Justin sees him for the first time in seven years on December 21, 2014.

 

To be more accurate, it has been seven years and one month to the day. He can’t remember the hours and minutes offhand. He isn’t a lovesick teenager anymore. But if he is being completely honest with himself, he could probably figure it out if he thought really hard about it. Then again, if he was going to go ahead and be completely honest with himself anyway, he also knows he didn’t want to think that hard about November 21, 2007 and the dates in between when it came to Brian Kinney.

 

He had thought, hoped, he would see him again one day. After the angry words filled with hidden accusations and pain thrown between them during a snowfall that had come too early became less painful to think about, he wanted to call. However, while the gang always thought Brian was the stubborn one in their dynamic, little did they know that Justin could easily match him on that front. It wasn’t until May of the next year that he even thought that maybe he should be the first one to make contact with Brian again, or any of his extended family back in Pittsburgh for that matter.

 

The only people from back home he had kept in contact with within those six months were Daphne, Molly, and his mother. And of course they didn’t tell him anything about Brian because he avoided asking about him. Not that they knew that much, since they only saw Brian occasionally. He decided to reach out to Emmett first. Emmett, of course, started berating him for not calling or answering his calls and then cried with happiness due to finally hearing from him again. Then he started acting nervous and overly talkative, even for Emmett. When Justin mentioned he was going to take the first step and call Brian and apologize for what happened, he knew it was too late.

 

“Sweetie, don’t get me wrong, I think it is a good thing that you are willing to patch things up now that you have gotten your head out of your ass. But Justin…he’s been seeing someone.”

 

“So, he's seeing the same trick more than once then? It isn’t like I am with him anymore. I’m not going to have a problem with that, especially with what happened.”

 

“It's more than that. He told us he has been with him for three months. He brought him to dinner. Which is honestly a complete surprise for multiple reasons because we hadn’t seen much of him since you were last here and voila! He comes in last week with his new beau and tells us all about how they met. And Teddy was the only one out of all of us who knew about it, which hurts because he knows I wouldn’t tell anyone ever-”

 

And, on that fateful day in May of 2008, he learned about Eric Davisson. The new eligible gay bachelor of Pittsburgh who, at 32 years old and approximately 5’11”, was lean yet muscular and had olive skin, black curly hair, beautiful green eyes, and a kind and gorgeous smile. He was a genius and innovative architect who was designing the building for a gay and lesbian youth center that Brian was funding and was surprisingly very passionate about. According to Emmett, they met and hit it off. And then they kept hitting it off on a regular basis.

 

It hadn’t been his intention to even start things back up with Brian. At least not immediately. But he couldn’t help but feel betrayed and heartbroken by Brian moving on, and so soon after they had broken up. He knew he should have done more. He knew he should have taken Brian seriously when he brought up expanding Kinnetik to New York and the two of them getting a bigger apartment together. In all honesty, New York had become a new and exciting place for him to explore, become independent in, and a place to meet new people. He hadn't been pining for Brian like he was when he first moved up and was homesick. He should have taken Brian seriously when he told Justin he didn’t want to trick anymore because it didn’t make him feel happy, it just reminded him how lonely he was.

 

And what did Justin do? He pulled a fucking Michael and dismissed it by telling Brian he was just going through something and he would get back to normal. And he kept doing that because it was easier to leave Brian in Pittsburgh with their “no lock on our doors” rule and convince himself that Brian was okay with that since he is the one that enforced the rule in the first place. That made the fact that the man he loved had stayed a changed man and was unhappy easier to ignore. And Brian eventually got to the point where he stopped hiding it. It was just little things first. He started calling less for a while, then he started calling more "just to hear Justin's voice." He would get a bit more openly upset when Justin postponed a visit or told Brian that it wasn't a good weekend for him to come up to New York. One sign that should have raised an alarm was when they fought over the phone and two days later he received two dozen fake roses in the mail because Brian knew that Justin developed an allergy to real ones.

 

So it shouldn't have been a surprise when Brian lost it the day before Thanksgiving. It had been building up, he gets that now. It is only when years have already passed that he gets that Brian was changing because he wanted and needed to change for himself, not only because he felt the whiplash from the pressure put on him by his friends to grow up one second and stay the one constant in their lives the next. He also gets that Brian felt hurt when he called off the wedding due to the quick changes in Brian’s personality. But he also thought that Brian felt relief to stay a free man. And he can also admit to himself that, in his early 20s, he wasn't really ready to settle down right then. He just wanted it to be guaranteed that it would eventually happen one day with the love of his life and he thought that was Brian.

 

But seven years ago, he thought he was doing Brian a favor by giving him the space and freedom he used to thrive on and trying to redirect any returning thoughts Brian may have when it came to monogamy. Some of the gang felt the same, at least Michael, Lindsay, and Debbie did. Emmett had hinted to him that Brian wasn’t tricking nearly as much as he used to and even Ted had called to let him know that Brian seemed a bit depressed and asked when he was coming for his next visit. Soon, they both knew they were wanting different things yet again but the situation was completely switched around.

 

Brian was the one to kick him out though. That was one recurring event that stayed pretty constant. They had sucked and fucked to the days leading up to it, as per usual. But that night Brian sat him down and said he wanted to get Justin out of the sublet room he was currently residing in and get them a bigger place in New York. He wanted expand Kinnetik and have an office in Manhattan. He went as far as getting the rings he kept out and Justin was stupid enough to say he didn’t want Brian to go against who he really was and that monogamy and marriage weren’t important. He expected Brian to feel relieved at that. He wasn’t.

 

“Brian, I’ve been trying to tell you not to worry about changing for me. You know I love you how you are. Please sit-”

 

“I haven’t changed for you, Justin. I want this. I thought you wanted this. Why won’t anyone believe me when I say I want this?”

 

“Brian, I’m sorry. Look, we can talk about it. I just don’t get what changed.”

 

“I changed, Justin. I didn’t plan for it to happen, but it did. Jesus, I changed because of you, not for you. I want to be with you. I miss you when you aren’t here and no one takes me seriously and then they just dismiss what I am saying when I bring up any fucking feelings I have over this and I am sick of it. No one in fucking Pittsburgh can see that I don’t even want to be the stud of Liberty Avenue anymore and that I haven't been since before you left. And when I finally wanted to commit to you, you back out and I understand that because you are doing so well in New York and you deserve to get noticed and you need to establish yourself but I am willing to move there to be with you and even though this is the most I have ever probably said at once in my entire life, you don’t get it! No one fucking gets it!"

 

And Justin tried to reason with him. He did. But Brian eventually pulled out the truth that he, Justin Taylor, was not ready for any sort of commitment after all and that while he would love for Brian to come up to New York, he still wanted to explore his options and fuck around. He even would prefer to stay with his roommate for a little while longer. And he thought that if Brian knew that he still did love him and wanted him there, even if Justin himself wasn't ready to take that step yet, Brian would cool down and realize that the long distance thing got to him and eventually he would realize that he didn't want to take that step either. That wasn't the correct assumption. Just like that, the argument stopped. Brian stared at him with a flushed face and Justin could swear with tears in his eyes, and then ended things with a, “It doesn't matter if I become everything you ask for. We are not on the same page. No matter what we want, we never were and never will be. Get out.” and threw Justin’s duffle bag out into the hallway.

 

And that fucking hurt. It hurt a lot. And he missed Brian and he wanted him to call but he never did. And only when he worked up the courage to even think about calling Brian himself, he found out that it was in fact possible for Brian Kinney to willingly and enthusiastically move on and commit to someone.

 

He never ran into him in Pittsburgh. He barely ever went back to visit anyway. Soon, there became no reason to. His sister went to college at WVU and just accepted a job in Morgantown. Daphne met a guy her junior year of college and moved with him to Philadelphia after graduating. His mother and Tucker moved up to Connecticut to be closer to Justin’s grandparents. Michael and Ben eventually moved to Toronto to be closer to the girls and JR. Not so surprisingly, Debbie didn’t last more than a year in Pittsburgh without her son, so she and Carl put the house up for sale and bought a place up there as well. Emmett eventually got back with Drew and Drew signed with the New York Giants and finished up his football career with them. They got a nice town house in Hoboken, so he saw Emmett pretty regularly and he had even catered a couple of gallery showings Justin had attended. Justin and Ted were never that close and Ted had become close friends with Brian anyway, but he was still with Blake and still working at Kinnetik. According to Emmett, Brian had made Ted and Cynthia partners a few years after Justin had moved to New York. The last big piece of news he had really heard about Brian was that he had expanded Kinnetik to Chicago over three years ago and moved up there with Eric and their newborn daughter. The little news he had received about Brian over the years had shocked him less and less as time had passed.

 

Eventually, instead of feeling shocked and heartbroken, he felt surprised and even happy for him even though those emotions were conflicting with the bit of longing and sadness he still held in his heart. Despite that, he was glad Brian seemed to find some sort of happiness with someone who couldn’t automatically judge him due to who he was before. And he can’t feel bitter about that, because Justin had mostly moved on as well. He had a string of fuck buddies and boyfriends throughout the years but he eventually met Nathan who has been with for almost two years. He formed a small group of friends up here and started to keep in touch with Emmett, Debbie, and even Michael and Ben again. His work is selling well in various galleries not only in New York, but in other parts of the country as well. He is happy with his life.

 

“Justin?”

 

Justin jerks himself out of his thoughts. He looks up to see a tall man with a bundled up little girl on his shoulders and he realizes Brian had spotted him and made his way over to him.

 

“...Hey, Brian.”

 

There is a long pause and they just look at each other. He looks different. A bit older. He had a short beard that appears to have a couple of grey hairs in it and a little bit of crinkling around his eyes. He is still beautiful.

 

“Aren’t New Yorkers supposed to avoid Macy’s at all cost?”

 

“I like the displays they have for Christmas and haven't gotten around to seeing it yet. That doesn’t explain you. Why aren’t you on 5th Avenue shopping instead?”

 

“Macy’s is much more fascinating to a three year old than the stores on 5th Avenue.”

 

The little girl on Brian’s shoulders starts to pull at his hair and chants,

 

“Daddy, Santa!”

 

“We’ll see, baby.”

 

Brian leans in and quietly says to Justin, “There is no way I am waiting in that line. She saw Santa in Chicago. She will forget about it once she looks at the window displays, I’m hoping.”

 

Justin nods, not sure what to say to this Brian. Brian smiles at him and introduces him to his daughter, Lily. She looks down at Justin excitedly, gives an exaggerated hand wave, and yells, “Hello, Justin!” and goes back to looking at what she can see from her father’s shoulders.

“Want to walk with us to the other side of the building?”

 

The few minutes it takes to get to the displays are a little awkward. He asks about Gus, who Brian says is in his first year of high school (and doesn’t that just make him feel old) and has his first girlfriend, whom he is crazy over. Lindsay is managing a gallery in Toronto, which he knew about, and Melanie was finally able to start her own practice last month, which is great considering the rocky start she had while gaining the right to practice law in Canada. He is working up the courage to inquire about Eric, when they hit the crowd of the people who are looking at the windows of Macy’s, mesmerized.

 

One window displays a wonderland of flawless crystallized ice that shines with hues of blue, white, silver, and gold. Other windows display small moving sets that depict complex and dreamlike images that appeal to people of all ages. When he finally stops himself from looking at the displays, he looks over at Brian.

 

“Look at that one over there, Lily! Do you see them dancing?”

 

“Look at that one, Daddy! It looks like Frozen! Where’s Olaf?”

 

“I don’t know what either of those things are.”

 

“Daddy! You do know! You know all the words to-”

 

“Lily, look! Rudolph!”

 

Brian stops and sneaks a glance at Justin. Justin glances right back at him and smirks. Brian mirrors his expression before reaching into his pocket to look at his phone.

 

“Lily, we’re gonna go meet Papa down the street and go eat.”

 

“But, I’m looking-”

 

“We can come back later, I promise.”

 

Lily seems to consider it, agrees, then she looks at Brian and says, “You inviting Justin to meet Papa too?”

 

Brian is put on the spot for several seconds and looks at Justin as though he is asking him a silent question. Justin is about to put him out of his misery and tell him he has to get going but then Brian asks,

 

“Are you hungry?”

 

Justin wasn’t expecting that. He is about to say no, that he had already eaten a shitty hot dog off the street, but thanks. But he is curious. He is curious about the man Brian is raising a child with and has built this life with. He also is genuinely hungry because his body never is able to say no to the prospect of food, even after he got over puberty.

 

“I’m never not. That is something that hasn’t changed.”

 

Brian grins and says, “You always did eat everything in my fridge.”

 

“Like that was hard. All you usually had was leftover Thai and guava juice.”

 

“I like grape Juicy Juice the best.” Lily exclaims proudly.

 

“That is a wonderful choice, Lily,” Justin tells her.

 

“So, you’re coming with us?”

 

“...Yes.”

 

Brian's expression is blank. But then he nods and reaches into his pocket to grab his phone and send a quick text. He waits for a minute longer and his phone lights up. He reads the message silently and glances at Justin once more.

 

"Let's get going then."

“Apartment hunting in New York is not as interesting as I thought it was going to be.” Eric thought to himself, as he stepped out of the brick building on Houston St.

 

He thought it would be easier since they had a larger budget than many couples, but they were looking to buy and both he and Brian were going to be pickier about it. It had been Brian who had covered a couple of places in the Upper East and West Sides yesterday and Eric had taken Lily to see the Lion King. They were going to a place in the West Village that was just advertised a few hours ago tomorrow morning. In all honesty, they should have seen them together to begin with, but there were so many things going on for young children due to the holidays and they wanted to Lily to get acquainted with all the city had to offer, since she was uncomfortable about leaving Chicago. It also made it so they didn’t have to carry her around and wear her out by putting her through adult things just a few days after moving their stuff into the sublet apartment they were living in. So it was his turn to see the apartments today. This one in Soho, one in Tribeca, and two in the Financial District, one in Tribeca. They were all fine and very Brian with their sleek modern look and open floor plans (except the bedrooms because they both learned quickly that a small child can be a real cock blocker) but he didn’t feel right about any of them and neither did Brian, despite being pretty adamant about wanting to stay in Manhattan.

 

When he gets the contract and designs a building or a house for a client, he is known for modern floor plans, bold colors, angled ceilings, and the works. They are similar to the downtown apartments he viewed. But he wanted something a tiny bit more traditional for Lily. They didn’t need a suburban home or anything, but a foyer would be nice. More separation in between the rooms and having an apartment they could actually move around in and have their own space in would be a plus too. Brian of all people knew that Lily was, endearingly, a hyper little shit. In Chicago, he found her on top of the island in the kitchen hanging off the pots and pans above the stovetop. Brian tried to hide it, but he was livid. “What if she managed to turn one of the burners on and she just let herself hang over the fire and burn slowly?” he had said, “It would have been a nightmare.” And there hadn’t been a stool or chair in sight. Eric himself doesn’t know how that is even possible. She still won’t tell them how she did it. But while Eric thinks having a bigger room, more space to play in, and moving into anything other than a large studio may be good for Lily, Brian thinks she will manage to sneak out of sight and jump out a 12th story window.

 

He wasn’t under any illusions that a bigger place would keep her out of trouble and keep her from breaking stuff. She was a three year old, or three and a half, as she insists on everyone knowing. But he wanted a place they could build a real home in. Both of them were doing quite well. Brian was spending more than he had in a while, due to buying out a floor on Madison Ave for Kinnetik to expand in, but they had met when both of them were quite established within their careers already and finances had never been a problem for the two of them in the last six and a half years they had known each other. Things on pretty much all fronts had been good. Brian, as frustrating as he can be sometimes, was a wonderful partner to him and a doting father to Lily and Gus.

 

Eric knew right from the beginning that he had been lucky when he came to Pittsburgh to design and oversee the construction of The Gay and Lesbian Youth Center of Pittsburgh. He was contacted by Brian by email with praise on his previous work and a passionate explanation on what he wanted to do. He wanted a place for teenagers who identified as LGBT or even just questioning to have a place to go where they could feel safe and not judged. He wanted counseling services for the kids so that they could become more confident and for parents who were struggling to grip with their child’s identity, regular healthy and substantial meals for visitors to have, rooms for teens who had been kicked out to stay in until they work things out for them, tutoring services in case they had missed school due to bullying or being on the streets, extracurricular classes to encourage the kids in their talents and interests, an entertainment room and a small library so they could socialize and get books out to read. Eric had struggled with his sexuality throughout his childhood and even into his twenties and he wishes there had been a place like this for him seek refuge in.

 

When he finally did get a boyfriend at 25 and let his parents know, it can be said that they were not happy about it and his relationship with most of his family has been cordial and distant at best ever since. He had experimented a few times with men after he moved to D.C. for school but only committed to the occasional woman, until Joshua. They didn’t have too much in common, but he had dated Joshua for over a year. Then he found out he was cheating on him with a married woman. That had just confused him because Joshua’s flame burned pretty bright. But when his sister let that slip to his parents, they pleaded with him to get over this phase because Joshua obviously had and if someone like Joshua could, then why couldn’t he? So the idea of a place that actively helped teenagers meet other people their age like themselves and tried to work with their families into being more accepting really made him want to work on this with Brian. He moved down for what was supposed to be for four months. Things with Brian started up in the first six weeks within meeting and he stayed for three years before they expanded Kinnetik.

 

Eric thinks he has given Brian and Lily enough time and he is honestly starting to feel his stomach rumbling at this point. He gets out his phone and texts Brian:

 

Hey! Went to see the apts.
All looked nice but idk about buying.
Still think we should look in
Brooklyn Heights and Cobble Hill.
Neither of us are too far from Chelsea
Want meet in the middle and go to that
sandwich place for lunch?

 

Eric waited for a minute and received a text back.

 

Yeah, that sounds good.
Be there soon. I love you.

 

It wasn’t as though Brian had never said the words before. He had several times, but it was rare enough that it always put a stupid grin on Eric’s face and gave him a fluttering feeling in his stomach. He was about to text back an, “I love you too <3” but his phone vibrated again with another text from Brian.

 

Ran into Justin. Lily invited my ex-fiance to lunch
so he could meet my current one. You.

 

And then his phone buzzed again.

 

You can top tonight if you want.

 

At least he gave him that nice sentiment.

 

Eric knew Brian had only one other actual boyfriend before him. He knew that Brian had fallen hard for the young man, even though it went against his no repeats rule he had in his 20s. He also knew that had gotten his heart broken just a couple months before he met him and Brian had given him whiplash when it came to wanting to go out and spend time together one minute and pushing him away the next in the early stages of their relationship. He knew that his first love was an artist doing quite well for himself and he knew that Brian had bought one of his paintings anonymously after they moved to Chicago. He didn’t complain about it. He understood that Brian needed something to remember him by and he could even admit the painting was fantastic. He felt some light jealousy but kept it to himself. And when he agreed with Brian that Kinnetik needed to expand to Manhattan, he was too worried about uprooting Lily and his own career (it is daunting to build in a city that is already taken up its space with buildings) to really focus on that he even knew Justin Taylor lived in New York as well. He just hadn’t expected to be meeting him so soon.

 

So as Eric looked down at his phone and tried to sort out what he felt when he thought about who Justin Taylor was to his fiancé, he typed out a message and flagged down a cab.

 

Can’t wait.

As Brian gets Lily off of his shoulders and onto his hip, he puts his hand up to hail one of the many cabs passing by. It isn’t too terribly far and he could walk if he wanted to but his kid has been out in the cold for a while and he wants to get her warm sooner rather than later. He tells Justin just that. Justin. Brian doesn’t know exactly what was going through his head when he just asked him to lunch instead of attempting to give him an out. He knows that Justin hasn’t completely left his head and his heart in the first place, so seeing him there and seeing how beautiful he still was made all of his rationality go out the window for a minute.

 

“You are still rational enough to not give into any urges you may have.” Brian thinks to himself firmly.

 

A cab pulls over to the curb. He gets Lily settled in, then slides in and gets her on his lap. He scoots over so Justin can get in next to them.

 

“Where to?” the driver asks the men as he gets back into the lane.

“Not far. Just to The Telegraphe Cafe on 6th Ave and 18th Street.” Brian replies.

 

As they drive along the streets of New York, Lily decides to go on and on about what she wanted to get to eat.

 

“Daddy, I want spaghetti.”

“Lily, they don’t have spaghetti.”

“I bet Papa wants spaghetti.”

“I bet he doesn’t.”

“I bet he does.”

“How about a grilled cheese sandwich instead? You can share some soup with me too.”

 

Lily thinks it over and comes to the decision that this is acceptable. Then, she looks over at Justiin.

 

“Sorry, Jus’n. No spaghetti. You like grilled cheese?”

 

“I love grilled cheese. I don’t know if I will get it today but they are always yummy.”

 

Lily quiets down after that and starts playing with her dad’s hand. Brian tickles her a little and then glances over at Justin and decides to break the silence.

 

“She is a bit tired today. She has had a couple of busy days going to plays and museums and going shopping for new clothes. She is really smart for her age and has a big vocabulary. Usually she talks so fast that you can’t keep up with her and is running around once her feet touch the ground. She keeps us on our toes.”

 

“She seems like a great kid, Brian. How long are you all visiting New York for?”

 

“Actually...we are moving here. Kinnetik has been doing so well in Pittsburgh and Chicago and we have collected a lot of high-profile New York clients despite not having a location in the city. So, it was time to physically have an office here. Eric was actually looking at some apartments this morning. We are subletting a place until we find a place we love enough to buy. We are going to start looking together tomorrow but wanted Lily to have fun these first couple of days. She is still uneasy about moving so we wanted her to enjoy her time in the city when she got here.”

 

Before Justin can respond, the cab pulls over by their destination. Brian pays the driver, telling Justin, “Please, it is like $11 bucks. Put your wallet back in your pocket.” Justin tries to tip but Brian gives the driver a twenty dollar bill and told him to keep the change. Brian walked with Lily and Justin to the entrance of the cafe. The place is small and casual. Only a few people are there. Eric stands up, walks over, and kneels down as Brian put their daughter down on the floor. Lily squeals and yells, “Papa!!!” Her voice vibrates with the heavy steps she takes as she runs to Eric with so much excitement that would make an onlooker believe that she hasn’t seen him in weeks, rather than just seeing him last night before she went to bed. Eric takes her into his arms, hugged her, then picks her up.

 

“What did you do with Daddy today, Silly Lily?” Eric asks her as he sits her on his hip, carrying her back to the table as Brian and Justin followed.

 

“We went to bunches of places, Papa! We went to a Disney Store spent lots of time in there! Daddy got me a BEAUTIFUL dress that looks just like Rapunzel’s! He said it looked tacky but I say it is the best dress ever and he must have thought so too but didn’t wanna say ‘cause he bought it for me anyway and I thanked him a lot. Then, we went to Macy’s and looked at windows. That sounds boring but it was really fun.”

 

“I’m glad you had fun, baby.” Eric grins over at Brian and Justin and extends his hand towards Justin. “Sorry about not introducing myself as soon as I saw you. Lily tends to talk a lot. You must be Justin. I’m Eric. It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Justin accepts the handshake and smiles back at him. “I am Justin. It’s nice to meet you too. Thanks for being okay with me coming along.”

 

“We met him on the street, so Daddy and I invited him.” Lily states as Eric laughs at her explanation.

 

“It’s no problem. Lily and Brian are certainly hard to say no to.”

 

They all sit down at the table, the waitress takes their order, and they start making small talk about how things were on the trip over and how they were enjoying the city so far. Lily told Justin about The Lion King and how much she loved it. Justin told her he loved it so much that he had seen it twice. It wasn’t long until they got their food and they started to eat.

 

“So which neighborhood are you in right now? If you don’t mind me asking.” Justin inquires as he put his spoon down.

 

Eric wipes his mouth with his napkin and waves his hand to imply he didn’t mind.

 

“Right now we are in the lower part of the Upper East Side. It’s a temporary place but it is okay for right now. It is definitely small but it is a two bedroom and the living room is big enough to have a Christmas tree up for Lily. But Brian and I are looking for something bigger. I think he is leaning toward the Upper West Side or the West Village but I am leaning towards Brooklyn. Prices are going up but Brooklyn Heights, Dumbo, and Cobble Hill aren’t far from the city plus there are townhouses and larger apartments available in those areas that are lower in price than some of the studios in the village.”

 

“I’m not against another borough, I just would like to be close to the office.”

 

“But think of the space and even the potential view we could have! If we do Brooklyn Heights or Cobble Hill, there are a couple of places not far from Court St and that has the 4 and 5 train, the 2 and 3, the N, Q, R and the A and C aren’t far either. Plus there are more built in garages so you could have a place to put your car without worrying about street cleaning and tickets."

 

Brian lets out an exaggerated put upon sigh.

 

“Fine. We can look in Brooklyn.”

 

“Ha ha! I knew I could persuade you.” Eric says as he gave Brian a kiss on his cheek.

 

Brian looks over at Justin, squints his eyes, and asks, “Out of those three neighborhoods, which one is the most Stepfordy of the bunch?

 

Justin snorts, “I don’t know, Brian. Maybe Brooklyn Heights. Brooklyn has become more desirable to live in than Manhattan in the last couple of years. Larger living space for lower prices and more apartment availability. Dumbo is slightly more industrial but, while convenient enough, not as convenient as Brooklyn Heights. Cobble Hill might be a little less ritzy and expensive than the Heights but not by much. If you want more space and are willing to spend more, I would go with Brooklyn Heights or Cobble Hill. Yeah, there are a lot of families there, but it is really pretty, I’ve heard they have good schools, and most people in the city in general mostly keep to themselves so you don’t have to worry TOO much about regularly getting invited to community get togethers.

 

“Brian would hate for that to happen. He once took personal offense to the couple who lived in the apartment below ours in Chicago because they gave us a casserole to welcome us to the neighborhood.”

 

“They also brought Lily the most hideous onesie I have ever seen. If that woman’s taste in clothing was that bad, then her cooking probably wasn’t much better.” Brian huffs in defiance.

 

“Babe, that doesn’t even make sense.”

 

“That honestly doesn’t surprise me. He once scared off a Christian fundraising group that kept coming to the loft hoping for a donation for a new playground by answering the door wearing absolutely nothing.” Justin reveals.

 

Then Eric and Justin start laughing at Brian’s expense and Brian feels like he has entered some sort of weird dimension where his ex and his fiancé laughing together is completely acceptable. He looks down at Lily to see if she has noticed that the two of them had fallen into some strange universe and that it is her and her daddy against the world. But Lily doesn’t pay any mind to possibly being lost within some sort of warped black hole. She only pays attention to tearing up her grilled cheese into a bunch of little pieces.

 

“Eat your food.” he tells her.

 

“I will. I’m just fixing it first.” she insists, as though tearing it up would make it taste so much better. Usually there isn’t much of a point to argue her logic.

 

“So Justin, what part of the city are you living in?” Eric asks him after their laughter died down.

 

“I’m in SoHo right now, but moving to Williamsburg in February once my lease is up.” Justin tells them.

 

“I just looked in SoHo today. It is a great area. The apartment was mostly an open floor plan though.”

 

“Yeah, that is how mine is. There are some bigger ones if you want to pay a completely outrageous price but the majority of living spaces in SoHo are lofts. I love it but I own a gallery in Williamsburg plus Nathan is living over there so we are looking for a one bedroom.” Justin explains.

 

Of course the first thing Brian wants to do is start asking questions about Nathan, like what Nathan does. Is he an artist? Is he in another field? Is he better than he is? But Brian holds his tongue and instead asks Justin, “So you own a gallery now? That’s great!”

 

“Yeah, I bought a three story building that used to be an auto-repair shop. It had two apartments over it so I just made some renovations, put in some stairs and a service elevator in between floors and it has been doing pretty well. I get a lot of local street artists to show their stuff there as well as some students at several of the colleges.” Justin informs them.

 

“That sounds really great! One of my favorite parts of the city is that the artists will paint or draw in public for the whole world to see. It is great to hear that someone is taking interest in their work. Brian and I will have to stop by sometime, won’t we Brian?” Eric says to him. Brian finds the whole situation to be so bizarre that it takes him a second to nod and say, “Sure.”

 

Then he feels a nudge and looks down at his kid sneaking his bowl away to finish the broth at the bottom of his soup.

 

“Hey,” he murmured quietly.

 

Lily slurps and takes the bowl away from her face. “Yes?”

 

“Does anything feel off to you?”

 

Lily giggles, leaning into her father, “You are so funny, daddy.”

 

He has to teach his kid to be more observant.

 

But he couldn’t blame her. She obviously has gotten it from Eric who is completely oblivious that his partner was sitting here confused to all hell while he speaks and laughs with Justin. And Justin doesn't seem to notice how awkward the situation is either. He must have a type. Justin and Eric look nothing alike, but neither of them have any clue at all whatsoever.

 

Finally, the check comes and Justin insists that he pay for all of them. Justin leaves the waitress a good tip and they all head outside of the restaurant to part ways.

 

“Eric, it was so nice meeting you. Let me know if either of you need any help with anything when you find a place. Here is my card. Feel free to stop at the gallery any time.”

 

“Will do, Justin. It was nice meeting you. I’m sure we will see each other again soon enough.”

 

Lily has a hold of Brian’s hand as she looked up at Justin and exclaimed, “Bye, Justin!”

 

“Bye, Lily! It was nice meeting you!”

 

Justin looks back up at Brian and quietly says, “Goodbye, Brian.”

 

Brian just nods and says, “Bye, Justin.” then watches Justin wrap his scarf around his neck and walk away. Then he looks at Eric, forces a smile, and says,

 

“Lily needs a nap. Let’s head home.”

Justin usually doesn't go and actively work in his gallery on the weekends, but he needs to get his mind off of the surprise of the afternoon. He is actually pretty lucky they had stopped at that place for lunch, since the L train is only four blocks away and that means he doesn't have to transfer trains like he would have from Herald Square or his apartment. So he walks down to 14th street and catches the L. He gets off after a few stops and walks the two blocks to the Bedford Art Gallery. He walks inside and sees his intern, Lola (who seems to have changed her hair from a royal purple to a shade of lavender,) doing inventory and Max getting a few new pieces in for the show on New Year’s Eve.

 

“Hey Justin,” Lola calls out, without looking away from the laptop.

 

“Hey, Lola. Your hair looks good. What are you doing here so early? You usually don’t come in until 3 on Sundays.”

 

“Nothing else better to do. What about you? Couldn’t get Nathan away from his muse?”

 

“Calling Arm & Hammer Baking Soda anyone’s muse seems to be a bit odd, don’t you think?” Justin asks her in amusement.

 

“Well, you have to be pretty passionate to write a song about them. Or be getting paid a pretty decent sum of money.”

 

“Pretty sure it is the second one.” Justin laughs, “I talked to him last night and he was working on it. I will probably stop over later to see how he is doing.”

 

“Hey, at least his band has that gig next Saturday at The Dram Shop, right?”

 

“Yeah, I think he will feel better that he is getting work in what he actually wants to do.”

 

“Well, I’ll be there.”

 

Justin thanks her for it and goes back to his office. He closes the door and throws himself in the office chair. Brian. After all this time, he ran into Brian. What are the fucking odds of that? That he would run into Brian, just three days after the man moved to the city? He doesn't know how he feels about it. And he doesn't know how Brian had felt about it either. It had been weird, to say the least. Brian barely contributed to the conversation once they met up with Eric. In fact, Justin had spent most of the time talking to Eric instead of Brian himself.

 

He hadn’t been expecting to actually like Eric. He never knew much about him other than what some of the gang had told him in passing throughout the years when they talked on the phone. He did look him up on Facebook a few weeks after Lily would have been born out of curiosity. He even remembers what his profile picture looked like. It was a close up of Eric and his little family. Brian had Lily in his arms, eyes filled with love, and Eric was leaning over, smiling, and stroking his baby’s face. Justin remembers how heavy his heart had felt. He had known Brian had entered a serious relationship but it was then when it had hit him how much he had probably hurt Brian by going back on what he had previously said he had wanted. He could look at that picture and see how happy he was, how happy both of them were, and how much he must have wanted this. He had been happy for him but, even though over three years had passed since they had broken up at that point, there was a small part of him that had thought, “That could have been me.” That feeling might have faded but it was still there just slightly. But he was still happy for Brian. Brian and Eric move so well with each other and Justin can see how much Lily loves both of her dads.

 

“Just take your mind off of it. Think of Nathan.” Justin says to himself as he rubbed his temples.

 

Justin loves Nathan. A lot. Not like he had loved Brian, Justin had loved Brian when he was young and hormone ridden. Justin is nearing 32 and he is the older man in the relationship now. Nathan's wonderful. Right now, things are rough for him, which brings out some of his negative qualities, like getting too emotional about rejection and taking things very personally in a multitude of ways, whether getting upset about someone not caring for a song he wrote or seeing that goddamn Sarah Mclachlan commercial. But he is filled with life. He is a good listener and enthusiastically encourages Justin’s already established career, even if Nathan felt he hit a block with his own. 

 

Nathan, almost nine years his junior, is not like Brian on the surface. Some people do a double take when they found out he and Justin are together. He doesn't know why, exactly. They dress a little differently and, despite both being in a creative field, their interests differ when it comes to several things. And Nathan tends not to be the most grounded person when it comes to his emotions. He had no problem showing some of him, since he does have occasional queen outs over the fate of his career, afraid that he would write commercial jingles for the rest of his life when he wants his band to succeed. Yet, when Nathan enters truly dark moments, he would clam up and withdraw. Justin feels for him because the band is actually very good. And Justin thinks Nathan knows that. Nathan doesn't need the constant praise the Ethan "the genius" had needed either.

 

He had seen Nathan’s band perform a few times at small music festivals and bars, that’s how he met Nathan in the first place. But, if you put them in a genre, it would probably be punk rock in style with more of a glam rock sound. But the record labels are focused on EDM and indie folk music. So Nathan had been especially moody about that the last few months. Justin tries to remind him that he is lucky to get so many offers on the jingle thing, because it does pay pretty well but Nathan is adamant that it is rotting away any talent he might have.
Justin sighs as he thinks about his boyfriend. He should probably call him. Nathan was upset last night so Justin pulls out his cell and dials Nathan’s number.

 

“Hello?” Nathan answers.

 

“Hey, it’s me. I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

 

“Fine. Arm & Hammer will be pleased that I sacrificed any artistic integrity I have left for their consumerism.”

 

Well, at least he isn’t crying like last night.

 

“I am sure it sounds great and you will give them a completely new image.”

 

“Why the fuck do they need a jingle? Everyone already knows Arm & Hammer. Most people buy their fucking baking soda anyway! Why can’t they just stop shoving it down our throats?”

 

“Hey, Nathan? Nathan. How about you come over to the gallery and give me a hand with things? Get your mind off it. Just remember that you finished it and you are getting paid.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Why are you over there? It’s Sunday.”

 

“I had nothing else better to do. Come on, I wanna see you.”

 

“Alright, I will be there in about a half hour. I have to shower first.”

 

“That’s fine. See you soon.”

 

Justin hangs up and goes out to help Max with some of the paintings that they are bringing in. He recognizes one of the paintings as Aisha’s. They had come across a twelve year old girl who lives in Brownsville. She puts his younger self to shame. She comes from a low income area and she and her three siblings are being raised by their grandmother. For the past year and a half, she has taken the train after school or in the morning on the summers and weekends to Central Park and paints there. She offers to do portraits, paints the scenery, paints something from her imagination. She has been just trying to bring in a little money back to her family to help out. He ended up finding her one day about six months ago and she had told him she did this because she was too young to get hired anywhere and didn’t want to do the things her older brother had done because he was dead now. That statement had startled him to say the least, so he had given her his contact information and had spoken with her grandmother. He sent her art supplies, canvases, some money for the work that she would do outside of school and checked on her progress every week. She has managed to make fourteen paintings. She is going to get one of the main rooms of the ground floor to herself and is sharing a show with three other people. If he had doubted his decision before, he no longer did when she had thrown herself at him and thanked him profusely with tears streaming down her face.

 

“So Justin, how has your weekend been going?” Max asks him as they each carried a painting out of the van.

 

“It’s been...going. How has yours been?”

 

“Alright. I don’t know if Lola told you, but she made a couple of big sales an hour or so before you came in.” Max says, his voice filled with pride.

 

“That’s awesome. I will give her the commission money from it.”

 

“Yeah, I just thought you should know that she is doing a good job.”

 

Max has been working for him since May, after he graduated college with a degree in Art History. He is a sweet guy, lanky with thick glasses. He is sort of awkward and nervous and babbles when he gets overwhelmed but he is very meticulous about the paintings and Justin genuinely likes the guy. Lola started her year long internship in September. It would take someone who is deaf and blind to not be able to realize that Max is head over heels when it comes to her.  He thought about asking Max why he hasn't asked her out yet, but he figures it isn't his place as their supervisor.

 

About half an hour passes before Nathan comes in. He seems to be in an okay mood as he comes over to Justin and kisses the living daylights out of him, then starts kissing his jaw.

 

“Missed you.” Nathan purred into his ear.

 

“You saw me two days ago.”

 

“Still missed you. Let’s go into your office.”

 

“Nathan, I want to help them with the paintings first.”

 

“Fine. After though, I want you to fuck me ov-”

 

“Nathan. Employee and intern in the next room.”

 

“Whatever. What do you need help with?”

 

“Just help me sort some paintings and decide on where to put what. We aren’t actually moving anything today but I want the paintings and sculptures we have to get designated places before Christmas.”

 

So he and Nathan get to work and decide where to put what. And Nathan puts up with Justin’s over-analyzing of what should go where for the best lighting and exposure like he usually does. After a few hours they get the majority of work completed. Nathan suggests Justin go with him grocery shopping so they can make dinner together. While that goes okay, making dinner happens much later since Nathan literally has his clothes off as soon as they go through the door and Justin is fucking him against the kitchen table soon after. Eventually, dinner does get made and they sit down to eat. Justin stays mostly quiet until Nathan speaks up.

 

“Why are you so weird today?”

 

Justin doesn't register the question.

 

“Justin.”

 

Justin looks away from his plate and at Nathan.

 

“Huh?”

 

“What’s wrong with you?”

 

“Oh. Nothing.”

 

“Liar. You have been quiet all day. You were more or less going through the motions while you were fucking me. What is wrong?”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Nathan. I’m just feeling weird. Probably coming down with a cold or something.”

 

“Is it something I did?”

 

“No.”

 

“I know that I have been sort of mopey and I whine about the commercial stuff, but that is just me venting. Tell me if I ever bother you with it.”

 

“You aren’t bothering me. It is nothing, I assure you.”

 

Justin gets up to wash his plate in the sink. He feels arms come around him and settle on his stomach, before lips press against his shoulder.

 

“Love you, Justin," Nathan mumbles into his shoulder, "More than I have ever loved anyone.”

 

Justin touches one of his hands, bringing it up to his mouth, then kisses it. If he didn’t speak, then he didn’t have to lie.

Lily falls asleep on the cab ride home, so there is a reason not to bring anything up quite just yet. She has her head on Eric’s chest as she puffs out soft breaths onto his neck. So Eric can pretend that this is why Brian is barely saying a word on the 40-odd block drive to their apartment.

 

Eric had been surprised, to say the least, that he had actually gotten along with Justin. It isn't like he was expecting a downright brawl over Brian with them scratching each other’s eyes out. But he hadn’t expected to talk about living in New York or each other’s careers and especially not about their respective experiences with their mutual acquaintance, Brian Kinney. But they had. He had found that he had respected Justin. He can go as far as to say that he even likes him. But Brian more or less had sat there and occasionally chatted with Lily. It is times like those where Eric wants to remind his fiancé to keep his people skills in check a little better. But he understands that it was probably awkward for Brian, to say the least.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The cab approaches their building and they pay the driver, before rushing into the entrance to get inside away from the cold and taking the elevator up to their floor. Brian gets his keys out of his pocket and opens the door for Eric and Lily. Eric walks past him to put Lily down on her bed. He takes off her coat, shoes, hat, and scarf, then tucks her in. After she is settled, Eric quietly shuts the door to her bedroom and turns to Brian.

 

“So…” Eric starts.

 

“What was that about?” Brian blurts out.

 

“What was what about?”

 

“You know what I am talking about. With Justin and the whole, ‘Oh, Justin! I am sure we will see each other very soon! We can even stop by the gallery tomorrow!’” Brian mocks as he kicks off his shoes and collapses onto the couch.

 

“I think we remember things differently.”

 

“Whatever, I was paraphrasing.”

 

“I was trying to be nice to him. He was respectful to me and I owed him the same courtesy,” Eric explains, “He seems very nice and I don’t know many people in this city yet outside of a few potential clients, so I wanted to make conversation.”

 

“…What, you want to be friends with him?”

 

“I am not aiming for that necessarily, but I am not completely against it. I was also trying to make up for your lack of conversational skills. You are the one who brought him to lunch and then you didn’t really say much and left the conversation up to us. It would have been awkward if we had just sat there.”

 

“Yeah…about that. I was just…”

 

“Weirded out? Uncomfortable?”

 

“Pretty much. Sorry.”

 

“I get it, Brian. I know it had to have been weird for you. I do know you. I know what you felt for him and that he will always hold a big place in your heart…I just hope that if we see him again or start seeing him on a regular basis that I don’t have to worry about my place in it too much?”

 

Brian sits up to look at Eric who, for the first time in years, looks a little insecure when it comes to Brian’s feelings for him. Brian hates seeing that look on his face. So he gets up and crosses the room to Eric, stares into his eyes, and kisses him, putting his arms around him in the process. Even though he has opened up more in the last several years due having both Justin and Eric in his life, he still hates saying the stuff he is about to say. But the truth needs to be put out there and he won't begrudge Eric of it.

 

“You don’t have to worry. I live with you. I share a daughter with you. I love you. Justin may have been the first person I have ever fallen for but not the only person. You, Lily, and Gus are the three most important people in my life. Okay?”

 

“I know. You too.”

 

Brian starts to kiss him again and gently directs him to their bedroom. Eric unbuttons Brian’s shirt and kisses his chest and collar bone as he slides it off. After the rest of their clothes are discarded, they fall back onto the bed. Eric manages to get Brian onto his back and plants kisses down his torso to his pelvis. He takes Brian’s cock in his mouth and does every trick he knows works on his lover to make the man moan and pant with need. When he brings Brian close to release, he stops and travels back up his body to kiss him again.

 

“Hmmph, wha?” Brian starts to say through the kiss.

 

“You said something when you texted me today that intrigued me.”

 

Brian looks confused for a moment and thinks back to earlier. He rolls his eyes and huffs out a laugh, then looks at Eric.

 

“Well…get to it then.”

 

“Are you giving into more of your primal urges in your advanced years, old man?”

 

“Please. You are NOT that far behind me and you are still my good little bottom 75% percent of the time.”

 

“I think it is more like 70%”

 

“Says you. Are you wanting me to change my mind?”

 

Eric laughs and plants kisses all over his lover’s face. Then he stares at Brian and says, “I want to see you when I am inside of you.”

 

Brian looks nervous for a moment, then meets Eric's eyes again and nods. He spreads his legs so Eric can settle himself in between them and feels Eric’s lubed fingers at his entrance. Brian gasps when Eric touches his prostate and moans when his lover finally enters him. As Eric increases his speed, Brian wraps his legs tighter around Eric, pushes back towards his thrusts, and rolls his hips for the maximum amount of pleasure. As Eric comes inside of him and brings him to completion as well, Brian does something he hasn't had to do in a while and tries to get Justin’s face out of his head.

Contrary to the former popular belief, Brian Kinney was able to find love. Yes, he found it with Justin. But he had also found it with Eric. He remembers Mikey and Ted seeming to wait for him to crash after he broke up with Justin for good. They had expected him to return to his wicked ways and make flyers for Orgy Loft Night featuring your favorite ingestible letters of the alphabet. But that (surprisingly, he might give them that) hadn’t happened. The first month he did use fucking as a coping mechanism, yes, but they were mostly call boys that looked like Justin and probably pitied him when they let him hold them. He knows how fucking pathetic he had been.  But, as much as he still wanted Justin, he actually wanted to move on as well.

 

It hurt that most of his friends couldn’t see that he had changed, but it was a stab to the heart that Justin couldn’t see what he wanted until he drove the point home and basically got an, “I’m not interested right now” in return. But his previous methods weren’t working this time around. He briefly wondered if he should see a therapist but he had too much pride for that, so no thanks. Plus, people broke up all the time. The only difference with this time around with Justin is that he knew deep down it was for good. So that was when he, Brian Kinney, would do what the average heartbroken person did as a lonely single thirty-something who wanted more out of life than a quick fuck. Rebound. He asked a few guys from Babylon out, but they kept asking him when they were going back to the loft to fuck and that they appreciated being taken out to a four star Italian restaurant but carbs wouldn’t do a thing for their figure. Brian knew he would have to try something else.

 

He doesn’t know how his friends did not find out about him going to a gay singles mixer. God that had been so fucking embarrassing. He felt like he morphed into Ted Schmidt as soon as he walked into the room. Then he pushed himself and cruised the ones who were good looking yet approachable. He knew he had fucked the majority of them already. He saw them look into his direction and whisper to each other. He just had to avoid the ones who did that then and that was good because it made him focus on more viable options. He tried making small talk with a few people but eventually someone would bring up something along the lines of, “So is this your first time cruising for a fuck in a place like this?” There had been one man. He even remembered his name Evan…something. He remembered his first name. But they had a good conversation. He found him to be passionate and interesting. Evan was a doctor who worked at Allegheny General. He took his job several months earlier after he finished his time with Doctors without Borders. Brian remembered being engrossed In Evan’s history and his passion for his career. He also was a good looking man. So Brian did something he hadn’t done in, well…ever: Asked someone out on a date. Without knowing how good they were in bed first. He worked up the courage and asked if Evan would like to have dinner with him that coming Friday. Evan looked uneasy and Brian had gotten this response:

 

“Brian, you are an interesting guy and seem very nice. You actually seem pretty perfect. I appreciate you asking. However, the stories I’ve heard about you since I have moved here, while impressive, aren’t what I am looking for in a partner. I am sorry. Oh, what do you know? My friend is right over there! It was nice talking to you.”

 

So after that embarrassing night, Brian Kinney became convinced that he wouldn’t find anyone. Ever. For the first time in his life he wished that he had been more discreet about his stud status. Queening out ever so slightly by figuring there was no point in trying anymore, Brian threw himself into his work like he had never before and started being a regular at Babylon again. He hadn’t gone back on drugs though and only kept weed and alcohol in the mix. He doesn’t know why he didn’t start taking them again after he kicked Justin out of his life but for some reason he didn’t want to keep them around anymore. He sent Justin to work on being the biggest success he could be and he wanted to do the same.

 

He signed more accounts within two months than he had in the past six months (and the number within those six months was admirable.) The money Kinnetik was making was absolutely incredible. He gave all of his junior ad executives and Ted a nice raise and gave Cynthia a promotion to become an ad executive as well. He knows he should have done it before, but she was his favorite (and most well-paid) assistant he ever had and he knew no one would live up to her. He himself also had a lot of money on his hands, especially with the money he saved up for an apartment and a New York branch not being spent. Ted, who didn’t even know he kept every cent of his New York savings, suggested he treat himself to a vacation since he had been working non-stop but he didn’t want time on his hands to think about a certain someone right now. Ted got the hint and suggested another car or club. He didn’t need another car or a fucking dance club right now. When had Ted become the shallow one? So, he created a $30,000 scholarship for college students in need who were not receiving any financial assistance from their parents. He also made a few traveling grants that let a deserving art student in Pennsylvania and each of its bordering states go to Europe for a summer to study their craft. But considering the money Brian had, he wanted to do something more substantial. It wasn’t until he heard about Corey Price, who lived in a small town in West Virginia about 45 minutes outside of Pittsburgh.

 

He usually didn’t feel much but a slight twinge of sadness for a gay kid who got the short end of the stick (with the exception of one certain teenager. He still feels enraged over what happened to him.) But for some reason Corey Price’s death had struck home. Not being the most conspicuous of gay teens, Corey put shame on his mother and enraged his new step-father, who was the coach of the football team. Corey must have been a brave and stupid little shit, coming out at the age of 15 to everyone. He stood up for a couple of the gay and lesbian seniors at his high school and demanded respect. Everyone in their town knew. The kid got harassed non-stop. One day he came home after studying at a friend’s house and there was Coach Burless and six of his finest players there in the garage waiting for him. He tried to run but was caught quickly. His step-father wanted to “teach him a lesson.” That lesson included over fifty kicks to his stomach and head. He died on the concrete floor due to blunt force trauma and internal bleeding.

 

The students were all under eighteen and more or less just got a slap on the wrist with small juvie and community service sentences. His step-father only got eight years in prison, eligible for parole in three, since he never actually kicked his step-son, only let it happen. Brian remembers reading about it and feeling absolutely disgusted by the story. He wished that Corey could have gotten away from his family and that life. He knew what it was like having hateful parents and they hadn’t even known he was gay until he was an adult. All of the sudden, he wanted these teens to have a place to go in case things got too rough. He wanted them to have every chance at life and to be encouraged by someone who cared about whether they lived or died. So he got to work. He planned out what he would have at this place that abused, runaway, or just lonely teens of the LGBTQ community to turn to. They would even welcome straight teenagers, because although aimed at the struggles of being gay, he knew that abusive bastard parents and extreme bullying existed in every community. He wanted this center to be huge and give opportunities that Pittsburgh may not have much of yet. He started contacting the people he needed to contact, got permissions and grants from the city, the Department of Child Welfare, the Department of Education, PIFA, Pittsburgh Institute of Technology. He contacted various college professors, retired teachers, nurses, counselors, cooks, artists and musicians interested in giving lessons, basically anyone that might be interested in committing some time once this place was up and running.

 

Of course it needed to be built. He wanted it to be beautiful and welcoming. He wanted a desirable place for people to turn their heads at. Brian knew he needed to find the best person for the job who could see the full potential of what this center could become. So he did his research and came across Eric Davisson. From what he could tell, Eric was five years younger than he was yet he had already taken home the Pritzker Prize as well as collecting a number of other awards. He was incredibly attractive, in a sweet and cute sort of way. From a few of the interviews he could find, the guy seemed open-minded and approachable, but there was no denying his talent and genius. Adding all of that up, plus the fact that he made Brian’s gaydar ping a little, he knew he had to have him for this project. So he wrote him an email with his plan and who had committed to it. They talked on the phone and negotiated, then Eric said he would come in that coming Monday to meet him at Kinnetik. Brian arranged for a car to pick him up, paid for a ticket, and paid for his sublet.

 

The first time he met Eric was memorable. And not for the old reason of “little did he know, he would be meeting the father of his child.” Sure, he supposes that was part of it, looking back. But it was when Cynthia let herself in, confused and strangely amused, then exclaimed, “Brian! My first boyfriend is here to see you. You finally get to meet the man I gave a hand job underneath the gym bleachers.” After getting a little surprised over the possibility that she might be talking about the architect he was meeting today, Brian made some quip along the lines of, “If he is your ex, then you must not have been very good. Cynthia, I’m shocked.” He followed her out into the lobby and met Eric face to face.

 

From then on they worked side by side at a constant rate. He found his confidence and knowledge in what he was doing inspiring and he just liked being around Eric in general. Within a few days, he did subtly get out of him the affirmative statement, “Yes, Brian, I am gay. Cynthia was the beginning of my relatively long string of denial.” And Brian felt relief at that. He wondered why at first, but assumed that it was due to him just having more gay friends by a large margin. He hadn’t had a real conversation or relationship with a straight man outside of business and Carl in years. Over the next couple of weeks, he started to tell Eric more and more about his friends and family, his past, even what he wanted to be when he was six years old. He even told him a little bit about breaking up with Justin for the last time when they had a little bit too much to drink one night several hours after everyone went home. In turn, he heard about Eric’s life, his asshole parents, that he would like a family one day, and that his first boyfriend cheated on him with a married woman. Brian tried not to laugh at that but it was a hard feat. He is sure it was upsetting at the time.

 

It took another week to realize that he wasn’t over Justin, but he was also feeling something significant for Eric. He found the best part of his day to be when they were working and talking together. He felt butterflies when they went out to eat after hours of planning and getting together a construction team. He knew it was two colleagues, maybe friends, that were just taking a break together, but he found himself wanting it to be more than that since Eric was starting to sneak into the last thoughts he had before he fell asleep each night when usually he only thought of Justin. He didn’t know how to go about it though. He didn’t know if Eric was the type of man who would only want to fuck around for a while since his career made him sort of a drifter or if he wanted monogamy or if he was interested in someone else in another city. He felt like he needed to know more because all he knew was that Eric didn’t have a partner in his life at the moment.

 

They had been working late again. They actually had a slight argument earlier that night about how utterly controlling and picky Brian was and that he was a total perfectionist. It might have been Brian’s imagination, but Eric looked almost fond when he spoke of those qualities. He ended up apologizing for putting stress on Eric’s design and Eric looked pensive, then looked at him.

 

“Brian, what you were doing wasn’t a bad thing. I got defensive and I was tired. I know why you are wanting to spend extra time on the design.”

 

“Because I am controlling, picky, and a total perfectionist?”

 

“Yeah, sort of. But it is more than that. You want this to work, and not for yourself. You want to give these kids a chance to prosper, to meet other kids and adults like themselves, and to know that people care about them, in a way that our parents didn’t care for us. You want them to open up their eyes in wonder every time they walk in and hope they will know that they can be someone beautiful. That they can be big fucking successes AND be gay, yet there will still be people who love them for it unconditionally. So yeah, you are going to be controlling, picky, and a total perfectionist. But you are more than that. You told me once that you were considered the heartless stud of Pittsburgh. I have even heard it in passing on my maybe two nights out since coming here. But I have yet to see that side of you. I met a man who cares about his city, despite it being Pittsburgh. A man who loves his son and gets a huge grin on his face when he talks to him on the phone or talks about him. A man who is putting a lot of money, time, and effort into something that he hopes gives some people a little bit of happiness. The man I met is a man whom I consider to be one of the most honest, giving, and passionate men I have ever met.”

 

Brian remembered feeling a little overwhelmed because he felt like someone had finally listened to him and hadn’t immediately assumed the worst. Someone who wasn’t using the word “asshole” or “prick” or “heartless bastard” to describe him. Before he knew it, he found himself doing something that he hadn’t done with anyone besides Justin in years. He was kissing Eric, with every bit of tenderness and passion he was feeling and Eric was kissing him right back with just as much fervor. Before he knew it, they were taking off each other’s clothes. Brian ended up having what was the closest he had come to making love since he had been with Justin. He found himself smiling at Eric as they lay there on the floor afterwards. Then, he gathered the courage to ask the one thing he thought about asking for about a week now.

 

“So…you want to go out to dinner and a movie on Friday? I am a proper gentleman and I want to take this slow.”

 

He remembers Eric laughing and looking at him, his eyes bright with amusement.

 

“Only if you fuck me into the floor again. And pay.”

 

They didn’t move all that slowly. They were having sleepovers a few times a week and spending at least five evenings a week together working and taking very productive breaks after most of the employees of Kinnetik went home for the night. Sometimes Eric would come by during office hours as well. So after a few weeks, he knew he probably should tell at least a couple of people who regularly saw him and Eric together that they were seeing each other. He let Cynthia know first. He didn’t want her to walk into his office with her high school boyfriend bent over his desk without any kind of warning. So he sat her down.

 

“Cynthia, I have something to tell you.”

 

“Yeah, Brian?”

 

“I-…I don’t exactly know how to say this.”

 

“Are you fucking Eric?”

 

“…Yes, but-“

 

“But it is more than that. It isn’t that shocking. You have been spending most of your time together and ignoring your friends’ calls most of the time as well. I’ve seen how you have been looking at him. It reminds me of-never mind. I am happy for both of you. And surprised you waited almost a month before doing anything with him. That is like eight months in gay time. Gay male time that is. I’m not close with any lesbians, so I wouldn’t know about them. I should broaden my horizons.”

 

She gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked back to her desk, with the sassy clack of her heels sounding against the floor.

 

Besides Cynthia, Ted was the only other person he told that day. Ted didn’t have psychic premonitions over his love life like Cynthia revealed she had, so he was forced to talk about his feelings.

 

“Brian? You wanted to see me?”

 

“Sit down, Theodore.”

 

…

 

“I’m sitting, Brian.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Brian, is everything alright?”

 

“Yes. Things are fine.”

 

“Okay. I am just concerned. Ever since-never mind-you have worked yourself so hard and I know Michael is your best friend but I feel like we have become very close since working together. You are one of my dearest friends and I just want you to be happy.”

 

“Theodore, I am the one who brought you in to talk.”

 

“Right. Sorry.”

 

“…You are one of my closest friends too.”

 

“Well, I appreciate that a lot, even though it looks like you are going to burst a vessel.”

 

“Ted! Are you listening?”

 

“I’m listening.”

 

“Good. Because you are the only one I am telling about this, besides Cynthia. And I am only saying it once. If you tell anyone at all before I am ready for it to be known, I will rip out your intestines and shove you off a balcony.”

 

“Oooh, this must be juicy.”

 

“Theodore, please give me your word. I am only telling you because it might slip in the office since he will be here a lot anyway.”

 

“He? Brian-“

 

“Eric and I have been seeing each other. I…feel something for him.”

 

…

 

“Why do you look so shocked?”

 

“What about Justin?”

 

“What do you mean, what about Justin?”

 

“I thought you might, I don’t know, patch things up.”

 

“We weren’t eye to eye on a lot of things.”

 

“I haven’t really talked to him at all since he left. I know he wanted monogamy and marriage before and you were never-“

 

“You’re wrong. It turned out he was the one that didn’t want to take that step, Ted.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“But he said yes to marrying you before and if he knew you still-“

 

“Ted! I don’t want to talk about him.”

 

“I’m sorry, Brian.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

….

 

“Eric is a great guy. I can tell you both really like each other.”

 

“Yeah. I like him a lot.”

 

“Hey, that’s good! I’m happy for you. I promise I won’t say anything, Brian. And if any of the gang gives you any shit, I’ll side with you, so don’t worry about that.”

 

“…Thanks, Theodore.”

 

It took him a total of three months of being with Eric to introduce him to his makeshift family. Eric had signed a year lease on an apartment about six weeks before. He was extending his stay in Pittsburgh to see the completion of the center and, Brian would like to think, because they had started something. The gang, surprisingly, didn’t find out about his relationship until he told them at dinner while Mel and Lindsay were in to visit with the kids. He introduced him professionally as “the great architect he enlisted to help him with The Gay and Lesbian Youth Center” during dinner and didn’t introduce Eric as his boyfriend until Gus went into the other room to play with JR. Gus was still missing Justin and he didn’t want to upset him by being with someone else. He remembers the silence at the table and all their faces filled with blank shock when he had exaggeratedly cleared his throat and announced,

 

“If I can have everyone’s attention, please. While it is true that Eric and I have been working together on the center and overseeing the construction of it together, we have also been seeing each other for about three months now. Before you all get outraged that I kept my personal business personal, I wanted to wait until I felt a little more secure about it. So…I would like everyone to meet Eric….my boyfriend.”

 

When no one said a word and Brian saw Ted mouthing and gesturing some shit that was probably supposed to be comforting, Emmett started to clap and squeal then grabbed Eric’s hand.

 

“Oh, Eric! It is so nice to meet you! Your hands feel so nice, what kind of lotion do you use? Sweetie, you just know that any lover of Brian’s is a-Brian stop looking at me like that, I am just trying to be friendly!”

 

Then the exclamations and remarks came.

 

“Why would you try to keep him hidden away, you little asshole? Look at him! He’s gorgeous!”

 

“Brian, why wouldn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend! Ted, why don’t you look surprised by this news? What do you mean you have known about it for almost two months?”

 

“Michael, calm down. I am absolutely sure Brian had very logical reasons for keeping this to mostly to himself for a while. Eric, sometime we should discuss how architecture has changed over the course of the centuries and how modern buildings reflect the visions of our ancestors from long ago. What do you think about the architectural designs in Tibet?”

 

“Good luck with Kinney, Eric. He is definitely a piece of work to say the least.”

 

“Why, Brian! This is quite a piece of news to throw on all of us! And so soon after Justin.”

 

This went on and on until Brian finally cleared his throat and glared at all of them. They all reverted back into their silence.

 

“Would you all please just shut up?”

 

He turned his head to Eric, gave a small smile, and held his hand. He turned back at his family.

 

“I know you are all surprised. I get that you don’t see me as the type of man who is meant to be tied down to someone or even the type of man who someone would even think about being with long-term.”

 

“Brian, we never meant-“

 

“Come on, Brian, you know-“

 

“We are just surprised, Bri-“

 

Brian holds up his hand to silence them again.

 

“You all know I wasn’t at my happiest for a while. I know you were concerned, and I appreciate that. So you should also know that Eric here has made my life a lot easier since then. He makes me happy too.

 

Everyone at the table was staring at him in shock, yet again. Finally, they gave him their approval.

 

“Oh honey, you know I would never disapprove of your new cute beau!”

 

“Brian, I am so glad you are happy, you little shit.”

 

“I was just surprised about it, Brian. I have just been worried about you for a while. I want you to be happy. You are my best friend.”

 

“We would love to have you both over, Brian.”

 

“Good for you, Kinney.”

 

“Brian, don’t get me wrong, I am happy if you are, but you are sort of a bit,” Lindsay let out a huff of laughter, “wild, don’t you think? You have always been the type to refuse to be saddled and ridden.”

 

Eric looked at Lindsey and tilted his head.

 

“Who says I’m saddling him? We aren’t into pony play.”

 

Brian looked at him with a big grin on his face and made the decision to knock all of their socks off.

 

“And he does not only ride me. We take turns.”

 

He stood Eric up and kissed him (he added some extra tongue for effect) and then turned to his friends, who all were failing to pick their jaws up off the floor.

 

“Well everyone, we must be off. Got to get JR a birthday present for Sunday and Lindsey, I want to take Gus out tomorrow. Explain things and make sure he is okay with Eric. Later.”

 

Despite his feelings for Eric only getting stronger as time passed, it was hard for the first year or so. By the time their one year anniversary came along, the center was completed and Brian got all weird and distant when he thought Eric might want to leave. But then Eric sat him down and said that he wanted to move his office here. He fell in love with Pittsburgh and fell in love with Brian. The commitment and consideration put into the move relieved, flattered, and scared Brian. It was new for him that someone was willing pack up their lives to be with him, of all people. He felt conflicted about it all. Also, being with someone other than Justin sometimes got to him when the blonde popped up in his head during his dreams or when he saw a painting that looked similar to his style. He sometimes would backtrack and get weird about being just with one man.

 

Despite wanting to try monogamy, he found it a bit hard in that first year as well. Once in a while, they got with another couple or brought a trick home together, but he knew Eric, who enjoyed it enough, wasn’t as into it as he was. Whenever he got into one of his dark moods or something bad happened, he always felt tempted. He remembered how much that had fucking scared him because he never wanted to make a promise he didn’t end up keeping. When he and Eric had been together for about a year, he did actually slip up. His mother ended up in the hospital due to a heart attack, they didn’t know if she was going to make it at the time, and his family felt comfortable asking him for money but also felt comfortable with fighting him for a house he didn’t want nor was up for grabs yet and insulted him due to who he was at the same time. It wasn’t anything they hadn’t said before. But he had kept himself separated from his family ever since his bout with cancer and he forgot how much they could fuck with head.

 

So one night, he got extremely drunk and brought some nameless trick back home from Babylon. He was so out of it that he passed out and the guy stayed over. He would have confessed to Eric anyway, but he had walked up to the loft and found the guy pulling his pants on. It would have been better if Eric would have screamed at him or even took a swing at him. He remembers how he felt when he found out about the fiddler and he knows that if Eric feels anything close to what he felt for Justin then he probably feels gutted. Instead, he stands there looking at the ground as the trick leaves. Neither of them had said a word. Finally, Brian had finally broke the silence.

 

“Eric, I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

“Why did you do it, Brian? I-I thought things were good. Did I…did I do something?” Eric’s voice broke while a tear fell down his face that he quickly wiped away to hide the evidence. He cleared his throat, “I just don’t get what happened.”

 

“I don’t know what happened. I fucked up.”

 

“No, you fucked another guy, Brian!”

 

“I know that and I said I’m sorry.”

 

Eric took deep breaths to gain control, then spoke.

 

“Brian, I have been cheated on before. Usually I would just leave them or we would just decide to be fuck buddies instead. But I never cared for any man the way I care about you. Yet again, that makes this hurt ten times more than any of their slip ups. But I want to try to work this out with you.”

 

“You can’t. I’m so fucked up.”

 

Eric came over and put his hand on his arm.

 

“Come here. Sit down with me. What’s going on?”

 

“Why the fuck are you being so understanding?”

 

“Because I love you. So much. You seem upset and I think you may have done this because something happened?”

 

Brian took a deep breath in and then out. “I don’t talk about this shit.”

 

“Just try.”

 

Eric pulled him in and Brian put his head on his shoulder as they sat there together.

 

“My mother had a heart attack. She needs bypass surgery but they think her heart is too weak.”

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

“I haven’t seen her since I had cancer. That was when she told me that God gave me cancer because I’m a fag.”

 

“What a bitch.”

 

Brian snorted, “Yeah that’s my mom. They just said some things that implied that I was the scum of the earth. They wanted money for the surgery. I wrote her a check but then Claire started getting on me about Mom not wanting a fag living in her house if she dies and that I better not fight her on it. As if I would want to live there. My mom saw that I was there and I tried to be nice to her, so I just told her hello and she said to me, ‘Unless you have stopped turning your back on God, I want you out of my sight. I don’t need the added grief.’ So I left the hospital, went to Babylon, drank and took some E, then took that guy home. There was no talking or kissing or even exchanging names. Just fucking. And I’m sorry. I am so sorry if I hurt you. I hurt people that I love, that’s what I do.”

 

Brian was so distressed at this point that he didn’t realize what he had said in his last sentence.

 

“I thought you were all about no apologies, no regrets.”

 

“Well, I am changing my mind due to my previous actions.”

 

“That’s something.”

 

They sat there in silence for another minute before Eric spoke again.

 

“Is that what you want? An open relationship? Are you wanting to hook up with other couples more or bring tricks home or have more threesomes? I just need to know, Brian. I can try to do that if that is something you feel that you want instead.”

 

“I don’t know. I want something more than tricks. Eventually I want…”

 

“What Justin wasn’t able to give you yet?”

 

Brian shrugged.

 

“You know I want something like that as well, Brian. That’s why I moved here, to try to be with you.”

 

“I know. But I don’t want you to-“

 

“Brian, shut up. I’m not regretting anything. I had only been in Boston finishing up a job when you contacted me. Yeah, a lot of tech companies are wanting their headquarters built in Palo Alto so I was technically living out there, but my colleagues I worked with are still out there and I put my name on enough places for people to reach out if they really wanted to. You did and I had never even built anything in Pennsylvania.”

 

Brian didn’t know what else to say to that so he sat there in Eric’s arms and waited for him to speak again.

 

“I just want to know if you are willing to work this out too. Don’t you know how much I care for you?”

 

Brian nodded, let out a shuddery sigh, and said, “I just need to work on some things. On me.”

 

“Okay, what do you want to do?”

 

‘Want to do’ wasn’t exactly the right phrase. He didn’t want to do it at all.

 

“I think I should, I don’t know…see someone. Like a therapist.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“I saw a therapist a year or so after I graduated college. I told you it took me a while to admit I was gay. It actually really helped me open up more. Don’t feel embarrassed about it, Brian.”

 

It was at that point that Brian swallowed his pride and worked out his issues. Not only his issues with entering a monogamous relationship so quickly but also his issues he had after Justin. He went to see his therapist once and sometimes even twice a week for about eight months. Eric was very supportive throughout the whole thing and went to almost half the sessions so he could understand where Brian was coming from. Surprisingly, it had helped a lot. He came up with better coping mechanisms when he was distressed. He learned to be more open and assertive with what he was feeling to Eric and his friends. He learned to be more adamant when it came to dealing with Lindsey and Melanie. He wanted to see his son more and he wanted his son to know his partner better.

 

He also learned that he would always love Justin. That what they had shared was special and intense. But he didn’t have to let the fact that the relationship fell apart keep him from not moving forward and forming just as a meaningful relationship with someone else. He thought about contacting Justin a few times, to see how he was doing or at least get some closure. But he didn’t want to tempt himself with anything if Justin wanted to meet again. He didn’t want to get upset if he found out that Justin had found someone else because that would be downright hypocritical of him. He realizes that he may have acted too harshly when it came to how he treated Justin when he kicked him out. He feels badly about it now. He knows that Justin is young and wanted to experience life a little more. Maybe if he ran into him by chance in Pittsburgh he could get some closure. He just couldn’t initiate it.

