Standing in the Light

Chapter 1

"Mr. Patrick," the seven year old boy looked up at the tall man.

"Yes, Joey. I told you that you can call me Andrew."

"You don't look like an Andrew," Joey replied.

"I don't?"

"No."

"What name should I have?" Andrew asked with a bemused look on his face.

"I don't know," Joey said frowning. "But thank you for bringing me here."

"You're welcome, Joey. We want you to be safe."

"He's doing just fine, Andrew," Blanche Dalton stated. She ran the home for abused children called Safe Haven. Joey had arrived there a couple of weeks ago. He had been released from the hospital with a black eye, broken arm, cracked ribs and possible damage to one kidney. Social services had been unable to place him in foster care, so they had called Safe Haven to see if they had a spot for him, at least for a few days. Andrew had met the social services people at the hospital and had transported Joey to the house.

Andrew Patrick didn't usually get involved in individual cases, but no one else had been available and Joey's story had been so familiar to him. He had found a silent, scared and belligerent boy who refused to cooperate with anyone. Joey was sullen and then argumentative if pushed.

Andrew had immediately noticed the underlying intelligence in the few comments Joey had made. He had even smiled when Joey had told his social worker that he was not going back to his damn parents because they didn't deserve him. He had been surprised during the ride to Safe Haven that Joey had started talking to him.

"You smell good," Joey said after they had driven some distance.

"Thank you," Andrew had replied with a little smile. Getting Joey to talk about anything was a step in the right direction. If his scent caused Joey to speak, that was fine with Andrew.

"You have really nice clothes too," Joey observed.

"Thanks. Do you like nice things?"

Joey had looked a little sad but had replied in the affirmative. "I never have anything of my own," he said defiantly, "but one day I will. I'm going to be rich and famous and have everything I want."

"That sounds like a plan," Andrew had agreed, glad to see the fire still burning in the boy. "I had a plan like that when I was growing up."

"You did?" Joey asked looking at this man with renewed interest. "And you got everything you wanted?" he asked.

"Just about."

Joey smiled happily and settled back in his seat. If this nice smelling man could do it, then he could too. Maybe Safe Haven was the first step on his journey to a new and better life.

When Andrew had taken Joey's hand and led him into Safe Haven to meet Blanche for the first time, Joey had felt the powerful aura that surrounded Andrew. It seemed to the little boy that Andrew could do anything, make anything happen. He wanted to attach himself to this source of strength and power.

"Will you come and see me tomorrow?" Joey had asked shyly wanting to see Andrew the next day, wanting to see him every day. He felt safe around the tall man.

"Mr. Patrick doesn't come to Safe Haven every day," Blanche had told the little boy. "He's a very busy man."

"I think maybe I could come by tomorrow after work," Andrew said, not wanting to see the look of desperation return to Joey's face.

The little face lit up in a golden smile. "I'll be waiting," Joey said confidently and ran to Andrew for a hug.

Blanche sighed and smiled. Andrew had made another conquest. She watched as Andrew crushed the little body in a big hug. She knew Andrew would keep his word and return to visit Joey.

And that's why Andrew was here today. He came at least three times a week to visit the little boy and a couple of other children at Safe Haven. He always was available if he was needed. Safe Haven and its residents could always count on him, had for years.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Emmett Honeycutt looked up at the façade of the old mansion. In its day it had been a grand home. Now it looked a little the worse for wear although it was clean and tidy. It just lacked some of its former grandeur.

Emmett walked into the foyer and looked around trying to find someone who was in charge. After a minute or two a slim middle aged woman bustled out. She seemed startled to see anyone in the foyer.

"May I help you?" she asked formally.

"I hope so," Emmett said having gotten tired of waiting. "You need someone here to meet visitors and direct them to whatever they want."

"That would be lovely," Blanche said, "but we don't have money for a receptionist, and quite frankly, we don't have that many visitors. I'm Blanche Dalton by the way. I run this place."

"Well," Emmett began cheerfully, "Maybe I can help you."

"What do you mean?" Blanche asked giving Emmett the once over and frowning.

"It's kind of a long story, but I'm here to volunteer. My name is Emmett Honeycutt," he said smiling.

"We can always use volunteers," she replied with a smile and shook his hand. "But you'll have to fill out an application and pass a police check."

"You're kidding, right?" Emmett asked with a laugh. His laughter disappeared quickly when she shook her head no.

"Well, fuck me! I thought I was going to do a good deed, but I didn't bargain for all that."

"And you'll have to improve your language if you're going to be around children. Most of them have enough of a foul mouth without having an adult encourage them."

Emmett looked rather crestfallen. This was not what he had bargained for when he and George had talked about volunteering once they got back from their around the world trip. The only problem was that George didn't come back from that trip alive. Emmett had decided to volunteer in his memory since his party planning business was doing so well and he thought he could spare the time during the day. Now he wondered if they would even let him, being as he had worked on a porn site and was gay. He had just known that George donated to Safe Haven and it was something different from the hospice work. He liked the idea of working with the young, the living, those with a future, instead of those who had only weeks left to their lives.

"Excuse me," the woman was saying, "I didn't mean to discourage you. We always need volunteers. It's just that it's become quite a trial to sign on these days. I always warn people up front. There's no point in wasting their time."

"Do … do you think I would be accepted to volunteer here?" Emmett asked her.

"You seem like a nice young man. I don't know why you couldn't."

Strangely that pleased Emmett and he decided to go through the process.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

A little over a week later the gang met for breakfast at the diner. Ben couldn't make it since he was required at a faculty meeting. Justin was working on a project. So it was the four friends, just like old times.

"So what are you and the Boy Wonder up to these days?" Michael asked Brian.

"I spend a lot of time working at Kinnetik, and Justin has his classes and Rage," Brian replied.

"We're still talking to Brett Keller about a possible Rage movie," Michael said proudly.

"I know," Brian said with an edge of sarcasm. "Justin keeps telling me that he's going to Hollywood to be a staahh."

"Oh, that's so cute," Emmett gushed.

"And what's new and exciting in your life, Emm?" Michael asked.

"I'm going to volunteer at a home for abused children," he stated proudly.

"You are?" Brian asked raising an eyebrow.

"Uh huh," Emmett nodded. "I had to go through a police check and everything."

"And you passed?" Ted asked in mock bewilderment.

"Of course I did, silly," Emmett said playfully tickling Ted under his arms.

"What made you decide to do that?" Michael asked.

"My sweet Georgie and I were going to do that when we returned from our round the world tour," Emmett explained.

"But he never came back," Ted offered.

"No," Emmett said sadly looking off into space and remembering his happy days with George Schickel. Emmett cleared his throat and looked at Ted. "But I decided to honor his wishes and volunteer. My party planning business is doing really well and I can afford some hours during the week."

"That's very … noble of you," Brian said.

"Thanks, sweetie," Emmett replied with a big grin. "I start tomorrow."

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Late that same afternoon Andrew Patrick walked into Safe Haven. He was met almost immediately by a squealing seven year old who flung himself into Andrew's embrace.

"Hey, Joey," Andrew said with a smile as he hugged the boy close.

"Did you come to see me?" Joey asked looking into Andrew's face.

"Of course."

"I have something to show you."

"You do?"

"Yep. It's up in my room."

"Why don't you go get it while I talk to Blanche for a minute?"

Joey took off at lightning speed. Andrew knew that he better talk to Blanche quickly because the boy would be back in a hurry.

"Blanche, I had a couple of questions," Andrew began.

"Certainly, what did you want to know?"

"How's Joey doing?" Andrew asked.

Blanche smiled. Andrew was all business, but she knew he had a soft spot for Joey. "He's doing okay. His injuries are healing and he's relaxing around the other kids. I think he's beginning to make a friend too."

"Who with?"

"Besides you, you mean?" she said with a grin.

"Besides me," Andrew said acknowledging that he knew Joey had come to depend on him.

"Cheryl."

"Cheryl?" Andrew asked looking surprised. "I would have thought it would be a boy."

"He's kind of keeping his distance with the other boys, but he likes to draw, and so does Cheryl. They usually sit together in the playroom and draw. They compare their work and make suggestions to each other. They're both quite mature for their ages."

"I'm glad he's fitting in. Are you going to enroll him in regular school?"

"I think he's ready," she said. "I've talked to the local school and we decided he could start next week."

"Have you told him?"

She nodded. "And he seemed excited. I think he and Cheryl may be in the same class."

"Maybe you should call the school and make sure that happens. It's always nice to have a friend in your class when you start a new school."

"I'll do that," she replied. "Was there something else?" He looked like he wanted to broach another subject.

"I … I guess the house is full, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yes, I hope nobody else needs a placement until Jason leaves in five weeks. We'd have to turn them away, and I hate to do that."

"I know," he replied smiling fondly at her. She seemed severe on a first meeting but Blanche had a heart of gold. She loved all the children in her care. "How's the volunteer situation? Do you have enough help?"

"We have a new volunteer starting tomorrow," she said proudly. "Emmett Honeycutt, he seems like a nice young man."

"Oh, can I see the volunteer schedule?"

She handed him a clipboard of papers. He scanned the timetable noting blocks where no volunteers were scheduled. "You could sure use another volunteer for afternoons," Andrew observed.

"I tried to fit Emmett in there, but he has a party planning business, and afternoons are the time he's getting ready for evening parties."

"I see, so he's doing mornings twice a week?"

"That's right."

"We should see if we can find someone for afternoons. I'll see if there's anything I can do."

"Thanks, Andrew, we can always count on you."

Andrew frowned. He hoped that was true. He had never had a family he could count on when he was growing up, so he wanted this place to be better for the children who lived there. "I need to talk to you about Jason before I leave. In private," he added as an afterthought.

She nodded as Joey came bounding down the stairs at breakneck speed. He was clutching a piece of paper as he arrived in front of Andrew.

"What's this?" Andrew asked as Joey held the paper out to him.

"It's you," Joey said proudly.

Andrew looked at the crayon drawing. It showed a tall man in a suit with his arm around the shoulders of a little boy who looked a lot like Joey. "You drew this?" Andrew asked touched by the love he could feel between the man and boy in the picture.

Joey nodded. "It's for you, so you … won't … forget me," Joey said haltingly. Andrew thought he could see tears pretty close to the surface, behind the blue eyes.

"I won't forget you," Andrew said squatting down and allowing Joey to feel how much he appreciated his gift in the warmth of their embrace.

"You'll still come to see me? Always?"

"Always," Andrew repeated. "Now go play. I have to talk business with Blanche."

Joey ran off happily as Andrew made his way to Blanche's office. He didn't like the prospects of this talk but it had to be done.

"Does Jason know he's leaving in five weeks?" Andrew asked as he sat down in the chair across from Blanche. She nodded. "How did he react?"

"He doesn't want to go to a group home."

"I can understand that, but we have that 'once you turn fourteen you have to go somewhere else' rule for a reason."

"I think it's called puberty," Blanche replied.

"Yeah," Andrew said remembering when he was fourteen. "Have you got a good placement for him?"

"I think so. We've sent other boys to the Red Wheel home before and most of them have done well."

"Yeah, except for Bobby," Andrew said thinking back to a sad boy from a few years ago, their only real failure.

"Jason still has some issues. He's fixated on you," Blanche said knowingly.

"He was watching me with Joey just now."

"I know. He watches you whenever you're here."

"But he never speaks to me anymore," Andrew said with a sigh.

"He's afraid you'll reject him, especially now that he has to leave."

Andrew sighed again. He'd never been good with attachments like this, although he liked to think he was getting better at it. "I need to sit down with him and have a man to man talk."

"I think that would be a good idea," Blanche said with a small smile.

Andrew looked at his watch. "Shit, I've got to go. I'll make time to have that talk with Jason the next time I'm here."

"Andrew," she said as he got up to leave, "don't leave it too long."

He picked up Joey's picture from the desk where he had laid it and nodded to her. He wasn't looking forward to the chat with Jason but he knew it needed to be done and soon. He walked out to his car and slid in. He opened his briefcase, took another look at his picture from Joey and with a smile dropped it into the pocket in the lid. He could add it to his collection later.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Brian rode the elevator up to the loft. He knew Justin would be waiting. They were supposed to have a special dinner which should have started forty minutes ago. He knew he was going to get shit.

He pulled back the loft door to a wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen. He glanced around for Justin not seeing him cooking. He spotted him sitting on their new sofa.

"Hey," he said.

"Where have you been?" Justin demanded.

"I was working. You know, the thing that keeps food on the table and a roof over our heads." Brian dropped his briefcase on the chair behind his desk and made his way up to the bedroom to change out of his suit into something more comfortable.

"But you were supposed to be here forty minutes ago," Justin complained.

"Sometimes things happen, Sunshine. Sorry I'm late."

Justin smiled. A sorry from Brian was like an apology on bended knees from anyone else. "Lucky for you that I know you so well."

"What?" Brian asked with a frown.

"I built in an hour's leeway on dinner. You're always late."

"Fashionably late," Brian said with a smirk coming down the steps in his jeans and black wifebeater.

Justin smiled in spite of himself. There was no point in being mad at Brian. He had suspected that he wouldn't be on time. "Well fashionably late means you don't get the hors d'oeuvres I had planned if you had been on time."

"That's probably a good thing. I don't need any more fats or carbs. I'm sure there'll be enough in your dinner, which by the way, smells delicious."

"Thanks, but who said the hors d'oeuvres had anything to do with fat or carbs? More like protein," Justin said with an evil grin.

Brian felt his cock jump. It always amazed him the effect Justin had on him after all this time. A word or a look or that smile and his body responded immediately. He reached

for Justin and pulled him into a long, hard kiss.

"Can we still have hors d'oeuvres?" Brian heard himself saying in what could only be described as a voice filled with lust. He sounded like a horny teenager begging for a handjob.

"Un unh," Justin said pushing him away and heading for the kitchen, "but I promise that dessert will be spectacular."

Brian knew the sappy grin was spreading all over his face, but he couldn't stop it. "Then let's get this eating thing out of the way. I'm ready for dessert right now."

Justin grinned and wiggled his ass in Brian's direction as he bent over to pull dinner out of the oven. A little payback was always a good thing.

 

Standing in the Light

Chapter 2

Emmett watched the children in their playroom. He had finished his filing and tidying up. He had been manning the desk in the foyer at Safe Haven but since there wasn't much action there, he had decided to check out the playroom. He could stand in the doorway and still keep an eye on the front entrance.

It was Emmett's third time volunteering and he was there unexpectedly on a Saturday morning. Some other volunteer had cancelled and Emmett had agreed to fill in. He had a Sunday party this week, instead of a Saturday one so he could do his preparations later in the day.

"Mister," a voice said. He felt a tug on his jeans.

"Yes," he said looking down. "You can call me Emmett. It's Joey, isn't it?" When he first arrived Emmett had met the little boy who sported the remnants of a black eye and a cast on his left arm

The boy nodded. "Do you want to come draw with me and Cheryl?"

