Brian sat there on the chair that was uncomfortable, but he didn’t notice. His white shirt and scarf covered in blood. Blood was smeared all over his face and hands, his throat sore from screaming. He was staring at a point on the wall, but wasn’t paying any attention to the information pamphlets on the walls. He couldn’t stop replaying the last hour and a half in his head, remembering the sound of the bat hitting the head of the man he could now admit, at least to himself, that he loved.

All he could see when he closed his eyes was that Sunshine smile that was on the face of the man nicknamed appropriately, as he looked over his shoulder at Brian. Walking, or more like dancing, away from the Jeep, smiling and being his overall happy self. Brian was stuck in the memory that was replaying over and over again in his head that he couldn’t stop but desperately wanted to. No matter how many times it replayed, the ending never changed.  He felt Michael next to him trying to give him silent support, but it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. What mattered was the kid, no man, that was laying somewhere in the hospital, possibly dying, or worse, already dead. There wasn’t a thing that Brian could do to help and that’s what was killing him silently from the inside out.

The tears that he fought to not cry were making their way down his face. He swiped at them in anger, at himself for letting it happen, at the hospital for not fucking TELLING him anything, at the school for not doing something when all of this fucking shit started with the fucking graffiti on his locker, or at the fucker, Hobbs, who caused this pain, this worry, this fucking unknown future. But one thing was for sure, when, not if, WHEN Justin pulled through this, everything was going to change. Brian had seen a glimpse of what life could be like tonight. Before the bashing. Before the bat.

And he could admit now that that life is exactly what he wanted. The smiles, the free-caring life, the love that shone from Justin’s face, the love that Brian hoped reflected in his eyes, that he could only hope Justin saw. More tears fell as he realized that Justin never heard the words, those three words he usually fought so hard against, when he had whispered them repeatedly in his ear in the ambulance. Justin was unconscious the entire time but he knew he had to say them, even if it was too late.

Mikey moved next to him, pulling him from his own head. Something he wasn’t sure if he was grateful for or not.

“Do you want something to drink?” Mikey asked. Brian wordlessly shook his head. “Something to eat?” again Brian shook his head. “Is there anything I can do?” Mikey asked, exasperated, as Brian reached over and grabbed his hand, silently thanking him just for being there. Brian felt it as Mikey squeezed back gently in understanding. The doors opened, and as a doctor walked out, Brian stood quickly.

“Where’s Justin? What’s happening? What’s going on? Please, can you tell me anything?”  Brian knew he threw the questions at him at 1,000 miles an hour, but he needed answers, and he needed them NOW! He saw the Doctor take a deep breath and his heart stopped. He started to cry freely now, not caring who the fuck saw him anymore. He imagined the worst, because that’s all he had done the whole time, sitting in this fucking uncomfortable chair, in the fucking hospital which he despised. FUCK!

“Mr. Kinney you need to calm down, take a deep breath before you hyperventilate.” The Doctors calming voice fought its way through the fog in his brain. He looked over at the doctor who was kneeling in front of him with a reassuring hand on his arm. When did he end up on the floor? What the fuck was going on?

“Justin is stable, Mr. Kinney.” Three words that he needed to hear. That’s all he heard. Then he heard sobs, who was sobbing? His shirt felt wet, not just with blood but with tears. Where did they come from? It took a minute to realize it was him sobbing and his shirt was wet from the tears that were falling from his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried this much, or this hard. Even when his dad used to bash him as a child he never cried. To Brian, it was a sign of weakness and he didn’t do weakness. No excuses, no apologies, no regrets. Didn’t do love, in and out with minimum amount of bullshit and maximum amount of pleasure.  Well that was bullshit. Trust Sunshine to fucking blow everything he ever fucking believed in, every fucking motto, into pieces in a matter of hours.

Apparently he did cry, he did do regrets, he did do apologies, and he did do love. Fucking Sunshine. He could admit now that he should have seen it coming. It didn’t happen in a matter of hours, it happened like falling asleep. Slowly, then all at once. All because of one persistent kid. The one whose future was currently unknown.

“But,” the doctor continued. “There has been a complication.” Brian’s world, for what felt like the 1,000th time, stopped again that night. What complication? What the fuck was going on now? Had Sunshine bleeding all over the fucking garage floor and all over Brian not been enough? Wasn’t him being unconscious in this mother fucking hospital somewhere where Brian couldn’t fucking get to him enough?  When was enough fucking enough?

“Who is his Medical Proxy?” the doctor asked.

“Me, last I heard.” Brian answered. At Mikey’s questioning gaze, he continued. “We had it changed on his 18th birthday. He was concerned about what would happen if anything happened and his dad was still his proxy, so we spoke to a lawyer and got it changed. I uhm,” he paused and took a deep breath now and scratched the back of his head, a sure sign of his nerves. “I changed mine too.” He glanced apologetically at Mikey since they had decided in Babylon that they wanted to be each other’s.

“Well, we need consent to perform multiple tests,”

“What tests? What’s wrong? I’ll sign anything you need me to. Just please, save him.” Brian pleaded with the doctor, interrupting whatever the Doctor was going to say.

“Why don’t we take a seat?” The doctor gestured to the uncomfortable chair again. Brian nodded, stood and slowly moved towards it, without even realizing he was doing it, not knowing how he was lifting his feet to get there. He sat, slowly, and realized just how uncomfortable these god damn fucking chairs were. “We need to perform further CT scans and MRI scans. We opened the skull to relieve the pressure on the brain to prevent what is known as coning. Coning is where the brain stem is pushed down into the small cavity at the base of the skull where it meets the spinal cord. The brain stem is the part of the brain that controls breathing and connects the nerve connections of the motor and sensory part of the brain to the rest of the brain.” Brian nodded, understanding so far. He hated it, but he understood it.

“That procedure went fine, to a point.” Brian held his breath, again. “There’s no easy way to say this. Unfortunately, when we opened him up, we found a mass.” Brian couldn’t breathe anymore. He knew he was going into shock, but he needed to hear more, if only he could just stop, just to hear what the fuck was going on. “We took a biopsy that was marked as urgent, while we were there and it came back positive for cancer. Justin has brain cancer.”

What. The. Fuck?

