"Hey," Justin said as he answered his cell. He already knew who it was; only one person would call him at this time of night.

"Hey," Brian said.

"You home already? What, slow night at the club?" Justin teased.

"I left it in good hands. That's why I pay those people, so I don't have to always be there."

"Whatever," Justin laughed. "You probably couldn't find anyone you hadn't already had."

Brian ignored the jab. "Some time it sucks to be me." Brian said softly, letting a little more of his melancholy mood show through then he had intended. "So how's the art world?" he asked quickly, needing to change the subject.

"I wouldn't know. I just get to look in from the outside."

"Only time, Sunshine. It will all change for you soon."

"I dreamt about you the last couple of nights." Now it was Justin's turn to change the subject.

"What? You dreamt about my cock?"

"No," he giggled. "These are like the dreams I used to have years ago, when I was in the hospital… after the bashing."

"What's the dream?" Brian asked; the conversation had turned serious.

"That you were here, standing outside my window, watching over me. I remember when I was in the hospital; I would have the same dream every night. In my dream, I was scared, alone. Then I'd see you standing outside my window looking in, watching me. And I'd know everything was okay. Every night it was the same dream. I guess I just wanted you there so bad…. And now, I guess it just means I miss you."

"Maybe it wasn't a dream," Brian said.

"What? Don't tell me Rage has finally gone to your head and you think you have supernatural powers," Justin chuckled.

"Maybe I was there," Brian ignored the joke, "at the hospital."

"Maybe you were, or you were?" Justin asked.

Brian sighed. When he finally spoke, his voice was a whisper. "I would come there after Babylon closed. Stand outside in the hall and watch you sleep until the nurses would change shifts. I knew that your mother would be there soon after that and I couldn't bear to see the look on her face. Not after the way she looked at me that first night, after the prom. So, I would go home, get a couple hours of sleep, then go to work."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I don't know; I was chicken shit. After awhile, I figured you already knew. I assumed your mother told you."

"How did she know - you said you left before she got there every morning."

"Yeah. I didn't know she knew until later. The nurses told her."

"Is that why you never came to see me? Because of her?" Justin asked.

"Maybe... partly I suppose. Because I was too piss in my pants afraid to face her. But I was afraid to face you too, maybe more," Brian's voice sounded so sad. Justin knew he was seeing a side Brian rarely showed.

"Afraid to face me? Why? Brian, it wasn't your fault."

"Ah but it was, Sunshine. It was. I was the adult. I should have known better. I had been living in my own little gay world on Liberty Avenue and I forgot what it was like in the real world. I forgot what it was like to be gay and in high school. I knew, but I had forgotten."

"Brian, Chris Hobbs hated me. He may very well have planned to bash me all along, before you even showed up."

Brian snorted, "I doubt that."

"What? It's not possible that all his hate was directed toward me? You think if you had stayed home that night it would never have happened?"

"I think my coming there and dancing with you... Yeah, I think if I had stayed home that night it would never have happened."

"It wasn't your fault, Brian. Even if our dancing did incite him, he still had no right... there was nothing wrong with me dancing at the prom with my boyfriend."

"Some wouldn't see it that way," Brian said.

"I think it's more about your view of yourself. Long ago you decided you weren't worthy of receiving love. And just when you do something to express your feeling, something bad happens, so of course it's your fault. A punishment for you because you even tried to be happy."

"That's such bullshit," Brian said. "And who said I was expressing my feelings? It was just a dance." And just like that, the walls were back in place.

"Whatever..." Justin sighed, knowing when not to push things with Brian.

"You still don't remember it, do you?" he whispered.

"What?" The question took Justin by surprise. Maybe the walls hadn't gone back up after all.

"Our dance... you still don't remember it?"

Justin sighed, "I wish I did. Sometimes I have flashes of memory. But, honestly, I'm not sure if they're real or just what people have told me."

Brian was silent.

"I'm sorry..."

"No. There's nothing for you to be sorry for," Brian interrupted.

"But..."

"No."

"I still wish."

"...Yeah, I do too."

"So, when are you coming back here? I miss you."

"Hmmm...well, the weekend after next is looking promising."

Justin was at the airport. Brian had told him not to bother meeting him; he would take a cab and pick Justin up at his apartment. At first Justin had agreed, but then decided he couldn't wait that long. So here he stood waiting for Brian's plane to land, overnight bag in his hand.

He knew something was wrong the minute he saw Brian come through the gate. First, he was drunk. Brian usually held his liquor well, and if you didn't know him you'd never be able to tell, unless of course he was falling down drunk, which rarely happened anymore. Justin took one look at Brian and could not only tell that he was drunk, he was pissed too. They had spoken on the phone only hours before Brian's plane was to depart. Something must have happened between then and now.

