Brian was quietly lying next to Justin with his back to him, clutching the covers in his hand, breathing slowly so Justin wouldn't know he was awake. He could still feel him... inside... he could still feel the weight of his body on top of his and his cock inside him, like it was still there, filling him up, but at the same time he felt so fucking empty... it was such a strange feeling. He could also feel the kisses on his back and shoulders that Justin was placing there as he... fucked him. God, he had actually let Justin fuck him. It wasn't just a dream, it actually happened. And that wasn't even the scariest part... the scariest part was how much he actually liked it. And just that alone made him feel miserable... because he had completely given himself to him, given him all the control, his body, his ass... which he hadn't done since he was his age. He had been the ultimate top since fucking forever. No one could ever change that, he wasn't the least bit interested. The idea of having someone else's cock in his ass had just never turned him on in the slightest, strange as that may sound. He just loved fucking men's asses and having all the control. And he never once thought he'd change that for anyone. Not even Justin. And yet, he'd had his dick up his ass just a few hours ago... and he loved every damn second of it.



But now a really big part of him wished he hadn't let it happen. Because now he didn't know how to look him in the eye without feeling extremely uncomfortable and most of all pathetic. Because it didn't take a genius to know that this was more than just sex, and Brian wasn't the best at handling those kinds of situations. He wasn't the best at being vulnerable.



He didn't even know what had gotten into Jutin all of a sudden, sure, he'd expressed the desire to fuck him a couple of times, but it had never been like this, never really gone beyond mere words, probably because he knew Brian wouldn't even let him near his ass if it wasn't for rimming, so it actually surprised Brian at first, maybe even scared him a little, because it had been a really long time since he'd been that vulnerable with someone, but the urgency and need was so evident on Justin's face that Brian somehow didn't even try to resist. And if he was being completely honest, he didn't even want to resist. But right now he was totally freaking out, that was for sure.



"Brian?" Justin suddenly whispered in a soft voice, stroking his arm, trying to see if he was awake.



But Brian was just too paralyzed and afraid to answer that he simply closed his eyes tightly and did his best to look asleep. It was cowardly, but he didn't give a fuck at the moment. He just wasn't ready to have the talk. Let alone see Justin's face with "I fucked you and loved it" written all over it.



And Justin, thankfully, didn't try to wake him up, and after kissing him gently on the shoulder and quietly telling him he loved him, he got out of bed and went to take a shower. And then it took him a good twenty minutes to leave the loft, but once Brian heard the door close, he was finally able to get up too, feeling very relieved.



He usually really hated it when Justin had night shifts at the diner because being in bed without him really sucked, but tonight he was actually glad. He just really wasn't ready to face him yet. Even spending the night in jail suddenly didn't sound so bad, in fact he was thinking of calling Carl and asking him to throw his ass back in just to avoid Justin. Pathetic yes, but real.



"Fuck," he muttered under his breath as he suddenly felt his sore ass. Justin was trying to be gentle, but after all, this was the first time he was allowed to do this, so of course it got a little out of hand and he thrust really fast and really deep into him. Not that Brian was complaining at the moment, because seeing how much Justin was enjoying it and hearing the sounds he was making every time his cock went deeper made Brian's cock twice as hard, but right now it was just reminding him of what he'd allowed him to do, and he still didn't know how to feel about it. On one hand he really liked it and maybe could even see himself doing it again, but on the other hand he regretted it so fucking much and wished he had just said no. Christ, he should have said no.



The only thing that made the situation better was the fact that the fucking "Sap era" was finally over. He truly hated every second of it, and even though he didn't know what had made Justin change his mind all of a sudden, he didn't care, because all that mattered was that he was done with dancing and that fucking sleazebag. He just never wanted to see Justin and Sap together again, let alone think about the fact that he'd let him blow him and willingly snorted the drugs the creep had given him. Just the thought of him touching Justin made Brian extremely sick (and pissed) and he still couldn't believe that Justin had actually allowed it just so he could dance on that fucking bar, but Brian was just glad he didn't have to worry about it anymore and that he didn't have to spend another night watching horny guys shove money down his underwear. Justin was finally ready to accept his help and that honestly felt like a victory. He just wished it could have all been avoided. Part of him even wondered if he could have stopped it sooner if he had tried harder to knock some sense into him, because Justin clearly didn't realize how stupid he was being and how dangerous the situation truly was. It could have ended very badly for him, but Brian didn't even want to think about that.