What the fuck was happening now? There must be some mistake. There had to be. Right? Because Justin, sweet innocent sunshine, hadn’t done anything to deserve this. Hadn’t done anything to ask for this? Did he actually owe Justin’s life to Chris Hobbs for bashing him over the head with a fucking baseball bat? Justin -- his Justin -- was sick. The guilt he already had grew tenfold. Brian couldn’t lose him. Couldn’t lose Justin. He would die. His heart was already breaking. He should be the one laying in that hospital bed. Not Justin. Never Justin. He started sobbing, full, big deep breath sobs when he heard voices down the corridor. He knew those voices. But he couldn’t deal with those voices. He couldn’t. Not at the moment. He reached beside him blindly for Mikey and grabbed his hand. Mikey understandably looked torn. Did he stay and help Brian, his best friend, or did he go and deal with the voices? Brian seemed to take the decision out of his hands when he stood.

“Can I see him?” Brian’s voice sounded weak, even to himself. The Doctor nodded.

“But only one person at a time. And I know it’s a shock, but we do need the tests done ASAP so we can work out the best plan of action from here. I’ll take you there now.” Brian nodded, like a lost little boy, because that’s exactly what he felt like. He squeezed Mikey’s hand gently once and walked off, following the doctor.

Mikey stood there watching with his heart breaking for his best friend. He watched as Brian followed the doctor, not paying any attention to where he was going, or who was surrounding him. That was the moment that Mikey realized himself that Brian Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue, was in love with Justin Taylor.  He prayed to a god he didn’t believe in, not to take Brian’s sunshine away, because if he did, it would break the man walking down the hall, and Michael knew the family wouldn’t be able to put him back together. He knew in that moment that Sunshine was Brian’s entire world.

Mikey took a deep breath, gathered his thoughts and braced himself for the onslaught that was inevitable. He had some explaining to do to the others.

“Seeing Justin like this will be quite a shock, Mr. Kinney. Remember, at this stage he’s stable, but the next 24 hours are critical.” The doctor warned gently while they were standing at the door to the room. Brian just nodded his head.

“Please, call me Brian. I’m positive we’ll be seeing a lot of each other in the next few days. Weeks even.” Brian took a deep breath and braced himself.

Brian’s breath was stolen as he walked into the room to see Justin connected to so many wires. Frozen at the doorway, he had to take a minute to collect himself. He never realised that one single person, who was as small as Justin looked, could have that many wires attached to them. Brian’s eyes slowly followed the wires to the countless amount of machines surrounding Justin. So they were the source of the beeping that was infiltrating Brian’s mind. The incessant noise was the only thing keeping Brian in the here and now.

He noticed on one of the machines were a bunch of numbers: heart rate, blood pressure, O2 Levels, whatever the fuck that meant. He noted that his heart rate was steady and he sighed a little in relief. He took another deep breath in and took a step towards Justin. Brian noticed that the doctor was standing at the door behind him in silent support. He was thankful that the doctor was allowing him to take his time. To absorb everything in his own time. One step. Two steps. Three. And suddenly he was across the room standing next to the bed.

“Can I,” Brian paused and took another deep breath. He had to be strong. “Can I touch him?” Brian heard the hesitancy in his own voice and hated it. Brian was usually so confident, sometimes too much, but at the moment he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be doing. This was a dance he had never danced, and never wanted to dance again. He glanced at the doctor, silently hoping he wouldn’t say anything about it.

“Of course. It is better for the patient to be touched. We had to place him in a medically induced coma to alleviate the swelling of his brain. Until he wakes up, we can’t be sure about the damage done, if any, but it's safer for him to be in a coma at this point.” The doctor explained. “But there are studies that show that a patient can hear and feel everything while they’re in a coma. They just can’t respond. Feel free to touch him. Talk to him. Cry. Do whatever you feel. Just be careful of the wires, that’s all.”

Brian slowly nodded and reached for Justin’s hand. He noted that he was shaking, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. He didn't want to. He didn’t care. He just needed to touch him. Feel that he was real. He hesitated, but only for a second. When Brian grabbed his hand he realised that it was warm. Not cold like he was expecting. He let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. It was more proof that things were going to be okay. They had to be.

Even though the machines all around him were telling him Justin was alive, he needed the physical reassurance. Justin’s hand being warm was just that. The reassurance he needed. Brian felt his shoulders sag in relief. Justin just looked like he was asleep.

“Hey Sunshine,” he whispered. Brian felt if he was too loud it may startle Justin, waking him up, and by the looks of him, he needed all the sleep he could get. It wasn’t until now that Brian noticed just how bad he actually looked. Brian started a mental inventory of everything.

His hair was gone. They obviously shaved it to get to the skull, which made sense. How else were they supposed to get to his skull? Brian moved his eyes across to the site of the surgery. There was a line, 8 inches long if Brian had to guess, that went from the front of his head to the back on the right side.

“Why the right side?” Brian asked the doctor, who was still standing in the doorway, giving him both time and space, but Brian didn’t look at him. He kept his eyes trained on Justin.  

“We had to operate on the opposite side of the injury due to not knowing the full extent of the damage done when he was hit,” the doctor explained. Brianjust nodded and continued his cataloging.

Justin's eyes were closed and he wished he could just see the bright blue eyes looking back at him, shining with love, even if it was for just a second. Surrounding his eyes, though, was all black. It looked as though he had just been punched in the eyes instead of hit in the head with a fucking baseball bat. He squeezed Justin’s hand again, still situated in his. Reassurance he was still real. His nose, which he often caught himself thinking was cute when it was scrunched up, was okay. His mouth was lacking his usual sunshine smile. His lips were a little less pink than usual but weren’t closed all the way due to a tube being stuck down his throat. Brian’s eyes followed the tube to a machine. Life support, he realised belatedly. His shoulders shook with silent sobs and Brian brought thehand that wasn’t holding Justin’s up to his face, wiping the tears that were steadily falling now away.  

Brian’s eyes went back to Justin, and he watched as Justin’s chest rose and fell slowly a few times. As though he was just asleep and this was all just a nightmare. If only it would be that easy. Brian wished it was just a nightmare that he could wake up from. But alas. This was real life. Everything else looked okay. Well, as okay under the circumstances.

One more deep breath. He could do this. He had to do this. Justin’s face in general was paler than normal, but he figured that wasn’t an issue. He took in all the machines surrounding him, the beeping -- which was an annoyance at first -- a comfort now. The beeping was what showed that Justin was alive. Was okay. Well, as okay as could be expected. Brian squeezed Justin’s hand again and took another deep breath. He slowly turned to the doctor, but refused to let go of Justin’s hand. The hand not holding Justin’s rose to his face again and he scrubbed it hard.