"Sunshine." Brian's voice had an edge to it.

"Brian."

"What are you doing here? I thought I was picking you up."

"I know, but I couldn't wait. How was your flight?"

Brian slung his arm over Justin's shoulders. "Let's just say is was very enlightening."

Justin's mind began to race. He couldn't think of anything that he had done that would cause Brian to be pissed. "Brian?"

"Not here, Sunshine," Brian said as he directed Justin through the busy airport and out the door into the muggy New York air.

They got into one of the waiting cabs and Brian gave the driver the name of the hotel he had chosen. He refused to stay in Justin's apartment on these visits and really, Justin couldn't blame him. The apartment was small, dank and shared with three other starving artists. But it was all Justin could afford. He refused to take any money from Brian and he was trying to stretch his money from Rage as far as he could.

Justin looked at Brian, noticing the tension in his jaw. "Brian..." he began.

"Not yet," Brian said as he laid a finger across Justin's lips. "Wait."

Justin nodded. Both men turned looking out the window at the city going by.

Finally the cab pulled up in front of the hotel. Brian paid the driver and the two men got out.

Once they had checked in and were up in their room, Brian went straight for the mini bar. Justin took a seat in one of the chairs and waited.

He watched as Brian opened a little bottle of Chivas and poured a couple of fingers into a glass. He downed it in one swallow then turned, eyeing Justin. Finally he spoke. "How the fuck do you know Kip?"

"Who?" The question caught Justin totally by surprise.

"Kip, the guy who filed a sexual harassment suit against me when I worked for Ryder. Hell, did I even know you then?"

"Yeah, you knew me... but what brought this up?" Justin could see where this was leading, but he still wanted to know how Brian had found out.

"You'll never guess who was seated across the aisle from me."

"Kip." It wasn't a hard question.

"Ding, ding, ding. You win the prize. And guess what he asked me? He wanted to know if my blackmailing blond boy was still doing my bidding. Now what the fuck could he have been talking about? Any ideas, Sunshine?"

"Brian..."

"Care to explain?" Brian interrupted.

"You were in trouble. I had to do something."

"You did? Now, why would that be?" Brian broke the seal on another miniature bottle.

"Because, you could have lost everything; your job, your loft... I had to at least try to do something."

"And just what exactly did you do?"

Justin sucked in his bottom lip and looked down at his feet.

"Justin?" Brian was waiting.

Justin sighed, resigned to his fate. "I let him pick me up, take me home. Then when he was blowing me, I told him I was seventeen, and if my dad found out he'd have him thrown in jail. I agreed to not tell my dad if he dropped the suit."

Brian frowned. "But seventeen is the age of consent; your father couldn't have pressed charges."

"So," Justin shrugged. "Kip isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. It worked."

Brian chuckled and shook his head, the anger draining away. "You shouldn't have done that, you know."

Justin shrugged again.

"So are there any other times you secretly saved my ass?"

"Oh, more than I could count," Justin said with his signature smile lighting up his face.

"You know you'll have to be severely punished," Brian said in a low gravelly voice.

Justin's skin flushed with anticipation. "Yeah?" he asked in a throaty whisper.

"Oh yeah. Now get your blackmailing blond boy ass over here and strip. I want you naked and face down on that bed."

Justin smiled. He was only too happy to take his punishment.

Justin was sitting at his computer reading his email. It was a lazy afternoon in the middle of the week and he really should have been working on a project, but today he simply wasn't in the mood. Or maybe it was that he was in the wrong mood. He was homesick, plain and simple. He hated feeling that way, like such a baby, but he couldn't help it, he missed Pittsburg.

He was reading an email from Emmett. Of all his friends back home, Emmett was the most faithful with his communication. Daphne emailed fairly often, but with her college classes she didn't always have the time. Brian and he emailed, but not the chatty kind like he got from Emmett. Emmett would go on and on about all the latest gossip and keep him up to date on anything going on at Babylon, the diner, or anywhere else on Liberty Avenue.

Justin was almost to the end of Emmett's email when his Instant Messenger popped up saying Brian was online. It was a little early for Brian to be home, and he seldom logged on from work.

The IM screen popped up over Emmett's email.

BrianKinney: Hey

Justin typed in his answer.

BlondBoyAss: Hey

BrianKinney: Have you noticed how small the world is getting?

Justin smiled.

BlondBoyAss: *L* I don't know, New York seems pretty f'ing big. Why? What's up?

BrianKinney: Well, first I run into Kip on my flight a couple weeks ago, then today you'll never guess who I ran into at lunch?

BlondBoyAss: Um, I don't know, I give. Who did you run into?