Once it was time for Babylon, Brian got ready, but he'd be lying if he said it was easy, especially putting on pants was anything but easy. It was like his asshole wasn't even his, it burned and felt weird overall. He suddenly had an insane amount of respect for Justin (or any bottom). He never considered the uncomfortable part of it. Sure, it had always hurt a little, that was just part of it, and Justin actually loved the pain, but what Brian was referring to was the "after" pain and discomfort. He never had to deal with that shit, unlike Justin. It made him wonder if he'd ever went over the top and caused Justin real pain and he just hadn't admitted it to him. He really hoped he hadn't. But one thing was for sure, the next time he fucked him, he'd be more careful. But he was most likely just overreacting because his ass simply wasn't used to it, unlike Justin's. And he'd like to keep it that way.



Another thing Brian was sure of was that he would never take the simple act of sitting for granted again, because it was absolutely ridiculous when he tried to sit on a bar stool at Babylon - tried because he just couldn't. So he decided to simply lean against the bar and pray that it would go away soon, while he sipped his beer and scanned around, looking for someone he could take to the backroom and regain some of that control he'd given Justin. But as soon as his eyes met one of the hot guys on the dance floor, his phone started vibrating in his back pocket.



"Shit," he muttered when he saw Justin's name on the screen.



But he cowardly chose to ignore it, he just didn't want to talk to him. He was even kind of mad at him for putting him in this situation. Not that Justin had forced him to do it, it was entirely his decision to let Justin have his ass, but it was the feelings he had for him that had made him do something so fucking stupid in the first place. If Justin hadn't made him fall in love with him, this wouldn't have happened. So yeah, he was allowed to be slightly pissed at him.



So he simply shoved the phone back in his pocket ready to deal with the consequences tomorrow. And he was sure there would be consequences, because Justin wasn't stupid, this avoidance was enough for him to know that Brian wasn't completely okay with the fact that it had happened and it was only a matter of time before there was a confrontation. Because Justin just loved to talk.



But right now, Brian couldn't care less. He wanted a peaceful night in the company of a hot piece of ass, not thinking about the fact that Justin was inside his. And that's exactly what he went to do. He went to fuck his brains out with the guy from the dance floor, reminding himself that he was the stud of Liberty Avenue.



But when he returned kinda satisfied from the backroom, he found Michael and Ben sitting at the bar.



"Hey, you two."



"Oh hey," Michael smiled cheerfully at him. "Any particular reason why you're not talking to your boyfriend?" He wondered.



"What?" He asked a little aggressively, obviously horrified that Justin had told them something about his trip to Brian's ass.



"We were just at the diner, he said you weren't answering his phone. He seemed a little worried," Michael shrugged.



"I didn't know I was obligated to pick up every time he calls." Brian snapped.



And Michael and Ben immediately exchanged glances, which made Brian even more pissed off.



"Wow, what's up your ass?" Michael asked with a chuckle.



And all Brian could do was give him a death stare. How fucking convenient to ask about his ass at the moment.



"How about we go dancing, babe?" Ben suggested, knowing it was better to leave Brian alone when he was in that kind of mood.



"Excellent idea." Michael nodded enthusiastically, not interested in dealing with whatever drama was going on between Brian and Justin - again.



Once they left, Brian angrily sat down on a barstool, immediately grimacing in pain. Why the fuck had he let Justin do this to him?



"What can I get you?" The bartender asked.



"My pride," was Brian's response.



"Huh?"



Brian sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Whiskey. And make it a double."



"Right away."



Once the drink was placed in front of him, he immediately drank every drop of it. And he continued like that until the fifth glass, when he decided to slow down a bit because he was getting slightly dizzy. His eyes were focused on the dancers on the bar, and not for the reason you think, somehow he didn't find it the least bit hot or exciting. He kept picturing Justin among them, moving his body and letting the men touch him. Taking money from them. It was humiliating from Brian's point of view and he couldn't understand why Justin didn't see it that way. He would rather take money from complete strangers who only wanted to fuck him than accept help from his own partner. And not only that, he was willing to let fucking Sap treat him like garbage and like someone who was only worthy because of his body and nice ass. He was even willing to go so far as to let Sap get a taste of him. And Brian was so fucking mad at him that he nearly shattered the glass he was holding with his hand.



Guess he didn't get over it as much as he thought he did. Justin may have finally accepted his help and was acting reasonable again, but Brian still couldn't fully digest it. That he'd used his own body to get something and acted like it wasn't a big deal. And he expected Brian to just suck it up as if he wasn't terrified every night that something was going to happen to him. Such a selfish asshole.



