There were probably words that I could say that would stop Ian from packing up and leaving, yet I sit here looking at the skyline, not saying anything. It wasn’t like I wanted him to walk out of my life. Shit, he was the love of my life. But, for the first time, he asked for something that I wouldn’t give him. He wanted to know how I knew Justin Taylor and why I took off for over a week without contacting anyone. He wasn’t used to me acting like a child, even when he often joked I was one, compared to him. It was sort of a joke to the family, that I ended up in a relationship with a guy twelve years older than me. It wasn’t like with my dad and Justin. I was nineteen and in college when I met the man who rocked my world. Now he wants answers as to what caused me to push him away. Instead of answering, I went on a bender and told him it was none of his business and to pack and leave if he thought it was. I couldn’t stop trying to hurt myself, all because I saw Justin Taylor and he looked through me.

Normally, Ian would wait for me to get over myself and we’d deal with it. Only, I continued to shit on him for the next couple of weeks and he’d finally had enough and told me that either I tell him what the hell was wrong with me or he was going to do what I suggested. My adult response? I got drunk and woke up to Ian packing up everything he owned. I laid there, not saying anything until he took the last thing he owned out of our bedroom. I didn’t want to tell him, because I wasn’t sure anyone could understand my problem. It hurt to see that Justin was happy without me in his life. To be fair, he deserved to be happy after what happened. He’d lost practically everyone. I felt like a selfish piece of shit for the jealousy I felt that his life had ended up better without us while the family that shit all over him fell completely apart. It was poetic justice really. Not that Justin would have wanted that for anyone, no matter what we did to him.

Ian knew from the start that my childhood was a hard subject for me, but he didn’t ask, he just let me tell him what I wanted him to know about it. He seemed to accept that I wasn’t extremely close to anyone in the family other than my dad. He respected my tendency to internalize, but not my actions. Which is what led to me standing here letting him walk away from us. He didn’t understand why meeting one of his friends would have me acting like a total asshole. Of course, he didn’t even know I knew Justin Taylor since no one in my family acted like Justin ever existed. It’s like we wiped him out of anything to do with us. It didn’t matter that I’ve regretted it for the last fifteen years, but I didn’t know how to fix things with Justin without causing more problems with the rest of them.

My dad didn’t do it just to appease Michael but because it hurt him to think he was part of driving Justin away from everyone. In fact, the only person who doesn’t play the game is Grandma Deb. She refused to pretend her Sunshine didn’t exist. She keeps in contact with him and even went on vacation with him to Italy. While we all acted like she did something wrong for not picking a side. Deb never shared her time with Justin with anyone but Carl. She did tell us she didn’t feel we deserved to know anything about his life now after the way we all had acted. She dealt with Michael’s bitching and pretty much ignored it. No one was going to tell her to pretend she didn’t love her Sunshine and she didn’t let anyone say a word about his son in her presence. I just left the room instead of listening to her when she tried to tell me it was time for me to stop acting like Justin doesn’t love me. She didn’t realize that it was the only way I could deal with how much it hurt that he was gone because I told him to get out of my life.

It’s strange how small the world can be. Ian knows Justin. My Justin. It hurt when I saw them talking like old friends, and yet Ian had no clue that Justin and I knew each other. Which meant Justin never talked about me, or my dad, to Ian. He shut us out of his life the way I asked him to, and now it fucking feels like I’m bleeding. Once again I’m going to lose someone I love, and I want to blame Justin as if he did anything other than what I told him I wanted. 

Justin is locked away in a part of my heart and mind that I don’t let anyone into, because I’m not proud of treating him the way I did. I don’t want Ian to know just how ugly my family can be, which is why Ian and I didn’t go to Pittsburgh for visits. It’s why I never talk about my mother, other than telling him she left when I was six and never contacted me again. He knows my father, Ted, and Emmett, because they visit and pretty much helped me through when I hated everyone. I’ve mentioned Michael, but Ian also knows Michael is Jenny’s biological father, and that Michael and I don’t get along after the way he treated me for not helping him marry my dad. 

Ian thinks I’m pushing him away the way my father has done with every man since Justin. He doesn’t realize that with each thing he packs I’m slowly dying because he’s the one who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I just don’t want Ian to see how petty I am, even though I don’t deserve anything from Justin.

Justin had every right to ignore me. I’ve been ignoring him for years, but it was like he finally gave up on me when he walked by me as if I was a stranger on the street. Like Justin and my mother, Ian was going to give up on me. He doesn’t get it, he thinks it’s me trying to push him away, which is the last thing I want, but he doesn’t get what a selfish piece of shit I am for feeling hurt by Justin. It didn’t matter that Justin was doing what I told him to do fifteen years ago. Just that he did it. I didn’t want Ian to leave me, but how do I tell the man I love about the worst day of my life... the day I lost Justin. I chose sides… the wrong side. I was petty, mean, and lied, saying things just to hurt Justin. It’s everything Ian hates about people. Would Ian even want to stay if I told him what I had done to the man who was everything to me at one time, the man who was my second father? Ian didn’t need to know how screwed up I really was. 

“Gus, are you really going to just stare out the window? Do I mean so little to you?” Ian asked, in hopes of getting my head out of my ass.

“I love you. Why can’t that be enough?” I asked.

“Because it can’t be. Not after you treated our relationship like you forgot about it. What happened? I need you to tell me. Because it’s like the minute Justin Taylor ignored you, you acted like nothing mattered anymore. I tried to get Justin to tell me what the hell he was doing, since he’s never treated anyone like that, but he’s being as stubborn as you are. If my friendship with Justin is a problem then I need to know why I’m about to lose a friend and not you. I don’t understand and I want to help you, but you’re pushing me away. I can’t help you if you throw a wall between us.” Ian begs.

“Don’t do that to him. He doesn’t deserve to lose anything more because of me. It’s what my family did to him. He was the most important person in my life, and I hurt him for loving me. He’s only doing what I asked and treating me like a stranger. I can’t blame him since I treated him like he deserved to be abandoned by everyone.” I tell him.

“So you do know him?” Ian asks.

“He was pretty much my second father until I was six,” I tell him.

“Then why did you two act like you didn’t know each other? I’ve known Justin for a few years. I’ll admit, he really only talks about his work and son, but I’ve never seen him just turn and walk away from someone, especially not if he was as close as your saying he was. He’s usually too nice to people.” Ian tells me.

“He and my Dad were… well depending on who you ask, pretty much together for six years. He was pretty much there until we moved to Canada. He was the one who named me when I was born.” I tell him, working my way up telling him the rest.

“What happened? He acts like he wants nothing to do with you.” Ian asks, upset on my behalf.

“I started it by telling him I wanted nothing to do with him. I said things that weren’t true and used it to hurt Justin. He was closer to me than even my dad and was there for everything in my life. I treated him like none of it mattered to me, and you know what Justin did? Justin never let me see that I hurt him. He hugged me good-bye and told me he’d always be there if I needed him. And I returned his offer by telling him I was glad my dad could choose Michael now that he was gone. I never called him again, but he still sent me things from wherever he was. I don’t know why I told him that, other than I was angry that my mom was gone and Justin broke up with my dad again. Michael kept telling me that we could finally be a family like we were supposed to be and that he would make sure Mama couldn’t keep Dad from letting me come and visit. Michael even said if we helped make my dad see that Michael should be the one he asked to marry him, that Jenny and I could come back instead of living in Canada, which both of us hated. So I did what he said and told Justin to get out of my life.” I tell him.

“He sounds like fun,” Ian said sarcastically.

While I was still trying to think of how to explain what happened, I knew I didn’t want to do it alone. I walked over to Ian who looked up at me and held out his hand. 

“I want to understand this, not leave you. Yes, the fact that you love me is enough, but I can’t stand by as you self-destruct.” Ian tells me, leading me to the couch.

“Gonna shrink my head, Doc?” I joke.

“You and Brian really think that’s funny,” Ian tells me, sitting next to me.

“My father wonders if it was too much estrogen in my life that led me to dating a shrink,” I tell him, wanting a couple of minutes before explaining.

“I’m not your therapist, but I told you from the beginning that communication is important. What you did wasn’t acceptable to me.” Ian tells me.

“It hurt to see Justin happy, and that he went on with his life,” I tell him.

“Was he supposed to be miserable?” Ian asks.

“The right answer is no, but my selfish answer is yes. I don’t want him to be happy, because the family sort of fell apart after he left us.” I tell him, wincing at the way it sounded.

“What made you jealous, that he was happy, or that he was happy with his son?” Ian asks.

“I felt like he replaced me, but it’s not like he didn’t have a right to a life of his own. It’s just weird to see some kid looking at Justin the way I once did,” I tell him.

“You told him to get out of your life and he did, but as you said, he still thought about you. What happened when he sent things, did you trash them or keep them?” Ian asked.

“It’s the stuff in my office that I keep in the display cases,” I tell him, feeling even worse about my attitude toward Justin.

“Are you up to explaining the rest?” Ian asks.

“Justin tried one more time to call me, wanting to make sure I was okay. I told him I had a father and didn’t need him pretending to be one. Then I said maybe he should stop living through my dad and Michael and get a kid of his own since we didn’t need him. He didn’t call again since he wanted to respect my boundaries, and instead of making any move to reconnect with him, I did what I’m doing now; letting one of the most important people in my life walk away over something that should have been easy to fix. See, with Justin all I would’ve had to do was reach out and he would have been there.” I tell him.

“All you have to do is let me help you,” Ian tells me.

“Shit, I’m screwed up. So what if Justin went on to have a kid? It’s not like I left any room in my life for him to think I wanted him back after I sent him away. So I got exactly what I asked for, but you didn’t deserve my bullshit and the way I’ve been acting. It’s just, I didn’t want you to know the asshole I could be, and how selfish I felt for hating the kid who got Justin’s love. I know Justin still loves me, no matter what I did to him. He never once made any of us feel like he loved one of us more than others. Justin made sure I got attention when my mothers were fighting over Jenny. He always stuck around when he and my father broke up over and over again.” I tell him.

“What changed for your father and Justin?” Ian asks.

“I know it had something to do with Michael, but what, my dad wouldn’t tell me. I know whatever it was Justin didn’t even try to work it out with my dad. In the past he did, he didn’t care that my dad slept with other people… they had an open relationship in the beginning. But whatever it was with Michael was a...“ I stop, not sure of how to describe it.

“A hard limit for Justin?” Ian asks since he was clueless to the mess that was Michael Novotny.

“I guess. I mean, Justin did his best to be friends with Michael and there were times when Michael caused problems between my Dad and Justin. Which I only know because my mom and Mama would talk about how Michael needed to leave Dad and Justin alone. My dad had a long history with Michael, and he tended to protect Michael from everyone. From what Em told me when it came to anything else or Michael, my dad chose Michael. Even Justin had to put up with it. I really don’t know why Justin put up with it. Not many people would have. I know that I wouldn’t have stuck around. When Michael’s life went to shit my Dad was there for him, and whatever happened caused Justin to break up with my dad. Michael made it sound like my Dad admitted he loved Michael, not Justin. I wanted to believe it since Michael was around more and treated me well at the time, while Justin wasn’t around as much anymore, and after my mom disappeared, so did Justin,” I tell him.

“I get that you missed him, and Michael figured out how to get you on his side. Whatever it was had to be something Justin couldn’t deal with for him to make a final break with your father if he had put up with that and more in the past. How was your relationship with Michael in the past?” Ian asked like he was putting together a puzzle.

“He wasn’t really a big part of my life. He was there, but he never bothered to show up just to see me. He and I really didn’t have any relationship until we moved away. Then he was around and started including me in everything he and Ben did. I saw Justin less and less and started listening to Michael and the way he saw Justin. I don’t know why since Justin never did anything to make me think Michael was right. Michael once told me that it took my dad five years just to tell Justin he loved him, and then added that it was more about him being hurt in the bombing and my dad clinging to Justin in case Michael didn’t survive. He’d say stuff like Justin only used me to keep my dad in his life. I was angry. I mean, I’d lost my mom and Justin wasn’t around to help me through it.” I told him.

“Okay, shrink hat on for a second. Think of how old you were and the fact that you lost your mother, your father lived far away, and the other father you depended on wasn’t as available to you as he once was. Then you have a man who wanted your father. Obviously, Michael used all that to manipulate you. Michael knew whatever it was that caused Justin to break up with your father and likely hoped it would change the friendship into something more now that Justin was out of the way. Michael needed you on his side. He likely knew what I know about you and your father, that both of you tend to hide from feeling things too strongly, by acting like you don’t feel anything at all. The more you love someone, the harder it is for you to tell them. Even knowing that, Michael found a way to make it sound like Brian only said anything to Justin because he was worried about losing Michael. ” Ian told me.

“Add to that, I was six and had just moved to Canada with my mothers and away from everyone I knew. Michael and Ben visited a lot. My father came as much as he could, and I started seeing less of Justin. Michael included me when they did things with my sister, and while we had fun, I was upset that Justin couldn’t come. Justin had moved to New York for his career. Which I understand now but I didn’t at six, so he couldn’t visit the way everyone else could.  I missed him, and Michael was filling in the void. Justin stopped calling after Ben left Michael and I felt like he stopped giving a shit about me. It felt like I was losing everyone and Justin didn’t care. AND, I do tell you I love you.” I tell him.

“I know you do, but it’s not always easy for you,” Ian tells me, leaning in to kiss me.

We stopped when my Dad came barging in the door. He looked worried until he saw me in the living room. “Sorry, I called him telling him you would need him I left today,” Ian whispered.

“What the hell were you doing that had Ian worried about you?” He asks.

“Channeling you. I saw Justin.” I tell him.

My dad is good. In fact, he’s a master at hiding his feelings when it comes to Justin or hearing his name. Only, I’ve always been able to see through it, and this time I saw something I’d never seen before. Like he was keeping something from me. It was in the way his eyes shifted to look away from me instead of right at me.

“I hope you didn’t say anything to upset him.” He tells me.

“I think we all did that summer. But no I didn’t get a chance, he ignored me. So I didn’t have time to shit on him again.” I tell him.

“Gus, he didn’t deserve the way everyone acted, and trust me, it hurts him to do what you asked of him, but he will for as long as you want him to.” He told me, sitting across from me and Ian.

“How would you know? You still act like he doesn’t exist.” I accuse.

My dad didn’t answer, he just picked up his phone to make a call. Confusing both me and Ian, until we heard who he was talking to.

“Justin, can you come over to Gus’s place? I think we need to talk to him about everything.” My dad said, hanging up.

“How would he know where I live?” I ask.

“Because when you wanted to move here, I called him and he picked this place for you.” He tells me.

“Why would he do that?” I ask.

“He loves you, and because I asked him to. I think it’s time for you to know what really happened that summer.” My dad tells me.

“Justin came and everyone treated him like crap. Well, not Grandma Deb, but everyone else acted like he was trespassing on our family. I know, even with everyone telling me it wasn’t my fault, I was still wrong for what I did to him for breaking up with you. I was angry and stupidly listening to Michael tell me that you would be better off with him. I wasn’t mad at Justin, but I took it out on him because I felt like I was losing him. I did what everyone else did, stuck by Michael as he smugly told Justin that you came to your senses and chose him. At the time I thought maybe it was true, that you wanted Michael, especially when you stood there and didn’t deny what he was saying. It’s not like we all didn’t know the minute Ben left Michael that he’d expect you to be there with him and no one else. Mama even started saying she rather it be Michael than Justin and that I should be glad since Michael is the one person you never pushed away. What’s weird is everything was fine when Michael first moved into the house. He even acted like he didn’t mind that you wouldn’t share a bedroom with him. He kept telling me you wanted to do it right with him. Only, when nothing changed and you wanted to spend time with me, I suddenly became the problem.” I tell him, turning to explain it to Ian. “He got angry when my dad wasn’t treating Jenny like she was his too, and including her in the things he wanted to do with me. Then Michael was mad because Dad told him that he needed to start looking for a place to live because they weren’t ever going to be together the way he thought. Michael and I weren’t getting along by then, and he thought I was the reason Dad wasn’t willing down on his knees proposing and offering everything he once offered Justin. Michael got really pissed when Dad told him that he wouldn’t help take Jenny away from Mama.”

“I’m not sure who would have been worse,” Ian said, which I understood since he’d never been a fan of Mama.

“My mistake was going along with it to keep Justin safe from Michael’s continued instability. I wanted Justin to get away from Michael and the shit that I let happen because I stupidly let Michael believe he was more important than anyone else in my life. It’s why I fought him when he tried to get custody of Jenny. Michael was trying to create a happy life we weren’t going to have.” My dad tells me.

“What do you mean keep Justin safe?” Ian asks.

“None of us realized how much Michael hated Justin because he was able to hide it for years. It became more apparent after Ben left and Michael said things about Justin that bothered both me and Emmett. I needed to deal with Michael, and Justin and I were having problems already so I wanted to deal with Michael before dealing with the problems with Justin. Justin agreed after Michael sent him a storyline for Rage. It had JT dying after being bashed again. Then Justin saw a note that said JT was getting what he deserved, although he didn’t tell me about that at the time.” He tells us.

“I’m sorry once again but I’m going to put my shrink hat on. Why the hell didn’t you guys get Michael some help, instead of whatever you did?” Ian asks.

“At the time, we thought we were helping. Justin and I weren’t together, and he didn’t tell me what Michael sent him. Justin was still angry about something else and did what he always does instead of what he should have done. I didn’t help by something I did and it broke us up. Justin needed time because he wasn’t sure how to deal with what I did. So I dealt with it the way I dealt with everything, pain management with Mikey by my side. Michael ranting about Justin was nothing new and I was hurting because Justin couldn’t forgive me for screwing up once again. It’s something I depended on Justin for; to be there even when I didn’t make it easy.” He answers.

“Then you were dealing with me acting like a brat because of mom leaving me, and Mama mad at you for some reason,” I add.

“It was easier than dealing with losing Justin. So I let it be the distraction I needed to not go beg Justin to forgive me. It wasn’t anything new to be hated by Mel.” My dad tells us. 

“Was it always like that between you and Mel?” Ian asked.

“We were okay for a while. Until Mel found out Lindsay cheated with an artist at her gallery.” Dad shrugged.

“Which ended up causing a problem that followed them to Canada. It confused me but then I didn’t see the problem with having another baby, Mel did. I was also five and didn’t understand the difference between Jenny and the new baby that my mother was having. Apparently, Mel couldn't look past the fact the baby was from my mother’s affair, so she issued her conditions, and my mother fell in line and agreed to give up the baby. Michael agreed with Mel, and when Mom started showing Michael made sure Mom was reminded of her stupidity any chance he got. Mel acted like everything Mom did was wrong and she just wilted, barely functioning. I came home one day to find out that Mom had packed up and left without a word. She just left a note saying she couldn’t forgive Mel. There was nothing about me or Jenny. I was angry at her for forgetting me, all over her own stupidity, which is how Michael’s words started to be more believable to me. I hated her, and Michael was more than willing to use it when she left. I was angry at Justin for defending her for leaving me. The way I saw it was- what right did Justin have to say it was okay, other than as an excuse for him leaving me too?” I explain to Ian.

“Justin never left you Sonny Boy. He was trying to get his career off the ground. He wouldn’t accept any help since he’s a stubborn twat like that. He couldn’t afford to visit you, and only occasionally accepted help when it meant he could see you or me.” My dad said, looking proud of Justin.

“Then explain to me why you let what happened with him, happen. You keep saying you did something Justin couldn’t forgive you for but not what it was.” I say, wanting to know what he was avoiding.

“Michael was losing everything; Ben, his shop, the house he and Ben lived in. He started clinging to me. Wanting me to fix everything, and to add to that I was angry at Justin for something he did, it was a bad combination all around. We started going out the way we used to, which was my way of helping him. I honestly didn’t see the harm, when in the past it’s how we dealt with things. We got hammered one night and I ended up giving Michael what he’d wanted since we were fourteen, I slept with him. Justin could handle a lot of bullshit from me, but what happened with Michael was more than he was willing to be okay with. We fought when I told him, even though I had no intention of ever revisiting that mistake again. Only this time, Justin was too angry and felt like I’d finally crossed a line he couldn’t forgive. Once again, I didn’t try to stop him, because I wasn’t sure how to forgive myself for crossing the line.” My dad tells me.

“Which explains why he broke it off with you. But why did he stop visiting me?” I ask.

“Justin wanted to see you but Mel was mad at him for not acting like Lindsay deserved a hairshirt, and for something she felt like was Justin taking sides. Mel let me know that if I let Justin see you, she’d make it impossible for me to see you. I also didn’t want you hurt by something Justin was doing so I agreed with Mel’s decision. Mel wasn’t willing to see reason.” He tells me.

“Mom could have,” I said, not hiding how that hurt.

“Gus, after your mother left, she went to Justin. He called me to tell me Lindsay needed help and I ended up having to hospitalize her. She’s still lost in her own world. I know I had no right to keep this from you but I didn’t want you to see her like that.” He tells me.

“Did the baby die?” I ask, not sure what else I should ask.

“No. He’s actually doing great.” He tells me.

“But mom isn’t?” I ask.

My dad got up without answering me to get the door, and in walked Justin, looking worried. It was strange to see him and my dad staring at each other. They were talking without saying anything, then my dad nodded like he was answering Justin. 

“Hi Gussy,” Justin said, smiling.

“In case you missed it, I grew up.” I joke, then cringe at how it sounded.

“I wish I could have seen it. Hi Ian, small world.” Justin said, sitting with my dad.

“Where is my mom?” I ask, noticing my dad grab Justin’s hand.

“She’s staying at a center near here. In case you're wondering, she’s actually doing better. She actually acknowledged that I’ve aged.” Justin tells me and my dad.

“You didn’t know?” I ask my dad.

“I don’t visit her for a reason,” Dad tells me.

“Why?” I ask.

“When your dad did visit her, she reverted to a world where she thinks she’s Wendy and your dad is Peter Pan. In that world, Mel doesn’t exist, yet baby Gus does. It took days to get her back to the real world after that and Brian didn’t need the guilt over something he did nothing to cause.” Justin tells me.

“She doesn’t have the same problem when she sees you?” I ask.

“She deals differently with me. It’s like I’m eternally the seventeen-year-old she met, until a couple of months ago. When I visit we talk about art and you. She doesn’t really connect me to Brian, just you.” Justin tells me.

“Should I visit her?” I ask.

“As long as you understand that she might get confused. She’s doing better but she might reject that you grew up. The doctor thinks she doesn’t want to deal with the things that happened after you were born.” Justin tells me, looking at my dad questioningly.

“I haven’t told him everything yet,” Dad tells him.

“How long have you two been back together? That’s something you never told me.” I question.

“It was easier not to tell anyone. We needed time to get through a few issues.” Justin tells me.

“How does Justin’s kid figure into this? Were you hiding that too?” I ask Dad, still not liking that it seems like Justin replaced me.

“Gus,” Ian says, making me look at him. “Let them explain and leave the jealousy out of this.”

“His name is Patrick,” Dad says, looking at me.

“Sorry, I’m just thrown and jealous, and Patrick didn’t do anything to deserve me acting like he did something wrong,” I tell Justin.

“Just promise you’ll listen, and understand your right, Patrick didn’t do anything, other than be born. Your dad told you I helped Lindsay when she called me?” Justin asks me.

“Yeah, and you helped her leave us,” I said, trying not to sound pissed about it.

“Gus she was… She wanted to disappear and that scared the shit out of me. I thought she was just scared and depressed, but it was more than that. She hated the baby; hated who she was; and didn’t see the point in anything anymore. Which isn’t the woman I’ve always known.” Justin tells me.

“Why didn’t you call and tell Mel where she was?” I ask.

“You didn’t tell him?” Justin asks my dad.

“I wanted to do it together. If he gets mad he needs to be pissed at me, not you. I’m the one who acted like an asshole, while you did everything to help everyone.” Dad tells Justin.

“I’m just going to rip off the bandaid and hope you understand,” Justin tells me. “Mel kicked her out, Gus. She told Lindsay not to come back until the baby was born and gone, which wasn’t long off at that point. When your mom called me, she started talking about plans to have me display my work at the GLC. I was confused since that event had happened five years earlier. And then she said she would have to bring you and wanted to know if I could help babysit you while she helped get everything hung. I ended up going to get her and bringing her with me to New York. She stayed with me and a couple of weeks later Patrick was born.” Justin stopped at that bomb.

“So not only were you guys hiding that you were together, but you were hiding that I have a BROTHER too?” I ask, getting pissed and wanting to get the hell away from them.

“Actually I came to Pittsburgh that summer to get you since I couldn’t get Mel to agree to let you near Lindsay or Patrick. Your dad and I finally agreed that you shouldn’t be left in the dark about what was going on.” Justin tells me.

“Mel knew?” I ask, wondering what the hell was wrong with my family.

“She knew the baby was born but didn’t want to know anything else from me. She was pissed that I sided with Lindsay on this. After what you said I didn’t want to make it worse for you by introducing you to Patrick and seeing Lindsay.” Justin tells me.

“I wanted my mom, and you were saying it was okay that she left me,” I tell Justin.

“She wasn’t in any condition to be your mother,” Dad tells me.

“What about good old Patrick, is she a good mother to him?” I ask, throwing as much sarcasm as I could out there.

“She doesn’t even acknowledge that he’s hers. She didn’t hold him and she treats him as if he is a stranger to her. Patrick knows she’s his birth mother and also knows she isn’t going to be a mother to him. Patrick doesn’t see her as more than a stranger uninterested in him.” Justin tells me.

“Does he know about me?” I ask.

“Yes. But he also doesn’t want anything to do with you, because of the way you hurt Justin.” My dad tells me.

“What about you?” I ask Dad.

“Justin and I were together by the time he started talking. It took me a while to agree to be a father again.” Dad says, looking at Justin.

“I needed time, not you,” Justin told him.

“So you guys got back together and no one knew about it?” I ask.

“Deb knows, but she understands why we didn’t want to deal with everyone else knowing,” Justin tells me.

“What about Michael? Even though you two stopped talking it’s not like this isn’t going to turn into a drama again.” I remind them.

“How did I not know you and Brian were together?” Ian asks them.

“I guess because we got so used to keeping our personal life private,” Justin tells him.

“Tell the truth. We both knew how Gus felt and I wasn’t willing to let him treat you like shit again.” Dad says, looking at me.

“I regretted it you know, what I said,” I tell Justin.

“No apologies or regrets, Gus. I have always loved you, even when you couldn’t love me.” Justin tells me.

I got up and went to Justin, needing to do something I’d missed since the day I told him I hated him. Justin didn’t even hesitate, he just stood up and put his arms around me, and it felt like I’d finally found the missing part of me.

Thinking back on the day my world crashed around me, it had more to do with the mess I was dealing with and the fact that Brian had been pissed when I told him I was going to adopt Patrick. He didn’t get why I felt like I had to be involved, and in truth, he wasn’t ready to be a father again, at least not to a child he saw as hurting his son. It led to a fight worse than we’d ever had before. 

Brian hadn’t been happy with me for not staying in touch with Gus. It wasn’t because I didn’t love Gus. I felt like shit that I was helping Lindsay, which left Gus struggling to deal with the loss of his mother. She wasn’t in any shape to be a mother to anyone and still isn’t. But at the time Brian was angry about more than just me planning to take on a responsibility that wasn’t mine. He was angry that once again my life wasn’t going the way he thought it should. In Brian’s mind the only reason I should be anywhere that he wasn’t was to become the big fucking success he let me go to be. So when I blindsided him with Patrick, his reaction was pretty much what I knew it would be. The argument got worse because he brought up Michael, which Brian had no way of knowing would push me over the edge. He didn’t know what had been going on. Once again, that was my fault for not wanting to fight with him. 

“What the fuck are you thinking, or are you even thinking?” Brian asked.

“I’m thinking the baby is going to have no one unless someone is willing to step up and be there,” I told him, not really caring about what he thought.

“How is that your fucking problem? Look, I get that we’re both worried about Lindsay, but you’re building your career, which means you don’t need to add this to the list of shit you don’t have time for.” Brian said, completely lost as to why I would even consider this. 

“He has no one, Brian, not one person willing to give him what he needs in life. Lindsay doesn’t even act as if he exists, Sam doesn’t want anything to do with him, and Lindsay’s family isn’t a family I would wish on any child.” I said, trying to get him to understand.

“What do you expect me to do?” Brian asked me.

“I don’t expect you to do anything, it’s something I need to do,” I told him.

“What the fuck do you mean you don’t expect me to do anything?” Brian asked, sounding strange.

“Just because I want to be a father doesn’t mean I expect you to be one. Gus needs you now that Lindsay can’t be there for him, and I don’t want Gus to be hurt, or you to resent Patrick for being in the position he had nothing to do with and will hurt Gus by existing.” I hedged.

“If I want another child and possibly one day could when we decide. But not because you once again let our fucking friends problems become yours. This isn’t something you need right now, not with all the other things on your plate.” Brian said, likely trying to be the voice of reason only to ruin it with the next sentence. “Mikey mentioned you’re ignoring the comic, which should be more important than a baby that really isn’t your problem.” Brian had no clue that was the wrong thing to say since I’d been keeping what Michael sent from him.

“Oh shit, you’re right. Let me just leave a baby out in the cold since it’s interfering with what Mikey wants,” I said as sarcastically as I could.

“Jesus Justin, that’s not what I meant. I’m just trying to get you to see that right now a baby doesn’t fit into your life. You’re just starting out here, and at least Mikey’s trying to make sure you can support yourself. So don’t shit on him because I’m not jumping up and down that you can’t see this isn’t something you should be doing right now.” Brian told me.

“I forgot. Silly me, unless it fits with what Mikey needs and what you think is right for me, then nothing I actually want matters!” I yelled.

“It matters to me, but what you want to do will hurt Gus, you’re right about that. He’s already dealing with Lindsay’s disappearance and the fact that you aren’t around the way you used to be. Don’t add to it by taking on the baby that caused everything in Gus’s life to be turned upside down.” Brian told me.

“Patrick needs someone; Sam’s not interested and Lindsay acts like he doesn’t exist,” I tell him again, trying to get him to understand.

“Then her family can deal with it. It’s not your responsibility,” Brian told me, brushing off what I said earlier. At that moment I didn’t like Brian for his callous attitude about Patrick’s life. It didn’t matter to me that he was thinking of me, just that the baby I loved wasn’t as important to him.

“I don’t see Patrick as my responsibility but as a baby who needs to be loved by someone who won’t treat him like that’s all his is- a responsibility that no one wants,” I told him.

“I can’t support you in this, it wasn’t what we talked about when we talked about you coming here,” Brian told me.

“Then I guess we’ve finally reached the end. I wasn’t asking you to do anything but understand that I want Patrick to know he’s loved,” I told him.

“Justin, that’s not what I meant,”

“It’s what you said,” I told him, hating that phrase.

Brian left and didn’t call me for a few weeks. When he did, he explained that he couldn’t do anything that could hurt Gus, and while he didn’t want to lose me, he couldn’t get attached to the baby that was tearing his son’s life into pieces. We tried, but I couldn’t live a life where Patrick was a forbidden topic. Which led to me pushing Emmett out of my life, as well as Ted. Deb, on the other hand, wasn’t willing to treat Patrick like he wasn’t the treasure he was. She called, angry at me when I told her I didn’t have time for her. Instead, she showed up at my door and demanded an explanation for shutting her out. Which was answered when Patrick wailed at her shouting. Deb walked over, looking down at him, then demanding an explanation. I told her as much as I could without explaining where Lindsay was. She was quiet as I explained what happened with Brian and me. I left out the part about Michael because I hadn’t told Brian.

“Justin, how long have you known Brian?” Deb asked, confusing me.

“Six years, why?” I asked her.

“Because I’m starting to wonder if you bothered to pay attention to him. Brian might not have been happy about what you wanted to do, but it was more because he doesn’t want you running yourself into the ground the way you did when you worked three jobs. A baby is a big responsibility, and something you have to throw your whole life into. Which means less time for the things you came here to do. It would also mean that once again he’s losing you to something else, and while he stood behind you when you agreed to coming here instead of getting married, he wasn’t thrilled but willing to do it so you could have a chance at being the brilliant artist we all know you are.” Deb told me, which though hard to hear made sense when she said it.

“I love both of them, but the idea of Patrick being abandoned, it just twisted my heart since I know what it feels like,” I told her, hoping she’d understand.

“Of course. But you have to understand that with everything going on with Gus, Brian might feel like he’s losing you too. Mel’s pissed at both Brian and you for not siding with her, and again is taking it out on Brian. It’s not right and It’s taking everything Michael can do to get her to let Brian see Gus.” She said, not realizing the shit Michael did to Lindsay. And I couldn’t say anything since I didn’t want to fight with Deb.

Deb didn’t blame Lindsay for not wanting her child, but she was upset that it was hurting Jenny and causing issues with Mel for all of them. I didn’t want Deb to end up in trouble with Mel, and at the time thought it would work out once Lindsay got some help. Deb was willing to come and help when I needed her, and between her and my mother, they managed to keep Patrick a secret from the others. Deb kept trying to get me to make peace with everyone, but my life traveled further and further away from the gang. I no longer knew how to get them to understand my rejection when it was really just about wanting nothing to do with Michael and not wanting to put them in the middle of Mel and Lindsay’s problems.

Brian and I reached a truce when it came to Patrick. I didn’t push him to accept Patrick as a part of our relationship, but eventually it just got to me, the way Brian would look disinterested in anything to do with Patrick’s life. I wanted a break, and when I offered it to Brian, he almost seemed relieved that I offered him an out. What I didn’t know was that Ben and Michael were in the midst of their own issues and broke up when Ben found someone who didn’t treat him like the third in their relationship. Brian devoted his time to helping Michael though Ben leaving him for another man, and I tried not to let it bother me that Brian would rather be out partying with Michael instead of dealing with Lindsay and my problems.

I couldn’t help feeling like it was my fault at first that Brian slept with Michael. And in a way, maybe it was since I told him I wasn’t going to sit around waiting for him to figure out that my loving Patrick didn’t mean I loved him any less. I wish I’d been able to listen to him when he called that night, but all I could see was my nightmare coming true, Brian finally gave Michael his fourteen-year-old dream. And while I knew Brian could separate himself from sex, it just didn’t work when it was Michael. He has feelings for Michael, they’d known each other all their lives. Which wasn’t the same as the nameless, faceless people we had agreed on. We were both still tricking, which wasn’t a problem, it was just none of them were people we’d see again for the rest of our lives. Brian slowed down, but like me, we both needed sex and didn’t have a problem with getting our needs met. 

So when Brian called and seemed upset, saying he had to tell me about a trick, then told me it was Michael, I stopped listening. I didn’t care that Brian was worried about it affecting his friendship with Michael, since he said over and over it was a stupid drunken mistake on his part. I couldn’t get past the fact that Michael finally got what he wanted from Brian, and I knew that he’d make sure I knew it. It was like he was taking the part of Brian from me that he couldn’t have, and I reacted like the jealous idiot that Michael was so famous for being. I hung up on Brian and changed my number. Not willing to see or speak to Brian, because it hurt in a way nothing in my life had hurt me before.

Patrick could sense something was different, possibly because it was harder to smile when I felt like my life was ending. It wasn’t until Mel called that my anger took over. She was angry at me because Michael wanted Jenny to live with him and somehow blamed me because Brian and I broke up, leaving him to help Michael. I didn’t know or care about her problems but I did care about Jenny. I picked up the phone and called Kinnetik, asking to speak to Brian. I expected him to tell me to mind my own business, but instead, he sounded tired and at his wit's end.

“I don’t care what she thinks, I won’t support Michael when he can’t even get his life together. Between dealing with Gus, and Michael’s tantrums...” Brian said, stopping like he wasn’t sure what he could tell me.

“What do you mean Gus?” I asked.

“Michael’s got Gus convinced that he and I should at least try, but shit… you just can’t love someone unless you do,” Brian told me.

“Then explain it to Gus, that you don’t want Michael the way Michael wants you,” I said, trying not to fight with Brian when he sounded like he needed a friend.

“It’s hard for Gus to understand when Michael moved in with us. Gus thinks we live this perfect family life, even though I don’t pretend with them. I can’t do it, there’s only one person I love and it’s never going to be Michael, no matter what Gus thinks right now,” Brian told me.

“You moved him into my house?” I asked, hating the house I had loved when Brian showed it to me.

“What was I supposed to do? Gus couldn’t live with me in the loft, and Deb was done letting Michael stay with her. I offered to let him stay until he got on his feet,” Brian said, trying to explain it.

“Has he?” I asked.

“After this week, I honestly don’t care. I’m tired, Justin. I want to find a way past the shit I did, and figure US out,” Brian said, sounding completely unlike himself.

“I don’t know how to do that, I can’t let Patrick get hurt and I don’t know how not to let it hurt Gus. The only thing I do know is the house isn’t ever going to be my home, now that Michael’s lived in it,” I told him.

“What are you saying, that you can’t forgive me?” Brian asked.

“I’m saying I can’t be the man you were when you forgave me. For some reason, I can’t get past it being Michael.” I told him, wishing I could.

“I’m willing to try with Patrick, and I want Gus to know he has a brother,” Brian told me, making me feel like shit for my feelings.

“Mel doesn’t want Gus near Patrick,” I told him.

“She doesn’t get a say in my time with Gus. She knows she’d lose if I fought her.” Brian told me.

“I’d like to see Gus,” I told him, knowing we needed to help Gus deal with Patrick.

At that point, I didn’t know how far into Gus’s head Michael had sold his idea of them being the perfect, happy family. When I showed up at Deb’s house the only ones happy to see me were Deb and Carl. I didn’t blame Emmett or Ted for the cold shoulders, it wasn’t like I’d done anything to repair the relationships I had with them. What hurt was the look on Michael’s face as Gus stared angrily at me. Brian stood stunned when Gus announced that his father and Michael were now a couple and it made Gus happy to finally get me out of his life.

“Gus!” Deb shouted.

“No. I want him gone, my dad and I are better off with Michael in our lives. I wish you were dead so we wouldn’t have to deal with you. In fact, why don’t you just disappear like you did to my dad every time he didn’t bow down to what you wanted,” Gus said, looking disgusted with me.

