Disclaimer: This is fanfiction only. No money is being made whatsoever, I just love Queer as Folk. Characters are out of character and Brian is a little younger. If I forgot anything, sorry, Moderator, feel free to put in what I missed.

THE FROG PRINCE

Chapter 1

BRIAN THE PRINCE

Once upon a time, a long time ago, so long in fact, that rope was a fairly new invention, in a land far, far away, so far away in fact, that many people who set out there, gave up out of sheer frustration and turned back before their pack animals perished.

However, if you managed to get there the rewards were great. The land was nestled in a small valley, surrounded by citadel mountains. The valley was large and fertile. There were great farmlands that grew crops, orchards that grew fruit trees of apple, pear, and peach. There were forests and fields and cities and a great, crystal blue lake that was so clear you could see the bottom of it in the center even though it was many fathoms deep.

The hamlets that were in the valley were ruled fairly and everyone was happy and in the very center lived the benevolent rulers in their castle of white brick and marble statues. It was a happy place and time. A time before plumbing and after witchcraft.

For many years King Jack and Queen Joan lived happily in this castle with their son Brian and their daughter Claire. King Jack often wished they had had more children to fill the huge castle but nature is what it is and no more children came. Jack, Joan and Claire were furthermore thrown for a big loop when Brian informed them he was homosexual when he was old enough. Jack was very disappointed when he knew this would be no grandchildren coming that way. This caused him to favor Claire in ways he didn't realize and Brian and his father drifted apart.

So there they were, three peas rattling around in a very big pod. The kids grew to be adult prince and princess and both of them cast their eyes down into....into...you know it was so long ago, even I'VE forgotten what it was called....let's just call it the Happy Valley. So they cast their eyes down into the Happy Valley and began to choose mates. Well...by that I mean Claire began to date and Brian began to ensnare and seduce unwitting young men. Some turned out to like it and those who didn't....well they just didn't say anything. This was the Prince, after all.

This pattern of behaviour continued until the prince's 25th year. At that point his luck ran out.

Brian was struck down by a mysterious, grave and creeping illness. He was bedridden and in much pain. The doctors poked and prodded him everywhere, often in painful places which often earned them a poke (and a black eye) in return. Brian was not a good patient.

Eventually though, it was determined that the illness was centered around Brian's....well, center. The mysterious illness had settled in one of Brian's testicles. When they discovered it, it had enlarged to twice the size of the healthy one. The doctors did a few more tests and concluded that if the ball was not amputated with all haste, it would spread to the other one and then his entire being.

King Jack was not impressed with Brian at this point. He realized...whatever this was, was sexually transmitted so he told Brian, (after a considerable argument) that it was up to him what to do. He had gotten himself into this, now his destiny was in his own hands.

After a few hours of painful contemplation, (his ball was killing him) Brian decided that one ball was better that none. So he called his doctors and quipped, "Sometimes you feel like a nut!" which of course was his way of giving the green light.

So they gave him something to drink with a sedative in it that knocked him out almost immediately. They took him down to the medical wing and cut out the diseased ball just in the nick of time. They made a fake ball out of smooth, polished wood and put in into his sac. When they were done you couldn't tell the difference.

The real ball was another matter. It moved on its own and continued to corrupt and when it was cut open it was revealed to be black to the core. In disgust, it was chopped up, the bits were burned in a raging fire, the ashes collected and the ashes were buried in a corner of a graveyard. The grass turned black on that spot and nothing grew there ever again.

When Brian woke up, he was still very sick but he was better than before. During the course of that winter, when the weather was bitterly cold, the trees were bare, and snow was piled high and measured in feet and not inches, Brian slowly recovered his strength.

At first, when he heard that his ball had been so callously destroyed and thrown away, Brian was most upset. Wasn't it enough that he had lost a nut and that he could feel the replacement was a dead, hollow, kind of non entity? Did they have to treat the real one with total disregard and disrespect!?

The doctors tried and tried in vain to explain the facts and circumstances but Brian cared for neither of these. He was sulky and depressed and spoiled and found fault in every little thing and generally made life miserable for everybody.

Finally, knowing something had to be done, Kind Jack went to the metal-smiths and put his order in.

A few weeks later, the thing was ready. King Jack came to his son and presented him with the gift.

"Here. Look, Bri, I know you think I don't care much about you but that's just not true. I'm a little sorry that you won't know the joy of having a son of your own and I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish you'd live your life so that this type of thing wouldn't happen. But I do love you. I'm sorry you lost a ball and I'm very sorry along with everybody else that it had to be destroyed the way it did but what's done is done. So take this as a replacement and try and be comforted."

He left the velvet box on Brian's bedside table and left. Brian opened it after he was gone.

Inside, was shining gold. It was exactly the shape and size of his now one and remaining testicle. Brian reached out and took hold of it and it was cold and smooth and heavy and it fit into his palm deliciously. He turned over to go to sleep and stroked it with his thumb, enjoying the smoothness of it. After this he took comfort from it, drew strength from it, and became in a better mood. He loved it.

It was a little fragment of sweet sunshine.

His golden ball.

 Disclaimer: This is fanfiction only. No money is being made whatsoever, I just love Queer as Folk. Characters are out of character and Brian is a little younger.

Chapter 2

JUSTIN THE FROG

The snows melted and the bitterly cold winds died down and a gentle wind, a warm wind that smelled of green things growing took its place. The sun shone brighter and stronger. And finally, things began to grow. Spring had come.

One day, Brian went for his walk as usual. All winter he had gotten stronger and stronger and now that spring had come, he was well enough to walk around for a while before getting tired.

And as he walked today, he could feel the warm wind healing him even more. He walked by willow trees that were just shooting out new leaves. There was a pond with new reeds growing and ducks and swans eating up the old growth from yesteryear. Many of the ducks had a passel of fluffy yellow ducklings. A bit beyond that was a grove of cherry trees adorned with the pink leaves of the cherry blossoms. Soon they would fall in a pink rain but it was not quite time for that.

Robins and bluebirds, swallows and goldfinches were flying around, having recently migrated home. The twittered and tweeted, searching for worms and extra grasses and brush to pad their nests.

Brian walked a bit further and then a bit further than that. He was careful to avoid the mud and mud was everywhere. And in the mud, growing wild everywhere were the bright yellow of daffodils.

The sky was blue, the clouds were like cotton balls and the yellow sun was strong and warm. Brian took another healing breath and felt the good spring air do him good. Yellow duckings, yellow flowers, yellow sun. Brian dug into his pants pocket.

"Ahhhh, there might be a lot of beautiful things in nature that are yellow," he murmured, "But none are more beauteous than you, my sweet drop of sunshine," he said to his golden ball.

Brian had come to love his golden ball more than ever. More than anything. It was his talisman, his rock. He drew strength from it and secretly...he liked to play with it too, like a real ball, throwing it up and catching it and sometimes catching it with his foot too.

In this way, strolling along, throwing his ball up, sometimes catching, sometimes missing it, Brian meandered along, not really paying attention to where he was going. And so it was, he suddenly looked up and gasped. He had no idea he was heading here but here he had come and he realized this was his destination all along.

A giant willow tree was towering above him, its branches trailing on the ground. The leaves were just starting out, bathing the giant tree in a pale golden yellow. Brian could see that when the leaves had grown out they would form a fully enclosed bower and he would be completely hidden.

Brian stepped through the branches and saw that the space inside would be huge. And inside, near to the trunk was a dilapidated and forgotten well. It was from this well water that the willow was drawing its strength.

There was even a very old bucket attached to a very old string. Brian dropped it in and drew up a small amount. The water was cold and clear and sweet. This would make a perfect, private hideaway.

Brian would never admit it but he had become a very private and solitary person. He preferred being alone and he had never taken another lover since....it happened. Every time he had an urge, he would think about his surgery and dark and reddish visions would flash through his mind and he just wouldn't be able to go through with it.

"Who's that? Who's there!?" called an echoing voice out of the well.