"I'm not much of an artist," Emmett said with a smile. "But my friend Justin is a real artist."

"He is?" Joey's eyes had gotten really big.

"Yep, he goes to PIFA."

"What's that?

"It's Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Art."

"Wow," Joey reacted. He wasn't sure what the name meant but it sounded very impressive to his ears.

"Maybe I could bring Justin to visit some day and you two could talk about art."

"Really?"

"Really," Emmett said hoping Justin would be agreeable to coming to Safe Haven with him.

"When?"

"I don't know," Emmett admitted. "I'd have to talk to Justin."

Joey stared up at this man. He wondered if he could trust him, or if he was like so many other adults who said things they didn't mean.

"What?" Emmett asked slightly unnerved by the boy's look.

"Do you promise?"

"I promise to try."

"Okay," Joey said slowly. He'd wait and see. He went back to the table where he and Cheryl had been drawing. He glanced back at Emmett who was watching him. Emmett smiled one of his goofy smiles and Joey couldn't help but smile back.

Emmett heard someone in the foyer and he turned around.

"Jason," he called, "where are you going?" Emmett had also met Jason his first day at Safe Haven and everyday after. Blanche had explained that Jason would be leaving soon due to his age. It seemed that Jason wasn't very happy about going, and he had taken to sneaking out and getting into trouble to show his resentment.

"Out," Jason said not halting his movement towards the front door.

"You know you've been grounded since you got caught shoplifting."

"Fuck off!"

"Jason," Emmett said in his best stern voice.

"You can't tell me what to do," Jason spat out turning to face Emmett.

"You're right, I can't, but I can tell Blanche that you're sneaking out and maybe they can arrange for you to go to your new place a little earlier … like today," Emmett threatened. He didn't know if that was even a possibility but he had to say something to stop the kid from leaving.

"You can't do that," Jason said defiantly.

"Try me." Jason hesitated and Emmett noted the flicker of doubt. "Why don't you come over here and talk to me about what's bothering you?" Emmett asked hoping to distract the kid from getting into greater difficulty. Maybe he could find out what was making him so troubled.

"What the fuck for? You can't do anything about it. You're just a volunteer."

Emmett could hear all of the disdain that Jason heaped on the word volunteer. "How do you know I can't do anything if you don't tell me what the problem is?"

Jason looked at Emmett and then at the door. For a fleeting second Emmett was afraid Jason was going to run. If he did, Emmett wasn't sure what he should do. He didn't know if he should chase the kid. He might be able to catch him. His legs were longer. He could call for Blanche who was upstairs somewhere.

Suddenly Jason took a step towards Emmett. "I guess I could talk to you," he said looking Emmett up and down. "Are you gay?" he asked bluntly.

"Why yes, I am," Emmett said with a laugh. "What gave me away?"

"Your laugh and your clothes and the way you talk."

"I've never tried to hide who or what I am," Emmett said in his usual straightforward manner.

Jason looked at him assessing if he could believe Emmett and how much he might want to tell him. "I think … I think … I might be gay too," Jason whispered.

"What?" Emmett said blown away. That was about the last thing he had expected to hear. "What makes you think so?"

"I don't like girls," Jason said.

"I'm gay and I love girls. They can be really sweet and kind."

"They can?" Jason asked. "I bet you love everybody."

"Well, pretty much. I mean, why not? Where does hating people and not giving them a chance get you?"

"It can stop you from getting hurt."

Emmett thought about that. All these kids had been abused by the adults in their lives. "It can also stop anybody from loving you and helping you to have a better, happier life."

"Like that's going to happen for me," Jason snorted.

"Hasn't your life here been pretty good?"

"Yeah," Jason admitted slowly, "but now they're kicking me out."

"I heard you would be leaving in about a month."

"Some birthday present!" Emmett could hear the pain in the boy's voice.

"What do you mean - birthday present?"

"I turn fourteen and they kick me out."

"Is that a rule here?" Jason nodded. "I see. But couldn't you look at it as moving on to the next phase of your life?"

"I don't want to leave Andrew."

"Who's Andrew?" Emmett asked.

"He's the one who started this place. He brought me here when I was only six. I love him."

Emmett took a breath. He wasn't sure what he was dealing with. Was Jason saying he had a gay crush on this Andrew or was he bemoaning the loss of a significant adult in his life? "You … you love him?" Emmett stammered.

"You should know about that. You're gay?"

"How old is this Andrew?"

"I don't know. Old."

"Too old for you?"

"Who says?"

"It was just a question."

"Blanche says he's coming to talk to me this week. I know he's going to tell me that I'm too young for him and that I'll be fine at the Red Wheel group home and that I'm just a kid and I don't know what love is." Emmett could see the tears Jason was fighting to hold back.

"Does Andrew know you love him?"

"I told him."

"You did? When?"

"A few months ago. Andrew's gay too."

"How do you know?"

"Everybody knows."

"I didn't," Emmett protested. He hadn't even met this Andrew.

"He told me that I was too young and that he already had someone else. I've hardly talked to him since, and now I have to go away. I'll never see him again."

Emmett pulled the teen to his chest and hugged him tight. Surprisingly the boy let him do it. Emmett could feel him gulp for air as the tears were allowed to flow. He thought back to his first crush on a guy. He remembered how hard it could be and held Jason a little tighter. "It'll be all right," he whispered against the boy's hair. "It will work out." He had no idea whether it would work out or not, but it seemed like the right thing to say. Emmett vowed to speak to this Andrew before Jason had to leave Safe Haven.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

The next time Emmett went to volunteer at Safe Haven he had Justin in tow. Emmett had switched his morning volunteer time to an afternoon when he had no work to do for his business and when Justin got out of class just after one o'clock. They had met for lunch at the diner and had then made their way over to Safe Haven. Justin was planning a little art lesson for Joey and Cheryl. He thought he might show them some of his less explicit Rage pictures and talk to them about cartooning. He knew he would play it by ear and see what they wanted to do, but that was his backup plan if they weren't interested in doing anything else.

Emmett showed Justin the playroom and the table where Joey and Cheryl usually drew. He told Justin that they should be coming in from school pretty soon.

Emmett excused himself and went to look for Blanche. He had told her that he wanted to speak to Andrew, but Blanche had refused to give Emmett his telephone number. She said she would talk to Andrew the next time he came to Safe Haven and let Emmett know what he said about a meeting. Apparently it was not Mr. High and Mighty Andrew Patrick's policy to talk to the volunteers. Emmett was ready to give this arrogant bastard a piece of his mind.

After Emmett disappeared Justin looked around a bit. As he was returning to the table where he had laid out some of his things, he heard the door open and the sound of young voices.

"Hey, who are you?" a young boy asked. "That's our table." He looked up at Justin defiantly.

"Then you must be Joey. Hi, I'm Justin," Justin said holding out his hand.

Joey frowned for a moment and then shook the offered hand vigorously. "You're Emmett's friend - a real artist?" Joey said with something akin to awe in his voice.

Justin smiled. "I hear you're an artist too."

Joey beamed at him. "I draw," he said simply.

"And you must be Cheryl," Justin said looking at the little girl who seemed to be quite shy. "Emmett asked me to bring some of my artwork to show you guys. I'd like to see some of yours too."

They all sat down at the table. Justin showed them one of his sketchbooks carefully skipping over nude pictures of Brian. He showed them some of Gus and Lindsay and Daphne. He looked for one of Brian, but he always seemed to be nude in every sketch. He'd have to find a headshot of Brian to bring if he came there again.

He pulled out the Rage sketches that he thought were appropriate for the youngsters and they looked them over, very impressed that Justin had made an actual comic book.

"Rage kind of looks like Andrew," Joey observed.

"He does? Who's Andrew?"

"My friend."

"I guess Rage looks like a lot of people, especially the ones who help and protect us."

Joey nodded. "Want to see one of my drawings of Andrew?" he asked.

"Sure."

Joey went to a plastic container on a shelf and carried it back to the table. Justin could see that it contained crayons and paper. He vowed to get a real sketchbook and some proper pencils for the little boy.

"That's Andrew," Joey stated holding a sheet of binder paper out to Justin.

Justin looked at the crayon drawing. He could see that Andrew seemed to be tall and slim and wore a suit. He had dark hair and very strange eyes. He couldn't really see the resemblance to Rage, but he could see the potential in the drawing. Joey just might have some real talent.

"That's very good, Joey," Justin said. "You have talent."

"I have lots more pictures of Andrew," Joey said hauling out a stack of binder paper.

Each sheet contained a drawing of the same man. Justin could see the progression as the pictures near the bottom were cruder and obviously earlier. Joey seemed to be honing his skills.

"Your work is improving all the time," Justin said. "Do you want me to show you some tricks when you are drawing bodies?"

Both children nodded and Justin started his impromptu lesson on how the head of a figure was one seventh the size of the body. He had them rip up paper in the right proportions starting with the head which determined the size of everything else. They then assembled a paper doll type body. They made action figures with the ripped pieces having the figure skate or dance or crawl. The children laughed and enjoyed themselves. Soon other children were watching and Justin got some of them to join in too.

Suddenly a bell rang.

"What's that?" Justin asked.

"Fifteen minutes till dinner time," Joey said. "We have to go get washed up."

"Then don't let me keep you. Artists need their sustenance."

Joey looked at Justin and smiled. "Thanks for coming today, Justin. We had fun." Cheryl nodded her head in agreement and so did several other of the children.

"I had fun too," Justin said with a laugh. "Make sure you put all your stuff away," he said gathering up his own belongings. He noted that each child had a plastic tub to keep their playroom things in.

"Thanks," Joey said as he put his tub on the shelf. He turned and gave Justin a big hug.

"Would you like me to come again some time?" Justin asked.

"Would you?" Joey asked his eyes getting big.

"I'll see what I can do."

Joey and Cheryl waved goodbye and followed the other children out to get ready for dinner.

Once they were gone Emmett appeared in the doorway. "Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yeah, that was fun, but it's tiring dealing with a roomful of youngsters."

"Can you imagine what teachers have to put up with every day?"

"I can't even begin to know," Justin said as they headed out.

"Did you find out anything from Blanche?"

"She hasn't told Andrew that I want to speak to him. Apparently they don't contact him unless there's an emergency. So I have to wait until he deigns to show up here."

"That seems like a strange arrangement," Justin said frowning. "Joey has a whole stack of drawings of Andrew. Apparently he makes quite an impression on his young charges."

"Yeah," Emmett agreed thinking of Jason. He had not told Justin why he needed to speak to Andrew.

"Joey's a sweet little boy, and his friend Cheryl didn't say a word. I told Joey that I would try to come again. I'd like to get him a real sketchbook and some pencils. He has some talent."

"That's great, Justin," Emmett said hugging his friend in appreciation for giving his time and talent to Safe Haven.

"Maybe I should officially volunteer," Justin said thoughtfully.

"That would be great," Emmett gushed giving Justin a huge smile. "Maybe you could talk Brian into volunteering too."

"When pigs fly," Justin said with a wry smile.

"Yeah, right. What was I thinking?" Emmett agreed as they caught their bus.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Justin ran up the steps to the loft. "Are you home, Brian?" Justin called as he pulled the loft door back.

"I'm right here," Brian said from the computer desk. Justin nearly jumped out of his skin. "What's got you all hot and bothered?"

"I went with Emm today to Safe Haven," Justin said happily. "There are some great kids there. I showed them how to make paper figures."

"Did you now?" Brian said slowly. "Want me to order some take-out?"

"Um, sure."

"What would you like?"

"Surprise me. Did you hear what I said about Safe Haven?"

Brian nodded and picked up the phone. He hit the speed dial for his favorite Thai restaurant. Having placed the order he said, "Want a beer while we wait?"

Justin nodded. Brian brought over two beers and they sat on the sofa.

"I really enjoyed working with the kids at Safe Haven," Justin said taking a long drink from his beer, "but it's exhausting with a whole bunch of them asking questions and wanting your attention."

"How many were you working with?" Brian asked.

"I went to help a little boy named Joey who Emmett had told me about. The kid hasn't had any training in art, but he draws all the time and seems to have some real talent."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, and he's a sweet little boy. His friend Cheryl is very nice too, but awfully quiet. I don't think she said one word the whole time I was there. Joey does all the talking for both of them."

Brian snorted. "Um, isn't it usually the women who do all the talking?"

"Not in this case. Anyway after a while several more kids started watching us and wanted to join in. It was fun," Justin said happily.

"I'm glad you had a good day," Brian said giving Justin a kiss on the cheek. He liked to see his partner happy.

"Emmett says I could probably volunteer on a regular basis."

"You don't really have time, do you? You're still catching up at PIFA."

"I know, but I thought I could make some time and do some sort of art program with the kids there."

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Brian said bluntly.

"Why not?" Justin said testily. "Just because you don't believe in helping out in the community, doesn't mean I can't."

Brian felt a little jolt of hurt. How quickly the Concerned Citizens for the Truth had been forgotten! "I didn't say you couldn't volunteer," Brian said carefully. "I just said it didn't sound like a good idea with your schedule."

"Well, I'm going to do it," Justin said positively.

Brian shrugged. "Suit yourself."

"I will. You know … Emmett suggested that maybe you could volunteer too."

"Did he now?"

"Yep, and I think that would be a great idea," Justin said in a coaxing voice and flashing one of his best smiles.

"I think I need to have a chat with one Emmett Honeycutt," Brian said with a frown.

Just then the buzzer rang indicating that their food had arrived. Brian went to answer it glad that the train of their conversation had been momentarily derailed.

 

Standing in the Light

Chapter 3

"Done and done," Justin said in his best Homer Simpson voice.

"What?" Brian asked from the computer desk where he had been surfing.

"I just finished my paper that's due tomorrow."

"What subject?"

"English."

"Topic?"

"Homosexual overtones in the works of E. M. Forster."

"Christ, they never had topics like that when I was in university," Brian griped.

"Well, we have progressed somewhat from the Dark Ages when you were there."

"Twat!"

Justin giggled. "Are you going to give me my reward now or later?"

Brian thought for a moment as he listened to the whine of the printer making the hard copy of Justin's work. "What makes you think you deserve a reward for doing what is expected of you?"

"Because you love me and want to make me happy."

Brian felt a sudden jab of guilt. That was exactly what he did want to do, but he knew he didn't do it often enough and didn't say often enough how much he appreciated Justin standing by him and sticking with him through his asshole days and his push-them-off-the-cliff period and cancer. He shuddered. "I'll meet you in the bedroom in five minutes. I've thought of a suitable reward for a bad little boy."

"Oooh," Justin cooed. "I like the sound of that."

Brian smiled and continued to look at some of the internet advertising he had been examining. One of his new clients would do well to advertise on the net and he was trying to decide what sites and what approach to take to that campaign.

