are being unfair here,” Ted said calmly, not feeling like Brian deserved all the blame she was putting on him. “Lindsay and Michael made their own decisions.”

 

“Yeah, he must pay you very good, Ted, for you to be on his side instead of mine.”

 

“There are no sides here, Melanie and I am not on anyone's side.”

“Of course you are not. It's just pure coincidence that Brian throws his money at you and suddenly you are his best friend. I hope it's worth it, Ted. He'll only destroy your life as well.”

“I didn't ask for any of this,” Brian hissed at her. “I never asked for any of this to happen. I lost my two best friends as well, you know?”

 

“Yeah, spare me the bullshit. You never cared for anyone but yourself. So forgive me for not believing that you care about anything but yourself.”

“Look, I don't have to listen to this bullshit,” Brian started, but was interrupted by Ted, who laid a calming hand on his arm.

 

“We're only here to pick up Gus. That's all,” the accountant said quietly.

 

“Yeah, taking away my wife and the father of my daughter wasn't already enough. You had to take away my son as well,” Melanie hissed at Brian with pure venom in her voice.

 

“You started this. This would have never happened if you had just allowed him to come down for his visits,” Brian said seriously, before he stopped himself from saying more as he saw Gus appear in the doorway behind Melanie.

 

“Daddy?”

“Hey sonny boy, how are you?”

“Daddy?” The boy asked in obvious disbelief, his eyes about to pop out. “You're really here, Daddy? Really?”

“Yes, sonny boy. I am really here,” Brian confirmed as he was met by a bundle of six year old Gus that had run straight towards him and was hugging Brian's waist tight.

“I missed you, Daddy. So much. I wanted to come and visit you, but mama said you were too busy with Luke to take care of me,” the small boy announced sadly and Brian could only glare at Melanie who still stood close by. His eyes clearly spoke of his disbelief that she would say something like that to his son.

 

“No, sonny boy. I would never be too busy for you. Ever! You and Luke are the most important people in my life and I'll always make time for you.”

 

“Is Luke here, too?”

“No, he's waiting at home with Grandma Jen. They're waiting for us to come back.”

“Come back? I will go to Britin with you?” Gus asked with big, happy eyes.

 

Ted threw Melanie a disbelieving glare, not able to believe that she hadn't told Gus what was happening.

 

Brian swallowed down his anger and any possible comments he had for Melanie, not wanting to create a scene in front of his son.

 

“Yes, we'll go home, sonny boy. You, me and Uncle Teddy.”

“YAY!” Gus exclaimed happily and Brian felt a small smile creep up on his face at Gus' obvious excitement about spending time with him.

 

“How about you and Uncle Ted go up to your room and pack some of your things, huh? Make sure you bring all your favourite toys and clothes, alright? I'll speak with your mama in the meantime.”

 

Gus nodded eagerly, then grabbed Ted's hand and pulled him inside the house towards his room, not noticing the tension between the adults. As Ted was pulled away by Gus he managed to throw Brian a warning glance, urging him to not lose it with Gus in the house.

 

Brian nodded in acknowledgment and then turned to Melanie with a glare that would have made stronger people crumble.

 

“How could you not tell him? What the fuck is your problem?”

“You are my problem. You are! You tell him yourself that you made sure I can't see him again. You are so big on taking responsibility for one's actions now, how about you take responsibility for this, asshole?”

 

“Of course you can see him,” Brian said seriously. “We'll just have to work out a visitation schedule and then you can come and see him.”

Melanie only snorted at that. “You think I want to be at your beck and call until he turns 18? Forget about it, Kinney. The sooner you're out of my life, the better.”

“Melanie?”

“You take him and leave here, you will have to explain to him why I am not in his life anymore.”

 

“What are you talking about? You are his mother. I might not like that, but you are.”

“You have destroyed my life. You have taken everything I have ever held dear. I will not be at your mercy where Gus is concerned. You take him and we're done. At least JR and I will have a chance to move on from all this mess you've made my life.”

“You are his mother, how can you do this?” Brian asked in obvious disbelief, angrily shaking his head over and over.

 

“I will pick up JR from her play date now. I'll be gone for about an hour. By the time I get back, I want you gone and then I want to never hear from you ever again.”

“You're not even going to say goodbye to him?” Brian couldn't believe how Melanie could be so cold and uncaring. She didn't even look as if she cared at all that she was giving up her son completely.

 

“One hour,” was all Melanie said, then she grabbed her car keys from the small table next to the door and left the house, leaving Brian to stare after her dumbfounded.

 

45 minutes later Brian and Ted had packed most of Gus' clothes and toys and his personal belongings and were heading back to Pittsburgh. Gus had asked about Melanie twice, wanting to say goodbye to his mother, but Brian had told him that she had needed to go and pick up JR from her play date and couldn't wait. He would see her again soon. Brian just couldn't bring himself to tell Gus the truth yet, even though he knew that at one point he would have to. He just had no idea how to.

 

 

Chapter 26

 

 

Brian woke up when he felt something pull at his hand. He frowned for a second and was about to turn around when he heard a small voice call out to him. “Daddy?” The voice was hardly above a whisper and sounded insecure.

Forcing himself to wake up, Brian slowly opened an eye and saw Gus standing at the side of his bed.

 

“Hey sonny boy, what is it?”

“I... I am sorry, Daddy,” Gus said quietly, not meeting Brian's eyes.

 

“Sorry? For what?” Brian quickly threw a glance at his alarm clock on his nightstand and sighed when he saw that it was only 3am. “Why are you up at this time of the night?”

“Don't be angry, Daddy,” Gus pleaded with his father as he slowly met his eyes, fear easy to see in his own big, expressive brown eyes.

“I won't be angry, Gus. You know that! But you'll have to tell me what is going on,” Brian urged his son as he slowly sat up and patted the empty space next to him on his bed, urging Gus to come over. When the boy only shook his head and refused to come over, Brian got an idea about what might be going on. After all it had happened three times already in the last week.

“Did you have another accident, sonny boy?” Brian asked as gently as he could muster at that time of the night and sighed to himself when Gus nodded, not saying anything. Leaning over to his small son, Brian put a finger under Gus' chin and made him look him in the eyes.

“Don't worry about it. We'll just get you cleaned up and into some new pajamas and then you can sleep here with me for the rest of the night. Okay?”

Gus nodded, his face slightly cheering up at the prospect of being allowed to sleep in his father's bed. “Okay, daddy.”

“Come on then,” Brian said as he grabbed Gus' hand and pulled the boy into his private en-suite where he got him out of his wet pajama and cleaned him up, before quickly getting a new one from Gus' room and dressing Gus in it. After about ten minutes the boy looked as good as new and even laughed when Brian tickled his stomach, before he picked his son up and held him close. “You don't have to be scared, okay? You just tell me and then it'll be fine. There's nothing that can't be cleaned up, alright?”

“Okay,” Gus whispered quietly, leaning closer into his father's strong chest.

 

Brian carried Gus over to his bed and laid him down on it, before climbing in himself and lying down next to Gus. He pulled the blanket up to cover them both and then held his sonny boy close.

 

“Did you have a nightmare, sonny boy?”

When Gus shook his head, Brian frowned and wondered why his son had wet the bed. It had already been the fourth time and after the first time he had assumed that Gus had to have had a nightmare which the boy hadn't contradicted at the time. When it had happened the second time, Brian had talked to Jennifer, who had advised him to get a plastic cover for the mattress as not to mess up the mattress of Gus's bed. Brian had listened to her and had bought the plastic cover, which was why he didn't care that much about Gus' little accident. He would just change the sheets tomorrow and get the cover cleaned up and then Gus' bed would be as good as new again.

 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, daddy,” Gus said quietly, not looking at Brian when he spoke.

 

The last two weeks had been hard for Gus and Brian had seen how much his son had suffered from the loss of his mothers. He had a hard time understanding why Lindsay was gone and couldn't come and see him anymore and Brian, with Blake's help had tried to explain to Gus as well as he could that his mother had done something bad and that the police had caught her doing it and now she had been punished and was in a prison. Gus hadn't quite been able to understand why she would do something bad if she knew the police were looking for bad people, but in the end Brian had only told him that he didn't understand either. He had also wondered what exactly Melanie had told Gus about Lindsay not seeing him any longer, but he didn't want to hurt Gus any more than he already was by getting into that in too much detail. He knew he had explained to Gus before about Lindsay having done something bad, but apparently it hadn't really been clear to his young son that that meant he wouldn't see his mother for a long time to come. Hopefully they had gotten through to Gus a bit more this time.

 

It had been harder to explain to the boy why Melanie wasn't there anymore or why Gus wasn't going back to her again. If Melanie was not in prison and could come and see him, why didn't she? Gus had asked that again and again and Brian couldn't fault his son for that logic. It just didn't make sense.

 

After their less than pleasant encounter in Toronto Brian had tried to contact her again twice, had wanted to convince her that even though Gus was now living with him, she could still be a part of his life, but Melanie had just ignored his calls. When Ted had had enough of her behaviour and had flown to Toronto to confront her in person, he had found her house empty and had been informed by a neighbour that Melanie and JR had left Toronto. As far as the neighbour knew, she had mentioned something about going to Florida to be closer to her family. Ted couldn't believe it. How could Melanie just leave without giving them contact details? She was Gus mother and he just couldn't understand how she could leave the boy behind like that. He had been beyond angry and hadn't looked forward to giving Brian the news of Melanie leaving for Florida.

 

Brian had taken it quite hard and even harder after he had told Gus that Melanie wasn't living in their house in Toronto anymore and had moved away. Seeing his small son cry for his mother, seeing him hurt and in pain broke Brian. Ever since he had become a father all he had wanted to do was be different than his parents. All he had wanted to do was be a good father and make his children happier than could be and now, due to no fault of his own his son was suffering and in pain. It made Brian angrier than he had been in a long time and if Melanie had been anywhere near, he would have probably killed her with his bare hands for all the pain she had caused his son.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Brian asked, not able to believe that he had actually asked that question. Asking someone if they wanted to talk? Even if it was his son that sentence still felt strange to him.

 

“Are you angry, daddy?” Gus asked when he raised his head to look at Brian.

“No, I am not angry, sonny boy. I told you. I just want to try and help.”

 

“I don't want you to leave as well,” Gus whispered before tears spilled from his eyes and he hiccupped in Brian's arms.

 

“Leave? What are you talking about?” He asked gently, carefully wiping the tears from Gus' face.

 

“Mommy and Mama left. I don't want you to leave me as well. I am sorry I wet the bed again, I won't do it again, but please, daddy, please don't leave as well.”

Brian's heart broke when he heard his son's plea and he didn't quite know how to respond to that. How could Gus ever think that Brian would leave him? Brian could only wonder how much damage the recent months had done to his small, innocent boy.

 

“Gus,” Brian replied with a voice that sounded as heavy as his heart felt. “I will never leave you. You hear me? Nothing you could do would ever make me leave you. Nothing! I love you and I will always love you and Luke and I will always be by your side, you hear me? Britin is your home now and there is no way I won't be here with you.”

 

“Mommy and Mama left. You can't leave as well,” Gus only hiccuped again and again and Brian felt his heart break at his son's tears. He pulled the boy close and held him tight, constantly promising him that nothing would make him leave his son's side.

 

After about thirty minutes of crying, Gus had finally fallen asleep in Brian's arms and Brian lay awake for a long time just watching his boy, wondering what he could do to help him make it through this.

 

***

 

“Wow, you look like shit, if you don't mind me saying,” Jennifer greeted Brian as he opened the door for her. She had a flight to New York later that day for Justin's first solo show and had wanted to come and see her grandsons before she left. She had also wanted to check in on Brian, knowing how affected he was by Gus' suffering. The poor boy had been struggling with all the changes that had happened in his young life and she knew that Brian hurt for him. If there was any way to change things, she knew Brian would do so immediately.

 

“And you look as lovely as ever,” Brian snarked before he led her inside to the living-room where Luke and Gus were busy building towers with the pillows from the sofa, laughing themselves silly every time a tower collapsed.

“Grandma Jen,” Gus happily exclaimed and ran over to her, hugging her tight.

 

Jennifer smiled at the boy and hugged him back, ruffling his auburn hair that was the exact same shade as his father's hair. “Hey, Gus. How are you doing?”

 

“Okay,” Gus mumbled, only letting go of Jennifer when Luke loudly demanded that his grandmother also pay attention to him.

 

Jennifer, being the happy grandmother that she was, obliged of course and also hugged Luke close, who giggled madly when she ruffled his hair as well.

 

She watched as Brian tiredly plopped down on the sofa and could easily see how tired and exhausted he was. Wanting to give him some time to himself, she took one hand of each boy and led them towards the kitchen.

 

“How about we make some cookies? I don't want you to starve while I am gone and we all know your daddy doesn't know how to make cookies,” she said happily, smiling to herself when Brian complained about her claiming that he couldn't make cookies.

 

Brian's complaint made Gus chuckle and a smile broke out on his face. “You are silly, daddy.”

“Thank you, but just so you know: I can make cookies. I just don't see the point,” Brian informed his son, before he threw Jennifer a grateful glance and watched her lead his sons away. He didn't even mind that the cookies would probably be as sugary and unhealthy as could be. If Jennifer could bring a smile to his son's face, he would gladly accept that.

While his sons were busy baking with their grandmother, he took a quick nap. Over the last year he had become a master at making the most of every few minutes he had to himself and after his nap which could have hardly been longer than 45 minutes he felt as new.

 

When he entered the kitchen he saw that the cookies were about to be ready and he smiled when Gus asked when they could eat them.

 

“How about we have one each for dessert after lunch?” Brian suggested and was greeted by a happy squeal from both his sons who seemed excited to see him. He left small kisses on both their foreheads and then let them help Jennifer get the last batch of cookies in the oven. Once that was done, Jennifer sent the boys back into the living-room to play with some toys while she and Brian cleaned up the kitchen.

 

Brian knew that Jennifer had only sent away the boys so they could talk and for once he didn't feel bad about that. He felt like he could need some advice from someone who knew how to actually raise children.

 

“What happened? I haven't seen you this tired since Luke began teething,” she pointed out as she cleaned the utensils they had used for their baking session.

 

“Gus had another accident last night and... when I asked him about what was going on, he kind of had a breakdown,” Brian answered quietly, reaching for a towel to help Jennifer.

 

“A breakdown?”

“He was crying bitterly in my arms, pleading with me not to leave him as well like his mothers have done,” Brian explained, being amazed at himself for how calm his voice sounded. He felt anything but.

 

“Oh dear. That poor boy.”

“I don't know what to do here. It seems like nothing I say will make him accept that I am not going to leave him as well, that I am here to stay. He just doesn't seem to believe me and he's so scared. Last night he was so scared of me being angry because he wet his bed again,” Brian shook his head sadly.

 

“Brian... we can only imagine how hard this is for him. His whole life has changed and been uprooted completely. Who can blame him for feeling insecure? He's only a small child,” Jennifer said gently, squeezing Brian's shoulder in support. She had been by several times in the last two weeks and she knew how hard Brian was trying to be there for his son. She knew how hard Brian was trying to make up for the disappearance of his two mothers.

 

“I just don't know what to do anymore. I... Nothing I say seems to get through to him.”

 

“Have you thought about getting some professional help?”

“What? Why is everyone wanting me to send my son to a shrink?” Brian angrily exclaimed.

 

“Everyone?”

“Blake said that Gus was most likely having abandonment issues and a deep-rooted fear that I will leave as well and that I should talk to someone about how to best help him deal with that fear.”

“Brian, I think Blake is right. What Gus has been through is indescribable. Not many adults could deal with it and he's only a small boy. Maybe a psychologist can help him deal with his fears and feelings.”

“He is not a nutcase, Jennifer!” Brian angrily exclaimed, looking at her with fire in his eyes.

 

“I didn't say that,” Jennifer replied seriously, holding Brian's gaze. She had long found out that Brian's bark was worse than his bite, so she knew she had nothing to fear. “I just think that you're in over your head here and maybe a professional can help Gus where you can't.”

“Now if that isn't a vote of confidence,” Brian snarked, angrily throwing away the towel.

 

“Brian, you have done an admirable job. I have seen it with my own eyes and I am sure that you've done even more that I didn't see. This has nothing to do with you not being a good father to him, so stop thinking that way right now! I am just saying that maybe this is something that can't be handled anymore without professional help and maybe this is something Gus needs to hear from someone else than you.”

“Someone else than me?”

“Well, his track record with parents hasn't been all that great recently, so maybe he's afraid of trusting you when you tell him that you're here to stay. He is your son after all,” Jennifer pointed out, not able to believe she had just said that. But if she thought about it, it was quite funny that Brian Kinney was promising someone – even if it was his own son – that he wouldn't leave.

 

“I don't know,” Brian muttered. “I don't want him to feel even worse than he already does. How is that going to make him feel if he knows I am sending him to a shrink?”

“Brian, he's six. He doesn't even know what a psychologist is. Just tell him you want him to meet a friend who wants to talk to him or something.”

“Is that what you told Justin when you took him to see the shrink?” Brian couldn't help but throw out, immediately regretting what he had said when he saw Jennifer's face fall.

 

“I am not proud of what I did then, Brian. I only wanted to help him. Yes, what I did was wrong, but excuse me for being in over my head and not knowing what to do.”

 

“I didn't mean it like that, Jen. I am sorry,” Brian apologized quietly, not meeting her eyes when he spoke.

 

“Yes, you did and it's fine. Like I said, I am not proud of it. It wasn't one of my finest moments.”

“But you learned,” Brian said gently, now meeting Jennifer's gaze. He had always been impressed how Jennifer had changed over the years. In the beginning she had had a really hard time accepting Justin for who he was and pushing him into the claws of that therapist had only been proof of that, but she had grown so much since then and had become Justin's fiercest supporter. Hell, even their fiercest supporter. She had learned to accept Brian and even now, after all Brian had done to her son, she was still there, being a grandmother to both his sons.

 

“It wasn't always easy, but that's parenting for you,” she said wryly. “And I got help, too Brian.”

That admission seemed to stun Brian into absolute silence. He just stared at Jennifer from wide eyes.

“After the prom, after everything that had happened that year, after leaving Craig... I just didn't know how to deal with everything. I just felt so out of my league. Especially when I couldn't help Justin. I... I needed to learn to accept that I couldn't always be there for him and that he needed someone else more than me. That it didn't mean that he didn't love me, but that it only meant he needed someone else, something else than what I could give him at the time.”

 

“You know that Justin loves you, Jennifer. Even then. He always did. He's so incredibly lucky to have you.”

“Brian,” Jennifer shifted uneasily and started fidgeting with her hands after she had silently accepted what Brian had said and had nodded in acknowledgment. “There is something I didn't tell you.”

“Okay.”

“About the show in New York.”

“What about it?” Brian frowned, wondering what had made Jennifer this nervous. She had told him about Justin's first solo show weeks ago, but with everything going on, he had just forgotten until she had mentioned it again last week. Over the last year and a half Brian had been grateful for every update Jennifer had given him about how Justin was doing and hearing that his career was finally taking off and that he finally had his first solo show after already being featured in a couple of multiple artists shows had made him feel incredibly proud of Justin. And it had shown him that he had made the right decision. Justin wouldn't have had these opportunities if Brian had told him the truth about his pregnancy.

 

“I am not quite sure if I should tell you, but I guess you'd find out somehow sooner or later anyway. I know you have your ways,” she said quietly, throwing Brian a look that told him that she knew he was keeping tabs on Justin. In the beginning he had just done it to make sure that Justin was doing fine without his money, but by now it just gave him a feeling of comfort to get an update every once in a while on how Justin was doing and how his career was going. Thanks to these updates Brian had known about every show Justin had had so far and had always bought something at each show. Of course anonymously, so Justin wouldn't know, but yeah, Brian owned several Justin Taylor originals. And not because he thought Justin needed his help in furthering his career, but because Justin's art still spoke to him and touched something deep inside of him just like it always had.

 

Brian blushed slightly, lowering his eyes at being found out and then urged Jennifer to go on and just tell him.

 

“I am not only going to New York for the show,” Jennifer started and Brian nodded. “I... Justin has met someone and he wants to introduce him to me,” she rushed out in one go, not quite sure how Brian would take the news.

 

“Oh,” was all that came out of Brian's mouth as he tried to stomach the news. Justin had met someone. That was not what Brian had expected, even though it made sense and had been long overdue. Justin was one good-looking man, incredibly hot and with an ass to die for. And that was only his looks. He was also incredibly talented, smart, funny. Who wouldn't like that? The longer Brian thought about what Jennifer had just announced, the more confused he felt as to why it had taken Justin so long to find someone.

 

Schooling his features into a mask of indifference, he replied evenly. “Good for him. I am glad. I want him to be happy.”

