Justin could barely look Brian in the eye. It didn't help that Brian had this empty look on his face... all accompanied by cutting jabs, all intended to make him feel and understand the pivotal moment they had reached.

This was it, and he knew it. His last chance to settle for what Brian offered... or move on to what he believed he needed, even if that offering came from a man he knew he didn't truly love. He didn't want to leave Brian. But what choice did he really have? Could he stick around and wait for Brian to one day wake up and be a changed man? And did he really want that? He knew in order to achieve his heart's desire, he needed Brian to change. However, in the back of his mind, he reminded himself that would change Brian from the man he fell in love with. Should that happen - how would he feel then?

"Brian, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen." Justin didn't know what to do or say. He just knew he needed to try... something.

Fidgeting awkwardly in his chair, sliding his finger under the collar of his shirt, Brian alternated his attention from his work on his computer to Justin's expectant expression. He wondered if Justin thought the big reveal - such as it had been - was his divine moment to push for a deeper commitment. If he gave it, would Justin toss the fucking fiddler to the curb? Fuck, he wanted that. However, he was Brian Kinney. He wasn't about to conform to Justin's dream of an idyllic life. That just wasn't him.

Justin couldn't look away from Brian. His emotionless state seemed to be almost methodical - as if he was schooling his features and reactions to give the impression he felt he needed to give. Fuck! What was real? He thought he knew... but now that Ethan had shown him about love, monogamy, and equality, did he know anything anymore? "I should have told you."

"And take all the fun out of it?" Brian attempted to appear blasé. Inwardly, he felt anything but that. Justin was going to take the fake life that Ian offered. He would be making a mistake... but short of giving Justin what he thought he needed - in doing so, betraying who he was, he had very few options. Perhaps they could have one more moment, though. One that Justin would remember. "So tell me... how big is his dick?"

Justin turned away. Having it turn into that kind of talk wouldn't garner the results he most desired. "That has nothing to do with it."

Brian stood from his chair, not a doubt in his mind what he had to do next. In doing so, he would be true to himself... and perhaps salvage something. At the very least... Justin would remember this moment when he laid in a bed that wouldn't be near as fulfilling as the one he shared here with him. "Since when?" Brian asked, following closely behind his nervous and confused lover.

He wasn't about to relent. Justin needed to understand that no man would ever know him like he did. These so-called emotions were intangible... and fleeting at best. It wouldn't last. And what would he have to show for it? Nothing but another broken heart. Brian didn't delude himself that he pushed him for any noble intentions. He wanted Justin to make a choice... no matter which choice it ended up being. However, he could admit to himself, even if he couldn't to Justin - he wanted him to stay. But... to do so on his terms.

Sliding his hand inside of Justin's jeans, Brian palmed Justin's cock, squeezing it before whispering, "You love cock." Brian kissed Justin quickly on the lips, a popping noise sounding when he pulled free. Continuing to run his palm over Justin's hardening dick, Brian roughly rasped, "You love it down your throat. You love it up your ass. You love riding it..."

Justin tried to be cold and indifferent... and yet, he couldn't dispute one single word. At least, he couldn't do so honestly. Brian was right. He was always right. He did love all of that... especially when it was Brian. But it didn't matter, he reminded himself. He couldn't go on like this. As Brian continued to rub on his cock, his eyes stared into Brian's, hoping he could read something that wasn't either mockery or lust.

"And after you come... you love falling asleep with it still inside of you." Brian knew he was getting to his hot blond boy... the only man that he ever gave repeats to - over and over again. Justin was still fighting it, though. Perhaps it was time to set him free. Although, that was the last thing he wanted.

"Cut it out..." Justin demanded, pushing Brian's hand away.

Brian momentarily backed off. "You're hard. So don't tell me it doesn't matter."

They talked for several more minutes. Each of them instinctively knew it was over. When Justin asked Brian if he would care if he wasn't here, it was like a tidal wave of emotions broke free.

Touching Justin's face, Brian brought his lips closer to Justin's. "It's your call where you want to be." Intending to break free, and find some sort of oblivion, Brian turned back when he read the hopeless, broken expression on Justin's face. It took him back to the night when he told Justin he was too old for him and sent him away with George Goodfuck waiting in his apartment. When Justin whimpered his distress, longing clearly displayed on his face, Brian growled, "Fuck this. If you want to leave, Sunshine... then leave. But here is something for you to remember when you go to him. I want you to remember how I make you feel." He reached out to pull the jeans down Justin's legs, roughly pushing him to the hardwood floor. "This is what's real, Justin. It's the only thing that matters."

Justin couldn't resist, even though he knew this would make the break even harder. Moments later, his hips arched up to meet the demand of Brian's possession, tears sliding down his face as their lips joined along with their bodies. A memory, yes. Bittersweet. That's all this could ever be. Tonight he was still Brian's. In his heart, he knew he always would be.

THE END