Justin retrieved the pages of his paper from the printer. He tapped them on the desk making sure they were all lined up. He opened the drawer looking for a proper folder to showcase his work. He rummaged through all the drawers not finding what he wanted.

Shit!"

"What's the matter, Sunshine? Printer eat your work?"

"No, but I can't find one of those clear plastic folders to put over it and it's due in the morning."

"I think there might be one in my briefcase. Have a look."

"Thanks." Justin went over to Brian's briefcase which stood beside the counter. He lifted it onto one of the barstools and opened it. He flipped through some papers not seeing what he wanted. "I don't see one," Justin said.

"Look in the top. I think there's one with something in it, but you can empty it and use it."

Justin pulled the papers out of the lid of the briefcase. He found the type of folder he wanted and then something else caught his eye.

"Brian, what's this?" he asked.

"What's what? I told you that you can throw out what was in the folder."

"Not that. This!" Justin held a piece of paper with a drawing on it under Brian's nose.

"Give me that," Brian said snatching it out of Justin's hand and standing up abruptly. "That's none of your business."

"What are you doing with one of Joey's drawings of Andrew?"

"Who's Andrew?" Brian asked trying to stay calm.

"It's the name written on the bottom of this picture. I know it's one of Joey's drawings. It's exactly like all his others. Why do you have this, Brian?"

Brian scrambled trying to think of a plausible explanation, but he knew Justin would never buy anything he was likely to come up with. Maybe it was time for the truth. He took a deep breath.

"Okay, okay," Brian said slowly the hand holding the picture planted on his hip, the other raking through his hair. "I'll tell you, but you have to promise never to tell anyone else."

"Of course, I won't. Your secrets are safe with me. Everything is safe with me." He smiled at Brian wondering what the hell he was going to hear.

Brian knew that he truly was safe with Justin. Justin always kept his confidences. It was other people who couldn't keep their mouths shut, not to name any names.

"Come sit over here and bring a bottle of Beam with you."

"Briaaaan," Justin said not wanting Brian to get drunk. He wanted to hear the whole story, not some liquor induced fantasy.

"All right, forget the booze. Come sit with me."

They sat on the large cushions by the tall windows. Brian leaned against the sill at the bottom of the windows and tapped the cushion between his legs. Justin scooted in between them and leaned back against Brian's chest. He smiled to himself. This was typical of Brian not wanting to look at him while he told something he really didn't want to reveal. He felt Brian's strong arms come around his chest and he sighed contentedly. Anything new he learned about Brian Kinney only made him love the man more. He wondered what this story would be.

"I'm Andrew," Brian whispered above his head.

"What?" Justin asked turning to look at Brian's face. He thought he might be kidding, putting him on, but Brian's eyes told him that he was serious. "How can you be Andrew?"

"My full name is Brian Andrew Patrick Kinney."

"You mean the 'A' doesn't really stand for asshole?"

"No, twat," Brian said giving Justin's nipple a pinch.

"Ow!"

"Be quiet and listen. When I started Safe Haven I decided…"

"You started Safe Haven?"

"That's what I said. Now, may I finish?"

Justin turned again to look into Brian's eyes. The man was deadly serious. Justin couldn't believe what he was hearing. He turned back to look out at the loft and rested his head against Brian's throat. He wasn't sure his little brain could take all this in. "Go on," he managed to croak out.

"I decided I didn't want anybody to know that I had anything to do with Safe Haven."

"But why?" Justin had a million questions, but the most pressing one was why wouldn't Brian want people to know how incredibly generous he was founding a place like Safe Haven. "And where the fuck did you get the money to do it?"

Brian chuckled. "If you can contain yourself long enough for me to get a word in, you might get the answers to all your questions."

"Sorry, I'll be quiet now."

"I'll believe that when I see it." Brian waited, expecting some retort from his blond twink. When nothing was forthcoming he decided to continue his story.

"I had been working at Ryder a little over a year. I was doing really well for myself. I had bought the loft and the Jeep and I was riding high."

Justin sighed. He could picture a young, vibrant Brian Kinney just starting out on his career. He wished he had known Brian then, but at least he knew him now.

"One day this man came into my office. He had a new idea for selling computers and had just established his own company. He needed to have an advertising campaign that would get his ideas and his product out to the public."

"Who was this?" Justin asked.

"The guy who runs Comtech computers."

"You're kidding?"

"No, I'm not. He had no money to pay for advertising but he asked me to take him on and he would pay me with stock in his company. At that point the stock was worthless, but he promised it would skyrocket once the company got going. We kind of hit it off."

"Is he gay?"

"No. I didn't mean that we hit it off like that. We just liked each other. I thought he had a great idea for marketing his computers, not like any other manufacturer until Dell came along. Anyway, I helped him with getting his product known and he gave me thousands of shares of his worthless stock. After a couple of years those shares were worth several million dollars."

"You're kidding!" Justin said turning again to make sure Brian wasn't shitting him.

"You keep saying that, Sunshine. I'm telling you the true story."

"Sorry, but it's unbelievable. What did you do with all that money?"

"It was back in my bad old days. I did a lot of drugs and trips to the White Party and … you know."

"Yeah, I know," Justin said with a sigh. "Did you waste it all?"

"No, I did not," Brian said indignantly. "Just some of it," he admitted. "I realized after a while that the money wasn't making me any happier. I had everything I needed from my salary at Ryder and I was just shitting myself by thinking that drinking and drugging my nights away was doing anybody any good."

"So how did you come to found Safe Haven?"

"Shortly after I had this revelation about my life, there was a headline in the papers about a ten year old boy who was beaten to death by his parents. It was quite a scandal, made worse by the fact that Child Services had been called in several times and had not removed the boy, mainly because they had no place to put him."

"Was that your inspiration for Safe Haven?" Justin asked thinking of what little he knew of Brian's own abusive childhood.

"Kind of. I realized somewhere in there that the little boy could have been me," Brian whispered.

Justin twisted around and gave Brian a long, soft kiss, pouring out his concern and understanding in their embrace.

When the kiss ended, Brian looked quizzically at his partner and then grinned. "But it wasn't, so I decided to do something about these kids that weren't lucky enough to have the Novotny household to run to."

Justin frowned thinking of how important Debbie and Michael had been in Brian's life. He vowed to try not to resent Michael's place in said life and be thankful that Brian had someone he could depend on back in those scary times.

"I contacted my friend at Comtech. His name's Michael too and we agreed to found a safe haven for abused kids in Pittsburgh. He said he would match my funds, and we set up a trust using most of the money from his shares. I found the old house where Safe Haven is now located and then Blanche Dalton came into the picture. She was a godsend and has run Safe Haven ever since."

"Jesus, Brian, how long have you kept this a secret?"

"It isn't a secret exactly. I just never told anyone."

"They all think you're an asshole," Justin said, meaning their little family of misfits.

"Let them. I don't care."

"But they should know how generous you are, what a great guy."

"I'm not. I did it for selfish reasons."

"How do you figure that?"

"I would probably be dead now if I had continued the way I was going. I did it to save my own life."

"You know, that would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic."

"What do you mean?" Brian asked tensing up behind Justin.

"You believe your own fucking bullshit that you're such an uncaring bastard. You really are a wonderful man."

"Justin," Brian rumbled. Justin knew by the tone that he was treading on shaky ground opening this up with Brian, but he knew it needed to be said.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Justin asked.

"Probably not," Brian admitted.

"Asshole!"

"See, you think I'm an asshole too," Brian smirked knowing that Justin didn't really think that at all.

"Do not," Justin retorted. "I don't see why you couldn't have told me. You know I can keep a secret."

"You weren't supposed to know. Nobody was supposed to know. It's all Joey's fault … and Emmett's for taking you to Safe Haven."

"And how do you figure that it's Emmett's fault. I would still have found that picture in your briefcase."

"But you wouldn't have known what it meant, and I could have made up some story."

"You would have lied to me?" Justin asked in disbelief.

"Probably," Brian admitted. "Nobody was supposed to know."

"You said that before, but I think what nobody was supposed to know was that you are a kind … and caring … and giving man." He punctuated each character trait with a kiss.

"Well, that too," Brian said tongue in cheek.

Justin smiled up at him. It was good to hear Brian admit, even in such an obtuse manner, that he knew that he was a good man.

"I'm glad you finally told me."

"You will keep it just between us?"

"I promise."

"I should maybe tell you the rest of it then."

"The rest?"

"There's a Safe Haven II in Philadelphia."

"Jesus Christ, Brian! How big is this thing?"

"We're looking at a site for number three in Harrisburg."

"Fuck!"

"I'd like to, if you're ready. Wasn't there something about a reward before all hell broke loose?" Brian asked kissing the top of Justin's head.

"I seem to remember that, but I think you're the one who deserves a reward."

"We can reward each other," Brian suggested.

"That sounds good to me," Justin said turning in Brian's arms and sliding his hands under Brian's wifebeater. His palms caressed Brian's chest squeezing over his breasts, his fingers gently pinching the nipples. Brian moaned and captured Justin's lips in a deep kiss.

They tore at each other's clothes discarding them, feeling the need for skin against skin. Brian shoved Justin down on the large cushion and humped against him. Their straining cocks caught between them grew even harder with the friction.

"I need you," Justin whispered against Brian's ear. "Fuck me."

Brian quickly donned a condom and entered his lover. He knew Justin would keep his secret. He had always known that. But he had never found the right moment or reason to tell Justin about Safe Haven. He was glad it was all out in the open now.

Brian began his steady rhythm building in speed and intensity as they spiraled towards orgasm. Each thrust spoke his trust and belief in Justin. Justin could hear what Brian was telling him as clearly as if the man had shouted it from the rooftop.

"I love you … so much," Justin said seeking the red swollen lips once again.

The kiss went on and on as Brian continued to pump into Justin's tight hole. He couldn't believe how much Justin meant to him. He had never had anyone he could talk to and confide everything to. He told Michael a lot of things, but not everything. Michael always had trouble keeping information to himself.

"Justin," Brian moaned as his orgasm neared. "Close."

"Me too," Justin gasped. And suddenly they were coming, long and hard and satisfyingly.

"Phew," Justin breathed as Brian dropped on top of him finally spent. "That was some reward."

"I expect the same reward for myself," Brian said trying to catch his breath.

"Are you saying…?"

"Yes," Brian said looking into those blue eyes. "But give me a minute."

Justin's arms went around Brian's back holding him close and trying to keep Brian's softening cock inside of him for just a little longer. After a minute or two Brian rolled away not wanting to crush the boy. He disposed of the condom and lay down beside his lover.

"I didn't know that your full name was Brian Andrew Patrick Kinney," Justin said thoughtfully.

"That stays between the two of us too," Brian cautioned giving Justin a glare.

"Okay, but what difference does it make?"

"It's my business," Brian said simply.

"You'd rather have people think your middle name is asshole?"

Brian shrugged. "I don't care what they think."

"How come nobody knows about the Patrick part?"

"It's my confirmation name. You know, after St. Patrick of Ireland."

"I see," Justin said. "I always tried to guess what the 'A' stood for."

"You did? What was your best guess?"

"Aloysius."

"Christ!"

"Well, when you wouldn't say, people are going to think the worst."

"People?"

"Me."

"I didn't realize I was the topic of so much speculation." Justin snorted. "What?" Brian asked.

"You thrive on speculation. In fact I bet you get your jollies from all the dumb things people think about you."

Brian's smirk told Justin that he had hit the nail on the head.

"Joey really thinks a lot of you," Justin said suddenly.

"I think a lot of Joey. He's only been at Safe Haven for a few weeks."

"I know. He was telling me that he has another three weeks before his cast comes off."

"He was in pretty bad shape when I picked him up to bring him to Safe Haven."

"You brought him there yourself?"

"There was no one else available that day. Blanche had to stay with the other children."

Justin thought back about a month. "Was that the day you were late for dinner and I was ticked at you?"

"No, Sunshine, that was a week or so after Joey was rescued."

"Rescued? I like that."

"He was so scared and so brave that day I picked him up. He refused to talk to anybody. All he said was that he was never going back to his fucking parents because they didn't deserve him."

"He's right. They don't deserve him. I don't know how adults, parents, can do that to their child."

"I do," Brian said with a tinge of sadness in his voice.

Justin rolled towards Brian and took his face in his hands. He stared into the hazel eyes and then slowly kissed the full lips. "No child should have to endure what Joey went through." Justin meant that Brian shouldn't have had to endure it either.

"That's right," Brian said staring. "That's why they have Safe Haven."

"I think it's time for your reward now."

"You do, do you?"

"You said I could."

"I always mean what I say," Brian said sticking his tongue in his cheek.

"Good. Roll over."

Brian obliged by turning onto his stomach. He waited for the raspy feel of Justin's tongue to start working on his back and his ass cheeks and his hole. He moaned slightly getting hard just from thinking about it. Justin didn't seem to be paying attention.

"Sunshine," Brian singsonged his nickname.

"Hmmm."

"Waiting here."

"Oh, yeah."

"What the fuck are you thinking about?"

"Emmett."

"Emmett? At a time like this?"

"He really wants to talk to Andrew."

"I know. I've been avoiding him."

"You can't do that indefinitely. You know Emmett doesn't give up easily."

"Unfortunately I do know that. But at the moment I prefer not to think of Emmett Honeycutt." Brian wiggled his ass trying to get Justin to concentrate on the issue at hand.

"You can trust Emmett, you know. He wouldn't tell anybody if you asked him not to."

"I may have to do just that," Brian admitted. "But right now would you stick your goddamn tongue or finger or cock up my fucking ass before I go crazy?"

"Yes, Andrew," Justin giggled as his tongue dove into Brian's hole causing the man to whimper and rise up off the cushion. He would make sure Brian Andrew Patrick Kinney got a spectacular reward and knew how much his altruistic actions were appreciated by at least one person.

 

Standing in the Light

Chapter 4

A couple of days later Brian entered Safe Haven. Blanche had called him and he knew he had to make time for his talk with Jason. The boy was getting into more and more trouble. He had gotten himself suspended from school for starting a fire in some boy's locker. He had been singularly unrepentant when he was confronted. Blanche had managed to get them to refrain from pressing charges, but Jason was under house arrest, so to speak, at Safe Haven for the next week. Blanche was worried that he was going to pull a runner.

Blanche met Andrew inside the front doors.

"Where is he?" Brian/Andrew asked.

"He's up in his room. He's very belligerent. What's worse, he doesn't seem to care what happens to him," she explained.

"I'm not sure what I can say to him," Andrew admitted with a sigh.

"You have to try. Somebody needs to get through to that boy before he really goes off the deep end."

"I'll try."

Blanche nodded and Andrew made his way up the stairs. He tapped lightly on the door to Jason's room. There was no answer. He knocked louder. Finally the door was yanked open.

"Andrew?" a surprised Jason said.

"That's right. Why didn't you answer the first time?" Andrew asked.

"I wasn't going to answer at all," Jason said belligerently crossing his arms on his chest.