He honestly couldn't even begin to describe how pissed at him he was. And not only that, he was not feeling himself. And it was all Justin's fault. Because he was the one acting like an idiot for the past few weeks, making Brian worried sick, and he was the one who had fucked Brian in a moment of weakness because Brian was just too happy that Justin was back to his normal self that he wasn't thinking or even realizing what he was doing. No, that was a lie. He knew what he was doing, he knew it damn well. He'd willingly given himself to Justin. But again, that was Justin's fault too. Because ever since Justin had entered his life, Brian had somehow been doing things that were against his nature.



The sudden pressure on Brian's bladder from the amount of alcohol he'd consumed forced him to go take a piss, which was definitely a nice distraction at the moment. Though Babylon's bathroom was definitely not a place one wanted to willingly spend more time than necessary, it was filthy and disgusting. The only times Brian didn't mind was when he was sniffing poppers or doing other kinds of drugs in one of the stalls. With Mikey, usually. But he didn't know that tonight he would have a completely different reason to stay longer than he would like.



The bathroom was, as always, occupied by the biggest weirdos who were too tweaked out to realize what day it was. There was even some blowjob going on. Brian just went to do his business, ignoring his surroundings and that awful smell, but just as he was washing his hands in that disgusting sink, he overheard it.



"Have you seen Sap?" One of the guys in the back corner, who clearly wasn't the most sober, asked, immediately getting Brian's attention.



"Not tonight, thank God," the other replied with a sneer. "Why?"



"I saw him briefly when he went to his office, his lip is busted and all swollen."



"Someone finally punched that dick?"



"Apparently something happened at his party last night... and he got kicked in the face by some guy."



"Pretty sure he deserved it."



He let out a sound of contempt. "Well, it's Sap, he deserves whatever the fuck is coming to him."



"Truer words have never been spoken." He replied with a laugh before doing a line of cocaine.



Brian stood still for a few seconds while his mind was racing. What the hell was the guy talking about? If anything had happened at the party, he would have heard about it by now. Not only because news spread through Babylon as fast as STDs, but also because Justin would have told him. Although would he really? He knew what Brian thought of the whole situation, and if something did happen, he certainly wouldn't want to add fuel to the fire by telling him.



When Justin had told him that he'd left the party early because it was tedious, he'd let it go, sure, it sounded like a load of bullshit to him, but he certainly didn't think much of it because quite frankly, after Justin had told him that he'd quit, he didn't need to hear anything else.



But what if the fucking party had everything to do with why Justin had decided to quit? What if he had witnessed something that showed him it wasn't worth it? How bad could it be that after weeks of being stubborn, he'd changed his mind overnight?



Christ, what the fuck happened last night?



Brian itched to ask the guy for more information, but looking at him and seeing the state he was in, it was clear that even if he knew something, he wouldn't be able to tell him right now.



So he went back to the bar. He was so close to calling Justin and asking him about last night, but he imagined that would only make things worse. He needed to know more first. And he knew exactly where to ask.



He went to sit right where the dancers were, specifically in front of one he'd seen Justin talking to a few times, pulled a twenty bucks out of his pocket and held out his hand to him. The guy immediately grabbed it, but Brian held it tight. "I have a question."



"And I have a work to do." He replied annoyed, and Brian could tell he was pretty exhausted from all the dancing. Just like Justin was.



"I'll make it quick and you get this," Brian waved the money.



"You do realize you're supposed to pay me for dancing and not answers?"



"Well, why can't it be both?" Brian chuckled. "Just tell me what happened at Sap's party last night."



"What?" He breathed, and Brian could tell he'd been thrown by the question.



"I heard Sap got kicked in the face... what's the truth in that?"



"Why don't you ask your boyfriend, he's the one who kicked him."



"What?" This time it was Brian who was taken aback. "What do you mean he was the one who kicked him?"



It hadn't even crossed Brian's mind that it could have been Justin, he quite honestly didn't think that what had happened could be directly related to Justin... or maybe he was just too scared to even consider it.



"Like I said, I have work to do." He was about to go dancing somewhere else.



"Wait." Brian said quickly and firmly. "Just... tell me."



He looked around, almost as if he was afraid someone would see him talking to Brian. "Look, I don't know much... I was in the other room with some guys and I honestly don't remember much..." That alone gave Brian the creeps. "I just heard your boy kicked him... I guess he had no idea what was going to happen at the party."