Jennifer eyed him curiously, her voice gentle, when she spoke next. “Brian?”

“I mean it,” Brian assured her. “All I ever wanted for him was to be happy and... if he has found someone that he loves, then I am happy for him.”

“I am not sure if it's love,” Jennifer said honestly. “I think it's still a relatively new thing from what he has told me.”

“Well, it must be semi-serious if he wants to introduce the guy to you. You don't just introduce someone to your parents if it's just a quick fuck and nothing more.”

Jennifer only raised an eyebrow at that comment and smirked at Brian. “Really? You could have fooled me.”

“Well... I would hardly call myself a standard on all things relationship, but even I know that much,” Brian chuckled in reply, feeling quite grateful that Jennifer had lightened the mood with that comment.

 

“I just wanted you to know. I thought you deserved to know.”

Brian shook his head gently, contradicting her. “I don't have any right to know any longer, but thanks for telling me anyway.”

 

“I'll make sure he's a good guy and worth Justin's time.” Jennifer's eyes met Brian's and silent understanding passed between them. Brian nodded at her in thanks and then cleared his throat, not wanting to linger on the news of Justin having found a new boyfriend any longer than he needed to.

 

Yes, he had meant it, when he had said that he had only ever wanted Justin to be happy, but to know that Justin had found someone else, that he was definitely moving on from whatever they had had in the past still made him feal uneasy and if he admitted it to himself, it also hurt. He knew he had no right to know anything about Justin's life and he had no right to any place in his life after how he had treated him a year and a half ago, but still... hearing that Justin had met someone else wasn't what he had wanted to hear.

 

“Daddy, can we have cookies now?” Gus came into the kitchen at just that moment and interrupted the awkward silence between the two adults.

 

“Not yet, sonny boy. After lunch. I promise.”

 

“Okay,” the boy agreed grudgingly, before he trotted off to the living-room once again to continue playing.

 

Brian turned to Jennifer, nodding in the direction of the living-room. “You go and spent some quality grandmother time with them. I'll take care of lunch.”

She nodded in agreement, before she left Brian to his own thoughts and feelings.

 

Two hours later, after they had had lunch and a cookie each for dessert, Jennifer got ready to leave for the airport. She said goodbye to her grandsons and then gave Brian a hug, which surprised the man, not having expected one from her.

“You just think about what I said about the psychologist. I think it would really help him,” she said quietly before she pulled back from the hug and looked him straight in the eye. She didn't say anything about Justin or New York or about the new man in Justin's life, but she didn't have to. The hug had told Brian all he needed to know.

 

“I will. I promise.”

“All right. I'll see you and the boys next week then.”

“Yeah,” Brian agreed before leading Jennifer to her car. “You have fun in New York.”

 

“I will.” She then got into her car and made her way to the airport, leaving Brian alone to his thoughts.

And he had lots to think about now. Her comments about the psychologist had given him something to think about and then there was always the new man in Justin's life. If he wanted to or not, those thoughts wouldn't leave him anytime soon.

 

 

Chapter 27

 

A week later Brian found himself with Gus and Luke in his car on his way to Ted's and Blake's apartment. They had offered to watch Luke while Brian and Gus went to see the child therapist that Blake had recommended when Brian had finally given in and had accepted that maybe he couldn't do this on his own and that maybe Gus needed professional help to cope with all the changes in his young life after the poor boy had stood in front of Brian's bed with wet pants two more times in the next three nights.

 

At first Brian had felt like a complete and utter failure as a father and most of all hopeless as he couldn't help his son, but in the end he had accepted that maybe Jennifer and Blake were right. Maybe this was just too much for Gus to deal with and maybe it was also too much for Brian to deal with on his own as a father.

 

He had asked Blake for recommendations on a good therapist, hoping that he would know some due to his work as a counsellor and he had been relieved when Blake had gotten back to him two days later and had told him that he had secured an appointment for Gus with a friend of a friend who was widely seen as one of the best therapists in the city.

 

“Where are we going, Daddy?” Gus asked with mild curiousity as they drove into Pittsburgh, having left Britin 20 minutes earlier. “Are we going to visit Grandma Jen?”

Brian met Gus' questioning gaze in his rearview mirror and looked at his son. “No, we're going to Uncle Teddy's and Uncle Blake's. They have invited us for lunch.”

“Oh, cool! I like Uncle Teddy. He is so funny,” Gus enthused and then added. “And Uncle Blake is always so nice. He always smiles and is always friendly.”

“That he is, sonny boy,” Brian agreed, feeling surprised that he would say that about Ted's twink, a man that had nearly killed Ted so many years ago. A lot of time had passed since then though and so many things had changed, most importantly Ted and Blake. They had both turned their lives around and had become Brian's closest friends over the last year. Brian couldn't help but snicker at the thought. If someone had told him even three years ago that one day Ted Schmidt would be his best friend, he'd have told them they were crazy. But now, here he was and Ted was not only his CFO – and a damn good one – but also his friend. All the support he and Blake had shown Brian over the last year and a half hadn't gone unnoticed and Brian was eternally grateful for them being by his side during the days after Luke's abduction by Lindsay and even before that during his pregnancy.

 

“Do you think we can go to the park after lunch? We can all play soccer together,” Gus suggested quietly, his voice sounding shy and slightly scared.

“Sonny boy, that is the best idea I've heard all day,” Brian said ecstatically, putting it on extra thick for his son who had seemed so insecure when he had asked his question. He knew that he had done the right thing when a big smile broke out on Gus' face and he smiled blindingly at his father. “How about you and I show them how you play real soccer, huh? I am sure they won't stand a chance against us Kinneys.”

“Yay!” Gus exclaimed and they happily went on talking about the game of soccer they would have later for the next ten minutes until they pulled up in front of the couple's condo.

 

Getting both kids inside, they all enjoyed a quiet but happy lunch together and Gus had been more than happy when his Uncle Blake had announced that he had made Chicken Nuggets just for him. Gus loved Chicken Nuggets and couldn't get enough of them, so to get them at his uncle's house made his day only better.

 

After lunch Brian had put down Luke for a nap and returned to the living-room where Gus was flipping through a book with Ted, practising his reading.

“Daddy, can we go to the park now?” Gus looked up when his father came back and Brian steeled himself for what he knew he had to do next.

 

“Not yet, sonny boy,” he said as he sat down at the dinner table, nodding at his lap. “Come here for a second, will you?”

Gus slowly came over, settling into his father's lap comfortably. “Why not, Daddy?”

 

“For one, Luke is still napping and we wouldn't want him to miss out on all the fun, would we?” Brian said and Gus immediately nodded, accepting Brian's reasoning. Brian felt glad when he saw Ted move over to the kitchen, helping Blake with the clean-up of their meal in order to give him and Gus some privacy.

“Okay, then we'll go when Luke wakes up?”

“Sonny boy, there is something I need to talk to you about,” Brian said seriously and his heart broke when he saw Gus' scared eyes settling on his own.

 

“What? You're not leaving, are you?” The boy immediately asked as his eyes teared up.

“Hey, hey, no reason to cry, Gus,” Brian said gently, wiping away his son's tear. “I am not going anywhere, you hear me? I promised you, Gus. I am not going anywhere!”

 

Gus needed a few moments to calm down, but then he nodded slowly, if a little doubtfully.

 

“I know that you're scared about me leaving you, but I will not do that. You hear me? I love you and Luke more than anything in life and I will never leave you two. Never!”

Once more Gus nodded slowly, then eyed Brian from curious eyes. “What do you want to talk about, Daddy?”

“I...I have a friend that I'd like you to meet, you know?”

“A friend?” Gus frowned. “Like Uncle Teddy and Uncle Blake?”

“Kind of,” Brian answered evasively. “He... he works with children who are scared of things and who feel confused and might not believe when their parents make promises to them. He helps those children to believe their parents and he helps them to feel better again.”

“Okay,” Gus sounded unconvinced.

 

“I want you to talk to him, Gus. I want you to meet him and I want him to help you as well. I know that you're scared of me leaving and I know that you might not believe me and...,” Brian was struggling for words. “I just want you to feel better, you know, sonny boy?”

 

“Are you angry at me, Daddy?” Gus asked in a tiny voice, clearly scared.

 

“Angry? No, I am not angry at you! Why would you think that?”

“Because you want to send me to your friend.”

“No, that's not it. You and I will meet him together and you and I will talk to him together. I'll be by your side all the time.”

 

Gus considered his father's words and after a long time his tiny voice was heard once more. “If I go and talk to your friend, will we go play soccer in the park afterwards?”

Brian chuckled and ruffled his son's hair. “Definitely.”

 

Half an hour later Brian and Gus pulled up in front of Dr. Heyman's office and met the therapist who immediately welcomed them into his office with a warm smile.

 

“Hello Brian,” the doctor greeted. He and Brian had already met the day before to talk about some specifics of Gus' case. “And you must be Gus,” he crouched down onto his knees to be on eye-level with Gus and smiled at the boy with a winning smile.

 

Gus nodded shyly in reply.

 

“I am Bill, but a lot of my friends call me Billy. I don't really mind either way. So Bill or Billy, whatever works best for you, alright?”

Gus nodded once more, this time smiling. The man was funny and Gus couldn't resist his inviting smile. “I am just Gus.”

“Alright, just Gus. How about we get inside and sit down for a small chat?”

 

Brian and Gus followed him and then sat down on the sofa, Bill sitting across from them in an armchair.

 

They just talked for the next half an hour, talking about this and that, wanting the small boy to just get used to Bill and not be overwhelmed by this new person in his life. They didn't tackle any of Gus' issues just yet during that first meeting, wanting to give the boy a chance to get comfortable with the therapist first.

 

At the end of their first visit, Brian and Gus said goodbye to Bill and made their way back to Brian's car.

“I like Bill,” Gus announced as Brian strapped him into his car seat.

“You do?” Brian smiled at his son. “I think I had an idea when you were laughing so hard your belly hurt.” Brian tickled his son's belly for good measure, making Gus squeak in excitement.

 

“He is funny. And nice,” Gus added as Brian got into his seat and buckled his own seatbelt.

 

“So you're okay coming back next week to meet with him again?”

When Gus nodded happily, Brian wondered if maybe he had finally done something right.

 

The rest of the day was spent at the park where Brian and Gus played soccer all afternoon, occasionally being joined by Luke, who was more excited to pick up the ball and happily run away with it than really do anything else and Blake and Ted who, just as Brian had promised earlier were no match for the Kinney men when they played some matches against each other.

 

Everyone had had a lot of fun at the park and at the end of the day, after having had a pizza at Ted's and Blake's place, Brian drove back home to Britin with two peacefully sleeping boys in the back of his car. He smiled as he saw them sleeping through the rearview mirror. The day had gone a lot better than he had anticipated before. He had expected Gus to refuse to talk to the therapist, had expected him to throw a tantrum in true Kinney fashion, but Gus had surprised him and had been on his best behaviour, once again really making his father proud.

 

***

 

“Brian, can I talk to you for a minute?” Dr. Heyman asked as Brian and Gus were ready to leave his office after another session. Gus had now been seeing Dr. Heyman for six weeks and Brian could already see the improvement in his small son. He could see how much good the sessions with his “Billy” were doing Gus.

Gus had become a happier boy in recent weeks and the crying had noticeably calmed down. There had also been only three accidents in the last six weeks where the boy had wet himself which had been a huge improvement from the three nights where Gus had wet himself within just one week.

 

They had even reached a point where Gus was happy enough to talk to Dr. Heyman on his own, without Brian present and for the last four weeks they would usually spend half their session with Dr. Heyman and Gus talking on their own for the first thirty minutes while Brian waited in the waiting room and then Brian would join them for the last thirty minutes, so he and Gus could talk to “Billy” together.

 

Brian would be lying if he said that he liked going to the sessions, but he could see how much it helped Gus and he figured if this was what Gus needed, then it was a small price for him to pay to get over his own pride and join his sessions with a therapist. It was a good thing that he didn't hang out around Liberty Avenue anymore. The queens there would have a field day with the information that Brian Kinney was seeing a therapist. If only to support and help his son. Not that that would matter to anyone.

 

Thoughts like that had only confirmed to Brian that he had made the right choice when he had all but left that life behind and had focused on his sons and nothing else. The last time he had been on Liberty Avenue had been when he had visited Debbie at the diner with Luke and the last time he had been to Woodies or Babylon had been even longer in the past. Long before Luke had been born, who was already 15 months by now.

 

At first Brian had missed that life, had missed the thrill of going on the hunt for tricks, had missed his old life and couldn't help but wonder what his life had turned into. He had grabbed his dick more than once to make sure that it was still there and hadn't turned into a twat and made him into a lesbian. For truly that was what he had to be if he rather stayed at home with his two sons than went out to get his dick sucked.

It wasn't like he wouldn't have had a chance to go out. Both Jennifer and Debbie, when she had still been a part of his life, before the whole mess with Michael and Lindsay, had offered to babysit Luke , so he could have a Friday or Saturday night out. Lindsay, when she had been down with Gus for his scheduled visits had offered to watch Gus and Luke, so Brian could go out and just do his Stud thing, but more often than not Brian had realised that he didn't want to go, that he'd really rather stay home with his children than go out for a quick thrill.

Spending time with his sons, seeing their smiles, hearing their excited voices and squeals, hearing their laughter and babble, gave him more of a thrill than any orgasm ever could.

 

Brian hadn't turned into a monk, though. His extensive toy collection got quite a bit of use once the boys were asleep at night and Brian would be lying if he said that he'd never picked up anyone on the occasions he had left other people to babysit so he could take care of business. Yes, he had taken care of business and then, after that had been done, he had seen no harm in taking care of some of his own business as well before heading back home. So no, in no way had he turned celibate, but the Stud of Liberty Avenue sure as hell had calmed down and settled down. He figured that by now the name Brian Kinney was only a myth on Liberty Avenue, nothing more. Fags had a short attention span and with him being absent for over a year and a half, they sure as hell had to have forgotten all about him.

 

Willing those thoughts away, knowing that they were totally inappropriate for a conversation with his child's therapist, Brian only nodded and looked at Gus, who came running into his arms, as he left Dr. Heyman's office.

 

“Sonny boy, will you wait here for a second? Just draw a picture at the table over there and I'll be with you in a minute, so we can go and pick up Luke, all right?”

Gus nodded happily and settled down at the table in the waiting room that was specifically designed to keep children happy while they waited.

 

When he saw that Gus seemed happy enough himself and was occupied, he followed Dr. Heyman into his office.

 

“Brian, I wanted to talk to you for a minute about Gus' progress,” the therapist announced as he urged Brian to take a seat on the sofa.

 

“What about it, doc? He seems so much happier. He's also been doing way better in recent weeks.”

“Yes, I noticed and Gus seems to be quite proud as well. He's been nearly bursting to tell me that he hasn't had any accidents since his last visit.”

“That's right. He's been so proud of himself and I actually promised him that we'd go out and have dinner at a place of his choice later to celebrate,” Brian confirmed, the pride in his voice easily to hear.

 

“It's good that you are positively encouraging him and I am sure he'll have lots of fun.”

 

“Hopefully. I just want him to be as happy as he should be,” Brian announced quietly.

 

“He is a very happy boy, Brian. Make no mistake there. Despite everything, he is happy and he loves you and Luke so much. Every time he talks about you and his brother, his whole face lights up and it's easy to see how much he adores you,” the therapist said seriously, knowing from their previous conversations that Brian was a very complex character and had issues himself. Issues he didn't like talking about, that much had been very clear to the therapist from the very beginning just like it had been clear that Brian didn't quite believe in therapy and the good it could do people, yet he had pushed aside his own opinions to help his son through this hard time.

 

Brian only nodded, not quite sure how to take the therapist's words. He had never been good at accepting compliments or positive encouragement, so he decided not to reply to it, in order as to not make a fool of himself.

 

“What I wanted to talk to you about, is how we're going to progress from here on out. I think we're ready to take the next step in Gus' treatment.”

 

“The next step?” Brian frowned, not sure what the doctor was refering to.

 

“Gus is still suffering from his anxiety that you might leave him as well and even though his general mood and condition has improved a lot in recent weeks, there is still a long way to go.”

 

Brian nodded slowly, having feared that the doctor would say something like that. He had hoped that things would be over soon, but clearly he had been too optimistic there. “All right, so what is the next step?”

 

“I need you to take a step back, Brian,” the doctor announced, getting straight to the point. He had learned that Brian didn't like it if he minced his words and that brutal honesty worked best with the man.

“What?”

 

“As of now, you're pretty much the only parental figure in Gus' life. So all his attention is focused on you which means that all his hopes, but also all his fears are connected to you. We need to make Gus see that there are other people in his life besides you that he can also trust in and that even though you might not be there 24/7, you're still a part of his life and a person he can trust in.”

 

“And how do you want to do that, doc?”

 

“Gus has told me a lot about his Grandma Jen and his Uncle Teddy and his partner Blake. He seems to really like these people a lot.” When Brian nodded in agreement, the therapist went on. “I think it's important that Gus spends more time with these people.”

“His Grandma comes and visits us twice a week and he sees Ted and Blake at least once a week, most weeks twice as well,” Brian said, not quite sure what the doctor meant.

“Yes, and tell me Brian, where are you when Gus sees these people?”

“With him,” Brian said slowly, understanding what the doctor was trying to say. “You're saying I shouldn't be?”

“At least for a limited time. Maybe start slowly with a couple of hours one afternoon. Have one of them come over and spend time with Gus and you go out. Do some shopping, some work or whatever it is you do, but something that leaves Gus alone with them.”

“Isn't the whole point of this not to leave Gus? To show him that I won't leave him like his mothers did?” Brian asked angrily, not liking what the doctor was implying. “He'll only think that I am abandoning him as well if I push him away into other people's arms.”

“Brian, I can understand your feelings on this, but please, hear me out, okay?” The doctor said quietly, not surprised in the least by how hotly the man opposite him had reacted to his idea.

 

“I am not liking this, doc,” Brian muttered, glaring at the doctor.

 

“I hadn't noticed,” the therapist chuckled, then went on to explain his reasoning. “What I want Gus to learn from this is that even though you might not be there at times, that doesn't mean that you're abandoning him, but that you will always return to him. Lets face it, there is no way that you can be with him 24/7, Brian. You have two businesses to run, you have another child to take care of and there might be other obligations that every once in a while will demand your attention away from Gus. Gus will need to learn to deal with moments like these and will need to learn that even though you might leave for some time it doesn't mean you're not coming back. It's basically a lesson in trust, Brian.”

“Nothing is more important than my sons and no business could take me away from them,” Brian answered hotly. “I am not one of those fathers who will just push their child away into a nanny's arm because making money is more important than being with their child.”

“And I never said so, Brian. Spending a few hours away from Gus doesn't say anything about you as a father. It doesn't mean that you love him any less. Just look at life, Brian. No parent can spend all the time in the world with their children. Every family has some kind of support system by having family, friends or a babysitter step in at times. That is normal and it's also important and good for the child. The child needs to learn to build relationships away from just the parents. Too much focus on just the parents alone might actually be harmful to a child as well. There needs to be a balance just like with most things in life,” the therapist explained calmly.

 

“Are you saying I am doing more harm than good by spending so much time with my sons?” Brian's voice was very small when he asked that question and he didn't meet the therapist's eyes.

 

“Brian, once again: I didn't say that. You can't let your own fears take over like that. I am just saying that I think it will be helpful for Gus if maybe you can get him to spend a couple of hours one afternoon per week with another adult in his life and without you. That way he can try to build a stronger relationship with them and can learn that you actually keep your promises. You can give him an exact time when you will be back and once you come back at that time, he'll see that you kept your word and didn't abandon him. Like I said, it's an exercise in building trust.”

“Alright,” Brian agreed finally, after mulling over what the therapist had said. He could see the sense in his words and could see his point, but that didn't make it any easier for him to take a step back at a time when he felt like being with his son was what would help the most. However, he had seen in recent weeks how much better Gus was already doing and had seen how much the therapist had helped Gus, so he would trust him on this. He would trust his expertise and trust his knowledge. “Do you want us to start right away?”

“I'd like you to start some time next week, if possible, so I can talk to Gus about this in the next session.”

“I think that can be arranged,” Brian sighed, still not quite happy with the idea, but willing to do it to help his son to get even better than he already had.

 

“Brian, may I make a suggestion?”

“Sure, doc. You're on a roll already, why not continue?” Brian snarked, as he eyed the man warily.

 

“I know you don't think too highly of my profession and the people in it. I know you think therapy is for weak people, but from what I could gather in recent weeks, I can easily see that you have some issues of your own. You are a very complex man, Brian and I think you'd be surprised by how much good it might actually do you to talk to someone about your feelings.”