"Hello! Who's there!? Are you stuck? Should I get someone??" called Brian.

There was a splashing noise, a kind of scrabbling and then a very large green frog jumped out of the well and onto the side.

"No, no! It's nothing like that! There's only me and this is my home. Nobody's been to draw water from my well in a long time so hearing the bucket after all these years was quite startling." The frog said in a croaky voice.

Brian stared at the frog, who was large enough to fill his hand. It was green and smooth with powerful hind legs that would make a Frenchman cream in his pants. His eyes were huge and black and bulbous. It was very ugly.

"You're a frog," Brian said simply.

The frog stared back at Brian who had brown eyes and dark brown hair. The hollows of his cheeks were turning into dimples. He had a nice chin and was tall and thin which Brian was turning back into lean muscle he was wearing leather pants and a creamy silk shirt. On his head he wore a circlet of gold encrusted with a single ruby that rested on his forehead. He was very handsome.

"You're right," said the frog.

"You can talk."

"Very astute of you to notice."

Brian sat on the edge of the well and continued to stare. "You're a frog that can talk."

The frog propped its head on one of its front legs and looked sideways up at the addled prince. It looked...bored.

"Yes, I think we covered that," the frog said, and bingo, it sounded bored.

Brian shook himself. "I'm sorry, I didn't know frogs could talk."

The frog shrugged in an ‘I don't know what to tell ya here!' type of way. "You learn a new thing every day?" he suggested unhelpfully.

"What are you doing here?"

The frog sighed and propped his head on both front arms. He rolled his bulbous eyes and then blinked them sideways in a way that was terrible to behold. He had decided the prince was addled or very stupid or both. He began to speak in a voice reserved for children and the elderly, slowly and distinctly.

"I'm a frog. I live here. I swim and eat bugs and hop and haven't seen anybody in as long as I can remember. What are you doing here?"

"I...I don't know. I was looking for a place to be alone. I guess I found it."

"Why should a handsome fellow like you want to be alone? I'm sure lots of maidens would be clamouring after you."

"Well, first of all, I'm into dudes. And second of all, I guess you're right but I've been there, done that. I guess the clamour got to me after awhile."

At this speech the frog looked at him with a bit more interest as if he realized he was a bit more than a half wit. "I see," he said simply.

Brian looked at the frog. The frog looked back at him and blinked in that queer sideways way again. There was a bit of a silence.

"So, uhhhh....what do we do now?" asked Brian.

"I dunno...." answered the frog, "Did'ja wanna fight about it? I know froggy kung fu!" he whispered conspiratorially.

"HUH?? Fight about what? NO!!" Brian yelled, shaking his head a little in confusion.

"Oh thank GOD!" the frog deflated several sizes in sheer relief, ‘because well, I'm me and you...you're you and...and well you know....bigger..." he trailed off lamely in a bit of a confusion.

Now it was Brian's turn to look over as if the frog was addle-pated.

"Look, why don't you tell me your name? Do you have a name?"

"Of course I do," said the frog, "It's Justin."

"That's a weird name for a frog."

"And what did you think my name should be?" a hint of a warning.

"Oh, I don't know, like Greeny or Hoppy or Warty..."

"And just what pray tell is your name?" asked Justin.

"I'm Brian. Prince Brian."

"Gee...that's a funny name for a Prince," said the frog sarcastically, "I would have thought it'd have been Ill-Mannered...or Insensitive...or Insulting... or Horse's A-..."

"OK! OK1 I get your point! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Justin it is! Oh dear! This isn't going very well at all!"

"Well how did you think things were going to go?" asked Justin.

"Well usually, I don't have any problems chatting up guys. If I was in the village, by this time I'd have some guy bent over the town....he he he....I mean....never mind!" Brian trailed off nervously, smiling a little too widely.

Justin just looked at him wide eyed for a few beats. "OOOOO......Kayyyyyy then...well....I'm going to go now...feel free to enjoy the loneliness for as long as you like but don't fall in the well....or hit your head on the tree....Seems like it's taken enough of a beating already!" he said not quite under his breath and then jumped back into the well.

After the splash of the frog going down and away, the space under the willow tree seemed very empty and silent. Brian tried to do as the frog had said and enjoy the loneliness but suddenly the little hideaway seemed too silent and lonely.

Eventually, he wandered back over to the well.

"Froggy! Frog! Uhhh...Justin! Justin! Come back! I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings! I haven't really talked to anyone or made a friend in a long time! I guess I'm rusty! Justin!? Are you there? If you come back, I'll...I'll...I'll...." Brian racked his brain. "I'll show you my most precious possession!"

The frog's head broke the surface of the water. "Oh very well! But do stop shouting! The sound is going all through me!!"

"Oh! Sorry." Brian said in a lower tone and dropped the bucket into the well. "Here. Elevator service!"

"And so, a bit against his better judgement, the frog got into the bucket and Brian hoisted him up again.

"So what did you want to show me?"

"Look, first of all, I wanted to say I was sorry. I'm not simple or crazy, I've just been mostly alone for about 6 months. I guess my social skills are a little rusty."

"How is it that the Prince of the valley has been alone for 6 months? Were you on sabbatical and living in a cave?"

"No! I've been sick. I nearly died."

"Oh. I see. I'm sorry about that. I'm glad you're finally all right."

"Me too. I was pretty low there for awhile. But my Dad gave me a present and I took comfort in it. It became my most precious possession. Behold!" And he took out the golden ball from his pocket.

"Wow, is that gold!? That's pretty impressive. Wait...why's it shaped like that? Is that...is that....is that a testicle? Ewww!! Oh, Brian!"

"Wait! It's not what you think!!"

"I think you had a sickness in your balls, had one cut or mangled, and to comfort yourself you had a replacement made out of gold which you now carry around like a creepy trophy," said the frog.

Brian deflated. "Oh. So it is what you think....Wait!" he yelled as he saw the frog about to jump away again, "It's not exactly like that! Yes, I was sick and yes I had to have a nut removed but the prosthetic is made out of smooth and polished wood and it's in there now! This...this is just a sort of....plaything....a comforter...a talisman. My Dad gave it to me. And I love it."

"Oh. I guess I can understand that. I often wished I had more attention from my parents."

"Where are your parents?"

"My parents abandoned me before I hatched into a tadpole."

"Oh! That's terrible!"

"Mehh! It's a reptile thing," said the frog breezily.

"Oh, I see."

"Although technically, I'm an amphibian," clarified the frog.

"Right."

There was a pause.

"Aaannny-way..." Brian soldiered on. Why was this so difficult? "I can do tricks with it." And he attempted to amuse Justin by showing him. He tossed it as high as he could in the air and caught it easily in a palm. He tossed it from foot to foot a few times and then tossed it very high in the air and attempted to catch it again. But this time the ball slipped from his fingers. Brian grabbed with his other hand and it slipped out of those fingers. He grabbed and grabbed and grabbed again but the smooth ball slipped away from him each and every time. At last the ball simply jumped away from him, landed on the edge of the well, teetered back and forth a few times between falling on the ground and into the well. Brian made a frenzied grab for it, knocked against the stone it was teetering on and dislodged it. The ball, the brick, and nearly the Prince of the Valley fell into the well with a splash. As it was Brian ended up lying on his midriff halfway in and halfway out of the well.

"NOOOO!!!!!" he screamed, "SHIT, NO!!"

The frog watched all this with great interest. "That was indeed a great trick." He looked down into the well. "So...is there a trick to getting it back?"

 Disclaimer: This is fanfiction only. No money is being made whatsoever, I just love Queer as Folk. Characters are out of character and Brian is a little younger.

Chapter 3

THE DEAL

Brian rose back up slowly. He thought the frog was making fun of him. His face was a mask of rage and hate and grief and loss. It wasn't a good combo.

"NO! That wasn't part of a trick! It's lost! It fell in and it's lost!" He stomped around and breathed like a bull and basically tried not to lose it and come up with a plan. He stomped back over and began to unbutton his shirt.

"Maybe I can get it! How deep is the well!!?" yelled Brian.