“What forms do you need signed? What needs to be done now?” Brian didn’t want to know, but at the same time he knew he needed to know. As much as he hated it, he needed to know what the next step was. What was expected. He braced himself for the long, torturous road ahead.

“Just the consent forms for more testing to be conducted on the mass that we found. MRI scans and CT scans. Hopefully, with them, we will get a clearer picture of what we’re dealing with and from there we can come up with the best plan of action. I have them here if you’re ready to sign them.” The doctor explained gently. Brian took yet another deep breath. He couldn’t break. Not yet. Not ever. He had to be strong. He had to get Justin through this.

Brian couldn’t believe it. Just a few short hours ago he was getting ready to surprise Justin at the prom. He was excited to see the sunshine smile that he knew was going to grace his young lover’s face when he saw him. He was apprehensive about what the gang was going to think. He was nervous about what Justin was going to say, but he was hopeful Justin would read exactly what he was trying to tell him without saying the words. But now they were here. In this stark white room. Justin fighting for his life. Brian barely holding it together, and still having to hold it together long enough to tell everyone else.

Wordlessly he reached for the forms that the doctor was holding in his hands and read quickly through them. The information on them was pretty much was the doctor had already told him, so he signed them and handed them back, instantly reaching for Justin’s hand again.

“When will they be done?” he asked, silently hoping he had a few minutes to just sit quietly with Justin before the next round of mayhem began.

“I’ll get a nurse to bring you in a cot and blankets for yourself, so you can try and get some rest. I’ll organise for the tests to be done tomorrow morning. It’s 3am now, and I know you haven’t stopped. I’ll go and organise everything. Is there anything else you need?” Brian shook his head, thankful that the doctor was being so understanding. “Just press the buzzer if you need anything at all, Brian. I know it’s hard right now, but we will get Justin through this. I’m here if you have any further questions.”

“Thank you, Doc.” Brian muttered quietly, collapsing into the chair beside the bed, hanging his head low, still gripping Justin’s hand as a lifeline.

Brian opened his eyes and glared at the bright light coming in through the window, as if it was the sunlight’s fault he was awake. He glanced down at his hand and saw he was still gripping Justin’s hand. He squeezed it gently and slowly brought it up to his mouth. He dropped a kiss and slowly setit back down.

He hadn’t slept much last night, with all the machines beeping. It really didn’t help that every time he did manage to close his eyes, his mind helpfully replayed the scene in the parking garage and the doctor telling him they found a mass in Justin’s brain. Fuck! It wasn’t all a nightmare.

He let go of Justin’s hand and stood up slowly, stretching all the muscles that had seized up overnight. A nurse had brought in a cot, like the doctor had promised, but he hadn’t used it. Brian didn’t want to let go of Justin’s hand and wanted to stay close, in case he woke up. Which Brian knew wasn’t going to happen yet, but he still held hope. After stretching, he bent down to softly kiss Justin's forehead.

“I’ll be back Sunshine. Don’t wake up while I’m gone,” Brian whispered. He stood back up and went in search of a toilet. He desperately needed to take a piss and throw some water on his face. A coffee wouldn’t go astray either.

He gingerly opened the door and took half a step out of the room before he was attacked. He tensed up until he realised someone had run over and was… giving him a hug? What the fuck? He relaxed slightly when he saw the blonde hair that matched that of the man laying on just the other side of the door.

“Jennifer,” he whispered. “It will be okay.” Brian was crap at comforting people but he knew he needed to do this for his, -- he shuddered at the word -- mother-in-law. He knew Jennifer needed his reassurance. Hell, he needed reassurance as well, but if he couldn’t receive it, the least he could do was give it. He slowly wrapped his arms around her shoulders and felt the sure tell signs of sobbing.

“But…. Justin….. Head…. Bat....” Jennifer was trying to put a sentence together, but between the sobs, it wasn’t happening. Brian just kept rubbing her back in silent support and let her break down. He was half expecting himself to break as well, but again, knew he needed to be strong. He pushed his own tears, fears, and shit away. Again.

After a minute or two, Jennifer started to calm down.

“Sorry Brian. I just. Nobody’s telling me anything.” Jennifer explained, taking a step back, wiping her face and collecting herself.

“Sorry’s bullshit.” Brian’s automatic response came out before he even had time to think about it. “Let’s take a seat. I’ll explain all I know for now and speak to the doc so that you can be put on paperwork somewhere, allowing you to ask questions and shit.” He gestured towards the chairs on the other side of the corridor. They both headed over and sat down.

“Basically, last night when he got here, they rushed him into the operating room. They had to open his skull to stop the pressure on his brain so it didn’t cause any other issues. He’s in there at the moment,” Brian paused and pointed to the door way across from them, “in a medically induced coma so that the swelling of his brain has time to go down without, hopefully, any more complications.” Brian paused to take a deep breath. It was at this point that Brian couldn’t prevent the tears from falling anymore. Jennifer reached over and grabbed his hand in silent support. “All of that went well. He’s recovering from that really well. He’s stable but still in critical condition for at least another 18 hours. But he’s stable.”

Jennifer cried in relief. She thanked whoever it was that was listening that her son was okay. At least for now. Her baby was only 18 and had gone through so much already. Craig had a lot to answer for, and so did Hobbs for causing Justin all this unnecessary pain.

“But,” Brian continued watching the relief on Jennifer's face and feeling something unidentifiable in his stomach. Was that guilt? Remorse? Did Jennifer blame him for what happened at the prom? If he hadn’t gone, this never would have happened. Jennifer looked at him with hope in her eyes. He hated having to squash it, but she needed to know, because there was no way in hell they were going to be able to handle this themselves. Both Justin and himself would need all the help and support they could get. He took another deep breath -- how many of these had he taken over the last 12 hours -- and forged forward.

“But, when they opened his skull, they found a mass.” He paused, letting that sink in. He had to be delicate with this.There was absolutely no way to say this gently, he just had to say it. “They did an urgent biopsy and it came back as cancerous.” The look of shock on Jennifer's face was heartbreaking.

And that’s when Brian’s resolve to stay strong broke.  

