As the elevator reached Brian's floor he caught the scent of something that smelled vaguely familiar and oddly comforting. Even though his stomach was still rejecting most of what he put into it, he still felt hungry. Unfortunately, the one person whose cooking always made him feel cared for and loved, not counting Debbie, even though she used enough salt to dry out your insides, was someone Brian had thrown out of his loft and his life. 

He told himself he did it for the blond's benefit, and because maybe Justin would leave when he found out about the cancer, even though Brian knew in his heart that wasn't true. They were partners, as Brian had admitted many times, and Justin loved him with his whole heart and soul, the only way the blond knew how to love. In his heart Brian knew for a fact that Justin wouldn't leave because of this, but he felt that he wasn't worthy of the blond and didn't want to burden him with someone who was sick. He loved the blond just as much, and even though he had never said the words, Brian knew that Justin felt his love in the things he did for him. 

As Brian pushed his key into the lock he thought he heard someone familiar quietly humming. Shit. Steeling himself and trying to look strong, Brian pulled back the heavy door. Justin didn't even acknowledge him, he just kept stirring the pot on the stove. 

Standing up as straight as he could, Brian stomped to the other side of the counter as he said,

"I thought I told you to get out," while slamming down his briefcase.

"I guess I didn't hear you. You tend to mumble a lot. You want some soup? It's Debbie's homemade recipe," Justin asked as he dished some soup into a bowl, not even looking Brian in the face or acknowledging the anger in his voice.

Brian grabbed onto the counter, mostly to steady himself because he was feeling like crap. "No wonder I feel like barfing. Listen to me you little shit, I. DON'T. WANT. YOU. HERE.," he said slowly, enunciating each word.

"I don't care what you want," Justin said calmly, as he placed the bowl on a plate.

Brian walked around the counter and grabbed Justin by the arm, trying to drag him toward the door as the blond continued, 

"You're not getting rid of me." 

As they got near the door Justin pushed Brian away, causing him to fall to the floor. Justin quickly crouched down and begged, 

"Are you alright? Tell me you're alright."

"I'm alright," Brian shouted as he swung his arm back and smacked Justin in the stomach.

"You're not alright," Justin said as he helped Brian to his feet.

"Then what the hell are you asking me for? Brian spit out as he pushed Justin away.

"So I can tell you what a motherfucking piece of shit you are for not telling me. For shutting me out. For thinking you could handle this on your own," Justin shouted, even as his voice broke. "And most of all for thinking I would leave you. Why would you think that? Cause you had a ball removed? Cause you're no longer perfect? Well, believe me Mr Kinney, that's the least of your imperfections. And if I'd wanted to leave you, I've had better reasons, plenty of them."

"Maybe you should have," Brian said, challenging him.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. But I thought we had a commitment. And I plan to stand by it," the blond continued as he scratched the back of his head nervously, "Now why don't you get your ass back in bed you son of a bitch and eat some fucking chicken soup," he finished as he went to get the bowl of soup from the counter as Brian held himself and limped his way to their bed. 

Brian crawled onto Justin's side of the bed, not even bothering to take off his shoes. As he resignedly waited for Justin, he realized he had some serious thinking to do. Taking the bowl from Justin, he tasted the soup. 

"I made a few adjustments to Deb's recipe," Justin admitted. 

"You mean that you didn't use a whole box of salt in the soup," Brian said as he swallowed the warm, comforting liquid. "It's delicious. Thank you. I hope I can keep it down," he told the blond with a small smile. "Justin, I'd like to be alone for a while. You don't need to go out if you don't want to, but could you find something else to do besides sitting here, watching me?" Brian requested. 

"Sure, Brian. I'll go clean up the kitchen and then do some sketching," Justin answered, getting up and leaving Brian alone with his soup and his thoughts.

Brian sat there enjoying his soup and thinking about what had happened since he had come home. He realized that a lot of the tension he had been feeling since he had tried to shove Justin out of his life was gone. His blond had shown him again just how strong he was, and how much he really loved him. Justin had once again proved to Brian just how much of a man he was, and that he was not afraid to stand up to, and by, the man he loved. Brian knew that he needed to do the same. He needed to prove to the man that he loved that he was just as strong and just as brave. 

