Chapter One
Everything Changes

“You’re not paying attention you need to follow my feet like this.� Justin stated as he showed Brian the steps of the new waltz.

“I assure you that I’m capable of pulling this off, I mean don’t you remember the prom.� Brian asked with a smile.

It was good being able to talk about the prom, an event for the longest time that Justin was unable to remember but he did now and now he didn’t know why he could have ever doubted that Brian loved him. If he would have had that memory a long time ago how things could have been so different. That didn’t matter now though. They were finally comfortable with each other, their anniversary was approaching and everything was finally right with the world.

“Why are you filming this?� Brian asked to his sixteen year old son Gus who was standing off to the side with the video camera.

“Justin says that you can learn the small mistakes that you are making, or that you can see how much you fidget when you’re nervous.�

“I do not!� Brian stated and did exactly what his son had just accused him of.

“Okay maybe a little, okay enough practice for now, I have got to meet Michael. I’ll see you later.� He said as he leaned in and gave Justin a kiss.

“Now for you, you are to drop me off at the club. You are to go and meet your friend who I have yet to meet, and then the two of you are to do whatever it is that kids do these days. Do not drink, do not drug, and return my baby in one piece.� Brian stated as he handed his keys over to his son.

“Are you sure he’s ready?� Justin teased.

“Justin.� Gus whined

“Oh yes he’s ready he’s got that Kinney whine down. I’ll see you later. As for you peanut, you be good for your daddy.� Brian said to his five year old daughter Isabella.

“I will daddy I promise.� She said with a smile.

Justin couldn’t help but smile at this situation. He and Brian had a daughter. One that they shared, they had no idea which of them father her but that didn’t matter she was loved. Sometimes he felt himself so happy that he knew that something was going to happen. Things had been quiet for too long. Brian had way passed forty and he didn’t even flinch, he was approaching fifty and he seemed happy. Oh yes the apocalypse had to be around the corner.

Michael would admit he was nervous about tonight. He was a young 45 and he was still nervous about talking to his best friend. Brian was his best friend still after everything that he had done to him. Their life had its ups and downs but in the end they could always count on each other. He thought back to two years ago when he had lost Ben. Brian had been there for him, had seen him through wanting to die. Now when he told him what he wanted to would he think he was foolish? No he wouldn’t he was Brian he was his best friend.

Gus sat in the back booth of the diner looking around cautiously. He didn’t want anyone to see him there, that’s why he had picked this place it was way out of the way of anything. Chris hadn’t met his parents yet and well that was going to be interesting. Telling Chris things about him slowly was the way to do things. When Chris met his father well that would be another story.

“Hey have you been waiting long?� Chris asked sliding into the booth.

“No I just got here, did you see it I told you my dad had a vintage “Vette I tell you sometimes it’s like he loves that thing more than me.� Gus said dejectedly.

Chris looked at Gus and knew that he was stressed. He did that thing with the pinch of his nose, and the rolling of his tongue in his mouth. He was nervous about something, had something on his mind. What she couldn’t possibly know but whatever it was it was worrying the hell out of him.

“Okay so I know how the rest of this little dinner is going to go, why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you so I can help you over it so I can enjoy the time with you that I have.� Chris stated.

“We’ve been seeing each other about for a while now Chris and I think that it’s time for us to take the next step. When I get home tonight I’m telling my parents and I thought maybe this weekend you come over and have dinner with us.� Gus said all in one breath before he chickened out.

“Really?� You mean I’m actually going to get to meet Brian Kinney. Without seeing on the cover of magazines or watching him on my television, I’m going to be able to be in the same room with him and carry on a conversation?� Chris asked unable to believe what was being said.

“Yea so I’ll talk to them tonight after I drop you off, and by the end of tonight they will know everything.� Gus said unable to keep the shiver from his voice.

Leaning in close Chris kissed him on the mouth sending him the reassurance that he needed.

“Gus it’s not the end of the world. You just look them directly in the face and you say dad, Justin I have something to say to you. I’m straight. It’s not the end of the world.� She said as she gave him one more squeeze as she looked at her menu to decide what she wanted to eat.


“And you’re not upset?� Michael asked as he and Brian walked down Liberty Avenue.

“Why would I be Mikey? I think it’s fucking fantastic. Brendan is a good guy, he’s no Ben. No one can compare to that guy, but he made you smile and brought the light back to your eyes so if can get a better position at the hospital in Detroit then I say pack your bags and go. Long term relationships blow and not in a good way. You would spend your time on our couch crying over your “brerry bear� or whatever the two of you are calling each other this week. So yea go, planes, emails, and phone calls can’t break us apart you know that.� Brian stated as he threw his arm around his old friend.

“Are you sure?� Michael asked for what had to be the fifth time.

“Yes I am sure, Christ you’re such a baby. We are approaching fifty Michael it’s time you get off my tit and put on your big boy pants.� Brian stated sarcastically.

“You’re right we are growing up aren’t we?� Michael asked pulling his friend even closer.

“Yea, who would have thought it you and I in a stable relationship? You’ve got a marriage under your belt now you’re the attractive widower with the hunky piece of eye candy on his arm, and well I’ve got Justin.�

“Yea you do, and when do you think you’re going to make an honest man out of him?� Michael asked seriously.

“The last time I tried to give him the picket fence he said I was a pod person, and he ran all the way to New York. You know what that did to me. How long it took me to even put up the courage to go and bring him back. When I did he still wasn’t sure. I don’t think he was sure until I told him I wanted Izzy. She made us a family. He believes in us now. We’ve got an anniversary coming up, maybe then we’ll take those rings from around our necks and place them on our fingers.� He stated referring to the fact that he and Justin wore their wedding bands around their necks on a black chord.

“Really?� Michael asked hoping his friend wasn’t pulling his leg.