“You don’t mean that. Sunshine loves you.” Deb said as Michael stood there smirking.

“Yes, I do. He’s done nothing but take from us and gives nothing in return.” Gus said, sounding like Michael.

“If that’s what you want, then I’ll leave,” I said quietly to Gus.

“Pretend I don’t exist, since I’m planning to do the same thing.” He told me turning and going to Brian and Michael.

Brian couldn’t move or say anything, he just stood there shocked. Michael smiled down at Gus, then looked at me like he was so sorry for everything, when I knew he wasn’t. I ignored Michael and hugged Gus, letting it be enough if he really never wanted to see me again. 

Which only gave Michael the opportunity to pretend for everyone. “You had to know that eventually Brian and I were always supposed to be together. I wish we didn’t have to hurt you, but Gus deserves someone who can love him the way you can’t.”

“Won’t Michael. I don’t use people to get what I want.” I said before walking out of the yard.

I needed to get away from everything and decided to go to Italy. I wanted to start new memories for Patrick and myself. I’d been slowly gaining a career as an artist and was making enough money to do things with my son. For some reason I wanted Deb to show me the places she and Vic went to so when I called she was thrilled to be invited. She didn’t say much other than it was time I tried to forgive Brian for trying to help everyone. She knew Brian didn’t feel the same way Michael did and wanted us to find a way back to each other. She was right, I’d never really been happy without Brian but I didn’t know if I had it in me to try again when we both seemed to fail so often. 

It didn’t matter what Gus said, no matter how much it had hurt me, I made sure he always knew I thought of him. I sent him something when it reminded me of him. Gus continued to ignore me but kept everything I sent him. So I let it be enough for me. 

It wasn’t until Patrick took his first steps, that I didn’t even think, I just sent Brian the video, wanting to share it with him. Brian didn’t respond back, and I let it go. Until three in the morning when Brian was standing at my door looking disheveled.

“He’s walking,” Brian said sounding proud of Patrick.

“He called me Dada too,” I tell Brian, since I missed recording that when I scrambled to get the phone to record him.

“I’m sorry I missed that,” Brian told me, as I let him in.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, when my brain caught up to the fact that Brian was standing there.

“I was seeing Gus, while Michael moved out of the house. Instead of going back, I wanted to see Patrick and you.” He told me.

“How is… I mean how are you?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know.

“Dealing with a lot of shit, but I’m more interested in how you’ve been.” He told me.

“Lindsay’s getting better, she doesn’t talk as much about me as if I was seventeen,” I told him.

“The doctor said she still reverts when I’m brought up,” Brian said, which was true.

“She still acts like Patrick is a stranger. I mean, she’s nice to him, but she gets confused as to why I have him around me.” I tell him, feeling good that I can talk about it.

“Do you think it’s good for Patrick to be around her?” Brian asked.

“I don’t plan to hide who she is from him, but hope when he asks he’ll understand about her,” I told him.

“But until then, why subject Patrick to her?” Brian asked, which told me how far apart we’d been.

“I can’t just leave Patrick somewhere. I’m a single parent. Which means Patrick has to come with me when they call about Lindsay having a bad day.” I told him.

“Is she having them often?” Brian asked.

“About once or twice a month, so I make plans to go see her the next day or so,” I told him.

“Then call me and I’ll come and stay with Patrick,” Brian tells me.

“You don’t even know him,” I argued.

“And I won’t unless you let me,” Brian told me.

“I need to get to bed,” I told him, wanting to think about the generous offer. Brian sighed, getting up as if I told him to leave. “Stay. You look like you need to talk too, but I’m ready to drop and we can talk in the morning while Patrick gets to know you.” I said, leading him to my room.

We both ended up asleep as soon as we got in bed. I woke up surrounded by Brian. And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t want to get up. Patrick made that decision for us, singing in his crib waking Brian up.

“What’s he singing?” Brian asked.

“I don’t have a clue since it’s mostly babble,” I told him, smiling when I heard Dada repeated over and over again.

Brian followed me into Patrick’s room, smiling when the baby peered at him. I really looked at Patrick next to Brian and wondered what Brian saw when he looked at my curly headed, brown-eyed little boy. What I saw was something I’d only seen the first night Brian and I met, Brian in love. Patrick shared the emotion by opening his arms to let Brian pick him up. From that day on Patrick just accepted the love Brian willingly gave him. 

Brian and I talked when Patrick was taking a nap and I wasn’t sure what to make of the whole situation. When I’d last seen Gus he was on team ‘Mikey’.

“Gus is pissed at Michael and Jenny,” Brian said staring out the window.

“Why?” I asked.

“When Michael painted this picture perfect family for Gus and Jenny, he forgot it meant playing father of the year to Gus. Instead, he started getting angry at any time I wanted to spend alone with Gus. He expected me to let Jenny call me Dad, and when I told him I didn’t see any reason for it, he blamed Gus. Which is what he told Jenny. It had her blaming both Gus and me when I told Michael that if he wanted custody of Jenny he needed to get his shit together and find a place to live. He also needed a way to make the comic shop more profitable to support his daughter. Jenny listened to Michael rant about how Gus got more than she did and it was unfair that he supported Gus, but I wouldn’t support Jenny. I explained that the only person I would support is the man I shared my life with, and that wasn’t Michael. It all came to a head when it was time for them to go home for the summer. I told Michael to find a place to live, because the house was going to be sold. Gus was relieved and so was I. Living with Michael…” Brian shook his head like he wished it never happened. “Jenny was upset and told Gus it wasn’t fair that Michael treated him like a son when I wouldn’t do the same for her. Gus exploded and told her that Michael never treated him like you did. Which had me taking Gus out of the house since it was that or kill Michael for telling Gus that you only pretended that you gave a shit to get close to me. When I got back, Michael was throwing Gus’s stuff out of the house and Jenny apologized, looking scared because of what Michael was doing. I took the kids to Deb’s and came back and told Michael to get out and gave him until I got back to be gone from the house.” He told me.

“Do you think he’s really going to go?” I asked.

“Carl called me to let me know he’s making sure Michael is gone before I get back,” Brian told me.

“Did you just say you were going to sell it to get Michael out?” I asked.

“You won’t live there, so yes, and I plan to buy a place here,” Brian told me.

“How would that work? Kinnetik is still in Pittsburgh.” I reminded him.

“It’s also at a point where we can open an office here. Most of my clients are from all over, not just Pittsburgh. I’ve always wanted to live here, you know that.” He told me.

“Then what?” I asked, wishing I knew.

“We work on seeing if we can move forward with each other,” Brian told me.

“Don’t take this as I don’t want us to, but it’s like every time we try, we fail. I can’t do that with Patrick in my life.” I told him.

“You were my first relationship, and like anyone else, we screwed up,” Brian told me.

“Maybe that’s the problem, you never had a relationship before me,” I told him.

“I think we are both old enough to know how to do it better,” Brian told me.

“Or maybe we need to see if it’s just us, or if other people are who we were meant to be with,” I told him.

Here’s part of one of my stupidest ideas. I thought Brian should try other relationships, since I was the only one he ever had, besides friends. Brian rolled his eyes and agreed, and dated some guys that only lasted a few weeks before he came and told me everything wrong with them. They snored, they wanted romance, they thought they had bragging rights since they saw him more than once, and the last one was, they weren’t me. So I stopped being an idiot and stopped denying that no one was him for me either. Which wasn’t to say we didn’t still see other people. Just that we no longer pretended they were relationships, just tricking. I know people didn’t get open relationships, but for us, it worked, because at the end of the day we came home to each other. We closed off our relationship eventually, just because neither of us wanted to do it anymore.

It still left us with the problem of how to deal with Gus. It’s why Brian bought a place, not a big one, but one where Gus could come over without us having to explain it to him. I ended up moving into a house Brian bought with the money from the house we sold. It was ours, and he pretty much stayed with us, to the point he had to hire someone to keep his apartment from looking abandoned. Gus still wanted nothing to do with me, and my life became about raising Patrick, and not wanting to be hurt by Gus if he still rejected me. It’s why, when Ian wanted to introduce me to the guy he’d moved in with I tried to act like seeing Gus wasn’t bleeding me. I had no idea that Ian had even been seeing anyone, and it made sense since I hadn’t really shared my personal life with Ian either. Ian wasn’t a friend I saw often and when Brian joked about Gus falling in love with a shrink, I didn’t connect it.

After Ian introduced us, I walked off as if I didn’t care one way or the other about meeting Ian’s boyfriend. I went and found Patrick and smiled as pictures were taken of us. Leaving Gus standing there looking upset. Ian came after me, angry at the way I treated Gus, but I simply said it was none of his business. I called Brian to tell him what happened, and for a couple of weeks assumed Gus was fine, since Ian had been trying to handle it himself and only called Brian when he was planning to move out.

“Dad said you picked this apartment,” Gus said, breaking me away from my thoughts of the past.

“He called when you planned to come here and wanted to make sure you didn’t live somewhere he didn’t think was safe,” I tell him, willing to talk about anything since Gus was trying.

“I feel like I don’t know anything I thought I knew,” Gus says, looking at Ian lost.

“I can try to clear up some of it, but it was a mess at the time. I couldn’t figure out what to tell you without hurting you.” Brian tells him.

BRIAN

“Before you do, I need to know Gus is okay,” Ian tells us, walking out of the room with Gus.

Seeing that made me happy. Knowing my son found someone like Ian to share his life with. I didn’t balk when Gus showed up at Kinnetik one day to tell me he was in love. Mel hadn’t been thrilled, practically shouting that Gus was too young to know what he wanted. Mel demanded I explain to Gus his priority should only be school and not a relationship that wouldn’t work out in the end. She made sure to remind me that in the end Justin and I didn’t make it either. Then went into a rant about how, if I hadn’t brought Justin into our lives, her life would have been different. I loved how at one time Mel was Justin’s biggest supporter, but the minute he did something she didn’t like, she dumped him the way she dumped Lindsay both times. She wanted me to tell Gus that he couldn’t move anyone in, and if he did, then he wouldn’t get any support from either of us. I told her to go fuck herself if she expected me to put conditions on Gus. 

I called Justin telling him about Mel’s demands. He laughed, saying he was already on Mel’s shitlist and would not only pay for Gus’s college but his apartment, then begging me to let him, since he didn’t doubt I was going to take care of Gus. Gus showed up at my office telling me everything about perfect Ian. I really didn’t need to hear that much about Gus’ love life, and when he finished I told him good luck with Ian and made plans to meet the man my son loved. Mel didn’t get it, because she took what happened to me and Justin as proof that Justin and I hadn’t a clue what love was. We knew, since neither of us could ever love anyone else the way we loved each other.

Unlike her, I met Ian with an open mind and didn’t care about the age difference. What I saw was that Ian treated Gus as an adult. He also wasn’t willing to let Gus give up opportunities for him, but unlike me, he didn’t tell Gus what to do, but let Gus do what he wanted. Gus’ friends were welcome around and when they all wanted to go on a trip to party, Ian invited his sister and did things with her when he wasn’t interested in what Gus’ friends wanted to do. Gus, on the other hand, started to take college more seriously and spent most of his time home with Ian, instead of going out with the friends who were still trying to find themselves. They made sense, the way Justin and I did, so I welcomed Ian into my family. I didn’t know Justin knew Ian, but only because Justin never really talked much about the people he met in New York. When we spent time together it was more about us and Patrick then anyone else. He still didn’t like crowds or being around too many people, so while he had friends, none of them were like he was with Daphne. Daphne became busy with her life, and while they still talked, they weren’t in each other’s pockets, just shared information about their lives.

Gus came back with Ian, looking relaxed and sat next to Justin, as if he was trying to make up for years of loss.

“Ian and I talked about it, and if you don’t feel like telling me, then it’s okay, but I’d like to meet my brother, see my mother, and hope Justin will let me try to make up for the shit I did,” Gus tells us.

“Gus, you don’t have to make up for anything, you didn’t know anything but that you were hurt,” Justin tells him.

“I knew you loved me, but instead I listened to Michael.” He tells Justin. 

God, what a mess my life became, trying to make my son happy, dealing with not knowing if Justin could forgive me, and Michael. The moment Michael started acting like we were going to be in a relationship, I figured out why no one wanted to stay with him long term. Michael was needy in a way that as his friend I never had to deal with. I figured out that I didn’t like Michael much when he clung to me like I had to make every decision in order for him to do even normal things no one puts any real thought into. I didn’t blame Ben for walking when he did, because Michael came close to me kicking his ass out at least five times a day. When Justin left for New York, it was like all Lindsay and Michael could think about was the past. Lindsay’s mind reverted back and Michael never seemed to see our lives changed.

“I’ll start with your mother. When Justin called me, and I showed up to find out what was wrong, I didn’t even recognize her. I felt like it was my fault since I didn’t check on her or you when you moved. I should have ignored Mel, and been there. Mel wanted a chance for you guys to get settled, and I was busy, which isn’t an excuse but it was what I said to myself when I called instead of visiting. Michael and Ben acted like everything was fine and I let it be enough for me. Only, they didn’t tell me Lindsay was pregnant and didn’t tell us that Mel was treating her the way she was. I had no clue that Michael was grooming you, or that Ben was unhappy and finding some else he’d rather be with. When I saw your mother, I knew you didn’t need to see her when she probably wouldn’t even know who you were. Justin and I found a place for her to get help, and I backed off when seeing me caused her more harm than good.” I tell him.

“Is that why you started visiting and Mama was angry at you?” Gus asked.

“I didn’t want you to think you’d lost me too. When Michael wanted to visit I came with him, because I didn’t want you to feel like Jenny got her father and you didn’t. While we were doing that, Ben and Michael started spending more time apart and eventually they just gave up. Michael went from acting like his life with Ben was perfect, to trying to recreate our lives as if Justin and Ben never existed. I wasn’t thinking about anything but the way Justin seemed to treat me like I wasn’t as necessary to him as I felt he was to me. So we partied, drank, and pretty much acted like we were still those twenty-year-old club boys we once were. Ted and Emmett joined in, which only helped Ted fall off the wagon, and Emmett to lose the new relationship he started with the guy from his hometown. Blake ended up leaving when Ted got pissed at Blake for daring to suggest he needed to stop drinking. Michael and I slept together, and to Michael it meant something it never could for me, because the only person I love is Justin.” I tell him.

“Why didn’t you say something when I said all those horrible things to Justin?” He asks me.

I closed my eyes because this was the hardest part for me. I had knocked Michael on his ass for the same thing, but would never lay a hand on my child. “You said you wished Justin was dead,” I tell him.

“Shit, I didn’t even think about that,” Justin said, pulling me to him.

“I don’t understand,” Gus tells us, which he wouldn’t, he was too young to know about Justin and there was never a reason to tell him.

“Justin almost died and I saw it happen. You said what you did, not knowing that I still have flashbacks to that night.” I tell him.

“A classmate tried to kill me, no matter what he says. Your father made my night by showing up for my prom and it ended with a bat swinging at my head. I don’t remember much else but your father was there trying to keep me from bleeding to death.” Justin tells him.

“Good God, did the guy end up getting caught?” Ian asked looking horrified.

“Yeah, but in the end, he got off with simple assault. I went on with my life and he ended up at a dead end job when his family’s business folded.” Justin tells him.

“So when you said it, I froze, remembering the nightmare we lived through and how you couldn’t understand how close Justin came to what you said.” I tell him.

I moved on because I didn’t want to talk about how angry I was at Gus, something that reminded me of Jack. “Deb was ready to kill Michael, and Carl was ready to leave if Michael didn’t get out of the house, so I offered to let him stay and get his shit together. It wasn’t any attempt or want to be anything but the friends he agreed to be after what had happened that one night. Justin was still not talking to me, and I knew I needed time to figure out if either of us should keep trying. I wasn’t sure if I could love Patrick the way he deserved, and I couldn’t be with Justin if I didn’t. I left it alone when you sided with Michael but after the summer and the way he started treating you, I knew it was time for him to stop living in his fantasy world and  face reality.  After I dropped you off I went to see Justin, because I needed to know. He was still the only person I love, even when he didn’t trust me yet. The rest we figured out because neither of us found what we wanted with anyone but each other.” I tell him.

“What’s Patrick like?” Gus asks.

“He’s stubborn and willing to fight for what he believes in. He’s honest to the point it gets painful for anyone who doesn’t want to hear it. He’s willing to meet you, but won’t hold back on what he thinks about the way you treated Justin. He thinks you have every right to be angry at both of us  that you weren’t told the truth about Lindsay. He calls her Lindsay and won’t call her his mother, because he doesn’t see her that way.” I tell him.

“How does he see her?” Gus asks.

“As a lonely woman lost in her past.” Justin tells him.

“It doesn’t bother him?” Ian asks.

“He said she’s never been the woman I described to him, so he just didn’t feel the kind of link to her like Gus would. Plus, we’ve always been honest about what happened and why she did what was best when she let me adopt him.” Justin tells him.

“How did that work? She wouldn’t have been in any state to make that kind of decision.” Ian tells us.

“She wasn’t, but her family didn’t want the responsibility for anything so when I told them I wanted to adopt Patrick, they signed off immediately.” Justin tells him.

“What about Mama?” Gus asked.

“She wanted nothing to do with it and signed Lindsay’s POA over to them. Ron showed up, helped me adopt Patrick and then established Power of Attorney over Lindsay to me since Brian and I were willing to pay for the long term treatment. I also agreed they would be left alone.” Justin tells Gus.

“It’s hard not to be upset at both of you for lying about what happened to her, but I don’t know if telling me the truth would have been better either.” Gus tells us.

“Can I talk to her doctors? I’d rather know what Gus would be dealing with before he sees her.” Ian asks us.

“I’ll let them know they can speak to you. But Gus, please don’t let how she acts upset you.” Justin agrees.

“Okay. Even though I doubt I can promise you it won’t hurt me.” Gus tells him.

“What happened with Michael?” Ian asks.

“He started dating, trying to make me jealous, then an old boyfriend showed back up and Michael married him. He pretty much doesn’t talk to any of us, other than to remind us that he’s the only one happy.” Brian tells him.

“You think he’s only doing it to rub it in your face, kind of like, ‘look at what you could have had’?” Ian asks.

“I don’t care. He’s David’s problem, not mine.” I tell him.

“If he finds out about you and Justin do you think he would cause problems?” Gus asks.

“I’m sure he’d try, but he’s not part of my life enough to matter.” I tell Gus.

“Has he ever sent you anything else?” Ian asks.

“No, he got what he wanted.” Justin tells him.

“You and Brian apart, but that’s not true.” Ian tells him.

“For longer than we all knew.” Gus tells us.

“It won’t matter since I’ll be living here with Justin and plan to move Kinnetik here since Ted and Cynthia are tired of traveling back and forth.” I tell them.

“How did you keep it from them, and Emmett?” Gus asks.

“They know not to ask me anything because I won’t answer unless I want to answer.” I tell him.

“I miss Emmett.” Justin tells me.

“Then call him and tell him it’s time to talk. We aren’t going to keep acting like we’re doing anything wrong. Plus, I want to finally get married, and Emmett deserves to plan it since he almost ended up in China for our last wedding.” I joke, but I knew Emmett needed a change before he ended up a lonely old man with fifty cats.

Gus laid next to me staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep but he wasn’t running out to drink or party, so it finally felt like we were getting back on track. He’s my whole world, even though I spent the first year after we met when he was nineteen trying to convince him that I wasn’t going to be the love of his life. I really couldn’t figure out why some nineteen-year-old kid would be interested in a thirty-one year old man. We were at different points in life; I was no longer into the club scene, or the idea of partying till dawn. Only, Gus was persistent, and in truth extremely hard to resist. He kept showing up and eventually I gave in, and fell in love with the heart, not the face. My friends all warned me that eventually Gus would want someone younger. They even pointed out that Gus was going out without me, with younger guys. I reminded them it was my fault he was because I thought he should go out and make sure I was what he wanted. I didn't gloat when three years later we were still together. Which was something none of them could claim since they’d been in and out of relationships during that time with people our age. 

The thing was they all noticed was that Gus really didn’t drink or really bother to go out as much as his friends did. Which was why the last few weeks left me confused. It wasn’t the Gus I’d been in love with the last three years. 

Sitting there listening to Brian and Justin, I could see the strain on Gus. He was discovering that most of the people in his life had lied to him. I could understand how Brian and Justin thought they were protecting Gus, but he wasn’t a child and deserved the truth a long time ago. So I wasn’t thrilled with them, but knew they really believed they were doing the right thing. Because of that I couldn't fault them, but with Mel, it was different in my eyes. She wanted Gus to hate Lindsey for leaving. Not for leaving him, but for leaving Mel. She loves Gus, but her love comes with the condition that he is solely loyal to her. It's why she doesn't care much for me or Brian, we love Gus only wanting his love in return. 

“I’m trying to wrap my head around everything. It’s like everything I thought I knew wasn’t exactly how I thought it was. Why did Mel make it sound like my mother abandoned me?” Gus mumbled against my chest. I knew one thing if nothing else, Gus wasn’t going to listen to Mel, now that he didn’t call her Mama.

“Since she’s not a fan of me, any more than I am of her, my opinion would be biased.” I told him.

“Biased or not I want to hear it, because you never expect me to do anything other than hear a second point of view.” Gus whispered. 

“I want you to deal with this the way you want to, not based off anything I say.” I tell him, waiting for his nod. “My observations, and my opinion doesn’t mean you have to agree.” I tell him.

“I know you thinks she’s interfering.” Gus said, waiting.

“That’s normal for any parent. What isn't is how she expects, almost demands, you and Jenny to live the way she tells you. If she doesn’t agree with you, then she withdraws all her support unless you fall in line with her wants. When you don’t, she refuses to acknowledge anything that proves you disobeyed her and she was wrong. Which, hearing what happened with your mother, shows you an example of what I’m talking about. Mel didn’t want her to have Patrick and when Lindsay couldn’t give her what she wanted she threw your mother out of her life and took everything away from her. She made sure you saw it the way that made her the better mother, and then acted like Lindsay didn’t exist anymore for you or Jenny. I just don’t get why she moved you away before doing it.” I tell him.

“If they’d stayed in Pittsburgh Mel couldn’t have gotten away with doing what she did to my mom. My Dad visited a lot and he would have gotten my mother out of there and made sure she got help. By moving, no one but Jenny and I saw what it was doing, and neither of us was old enough to understand what was going on, much less say anything. Michael and Ben would, but at that point, Ben seemed like he just didn’t want to be involved in their problems, since apparently he was already having his own. She found an ally in Michael, who never liked my mother.” Gus told me.

“Why? I thought they were all friends?” I asked.

“My dad considered my mom and Michael his best friends. Mom was normally nice to Michael but he really didn’t like her because he wasn’t included in my mom’s friendship with my dad. Dad said Michael hated when the conversation revolved around things only my mom knew about since she was there for it and Michael wasn’t. My parents met when they were in college, and Michael was left behind since he didn’t go any further than high school.” Gus told me.

“It’s sounds like he was just jealous of anyone or anything that could take your dad away from him.” I told him.

“I think it was more that if he couldn’t use you to get something from my dad he didn’t have any use for you. Once that happened you got to see the real person he is. He saw me as a way to keep my dad from walking away, but when I couldn’t get my dad to agree to anything he wanted, he treated me like the enemy.” Gus tells me.

“Do you think your dad and Justin have anything to worry about if he finds out about them?” I ask.

“I doubt it. Michael wouldn’t want it to look like his life wasn’t going the way he wants everyone to think it does. When my dad finally put his foot down, Michael twisted it around to him being tired of putting up with my dad. He made it seem like my dad was the bad guy. At first, Emmett and Ted acted like they believed Michael. Deb and Carl didn’t, but they knew the truth.” Gus said.

“Why didn’t they say anything?” I ask.

“I don’t know for sure, but if Ted is right, it was SOP for them. My dad might not have cared what any of them thought anymore.” Gus shrugged.

“He included Emmett when he said he wanted to marry Justin.” I tell him.

“I wonder why they never did get married, it’s not like they would have had to tell anyone.” Gus said, starting to fall asleep.

“I don’t think your dad could do it until he was honest with you.” I tell him.

“Like he was when he knew where my mom was all this time? Or the fact that he was playing house with Justin without telling me?” Gus asks, waking back up.

“He thought he was protecting you in both cases. Before you say anything, it was wrong, but he was in a no-win situation. He couldn’t hurt you but he couldn’t be without Justin either. So he lived two different lives to keep both you and Justin in his. How would you have reacted if he told you about Justin?” I ask.

“I don’t know. But if it was what he wanted, I want to say I would have been an adult and respected his decision. But my actions in the last couple of weeks said I wouldn’t have been.” Gus admitted.

“How would you have reacted to Patrick and your mother?” I ask.

“I would have hated him for knowing where she was.” Gus says, avoiding the real question.

“And Patrick?” I ask.

“Does it make me an asshole to say I would have wished he wasn’t around?” Gus responds, phrasing it like a question.

“No. It makes you human. But you need to get it through your head that Patrick didn’t choose to be born.” I tell him.

“It’s what I might have thought before, but now I just wonder how he deals with being invisible to my mom.” Gus says, chewing on his lip.

“He doesn’t have anything to compare it to, the way you do. At one time, you had her, and for you the loss was felt. All he knows is a woman who lives in a past he wasn’t a part of.” I tell him.

“Do you like him?” Gus asks.

“From what I’ve seen, he’s turned out to be a good kid, but I don’t really know him that well.” I tell him.

“I don’t know how to feel about her or anyone else who knew.” Gus admits.

“They were wrong to not tell you all this time, but in the end I think they thought it would hurt you less.” I tell him.

“Maybe they were right, because the idea that she wouldn’t know me does hurt. I still don’t know how to feel about what she did. I mean, I understand she wasn’t in any shape to be my mother, but I still deserved the right to know she didn’t just one day decide I wasn’t what she wanted.” He tells me.

“When you think about it, she didn’t forget you were in her life. Instead, her mind is stuck in a place where you never grew up. It sounds like she stayed in a time when things weren’t bad for her.” I tell him.

“I know that some time after I was born Mel cheated on her and they eventually got back together, then Mel had Jenny and they split up during that time. That’s when Mom got pregnant with Patrick.” Gus tells me.

“They probably should have ended the relationship the first time they broke up. Most couples don’t come back from cheating.” I tell him.

“My dad got them back together by signing his rights to me over to Mel. Michael told me my mom was planning to marry a guy who needed a green card. Apparently, one of the problems Mel had was that my mom depended too much on my dad and he balked at signing his rights away when they expected him to.” He tells me.

“So they didn’t really work things out. Mel just got what she wanted, while your dad had to do something he didn’t want.” I tell him.

“Mel blamed that on Justin after Mom left. She wasn’t happy when Dad got my mom’s rights to me. She and Michael both told me Justin talked my dad out of it, and caused just as many problems between Mom and Mel.” He tells me.

“Or he made your dad face that he didn’t want to give you up in the first place. Brian told me that when you were put in his arms, he knew what love was. I doubt he could mask it, and Justin’s always been good at reading people.” I tell him.

“I didn’t expect him to forgive me as easily as he did.” Gus tell me.

“I think he was just waiting for you to want him in your life. He never really left you, just gave you what you asked of him.” I tell him.

“Is it strange that I’m more upset with my dad for not telling me about my mom than I am with Justin?” He asks.

“No. Because you didn’t want to hear anything from him, so you couldn’t be mad at him for not telling you. If you’re mad at Brian or Mel, that’s more understandable. They both knew something that might have helped you deal with losing your mom. I’ll say it again, I think Brian just didn’t want to hurt you more.” I tell him, not saying anything about Mel.

“While Mel was happy to make it look like my mother abandoned us.” Gus says, knowing exactly what I wasn’t saying. “I don’t want to think about it anymore, but I need to say one thing.”

“What?” I ask.

“Thanks for not giving up on me.” He says, getting closer before finally falling asleep.

GUS

Ian wanted to go see my mother and I asked him to let me meet my brother alone. It wasn’t because I didn’t want Ian with me, just that I felt like I needed to do this on my own. Justin left his address for me, and told me to come over when I was ready. I had to keep reminding myself that none of this was Patrick’s fault. On the way over, Mel started calling, and right now I know talking to her wouldn’t go very well, so I ignore her. 

Parking in front of the house, I saw Patrick standing outside the door. I feel paralyzed. The minute I talked to Patrick everything became real. The lies in my past, my mother's lost state of mind, and a brother who I never knew. Did I really want to open this door? The knocking on my passenger car window made the decision for me. Patrick was pointing at the door waiting for me to unlock it. Which ended up being easier, since he made the first move.

“I thought it would be easier if we hung out without everyone around.” He tells me. 

“I don’t know what to say to you.” I tell him. 

“You really don’t have to say anything. Other than sharing your mother, we don’t really have any reason to have to know each other. I’ll tell you right now, you say anything about my dad and I’ll beat the shit out of you for thinking you have the right to keep hurting him.” Patrick tells me.

“She’s your mother too. And trust me, I know I made a mistake the way I treated Justin.” I tell him.

“She’s really not. Giving birth to me doesn’t make her anything meaningful to me.” Patick shrugs.

“It doesn’t bother you?” I ask, starting the car, after really looking at Patrick.

He didn’t look like my mother. His hair was curly brown, brown eyes, and overall good looking in a way that at first you didn’t see. I tried to see if he was lying about how he felt about Mom, but he didn’t seem to care.

“Have you seen her?” I ask.

“When I was younger, but Da started coming when my dad would go, so I stopped having to go unless I asked. I went a couple times out of curiosity, but she was only interested in talking to my dad, not me. I was lucky, I didn’t need her because Dad gave me all the love she couldn’t.” Patrick tells me.

“I just remember her hugs and the way she was always there, until she wasn’t.” I tell him.

“You should have just remembered the good things, the other stuff just sounds like a reason to get depressed. Think about it, you’d get hurt for something she couldn’t help.” Patrick tells me.

“Any place you want to go?” I ask, backing out, thinking the kid… my brother, was right.

“Want to get lunch? Da gave me money and told me to tell you I eat like Dad.” Patrick laughed, and in that I saw my mother’s carefree laughter from when I was little.

“Grandma Deb used to say she’d have to do extra shopping to feed Justin.” I said smiling at the memory.

“She cooks like a ton of stuff, and fills our freezers for us when she visits with my Nana.” Patrick tells me.

“They didn’t tell me Grandma Deb knows too.” I tell him.

Patrick turned to look out the window before responding. “About me, sure. I think she knows about Da too, but she stays out of it. Hey, since we’re talking Italian, how about going somewhere to eat that?” I got the feeling that actually bothered him, since all he said the rest of the way to the restaurant was directions.

We ended up at a small restaurant where the owner hugged Patrick, and told us to find a place and while they start Patrick’s order. I asked for whatever Patrick was getting, since I didn’t want to waste time trying to make a decision. The owner looked me, waiting, as if trying to decide if I was serious, then shrugged before walking away.

“We need a bigger table.” Patrick told the waitress, who nodded, agreeing.

The waitress brought us drinks, messed up Patrick’s hair and told us the appetizers would be ready soon, before walking off, leaving us to sit there. It took a minute for me to think of something to ask, after the way the Deb question went over.

“So you call my Dad, Da?” I ask, not being able to come up with anything else.

“He told me to.” Patrick says, sounding defensive.

“I think I used to call him that when I was little, so that’s probably why he told you to. Was he always part of your life?” I ask, hoping he saw I wasn’t angry about him calling my dad his too.

“Only after I started talking and walking. Before that Da wasn’t sure if he wanted to be part of my life.” He tells me.

“He told you that?” I ask.

“They both stick to the truth when it comes to my life.” He tells me, which stung.

“At least they told someone the truth.” I snap.

“Did you really want to know it? I mean, nothing would have changed except that you knew my birth changed your life.” Patrick asks, not upset at my reaction.

“I would have at least known why she left.” I tell him.

“Would it have changed the fact that she left you and how that made you feel? Before you answer that, really think about it. She wasn’t the mother you once knew, and you were what, six, when it happened? I doubt it would have made it easier on you, and that was all Da was trying to do. It’s the reason it took him almost a year to want to be in my life, because it would hurt you. You can be angry at not knowing, but get it through your head they were trying to protect you from hurting even more.” Patrick tells me, looking ready to argue with me.

“Until now I always thought my father told me the truth. Now I'm finding out the truth, and none of it was what I thought. Can I be angry for that? The woman who raised me let her own selfish feelings get in the way of what I was going through. I fucked up my relationship with Justin, because I thought he didn’t care about me the way he used to.” I tell him.

“Yeah, and listened to a guy who never acted interested in you, until he got my dad out of the way. You treated my dad like shit for years, even though he tried to be there when he could. I guess we could put that as my fault, since I was the reason he couldn’t cater to you.” Patrick snorts.

“None of this was your fault.” I tell him.

“Did you practice saying that?” Patrick asks sounding like he didn’t believe me.

“I didn’t blame you when I knew my mom was pregnant with you, even when our household turned hostile over it.” I tell him, but decided he deserved the honesty he was giving me. “I hated the relationship I saw between you and Justin, but only because I saw what I gave up so carelessly. Ian asked me last night, and for a minute I thought my life would have been easier if you hadn’t been born. But it wouldn’t have changed the fact that Mel and my mom kept trying to keep a relationship going that ended a long time before Mom met Sam.” I tell him.

“She picked a winner in that one.” Patrick said sarcastically.

“Have you met him?” I asked.

“At one of my dad’s shows. He came around trying to act like Dad owed him something for letting him adopt me. When that didn’t work he stopped trying to get to know me. Which I never wanted anyway, since I saw right through him.” Patrick tells me.

“Did Justin tell you he tried to introduce us sooner?” I ask.

“Yeah. But I was too little at that time and likely wouldn’t have remembered it. He was trying to do it for you, more than me.” He tells me.

“Even when I was being a shit to him.” I say, not willing to let myself go for my part. “I still feel bad about how he lost everyone.”

“If he tried to keep in contact with everyone, it wouldn’t have been easy on any of them. Plus, I think he was just tired of it.” Patrick tells me.

“He’s the only one who ended up somewhat happy out of all of them. Emmett and Ted both lost their boyfriends, and my dad finally figured out Michael wasn’t worth the bullshit that came with him.” I tell him.

“You expect my dad to be upset because they screwed up their lives?” Patrick asks, smiling as the waitress started piling plates on the table.

“Good God.” I said, not sure if I was impressed or intimidated by what Patrick could eat.

“This is just the appetizers.” He jokes.

We rolled out of the restaurant, making me joke that Justin probably had to take out loans just to feed Patrick. Patrick smirked, saying during soccer season he ate even more. Ian texted me to see where I was and I texted back saying I was going to take Patrick home and visit with Justin and Dad. He texted he’d meet me there. I wanted to call Jenny and tell her about Patrick but I knew she’d end up telling Mel and I just didn’t want to deal with her yet. We got to the house and a couple of guys were waiting in the front.

“I had plans to do things today but I wanted to meet you. I can tell my friends no if you want me to stay.” Patick tells me.

“I’m going to be around, so go have fun. I need time to make it up to Justin anyway.” I tell him.

“He doesn’t expect you to, he’s just been happy you were willing to let it go. If you need me, I can come back, just call.” Patrick tells me, taking my phone and putting his number in, before dialing himself.

IAN

I was glad that Gus understood why I wanted to see Lindsay alone. I wanted to be able to prepare him for whatever the situation was. Her doctor, Jacobs, took me out to the garden area, where Lindsay was sitting by herself. We talked about her condition, and while there was progress, she still had setbacks. He warned me if I upset her he’d end the talk. I explained to him it was only so I knew if it would be okay for both her and Gus if they met. I wasn’t here to do anything but make sure it wouldn’t be detrimental to both of them.

I took a minute to watch her, and couldn’t really see much of Gus in the blond woman before me. The only thing I could see were Gus’s brown eyes, the rest was Brian. She looked over at us and smiled, but it was slightly vacant. I walked over and sat when she waved to the chairs next to her. Lindsay was still a beautiful woman, and was aging gracefully. Which told me that Brian and Justin made sure she was taken care of all these years.

“It’s such a nice day, isn’t it?” She asked, then waited for me to say something.

“I’m Ian Holdings, by the way, and you’re right, it is. How are you doing?” I asked.  

 “Do we know each other?” She asked, not answering my question.

“I’m friends with Justin and Brian. I wanted to meet you.” I told her, not willing to say anything about Gus yet.

“I haven’t seen my Peter in a while.” She sighed.

“Justin said you’ve been doing better.” I told her, wanting to steer her away from Brian.

“I wish I was, then I could see my Lambskin.” She said, looking upset.

I’d read the notes and saw where the doctor noted that Lindsay could sometimes acknowledge the passage of time. It also let me know that Lambskin was Gus to her. “Would you want to see Gus?” I asked.

“Did Justin tell you how he sided with me on Gus’s name?” She asked instead.

“Gus told me. He said it was either the dreaded Abraham or Gus.” I told her.

“And Justin said Gus, since he wouldn’t survive a day in school being named Abraham, but that Gus was nice.” She said smiling at the memory, then looked away from me before asking. “Are you a new doctor?”

“No, he’s just here to meet you.” Doctor Jacobs told her.

“I’m actually here because I need to make it so Gus can understand what your dealing with.” I told her, looking to her doctor to make sure he was okay with what I said, he nodded when Lindsay smiled at me.

“I miss him. But it’s hard for me to believe it when they tell me how much time has gone by. I want to, but it’s easier not to believe it.” She told me.

“Why?” Dr Jacobs asked.

“Because I left him, and I don’t know why I did it. I loved him more than anyone, but I can’t figure out why I left.” She told us.

“We talked about why you came here, do you remember?” Dr Jacobs asked.

“Yes, but it doesn’t make sense when everything was going okay.” She answered him, then looks at me. “Do you know?” She asked me.

“I wish I could give you those answers, because I don’t know if seeing Gus would be a good idea until you have them.” I told her, thinking about what it might do to both of them if she saw a grown man, not the child she left when she couldn’t go on.

“Is he angry at me?” She asked, sounding hurt.

“He isn’t angry, just confused. While your world stood still his didn’t.” I told her.

“Who are you to Gus?” She asked.