“What am I, doc? A lesbian? I don't talk about my feelings and I am doing just fine,” Brian replied angrily, his walls all back in place where he needed them to be.

 

“Fine, you tell yourself that. Like I said, it was just a suggestion. I am sure you'd be surprised by how much better you'd feel talking to someone.”

 

“Thanks, doc, but we're here for Gus, so how about we focus on him?” Brian muttered, before he got up from his seat on the sofa? “Is that everything?”

“Yes,” the doctor sighed, before he led Brian outside to a patiently waiting Gus.

 

He watched the two leave his office and hoped that he hadn't pushed either of them too far too soon.

 

 

 

Chapter 28

 

“Thank you for doing this, Mother Taylor,” Brian said sincerely as he moved towards the front door, ready to leave. He had just delivered Gus and Luke to Jennifer's house where they would spend the afternoon with her. Following Dr. Heyman's instructions, Brian had arranged for Jennifer to spend a couple of hours with Gus and he would be at Kinnetik, close enough to quickly come over if this didn't work and Gus would throw a tantrum. So far it didn't look like it though, Gus seemed happy enough to spend a couple of hours with Jennifer and when Brian had told him earlier that he needed to go to Kinnetik since there had been an emergency the boy had asked at first if he could come as well, but when Brian had explained that unfortunately, it was a serious emergency and no place for a kid, he had just nodded quickly.

As soon as Brian had mentioned that Grandma Jennifer had offered to watch Gus and his smaller brother, Gus had cheered up however. He liked his grandma and he liked her place. She always had fresh cookies and cakes and she always told funny stories about his daddy. He liked spending time with her.

 

Brian had promised that he wouldn't be gone longer than three hours and that he would be back in time for all of them to have dinner together, a prospect which had also cheered up the small boy. In the end Gus had just hugged Brian tight and had whispered. “3 hours, Daddy?”

“Yes, I'll be back in three hours. I promise!”

 

The boy had then nodded bravely and moved away to join Luke who was busily playing with one of his toys on Jennifer's living-room floor.

 

“You're welcome, Brian. And don't worry. He'll be fine. It's only three hours,” she said, giving him a gentle look. She wondered if maybe Brian didn't have a harder time than Gus at that moment.

“You'll call if...,” Brian was interrupted by her gentle, yet amused smile.

 

“I'll call if he's not okay, Brian. I promise. But I am sure he'll be fine. We'll paint a bit and then we'll start dinner preparations. We'll be so busy, he'll have no time to miss you.”

 

“If you say so,” Brian said doubtfully and once again Jennifer was amazed by how much he looked like Gus and how much Gus looked like him.

 

“You go or this whole exercise will be pointless anyway,” Jennifer gently pushed him out the door and closed the door firmly when she saw that he didn't make a move to get to his car. Yes, Brian definitely had the harder time here, she smiled to herself as she saw Gus and Luke happily playing together on her living-room floor.

 

Three hours later Brian appeared back at Jennifer's place, arriving right on the dot at the time they had agreed on. Brian would never admit to her that in the end Ted had kicked him out of Kinnetik, claiming that Brian was driving him and everyone else crazy and that if he wasn't about to get any work done, he should better leave than annoy the hell out of his staff. Surprised by Ted's braveness, Brian had in the end followed his friend's advice and had tried to get some shopping done. He had gone to his favourite menswear store in Pittsburgh and had spent a fortune on the new Armani collection, which he was happy to notice fit like a glove. Thankfully running after two young kids had made him lose all his weight from his pregnancy and the strict training regiment that he kept at home made sure he stayed as lean and fit as he had always been.

 

Now, several thousand dollars poorer and his car filled with about seven shopping bags, he was ready to see how his son had fared in his absence.

 

“Daddy!” A happy voice exclaimed in obvious excitement when the door was opened by Gus, who was followed by an equally happy and excited Luke, who was calling out for his “Dada” as well as loudly as he could.

 

“Hey there, sonny boys. Did you miss me?” Brian smiled at the loud welcome and hugged both his sons close, before he picked up Luke and blew a raspberry on his cheek and then ruffled Gus' hair who leaned happily into him.

 

“Yes, Daddy,” Gus replied, smiling up at his father.

 

“Are you alright, sonny boy?” Brian asked, looking at his son for any signs of discomfort.

 

“We made dinner. Grandma Jen said she selected something extra healthy for you, so you would eat as well and wouldn't complain the whole time about our food,” he happily informed his father and when Brian saw that there was nothing amiss with his son and he really seemed fine, a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

 

He chuckled at that, not having any doubt that Mother Taylor would say something like that. She had been on his case for years now claiming he was too thin and needed to eat more. If only she knew how much hard work it was to keep his body in the shape it was. Unfortunately he had had to accept that he was just like any men and aged like any of them and that any unhealthy food he consumed now took twice as long to get rid off as it did five years ago.

 

“What are you having then?”

“Lasagna,” Gus announced happily and Brian couldn't help but inwardly groan. At times he wondered if Gus even knew that there were also other foods besides Lasagna and Chicken Nuggets. If his son had his way, he would eat Lasagna every day of the week, maybe alternating with Chicken Nuggets every once in a while. Gus clearly hadn't gotten his taste from Brian, that much was obvious to the man.

 

“Lalana,” Luke babbled and Brian turned to the toddler in his arms with a warm smile.

 

“So you're excited about the Lasagna as well? You're all traitors,” Brian laughed when both his sons laughed at his antics.

 

Together they moved into the kitchen where Jennifer had just gotten the Lasagna out of the oven and Brian was happy to see that Gus had been right and there was also a Chicken Breast salad for him.

 

“Were you able to take care of the emergency at Kinnetik?” Jennifer asked with a smirk and Brian just groaned when he realised someone had to have told her of his behaviour at Kinnetik.

 

“Who?” he just asked, his voice resigned.

 

“Ted,” she said quietly, as they all sat down. “He wanted to warn me that you might not last till the appointed time.”

“Of course I did, what do you think of me?” Brian asked indignantly and only blushed slightly when Jennifer asked him how expensive it had been to fix the 'mistake' at Kinnetik.

 

“Too expensive,” he sighed, in the end accepting that maybe his friends and Jennifer knew him too well and knew him better than he'd like to admit.

 

They all enjoyed dinner and conversation flowed freely with Gus and Luke entertaining the adults with their tales of what they had done that afternoon at their grandma's house.

 

“So, I can see that you all had a good time, huh?” Brian asked, feeling happy that Gus had fared better than he had expected.

 

“Yes, Daddy, we had lots of fun,” Gus nodded, happily eating his dessert.

 

“Yeah, Dada,” Luke agreed as well, smearing his dessert all over his face instead of eating it or at least it seemed that way to Brian.

 

“I enjoyed our afternoon as well,” Jennifer announced, smiling at the happy faces around her dining table. “And I was actually thinking, maybe we could make this into a kind of regular thing,” she suggested quietly, trying to gauge Brian's reaction.

 

“A regular thing?”

 

She wasn't surprised that his voice sounded more than doubtful. “Well, we all had a lot of fun and it always takes me quite some time to drive out to Britin. I was thinking maybe we could make this like a weekly thing where you boys come and visit me and spend some time here, while Daddy does some work at the office, making sure no more mistakes and emergencies like today happen,” she suggested to everyone at the table.

 

“Can we, Daddy?” Gus asked from wide eyes.

 

“Would you want to, sonny boy?” Brian asked, eyeing his son closely.

 

“We had lots of fun and I would like to do this again. If you have to go and work, I'd like to spend time with Grandma Jen,” the boy said seriously.

 

“What about you, sonny boy? Would you love to visit your grandma more often?” Brian asked Luke, who was still smearing his dessert all over his face.

 

The small boy looked at his father from big, blue eyes and frowned. “Gamma Jen?”

 

“Yeah, would you like and come visit Grandma Jen more often?”

“Luv Gamma Jen,” Luke announced happily, clapping his dessert covered hands together in obvious glee.

 

“Well, I guess you got yourself some guests for next week as well, Mother Taylor,” Brian announced finally, happy that Gus seemed to be that open to the idea. He wondered what Dr. Heyman would say if he found out that Gus had so eagerly agreed to repeat his stay with his grandmother.

 

“Maybe next week we can go to the park together and collect some sticks for our little art project,” Jennifer said to the boys at her table, who both looked excited.

 

“Art project?” Brian dared to ask.

“We were talking earlier and noticed that there is a distinct lack of Christmas decorations at my place. So Gus suggested that we make some ourselves and when we did some research online, we got some ideas involving sticks that have fallen from trees. That should keep us quite busy next week.”

Brian only nodded, wondering if Jennifer really felt half as excited about this art project as she sounded or if she just pretended to for the sake of Gus and Luke. He only knew too well about the things he would do to keep those two boys happy and he had no doubt that it was the same for Jennifer. He couldn't wait to see her pristine home covered in self-made art involving sticks from the park. That was for sure.

 

***

 

Within just a couple of weeks the weekly visit to Jennifer's place had become a regular thing for the Kinney family and every Tuesday the boys would spend a couple of hours with their grandmother, giving Brian some time to focus on Kinnetik and work.

 

After two visits, it had become obvious that the boys were fine with Jennifer and were kept so busy by their grandma that they hardly had time to miss Brian. A couple of Tuesday's into their visits, Jennifer had suggested that she could keep her Tuesday's free completely and would be able to watch Luke all day long. If Brian wanted, he could take Gus to school and could then head into Pittsburgh. Jennifer would watch Luke for the day while Brian was able to spend a whole day at Kinnetik taking care of his businesses. Jennifer would then pick up Gus from school and spend the rest of the day with her grandsons before Brian joined them for dinner in the evening.

 

At first Brian had been reluctant to agree and it had needed a good talking to from Jennifer as well as Ted to make Brian see that he wouldn't be a bad father just because he allowed his sons to spend one day a week with their grandmother so he could focus on his businesses. Ted even pointed out that it might be good for both boys as well as Brian to be able to spend some time apart. Ted reminded him that many children grew up with working parents and weren't as lucky as Gus and Luke had been where one parent could stay at home all week and he also pointed out that it might be nice for Brian to actually spend some time with adults every once in a while instead of just spending all his time with his boys.

 

Brian hadn't been convinced of either Jennifer's or Ted's arguments, but in the end agreed to try out for a week or two if Jennifer's proposal was working. Kinnetik was in the middle of the post-holiday season, preparing for all the big spring and Super Bowl adverts and Brian knew that it would be good of he could focus on work for a couple of hours on end without any interruptions and rationally he knew that it didn't make him a bad parent if he went into the office for one day a week, yet emotionally it was a lot harder for him to accept that he was leaving his sons in someone else's care, even if it was their grandmother, instead of taking care of them himself. And why? So he could work? No, that didn't seem like a good enough reason, but well... what choice did he have if Jennifer and Ted and in the end Cynthia as well were all on his case?

 

After the first two weeks, Brian had to admit to himself that Jennifer, Ted and Cynthia had been right. He had missed his work and he had missed the atmosphere of being in Kinnetik's busy offices, seeing the creative minds of his staff work together, bringing ideas to life and seeing the finished result. It had been a good feeling to sit behind his desk again, to be present for the staff meeting instead of just joining via video call and after the first two weeks Brian had realised that he had also missed spending time with adults. As much as he loved being with Gus and Luke and as much as he adored his sons, it felt good to have professional, adult conversations at least for a while.

 

Gus and Luke had been quite happy about the change as well. Both boys adored their grandmother and loved going to her house on Tuesday's. Jennifer always prepared something special for them to do and actually did all the things with the boys that Brian had no patience for, like making decorations for Thanksgiving and Christmas or helping the boys prepare Christmas presents for their Uncles Teddy and Blake.

 

In the end the weekly Tuesday visits had turned out to be a win-win situation for everyone involved.

 

Dr. Heyman had been more than happy about the progress Gus had made in recent weeks and by now it had almost been three months since Gus had last wet his bed. He had told Brian that he was pretty sure that now that Gus had made it through the Christmas season alright, they would be able to cut down his sessions to twice a month instead of weekly as they were now. Brian had been happy to hear that and had been ecstatic for his son.

 

The Tuesday visits had also helped him himself in more ways than one. They allowed Brian to take care of some personal business as well. Knowing that he would be at Kinnetik every week on the same day, Brian had been able to set up an appointment with his favourite escort service and got a nice lunch break visit once a week that took care of some of his more pressing matters. He would never trick at home or with his boys present, but at work, he knew that his staff was used to way worse from him and sometimes an executive bathroom came in really handy.

 

Tuesdays had also turned into a special day for Brian for another reason. After his conversation with Dr. Heyman about seeing a therapist himself, Brian had been quite reluctant at first. He had no patience for therapists and he didn't believe in talking about his feelings with a stranger. Or so he had thought. But the more he had thought about what Dr. Heyman had said, the more he had known that the man was right. And hadn't Brian seen himself how much good the sessions had done Gus? How Gus had improved so much in just a few short months?

Brian would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that he had issues. Damn, with the way he had been raised it was no surprise that he was plagued by issues. He had always known it, but had rather chosen to ignore those issues and to hide behind the walls and image he had created for himself. The fact that he had lost the love of his life and his two best friends as well as the person who he had thought of as a second mother over the course of the last year hadn't really helped to improve his mental state a lot. In true Brian Kinney fashion, Brian had tried to ignore the feelings of pain and hurt that gnawed at his heart, but now, with Gus and Luke he couldn't go back to his normal methods with which he normally dealt with pain. He just couldn't drink himself into a stupor with two small boys depending on him, just like he couldn't take drugs to forget all the shit going on. That would only make him like his father and if there was one person Brian never wanted to be like, it was Jack Kinney.

 

Running out of ways to cope with his pain, Brian knew that he was only left with very few options, most of which included dealing with his pain and facing it, something he normally avoided to do at all costs.

 

He had thought long and hard about what to do and how to cope with all the things going on in his life if he couldn't fall back into his old coping mechanisms and in the end he had known that he owed it to the two small boys sleeping upstairs in their room that he found a way to work through his pain. It didn't seem fair that one day they might suffer for something that wasn't their fault at all.

 

So in the end Brian had done the unthinkable. Brian Kinney had gotten an appointment with a therapist to actually work through his feelings.

 

At first Brian had hated every second of every session, but slowly he had seen how talking about his problems and the going ons in his life helped him. Just like he had seen with Gus, he could see with himself how he became calmer and more at peace with his life and the decisions he had made for his life.

 

The therapy sessions had made him see and understand a lot of things about himself, a lot of things Justin had always said to him, but he had always pushed aside because he hadn't been ready to admit the truth to himself. The sessions had helped him see how much damage his parents had really done to him and how they had destroyed his whole belief in love and commitment. How he had built up walls around his heart to protect himself from any pain he was sure would be coming his way and how he would rather push people away than let them into his heart to avoid giving them a chance to hurt him like his parents had hurt him. A lot of those realisations had been pretty painful, but once Brian had seen the truth for what it was, it had given him some inner peace and clarity and he had been able to look at his life differently.

 

So now his Tuesdays consisted of taking Gus to school, then dropping off Luke at Jennifer's house, before he went to his weekly appointment with his therapist. He would then go to Kinnetik for a couple of hours of work before his lunch time visitor would show up. In the afternoon he would do some more work before he went to Jennifer's to have dinner with his sons and their grandmother. For the last six weeks that had been his usual Tuesday itinerary and Brian was surprised by how well it seemed to work out for everyone involved. Jennifer was happy to get to spend more time with her grandsons, Ted and Cynthia were happy to have Brian at the office to take care of some things directly, Gus and Luke were happy to spend time with their grandmother and to do all the nice things she prepared for them on a weekly basis and Brian was happy to spend some hours at work as well as having his weekly lunch delight. At this point he didn't even mind the therapy sessions anymore, as he could see how they helped him and made him feel better about himself.

 

In true Kinney fashion, Brian hadn't told anyone about going to therapy himself though. As far as he was concerned that was his business and nobody else's and he didn't feel like sharing the news with anyone. Not even Ted or Jennifer. Though he had known from the very beginning of course that it would only be a matter of time before Ted would find out. After all Ted was his personal accountant and would see the bills for the therapy sessions. Brian had just trusted that Ted would keep his mouth shut and wouldn't make that knowledge widely known and Ted's reaction when he had found out had surprised Brian in more ways than one.

 

“Brian, do you have a minute?” Ted asked as he came into Brian's office with a frown on his face.

“What is it, Ted? I am getting ready for my lunch break,” Brian said in a slightly bored voice.

 

“And I know better than to interrupt that, so that's why I decided to come in now.”

“Out with it, Schmidt. What is it?”

“I have just gone over your latest account statements and there are some weird bills I can't place,” Ted announced as he handed Brian the spreadsheet he had been holding.

 

Brian sighed, having known that this moment would come. He didn't need to look at the spreadsheet to know that Ted was talking about the payments to his therapist. Ted knew the name of Gus' therapist and would definitely know that this payment went to another therapist.

 

“What do you want me to say, Theodore?” Brian asked, his voice only slightly annoyed.

“I just want you to confirm that these payments are correct. That's it,” Ted replied matter-of-factly as he looked at Brian.

 

“They are,” Brian affirmed, then handed Ted the spreadsheet back.

 

“Good, that's all I needed to know. Enjoy your lunch break, boss,” Ted winked as he made his way to the door of Brian's office.

“Wait a moment, Schmidt,” Brian drawled. “That's it?”

 

“Yes, I just wanted to confirm that these payments are correct. Otherwise I would have contacted the bank to investigate.”

“Cut the crap, Theodore. I know that you've done your research and I am sure you know where those payments are going to.”

“Of course,” Ted nodded, looking at Brian in confusion.

 

“So where are the biting remarks? The comments? The questions?” Brian asked, now being the confused one in the room.

 

“Brian,” Ted began, his voice serious as he spoke. “That is none of my business. It is your business and if you want to talk about it, I am sure you will. If you don't, it's not my place to make you talk.”

 

“That's it?”

“Yes, that's it,” Ted affirmed, looking at Brian closely. “Why? What do you want me to say about this?”

“It's not what I want you to say about this, more what I expected you to say about this,” Brian admitted quietly.

“Okay, what did you expect me to say about this?” Ted asked instead, moving closer to Brian's desk and looking at his friend closely.

 

“I don't know, something. The mighty Brian Kinney going to therapy. I am sure there's a lot you could say,” Brian snarked.

 

“Brian,” Ted said quietly as he sat down opposite Brian. “I am not Michael or Lindsay.”

“I know you're not,” Brian hissed, glaring at Ted for even mentioning their names.

 

“I am not sure you really do. I know how they defined the term friendship and how to them it meant that they needed to know about every small aspect of your life and needed to let you know whenever they thought you didn't live up to their image, but that's not me. I am your friend, Brian, but I am not a friend like they were. I'd like to consider myself a real friend. You want me to say something about this? Fine,” Ted said before he cleared his throat.

 

“I remember a conversation with you about three years ago in this very office where you told me about your childhood and your parents and how you had lost the two most important people in your life because you couldn't form long-term commited relationships. I have been part of the Family long enough to hear enough from Debbie and Michael to get an idea what your younger years have been like. Do I think you have issues? Absolutely! Do I think you should get help for them? Absolutely! Why do I think so? Hell, I don't know. Maybe because I have been there myself and because I know that sharing can actually help you get better. Maybe because I have learned in rehab that talking can help you move past a lot of things. Maybe because you are my friend and I want you to be okay and do fine. I really don't know, but what I know is that all these years and even now it's none of my business. It's your life, Brian. If you want to try and talk to a professional and want to try to fix your issues, I hope that you know that I am your friend and will be here whenever you need someone to talk to or whenever you feel in need of some support. But other than that, it's just not my place to tell you what to do, Brian. It's your life and you're an adult and might I say so, a damn fine specimen of a human being. I know you don't like hearing it, but you're a good man, Brian. I've seen over the years how much you've given to others, how much you've done for me. In the last year and a half I've seen you change your whole life for Gus and Luke and become a great father to them. You might not like to hear it, Brian, but you're a good person and I for one am proud to call myself your friend. So, if you feel like you want to talk to a professional, I will still be your friend and will admire you for taking that step, a step that I know myself is incredibly hard. But really? Anything else is not my business, Brian, unless you want it to be,” Ted finished seriously, before he got up from his seat and moved to the door.

 

“Thank you, Ted. I... I appreciate it,” Brian said in a voice hardly above a whisper, but yet Ted had heard him and nodded gently at his friend. He knew how much it had cost Brian to say those words and he didn't want to make a bigger deal out of them than necessary.