BrianKinney: Ian.

BlondBoyAss: ??? You mean Ethan?

BrianKinney: Yeah, the fiddler himself.

BlondBoyAss: Where?

BrianKinney: The Diner.

BlondBoyAss: No way. He hated that place.

BrianKinney: Whatever, he was there today. Looked like a bunch of PIFA people with him.

BlondBoyAss: Don't tell me he came over and talked to you.

BrianKinney: Like I said, the world is getting very small.

BlondBoyAss: OMG, What did he say?

BrianKinney: Duh! He asked about you.

BlondBoyAss: What did you tell him?

BrianKinney: That you were taking NY by storm. But I think he really wanted to know if we were together.

BlondBoyAss: And? What did you tell him?

BrianKinney: I told him I had just gotten back from seeing you, and that Yes, we were still together.

BlondBoyAss: Did he shit his pants, right there?

BrianKinney: He didn't seem surprised. Listen, I gotta go. Client here. Later

BlondBoyAss: Later

Justin sat staring at his computer screen for a few minutes. He hadn't thought about Ethan for months. It all seemed like a lifetime ago. He had changed and grown so much since those days. He wanted to groan when he thought back to that time, how he had fallen for Ethan's pretty words when Brian had seen right through them.

Later that night the fiasco with Ethan was still on his mind. That is how he thought of it now, the fiasco. The ring of his cell phone brought him from his thoughts. "Hello."

"Hey," Brian's low voice always sounded so good in Justin's ear.

"Hey," Justin answered. "How was it with your client?"

"Hmm? Oh, fine. How's your project coming?"

"Fine." Justin hoped Brian's client was in better shape than his project, but there was no point discussing it.

"Brian…" Justin started.

"Hmm?"

"I ah, I never…" he sighed, not sure how to put his thoughts into words. "About Ethan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I hurt you."

Brian paused for a beat, the said, "You don't have anything to apologize for. You were always free to leave, still are. There are no locks on our doors."

"Yeah, but I fell for all his bullshit. Why didn't you tell me it was all lies, all a façade?"

"I tried, but some things you have to learn for yourself. You thought that was what you wanted. There's no shame in that. It's a fairy tale we're told from the time we're lying in our cradles and our mothers are reading us Snow White and Cinderella. We're all brought up to believe that we should grow up, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. We have to find out for ourselves what a load of crap that is. I could have told you, but you wouldn't really know until you tested it out for yourself."

"So you loved me enough to let me go?"

"That's not how most people saw it. I think the more popular opinion was that I wouldn't give you what you wanted."

Justin winced realizing that was what Brian finally did just months ago, only for Justin to decide it wasn't really what he wanted after all. Or was it? He shook himself from that line of thinking. "I still should have seen through his smoke and mirrors."

"You were young."

"And dumb."

"More like naive."

"So how did he look?"

"Who? Ian?"

"Yeah? How did he look?"

Brian chuckled. "Why? You thinking of reviving the fantasy?"

"What? Augh. No. I just wondered, you know… was he with anyone?

"He was with a whole group of people… I don't know, Justin, I really didn't notice."

"Yeah, you wouldn't."

"No, I wouldn't."

"So," it was time to change the subject. "Where are you right now?"

"Lying on the sofa, waiting for you get quit talking about Ian so we can have us some phone sex."

"Ah, okay… hang on… I'm getting undressed."

"Hey," Brian said into the phone. He was sitting at his desk at Kinnetic

"Hey, what's wrong?" Justin asked.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" It was in the middle of a bad day and Brian wanted to hear Justin's voice.

"I can tell. Spill."

Brian sighed. "Next weekend isn't looking too good." The plane tickets lay on his desk. They hadn't seen each other in almost six weeks; too long as far as Brian was concerned, and now it looked like it would be longer.

"Oh," Justin tried to hide his disappointment.

"I just got off the phone with Kevin, the guy that manages Babylon for me on week nights."

"And?"

"He has some emergency in his family and is flying back to where ever the fuck he's from."

"And?" Justin wasn't following exactly how this would affect their weekend.

"So I need to stay here and take care of Babylon."

"What about Ted?" He usually covered the place for Brian on the weekends he went to New York.

"Ted is going to have to work the week nights, plus working here. I can't expect him to cover the weekend too. I'll be working him half to death as it is."

"Oh."

"There is one way…"

"What?"

"You could come here."

Justin sighed. "I can't afford it, especially on this short notice."

"But I can."

"No. I've already told you a million times, I'm not going to take your money."

"I'm not offering you money. I'm offering you my plane tickets. Trade them in on a flight back to the Pitts. It will still cost you, but a fraction of what it would otherwise."

"Oh… Well… Okay."

