“But how do you know him?” Justin asked for the fourth time on their drive home.

“It’s not important. What is important is that you lied to us. Anything could have happened to you tonight.”

“Because I’m gay?” he challenged.

“Don’t even start with that. You know we accept and love you any way you are. But hanging out outside clubs you aren’t near old enough to go in is dangerous.”

Justin huffed but didn’t say anything. Since he went to live with his grandparents at ten years old, they had been extremely overprotective. He didn’t get to go anywhere without them until he was fourteen and then it was only if another parent was there. He understood they were worried, but it was suffocating. It wasn’t like he was going to get hit by a train like his uncle.

“You’ll have to let go of me sometime. When I go to college you won’t know where I am every moment.”

His grandfather made a noise. They had been round and round about this. His grandparents wanted him to go to school locally. They even encouraged him to try and get into PIFA. Even though his grandfather thinks it’s a useless degree. But Justin had plans and stagnating here in the Pitts wasn’t part of it. He was going to California and never looking back. He had told his grandparents they should sell their home and come out west too. They were too old for the snow and cold weather. He has known what he wanted since he was thirteen years old, and he would do it hell or high water.

(Dream)

As quiet as possible he tiptoed behind the taller boy. The boy was skipping a stone across the water. The sun was beating down on his back, he hoped he didn’t get a sunburn. When he was behind the other boy.

“AHHHH!” he yelled making the other boy jump.

The other boy turned around and after a moment of shocked face smirked. “You better run…fast. When I get my hands on you Jus, you’re going to be dead,” the other boy said.

Justin laughed before he broke into a run. He knew it wouldn’t be long until the other boy caught him, he was always faster. Before he knew it, he was tackled to the ground and being tickled.

“Stop, I’m going to wet myself,” he said, wheezing.

“Good, that’s what you deserve,” the other boy said laughing. “Say Uncle.”

“Never.”

“Say Uncle.”

“No.”

“What are you two boys doing?” a woman asked.

The other boy let go of him and they ran off before she could come near them. If the woman told his parents, he would be in big trouble.

“Run faster Justin.”

“I’m trying Brian.”

(Dream)

Justin woke up with a start, the dream already fading but one thing stuck out to him. “Whose Brian?” he asked his empty room. It wasn’t the first time he had dreamt about the dark-haired boy, but it was the first time he had a name. It must be just because his grandfather called the man from last night that, his mind was playing tricks on him.

After he showered and dressed for school, he knew he had some serious begging to do. His grandfather had grounded him last night. That just couldn’t stand, he had things to do. He and Daphne were going to Chris Hobbs party, it was the party to be at. They couldn’t really stand the other boy but because Hobbs’ dad worked for Justin’s grandfather, he tried to suck up to them. The only reason Justin wanted to go was because Ryan Jones was going to be there. Since last night was a bust, he would go to his back up plan, lose his virginity to Ryan.

Ryan was actually his first choice, but the older boy was deep in the closet. The only reason Justin knew his secret was because Freshman year they ALMOST kissed. But that was as close to kissing another guy he’s gotten. He had told his grandparents he was gay when he was thirteen. He had gotten depressed and scared they would hate him. Because they were so ALL over him ALL the time, they had him see a therapist. He went and the woman told him to be honest with them. They weren’t as shocked as he thought they would be, in fact they weren’t shocked at all.

The guy from last night was hot but there was no way he could show his face back on Liberty Avenue. His grandfather making him get in his car like he was a child, the humiliation. And it all happened in front of the most gorgeous man he had ever seen. There was something else about him that he just couldn’t place.

As he descended the stairs he was met by his grandmother’s stern glare. It wasn’t usual for her to be upset with him. Daphne had told him once he could probably murder someone, and his grandparents would take the fall for him. Not that he ever wanted to kill someone, he always took the spiders outside.

“I’m sorry,” he said honestly.

“What were you thinking? Anything could have happened to you. I read; you may not think your old grandmother knows what’s going on in the homosexual community, but I know. There are men who would just use you. That’s not who you are.”