The footsteps coming up the hallway alerted Brian to a new presence. He glanced down the corridor to see Mikey walking towards him and Jennifer with what looked like coffee in his hands.  Brian tried to pull himself together, and it worked to an extent. The reality, the shock, the fear, and the seriousness of the situation was setting in. He could lose his Sunshine.

Brian always had a fence around his heart. Well, more like a brick wall, but it was supposed to be impermeable. Supposed to be. And it was. Until the persistent little twink known as Justin came along and knocked it down, brick by fucking brick. He had to admit he admired Justin. For his strength, his resolve, his persistence, and his can-do attitude. Whatever Sunshine wanted, he worked so hard for until he got it. And for once, Brian was thankful. Because he did it. He got through Brian’s walls. Granted, Brian didn’t make it easy. But nothing easy is worth it. And now he was at risk of losing it all.

The amount of times he had pushed Justin off the ‘Brian Kinney cliff’ was astounding. No one else would have stuck around. That was the point. But Justin kept coming back for more. Why, Brian would never understand. Maybe he was just a glutton for punishment? Or maybe that’s what you did when you loved someone. Brian could admit that he knew now that he would do anything to see Sunshine happy. Justin could ask for the moon and Brian would work his arse off until he got it for him. If that’s what love felt like, maybe it wasn’t so bad.

He could potentially do this. Well not the sitting in the hospital thing, but perhaps he could give Justin the one thing he wanted. No, scratch that. He could do this. He could give Justin a relationship. He could see himself with Justin. Coming home to him, only him. Fucking only him. It’s not like Justin was boring in bed, or wherever it was they ended up fucking. He was adventurous as fuck. And Brian was never sure what to expect when they fucked. Never sure which Justin he was getting. The “let’s take it slow” which was really just making love, the “tie me up and bend me over” Justin, the “hard, fast, wham bam thank you ma’am” Justin, the “teach me something new” Justin, or the “What can I do to please you, sir.” Justin. It was spontaneous, it was fun. It was fucking hot.

He could step down from ‘stud of Liberty Avenue’. Maybe it was time to hand the crown to someone else. Brian was always under the illusion that fucking the same person over and over again would get boring and repetitive. But not with Justin. Justin was spontaneity, Justin was the complete opposite of boring.

He could come home to Justin, give Justin everything he ever wanted but never asked for. Just because he didn’t ask, didn’t mean Brian didn’t know. Justin often said he was onto Brian, well, Brian was onto him as well. He had seen it, in his eyes, in his smile. Especially in his smile tonight as he was walking away from the Jeep to tell Daphne that he was leaving. He could keep Justin living in the loft, mess and all. He was, after all, used to it now. Wasn’t like he didn’t know what he was getting himself into by living with him. He’d only been doing it on and off for the last 8 months.

It didn’t mean he had to give up life completely. He -- no, they -- could still go out to Woody’s, Babylon, the gym. It just meant if they went to Babylon, he would be taking Justin, and only Justin, to the back room. And that was okay. Both Justin and Brian has an exhibitionist streak in them, and again, that was okay. It was just one of the things that made their spark that little bit brighter.

While thinking about all of this, Brian realised something. It’s not that he could do it all.

It was that he wanted to.

He wanted that relationship, he wanted to give Justin everything. But he could only envision it with Justin. If anything happened to Justin, he knew that that fence around his heart would be going back up. And it would be impossible for anyone else to get through. Brian knew he would only be a shell of his former self. But he couldn’t think negatively like this. Justin has to make it through. He had to. There was no other choice. Because Brian couldn’t, didn’t fucking want to, envision his life without his Sunshine. It would be all fucking clouds and thunderstorms. Constantly.

He made a silent promise to himself that the second Justin woke up, he would tell him those three words he had only told him while he was in the back of the ambulance. The words Justin hasn’t heard, but that Brian knew he wanted -- no, needed -- to hear. Brian knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but that was okay. He knew he would fuck up occasionally, and he also knew Justin would forgive him. Because that’s the type of person Justin was. Forgiving, helpful, caring, loving, adorable, admirable and just overall amazing.

He wondered, if only for a second, what the gang would say. But then realised, he honestly didn’t give a fuck. He was thirty now, shudder, he had to grow up sometime right?

He envisioned Mikey being weird about it at first. Because he was Brian Kinney. He would always be young and beautiful. But Brian didn’t want to just be young and beautiful. He wanted to be Justin’s partner. He also knew that Mikey was a little bit in love with him, always had been, always would be, so because of this he would be jealous. Because Justin got what Michael always wanted but failed to do -- make one, Brian Kinney, fall in love with him.

Ted would just accept it. He wouldn’t really say much about it, at least, not to their faces. He wanted him to be supportive, which Ted always was. So he knew they would have no issues on the Ted front.

Daphne, well. She was another story. She would support them all the way. Always had, always would. Brian was convinced that during Justin and Daphne’s ‘girl time’ they had pretty much planned out their wedding. Well, one step at a time. Jesus, this was already a massive step for him. Either way, he knew Daphne would support the fuck out of them.

Emmett...well, Emmett would squeal and hug the shit out of him. Jesus, he could hear it now. He’d be telling baby that he was so proud of him, for breaking down the walls of Brian fucking Kinney and proving to him that he deserved to be loved. Brian prayed he wasn’t there when Emmett found out.

MaybeJustin could tell Emmett and Debbie together! Because Debbie would be another screamer. Debbie knew that Brian loved Sunshine, hell she knew before he knew. Debbie was like that. He also knew that Debbie would be watching his every fucking step, ensuring he didn’t fuck up like the ‘little asshole’ he could be. Well, at least not too badly. She would also be overbearing, loud and making sure everyone knew her opinion on the situation. She would also make sure no one had anything negative to say because she would fight them to the death if they did. Deb was like that. She would defend the fuck out of them, and it wouldn’t be quietly either. That’s one thing he was thankful for, being able to rely on her for that.