"What kind of attitude is that?"

"The one I have right now," Jason said defiantly.

"Can we sit down and talk for a few minutes?" Andrew asked.

"Not unless it's to tell me that I can stay here."

"You know I can't do that."

"Then get out."

"Jason…"

"I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"This attitude isn't going to solve anything."

"Neither is anything you have to say."

"You have your whole life ahead of you. Red Wheel House is a nice place. They'll look after you. No one will hurt you there," Andrew added as an afterthought.

"Like no one hurt me here," Jason said bitterly.

"Did someone hurt you?" Andrew asked ready to fire anyone who might have injured one of his charges.

"Only you!" Jason declared. "But you don't care, so it doesn't matter." The bitterness was clearly evident in Jason's voice.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I only wanted to help you," Andrew said softly.

"Then why can't you love me?"

"We do love you. We love all the children here."

"That's not what I mean … and you know it!" Jason practically screamed at him.

"Jason…" Andrew said and reached for the boy's hand. He felt Jason try to pull away but he refused to release him. The next thing he knew Jason's arms were around his neck and he was hugging Brian with every ounce of his strength.

"Please don't make me leave," the boy begged.

"Jason," Andrew said gently, "Jason." Carefully he pushed Jason away trying to be forceful but kind. "You know what the rules are," he said with as much compassion as he could muster. He wanted to take the boy in his arms and tell him everything would be all right, but he knew Jason would interpret that the wrong way. It would merely make matters worse.

"I … I love you," Jason cried the tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I've told you that that is not possible, not in the way that you mean," Andrew said trying to remain calm. He wished he knew the right thing to say. Nothing he did seemed to be making this any better.

"I … I told Emmett that I'm gay. I know I am. And I love you. I want to be with you. Don't send me away. Please!" Jason's voice was verging on hysterical.

Brian sighed. He had no idea what to do now. He had suspected for some time that Jason was gay, that Jason's affection for him was very different from that of the other children. He had tried first to ignore it and then to let Jason down gently without really dealing with it. Now he had to face it, and the distraught young man in front of him.

"Jason, I think we need to get you some counseling. I know how difficult the teenage years are, and being gay…"

"Don't you fucking try to foist me off on someone else!" Jason's words came with a cold, cutting edge. "If you don't want me and Safe Haven doesn't want me, then I don't want any of you!" he screamed. "Fuck you! Fuck all of you!"

He dashed past Andrew before he be could grabbed. He raced down the stairs almost falling in his haste but not caring. Breaking his neck would be preferable to the humiliation and rejection he had just experienced with Andrew.

Andrew followed close behind calling Jason's name. Blanche appeared out of her office as Jason darted by. The boy was out the front door as Andrew and Blanche met at the bottom of the stairs.

"What happened?" Blanche asked.

"He … it didn't go well," Andrew said simply.

"Should I call the police?"

"We have to wait twenty-four hours for it to be official, but call the officer that investigated the locker fire. Maybe he can get some people looking for Jason a little sooner."

"You don't think he'll come back on his own?"

Andrew shook his head. "Highly unlikely. I fucked it up really good."

"He's been in love with you for months. Nothing anybody said could change his mind."

"I know. I thought it was a crush that would wear off. Obviously I was wrong. Now he hates me and this place and his life. He has nowhere to go."

"He'll end up on the streets," Blanche said shaking her head.

"If we don't find him … and if he doesn't do something drastic first."

"You don't think he'd …"

"I don't know. He was out of his mind when he ran out. His whole world is collapsing around him. He could do anything."

"Shit!" Blanche said. She never swore, but Brian understood the word expressed her darkest fears. She went back into her office to call the police officer. Andrew went out to his car to drive around and see if he could spot Jason. If he did, he had no idea what he could possibly say to him.

A couple of hours later Andrew parked the Corvette outside Safe Haven. He had searched everywhere that he could think of and had found no sign of Jason. He had driven along all the streets in the area. He had stopped the car and asked total strangers if they had seen a boy fitting the description that he gave them. He was exhausted from worry and tension. He prayed that Blanche would have good news for him when he went inside.

He pushed open the front door of Safe Haven half expecting to find the foyer full of cops and reporters. He looked around wondering where Blanche was. Suddenly she came rushing out of her office.

"Andrew," she said, "we've found him. Emmett Honeycutt, the volunteer, just called to say that Jason had contacted him.

"Thank God!" Andrew reacted. "Is he all right?"

"Emmett talked to him on the phone. He said Jason was very upset, but he had managed to get the boy to tell him where he was."

"Where is he?"

"Emmett didn't say. He was going to go pick him up and try to get him to come back here."

"I don't think Jason's going to want to do that," Andrew said shaking his head.

"Emmett said he was borrowing a friend's car and might take Jason back there if he wouldn't come back to Safe Haven."

"I see," Andrew said. "Do we have any counselor volunteers that we could hook Jason up with? He needs to talk to someone, and it can't be me."

"I'll see what I can do," Blanche said. "Why don't you go home? We know where Jason is. Emmett won't let anything happen to him."

"Keep me informed. If he returns here … or if anything else happens, I want to know."

"Of course."

"I'm going then," Andrew said. He was exhausted.

As he climbed into the Corvette he wondered how Emmett was doing with Jason. That boy was a handful, but he seemed to trust Emmett. It was good to have someone to trust. He thought back to his teenage years and how he had learned to trust Debbie and Michael. He wondered if Emmett would end up taking Jason back to Deb's. Brian's secret life and his real life were suddenly overlapping in a very disconcerting way.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Brian lifted the gate on the elevator. He inserted his key and pulled back the door to the loft.

"Justin," he called. There was no response. Justin wasn't there.

Brian got rid of his briefcase and coat and went up to the bedroom. He put on some jeans and an old T-shirt feeling wiped. He walked down the steps and over to the bar cart. He needed a drink. He poured himself a tumbler full of Beam and carried it back up to the bedroom. He wondered where Justin could be as he dropped down onto the bed. He propped some pillows behind him and leaned against them. He took a sip of the liquor feeling its pleasant burn all the way down. He let out a big sigh.

His mind went back to Jason. He had really fucked up big time with that kid. The funny thing was, he liked Jason, had always liked him. He was a tough little boy when he first came to Safe Haven, but troubled too. Always troubled. He had been in trouble on and off all the time that he had been at Safe Haven. Usually it was small stuff and Blanche had handled it. Now it seemed to be getting more serious, more dangerous. Jason had been involved in shoplifting, setting a fire in another student's locker and now running away. Each time Blanche had called the boy on his shit, made him make restitution and then had followed through with some kind of punishment. What more could have been done?

Brian took a long drink of the Beam. He felt his stomach momentarily revolt. He didn't drink like he used to. He was getting out of practice. A lot had changed since the bout with cancer. He pushed that thought away.

Jason needed some professional help, Brian decided. He hoped Blanche could find someone who would take him on. Usually there were some psychologists or counselors who offered their time pro bono to Safe Haven. Occasionally they got a psychiatrist with an altruistic streak. He thought that was probably what Jason needed.

He wondered what his part in all of this had to do with how it had turned out. If Jason hadn't fallen in love with him, hadn't had a crush on him, would he have left Safe Haven more easily? Would he have been more willing to give Red Wheel a chance? He'd never know, but he still felt the responsibility.

He finished off the Beam and closed his eyes. Somewhere deep inside him was the scared fourteen year old who had walked into that shower with his coach. He wondered what would have happened if the coach had rejected him instead of letting him suck him off. He frowned. Jason had many things in common with him, but he couldn't pretend to love the boy, not the way he wanted him to. He did love him as one of his charges, as someone who needed his help, but not as a lover. And that was what Jason wanted. He didn't want to suck Brian off, although he probably would have with any encouragement. Maybe that was the difference between him and Jason. Jason was looking for someone to love him. Brian had never looked for that, had never even wanted that. He didn't believe in love.

Until Justin. His life had somehow started when Justin Taylor had walked into it. All the things he had claimed he never wanted suddenly were possible. And he found himself wanting them, especially when it looked like they would be ripped away from him. They had survived the bashing, Ethan, his own stubbornness and pride. He had almost succeeded in driving Justin away. Thank God the boy was even more stubborn than he was.

"Brian?" Justin's voice called from the loft door.

"Up here," Brian replied not getting up.

"Is something wrong?" Justin asked coming up the steps and seeing him lying on the bed. "Are you sick?"

"Waiting for you," Brian said softly.

"Did you start without me?" Justin asked as he slid on the bed beside Brian.

"Never," Brian said with a grin. He stared at the beautiful face in front of him. He didn't know how he had got so lucky to find this young man, but he couldn't conceive of a life without him, not any more.

"Is something wrong?" Justin asked again as Brian continued to study his face.

"I had a rough day."

"What happened?"

Brian sighed and then realized that he could tell Justin. Justin knew about Safe Haven. He could share everything with him. "It's about Safe Haven."

"Is Joey all right?"

"Joey's fine. It's another boy, Jason."

"I don't think I met him when I was there," Justin said thinking back.

"Probably not. He's one of the older boys, almost fourteen. He will be moving to another facility after his birthday."

"Oh," Justin said, "is that a rule?"

Brian nodded. "He's been fighting it … and he seems to have a crush on me."

Justin giggled and then stopped when he realized that Brian was being totally serious. "So what happened with Jason?"

"I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't listening to any of it. He pulled a runner. I was out driving around looking for him for hours."

"Is he still missing? I could go out with you?" Justin offered.

"He's with Emmett," Brian said.

"Emmett?"

"Yep, Emmett. Much prefers him to me," Brian said with a wry smile.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"Apparently Emmett befriended Jason when he was volunteering. He called Emmett after he ran away."

"Where are they?"

"I don't know. Maybe at Debbie's. Maybe he got him to go back to Safe Haven, although I doubt it. Blanche is supposed to call me as soon as she learns anything more."

"At least he's safe," Justin observed.

"Yeah," Brian agreed. "If he's at Deb's he might get crushed in one of her bear hugs."

"That is a hazard," Justin giggled.

Just then Brian's cell rang. He grabbed it from the nightstand. "Yeah," he said. "That's good … you think he'll stay put? … I hope so. Thanks for letting me know." Brian shut the phone and took a deep breath. "He's back at Safe Haven."

"That's a relief. Will he stay?" Justin asked resting his head on Brian's chest and drawing little circles with his fingers on Brian's T-shirt.

"Blanche seems to think so, at least for now."

"I wonder if it was Jason that Emmett wanted to talk to you about?" Justin asked.

"Now that I know Jason had talked to him, that's probably what it was."

"Are you going to meet with Emmett? Or should I say, are you going to let him see who you are?"

Brian thought about that. He really wanted to keep his role in Safe Haven to himself, but that seemed rather impossible the way things were going. If they were going to help Jason, he and Emmett needed to work together. He was going to have to tell the man and pray that he would keep it a secret.

"I think I'm going to have to tell Emmett. We need to work together," Brian said.

"For Jason's sake."

"Yeah."

"Emmett will be cool about it," Justin said.

"I hope so."

"Why don't you let me help you take your mind off things," Justin said lifting Brian's T-shirt over his head.

"I'm not sure that's possible."

"I have very talented fingers and lips and cock," Justin said confidently.

"I know you do."

Justin smiled his best room-warming smile. It always pleased him when Brian complimented him on his sexual prowess, when Brian complimented him on anything.

Brian's jeans disappeared as Justin continued to disrobe the man. Brian lay totally acquiescent on the bed. He loved it when Justin took charge especially after a hard day like today. Sometimes being the alpha male and always being in charge wore on his nerves and his stamina. When he let Justin take over he could relinquish all that. He knew Justin would never hurt him and that whatever they did together stayed between them. His reputation would still be intact no matter what he allowed Justin to do. And sometimes Justin did things to him that he could scarcely believe.

He felt Justin's hand encircle his stiffening cock. The boy slid his hand up and down the shaft a few times making him hard with anticipation. Suddenly he felt Justin's lips capture the head of his dick and suck … hard. Brian cried out and arched up.

Justin smiled as he held Brian's cock in his hand and watched the reaction. It never ceased to amaze him the noises he could elicit from this man. He could make him whimper and groan and moan and call his name and cry like a baby and beg with the best of them. Right now though he wanted to pleasure his man, wanted to take away the pain and exhaustion. He looked into Brian's eyes before his head descended to its prize.

Some time later Brian lay in absolute bliss with Justin sucking the last drops from his softening dick. The boy could do a blowjob like no one else on Earth. And he had tried most of those willing to give them. He sighed and turned his head to look at his young lover. The boy had moved up to rest on the pillow next to Brian. Justin's eyes studied him.

"Like what you see, Sunshine?" Brian asked.

"You look so sexy and … happy. I want to draw you," Justin said with a smile.

"So what's stopping you?" Brian asked.

"I don't want to be separated from you," Justin said simply looking at his fingers which were linked through Brian's.

Brian felt tears well up. That simple statement meant so much to him. He leaned over and kissed Justin softly. The boy was still fully clothed, but that didn't seem to matter to either of them.

"I don't want to be separated either," Brian whispered. "Come here," he asked.

Justin scooted closer and Brian pulled him partly onto his chest. "Heart to heart," he thought as he sighed in sheer contentment. Justin always made things better.

 

Standing in the Light

Chapter 5

The next day Brian dithered about arranging a meeting with Emmett. It pissed him off when he couldn't make a decision. He hated to be indecisive. It was not part of his vocabulary. He knew he should see Emmett … for Jason, but he didn't want "them" all to know about his role in Safe Haven. He was pretty sure that if he told Emmett then the whole family would find out. He didn't like that prospect at all.

He called Blanche and found out that Jason was still there and although he was being very silent and rather uncooperative, he had shown no signs of bolting again. She told him that Emmett was coming in the next morning to volunteer, and had promised Jason that they would spend some time together. Brian thought that was a good thing. Jason needed a friend right now. He wondered if he should meet with Emmett before Emmett saw Jason again.

The day gradually slipped away. Debbie called around noon and asked him and Justin to come to a family dinner. She wouldn't say what the purpose of it was, just that she wanted them all there. Finally Brian agreed. He would have much preferred to have his time to himself, and be alone with Justin when he came back from a visit with Daphne.

When Brian and Justin walked into Debbie's, late as usual, everyone was seated around the table and a heated discussion was in progress.

"About time you got here, asshole," Debbie griped.

"Thanks for the warm and heartfelt welcome, Deb," Brian retorted as he slumped into a chair. "Where's my son?" he asked looking around.

"We left him with a sitter," Melanie said.

"Shit! I wanted to see him."

"Then come by the fucking house some time."

"I … I will," Brian said. "Things have been kind of hectic lately."

"I bet," Melanie scoffed. "Getting your dick sucked takes up so much of your time."

Brian frowned and glared at Melanie. Justin saw the anger building and tried to diffuse it. "Maybe we could take Gus for some time next weekend," he suggested.