“I wasn’t going to do anything,” he lied.

“Why can’t you just find a nice boy at school?”

Justin rolled his eyes. “Because it’s the center of homophobia.”

“Do I need to have another meeting with the headmaster?”

He shook his head violently. “No grandmother, please. Last time was enough.” Being called Nana’s Nancy boy was quite enough for a year.

She eyed him suspiciously but finally nodded. “You know we only want the best for you.”

“I know and I love you for it. I’m glad I had you two after Dad left.”

Her face fell and he felt bad, he shouldn’t have brought up his dad. It was hard on her having her only living son cut off contact.

“You should get ready for school. You’re only to go to school and come back, nowhere else. Understand me?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Soon they would feel bad about grounding him and lift it. The longest they’ve ever left him grounded was two days and that was because they found out he drank at a party. With any luck he’ll be off the hook by Saturday and going to the party at Hobbs house. All he wanted to do was have sex. Was that so much to ask?



Babylon was a bust again tonight. Ever since he saw Justin’s ghost, he had gone every night just to look for him again. He knew in reality that it was merely Justin’s nephew, one that he never got to know. But that didn’t explain the clone like similarity or that look, the one that was all his Justin. Maybe he was crazy, he had been called it enough.

Stripping off his clothes his hand lingered on the shell bracelet he wore everywhere outside of the office. Taking it off, he threw it down on the desk. His eye caught the scar on his wrist. It was a reminder of the second to worst night of his life. Memories started to come at him like a tidal wave.

(Memory)

His room was suffocating, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Usually, he could handle the overwhelming loss of Justin. It had been two years since that fateful night. That night where he said the worst things possible to his best friend. Getting out of bed, he walked to the shoebox he kept all the clippings from Justin’s accident. Headlines jumped out to him.

Local Boy Killed on Train Tracks.

Conductor dies of self-inflicted gunshot after tragic accident.

Family of Local Boy Starts Scholarship in his Honor.

It was just too much; Justin was always there but not. The only bright part in his life was Justin and now it was gone. There was no light, no reason to live.

He went into the bathroom and grabbed his father’s straight razor. He would end it all and maybe he’ll see Justin again. The bite from the razor was less than he thought it would be. He didn’t stop as he cut a vertical line on his wrist. Just as he was about to cut the other wrist, his sister burst into his room. She looked angry but that changed to horror when she saw the blood.

(Memory)

Shaking the memory of that night away, he poured a glass of whiskey. Sometimes his memories were too much. He would take getting beat over and over again if he could forget the night Justin died. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn’t known Justin at all. But then he remembered that smile and Justin overcoming his fear just to play with Brian.

After his attempt, the next thing he knew he was in the hospital with his mom by his side. She didn’t leave, not even when he told her that he wanted to die. He thought she would give him the whole going to hell thing if you kill yourself, but she didn’t. She just sat quietly by his side, reading some kind of paperwork. It wasn’t until he was released, he knew what it was. Divorce papers. She didn’t fight his dad for anything, let him keep all of his drinking money. All she wanted was him and Claire and her freedom. Since that’s what the old man wanted too, he gave it readily.

That was when his mom moved him and his sister to a part of town that was cheap. It was cheap because people didn’t want to live by all the gay bars and clubs. His mom, being a devout catholic, had already broken with her religion over her divorce. He could tell she was uncomfortable in the beginning, but she needed a job. She was always good with money and budgeting when his dad actually gave her the money, so she got a bookkeeping job at an antique dealer on Liberty Avenue. He was surprised how close friends his mom and her boss, Reg, had become. On his sixteenth birthday, his mom sat him and his sister down. She was going to have a baby but didn’t think she could raise another child. Reg and his partner had been there for her, and she was going to let them adopt the baby.

It was strange, his mother had been so stern and judgemental but as soon as she was free, she was free. She still went to church but as her words to Reg, “I don’t want to make a thing of it.”