"Great. I'll overnight the tickets to you."

"I haven't been back since Christmas."

"Well, then it's way past time. I gotta run. Call me tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Later."

"Later."

=============================================

The first thing Justin saw when he came through the gate late Friday night were Brian's hazel eyes. He stopped for a moment to watch Brian's gait, his sleek form, his gorgeous hair, his….

"Hey," Brian said, walking up to where Justin stood.

"Hey."

"I gotta get back to the club," Brian said, throwing an arm over Justin's shoulder to get him moving.

"Oh, yeah. Of course." Justin shook himself from his reverie.

The rest of the night was spent at what Justin would always consider his second home, or maybe his third. The lights, the thumpa-thumpa; sure, New York had some great clubs, and really this couldn't even compare to the nightlife there, but still, this was where Justin had grown up. Babylon would always hold a special place in his heart.

The next day when he opened his eyes, he saw Brian's sleeping body next to him. He gazed around the room; he was home. That was the only way he could describe it. He tried not to think of the loft that way, but he couldn't help it. New York was not his home, not yet.

He stretched and felt a familiar soreness from a night spent making love with Brian. Okay, Brian would say they spent the night fucking, but it was making love to Justin.

"Hey."

Justin turned to see Brian watching him from his pillow.

"You looked like you were lost in thought," Brian said.

"Hmm, just thinking about how much I miss this place."

"Only cause your place is such a dump," Brian snarked, then leaned over and kissed Justin on the nose. "I'm going to go take a shower, coming?" He knew better than to let Justin travel down the path of nostalgia. Nothing good would come from it.

Brian stood under the spray with his eyes closed. He heard the shower door open, then close. He felt Justin's warm body press up against his. Justin's hands snuck around his waist and slid down to cup Brian's cock. Brian let his head fall back, enjoying the feeling of Justin so near.

"Turn around," Justin whispered in Brian's ear.

Brian turned to face Justin, his eyebrow cocked. "Bossy little bottom, aren't you?"

Justin smirked and slid down to his knees. He cupped Brian's balls in his left hand, taking Brian's dick in his right. He leaned in and licked a lazy circle on the skin near Brian's sac.

Brian let his eyes fall shut and let his body lean back against the wall of the shower. He felt Justin's tongue snake its way around his balls and up to his throbbing cock. Justin licked up the length of Brian's dick until he reached the tip; then he put his lips over just the head. Taking his tongue, the bathed the head of Brian's cock giving special attention to the slit.

Brian let out a low moan as Justin slid down onto Brian's cock, taking it all the way into his mouth. His tongue swirled at the base, then Justin opened up his throat and allowed Brian to slide even further in. He swallowed around Brian and a felt strong hand tugging at his hair. He took his right hand and slid it around to cup Brian's ass, pulling him in even further. Justin could feel Brian's sac tighten in his hand and knew he had him right where he wanted him. He let his left hand find its way to Brian's hole and circled the sensitive skin, then pushed inside while swallowing around Brian one more time.

Brian shouted out as his orgasm took him. His knees buckled and he had to brace his hands on Justin's shoulders to keep from sliding to the floor.

Justin waited until Brian had recovered the strength back in his legs, then stood up and kissed Brian tenderly.

"That was hot," Brian said.

Later that afternoon they were lounging on the futon watching an old movie.

"You know," Brian started during a commercial break. "I was thinking about that whole thing with Kip the other day, and I thought of another time you saved my ass."

"Yeah? When was that?"

"John."

"Who?"

"My nephew."

"Oh."

"Yeah, what was up with that? How did you know he had my bracelet?" Brian asked.

Justin sighed. "I didn't. I over heard him telling you that he went to the arcade after school when you had him in the diner. I went there to see if I could reason with him. He had the bracelet on. I knew it was yours, but I didn't know that it would help your case until I told Deb and she told Carl. He said that it corroborated your story that you caught him stealing money from your wallet. I suggested to Carl that we confront him again. I had a feeling he would admit he was lying if they would just push him a little. He was just a scared little kid."

"So you went over there with Horvath?"

"Yeah, and Debbie. Horvath asked him about the bracelet and he tried to lie, but Clare called him on it. She could tell I guess, or maybe she knew all along you would never… anyway, he admitted that he made it up."

"Sunshine saves the day."

Justin shook his head. "I really didn't do much. I wanted to do more, but…"

"I don't know what else you could have done."

"I wanted to get your pig headed sister to see what a homophobic bitch she was, and how she was raising her kids to be the same way."

"Yeah, well good luck with that."

"God, Brian. I can't imagine. I mean my dad has been an ass, but I still have my mom and my sister."