“Let’s just say Emmett is planning one hell of a party, now let’s find a cab.�

Michael couldn’t keep the smile that was coming over his face on hearing that his friend was finally going to tie the knot with Justin. He would admit that in the old days he would have never wanted the two of them together but now they fit like had to glove. Brian had gotten all the way to the step of marriage before but he knew that in the end they would come to their senses. They were together and in love but must of that were brought on about fear of losing each other. They were both scared that something was going to break them apart. They had grown. Brian still was beautiful, he had aged gorgeously. He looked up at his friend standing there hailing a cab, he thought how much he was going to miss this. He didn’t even see that truck that struck Brian down when they rounded the corner.

Justin looked at his watch again, it was approaching two. Michael must really have a lot to talk about. He hoped that he and Brendan hadn’t broken up. He liked him; he was sort of like the male Daphne. After saying that he wondered if that was an insult or a compliment? He definitely meant for it to be a compliment. He would spend the next few moments picking up the family room Izzy really could tear a room to bits if given the chance. He’d pick up and then turn in. Gone were the days of worrying if Brian was out with someone else, although they still weren’t monogamous Brian tricked. He didn’t less often now and Justin had high hopes that he would be done with it completely soon. He was about to head upstairs when there was a knock on the door.

When he opened the door his blood ran cold. Captain Carl Horvath, Debbie, and Mel stood there all looking shell-shocked. He didn’t know what to say, but he knew this meant something was wrong.

“Is he dead?� he manage to croak out before holding on to the door frame after feeling lightheaded.

“Justin there was an accident an hour or so ago. Brian was involved in it, and well we think you better come with us down to the hospital as soon as you can.� Deb stated as she took him in her arms.

Justin clung to Debbie. He needed this comfort, he would have preferred his own mother but she wasn’t in any condition to be coming to him this late, and of course he would rather be with Brian but well you know why that was impossible. He needed to make sure Gus watched Izzy but he remembered where Brian was that night.

“Is Michael okay?� he asked concerned.

“My baby is doing good Justin thanks for asking. Apparently Brian and Michael were leaving Babylon and a truck came out of nowhere and struck Brian while he was hailing a cab. They can tell you more when you get there.� She said.

“Okay I just need to tell Gus what’s going.� He stated as he went back inside the house leaving them all still standing on the steps.


Justin didn’t have to go far, as soon as he spun around Gus stood there with a very sleepy Isabella in his arms.

“What’s the matter dad?� Gus asked.

Justin loved when Gus called him dad. He had known him sense the day that he was born and he had two moms and he was thrilled the day that Gus had decided that he was his second dad instead of Michael but right now he just didn’t need to see him standing there looking so much like his father holding their daughter asking him a question that he couldn’t answer.

“There’s been an accident. You’re grandma and grandpa are here to take me to the hospital.�

“Grandma and Grandpa!� Izzy shouted getting excited.

“Yes sweetheart, but they can’t play right now I have to go to the hospital to take care of your daddy okay, so what I need is for you to be a big girl and stay here an take care of Gus until I get back. Can you do that?�

“Yes daddy I’ll keep Gus in line.� Izzy stated in her strong voice which was meant for you to realize that she meant business.

Justin turned and got his PDA and important papers. He had to turn away from her before he broke down. He didn’t want his little girl to see how worried he was. He knew with Deb, Melanie, and Carl there that it was bad it was real bad. He didn’t tell Gus his mother was outside or she would know that things were bad too. He gently kissed them both and left the house praying to God that everything was alright. Little did he know from now on everything changes.

Chapter Two

Obstacles Ahead



I really didn’t know what I expected when I got to the hospital. I don’t know maybe the rest of the gang that was still around in the waiting room crying or something like that but no, no one even came down. I looked at the clock and saw that it was after four. It was too early for folks to be around anyway, he couldn’t even remember if he had told anybody. Michael was right beside me holding my hand. A part of me wanted to smack him because that should be him in that bed, but I know that’s wrong of me. He had a family. A son, a daughter, a lover, it’s not fair for anyone of them to be there.


“Justin I swear to you, I didn’t even see the truck it came out of nowhere. It was one of those street sweeper things that get rid of rain or ice and stuff. It didn’t even slow down, Carl says that they’ll be an investigation. You know pop, when he puts his mind to something he’s not giving up until he has answers.� Michael said as he leaned back into his chair.


That brought a smile to Justin’s face. He liked the fact that Michael called Carl pop. They both knew that he was more than old enough when he finally married Deb for him not to call him that but after everything with Ben and Carl help Michael through it they had bonded somehow and now they were close like father and son. It gave him a warm feeling inside. That was until he saw the doctor approach.


“Justin Taylor?� he asked.


“Yes doctor that’s me, is Brian going to be okay?� I asked afraid of the answer.


“He must have had an angel on his shoulder tonight, there’s not a scratch on him. Now he did have severe trauma to his skull. Now the swelling is going down very slowly, he’s in a coma.�


“Will he wake up?� Michael asked afraid of the answer.


“I have seen nothing to indicate that Brian will have trouble with a full recovery. We just have to wait and see. As I said there was some trauma and well you know what that could entail.


“Yes. I still have some trouble holding things after all these years.� Justin said as his hand began to cramp as if it knew he was speaking about it.


“Well the question is, what kind of man was Brian Kinney before this happened to him? For a person to recover through a trauma like this even if they come out of it with no physical damage the emotional aspect of it all, he needs to have a good support system. Does he have that at home?� the doctor asked.


“I’ve loved that man since I was sixteen and he me. That’s the kind of man he was.� Justin stated bluntly. He wanted the man to realize that this was not silly love but something real.


“Well there you go, as long as he has someone that is going to be there for him, I don’t see why Brian couldn’t lead a normal life.� The doctor stated.


