"Justin!"

Justin turned to the sound of Brian's voice, not registering the fear in it.

WHAP

The sound of the wood hitting Justin's skull echoed in Brian's ears. He ran to Hobbs, taking the bat before more damage could be done. Swinging it to strike Chris's knee, then tossing it away.

Then he was at Justin's side, cradling the lifeless body. "No, no, no, no, no, no… God!"

Brian pulled his cell phone from his pocket, still cradling Justin to his chest. He pushed in 911.

"Please state your emergency."

"…."

"Hello? Do you have an emergency?"

"Yeah. Oh God. I need an ambulance."

"Okay, sir, where are you?"

"In the garage of the Crown Westin Hotel - where they are holding St. James' Prom."

"Are you injured?"

"No, it's my… It's Justin. He's been hit with a baseball bat. He took a bat to the head and now…"

"Is he conscious?" the operator asked.

"No. God. There is so much blood." Brian's voice was raw with emotion.

"Is he breathing?"

"Yeah. Yeah, he's breathing. Please, send an ambulance." He tried to choke back his fear.

"I have one in route, sir. Stay on the phone with me."

"I need to call his mother."

"Give me her name, sir. I'll see that she's notified."

"It's Jennifer, Jennifer Taylor." He could hear her typing on a keyboard.

"On Park Lane Avenue?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"I'll have an officer stop by and escort her to the hospital."

"Good. Thanks. I hear sirens. Is that the ambulance?"

"… Yes. That's the paramedics. They'll take good care of your friend. I'm going to free up the line now."

"Thank you."

The ambulance pulled up with a police car behind it. Two paramedics jumped out, each carrying a black bag. "Sir, we need you to step back, please," the darker haired one said.

Brian gently laid Justin's head back on the pavement and rose up on shaky legs. The other two men quickly went to work assessing Justin's injuries.

"Sir, I need to ask you a few questions," a young police officer walked over to where Brian stood.

Brian nodded.

"How do you know the victim?"

"He's a friend."

"Did you see the attack? Can you identify who did this?"

Brian looked over to where Chris had been lying. There was no one there. "Yeah, I saw it. He was right over there; he's gone now. His name is Chris Hobbs. He's a senior at St. James."

The officer took some notes then asked, "Was Mr. Hobbs acquainted with the victim?"

"The victim's name is Justin and yeah, they went to school together."

The paramedics had Justin on a gurney and were ready to load him into the ambulance.

"I need to go with him," Brian said, walking up to the ambulance.

"Are you family?" the other paramedic barked.

"Joe, shit, let the guy ride. There's no one else here."

The first medic shrugged and opened the door to the back of the ambulance. Brian stepped in and took a seat, watching as they loaded Justin's lifeless body. One paramedic jumped in after the gurney while the other ran around to the cab to drive.

"Is he going to be okay?" Brian asked.

"We'll do our best for him," the paramedic answered.

Brian saw the pity in the man's eyes and felt his world crumble around his feet.

The ambulance pulled up to the hospital and the paramedics jumped out rushing the gurney carrying Justin in through the emergency room entrance. Brian followed behind at a slower pace.

As he entered the hospital he saw Jennifer frantically trying to get some information from the front desk. "They're bringing him in now," Brian heard the lady behind the counter say. "Thank God," Jennifer responded. She turned and for an instant she locked eyes with Brian. He felt her accusations sear into his soul. His eyes dropped to the floor and he walked down the hall to a lonely bench, away from everyone one else.

Sitting down, he took his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Brian! You almost missed me," Michael said. "What's up?" He was in the concourse between the airport and the plane that would take him to Portland.

"Mikey."

Michael froze. Never had he heard Brian sound so broken; so raw. Not even when they were kids and his dad had beat the shit out of him.

"Brian? What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's Justin," Brian started, then words seem to fail him.

"Justin what?"

"He… He was attacked… a bat…"

Michael dropped the carry-on he held in his hand. "Where are you?"

"I need you…."

"Where are you?" Michael asked again, picking up his bag and turning to run back into the airport.

"The hospital."

"Sit tight, I'm on my way."

Brian sat and stared at the white wall across from him. He thought of the last time he had been there to the hospital. It was the night Gus was born; the same night he had met Justin. He remembered running through the hall; he, Justin and Mikey; laughing and happy; excited to see his son; high on life. Now that seemed like a lifetime ago.

He had no concept of time. Hours passed that seemed like days. At some point he was aware of Michael at his side, but had no memory of his arrival. Later he would remember someone, probably Michael, putting a cup of water in his hand and encouraging him to drink it. But mainly he just remembered white. Everything was white, and so bright it glared.

"Brian, come on, let's clean you up," Michael said.

Brian allowed himself to be lead down the hall to the bathroom. Michael wet a paper towel and began wiping the blood from Brian's face and hands. He pulled the bloody scarf from Brian's neck and moved to toss it in the trash.

"No."

It was the first word Brian had uttered since Michael had arrived.

"Okay," Michael said, folding it up and slipping it into Brian's coat pocket. "There," he said, wiping the rest of the blood from Brian's neck. "Everyone is sitting with Jennifer down the hall while we wait for the doctors to tell us something. Do you want to walk down there?"

Brian shook his head. He didn't want to see their eyes, their silent accusations.

"Okay, we'll go back and sit in the hall then."

In the waiting room, Jennifer sat wringing her hands with Debbie at her side trying to offer comfort. Emmett, Lindsay and Melanie had gathered there too. Justin had been in surgery for over an hour already.

"What's taking so long?" Jennifer asked.

"I'll go see if I can get any information," Lindsay offered.

She hadn't been gone long when Daphne walked in still wearing her prom dress. She went straight to Jennifer, throwing her arms around Justin's mother and burying her face in Jennifer's bosom.

Lindsay came back in. "They said he'll probably be in surgery for another hour or so. They couldn't tell me anything more."

"Thanks for checking," Jennifer said.

Daphne sat back, wiping her eyes. "Where's Brian?" she asked looking around.

"He's sitting down the hall," Lindsay answered. "Michael's with him."

"I need to see him," Daphne said.

"Out the door to your left, then your right," Lindsay said.

Brian had no idea how much time had passed. Michael was with him, most of the time anyway. Occasionally Michael would walk down to where the others were to see if there was any news. Brian on the other hand simply sat staring at the wall. He was aware of Daphne sitting on his other side, trying to tell him it wasn't his fault. He knew better than that. It was his fault. Of course he was the one to blame.

"He's out of surgery." Lindsay had walked down to give them the news. "The doctor is going to come talk to us soon. I thought you'd want to know."

Michael and Daphne nodded and murmured their thanks.

Daphne took Brian's hand. "Come on, let's go down."

"No."

Daphne stood. "Okay, how about if I go then I'll come tell you what the doctor said?"

Brian turned his head, making eye contact with someone for the first time since receiving Jennifer's glare, and nodded slightly; then he returned his gaze back to the wall.

To Michael it seemed like hours before she returned. He wanted to go hear what the doctors were saying, but couldn't leave Brian; not when he was so broken. Finally Daphne returned.

She sat down on the other side of Brian. "They had to drill a hole in his skull to keep the pressure from building up. They inserted a shunt there to drain the fluids." She paused, taking a breath. Brian continued to look straight ahead.

"He's in a coma, and they said they won't know much else until he wakes up."

"… If he wakes up," Brian said.

The three sat in silence for a moment then Michael spoke up. "I'm going to walk down and see Mom. Daphne will you stay here with him?"

Daphne nodded.

She leaned her head against Brian's shoulder as Michael walked away. "We have to think positive, Brian. He has to be okay. He'll be okay, won't he? Say he'll be okay." She started crying as her emotions took her over. "Say he'll be okay." Brian slipped his arm around her and cradled her to him. "Please, say he'll be okay." He sat there rocking her back and forth as she cried.

More time passed, minutes, hours, Brian didn't know. Michael came back down the hall. "Brian? Everyone is going home to get some rest. Mom is going to stay here with Jennifer for a while. Do you want me to give you a ride home?"

Brian shook his head.

"Daphne? Do you need a ride?"

Daphne looked up at him. She had calmed down but tears still streamed down her cheeks. "No, I want to stay here."

"Okay," Michael started to sit down.

"Is Emmett still here?" Brian asked.

"He's getting ready to leave."

"Have him take you to get my jeep. It's still in the parking garage. Get it, and then go by the loft and bring me a change of clothes." Brian looked up at Michael. "Please."

"Yeah, sure. I'll be back after a while." Michael took the offered keys from Brian's hand and rushed off to catch Emmett before he left.

"Of course, sweetie. I'll be happy to take you," Emmett said when Michael caught up with him. "Come on."

They walked out to Emmett's car and made the short trip to the hotel. When they entered the parking garage at the hotel, Emmett asked, "What level did he park on?"

"I'm not sure. I guess I should have asked."

"No worry. We'll find it."

They began looking from side to side at the parked cars while Emmett drove slowly through the garage. Finally Michael spotted the jeep. "There it is. Up there on the right. See it?"

"Yep." Emmett pulled up behind the black jeep and stopped.

"Well, thanks Emmett."

"Oh my god, Michael. Look over there." Emmett was staring out the window in the other direction.

"What?"

"All that blood. Oh my god. That is Justin's blood, Michael. This is where it happened." Emmett opened the car door and jumped out, walking over to where the pavement was covered in dark syrupy blood.

"Emmett, what are you doing?" Michael said, following him over.

"We need to clean this up. We can't just leave this here." Emmett was looking around trying to find something he could use.

"We better not, it might still be a crime scene. The police may still need to find evidence."

"No. If they did they would have the yellow tape up. Everyone's gone, and they just left his blood here. We need to clean it up, Michael." Emmett was almost frantic.

"Okay, but how? With what?"

"I don't know." Emmett began walking back to his car. "Maybe I have something in the trunk."

"Emmett, I'm sure the hotel has a janitor or something. I think we should leave it for them."

"But it's the weekend. What if no one get to it before Monday?" He was rummaging through the trunk of his car. "We can't just leave Justin's blood here."

"Emmett. Stop. We don't have anything to clean it up with. Come on, you should go home and get some rest."

Emmett closed the trunk, not finding anything to use. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. But still…" It just didn't seem right.

Michael opened the car door for his friend and closed it behind him once Emmett got in. "I'll see you later."

"Okay. If you hear any news on Justin, please call me." Emmett didn't tell Michael of his plans to go get some towels and a couple of jugs of water. He would come back and clean up the blood. He just couldn't bear to think of it being left like that.

Michael nodded and watched him drive off. He walked over to the jeep and got in. He wanted to get back up to the hospital and Brian.

"Brian?"

He was sitting on the bench in the hallway; his head leaning against the wall, his eyes closed. Michael had come back and brought Brian a change of clothes so that he could finally get out of the bloody tux. Mikey had stayed there for a few hours until he kept nodding off and Brian convinced him to take Daphne home, and go home and rest himself.

"Brian?" Jennifer said again, a little louder.

He didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to see the pain in her face, didn't want to hear the words she would surely say.