After finishing his soup and taking a short nap, Brian went into the bathroom to piss and wash up. When he finished, he went to the bedroom doorway and saw Justin on the sofa, sketching. He quietly called out, not wanting to startle him,

"Justin, when you're finished could you come up here? I'd like to talk to you." 

"Sure Brian," he said, setting down his sketchpad and pencil. Justin stood up and steeled himself for another possible argument. He didn't care what Brian said, he was not leaving. His partner needed him and he would be there for him.

As Justin climbed the steps to the bedroom he saw that Brian was sitting against the headboard with pillows behind him. When he looked at Justin, he opened his legs and patted the bed, letting Justin know that he wanted him to sit in between his legs. Brian usually did this when he didn't want to look at Justin's face as he talked. Justin knew that this could be a good sign. He smiled and sat carefully where Brian had indicated, not wanting to hurt him. 

Brian pulled Justin back so that the blond was leaning on his chest. He wrapped his left arm around Justin, holding him tightly. He reached for the blond head and tilted it back onto his shoulder, running his fingers through the silky strands. 

"I want you to just stay quiet and listen. Okay?" Justin nodded in response. Brian continued to run his fingers through the blond silk as he spoke,

"I've been doing a lot of thinking. You were right. I pushed you away because I thought it might be easier on you if you left. That was stupid of me, and I'm sorry. And before you say ‘sorry is bullshit', it's not if I really mean it, and I do. Sometimes I forget just how strong and tenacious you are. You are possibly the strongest and bravest man I know. You have never been afraid to call me on my shit, or to tell me how much you love me. Well, it's about time I show you just how brave I can be. I love you, Justin. I have for a long time. I have always tried to show you how I felt without actually saying the words. But I realized today that whenever I hear you say you love me, I get a warm feeling throughout my whole being. Well you deserve to feel that, too. At least I hope you feel that way when you hear it," Brian said as he felt a shower of wetness on the arm that was wrapped around Justin.

Brian turned Justin's face to his and saw tears pouring down the blond's face. He softly kissed Justin's lips before saying, 

"You can talk now, if you want to,"

"I love you so much," Justin said before taking Brian's face in his hands and kissing the pale raspberry lips. Then he turned around and got on his knees for a much deeper kiss.

"I wish I could make love to you right now," Brian said sadly.

"Shush," Justin whispered, "It doesn't matter. We can wait. It will happen when it happens," he said confidently.

"You are free to go out and get what you need," Brian told him.

"Or, I can do what I want and wait for the man I love to be ready. Which is just what I'm going to do," Justin responded firmly before changing the subject, "How is your stomach feeling?"

"Actually, it's feeling okay. I think I could use a little more of your soup. How about we eat at the table, like adults?" Brian asked. 

Justin climbed off the bed and offered Brian his hand. Brian reached out and threaded their fingers together as he got off the bed. After holding Justin in a tight hug for a few minutes they walked to the kitchen hand in hand. Justin heated the soup as Brian got out the dishes and silverware. They ate dinner quietly, stealing glances at each other and smiling.

After Justin cleaned up the kitchen they took a shower together and climbed into bed. Brian spooned behind the man he loved and slept better than he had since the surgery.

When Brian woke up before the blond the next morning, he just held him. Then he slowly inched back until Justin was on his back. For a minute he just enjoyed the view of the beautiful body of his lover, then he slowly moved down and took Justin's cock into his mouth. First he just held it there, feeling it harden in his mouth. Moaning quietly he started to lick and suck on the hard cock, loving the way Justin was now moving in his sleep. The look on Justin's face made Brian increase his efforts to get the man off before the blond woke up and possibly stopped him. Suddenly Justin woke up, cumming, as he shouted, "I love you, Brian."

Justin sat up quickly as he realized what had happened. "Brian, why did you do that?" he questioned, not really knowing how to feel.

"Because you looked so beautiful lying there half hard. And because I could," He answered, smirking.

"But, it's not fair. You can't right now," Justin answered.

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't. And since me making you cum makes me feel good, I'd like to be able to do it as long as I feel up to it," Brian stated, biting his lips and smiling at Justin.