Jacobs took over since I promised to let him when it came to explaining the present tense for her. “Remember how we talked about it being fifteen years? Well, that means Gus is twenty-one now and Ian is Gus’s partner.” 

Lindsay took a minute, looking away from us, absorbing the words. “It’s easy to believe your wrong, because when I see Justin, he still looks like he did when we met. I want to believe I didn’t miss everything in Gus’s life, but I did, didn’t I?” She asked.

“He had a good life, and he wants the same for you.” I told her.

“Did Brian do that for him?” She asked, grabbing my hands as if desperate to hear me tell her yes.

“He made sure Gus was loved.” I told her.

“What about Justin? He loved Gus like he was his too. Justin tries to tell me about Gus, but it gets confusing.” She told me.

“I’m not sure what to tell her.” I said, looking at Dr Jacobs.

“The truth, and we’ll deal with it if it causes a problem.” He told me.

“For a while Gus didn’t want anything to do with Justin, but it’s getting better now.” I told her, watching to make sure she didn’t get upset.

“That doesn’t make sense. Justin would have done anything to make Gus happy. What happened?” She asked.

I kept to the truth, and hoped it would give me an idea of what she went through with Michael and Mel. “When Justin went to get you, Mel and Michael made it sound like you left Gus, without giving him a reason for why it happened. Michael managed to get Gus to think that all their lives would be better without Justin in it.” 

“That bastard couldn’t just screw up Brian’s life, but mine and Gus’s. Why would Mel let him do that to our son?” Lindsay asked.

“Because you left her.” I told her, when Dr Jacobs waited for me to answer.

“She wanted me… what did she want… I tried everything to make it up to her… no, wait, she got tired of us, I remember.” Lindsay said, as if she was trying not to remember it.

“Tired of who?” Dr Jacobs asked.

“Oh God… she wanted me to kill… but I couldn’t and I...” Lindsay said, crying hard.

“What did you do?” Dr Jacobs asked.

“Called Justin. Because he wouldn’t judge me or hurt me.” Lindsay said through her tears, then seemed to forget everything with her next words. “I have to get going, I have a lot to get done if the GLC is going to ready.” She said, standing up and walking to the nurse waiting behind us.

I waited until she was gone to talk to Dr Jacobs. “Does she do that, remember, then go back to the past?” I asked.

“When she remembers something difficult, she goes back to before it happened. I would like to see how she reacts to Gus, but not if you feel like it would hurt him in any way.” He told me.

“Have you suggested this to Brian and Justin before?” I asked.

“We’ve talked about it, but before, it was more about Gus’s age than anything. We also weren’t sure if it would help or hinder any progress she sometimes makes. I don’t think we’ll ever get her back to where she can take care of herself, but she can’t continue to deny things just to make it easier on herself. Over the years, I’ve worked with Justin about not letting her believe the past is still where she is, and she doesn’t fight him when he corrects her.” He told me.

“But with Brian she’s resistant?” I asked.

“She only refers to him as Peter, and only remembers up to Gus’s birth when it comes to him. A couple of times she’s gotten to where Mel cheated on her and Brian was there to help her, but she backs away from anything beyond it. She’s repressing anything that doesn’t say she was happy.” He told me.

“Was she like this when Justin brought her here?” I asked.

“She was suffering from severe depression, and hardly spoke to anyone. Justin had to be in the sessions just to get Lindsay to talk at first. Over time, she trusted me, but only because Justin asked her to. A lot of what I know about what brought her to us came from Justin, but only because Lindsay didn’t seem to remember any of it. Her mind wouldn’t allow her to remember, but took her back to a time where the things that brought her here weren’t there anymore. She sometimes seems to break through the mist covering her memories and says things like she just did, but then she goes backwards.” He told me.

“I’m worried seeing Gus might have her thinking he’s Brian, they look that much alike. Gus is close to the age where she and Brian were friends in college. Although, their looks aside, they really aren’t much alike in mannerisms, which could confuse her more.” I told him.

“Hopefully that would be enough to stop her from trying to go to Wonderland, and maybe see that hiding from the world that hurt her left the child she loves without his mother.” He told me.

“If it doesn’t harm Gus than we’ll consider trying it.” I told him. Then I got up and texted Gus.

BRIAN

I watch out the window as Patrick introduces Gus to his soccer team before going with them, leaving Gus standing outside the house. I wasn’t sure how to feel about him seeing the house I shared with Justin, while letting him believe I lived somewhere else. I’m tired of the secrets, and hiding Justin. I did to protect Gus, and at the time I believed I was protecting him. I know it was because I didn’t want him hating me for loving Patrick too. 

Justin got up and went to go get Gus when he only stared at the door, not knocking or coming in. I waited until they walked in, letting Gus decide if he was still angry at me or not. He tried not to show it last night, but I saw that I let him down.

“Ian’s coming.” He tells us, then wanders around looking at the pictures Justin put everywhere. “Where did you get the ones of me?” He asks us.

“Deb and your dad. I wanted Patrick to know what you looked like.” Justin tells him.

“How did you manage to keep him fed?” Gus jokes.

“I painted a lot!” Justin jokes back.

“I wanted to hate him, you know. He just makes it as hard as you do.” Gus tells Justin.

“He didn’t want to like you either, but I made sure he understood you were hurt and I was okay that you took it out on me. He couldn’t understand what you had been going through, because he didn’t lose his mother the way you did.” Justin tells him.

“It really doesn’t bother him?” I ask.

“We made sure he wouldn’t feel it, by not lying to him the way we did you.” I tell him.

“Ian and I spent a lot of time talking about it last night. I was more upset that you felt like you had to lie to me. I’ve always wanted you to be happy, but I can’t say I wouldn’t have acted like an ass about you and Justin if you had told me. I can’t even say how I would have reacted to Patrick, when you wanted to tell me that summer. So I’m going to try to let it go and deal with now as best as I can. I’m still hurt by what you did, but I’m going to do what my brother said, worry about now and leave all the things that hurt where they belong.” Gus tells me.

“We can do that, and from this moment on I won’t keep things from you.” I promise him.

“Are you going to tell everyone about Justin and Patrick?” I ask.

“Ted and Emmett. Since I don’t see any reason they shouldn’t know. I think Ted might already know, but he’s smart enough not to say anything.” I tell him.

“What about Cynthia?” I ask.

“She’s always known, but then she was friends with Justin, and not Michael.” I tell him.

“Mel’s been calling me, why, I don’t know.” I tell him.

“Jenny’s pissed because Mel wants to move to Florida to be closer to her family. Mel wants you to go with them, so Jenny will agree to go.” I tell him.

“How do you know?” He asks.

“Deb called upset about it, saying they should just move to Pittsburgh, but Mel won’t listen to her.” I tell him, as Ian comes in.

“When did Mel decided that, and why would she think I’d agree? I don’t live with them anymore.” Gus says, looking confused.

 “She doesn’t want you staying with me.” Ian said, shaking his head.

“She still won’t believe it’s more than a crush for Gus.” Justin said, rolling his eyes.

“She likely won’t believe it even when I marry Ian.” Gus told him.

“The same way she’ll think it’s my fault when I marry your father.” Justin told him.

I walked over to Justin to make him look at me. He’d refused to get married even after it was legalized, yet now he made it sound like he was finally agreeing. “Tell me.” I demand.

“Okay.” He smirks.

“Say it.” I ordered.

“Yes. I will marry you.” He tells me, leaning in to kiss me.

GUS

“It never changes. You don’t want to see your parents make out.” I stopped for a second to think about what I just said to Ian. Yes, even with the years passing, these two were my parents.

“We need to talk about your mom.” Ian told me, ignoring my dads.

That brought my dad out of his happy place, and into the present with me.

“How did it go?” Dad asks Ian.

“Back and forth. Dr Jacobs said he suggested bring Gus to see her in the past.” Ian tells him.

“Neither of us were sure it would be good for Gus, not when he was still too young to understand what was going on. After what happened that summer, I knew Mel would fight me on anything to do with Justin and Lindsay.” He tells us.

“You were willing to go against her that summer.” Gus reminds me.

“We were. But after what happened, I was dealing with Michael, and Justin wasn’t willing to push when it came to you.” I tell him.

“I didn’t want you to hurt Patrick, and your mom ended up getting worse while I was gone. But it doesn’t excuse us waiting this long.” Justin tells me.

“What do you think about me seeing her?” I ask Ian.

“I honestly don’t know if it would be good for her. She might not be willing to believe you’re Gus. For a minute, she seemed to try to remember what caused her to leave, but then she started talking about the GLC.” Ian tells me.

“Even if she can’t acknowledge who I am, I still want to see her.” I decide.

“What about Mel?” Dad asks me.

“I’ll do to her what she does to everyone else when she doesn’t like what they do. I’ll refuse to acknowledge she exists.” I tell him.

“There’s nothing like karma.” Dad says, smiling a little.

With Gus wanting time to deal with how he felt, I decided to go to Pittsburgh and talk to Emmett and Ted in person. I wasn’t really worried about how Ted would take the news. Over the years, he supported me, over Mel. I doubted he would really give a shit one way or the other about me and Justin still being together. Ted really didn’t give a shit about much outside of work anymore. I didn’t interfere or try to help him with what happened with Blake, but only because he needed to be the one to fight for his relationship the same way I did with mine. Blake was still around, but without Ted even trying, Blake didn’t see the point in it. I only know because I asked Blake what finally broke them, wanting to see if it was something that could help me. Blake didn’t blame anyone, just simply said the things he needed from Ted weren’t the same things that Ted seemed to need to be happy. Justin needed to come before my friends, yet he couldn’t always depend on me putting him before Michael’s needs, which is what Blake wouldn’t say. I asked Justin why he didn’t tell me when Michael first sent the piece of trash to him, and he told me that was between him and Michael. He also said that when it came to Michael, he tried not to put me in the middle of their problems with each other. It didn’t make me happy that Justin tried to handle it by ignoring Michael since Michael met the end of my fist for saying what he said about Justin at the anniversary party. But it also brought home how much I let Michael get away with throughout our friendship, and while I supported him, I didn’t always support Justin the way I should have. 

In a way, Justin telling me it was over also made me really pay attention to the things I ignored about Michael. Justin wasn’t there to smooth things over and being around Michael longer than it took to hang out at Woody’s and Babylon made me see he didn’t give me half of what Justin could. When I finally kicked Michael out of my house, it wasn’t just about Gus, but needing to get on with my life. I wasn’t willing to be miserable just to make Michael happy. Only, in a way, I let Michael keep his illusions that he ruined any chance Justin and I could be together. It’s why I don’t plan to ask any of our friends to keep it to themselves that Justin and I are together. I also think Mel needs to deal with the damage she did to Gus and to hear that she was wrong about everything she wanted to believe about my relationship with Justin. So for once, I’m telling Ted the truth about all of it, and not caring if it gets back to everyone. Justin and Patrick don’t deserve to have to live in the shadows of my life.

Cynthia didn’t blink an eye at me showing up when I planned to be in New York this week. She did laugh when the other employees started trying to look busy at seeing me. Ted came out of his office, only looking confused that I was standing there.

“Did we have a meeting no one told me about?” Ted asked.

“I needed to talk to you about a few things, with us moving to the New York office, there are things I can’t keep from you anymore,” I tell him, as I head to my office.

Ted followed me, with Cynthia coming in behind him. “Do you want me to call the department heads too?” She asks.

“No. This is personal and I want to make sure Ted knows what’s going on before he stumbles over it.” I tell her.

“Is this about...?” Cynthia asked without saying anything, in case it wasn’t what she thought I was going to talk to Ted about.

“It’s time. Gus knows.” I tell her, and she smiled before walking back out.

I left Ted sitting there while I sent an email out, wanting to deal with everything today so I could get back home. Gus planned on seeing Lindsay tomorrow and I wanted to near in case he needed me. I also wanted to be there if Mel decided to show up since she threatened to if I didn’t get Gus to call her.

“Gus knows what, that we’re planning a move?” Ted asks when I finish sending the email.

“He already knew we planned to, so no. I wanted to explain the real reason I want to move the main office. And…” I didn’t finish because Ted cut me off.

“I know nothing as usual,” Ted said automatically.

“I don’t care if you say anything, because I don’t plan to keep it a secret anymore,” I said wanting to laugh at the confusion it seems to cause Ted that he could say something with my permission.

Ted sat there for a second as if trying to be careful of what he said next. “Is this about the guy you’ve been with for a while?” He asked.

“We decided to get married, and since we’ve been raising a son together for the last fourteen years, I think it’s time to stop treating them like they have to be careful of my friends finding out,” I tell him.

Ted looked a little sad at that announcement, but then reined it in and smiled. “I’m happy for you and the guy.” 

“I’m glad you are because Justin misses you and Emmett,” I tell him to see how he’ll react.

Ted fell out of his chair, before fumbling to get back up. He opened and closed his mouth, not getting anything out for a couple of seconds. “Did you say fourteen years?” He managed.

“Yes, and while I’m sure you think I didn’t trust you, it had nothing to do with Justin and more to do with our son Patrick,” I tell him.

Ted twitched and seem to get nervous, and I stared him down until he finally said something. “I might have snooped on Justin over the years, so I knew he adopted a kid. I didn’t know you and he got back together. So he managed to forgive you for Michael?” 

“We managed to work through that and the other problems we were facing at the time. Which is something I need you to know about because some of it involves Mel and Lindsay’s problems too.” I tell him.

“She can’t still want to blame Justin for the shit that she and Lindsay caused,” Ted said, shaking his head.

“She’s going to make it Justin’s fault all around since he was the one who Lindsay called when staying with Mel was killing her. Justin made Mel’s top ten hit list by taking it one step further and adopting the baby Mel used to beat Lindsay over the head with. Since I knew it all, Mel thought she had me by the ball where Gus was concerned. Only I cut her off, by telling Gus the truth.” I tell him.

“How is Gus dealing with Justin being back in your life?” Ted asked, knowing how Gus acted about Justin for years.

“He almost lost Ian over his reaction to seeing Justin again. Which didn’t have anything to do with me and Justin. Just his guilt over how he treated Justin. They managed to work it out between them, and while Gus is still dealing with finding out the truth about Lindsay, he’s willing to support us.” I tell him.

“What happened to her?” He asked.

“She cracked under the pressure Mel and Michael pounded on her head. She called Justin, saying things that didn’t make sense. She asked him to help her with Gus while she got things ready for the GLC art show that Justin participated in at the beginning of our relationship. Justin ended up going to get her and knew she needed more help than just a place to stay. Mel threw her out, saying that until the baby was gone, Lindsay couldn’t come home.” I tell him.

“She never did, even after Justin took the problem away from them,” Ted commented.

“Patrick wasn’t the problem, he didn’t ask for any of this,” I said making sure Ted understood where I stood. “Even without Patrick, Lindsay wouldn’t be able to return anyway. She’s lost in a world that stopped before Mel cheated on her. Her mind blocks anything that points to the problems that came after Gus was born. It doesn’t matter if there were happier times later, just that it leads to the worst times in her life, so she won’t let her mind go there.” I tell him.

“Does Mel know where Lindsay’s been all this time?” Ted asks.

“She knew Lindsay left with Justin and then went to Lindsay parents, signing over Lindsay’s POA to them, instead of Justin. We got lucky that Lindsay’s parents didn’t want to deal with it, and gave Justin anything he wanted to make it not their problem.” I tell him.

“She still got back at him, by making him deal with the things she should have. She was actually laughing about you and Justin breaking up. Like she got one over you.” Ted remarked.

“I almost let her, because I didn’t want Justin adopting Patrick when it would hurt Gus. Only Mel never understood that while it took me a while to get my head out of my ass, in the end, loving Justin wasn’t an option for me, just something I never could stop doing.  Patrick became a bonus, by not allowing me to let what happened to Mel and Lindsay cause the same for Justin and me. After the shit with Michael, I went to see Justin and we managed to work through everything and become a family. Now that Gus knows everything, I didn’t want to keep living two lives anymore, which means telling you and Emmett, since you're still important to me.” I tell him.

“What about Deb?” He asks.

“She’s known about most of it, just not what happened to Lindsay after she disappeared. She’s been a part of Justin’s life all these years, and while she never said anything, I think she knows we’ve been together, just not how together we’ve been.” I tell him.

“Why do you think she knows?” Ted asked since it was unlike Deb to be able to keep a secret.

“She stopped trying to get Justin and I back together after Patrick started walking. Since she’s friends with Jen, it’s likely Jen either told her or hinted that she didn’t need to worry about it anymore. I’m sure the reason Deb kept quiet was more to keep Michael away from us.” I tell him.

“I doubt he’ll do anything, since David keeps him on a tight leash, nowadays. Michael screwed up trying to make it sound like you were the problem and running back to David. He can’t make a move without worrying David will kick his ass to the curb.” Ted snickered.

“David can have him because I won’t let Justin or Patrick deal with that bullshit in our lives,” I tell him.

“It’s why I was thrilled at the idea of leaving Pittsburgh. No more having to listen to Michael act like he was superior to all of us because he’s a doctor’s wife.” Ted told me.

“Are you going to tell Blake you're leaving?” I ask, knowing I should leave it alone.

“I don’t think he’ll care, I screwed up one time too many the last time,” Ted told me.

“I thought I did too, but if they really love you, then sometimes you get another chance,” I tell him.

“Justin loved you in a way none of us could understand,” Ted said as if it was still a mystery to him.

“I know he did and still does, but it wouldn’t have worked if we let it go. Which you did.” I tell him.

“Why are you telling me this?” He asks.

“Because I don’t want to see you work yourself into a grave, not living, but surviving. I want you to have what I do because you’re a good friend and a better man than you seem to think you are. Neither of us managed to have relationships with other people last long, and for me, it was because they weren’t Justin. If you're honest with yourself, it’s because no other man compared to Blake for you.” I tell him.

“Emmett is in the same boat.” He reminds me.

“You have one cat, while your partner in crime is setting up a shelter in his home, to avoid love,” I tell him.

“Calvin got married last week,” Ted tells me.

“Calvin wasn’t right for Emmett,” I tell him.

“You think Drew is? He hasn’t contacted Emmett since he left.” He tells me.

“He also never got involved with anyone after Emmett. It couldn’t hurt to invite Drew to my wedding since we use him for clients. If they don’t want each other then no harm is done.” I said.

“When are you planning to tell Emmett everything?” He asks.

My office door being thrown open and Emmett marching in, looking like he just woke up, answered that question.

“This isn’t funny Brian, do you know how many years I wished this was true?” He asks, slapping the email with the old wedding invitation Justin and I mailed out years ago. I left the date off it.

“Wish granted. Justin finally stopped balking after fourteen years.” I joke, watching as Emmett went into shock.

“Is he still breathing?” Ted asks, getting up to go and help Emmett into a chair.

“But… how… why didn’t… I lost him when all this time we could have still been friends.” Emmett said after not being able to get the first question out.

Ted spoke Emmett better than everyone else and condensed the conversation we had, it took a couple of minutes before Emmett digested everything but once he did his questions weren’t about more than how Gus was dealing with it.

“He’s made peace with Justin, and while he feels betrayed by us not telling him, he’s willing to see why we thought what we did was right. He didn’t lash out at Patrick, and Patrick managed to give Gus a chance for Justin. I’m more worried about what will happen when he sees Lindsay for the first time tomorrow.” I tell him.

“It had to be hard on you if she’s that lost in her own world,” Emmett commented.

“Justin had to deal with her because every time I tried to visit it set Lindsay back for days. She trusts anything Justin tells her.” I tell him.

“I can’t believe Mel knew and made it sound like Lindsay just abandoned them,” Emmett said, not as surprised by it as he was saying. “So we’re planning a wedding, which means everyone will know.” He said looking at me.

“I don’t want to keep pretending I have anything to hide. Loving Justin and Patrick makes me happy. Now that Gus knows, what happens doesn’t really matter when it comes to anyone else.” I told him.

“Plus, you and Ted are leaving, so it really shouldn’t be a problem for you two,” Emmett tells me.

“What’s keeping you here?” Ted asked.

“My business. The cats.” Emmett said, like a question he really didn’t know the answer to.

“Or you could try to make a new life by doing what we are.” Ted offers.

“You guys have jobs to go to, I’d have to start all over if I moved there. While my business does well, I can’t afford New York prices.” Emmett argues.

“You could if the rent was free.” I counter, wanting Emmett to get out of the rut he got into.

“I’m sort of past the sugar baby time in my life,” Emmett tells me.

“I don’t want you for that, I have Justin. I also have an apartment I don’t live in and own. I could rent it, but you’re going to have to stay somewhere to help us plan the wedding. Which will be a big, extravagant affair, which I plan to make sure you get the credit for planning. Trust me, the art crowd will pay attention to the fact that their darling is getting married and who planned it. That’s better advertising for a new business than even I could do.” I tell him.

“Which in a way you are, since it’s going to be your wedding,” Emmett smirks. “Do you think Justin would mind if I came with you when you go back? I miss him.” Emmett asks.

“I plan to leave today, so get packed, because believe it or not he misses you and Ted for some reason.” I joked.

Ted and I watched as Emmett jumped from his chair and was out the door without even asking me what time we were going. 

“Tell Justin I’m sorry I didn’t try to stay in contact with him,” Ted told me.

“I will, but he’d likely forgive you if you at least talked to Blake. You wouldn’t be any worse off than you are now.” I tell him.

“I’ll think about it, and get back to you if he agrees to see me,” Ted said, walking out the door.

GUS

Mel wouldn’t give up, she even had Jenny call Ian. Of course, Jenny was too busy ranting about how unfair it was that Mel was ruining her life. Ian let her go on and on, only saying things like, he understood, and, Mel wouldn’t listen to him. I finally decided to give Ian a break and took the phone, going to the kitchen to start dinner. I put the phone on speaker so I could cut up the vegetables for the stir fry we were having. We invited Patrick over and Ian went to answer when he knocked on the door. I waved at Patrick and pointed to the snacks Ian put out when Jenny called.

“Can you believe her, she doesn’t care that her parents barely tolerate me. She thinks just because they’re old, I should just deal with it.” Jenny screeches through the speaker.

“Holy cow, I think my eardrum burst,” Patrick said, looking at the phone.

“Who is that?” Jenny asked.

I looked at Patrick, wanting to let him decide what I said since my dad and Justin left it up to me how I handled everything. “Tell her what you want.” Patrick shrugged.

“Justin’s son is over,” I told her since the rest would take more time.

“Why?” Jenny asked, sounding puzzled since she didn’t know Justin and I are mending.

“Justin and I talked and there’s a lot of things that I found out and it included Patrick. He’s my brother, and like you, I want a relationship with him too.” I tell her.

“Mama’s going to be pissed at Justin for hiding this from us,” Jenny warns me.

“Then she can be pissed and throw away any chances, she has with being in my life after lying to me for years about everything,” I tell her.

“What about what Lindsay did? She left us to have that baby,” Jenny says snidely.

“My mother didn’t leave for any reason other than she couldn’t take any more of the shit Mel dished out every day at her. She ended up breaking apart and she still isn’t whole to this day from being treated like a pariah in her own home.” I tell her.

“Is that what Justin told you, as an excuse for why Lindsay didn’t bother to contact us?” Jenny asks, not believing anything I said.

“Actually, it’s what I saw when I went to meet Lindsay, so I’d know what Gus was going to find. What I found out, without Justin having to tell me, was that the mom Gus knew is now a woman who can’t get out of her past and lives in a facility because she can’t live in the real world after being hurt badly by it.” Ian tells her.

“She couldn’t face that she screwed up, you mean. Now you're welcoming the screw-up into your lives while my life is going to crap.” Jenny tells him.

“That must suck for you, me the screw-up gets to be happy that my dad isn’t the asshole your mother wants him to be.” Patrick puts in.

“If it wasn’t for Justin…” Jenny didn’t even get to finish, because what my dad warned me about, Patrick demonstrated.

“How is my dad’s fault that your moms couldn’t keep their pants on? It’s not. He didn’t get them naked and throw them at people, they did that all on their own. He wasn’t there when your mother threw Lindsay to the wolves for not wanting to kill me, but he was there when Lindsay was ready to kill herself. You can blame my dad for giving a crap that Lindsay needed help and he got it for her. You can blame him because he loved me too much to just toss me out like fucking garbage, which is how your mother saw me. But you will not try to make it my father’s fault that your mother can’t deal with the fact that her life is shit because she chose to do the things that caused it. My father dealt with all his friends turning their backs on him, and never once blamed them. He only wished them the best in life. So do me a favor and don’t say shit when you don’t know a damn thing about my father or me. Since I’m likely off your Christmas list, don’t fuck with my Da either. He did what he thought was best for Gus, and still loved me when I was the reason Gus’s life was screwed up.” Patrick was shaking by the time he was finished. Ian, seeing it, walked over and took him to the living room to calm down while I dealt with Jenny and my anger at her for lashing out at Patrick.

“I can’t believe he said that to me,” Jenny said, sounding hurt.

“What do you expect when you said what you said about him and Justin. He didn’t cause the shit that happened to us. Before you try to say he was the reason Mom and Mel had problems you need to remember that neither of us was old enough to even understand what it was about. Instead, we were told by Mel and Michael what they wanted us to believe. Which wasn’t even close to the truth, other than that Mom was pregnant from the affair she had.” I tell her.

“You're saying my father is a liar?” Jenny asked, sounding defensive.

“I’m not saying anything. You have to figure that out on your own. I won’t say anything because you won’t want to believe me. You turn it into the fact that I don’t like your father. But Justin doesn’t gain anything by lying to me. He’d already lost me, so he knows telling me the truth is the only way we can go forward, and neither of us is willing to let that happen again now that we’ve found each other again. I spent years treating him like nothing he did mattered to me, and it hurt me just as much as it hurt him. I won’t do that to him anymore, and I won’t treat my brother as if he’s to blame for being born when he didn’t ask to be. I don’t want to lose you, but I won’t treat him differently than I would you.” I tell her.

“I should warn you, Mama is planning on showing up at your door,” Jenny said, not commenting on anything I said.

“She won’t like the reception she gets,” I tell her.

“Are you pissed at Brian too?” She asks.

“At first I was, but he didn’t keep it from me for any reason other than he thought he was protecting me. I can’t be mad at him for helping my mother when she needed someone to be in her corner. Since I’m telling you about this, you need to know that he’s also been with Justin almost the whole time, and they plan to get married.” I said, knowing I could tell her more, but until she accepted that Justin wasn’t the enemy, she wouldn’t listen. 

“Brian threw away my dad, that’s what I know. And now your telling me that he was cheating on my dad with Justin. Yet your forgiving Brian when you know what he did.” Jenny tells me.

“It’s not like that, I’m willing to see that everything we thought wasn’t always what we thought it was. I’m willing to see my father never turned his back on me, even when I preferred he be miserable to protect me.  He stopped trying to pacify your dad, because he couldn’t let Michael rule his life, and keep him from the one man who loved him the way love should be. He followed his heart which always belonged to Justin. He couldn’t give your dad what he wanted, because Michael couldn’t be Justin for him. Which you’ll understand one day when you really fall in love with someone, no one else compares to them for you. I know it only because without Ian I’d be missing the best parts of me.” I tell her, waiting for her to say something, instead, she hung up.

Ian came in with Patrick, who still looked upset, but it wasn’t about Justin or Brian. “I’m sorry I caused you and your sister to fight.” 

“Siblings fight because we can. She might be angry right now, but she’ll eventually call trying to work it out. Which, if we ever fight, means we figure out how not to walk away mad at each other. You're my brother, just as much as she’s my sister.” I tell him.

“Did I hear it right when Jenny said Mel was going to come?” Ian asked, helping me get dinner ready.

“Probably. Since she thinks she is going to convince me to move with her and Jenny. I don’t think she’ll like my answer, or the questions I have if she shows up.” I tell him.

“She does know you're an adult, right?” Patrick asks, snacking.

“Did Da ever tell you what she’s like?” I ask.

“Um, sort of, but I could tell he held back on what he really thought of her. He did say she never treated you different from Jenny.” Patrick said, trying to be diplomatic.

“She wasn’t awful, she just wanted to control everything we did, how we felt, and who we were around. Which sounds worse than it was, or maybe not.” I said, not sure how to explain Mel to him.

“She does love you, just not anything you do when she doesn’t agree with you,” Ian said, making me laugh that both of us were just as lost on how to make Mel sound better.

“We already know she’s going to hate my guts. So at least she’ll be predictable.” Patrick adds, wrinkling his nose in a way that reminded of Justin.

“It’ll be her loss because so far I sort of love you,” I tell him.

“I think I could too, but only if you two start cooking. Before I starve,” Patrick jokes.

JUSTIN

With everyone gone for the day, I decided to go see Lindsay. I wanted to make sure she was ready to see Gus. And as weird as it was, she gave me a way to not think about things. She was sitting in the dayroom when I walked in. I smiled when she didn’t look upset about what she heard yesterday. We left the room and went outside to her favorite sitting area. Lindsay was quiet on the walk and for a few moments just took in the lake in front of us.

“Helping me hurt you,” Lindsay whispered.

“Why do you think that?” I ask.

“That man who talked to me yesterday, he told me,” Lindsay said, fidgeting.

I grabbed her hand in mine and made her look at me. “You needed a friend to help you when you couldn’t help yourself. None of that is your fault.  I only did for you what you’ve always done for me. I know you don’t remember, but you encouraged me not to give up being an artist, just as much as Brian did.” I tell her.

“Why did you want to give up something you were born to do?” She asked.

“Remember when I told you about being hurt at my prom?” I asked her.

“But before that Brian showed up like Prince Charming and danced the night away with you.” She tells me.

“Yes, but after that, someone hurt me, and I ended up having to relearn how to do everything again. It was ready to give up when I couldn’t draw the way I used to be able to. Brian did everything to help but I was still angry about losing so much because someone hated me for being gay.” I tell her.

Lindsay looked away from me, staring back at the lake. “He even bought you a computer, didn’t he?” She asks.

“Yes, and I acted like it was the worst thing he could do when it made it so I could draw again. But you know what you did?” I asked.

Lindsay shrugged instead of answering, so I answered it for her. “You took me to see a show, where the artist was a quadriplegic and didn’t let that stop her from creating. You made me see that I was letting my disability be the sum total of me. I started creating again that night. You helped me, for the same reason I did for you. Because we love each other.” I told her.

“What about Brian and you? I really wanted him to love you.” She tells me.

“We got lost just like you did, but we found our way back to each other,” I tell her.

“I don’t understand why you never told me that Gus stopped talking to you.” She tells me.

“He was hurt and confused, you weren’t there and I couldn’t be the way I once was. He clung to the people who he saw as being there for him.” I tell her, then decided to broach the subject of Gus’s visit. “The guy, Ian, he came because we told Gus where you are, and he wants to see you tomorrow. I need to know how you feel about it.” I tell her.

“He isn’t going to be the little boy I want to think he is, is he?” She asks.

“No, he isn’t. And we’re worried you’ll only see Brian when you see him. He grew up to look a lot like Brian. I know you don’t want to hurt Gus, but if you try to hide from the truth, you will.” I tell her.

“When I try to believe you, I feel like I’m being stabbed over and over. I just want to stop the pain.” She tells me, which was new.

“Why didn’t you tell us it made you feel that way?” I ask her.

“I don’t like making you sad, and you are because I can't get better.” She tells me.

“I miss the woman you were before, but I’m glad to still have you in my life. I just see the things you're missing and wish you could have them. But no matter what, I want to know anything that could help you, and even if I’m sad about it, I’m just happy you still trust me.” I tell her.

“It hurt me once when I thought you didn’t love me.” She said, which confused me for a minute but then I remembered.

“I told you, I couldn’t choose but loved you just as much,” I tell her.

“I wish she had felt the same way,” Lindsay said, quietly leaning her head on my shoulder. I put it in the win column for Lindsay, since that happened after Sam.

Justin asked us to wait until he made sure my mother was ready to meet me. He went to the hospital first thing this morning. We’d picked up breakfast on the way to my dad’s and Emmett was going to meet us there. There hadn’t been any word from Mel, but I doubted she was joking about showing up, since she left a message that she would be there and expected me to be waiting for her. I told the doorman to let her know we left but not to allow her into my apartment, out of defiance to her edict. I just wanted to deal with meeting my mother again. The rest needed to wait until I could be strong again. I couldn’t be as objective as I needed to be about Mel while I was still angry at her. I could understand being hurt by the affair, and even the fact that she wanted nothing to do with a baby that would remind her of it. She had every right to her feelings, but she didn’t have the right to let me believe my mother didn’t want me. That was what made my feelings about what Dad did versus what Mel did, different. Mel turned Lindsay into the villian. Dad, while hiding the truth, tried to make it up to me. He also never said anything about my mother that hurt me to hear.

“I can deal with Mel for you,” Ian says when we were sitting in the kitchen with everyone.

“I need her to tell me why she thought what she did was right,” I tell him.

“Are you hoping her reasons were better than we think they are?” Ian asks.

“What do you think?” I ask my Dad, not sure what I wanted from Mel.

“That you’re an adult and need to do what’s right for you where she’s concerned,” Dad answers.

“I know she’s always disliked you, but you never said anything, no matter what she said to you,” I tell him.

“If it only involved me, I did. Mel and I have had some brutal fights with each other over the years, but I promised myself never to put you in the middle of it. So I don’t have anything to say that would help, just cause more problems, when it comes to her,” Dad tells me.

“I don’t want to hate her,” I admit to Ian.

“I don’t think any of us expect you to. It’s just that none of her actions gives me a lot of hope that she’ll be able to give you an answer you want,” Ian tells me.

“Was she always like this? Wanting everything her way?” I ask Emmett and my Dad.

“She’s always been opinionated, and expecting everyone to see things her way,” Emmett said when my dad wouldn’t answer. “There were times when she was right in what she said or did, but the way she went about it…” Emmett shrugged.

“Like making it look like my mother got tired of me?” I ask, trying not to sound as bitter as I felt about it.

“Yes, just like that. Mel didn’t always care about who she hurt when she did things,” Emmett says, as if he remembered something.

“What did she do to you?” I ask him, since Emmett talked to everyone, yet didn’t go out of his way to talk to Mel.

“It wasn’t anything like this. It was when Teddy got mixed up with crystal meth. She wasn’t wrong to be angry when Ted stole the money she and Lindsay were saving for you, and she was right when she didn’t avoid letting Ted know what he did was wrong,” Emmett said, as if trying to figure out what bothered him.

“I don’t see it that way. She and Lindsay gave money to Ted when he was broke and looking for a fix. What happened shouldn’t have been a surprise when he did what he did. I bet she didn’t see where she was wrong in that situation,” Dad comments.

“Yeah, I was too busy wanting to believe that we could help Teddy, to see how bad of an idea it was. I remember thinking I should have told Lindsay and Mel it was a bad idea, but I wanted to believe he wasn’t as far gone as he was. After he stole the money and I replaced it, we went over so Teddy could apologize. Which he did. Mel didn’t really say anything to Teddy. Instead, she let him leave the room and started in on me. I was still trying to defend Teddy. I can’t say she was wrong about me being delusional about wanting to believe he loved me enough to stop. Only, with Ted she wasn’t as forceful as she was with me. She just said she’d see when it came to Ted. With me, it seemed like she was angry at me for not agreeing with her. I took it to mean she was worried about me, and she offered me a place to live when I agreed with her,” He tells us.

“Does it mean she loves me or that she saw me as a pawn in the game she was playing with my dad? It took me forever to believe someone could truly love me, because I thought my mother didn’t,” I tell them.

“You got there Sonny Boy,” Dad says, looking at Ian.

*******************************************************************************************************

MEL

I should have taken Jenny to Deb’s house, since she refused to tell me what she and Gus talked about last night, but she would have seen it as a reward for her behavior. Instead, I knew, while Gus could ignore me when he didn’t like what I told him, he wouldn’t ignore Jenny. I spent the morning trying to find out where Brian was. Something wasn’t right with the way he didn’t seem to care what I said when I told him to have Gus call me. I wasn’t sure what to think when Jenny suddenly didn’t want to argue any more about moving, just stating that she wouldn’t agree unless we moved closer to Grandma. 

It’s why I needed Gus to agree with me, because David was threatening to cut off the support he sent to me if we chose Pittsburgh. He didn’t care where as long as we were far enough away that David’s life wasn’t inconvenienced. He didn’t like that Jenny found him wanting in comparison to the father Ben had been to her. David’s ego needed to be fed, and my daughter wouldn’t when he treated her as nothing more than an inconvenience that came with Michael. I fought with David over it and he let me know he knew exactly why the perfect Ben was no longer the father of the year Jenny described him as. Michael apparently told him all about it, not getting that David saw it as a weapon to keep me in line. 

Ben didn’t walk away willingly from Jenny’s life, instead it was a condition of the divorce. Ben agreed not to contact Jenny, and Michael signed away anything they jointly owned, even though he’d paid for none of it, so Ben could be free with Michael’s replacement. Otherwise, Michael was willing to fight for everything Ben worked his whole life for. I figured it was a no brainer. I never could figure out what anyone saw in Michael enough to build a life around.

I left Jenny at the hotel and drove to Gus’s apartment, only to be told by the doorman that Gus and Ian had left. I gave him a tight smile before leaving when he told me that I couldn’t wait in the apartment for them. Ian likely got Gus to agree to it. He never liked me from the beginning, when I said that I didn’t think Gus understood lust and love weren’t the same thing. I can’t say I like him either, since he told me Gus shouldn’t have to meet requirements to be loved. Ian didn’t help when he told me he didn’t care what I thought about him or his relationship with Gus. It left me nothing to fight him with, although he did me the favor of keeping his opinion to himself, not influencing Gus in a way that would have caused problems. I didn't get him, he held cards he could play against me, but didn’t. Ian didn’t care when I treated him like he didn’t exist. He likely saw it as a point to him that Gus stopped allowing me unlimited access to his life.