Justin large eyes were fixed onto Brian's smooth and defined chest and 8 pack abs. He didn't answer.

"How deep is it?" Brian yelled.

Justin shook himself a little. "I'm sorry did you say something? I was a little....distracted..." He stared at Brian's exquisite musculature.

"How....DEEP is it!? I want to try and dive for it!"

"Oh! It's about 20 feet. You'd never make it."

"D'OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Well, actually what he said was a great deal ruder and foul with words starting with the letter F and all. But this is a Springtime happy fun time story and even though I'd LOVE to tell you what he said, I'm afraid I can't. It's against the rules. So you'll just have to imagine it.

So after the Prince had yelled and screamed a great deal more of....those words....and eventually started to hyperventilate, the frog said:

"My goodness, is it really worth all that to you?"

"More! It was my most precious thing! I can't stand that it's been lost forever! Especially in the cold and the deep and the dark like that!"

"Well...if it means that much to you...I suppose....I could get it for you!"

"What!!!? You could?? Of course you could!!! Oh, Froggy!! Oh Justin! Would you!? Could you get me my golden ball!?"

"I could. But we're not exactly friends yet at the moment....are we Prince Brian? I'll do it...for a price!"

"Well, I thought we were getting to be friends...but if not well...what would you want? I'll give you all the gold I have in my purse right now and send ten men here tomorrow with ten more purses!"

"No Brian." Justin patiently explained, "I'm a frog. I don't have any use for human money or other metal."

"Food! I'll send over the most choicest meats! The juiciest, most succulent pears you've ever tasted! The sweetest chocolate! I'll..."

The frog zipped out is long tongue and easily grabbed himself a huge horsefly.

"No Brian, I don't need food. I catch anything I need on my own."

Brian was getting desperate and more than a little frustrated. It wasn't a good combo.

"Then what!!? What do you want!?"

"Well, as I said we are not friends...yet. But I think I know of a way for us to become friends. Plus, you've been to my home. And I would very much like to see your home and see royalty before I die."

Brian narrowed his eyes. "Yeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh?????????"

The frog dropped the other shoe. "So....if you invite me to the castle....let me meet the King and Queen and your family...stay for dinner..."

"I thought you didn't eat human food," Brian gritted out.

"I can catch my own....or just sit there on a soft pillow next to you.....and then spend the night next to you on a silken pillow....for this....for this I would happily get your golden ball."

Brian was speechless and red-faced with rage and disgust. He took several long calming , deep breaths and closed his eyes He took a few more. He realized the frog had him over a barrel. He had no choice if he wanted his golden ball back, which he did, more than anything.

So he plastered on a wide smile and said: "Well OK! That sounds like something we can do! You got it....buddy." He hated the way the last bit came out so fake but fortunately the frog didn't seem to notice.

"Huh!? Really!?"

"Sure!! I mean, I'm sure my parents would love to meet the guy who helped the Royal Prince out of a jam and I've always wondered a...little...what I'd be like to sleep....next to....a frog." Brian took deep breaths and managed not to throw up in his mouth a little. Well....mostly.

"So....a deal then?" the frog asked carefully.

"Sure....It's a deal," Brian confirmed.

The frog nodded and jumped into the well. Brian waited for many minutes on tiptoes and bated breath.

Finally, the frog broke the surface. He was paddling extra hard to keep on top of the water but he had succeeded. He had Brian's ball in his mouth.

"Gimmegimmegimmegimme!!!!" Brian levered himself down into the well again and grabbed, grabbed, grabbed at his ball. But it was no use. The water level was just inches too low for him to get it.

"Oooo ohhhhhh!! Ett uhh-et!" the frog garbled, his mouth too full of Brian's ball to make sense.

"Huh??" asked Brian, who couldn't make sense of Justin's gobbledegook.

"Ett- uhh-ett! Ett - uhh-ett!"

Brian shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

Justin sighed and rolled his eyes. He spit the ball out into the water and it sank out of sight again.

"Get bucket!" the frog barked out and then quickly dived and swam down before the ball could sink all the way down to the bottom again.

Oh, of course! Brian scrabbled and his questing fingers actually knocked it away a bit but in the end, he managed to get it and have it ready for Justin when he broke the surface of the water again. The frog was kicking very hard this time and he looked very tired from carrying the heavy piece of gold up out of the water two times.

This time Brian was ready. He lowered the bucket and the frog swam in and then spit out the ball into the bottom. He sat there heaving and exhausted.

With great joy, Brian hauled up the bucket and snatched up his treasure. He washed it off a bit in the water in the bucket and then held it aloft and enclosed it in his palm where it belonged. He ran his thumb over the cool smoothness and felt peace and tranquillity return to his soul.

"You're back," he whispered rapturously, "And I'm never letting you out of my sight again! My sweet Sunshine!"

"Uhhh...Brian? Are you there? Did you say something, buddy?"

"Not a thing!" And Brian bumped the bucket, dumping it, frog, and all back into the well. Before it even hit the water, he was off at a run. When it did splash, he was away from the tree and by the time the frog had figured out which way was up he was gone.

"Brian!! Brian, buddy!!? You still there?" came a croaky and echoing voice out of the well to an empty hideaway. "So.....what time too-morrrr-ow!!?"

 Disclaimer: This is fanfiction only. No money is being made whatsoever, I just love Queer as Folk. Characters are out of character and Brian is a little younger.

Chapter 4

DINNER

The next day:

By the time Brian was sitting down to dinner, the day after, he was patting himself on the back for getting away with the whole thing, clean as a whistle. This was interspersed with guilty feelings that he'd gotten away with it, clean as a whistle.

That is until 6 PM, just as they were all sitting down to dinner. It was then that a servant knocked politely on the door and entered, carrying some flowers. There was a bunch of posies and sweet peas, fresh and carefully arranged in one hand and a single daffodil in the other.

"Uh, good evening, Your Majesties," the servant began, bowing low. "This may sound a little odd but there is a frog at the front door. He claims he has been travelling almost all yesterday, long into the night, and then all today for the privilege of being in your presence. He says he was invited to dinner by Prince Brian after he rescued his golden...ahem...plaything from a well. He asked me to send these along to you. The posies and sweet peas are for the ladies of the house and the daffodil was for the Prince."

The flowers were handed over and Queen Joan and Claire ohhh-ed and ahhh-ed over the pretty spectacle put into a nice vase. The daffodil was practically shoved into Brian's hand as at first he didn't want it.

"A frog!? What's this all about, Brian? Did you invite a frog to dinner?" asked King Jack. "Why didn't you tell us about this?"

"I didn't really think it was worth mentioning. Yes, my ball fell down his well and there was some talk about dinner and whatnot but he also put out that he wanted sleep with me. I can't very well sleep with a frog now can I? So I thought he was just wishful thinking and came home again." He reviewed all that crap that he just spread and tucked his lips in and smiled his most innocent smile. Yes....that ought to do it...he hoped.

"Well, obviously it was NOT wishful thinking! The poor little fellow's been on the move for nearly two days straight! Take a seat cushion and fetch him right away!" the king ordered the servant. The servant clicked his heels and obeyed.

Brian was horrified. This was not going well at all. "Uhhh...Dad!? Is this really necessary? I mean....this creature's obviously delusional. I don't want that filthy creature sitting next to me watching me eat."

"But he rescued your ball! Besides, tell me the truth Brian! When you two were talking about him coming over, did you promise him? Did you make a deal?"

Well, when the King asks for the truth, it was law to have to give it to him. And besides that, Brian had never lied to his Dad before anyway. So he was forced to answer, "Yeah, we...sort of...did....make a deal."

"Well then, a deal's a deal!" the King said as if that settled the matter.

"But Dad!" Brian thumped the table a little harder than he meant to. "He's a frog."

"Then he'll probably be a higher class than more than a few of your boyfriends!" Jack did not like that thump. "And besides...you owe him. The Kinneys always pay their debts! Now that settles it and you be nice to your guest!"