Justin didn’t like the way that he said that. That he could “lead a normal life.�


“Are you saying that things will be different?� Justin asked afraid of what the answer might be.


“Justin you of all people know what can happen when it comes to the brain. For now you will just have to wait and see.


“Can I see him?� Justin asked.


“They’ll be moving him soon, I’ll have someone come and escort you to his room once he’s there.


“Thanks.� He turned to go back to the waiting room with Michael.


He took a seat and took a photo of his family out of his wallet. He thought to himself how he had a family. He had a real family with Brian, Gus, and Isabella, what was all of this going to do to his kids.


Chris held Gus why he sobbed into her shoulder. She couldn’t believe she was at the famous Britin2. She had heard stories of the estate that was just off of Liberty and she had heard of the original that had burned down. Now she couldn’t wait to meet Brian and Justin but not like this. How could something like this happen? The driver of the truck was drunk and he was driving a city vehicle. She was no dummy she knew that they would be doing whatever they could to shut them up and keep quiet.


“Where’s your sister?� she asked as they took a seat on the couch.


“She went back to bed, it was easy. I told her that dad was in the hospital and she started thinking about the little shop that’s there and what’s she going to get him when she goes and see him. She’s just happy being his little “Peanut�. Oh god Christina what if he dies!� Gus stated unable to hold himself together any longer.


“It’s okay sweetheart. I’m here everything is going to be okay. Did you call your mother?� she asked gently.


Gus heart fell again he hadn’t even thought about his mother. She was going to freak when he called her. Maybe Melanie had done it. No he knew that cunt wouldn’t have done it, not when it came to Brian. She probably was passing champagne out in the waiting room.


“No.� was his one word reply.


“Give me the number; I’ll help you do it.


The wait was killing Justin. He just needed to see Brian. See him and know that everything was okay and then they would go from there. They could do anything as long as they were together right? He thought about his little family and Isabella. She loved Brian to death. He thought back to the past weekend and when he caught them when they didn’t think he was looking.


Flashback


Brian had heard her before he saw her. He wasn’t willing to let her know that he knew she was there so he just continued to get ready for his daily run. He picked his running shoes and went to sit on the bench at the foot of their bed careful not to wake Justin. He knew he liked to sleep late on the weekends unlike him and apparently his little peanut.


Brian put on his left and then right shoe, and began to stare at them. “Shit!� he said out loud causing Izzy who was standing in the doorway to jump and run inside in front of him.


“What’s wrong daddy?� she asked concerned.


“I can’t seem to remember how to tie my shoes.� Brian said seriously.


“Really?� she asked. “I have been learning all week with Justin he told me that I’m doing good.�


Brian was very proud of his daughter, she called both him and Justin daddy but if she was talking to one of them about the other she would call the other’s name. No one had taught her that, she did it on her own. She said that it was right, obviously more proof this kid was a Kinney but he didn’t dare tell Justin that. She was both there’s and of course her mother.


“Well I guess you are going to have to show me how to do it because I’ve forgotten.� He stated and couldn’t help but smile as she sat down on the floor in front of him and tied his sneakers.


“See daddy, I told ya I could do it.� She stated proudly.


“So you did. A skill like that deserves pancakes lets go see if we can eat a dozen before daddy gets up. I’ll even put chocolate chips want some Izzy.�


“Don’t call me Izzy!� she shouted at him.


“Why not isn’t that your name?� he asked seeming to be confused.


“Yes, but not for you, you never call me that.�


“I don’t.


“Daddy!� she said getting mad.


“Fine Peanut lets go and have breakfast while your dad sleeps the day away. First one to the kitchen gets to lick the spoon.�


That was all Izzy needed she ran from the room.


Brian couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. Izzy really was a beautiful young lady he was going to enjoy watching her grow up. Things were going to be different than with Gus he got to see all of this.


“The two of you are so cute together.� Justin stated breaking him from his thoughts.


“So how long have you been eavesdropping?� Brian asked.


“Long enough to see how adorable you are with your daughter.� Justin stated proudly.


“I’m not adorable.� Brian stated.


“Sure you are, I love seeing you together.�


“No lesbian moments Sunshine. Let’s go make breakfast.� Brian stated pulling his lover from the bed.


End flashback


Justin was pulled from his thoughts when the nurse came and told him that Brian was in his room now. He got up and followed her to the room. He could do this; Brian had come and saw him when his brains were bashed in he could go and see him after he had bounced off the pavement. He braced himself and opened the door to Brian’s room. He was very shocked at what he saw; there wasn’t a mark on him.

Chapter Three
Blow This Popsicle Stand

Melanie Markus sat at her dining room table across from the woman that she loved more than life itself and was unable to touch her. She knew that she needed to be comforted, but how could she when she knew that she knew she wouldn’t allow her too. It was going to be kind of hard anyways because she was holding on to poor Isabella like her like if she let her go she would fade from existence.

“How have you been?� Melanie asked. As soon as she said those words she knew they were wrong, how did she think she was doing? She had been through a horrible ordeal and had to leave to recover and now here she had to be strong for her son and her and daughter.

“I’m sorry, that was a stupid question.� Melanie stated.

“Its fine I’m doing better I’m finally realizing that what happened wasn’t my fault, no matter what some chose to say.

Melanie knew that was thrown for her. What she had done was wrong and she knew it, but Lindsay had betrayed her again and this time Brian had helped. It hurt but now she would give all her money to be able to touch Lindsay again.

“So are you going to move back here?� She asked hoping.

“Well of course I am right now. I mean Gus needs me and Izzy. I do care for my children Melanie. How is JR?� she added so she would know that she meant her as well.

Well you know the age she’s 14 and becoming a woman. I don’t know yet if she’s going to be gay or if she’s just angry because I’m her mother. She misses you.

“I didn’t abandon her!� Lindsay stated as her hand began to shake.