 

Time passed and Brian realized that he and Eric had been together for two years. Things were going really well. Brian had signed a lot of companies in Chicago so they were thinking about expanding there in about a year or so. Eric got work everywhere but made sure to come home on the weekends when he did get work farther away, work from home when possible, and made sure not to get quite as involved as he did with the preparations of the center. His friends had come to accept that Brian had changed and, while he would never be a stepford husband, he was only sleeping with one man now. Justin was never completely out of his mind. Deep down he knew his love for that kid would never come close to fading, but he learned to love two people with the same amount of intensity. It might have been harder if Justin was around, but he hadn’t seen or spoken with him for almost three years. He didn’t like to focus on that time gap. It got him depressed. So he focused on Eric, his son, his friends, and on Kinnetik and the center (which was doing quite well and getting a lot of kids on the right track.)

 

Brian was the one who actually brought up having kids. He had become neutral to the idea of raising a child. Brian had Gus, and he was enough. But Eric didn’t have any biological children. He didn’t want Eric holding back any kind of urge to want to care for a child. So he asked Eric what he thought about it over dinner.

 

“Eric?”

 

“Yes, Brian?”

 

“I just wanted you to know that if there is something you want, all you have to do is tell me.”

 

“What else would I want? I am actually very happy right now.”

 

“I know, but if you felt something was, I don’t know, missing from what you have.”

 

“Just say it, Brian.”

 

“Fine. Are you wanting kids?”

 

There was silence. Then Eric cleared his throat.

 

“Would that be something you would be interested in?”

 

“It isn’t something I wouldn’t be interested in.”

 

“If I had children, I would want to raise them. Their mother could be an active part of their lives, sure, but I would want custody with my partner, not the birth mother. I would want my partner to be the child’s father as well. Is that something that you wouldn’t interested in?”

 

Brian hesitated but then looked back at all the conflicting feelings he had over his situation with Gus’s mothers. Despite butting heads with Melanie pretty regularly, he actually had a lot of respect for the woman. He knew she loved her son with her whole heart and he knew Gus was happy. But a part of him wishes he would have fought harder to at least have him on a more regular basis when he was younger because he had yearned to be more of an influence in his life.

 

“I am still interested.”

 

Eric gave him a big smile and they started talking about their options. Soon, he became excited at the prospect. Eric suggested they ask Cynthia to mother the child. Brian was dubious. Not because he didn’t want her to mother a child he raised, why wouldn’t he? She was pretty, driven, smart, and successful. But she never seemed like the type to procreate. It didn’t hurt to ask though so they worked out how to present their idea to her. It must have worked because, while she didn’t agree to carry the kid (“I will bloat like a whale and be put on bed rest, Brian!” but Brian also thought she refused to carry it to keep from getting too attached) she agreed to let them use one of her eggs. She insisted to be called Aunt Cynthia and that, as long as she saw that baby on holidays and got to visit them whenever she called in advance, she would be happy to be a part of this. They went through an agency to find a surrogate. It was there they found Holly. She was a 27 year old divorced mother of two kids and was taking classes online to make something more of herself. She had told the agency that she would prefer a gay couple since she knew there was still prejudice about the gay community and kids.

 

The months started to go by. All of their friends had been shocked by Brian Kinney, yet again, but they were incredibly happy for the couple. When Brian and Eric had gotten a bigger place together, the gang helped out with the nursery and brought them clothes, toys, and other supplies. Both Eric and Brian were active when it came to going to Holly’s appointments. Even Cynthia went to a few. They visited her on a regular basis to bring her food, offer to watch her kids, and just to see how she was doing. Around the fifth month of Holly’s pregnancy, they found out they were having a girl. Brian remembers how nervous he was. He didn’t know how to deal with girls. He had already been nervous about raising a child that wasn’t biologically his. He remembered the instant connection he had felt with Gus when he was born and Brian was afraid he wouldn’t feel the same with their daughter. Eric seemed to sense his fears and told him that he knew what a big heart Brian had, despite him not showing it all of the time. Even on the chance he didn’t feel an instant connection, his love for her would grow as he spent more time with her. That helped a little, but Brian was still nervous.

 

The day came when he got the call from Holly saying she was going into labor. Brian called Debbie and asked her to head over to Holly’s to watch her kids as he and Eric drove over to pick her up. Brian and Eric both led Holly to their car and got to the hospital in record time. Eleven hours later, Lily Piper Davisson-Kinney was born. Brian had told Eric that Lily didn’t need his last name because Davisson-Kinney was a total mouthful. But Eric had insisted because she was his daughter too. He watched Eric hold Lily, looking down at her with so much love and devotion in his eyes. He looked up at Brian, his eyes twinkling with pride and pure happiness, and asked,

 

“Brian, do you want to hold your daughter now?”

 

Brian felt hesitant but held his arms out to take the newborn. He prepared himself to not feel as much as Eric did. That he would look down and just see a baby whom he had no real connection to. He didn’t prepare to look down and fall in love with this little and beautiful baby girl with a hint of Eric’s black curls in his arms. He didn’t expect to not be able to stop smiling. He didn’t expect to cry tears of joy and to feel like someone so precious had been placed in his life. When he looked at Eric and gave him a watery grin and a warm and loving kiss, he also hadn’t expected that he would wonder a little what it would be like if it were Justin in Eric’s place instead.

“You gonna stay here tonight?”

 

Justin gratefully took his eyes off the movie. They were watching a disturbing French film about a woman who starts eating her own flesh because she gets a cut on her leg at a party. He didn’t know why a relatively minor flesh wound would cause you to practice autosarcophagy, but to each their own. It wasn’t really his kind of movie and by looking at Nathan’s nauseated and freaked out expression, he didn’t think it was his either. Sometimes random Netflix picks didn’t work in their favor. Justin sighed and looked at the clock. It was about a quarter after ten. He hadn’t really planned on staying over. He had a painting he needed to work on plus he felt like he needed to be alone. He thought going into the gallery and going to Nathan’s might help him get his mind off today but it hadn’t. Every time he let his mind wander, Brian was there. Nathan had known something was up. Usually he didn’t push Justin too much to keep him company, but he kept being overly affectionate and let him know they could do whatever Justin wanted that night. He asked Justin if he wanted to go out for drinks or something, but Justin hadn’t been in the mood to go out. That was why Nathan had said, “Let’s watch a movie. Come on, it can be something we have never seen before. We will pick the first thing Netflix Roulette gives us. It’ll be fun!”

 

So Netflix Roulette, in its infinite wisdom, had given them a movie that made Justin’s mind want go elsewhere and made Nathan squirm and go, “OH MY GOD, WHY?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO YOURSELF?! STOP IT! STOP IT!!” If Justin didn’t have his mind filled with other things, he would actually find it kind of funny. It was sort of ironic that Nathan could act all bad boy in his leather jacket and have a devil may care façade on stage but would let out high pitched whimpers when he watched someone cut their own skin off and eat it. Justin is sure that some rock stars have done worse.

 

“Justin? Are you staying here or not?” Nathan asked, who was now sitting up straight and wringing his hands.

 

“If you are really that freaked out, then fine.”

 

Nathan let out a breath in relief and let his body fall back into the couch.

 

“Oh good. I’m glad you are staying.” He sighed, then put his face into Justin’s shoulder and whined as the main character got some skin stuck in her teeth.

 

“Nathan, why don’t you just turn it off?”

 

“What do you mean? It’s movie night. Why would we not finish the movie on movie night?”

 

“Because you are freaked to all hell. Come on, turn it off.”

 

Nathan sighed, got the Roku remote off the coffee table, and pressed stop.

 

“I just want to spend time with you.”

 

“You can have that without forcing yourself to watch a woman eat herself alive.”

 

“Really?” Nathan looked at him with exaggeratedly wide and innocent eyes and Justin had to snort a little at that.

 

“Just this once.”

 

“Well, I should take this one opportunity to do something really special then…watch Going Down in La-La Land.”

 

“We have watched it four times already. It isn’t even all that good.”

 

“He’s so cute, Justin. You know how cute he is. He is almost as cute as you.”

 

“He’s okay, I guess.”

 

Nathan found the movie and put it on. When they were about fifteen minutes into it, Justin felt lips kissing the side of his neck and a hand traveling down to his denim-covered crotch. Justin sighed. His cock was starting to react, but he didn’t really want to fuck right now.

 

“Nathan…”

 

“I know you have something on your mind and you won’t tell me. I suppose I accept that. Just let me make you feel good, baby. Let me make you cum. Just close your eyes and relax.”
Justin was growing harder so he closed his eyes and nodded. Nathan began to kiss his jaw and neck again and unzipped Justin’s pants. He pulled his pants and underwear down below his waist and started to stoke Justin’s cock.

 

Justin tried to let his mind go blank as the pleasure started to build up. His attempts were hopeless. Brian’s face was still in his mind, looming over him as Nathan whispered words Justin couldn’t quite focus on and started to jerk Justin in quicker motions.

 

“Now relax. I want you to always remember this, so that no matter who you're ever with, I'll always be there.”

 

Justin gasped and came all over Nathan’s hand. As Justin caught his breath, he slowly opened his eyes. He felt a little guilty and looked over to Nathan to see if he sensed anything was off or if he might have, god forbid, moaned out someone else’s name. But Nathan looked at him with a grin on his face and brought Justin in for a kiss.

 

“You feel better?” Nathan asked him as he got a tissue to wipe off his hand.

 

“Yeah. Thanks.”

 

“No problem.”

 

Justin started to feel tired and drifted off for a little bit. Before he knew it, Nathan helped him up with a, “Come on. Let’s get you to bed” and walked him to the bathroom so he could brush his teeth. Justin sat down on the bed, then took off his jeans and shirt and got under the covers. He felt the bed dip beside him and felt an arm wrap around him.

 

“Goodnight, Justin.”

 

“Night, Nathan.”

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Stop! Leave me alone! Get off of me!”

 

Justin woke up with a start and saw the red numbers on the alarm clock telling him it was 5:22 AM. He felt Nathan struggling against the blankets and heard him crying out in his sleep.

 

“Nathan. Nathan! Wake up. Come on, baby, it’s just a dream.”

 

Nathan struggled against Justin and wailed. Justin stroked his back and got the top half of Nathan’s body onto his lap so he could stroke his hair. Nathan’s shouts turned into cries which eventually turned into whimpers. Then he heard him groan, “Justin…”

 

“It’s okay. You’re okay. You are past that now. No one is going to hurt you again, I promise, alright?”

 

Justin sat on the bed with his back against the headboard. He felt Nathan’s tears drip onto his leg as he ran his fingers through his hair. Eventually, he felt Nathan fall back to sleep.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Around 9 am, Justin woke up with a stiff neck and Nathan was still sound asleep. Slowly, he shifted Nathan off of him and put his clothes back on. He needed to get back to the apartment but he wasn’t going to go until Nathan woke up. Justin sighed. Nathan’s nightmares had become less and less frequent, at least on nights they slept together. Usually just once every couple of months. He had met Nathan years after what caused them had occurred. It broke his heart when he had to witness them but it broke his heart even more when Nathan withdrew and became guarded for as long as a couple of weeks when a nightmare or flashback happened on a night he wasn’t there. He knew Nathan didn’t blame him for not being there when things like this happened or anything. Nathan would just go into a bout of depression and not deal with it the right way.

 

He decided to make him breakfast in bed. Justin was feeling bad about having other things on his mind yesterday. Nathan hadn’t deserved for Justin to only be half there. Luckily, Justin had insisted Nathan buy actual food to work with so he made the two of them omelets with bacon, peppers, mushrooms, and cheese with some toast and orange juice on the side. He got a tray from underneath the sink and carried it to the bedroom. He put it down on top of the dresser and walked over to the bed. He crawled across it and stroked Nathan’s face to gently wake him up.

 

“Hmmm?” Nathan grumbled as he frowned and stretched.

 

“It’s 9:30.”

 

Nathan shrugged and turned back over, then mumbled, “Early enough to sleep another hour.”

 

“Come on, Nathan. I made you breakfast. Besides, I need to go back to the apartment soon to work on my painting. Eat with me.”

 

Nathan let out a long breath.

 

“Sorry, I just feel like I didn’t sleep very well last night.”

 

“I know. But maybe eating something might make you feel better. You can take a nap in a bit if you are still tired.”

 

Nathan slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked at him with a small and tired smile as Justin brought over the large tray. He let Nathan hold it as he went back around the bed to sit on top of the covers.

 

While he and Nathan ate, they just talked about any random things that passed through their heads. He didn’t think that Nathan remembered waking up last night so he didn’t say anything about it. Nathan usually avoided the topic anyway.

 

“So what day are you going up to Connecticut to see your mom for Christmas?”

 

For the past few years, Molly would get a ride from Morgantown to the Pittsburgh Airport and would stay in New York for a couple of days. They usually took a train up to Connecticut two days before Christmas to see his mother and Tucker for the holidays. She usually had gotten a month off while she was in college and she still got a nice sized break since she was teaching Science at an elementary school (which made Tucker swell his chest up with pride since she had been inspired to teach by him.) Last year, he had invited Nathan to come up with them, but he had refused. Nathan’s parents had been dead for years and his memories of the holidays were not happy ones. He had gotten Justin a nice set of oil paints and a couple of canvases plus had written him and recorded a song. But he was not about actually celebrating Christmas at all.

 

“Actually, Molly, my mom, and Tucker are coming here this year. Molly is staying with me and Mom and Tucker are staying at Hotel Pennsylvania by Penn Station. We are going out to Hoboken later in the afternoon on Christmas day to eat dinner at Emmett’s and Drew’s.

 

“Oh. That’ll be fun.”

 

“Why don’t you come, Nathan? Come on, it isn’t that far out of the way. Emmett is a fantastic cook. He likes you and wants you there too.”

 

“But New Jersey is really far.”

 

“You KNOW it is a five minute train ride from Christopher St. I swear, you natives are so weird about Jersey.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m in Williamsburg, so I have to make two transfers just to get to Christopher St.”

 

Justin just stared at Nathan with an eyebrow raised. Nathan stared back at him, looked away, then started tapping the breakfast tray. Finally, he let out a sigh.

 

“Can you give me a day or so to think about it? I know I’m weird when it comes to things like this but I just don’t know how to-“

 

“Nathan, I understand. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Give yourself a day. But I think you should know that you will probably have a good time.”

 

Nathan nodded. “I will probably go. If you think Emmett has enough space.”

 

“Nathan, it is a 3 million dollar townhouse. It has six bedrooms, a big kitchen, and a giant dining room with a table that can extend to fit probably almost 20 people. It’s almost disgusting how well off they both are. I think he has enough space to have you over for dinner. He told me to invite you.”

 

“Alright. I will let you know by tonight.”

 

“Yeah, just call me. I need to get back to my apartment,” Justin told him then hesitated, “Are you going to be okay?”

 

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you later.”

 

“Okay. Call me if you need to talk to someone.”

 

“I’ll be fine.”

 

Justin kissed him on the forehead and said he would see him later. He put the dishes in the sink before he left, walked out the door into the hallway, went down the stairs, and was in the cold air again. He began to walk back to Bedford so he could take the L and transfer to the N at 14th Street to take him back to his apartment.

 

The train ride went relatively quickly and he walked to Mercer Street and went up to his loft. As he let himself in, his phone started ringing. Thinking it might be Nathan possibly remembering more of his nightmare, he got his phone out quickly. He looked at the Caller ID and saw it was Emmett.

 

“Hey, Em.”

 

“Hey, sweetie! How are you doing?”

 

“I’m doing okay. Just getting inside now, stayed the night at Nathan’s. How is everything with you?”

 

“Oh, so-so. Drewsie is all upset over the playoffs and I keep telling him that it isn’t his problem anymore but he gets all offended and says it will never not be his problem blah blah brotherhood blah! But you know, the injury got to him and since this is his first year not playing he is a little touchy about the whole thing. Luckily, the last several months we have been busy with a certain project that is starting to come to fruition, so he is excited about that.”

 

“You still won’t tell me what you and Drew have been planning.”

 

“Well, we wanted to be sure and make sure things are on the right track. Now that they are, we are going to announce it at Christmas Dinner. So you don’t have to wait too terribly long.”

 

“I am excited to find out.”

 

“So you are coming right? You and your family for sure?”

 

“Yeah, Em. Wouldn’t miss it. Actually, I really think Nathan is going to come this year too. I told you how he gets during the holidays but I told him you had invited him and convinced him that it would be good for him.”

 

“Oh, that’s…great!”

 

“You hesitated.”

 

“Oh honey, you know I want him to come. I want him to have a good time and I want him to get to know me and Drew better. I like him fine. It’s just-“

 

“Does this have something to do with Brian and Eric moving to New York?”

 

“Oh! You…you know about that?”

 

“Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me?”

 

“Now, before you get too pissy, I was under the impression that they weren’t going to come until after the 31st at the absolute earliest but I guess they got a sublet at the beginning of December and moved in a few days ago. I thought I had some time to break the news and you haven’t seen each other for so long, I didn’t see why I would need to tell you immediately.”

 

“Emmett, I saw him yesterday. I had lunch with him. And Eric and Lily.”

 

“You what?!”

 

“I ran into him on the street. Lily asked if I was coming to meet Eric for lunch too and Brian asked if I was hungry and I was curious so I went. That is how I found out.”

 

“What are the odds? Well, now that you know, I should probably tell you that I invited them for dinner. They usually go up to Toronto but they just moved here so Mel, Lindsay, and the kids are coming to them and staying in a hotel and since JR is coming, Michael and Ben are coming, Hunter is flying in from Los Angeles to be here too, and then Cynthia is coming in too, and-

 

“Cynthia?” Justin questioned.

 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t she? She’s technically Lily’s mother.” Emmett said offhandedly.

 

“Oh. That’s news to me, but go on.”

 

“Well anyway, it felt rude to not invite all of them when we have the space and we have all been friends for years. The more the merrier! So I suggested to them all that they come here for Christmas a couple of weeks ago. So it will be you, Nathan, Drew’s grandparents, Drewsie himself, me, your mother, your sister, and Tucker, like originally planned. We are just throwing in eleven other people, including your ex! It really isn’t that big of a deal! And since you already had lunch with Brian and won’t be so shocked that he lives in the area now and Nathan knows by now as well, you can both be better prepared to see him. Right? Justin? Are you still there?”

 

“Yeah. I may not have mentioned running into Brian to Nathan yesterday.” Justin confessed.

 

“Oh, honey…honey, that’s not good. You need to let him know.”

 

“I know that now! It just didn’t seem to be a big deal at the time, at least not a big deal to tell him right away, and it didn’t even occur to me that I would see them again so soon until you called! Maybe I can tell him that they will be there but not mention anything about lunch yesterday.”

 

“And nicely ask Brian, Eric, and Lily to go along with it? Brian and Eric would maybe keep their mouths shut but you can NOT ask a three year old to pretend like she doesn’t know you.”

 

“Shit. You’re right.”

 

“And don’t you THINK about backing out, Taylor! I have already bought enough food to feed twenty people and then some. Do not take a quarter of my attending guests away now.”

 

“I will call him in a bit. It’ll be fine. I will just grovel a lot.”

 

“You better. Now, the real reason that I called is that I needed to ask you about how many guests are approximately going to be in attendance at your party so I know how many hors d'oeuvres to make.”

 

“Probably anywhere from sixty-seventy people. I will pay you extra to cover for more than that though, to stay on the safe side.

 

“Oh sweetie, please. You are a close friend. Don’t worry about it. It’ll be exciting to have an artsy New Year’s Eve party. Giving all those struggling artists some extra cash to ring in the New Year. I think it's wonderful.”

 

“We are all excited about it. Sorry to cut you short, but I better get off the phone. I need to work on this painting and do a few errands as well.”

 

“And call Nathan. Today, Justin.”

 

“I know. I will.”

 

“Alright, all I can really say is good luck!”

 

“Thanks, Em. Talk to you later.”

 

Justin hung up the phone and looked at his screen. He should probably call him now. But maybe it would be better to wait. He had a rough night so he might have fallen back asleep. But then again, it is better that he know before he calls to tell Justin if he is definitely coming or not. If he doesn’t then it might be fine, but if he does and Justin only brings it up then…

 

“Just fucking call him now, you coward.” Justin mumbled to himself as he pressed Nathan’s name and put the phone up to his ear.

 

The phone rang three times. Nathan picked up and sounded alert.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey, it’s me.”

 

“Hey. You miss me already? I bet you just barely got home.”

 

“Yep, that’s it.”

 

“Well, I miss you too.”

 

“Also I just wanted to call and see if you had thought more about Christmas dinner.”

 

“I don’t know, Justin. I might feel weird. I’ve only met your mom twice and I’m a lot younger than Emmett and Drew. I guess I could talk to your sister and stuff but I don’t really know any of them.”

 

“Yeah. I understand. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

 

“That’s good. But why are you all cool with me not coming now when you were really wanting me to this morning?” Nathan asked, sounding a little suspicious.

 

“I do want you to come!” Okay, Justin knew he sounded too defensive there.

 

“Seriously, what is up with you?”

 

Just fucking tell him.

 

Justin took a deep breath and began to speak.

 

“There are going to be a few more people there than I originally thought.”

 

“Like whom?”

 

“Well, Drew’s grandparents, I guess.”

 

“Makes sense if they’re his grandparents.”

 

“Right. And some friends from Pittsburgh. Lindsay and Melanie. You met Lindsay once when she came in for my show, remember? Michael and Ben. Michael is the one I drew Rage with. All of the kids. Gus, JR, well Hunter really isn’t a kid anymore.”

 

“Gus, Gus…That is Lindsay’s son, right? The one she had with Brian?”

 

“Yeah. And speaking of Brian…”

 

There is a pause where neither of them speak. Nathan breaks the silence and says,

 

“So Brian’s coming?”

 

“Yes. With his partner and daughter.”

 

“Hmmm. All these people are flying out from Chicago and Toronto to have dinner in Hoboken?”

 

“Not from Chicago.”

 

“That’s where you told me Brian lived.”

 

“Kinnetik has been doing really well lately and apparently he bought a floor in a building on Madison Ave and he moved here just a few days ago.”

 

“Uh huh. And you just found this out?”

 

“Yes. Well, sort of. I found out yesterday afternoon.”

 

“You saw me yesterday. And today. Why wouldn’t you bring it up?”

 

Justin sighed and just came out and said it.

 

“Because I ran into him and his daughter yesterday and had lunch with them. And Brian’s partner. It wasn’t planned or anything, they just invited me to tag along. I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

 

“You could have brought it up by saying, ‘Hey, I ran into my ex and had lunch with him.’ It isn’t that hard.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“You were acting so weird and quiet yesterday. I knew something had to have happened.”

 

“It was nothing, Nathan. It was just a shock to see him after all these years. Most of the time I was with him he was practically a functioning alcoholic, drug user, and fucked everything that moved. It was weird seeing him settled down with a small family. I am sorry I didn’t tell you. It just put a lot on my mind.”

 

“And you felt like you couldn’t unload and share that with me at all?”

 

“I’m telling you now.”

 

Nathan let out a sigh. He was about to point out that the only reason Justin was telling him was because he might potentially meet Brian now. Nathan didn’t know that much about Brian, to be honest. He always thought he may never completely live up to Justin’s first lover though. Acting all jealous wouldn’t help now. Don’t get him wrong, he felt jealousy. He also felt betrayal because Justin hadn’t told him yesterday, even when Nathan had asked what was wrong. But that wasn’t the way to go about this. He had to be rational.

 

“So fine. He’s coming to Christmas dinner with his family. If that is the only thing you need to warn me about, then that’s nothing. I’m coming.”

 

“You-you’re coming to dinner?”

 

“Yeah, I’m still invited, aren’t I?”

 

“Well, yeah. I just don’t want you to feel weird. Because you were afraid you would feel uncomfortable before but now-“

 

“It’s no big deal. According to you, a lot of people will be there. I am sure I can find someone to chat with. If no one my age, then there is always Drew’s grandma. Just tell Emmett I’m coming.”

 

“Alright, if you’re sure…”

 

“I’m sure, Justin. You said you went back to your loft to paint, right? I should let you get to that then.”

 

“Yeah. Are you sure we’re okay?”

 

Nathan sighed, then answered, “Yes, Justin. It just surprised me a bit and okay, I’ll admit, that I am a little annoyed that you didn’t say anything yesterday, but I am sure that I will enjoy myself at dinner. We’re good. Now go be the genius that I know that you are. Love you.”

 

“…You too.”

 

Justin heard Nathan hang up and he took the phone down away from his ear.

 

He didn’t know how he felt about this.

“Brian, I really love it. I love it so much.”

 

Brian looked around the townhouse. He had to give his partner props for finding it because it really was beautiful. Modern and sleek enough to appease him, but had a lot of creative individual touches that drew Eric in. As soon as Brian put Lily down onto the polished hardwood floor, she took off running and pointed out everything she liked. Granted, she had done that with every place that day (if Brian and Eric were lacking in anything, it was not good taste.) However, this place seemed to renew her sense of energy, which had been winding down with the last two places they had seen in Dumbo. Brian actually really liked the last place they looked at. It was almost right on the water and had rooftop access. It was a townhouse, but its style reminded him a lot of his loft in Pittsburgh.

 

However, Eric hadn’t been completely convinced and said, “Brian, I really like this place and it reminds me of Pittsburgh too, but you still have that loft. It is a great loft and we stay there frequently when we go back for business. I love it and I know that it means a lot to you sentimentally, don’t get me wrong. But don’t you want something just a tiny bit different this time? Can we please look at the next place, just to see? I know it is a bit more expensive but we are both doing really well and can afford it plus I really loved the pictures we looked at. If you still like this place a lot better we can make the call as soon as we step back out onto the street and we’ll make an offer and-”

 

Brian had just laughed and kissed Eric on his temple. “Eric, I don’t mind seeing the next place, you don’t have to work so hard to try to convince me. I’m not going to live in a place unless you absolutely love it. Let’s go back to the car before I get another parking ticket and we’ll head over there.” And that’s what they did. It turns out that it was worth looking at the next house on the list, just to see how happy and in awe the potential new home made his partner look.

 

Brian always handled change in odd ways. Sometimes he welcomed it and sometimes he detested it. When he found something he loved, it was hard for him to let it go. He had lived in several different places in his life. His parents had moved him and his sister around to about five different cheap apartments in the Pittsburgh area that he could remember before his mother’s father had passed away when Brian was thirteen and left his house to her. None of those places, not even the house, felt like a home. The closest before the loft was Debbie’s but he always made sure that he remembered he was just a guest. When he moved into his loft in Pittsburgh, it represented so many things to him, most of those things brought on by change. It represented the new starts in his life. He was only 24 when he made the purchase. It had been the first confirmation of his success. It was confirmation that he had made it without his parents’ financial or emotional support. It was confirmation that he didn’t have to go back to live in a blue collar neighborhood like the one he grew up in and work a manual labor job like his father did. He didn’t have to reside in a small studio shit hole barely surviving off of ramen like he did in the summers while he was in college and he had an unpaid internship by day and waited tables by night. When he bought the loft, it was proof that he had survived and that he had gotten farther than either of his parents had ever thought he would. It gave him the status of being a true stud, not just an exclusive young top in the back rooms.

 

But what started making the loft really special to him were the many memories that he had with Justin. It was where he had first taken Justin when he met him under the streetlight. It was the first and only place he had lived in with Justin. It was where Justin had recovered from the bashing. It was the first place where he had ever made love and not just fucked. It is where Justin told him how proud he was of him for giving up everything to stop Stockwell. It was where Justin had taken care of him when he had cancer. It was the first place he had slept with Justin and the last place as well. It was the place where he had welcomed him into his life and the place where he had ultimately kicked him out of it. The only thing it hadn’t been was the place where Justin had said yes to his proposal. And, as great a memory as that was, it was a proposal that had led to nowhere and what use did one man have for a country manor? As hard as it was, he was able to let that place go because it never represented a home to him, only what could have been but shouldn’t be dwelled on. The loft had ended up representing the five wonderful and tumultuous years he had spent with the first person he had ever loved and deep down would always love. He could never let go of it.

 

The loft had memories of Eric as well, although not as many since they had only actively lived there together for about a year before moving to a bigger place only a few blocks away. And then they had only lived in that bigger place for a few months before deciding it would be best to rent it out until they sold it so Brian could work out of the Chicago branch instead. But it had been the loft where Eric had been compassionate and understanding when Brian had slipped up and where Brian had taken a turn for the better. It had been where they had agreed to have a child together. It was there where Eric inexplicably had Billie Holiday playing while he worked on a design for a client and Brian had even more inexplicably made him stand up and slow dance with him to “I’ll Be Seeing You.” It had been almost as ridiculously romantic as another dance he had initiated years before.

 

However, most of his favorite memories with Eric and Lily were up in Chicago, a city which held another home that he would never let go of. He had so many memories with his lover in that windy city. It was where they had watched their daughter grow into the precocious, outgoing, and happy little girl she is today. It was where he had held Eric for about half an hour while he cried after his parents had come up from North Carolina to finally meet their granddaughter only to completely dismiss Brian’s place in her life and express their extreme disappointment in their son. He remembers wanting to stake his claim on Eric and Lily right then and there and throw his partner’s parents out of his apartment. He remembers finally getting them to leave and slamming the door in their faces, then rushing over to Eric when he saw his face crumple. He remembers Eric sobbing out reassuring words, in order to make sure Brian knew that he was, “the most wonderful father any little girl could ask for” even though Eric was the one who had been crying. It was also in Chicago where he and Eric had danced around like idiots and sang along to Disney songs with Lily to make her giggle and the term “Stepford” had only passed through Brian’s head four times tops. It was there where he had shared a great amount of happiness with Eric and Lily and built a home with them. This place that already held so many memories was also the place Eric had proposed to him surrounded by boxes packed up for New York and Brian hadn’t thought of saying anything other than yes. He had been glad Eric had asked since Brian himself didn’t think he could ever bring himself to ask that question to anyone else ever again, even if he really wanted to.

 

Brian had mostly hidden it, but it had been so hard to leave that loft on Tremont Street and almost just as hard to leave their Chicago apartment on Clark Street. But at least this time he didn’t feel like he was leaving anything behind when he left Chicago since Eric and Lily were still with him. He knew that no matter where they lived, no matter how much or how little it cost, they would make new memories together. He knew that their home in New York would mean just as much as the two that meant so much before it.

 

“Brian? What do you think?”

 

Brian looked at Eric and his mouth turned upwards into a small smile.

 

“It’s perfect.”

 

Eric grinned, then took Brian’s face in his hands and kissed him square on the mouth. They followed Lily around the rooms while she showed them which room HAD to be hers. After leading her away from the master bedroom, she picked another room with a bay window with a cushioned seat built against the wall and a built-in book shelf. She was so excited and he could tell that Eric was just as excited about this place as well. Brian couldn’t say no. He went downstairs to put a bid in with the realtor. He had easily been approved for a loan to cover more than the five million dollar asking price (Christ, buying a nice sized place in the city was expensive.) After he had bargained with her and she had called the owners, they finally agreed that 4.5 million would be acceptable. They thanked the realtor and told her to have a good holiday. Brian took Lily’s hand and the three of them walked out of the house that was now approved to become their home by the first of February. As they walked down the street to become acquainted with their soon-to-be neighborhood, Eric reached out and grabbed his free hand. Brian was happy.

Justin got off the shuttle bus that went to LaGuardia and waited near his sister’s gate. She knew her way around the city enough by now to get to his loft on her own. But he was feeling a bit anxious to see her. She had just turned 24 at the end of August and was about a year older than Nathan, but their age gap had kept them from having a close relationship as kids. They didn’t start to get to really know each other until the summer after her second year of college. She had gotten an internship at the New York Hall of Science Museum and all of them, even his father from what he had heard, had been proud. She had responded to a Craig’s List ad and had gotten a sublet in Harlem in order to have an easy commute and save money. Craig had offered to rent a studio that she could have to herself, but she had distanced herself from their father since their parents had divorced. Yes, she hadn’t been close to Justin when all that shit went down, but she had been old enough to stay disgusted with her father for disowning his own son. She probably should have taken him up on the offer though because, unfortunately, the woman she had moved in with was absolutely psychotic. She had paid for May when she moved in at the beginning of that month and gave the woman her money for June with her month’s notice. She became so wary of her that she packed her bags in the middle of the night only after two weeks of living there, had taken the subway down to his apartment at the time in Park Slope, then knocked on his door at 2 am and asked Justin if she could stay with him for the remainder of her almost four month stay. He had let her in and she tossed everything in the corner and proclaimed that she would never use a website named after her father again.

 

Justin remembers that summer being a rather celibate one. Yet he also remembers it as the summer when he had finally gotten to know his younger sister. He learned how fucking brilliant she was, for one thing. They were a bit more on the same level now that they were both adults too, so they had more to talk about now. Justin had always felt pretty confident in his looks and he knew that he easily attracted both men and women, but Molly was drop dead gorgeous. He had developed late case of overprotective older brother syndrome during her stay since she had attracted catcallers from left and right and he had neighbors asking him if his sister was single. He remembers being so worried that he signed her up for self-defense classes and she had just laughed at him and told him not to waste his money. Although, he had put his muscle memory to use from when he was in the Pink Posse and he made sure she knew how to throw a punch and knock someone’s feet out from under them if the need may arise. He may have also given her pepper spray. The self-defense lessons may not have come in handy that summer but they at least helped her a little bit the following one. Despite being a bit too nervous, Molly had taken it all in stride and, when Justin was free from work and wasn’t staying over with someone and Molly wasn’t at her internship, researching, or going out with people her own age, they would see plays, go to museums, go out to eat, cook, watch movies, and just talk. If someone had told his younger self that Molly would become one of his closest friends, he probably wouldn’t believe them, but that is what had happened. He talked to her at least once a week and had just seen her at Thanksgiving, but he was missing her.

 

A flight attendant announced that Molly’s flight was arriving and soon after the passengers started to come through the door, down the ramp, and to the baggage carousel. He saw the loose strawberry blonde curls in the crowd. He called out her name and she turned around with a big smile on her face. She ran over and gave him a big hug. When he tried to let go, she whispered,

 

“Justin! Don’t let go yet! I had to sit by that guy over there the whole trip up here and he is a creep! Those forty-five minutes felt like a lifetime. Maybe he will think you are my boyfriend and feel bad.”

 

“Don’t be disgusting.” he had said to her as he slowly pulled himself away.

 

Justin looked over to who she was talking about and...yeah, he was pretty gross. Justin winced in sympathy and grabbed her bag so they could leave.

 

“Thanks for paying for my ticket. Flights two days before Christmas are a bit too much for a teacher’s salary, even when said tickets are paid for two months in advance. I will pay you back soon.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, because you know I won’t take it. I am glad to do it.”

 

“I know, and thanks. Even though I will just hide money under your pillow next time I’m here.”

 

Justin snorted and raised his hand up to get one of the passing cabs.

 

“The bus would be cheaper, Jester.”

 

“I rarely take cabs and, like we established, money isn’t a problem anyway, Mollusk. Besides, it will be faster. We have to meet Mom and Tucker at Penn Station in a few hours anyway. I want you to get settled first.”

 

Usually it was easy to get a cab at the airport but with so many flights coming in for Christmas, he was having a harder time.

 

“Should I flash some leg?”

 

“Molly, you’re wearing jeans.”

 

“I just have to roll one of my pants’ legs up. It would work, trust me.”

 

Luckily it hadn’t come to that because one pulled over for them soon after. He got her bag into the trunk and they piled in.

 

Molly had talked about how her month had been and what she had been up to. She seemed to have something on her mind though and Justin planned to question her about it as soon as they got back. The ride took longer than normal since they got stuck in traffic on the Queensboro Bridge, but they got home with about two hours to spare before they needed to get on the train to meet their mother.

 

Molly got the air mattress out of the closet and turned on the automatic pump to blow it up so the noise wouldn’t bother the neighbors later. After, she sat on the couch, turned on the TV, and got quiet.

 

“You seem off.”

 

Molly stared at him, then blinked. “Why do you stay that?”

 

“I can’t pinpoint it, you just do.”

 

Molly sighed, then blurted out,

 

“I think I am going through a quarter-life crisis.”

 

Justin raised an eyebrow her and motioned for her to go on.

 

“I am aware that I got really lucky when it came to getting my job. If Janice Barker hadn’t dropped dead from an aneurysm while grading pop quizzes the second week of school, I probably would have been a substitute for at least another year or two before finding a full-time job. What were the odds that she would teach my subject? Her demise was my gain, and for that, I am grateful.”

 

“How have I never realized how demented you are?”

 

“I will come off as more sympathetic in a minute, I promise.”

 

Justin waited for her to continue.

 

“I like kids. I do. I like every single one of my students and I enjoy doing what I do enough. I recognize that it is an important job and that in one way or another, I have the ability to shape the lives of these kids. But I don’t think I can explain why mixing baking soda and vinegar together does what it does one more time. It is so simple and boring. I was afraid this would happen. The thought almost made me go into teaching middle school and high school students instead. But Justin, teenagers are such fucking shitheads. I should know. My brother moved in with his older lover when he was 17 and I dyed my hair turquoise and let my friend pierce my belly button with a hot sewing needle at an even younger age than that. They drive people crazy.”

 

Justin remembered when his mother called him in such a state when that had happened. From what he could make out of his mother’s stressful call, his 16 year old sister had walked through the front door in a cutoff shirt, blue hair, and smelled like marijuana. He had felt a strange combination horrified and amused. He also felt guilty about being so distant from her. He is sure a rebellious punk rock Molly would have been interesting to witness.

 

“I don’t think I want to be a teacher. I don’t think I ever did really. I want to help find the cures to diseases. I got my bachelor’s degree to start doing that but then went into something I turned out not to be passionate about. Why did I do that?”

 

“Molly, I’m sorry you feel that way. But you don’t have to freak out about it. You are 24. You are still really young and you can still go get your doctorate. You are my sister and obviously that makes you really fucking smart. I wouldn’t be surprised if you found a vaccine for Ebola or a cure for some type of cancer.”

 

“Tucker will be upset. He thinks that I wanted to follow in his footsteps.”

 

“Tucker’s not so bad. He won’t be offended. And if he is, remind him that he is not the one who has to live your life.”

 

“Dad will be upset. He worried that I might try to aim too high and fail if I went to grad school to study medicine. He would have never said that about you if were in my place.”

 

“If I were a straight son in your place. Dad’s a prick, I don’t know what else I can say.”

 

Molly was silent then looked at Justin.

 

“He’s been asking about you lately, you know. When I bother to pick up the phone.”

 

That reveal had perked Justin’s interest.

 

“What has he been asking? If I still like co-”

 

“No, I think he has given up on you ever not liking that. He called last week to check up on me. Then he asked me if I knew how you were doing and if you were happy. He sounded sad. And drunk.”

 

“What did you tell him?”

 

“That you were a big success and if he wanted to know any more then he would have to get in contact with you himself. I don’t talk to him much, but he’s been weird. He’s living alone since Madison left him last year. He asked me to come spend Christmas with him. If he hadn’t pulled what he did with you, I would have felt sorry for him.”

 

“Molly, you don’t have to keep him out of your life because he kicked me out of his. I’ve told you that. I do know that he always loved you.”

 

“I don’t want any man in my life who would do what he did to his son. The only way that I would even consider making up with him is if he at least attempted to make up with you.”

 

There was no point in arguing with her. It was something Molly had always felt, even when back when they had barely seen or spoken to each other.

 

“So, big brother, how have you been? Any exciting news?”

 

“Well, we are having the New Year’s Eve Showing at the gallery.”

 

“Yeah, no shit. I will still be in until January 2nd, as if you didn’t remember. Go on.”

 

“Nathan wrote a jingle for Arm & Hammer. He’s getting a good paycheck for it.”

 

“I’m sure it’s lovely. Anything else?”

 

“Brian Kinney is going to be at Emmett’s for Christmas dinner.”

 

....

He really wishes Molly would pick her jaw up off the floor.

 

“Hot Brian?”

 

“What?”

 

“I always referred to him as Hot Brian to mom. I think it made her uncomfortable.”

 

“Then yes, ‘Hot Brian’ is coming to dinner. And yes, before you fucking ask, he is still hot.”

 

“Good thing Nathan isn’t into Christmas.”

 

“He’s coming too.”

 

Molly put a hand on his shoulder and put on her most sympathetic face. When Justin looked at her, she couldn’t hold it anymore and broke into a fit of laughter.

 

“It is going to be so awkward for you! ...I’m sorry, it isn’t funny. Nathan knows, right?”

 

“Yeah, I told him. He took it better than I expected.”

 

“Well, that’s good. Don’t get me wrong, I like him. But he is the type to go into drama queen mode over little things, let alone something like this. He is just so different from you, Justin.”

 

Justin sighed. His sister and his mother both liked Nathan as a person. Hell, when Molly came, she and Nathan would go bar hopping without him if Justin didn’t feel like going or had something else planned. But she and his mom always threw out hints implying that they didn’t see how Nathan and Justin had ended up together in the first place, let alone understand how it could be that they were approaching being together for two years this coming February.

 

“So you’ve said. But Brian is coming with his partner and his daughter so it will be less awkward.”

 

“For Nathan, maybe.”

 

“Eric and Lily are both very nice.”

 

“Obviously I am missing some of the story. And you are going to tell me it tonight. But what time do we need to meet mom?”

 

Justin looked at the clock. “We should probably leave now.”

 

After he and Molly got their coats on, they headed out the door.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Look at you two! You have both grown, I’m sure of it!”

 

“Mom, we have both been grown for a while.”

 

“Oh, my babies…”

 

Ever since Jennifer and Tucker had moved up to Connecticut about two and a half years ago to be closer to her parents, she had felt conflicted about it. She didn’t regret it, by any means. Her father had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and, while her mother was still very active and capable at the age of 76, she didn’t want her facing the challenge of her husband’s slow mental deterioration. But she missed her kids. She was actually physically closer to Justin now, but she was still a couple of hours away and only saw him once every other month or so. Molly had only been a little over an hour away when Jennifer was in Pittsburgh, since Molly just lived in Morgantown. But now her youngest was so far away and she only got to see her for holidays. She missed them so much.

 

“Hey, mom? Why don’t we get your bags to your room and go get dinner? Come on, the hotel is only a block away.”

 

Justin took her suitcase and shook hands with Tucker. They got to the hotel and checked in then came back downstairs to join her kids again.

 

Tucker turned to Justin and asked, “What did you have in mind for dinner?”

 

“There’s an Indian place about seven blocks down that is really good. If you want, we can go there.”

 

They decided to walk and he was glad that his mother directed her attention to Molly for the most part on the way there. He knew he needed tell his mother that Brian would be at Emmett’s. She started out despising Brian and surprisingly ended up loving the man. She had been almost as heartbroken as he was when they had broken up for good. He knew it couldn’t be a surprise to her though. It wouldn’t upset him if his mother reacted positively upon seeing Brian again, but he didn’t want any surprises getting her too excited about it in front of Nathan. That would just be an extra blow to his current boyfriend and he wanted to make Christmas as easy as he could for him. He wanted it to be easy for both of them.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Lily. Lily, wake up!”

 

Lily felt a hand on her shoulder nudging her awake. She slowly opened her eyes and rubbed her face only to see her daddy sitting on her bed holding a camera. He was so strange sometimes.

 

“Daddy, what?”

 

“I think someone broke into the apartment.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“When I went to bed last night, everything looked normal. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, the tree was lit, the presents Papa and I got you, your brother, and JR were under it too. But NOW there are presents everywhere and I just don’t know who left them. We should call the police so they can investigate and take the presents to the station.”

 

“No no no no no! Daddy, no! Santa came, it was Santa! Santa came here and left the presents for us! And we DON’T have a chimney, silly!”

 

Wide awake now at her daddy’s horrible detective skills, she got up and jumped on the bed a few times to get out some of her excitement, then jumped down to the floor and ran for the living room with her dad on her heels. She saw her papa coming out of the kitchen with two cups of coffee, but she couldn’t waste time saying more than a quick “Hi, Papa!” to him right now. She had to get to the living room. When she finally did get there, she squealed and danced around when she saw everything.

 

“Now, Lily! Make sure you read the names on the tags. Some of those are probably for JR and Gus. Remember when I taught you how to spell and write your name?” her papa asked her as she ran over to the Anna and Elsa dolls.

 

“Yes, yes L-I-L-Y Lily.” She recited, then looked over at daddy. “Daddy, can you open Elsa?”

 

Daddy sighed as he turned off the camera and said, “I’ll try. Those twist ties are a real bi-…pain though.”

 

“Okay, daddy. You try your best and ask Papa if you need help, okay?”

 

“Yes, dear, be sure to help poor little me with this god awful packaging.”

 

Her papa laughed at that and went over to sit next to Daddy on the couch. He put Daddy’s mug of coffee on the coffee table, then turned to her.

 

“Lily, why don’t we see what’s in your stocking?”

 

“Okay!”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Eric turned to Brian and smirked then shook his head.

 

“You really had to get her up at 6:45 in the morning?”

 

“Someone broke into the house, Eric. She had to know. Besides, I was bored.”

 

“Just admit it. You are a little bit into the Christmas spirit this year and you know it.”

 

Brian leaned closer and said in a low sensual voice, “Bah…humbug” then pulled mistletoe out of the couch and held it over their heads.

 

“Did you seriously stash mistletoe in the couch like you used to with condoms? Brian, you are so weird.” Eric gasped out as he laughed but was shut up by Brian’s lips against his.

 

“Daddy, Papa, stop.” Lily told them as she colored in her new coloring book. She had been pouting a little since they told her she had to wait until the rest of her family came before they opened the wrapped presents. If Brian had let her sleep as long as possible, this wouldn’t be happening.

 

“Who all is coming this morning?”

 

Brian started adding them up in his head.

 

“Gus, JR, Lindsay, Mel, Michael, Ben, Hunter, and Cynthia.”

 

“Jesus, will they all fit in here?”

 

“We shall see. It will be like a game.”

 

Eric smiled at that. “Well, you are in a playful mood this morning.”

 

Brian shrugged and went over to Lily. “Hey Lily, how about I make you hot chocolate and then the three of us will play one of your new board games?”

 

“Can we play Candyland?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“Okay!” Lily exclaimed as she ran over to the tree to get the game.

 

Eric came up behind Brian and held him around the waist.

 

“I love you like this, Brian. You are so good to our kid,” he whispered in Brian’s ear.

 

Brian looked down and gave a humble smile. He secretly enjoyed being like this too.

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

After Lily kicked their asses at Candyland three times in a row and they put on Elf for her to watch, they heard a knock at the door. Lily, who had been immersed in Buddy the Elf’s antics, turned around really quickly and said,

 

“Gus, JR, and Aunt Cynthia?”

 

“It just might be. I’ll go check.”

 

Eric got up to look through the peephole then opened the door. Michael was in front of the crowd and exclaimed, “Merry Christmas!”

 

Lily ran over to greet them all. Daddy and Papa took Lily to Toronto for holidays and usually for at least a weekend every other month, sometimes more, and they would go to Pittsburgh to see Aunt Cynthia almost just as much. They came to see her too, especially Aunt Cynthia and Gus, but she missed them so much in between visits. She loved them all, but she REALLY loved Gus, JR, and Aunt Cynthia.

Gus, because he was her brother. He was always nice to her and would sometimes even play with her. But he hadn’t been playing with her as much the last few times she saw him. He never liked playing dolls or dress up, but he had been ignoring her more. Daddy said it was because he was a teenager now and had a girlfriend. If she ever got friend like that, she wouldn’t ignore people, but that was just her.

 

JR was almost 11 years old and not a teenager so she would play with her more, even though she wasn’t her sister. She didn’t understand that, because she was Gus’s sister, so wouldn’t that make JR her sister too? She felt like JR was her big sister though and she loved it when she got to come with Gus and stay with them. She liked Disney movies okay, but she liked sports a lot more than dolls, dress up, and playing pretend. That was okay though because JR had taught her how to throw a ball sort of right this past fall and it was sort of fun.

 

But she missed Aunt Cynthia the most. She loved Aunt Cynthia so much and wished that she lived a lot closer. She came to visit a lot though. She would take Lily out for ice cream and to the park. They would have what Aunt Cynthia would call girl’s day out and they would go do things like go to kids’ museums and go out to dinner. She would play with her and read her bedtime stories when she was in. She had even heard people say that she had Aunt Cynthia’s eyes and she loved that people thought that because Aunt Cynthia was really pretty. She was so nice to her and told Lily that she was the most important person in her life.

 

“Hi, Uncle Michael!” Lily called out as she ran over to give him and Uncle Ben a hug.

 

“Hey, baby girl!” Uncle Ben told her.

 

“Uncle Ben! I’m not a baby girl anymore!”

 

“That’s right, I’m sorry. I keep forgetting you are a big girl now.”

 

“Yep! Where’s Aunt Cynthia?”

 

“Hi, sweetie.”

 

Lily turned and found her. She was carrying a suitcase and had a happy smile on her face. She kneeled down and Lily ran into her arms and held on as tight as she could. Aunt Cynthia picked her up and held on tight. Lily didn’t want to be let down, so Aunt Cynthia just talked to her while holding her.

 

“I see that Santa came to visit.”

 

“Uh huh. He must have known Gus and JR would be coming ‘cause he left them stuff too. Daddy came in and woke me up telling me someone broke into the house and left a bunch of stuff here. He was going to call the police and have them come get it! It’s like he forgot it was Christmas!”

 

“Brian!” everyone said as they looked over towards the kitchen where Brian was making pancakes and more coffee.

 

“What? Everything I said was completely true.”

 

Aunt Cynthia rolled her eyes and looked back at Lily.

 

“Well, I brought you some presents too. I even brought a present for Gus and JR.”

 

“Did you fill up that suitcase up with presents?” Lily asked, eyes wide.

 

“You bet, you spoiled girl.”

 

“I’m not spoiled! It’s not my fault you bought me presents,” Lily giggled.

 

“I suppose you’re right. I just have to learn to ignore your cuteness.”

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Cynthia put Lily down and opened the suitcase so she could put the presents she brought under the tree. She put the suitcase in the corner of the room then turned around to watch Lily interact with JR while Gus went in to hug his dad and talk to him. She knows that she spent too much on Lily. She knows she spoils that little girl, but she can’t help it. She really missed Lily after their visits ended. Even though she had told Brian and Eric that they didn’t need to tell Lily her biological role in Lily’s life until she was older, Lily was her daughter. No, she hadn’t carried her for nine months, but she felt such a strong bond with her that she hadn’t expected. She wanted her to have the things she never could have even hoped to have when she was a child. She knew Brian and Eric were more than capable when it came to loving her and making sure she wanted for nothing, but she wanted to contribute in any way she could.

 

Cynthia had grown up poor. Her father had left the family while her mother was pregnant with her so it had just been Cynthia, her mother, and her sister, who had been five years older. Her mother had worked her ass off to provide for them. She had worked as a maid at a motel in the mornings and worked as a bartender at night. Her sister often had to watch her and put her to bed once their mother went to work if they didn’t get a babysitter. But they had made it work. Cynthia didn’t remember feeling like she was lacking anything until she was six years old and her sister had been diagnosed with leukemia. Despite getting financial assistance for treatments and her sister going through chemotherapy, they had lost her a year after the diagnosis. Losing her oldest daughter had driven her mother into a downward spiral. She never got over it. She drank almost non-stop and had emotionally distanced herself from Cynthia. She was never abusive. She never hit her or was mean to her. She had just ignored her. Sometimes she would tell Cynthia how sorry she was and that she loved her as she tried to pick herself up off the floor.

 

Cynthia thinks her mother understood her behavior enough to encourage Cynthia to go out of state and away from her for college. She had even signed a loan form for a parent plus loan but Cynthia knew she could never afford it so she sent the payments in herself. She would send the money to her mother, but she was afraid of what her mother might spend it on. When she started working for Brian full-time and was doing well for herself, she got her mother into a better place and made sure her bills were paid for, but never sent her more than grocery money. Her mother couldn’t go to more than a couple of AA meetings without falling off the wagon and still had problems dealing with her daughter’s death, even after thirty years. Cynthia obviously handled it better, but she still missed her sister and wondered what it would have been like to grow up with her. Right before Lily was born and Brian and Eric asked her what her first name should be, she immediately said the first name of the sister she had lost as a child.

 

Cynthia never regretted her decision to not carry Lily and give her parental rights to Brian. She had always respected Brian. He was only six years older than her, but he had been a mentor and a heroic figure in her life ever since she had met him. He had taken her on part-time at Ryder when she was a junior at La Roche College, even though he had been told to look for a full-time assistant. Cynthia remembers asking him if he was sure if that was okay and he had said that he didn’t need a full-time assistant after all and it was for the best to keep himself working more. He had said he wanted to start her at $12 an hour since he remembered how a low-paying part time job really fucked his finances when he was in school. He didn’t want her to have to work her ass off at two jobs when she had classes to focus on. She remembers almost bursting into tears at his surprising kindness and making him incredibly uncomfortable as she tried to keep her eyes from leaking. He had taken her on full-time the day after she graduated. She has been so grateful for what he had done for her and has even loved Brian for all the time she has known him. The fact that he was with Eric who had strangely and coincidentally been her first boyfriend made her even more keen to say yes to being the mother of their child. Even though it turned out that Eric came out as gay years later, he had been incredibly kind to her and non-judgmental when it came to her financial class and mother, despite coming from an upper-middle class, two parent home. But she probably would have agreed to do it if Brian had been with Justin still and he wanted him to have a biological child with her.

 

She had never planned to be a mother. After watching her mother suffer the way she did and seeing how it had devastated her to lose a child, she told herself she would never have kids. She had never been around young children for long periods of time, so she didn’t feel much for them anyway. She wanted to be a career woman. She would go to school, make decent money, and maybe get a cat. All that had happened. She graduated with honors, she now ran the Pittsburgh branch of Kinnetik with Ted and was making more money than she ever dreamed of, and she came home to her Maine Coon, Jasper. She hadn’t expected Lily to come into her life but, like she never regretted giving Brian her rights, she never regretted forming a bond with her. She loved her so much and she was so glad she was being raised by two people who loved her dearly as well. The only thing she kind of regretted was that she had been the one to insist that Lily call her aunt instead of mom.

 

“Come on, Aunt Cynthia. I wanna show you what I got so far.” Lily commanded as she pulled on Cynthia’s hand. Cynthia followed her daughter. She pulled her skirt down and sat on her knees to look at what Lily had to show her. Brian and Eric had done pretty well when it came to indulging Lily’s girly girl tastes. From what she could see, Santa had brought Lily some new dolls, a few costume dresses, and a little purse. They had also gotten gender neutral gifts, like a small bike with training wheels, a couple of board games, and several coloring books. She is pretty sure Brian had secretly wanted her to be at least a little bit of a tomboy. He had tried to get her to broaden her horizons a little. However, the most he could get her to do was to get her to wear a helmet when she rode her tricycle instead of a tiara. But the helmet Lily had picked was purple and had glittery stars on it, so Cynthia didn’t think that was a huge win on the tomboy front.

 

“Look at what I colored for you, Aunt Cynthia! I colored it just for you!” Lily proclaimed proudly as she handed her a sheet out of her coloring book. She was getting coordinated enough to color somewhat in the lines now.

 

“Lily, it’s beautiful. I will put it on my refrigerator. How does that sound?”

 

“Good. Then when you go into the kitchen and get something to eat, you can think of me and how much I love you.”

 

Lily got up and ran into the kitchen to see Gus. Cynthia took Lily’s artwork and carefully put it into the pocket of the suitcase she brought with her.

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Brian sat down with everyone and they did their gift exchange. They had each gotten the other adults in the room something and had all gotten probably way too much on the kids. They had fun watching the kids get excited over their gifts. Gus and JR didn’t believe in Santa anymore, but they still got presents from him since they were both kids and to keep the illusion up for Lily as well. They also got the kids presents that were from them too. They had gotten JR a new softball mitt, a camera, some money, and some new clothes. Brian sort of went all out on Gus. He and Eric had gotten him a new gaming system, the new iPhone, some books, a leather jacket, a few movies he had been wanting, and a gift card for the mall up in Toronto so he could buy some things for himself.

 

He had also bought Gus condoms, although he wasn’t that much of a jerk to put those under the tree. Lindsay had called him up a few days ago asking him to have “the talk” with Gus. They thought it would be better that he get it from his father, rather than either of his mothers. Both Mel and Linds had been a little worried that he might be an early bloomer like his father. The thing was, despite Gus being a dead ringer for him and having a bit of his sarcastic aloofness going on, he wasn’t all that much like him. For one, he was pretty sure the kid was as straight as an arrow. Sure they say no one is completely one way or another, but Gus had always had crushes on girls and practically had hearts in his eyes when he talked about Penelope, his girlfriend. He was also a lot more innocent than Brian ever was. He didn’t jump right into things like sex, but even if he did, he would much rather hear that Gus had slept with Penelope than hear he got taken advantage of by his gym teacher in the locker room. Brian had tried to make that story into something hot, but he would be devastated and enraged if that happened to either one of his kids. So he said he would talk with him before they left after the New Year. If Gus did end up having sex, he wanted him to be safe and not be afraid to talk about it with him if something happened.

 

The kids had opened all their presents, at least until they got to Emmett and Drew’s house in Hoboken. In the past, Emmett tended to splurge on Lily when it came to birthdays and Christmas. Even if Emmett didn’t make it to Toronto where they usually gathered for a special occasion, Lily always had a package waiting for her when they got back to Chicago. Brian and Emmett always had a strange friendship. They never had much in common and pushed each other’s buttons in the past, but he did appreciate Emmett accepting Eric into the group immediately with open arms and without questions or skepticism. He appreciated Emmett’s neutral feelings when it came to him ending his relationship with Justin and not taking one side or the other. When Brian learned to open up a little more, he even told Emmett how much he had appreciated his actions back then, which of course led Emmett to become a touchy and teary mess. After Lily was born and she became old enough to make it known what her tastes were when it came to toys and clothes, Brian had sort of been lost when it came to buying stuff for her. Emmett was probably too ecstatic to help him out when it came to mentoring Brian when it came to buying clothes and gifts for her and showing him what stores and activities they could do that would indulge that side of her as well. So he knew that they would be lugging home at least a few things for Lily and probably sending some stuff up from Emmett back to Toronto for Gus and JR too.

 

Everyone was pretty tired after the Christmas morning high. Lily had passed out on top of the torn up wrapping paper, Gus was lounging next to her texting on his new phone, JR was sitting next to Hunter with her head on his shoulder, and the adults were sitting there quietly. Since there were eleven of them and the apartment was a temporary place that Brian and Eric had only really prepared for three people, not all of them got chairs. But they made it work and enjoyed each other’s company. However, they all avoided the topic of Justin. Everyone, including Brian and Eric, knew he and Nathan were going to Emmett’s today and no one really knew how to bring up the subject. It had been so long since they had witnessed Brian and Justin in the same room and, even though they heard Justin went to lunch with Brian, Eric, and Lily and it went well, they couldn’t really anticipate how this was going to go. In all honesty, Brian couldn't either. He didn't think the problem would be spending an evening with Justin, he just didn't know how he would feel spending an evening with Justin with Nathan along. Brian would like to think he grew up and could deal with seeing his ex with someone else. Justin seemed to do fine when he met Eric and Lily. However, Brian knows Justin has always been a bit more emotionally mature than him. Brian knows he can be a petty asshole when he gets upset by something. As much as he tried to work on that in the past several years, it still happened. But he was going to try his best not to be.

 

“It’s a little after 11 now. We are probably going to head back to the hotel to get the gifts back to the room and maybe see some of the city. What time should we meet you to catch the train?” Michael asked as he started picking up some wrapping paper around the tree.

 

Eric got on his phone to look at the holiday schedule.

 

“When does Emmett want us there? Around 4, right? The PATH for Hoboken leaves every 20-30 minutes from 33rd Street. There is a train that is supposed to leave at 3:15. Let’s meet above ground at the entrance by 3 so we can go together. If we get there early, we can just walk around the park in front of Emmett’s place for a little bit so you guys can enjoy the view.

 

“That sounds good to us,” Ben said as he stood up.

 

“Hey JR, do you want to come with us or stay with your moms and we’ll just see you there?”

 

JR shrugged and said she supposed she would go with them then put on her coat and boots. Michael and Ben asked Gus if he wanted to tag along too but he wanted to stay with his dad for the day. Mel and Lindsay decided to head back to the hotel and rest a little before going to Emmett’s. Cynthia headed out the door soon after, but not before she carried Lily to her bed. Soon, it was just Eric, Brian, and Gus in the room. Gus put on one of his movies and they all sat down and watched it together.

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Are you sure we don’t need to bring anything? Like a casserole or something?”

 

As Justin straightened Nathan’s tie, he shook his head.

 

“We are bringing an expensive bottle of wine and that should be enough. Believe me, Emmett has it covered. He bought all this food that he is dying to make and bringing over any more would just be downright gluttonous. We will all go in and help him, of course. Dinner won’t be ready until at least 6. It’ll be a good time to visit with everyone else too.”

 

“Like Brian?”

 

Justin grimaced. “And everyone else. I’m looking forward to seeing Gus. I got to keep in touch with him even after Brian and I ended things because I stayed in touch with Lindsay and Mel. But I haven’t seen him since August when Lindsay took him to Philadelphia for my show. I have only gotten a couple of emails from him since then.

 

Nathan sighed. “I’m glad you kept in touch with him. I know you told me you knew him since the night he was born. I would never hold that against you. I’m happy he is still in your life. Don’t mind me, I’m just a little jealous I guess. And curious. How did you keep in contact with Gus and your friends but not run into Brian until now?”

 

“Honestly, I have no idea. I spent the holidays with my mother and sister, so I didn’t really run into him then. I’m pretty sure he straight up avoided me when he was still in Pittsburgh and I would go back to visit everyone. I guess we never were in Toronto at the same time. Or maybe Debbie gave him a heads up. Running into each other strangely never happened until we were both in the most crowded and anonymous city in the world.”

 

“Are you comfortable having dinner with him being there?”

 

“I guess it will be okay. I don’t think he hates me or anything. He’s moved on. I will be cordial with him. There will be a lot of people there anyway so if it gets too uncomfortable, we can always talk to someone else.”

 

“I guess. You inviting him to the art show?”

 

“I’m sorry, what?”

 

“Well you called pretty much everyone coming, besides Drew’s grandparents, to invite them since they will be in town. Someone might bring up how they are all looking forward to it. It might be awkward if you leave just Brian and Eric off the guest list.”

 

Justin is absolutely flabbergasted at what comes out of Nathan’s mouth sometimes. For the last three days, he would act completely okay with meeting Brian one minute and interrogate Justin on Kinney 101 the next. Nathan seemed to be both threatened and drawn to Brian. He did give Brian props on going to prom to sweep Justin off his feet and the whole Stockwell saga. He also admired Brian for paying for Justin’s education and encouraging his art career. But at the same time it seemed as though Nathan felt that he couldn’t compete with someone like that, even though Brian wasn’t in the competition when it came to Justin anymore. So Justin did find it surprising that Nathan would suggest inviting him to the show.

 

“I-I don’t know, Nathan. It is probably the polite thing to do. I could maybe do that?”

 

Luckily, Molly walked out of the bathroom at that point and raised her eyebrow at the tension.

 

“So, what are we talking about?”

 

“Nothing, Mol-”

 

“Justin and I were just talking about how it would be polite to invite Brian and his partner to his art show.”

 

“Oh. Well, that would be an interesting idea.”

 

“I thought so too.”

 

“Nathan, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

 

“Nothing is wrong, Justin. I just made a suggestion.”

 

“You are acting ridiculous!”

 

“Because I suggested you invite someone to your gallery? You are being so defensive and delusional.”

 

“I’m going to take a walk around the block,” Molly muttered as she put her coat on and walked out the door.

 

After the door closed behind her, Nathan and Justin just stared at each other.

 

“I was seriously just making a suggestion, Justin. I am trying to be supportive. I am not trying to fuck with you by giving you some test to pass.”

 

“Okay. I’m sorry. I really am. I will admit that this is weird for me. I know I am being too defensive about it.”

 

Nathan walked over to Justin and gently grabbed him by the tie.

 

“You may be the first person I ever loved in my life, but I understand the situation enough. Brian was your first. He had a huge part of your life, things ended badly and abruptly, and suddenly he is back in your life after several years. Part of you will always love him. I get it. I have interrogated you enough the last few days to try to understand the guy. I have been a bit petulant with the way I have been acting, and I’m sorry for that. I really do want to be supportive and I was trying to show that by suggesting you invite him to your show.”

 

Nathan bent down a little to kiss him on the mouth, then turned around to look in the full-length mirror.

 

“So Taylor, how do I look? Dashing? Ridiculous?”

 

Justin turned him back around and looked at Nathan from head to toe.

 

“Beautiful.”

 

“Really?”

 

The exchange started to give Justin severe déjà vu so he kissed Nathan with all the passion he could muster. Things started to heat up and Justin was just about to undo Nathan’s tie again but Nathan stopped him by giving him a gentle push on the shoulder.

 

“Molly left because we were arguing. I don’t want her walking in on our hot makeup sex. Besides, your mom will be here in about twenty minutes.” Nathan looked down at their crotches and saw they were already both a little hard. “Damn. Help me think of something disgusting.”

 

“A woman getting pieces of skin out of her teeth?”

 

“Please, that is so four days ago.”

 

“An elderly woman mastur-”

 

“Stop. I don’t want you to finish that sentence.”

 

They hear a knock on the door and both turn their heads towards the sound. Molly raises her voice with a, “I’m coming in now because it is fucking cold outside and you both better be dressed!” and used her key to get in.

 

She looked at both of them to inspect how much she had cock blocked. Not being able to truly tell but having an instinctual feeling that she did in fact cock block her older brother, she felt satisfied and went to lounge on the couch.

 

“I wish mom and Tucker would get here already. You both are making things so awkward.”

 

Justin just looked at her. Molly was never one to bite her tongue.

 

“So, brother of mine, have they texted saying they were on their way yet?”

 

“Yeah. They texted while you were in the bathroom.”

 

“Good. Because I am starving. All I had was cereal.”

 

“We are still exchanging gifts here with mom. Dinner probably won’t be ready until 6 at least. You might want to snack on something else.”

 

As Molly became quite content with the package of cinnamon Pop-Tarts she was holding, they heard the buzzer ring. Justin saw from the camera that it was his mother and Tucker so he let them up. Nathan instantly became straight laced and stiff as his mother walked through the door and Justin rolled his eyes. Nathan wasn’t the type to become easily nervous around just one person, but Jennifer Taylor was an exception to that rule. He wanted her to like him. The thing was, his mother did like Nathan. She felt protective of him since he lost his parents so young and didn’t have any family to speak of. Justin hadn’t told her all of the details, but she had witnessed him have a minor flashback one of the few times she had met him and her heart had ached for him. She just had made it known to Justin that she thought they were an odd match for each other. He never would tell Nathan that though. He didn’t want to put that on him.

 

“Hi, sweetie! Merry Christmas.” His mother told him as she walked through the door and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She walked over to Molly and Nathan to do the same.

 

They sat down to exchange gifts. Along with painting them artwork and having it sent back to their respective homes, he had also written Molly a check as well as his mother and Tucker an even larger one. They didn’t want to accept it but he refused to take it back. He had also gotten Molly a New York Pass with tickets for museums and free meals at restaurants that were good for a year. He got his mother a membership at a spa up in Connecticut and Tucker sweater that he had bought on Madison Ave because in all honesty he didn’t know what else to get Tucker. Nathan had bought Molly a book by Stephen Hawking and his mother a nice bracelet. Nathan had asked Justin what Tucker would even want and Justin had been almost as clueless as he was but told Nathan he didn’t have to worry about it. Nathan decided to get him a gift card from Amazon, so Tucker could just get himself something he wanted.

 

His mother and Tucker had gotten him a gift card to his favorite art supplies store plus some clothes his mother thought he would like. They gave Nathan Just Kids by Patti Smith and a new jacket. Molly had given Nathan original records she found at an independent music store and Justin two tickets to one of the shows Off-Broadway he kept saying he wanted to see but hadn’t yet. And of course, his mother showered her youngest with necklaces, new dresses, and a new petticoat. They killed time with conversation and before they knew it, it was 3 pm. Justin started to feel nervous as he got ready to go. He kept telling himself it would be alright, but he felt as though he were in for a long and eventful night.

Justin leads the way out of the PATH Station in Hoboken. He thought he was okay with this. In a way he is. Lunch went fine just a few days before and that was a more intimate setting where Justin didn’t even have any allies. Brian may not even talk to him tonight. There will be plenty of people in his life there that are much more important to Brian than Justin is now. There are people who Justin is excited to see and even though those people are also friends with Brian, it will be fine. Even though Nathan is coming along and that means he and Brian will be in the same room, it will still be fine.

 

“Justin!”

 

“What?”

 

“Sweetheart, I have been trying to get your attention.”

 

“Sorry. Just thinking.”

 

Molly scoffs at that and Nathan stays silent. Justin doesn’t think Tucker knows the potential awkwardness of the situation.

 

“I was just asking you how many people are going to be there.”

 

“I don’t know, Mom. Twenty?”

“That’s a nice turnout. I really am looking forward to seeing Brian.” His mother gives a quick glance over at Nathan. “Because it has been so long and I grew fond of him. I saw him every so often while he was in Pittsburgh. I even asked him to lunch once.”

 

“You what?”