"That would be great," Lindsay said trying to keep Mel and Brian from going at each other.

"Would you all shut the fuck up!" Debbie told them. "Get some food and then I'll tell you all why I asked you here."

"Don't you mean ordered us here?" Brian asked sticking his tongue in his cheek.

"You just shut that trap!" Debbie glared at him. "You're already in my bad books for being late."

"I'm quaking in my boots," Brian muttered, not happy about Gus' absence and not enjoying getting chewed out in front of everyone.

"Why did you invite us?" Justin asked hoping again to get the topic turned around to something more positive before Brian decided to walk out.

"She wouldn't tell us," Ted said. "She was waiting for everyone to get here." He looked pointedly at Brian who stuck out his tongue at him.

"Has everybody got some food?" Debbie asked ignoring Justin's question. "Brian?"

Justin put some pasta on Brian's plate and then loaded up his own.

"We're all set," Lindsay said, "so tell us what's going on."

"Okay, okay," Debbie said taking a deep breath. "You all know that since Vic died I have been at loose ends." They all nodded knowingly and Michael patted his mother's hand. "I'm really glad that Michael and Ben have Hunter with them now." She smiled at the newly formed family. "But I don't see as much of them as I would like."

"Ma," Michael said. "You know we try to get over as often as we can."

"I know," she said, "but it just isn't the same. You have your own lives to live. That's why I was so happy when Emmett moved in." She smiled affectionately at Emmett who beamed in response.

"So is this a thank-you-to-Emmett-for-moving-in dinner?" Ted asked.

"No, it isn't," Debbie replied. "I know Emmett won't be here forever. He'll find someone and they'll want their own place."

"From your lips to God's ear," Emmett said making a face.

"Anyway, I'm thinking of doing something that I wanted to run by you all, because I might need your help," Debbie explained.

"What is it, Ma?" Michael asked looking at his mother in a concerned fashion. "You're all right, aren't you?"

"I'm fine, sweetheart," Debbie replied caressing Michael's face.

"Then tell us what the fuck you're going to do," Hunter demanded getting sick of waiting for the promised explanation.

"You watch that mouth, young man!" Debbie admonished and Hunter looked sheepish. "There's a kid who is in a pretty bad way right now, and could use a home and some much needed moral support. I'm planning on providing the home and I want you all to help with the moral support," Debbie said looking around the table.

"Who's this kid?" Michael asked with a frown.

"His name is Jason and Emmett met him at Safe Haven where he has been volunteering."

Brian groaned inwardly. This was all he needed. He glanced at Justin who was studying him with concern written all over his face. He gave a quick shake of his head to let Justin know not to say anything, but that he was all right even though he didn't like this turn of events.

"What's Safe Haven?" Lindsay asked.

"Oh, it's a home for abused kids. I've been volunteering there for a few weeks," Emmett explained. "Justin even came with me one day to do a little art lesson for some of the kids."

"That's great, guys," Ben said.

"I met this kid Jason who is at Safe Haven right now, but when he turns fourteen in a couple of weeks, he has to go somewhere else. He's not happy about where they're sending him, so he ran away the other day."

"Ma, I don't think you should be taking in a juvenile delinquent," Michael said.

"He's not a delinquent. He just ran away because he's unhappy," Debbie stated.

"He called me, and Deb and I picked him up and brought him here," Emmett added. "He was pretty upset but we talked him into going back to Safe Haven. He's a mixed up teenager, but he's not really a bad kid."

"How do you know that?" Michael asked. "He could rob you or kill you in your sleep."

"You took in Hunter," Debbie said glaring at her son.

"That's different," Michael declared.

"No, it's not," Ben contradicted his husband. "I think that's a great idea, Debbie."

"Thank you, Ben," Debbie responded with an affectionate smile for her son-in-law. "I'm going to do this. What I want is your support and maybe some help if the kid gets a little hard to handle. Do I have that?" she asked looking around the table. Most heads nodded yes, but Debbie's eyes fell on Brian who had not moved or made any acknowledgement of her request. "Brian?"

"I don't know if it's such a good idea," Brian said not wanting to get into why.

"See, Ma, Brian doesn't like it either," Michael said.

"I'm not asking your permission," Debbie said. "I just want your help and support. Do I have it?" Michael finally nodded as Debbie continued to glare at him.

When there was no immediate response from Brian, Ted said, "Like Brian helps or supports anyone? Especially a pathetic runaway?"

"That's not true," Justin said angry at Ted's statement.

Brian glared at Justin willing him to be silent. "I think that's a lot of responsibility to take on, Deb. That's all that I meant," Brian stated.

"Don't think I can handle it?" Debbie asked giving Brian a withering look.

"I'm sure you'll try your best," Brian admitted. "It's just that some of these kids are pretty screwed up by life, and it's difficult for anyone to help them."

"And what makes you such an expert on these kids?" Melanie asked with scorn in her voice.

"Brian's right," Lindsay defended him. "Some of these kids can't be helped."

"But this one can be. I'm sure of it," Debbie said.

"What makes you so sure?" Ben asked.

"I talked to the kid when we picked him up. He needs some support and caring," Debbie said. "He obviously didn't want to run away or he would have just kept going."

"And he's gay," Emmett added. "What better place for him to be than here with me and Pittsburgh's ultimate fag hag." He stood up and gave Deb a large smooch on the cheek. She beamed at him.

"Are you sure they'll let the kid come here?" Melanie asked. "Look at all the trouble Michael and Ben had getting Hunter."

"We still have to work that out, but I don't see why I can't foster this kid. That way I will have some financial support if he comes here."

"Don't you have to apply to do that?" Lindsay asked.

"Yes, she does," Melanie said. "And not everybody gets accepted."

"We know that and we don't have much time before Jason has to go to the other home, the one he's running away from," Debbie said.

"If I could get in touch with the asshole who runs Safe Haven," Emmett said, "Maybe we could get his support and it would expedite things."

"Who is that?" Melanie asked.

"Some fucking asshole named Andrew Patrick," Emmett said. Justin glanced at Brian who shrugged slightly.

"Why is he an asshole?" Lindsay asked.

"I've been trying to speak to him for days and he won't agree to meet me," Emmett said.

"Why not?" Lindsay asked.

"Fuck if I know!" Emmett said vehemently. "If we could get his support we might be able to help Jason. The ironic part of this whole thing is that Andrew Patrick is gay too, and Jason has one humongous crush on the man."

Justin felt Brian grab his hand and squeeze to keep him from saying anything or asking any questions. He didn't need to, because Hunter did it for him.

"If this guy's such a jerk, why does Jason have a crush on him?" Hunter asked.

"Don't know," Emmett said. "Never seen the man. Don't know anything about him. Everybody at Safe Haven seems to love him, but he's a big mystery to us lowly volunteers. I don't know how he can say he cares about the children when he won't meet with me to discuss the welfare of one of those children."

"And you've tried to contact him?" Melanie asked.

"I've asked for a meeting. Nobody will give me a phone number or an address to contact him myself," Emmett explained.

"I could look into this guy for you," Melanie offered.

Justin felt Brian shudder and wanted to take the man in his arms and protect him. He felt Brian's fingers squeeze his and he kept silent.

"That would be great, Mel," Emmett said. "The guy's got to be some kind of total jerk.

"Sounds like an asshole of the nth degree," Ted agreed.

"Time to go, Sunshine," Brian said standing up.

"You haven't eaten anything," Debbie said.

"I have a project due and Brian has work to do at home," Justin explained as he followed Brian to the door.

"I want your support too," Debbie reminded them.

As Brian opened the door, he and Justin both heard Melanie say, "There goes one asshole. I'll look into the other one for you, Emmett."

Brian tried to slam the door behind him, but Justin was there to grab it and shut it more gently.

"I'm sorry, Brian," Justin said putting his hand on Brian's shoulder. "They don't know who Andrew Patrick is."

"But they know who I am, and you see what they think of me," Brian said with a shrug.

"You could change all that by telling them who Andrew Patrick really is."

"I don't give a fuck what they think, and I'm not telling them anything."

Justin sighed. He knew that deep down Brian did care what they thought of him. He wondered how people who came to him time and time again for help could think so little of him. He followed Brian to the car.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Brian put his hand on the doorknob at Safe Haven. He was scheduled to meet with Emmett Honeycutt. He had finally agreed to the meeting for Jason's sake. He felt that Emmett might be able to get through to the boy, even though he didn't know what having Jason living at Debbie's would do to his own secret identity. In the long run Jason's welfare was more important than his secret.

He seriously wanted to blow off this meeting though, and hightail it back to work. He knew, however, that that wasn't an option as he turned the handle and opened the door. He wondered what the next few minutes would hold for him … and Emmett.

No one was in the foyer except Emmett Honeycutt. He sat in a chair flipping through a magazine, obviously waiting … for him. Brian groaned noting that it was now too late to duck back outside, as Emmett had turned to see who had opened the door.

"Brian!" he reacted to the unexpected apparition that stood before him. He stood up.

"Emmett," Brian replied not knowing what else to say.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Brian was tempted to make up a lie. Before he could open his mouth Emmett asked, "Are you doing some kind of ad campaign for this place?"

It would have been simple to say yes, but Brian had decided to take this meeting with his friend. He needed to talk to Emmett about Jason. The boy had chosen for whatever reason to confide in the party planner.

"No," Brian said. "I'm here about Jason."

"You are? I'm waiting to talk to someone about Jason too," Emmett said and then frowned. "How do you know Jason?"

"It's a long story. Is he still here?"

"Yeah, he's up in his room. I'm going to speak to him after I finally get to see this asshole Andrew Patrick."

Brian shook his head. He didn't know how to reveal his news to Emmett. He dreaded that moment, but he knew he needed to do it for Jason. They had to help the boy … together.

Jason had always kept to himself. He didn't make friends easily. Brian suspected that he had been the boy's only friend and confidant since he had arrived at Safe Haven. Lately though they never talked. Now Jason had chosen to confide in Emmett. Brian thought back to when he had begun to realize that Jason was gay, and that the boy was growing far too attached to him. He had backed away. He had hoped that space and time would allow the boy to forget him, but he realized now that it had only isolated the boy. He had handled everything very badly.

"Brian … Brian…" Emmett was saying.

"What?"

"You seem really distracted. You never said how you came to know Jason."

"I … I've been coming to Safe Haven for a long time," Brian admitted.

Emmett's eyebrows went way up. Brian realized that that admission would seem very out of character to his friend. "How long?" Emmett asked.

"Since it began."

"Brian … is there something you're not saying?" Emmett was looking at him in a very strange manner. Brian thought the man must be thinking he had run into an evil twin, no make that a good twin, of the real Brian Kinney.

"I'm Andrew," Brian said simply.

"What? What did you say? That's a joke, right?"

"You heard me. I'm Andrew Patrick."

"But … but how? How is that possible?"

"I need you to keep this to yourself, Emmett. No one is to know." Emmett nodded. Brian hoped Justin was right and Emmett could keep a secret. "Come into Blanche's office and I'll explain."

Emmett followed Brian into the office, after he had picked his chin up off the floor. "Brian, I don't get this. What's going on?"

The two men sat down. Brian drew in a long breath knowing that he was going to hate every minute of this. "I started Safe Haven a couple of years after I began working at Ryder. I had help doing it, mostly financial, but I have been the one seeing that it survives ever since its inception."

"And no one knows?" Emmett asked trying to keep his mouth closed. It wanted to continually drop to the floor in amazement.

"Justin knows," Brian said.

"I see. He never said anything when I brought him here to draw with Joey."

"He didn't know at that point," Brian admitted. "He's too damn good at piecing things together." The gruffness in his voice didn't hide the affection Emmett heard there too.

"So I kind of spilled the beans by bringing him here?" Emmett asked.

"You had your role in it, and you are fucking keeping this between the two of us. Do I make myself clear?"

"Um … certainly, Mr. Kinney, sir. Or should I call you Mr. Patrick, sir?"

"Don't call me anything. Forget that you ever heard about this."

"I'm not sure I can keep secrets the way you can."

"Learn! Fast!" Brian ordered.

Emmett could see that Brian was deadly serious. He would have to file this information away and never bring it out again. Fuck! He loved a good piece of gossip and this was just about the best he'd ever heard. And nobody could ever know. He sighed loudly.

"Too bad you won't get your moment of glory on the gossip grapevine," Brian said with a smirk as if he had read Emmett's mind.

"It's more important that we help Jason," Emmett said thoughtfully.

"You're right," Brian agreed. He'd willingly give up his secret identity if he could have Jason safe, and able to get on with his life. "He told me that he had a talk with you, that he told you he was gay."

"He did," Emmett said thinking back to that conversation. "He was quite upset, cried on my shoulder."

"What did he tell you?"

"That he loved … you, or rather that he was in love with you."

"I've known that for a while. I've tried to distance myself from him ever since I clued in," Brian said shaking his head.

"It didn't work," Emmett said bluntly.

"I fucking know that! Did he say anything else, anything that might be helpful?"

"I can't think of anything," Emmett said trying to remember. "I told him he could always talk to me about … things. But he wanted you. I gave him my phone number that day. I guess that's why he called me when he ran away. He has it bad for you, and then his imminent banishment to Red Wheel just compounded matters."

"I know. I should have acted sooner, but I was dreading my talk with him. And my worst fears were realized."

"I wanted to talk to … Andrew, and warn him … you," Emmett said getting confused about the whole double persona.

"What would you have told me? Anything that could have prevented this?" Brian asked.

"Probably not, but I had to try."

"I … I appreciate that you care. Jason was one of the first group of kids who came to Safe Haven. The rest have all left, most of them successfully. He's the first gay one and he's the first runner. I wish there was something more we could do for him."

"Well, we need to figure something out. Debbie and I used every argument we could think of to get him to come back here."

"What do you think about her idea of taking Jason in, fostering him?"

"I like it. We'd both be there to work with the boy and help him."

"Yeah," Brian agreed.

"He needs a stable environment when he leaves here … and people who care about him," Emmett added. He stared at Brian still trying to comprehend the news that Brian had just laid on him. "It seems to me that another fourteen year old came to the Novotny home for help … a long time ago."

Brian smiled. "You think Deb can pull off another miracle? Although, most of my friends seem to think it turned out to be more of a disaster than a miracle. Seems like they would have been just as happy if she had let that kid perish."

Emmett started at Brian's choice of the word "perish". He knew things had been bad, but that bad? He also felt slightly ashamed about the way the family had treated Brian at Debbie's dinner the other night. "So what do you want to do?" Emmett asked.

"Let's go talk to Jason and then we can make some decisions."

 

Together they walked out of the office united in their wish to help the boy.

Standing in the Light

Chapter 6

Brian and Emmett knocked on Jason's door. The boy did not answer. They tried again with the same result.

"Do you think he's run away?" Emmett asked worried.

Brian tried the knob and the door opened. Jason lay on his bed staring at the ceiling.