"And poor Brian doesn't have anyone? Doesn't matter. If your family ends up being for shit, you make your own family."

"Debbie."

"Yeah, and Vic and Michael."

"I'm glad they were there for you."

Brian reached over and pulled Justin closer. "And you."

"Me?"

"You're my family too."

"Oh." Justin leaned in for a kiss.

"Yeah… I have all I need. Right here."

"And when I'm in New York?"

Brian placed Justin's hand over his heart. "You're still right here."

"God. My fucking roommate." Justin was queening out like only he could.

"What did she do now?" Brian asked. He was sitting in his loft in front of the television. He always hated how empty the loft was when Justin wasn't there.

"Nothing... Everything... She's just so..." Justin sighed.

"Women," Brian quipped. "Can't live with 'em..."

"Shut up," Justin laughed.

"No one can piss you off quite like a women."

"No. Actually no on can piss me off quite like you."

"Me? What did I do?"

"Hmmm, How do you enrage me? Let me count the way."

"Smart ass."

"You love my ass."

"So, what have I done to rate being on the top of your list of people that piss you off?"

"Seriously. Like you have to ask," Justin said.

"Seriously, I want to know."

"Well, I think the maddest I've ever been.... And I'm talking full out anger here, not hurt or disappointed. I mean full blown pissed off was when you told Ethan to sign the recording contract."

Brian was silent.

"And it took me awhile to even understand why you did that. Then finally it hit me - your friends had become my friends and then we broke up and they stayed my friends and that was okay; but then they accepted Ethan too. So, when you heard he had turned down the contract for me, you saw a way to get even with me."

"To get even with you? You think that was all about vengeance?" Brian was more than a little put out by the insinuation.

"Yeah, I do," Justin challenged.

"What? So I could woo you back once he was gone? Did you see me trying to get you back? Did you see me stalking you, trying to win your heart again?"

"No, but-"

"But nothing. I wasn't interested in paying you back, whatever that means, or ruining your happy home."

"Then why?"

"I just hate to see anyone sacrifice their career because they think they're in love."

Justin was silent, mulling over Brian's words. "But you hated Ethan."

"Says who? Honestly, I didn't even know the guy."

"So you completely fucked up my life because you thought he was making too big of a sacrifice?" Justin asked. He was still confused.

"Whoa, I did not fuck up your life. If Ian couldn't live up to your expectations, then that had nothing to do with me. Besides were you really all that happy? Really?"

Again Justin was silent. Of course he hadn't been all that happy. "So it had nothing to do with me?"

"Nope."

"At all?"

"Well, seriously, if he wanted to keep you he needed to not turn down any money making opportunities. Hell, just feeding you costs a small fortune."

"You are so full of shit." Justin couldn't help but laugh.

"Whatever.... What do you have planned next Wednesday?"

"Wednesday? I don't know, why?"

"Just wondered. Keep it open, okay?"

"Okay, sure. Does that mean you'll be in town?"

"It means, if you're good, I may take you to dinner."

"Hey," Justin answered his cell phone Wednesday afternoon.

"Hey, where are you?"

"Working at my studio. Where are you?"

"About a half an hour a way. I hope you brought a change of clothes, I'm not taking you out to eat with paint all over your clothes."

"Yeah, but I need to shower, can we stop by your hotel first?"

"Yeah, sure."

"So why are you in town? A conference? A client?"

"No. Just for you."

"Me? You flew all the way here just to take me to dinner?"

"Actually I flew into Baltimore. I drove from there to take you to dinner."

"Baltimore? What's there?"

"Johns Hopkins."

Justin's stomach hit the floor. "Brian?"

"Just an annual check up, Sunshine."

"And?"

"I won't know for sure until next week when the labs come back, but the doctor said everything looks fine. He said he saw no reason to expect anything."

Justin let out his breath. "Oh good."

"Listen, I'm getting into some heavy traffic. I'll see you in a while."

"Okay, later."

"Later."

Three and a half hours later after a shower and hot sex in the hotel room, Justin and Brian sat at one of Brian's favorite restaurants.

"Brian?" Justin asked over their entrée. "I want you to promise me something."

Brian's eyebrow went up.

"I want you to promise me, if the cancer ever does return, you'll tell me."

Brian shook his head. "No."

Justin sat his fork down. "No? What do you mean, no?"

"I mean no. I won't promise you that." Brian continued eating.

"Why not?"

"Because if the cancer does come back who knows where you'll be, where I'll be. There are too many other factors. You may be with some one else. Who knows? So, no, I can't promise."

"But Brian, no matter where I am or who I'm with, I'll always love you. You and I will always be at least friends no matter what."

"That's sweet, Sunshine, but no."

"Why?"

"Because, you would drop everything and run back to take care of me."