 

“That's what I am here for,” Ted smiled sincerely and then opened Brian's office door. “I think your lunch is here,” he winked before he stepped aside to let the young man into Brian's office and went to get his own lunch which he was sure would be slightly less exciting than Brian's lunch date.

 

Ever since, Ted had never mentioned anything about Brian's therapy sessions again and for that Brian had been grateful. It had taken him some time to accept that Ted's friendship worked differently from what he had been used to from Michael and Lindsay and that Ted's friendship at times reminded him of how Justin had treated him. Justin had been the same, he had allowed Brian his freedom to make his own choices and he had never made a big deal out of things he knew were making Brian uncomfortable. Maybe that was why he appreciated Ted's friendship so much, because Ted, much like Justin, always gave him the right to make his own decisions and didn't try to push Brian in one direction or the other and unlike Michael and Lindsay Ted respected boundaries and respected Brian's privacy. Whatever it was, Brian knew that he was incredibly grateful to have Ted as a friend and he wondered if he could ever pay the man back for all he had done for him over the last couple of years.

 

 

 

Chapter 29

 

“Carl, what are you doing here?” Brian said warily as he walked down the hall from his office to the front desk, ready to leave Kinnetik for the day and ready to see his sons. It had been a long day with several meetings and presentations and Brian couldn't wait to see Gus and Luke. He really missed them.

 

“Brian?” Carl looked confused, clearly not having expected to see Brian at Kinnetik.

 

“Why are you so surprised to see me here? It's my company,” Brian snarked, realising how that might have sounded harsher than he had intended. If he was honest with himself, Brian didn't quite know what to make of Carl's presence at Kinnetik. He hadn't seen the older man since Michael and Lindsay had been sentenced and after he had pretty much broken off all contact with Debbie, there hadn't really been a reason to stay in contact with Carl either. Yes, he had always liked the man, but Carl was Debbie's boyfriend and outside of Debbie they really didn't have a lot in common, so it had felt only natural to Brian that his relationship with Carl had also ended along with his relationship with Debbie. It had been sad, but that was life.

 

“I... I just didn't expect to see you here, I guess. I thought you work from home,” Carl replied, before he got a grip on himself. “How are you Brian? You look good. And how are Luke and Gus?”

“I am good. Can't complain. Kinnetik is doing well, as is Babylon and the two rascals are causing trouble as usual,” Brian chuckled, leading Carl over to his office.

 

“You were on your way out, Brian,” Carl murmured. “I didn't mean to keep you.”

 

“Carl, you don't usually come by the office. At least not that I know of, so I guess it might be something important that brought you here and I'd rather discuss it in the privacy of my office than in the hallway where everyone can hear us.”

 

“I... I was just hoping to see Ted, I didn't expect to see you.”

“Ted left an hour ago. He and Blake have opera tickets tonight. It's their date night or whatever they call it nowadays. Can I help you instead?” Brian offered, looking at the older man who seemed slightly nervous sitting opposite Brian.

 

“I... I guess you can,” Carl said and started wringing is hands which only increased Brian's discomfort. Carl had been a cop for over 40 years and if he was nervous, Brian knew it had to be something serious.

 

“I know you won't like to hear this, but... I am here because of Debbie.”

 

Brian sighed, not really feeling like talking about the woman he had considered his mother for more than twenty years.

 

“What about her?”

“She hasn't been doing so good lately and...,” Carl took a deep breath, not quite sure how to continue.

 

“Is she sick?” Brian asked and cursed himself for the concern he could hear in his voice. Why would he feel so concerned for a person that had treated him so badly? Because he still loved her and cared about her, despite everything.

 

“No, it's nothing like that,” Carl immediately calmed the younger man.

 

“Then what is it? Out with it, Carl. I have two boys waiting for me and right now spending time with them sounds way more fun than listening to whatever it is you want to tell me about Debbie.”

 

“The last year hasn't been easy for Debbie and... I guess I am here to plead her case.”

“Plead her case?” Brian frowned, not sure what to make of that statement.

 

“I am not sure if you care, but... after the trial things with Michael took a turn for the worse. Debbie went to visit him in prison, but he refused to talk to her. He blamed her for ending up in prison and in the end told her that she wasn't his mother anymore if she couldn't even keep him out of prison. He has refused to talk to her for a couple of months now and doesn't reply to her letters,” Carl explained.

 

“I am sorry to hear that, but why do you think I would care? Debbie has made it very clear what she thinks about me and my role in all of this,” Brian pointed out.

 

“I know, but Brian, she was hurt and in pain. She didn't mean it.”

 

“Oh yes, she did,” Brian angrily exclaimed. “Look, I know you love her, but I have known her for more than 20 years and if I know one thing about the Novotnys it's that they always mean what they say, but afterwards claim they don't when it comes back to bite them in the ass.”

“I understand your anger and I don't blame you,” Carl said to placate the younger man. “I don't want to make excuses for Debbie, but... she has lost everything and everyone, Brian.”

 

“You want me to feel sorry for her? I have been betrayed by my two best friends and lost my surrogate mother in the process because she didn't love me as much as I thought she did.”

Carl could easily hear the pain in Brian's voice and wasn't surprised to hear it. The last year had to have been hard on Brian as well. “I don't want you to feel sorry for her, I... I just want you to consider giving her a fair chance.”

“A chance? At what?” Brian raised an eyebrow, wondering if Carl was talking about what he thought the man was talking about.

 

“Forgiveness.”

 

“You want me to forgive Debbie? Why would I do that after all the things she has said and done?”

Carl sighed, knowing that he had no real answer to convince the man opposite him. “Because you love her like a mother and she loves you like her son.”

Brian laughed, but it didn't sound honest. “Love me? I don't think so, Carl. When push came to shove she made it quite clear that I was not her son.”

“She might lose her job at the diner,” Carl went on, not quite sure why he had even said that. It was clear that Brian didn't care.

 

“I am sorry to hear that.”

“She lost Michael and she hasn't seen JR ever since this whole thing has gone down. Melanie refused to let her anywhere close to JR and then moved away without giving us any way to contact her. Debbie has been heartbroken and... she hardly shows up for work anymore and when she does, she's not focused and messes up. She's only a shell of her former self and... I fear for her, Brian.”

 

“Carl, I am sorry to hear that, but I really don't know what you expect from me.”

“Christmas has been an eye opener for her, Brian. She has been all alone with me and there was no one. Absolutely no one. She has lost her son, her granddaughter, but she has also lost you, your sons and with you she has lost Ted and Blake and Jennifer. Emmett hardly talks to her as he's so busy with his own life and career... She's all alone and has no one but me.”

 

“Carl, that is all very sad, but I still don't see what you want from me,” Brian's tone grew slightly more impatient with each word that he spoke.

 

“She knows she made the wrong choice,” the older man said quietly.

 

“It was never a choice. It never had to be,” Brian replied equally quiet.

“To her it felt that way.”

 

“Then that's a choice she made and now has to live with,” Brian slowly got up from his chair, indicating that he was ready to finish this conversation. He didn't feel like talking about Debbie any more than he had to and wanted to get out of the office, so he could see his sons.

 

“She regrets what she said to you and wants to apologise,” Carl told the younger man as he got up as well, knowing that he was about to be dismissed. “She misses you and the boys terribly and she thinks about you every day. I know you don't care, but Brian, she loves you and... I guess I came here so Ted would ask you to give her another chance. I worry about her.”

 

Brian sighed as he led the man towards his office door. “Carl, I am sure you only have her best interest at heart, but... I can't do what you want me to do. I have Gus and Luke to think about and her kind of conditional love is not something I want to expose them to. As long as she doesn't understand how much damage she has done with her behaviour, there is no sense in having any conversation at all. I am sorry about things not having worked out for her, but... that is not my concern anymore.”

 

Brian opened the door to his office and led the man outside. After Carl had left, Brian headed for his own car and made his way to Jennifer's place with a heavy heart, cursing himself for caring more about Debbie than he probably should.

 

 

 

***

 

“I have to admit, I was surprised when you called me,” Carl admitted as he looked at Brian, who was sitting opposite him at the table in the restaurant where Brian had booked a table for them for lunch.

 

“I surprised myself when I called you,” Brian admitted.

 

“Why are we here?” The older man asked, looking around the restaurant.

 

“What? You don't like it? It's one of my favourites.”

“I am sure it's nice, but... why are we meeting here?”

“I figured this is neutral ground,” Brian admitted.

 

“And why are we even meeting at all? You didn't sound interested in what I had to say when I saw you at Kinnetik.”

 

Brian shrugged. “I don't know... Your visit got me thinking and the more I thought, the more I knew you hadn't told me the whole story.”

“What do you mean?” Carl frowned.

 

“Lets cut the bullshit, alright? I read people for a living and I know that I didn't get the whole truth from you when you came to Kinnetik. So here I am, trying to get the whole truth once and for all. I think I deserve at least that much, don't I?”

Carl sighed, but in the end nodded. “Debbie and I might break up.”

“Okay...,” Brian swallowed, not having expected that.

“She thought that I have been on your side the whole time and haven't supported her and Michael enough in all of what has happened. She didn't appreciate me seeing your point of view and well, things have been rocky for a couple of months now because of that. Michael kicking her out of his life didn't help and things have only deteriorated from there, though she has finally started seeing his true self and seeing him for the person that he is. That realisation has led to a depression that has made the woman that I love completely disappear. She is gone, Brian and I am not sure how much longer I can take who she is now,” the older man admitted.

 

“What do I have to do with all of this?”

“I want my old Debbie back. The energetic, crass, too out there Debbie that I fell in love with. My Red.”

 

“I don't think there is much I could do to help you get her back,” Brian said honestly.

 

“If there is anyone that can bring her back, it's you. I know that you're my only chance of getting my Debbie back.”

 

“So this whole thing is not about her wanting my forgiveness, but about you wanting me to forgive her, so you get your girlfriend back?”

“No,” Carl shook his head slowly. “She knows by now that she has made mistakes, she knows that she treated you unfairly and... I think she also knows that you would have needed a mother as well with everything you went through, but... she also knows you and knows that there is no way in hell you will ever talk to her again.”

“So that's why you're talking to me instead?” Brian asked.

 

“I want my Debbie back and if I need to beg you for forgiveness and if I need to plead her case with you left and right then that's what I'll do. For her.”

 

Brian nodded thoughtfully, eyeing the older man seriously. “Why isn't she the one asking for my forgiveness?”

 

“You haven't exactly made it easy for her to contact you,” Carl reminded Brian and Brian knew that the police officer was right. He had blocked her number after he had gotten annoyed by her many calls to Britin and had told his secretaries at Kinnetik that he didn't want to speak to her under any circumstances. He had informed his building security that he didn't want her inside the offices, not wanting to risk her making a scene in front of clients.

 

“We both know Debbie well enough to know that if she had wanted to, she would have found a way anyway,” Brian declared and Carl only nodded, knowing that Brian was right.

 

“That would have been the old Debbie, but... Brian, she has changed. She has lost her fire and she's only a shell of who she used to be. She loved her work at the diner, but now, more often than not she doesn't even show up for her shifts anymore. More often than not I find her on the sofa in her pajama when I return from my shift and know she hasn't left the house at all all day. She needs something to pull her out of this funk and... I know that you're the only one who can do that.”

“You're asking quite a lot,” Brian said seriously.

 

“I know, but... I know that you love her, Brian. Even despite everything. You have a big heart and... Debbie has always said that when you love someone, you love them with all you have to give and I've seen you together. I know you love her. I know she is the mother you never had. Is she perfect? God, no! Has she made mistakes? Hell, yes! But... you are her only family, Brian and isn't being a family about forgiving each other?”

 

“I am not sure if I can. Not after everything that has happened...”

 

“I understand,” Carl said with quiet acceptance. “I won't urge you to do anything you don't feel like you can do, I... I guess I just wanted you to think about it...”

 

“It's not that I don't want to, Carl, but... she's hurt me. I am not sure I can just forget about that and forgive her.”

Carl eyed the younger man seriously, surprised by Brian admitting his true feelings so openly. He had expected some wise crack from him, but not this honest conversation they were having right now.

 

“Nobody expects you to, but... maybe you can find it in you to at least give her a chance to apologise herself. It would mean so much to her.”

 

“I will not listen to another session of 'woe-is-me-my-baby-is-oh-so-innocent',” Brian declared sternly.

 

“Brian, she won't do that. She has learned her lesson. Deep down she knows that Michael is not nearly as innocent as she'd like him to be and she also knows that she's treated you very wrongly. Just give her a chance to apologise in person. That's all I am asking.”

“I'll think about it. That's all I can promise,” Brian declared with a deep sigh. He really didn't know if he could face Debbie, could stand another one of her tirades and even if Carl was right and she wanted to apologise, he didn't know if he wanted to hear that apology and wanted to let her back into his life.

 

 

 

Chapter 30

 

It had taken Brian another five weeks to come to a final decision concerning Carl's request and what to do about it. He had talked the issue over with his therapist during his last three appointments and had voiced his thoughts, his anger and most of all his fears concerning Carl's request to meet with Debbie.

 

His therapist had asked him why it had been so hard for him to make a decision on whether or not he wanted to see Debbie and in the end Brian had had to admit that it had been so hard because he still loved her and because she had hurt him and he was scared of being hurt again by her.

They had covered a lot of Brian's fear of rejection in their therapy sessions and Brian knew that most of those fears stemmed from his parents never giving him the love he felt any child deserved, but at least it had always felt like Debbie had given him that parental love. Until she had taken it away to bestow it on that undeserving prick of a son.

 

Brian had voiced his anger at Debbie choosing Michael over him when it had been so clear that Michael had been in the wrong and talking about that anger and Debbie's behaviour had also brought to light many other buried emotions that Brian had tried to not let affect him. All the times Debbie had blamed him for Michael getting into trouble, all the times Debbie had requested that he fix Michael's problems for him, all the times she had chosen Michael's side and made it clear to him that he would never be as loved by her as her real son was.

The therapist had helped him see that one of the reasons why he felt so strongly about her and why he had felt so betrayed by her was his love for her and yes, in the end Brian had had to agree that after all that had happened he still loved Debbie. They had talked about why the relationship between Debbie and Brian as it had always been had been an unhealthy relationship and why it was not really a good relationship to begin with and with time and the help of his therapist Brian had started to see that yes, he wanted Debbie back in his life, but no, they couldn't go on like they had before.

 

At first Brian had been scared of losing her completely if he didn't just pretend that nothing had happened as he had always done whenever she had chosen Michael over him, but his therapist had made him see that he was worth more than that and that he deserved more than that from a person who refered to him as a second son. Over the course of two sessions the therapist and Brian worked out ways in which Brian could make Debbie see that she had hurt him and that their old relationship didn't have a future, but that he would be willing to try and work at a new, better, more healthy relationship between them.

 

After they had reached that milestone, Brian had once again been gripped by an almost crippling fear that Debbie would reject him, that she would just brush off his feelings and claim that he play by her rules as had always been the case and that fear alone had almost made him brush away the idea of ever talking to her again, but his therapist had carefully pointed out how Brian had nothing to lose, but so much to gain. If he got Debbie to understand how wrong she had treated him over the years, if he could make her see her mistakes, they would have a chance to move on and move towards a healthy, good relationship. If he couldn't, well, yes, it would hurt and be painful, but in the end he wouldn't be any worse off than he was now where she was out of his life completely. What it came down to, or so the therapist had explained, was if Brian loved her enough and wanted her in his life enough to risk the chance of getting hurt once more, if the payoff could be getting her back into his life.

 

Those thoughts had kept Brian awake for more than one night and it had also taken him conversations with Jennifer and Ted to come to a final decision.

 

Brian hadn't expected either one to really be supportive of him and Debbie talking and had been pretty sure that they would both tell him to just forget about Debbie and move on, seeing what kind of things she had said to them as well, but especially Jennifer had surprised Brian.

 

She had told him that if he still felt any love for Debbie at all, he should try and salvage that love and try to work on their relationship with all he had. Not only for himself, but also for his sons. Didn't they deserve a second grandmother that loved them to bits? Didn't they deserve Carl as a grandfather who loved them just as much as their grandmothers did?

At that point Brian had had to admit to himself that he hadn't really considered Gus or Luke in any of his thought process. Luke had been too small to really remember Debbie and Gus had probably just thought she was another person who had left him like his mothers had. That thought had pained Brian immensely because he had always known how much Debbie had loved both his sons and the more he thought about that, the more he realised that he didn't only owe it to himself, but also to his sons to work out his issues with her, so they got a chance at a second set of grandparents. As was the situation at the moment their family wasn't what one would call big and mostly consisted of Jennifer, Ted and Blake and occasional visits from Cynthia, which were mostly related to work though and had her visiting him at Britin on the days he worked from home. Could he be as selfish as to say that his sons didn't deserve more of a family that would love them?

And then he was brought back to the kind of conditional love that Debbie used to bestow on him and that he didn't want his sons to experience and that he wanted to protect them from. Brian had also talked about those fears with his therapist and once again it had come down to him setting clear rules and boundaries for any ongoing relationship they might have. If Debbie didn't think she could live by his rules, then maybe she wasn't a person he wanted in his life.

 

Ted, other than Jennifer, hadn't really had any opinion at all, though Brian doubted that to be true. In any case however, Ted hadn't voiced his opinion to Brian and had just encouraged him to do what he thought would be the right thing to do. Ted had told him that whatever he decided in the end, Ted would be there as his friend to support him and so would Blake, but Ted had also made it clear that he wouldn't point Brian in any direction at all, as he knew that Brian and Debbie had had a completely different relationship from his own with Debbie and that this was a decision Brian had to make. No one else!

 

And in the end Brian had made a decision, even though he still wasn't sure if it was the right one or not. He had decided that talking to Debbie couldn't hurt and that his therapist was right: In the end it might hurt, but he wouldn't be worse off than he was now.

 

So there he was, waiting in Kinnetik's conference room, waiting for Debbie to show up. He hadn't wanted to invite her to Britin, that had just seemed too early and wrong somehow and he hadn't wanted to meet at her place, a place that held so many memories, both painful and beautiful. In the end he had decided on meeting at Kinnetik, as the conference room would be a neutral location. Brian was wringing his hands as he waited for the clock to read 4pm which was when Debbie and Carl were supposed to meet him.

 

Looking at the clock and realising that it was 3.58pm, Brian wished that he could be with Luke and Gus who were out at an indoor playground having fun with Grandma Jen. Not that Brian wanted to be at an indoor playground with hundreds of yelling and overexcited children. Actually that was pretty much his nightmare come true. Yes, he loved his sons, but other children still annoyed the hell out of him more often than not and he was grateful that Jennifer had offered to take his sons there, so he didn't have to go. And yet, right now, he'd rather be there than here at this table where he knew Debbie and Carl would arrive any minute.

 

As if called by his thoughts, there was a knock on the door and Cynthia came in.

 

“Brian, they're here. I'll lead them in and will close up afterwards. Everyone else has left early today and you'll be undisturbed,” she said quietly.

 

Brian only nodded at her, acknowledging what she had said and then waited for Carl and Debbie to be led into the conference room.

 

“Carl, Debbie,” Brian greeted them in a neutral voice, trying to keep all emotions out of it. Sometimes he was glad that he was such an experienced ad man, because that meant that he had a poker face that he used during business meetings and that he was using now as well.

 

“Brian,” Carl shook his hand and then made his way over to the seat Brian had directed him to. “I'm glad you agreed to this meeting.”

 

Brian just nodded, then pointed at another chair for Debbie to sit down. He was surprised that she hadn't said anything yet and hadn't called him 'asshole' once so far. In his worst nightmares about this meeting she had stormed into his office and called him names, but at least that hadn't come true yet.

 

They all poured themselves some coffee which someone in Brian's staff had prepared for them and settled down, preparing themselves for what they knew would come next.

 

“Brian,” Debbie spoke quietly, but he only held up his hand to interrupt her, which surprisingly had worked. She didn't go on and just looked at him.

 

“Before you get to speak, there are some things I have to say. I don't really care if you like to hear them or not, but these are things I just need to get off my chest. And I need to get them off my chest before we can talk about anything else,” Brian announced seriously.

 

Debbie eyed him warily for a second, but in the end just nodded, which once again surprised Brian. He had expected her to call him a 'little shit' and to tell him that no one would stop her from talking when she wanted to, but once again she had surprised him by staying quiet.

 

As Brian gathered his thoughts, he took a good look at the woman he had considered his surrogate mother for so many years. He could see that she had put on some weight and he couldn't say that he was surprised with what Carl had told him about how Debbie spent her days. Her food had always been fattening and unhealthy and if she didn't leave the house or got any movement by working at the diner, he could easily see how she would gain a couple of pounds. He also saw that the glow from her eyes had gone and her eyes looked sad and kind of dull. He had never seen Debbie that unhappy before, but he figured that that had to be expected after the year she had had as well. He started to feel something akin to pity for the woman sitting opposite him, but forced himself to not let it affect him and to go on with what he had to say.