"Yes Dad," Brian was forced to grit out and a few minutes later the servant returned with the large, ugly, green frog riding high upon a golden silk pillow.

The frog indicated to the servant that he wanted to be set down on the chair next to Brian. The servant did so and withdrew.

"Thank you all for having me," said the frog, "I hoped you all enjoyed the flowers. They were all fresh spring flowers and I thought you might like them. I chose the daffodil especially for you, Brian. It's yellow and yellow is symbolic of friendship. Did you know that?"

"I did not. I guess you learn a new thing every day," said Brian.

"I suppose Brian told you how we met," the frog said, "I don't want to bore you with the details if you've heard them already."

"Actually, Brian's been rather...sketchy...with the details," said King Jack, "Do tell."

The next little while passed as a sort of waking nightmare for Brian as the stool pigeon frog did exactly that! He glossed over the initial meeting and banter of course and went right to the details of how Brian tried to amuse Justin with his ball and it fell into the well. Here the frog again "glossed over" the details and simply said that Brian "got upset" and so for a price the frog offered to get it for him. Brian pinched his nose in embarrassment and stress as the frog very clearly and non-delusionally described their contract. That Brian would invite him round to meet you good folk, so he could meet royalty before he died. (Queen Joan, Claire and more than a few courtiers gave a hitch and a sniff at that little gem.) Then to sit beside him during dinner on a pillow and then sleep in a Prince's chamber on a silken pillow.

As he drew to a close, gave one of those queer reptilian blinks that were both sideways and up and down. He did this to make a quick scan and he saw Jack's shrewd interest and Brian's undisguised hate. Under the table, in full view of only Justin, he was pounding his fist into his other palm.

"And yet here you are, a day later, on your own. What happened after you got the ball back Justin?" asked King Jack.

Justin paused. Then he laughed easily in a croaky sort of laugh and said, "Oh well, I was exhausted and Brian was excited. I think I dozed off a bit and when I awoke I was in the half filled bucket in the well. I'm sure Brian must have just bumped it...by mistake and then gone his way. Right Brian? By accident...." And he looked at Brian and one of his eyes blinked down.

The little fucker was winking at him.

He looked up and smiled tightly. "Right. Right, that's exactly it! I was excited and ran off and maybe even half convinced myself it was a bad dream. I guess I must have bumped the bucket when I left."

Then he just shut up and pasted the most innocent...well, least guilty smile on his face and sawed a piece of steak and chewed it slowly and deliberately and pretended the rest of the table wasn't looking at him like he was dirt. And prayed.

After digesting this new information and his own piece of low calorie, low fat, no taste dinner, King Jack finally spoke.

"Well Justin, I apologize for my son's careless and inexcuseable behaviour and I promise that you will have everything you were promised. After dinner, Brian himself will carry you up on your cushion and we'll all see you down here for breakfast." Here he looked at Brian. "Or else."

Brian just rolled his eyes and murmured, "Geez, I thought I was supposed to be the drama queen!"

To cover, Justin cleared his throat and said, "Would anybody like to see a demonstration of froggy style kung fu?"

"Ohhh, what's that? That sounds neat!" exclaimed Claire.

"Ohhh, but don't you want anything to eat Justin?" asked Queen Joan.

"It all looks delicious....for a human," said Justin, "But I'm afraid I cannot eat any of it. I humbly request that a small piece of leftover meat be brought with us to Brian's room. We'll put it on the windowsill and it will draw the flies I need for dinner. I'll eat then.

"You heard him boy!" Jack said, pointing his fork at Brian, "Save a bite of that steak for your friend."

Brian rolled his eyes again but nevertheless very deliberately sawed off a chunk and put it on his bread plate. His eyes never left his father's. The tension was so thick you could have cut it with the steak knife Brian was using. I'd like to tell you more about it but this is a Springtime happy fun time story and I'm afraid it's against the rules. So I'm afraid you'll just have to imagine it.

"Anyway...Froggy kung fu is an ancient form of self defence requiring much discipline and training from a frog kung fu master. I learned it far away many years ago in my youth and have never forgotten," said Justin.

"Ohhh! I'd love to see!" Claire squealed.

"Well then...with your permission..." when the King didn't say anything and the Queen made a light gesture, Justin took that for the green light and hopped onto the table.

What followed defies description...so here goes:

Justin took a veeeerrrrrry deep breath and expanded to twice his size. He rose slowly on his hind legs and until he was standing on his hind legs. He adopted a fighting stance. He then began a dazzling array of kicking and jumping and twisting that had everyone's mouth dropped open. He stomped on a fork and then a spoon. They flipped into the air. Justin jumped into the air, and grabbed the fork while it was still spinning and used it to bat the spoon at either end, juggling it, in this perfectly controlled way, all the way down. Then he threw them in a high arc. As they flew through the air his jumped and twisted and flipped his way across the table and spun around just in time to meet the utensils. He caught them perfectly. He bowed, dropped the fork and spoon and yelled Hee-yaaaaahhhh!!... and jumped high into the air and all the way back to Brian, which was a long way...well, for a frog. He landed exactly on the top of Brian's head and stood there on his find legs and posed: TA DAHHH! Then he jumped off, flipped three times in the air and then landed in front of Brian, bowed again and exhaled. He deflated back to normal. He bowed again to say, that's it...and then hopped back onto his pillow.
There was tumultuous applause from everyone but Brian.

The waking nightmare continued when, as the dinner and then the evening hours continued, the frog became the life of the party. He recited poetry. He jumped to the window and croaked a greeting and was joined by three bluebirds and a lark. They all joined in with the frog as he sang a strange croaked out frog song that was at the same time hauntingly beautiful. Afterwards all bowed but then the birds flew off to go to bed. He told stories of his younger days as a traveling frog helping those in need with his kung fu. He told jokes. On it went.

And with every passing moment Brian hated the frog more and more and everyone else loved him more and more and wanted more. There was nothing he could do.

Finally, when he was sick and tired of taking it up the ass (and not in the positive, life affirming way) and besides which he was just plain bored as well, and when the frog was just starting to juggle three large purple grapes, Brian gave a distinct, long, and loud yawn

"Well, I think I've just about had enough "excitement" for one evening," drawled Brian, in his best, ‘I've never been so bored and I couldn't give a shit' voice. "I think I'll turn in."

"Don't forget your guest," smarmed King Jack.

"How could I forget him?" returned Brian in an icy cold, furious voice he had never dared to use on his father until right now. But he was so angry. He stared defiantly into the king's eyes and continued, "When he's been making a spectacle of himself all night! Well....Come on Froggy! Hop aboard the Froggy Express!"

Frog Justin said his good nights and bowed a last time and hopped onto his pillow. Everyone murmured sympathies and accolades and goodnights to Justin and stared daggers at Brian for being so rude which Brian ignored utterly. Then he picked up the cushion in one arm, the plate with the meat on it in the other hand and without so much as a good night or a backward glance to anyone, left the room and went his way to bed.

 A/N: Thank you to all who are reviewing! It makes my day!!

Disclaimer: This is fanfiction only. No money is being made whatsoever, I just love Queer as Folk. Characters are out of character and Brian is a little younger.

Chapter 5

IN THE BEDROOM

All the long way up to Brian's apartments, Justin looked around him as if he were at the finest museum of art, looking at all the art and tapestries and urns and suits of armor that decorated the halls. However, all this stuff was lost on Brian who'd seen it for the 25 years of his life that he'd been there. But every time he'd try to move things along, the frog would say: "Hold up! Hold up! I'll never get to see this again in my life! Slow down! Slow down!...Or I could call your father..."

And so Brian was forced to slow down. The whole trip was like travelling through molasses and twice as torturous. It took forever.

However, at last...at last they were there. Brian slid open the heavy iron door, dumped the cushion on a chair and slammed it shut again and locked it. (Every royal had been allowed to decorate their apartments any way they'd liked and Brian had had some very interesting ideas.)

Justin's bulgy eyes roamed around the room, taking in the nice living area with leather couches, small kitchen and the absolutely HUGE bed dominating the center of the space.