Not knowing what to say next, Justin opened his arms and kissed his man good morning, enjoying the taste of himself on Brian's mouth.

Leaving Justin to bask in the afterglow, Brian went to start the coffee. While they waited for the coffee to brew, the men took a shower. After dressing for the day they went to the kitchen. Justin made a light breakfast for them and they talked. Since Brian's treatments would only be for one week, he agreed that having Justin accompany him would be a good idea. He could then go to Kinnetik for a couple of hours and Justin would drive him home before he felt the effects of the radiation treatments. 

********************************************************************

Two weeks later Brian went to the doctor for a check-up and blood work. Sitting down with the doctor after he had dressed, Brian asked when he would be able to have sex again. He and Justin had tried to fool around, but every time Brian started to get hard and the blond touched him, he deflated immediately.

"You are fine to resume your sex life right now," he replied.

"Well it would be much easier if I could get hard," Brian commented, somewhat sarcastically.

"There is no physical reason you can't have an erection," the doctor stated.

"How do I explain that to my dick?" Brian asked bluntly.

"I'm not sure how to answer that. Maybe you need to talk to someone. I could recommend a therapist, if you'd like." 

"Nevermind, I'll figure it out," Brian commented as he got up to leave.

On the way home Brian made a decision, one way or another, he was having sex as soon as they got in bed that night.

As soon as they had eaten dinner and cleaned up the kitchen Brian took Justin's hand and they headed to the bathroom for a shower. They had a relaxing shower, kissing and making out. Brian as still unable to keep himself hard, so when they left the shower he said to Justin,

"I want you to make love to me. You need to fuck, and I need to make sure you still know how." 

"Brian, you don't have to..."

"I know I don't HAVE to, but I want to. Please," He told Justin, biting his lips.

Justin smiled. If Brian wanted to do this, he was going to make it as wonderful as possible for his partner. He knew that Brian was mostly doing this for his benefit, and appreciated what Brian was doing.  

Justin tossed back the duvet and told Brian to get on his stomach in the middle of the bed. He then straddled the taller man. Starting at his neck, Justin kissed and licked along Brian's spine as he scooted down lower. When he got to Brian's ass he kissed the dimples and placed his hands on each cheek. Slowly parting the cheeks he kissed and licked until he got to Brian's tight hole. He slowly used his tongue, and then his fingers, to open up his lover. Brian reached over to the nightstand drawer and grabbed the lube and a condom. He placed them next to his hip so Justin could easily reach them. Justin continued his efforts, causing Brian to groan loudly. He loved that Brian was so vocal only with him. The most tricks got was usually a grunt of acknowledgement when Brian came. Justin then used the lube to open Brian up, he wanted to make sure to spare him any unnecessary discomfort. After several minutes Brian was ready to beg,

"Jus, please. I need you to fuck me, now."

"Okay. Turn over. I need to see you. I want to make sure you are okay."

Brian turned on his back and Justin smiled. All he could see on his lover's face was love, trust, and need. He was the only one who was allowed this pleasure. No one else got into Brian's ass. Justin moved so his knees were under Brian's ass as the taller man wrapped his legs around the blond's waist. After putting on the condom Justin used more lube to coat it before pressing slowly into Brian. Once Justin got past the first ring of muscle Brian used his strength to pull the blond's hips and impale himself on the cock of the man he loved. Justin stilled, wanting to give Brian a chance to adjust. After a moment though, Brian pushed up, indicating that he needed Justin to move. They looked into each other's eyes as they made love, thinking only about each other. Brian was not hardening all the way, but suddenly his cock started spewing cum all over both of them. This triggered Justin, who came hard with a howling groan. As Justin started to pull out Brian tightened his grip and said "Stay." Justin stayed until he couldn't stay hard and then slowly pulled out and tossed the used condom in the trash. They both had tears in their eyes as Justin spoke, running his fingers through the cum on both of them,

"Well, at least you can get off. Now we just need to get you back inside of me."

Brian laughed, "One thing at a time. By the way, you are a fucking great top. Thank you."

"I love you," Justin said as Brian pulled up the duvet and they fell asleep, all wet and sticky.