 

He took a deep breath once he had gathered his thoughts and clasped his hands on the top of the table as he began speaking in a quiet, serious voice.

 

“I loved you like a mother. Ever since I was fourteen years old and you let me stay at your house, ever since you patched me up and gave me food, ever since you made sure I would get my homework done and would tell me off for not doing it. I loved you like I have never loved my own mother, because she never cared about me like you did. Or so I thought. I felt like you cared for me and loved me, too. When you told everyone that I was like a second son to you, I believed you and I meant it when I called you Maw and considered you more of my mother than my real mother has ever been.”

Debbie was about to interrupt at that point, but Brian just held up his hand once more. “You can talk as well, but first I need to get this out. Then you can talk,” he said quietly and at first Debbie looked ready to protest, but once Carl gently laid his hand on her arm, she just sighed and then nodded slowly.

 

This was enough for Brian to continue. “I always knew that I wasn't your real son and to me there was never any doubt about how much you loved Michael, but... call me foolish, I thought to myself that on some level you loved me just like you loved Michael. I told myself for years that you considered me as much your son as you did him, but... with time and age I realised that was never the case.”

Brian looked at her with a hard expression when he went on. “You always blamed me for anything not going right in Michael's life. You always blamed me for anything he did wrong. If Michael failed a class, it must have been my fault for making him skip classes to begin with or for all the bad things you thought I made him do. It was my fault that he smoked, it was my fault that he drank, it was my fault that he couldn't finish High School with better grades, it was my fault that he wasn't cut out for college and later it became my fault if his relationships didn't work out, it became my fault if he couldn't hold on to a job, it became my fault that he had an unhealthy obsession with me. Everything was my fault and I allowed you to tell me that again and again and again and again I took the blame and tried my best to right his wrongs, so you wouldn't stop caring for me and wouldn't stop loving me. I was so scared to lose you, that I allowed you to turn the love I knew you felt for me into an unhealthy, conditional love. I allowed you to put a price tag on our relationship, I allowed you to guilt me into paying for your mortgage, for Michael's comic book store whenever he couldn't pay the mortgage on his own or for any other bills you felt like I owed you to pay. And I did it all because I had the money and actually believed that I had to pay you back in order to keep you in my life.”

 

“Brian, I...”

“I am not finished,” Brian only said quietly, glaring at her, willing her to stay quiet. “I had no experience with any kind of love and I actually believed that it was normal to love like that. I thought it was the only love I was deserving of and that it was the only kind of love I was good enough for, but... then Justin came and... Gus came and Luke came and with time I realised that that's not how I loved them. It wasn't how I treated them and it wasn't how they treated me. I slowly learned that there was also a different kind of love, a selfless love, an unconditional love which for some reason I had never felt coming from you. And at first I thought, well, it must be my fault, I must not be deserving of that love, but Justin, Gus and Luke thought I was and the more I've been thinking about it, the more I've been asking myself why they could love me like that, but you couldn't... And then I started to understand that you didn't love me like I always thought you had loved me. I wasn't like a son to you or you would have been just as blind to my faults as you had been to Michael's for years. You always made me face up if I had done something wrong, but god forbid you would actually make Michael face his actions. No, you only did it with me, because I wasn't yours and didn't deserve as much love as he did.”

 

Brian stared at his hands as he spoke, not daring to look at Debbie or Carl. He needed to get this all out, he knew if he didn't, he would never get a chance to say these things again.

 

“And still, I didn't mind. I was okay with it. I thought: Well, if that's the only love she can give me, I'll take it. I was craving that desperately for motherly love, that I didn't mind at all. The moment I started minding was when you chose to be on Michael's side after what he did. After he helped Lindsay to abduct my child. When you chose his side then, my eyes were opened and I finally realised that you were never the mother I thought you were, the mother I wanted you to be. The mother I needed you to be,” Brian ended on a whisper.

 

“You hurt me, Debbie. Badly! I had done nothing. Michael had done something so abominably bad and still you supported him and accused me of being at fault. That hurt me more than I ever thought you could hurt me. And... I will never forget that you were the one who hurt me like that,” Brian ended. “I will always know it was you!”

 

Brian had expected Debbie to retort something, to yell at him, say something, anything really, but he hadn't expected the heavy silence that engulfed his conference room. He tried to get his own emotions under control and when he felt secure enough to actually look at either Carl or Debbie, he lifted his head and was surprised when his eyes settled on a quietly crying Debbie. Carl's hand was still on her arm in an encouraging gesture, but other than that, he didn't get involved at all. Debbie was quietly crying to herself and not knowing what to do or say, Brian just let her.

 

It took several moments for the loud, boisterous woman to calm down and when she did, she looked at Brian from eyes that were filled with so much pain and regret that he shivered from the intensity that he could see in them.

 

“I... I don't know what to say,” Debbie said quietly, in a total un-Debbie voice. “I am so sorry, Brian. God... so sorry. I wish I could have been the mother you would have deserved, but... I guess I was fooling myself as well as you when I thought I was. I... never fucking meant to hurt you, but... I know I did and I am sorry.” She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief that Carl had handed her before she continued.

 

“I am sorry that I didn't see Michael for what he was and that I chose him over you. I... I know how wrong I was to do that and...I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

She looked up at Brian until their eyes met. “You have never been anything but good to us. To all of us, me, Michael and Vic. Vic loved you so much, Brian and... I fucking wish I would have listened to him when he told me to take a good look at my son whenever I accused you of wrongdoing. I think he saw Michael for who he really was and also saw who you really were and I only wish I would have as well. You have so much love in you and... when you met Justin, I was so happy for you. He made you a better person,” Debbie said quietly, then shook her head, as if to push away that thought. “No, he really didn't. He... he only brought out the person you always have been. Sunshine was able to see the real you and brought him to the surface and I am sorry I was never able to do the same. You would have deserved so much more from me and... especially this last year, I fucked up so badly. You have no idea how much I regret all that happened and if I could... I would turn back time and this time make the right decision. I let my own guilt over Michael's upbringing cloud my judgment. I always felt so bad because he grew up with a single mother, no father in his life and I guess I felt the need to overcompensate and... I could only see that he needed me on his side because he didn't have anyone else. I didn't see that you would have needed a mother as well. How badly you were hurt and how badly I hurt you by being on his side instead of yours and... I will never forgive myself for that.”

 

She sighed as she looked down at her hands. “I have lost everyone and everything that has ever meant anything to me, I almost lost Carl as well and... I know that I deserve it all and so much more for all the mistakes I have made and for how I have treated you. I... I wish I could change the past, but I can't and now I'll pay for it for the rest of my life.”

 

“You didn't deserve any of this,” Brian said quietly, feeling for the woman sitting opposite him, the only mother figure he had ever had in his life. “Neither of us did.”

 

“I am just glad that you seem to be doing okay and I hope that Gus and Luke are doing fine as well. You deserve all the happiness you can get, Brian.”

 

“They're okay. It's been tough at times, but I think the worst is over now,” Brian said quietly, thinking about all the progress Gus had made with his therapist and how much better he was doing now. Thankfully Luke had been too small to really remember anything and had always been his sunny self.

 

“Thank you for telling me, Brian. I know I have no right to know, but... I am fucking happy they're alright.”

 

An uncomfortable silence settled over the conference room and neither of the three occupants of the room really knew what to say or how to proceed. In the end it was Carl who cleared his throat and was the first to speak.

 

“Thank you for your time, Brian. I... I think we've already taken up enough of your time and should be heading out now,” he said quietly, turning towards Debbie and nodding at her in silent conversation. She nodded back and was about to get up, when Brian's voice interrupted their leaving.

 

“Wait,” he said quietly, eyeing them from his hazel eyes, that right that moment were windows to his soul. They spoke of his pain, of the betrayal he felt and of so much hurt, but they also spoke of love and hope. “I... I,” he started, but then didn't know how to continue. He cursed himself for not knowing how to say what he knew he wanted to say.

 

Both Debbie and Carl looked at him patiently, giving him the time he obviously needed.

 

“I meant it when I said that I was hurt and... I won't lie, I can't continue with the relationship we've been having. It's been unhealthy and toxic,” he said slowly and he could see on Debbie's face how every single one of his words hurt her like a stab to her heart. He didn't want to hurt her, but he knew he needed to say this for his own peace of mind as much as for any chance at a possible future they might have in each other's lifes. “I can't expose Gus and Luke to a relationship like that,” he finished quietly, seeing new tears on Debbie's face as Carl squeezed her hand.

 

“However...,” he continued and he could see the frown on Carl's face when he spoke. “I... I don't want to lose you and I don't want Gus and Luke to lose the only set of grandparents they have. Jennifer is great, but she can't make up for a grandpa,” he said quietly. “I... I can't continue like we have, but... maybe... we can build something new... if you want to, that is,” Brian ended, surprised at himself that he had actually gotten all this out in one go and had actually said all that out loud. He felt slightly ridiculous for how nervous and scared his last words had sounded, but he couldn't help it. It was how he felt and now the ball was in Debbie's court. He had bared his soul to her and had explained his feelings to her and now it was on her to decide how to react to that. “Something healthy,” he added, almost as an afterthought and watched the emotions play on Debbie's face. He saw how her dejected features slowly perked up and how a small smile spread on her expressive face.

 

“Do you mean it?” She asked, obviously not trusting what she had heard.

 

“Yeah,” he whispered quietly and now couldn't stop his own tears from falling.

 

“I would fucking love to, asshole,” Debbie whispered just as quietly and let out a teary chuckle when she heard Brian snort in reaction to her calling him 'asshole'.

 

“Okay,” Brian said quietly and looked at Debbie from teary eyes. “I... I won't be able to just forget what happened, but... I want to try and move on from it. I want to try and rebuilt whatever can be saved from our relationship and I want it to become something healthier than it used to be.”

Debbie nodded in agreement, smiling at him through her own tears. “I would love that.”

 

Not knowing what had overcome him, Brian noticed how his feet moved closer to where Debbie stood as if on their own accord and all of a sudden he was standing right in front of her. He looked her straight in the eyes with a question in his own expressive brown eyes and when he saw Debbie nod ever so slightly, he engulfed her in his arms. Usually, she was the one that would hug everyone and everything that was moving, but Brian had seen the hesitation in her eyes and her demeanour and he had known that now it was his turn to hug her. He saw it as kind of a peace offering from his side and when he held his surrogate mother close, he finally allowed his emotions free reign. All the months of having missed her and having needed her by his side, all the months of pain and hurt, he let it all out as he hugged her close and after only a moment's hesitation was hugged back by her.

 

They stood like that for what felt like an eternity, both crying and allowing their emotions free reign, finding comfort in each other's arms and presence.

 

“Thank you, Brian,” Debbie said quietly, before she finally let go of him after what had at least been ten minutes of crying in each other's arms. “I... I am sorry and I promise, I will do better from now on.”

Brian only nodded as he wiped away his tears. “I will need time, Debbie,” he said quietly and in a serious voice, wanting her to understand that he couldn't just go back to what she might consider a normal relationship for them. “Please, understand that.”

 

She nodded quietly, leaning over and giving him a kiss on his cheek. “All the time that you need.”

 

In the end Brian promised that he would contact her when he felt ready to and Debbie accepted that without complaint. She knew that Brian had given her more of a chance than she deserved and she would do all she could to not blow it.

 

After her and Carl were gone, Brian sank down in his chair and just looked at the table in front of him for the longest time. He couldn't exactly say why, but to him it felt as if he had made the right choice when he had agreed to meet with her. He just hoped that he wouldn't be disappointed by her again.

 

 

 

Chapter 31

 

Brian was sitting at his desk, looking at the same boards over and over again. Something was just missing, but he couldn't put his finger on what exactly it was. Artistically speaking the ads looked amazing and they were as innovative as any ad Kinnetik had ever produced and yet Brian felt like something was missing. It angered him that he couldn't put his finger on what exactly it was that was missing and he sighed in frustration after he had stared at the boards for another five minutes.

 

“Fucking fuck!” He exclaimed as he tossed the boards aside and tried to focus on his computer screen instead. Maybe taking his mind off these boards would actually help and researching his newest prospective client seemed like a good enough distraction as any.

 

“Brian?” Ted asked carefully as he opened the door to Brian's office and looked inside. He had been warned by Cynthia that Brian was in quite a mood and something had obviously pissed him off, only she had no idea what it was.

 

“What?” Brian bellowed at his longtime CFO and by now best friend.

 

“Wow, who pissed in your cheerios this morning?” Ted dared to ask as he ventured into the lion's den.

 

“I don't eat cheerios, so I'd guess no one,” Brian replied deadly serious, glaring at Ted for daring to interrupt his research.

 

“Is everything alright? I haven't seen you in a mood like this in... I don't know, forever, really.”

Brian sighed, knowing that Ted had a point and leaned back in his chair. “I am fine.”

“You don't sound like it.”

“What are you? My therapist?” Brian snarked and Ted only held his gaze.

“No, but maybe you should give him a call if you feel that unbalanced.”

“Unbalanced? What the fuck?”

“Or whatever you want to call what it is you're doing here. Apparently you've done nothing but snark and bellow at people all day long. And excuse me for saying this, but I've regrettably known you long enough to know that's not your normal modus operandi anymore. Hence me showing up here, asking if you're alright.”

Brian actually looked quite bashful when he nodded. “Yeah, I am alright. Just... I don't know... These boards are missing something,” he said as he picked up the boards he had tossed aside earlier, “and I can't put my finger on what it is. It's driving me mad.”

“And everyone around you as well,” Ted chuckled, taking the boards from Brian and giving them a quick once over. Over the years he had learned quite a thing or two about the advertising business and had done client presentations every once in a while as well. He wouldn't call himself an ad man, but he definitely knew his way around the business. He eyed the boards closely, switching from one to the other, before returning.

 

“The colour seems off. I don't know, it's supposed to be for a summery product and then it's all blue and cold. I'd go for something more summer-y. Maybe yellow, or orange?”

“Orange is the new blue, huh?” Brian chuckled, not able to help himself as he was reminded of that fateful day so many years ago where Justin had handed his balls to the Eyeconics lady with that very sentence.

 

Not really understanding why Brian was chuckling like that and why his statement seemed to amuse him that much, Ted just frowned. “If you say so. You're the expert.”

“Well, I'll let the art department give it a try and we'll see if it works better in orange or yellow,” Brian said much calmer as he took the boards back from Ted. He wouldn't admit it, but he actually liked Ted's idea and thought that this might be what would make the boards perfect in his eyes.

 

“No lunch delight for you today?” Ted raised an eyebrow in confusion as he looked at his watch and saw the time.

 

“No, not today. I am too busy.”

“Too busy for a lunch break?”

 

“Nah, too busy for my 'lunch delight' as you call it.”

 

Ted actually had to snort at that. “Hold the presses. Brian Kinney too busy to fuck. What has the world come to?”

“Ha fucking ha. You should be a comedian, Theodore. Just remember: I am still your boss and I can still fire you.”

 

“But you would never dare because I know all your deep, dark secrets and you'd be too scared of me exposing them.”

 

“You wish. I know no shame or embarrassment, Theodore. At times I really have to wonder if you know me at all,” Brian drawled as he got up from his desk and locked his computer screen. “Care to join me for lunch? Knowing you, you haven't taken your break yet, either.”

 

“And you would be right. My slave master of a boss is just too demanding to think about simple pleasures like lunch.”

Being called a slave master actually gave Brian an image of himself with a whip in his hand, whipping Ted hard to get him to work harder and that image made Brian laugh out loud. When he calmed down, he walked up to Ted's side and threw his arms around his friend's shoulder.

“How about this slave master inviting you for lunch?”

Ted only nodded, a smile playing on his face as well. “Sure. Wanna try that new Indian place two blocks away?”

“I was actually thinking that we could go to the diner,” Brian suggested, not looking at his friend as he spoke.

“The diner? As in the Liberty Diner?”

“Are there any other diners close by?” Brian asked, pretending to be confused.

 

“It's just that...it's been almost a year since we've last been there and...”

“And maybe Debbie will be working and I am sure she will be delighted to see us,” Brian said silently as he looked at Ted from serious eyes.

 

All of a sudden Brian's mood made sense to the older man and he understood why Brian had been acting that weird and annoyed all day. He had probably been fighting with himself to decide if he should go to the diner or not, which was probably also the reason for Brian deciding that he was suddenly too busy for his 'lunch delight'. Now it all made sense to Ted and he could only imagine how much his friend had beaten himself up about whether or not he should take this next step in his reconciliation with Debbie or not.

 

Ted knew that Brian and Debbie had met at Kinnetik three months ago and that they had talked. According to Brian it had been an honest and good talk, but he also knew that they hadn't met again since. Yes, according to Brian they had talked on the phone a couple of times, but they had yet to see each other again face to face.

 

The accountant knew how hard it was for Brian to forgive Debbie and to move on from the pain she had caused him and he had been present and had seen just how much pain she had caused him. If he was honest with himself, he had never expected Brian to ever talk to Debbie again, but he guessed that Brian had to have loved her more and missed her more than he had expected. In the end, he didn't really have an opinion on whether or not Brian should forgive her or not, he just knew that it made him happy for his friend to see that he had obviously worked through another unresolved issue and was trying to move on from it. He just hoped that one day Brian would finally be a able to experience the happiness that he deserved.

 

“If you want to go, then that's what we'll do,” Ted replied quietly, nodding at Brian, making it clear that he would be there to support his friend in this next step.

 

Brian looked at his friend gratefully. “I am sure you must have missed the exceptional food from the diner and can't wait to try it again.”

“More like the exceptional heartburn and congestion,” Ted mumbled as he followed Brian out of the office.

 

Less than ten minutes later they made their way into the diner, not surprised to see that it was quite empty, them being later than the normal lunch rush.

 

They made their way over to an empty booth, noting that nothing had changed in the diner since they'd last been there almost a year ago. Then again nothing had changed in the diner ever since they had first started going there regularly, so it was kind of comforting that it hadn't started changing now.

 

“What can I get you, lads?” Debbie came to their table, clearly not having gotten a proper look at them yet. She had been looking at the cook and had been in a loud conversation with him as she had made her way over to their table and had then immediately taken out her notepad, looking down at it, ready to write down their orders. When she was greeted by silence, she finally looked up and looked at the men sitting in the booth in front of her.

 

“Brian! Teddy!” She gasped, clutching her hand to her chest in obvious surprise. “What are you two doing here?” She screeched, making her excitement known to the whole diner.

 

“Trying to order some food,” Brian snarked and Debbie's face fell when she heard Brian's snark. She immediately calmed down and forced herself to be more professional.

“Of course. What can I get you?”

“A chicken breast salad and a diet coke, please,” Ted started, before both he and Debbie turned to Brian.

 

“And for you?” She asked, looking at Brian with a gentle gaze.

 

“Turkey,” he started, but never got any further, because Debbie took right over.

“Turkey Breast on wholewheat, hold the mayo,” she finished for him, her eyes shining.

 

Brian's eyes shone as well as he locked gazes with her and his voice was thick when he replied. “You got it.”

“Honey, you need to eat more. You're way too thin,” she started, but then stopped herself, knowing that it was not her place to berate Brian for his food choices.

 

Having expected something along the lines of that statement, Brian couldn't help but chuckle. “I might be persuaded to try a lemon bar later,” he offered and Debbie nodded quickly.

 

“You better!” Then she walked away and placed their orders.

 

She kept her distance and left Ted and Brian to talk on their own until it was time to deliver their meals to their table.

“Here you go, you two. Enjoy!”

 

Looking from Brian to Debbie and then back to Brian, noticing his subtle nod, realising that Brian had probably thought along the same lines as he had, Ted spoke up. “Why don't you join us for a couple of minutes, Debbie? It's not that busy right now and I am sure Kiki will be fine on her own for a few minutes.”

“No, I shouldn't. You two enjoy your meal,” she waved off his invitation and was about to walk away when Brian's voice stopped her.

“Sit down, Debbie. Don't make this the first meal I have in this fine establishment where I don't get to enjoy your company,” he said, nodding at the empty seat next to Ted.

 

“I don't want to impose,” she started weakly, but was once again interrupted by Brian.

 

“It's not imposing if you're invited,” he said seriously, looking at her with a gentle gaze.

 

“Alright, but only for a minute,” she nodded in the end and sat down in the booth next to Ted.

 

“How are you, Debbie?” The accountant asked her, trying to make small talk as he and Brian had their lunch.

 

“Good. Things have been pretty good recently. Carl took me on a vacation to Las Vegas and it was just lovely. I got to see Elvis fucking Presley!” The woman enthused, making both men laugh at her obvious excitement at what could only have been an impersonator.