 

“It was a friendly gesture, Justin. Just to catch up. It was nice. I haven’t seen or heard from him since he moved though.”

 

Justin looks at Molly to see if she knows anything about this but she is looking away from him and twirling her hair and Nathan has an expression on his face that Justin won’t even try to begin to read.

 

“It wasn’t a big deal. I don’t know why I am bringing it up. I wish Debbie was coming in. We only get to see each other when she gets to come in and stay at Emmett’s to see one of your shows in the city. I talk to her usually at least once a month, but I hadn’t asked what her plans were. Is she feeling alright? Michael and his family are coming in.”

 

“She’s fine, Mom. She and Carl are spending Christmas with his daughter and her family this year. They live in Utah.”

 

“That should be nice. I am disappointed that I won’t see her though. I miss her. She has been a good friend.”

 

“I’m sure you will find someone to talk to.”

 

Justin stops his guests and shows them where Emmett’s townhouse is. They cross the street at the park and walk up the stoop steps. Justin takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. Milliseconds later, he hears deep barks and nails against polished wooden floors.

 

“Stella! Hey Stella! Get back, sweetheart! Be a good girl!”

 

Emmett opens the door with an extremely welcoming grin, one that only Emmett can pull off without coming off as too enthusiastic.

 

“Merry Christmas, everyone! I am so glad you could make it to my little feast. Come in, come in! Stella, sweetheart, sit! This is Stella. Justin has had the pleasure of meeting her, of course, but she loves meeting new people. She is quite friendly. Let me take your coats and you can go into the parlor and get yourselves comfortable.”

 

“Emmett, are you going to let us get a word in edgewise?”

 

Emmett realizes that he is babbling and stops to look at Justin. Justin smiles at him and gives him a hug.

 

“Merry Christmas, Emmett.”

 

“Oh, yes! It is a wonderful Christmas. It would be perfect if Teddy and Debbie could’ve made it but so many of the people who I truly love are here…” Emmett starts to trail off and get misty eyed, “Oh, don’t mind me! The holidays bring out the true queen in me.”

 

With that, Emmett walks down the hall and leaves them in the foyer.

 

“Is he always like that? He seemed a bit more…calm when I met him.” Nathan whispers to him, slightly nervous.

 

“He does seem a bit more Emmetty than usual, I will give you that,” Justin mutters back.

 

His mother looks at Stella oddly, then turns to Justin.

 

“When you mentioned Emmett had a dog, I didn’t imagine he would have…”

 

“A Bull Mastiff? I don’t think Emmett imagined it either. I am pretty sure he compromised with Drew and let him pick the breed while Emmett got to pick a name from A Streetcar Named Desire.”

 

“Well, that would explain it.”

 

“She is a sweetheart though,” Justin tells them as he scratches Stella behind the ears, “Aren’t you, Stella?”

 

Just as Justin finishes petting Stella, Emmett reappears with a, “I thought you all were behind me! Justin, you know your way around. Everyone is in the parlor.”

 

“Fuck,” Justin thinks to himself. He told himself he was going to be fine. He will be fine. That is such bullshit, this is so weird. He had to be around Eric and Brian as a couple for an hour and a half tops. Emmett expects them to stay here for several hours. He is going to have to mingle with them. Nathan is here and he will be expected to introduce him to Brian. He is so fucked.

 

“Look who’s here, everyone!”

 

As Justin turned the corner, he was greeted faces he hadn’t seen in the same room in years. Those faces held the most mixed emotions Justin had probably ever witnessed, as they greeted him all too enthusiastically while sneaking not so subtle glances in Brian’s direction. And then from all the way across the room, there was Brian himself, who completely poker-faced. Eric gave Justin a kind smile and a nod, then looked back over to his partner with a sympathetic glance and a pat on the leg. Brian broke eye contact with Justin and gave Eric a reassuring look to let him know that he was alright. Just as Justin was about to greet the group, a fourteen year old boy about his height was suddenly in front of him.

 

“Hey, Justin.”

 

Jesus, Gus was growing. He already had an inch on him and Justin was sure he would get as tall as his dad. He was looking so much like him, it was insane.

“Hey, Gus.”

 

Suddenly, Gus is hugging him and Justin hugs him back without hesitation. Over Gus’s shoulder, he can see Brian looking down at his feet and Eric pointedly ignoring the exchange as well. Everyone else in the room including Lily, who looks curious over the exchange, stays silent until Justin breaks the embrace.

 

“You’ve grown since the last time I saw you. At least four inches since August.”

 

“Just about. I’ve missed you.”

 

“You too, buddy.”

 

Gus walks across the room to stand next to his dad. He gives Brian a questioning look and Brian just pats him on the shoulder, letting him know that it’s all good. Just as Michael and Ben go over to Justin to greet him and Justin is about to introduce Nathan to the people he hasn’t met, he sees Brian walk over to his mother.

 

They are a little too far for Justin to make out what they are saying to each other, but his mother looks happy and emotional and reaches up to hug Brian around his neck. Lily, who has a hold of Brian’s leg, gets lifted up by him and introduced to Jennifer. While he can’t really hear what Brian and his mom are saying, he can hear Lily’s animated voice talking about what she got for Christmas.

 

“Hi, I’m Nathan. It’s really nice to meet you.”

 

Justin turns his head and sees that Nathan has taken it upon himself to introduce himself to Ben and Michael since Justin seems to have forgotten to do it. He really wishes he had horse blinders right now because he can’t even focus on one common task for more than five seconds before wondering what his mother and Brian are talking about, now joined by Molly. Brian does a double take when he sees her and he is pretty sure he hasn’t seen Molly since their rehearsal dinner.

 

“Justin?”

 

God damn it.

 

“Hey, sorry. You never got to meet Nathan, did you?”

 

Michael smiles at him, sort of confused. “We just did.”

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

There is a bout of uncomfortable silence, then Ben speaks to Nathan.

 

“So Nathan, I heard that you were a musician.”

 

“Um, yeah. I’m in a band. We do okay, but we aren’t well known or anything.”

 

“Nathan also writes music for television.”

 

“That’s really cool! What shows have you written for?”

 

“Mostly shows filmed locally. I get some pilots here and there. Some shows get picked up and get longer run times than others. I mainly get commercial work.”

 

Michael’s eyes light up at that. “Oh, Brian is in advertising. Are you contracted by a certain agency that we may have heard of?”

 

“No. I mean, I have a talent agent, but I get hired as a freelance musician by different companies he sends my resume and work samples to. Usually they are short-term or open contracts.”

 

“I don’t know much about it, to be honest. I think Brian-”

 

Justin decides to cut in to change the subject. “Hey, Michael? Did I ever tell you that Nathan did the music for Squirrel Girl last year?”

 

Nathan goes red at that. Justin sort of feels bad, but Nathan doesn’t know how many points that will score with Michael.

 

“You did the music for Squirrel Girl? You wrote the theme song too?” Michael says, with admiration in his voice.

 

“Uh, yeah. But it got canceled after ten episodes, so it isn’t that big of a deal.”

 

Michael puts a hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “Don’t ever say that! I really think that Squirrel Girl never got the chance it deserved. Despite being a really obscure character in the Marvel Universe and only making a limited number of appearances, she was always really kick-ass. I was over the moon when they announced they were making animated series that revolved around her. It was a really great addition to the Saturday morning cartoon line-up. JR loved it and I have a few of the issues that feature her at my shop in Toronto. And, just for the record, the score was awesome. The theme song, how did it go?” And then, probably to Nathan’s horror, Michael began to sing.

 

”Who’s that nut with a tail on her butt?
It’s Squirrel Girl, Squirrel Girl!
Watch out for her sidekick or you’ll get cut-”

 

Alright, Justin feels more than sort of bad now. He knows how many times Nathan had to rewrite that song to make it appeal to the targeted eight year old audience. He also knows how much he hated the version that the show runners loved the most.

 

“Hey, Michael? I’m going to introduce Nathan to everyone else.”

 

“Okay, Justin. But come talk to me later. I have to speak to you about something important.”

 

Justin raises a questioning eyebrow but says nothing else as he leads Nathan away from Michael and Ben. Nathan looks around to see if anyone heard Michael’s rendition of Squirrel Girl, but they all seem to be engaged in conversations of their own. Justin will introduce Nathan to Brian. He will. But there are other people who haven’t met Nathan yet. Hunter hasn’t. Mel-no Mel met him briefly at one of Justin’s shows last year. The kids met him with Lindsay. So only Hunter, Brian, Eric, and Lily. And Drew’s grandparents and Cynthia. But Justin hasn’t even met Drew’s grandparents so why would they care? They are just sitting on the loveseat nodding along and pretending like they can hear what is being said to them anyway. It would probably be weird to introduce Nathan to Cynthia before introducing him to Brian. Seriously, where are Emmett and Drew? Do they expect Stella to be the hostess? It doesn’t matter. He can do this. Brian didn’t have a problem introducing him to Eric, so why should this be any different? He will just make his way across the room to introduce Nathan and Hunter is closer, so it just makes sense.

 

Justin approaches Hunter, who is standing a few feet away from him and talking to Mel and Lindsay. He can work his courage up this way. Hunter sees him and greets him with an eloquent, “Sup, man?”

 

“Hey, Hunter. How have you been?”

 

“Good, good. L.A. has been awesome.” Hunter tells him.

 

“Yeah, I enjoyed my time there a lot. You're working on Teen Wolf, right?”

 

“Yeah, man. I really like it. I dig the show too, surprisingly. Sort of has the style of a modern Buffy, but with a little bit of Japanese influences going on.” Hunter says.

 

"Yeah, I caught an episode of it and then started watching it this season," Justin tells him, "It's really well done."

 

As if they have a psychic ability to know where there is an opportunity to boast about their son, Ben and Michael come over with grins on their faces.

 

"Hunter actually is the assistant cinematographer now," Ben boasts.

 

"Even though he should be the head cinematographer since he has more awards than the other guy has" Michael says.

 

Hunter lets out a sigh, "Daniel has a lot of experience in television and television provides a steadier income and lets us switch up our styles depending on the theme and tone of the episode. I want to get more into that medium and Daniel is teaching me a lot. "

 

Maybe it's just Justin, but the way Hunter answers that makes it sound like he's had to explain the situation several times before.

 

"Steadier income?" Michael asks, "You don't need more money. You made-"

 

"Dude!" Hunter says, nudging his father, "It's not polite to talk about salaries."

 

"Oh, so now you decide to start being polite," Michael says while nodding.

 

"If we can't embarrass you and talk about your money, can we at least talk about your Independent Spirit Award?" Justin asks, feigning innocence.

 

“Yes, we were all telling Hunter how proud we were of him,” Lindsay says.

 

“He worked so hard to get where he wanted to be,” Melanie adds, "Climbed that ladder and made it his bitch."

 

“Christ, that was two years ago! And the only reason you guys care about that award is because I had to accept it on national television and try not to cuss." Hunter groans.

 

"Which you failed at doing," Justin gets in before deciding show Hunter mercy by getting the spotlight off of him, "Hunter, I don’t think you have met my boyfriend, Nathan. He works in television sometimes too.”

 

Hunter holds out a hand and Nathan takes it, “Hey, I’m Hunter. I heard you were a musician. That’s cool. I don’t have much of an ear myself. The guys that do the music on the show that I work for really enjoy their jobs though.”

 

“Yeah, it can be fun if you get work on a decent show.”

 

“Yeah, tell me about it. One of my first PA jobs was for Shit My Dad Says.”

 

“I don’t think I ever watched it.”

 

“You weren’t missing out, believe me.”

 

Hunter and Nathan kept talking and were actually hitting it off. He hoped that Hunter could be someone Nathan could have a conversation with in case the night did end up taking a strange turn. He didn’t want to break up their conversation, so he decided to back off and do his own thing for a few minutes.

 

He was going to go find Emmett and see if he needed any help, but he ended up running right into Eric.

 

“Oh I’m sorry, Justin! I didn’t pay attention to where I was going.”

 

Justin noticed that Eric spilled his drink on himself. He felt bad and tried to apologize, but Eric insisted that it was just water and that it was no big deal.

 

“How has your day been, Eric?”

 

“Pretty exhausting, actually. Christmas is fun and rewarding with a kid, but when your daughter is on the go all the time, it can be demanding. On top of all that, Brian woke her up earlier than usual because he was “bored.” I actually have his camera on me because I wanted to show Emmett when I went to help him in the kitchen just now. Want to see?”

 

“Oh, I uh-”

 

Before Justin could say much else, the proud dad pulled out a camera, found the video in question, and pressed play. As Justin watched the video, he felt like he had no idea who this man was anymore. He understood that people changed. He understood that it took some people longer to grow up than others. But this wasn’t the Brian he knew. Brian wouldn’t film his kid waking up at Christmas just to capture the look of pure joy and excitement that occurred. He probably wouldn’t be caught nearly buying out an entire Disney store either, going by the presents in the video.

 

Then again, that wasn’t completely true. Even with this pod person, he could still find the Brian who he had private moments with that were calm and playful. Brian did always try to work at making his friends happy and helping them out with the problems in their lives, even if he covered up why he did it later. He always showed a different side to himself around his son, even though he tried to emotionally distance himself for a while after he signed over his rights. This Brian may not hide his genuine happiness like he used to, but even before this Brian came into fruition Justin remembers seeing the open and unguarded expressions in the early mornings after they settled down from a night out and laid in bed together. He remembers genuine excitement about the wedding, before he began to think he was holding Justin back. This Brian was probably always there, lurking beneath the surface due to being stifled by his upbringing, his anger, his dominant masculinity, and his overall reluctance to expose that side of him because any negativity thrown his way would hurt so much worse. Justin saw the changes. They were changes he had wanted almost the whole time he was with him until they actually started to occur. He remembers being scared that it was Brian putting on a front just to make him happy. He loved Brian both ways, but he couldn’t be a man who was okay with his partner changing almost everything he originally stood for just to make him happy. He had good reason to think that because it was such a change from the Brian everyone else knew. But fronts don’t last for over seven years, do they?

 

“Are you becoming one of those annoying parents who force everyone they see to look at pictures of your child?” a familiar and annoyed voice calls out as the video on the camera finishes.

 

“You are the one who filmed the oh so magical moment.” Eric teases back as he shuts the camera off.

 

As Justin looks up, he sees that Brian is no longer talking to his mother. He had taken it upon himself to introduce himself to Nathan in the corner of the room by the wet bar. Brian walks away from Nathan, leaving him with a pale look of uneasiness on his face, and over to Eric to get his camera back. Eric half-heartedly tries to play keep away with it, but Brian gets it back and stashes it in his pocket. He finally looks in Justin’s direction and acknowledges him.

 

“Justin, pleasure seeing you here.” Brian then grabs Eric by the hand and pulls him away. Justin hears him asking Michael to keep an eye on Lily, and then Brian and Eric are out of the room and up the stairs.

 

Well, that was a change from a few days ago.

 

Justin needs a drink. Because even though Brian hasn’t been a part of his life for several years now, he is still versed just enough in Kinney to read his odd moods. That wasn’t only lust for his partner. That was an attempt to make Justin jealous, maybe even hurt him. In some small way, it is almost a relief to see him indulge his petty side. In a slightly bigger way, Brian’s method sort of worked when it came to the desired effect. But it is more familiar to the Brian he first met. It is almost reassuring to know that Brian is still technically Brian.

 

Justin makes his way over to the bar to mix himself a drink and Nathan is still there staring at Justin with lingering betrayal in his eyes.

 

“You shouldn’t have left me alone, Justin.” Nathan tells him, his voice low enough so only Justin would hear.

 

Justin sighs and replies, “I left you with Hunter. You were having a good conversation. Honestly, I was just going to go see if Emmett needed help in the kitchen but I ran into Eric and he showed me a video of Lily.”

 

“Well, while you were watching home videos, your ex-fiance took me to the side so he could interrogate me.”

 

“What? No, he didn’t.”

 

“He did. I thought it was going to be fine. He seemed a little high and mighty when he introduced himself, but okay enough. But then he kept asking questions about us and then just about me. I’m pretty sure he was judging everything that came out of my mouth. He did seem a little pissed that you’re dating a guy who got hired by one of his competitors to write the Arm & Hammer jingle though. So that was nice.”

 

“Was he a total asshole to you?”

 

“Well...no. He was just...I don’t know, invasive and a little rude.”

 

“Look, just count your blessings. Because he can be a real asshole when he feels like it. He is charismatic and really intimidating. He can be brash and really frank when it comes down to it. He can also be the most generous person in the world. But then he will just shut you out before you can blink…” Justin trails off at Nathan’s suspicious expression. “Look, if he starts being an asshole to you I’ll talk to him, alright?”

 

“You have barely said a word to him in years. How much of an effect can you have on the guy?”

 

Justin tries to answer that but he honestly can’t. “Just ignore him then, okay? He hates that.”

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“I don’t...think...that Emmett...and Drew...would like us fucking in their guest...oh, fuck…” Eric moans out as Brian pounds into him from behind.

 

“Needed to...fuck your tight...little...ass!” Brian enunciates through his hard rhythmic thrusts.

 

“Oh god, Brian harder! Fuck me harder!”

 

Brian obliges and works up a quicker and more punishing rhythm. He is feeling close, so he reaches around Eric’s waist and starts to jerk his cock in time with his thrusts. As he feels Eric’s cum coat his fingers, he lets go of his orgasm as well. He collapses on Eric’s back due to the high and when he comes down from it, he gently pulls out of his partner and lays on the bed next to him.

 

Eric, still panting, says, “Don’t get me wrong, I love spontaneous sex almost as much as you do, but where did that come from?”

 

Brian shrugs with the reply, “I was horny.”

 

“It didn’t have to do with wanting to get away from certain guests downstairs?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Okay, because you weren’t dismissive with Justin or anything.”

 

“I thought I was quite friendly.”

 

“Of course you did.”

 

Brian is silent and stares at the ceiling while Eric is on his side and staring at Brian.

 

“Brian, everything seemed fine this morning. You were actually in a really good mood, if I remember correctly. Hell, things even weren’t so bad when we had lunch with Justin. But today, you left that Nathan kid looking as intimidated as one of your new interns and practically acted as though Justin wasn’t there.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

As soon as Brian thinks the conversation might be over, Eric goes on to say, “Are you jealous or something?”

 

Brian can only sneer with a reply of “You know I don’t do jealous.”

 

“I know that’s what you usually say. Apparently you also used to say that you didn’t do love or relationships. You did that with Justin. And you did that with me.”

 

When Brian says nothing, Eric continues.

 

“You have become more and more open with me these past few years. I know you have your days where you pull away, take a few steps back, and act like a fucking dick, but days those have been farther apart lately. So talk to me.”

 

“It’s nothing. I promise you, it’s nothing. It was just me fucking with the new guy.”

 

“And Justin?”

 

“I said it was nice to see him. Listen, can we just drop the subject?”

 

“But you seemed fine this morning. You were happy.”

 

“I am happy.”

 

“Well, you are being really sassy.”

 

“Sassy, Eric? Really?”

 

“Brian, in all honesty, you are probably the sassiest stud I have ever met.” Eric huffed as he got up and put his clothes back on, “Help me straighten up the bed.”

 

“Flattening out the wrinkles in the comforter won’t get your cum stain out of it.”

“Damn it, we should have fucked in the bathroom.”

 

“Too late now. Maybe after dinner.”

 

After Brian gets his clothes back on, he walks around the bed and puts his arms around Eric’s waist. He nibbles his ear and kisses down his neck and shoulder, only to try to sneak a hand down Eric’s pants. Eric reluctantly swats his hand away.

 

“Stop. We are going downstairs. We have been up here for twenty minutes already.”

 

“Dinner won’t be ready for another hour.”

 

“We are supposed to be spending time with our friends.”

 

“They can wait.”

 

“It’s Christmas, Brian. Your kids are downstairs.”

 

That gets Brian to give up for now. He turns Eric around to face him, puts his hands on Eric’s cheeks, and kisses him. He ends the kiss but keeps Eric’s face in his hands.

 

“I want to tell everyone tonight.”

 

“Tell everyone?” Eric stops to think of what Brian is saying and his eyes light up in recognition. “You mean-”

 

“I want to announce that we’re engaged.”

 

“Brian, are you sure? I mean, Debbie isn’t here and she is like a mother to you. Ted and Blake aren’t here either and don’t try to say that it doesn’t matter, Kinney, I know you better than that.”

 

Brian lets out an aggravated sigh.

 

“We have all lived in different cities for years, Eric. As disappointing as it may be, it might be a long time before we get this many people under the same roof with us again. It is a good of a time as any.”

 

“This doesn’t have anything to do with Justin being here, does it?”

 

“No. This has to do with telling the people who I consider my family that an important thing that has happened to me. I want them to know.”

 

“Alright.” Eric says right before he gives him another kiss. “If you’re sure.”

 

“I have never been more sure about anything.”

 

As they head out into the hallway, the door opens from across the hall. Drew comes out and stands in the doorway. Behind him, the room is newly decorated with sky colored walls, a galaxy rug, a spaceship bed, and toy trucks and dinosaurs on top of the bookshelves. Drew clears his throat and looks to see if there are any more people close by.

 

“…Emmett wants to keep this quiet until dinner. I won’t say anything if you won’t.”

 

After that, Drew heads back downstairs. Brian didn’t believe him, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t like they were subtle when they snuck away. Eric nudges Brian and is grinning with excitement. Brian just shrugs and follows Drew.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Hello, Emmy Lou. Do you require my assistance?”

 

Emmett turns his head to see Brian leaning on the counter next to him. He is pretty sure Brian is not serious about helping. But maybe he’s wrong because Hunter, who literally just walked into the kitchen, is told to “kindly fuck off for ten minutes, will you?”

 

“I know you don’t really want to help me with dinner, Brian.”

 

“Good guess. I already had to cook breakfast. Helping you would be overdoing it.”

 

Despite what Brian just said, he picks up a knife and starts cutting up an apple for the fruit salad.

 

“I also know you fucked Eric in one of the upstairs guest rooms.”

 

“What a surprisingly accurate claim! Did you keep in touch with Mysterious Marilyn once you moved out of the Pitts?”

 

“Mysterious Marilyn, Drew Boyd. Where does one stop and the other begin?”

 

“It is a philosophical question that we all must think of at one point in our lives.”

 

“And I know you know about the room across from the guest bedroom.”

 

“I did catch a glimpse of it.”

 

Silence.

 

Of course that is all Brian Kinney will give him.

 

“So, are you curious as to what is going on?”

 

“It is pretty self-explanatory, isn’t it? You are having a kid. Adopting, specifically. A boy, age ranges from 2 to 5.”

 

“Did you keep in touch with Mysterious Marilyn?”

 

Brian just raises an eyebrow and smirks but keeps on cutting.

 

“I’m so scared, Brian.”

 

“I know.”

 

Emmett looks around and makes sure nobody is coming in. He goes over and closes the door to the kitchen for precaution and then goes over to check the casseroles and the ham in the oven.

 

“We were going to adopt a baby, you know. Get approved by an agency and an expecting mother. We waited for months and months and got close last year. I didn’t want to tell any of you until it was an absolutely sure thing. Weird, right? Me, not getting overwhelmed with excitement and telling everyone as soon as we found out? I was just so scared that it would fall through. Turns out I was right. We got approved while the mother was already eight months along. I had one month to get excited and plan, but when she got here, the mother changed her mind. She fell hard for her daughter.”

 

Brian just nods for him to continue and for some reason Emmett can’t shut up.

 

“It is harder to get approved as a gay couple. A lot of expecting parents want a mother and a father to raise a baby. But Drew and I are really stable. We have a wonderful home. He has celebrity status. I know that eventually we could probably have a newborn if that is what we really want.”

 

“But it isn’t.”

 

Emmett shook his head. “At the end of July, Drew started volunteering at an organization in the city where children in foster homes go to meet and play with other foster children in their age groups on the weekends. They have indoor and outdoor activities. They’ll go to a park, sometimes to museums. It is a really good program. And you know that Drew is still a popular player and, of course, the kids went nuts for him. After two weekends of having so much fun, he easily convinced me that I should volunteer with him on the days I didn’t have an early event to plan for a client. I mainly just got meals together and read to the younger kids, but I loved doing it too. It was there we met Duncan.”

Emmett takes a deep breath.

 

“Duncan is only three but you may never meet another little boy who is more filled with life. He is so adorable. He has this perfect little round face, soulful brown eyes, the biggest smile, and the cutest dimples to top it off. He has been handed the shit end of the stick so many times in his short life, but he doesn’t let that get to him. He is playful and likes to tumble around. He loves trucks, trains, rocket ships, and he likes to pretend he is a dinosaur. He loves football and Drew became his hero the first time he laid eyes on him. He is definitely one butch little boy.”

 

“I had seen Duncan essentially acting as Drew’s shadow and had read to him during story time. When Drew came to me two months ago and asked if I would consider adopting a three year old instead of a newborn, I knew he was talking about Duncan. But I didn’t know Duncan like Drew did. So I made a point of trying to get to know him.”

 

Emmett laughs a little at this point, because it is so strange that he is unloading this on Brian Kinney of all people.

 

“The agency that handles Duncan’s case set it up so that Drew and I could go visit him in his foster home. They like to introduce a child to potential parents and have visits for at least a month or so to make sure everyone gets used to each other. His foster mother and father already had four other foster kids under their roof, two of them being younger than Duncan. It wasn’t possible for them to adopt Duncan, especially since they were adopting the oldest child and her baby sister already. So they were happy someone was interested in adopting him.”

 

“I knew right away Duncan and I will probably never have anything in common. But he is so sweet that I didn’t really care. He laughed when I couldn’t catch the football that Drewsie threw at me but it was a laugh that was in such good spirits that I was laughing along right with him. I started visiting him as much as I was allowed because I missed him so much on the days I didn’t see him. We even went to spend Christmas Eve with him and gave him and the rest of the kids he’s living with some presents. And, even though I don’t know anything about cars or trains or dinosaurs, he still wants to sit in my lap and fall asleep in my arms as I read a story to him and cries when I leave. He doesn’t even move in until the first week of January and he has already become the most important person in my life.”

 

Surprisingly, Brian is still there listening to all this and he clears his throat. “That tends to be how it works. It’s scary. I get it. But things sound promising. What’s the problem?”

 

Emmett sighs. He might as well say it if he has said this much already.

 

“It’s just that…he’s three. He is essentially just a baby who has been passed around to different foster homes for over a year. He is going to like anyone who shows him a little bit of love and attention, even if that person is completely different from him. What if-” Emmett breaks off and wipes his eyes, “What if this rough and tumble little boy grows into a young man who loves sports and cars and probably women and becomes so ashamed to have a dad like me?”

 

Emmett knows it is probably a hard fear for other people to grasp. He has always taken pride in who he is, so this vulnerability he has usually comes as a surprise. But he grew up with a father who was ashamed of him and brothers who absolutely hated him. They had known how different he was and were probably elated when Emmett ran away from Mississippi and never came back. He never felt masculine enough to father any child properly, let alone a son like Duncan. He hadn’t even considered it until somewhat recently because of those feelings.

 

“Well, for what it’s worth...”

 

Emmett prepares himself for one of Brian’s insults that end up being encouraging. Or one of Brian’s encouragements that end up being insulting.

 

“I think you’ll be a great father.”

 

He knew he would say someth-

 

Wait, what did he say?

 

“As long as you are good to him and try your best, he’s going to love you. Yeah, kids are hard but at the same time they aren’t. You don’t have to change every interest you have just to appease them. As long as you are spending time with them and you are encouraging them, they will appreciate you. Besides, no father creates a child’s dream room with everything his son likes for his own benefit. So don’t worry about not being a good father just because you like to put on a feather boa once in a while.”

 

Before Emmett can say anything, Brian continues.

 

“And hey, maybe you will rub off on each other. I mean, I knew shit about Disney Princesses and now look at me. I know all the words to every fucking song on that goddamn Frozen Soundtrack. I even have a playlist on my phone to have on hand in the car for Lily. By the way, I think your casserole is burning.”

 

Ending on that note, Brian pats him on the shoulder and walks out of his kitchen.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian goes back to join the rest of the guests and freezes when he sees Justin and Nathan with Eric and Lily. Justin is squatting down so he is eye level with Lily as he hands her a wrapped package from his messenger bag. Brian can already tell it is a framed picture before Lily gets the wrapping paper off. Brian walks over to get a look at it. Of course Justin painted a princess in a castle to give to his kid. And to top it all off, he threw in a unicorn. He can tell that it was something Justin did within the last couple of days. As if seeing The Lion King on Broadway twice and having that sunshiney smile didn’t already make her like him.

 

Upon seeing the painting he made for her, Lily, in her always subtle demeanor, takes in a giant breath of surprise and hugs her new present while she squeals and jumps up and down. Over and over.

 

“Thank you thank you thank you! This is one of the best presents in the whole world! I will keep it forever and ever and hang it on my wall and look at her and tell her goodnight before I go to sleep and say good morning to her when I wake up and name the unicorn Chico-”

 

Eric puts his hands on Lily’s shoulders to keep her in place. “Lily, honey, I think he gets it.”

 

“Chico?” Brian asks, amused.

 

“After JR’s dead hamster, Daddy.” his daughter informs him as she bows her head slightly, probably recalling the tragic loss.

 

“Justin, it’s so nice of you to take the time to do this. She really does love stuff like this. You didn’t have to.” Eric tells Justin sincerely as Justin stands back up.

 

“I went out to buy Gus and JR presents when I found out they were coming and I didn’t want her to feel left out. I figured you and Brian had gotten her plenty of toys so I just painted her something. I wish I would have had more time to make it look a bit nicer.”

 

“If this is your work rushed, then I am sure the rest of your paintings are absolutely incredible.”

 

Thank god Eric hadn’t mentioned the painting of Justin’s they did have. Brian doesn’t think he could live that down.

 

“You know, a few of his paintings are going to be up for auction at the New Year’s Eve exhibit at his gallery.”

 

Justin turned his head to look at Nathan with a subtle expression that Brian intimately knew as, “Please shut the fuck up.”

 

“I’m sure they will get high bids.” Eric says.

 

“Justin, did you get around to asking Eric and Brian if they wanted to come?”

 

Brian didn’t know Nathan nearly as well, so he couldn’t read what exactly was going on with him. But he knew people in general enough to know that this inquiry probably stemmed from an earlier argument and he was just being petulant.

 

“Nathan, it’s short notice. I’m sure they have plans.”

 

“Everyone else here switched their plans around so they could come. I don’t see what the big deal is in asking.”

 

“Well, Brian’s assistant offered to watch Lily since she has a daughter just a couple of years older and we had plans to go out-”

 

“But we can always go clubbing another time.”

 

Eric looks at Brian in surprise. And then Brian, for only the second time that day, looks Justin directly in the eyes.

 

“We would love to come to your little party. If we are invited, of course. Nathan wants us to come. Do you not want us to come, Justin?”

 

Justin seems to be struggling for words, which Brian is sort of pleased about. However, he keeps eye contact with Brian and says,

 

“Of course you can come. 164 Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg. Take the L from Union Square.”

 

“I’m sure it won’t be too hard to find.” Brian says as he wraps an arm around Eric’s waist.

 

“Great, then I will see you there.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Fine.”

 

Brian considers saying “fine” again, so it is probably for the best that Michael steps in to try to break the tension.

 

“Oh wow! That’s a really pretty painting, Lily!”

 

“Thank you, Justin painted it for me. It’s so beautiful.”

 

“It sure is. Speaking of art, can I talk to you for a second, Justin?”

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As Justin gets led away from Brian, Eric, Nathan, and Lily by Michael, he looks back one more time to find Brian staring back in his direction. Brian has one of those expressions on his face that makes him look like he is five seconds away from sticking his tongue out at him. Honestly, going by today, he wouldn’t be surprised if he actually did. He doesn’t know what he did today to deserve to be a target for Brian’s mood swings, but it isn’t like this is the first time.

 

He doesn’t know where Michael is pulling him until he ends up in the bathroom. Justin looks around at his surroundings.

 

“So what did you need to talk to me about that required the presence of a toilet?”

 

“You know, you are all so fucking confusing.”

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“First, you and Brian break it off and don’t speak for seven years. And then you both run into each other on the street and decide to have lunch together, which is whatever, that’s your business. When I talked to Eric, he says that you all got along and that Brian, while he was a bit nervous, seemed to get through the meal okay too. We all thought that maybe we could all move past this and not have to censor what we say about one of you to the other. Especially mentioning what were up to in New York to Brian. We thought that we could start inviting you up to Toronto for the holidays instead of inviting you at odd times of the year. At the very least, we assumed everything would be fine for tonight but then Lindsay overheard Brian initiating a proverbial pissing contest with Nathan. But then Nathan goes ahead and invites Eric and Brian to your exhibit. I don’t know Nathan, but he came off a little as the jealous type so I was a bit surprised by that. And then there’s Eric, who has a patience that has to rival Ben’s, but even he was getting a little aggravated with your exchange with Brian just now.”

 

“Michael, what’s your point? Brian going off and having proverbial pissing contests and Brian being an ass are nothing new.”

 

“My point is that you both need to get over this shit and move on with your lives. Just put what you had behind you. You both have been avoiding each other but then you can’t concentrate on anything once Brian moves into your line of vision and you’re right, Brian has been acting like an asshole. And the thing is, he hasn’t acted like one in a long time. At least not around Eric. He can still throw out the underhanded insults, but he has calmed down with it a lot over the years. Eric makes him so happy, Justin. I was under the impression that Nathan made you happy too but what happened out there, as minor as it may have been, did not make Nathan or Eric very happy at all.

 

“Is that all you wanted to talk to me about, Michael?”

 

“Come on, Justin, don’t be upset.”

 

Justin takes a deep breath and takes his palm away from his eyes.

 

“Michael, I’m not upset, I’m just frustrated that I am the one being lectured here. I am trying. I painted his daughter a picture. I have had a few conversations with Eric. And fuck, I don’t want Eric to feel uncomfortable. Brian did a good job when it came to choosing him. He seems like a really great guy. And with Nathan, I know I made him feel uncomfortable by only giving him half my attention tonight. I feel bad about it. No doubt he will point it out once we leave. I would like to be friends with Brian again. I’ve missed him. But he has barely looked at me all night and probably just accepted Nathan’s invitation to make him, or to make me, feel uncomfortable. Smug bastard.”

 

Michael really looks at him at this point.

 

“Deep down, Brian will still be Brian, won’t he? If he can’t fuck the elephant in the room, then he will just avoid it. I didn’t mean to upset you, Justin. But you and Brian haven’t been exactly subtle today. I know he has been worse than you since he apparently grilled Nathan on everything from whether he was a bottom or a top, to if you paid for everything, and even on his birth year. I probably should have saved the lecture for him or not given one at all.”

 

“No. No, I know that conversation back there took a weird turn that Nathan probably wasn’t expecting. I’ll apologize to him. Fuck, I was kind of looking forward to seeing Brian tonight because I thought I might get to know him again and have him in my life, even though I was nervous about introducing him to Nathan. Stupid of me, right?”

 

“No, Justin. It’s not stupid.”

 

“We better go back out.”

 

“I actually do have something I need to talk to you about.”

 

Justin gapes, “You mean that lighthearted conversation we just had didn’t take care of that?”

 

“Nope. I got contacted by Red Giant Comics. They want to reprint the existing comics of Rage and reboot the series. With gay marriage legal in two-thirds of the U.S. and more allies than ever, they think that it could be a huge hit. They aren’t wanting to buy the creative rights or anything. We would make a good percentage of what they make off of Rage in any media platform. They just want the rights to publish and produce what we come up with or give the okay on. They want the two original creators on board. We could work mostly from home on the comics and meet them occasionally for meetings on where to go next. I told them I had to talk to you.”

 

“It sounds great, Michael. But I haven’t done anything like that in years. And Rage…”

 

“I know. But will you just think about it? Please? I understand if you don’t want to, but Ben and I could really use the money.”

 

“Okay. I’ll think on it.”

 

“That’s all I ask.”

 

Justin and Michael head out of the bathroom and bump straight into Emmett.

 

“What were you both doing in there? Did you both make a pact to go to the bathroom together always and forever?”

 

Michael and Justin both just shook their heads no.

 

“Alright...Well, I was just going to get assistance from our other guests. I need help carrying everything out to the dining room.”

 

Michael and Justin head to the kitchen and are floored by the amount of food Emmett has covering the counters. Emmett walks back in and they stare at him. “What?”

 

“There aren’t THAT many of us, Emmett. You didn’t have to overdo yourself like this.”

 

“Well, Michael, maybe you wouldn’t be surprised by how much food I was making if you had come in to help me once in a while like most of the others did.”

 

“You lived with me! You know how useless I am in the kitchen!”

 

“Hmmm...That’s true. I suppose I should thank you. You go ahead and grab the cranberries and Justin, you get the mac & cheese casserole.”

 

The three of them carried dishes into the dining room and put them down where Emmett told them to. The table was already set, so they went back to get more food, but everyone else had already grabbed something so they just turned around and followed them. When all the food was down on the table, Justin went to stand next to Nathan and reached over to grab his hand. Nathan just pulled it away which sort of hurt. But then, to Justin’s surprise, Nathan reached back over to take Justin’s hand and pulled him over to two of the chairs set around the very large table. His mother sat next to him on his right and Tucker was next to her. Molly went to sit by Nathan and across from Hunter and soon everyone had figured out where to sit. Brian, Eric, and Cynthia were sitting on the other side of the table and to Justin’s right and for some reason Emmett had a booster seat that Lily could sit in. To Justin’s relief, they weren’t close enough to really have an easy conversation with. When Emmett saw that everyone was sitting down before he cleared his throat to speak.

 

“I just would like to say a few things, being Miss Hostess of the evening and all. Oh, look at this. We never get to use this table. Drew, look how nice everyone looks sitting here! Now, I know it’s not Thanksgiving, but I just wanted to say how grateful I am to see you all here. It means the world to me that you came out to spend Christmas in our home. Brian, Eric, Lily, I am so glad you have moved so close by. Don’t let anyone tell you Jersey is too far away, because it’s not and you can come out to visit any time.”

 

“As all of you may have noticed, there are sealed envelopes on your plates. I haven’t designed a dinner theater game, although that would be so much fun so let’s keep that in mind for next year! It is just a small gift you to put on your fridge or in your albums. Go on, open them!”

 

Justin, like everyone else at the table, opens his envelope to find a picture of a small African-American boy with Emmett and Drew squatting beside him. The boy has his arms around their necks with a huge smile on his face and Emmett and Drew look just as happy. Everyone looks up, except for Brian, who keeps looking at the picture with a small smile. Lindsay ends up breaking the silence first.

 

“Emmett? Drew? ...Are you?”

 

“I gave you that because I want you all to have a picture of our son.”

 

Everyone around the table gets so excited and emotional. Justin thinks he even sees a tear in Drew’s eye. He glances over at Brian and sees that, while he looks happy enough, he doesn’t look at all shocked. And of course, Emmett is almost bawling at this point. It doesn’t take much to get him to cry, but Justin understands how emotional he must feel this time around.

 

“Okay guys, enough with the pats on the back and the tears. I am sorry to say you might not get to meet Duncan while you are all in because introductory period isn’t up until January 3rd, so he won’t move in until then. But the paperwork is through and everything is official. As soon as he gets settled in and used to the place, we will try to come up to Toronto to come visit.”

 

“Debbie is going to go nuts when she finds out.” Ben says to Emmett.

 

“I know, I am so excited to tell her. I already called Teddy and let him know this morning. But now that I have told you, let’s not have the food get cold. Let’s eat!”

 

All of the food that Emmett made is, as always, absolutely delectable. He really has outdone himself. Justin doesn’t talk much to Brian and Eric. They mainly keep any conversation between them dealing with passing the food. Most of what they all talk about is Duncan, who Emmett and Drew are all too eager to talk about. Since Gus is sitting on the right side of Brian, Justin can have a conversation with him a little better. They talk a bit about how Gus is liking high school and of course Penelope, who Gus talks about as though she is the most wonderful person on the planet. He is glad that he was able to keep in touch with Gus, despite not being a part of Brian’s life anymore. He loves that boy so much. He looks almost exactly like his dad. He is a teenager so of course he is going to have a bit of a mouth once in a while, but he is so innocent, curious, a bit more shy and sensitive than Brian, and doesn’t hide his kindness by dismissing it as though it is for his own gain. He wonders how Brian feels about Gus’s differences from him, but Justin can tell that every time that Brian speaks to Gus, he is very proud of his son.

 

After dessert, they are all helping Emmett clean up. They all gather in the kitchen to talk as they take turns washing the mountain of dishes that Emmett dirtied when he prepared the meal. Justin goes back to the table to get the table cloth so they can get it washed. He feels Brian’s hand pulling him into the foyer before he knows that it’s him.

 

“Wha-Brian, what are you doing?”

 

Justin ends up finding himself pushed against the door with Brian’s body practically flush against his and dilated eyes staring down at him. Brian is silent for a few seconds, releases Justin’s arms, and slowly backs away. Justin rubs his arm nervously as Brian keeps his eyes on him.

 

“Brian, did you need something?”

 

It takes Brian a few more seconds to speak, but when he does, his voice is barely above a whisper.

 

“I wanted to warn you, or give you some notice so you wouldn’t be too surprised, about something.”

 

“Brian, you have barely spoken to me all night or even looked in my direction. You acted like a dick to Nathan. What is so important to the point where you have to pull me away from everyone else and talk to me in a dark hallway?”

 

Brian’s expression becomes indignant and guarded.

 

“Bullshit, like you acted so fucking perfect tonight. Avoiding introducing your boytoy to me until I just went over to talk to him myself. Bet that made him feel really special. I didn’t hesitate inviting you to lunch to meet Eric.”

 

“What- Brian, what the hell? You acted like this because I didn’t introduce you to Nathan when we got here? Why does it matter so fucking much anyway?”

 

Brian shakes his head as if he’s trying to clear it. “It doesn’t. It doesn’t matter at all. But I’m about to make an announcement and, since things between us are obviously still strained after all this time, I am giving you an out so you don’t have to be in the room when I say it.”

 

“What-“

 

“When I go back into that room and rejoin all of our friends, Eric and I are going to announce that we are getting married. I thought you should know in case you didn’t want to see that.”

 

With that, Brian leaves Justin in the hall and goes back to the kitchen.

 

Justin is not going to get upset about this. He has no right. Brian has been with Eric for over six years. As long as Brian took to come around to the idea of marriage, it eventually happened. He knows he has no right to get upset over him moving on to pursue that with someone else.

 

He can’t move his feet though.

 

As much as he tries, he can’t. He wants Brian to be happy, but seeing him after all these years have dug up long buried emotions. He knows that if he witnesses it, then any small dash of hope that persisted over the years will be extinguished.

 

He knows that it could be obvious that he isn’t in the kitchen with everyone else. He knows, as he hears the muffled offers of heartfelt congratulations start to reach the hall, that Brian Kinney probably feels like he has won since Justin has shown how bothered he really is by staying out here. He has to go back in. He has to show some level of support in some way. He can pretend that he was in the bathroom or something and get the news from Nathan or Emmett. He has to ignore the heaviness in his heart and the fact that his eyes feel a little wet. As Justin takes that step, he feels his cell start vibrating in his pocket. He pulls out his phone and looks at the screen, but he doesn’t recognize the number. He’ll answer it anyway. It gives him another reason to put off reuniting with everyone else.

 

“Hello?”

 

“…Jus’n? That you?”

 

The words are slurred and the drunken voice takes a second to place, but as soon as he places it, he knows it so well. It was a voice that he knew every day of his life up to the point where it became hateful and disowning.

 

“Dad?”

 

“Heyyy, son.”

 

Justin is silent. Brian Kinney pulling him into a hallway to tell him he was engaged is routine compared to what is happening right now. There is no way Justin could have anticipated this happening tonight. Or any night for that matter.

 

“You there? Justin?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“It’s…it’s good to hear your voice. Deeper than what it used to be.”

 

“How did you get my number? Did Molly give it to you?”

 

“No…no, she didn’t give it to me.”

 

“Then how the fuck are you calling me?”

 

“She visited me back ‘n Oc…October. Left her phone on the counter when she went in the other room. I found it on her phone an’ wrote it down.”

 

“What an honest thing to do.”

 

“I jus’…I wanted to call you and hear how you were doin’.”

 

“Like you care.”

 

“I do. I care now.”

 

“I don’t give a shit. It’s too late. Merry Christmas and don’t call me again.”

 

Just as Justin is about to take the phone away from his ear, he hears a whimpering sob on the end of the line.

 

“Justin…Justin, please….”

 

“What? What do you want?”

 

“I’m so sorry…I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

Justin leans against the wall with the phone pressed to his ear, his heart beating quickly in his chest. He stays silent as he listens to his dad cry, something he doesn’t think he has ever heard in his entire life. And even though he still hates the bastard, it still fucking hurts to hear him this way. He wishes it didn’t. He wishes he could hear this and feel nothing.

 

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

 

It takes his dad a minute to control his breathing and compose himself enough for the quiet sobs to die down. He lets out a few shaky breaths, then finally speaks.

 

“I-I just wanted to hear you. I missed hearing you. I missed so much. I’ll leave you alone now.”

 

“Dad…Dad, you aren’t going to do anything stupid, are you?”

 

“No. No, I’m just going to head to bed early. I’m sorry, Justin.”

 

Justin is about to suggest he drink some water and eat something before he goes to bed, but he hears a click on the line. And if Justin couldn’t move before, he definitely can’t move now.

 

At some point, he hears a door swing open and the light comes on above him. He can see Nathan with an annoyed look on his face in his peripheral vision.

 

“Justin, seriously, what the hell? You’ve been gone for almost half an hour! What…hey, what’s wrong?”

 

Suddenly, Justin finds himself sobbing with deep gasping breaths and feels tears spilling from his eyes. Nathan doesn’t even know what happened, but even if he does think it is about what Brian announced on the other side of the house, he can’t ignore Justin like this.

 

Justin sees Nathan step in front of him and feels his arms pull Justin against him. Justin all but collapses face first into Nathan’s chest as his sobs hit him full force. He clutches onto Nathan and just fucking bawls like a baby.

 

“Hey, hey shhh…it’s alright. I’ve got you. It’s okay, Justin. Tell me what’s wrong? You are scaring me so much right now. Shhh, it’s gonna be okay. Whatever is going on, it’s going to be alright.”

Call him a fucking Scrooge if you will, but Nathan hated the holidays. Especially Christmas. Growing up, he had never really gotten to celebrate them. His mother did what she could for the first several years of his life. When he was five, she had gotten a tiny artificial tree from a neighbor who was about to throw it out since he got a bigger one. He remembers his father grabbing her arm, bruising it with his fingerprints, as she told him she hadn’t spent a cent on it and to please believe her. Despite his mother making her own money as a waitress, she had no right to her funds. All of the money she earned went to her husband. He hadn’t even fucking needed it. He had been the head of the Language Department at Hunter College. It wasn’t like he was the richest man in the world but he could manage to earn his own spending money and not steal his wife’s. He didn’t have to ban her from spending any money of her own on even a few tree ornaments or for a present for their son. And Victor Hall knew he didn’t have to. As Nathan grew a little older, he knew that his father was genuinely a psychotic and sadistic fuck and got off on shit like that.

 

She had made it work though. She enlisted Nathan’s help and they made their own ornaments out of printing and construction paper. He remembers her quietly singing songs in Arabic and making him learn them so he could not only be bilingual, but also connected to her Syrian heritage, a heritage that she ultimately ran away from when she fled to America at the age of nineteen. It was odd, because many of the songs they sang were not Christmas themed yet they sang them anyway as they sat there, cutting out snowflakes to tape together so they could wrap them around the tree. When he pointed that out, she told him, “Translate some then, Ibn*, if you want to sing something else. You can practice Arabic that way.” Nathan remembers her teaching him the variety of subjects she knew about. He remembers her encouraging his love of music, even though she couldn’t buy anything for him besides necessities to keep up appearances. He remembers her trying to protect him from his father, the man she had married to keep herself from being deported or homeless. The man who promised to get her into the university he taught at and pay for her education if she married him, only to entrap her and abuse her in every way possible, even though she was the mother of his child.

 

His mother loved Christmas. She never told him why she loved it, except for saying that it was a “pretty holiday in America.” He didn’t think it was for a religious reason because she refused to talk about any religion. Now that Nathan knows what kind of country Syria is when it comes to religious beliefs, he feels as though she must have assigned any faith she might have had to one at some point in her life. But when Nathan brought it up once, all she said was that she believed that there was something better than life on Earth. She also refused to talk about any part of her past, even any family she may have left behind. Despite never knowing anything about them, even as a young boy Nathan sensed that his mother’s family members were not good people. He sensed that she ran for a reason. Just like she had ended her life for a reason.

 

He had only been eight years old. His mother had only been thirty. For at least a year, she had been taking little by little out of her tips before she gave the rest to his father. Not much. Just a few dollars at most each day. She had saved up enough to have a more proper Christmas that year. Nathan knew she had always wanted what their neighbors had. Strings of lights decorating the apartment, a big Christmas tree with ornaments from fucking Bloomingdale’s or wherever. And for some reason that year, she no longer cared about her husband’s reaction to her defiance. Six days before Christmas, she had a large pine tree delivered to their apartment and put it right by the window. She had bought lights to wrap around it and beautiful decorations to put on the tree, including an angel to put on top. Nathan remembers his mother coming to pick him up from school and coming home to see how much life she had given their prison and seeing presents wrapped under the tree. He had been too excited to see the dullness and resignation in her eyes. A few hours later, she made him go to his bedroom right before his father came home and beat her with his belt until she had bled. He knocked over the tree and took the presents outside to throw them in the trash. Nathan remembered how much it hurt when he saw his mother’s completely lifeless expression as he cleaned her wounds by the bathroom sink. She had only wanted to celebrate a fucking holiday like everyone else and give her kid a decent Christmas morning. But instead of waking up to find presents under the tree and hot chocolate for breakfast, Nathan had woken up to find his mother hanging by the very belt she had been beaten with. Apparently the lingering wounds on her back weren’t worth an in-depth investigation by the police. It wasn’t until a couple of days after she died that he found the guitar she had bought for him hiding in the back corner of his closet. That guitar had been a small comfort to him as he embarked on eight more years of one long torturous nightmare.

 

See, Justin knew. He has known about that and what happened for years after. But Justin was always the type to bounce back on his feet. He was hopeful and, for some reason, thought that Nathan was one strong fucker to live through all that. And he looks up to Justin. He wants to make him happy and to be a man who is able to overcome all of that. In a way he has. He has been doing better than he was just a couple of years ago. Yet Nathan wants to be perfect for him. He wants to be worthy of having a partner like Justin Taylor. He wants to be normal, even though Justin never asked him to be. But when Justin had told Nathan that he would probably have fun at the Christmas dinner, like most people would, he hadn’t really believed him. For the obvious reasons, of course. But for other reasons, to a lesser extent. He wasn’t really all that close with Emmett or Drew for one thing. He supposed, outside of Molly and Jennifer, he knew them the best out of all of Justin’s friends from back home. He liked them fine. It was cool that Justin was friends with a football star and Emmett was always very welcoming. But it was hard for Nathan to connect with them because of the age difference. He felt like a child around them and in some ways he was. The twenty year age gap was sometimes very apparent when interests and life experiences made it into the conversations that he had with them.

 

Hell, the eight and a half year age gap between him and Justin could be noticeable sometimes when it came to maturity levels and partying. He wasn’t an alcoholic or a drug addict by any means, but he was young and liked to let loose sometimes, especially on days where he wasn’t feeling his best. That was why Nathan always enjoyed Molly’s visits. She had become a real friend to him, even though she really didn’t know anything about his family besides the fact that his parents were dead from circumstances that were undisclosed to her. She was someone he could go out with on a more regular basis than Justin was up to anymore. She felt like more of an equal. But even though he and Justin are at different points in their lives professionally and in some other ways too, he loves him so much. Justin is a mentor to him. He is a protector. He is the one person besides a few people in law enforcement that knows pretty much everything about his past. And, for some reason, Justin still loves him. Nathan didn’t scare him off with his life story. He wasn’t disgusted by it or horrified by him. He was sympathetic and heartbroken for him. He took care of him and tried to talk to him. Nathan knows it might be naïve to say it, but he honestly thinks that Justin is the love of his life because of that.

 

So when he found out that the man who used to be the love of Justin’s life was coming to dinner as well, he definitely knew he wouldn’t have a good time. Yes, the threat of Brian Kinney gave Nathan all the more reason to go and stake his claim, but he just instinctively knew that the night would probably end up being uncomfortable at best. He didn’t expect that Justin would partly ignore him for half the night, despite knowing what this day meant for Nathan. He didn’t expect for Brian to interrogate him on his sex life and for him to peg Nathan as the bottom. He didn’t expect them to have some sort of strange staring match when Nathan suggested that Justin invite Brian and Eric to the gallery for New Year’s Eve, but he couldn’t complain about that. He had been a bit petulant about it by bringing it up at a strange time and brought it upon himself. But out of all those things, nothing was compared to finding Justin sobbing uncontrollably in the front hallway. Fuck, it hurts to see him like this. And he wants to know why it is happening and at the same time he doesn’t because he heard Kinney’s announcement in the kitchen. As much as seeing Justin this way makes him feel like there is a knife sticking in his heart, he also knows that if he finds out that the reason has to do with his past lover truly moving on, it would be as though that knife were twisted to make his heart bleed even more. But what comes to no surprise to Nathan is that this is all happening on fucking Christmas.

 

“Hey, hey shhh…it’s alright. I’ve got you. It’s okay, Justin. Tell me what’s wrong? You are scaring me so much right now. Shhh, it’s gonna be okay. Whatever is going on, it’s going to be alright.”

 

He quietly pleads with him as he presses his cheek against his hair and wonders what fucking caused this. What caused Justin to break like this? Even though it is usually Justin providing the emotional support for him, it isn’t as though he hasn’t seen Justin cry before. He had seen him sniffle during a sad movie or two. He had cried with him a couple of times when Nathan came back to reality after a particularly bad flashback. He had taken it hard when his first roommate he had in New York, Kyle, had overdosed on heroin and subsequently died ten months ago. But even then he hadn’t cried like this. Those cries had been soft and heartbreaking but hadn’t come from a place of shock and absolute devastation since Kyle had cut Justin and most of his other friends out of his life when his addiction got bad. Nathan didn’t know where this was coming from. Kinney couldn’t cause this, could he? These primal sounds of pure confusion, as though even Justin himself doesn’t even know where this is coming from, and gut wrenching pain only muffled by Nathan’s dress shirt. Something else had to be going on. And, even if it hurt Nathan to hear it, he needed to know so he could at least try to help him.

 

“I-I don-I can’t let-,” Justin tries to get out, but his voice breaks on him and the cries start again.

 

“Come on, Justin. Please tell me what to do here.”

 

He is afraid that Justin might start hyperventilating since he can’t seem to get a hold of himself. But then, surprisingly, he hears Justin say, “Need to leave. Want to go home.”

 

“Okay, okay. Let’s go then. Come on.”

 

Immediately, Nathan walks Justin over to the coat rack by the door and finds his coat and scarf and gets Justin bundled up. Justin walks out the door only to sit on the front steps. It’s only then that Nathan remembers that Molly, Jennifer, and Tucker are there too. He steps outside and squats next to Justin.

“You wanna stay here while I go get Molly, your mom, and Tucker?”

 

Justin has settled down since he got his coat on and went outside. A stray tear falls here and there, but he is no longer having a meltdown.

 

“I don’t want to make them leave. They are having a good time. They should stay longer. It’s not even 9 o’clock yet.”

 

“I am sure they wouldn’t give a shit about staying longer if they knew that you were so upset.”

 

“I don’t…I don’t want to be around them. I don’t want to be around anyone right now.”

 

“You want me to go back inside too?”

 

“Like you would do that, even if I said yes. You already know that I’m upset.”

 

“Yeah and you haven’t told me why you are upset.”

 

Justin just shrugs and sniffles a little.

 

“I am going to go inside to tell them that you aren’t feeling well. That you have a headache or something and want to head back to the city. That alright?”

 

“I can’t think of anything else better to say. Just…try to get them to stick around a little longer. They can ride the PATH back with the others. Hotel Pennsylvania is close to the 33rd street stop so it isn’t like they are riding back alone.”

 

“I guess I can try to get them to stay. I’m pretty sure that some of them will come out to at least say goodbye to you though. Just…stay here until I get back? I don’t want you being alone right now.”

 

Justin just sighs and says nothing else.

 

Nathan goes back inside. He looks down at his shirt and sees the wetness left there from Justin’s tears. He knows Justin wants to keep his breakdown quiet so Nathan takes his coat off the rack and puts it on, then heads back to the kitchen, where the rest of the party are scattered around and helping Emmett or in conversations of their own. Brian and Eric are missing. Nathan guesses that they have taken up Drew’s offer to let Lily sleep upstairs until they decide to leave. He walks over to Molly, who is chatting with Hunter, and pulls her aside to the walk in pantry. He knows he should be more subtle than that, but his mind reeling right now.

 

“Hey. Justin and I are going to go. He’s not feeling well. Said has a headache. I think he had too much wine or something.”

 

Molly starts studying him like she is suspicious and says, “Okay, well I guess we can go too. I’ll go get Mom and Tucker so we can get our coats and say goodbye to everyone.”

 

“Molly, he really isn’t feeling well. I don’t think he wants you guys to see him like this. He is kind of out of it.”

 

“When I came up this summer and we all went out for the 4th of July, we practically had to carry him home while he belted out The Star Spangled Banner and then threw up on my shoes. There’s not much left that I haven’t seen.”

 

Yeah, that had been an eventful night.

 

“What’s going on with him?”

 

“He’s just…not feeling well.”

 

He knows Molly is thinking what he is thinking and she hadn’t even witnessed what happened in the foyer. He knows that Brian’s announcement is the most logical thing they can currently jump to if he doesn’t want to see anyone, even if the reaction seems a bit out of proportion to the situation since Brian and Eric have a kid together.

 

“Nathan, what’s going on with my brother? Does he need me? Or mom?”

 

“I think he just wants to wind down. I will probably take him back to my apartment to keep an eye on him, if he’ll let me. You have a key to his place, right? Do you feel comfortable staying there by yourself?”

 

“Yeah, but I may just crash on the pullout couch in the hotel room if we do stay for much longer. Trains after midnight can be a bitch when it isn’t a holiday. I’m going out to talk to him.”

 

“Molly-“

 

“I’m not going to play third wheel to you guys. I’m just going to tell him goodbye and that I’ll see him tomorrow. You let me do this and I will wait to tell Mom and Tucker that he went home until he’s already left.”

 

“Alright. Fine.”

 

Molly and Nathan leave the pantry and, fuck, he wasn’t subtle. Melanie and Gus are giving him concerned looks while occasionally glancing over by the doorway, probably to see if Justin is around. Luckily, most of the others, including Jennifer and Tucker, are too engaged talking about what they plan on doing for the next few days. Emmett and Drew seem to only have eyes for each other and are acting more lovey-dovey than he’s ever seen them, probably from the excitement of announcing the upcoming arrival of their new son. So Molly and Nathan are able to sneak out of the kitchen and back to the front of the house easily enough.

 

Molly ignores the coat that Nathan is holding out for her and immediately goes outside and Nathan is relieved to see that Justin had actually listened to him and stuck around. Molly goes down to sit next to her brother and puts her arm around him. He sniffles but holds it together, which Nathan is grateful for. He stands behind them and watches the exchange.

 

“Hey, big brother. Nathan said you weren’t feeling well. What’s going on, huh?” Molly asks him as she rubs his back.

 

Justin puts a hand over his eyes and shakes his head, but doesn’t say a word.

 

“Come on, Justin. I’m worried about you.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it with you right now, alright?” Justin snaps at her, causing her to jerk her hand back. Justin takes a deep breath and Nathan can tell that he immediately feels guilty.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Molly. I need time to process. I’ll tell you tomorrow, okay? I don’t want you getting upset over this.”

 

Before Molly could respond, Justin puts an arm around her neck and kisses her head. He gets up and Nathan hands him his bag. Both of them walk down the steps, but Justin turns around.

 

“Could you-“

 

“I’ll just tell them what Nathan told me, except hopefully make it more convincing. And make it so they won’t get mad at you for just taking off. Call me when you get up tomorrow, alright?”

 

“Okay. I’ll call you.”

 

As Nathan walks with Justin the several blocks to the PATH Station, they don’t talk. Nathan wants to put his arm around him, hold his hand, do something to let just know that he is worried and that he wants to help. But Justin is bundled up with his hands deep into his pockets, guarded and his mind elsewhere. They get their Metrocards out and go through the turnstile, only to see that no one else is there and that they have another twenty-five minutes before a train to New York comes.

 

So they sit. Nothing is said for the first ten minutes. They just sit in silence. Nathan wishes that some street performer could come in and sing Christmas carols or something. The silence is getting unnerving. He doesn’t know why Justin can’t just talk-

 

“My dad called me tonight.”

 

Nathan mind goes blank as Justin’s words hit him. He hadn’t expected that. And going by what happened tonight, he is sure that Justin hadn’t expected it either.

 

Nathan doesn’t want to say anything. If he asks why, he might come off as pushy. If he jumps to any conclusions, it might get Justin worked up. So he stays quiet and puts his hand between the crook in his arm to slide it down and lace his fingers with the hand in Justin’s pocket. Justin pulls his hand out but, to Nathan’s relief, keeps his fingers laced with his.

 

“You know, I haven’t spoken to him since he had me arrested. I refused to say one word to him and he didn’t bother reaching out to me. Until tonight. Why? Why would he call me?”

 

“I don’t know, Justin.”

 

Justin suddenly releases his hand, gets up, and starts pacing back and forth. He looks at the floor and growls out a rant as though Nathan isn’t even there.

 

“And fuck. I am so pissed. How can he fucking call and want to fucking chat? The bastard. Goddamn sorry excuse for a father. I hate him. I HATE HIM!”

 

As Nathan hears Justin’s shouts echo through the tunnel, he realizes that it is good that there are no street performers on this very slow night. Witnessing his calm, rational, and sensitive boyfriend flip his shit is sort of terrifying.

 

“Justin.”

 

“Like today hasn’t been shitty enough, then he calls me and makes me worried out of my mind over him and I haven’t seen him in almost a decade. Fuck him. Fuck today.”

 

“What else happened today, Justin? Are you talking about Brian and Eric getting engaged? You knew that they announced that, right?”

 

Justin stops pacing to turn his head and look at Nathan. It’s the first time Justin has really looked at him with any concern since they got to Hoboken. But then his eyes get misty and he looks away. He shakes his head and clears his throat.

 

“No, that’s not it. I have no right to be upset about that.”

 

Nathan isn’t oblivious to the fact that having no right doesn’t mean you won’t feel it anyway.

 

“Justin it’s-“

 

“Jesus, just like I have no right to rant about my father calling me to say hello when your-” Justin starts but he breaks off and gets a guilty look on his face.

 

Nathan closes his eyes and breathes out.

 

“When my dad was a sociopathic and abusive rapist who is now dead?”

 

“I’m sorry, Nathan. I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to even bring anything up about it. Please don’t-”

 

“Justin, it’s okay. I am not going to freak out. Yeah, I think we can agree that my dad was worse than yours. But there are many degrees of shittiness and your dad kind of sucks too. There’s no denying that. Rant all you want.”

 

“I don’t feel like it anymore.”

 

Justin sits back down and reaches over to take Nathan’s hand again. He is quiet for a minute and looks like he is sorting out his words in his head now, before blurting them out. Nathan figures his next words would be calmer and more rational. He was hoping for Justin to elaborate on what had occurred in the phone call to make him so worried about his estranged father. No such luck.

 

“Nathan…I’m so sorry about tonight. I really am.”

 

And before he can stop himself, Nathan says to him in a hurt and betrayed voice, “You know what this day means to me. You know.”

 

Justin looks incredibly guilty and Nathan feels guilty too. He didn’t mean to say that. He wants to brush it off and say that it is okay but it really isn’t. He didn’t want to sound needy and codependent, but Justin did know. He fucking knows what happened exactly fifteen years ago. He knew that it was a big step for Nathan to go to a dinner celebrating this day and even if Brian Kinney’s presence gave his possessive side more drive to be there, he did it for Justin. He wanted to be normal and be there with his boyfriend. And Justin had basically ignored him for most of the night any time Brian walked into the room. He thought he was going to leave the party pissed off at Justin. And going by the way he just blurted out what he felt just now, he is a little pissed off at him. But fuck, seeing him break down tonight had really taken a lot of that away. Seeing him like that made him realize that it was a hard night for him as well and to just let it go, at least for tonight.

 

“But the party is over. Nothing else we can do about it now.”

 

“Are you okay? Fuck, I shouldn’t have pretended that today was going to be fine for you. I feel terrible for not being more attentive to you tonight.”

 

“What do you want me to do, Justin? I’m not going to cry about you not keeping me as your center of attention all night. It won’t do any good. I think I did well today, considering the other Christmases I have had in the last fifteen years.”

 

“It should have been better for you. I should have made it better for you. I’m so sorry, Nathan.”

 

“Well, there’s always next year.”

 

“Do you need to talk? Do you need to-“

 

“Justin, I promise you I will let you know if I need to talk about her. Or him. But I am not going to do it now. The train is going to be here in four minutes.”

 

Nathan stands up and turns his head to see Justin nodding, his face sad and resigned. Nathan sighs because this is not how he wants tonight to go. He didn’t want to end the night with an argument or with Justin feeling this bad about everything.

 

“Will you stay over at my place? Just for tonight? In case I do start thinking about her too much?”

 

Before he knows it, Justin is standing in front of him and holding both of his hands.

 

“Yes. God, it is the least I can do. I want to be here for you. Especially today.”

 

Half the time he has to plead with his workaholic boyfriend to stay over so when times like this occur and Justin seems enthusiastic about staying, it feels good to know that Justin still wants him. He is hoping that it is just because he has a studio set up in his loft and not at Nathan’s apartment. When they start searching for a place together, he is going to make sure that Justin has space for an even nicer studio and space for Nathan to have space of his own too. That way Justin won’t get sick of him because they will be able to get away from each other when they need to. He wants this to work. He wants this to work so much. For over a year, it has been good. Nathan has never been happier in his entire life. After being with Justin for several months, he finally had started to believe that Justin genuinely cared for him and loved him even and those were emotions he had never felt directed towards him since his mother was alive. He really hopes those feelings aren’t changing now that Brian was living in the same city. If he lost Justin, Nathan doesn’t know how he would deal.

 

Nathan stares at his boyfriend and then gently wraps his arms around him. Just as gently, Justin hugs him back and they stand there in the empty train station just holding each other.

 

“Merry Christmas, Justin.”

 

Nathan can hear Justin stifle a whimper and he feels his boyfriend’s arms wrap tighter around him. He tightens his hold as well and they stay like that until the train comes.

Eric loves Brian. He honestly and truly does. He would not have spent over six years with him and decided to raise a child with him if that wasn’t the case. Life has been good for them. There are times when his eyes wander over to Brian and he can’t stop staring. It happens when he watches Brian working. It happens when they are making love. It happens when Eric wakes up before him and instead of getting his day started, he stays in bed a little longer just to watch his partner sleep. Sometimes when he thinks of how lucky he is to have Brian as the great love of his life, he gets overwhelmed by how intense his feelings for Brian still are after all this time. And when they announced their engagement tonight, he felt so fucking happy. Brian kept kissing him as though they were in the honeymoon stage of their relationship still and Eric couldn’t stop smiling until they put Lily down for a little bit upstairs. Despite how all over the place Brian was tonight, that announcement really had made both of them happy.

 

But that doesn’t stop Eric from still being pissed at him for being a dick tonight.

 

He is holding his tongue on it on their way back to the train station. Not only is it midnight already, but Cynthia, Lindsay, Melanie, Gus, JR, Michael, Ben, and Hunter are with them as they walk away from Emmett and Drew’s house. But what is really making him hold his tongue is the fact that Jennifer, Molly, and Tucker are with them too. Yet Justin and Nathan are very noticeably absent. He is actually concerned about that, believe it or not. He isn’t blind. He saw Justin looking at his partner and not paying enough attention to his own. It hadn’t made Eric happy by any means, but Justin had been nice to him. He had given a beautiful painting to his daughter and he was pleasant and engaging during the few conversations they did have. It had been Brian who had been the instigator of any drama that had occurred tonight. Brian’s acceptance to Justin’s forced invitation did not come from kindness or any wanted attempt to become friends with him. He did it to make him uncomfortable, just like he had when he had dragged Eric up to the bedroom. And Eric hoped that Brian didn’t try to scare Justin away when they announced their engagement, but how else could you explain Justin’s absence for the rest of the night? He knew that Brian genuinely wanted their friends to know. They talked about how they were going to tell everyone after Brian had surprisingly said yes without any hesitation. Brian had wanted to announce it the next time there were a big group of them up in Toronto. But then they were invited to Emmett’s and he had apparently decided to do it there instead.

