Today was one of those days when Justin really realized how lucky he was to have Brian by his side. Over the years, they've been through a lot together, their relationship had some ups and downs. But it has all made them much stronger and it was problably the reason why they have gotten this far - to the point where they both feel that everything is exactly the way as it should be. They are happy.

But there's one thing that has been killing Justin for years, reminding him every day that he was this close to losing him and not being so lucky to have him in his life. Because Brian didn't have to be here at all if he...

"Thank God," Brian breathed out, being very relieved as the closing credits appeared on the tv. "I have to write somewhere that next time it's my turn to choose a movie. Even though I still believe you fooled me and I should have been the one choosing today," Brian chuckled.

"Uhm, yeah," Justin muttered absently.

"You're not talking to me, Sunshine?" Brian ran his fingers through Justin's hair. They were so soft and long enough. Justin's head was laying right in his lap, and from the middle of the movie, Brian could only think of how he wanted Justin unbutton his pants and take his throbbing dick and...

"I am," Justin replied unconvincingly.

And in that moment, Brian noticed something, "Justin, are you crying?"

"No!" he blurted out, almost as if Brian had offended him with his question.

"So it's your allergies?"

"Nope."

"Jesus, you don't usually close that mouth of yours, so what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"There's nothing wrong with me," Justin said, sitting up, making sure Brian didn't see his face.

"Hey, I'm here. Look at me."

"I'm going to take a shower," Justin basically ran to the bathroom, leaving Brian completely confused.

Brian then considered his options for a moment, but eventually decided that he had learned one important thing over the years - communication. It simply doesn't work without communication.

So he followed Justin to the bathroom, who was already standing under the hot water. Brian dropped his clothes on the floor and got in the shower, Justin was lost in his thoughts, his body was tense.

"Relax," Brian immediately began massaging Justin's shoulders. And here and there he added soft kisses to his neck and back. Justin almost forgot that something was bothering him. It felt so good.

"Now can you tell me what's going on?" Brian whispered close to his ear.

Justin turned to face him and just stared for a few seconds into his beautiful brown eyes, which were literally dying to know what Justin had on his mind. But Justin couldn't bring himself to say it... he didn't want to talk about it. It scared him to even think about it.

Instead, he hungrily kissed Brian's lips and for a moment Brian completely forgot what he was asking and passionately returned Justin's kisses.

It wasn't until he felt Justin's hand on his throbbing dick that he found all the self control he had and gently pushed Justin away and took a step back on his own.

"Fuck. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but... first talking, then fucking..."

"Brian," Justin sighed.

"Don't Brian me. Something's obviously bothering you, and you know how it is with us ... we keep it to ourselves and before we know it, we practically hate each other ..."

"When we ever hated each other?" Justin raised an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't know, you're going to have to explain it to me," Justin chuckled.

"Don't change the subject. Just tell me what did I do wrong this time so we can talk about it, then have sex and move on ..."

Justin laughed. "You didn't do anything, Brian. So there is no reason for makeup sex..."

"I didn't? So what the hell is going on?"

"Um," Justin knew he had to say it, but in his head it suddenly sounded so stupid. Well, it wasn't stupid at all, it was justified, but ... shit. He would just rather if he didn't have to talk about it, preferably if he could get that thought out of his mind forever, but ... it's not that simple. "It's about that movie ..."

"Movie?" Brian looked fucking confused. "What's wrong with it?"

"Do you even realize how lucky we are?"

"What the hell are you saying?"

"That no happiness lasts forever... and that there is always something bad waiting... and I... I don't want to... I can't lose you..."

"What the hell, Justin?" Brian took a step closer to him and put his hands on his shoulders. "Take a deep breath and tell me what's going on."

"Look at those two, Landon and Jamie... they fell crazy in love and then she just died..." Justin paused before continuing. "She died of cancer..."

"Who?" Brian was confused even more.

"They were in the movie..."

"Oh, that makes sense, I wasn't really paying attention..."

"Well, I was... and it scared the shit out of me. Because... I just... it would kill me to lose you."

"Oh," Brian suddenly began to realize what was really going on. "Justin, look at me. Come on," he grabbed his chin with his hand and forced him to look at him. "I'm fine. I've been fine for a long time. I go for checkups regularly, and even the doctors don't think the cancer should come back... you know that."

"I know. But I also know you're going to one of those checkups next month. And even though I don't say it out loud every time you go, I feel absolutely miserable because... what if... what if this time..." Justin's voice started to shake.

"Why don't you just talk to me about it and instead you're choosing movies where people die of cancer?" Brian chuckled, trying to improve Justin's mood, but it didn't work. "I don't want you to think I'm going to die... I'd rather had you thinking about a million other things you can do with me... or do to me... and not about me dying..."

"I'm not thinking about you dying... but the fact that you could if the cancer ever comes back..."

"I don't know exactly where the difference is, but just don't think about it in general, okay? I've been fine for four years and there's no reason to think that should change..."

"I know and believe me, I'd really like to be able to turn it off, but ... sometimes I just get scared that I'll lose you... well, like Landon lost Jamie..."

"I'm choosing movies from now on, do you understand?"

"Brian! I'm serious."

"Me too, Justin, me too."

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything," Justin turned around and was about to leave the shower, but Brian grabbed his hand a pulled him back.

"On the contrary, I want you to tell me when something bothers you, especially something like this... but I'd rather you wouldn't think like that. Yeah, that cancer can come back, you know that, I know that... but I don't want this to be on our minds. Especially when I know there is a bigger chance I'll get hit by a bus tomorrow or that you get kidnapped and murdered... "

"Um, what?" Justin's eyes widened.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, sure, they'll kidnap me and murder me, not a big deal, got it," Justin laughed.

"Twat," Brian grinned. "I just mean that we can't worry about the things that might happen because there is too many and we would lose our minds... instead let's just enjoy life, together, in bed... or anywhere... knowing that we have each other... "

"Because we're lucky?"

"Because we're lucky," Brian agreed.

"But luck can't last forever..."

"Same goes for bad luck... and everytime something sucks, it gets better again... and believe me, you won't just get rid of me that easily, with or without cancer..."

"Can we just stop saying that word?"

"I agree. We won't even think about that word... okay?"

"I'll try."

"And promise me you'll always come to me if something like this ever bothers you again... I don't want you to go through this alone..."

"I promise," Justin smiled.

"And I promise I'll choose the next movie..."

"As long as it's not a movie about kidnapping and murder... which reminds me, you're taking me to work tomorrow, in fact, you're gonna do that untiI I'll get rid of that thought of someone kidnapping me and murdering me..."

"You're crazy, you know that?"

"Yeah. That's why you love me. Madly. Passionately. Deeply," he grinned.

"God. Where did I find you?"

"Babylon..."

"True," Brian chuckled, then finally kissed Justin's soft lips. "Now I'm pretty sure you were about to do something when I got in the shower..." he smirked.

"Hmmm," Justin pretended to think. "I don't know what you mean."

"I'm pretty sure you wanted to get on your knees and pleasure your king..."

"Wow, is that your new way of seducing me?"

"Well, is it working?" Brian smirked and bit his lip.

"It will be my pleasure, King Kinney," Justin winked at him with a huge smile, then dropped to his knees in front of his beautiful hard dick, giving Brian all the good reasons to moan loudly.



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PS. Movie they were watching is called A Walk to Remember (2002)