 

“One of two thousand,” Brian mumbled under his breath, making Ted snort out the diet coke he'd just taken a sip from.

 

“What did you say?” Debbie raised an eyebrow at him sternly, reminding Brian so much of the mother he had felt her to be to him twenty years ago. This was the look she had given him when he had fucked up and it had been clear that she hadn't been pleased with him. Somehow that look was comforting more than anything else at that moment and Brian couldn't help but smile at the memory. After a few seconds, he forced himself to say something nice to Debbie as not to offend her.

 

“That must have been a one in a thousand experience,” Brian said with as much sincerity as he could muster, putting a fake smile in place.

 

“Better,” Debbie huffed, making Brian realise that some things never seemed to change and somehow that once again felt very comforting and had a calming effect on him.

 

“So you and the detective still going strong?” Brian asked, before he took another bite of his sandwich.

 

“Stronger than ever,” Debbie smiled happily.

 

From his phone conversations with her and seeing her now, it was obvious to Brian that she and Carl had moved through their rough patch and that the cop wasn't thinking about leaving the redhead any longer. That made him happy for Debbie. After everything and everyone she had already lost, she deserved to be happy with Carl.

 

A comfortable silence settled around the table while Brian and Ted ate their lunches and Debbie just enjoyed to be in their company. When Brian had cleared away the last of his sandwich, he pulled out his cellphone and handed it to Debbie with a quiet nod.

 

She frowned as she took the phone and then her eyes grew wide as she looked at the picture that was on display on the phone. “Oh my God, is that...?” she asked and Brian only nodded, knowing that he had done the right thing when he had shown her one of his latest pictures of Gus and Luke playing together.

 

It had been almost a year since Debbie had last seen his sons and he knew how much she had always loved them. He could only imagine how much she had to have missed them and he was glad he had made this spontaneous call to show her this picture. Really, he hadn't planned on that. After he had been done with his lunch, he had been trying to find a way to start the conversation again and he just couldn't seem to think of something smart to say and in the end he hadn't really thought much as his hands had wandered inside his pockets to pick out his cellphone.

 

“There are more,” he said quietly as he nodded at his phone and watched as Debbie started wiping on the screen to get to the other pictures.

 

“I can't believe how much they've grown up. Oh God, just look at Luke. He's walking already,” she enthused, her eyes glassy from her emotions.

 

“And talking. So much talking,” Brian sighed dramatically, thinking of all the nonsense his small son was spouting. He was sure that it all actually made sense to Luke, but to him only about every fifth word made sense and everything else in between was just babbling and baby gibberish, but that didn't stop his son. From morning to evening, Luke could talk without break, which, if he was honest quite amused Brian. It reminded him of Justin, who had also always been way more talkative than was really bearable to Brian at times. It just proved to him that Luke was indeed Justin's son through and through.

 

“Well, someone has to teach you Kinney men how it's done,” Debbie snarked, but her voice held a tenderness that both Brian and Ted heard easily.

 

“That's what Mother Taylor said as well,” Brian chuckled.

 

“Jennifer? God, how is she?” Debbie asked, looking up at Brian with curious eyes.

 

“Good. Business is doing well, she loves being a grandmother, does all the crap with Gus and Luke that I can't be bothered to do with them, so it's all working out. She's happy, Gus and Luke are happy, Ted is happy that he gets to see his boss at work regularly. Everyone is happy!”

 

“Are you?” Debbie eyed him, but then lowered her gaze. “I am sorry. It's none of my business,” she said quietly, handing the phone back to Brian.

 

“I am working on it. I am getting there,” Brian said honestly, surprising both himself and Debbie that he had actually answered her question.

“That's good, honey. I am glad. You deserve it,” she said seriously, meeting Brian's gaze as she spoke, hoping that he could see the sincerity of her words in her eyes.

 

When Kiki called out for Debbie, needing her help to serve some new customers, Debbie sighed and got up from the booth. “Well, I better get back to work.”

 

Brian and Ted nodded and watched as she walked off to serve some customers. When Brian's eyes returned to the table, he frowned when he saw Ted looking at him gently.

 

“What?”

“That was very nice of you,” the accountant said seriously, nodding at Brian's phone on the table, indicating that he was talking about Brian showing her the pictures of his sons.

 

“Well, I figured it would make her happy,” Brian shrugged, sounding more nonchalant than he felt.

 

“It did,” Ted nodded, before he got out his wallet.

“Hey, the slave master said he'd invite you,” Brian waved away Ted's attempt to pay, making the older man chuckle.

“I am not used to this treatment from the slave master. I am a creature of habit, forgive me.”

“Bite me,” Brian just laughed as he put some bills on the table that would cover their bill and leave a hefty tip for Debbie.

 

“Not in your dreams, Kinney.”

 

They made their way to the door of the diner, giving Debbie a small nod and wave as they left and just as they had reached the door, Brian stopped and turned to Ted. “Can you give me a second?”

“Sure,” Ted nodded, eyeing Brian in curiousity when he went back into the diner.

 

Brian walked up to Debbie and gently tapped her on the shoulder.

 

“Do you have a second?”

“Uhm...sure...yes,” the waitress nodded, following Brian to a quiet corner of the diner.

 

“I was thinking,” Brian began and he noticed himself how he was actually fidgeting. What the fuck? Why would he fidget? He was Brian Kinney, he didn't fidget, he told himself, forcing himself to focus on what he wanted to say and to get it out.

 

“I was thinking that it might be nice if you and Carl wanted to join us for dinner on Saturday. We were planning on having a small barbecue at Britin, nothing fancy, but... I guess, if you'd both like to come... that would be nice,” Brian finished, looking at Debbie from uncertain eyes.

 

“Oh Brian,” the older woman gasped as her eyes filled with tears. It was obvious that she hadn't expected this. “Are you... are you sure?”

Brian only nodded at her, a small smile gracing his lips. “I am sure Gus and Luke would be happy to see you and Carl again,” he said, not admitting that he would be happy to see them again as well. Not that he had to, Debbie had heard the unspoken words anyway.

 

“If you're sure... yes, we'd love to come,” Debbie said sincerely, smiling widely through her tears.

 

“Great,” Brian smiled, his voice thick with emotion as he spoke. “We'll...start around five. Just bring some salad or something, if you want.”

Debbie nodded, not able to say any more through her tears.

 

Brian nodded once more, than engulfed her in a quick hug. “See you on Saturday,” he said quietly, before he turned around and walked out of the diner.

 

“What just happened there?” Ted frowned, turning to Brian once he saw Kiki walking over to a crying Debbie and taking her in her arms. When he saw unshed tears in Brian's eyes, his brow furrowed in concern. “Brian, is everything okay?”

“I think it might just be,” the younger man nodded, turning towards his friend with a small smile. “We'll have two extra guests for our barbecue on Saturday.”

When Ted understood what Brian meant with that statement, he smiled at his friend and couldn't help but give him an encouraging clap on his shoulder. “I am glad,” he said honestly, before he steered Brian away from the diner and back to Kinnetik, somehow having a feeling that his boss' mood would be way better that afternoon than it had been in the morning.

 

 

 

Chapter 32

 

It was a warm and sunny early September Saturday afternoon and Brian was smiling at his sons who were laughing happily as they were playing together in Britin's garden. He was watching them from the barbecue grill, where he had just started barbecuing some burgers and other meat.

 

They were celebrating Luke’s second birthday and the toddler was beyond happy with all the attention he was receiving from all his favourite people in the world.

 

 

He had been awoken that morning by his daddy and his brother standing in his room and singing for him, his brother making funny movements to support their singing which had excited the small boy immensely.

 

 

They had then had all his favourite food like pancakes and eggs for breakfast and after breakfast his Daddy and Gus had joined him on the living-room floor where he had been allowed to tear at and play with lots of wrapping paper, which had also been a lot of fun.

 

 

Even better had been when he had found out that there had been toys under all that wrapping paper and according to his Daddy those were now his toys. And then, shortly after all the fun with the wrapping paper and the toys all his favourite people had shown up and had brought him even more wrapping paper and toys to play with. There had even been a cake and Luke had loved eating that, though his father had claimed that he had been making a huge mess instead of eating it. Luke hadn't cared, he had been happy.

 

 

It had been a great day so far and it still was great as the whole family was sitting outside enjoying a lovely barbecue in Britin’s vast garden. Everyone was sitting together and there was lots of laughter.

 

 

Brian watched as Gus pushed Luke around the garden in his Audi Push Buggy which looked like an close replica of the real Audi Brian was driving, both boys giggling excitedly at the fun they were having. Gus loved being an older brother and helping his small brother and Luke loved all the attention he got from Gus. He adored his big brother and could constantly be found toddling after him wherever Gus went when they were home. Thankfully the older boy wasn’t at an age yet where he minded and usually just held out his hand to his younger brother, taking him along to wherever he was headed.

 

 

Brian loved seeing them together and was glad that they got on so well. He loved Gus’ protective side when it came to Luke and he loved the adoration he saw on Luke’s face every time he looked at his brother. At times he wished that his relationship with his own sister could have been a bit more like that, that they would have been closer when they had grown up, but that was a train that had long left the station and Brian had accepted that there was no sense in mourning something that was never supposed to be. Knowing the kind of person Claire had become, he didn’t really miss her all that much anyway. He knew it was better for everyone involved that they had almost no interactions at all.

 

 

“You want another beer, Brian?” Carl asked as he got up and was on his way to head into the kitchen to get another bottle for himself.

 

 

“Nah, I am fine,” Brian answered, but smiled gratefully that the older man had been considerate enough to ask. Brian never drank more than one alcoholic drink when the kids were around. Firstly, because he knew that he needed to be attentive and needed to be responsible and secondly because he didn’t want to. He wanted to be nothing like his own father had been and if that meant cutting back his alcohol intake, that was fine with him.

 

 

Carl nodded and then left the table, asking Ted and Blake on his way into the house if he could get them anything to drink. The men had just returned from a quick walk around the grounds, making the most of the privacy and silence Britin offered.

 

 

“Water would be nice,” Ted said and Blake nodded in agreement.

 

 

“Got it, boys,” Carl confirmed before he made his way inside. As he went into the house, he passed Debbie and Jennifer, who were both carrying huge bowls of salad. Debbie a pasta salad and Jennifer a green salad.

 

 

“Finally, I thought we would have to starve,” Brian snarked as he got up from his seat where he had only sat down a minute before and went to the barbecue grill again to check on the meat he had put on earlier.

 

 

“Hold your horses,” Debbie snarked right back, leaving the salad on the table. “As if you’re going to eat more than two forkfuls of salad anyway.”

 

Jennifer couldn’t help but nod in agreement when Brian looked to her for support. When he saw that he wouldn’t get any support from her, he turned back to his barbecue grill and mumbled about “fucking traitors.”

 

 

That actually made both women laugh and their laughter made Gus and Luke aware of their return outside into the garden. Both boys immediately came running over to the table and looked at the salads the women had brought with them.

 

 

“That looks yummy,” Gus announced, peering into all the bowls on the table, giving his approval.

 

 

“Yum,” Luke mimicked his older brother and pretended to look into the bowls as well. He was hardly as tall as the table and could hardly look at the top of it, but that didn’t seem to bother him, when he just nodded once more and repeated his earlier ‘yum’ statement.

 

 

“You go and tell them, sonny boy,” Brian snorted, before he came over with the first pieces of meat laden onto a plate and put it on the table as well. He then picked up Luke and tickled his son’s belly which made the small boy squirm in his daddy’s arms with laughter and excitement.

 

 

“Daddy!”

 

 

“That’s right,” Brian agreed, now holding Luke in a position where he could really peer into the bowls on the table. “Now tell us again what you think of all this food.”

 

Luke frowned for a second, not quite sure what his father had meant and then a wide smile broke out on his face when he had seemingly understood and excitedly exclaimed “Daddy!” once more.

 

 

That made everyone gathered at the table chuckle which only seemed to amuse the boy even more.

 

 

“Well, I am not sure if I agree, but if you’re happy, I am happy,” Brian said gently, before he sat down in his chair, positioning Luke in his lap and helping the toddler eat some of the delicious food on the table.

 

 

The family enjoyed a happy barbecued dinner together and conversation flowed easily all around the table. Brian watched his happily laughing sons and couldn't help but feel happy himself. Who would have ever thought that his life would turn out like this? Who would have ever thought that one day he'd have a barbecue with his two sons, their grandparents and his two friends and would be perfectly happy with that? Who would have ever thought that he could live his life without his regular visits to Babylon and the baths and would still feel fulfilled? Even more so than before? Sometimes it was amazing how life turned out, Brian couldn't help but muse as he watched Luke toddle around the table and stop in front of Debbie.

 

“Gamma!” He called out to her and lifted his arms, clearly asking to be picked up by his grandma who was only too happy to oblige and helped the small boy settle into her lap.

 

Just watching that scene made Brian's smile grew even wider. It had been amazing how things had played out over the last couple of months. Merely half a year ago he and Debbie had barely talked on the phone and now she was an inherent part of all their lives.

After Brian's invitation to join them at the barbecue at the beginning of summer, things had been awkward at first. It had been obvious that Debbie hadn't quite known how to act around Brian, the kids, Jennifer and Ted and Blake and the first barbecue had been filled with lots of tense silences. It had also been weird for Luke and Gus to see Debbie. For Luke she had pretty much been a new person in his life since he couldn't really remember her from before, but for Gus it had been pretty weird to see someone from his younger life make a reappearance. At first the boy had been really apprehensive about Debbie being at the barbecue and he had spent most of the day at Brian's side, cuddling into his daddy whenever it was possible.

 

Brian had expected Debbie to bolt at the tension and weirdness, but she hadn't. She had surprised him by speaking up to everyone present and apologizing for her behaviour and the things she had said to them and had promised that she would do better in the future. She had promised to give everyone time and had promised not to pressure anyone and she had also made it clear that she knew things couldn't go back to the way they had been before and that she didn't expect them to. She had just expressed her gratitude at her and Carl being invited to begin with and had then enjoyed the rest of the afternoon as much as had been possible.

 

Knowing that one meeting alone wouldn't be enough to make things return to normal, Brian had offered her an invitation to their own version of a weekly dinner at Britin and had offered her a way back into his family. From their earlier phone calls he had known that she had been trying really hard to give him the time that he had needed and he had known that she was trying very hard to be a better person herself.

Carl had told him in a quiet moment that afternoon that he and Debbie had started couples counselling and that it had really helped them, both as a couple, but also as individual persons. Brian had been glad to hear that he wasn't the only one who had finally accepted the help of a professional and to him Debbie seeing a counsellor was only one more sign that she was really serious.

With her having shown how serious she had been, it had then been on him to show that he had been serious as well and the invitation to the family dinner had been his best idea on how to achieve that.

 

After a couple of weeks the tension and weirdness had eased and Debbie and Carl had become more and more of a part of his little family again. Brian knew that there had also been meetings between Ted and Blake and Debbie as well as Jennifer and Debbie to work out their issues as well. At the time he hadn't really gotten involved in any of those meetings as that was between Debbie and the others and had nothing to do with things between him and Debbie.

 

Especially Luke had taken to Debbie immediately when she had reappeared and he had loved her loud, boisterous ways and he would often just sit in her lap for long times, looking at her smiling face, her bright red hair and smiling at her contently. It had taken Gus a bit longer, but after a couple of weeks, when he had seen that Debbie and Carl were a part of his life and were there to stay, he had also warmed up to them again and by now he loved his grandparents as much as he had ever which had made Brian happy.

 

Debbie connecting with his sons had also helped her connect with Brian again. If his sons were happy, he was happy. Sometimes it was as easy as that for him and if his boys liked Debbie and Carl then he wouldn't be the one to keep them away. Seeing his sons with what Brian considered to be their grandmother warmed his heart and made him happy as well. It made him feel as if another part of his life had been put back together in the way it was supposed to be and he had moved another step closer to his own happiness.

 

At times it felt to him now as if Debbie and Carl had never been gone from his life, it just felt so normal to have them around and there.

 

After having sat with his grandma for a while, Luke held out his arms in Ted's direction, who was sitting next to Debbie and called for his 'edie'. He couldn't quite pronounce Ted's name yet, but everyone around the table knew immediately who Luke wanted to sit with next.

 

The happy uncle eagerly obliged and took the toddler from Debbie, allowing him to stand on his thighs and jump up and down. Luke was gurgling with excitement and happiness and Ted was watching him with a tender gaze, a smile gracing his own features.

 

Watching the two of them together, Brian felt a sense of validation that he had made the right decision earlier that week. Now he only had to let Ted know.

 

Brian had been thinking for a long time about how he could repay Ted and Blake for all their support and friendship and help over the last two and a half years. He had wracked his brains and had known that something monetary like a bonus or a vacation might show his appreciation, but wouldn't be enough. He had known that he needed something more personal, something more special to thank them and for a long time he hadn't been able to think of anything decent.

 

That had been until he had watched a documentary a couple of days ago and had gotten an idea. He had thought about it for a couple of days and had then run it by the grandmothers who had both agreed with him that it was a lovely idea. Watching his son and Ted now, Brian knew it was the right way to thank his CFO and closest friend.

Deciding that now was as good a time as any to announce his decision, Brian cleared his throat, watching as everyone turned to him with expectant looks.

 

“There's something I'd like to say. Or announce more like it,” he started and wasn't surprised when he saw several confused faces staring back at him.

 

“For a long time I've been thinking about how I can properly thank you, Ted and Blake, for all the support you've offered me in recent years. For your friendship and help whenever it was needed and wanted.”

Brian watched as both men opened their mouths, probably to tell him that they didn't expect anything from him in return, but Brian wouldn't hear any of that. “You two, just shut up and let me finish!” He snarked and both men did as told and immediately closed their mouths again.

 

“I was thinking along the traditional lines of giving you a huge fucking bonus,” at that point Brian was interrupted by Gus who looked at him sternly, pointing out that he had used a bad word. Everyone at the table laughed at that and applauded Gus for paying such good attention on his father's dirty mouth. The small boy smiled proudly and Brian promised to try and not use any more bad words.

 

“Maybe a vacation, but the more I thought about that, the more I realised that that felt absolutely inappropriate and most of all impersonal. I wanted to do something better, something more fitting and I think I've found the right way to thank you both.”

 

Brian got up from his seat and walked around the table, taking Luke from Ted's arms, holding his sonny boy close as he waved for Gus and asked him to come over to his side. His son immediately came running and then stopped next to his father with a frown on his face.

 

“What are we giving them, daddy?”

 

“Us,” Brian said seriously, making Gus frown in confusion and the grandmothers smile gently.

 

“You?” Ted frowned, equally confused as Gus was.

 

“Well, technically speaking not really, but...in a way, kind of,” Brian hedged, then looked at his sons and back at Ted and Blake who were watching all three Kinneys in confusion and also slight excitement. They didn't know what Brian had planned, but they both knew Brian well enough to know that he was the master of the big gestures and didn't do anything small. So whatever he had planned for them would probably be really, really good.

 

“I wondered if you would do me the honour of becoming my sons' godfathers?” Brian asked, looking at both men from gentle eyes that clearly showed his affection and love for them.

 

“Godfathers?” Ted asked, not able to believe what Brian was actually saying.

“Yes, godfathers. I was wondering if you,” he nodded at Ted, “would do me the honour of becoming Luke's godfather and if you,” he now nodded at Blake, “would do me the honour of becoming Gus' godfather.”

 

“What is a godfather? I already have a father. You, daddy,” Gus pointed out, obviously not understanding what Brian was talking about and feeling confused when he saw tears on Blake's face. “Why is Blake crying? Don't make him cry, daddy.”

 

“Don't worry, son. I am pretty sure those are happy tears,” Brian said gently and smiled when Blake nodded to confirm his sentence. “And a godfather is someone who loves you very much, almost like a parent and promises to always look out for you and be there for you,” Brian explained carefully. He avoided the whole part about godparents taking care of children when they lost their parents, not wanting to alarm the boy for nothing. After all Gus had been through, he didn't need a scare like that and Brian decided that for now this explanation would have to do.

 

“Oh,” Gus frowned, then looked from his father to Blake and back. “I love Blake and I know he loves me too, so that's good, right?”

“Right, sonny boy,” Brian agreed, ruffling his son's hair. He then watched as Gus walked over to Blake and leaned into the man, hugging him as close as he could with his small arms. “Will you be my godfather? I love you, Uncle Blake!”

 

“I would love to be your godfather, Gus,” Blake replied through his happy tears, engulfing the small boy in a crushing hug. “There is nothing that could make me happier.”

 

Everyone at the table watched the scene between the two of them and no eyes stayed dry. Everyone felt tears prickling and both Debbie and Jennifer were dabbing at their eyes with handkerchiefs.