"Nice place," he commented politely.

"I don't care what you think. You shouldn't be in it," Brian said rudely.

"We made a deal," pointed out the frog.

"A deal you forced me to make. There was no other way to get my ball back. It was coercion. When it comes right down to it, you're nothing but a wretched blackmailer!"

"Nevertheless, the deal was done. And your father expects me tomorrow morning. So how about we try and make the best of it?"

"Fine," said Brian, simply because there was nothing else for him to say, "What do you want to do?"

"I'm hungry. I'd like to eat, now that it is just you and me."

"OK." Brian opened the window and put the steak on the windowsill. "You'll have to wait a bit though. We're a ways up."

"Oh, that's all right. I'm quite used to waiting," answered Justin.

"Hey yeah, we are a ways up. A LONG ways up. I should just throw you out! Then I'd be rid of you once and for all! Oh dear! I'm sorry Father! You know how he liked to grandstand! He was showing off and there was nothing I could do!" Brian snickered evilly and advanced.

Justin hopped away to safety. There's only one flaw with that plan, my Prince."

"Oh? And what's that?'

"Uhhh...my kung fu, remember? I could have you out that window light years before you could get me. And besides, it's common knowledge that frogs are made of rubber. That's what makes us so shiny. So if by some miracle, you did get me out the window, and if I didn't land in the moat, I'd just tuck into a ball and bounce along the ground a bit. Then a short hop to the front gates, a short chat with your father and soon after you'd be arrested for attempted toadacide!"

"Rubber!? That's ridiculous!"

"So are talking frogs. And yet...here we are!"

Brian stood there tensed for a few moments and then turned away. He gave a muted sob.

"Oh I don't believe you for a minute! But anyway, you are right about your martial art skill. Besides I don't want you dead! I just want you gone! I don't want to share my bed with a frog! It's disgusting!" He sank onto the sofa and buried his head into his hands. His shoulders shook but he made no sound.

Justin looked at the Prince and hopped across the floor to him. He hopped up onto the sofa and then onto the back and looked at the sad Prince and his sorrow was mirrored in his big black eyes.

"Oh my Prince! I did not do this to make you unhappy. I truly wanted us to become friends. From what you told me about yourself, I thought you really needed someone and as for me...I wanted to share my life...such as it is...and not be alone when the end comes."

"You keep saying that. Are you so near death?"

"I think so. Frogs do not live as long as humans and I feel as if I have lived a long life...from a froggy point of view. And so, even though the winter has come and gone and spring is here and blooming, I think the autumn of my life is upon me. I fear my end is near. I did not want to be alone. But I do not want to be with you here this way, if it only going to cause you unhappiness. I'll tell you what. Let's make it double or nothing. If you can give me a kiss, I'll leave. I'll arrange it with the King so you don't get in trouble. I'll leave and you'll never see me again. If not, then I stay, without the hostility."

"Kiss you!?" Brian recoiled in revulsion.

"On the cheek. No tongue. I promise," Justin said, winking.

"Oh...." Brian took a deep breath, and bent toward the frog. Closer and closer he came. He puckered up...I can do this....I can do this...he thought.

"Uuuuggghhhhhhh!!! I cannot do this! I just can't! Oh, it's too horrible!" Brian moved away at the last second and resumed his place of despair on the couch.
"All right then! The deal stands! And it looks like my dinner is here. I must admit, I love Fly Take Out! And a pity this meat isn't a little older. I could have had some flied lice!"

Justin hopped over to a bedside table near the window and Zip! Zip! He began to snatch up the large horseflies that the meat was attracting.

After a delicious meal of horseflies, gnats, fruit flies, and even a big dragonfly that blundered over, Justin declared he was done. Brian knocked the meat out the window where it would fall into the moat and be eaten by the crocodile living there and shoo ed most of the remaining flies out the window and closed it. There were a few remaining but Justin hopped carefully around and hunted them all down.

"So...what do we do now?" asked Brian sulkily. The hostility had evaporated somewhat but he was still a sore loser.

"Well...why don't we just move on and pretend the accident had never happened and there were no bad feelings. There's no well here. Show me some more of those moves you were trying to show me yesterday."

"Hmmmmm.....well, it's not high enough for a high throw....but you're not the only one who can juggle, you know. And he grabbed his golden nut, and a few walnuts from a bowl and proceeded to juggle six nuts in a circle, then in a high circle, then in a criss-cross formation, and then threw one to Justin who caught it deftly. He threw it back. Brian threw him two. They began a back and forth routine as if they'd been practicing for years.

"There once was a man from Kantucket..." Brian began a filthy limerick, trying to make Justin disgusted or laugh or both.

To his grudging admiration though, Justin didn't break focus and instead began his own, filthier, more disgusting limerick. Brian quirked an eyebrow. Justin stuck out his tongue, grabbed a walnut and then spit it out and hit Brian in the forehead, a glancing blow, right between the eyes. Brian threw everything up and broke out laughing. He couldn't help it. This was all so ridiculous. He was juggling and trading poetry and being friends....with a frog! It was something that had never been heard of or would ever be heard of again.

And at that moment, something in Brian relented and relaxed and he smiled, a real smile for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"I'm sorry I've been horrible," he apologized, "I'll...I'll even give you that kiss if you'd like. To make up for being a sore loser."

Justin's froggy smile dimmed.

"What's the matter?"

"You want me gone. You want to kiss me so I'll leave."

"No. You can still stay. Here, this is your pillow." Brian came over and picked up Justin and carried him over to the bed and laid him on one of the many silken bed pillows. He laid down beside him. "Just be sure to stay on your side," he teased.

"I'll try and control myself," Justin returned flippantly.

And that's when Brian leaned over and kissed Justin on his shiny smooth cheek before he entirely lost his nerve.

 Disclaimer: This is fanfiction only. No money is being made whatsoever, I just love Queer as Folk. Characters are out of character and Brian is a little younger.

Chapter 6

JUSTIN THE PRINCE

"Ahhhhh! A kiss from a Prince! At long last. Now I understand...." Justin trailed off and his eyes closed as if in sleep.

Justin!? Uh....Justin? What do you mean?"

Brian poked him a little but Justin didn't move.

Brian was starting to get seriously worried, when Justin started to glow. Dim and green at first, the glow brightened and brightened to a dazzling white until Brian had to shield his eyes.

Brian watched in awe. It was magic! It had to be! Brian had heard there were witches who would perform spells for a price but all that stuff seemed dreadfully passé.

Brian watched as the glow grew bigger and bigger and stretched out further and further out onto the bed and then it faded and instead of a frog there was a handsome young man lying on his back, asleep. The young man wore a shimmering green tunic with big black onyx buttons, green legging tights and soft, leather shoes that curled up at the ends. The man seemed to be about 18 or 19 years old with golden blond hair, pert, kissable lips and a smaller build that was made for hugging and holding.

Brian was beyond surprised and astonished and more than a little turned on. His dick went woody on him and his mouth drooled a little to taste those pert lips and see what flavor they were.

The young man blinked a few times and then opened his eyes as he woke up. He yawned and stretched and turned over to face Brian. His eyes were the color of the sky.

He winked one of those gorgeous orbs slowly and deliberately. "Do I still have to stay on my side?" he asked cheekily, wiggling his pert bottom and snuggling closer to Brian.

Brian moved back a little. "That depends. "Who the hell are you? And what happened to Justin?"

The young man giggled a little and said, "Brian! It's me! I'm Justin!"

"You? But how?"

"I'll explain. I remember everything now that the spell is broken. My name is Justin Taylor. Prince Justin, as a matter of fact. On the north end of the Valley there is a tunnel that cuts through the mountain to a valley on the other side. My kingdom is there."

"I know of it. We call the king there King Crazy Craig of Mechanics because of his bizarre love of machines. Our spies even tell us he is building some kind of robot army."

"You would be wise to listen to them. I wouldn't put it past him after what he did to me."

"What? What did he do?"