“Are you alright?� Melanie asked concerned. She had to remind herself that Lindsay was not well.

Lindsay couldn’t help the sort of psychotic laugh that left her lips. “Of course I’m alright. I have to be my baby needs me.� She stated snuggling into a sleeping Isabella.

Dr. Brendan Block stood at the foot of Brian Kinney’s bed looking over his chart. He couldn’t believe that this was happening to Brian. He was going to finally leave this hospital when he heard this happened he decided to stay a little longer, at least to see Brian through all of this. He owed that too him. He had helped him build the solid relationship he now had with Michael. Michael would have mourned Ben forever if Brian hadn’t told him to give him a chance. For that he would do anything to help him and Justin through this.

“Any change?� Justin asked hoping.

“You know the routine it’s just a waiting game Justin. He’s been having a lot of movements which is a good sign. If he just lied there and never moved I would be worried but he has grabbed you twice, and someone said they heard him humming the other day. He’s just confused the swelling has gone down a lot but there’s a little left. Scans look good, there appears to be some damage due to the trauma but we will not know how severe until he wakes up and tells us what’s going on.

“If.� Justin stated morbidly.

“Hey now, I gave up a job in Detroit to make sure that he pulls through he would not disappoint me this way. Now have you eaten?� Brendan asked his friend.

“No, Gus and Chris are down in the cafeteria I was supposed to meet them about an hour ago, but I didn’t want to leave him.�

“I assure you that if you go downstairs and get something to eat that he’ll be here when you get back. Now go ahead and have a sandwich. I’ll stay here till you get back.�

“Will you really Brendan?� he asked.

“Yea all of my patients are fine unless there’s an emergency I’ll sit right here until you get back. Go now your son needs you.� Brendan added that part knowing it would get Justin moving.

“Okay I won’t be long.

Chris really didn’t know how to comfort her boyfriend and that really sucked. She wanted to be the caring girlfriend but how could she do that when her boyfriend acted like he had severe emotional problems half the time. All the time when she thought that she had a breakthrough and was going to get him to open up about something important he would shut down. Sometimes he could be so open and loving and then he would put up a wall up that no matter how much she tried she couldn’t break through.

“So I hear your mom is in town, how she doing?� she asked calmly.

“She just got leave from an asylum how do you think she’s doing?� he asked coldly.

“Don’t do this okay; you know I hate it when you act this way. I’m right here and I’m here for you to do whatever you need to do so if you need to scream or yell go ahead, but don’t close me out.

Gus thought about this for a second. He was not his father, his father told him over and over again not to treat his relationships like he treated his with Justin. He often told him that he treated Justin like shit for over half his life and all he did was love him. He couldn’t do that to Chris. She was everything. He could do this he could tell her.

“You know I told you that my parents are split up right now, they have been for last couple of years right.�

“Yea but that’s all you told me.� she stated trying not to seem interested but she was she wanted to know everything about Gus. She had never felt the way that she felt about anyone like she did about Gus. She just wanted him to know that she was there for him.

“Well it was because of my mom cheating on Melanie. They love each other so much but sometimes my mom can be wrong. It went wrong though, because she and the woman that she was seeing were meeting up at dad’s house and there was this fire and that’s what happened to my mom’s face.

“Her face?� Christina asked confused. She had met his mother and she didn’t see anything wrong with her face.

“You can’t really tell now, but she had to have a surgery because a lamp blew up in her face and it burned her. She was supposed to be picking my sister up from Melanie because she had to be in court but she was getting some “afternoon delight�. That was the day that Melanie told my mother she was just like dad. Might’ve not have been so bad but when she told her she was fighting for her life as well as the life of my sister. Stupid cunt!� he shouted. Can we get out of here I don’t wanna be here any longer.

Recovery- To regain ones ability. That was what she was supposed to be doing when she went away three years ago. It wasn’t supposed to take this long and she had missed out on so much of her daughters’ lives. Isabella wasn’t supposed to be hers not in the way that Gus or JR were. She was supposed to be Brian’s and Justin’s but she could see her whenever and watch her grow but because of temptation she had lost so much. She had lost Isabella’s growth, Brian’s trust, Melanie’s love, and Sarah. Poor Sarah, sometimes recovery could be a bitch.



You know how when you’re swimming you feel weightless? Well that’s how this feels. I’m floating and trying to get through this fog but I can’t. I keep telling myself that if I just turn this way or that way that the fog can be lifted but it’s like I’m getting lost in translation. Like I know what I want and need to do but my mind and body won’t cooperate. I need to wake up. Been trying to do it for the past week or so. I hear them come in and say they love and they miss me. When the hell did I become so likeable? Aren’t I still an asshole. My own mother even came in and I think she was sincere. She brought Samuel. I hadn’t seen that bear since my dad broke four ribs. This could make her change her mind about me but cancer couldn’t. Well fuck me.

When Brian Kinney opened his eyes for the first time in seven days he didn’t know what to make of it. It was bright and scary and nothing looked like he remembered. Where the hell was he? He needed Justin. He tried to talk but he couldn’t there was this huge tube down his throat. He went to pull it out, but a big man stopped him. Who the fuck was that? He looked at him for the longest time. He knew him didn’t he? Maybe he fucked him. Had he fucked him and he was having his sick way with him? The fucker, he would make him pay if he could just remember where he was exactly.

“Calm down Brian, I know that it made seem a little foggy right now, but its fine. It’s me Brendan.

It wasn’t lost on Brendan at how Brian seemed to look through him. That scared him; he thought that Brian would be okay. He needed to be okay.

“Brian do you know where you are?� he asked professionally.

It really hurt when Brian shook his head for no. “You’re at the hospital you were in an accident. You’ve been in a coma for seven days we’ve been waiting for you to open those eyes of yours. Do you know who I am Brian?� Brendan asked.