"Are you asleep?"

He frowned and slowly blinked his eyes open. "No, just resting."

She looked so frail. He thought it wouldn't take much of a wind to blow her over. Her eyes were sunken and she had dark circles beneath them.

"I need a favor," she said.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Will you come sit with Justin? I had to leave Molly with a friend, and I really need to go pick her up and get her to her father's. I don't want to leave Justin alone, and, well… I was wondering if you would come sit with him."

That was just about the last thing Brian expected to hear come out of her mouth. His surprise must have shown on his face because she sighed and sat down beside him. "I know you think I blame you, and I really wanted to. I have all this anger, and it would be so easy to direct it at you. But, the truth is Brian, it wasn't your fault."

Brian frowned; she was only saying that because she needed a favor. Of course it was his fault. Brian had only wanted to give the kid what he had asked for. He wanted to take Brian to his prom; to give St. James a big 'fuck you' and Brian was so inspired by his courage, by how unapologetic he was, that he thought, maybe just this once. And now….

"Will you come sit with him?" she asked again.

Brian nodded.

He stood and followed her down the hall to Justin's room. She walked through the doorway and turned to see Brian leaning against the doorframe, looking pale. "I know, it took me a little time to get used to it too."

Brian stood there staring at the person lying in the bed. It didn't look anything like Justin. The side of his face that had been hit was purple and blue. His head was swollen to twice the size; the skin so taut it looked as if it could be popped with a poke of a pin. His hair had been shaved and his skull was bandaged. There were tubes and probes running everywhere; machines in the back monitoring his heart rate, breathing, brain waves and who knew what else. Brian didn't know what he had expected, but it wasn't this.

"Brian?" Jennifer motioned to the chair by Justin's bed.

Brian pulled himself together and walked into the room and sat down in the chair.

"I'll try to not be gone long," Jennifer said.

Brian reached out and grabbed her hand as she turned for the door, looking her in the eye. "It's okay, take as long as you need. I'll be here."

She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes, then turned and left the room.

Brian sat watching Justin, trying to find something familiar in his face; something he could recognize. Finally, looking down at Justin's hands he was relived to see they were the same. The same long thin fingers, the same short stubby nails. Brian reached out and took one of them in his. The hand remained limp, but warm; Brian could almost imagine that Justin was only sleeping; but looking back up to that face; no, this was no dream.

Brian tried to keep his thoughts on the present, and not let them wander onto what ifs. There were too many of those to contemplate, and so few had a happy ending.

He closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Justin's hand in his.

 Brian smelled her familiar perfume before he felt her hand on his shoulder, he knew without opening his eyes it was the only woman that had ever been anything close to a mother to him. He let his weight lean against her and she placed her other hand on his cheek, pulling him to her. "We're going to get through this, kiddo. We're going to hold on tight and get through this," she whispered.

When Jennifer got back to the hospital Brian and Debbie were standing in the hall outside Justin's room. She felt her heart rise up to her throat. "Debbie?"

"The doctor is in with him," Brian explained. "They asked us to wait out here."

"Oh, so nothing…"

"No change," Brian answered. He noticed that she had taken time to change clothes and freshen up her makeup, although it did little to hide the dark circles.

"Brian. There you are," Michael said walking up from the other direction. "Hi, Ma. Jennifer." He leaned in to kiss Debbie's check. "How's Justin?"

Just then the doctor emerged from Justin's room. "Ah, Mrs. Taylor, you're back."

"Yes, Doctor. How is he?"

"He's stable. As I've said, these first twenty-four hours are the most critical. But we really won't know anything until the swelling starts to recede."

"And when will that be?" she asked.

"How long has it been since the accident?"

"You mean the attack," Jennifer corrected. "It was no accident."

"Yes, of course. When was the attack?"

"A little over twelve hours ago," Brian answered.

"Well, after an injury the area will continue to swell for the first twenty-four to thirty-six hours, then the swelling will begin to recede."

"You mean it could get worse? The swelling I mean?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes, but we are monitoring the pressure in his brain closely, and will do everything we can to minimize it."

Brian had heard enough. "I need a cigarette," he mumbled in explanation. He walked off down the hall. Michael looked from Brian's retreating figure to his mother. She nodded; someone needed to be with Brian, Michael knew it was up to him. He hurried to catch up with his best friend.

"So that's good," Michael said as they walked down the hall. "I mean, that he's stable. Right?"

Brian stopped and looked at him.

"Brian?"

"His head is the size of a fucking watermelon, Mikey. It doesn't even look like Justin. He doesn't even look human."

Michael blinked. "Oh."

"I really need a cigarette." Brian turned and walked away.

Brian lit a cigarette and pulled the smoke into his lungs. The sun was shining; people were going about their day; the world seemed to be totally unaware of the young man fighting for his life upstairs in an antiseptic hospital room. Michael was sitting beside him, saying nothing. Sometimes it was best to let Brian be alone with his thoughts; sometimes it was best to wait for him to talk.

"You should go home," Brian said. "Get some rest."

"I'm fine."

"Suit yourself." Brian took a final drag from his cigarette and flicked it to the ground. "I'm going back in."

Jennifer was still listening to the doctor explain about Justin's condition. It seemed to her that she was being handled; that he was preparing her for what was to come. It made her incredibly angry and unbearably distressed at the same time.

"I would like to limit the number of people in Justin's room for now," the doctor was saying. "You and maybe one or two others - his father?"

Jennifer shook her head. "I'm afraid he's unavailable. Debbie? Would you sit with Justin?"

"Of course I would ,sweetie; I think of him as one of my boys. I'd do anything for my Sunshine."

"And Brian."

The doctor made a note of those names. "I'd like to recommend you get some rest Mrs. Taylor. You've obviously been up all night. It won't do your son any good for you to fall apart.

"I'm fine, really," Jennifer protested.

"If you'd like, we have beds available here for parents to rest. You'll be close by and the nurse can come wake you if there is any change. Would you like me to have one of the nurses show you where they are?"

"Maybe, just for a little while. Debbie, would you sit with Justin for a bit?" 

"Of course, sweetie."

Debbie watched as a nurse lead Jennifer down the hall, then she turned and went into Justin's room.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at Justin's swollen face. "Oh Sunshine, what have they done to you?" She sat down in the chair and gathered Justin's limp hand in hers. "You just hold on, kiddo. We are all here for you and you are going to be just fine, you hear me?"

Brian walked back into the hospital with Michael following along behind.

"Brian, when's the last time you ate?" he asked.

Brian shrugged.

"Come to the cafeteria with me. I want to get a sandwich or something."

"You go on, I'm going upstairs."

"Please?"

Brian rolled his eyes. He knew that Michael was only doing this to try to get him to eat something and while he had no appetite at all, the fact that Michael was so concerned touched him. "Okay, but you have to hurry."

Michael did manage to get Brian to eat some toast. It wasn't much but at least it was something besides cigarettes and coffee.

"Nothing wrong with cigarettes and coffee," Brian protested.

"Whatever," Michael replied.

They made their way back up to Justin's floor. They stood outside his room and watched through the window at Debbie sitting and holding Justin's hand. After a few minutes, she noticed them and came out of the room.

"Oh Brian, I'm glad you're here. I was afraid I'd have to ask them to wake Jen. I need to get to my shift at the diner, but I didn't want to leave Sunshine. The doctor asked Jennifer to keep his visitors down to three - her, you, and me."

"Where's she now?"

"Sleeping . The nurse took her somewhere she could rest. Will you stay with him? I need to go."

"Yeah, I'm here, go on," Brian said.

Debbie pulled him into a hug. "You hang tough, you hear me?"

"Come on, Mom, I'll walk you out," Michael took her arm and led her away as Brian walked into Justin's room to take over the watch.

"How are you holding up, sweetie?" Debbie asked when they were in the elevator.

"I'm fine, Mom. I'm worried about Brian, though."

"Of course you are, Honey. But I think Justin is the one you should be worrying about."

The elevator door opened and they exited into the busy lobby of the hospital. "I am, Ma, but I can't do much for Justin. I'm trying to help Brian, but I'm not sure how."

"You're a good man, Michael."

"Am I? Cause I feel so helpless right now. I want to be there for Brian, but I feel so useless. What can I do?"

By now they were standing by Deb's car. "All you can do is be there to listen if he needs to talk, and try to get him to take care of himself; eat - sleep, that sort of thing. Other than that, just be there for him."

"That doesn't sound like much."

"It isn't, but then again friendship is a pretty powerful gift to offer."

Michael leaned over and kissed Debbie on the check. "Thanks Ma." He turned and walked back into the hospital.

When he made it back up to Justin's floor, he looked in the window at Brian sitting in the chair. He couldn't see his face, but by the way his head was cocked to one side, Michael was pretty sure Brian had drifted off to sleep.

"Hey."

Michael was startled and turned toward the voice. "Hey Daphne."

"Any word?"

"No, I don't think so. I think they're still just waiting."

"Where's Jennifer?"

"Lying down somewhere I think."

Daphne sighed. "This sucks. Why can't they do something?"

"I don't know, I guess they're doing all they can."

"Yeah."

Brian walks into the banquet room. There are paper streamers of blue and red hanging from the ceiling; balloons everywhere. He looks around for a familiar face and finally he sees him. Justin and Daphne dancing together at the edge of the dance floor.

He smiles and makes his way over. Justin turns and sees him. His whole face lights up. He smiles his signature smile and Brian feels the warmth all the way to his soul.

"Can I borrow your date?" he asks of Daph.

He takes Justin's hand and leads him out further onto the floor just as a corny old song begins. They have the dance floor to themselves, whether it's because of two men dancing or because of this unbelievably sappy song, Brian isn't sure, but he decides to make good use of the area.

He moves Justin around the floor, literally sweeping him off his feet. Justin looks at him with awe in his eyes.

Beep, beep, beep, beep. The noise crowds out the music.

Beep, beep, beep, beep. Brian turns to the DJ to see what's causing the noise.

Beep, beep, beep, beep. The blood drains from his face as he realizes who's behind the turntables.

Beep, beep, beep, beep. Chris Hobbs stares at him, but pulls a bat from behind the counter.

Brian bolted from his chair; the dance, the music, the banquet room were gone. The insistent beeping was not. There were three nurses in the room - one of them was pulling him to his feet and pushing him out the door as the other two were doing something with Justin. Brian's head still thick with sleep couldn't wrap his mind around what was happening. Suddenly he was out in the hallway looking in the window at Justin.

"Brian?" Michael was at his side. "Brian, what's going on?"

"I… I don't know." He looked around. "Where's Jen? Where's his mom?"

A nurse came out of Justin's room, stopping to explain to them what was happening.

"What's going on?" Brian asked her.

"His oxygen level dropped off; he's okay now. The doctor is on his way to check, but he probably just needs to adjust the percentage in his breathing tube."

"What would have caused his oxygen to drop though?" Daphne asked.

"Could be a number of things," the nurse explained. "Sometimes it happens when people are sleeping too deeply, or it could be his lungs are starting to fill with a little fluid. It's really not unexpected with an injury like this. The doctor will be here shortly and then I'm sure he'll come speak with you."