Lindsay and Mel were another two. Brian knew Mel would have something snarky to say. She always did. But Lindsay was an unknown. It could go two ways. Either she could be extremely supportive and push them together and make sure they stayed together, or she could try to push them apart with her manipulative ways. He was concerned that she would use Gus to get what she wanted -- what Brian wouldn’t give. He needed to look into getting his rights back. There had to be a way that all three of them had rights. If tonight taught him anything at all, it was that life was too short and you never knew what was just around the corner. He wanted to spend as much time with his Sonny Bboy as he could. He never envisioned that he would, or even could love anyone the way he loved Gus. His love for Gus was unconditional. And probably -- hopefully -- always would be. He had never wanted to play happy family’s, but that's another thing Justin changed. He wasn’t saying he wanted it every weekend, but perhaps one weekend a month. Where Justin, Gus, and himself would go to the park, or go to see whatever the new exhibition was at the art gallery, or even to the science centre that was down the road. He wanted that, craved that. But first he had to get Justin on the right track.

The one person he wasn’t sure about their reaction was Jennifer. After all, Justin was still her baby and he knew there was no love lost between Jennifer and Brian. But hopefully, just hopefully, if she did have an issue with it, she would allow Brian to show her that he really did love her son and that he would do anything for him. Anything at all. Give him everything and more.

He would fight for everything with Justin. He just needed Justin to fight for his life now.

With a plan of action now in place, he just needed the other party to wake up and join the party. After all, it was hard to be in a relationship with just one person. It took two to tango.

Which took him back to the prom. That dance he shared with Justin was something he would always remember. But now, that memory was tainted with a fucking baseball bat and fucking Hobbs. He instantly knew though, that if Justin ever got his wish with Daphne to organise a wedding, that song would be their first dance. No questions asked. He wanted to recreate that dream dance with Justin. Except this time, nothing would happen afterwards. Brian would make sure of it. “Save the Last Dance for Me” would always hold a special place in his heart now, and he wouldn’t be able to listen to it without envisioning their dance. He could only hope that over time that the memories would only be of the dance. Not what happened afterwards. But because it was still so fresh, it fucking hurt. It was breaking his heart all over again. Bringing his hands up to scrub his face he was transported back into the here and now when a hand touched his back gently.

“Brian, you okay?” Mikey‘s hesitant voice broke through his thoughts. All Brian could do was take yet another deep breath, how fucking many of them has he had to take lately, and nod silently. He was grateful when Mikey handed him a coffee. He needed to wake up. He needed to stay in the present.

All the other issues, they were for future Brian. Present Brian had enough fucking issues to deal with. Like getting his Sunshine through this. Because at this point?

There was no other option.

Brian felt helpless. He hated -- absolutely hated -- feeling helpless. He was still sitting on those uncomfortable-as-fuck chairs in the corridor with Jennifer and Mikey after his… epiphany, he guessed you could call it. He had drunk the coffee that Mikey had handed him and excused himself to use the bathroom. While he was in there he took a minute and wet his face.

“You can do this,” he told himself in the mirror. He was officially losing the plot. But then again, going on 27 hours without a decent sleep would do that to you. Of course, he didn’t include the hour of broken sleep he got last night. “Fuck,” he mumbled to himself.

Walking out he saw the doctor from last night standing at Justin’s door. Ah, yes. The tests. Fuck.

“Good morning Brian, how are you holding up?” The doctor asked gently. Brian just shrugged. How the fuck was he supposed to answer that? The love of his fucking life was laying in the bed in the room behind him, fighting for his fucking life. “I understand. I was just coming up to prep Justin for the scans,” he explained.

Brian nodded. He thought as much. “Ah doc, this is Jennifer Taylor, Justin’s mother. Jennifer, this is the doc.” Brian introduced the two to each other. He figured at least that way the doc could explain shit to Jennifer. At least he wasn’t dealing with all this fucking shit by himself. He watched as they both nodded at each other. “Is there some way to get it documented or whatever the fuck it is you guys do, so that she can be given any information as well in case I’m not available or some fucking shit?” Brian asked.

“Of course. Mrs. Taylor. Call me Neil, please. I’ll get onto that as soon as we come back, Brian.”

‘So that’s his name,’ Brian thought to himself. It’s funny how after nearly 12 hours he was only just learning his name. Wait.

“Not to be rude doc, but why the fuck are you still here? You were here when we were brought in last night and your still fucking here. What’s the deal?” Brian asked as he realised what time it was.

“I am actually staying in what I guess you could call the dorm rooms. I was just transferred here from Kaiser Permanente San Jose Hospital and haven’t yet had a chance to settle in. Plus, it’s convenient for cases like Justin’s, in case...” the doctor trailed off but Jennifer, Mikey and Brian knew how that sentence would have ended. Brian shook his head -- dislodging the thought -- and nodded, showing that he did indeed understand.

The door to Justin’s room opened and he heard Jennifer gasp next to him. It was the first time she had seen Justin, wires and monitors and all. He couldn’t help but stare at his Sunshine. He felt, rather than saw Mikey’s hand grab his in silent support. He promised when all this fucking shit was done, he was going to buy Mikey whatever the fuck it was he wanted. He owed him a fucking truckload for this, and money was no object of thanks.

He watched, still silent, as four nurses pushed Justin’s bed into the corridor. He heard Jennifer’s sobs and felt Mikey squeezing his hand. He gave a squeeze back and let go as he walked over to the side of the bed. When Brian had moved, Mikey took a step closer to Jennifer and placed his hand on her back in support. Brian surprised everyone watching as he bent down and placed a kiss on Justin’s forehead.

“I love you, Sunshine,” he whispered, shocking Jennifer and Mickey. “I’ll still be here when you get back.” Mikey smiled a small smile to himself. He had hit the nail right on the head last night. Brian Kinney was in love.

“The tests will take about an hour and a half to do. Why don’t you go and grab a shower and a change of clothes? There’s not much you can do until he comes back, and even then...” the doctor offered gently. Brian started to shake his head. “Brian, I promise I’ll contact you if anything happens. But I understand that you don’t want to leave. Is there anyone that can bring you up a change of clothes? There’s a shower in Justin’s room that you can take advantage of. That way, you don’t have to leave and you’re still on the premises.”

Mikey had his phone out before the Neil had even finished his sentence, shooting a text to Ted asking him to bring up some clothes for Brian. He was the only one in the group who he was confident wouldn’t make a big scene of it all. His phone buzzed not even a minute later, with Ted saying he was on his way.

“Ted’s heading over to your loft to get you a change of clothes, Brian. Is there anything else you want him to grab while he’s there?” Mikey asked quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. Brian shook his head, again thankful for Mikey.

“Not that I can think of. But Uhm...” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You know.” Mikey smiled. He did know. Brian never said thank you but Mikey knew what he meant. He sent off another text to Ted.