"So?"

"I couldn't have you do that. I couldn't have you sacrifice everything for me."

Justin sat watching Brian as he continued with his meal.

"And pouting about it isn't going to change anything so just pick up your fork and eat."

Justin grinned "It doesn't matter, Debbie and Michael have never been able to keep a secret so I'll find out anyway."

"Whatever."

"Hey Sunshine," Brian said into his cell phone after checking the caller ID

"Hey," Justin said, sounding a little despondent and more than a little drunk.

"What's up?" Brian asked.

They hadn't seen each other since Brian's trip to New York via Baltimore; that was almost three months ago.

"This sucks," Justin slurred.

"What are you talking about, and where are you?"

"I'm talking about you being in Pittsburg and me being here- and I'm sitting at the apartment." Justin refused to call the dump he lived in 'home.'

"Did something happen today? You sound as if you've been celebrating."

"No. Nothing happened and it's more like drowning my sorrow. I haven't sold a painting in like forever and you've been too busy to come here and I'm sick of missing you all the time."

"Hey now, we got through it all just fine when you were in L.A.," Brian said, trying to cheer Justin up.

"L.A. was different," Justin said.

"How so? It was further from the Pitts. We didn't see each other at all for what . . . almost six months?"

"Yeah, but I always knew I'd be coming home. It had a begin date and an end date."

"An end date that kept being extended and then there would have been other offers, other projects," Brian said.

"What are you talking about? I was going to work on Rage and then come home. There was no talk of other projects."

"I imagine you had all kinds of offers," Brian snarked, implying the innuendo.

"You didn't think I was coming back?"

"Honestly? No. I didn't think you would be coming back."

"I never had any plans to stay longer than to work on Rage. If I had been offered another project I would have turned it down."

"Well, that would have been stupid," Brian said.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. It pisses you off when someone sacrifices their career for something they think is love." Justin sighed. "I love you Brian, I want to be with you. What's so hard about that?"

"And yet you keep walking out the door." Brian's voice was low, barely above a whisper.

"What?" Justin was getting pissed now. "I only walked out the door when you shoved me through it."

"Yeah, yeah, that's right, blame me," Brian growled back. "I don't live up to your expectations so you bolt. Well, I've got news for you, Sunshine, your sights are too high. You're never going to find that perfect guy, because he doesn't exist."

"Well, at least I'm looking, not hiding out, too piss in my pants afraid to feel anything for anyone. Afraid to even try."

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you, too," Justin shouted and hit the disconnect button, then threw his phone across the room.

"Fuck," he muttered to himself. How the hell had that happened? He had called Brian to tell him he missed him, not to pick a fight.

"Augh, my life is so fucked up," he sighed, standing up on wobbly legs. He stumbled to his bedroom and collapsed onto his bed.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Brian muttered as he closed his phone. Sighing he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door to go to Babylon. He had let his night manager have the night off.

It had been four days since they had had the blow up on the phone. Justin had been beside himself. He wanted to call and apologize but knew how much Brian would hate that. He knew he couldn't just call and act like nothing happened, so he waited, hoping Brian would call him.

Finally when he was sitting at home, his nose in a book, his cell rang, Brian's name on the ID.

"Hello." Justin had no idea what to expect.

"Hey," Brian answered. "The police think they have the guy that was behind the bombing."

"What? You're kidding. That's great."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So, who was it?"

"I don't know, some right wing fanatic. Thinks since all fags are going to hell anyway, there's no harm in helping a few get there earlier."

"I don't understand people. How can they take a religion that is based on love and then twist it to be so full of hate?"

"I have no idea, that's why I stay the fuck away from church. Nothing but a bunch of hypocrites."

"Listen, Brian -"

"It's okay," Brian interrupted. He paused, then lowered his voice, "I miss you too."

"So why are we apart?" Justin dared to ask.

"Because, this is the way it has to be."

"But- "

"No, buts. Listen, I just wanted to tell you the news," Brian voice had turned raw, full of regret.

"Wait, Brian?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just... Yeah," he whispered.

"Brian?"

"Just been thinking about that night… of the bombing. I thought that... If anything had happened to you."

"Nothing did though, I'm okay."

"I... ah... I need to go. I'll talk to you later."

"Brian?"

"I'm okay. I just… I need to go."

"Okay, later."

Justin hung up and sat thinking. How had they gotten here? After all they had been through and all they had felt for each other. It was then that Justin made a decision; he was miserable, Brian was miserable; it was time to take matters into his own hands.

"Buy me a plane ticket home?" Justin asked. It was two weeks since their talk about the bombing. They had stayed in touch, but had kept the conversations light, nothing dramatic.