Next, I went to the Asshole’s apartment. There were days when it made me happy to see his life wasn’t any better than mine. Brian never managed a relationship after Justin, and from everything I read, Justin was the success we all knew he could be. Only, he didn't have the man I knew he loved more than anything, and I did everything I could to ensure he wouldn’t have Gus in his life for siding with Lindsay when I was the one wronged. Lindsay’s father told me about Justin wanting to adopt that baby, but only after I promised they wouldn’t have to deal with Gus either. I didn’t see any reason to say anything to anyone about where the baby came from since they wouldn’t understand why I treated Lindsay the way I did. They were all bleeding hearts. Only Michael understood what it was like to love someone and have them betray all the promises you made to each other. Brian did it to him every time Justin was near. It’s not like Michael meant anything to me, but he was the one weakness that I had when it came to Brian, until he managed to drive Brian completely out of his life. Then Michael ran to David to lick his wounds. At first, I thought David could be an ally since he never like Brian. Only, David didn’t want anything to do with my problems, as he told me. He got what he wanted, Michael completely dependent on him, with the understanding that without him, Michael would be destitute. It really couldn’t have happened to someone more deserving than Michael, but that didn’t help me right now. 

Gus not calling me was the bigger worry, since he always did, regardless of disagreeing with me. I knew he wouldn’t move with me, Ian had Gus so far up his ass that Gus believed that it was love. He didn’t care when I pointed out that Justin thought the same at his age and look how that turned out. Their love story turned into ashes the way mine did and for once Brian lost instead of coming out on top. Justin’s crime was that he didn’t call me when he showed up, and didn’t want to talk to me to hear my side when I found out. He took Lindsay with him, leaving me to deal with everything. He acted like it was somehow my fault Lindsay opened her legs to that fucker, and wasn’t willing to see what Lindsay did as worse than my reminding her that she was the reason our relationship broke apart. He didn’t care about her continuing to resist getting rid of the baby, or that she was the one willing to hurt me and our children. He blocked me from seeing Lindsay after the baby was born; trying to tell me that she couldn’t take any more from me. Angry at him, I went to her parents, hoping to make it harder for Justin. Only, as usual, they foisted any responsibility for Lindsay onto any takers, and Justin ended up being able to keep Lindsay from dealing with the shit she caused that destroyed our marriage.

I was confused when I saw Emmett come out of Brian’s building. From what little Ted said about anything, Emmett was practically a hermit lately. I waited while he got in the car and followed him. I should have tried to keep in contact with Emmett, but he’d never really agreed with me. He didn’t see Brian having influence over Gus as a bad thing. So, I let time and distance cause us to lose touch, even if it was Emmett who stopped talking to me. I watched as he got out and went into an impressive house, and recognized the cars in the driveway. I picked up my phone and sent Gus a text, since he was ignoring my calls, since he obviously could hang out with others.

“I expected you to be waiting for me, since I told you I needed to talk to you,” I sent.

“You should be happy not to see me right now, at least until you can explain the lies you spent my life telling me… I know where my mother is,” He sent right back.

I sat there rereading it, hoping I read it wrong. It sent a cold shiver down my spine that everything I thought I had under control was suddenly all tumbling down. Brian had managed to win when I thought I held all the cards. I looked up when I heard a car stopping, to see it pull into the driveway and Justin getting out. And my nightmare continued when Brian opened the door of the house, kissing Justin as he went inside. This couldn’t be happening. I needed to regroup and make sure Gus believed that everything I did was for us. I got back to the hotel, wanting to scream when Deb was sitting in the room and Jenny wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

“We need to talk about everything,” Deb said, not moving when I glared at her for daring to think I owed her any explanation.

*******************************************************************************************

GUS

I didn’t let Mel change my plans. I just wanted to see my mother. Just to look at the face that sometimes I had to look at the pictures I kept to remember. Justin came back, letting us know that so far it was a good day for my mom.

“I just don’t want it to harm her, seeing me,” I tell him.

“Or are you worried about how you’ll feel if she doesn’t react well to it?” Ian asked, knowing exactly what I was really thinking.

“We don’t have to do this today if you aren’t ready. One thing I do want to tell you is not to be afraid of anything you say to her, because even if she reacts badly to it, she has people to help to get her through it,” Justin tells me.

“I don’t know if anyone can be ready for something like this, can they? But really, your life won’t change drastically since you’ve already been living without Lindsay. But, over time, if she responds at least you’ll have more than you did before,” Patrick says, grabbing the rest of the bacon.

Strangely enough, hearing Patrick, who wouldn’t have a relationship with my mom, since he was a casualty she didn’t want to remember, got me out of my seat and headed to the car with Justin and Ian. She'd never be anything for Patrick, and I really believe he could live with it. I managed to laugh when Emmett got up and started making more food when Patick complained he needed sustenance, sounding like the teenager he was instead of the wise old man that sometimes came out.

The drive didn’t take any time at all, but I knew it was because I wanted it to take longer. We were met by one of her doctors, Jacobs, who lead us outside where Justin said she liked to sit most days. She looked back over her shoulder at me as we got near each other. There wasn’t anything in her expression to give me an indication how she was feeling about seeing me. She grabbed Justin’s hand and sat him down next to her, watching me as I sat across from her. We all sat there in silence as she kept staring at me.

“Brown, not hazel,” She whispered to Justin.

“He got that from you,” Justin tells her.

“Hello… Gus,” She said, sounding like she was convincing herself.

“Hi… is it strange that I want to call you Mommy, or that the idea of you calling me Lambskin doesn’t embarrass me, like it would have in my teenage years?” I babbled when I wasn’t sure what to say.

“Hopefully I wouldn’t have done that. The last thing anyone needs is to be embarrassed by a parent,” She said, smiling before starting to fret and looking at Justin. “But I wasn’t one for Gus was I?” She asks, not willing to look back at me.

Justin looked at me, not answering her. I knew this is what he was talking about earlier, that I shouldn’t hold back out of fear of how it would affect her. “No. But we could start now and I could tell you anything you missed. I can’t be the child who you want me to be, but I can be the son you missed,” I tell her.

“Do you want to see my lake?” Lindsay asked, letting go of Justin’s hand and offering hers to me.

“I’d like that,” I said getting up and walking away as Ian watched, worried about me. For a second my head went to where Justin and Ian warned me about, the idea that seeing me would click something for my mother. I stopped it, making myself be happy with just seeing her again.

“I like your young man. Justin says he makes you happy.” She tells me, as we stroll around.

“It took me a while to convince him of that,” I told her, smiling at the chase Ian led.

“Brown, not hazel… What made him the one?” She asked.

I realized she was fighting not to forget who I was with those words. She asked me the simplest question for me to answer, about falling in love with Ian. “I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, and didn’t hear a word he said when he came to lead a lecture in my psychology class. When he was finished I waited until everyone else was done talking to him. He thought I was there to see about the extra credit our teacher was offering if we volunteered at the metal health fair. I got the information for extra credit I didn’t need, but it meant I could see Ian again,” I tell her.

“Brown, not hazel… What happened then?” She asked.

“I spent the day helping him, and realized that he loved what he did, and his reward was to see someone’s life become better. I asked him out, and he agreed, but it took me a while for him to believe I really knew what I wanted. It didn’t help that his friends made it sound like I’d eventually dump him for someone younger,” I said, only to stop when my mom stopped.

Brown, not hazel… Brown, not hazel… They shouldn’t have done that.” She said finally.

“They didn’t want him to get hurt. But they also didn’t understand how he could have something they hadn't found, none of them thought I was old enough to know what I wanted. Something they were still figuring out,” I told her, hoping she was okay.

“Brown, not hazel… It’s why I wouldn’t agree to the bet they all made,” She said, confusing me.

“What bet?” I asked, not sure if I should. I looked over to Justin who got up and came over when my mother didn’t answer me. She just stared out at the lake. When Justin got to us, I asked him. “What bet is she talking about?” 

Justin turned my mother to him. She grabbed him into a hug, and answered into his shoulder. “They all made bets on how long you and Peter would make it. It hurt me that they couldn’t see how much he loved you,” She said, looking into Justin’s eyes.

“Then you won, because we’re still together and have the life we want,” Justin told her.

“It’s why I called you. Because when YOU love someone, it’s with your whole heart. I can see that… Gus is just like you.” She told him, before looking at me, as if she wasn’t seeing me anymore. “Thank you for the walk, but I really need to get things done if Justin is going to show his work,” She said, going over to her doctor.

Justin let her go, coming over to me and letting me cry on his shoulder. I was right, nothing could make it hurt less, but in a way it was healing to know she somehow managed to tell me she was proud of who I became even when it meant she left me behind in her mind. We walked over to Ian, who let me lean on him, not trying to say everything was going to be okay. Even if seeing me would have done the impossible, it might have hurt her more to know what escaping into her mind left me dealing with. I couldn’t do that to the shell that was once my mommy.

My dad was waiting and I let him support me the way I could always depend on him for. “I know Sonny Boy,” Was all he said, and I realized he had lost just as much, since he lost his best friend too.

“She tried, and hopefully she’ll keep trying,” I tell him.

***********************************************************************************************************

DEB

I woke up to the phone ringing in the middle of the night, last night. Which normally was Carl being called in, but instead was Jenny crying because she was worried Gus would hate her. It took a while but Jenny told us Mel drove them to New York, pissed that Gus was still ignoring her. Jenny asked me if she should tell Mel what was going on. When I told her I’d do it, Jenny sounded relieved. Carl wasn’t thrilled when I told him I was going to deal with Mel and try to figure out what she thought she was going to accomplish by confronting Gus. Even though he didn’t see the reason for us to get involved he got in the car and we drove to where Jenny told us they were staying. Carl pointed out in the car that Jenny didn’t need to see Mel and me at each other's throats, so he offered to take Jenny out to do something while I tried to roll a boulder uphill. I promised he wouldn’t have to call in favors at the NYPD. I needed to help my granddaughter if I could, while trying to talk sense into the boulder.

While I waited for Mel to return from where she went after leaving Jenny alone, I called Brian, not wanting to say anything he didn’t want me to say to Mel.

“Tell her the truth. Hopefully she’ll get that this is not the time to demand anything from Gus. I doubt seeing her after Lindsay will help either of them.” He tells me, hanging up.

Mel would never see that Brian wasn't trying to score points neither could win. For him it was just about doing the best he could for Gus. All Mel would ever see was that nothing she did would convince any of us Brian wasn’t who she decided he was.

Mel walked in, glaring at me as if it would make my unwelcome visit end. I didn’t move, unwilling to care how she felt when it was hurting my grandchildren. Mel and I were at a stalemate. She didn’t want me around but Jenny loved me and became harder to deal with when Mel tried keeping her away from me and Carl. It’s why Mel wanting to move them near her parents didn’t make a lot of sense. They didn’t pretend any interest in Jenny since they didn’t like the way Mel had her. So, for me it was also about trying to find out what spurred on this idea, when Mel never made it sound like Canada wasn’t everything she told everyone it was. She wouldn't explain why she suddenly wanted to move, when it had never come up before. Jenny, while not loving it there, wasn’t against staying but would only move to be closer to me.

“Carl took Jenny out since she didn’t need to be here for this conversation. You need to leave Gus alone. He’s going to be upset enough when he sees Lindsay, and you heaping more on him won’t get you anything you want,” I tell her.

“You’ve known it all along haven’t you, and I’m the bad guy instead, right?” Mel accuses.

“I knew what Justin was willing to tell me, and figured out the rest on my own. I’m not sure exactly what Gus knows, but he knows all of you kept it from him,” I tell her.

“Yet, you didn’t see the need in telling me, when it affected my family. This affected Jenny too,” Mel says, sitting across from me like she was going to question me.

“Why would I when you made it impossible for anyone if they didn’t agree with you? Unlike the others, I didn’t have to do anything to keep you from banishing me out of your life. That happened the minute I wouldn’t ignore Justin the way you and Michael wanted me to. I couldn’t treat a child as if he was to blame for everything either,” I tell her.

“If she hadn’t gotten pregnant with that baby…” I cut her off.

“I wasn’t talking about Patrick, which is his name. I’m talking about Gus,” I tell her.

“I never punished Gus, I gave him everything he should have gotten from Lindsay,” Mel argues.

“You let him think Lindsay abandoned him. Instead of telling him the truth, that she needed to escape from a life you were making impossible, with my son’s help,” I said, not willing to let Mel twist it into anything but what it was.

“She waited until she couldn’t get rid of… Patrick, to tell me. I didn’t want the constant reminder, yet she thought we could somehow get past it and welcome her mistake into our lives. What was I supposed to do, pretend I could love him, when all he would have been was a reminder that Lindsay betrayed me with Sam? I couldn’t believe it when I found out she got pregnant. We’d moved and life was starting to get back to what it was, then she tells me. Once again, she betrayed me by hiding the results of her actions.” She tells me.

“So, instead of telling her you couldn’t do it, and that it was over between you two, you punished her. How was that supposed to do something to fix the situation? You were asking her to give up a baby, or lose everything. When she didn’t do what you wanted you beat her over the head with it until she snapped. Was it worth it? Then, you let Gus believe that his mother left him, not that she couldn’t handle what you did to her. He spent his life trying to understand what made him so unlovable that she left him. And you were there, letting him believe the worst. So I ask again, how was he to blame for everything you and Lindsay did to yourselves?” I ask, waiting for her to hopefully see her part in this, since none of us were innocent when it came to hurting people.

“Lindsay could have shown up at any time and fixed her relationship with Gus,” Mel says, as if she didn’t believe Lindsay was as far gone as Brian had told me.

“Lindsay is still in the same hospital Justin had to admit her to. I doubt she stayed because she liked being medicated and not being able to live a normal life,” I tell her, holding up my hand to stop Mel from accusing me of knowing more than I did. “I didn’t know until Brian told me about it yesterday. I called Justin’s mother to fill me in about the rest. Like you, I just assumed a lot when Lindsay never made contact with me again. I didn’t ask Justin because I trust him to do what he thinks is right,” I tell her.

“She probably likes the sympathy she gets from them, and not having to face the shit she did to me,” Mel said under her breath. But at least she admitted it was all about her.

“I think it was more about the shit you and Michael did to her that keeps her in her past and avoiding the parts of her life that hurt her. You can spin it any way you want. But fourteen years tells me she isn’t just playing around, she’s broken,” I tell her.

“Am I supposed to feel bad about that?” Mel asks sarcastically.

“If you really ever loved her, yes, you would. But I guess you really didn’t in the end,” I tell her.

“What about Michael, since you included him?” She said, ignoring what I said.

“I have long since stopped trying to find a reason for the way my son is, instead I accept that he isn’t half the man I wish he was. I know why he did what he did, because he was a selfish shit who liked hurting anyone as long as it benefited him. He saw a target in Lindsay because he couldn’t get close to Gus, since she wouldn’t have pushed Justin out of Gus’s life. She saw that Justin loved Gus, the way Brian has always and will always love Gus,” I tell her.

“Until Michael showed him the attention Justin couldn’t, since he was keeping Lindsay and the baby from Gus,” Mel said, almost like she believed it.

“He did a great job too, didn’t he? He loved Gus until nothing got him what he wanted from Brian. Then blamed Gus for everything, hurting the son you love, the same way you blame Justin. Does it feel good to have so much in common with my son?” I ask her.

“I was always there for Justin and he couldn’t support me. Instead, he helped her,” Mel spat.

“Here we go again. He didn’t agree with you and you punished him because it couldn't be about what you did. Justin helped Lindsay because she needed someone when her world was falling apart. It had nothing to do with you, and more to do with the fact that Justin couldn’t stand by and not help someone… anyone, when he could do something. He’s always been that way and unless you were blind you would have realized he was being the person we loved. He was not doing it to spite you,” I tell her.

“He adopted… Patrick. Which was what caused the end of my life with Lindsay,” Mel says, like Justin did it to hurt her.

“He fell in love with Patrick. It had nothing to do with anything but the fact that he couldn’t help but love the baby no one wanted. He knew what it was like to be tossed out, and didn’t want Patrick to ever know what that pain was like. He wanted Patrick to grow up without feeling like he didn’t have anyone. Justin even let Brian go when Brian argued that he shouldn’t do it, that's how much he loves his son. He sacrificed his wants to love Patrick, to me that says more about him than you. It took them a while before they realized they couldn’t go on without each other,” I tell her, remembering Justin’s words from long ago.

“How long?” Mel asked, which made me wonder why she wanted to know.

“I can’t say exactly when they got back together, but I think it was less than a year later,” I tell her.

Mel smiled a smile that said she thought she could use that for something. I smiled back, confusing her. “Gus knows about them and Patrick, so there is nothing there you can use against Brian,” I didn’t smirk but it was hard not to.

“Then that’s why he isn’t answering me, Brian told him everything,” Mel whispered.

“Jenny also knew since Gus told her. And think about this- your daughter was angry enough at you that she was willing to let you walk into it. Which is one of the reasons I’m actually here. Now explain to me why you think moving her completely away from the entire family she knows is a good idea, and why you tried to include Gus in this?” I ask.

“Because David doesn’t want Jenny in their lives, ruining the way David sees his family, which doesn’t include my daughter,” Mel says. 

“Michael agreed to this?” I ask.

“He probably doesn’t know or care, since everything is about holding up the image David wants them to have. Michael thinks everyone believes him, that everything in his life was better once he got rid of Brian. But no matter what he does we all know he’s still wishes David was Brian. Instead of admitting he lost, he pretends that being with David in a relationship is perfect. Why worry about his daughter when he can have all the things Brian wouldn’t give him through David? I’d love to see his face when he finds out nothing he did stopped Justin from getting Brian in the end. Justin deserves to be miserable with Brian, but Michael won’t see it that way,” Mel said, watching to see if she hurt me by telling the truth about Michael.

“From what I can see they’re both perfectly happy, in a way Michael can only pretend to be. In fact, Brian was practically glowing that Justin agreed to get married and that Gus is happy for them. From what Emmett told me today, Gus is thrilled to have Patrick in his life. I guess you could say the only real miserable ones are you and Michael,” I say, getting up. Planning to feed Patrick and make sure I’m there if Gus needs me too.

“I’m not miserable,” Mel says, as if to convince herself.

“You will be if you think Gus will agree to anything that you want. I think right now he is dealing with how you could love him yet lie to him all his life,” I tell her, opening the door.

“Don’t tell me, as usual nothing sticks to Brian. He lied too,” Mel was quick to point out.

“Brian did it to protect his son. Can you say the same? Before I go, Carl and I are going to stay tonight, I think it would be best if Jenny stayed with us, while you figure out your life,” I said, waiting for her to answer. 

“It’s fucked. What’s to figure out?” Mel told me, before looking resigned and nodding in agreement.

**********************************************************************************************

PATRICK

I love Emmett. He didn’t even blink an eye when I suggested we get something to eat after walking all over the place. I didn’t want to be there when Gus got back. Not because it bothered me but to give my dads time to help him. Emmett thought it would be a good time to look around and get some ideas of where to have the wedding. Dad told Emmett they’d set a date after Emmett knew how long it would take to get the wedding off the ground.

“They’ve taken forever already, so we need to start getting busy,” Emmett tells me, taking me out the door with him.

Emmett was busy reading texts while we waited for our orders to get to us. At one text he looked up at me. I thought maybe he was amazed at how fast I inhaled the bread they set on the table, only he stopped the waitress and told her to bring more since I was a growing boy.

“Is something wrong?” I ask, reaching for my drink.

“Mel’s here,” He told me.

“Everyone sort of expected that,” I tell him.

“Carl and Deb came, wanting to hopefully talk some sense into her. The text I just got was Carl wanting to know if I could meet him and Jenny for lunch,” Emmett tells me.

“Do you want drop me off at home? I can go out with my friends,” I said, trying not to make him feel like it was me or them.

“I want to spend time with you, but I don’t want to invite them to meet you if it makes you uncomfortable. Jenny can be a bit much on anyone,” Emmett tells me.

“As long as she doesn’t say stuff about Dad, I can deal.” I told him, curious about the screeching girl.

“I think Carl wanted to see you anyway, since I texted him that I was spending time with you,” He tells me.

“Invite them. I promise not to bite her head off again,” I tell him.

“Gus mentioned you don’t hold back,” Emmett says, texting Carl to meet us.

Jenny walked in behind Carl, and I felt sorry for her. I could see her eyes were red rimmed, and she didn’t say anything when Carl introduced us. It was like all the fight was gone from her, and she was licking her wounds for now. It made me feel bad for her. Maybe she couldn’t help how she was with her life.

“How have you been?” Carl asks me, as Jenny hid behind the menu.

“Good. I got on the hockey team, and Da didn’t say no to cross country skiing yet,” I tell him.

“I’ll have to get the schedule for you from Justin,” Carl tells me, since he came to most of my events when he could.

“You have a schedule?” Jenny asks, not getting angry that Carl was in my life.

“I play a lot of sports, and my dad started making schedules for everyone, so they could plan who would be there,” I tell her.

“What about Lindsay?” Jenny asks, sounding slightly upset.

“She isn’t a part of my life,” I tell her.

“So it wasn’t just Gus and me,” She mumbled.

“Will it make you feel better to know she’s never acknowledged that I came from her? In her world, I couldn’t exist because it means remembering what made her stop caring if she lived or died. I guess I should be grateful I was born, you think?” I ask.

“Jenny, I thought you were willing to try to get along for Gus’s sake,” Carl says, looking disappointed.

“I’m sorry. Lately my life is making me act like a total…” Jenny stopped looking at Carl, then in deference to him, continued. “Spoiled brat. I don’t know what to do to get Gus to forgive me for the things I said to you.” She tells me.

“I don’t think it would take much, he put it off to what siblings do,” I offer, as my food finally got to me.

“Wow!” Was all Jenny could say at the burger that was put in front of me. If I could eat the whole sucker, my meal was free.

“How do you stay so thin?” Emmett asks in amazement.

“The kid never sits still except when food is in front of him,” Carl says, laughing.

We were walking out after I finished and got a tee shirt. I gave it to Jenny, since I already had a few in my closet. Carl and Emmett were talking and I wanted a chance to at least find a way to deal with each other for everyone's sake. It wasn’t like I saw us being besties or anything, just not making it harder on Gus to have both of us in his life.

“I don’t know how to feel about you, but I don’t want to make it so Gus is stuck refereeing between us,” I tell her.

“He used to joke he wished I was a boy. Now he has you,” She says shrugging.

“Do you really think that Gus couldn’t love you because he’s willing to get to know me, the screw-up?” I ask her.

“I shouldn’t have said that about you. I was just lashing out when Gus told me who you were. It hurt when it sounded like he was happy, while nothing in my life seems to be going right. My dad told me he couldn’t help me, that if my mom wants to move than I needed to go with her.” She tells me.

“What did you want him to say?” I ask, not willing to give my opinion on the man Nana told me about.

“That if we moved he wanted me closer to him and Grandma, yet he acted like I was bothering him by telling him about it,” She tells me, looking down at the sidewalk.

Carl turned around as if he’s been listening to us the whole time. Which I was glad for, since I didn’t know how to deal with crying girls. “No matter what Mel decides, Grandma and I will come wherever you are when you need us,” He assures her.

I hurried up to Emmett, since that made Jenny cry harder. Emmett and I both breathe a sigh of relief when Carl tells us he needs to pick up Deb. I beamed when Carl said Deb wanted to stop by and refill the freezer for me.

“She’s okay when she’s not yelling or crying.” I say to Emmett. Emmett’s answer was to laugh at my comment.

Deb and I were both excited to see Lindsay and both wanted the opportunity to help if we could. Justin explained on the way, that unlike Gus’s visit, he hadn’t prepared Lindsay for us to see her. 

“Why not?” Gus asks.

“What she expected to see when she saw Gus, wasn’t going to happen. With you and Deb, while all of us have aged, the differences aren’t going to be as stark for her. She expects adults when it comes to you. Both of you still look like you always have in her mind, and her doctor and I think it will be better for her to deal with any differences on her own this time. She didn’t end up letting herself stay in the past but was willing to try hard to be able to see Gus as he is now. Hopefully this is something she can handle, but if she rejects you don’t take it personally, even when it will be hard not to,” Justin tells us.

“Do you think she will?” I ask.

“I think you’ve always been a good friend to her, and hopefully it’s what she remembers,” Justin tells me.

“With me?” Deb asks.

“Just make sure she knows your only here to support her,” Justin tells her.

“They didn’t stay ageless anymore than I did,” Gus jokes, when Deb looked upset.

“Do you think eventually Jenny could visit her?” Deb asks, swatting playfully at Gus.

“I honestly don't know, because she never brings up Jenny. I’d almost compare it to the way she ignores Patricks. Unless we can be sure of how it would affect Jenny, I’d rather not subject her to being hurt by Lindsay’s rejection,” Justin tells her.

“Jenny doesn’t need this right now. She has enough people in her life disappointing her. The last thing her self esteem needs is one more, even when my mother wouldn’t do it on purpose,” Gus pointedly says to all of us.

Nothing could have prepared me for seeing Lindsay. It didn’t matter that we knew what had happened, watching her having to remind herself over and over that it was Gus sitting next to her was gut wrenching. Justin looked happy that Lindsay didn’t wait for Gus to initiate contact, but did it herself. She walked straight over to him and held him as if she was making up for years of not being able to hold her child. 

With Deb, I could see Lindsay trying to remain calm, and in the past that she still lived in it made sense to me that she was wary of what Deb might say to her. With me, she tried to relax, and I refrained from the way I usually greet the people I love- with hugs and excitement. I hated the feeling that somehow I might have let her down, even not really knowing what was going on. The timid greeting Lindsay gave both Deb and me only made it worse on both of us.

“I… didn’t expect…” Lindsay stopped fidgeting with Gus hand, then tried again. “It’s nice… isn’t it?” She says, looking at Gus and Justin as if they could help her.

“I think it’s wonderful to see you. For us it’s been a long time of not having you in our lives,” Deb said, gripping my hand tightly trying not to upset Lindsay by letting her see that this was just as hard for her. 

“Brown not hazel… Justin explained… about me?” Lindsay manages.

“Enough that we understand why it would be hard for you to see me. I only want to say one thing, and if you want me to go, I will,” Deb says, waiting as Lindsay kept repeating Gus’s eye color, then finally nodded at Deb. “I love you and don’t blame any of the things that happened on you. I wish I could have been there to stop it all,” Deb says, not being able to hide the tears.

“We all do, and hope you’ll let us be some part of your world, no matter where it is,” I tell her.

“I miss your smile…” Lindsay says, really looking at me, instead of avoiding it. She took a second to look at Deb, then found her voice. “I don’t want you to go,” She says, returning her gaze to Gus’s hand as she repeated his eye color.

Justin put a hand under her chin, turning her to look at him. “Just like me, even when they’re sad they can be okay with it, just to be able to be around you. We need to give you more people who love you and support you, and make you see they aren’t going to hurt you.” He tells her.

Lindsay listened and seemed to take some strength from those words. “Talking isn’t easy for me… but I’d like to hear about you,” She says, sounding like she really wanted it.

“Well, as you know I have no problem talking your ear off,” I joke, loving the small laugh she gave us.

“Ian told me that the first time he met Emmett, he knew practically everything about him in minutes,” Gus tells her, smiling.

Lindsay laughed harder and then blushed before looking at me and howling. 

“Oh my god, even I didn’t know what to think that night,” I laugh with her.

“All of us were amused for days over that one,” Deb says, joining in.

“Are any of you planning to tell me?” Gus asks, looking at all of us laughing like hyenas.

“I can’t, he’s my baby,” Lindsay says, kissing Gus’s head.

“Let’s just say that I managed to make a guy howl while others in the house were sleeping. I thought maybe werewolves were real that night,” I tell him, wiping the tears from my eyes.

“I remember thinking I was glad I wouldn’t have to explain it to…” Lindsay says, stopping and repeating again, before moving away from finishing her thought. “Are you happy?” She asks instead.

“As much as anyone can be. I still haven’t found the one I want to spend my life with, but my babies keep me from dwelling on it,” I tell her.

“Babies?” Lindsay asks, confused.

“Brian acts like I’m turning into the cat lady, but how do you resist these faces?” I ask her, handing her my phone filled with my babies.

Lindsay sat quietly going through all of the pictures. At first I almost stopped her, since some of them contained things she wasn’t around to see. Lindsay stopped at one of my favorites of Gus and Ian. I remember thinking that I’d only seen the look the two of them gave each other in Brian and Justin. Gus was standing over Ian, unable to hide what Ian meant to him.

“I know you told me, but seeing how much you love him makes me happy,” Lindsay tells Gus.

“It reminded me of the way Brian always looked at Justin,” I tell her, having Justin look over her shoulder at the picture.

“Brian couldn’t hide it, even when he couldn’t admit it,” Deb tells us.

“I knew Peter could love, but he needed Justin to show him it didn’t have to hurt,” Lindsay says softly.

“Justin gives you the same thing, doesn’t he?” Gus asks.

“So did my Pet… Brian,” Lindsay says, looking at Justin.

“He still does,” Justin tells her.

“Brown, not hazel… he didn’t trust himself to be able to give Gus the kind of father he never had, but he loved our son and gave me you,” Lindsay says, looking at both Justin and Gus. Then Lindsay gave us a tired smile. “Thank you all for coming, but I need to get… no, it’s just too much right now,” Lindsay says, as if she’s battling herself.

“I’ll come back when I can,” Deb tells her, as Lindsay nodded at her, as if speaking was too much for her.

“I’ll be here planning the wedding we waited to have happen. Maybe you’d like to hear about it from me,” I tell her, receiving a nod before she kissed Gus and went to the nurse waiting for her.

GUS

Justin went to make sure my mother was okay, telling us he’d meet us at the car. He whispered to me that she won today, before we walked to the car. All I could think about was that my mother laughed, and feeling better about this visit because she didn’t try to escape into her past, just retreated when she knew she was about to. So we won again, and I could settle for less than a miracle, but still hope for one, without it hurting when it might never happen for her.

“I don’t know what I expected when I saw her, but she looks like they take really good care of her,” Deb says.

“Ian thinks highly of this place,” I tell them.

“So are we going to avoid the elephant in the room?” Emmett asks as we got in the car. 

I looked in the side mirror, relieved to see Justin coming. I took it as a sign that my mother was okay. Justin got in, started the car and sat there for a second, before giving us one of the smiles that earned him his nickname.

“She said she just needed to take a nap, and wanted to help Emmett with the wedding. She even asked if there was any way she could be there,” Justin says, sounding proud of her.

“I’ll find a way even if I have to build her a room, because we all need to see that love wins in the end,” Emmett tells us, letting go of what he was asking before Justin got back.

“Well let’s go see if Brian and Ian survived little Miss Melanie Misery,” Deb jokes, managing to get us all laughing again.

BRIAN

Patrick was once again making sure I worked hard to keep him fed. I kept thinking about what Ian asked me about Lindsay. Patrick was busy texting with his friends, leaving us to talk. 

“Why did you ask me about Lindsay having postpartum depression?” I ask.

“In most cases women who’ve had it once have it again, and sometimes it can be worse each time. She did what she needed to recover from it when she had Gus, but with Patrick she was also dealing with clinical depression. Which means postpartum would have been worse because she was already stressed out and likely not taking care of herself during the pregnancy.” He tells me.

“You think Dr Jacobs might have been treating the wrong thing?” I ask.

“Depression is depression, and the treatment is the same, but it also would need to be geared towards not just one problem but all the problems that bring it on. When you and she first met, what was she like?” He asks.

“She had highs and lows like all of us. I could tell she would get into a funk when she saw her family, but it was probably because they never supported her.” I tell him.

“I guess what I’m trying to get at is, did her highs or lows ever concern you?” Ian asks.

“Only when she let things go that were important, like school or some cause she was excited about but let go of after dealing with her family. She’d have her, what I used to joke about as her goth days, which just meant she would hide in her room and…” I stopped.

“Wanted to pretend you were Peter to her Wendy?” Ian asks.

“Pretty much. But after a day or two she’d be fine,” I tell him.

“I don’t get it,” Patrick tells us.

“Depression?” Ian asks.

“Yeah. I mean I’ve read about it, and while I get that it’s not fake, I just can’t imagine how someone could get that way,” He tells Ian.

“It depends on each person. For some people it’s easy to bounce back, because they know why they’re upset or feeling down and can find a way back from it. People who get what is considered clinical depression, start with one thing, then another and another, until they can’t find the way out. It’s like being in a room filled with doors, but every door in the room they’re stuck in only has another problem they don’t know how to find a way to overcome, in order to get out,” Ian tells him.

“You think that’s Lindsay’s problem?” Patrick asks.

“If she never got help, then yes. Just from what Gus has told me about Lindsay’s family could have led to that kind of problem for anyone. She had to live up to their exacting expectations of right and wrong. Something that means once she started questioning her sexuality, she couldn’t measure up to what they wanted. Like any child, she would have been trying to fit into the mold her family expected. When she couldn’t, it would cause her to view it as her own fault. Everyone wants love and approval, but a child would need it more, and willingly believe it was their fault when they couldn’t get what they needed. Her parents wouldn’t have wanted anyone to see that Lindsay needed help, since they wanted to project they were a perfect picture of a family. Likely, meeting Brian, who from what everyone says wasn’t conflicted about his sexuality and didn’t care what anyone thought, opened a door she once couldn’t find, because he was telling her it wasn’t wrong, the way she’d been told all her life. Don’t take this as me saying Dr Jacobs is wrong in anything he did, it’s just that when I treat someone with depression, knowing if there’s a history helps. We can help our patients with not just the immediate depression but the problems they never dealt with,” Ian tells us.

“Will she get better?” I ask, as Patrick got up, seeing Justin.

“It depends on her. Every door she gets through means she’s finding ways to cope, not just letting the problems linger. She'll always deal with depression, but half the battle is showing her how to deal with it. Unfortunately, there isn't a cure, depression will always be a part of her life, ” Ian tells me.

“I see you both came out without wounds,” Deb says, sitting down.

“I listened to Justin, and wasn’t going to let her sidetrack me by fighting with her,” I told her.

“So no bloody battles fought?” Emmett jokes.

“What did she tell you?” Gus asked Ian.

GUS

Ian didn’t laugh or smile at Emmett’s joke, which told me that whatever Mel had said to them wasn’t going to be something good for my relationship with her. I needed her to stop thinking about herself for once, which has always been my problem- wanting her to be someone she probably never was.

“She lost her job,” Ian tells Deb. 

“So Carl was right,” Deb says, not surprised.

“What am I supposed to do about it? If she thinks I'd ask Dad to help she's lost her mind,” I say. It was all I could come up with.

“I wish that was what we found out,” my dad comments.

“That bad?” Justin asks.

“Instead, she started out by trying to make us believe she only wanted you to convince Jenny to convert to Judaism in order to appease Mel's family,” Ian tells me.  

“Mel doesn’t even practice it, and even she knows I wouldn’t tell Jenny to do something unless she believes in it,” I said, before catching what Ian said. “Then what was she really hoping would happen?”

“I think she wanted us to believe her, so you wouldn’t be prepared and then she could then talk Jenny into thinking you were choosing our life over her. I offered the suggestion that you and I keep Jenny while she figures out what she is going to do, but all she wanted to do was convince me that Brian and Justin ruined her life,” Ian tells me. 

“By staying out of it we did good, didn’t we?” Justin asks sarcastically.

“So it doesn’t matter if what she does hurts Jenny or me? Just that Mel looks like she’s the only one Jenny can depend on. I can’t believe I’m even surprised by this, it’s what she did so I stopped being upset my mother wasn’t there, by getting me to believe my mother didn’t love me enough to stay,” I say, wondering how I could ever love this stranger.

“Now she has more fuel for the fire,” Patrick says, pointing at himself.

“If she thinks she does then I won’t stay out of it,” Justin says to my dad.

“Jenny isn’t going to believe her. Your love is the one thing she believes in the strongest. I know because you’re the only person she's never questioned me about loving her,” Deb tells me, looking sad. 

“We plan to try and get custody of her, not just keep her until Mel does whatever,” I tell her.

“Carl and I will be there to support you in any way we can,” Deb tells me.

MICHAEL 

I sat at the table faking every smile and laugh as David’s friend Thomas once again rolled his eyes when I brought up my store. 

“Michael, don’t you think it’s time for you to start a profitable endeavor? It would be better than what David kindly calls your ‘hobby’?” Thomas says, managing to make the others at the table think he was only saying it to help me. 

“Thomas, not everyone can be accomplished,” Henry says, kissing Thomas.

“Baby, I only want my followers to see that we can be successful if we just let go of childish dreams,” Thomas says, smiling at me sweetly.

I wanted to ask Thomas if sitting by the pool all day, thrilled when someone likes his youtube channel, was an accomplishment. David narrowed his eyes when I was going to say something, then got that pinched look on his face, warning me not insult Thomas, and in turn, Henry. I really didn’t get it at first, why David acted like we had to kiss Henry’s ass. Instead, I had to act like a sixty year old man and a thirty year old club boy were really the ‘it’ couple. I thought David came back to once again just reopen his practice. Nope. Instead, he went to work with other associates, with Henry owning it all. I thought it was stupid, until David told me he made more money since Henry was paying him, instead of him having to wait for insurance to pay out or patients to pay his bills. I didn’t question him again when he updated my comic store, and gave in when I asked him for a Jeep instead of sports car. Instead I sucked it up and played the same game with Thomas.  

“I'm really sorry, while I’m sure me and…” I say looking thoughtful. “your two hundred…” I stopped liking his petulant look, then finished, since Mel was calling again. “I’m sure even if the only followers are us, it’s important to hear it, but my daughter is just as important to me, so I’ll have to miss how your success could be all of ours,” I say, getting up to go to David’s office for privacy.

I let it ring as David followed me, having to pretend I didn’t knowingly insult the little shit. I put the phone on speaker in his office since David insists on hearing everything, saying it was better to know what people were saying when they didn’t know you were listening. I tuned Mel out, wishing I was anywhere but sitting around with a bunch of pretentious assholes who probably couldn’t have gotten into Babylon if it had been around in the stone ages. I went to my computer at the other side of the room and started looking up presents David could give me later.

I checked David’s reaction, and other than being annoyed as Mel droned on and on about Jenny or something, there was nothing for me to worry about. He was really annoyed at me because every time I had to talk to Mel or Jenny I faked a headache from worrying and didn’t return to his little gatherings. I was tired of everyone treating me like David could have done better than me. So he followed me this time, to stop me from trying to escape again. It was the most freedom I got these days from my small rebellions from David’s tyranny over my life. At first I could deal with it, because I had my memories of the night Brian wanted me, that I used to deal with David treating me like I owed him everything for taking me back. 