"Emmett!" Jason said ignoring the fact that Brian had opened the door and had been the first to enter the room.

Brian thought he had detected a brief glimmer of hurt in the boy's face, but then a wall had gone up and he had chosen to speak to Emmett. Brian understood those walls all too well. Jason was protecting himself, pushing Brian away before Brian could do the same to him.

"So how's it going?" Emmett asked.

Brian tried not to make a face at Emmett's pathetic attempt at conversation with the boy.

"I'm all right. I'm glad to see you," Jason said with a tiny smile and a glance at Brian to see his reaction. "What's he doing here?" Jason asked Emmett and nodding towards Brian.

"Bri … um, Andrew came with me to talk to you. We have a proposal for you."

"If it involves him," Jason said his voice full of venom, "I don't want any fucking part of it."

Brian knew that Jason was lashing out, taking his hurt out on him. But it didn't stop it from hurting anyway. "Emmett will explain what could happen, and it has little to do with me," Brian said.

"Then why don't you get lost?" Jason said refusing to even look at Brian any longer.

"Emmett," Brian said, "you talk to Jason. I'll be downstairs when you're through."

"Um … sure," Emmett agreed.

Brian looked over at Jason who refused to make eye contact with him. He felt badly that he couldn't make things better between them, but this seemed to be Jason's way of coping with his unrequited feelings. Brian knew that feelings were very powerful things. It had taken him years of practice to perfect the impression that he didn't have any. He hoped Jason wasn't headed down the same road, but that looked like what might be happening. He quietly closed the door behind him.

He waited for a moment until he heard their muffled voices through the door. Jason was at least talking, even if it wasn't to him. He was glad of that. The boy needed someone. He sincerely hoped that Emmett could convince the boy to go to Debbie's. He remembered that Emmett had made the comparison with another fourteen year old who had found refuge at Debbie's. That was such a long time ago, he thought, as he made his way down the stairs.

Emmett had asked Jason how he was and had gotten a sullen answer to the effect of what difference did it make. Once Brian was gone Jason was no longer so defiant. It was like he had given up.

"Are you willing to listen to my proposal?" Emmett asked.

"Why bother? I'm going to Red Wheel. Nobody wants me and nobody cares what happens to me, so I don't care about anything anymore either." Jason sat on his bed his arms folded on his chest, staring at the floor.

"What if you had somewhere else to go, not Red Wheel?"

"What do you mean?" Jason asked venturing a brief glance in Emmett's direction.

"Do you remember Debbie that came with me when I picked you up?"

"The freaky woman with the red wig?"

"That's the one. I live in her house."

"Jesus, are you that big a freak too?"

"Some people would say so, but the point is that Debbie is willing to have you come live at her house … with her and me," Emmett added.

"What? Why would she do that?" Jason asked looking up and staring at Emmett.

"Debbie's a great person once you get to know her. You would have your own room. It used to be her son Michael's, and she'll make sure you have good meals and go to school."

"Like that's an incentive to go live there!"

Emmett chuckled. At least one of Jason's reactions was a typical teenage one. "You will have an opportunity to live a normal life in a … semi-normal home. What do you say?"

"Like I could have a normal anything?" Jason reacted. "Do you know how long I've been here? I was in the first group of kids that Andrew brought here after Safe Haven opened. I was the youngest, the smallest. I'm the only one left and nobody wants me."

"Debbie and I do," Emmett said sincerely. "I'm not saying it will be easy, but it's worth a try, don't you think?"

Jason studied Emmett. He wanted to tell him to fuck off. He did not want to get his hopes up because they would eventually be crushed. That had happened several times when he was little. People had come to see about adopting him and it had always fallen through. That was when he learned that no one would ever love him, would ever want him. Except for Andrew. He had banked everything on Andrew and Andrew had abandoned him. He couldn't let these people do it to him again. He couldn't stand it.

"I don't trust you," Jason said bluntly. He would push the limits and see how quickly they turned away and left him, just like all the others.

"Trust is earned," Emmett replied. He knew they were at a critical juncture and he had to choose his words carefully. "I thought you trusted me a bit when you called me the other day."

"I … I…" Jason began. "Well, you were wrong. I don't trust anybody!" He was shouting now.

"Then don't trust. Come and live at Deb's and if you don't like it you can always go to Red Wheel anyway."

Emmett hadn't got mad at his outburst. He hadn't told him to fuck off. He hadn't hit him. Maybe there was something to this offer. "If I agree, I can still go to Red Wheel if I hate it at your place?"

"That's what I said, but I'm offering you this because I didn't think you wanted to go to Red Wheel."

"Are there rules?"

"Of course," Emmett said scrambling inside his head to think what rules there should be.

"Like what?"

"Um … we'd have to sit down with Deb and work those out," Emmett said finally, glad to get himself off the hook before he had to make up a litany of do's and don'ts.

"We? Me too?"

"I don't see why not," Emmett said hoping he wasn't promising something he couldn't deliver.

"Well … maybe we could try it," Jason said slowly. He wondered what he was getting himself into. At least this would get him away from Andrew and this fucking place and Red Wheel and the other snotty little kids.

He thought about Andrew. He had always admired the man, had loved him from the first day he had met him. He wasn't sure when his feelings had become something more, but he would never let anyone hurt him like that again.

"Then it's a deal," Emmett was saying. "All we have to do is work out the details. I'll go see Andrew about doing that right now." He opened the door and disappeared from the room.

Jason understood that Andrew held his life in his hands, and he could crush it and him at any turn. Andrew would be happy to get rid of him though, so he would make Emmett's plan happen. Jason flopped down on the bed and took a deep breath. He was scared but also a little excited. This would almost be like having a family, and he hadn't had one of those for a long time, since he was a very little boy.

Then reality hit. "Don't get your hopes up, stupid," he muttered to himself and buried his face in his pillow.

Emmett made his way downstairs to speak to Brian. He still had difficulty comprehending what Brian had revealed earlier. All the years that he had known Brian he had never suspected that the man was capable of anything like this. He found Brian and Blanche in her office discussing Safe Haven business.

"What did he say?" Brian asked as soon as he saw Emmett.

"He was kind of reluctant, but he agreed to give it a try."

Brian let out a breath. He was glad that Jason was going to Debbie's. It was probably the best place for him, but he knew it complicated his wish to keep his role at Safe Haven a secret. "Then to Debbie's it is," he said. Emmett gave him a look but said nothing.

"I've contacted the Child Welfare people and they could interview Debbie and do a home visit next week," Blanche said.

"That fast?" Emmett asked.

"We want what's best for the children. I asked them to put a rush on it and so did Andrew," Blanche explained. Emmett glanced at Brian again. Blanche noted the unspoken exchange and wondered what was going on. "I just have to tell them to go ahead."

"I should check with Deb first," Emmett said.

"You do that, let Blanche know and we might just get Jason to Debbie's in time for his birthday," Brian said.

"Oh, we can have a party and everything!" Emmett gushed already planning what kind of theme they could use to make a special party for Jason.

Brian groaned. He would be expected to be there. He would have to come up with a good excuse. "So we're all set then," he said.

They both nodded. His fate was sealed.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Brian arrived late to the loft. He had worked on into darkness having used up most of his morning at Safe Haven. Running his own business had its advantages but it also meant that the ultimate responsibility for everything rested with him. If work was going to get completed on schedule sometimes he had to stay and do it.

He unlocked the door and entered the loft. There was no sign of Justin. He wondered where the lad had got to. It was almost ten o'clock, but he was usually home when Brian got there. He shed his clothes and went to stand in the shower. He still had a lot to think about as far as the Jason business was concerned.

As the warm water washed over him and soothed his nerves he thought about all the years that Safe Haven had been in existence. Overall they had been very productive and satisfying years. He wondered why that had had to come to a screeching halt with Emmett and Justin finding out about his involvement in the home. He didn't understand why things couldn't have continued the way they had been.

He shut off the shower, toweled off and threw on some sweats. He went out to the computer desk and was going to try to work some more, but he didn't really want to. He looked at the book shelf behind the computer and pulled out an old binder that was housed there. He fished through one of the drawers in his desk until he found the piece of paper he was looking for. He carried it and the binder over to the sofa and sat down.

He opened the binder at the back and selected one of the extra plastic pockets stored there. He carefully inserted the sheet of paper into the clear plastic. He looked at the drawing of himself and Joey standing side by side facing the world. Joey was a great little kid. He seemed to be doing so well at Safe Haven. The school was pleased with how he had fit in and his reports were good. He had a friend in Cheryl. His kidney seemed to be recovering from where he had been kicked. His cast would come off in a week or so. Why couldn't every child turn out so well?

Brian's mind immediately went back to Jason. He flipped back a few pages and found what he was looking for. It was a letter that Jason had written to him a couple of years ago. It said how much he liked Safe Haven and how he loved Andrew and Blanche. His words had seemed so innocent and pure at that time. And they had been. Now they could be interpreted very differently. Brian was pretty sure that Jason might still love Andrew, but at the moment he also hated him.

Brian flipped through the rest of the book stopping every once in a while to look at something more closely or read the words of a child that he remembered fondly. Once or twice he wiped away a tear as something really struck at the strings of his heart. He wondered why these children from abusive homes had taken time to pay him tribute with their drawings and letters and poems. Maybe it was because they recognized a kindred spirit in him. He shook his head at the injustice of it all.

Just then the loft door was pulled back and Justin came bustling in. He dropped his messenger bag by the door and walked towards Brian who had closed the binder and was trying to stuff it inconspicuously behind a cushion on the sofa. Justin watched sensing that Brian didn't want him to let on that he had seen anything. He did, however, make note of what Brian was stashing away.

"Hey," Brian said turning towards him.

"Hey yourself."

"Where have you been?"

"I went over to Daph's and we had a couple of beers and caught up on things."

"And what might darling Daphne be up to these days?" Brian asked with a smirk.

"She just broke up with the latest boyfriend and is working on getting another one."

"Are you sure she isn't waiting for you?"

"She'll be waiting a long time then," Justin said sliding onto Brian's lap.

Brian chuckled. "One encounter between you two was enough?" he asked tongue in cheek.

"Don't remind me," Justin replied wrinkling his nose in distaste.

Brian kissed his cheek. He was glad Justin was home. It scared him how much he missed his boy when he wasn't there.

"What have you been up to?" Justin asked trying to avoid looking at what Brian had stuffed in the sofa, but catching enough of it to know the color and maybe find it later.

"I was working until almost ten."

"How come?"

"I met with Emmett this morning and I got behind as a result."

"You did? How did that go?"

"It looks like Debbie's going to apply to foster Jason."

"No shit! I'm glad for Jason. She was great with me when I stayed there."

"I don't think Jason's quite so appreciative of the offer. But he says he'll give it a try," Brian explained.

"He'll like Debbie once he gets to know her."

"Yeah," Brian agreed.

"This is going to be a bit messy if Jason goes to Deb's. He knows you as Andrew. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Brian admitted. "I think it's all going to come out even though I don't want it to."

"I think you should just tell them."

"They wouldn't fucking believe me," Brian said shaking his head.

"But Emmett and I would be there to verify."

"Don't you think it's odd that my fucking friends would need verification?"

Justin could hear the hurt in Brian's voice. "You have created a unique dilemma," he whispered against Brian's ear.

"I don't want to think about it anymore."

"Maybe I can help take your mind off it," Justin whispered pulling on Brian's ear lobe with his teeth.

"Unh," Brian reacted. "You can always get my mind and my body on to other things."

"I want your body on mine," Justin said taking Brian's hand and leading him up the steps to the bedroom.

They quickly disposed of their clothing and fell onto the bed. Justin climbed atop Brian and began licking and kissing all over his face and chest. He looked down and noted the reaction he was getting. He nipped at Brian's neck and sucked on his breasts biting softly.

"I thought you wanted me on top of your body," Brian said against Justin's hair.

"This is good," Justin said with a grin. "I'm going to ride you."

"Are you now, my little bull rider?"

"Yee haw," Justin said and slapped at Brian's hip like he would a horse.

"Let's not get carried away, Hopalong," Brian chuckled.

"Who's Hopalong?" Justin asked continuing to buck against Brian's groin.

"Hopalong Cassidy. Your movie and television knowledge is sorely lacking."

"That's because I wasn't around in the Golden Days of TV back in the fifties," Justin said smugly, "unlike one of us."

"You little shit!" Brian reacted flipping Justin onto his back.

"I can't ride you from down here," Justin said with a giggle.

"Then saddle me up and get to work. I'm ready," Brian said falling onto his back and reaching for the lube and condom from the nightstand.

Justin slid the condom slowly down Brian's dick never taking his eyes off Brian's face. He smiled as he lifted up and squirted lube on his fingers. He worked them into his hole opening himself while Brian watched with lust in his eyes.

"I'm ready too," he said his voice husky with desire.

He squirted some more lube smoothing it along Brian's length. Brian held his cock upright as Justin slowly sat down on it, taking it all inside with a whiff of expelled air and a look of sheer pleasure on his face as he adjusted to being filled.

"It will be all right, Brian," Justin said as he began to slowly move up and down Brian's cock. He stared into Brian's eyes as he let the feelings flow through him. He worked the muscles around his hole constricting and releasing. Brian thrust up into each twist and turn and the ride soon had them both gasping in anticipation. The release was strong and long and satisfying. When Justin rolled away they both felt the loss and looked at each other.

"It's always so good with you," Brian admitted.

Justin slid closer and smiled at Brian. "Only one of the many reasons I'm here," he said softly. "I love you."

"I know," Brian replied and then pulled Justin onto his chest, his head under his jaw. He mouthed, "I love you too."

Justin felt the movement against his scalp and smiled. They fell asleep like that.

 

Standing in the Light

Chapter 7

Debbie was accepted as a foster parent and Jason agreed to go live there. The move was made very quickly before Jason's birthday. Once he was moved in Debbie wanted to have a dinner to introduce him to his new family, including all the weird and wonderful extended parts of it. Emmett convinced her to put it off for a week to let the boy settle in. He also suggested that they make it a birthday party for Jason instead of just a dinner.

Invitations, or command performances as some thought of them, were issued to each member of the family. All said they would attend, some under more duress than others to do so. Most were interested to meet Jason, the boy who had affected Debbie and Emmett enough to cause this upheaval in their lives.

Brian agreed to attend. He was pretty sure that Emmett had kept his word and no one else knew about Andrew Patrick. His problem was how to reveal his double identity. He debated telling Jason ahead of time. The boy might appreciate being told first, but he might also see it as part of a deception. He didn't want Jason to think he had manipulated him into going to Debbie's. He hoped Jason would soon learn to like it there.

As for everyone else learning his identity, Brian was even more reluctant. He really did not want them to know. However, it now seemed that it was no longer his decision. With Jason living at Debbie's it was inevitable that it would all come out.