 

He still doesn’t know what he said to Nathan, but he knows Brian way too well to know that it wasn’t anything friendly and casual. He knows that his fiancé is an expert on how to put people on the spot and make them feel inferior without even trying. That was fine for business. That persona got things done for Kinnetik when need be and Brian compensated by giving his employees bonuses, great benefits and medical insurance, and rollover vacation days. But it wasn’t okay to do at his friend’s Christmas party to someone who was technically young enough to be his son. It just wasn’t. He didn’t care that Nathan was the new guy or that he was Justin’s boyfriend. He didn’t care if Nathan had acted a little jealous over Brian’s presence. He didn’t deserve it. And if anyone knew the daunting task of becoming the new love interest to a man who already had experienced an epic romance, it was Eric.

 

Eric was very secure in his relationship now but that first year had its rough patches, especially looking back on it years later. Not only when it came to dealing with Brian’s more severe mood swings, bouts of depression, and lingering feelings for Justin, but also from Liberty Avenue. The whispers behind his back and the well-meaning warnings to his face about Brian’s heartbreaker stud status were one thing. He knew that Brian honestly wanted to change and he had to believe him on that. And Brian did change, both before he met the man and after they had gotten together. Eric knows that his place in his life had helped Brian grow exponentially, but Justin had helped him come a long way before Eric was even in the picture. He doesn’t know if Brian knows this, but he and Justin had formed a small but semi-rabid fanbase when it came to their relationship. Swooning men who had wanted to be in Brian or Justin’s place when they had been together had come up to him in awe because he had won over Brian’s heart after it had belonged to Justin for so long. One man had even said to him, “How is that even possible when Brian and Justin are supposed to end up together in every possible universe? They even end up together in a fictional comic book one!”

 

He had just directed him to Michael on that one. Eric really didn’t know much about alternate universes and comic books.

 

He knew how intense Brian’s relationship with Justin had been. He even truthfully told Brian that he was fine if they became friends with him. So the fact that Brian had acted like this tonight after being with him for six and a half years really did piss him off a little. And, like he knew Brian, Brian also knew him well enough to know that not all was well with Eric.

 

“Hey. Eric.”

 

Eric glances over at Brian and sees that he looks a little worried. Eric hadn’t realized it until that point, but they were both trailing behind everyone else. They were all tired and quietly chatting. Cynthia was pushing a knocked out Lily in the stroller that they had brought with them. They were just far enough behind to have a quiet conversation to themselves. Honestly, Eric wanted to put it off until they got back. His annoyance with how Brian had behaved tonight came back as soon as they were out the door and he had time to process the whole night, not just their announcement.

 

“You mad at me or something?”

 

“Let’s just save it until we get home, Brian.”

 

He could tell that what he just said was not what Brian wanted to hear. Brian’s pursed lips and narrowed eyes gave that away. But he managed to keep his mouth shut, even though Eric could tell he was dying to say something. That was surprising for him. Eric wondered how Brian would react to this. Eric had mental lists of possible Brian reactions. When he had to think about what might happen, he usually thought of the scenarios from most likely to least likely with examples that displayed those possibilities. Brian, despite his devil may care attitude at times, absolutely hated it when people he loved were upset or angry with him. Most people did, but Eric thinks Brian’s abusive upbringing made it so he secretly needed affirmation of love and approval. There seemed to be three possible ways he might react to it:

 

1. He mopes, but pretends not to be affected by it at all by putting his guards up even though it is completely obvious that he really is upset.

 

Example: When Brian and Michael got into a huge fight over Brian buying too many expensive presents for JR on her birthdays when Michael couldn’t afford to do that for her himself. Eric had mainly taken Brian’s side on that one. Partly because, as Brian’s partner, he was supposed to. But also because he knew that Brian did it because he really loved JR and that he didn’t want just Gus to get nicer presents and his sister not get the same treatment when it came to that. Eric had understood Michael’s problem with it though. He understood that it made him feel bad and question his abilities as a father when he shouldn’t be questioning that just because he makes less money. He had explained to Brian that this was what Michael was probably feeling and Brian worked on making it up to Michael and setting up a compromise.

 

2. He lashes out and hits below the belt.

 

Example: When Lindsay still refused to take Brian in a monogamous relationship seriously. Eric had caught vibes from her when they first met and a couple of times after. But it had been when Brian had brought him up to Toronto for the first time that she had really been awful by saying, “Brian, you had no right to bring Eric up here when you are supposed to spend the weekend with Gus! I understand you are going through something, but I don’t approve of you bringing some experiment here when you are supposed to be spending this time with our son. Oh. No offense, Eric.” She had said this when he and Brian had been together for eight months already. Eric had been shocked by the shit that had come out of her mouth. He knew that Lindsay was one of Brian’s best friends. He had heard that she had been supportive of Brian when he and Justin broke up for the first time. He didn’t know what to say to her. Brian had been pissed. He told her, “How the fuck do you know he is an experiment, Lindsay? You hauled away our son and you all aren’t even around me anymore! You know shit about Eric and you know shit about me! If this is how you feel, then expect to have a place in my life as my child’s mother, but don’t expect to have a place in it as my friend.” And the very small sadistic side of Eric was cheering when Lindsay had burst into tears and ran out of the room. It had been cold, but he thought that Brian had every right to stand up for himself. Brian spent that whole weekend livid whenever Lindsay was in the same room as him and eventually Lindsay was begging for his forgiveness and trying to spend time with Eric on her visits to Pittsburgh. It took a while but they worked everything out. He had seen Brian choose this method on people who didn’t deserve it nearly as much. But this had been the time where it had been really effective and most likely deserved.

 

3. He goes against his nature by getting openly upset with himself and doing anything, including putting their wants and needs first, to try to make everything okay. And he sometimes begs for forgiveness if need be.

 

Example: This didn’t happen that often. This was rare. It had happened to an extent when Brian had cheated on him earlier on in their relationship. But that had been caused by a deeper turmoil so Eric had forgiven him pretty easily. Usually this was reserved for his kids. One instance was when Brian had gotten really busy with the new Chicago branch of Kinnetik. On top of that, they had just moved to Chicago not even two months before and they had a five month old daughter who had been going on and off her sleeping schedule due to the move so Brian was getting no sleep and had no extra time to do anything. Gus, who had just started the 6th grade, was really missing his dad. He was calling sometimes multiple times a day because of it. He really wanted his dad to come up to visit him, since he couldn’t visit his dad in Chicago due to just starting school for the year a month before and he had no holiday breaks coming up. It was never officially confirmed, but Eric also thinks that Gus was feeling a bit left out by his dad since he was raising a new baby yet never seemed to want to raise him, which broke Eric’s heart because it was more complicated than that but Gus had been a kid so he hadn’t understood that. Brian should have been paying more attention to Gus’s change in behavior and newfound neediness. It would have been a strong hint that something bad was going on with his son. But Brian had been tired and agitated from working too much and having a newborn. He had a lot on his mind at the time and hadn’t caught onto it. After this went on for a couple of weeks and Brian had tried to gently let Gus down time after time, he let his agitation, lack of sleep, and guilt got to him which caused him to blow up at his son, something he had never done until that point. He said something along the lines of, “How many fucking times do I have to tell you that I can’t come visit you right now? I am very busy here, Gus! So you need to stop calling just to ask all of the time! I told you I would try to get there sometime soon and you need to learn to accept that as an answer!”

 

Gus had taken that hard. He started sobbing on the phone, hung up on his father, and refused to take Brian’s calls for days. Brian had immediately felt awful and was worried sick every time he called to ask to talk to Gus and Lindsay or Melanie told him Gus was refusing to talk to him. They asked Brian what had happened between the two of them but Brian had felt so disgusted with himself that it was hard for him to say more than it was his fault and that he had been an asshole. Eric remembers feeling so angry in regards to how Brian had reacted but when he started to ask, “How could you say that to him when he misses you so much?” Brian had been so sad and self-loathing. So there had been no reason to yell at him because he already knew that he had screwed up. Regardless, Melanie had taken care of that anyway when Gus had finally told her what all had been bothering him. She had called to give Brian an earful. Brian had taken it. He didn’t attempt to defend himself and looked like a kicked puppy during that phone call. Turns out, Gus had been getting severely bullied at school by a few older boys since the first day of middle school not only because he not only had gay mothers, but a gay father too. Gus had always been so sweet and sensitive and never even liked to play fight, let alone hit or throw insults back when he was getting punched in the ribs or mercilessly taunted by kids who were a few years older than he was and had hit their growth spurts and puberty already. To sum up the problem, Gus really wanted his dad to be there for him and to comfort him but Brian had been too busy. So much for Canada being the land of peace and acceptance. Backwards thinking assholes apparently existed everywhere.

 

Immediately after he had gotten off the phone, Brian booked tickets for the three of them to fly up to Toronto for the weekend. They had left the very next day and when Gus came home from school, Brian had been so upset with himself and told Gus how sorry he was. He told Gus that he had been selfish and horrible and that Gus hadn’t deserved that at all. He also let him know how concerned he was over him and that he had missed him so much. It took Gus’s anger at his dad out of his sails and he just lost it. Brian ended up holding and trying to soothe a hysterical and hyperventilating Gus on the couch, who was crying over missing his father terribly and going through hell at school. That reaction had scared Brian and it got everyone in the room pretty emotionally worked up out of fear and concern for Gus’s emotional state. Brian had been so worried about how his son was feeling that he ended up not going back with Eric and Lily after the weekend was up and extended his stay for ten more days. Eric completely understood that he needed to spend extra time with his son and go to the school with his mothers to try to get down to the bottom of what had been happening. Brian had flown Cynthia up to Chicago so she could take care of things at Kinnetik while he was gone. Luckily, Eric had decided to work mostly from home the first year of Lily’s life so it hadn’t been that much of a burden. However, not having Brian around caused him to notice how much he really helped with the baby.

 

It took Eric probably a couple of months to convince Brian that he wasn’t a bad dad to Gus just because he had reacted that way and that he had just lost his temper and snapped at him. It happened to every parent once in a while. Brian had beat himself up over it really badly though. He saw the effect that bullying had on some of the kids at the center in Pittsburgh. He kept having these horrible thoughts of what could have happened if Gus had decided to do something irreversible due to being shut down by his dad when he was going through something like that. Eric kept having to remind him that they were all going to make sure that Gus was treated better at school, make sure he felt completely included and loved by all of his parental figures, and watch out for any signs that might indicate that Gus might be having problems like that again. Brian had seen Gus pretty frequently before with the exception of the dry spell when Lily and the new branch came into play but he had made sure to go up to Toronto or fly Gus down to Chicago as much as possible after that.

 

On a little bit of a lighter note, another example happened a couple of months ago when Brian had one day where he was too tired of watching Frozen over and over again. Her obsession still stands and it has since Emmett had gotten it for her on her birthday in April. Brian ended up yelling, “No, Lily! You just have to let it go!” at Lily when she kept begging him to watch it for the 57th time. And, since Lily is three and didn’t catch the pun and Brian can be scary when he raises his voice, she started crying and pouting then wouldn’t talk to Brian for a few hours. She was still giving him the silent treatment when Eric got home from a meeting. Not being able to stand it anymore, he ended up asking her to play tea party with him that night (something that had Eric rolling on the floor with laughter then and still makes him chuckle to this day.) He also read her a shit ton of bedtime stories and watched Frozen with her twice the next day. He did that all because of a three year old’s ability to freeze him out made him feel so horrible about himself. Brian can be such a pussy sometimes.

 

“So, I’m really glad we told everyone tonight. It feels more official.”

 

Shit, is this a fourth method that Eric doesn’t know about? Playing off of what makes Eric so fucking happy to try to make him forget that he was pissed at him or something? It totally was. He could tell by the way Brian put his hands in his pockets and looked a little bit upwards with his tongue pressing a little bit inside his cheek, as though he could had just wracked his brain for a surefire way to get Eric back to his normal Brian-loving self. It is sort of working. But he isn’t going to play into it quite so easily.

 

“I guess.”

 

In his peripheral vision, Eric can see Brian look down sharply at him as though he was expecting that to work. Eric does feel bad, because he thinks that part of Brian is genuinely saying that because it really is true for him. And it is a low blow to say that, when Eric feels that way as well. But Eric isn’t perfect. It takes a lot, but he can get angry sometimes too. He can’t just forget how Brian acted tonight without at least talking it out first. But not here. Not in front of their friends and family and Justin’s family. He needs to take his mind off of it for now.

 

So, instead of letting Brian say anything more to him, he decides to catch up with Ben and start up a conversation with him about how his new position is going at Ryerson University. Ben had recently went from adjunct professor to one of the founders of the Queer Studies major at the school. The courses he created for the school were in high demand so they had taken him on full time this past semester. He was very enthusiastic about the school and did a lot for the LGBTQ college community up in Toronto, not only at Ryerson, but at other universities as well. Eric liked listening to him talk about what he had been doing because he would have loved to have had a professor like Ben while he was in school. Who knows? There could have been a teacher there like Ben when it came to being open and accepting of different sexualities but Eric hadn’t tried to look into any courses that focused on gay and lesbian people back then. He had only started to become interested in helping the gay community when he was in his late 20s and became really passionate about it when he and Brian built the center together.

 

They end up reaching the train station and luckily there is only a ten minute wait. They all sit next to each other when they reach the platform and Brian nudges Hunter out of the way so he can sit next to Eric. He can feel Brian’s stare on him and it doesn’t add to his anger, but it does make Eric wonder when his fiancé was going to try to start practicing his people skills outside of the workplace. However, he doesn’t want Brian this tense. So, without looking over, he reaches over and puts his palm on top of Brian’s hand and strokes it with his thumb. He feels a little tension release out of Brian and he feels Brian’s fingers move upwards to make Eric lace his fingers with his. He does it. He can’t deny Brian when he needs just a little bit of physical reassurance.

 

He and Brian stay quiet. Cynthia is on his left and they both have one hand on the stroller. Lily is still out cold. Ben is beside Cynthia and Michael is beside him. Since he and Brian are holding off having a conversation and Cynthia looks so exhausted, he listens to the conversations between the rest of their party. Jennifer and Michael are the easiest to hear so Eric just ends up putting his head against the wall, closing his eyes, and tunes in.

 

“Michael, it has been so great seeing you. You said your mother and Carl are coming here in a couple of days for New Year’s Eve, right?”

 

“Yeah, they are leaving Salt Lake City on the 28th and staying at the hotel in a room down the hall from us.”

 

“That’s great. I would love to spend some time with her while we are both here. You know, it is so odd that we didn’t know that we were staying in the same hotel. You think we would have ran into each other on the way here.”

 

“We just got in last night and did presents at Brian’s this morning. We had just gone back really quickly to take some stuff to the room so we haven’t been there all that much. It really is a coincidence though. But it is the best priced hotel in Manhattan.”

 

“It really is. Around Christmas, the prices are outrageous.”

 

Eric hears silence and then hears Michael speak again.

 

“Is everything okay, Jennifer?”

 

“What? Oh, it’s fine. It’s just…Justin and Nathan left without saying anything. Justin told Molly that he was feeling sick but I tried calling him before we left Emmett’s and he wouldn’t pick up. I know I was being overbearing by doing this, but I called Nathan too and he had sounded strange when he told me Justin had went to bed early because he wasn’t feeling well. Justin’s always been a night owl, so I just hope he isn’t feeling too terrible.”

 

Eric can hear the hesitation in Michael’s voice when he says, “I’m sure he’s going to be alright. It’s cold and he’s been under some stress with the gallery thing on New Year’s, plus it’s Christmas. Maybe that all caught up with him and he was just really tired.”

 

“I hope that’s it.”

 

Eric hears the train start to come with its loud horns and the screeches it makes against the iron tracks. It wakes Lily up as soon as it starts to pull in and she begins to cry, partly because of the sound and probably because she feels very confused about where she is. She starts calling out for Brian and immediately he feels Brian let go of his hand. Brian gets Lily out of the stroller so he can pick her up and hold her to calm her down. He holds her as they all walk to the train together and sits down with her in his lap. She snuggles against him and closes her eyes before the train takes off again.

 

Even though Eric knows they still definitely need to have a talk about what happened tonight, seeing Brian cuddle and comfort their daughter like that with absolutely no hesitation makes his heart melt every time. Brian was always hesitant to show his softer and more open side when he was around strangers and even around his closest friends. But when it came to Gus and Lily, that rule went out the window. He would show any strength and any vulnerability to comfort his children and make sure they knew he was there for them. He comforts Lily when she has a nightmare and will let her sleep in their bed when she gets really scared. He will talk to Gus for sometimes hours on the phone and drop anything he was doing at a moment’s notice to go up to Toronto to see him, especially after what happened over three years ago. He makes silly faces to make Lily giggle and reads to her in different voices to enhance her imagination. He is the cool dad for Gus but, when Gus least expects it, cracks a dad joke to make him cringe. It didn’t matter if anyone else was in the room or not. If his kids needed him to show a certain side of himself, he would do it. He remembers when Holly had been pregnant with Lily and Brian had been so scared that he wouldn’t love her at first sight because she wasn’t his flesh and blood. He had been the one to bring up Eric having a child and had given the okay to raising that child with him. But once it became a reality, Brian had been scared shitless. Oh sure, he tried to hide it but he even had moments where he gave in and expressed his fears over being a full-time dad. Eric had known that he had been the stud of Liberty Avenue. He was still considered a legend and would get looks of longing when they went back to Pittsburgh on business. And fuck, he was still a stud and a legend in the bedroom. Eric was just the lucky one who got to experience that every day. And he knows Brian is happy. He knew it in the small moments they had and the small gestures they have made towards each other over the years. And he knows it from the big moments. He saw his unguarded overload of happiness and joy when he first held Lily. He saw the love and tenderness in Brian’s eyes even as he scoffed when Eric decided to pull a cliché and get down on one knee in the middle of their packed up living room. He doesn’t think that Brian wouldn’t trade in what he has now for anything. He hopes he wouldn’t.

 

“So now you are willing to look at me?”

 

And yeah, Eric is doing that thing where he can’t stop staring at Brian. It happens at least once a week. He is still so far gone for this man that even when Brian acted like a total asshole at some points of the night he can’t stop mooning over him.

 

Brian starts staring back at him and it feels as though that they are both in a trance. Eric tries to read his fiancé to try to figure out what he is feeling right now but there are so many things going through Brian’s eyes right now. There’s pure love. He usually can see that and that is why he doesn’t doubt Brian’s feelings for him. But then there is pain and confusion and hope and annoyance and happiness and anything in between. Eric knows that some of those feelings are for him. He just doesn’t know which ones also apply to the fact that he saw Justin tonight. So he really can’t respond to Brian’s question right now because he has to sort through every flicker of feeling that goes through his partner’s eyes and Brian lets him. Brian just sits there silently and seems to be doing the same thing to him and they probably look absolutely ridiculous but neither of them take the initiative to glance away.

 

It must go on longer than Eric thought because suddenly he hears a voice from someone standing above where they are sitting.

 

“Hey, dudes! Neither of you are that pretty, you know. Didn’t you hear the nice automated voice saying, ‘This is 33rd Street?’ Well, she wasn’t lying.”

 

Hunter walks off the train and Brian and Eric quickly do the same, even though they don’t really have to rush since there is always a delay on the first and last stops on the line. They catch up to the rest of the gang and they all wish each other one last Merry Christmas and Brian and Gus make plans to spend the day together after Brian talks to a client tomorrow morning. Cynthia, Lindsay, Melanie, and the kids are staying at the Marriott at 49th and Lexington since Brian got rooms for them there. Brian offers to drive the kids to the hotel so the three women can take the cab that has just pulled over. After they see them off, they part ways with Michael, Ben, Hunter, Jennifer, Tucker, and Molly. Lily is in and out of consciousness and clutching onto Brian. Brian doesn’t want to put her in the stroller since it is getting colder and he wants to keep her as warm as possible. So Eric pushes the empty stroller as the five of them make their way down the street to the parking garage where Brian left his car. He is honestly glad that Brian brought a car to New York in times like these because he knows that the holiday train schedules suck and they are all tired and cold.

 

They pull up to the hotel and Gus gives his father a hug from behind his seat and Lily a kiss on the cheek. Eric volunteers to see them to the lobby where the women are waiting. JR hugs him goodnight and surprisingly, he gets a hug from Gus too. It isn’t as though Gus has never hugged him before. He gets a couple of hugs from Gus every time they visit each other. But Gus had spent the day paying a lot of attention to Justin. It had taken Gus several months to really warm up to him when they first met because he had missed Justin being his father’s partner and it had taken time for him to come around to his dad having a new man in his life. He has been close with Gus for years though and he’s glad seeing Justin didn’t seem to reignite any resentment within Gus towards Eric because he really does love the kid. In all honesty, seeing him with Justin had probably made him as nervous as seeing how Brian had behaved around Justin.

 

Eric walks back to the car and they drive home in silence. Brian gets Lily out of her car seat and they go up the elevator. The apartment is dark and they are both so tired that they don’t bother turning on any light except the one in the small hallway from the living room to their front door. Eric follows Brian to Lily’s room and they both tuck her in and kiss her good night. Eric heads back to sit down on the couch while Brian goes to the bathroom. Eric ends up waiting several minutes before Brian comes back out and they look at each other in the semi-darkness. Eric already gets the impression that Brian isn’t going to speak first. He is waiting to judge how Eric is feeling, even though Eric is wanting to judge how Brian is feeling. Some battles must be lost though, so Eric lets out a sigh and speaks first.

 

“I think you already know that I’m not all that happy right now.”

 

Brian stays quiet and looks away from him and down at his feet.

 

“I need you to say something about what was going through your head today, Brian.”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“What don’t you know? I don’t believe that you act without thinking that much.”

 

“I was just…I don’t-“

 

Brian breaks off and pulls at his hair. He looks so confused, as though he is actually finally thinking about how he behaved tonight. Maybe Brian does act without thinking that much.

 

“Brian, I understand that seeing him involved with someone else was a big deal for you-“

 

“No, it wasn’t. I’m with you, so why would it be a big deal?”

 

“Be that as it may, it still was. You can’t fool me. But you did manage to hurt me a little tonight.”

 

“Well, it wasn’t intentional.”

 

“Goddamnit, Brian! What kind of answer is that? Not only did you act like an ass to Justin, but you managed to isolate Nathan, who is fucking twenty years younger than you by the way, so I hope you feel real tough. But by doing all of that, you managed to make me feel bad about myself. I should have put the announcement on hold, even though I feel so proud to call you my fiancé and I felt so in love with you when we told everyone. I will remember that feeling of pride and euphoria for the rest of my life. But today is also tainted because I will also remember how you used my presence in your life to make your ex-fiancé fucking jealous and that fucking hurt, Brian!”

 

Well, shit. Eric thought he had calmed down on the train. He didn’t know how upset he was until he started talking about it. And Brian, oh Brian. Going by the look of shock and guilt on his face, it seems as though he didn’t know how much of an ass he really was until Eric blurted out all of that.

 

“Eric…”

 

“What, Brian? Just say something.”

 

Suddenly, Brian is straddling him and sneaking his tongue in his mouth. He can feel Brian rubbing his ass against his crotch and, on instinct, Eric grabs the back of Brian’s hair and forces him closer, but then pulls his head away from his own because this is something Brian does when faced with a multiple types of problems: ignores the problem with sex.

 

This time it was obvious. Sometimes, he was more subtle. Like just a few days ago when he offered to bottom via text. Even though Eric wasn’t upset over him inviting Justin to lunch nor had the meeting gone badly, Brian had discreetly put the idea into Eric’s head beforehand just in case. Brian knew that Eric wasn’t clueless on his strange ways of appeasing him. He knew that Eric knew the reason. Not that Brian never bottomed without ulterior motives. It is something that Brian has actually started enjoying more in the last couple of years, but he still doesn’t do it very much. The times it does occur, whether the occasion stems from Brian being weird or Brian just really wanting a dick up his ass, the act is usually very sensual and loving. Brian is always so tight and he still isn’t completely at ease when he bottoms. Eric likes to show him how much he loves and appreciates him. Regardless, the fact does remain that Brian does use bottoming to his advantage once in a while. He knows how much Eric loves to get to top him and both of them will use that offer to their advantage from time to time. Brian knows how pissed Eric is and he hates it. He might even bend over the couch for him. Hell, he just might get on his back, hold his legs up, and spread his cheeks for him if Eric really tried to convince him. But, as strange as it may sound, that isn’t what Eric wants right now. He never wants to take advantage of Brian that way, just because Brian has a habit of being an emotionally stunted asshole sometimes.

 

“Stop. Brian, stop.”

 

Brian registers that he is being spoken to and looks down at Eric.

 

“I really need you to talk to me. More than I need to fuck you or kiss you.”

 

Brian seems to be searching for words. He looks at Eric, slightly panicked, as he tries. Eric puts a soothing hand on his back as Brian stays in his position on top of him, to try to coax something out of him. Brian get off of his lap but sits next to him as he finally comes up with something to say.

 

“I never want you to feel hurt. I fucking despise anyone who tries to hurt you. It’s why your mother and I aren’t on the best of terms. You know how I feel about you. I feel so much for you. I know I was a total cunt tonight. In all honesty, I don’t know where it came from. Justin brought out a lot of good in me back when we were together but he somehow brings out the worst in me too, even though he didn’t do anything to deserve it. And you especially don’t deserve to feel the way you do now. I really didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

Eric sighs. Brian looks so confused and honestly, Eric doesn’t know what is going on with him at this very second. It’s as though there are two different Brians at war here. Both of them are Brians that don’t emerge around Eric that often. There is the one who really is a total ass and wants to do things like make Justin jealous, even if it hurts Eric in the process. Then there is the overwhelmed Brian who opens up to Eric when he is fucked up about something.

 

“What did you think it would do, if not upset me?”

 

“I…fuck, I don’t know.”

 

“Did you think about how I would feel at all?”

 

“I don’t know, Eric! I said I was fucking sorry, alright? I am going to try harder to not pull that shit again and I will try to be nicer to Justin when we see him at his party.”

 

“And to Nathan.”

 

“Are you se-”

 

“Brian, you were a shit to him and you know it.”

 

“…Fine.”

 

“Alright. I guess that’s all I am getting out of you. Thanks for letting me into your head a little. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

 

As Eric stands up, he feels a hand wrap around his wrist. He turns to see Brian looking up at him and he looks so worried that Eric can’t help but feel bad about all of this.

 

“What, Brian?”

 

“Eric, we’re good right? Everything is still the same between us?”

 

“As long as you want everything to stay the same, then yes.”

 

“You know I want everything to stay the same, Eric.”

 

Eric nods and bends down to give Brian a kiss. He gives him one chaste kiss, but that isn’t enough so he gives him a second and a third. After Eric pulls away, Brian just pulls him back in for a deeper and longer kiss. They finally pull away and Eric walks away from the couch. He makes it a few feet, but then hears Brian’s voice.

 

“The only thing I would change about us is me. I would change how I let my feelings affect me. If I were a better person, I wouldn’t have acted like such a shit because I am so far gone for you.”

 

And Eric can interpret those “feelings” as feelings for Justin. He isn’t that much of an optimist to just dismiss the possibility. But what Brian said is enough. He knows that he is sorry. He knows that Brian loves him. That’s enough. They can figure out the rest later.

 

"I wouldn't change you."

 

Eric walks back over to hold out his hand. Brian takes it and Eric leads them to their bedroom.

 

“How can one man snore that loudly?”

 

It wasn’t fair that her mother could sleep so soundly through this and Molly was stuck listening to Tucker’s snores as she tried to smother her head in a pillow. It probably wasn’t the best idea to attempt to smother herself but it kept her from smothering her pseudo step-father. Of course it hadn’t started until she had finally gotten her mind off of her brother long enough to start to shut her eyes. It was only then when he began taking these wheezing breaths that would probably muffle a jackhammer. She remembers her friends in high school doing triple takes as he walked in and out of the room and then they would gush about how lucky her mother is to be a cougar to a man who was sex on legs. Bull. Shit.

 

Don’t get her wrong, Tucker is very nice and has always been open minded and accepting when it came to Justin and very supportive of her. She can admit that. He loves her mother ridiculously so and it wasn’t Molly’s business if he was into older women and probably had mommy issues. She can even tell that he would probably be very good looking if he weren’t so Tuckery. But fuck, does the guy snore. Maybe it is a severe flaw that comes with good looking men. Molly remembers when she was fifteen and Justin had come in to visit from New York and brought Brian over for dinner. She knew that Brian was gay and that he was with her brother, but she could not stop staring at him. She remembers that Justin, for some reason, had said at the table that Brian had a deviated septum and snored really loudly sometimes and Brian had gotten all pissy about it. Their bantering was actually really cute at the time, but you never know. Maybe that was the beginning of the end for them. Somehow Molly doubts it.

 

Whatever caused them to finally call it off for good didn’t really concern Molly that much. It happened years ago and the past is the past. What concerned her was that Justin just left without coming in to say goodbye to his friends. She honestly doesn’t know what would elicit that kind of response. She would totally understand if Justin had been upset about Brian’s announcement, but he hadn’t been in the room. Molly is pretty sure that Brian had to have said something to Justin beforehand in order for him to just not happen to be there when Brian and Eric told everyone they were getting married in the spring. In all honesty, Molly didn’t think the announcement was that exciting. She knew that Brian and Eric had been together for a long time and they had the cutest little girl together. And she gets that it might be hard to hear the greatest love of your life has definitely moved on but Justin shouldn’t have been that surprised by the admission either. He knew that Brian had gotten to the point where he was willing and even happy about taking that step. She knew he hadn’t drank more than two or three drinks the whole time they were there. His alcohol tolerance was not that low. So why did he look so upset and have puffy and bloodshot eyes when she came out to see what was wrong? What had happened to make him fall apart like that?

 

This is what has been plaguing her thoughts at 5:00 am. She has slept two hours max and it’s stupid. Because of Tucker, of course, the loud fucker. But also because this is on her mind and it isn’t even happening to her. If she can’t sleep well, she has to wonder how Justin is sleeping.

 

Even though they aren’t twins, they must have some sort of psychic connection because her phone just vibrated on the end table. She sneaks over to the bedside table on her mom’s side of the bed and unplugs her phone. As soon as it lights up, she sees a message from Justin.

 

Dad called me last night.
That’s why I left early. Sorry
for ditching you guys :/

 

Well, fuck.

 

She hadn’t been expecting that at all. Although, she should have been expecting it more than Justin was. She was really the only person that still talked to their father on occasion, but she had cut back as soon as she had moved for college and told him that there was no need for him to help her move into the dorms. She didn’t talk to him on the phone very much. She picked up the phone for his calls maybe eight times a year. She saw him face to face even less, just a few times a year at most. She never told him when she was in Pittsburgh to visit her friends from high school or when she went up with her friends from college to go shopping. The only times she saw him were the times when he had gone out of his way to come down to Morgantown and would call her to see if she wanted to “hang with her old man.” She said no most of the the time and only felt a little guilty for letting him down when he had driven over an hour to try to see her. But there had been times where she had given in. Those were the times when she must have been feeling nostalgic over memories of him playing in the yard with her and Justin and taking the two of them out for ice cream. When she did give in, he would take her out to lunch on High Street and act way too eager to please. It ended up being so annoying. She used to give him underhanded comments and he would act as though she had never said them.

 

However, the three times she had seen him this past year, he had looked tired and lonely. The last time she saw him, she had actually gone to visit him for the first time since she moved to Morgantown at 18. It was almost three months ago. She doesn’t know why she did it. He had called and asked her to come see him and he sounded fragile and off. He had looked as fragile as he sounded. She barely recognized him as the man she grew up knowing. He had stuttered and trailed off at the end of sentences. He looked shaky and honestly on the verge of some sort of breakdown. And, despite her feelings on what he had done to Justin and her mother in the past, even she had been worried about his behavior. She had asked if he was sick or something but he kept saying, “Oh, I’m fine. Just fine.” But from what she had seen of him this past year, especially her last visit, he had looked so fucking sad and asked about Justin every time he called but she refused to tell him. She may have been worried about him, but Justin and her mother didn’t need to be. Their dad didn’t deserve to know anyway. He didn’t deserve to be privy to information about a family he had tried to tear apart.

 

She doesn’t know how he got Justin’s number. Justin has changed it a couple of times since he and Brian broke up. The first time he changed it was due to being on the same plan as Brian. So he had called AT&T and had his phone number deactivated, then got a New York area code. The second time was about three years ago to get some weird fan off his back. She could understand if their dad had done some searching and found the number to the gallery but Justin didn’t easily give out his cell phone number. He had a main business card for the gallery that was available for art collectors and visitors that just had the business line on it and he had another one that he gave to artists and personal contacts that had his cell on it as well. But Justin didn’t do that much business in Pittsburgh anymore. So she has to wonder how their father gotten a hold of his son. But she is more curious about what the fucker said to Justin to make him want to get away from everybody.

 

Well, Justin was up, right? He had texted her. She could step out into the hall and call him and ask what had happened then.

 

She grabbed her purse so she could step outside into the hall. She went through her recent calls list and found Jester listed there and pressed it to call. It rang four times and she thought he might not pick up but he did on the last possible ring.

 

“Hey.”

 

He says it quietly and his voice is a little hoarse. Suddenly she didn’t know what she was going to say to him. Being the youngest, there weren’t that many times where she had to be the protector. She usually protected him behind his back by condemning their father for what he had done and not giving up any information about Justin, even when her father looked completely horrible.

 

“Hey.” She says back to him.

 

Justin breathes out and stays quiet for a second.

 

“I didn’t think you would be up yet.”

 

“I figured you texted at five in the morning to get telling me what happened out of the way but get out of talking to me about this so quickly. Pussy.”

 

Justin huffs out a laugh, which is impressive because she is pretty sure her brother does not feel like laughing one bit.

 

“I just…I told you I would tell you what was going on but I didn’t know how to come out and say it.”

 

“I understand, Justin. It’s okay.”

 

“It’s not okay. I was really mad at his nerve to call me, especially on Christmas, but now…fuck, I’m really worried about him, Molly.”

 

“You two haven’t spoken in years. I figured if it ever happened it would be a blow up or stiff and cordial at the absolute best. What happened?”

 

“He called me. Completely drunk off his ass. Tried to act friendly as though as if he was just catching up with his son. I wasn’t having any of it. He knows that I had no intention of speaking to him again. I asked him how he had gotten my number. He said that you had left the room when you went to visit him last and he had looked up my number on your phone.”

 

“He looked through my phone? My phone?! Without my okay? That asshole, fucking snoop-”

 

“Molly, just let it slide. I don’t think he did it to invade your privacy.”

 

“I don’t care about the reason! He still did it!”

 

“I am pretty sure he hasn’t been thinking straight. He seems like he has been wanting to call me for a while but just worked up the nerve last night. Don’t...don’t chew him out just over him looking at your phone.”

 

Molly let out a sigh. She knows she just has to let this go for right now. It is a relatively small thing and this is ultimately Justin’s battle to fight.

 

“Sorry. Start again. What did he say to get you all worked up?”

 

“He wasn’t himself. He was acting as though it had been a long time since we’ve talked and that he just wanted to catch up with me like we were old pals or some shit. I called him out on it and told him I knew he didn’t give a shit if all was well with me or not. He claimed that he did care. Then I told him it was too late and ordered him to never call me again. I was about to hang up but...fuck…”

 

“What, Justin?”

 

“He let out this fucking whimper and it pissed me off for a second because why should he be the one hurt here, you know? I asked him what he wanted and then he started full-fledged crying. I could tell he was trying to put himself together but he couldn’t manage to do it. I just listened to him as he sobbed on the phone and he could only get out ‘I’m so sorry.’ And-

 

She hears Justin break off and she knows hearing their father like that affected him. Hell, hearing what happened second hand is affecting her.

 

“I have never heard him like that. I don’t think I have ever seen that man shed a tear, to be honest. After a couple of minutes, I asked him why he was crying. He managed to pull himself together just enough to tell me that he missed hearing my voice and he would leave me alone now. And the way he said it scared the shit out of me. I asked him straight out if he was planning on doing something stupid. I was afraid he might be suicidal, with the way he was acting on the phone. He said he was just going to bed early and told me he was sorry again, then hung up.”

 

Jesus, now Molly wishes this had just been about the Brian and Eric thing.

 

“Has he said anything to you? Has he done anything to give you a hint that he was feeling a certain way?”

 

“I don’t know, Justin. I’ve told you he’s been weird. I don’t see him much but I didn’t want to frighten you or mom. He’s been really lonely. The last time I saw him he looked as though he were some weird combination of uncomfortable and relieved to see me. I think his hands were shaking a little. He trails off at the end of his sentences sometimes and spaces out.”

 

“Do you think he’s sick or something?”

 

“I asked him. He said he was fine. I guess it’s possible he doesn’t know if something is wrong or not.”

 

“...Maybe drugs?”

 

“Really, Justin?”

 

“Well, how am I supposed to know? You haven’t said anything about shit like this happening before now!”

 

“You never want to talk about him!”

 

“I would talk about him if I knew he was suffering some sort of nervous breakdown!”

 

“Well, now you know!”

 

“Fuck! You should have told me something was going on with him!”

 

“I am barely around the man, Justin! I don’t know shit about him except that this past year seemed to be hard on him. I don’t know how bad he fucking has it! I try not to care too much because of what he did to you!”

 

They both take a moment to calm down. Molly called to comfort her brother, not to flip out at him. Even though he started it first.

 

“I didn’t know he got your number from my phone. I didn’t know that he would break down like that when he called you. He has never done that in front of me. But I have noticed a lot more alcohol in the fridge when I visited last and I’ve noticed how odd he has been acting in the last several months. I should have said something. I know I should have. But I didn’t want you and mom to worry about him when he was such a shit to the both of you for several years. You are up here and he disowned you. You owe him nothing. He cheated on Mom but I know she would freak out if something was wrong with him. She doesn’t need that when she has been helping Grandma with Grandpa. I didn’t know what to do.”

 

“I know, Molly. I’m sorry for freaking out. I really am. He just worried me a lot.”

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

“I don’t know. Right now, probably try to get a little more sleep. I will figure out the rest later, I guess. You want to meet for lunch?”

 

“With or without Mom and Tucker?”

 

“I guess with. I don’t know if I will tell them what happened last night though. Not yet.”

 

“You know, I think Mom thinks it is because of what Brian announced last night. I know you had to have heard about that by now.”

 

“Well, it wasn’t.” her brother snapped, leading her to believe that it was part of it, the liar.

 

“You don’t have to snap at me.”

 

“I’ll make it up to you by taking you all to Park Plaza in Brooklyn Heights.”

 

“Their buffalo chicken sandwich is good…”

 

“It should be easy for you to get there. Easier than for me to get there, even though I’m in Brooklyn.”

 

“Oh well, train lines are a bitch! I’ll meet you there around noon and then maybe we can talk about everything tonight in person, without fighting over the phone.”

 

“Alright. I love you, Molly.”

 

“You too, Justin.”

 

She ended the phone call and started to walk back to the room. She stopped because she knew she wasn’t going back to sleep. Not when the secret fears she kept stifled had just come out and confronted her. Now that even Justin was worried about their dad and she couldn’t stay in denial in an attempt not to care. Damn it.

 

It was about 5:30. The hotel had a shitty continental breakfast she could go down to. She could do that to kill some time and try to get some stuff off her mind. If she got tired, she could always go back to sleep until 10:30 or so and if she didn’t, then she could go somewhere and explore some before she went to meet Justin.

 

She took the stairs even though it was six flights and found the dining area. No one was there yet. She got herself some coffee to drink and cereal, toast, and a banana to eat, then sat down.

 

After sitting there by herself for ten minutes, she became so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice when Hunter approached her.

 

“Hello, Madam. I don’t mean to bother you, but there is absolutely nowhere to sit. May I be honored with your presence?”

 

Molly snaps out of it and looks around the dining room to see that he is fucking with her.

 

She presents the seat to him and he sits down with his food mountain of eggs, sausage, bacon, and mini pancakes drenched in syrup.

 

“Out of everyone, I didn’t expect it would be you to be up so early.”

 

Hunter shrugs as he shovels food into his mouth.

 

“I get up at like 4 am everyday to be on set and set everything up for the first shoot of the day. I’m used to it now. You’re a teacher, you understand early mornings.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t do them when I don’t have to.”

 

"And yet you are up now."

 

Molly shrugged and just played with her spoon.

 

“While it is nice to sleep in, I like some time to myself. Getting up early is the only way I am going to get it. Like right now, I am right across the hall from my parents and as soon as they get up, it’s like, ‘Hunter! Let’s go see what show we should go to today!’ and ‘Hunter! Let’s go to a museum, buddy! The Met sound good to you?’ and ‘Hunter let’s all hold hands as we cross the street because we aren’t in each other’s space enough as it is!’ Don’t get me wrong, I miss them to death while I am in L.A. and it is nice that they miss me too. But come on, I’m 26 and I need some space even when I do visit, you know? Hey, this bacon sucks. Want some of it?”

 

“No, I’m good.”

 

“Well, you don’t look that good. NOT that I mean you don’t look good physically. You are gorgeous, as always. But you look distracted.”

 

Molly doesn’t know if it is the fact that she is really tired or that she is just really bothered by what is going on. She doesn’t know if it is the fact that she always finds Hunter so funny and interesting on the occasions she does get to see him and, out of all the people she sees when she sees Justin’s friends, Hunter is the one she looks forward to seeing the most outside of Nathan. But without her brain’s permission, she tells him absolutely everything.

As Brian walked to the Mariott, he tried to get how annoyed he felt under control.

 

After the eventful night and morning he had, Brian wasn’t in the best mood. Eric had forgiven him for the most part, but Brian could tell that he was still pissed off. After he had taken him back to the bedroom, he hadn’t really wanted to have sex even though Brian offered to bottom. He had given Eric a blow job this morning but he was still a little distant before Brian left for his meeting. Eric was the type to want to work out the problems by talking it out. He had tried last night but he knew it wasn’t quite over yet. He knew that he would have to try to suck it up, at least until later. He knows that he needs to sit down with Eric, not only for his own piece of mind but for his fiancé’s as well, and talk about it. Only this time he would have to be less defensive. He knows he was a dick. He doesn’t know why he thought jumping on him for sex would make Eric get over it. That didn’t usually work. At least not for something more than an argument over who was going to do the dishes or something else mundane.

 

He needed to make sure that Eric knew that the two of them could back out of going to Justin’s gallery on the 31st. Brian wants things back to normal, even though it hasn’t even been 12 hours since they had their confrontation at the apartment last night. He knows he was a dick to Justin and Nathan. He knew he had acted in a way that wasn’t that common of him anymore. It’s as though he couldn’t stop himself. It hadn’t been just Justin’s presence that had set it off. It had been Nathan’s presence and the fact that he was with Justin that had put him in such a dickish mood. Just seeing Justin, who hadn’t even done anything to him, wouldn’t put make him pull the shit he did last night. Hell, when he saw him on the street for the first time in years it had been Brian who had approached him. When he laid his eyes on him, his heart skipped a beat and he felt some strange sense of anticipation.

 

But, fuck, he didn’t want to be happy about Justin slowly coming back into his life. He didn’t want to be angry or sad about it either. But if he kept acting hot and cold on Justin, he was afraid of what might happen to his current relationship. He knew that Eric was probably one of the most patient people he has ever known. He had to be to go to over half of Brian’s therapy appointments for eight months and see him closed up for the longest time and when Brian finally did open up, Eric saw him fail to hold back tears, go into rages, and talk about his childhood and the promiscuity that he used to practice. Eric was practically a saint most of the time and that period in their lives had proved it. When it came to patience at least. Not in the bedroom. In the bedroom, his partner could have the dirtiest mouth.

 

Eric and Brian didn’t get into many arguments. Not serious ones anyway. They got along really well and since Eric was the type to want to talk things out and Brian, while volatile, hated for the people he cared about to be upset with him, their fights usually didn’t last long. But they had gotten to that point a few times where they would have a nasty argument that simmered for a while. There had been times where Eric had been put in a foul mood, usually by his family or a homophobic client, and it caused him to lash out at Brian and that in turn would cause an argument between them. But it was usually Brian who started something, He was man enough to admit that he was usually the one that did or said something scathing and ended up regretting it later. It had only happened a couple of times, but there had been nights where Eric made Brian sleep on the couch and Brian would lay there stewing in his anger over how fucking stepford that was but also itching and aching to go back and be in bed with his partner. That had happened twice to him in their whole time together, to be exact. One reason had been how he had spoken to Gus a few years back and, even though Eric hadn’t flipped out at him like Mel had, he sure as hell wasn’t happy. Brian had understood why.

 

The other was when Brian had gotten all upset about how much Eric was leaving town to work and he was barely seeing him. Lily had been about 18 months old and she was going with him on every other trip Eric was taking so “Brian wouldn’t be overwhelmed.” The trips were usually just for a few days tops but Brian had really been missing his daughter and his partner and had just blown up at Eric when Eric had mentioned that he had to leave again since he had to fly to Montreal to meet with a new client. Eric got all defensive and pointed out he had stayed home for over a year to be a stay-at-home dad while Brian got to build up his business and they just went at it. Eric told him to sleep on the couch that night and Brian had laid there and was too upset to sleep. Eric ended up coming out in the middle of the night, got on top of him, and laid his head on his chest. It had been nice and sweet and then Brian rolled him onto the floor, put Eric’s legs on his shoulders, and fucked him until Eric was moaning out a litany of filth. Thank god they hadn’t woken up Lily because he didn’t want honestly didn’t want to scar her at such a young age but, more importantly, he hadn’t wanted one of his top five fucks with Eric to be interrupted.

 

He is actually surprised that he wasn’t banned from the bedroom last night. He would have understood but he had been grateful that Eric had led him to bed so he could sleep next to him. They didn’t fight that often, but Brian hated it when they did and it got to that point. He usually didn’t get all mushy about it, but he really did love him. He had honestly thought he would never feel like that again about someone after Justin. He had even found him sort of quickly after he became single again. He may have wanted to pair up with someone due to being lonely at first but it had grown into something more, despite the many bumps along the way. It had taken him so long to find Justin and it had taken him a while to accept him into the role of his partner as well. He never had legitimate romantic feelings over anyone before Justin came into his life. Well, that wasn’t completely true. He sort of had a crush on his roommate his first year of college but he was one of those men who only acted on any gay curiosity when they were drunk and then denied everything the next morning. Phillip had briefly made him question his no repeats rule but no one had made him question his stance on relationships like Justin had. And when he kicked Justin out of his life, yeah he fucking regretted it, but he was still Brian Kinney and didn’t want to cave. He had been embarrassed and didn’t want to give in and apologize and at the time he felt that he didn’t have to because Justin had strung him along making him look like some pining lovesick puppy. He had prepared himself for it to happen when Justin had first left but they had made things work and Justin ended up pulling the rug out from under him two years later. Whatever. It was years ago. He was over him. He had Eric now and he was happy about that.

 

He had to get his mind off of it. Think about something else. He had plenty on his mind. His meeting for instance. It hadn’t gone as well as he hoped. Jeff Sellers, a theater director and producer, had enlisted Kinnetik into advertising for an off the wall Broadway Rock Musical. He wanted unique advertising and Brian had put the designs in motion. He had people go to different neighborhoods and put up worn looking band flyers. He had planned for the band to perform on top of a fucking double decker bus in Times Square. They had met for coffee to initially discuss the prep work needed and talk figures but that didn’t happen since Jeff had informed him that three out of four of the band members got busted yesterday for dealing large amounts of cocaine. It was going to be on the 6 o’ clock news so thank god Sellers gave him a heads up. Fucking dumbasses. Who fucking deals cocaine on Christmas? So now the show was on hold just as Brian had been ready to have some of his team go in and do superficial renovations to the theater since they were going to make it emulate 80s punk rock. But now new musicians needed to be cast to accompany the star of the show. They needed to be able to learn the music quickly and be decent enough actors to say the few lines that each of them had. He hadn’t listened to Strep Negative’s music before, but after all the grief they put him through in the last hour, he knew that he never would. Not that he would get a chance to. No respective record label would touch them now. This was supposed to be a pretty big break for them and they blew it. Whatever. Their shitty name should have been a hint that they would suck.

 

Oh well. Another thing to add to his list of shit that was stressing him out. He was hoping that spending the day with Gus would make him feel a little better. Maybe the stress would rub off onto his son when he gave him ‘the talk’ later and he could secretly laugh at any horror he put on Gus’s face. He felt like he probably wouldn’t though, considering he had to alter most of his knowledge to fit a woman partner instead of a man. But he could do it. His number of sexual partners (most of them being one-time hookups) literally went into the thousands. He had lost track of how many men he had slept with and it had become irrelevant since the last time he had fucked someone else besides Eric was a couple months before Lily was born when they had brought a couple of tricks home. However, out of the very high number of people who he had slept with, only three of them had been women. And if wasn’t awful per say. He had gotten off and he had liked two of the three women as friends but obviously hadn’t been attracted to any of them. And even though there was a big enough difference between men and women to make Brian unquestionably gay, there wasn’t that much of a difference in the basics and even logistics of it. There wasn’t a difference when you had sex with someone you gave a shit about, just a difference between what gender those feelings were generally directed towards. He wanted to just lay down the safe, consensual, and comfortable speech and open up the topic for questions and discussion. But still, he wasn’t looking forward to the awkwardness. He had been planning to hold off for a couple of more days but Lindsay had texted him today and asked whether he was going to fit that into today’s schedule. So whatever, he could do it. It would be one more thing to get off his mind and his to do list.

 

As he arrived at the front of the hotel, he was barely in the lobby before Gus was jumping off of one of the couches and walking towards him.

 

“Thank God you’re here.” Gus told him while walking past and out the door.

 

“Good to see you too.” Brian called after and followed.

 

Brian walked down the steps and stood next to Gus. He could tell his son was annoyed about something as well.

 

“What’s going on, Sonny boy?”

 

Gus shot him a glare that screamed ‘I’m not a baby but too old to say I’m not a baby so take a hint and stop.’

 

He fucking wishes.

 

“Nothing. Mel and Lindsay are pissing me off, that’s all.”

 

Ah, the use of names. He must be pissed.

 

“Not Ma and Mom, huh? That bad?”

 

Gus just shrugged.

 

“Well if you want to talk about it just say the words. You hungry? Pick a place and we’ll go.”

 

They end up catching the train and going down to La Paella in the East Village. He had taken Gus to New York on vacation a couple of times before he moved up. The first time they went, they were both starving and had just chosen La Paella at random. The food had taken a while because they made it fresh but when it finally arrived, it was more or less an orgasm in your mouth. Gus usually made it a point of trying to get Brian to take him there and it sort of became their thing to do. Despite only going there a couple of times more than Gus, they always remembered them. He always left a large tip, so that might be why. It was a small and intimate restaurant and every time they went no one else was there. Maybe it was more of a dinner destination or they just came at a strange time but that was the way it had been every time and as they sat down Brian could see that this time was no exception.

 

“Hello, Hello! How are you both today? Ah, Señor Kinney! It’s been a while! Can I get either of you something to drink?”

 

“I’ll have a glass of the house wine.”

 

“Good choice, sir! And for the young man? Wine as well? Sangria, if you want something sweeter.”

 

Gus’s eyes light up at that and Brian’s eyes roll.

 

“He’s fourteen.”

 

“Aw, it’s Christmas. Or close to it. Back home, the kids always got a glass of wine on the holidays. America is different though.”

 

“We won’t say anything.” Gus tells the waiter clinging onto some remnants of hope for a buzz.

 

“Gus, give it up and order a soda.”

 

Gus sighs and orders a coke, then goes back to his menu.

 

The food is delicious as always and Gus does seem to lighten up a little but still seems a little off. The waiters are on the other side of the room so Brian takes the opportunity to take the first step and ask.

 

“Wanna tell me what’s got you upset with your moms?”

 

“It’s stupid.” Gus mumbles as he stabs a piece of pork with his fork.

 

“Come on. You know it’s going to bug the both of us if you don’t spit it out.”

 

Gus lets out a breath.

 

“They want me to go down to Pittsburgh for a month in the summer to spend time with their parents. They just brought it up like it was already set. I don’t fucking get it. I barely know them and I don’t want to know them any better. Ma’s parents are okay I guess but Mom’s are such conservative snobs. Mom doesn’t even like them! I don’t know if they are trying to mend bridges by using me and Jenny as pawns but I’m not going.”

 

Brian ignores the f-bomb, partly because he doesn’t give a shit, but also because he can see how upset his kid is by this and he is sort of pissed for him. The potential upcoming visit isn’t a huge deal in the long run but sometimes Mel and Lindsay didn’t give the kids enough independence when it came to decision making. Gus was 14 and if he really didn’t want to go and spend time with them then he shouldn’t have to. But he seems so vehement about it.

 

“Are you wanting to spend the summer with your friends? Penelope?”

 

“Yeah. And if I have to go there I will barely get to see them. Because after I go to Pittsburgh, I’m going to come stay here with you for a few weeks, right?”

 

“I’d like you to. But if you want to stay in Toronto so you can see your friends, I’ll understand.”

 

“But then I won’t get to see you.”

 

“Gus, I would go up to Toronto to visit, you know that.”

 

“I like it here though. I like getting breaks from them to see you, Eric, and Lily. I love them but they argue a lot and they are so invasive.”

 

“Okay. You know I want you come here too. I’ll talk to them for you, alright? I’ll try to make sure they know how upsetting this is for you and see if they’ll at least shorten the stay by a couple of weeks.”

 

“Alright. Thanks, dad. You’re the best even though you wouldn’t let me get alcohol.”

 

“I’ll give you a beer on your sixteenth birthday. Maybe.”

 

Gus does lighten up a little at that and they finish their meal in better spirits.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They spend a few hours walking around the East and West Villages. They catch some Australian horror film at the IFC called Babadook. It’s actually pretty frightening and even made Brian feel uneasy while he watched it. They hop on the 2 train after so Brian can show Gus the new house. They won’t get the keys for another couple of weeks but Gus already loves it just by seeing the exterior and they walk along the promenade to look at the view. Around 6, the cab pulls up in front of the apartment. It’s only the two of them there since Eric and Lily went out to dinner with Cynthia and wouldn’t be back until for at least another hour. So Gus and Brian end up playing poker on the coffee table. The apartment’s quiet and Gus seems at ease. Shame he will have to pull him out of it.

 

“So I wanted to talk to you about something.”

 

Gus raises an eyebrow. “What is it?”

 

“How long have you and Penelope been together?”

 

“About three months, why?”

 

“Well, she’s your first girlfriend. You’re fourteen. You’re at an age where a lot changes and urges start to occur...”

 

God damn it, why is this suddenly so hard? He is Brian fucking Kinney, not some elderly sex ed teacher.

 

Gus does get the hint though because his eyes widen and he may be blushing a little.

 

“Uh, Dad? It’s fine, I understand how that stuff works.”

 

“Really? How well?”

 

“Um…”

 

“Gus…have you and Penelope had-“

 

“No! Dad, no. I swear we haven’t. I mean we’ve-…forget it, we’ve done nothing.”

 

Brian knows his kid well enough to know he isn’t completely lying. He’s a shitty liar so that’s easy. Thus, Brian can also tell that he isn’t being completely truthful either. He is guessing that Gus had gotten at least a little lucky and made it to second base but is too embarrassed to tell him.

 

“You know I’m not going to judge you over anything. Not only is it natural, but I would have no right.”

 

“Yeah, no shit.”

 

Brian raises an eyebrow at him and Gus winces a little.

 

“Sorry. I mean, I’ve heard things. Not for a while but Ma has mentioned how you used to be when you were younger and I remember you and Mom arguing about it when you first got with Eric. I just know you’ve hooked up with a lot of men. But it’s different with girls. So you don’t have to-“

 

“I’ve had sex with women, Gus.”

 

Gus gapes at him like that is the most preposterous thing he has ever heard and Brian rolls his eyes at his son’s expression.

 

“You? You’ve slept with women?”

 

“A few. Three, to be exact.”

 

“Wha-…Seriously? Who? Tell me about them.”

 

“I wanted to talk about you, Sonny Boy.”

 

“But you just dropped that like it’s nothing. You’re gay!”

 

“I’m aware.”

 

“I’m just curious.”

 

Whatever. Once Gus hears that his dad actually did sleep with his mom after all, he might gross out and they can get back on topic.

 

“Well, the last time it happened was a mistake. I was 24, really drunk and high, and don’t really remember any of it. I had gone to some breeder party, no offense. It hadn’t been my scene but a coworker had invited me so I decided to go for the free booze. Everyone drank too much, including me, and I woke up next to some woman I barely recognized. I don’t think I got her name. She woke up about the same time I did and asked if I was up for round two. The mere thought grossed me out and had me jumping out of bed, throwing my clothes on, and running out the door.”

 

Gus looks a little embarrassed but snorts at that.

 

“So what? The girls were just one-time hook ups?”

 

“No, I slept with your mom a few times in college. We were even sober the last time. That time had made it absolutely clear to me that I was way more into men and that your mom was more into women. I guess she was my college experimental phase.”

 

Predictably Gus looks horrified and is probably seconds away from covering his ears and asking for brain bleach.

 

“Well, who was the other person?”

 

That takes Brian by surprise. He hadn’t expected Gus to want to know anymore after the Lindsay reveal. He didn’t think of the first girl he had ever slept with very often, but when he did it did hurt just a little bit.

 

“Her name was Maria. We had Advanced Chemistry together. She wasn’t conventionally pretty. Sort of nerdy but cute in her own way, I guess. She was my lab partner and I knew she had a crush on me. I didn’t feel the same of course but I liked talking to her even though she was really shy. We were juniors in high school and I was positive that I was gay at that point since I had been hooking up with other guys at the school plus I had started going to Liberty Avenue to hook up with guys who knew what they were doing. But a small part of me wanted to try sleeping with a woman, just to see what the fuss was about. Plus if I did end up liking it, I might have an easier time.”

 

Gus is listening intently as Brian takes a breath and continues.

 

“I had asked her to hang out after school a few times and we did homework together. I really liked having her as a friend. She had all this knowledge and I liked how that challenged me. Since I knew that she liked me and I was curious, I ended up kissing her and we ended up having sex in my bedroom. It wasn’t bad. I got the job done so I guess I enjoyed it enough. We actually hooked up a couple of times. But I always fantasized about men and sleeping with her didn’t change that in the slightest. I ended up telling her I was gay before she could get too attached. I didn’t want to lead her on more than I already had. Maria was hurt but she still wanted to be friends. We were actually close for a while. She the first person I talked to about being gay, besides Michael, Debbie, and Vic. Her home life was similar to mine and we connected because of that too. She was a friend outside of Mikey. I probably should have invited her to Debbie’s or something but she had a few of her own friends as well and our friendship was a quiet but personal and unique one. We kept in touch for a while after graduating but she got a full ride to UCLA. She had an aunt out there who was willing to help her out as well. So we wrote each other and called once or twice but the long distance charges were a bitch back then so that didn’t happen much. We drifted apart because that’s life and after a while I didn’t think about her much at all. But sometimes people from your past will pop up in your head and one day she did and that made me wonder whether or not she became a doctor like she had wanted to. I googled her online and found her obituary. She had become a surgeon but died a month before I looked her up from cancer. She left a husband and two sons behind.”

 

Gus was looking at him with such sadness and looked like he was seconds away from hugging him because the kid was way too sensitive. Brian hadn’t planned on sharing that much of the story with him. It just sort of poured out. In all honesty, Brian had been surprised about how much that news had upset him at the time. It had been right after he and Justin had broken up and Brian was already feeling stressed out, depressed, and raw due to that. It hadn’t helped his mindset at all. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t shed a few tears for her. He ended up making a huge contribution in her name to a charity the obituary said she supported.

 

“That’s so sad. I’m sorry, Dad.”

 

“We hadn’t spoken since college and it was a long time ago. Now that you know some stuff about me that no one else knows, let’s get back on topic. Gus makes a face but Brian says, “Don’t look at me like that, it’s important. I don’t care if you decide to have sex. Sex is fucking incredible. I personally love it. I know you are young but I started having sex at your age so you need to know the stuff I am about to tell you. One: be safe and wear a condom. I bought you some and if you would need more and you’re too embarrassed to buy them, all you have to do is ask. But I cannot stress enough how important that is. You do not need to knock a girl up or catch an STD, especially in high school. I am not becoming a fucking grandpa any time soon. It’s just not going to happen and if you throw this piece of advice away and make me one I will help you out but have an age crisis and bitch about it the whole time. If you want a kid down the road, make sure you are mature enough and stable enough to support one and it is with someone you like. As for STDs, if you are sleeping with multiple people, get checked frequently.

 

“Dad, I would NEVER cheat on Penelope. I only want to be with Penelope.” Gus heatedly argues and Brian doesn’t mean to scoff but he sort of does.

 

“Even if you are with one person monogamously your entire life and you and Penelope live happily ever after, still get checked out every so often, alright?”

 

Gus nods and Brian continues.

 

“As long as you wear one, you should be fine. Also, you’re young. It’s okay if at one point you start to experiment with what you like and who you do it with. If you end up sleeping with a guy, it doesn’t mean you’re gay just like how sleeping with women didn’t make me straight or even bi. Don’t deny yourself anything like that in fear of a stigma and don’t force yourself to try something you just don’t feel comfortable doing. And don’t let anyone pressure you into doing anything, I don’t care who they are. I know you wouldn’t pressure anyone to do anything they didn’t want to do. You are an amazing person, so I know you know not to do that. But if anyone tries to pressure you, don’t cave in out of obligation. And if anyone manages to force you to do anything, I don’t care if it is a woman or a man, you fucking tell someone. I don’t want you hiding that or brushing it off like it’s nothing. It will end up fucking with your head so if anything like that happens, tell me and your moms and we’ll help you through it, you hear me? If you decide to hook up with someone you don’t know later on and you feel like there is something off and you feel uncomfortable, leave. And if you need to talk about something, whether it is sex, not wanting to have sex yet, any kind of confusion, or if anything happens that you just need to get off your chest, you know I’m not going to judge you. Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed if you need advice or just someone to talk to.”

 

“Okay, Dad. I get it. I promise I’ll talk to you if I need advice.” Gus tells him, still a bit embarrassed but otherwise okay.

 

“Good. I love you, Sonny boy. I just want you to be safe.”

 

“I know, Dad. I love you too.”

 

Brian stacks the cards and gets up off the floor. He walks over to where his son is still sitting and kisses the top of his head. He feels Gus lean his head against him and even though Brian still has a lot on his mind, having his son here makes it a little easier to deal with.

The 28th comes along and Brian is trying to get Lily to settle down. Lily is out of her mind with excitement since today is the day that her Grandma Debbie and Grandpa Carl are coming in. She had started calling them that on her own since JR called them that and Lily hero worshipped her every so often. She didn’t really have anyone else who fit into the role of a grandparent. She did call Eric’s father Grandpa James and Eric’s mother Abuela Luisa as a formality. They did genuinely seem to care about her and like her when they had come to visit her a few times but Lily was smart. She knew that they didn’t like Brian and that they were cold to Eric. And for a girl who rarely ever met a stranger, it was almost disconcerting how much she closed up around them and would cling onto Brian’s leg in a form of silent solidarity. She seemed to like her Aunt Amanda and Uncle George okay when she met them but they weren’t close to their brother either so they rarely came around and they themselves had only gone down to North Carolina to visit once for Eric’s grandfather’s funeral. She has never met Cynthia’s mother. Even though Lily doesn’t know that Cynthia is her biological mother yet, they had planned for Cynthia’s mother to meet her at one point but she ended up getting alcohol poisoning and Cynthia decided that she really didn’t want Lily around that. It had been a relief because Brian and Eric honestly didn’t either but didn’t want to hurt Cynthia’s feelings by saying so. She had never met Joan or Claire. They wouldn’t see her as family anyway and Brian didn’t want to put her through that. He felt like she wouldn’t warm up to them either and Brian would rather have her be her talkative and hyperactive self rather than some shy and quiet pod person. Most of the time.

 

He wishes she would settle down now though. Don’t get him wrong, Brian loves Lily ridiculously so. His friends would still get a little taken aback when it came to how open and loving he was around her. That didn’t mean she didn’t drive him insane. Ever since he reminded her this morning that her Grandma Debbie and Grandpa Carl were coming in, she has been off the walls. It doesn’t take a lot. She got like this whenever she knew someone was coming to visit but about other things too. She got like this when they told her they were seeing The Lion King on Broadway. She got like this when they went to Build-a-Bear. She had even gotten like this a few months ago when Dora and Friends: Into the City premiered on Nickelodeon. Eric made popcorn for her and that led her to believe it was an exciting and groundbreaking occasion. He doesn’t know why they still watch Dora. Eric usually says that he wants her to watch it because she should be connected to her heritage but she’s only a quarter Mexican and while that’s a significant amount, why does she have to watch it several times a week? And in all honesty, Lily’s Spanish is actually pretty good already since Eric is fluent and has worked with her. But sometimes, plopping her in front of the television got her to settle down.

 

“-And I can show Grandma Debbie my new dresses and we can bake cookies together and we can walk around the park-“ Lily continued as she stood next to Brian’s seat as she jumped up and down.

 

“Go watch Dora. I think they play it around this time.”

 

“They do?!”

 

“Even if they don’t you can put a movie in as long as you settle down. Jesus, kid. You’re jumping off the walls.”

 

Lily has the decency to look bashful for maybe three seconds before running over to the television and finding Nickelodeon.

 

“Daddy, this is Bubble Guppies. I don’t like Bubble Guppies.”

 

“Since when?”

 

“Since now. It’s for babies.”

 

Brian sighed and got up to look through Lily’s DVDs and picked a few for her.

 

“Which one do you want to watch? Anastasia, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, or The Wizard of Oz?”

 

“Um….”

 

Brian wants to throw his hands up in the air and say fuck it when Lily starts doing Eeenie Meenie Miney Moe. However, he does smile a little when she looks up at him with a grin and says, “My DADDY! told me to pick the very best one and you shall be it!”

 

Her little left pointer finger lands on The Wizard of Oz so Brian puts it in and sits down on the couch. Lily is on the floor in front of the television for a little bit but takes Brian by surprise by jumping into his lap when the witch comes out.

 

Brian and Lily hear the door open and Eric walks in and hangs up his coat. He walks over and kisses Lily on her cheek. He bends down to give Brian a kiss and Brian reaches up to pull him in by the nape of his neck to press his lips against Eric’s. Eric does a double take and smiles.

 

“You shaved your beard!”

 

Brian snorts and rubs his jaw.

 

“I think it took Lily a few seconds to recognize me when she woke up.”

 

“You had it for a few months. I missed looking at that face.” Eric tells him as he nuzzles and kisses Brian’s cheek.

 

“Papa, you’re blocking the TV,” Lily says as she exaggeratedly tilts her head to see the screen.

 

“I’m sorry, baby.”

 

Eric goes on the other side of Lily and sits down. Brian looks over his daughter’s head to talk to him.

 

“How did the meeting go?”

 

“Good. Bensonhurst is so out of the way though. I was on the D train for at least an hour there and and possibly longer back. I’m glad I left here early. I heard it was sketchy but it didn’t look that bad. It’ll be a good place for a synagogue. The lot they have is close to the beach. I have to figure out some extra precautions though in case another Hurricane Sandy hits.”

 

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

 

“Strong foundation, thick walls, build up the first floor so it’s pretty far above ground. Shouldn’t be too hard since they want it made out of stone. The city gave the community a grant for it so the extra work won’t be coming out of their pockets too much.”

 

“That’s good. You have the designs drawn out?”

 

“Yeah, a few of them actually. They are wanting to go old school and have an intricate Renaissance style building so I’ve drawn out some potential carvings as well.”

 

“Would you show them to me later? I want to see them.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Brian and Eric had talked a little more after Brian had gotten back from the office yesterday. He tried to be more open and make sure Eric knew how sorry he was for being such an asshole on Christmas. Things were still a little tender and shaky but they were getting back to normal. In the long run, that one night would probably end up being just some stupid thing that had happened but Brian still made sure that Eric knew that they could go out for New Year’s like they originally planned rather than go to Justin’s gallery. Eric had shot down backing out though and said, “We already said we would go. The rest of our family will be there as well. Just play nicer this time, alright?” Brian had agreed but he was nervous to face Justin again. He didn’t want to apologize. Justin knew him well enough to know that if he behaved differently it meant that he knew he was a dick so maybe he wouldn’t have to. He’d figure it out.

 

“We still going out to eat for dinner later?”

 

“Yeah Debbie and Carl’s flight got in this morning and we’ll meet them plus Michael, Ben, Hunter, and the kids around 5:30 at Carmine’s.”

 

“Fuck, Brian.” Eric quickly looks at Lily to see if she caught that but she’s too wrapped up in the Cowardly Lion’s song, “That’s close to Port Authority. At rush hour too.”

 

“We have a reservation. It should be fine.”

 

“Still not looking forward to walking through that though.”

 

“You and me both. But Debbie wanted to go for their ‘enormous portions at an affordable price.’ It’s supposed to be good but I told her I would take her somewhere classier and not as crowded. Debbie’s not really about that though.”

 

“That’s true. I hope Lily doesn’t want to walk around. You’d think she would have had enough of Times Square.”