Brian could say whatever he wanted, but he wanted it just as much as I did that night. I didn’t even care that he barely touched me, or that apparently he suffers from whiskey dick just like the rest of the world. It was that one moment when I finally knew what it was like to have what he denied both of us for years. I didn’t let it matter that the rest didn’t live up to Brian’s reputation, or that the morning after he kept telling me it was a mistake and it wouldn’t happen again. I pretended to be just as concerned about how Brian would make Justin understand while thinking I finally got the part of Brian that fucking shithead twink kept from me. And in the end it got something I wanted from the beginning, getting Justin out of our lives.

“Are you even listening to me?!” Mel yelled. Which, no I wasn’t, so I had no clue what to say and went with what normally these calls were about.

“David isn’t going to budge, not when Jenny doesn’t respect him or appreciate that without him you wouldn’t get the support you get from me,” I tell her, figuring out I missed something when David shook his head.

“Let me say it again, since you weren’t listening. You will support me on this, because Gus will not get what he wants,” she shouts at me.

“What?” I have to ask, since David can’t tell me.

“To let Jenny live with them, while I figure out my life,” She tells me.

“I’m not hearing what the problem is,” I said, thinking of the possibilities that would open up for me. If Jenny was with Gus, then she’d see Brian, and at least be able to tell me why no one seemed to know anything about Brian’s life since he kicked me out. It was unheard of, the silence that surrounded his life. I realized Mel was still going and got to Gus’s perfect boyfriend.

“You know what Gus’s boyfriend rubbed into my face? That they wouldn’t need anything to support Jenny, implying that I did,” Mel says, sounding rather offended at the truth.

“It’s the truth, now more than ever. With you wanting to start over instead of staying at your high paying job. Oh wait, you told David you got fired. Why don’t you just admit that if Jenny stayed with them, you’d lose the gravy train David is willing to provide you,” I say, snickering when she started cursing.

“While I’d like nothing more than to not have to pay for the child you duped Michael into having and supporting, you better make sure Jenny doesn’t do what they want,” David says, standing next to me so Mel could hear it. I looked at David for answers since this wasn’t something he discussed with me. 

“I thought you were so sure that you won, but you aren’t, are you?” Mel taunts David.

“I’m sure Ben would love to tell Jenny the truth about you, so don’t test me, just to lose again,” David says, warning her. “Deal with her and get back to our guests,” David says to me, leaving the room.

I followed David out of the room, making sure he went back to his friends before asking what she thought she was doing testing David.

“Brave now that he isn’t listening aren’t you? I love how he thinks holding Ben over my head isn’t a double edged sword for him. I mean, imagine if Deb found out that you and David both told Hunter a hustler would always be one, no matter how you tried to clean him up. Get Ben involved and I’ll make sure everyone on Pittsburgh hears that one,” Mel says, laughing.

“Don’t forget you helped me to get Ben out of my life. It wasn’t all about me, you said Ben’s influence over Jenny would cause you problems, because he was threatening to tell everyone how you practically tortured your wife into leaving you. I’ll make sure everyone hears about that if you do anything to ruin what I married David to get,” I told her, only to realize she hung up on me.

I debated calling her back and telling her I’d get David to keep supporting her if she let Jenny stay with Gus. It was my chance to find a way back into Brian’s life. He has to see by now what he threw away. And if he did, then I wouldn’t have to put up with David anymore. I decided to wait and call Jenny to see what I could get out of her, only to almost run into Thomas in the hallway.

“Everything okay?” I ask, when he didn’t say anything.

“David needed another bottle of wine, and told me to tell you to fetch it,” Thomas says, making me sound like a dog, not David’s partner.

“What is your problem with me?” I ask, since David wasn’t here to act like I was wrong to say anything to Thomas.

“I don’t get what David found worth lowering himself to marry you,” Thomas says, smirking before heading back to the dining room.

I followed him into the hallway, pissed at how he talked to me in my house. If they wanted wine Thomas could go fetch it. He was eating the food from my table, enjoying the fucking wine David spends a fortune on to impress these assholes, and instead of being grateful to be invited, he was disrespecting me! How could he not see David should be thrilled that I was still interested now that he was no longer in his prime. I’m the one who had to take Viagra just so David could still believe somehow that he was anything compared to Brian Kinney. What do I get for putting up with everything but this loser making sound like I was nothing and nobody. What made it worse is I couldn’t say a word, because in David’s world I really was a fucking dog, but at least everyone else thinks I got the happy ending none of them did. That was enough for me to paste the smile back on and keep pretending until I reached one of my end goals. The thoughts of hanging on Brian’s arm, while Thomas was stuck with an old man, made it easier to smile through every insult that David enjoyed at my expense.

Brian reluctantly gave up the information on Ben’s whereabouts to me. He’d planned to go see Ben and find out what he knew. I convinced Brian to let me do it, because we weren’t sure how Ben would react to him. I’d always had a decent relationship with Ben, and while I didn’t understand how he could have sat there and done nothing when he knew what was going on with Mel and Lindsay, I didn’t hold it against him. Brian was on the fence, since Ben acted like Brian was somehow to blame for Michael not wanting to let go of him. Brian still wanted to come with me, and Emmett was more than happy to stick around with Patrick for us.

Brian arranged a hotel for the night, saying that way we could have a little time to ourselves. It wasn’t like our life was totally wrapped around Patrick, but nights alone were rare since it was hard on either of us to be away from our son. So my mind was more on all the things Brian and I could do to each other later in our suite when I rang the doorbell to the house Ben lived in. I’d been to the campus, only to find out that Ben was off. It seemed better that we talked in private anyway, since I wasn’t sure if he would welcome a visit from me. Ben answered the door, and once the shock of seeing me standing at his door wore off he smiled and hugged me. 

Ben let me go, looking rather happy to see me. “It’s been years and you still look the same,” He says, ushering me through the door.

I took note of pictures everywhere, including one of Hunter wearing a cap and gown, with Ben beaming next to him. “He’s doing really well, in case you wanted to know,” Ben tells me, leading me to his kitchen, waving me to a seat as he made us drinks before sitting down.

“How have you been, I mean besides the fact that your career took off?” Ben asked.

“Really good. I have a son, and I’m getting married soon. How about you? I honestly don’t know much about you now,” I asked, actually curious about how Ben’s life turned out.

“I’m really good. Mark helped me through a lot and helped me see what loving someone and having them love you back is really like,” Ben said, stopping for a second before he said what he was thinking about. “He wouldn’t let me blame Brian for the problems with Michael,” 

“Do you?” I asked.

“Not anymore. It took me time to see that I fell into the trap that Michael sets for everyone. I wanted to see him as innocent and as someone that really cares about people, but little things didn’t add up as our relationship progressed. I kept excusing Michael the way everyone else did, wanting to believe he was the guy who fought for our relationship when I tried to walk away the first time. I didn’t see that for him, having me wasn’t about love but liking that Brian was slightly jealous that we were together. Only Michael didn’t get that for Brian it wasn’t about wanting Michael, but concerns any friend would have about a person they care about going into a relationship with someone with HIV. It took me a while to see that was all Brian was really concerned about when it came to me,” He says, smiling.

“Mark helped you see it?” I ask, not ready to bring up why I really came.

“No. It was seeing you and him together the night you got back together after Ethan,” He tells me.

“What about it?” I ask.

“With Michael, Brian always seemed restless. I remember looking at you two that night and thinking he might not admit he loved you, but it was obvious to all of us you brought peace to him. It’s not a look he ever gave Michael, and at that point I figured out that while Brian tried to look out for Michael, it wasn’t more than what a brother would do. Which is why it surprised me when they...” Ben said looking apologetic for bringing it up. “I always felt awful that they hurt you,” He finished.

Which left me with the reason I came for; it was time to stop stalling. “Ben, I need to talk to you about Mel and Michael, even if you don’t want to- it’s to help both Gus and Jenny,” 

“I’ll help you any way I can. Since I didn’t when I should have,” Ben offers.

“You mean Lindsay?” I ask.

“She’s the reason I walked away. I could no longer recognize the person I was. I still don’t know how to forgive myself for sitting there while they tore away at her. I kept telling myself that it wasn’t my business, but I never thought I could be the kind of person to look the other way when someone was being hurt. Yet there I was, too busy wallowing in my own issues to stand up the way I should have for her. Instead, I started distancing myself from the whole situation, and found Mark, who made me see what kind of man I had turned into. I’ve always hoped Lindsay ended up happier wherever she went,” Ben tells me.

“She called me, and I ended up having to have her committed. She’s still not completely okay, but things have been getting  better for her lately,” I tell him.

“Hunter told me no one seemed to know what happened to her,” Ben tells me.

“After the condition she was in when I found her, I did what I thought was best to help her. She couldn’t handle anything much less to many people trying to help only to hurt her,” I tell him.

“So you did what none of us did?” Ben asked.

“I did what I would hope someone would have done for me if I’d been in the same situation. Now I need to ask you to do the same for Jenny and Gus,” I tell him.

“Ask, and if I can, I will,” He tells me.

“I don’t know if you can. What made you give up being any part of Jenny’s life?” I ask.

“I didn’t have a choice, since I wasn’t considered anything significant in her life. I might have married Michael in Canada but once on US soil, I was still just the guy Michael lived with. I tried to get Mel and Michael to agree to allow me some sort of visitation but they decided to punish me for defecting and for being unwilling to let them lie to the kids or anyone else. At first I was going to let Michael have the house, with the stipulation I was taken off the loan, but without my income Michael had no way of getting a loan. I hoped to make our separation as painless as possible, since I was the one who wanted out. Only, Mel got involved, and strangely enough while I had no rights to Jenny, Michael could have taken half of what I had worked for, since we had a domestic partnership. I chose to walk away with what I brought into the marriage, since it was all I could have. I have to be honest, at that point I just wanted to be away from it all. My health started suffering, and as selfish as it sounds, I had to think of myself first.” He tells me.

“Did you ever try to tell anyone about what happened?” I asked.

“You know what they’re like. They close ranks when they think you’ve hurt Michael. I tried to talk to Deb, hoping she could be there for Jenny, but I just hit the same wall and just couldn’t keep doing it anymore. I found a new life, and revisiting the old one only dredged up things that didn’t fit into the new one. Haven’t you done the same thing? Why go back to it?” Ben asks.

“I stayed away from Pittsburgh, but I never left my old life behind. Like you, I forged a new one, but I couldn’t stop loving parts of the old one, no matter how much I tried. I told you I was getting married,” I tell him.

“To Brian? How… I mean I’m happy for you but how did you and Brian finally get past all the crap that seemed to be working against you?” Ben asks.

“You know about him and Michael?” I ask.

“Hunter told me when it happened, and how you pretty much cut out everyone after that,” Ben tells me.

“Brian and I were already having problems, because I wanted to adopt Patrick, Lindsay’s baby. Then Michael made it so Gus didn’t want me around by making it sound like Michael and Brian would be better together and could offer a home to both him and Jenny. I walked away, which to me, was letting Michael win. Which I made easier since I’d been pushing everyone away by that point and they sided with Michael since I couldn’t explain what was going on,” I tell him.

“How did you end up back with Brian?” He asks.

“Brian was trying to be all things to everyone, but for a while he didn’t feel he could include Patrick without hurting Gus. After Michael reacted badly to Brian wanting him out of the house he bought for me, he came to me wanting us to work it out. Which we did, by keeping our life together hidden from pretty much everyone. We got fourteen years, figuring out that we didn’t need anyone to tell us how to live our lives. Only it’s no longer a secret since Gus knows, and in turn Brian isn’t willing to keep it from the people he still considers his friends. Which brings me to now, and Gus needing all the help he can get to make Jenny’s life better,” I tell him.

“I doubt she still remembers me.” Ben says, sounding sad.

“It sounds like she does. Since from what Gus says she uses it whenever David makes her feel like she doesn’t belong around him and Michael,” I tell him.

“I want to help anyway I can, but other than witnessing what Mel and Michael did to Lindsay and the way they made Gus think she abandoned them, what help could I be?” He asks.

“Character witnesses help in every case, and having you tell how you viewed the two parents of Jenny would go a long way to helping Gus and Ian.” I tell him.

“Ian?” Ben asks, and I realized just how far he distanced himself from everything.

“Gus’s boyfriend. He and Gus want Jenny to live with them, but Mel isn’t willing to see it would be better for Jenny. Mel lost her job and right now the only money she has comes from David and Michael. Which is likely why she’s letting David tell her what to do. And it doesn’t make me comfortable that all it sounds like is Mel fighting to keep the support,” I tell him.

“What is David telling her to do?” Ben asks.

“David doesn’t want Jenny to live near them. It sounds like he doesn’t like any part of Michael’s old life interfering with their relationship. Mel wants Jenny to move with her to live with her parents, who are as interested in Jenny as Lindsay’s parents are interested in anything to do with Lindsay, Gus, or Patrick. Which in case I need to say it, is none at all. Brian and I will not let Mel try what she did with Lindsay on Jenny,” I tell him.

“Using Gus?” Ben says, seeming to get where this is going.

“If it worked in the past, she thinks it will work again. Only, her timing made it so Gus wasn’t willing to talk to her. Gus was finding out about Lindsay, Patrick, and the fact that what he thought he knew wasn’t anything close to the truth. Which we all kept from him, and told him when he was dealing with guilt over the way my relationship with him was severed. We were willing to give Gus whatever time he needed, but Mel started calling, expecting him to drop everything for her problems. She didn’t know Gus found out yet, but she does now. Only she doesn’t seem to get that right now isn’t the time to demand Gus do anything, but to find a way to apologize to Gus for lying to him all his life. Brian and Ian talked to her and she went from saying she wanted Gus to convince Jenny to convert to Judaism to appease her family to what we think she was really planning,” I tell him.

“To somehow make it look like Gus was abandoning Jenny?” Ben asks.

“Pretty much. I think Mel wanted to make it look like Gus was choosing Ian over her and Jenny,” I tell him.

“You think having me on record about what I know and saw with Michael and Mel would help?” He asks.

“It wouldn’t hurt. Combined with the fact that Jenny’s old enough that a court would consider her wants if Mel wants to fight them. Jenny needs all of us to show her that it’s her who matters. Which fortunately isn’t something her two selfish parents give a shit about.” I tell him.

“Neither does David,” Ben says, sounding pissed.

“Care to explain that one?” I asked curious.

“When Michael and I split up, Hunter was still in contact with everyone. Other than Deb being angry at me for leaving Michael, everything was fine with Hunter. Michael still acted like he wanted a relationship with Hunter. Which, if I had to speculate had to do with Brian, more than Hunter,” Ben tells me.

“Michael knew Brian wouldn’t have put up with him shitting on Hunter,” Ben says, and I agree.

“Which changed when Brian stopped having anything to do with Michael. David showed back up, and Hunter had outlived his usefulness to Michael. It’s also when I stopped giving a shit what happened to anyone. I only cared that Hunter was hurt by them saying he wasn’t ever going to be anything but the hustler Michael rescued,” Ben whispers the last words as if having to say them hurt, and I agreed.

“Then help us so they don’t do the same to Jenny. Make sure they can’t win through your silence,” I tell him.

“We’ll do what Jenny needs,” Hunter says from behind me.

He plunked down in the seat, looking at me for a second. “Damn it, I still don’t stand a chance with Brian,” He jokes.

“Like you ever did, KID,” I say, leaning over to hug him.

“Sorry to eavesdrop, but Dad here still thinks I’m fragile where Michael is concerned. Although I have to say I was awed and surprised that Brian still thinks your ass is worth ten bucks,” Hunter says, shaking his head.

“He still hasn’t paid me the hundred for that night,” I joke before stopping to get serious. “I’ll completely understand if you don’t want to be involved in this. Even knowing the kind of shit Michael is capable of, it’s hard for me to imagine any parents doing that,” I tell him. 

“I don’t let it affect me anymore. But I also don’t have to have either of them in my life messing with my head and self-esteem. Instead, I used it to show myself that they were wrong about me. I won’t let them do that to Jenny, not when I can do something about it. I think David and Michael need to see that in this world money doesn’t save you.” He tells me.

“Let us know what you need and we’ll do everything to help,” Ben agrees.

“Before I go, you’re both invited to the wedding, which Emmett says is going to be next month if we don’t kill him for trying to beg, bribe, and steal anything to make it happen.” I tell him.

“I wish we could see Michael’s face when he finds out,” Hunter says, laughing.

I got up, thinking as petty as it might make me, I’d love to see it too. I texted Ted with an idea, and sent him a few pictures we’d taken of our life.

“Consider it done. Blake says ‘hi’ and he’d be happy to satisfy both of your petty little hearts,” Ted sent back.

“Oh God, what are you doing? I know that look,” Ben asks.

“What look?” Hunter asks.

“The one where Justin is planning something. Hopefully something Michael will hate,” Ben says, smiling at me.

“Brian said he wanted to stop hiding, so we will. Plus, I think Hunter should get his wish,” I tell him.

TED

Blake and I were dragging our asses into the diner after having to call in favors to get what Justin asked, done. The Pittsburgh Gazette was one of our clients and the owner was thrilled they got the story first. With my help, the editor created a whole story about Brian and Justin’s life and romance. Everyone in the business knew Brian, and all the art fans saw Justin as the hometown boy who made it. There was also the fact people still speculated on what happened to them. Now they were going to find out, with the help of Emmett’s ‘tell it to a queen’ network, and Deb, who was excited to help her boys. 

Blake helped by rounding up a couple of people to be at the diner to record the moment, only wanting to watch Michael’s reaction. 

“Should we buy earplugs for everyone?” I joke, not really since I liked my hearing and Michael at DEFCON 1 was likely to deafen all of the eastern seaboard.

“I think he’s going to finally amaze us by shutting up over the shock,” Blake tells me.

“I hate to say it but my genes mean we don’t know how to shut our traps,” Deb says, hugging Blake. “It seems all my boys are coming to their senses,” She says winking at me.

“I’ve never been happy without Ted,” Blake tells her.

“Are you going with him when he moves?” Deb asks. It’s something I’ve tried not to think about, not wanting to think about us being miles from each other.

“I can’t right now. I have patients who trust me, and I don’t want to lose the ground we’ve made. After that if I can find a job than it’s an option Ted and I will talk about. Until then, Ted will just have to make all my weekends and holidays.” Blake tells her, as Michael stands there rolling his eyes at me.

“Jesus, not again. I thought Ted finally tossed out all the trash in his life,” Michael sneers at Blake.

“I think he did. Since from what I’ve heard he got you out of his life,” Blake says sweetly.

Michael ignored Blake and the snickering around us, glaring at Deb. “What’s so important that you called five times, disturbing my day?” 

“OH MY GOD!” We heard yelled as Todd came running through the door. 

“What!?” Was yelled from every direction and Blake nodded to one of his coworkers, who started recording.

Todd handed out papers that Deb supplied him, telling everyone to look at the front page of the lifestyles section. I wanted to laugh at all the people saying they knew it, and asking how they kept it a secret from Liberty Avenue. 

“What?” Michael asks when no one would tell him, since Deb told them to let her do it.

“I thought you’d like to see what all of Pittsburgh is likely going to be talking about,” Deb says, handing Michael the full page story. I watch, waiting to see what pretty much everyone here came to see. Michael blinked and blinked as if trying to make what he was seeing disappear, then gripped the pages so hard he started tearing it. He mouthed the words- that Brian Aiden Kinney was elated to announce, along with their sons Patrick and Gus, that he and Justin Cole Taylor, after fourteen years together, are to be married in New York. Michael still looks confused and reads it again, out loud, then seems to be shocked into a trance as he silently yells ‘NO’.

I was sort of disappointed to be wrong. It seems that we wouldn’t have the verbal diarrhea that Michael normally spews that got his ass in trouble. Which ends when Michael once again plays to character.

“HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED? I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO MAKE SURE HE WAS GONE. BRIAN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MISERABLE AND COME BACK. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE, NOT HIM. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? EVERYTHING IS RUINED! MY LIFE IS RUINED!” Michael says, pulling at his hair. “How could Brian do this? He had to know I would have given up David for him. You have to tell Brian that David was a mistake, and we can have it all,” Michael whispers, louder than he probably meant to, to me and Deb.

“From what it says here, the only thing Brian wants is Justin, not you,” I tell him.

“He cheated on Brian! Caused Gus to lose everything! And now, HE GETS WHAT BELONGS TO ME!” Michael says, sounding indignant.

“He made sure Gus still had a mother, and I doubt either one of them cares to hear what you have to say. Weren’t you and Mel the ones who made it so Lindsay couldn’t be there for Gus or your daughter? And while I’m airing your dirty laundry- I have a feeling you and David should both duck for cover for hurting Hunter by saying he’s never going to be anything but a hustler, and that he should just do what he’s good at and stay out of your lives!” Deb yells at the end.

That caused all of us to look at Michael in surprise, since she hadn’t told any of us that one. Michael looks around, shrinking at the glares cast his way, and the two bears who stood up come towards him.

“Oh, did I forget that I finally let Ben tell me what happened? You might want to tell David, I might not be part of his fancy little crowd, but I doubt that matters. Carl was appalled and couldn’t help telling the mayor and other chiefs around the area how his grandson was treated by Dr David Cameron and his lovely husband Michael Novotny. I made sure to tell them that we should be careful of who we let treat us. I might have named David’s clinic as a place to avoid,” Deb says, looking at the phone. “I mean, I sure wouldn’t want to pay a doctor who thinks we’re so inferior that nothing we do to improve our lives means anything,”

“Plus, we’d rather not serve the likes of them either,” Kiki says, nodding at the bears.

Michael ran like his ass was on fire, while everyone started posting it to all their pages and accounts. 

“I’m not sure who won,” Blake says laughing.

I lean over and kiss Blake. “I guess we did,” 

GUS

I called Mel after talking it over with Ian and Gabriel, who flew up at my dad’s request. Gabriel was more than willing to help us win, but suggested that we at least show we were trying to work with Mel. Gabriel managed to get us more information though people he knew. It explained why she was focused on her parents and not just moving anywhere else. 

“With what she did, the partners are blacklisting her with everyone they know. She fucked with one of their premier clients and they are doing everything they can to make him happy,” Gabriel tells us.

“Why give it to her, if the guy was that important?” I ask.

“The prenup spelled out everything, they didn’t see any reason she couldn’t push the paperwork, which is all they trusted her to do. From what my contact told me, the only clause in the prenup was cheating on either side. If it happened and was proved, the prenup was void. The husband would have lost half his assets if it was him, if it was the wife, she would lose everything the prenup promised her, which wasn’t anything to sneeze at. Neither the husband or wife were fighting over it, which in essence made it an easy case the partners tossed at Mel. Right now, there isn’t a firm willing to hire her. Even if she were to start her own practice, who would want an attorney willing to turn on a client, which is the word being shouted everywhere,” Gabriel tells us.

“With no way to work, moving in with her family would be it,” Ian comments.

“Unless she could depend on you to help her,” Gabriel adds.

“That’s not an option for us. She burned that bridge with everything she’s done with my mother and Ian,” I tell him.

“Which we can’t make this about. It’s about Jenny’s welfare, not your anger at Mel for lying to you,” Gabriel tells me.

“My anger comes from the way Mel spent our lives manipulating us, which includes Jenny,” I tell him.

“I understand that, but what you need to understand is that we need to make her be seen as unfit to continue to influence Jenny’s life. We need to not make it sound like revenge for hurting you. Which means I need to have Jenny evaluated so we can establish she’s competent to speak for herself. It helps that right now Mel wouldn’t even try to fight this in Canada, and will likely accept the offer from Deb, since I doubt she can afford to stay in a hotel long term. Brian suggested I call Deb, since this is likely to end up in Pittsburgh because of Jenny’s father. Deb and Carl agreed since this will help us from having to fight in two states,” Gabriel tells us.

“David might cut her off, from what it sounds like,” I warn.

“If he does, then he risks her being able to sue him and Michael for more child support since their income is combined as a married couple. I’m still surprised Mel didn’t use it,” Gabriel tells us.

“She was afraid of anyone finding out all the lies she told to us, David used it,” I tell him.

“Only, the truth is out there now,” Ian comments.

“Which means we give Mel something to get what we want,” Gabriel tells me.

“What?” Ian asks before I could say no one better help Mel.

“I just plan to ask why she didn’t sue for more when Michael’s income was changed through marriage. I want her to see it as a way for her to finally get back at David for controlling her,” Gabriel tells us.

“She’ll gladly accept Deb’s offer just to rub it in David’s face,” Ian states.

“While she’s filing for more child support, we’ll be filing for custody,” Gabriel says, smiling like the shark he was.

Mel showed up without Jenny, not happy to see Gabriel at the table. “Why is he here?” She asks.

“Gus and Ian came to me, wanting to work with you on what was best for Jenny Marcus-Novotny,” Gabriel tells her.

“To be with me, her mother, and yours.” Mel says to me, ignoring him.

“Mel, she hates your parents and the feeling is mutual, why not let her stay with us?” I ask, exactly the way Gabriel told me.

“It’s Mel now, is it Brian too?” She asks.

“No. It’s Dad. Because he is willing to admit I should have known the truth, and he never once told me my mother hated me,” I tell her.

“She left you behind, which isn’t loving you,” Mel states.

“Yeah she did. But you made it so she wasn’t capable of being a mother anymore. Something that apparently she’s willing to fight for now, are you?” I ask.

“Why do you think I’m not willing to just hand Jenny off?” She asks.

“Sorry to interrupt here, but can I ask you a question?” Gabriel asks.

“Gus, let him,” Ian whispered into my ear, licking it, making me shiver. I focused all my attention on Ian, and realized I didn’t need to fight with Mel. She’d have to change in a way I doubt she could, in order for us to have a relationship.

“What?” Mel asks, after a minute of me not responding.

“I looked into the child support you receive since Brian asked me to, in case you needed more with the loss of your job,” Gabriel says, stopping as Mel looked ready to explode. “I have to ask, why haven’t you ever had it reassessed? I mean once he married David, David’s income became Michael’s. Which wasn’t the case with Ben Bruckner, who courts didn’t see as a parent to Jenny at the time. But with marriage equality, and the fact that David and Michael’s income is combined into one, you have a case,” He finishes, with Mel no longer glaring.

“If he was holding Ben or Lindsay over your head, that ship has sailed,” Ian says, getting up.

“Which means there isn’t any reason either of you need to keep Jenny. Which I would have told you when I got here, but I wasn’t happy to see you once again, Gabriel. Deb kindly offered a place for me and Jenny to stay, and I think it will work out for us. Which I have you to thank for. Making it possible not to give Gus anything, the way he’s been not doing for me,” Mel says, looking at Gabriel and getting up to leave.

“I don’t think she’s ever going to give you answers,” Ian tells me.

“I don’t need them. It’s all about her, that’s the answer to everything,” I tell him.

Unfortunately, Lindsay only got as far as her room before she became hysterical again. Dr Jacobs asked us to stay out while he tried to get her to talk to him. Justin and I waited outside her room. He wanted to be there if Lindsay needed him.

“I thought we were doing the right thing for her,” Justin says, staring up at the ceiling.

“At the time, it was really the only thing. One of the things you learn in my field is that the mind protects and hides things. I’ve spent years with patients, finding things out that might have helped sooner if the patient had been willing to talk about it. In Lindsay’s case, until her mind lets it loose, you wouldn’t know,” I tell him.

“She was there when Patrick was born and screamed his lungs off,” Justin tells me.

“It wouldn’t have mattered, she’d already started retreating into her mind. Patients that far gone don’t see reality, just what their mind wants them to see,” I tell him.

“But somehow she believed Patrick died?” Justin asks.

“Yes, and if Dr Jacobs can get her to talk about it, things could get better for her,” I tell him.

“What does it say about him that fourteen years and we’re still only now finding out things?” Justin asks.

“It says that unless Lindsay was ready, no one could have helped her. He did the best he could with what he knew, which Lindsay was keeping from all of you,” I tell him as Dr Jacobs clears his throat, obviously having heard what Justin said.

“She’s doing better, if you want to see her,” Dr Jacobs says to Justin.

“I know you’ve done everything to help her. I was just frustrated at myself for not knowing,” Justin tells him.

“As Ian said, sometimes all we can do is wait until the patient is ready, and for the first time, I think she is,” Dr Jacobs says smiling.

“Did she say anything about why she finally connected to Patrick today?” I ask.

“I was afraid at first she was reverting when she answered, but for her, Patrick was a lost boy. And she said Peter finally brought him to Brian. She was able to see the Brian of now and separate him from Peter. That’s a win, Justin. She really wants to see you, not wanting you to worry about her,” Dr Jacobs tells Justin.

Lindsay was sitting on the bed when we walked in. I offered to leave if she wanted to talk to Justin alone. She seemed to be waiting for something, and when Justin sat next to her on the bed, she spoke to me.

“You’re family, which means dealing with me,” She says in a teasing tone.

I sat on the couch as Justin laid back and let Lindsay rest her head on his chest. The way they did it told me this was common between them. Justin didn’t say anything, letting Lindsay talk only if she wanted to.

“Thank you,” Lindsay says quietly to Justin.

Justin raised her face so she looked him in the eye before saying anything to her. “Never thank me for giving me Patrick, it was my privilege to be his father. I wish I knew you thought he’d died,”

“I didn’t know to tell you,” She tells him.

“Something triggered you to remember it?” I asked.

Lindsay closed her eyes and breathed deeply, before saying anything. “I remembered wishing that Patrick had been Brian’s, and not because as Mel thought, I wanted him as more than a friend. I knew Brian would walk through fire for his child. He’d never tell me to get rid of it the way Mel and Sam did. I knew Brian would love and support the baby, the way he did with Gus. Things got confusing when I saw Brian holding on to Patrick’s hand because my mind kept saying the baby died. When you asked me, it was like a door opened and there was the baby that I forgot… Oh God, what happened to my Jenny?” Lindsay asks, staring at Justin.

“She grew up to be a very sassy, and wonderful sister for Gus,” Justin tells her.

“Does she, hate me, the way Mel told me Gus would?” Lindsay asks Justin.

“Does Gus hate you?” Justin asks.

“No?” She questions, looking at me.

“He loves you, and Jenny will too, once she understands everything,” I tell her.

“I’m tired,” Lindsay tells Justin.

“Sleep. I’ll be here,” Justin tells her, as her eyes close.

Lindsay got more comfortable on Justin’s chest, mumbling to him before falling asleep. Justin kissed her head, smiling.

“What did she say?” I ask quietly.

“She said she could finally leave Neverland,” He tells me.

“Win,” I say, watching her sleep peacefully.

“She usually sleeps a few hours after dealing with things,” Justin tells me.

“Do you stay the whole time?” I ask.

“I want to today, but most of the time I leave when she’s fully asleep,” Justin tells me.

“I’d like to stay too,” I tell him, getting comfortable reading the text Gus sent me. “Apparently Brian is willing to compete in a hot dog eating contest,” I read to Justin.

“I have a feeling our asses are going to be stuck at the gym for days after this,” Justin groans.

My thoughts went to all the other ways Gus likes to break a sweat, looking up when Justin groaned louder. “What?” I ask.

“I just didn’t need to know that Gus and Brian had that in common,” He says, before snickering at the blushing I was probably doing.

DEB

I opened the door to get an armful of Jenny, and Mel looking as if she was doing me a favor by letting her stay with me. The smile disappeared when she saw Jennifer sitting in my kitchen.

“What is she doing here?” Mel asks as if I needed her permission to have anyone in my house.

Jenny rolled her eyes and ignored Mel’s irritation as she walked over and introduced herself to Jennifer.

“Gus said you were really nice,” Jenny tells her as I decided to set Mel straight.

“Jen and I meet for coffee every day, which won’t change because you don’t like it. My offer for you to stay doesn’t mean changing my life to suit yours,” I tell her, making it clear that Jennifer will always be welcome in my home.

“Jenny you grew up to be beautiful, Justin always said you would,” Jennifer says, ignoring Mel’s glare. “While I’d love to stay and visit, I have clients waiting for me to do my job. They just hate it when I steer them wrong, so I always make sure they get what they pay me for,” Jennifer says, smiling as her words hit her target.

Jennifer walked by, hugging me, while completely ignoring Mel’s rage. “I’ll be gone for a few days to help Emmett make sure the wedding is as fabulous as my sons deserve. Hopefully, while I’m there my grandsons will get everything they want,” Jennifer says as she looks pointedly at Mel.

“Justin definitely deserves Brian,” Mel snaps.

“I couldn’t agree more. But then, who wouldn’t want sons as successful as those two men,” Jennifer says sweetly as she walks out the door.

“I don’t want you around her,” Mel says to Jenny.

“Why? Because it just shows how big of a liar you are?” Jenny challenges.

“You will respect me,” Mel demands, standing over Jenny.

“Yeah, that’s really how respect works. Do nothing for it and expect it,” Jenny says, facing off with Mel.

“This is all Gus’ fault…” Mel starts before Jenny cuts her off.

“Keep telling yourself that. Because nothing you do could ever be your fault. You screwed up your job, yet somehow it ends up being because men don’t respect you. I get upset and somehow it’s my dad’s and grandmother’s fault, because, of course, you’re so damn perfect. Gus and I lost our mother, and you tell us that it was because she didn’t love us, not because you treated her like crap. Why not realize for once that the shit that happens to YOU, is because of you and you alone!” Jenny screams.

Mel stood there raging before she slapped Jenny in the face hard enough to knock her to the floor. I cursed myself for not being able to get to her in time. I had Jenny in my arms, as Mel seemed to figure out what she did. 

“I didn’t… Oh, God.” Mel says, as if in shock.

“What? You didn’t mean it? Isn’t that my dad’s line?” Jenny asks, full of hate.

“I’ve never… I just...” Mel says, stopping when Jenny got up and ran upstairs, slamming the door. “Deb, please, I’ve never laid a hand on her before,” Mel says, begging me to believe her.

“The fact that you just did should tell you that you need help,” I tell her.

“That’s rich coming from you. I’ve lost count of how many times you hit Michael,” She says as if it justified her actions.

“You want to compare that to what you just did? Okay, we will. I never once left a bruise on my child or brought him to the floor. Although he probably deserved that and more for the things he’s done to everyone who loved him. I only once ever regret raising my hand to someone, and it wasn’t Michael,” I tell her.

“You actually admit you aren’t perfect, there's something new,” Mel snaps, as Carl comes in quietly.

“I excused it, with my grief over losing Vic, but it doesn’t excuse my laying a hand on, Brian. It didn’t matter that what he said sounded callous, it matters that I did what his father did to him all his life. Do you want to know what made it worse? Brian was grieving the only way he knew how. I let my guilt over my last conversation with Vic, hurt Brian. I own my faults. Something you still aren’t capable of. You hurt Jenny, and instead of getting down on your knees and praying she’ll forgive you, you toss the blame,” I tell her.

“Hurt her how?” Carl asks in a deadly voice.

“I don’t think Jenny and I should stay here,” Mel says, avoiding looking at Carl.

“I don’t trust you if you leave,” I warn her.

The door opened and Jenny came down the stairs, Carl looked up at her red face, no longer needing an explanation. “Did she do that?” Carl asks Jenny.

“Jenny, tell them it’s never happened before,” Mel demands.

“Sure. Since I really never want to be anything like you,” Jenny says to Mel before looking at Carl. “Yes, she hit me, and yes it was the first time,” Jenny told Carl.

“Do you want to press charges?” Carl asks her.

“Carl, I wasn't thinking, and she was fighting with me,” Mel tells him.

“She’s right, I was. Since I don’t think I should have to respect someone who didn’t do anything to deserve it. Do I want to press charges, no, but I want it documented so my mother understands she is never to lay another hand on me,” Jenny tells him.

“I don’t want her in our house,” Carl tells me, calling a friend.

“What am I supposed to do?” Mel asks me.

“Call someone who you haven’t pissed off and hope they’ll take you in,” Carl tells her, after hanging up the phone.

“If I can’t, Jenny and I will be on the streets,” Mel tells him.

“I think we can agree that Jenny can stay here, or I’ll make sure you have a place to stay for a couple of days,” Carl warns.

“Jenny…” Mel says, stopping when Jenny shook her head and went back up to the bedroom.

“Maybe your partner in crime will help you,” I say, wondering how things were going for Michael and David.

“Make sure she tells Gus… Fuck. This is the last thing I need,” Mel says when both Carl and I look at her like she was nuts for thinking we’d do anything for her. 

Carl followed Mel outside while I went upstairs to check on Jenny. She sat on the bed in tears, making me want to kill Mel and Michael for not being parents Jenny needed.

“I hate them,” Jenny whispers.

“Baby, it will get better, no matter what it takes, we'll make it better,” I tell her.

“I want what Gus and Patrick have,” She tells me.

“Oh honey, I’m sure lots of kids wish they were lucky enough to have Brian and Justin love them. Even though they haven’t been able to show you, trust me, they love you. You know what, you might get the chance to find out,” I tell her, thinking she needed to know what her brother was willing to do.

“What do you mean?” Jenny asks, drying her tears.

“Ian and Gus want you to live with them, and there are two other people who also want to see you,” I tell her.

“Gus really wants me to stay with him and Ian? Wait, who are the other people? Oh my God, I could stay with Gus, really?” Jenny says, excitedly throwing questions at me.

“Gus and Ian hired a lawyer, so yes, they really do want you with them. If for some reason they can’t make that happen, Carl and I will find a way for you to stay with us,” I tell her, making her wait impatiently about Ben and Hunter.

“Grandma, you’re killing me,” Jenny begs.

“Ben and Hunter called me recently and they hope you’ll want to see them,” I tell her.

“Ben still cares about me?” She asks.

“Do you remember either of them?” I ask her since she was barely three when Ben left.

“I don’t really remember Hunter, but I remember missing Ben when he wasn’t there anymore. He loved me didn’t he?” Jenny asks.

“He really did, and to him, you were his daughter, no matter what you might have been told. He plans to help Gus for you,” I tell her, feeling bad about how I didn’t support Ben when he left Michael.