"Where's Jennifer?" Brian asked again.

"I'm going to get her now," the nurse answered.

Brian nodded and walked over to the other side of the hallway; he leaned against the wall as the doctor breezed through into Justin's room. Daphne stood at the window looking in at Justin's form lying on the bed.

"I can't do this," Brian said.

Michael was at Brian's side. "Yes, you can."

"No, Mikey. I can't. I can't do this."

"Shh… Brian. Don't think like that."

The doctor came out of Justin's room as Jennifer came walking up the hallway. "Mrs. Taylor," he said.

"Doctor, what is it?" Jennifer asked, her eyes filled with fear.

"He's fine, just a little scare with his oxygen levels. I've made an adjustment and he's fine. He is developing a little fluid in his lungs that we'll need to keep an eye on, but it's nothing that wasn't expected."

Jennifer stood listening to him, trying to make out what he was saying. "What does that mean?"

"It means he's still stable, and we're monitoring him closely."

Brian stood against the wall, listening to the doctor and watching Jennifer. She looked so frightened, so frail, as if she might crumble at any minute. 

"You okay?" Michael leaned in and asked him.

"Yeah," he answered. He had to be. Justin needed him. Jennifer needed him. Justin needed him to be there, to be strong for Jennifer.

He had no choice. Justin needed him.

Brian spent his second night at the hospital pacing the halls. He tired numerous times to sleep; each time his dreams would chase him back to consciousness. He was sitting outside the next morning, smoking a cigarette, when Michael arrived.

"Jesus, Brian. Have you slept at all? You look like shit."

"And a good morning to you too," Brian grumbled.

"How's Justin?" Michael asked.

Brian shrugged. "The same."

"Let me take you home, you can grab a shower and a nap then I'll bring you back."

"No."

Michael sat down beside him. "Brian it's okay for you to leave for a little while. Even Jennifer hasn't stayed here every minute."

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and shook his head. "You don't understand, Mikey. He wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me."

Michael frowned. He hated that Brian still blamed himself for Justin being attacked, but also knew he wouldn't convince his friend of anything today.

"At least come with me to the cafeteria and let me buy you breakfast then."

Brian raised an eyebrow, "Since when do you buy me food?"

Michael grinned. "Since today, okay?"

Brian nodded, "Yeah, if it will shut you up for a while."

"Come on, the food here isn't half bad," Michael said as they walked into the hospital.

"Yeah, that's what you say about the diner food, too. Just goes to show that there's no accounting for taste."

*****  

Jennifer was sitting at Justin's bedside. When Debbie stuck her head in. "How's he doing today?"

"The same as far as I can tell. The doctor hasn't been in to see him yet this morning."

"You hungry? I brought you a bagel and some coffee." Deb came in the room and handed Jennifer a brown bag and a mug.

"Thanks, Debbie. You're a dear. You didn't happen to see Brian out there did you?"

"No, I didn't. Why?"

"No reason. He probably went home to shower and change or something. I saw him pacing the halls last night around four… I just wondered…. He looked so…"

"Brian will be fine. You just worry about taking care of you and this one here," Debbie said. She was worried about Brian too, but Jennifer had enough on her plate as it was.

*****  

After eating breakfast, Brian and Michael took the elevator back up to Justin's floor. Brian looked in on Justin and found Debbie keeping Jennifer company.

"Has the doctor been in yet?" he asked.

"No, not yet."

Brian nodded and walked back out, sitting down in the hall next to Michael.

Michael watched his friend. He looked so tired, so beat. Brian's eyes would droop closed and just when Michael thought he was drifting off they would snap back open.

"Brian, why don't you try to sleep for a little bit? I can wake you if the doctor comes."

Brian shook his head. "I'm fine."

"You are not. You're a walking zombie. You need to sleep, Brian."

"I said I'm fine."

"Brian."

Brian turned and looked his closest friend in the eyes. "Do you have any idea what I see when I close my eyes, Mikey?"

Michael's face filled with surprise, then understanding. "Shit, I'm sorry Brian."

They sat in silence until Brian saw the doctor going into Justin's room. Debbie came out and sat down next to Michael. "Jennifer said she'd come tell us what the doctor said after he left."

A few minutes later Jennifer and the young doctor exited Justin's room. Brian stood and walked over to where they stood.

"The swelling is receding and his body is handling the fluid in his lungs," the doctor was saying. "We'll continue to monitor him, but it does appear he is beginning to emerge from the coma."

"You mean he's waking up?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes. Unfortunately coming out of a coma is seldom like you see on TV shows. It may take days, even weeks for him to regain consciousness, but he has started the waking process and that is a very good sign."

Jennifer nodded.

"Once he is awake we can begin assessing what, if any, damage was incurred and begin rehab."

"Do you think he has suffered brain damage?" Jennifer asked.

"It's hard to say. He received a severe blow to the head. I would expect to see some effects from that. How serious and whether they'll be permanent, we just won't know until Justin wakes up and tells us."

"Thank you, Doctor," Jennifer said. She sighed as the doctor nodded and left to finish his rounds. "Brian?" she asked. "Would you sit with Justin? I think I need to go get some air."

Brian nodded. He started to ask her if she was all right, but then he knew the answer to that question.

Jennifer patted Brian's arm. "Thank you," she said and walked off down the hall.

Brian turned to go into Justin's room.

"Where's she going?" Debbie asked. "What's going on?"

"She wanted to get some air. Maybe you should go with her."

Debbie nodded and went to find Jennifer.

*****  

"There you are," Debbie said when she finally caught up with Jennifer sitting on a bench in front of the hospital. "Want some company?"

Jennifer smiled weakly and nodded. Debbie sat down on the bench and waited. Jennifer would talk when she was ready.

Debbie didn't have to wait long. "The doctor said Justin's waking up."

"Really? That's great news," Debbie said.

"Yeah, it is. And I'm so relieved but I'm also scared out of my mind."

"Scared? What of, sweetie?"

"Of what we'll find out when he wakes up."

"Oh, honey, you have to have hope. Justin is strong and he's a fighter. He'll get through this," Debbie tried to reassure her.

Jennifer nodded. "But what if he's not the Justin we know? What if he has brain damage or his personality is altered? What if he requires around the clock care, Debbie? What will I do?"

"We'll all be incredibly sad and then we'll buck up and take care of him."

"Debbie, with all due respect, I appreciate your support. But he's my son and my responsibility. What if I can't afford to give him the care he needs? He'll go off his dad's insurance as soon as he graduates, Lord, if he can still graduate. I'd planned to carry him on mine, but all this will be a pre-existing condition." She was working herself up.

"Hey now, Jennifer, calm down. Don't drive yourself crazy with all the 'what ifs'. You can only take this stuff as it comes. But I'll tell you the one thing I do know as sure as I know my own name; you'll never be in this alone. You'll have our support and help. And as for Justin's care, if he needs any, I know that Brian will make sure Justin has whatever care he needs, so you don't even need to think about that."

Jennifer sighed. "You're right, I can't solve any problems before they arise."

"That's right, and you've got to think positive, dear. Justin's going to be just fine. You'll see."

*****  

Brian sat in Justin's room watching him sleep. Was it sleep? Not really. If he were sleeping then he could wake up. Justin was in some sort of limbo in between. The swelling was beginning to subside although the bruising wasn't. If anything Justin's skin was even a darker purple around his eye. But his features were beginning to show again; he was starting to look more like himself and less like a freak of nature. Brian thought that was at least something and there was movement behind his closed eyelids as if he were dreaming. Brian hoped the kid was having better luck with his dreams than Brian had been having.

That line of thought only caused him more grief. What if Justin was having the same nightmares Brian had been experiencing only not able to escape from them?

"Fuck," Brian muttered as he stood and began pacing around the room, once again beating himself up over going to Justin's prom. What had he been thinking?

"Brian?"

He jumped, startled by Jennifer's voice. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't heard her enter.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

Brian ran his hand through his hair and sighed, "Yeah, just…"

She nodded; knowing probably as close as anyone what he was feeling. "You look exhausted. Why don't you go lay down and rest for a while?"

He started to point out that she looked equally tired but instead he simply nodded and left the room.

He heard voices as he walked down the hall. Sitting in their area, as he now thought of it, were Michael and Ted.

"Hey, Brian," Ted said when Brian sat down on the other side of Michael.

"Any change?" Michael asked.

"The swelling is starting to go down and he's dreaming," Brian said.

"Ma said the doctors think he's waking up."

"Yeah, that's what they said."

"That's great news," Ted said.

"Yeah, only unlike when you woke up from your coma he won't get to be entertained by my fucking a hot nurse in the next bed."

Michael's eyes grew wide. "You did not."

"Yeah," Ted answered. "He did. I thought I was in hell and that was my punishment; watching Brian Kinney fuck for all eternity."

"You should be so lucky. So where's your little boyfriend? Blain?"

"Blake, and he's not my little boyfriend."

"Whatever." Brian saw something in Ted's eyes. Something had happened but right now he really didn't care; couldn't care. Good ol' Mikey would have to deal with Ted and Blake's problems.

"I better go," Ted said, more to Michael than to Brian. "I just wanted to stop by and see how Justin was. You'll call me if there's any news?"

"Yeah, I'll call you," Michael answered.

"Bye Brian," Ted walked off down the hall, Brian didn't acknowledge that he had spoken.

Michael sat and watched Brian as his eyelids began to droop again until finally shutting. Brian's head tilted off to the side as he slept. Michael wished he could get Brian to go lay down; there was no way he'd be able to sleep for any time in the middle of a noisy hospital. But maybe his friend was exhausted enough that he would be able to catch an hour or two.

*****  

A little while later Jennifer looked out the window of her son's room and saw Daphne standing there. She motioned for her to come in.

Daphne opened the door. "I thought the doctor wanted to limit who was in here."

"He does, but come in anyway."

Daphne walked up to Justin's bed, her eyes brimming with tears as she looked at him. "How can one human being do this to another?" she whispered. She had always thought that Chris Hobbs was a jerk, but she would have never guessed he was capable of this.

"I don't know," Jennifer said. "Ignorance?"

"I brought you and Brian some food," Daphne said, finally looking away from Justin. "I left it with Michael. He's sitting down the hall with Brian."

"Thank you, dear. That was very thoughtful. Did you speak to Brian?"

Daphne shook her head. "He was asleep. Oh and my mom said to tell you if you need anything, you know, like with Molly or anything to let her know."

"I will, and tell her I appreciate it."

Daphne nodded. "I think I better go now." She bit her bottom lip, trying to keep the tears at bay. "I'll be back later, okay?"

"Okay, dear." Jennifer knew Daphne was about to fall apart and part of her wanted to reach out and help her, but Jennifer was barely holding herself together and if she tried to comfort Daphne she'd end up breaking down along with her.

*****

The doors to the elevator opened and just as Emmett was getting ready to step out he noticed Daphne standing there. She saw him and threw herself into his arms.

