I entered the bedroom and Brian's haunting hazel eyes are immediately fixed on me. I'd gone to Ethan's to explain -well not so much explain- but discuss what happened earlier at the diner.

Apparently, Brian and Ethan had made their formal acquaintances when Brian dropped a hundred dollar bill into his violin case while Ethan was performing on one of the street corners of Liberty Avenue.

Knowing exactly who he was, Brian invited Ethan to join him for a cup of coffee under the pretense of a possible business opportunity.

Brian had no way of knowing what was going on between Ethan and me ....right?

I was able to convince myself of that up until I walked into the diner today to start my shift. I hadn't initially seen Brian sitting there with his guest, but once I had spotted him I started to approach the booth and was able to catch the tail end of their conversation.

"I should give you my card, my name is Brian- Brian Kinney and you are...." Brian asked but didn't really need the answer to the question; he just wanted a bit of the truth one he knew I would never give him.

Ethan stammered out a nervous , "E-Ethan- Ethan Gold."

Ethan had finally realized with whom he was sitting face to face with. This was his secret lover's not so secret boyfriend and he really didn't know how to handle it.

I hoped Brian couldn't see the guilt written on my face as I stood there staring wordlessly while he unnecessarily made introductions, me to Ethan and vice versa.

He didn't even try to hide the pain and anger he was feeling; it was like his eyes completely opened the door to his soul and allowed me to come inside.

What I saw scared the shit out of me and the guilt I felt grew in intensity with the realization that I'd hurt him so deeply.



"If you're the one the other two are in love with, you have the potential to break both their hearts."

I wasn't exactly sure what Ethan meant at the time he said it, but now I understand all too clearly. Brian wasn't the only one to suffer in this little fucked up equation, Ethan was losing something too. He was losing out on the chance to nurture what he felt was the love of a lifetime. In his mind he was offering me something Brian refused to give...a solid commitment. He wanted the candlelight picnics, quality time alone, and opportunities to express himself in ways he never thought he could. After a few more moments of uncomfortable silence, Ethan stood up and starting making his way to the double doors of the diner stating that he had to go to class.

"The job is yours if you want it," Brian offers smugly intentionally making it clear in no uncertain terms that he indeed calls all the shots, and would definitely have the last fucking word.

'He belongs to me asshole and you could never measure up' was clearly written on his face and I must admit it was fucking hot to see Brian so possessive and jealous (even though he'd never admit to it) Ethan slightly faltered in his step turned with a look of disgust then headed out the door.

"Brian..." I whisper his name, my voice so full of shame that it sickens me. I need to free myself of this burden, this indiscretion that I've fought so hard to hide. Brian doesn't afford me the relief I crave though.

"Not now Sunshine, I gotta get to work," He says taking one last sip of his coffee and getting up from the booth. Then he surprises me by pulling me in close and kissing me with such passion and abandon, that I literally go weak in the knees. When he breaks away from the kiss, he stands there just staring into my eyes. He keeps his gaze locked on me for a few seconds more before he speaks.

"Later," he says and before I can reply he's gone.

The conversation that followed once I got back to the loft was one I'd tried desperately to steel my nerves for. He was sitting in front of his computer pretending to work when I entered the loft. He acknowledges my presence by holding up a finger telling me to wait before he allows me to say anything. He presses a few buttons on his keyboard then folds his hands in his lap and looks at me indicating that I now have his full attention.

"I'm sorry..." I say hesitantly, but instead of his usual 'sorry's bullshit' Brian simply says, "What for?"

"You know what for," I state matter-of-factly. I go on to give him the bullshit excuse that I didn't mean for it to happen.

He looked up at me with a lopsided sarcastic smile plastered on his face and huffed out, "I know... you were the hapless victim of a love bashing."

This pisses me off and our little talk starts to get heated. There are mentions of cock sizes, dreamy eyes, and false declarations of love. I tell him that Ethan loves me in ways that he can't, he corrects me and says in ways that he won't.