Justin picked out a birthday gift for Jason. Brian liked what Justin had chosen, feeling that it was something a young person would want. He wasn't so sure Debbie would like a boom box with a gift certificate for ten CD's. Somehow he felt that was a bit of divine retribution for her and Emmett's role in all of this.

The morning of the party Brian discovered he had a strange and abiding reluctance to get out of bed. He was sure it was dread on his part. He knew what was to come. Justin tried to jolly him along, but a foul mood and a foul mouth went along with Brian's sudden need to take to his bed. Finally Justin went to Daphne's for the afternoon leaving Brian alone to brood.

He still resented the hell out of having his role at Safe Haven made public to the other members of his family. But what choice did he have? He frittered away the day still trying to decide how to handle everything.

When Justin finally came home, Brian was still in a bad mood. Justin didn't say anything as he went up to the bedroom to start getting ready to go to Debbie's dinner. He took a shower and chose what to wear. When he was done he came down the steps to find Brian still sitting on the couch staring out the window.

"Are you going to get ready?" Justin asked.

"I don't know."

"Are you chickening out?"

"I…"

"They're your friends … family. They'll understand. You don't have to be afraid."

"I'm not afraid!" Brian shot back. But the huge boulder in the pit of his stomach told him that was exactly what he was feeling.

"Then get ready. We need to leave soon."

"Why don't you go on ahead and I'll come later. Take the present with you."

"Don't be silly, Brian. We'll go together. Come on. Go get ready." Justin tried to pull him up from the couch. Brian allowed himself to be dead weight and Justin couldn't budge him. "Brian…?"

"Go, now!" Brian spat out. "Leave me alone."

"Does that mean you're not coming?" There was no answer. "They're going to find out eventually. Why not get it over with?" Justin asked trying another tack.

"I'll think about it," Brian said. "Just go ahead. Take a cab and I'll … come later with the car."

Justin didn't believe that for a minute. "I'll go on ahead if you go take a shower and start to get ready."

"Oh, fuck, all right," Brian grumbled standing up. He just wanted Justin to go.

"What should I tell them?" Justin asked.

"About what?"

"Brian, don't be like this. What should I tell them about why you're not with me?"

"Tell them … something came up," Brian replied using his patented line.

"They all know what that means," Justin said making a face.

"Then tell them I had a work emergency."

"Like you had to do a last minute campaign to save the failing corn flakes market?" Justin asked sarcastically.

"Sounds good to me," Brian said as he disappeared up the steps. Justin heard him slide the bathroom door closed. End of discussion. He heaved a sigh and picked up the phone to call a cab. That done he gathered up Jason's present and then as an afterthought went over to the bookshelves behind Brian's desk. He had a few minutes to wait before the cab would arrive. He saw the color he was looking for and pulled out the binder. He flipped it open and was immediately blown away by what he saw inside. He flipped through several pages before he slid the binder into his messenger bag, picked up Jason's gift and went down to the street to meet the cab.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

A couple of hours later everyone was finishing up their dinner. They were sitting all over Debbie's living room and kitchen, most sipping wine and cleaning up the last bit of their pasta. Hunter and Jason were drinking their cokes and talking about some of the music groups that they liked. Emmett watched Jason sneak continual glances at the pile of presents on the table under the window. It was probably time for him to open them and then they could have the cake and coffee.

Emmett signaled Debbie with a little shake of his head towards the gifts. She noted what he was indicating and opened her mouth to say something. He was shocked at what came out.

"So where is the fucking asshole?" she asked loud enough for everybody to hear. The question was directed at Justin.

"I told you, Deb," Justin said lamely. "He had something to do."

"You'd think one fucking time he could think of somebody other than himself."

"He does," Justin said quietly.

"Yeah, right!" Debbie responded. "Well, fuck him!"

"Who are you talking about?" Jason asked.

"Brian," Hunter told him. "He's totally gorgeous, but not very reliable."

Justin wanted to scream. Even Hunter, who had an unabashed crush on Brian, thought he was an asshole. He groaned inwardly. He so wanted to reveal Brian's role at Safe Haven but he knew he would be in big trouble if he did. He bit his bottom lip and stayed silent. He glanced over at Emmett to see his reaction. Emmett gave him a small sympathetic smile. At least he knew that Brian was more than what the family thought of him at the moment.

"Enough about that asshole," Debbie said. "Jason, honey, come over here." Jason stood up and walked over to Debbie. She grabbed him in one of her massive bear hugs. When she released him she said, "This is the fucked up group we call our family. I hope they haven't scared you too badly." Jason grinned and shook his head. They were a startling group but at least they had welcomed him. "It's time for you to open all these presents," she said gesturing to the pile that awaited him.

Jason moved to the table and sat down on the floor next to it. Michael handed him a present and he began to reveal all the goodies people had brought him. He was blown away by how generous everyone was. They didn't know him at all, and yet they had bought him clothes and CD's and games and a stereo. He could hardly believe his eyes.

As Jason was finishing opening the last present, Emmett felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out, looked at who was calling and frowned. He stepped into the kitchen and answered it. The brief conversation ended with him coming out of the kitchen and announcing that cake and coffee would be coming shortly. He went over to Jason and told him that someone wanted to see him on the front porch. Jason looked confused but he got up and walked to the front door. Everyone watched him go and looked at Emmett for an explanation.

"Brian's outside," he said softly. "He wanted a private word with Jason before he comes in."

"Private word, my ass," Debbie exploded. "What the fuck does he think he's doing? He doesn't show up for dinner or the presents and then calls Jason away when he should be blowing out the fucking candles on his fucking cake." She got up like she was going to go put a stop to their meeting.

"Deb, come help me with the cake. Let them talk for a minute. Please!"

Debbie stared at Emmett and something about his demeanor caused her to relent. She went into the kitchen to get the coffee going. Justin let out a sigh of relief. He could see Jason through the curtains. He could not see Brian, but he knew everything was going to come out now, and he was glad of it.

Jason walked out onto the porch not knowing what he would find. He was stunned to see Andrew standing at the far end of the verandah. "Andrew?" he asked and then smiled. "You came," he said and ran into Brian's arms.

Brian hugged the boy. Maybe for the last time, he thought. "Happy birthday," he said softly.

"Thanks," the boy said releasing Brian and looking into his face. "What are you doing out here? Why didn't you just come in?"

"I wanted to talk to you," Brian said.

"About what?"

Brian still did not know how to explain all this. He glanced around looking for something to talk about. "Is this your new bike?" he asked gesturing towards the shiny bike sitting on the porch."

"Yeah," Jason said with a smile. "Debbie and Emmett gave it to me as a welcoming gift. They're great."

"Yeah, they are," Brian admitted.

"Do you know Debbie?" he asked with a frown. Something wasn't quite right about all this.

"I've known Debbie since I was your age," Brian said.

"Really? Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's kind of complicated."

"What is?"

"Have you met everyone in the family?" Brian asked seeming to change the subject.

"Everyone except some asshole named Brian that they keep talking about."

Brian grimaced a bit. "Jason, I'm Brian."

"What?" Jason asked not sure that he had heard correctly.

"I'm Brian," Brian repeated.

"But … you're Andrew," Jason said in bewilderment.

"I'm Andrew too, but I was Brian long before I was Andrew."

"I don't understand." Jason appeared to be confused and upset. Brian thought he could feel the beginnings of anger too. "What the fuck is this all about?"

"It's hard to explain…"

"If you're Brian…" Jason began like he was piecing things together, "then you are an asshole. Why didn't you tell me?" Jason could feel tears of anger and frustration beginning to well up.

"I'm trying to explain now…" Brian started to say.

"If you're Brian, then you and that Justin…" he didn't finish the statement, just let it hang in the air between them. Somehow that seemed like the ultimate betrayal. "You fucking bastard!" Jason yelled. He turned abruptly, grabbed his bike and ran down the front steps.

"Jason!" Brian called.

"Fuck off!" Jason yelled over his shoulder. He was already on his bike and pedaling away.

"Jason, wait! Let me explain," Brian called after him. The boy merely pedaled harder.

"He's really upset, huh?" Justin asked coming out the front door.

"Was everybody watching?" Brian asked making a face.

"Mostly just Emmett and me, but they all heard the shouting match," Justin explained.

"I need to go after him," Brian said.

"I'll come with you," Justin volunteered.

"No, I need to do this myself. I'll drive around and see if I can find him."

"Do you want me to tell them what this is all about?" Justin asked nodding towards the interested faces that were pressed against the front window.

"Might as well. Save me the trouble," Brian said glaring at the assembled faces.

"Okay, go find Jason, and come back soon," Justin said giving Brian a kiss.

"Thanks. I hope I can reason with the boy. He was pretty pissed with me."

"You can do it," Justin said confidently.

Brian went down the steps to the Corvette and quickly pulled away. He turned the car to follow in the direction that Jason had headed. Justin took a deep breath waiting till the car had disappeared down the street before he went back inside to face the barrage of questions he knew was coming.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Debbie demanded.

"Where did Jason go?" Ted asked.

"Is Jason all right?" Emmett wanted to know.

"Are they coming back?" Hunter asked.

"Is Brian all right?" Michael questioned.

"What's going on, Justin?" Lindsay asked.

"I'll try to answer all your questions," Justin said. "Why don't we sit down? It's a long story."

"Well, fucking get started!" Debbie ordered impatient to find out what happened and what Brian's role was in all this.

"Should we go after Jason?" Emmett asked worried that the boy might have run away again.

"I think Brian will find him," Justin said. "He'll call if he does or if he finds out anything." Emmett nodded.

"How does Brian know this kid?" Melanie asked. "Why did the asshole want to talk to him alone?"

Justin sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. He suddenly understood why Brian had been dreading this moment. "It all started when Emmett volunteered at Safe Haven," Justin said.

"That's where Jason lived, right?" Hunter said.

"That's right," Justin agreed. "Then Emmett, in his inimitable fashion…" Emmett made a little curtsey at that point, along with one of his silly grins. "He asked me to come and do some art with one of the kids there."

"Jason?" Ben asked.

"No, it wasn't Jason, "Justin said. "In fact, today was the first time I ever met Jason. I went to help a little boy named Joey."

"He's a cute little kid," Emmett volunteered. "He had just arrived at Safe Haven. He had a black eye and a broken arm. They were worried about one of his kidneys too."

"Fuck!" Ted said. "I can't understand why people abuse kids?" Emmett nodded in agreement. "I can't believe people can do that kind of thing to their own child," Ted added.

Several others mumble, "Me either."

"So what does Brian fucking Kinney have to do with a home for abused kids?" Melanie demanded. She wanted some answers.

"Would you stop calling him that!" Justin reacted.

"Well, pardon me, but what the fuck is this all about?" she demanded not willing to give Brian an inch.

Emmett could see Justin's anger rising and decided that he needed to step in. "When I started volunteering at Safe Haven," he began, "I kept hearing about this guy named Andrew Patrick who was responsible for the existence of Safe Haven."

"He's the one you wanted to arrange a meeting with, isn't he?" Michael asked.

"That's right. Can you hold your questions for now? If you'll let me talk, all will be revealed," Emmett said with a sigh. Everyone stopped and nodded. "I met Jason the first day I was there and gradually talked to him. I knew he was going to have to leave Safe Haven as soon as he turned fourteen. He was very upset about that."

"He actually liked Safe Haven?" Ted asked.

Emmett nodded. "He had been there for years, and I guess compared to his own home and other places that he might have been sent it was a great place to be. One day he bolted through the house and I knew he was running away. He had been getting in all kinds of trouble. I stopped him and tried to talk to him. He asked me if I was gay."

"Like he wouldn't know," Ted said shaking his head.

"He's young and his gaydar probably hasn't developed fully," Ben said with a grin.

Emmett cleared his throat to get their attention once again. "When I told him I was, he told me that he thought he was too."

"Isn't he kind of young to know that?" Lindsay asked.

"It can happen at any age once puberty starts," Ben said knowledgeably.

"I still don't see what this has to do with that asshole who's gone after Jason," Melanie persisted.

"Jason thinks he's in love with Andrew Patrick," Emmett said ignoring Melanie's harsh words.

"Wouldn't that guy be awfully old for him?" Hunter asked with all the wisdom two years more of experience gave him over Jason.

"Andrew is … older," Emmett said. "He told Jason that. He said he would always love the boy, but that there could never be any more to it than that. He said he was already in a … relationship." Emmett glanced at Justin as he used that word. Justin gave him a little smile in response.

"So Jason ran away when he thought he was being rejected by this Andrew," Debbie explained. "On top of that he had to leave Safe Haven, the only home he's known for years. It's a fucking lot for any kid to deal with."

"Would someone for fuck sake please explain what the hell Brian asshole Kinney has to do with any of this?" Melanie interrupted.

"Brian Kinney is Andrew Patrick," Emmett stated.

Mouths dropped all around, and then there was a sudden intake of air as they all decided to breathe again.

 

Standing in the Light

Chapter 8

Brian turned the corner onto another street. He surveyed the road as far as he could see. There was no sign of Jason. Where could the kid be? Brian had been sure he would catch up to him in the first few minutes after he left Debbie's. He had now patrolled the whole area around Debbie's house and there was no sign of Jason anywhere.

He was starting to get worried. The more time that passed without him finding Jason meant the more distance Jason could be putting between them. If Jason had decided to run there was no telling how far he might get and how much trouble he could end up in.

Brian pulled over to the curb. Sometimes he wondered why the fuck he had ever thought he could manage Safe Haven. It had seemed like a good idea when he had started it, but he should have left it at that. He had no experience running a place like that, although Blanche did the majority of the work and decision making. He had no experience dealing with children and their problems. His only experience came from his own childhood, as an abused child.

"Fuck, Kinney, put that to use. What would you do if you had just run away from Debbie's?" Brian asked himself.

However, he had never run away from Debbie's. He had always run to Debbie's to escape the horrors of his own home. Debbie's was the safe place. Jason would go to a safe place. There was only one place that Jason had felt safe, at least only one that Brian knew about. He put the 'Vette in gear and squealed away from the curb. He knew where he was going now.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Jason stopped his bike and stared up at Safe Haven. He could feel tears right behind his eyes. He wanted to go inside and cry on Blanche's shoulder like he used to do when he was six years old. Everything had been so much simpler then. She could always make it better. Now, he knew she wouldn't be able to help him. In fact she wasn't supposed to help him. He had been kicked out of Safe Haven. No one there had any responsibility for him anymore.

And that included Andrew … or Brian … or whoever the fuck he was! He still couldn't make sense of what Andrew had told him. Only he wasn't Andrew; he was someone named Brian. And Brian had a whole other life and a … partner. That blond guy at the party had said the gift, the stereo, was from him and his partner, Brian.

What did this all mean? He didn't know. He felt like his head and his heart were going to explode. That was why he had run from Andrew … Brian. He had to think, to figure out, what the hell he was going to do.