"Well, I'm 19 now but I was 13 when I told him I'd rather marry a prince than a princess. He went berserk, screamed at me for being unnatural for about 2 hours and then just shut down and didn't say another word to me."

"That's terrible!" said Brian.

"It gets worse. The next night, I went to my room and this old woman with a fearsome wart was there with my father standing behind her. They were waiting for me. I remember my father's smug smile and then not much else. Before I could recover from the shock of being invaded, the woman spoke strange words and threw a green powder on me. I could feel myself floating. Then more hex words and her telling me the only way the spell could be broken was if a princess were to kiss me of her own free will. I remember hoping that applied to Princes as well, since I wasn't letting that happen. Then I blacked out. Then I was a frog. I'd always been a frog. I forgot my past, my family, my birthright, everything but on some level I must have remembered about the kiss. And then I met you. At last, I met you and made our deal. And then you kissed me and here we are."

"Wow! That's an incredible story! I'm sorry you're father was such a shit about everything."

"That's OK. And I understand that it was hard for you to kiss me as a frog. Thanks for overcoming and giving me a chance."

Well, I'd like to tell you that Brian was aloof and an asshole and that love is for straights and munchers. I'd like to tell you that life is not a fairy tale and the course of true love never ran smooth and that these two had many more adventures and trials and angst before they finally fell in love.

However, this is a Springtime, happy, super funtime story and it's against the rules. Sorry. Also, I'm in a bit of a time crunch here.

And so, it's my pleasure to tell you that somewhere along the way when Justin was recounting his story that Brian fell deep into his sky blue orbs and fell instantly and hopelessly in love with the Frog Prince. But he played it cool.

"I'm glad I did," he said, "Oh hey!" he added, as if he just thought about it, "What if you turn back again with a next kiss? Maybe we should kiss again? You know to be safe."

"Well, I feel all right. But you know....just to be safe," he agreed. They kissed sweetly and quickly.

"Anything?" Brian asked.

"I don't think so...But you know, that was an awfully quick kiss."

"Hmmmm....you're right. Maybe a longer one...just to make sure." Brian moved in and they kissed longer this time. Ohhh wow! Justin tasted just how his golden ball looked and made him feel. It was hot and sweet and golden all at the same time.

"Feeling OK? No turning back?" Brian asked.

"I feel great. No turning back," Justin said, looking deep into Brian's brown eyes. And Brian knew he wasn't talking about the spell. Then Justin grabbed him and pulled him forward and mashed their lips together and suddenly they were groaning and humping and rolling around on the bed like a couple of horny teenagers and they could not get enough of each other.

Brian grabbed onto Justin's luscious ass that was covered only by those yummy tights of his. And suddenly he was pulling, pulling them down and Justin was pulling at his buttons and then at Brian's clothing and they remained fused at the lips almost the entire time. They wouldn't let go of each other.

Finally they were naked and Brian moved down on Justin for an artful blow job. Justin moaned and writhed in ecstasy. They felt each other up and enjoyed each others' hard bodies.

Without warning, Justin flipped Brian onto his back and began his own blow job. Brian groaned. Justin's lips and tongue felt like heaven.

A long time later, Brian felt he needed more. He flipped Justin over onto his stomach and licked his way from his neck all the way down his spine to his ass. Justin shivered at the sensations and then cried out in pure pleasure as Brian licked his crack. He began to rim him, causing pleasures and wanton ecstasies that Justin had only dreamed of to rip through him again and again. Then Brian replaced his tongue with his hard cock, entering slowly, a bit at a time.

Justin gasped at the initial pain and then relaxed as he felt Brian's fullness filling him up. He groaned. He'd been waiting two lifetimes, a frog's lifetime and his own adolescence, now lost to him forever. He remembered fantasising about someone doing this to him constantly when he was as young as 13. (Yes I understand about the verb confusion (wink wink))

Brian rocked, deeper and deeper into our happy little bottom until he was down to the hilt. He moved up and down all the way in over and over, faster and faster. Justin was so tight, so wonderful, Brian couldn't believe it. He leaned forward and whispered sweet nothings and to make sure Justin was doing all right. Brian made out two words before a kind of mad joy overtook him. The words were faster...and...deeper.

And so faster and deeper he went, both men's moans and groans escalating to a climax as they...well, climaxed together. Brian pulled out just before, feeling the tightness in his one ball and shot all down Justin's back. Justin felt himself cumming and grabbed his tunic and came there so Brian's silk sheets wouldn't be wrecked.
After Brian had got up and gotten a cloth from the water closet and washed Justin up tenderly they got under the sheets and Brian gathered Justin's huggable body into his arms and they cuddled there before sleep.

"I'm sorry I was so awful to you when you were a frog."

"That's OK. I knew all I had to do was persevere. I knew...somehow, even without my memories, I knew...you were the one. Do you remember at the well? When you were getting ready to jump in the water?"

"Yes."

"I remember looking at your chest and abs and I was hooked."

"I'm afraid it took me a while longer...A little while ago after you turned human and five seconds after you looked at me with those blue, blue eyes."

Justin giggled softly in a way that made Brian want to stick his dick up his pert little bum again. But he was so tired...Soon...very soon.

‘It's a strange thing being in love," said Brian sleepily.

"Hmmm...?"

"I've never been in love before. I've had lots of sex but I had to seduce them all. I never really felt anything, you know? And then I got sick."

"What about your golden ball that I got for you? I thought you loved that. I think I remember something about...sweet sunshine."

"Oh well, that will always hold a special place in my heart. But it's just a chunk of gold. It can't love me back. YOU can. Can you? Will you?"

Justin looked up at him and smoothed his brown hair back comfortingly. "Of course, Brian. I already do."

Brian held Justin's face framed in his bigger hands and then smoothed both palms back through his blond hair and gazed deeply into Justin's blue eyes. Justin shivered. The whole move was pure erotica.

"And I love you. You....You are my Sunshine..."

THE END

  Disclaimer: This is fanfiction only. No money is being made whatsoever, I just love Queer as Folk. Characters are out of character and Brian is a little younger.

A/N: This went on a little longer than I thought and I finished at about 3:30 April 5th. So I split it into two parts and here you are right on the deadline.

EPILOGUE:

PARENTS

Or

MORE KUNG FU-OOLERY

Part 1

The next morning at 9 am, the royal family and the assorted courtiers were astonished to see Brian come down to breakfast with a young blond slip of a man wearing a green suit with large black buttons and soft, black, leather shoes that curled up at the ends. (Brian had sent the suit out earlier at 6 am for super fast laundry service and it had arrived about 15 minutes earlier. Of course this did not stop the Princes from sucking and fucking each other while they waited for the suit to be delivered.) And they had lots of practice....they'd been doing it all night.

Both men were glowing and happy and had that life-affirming freshly fucked look about them. They looked like they felt like their bones had been put through a blender and their whole bodies were made of a gelled substance. This was true. They looked completely relaxed. This was...mostly true.

"Brian! Where's your guest!?" yelled King Jack, right off the bat.

"Good morning to you, Father. I'm fine this morning, thanks for asking. My guest is right here. This is..."

"I don't care who this...this person who you managed to sneak in is. Where's Justin? Where's the frog?"

"This is...well, was the frog. This is Justin. And I wasn't aware that I needed to "sneak" people in." A hint of a warning.

But King Jack was in the middle of his egg white omelet, with two slices of unbuttered toast and orange juice, his standard low fat, low calorie, low cholesterol, low to no taste breakfast. It was making him cranky. God, what he wouldn't do for a little flavor! And maybe a waffle. Just one freakin' waffle! And so, he heard no warning.
"That's ridiculous! What do you mean this is the frog? That's impossible!"

"Nevertheless Your Majesty, that is the case. It's me, Justin. Of course, my full name is Jus..."

"Quiet you!" said Jack rudely, pointing his fork at Justin. "Brian, I told you, you needed to honor your deal! We wanted to see Justin at breakfast and to see him in general. What did you do?"