"Hey, ah, Daph," Emmett said as she collapsed against him. The elevator doors closed behind her.

"Oh, Emmett," she sobbed, "Why did this happen?"

"I don't know, sweetie, I just don't know." Emmett stood there wondering if Justin's condition had worsened, or God forbid he had died. "What's going on, Daphne? Did something happen?"

"No, I just… I hadn't seen him up close before now. I mean, his head's all black and blue and swollen up; and God, its just so awful. Last week we were talking about going to college and now he's lying in a hospital room in a coma."

The elevator doors opened again and they were back on the main floor. "Come on," Emmett said, walking her out, his arm still around her waist. "Let's go get you a tissue and a soda."

*****  

Michael glanced over again at Brian's sleeping form. He had been sleeping soundly, barely even moving for the last couple of hours but now he seemed to be dreaming. Brian mumbled something Michael couldn't make out and then suddenly his eyes popped open. "No," Brian said sitting straight up in his chair and looked about.

"Brian, hey. It's okay." Michael placed his arm around Brian's shoulders. "It was just a dream."

Brian's chest heaved as he tried to calm down. "No, it wasn't," Brian said and stood. "I'll be back."

Michael watched Brian walk down the hall, thinking he was going to check on Justin, but instead Brian went through the door to the men's restroom.

*****  

Brian walked over to the sink and turned on the faucet. After splashing cold water on his face he caught his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were gaunt and haunted, his skin pale and his hair was sticking up every which way. "Lord, I'm a mess," he said to himself.

He walked back out and sat back down next to Michael. "Sorry about that," he muttered.

"Daphne brought up some food," Michael said. "You want some?"

"No," Brian said. He stood back up and began pacing. "How long was I out?"

"A couple of hours."

Brian nodded. "I need to go check on Justin."

Michael nodded and watched Brian walk down to Justin's room. Brian opened the door and stuck his head in. Then came back to where Michael sat. "No change yet."

"They said it could take a few days," Michael reminded him.

Brian sat back down. "Michael?"

"Yeah?"

"What if he's fucked up? You know, really fucked up, drooling on himself, not able to talk or walk - that kind of fucked up. What will I do then? How will I be able to look him or his mother in the eye if I turned him into a vegetable?"

Michael put his hand on Brian's arm. He had no idea how to answer the question so instead he did just like his mother had told him. He was just there.

"I don't think I can handle this, Mikey. All I've wanted since… since he was on the pavement… All I wanted was for him to open his eyes. And now the doctor says that soon he'll wake up and I'm scared of what I'll see, what he will be. I don't think I can do it."

"Yeah, you can, Brian. You're the strongest person I know. You can do this."

"Fuck, why did I ever go to his fucking prom?" He stood up and began pacing again. "Hell, why didn't I leave him standing under that lamp post? No, I thought he looked sweet and then when he started stalking me I thought it was cute. Next thing I know he's worked his way in to all of our lives and become this permanent fixture. That was bad enough, but then I had to go and do something so stupid as to show up at his prom. I thought I'd make his night by surprising him there and look what the fuck it got me? I don't need this shit."

Michael let him ramble on; knowing Brian didn't mean any of what he was saying. Michael had witnessed the last few months and although he knew it would not be said, Brian Kinney had fallen in love.

It was early in the morning of the third day; Jennifer was asleep somewhere in the hospital, Brian was napping in the chair by Justin's bed. He figured he had gotten a total of six or seven hours sleep since Justin's prom. He knew he couldn't go on like this, but couldn't bear to think of leaving the hospital, not until Justin woke up.

Justin had been showing more signs of waking. He was moving around a little and occasionally mumbled some incoherent gibberish. Brian had been sitting watching him for the last few hours waiting for Justin's eyes to open. Finally he had drifted off to sleep himself.

Brian awoke looking around wondering what had roused him - usually it was the dream or rather, nightmare; the sound of the bat hitting Justin's skull. There had been no dreams this time. Brian heard Justin stir and looked over to see two eyes staring at the ceiling. "Justin?"

 Justin turned his head toward Brian's voice, his eyes locking onto Brian. An ever so slight smile graced his lips before his lids fell shut again.

 "Justin?" Brian moved a little closer, but Justin didn't stir.

Brian sighed and sat back in the chair. There had been recognition in Justin's eyes, hadn't there? He wished he could be sure but in truth Justin had only looked at him for seconds.

Brian watched Justin again until his eyelids grew heavy and he drifted off again.

*****  

Jennifer awoke in a strange bed, a strange room; it took a minute for the events of the last few days to come back.

She sighed, crawled out of bed and went to the bathroom to freshen up a little before going down the hall to check on her son.

She knew she needed to find some time to talk with Molly. She was sure her daughter was scared and confused about what was happening to Justin. Jennifer could only imagine the version Craig would be telling her. But right now Justin needed her more.

She walked into Justin's room, it was still dark out; the day shift nurses were just coming on duty. Brian was sleeping in the chair by her son's bed. As she looked at him she noticed that he was showing his age. She remembered Justin mentioning him turning thirty a few days ago. He certainly looked every one of those years right now.

She sat down in the chair on the other side of Justin's bed and took his hand in hers, brushing the hair from his face and talking quietly to him.

"He opened his eyes last night," Brian said.

Jennifer jumped. "Brian, I thought you were asleep." Then his words hit her. "He did?"

"Yeah, not for very long. He opened them and when I said his name he turned his head and looked at me. Then his eyes closed again."

"He looked at you? Did he recognize you?" No one wanted to talk about it, but they were all afraid of Justin having brain damage.

Brian shrugged. "I think so."

"Oh, that's great news."

"Yeah," Brian stood, uncomfortable with talking very long with Justin's mother. "I need a smoke," he said as way of leaving. "You, ah, want me to bring you back anything?"

"No, I'll go get some coffee from the nurses station later."

He nodded.

"Brian?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to work today?"

He looked at her in confusion.

"It's Monday and well, I understand if you need to go to work and all."

"No, I'll call and tell them I'm not coming in," Brian said as he turned and left the room. How could it be Monday already? he thought to himself.

*****  

Debbie had the early shift at the diner Monday morning. She decided to get up a few hours before her shift so she could check on Justin and bring Jennifer something to eat.

As she made her way up the sidewalk to the hospital she spotted Brian sitting on the bench out front.

"Brian?"

He looked up at her, blinking slowly, almost in a daze.

"You look like shit, Brian. When's the last time you slept? And I don't mean sitting in a chair with your chin on your chest either."

Brian shrugged and looked back down at his feet. Debbie sat down on the bench beside him. "Brian, honey, did something happen? I mean, is Justin...?" He just looked so devastated.

Brian looked at her and shook his head. "No, he's -" he paused. 'Okay' wasn't the right word, "the same."

"Oh, thank God, well, I brought some bagels. You want one?"  

Brian shook his head.

"No. Okay then, I'm going to go check on Jennifer. You take care of yourself, kiddo," she said and rumpled his hair as she stood and turned to walk inside.

Once she was inside she pulled out her cell phone. "Michael."

"Ma? What's wrong? What time is it?" Michael said obviously awakened from a sound sleep.

"It's early and your friend is hanging on by a thread?"

"Justin?"

"No sweetie, Brian. He's going to fall flat on his face if he doesn't go home and get some sleep. Now, get your ass out of bed; get up here and take him home to bed before they have to admit him into the hospital."

"Okay, Ma. I'm on my way."

*****  

"Knock, knock," Debbie said softly, as she opened the door to Justin's' room.

"Debbie, what are you doing here this early?"

"I have the breakfast shift this morning and I wanted to bring you some bagels and see how Sunshine is doing."

"Well, we have good news. He opened his eyes last night while Brian was with him."

"Oh Jennifer, that's wonderful. And he was okay?"

"Well, we don't really know, but he's starting to wake up so I guess we'll have the answer soon."

"Oh, thank God," Debbie said, crossing herself.

*****  

"Brian," Michael said as he sat down on the bench. "It's freezing out here."

Brian shrugged.

"Here." Michael handed him a greasy breakfast sandwich he had picked up on the way, "Eat."

"What is it?"

"Nutrition."

Michael realized just how low his friend really was when he didn't take the bait and snark about the fast food, but instead unwrapped it and took a bite. "Let me take you home, Brian. You need to sleep."

"No."

"Brian -"

"I'm fine." Brian remembered that he had to stay here for Justin for some reason, even if he was too tired to remember what the reason was.

"Well, then at least come inside, I'm freezing my ass off."

"Okay," Brian said, standing up. "Come on."

*****  

As Debbie was leaving to go to the diner she spotted Brian and Michael sitting in their area.

"What are you still doing here?" She asked as she walked over to Brian; then turning to Michael, "I thought I told you to take him home."

"Ma," Michael protested. "He doesn't want to go."

Debbie turned her attention back to Brian, squatting down in front of him. "Sweetie," she said in a more compassionate tone. "You need to get some sleep before you collapse."  

"I'm okay," Brian said.

"No, you're not, you've got to rest."

"I said I am fine," Brian growled through gritted teeth. He was sick of being told what to do. He had to stay here with Justin, couldn't they understand that?

Debbie frowned and stood up. "Michael, you better keep a close eye in him."

Michael nodded.

*****  

Brian and Michael sat there for the next few hours; every so often Brian would get up and walk down the hall to check on Justin. It was shortly before eight when Daphne walked in dressed in her school uniform.

"Daphne," Michael said. "What are you doing here?"

"Skipping school," Daphne said sighing and sitting down. "I tried to explain it to Mom, but she doesn't understand. So I was halfway to school when I realized I couldn't go without him. I couldn't go and face everyone, and face him not being there. I just couldn't."

Michael nodded.

"How is he?" she asked.

"He opened his eyes." Brian said.

"He did?" Daphne asked.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Michael added.

"Last night," Brian went on. "He wasn't awake for very long."

"Was he okay? Did he say anything?" Daphne asked.

"He looked at me when I said his name, then he fell back asleep."

Daphne smiled. "That's wonderful."

"Brian, what's going on?" Michael asked. If Justin was waking up, why was Brian so despondent?

Brian shook his head.

"But Justin woke up?"

Brian closed his eyes and rolled his lip into his mouth.

"What are you not telling me?"

"Nothing, Mikey. He seemed fine. I don't know; I just have a bad feeling."

"Bad feeling about what?" Daphne asked.

Brian looked away.

"Brian?"

"I don't know," Brian sighed, standing up and walking down the hall away from them, away from Justin, just away.

*****  

He pulled out his cell phone. "Cynthia." … "Listen, tell Ryder I have some personal business to tend to and I won't be in for a few days." … "You'll just have to handle it then," … "No, it's a family emergency. Listen I need to go. Just take care of things for me Cynthia. I'll owe you." … "Yeah, bye."

*****  

It was a few hours later when Jennifer walked down the hall and motioned for Brian. He stood and walked back with her to Justin's room. "He's been calling your name," she explained.

Brian walked into Justin's room and over to his bed. Justin was sleeping restlessly, mumbling and moaning.

"Brian," Justin whispered, then muttered something else Brian couldn't make out.