“It won’t take long, Brian. Have a shower, freshen up and try and have a rest. We don’t want you ending up in here as well,” Neil mentioned. “He’ll be back before you know it.”

The three of them stood in the corridor outside the door to Justin’s room and watched as they wheeled Justin down it. Mikey grabbed Brian’s hand in one and Jennifer’s in the other. He glanced over as he saw a tear roll it’s way down Brian’s cheek but chose to stay silent. He knew no matter what he said, there weren’t any words to make it better.

An hour later found Brian dozing in the chair that the nurse had brought in last night. He had already had a shower and gotten changed into the sweats and shirt that Ted had grabbed from the loft. He was thankful for Ted at least having the common sense to grab something practical, not a suit. He also brought along four other changes of clothes for the days coming. Brian knew he wasn’t going to leave until Sunshine had woken up. And apparently, so did everyone else.

He was worried sick about what was happening now, and what would happen next. Once they got the results back, he wasn’t sure where they were going to go. Would they keep in a coma? Would they wake him? Would they operate? Brian was so unsure, and it was a feeling he didn’t like. A feeling he wasn’t used to. But Justin had that effect on him. Bringing out feelings he wasn’t used to. Fear, worry, being scared, crying, love. And that was the kicker wasn’t it?

Brian knew deep down though, that no matter what, he wasn’t going anywhere. He wouldn’t. Fuck. He couldn’t. He was in this for the long haul now. It hurt to even think of life without Justin. So, he didn’t.

He broke down in the shower, where no one could see his tears. Where he was safe in as far as everyone else still thought he was strong. Because he had to be for Jennifer. Not that she had said anything since Justin got wheeled down the corridor. He couldn’t blame her, really. What the fuck do you say under the circumstances? He didn’t even know.

He startled awake -- or out of his stupor at least -- to the door opening. He sighed with relief when he saw the top of Justin’s head. Thank fuck. Neil followed the nurses and the bed. He smiled gently at Brian. He held the door open, and Jennifer followed slowly and cautiously, as if unsure if she was welcome. Which was stupid because Justin was her son. If Brian had to leave to give Jennifer time with him he would.

“We’ll get the results soon.” Neil explained. “I’ve told the nurses to allow both of you in the room with him, and to page me as soon as the results come in so we can come up with a care plan.”

Brian nodded. He guessed the doc was going to finally go and get some rest. It had been nearly 15 hours now, and god only knew what time he started his shift before they came in last night.

“Thank you. For everything.” Jennifer felt thankful for everything the doctor had done. From originally saving her son’s life, to being so understanding. Making sure that everything was done before they could even ask. Brian stuck his hand out to shake the doc’s. Neil smiled slightly and shook it, understanding that that was Brian’s way of thanking him.

“I’m off to get some rest. I’ll come back as soon as we get the results.”

Brian nodded again. He wasn’t sure what to say. Neil looked over once more at Justin and turned and left the room.

Once the nurses had set up Justin’s bed in the right position, Brian was once again next to it holding his hand. Again, he needed the reassurance that only Justin’s hand could give at the moment. Until he was able to see his eyes and his sunshine smile, it was all he had.

The two of them sat in silence for god only knows how long until Jennifer spoke so softly Brian almost missed it.

“You meant what you said in the hallway, didn’t you?” Jennifer asked, needing to know. Brian sucked his lips in between his teeth. He hated heart-to-heart talks, but he understood. He understood that Jennifer needed to break the deafening silence and needed to know that he was serious about loving Justin.

“Yeah,” Brian answered, just as softly. “I did. I know I haven’t treated him, uh...” His hand came back up to run the back of his neck again. “Treated him the way you would want, but I promise you here and now, that that’s all going to change the minute Justin wakes up. I’ve already promised myself I’m going to tell him I love him when he wakes up. I want him, and only him sharing my life, sharing the loft, sharing everything.

“But it’s going to be hard, and I know that. I know it’s going to take some work. But if this has taught me absolutely anything, it’s that life is too short to fuck around. I don’t know how much or what Justin has told you, but I never had an easy life. My dad used to bash the fuck out of me whenever we disagreed, or whenever I took a breath. My mom loves God or what the fuck ever more than she ever loved me. My sister Claire was always the favorite. I could never do anything right. When I was 14, I met Mikey and suddenly I had people who cared. People who loved me. But it was already too late. Love was a foreign concept to me. It wasn’t until your son came along and brought, god help me, sunshine into my life that he proved everything I’ve ever known wrong. And for that, I owe him.”

Brian finished his lesbianicspeech, but that didn't mean that he didn’t mean every word that he just said. In his 30 years of living, he had never meant anything more.

“Treat him right Brian. That’s all I ask,” came Jennifer's reply. In that moment, she knew that Justin was in the right hands. No one would look after him like Brian would. “And I guess I should be saying welcome to the family.” Jennifer shot Brian a small smile. The look of shock of Brian’s face made her smile a little bigger.

Michael had called everyone to Deb’s house to explain what was happening, after convincing his mother and uncle Vic to go home, where he would tell everyone at once. Debbie was surprised he was there -- after all, he was supposed to be on a plane to Portland. And he was going, until Brian had called. All Brian had said was, sunshine, bat, and hospital. And Michael knew he had to be there. The words alone made Michael realise the seriousness of the situation, but it was compounded by the fact that Brian was crying. Michael had known Brian since they were 14 years old, but he had never seen him cry. Ever.

Michael didn’t know how his Ma found out, but he had to placate her for now. The last thing Brian needed was Debbie and the gang interfering. So he called Lindsay, Mel, Emmett, and Ted and told them they had to get to Debbie’s -- now.

On the drive home, he again promised his mom he would tell her and everyone else what he knew, but he was only going to say it once. Michael wasn’t sure how he was going to say it. After all, he was still in shock. But he had to do this. Not just for Brian, but for Justin.

That fucking kid had been through so much already, and now he had this next fucking battle to fight. But he silently vowed to both Brian and Justin that he would make sure they had the gang’s support.

Once they had pulled up at Debbie’s house, they saw everyone sitting out front, a clear indication that they knew something was wrong.

Letting everyone into the livingroom, Michael told them all to sit down and not ask questions yet. Once everyone was seated, he took a deep breath and started explaining.