Brian looked at this guy. How the fuck did he know him, didn’t he know he didn’t remember tricks names. Maybe he wasn’t a trick maybe he had done enough dope and fried his brain. Dear god what about Justin, did he hurt Justin? He could feel his heart beating fast. He let out a loud yelp when the man removed the tube. He noticed the lab jacket guess he was a doctor, probably his.

“Justin?� Brian asked

“Oh he went to get something to eat. He’s been here every day since it happened. I told him that I would stay if he went down and got something to drink. We’re going to give you something to make you more comfortable and we’re going to run some tests okay?� he stated as he rubbed Brian’s shoulder.

“Okay.� He said. Everything seemed so normal while he was asleep but now since he was awake it all was different. His head hurt and he wanted Justin. He needed Justin badly. He was going to ask for him but he could feel the fog coming back to claim him. He was sleep before he could say the name Justin.

Justin really was trying to listen to what Michael was saying about he and Brendan’s new apartment and how Hunter was coming up with his girlfriend but he really couldn’t stop thinking about Brian and he knew that Michael understood and he was just speaking to be speaking. He and Michael had come to that point in their friendship. He was just filling the space that was meant for Gus and his girlfriend but by the time he had gotten there they were gone. He wondered where they had gone. Justin was about to finally start paying attention to Michael’s conversation but he saw Brendan approaching out of the corner of his eye.

“What’s wrong?� he asked already beginning to panic.

“He’s awake; I thought maybe you would want to be by his side.� Brendan stated with a smile.

“Oh god yes he stated as he got his coffee and got up to head to Brian’s room.

Brian awoke with a start. He knew immediately that he didn’t like it where he was. The fucking beeping of the machine was making the pounding in his head worst. He didn’t like Breckin or Benjin or whatever the fuck that guy who came was. He needed Justin. “Where was he?� he wondered. He pulled himself from the bed and went on search for him. He didn’t like this place too much white.

Lindsay stood outside the room that they told her was Brian’s just waiting. She didn’t know what to do. A huge part of her wanted to go in and tell him that she was sorry. She was sorry for sneaking around on Mel, and for burning down his house, and for Sarah. She was his friend and now she was dead because they wanted to be romantic in his house. She didn’t even know that something was wrong with the fireplace. She guesses she just wasn’t listening when Brian had told her that. She almost lost the baby that day. He had gotten so angry with her. She had never seen him so furious. Then there was Mel. She had to face the music it was part of her recovery.

“Going in?� asked a familiar voice.

“I don’t know, the nurses say that he’s a bit confused about some things maybe I shouldn’t go in. I mean I heard that Brendan went to find Justin so maybe I should let the two of them have their moment and then go back to the house and come down with Izzy later.� Lindsay stated trying to find some reason in what she was saying.

“I don’t know Lindz, maybe you should go in and see him for yourself and then decide if you know Izzy should even be down here.� Melanie stated as she gently put her hand on Lindsay’s shoulder. She was thrilled when she didn’t flinch away like she normally did.

“I don’t know what if he’s still angry.� Lindsay stated afraid of facing Brian after all this time.

“He doesn’t hate you Lindz, he was scared for you and for Izzy, but he knew that part of the equation you had never imagined. If you are really that scared I’ll be right there with you, that’s if you want me to be.� she said giving her shoulder a little squeeze.

“I’d like that a lot.� She was happy that Melanie agreed to go in with her she of all people knew that Brian wasn’t her favorite person. She also knew that the two of them had bonded a lot since she had been away. She finally turned the knob to enter and once inside they both stopped and begin to look around. Brian’s room was empty.

Gus was glad that he and Christina had decided to take this walk. The hospital was beginning to depress the hell out of him. He knew what she meant to him, and he knew what he meant to her. Why did he have these doubts sometimes? He knew why it was because of the people in his life that set the examples. Brian and Justin who had broken up so many times it was so hard for him to even keeping track anymore.

“Feeling better?� Chris asked as they walked back towards the hospital.

“Yea, I think it was just the hospital setting, those places can really bring you down, I’ve spent far too much of my life in those plastic waiting room chairs.�

Chris wanted to know what he meant by that but she didn’t ask. She knew that he would share when he thought she was ready to hear.

“So shall we go back and see what’s going on with your dad? Gus?� she asked when she noticed he was frozen in that spot looking across the street at someone. When she turned to look a man was walking down the street in a pair of pajamas and a blue robe.

“Are you Justin?� Brian asked everyone he passed. He was really getting pissed because well he knew that he had to find Justin but right now he really couldn’t remember who a Justin was he just knew that he had to have him. “Have you seen Justin?� he asked the next woman that walked near him. He didn’t like the way that she looked at him.

“This is me.� He stated as he pointed to the hospital bracelet around his left wrist. “I’m Brian Kinney but I’m not looking for me. I’m not lost.� He stated matter-of-factly. “Are you Justin?� he asked the next young man who came up to him, he wasn’t alone he was with a girl.

“Dad it’s me Gus. Are you alright?� Gus asked as he approached his father. He could tell that something was off about his father. He looked almost childlike when he approached him.

“Gus? No Gus is like this?� Brian stated putting his arms up as if he was holding a baby. “You’re like me you can’t be Gus. Are you Justin?� he asked getting very confused. He knew him he knew he did. Was he Gus? Yes he was, he knew that, why was he being so stupid he knew that it was Gus.

“Gus, I lost Justin do you know where he is?� he asked not able to stop the sobbing, he reached for Gus and Gus took him in his arms to comfort him. He gave Chris a look of both confusing and horror, as his father continued to sob. Brian needed Justin, and maybe some sleep of some kind.

“Yea dad I know where he is come on let’s get you out the street.� Gus stated as he took his father’s hand and helped him from the street. He had noticed how the crowd was forming and was that a cop car? He wondered just how many people his dad has frightened for the cops to be called.