"Justin," Brian said. "Wake up."

Justin's eyes fluttered open.

"Justin," Brian said again, taking Justin's hand in his.

Justin looked around the room, "What...? Where am I? What happened?"

Jennifer stepped closer. "Do you remember getting hurt, sweetie?" The doctor had cautioned her about the probability of memory loss, especially of the more recent events.

"No, am I in the hospital? What's wrong with me?"

"You're fine," Brian said. "Just a bump on the head." Brian squeezed Justin's hand and noticed he didn't respond; the hand lay limp in his.

"Why can't I see out of my eye?"

"Which eye, sweetie? Your right one?" Jennifer asked.

"Yeah, I can't see out of it."

"It's still a little swollen from where you hit your head," Brian explained. "I'm sure you'll be able to see out of it soon." Brian squeezed Justin's hand again and still got no response. He laid that hand down and reached over taking Justin's left hand. Justin's fingers gripped around him tightly.

Justin turned to his mother, "Where's Dad? Is he still mad at me?"

Brian and Jennifer shared a look. "He's with your sister," she explained.

Justin nodded, satisfied with her answer, his eyes drifted closed, then opened again. "Brian? Will you wake me up when it's time to go home?"

 "Yeah," Brian said. "You go ahead and sleep now."

 Brian and Jennifer sat in silence watching Justin sleep for a few minutes.

"Has the doctor been in to see him yet today?" Brian finally asked.

"No, I thought since he was waking up the doctor would come in and check him."

Brian frowned and nodded.

"I don't like that he's not seeing out of that eye," Jennifer went on. Brian decided not to mention Justin's hand. "But he seemed okay, didn't he? I mean, he knew who we were."

Brian nodded and sat down in the chair.

"I think I'm going to go get some coffee and talk with the nurse again," Jennifer said.

Jennifer was only gone a few minutes. When she came back in, she handed Brian a cup of coffee. "The nurse said she is keeping the doctor informed and she's sure he will be here to see Justin before long."

Brian rubbed his temples. "I'm sure he'll be here soon."

"Brian," Jennifer softened the tone of her voice, "You need to sleep."

Brian stood. "Yeah, I know." He wasn't about to argue with her. "Let me know what the doctor says."

He walked back down and sat next to Michael.

"How is he?" Daphne asked.

"He opened his eyes again."

Daphne smiled. "That's great, Brian. He's finally waking up. I'm going to go keep Jennifer company."

As she walked away Brian sighed and closed his eyes.

Brian turned and looked at Michael. "He's got a long road ahead of him, Mikey. Even if nothing serious is wrong, he's not just going to get up and go home in a few days."

Michael nodded.

"He should be getting ready to graduate and attend PIFA and instead he's here."

"Brian -"

"Don't Mikey. Don't say it's not my fault."

Before Michael could answer an image on the TV screen in the corner caught Brian's eye. The television had been there all along with the sound muted, set to a twenty-four hour news channel. Up until now, Brian had paid no attention to it. But out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Chris Hobbs. The banner at the bottom of the screen read TEEN ARRAIGNED ON BATTERY CHARGES FOR PROM VIOLENCE. It had made the national news. Brian walked over to the set and turned up the sound.

"The teen was arraigned and released into the custody of his parents. The other young man remains in the hospital in critical condition.

"In the case of missing person Chandra Levee..." the news caster continued. Brian turned the set off.

"Brian? Are you okay?" Michael watched as Brian's breathing became rapid and shallow. "Come over here and sit down."

Brian felt like the walls were folding in on him. He could hear Michael's voice but it sounded distant, as if from underwater.

"Brian?"

"Get me out of here, Mikey," Brian said. He needed some fresh air.

Michael took his arm and led him to the elevators.

In the elevator, Brian stood in a daze. It reminded Michael of the state Brian was in the night after Justin's attack. The elevator came to a stop on the main level and Michael led Brian out through the lobby and to the exit. The fresh air hit Brian and began to clear his head.

"You want to sit down over there?" Michael pointed to the bench Brian sat on to smoke.

"No, take me home, Mikey. I need to go home."

"Okay, come on. I'm parked over there."

Brian got into the passenger seat and leaned back, closing his eyes.

"Don't fall asleep yet, Brian. I'll never get you awake to go inside."

*****  

They were almost home when Brian started talking. "He can't see out of his right eye. I told him it was because of the swelling, but what if it's not?"

Michael looked from the road to his friend and back.

"And I don't thing he can feel or move his hand. I was touching it and he didn't seem to notice. I would squeeze it and it was just limp."

"Brian, they said the effects could be temporary."

"I know," Brian let his eyes close again. "I can't do this, Mikey."

"Yeah, you can. You just need a shower and some sleep, then you'll be able to deal with things again." He pulled up in front of Brian's building. "Come on, let's go in."

Once in the loft Brian's exhaustion seemed to take him over completely. Michael led him to the bathroom and turned on the shower. When he looked back, Brian was just standing there. "Come on, you have to get undressed, Brian."

Michael helped him with his clothes and managed to get him into the shower. He gathered up the clothes on the floor then looked back in on Brian.

"Brian, get the soap and suds up."

Brian's movements reminded him of the zombies they used to see in the old movies they would watch as kids. Brian poured some shampoo in his hand and rubbed it into his hair and over his body. Then he reached over and turned the water off.

"Brian, what are you doing? You have to rinse off."

Brian slowly looked down to see the soap on his torso. "Oh," he said then reached out and turned the cold water back on full force. He didn't even flinch when the ice-cold water hit his skin. Michael shook his head and reached in to adjust the temperature.

Once Brian had rinsed off, Michael prompted him to turn the water back off. Then he took a towel and began drying off his friend. Brian was so exhausted he could barely stand.

"Come on," Michael led him out and pulled the blankets back from his bed. He watched Brian as he crawled in and was literally asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Michael pulled the blankets back up over Brian and made his way out into the living area taking a seat on the sofa. He pulled out his cell and dialed the diner.

"Ma, I finally got him home."

"You're a good man, Michael," Debbie said.

"I'm going to stay here with him. I don't want him to be alone. Will you call Jennifer and let her know where we are? I don't think she knows we left."

After talking with his mom, Michael turned the TV on with the volume low. He flipped through the channels until he found an old sci-fi movie. He stretched out on the sofa to watch it.

*****  

"Where's Brian?" Justin awoke again a few hours later and was upset when he realized Brian wasn't there.

"He's sleeping, honey. He needed to rest," Jennifer tried to explain.

"Go get him."

"Let's let him sleep a while longer, then we'll wake him," she felt like he was dealing with a toddler.

The doctor finally came though the door apologizing for the delay and explaining he had gotten held up in surgery.  

"I understand you're awake now, young man," he said as he began examining Justin. "Do you know where you are?" he asked while shining a penlight into first one eye then the other.

"The hospital."

"And do you remember how you got here?"

"No," Justin answered

"That's okay. It may come back to you. Do you know what day it is?"

"Not for sure."

"What about the month?"

"November. How come I can't see out of my eye?"

The doctor stole a glance with Jennifer. It was the month of April.

He shone the penlight into Justin's right eye again. "I don't see any damage to the eye itself. I would say your vision will begin to return as the swelling recedes."

He moved on to Justin's limbs. He took Justin's left hand "Can you squeeze my hand?"

He did.

The doctor moved on to Justin's right hand. "Again."

The hand didn't move. He glanced up quickly at Justin and saw panic starting to rise. "Can you feel my hand on yours?" he asked.

"No," Justin's voice was barely a whisper.

He laid the hand back down and moved down to Justin's legs. He pulled the blankets up to expose Justin's feet. "Can you wiggle your toes for me?"

Justin's toes on his left foot moved, his right foot didn't. From where Justin lay he couldn't see his feet. "Did they move?"

"You're doing fine," the doctor avoided the question. "Okay, tell me when you feel my poker touching you."

He pushed an ink pen against the base of his right foot. No response. He moved on to the left foot.

"There." Justin said. "I felt that."

The doctor continued moving further up both legs, confirming that Justin had no movement or feeling in his right arm or leg.

Justin was becoming more awake, more aware and was starting to grasp what was happening.

"Why can't I move my arm? What's wrong with me? Am I paralyzed? Mom, what's going on? What happened? Where's Brian? Why isn't he here?" He was becoming more and more upset.

"Justin calm down. It may be temporary," Jennifer tried.

"What happed to me?" He was starting to panic.

"Can't you give him something?" Jennifer asked. "To calm him a little?"

The doctor shook his head. "Not with a head injury."

"Mom."

"Son, calm down," the doctor said sternly, then looking into Justin's eyes he tried to answer some of his patients questions. "You've sustained a significant blow to the head and the paralysis is a result of that. Now there is a good chance it's temporary so let's just go with that for now, okay?"

Justin looked at him "Why can't I remember? How did it happen?"  

"You were the victim of an attack and it's not uncommon for head injury patients to have some short term memory loss. Your memory will more than likely start to return, although you may never remember all of the events."

"An attack? By who?"

"Right now you need to rest. We can answer your questions later when you're feeling better."

"But -"

"Justin," Jennifer said. "The doctor wants you to rest."

Justin was feeling extremely sleepy, but sleep was the last thing he wanted to do. He had only been awake for a few minutes; he wanted them to answer his questions.

"Where's Brian?" he asked again, the fight was starting to drain out of him.

"He'll be here in a little bit sweetie. You just sleep now."

Jennifer followed the doctor out into the hallway. "Doctor, is it really temporary, the paralysis?"

"We won't know for awhile. I'll want to run another cat scan on him tomorrow, that will tell us more."

"He seems more..." she paused searching for the right word.

"Impatient?" he asked.

"Yeah, and demanding, and emotional."

"It's very common in a head injury. It too may be temporary, but again-"

"We won't know for awhile," Jennifer finished.

*****  

Michael awoke and looked around. He must have fallen asleep on Brian's sofa. The last thing he remembered it was ten thirty and he was wondering if he should wake Brian. Now the clock on the DVD player read three in the morning.

He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes when he heard a voice. It sounded like Brian was talking to someone. Michael wondered if he was on his cell phone.

"Brian?"

He got up to go see who Brian was talking to. About halfway there he realized he was hearing Brian calling out in his sleep. He was having another nightmare.

"Justin!" Brian shouted and sat up in bed. Michael was at his side in mere seconds.

"Brian?"

Brian's chest was heaving; he had a sheen of sweat glistening on his skin. Michael saw the fear in his hazel eyes and knew what the dream had been about.

"Brian, it's okay," he said, sitting down on the bed and slipping an arm around Brian's shoulder.

"I wasn't fast enough. I tried to stop him but I was too far away. There was nothing I could do."

"What do you mean? You saved Justin. What would have happened if you hadn't been there to stop Chris? He could have killed Justin."

Brian looked at him. "Michael, don't you get it? If I hadn't been there it wouldn't have happened."

"You don't know that."

"Yeah, I do. What time is it anyway?"

"Three," Michael said.

"Fuck. Why didn't you wake me?"