 

“No. I like Times Square.” Lily tells them distractedly as she watches her movie, “We going now?”

 

Eric sighs and ruffles her hair. He gets up to start making lunch for Lily and asks if Brian wants anything. Brian tells him no because he has eaten way too much these last few days and he is going to be eating a shit ton of carbs tonight, so no thank you.

 

After Lily eats her peanut butter and jelly sandwich and finishes the movie, she starts to get restless. Brian ends up taking her to the small and enclosed park a few blocks down while Eric takes a nap since he got up at 5 am. They walk down and Lily is about to dart off when Brian says, “Hey! Get back here!”

 

Lily reluctantly walks back towards Brian.

 

“You know the rules. Stay close to where I can see you. If you can’t see me then you better be finding me in 10 seconds. I am going to be at that bench right next to the swings, alright? Do not go past that flagpole over there.”

 

“Okay, Daddy.”

 

Lily ran off to play with a little boy and girl around her age on the tire swing and Brian fended off a couple of mothers’ advances. Women who would flirt and compliment him on how beautiful his daughter happened pretty frequently.

 

“She is an absolute doll. With those dark ringlets and those big brown eyes.”

 

“Yeah, she takes more after her father.”

 

“Oh...yes, I suppose I can see a little bit of you in her. You are very handsome and it’s obvious she’ll grow up to be gorgeous.”

 

“I meant her other father.”

 

“...So she’s your step-daughter?”

 

“No, she’s my daughter.”

 

“Oh....Oh! Okay. Well, it was nice talking to you.” They would usually say as they blushed and walked away.

 

It may be awful but Brian always enjoyed making those women a little uncomfortable.

 

Every once in a while Brian would hear Lily say, “Daddy! Watch this!” and she would go down a slide or climb a few feet on the jungle gym. She was having fun and staying pretty close. Of course it is when Brian takes his eyes off of her for a second to answer Michael’s text when he hears her crying.

 

Brian is off the bench in a heartbeat and running over to Lily. Even with her jeans on, she managed to fall and scrape her knee so bad that she was bleeding through the denim.

 

“Hey! Shhh, let me see.”

 

Lily is sobbing so hard that she’s hiccuping her breaths in and out. Brian rolls up her pants leg and tries to be careful of the wound and shit, it looks painful.

 

“Calm down, it’s okay. What happened?”

 

Lily, with tears streaming down her face, suddenly fills with rage and points to a red-headed boy around six or so at the top of the slide and yells, “He p-pushed me off the ladder!”

 

“Did not!” the little shit bastard yells down with a fucking smirk on his face.

 

“YOU DID TOO!!!!!” Lily screams up at him, her face red with anger and her nose dripping with snot.

 

“Baby, forget about him. He’ll grow up and amount to nothing,” Brian shoots the fucker another glare as he runs past him to go back up the slide, “I’ll carry you back to the apartment, okay? Put your arms around my neck.”

 

Lily does and swings her legs around Brian’s torso, only to keep crying into the right side of his neck. He starts to walk away from the scene of the crime when the mother of the demon spawn comes up to him.

 

“Sir, I assure you that Colton would never push her. He’s a good boy. She probably just took a hard fall and wanted someone to blame because she’s upset.”

 

“Bullshit! He could have made her break something! Now go control your sociopath of a kid!” Brian snaps, causing the woman to recoil. He opens the fence and leaves the park.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Brian gets Lily into the living room, gently sits her on the couch, and goes to get the first aid kit that Eric keeps in the bathroom.

 

“I’m going to clean your knee before I bandage it up, okay?”

 

“‘K-Kay…” Lily whimpers off as Brian gently cleans her knee with a wet soapy washcloth and makes sure there isn’t any gravel stuck in her knee. Her little hands were scraped in the fall as well so he cleaned those too. As he puts antibiotic ointment on her, he tries to distract her by getting her to talk about Disney shit. She gets through it and Brian is ready to bandage up her knee.

 

“Pick a bandage.”

 

“Minnie Mouse…” She tell him quietly, still sniffling. Brian ends up having to use gauze and tape, then a couple of Minnie Mouse bandages on top to keep Lily satisfied.

 

It’s then when Eric comes out of the bedroom and looks over to where Brian is bandaging up her knee.

 

“What happened, honey?” he says as he rushes over to Lily so he can sit next to her and stroke her hair.

 

“I was going up the slide because I wanted to go down the slide and I was only a few steps away from the top but a really mean boy grabbed me and said, ‘Get out of the way, brat!’ I’m not a brat! But he shoved me off the ladder and I got a boo-boo on my knee and my hands too! I hate him!”

 

“The kid just fucking smirked about it too. His mother refused to believe that her precious angel was an asshole.”

 

“Yeah! He fuck-ing smirked about it!” Lily confirms, slightly stumbling over the new word.

 

“Lily Piper!” Eric then shot Brian a glare, who just shrugs, kisses her bandaged knee, and gets up off the floor.

 

“Give her a pass. She’s upset.”

 

“She can have one but not you. Don’t say that word in front of her.”

 

“You did earlier.”

 

“Yeah, well...she was distracted!” Eric says, trying to hold in a laugh.

 

“Uh huh. Seriously though, he really did smirk. I wanted to knock him off the slide and see how he liked it.”

 

“How old was he?”

 

“I don’t know, maybe six?”

 

“And he pushed a three year old?!”

 

“3 and a half.” Lily says, “More than that. My birthday is coming up real soon.”

 

“It’s not for another three months, nine days, and…” Eric pauses and looks at the clock, “five hours.”

 

“Nuh uh. I will be four next Wednesday.”

 

“I beg to differ.”

 

“Maybe she hit her head,” Brian says as he squints his eyes at her.

 

Eric looks sharply at Lily, takes her face in his hands and checks her pupils.

 

“Does your head hurt?”

 

“No, my knee hurts. I told you that. And my hands. See?” Lily says as she shows Eric the scrapes she got when she caught herself.

 

“Well, if your head starts hurting you tell us. And you aren’t going to be four next Wednesday.”

 

“Why not?” Lily pouts.

 

“Because you just aren’t and I want you to stay little forever,” Eric tells her as he lifts her into his lap and hugs her.

 

“Papa, I’m not little!” Lily tells Eric as she struggles, but then starts giggling when Eric starts tickling her and blowing raspberries on her neck.

 

“Sorry to interrupt the father-daughter moment, but we all need to get dressed and out the door soon.”

 

Lily jumps up and winces at the sting that her knee gives her. She doesn’t let it get to her though because she twirls around on her good leg, leaps, and runs for her bedroom.

 

“I wanna wear my blue dress you got me! I HAVE to wear that one.” Lily says as she takes Brian’s hand to drag him to her room.

 

“Lily, you’d have to wear tights with that. You need to wear something more comfortable so it won’t touch your knee so much. Be practical.”

 

Lily spins around to face him with pursed lips and puts her hands on her hips.

 

“And what am I gonna wear, Daddy? Huh?”

 

Such a drama princess.

 

“Your black pants and your red sweater.”

 

“Um, no.”

 

After shooting down a few of Brian’s suggestions, Lily finally agrees to wear sweatpants but only under the ankle length Rapunzel dress that Brian bought her a few days before Christmas. She is the only person he knows who can pull that look off.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Grandma Debbieee!!!” Lily squeals from Eric’s arms as they enter Carmine’s.

 

Eric puts Lily down in front of Debbie and Carl where they proceed give her hugs and kisses.

 

“Grandma, wanna see my dress?”

 

Lily takes off her coat and gives it to Eric, then spins around so Debbie and Carl can get a 360 degree view.

 

“Oh sweetheart, you look absolutely gorgeous! Look at you!” Debbie says to her.

 

“Just like a princess!” Carl adds.

 

“Thank you. Daddy got it for me because it’s the best dress ever.”

 

Brian tries to hide a scowl as Debbie laughs and goes over to pat Brian on the cheek.

 

“How are you doing, kid?” Debbie asks him as she kisses his cheek.

 

“Okay,” He answers her honestly. He has a feeling that she has been caught up by now on how he acted at Emmett and Drew’s.

 

“Yeah, we’ll talk about that later,” Debbie says to him quietly before going over to squeeze Eric in her affectionate grip.

 

“Where is everyone else?” Eric asks as Debbie releases him.

 

“They should be on their way. They ended up going to some panel that Ben was interested in going to. How they got the kids to agree to go, I’ll never know.”

 

Michael, Ben, and Hunter bring Gus and JR with them and get there a few minutes after they did. Gus sits on his father’s right side and Eric sits on his left. Lily is on the other side of Eric and next to JR and the other five people in their makeshift family are on the other side of the table and suddenly Brian feels like he and Eric are sitting on the kid’s side of the table.

 

“So Eric, what’s new?” Debbie asks him as twirls her pasta with her fork.

 

“Well, I have a new project in Brooklyn designing a renaissance style synagogue.”

 

“Oh, I bet it will be beautiful. Post pictures when you’re done so we can see it. Maybe Carl and I will take a trip down to see it in person once you finish it! What else?”

 

“Brian taught Lily a new word today.”

 

“Jesus, which one?”

 

Eric covers his mouth on the right side so Lily can’t see and whispers, “Fuck.”

 

“Oh Brian, why?”

 

Brian scoffs and gives Debbie a look.

 

“Don’t look at me like that. It wasn’t intentional and she has the vocabulary of a 1st grader so it was only a matter of time.”

 

“But still-“

 

“She even used it properly. Granted, she was just copying what I said but I heard the anger in her voice. My little genius…” Brian says as he reaches around Eric to pet her on the head.

 

“And what were you so angry about, Kinney?”

 

“Some Damien wannabe pushed her off the top of the slide. Never was a huge fan of an eye for an eye until that happened.”

 

“Yeah, Grandma! He pushed me off the ladder and hurt my knee. There was a bunch of blood too. He was really mean.”

 

“He fu-sounds it! I hope his mother knows what a brat he is!”

 

“She didn’t care. Basically accused Lily of making it up so I told her off and we left.”

 

Debbie looks over at Lily with a sympathetic look on her face.

 

“Are you feeling better now, sweetheart?”

 

“My knee still hurts some but I feel MUCH better now that I got spaghetti.”

 

“Spaghetti does tend to make things a lot better, yes,” Debbie tells her seriously as she goes back to her own pasta.

 

“Brian, speaking of her vocabulary, she is very advanced for her age. She seems like she has gained a lot of words in the last few months even. Have the two of you thought about getting her tested to see what areas she’s gifted in?” Ben asks them.

 

“We did.” Both Brian and Eric say in unison. They look at each other and Eric is the one to elaborate.

 

“We actually did a month before we moved here. She’s still young but they think at the rate that she is going, she will be at or near a genius IQ level, if she’s not already there. Her math skills are above average. She understands addition and subtraction already. It’s her vocabulary and memory levels that are off the charts. She knows the state capitals. She knows how to say the alphabet forwards and backwards. She knows the planets. She picks up speech and language at a really advanced rate. She also knows how to spell and write her name and a lot of other words as well. She has figured out how to sound out words and is reading now too. She comprehends children’s books easily. She is almost at the same level with those things when it comes to Spanish too. It made Brian want to become fluent because he felt left out, didn’t it babe?”

 

Brian rolled his eyes but didn’t deny it because Eric knew he was on the mark since Brian had been practicing with them and had been getting better.

 

Brian couldn’t deny that he was very proud of how smart she was. But he would be proud of her even if she was like any other almost 4 year old. He was proud of both of his kids and JR too.

 

Hey Lily, say the alphabet backwards,” Michael says to her. Lily throws down her fork and takes on the challenge.

 

“ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA!”

 

“Good job!” several of them tell her and Debbie claps.

 

They part from the rest of the group with Gus and JR in tow and make it back to their apartment for the evening. He hasn’t had all three kids since the summer and he is both looking forward to it and dreading it because he really needs to get laid tonight and he feels like Gus and JR will be easier to wake up if he or Eric get too loud. He’ll wait until the kids are asleep but he needs to get off.

 

And the kids seem to be working in his favor. They stay up for a while to play a couple of board games. Lily ends up getting really tired so Eric takes her to her bed and JR sleeps next to her while Gus stays up for a while longer. Gus ends up getting tired by 10 pm and passes out on the couch, which is really unlike him when he doesn’t have school. So by 10:05, Brian takes Eric to their bedroom and by 10:10 he has his face buried in Eric’s ass and is flicking his tongue in his hole. He adds a finger, then two fingers, and Eric muffles a moan against his pillow. He pulls his fingers out along with his tongue and tenderly kisses Eric’s cheeks and lower back, slowly leading himself back up to Eric’s shoulders. He takes a hold of his cock and lines it up with Eric’s hole and slowly pushes in. Eric arches his back at the intrusion and Brian lets himself sink in gradually.

 

Brian really wants to let loose but he knows that it might cause the two of them to get loud so he keeps his thrusts steady, quickens his pace, and doesn’t fuck Eric as hard as he’d like to but it feels so fucking good anyway. Eric’s cock is rock hard and is dripping with pre-cum so Brian lets himself come in Eric’s ass and flips him over so he can suck him off. Eric lasts less than a minute and shoots his load into Brian’s mouth.

 

“That was…fuck…” Eric manages to gasp out as his eyes close a little.

 

“Fantastic?”

 

“Yeah…” Eric confirms as he starts to drift off.

 

“Tired already? I thought you took a nap today.”

 

“I only actually slept for a half hour. I’m so tired…” Eric tells him.

 

Brian takes sympathy and kisses his shoulder.

 

“I’ll get a washcloth and clean you off.”

 

“Mmm, that’d be nice…”

 

Brian goes into the bathroom connected to their bedroom and gets a washcloth from the bathroom closet. He gets it a little damp with warm water so he can clean off his partner. Eric is basically in and out of consciousness as Brian cleans him and when Brian takes the washcloth back to the bathroom and cleans himself up. When he comes back, Eric is asleep. It’s not even 11 yet so Brian decides to read. He’s a few pages into a book when his phone starts to vibrate on the nightstand. He picks it up and sees Debbie’s name on the screen.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Wanna come downstairs so I can get you a drink? I would have brought pot but didn’t want to be frisked at the airport,” he hears her voice say as she cackles.

 

“Debbie, what the hell? Did you come here by yourself?”

 

“I’ll have you know that I can take care of myself, thank you very much. I have pepper spray on me. Now come on. There’s a bar open across the street.”

 

“…Fine.”

 

“See ya in a few!” Debbie chirps before he hears the click on the line.

 

Brian quietly gets dressed and writes a quick note telling Eric, “Apparently going bar hopping with Debbie Novotny” in case he wakes up before he gets back. He goes out the door and locks it behind him, then takes the elevator down and sees Debbie sitting in the lobby. She sees him approach her and she gives him a big smile.

 

“Mind telling me why you’re here at 11 o’ clock at night?”

 

“The night’s just started. The Brian I knew 10 years ago would just be picking up his first trick of the night. Can’t a lady have a little bit of fun too?”

 

“You’re 63.”

 

“Don’t age shame me! Now get that cute little butt out the door!”

 

Brian raises his eyebrow in skepticism but obeys her. She makes small talk with him as they walk and they make their way into the breeder bar across the street from his building. It’s not very crowded so Brian and Debbie get seats at the bar and order drinks.

 

“So I heard that you finally saw Justin again.”

 

Brian looks over at her but then goes back to staring straight ahead and doesn’t say anything.

 

“In all honesty, it took you both long enough. It’s been hard on us, you know? Moving things around because you both were too chicken shit to face each other. We didn’t want either of you to be upset or uncomfortable.”

 

“You didn’t have to.”

 

“Yes, we did. Because every time Justin’s name was brought up you would flinch and we could tell how much it upset you, even after Eric came into the picture. And the times that Justin came up to visit and we asked you to come visit too, you refused. There were times when Justin did the same thing. We didn’t want to have you both come without any warning that the other would be there because that wouldn’t be fair to the two of you. I know how fucking hurt you were. I hated seeing you so upset and heartbroken. I wasn’t going to push you into something you weren’t ready for.”

 

“I get it, Mother. But you can stop worrying now. I’m a big boy and I can handle it,” Brian tells her sarcastically as he sips his beam.

 

“Then why did you give Justin and Nathan a hard time at Emmett’s?”

 

“I wasn’t that bad.”

 

“My son told me differently.”

 

“Your son is a snitch.”

 

“Ah, you know me. I was pressing him for some juicy gossip.”

 

Brian just shakes his head because he figured.

 

“I wanna know if you are alright.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“What about you and Eric?”

 

“We’re good now.”

 

“I’m glad. He’s a good man. I really think the two of you are fantastic together. And I know how much you love him-”

 

“We’re getting married.”

 

Debbie puts her hand to her mouth and her eyes fill a little with tears.

 

“Oh, honey. I’m so happy for you. Did you ask him or-"

 

“He asked me. Got down on one knee in Chicago like I was some maiden in waiting,” Brian snorts as he takes another sip.

 

“I would have paid to see that.”

 

“I told Justin before I told anyone else. I took him aside into the hall when no one was watching. I was a fucking asshole about it.”

 

“I’m not that surprised. You tended to bring out the best in each other but sometimes the worst too.”

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

“You’re coming to his gallery on New Year’s, right?”

 

Brian nods.

 

“I know it’s rough for you to be around him, even after all this time. I know it probably hurts to see him with another man. But remember that you are with someone else too, Brian. You have a wonderful partner and a beautiful little girl with him. Don’t strain that because you and Justin are in the same city again. And I think you should be a little bit grateful to Justin. If it weren’t for him, you would probably still be turning tricks every night and you might have never been tempted to build the center in the first place. He taught you how to love and in a way helped you achieve what you have now.”

 

Brian stays silent. He never really thought of it that way but deep down he knows she’s right. He can’t think of how his life would have progressed if Justin or Eric hadn’t entered it. He probably wouldn’t be nearly as close with Gus. He wouldn’t have Lily at all. He would be so empty and lonely but probably wouldn’t even know it.

 

“And he’s going through a really rough time right now. Take it easy on him.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I shouldn’t be saying this. I should keep my mouth shut. But I have had a little too much to drink and I’m gonna tell you anyway. I met with Jennifer for a little bit after I got in. We had lunch together, just us girls, and caught up. I guess Craig called Justin while he was at Emmett’s. He was drunk and crying over the phone. I guess he finally saw what an asshole he was to his son and drunk dialed him. Justin was so worried and upset that he left without saying anything to Jennifer. He hadn’t spoken to his dad since Craig had him arrested in Pittsburgh. He’s in a hard place right now because of that.”

 

As Debbie speaks, Brian feels a deep wave of guilt and worry hit him. Fucking Craig. He always hated the bastard. Brian clears the lump out of his throat.

 

“Is Justin okay?”

 

“I don’t know. I haven’t gotten to see him yet. I think Carl, Michael, Ben, and I are going to meet Justin and the rest of his family and do something tomorrow. The girls might come too but it’s not set in stone. But just keep it in mind that he’s going through that, alright?”

 

Brian nods and gets his wallet out to pay for the drinks but Debbie stops him.

 

“I’ll get our drinks and the tip. You paid for our tickets and our hotel rooms. It is the very least I can do.”

 

Debbie puts down some money for the bartender and they leave. Debbie is about to walk back to the train but Brian stops her. She’s had a little too much and, while she’s not drunk, he feels uncomfortable letting her go back so late by herself especially with the transfer she would need to take. Brian is calculating where she can sleep in the apartment, but a couple of cabs pass by and Brian manages to get one to pull over and Debbie gets in. He makes her take some money to cover the fare. He waves her off and goes back up to the silent apartment.

 

The living room is pretty dark and he doesn’t want to turn the light on and wake up Gus so he just turns the light on in the kitchen and that’s just enough to see what’s around him in the other room. He feels something heavy inside him and he knows he won’t get to sleep soon but he can’t just sit here and do nothing. He feels even guiltier about what happened now. Craig’s call had to have happened after Brian talked to him. He seemed mostly okay before that. And he knows that Justin wouldn’t have been able to brush a call like that off. If the situation were reversed and Joan called Brian crying over him or whatever, he would be fucked up over it too. It had to be even worse for Justin because at one point in his life, he actually had a good relationship with his father. But it’s not like Brian can do anything about it.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

He doesn’t mean to go through Eric’s wallet. He really doesn’t.

 

But Justin had given his card to them in case they needed anything and now Brian needs to call Justin.

 

He looks at the card and sees that it has his personal cell as well. He sneaks back out into the hallway and with shaky hands, Brian dials the number.

 

It rings a few times and Brian is ready to chicken out and hang up but he hears Justin’s voice on the line.

 

“Hello?”

 

Brian’s throat dries up and he can’t speak. He tries to get a sound out but suddenly he doesn’t know what to say.

 

“Dad, is that you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Brian?”

 

“…Yeah. Hey.”

 

“Hey?”

 

Brian doesn’t say anything because he didn’t plan this out. He is supposed to be good with words but he can’t figure out what to say. He hears Justin sigh.

 

“Why are you calling, Brian? It’s almost 1 am.”

 

“I don’t know. I wanted to check up on you.”

 

“Well, all is well. You know, you have some nerve. The way you acted at-“

 

“Debbie and I got drunk and she told me your dad called. I know that you’re not okay.”

 

He can hear Justin take a few deep breaths.

 

“Debbie told you? So it’s just going through the grapevine now, is that it?”

 

“Don’t be mad at her. I don’t think she meant to.”

 

“Well, it’s none of your business. I can take care of it myself.”

 

“Fine. Forget I even called. Maybe I’ll say hi to you and your boyfriend on New Year’s.”

 

Brian is about to hang up but he hears Justin say, “Brian, wait.”

 

Brian stops and keeps the phone against his ear.

 

“What?”

 

“…I don’t know what to do.”

 

“I figured.”

 

“What am I supposed to say to him?”

 

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

 

“I know but he was so fucking upset and hard on himself. Molly told me some stuff and I think he might be depressed or having a breakdown. I wish I could ignore that but I can’t. It has kept me up the last couple of nights and I can’t stand thinking of him like that but he hurt me so fucking m-much and I don’t want to get hurt again,” Justin’s voice cracks as he starts to get overwhelmed. And it makes Brian's heart ache.

 

“I know, Sunshine. You don’t deserve this. Do what you think is best for you, not for him.”

 

“I don’t know what is best.”

 

“…If my mother called me trying to apologize after all these years and was a wreck while doing it, it would piss me off. But fuck, I know it would mess me up too. I tell myself that I made my own family and I don’t need Joan and Claire. But I can be fucking weak. If I thought they were genuinely trying to patch things up and wanted to get to know me, I would be on my guard, but I would probably end up giving them a chance. Because my family actually giving a shit and accepting me was the thing I wanted the most for a really long time.”

 

Justin lets out a sob and Brian hears him sniffle and quickly get himself under control.

 

“I wish you could have had that, Brian.”

 

“I’m happy with what I have.”

 

“I know you are. I’m glad you are happy.”

 

“But what I mean is that if you think you want to give him a chance, go ahead and do it. Don’t forgive and forget because fuck that. He has to work for it. But do it for you, not for him.”

 

“I’m thinking about it. It’s just hard.”

 

They both don’t say anything for a few seconds. Justin decides to change the subject.

 

“Did Lily hang up her painting?”

 

Brian lets out a laugh, “Yeah, even though we’re moving to Brooklyn soon and she’ll have to hang it up again at the house. She named the princess Lily the Second and you already know about Chico. She told JR all about it even though JR could see it for herself.”

 

“I’m glad she saw the resemblance with the princess.” Justin laughs.

 

Brian clears his throat.

 

“I better get back inside. Everyone is already asleep so I should head to bed. I just called to check up on you…and to say I’m sorry. About what happened last time. I was a dick.”

 

“You were. Although hearing you apologize is sort of shocking.”

 

“I’ve grown up a bit.”

 

“Yeah, you really have. I’m glad this is ending on a better note. But can you promise me you’ll be nicer to Nathan too the next time you see him?”

 

“I’ll try.”

 

“Please do. Don’t feel too guilty about it, but Christmas is an awful day for him.”

 

“What, is he Jewish?”

 

“No,” Justin takes a breath, “His mother killed herself on Christmas when he was a kid. He never tried to celebrate it since.”

 

“Fuck…”

 

“You didn’t know, Brian. But he’s had a really hard life and that was just part of it. It would mean a lot if you try to be less intimidating next time. And don't tell him I told you that. I shouldn't have. Molly doesn't even know. I'm as bad as Debbie, I guess."

 

“I’ll be nicer to him.”

 

“Goodnight, Brian. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

 

“Yeah, okay. Bye.”

 

Brian hangs up and waits another minute before he goes back inside. He needs to catch his breath because for some reason he feels like that phone call was monumental.

“Brian! Which shirt?”

 

Brian follows Eric’s voice to the bedroom and sees his partner in just a towel going through his drawer. He comes up behind him and takes the towel off.

 

“Neither. Get on the bed.”

 

Eric scrambles for his towel and puts it back on.

 

“Lily is up and we have to drop her off soon! She is not going to end her year by walking in on her dads fucking. Now which shirt?”

 

Brian lets out a put-upon sigh, then looks at the two shirts Eric is holding up.

 

“The black one. It goes well with your hair and brings out your eyes.”

 

“Aw, pumpkin…” Eric tells him as he plants a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

 

“Call me pumpkin again and see what happens.”

 

“Pump-kin.” Eric enunciates before Brian tosses him on the bed.

 

Brian pins Eric’s arms above his head and starts sucking at his neck. He grinds his hard-on against him and Eric lets out a moan.

 

“Brian, we can’t. Lily is out in the living room and she-”

 

“If she hears anything, we’ll just tell her that we were exercising. I’ll be quick, I promise. I just need to be inside of you.”

 

Eric looks at him and sees something desperate in Brian’s eyes. Things with Brian have been good. Hell, they’ve been good for years. They had fought over how Brian acted at Christmas but they patched that up. However, the last couple of days Brian had been a little needy and he isn’t sure why. He knows that Brian has problems with abandonment so maybe their argument had caused him to become insecure. As far as he knew, things were okay outside of their relationship besides some work stress. So the fight that Eric had already put behind him was the only thing he could really think of. That and the party they were about to go to. Brian might feel nervous about facing Justin and worried that he’ll fuck up again. And, as much as Eric doesn’t want that to be the case, he doesn’t want Brian to feel that way. So Eric finds his legs spreading and Brian lowers his pants and boxer briefs just low enough to let his dick spring free.

 

“Alright, alright. Just be quiet. And put a condom on, okay? I just took a shower.”

 

Brian sighs and reaches over to the nightstand and searches around for a condom. It’s honestly shocking how much Brian loves the connection and feeling they get when they have sex without anything between them. Don’t get him wrong, Eric loved it too. And while he thought it was a huge step in a relationship, he knew Brian was a huge advocate for safe sex and never even considered doing it until he was in his mid-thirties. It was smart of him due to his old lifestyle but he used to be so repulsed by the idea. Eric hadn’t needed it by any means. However, it had been something he imagined doing with a committed partner one day. When Eric asked about it, Brian hesitantly told him it was because of something that had happened with his gym teacher when he was 14 years old and stupid. Despite that setting off alarms in his head and going into instant concern for his partner, Eric knew not to push the subject. He knew Brian didn’t want to talk about it but since Brian was seeing a therapist at the time, he did ask him to bring it up with Dr. Tessler and Brian had when Eric wasn’t asked to come along. But Brian had opened up a little about it with Eric eventually and, even though he had been relatively vague about it, it had been an emotional night for both of them.

 

However, Eric knows that he wasn’t the first man to consensually have sex raw with Brian. He knew that Brian had only consented to that one other time before him and that was with Justin when they were engaged. It was probably another reason Brian had been hesitant to open himself up like that to someone again. But on an eventful night about almost three years ago, they were about to make love and Brian had looked down at him and told him he was ready then asked if they could skip the condom this time. They talked about it after and made sure the other knew they had to be open if one of them ever slipped up. But they had been fucking without them ever since, no matter who was topping who. Unless they wanted a quick clean fuck like tonight, they had just become accustomed to going without.

 

Brian slips the condom on and enters Eric and Eric stifles his groan at the intrusion. He turns his head a little and takes his eyes off Brian when the pleasure builds but Brian starts stroking his cheek and asks him to look at him. Eric does and they don’t break eye contact until after they come.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“You okay?”

 

Brian hears Eric’s voice from across the room and turns his head to look at him. Eric is pulling on the black shirt and after he gets it over his head he gives Brian a look of scrutiny and concern.

 

“Great. Never better.”

 

“Okay. You would tell me if something was wrong? If you were upset or worried about something?”

 

“Jesus, Eric. You know I would. I would tell you first if something was wrong. What have I done to make you think something was wrong?”

 

Eric shrugs and looks away.

 

“I don’t know. You’ve just seemed a little shaky the last couple days. Like you need reassurance.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Nothing. I just want you to know that I love you and that I’m over the fight we had so you don’t have to worry about that if you have been.”

 

“I know you’re over it. I’m fine, Eric.”

 

Eric nods and doesn’t say anything else and now Brian has one more thing to feel bad about so he goes over to him.

 

“I love you too. Everything’s fine. Just stress,” he tells him as he kisses his forehead. Eric nods and brings Brian in for a kiss.

 

“I’m going to get Lily’s overnight bag packed,” Eric tells him. As soon as he leaves the room, Brian sits down on the bed.

 

He feels so fucking guilty.

 

It’s a relatively new emotion for him. One that he really only started experiencing when he started entering relationships. And of course this time around it involved the only two people he had ever been in love with.

 

Eric was the most understanding and patient man. He really was and Brian loved that he was so innately good. He balanced Brian out and kept him a little more in line when it came to his brash side. But he knew that if Eric found out that Brian had not one, but two late night phone conversations with Justin that he didn’t bother to tell him about, he would be pissed. He wouldn’t leave Brian just for that but it would take longer than a few days for Eric to get over the betrayal of him calling his ex-fiancé late at night without even mentioning it to him.

 

It wasn’t as though he and Justin had phone sex or even talked about yearning for each other’s presence or some shit like that. The first time they had talked it had been because Brian was concerned over Justin’s situation with his dad. It had been a spur of the moment thing that had been driven by a need to comfort Justin in some small way and take the sourness of their last encounter off of both of their minds. He wouldn’t have felt that bad about one phone call. But two? He didn’t really have an excuse for the second one.

 

And it wasn’t like they brought up their past in the second one either. Justin had texted him earlier in the day yesterday. Nothing personal, just a link regarding a classic film festival at Anjelica Theatre that he thought Brian would be interested in taking Eric to that was happening in the middle of February. Justin knew his taste in movies well enough to know that Brian would be interested in going to something like that. The two of them had ended on a better note with the first phone call so it hadn’t been weird that Justin texted the link to him.

 

But it probably had been a bit weird that Brian called him later that night after Eric had fallen asleep. They hadn’t talked about anything that had happened between them or hashed anything out. They talked about movies they’d seen, books they’d read, their current partners, and Lily and Gus. Fuck, Brian even ended up telling him how Eric proposed. Which probably wasn’t the most thoughtful thing to tell your ex and while Justin wasn’t jumping for joy over the engagement, he did sincerely congratulate Brian since Brian hadn’t given him the chance to do that at Christmas. Justin had even laughed a little at the imagery of Brian having his hand held by a kneeling Eric. Brian’s still sure that Eric did that to fuck with him a little bit. He asked him about it once but Eric just batted his eyelashes and said, “I did it that way to show my love for you, Brian, and nothing more.” Yeah, right. Eric was a big romantic at heart but only a few people knew what a sarcastic shit he could be. It was one of the many things about him that turned Brian on, to be honest.

 

In return, Brian had listened to Justin talk about his current epic sized painting that he was working on and about Nathan, Jennifer, Molly, and some of his other friends in the area. Eventually the conversation led to Brian going into proud dad mode and telling a few stories about Lily and Gus. And that had been pretty much it. The phone call was a little over an hour. Brian went to bed feeling happy. And when he turned over to put an arm around his current lover, he immediately felt guilty.

 

So Brian swore to himself that there would be no more late night phone calls to Justin. Eric trusted him and was okay with them forming a friendship with Justin. How many partners would be okay with that? He didn’t want Eric to feel threatened by Justin either. He had no reason to and Brian would make sure with everything that he had that it would stay that way.

 

“Hey, I have Lily’s stuff together. She just needs to get her coat and boots on. You ready?” Eric says to him as he popped his head in.

 

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

 

Brian goes out into the living room where Lily is on the floor reading a Dr. Seuss book.

 

“Alright, Silly Lily! Time to get your coat on,” Eric says.

 

“No. Not going,” Lily informs them as she turned a page in her book.

 

Great.

 

“Lily, don’t you want to play with Tiana? You like Tiana,” Eric says as he bends down to reason with her.

 

“No. She’s old.”

 

“She’s seven,” Brian replies as he held back a laugh.

 

“Yep,” Lily sasses him, as if he just proved her point. Fucking three year olds.

 

“Lily, you have to go. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.”

 

“But Gus is going to the party! JR is going! Everybody’s going! I wanna go with you!” she pouts as she gets up to stomp her feet.

 

“Aunt Cynthia isn’t going. Ted and Blake aren’t going,” Brian points out but Lily calls him on his crap.

 

“That is BECAUSE they aren’t in New York! Aunt Cynthia went back home! Those other two never came up here in the first place!”

 

“Hey, be nice. Ted and Blake sent you a lot of presents for Christmas and called you to say hi. They wanted to be here but had to go to see Blake’s family,” Brian tells her sternly and Lily looks like she feels a little bad but is still defiant.

 

“Baby, you think Tiana’s old? There are going to be so many old people at the party we’re going to,” Eric tells her seriously then leans in to loudly whisper, “They’ll all be Daddy’s age.”

 

Brian glares at Eric but Eric just looks up at him and smirks. Lily stays silent and looks like she is thinking, then looks at her dads.

 

“If I go, can I get a pet?”

 

Brian would be proud of his kid for her bargaining methods if this subject hadn’t been brought up several times before in the last two months.

 

“No.”

 

“But I can play with a pet! I can play with a fishy or a turtle or a lizard or hamster or a parrot or a kitty or a doggie or a snake-”

 

“Lily, we can’t get one right now. We’re about to move. We have to get the house ready and Daddy and I have to work a lot since we are in a new city. But once things settle down, we’ll talk about it again and start out with something easy so you can learn how to take care of it. That okay?”

 

Lily just looks away and puts her coat on. When Eric tries to help her, she takes a few steps back and quietly says, “I can do it myself.” It takes a lot longer that way, but she manages to zip it up eventually.

 

“Come on, Lily. You’ll have fun, I promise,” Brian tells her as he holds out his hand. Since she is in a foul mood, she ignores it so Brian reaches down to take it. She glares at the ground as she walks out of the apartment with them.

 

They decided to just take the subway since they had no idea how parking would be down where Justin’s gallery was. Brian had his assistant set up in a nice apartment in Sunset Park so they would have to turn around and make a transfer after they dropped Lily off but it wasn’t too much of a hassle. Lily likes the trains anyway and she does cheer up a little when they got on and Brian and Eric start talking to her about what Malia has planned for her and Tiana.

 

“We’re watching movies and Tiana’s mommy is making dinner for me and Tiana?”

 

“Yep. And if you and Tiana are good, she’ll let the two of you stay up to watch the ball drop.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“It’s a tradition they do in Times Square,” Eric informs her.

 

“SO SHE’S TAKING US?!” Lily squeals as both Brian and Eric shush her.

 

“Absolutely not. People stand out there for days just to get a decent spot. You’d get trampled anyway,” Brian tells her.

 

“Nuh uh. We watch it from her window then?”

 

“No sweetie. You wouldn’t be able to see it from there. It’s on TV,” Eric says.

 

“Oh. Okay,” Lily answers, not that impressed anymore.

 

“This stop is: 25th Street. This is the train to Bay Ridge, 95th Street. The next stop is: 36th Street. Please be careful as you exit the train.”

 

“This is our stop,” Brian tells Eric as he picks Lily back up.

 

They got off the train and walked the two blocks to Malia’s apartment building. They rang the bell to Apartment 4A and Malia’s voice came on the line.

 

“Who is it?” Malia calls out.

 

“The one who comes bearing money and a child,” Brian dryly responds as he adjusts Lily on his hip.

 

“Oh, it’s you. You can come up, I guess.”

 

The door buzzes and Eric opens it. They walk up the four flights of stairs and knock on the door. Within a couple of seconds, Malia opens it.

 

“Hey, girl! I haven’t seen you in weeks! Your daddy had to keep me busy by opening a new office and dragging me along with him. Give me a hug.”

 

Brian lets her down and Lily runs over to hug Malia. Malia has been his assistant for a little over two years now. After having a couple of assistants who didn’t work out, he called Malia in after seeing her resume. She is a Chicago native who isn’t afraid to speak her mind and is as tough as nails. Malia has spunk, to say the least. She is a 32 year old single mother who was widowed a year after Tiana was born. A few days after he hired her, he had been in a bad mood about a design messed up by someone in the art department. So he had been a dick to everyone that day, including her. Brian remembered her coming into his office and more or less laying down the law on how she expected to be treated and the lengths she would go to in order to be the best assistant she could be in return. Like Cynthia, she wasn’t afraid to call out Brian on his bullshit and has become a real friend to him despite both of them having dominant personalities. She is smart, funny, and has good ideas when it came to some of their campaigns. He let her sit in on meetings and give her input. He knew that within a couple of years, he would probably have to offer her a higher position because she had potential. He respected her a lot and on top of that, she offered to watch Lily when Eric and Brian had to be somewhere.

 

“Here’s her bag. I packed a couple of juice boxes, a couple of books she likes read to her before bed, one of her favorite stuffed animals, her pajamas, and two sets of clothes. I know she’s just staying tonight but you never know what messes that kids will get into. I know you have Brian’s number, but do you have mine too in case-”

 

“Yes, Eric. I have your number. We’ve known each other for a couple of years now, remember? I’ll take Tiana and Lily with me tomorrow to the office and hand your daughter over to your man. You’ll come pick her up later and you’ll all be reunited once again. I will call you if any type of emergency happens up until that point so stop being such a helicopter parent and go have fun! Do whatever it is that the two of you do while the three of us have a ladies’ night and watch The Princess and the Frog.”

 

“Yeah, Papa. Ladies’ night!” Lily confirms, nodding her head vigorously.

 

“You’re right. Sorry. You’d think I’ve never left her with you before, huh? Must be living in a new place.”

 

Eric squats down and holds his arms out.

 

“Can I have a hug and a kiss before we go?”

 

Lily wraps her arms around Eric’s neck and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

 

“Happy New Year, baby.”

 

“Not a baby,” Lily mumbles into his neck.

 

Eric lets go and stands up then Brian bends down to kiss Lily’s head and holds her little body against his.

 

“Happy New Year, kid. Be sure to eat all the sugar you can find in the house so you and Tiana can stay up until midnight and drive Malia insane. Banging on pots and pans is a nice tradition.”

 

“Kay, Daddy.”

 

“Kinney, get out of my house! And stop corrupting your little angel.”

 

“But it’s fun,” Brian tells her with a grin as Eric takes his arm and pulls him away.

 

“Have a nice night, Malia. Bye, Tiana! Happy New Year!” Eric tells them as he and Brian go out the door.

 

Since they had to go to Sunset Park first, they do not take the L like Justin suggested that they should. Brian and Eric get on the N so that they can go to Fulton and transfer to the G. When they get off at Bedford, the walk is only a couple of blocks farther than it would have been if they had taken the L. It gives Brian and Eric a chance to explore an area of Brooklyn they hadn’t really seen. It was sort of neat and industrial. It was definitely a place that would appeal to artists and musicians but, even more so, hipsters. He hoped Justin didn’t lead a secret life as a hipster.

 

“That the place up there?” Eric asks him as they hear music and see a small crowd.

 

Brian shrugs and pulls out his phone to look at a picture of the gallery.

 

“Looks like it.”

 

Eric nods and starts walking, but Brian pulls him back.

 

“You sure you are okay with going? If you want to turn around and go out like we planned before or go back to Malia’s and spend it with the girls then that’s fine. I’ll understand.”

 

Eric raises an eyebrow.

 

“Brian, I told you I didn’t want to back out. It’s fine. Our friends are in there. Although Malia was right when she called me a helicopter parent tonight. This is the first time neither of us have had her since we moved. It’s been a while since I went into over worried mother mode.”

 

“You were pretty clingy.”

 

“She was just in such a bad mood tonight before we left the apartment. What if she’s lonely? She doesn’t have any playmates here besides Tiana and they get along great but they are in different stages emotionally due to their age gap so there will be times when they don’t want to do the same things. On top of that, she is missing Cynthia already. Gus, JR, and everybody else will be going back soon and I know that it’s not like she had them on a regular basis in Chicago but that’s the only home she remembers so she was comfortable there but now she’s in a new place-”

 

Brian turns Eric to face him and puts his hands on his shoulders.

 

“Eric, she’ll be fine. She’s a tough kid. Overly dramatic and way too friendly for her own good but she gets that from you and you turned out fine. Emmett and Drew are getting Duncan soon and he’s the same age as her. The four of us will probably be foisting our kids onto each other so they can play together. It will all be ridiculously domestic. But she should be with us tonight. Let’s just go back to Malia’s, stay there, and-”

 

“Brian, it’s fine. Gus is here, remember? He’s leaving the day after tomorrow so let’s spend time with him and you can pal around with Michael.”

 

Brian notices that Eric doesn’t bring up Justin. Eric already made a point in telling him to play nice with him and Nathan and if that hadn’t convinced him enough, talking to Justin on the phone and finding out about how much of a dick he really had been to Nathan on Christmas had.

 

“Alright. Let’s go inside.”

 

Brian and Eric cross the street and make their way to the entrance. They go in and there is a nice turnout. The gallery looks nice and Brian is impressed by the size of it. Justin has done well. All he knows about the event is that there are five up and coming artists being featured plus a couple of Justin’s paintings. They have a bar set up, a small stage and mood lights installed, and servers with hors d'oeuvres and champagne.

 

“Everyone else should be here. Let’s look around,” Eric suggests as he takes Brian’s hand and they walk into the next room.

 

They initially start to look for their friends and family but get distracted by the paintings in this room. They are vibrant, intense, and emotional. He knows it isn’t Justin’s work but this artist is good and Brian is already walking over to put a silent bid on a piece that he has his eye on.

 

“She’s good, isn’t she?” Lindsay says as she comes up beside him.

 

Brian turns his head and sees her standing there. He nods and turns back to the bidder so he can write the name of the piece, the artist’s name, and $20,000 on the bid line. He knows it’s high but the gallery will get ten percent, a charity of the artist’s choice (which was a food and clothing pantry in Brownsville) will get twenty, and whoever this woman is deserves the rest so she can have some money available to her for any future pieces.

 

“I know she’s new but I’m surprised that I’ve never heard of her,” Brian says as he walks with her.

 

“This is the first time her work has officially been displayed. Justin told me he found her painting in the park and that she did it to help support her grandmother and her siblings. She’s twelve years old.”

 

“You’re lying.”

 

“I was shocked too. She’s incredibly talented, especially for her age. I really think this might help her situation more.”

 

Brian nods and makes a note to bid on something else of hers if there isn’t anything else that catches his eye.

 

“Where’s Gus?”

 

“He’s with Nathan,” she tells him and when he gives her a baffled expression she elaborates, “He volunteered to help him and his band set up for their set.”

 

Brian huffs, then looks away.

 

“I just talked to Nathan. He’s really nice, Brian. He is young and a bit aloof, but he has a good heart. He sort of reminds me of you a little.”

 

Brian ignores that statement and says, “I’m going to go find Eric. I’ll see you in a bit, Linds.”

 

Brian walks around trying to find Eric. He doesn’t find him but he does find Gus. Gus is on the left side of the platform carrying a microphone stand and talking to Nathan. Knowing Gus, he is probably questioning him on everything from his guitar to what music he likes to his jacket to what his other hobbies are but Nathan doesn’t seem to be annoyed by him or anything. Gus looks over and sees Brian and waves in his direction. Nathan looks over and quickly looks away. Seems like Brian intimidated him more than he thought. He starts to feel good about that until he reminds himself of what Justin had told him and then feels guilty. He had prepared himself to apologize or at least strike up a more appropriate conversation with him but like hell he’s doing that in front of his son. It may set a good example but Brian was still a prideful man.

 

So he walks around some more and finds his partner on the second floor. Talking to Justin. Damn it.

 

Maybe it’s a good thing. He doesn’t think Justin would say something like, “Oh by the way, your soon-to-be husband has made a couple of late night phone calls to me. Don’t worry. He waited until you were in bed asleep to make them.” Justin wasn’t vindictive. Brian was more vindictive than Justin and Eric combined and he wouldn’t fuck up someone’s relationship like that.

 

Eric may apologize for Brian’s behavior but it was more likely that he would just say something along the lines of, “Hey, Justin! This is a great event and I really appreciate you inviting Brian and me. It means a lot. Both Brian and I have already put in bids for paintings. They’re all fantastic!” Brian knew that as much as Eric would want to smooth things over and make sure Justin wasn’t uncomfortable, he would stand by Brian first.

 

There was one way to find out.

 

Brian walked over and flicked Eric’s ear, smiled at Eric’s amused expression, and turned his head to Justin.

 

“Everything looks great, Justin.”

 

Justin gave him one of his signature Sunshine Smiles but also looked hesitant to take the compliment.

 

“You really think so? Emmett has really helped a lot so the compliment should go to him. I’ve thrown several gallery showings but nothing with this many people and never with entertainment and on top of that it’s New Year’s-”

 

“Justin. You did good. How did you find the artists? Lindsay told me about Aisha Morrison but what about the others?”

 

“Well, it’s the first show for Edward Jones too. He’s actually in his sixties and has been a street painter for a long time. He is a teacher at a middle school in Queens. His work is really good but it is his technique that sold his work to tourists. He mainly uses spray paints and can do a whole detailed landscape in under ten minutes. It’s fascinating to watch. Liam Phillips is my age. He owns a restaurant on Bedford so my staff and I go there a lot for dinner and drinks. He’s become one of my closest friends. I noticed the work he had hanging around the restaurant and when I asked him who the artist was, he told me that he did the paintings himself. He was tight on money when he first opened so he decorated the place by putting up some of his own work. He mainly works with oil paints and watercolors. He’s had a couple of showings here before and his work sells pretty well. Valentina Amador is originally from Spain but moved here as a teenager. She’s a student at the New York Art Institute and she interned here last summer. Her specialty is sculpting. She works with glass frequently and has some amazing glass sculptures upstairs. She even has some woodwork. Some furniture, some decorative pieces. And Zeek Collins is the fifth artist. He’s in his late twenties and I met him at a small showing in Dumbo about six months back. He does a lot of mixed media work. His art is very textured and he uses anything from paint to fabric to polymer clay to digital designs, anything really, in order to make his work three dimensional. His section is upstairs with Valentina’s.”

 

That led into Eric diving into a discussion with Justin about his preferences when it came to his own art. Brian must have a thing for art geeks. Justin and Eric both had very different jobs, but both of them were visionary geniuses and excelled in their careers early in their lives. They both built beautiful things with their hands and put their heart and soul into every project that they did. To be truthful, the two of them had a lot in common besides Brian and Brian isn’t surprised that they actually get along really well despite the circumstances. They all spoke for a while and Justin was very interested in the synagogue in Bensonhurst and told Eric that if he was interested or open to it, he knew a few younger artists interested in the architectural field who would love to come observe the process. And Eric, with his giving and overcaring heart, said he would love to be of help to any younger people interested in the field. Their discussion went on to the point where Brian started to feel a little left out. It wasn’t that Brian wasn’t artistic. He loved art, was knowledgeable in it, loved men who were artists, and was even a visionary himself. He needed to be one since he had to create a certain kind of art for his own career. But a national ad campaign for a tennis shoe was different than a painting or an intricately designed building so he couldn’t add much of his own experience to the conversation. But eventually, all conversations end. Eric ended up wanting to go upstairs to look at what they didn’t get to see yet and Justin needed to go and make the rounds before Nathan’s band played. So they parted and as Eric turned to go upstairs, Brian and Justin made eye contact and Brian forced himself to look away.

 

He followed his partner upstairs and immediately, Eric became enamored with Valentina’s work. She had built a beautiful bookshelf that Brian knew Eric was going to go and bid a ridiculous amount on just to make sure he was the one who would get it. Some of the work that Zeek Collins did was great as well. There was a very cool piece that they decided to bid on for Lily. The actual picture, while detailed and beautifully and realistically done, wasn’t unique. It was of a young girl sitting at a table and she was pouring water into a glass. But it was textured, layered, and fascinating to look at. Brian could tell that Collins used thin cuts of wood for the table and shaved glass for the pitcher and cup. The piece must have been battery operated because the clock on the wall in the picture was moving with the correct time and there was water moving from the pitcher into the glass. It was very unique.

 

After they went back downstairs and made their bids those two pieces, they went into the main room and found the rest of their family.

 

“Hey, boys!” Emmet called out as he waved.

 

“Hey, Emmett. You are finally standing still long enough for us to actually talk to you now,” Eric laughed as he gave Emmett a hug.

 

“Oh, it’s been busy. Justin doesn’t really have a kitchen here so I brought my food truck that I keep in the city in order for all of the hors d'oeuvres to stay at the right temperature. So I’ve been in and out and bossing my servers around. But it’s been a great night. I didn’t even have to get anyone other than the piano player for entertainment. Justin has Nathan’s band playing. It will be a wonderful contrast from what you usually hear at events like this since they are a rock band rather than some girl with an acoustic guitar quietly singing on stage.”

 

“Do you know if they are any good?” Brian asked him.

 

“Actually, they are very good. Drew and I went to go see them once at a festival that Justin invited us to last year. I know dubstep and club music is in but I’m surprised they aren’t that well known yet. Nathan has a fantastic voice and he’s a great guitar and piano player.”

 

Brian expected as much. Even though Nathan was Justin’s boyfriend, he didn’t see Justin giving him the gig just because of that.

 

Brian found out for himself at 10 pm when Justin came up on stage and introduced The Accidental Natives. Nathan and his band came up and Justin gave Nathan a kiss before Nathan went to stand in front of the center mic. Nathan gave a little introduction for each of the band members and he was surprisingly charismatic and personable. When they started playing their first song, as much as Brian didn’t want to be, he was very impressed. Nathan was fucking good and the rest of the band was as well. His singing voice was clear and strong. The same could be said for the other singer, Petra, on the songs where she sang lead. Nathan also had these great guitar solos. They did have a signature sound but their songs varied. A few of the songs were fast, loud, and catchy but there were also ones that were slower, softer, and hypnotic. They were the kind of songs that make you want to take E in order to really experience it. Brian ended up standing there for the whole set just to listen to them.

 

As they finished their last song and received a loud applause, Eric turned to Brian and said, “They’re really good, aren’t they?”

 

“Yeah, they are,” Brian says as he nods.

 

He keeps his eye on Nathan. He sees Justin come up to Nathan to tell him how great he was and he waits it out as Justin talks to the rest of the band and gives Nathan a ‘see you later’ kiss. Once Justin goes to talk to Michael and Nathan is unoccupied, Brian walks over to speak to him. He taps Nathan on the shoulder to get his attention. As soon as Nathan turns around and sees him, all of that charisma that he held on stage drains away.

 

“You want something?” Nathan asks a little harshly as he tries to maintain eye contact with Brian.

 

“Yeah, I do. I wanted to tell you what a great job you did. You’re a fantastic musician and performer. Justin made a good choice by having you play here.”

 

Nathan blinks like he didn’t expect that. He loses his scowl but his posture is still tense.

 

“Oh! Thank you. We’ve been playing together for almost four years now but have gotten more serious about it in the last two. I really do appreciate Justin asking us to play tonight but I sort of had a leg up with him-”

 

Brian ignores the sexual innuendo he could make but still interrupts him.

 

“Justin didn’t ask you to play because you’re his boyfriend. If you sucked, he would have made an excuse about needing another type of musician to set a different tone for the night. He asked you to play because he knows real talent when he sees it.”

 

Nathan looks like he is thinking about what Brian just said and it must bring some comfort to him because he posture relaxes and he gives Brian a hesitant smile.

 

“And I know real talent when I see it too. I’m doing an elaborate ad campaign for a Broadway rock musical and it needs a new band. The director casted some dumbass instrument wielding so-called band called-”

 

“Is it Strep Negative? I saw on the local news that they had gotten arrested for cocaine distribution and that they were supposed to be in a Broadway show this spring. I’ve met them a few times at different festivals and gigs. They are pretty good, but they’re fucking idiots.”

 

“They are. They’ve already cost me almost a quarter million. We’ve had to take down all of the flyers that have their names or faces on them. We had to postpone the bus performances which means the permits with the city that were approved for those days, at a pretty high price I might add, are now useless. The show is postponed for another month. If the right band isn’t found soon, the director will have to throw in the towel and I don’t get paid my percentage of the ticket sales.”

 

“That sucks, but what does it have to do with me?”

 

Brian raises an eyebrow. Does he seriously have to ask?

 

Nathan raises an eyebrow back. Apparently he does.

 

“Would you like to take my card so you and your band can come in next week to meet the director?” Brian enunciates so the fucker gets his point, “I think once he hears you, he will say yes immediately. I get that you all want to play your own music, but the sound of the music in the show is similar and you could catch onto it quickly. The show is going to be a hit. The director has had a lot of high profile shows on and off Broadway. But more importantly, I am advertising for it. Every campaign I take on succeeds and everyone that is a part of it succeeds as well.”

 

“How humble of you.”

 

“Being humble doesn’t get you anywhere. You wouldn’t become so charismatic and sure of yourself once you go on stage if that were the case. What I am telling you is the truth. The members of Strep Negative were supposed to form a musical collaboration with the star of the show, develop a cult following, have some of their original music appear on the Featured Artists page on iTunes and Spotify, get bigger and better gigs on the side, perform at the Tony and Grammy awards, and eventually start touring and doing bigger and better things as a band. It was supposed to be the beginning of their rise to fame story. But now it won’t be. And that’s a good thing because Strep Negative has nothing on The Accidental Natives. Now do you want to take my card before I take back my offer?”

 

Nathan stares at him and reaches out to take Brian’s business card.

 

“I’ll talk to Petra, Sebastian, and Nadia. I’m sure they’ll want to do it but I’ll figure out what times we can offer to meet. You aren’t fucking with me, right?”

 

“No, Nathan. I’m not fucking with you. Give me a call and we’ll all meet. Happy New Year.”

 

“Yeah, you too. And…thank you.”

 

Brian shrugs, smirks, and walks away. He’s glad now that Nathan’s band is as good as it is. It gave him the chance to extend the nice gesture out as a peace offering without having to apologize and it eases his mind with this particular campaign as well.

 

Brian walks across the room where Eric is standing with Michael, Ben, JR, and Gus.

 

“Isn’t it great? Only an hour left until the new year!” Michael exclaims like the dweeb that he is. Going by JR’s expression, she feels the same way Brian does.

 

“You’re in a cheerful mood,” Eric says to him with a smile.

 

“Things just seem to be going well for everyone. Hunter’s here with us for the holidays, my best friend is finally living out his dream by opening an office in New York, Emmett and Drew are adopting a little boy, and just a few minutes ago, Justin came up to me and said he would work on Rage with me again. Things are going great and I’m excited for what’s to come.”

 

“You’re working on Rage again?” Brian blurts out.

 

“Yeah! I didn’t want to mention it unless Justin said yes. I didn’t want to work on it without him. But we got an offer from Red Giant. They want to republish the existing books and want us to write a reboot for the series. It’s a good deal. We will maintain creative control of the comics but they will spread it to a larger market and manufacture merchandise. We’ll also be able to okay or deny any adaptation offers.”

 

Brian doesn’t know what to think about this at all. He glances at Eric from the corner of his eye and he seems happy for Michael but also a bit confused so Brian tries to clarify some things.

 

“So once again, Rage, Zephyr, and JT will be out and about, saving the world many fags at a time?”

 

“Isn’t it great?” Michael exclaims.

 

“So you said reboot. Where and when will the series take place?” Eric asks.

 

“Justin and I haven’t really talked about it. But I was thinking maybe a little into the future since the last issue ended with Rage and JT adopting their son-” that’s when Michael breaks off and sees the possible conflict.

 

“Or maybe it can take place in an alternate dimension. That actually might be a better idea. It’ll give the comic a new look but retain the characters and their personalities, yet give us the option of adding new heroes and villains.”

 

There’s an awkward silence for several seconds. Even the kids pick up on it. Gus is staring way too hard at one of Justin’s paintings and JR is looking down at her shoes. Even though Eric is probably happy for Michael to have an offer like this, he looks a bit uncomfortable with the idea going by his blank expression. Brian doesn’t know what his face is doing but he clears his throat and puts an arm around Michael’s shoulders.

 

“Let me know if I can help with getting the word out. I’m sure the new issue will be great.”

 

Michael gives him a relieved smile and gives him a hug. He and JR go off to find Lindsay and Melanie and Gus stays with them. Brian looks at Eric and takes his hand. Eric looks at him with an expression that says, “Don’t worry, I’m cool with it.” And he might be. Brian hopes he is. Michael and Ben could use the extra money, especially since they have been talking about having a kid. They had JR and Hunter but they only had Hunter for a few years before he went off to college and then to LA and JR lived with Linds and Mel during the week. Five years ago, Brian would have been wary of Michael’s wish to be a full-time dad. Yeah, he loved Gus. He loved that kid so fucking much. If something happened to his mothers, he would raise him in a heartbeat. Despite how he used to be, he would have stepped up even when Gus was young if he had needed it. But he didn’t know how rewarding it would be to raise a kid until he had Lily. He wanted to pull his hair out sometimes but he would never regret that step into Stepfordville. He wanted Michael and Ben to be able to experience that as well. But they needed money to be able to do that. They weren’t poor. The comic store was doing surprisingly well for this day and age and Ben got paid okay. But kids were fucking expensive. Not just raising them but actually having one as well. They might not get approved easily for adoption due to Ben’s HIV status. It was unfair and it sucked, but when it came to babies, the birth parents and agencies were picky. Getting a surrogate and a donor were costly. Lindsay and Melanie weren’t exactly at the prime age to do either anymore. He had been happy for Emmett when he and Drew announced they were adopting a kid but he had been a little worried about Michael’s feelings. So fuck, if Rage would help Michael and Ben get a kid then he had to be okay with it, even if Michael decided to keep Rage and JT together.

 

He and Eric didn’t bring up the subject after Michael left. Emmett and Drew approached them and they started talking about Duncan. Emmett and Drew went to see him earlier in the day and showed them a few pictures on their phones. When Eric brought up having regular play dates for Duncan and Lily, Emmett pulled a Lily by squealing out his excitement. Brian briefly thought he would take his Lily impression even further by twirling out his happiness but Drew had put a hand on his shoulder to subtly calm him down so they didn’t get to see that.

 

“Only half an hour,” Eric whispers in his ear as Emmett and Drew walk away.

 

“So sentimental. Just like Michael.”

 

“Says the man who hid mistletoe in the couch.”

 

“I did that for some action.”

 

“Like you need anything to get me to kiss you.”

 

Eric kisses him and Brian gives him a sweet smile. After a few minutes pass, Brian looks around and sees that someone is missing.

 

“Where’s Gus?”

 

Eric looks around as well but doesn’t spot him.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe he went to go look around.”

 

“Or went to go look at anything other than his dad sucking face.”

 

“It could have been that too,” Eric laughs.

 

“I don’t see him with the others so I’m going to go look for him. I want to ring in the New Year with Gus at our side.”

 

“Who’s the sentimental one now?”

 

Brian smirks at his partner and goes up the stairs to see If Gus is on one of the other floors. He doesn’t see him on the second so he checks the third, which is pretty much empty at this point of the night. He goes into the third floor bathroom to check to see if Gus is in there but he finds Justin instead. So Brian damns the skip a urinal rule like he always does and unzips his pants next to Justin.

 

“Uh…hey, Brian.”

 

“Hey. So do you always climb two flights of stairs to take a piss when you’re here?”

 

Justin huffs out a laugh as he zips up his pants and flushes the urinal.

 

“No. I came up here for some peace and quiet. My head was starting to hurt from all of the people and the stress. I just happened to have a full bladder at the time. Doesn’t explain why you’re up here when everyone else is downstairs.”

 

Brian zips up as well, flushes, and goes over to the sink to wash his hands.

 

“I was looking for Gus. He was with Eric and me but wandered off. I was hoping to find him before midnight.”

 

“I saw him on the second floor on my way up here. You may have missed him after he went back down or something.”

 

“Hmmm. I probably should head back down and see if I can find him then.”

 

“Yeah. See you down there.”

 

Brian turns to leave the restroom but stops when he hears his name.

 

“Brian?”

 

Brian turns around and walks back over to Justin.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I just…I wanted to thank you for making that offer to Nathan. He may not have appeared overly excited about it in front of you but that’s because you’re…well, you. But he is excited. He and the rest of his band are so happy about the chance you gave them. I’m pretty sure Petra wants to kiss you because of it. So thank you.”

 

Brian hides a smile and shrugs.

 

“He’s fucking good. It’s hard for me to admit it, but the kid is talented. Does he write most of the music?”

 

“He and Petra switch off. Nadia and Sebastian have written a couple of songs but she and Nathan are sort of the creative geniuses behind the band. They do have a small following but if they get this, it will really be a boost for their careers.”

 

“It’s not that big of a deal, Justin. The play needs a band so I won’t lose any more money. They happened to catch my eye and it’ll help me out if they get it.”

 

Justin stares at him for a few seconds, then puts his hands on his arms.

 

“You think you have everyone fooled. We have avoided each other for a long time, but I still know you better than most people. You’re a good man, Brian Kinney. Whether you want people to know it or not.”

 

Brian swallows the small lump that forms in his throat and leans in before he can stop himself. Their faces are a few inches apart and Brian can see Justin’s eyes dilate and feels the air from Justin’s breaths. He can’t fucking help it. Even though all this time has passed, being this close to Justin still turns him on. It makes his head get foggy and his heart beat quickly. But he’s not fucking stupid.

 

So he fights through the fog and he kisses Justin on the cheek instead. He lets his cheek rest against his for a few seconds and Justin must not mind because he doesn’t move an inch. As Brian revels in the feeling of just touching Justin, he feels the gnawing guilt hit his stomach yet again because the man who he loves and made a life with is downstairs waiting for him.

 

So Brian whispers, “Happy New Year, Justin” into Justin’s ear then backs away from his ex-lover. He sees Justin give him a sad but accepting smile before Brian turns around and heads downstairs.

 

The clock strikes twelve and 2015 hits. Brian is surrounded by his friends and family and he is really and truly happy. He gives his fiancé a long and loving kiss. He knows this will be a great year for him. He’s getting married to the father of their incredible little girl and he has finally made it in New York. After they break the kiss, Brian presses his forehead against Eric’s then wraps his arms around his lover and they just hold each other. As Brian looks over Eric’s shoulder and sees Justin hugging Nathan, he feels happy for him. And as Justin’s eyes meet his and they stare at each other across the room, he pushes down the longing and tries to give Justin a smile.

February 13, 2015 - 9:15 am.

 

Justin isn’t nervous. Just because he let three Manhattan bound trains pass him before he forced himself to get on one doesn’t mean he is nervous. He’s just putting off something that he doesn’t want to do. Although, he could have just had Molly relay a message along the lines of, “I changed my mind. Go fuck yourself and leave me alone” to his father so it’s possible a small part of him is curious about how he’s doing. He has been worrying about the man so he can’t deny that.

 

His father had called him a few weeks ago. The call went much more smoothly than the one on Christmas. It might have been due to Justin recognizing the number thus not being caught off guard or it could have been due to the fact that his father was sober this time. Either way, despite the conversation not ending with both of them crying like the last time, it was still a stiff and odd conversation. He had hesitated in picking up his phone when he looked at the Caller ID but Nathan had been out with Petra and he wouldn’t be there to help him pack up his stuff until the next day. Justin wasn’t doing anything too important so he had picked up the phone and braced himself for what had come next.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

January 20, 2015 - 7:15 pm.

 

“Hello?”

 

“...Hey, Justin.”

 

Justin doesn’t know exactly what to say. He no longer knew how to talk to this man. He hadn’t known how to start up a conversation with him after he came out but it’s been years since he had even spoken a word to him besides the one drunken phone call. In most ways, this man was a stranger to him now. He hasn’t realized how long he has kept his silence until his father speaks again.

 

“I’m sorry about calling you on Christmas, son. Especially in the state I was in. I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

He sure as fuck doesn’t know how to respond to his dad’s apology. It sounded sincere. Justin is pretty sure that his dad is actually being genuine. Maybe that is why he can’t figure out what to say. His father had never been one to apologize. Not for as long as he can remember anyway. He had always been a prideful man and hated to admit when he was in the wrong. The only time he would hear the words “I’m sorry” come out of his dad’s mouth was when he would tell a family friend that he was sorry for their loss at a funeral. He never seemed to regret anything. If Brian had been straight and never had the opportunity to fuck his teenage son, Justin could see Craig Taylor and Brian Kinney getting along pretty well.

 

“Justin, you there?”

 

“Yeah, I’m here.”

 

“I just...I needed to tell you that. I hope you’re doing well.”

 

“I’m fine. How are you?”

 

His dad seems surprised that he would even ask. He didn’t mean to ask him that. Whether the question had just come out of his mouth out of habit or it’s possible that deep down he really wants to know the answer to it, he isn’t sure.

 

“Oh! I’m fine, just fine. I just got home from the store.”

 

“Is Taylor Electronics still all about conservative family values and fag hating?”

 

He winces as soon as the words come out of his mouth but the wince quickly turns into a scowl. He knows he probably shouldn’t be such an asshole to his father when he worked up the nerve to apologize. But tough shit. He doesn’t want to let the conversation progress any further if his dad still holds the same opinions as he once did, even if he seems to be finally changing his mind on his son.

 

“No! That was-I was fucking awf-I’m sorr-,” his father tries to spit out as his breathing quickens. Seriously, what the hell? Is this what Molly had been telling him about? How their manly and stern father has become some shaky and panicky pod person?

 

“Fine, I get it. Calm down.”

 

His father breathes in and out a few times and seems to settle down.

 

“I’m fine, Justin. Sorry about that. Sometimes I get...That question just...I don’t hold those views anymore. I stopped giving money to anti-gay campaigns several years ago and started making donations to the Human Rights Campaign a year and a half ago. I am not quite to the point where I am a staunch and vocal activist for the rights of the LGBTQ movement, but I have made my change in opinion known to people of importance in Pittsburgh.”

 

“...What.”

 

His father lets out a sigh.

 

“I know it doesn’t change anything. I just...wanted you to know.”

 

Neither of them speak for a minute. Justin needs to sort through what his dad is trying to tell him and he’s guessing his father is sorting himself out in some way as well. Fuck if he knows.

 

“What do you want, Dad?”

 

“...I want to talk to you again. Try to make up for what I did. I want to see you again and maybe earn a little bit of respect back,” his father says earnestly, pain lacing his words.

 

Well, fuck.

 

“Fuck. I can’t deal with this shit. You had me fucking arrested a decade ago and all of the sudden you want to be my father again?”

 

“I am so sorry that I did that. It was a horrible thing to do and I will regret it until the day I die. I am not going to force anything on you. I’ll let you off the phone, okay? If you change your mind, you can call me. If you don’t, I’ll understand. I really am sorry.”

 

“Wait.”

 

He hears his father breathing on the line, anticipating his answer.

 

“I can’t promise anything. I’ll give you a chance but if you fuck it up, it’s over. Even if you don’t fuck it up but I realize that it is impossible to get over how you treated me then I am free to cut all ties without any more of an explanation than telling you that I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Do you understand?”

 

He can hear his father hesitate but then gets his answer.

 

"Yes, Justin. I understand."

 

”Good. So when are you going to be able to make it up to New York?”

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

February 13, 2015 - 10:25 am.

 

It had been a strange phone call, but his father had been thrilled that he made the gesture of inviting him up. He had started thanking Justin profusely and stuttering over his words. That had just worried him more. He told Justin that he could make it up in the middle of February for a few days and had called Justin back a few days later to let him know the dates and where he made reservations to stay.

 

He is across the street from Jeffrey’s. His choice on where they were meeting, not his dad’s. Despite his alleged change in views, Justin is pretty sure that his father wouldn’t have chosen a restaurant on the gayest block in the gayest neighborhood. But he thought choosing a restaurant so close to Stonewall was a subtle type of justice.

 

Nathan had offered to come with him. He almost let him but then he remembered that Nathan had rehearsal today. They only started this past Monday but Nathan and the rest of the band seemed to be really enjoying the process so far. But this rehearsal would be different. This was the first rehearsal that Brian would be coming to watch so he could talk to them about upcoming publicity stunts and interviews. Nathan shouldn’t have to deal with Justin’s father the same day he had to start working alongside his ex. Even though they had seen Brian and Eric since New Year’s and things were better, Nathan and Brian weren’t the best of friends. So he would do this alone. If he could manage to make it across the street, that is.