“Come on Dad I’ll get you to Justin.� Together with Chris on one side and him on the other they helped a suddenly very groggy Brian back to the hospital.



“How the fuck can you just loose a patient. Brian just got out of a coma how was he even capable of walking out of this hospital.� Justin demanded at the nurse’s station.

“Mr. Kinney is quite lucid. He had to have slipped out when we were having our shift change. He’s in his pajamas and his robe; if we weren’t really looking it would have been easy. I know that is no way to explain things and we are looking as hard as possible. We have no doubt he will show up.

“When I’m about five seconds away from suing this whole damn hospital or now damn it!.� Justin stated getting upset but he would. He would sue this whole damn place if something happened to his Brian.

“Justin I have him.� Gus announced when he came up. Chris and I were heading back and when we were a few blocks away we saw him. He was walking around in the street; I don’t even think he knew who or where he was. At first he didn’t even know me Justin, scared the shit out of me.� Gus stated not being lost on the fact that his father was clutching his hand very tightly and looked like a scared seven-year-old.

“Brian are you alright?� Justin asked as he approached Brian and took him in his arms and hugged him. It felt so good to feel him in his arms again. He loved how Brian hugged him back very tightly and kept his hand clutch in his.

“Justin?� Brian asked.

“Yea Brian I’m here, we’re going to get you back to your room and get you something to eat alright?� he stated soothingly.

“I was so lost.� Brian stated and then he began to cry.

Justin didn’t know what to do except hold him. What was wrong with Brian? It wasn’t like he had amnesia he knew who everyone was it was just like he wasn’t’ there. He frightened him to the core, but he could do this. He would be there for Brian he had done it for him.

“Brian running away like that is dangerous. Why did you leave?� Justin asked.

“I had to find Justin. I need him, but he went for drinks and he never came back so I got up to find him but then I got turned around. Too much white here so I blew this Popsicle stand.� Brian stated as he walked back toward his room.

“Come on love, I’ll help you back to your room.� Justin stated. He didn’t even have the heart to tell Brian that he was Justin he didn’t know if he knew that now. That he had found who he was looking for. He just enjoyed the fact that Brian was smiling at him while he walked back to his room with him. He couldn’t accept if Brian didn’t know who he was for now he was contempt in being in denial.

Chapter Four

The New Brian



I stayed by his bed all night. I don’t know if I can take this. He didn’t understand that I was Justin. There were times when he would ask if I was Justin and I’d tell him I was and he’d believe me and then there were times when he would look at me as if he thought I was lying. I don’t know what to make of it, they ran a lot of tests and I have to meet with the doctor soon. I need answers, I need Brian



“What the fuck is going on?� Brian thought. This is not right. You know how it is when you try to do something and you know exactly what you are going to do and how you’re going to do it but then when you go to do it something goes terribly wrong. That’s what’s happening now. That’s my life now. I hate this guy. Someone should shoot me, where the fuck was Ted, or Michael? We had a deal, if I were to be different if something were to be wrong with me they were too pull my plug. This is not normal.� Brian thought



“Michael I can’t tell you anything, the doctors are meeting with Justin in a few minutes.� Brendan stated.


“You know what’s going on, you know what they are going to tell him what’s the matter with him?�


“Nothing is wrong with him, when you start thinking that there’s something is wrong is when something is wrong with him. He’s recovering he went through a trauma; his head hit the ground after his body was propelled for a velocity through the air. There was supposed to be problems Michael all you have to do is be there for him. I know you will. You love him so I will be there.�


“I will Brendan for whatever he needs.� Michael said as he continued to eat his breakfast.


Everything is going over my head. Neurons and electrodes it’s all about signals. Apparently signals are sent to the brain to do simple tasks. Brian’s brain knows what it wants to do and he thinks like a normal person but on its way to complete the tasks things get jumbled and he gets confused and sometimes things go awry. That’s why Brian kept asking was I Justin. He knew I was Justin, but he had to reassure himself that I was Justin. It didn’t make sense. I’m scared, but I realize Brian most be terrified.


“Is it permanent?� Justin asked Dr. Hooks Brian’s neurologist.


“I can’t say that it is Justin, I can’t say that it isn’t. Everyone is different the important thing is that you are there for him and that you let him know that you care. Can you do that Justin, if you can’t here’s some places that will take him.� Dr. Hooks stated as he handed Justin a folder.


Justin thought that he’d vomit when he saw what the doctor had handed him. Brochure on top of brochure for mental institutions, or “homes� for “special� people. Brian might have been a bit confused about some things but when he looked at him he still saw his Brian. He still loved him. He wasn’t going to lock him away for anybody. He was Brian.


“No thanks. We’ll be fine. Where is he now?� Justin asked.


“Well we want to see what it is that he remembers and he doesn’t. So a nurse is with him now, and they are doing what anyone does at the start of the day. They are getting dressed.


Brian didn’t like Nurse Kelly; she spoke to him like he was a child. A child he definitely was not.


“Why are you here?� he asked.


“I’m here to help you, in case anything goes wrong that way you don’t have to wait for anyone to come in I’m already here.


“Bitch!� Brian thought. “Thanks.� Brian said.


“Mr. Kinney it’s bath time so why don’t you just tell me if you were going to take a bath what would you need?� she asked him sensitively.


“Who the hell did this bitch think she was� Brian thought. Like he didn’t know what he needed for a fucking bath. “Stupid Bitch!� he thought again.


Brian looked at the items that were scattered across his table. He wasn’t stupid he knew what he needed. He needed his soap, a cloth, a towel, shaving crème, and of course his razor. He didn’t see his razor they had stupid disposable ones but he guess that’s what they wanted him to get. So he got them too.


Kelly Perkins was very happy that he had picked out the correct items. She knew that he could do it. He was proud that he had made such great progress. If he could do this simple task then she knew that the damage wasn’t that severe and maybe just maybe everything would be okay for him.