"I fell asleep too. Besides you needed the rest."

"I've got to get back to the hospital. Jennifer won't leave him unless Deb or I are there," Brian said crawling out of bed and gathering up some clothes. "I'm gonna take a shower; be ready to drive me back to the hospital when I get out."

"Yeah, okay."

Less than ten minutes later they were back in Michael's car driving back across town. "Can we stop and get some coffee?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, but hurry."

"I'll go through the drive thru."

Finally Brian and Michael made it back to the hospital. Brian looked at his watch and realized he had been gone more than twelve hours, of course the day before when he had left, he wasn't sure he was coming back at all.

The halls of the hospital were quiet as he made his way to Justin's room. The lights in the room were dimmed but Brian could see Justin sleeping peacefully in his bed.

"There you are," the night nurse said when she came in to check on Justin. "Jennifer said you'd be back."

"Is she sleeping?" he asked.

"Yeah, we tried to get her to go home, but she wouldn't hear of it."

Brian nodded. "How is he?"

"He's doing fine. He's a fighter." The nurse left to tend to other patients and Brian tried to get comfortable in the chair and not think about Justin's limp hand.

"Hey," a sleepy voice said. "There you are."

"Here I am," Brian grinned.

"Mom said you went home to sleep," Justin said though a yawn.

"Yeah, I did."

"Next time you go will you let me know? I want you to bring up my CD player and some of my CD's and I need my text books too."

Brian tried to keep his face neutral; Justin's CD's and textbooks hadn't been at the loft since the whole fiasco with the break-in and the trip to New York to retrieve a certain run-away. "Yeah, I'll try to remember."

"'kay. I'm gonna sleep now," Justin mumbled as he drifted off.

Brian sat watching him the rest of the night.

Jennifer walked into her son’s room Tuesday morning to find her son’s lover sitting there.  Not that he would ever admit to being her son’s lover.  “Wow, you look better.  Did you finally get some sleep?”

 Brian blushed.  “Yeah, I did.”

 “Listen, Brian, I appreciate what you’ve done.  What you’re doing, but I don’t expect you to-”

 “You can’t do this alone,” Brian interrupted.

Jennifer frowned.  “But I don’t expect you to be the one who-”

 “Then who?” Brian asked, then sighed.  He knew that she had never been thrilled with Justin’s fixation on him, but honestly, who else was there? Justin’s father? “Can I talk to you? In the hall?” he asked.

She nodded and followed him out.  “He still thinks he lives with me,” Brian turned to her and said.

 “I know, yesterday the doctor asked him what month it was, he answered November.”

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose.  “What did the doctor say?  Are we to just play along?”

 “He thinks more of Justin’s memory will come back, although he may never remember everything.  He recommends we give him a few days and see what comes back to him on his own, and then start helping him fill in the blanks.”

Brian nodded, then looked back in through the doorway at Justin who was starting to wake up.  “Morning,” Brian said, walking back into the room.

 “G’morning,” Justin said through a yawn.  “I’m hungry.”

 “Yeah? I think I saw the breakfast cart coming down the hall.  Maybe they’ll bring you something.”

A nurse came in to check Justin’s vitals and an orderly brought in a breakfast tray soon after.

 “Mmmm, smells good,” Justin said as Jennifer helped him adjust the bed so that he could sit up a little.

Brian huffed. “Only you would think hospital food smells good.”

Jennifer pulled the lid off his plate to reveal scrambled eggs and toast.  She reached for the silverware.

 “I can do it,” Justin protested reaching to take the fork from her hands.

 “I just thought you might like some help.” Jennifer tried.

 “I can do it,” Justin repeated.

Jennifer sighed and stepped back, “Maybe I’ll go get some coffee for Brian and me,” she said.

Justin took the fork in his left hand and awkwardly tried to scoop some eggs into his mouth.

 “You should let her help you,” Brian said.

 “I don’t need someone to feed me,” Justin said as he tried again to scoop up some eggs onto his fork, but instead pushing them off the plate and onto the tray.

 “It appears to me that you do.  Besides, you’re acting like a brat.  She was only trying to help.”

 “Fine,” Justin said flopping back on the bed.  “I’m not hungry anyway.”

 “Shut up,” Brian said taking the fork and feeding Justin some of the eggs.

Justin took the offered food, then he sat back up. “Hey,” he said.

 “Hey, what? They can’t be that good.”

Justin took his left hand and covered his left eye. “No, I can see a little.”

 “Yeah?”

 “Yeah.  Not too much.  It’s kinda fuzzy, but I can see shapes and stuff.”

 “See, I told you it was temporary.  Here, if you hurry you can have the eggs eaten before your mother comes back in and catches me feeding them to you.” 

A little later Justin’s doctor came in making his rounds.  He looked into Justin’s eyes and tested his mobility again.  While he was pleased with the improvement in Justin’s vision, the paralysis still caused him concern.  “I’d like to order another CAT scan,” he told Jennifer.  “Hopefully it will tell us more about the extent of the damage.”

Jennifer nodded.

 “I’ll have an intern get it scheduled for later today and we should know more after reading the results,” he said and hurried off to attend to other patients.

 “What did he mean?” Justin asked.  “I thought he told us all this was temporary,” Justin said nodding toward his limp arm.

 “He just wants to run more tests, Justin,” Brian said.  “It doesn’t mean anything.”

 “But it may be permanent? The paralysis may be for real?” he asked.

 “I think the real question is how hard you’ll have to work to get back the movement,” Brian answered.

Justin nodded wanting to believe Brian, needing to trust his words, but unable to let go of his fear.

Brian sighed and asked, “Have you ever not gotten anything you set your mind too?”

Justin grinned.  “No.”

 “Okay then.  I need a cigarette.  Don’t be a brat for your mother.”

Justin stuck out his tongue as Brian headed toward the door.  “That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Brian said shaking his head. 

Sitting outside on the bench Brian pulled out his cell.  “Cynthia.”

 “Brian, when are you coming in? Ryder is pissed,” she said.

 “Ryder will get over it.” Brian pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Tell him I’ll be in this afternoon for a few hours.”

 “Okay.  And I moved all your appointments from yesterday to Thursday.  So now that day is booked solid.  Please tell me you’ll be here then.”

 “Yeah, that’s fine,”

 “So, Brian,” Cynthia’s tone softened.  “I saw in the paper… that kid… he was the one…you and he were…wasn’t he?”

 “Yeah.”  Brian’s voice also softened.

 “You were there?  You were the one the paper said stopped the attack?”

 “Yeah.” Brian’s voice was barely more than a whisper.

 “Is he going to be okay?” she asked.

 “Define ‘okay’,” he paused.  “He’ll live, he may never walk again, or draw again.  So I don’t know - what is okay?”

 “I’ll get Ryder off your ass.”

 “Thanks.  See you this afternoon.”  Brian flipped the phone shut and took a final drag from this cigarette before stubbing it out.”

When Brian got back to Justin’s room, Jennifer was standing in the hall talking with Debbie.  “Brian, you look a little better than last time I saw you,” Debbie said as he walked up to them.

 “Yeah, so I’ve been told,” he said.  “Justin sleeping?”

 “He was, yeah,” Jennifer answered.

Brian nodded and went on through the door.  Justin was snoozing soundly.  Brian sat down in his chair and picked up a paper left on Justin’s breakfast tray.  It was a menu from the cafeteria.  It seemed Justin was allowed to order what he wanted to eat.  Brian glanced at the sleeping boy and picked up the pen.  He knew Justin would eat pretty much whatever they brought, a picky eater he was not.  But he also knew Justin would order with his stomach not his head, so Brian went through the choices picking out things that Justin could eat with one hand.  Chicken nuggets, French fries, carrot sticks, even a sandwich would be easier to manage than a bowl of soup or a chicken breast.  Brian completed the form and slipped it back in the tray then slid the cart over by the door to be picked up.  Justin being able to feed himself would be one less thing for Jennifer to worry about.

A few minutes later, Jennifer came in and sat down.  “He still sleeps so much,” she said.

Brian nodded, “I suppose it’s to be expected.”

 “Yeah.”

 “Jennifer, I’m going to need to go into the office for a few hours this afternoon.”

 “Brian, I told you, I don’t expect you to be here all the time.  I understand.”

He nodded.  “I’ll be back this evening.”

 “I was thinking,” Jennifer stammered, “if Justin is still- well, if nothing changes I was thinking I’d stay home with Molly for a few hours this evening.”

 “I’ll be here.”

 “I’ll leave you my cell number, you can call me if he needs me.”

 “That would be fine.”

Justin stretched and opened his eyes.  “Is it time for lunch yet?”

Brian chuckled.  “Not yet.”  He supposed the fact that Justin still had his appetite was a good sign.

 “Mr. Taylor?” an intern asked, sticking his head in the door.  “Are you ready to go have your scan?”

Justin shrugged.

 “How long will it take?” Jennifer asked.

 “We should have him back in an hour or so.”

 “Come on, Jennifer.  I’ll buy you a late breakfast,” Brian said as they watch Justin being wheeled away. 

Not long after Justin was back in his room fresh from the radiation department, the doctor appeared in the doorway.  “How are you feeling?” he asked Justin.

Justin shrugged.  “Okay, I guess.”

 “What did the scan show, Doctor,” Jennifer asked.

 “There is nothing there to make me think Justin’s paralysis and loss of sensation in his limbs is permanent.”

 “Oh, thank God,” Jennifer said.

 “What do you mean?” Jennifer asked.

The doctor continued to address Justin. “To allow you to believe that the movement in your limbs will suddenly return would be irresponsible of me.  While I expect the sensation and control to return.  You will have to go through months of rehab to regain the full use of them.  And you may never have a hundred percent range.”

Brian watched the color drain from Justin’s face.  “Will I be able to walk?” he asked.

 “That’s up to you, son.  But with the proper rehabilitation I see no reason you won’t”

Justin looked down at his gimp hand.  Brian realized it was probably a blessing that Justin didn’t remember he had been accepted into PIFA.  “What about my hand?”

 “Justin’s an artist,” Jennifer clarified.

The doctor frowned.  “I’m sorry, Justin.  I don’t know that you’ll be able to regain the fine motor skills you had before.”

 “You don’t know Justin then, Doctor,” Brian said.  “If he sets his mind to it, then he’ll accomplish whatever rehab puts in front of him.”

The doctor gave Brian a look but didn’t argue.  He understood what Brian was trying to do and while he could appreciate it, he also hoped that Brian wasn’t giving Justin false hope.

 “When can I start rehab then?” Justin asked.

 “We’ll probably move you out of the trauma ward tomorrow or the next day.  We can start you in rehabilitation after that.”

Justin nodded.

 “I wish I had better news,” the doctor said as he left the room.

 “Justin,” Jennifer started.

 “Don’t, Mom.”

 “You’ll be just fine, you’ll see,” she said.

 “Didn’t you hear what he said?” 

 “But, honey-” Jennifer tried.