“Mama is going to end up alone,” Jenny says sadly.

Carl came in with another officer, hearing Jenny. “Hopefully, she’ll figure out a way to straighten out her life and see what’s important,” 

The officer took the pictures Carl asked for and agreed to not file it but make it available if Carl asked for it. I wrote a statement for the file, as well as having Jenny write one. We left Jenny to sleep and went downstairs, both exhausted.

“You know, I wasn’t always the best father, and I’ve lied to my kids, but Mel makes me look like ‘father of the year’,” Carl tells me.

“Do you think this will win it for Gus and Ian?” I ask.

“It will depend on the judge, and if Mel can convince them this is out of character for her. The system still believes biology matters, and Mel spent years defending parents,” Carl tells me.

“So she knows what the judge will be looking for,” I comment.

“Hunter’s mother managed to convince a judge, even with her record,” He reminds me, shaking his head.

TED

I missed Blake already. He already had plans to come this weekend, so I started planning things we could do in my head. Which left me smiling, that it felt like my life was finally back on track. I called Brian since he offered to let me stay with him and Justin until my apartment was ready. Originally I was going to stay in his apartment, but Brian mentioned Emmett and Drew connected sooner than he planned and I probably wouldn’t get any sleep. I was thrilled for Emmett, and slightly worried since Emmett doesn’t do anything slowly. Instead, he jumps in with both feet. I texted Emmett to let him know I brought his furry crew with me since I was hoping Emmett would stay here. When he didn’t text back right away, I stopped and got lunch for me and the crew. Blake was keeping my cat, who actually came out of hiding when Blake walked in the door. Hell, Mozart was really Blake’s cat, no matter how many treats I tried to give him. I laughed at the strange looks I was getting as the cats sat next to me, waiting for a treat. My phone buzzed, as the cats attacked me trying to get the whole bag of treats. So my greeting had Emmett laughing.

“You greedy little harpies, share with your brother,” I say, putting the phone up to my ear.

“Rommy or Michelle?” Emmett asks.

“Sunny joined in this time,” I say, laughing when Sunny gave me an indignant look for telling on her.

“When can you bring them to me?” Emmett asks impatiently.

“When you won't scar them for life,” I say jokingly.

“Drew and I have been entertaining his family, get your mind out of the gutter,” Emmett tells me.

“That’s a big thing,” I tell him.

“I know I should take it slowly, but seeing him again, it’s like everything missing came together for me,” He tells me.

“We all deal with things at different speeds. Unless he does something to make you doubt him, don’t let the past come between you,” I tell him.

“How is it going with Blake?” He asks.

“I found out Brian was right, when you love someone there isn’t a limit to forgiveness,” I say as Baz dug his claws into me. “Not the jewels,” I warn him.

“You know what, hang up and get over here. I have so much gossip to tell you,” Emmett tells me.

BRIAN

Gus kept shaking his head as I groaned the whole way back to the house. Patrick, the little shit, was smirking that he proved to Coney Island he was a bottomless pit.

“So Patrick, want to tell me about… hum, what was the name Emmett texted to all of us, Da?” Gus says, watching Patrick squirm a bit.

“You mean Taylor?” I ask as Patrick gave me a warning look.

“Yeah, explain to me how you ended up dating someone with the name Taylor, Patrick Taylor-Kinney,” Gus asks, trying to be serious but failing.

“I didn’t pick the name, he came with it,” Patrick tells him.

“So what’s he like, and why didn’t you tell me?” Gus asks.

“He’s funny, smart, unbelievably good looking, and supports me in everything I want to do. I just haven’t gotten around to telling you about him with everything else going on,” Patrick tells him.

“What do you think of him?” Gus asks me.

“Strangely enough I like him, even while wanting to kill him,” I say, sort of joking. Seriously, this is my little boy here.

“Was he like this with Ian?” Patrick asks Gus.

“Yes. But by then Gus was an adult and stopped running wild once Ian was in the picture. So the want to kill him was still there, you’re my sons,” I tell him before Gus can answer.

“The only thing Da teased me about was that Ian’s a psychiatrist,” Gus tells him.

“Which doesn’t mean I don’t respect his profession. It had more to do with how people run to a therapist, not understanding there aren’t quick fixes. Justin and I actually approve of Taylor, which reminds me…” Patrick interrupts before I can ask.

“Drew and Emmett took us out to eat, so we only ate the Ziti and the calzones. Taylor wouldn’t let me eat the potato and sausage soup, or the lasagna,” Patrick grumbled.

MICHAEL

David came in, ignoring me while he went upstairs and started slamming around. I turned the volume up on Dirty Dancing, unwilling to give a shit about anything. I knew what pissed him off since Hank showed up and took great joy in showing me my ass was likely out the door. At first, I panicked, remembering how Ben easily kicked me out since everything was in his name when we were together, but I’d made David add me to everything when we got together. The lawyer I called confirmed the situation wasn’t going to be a replay of Ben and me. It was the first time all day I smiled. David and I jointly owned everything, and he couldn’t kick me out of my home. I left the office doing what the lawyer told me, opening an account with one of our savings accounts and half of the checking. My lawyer told me that I should have done it when everything was going well, not when it was likely going down the toilet. I had every right since my name is on it. When I got back home, I was just happy David still hadn't gotten back. After that, I came back and went back to imagining Brian and me as the main characters while I watched Sawyze charm the pants off Baby. Ignoring the sounds David was making upstairs.

David stomped down the stairs, dropping a bag. Then he pissed me off when he stopped the CD, breaking it in half and throwing the pieces at me.

“What the hell?” I scream, holding the pieces in my hand.

“Hell…? Do you want to know what my version of hell is? Do you?” David asks, not waiting for me to tell him that I don’t give a shit. “It’s going to work to find out the partnership I wanted was off the table… along with my practice,” He stopped, looking at me like it was my fault somehow. I hoped he’d get that I still didn’t give a fuck. “I had to sit there as Thomas played me your greatest hits,” He says, watching me for some reaction.

“What do you want me to say? You’re an idiot if you think I actually prefer you over Brian,” I snorted at the idea, enjoying his anger that I wasn’t kissing his ass.

“I don’t need you to since you told all of fucking Pittsburgh. I really loved the way you begged Ted and your mother to help you with him. As if the fourteen years of silence hadn’t clued you in that Brian DOESN’T WANT YOU. By now even a moron would have figured it out.” David says snidely.

“He would have come back, but I married YOU!” I yell at him.

“And now, my life is ruined BECAUSE I MARRIED INTO A FAMILY THAT CAN’T KEEP THEIR FUCKING MOUTHS SHUT!” David shouts back.

“Didn’t like hearing the truth, for a change. Even when we first met you had nothing on Brian, ” I scoff.

“Just like you have nothing compared to Justin Taylor. You don’t have his looks, his talent,... hell, you don’t have any talent except to ruin anything you touch. Unlike you, Justin Taylor can have anyone. And they all want him, including Brian Kinney. So here's a truth for you- YOU NEVER STOOD A CHANCE AGAINST JUSTIN IN BRIAN’S EYES, ” David sneers.

“Fuck you. You’re little feelings got hurt that you’d never be good enough. It doesn’t mean I have to believe it,” I say, pissed that he actually sounded jealous over Justin.

“Fuck you and your mother for costing me my job!” David yells.

“What are you talking about?” I ask since this was something that affected me.

“Did you even listen to your mother, past hearing Justin was stupid enough to say yes to Brian?” David asks.

“What? The shit she spouted about Hunter?” I ask.

“She also disparaged my practice and the clinic. Saying people shouldn’t spend their money on doctors like me.” He tells me.

“So? You said nobody listens to people like her,” I reminded him.

“I was wrong since apparently patients were canceling left and right, not just with me, but with half the clinic,” David tells me.

“I guess my family isn’t as lowly thought of as you constantly tell me,” I snicker.

“Hopefully they don’t think lowly of you as I believe you really are since you better hope they’ll take you in,” David says, looking smug.

“Why would I need that, since you can’t kick me out of MY house,” I say, having fun that he couldn’t control my life.

“What are you talking about?” He asks, sounding confused.

“I’m not as stupid as you constantly act like I am. Believe it or not, I learned something after Ben. So I can congratulate myself for letting you believe I really loved you and getting you to put me on everything you own… Oh wait, WE own.” I say, savoring the victory the moment David realized I made a fool of him from the beginning.

David didn’t react as I hoped, making my smirk dim, “What?” I ask.

“Without my income, you’ll also own half of the debt, since we’ll be broke by the time the divorce gets done. OUR house is mortgaged to the hilt, and before your mother set out to ruin us, we could have afforded it, along with the cars.” He says, not looking as upset as he should about it.

“That’s your problem. I made sure I didn’t have to worry,” I tell him.

“Oh, you mean the money you took from our joint account and savings?” David asks.

“So the shithead at the bank called you?” I ask, still not worried.

“Yes he did, since you wanted to transfer over half of our account,” He tells me.

“Which I did,” I say, smiling.

“Well, apparently you never read the paperwork when I added you to the accounts, which stated that I could refuse any transfers made without my approval,” David tells me.

“You still can’t kick me out,” I counter with the only thing I had.

“I won’t. But when the bank seizes the house they’ll do it for me,” David says, picking up the bag and leaving the house. 

I scrambled for my phone, hoping David was just bluffing, but the balance on the accounts told me that my plans weren’t going to happen with the hundred dollars he left in them. I went to my email, ignoring the notifications fucking Thomas had been flooding my email with, finally finding the one where David transferred the money out. I looked up the accounts that were ours, to find out he had closed them. David ruined my plan to dazzle Brian with the expensive hotel and dinner. Brian needed to see I was willing to do what it took to show him I was better than Justin.

My first thought when I woke up late in the afternoon was; I’m. Done. Completely. Done. They’re nothing to me. I’m done being less than an afterthought, done listening as they both prove over and over they only care about their own wants and needs. I feel like an idiot for believing in either of them. I didn’t want to become like Mama, throwing people out of my life when they didn’t do what I wanted. Something her parents did to her. Yet, instead of seeing it as wrong, she does the same to other people. She did it to Gus, who she claims she loves as much as she loves me. She didn’t cut him completely off though, and I wanted to believe it was because she loved him. Only now I question all her motives. She didn’t blame Gus, but his father, for Gus not seeing she was right. And once again she tried to make it sound like Brian was the reason nothing in her life turned out the way she wanted it to be. She seems to forget that without Brian there wouldn’t be Gus, the one person who never let me down and who bought Ian into my life.

I knew why Mama didn’t want Ian around, because he saw through her from the beginning. Unlike her, Ian let me and Gus form our own opinions, then only reluctantly giving us things to think about when we questioned our lives with Mama. He didn’t expect either of us to do anything but what we felt was right. And now for me, it’s not letting either of my parents use me for whatever their selfish purposes are.

I smiled for the first time in days when a text from Ian came in. He and Gus were willing to come if I needed them. I called since texting wasn’t what I needed. I needed to hear my brother and Ian proving again that I wasn’t as unlovable as my parents were making me feel.

“Jenny, tell me your okay,” Gus says instead of greeting me.

“Physically yes. Well, other than looking like I got into a fight,” I try to joke but fail as Gus curses up a storm. “I’m not okay,” I admit, not willing to lie when I needed Gus and Ian to help me.

“That’s okay, no one would be, but we’re here and will do whatever you need to help you make it better,” Ian says, once again proving I was just as important to him as Gus was.

“Just knowing you both love me makes it better,” I assure him.

“I do, and don’t ever doubt it,” Gus tells me.

“Grandma told me that you and Ian want me to live with you,” I say, wanting them to confirm it to make it feel more real.

“We not only want it but won’t stop until we can get it,” Gus says like it’s a promise.

“Which means we need you to help us pick a place to live. We don’t want to find something that doesn’t make us all happy,” Ian adds.

It made me want to cry, knowing Ian was really saying he wanted me to be happy. I didn’t want to talk about my parents anymore. Like I said, I was done. “How are things going with Lindsay?” I ask, to change the subject.

“Really good. She’s worried about you,” Gus tells me.

“She remembers me?” I ask because Grandma made it sound like Lindsay was stuck in a time loop where I didn’t exist.

“She had a breakthrough. This doesn’t mean she’s won’t still have problems, just that we might have found out why she didn’t want to remember things,” Ian says, not just to me.

“I know, but I’m willing to keep hoping,” Gus told him.

“What happened?” I ask since it felt good to know Lindsay thought of me.

“All this time, she thought Patrick had died,” Gus tells me.

“Why would she think that?” I ask, trying to understand.

“By the time Patrick was born, she was already emotionally broken. She wasn’t dealing with reality by then and wasn’t willing to see Patrick as hers. I can only theorize why, but I think for her, Patrick dying was what she deserved for her sins and for leaving Gus and you to the life she couldn’t take anymore. It’s not rational, but at that point in her life she wasn’t dealing with rational but a fantasy world she let become her reality,” Ian says, making me wish I could do the same.

“What changed to make her willing to remember me?” I ask.

“Seeing my dad with Patrick. Apparently, in her world Patrick was a lost boy,” Gus tells me.

“It was also part wish fulfillment for her. In her mind, Peter would protect the life she couldn’t since he wasn’t Brian’s child,” Ian adds.

“What about Justin? He’s the one she left with,” I ask.

“He’s the one she knew would do anything to help her or anyone else he cared about because that’s who he is. Even when I forgot about it,” Gus tells me sadly.

“But he wasn’t Brian. I mean, listening to Mama it always sounded like Lindsay trusted him the most, even if he didn’t deserve it,” I say since it’s what we heard all our lives, not because I believed it anymore.

“I think it was because Dad was still around Michael and she wasn’t sure what would happen,” Gus tells me.

“I still don’t get it. I mean, Patrick had to be around sometimes when Justin was taking care of her, yet it took seeing Brian with Patrick for her to figure it out?” I ask, trying to make sense of it.

“Justin wasn’t part of Neverland, and therefore couldn’t go there and find the baby. Her Peter could. And seeing Brian with Patrick, she couldn’t deny the past anymore. Peter brought her lost boy home and Brian couldn’t be Peter anymore or Patrick would go back. I can understand why it seems confusing, but sometimes the oddest things help when patients can’t deal with reality,” Ian tells me.

“Then why did she go to Justin?” I ask, confused.

“I think it’s because Justin was the one person she knew who wouldn’t have believed anything Michael would say to make it sound like everything bad was because of her and her alone. Sorry.” Gus apologizes since he didn’t like talking bad about my dad to me.

“Gus, I’m done wishing for a father he isn’t. Which is something he has constantly proved over and over all my life,” I tell him.

“I wish he was, for you,” Gus tells me.

“I know. But you made up for it all my life,” I tell him.

DEB

I called into work, not wanting to do anything but take care of Jenny. Carl kept reminding me not to fall back into wanting to find a reason Michael’s behavior. As a mother, it’s hard not to wonder where it went wrong with Michael when I did everything I could to make up for the things I couldn’t give him. 

“Red, let it go,” Carl says as he looks at all the food I made that is now covering the kitchen.

“I can’t when it’s hurting Jenny,” I tell him, wondering why he hadn’t gone to work today. “I thought you were working today?” I ask.

“After last night, I decided it was better for me to be here,” Carl tells me.

“I called in too. I couldn’t leave Jenny alone after Michael upset her,” I tell him.

“I just expected something that he isn’t capable of doing. Caring about anything but what he wants. You’d think I’d stop doing that since he’s never really been much of a father,” Jenny says quietly from behind us.

“I’m sorry, Baby,” I told her, taking her in my arms.

“For what?” She asks, continuing before I could say anything, “You have nothing to be sorry for, it’s something missing in him, not something you did. You’ve always listened and done what you could to make things better. You had nothing to do with what my dad lacks since you go out of your way to do everything you can for the people you love. He was the one who does the crap he does, not you,” she finishes. 

 “I couldn’t have said it better,” Carl says, looking proud of Jenny.

“I thought a lot about it and I’m just done with people who don’t add anything worth anything to my life. I have people who love me even when I’m not perfect or don’t get them what they want. Before you start with ‘we should forgive people’, it’s just not in me to do it right now,” Jenny tells me.

“I just don’t want you to regret things, and forgiveness doesn’t excuse anything, but makes it so you can move on without regrets,” I tell her, as my door opens, surprising all of us.

“Sorry, I’m late… Brian wanted me to be with him to meet the baby,” Michael says, as he sits down and starts piling food on a plate. He looked at Carl and Jenny like he didn’t know them, making me wonder what he was up to. “Sorry, I didn’t know Ma was entertaining this early. I’m Michael, her son…” Michael left off like they needed to introduce themselves.

“Are you kidding me?” Jenny says, looking incredulous.

“What the hell are you playing at?” Carl asks him.

Michael ignored him, continuing on as if anything he was saying was making sense. “You wouldn’t believe it, Ma, he let some trick decide on Gus for the baby’s name. Hopefully, the kid doesn’t think it means anything to Brian. Of course, as usual, Brian will make me deal with it. I just hope the kid doesn’t think he’s more than just another trick for Brian.” 

“You’re unbelievable,” Jenny says, getting up and leaving us with Michael.

“Sorry. I should have been more careful what I say around your kid,” Michael says to Carl.

I shook my head at Carl when he looked ready to wring Michael’s neck. “Michael, are you okay?” I ask, trying to sound like I believe the bullshit he’s trying to pull.

“Of course. I mean, I’m tired from having to go with Brian last night. Maybe we should talk to Brian though since we both know Lindsay is going to use the kid to get things from him.” Michael says, rolling his eyes.

“Really?” I ask, willing to play along.

“I just need to make sure Brian doesn’t…” Michael stops, looking around confused. “Fuck. Brian’s going to have my ass, I forgot I have his car,” he says getting up slowly and walking to the door. Michael turned as if waiting for me to stop him.

“You better find the jeep, since you don’t need Andrew using you being late as a reason to get you into trouble,” I say, playing along.

Michael’s confusion that I played along would’ve been funny if I wasn’t so angry. “Yeah… I guess I should. Maybe I could get a ride to my place since I took the bus here.” He says, looking around as if confused. I wanted to clap before I kicked his ass for thinking we were this gullible. 

“Why do I feel like I should know you?” Michael asks Carl. “Where’s Uncle Vic?” He asks, then grabbed his phone mumbling Brian was going to kill him for making him late for work. “Brian… what, who are you, I’m trying to reach my best friend Brian Kinney… Wrong number? No, this is Brian’s number, so do me a favor and tell him to get on the phone…” Michael pulled the phone from his ear, mumbling that the trick hung up. “I don’t understand….” Michael says, looking lost, waiting for whatever he thinks he’ll accomplish by doing this.

“Neither do I, but have a good day,” I tell him.

Michael shuffled to the door, before turning again. “Ma, maybe you should call Brian, so he’ll know I’m on my… way,” He says, holding his head before falling to the floor with a thunk that probably hurt.

I went to the table and fixed a plate for Jenny. She needed to eat since she hadn’t wanted anything after last night. I made sure to walk over my son and up the stairs. I kept going as he groaned loudly, wanting attention. Jenny opened the door, shaking her head as Michael’s moans got louder. “Eat, while I deal with my idiot son,” I demand.

“I can’t believe he’s doing this,” Jenny says before taking the plate and shutting her door.

Michael sat up, confusion was written all over his face, “Ma, I think there’s something wrong with me.”

“I’m sure you want me to think so,” I mutter under my breath.

“Wait, you’re that cop guy. Why are you here? No, that can’t be right… I must have drunk too much, it’s making me imagine the craziest things… I better get going or Brian is going to really kill me for making us both late today,” He says, opening the door, stopping when he got to the porch. “Why does your door look different?” He asks. Carl shook his head when Michael still hadn’t given up.

“Don’t you remember? You painted it,” I say, waiting to see if he contradicted me.

Michael opened his mouth, only stopping since correcting me would ruin his little act. “I guess I should get going, Brian is probably wondering where I am,” He mumbles, finally walking down the stairs. I followed as Michael went down the sidewalk, going toward his car he parked a few houses down.

“What did he think he was doing?” Carl asks, following me.

“Hoping if it worked for Lindsay, then it could work for him. My son’s never been able to come up with anything original,” I told him before I yelled to Michael. “Michael, leave that car alone, the last thing Carl needs is to have to arrest you for stealing the neighbor’s car.” Michael huffs, before passing it, since it would ruin the performance.

GABRIEL

I took Jen’s advice and let David approach me. Something that happens when arrogant assholes realize they need help since they already screwed up. It always amazes me how every old rich asshole seems to think those young trophies they proudly show off aren't there because of the money the idiots will end up paying them. Instead, they end up with pie on their faces, as they have to fight to keep the money they didn’t protect since they wanted to believe everyone wanted them. Then they do the one stupid thing that will make sure they keep paying for the rest of their lives, have kids to prove they’re still a stallion in the eyes of the world. At least David couldn’t make that mistake with Michael.

“I didn’t know you were a member,” David says sitting down, looking at me like his salvation.

“My reputation precedes me I see, but sorry, who are you?” I ask, knowing it would hurt his little ego.

“I’m David Cameron,” He says as if I should sit up and take notice. Instead, I raised my brow as if to question if that should mean anything to me. 

I sat there letting him stew for a minute. “Wait, I’ve heard your name… but damn I’m having a hard time remembering why. Oh… now I remember.” I say, acting embarrassed for him.

“I’m hoping, with your help, to make that problem go away,” David tells me.

“Which one? The husband or having your reputation in the trash?” I ask.

“Both. Since everything I’ve heard about you tells me you have no problem getting dirty for your clients,” David says smiling.

“I can’t say you’re wrong, but my clients know they can’t hide anything if they expect me to do my job. I don’t like surprises if they expect me to get them what they want,” I say, still playing along.

“I’m assuming you saw the video, which should explain my problem or problems,” He tells me.

“The only problem with what Deb said, is if it was true, and can be proven,” I tell him.

“Or I could make sure no one would believe a hustler with a record. If he doesn’t help make it go away, then he can deal with people knowing his sordid history. I would think he’d rather not have all that dredged up, don’t you?” David asks me.

“I’ll ask him when I meet with him,” I tell him.

“Before you do that… my other problem is more pressing.” David tells me.

I shook my head, looking at the ceiling before saying anything. “Let me guess, since most men like you make this mistake, no prenup?” 

David was offended at my pretty much saying he'd been an idiot, but held back since pissing me off wouldn’t help him. Not that I was going to anyway. “No. I wanted to trust the man who willingly married me. I did protect myself, just not the assets that we obtained while married.” He gritted out.

“Ah, so we’re dealing with Alpha male syndrome? You don’t feel like you should have to pay for the goods that will no longer be at your beck and call? I’d probably be able to make that happen for you…” I left off, letting him fill the balloon of revenge up before I stuck the pin in. “Except that it would be a conflict of interest. My clients hired me to deal with you, your husband, and Melanie Marcus.” 

I swear there was steam coming out of his ears and eyes. Unfortunately, like Melanie Marcus, he once again thought Brian Kinney gave a damn about anything to do with them. “So Brian couldn’t be happy. What did he hire you to do, make sure Michael gets everything his greedy little heart wants?”

“From what I saw Brian is very happy and couldn’t care less about what happens to Michael Novotny. I have to say, while Brian is not an enemy I’d want to make, having Jennifer Taylor as one might be worse. Which is who hired me to represent Hunter Bruckner, since she’s not willing to let Hunter be victimized by you or your husband. Something she understands, from dealing with what happened to Justin after the prom and then in a courtroom. Do yourself a favor and don’t even think of going after Hunter to try and save yourself, or you’ll find out how dirty I can get,” I tell him.

“It’s still my word against his,” He states.

“Sure. But how do you think you would fare against Jennifer Taylor? The people you’re trying to redeem yourself in front of will be leery of upsetting her or her family. You might look down on Brian Kinney, but no one here does. Because money is king and Brian is a kingmaker in business. They all know not to upset Jennifer Taylor or they lose any chance of Brian helping them. Touch Hunter and you’ll find out how little you’ll gain from it.” I warn him, getting up to leave.

“I won’t sit by and let Hunter leech off me,” David tells me.

“He doesn’t want one a damn thing from you, and never he did,” I tell him.

“Then why would he need you?” David asks, bewildered at the idea it wasn’t about money.

“To make sure that in your bid to redeem yourself, Hunter isn’t once again used for your benefit,” I tell him.

“You think that’s why I said what I said to him? It wasn’t to hurt him, but to make him stop wasting his time when Michael wasn’t capable of being a father,” David says as if to make it sound like it’s an act of kindness to Michael’s kids to make them feel unwanted.

“I have a few theories on why you didn’t want Jenny or Hunter around. One is that next to Michael’s children, excusing your son’s behavior was harder to do. Two was that having to see that you weren’t half the father the people you looked down on were. The last one is that neither of Michael’s kids traded in your currency. They didn’t kiss your ass or allow you to buy them the way you did with their father, and likely your own son. Just like I think your edict that Jenny couldn’t be around Gus was something you couldn’t admit to yourself and caused the current problem you’ll be facing when you divorce Michael.” I tell him.

“What?” He asks, not denying I was right.

“If she had access to Gus, you knew it gave Michael potential access to Brian. What didn’t make sense to me is why you were worried?” I ask.

“I wasn’t,” David tells me.

“Everything you did tells me you were,” I tell him, getting up and leaving.

DEB

Carl went with Jenny when Mel called asking Jenny to meet with her at her lawyer’s office. I stayed behind, planning to call Jennifer about Michael’s latest round of stupidity. It was hard not to wish he really had lost his mind since it would explain so much about my son’s problems. I stared at my phone, dreading making the call. So when someone knocked at my door, it was a relief to put it off. I opened the door to one of the last people I expected to show up at my house.

“Hi, um… look, I know I’ve been a shit to Jenny, but could I talk to her?” Hank asks, fidgeting and pretty much high as a kite.

“She’s not here. But you look like you need someone to talk to. How about we go to the kitchen and you can tell me why you want to see Jenny,” I say, opening the door and waving him in.

For once he didn’t act like his father and look down on my house. Hank wandered around, looking at all the pictures on my shelves, not being able to stand still, which reminded me of Ted during his crystal days. I walked over when he stared at a picture of Brian and Justin which Michael hated that I wouldn’t get rid of after what happened with Gus and Justin.

“How did Michael not see it?” Hank asks, sounding agitated.

“My son was always willing to ignore anything that didn’t fit what he wanted. He still hasn’t figured out that if it hadn’t been Justin, it still wouldn’t have been Michael,” I tell him.

“I did something I shouldn’t have. I thought it would show Michael what that picture didn’t,” Hank tells me, pacing around as if he was coming down.

“What?” I asked.

“My dad kept a file on Brian and Justin. He had it updated to keep tabs on Brian more than Justin. I gave it to Michael to rub it in his face, only he made it sound like it was his way back into Brian’s life,” Hank tells me.

“In what way?” I ask.

“He made it sound like Lindsay and Justin used the kid to get Brian away from Michael. Like the only reason Brian would be with Justin was out of pity,” Hank tells me, following me to the kitchen and only sitting down when I pointed at the chair. He barely glanced at the plate, just hugging himself scratching at his skin.

“Did the file contain anything about Lindsay and her condition?” I ask.

“Not a lot. I mean the detective did manage to find out why she was there, but nothing about her treatment. He got the information from a janitor who works there,” he muttered, having a hard time focusing.

“I’ll pass that along since no one should be giving out her information. I just need to know if the file contained where Brian and Justin live?” I ask.

“I took that out. I might have wanted to smear it in Michael’s face, but I didn’t want to end up causing Brian and Justin problems,” Hank tells me.

“They’ll be happy to hear that,” I tell him.

Hank started to get up, only to have me stop him and push the plate he hadn’t touched. “You need to sit down and eat, then we need to talk about what’s going on with you,” I tell him.

“Do you really care?” Hank asks me.

“I really do. I hate to see someone ruin their life,” I tell him.

“It’s already pretty much ruined. I doubt anything could fix it anymore,” He tells me.

“Nothing is ever completely ruined, just dented,” I tell him, thinking about Brian, Ted, and Emmett.

“I sort of perfected being the family blacksheep. Which is something my family never lets me forget,” Hank tells me.

“Sounds like you could use a better family. I have an opening in mine if you think you could lower your standards,” I joke, only to have Hank wince at the way he acted about me and Carl, in the past. “All you have to do is let us help you. Which means I need you to be honest, how long have you been doing crystal?” 

“How do you know?” He asks, not denying it.

“I just do. If you want help I have someone who will be happy to show you things can change if you want them to. You have more to gain than lose if you get better.” I tell him, waiting until he agreed to call Blake.

“Yeah. It’s not like anything I do would be right to my father and grandfather, since everything wrong in my life they blame on my mother’s inferior blood,” He tells me.

TED

I left Brian to talk to one of the new clients and went to help Jennifer. Jennifer was calling the resorts that Cynthia made a list of that could accommodate the wedding. She hung up only to answer her phone, mouthing Deb to me, as she slid the information I’d need to pay for everything over to me. Jennifer asked Deb to repeat what she was telling her to me and put the phone on speaker. 

“Do you think Hank is serious about getting help?” I ask, ignoring Michael’s newest low.

“I called the grandfather, who acted more upset that I knew his grandson was doing drugs, not that he was doing them. He berated Hank for airing his dirty laundry and blamed me and Michael for everything wrong with his family. He let Hank know that he’d disown him if he embarrassed the family name again. Hank hung up on the man while he was ranting and told me he’d rather be disowned, since being a Cameron no longer mattered to him,” Deb tells us.

“What are you going to do about Michael?” Jennifer asks.

“Nothing. I’ll let him continue to make a fool of himself,” Deb tells us.

“Michael is going to play this for all he's worth,” I tell her.

“Why not give him what he wants?” Jennifer tells us.

“He wants Brian to show up,” Deb tells her.

“Which wouldn’t happen even if Michael was really crazy,” Brian tells us, standing in the doorway.

“He is when you think about it. He didn’t see you changing your number, or blocking him from the loft, Babylon, and Kinnetik as you cutting him out of your life. He’s convinced himself it wasn’t him, but Justin and Lindsay being the reasons you haven’t come back,” I point out.

“I think we should play along,” Jennifer says, looking to Brian.

“Why?” Brian asks her.

“Jenny,” Jennifer said, as Brian seems to get where she is going.

“What about Jenny?” Both Deb and I ask at the same time.

“If Michael isn’t considered stable, Gus and Ian could make it so Michael can’t just show up when they get custody. It would help them with Mel since the only person she might be able to use to prove anything would be Michael,” Jennifer tells us.

“Only if Michael keeps up the bullshit,” I point out.

“Which means…” Jennifer says looking at Brian.

Brian thought it over, before nodding at Jennifer. “We have a wedding to get off the ground, while I show Michael that Justin was always more important.”

MEL

I almost wanted to thank Deb for making it so I don’t have to deal with Jenny. I woke up without having to deal with Jenny treating me like I ruined her life. I wasn’t worried when I still hadn’t heard from Harry. I figured he was already busy getting everything set up, since I needed to do this before David left Michael destitute, and likely weaseled his way out of paying a dime for Jenny. I’d been avoiding all of Michael’s calls, which started after I saw the video of Michael screwing himself and me. It made me impatient to get things started with Harry. I called and left a message telling Harry to call me as soon as he could. I still hadn’t heard from Harry a couple of hours later. I figured Harry’s reluctance came from me hitting Jenny. If Jenny wanted to continue on her honesty streak then she could tell Harry in person, and I could get this settled with Michael and David before Gus had a chance to get involved. I sat there reading the paper, not letting it get to me that Harry was treating me less like an old friend by leaving me sitting with others in the waiting room, waiting for their lawyers.  

Harry came out and I got up without being called. When Jenny and Carl walked in, Harry looked at me for an explanation since he didn’t know what I planned. “I thought it was best we talk about anything you might be worried about and my daughter should back up her claim about being honest.”

“Mel, I want to speak to you alone,” Harry says, looking uncomfortable.  

I picked up my phone, shaking it, to signal a call would have been good. “I called and left you a message an hour ago.” He told me. So I proceeded to look at my log as if to verify he did, only to find a missed call between all of Michael’s.

“I must have missed it, but since we’re here, I thought we should clear up any issues you might have reservations about,” I told him.

“That’s something you and Jenny should do. But only after you and I talk alone,” He tells me, giving up and letting us into his outer office, which he should have done in the first place.

“Jenny, I have some good news that you should consider,” I say, stopping Harry before he could say anything to me. “We don’t have to move to my parent’s house. Instead, I’m willing to do what you want and live here. It doesn’t mean you can run off to Deb and Carl’s when we disagree, but you have to agree I’m doing what you wanted,” I tell her.

“What’s in it for you?” Jenny asks.

“I don’t understand, I’m only thinking of you,” I say, trying not to snap at her questioning me.

“I’d appreciate it if you handle this somewhere else,” Harry tells me.

“I know hurting Jenny was wrong, but my daughter will tell you it’s not something I’ve ever done before,” I tell him, ignoring him.

“Is that what you want?” Jenny asks, before turning to Harry. “My mother is correct. She’s never laid a hand on me. What’s also correct is that I don’t feel either of my parents would understand what’s best for anyone, including me, and I want nothing to do with either of them. Which is what I plan to tell anyone who will listen to me. I believe my mother is only interested in keeping custody of me because she needs the money my father and his husband provide now that she can’t find a job, due to her screwing over one of her clients. In case she gets my sperm donor to lie for her, his only interest is in Brian Kinney, not me,” Jenny tells him, pissing me off.

“This is Gus encouraging you to do this. He needs to see I only did what I thought was best when Lindsay left me to raise you and Gus,” I say since Harry suggested it yesterday.

“You want a medal for having to take care of the kids you decided you wanted to have?” Carl snorted.

“What I think is that you just proved to my lawyer why I don’t like the influence you have on Jenny. She knows she can get away with anything with you and Gus, which makes me the bad guy in her eyes for expecting she live with rules,” I tell him.

“About that…” Harry didn’t get to finish since I wasn’t done.

“I was willing to allow us to live here, but I’m starting to see we’d be better off living somewhere else, to keep the bad influences out of her life permanently,” I say, warning Jenny.

“Bad influences? Which one? Before you answer that, how about I explain why you think Gus is a bad influence, or how about that Lindsay only left after she wouldn’t kill the kid she chose over us. In case my mother tried to make it sound like Lindsay was the bad guy, she only left us when she could no longer take my mother and father torturing her. My mother spent all Gus’s and my life telling us our other mother abandoned us, and therefore didn’t love us as much as the kid she betrayed my mother by getting pregnant with. What she probably omitted, or, let’s just call it what it is, lied about, is that Lindsay ended up in a psychiatric hospital and has spent the last fourteen years there trying to get better. She also might see Justin as a bad influence since he took Lindsay to get her the help she desperately needed, and likely Brian Kinney because she’s never been able to feel superior to him, and hates that without him Gus wouldn’t have become the great brother who loves me. The only bad influences in my life right now are my parents. I shouldn’t have to feel like I’m only lovable to them as long as they get something for it,” Jenny tells him.

“I can see why you would feel that way, and hope things work out for you. If you’ll excuse Mel and me, we have some things to discuss,” Harry says, walking into his office.

Jenny and Carl left before I could say anything to downplay Jenny’s speech. I took a breath, calming myself before going to find out what Harry wanted. He sat behind his desk, making it a point to say this wasn’t going to be a friendly discussion. I sat thinking of how to make what Jenny said not sound like I was some villain. 

“Was anything she said about Lindsay the truth?” Harry asks me.

“Why does it matter… Lindsay was the one who cheated, and I wasn’t going to pretend what she did wasn’t her fucking up our lives. I thought it was better for the kids to go on since they didn’t need to have to take care of her when she left them. Gus and Jenny will both admit the truth, that while I wasn’t perfect, I never intentionally hurt them,” I tell him.

“The truth is why I decided against taking your case,” Harry tells me.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I told you that in order for me to help you, you had to be straight with me. Instead, after checking up on a few things…” 

I cut him off. “I expected you to trust me,” angry that once again I couldn’t make a fucking mistake without paying for it, unlike the asshole, who has made hundreds and never paid for any of them.

“Which was fortunate I did and always have believed in verifying what I’m told, before ending up with egg on my face. Something that, as a lawyer, I expected you to understand. I don’t feel I could represent someone willing to lie to me, even if it wouldn’t have affected the case you wanted me to help you with,” Harry tells me.

“So they want to make me pay, using my daughter to punish me with. I never thought you’d end up being a coward,” I tell him.

“I couldn’t care less if they threatened me, which they didn’t do, just gave me a friendly warning of what you would do if I thought to rehire you. What you don’t get is that I would still have taken the case, if you’d been honest with me. Which you can’t seem to be, even when you know it would be to your benefit to tell me everything. You can file for the child support on your own, and likely will win… but I doubt you’ll see the money if Gabriel informs the court he’s representing Gus in a suit against you for custody of Jenny,” he tells me.

“That bastard… He’s the one who mentioned I could sue for support. He wanted me to come here so I’d be fighting both of them at the same time. I need you to help me, for old times sake,” I tell Harry.

“I just don’t feel our past friendship is worth anything. Since you didn’t, by not trusting me with the truth.” He tells me. 

Mark held me tighter, reminding me that he and Hunter were there to support me. We’d been sent an invitation to the show from Justin, but also invited to the dinner at Brian and Justin’s house, by Emmett. I felt like I was about to be judged for being a hypocrite, for sitting back when I could have helped another human being. It made me want to turn around and go home. 

“Ben, you’re making this worse than it probably is,” Mark tells me, letting me go and getting out of the car.

I watched as the kid who must be Patrick walked over to Mark, shook his hand and waved him in the door. Hunter got out, leaving me sitting there still acting like someone was going to shoot me if I got out of the car. Gus and Hunter were standing there talking like long lost brothers, and Patrick looked at me, as if curious to why I was still sitting in the car. He came over and opened my door.

“No one’s going to bite you,” He says, and offers me a hand out of the car.

“I’d deserve it if they wanted to,” I joke.

“There are only three people on this family's hit list, and you aren’t one of them,” Patrick tells me.

“Are you waiting for an engraved invitation?” Brian asks sarcastically.