“Ma, Vic and I have just come back from the hospital,” he started. Everyone looked at the three of them with concerned looked on their faces. “It wasn’t for any of us, but Justin is there,” Michael explained.

It was then that everyone realised Brian was missing. Ted already knew they were at the hospital because he had to take the clothes up for Brian, but he didn’t know why they were at the hospital. He hadn’t seen Brian anywhere either, so he was even more clueless.

“What’s wrong with baby?” Emmett asked fearfully. He loved Justin like a little brother, and Emmett could confidently say that he would do absolutely anything for Justin.

“I’m getting there,” Michael placated him. “Please guys, just let me say this and then I’ll answer any question you have if I can. I only know limited information, but I don’t want you to run and call Brian.”

“So, Brian surprised Justin at his prom tonight.” Lindsay, Mel and Ted looked surprised. Emmett and Vic smiled. They both knew how much Justin meant to Brian.

“It went well, from what I’ve heard, until they went to the Jeep. As Justin walked away to tell Daphne he was leaving, he was attacked with a bat.” Emmett gasped, covered his mouth and cried. Lindsay shook her head in disbelief. Mel grabbed Lindsay’s hand in support while crying tears that wouldn’t stop. Vic grabbed Debbie in a hug. Ted was in shock. Debbie’s reaction was the worst -- great big, heaving sobs fillingthe livingroom. Michael put his hand up to stop the questions they all had.

“I haven’t finished yet. Please, just...” Michael took a deep breath. “Just wait. There’s more. But I need you all to promise me not to run straight to the hospital.”

“What more could there possibly be?” Emmett cried. He wanted to be with Justin, but knew he had to wait and see what else was said.

“Please, just promise me. There isn’t much anyone can do at the moment anyway. Justin is in a coma, and Brian’s not going to leave his bedside. The Boy Wonder is here to stay, because Brian loves him.”

One by one the gang all nodded.

“They had to operate to stop the pressure of the bleeding on the brain.” There were more sobs from Debbie, but Michael had to go on, otherwise he was going to break. He already had tears running down his cheeks. “When they opened his skull, they found a mass. They did a biopsy and it came back positive, but they are doing more tests. Justin has brain cancer.”

It wasn’t until now the severity of the situation hit Michael. And that’s when he broke.

Emmett went into shock, he was struggling to breath, couldn’t see straight for all the tears, for his baby, for everything that poor fucking kid was going to have to go through, and Ted grabbed him in a hug. Mel and Lindsay held each other, not knowing what to say or what to do. Vic was crying, but he knew he had to be strong for Debbie, who was currently in his arms, sobbing her heart out. It wasn’t until he looked over at Michael and saw him crying that he realised this was real. He gently turned Debbie over to Michael, because they needed each other.

Vic stood quietly once Debbie and Michael were in each other arms and walked into the kitchen to get everyone a drink. God only knew they needed it. He looked back in the room and saw the upset gang. He just hoped they were strong enough to get through this.

Vic hoped Brian and Justin were strong enough -- not just individually, but together -- to get through this. Because that kid who had waltzed into their lives, was going to need it.

Jennifer looked over at Brian who was asleep in the chair, head on the bed, next to Justin’s. God only knew he needed it. She was starting to see just how much Brian would do for Justin and she knew she had to accept him now. After all, Justin was going to do what he wanted to do anyway, no matter what her opinion was. So she found it better to support him than to push him away. She couldn’t imagine her life without him, and not accepting Brian was a one way trip to losing him.

Jennifer smiled gently as Brian unconsciously reached out for Justin in his sleep. She knew that what she witnessed earlier was a privilege. No one got to see that side of Brian, and that’s why everything that was said in here this morning was going to stay between them. The fact that Brian had made such a strong, heartfelt declaration of love. How could she not give her support?

Did she blame him for what happened last night? No. She couldn’t. It wasn’t Brian who held the bat. It was Chris Hobbs. It wasn’t Brian that made Chris do it. It was Chris and his… attitude she guessed she could say. Brian didn’t make Chris a homophobe. Chris made Chris a homophobe.

Jennifer didn’t know Brian that well, but she could only imagine the guilt the poor guy was going through. The ‘if I didn’t go it wouldn’t have happened’ attitude. But that was wrong. Because it may have still happened. Perhaps not last night, and perhaps not Chris. But someone at some point in time would have hurt Justin. And after all, perhaps they all owed some kind of thanks to Chris. Because without him? They may have found the tumour too late. If it wasn’t already.

Tumour. Cancer. Justin was 18 years old and had just been diagnosed with cancer. What kind of sick joke was this? How long had it been there? What stage was it at? Was it operable? Justin was supposed to be starting his life now. School was over. He was supposed to be going out, having fun with his friends, finding his way in the world. Not battling cancer. He had been accepted into PIFA for crying out loud. One of the best art schools in America.

Jennifer stood and traced her hand across Justin’s face, wanting to push his hair back. But it was all gone. They had to shave it last night to operate. But hair could grow back. She couldn’t get her son back if anything happened.

As quietly as she could, she walked over to the door and opened it. Pausing to look back, she smiled a watery smile to see Brian still holding Justin’s hand, slouched over the bed, with his head next to Justin’s on the pillow. She could tell that at least subconsciously he was aware of the wires that were connected to everything, because every time he moved he never once agitated the wires.

She stepped out of the room and quietly shut the door. Leaning against it she took a deep breath, willing herself to hold it together. Looking up, she saw Debbie sitting on the chair opposite with containers from the diner and her stomach rumbled. She realised that apart from the coffee Mikey brought this morning, which now seemed so long ago, she hadn’t had anything else since she got here.

Debbie wasn’t sure what to say -- what was appropriate. She just placed the containers on the chair next to her and stood. She smiled slightly and opened her arms allowing Jennifer to seek comfort if she needed. Turned out, Jennifer did.

Jennifer gave Debbie a hug, and that’s when she broke. Again. It felt like every time she hugged someone in the last few hours all she did was cry. She cried for what happened, she cried for what still had to happen, she cried for Justin and Brian, she cried for the unknown, she cried just because she could. Debbie was fantastic and just held her, rubbing her back soothingly in a sign of comfort. Jennifer was lost.