Brian rolled his eyes. "Parents! Geez! I told you this wasn't going to be easy!" he said, giving Justin a peck on the lips.

"I thought not," replied Justin, giving him a peck back. "It'll be OK. Just wait until he calms down. Queen Joan, Claire, good morning. Are you still enjoying the posies and sweet peas I gave you?"

Claire gave a gasp. "How'd you know about that?"

However, all this went right over Jack's head. He did not calm down. "Brian probably coached him to get out of trouble! What did you do, Brian? Oh my...Oh my God! You...you killed him didn't you? You killed him to get out of sleeping with him! Oh that is it!! I have had it with you boy!! You'll go up on charges for toadacide for this. And while waiting for your trial, I'm sending you to a very strict military school! You'll have to do math every day and play hockey! And no hair products!!"

Brian gasped in horror. "What!!!? No hair products?? Unthinkable!"

Jack smiled in evil triumph. "Guards! Place the Prince under arrest! And escort this rent-a-man out of here!"

Now the warning was distinct in Brian's voice. "Watch your mouth, old man! You go too far!"
Meanwhile guards with swords and spears were advancing.

Justin stepped forward and stood in front of Brian. He held out his hand like a traffic cop. "Stop! This has gone on far enough! NO-BODY touches the Prince! Stop!" he yelled with authority.

The guards were taken aback. Then they ginned at each other and chuckled. This slip of a boy was challenging them! Boy, was this was gonna be fun! They advanced again.

Justin just stood there and assumed the fighting stance. A small, grim smile curved his lips. Boy, was this going to be fun! "Just stay behind me!" he whispered to Brian.

"My favourite position," Brian said wickedly.

Justin groaned. "Mmmmmm.....Later, my Prince!"

And then the guards were upon them. And then....what transpired next defied description. So here goes:

As the guards attacked, Justin became a whirling, kicking, punching, spinning, blond boy mass of pure energy. As the first guard with a spear attacked, Justin grabbed the spear and lifted, using the man's own momentum. The guard was lifted up off the ground, over both their heads and across the room. The guard hit the far wall and collapsed in a heap.
Justin used the spear as a pole and lifted himself horizontal and did a quick spin around. He kicked out three guards and then lifted himself again and jabbed out carefully, kicking out and aiming behind Brian. He kicked three inches to the left of Brian's head where a guard was sneaking up behind him. The guard was knocked out.

Justin advanced, using the spear like a long staff, knocked out two more guards and batted countless swords away. Many guards were knocked or punched out.

That isn't to say they never landed a punch. They got some licks in too but whenever they actually tried to grab Justin or restrain him, he twisted free. He was slippery as a greased pig in a lard factory. The blows he received seemed ineffectual.

At last, one guard managed to chop his spear/long staff in half. "Ah HA!" he screamed manically.

Unfazed, Justin switched to two short staffs and whacked the guard in both shins. Screaming, the guard fell to his knees. Justin knocked his head between the two staffs until he was knocked out.

This, as well as many other moves later, too numerous and complicated to document, the remaining couple of guards were standing about 6 feet from Justin, intent on doing their duty yet at the same time unable and unwilling to approach him.

Justin assumed a dominate stance, feet planted firmly and wide apart and crossed his spear pieces into an X. Brian wisely stood behind him. Justin was heaving and gleamed with a layer of sweat.

"NO-body TOUCHES the Prince!" he roared again.

The remaining guards were still unsure what to do. They flicked their eyes at the King. King Jack sighed and made a dismissive gesture. The guards backed away slowly and then ran out of the room.

Brian watched the whole thing with his eyes wide and mouth open. Occasionally, he ducked and dodged from side to side but mostly he just let Justin work. And true to his word, as long as he stayed near Justin nobody touched him. Not a hair was out of place.

The two princes stood together in the middle of a sea of hunky and unconscious bodies. Justin tossed his pieces of spear on the floor and then the both of them picked their way carefully through and over the bodies. They approached the table again and sat down.

Everyone else was wide eyed as well. King Jack's mouth flapped open and closed like a feeding tuna.

"What the hell was that! Just WHAT is going on here?" he screamed.

Brian shrugged. "Ummmm....Looks like I just hired a bodyguard?" he suggested unhelpfully as he bit into a piece of a waffle.

"Ohhh, I know!!" cried Claire, "That was kung fu! That was Froggy Kung Fu! Daddy, it's him! It really is him! It's Justin!"

Justin smiled. "So good of you to remember, Claire. Yes, that's what it was. And that's who I am. I'm Justin the frog. And now, I'm Justin the Prince. Prince Justin Taylor, as a matter of fact.

"Taylor! Wait!? You're Crazy Craig's boy? But he said he ran away years ago."

"Yes. He would say that! But that was not the case. You see...."

And so, at last Justin was able to recount the tale of how he was transformed into a frog much the same way he did the night before. Everyone apologized for what they said and did especially the king and Justin graciously forgave them.

"Wow, that Craig guy seems like a total douche!" said Claire.

"Claire!" Queen Joan cried, shocked, "Table language!" Everyone ignored her.

"You have no idea!" said Justin and King Jack in unison and in the same frustrated tone. They both looked startled.

"Uhh, Your Majesty...I understand why I said that but why did you? What's Craig to you? What's he been up to since I'm been gone?"

"He keeps making threats of invasion and conquest. His latest missive claims that a massive clockwork army will be ready in six months."

Justin shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Parents!" he murmured in embarrassment. "Well, I told Brian this last night and I'll tell you now, I would not take this threat lightly. However...." he paused to chew his waffle.

"Yes!? However??" Jack leaned forward in eagerness.

"However...I believe I can help you. You see...I'm pretty sure I know the weak spot of his robots. You see...."

And as he talked further, Jack began to grin widely. He was beginning to like this boy.

 Disclaimer: This is fanfiction only. No money is being made whatsoever, I just love Queer as Folk. Characters are out of character (except Craig) and Brian is a little younger.

An extra visual, if you so desire with a bit of Bruce Lee action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIFIR_Zj5YY

EPILOGUE:

PARENTS

Or

MORE KUNG FU-OOLERY

Part 2

Six months later:

The king was in his counting house counting out his money.

His desk was covered in high towers of golden coins. Suddenly there was a huge explosion and the earth shook. All the towers of his money collapsed and his desk was covered with a pile of money that he was going to have to count all over again.

"Curses!" yelled King Craig, "What's going on out there?"

He ran out of his counting house into the main square of his palace and his face dropped in horror. His thousand mechanical man army stood there in long and even rows, and there was a young blond man out there beside a destroyed soldier. As he watched the blond man kicked out viciously and another soldier rattled and shook and then exploded.

"Ahhhhh!!" the young man said, "I thought so!" And he kicked a third one and destroyed it.

"HEY! What do you think you're doing! Cut that out! Who do you think you are, anyway??"

The young man turned to face him. King Craig blanched. No! It couldn't be!!

"What's the matter DAD!?" Justin spoke the name with utmost contempt, "Don't recognize your own son without gills?"
"I - I don't know what you're talking about," King Craig said prissily.

"Oh, cut the crap, Craig!" Justin spoke the name with loathing, "I remember you being in my room! I remember the witch! I remember every...single...minute of six years being a frog! Well, now I'm back! And I'm here to TAKE...YOU...DOWN!!" With each of the last three words, Justin kicked a mechanical man in the weak spot and there were three terrific explosions.

"NO! No! Stop! Please stop! OK, look Justin, I'm sorry OK. I just had to...to do something! I couldn't let your perversion infect the rest the kingdom! Besides, you're back now! I guess you came to your senses and found a princess to help you! Now you can come home...and help me. I'm about to conquer the neighboring valley. That's what all the robots are for. So please stop kicking them...there. "Craig's face twisted in distaste.