“Da, Nana said to be nice,” Patrick says, shaking his head.

“Yes Son, but since you’re the one complaining about eating, I figured I’d get Ben to stop acting like he walking to his execution instead of dinner with the family,” Brian tells him.

“He thinks you guys are going to bite him,” Patrick announces, running into the house.

“I only bite Justin,” Brian smirks.

“I guess so since apparently he agreed to finally put a ring on it,” Emmett jokes, dragging me into the house.

“Hello Ben, glad you could make it,” Ted says as I walk in behind Emmett and Brian.

“Where did Mark and Hunter go?” I ask when they weren’t in the kitchen.

“Justin invited Mark and Hunter to see his studio when Mark told Justin that he is one of his favorite artists,” Ted says, grabbing a tray and walking out the door.

“I decided to grill out since it’s a perfect night, and apparently I’d be the favorite for giving in to Patrick and Taylor,” Emmett comments, as Drew comes in from the back.

“I didn’t know you two were back together,” I say, curious since I’d followed Drew’s career and there wasn’t any mention of Emmett again.

“We just reconnected recently,” Drew answers. 

“Then proceeded at warp speed to meeting the family and giving notice to your landlord,” Ted teased Emmett.

“I just don’t see the point in wasting more time. Why fight when you know you’re with the right person,” Emmett says, teasing Ted right back.

“It’s why I couldn’t stay with Michael, after meeting Mark,” I say, not willing to deny the truth.

“No one of faults you for leaving him. You stayed longer than anyone in their right mind would have,” Gus says, coming in the backdoor. “Taylor and Patrick are threatening to eat everything if you guys don’t hurry,” He jokes.

Mark and Hunter came back with Justin, all laughing and making me relax finally and realize that my fear was unwarranted. They didn’t expect me to wear a hairshirt, instead, they were all willing to let the past go and start again with me. I was introduced to Ian and Taylor, as we all walked outside where Jen was swatting at Patrick’s attempt to nibble on the food.

“I can’t excuse that you didn’t help Lindsay when she needed it, but we all made mistakes at one time or another,” Brian tells me.

“How is she?” I ask after we all sat down.

“She has good days and bad, right now it seems more good than bad for her,” Gus tells me.

“She wants to see you again, Patrick,” Ian mentions.

“I can go tomorrow since it’s one of my off days,” Patrick shrugs.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Brian asks Patrick.

“Yeah. It’s still weird right now,” Patrick tells him, confusing Mark, Hunter, and me. “I just don’t see her as my mother, since she hasn’t been all my life. I mean, she’s nice, but I’m happy with just my dads,” he explains.

“I get it, I don’t need my birth mother or Michael, Mark and Ben are enough for me,” Hunter tells him.

“I hate to ask, and possibly ruin the good mood, but is David or Michael going to cause problems with Hunter?” Mark asks since we’d been contacted by Gabriel.

“If he does, then he’ll find out the Cameron name doesn’t mean anything in Pittsburgh. From what it sounds like, David’s father is still dealing with issues in their hometown in Portland. The other prominent families closed ranks, trying to save their kids by making David’s son Hank the fall guy for all of them. It’s why David moved back to Pittsburgh, in hopes of getting back in the circles he felt should welcome him. Which they did, until Michael’s little display. I made a point to explain that Hunter didn’t choose the life David and Michael made it sound like was a choice for him, but he did it to survive until he was given a way out. Which he took and has done very well for himself, regardless of what David and Michael thought was all he was good for,” Jen says, rolling her eyes.

“David isn’t going to get anyone to go against Mother Taylor,” Brian comments, kissing her cheek.

“Even if they did, I’m not ashamed of it,” Hunter tells everyone.

“None of us think you should be, but you don’t deserve to have it dredged up and turned into something it wasn’t. Which is what David pretty much told Gabriel he wanted to do,” Justin tells him.

“If he does, it’s not like I could prove they said anything,” Hunter tells us.

“No. But it doesn’t mean he or Michael should get away with saying it, or try to smear you to save themselves. Which David might have been able to get away with, without having our family support you,” Brian tells him.

“We would have protected Hunter,” I point out.

“While I'm sure you both will; when things like this happen, having people like Jennifer or Brian supporting Hunter, changes the game. People that matter to David are going to follow the lead of people whose opinions matter in their circles. Brian’s opinion does because he makes them richer, Jen’s because she’s navigated these waters successfully all her life. David doesn’t care what people he doesn’t see as his equals think since his only concern is people he deems are people who could make or break him in the world he wants to stay in,” Ted tells me.

“I hate to say it, but he’s right. When I announced to the world I was gay, if my coach and team had supported me things would have been easier. It sometimes really is about who you know, more then what you can prove,” Drew tells us.

“Which is the point of this family, to protect our own,” Brian says to Hunter.

For once, I felt like I was inside the circle of this group of men, which I never felt when I was with Michael. At the show we all ended up having a great time as Justin showed off the new artist, letting her shine instead of taking the spotlight that always seems to be on him. 

MEL

After seeing the paper with all the pictures of Justin’s show, I figured it was why Michael demanded I meet him, or he’d make sure Jenny got what she wanted. I agreed to meet him at his house, knowing the paperwork was going to be served at his house and not wanting him to miss signing for them. I checked to see if Gabriel filed anything, and was relieved to hear he hadn’t. I still needed to find someone to represent me, since only an idiot would represent themselves. Hopefully, the attorney I called would take me on, since she wasn’t exactly swimming in clients, which was made pretty apparent when I was told anytime was good for her.

Michael answered the door, looking like he’d barely slept. He left me at the door and wandered to the living room, which looked like a hurricane hit it.

“Why didn’t you tell me Justin took Lindsay’s kid?” Michael asks.

“Why would I care? The kid became Justin’s problem, not mine,” I tell him.

“Oh yeah, I forgot it has to be all about you, it didn’t matter that it ruined my life. Well, you better care if you expect me to help you now,” Michael sneers at me. 

“How can you help me? From what I saw you’re about to be out in the cold. Not only did you fuck up what David gave you, but now no one on Liberty Avenue is going to welcome you either,” I tell him.

“They will when I have Brian supporting me,” Michael says as if that would ever happen.

“Michael, when are you going to get a clue, he never wanted you. Which he proved when he banned you from his life. How many more doors does he have to shut for you to figure it out? He’s done giving in to your childish wishes,” I say, needing him not let his fantasy world cause problems if Gus tries to take Jenny from me. I didn’t need Michael using it as a way to Brian, as Jenny said.

“It wouldn’t have happened if Lindsay and Justin didn’t use that kid to get Brian to go back to Justin,” Michael says, looking at the paper with Brian and Justin kissing for the camera, after announcing once again that they are getting married.

“Seriously? You think Brian kicked you out because Justin and Lindsay somehow plotted the whole thing just to take Brian away from you?” I ask, almost wanting to apologize to Jenny for picking this idiot to be her father.

“It doesn’t matter because I know how to fix it now. I just need you to help me,” Michael says like I don’t have enough problems to deal with.

“What I need is for you to make sure Jenny stays with me. After that, I honestly don’t care if you make an idiot out of yourself. Which you did by losing David, who was willing to support your ass, unlike Brian, who left you to fend for yourself while moving back to Justin,” I tell him.

“After reading this, I don’t see it that way,” Michael says, throwing a file at me.

I skimmed most of it, not wanting to read all about Brian’s constant successes. The little bit about Lindsay, I couldn’t let bother me, since she was the one who betrayed me. I had to give it to David, the detective broke some laws getting information on Patrick’s adoption. But nothing gave me a clue as to why Michael thought it mattered and would get Brian back. “I don’t understand why you think any of this would change things with Brian for you,” I tell him.

“Because none of you really know Brian the way I do. All of you believed Brian kept Justin around because he loved him. I knew the truth, and so did Justin. Brian only stayed with Justin for years because he felt responsible for the asshole getting hurt. I hate to admit it but Lindsay was always better at getting Brian to listen to her, and manipulate him into doing what she wanted. Lindsay hated me for years because I made sure Brian knew she was only using him for anything she could get her greedy little hands on, and it worked, since she had Justin there to help her force Brian to once again go back to him. Because Justin couldn’t have afforded a kid unless Brian was there to finance his ass,” Michael tells me.

“I give up. Explain to me why you think Brian would come back to you when all he seems to be doing is planning to marry Justin?” I ask.

“I’m going to play Lindsay’s little game, and make it so Brian admits he’s making a mistake with Justin when he has to help me,” Michael says, still leaving me confused and worried that his idiotic plan would somehow backfire on me.

“You are planning on making everyone think you’re crazy?” I had to ask, hoping I was wrong.

“No. Just that I can’t remember anything past the night Gus was born. That way, Justin can’t be around, and I have time to stop Brian from making the biggest mistake of his life,” Michael tells me.

“Michael, we need to make sure Jenny stays with me. Which means you pretending to be crazy won’t work,” I tell him.

“After Brian and I are together, I’ll make sure you keep Jenny. I wouldn’t want to leave you without a way to pay for your life through our daughter,” he said, shoving the letter informing him I was suing for a change in the child support, at me.

“I have a right to have it assessed Michael, what you were required to pay was ridiculous when you could afford to help out more after combining your finances with David’s. Which we need to talk about, since it looks like David left you,” I tell him.

“He did. While letting me know we were going to lose everything since his boss fired his ass. He even managed to get the money I took from our accounts back after I’d transferred it into my own account to make sure he couldn’t screw me,” Michael tells me.

“He did it to his ex-wife too. Letting his income drop drastically so he didn’t have to pay her what she should have gotten,” I tell him.

“Did you not hear the part about him losing his job? So yeah, his income dropped, as in he doesn’t have one,” Michael says like I’m the idiot in the room.  

“I heard, but what you don’t understand is that David isn’t going to want to support you when he gets nothing in return for it. He might have lost his job, but the money didn’t disappear overnight because of it. David is hoping that, as usual, you’ll believe anything you’re told, and he gets to walk away without having to support you, even though he made you dependent on him. The last thing you need is for everyone to think you’re crazy, if we’re going to make David do his duty to you,” I say, hoping to get through to him.

“I’ll have Brian. So I don’t need to waste my time fighting with David,” Michael says, making me think he didn’t have to pretend to be crazy, he already was, on top of being delusional.

I just couldn’t deal with him any longer and left before I ended up killing him for not getting that what I wanted needed to be more important. I couldn’t let Jenny get what she wanted. Not just because of the money, it was knowing that Jenny would end up spoiled the way Gus was by Brian. It’s the only reason Gus acts as if what I did was worse than Brian. Because once again Brian is always forgiven for his mistakes because he refuses to rein in his child. 

GUS

Justin slept in, saying he’d see my mom later after we all visited. Ian thought maybe Justin was backing off since my mom didn’t need him to protect her from the world. It made me think about how hard it must have been for Justin with everything else he was dealing with.

“How did Justin do it? Take care of everything while trying to make a name for himself in the art world?” I asked my dad.

“It’s just something he’s always done- taken on more than most people could. Justin worked at the diner, did the comic, and babysat you while going to college. It’s why I fought him over keeping Patrick- because I’d seen him almost kill himself trying to do too much. I’m just glad he once again did what he wanted instead of listening to me,” Dad tells me, hugging Patrick.

“Love you too Da,” Patrick says, as we walked to my mom.

“Did you enjoy the show?” She asks me and Patrick.

“They get kind of boring for me,” Patrick tells her.

“Why? Justin’s work is always breathtaking,” She says as if she didn’t understand how Patrick viewed it as boring.

“Patrick’s interest didn’t go in that direction,” Dad tells her.

“I remember Justin saying Patrick liked sports,” She tells my dad.

“Loves would be a better word for it,” I tell her.

“I didn’t mean I don’t like his art. I just don’t like having to stand around while people analyze it to death. Everyone at the shows acts like they have to find some hidden meaning in every brushstroke, instead of just enjoying his work. I just don’t see the point in talking things to death,” Patrick tells her.

“Patrick and I laughed at some of the crap they came up with,” I tell her.

“What sports do you like?” She asks Patrick.

“I like trying to kill my dads if you ask them. But pretty much anything as long as it doesn’t involve sitting for more than a few minutes,” Patrick tells her.

“Patrick runs us ragged going from one sport to another, he’s a bit of a daredevil,” Dad tells her.

“They record my stuff if you want to see it,” Patrick tells her.

“I’d like that,” She tells him. “How’s Jenny?” She asks me.

“She’s staying with Deb right now. There have been a few problems with Mel,” I tell her.

“I should have talked her out of having Jenny, especially when it seemed more like she was doing it because she needed to prove something, than because she wanted to have a baby,” She tells me.

“Both she and Michael were more interested in getting pregnant, not the end result,” Dad comments.

“It’s the only thing either of them ever did right in my eyes because it gave me another sister,” Ian tells her.

“You don’t like Mel?” Lindsay asked Ian, thrilling me that she wasn’t resorting to coping methods to talk to all of us.

“I’m sort of in Justin’s camp. I don’t have any use for her. I don’t waste my time on people who are unable to learn and grow from their mistakes. I like it less when instead of facing up to their mistakes, they play the blame game. Which for Mel seems to center around Brian. It’s like she needs Brian to be the reason her life isn’t perfect. I’m sort of puzzled about the mess that is Michael Novotny. He lives in the land of denial where Brian is concerned,” Ian tells her.

My mom bit her lip, then started laughing, looking at my dad. It was weird when he seemed to understand why she was laughing without her telling him. It said a lot about the difference in his relationships with my mom and Justin versus the one he had with Michael. Dad had to spell out everything then explain it over and over again when it came to Michael, but with my mom and Justin, it’s like they were all on the same wavelength. 

“What?” Patrick asks, confused.

“It’s just…” She had to stop, trying to catch her breath. “It’s just, Michael would probably ask where denial was, thinking it was where to find Brian.” She finished, laughing in the carefree way I once remembered.

JUSTIN

After finally getting up, still tired from Brian thinking we needed to celebrate late into the night, I made my way to my agent’s office. He offered to deal with the invitations to the wedding and also wanted to talk about my next show, so we planned to meet this afternoon. Paul knew better than to expect me at what Brian jokes was a reasonable hour to the rest of the world.

Paul was standing outside his office when I came in, not looking like his usual happy self when the shows went well. Which didn’t make any sense, since it went better than we expected, not just for me, but for the artist he asked me to promote. I looked over at Anna, his PA, for a clue. She just looked as if she owed me an apology.

“If you turn the guy down, I’ll kiss you,” He tells me.

“What are you talking about?” I ask.

“This older gentleman- and I use the term gentleman since the other words I’d like to use show my lack of breeding, as he told me... showed up here, demanding I call you. I told him I could make an appointment, but as of right now you weren’t planning to do any commissions, and that you really don’t jump just because someone thinks they can summon you to do their bidding. He didn’t take it well and told me I obviously didn’t know who he was, which I agreed, then left him to huff and puff as he stomped out the door. Anna mistakenly told him you’d be in this afternoon when I was out getting coffee. I’ve spent the rest of the day until now having the guy show up every half hour, insisting on seeing you. The guy wouldn’t even give his name, just said he expected you to see him,” He tells me, exasperated.

“He acted like we should feel privileged to be in his presence,” Anna added, rolling her eyes.

“Damn it, here he comes again. I really wanted to piss him off by saying he missed you,” Paul says, as I turned and didn’t recognize the older man walking in.

“I need to speak with you in private,” He says, ignoring everyone but me.

“I’m not planning on taking on any work, so you’ve wasted a lot of time just to be told no,” I say, waiting for the guy to at least introduce himself.

“I have a private matter that you and I will talk about,” He demands as if he expects me to just give in.

“Since I don’t have a clue who you are, I don’t see any reason we need to talk,” I tell him, not moving away from Paul to give him the privacy he obviously expected.

“Could we at least speak somewhere else?” He grits out.

“After you tell me who you are and why I should waste my time with you,” I said, earning a snicker from Paul and a pinched-off look on the old guy’s face.

“Lucas Cameron. Now can we please talk in private,” He says, sounding like it hurt to have to say please. 

It took my tired brain a second and really looking at him, to figure out who he was. “I’ll give you five minutes to give me a reason to listen any longer,” I say, waving him into Paul’s office. I shook my head when Paul looked at me to see if he should come.

“It’s hard for me to believe you could be raised in our society with your manners,” Lucas chastises me. 

“I stopped giving a shit what our society thought the day they condoned someone swinging a bat at my head and turned my attacker into a victim. You’ve wasted a minute,” I tell him.

“I came here because I’m concerned about the situations that my son and grandson are in. I can see you’re already assuming as to why I came here, but it’s not to get my son out of the situation he got himself into by not heeding my words when he married the man-child, Michael Novotny,” He tells me, sounding like he wished he’d never heard of Michael.

“What are you here for?” I ask.

“I spent my life wanting our family name to be respected, something I know you don’t care about, but for me it’s important. I might have… I know, I made a mistake in how I handled the situation with Hank and that woman Deb Novotny… but I do care about him,” He tells me, not trying to mask his shame.

“What do you think I could do to help? From what Deb told me, part of the problem with Hank is never feeling like he was good enough for the vaulted family name. It’s something I still can’t forgive my father for- being more concerned about how people would view him because I dared to color outside the lines of the expectations of being Craig Taylor’s son,” I tell him.

“I approached your father when your mother didn’t return my calls. I attempted to talk to Deb Novotny, which didn’t go well. My pride, you see. I didn’t like her telling me where I went wrong, or making it sound as if our parenting was one of the things we had in common,” he admitted.

“Why go to my father? Our relationship doesn’t exist, which is something I’ve never made any secret of.” I ask.

“I wrongly assumed he could help me get your family to speak to me, and saw how bleak my relationship with my grandson will be. I know it’s my fault for constantly blaming Hank’s mother’s family, and acting as if none of it could be my son’s or my fault for what Hank did. Instead of helping Hank, I once again let my pride get in the way. It really made me look at my actions and wonder what it said about the family name… when my grandson wasn’t even upset at me threatening to disown him,” He tells me.

“It says how little the name meant to Deb, who could only see Hank’s cry for help,” I tell him.

“I wrongly judged her based on the imbecile she raised,” He tells me.

“Which doesn’t say much for you since you raised David,” I point out.

“I guess you have me there, but as to why I came here. With your help, I’d like to try to work with Deb towards a better relationship with Hank,” He tells me.

“Why should I believe you? The way you behaved with my agent doesn’t make me want to trust you,” I ask.

“Being told no isn’t ever going to be easy for me to deal with. I’m a very old man, trying to change,” He tells me.

“I better not be sorry if I help you. But if I am, Deb will hand you your ass on a platter,” I warn him. “And what about David, are you planning to help him?” I ask.

“I might not have liked hearing my mistakes with my son, but I can’t deny that half the problem with David is he’s never had to deal with the consequences of his actions. He’s still under the mistaken impression that he can depend on me to pay his way out of trouble. Instead, it’s time to see him sink or swim, which I’m hoping Hank will do. Which reminds me, could you ask Theodore Schmidt to take my calls?” 

“For what purpose?” I ask.

“I wanted to hire him to handle the money that will be placed into a trust for Hank, until the counselor… Blake, feels Hank is ready for the responsibility,” he tells me.

“Couldn’t your own accountants do that?” I ask, curious.

“I just feel it’s best to handle this away from people who my son knows well and uses for his accounts. While they’ve always been trustworthy, I’d rather not risk my son finding out Hank will hold the reins, until it’s too late for him to do anything about it. Please tell Deb I heard her and I’m cutting the apron strings as well as David. I’m also willing to throw my support behind Hunter if my son tries to touch him,” he tells me.

“He has my mother and Brian, but I’ll let him know,” I tell him, as he gets up to leave.

“I’ll never understand David. He should have seen you as the ideal to look for instead of the dimwitted, blockheaded, dunce of a husband, my twit of a son married,” He tells me.

“How many ways can you say idiot?” I joke.

“Since my son introduced me to Michael, I’ve started a list,” he tells me.

“You’re not what I expected,”  I tell him.

“You were everything and more than I expected. Which tells me why my son hates Brian Kinney, for being better than my son could ever be, without the advantages,” he tells me.

“I’ll call Deb and tell her not to hit you with a rolling pin first,” I tell him.

Since everyone needed to be in Pittsburgh, I came with them. It felt weird because it was the first time I was able to visit Nana and not have to be careful of who we would run into. I wanted to meet Blake and was curious about Jenny’s stepbrother. The guy might have messed up his life but he tried to do the right thing by telling Grandma Deb what he knew. I figured he should at least know my family appreciated him for it. I also wanted to offer him support, since Ted told me that having someone to support him made it a little easier for him.

Blake met me at the door when I showed up. I liked him already, just because he chose to help others. According to my Da, he was the reason Ted wasn’t so glum anymore, so I planned to make sure he stuck around because I liked the happy Teddy that Emmett gushed about.

“Hank’s having a hard day, so try not to upset him,” Blake says, leading me to Hank’s room.

“I just thought he could use a visitor, nothing else,” I tell him.

 “He had a visit from his grandfather, which didn’t go well,” he tells me.

“My dad said the grandfather sounded like he was going to support Hank,” I tell him.

“He’s trying to, but Hank doesn’t trust him right now. It’s hard for him to believe his grandfather is sincere when the last conversation they had was pretty much a repeat of all the conversations they had while Hank was growing up. I really think Lucas is trying, but Hank has to believe it,” Blake tells me, knocking on the door.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Hank shouts.

“I’ll take it from here, people like me,” I joke, opening the door.

“Jesus, I just want to be left alone,” Hank says, turning away from me.

“Isn’t that half the reason you’re here, everyone left you alone, not seeing what you’d been doing?” I ask.

“They didn’t care what I did as long as the family name didn’t get tarnished by it,” Hank mutters, at least willing to talk to me.

“That had to have sucked. I mean, part of being a kid is screwing up, while the adults help make us into better people, right? Not tell us we’re ruining the family name,” I tell him, hoping he’d just keep talking and not kick my butt out.

“Yeah. I guess you didn’t come from a family where disapproval is all they pass down to you,” he tells me.

“No. I came from a family that supports each other, so I don’t understand what your life must have been like,” I tell him.

“Most people wouldn’t understand. They think because my family is rich it meant nothing could be wrong in my world,” He tells me.

“Money doesn’t make up for feeling like no one gives a crap about you. I grew up with all the same advantages, but having my dads show me they love and support me is worth more to me than what they can buy me,” I tell him.

“Your that kid… Patrick? God, I was so jealous reading about you,” He tells me.

“Why?” 

“I wanted your life, having parents who didn’t care where I came from, but just loved me,” He tells me.

“What about your mom?” I ask since no one mentioned her.

“She can’t even get her life together, and helping me isn’t really a priority to her. My dad didn’t have me with her because he thought she’d be a great mother. He did it to carry on the name my grandfather puts so much value in. Once she served her purpose, she sent me to my dad to deal with. Then, once again, my dad picked another winner to deal with me,” he tells me.

“I can see why you don’t trust anyone in that family to have your back,” I tell him.

“What’s shitty is that I still want to, but what if I’m wrong? For the first time in my life, I don’t feel like some burden they’re dealing with, but that they really care about me. Deb should hate me for the way I treated Jenny, but she doesn’t. I used to treat her the way my father did, looking down on her, but when I needed someone to really see the mess I was in, there she was, holding her hand out and willing to help me. My grandfather’s idea of help was to threaten to disown me for admitting I wasn’t a perfect Cameron... I really don’t want to talk about them right now, it just makes me want to leave and lose myself again. Tell me about your family,” he says sounding sad again.

“My father’s sperm donor is the same way, so we have nothing to do with him. He lost everyone in our family and blames it on my dad, not on the fact that he pushed them all out of his life. My Aunt Molly is the only one he talks to, thinking she’ll eventually see his point of view about my dad’s deviant lifestyle, and how it ruined her life as well as Craig Taylor’s,” I tell him, something we sort of have in common.

“What does she think?” He asks.

“She thinks he’s still living in the time of stupidity and ignorance. Nothing her father says changes that my dads were always there for her,” I tell him.

“That’s something I don’t get, how did your fathers keep it a secret from everyone for so long?” He asks.

“They moved away from everyone and just lived their lives the way they would have if it hadn’t been for so many people trying to tell them how to do it,” I tell him.

“Did it ever bother you that there were parts of Brian’s life you couldn’t be a part of?” He asks.

“Not getting to know Gus sooner. But I wasn’t exactly a fan until we finally met. I always wanted to meet the fabulous Emmett and even grumpy Teddy, but I had my dad’s family and Grandma Deb… but yeah, it sort of bothered me. Not for me, but for my Da, he was having to juggle two lives in order to be happy. Da did something he hated, lying, because he wasn’t willing to lose Gus, and he couldn’t live without my dad. So he just kept our life from the people closest to Michael. Since, while he trusted them, he wasn’t going to burden them with his secret,” I tell him.

“I just can’t imagine loving someone the way Brian did, he was willing to do anything to be with Justin,” He tells me.

“I can’t imagine being with someone unless you really love them. I don’t think you can commit to a relationship unless you really love the person your with,” I tell him.

“I’ve only seen the opposite all my life, and trust me, it only brings out the worst in the people involved,” He tells me.

“Is that what caused you to start using?” I ask, curious.

“It started with me just wanting to be cool around the kids in our circle, then it became my way of coping with my shitty home life. It got worse when my dad moved us to Pittsburgh and brought Michael back into our lives. I didn’t get why he would want Michael back when he made us all miserable when we lived in Portland. What’s still strange to me is that it was the first time my grandfather actually sounded worried about me,” He tells me.

“Knowing what I know about Michael, I could see why he would be,” I tell him.

“I guess I would trust him more if he’d done more than voice his disapproval of the situation,” He tells me.

“The same way he did when you called him?” I ask.

“I should have known better. It’s why it harder for me to believe he’s willing to support me now,” he tells me.

“I can tell you what he told my dad, if you want me to,”  I tell him.

“Why would he go to your dad?” Hank asks.

“I think he was hoping for a way around Grandma Deb. He knew he’d screwed up with you and needed all the help he could get,” I tell him.

“What did he say?” He asked, trying to act like he didn’t care.

“Let’s start with the fun parts. He charged into my dad’s agent’s office, demanding to see my dad, only to have to keep coming back all day until he caught up with him. When he did, my dad told him he had five minutes, which is what my dad says to people so they know not to waste his time,” I tell him.

“Lucas Cameron must have loved that,” Hank said, smiling a little. Win.

“He didn’t. He said something about expecting better of my father since he was raised in the same sphere. Which wasn’t something to be proud of in my family, since those same people supported the asshole who hurt my dad. Lucas surprised my dad with what he told him. He wasn’t there trying to get your dad out of trouble but worried about you and admitting he made mistakes with you. He also ended up meeting Craig Taylor and seeing where his life was headed if he didn’t change the way he treated you,” I tell him.

“I won’t live up to the name to make Lucas happy,” Hank says, looking at the door.

“I don’t care if you do. Just let me help you any way you want me to,” Lucas says, not coming into the room.

“You want me to leave?” I ask Hank.

“No. If he is telling the truth then he shouldn’t have a problem with you hearing us,” Hank says like he was testing Lucas.

“If Patrick being here is the only way you’ll let me stay, so be it,” Lucas says, sitting next to me.

“What do you want?” Hank asks him.

“To get to know you, something I doubt I do,” He admits.

“I’m everything Patrick isn’t,” Hank says as if Lucas would have approved of me.

“You’re my grandson, who I should have loved and supported the way Patrick’s fathers did for him,” Lucas corrected him.

“So now it doesn’t matter that I’m not the Cameron you deemed was important to you?” Hank asks sarcastically.

“What did you like about my dad?” I interrupt before Hank closes off completely.

Lucas looked at me, confused at the change in subject, “He understood something I didn’t until recently, that a name doesn’t make the man. He didn’t let his father’s rejection define him, and he stood up to me, something most people don’t do,” he tells us.

“He also didn’t have to worry you’d cut him out of your life for not being perfect,” Hank commented.

“Even if I could, he wouldn’t have let it change what he was doing,” Lucas tells him.

“Unlike me and my dad who always cowed to you,” Hank tells him.

“Hank, you didn’t care what I said, instead you were willing to walk away and get the help I wasn’t willing to admit you need. You did something your father still can’t do, deal with your problems without expecting caring what I thought,” Lucas tells him.

“So now I’ve earned the family name?” Hank asks.

“No. You’ve shown me that the family name doesn’t mean anything when you couldn’t count on the family behind it. It’s hard to admit I failed as a father and a grandfather, but how could I have been anything but a failure if you had to look to others for help,” Lucas tells him.

“Did he ask you to come here and help him?” Hank asks me.

“It really shows how low an opinion he has of me doesn’t it, that I would use a child,” Lucas says, looking at me.

“I’ve never talked to him before today. I just wanted to come and say thank you for trying to do the right thing even if it meant going against your family to help mine. I also think that what you’re doing, trying to straighten out your life, is really brave even when it doesn’t feel that way,” I tell him.

“Right now I’d give anything to just walk out that door and make it easier,” Hank admits.

“Everyday you don’t is what my dad likes to call Winning,” I tell him.

“I wish I had your dad,” He whispers.

“If you want, I’ll call him and ask him to come. Or we can really talk for once in your life, without you fearing what I’ll say,” Lucas offers, almost sounding desperate to do anything for Hank.

“Would he?” Hank asks me.

“Both my dads would if you need them to,” I tell him.

“Why?” Hank asks.

“Their weird like that, when it comes to people who join the family. So I have no problem sharing them with you,” I tell him.

“How about you, old man? Do you have a problem with a family who isn’t up to your standards being in my life?” Hank asks, not as belligerent as it sounded.

“I’m hoping they’ll show us how to be a family, just you and me,” Lucas tells him.

“What about my dad, aren’t you going to help bail him out?” Hank asks, shaking his head at me when I got up to leave.

“He needs to figure this out on his own. He made the mess, let him clean it up. I’m also planning to throw my support behind Hunter if your father tries anything,” Lucas tells him.

“I made sure everyone knows it’s all true since I and a couple of friends heard him and Michael saying it to Hunter Dad wanted me to be friends with certain families, you know, the ones who have no problem stabbing you in the back while pretending to be your friend. I told those friends to keep their mouths shut,” He tells us, confusing me at what that accomplished.

“So even now it’s being whispered among everyone as fact and a warning to withdraw any support,” Lucas tells me.

“I’m so glad not to have to live in your worlds,” I tell them both.

“Are you going to visit me again?” Hank asks, which I took as him wanting me to leave.

“I’m only here until my dads deal with a few things, but it doesn’t mean you and I can’t talk to each other if you want to,” I tell him.

“Or I could find a place for us close to them after you get through this. I think it’s time we both find a life that doesn’t use a name to measure our worth, don’t you?” Lucas says to Hank.

“A world where we can just be Hank and Lucas?” Hank asks.

“A world where we find out who Hank is and help him be who he wants to be,” Lucas says, like a promise.

“Sounds too much like a fairy tale right now,” Hank tells him.

“Take it one minute at a time, then one hour until you can believe for one day. After that, however long it takes, Hank. Sorry guys, but Hank needs to get to group,” Blake tells us.

“I need to go anyway, but I’d like to come back if you want me to,” Lucas tells Hank.

“I’ll show up if you need me to keep him in line,” I joke pointing to Lucas.

“I liked hearing about your family,” Hank says before walking out the door past Blake.

“Should I come back?” Lucas asks Blake.

“Only if you’re serious about helping him, otherwise you could hurt his recovery,” Blake tells him. “It was good to meet you Patrick, but I need to go,” Blake tells me, hugging me.

“What’s your day look like?” I joke as we walked out of the clinic.

“I’m about to ruin my son’s day and hopefully give your brother what he wants without having to air all Melanie Marcus’ sins to the world. And then, sit right here in the hallway every day until my grandson believes in me. What about you?” Lucas tells me.

“There’s a four-pound burger Jenny says will beat me, but I will persevere,”  I tell him, as Nana pulls up with Jenny and Grandma Deb.

BRIAN

Gus and I agreed to meet with Lucas, he had Justin believing him and I trusted Justin’s judgment in people. Justin came alone when Patrick called to let us know he’d be with Jen and Deb for the rest of the day. I suggested Kinnetik’s conference room since I planned to check on the guy we were going to hire to run the office here. 

Gus and Justin went to talk to Murph until Lucas got here. I went to my office and started answering emails, which were mostly confirmations to attend the wedding, which Emmett assured us would be organized in time. I waited for him to spaz out when I told him he only had three weeks, which was the night Justin and I met each other, and Gus’ birthday. Justin tossed to combine the wedding and birthday, and invited Ian’s family, who offered to help Emmett. Emmett still wanted to enlist Darren to help, wanting to keep their business as a partnership.

“He’s here, I put him in the conference room,” Cynthia says, not moving out of my way.

“Anything pressing we need to discuss?” I ask her.

“No. I just like seeing you without the weight of the world on your shoulders,” she tells me, moving.

“You’re just jealous I got Justin,” I joke.

“While I love Justin to pieces, falling for a gay guy isn’t my cup of tea, something you taught me years ago,” she jokes.

“If it could have been, I would have been honored if it had been you,” I tell her.

“I’d have killed you the first week and then we wouldn’t have shown the world what three people could do in the world of advertising,” she says, kissing my cheek before wandering off.

“You know I could see that, and weirdly enough it didn’t make my dick shrivel,” Justin says seriously as Gus nods before they both laugh.

All the laughing stopped when David and Mel walking into my building. It left me debating if the old guy managed to fool Justin. Lucas came up to me before I could throw them out.

“I’m hoping to help you deal with all the problems at once. I know you have every reason to doubt me, but my intentions are to help you get what you want. I feel like I owe it to your family when your son made it so my grandson didn’t throw me out of the room today,” he tells me.

“You owe me or my family nothing, it’s not how we operate,” I tell him, as Gabriel came in behind them.

“I called him since I hope to help your other son too,” he tells me.

I went into the conference room, leaving Lucas to deal with Mel bitching at why she was summoned here. David came in glaring at me but sat down when Lucas told him to, like a good little boy. I could see Mel’s anger that I sat at the head of the table while Justin and Gus flanked me. She chose the seat opposite from me as if we were in some sort of power play. 

“What, nothing to say to me, Justin?” She taunts more than asks.

“What is there left to say, other than you turned out to be a disappointment as a human being. I won’t apologize for doing what I thought was right, just like you won’t for doing the shit you did,” Justin told her.

“I would think you would understand what it’s like when someone betrays their commitment to you,” She says, looking at me.

“I can understand how much it hurts when it happens, but not how you chose to deal with it. I can’t, because I would never hurt someone I love for any reason, even when what they did hurt me. I also couldn’t be friends with someone who would do what you and Michael did to anyone, regardless of the reason,” Justin tells her.

“Yet you stayed with someone who only kept you around as a guarantee his bed would be filled every night,” Mel tells him.

“It’s weird how you sound like Mel but I could swear it was Michael talking,” Justin snorts.

“Could we get to why you wanted me here, Father,” David interrupts.

“Yes. I’d like to know also, since I don’t understand the reason Brian, Justin, and Gabriel are here,” Mel says, looking at Lucas.

“They’re here because this concerns them too. I’ll start with you Mel, you’re suing David and Michael for more child support…”

“Why the hell should I have to pay even more for a bra… a kid I didn’t ask for, or want,” David interrupts.

“When you married Michael and turned him into a housewife, completely dependent on you, you also changed his income, which Jenny should benefit from,” Mel tells him.

“Which only matters to you now because you fucked up your career by forgetting that your loyalty should be to your clients. Why don’t you just admit that for you it’s all about using that kid to pay for your life.” David sneers at her.

“ENOUGH. I don’t care if you two squabble all day, it doesn’t change that everything she says is true. You married the putz and the responsibilities that came with him. The last thing you need right now is having people hear that you treated another stepchild badly,” Lucas tells him.

“I have the figures so we can be done with what you owe… Jenny,” Mel says smugly.

“I’ll get you the information for the firm that will handle the money David WILL put into an account for your daughter,” Lucas tells her.

“What am I supposed to do, jump through hoops when I need the money? I don’t think so. I won’t play the game David played with me, again,” Mel tells him.

“No games Melanie. As long as the money is used for Jenny’s welfare, it’s available. You wouldn’t want anyone to think what David said was true, that you’re using your daughter for money,” Lucas tells her.

“Fighting for the right to keep my daughter, is for her. In order to do that I have to have a place for us to live and prove I can take care of her. That takes using the money David and Michael owe us, ” Mel tells him.

“Why are you fighting when right now you need to figure out your life? All you’ve done lately is make Jenny miserable and feel like there’s something wrong with her,” Gus asks.

“So I’m the bad guy, even though I’m not the only one who lied to you?” Mel questions.

“I’m not trying to get custody of Jenny to punish you but because right now I don’t think you have Jenny’s best interest at heart. I don’t trust you after what you did at Deb’s house,” Gus tells her.

“I’ve never laid a hand on you or her before,” Mel tells him.

“It doesn’t change that you did,” I tell her.

“Mel, you know me and you know what I can and will do to help my clients. You can do what Jenny needs right now, or be ready to defend everything you’ve ever done,” Gabriel tells her.

“I’ll drag Brian into the mud with me,” Mel tells him, confusing Gabriel.

“I’m not sure how that would help your case but go for it,” I tell her, as she seems to realize what she said didn’t make any sense.

“I’ll need the contact information and to be called once the money is available,” Mel tells Lucas, not wanting to acknowledge her issue is really about me.

“Do you want to know why I still can’t forgive you?” Gus asks.

“Why do you think I care about your issues with me since you don’t care about me,” Mel tells him.

“I would have said it differently but you said it, and yeah, that’s pretty much how I feel and so does Jenny,” He tells her. 

Gus’ words hit Mel like a slap in the face. She flinched before walking out of the room with the card from Lucas. The rest of us got up to leave Lucas and David alone, but Lucas asked me and Justin to stay. I sat down, enjoying David’s discomfort.