Debbie had brought in the food from work after leaving the morning shift because she knew that no one had eaten, and if she knew that little asshole -- wherever the fuck he’d run off to now -- probably refused to eat until he knew what was happening. Of course, having an empty stomach helped the body absorb alcohol quicker. Made it hit quicker, and harder. Mikey had said that Brian was still here and had been keeping vigil at the bedside, but he had probably left now that Jennifer was here. Running away from his problems, again.

She was surprised when the door opened again and out came the devil himself.

“You okay mother Taylor?” he asked gently, placing his hand on her back. Debbie was quite surprised when Jennifer turned and wrapped Brian in a hug, but was shocked speechless when Brian actually hugged her back. Well, there you fucking go, miracles do happen! Debbie took a small step back, but still close enough if Jennifer needed her. Debbie watched on as a whispered conversation was spoken, directly into the other’s ear. Her heart was bursting with pride for Brian. He had really stepped up to the mark this time. She couldn’t hear what was being said, but she noticed the little watery smile Jennifer gave when she looked up at Brian along with a pat on the cheek.

Maybe, just maybe Debbie thought, some good could come from this. After all, it seemed Brian was already changing.

Brian sat in the corridor nibbling the turkey on rye, no mayo that Debbie had brought, lost in thought. He was going through the mechanics of eating -- not really tasting it -- just biting, chewing, swallowing, and repeat. It was at this time Neil walked up the corridor with another doctor, an odd look on this face. Fuck. This didn’t look good.

“Ahh Brian. Just the man I was looking for,” the doctor started. “This is my colleague Kylie. She is another neurosurgeon here in the hospital and I’ve called her in on the case. Why don’t we go into the room and talk about the results from the tests we did?” Nodding silently, Brian stood and walked to the door, pausing as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“Sorry, I just need to get Jennifer back here, is that okay?” Brian asked.

“Of course, tell her to take her time.” The doctor smiled. Neil could tell that Brian didn’t want to do this alone, and to be perfectly honest, he didn’t blame him. Brian may have been 12 years older than Justin, but Neil was professional enough at first to not judge. It didn’t take long to see the love that Brian held for the young man in the bed. Neil could see that he could do anything for Justin. Brian sent a text to Jennifer saying that the test results were in and the doctor needed to talk to them.

Brian felt, not weird but odd, about relying on someone else as well. All his life it had been him against the world. For a short while he also had Justin on his side, but now Sunshine wasn’t there. But Mother Taylor was. And while it may not have been the same, it was helpful, to not have to do this on his own. Because if he did, he wasn’t sure what would happen. The old Brian -- which really was Brian of a few days ago -- would be fucking, sucking, rimming and ramming his way through the gay population of Pittsburgh that he hadn’t already had, while drunk and high off his head to try to forget this nightmare. But he couldn’t leave Justin. Brian felt partially responsible for Justin being in here, even though one tiny part of him knew it wasn’t. But if he hadn’t have gone to his prom, they wouldn’t be here.

Brian was brought out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps running up the corridor and turned to see Jennifer running towards them. They shared a small smile, and Brian walked into Justin’s room, followed closely by Jennifer and the two doctors. Brian walked over to the side of the bed furthest from the door and grabbed Justin’s hand. Jennifer stayed on the other side.

“Mrs. Taylor, this is Dr. Kylie, one of my colleagues.” He introduced them. “We got the results back from all the tests we did and I’m sorry to say that we were correct. Justin has got what is known as Glioma, a tumour that occurs in the brain. We could be very lucky and caught it early enough. Has Justin been experiencing any symptoms such as headaches, irritability, or visual difficulties in the last year?” Neil asked.

Brian thought back over the time he had known Justin to see if he ever complained of anything like that.  

“He’s been a tad more irritable, but he’s also had a lot going on in his life and that’s what I put it down to,” Brian mentioned. He hated being open with anyone -- it went against everything he knew -- but he had to push his insecurities away to help Justin. This was all for Justin.

“He also complained of headaches here and there but again, I put that down to everyday life. DAMN IT!” he yelled, frustrated that he didn’t see the signs.

“That is why Glioma is usually diagnosed too late, because the symptoms can just be put down to everyday occurrences. Please, don’t feel bad Brian. It’s a common misconception and misinterpretation. It is definitely not your fault. Thankfully, we think we’ve caught it early enough that the prognosis at this stage is positive,” Neil explained.

“The type of the tumour is commonly known as Ependymoma and as far as we can determine, it is a low grade, meaning slow growing tumour. It is situated in the cerebellum so it is easily accessible by surgery. Both Neil and myself feel confident that we will be able to remove the majority of the tumour. The rest will be dealt with post operatively with radiation and chemotherapy. At this stage, and please remember things can change, but his chances of survival are high at 98%.” Kylie gently explained. It was never easy to explain to a patient and their family about the diagnosis, but looking at the young man on the bed, she pushed forward.

The look of pure relief on both Brian and Jennifer’s faces was palpable. Jennifer had started crying as soon as the word tumour was said. Brian held it together, right until he heard the statistics. He bent down and kissed Justin’s forehead.

“Hear that sunshine? You’re going to be alright,” he muttered, relief evident in his voice.

“It’s not going to be easy, but you are correct. He is going to be alright,” Neil commented with a smile. “It’s the next step we’re unsure about, which is why we wanted to talk to you both. We’re unsure if we operate now while he’s still in a coma, or we start to wean him off the drugs keeping him under and wake him up. It is of course up to you guys, and we’re both willing to answer any questions you both have.”

Jennifer looked at Brian and nodded, already knowing what he was thinking.

“Which would be safest?” Brian asked.

“Well, either is safe. It’s just a matter of how you think Justin will take the news in both courses of action. If we operate now and then wake him, how will he react to finding out not only about the attack, but the cancer? We’re also unsure of the extent of the damage done by the attack and so will have no baseline to go off of afterwards. We recommend waking him up first and letting him recover slightly from this ordeal before onslaughting him with another surgery. We can hold off on the operation for another week or two, due to it being a low grade tumour,” Neil offered as an explanation.

“When can you start waking him?” Jennifer asked, not looking up from Justin’s face. She would do anything to see his sparkling eyes and his smile. She never realised how much she would miss it, until it was gone. Brian nodded in agreement.

“We can start weaning him off them now and by this time tomorrow he should be awake.” Neil made a mental note to alert the nurses.

“Then let's do it doc. Let’s get my --,” Jennifer paused and looked over at Brian with a shared smile, “-- our sunshine back.”