 

“Ted?” Brian asked after a few seconds, looking at the older man with an expectant gaze. “Does Luke get a godfather as well?”

“Brian, I...,” Ted started, not quite sure how to respond to such a big request. He couldn't believe that Brian wanted him of all people to be Luke's godfather. He eyed the father and son that were both looking at him and in the end just nodded, not sure that he trusted his voice.

 

“Thank you,” Brian said quietly and then handed a slightly confused Luke over to his godfather. It was obvious that the young boy didn't understand why everyone was so emotional all of a sudden and when he saw his Daddy handing him over to Ted, he was close to crying, but once he realised that it was his 'edie' his father had handed him to, he calmed down immediately and leaned into the older man. “Say hi to your godfathers, sonny boys,” Brian smiled, watching the scene of Ted and Blake hugging their godchildren.

 

When he saw how emotional the two men were and when he saw how content his sons were around them, Brian knew he had made the right decision and had found the perfect way to pay Ted and Blake back for everything they had done for him in recent years.

 

“Thank you, Brian. I... I feel so honoured that you would even consider us,” Ted muttered, still not able to wrap his head around what was happening.

 

“He couldn't have found two better people,” Debbie announced seriously, looking at the scene in front of her with tears in her eyes.

 

“Hear, hear!” Carl agreed with his partner and everyone at the table smiled widely.

 

Their happy day had just turned even happier for the extended Kinney family.

 

Luke's new Audi Push Buggy:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Avigo-Buggy-Canopy-Silver-Shipping-x/dp/B078YC88R6

 

 

 

 

Chapter 33

 

“Daddy?” A small voice asked quietly and Brian frowned when he heard it. He needed a second to understand where he was and why it was so dark. He had been sleeping in his bed at Britin when something had woken him up and that something had been Luke’s quiet voice.

 

 

“Yeah, sonny boy?” Brian replied tiredly, shaking his head to force himself to wake up some more. He slowly moved into a sitting position, switched on the light and looked carefully at his son who was standing by the side of his bed.

 

 

Luke was 4 ½ years old now and looked even more like Justin than ever before. His blond hair and big blue eyes were a clear giveaway of who the boy's father was. Just looking at him, Brian felt even more love for this small boy, who had been created by him and Justin and had gotten the best of both of them.

 

 

He had gotten Justin’s looks (something for which Brian was more than grateful), Justin’s goodness and kindness and Brian’s sense of humour and wit and his interest in soccer. As far as Brian was concerned, Luke was the perfect mixture of them both and they couldn’t have created a more perfect child. They couldn’t have gotten a child he would have been more proud of than he was of Luke.

 

 

“I am scared,” Luke mumbled, slowly walking over to his father and carefully climbing up on his bed when his father held out his arms to him and helped him up.

 

 

“Scared of what?”

 

“Monsters,” Luke mumbled, not looking at Brian, but burying his head in his father’s strong chest, a place where he knew he was safe and secure from all harm.

 

 

“What monsters?” Brian asked, gently, running a hand over his son’s back, holding the small boy close. This had been the third night in a row that Luke woke up in the middle of the night, claiming that there were monsters under his bed and that they were frightening him. Brian could curse Ted and Blake to hell and back for letting Luke watch Monsters Inc when he had been staying with them last weekend.

 

 

“In my room… under my bed,” the boy explained quietly, now leaning back a bit so he could look into his father’s eyes. His big, expressive blue eyes looked scared and fear was easy to see in them and Brian knew there was no sense in making Luke go back to his own bed. He had tried doing that for the last two nights and it had only ended in big temper tantrums from his son which had cost him even more sleep.

 

 

For once Brian decided to do what he knew he shouldn’t and lifted the corner of his blanked and nodded at Luke to climb under it. “Okay, how about this? Tonight you can stay here and sleep here and I’ll make sure that no monsters can come and scare you and tomorrow we’ll find a way to get rid of the monsters once and for all. After all it’s your room. It’s time we take it back from the evil monsters,” Brian said seriously as he watched Luke’s face relax visibly and watched his son get comfortable at his side.

 

 

“Alright, daddy,” Luke agreed as he snuggled into his father’s side, feeling way too tired to argue that the monsters probably wouldn’t just leave like that. His father seemed to think that just talking to them and explaining the situation would help, but Luke had a feeling it wouldn’t be as easy as that. Not by far. Those were bad monsters, really evil and he knew that his daddy was strong and could do anything, but Luke wondered if maybe his father had found his match in these evil monsters.

 

 

“Now go to sleep, sonny boy. I’ll make sure no monsters will come here tonight,” Brian whispered before he left a kiss on his son’s head, moving down into a lying position himself. He helped Luke get comfortable and smiled to himself when his son was back asleep less than five minutes later. Yes, Luke was clearly Justin’s son and just like his other father could fall asleep in seconds if not bothered.

 

 

Brian gently ran his hands through the blond locks, wondering to himself what he could do about their little monster “problem” in Luke’s room. He knew that he shouldn’t have given in and shouldn’t have allowed Luke to sleep in his bed, that the right thing would have been to go back to his room with him and turn on the light and show him that there were no monsters anywhere, but Brian had just been too tired for that. After two nights where his sleep had already been disrupted by Luke’s nightmares about monsters, he really needed to catch up on some sleep and especially this night it was important that he got the sleep he needed. He had an important presentation the next day for a big client that might actually put Kinnetik on the map with all those big New York agencies and he couldn’t risk not being on his best form for that presentation. So for now it had just been way easier to allow Luke to sleep by his side, allowing Brian to go back to sleep himself a few minutes later.

 

 

***

 

 

Of course Brian had killed it in his meeting with his prospective client and Kinnetik had been able to sign their biggest contract yet to date. A contract that would give them a chance to prove themselves internationally and to prove that they were as good, if not even better than those big shot ad agencies on Madison Avenue.

 

 

To celebrate the happy occasion, Brian had called it a day early at the office and had picked up Luke and Gus from Debbie’s place where they now spent their Thursdays in the same manner as they spent their Tuesdays with Jennifer, giving Brian a chance to actually spend two days a week at the office much to Ted’s and Cynthia’s delight. As much as Brian liked to work from home and liked to spend time with his sons, he knew that he was needed in the office and that as the boss and CEO he had to show his face. Two days a week didn’t sound too bad and had been a compromise everyone had easily agreed on.

 

 

Brian and his sons had enjoyed a lovely dinner at their favourite restaurant which offered, greasy, fat food for his children and healthy options for Brian. Luke and Gus had been delighted when Brian had informed them that yes, for once they were allowed to have a dessert as well as a soft drink with their dinner. Usually they had to choose either one as Brian was very careful to watch how much sugar his sons consumed, but on a special day like that he just couldn’t be bothered to spoil the good mood.

 

 

When they made their way home, Brian could feel some tension in Luke and he could only wonder what that was all about.

 

 

“Are you alright, sonny boy?” Brian asked his son who quietly made his way over to the front door, shuffling slowly as if to avoid entering the house. This was way different to the excited, always running boy Brian was used to.

 

 

“Hmmmm,” Luke nodded, as he made his way inside.

 

 

“Doesn’t seem that way to me. You’re awfully quiet,” Brian pointed out as he helped his son out of his winter jacket, boots, hat and scarf.

 

 

“Just thinking,” Luke replied, avoiding Brian’s eyes.

 

 

“About what? You know you can tell me, right?”

 

The boy nodded again, this time throwing his arms around his father’s neck and hugging him closely, surprising Brian by that action.

 

 

“Woah, what’s that for?” He smiled as he hugged his son back.

 

 

“I love you, daddy.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

 

“You’ll make the monsters go away, right?”

 

 

Brian eyed the trepidation in his son and cursed himself for not having thought of this again before. Damn, he had been so concentrated on his presentation and the new account that he had all but forgotten about the monster situation in Luke’s room. Damn, think Kinney, think, he told himself as he nodded at his son with more conviction than he really felt at that moment.

 

 

“Of course! I promised you, didn’t I? And I always keep my promises.”

 

 

“Yes, you do, daddy,” Luke affirmed, before he let go of Brian and walked into the living-room to join Gus who had already settled in front of the TV to watch one of their favourite cartoons.

 

 

Brian was trying to think of a solution to his little monster promise as he sat down on the sofa with his two sons and watched them as they watched the cartoon.

 

 

After a couple of minutes a thought came to Brian and he wondered if that might actually work out. It was something that Justin had told him a long time ago, many years ago after his bashing when he had been scared of everything and everyone and had hardly left the loft. It had been a story he had told Brian at night in their bed about how easy it had been to convince him as a child that he was safe and protected and how naive he had been for actually falling for his parents’ crap or so he had said at the time.

 

 

He could only hope that Luke would fall for the same crap Justin had fallen for as a child and that this plan would actually work. He wasn’t looking forward to another sleepless night.

 

 

***

 

An hour later Brian had bathed Luke and was just dressing him in his pajamas.

“I still have to show you how we're going to get rid of those monsters, don't I?” He asked innocently, waiting for Luke to nod in agreement.

 

“Yeah,” the small boy quickly agreed.

 

“I made extra certain that it would work extra well against those evil monsters in your room.”

“Really, daddy?”

“Really,” Brian promised as he led Luke into his room to pick something up and then walked to the boy's room with him.

 

Brian switched on the lights and opened the door to the closet and looked inside. “No monsters here. So far so good.” Then he moved over to the boy's bed and leaned down in front of it, looking under the bed. “No monsters here either.”

 

“They only come when I sleep,” Luke said quietly and Brian nodded as if that made all the sense in the world.

 

“I see,” Brian said, then sat down on Luke's bed, patting the empty space next to him. “There are no monsters now and here, I have the perfect way to keep them out once and for all. With this on your nightstand, they won't ever come back,” Brian said seriously as he handed Luke a picture of him, Justin and a younger Gus which had been taken years ago on a day out the three of them had spent together.

 

Luke frowned and eyed the picture in apprehension, not quite sure what to make of what his father was telling him.

 

“Why?” Luke asked, as he eyed the picture of his fathers with Gus.

 

“You know, those monsters really are just envious. They don't like happy children and they like happy families even less. Whenever they see a happy family, they get scared and run off. So, as long as you have this picture of your family on the nightstand, they will be too scared to come into this room. They couldn't stand to be in a room where a boy as happy as you lives,” Brian explained quietly, using his best ad man techniques to sell his story. He just hoped that Luke would buy all the bullshit Brian was just telling him.

 

“Are you sure?” The small boy asked with obvious doubt.

 

“Yes, I am absolutely sure. I have it on very good authority that this works perfectly. Wanna know who told me?”

 

Luke seemed intrigued now and nodded as he eyed his father with curiousity.

 

“Your Papa.”

 

Luke's eyes widened almost comically at that statement from his father. “Really?”

“Really. He told me that when he was younger, the monsters came to his house as well and were scaring him as well. They came to his house because just like you, he was a really happy boy and the monsters didn't like that and wanted to make him less happy. Just as with you. It was Grandma Jen who told him about monsters being scared of happy families and she put a picture of his family on his nightstand and ever since that picture was on his nightstand, the monsters have never come back to his room.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, quite incredible, isn't it? So... if it worked for your Papa, why shouldn't we try and see if it works for you as well? What do you say?”

Luke seemed to contemplate Brian's question for a minute, but then nodded. “Yeah, I want to try that.”

 

Brian put the picture of him, Justin and Gus on the nightstand and couldn't help but smile at the happy memory. It had been a good day for the three of them with lots of laughter and fun and no bullshit or drama. Just them, no one else. As far as Brian was concerned it had been a perfect day. Not that he would have ever told anyone, least of all Justin. That would only have given him ideas of commitment and family that Brian hadn't been ready for at the time.

 

He positioned the picture in a way that the people in the picture seemed to be looking at Luke and then smiled at his sonny boy. “Looks good?”

“Very good,” Luke agreed, then climbed under his covers. “Daddy? When was this picture taken?”

 

“A long time ago. Gus was only as old as you are now,” Brian said as he settled himself next to his son, pulling the small boy close.

 

“Papa looks happy,” Luke said, still looking at the picture. Over the years Brian and Gus had told Luke many stories about Justin. Brian had never made a secret out of who Luke's father was and where he was. He had started telling Luke stories of his Papa long before he had even been born and had always kept it up when Luke had been a baby. The older Luke got, Brian kept on telling him about his family as did Jennifer. Luke had always known who his second father was and Brian had tried to explain to him why his father wasn't with him. He had tried to explain about Justin being an artist and working on his career and him having to live and work in New York to achieve the career he deserved. Still being so small, Luke had just accepted that and had been happy about every picture Brian had shown him of his Papa or every story anyone in his family would tell him that mentioned his second father. Brian knew that the older Luke got, the less satisfied he would be by those stories and that there would come a day when Luke would want to know the truth and Brian had sworn to himself that he would tell his son the truth, no matter how much it might hurt or how much it might pain himself to do so, but he had sworn to himself that Luke deserved to know the truth and he would never lie to his sons. Not even if it would make him look so much better. He had made the choice to exclude Justin from Luke's life, he would live with it and all it brought with it in consequences. It had been his choice and he would face the music for it.

“He was happy. We all were. It was a nice day and we had gone to the park together. I had played some soccer with Gus and then Papa and Gus had eaten some ice-cream. We all enjoyed the day a lot.”

 

“I like it too when we go to the park.”

“I know you do, sonny boy and once it gets warmer again, we'll go to the park more often. I promise.”

“Yay,” Luke exclaimed, before he left a wet kiss on Brian's cheek. “I love you, daddy!”

 

“I love you, too, sonny boy.”

“How much?”

“Hmmmm, a lot?” Brian joked, this being a kind of thing between the two of them.

 

“A whole lot?”

“Yeah, a whole lot.”

“A whole, whole, whole, whole lot?”

“More than a whole, whole, whole, whole lot,” Brian confirmed with a smile, running his hand through his son's blond locks that reminded him so much of Justin's.

 

“So really a lot,” Luke mused, grinning from ear to ear.

 

“More than that. More than life itself,” Brian finished their little thing and leaned down giving his son a kiss on his nose which made the boy giggle and then he smiled his own version of a sunshine smile at his father.

 

“Me too,” Luke smiled.

“You love yourself too? More than life?”

“No, daddy!” Luke exclaimed exasperatedly and sighed. “I love you more than life,” he then clarified.

 

“I guess that means I am the luckiest daddy in the world.”

“Yes, you are,” Luke agreed and then smiled as Brian picked up the story book they were reading at the moment and started reading to his son, making sure to change his voice ever so slightly when a new character appeared.

 

It didn't take more than ten pages and Brian knew that his son had fallen asleep by his side. He carefully climbed out of bed, not wanting to wake up the boy and then made sure that he was covered by the blanket completely, before he whispered a quiet “Good night, sonny boy” to his son and leaned down for a final good night kiss.

 

Brian then left the room and returned to the living-room where Gus was curled up on the couch reading a book. Another half an hour and then his older son would be in bed as well and Brian knew it wouldn't take him long after to fall asleep as well. The two sleepless nights had exhausted him.

 

Barely an hour later all three occupants of Britin were deeply asleep and for the first time in a couple of days they all had a peaceful night and slept through the night until the sun rose the next morning.

 

The family picture had worked as promised and had kept all monsters away, much to Luke's and Brian's delight.

 

 

Chapter 34

 

“Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Luke, happy birthday to you!” The whole family sang as the small boy smiled his sunshine smile at them all, soaking up all the attention on his special day.

 

“Now you have to make a wish and blow out the candles on the cake,” Brian advised his son who had turned 5 that very day. 5! Damn, Brian couldn't believe that Luke was already 5 years old and had started preschool the week before. He could still remember the day he had found out about being pregnant as if it had only been yesterday and now 5 ½ years later his sonny boy was celebrating his 5th birthday. Sometimes time really did fly, Brian mused to himself as he watched Luke blow out the candles on his cake, his eyes pressed close as if he was concentrating extra hard on his wish to make it come true.

 

“What did you wish for, baby Sunshine?” Debbie asked eagerly and Brian couldn't help but chuckle when Jennifer immediately put her hands on Luke's shoulders, squeezing them, effectively stopping the small boy from speaking and having him turn around and look up at her.

 

“You don't tell anyone, honey. The less people know about this wish of yours, the more likely it is to come true. That's how secret birthday wishes work: You're not allowed to share them,” she said with a wide smile that seemed to run in the Taylor family because it looked so much like his son's smile and it reminded Brian so much of Justin's smile as well.

 

Justin. He thought about him almost every day if he was honest and every day he couldn't help but wonder if he had made the right decision when he had shut Justin out of his life. He had heard about Justin's career from Jennifer, like any proud mother she couldn't keep good news to herself and twice a year he still got his secret updates from his guy that kept an eye on Justin. He knew that Justin had moved on from him and that his career had flourished in recent years.

 

Ever since Jennifer had left for Justin's first solo show such a long time ago more shows had followed and with every show the shows had gotten bigger and had made Justin's name more prominent in art circles. By now Justin had exhibited in New York, Chicago, LA, but also in Paris, Florence and London. Brian could only guess that he had to have enjoyed the Paris and Florence shows the most. Justin had always wanted to go and see the Louvre and the Uffizi Gallery and he had heard from Jennifer that he had made the time in his busy schedule to go and see them when he had been over for his shows.

Brian couldn't have been more pleased with the path Justin's career had taken and he felt incredibly proud of his twat. Looking at his achievements, Brian felt confirmed that he had made the right choice back in the day. Justin wouldn't have gone to do shows in Europe or even just the other side of the country if he had known about his son. It had been for the best that he had never known about Luke, so his career could get to the point where it was now.

 

A gentle smile grazed Brian's features as he saw Jennifer and Luke laugh together and saw them hug. She had been the best grandmother any child could have hoped for and she hadn't only been a grandmother to Luke, but had also become a grandmother to Gus for which Brian had been eternally grateful. She had never treated Gus any differently from Luke even though Gus was not her biological grandchild and had loved him the same as if he had been her own. The same way Justin had always loved Gus as well. At times he felt amazed by how much love the Taylor family seemed to have to give and how eagerly and easily they gave it to anyone they deemed worth having it. Brian knew that he would have had a harder time letting someone into his heart, but then again he had also been fucked up by his parents and it had taken him months of therapy to see that he was worthy of love and also had a lot of love to give himself and didn't have to be scared of loving someone, that loving someone was a good thing, a thing that could bring a lot of happiness and fulfillment to one's life.

 

Having accepted that, Brian could now say honestly that he loved all the people that were gathered on his porch celebrating his son's 5th birthday with him.

 

His gaze wandered to Debbie, who was hugged by Carl as he held her close and they laughed as Luke started cutting into the cake making a huge mess of the cake while doing so.

 

Watching them, Brian noticed how happy and relaxed Debbie looked which made him happy. Their relationship in the last five years hadn't always been easy and at times it had been non-existent after the whole mess with Michael and Lindsay. Looking at their relationship now and how close they were, Brian could hardly believe that there had ever been a time when they hadn't talked for almost a year, but that was how long it had been.

Now their relationship was stronger than it had ever been because it was an honest one and it was one founded on equal love and trust. It wasn't a relationship of dependency and it didn't have a price tag anymore. After their reconciliation, they had actually managed to work on a new relationship and had been able to completely start anew. Debbie had realised the mistakes she had made before and had worked hard to not make the same mistakes again as had Brian, who had been realistic enough to know that he hadn't been perfect and completely innocent either. It had taken them time, but within a couple of months they had been able to move on from the worst time in their relationship and move towards something so much better. To Brian, what had amazed him most had been how they had for the first time in all the years they had known each other, started to honestly talk with each other. They had honestly shared their feelings for each other and even more importantly than talking about them, they had shown each other how much the other meant to them. Debbie had quickly become an integral part in his sons' lives and just seeing the way she and Carl treated his sons had made Brian open up to them as well.

It had felt good to Brian to have someone who cared for him like a real mother and who was there with advice and help whenever he needed it, but wasn't pushing her way in anymore. Debbie had accepted that there were boundaries and things that were not her concern and Brian had accepted that it helped if he sometimes showed her his affection as well, something she was craving desperately now, especially after she had lost her son and her granddaughter.

 

He knew how much it pained her that Michael wasn't talking to her. No, she wasn't condoning what Michael had done and she had made it clear where she stood on what he had done, but still he was her son and Brian couldn't blame her for still loving him. He just guessed that it was normal for parents to love their children like that. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to accept that Luke and Gus might not want to talk to him anymore for whatever reason. The thought alone broke his heart and Brian knew without a doubt that he would always love them, no matter what. Until his last dying breath he would feel love for his sons, his own flesh and blood, no matter what their decisions in life might be and he had accepted that he couldn't fault Debbie for feeling for her son in the same way.