“I’m more disappointed in myself lately, than in you David. I indulged you and encourage you to believe you were better than anyone else because you are my son. I should have encouraged you to be a better person and a better father to Hank than I was to you. It was my mistake that you never had to work for anything, knowing you could always fall back on me when you screwed up your life. I look at those two and see what you could have been if life hadn’t been handed to you on a silver platter. I’ve already instructed the family lawyers not to help you, the way they did with your first marriage. I don’t think they should have to help when you ignored their suggestions before you married Michael. Don’t even think about trying to salvage your reputation through Hunter Bruckner, I will support him if you do,” Lucas tells him.

“What happened to the Cameron name being everything? It’s funny that you even think of comparing me to Brian Kinney, who was the whore of Pittsburgh,” David says snidely.

“Where is your son, David?” Lucas asks, confusing David with the question.

“What does that have to do with you cutting me off?” David asks.

“Answer me. Tell me where your son is and I’ll support you and help you,” Lucas counters.

“He’s probably out fucking around with his friends, like always,” David tells him.

“Brian, where is my grandson?” Lucas asks.

“He should be in his group meeting. Ted said they last for hours,” I tell him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” David asks.

“I’m talking about the reason I’m done fixing your life since it only screwed up your son’s life,” Lucas tells him.

“So you wanted to embarrass me in front of them too?” David asks.

“No, I needed them as witnesses,” Lucas says, as three men enter the room. “As of today, the only thing you inherit from our family is the trust your mother set up for you. The rest of my estate will pass by you and go to Hank with Brian and Justin overseeing it if I pass away before Hank can handle it himself. I don’t trust you with Hank’s welfare or his future when you can’t even tell me your son went into rehab this week,” Lucas tells him.

“I’ve done everything you asked of me and this is what I get,” David yells, outraged as Lucas’ lawyer’s hand Justin and me copies of his will.

“Look at it as a way to live your life the way you want to since you no longer have to please me. You’re free to marry any number of numbskulls now and you’ll never have to hear me tell you ‘I told you so’, again,” Lucas says, walking out with his lawyers, as David ran behind them saying he’ll contest this will.

“Did we agree to this?” I joke since the paperwork made us responsible for Hank.

“How about a blow job, before we let Hank know he’s family,” Justin says, sliding down under the table.

“You have the best ideas,” I say, before moaning at that sinful tongue.

Mel came in with her lawyer, Carol, without acknowledging Ian or me as she sat down. Ian and I came here earlier to meet with Gabriel and go over what to expect today. Gabriel once again reminded me not to let anything Mel might say cause me to react in any way that would have them question my suitability to parent my sister or make me sound as if this was a vendetta against Mel. Izzy stayed outside with Ben since she said she’s never been good at supporting in silence the way Gabriel told her she’d have to. The mediator waited until everyone was seated before she looked at each of us and said anything.

“Good morning, I’m Janice Richards, and this is Clark Williams with child protective services. Mr Williams is here today because there is also an emergency placement order, due to the troubling statements Jenny Marcus made yesterday. Mr Williams is here to observe as we try to find a way to work together towards an agreement concerning Jenny Marcus. He will be allowed to question you as we go forward, but only if he feels it’s pertinent to his decision. I’m not here to render a decision, but in hopes to work with both sides in reaching an agreement in the best interest of Jenny Marcus. It’s my hope that we can work out some sort of agreement between us and that Mr Williams will agree it’s in Jenny Marcus’ best interest. These are the cases I hate to see cross my desk. A parent and child sitting across from each other, not able to work together towards a common goal. In this case, the well being of Jenny Marcus, who stated yesterday that she feels living with Mr Kinney and Dr Holding is not only what she wants but what she needs at this time. By being here today, you’re both telling me you’re unwilling to work this out as a family. One of the reasons these cases bother me is knowing that what happens in this room is going to further divide the family at a time when you need to work together to help this young woman, whether or not we can find a way to work this out today. I say this because in these situations there are never any winners when a family is at odds. With that said, I want to advise everyone sitting here, you pay these two lawyers to talk for you for a reason, and both sides need to allow them to do that job. You’re here to answer questions, and hopefully, we can do together what you couldn’t accomplish as a family unit. I understand it’s human nature to want to defend yourself or your actions, but for now, it’s about listening to each other and finding a workable solution to this dilemma we’re facing. Carol, you can go first.”

“While my client understands her son’s concerns after yesterday, she doesn’t feel that separating herself from Jenny at this time would be beneficial to Jenny’s well being. Gus has very little experience at parenting, and with the issues Jenny raised yesterday, an experienced parent would be more beneficial to Jenny. She is also very confused as to the reasons Gus is questioning my her fitness, and can only assume it stems from his recent reunion with his birth mother, Lindsay Peterson. My client and Ms Peterson parted acrimoniously after Ms Peterson’s affair produced a child that my client was unwilling to raise along with the children my client and Ms Peterson agreed together to have. The relationship ended badly with Ms Peterson leaving my client to raise both children alone. My client understands how Gus might see the situation differently and took issue with the way my client kept the truth of the reason for Ms Peterson’s leaving, from him. My client felt at the time it was best for her and her children to move on with their lives, as Ms Peterson was no longer capable of being a healthy mother to Gus and Jenny and even if Mr Kinney is unwilling to acknowledge it, in essence, abandoned them. Ms Marcus didn’t want to cause further issues for the children by having them witness their mother forgetting them. Ms Peterson’s mental health had deteriorated to the point where she was placed in a psychiatric hospital, where she continues to be due to her ongoing mental health issues. She feels that right now Gus blames her and Mr Novotny, Jenny’s biological father, for his mother’s mental state and not that she felt what she was doing was best for him at the time. Ms Marcus is willing to concede that Gus had a right to know the truth about his mother from her, but he doesn’t have the right to want to hurt her or his sister because he’s angry at the deception both of his parents played a part in. Jenny shouldn’t be his way of getting even with the mother who loved and raised him. My client is willing to work with Gus, but not willing to give up custody of her daughter in order to do that. She feels Jenny is better off living with her during this time and has no problem allowing Mr Kinney to help her help Jenny Marcus. My client feels that while Mr Kinney has always been supportive of his sister, his current feeling about Ms Marcus are really why he’s taking this action. In the past, there has never been any concern about how Ms Marcus parented Jenny Marcus. ” 

Janice then nodded to Gabriel, after she finished writing down notes.

“While my client Gus Kinney willingly admits to being angry at being told all his life by Ms Marcus that Ms Peterson left them because she wanted the child she was carrying more than she wanted the children she and Ms Marcus had together. That’s not why my clients are here today. They’re here because they’re both concerned about Jenny Marcus’ welfare, both mentally and physically. Jenny Marcus needs the stability and security staying with Mr Kinney and Dr Holdings can give her. Which they don’t feel Ms Marcus, as of right now, can do for Jenny Marcus. This concern comes from Ms Marcus’ behavior of late, which is why he questions whether she can make sound decisions as to what’s best for Jenny Marcus. Her recent actions have caused Ms Marcus to lose her job, as well as her ability to find work in her chosen field of law. We understand it wouldn’t call into question her fitness as a mother, but it does call into question her character and judgement. The loss of her job was due to trying to hurt her own client in a case where the client and his ex had already agreed to all the terms. It led to her having to leave Canada in order not to face the consequences of her own actions. We further question her ability to parent when she showed up demanding that her son help her convince Jenny Marcus to pretend interest in a religion even Ms Marcus doesn’t practice, in order to live with Ms Marcus’ parents. Parents who have never approved of either of Ms Marcus’ children, due to the way they were born. Only, that wasn’t really what Ms Marcus truly wanted Gus to do. Instead, it was to make Jenny Marcus believe Gus was choosing his partner, Ian, over Jenny Marcus. Ms Marcus wanted to cause a rift between Jenny and Gus, not caring that it would hurt both of them, in order to attain her wants. Ms Marcus wanted the rift to happen because Jenny Marcus values Mr Kinney’s opinion over Ms Marcus’. Jenny Marcus depends on Gus for emotional support in a way she doesn’t feel she can get from either Ms Marcus or Mr Novotny. After sitting with the psychiatrist yesterday and listening to Jenny Marcus, it was clear to anyone in that room that breaking the bond between Gus Kinney and Jenny Marcus could be detrimental to Jenny’s mental well being. Jenny Marcus doesn’t feel that at this point in time staying with Ms Marcus is in her best interest. And, reading the report from yesterday, the doctor felt Jenny’s reasoning wasn’t teenage rebellion, but needing the emotional support she knows she can depend on from her brother and his partner. Ms Marcus’ recent behavior towards Jenny is another example of what concerns Mr Kinney and Dr Holdings. On the night Ms Marcus arrived in Pittsburgh, Jenny Marcus and Ms Marcus got into a heated argument, which ended with Ms Marcus hitting Jenny Marcus hard enough to put her on the floor and leave a handprint shaped bruise on her face. As an experienced parent, Ms Marcus should have remained in control of her actions and found a better way to deal with the argument. Jenny Marcus and Mr Kinney will both tell you this is completely out of character for the mother they were raised by, but as of late, Ms Marcus hasn’t been the mother they thought they grew up with. When I say thought, it means both of them are able now to look back and see things in a different light. Mr Kinney was told all his life by Ms Marcus that his biological mother left him because she didn’t love him enough to stay, not caring how that affected him. Ms Marcus made upsetting statements in front of Jenny Marcus about the mistake she made picking Mr Novotny to father her. Which led Jenny to believe that without her in Ms Marcus’ life, Ms Marcus would have been happier. Which has led to where we are now- wanting to help Jenny Marcus realize that the world wouldn’t be better if she disappeared. And so, in our opinion, what would be best for Jenny Marcus is to be with her brother Mr. Kinney and his partner Ian Holdings,”

“Gus Marcus-Kinney.” Mel points out.

“Gus Peterson-Kinney according to his birth certificate,” Gabriel counters.

I didn’t expect Mel to do anything stupid. Even though she screwed up her career it didn’t mean she didn’t know how to behave in this setting. The only real sign that she was angry was the tightening of her fist when Gabriel talked about her losing her job and the bit where he mentioned about her hitting Jenny. It wasn’t the part of hitting Jenny that caused the tightening of her fist, but the part where he said her experience didn’t seem to stop her from abusing Jenny. 

Janice ignored the interruption, only looking at Carol. “I’ve got quite a few statements of character for Mr Kinney and Dr Holdings, along with one about Ms Marcus, from Gabriel. But I don’t see any from you for Ms Marcus.”

“Ms Marcus was unable to find someone willing to supply her with one. Unfortunately, as of right now, the people she once could depend on to support her are supporting Mr Kinney and Dr Holdings instead,” Carol tells her.

“What about… Mr Novotny?” Janice asks, looking through the paperwork.

“Mr Novotny has also sided with Mr Kinney and Dr Holdings. But, as he’s on a psychiatric hold right now, his opinion wouldn’t have much merit in this case due to extenuating circumstances,” Carol tells her.

“Which are?” Janice asks.

“Mr Novotny’s opinion is based on the hope that if Gus Kinney gets custody it will give him access to Brian Kinney, Gus’ father. It has nothing to do with Jenny Marcus, but his hope to re-establish a relationship of any kind with Brian Kinney,” Carol tells her.

“Mr Brian Kinney wants nothing to do with Michael Novotny and we didn’t feel his opinion was needed to help our case. We agree Mr Novotny’s motives have nothing to do with Jenny Marcus’ well being. I also want to add that while Brian is Gus’ father, he isn’t involved in this case beyond his statement about Gus and Ian,” Gabriel tells Janice.

“Why do you feel you need to add that?” Clark asks.

“It seems to be an issue for Ms Marcus, which she brought up in front of Brian Kinney, Justin Taylor, Lucas Cameron, Gus Kinney, and myself in a meeting she attended with Lucas Cameron. Ms Marcus was offered again to let Gus help her by taking Jenny Marcus until Ms Marcus could work out her own issues. Ms Marcus’ response was to say that she’d drag Brian Kinney into the mud with her. For what purpose we aren’t sure, since Brian Kinney has nothing to do with this case other than the fact that he helped to raise Gus,” Gabriel tells her.

“Ms Marcus feels Brian Kinney’s lax attitude when it came to Gus could reflect on how Gus would parent Jenny Marcus. When Gus disagreed with Ms Marcus, he went to his father to override her. Ms Marcus worries that the same will happen with Jenny- that if they disagree, Gus will help Jenny defy anything Ms Marcus doesn’t agree with,” Carol tells Janice.

“Is that true Mr Kinney?” Janice asks me.

“I’m sure Ms Marcus believes it, but no, that’s not what my father did when I disagreed with the choices Ms Marcus made about my life. He disagreed with the move to Canada, but only because it would take me away from him. He didn’t stop my mothers’ from doing it, and financially helped out even though he didn’t have to after giving up his rights to me to Ms Marcus. He also refrained from saying anything to disparage Ms Marcus in front of me, not letting his dislike of her to color my opinion of her. Ms Marcus on the other hand seemed to want me to view my father as a selfish, narcissistic man who only cared about himself. It’s how she dealt with me when I didn’t agree with her, telling me I was acting like my father. It’s also something she would do with Jenny, saying Jenny didn’t want to be anything like her father. Ms Marcus thinks my father encouraged me to go against her because I picked a different college than the one she wanted me to go to. I wanted to go to NYU, she wanted me to go to a college in Ontario and live at home with her and Jenny. She also wanted me to go to law school, which I’ve never had any interest in, instead of studying Marketing and Finance. She didn’t like that I wanted to go into advertising like my father, and on numerous occasions, she argued that he was pushing me to do it, instead of being a lawyer as she wanted me to be. I applied to NYU as well as a couple of colleges in Pittsburgh, on my own, without telling her or my father. My first choice was NYU, and when they accepted me, it was only then that I told my father, since he agreed to pay for whatever college I wanted to go to. Ms Marcus stated that she would only support me if I did what she wanted, and blamed my father when I was the one who made the decision without either of their input involved. My father didn’t help me to defy Ms Marcus, instead, he did what he promised to do, which was to pay for the college of my choosing. Ms Marcus also didn’t like that my father wasn’t willing to tell me who I could love, the way she felt she had the right to. She made a point of telling my father she expected him to cut me off if I continued my relationship with Ian since she felt I was defying her by being unwilling to break off the relationship. My father didn’t understand her reasoning since he didn’t feel either of them had the right to make this kind of decision for me. He does have expectations of me; like being responsible for my actions and doing the best I can at anything I do, and he wouldn’t give me a pass if I did something wrong. He taught me to admit my mistakes and learn from them, to not take anything for granted, and to work for what I want. He also taught me that even when he doesn’t like what I do that he’ll always be there for me, unlike Ms Marcus. I feel like those are the values Jenny needs right now. She shouldn’t have to worry about what happens if Ms Marcus doesn’t agree with her,” I tell her.

Janice smiled at my answer and turned to Mel. “After reading the evaluation on Jenny, do you have plans on getting her help?” 

“I would do so to the best of my ability, but I also have to wonder where this all came from. Jenny has never once given me any indication she felt this way,” Mel tells her.

“That’s a huge concern for me Ms Marcus, that this caught you unaware. There are always signs in cases like this, yet you didn’t notice your daughter is having issues with her self-worth?” Clark asks.

“I noticed she’s been very defiant towards me lately, fighting me over everything and anything. Something I’ve been dealing with for a while with Gus, who Jenny idolizes,” Mel snaps.

“You feel your reaction to Jenny’s defiance was appropriate?” Clark asks her.

“It wasn’t something I’m proud of, but as you heard, my life has been stressful and my reaction wasn’t normal for me,” Mel tells him.

“Has the stress reduced in your life and are you making plans to get counseling, not only for yourself but Jenny, too?” Clark asks her.

“As you heard, I’ve barely had time to do more than set-up a residence. Other than that I haven’t had time to do more than show up for this farce, much less look into doctors for the problems Jenny only just made us all aware of,” Mel tells him.

“My clients are willing to help no matter what the outcome of today is. Dr Holdings has already gotten the names of doctors, both here and in New York, who are experienced in this kind of issue. They want to make sure Jenny has the help she needs now, and are willing to take care of the financial cost, since Ms Marcus’ finances might not be able to give Jenny the level of care she needs right now,” Gabriel tells him.

“I noticed a lack of employment for Ms Marcus,” Janice says, looking to Carol.

“My client is actively attempting to seek employment in her field of expertise, but the unfortunate situation with her former employer has followed her here and made it hard for her to find work in her field at the moment,” Carol tells her.

“I’ll need documentation that Ms Marcus is actively looking for work,” Clark tells her.

“How does she plan to support her daughter until such time as the matter is cleared up?” Janice asks her.

“As of right now, Ms Marcus would be dependent on the support she receives from Jenny’s biological father, which she has every right to use to provide for Jenny. With the way this case was rushed, she hasn’t had time to do more establish a residence and prepare for this. Ms Marcus also doesn’t have any documentation as of right now since she’s had no responses from potential employers,” Carol tells them.

“How do Mr Kinney and Dr Holdings plan to support Jenny?” Janice asks Gabriel.

“Mr Kinney is gainfully employed in his father’s company, and Dr Holdings has a thriving practice of his own. Mr Kinney and Dr Holdings can both support Jenny with just what they make as a couple, but Dr Holdings wealth also includes money he inherited from his family, which he hasn’t needed to use, as they are financially stable without it. Dr Holdings practice is thriving and he has a good standing in his field,” Gabriel tells her.

“If Jenny lives with you, how do you plan to juggle college, a job, and raise your sister, Mr Kinney?” Clark asks.

“My job and college can be done around the times Jenny is in school and anytime they might interfere, Ian and I can work our schedules around Jenny’s needs,” I tell her.

“And if you can’t?” Carol asks.

“Ian’s sister is more than willing to help us if we need her, and my family is also more than willing to help if we need them to,” I tell her, knowing where she’s going with this.

“Would Mr Taylor be included in this?” She asks.

“He’s my father’s partner and soon to be husband, which in my eyes makes him family,” I tell her.

“What was your relationship like with Mr Taylor before your recent reunion?” She asks.

“Is there a reason Mr Kinney’s relationship with Mr Taylor is an issue?” Gabriel interrupts.

“Ms Marcus feels it’s relevant as to why we’re sitting here today,” Carol tells him.

“We’re sitting here to work on an agreement for Jenny Marcus. So, unless you can show why Mr Taylor’s relationship hurts or helps the case, we need to move on. I’ve allowed the discussion of Mr Brian Kinney since his influence as a parent is relevant to establish how Gus Kinney might parent based on his examples. It hasn’t helped Ms Marcus’ case for Jenny when it sounds as if Brian Kinney was the better parent to Gus Kinney. It also doesn’t help Ms Marcus’ case that she sees her own choice for a father for Jenny as a mistake on her part, and has made sure that her daughter is well aware of this. Especially since it led her daughter to the heartbreaking feelings she expressed yesterday. So unless you feel this line of questions is going to establish something in favor of your client, I suggest we stick to the point, which is how to come to some agreement between Ms Marcus and Mr Kinney as to what is best for Jenny Marcus,” Janice tells her.

“Ms Marcus feels it establishes Gus’ change of view toward her, and especially her ability as a mother,” Carol tells her, not sounding as if she was happy about asking this question.

“I’ll allow it, but it better be relevant to this case,” Janice warned, looking at me to answer.

“We didn’t have a relationship. Because at six-years-old I let the adults in my life influence how I felt about Justin. I stopped seeing the man who was there for me, and only saw that he hurt my father again. I told him I didn’t want him in my life, and he did as I asked, but still made sure I knew he was still there for me. He did it by sending me small things to let me know that even though I believed I hated him, he still loved me. He was showing me that nothing had changed for him. It didn’t matter how much time passed, he still loved me even when I pretended he was nothing to me. I acted as if the only way he could have loved me was because he wanted my father, not me. Which Mr Novotny put into my head at six, and I let myself believe it because I was angry at losing my mother and at Justin for not being able to be there the way he was until we moved away from Pittsburgh. Ms Marcus was also saying my father was better off with Mr Novotny, which made me believe I was right to get Justin out of our lives. My life didn’t get better without Justin in it. Instead, I spent the next fourteen years wishing I hadn’t pushed the man I saw as a second father away from me for a man who used me in hopes to get my father to love him instead of Justin. It took seeing Justin with my brother Patrick to get me to remember the Justin I once loved as a father and who would still be in my life if I hadn’t so carelessly tossed him out of my life. Justin loves in a way that doesn’t change and didn’t let the past become an obstacle we had to overcome, or expect me to do anything but allow him back into my life. He wouldn’t encourage me to do anything unless I felt what I was doing was the right thing for someone else, just the way he only helped my mother because she needed to get help,” I tell her.

“You don’t blame him for his role in your mother’s disappearance in your life? Mr Taylor was the one who took your mother from you and helped to hide what happened to her. Yet it seems the only one you’re angry with is Ms Marcus, who was there when Mr Taylor wasn’t. Mr Taylor also blames Ms Marcus, and she believes he’s influencing you to see Ms Marcus as a villain instead of the loving mother who raised you and Jenny. It’s interesting how your view of Ms Marcus changed once you and Mr Taylor re-established a relationship. It’s also interesting that somehow you only seem to blame Ms Marcus for what Justin Taylor did- helping your mother leave you,” Carol states.

“My mother reached out to Justin because she needed help and Justin had proved to her in the past that she could go to him and he wouldn’t judge her, versus help her. He didn’t help my mother to leave, but to get the help she needed. My mother was breaking from the constant abuse she received, from not only Ms Marcus but from Mr Novotny for months. Ms Marcus took issue with Justin not being willing to condone her behavior or listen to why she felt my mother didn’t deserve anything more than everyone’s disdain for getting pregnant. Justin did what my mother desperately needed, because to him that was more important than who was right or wrong in the situation. He was willing to take on the responsibility of my mother’s care, in hopes that she’d get better and be able to be a part of my life. I see what Justin did as the actions of the kind of person I hope I’d be if anyone needed help. So no, I don’t blame him. Before you try to imply that Justin has anything to do with my decision to sue for custody of Jenny, he didn’t know about it until Ian and I made that decision together, without talking to him or my father about it. Justin’s only encouragement was in how I view what he did at that time, and I now feel I’m doing the same thing for my sister. I don’t care about anything but helping my sister know she’s worth loving and is very wanted. I won’t subject Jenny to things like the visits she was sent on to her father and stepfather, where they treated her as if she wasn’t welcome in their lives,” I tell her.

“Ms Marcus was following the custody agreement she made with Jenny’s father,” Carol pointed out.

Ian took over, since this was something Jenny once asked him. “Does that agreement also say Ms Marcus was allowed to ignore the way they treated Jenny on those visits? I ask because this is something Jenny asked me herself after visiting her father and being sent home early because David Cameron didn’t like her behavior. The behavior in question was that she didn’t want to listen to Mr Cameron tell her that she should be grateful for the money he has to give Ms Marcus because Mr Novotny stupidly agreed to give her a child. She asked me because her mother’s answer was Mr Novotny sued her for custody now he had to live with what he fought her for. Ms Marcus didn’t take issue with how Jenny was treated, just that Mr Novotny didn’t get out of visits because he went against Ms Marcus when Jenny was born. That’s a pattern of behavior Ms Marcus tends to follow throughout her life, punishing people when they don’t do what she wants them to do. It’s a concern Jenny had just yesterday- what happens when she does something that Ms Marcus sees as a betrayal to her…”

“Which happened when Gus, the son she claims to love as much as Jenny, didn’t go to the college of her choice to study the subject of her choice. He then lost her support again by being unwilling to break off a relationship she didn’t like. What happens as Jenny gets older and starts making her own choices that go against you, Ms Marcus?” Gabriel asks Mel.

“I wanted Gus to choose a college closer to home because I didn’t want him to run wild and end up forgetting he should be focused on his schooling. Something his father did and I felt he would encourage Gus to do since he saw nothing wrong with partying all night and barely making it to classes each day. My objection to the relationship was more my questioning what a thirty-year-old man would see in a seventeen-year-old,” Mel said, not even realizing the mistake.

“You mean nineteen don’t you? Since Gus was nineteen when he and Ian met and started their relationship, or were you referring to Brian Kinney’s relationship with Justin Taylor? ” Gabriel asks.

“What?” Mel asks, looking confused.

“Never mind… Ms Marcus, did any of your concerns about Gus’ life become realized? Did Gus run wild and forget about school?” Gabriel asks.

“Relevance?” Janice asks.

“To establish whether Gus’ level of responsibility when it comes to raising a teenager, based off of his own behavior,” Gabriel tells her.

“Did what you fear will happen in Gus’ case?” Janice asks.

“I… to be honest, I don’t know… but only because our relationship hasn’t been as close since he left home,” Mel stumbled.

“Why was that Ms Marcus, that you don’t know something as simple as is he putting school first?” Gabriel asks her.

“Why don’t we ask Mr Kinney that question. Are you putting school first, since it’s something that will be important to Jenny Marcus’ upbringing?” Clark asks since Mel refused to answer.

“I’ve maintained a 3.7 GPA, passing every class I’ve taken. My class load is heavier than most since I’m trying to get my degree faster in order to graduate sooner. Since it was brought up, I plan to lighten my class load now to be able to help my sister, since graduating earlier isn’t as important to me as taking care of my sister,” I tell her.

“If I may ask, what happens if you and your partner break up? I only ask since this would also affect Jenny’s stability.” Janice asks Ian.

“If that were to happen it wouldn’t change my commitment to helping Jenny. I understand why you are asking the question since Gus and I aren’t married and couples break under pressure. Which could happen, as our focus, which is normally on each other, shifts to include Jenny into our lives more than she’s been in the past. Gus and I do plan to get married in the future. It’s something both of us have discussed and agree it’s what we want. It’s not something either of us decided on a whim, but through spending the last three years together and seeing that our lives fit together. Ms Marcus questioned what a thirty-year-old man saw in a nineteen-year-old. I saw a man who takes his responsibilities seriously and cares for those he loves even when they aren’t perfect. Gus still loves Ms Marcus even now, but he won’t sit back when he feels strongly about anything that affects Jenny’s well-being,” Ian tells her, as I squeeze his hand instead of kissing him.

“Why haven’t you gotten married, if, as you say, you both agree? It would make your case stronger in the eyes of a court.” Gabriel asks us.

“We wouldn’t get married now, just to win. We’ve already combined our lives as if we were married already,” Ian tells him.

“In what way?” Janice asked.

“Everything we own is equally owned by each other. We have the same accounts in both our names and I’ve already changed my will, leaving Gus as the beneficiary of all my assets should something happen to me. We’re only waiting now because we want to get married at a time of our choosing. Because our marriage shouldn’t be done just to win but to show we love each other by making the commitment,” Ian tells her.

“Ms Marcus, while I understand wanting to raise your daughter yourself, can you understand the concerns of the doctor who saw Jenny yesterday? One of her concerns is that Jenny doesn’t feel she can talk to you and that you’ll listen to her. I ask because it does concern me how you handled her father’s and stepfather’s treatment of her, in which it sounds as if you didn’t?” Clark asks.

“How Michael and David chose to handle their parenting of Jenny isn’t my responsibility,” Mel told him.

“I can agree, how they are as parents isn’t your responsibility, but making sure your children are not put in a hostile environment is. Which brings me to the statement made by Ben Bruckner about what he witnessed happening in your household when he visited with Mr Novonty,” Clark tells her handing the statement to Carol. “In that statement, he admits to feeling ashamed of his own inaction to protect the children from witnessing Mr Novotny and Ms Marcus’ systematic abuse of Lindsay Peterson. I’d like him to come in and explain to us why he felt this behavior wasn’t unusual for Ms Marcus.”

BEN

It was hard walking into the room and not remember Michael coming home ranting about Gabriel calling him a pornographer and looking at Hunter and me as if we were a danger to Jenny. Even if I didn’t like what Gabriel implied at the time, I’ve come to respect him for his skills as a lawyer and a shark. I was introduced to everyone before sitting down and the questions were started.

“Mr Bruckner, we have a few questions about your statements concerning Ms Marcus as a parent. I wanted to allow Ms Marcus’ lawyer to question you since the statement isn’t flattering to her client’s character,” Janice tells me.

“My first question is how your opinion is relevant to this case. You haven’t had any contact with Ms Marcus or Jenny Marcus in over fourteen years. You state you saw Jenny Marcus as a daughter, but have been all but absent from her life. Why should we care about your opinion now when you have no idea what Jenny’s life is like?” Carol asks.

“I wasn’t given much of a choice in the matter. I wasn’t a recognized parent since the US didn’t see gay marriage as legal, which meant I couldn’t fight for any say in Jenny’s life against her two biological parents. My statement is about what I saw during the time I was still in a relationship with Mr Novotny. The relevance is that while people can change and become better people, the core of who you are doesn’t change,” I tell her.

“You feel you can sit in judgment of Ms Marcus when you state you did nothing to help or stop what you call the systemic abuse of Ms Peterson? Even if Ms Marcus had emotionally abused Ms Peterson, how does that really apply to her parenting, or lack of?” Carol asks me.

“I’m not going to judge what she did to Ms Peterson, because it would be hypocritical of me to do so, as I did nothing to stop it while it happened. I feel my statement is relevant since it doesn’t sound as if Ms Marcus’ way of dealing with things has changed, ” I tell her.

“Ms Peterson cheating on her and hiding a child from Ms Marcus is somehow her fault?” Carol asks.

“I’m going to interrupt, as Mr Bruckner’s opinion on fault has no relevance in this case,” Janice warned.

“It does if it’s all about him wanting to get back at me for not wanting him involved in my daughter’s life. It’s not my fault he got HIV and made it so he couldn’t have children of his own. He wasn’t happy when Michael agreed and almost ruined his marriage not liking that Michael and I could have something his irresponsibility took away from him. He thinks he can sit there and talk about me as if I did everything wrong, yet his life doesn’t exactly leave him looking any better,” Mel retorts. 

“Mr Bruckner, how long were you allowed to be in Jenny Marcus’ life?” Gabriel asks.

“The first three years,” I answer.

“During that time, Ms Marcus, had Mr Bruckner done anything to endanger Jenny’s life? Did he love her as he would a child of his own, or did he resent her?” Gabriel asks her.

I watch Mel squirm a bit since while Gus was young he’d been there to see how I was with the sister he has been very protective of since her birth. “No, he treated her the way any father would, but he wasn’t supportive during the time I was trying to get pregnant. In fact, he started using steroids and wasn’t happy with how much of Michael’s time was taken away from him. In the end, he walked away without a backward glance when he left Michael,” Mel tells him.

“Is that what you told Jenny, that Mr Bruckner walked away, not loving her enough to stay and be the father she was raised with?” Gabriel asks.

“I told her the truth. Ben chose to cheat on her father, not caring anything about how it affected her,” Mel said, knowing Gus would tell the truth if she didn’t.

“So, you didn’t tell Jenny that you threatened to sue Mr Bruckner for everything he had, on behalf of Mr Novotny if he didn’t agree to get out of her life? Or that unless you and Mr Novotny were willing to allow him to continue to be in her life, he didn’t have a choice in the matter? I mean, it sounds as if you rewrote history to make sure Jenny thought, once again, that a parent left her because they didn’t love her enough to stay. When the truth is Mr Bruckner wanted to stay in her life, but couldn’t because you didn’t want his loving influence on Jenny. What did Mr Bruckner not do that you objected to? He paid the child support for his partner, her biological father. He welcomed her into his home and treated her like his own. Yet somehow you didn’t want him around her, why was that?” Gabriel asks her.

“I agreed with Mr Novotny, if Ben wanted to leave him, then he was no longer going to be a part of Jenny’s life,” Mel told him.

“Was there some reason you agreed to deny Jenny a father, who from all the accounts I have, is a good father to his son and would have likely been one to Jenny, unlike her biological father, who in most cases had to be forced to spend time with her? I guess what I’m really asking is why you would deny your daughter having more people in her life who loved her while leaving her to stay around people who barely tolerated her? I just don’t get why you would agree with Mr Novotny, whose own mother has said that he only saw Jenny when she or Mr Bruckner insisted. The only reason Mr Novotny paid child support was because Mr Bruckner paid it and he was the one who spent time with Jenny during those visits. Did you agree with Mr Novotny because he was willing to help you by taunting and humiliating Ms Peterson? I’m having a hard time understanding how an expert parent such as you would choose to let your daughter get hurt over and over again when she could have had a parent show her she was more than a toy to play with and discard when he got bored.” Gabriel tells her.

“She was my daughter, and I didn’t want her around someone like him! I refused to reward him when he couldn’t keep it in his pants any more than I was willing to overlook Lindsay dropping hers,” Mel shouts at Gabriel.

“So in your mind, it was fine if Jenny suffered the loss of anyone? Jenny can suffer now because Gus is willing to have a relationship with his mother and brother, the two people you threw out of his and Jenny’s life? Is that really the problem you have with Gus? That he is willing to establish a relationship with someone who betrayed you and only you?” Gabriel asks.

“I’m the one who had to go through a miserable pregnancy and then end up alone when my wife fucking cheated on me!” Mel says, starting to lose control.

Carol tried to stop her, but she obviously didn’t know what we all did, that once Mel felt she was right she wouldn’t stop until we all heard everything she had to say about her feelings. 

“I’ve sat here listening to everyone talk about Brian Fucking Kinney as if he was a saint and not a fucking whore. Do you want to know why I didn’t want Ben around MY KID? I didn’t want him around and have to once again deal with my child acting as if they didn’t owe ME their loyalty, instead of some asshole who never wanted to be a father. None of you can understand what it was like to constantly come in second in my own home. My daughter wasn’t going to have anyone to run to in order to defy me!” Mel yells at all of us.

“So, you were willing let Jenny see Michael, knowing the kind of damage he could do to Jenny’s self-worth and esteem? I mean, what did it matter to you how it hurt Jenny, just that you wouldn’t have to compete, the way you felt you had to with Brian?” Gabriel smirks as if he knew it would set Mel off.

“All the good that did, he’s still causing problems,” Mel snaps.

“In what way?” Clark cut in.

“All Jenny hears from Gus is how great Brian is and she sees the things Brian gives Gus. She likely made up all the bullshit she said yesterday, thinking she’ll get the easy life Brian gave Gus,” Mel tells him.

“So you don’t believe Jenny needs help?” Clark asks.

“She shouldn’t be rewarded for making all that shit up yesterday,” Mel tells him.

“Jenny knows better than to worry me or Ian like that. If there’s one thing I know about Jenny is that she wouldn’t make up something that horrible, even if it got her away from you,” Gus tells her.

“Even if she made all that up, she still needs help,” Clark tells her.

“All she needs to understand is that she won’t get her way. Which I plan to make happen,” Mel tells him. “I can deal with this, something you haven’t been doing,” Mel tells Carol when she tried to get her to stop.

“How do you plan to do that?” Clark asked.

“I plan to ground her and limit her exposure to the people in her life that likely encouraged her to act out the way she did,” Mel tells him.

“When she still acts that way, what then? Another slap to straighten her out?” Gabriel asks.

“She knows she better not to push me that far again, doesn’t she?” Mel snaps.

“It’s obvious this mediation isn’t going to help this situation. I’ll inform the judge we couldn’t make any progress. I leave it to you Clark, good luck. Mr Bruckner, thank you for your time.” She says, dismissing me from the room.

IAN

Ben got up and followed Janice out of the room. We all waited until the door closed before Clark said anything to us. I was surprised at Mel blowing up the way she did, she knew how important it was to her case not to sound out of control of herself. I watched Clark for his reaction to Mel’s statements and he looked very displeased with Mel’s dismissal that Jenny needed help. Hell, even Mel’s lawyer looked ready to throw her hands in the air when Mel ignored her warnings to stop.

“I came here today for only one thing, to assess the three of you and decide what was best for Jenny Marcus. In most cases, we try to keep the child or in this case the teenager, with their biological parents, as that bond being broken can cause more harm than good. The issue today is where would be the best place for Jenny to be in order to help her. Jenny wants to be with Mr Kinney and Dr Holdings because she feels as if they will help her in a way she doesn’t feel Ms Marcus is willing to or capable of doing at this time. It worries me that Ms Marcus went from sounding concerned to sounding as if by striking her daughter it taught her a lesson. With that said, I feel it’s best for Jenny to stay with her brother until Ms Marcus straightens out her life. Ms Marcus, you’ll be required to attend anger management and parenting courses before Jenny can see you unsupervised. I’m also going to require that Mr Kinney and Dr Holdings send me progress reports from sessions Jenny attends. It also means, that until I feel Ms Marcus is ready to resume the responsibility of her daughter’s upbringing, Mr Kinney and Dr Holdings will retain custody. Any questions?” Clark asks us. 

“I’d like to speak to Gus and Ian alone,” Mel tells him.

“That’s up to my clients,” Gabriel tells her.

“It’s fine,” Gus tells him.

Mel waited until we were alone before she cemented my disdain for her as a human being.

“I took care of you all your life and I’ve always treated as if you were mine. I worked my ass off to support you and Jenny, giving up my life to give both of you everything I could. I did the best I could to give you both a happy childhood,” Mel tells him.

“For the most part you did, I can agree to that. I just don’t understand the part of you that feels like we can’t love anyone but you,” Gus tells her.

“Can we get to whatever you asked to talk to us about,” I tell her.

Mel ignored me, looking at Gus. “I’m willing to agree that maybe you were right, that I need some time to straighten out my life. I want you to know this is hard for me, but I need to be able to use the support money until I can sort things out,”

“You’re unbelievable. Fine, keep the damn money, just don’t come to me for more,” Gus says, getting up and leaving the room.

“I’d prefer you don’t use this to turn my daughter against me. It’s only until I can get back on my feet,” Mel tells me.

“Why did you do it?” I ask.

“What?” Mel asks, looking confused.

“Why did you blow up? You knew what exploding like that would do to your case,” I tell her.

“What makes you think I did it on purpose?” Mel asks.

“Because, while you did a stupid thing with your last client, you know what was expected in order to win this kinds of case,” I tell her.

“I’ll never like you,” Mel tells me.

“I don’t care if you do or don’t,” I tell her.

“But I do love my daughter, even if she doesn’t believe me right now,” Mel tells me.

“I’d believe it more if you hadn’t reduced this down to money a minute ago with Gus,” I tell her.

“Think what you want, just make sure Jenny is happy,” Mel tells me, getting up. Leaving me to wonder if this was just another game.