"Wow! There is not a single thing in that statement that is not fucked up! So I'm going to lay it out for you Craig! I'm gay! Granted, it's different than what you are, but it's not a perversion! It's who I am. It can't be infected! Thankfully, your little spell didn't care about gender as long as they were royal. I found a PRINCE in the neighboring kingdom who managed to break your spell. Six months ago. Last Spring when the daffodils were growing and the days were cool but warming. When the cherry blossoms grew, I found Brian. He overcame your curse and broke it. We're married now. Just like I dreamed. Married to a guy and luvvv-ing it!" he said with emphasis to twist the knife. "He and his family are my family now! So why would I help you to invade them. On the contrary....Crazy Craig...I'm here to destroy YOU!"

"Destroy ME! You insolent brat! You think you can wander in here all by yourself and threaten me? I don't think so. GUARRRRRDDSS!!" he screamed.

Nothing happened.

"GUUUAAAAAARRRRDDDS!!!!!" Craig screamed a little louder.

Still nothing happened.

"As I said...my husband broke the spell six months ago," continued Justin, talking in a weird sort of tone, the way one might converse at a polite tea party, "Aren't you curious why I waited to come until now? Oh excuse me..." He nonchalantly kicked a robot in the weak spot. It exploded with a great noise.

"Justin...No! Uhhh...ok! ok! Why wait six months?"

"Do you remember those kung fu lessons you started me on when I was 12? Well, I didn't. And while I was a frog I kept up my training," Justin kept coming and coming and his eyes were eerily hypnotic. Craig was afraid and backed away a bit.

Justin chose a spot and jumped and kicked, doing the splits in midair. He took out a man with each foot. "HEEE-YAHHH!!"

Craig gulped.

"In the last six months I've done a little training of my own. Of course, my pupils are nowhere as good as I am but they worked hard every day and I'm proud of them. And as new as they are...they are still very good!" Justin stuck two fingers in his mouth and blew a long, piercing, loud whistle. "You can come in now, honey!" he called.

A tall and handsome brown haired man entered by the front gate. He was dressed in fine, but light, red linen and wore his ruby crown, the same one he wore when he'd met Justin. He'd obviously been waiting there the whole time, waiting until Justin was finished with being alone with Craig.

"Hi sexy britches! Ummm...so where do I....?"

"Oh, right where I thought! Right where I told you!"

Brian continued up a row of robots. "Oh OK! Thanks!" He nearly reached them when he stopped.

"Mehhh, this is as good a place as any!" Without warning he jumped and kicked, doing the spits in midair. "HEEEE-YAHHH!!"

KAAABLAAAMMMOOO!!!!!!! And there went two more robots to that big mechanical gearwheel in the sky.

Craig's face went red as a beet but he saw where this was going. Justin had trained this bozo and now they thought they were going to break all his toys Think again.

"GUARRDDS!!!" he yelled again. Again there was nothing but eerie silence. Where were they?"

Brian reached Justin and drew him into his arm. He bent him back into a deep dip and kissed him soundly. "Hey there sugar lips! How long were you going to keep me waiting? How long has it been since we kissed?"

"Mmmmmm......" Justin was still recovering from the kiss, "Hours?"

"Too long!!" And Brian bent him back and tongue fucked him thoroughly.

"Do you mind!?" yelled Craig bitchily.

"Not at all! We do this quite regularly," said Brian.

"Don't forget frequently! Very frequently!" Justin added, pulling Brian in for another long round.

Craig just stood there tapping his foot and looking at his watch as if he were waiting for a train. And this was very odd because neither of those things had been invented yet.

At last they came up for air. Justin looked a little fogged. "Hmmm?? Whaa? Where was I?"

Craig sneered. "You came to show me your boytoy and break some of my mine! Hate to break it to you, but you two can't break them all before my soldiers get here and when they do, I'll lock you so far from the sun, you won't be able tell if your head is up each other's asses or not!"

"Wrong! We came to perform your own sentence upon you! You are coming back to our kingdom, not as king but prisoner, willing or not and it is you who shall be imprisoned for your many crimes starting with the ones you performed on your only son!" intoned Brian. "We just broke a few army men to get your attention! Right hon?"

"Right hon!" answered Justin, giving him a peck.

"Yahhhhh! Enough of this! Taste remote controlled death, BITCHES!!!" Craig pulled a black box out of his pocket and pressed a large red central button.

At that, the remaining 989 mechanical army men came to life and all converged on our heroes, pulled swords out of their sides and started to get stabby and slashy.

Brian and Justin easily blocked and avoided these monsters but the sheer numbers were going to cause them trouble. They needed help.

"Now?" asked Brian.

"NOW!!" yelled Justin joyfully.

And with that, they both stuck two fingers in their mouths and two long, loud, piercing whistles rent the air.

Along the top of the wall rose a line of men and women, all along the courtyard, who had been waiting there the whole time. Craig realized this is why his own guards weren't answering. They had been already captured hours ago. Most of them were probably dead.

"Take them out like I showed you, Brothers and Sisters!" Justin yelled. "I knew he was so afraid of sex as a dirty term that he'd never fortify them down there! Arrow them! Axe them, whatever! To destroy them....kick them in the CROTCH! And he did so with jumped joy to demonstrate.

The soldiers along the battlements whooped and began to do so with great joy! Arrows and flaming arrows flew down mechanized death like fiery rain. Moreover, a bunch of people ran in the front and began to engage them. They were dressed like simple farmer folk and carried torches and pitchforks and plowshares and rakes. Holy Shit! Craig realized they were farm folk!

And then...The farmers all began to battle cry HEEEE-YAAAH s and other wilder, fiercer ululations. And all the farmers began to jump and flip...and kick...and then all the soldiers cheered and just...jumped straight down into the courtyard and the farmers caught them and....

"Oh Hell!" said Craig.

...and the soldiers began to jump and flip and next moment the courtyard was pandemonium and complete confusion, filled with men and women flipping and jumping and flying through the air kung fu style. And of course, explosion after explosion rocked the space as one by one all the army men were destroyed.

"Oh Hell!" whimpered Craig.

"Oh, you can say that again!" said Brian, who was suddenly in his face, "Because now it's your turn! You see, I've been your son's most diligent and prize pupil, working with him each...and every...day...for six months for this express purpose....To live for THIS DAY! HEEEEE-YAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Brian yelled and snapped into his fighting stance. Justin was already there.

"YYYYAHHHHHHHHHGGGHH!!!" Craig screamed his own call of pure fear and ran for his life.

Of course, he didn't make it more than 6 feet before both Brian and Justin were upon him.

** ** **

Well, I'd love to tell you about how Brian and Justin kung fu whipped Craig within an inch of his life. I'd love to tell you in great detail about each flip and jump and kick and chop and about each and every bruise and scar he received and the magnificent colors they were from red to the most interesting shade of plum. About each and every tooth he lost.

I'd love to tell you how they clapped him in irons and dragged him off to a caged cart for transport home.

I'd love to tell you that they plundered all the gold and jewels they could find and set his palace ablaze and offered the subjects a tax rebate if they went willingly back to the Happy Valley in exile. Most of them took them up on it. Craig's mechanized kingdom was not a very happy place to live.

Oh wait. That's not so bad. OK I can tell you that.

Well, I do wish I could tell you how Craig was carted back to the Happy Valley in disgrace and how he was thrown into the deepest, darkest dungeon they had. It was an oubliette, if fact, which is a dungeon cell whose door is a trapdoor in the dungeon floor. That is, the cell's ceiling.

And I wish I could tell you that they left him to the devices of the prison keepers and otherwise forgot about him and lived the rest of their days in riches, peace and happiness. Ever after.

Well...I wish I could. But this is a Springtime, Happiness, Super Funtime Story and I'm afraid it'd be against the rules.

So you'll just have to use your imagination.

THE END

End Notes: OK, well there you have it! My take on Spring Fever Madness! Why Kung Fu? Why not? Plus the fact that I spent last week addicted to catching up with the Kung Fu Panda series and something in there must have stuck up my warped brain. So did this make the story: Stupid? Wild? Crazy? Dumb? Funny? I(I hope the latter) Well, maybe. All I know is I haven't had this much fun writing something since Merman. And that was creeping up on 4 years ago.