 

He knew that Ben and Hunter had kept in contact with Debbie and Carl after everything that had gone down with Michael and Lindsay and for that Brian was glad. Debbie had loved both of them and it would have hurt her to lose them as well. Hunter was like another grandchild to her and she loved Ben as if he had been one of her lost boys. Brian knew that the meetings they had a couple of times a year weren't always easy, he had been to some himself, after all he had never had a problem with either Ben or Hunter and had liked both, but eventually conversation would always turn to Michael, how could it not and then the atmosphere would be filled with tension and weirdness. Despite all that, Brian was still glad that they met up regularly because he knew it did Debbie good to have the people she had always loved in her life. Debbie needed people around her, couldn't be alone and Brian was glad that she had people around her that loved her as much as she loved them.

The couple's therapy she and Carl had gone to a couple of year's ago had done them the world of good and had helped them build a better relationship and had helped Debbie understand things about herself she had refused to see before or maybe she had seen them and just refused to accept them. Whatever it had been, she had learned from her former mistakes and had learned to build stronger relationships with all the people in her life.

 

Jennifer's and Debbie's friendship was stronger than ever, them both being united in their love for their grandchildren and the pleasure they got from spending time with them and Brian knew that her relationship with Ted and Blake had also evolved into something wonderful that the two men appreciated as well. Ted had told Brian of several meetings they had had with Debbie after Brian and her had reconciled where they had worked through their own issues and it had made him glad when those three had also been able to start a new relationship.

 

Which brought him to Ted and Blake who were feeding each other the sickly sweet chocolate chip cake that Luke loved so much and had requested from his grandmother Debbie for his birthday.

 

Brian couldn't believe how much their lives had changed over the years. He had been witness to their first meeting and Ted ending up in a coma afterwards. He had been witness to Blake's descent into drugs and Ted's willingness to help his partner. He had been witness to Ted succumbing to drugs himself and going down that dark road himself and had then seen how Blake had turned his life around and had also helped Ted turn his life around as his counsellor. Brian had seen their failed attempt to make it work after Ted's rehab and though he would have never admitted it to either man, he had rooted for them to make it work. Ted deserved someone who loved him the way Blake did and he deserved someone who saw the man that he really was and loved him for it. Just as Blake deserved someone who trusted him and loved him and appreciated all the hard work he had put into turning his life around.

 

In the end they had found each other again and Brian was glad that they had made it work 5 ½ years ago when they had met again. He couldn't really see them apart and for him they were a fixture in his life as Ted and Blake. Both of them had helped him so much over the years, had given him their support and friendship and despite Ted working for him and also being his employee, he considered them to be his best friends. It wasn't a friendship of dependency and hero worship as it had been with Lindsay and Michael, but a true friendship. They had been there with support, had offered help and had been his shoulder to cry on whenever he had needed it and he hoped that he had been able to repay them for all they had done for him. He knew they didn't expect anything in return and would have balked at Brian's choice of words, but he just appreciated them both so much, he wanted them to have all the happiness in the world.

 

Ever since he had made them godfathers to Luke and Gus they had become an even more integral part of their weird little family and had gotten really close with the boys. Both boys loved their uncles and adored them as did the uncle the boys. The boys would spend weekends with their godfathers and Ted and Blake would take them to the circus, the movies and had even gone camping once for a weekend with the boys. Both boys loved whatever trips their godfathers had planned for them and Brian appreciated the free time every once in a while.

 

As much as he loved being a father and god knew he did, it was also nice to just have a couple of hours to himself. Brian wouldn't change anything and he loved how much time he got to spend with his sons, but sometimes it was just nice to have a couple of hours to himself. Those hours were usually the time when he would take care of his private business, after all he was still a man that lived and breathed and had sexual needs as well.

 

Brian had never tricked with his sons around and had never brought someone home to the house where his son's stayed, but knowing that their uncles or grandmothers were taking care of them for a couple of hours gave him the freedom to go out and have a visit to the baths or get a visit from his favourite escort service at the office.

 

Ted had asked Brian once if he was ready to look for a new relationship and if he wasn't interested in something more permanent than his hook-ups twice a week and even though Brian hadn't admitted it at the time to the other man, he had been seriously considering that thought.

 

He would have never admitted it to anyone, but at times he had felt incredibly lonely. Yes, his two sons were constantly around and kept him busy, yes he owned two companies and that kept him more than busy as well, but remembering the times he and Justin had spent together, he couldn't help but miss having someone by his side whom he could talk with once his sons were in bed, someone he could share his thoughts and also fears with.

Brian had never considered himself relationship material, but therapy had shown him that he deserved to be loved and that loving someone was not a bad thing and not the scary thing he had always believed it to be. He was pretty sure that if he ever tried at a relationship again, he wouldn't make the same mistakes he had made with Justin.

At times he felt sorry for how much he had messed up things with Justin. Their relationship had never been easy and Brian knew that it had mostly been his fault and that he was to blame for that. He had never made it easy for Justin to stay and he could only commend the boy for his patience and perseverance when he had been with Brian. Brian knew that he would have given up a lot sooner.

The more he had thought about Ted's question, the more Brian had realised that yes, he wanted someone in his life. He wanted to share his life with a person who would love him and his boys, but at the same time he had also known that he didn't just want it to be anyone. He had always known that if he was ever to spend his life with someone it would only be one person: Justin. Justin had been it for him and since Brian had fucked that up royally and for good, he knew that there was no other relationship on the horizon for him.

 

He knew that even if he would try with someone else, it wouldn't make him happy and wouldn't fulfill him like being with Justin had. There had just been something very special about his blond twink that no one else had. So Brian had accepted a long time ago that he wasn't cut out for the relationship thing which was also what he had told Ted in reply, without going into any more detail.

 

If he was ever to try at a relationship again it would be with Justin and that was completely out of the question, something Brian had accepted over the years. First of all too much time had gone by and things between them had changed and would never be the same again. Secondly Brian knew that Justin would never forgive him once he found out about Luke and Brian knew that there was no hope for them to move past that if Justin ever found out the truth. So Brian had accepted what his life had become and had been happy with that. His sons had become his reason to live and had become the greatest joy he could ever imagine. He didn't need anything more than them to be happy.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Ted asked as he moved to Brian's side and clinked his glass of orange juice with Brian's.

 

Brian couldn't help but chuckle at the irony of them clinking glasses of orange juice. Ted didn't drink because of his former addiction to drugs and wanting to stay clear of any temptations and Brian didn't drink when the boys were around.

 

“Something amusing, I see,” Ted commented as he watched Brian.

 

“Just life, you know? How things have changed over the years and all,” Brian said evasively, smiling at his sons who were telling a story to their grandmothers about earlier that morning when Luke had unwrapped his presents. He loved their enthusiasm and happiness.

 

“That sounds sentimental,” Ted pointed out as he watched the boys and their grandparents as well.

 

“No, not really. More like realising how lucky I've been and counting my blessings.”

“You seem quite content, if I may say so.”

“I am. I would even go as far and call myself happy,” Brian admitted with a small smile.

 

“Hold the presses! Brian Kinney saying he's happy? That's worth a big headline,” Ted chuckled.

 

“Shut up, Theodore,” Brian joked, poking his friend in the ribs with his elbow.

 

“I am happy for you, Brian. You deserve it,” Ted said honestly as he turned to look at his friend. When their gazes met, Brian nodded.

 

“So do you. You and Blake seem quite happy yourself if I might say so,” Brian said with an amused grin as he watched the way Blake looked over at them and then settled his loving gaze on Ted.

 

“I can't complain,” Ted smirked, taking a sip from his drink to try and hide his blush. Unsuccessfully.

 

“That's great, Ted. You deserve it as well.”

 

“Who would have ever thought that one day our lives would be drinking orange juice at a 5th birthday party?” Ted mused as he eyed the scene in front of him with everyone laughing at something Luke had just said.

 

“Not me, that's for sure,” Brian agreed, then started to move towards the table where everyone was sitting. “But you won't find me complaining,” Brian said before he made his way over and sat down in his empty chair. He smiled when Luke immediately came running over and settled in his lap.

“Daddy! This is like the best day ever! I am so happy!” The boy exclaimed happily and Brian saw the truth of that statement in his shining blue eyes, his rosy cheeks and most of all the blinding smile he was giving him.

 

Brian kissed his son's forehead and held him close. “I am happy too. Happy that you are happy and enjoying your birthday.”

“It's the best birthday ever,” Luke enthused as he leaned closer and snuggled into his father's strong chest.

 

Three hours later, after lots more food and fun, everyone started to get ready to leave. Brian and Ted went to Brian's home office for a quick chat to talk about an upcoming client presentation they would have the next week while everyone else helped with the clean up of the birthday party. Brian had told them that he would take care of everything later, but as usual the grandmothers had just ignored what he had said and had rallied the troops. Knowing that resistance was futile, Brian had accepted that they would take care of clean up and had pulled Ted away into his office.

 

“So, everything is ready for Tuesday?”

“Yep, I have confirmed with Emmett and he'll deliver the food an hour before the presentation starts. It will be the usual, so all should be fine,” Ted confirmed.

 

Brian nodded as he looked at the boards on his desk for what felt like the hundredth time.

 

“Is he still complaining about having to cater for Kinnetik?” Brian asked, not able to keep the amusement out of his voice.

 

He and Emmett hadn't seen each other in a long time and ever since that day so many years ago when Emmett had come into his office and had reamed him a new one for how he had treated Justin their ways had parted. Emmett had moved further and further away from the Liberty Avenue family and had made quite a name for himself as a caterer and party planner.

Brian couldn't say that he had been particularly sad about Emmett moving away from the Liberty Avenue gang. Emmett had always been more Justin's friend than Brian's really and knowing that there was no danger of Emmett finding out about his sons also meant there was one less chance for Justin to find out about Luke.

He had always admired the tall queen for standing up for himself and being proud of who he was and of never hiding his true flame, but they hadn't been as close as Brian and Ted had been for example or Brian and Michael for that matter. So it hadn't bothered Brian all that much when Emmett had disappeared from his life.

 

Ted and Emmett had maintained a friendship and that friendship had been Kinnetik's way in to become a customer of Emmett's catering company. Emmett had at first refused to cater Kinnetik events and help someone he considered to be an asshole through and through, but Brian had known that he wanted Emmett to cater for his company. Emmett was the best and Brian wanted the best and he wouldn't have stopped at anything to convince Emmett to work for Kinnetik. He would have been willing to pay him twice as much or apologise to him in person if it had meant getting him to cater Kinnetik events, but thankfully it had never come to that.

His trusted CFO had pulled some strings and had used his friendship with Emmett to convince him to cater Kinnetik events. Emmett's and Ted's friendship had continued on, despite Ted still working for Brian and Emmett moving away from the Liberty Avenue life. They had been so close as friends, nothing could have destroyed their friendship.

 

In the end that friendship and Emmett not wanting to disappoint Ted had made him agree to cater Kinnetik events under the condition that he didn't have to work with Brian and would only have to deal with Ted or Cynthia. That stipulation had been fine for Brian, since he had hardly been at the office anyway and since not seeing Emmett made his life a lot easier to begin with.

 

By now Emmett had been catering Kinnetik events for nearly five years and Brian knew from Ted that with every new event the tall queen would grumble and complain about working for Brian. It was amusing to hear for Brian how Emmett could still queen out about catering for Kinnetik after five years. Some things would probably never change.

 

“Is the sun rising every day?” Ted chuckled, at times also amused by Emmett's legendary queen outs.

 

“I'll take that as a yes,” Brian grinned as well, before he put the boards back on his desk and was ready to leave his office.

 

“You know, you should really talk to him, Brian. I am sure he would understand,” Ted said quietly, not for the first time bringing this up.

 

“No, he wouldn't which really only says good things about him. It's better this way,” Brian sighed as he walked over to his friend. “I know that you believe that he and Drew could join our little happy family, but... I don't see that, Ted. The one thing Emmett and I have always had in common is that we both cared about Justin way too much in our own way. I don't want to put him in a position he doesn't need to be in,” Brian said quietly and Ted only nodded in acceptance. He and Brian had talked about this before and he knew Brian's view on things.

“I am sorry you're caught in the middle. I know he's a close friend to you,” Brian said with sincerity and Ted only waved his apology away.

 

“It's not like I am not used to it. It could be way worse,” Ted said in acceptance of what things were and joined Brian as they left the office.

 

They had barely made their way back into the living-room when Jennifer walked over to Brian and asked him for a quick conversation as well.

 

Brian led her to his office, feeling quite amused that he was already back in the room just a minute after having left it with Ted.

 

“What do you want to talk about, Mother Taylor?” Brian asked, using the name he always used for her, a name that showed his respect, admiration and yes, dare he say so love for this woman. He had always respected Jennifer for the way she had loved Justin and in recent years they had become really close as well with the way she was a grandmother to his sons and he knew that she considered him a son as much as Debbie considered him a son as well. She would have been a great mother-in-law if he and Justin had gone through with the wedding that had never been. He just knew it.

 

“It's about Justin,” Jennifer said, getting straight to the point, knowing that that was how Brian liked it best.

 

“What about him?” Brian frowned. Jennifer hadn't talked about Justin in a couple of weeks since he had returned from his last show in Italy. “Is everything alright?” He couldn't help but keep the concern out of his voice and the smile on Jennifer's face told him that she had heard it as well.

 

“Yes, it's nothing bad,” she immediately calmed the man, before she rested a hand on her hip. “At least I don't think so,” she added as an afterthought.

 

“You're making me nervous here, Mother Taylor. Just say whatever it is you need to say,” Brian urged her.

 

“He'll be moving back to Pittsburgh,” she told him calmly, not surprised by the shock she could see on his face. She watched the emotions play out, she saw the shock, the hope which was quickly replaced by dread and in the end what stayed was confusion.

 

“To Pittsburgh?”

“Yes, he's coming down tomorrow and he has asked me to check out properties for him to look at for early next week,” she said quietly.

 

“How long have you known about this?” Brian eyed her warily, knowing that she had to have known for quite some time if she was already showing him properties early next week.

 

“Not long. A week or two really.”

“Why are you only telling me now?” Brian asked, eyeing her carefully.

 

“I didn't want you to queen out over this and I know that you will. I've known you long enough, Brian and... it was Luke's birthday. I didn't want to spoil that.”

 

Brian only nodded, still reeling from what she had told him, not even getting back at her for accusing him of having queen outs.

 

“When?” Was all Brian asked after several minutes of silence.

 

Jennifer knew what he meant with that question and met his gaze square on. “As soon as possible. Probably a week or two from now. He asked me to show him only properties that were available to move in right away.”

 

“What about what's his name?” Brian asked, refusing to say the name of Justin's latest boyfriend. Over the years Justin had had three boyfriends in total and Brian had always pretended to be happy for Justin and deep down on some level he had been because he had wanted his former fiance to be happy, but every time a relationship had ended, he couldn't help but feel some slight sense of relief and also hope.

 

“They broke up a while ago. They didn't seem to want the same things or so Justin said,” Jennifer told Brian quietly.

 

Brian nodded, then paced through his office for several minutes before he turned to Jennifer. “Why Pittsburgh? Why doesn't he stay in New York?”

“You know why, Brian,” Jennifer said silently, looking at Brian in a meaningful way.

“His career is in New York.”

“You're not.”

 

“That should be of no concern. We've been over for more than five years now. He shouldn't come back to the Pitts for me.”

 

“I just want you to be prepared, Brian. I am sure he'll come and seek you out. He never told me, but I think he still loves you and he's coming back to Pittsburgh because that's where you are and where he'll get the answers he didn't get five years ago,” Jennifer said seriously and Brian could only nod.

 

He knew he had been fooling himself when he had believed that Justin had moved on from what had happened five years ago and had all but forgotten about him, but now, knowing that Justin was coming back to Pittsburgh, Brian couldn't help but feel dread in his stomach.

 

Jennifer saw his expression and knew what it meant. She moved over to his side and pulled him into a hug. “It's time, Brian. Maybe it's for the best,” she said quietly, hoping that she was right.

 

When Brian didn't say anything, she went on.

 

“You wanted him to get the career he deserves and he got it. He worked damn hard for it and made it. He's a successful artist and his pieces are well sought after. He did what you wanted him to do and maybe... maybe it's time that he finds out the truth.”

 

In the end all Brian could do was nod, knowing that she was right. He had always known that one day Justin would find out the truth about what had happened 5 ½ years ago, he had always known that one way or another he would find out about Luke, if only by the boy being old enough to ask questions about his second father and wanting to get to know him. Brian had always known the day that Justin would find out about Luke would come, so why did he feel so unprepared?

 

“Why are you telling me about this?” Brian asked her as he raised his eyes to meet her. “Why not just let him show up and surprise me?”

 

“You know him better than anyone, Brian. We both know that. This way you have a chance to do the right thing for everyone involved,” she said quietly, before she left him to his thoughts and on his own in his office.

 

He knew what she was referring to and what she wanted him to do. She wanted to give him time to prepare for how he was going to tell Justin the truth about Luke. She wanted him to tell Justin on his own terms in a way that would hopefully be less painful than just stumbling upon the truth one day. And he appreciated her for that. She didn't only care about Justin's feelings in this, but also about his and Luke's. She was trying to find the best way for everyone involved and he knew that now it was on him to go through with finding a solution to their not so little problem.

 

 

***

 

“Daddy, look at my sun,” Luke pushed the paper towards his father and Brian smiled as he looked at the sun with a smiling face that his son had painted.

 

“A true artist at work,” Brian complimented his son who smiled widely at Brian's comment.

 

“Really, daddy?”

“Really! It looks great and I love it,” Brian confirmed as he ruffled his son's hair. He then turned over to Gus' piece of paper and looked what his older son was drawing. His painting seemed to show some flowers from their garden if Brian saw correctly. “What are you drawing?”

Gus pushed over his paper to Brian as well and smiled as he explained that he had been drawing the flowers next to the pool because he liked them best as they were so colourful and beautiful.

 

Brian could only agree and then congratulated his older son on his talent as well. And Gus really did have true talent. He had to have gotten it from Lindsay, who had used to draw and paint herself and Brian was amazed time and time again by how well his son seemed to be able to draw and how much he seemed to love it. At times Brian wondered if he had his own small artist in the making in the form of Gus, who more often than not could be found drawing or painting something while Luke could rather be found outside playing in the garden with his soccer ball or riding his bike.

 

It was funny that at times Gus reminded him more of Justin than Luke did, since it was obvious that Luke had inherited his own love for sports and adventure. That thought brought him back to Justin and Brian sighed quietly, not able to help it.

Jennifer had told him that Justin had moved into his new house in Pittsburgh two days ago and Brian knew that he would have to seek him out soon before Justin stumbled upon the news of having a son. Brian had never kept Luke a secret and many people knew about him and it would only be a matter of time before Justin heard the news now that he was back in Pittsburgh. Brian knew he needed to tell Justin himself and he was glad for Jennifer coming over later for lunch. He wanted to ask her for Justin's address and wanted to show her the custody agreement he had had his lawyer draw up the week before and wanted to hear her thoughts on what she thought would be the best way to present this to Justin. He had set himself a deadline of the end of the weekend and had forced himself to talk to Justin before the weekend was over.

 

Thankfully, it was only Saturday morning yet and he still had some time to his self-imposed deadline, time that would help him figure out the best way to tell Justin the truth.

 

“Is Grandma Jen early?” Gus asked with a smile as he heard the doorbell ring. Brian frowned, not expecting any visitors but Jennifer, who wasn't due for another hour.

 

“I actually don't know. Just let me go and see who it is. You two continue drawing,” Brian instructed his sons as he pushed away his own pencil that he had used for his own painting after Luke and Gus had urged him to join their early Saturday morning drawing session.

 

“I hope it's Grandma Jen,” Gus told his smaller brother with a smile. “I am really hungry.”

“You're always hungry,” Luke replied seriously as he eyed his bigger brother, then they both laughed when Gus pointed out that the same was true for Luke.

 

Brian couldn't help but chuckle at his sons' banter when he moved to open the front door. Who he saw there made his blood run cold. No, no, no. This was not the way he had planned to do this. “J-Justin...,” he stuttered after several seconds of silence between them. He couldn't believe that Justin had actually made his way to Britin within two days of him moving back to Pittsburgh. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This was definitely not how Brian had wanted him to find out.

 

Not knowing what else to do or how to react, Brian did what he had always done best and put up his walls, trying to appear as nonchalant as he could. Please, don't let everything go to shit, he prayed silently as he listened to what Justin had to say.

 

When he heard the coldness in the younger man's voice, Brian knew that there was no way this day was gonna end well.