After Reg’s business partner retired and moved to Florida, his mom became partner in the store. Turns out besides being good with the books, she was good at finding antiques and knowing their worth. She was a shrewd businesswoman and soon, they moved up in the world. While he did get a soccer scholarship, she made sure he didn’t have to work while in school. He always assumed that was her trying to make up for the first thirteen years of his life. He didn’t hold it against her. She did what she thought was best, but when his dad told her that he wasn’t letting Brian back into the house after the attempt, she decided to put him first for the first time in his life.

The next day he went to the diner for breakfast, it was Saturday after all. After he was seated and gave his order to Kiki, he waited for his friends. Before any of them showed up, a ball of energy ran in, a soccer ball under his arm.

“Brian, I made the team. I made the team,” Lucas said, sliding into the booth opposite from him.

Lucas knew he was adopted, and that Joan was his birthmother. He didn’t know who his birthfather was, but his mom said she would tell him when he was old enough. He knew the reason; she didn’t want Jack to get his hands on Lucas. Which is also the reason she gave him up for adoption. Turns out she ran into his father, and he was sober and nice to her. She fell back into bed with him and found herself pregnant again. After knowing how he would react, she stayed in the shop and made sure not to be around their mutual friends. Lucas would grow up knowing what unconditional love was and never be scared to go home. That was worth it all.

“That’s great.” He wasn’t the most caring person in the world, but he felt with his little brother, he had to be at least a little excited.

“Dad is going to get us season tickets to the Pens.”

“Hockey. I thought you grew out of that.”

Lucas snorted. “Nope. I can’t decide what I want to be yet.”

“You can cross off basketball, you’re too short.”

Lucas gave an indignant squeak. “I haven’t had my growth spurt yet. When I do I bet I’ll be taller than you.”

“Don’t get your hopes up pipsqueak.”

The door chimed and Reg’s partner Dan walked in. “There you are, I should have guessed you would be pestering Brian.”

“Dad,” Lucas whined. “Brian doesn’t mind.”

“How kind of you to speak for your brother,” Dan said, giving Brian an apologetic look, Brian waved him off.

About that time the door opened, and Emmett, Michael and Ted came in.

Lucas looked at them and sighed. “I guess we got to go. Will you be coming tomorrow night?” he asked.

“Miss Sunday dinner? I might as well serve my head on a platter myself.”

Lucas giggled before sliding out of the booth. “I’ll beat you to the car Dad. If I win, I get to drive,” the twelve-year-old said.

“Very funny,” Dan said as Lucas took off. The rest of the diner laughed has Dan cursed and started running out the door too.

“I just spoke to Linsday, she said that she should be having the baby any day now,” Michael said.

“How does it feel? You’re going to be a dad,” Emmett gushed.

He hadn’t wanted to be the sperm donor. Having a kid meant one more thing that could be taken from him. So that was when he agreed, he only agreed if he had some rights to the baby. They wanted complete custody, but he couldn’t do that. He had lost too much in his life to lose another.

“Weird,” he said simply.

“I thought you were supposed to be the one good with words,” Ted said.

“Shut up.” He had too much on his mind, mostly the blond that was the doppelganger of his childhood best friend.

The bell jingled over the door, and he looked up again. This time it was his mother, he groaned. She was wearing a black pantsuit and her hair was shorter than it was two weeks ago. She looked at him and sniffed, turning, and heading to the counter.

“So, she still hasn’t forgiven you?” Emmett asked.

“What do you think? I told her I don’t do love and dates. She had to try and pawn Reg’s fat friend off on me.”

“I thought he was hot,” Emmett said.

“You think everyone is hot,” Ted told him.

“True, I see the inner beauty.”

“Well, his outer ugly was a little too much for me.” If you would have asked him at the age of thirteen, did he think his mother would be trying to play Yente to the gay community the answer would be hell no.

“Maybe I should get her help for me. I heard Mike and Lou are still together after ten years. That’s like the golden anniversary with the people we know,” Ted said.

“You only settle down when you give up,” he said, making Michael move so he could get out of the booth. “I have places to be.”