 

He keeps staring at the place and can see pretty clearly through the windows. He pauses when he sees his father. For a second, he isn’t sure if it’s him or not. Even from across the street he can see how thin he has gotten. He looks as though he may have more gray in his hair too but he can’t be sure from out here. He can see his father just looking down at the table by himself while other people talk to the people they are dining with around him. He glances out the window every so often but he doesn’t think his father has spotted him yet. Justin starts to feel bad for being 25 minutes late. He should have sucked it up and not wasted time by purposely missing the train. Even though he knows the ball is in his court and his dad should be grateful that he’s willing to take this step, he still should have met him on time.

 

So he makes himself cross the street and go through the entrance of Jeffrey’s. He walks over to his father’s table where the man is still looking down at his laced fingers.

 

“Dad,” he says quietly to inform him of his presence.

 

His father looks up and seems surprised to see him. At least it seems that way at first. But his father keeps staring at him and doesn’t say anything. It’s like he’s caught up in some moment in his head or he’s in shock. It’s weird.

 

“Sorry I’m late.” Justin says, trying to get him to snap out of it.

 

His father shakes himself out of his thoughts, gets up from his seat, and says, “It’s really good to see you.”

 

He looks like he wants to bring him into a hug. It’s just not going to happen. Justin isn’t going to be okay with hugging his father anytime soon so he ignores the slightly open arms and sits down in the chair across from his father’s.

 

“You order yet?” Justin asks him as he opens his menu.

 

“No. I was waiting for you,” his father says as he sits back down.

 

“You didn’t have to.”

 

“It’s fine, Justin.”

 

Justin picks out what he wants from the brunch menu and they both order when the waitress comes by. As they wait for their meals, Justin tries to make small talk, he really does. But his father keeps fucking staring at him and it’s a little unnerving. He tries to keep reminding himself that there is something off with the man and that he needs to be just a little patient.

 

“I saw some of your paintings online. You’re...You’re really talented.”

 

Justin shrugs in response.

 

“I really mean it. I bought one. It’s in my living room.”

 

Justin doesn’t mean to drop his mouth in shock, but it happens anyway.

 

“You bought one of my paintings? Why?”

 

He comes off more suspicious than he means to.

 

“I just wanted one, okay? I asked the gallery owner to keep my information private.”

 

“So which one was it?”

 

“Which gallery?”

 

“Which painting.”

 

“Soil to the Sky.”

 

Huh. That one had sold at a pretty high price too.

 

“I was wrong by wanting you to major in business. You are doing very well and I’m proud-”

 

“Stop. Don’t say shit you don’t mean.”

 

“I-I do m-mean it!” His father stutters in distress.

 

Justin takes a minute to really look at his father. He watches the man trying to collect himself. The more he studies him, the more he realizes that something is terribly wrong. There are too many frown lines on his face and his eyes look dull but it’s his dad's behavior that’s off. Even though the conversation hit a little bit of a rough patch, it was relatively minor. Nothing that should arise more than annoyance in him But here he is, breathing unevenly, tapping his silverware against the table, slightly rocking in his seat, and making these occasional humming noises. Justin was willing to overlook the out of character apologies and even the meekness the man was exhibiting, but he can’t overlook whatever is going on here.

 

“What’s the matter with you?”

 

Justin’s father looks up and, if anything, his breathing gets even more uneven.

 

“Nothing. I’m f-fine, just-”

 

“Bullshit. You’re acting weird. And not just by saying you’re sorry and being okay with gay people now. You’re acting erratic. What is it, drugs?”

 

“W-What? No, Justin. I’m not on drugs,” his father denies. Justin is inclined to believe him. He may have stumbled over a word but that doesn’t mean he’s lying. He’s been stumbling over them pretty frequently.

 

“Are you sick? You’re pretty skinny. Is this a side effect from a medication or do you have a neurological disorder? Is it Parkinson’s?”

 

His father looks pretty insulted by that.

 

“No, Justin. I don’t have Parkinson’s and I don’t have any other diseases.”

 

Justin studies his father a little bit more and his father uncomfortably looks away due to the scrutiny.

 

“Molly told me that you’ve been drinking more. Are you going through withdrawal or something?”

 

“No. M-my drinking isn’t the problem. It isn’t making me like this at least. I could cut down, I’m not saying I couldn’t. But I don’t drink to get drunk most of the time and I don’t even drink every day. I know I need to quit drinking when I’m u-upset but it usually calms me down. I usually just have one or two beers but once in a while I drink more. Sometimes that makes things worse like on Christmas but that’s not it.”

 

Justin waits for an explanation but his father doesn’t provide him with an answer. He shouldn’t push him for one. It isn’t his business. But Justin has always hated being left in the dark so he asks anyway.

 

“Then what the hell is going on with you?”

 

His father stays silent and looks down at the table. Whatever. It’s his dad’s business. That doesn’t mean that Justin has to witness whatever he’s going through.

 

“You know what? I’m done. I’m going to go-”

 

“No, stop! Please don’t leave,” His father cries out.

 

Justin pauses at the desperation in his father’s voice and sits back down to look at him. He stares at the man who gave him piggyback rides, read him bedtime stories, taught him how to ride a bike, taught him how to drive, beat the shit out of the man he loved, told him to never come back home, had him handcuffed in front of the store he and Daphne used to spend their afternoons at after school while he told them not to get too rowdy. He would sometimes take them out for ice cream before he took them home even though his mom would get pissed that he gave Justin dessert before dinner.

 

He looks at this man and wants to know what the point of all this is. He feels fury and sadness and longing and-

 

All of those emotions come to a halt when he sees the first teardrop fall on the table.

 

His father’s head hangs low and his shoulders shake with suppressed sobs. He looks so small and so fucking sad and Justin has no idea what to do. Crying isn’t something his dad would ever do in front of him in the privacy of their home, let alone in a crowded restaurant. He heard him cry on the phone but that conversation had been short and it is so much more shocking to witness in person.

 

“Dad?”

 

It’s possible that his father doesn’t hear him but Justin thinks that he does because his shoulders start shaking even harder as puts a fist to his mouth to stop from crying out.

 

“Dad, please. What is going on with you?”

 

But his father starts to quietly keen, rock in his seat again, and say, “I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know.”

 

Justin looks around to see if anyone is witnessing what he is witnessing. Several people at nearby tables have their eyes on his dad. They look concerned, which is shocking for New York. He doesn’t want their pity and he knows his father wouldn’t want it either so he gives them the bitchiest look that he can muster to get them to mind their own fucking business. They take the hint.

 

“Dad, come on. Tell me-” he starts to say but is interrupted by the waitress.

 

“Sorry your orders took so...should I come back?” she asks as she inches away from their table.

 

“Just bring it back later! I don’t care if it’s cold!” he snaps at her. He’ll apologize by giving her a big tip before they leave but right now he can’t worry about his tone.

 

She quickly leaves with their plates and they have a tiny bit more privacy again.

 

“Talk to me. You are scaring me.”

 

That doesn’t get his dad to stop crying but it does get him to talk through the tears.

 

“I’m so lonely, Justin. I don’t go out, even to the movies. I’ll buy groceries once in a while if I feel like I can go outside. I don’t talk to people at work. I force myself to go there m-most of the time but I lock myself up in my office. I jump at c-certain sounds. Like when someone rings my doorbell to sell me something. I have panic attacks. I can’t sleep yet some days I don’t even attempt to get out of bed. I was st-starting to get a little like this when Madison was still with me but she got sick of it. I don’t blame her. She was a lot younger and didn’t need to put up with me. But now I’m completely alone. I feel so g-guilty about what I did to you. It started out when the guilt started building up more and more. What I did dr-drove my family away and I know I deserve that. Jennifer can’t look at me. Molly has hated me since she was old enough to understand what I did to you. She only answers a few of my calls a year and lets me come s-see her even less. I only get that much because she feels like she’s obligat-”

 

His father breaks off as the quiet sobs hit him again. Justin watches him cover his face with one hand and just cry. And, as much as he doesn’t want it to happen, Justin feels hot tears pour down his own face. Justin reaches over to the dispenser to pull a napkin out and lightly rubs him on his arm. He doesn’t react so Justin puts the napkin in his hand himself. The action just makes his dad cry harder, crumple the napkin in his hand, and hold it against his face so that he can muffle himself in an attempt to keep any dignity he has left.

 

“I don’t want you to see me like this. I don’t want anyone to. I’m so sorry that I’m so f-fucking embarrassing,” his dad sobs out.

 

“Shhh, you’re not. You’re not embarrassing.” he tries to assure him.

 

“You shouldn’t comfort me. You have to hate me so much. I hate myself so much.”

 

“Don’t…don’t talk like that. I don’t hate you. I never hated you even when I wanted to,” Justin tells him honestly.

 

That doesn’t help resolve his dad’s tears one bit. So Justin does something he didn’t expect himself to be doing at all: He reaches out to hold his dad’s hand.

 

His dad squeezes his hand so hard that he’s surprised that the circulation in his fingers hasn’t been cut off yet. The action started out making his father even more emotional but Justin strokes the man’s hand with his thumb and he calms down gradually. Justin waits in silence and it gives him a chance to will his own tears away as well.

 

“I really have been trying, Justin. I’ve been donating to the GLC and to the Gay & Lesbian Youth Center. I made sure that the campaigns I used to support knew that they lost my vote and I wouldn't be donating to them anymore. I have been tr-trying to educate myself on the subject.”

 

“Gay & Lesbian Youth Center? You know Brian founded that place, right?”

 

“Yeah. It got a lot of press back when it was opening so that fact was hard to miss. I donate anonymously on the website. I don’t think I will ever be a fan of Brian but I’ve heard good things about the center.”

 

Justin doesn’t know how to respond in regards to Brian being brought into the conversation so he just says, “Hmm.” In response.

 

“So I’m here until Tuesday. I understand if you have plans-”

 

“I do have plans.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Nathan would be bummed if we didn’t go out.”

 

“I forgot that it was tomorrow. Is Nathan your boyfriend?”

 

Justin feels like that’s pretty obvious if he’ talking about taking him out on Valentine’s day but he answers regardless.

 

“Yeah, he’s my boyfriend. He’s very nice.”

 

“Good. That’s good. I’m sorry for all this, Justin. Don’t…Don’t worry about me. I’m just going through a slump.”

 

“You had a breakdown in a crowded restaurant. I’m not trying to embarrass you but that indicates something more serious than some slump. You need to start seeing a psychiatrist. I don’t know if this is a severe case of depression, some sort of mental breakdown, or another mental illness but what you told me is really serious. You have to know that.”

 

He expects his father to fight him on it, but surprisingly he nods. Then he looks out the window, zones out, and Justin has a hard time keeping his attention after that.

 

“Listen, I’m going to go pay for the food and give her a tip. I know we didn’t eat but she did try to give it to us. I doubt you want to sit here after what happened.”

 

“I guess I can walk around. It’s been a while since I’ve been in the city. Thank you for meeting with me.”

 

Justin lets out a sigh. He had been hoping to keep brunch quick and cordial, then be on his way. That plan went out the window twenty minutes ago.

 

“I’m not going to ditch you. We’ll walk around for a while and grab lunch. Your treat. The West Village is gorgeous and I think you’ll enjoy walking around. Maybe we’ll catch a movie somewhere since you said you haven’t been to one in a while. Sound okay?”

 

His dad turns his head away to look at him and he nods again.

 

“Okay, Justin. That sounds good. Thank you.”

 

Justin nods back then stands up to pay for the meals that he sent away and slips the waitress a twenty. When he comes back, he sees his father slipping his coat back on and getting ready to leave. He didn’t realize an action so simple could relieve him so much. As they head outside and Justin starts pointing out different historically significant places and his favorite stores, he wonders what he has just gotten himself into.

“He is so hot.”

 

Nathan forces himself not to bitch about Petra’s constant gushing. He’s been close friends with her since he returned to New York City when he was eighteen years old. He was barely making ends meet and lived with four other people in some shit hole in the Bronx. He had worked at a hole in the wall restaurant six days a week. It hadn’t been the ideal job but his boss had been a pretty decent guy and would even let him out early on sunny days if he was in a good mood. Whenever he wasn’t working or sleeping, he played the same guitar his mother bought him for Christmas at different parks throughout the boroughs. He couldn’t afford much else and had been saving money up for a higher quality model. He kept his case open for the extra cash and it helped him get by.

 

That is, until Petra started performing.

 

At least twice a week, they would end up playing in the same place at the same time and it had totally fucked up his finances for a while because, if she staked out the more populated area, she would be the one getting the tips. One of them ended up getting screwed over depending on where they sat and they ended up wasting time if they decided to leave and find another place to perform. It didn’t help that they had similar sounds. It was such an unlikely scenario since they were in New York so it really pissed Nathan off at the time.

 

It wasn’t until one strangely deserted Tuesday morning in Battery Park that they actually hit it off.

 

Nathan remembers strumming along quietly and humming out a tune on the spot. He had needed to fill his time in some way since no one was passing by but somehow he became so lost in the tune that he didn’t even notice Petra sit down with her own guitar. He only noticed her when she started singing and strumming along. They had sounded so good together that Nathan didn’t even stop playing. The duet routine ended up working. They almost tripled their cash later that day, split the money between them, and played together ever since. They got a few gigs and some studio time, which had been nice. They decided to form a full-fledged band and recruited Sebastian and Nadia over three years ago. Despite how impatient Nathan felt when it came to getting a decent record deal offer and wanting more recognition, they hadn’t done that badly for their ages. They got good gigs regularly and made okay money. However, they had been stagnant in their progress within the last year. It had been frustrating and disheartening. They all still felt passionate about music, but it was hard to keep going when they weren’t gaining more recognition and not moving up.

 

So Nathan was thrilled that something was finally going their way. He felt honored and proud of the band and he couldn’t wait to see what this opportunity brought them.

 

He just wished it had been presented to them by someone other than Brian Kinney.

 

“God, the things that I could do to him!” Petra groans as she tosses her head back. Nathan is so fucking grateful that Brian is out of earshot. Brian getting an ego boost is the last thing he wants right now.

 

“He’s old,” Nathan points out. And he’s not wrong. Brian is twenty years older than him and eighteen years older than Petra. He’s almost ancient.

 

“He’s not old,” Petra corrects as thinks of a more suitable label, “He’s…distinguished.”

 

“I think I can see a gray hair from here,” Nathan exaggerates as he squints.

 

“You can not,” Petra laughs as she lightly slaps his arm, “And even if you could, I would still fuck him.”

 

“Petra, I’ve told you this before: Brian’s gay.”

 

“I can turn on the charm so well though. Maybe that charm is just strong enough to seduce him,” Petra jokes. At least Nathan thinks that she’s joking. Knowing her, she might not be.

 

“He’s engaged.”

 

“But not married.”

 

“He has two kids.”

 

“Two? God, Nathan. Why did you have to ruin my fantasy?” Petra pouts as she gets up from her seat in the theater.

 

“It was fleeting and doomed to fail. Someone had to bring you back to Earth.”

 

Petra sighs, “I suppose you’re right. God, Justin’s lucky. He got to fuck both of you.”

 

“Seriously Petra, shut up,” Nathan grits out.

 

Petra rolls her eyes and hops onto stage to tune her bass. He takes a few seconds then follows her up and makes sure everything is in order with the instruments. Everything has to be perfect. If they have to play all of the songs in the show only after a week of rehearsal just so Brian Kinney can nitpick and decide which songs will be the most effective for promotional appearances, then he is going to make sure that the man has barely anything to complain about.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuck, how can one man be so intimidating?

 

Brian has been scrutinizing all of them throughout the show they were giving him. He supposed Rebecca had the most to be concerned about, considering she was the star of the show, but she was also pretty prevalent on Broadway so she was more confident and sure of herself when it came to scrutiny. Nathan managed to ignore him and get lost in the music while they were playing. But as soon as they finished the last song, his palms started sweating.

 

Brian wrote a few notes down, slipped the small notepad in his pocket, then approached the stage and lifted himself up onto it with ease. Slowly, he studied each of them.

 

“You’re all fucking good. You are aware of that. ‘Midnight Revolver’ needs more work, so you probably won’t be ready to play that in two weeks. Pity, since that’s the most powerful song.”

 

“Two weeks?! I thought it we didn’t have to worry about press junkets until the first of April!” Rebecca exclaims.

 

“You won’t be doing any interviews and the big stuff won’t come until then. But you will be performing as the band portrayed in this show much sooner than that. I have you booked at the Bowery Ballroom for a set on February 27, then a set on Saturday at the Mercury Lounge on February 28th. You’ll begin and end with a song from the show. In between will be a mix of The Accidental Natives and a few songs off of your EP, Rebecca. You just need to fill up 45 minutes. ‘Illuminate’ and ‘Radio’ will probably be the best ones to go with right now. As soon as ‘Midnight Revolver’ is up to par, I suggest you play that.”

 

“Isn’t this a bit much though? The show doesn’t even go into previews until May,” Rebecca points out.

 

“Oh, you’ll probably do fine without it. But this is about attracting the locals to your show. They seem to have an aversion to Times Square. This is an original way to reach out and connect with them in a place they go to relatively often. Word will spread and soon you’ll have people fighting at the stage door for tickets. I have you doing sets at different venues every Friday and Saturday until the end of March. I have you in hidden gems and I have you in highly regarded venues. You’ll be performing in every borough at least once, but half of your sets will be in Brooklyn. There’s a high percentage of young and artistically inclined snobs who hate anything that could possibly be considered mainstream. But if you come to them and they like you, you bet their asses that they’ll come to you and say, ‘I knew them before they were popular.’ That’s something they love to throw into people’s faces. Now here’s an itinerary.”

 

Brian hands them each a packet. Nathan takes his and starts glancing through it. Some of these places are venues he could only dream of performing in, due to them being so selective. He has no idea how Brian did it.

 

“Now as for the performances, both before during the promotional period and for the actual show, you all need to ooze sex. You are all young. You’re all hot. The majority of people will want something to look at, along with the lovely set design. Nadia, wear your hair in loose curls. Die a streak of it Ultramarine. Sebastian, use some hair gel and wear a tighter shirt. Rebecca, show more cleavage and use more eye shadow. Petra, wear a shirt that shows your stomach. And Nathan,” Brian says as he comes over to him, “You’re pretty toned. I can tell. Lose the shirt and wear the leather jacket. Unbuttoned and unzipped. I don’t give a shit how cold it is.”

 

Their director Jeff speaks up at that point.

 

“Brian, all those ideas are fine but I need to talk to the costume, hair, and makeup department about-“

 

“About how they need to be even less modest when it comes to the actors in this production.”

 

Brian turns to the cast and stares them all down.

 

“If you were doing a show about jazz or folk or fucking swing music, I would tell you to class it up. But you are supposed to be fucking rock stars. Be sexy. Don’t give a shit about class. You need to be forward and raw and in your face with your audience. I am selling a product and that’s you and your show. So don’t be afraid to show off and use your appearance to your advantage. You are all talented but looks can only help when it comes to entertainment. Go through Midnight Revolver again. That’s the one you have to play when you do the double decker bus performance so it needs to be perfect.”

 

With that, Brian hops off the stage and sits in the second row. Nathan keeps eye contact with him through the whole song.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nathan gets his stuff together, gets his coat on, but then instantly starts worrying about Justin. He had been so busy that the fact that Justin’s dad was in town went into the back of his mind after they started rehearsal. It’s probably for the best that it had. He had been worried when Justin left this morning and, now that he had his phone back on, he could see that Justin didn’t return the text that he sent him right before he got to the theater.

 

He could wait until he gets back home but he’s worried. He knows how strongly Justin feels about whatever is going on with his relationship with his father so he decides to give in and call him before he gets on the train.

 

“You’ve reached Justin Taylor. Please leave your name and number and I’ll return your call.”

 

“Hey, babe. Just wanted to see how things were going. You didn’t return my text and it’s 6 pm now. Hope to see you when I get home. Love you.”

 

Nathan hangs up and ten minutes later he gets a text back.

 

Sorry, just turning my phone back on.
Saw you called. I was at a movie.
Going to go out to dinner now. I don’t feel
like cooking. I should be back at the
apt by 8. Love you too.

 

Nathan reads the message and is more than curious than ever about what went on today. He expected Justin to be closed off after meeting with his dad, no matter how the meeting ended up going. He had prepared himself to come home to an emotionally distraught Justin or a monotone ‘I’m going to bed early’ Justin. He prepared himself to come home and not find Justin at all and he would have understood if Justin went to his studio to lose himself in one of his paintings. He didn’t expect Justin to go see a movie.

 

He could offer to go meet Justin but Justin hadn’t mentioned it in the text so Nathan doesn’t want to come off as pushy. He might need time to himself so Nathan would wait until he and Justin were both home and settled in. They really have gotten closer in the last couple of weeks since officially getting an apartment together so he feels that Justin will be more apt to open up.

 

Nathan walks out into the lobby and sees Eric and Lily waiting for Brian. Despite his stubborn resolve to not become best friends forever with Brian, he actually does like Eric. Eric might possibly be the nicest guy he’s ever met and has been nothing but sweet and welcoming to Nathan the few times he and Justin had gone out with them or when they all met up with Emmett, Drew, and Duncan. He wouldn’t mind becoming friends with him so Nathan walks over to say hi.

 

“Hey, Eric! You here to meet Brian?”

 

Eric turns around and spots him, “Hey! Yeah, I just relieved Lily’s after school nanny. So now we’re here to meet him for dinner. How did rehearsal go? Brian didn’t load you guys down with too many appearances, did he?”

 

“If Nathan wants to get famous, I’m doing him a favor,” Brian interrupts as he comes up close behind Eric.

 

Eric jumps at the sound of his voice, “Jesus Brian, you scared me.”

 

“Daddy!” Lily squeals as she rushes towards Brian and hugs his leg.

 

Brian grins down at the little girl, picks her up, gives Eric a kiss, and says, “I didn’t know you were coming to meet me.”

 

“We thought we’d surprise you, it being Friday and all. Lily’s taking us out to eat. Her treat.”

 

“Papa, I don’t make money,” Lily reminds her father.

 

“Fine, Lily’s being stingy so it’s my treat.”

 

“Even though we’re going out tomorrow for that wretched holiday? And here I thought you were insistent on cooking at home more often.”

 

Nathan sees Eric shrug, “We’ll start next week, I swear. You know it’s your fault for moving us to one of the restaurant capitals of the world.”

 

“I’m not complaining.”

 

Eric turns to look at Nathan, “Nathan, are you hungry? You can come with us if you want.”

 

Nathan glances at Brian and can’t read how he feels on Eric’s offer. It doesn’t really matter anyway. As hungry as he is, he’s had his Brian Kinney fill for the day and, more importantly, he wants to check and see how things went with Justin and his father.

 

“Thanks for the offer but I told Justin I would be home soon. I think he might be making dinner,” Nathan fibs.

 

“Alright, well some other time then,” Eric says with a smile.

 

“Sounds good. See you all later,” Nathan waves.

 

“Bye Nathan!” Lily says just a little bit too loudly.

 

Nathan goes out the stage door and heads to the first train he’ll need to take to get home.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

After Nathan gets off the L, he makes the short walk to their new apartment.

 

They didn’t move that far from Nathan’s old place. They did end up getting a two bedroom instead of a one bedroom. They bought a fold away wall for the the spare bedroom that had bookshelves attached and a bed that could be folded out if they had a guest. It was the best decision to get that rather than a regular double bed. Nathan kept his instruments in there and Justin had an easel and some supplies in there in case he didn’t feel like going to the gallery to work in his studio. They were planning to install a small work sink in there for Justin to use. It looked like the situation was really going to work out for them. The place had more space, the extra room served as a decent rec room whenever Nathan needed to practice or Justin wanted to work on his art. The only guest they might have for more than a night would probably be Molly so that’s the only time the room’s other purpose would need to come into effect.

 

It had only been two weeks, but he loved his new home. He loved living with Justin and coming home to him. He loved being able to make love to him whenever the lust arose and he loved that they could just be together as a couple. They talked things out better, they had become more affectionate. He finally felt comfortable and secure. All he wanted to do was come home to his boyfriend and see how he was doing

 

Despite Nathan not knowing about how Justin was doing after meeting with his father yet, he found himself excited to see him. Fuck, he was more lovesick than ever.

 

Maybe Justin is excited to see him too, since he’s opening the door before Nathan can even stick his key in the lock.

 

“Hey,” Justin says as he walks right outside their door and closes it behind him.

 

“Hey,” Nathan answers back, a bit confused, “I thought you were going out to dinner and wouldn’t be back yet.”

 

“Dinner...it didn’t happen. Something came up so I’ll call for take-out,” Justin says as he waves a hand.

 

Justin takes his hand and leads him downstairs out their building’s door. They stand out on the stoop in the cold and Justin stays quiet as he seems to be lost in his thoughts.

 

Nathan can immediately tell something is off. He wants to ask what’s going on and battles with himself on whether or not he should bring up Craig Taylor. Before he can decide, Justin brings him down for a soft kiss. It’s filled with need, pain, and confusion. He stays there and returns the kiss for as long as Justin needs. Justin does end up reluctantly pulling away and brushes his forehead with his.

 

“What’s going on? You seem sad. Does it have something to do with your dad?” Nathan asks him as cups his cheeks.

 

Justin nods and lets out a sigh.

 

“He do something to you? Did he say something that upset you?” Nathan presses, worried about what happened between Justin and Craig.

 

“He didn’t do anything to me. He didn’t say anything upsetting, at least not when it came to me.”

 

“Then what happened?” Nathan asks, concerned.

 

Justin looks so fucking troubled and it’s making him so worried.

 

“Justin, come on. You can tell me,” Nathan gently coaxes him.

 

Justin breathes out and then he finally tells Nathan what happened.

 

“I was purposely late to meet him. I let a few trains pass and eventually forced myself to get on. I was almost a half hour late and he probably thought I ditched him. He was still at the restaurant when I met him though. But I know that the fact I was so late didn’t help his nerves. He didn’t say anything about it despite that and I sat down with him. He was trying really hard but it was hard for me to sit there and listen to him and I made some underhanded remarks. I noticed he was acting funny. He was shaking and rocking a little in his seat. His breathing was erratic and he was making quiet humming noises. Finally I asked him why he was acting like that and he tried to say he was fine. I grilled him about it. Asked if he was sick or if he was on drugs. I knew I was making him more distressed but I had to know what was going on.”

 

Justin takes a breath to calm himself.

 

“He just kept trying to change the subject and eventually I got up and told him I was leaving. He grabbed my wrist and begged for me not to go. I turned around and saw that he was crying. Fuck, Nathan, you don’t know him but the man’s not a cryer. I sat down and asked him what was wrong and he just cried and started saying that he didn’t know over and over. He was rocking back and forth and had his arms crossed. Finally he told me how he’s been feeling. All the stuff that he told me just doesn’t match up with the father who raised me. He’s so fucking lonely and depressed. He ended up sobbing and breaking down right there at the table. I could tell he was trying to keep himself from doing it but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. I won’t get into our conversation. It was between us. But he managed to pull himself together enough to tell me his change in opinion on gay people and eventually settled down. There’s something seriously wrong with him. Fuck, I went in there planning on making the brunch as quick as possible. We didn’t even eat there. I sent the waitress away when she came with the food because of the state he was in and paid her after my dad calmed down. But I couldn’t just leave him after that happened, even though he was expecting me to. I ended up walking around with him for the rest of the day. I took him over to a Halal cart and he got us lunch. We sat in the park for a while and then went to IFC to see a movie. They were showing Lambert & Stamp, that rock documentary, so we went to see that. He was way too quiet and subdued to be normal but at least he seemed relaxed enough.”

 

“After we got out of the movie I suggested we go get some dinner. I should have just taken him to somewhere in the area but I figured it would be nice for him to see more than just the village and I haven’t been to Atrium in a while. It’s close to the water so I thought he would enjoy seeing the skyline from Brooklyn. I took him to the train station so we could catch the A train and things were fine before we went down the stairs. But it was still rush hour, it’s a major station, and it was really crowded. I could tell something changed after he went through the turnstile but I wasn’t thinking. People were rushing past and the place was packed. All of the sudden he wasn’t beside me and I looked around and found him fucking terrified. He was gripping his hair and could barely stand. He ended up having a full-blown panic attack. Logically, I knew what it was but I never associated it with him. I haven’t had one in years and they weren’t even close to being as intense as the one he was having. The ones I’ve seen you have weren’t even as horrifying as the one I saw him have tonight.”

 

Justin takes a moment to catch his breath and calm himself down before he continues. Nathan rubs his arm in concern and waits for Justin to gather himself.

 

“There was a cop nearby. He was nice about it and could tell that my dad was having a meltdown and a panic attack. He asked me if he should go up on the street and call an ambulance but my dad was shaking his head and begging him not to so the cop just stood in front of us to keep people from coming too close. The panic attack hadn’t passed but I figured he needed to get out of there so I led him upstairs and eventually got a cab.”

 

Justin stifles a sob and Nathan puts his arms around his neck.

 

“Justin…”

 

“I-I couldn’t just have the cab drop him off at his hotel. I don’t think I could even leave my worst enemy in a state like that. He could barely walk right, the attack was so debilitating. I had to keep an arm wrapped around him because he was so unsteady. His attack was still going on while we were in the cab. I brought him here and he’s in the living room. It finally passed fifteen minutes after we got back. He’s embarrassed but he’s so fucking exhausted that he hasn’t even been able to try to brush off what happened. I know it’s probably weird for you that’s he’s here but I can’t send him back to his hotel tonight, not in the state he’s in. Maybe he’ll feel better tomorrow but he’s such a fucking wreck that I don’t feel good about leaving him by himself while he’s here. He’s not in his right mind and it’s scaring me-”

 

“Justin, don’t worry about making me uncomfortable. God, don’t worry about me at all right now. It’s fine. He can sleep in the spare room tonight or until whenever you feel okay with him going back to the hotel.”

 

“I’m fucking pathetic, huh? Talking about how much I resent him but wanting to take care of him almost as soon as I see him.”

 

“No, you’re not pathetic. You have a big heart, that’s all. It’s a good thing. He made a lot of big mistakes when you came out. It’s not going to be something you get over automatically, even if he is remorseful. But I know you. You aren’t going to let him suffer like this. I’m not going to be annoyed that he’s here, especially if he’s in the state you say he’s in. It’s okay. I want to help you and that means helping you help him.”

 

Nathan brushes a stray tear off of Justin’s face and kisses him. Justin lets out a quiet and desperate noise and clings on to him.

 

“Thank you,” Justin mumbles, “For wanting to be here for me.”

 

“We’re partners. Where else would I be?”

 

Neither of them have actually said the word “partner” before. To Nathan, it seemed reserved for couples who were practically married and living together. Justin seems a bit surprised that the term came out of Nathan’s mouth. But Nathan won’t take it back. They’re living with each other now and have been together for two years. They’re partners.

 

“I’m going to head up to the apartment. You can introduce me to your dad and we’ll all agree on a restaurant to order from.”

 

“Okay. How did rehearsal go?”

 

“It was fine. I’m not going to be around for Friday and Saturday nights starting in the next couple of weeks though. Brian has us performing in these really great venues to get the locals talking. Then we’ll really start promoting and I’ll be working even more.”

 

“Not to mention practically every day once the show starts,” Justin adds, a strange combination of bummed but proud.

 

“You’ll just have to come see me often then,” Nathan suggests as he kisses Justin’s cheek.

 

“You know I will.”

 

Together, they go back up the stairs to their second floor apartment. Nathan unlocks the door and Justin takes the lead by going inside first. Nathan follows him and sees the man who must be Justin’s father sitting on the couch. Justin was right. The man looks absolutely exhausted. His eyes are open, staring at nothing and look haunted and empty. It’s disconcerting to say the least.

 

“Dad?”

 

Craig turns his head to look at Justin and tries to give him a small smile but doesn’t quite manage.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“I-I…” But Craig doesn’t seem to know how to answer Justin’s question.

 

“Okay. I want to introduce you to someone,” Justing says placatingly.

 

“Alright.”

 

Justin clears his throat and turns to Nathan.

 

“This is Nathan. He’s my boyfriend. He lives here with me.”

 

To Nathan’s surprise, Craig slowly gets up. He’s shaky but manages to walk over to him.

 

“It’s...It’s nice to meet you Nathan. Justin says you’re a good guy,” Craig offers as he holds out his hand.

 

Nathan accepts the handshake and offers the man a welcoming smile.

 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Taylor. We were going to order some food. You have any preference on what you want?”

 

“Please, call me Craig. I’m not feeling so well. You boys go ahead and get what you want.”

 

“We’ll narrow it down to a few places and we’ll get you something in case you want it later. Eating a good meal might make you feel better.”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Nathan gently takes Craig’s arm and leads him back to the couch.

 

“Here, let’s sit down.”

 

Craig looks at him oddly but hesitantly sits down and Nathan does the same. It’s hard to bring up a safe and neutral topic. He doesn’t know much about Craig. Justin tried not to talk about him much. This is also a man who could possibly be mentally ill and very depressed , not to mention racked with guilt over the stale relationship with his son. Even if Nathan brings up a topic seemingly non-confrontational, like Craig’s store, he could easily upset him if it brings back a negative memory.

 

“Are there any places in the city you want to see that you haven’t yet? I know you just got here this morning but I figure you’ve been here before since Pittsburgh isn’t that far.”

 

Nathan knows he’s being more friendly than he would usually be, especially since he is talking to a man who hurt Justin so badly in the past. But he’s suffered panic attacks for over half his life. He knows how much the major ones can take out of you. To have one in public can be absolutely humiliating and mortifying. And the way Justin described the attack, it sounded intense and all-consuming.

 

“I’ve been here several times. I just wanted to see Justin,” Craig mumbles honestly while looking down at his feet.

 

“I know, but you have to fill up your time with him somehow. This one tends to drag you place to place, all day and all night. He exhausts Molly unless she insists on creating the itinerary. You might want to give him a few places so he is forced to limit his options a little,” Nathan tells him as he looks up and winks at Justin.

 

“He was always like that. Even as a little boy. Jennifer and I took him to Disney World for the first time when he was five and he had us all over the place. Woke us up at 6 am each morning, demanding that we get up so we could get started on the next park,” Craig chuckles, lost in the memory.

 

“It sounds like he hasn’t changed one bit.”

 

“I’m glad. He was always such a good boy.”

 

Nathan glances over at Justin and, as soon as he does, he wants to jump up and hold him. It’s hard to see Justin so choked up and not do anything about it. But he can also tell that Justin doesn’t want how he’s feeling to catch his father’s attention so Nathan gives him an out.

 

“Justin, why don’t you go to the bedroom and get on your laptop so you can look up a restaurant on Grubhub? I’m sure Craig isn’t a picky eater. Find him something that will still be good if he heats it up later,” he quietly tells his partner.

 

Justin sniffles and nods then quickly heads to the bedroom. Nathan turns to Craig and starts up the conversation again.

 

“You should ask him to take you to a few art museums. He can go to all of them over and over again and never get sick of them. I appreciated art before I met him but the passion he has just sucks you in. He knows so much about all of it and can sit there for hours just looking at one painting if you let him. When he talks about it, you can’t help but listen. He makes it sound so interesting and you find yourself wanting to hear what he knows and what his opinion is on a certain piece. He owns a gallery close by too so you should ask him to show you it. It’s a great place.”

 

Craig meets his eyes and nods.

 

“I want to get him to talk to me about things again. It’s been such a long time. Going to places he enjoys will be a good way to meet him halfway. Thank you, Nathan.”

 

Nathan feels himself becoming a bit bashful under Craig’s sincerity so he looks away and shrugs.

 

“What is it that you do?” Craig asks him, genuinely interested.

 

“I’m a musician. I have a band but also do music for television to pay the bills. Our band has a following but we hadn’t made progress for over a year so that had been disappointing. But we recently got cast in a rock musical on Broadway. I just came back from rehearsal.”

 

“That’s fantastic. It’ll help you get more recognition. I’m happy for you.”

 

“Thank you. That means a lot,” Nathan says to him, surprised at the praise.

 

There is a silence between them. Nathan looks down and can see that Craig’s hands are shaking. Despite being alert enough for a conversation, Nathan can tell he didn’t just perk up after he walked in. He’s obviously suffering the aftershocks of his attack and it’s taken a toll on him.

 

“Do you need anything? Water, ginger ale, crackers? My stomach bothers me sometimes after I have a really bad panic attack.”

 

Craig stutters, gets wide eyed, and blushes, “I-I’m fine. You shouldn’t have to go to any trouble.”

 

“It’s okay, Craig. I know how shitty they can be. Your head hurt? I can get you some Aleve.”

 

Craig hesitates but ends up nodding so Nathan walks to the bathroom and gets the Aleve out of the medicine cabinet then gets a glass to fill with water. He goes back to the living room and puts the glass on the coffee table, then puts the tablets in Craig’s hand.

 

“Here. It’ll make you feel a little better. It’s PM so it will help you sleep too.”

 

Craig shakes his head, “I can get some at CVS once I get to my hotel. I don’t want to get drowsy and overstay my welcome.”

 

Nathan raises an eyebrow.

 

“You really feel up to taking a trip back to Manhattan after what happened? When I have a panic attack, it sometimes wipes me out for the rest of the day. I had one when I was a teenager that lasted a few hours once. It was so bad that I thought I was going to die. It scared me. It eventually passed but I was exhausted. Justin and I think it’s best that you stay here, at least for tonight. We have a spare room. It has my instruments and some of Justin’s supplies in there but there’s a bed that folds out. You won’t be overcrowding us or anything.”

 

But Craig keeps shaking his head.

 

“I don’t think Justin will like it if I stay. He’s put up with me all day and I’m sure I embarrassed him so much with what happened in the station and at the restaurant. I’m sure he told you what all happened if you know about the panic attack. I don’t want to bug him by hanging around when he doesn’t really want me in New York in the first place. I’ll be okay. Maybe I can see Justin in a couple of days.”

 

“It was his idea that you stay here. He’s worried sick about you. He’ll be a lot more at ease if he can keep an eye on you.”

 

“I don’t-”

 

“Just give up and take the pills.”

 

Craig looks at him to try to find a catch but actually listens to what Nathan says and downs the Aleve with the water.

 

Nathan sits down next to him again and looks over toward the hallway. Still no sign of Justin. He must be really worked up. Or doing that thing where he browses Grubhub for over an hour before actually ordering something. It bugs the shit out of him when Justin does that. It’s already bad enough when he has to wait almost an hour for his food after putting in the order but then he has to add the time that comes with how indecisive Justin can be before he finally confirms their meals. Like, sometimes Nathan is really hungry and he just waits and waits for Justin to pick a place. It’s hard with 92 restaurants delivering to them but-

 

“Why do you have panic attacks?” Craig suddenly asks him.

 

It’s kind of an invasive question from someone he just met. He would tell him to fuck off if it weren’t for the fact that Craig is Justin’s father and had just suffered a major one himself.

 

“I know that’s probably not an appropriate question but...I don’t know. I’m not like this. I’ve never been like this until a little over a year ago. I feel like I’m going insane and I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Craig confides in him, very distressed.

 

Nathan lets out a sigh.

 

“I’m not going to give the details. Only Justin knows the full extent of what happened. But I had a horrible childhood and a horrible father.”

 

He knows the statement strikes a nerve within Craig since the man grimaces.

 

“It wasn’t like your situation with Justin. My father probably made you look like father of the century. My father was...sick. Fucked up. Souless. A monster.”

 

“I-I’m sorry. I apologize for bringing it up. You have a real reason for having them and I’m just a fucking mess.”

 

“That’s not true. Some people have them for no pinpointed reason at all. Obviously, you having them on a regular basis is an indicator that something is terribly wrong. You might need to be on medication, get diagnosed with a couple of things, and talk to someone. But my reason isn’t more or less valid than yours. It’s just different.”

 

Before Craig can respond, they hear the bedroom door open from the hall. Nathan gets up to evaluate Justin and sees that his eyes are bloodshot and a little puffy.

 

“Where did you order from?” Nathan asks, trying to keep things normal.

 

“Sweet Chick,” Justin responds, his voice raspy.

 

“Comfort food. It’ll be good for us,” Nathan remarks as he kisses Justin’s forehead.

 

“...Can you tell I’ve been crying?” Justin whispers.

 

“A little bit. It’s okay. You’re allowed,” Nathan whispers into his hair.

 

“I don’t want to make him feel bad. I’m going to wash my face,” Justin tells him as he gently pulls away.

 

“Okay.”

 

Justin doesn’t necessarily come back out of the bathroom looking as good as new, but what went on in the bedroom is a little less obvious. They both go back to the living room and turn on the television. Craig is indifferent to what they watch and Nathan doesn’t think he’s actually watching what’s on the screen. But that’s okay because he and Justin aren’t really either. The television does get their nerves to settle down though so it’s good for something.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Craig eventually ends up eating part of his meal before getting too tired to even pick up his fork.

 

“Dad? Nathan has the sheets on the bed. I’ll walk you into the bedroom so you can rest a while.”

 

“It’s barely 9 o’clock,” Craig mumbles tiredly as Justin helps him up.

 

“It’s okay. You’ve had a rough day. You can get well rested and feel better tomorrow,” Nathan says to him.

 

Craig nods and Justin leads him to the spare room. Within a few minutes, Justin is turning off the lights and gently shutting the door behind him so that he can head back to the living room.

 

Nathan feels Justin take his hand and Nathan looks at him and squeezes in response.

 

“Thank you,” Justin tells him.

 

“I didn’t do anything.”

 

“You were here. You got him to open up a little to you. I heard certain parts. You are an incredible person. I don’t tell you that enough.”

 

Nathan gives Justin a smile and strokes his face. Justin pulls him in for a kiss and within a few minutes, Nathan knows there’s no stopping the moment from going further.

 

“Bedroom,” Justin gasps out as Nathan kisses along his jaw.

 

Both of them quickly get up and make their way to their bed. They slowly strip each other out of their clothing and Nathan gently pushes Justin onto his back. Justin nods and brings him down for a kiss so he reaches over to the nightstand to put the condom on. When he breaches Justin and they slowly move together, taking their time in the moment, it feels an awful lot like love.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nathan is half-asleep when he feels Justin kiss his shoulder and the bed shift.

 

“Where are you going?” Nathan yawns, starting to sit up to look at his lover.

 

“For a walk. I just need to get some fresh air and think,” Justin says, not quite meeting his eyes.

 

“It’s getting late. I can go with you,” Nathan offers.

 

“I just...I need to be alone for a while. Clear my head. You’re tired and you have rehearsal tomorrow morning. Get some rest. I won’t be gone too long.”

 

“Okay, if you say so. Love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Justin tells him, then gives him a quick kiss on the lips.

 

Nathan plans to wait up for Justin but the comfort of their new bed lures him in before he can stay awake for more than an hour. By the time Justin comes back, he’s out like a light.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nathan’s alarm is set for 7:30. They have an early practice today due to it being a holiday. They can have the rest of their day free this way. The cast is lucky that their director is a romantic.

 

When the alarm goes off, he turns it off quickly and it doesn’t even rouse Justin. Nathan stretches then heads to the shower and stands under the steady hot stream. He brushes his teeth, eats a banana for breakfast, then goes back to the bedroom to change into his clothes for the day.

 

He’s unplugging his phone from the nightstand when Justin’s chimes twice next to his. It’s hard not to see what the texts say when the screen lights up.

 

Brian:
I’ll make a call to Dr. Tessler today to make sure she fits him in.
She's good and I really do hope therapy will help him.

 

Brian:
If you ever need to talk, in person or otherwise again,
don’t hesitate. I’ll be here.

 

Figuring out the reason why Justin wanted to walk alone last night hits him harder than he’d like to admit, especially when he was trying so hard to be there for him. He has to suck back the unwanted tears as he walks to the train.

“You look terrifying.”

 

He looks up and sees her standing there, eyebrow raised and coat on, ready to relax for the rest of her weekend.

 

But Malia’s jab won’t be getting to him today. Fuck no. He’s not going to take this terrifying grin off his face and become suave and stoic right now. It’s Sunday so there’s no one in the office except for him, Malia, and two of his new workaholic employees trying to show their worth. He doesn’t need to keep up the intimidating boss routine up. Not when something this big has happened. Once he tells her what’s going on, she’ll look terrifying as well.

 

“We got them.”

 

Malia pauses then marches over to his desk.

 

“We got who? Don’t get my hopes up with your vagueness. Be more specific.”

 

Brian stands up and walks around his desk to hold onto her arms.

 

“Coca-Cola said yes to our campaign. They want to change up their image since they’ve been around so long and have the money to do it.”

 

Malia laughs and says, “What’s the yearly budget? You wouldn’t tell me!”

 

“3 billion dollars.”

 

“Three Billion?! Oh my god! I’m getting a raise!”

 

Brian shakes his head.

 

“Not just that. You’re getting a new position as an ad exec. One of the ideas they singled out was yours. You are one of the reasons why we’re about to be filthy rich.”

 

Malia takes a step back and stares up at Brian.

 

“You’re messing with me.”

 

“No, Malia. I’m not messing with you. I think you are going to do great things. You’ve put forth great ideas ever since you made me sit down and listen. I’ll miss you as an assistant but I’ll get over it eventually. I’ll even train you. I haven’t personally done that for a while. And you can find someone to replace you. Hopefully we’ll transition you to a senior advertising position within the next six weeks or so.”

 

“Wait, you mean junior, right?”

 

“No, senior. You have been doing just as much as the junior advertising executives. You have worked your ass off and unofficially filled two positions. You have come up with just as many great ideas. You made sure I saw you as more than an assistant. You deserve Senior. Hey, are you okay?”

 

But Malia is too busy tearing up to answer. He hates dealing with crying women.

 

“Malia, you’re going to have to toughen up if you are going to be a ruthless ad man.”

 

Malia glares at him and wipes her tears.

 

“Shut up, Kinney.”

 

That’s a bit more familiar. He’s about to give her a light pat on the back but is interrupted by her charging forward to hug him.

 

“Thank you. I mean it,” she says softly then lets go to straighten her posture and become professional once more.

 

“You done?” Brian asks, straightening his suit.

 

“Yes,” Malia says, defensive, “Tiana and I are going to head out. I’m sure she’s bored of coloring at my desk. She wants to see a movie.”

 

“Which one?”

 

“Spongebob.”

 

Brian huffs out a laugh, “Saw it.”

 

“When have you even had time to see a movie?”

 

Brian shrugs, “Lily was begging to go last Saturday even though it literally came out just the day before. I had Duncan for a few hours while Emmett catered an event. Drew was at some pediatric benefit and Eric was overseeing construction in Bensonhurst so I got stuck with them. Eric and I only have a nanny for Lily a few hours on the weekdays and Emmett and Drew only have an occasional babysitter since Drew has more time on his hands now that he’s retired from football. I don’t know why we don’t have a full time one. Something about how we should spend quality time with our kid. Why did we think that was such a good idea?”

 

“Ha! Sorry, I’m just imagining you trying to keep a hold of two pre-schoolers in the city. It’s so domestic.”

 

Brian ignores the comment. He likes talking about Lily so it doesn’t matter.

 

“I went to the Regal on Court Street so it wasn’t too far. I kept a death grip on each of their hands. There ended up being no issue. I just needed for them to sit down and chill out. It wasn’t too bad. It had time travel and talking dolphins in space, shit like that. Typical acid induced Spongebob. Lily and Duncan loved it. They’ve known each other for less than two months and every time they see each other they act as though they have been separated by war and are reuniting after years apart. Twenty minutes later they are arguing. Then they’re running around and laughing up a storm. Then Lily gets mad that he doesn’t want to play tea party or he’s mad that she doesn’t want to play with his toys. They’re so back and forth but Lily usually cries when he goes home or she has to leave him.”

 

Malia smirks but doesn’t say anything. He hates when she does that.

 

“What’s with that look?” Brian asks, a little confused and suspicious.

 

“Nothing,” Malia insists but gives in at Brian’s raised brow, “Just sounds like your baby may have a bit of a crush.”

 

“Oh, shut up. You sound like Emmett. They aren’t even four years old,” Brian insists.

 

“I’m sure it’s adorable.”

 

“Speaking of Emmett,” Brian says as he pointedly ignores his assistant, “He and Drew are coming over with Duncan today so I’m going to get going as well. I’ll make the announcement about Coke tomorrow morning and we’ll get to work first thing.”

 

Brian follows Malia out of his office and Malia calls out, “Tiana, let’s go see a movie!”

 

“Is Brian coming?” Tiana says as she hands her mom a picture.

 

“No, baby. He already watched it with Lily. This is mother-daughter time.”

 

“Okay!”

 

The three of them leave head for the front doors, tell the new workaholics to have a good day, and head out.

 

“We’re just going to go to the AMC on the next block over so we’re heading this way. See you tomorrow, Brian!”

 

Brian waves them off and catches a cab back to Brooklyn Heights.

 

He can’t wait to tell Eric about the new campaign. He’ll be excited for him. Maybe they can celebrate later this week. Although he knows that Eric will probably be extra enthusiastic in bed tonight to let him know how proud he is.

 

But of course he has to deal with their child first. Who, by the looks of it, is quite a handful right now. Her toys are out and all over the living room floor and she’s dragging her costume trunk down their steps as he walks in.

 

“Lily, what are you doing? You’re going to fall.”

 

“Will not!” she grunts out as she drags it down another step.

 

Eric looks up from where he is trying to straighten up Lily’s things and glares at up at his daughter when he sees what she’s trying to do.

 

“Lily, you are really toeing a thin line here! I told you not to bring more toys down. I WILL call Emmett and Drew and tell them to leave Duncan at home!”

 

Brian snorts at the threat and at Lily’s look of pure terror.

 

“No no! He HAS to come over!”

 

“Then start taking some of your toys back to your room. Now. And no costume trunk.”

 

“But I have prince outfits he can wear and we can be the prince and princess.”

 

“That would be adorable,” he hears Eric mutter.

 

“Fine. But let Daddy carry it the rest of the way down. And come take some of your dolls and stuffed animals back upstairs.”

 

“Okay!”

 

Lily steps to the side and the trunk slides down the stairs and bursts open in the foyer.

 

And Brian is just laughing at this point. His day has been really on point so anything minor that goes wrong is sort of hilarious to him.

 

“Sorry, Daddy! I’ll put them back in the trunk.”

 

He bends over to help Lily put all of her costumes back in and picks up the trunk to carry it to the corner of the room.

 

Then he turns to his daughter, “Listen to your papa and pick up some of your things. You know you don’t need everything down here. And put them in your room where they belong, don’t just toss them in the middle of the floor.”

 

Lily walks into the middle of the living room and looks around at all her toys.

 

“Okay. I’ll take this and this...and this upstairs. But I am leaving this. Duncan will think it is the coolest toy ever and we’ll have so much fun. But I’ll take Nala back upstairs and my Polly Pocket set too.”

 

Lily loads her little arms up with toys and goes up the stairs to carry them up to her room.

 

Eric sighs and kisses Brian hello.

 

“God, Brian. She’s been such a pain today. She’s driving me crazy.”

 

“And here I thought you were the patient parent,” Brian smirks.

 

“You don’t know how off the walls she’s been since you left this morning. I tried to get her to watch a movie but she wouldn’t sit still. I took her to the park but that didn’t wear off some of her energy like I thought it would because when I tried to get her to take a nap she just kept getting up. Since Duncan is coming over she’s just been focusing on him. Her crush is adorable but god she’s obsessive.”

 

Brian frowns.

 

“I don’t think she has a crush. They’re just best friends.”

 

Eric laughs at him.

 

“Brian, please. It’s obviously very innocent but little kids get crushes on their friends and classmates all the time. They don’t know what it means. Just today she wanted to talk about our wedding and what she would have to do as the flower girl. I told her about what’s planned and she said, ‘Well when Duncan and me get married, we’re going to have tigers and elephants at our wedding.’ As though that made her wedding plans so much better than ours.”

 

Brian grimaces.

 

“Look at you,” Eric teases, “Going into protective dad mode so soon.”

 

“I am not. I’m just thinking of how expensive that wedding will be.”

 

Eric laughs at that and Brian puts his arms around him.

 

“I have something to tell you.”

 

"What is it?”

 

“We got it. Kent called my cell when I went into the office this morning.”

 

Eric steps back.

 

“Kent? That’s-”

 

“The CEO of Coca-Cola. It’s a three billion dollar campaign.”

 

Eric breaks out into a grin and Brian smiles just as widely back and pulls his fiancé in for a kiss.

 

“Brian, that’s fantastic! I know how much you wanted it. I am so so proud of you,” Eric says as he caresses his face.

 

“It’s so big. It’s-”

 

“Everything you’ve worked towards. I know,” Eric finishes gently.

 

“I’m making Malia a Senior Advertising Executive. She’s helped a lot with the campaign. She deserves it. Ted and Cynthia are freaking out. They are coming in later in the week to discuss where to go from here.”

 

“We’ll have to celebrate while they’re in.”

 

Brian sways with Eric. He feels high right now and Eric is indulging him in his uncharacteristic silliness. They’re making out and fuck, he wants to go further but Lily comes stomping down the stairs, cock-blocker that she is, and he forces himself to pull away.

 

“There. I did what you asked. Happy now?”

 

“Ecstatic, darling,” Brian calls out grandly as he sweeps his little girl off her feet and swings her out while he turns around.

 

“Daddy, what are you doing?” Lily yells.

 

“Daddy is money-happy, baby. He’ll be like this all day.”

 

“Money-happy?”

 

“It’s a very real emotion. Money pays for the tigers and elephants," Brian teases and raises an eyebrow at Lily in question.

 

“What? Papa, I told you that in secret!” Lily scolds before she demands to be let down.

 

“You didn’t tell me it was a secret.”

 

“Well, it is.”

 

Eric raises an eyebrow and Lily runs up the steps and goes into her room.

 

“What a drama queen,” Eric drawls.

 

“She gets it from somewhere,” Brian reminds him.

 

“Yeah, from you.”

 

Brian playfully pushes Eric’s shoulder and heads into the kitchen to get some water then sits down.

 

“I’m starving. I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch today,” Brian hints as he looks up at Eric with big eyes.

 

“Then why don’t you make yourself something to eat?” Eric mocks.

 

Brian just tilts his head.

 

“Fine. You’ve convinced me. What about a torta? That’s what Lily wanted for lunch and I have some meat left over.”

 

“Random choice for a three year old.”

 

“It’s her heritage, Brian. At least Mexicans have decent food. I, for one, am glad she chose it.”

 

“Hey, don’t diss the Irish. We have potatoes.”

 

“Which originally came from South America.”

 

“Which the Europeans eventually found and claimed as their own you mean. Why are we even discussing this?”

 

“I’m not sure. We ran out of potatoes when you made chicken and mashed potatoes last week.”

 

“It’s fine. I’m craving a torta now anyway.”

 

“Then why are we talking about potatoes?”

 

Brian just shrugs and waits for Eric to heat up the meat and put his meal together.

 

“Hey, did you get a hold of Dr. Tessler for Justin? I didn’t get to bring up the subject yesterday when I got home since we went out for Valentine’s Day.

 

“Yeah. She always has a waiting list but she said she would fit Craig in if he or Justin got a hold of her on Monday.”

 

“Good. Justin was pretty upset when he came over the other night. I was worried about him.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“I know you were.”

 

Eric puts the sandwich in front of him and sits down across from Brian. Brian changes the subject from there. He doesn’t want to think about Justin calling him so fucking worried about the man who kicked him out. They had just put Lily to bed when Brian’s phone rang and Justin had been quiet then finally said, “You’re the only one who knows about how I felt when everything went down with my dad. I’m having trouble with all of this. Shit, I shouldn’t be calling. I don’t know why I called.”

 

And since Brian promised himself to not take part in any more secret phone calls, he told Justin to hold on for a minute. Then he took a deep breath and told Eric what was going on and asked if it would be okay with him if Justin stopped by to talk about what was going on with his dad.

 

Eric had surprisingly said it was fine. When Justin hesitantly accepted the invitation, Eric had offered him something to drink, made some small talk, and was scarce on and off. Of course he didn’t leave the house. Brian can’t blame him for that. He probably wouldn’t knowingly leave Eric at home with one of his exes either.

 

Justin had stayed for a couple of hours. He choked up talking about what went on that day and, while Brian didn’t particularly feel a strong amount of sympathy for Craig, he wanted him better. He could tell how much it tore up Justin that Craig was this depressed and messed up. He didn’t know what he could do to really help Justin or Craig though. He sat there and listened, asked a few questions, wondered why Justin was here of all places.

 

Eric had caught enough of the story when Justin first came in. It had been when he passed through to get a drink of water he said, “What about Dr. Tessler? Does your dad still live in Pittsburgh, Justin?”

 

That left him explaining how they knew Dr. Tessler. His poker-faced therapist who sometimes dabbled in couples’ therapy on Brian and Eric’s behalf in their early years. The woman that helped him come to terms with his break-up with Justin and completely commit himself to a man he loved just as much.

 

He didn’t say all of that, of course. He had just said, “You know how fucked up I used to be, Justin. Hiring a therapist was long overdue and she’s one of the best on the east coast. I saw her once to twice a week for over eight months and had appointments about once a month after that until we moved to Chicago. I still call her sometimes when I get too stressed and have an occasional appointment with her when I’m in Pittsburgh. She became someone I could confide in. I can call her tomorrow and see if I can get her to bump your dad up on her constant waiting list. You know how persuasive I can be. He has to want help and be open to it though.”

 

“I think he is,” Justin had answered, “I told him that he needed to start seeing a psychiatrist after what happened at the restaurant and he nodded. I’ll tell him that she’s good.

 

“It’s probably best you don’t tell him I recommended her to you. I don’t think she would have any biased feelings about it since I don’t think he was ever brought up but he might be biased against her if he knows.”

 

And it had been decided. Brian eventually called Eric back in to sit next to him and Justin said he needed to get back about 20 minutes after that. They walked him to the door and wished him goodnight. When Brian led Eric to the bedroom, he handed over the tube of lube and turned over on his stomach. He had been itching to get fucked for most of the day and Eric being so gracious had topped off the reasons as to why it had to happen.

 

“You alright?” Eric presses.

 

Brian shakes himself out of his thoughts and smiles.

 

“Just thinking of when you were fucking me the other night and how good it felt.”

 

He wasn’t lying. His dick was getting hard just thinking about it.

 

Eric’s eyes widen and he laughs, “And here I thought you were a bossy and exclusive top. There’s still hope for you yet.”

 

Brian smirks, “I’m only a bossy top 70% of the time, remember?”

 

“I recall you saying 75%. I’m glad you find my estimation more accurate.”

 

“What can I say? I’m engaged to a genius.”

 

Brian stands up and comes around the table. He’s about to bend down to kiss Eric but his partner is quick on his feet and pushes him into the refrigerator. And then...damn, Eric knows how to give a good kiss.

 

“Lily’s...upstairs,” Brian gets out in between kisses.

 

“It’s fine, she’s pissed at me and won’t be down for a while,” Eric insists as he kisses Brian’s face.

 

And Brian’s about to give in. He’s just about to fuck Eric against the counter. Or let Eric fuck him against the refrigerator. He doesn’t give a shit. As long as they both come, it’s fine. Lily may come down any second. She might actually be quiet for once and accidentally walk in on her dads fucking. She’d get over it. He could call Dr. Tessler for her too.

 

Unfortunately, the doorbell rings and pulls them out of the moment. He has to laugh when Eric glares in the direction of the front door and straightens out his shirt in a huff. He turns away from Brian to go and answer it and that’s when they hear the high pitch squeal from upstairs.

 

“DUNCAN’S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

They make it to the living room before Lily does, even though she forgoes the steps and climbs onto the banister to slide down instead. He doesn’t get how she can do that since it’s taller than her. Just like the time she hung from the pots and pans over the stove, Jesus Christ.

 

Brian catches her before she makes it all the way down so she doesn’t get hurt.

 

“What did I tell you about sliding down the bannister?”

 

“Nothing yet! That’s the first time I’ve done it at this house,” Lily chirps.

 

“Well, the same rules apply. Don’t do it.”

 

“You should try it. Maybe you’d have more fun,” Lily mumbles but then runs to the door.

 

Eric peaks through and welcomes in Emmett, Drew and Duncan.

 

That’s when the greetings begin. Lily is immediately squealing and she and Duncan are hugging it out, Emmett is cooing and snapping pictures, and Drew is offering them both butch handshakes.

 

“Daddy, where’s my rocket ship at? I wanna show Lily,” Duncan asks as he turns to Emmett.

 

“It’s in the bag I brought, Baby. I’ll get it out for you once Pa and I get in and sit down,” Emmett says as he unzips his son’s jacket. As soon as Duncan gets his jacket off and recovers from yet another epic reunion with Lily, he turns to Brian and Eric then looks up and waves.

 

“Hi!”

 

“Hi, Duncan! I’m glad you could come over. Lily has been so excited to see you,” Eric says as he bends down to return the boy’s hug. When Eric releases Duncan, he barrels himself over to Brian and hugs his legs.

 

Shit, the kid may not be related to Emmett or Drew by blood but he’s built just as solid as Drew is. Once the kid gets taller, he may actually manage to knock Brian down.

 

“Hi, Brian!” Duncan says as he looks up at him.

 

“Hi, Duncan,” Brian says back as he ruffles the little bit of hair that he has.

 

“Duncan, come here! Put these on over your clothes!” Lily insists as she reapproaches them, already wearing one of her costumes.

 

“Oh my goodness, how cute! Yes, Duncan, go dress up like a prince so I can take pictures!” Emmett says as he snaps away.

 

Brian doesn’t even try to resist rolling his eyes. Emmett has turned into this over-the-top scrapbook parent who can’t get enough pictures of his son. Drew had taken almost as many pictures at first but probably realized that Emmett was getting every possible moment in. And even though Brian was happy for Emmett since even he could admit that Emmett was one of the nicest people he had ever met and deserved everything he had now, he knew how cute Duncan was already. He didn’t have to see every picture he took of the boy.

 

The four of them sat down and caught each other up on what was going on since they hadn’t seen each other since last Saturday and watched the kids act like animals around the living room. Kids are fucking weird.

 

“Meow,” Lily said as she clambers into Brian’s lap and away from Duncan, who is barking at her.

 

“I don’t like cats. Why is there one in my lap?” Brian said with a glare.

 

“Meow,” Lily answers as she licks the back of her hand.

 

“Go play. Don’t claw the furniture or get hair on anything.”

 

Lily hops down and she and Duncan go and do whatever the fuck on the other side of the room.

 

“Brian, you should tell them,” Eric says as he nudges his side, “The kids are more or less keeping to themselves now.”

 

“Ooh, tell us what? Is it exciting?” Emmett says while he claps.

 

Brian looks at them and gives in, “Alright, fine. Emmett, Ted may have told you but Kinnetik had a very important meeting a few days ago with Coca-Cola for an ad campaign. They are willing to put three billion dollars towards advertising a year so it’s fucking huge. Anyway, the CEO called me today. He must have similar ideas when it comes to working on the weekends but said he made a decision while he had breakfast this morning and decided to go with us.”

 

“Brian, that’s great!” Drew tells him sincerely.

 

“I’m so proud, Baby!” Emmett squeals as he runs over to hug Brian.

 

“Alright, alright. That’s enough, Honeycutt,” Brian says after he returns the hug and starts warding off Emmett when the man doesn’t take the hint.

 

“Sorry. I just know how hard you worked for everything you have. It’s inspiring to see you achieve this.”

 

And that’s not a tear he feels in his eye. It isn’t. And since it isn’t he pushes Emmett back towards the couch.

 

“Go sit next to your husband before he gets jealous.”

 

“You’re probably right. He does know about that one time at Babylon when I first arrived in Pittsburgh. Remember how you staked out the new guy, Brian?” Emmett winks.

 

Brian is about to reply but a shouting match interrupts them.

 

“We’re going to play princess in the castle!”

 

“No! I don’t want to play that! I want to play Power Rangers!”

 

“I don’t want to play Power Rangers!”

 

“I do!”

 

“I don’t!”

 

“I-”

 

“Hey! Stop arguing! Lily, he’ll be here for a while. You can play both. Duncan’s the guest. Play what he is wants to play first.”

 

Lily glares at Eric.

 

“Don’t give me that look. I’ll put you in time-out upstairs if you are going to be like that and Duncan can stay down here.”

 

“But he was yelling too!” Lily cries.

 

“You both need to stop yelling. Now either figure out how to combine Power Rangers and princesses, let him go first, or pretend to be something else.”

 

Lily stews in her anger for a minute, stomping around with her arms crossed. It makes Brian want to root for Duncan in this stupid scenario but unfortunately Duncan decides to make peace.

 

“You be a princess and I’ll be the red ranger and save you from the big dinosaur at the castle.”

 

Lily perks up immediately.

 

“Okay! I’ll go stand over on the seat by the window ‘cause that’s where the castle is. Daddy, will you be the dinosaur?”

 

“No.”

 

She looks towards Emmett and Drew so Brian intercepts before she has a chance to ask.

 

“They’re busy, Lily. We’re talking. Just pretend like there’s one.”

 

Lily makes an exasperated sound, “Fine. I don’t know why they don’t want to play, Duncan. Daddy pretended to be a bear yesterday when I wanted to play Goldilocks.”

 

“Aw, Brian! I bet you were a marvelous bear.”

 

Brian scoffs, “Shut up, Honeycutt.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The kids finally wear themselves out a little bit and Eric puts in a movie for them to watch in the living room while the adults go and make dinner. Well, while Emmett and Eric make dinner. Drew and Brian try to stay out of it as much as possible and eventually sneak out to the sunroom out back and take a few hits off a joint, something Drew hasn’t done for years since he stayed clean and healthy for his football career. He starts feeling it before Brian does and hands the joint back.

 

“We shouldn’t be doing this with the kids in the living room. You’re a bad influence, Kinney.”

 

Brian shrugs, “They were minutes away from passing out. I don’t do it as much anymore since I have a kid in the house but I find time to let myself unwind. I cut out every other drug except for this and alcohol. I don’t even smoke cigarettes anymore. Lily and Gus ganged up on me last summer and asked me to stop. So I don’t feel guilty about it. Especially when Lily has been climbing the walls today. She’s crazy about your kid. It’s annoying.”

 

Drew snickers, “Yeah, Duncan wouldn’t shut up about her on the whole ride here. Emmett thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen and probably drives the whole family crazy with the pictures he keeps sending. He keeps talking about a joint birthday party since Duncan is only a week older than Lily.”

 

“Lily would get excited but then get pissed at Duncan for not wanting a princess themed birthday party.”

 

“Duncan would probably hold his ground and insist that everyone dress up as astronauts. He is usually a very easygoing kid and has been very appreciative over everything but the boy likes what he likes.”

 

“I have noticed the last few weeks that he’s a lot more comfortable giving you two shit now.”

 

Drew laughs, “Yeah, but it makes me happy that he’s becoming more rambunctious. I think it means he’s more comfortable with us now and is really seeing us as his parents. He even started calling us Daddy and Pa on the 6th. We told him he could call us whatever he was comfortable with when the adoption went through and the fact he decided that he would call us that means something. It made Emmett cry, that’s for sure.”

 

“I bet you weren’t completely dry eyed either since you remember the date.”

 

“I’ll never tell.”

 

Brian passes the joint back to Drew and watches the smoke blow out from the man’s mouth.

 

“So how much have the topics of your marijuana-fueled conversations changed in the last twenty years?”

 

Brian laughs at that as he thinks about how they just rambled on about their kids and silently compares it to a conversation he had at nineteen when he admitted to Michael that he was conflicted about whether or not he was turned on by fisting. Michael, fucking baked as can be, hugged Brian and said it was okay as long as he and his partner were safe.

 

Huh. He had forgotten about that. He did eventually figure out that fisting a guy didn’t do that much for him and he would never agree to being on the receiving end because fuck that.

 

Drew may be reminiscing about a previous high conversation as well since he’s not saying anything. It’s nice to sit here quietly. With the high paced environment at work and a preschooler at home, it doesn’t happen that often.

 

“Hey, where are you gu- Are you kidding me? Drew! Are you smoking weed?” Emmett says disapprovingly as he side eyes Brian.

 

Drew sighs, “It’s been years. Brian mentioned his stash and the kids are practically asleep.”

 

“Don’t mind me. I suppose I’m jealous that you didn’t get high with me for your first time in what? 18 years? You could have invited Eric and me.”

 

“You were cooking,” Brian insists, “And we were getting baked. See? We all have purpose in life and we just fulfilled it.”

 

Drew and Brian try to hold back their laughter but don’t quite manage.

 

“Well, as one of the cooks, I announce that dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes. So put out your joint and come help.”

 

Brian and Drew get up and follow Emmett back into the main part of the house and into the kitchen. Brian sees Eric stirring a pot on the stove so he comes up behind him to put his arms around him. Eric reaches back to pat Brian’s cheek, turns to accept a kiss, then narrows his eyes.

 

“You were smoking without me? Fucker.”

 

“I have enough for tonight.”

 

“I only do it a once a week after Lily’s fast asleep. I already hit my max this week.”

 

“I don’t know why you insist that your week starts on Mondays. It’s Sunday so it’s close enough anyway. Indulge with me, Eric.”