 “I heard him,” Brian interrupted.  “He said that this,” Brian motioned to Justin’s arm and leg, “is temporary.  He said you’ll have to work hard to get it back, but so what.  You’ll work hard and you’ll get it back. You’ll get up and out of bed and go on with your life.”

 “What’s life? What life will I have if I can’t draw?” Justin shouted, his fear showing through.

 “So draw,” Brian shouted back.  “Since when have you listened to anyone that said you couldn’t do something?”

Justin looked down.  “I don’t even know what happened.”

Brian sat down on the side of Justin’s bed. “You were attacked,” he said softly.

 “So you keep saying, but by who and why?”

 “By Chris Hobbs, because it offended him that we danced together.”

Justin’s eyes grew wide.

 “Brian,” Jennifer said.  “The doctor said to wait, let Justin remember on his own.”

Brian looked at her.  “He also said that Justin would probably never remember the attack.”

 “Where did he see us dance?” Justin asked.

 “Brian,” Jennifer warned.

 “If you still haven’t remembered by Friday, I’ll tell you,” Brian assured him.

 “Ready for lunch?” an orderly said coming in with a tray of food.

 “He’s always ready for lunch,” Brian answered, winking at Justin.

Jennifer helped Justin raise the bed then pulled the lid off the plate.  Justin looked down to see a chicken salad sandwich cut into four squares and a bag of potato chips.  Brian grabbed the bag and tore it open, dumping it on the plate.  “Voila,” he said.

 “At least they finally figured out I can’t use silverware and gave me finger food.” 

After lunch Brian told Justin he had to go into work for a few hours.

 “How long?” the nervousness played in Justin’s voice

 “I’ll try to be back before supper.”

Justin tried not to pout as Brian kissed the top of his head and walked out the door. 

 “Brian,” Cynthia said as he walked by her desk on the way to his office.

 “Hey,” he said.  “Come on in here and get me up to speed on everything.”

They spent the next hour going over accounts and campaigns.

 “So, how are you?” Cynthia finally asked while they took a short break.

 “I’m fine,” Brian answered not wanting to have the conversation.

 “You look tired.”

 “Thanks,” he smirked.

 “How’s Justin?”

 “He’s a tough kid, but the doctor told him today that he’ll probably never regain complete use of his hand.  That was hard for him to hear.”

Cynthia nodded.  “I’m sure it was.”

Ryder knocked on the door.  “Brian,” he said.  “Sorry to hear about, uh, your friend.”

 “Thanks,” Brian said.

“So will the kid be okay?”

Brian shrugged; he was getting tried of answering this question.  “He’ll never be the same, but yeah, he’ll be okay.”

Ryder nodded and turned to leave.

 “Hey, Marty,” Brian stopped him.

 “Yeah?”

 “Listen, his mother’s a single parent with another kid.  His shithead father has turned his back on him.  She can’t do this alone.”

 “Okay, what are you saying?”

 “That I’m going to need to have some time off to help her.  I’ll be here when I can, but I’ll need to be able to be at the hospital to help out.”

Ryder studied Brian.  “Okay,” he finally said.  “You can give a few of your smaller accounts to one of the junior execs, but I’ll still need you to oversee their work.  And I’ll need you on the major accounts.  I can’t risk losing their business.”

Brian nodded.  “Thanks,” he said.

Ryder left Brian’s office. Cynthia looked at him.  “You really care about this kid, don’t you?”

 “My personal life is not up for discussion,” Brian snarked.  “Now let’s get back to work, I told his mother I’d sit with him tonight so she can stay home with his sister.” 

Cynthia nodded.  She didn’t think she’d ever see Brian Kinney falling in love. 

It was almost five by the time Brian got back to the hospital.  He walked in the room to find Daphne sitting on the bed talking with Justin.

 “Hey,” Justin said as Brian walked over and kissed the top of his head.

 “Hey.”

 “Hi, Brian,” Daphne said.  “I’m sitting with Justin while Mrs. Taylor is home with Molly.  She said to tell you she’d be back up later this evening.”

 “I get a little freaked out if I’m alone,” Justin explained.

 “So, I better go now,” Daphne said.  “I’ve got homework to do.”

 “I’ll walk you out,” Brian said.  He turned to Justin seeing the panic in his eyes.  “I’ll be right back, I just forgot my cell phone in my car.  I won’t be long.”

Justin nodded.  “Hurry.”

 “You wanted to talk to me?” Daphne asked once they were down the hall and out of earshot.

 “I was just curious.  Did you tell him anything?”

 “You mean about what happened and everything else he doesn’t remember? No, Mrs. Taylor explained it to me, that we need to give him time to remember on his own.”

Brian nodded.  “The doctor said he may never have complete use of his hand again.”

 “Yeah, Justin told me.  He also said you told him it was bullshit that if he wanted it bad enough.”

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth.  “I just hope I’m right.”

 “Chris Hobbs was at school today,” Daphne said.  They stood in front of the elevator; she turned to look at him.

 “What?”

 “Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either.  I walked into class and there he was like nothing even happened.”

 “That son of a bitch,” Brian said, running his hand up through his hair.

 “I guess his parents have to escort him back and forth and he can’t participate in any after school stuff. But there he sat in biology class.”

 “Daph, that must have been hard for you.” She looked so small standing there in front of him.

 “Yeah, it was. At first everyone was watching me like they expected me to go into hysterics or turn around and attack him or something.  I just kept my eyes straight ahead.  I couldn’t look at him.”

Brian shook his head. “That sucks, Daphne. You shouldn’t have to go through that.”

 “Yeah, well, tell that to the teachers.  They’re just acting like it’s nothing.”  The elevator doors opened.  “You didn’t really leave you phone in your car, did you?”

Brian smiled.  “No.”

She nodded. “Well then, I better go home and you better get back in there before he starts freaking out.”

 “Yeah, you’re right.  See ya.”

 “See ya,” she said and turned to get on the elevator.

 “Daphne?”

 “Yeah?”

Brian chewed his bottom lip.  “If you need anything, you know… well, you can call me.  You know that, right?”

 “Thanks,” she said and gave him a small smile. 

When Brian got back to Justin’s room they had delivered his supper.

 “The doctor said they’ll transfer me to a regular room in a day or two, then I can start having more visitors.”

 “Yeah, I was here when he came in,” Brian said.

 “Oh yeah.” Justin took another French fry from his plate, but only played with it.  “Hey, Brian?”

 “Yeah.”

 “I don’t live with you anymore, do I?” Justin studied the fry in his hand as if it held the answers.

 “Why do you say that?”

Justin shrugged “I remember things but it’s like I don’t know what order they happened in.  Like I remember Christmas.  At first I thought it was the Christmas before I met you, but I remember coming to your house on Christmas day.  So I know it’s not November.  And I remember Molly’s birthday and you coming to find me in New York, and living at Debbie’s in Michael’s old room.”

Brian nodded. “Yeah, you don’t live at the loft, until a few days ago you lived at Debbie’s,” he acknowledged.

 “But you were with me when I was attacked?”

 “Yeah.”

 “So it’s not like we broke up, it’s just that we don’t live together.”

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Justin, you lived with me, but we weren’t ever really a couple.”

 “Oh.”

Brian watched Justin.  He swore he could see the wheels in Justin’s head spinning.  “Yeah,” Justin said as he remembered more. “I was there cause Dad wouldn’t have my disgusting lifestyle in his house.”

 “Something like that. Listen, don’t try to remember everything tonight, your head’s going to explode.”

Justin frowned.  “I’m just missing this chunk of my life. I’m lying in a hospital bed with a gimp arm and leg and can barely see out of my eye and I can’t even remember what happened.  It’s so frustrating.”

Brian moved from the chair over to sit on the side of Justin’s bed.  “Well, remembering isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” he said softly.

 “When’s Mom coming back?”

 “I don’t know.  Soon I’m sure.”  Brian leaned in and brushed the hair from Justin’s forehead, then placed a kiss on his pale skin.  Justin reached his hand up and pulled Brian down to capture his lips.  Brian kissed him gently but broke it off before their bodies had time to respond.

Justin grinned up at him and went back to his supper.  “Why do these chicken strips smell like oranges?”

 “What?” Brian asked.

 “The… Um…” Justin stammered.

 “Justin? What’s wrong?” Brian watched as Justin’s eyes rolled back in his head and his body went limp.

 “Justin.”

Justin’s body began jerking as a seizure tore through it.

 “Justin,” Brian called out as he reached over to hit the nurse’s call button while trying to hold Justin down so that he wouldn’t fall out of the bed.

Two nurses and an intern came running in.  “Step back, sir. We’ve got him,” one said as they moved around Brian pushing him out of the way.  Brian watched as the doctor injected something in the IV and Justin’s body went limp.

 “What the fuck was that?” Brian asked running his hand through his hair.

 “He had a slight seizure,” the intern explained.

 “Slight?”

 “It’s really common in head injury patients.”

 “So another thing he’s got to look forward to?”  Brian closed his eyes.

 “We can control them with medication if he continues to have them,” the intern tried to reassure Brian.

 “So then, is he okay?”

 “He’s fine.  He’ll probably sleep for the rest of the night.  The sedative I gave him was fairly strong.  When he wakes up he probably won’t remember that anything happened.”

 “Great,” Brian sighed and slumped down on his chair.  “More to forget.” 

 “Brian?” Jennifer asked walking in the room later that night.  “What’s going on?”

Call it mother’s intuition or what you want; all Jennifer knew was she could tell something was wrong.  She could see it in Brian’s posture, in his eyes.

Brian looked at her with a haunted look.  “He had a seizure.”

 “What? My God.  Why didn’t you call me?”

Brian shrugged.  “To do what? The whole thing was over in minutes and since then he’s just been sleeping.”

 “But, is he okay?”

Brian frowned.  “They said that seizures are common with head injuries and they can control them with meds.”

Jennifer sighed and sat down.  Brian felt bad for her.  She had more to deal with then anyone should.  “I’m sorry.  I should have called, but there wasn’t anything you could have done.”

She nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.  I just, shit, Brian.  When does this end?” 

 “Hello?” Michael had been sleeping soundly when the ringing of the phone interrupted his dreams.

 “Michael Novotny?”

 “Speaking.”

 “Yeah, this is Tony, the bartender at Woody’s and I thought maybe you would come down here and give your friend a ride home.”

 “Brian?”

 “Yeah.  I’ve taken his keys, and I tried to cut him off but he just started making the guys buy him a drink before he’d let them blow him.”

 “Shit,” Michael sighed.

 “Yeah, he’s in a bad way.  I didn’t know who else to call.  It’s over that kid isn’t it? That one he

“Yeah,” Michael said crawling out of bed.  “Thanks for calling me.  I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

 “Okay good, cause I hate to see anyone like this.”

 “Yeah, I know.” Michael hung up the phone.  “Emmett? Emmett, get up.  I need you to drive me to go get Brian.” 

 “Mikey? What are you doing here?” Brian slurred when Michael walked up him; a big grin plastered across his face.

 “I’m here to take you home.”

 “Oh.  Well, I don’t want to go home yet.  I’m still having fun.”