"Really?" Brian was sitting in his office going over a campaign a new hire had been working on.

"Yeah."

"But you said-" Brian started.

"Never mind what I said. Will you? Please?"

"Sure. When do you want to come?"

"As soon as I get there," Justin smirked.

 Brian chuckled. "Smartass. When do you want your plane to leave New York?" he clarified.

"Thursday?"

"This week? The thirtieth?"

"Yeah, is that okay?"

"Sure. Can I ask why you've suddenly decided to come for a visit and are letting me finance it?" Brian asked.

"It's not really all that sudden. I've been wanting to see you for awhile."

"Fair enough. How long do you plan to stay?"

Justin hesitated, "… a week?" He felt bad lying to Brian, but he knew there was no way Brain would agree to this if he knew the truth. Originally he had planned to pay for it all himself but to do that meant having to save up for another couple of months and it was Brian's fault he was in this mess anyway. Well, it wasn't like Brain couldn't afford it.

"Okay, I'll have Cynthia book the tickets and email you the itinerary."

"Thanks. I'll see you Thursday then."

"Yeah, Thursday it is."

"Later," Justin said.

"Later."

=================================================

Thursday night Brian was at the airport waiting to see Justin's blond head come through the gate. He hated to admit how much he had missed seeing Justin, and how hard it had been to stay away from New York, but he felt he had to give Justin a chance to make a life for himself. Justin wasn't going to let go and move on if Brian kept hanging around.

But if there was any doubt of just how Brian felt it was removed when he caught sight of Justin's megawatt smile. Brian's heart skipped a beat as Justin walked over to him and wrapped his arms around Brian's neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

"Hey," Justin said.

"Hey. How was your flight?"

Justin pulled Brian by the hand toward the baggage claim. "Fine. Do you have to work at Babylon tonight?"

"Nope, I don't have to be anywhere until Monday morning."

"Really?"

"Really. I'm all yours for the next three days."

"Hmm, and what do you plan to do with me?"

"Oh, I have some ideas. Hurry up and get your bags so we can get out of here. Then maybe I'll give you a bit of a preview."

Justin grabbed his luggage from the carousal, "Let's go."

They stuffed Justin's suitcase in the little trunk of the 'vette. "Good thing I didn't bring much," Justin commented as he got into the passenger side.

Brian shrugged and started up the engine. Before putting the car in gear, he slipped his hand behind Justin's neck and pulled him in for a long passionate kiss.

"Wow," Justin said. "Let's get somewhere we can finish what you just started."

Brian's eyebrow went up. "Who says we need to go anywhere?"

"I do. We're in a public parking lot, and more important this car is too small. Take me to the loft where we can stretch out on your big bed, and enjoy your huge shower."

"You're such a princess."

=================================================

In the elevator on the way up to Brian's loft, they could hold out no longer. Brian pinned Justin to the wall with his body as he devoured him in a kiss. The elevator reached their floor and Brian slid the gate open and stepped out pulled Justin though behind him.

"Wait, my suitcase," Justin said.

Brian rolled his eyes, but let go of Justin so he could reach back in and retrieve his bag. Brian unlocked the door and slid it open, following Justin in.

Justin walked over into the living room area, looking around like he hadn't been there in ages.

"See anything you like?" Brian asked.

"Yeah," Justin said walking back over to Brian. "You."

Justin began unbuttoning Brian's shirt while placing soft kisses on his neck and earlobes. Then as Brian's shirt fell open Justin moved on down, kissing Brian's chest. He pushed the shirt off Brian's shoulders so that it fell to the floor, then Justin reached back around and unbuttoned Brian's fly. He bent and began kissing Brian's abs, moving down the happy trail that led down into Brian's open jeans.

Brian reached down and pulled Justin back up, kissing his lips softly, then with more urgency and passion, he claimed Justin's mouth, his tongue exploring, probing causing Justin to moan.

Brian broke the kiss and led Justin by the hand up to the bedroom, then turned him around and began undressing him, slowly, methodically, much the way Justin had undressed him just before. After he had removed Justin's shirt he dropped to his knees and began licking Justin's abs as he undid Justin's pants, then he grabbed hold of the waistband of Justin's jeans and underwear, pulling them to Justin's ankles in one move. Justin gasped as the cool air hit his now exposed skin. Brian reached around and placed a hand on each of Justin's globes then leaned in and licked a trail up one side of Justin's groin, over the top where Justin's dick stood at attention, then back down to the other side. Then he dropped down even lower and sucked one of Justin's balls into his mouth.

Justin's whimper spurred Brian on, and he turned his attention to the other ball.

"Brian," Justin moaned.