 

Eric rolls his eyes, “Lily has been a handful. I might take you up on it tonight. We’ll see.”

 

“And then I’ll rim you and suck you and fuck you-”

 

“Brian, stop trying to turn me on while I make dinner. I’ll end up burning everything. Will you go check on the kids?”

 

Brian lets out a put upon sigh, “Fine. But you still owe me from earlier this afternoon.”

 

“Oh I’ll pay you back very graciously later, lover,” Eric sarcastically purrs.

 

“You do know we can hear everything you are saying, right?” Emmett butts in.

 

Eric laughs and Brian shrugs before going into the living room to see what the kids are up to.

 

Brian was right when he said they were tired. They’re sitting up but Lily has her head on Duncan’s shoulder and Duncan’s head is leaning on top of Lily’s hair and they're both fast asleep. He does end up taking a picture on his phone but only because he knows Eric will want it.

 

Brian leans down and wakes them both up then ends up carrying their lazy asses into the kitchen. They wake up more once they realize how hungry they are and the six of them sit around the dining room table, passing the bread and butter and indulging the kids by listening to their ridiculous stories. And Brian’s enjoying himself a lot. He even thinks the Brian of fifteen years ago would like this, even if he wouldn’t admit it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Emmett, Drew, and Duncan go home and Lily stops crying over Duncan not being able to sleep over, they read a couple of books with her and play Hungry Hungry Hippos because it's fast and mindless. Then he and Eric make good on their plans once she’s tucked in.

 

They suck and fuck and rim several times. In between fucks, Eric does end up taking a few hits from a joint. Eric doesn’t get high often. He’s more responsible than Brian’s ever been. But he loves Eric when he’s high. He’s so sweetly handsy and laughs at almost anything.Frankly, it's adorable. But he also gets sleepy a lot more quickly so he’s out before Brian is. And, although Brian knows that he needs to get some rest for a big day tomorrow, he can’t sleep. The highs of of the day are keeping him up and he wants to talk about them more. Brian Kinney wanting to talk. It’s unfathomable. But he’s proud of himself and he’s proud of his company. So be it.

 

And maybe it’s the excitement of telling Eric and a couple of his friends about the big news that makes him want to text Justin too. Justin had been there when he created Kinnetik. Hell, he named the place. So fuck it, they’re in a good place. He’ll send him a quick text now.

 

Hey, thought I’d tell you that
Kinnetik got Coca-Cola.

 

It’s not even thirty seconds later when Justin responds.

 

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
THAT’S GREAT!!!!!! I’m really happy
for you. How are you celebrating?

 

Drugging, Tricking. You know me

 

Haha, yeah right.

 

Brian smirks at Justin laughing off his last text. It really isn’t him anymore although he had fucked and smoked. But in comparison to ten years ago, it's definitely a change. He's glad Justin knows who he is now. He never even thought about doing more than asking Eric if he wanted to go out later in the week.

 

Emmett and Drew are came over
with Duncan. They stayed for dinner.
Kids drove us crazy.

 

Ah, so was a domestic couples’ night.

 

Fuck off. Lily has to play with someone.

 

Very true and she and Duncan are adorable together.
Hope you had fun! :)

 

He really doesn’t want to ask this certain question. It’ll bring the playful banner down but he knows it’s a possibility that Justin is having a stressful time right now and might feel like he can't talk about it.

 

How's your dad?

 

There's a no response for a few minutes and Brian's afraid he may have put Justin on the spot. But then he gets a response.

 

Not good. He isn't himself. I told him that
I wanted him to stay in the guest room until he
went home. He said he didn't want to get in the
way. But he ended up having a minor panic attack
while we were out. I'm not sure what triggered that
one. You couldn't really tell unless you were looking
for it. But I was looking for the signs so I took a cab
and had him check out of his hotel early. He went to
bed at like 8. I walked past his door around 9 and I
could hear him crying. I don't know over what. Today
went pretty well. I showed him the gallery and
introduced him to my friend, Liam and his girlfriend.
I should have went in to comfort him or at least check
on him but I didn't know how to handle it. I feel awful.

 

It probably would have upset him more if you caught
him like that. He probably needed to decompress on
his own and that's why he went to bed so early. Don't
beat yourself up over it.

 

I just don't understand what's happening to him.
Like, okay. I get that he feels guilt over everything
that went down with us and he wants to get to know
me again. That's fine. But there's something wrong.
I don't understand.

 

It sounds like he let everything build up to the point
where he can't handle it anymore. He probably obsessed
over it and eventually spiraled and now he can't function
like he once did. Maybe it's some specific mental illness
that's hereditary and it was bound to happen sooner or later.
Let Tessler diagnose him and go from there.

 

I can't just forget about him and leave him in
Pittsburgh. I can't.

 

I know you can't. I know you well enough to
realize that you've already decided to give him a
chance. Just be there for him. Show concern.
Let him know that he can talk to you and hash
out the bad blood once he’s more stable.

 

Yeah, the last time I said anything was
when I met him for brunch. I can’t put
him through too much stress when he’s
like this. I can figure it out once he’s
recovered more. It’s just hard to see him
like this.

 

:/

 

...

 

What?

 

Did Brian Kinney just send me an emoticon?

 

I’m allowed to send emoticons to display my
conflicted feelings on your father’s
predicament.

 

Lol, i just remember u getting pissed whn i
used 2 send u quick emails looking like this

 

Internet language still pisses me off. Looking
at that text is is painful so never write like that to
me again. Emoticons just give me a quick out
when it comes to expressing myself.

 

:)

 

Smartass.

 

:D

 

>:(

 

:P

 

Shit, I have to get to bed soon.
Busy day tomorrow.

 

Yeah, my dad asked about a few museums.
So I’m taking him to a few low key ones.
Then I’m going to be working non-stop to
catch up.

 

Hmm. You think you’ll be in Manhattan anytime
this week?

 

I’ll actually be at David Zwirner Gallery around
10 am on Thursday to talk about an upcoming show.

 

That’s not that far from my office. You free
for lunch?

 

He doesn’t know what made him ask that. Fuck, why is he suffering from foot in the mouth syndrome via text? He has been itching to just hang with someone and he’s not close with that many people here. The reason why his relationship with Eric worked so well is because they both firmly believed that it was important to have lives outside of each other. The two of them hung out with Emmett and Drew (and occasionally Justin and Nathan) but they always had the kids. He went to a club with Emmett just one time. He and Drew are getting to the point where he could consider calling him up and asking if he wants to get a beer but they aren’t quite there yet.

 

But it probably would be more understandable than meeting with Justin. Justin, who hasn’t texted him back yet.

 

Shit.

 

He’s about to text back a, “Nevermind, it wasn’t right of me to ask” when his phone vibrated in his hand.

 

Okay. I can meet you at Kinnetik a little before noon and we can decide from there. That okay?

 

Brian hesitates over the previous message he was typing. Then he takes a breath, erases it, and sends back his answer.

 

That’s fine. See you Thursday.

 

Alright. Night, Brian.

 

Goodnight, Justin

 

Well, that wasn’t a phone call.

 

But fuck, he just planned lunch with his ex-boyfriend.

 

Eric said that he liked Justin though. He said that he didn’t mind if they became friends with him and Nathan. If he works up the nerve, he’ll even be upfront with Eric. He’ll tell him that Justin is going to be by Kinnetik on Thursday and they were going to meet for lunch.

 

It’ll be fine.

Brian was impressed with the progress they had made on the Coca-Cola campaign. Two late nights on Monday and Tuesday equaled out to being ahead of schedule and that was always a good thing in his book. Ted and Cynthia had arrived days earlier than he expected and had gotten in first thing Monday morning. They worked from early in the morning to late in the evening planning the budget. Ted made the charts to show how much they could spend on everything. Cynthia made calls to start inquiring about filming permits in various locations. Brian spent hours in the art department, assigning his visions to his best people, and overseeing the storyboards soon after those visions were clear. He contacted different directors, photographers, and cinematographers to figure out scheduling and availability. He threw different big names around with Cynthia and Ted and planned on talking to Kent about them to see what he thought about those faces endorsing the popular soda.

 

However, he felt guilty about the lack of time he had spent with his daughter the last two days. Their nanny, Jess, had been working more the past couple of days due to Eric working extra hours in Bensonhurst and Brian had been even worse than him. At least Eric had been there to take her to preschool and got home by 8 o’clock at the latest. Brian hadn’t seen his daughter awake since Sunday. He would always get in past her 8:30 bedtime and leave before she woke up. He would go in to kiss her goodnight even though she slept through that. She had called him yesterday afternoon to talk to him and he stayed on the phone with her for a little bit. She missed him and talked and talked like Lily does and it had brightened his day. He was worried about her today though. Eric had called to tell him Lily was sick this morning and stayed home from preschool. Jess had been nice enough to come in at 8 and, even though he knew Eric wanted to stay with Lily when she was feeling bad, he had a few meetings today of his own and had to oversee the construction of the synagogue for a while. Eric assured him it was just a stomach bug and that she had put on a brave face and insisted that she was going to be fine. Lily’s well-being was lurking in his mind though, even with everything that was going on at Kinnetik.

 

It was a good thing that his main job today was to oversee his employees’ progress and consult different departments on the various projects Kinnetik had taken on. He didn’t have anything to present nor did he need to kiss ass today. But Kinnetik had several big projects lined up and it was hard for him to pull away. But when his cell rang and he saw Jess’s number, he picked up in a heartbeat. He knew it was probably nothing but Lily being sick always made him nervous.

 

“Brian? It’s Jess. Sorry to be calling you but Lily was very insistent on talking to her daddy.”

 

“That’s fine, Jess. You know I’ll talk to her any time.”

 

“Lily? You still want to talk to your dad?”

 

He could hear Lily’s voice in the background confirming Jess’s assumption and soon he heard his daughter on the line.

 

“Hi, Daddy.”

 

“Hi, baby. How are you feeling?”

 

“I don’t feel good. My tummy hurts.”

 

“I heard. I’m sorry you are feeling sick. Have you been able to do anything today?”

 

“Jess and I made some pictures. I made one just for you. I almost threw up on it but Jess got a trashcan.”

 

Brian winces at his daughter’s bluntness, “I can’t wait to see it. Are you feeling any better than you did before Papa left?”

 

“Not really. It really hurts. Daddy, I miss you,” Lily starts to whine.

 

Brian lets out a sigh, “I miss you too. I’m sorry that we haven’t seen much of each other the last couple of days.”

 

“We haven’t seen any of each other at all,” Lily points out.

 

Fuck. His kid knew how to guilt him.

 

“Daddy, I want you to come home. I miss you. I want you at home with me,” Lily whimpered.

 

“Honey, I want to be there but I’m busy with work.”

 

“Maybe you could work here. I will be good, I promise. I won’t be loud.”

 

Brian doesn’t know what to say to make her accept that he needs to stay in the office. All he can come up with is, “I’ll be home before you go to bed. I’ll read you a couple of bedtime stories and tuck you in.”

 

Lily doesn’t say anything and Brian’s guilt goes up a notch.

 

“You mad at me?

 

Lily makes a sound that tells him she’s trying not to make a big deal out of it.

 

“So what else did you-”

 

But Lily interrupts him by retching. He hears Jess’s soothing words and eventually Jess grabs the phone.

 

“Brian? Sorry, Lily’s throwing up again. She made it to the wastebasket though. I’m going to give her more Kaopectate and hopefully that will make it so she’ll feel better.”

 

Brian puts a hand over his forehead, “Alright. Try to get her to drink some water so that she doesn’t get dehydrated. Call me if she is still feeling bad in a couple of hours. Keep Eric updated too.”

 

“I will. Eric called about half an hour ago to tell me he’d be home around 4:30 since he decided to have Lewis oversee the construction today. It’s only 6 hours away but you know kids. She wants her parents here.”

 

Brian scoffs a little, “Now the nanny is guilting me too.”

 

“I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that she loves her parents.”

 

“Okay. Just keep me posted. I’ll try to leave a little early too.”

 

“I will. I’m going to get off the phone so I can try to get Lily’s stomach to settle.”

 

Jess hangs up and Brian tries to get his mind off of his sick child at home wanting him to be there with her so that she could be comforted by her daddy.

 

He lasts for half an hour before he puts his coat on.

 

He might have lasted longer if it weren't for Cynthia urging him to go be with their baby before informing him that she would come over this evening to spend some time with her. She and Ted assured him that they would keep everyone working and everything ahead of schedule.

 

So, with their blessing, he leaves the office at 11 and gets on the train. He gets off at his stop around 11:25 and quietly lets himself into his home to be with his daughter.

 

"Brian! I didn't expect you back this soon," Jess says as she comes down the stairs.

 

"Things were under control at work and I wanted to come back to spend time with Lily. Where is she?"

 

Jess nods over to the direction of the living room, "Over on the couch. She's dozing on and off but never stays asleep for more than ten or fifteen minutes."

 

"What are her symptoms?"

 

Jess sighs and counts them off, "Fever of 100.8, nausea, vomiting. She had a brief bout of diarrhea just about half an hour ago so I'm worried that will kick into full force as well."

 

Brian nods, "Thanks for doing so much extra work, Jess. I will pay you for the full day but go ahead and head home. I don't want you getting sick and taking it back to your husband and daughter. If you do, well...sorry."

 

Jess smirks, "She isn't the first child I have nannied, Brian. My immune system is pretty strong but if it does happen it wouldn't be the first time. Although Ruby doesn’t need it with her cello recital coming up. She’s a teenager though so she tries to avoid me anyway. Are you sure you don't need an extra hand around here? The stomach virus can get messy."

 

"I should be alright. I feel bad for not being here yesterday or the day before. This can be a bonding experience. I'll wait on her hand and foot while she whines and throws up."

 

"It sounds like a great time. I wouldn't worry too much about the whining. She's been a trooper, all things considered. You being here will lift her spirits. Call if you need anything."

 

"I will. Have a good day, Jess."

 

Jess gets her things and kisses a sleeping Lily's forehead before she heads out the door. Brian walks over to Lily and sits on the other end of the couch to get a good look at her. Poor baby. She was clammy, pale, and had dark circles under her eyes. Her curls looked wild and were tied up in a ponytail. If she wasn't feeling better by tomorrow he was taking her to the doctor, his workaholic schedule be damned.

 

Lily stirs and crosses her arms over her stomach. Brian gets up and reaches down to put his hand over her forehead. Lily looks up and smiles at him through her pain.

 

“Daddy? You came home?”

 

Brian nods and sits back down on the couch, “I guess I couldn’t say no to your charm.”

 

Lily sits up, crawls over, and curls into his lap. Brian lets his head rest on her hair and rubs her back as she sits there.

 

“You feel sick?” he inquires, looking down.

 

Lily nods, “Uh huh. Daddy, I feel really bad.”

 

“I know. You need anything?”

 

“I need to go to the bathroom. My tummy hurts really bad!” Lily tells him, starting to get frantic.

 

Shit.

 

Brian tries not to jostle Lily too much as he gets up and carries her to the toilet. His heart goes out to her, it really does. Especially when it is coming out from both ends and he has to put the waste basket in front of her. It definitely took becoming a full time dad in order to not get grossed out by this.

 

“Daddy, I don’t like feeling like this!” Lily moans to him.

 

“I know, baby. I know,” He says as he makes sure all her hair is away from her face.

 

“It hurts!”

 

Brian sighs and continues to comfort his daughter. When she is finally done with the toilet and the wastebasket, he cleans her up, scrubs out the wastebasket, then takes her downstairs to the kitchen and gets her a ginger ale and some saltines to settle her stomach. She resists and cries at first, saying it will make her feel sick but she finally believes him when he tells her it will hurt more if she has nothing in her stomach at all.

 

“Sip on it,” he reminds her gently as she drinks some ginger ale.

 

Lily nods and does what she’s told, “Can I have water too?”

 

“Of course. But sip on that too.”

 

Brian goes over to get her a cup of water and puts it in front of her.

 

“I hate being sick,” Lily pouts after she rehydrates herself.

 

“I hate when you’re sick too.”

 

“How come? You aren’t sick. I’m sick.”

 

“It hurts to see your kids not feeling well. It makes you wish that you could trade places and be sick instead just so they can feel better.”

 

It’s an honest statement, one that Brian didn’t expect to make. As soon as it comes out of his mouth, he knows it’s corny. Lily doesn’t make a big deal out of it though. In fact she does the opposite.

 

“You’re crazy then.”

 

Brian smirks at her, “I’m crazy? You’re crazy.”

 

Lily shakes her head so enthusiastically that it moves her body from left to right in her seat, “Nuh uh! I’m not crazy. You’re crazy!”

 

“You’re crazy if you think I’m crazy. I’m perfectly normal. You’re a nut.”

 

Lily giggles, “No, you’re a nut!”

 

Brian lets out a dramatic sigh, “I suppose you had to inherit your insanity from somewhere. Let me fill up a couple of sippy cups for your water and ginger ale so that we can go be nuts in the living room. You can pick out a movie we can watch.”

 

Lily shakes her head, “I don’t want a sippy cup. I’m not a baby.”

 

“You’re sick and it’s in the living room. Your strength and coordination isn’t up to par right now and I don’t want you spilling drinks all over the couch. You’re the princess for the day but you are using the sippy cups.”

 

“But I don’t want to,” Lily pouts.

 

Brian gives her a look and Lily stays defiant. He would be annoyed but he’s hoping this means she is feeling a little better. But he knows better from his own experience with this kind of virus. You feel better for maybe an hour after throwing up before getting nauseated all over again.

 

“Lily, no one is here to watch you drink from a sippy cup. It’s fine. You can pick any movie you want to watch. Even Frozen.”

 

“I’m sick of Frozen.”

 

At those words, Brian feels like he’s in Heaven.

 

“Can you say that again? Slowly and clearly.”

 

“I’m. Sick. Of. Frozen,” Lily enunciates.

 

“Honey, if you weren’t suffering from projectile vomiting I would throw you up in the air right now and take you out for spaghetti and ice cream.”

 

Lily holds her stomach and whimpers, “I never want food. Ever again.”

 

“I know. Now come on. Go get on the couch.”

 

Brian turns on the television and goes to Netflix so that Lily can pick something out. She ends up choosing Mr. Peabody and Sherman. Brian changes into some sweats and a T-shirt then sits down next to her. She’s watching the movie intently, wrapped up in a huge, warm, soft blanket with a trashcan in front of her and her sippy cups and crackers on the coffee table. Within 20 minutes he’s rushing her to the bathroom to throw up. Fifteen minutes after that, he’s rushing her back for the other reason as to why she’s so sick. He starts getting worried and gives her pedialyte and more medicine to keep her hydrated. She ends up curling up in his lap again. Working so much these past couple of days has caught up with him so he lies down and lets her fall asleep on his chest as the movie plays. After it’s over, he carries Lily and the wastebasket upstairs and takes her to his and Eric’s bedroom. He lies down next to her and they both fall asleep. She doesn’t wake up once.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian feels a kiss on his forehead before he opens his eyes to see who the perpetrator is.

 

He looks up at Eric before he stretches and yawns.

 

“How’s she feeling?” Eric asks him, worried.

 

Brian looks over at Lily, “She’s been better. She’s been asleep for a while though. What time is it?”

 

“About 4:15. When was the last time she threw up?”

 

“She threw up a little less than three hours ago and had diarrhea about 15 or 20 minutes after that. I think she’s feeling a little better but I wouldn’t be surprised if she woke up feeling sick again either.”

 

“My poor baby,” Eric frets as he strokes her hair, “Thank you for coming back, Brian. I know how busy you’ve been.”

 

“Out of the two of us, you were the one with the busiest day today.”

 

“Yeah, but you have all these new accounts-”

 

“Eric. She’s my kid too. Of course I’m going to come back when she calls and asks for me to come home.”

 

Eric nods then takes Brian’s face in his hands and kisses him.

 

“Still. Thank you.”

 

Brian smiles then looks at Lily again.

 

"You think we should keep letting her sleep? She might not sleep well tonight."

 

"Let's wake her up around 5. If she goes to bed a bit later then so be it. She probably won't be up for school tomorrow since her symptoms just started this morning so she can sleep in and I will stay home with her."

 

"You sure? You're pretty busy too, especially since you got your office set up."

 

Eric shrugs, “Lewis is capable of overseeing construction for one more day and the construction workers are a good team. The meetings I had today went well so I will be designing when I’m not taking care of her. I have Roger, Lucy, Tom, and Veronica in the office so they can cover anything that comes up. If there’s an emergency, it’s not that far to Red Hook. The only reason I may need you or Jess would be if something would happen in Bensonhurst.”

 

“Alright. If you think you can handle it, then by all means. I’m just worried that both of us might get sick.”

 

“I’ll hold your hair back if you hold mine.”

 

“You’re fucking weird,” Brian mutters as he gets up and walks past his fiance.

 

Brian walks downstairs and Eric follows. Brian sits down in the barcelona chair and grabs an unsuspecting Eric then pulls him into his lap.

 

“Mph, Brian-” Eric says before he’s interrupted by Brian’s kiss.

 

“Lily will be asleep for a while longer and she’s taking up our bed. It’s too early to start making dinner. We should fuck to help the time go by more quickly.”

 

Eric laughs, “Oh, we should? And if Lily walks down?”

 

“Then we’ll say we were exercising, I’ve told you this. Come on. We haven’t had sex for-”

 

“17 hours?” Eric mocks.

 

“Oh, you’ve kept count too.”

 

Eric shakes his head in amusement but catches Brian off-guard by quickly turning around and straddling Brian.

 

“You want to see me fuck myself on your cock?” Eric whispers into his ear, grinding his ass into Brian’s hard-on.

 

“Ugh, fuck yes. Do it.”

 

Eric doesn’t keep him waiting. He quickly gets up and yanks Brian’s pants and boxer briefs down in one go.

 

“Stay here.”

 

“Eric, do not fucking leave me like this.”

 

“I have to get the lube. We don’t keep any down here.”

 

“How idiotic of us,” Brian replies as he watches his partner run up the stairs.

 

Luckily Eric is quick and comes back down in good time. he holds his ass above Brian’s lap and lets him stretch him just enough to make sure the intrusion is somewhat comfortable. As soon as Eric says, “I’m good, I’m good. I just want your cock in me” Brian pulls his fingers out and watches Eric sink down on his cock.

 

Eric’s the one that decides on the speed and Brian’s just along for the ride. He starts out slow and sensual, pressing kisses down his face and neck as he slowly lifts himself up and sinks down again. Brian tries to muffle his groans as he quietly begs Eric to go faster. Around the 10 minute mark, Eric gives in and is bouncing on Brian’s lap at just the right speed. He tries to hold on for longer but soon enough Brian is coming in Eric’s tight hole and Eric follows soon after. Eric collapses onto his chest and breathes into the crook of his neck. Brian puts his arms around his back and they sit there for a minute before moving and getting dressed again.

 

Eric starts making homemade chicken noodle soup so that Lily might be able to keep it down and won’t be bothered by any aromas of other foods she would usually eat. Brian goes ahead and wakes her up then carries her downstairs to the couch. She seems to be doing a little better but she still feels warm.

 

“You feeling any better since your nap?”

 

Lily shrugs, “My tummy still hurts some.”

 

Brian sighs, “I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, Papa’s in the kitchen making us all some soup.”

 

Lily gasps, “Papa’s home?!”

 

Lily jumps up and Brian reminds her not to run as he walks her towards the kitchen so that she can greet her father.

 

“Look who’s up,” Brian says to Eric, who has his back to them.

 

Eric turns around and immediately comes over and crouches down on Lily’s level, “Hey, baby! You feeling any better?”

 

“A little bit. My tummy is feeling funny,” Lily informs him, “I missed you lots and I wanted you here with me.”

 

“I missed you too,” Eric tells her sincerely as her picks her up for a hug, “You were on my mind all day.”

 

“I called Daddy since he hasn’t been home in days and he came home to take care of me.”

 

Brian frowns and Eric tells her, “He’s been home, honey. He has been working really hard and just stayed at the office late. He would go and kiss you goodnight when he got back even though you were already asleep.”

 

“My daddy loves me,” Lily beams.

 

“You bet he does. Your papa loves you too. You are a very lucky girl to have such doting parents.”

 

“Uh huh! What kind of soup are you making?”

 

“Chicken noodle soup. That okay with you?”

 

“I don’t know. I’ll try to eat it.”

 

“As long as you try. We can’t have your stomach being empty or you’ll just feel worse.”

 

“That’s what Daddy and Jess said.”

 

“Then you know it has to be true.”

 

Eric sets Lily down on a bar stool and let’s her watch while he cooks their meal. Brian stays close by to keep an eye on her and makes sure she sips on her ginger ale. She does end up feeling sick again and Brian takes her to the bathroom but Lily claims that it’s a false alarm and she feels better.

 

And she does seem to be feeling better. She does have some bathroom issues after dinner and throws up once more but by 8 she seems like she’s done for the day. She’s very happy when Cynthia stops by for about an hour before heading back to her hotel. They let her stay up later than they usually would on a school night only because Eric is staying home with her tomorrow. When they do put her to bed, Brian stays true to his word and reads her a few bedtime stories until she falls asleep.

 

Brian and Eric end up hanging out downstairs for a while. They fuck two more times before going up to bed and fucking once more. After they are spent and Brian is lying in Eric’s arms, they talk about their days and meetings planned for the next week.

 

“You’re sure you have time to stay home with Lily tomorrow?” Brian asks.

 

“Yeah, it’s fine. My schedule wasn’t that heavy anyway. She’ll probably be okay but I don’t want to risk sending her to school sick or her passing it along to another child. If she’s feeling better, I’ll just work with her here.”

 

“I’ll try to come back earlier than I have been. She’s been upset that I haven’t been around the last couple of days and I know that now. Damn, she had to wonder why I wasn’t at the house since I wasn’t out of town on business or anything.”

 

“Brian, I explained things the best I could. I think she logically understood that you were really busy at work but missed you immensely regardless.”

 

“I missed her too. And you. I guess.”

 

"Be still my beating heart!" Eric proclaims before he smiles and kisses him. Then he sobers up.

 

“Take whatever time you need tomorrow but try not to work yourself to the ground. And try to be back before Lily goes to bed. She feels better about her day when she sees you.”

 

“Alright.”

 

There’s a silence for a minute before Eric breaks it, “Shit, at the rate we’re going it will be impossible to have time to plan the wedding.”

 

Brian rolls his eyes, “I still don’t see why we can’t do something small and do it sooner.”

 

Eric glares, “I plan on only getting married once, Brian. Let’s make it count.”

 

Brian smiles, “Hamptons it is then.”

 

“You better be saying that since you are the one who put down the deposit at Solé East without asking if I wanted to chip in on that.”

 

Brian shrugs, “You can pay for the Honeymoon.”

 

Eric laughs, “Okay, deal. Will we even have time for that?”

 

“We’ll make time.”

 

“Where will Lily stay? She could stay at Lindsay and Melanie’s but it’s sort of a hassle to send her up to Toronto and get her from up there."

 

“Emmett and Drew are willing to take her for a week or so. Maybe that way she’ll get sick of Duncan.”

 

“Wait, when was this even brought up?”

 

Brian looks at him then looks away.

 

“Brian...have you been planning our wedding without me?”

 

Brian chooses his words carefully, “I’ve been seeing a lot of Emmett and we did hire him to plan it. I wanted to surprise you with something beautiful.”

 

Eric stares at him with a twinkle in his eye and flips Brian on his back to press kisses all over his face, “You romantic, controlling, sneaky, loving man. I love you, Brian.”

 

Eric kisses him a few more times and Brian holds back laughs at the silliness of the situation before Eric stops, “But I’m picking the menu and the music.”

 

“Oh? And what will they be?”

 

Eric thinks, “Hmmm. For the menu, there will be a choice between Steak, Chicken, Salmon, or vegetarian whatever-the-fuck they eat with sides of sautéed vegetables, red skin mashed potatoes, and a salad. I also want those cream cheese pastries that Emmett makes. And cake.

 

“Whatever you want.”

 

“I want all of them. Maybe I should design the menu when I’m not hungry. That soup didn’t fill me up at all.”

 

Brian snorts, “Want me to go down and make you something?”

 

Eric thinks about it and shakes his head, “No. I need to fit into my tux for the big day. No carbs after 7.”

 

“You have never went by that rule. Ever.”

 

“It’s never too late to start.”

 

“Whatever, princess. Who will be doing the music?”

 

“Well, I’m not taking Lily’s suggestion by hiring Taylor Swift. She'll be disappointed but so be it."

 

"Can you imagine Michael's face though? He'll think we went nuts," Brian laughs.

 

Eric puts on his best Michael impression and says, "Brian, are you sure you are feeling alright? Do you even want this? Brian!"

 

"You'll always be young and beautiful but that doesn't mean she has to be here!"

 

They both laugh and settle down so that Eric can tell Brian his idea of musical entertainment.

 

"I was actually thinking of hiring Nathan's band to play."

 

Brian doesn't have anything to say about that.

 

"So? What do you think about that? You think they are really good too."

 

"Yeah, but they're busy-"

 

"Previews don't start until May. The wedding is on April 18th. They'll have time to plan what they are going to play and it won't interfere with the show."

 

"You have this all planned out, don't you?"

 

"No. If you have a problem with it we don't have to hire them. I just figured that since we've been hanging out with Justin and Nathan it would be something nice to do."

 

"Don't you mean it would be weird to do? You really want my ex's boyfriend performing at our wedding?"

 

Eric shrugs, "I didn't think of it like that. I just thought it would be courteous to do for a friend.”

 

“Oh, I forgot that you and Nathan are all buddy buddy now.”

 

“I wouldn’t go that far but I do think he’s a good kid and we’ve had some good conversations. Same goes with Justin. Maybe you can ask Justin how he feels about it tomorrow when you go have lunch with him.”

 

“Yeah, about that…are you okay with that? I only offered because he needs someone to talk to about his dad.”

 

Eric lets out a sigh, “Brian, you know I don’t have a problem with us hanging out with him or with Nathan. I’ll admit that when you told me you were meeting him for lunch alone, I wasn’t thrilled and I may have been secretly pissy over it. But I did see him when he came over here. He was distraught and he needs a friend close by who really knows the situation. And the fact you told me straight out that you asked him to meet for lunch means something. You didn’t try to hide it or put a spin on it.”

 

“I wouldn’t do that,” Brian mutters.

 

“I know that. You are honest and I appreciate that. Most of the time. The fact that you are so honest makes me a little more comfortable with you meeting up with him. You were comfortable with telling me so that tells me you are comfortable enough not to...you know.”

 

Brian glares, “No. I don’t know. What do you think I am going to do with him?”

 

“Are you even listening? I said that I don’t think you are going to do anything and I trust you. Jesus, Brian.”

 

Brian knows he’s being unfair and he needs to stop being a dick but sometimes the mention of Justin makes him get so fucking defensive.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“But just so you know...I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t do anything with him. I wouldn’t do that to you. I never want to lose you."

 

Eric isn't saying anything. Brian is afraid to look at him but the curiosity gets the best of him and he glances over to his partner. And there Eric is, looking back at him. Brian leans his head forward lets his lips connect with Eric's. After the soft kiss ends, Brian lets Eric lay his head on his chest and they fall asleep like that. He feels content having Eric in his arms, just like he always does. The last waking thoughts he has are that he was telling the truth. He never wants to lose this. He also really hopes that he was telling the truth when it came to the other part of his promise as well.

Justin steps outside on the busy Manhattan sidewalk. Although he has been what one could call truly successful for the last three and a half years, he still feels a flutter of excitement and happiness when he gets a show at a prestigious and respected gallery. He has his own gallery he can show his work at. Once in a while he will. However, he built that for unrecognized artists. Justin had the money so he had thought, “Why not?” Running it had become almost as much of a passion as painting itself. Almost. Painting got him through a lot of shit on an emotional level. It got him through the bomb. It got him through his breakup with Brian. It got him through his abrupt breakup with Dean, who he had been the first man he had actually fallen more than just a little for post-Brian. Diving into his art got him through in a way only Brian had been able to. It even got him through his worries the day he took his dad to the airport.

 

God, that had been more emotional than he had been expecting.

 

Nathan had been so wonderful and supportive throughout all the stuff that had happened with his father. He had been surprised about that. Ever since Nathan’s mother died, he hadn’t had a parental figure since. Justin refused to acknowledge Nathan’s demon of a sperm donor as a father. Justin never met him but he was glad the man was dead. Despite the fact that the circumstances of Victor Hall’s death had been less than ideal and had affected Nathan’s psyche immensely, he couldn’t help but think that the monster deserved much worse.

 

So it had been surprising when Nathan had actually taken a liking to Craig. It was more surprising that Craig had really liked and approved of Nathan as well. They had exchanged phone numbers. Fucking phone numbers. He knows his father felt a small connection with Nathan when it was revealed they both had panic attacks, something that had been new and confusing for his dad but come on. Nathan knew the shit Craig had done in the past. When Justin brought it up after his dad was on the plane, Nathan shrugged and said, “I didn’t know him before but he seems like he really loves you and wants to know you again. People do change.”

 

And while he appreciated Nathan’s optimism and knew deep down his boyfriend was probably right, it would be nice to talk to someone who knew how his father was before.

 

So, since the meeting ended earlier than he was expecting, Justin takes an eastbound train then walks to Kinnetik to meet Brian instead of at the restaurant.

 

He knows he should just find something to do to pass the time but he is curious about how the new office looks. He had been there for Kinnetik’s conception and the fact that it has grown this much really astounds him. Actually, no it doesn’t. If anyone could pull off major success, it was Brian Kinney.

 

He walks through the office doors and heads to the front desk to be called up to the correct floor. Security is tighter here than he remembers the office being in Pittsburgh but that’s to be expected, especially with other companies in the building. He gets into the elevator, heads to the 20th floor, and steps off at the executive floor of Kinnetik.

 

He walks past suited men and well-dressed women and walks through the arch carved into the glass panels.

 

“Hello,” Justin greets the woman at the desk, “I’m here to meet Brian?”

 

“Brian? Well, aren’t you on familiar terms.”

 

“You could say that,” Justin smirks.

 

“You have an appointment?”

 

“No, I’m supposed to meet him for lunch but got here a little early. If he’s busy, I can wait.”

 

The woman laughs, “I’m just messing with you. Justin, right? I’m Malia, Brian’s assistant. It’s nice to meet you. Brian should be out in a couple of minutes. You can sit, if you want.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Want anything to drink?”

 

“No, thanks. How long have you been working for Brian?”

 

Malia thinks on it then replies, “A little over two years. I started with him in Chicago, my hometown. It was hard to live up to Cynthia, but I managed.”

 

Justin nods, “Brian has always loved Cynthia.”

 

“She does know how to put up with his bullshit. But luckily I catch onto things quickly.”

 

“What do you catch onto quickly, Henderson?”

 

Brian steps out of his office with a raised brow. Justin can already tell he likes Malia when she just raises an eyebrow back.

 

“Your bullshit.”

 

Brian shrugs, turns his head to look at Justin and say, “It’s true,” then turns back to Malia.

 

“How did those interviews go today?”

 

Malia shakes her head, “One girl was a nervous wreck, another was so chipper that you’d kill her before her first day was done, and the last one spoke too softly.”

 

Brian nods gravely, “Well, we can’t have that. I need another tough as nails assistant.”

 

“We can always go to the Bronx in the middle of the night to look.”

 

Brian actually thinks on it, “How about we save that as a last resort? I should be back by 1:30 to prepare for the meeting at 3. Call me if the building burns down.”

 

“Will do.”

 

Brian turns back to look at him and it’s the first time that Justin feels truly nervous by this meeting. Should he be doing this? Meeting with his practically married ex-fiancé/first love/the man who was his everything for a decent chunk of his life without the presence of either of their current significant others? He didn’t even tell Nathan. His boyfriend had been a little distant with him. Justin was pretty sure Nathan was onto him when it came to his conversations with Brian. He hadn’t been that subtle about it. Meeting Brian without him knowing was only sending a surge of guilt through him now. He needed to stop being a such a shit.

 

“You coming?”

 

He’d stop after he had lunch with Brian.

 

Justin gets up and Brian leads the way, popping his head into a few offices to request a few things before pressing the button for the elevator. As soon as they’re in, it’s hard to think of what to say.

 

“So where-”

 

“How’s-”

 

They cut each other off and Brian lets out a chuckle then says, “Since you’re here, we can go somewhere closer to here, if you don’t mind. There’s a good Turkish restaurant a couple blocks away we can go to. Malia brought some back for both of us a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been craving it.”

 

“That’s fine. I can eat whatever.”

 

Brian smirks and mutters, “Don’t I remember?”

 

The elevator pings and a couple of business men join them in the elevator. By the time the elevator is on the ground floor, they’re packed in like sardines and he has to remember that he shouldn’t feel a thrill due to being flush against Brian.

 

“How did your meeting go?” Brian asks him after they go out the revolving doors.

 

“It was a done deal, but they ended up wanting more paintings than I expected. That’s a good thing but it means I’ll need to be getting to work.”

 

“It’ll pay off. What date’s the show?”

 

“June 21. You are more than welcome to come, of course. Eric too. I think I may be able to swing it so Emmett can be the one to arrange and cater it, since I’m the primary artist being featured.”

 

Brian snorts, “You can barely get Emmett to settle down when he’s working. He’s moving non-stop. I doubt we’ll be able to talk to him much. But I’ll let Eric know and we’ll try to come out for it.”

 

Justin nods, smiling, “It’ll be great if you can.”

 

“Here’s the place,” Brian tells him, changing the subject as he gently takes Justin by the elbow to lead him into the restaurant.

 

The place looks pretty nice but it isn’t crowded at all. They’re promptly led by an older man to a table and they sit down across from each other to look at their menus. For the first few minutes, the only speech that is exchanged regards to what they are thinking about ordering. It’s a few minutes in when Brian asks, “So how are you really doing?”

 

Justin looks away and answers, “I’ve been okay. And how have-”

 

“Don’t bullshit me.”

 

Before Justin can answer, they’re interrupted.

 

“Hello! I’m Ahmet. Would you gentlemen like something to drink or an appetizer?”

 

Brian clears his throat, “You want an appetizer? My treat.”

 

“If you are wanting to get one, I’ll have some of it.”

 

“We’ll get the Mucver as an appetizer and I’ll have an unsweetened iced tea to drink,” Brian tells the waiter.

 

“I’ll have a coke,” Justin supplies when the man turns to him.

 

“I’ll be back with your drinks and to take your orders.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Brian turned back to him and silently waited for an answer.

 

“I’m...doing better. I guess.”

 

“You guess,” Brian echos, his voice and expression giving away nothing.

 

“Yeah, Brian. ‘I guess.’ Nothing has really changed from what I told you before.”

 

Brian sits back in his chair and looks at him with expectant eyes, “Then why don’t you share with the class how the rest of Craig’s visit went?”

 

Justin lets out a sigh, “He went to bed and cried himself to sleep Sunday night, like I told you. Nathan ended up peeking in to see if he was alright but Dad was already asleep or pretending to be. I planned on pretending that I hadn’t heard him but, since he went to bed so early, he woke up at like 4 am. I was having trouble sleeping and I heard him walk into the living room. I decided suck it up and go sit out there with him. I didn’t really want to but I was worried. He was-

 

“An unsweet tea for you and a coke for you,” the waiter interrupts as he puts their drinks down on the table, “Have you both decided what you are having for your entreès?”

 

Justin clears his throat and answers, “I’ll have the Kuzu Shish.”

 

Brian doesn’t take his eyes off him as he gives his order, “I’ll have the Adana Kebab.”

 

“I’ll run that back to our chef and your appetizer should be out shortly,” the waiter assures them as he departs.

 

“He was?” Brian prompts.

 

“Huh?” Justin replies dimly.

 

“You stopped at ‘he was.’ What was your dear ole’ dad doing?”

 

Justin glares at the sarcasm, “Listen, I understand if you don’t want to hear about this. It’s fine.”

 

“I asked, didn’t I? That should tell you I want to know what’s going on.”

 

“Why? Why do you want to know?”

 

Brian sits there, being fucking stubborn and not answering his fucking question. Why should he tell him all this if-

 

“Because I care,” Brian admits, “I know this is fucking you up and you don’t feel like you can talk to people about it. I remember how he acted back then and I was a big part of why he ditched you. So if you are needing to unload on someone, then it should be me.”

 

Justin feels his eyes soften at Brian’s gruff concern and you know what? It must get him comfortable enough to start talking with him.

 

“He was sitting there in the dark. Just sitting there on the couch, staring off into space. I sat down in a chair and just waited for him to say something but he didn’t. So finally I just said, “How worried do I need to be about you going back to Pittsburgh by yourself?” And he just said he didn’t know.And then I asked him something else. I don’t know how I worked up the nerve to ask but it was dark. I couldn’t really see his face. I think that made it easier and I had to know and if it turned out to be the case he needed someone knowing about it.

 

Justin takes a hitched breath, “I asked him if he was suicidal. If he was at risk of trying to kill himself. He didn’t answer. It was pretty evident that he was. So I asked him if he had attempted to do that to himself yet. I had to ask him a few times and only when he realized that I wasn’t going to let it go he told me he had tried a few months ago. That had...That had been hard to hear. I told him to tell me everything that happened. At first he was getting all nervous and upset but I told him that he needed to tell someone. I think I needed to know. I had all these images in my head. He said that he had broken his arm in a few places last spring. He fell off a ladder while he was trying to fix the rain gutter on his house. It had been pretty bad so he ended up driving himself to the hospital with one hand. They put his arm in a cast, prescribed him pain pills, the works. I guess he only took the pills when he absolutely needed them so there had been a fair amount left over. They sat in his medicine cabinet for months. I guess he had days where he’s felt okay enough emotionally and days where he felt awful but in the summer he just began feeling worse and worse and by fall he was fighting to get out of bed everyday.”

 

“Your appetizer,” Ahmet says quietly before he quickly leaves. Justin is pretty sure he heard some of it but Brian keeps looking at him, urging him to go on.

 

“He attempted to kill himself in October. One night, he downed all the pills he had with a bunch of alcohol and went to bed as though it were just any other night. He said he woke up with vomit all over his pillow and the worst hangover of his life. When I asked him if he was relieved when he woke up, he said no. At the time, he had been wishing that he slit his wrists too-”

 

Justin breaks off and covers his face. Just for a minute. He doesn’t want Brian to see him break down.

 

“Justin…” Brian murmurs as Justin feels him reach over the table to rub his shoulder.

 

He needs to pull himself out of it. He came here to eat with Brian. He won’t put all this on him. So he takes a deep breath, rubs his face, and ties things up.

 

“He told all of that to me with a straight face, almost robotic. I guess he called Molly the day after he woke up and she drove up to see him, although he didn’t tell her what he had done. I’m so relieved she went. She usually avoids him at all cost so I’m glad she didn’t that day. Who knows what he could have done to himself? The rest of the visit was fine. He was weird about telling me all that but I tried to go out of my way to make sure had a decent last day. We went to see a show off-Broadway and to the transit museum. We watched the end of Nathan’s rehearsal and the three of us went out to eat. I took him to the airport on Tuesday afternoon and took both of us by surprise by hugging him. It was weird because I still haven’t fully forgiven him plus I haven’t seen him since he had me arrested. But...I don’t know. He looked like he needed it. There was a part of me that was like, “He didn’t give you the shit you needed when you needed it most.” But whatever. So I pulled him in and wrapped my arms around him. He was stiff at first, like he didn’t know what to do but when he hugged me back, he just broke. I tried to be strong and told him Molly was picking him up and to text me to let me know he got home alright and to let me know how his appointment went next Monday. He pulled himself together, nodded, and got on the plane. Molly was pissed that I had her pick him up. I haven’t told her everything but I told her to try to be kind to him and that he was in really bad shape.”

 

Justin looks at the almost forgotten appetizer and puts one of the zucchini slices on his plate.

 

“How has your week been?”

 

Brian blinks and shakes himself out of his silence, “Okay. A lot of it has been spent at work. I went home before lunch yesterday because Lily was sick.”

 

Justin feels a spike of concern at that, “Is she okay? What was wrong?”

 

“Stomach virus. She probably caught it from someone at preschool. It was disgusting but I didn’t want Jess, her nanny, to get it. And she wanted me there. Called me up, upset and scared because she was feeling so bad plus she hadn’t seen me in a couple days so she was missing me. I didn’t have much of a choice at that point.”

 

“Is she feeling better today?”

 

“Yeah. She’s not 100% by any means but she’s keeping food down. Eric’s staying home with her today.”

 

Justin nods. He likes Lily a lot. She’s adorable and seems to take to practically everyone she meets. She also makes Justin want kids of his own but he and Nathan haven’t talked about it.

 

“You’re a good father, Brian.”

 

Brian raises an eyebrow, “Because I went home to take care of my child?”

 

“Yes. And for other reasons. Sorry. I just remember how you felt like you weren’t back when Gus was little.”

 

Brian shrugs, “I still feel like I’m not equipped a lot of the time. I tend to talk to my kids like adults too much and still get annoyed kind of easily. It can be worse with Lily because we don’t have much in common when it comes to interests.”

 

Justin snorts, “She’s a three year old girly girl, Brian. What do you expect? You still love her.”

 

“Of course I love her. I’m just saying that I don’t have this down pat.”

 

Justin smiles affectionately, “I think you are doing a pretty good job.”

 

A small smile pulls at Brian’s lips, “Well, trying still does mean something.”

 

They are caught in a stare, just for a minute but it’s intense and Justin feels lost in it. For a very small amount of time, Justin feels like he is over a decade younger. He feels a rush of attraction and love and exhilaration, things he shouldn’t be feeling at all. Brian isn’t looking away either. It pleases him and it terrifies him.

 

“You meals, gentlemen,” Ahmet greets as he comes to their table with two hot plates.

 

Brian is the first to look away as he looks to Ahmet and thanks him. Justin manages to stop staring at Brian when Ahmet puts his plate down in front of him.

 

They eat and they talk about everything and nothing. At times, it feels like they are back in Pittsburgh with their relationship left unbroken. At others, it’s obvious that they have a long way till they get to know each other again. Radio silence for years has made them both grow up and the differences in their ways of living, both from each other and from then and now, is undeniable.

 

“I wanted to ask you something,” Brian says as he puts his fork down.

 

Justin swallows his food, “Go ahead.”

 

“Eric and I have a date set for the wedding. April 18th. It won’t be a huge wedding, basically just friends, family, and a few business associates. We’re having it at Solé East in the Hamptons and I was wondering if you and Nathan wanted to come. We’re sending out invitations this weekend but since you’re here, I figured I could ask you now.

 

Justin looks down so that his eyes won’t give anything away. He swallowed the lump in his throat and pushed down the unexpected sadness. He knew it was coming. He knew they were getting married. He was happy that Brian was happy, so he didn’t know why he was bothered by it.

 

“Justin, if it makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to come,” Brian tells him in a low voice.

 

Justin lifts his eyes to look at Brian and Brian looks like he understands. That whatever he says, Brian will accept and not question. But Justin is trying. He wants to be Brian’s friend. He misses having him in his life. He has since they split up. So he knows what he’s going to say.

 

“Count me in. I’ll be there,” Justin answers, forcing a smile on his face.

 

Brian looks for a lie but Justin is telling the truth. He will be there. So Brian nods and continues.

 

“Eric wanted me to also ask you if Nathan and his band would be interested in performing at the reception. I figure we’ll hire another musician as well to split up the time so that he can enjoy the reception. We’ll pay them well. If you want to pass the offer along and have him call Eric with his answer, I would appreciate it.”

 

“I’ll tell him about it and have him get back to you.”

 

Ahmet comes by with the bill, which Brian insists he pays. They both get up and Justin walks him back to Kinnetik. The walk is filled with little conversation until Brian gets to the revolving door.

 

“If you want to meet for lunch again or come over, just give me a call. Eric and Nathan can come too. Or not. I like talking to you.”

 

Justin is surprised by the admission and expresses just that, “Even though I was the one who talked most of the time?”

 

Brian shrugs, “You needed to get it out. I’m glad you did. One day the situation may be reversed and you can return the favor.”

 

Justin smiles, genuine this time, “I would like to meet again. I want this to work out. The two of us being friends, I mean.”

 

Brian smiles back, “Me too.”

 

“Maybe we can meet for lunch again sometime. I was planning on having a small dinner at the apartment on Sunday. You, Eric, and Lily are welcome to come.”

 

Brian thinks on it and nods, “We should be able to make it. I’ll give you a call. I’ll see you later, Justin.”

 

Brian goes through the revolving doors. Justin finally feels like he can breathe.

 

He gets back on the train and heads back to the apartment. He walks in and sees that Nathan is already home.

 

“Hey!” Justin says as he walks over to kiss him, “What are you doing back early?”

 

“We just ran through the show once and performed some of the songs a few times. I just got back a half hour ago. I figured I would just hang out until we have that set at 8. How did your meeting go?”

 

Justin smiles, “Great. He wants at least 15 pieces. I have some in storage that I have been planning to display but I’ll be busy.”

 

“You can handle it.”

 

Justin knows he’s going to have to tell Nathan about the lunch, especially now that Brian asked him to ask Nathan about performing at the reception.

 

“Hey, I need to talk to you about something,” Justin tells him, pulling Nathan over to the couch.

 

Nathan sits down next to him and glances over to him, “What is it?”

 

Justin lets out a breath, “Okay, so I met Brian for lunch today.”

 

Nathan stiffens at that, “Why?”

 

“Just to talk. As friends. He knows about the stuff that happened with my dad so he understands how confused I am about all of it.

 

“And I don’t?”

 

Shit. He shouldn’t have said anything. Or he should have said something before he went.

 

“You do. God, Nathan. You’ve been fucking incredible. You know how to talk to my dad in a way I can’t yet and were so supportive of me and I couldn’t have gotten through this past week without you. But...Brian was a big part of why my dad disowned me in the first place. I just needed to talk to someone who understood why I felt so conflicted.”

 

He knows Nathan is angry when he subtly moves his hand away from Justin’s.

 

“You know I understand shitty fathers. Better than most people.”

 

“I know that! I know you understand. But you met him and you guys actually hit it off. You spoke to him on the phone yesterday for a while and talked to him about how he was feeling. I figured that you might not understand now because you like him and are worried about him.”

 

Nathan glares at that, “I’m always on your side, Justin. Just because I met a man who was different from what you described doesn’t mean I suddenly think he was never like that. I know that he was and I hate how he treated you. I would have listened to you.”

 

Justin starts to flounder for words, “I know that. I know you would have. I just…”

 

But Nathan brushes it off, “Forget it. You want to talk to him, that’s fine.”

 

“Nathan-”

 

“Look, I get that he was a big part of your life and you want to be friends with him again. Whatever, let’s move on.”

 

Justin stares at him, trying to find a catch. But Nathan can be a great actor when he wants to be.

 

“Was that all you needed to talk to me about?” Nathan questions, starting to get up.

 

“No. Brian and Eric are getting married on April 18th in the Hamptons and Eric came up with the idea of hiring the band to perform for some of the reception. Brian told me to ask you.”

 

At those words, Nathan seems to relax. Justin had been expecting the opposite, really. He thought that Nathan would blanch at the idea of performing at Brian’s wedding but apparently not.

 

“I’ll talk to the band to make sure they keep that date clear and call Eric to tell him we’re in.”

 

Justin pauses at Nathan’s immediate answer as Nathan gets up and goes into the kitchen. Justin sits there for a few seconds but goes to follow him. He finds Nathan unloading the dishwasher and Justin puts a hand out to gently grab his wrist.

 

“Hey,” Justin says quietly, “You don’t have to say yes if the idea weirds you out.”

 

Nathan looks over him and a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes forms on his lips, “It’s fine. I like Eric a lot. He’s really happy with Brian and Brian’s done a lot for the band. What better way to thank them than perform at their wedding reception? Just promise you’ll save me a dance.”

 

Nathan leans over and lightly kisses Justin on the cheek. Justin tries to not let the idea of Brian and Eric dancing to Nathan’s voice get to him.

Eric would need to work on cooking lessons with Lily. If a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, celery, and crackers could be considered cooking, that is. But letting her spread peanut butter and jelly on the bread after she begged him to was a bad call. He was all about giving her a reasonable amount of independence. He usually let her pick out what she wanted to wear as long as it was weather appropriate and didn’t try to influence her too much when it came to her feelings and interests. So when she said she wanted to make her own lunch because she wanted to learn how to cook, he had been all for it. He directed her to an easier meal to make that didn’t involve the stove and wouldn’t let her touch anything sharper than a children’s butter knife but other than that he tried not to interfere too much, even when she decided she wanted to put crushed up crackers on her sandwich. She insisted that it was MUCH better that way. Bullshit. He never put crushed up Goldfish Crackers on a sandwich in his life, for her or for anyone else.

 

The fact she made that decision should have been a good indicator that he shouldn’t leave her alone for thirty seconds to get her favorite cup. Because when he came back, she had decided that her sandwich needed even more peanut butter and got it all over the counter, her face, her hair, and a few spoonfuls of jelly on the floor. They really should look into getting a maid again.

 

“You,” Eric says sternly, “Don’t move a muscle and eat your sandwich. Then I am taking you upstairs for a bath.”

 

Lily purses her lips, “I’m going to have to move to eat! Do you think the food is just gonna come up to my mouth so I can bite it?!”

 

Eric manages not to laugh at her sarcastic inquiry, “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m saying. Eat your food. You know better than to make a mess like this. Or I thought you did. You did say you were a big girl. Maybe that just isn’t the case.”

 

Lily gasps, completely offended, “I am! I am a big girl!”

 

Lily starts to get up in an attempt to convince him that he’s wrong but he stops her.

 

“Ah! Get back in your seat right now. You eat your sandwich and celery. Then you can prove to me that you’re a big girl by helping me clean up your mess after you’re done.”

 

Lily pouts as she takes a bite into her sandwich before pulling a strange face.

 

“Papa, I don’t really like it.”

 

“I don’t care. You didn’t crumble those crackers on there by accident. You made it for yourself so you have to eat it. I don’t want you wasting any food.”

 

“But-”

 

“No buts, Lily.”

 

“You are being really mean today. Mean Papa!” Lily fumes.

 

Eric snorts, “Yeah, I’m just awful. Hurry up with your food.”

 

He is surprised that Lily ends up eating her sandwich. She leaves the crusts and looks at him defiantly.

 

“I won’t eat the crusts. I won’t!”

 

“You never do. I’m telling you, you’re missing out,” Eric tells her as he hands her a wet rag, “Here. Clean the mess and crumbs off the floor while I clean the table.”

 

Lily does what she’s told with a scowl on her face. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed, Jesus Fucking Christ.

 

“All done, Papa.”

 

Eric gets the last of the crumbs in the wastebasket before picking her up and holding her away from him so peanut butter doesn’t get on his clothes.

 

“I’m not having you track peanut butter through the house. Up the stairs we go.”

 

He tries to get her to lighten up by jiggling her a little and making plane sounds but to no avail. He knows she’s just being a little kid and pouting is part of the norm. It probably isn’t anything but the fact that she is such a downer today concerns him.

 

She stays quiet as he runs the bath water. She takes off her clothes and gets in only to silently look down at the water while he tries to get the peanut butter out of her hair.

 

“What’s the matter with you, huh?” Eric asks her quietly as he gently scrubs her scalp.

 

“Nothing,” Lily pouts.

 

“Come on, you can tell me.”

 

Lily pouts for a few more seconds before muttering, “You said we could get a pet when we moved here. I don’t see a pet.”

 

Eric raises an eyebrow, “That’s it?”

 

“I’m by myself all the time, Papa. There’s no one to play with,” Lily mumbles, lightly splashing the water.

 

“You’ve made friends at preschool. I can talk to their parents to see if you can meet with them after school or on the weekends once in a while.”

 

“I play with some of them but they made friends with each other before I came here. They have best friends there. I don’t have a best friend there. When the Miss Thompson says ‘Pick a partner!’ no one wants to be my partner. They made friends when they started school before me. Since there are no extra people left, Miss Thompson puts me in with two other people.”

 

Eric feels a spike of sadness for her, “Oh, honey…,” he comforts as he rubs her back, “What about Duncan? Duncan is your best friend. You get to see him practically every week, sometimes more.”

 

But Lily shakes her head, “It’s not the same. I don’t see him all the time. I don’t go to school with him and he doesn’t live with me either.”

 

“Daddy and I live here with you.”

 

Lily looks at him with sympathy, “Yes, you do. And I like that you and Daddy live with me very much. But you are both very old and you just aren’t up for playing all the time.”

 

Eric looks away to laugh. She says the funniest things sometimes. He wishes Brian could have heard that first hand.

 

“Papa, it isn’t funny. I have no one to play with here.”

 

“I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t laugh. Things are still hectic with work. Daddy just got the Coke campaign and I’m picking up new projects and working in Bensonhurst all the time. We always make sure one of us is here on the evenings and weekends but I don’t want to put any extra stress on Jess with a pet around until fall comes along and things have calmed down. Summer will be over so the vacation, sunglasses, and back to school advertising campaigns will be as well. Daddy will have more time to stay at home with you and my company will be more settled as well. I think that will be a good time to get a pet, don’t you?”

 

Lily sniffles and lets out a whine before putting her knees to her chest to cry. And it may be over something as trivial as getting a pet but fuck, it breaks his heart. He knows that this move has affected his happy girl. He and Brian make sure she has fun most of the time but he knows she misses Cynthia and the weekend trips to Toronto they haven’t been able to take due to work. He knows she misses Olivia, Tori, and Quinn from her old nursery school and, while she has always been a social little girl, it has been hard for her to find a close friendship at school like she had with those three girls. Duncan had been a savior. They both were a little out of place in their new preschools due to being the new kids and they have really relied on each other for companionship.

 

“M-maybe…,” Lily cries, “Maybe you and daddy can give me a little sister? Lots of kids at my school have a little brother or sister. I would be a really good big sister. I would take good care of her.”

 

Eric freezes at the request. It’s a request that hasn’t been made by Lily before but it is something he has actually given some thought in the last year or so. He had hinted the prospect to Brian a few times in Chicago but Brian managed to dodge it very subtly. He wasn’t set on having another kid, per say but he wasn’t against it either. He was really open to having another one and if it did happen, he wanted the baby to be born before he and Brian were too old. Brian would be turning 44 in May and he would be turning 39 in July. They could probably go a couple more years and then have a kid if they did decide to but he wanted Lily and a potential sibling to be close enough in age so that they could enjoy each other. Age-wise, now would be a perfect time. Lily was in preschool so it wasn’t like they would be taking care of two kids all day everyday but she would still be young enough where she could be close to him or her as they got older.

 

But fuck, the prospect was scary. He hated that she was so lonely and upset but that was a lot to ask for out of the blue. However, he knew he had to do something to placate her. It may be
spoiling her, especially when she made a mess in the kitchen, but she had a lot of changes happen in the last few months that she didn’t necessarily want but went with most of it in stride. It was sort of a dick move not to reward her in some way.

 

“Papa? Are you thinking about it? Are you thinking about a baby sister?” Lily asks cautiously.

 

Eric shakes himself out of his thoughts.

 

“Come on. Out of the tub. Let’s get you dried off so I can do your hair.”

 

“I can do it myself,” Lily pouts as she splashes.

 

Eric puts a towel around her regardless and she dries herself off. He takes her to her room and sits her on the vanity stool to do her hair as she complains about wanting to do it her way.

 

“Papa, I want to do my hair myself.”

 

“Honey, if your hair was straight I would let you try but your hair is curlier than mine. It’s hard to tame and you know that. Daddy and I have to do it for you until you’re a little older or it will tangle all up.”

 

“Maybe you can straighten it for me and I will do it then. I don’t need these stupid curls anyway.”

 

Eric kisses her on top of her head, “I love your curls. They’re beautiful and they’re you. I’m going to dry it and braid it, how does that sound?”

 

“I want to do it.”

 

“It’ll be quicker if I do it. You don’t even know how to braid.”

 

“So?”

 

Eric sighs, “So, you’ll have more time to play before we go to Justin and Nathan’s if I do it. Plus we’ll be able to walk to the pet store down the street so you can pick out a pet. A caged pet.”

 

Lily lets out the most excited gasp he’s ever heard from her before she starts squealing jumping up and down.

 

“PAPA!!!!! REALLY?!?!?! I’M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!”

 

Lily throws herself at his legs as she giggles almost maniacally.

 

“Only if you sit down and let me get you ready. No running around and putting things off. We’ll run out of time and I might change my mind if that happens.

 

Lily sits back down and practically vibrates in her seat he as dries and french braids her hair. Those YouTube tutorials have come in handy because he would never be able to do this as a beginner with the way she is wiggling. But he does get it done and she gets up to zoom around the room in excitement.

 

“What do you want to wear?”

 

“I have to wear something beautiful because I’m meeting my new pet today! Hmm, let’s see...no, not that. Not that. Maybe that but not that-”

 

“How about this maroon top and a pair of jeans?”

 

Lily thinks on it for a few seconds then says, “I think that will look good.”

 

Eric smiles at her, “Me too. Now go get dressed.”

 

Lily puts on her clothes in record time before rushing down the stairs to grab her coat off the hanger as well as his own.

 

“Here, Papa! I got your coat for you. Put it on, put it on!”

 

Eric takes the coat from her hands and gets Lily’s shoes on her feet.

 

“I expect you to be good. No running around and no whining if I say no to something. We both have to be in agreement. I want you to listen to the employees at the store about every pet we look at and remember what they say when it comes to how to take care of it. You are going to have to take care of it, you understand? This is your responsibility. I’ll help you but all the heavy duty work will be left to you.”

 

Lily nods enthusiastically, “Yes, Papa. I will I will. I promise.”

 

Eric gives her one serious nod, “Out the door with you, then.”

 

The two of them walk into the garage. He doesn’t know what they are going to end up needing so even though he has barely driven the car since they moved, he takes it down the street in case what they buy ends up being too much to carry. In hindsight, he really should have asked Brian before he went through with this. He knows it would have been harder to convince the man that Lily really needed a companion at home. He also knows that once he did convince him, he would have wanted to be there for it to experience seeing Lily’s happiness.

 

Fuck, he’s a dick. He knows it’s too late to back out now but really needs to keep himself in check. He gets Lily in her car seat and drives to the pet store that’s close to their apartment. It seems like such a waste in gas but Eric has a feeling that he will be thankful he drove here.

 

“Honey, stop for one second,” Eric tells her as he holds onto her hand with one hand and gets his phone out with another.

 

“One! Okay, let’s go!” Lily exclaims as she tries to pull Eric closer to their destination.

 

Eric gives her a playful glare and clicks on Brian’s name in his contact list.

 

“Brian Kinney speaking,”

 

Eric snorts, “Shut up, you know it’s me.”

 

“He senses Brian’s smile even though the man isn’t there.

 

“What are you and the spawn up to on this lovely Sunday afternoon?”

 

“Not working like a maniac, unlike some people.”

 

Brian laughs, “I’ll be home in a couple of hours. I just had to take care of some paperwork.”

 

“And you made sure that you would be free from the 18th to the 28th?”

 

“Of this month? I think it’s too late for that.”

 

“Of April, smartass,” Eric smiles.

 

“Yes, my dearest husband-to-be,” Brian says sarcastically, “Malia is getting insulted because she thinks I assume she’s incompetent of remembering that she can’t schedule me for anything on those dates. Don’t worry. It’s set. Any big corporate heads that demand a meeting during that time will just have to wait. We’ll be free to fuck and suck and-”

 

“Sightsee?” Eric suggests.

 

“If there’s time. And all will be done without a care in the world since Emmett and Drew agreed to take Lily until we get back.”

 

Eric freezes as he and Lily enter the store. Shit. He thought this through even less than he originally realized.

 

“Uh...Brian? How mad do you think Emmett and Drew would be if they watched Lily and maybe...I don’t know, a guinea pig? Or a hamster?”

 

“A snake!” Lily squeals as she runs over to the glass display.

 

Brian is silent for a few beats and Eric closes his eyes, anticipating the man’s anger.

 

“What did you do?”

 

“Nothing yet. I know I should have told you. It was a horrible move not only as a partner but also as a co-parent not to talk to you about it before saying yes. You didn’t hear her today though. She’s so sad, Brian. The idea of this is making her so happy.”

 

“You should have waited until after the wedding,” Brian mutters, “It’s not fair to Emmett and Drew to throw a fucking pet at them while we’re off honeymooning.”

 

“I know that now. I didn’t think about the honeymoon,” Eric confesses, “I was too focused on Lily and how she was feeling. She’s so lonely, Brian,”

 

Brian lets out a sigh, “I know. I get it. I may have given in too.”

 

Eric huffs out a breath, “No, you wouldn’t. Not as easily as I did.”

 

“Don’t make it out like you did a bad thing. Listen, don’t get anything until you get a hold of Emmett or Drew to make sure it’s okay. Stella is good with the kids but who knows how she would be around another animal. Call them and if they are okay with having the pet stay then it’s okay with me if she gets one. But not a fucking snake. I heard her in the background.”

 

Eric looks over to see Lily absolutely mesmerized by the slithering creature.

 

“Yeah, I’ll pull her away as soon as I call Emmett. Thanks, Brian. I’m sorry for saying yes to her without discussing it first. I just felt so bad.”

 

“We’ll talk about it when I get home, alright? You can tell me what she said and we’ll figure it out. Now go call Emmett before she gets too excited.”

 

“Alright. Love you. Sorry again.”

 

Brian huffs, “Eric, chill out and hang up. But you too.”

 

Eric hears a click on the line and he stands closer to Lily so that she doesn’t wander off before calling Emmett.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey, Emmett. It’s Eric. I hate to spring this on you and it’s completely my fault that I have to, but I was wondering if I can ask for a favor.”

 

“Of course, baby! Ask away! Duncan, sweetie! Go eat your lunch! You can play with Stella after you’re done. Sorry, Eric. Go on.”

 

“Right...so I sort of gave into one of Lily’s requests earlier. She’s been feeling down about moving and has been asking for a pet for months. We’re not getting a dog or anything. We want to start her out with something small and easy to take care of. To be honest, it is to get Brian more used to an animal in the house rather than Lily. Anyway, she was having a bad day today. I’m not sure what brought it on. She wasn’t on her best behavior and she had a temper. I knew something was driving her to act out. I got her to talk to me and she just got so upset because she missed Chicago and is feeling lonely here. I told her we could get a pet when we moved into the house and she brought it back up today. I don’t know...I know I shouldn’t reward her when she was sassing me earlier but I think getting her a small pet might help a lot so I am giving in.”

 

“And you are on your way to the pet store as we speak, aren’t you?” Emmett says knowingly.

 

“We’re actually already there.”

 

“Have you told Brian?”

 

“I just did. He’s pissed but he’s not going to deny her of it when I said yes already.”

 

“Well, I think it will be good for her. She’s a sweet little girl and she deserves a pet. I don’t think it is spoiling her when she’s gone through a move and several changes in the last few months. Duncan is crazy about Stella but we had her first, of course.”

 

“I’m glad you agree. So...I was just wondering if I could ask you to watch the pet while Brian and I go on our honeymoon? I would pay you of course and give you everything you need to take care of it. It’ll be a caged pet and we could bring it in the day before the wedding so that you don’t have to stop at the house afterwards. But if you don’t want to that is completely fine. We can probably hire someone to come feed it and interact with it while Lily stays with you-”

 

Emmett laughs, “Eric, it’s fine. We can put the cage in Duncan’s room and if Stella seems like she might be getting too excited when the kids get it out, we can put her in the parlor for a little bit until it’s back in its cage. What have you decided on getting?”

 

“Papa, a snake!” Lily exclaims, pointing out the obvious.

 

“Um...Did I hear her say snake? About agreeing to take care of Lily’s pet for the week-”

 

“She’s not getting a snake,” Eric says pointedly.

 

“But-” Lily starts to protest but Eric puts a finger to his lips.

 

“Oh, thank god. I don’t think I could handle feeding one. As long as I don’t have to feed your pet something alive, I can handle it with no problem. I know Lily’s taste tend to be a little eccentric but I lived on a farm and I’m good with all different sorts of animals. Good luck finding your new addition!”

 

“Thanks Emmett. It will be something easy, I swear.”

 

The two say their goodbyes and Eric hangs up. He feels Lily’s head brush against his leg as she looks up at him.

 

“Who was that?” she asks.

 

“Emmett. I wanted to make sure he would take care of a pet when you go and stay with him for the week after the wedding.”

 

“Or my pet and I can go with you and Daddy,” Lily suggests.

 

“Daddy and I need alone time,” Eric tells her because, as much as he loves his daughter, she is not coming on their honeymoon with them.

 

“I would be good,” Lily says, trying to tempt him.

 

“No. Besides, Duncan would be upset that you didn’t come stay with him.”

 

“True,” Lily concedes, “Now, come on! We have to find my new pet!”

 

They look at all the animal displays and Lily oohs and ahs over every single animal. Every. Single. One.