“Okay Brian now go in there and take your bath.� She stated as they both walked into the bathroom.


“Okay you can leave now.� Brian stated.


“No I stay here while you shower.� Kelly stated.


“You can’t stand there while I take my bath I’m going to take off my robe I’ll be naked.� Brian stated looking at her like she was out of her damn mind.


“No like I told you I am here in case you need a little help just go over there and pull the shower curtain and I won’t be able to see.� She said as she pointed to the shower curtain.


“Ugly flowers.� Brian said referring to the shower curtain.


Taking a bath is easy. Who couldn’t take a bath?� Brian thought


Brian was getting very frustrated before the bath even started. He knew that he could do this. Who can’t take a bath? First things first, turn on the damn shower. He looked at the knobs and pressed them. Nothing happened.


“What the fuck?� he said out loud.


He then went to turn them, and nothing happened, they wouldn’t even budge that’s not right at all he thought. He pulled the top of his shower gel and put some on the washcloth and began to wash his body. See he knew that he could take a bath easy. He dropped his towel in the bottom of the shower. He didn’t even care that it was on the floor he just continued to rub himself. He got to his cock which was hard for some odd reason and he began to wash himself. The sensation was doing things to him and before he knew it he had forgotten what he was supposed to be doing and he was masturbating. It felt so good; he could feel his release then—


“Mr. Kinney!� Kate shrieked.


“What?� Brian asked angrily.


“Could you please not masturbate in front of me?� she asked nicely.


“Don’t look.� Brian replied as he continued to do it in front of Kate. He didn’t stop until he came and then he felt very sleepy.


She couldn’t believe that he had done that right in front of her. She was disappointed that he thought he was taking his bath, but it never occurred to him the fact that he didn’t use water. Dissociation, she had to put that down as a symptom. Poor guy, she would do whatever she could to make him better.


“Alright Mr. Kinney, we are going to try the bath again only this time we are going to do it with the water.� Then she leaned into him and turned on the dial. It really hurt her when she saw the look of shame on his face when he realized that he was there naked soaped from his head to his toe, but not one drop of water had touched him.


“I’m sorry.� He whispered.


“It’s fine Brian, and don’t you worry things will get better.





“You understand what I just said right?� Justin asked his daughter.


“Yea you said that daddy hurt his head and he may not know me. Why not? Did he forget you too? Did he forget Gus?� Izzy asked.


“No I’m not sure that he forgot Gus and if he remembers me well yea he does, yesterday he didn’t believe I was me but this morning he believed I was me so yea he remembers me. “


“So he might remember me tomorrow if he doesn’t remember me today?� she asked.


“Yea.� Was all he said hoping to god that Brian didn’t hurt his little girl’s feelings when he returned to his room?





“Are we going to see your dad today?� Chris asked as she entered the house.


“I don’t know why don’t we just stay here and watch some TV or something.� Gus responded.


“That could be cool, but I understand if you want to go and see your dad, after what happened the other day. I mean seems like the security should be a bit better at that hospital so that the patients can’t just wander anything could have happened to your dad. If I were Justin I would speak to them about that.�


“Could we not talk about him right now? I mean you haven’t even kissed me yet all you do is talk about dad being in that place being like that.�


Chris was not stupid. She knew that it was killing Gus to see his father like that, and she also knew that he was trying to shut down his emotions not show her that he had a heart. He should know by now that she knew better. She wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t a loving person and he was. He was the most understanding man that she knew. She didn’t care that her parents thought they were too young to know what real love was. She knew it and she found it in him. He was her everything.


“Fine, we can sit around and watch movies if you like, but know this I’m here for you Gus, no matter what you want to do. If you want to sit here and watch movies, or go and see your dad I’m here. Where’s Izzy?�


“Justin took her to see dad.�


“Oh I wonder how that is going. I mean I heard that he can be mean if he gets confused about something.�


“Yea I just couldn’t be there when he did something to her, I would freak before I realized that he couldn’t help himself.�


“Maybe it’ll be a good visit.


“Maybe.� He silently hoped that it was for his sister’s sake.





Justin could hear them before they entered the room. Brian was upset about something, he guess the bath didn’t go as good as they hoped. He was cursing the nurse he believed her name was Kate or Katie. He really wanted to talk to her about Brian’s progress but Lindsay had brought down Izzy eventhough he didn’t really want her to see Brian right now but here she was and she couldn’t turn her away now. She was bouncing up and down on her feet. She was smiling from the moment she heard him curse. She loved Brian, and she knew that sometimes he had a temper. He was also so gentle with her. He begged god to let him be okay with her.


Brian entered the room and he saw Justin standing there with a little girl. Her brown hair and blue eyes looking at him intensely she was torn between standing there and jumping him. What was she going to do?


“Isabella.� He thought.


“Izzy!� he said.


That was all that it took. He said her name, and he remembered her. She threw herself at his feet and then she took his hand as he slowly walked back to his bed. He climbed inside and she slid right beside him and began telling him everything about her days since he been gone and he listened.


“Daddy told me that you may not remember me but I knew you would remember me and you did.� She beamed.


“Of course Peanut how could I forget you, never.


She beamed even more when he called her his nickname. He was the only one who called her peanut and she loved that. She told him about her day, and how her kitten had scratched Lindsay. He asked if he remembered Lindsay and he told her of course. He said of course a lot but she didn’t care. He smelt like her daddy and he looked like him and she didn’t even know what anyone was talking about he was her daddy. She told him that she felt tired, and he told her to go to sleep right there beside him and he would be there when she woke up and she knew he would. She closed her eyes and thought about her daddy and what that would do when they got home. She loved him.