Jason looked up at Safe Haven, up towards the room in the attic that had been his when he lived there. There was no light on in that room, but it was just barely dusk. Someone else probably had that room now, his room. His eyes dropped down the façade of the building and then something caught his attention.

He stared at the window on the floor below his room. A flickering light had caught his attention. It didn't look like the usual type of light. As he watched, a lick of flame shot up past the window and he was sure in a flash that the curtains had just caught on fire. The window was open a bit and he could clearly see smoke coming out the narrow opening.

Jason dropped his bike and raced across the street. He threw open the door of the building and screamed for Blanche. She appeared immediately from her office. Her mouth opened to ask what he was doing there.

Before she could say anything he screamed, "Fire! Call 911." He then raced up the stairs yelling in each hallway for the children to get out. Many started to scream and cry when they heard him but he tried to be as calm as he could and told them to go downstairs as quickly as they could. He knew Blanche would be down there to tell them where to go.

As he reached the third floor, he heard the alarm go off and children poured out of each room, except for one. Jason knew that was the room of the new kid, Joey. He reached the door and tried to open it. It was locked.

"Joey!" he screamed, "Joey! Let me in."

Suddenly the door opened and a frightened and smoky Joey stood in front of him.

"Joey, run downstairs. Now!" Jason yelled.

"Cheryl," Joey said looking back into the room.

Jason stepped inside and saw the curtains burning and beginning to spread to the bed. In one corner Cheryl sat huddled against the wall too frightened to move.

"I tried to put it out," Joey said, "but it kept getting bigger. Cheryl's afraid. She wouldn't help me."

"Go downstairs," Jason commanded. "I'll get Cheryl."

"Can't leave her," Joey said. "She's afraid. She needs me."

Jason looked at the room. He wanted to try to put out the fire before it got any bigger, but he knew he had to get Cheryl out of there first. He ran over to the girl and pulled her up. She was dead weight. He had seen a fireman on TV throw a person over his shoulder and carry them out of a burning building. That was what he did with Cheryl. She was only six but so heavy for him to carry. He knew it would be up to him to get her out of the building. She was completely immobilized with fear.

"Shut the door, Joey, and follow me," Jason said as he carried the little girl out of the room. Joey did as ordered. Jason thought he could hear fire sirens as he slowly made his way down the stairs. When he reached the lobby, it was empty.

"Run and open the front door for me," Jason said to Joey who responded immediately. Quickly he passed through still carrying Cheryl and found himself surrounded by Blanche and Andrew and other children.

Fire trucks began pulling up and Jason yelled, "It's on the third floor. That room," he told a fireman who then made his way into the building, having noted where Jason was pointing.

Jason looked around seeing the paramedics who had taken Cheryl from him. They were checking her over. She seemed to be whimpering and shaking, but otherwise all right. Andrew … Brian had Joey in his arms and was trying to console the little boy who was crying in fear and guilt. It would come out later that it was a candle that he and Cheryl had been playing with that had started the fire.

Brian looked up to see Jason standing by himself. Brian had been told by Blanche that Jason had run into the building and yelled at her to call 911. Brian had helped Blanche get the children organized outside, making note of all who were out of the building. Jason, Joey and Cheryl had been the last to come out.

Brian had earlier called Emmett when he had first spotted Jason's new bike lying on the sidewalk across the street from Safe Haven. He had wanted Emmett's help in reasoning with the boy. Just as he was about to end the call all hell had broken loose. The fire alarm went off and children began streaming out of the building and then the fire trucks had arrived. Finally Jason had come out carrying Cheryl with Joey trailing behind. Brian had never been so glad to see anyone.

He carried Joey over to Jason who seemed rather lost. Jason was standing under a street lamp looking slightly bewildered. When Brian approached he held out his hand and Jason walked into the one armed embrace. Joey buried his face against Brian's neck and whimpered. Jason held on to Andrew for dear life.

"It's all right, Joey," Jason said holding on to Andrew … Brian and never wanting to let go.

"I'm so proud of you, Jason," Brian said squeezing the boy tight. "You saved Joey and Cheryl."

"Cheryl wouldn't come with me," Joey mumbled against Brian's throat. "She wouldn't help me stop the fire."

"It's over now," Brian said, "thanks to Jason."

Jason looked up at Andrew, who he had to start calling Brian, and smiled. He felt like he was really part of Brian's family now. Somehow it seemed like everything would be all right after this. He had proved something to himself and to Brian and it had resolved some of the conflicting feelings they had been dealing with. Jason basked in Brian's approval. For the first time in a long time Brian held the boy and showed him that he loved him, not in a romantic or sexual way, but in an always kind of way. They held onto each other as the street light came on in the gathering dusk.

"Brian," Justin's voice said out of the gloom.

Brian looked up to see Justin approaching. Emmett was right behind him, followed by the rest of his strange little family. Brian released Jason who ran to Emmett for a hug. Debbie soon had them both engulfed in a giant embrace. Justin replaced Jason hugging Brian and talking softly to Joey who was still very upset about his part in the fire.

Blanche approached with a fireman. "Andrew," she said to Brian and the whole family stared at Brian in wonder as he stood in the illumination of the street lamp. "The chief says that the fire is out. It was contained in Joey's room. It's pretty well a write-off but the rest of the house is fine. There's not even much smoke damage. We caught it quickly thanks to Jason."

All eyes turned towards Jason who looked at the ground not sure what to say or do.

The fire chief spoke up, "Is this the young man who sounded the alarm and got the children out?" Jason nodded shyly. "You did an excellent job, young man. And closing the door to that room kept the fire from spreading."

"Joey shut the door," Jason said.

"You told me to," Joey responded still hanging on Brian's neck.

"I think Jason is a hero," Brian said smiling at the young boy who held on to Emmett for support.

"I think maybe he should be nominated for one of our awards," the fire chief said.

"He's got my vote," Brian agreed. "Are we going to be able to house the kids here tonight?" he asked the man.

"The damage is limited to the one room. We're cleaning up and have fans blowing the smoke out now. You should be able to go back inside in about an hour."

"Thanks, chief," Brian said.

"You were very lucky. That fire could have gotten much bigger. I hate to think what that would have meant." The chief walked over to Jason and shook his hand. He got the boy's name before moving back to supervise the cleanup.

"It's been an eventful day," Justin said reaching up to kiss Brian's cheek.

"That it has, Sunshine. That it has."

"Are you going to have to stay here?" Justin asked.

"I think I should stay until we get the children settled back in. Blanche could use some help."

"I'll stay with you," Justin said.

"Thanks," Brian said. He would be very glad of Justin's company and support.

"Brian," Debbie's voice interrupted. "Emmett and I are going to take Jason back home. He never got to finish his birthday."

"That's a good idea. Can you take everyone else with you too?" Brian asked glancing over at the others who watched curiously seemingly afraid to approach Brian.

"I'll see what I can do," Debbie said as she kissed him on the cheek. "I'm proud of you, kiddo."

Brian looked away. Justin could tell he was a little choked up. "Thanks, Deb," Justin said.

She gave him a kiss too. "Come over when this is all cleaned up," she said.

Neither gave a response. Debbie turned and walked over to Emmett and Jason. They could soon hear her directing them back to the cars to return to her place. Michael and Hunter waved as they walked away. So did Lindsay as she pulled Melanie along with her. Melanie looked pissed. Ted shook his head as he walked away. Justin could see a strange little smile on his face. Soon they were all gone.

"Cheryl," Joey said lifting his head and looking for the little girl.

"Shall we go see how she's doing?" Brian asked. Joey nodded his head vigorously. Still holding the little boy, who wasn't really so little, Brian walked over to the ambulance where they had been looking at Cheryl. "Does she need to go to the hospital?" Brian asked.

"I don't think so," the paramedic said. "She may have inhaled a bit of smoke, but she's more scared than anything else. Doesn't talk much though."

"That's how she is on the best of days," Brian said.

"She talks to me," Joey said emphatically.

"I know, pal," Justin said holding on to the boy's hand.

"Is she all right?" Joey asked.

"She's just fine," Brian said.

"Can I stay with Cheryl?" Joey asked.

Brian looked at the paramedic who smiled and shrugged. Brian set Joey down on the step of the ambulance and he climbed in to hold Cheryl's hand. She smiled gratefully at him.

"They'll be fine, Andrew," Blanche said coming up behind Brian and Justin.

"Aren't you the young man who came to do art with Joey?" Blanche asked taking a closer look at Justin.

"Justin Taylor," he said nodding his head.

"How do you know Andrew?"

"I've known him for a long time," Justin said proudly.

"I need to talk to you about some things, Blanche, after we get all this settled and back to normal," Brian said. Justin's arm around Brian's waist squeezed, knowing what that talk would be about.

Blanche nodded. "The chief says we can start moving the children back in. Can you help me get them settled? They're still kind of scared."

"Let's take them into the playroom and you can have a chat about what happened," Brian suggested.

"Milk and cookies is always good too," Justin added.

"Smart lad," Blanche said looking Justin up and down. Justin could tell she was sizing him up and wondering about what he was doing there with Andrew.

They began calling to the children who were sitting in small groups along the curb down the street from Safe Haven. They all moved inside and Blanche worked her motherly wiles on the assembled group. She explained what had happened and told them how Jason had helped and had done all the right things to prevent the fire from getting any worse. Justin served them milk and cookies. Brian went around speaking to each child and trying to reassure them. Soon they began to make their way up to their rooms, all except Cheryl and Joey.

"I don't have a room anymore," Joey said forlornly standing in front of Brian.

"That's right," Brian said rather harshly. Justin gave him a look. "You, and Cheryl, must never ever play with candles or matches again. Do you understand?"

Joey nodded and Cheryl did likewise. "Where will I sleep?" Joey asked trying not to cry. "Are you going to send me away because I was bad?"

"No, we're not sending you anywhere," Brian stated leaning down to give the boy a hug. "Do you think you could make do with a sleeping bag in Cheryl's room for a few nights?"

Joey looked at Brian with large eyes. "Could I?" he asked. "Cheryl's scared to be alone … and so am I."

"Then I think that's what you should do," Brian said. "Go tell Blanche. She has a sleeping bag for you."

Joey gave Brian a hug and then as an afterthought gave one to Justin too. Cheryl followed suit and they both ran over to Blanche happy to be together and not to be in too much trouble.

"You handled that perfectly, Brian," Justin said leaning against his partner.

"Thanks," Brian said kissing his cheek.

"Are you ready to go back to Debbie's?"

"Do we have to?"

"Let's just get it over with," Justin said wearily.

"I fucking hate this kind of crap!"

"I know," Justin said as they made their way out to the car. He knew all too well how Brian felt about emotions, about having people make a fuss over him, about how their family might have to readjust their view of Brian. It would be embarrassing for him, and he could be extremely upset if they questioned him in a negative way. For all Brian's bravado he basically liked to keep things the way they were. He didn't like surprises or change. Christ, he had fought Justin for years trying to avoid changing his beliefs and bullshit mantras.

The drive back to Debbie's was completed in silence. Neither one of them wanted to think about what awaited them there, and yet that was all either could think about. Brian pulled the car into a spot near Debbie's.

"Ready?" Justin asked.

"No."

"Me either, but let's get it over with."

They got out of the car and walked up the steps. Brian took a deep breath and pushed the door open. All talking ceased and there was that deafening silence that you often read about.

"Brian!" Jason called and ran to give him a hug. That broke the deadlock and everybody started talking at once.

"Should we call you Brian or Andrew? How long have you been doing this? Why didn't you tell us? Trust you to keep something like this a secret. Who would have ever thought? Were you ever going to tell us? Does this mean we have to show you more respect?"

That last question startled Brian and he turned to stare at Melanie who had asked it. "I wouldn't expect one iota of fucking respect from you, Mel, so don't expect any from me," Brian stated. There was no humor in his voice.

"You really are like Rage," Hunter said. "You have a whole secret identity and are out there saving little kids."

"Please," Brian replied. Justin was sure it was meant to sound sarcastic, but it actually sounded like a plea for them to stop. Justin decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Let's sit down," he began. "Is there any birthday cake left? I'm starving."

"Some things never change," Debbie said with a smile and a chuck of Justin's chin. He smiled back knowing she meant more than his appetite. Her opinion of Brian would never change and she wouldn't treat him any differently. He was grateful for that.

"Jason wouldn't let us have any cake until you two got here," Emmett said. "So I'll go bring it out now."

They all sat down in the living room. Nobody started talking or questioning Brian immediately. He looked around at them. He knew he should say something but for once he was at a loss for words. He wished he could think of something appropriately snarky to say.

"Are the kids all right?" Lindsay asked suddenly.

"They're all fine. They were scared but Blanche calmed them down," Brian replied.

"That's good," Lindsay said. "Do they know how the fire started?"

"One of the kids was playing with a candle and it caught the curtains on fire," Justin offered.

"Jason was the hero of the hour," Brian added looking fondly at the boy. Jason blushed and tried to sink into the background. "You'll be in safe hands having him here, Deb."

"I fucking know that. He's a gem," she said smiling at her new adopted son, another of her lost boys, now found.

"We read your book, Brian," Michael said.

"What book?" Brian asked with a frown.

"This one," Lindsay said holding up the binder Justin had brought and had shared with them before they went to the fire at Safe Haven. Brian glowered at Justin. "I particularly liked this letter," Lindsay said reading from a sheet in the binder. "Dear Andrew, I was scared before I came here. Now I know nobody will hurt me. Thank you for Safe Haven. I love you. Angela."

"I remember Angela," Jason said. "She left a couple of years ago."

"She's doing really well in high school. I hope she will go on to college," Brian said softly.

"You keep track of them after they leave Safe Haven?" Melanie asked surprised.

"Of course, I do. Am I just supposed to fucking forget them when they turn fourteen?" Brian looked at Jason as he said that and they both smiled.

"Well, I just can't get my mind around this," Ted admitted.

"Then don't," Brian stated. "I'm still the same asshole you all know … and love." He planted his tongue firmly in his cheek.

"Happy birthday to you," Emmett began singing as he carried Jason's lighted birthday cake into the living room. They all joined him in finishing the song. Jason blew out the candles and Debbie started cutting the cake. Emmett began serving coffee.

"Just coffee for me," Brian said.

"Of course," Melanie said. "No carbs or fat after seven. Some things never change."

"I've heard that a lot today," Brian replied philosophically, even though almost everything had changed for him.

"He'll nibble off my piece anyway," Justin grinned.

"Twat," Brian said with a smile knowing Justin was right.

"So things don't change," Justin said seriously looking at Brian.

"And that's just the way I like it," Brian said looking around the room and hoping they all got the message that he didn't want to be treated any differently than he always was. He wanted them to forget about his role at Safe Haven and just think of him as the old Brian Kinney, or maybe that should be, as the new and improved Brian Andrew Patrick Kinney.

Justin popped a piece of the birthday cake into Brian's mouth and everyone laughed. It was nice to be back to normal.