"So what the fuck are you still doing here?" he breathes into my ear, holding on to me like he's afraid I'll runaway if he doesn't.

"Would you care if I wasn't?" I ask hoping like hell he gives me the answer I want... no need to hear. In the end, he tells me it's my decision where I want to be.

My visit with Ethan doesn't go much better.

"Your boyfriend is an asshole," Ethan screams out.

I tell him that I'm the asshole for sneaking around and lying. He puts a comforting hand on my shoulder trying to convince me otherwise, but to no avail.

Ethan doesn't know how dirty and tainted I feel every time I go home to Brian after fucking him. He doesn't know how I run to the shower to wash his scent off of me so that Brian won't find out about the secret I've been keeping.

He continues to rant for at least an hour about how he's not the solution to my problems with Brian, and that he can't be worried about the night I finally decide to stay.

"I want to stay," I tell him sounding almost desperate.

"Well you can't, you can stay so just go back to your boyfriend, and I'll go back to my music."

His words are painful to hear, but I know he's right. My place isn't here with him; my place is and always will be with Brian.

By the time I walk out of his shitty little apartment he's playing his violin with such anger and rage, that the music that is usually so beautiful and enchanting is now intolerable.



So now here I am stripping down and baring my soul under Brian's intense scrutiny. He pulls back the duvet silently answering the question he'd told me was my decision to make. We lay in companionable silence as Brian puts his arm around me and starts to stroke me lightly.

I breathe out a heavy sigh of relief and it's as if a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, like I've been forgiven and atoned for my sins but nothing could be further from the truth.

Brian moves closer nuzzling my neck and his warm breath against me feels so good that I can't stop the moan that escapes my lips.

Continuing his torture he begins to place a series of wet, open-mouthed kisses along my spine making his way back up to my collarbone his tongue tracing the rim of my ear.

He kisses the nape of my neck gently before he brings his head to rest between my shoulder blades and starts to fall asleep.

Damn.... I was sure Brian would fuck me into the mattress to remind me of what I almost lost, to claim me and show me who really had the control.

As I lay there silently wrapped in his arms I realize that the kisses and light touches weren't meant to be sexual, but an expression of all the feelings he couldn't put into words.

He surprises me the next morning by waking me with a warm slick hand on my cock and whispering softly in my ear.

"You still wonder if I'd care if you weren't here?"

I open my mouth to speak but my brain won't allow me to form the words. I want to tell him that I know he cared all along, that I just needed him to say the words out loud. When he doesn't hear a reply he continues to talk while he slowly jerks me off.

"Haven't I shown you in every way possible that I want you here with me, Justin," his voice is low and hypnotic.

I'm so lost in the sensations that I'm unable to do anything other than nod in agreement. I need to touch him so badly to feel him as close as possible, but he never allows me to touch him when he's like this because he wants me to listen instead.

"Tell me where you want to be Justin, where do you belong?" he whispers huskily. He's not asking a question but he is asking for my confession, as much as I needed to hear him say that he loved me he needs to hear me say that I am his.

I know gaining his trust back won’t be an easy road but it’s one I’m fully prepared to travel. Brian isn’t about just take my word that I won’t leave him again, he expects me to show him as well. So while he continues to expertly stroke my dick and kiss me with all the heat he can muster he waits for my answer.

“I want to be with you,” I tell him breathlessly my body desperately begging for release.

“Show me Sunshine; show me that I’m enough for you.” That’s all it takes and suddenly my orgasm washes over me as I feel the waves of pleasure wrack my body. I cum so hard and violently that it takes several moments for the shudders to cease.

Soon after it doesn’t take long for Brian to fall back into a peaceful sleep satisfied that he’s gotten his message across loud and clear.

Guilt still wracks me; knowing that I had lost all of Brian’s trust in me is something I can’t bare to think about. I can feel sleep gradually claim me as I close my eyes thinking that I’ve only just begun to suffer the consequences of my betrayal.