Brian's heart started pounding like crazy. "What the fuck do you mean by that?"



"Sorry, that's all I can say." With that he quickly walked away.



"Hey, what the fuck do you mean by that?" Brian yelled after him, getting the attention of those around him, but it was pointless because the guy just disappeared.



Brian was not someone who panicked easily, in fact if his heart rate had been any lower he would have been dead, but this time his heart rate was through the roof. He could actually feel his hands shaking, even his breathing was suddenly heavier. He didn't want to jump to any conclusions, but this wasn't something that could be ignored. It screamed that something very bad had happened.



And he was suddenly even more angry, but this time only at himself. He should have known. He should have known there was a reason Justin had decided to quit his 'job' overnight, right after that famous Sap party he hadn't wanted Justin to go to in the first place, but he hadn't done much to stop him. God, he should have not let him go, even at the cost of Justin being angry at him and acting like a fucking child.



But he hadn't stopped him, and something had happened, something had happened to his Justin, and Brian feared the worst. He kept replaying this morning when he got home after spending the night in jail, trying to figure out if something was out of the ordinary. Well, other than Justin fucking him. Which was probably the biggest red flag. He should have known there was more to it than Justin's need to finally do it. It all made sense now. Even though Brian didn't know much, he knew enough to freak out.



And he knew it was time to go talk to Justin, even though he had absolutely no idea how to approach it.


As he parked outside the diner, he tried to collect his thoughts and fucking prayed that whatever had happened wasn't as bad as he'd imagined. Because who would want to hurt Justin? His sweet, kind, beautiful Justin?


But when Brian finally gathered the strength to do what was necessary, he looked up and to his surprise saw Justin standing right outside the diner, taking his cigarette break. His heart suddenly squeezed at the sight of him. He would die if anything happened to him. He might have been an asshole to him at times and had trouble showing him how much he cared, but he fucking loved him.



There was no way in hell anyone had hurt him.



Still, Brian needed to hear it come out of his mouth.



So he hit the gas and drove the car right in front of Justin, who was very confused to see him.



"Brian?" Justin let out a soft chuckle. He threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it before walking towards the car. "What are you doing here?"



"Get in," Brian said, the nervousness evident in his voice.



"What?" Justin furrowed his brows. "Brian, what's going on?"



"Just get in... please," he said softly, reaching out to open the door for Justin.



Justin was hesitant at first, but eventually got in. There was a moment of silence because Brian truly didn't know how to start. He could barely look at him because whenever he did, he imagined the worst things.



"Brian, you're freaking me out." Justin laughed nervously.



"What happened last night, Justin?"



Brian could tell his heart stopped for a second.



"What do you mean?" He swallowed and looked out the window.



"Well, I know you kicked Sap in the face, what I don't know is why."



"Who told you?"



"It doesn't matter. What matters is why you did it."



Justin took a minute to answer. "Can we not do this? I quit the job. No more dancing. Isn't that what you wanted?"



"All I wanted was for you to be safe."



Justin looked at him with a soft smile. "And I am. Really, Brian, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about Sap anymore."



"Just tell me what happened."



"God, can you just drop it?" he snapped.



"Why won't you tell me?"



"Because I want to forget about it, alright? I don't even want to think about it."



Now Brian was even more sure that it was really bad and he wasn't ready to hear it, but he needed to. "Did he hurt you?" He asked in a shaky voice, clenching his fists so hard he could feel his nails digging into his skin. "Justin, did he..." He couldn't even bring himself to say it.



Justin sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "No. He didn't get the chance."



Brian let out the breath he was holding. "But he wanted to?"



"Yeah, he fucking wanted to, Brian... he and his friends drugged me and wanted to put me into this sling and..." he paused, looking down at his hands. "I wasn't just a pretty boy for decoration... I was supposed to be their toy for the night..."



Brian's cheeks twitched as he clenched his jaw. He immediately saw red. "Why didn't you tell me?"



"What, that I almost got raped?" Just hearing him say it made Brian sick. "I just wanted to forget it ever happened... and I didn't want to think about what might have happened if I hadn't gotten out of there."



Brian sighed and leaned closer to him, taking his hand in his own. "Are you okay, Justin?" The question sounded pathetic given the circumstances, but he needed to ask.



"Yes," he replied firmly. "No. But I will be. I promise."



Brian took a deep breath and pressed his forehead against his. "I wouldn't survive if something happened to you."