 

“So what do you think about a goldfish?” Eric suggests when they get to the feeder tank. They were twenty cents and it would be easy enough to replace in case it ended up dying. His older brother George had a fish that lived for thirteen years. His parents ended up installing a pond to put in their backyard. Felipe spent the last five years of his life in that pond and grew exponentially as soon as they gave him the bigger space. His parents bought a couple of Koi fish to keep it company. If Felipe would have died peacefully, he would have looked back at that fish and thought he lived a good long life for a preschool carnival fish. But Felipe didn’t die peacefully. Felipe was eaten by a bobcat that climbed over their fence. It was totally fucked. It was even more fucked that every goldfish Eric had as a kid, no matter how well he took care of it, died within a month. George forgot to feed Felipe several days at a time. Such bullshit.

 

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” Lily answers as she presses her nose against the glass.

 

“How come?”

 

“Becaussseee,” Lily starts before pausing to think of the reasons, “I can’t cuddle with a goldfish. If I play with him he would die because he needs water. So he would have no one to play with and I wouldn’t have anyone to play with. I would have to get two so he could have a friend. But there are so many. What if I take him away from his family? We don’t know. I don’t want a goldfish, Papa. Not right now.”

 

Her reasoning is actually pretty sound, despite her overthinking some of it. He’s surprised by it though so he nods in agreement.

 

“You’re right. A pet rock it is.”

 

Lily giggles, “Papa! You can’t have a rock as a pet!”

 

“They exist, I kid you not.”

 

Lily shakes her head, “That’s just silly. A rock can’t play with you and a rock can’t love you. They can’t eat or drink. They’re not pets!”

 

“I suppose you’re right. What do you think would be a better pet?”

 

“Hmmm...maybe this one,” Lily says as she approaches a tarantula tank.

 

Eric immediately turns Lily around and directs her elsewhere.

 

“What about some of these fluffier animals? They’re awfully cute, aren’t they?”

 

“Yeah, they’re really cute!” Lily exclaims as she sits on the floor to look at the rats.

 

Eric can’t help but sigh.

 

“But what about these guinea pigs? Or these teddy bear hamsters? I think this one likes you!”

 

Lily looks up at the hamsters and the one standing up on his hind legs to press his face against the glass does get her attention.

 

“He’s so cute! But he doesn’t have a pretty tail like the ones down here do,” Lily informs him as she sits back down.

 

“You two need any help today?” an associate asks as he approaches them.

 

“My daughter here is here to pick out her first pet. We have some differences when it comes to what we want though.”

 

“I want the one with the red eyes!” Lily exclaims as she looks up at the employee.

 

“Oh, I know him. He’s a sweetheart,” the man says to her.

 

“I was thinking she should get a teddy bear hamster. They do well alone, don’t they?” Eric asks.

 

“You’re right there. It isn’t advised for two Syrian hamsters to share a cage. Dwarfs are fine together but Syrians tend to get aggressive if they have to share their home.”

 

“But what about these? I want a rat. They are so cute!” Lily squeals as she giggles at two of the rats tumbling around.

 

Eric looks down at them, “I don’t know, Lily…”

 

“Rats actually make great pets. They’re fantastic companion animals and very smart. They like humans more than hamsters generally do. They’re very loyal. We’re not like other pet stores. We get all our pets from independent breeders and affiliated rescues so they are healthier than the mill rats and we also have papers on them that explain any history that we were given. Rats do tend to have health problems as they get older and they only live for 2 to 3 years but they are fun while you have them. There are a couple of rescue rats in there that we don’t know the full history of but they’re both females. I think my co-worker is considering taking them home. But we have papers on the albino. He came from a breeder in Staten Island.”

 

Damn. He hadn’t been expecting the guy to push the rats. Probably because no one really wanted them.

 

“Papa? Papa Papa Papa? I want a rat. They are so beautiful.”

 

“Uh-”

 

Luckily the employee senses his discomfort, “Why don’t I get a hamster out then one of the rats so you can hold them and see which you like better?”

 

Lily gasps, “I want to do that. Papa, do you want to do that?”

 

“Sure. We can do that. Why don’t we see the hamster first?”

 

Lily nods, “Okay. And then we’ll see the rats.”

 

Eric suppresses a groan, “Fine.”

 

The employee gets the most social hamster out and squats down to hold it in front of Lily so that she can pet it.

 

“Now Lily, be gentle. Don’t get loud or excited around it. That might scare it.”

 

“I won’t,” Lily whispers loudly, “He’s really cute. Is he a he?”

 

“She’s a she, actually,” the man says, amused, before looking up at Eric, “You okay with your daughter holding her?”

 

Eric looks down at Lily’s pleading eyes, “You have to be really careful. Don’t drop her.”

 

“I would never do something like that,” Lily whispers as she gently takes the hamster in her hands.

 

The hamster crawls from hand to hand and Lily softly giggles as the hamster sniffs her.

 

“Wanna hold her, Papa?” she asks as she holds her hands up in offering.

 

Since Eric wants to make his child happy, he gently takes the hamster from her hands. He holds the rodent up to eye level, tries to judge its character, and promptly gets shat on.

 

“That’s hamsters for you,” the associate says as he takes the hamster and hands him a wipe and some disinfectant.

 

Eric wipes his hands and looks down to see Lily hiding a laugh behind her hands. When she sees that she’s been spotted, she looks around the store aimlessly and innocently as though the fit of giggles never happened.

 

“Time for the rats now, Papa!” Lily reminds him as she bends back down.

 

“Lily, I don’t know-”

 

“Papa, please?” Lily asks, eyes big.

 

Eric looks over to the associate and nods.

 

“You said you wanted to hold the albino rat, right?”

 

“Uh huh! He’s really cute.”

 

“Okay. Hold out your hands. He might try to crawl up your arm.”

 

Lily hold her hands out and the rat immediately starts sniffing Lily and crawling up her arm to perch on her shoulder. He sniffs her face and hair as Lily giggles in delight. And then it curls up against her neck, paws holding onto her shirt so he won’t fall off her small shoulders.

 

“Papa, he is the the best pet I could ever ask for,” Lily says in awe.

 

“Now the thing about rats is that they are very social. It’s recommended you get two. They can be relatively happy as a single rat if they get a lot of attention but they are companion animals. It’s best to get a cage mate.”

 

Lily gasps, “Papa, that means I can have TWO pets! That’s good!”

 

“Is it?” he asks her without humor.

 

“Uh huh. I can watch them play and they can play with me and we’ll be best friends.”

 

Eric lets out a groan. He already knows what his answer is going to be. Brian is going to kill him. Literally kill him. His blood will be splattered throughout their home as the rats feed on his body.

 

“Is there another rat in there that this one is attached to?” Eric finally asks, accepting his fate.

 

Lily holds back a squeal and vibrates with excitement as the associate points out one of his brothers, who is a reddish cream colored rat. She visits with that one as well. He seems to be sweet and inquisitive as well, although more active and a little less cuddly. Lily promptly starts giving him the puppy eyes and Eric finally agrees then lets the associate direct them to everything they need to get. After they buy the cage, travel carrier, a smaller but more size appropriate cage than the travel cage to take to Emmett’s in April, food, supplies, and toys, he is definitely glad that he brought the car. He signs some papers, agreeing to keep the rats as his own and to not give them away as well as also agreeing that he will bring the rats back if they die within a week to get a refund or an exchange.

 

The associate helps them get their purchases to the car and they load them in the trunk after he puts Lily in her car seat and the travel carrier beside her.

 

“No getting the rats out until we get home. Sit tight,” he orders before he goes to make sure everything fits in the back.

 

“‘Kay, Papa.”

 

They manage to get everything in and he slips the man a tip, even though the associate originally insists on not taking it. After the man goes back inside, Eric goes to the other side of the car and gets into the driver’s seat.

 

“Papa?”

 

“Yes, Lily?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Eric smiles, “You’re welcome. Your daddy is going to kill me but you’re welcome.”

 

Lily shakes her head, “I don’t think he’ll do that. He won’t when he sees how cute they are. I’m gonna let him name one and I think he’ll like that.”

 

“We’ll see, I guess.”

 

Eric drives around the block to go back to the apartment. He and Lily lug the stuff in after she takes the rat’s carrier to her room. Then they clear out the corner of her room and get to work on the cage. When the rats go in the cage to play around and investigate, Eric can admit that they are maybe a little cute. And when Lily gets them out and he sees that they are actually very sweet and well behaved pets, he can admit that maybe it was a good choice on Lily’s part.

 

He can only hope that Brian thinks so too.

Brian knew he was not going to be that happy when Eric immediately ran up to him at the door, kissed him, then said, “Hey, babe! How was the office?”

 

Not that Eric never greeted him. But the fact that he was so quick to keep him from making his way past the foyer made Brian suspicious.

 

“Did you eat? I know we’re all heading to Justin’s in a couple of hours but I know how you skip meals if you get too busy. Do you-”

 

“Where is it?” Brian asks, eyebrow raised.

 

Eric bites his lip before muttering, “Wrong pronoun.”

 

“I don’t know if it is a boy or a girl so how am I-”

 

“I meant the word “it” implies singular. ‘Where are they?' is what you are looking for.”

 

Brian glares and looks for the joke. Shit. Eric’s not joking.

 

“I thought we agreed on one pet when we talked about this before we moved.”

 

Eric puts on a nervous grin, “Well, it turns out the pets she chose do better in pairs. It would actually be more work to get one since they are companion animals and need attention.”

 

“Eric, just tell me what they are.”

 

Eric opens his mouth to speak but they are interrupted by their daughter coming into the room with a huge smile on her face. But it isn’t just their daughter. No, it couldn’t be just that. In her hands is something that he didn’t want his child holding. And, more so, he didn’t want one balancing on top of her head.

 

“Daddy! Papa! Look what I taught Bianca to do!” Lily giggles as she points to her head, where the rodent has decided is a good place to perch.

 

Brian rushes over to throw the thing outside but Eric puts a hand on his arm and gives him the look before gently detangling the animal from their daughter’s hair and handing it back to her.

 

“Lily, he may poop in your hair if you don’t watch out,” Eric carefully warns her.

 

Lily shrugs, “I can wash it out.”

 

Eric rolls his eyes before getting a questioning look on his face, “You know Bianca is a girl’s name, right? Your rats are both boys.”

 

Lily looks at him bewildered, “So?”

 

“Right. Why don’t you introduce your pets to Daddy?”

 

Lily nods, excited, before rushing over to him and holding each rat up high so that Brian is forced to look at him.

 

“These are my new pets, Daddy! They are the best pets in the entire world because they are so cute and smart and funny and nice! This one is named Bianca. He looks like a Bianca, don’t you think? I love him because his fur is like snow and his eyes are like cherries. And this is his brother. I love him because his fur is like sand and his eyes are like black crayon. I didn’t name him because I want you to name him!”

 

“Vermin,” Brian whispers with distaste.

 

“You mean Vernon? Like our old neighbor? Okay!” Lily agrees before cooing, “Hi, Vernon! You are so cute, Vernon. I love you, Vernon. Do you love Vernon and Bianca, Daddy?”

 

It’s probably a good thing that Eric jumps in before Brian can break their daughter’s tender little heart.

 

“Lily, why don’t you go watch them run through their obstacle course in your room? Daddy and I will come watch them with you in a few minutes.”

 

Brian turns to give Eric a disgusted look but is ignored until Lily skips out of the room, humming.

 

Brian turns on Eric with a scowl.

 

“Rats? Fucking rats?” Brian seethes.

 

“She was set on them. It seemed like the lesser evil in comparison to a snake or a tarantula,” Eric reasons as he leads Brian to the couch.

 

“No,” Brian insists, pulling away and not giving in, “They’re rats, Eric. We see them eat trash and the dead carcuses of their family members in the subway tracks. She can’t keep them.”

 

“They aren’t street rats. They are Dumbo Rats. They have big ears ready to flop over and cute faces. They are sweet and gentle with Lily.”

 

Brian glares, “Lily brainwashed you while I was in Manhattan. This isn’t you.”

 

Eric purses his lips, holding back a laugh, “Yeah, you’re probably right. But they make her happy.”

 

Brian lets out an aggravated sigh before throwing himself on the couch, “But rats?”

 

“I tried to convince her to get a goldfish, hamster or guinea pig but they didn’t have ‘pretty tails.’”

 

“She thinks they have pretty tails?” Brian asks, disgusted.

 

“There’s no accounting for taste,” Eric comments.

 

“She must get her tastes from you.”

 

“That’s actually insulting you, considering you are just my type,” Eric points out before kissing him on the cheek.

 

“They are both males. They might fight when they get older because they get too territorial living in the same space. Lily could wake up to bloodshed.”

 

“We’ve been living together for over five years and I haven’t made you bleed yet.”

 

“I don’t know, sometimes you get pretty wild when I take you on your back,” Brian smirks before getting back to the point, “I’m serious though.”

 

“They’re neutered. They came from a breeder who regularly works with a vet so the animals that can be fixed do get fixed. The pet store down the street is actually pretty cool and will only work with independent breeders and rescue groups. Vernon and Bianca are also from the same litter so they know each other and are close.”

 

Brian snorts, “Bianca. First the thing gets his balls chopped off and then a little girl gives him a name meant for a woman. He’ll be so confused. How much did you pay for fixed rats, anyway?”

 

Eric flushes, “That’s irrelevant.”

 

Brian stares at him, “I don’t want to know, do I?”

 

“Considering the price of neutering, it wasn’t bad at all. For the rats, that is. But for the food, toys, cages, this ridiculous obstacle course they love, and a bunch of other shit...It sort of added up.”

 

“You should have vetoed the idea.”

 

But Eric shakes his head, “I couldn’t. We already told her she couldn’t get a puppy or a kitten because we wanted to start her out with a caged pet. She wanted a ferret before since Quinn had a couple but ferrets are illegal in the city. She wanted a snake and a tarantula but I told her no, of course. And before that when she was crying and asking us to maybe giving her a baby sister instead, I didn’t answer her.”

 

Brian feels himself tense up at the last sentence out of Eric’s mouth. He knows his partner would have avoided bringing what Lily said up if it was something he didn’t want or even something he didn't have a current opinion on. Shit. He didn’t want another kid, did he? Lily and Gus were enough for him. Sure, he’s thought about it when Eric mentioned it in passing. Cynthia did leave them a few extra eggs in the possible scenario that they wanted to try for another. He loves his kids and would love a third one just as much. But Lily was a handful. But he also knew deep down that she would love having a younger sibling. He knew that he and Eric were stable and fucking loved each other and that meant something in terms of raising another child together. They were raising a great kid already and he knew that two kids under their roof wouldn't end up like he and Claire did. The chances that Lily would have a great and supportive relationship with a younger sibling were quite high. It might make him stress out to the max and make him get no sleep. It also might make Eric and him and happier than ever. It would probably do all of the above.

 

God, he’s become so fucking stepford. How the mighty have fallen. He knows that if his younger self found out about where his life would lead, he would off himself before Brian could tell him that he would actually end up loving how things turned out.

 

“Brian?” Eric asks him, looking cautious and surprised, “What are you thinking right now?”

 

Brian gets up, “I’m thinking that this is a conversation for later.”

 

“Wait, are you actually considering it?”

 

Brian just shrugs before heading up to Lily’s bedroom where he finds her sitting on the floor so she can watch her goddamn rats run through the obstacle course.

 

“Daddy!” she calls out suddenly as she turns around, “Sit down next to me so you can play with me, Bianca, and Vernon.”

 

Brian closes his eyes and counts to ten before sitting cross-legged next to her.

 

“Aren’t they cute?!” She asks him, looking at him with pure happiness, “They are so beautiful.”

 

Brian snorts, “You think everything is beautiful. You use that word all the time.”

 

“There’s lots of beautiful things. I say they’re beautiful so that they know they’re beautiful and other people can see that they’re beautiful too.”

 

Brian feels his eyes soften before he puts his arms around her to plant a kiss on top of her head. She returns the hug and they just sit there and watch the rats crawl through the tunnels. Lily gets them out after several minutes and makes him hold one. He tries to hold back his shudders before handing him back to Lily to put back in the cage, which of course she doesn’t want to do.

 

“We’re going to leave soon. They’ll still be here when you get back, unfortunately, so you can be away from them for a few hours. They’ll be fine.”

 

“Daddy, I can’t. They have to come with us. They just HAVE to,” Lily insists as she goes over to get the carrier.

 

Brian steps in front of her and picks her up, “Sorry, babe. We can’t bring them to Justin’s. I’m not going to come off as the weird guy who carries rats around.”

 

“But they’re my rats. I’ll carry them around. They’ll like it,” Lily tries to reason with him.

 

Brian shakes his head, “It’ll just stress them out. It’s been a big day for them. They need to get used to their new home and take a nap. Remember how tired you were when you first moved to New York?”

 

“But I was from far away. We got them from up the street!”

 

“Lily, it’s a no.”

 

Lily crosses her arms, humphs, and looks away, “Meanie! Mean mean-”

 

Brian lets out a fake cry, “Oh, you break my heart! And here I thought we had a moment a few minutes ago!”

 

Eric walks in and raises an eyebrow, “Lily, why are you making your father cry?”

 

Lily glares, “He’s not crying! He’s faking it!”

 

“You got your rats. I’m glad you love them but they are staying here. Don’t start acting like a brat when you got your way. We can always take them back,” Brian tells her sternly.

 

Lily lets out a panicked whimper but keeps her mouth shut. Brian lets her down before ordering her to go get her coat and boots on and they would be in to help her if she needed it.

 

“She’s been like that since she woke up,” Eric comments, “Stubborn and sassy as fuck. Irritable and angry. She wouldn’t take a nap before lunch. Made a mess in the kitchen. She’s lucky I caught onto the fact that she was feeling off. I might not have been as understanding and concerned. The way she’s been feeling is worrying me. She’s the new kid who has busy parents and no siblings living with her full-time but on top of all that, she’s extremely bright. Her mindset is a little different than other kids her age because she’s more advanced so that might be another reason she is having a hard time making a close friend. She’s won’t even be four for another month and a half and she’s reading. I think it’s probably why she and Duncan get along so well. His vocabulary isn’t as big but he takes in a lot. He listens to her and understands everything she says. He’s more knowledgeable to how shitty life can be but he’s strong and takes it all in stride and I think that gives him more wisdom than a three year old should have.”

 

“Yes. We’ve established that Duncan and Lily are a good match. But she needs to be finding at least a couple of close friends at school. Duncan doesn’t live in the same school district. Maybe we should consider getting her tested again so she can be considered for kindergarten next year instead of another year of preschool.”

 

“I don’t want to move her up in grades unless she is feeling completely unchallenged. It may make her feel out of place at the age she’s at right now. Age differences matter more when you’re little. The gifted program starts once she enters kindergarten so we’ll get her into that before sticking her in with the older kids.”

 

Brian thinks for a second, “Then maybe we can find a group extracurricular for her that she’ll like. One that’s about to start so she can make closer friends. There’s a lot of things going on in the city. Maybe dance or swimming lessons would be something she’s interested in. Hell, maybe she can do both. If we can’t find anything starting for a while, we can get her involved in something else.”

 

Eric smiles, “I think she would like either one but I really believe that she would like dance. You know how she is, always dancing, skipping, and jumping around the house to different songs. Oh, think of how cute she would look in a tutu! She would be in recitals and we would get to see her on stage-”

 

“I’m sure it will be adorable,” Brian snarks before sobering up, “We’ll look into different dance studios and talk to her about it. I’m sure she’ll love the idea. Hell, maybe we can convince Emmett and Drew to let Duncan start with her so she can go in with a little more confidence.”

 

“You think Drew would be okay with his son taking dance classes?”

 

Brian laughs, “Drew actually took dance classes. Emmett told me he did it for years to help with his balance and coordination in football.”

 

“Well, it may be something to ask about when we see them at dinner,” Eric smiles before kissing him. Brian brings Eric closer to deepen the kiss but is forced to break it when Lily comes in with untied boots.

 

“I thought you were coming down to help me,” Lily says as she looks up at them.

 

Brian bends down to ties her shoelaces, “I thought you were starting to get the hang of this.”

 

Lily shrugs, “I’m not good with these strings. They’re too short. You’re better at it.”

 

“We’ll practice with them this week,” Brian tells her before leading her back down the stairs.

 

The subway is packed when they get on and Brian has to hold Lily with one arm and grab onto one of the poles with another. The train they transfer to isn’t as bad and he lets Eric take the one available seat so he can hold Lily in his lap. Lily, of course, charms the people sitting close to her by telling anyone who will listen about her new pet rats and how much she loves them. Some of them gross out good naturedly to make her laugh and gleefully confirm that she has pets that people are scared of. One woman tells her that rats make great pets and she had a couple as a teenager. One fucking asshole just ignores her completely and glares when she talks to him. Dick.

 

But they get away from the asshole soon enough and get off the stop closest to Justin’s apartment.

 

“I’m so excited to tell Duncan about Bianca and Vernon,” Lily says conversationally as she holds Brian’s and Eric’s hands, “He will be so excited to meet them. I’m so excited!”

 

Lily lets out a squeal and jumps up and down. Brian closes his eyes and shakes his head before ringing Justin’s and Nathan’s doorbell.

 

Nathan’s voice comes through the intercom and he buzzes them up then greets them at the apartment door.

 

“Hey,” Nathan says as he offers to hang their coats up, “Justin’s in the kitchen cooking. Petra, Nadia, and Sebastian are in the living room and Emmett and Drew should be here with Duncan soon.”

 

“Hi, Nathan!” Lily calls out before hugging his legs. Nathan looks taken aback and pats her on the head, “Hi, Lily. How’s life?”

 

“It’s the bestest thing ever! Guess what?”

 

Nathan gives her a questioning look, “What?”

 

“I have pet rats!”

 

“...Cool!” Nathan tells her, faking enthusiasm.

 

“I know!”

 

“You should go tell my friends. Petra is terrified of rats,” he conspires.

 

“Hmmm...okay! Come on, Papa and Daddy. Let’s go talk to Nathan’s friends,” Lily commands as she pulls on their hands.

 

“Daddy can go with you,” Eric says as he slowly pulls his hand away, “And I can go see if Justin needs help with dinner.”

 

“Come on, Daddy,” she says, accepting her papa’s answer.

 

Brian looks over to Eric to see if there is any other intention in going to help out Justin. Eric looks as though he is being pretty genuine though so Brian heads into the living room with Lily and tries not to think too hard about the two significant men in his life chatting in the other room. He manages to inquire about how the shows on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and gets positive answers before Lily butts into the conversation to announce that she has pet rats.

 

“Rats?! Why would you want rats?” Nadia asks, laughing.

 

Lily beams and jumps in place, “Because they are beautiful and have pretty tails. Bianca sits on my head. He’s so funny.”

 

“You mean she?” Petra inquires.

 

Lily shakes her head and rolls her eyes, as though Petra just asked a ridiculous question, “No. He. Bianca’s a boy. And so is his brother, Vernon. Bianca has red eyes and is white all over. Vernon is sandy colored and has black eyes.”

 

“Well, I’m sure they are gorgeous,” Petra smiles before glancing over at him to check him out. Again.

 

“I like rats,” Sebastian says quietly, which takes Brian by surprise because according to Nathan he barely talks at all, “They’re really smart. I had two rats when I nine. They were girls.”

 

Nadia snorts, “You would have rats.”

 

Sebastian raises an eyebrow before Nadia kisses him. Petra looks away and it seems as though she is suppressing a gag.

 

“That’s a new development,” she explains to him, “It’s disgusting.”

 

Nadia turns her head and smirks, “Don’t worry, Petra. My offer to go down on you still stands. Seb and I are in an open relationship since he knows I still have certain needs that need to be met.”

 

“There is a small child in the room, Nadia. Jesus Christ.”

 

“Says the woman who has been checking out that child’s gay father.”

 

Petra shrugs, “Can you blame me? Just look at him.”

 

“He is attractive for an older man,” Nadia agrees.

 

For an older man? Fuck her. He’s attractive period.

 

“Do either of you know how to act around kids?” Nathan asks as he walks back in the room, “Sorry, Brian. Usually they just talk about you behind your back.”

 

Brian raises his eyebrows, surprised that Nathan would actually admit that his friends find him attractive. He bet that was hard for him to swallow at first. Ha.

 

He looks down at Lily who seems to have lost interest in the whole conversation and is hopping around the room. She can only talk to adults for so long, he supposes.

 

The doorbell buzzes, which startles Lily before she gasps, “Duncan?”

 

“Might be.” Nathan says before he leaves the room again. Brian can tell he’s out of his element with kids. He will give him props for trying though.

 

It turns out not to be Duncan. It’s Justin’s friend Liam and his girlfriend Carmen. Lily hangs back next to Brian and climbs onto his lap. She’s being uncharacteristically shy but Brian chalks it down to dealing with too many people she doesn’t know that well at once. Carmen goes out of her way to talk to her. She comes up to Lily, compliments her braid, and soon Lily is off his lap and chatting to Carmen and Liam about her rats and god knows why she thinks that’s a great conversation starter but she does impress Carmen by starting a conversation in Spanish when she catches onto Carmen’s accent. That wins Carmen over completely and he can already tell that Lily already considers her a best friend or something.

 

Brian takes that as a cue to go see what Eric and Justin are up to so he gets up, crosses the room, and stops in front of Nathan.

 

“I’m going to go see what Eric’s up to. Watch Lily for me?”

 

Nathan pales, “Uh-”

 

“You’re a great host. See you in a few,” Brian interrupts then goes to the kitchen.

 

Brian stops when he hears Eric and Justin talking to eavesdrop just a little bit before making his presence known. When he hears what they are talking about, he rolls his eyes at himself. They are talking about what they usually talk about if they are left to their own devices: art & architecture.

 

“You’ll love Portugal,” Eric tells Justin, becoming excited just talking about it, “I know you’ll only be there for a week for your show but it’s beautiful. There’s a bookstore called Livraria Lello. It’s one of the most beautiful buildings I’ve ever been in. It’s nice looking on the outside but the inside is absolutely incredible. You’ll want to stay there for hours just looking at the place. Then you’ll stay for a few hours more to browse the books.”

 

“I’ll make a point of going there when I go there near the end of July,” Justin assures him, “Speaking of architecture, thank you for taking on Caleb as an intern. He loves working on the synagogue. When he interned for me a year ago as a freshman, he was great. But I could tell he was more interested in building rather than painting, decorative art, and commissioning. He was really into woodworking and making furniture when he entered one of the shows. When he did paint or sketch, it was always of houses and buildings from his mind. I’m glad you’re giving him an opportunity to explore that more. He’s already changed his major and everything.”

 

“He’s very talented and has a lot of potential,” Eric agrees, “He even has the math and physics needed down pretty well. I think he’s going to go far.”

 

“That’s good to hear,” Justin grins.

 

Brian comes up behind Eric and Justin and puts his hands over their eyes.

 

“Guess who.”

 

“Debbie Novotny?” Eric calls out with sarcastic hope.

 

“Jim Stockwell,” Justin says, playing along.

 

“RuPaul,” Eric guesses, giving it another go.

 

“Hillary Clinton.”

 

“Donald Tru-”

 

“Don’t you dare finish that guess,” Brian tells Eric as he kisses his cheek, “My hair will never be as catastrophic as that successful lunatic’s.”

 

Brian puts his hands down and both Eric and Justin turn to him and feign surprise.

 

“Oh, Brian! Last person I would expect.”

 

“Nice of you to come over, Brian.”

 

Brian looks at both of them and shakes his head, “Such a strange type I have.”

 

Both of them tilt their heads in genuine confusion but Eric brushes it off first.

 

“Where’s Lily?” his fiance asks as he goes over to wash his hands.

 

“I left her with the rest of the children here,” Brian mutters.

 

Justin smirks, “Feeling a bit old, Brian?”

 

Brian glares at Justin but turns it into a smile, “No. Just mature.”

 

Eric and Justin look at each other before they start laughing.

 

“Seriously. One of you need to come out with me so I’m not sitting out there with my kid while a bunch of 20 somethings talk about their constant partying and conquests.”

 

Justin snorts, “Come on, Brian. You don’t need anyone to sit out there with you and hold your hand. Just dredge up the past and you’ll be able to blow their numbers out of the water.”

 

“If his elderly mind can remember it-Oh my god, Brian! Stop tickling me! You’re not old, I was joking!” Eric yelps and lets himself be led away by Brian but protests, “Justin might need more help.”

 

“I’ll be fine,” Justin tells them, “We got everything in the oven and I just need to prepare the desserts to put in the fridge. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

 

“See, darling? Your kitchen duties are done,” Brian tells him as he drags him out of the room.

 

Brian and Eric go out to the living room and find Lily singing for an audience. Brian gives her a strange look and Eric gets out his phone to film it. Big surprise there.

 

Nathan gives Brian a long-suffering look. He thinks that’s a bit rude. Lily has a decent singing voice for a three year old in his opinion.

 

The doorbell buzzes once again and Lily stops mid-song.

 

“Duncan?”

 

“Most likely. Am I off babysitting duty now?” Nathan asks, a strange combination of annoyed and amused.

 

“I suppose,” Brian dismisses.

 

Nathan shakes his head and huffs out a laugh before ringing Emmett, Drew, and Duncan up.

 

"Sorry we're the last ones here!" Emmett says to the group, "The trains were backed up In Hoboken. How are-oh hi, baby girl!"

 

As expected, Lily hugs Emmett’s legs but ignores the greeting and runs straight for Duncan to tell him about her rats. Duncan nods and smiles as she tells him about her precious pets before pulling a slightly crumpled rose from his coat pocket to give to her.

 

“A flower!” Lily gasps as she gently takes it from Duncan and hugs it to her chest.

 

What the fuck does Duncan think he is trying to pull?

 

“Duncan, sweetie? Where did you get that?” Emmett asks his son cautiously.

 

“I picked it for Lily!” Duncan exclaims before smiling at Lily.

 

“Uh, I don’t remember passing any rose bushes at the end of February. I especially don’t remember passing any rose bushes with dyed electric blue roses...so answer my question.”

 

“Duncan?” Drew asks, “Did you take that from the flower shop we passed?”

 

Duncan seems to realize he may have done something wrong but stays petulant, “I wanted to give Lily a flower.”

 

“I love my flower, Duncan,” Lily says shyly as she turns her body left to right.

 

“Oh my god, they’re so cute together!” Nadia coos.

 

“It’s like they’re boyfriend and girlfriend,” Petra chuckles.

 

“They love each other,” Carmen sighs.

 

Brian glares at the women and he hears Justin and Eric laughing over it all, as though they think this is cute when it isn’t at all.

 

Duncan beams and Drew lets out a groan.

 

“That’s stealing, Duncan. We aren’t supposed to steal.”

 

Duncan pales as much as his dark skin allows and gets a blank look on his face.

 

“I should make you take it back to the florist and have you say sorry.”

 

“No! I can’t! It’s Lily’s flower! It’s for her!” Duncan insists as he pushes Lily’s flower wielding hand behind her back to hide the evidence.

 

Emmett sighs, “Never do it again. If they are still open after we leave, you can give the man a couple of dollars to cover the cost.”

 

“Am I in trouble?” Duncan asks with a pout.

 

“No. You’re not in trouble. I know your heart was in the right place and you didn’t understand. Don’t do it again though or you will be because now you know you can’t pick those flowers. Understand?”

 

“Uh huh,” Duncan nods solemnly.

 

“Daddy?” Lily asks as she comes up to him with her flower held out in front of her chest as though it is a bouquet, “We should put my flower in water so it is stays beautiful forever and ever. Duncan gave me it. It’s special.”

 

Brian stares at her innocent and loving eyes and doesn’t even know what to say to that.

 

“I can go get her a small vase to put it in,” Justin says as he gets up then mutters, “You look like you are on the verge of an eye twitch. Protective much?”

 

Brian scoffs and goes to sit down next to Eric. Justin bends down to hug Duncan and give him a kiss on the cheek before going to get a vase for Lily. Duncan takes the opportunity to greet everyone he knows by giving them hugs. He greets Eric first and Eric of course makes a fuss over him and asks him what he’s been up to.

 

Then Duncan comes over to Brian.

 

“Hi, Brian!” Duncan says as he hugs his lap.

 

“I’m onto you,” Brian tells him as Duncan looks up at him with big eyes, “Courting my daughter right in front of me. Did you think I wouldn't catch on? You think you are pretty smooth, don’t you?”

 

Duncan only giggles in response.

 

“What are your intentions by giving my daughter a rose?” Brian asks him as he lifts him up onto his lap.

 

“I gave Lily a flower!” Duncan answers.

 

“That’s been established,” Brian says seriously, “But why did you give her a flower?”

 

“‘Cause I like her a lot! And it’s pretty like Lily’s pretty. Except Lily is prettier,” Duncan tells him seriously.

 

“Oh, my baby is such a romantic ladies’ man! I’m so proud!” Emmett sighs as he wipes a fake tear from his eye while Drew snickers.

 

“Is that what you are? A ladies’ man? Is that why you are courting my daughter?” Brian interrogates while he tickles the little boy.

 

“What’s...that...mean?” Duncan manages to gasp out and ask through his belly laughs.

 

“Brian, are you seriously having this conversation with a three year old right now?” Eric butts in, amused.

 

“I’m almost four!” Duncan reminds them, semi-offended.

 

“I know you are!” Eric says, feigning excitement, “You and Lily both have a birthday coming up in a little over a month. That’s exciting, huh?”

 

“Uh huh! Daddy and Pa said I could have a Star Wars party,” Duncan says, bouncing on Brian’s lap.

 

Brian clears his throat, “Duncan, we’re off topic-”

 

“Daddy, I’m thirsty,” Duncan interrupts as he hops off Brian’s lap and runs over to Emmett.

 

“And he’s gone,” Eric says before elbowing Brian in the side, “Oh, Brian. Their puppy love is adorable and innocent and here you are worrying about Lily’s virtue. I bet if it were a little Gus getting courted by another child, you would be proud of how in demand your son was.”

 

“It would be different if it would have been Gus,” Brian tells him slowly because he’s stating the obvious, “Gus is a boy. Lily is sweet and innocent and boys just aren’t built like that. They are after one thing and don’t care if they hurt someone. Believe me, I was the epitome of that.”

 

Eric snorts, “That’s so sexist.”

 

Brian shrugs. He doesn’t really care if it comes off that way. It’s true.

 

The rest of the night before dinner is filled with more adult conversation while the kids do their own strange thing. He can tell that Nathan and his friends aren’t used to being around kids. They’re young and probably don’t have plans for children anytime soon if at all so Brian gets that they feel a little weird about kids running around on a night where they thought they would just be hanging out. Carmen and Liam seem to like them a lot but they also look like they are closer to Justin’s age opposed to Nathan’s. But the kids do end up falling into the background and stop being attention seekers. They try to watch their language around them to an extent while they talk about Nathan’s band and how rehearsal is going, Justin’s upcoming show, the synagogue, and Emmett’s bridezilla client. Eventually they end up breaking off into groups to speak to each other. Nathan talks with his friends and Justin talks with Emmett, Drew, Eric, and him. They talk about Pittsburgh and how they miss it but none of them ever plan on moving back. They are all happy and have built full lives here for themselves. Drew proves that by mentioning the new event he and Emmett are constructing to raise awareness for the high percentage of foster children who need adopted in the city and Brian offers to do advertising for it for free.

 

“What’s the catch?” Emmett asks, suspicious.

 

“No catch. I’d just like to help,” Brian shrugs.

 

“Last time you organized an event for free, it was for Rage. And-....That is a story for another time,” Emmett finishes as he sees Eric sitting there and Justin shaking his head, “But fine. It would be great to have your help. Thank you for offering to provide it. Justin, speaking of Rage, have you and Michael started on the reboot issue yet?”

 

“We’ve sent each other notes back and forth and I’ve sent him some sketches of possible scenarios to have on hand. I’m going up to Toronto next week to meet with him and see the rest of the gang. We need to brainstorm in person. We’re trying to work things around to figure out where Rage and JT would be after a time jump,” Justin admits, avoiding his and Eric’s gaze.

 

“I’m sure you can figure it out,” Emmett says, breaking the tension, “Anything can happen in Rage. Goodness, anything can happen in life. Look at how everything’s turned out. Gay marriage is legal in several states, including New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania. Brian’s a full time father and getting married. You’re a famous artist with a sexy young partner of your own. Drew and I adopted a little boy. Ted just asked Blake to marry him last week! They want to get married right in good old Pittsburgh.”

 

“Ted proposed to Blake?” Brian asks as he perks his head up, "He must have forgot to tell me. What a dick."

 

"I wasn't supposed to say anything yet, to be fair, so don't tell him I told you. He is coming up to New York again in a couple of weeks for your Coca Cola campaign and planned on telling you, Eric, and Justin and Nathan if he got to see them. He isn't going tell the rest until he came in for the wedding in April."

 

"Well, he sure as hell better wait until Eric and I leave for the honeymoon to break his news. If he even thinks about directing the attention to his relationship at the reception I'll fire him."

 

Emmett breaks into laughter, "You are worse than some of my bitchiest brides. God forbid the attention leave you for one second."

 

Brian purses his lips and only says, "It's not his day."

 

"Brian Kinney is actually getting married. It's still hard to believe."

 

"He said yes when I asked him without any hesitation," Eric says a little defensively, "He was willing to get married before we met to Justin. It just took him a while to get to that point."

 

It takes Brian by surprise, to say the least, when Eric subtly brings up his first attempt at matrimony, especially with his ex-fiancé in the room.

 

"That came out wrong," Emmett says, putting his hands up, "What I meant was that we have all come a long way. I met Brian when we were 22 years old and still immersed in our wicked ways. It's strange to think that I have been friends with him for over 21 years. Comparing our lives back then to our lives now makes me feel disoriented. I never thought I would end up here. Having a child wasn't something I wanted until just a couple of years ago. Being around Lily, Gus, and JR played a big part in my change of heart. I am so happy with my life, even if I didn't expect this route at all. It’s probably a testament to how old I am. To how old we all are.”

 

Brian raises his eyebrow, “Speak for yourself, Honeycutt. I’m not old. I’ll never be old.”

 

Emmett laughs, “I’ve noticed a grey hair on you, Kinney. Especially when you had that cute beard. It was a fleck but it was there.”

 

“It just showed how distinguished I am.”

 

Emmett rolls his eyes, "Brian probably didn’t expect to take this route either back in the day but one look on his face and you can see that he’s never been happier.”

 

Brian glances over to Justin to see him looking down, hiding the sadness that Brian can easily see through because he still knows Justin as well as he knows himself despite the years of silence that occurred between them. If he and Justin were alone he might try to talk about it with him. See how he actually feels about everything since every time the subject has been brought up, in front of others or just between the two of them, he either stays silent or says generic well wishes and assures Brian that he’ll support him by being at the wedding. And Brian doesn’t want to say Justin is just bullshitting him. But he knows that Justin’s feelings are a lot more complex than he lets on. He knows that because it’s the same for him when it comes to Justin Taylor.

 

But he’s sure about one thing.

 

“You’re right,” Brian agrees, “I never have been happier.”

 

And even when he sees Justin blink the moisture out of his eyes before he excuses himself to check on dinner, he wouldn’t take back what he said. It’s the truth. He was happy with Justin and now he’s happy with Eric. Hell, probably even more happy since he has Lily too.

 

He doesn’t regret it. Not at all.

 

But when he looks at Justin, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t wonder what could have been. He wonders about that on a semi-regular basis. He can’t help it.

 

He doesn’t voice it. He keeps it hidden just like he used to with other emotions. He refuses to risk screwing up what he has now.

 

Justin's happy. He may be going through a lot right now but he is probably content. Brian's fucking great. What could have been isn't what's going to be and, when it comes down to it, that's the way he wants it. He wants friendship with Justin. He wants the man in his life, even if he has to keep himself in check around him.

 

Justin is still a great cook and even Lily and Duncan give their complements to the chef. Generational gap aside, the whole group gets along and he even manages to make conversation with Nathan. He and Justin are able to joke about things that happened when they were together and it doesn’t come off as weird and Eric and Justin are able to talk as though they don’t know practically everything about Brian extensively and come off as good friends. Lily and Duncan both giggle, flirt, and argue at the dinner table like the oddballs that they are. And he learns a few things about the rest of the table. Carmen and Liam announce that they are expecting a baby which their friends get excited about. He doesn’t get ecstatic over it, just like Emmett, Drew, and Eric don’t because they don’t know these people but hell, good for them. Nadia is teaching herself how to play the saxophone. Sebastian says she still needs a lot of work on and percussion will always be her field, which pisses her off. Petra still checks him out and all Eric can do is say, “He’s fucking hot, isn’t he?” to her. Whatever happened to good old fashioned jealousy?

 

He leaves with Eric, Emmett, Drew, and the kids around 7 since they have to be up for preschool tomorrow. Nathan tells them goodbye as Justin walks them to the door. Things are good. They are so good that Justin hugs them all before they leave including him. And his hug isn’t all that different. Maybe the rest of them didn’t notice the scent of Justin’s shampoo, the same he used for years, or the brief feeling of warm breath on his neck.

 

“I know you said something about talking to Molly about what was going on with everything but if you need a sounding board we can meet for lunch again soon,” Brian offers, ignoring the curious faces that Emmett and Drew are making.

 

“Yeah, that sounds good. Just call or text me and we can meet,” Justin says, forcing a casual tone.

 

“Later.”

 

Justin’s lips form a small smile at the words before closing the door behind him.

 

“We’re going to the same train station, aren’t we?” Drew asks, taking Duncan by the hand.

 

“We’re heading to Lorimer to take the G. You’re taking the L from there, right?”

 

“That we are!” Emmett exclaims before looking down at the kids, “Looks like you two get a few more minutes to talk before heading home for the night."

 

The six of them walk down the street and make plans to have Duncan Thursday evening so that Emmett and Drew can go to a fundraiser. It’s still strange that Emmett is the one who he makes plans with the most out of all of his friends. He knows he’s the closest in distance besides Justin so it makes sense but it’s jarring that their kids are best friends and that they arrange play dates and dinners and couples’ outings and fucking movie nights. It’s even stranger that he doesn’t mind it. Emmett may have been on to something when he said age made them all soft because in the back of his mind he can see his younger self laughing hysterically at the prospect while Emmett throws him disgusted looks.

 

“Wait,” Emmett says as he stops walking and looks down the street, “Duncan, was that the stand you got the flower from?"

 

Duncan looks at the ground and mumbles, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

 

“Come on then.”

 

Emmett holds out his hand for Duncan to take and Duncan shuffles his feet as he walks with his father while the rest of them trail behind.

 

“Sir?” Emmett calls out to an old man in the beginning stages of closing up the stand for the night.

 

“I’m about to close here. But if you would like to buy some flowers, I would be more than happy to assist you,” he says kindly.

 

“It isn’t that, but I would like to give you a couple of dollars. My son here picked one of your flowers on the way to our friend’s house for dinner. He didn’t understand that he wasn’t supposed to do that and had his heart in the right place but I also need to show him that he needs to be honest. What would cover the damages?” Emmett asks as he gets out his wallet.

 

The old man smiles as he bends down closer to Duncan’s level.

 

“Which flower did you like?” he asks the little boy, staring up at him.

 

“The blue one,” Duncan answers shyly as he starts to partially hide himself behind Emmett’s leg.

 

“And why’s that?”

 

“I wanted to give it to Lily because she’s the prettiest girl in the world!”

 

Brian slaps a hand to his face and shakes his head. He can see Emmett holding back the squeals that want to overwhelm him and Eric not quite managing to hold back laughter. He looks down at Lily and sees her blushing furiously but holding back what wants to be a huge grin. Jesus Christ.

 

The florist looks at Lily and gives her a grin and a wave.

 

“She is absolutely gorgeous. I can see why you like her. But my flowers come by the dozen! You only took one and left the rest. A girl like that deserves a lot of flowers.”

 

Duncan nods in agreement, wide eyed and taking everything in.

 

“Tell you what. I’m closing up shop for tonight and didn’t sell the bouquet you picked it from. I saw you do it but I knew a handsome fella like you was giving it to a nice girl. I’d like to see them go with someone so they won’t be thrown away. Why don’t you take them off my hands for me?”

 

Duncan smiles, “Okay!”

 

“Oh sir, that’s so nice of you but you don’t have to do that. Let us at least pay for them-” Emmett starts to offer.

 

The man waves him off, “What’s better than two kids in love?”

 

Brian starts to groan with that but Eric manages to shush him by pinching his side.

 

The man gets a bouquet of electric blue roses and hands them to Duncan.

 

“You give those to whoever you like or keep them for yourself. I know whatever you choose they’ll be appreciated.”

 

“Duncan, what do you say?” Emmett prompts.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Duncan immediately turns around and marches to Lily and hands the flowers over to her, completely smug and proud.

 

“Here you go!” he exclaims.

 

Lily gasps with delight, “Thank you!!!”

 

Their little girl jumps up and down and squeals with glee as they wish the man goodnight.

 

Lily and Duncan hug and don’t want to leave each other once they get in the station and he and Drew have to resort to prying the two away. Lily stays quiet due to the disappointment of leaving her friend as she cradles the flowers in her arms.

 

Eric sits her down in a seat when they see that they have seven minutes until their train comes and comforts her.

 

“You’ll see Duncan on Friday, baby. It will go by like that. And now you have Bianca and Vernon to play with at home.”

 

“Yeah. I know,” Lily answers as she tries to keep her chin up.

 

There’s nothing much else they can do so they just talk over her head and have their own conversation until they’re interrupted.

 

“Brian, what time is your meeting with-”

 

“HEY, LILY!!!!”

 

Lily’s head shoots up and they turn their heads as well only to see Duncan across the station on the other platform jumping up and down and dancing away.

 

Lily jumps up too and starts dancing like a fool as well as she giggles hysterically and waves.

 

“Kids,” Brian says as he rolls his eyes.

 

Eric looks at him and smiles, “I don’t know. Their love story is already giving a lot of couples’ a run for their money.”

 

Brian gazes at Eric before turning back to watch his daughter dance around and jump in place until their train comes.

 

Brian prepares himself for Lily to feel down again when they get on the train but all she does is sit in her seat with a goofy grin on her face, lost in her own thoughts. It’s obvious that those thoughts are about weddings with Duncan dressed as a prince and her dressed in a flowing rainbow dress as she rides on an elephant down the aisle or whatever her plans are.

 

She makes it look so easy. This whole love thing. For the longest time, he didn't want the marriage or the love or the monogamy or the 2.5 kids caged behind a white picket fence. Lily could grow up not wanting any of those things either. She could cast Duncan aside or maybe he would break her heart and move a few hundred miles away to pursue a career. Maybe she would have a string of boyfriends or girlfriends before choosing “the one” or whatever.

 

He always knew life would get harder as he got older. He knew there would be aches and pains, fading eyesight, less tricking opportunities, and wrinkles and gray hair. He didn’t expect “the one” and when his innermost thoughts used to tell him Justin was “the one” he didn’t expect to find another one after the first one left. The fact that he could say that he’s met “the two” is so fucking confusing.

 

He doesn’t want Lily to face confusion and heartache. While he does hope she finds another great love if the first one bails, he doesn’t want her to face the pain of losing the first one in the first place. He wanted that goofy smile on her face 24/7.

 

She’s not even four years old and it's ridiculous to think about all of this but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want her outlook changing anytime soon.

 

“I know you two lovebirds want to stay elegant and tasteful so black and white as part of your color scheme are givens. But you need a flair of color. I was thinking you could maybe do red or blue. Red would be more striking and red roses are easier to come across. If you want to go with blue, you could do dyed orchids. Or you can go with-”

 

“Roses are overdone and cliche. Do the blue orchids,” Brian tells Emmett while he checks his phone to see if Eric has texted him yet.

 

“Okay, bridezilla. I’m going to wait until your fiancè gets here,” Emmett says, hesitant to put in the order and information until the other half other couple got back.

 

“We’ve put off the finishing touches long enough. The wedding is a month away. He likes blue. Lily likes blue. It’ll be fine.”

 

Emmett rolls his eyes at Brian’s answer but obviously sticks to waiting for Eric to come home. In all honesty, Brian doesn’t really care about the flowers. He was telling the truth when he said that roses were cliche but the finishing touches didn’t matter to him. Yeah, he knows that he should want it to be perfect. But he also knows that the only thing he cares about is that Eric, his son, and his daughter are there. Of course he wanted his friends there but those were the three who mattered the most. He’s been with Eric for more than seven years. Besides, he knows him well enough to know that he liked blue more than red.

 

“Well, Eric picked out this dress for Lily last week,” Emmett tells him while he pulls up a picture on his laptop, “the seamstress can choose a shade of blue that is a close match to the flowers on display for the petals sewn on the bottom, for the sash, and for the headband. He has a similar one picked out for JR that’s more appropriate for an 11 year old. We’ve already bought Duncan’s suit and we’ll get him a tie that matches Lily’s dress since the ring bearer should match up with the flower girl. I know you are just wanting to do black but maybe Eric, Gus, George, Rick, and Michael will be interested in matching the decor.”

 

“I told you we’re not into the matching color correlation,” Brian mutters but looks over Emmett’s shoulder to remind himself of the dress again. Lily will look fucking adorable. For a minute, the image takes him away from his growing worry of why Eric hasn’t gotten back with him despite the fact he was supposed to be back over an hour and a half ago.

 

“Eric is on the Upper West Side overseeing the renovation of that old hotel, isn’t he?” Emmett asks, seeing the guarded look appear on Brian’s face, “Train traffic is sort of shitty around this time. Maybe he got hung up. You still can’t get service in a lot of spots underground.”

 

“Yeah,” Brian responds.

 

He knows he’s being paranoid but he feels like something is off. That he should be worried. He knows Eric. Eric is the responsible and rational one. The more thoughtful one. Brian knows Eric would let him know if he would be this late, especially since he knew Emmett was coming over so they could make their final decisions.

 

And he also knows Emmett is trying to distract him to keep him from overreacting. He doesn’t know if he should thank him or snap and say Emmett would do the same if he were in his position.

 

“I’m glad we agreed it would be for the best to have a joint birthday party for Duncan and Lily. I think they’ll be really surprised when they get to Central Park only to see their friends and a Carnival themed birthday party! I invited the children and family Duncan fostered with before we adopted him plus a few classmates so I think he’ll be excited about that. I also think the Carnival theme was a good compromise. It’ll be something they both enjoy, it will be less work and money overall, and it’s only one party instead of two. I won’t be loaded down with planning two birthday parties, your wedding, and all of my other projects for April. This spring has me almost burnt out. Maybe I’ll retire. ”

 

Brian smirks, “You can’t retire yet, Honeycutt. You still have to plan your own nuptials with Drew.”

 

Emmett scoffs and shakes his head, “No way. I am not getting married. It’s enough work to plan other people’s weddings let alone my own. Yeah, I would know what I want but I couldn’t oversee everything while the wedding went on.”

 

“Then hire someone else.”

 

“I don’t trust anyone else with my big day! They’d screw it up!”

 

“You just said you weren’t having a big day.”

 

“My hypothetical big day. Why are you trying to talk me into getting married anyway?”

 

“I’m not.”

 

Emmett’s gaze softens, “You want me to experience the ultimate married hetero life that you have oh so embraced. Brian, that’s so sweet.”

 

Brian lightly shoves his shoulder and lets out a small laugh, “You wish.”

 

Emmett laughs and looks down at his watch, “I think Drew said that bubble play ends at 7 so he should be back with the kids by 7:30. You want to do dinner here or go out somewhere?”

 

Brian suppresses a growl, “I don’t know. I need to know what’s going on with Eric first before I make any plans.”

 

Emmett nods, “Alright. Did you try calling his office to see if anyone was still there?”

 

Brian nods, “Yeah. No one answered.”

 

“I’m sure he’s fine, sweetie. Like I said, the trains get backed up on the weekends sometimes.”

 

Brian is about to retort that it shouldn’t make Eric two fucking hours late but he hears an engine purring outside of the house and he rushes over to the window to look through the glass. Outside, Eric is giving the taxi driver some cash before heading into the house. Brian walks over to the foyer so that he can meet him.

 

“Hey! Where have you been?” Brian asks as he turns into the hallway, “Emmett has been here for over an hour.”

 

“Sorry,” Eric tells him, looking away. Brian waits for Eric to elaborate but he doesn’t.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

Eric shrugs as he takes off his shoes, “Nothing.”

 

Brian walks over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder to turn Eric around. Something is wrong. He can see how fucking sad Eric’s eyes are as he looks away. He pulls him closer and can smell alcohol. It isn’t strong but it’s there.

 

“You been drinking?”

 

Eric sighs, “Just a few drinks. Is Emmett still here?”

 

Brian ignores the question, “Tell me what’s going on.”

 

“I told you it’s nothing,” Eric snaps, “We need to go talk to Emmett so we can have everything set, right? That’s more important.”

 

Eric brushes past him after that. What the fuck?

 

Right off the bat he can see that Eric is drunker than he is letting on. He doesn’t know if Emmett can tell but Brian’s lived with Eric so long that he can tell whenever Eric is feeling off, even about the smallest things. But Eric does approve colors, flowers, and tie patterns with a gruff affirmative noise and that’s that. His fiancè, the one who had been so excited to plan everything about their wedding that he had even gotten Brian excited in the process, was barely talking about the fact that everything was practically ready.

 

“Are you sure you are okay with everything you said yes to?” Brian mutters as Emmett excuses himself to get a glass of water, “You don’t seem happy.”

 

“It’s fine, Brian.”

 

Brian glares, “Why are you drunk?”

 

Eric glares back, “A few colleagues invited me out for happy hour at a bar uptown and I said yes. That a problem?”

 

Brian sighs and rubs his eyes, “No. But my calls went straight to voicemail.”

 

“My phone died.”

 

“I was worried about you,” Brian confesses before giving in and asking, “Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?”

 

Eric’s eyes become tender before he takes Brian’s hand.

 

“No, babe. It’s not you. I’m sorry I made you worry. I don’t want to talk about it in front of company though, alright? Don’t worry about it.”

 

“Too late for that,” Brian tells him, “Eric-”

 

“Drew and the kids are back!” Emmett calls out.

 

On cue, Brian hears the sound of little footsteps pattering towards the living room. Lily and Duncan come in, eyes bright and happy. Lily runs over to Eric and Brian is relieved when Eric melts and smiles for their daughter despite whatever is going on.

 

“Hey, baby!” Eric says as she hugs him, “How was the show?”

 

Lily, at a mile a minute while bouncing on her heels, answers him.

 

“Papa, it was the coolest show in the whole wide world! There were bubbles EVERYWHERE! There were big ones and little ones and colored ones and funny shaped ones. I loved it loved it loved it LOVED IT!”

 

Eric turns to Duncan, “Did you like it, Duncan?”

 

“It was cool!” is all Duncan says, “I liked the bubbles!”

 

“Well, those were raving reviews. You two should critique for the New York Times. I’m sure the show’s marketing team would appreciate it,” Brian remarks.

 

Eric smiles a little at the sarcasm and it makes Brian’s heart twinge with affection.

 

“Huh?” the kids ask, both confused by the suggestion.

 

“I’m glad you both liked it,” Eric tells them.

 

“I will take you and Daddy to see it very soon,” Lily promises as she goes over to Brian and gives him a big hug as well, “I have to go tell Bianca and Vernon about the show! Come on, Duncan!”

 

Lily races Duncan upstairs and soon they are out of sight.

 

“Emmett, can I talk to you for a second?” Brian asks his friend as he gets up.

 

Emmett nods, “Sure, Brian.”

 

Brian leads him into the kitchen and lets the door swing shut.

 

“I know it’s asking for a lot, especially of Drew since he just had the kids for a few hours on his own, but would you mind if you and Drew took Lily and Duncan out to dinner while I stayed here with Eric?”

 

Emmett looks at him, “You’re not asking for a lot. We love Lily, you know that. It’s not a problem. Is Eric okay? He seemed off when he came back.”

 

Brian shakes his head, “Something’s wrong. He won’t tell me while there’s people here. I need to know though and I don’t want Lily to overhear in case it’s something upsetting.”

 

“I understand. We’ll take the kids to Park Plaza for dinner and head down to Dumbo for ice cream. It’ll give you two some time. Let us know if there’s anything else we can do.”

 

Brian nods, “Hopefully it’s something he gets over pretty quickly. Let me go get some money from my wallet to cover her meal and dessert-”

 

Emmett waves him off, “Please, you’ve been paying me too much for the wedding already. I think I have twelve bucks to spare for her. Help me pry them away from the rats so that Drewsie and I can take them and be on our way.”

 

Brian walks with him upstairs and, Emmett was right, they do have to pry them away. But soon enough, they are lured in by the idea of food and comply.

 

“Why aren’t you and Papa coming?” Lily asks as Brian puts her shoes back on.

 

“Because Papa and I need to talk about some stuff.”

 

“You can talk in a restaurant. Duncan and I talk in restaurants,” Lily informs him as though her relationship with Duncan is on the same level.

 

Brian rolls his eyes before taking her head in between his hands and kissing her on the forehead.

 

“We need to talk alone. Without little kids around.”

 

Lily huffs, “I’m NOT little-”

 

“Lily, please. Papa and I will be here when you get back in a couple of hours. We might let you stay up even later after you get home if Emmett and Drew tell me you’re good.”

 

Lily’s eyes brighten at that and she stops with the inquiries and arguments.

 

Brian leads them downstairs and sees Eric getting up and going to the coat rack. He puts a hand on Eric’s shoulder and shakes his head.

 

“Emmett and Drew are taking them and we’re staying here. I’ll make you something if you’re hungry.”

 

“Brian, it’s-”

 

Brian gives him the sternest look he can muster. Eric stares back, sighs, then turns to Emmett and Drew.

 

“Have a good meal, guys.”

 

“Will do!” Emmett exclaims, “Now you and your husband-to-be take advantage of this time, you hear me?”

 

The four go out the door and walk down the steps, leaving Eric and Brian alone. Brian turns to Eric, puts his hands on his cheeks, and makes Eric look him in the eyes.

 

“Talk.”

 

Eric lets out a shaky sigh and pulls away, “It doesn’t matter, Brian. I don’t want to talk-”

 

“Don’t give me that. We’re partners. I need to know what’s got you in such a shitty mood.”

 

“I don’t want to think about-” Eric breaks off, voice trembling and his eyes filling up with tears.

 

“Hey…” Brian murmurs, “Hey, shhh. What’s going on?”

 

Brian brings him in for a hug and Eric sniffles into Brian’s neck.

 

“I’m so fucking pathetic,” Eric chokes out as his tears wet Brian’s neck.

 

Brian frowns, “What the fuck are you talking about? Don’t say that.”

 

Eric doesn’t answer so Brian leads him to their bedroom and makes him lie down. He gets in the bed behind his lover and holds him around his stomach.

 

“You need to tell me what’s going on. Right now.”

 

Eric’s breath hitches and Brian rubs slow circles into Eric’s skin until he finally speaks.

 

“I talked to George today. He called to ask if he could bring his new blonde surfer vegan hippie bimbo girlfriend to the wedding.”

 

“Another one?” Brian asks, raising an eyebrow, “No wonder you’re upset.”

 

Eric doesn’t laugh at the comment like Brian expected him to and just goes on, “I told him he could. He’s one of my best men and deserves to bring a date. I didn’t really care. I want my brother to be happy and, while she is probably just another notch on his belt in the long run, he seems to like her. That isn’t what’s wrong.”

 

“Then what is?”

 

Eric lets out a shuddering breath, “...I sent my parents invitations to the wedding.”

 

Brian frowns, “You didn’t tell me that.”

 

“I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I guess if they said no and no one knew, I could pretend I never invited them. But they never answered. Never called or wrote or sent a fucking email to even decline the invitation. So when George called, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked if they said anything about it. George doesn’t get nervous. He’s so blasè about everything but he was too fucking chicken to tell me what he knew about how our parents felt about me getting married. So I told him I would see him in a few weeks and hung up with him. Not knowing bugged me all fucking day. So I ended up going into a room in the hotel to call Amanda. She was busy with Julian and Carlos. Julian hasn’t turned two yet but he’s already hitting that stage and Carlos is only two months old so you know how that is. I wasn’t on the phone with her long but she was more forthcoming with what she knew. She didn’t want to be the one to tell me but she did let me know that Mom and Dad weren’t coming to the wedding. I...I got upset. Asked her to tell me what they said. She told me she didn’t talk to them much about it. She had tried to get them to consider going but they wouldn’t listen.”

 

Eric takes a shaky breath and Brian kisses his shoulder a few times in an attempt to calm him down.

 

“I should have stopped there. I should have accepted it and moved on. But I couldn’t. The more I tried the more pissed off I got. So I called my parents’ house. Mom answered. She claimed Dad was out playing golf. When she realized it was me, she became so guarded and cold. I tried to be nice. I asked her how she was doing and she would give me these clipped responses. Then she tried to excuse herself and before I knew what I was saying I asked her, “Why don’t you want me to be happy?”

 

Eric lets out a small sob and Brian lets his arms tighten around his partner.

 

“She told me she didn’t have time for silly conversations but I interrupted her and pointed out that I have been with you for seven years. That we were raising a beautiful little girl together that she barely knew because she and Dad didn’t want to be around us. That things have changed in the last decade and gay relationships are a lot more accepted now. I asked her again why couldn’t she just be happy that I was happy and s-support me. Up until I was in college, she was proud of me. And...she told me that...she told me that it was my business to be in a perverted relationship. She wouldn’t support my relationship but I was a grown man and she couldn’t stop me. But she won’t come to our sham of a wedding only to get her heart broken due to seeing her granddaughter in such an awful living situation. She told me that we were horrible parents for corrupting and confusing an in-innocent little girl and that we should be deeply ashamed of ourselves. I...I lost it. I cursed her out and yelled and cried. I know it didn’t help my case at all. She just hung up on me. Why would she say that? Why do they both hate me so fucking much? Why-”

 

Brian’s heart cracks when Eric lets go of his hands only to cover his face and sob deeply. Brian feels his own eyes get teary as he tries to comfort Eric only to realize that his partner was far too upset to calm down.

 

“Eric, don’t let that shit get to you. You know none of it is true. Hey, shhh...shhh, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay,” Brian whispers into his ear. He’s not sure if Eric hears him or not.

 

Brian gets up to come kneel beside the bed and pull Eric’s hands away from his face.

 

“Listen to me,” Brian tells him sternly, “Fuck her, alright? Fuck your dad too. They are ungrateful fucking bastards. They don’t know how fucking lucky they are to have a son like you. They don’t know how fantastic you are at being a father. They don’t know how happy Lily is. What she said is complete bullshit and you know that. Forget about them.”

 

“I can’t! I-I can’t-” Eric gasps out.

 

“Try. I hate them. I hate them so fucking much. You are such a loving and happy person but whenever you talk to them you get all fucked up and I want to beat the shit out of them every time it happens. Stop trying to get them to accept you. It isn’t your job,” Brian begins to rant without even thinking about it.

 

“I just want them to be happy for us,” Eric croaks out.

 

“We don’t need their happiness and approval. I’m happy for us. You’re happy for us too. That’s all we need. We don’t need them at our wedding for our relationship to be validated. Hell, we don’t even need a wedding at all. I’ll take you to the courthouse on Monday just to prove it to you.”

 

That does bring a small smile out of Eric, “I think Emmett would be pissed if we canceled it now just to run off and get married at City Hall. I guess we’ll just have to go through the whole wedding regardless.”

 

Brian smiles back but then gets more serious, “I mean it, Eric. It’s their loss.”

 

Eric nods, “I know that logically. I was just so fucking mad and devastated. A few of the construction workers caught on pretty quickly. Hardened, manly, native New Yorker boys. They asked me to tag along for some drinks and I didn’t even think about the time while I was there. I had a few drinks with them and we did a round of shots. They know I’m gay and seem fine with it. It’s strange, looking at them you would think they would make snide remarks but they don’t. The oldest one has a son who’s bi and a daughter who’s a lesbian so I think he may have educated the other workers on his team.”

 

“I’m glad you are meeting nice people,” Brian tells him, “Feel free to invite them.”

 

Brian leans forward and puts his forehead against Eric’s before kissing his tear tracks.

 

“Love you,” Eric mumbles as he nuzzles into Brian, “You make me feel so much better when I feel like complete shit.”

 

“What can I say? I am absolutely fantastic,” Brian drawls as he gets on top of his partner.

 

Eric lets out a small emotional laugh, “Yeah, you are. Show me how fabulous you are.”

 

Eric brings him down for a desperate kiss and Brian feels himself growing hard against Eric’s leg. He grinds into his fiancè and they both rid themselves of their clothes.

 

“Fuck me,” Eric rasps out, “I want you to fuck me hard.”

 

And who would Brian be if he ignored a request like that?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I feel bad about coming back so late. Especially since Emmett was here. I hope he’s not pissed,” Eric tells him, his head on Brian’s bare chest.

 

Brian shrugs, “He likes you more than he likes me, I think. The only thing that probably has him pissy is that he would have rather hung around with you than me.”

 

Eric huffs, “Emmett is crazy about you. We’ve been seeing him at least every week since we got here and you two go out by yourselves to bars every couple of weeks too. You hang out with him more than I remember you hanging out with Michael.”

 

Brian thinks about the last couple of years he and Michael lived in the same city. Shit. Eric’s right. Granted, when he hangs out with Emmett 75% of the time it’s for Lily and Duncan’s benefit but they have a great time together.

 

“You miss Pittsburgh? Being around your family?”

 

Brian shrugs, “Sometimes. I miss when I could see all of them whenever I want. I miss what Michael and I used to have once in a while. We text and talk on the phone a lot but it isn’t the same. I miss the diner and Debbie’s house.”

 

“You bought Debbie’s house so she could go stay in it when they went back to Pittsburgh to visit,” Eric points out.

 

“Yeah,” Brian admits, “It isn’t the same though.”

 

“I remembered wondering why you didn’t want to relocate to Toronto instead of New York,” Eric tells him, “I know that business was the best here but I figured if we moved again it would be closer to Gus.”

 

Brian shrugs, “It was the best for Kinnetik and I have enough money to fly up to Toronto or Gus down here whenever I want. I miss Gus when he’s not here and I thought about relocating the three of us to Toronto at one point, you know that. But I know Gus wants to come back to the U.S. after he graduates high school. He’s only a freshman so that could change but he’s talked about moving to New York ever since he was nine when I brought him here for vacation, just the two of us. I figure it’ll be nice for him to have a home base if he ends up going to college here. Besides, I like my life here. I have you and Lily.”

 

Eric smiles and kisses his cheek, “I love my life here too. I worried about the move. So much space in this city is already taken up. But business here has been good. If I need to build something grand then I can always take a trip and do it somewhere else and come back home to you.”

 

“Like you are doing in August by going to New Orleans for a whole damn month?” Brian asks.

 

Eric sighs, “I thought you were okay with that.”

 

“I am. I just think you need to reconsider since I know you’ll miss Lily,” Brian points out.

 

“Of course I will. Maybe I could take her-”

 

“No,” Brian interrupts, “Not for the whole month. I’ll bring her to see you and maybe you can have her for a week or two but not for the whole entire month. Last time you kept taking her on your projects abroad it ended up causing us to fight non-stop.”

 

“I remember that,” Eric reminisces, “You were so fucking pissed all the time and finally blew up at me when I literally came back just for a day. That was a busy six months. I jumped right back into work right after Lily’s first birthday and had things set up all over the US, Canada, and Mexico. I was barely home. I’m surprised you stuck around.”

 

“Love has made men do crazier things.”

 

“I’m glad you did. I can’t imagine a life without you in it.”

 

Brian can only take so much mush so he lightly shoves Eric off of him with an indifferent, “Yeah, same.”

 

Eric smirks at Brian’s response and says, “We should probably get dressed. Emmett and Drew should be back with the kids soon.

 

Brian groans, “I miss the days when I could walk around the house naked.”

 

Eric laughs, “I can tell. When Lily went to Emmett’s to spend the night last week your clothes were off as soon as they were out the door.”

 

“And I got you to take your clothes off too. That was a great day.”

 

Eric snorts, “Put your pants on, Brian.”

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Drew is holding Lily and Emmett is holding Duncan when they get back from Dumbo. Both kids look exhausted and Brian knows Lily won’t be staying up later like he said she could.

 

“They both enjoyed themselves,” Emmett says softly while Drew hands Lily over to Eric, “She got some ice cream on her dress so you’ll need to pre-treat it.”

 

“Got it. Thanks, Honeycutt.”

 

“Don’t call me Honeycutt,” Emmett answers fondly before heading out the door with Drew.

 

Eric heads up the stairs and Brian follows to get Lily into her pajamas and into bed. The little girl barely makes a peep until she is tucked in and says, “Night, Daddy. Night, Papa. Love you.”

 

And of course they tell her they love her back before turning on her nightlight and gently closing the door.

 

Brian can tell Eric is still upset about his parents. He lets Eric rest his head in his lap and Brian plays with his hair as they watch a movie. It’s so fucking domestic but it’s nice and he can feel the tension and heartache slowly leave Eric’s body as he gets more and more tired. He hopes sleep doesn’t bring Eric nightmares or distress of any sort due to the day’s events. He wants Eric to sleep peacefully. Maybe if he just sits here and keeps petting him, Eric will let what happened today go.