Justin looked at the interactions between the two of them. There was something off about them. He was shocked when he saw her, he couldn’t hide the look from him. He quickly hid it from Izzy but not from him. He wanted to say something but he kept it a secret once she started talking. He winced when she touched him but he didn’t let it show to her. Something was off and he waited until she was sound asleep before he said anything.


“Brian what’s the matter?� Justin asked.


“Nothing.� He said.


“Brian I’m not stupid how was it with Kate and the bath?� He asked cautiously.


“I forgot to turn the fucking water on, and we had to do it all over again. Stupid, I’m fucking stupid that’s what I am.� He said getting upset.


“You’re not stupid, you have gone through something and it’s going to take some time to get back to who you were but I’m here for you Brian. We will get through this together.


“Yea this is nothing.� Brian thought.


“NO! Fuck off!� Brian said.


“You can’t get rid of me like that anymore Brian. I know that you are all over the place but I will be here for you, Izzy too.� He added as he kissed Brian on the forehead.


“That’s another thing, what the hell is Mikey’s kid doing here and I thought her name was JR.� He stated as he looked down on the girl sleeping in his side.�


That was it, Justin couldn’t take anymore he didn’t remember their daughter. He couldn’t hold it in any longer he broke down right then and there. Brian wasn’t trying he wasn’t trying at all he didn’t care that he didn’t remember them but this little girl was in the bed thinking that she was sleeping next to her daddy and he had no idea who she was. How was he going to explain that to her when she woke up that he didn’t know who she was? It would cut her to the core.


Brian took in the distraught Justin. “Why was he so upset?� he thought. Then it hit him like a hurricane. Flashes of the little one in her cradle and the life that he had with her. She was his little peanut. She was theirs. How could he forget her, she was his baby, how could he forget that.


“I remember Justin.� He said making Justin jump. I remember that she ours.� Brian said with a smile. “No need to give up on me yet. I’m not totally useless.� Brian stated and he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


Justin didn’t like to hear that, he couldn’t help the sting that came to his eyes. Brian was still Brian he had to let him know that he still believed that and do his best to make sure he didn’t forget it. He had to stop snapping and getting upset at every little thing. Brian was doing the best he could, what kind of husband was he if he couldn’t be there for his spouse. He needed his mom, she would get him through this, and she would tell him what he needed to do. No couldn’t call her, too much stress. She couldn’t handle stress right now. He could do this he was a man.


Christina lowered Gus’ head down on the couch and started to walk around the house. Britin2. It was a nice place, and Gus had told her of the fire that had taken the life of his mom’s mistress and how distraught she was after that. He was ten when she went away. He knew that it had to be killing him that she was back now. He loved her so much but was hurt when she had to go away, even more hurt that Melanie a woman that was his other mother had pretty much given him away after that. How can a person do that? Especially someone who was supposed to be his mother, who had fought so much to call him her own and then because she was betrayed by the woman that she loved she just had given him away. He told her how she had realized her mistake and came back for him when he was twelve and how he didn’t want to go, but because his father had no legal rights to him he had no choice but to give him back. Mel realized her mistake though, and they worked something out. They had a good relationship now but they probably wouldn’t get back to how they were. So many people had hurt Gus but Brian was his constant she could see it in the photographs all over the mantle. Brian was his son’s father in every way and now would they ever be that way again. She walked into a room far off to the right, and when she turned on the light she was astounded by what she saw.


Lindsay sat in the cafeteria at the hospital still trying to build up the courage to go and see Brian. She would use going to check on Izzy as an excuse to get in to him. Part of her was relieved that there was some brain damage and maybe just maybe he forget that he was mad at her. She shook her head unable to believe what she had just said.


“Stupid.� She said out loud.


“You are not stupid.� Melanie said as she sat down beside her. “You are afraid of what he might say when you go in there. I saw him yesterday and he was nice, which well in his case with me is okay. We’ve come to a crossroad in our relationship. We are dare I say friends. We had to become friends because of Gus. You weren’t around to play referee so we had to get along or he would end up getting hurt. Gus was more important to both of us.� Melanie stated.


“Of course that was after you dropped him literally on Brian’s doorstep after you couldn’t bear to look at him.� Lindsay spat out immediately covering her mouth after she realized what said.


“I’m so sorry Melanie I shouldn’t have said that.� Lindsay stated.


“No you are right, I did him wrong. I just couldn’t look at him without seeing you and Brian. Nothing of me looked back at me and I blamed him for what you did and what I thought Brian had done. It was yet another reason for me to hate him. You served it to me on a silver platter and I never believed him when he said that he had no idea you were going there to cheat on me. I just believed since the two of you had the relationship that you had I just figured of course he knew because it was a reason for him to get at me. You made me feel that, you made me doubt his honesty.�


“No I didn’t. That was one thing that everyone knew about Brian. No apologies, no regrets he didn’t lie. He told you what he wanted you to know whether it was something good or bad about you. Whether it was something that was going to make you love or hate him. He was always brutally honest, that’s a quality I love about him. He’s not that person anymore is he?� Lindsay stated realizing there was a good chance that person was gone for good.


“Maybe not know, but there’s no reason he can’t return to being that asshole we all know and love.� Melanie stated positively.


“You think?� Lindsay asked hoping.


“Yea come on, I’ll go up with you if you want.� Melanie stated reaching for Lindsay’s hand.


Lindsay looked at that hand for a long time and it stood there out in the open. Would she grab it? Could she grab it? She could if she wanted this back, if she wanted Melanie, Gus, and Izzy, and of course JR. “Yes she could do this.� She thought as she grabbed her hand with a squeeze.


“Come on lets go up.� She stated as they headed for the elevators.





Brian awoke with a start. That what hurt the most waking up, waking up and everything seeming normal until he opened his mouth and it all went to shit. This wasn’t the way things were supposed to go and this was not how it was going to remain. It was all very easy if he really thought about it. This so called “New Brian� well he had to die.