"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you warned me about him. I was so stupid."



"Hey, don't do that, this isn't your fault... even I had no idea he was capable of such a thing." If he knew, he would have killed him by now. "But promise me you'll never do anything so stupid again." Brian couldn't help but add.



Justin let out a soft chuckle. "I promise."



"Good," Brian smiled, kissing his forehead.



For a moment they remained pressed together, just quietly enjoying each other's presence. Brian was so relieved that the worst hadn't happened and that Justin was actually safe in his arms... but he hated that he hadn't done more to prevent what had happened.



Then Justin pulled away, looking at him strangely, making Brian a little uncomfortable. "Are you okay?"



"Why wouldn't I be?"



"Because I fucked you and you hate it." Justin went straight to the point.



Brian grunted and leaned back in his seat. The roles reversed very quickly indeed.



"Come on, Brian, I know you're avoiding me because of it. I mean, you're not the best at faking sleep and ignoring my calls pretty much gave me a clue too." Brian was still completely silent. "I just don't want things to be weird between us."



"Then don't make it weird." Brian snapped, instantly regretting it.



"And you don't pretend it didn't happen. If you didn't like it, just say so, but don't push me away because of it."



"I did... like it," he admitted before he could stop himself, but somehow he didn't feel as bad about it as he thought he would.



"Wait, what?" Justin was clearly surprised to hear that, smiling like an idiot.



"Let me get this straight - I'm a top, I've always been a top and I'll always be a top... I'm not interested in changing that... this was a very unique one-time thing, but... you deserve to know that I liked it," Brian rolled his lips in. "And that's all I'm going to say about it."



Justin blinked a few times. "I'm so fucking confused."



"I'll clear up the confusion for you tomorrow," he smiled seductively at him and kissed him.



"Can't wait," Justin bit his lip. "But I will fuck you again and that's a promise."



"In your dreams, wonderboy."



"Mhmm," Justin smiled knowingly, determined to keep his promise. But to be honest, Brian didn't mind, but Justin didn't need to know that.



"Keep dreaming." Brian pushed his tongue against his cheek.



"I will," Justin winked.



Brian shook his head gently, trying to look annoyed, but then he couldn't help but ask, there was just this thought in the back of his mind that he couldn't shake. "Is what happened yesterday the reason you wanted to... fuck me?" Brian tried to sound cool, but his voice quite betrayed him. As much as it freaked him out, he still didn't want it to be just Justin's 'pain management'.



"No," Justin said strongly. "I mean, maybe a little bit, I guess I wanted to feel in control, but... it was more than that. It wasn't just desperate fuck because I was shaken by what happened... if anything, it was fucking amazing," he smiled, his cheeks turning red.



"Okay," Brian cleared his throat, trying to look casual. He honestly fought not to blush as well.



Justin bit his cheek to keep from smiling too widely. "Well, I'd better get back or Debbie will kill me tomorrow."



"That's probably a good idea," Brian agreed. "Just remember, Justin, I'll always be here for you... no matter what... you can always come to me..."



"I know," Justin smiled. "Thank you."



"No need to thank me."



Justin was strong, Brian had never doubted that, but it was obvious that right now he was trying to be even stronger for Brian's sake and that it was going to take some time for him to get over it completely and Brian was ready to help him with that.



Before Justin got out of the car, Brian kissed him tenderly once more.



"See you in the morning?" Justin asked.



"Yeah, I'll pick you up."



"You don't have to do that."



"I know, but I want to."



"Okay. I love you." Justin smiled once more and headed back inside the diner.



Brian watched him for a moment and then whispered. "I love you too."



He had always had an extreme need to protect him, but right now he wanted to protect him from the whole world. There was simply nothing he wouldn't do for him. And right now there was something he needed to do not only for him, but for himself as well.



So he started the car and drove back to Babylon. Then he made his way to Sap's office and barged in without knocking.



"Kinney, what the hell?" Sap quickly stood behind his desk.



And Brian just did it. He punched him right in the face. Hard. So hard that Sap sat back down.



"Christ, are you fucking crazy?" He said as he grabbed his face, his nose bleeding.



Brian leaned in close to him, his cheeks twitching with anger. "Touch him again and you're fucking dead."



Sap's expression changed from anger to fear in the heat of the moment. Because when Brian meant business he meant business and that was now quite obvious. Then he turned on his heel and simply walked out of his office, feeling a million times better.



There truly wasn't anything he wouldn't do for Justin.