Brian let Justin's sack fall from his mouth then ran his tongue up the shaft of Justin's dick. Licking it like a lollipop. He swirled his tongue around the head then slid his mouth over and back down the shaft until his nose was buried in Justin's pubes.

"Ah, fuck, Brian," Justin whispered. "I want you in me."

Brian sucked Justin into his mouth deeper.

"Brian," Justin pleaded.

Brian pulled back and let Justin's dick fall from his mouth. "Come on," he said taking Justin over to the bed.

Justin crawled in and rolled on to his back, Brian crawled in over him, covering him with his long lean body.

Brian brushed the hair back off Justin's forehead and once again began kissing Justin's red swollen lips. Their kissing became more heated, more passionate as their bodies did the talking. Finally Justin couldn't wait. "Brian, please. I want you inside me."

Brian smiled and nodded, reaching for the lube and condoms on the nightstand. He made quick work of preparing himself and Justin, then lifted Justin's legs over his shoulders and positioned himself at Justin's hole. He watched Justin's features as he pushed in, the grimace of pain that gave way to the slight grin as the pleasure took over, and then the look of ecstasy as Justin opened up and allowed Brian in.

Brian began pumping, sliding in and out, raising his body up to angle his dick to slide over Justin's gland with each stroke.

"Oh God, I've missed this," Justin cried.

I have too, Brian thought, I have too. Their tempo increased as their need took over until Brian felt that he would explode. "Justin," he said.

"Yeah," Justin answered, knowing exactly what Brian was telling him.

Brian felt Justin's ass clamp down around him at the same time he felt the hot spunk hit his chest, then he let his own release take him. It's never like this with anyone else he thought and collapsed on top of Justin.

After a few minutes their breathing began to return to normal. "Augh, you're squishing me," Justin said.

Brian chuckled as he rolled off of him and on to the bed. "You are such a princess."

"I need a cigarette after that."

"Amen to that," Brian said. "That had to rank up there as one of our top fucks of all time."

Justin smiled. "It's good to be home."

=================================================

Brian had taken Friday off work to stay home with Justin. They had spent the morning lounging around, having a late breakfast and watching some television.

That afternoon while Brian was in the bathroom the intercom buzzed and Justin went to answer it. "Wheaton Movers," the voice said.

"Fourth floor," Justin said as he buzzed them in.

Brian came into the room as Justin pulled back the door of the loft to let the movers carry the boxes in. "Justin? Why are there delivery guys here?" He walked over to the window, looking down to the street. "With a van full of stuff?"

"Because I had it shipped here," Justin said signing the receipt form the man at the door was handing him and telling them were to set the boxes. There weren't all that many; he hadn't taken much to New York to begin with.

"Why did you have all this shipped here? Couldn't you pack enough for a week?" Brian frowned, fearing what this really meant.

"I'm not going back." There. He had said it. It was out in the open.

Brian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of this nose. "Why? And why are you just now telling me? You obviously had this all planned out."

"You would have never agreed to buy the ticket if I had told you; and I spent all my money on shipping this stuff."

"But what about New York? What about your career? I thought we agreed."

"Brian, hear me out, okay?" Justin waited for Brian to nod in agreement, then continued. "I thought I had to go to New York and pursue my career or you would lose respect for me. I thought if I did this thing then I could come home and we could be together. But then we started talking and through these conversations I figured out that it wasn't about you respecting me; it was about your fear.

"You don't want me to sacrifice for you because deep down you are afraid you're not worthy of it. You are afraid some day I would look at you and regret what I gave up to be with you.

"But you of all people should know that success and money don't buy happiness. And I decided what I fear trumps what you fear. What I fear is that I'll go to New York and achieve my fortune and fame only to one-day look back and regret the love I gave up for my career.

"So I'm coming home. I can pursue my career from here and if some day you decide to expand Kinnetik to New York, then so be it. But I'm not throwing away this; what we have, for a chance at something I know would never give me the fulfillment this does."

Brian blinked a few times. "What about the… what about… marriage?"

Justin smiled. "That's something else I learned. I was buying into the fairy tale of white picket fences and all that. The fact that you changed because you thought, hell I thought, that was what I wanted means more to me that you can know. But I discovered that it's you I want, just as you are. And if some day you start tricking less because you find I'm all that you need than that's great, but I don't want you to change anything because you think it will make me happy. You make me happy. I'm only sorry I didn't realize that sooner."

Brian shrugged "You were young."

"Yeah, well I think maybe I've finally grown up."

Brian grinned. "And so the student surpasses the master."

Justin smirked and walked over to where Brian stood. "So is my drawer still empty?"

Brian pulled Justin into his arms, inhaling his scent, and planted a kiss on his forehead. "Everything is just as you left it. Welcome home, Sunshine."