Michael eyed him.  He was about as wasted as Michael had ever seen him. “You’ve had enough fun.  Come on.”

Just then a tall brunet walked over carrying a glass.  “Here you go, Brian,” he said handing Brian the drink.

 “Don’t give him that,” Michael protested.

The dark haired beauty just shrugged.  “He said he’d let me blow him.”

 “And that, I will,” Brian said downing the drink and rising to his feet.  His eyes blinked slowly, trying to focus on the spinning room as he tried to find his balance.  “Come on,” he mumbled then his knees buckled.

Michael reached out and grabbed one of Brian’s arms while the trick grabbed the other one.  “Help me get him to the car,” Michael asked of the stranger.

 “Yeah, sure.”

They managed to half walk half drag Brian to the door.  “Michael,” the bartender called out.  Michael turned and the man tossed Brian’s keys to him.  “I hope that kid is all right.”

 “Thanks,” Michael said as he caught the keys and moved Brian out the door.

 “What kid?” Brian slurred out.  “What’s he talking about?”

 “Nothing,” Michael said.  “Where’s your jeep?” Michael said.

 “It’s out here somewhere.”  Brian tried to get his feet under him, but they seemed to be made of rubber.

 “There it is,” Michael said, spotting it not far away. They manhandled Brian over and propped him up against the side. “Brian, stand here a second,” Michael said as he took the keys and began to unlock the door. 

Brian mumbled something incoherent and slumped over leaning against the trick.  “You want me to come with you? I could help take care of him,” the stranger asked.

Michael could see the look in the guy’s eyes.  He supposed, to some, a drunken fuck from Brian Kinney was something to go after.  “No, thanks.  I have my roommate with me. He can help.”

Brian muttered something again then leaned over and threw up all over the guy’s shoes.  “Son of a bitch!” the trick yelled jumping back.  Michael reached out and grabbed Brian barely keeping him from falling head first into his own puke.

 “Oops, sorry,” Michael said as the trick strode off, back down the sidewalk.  “Come on, Brian.  Get in the jeep and I’ll drive you home.” 

Michael pulled the jeep up to Brian’s building and parked behind Emmett who was sitting in his car waiting.  “I’m gonna need help,” he called to Emmett as he got out of the driver’s side door.

Michael and Emmett managed to get Brian out of the vehicle and into the elevator.  “This is so like him,” Emmett said.  “Out partying it up while Justin’s lying in the hospital.”

Michael shook his head.  “It’s not like that and you shouldn’t say something like that right in front of him.”

 “Oh please, like he’ll remember anything in the morning.  Look at him Michael, he’s barely conscious.”

The elevator stopped on Brian’s floor and they dragged him out and into his loft.  “What do we do with him now?” Emmett asked.

 “Face down on his bed, so at least if he gets sick….”

 “Should one of us stay here?  You don’t suppose he drank enough to have alcohol poisoning do you?”  Emmett wrinkled his nose.

 “Brian,” Michael shouted.  “Wake up.”

Brian mumbled a few syllables but never opened his eyes.

 “Brian,” Michael tried again a little louder. No response.

 “I think he’s okay,” Michael said, “but maybe I better stay, just in case.”

 “So you really think he’s that upset over Justin? Is that what this is all about?”

 “He blames himself, and yeah, Mom said that the doctor said today that he didn’t expect Justin to ever regain all his motor skills; that he will probably never be able to draw again.  I’m sure Brian is blaming himself even more.”

“Well, maybe we both should stay, that way we can sleep in shifts.”

 “Thanks, Em.”

  “Hey Michael,” Emmett said slipping off his jacket.  “I never said it, but I’m glad you decided to stay here, to not go to Portland.”

 “Yeah, well, this is my home,” he shrugged.  “I’ll take the first shift.  You go sleep on the sofa for a few hours.”

 “Okay, what are you going to do?”

 “Sit here by the bed and make sure he’s okay I guess.  Maybe I’ll find a book or something.”

“He’s lucky to have a friend like you, Michael,” Emmett said turning to go make his bed in the other room.

Michael sighed and sat down next to Brian.  “Why do you do this to yourself?” he asked his slumbering friend.  There was no answer. But then, there never was.

“Michael,” Emmett whispered nudging his friend.  He had awoken on Brian's sofa to the most god-awful noise.  It took him a little while to figure out it was the sound of Brian's snore.  “Good God, how can anyone sleep through that?” he muttered and went to see if he could maybe put a sock in Brian's mouth or something.

When he walked over to the bed, Brian was laying flat on his back, Michael was curled up on the side of the bed sleeping, somehow, through the noise.  The red display on Brian's alarm clock read 5:10.

 “Michael,” Emmett nudged him again. “Let's go home.”

 “Humm?” Michael opened his eyes.  “What time is it?”

 “A little after five, and how can you sleep next to that?” he motioned toward Brian, still snoring loud enough to wake the dead.

Michael shrugged.  “I must have drifted off.  I suppose it's okay to leave now.”

 “Yeah, he's fine.  Besides as hung over as he's going to be, well, let’s just say I don't want to be anywhere near him when he finally comes to.” 

Brian awoke to the annoying buzz of his alarm clock.  It sounded as if it were going off inside his head.  He slapped at the clock until he hit the button to silence it.  He let his eyes fall back shut hoping to catch a few more hours of sleep.  His head pounded, his eyes burned, his whole body ached.  He tried to remember how he got home but thinking only made his head hurt more.   Then his stomach rolled and lurched, he jumped from the bed and barely made it to the toilet before he emptied his gut.  He puked so hard he swore it was coming from his toes.  When the heaving finally stopped Brian flushed the toilet and pulled himself to his feet.  He turned on the shower and stood under the hot spray.  Again he tried to remember the night before.  The seizure -  that’s how it had started; then the trip to Woody's.  After that everything was a blur.

He stepped out of the shower and dried his body, then slipped on a pair of jeans and a tee.  Slipping on a jacket, he grabbed his sunglasses, wallet, keys and cigarettes and headed out the door.

There sat his jeep in its usual parking place.  He had no memory of how it got there.

On the way to the hospital he pulled in a drive thru for coffee, hoping the caffeine would make him feel somewhat human.

Jennifer and Debbie were standing out in the hallway when Brian walked up to Justin’s room. 

 “Brian?” Jennifer saw him first.

 “Holy cow, you look like shit.  And just where have you been?  Justin's been asking for you all morning,” Debbie started in.

Brian held up his hand to stop her.  “Not now, Deb.  You can berate me later.  Right now, I have all the noise in my head I can handle.”

To Debbie's credit she sighed and let it go.

 “How is he today?” Brian asked Jennifer.

“He seems fine. He says his vision is a little better, but he has no memory of the seizure.  He remembers talking with you last night but he doesn't remember anything else.”

 “Did you tell him?”

 “The doctor did when he was in earlier.”

Brian nodded then turned to go face the music.

He walked into Justin's room and saw him sitting up in bed.  “Brian, there you are,” Justin said grinning brightly.

 “Hey,” Brian said giving Justin a quick kiss before sitting down in his chair.  He found it  hard to meet Justin's eyes.  He felt guilty.  That was something new.  Not guilty about the prom, but guilty for running out last night. 

So he went out and got his needs met, that was nothing to feel guilt over.  But, he felt he had let Justin down in some way.

 “Wow,” Justin said when Brian finally pulled off his sunglasses. “You’re looking a little hung over.”

Brian frowned.  “Just a little tired.”

Justin shook his head.  “You got bombed last night, I know that look. Was it because I had that seizure? Was it that bad?  I mean, I don't remember, but the doctor told me. Did it freak you out?”

 “I'm fine,” Brian said trying to look Justin in the eye to convince him it was true, even if it wasn't.

Justin nodded.  “So anyway, the doctor said that they’ll move me to a regular room this afternoon and then I can have more visitors.  So Daphne, Emmett, and Lindsay can come see me instead of just calling Mom and Deb all the time.”

Brian nodded.  “That's great.”  He rubbed his temple, wishing he had some aspirin or Vicotin to get rid of his headache.

 “Yeah, and I can see a little better, but I still can't move my arm or leg yet.  I keep trying but-”

 “Justin.”

 “Yeah? Oh - Yeah, you probably have a headache, huh?”

Brian wet his lips.  “Yeah.”

Justin nodded.  “Sorry,” he whispered.

They sat like that for a while.  Brian wished he could lay back in the chair and close his eyes, but that would only give Debbie more to bitch about.  He could still see her and Jennifer out in the hall visiting.

 “Brian?”  Justin's voice was softer, trying to be considerate of Brian's condition.

 “Yeah?”

 “Was it at the prom?”

Brian's world stopped.  All he knew was that there was no way he felt up to having this conversation.  “What?” his voice cracked.

 “The prom? Is that where we danced? I remember asking you to be my date and you turning me down.  But did you change your mind or something?  Is that where Hobbs attacked me?”

Brian felt the color drain from his already pale face.  “Um,” he stammered.  Suddenly the hospital room was too hot, too stuffy and way too small.  He had to get out of there.  “I need a cigarette,” he said and bolted for the door.

 “Brian?” Jennifer called as he blew by.  She turned back to her son. “Justin?”

 “It’s okay, Mom.  Let him go.  He'll be back.”

Jennifer nodded wondering what Justin had said to him to cause him to flee like that. 

The fresh air hit Brian's face as he exited the hospital.  He reached in his pocket for his keys and smokes; he had to get away from there.  His cell rang as he pulled out of the parking lot.  Looking at the ID, he rolled his eyes.  “Hello, Mikey.”

 “How are you feeling today?”

For an instant Brian remembered being at Woody's and Michael telling him it was time to go home.  “Like shit.  You drove me home?”

 “Yeah,” Michael admitted.

 “How did you know where I was?”

 “The bartender called me.  He didn't want to witness the train wreck you were about to become.  Are you at the hospital? I called the loft and your office, I figured you must be there.”

 “Just leaving.”

 “Yeah? Where are you going now?”

 “Home to change clothes and then to work.  I can't just sit up there and hold his hand all day.  That's his mother's job.”

Michael frowned wondering exactly what had happened to cause Brian's reaction. After what he witnessed last night it must have been something major.

 “Shit, Mikey, he's not my responsibility,” Brian went on, his voice growing louder.  “I can't be his nurse maid.  I can't do this.  He should know not to rely on me.”

 “Brian,” Michael interrupted.  “Calm down.  No one's asking anything from you.”

 “I gotta go, Mikey.  I'll talk to you later,” Brian said flipping his phone shut before Michael could answer. 

 “Brian. I wasn't expected you until after lunch,” Cynthia said when she looked up to see her boss striding toward her.

 “I came in early,” Brian muttered as he walked by.

She jumped up following him to his office.  “I moved all your appointments.  The first one isn't until two.”

 “That's fine.  I have plenty to get caught up on,” Brian said.

She nodded.  “So, how's Justin?”

Brian closed his eyes.  He was so sick of that question.  “He's fine.”

 “Good,” she said taking the hint and turning to leave.

 “And Cynthia?”

 “Yeah?”

 “I don't want to be disturbed.  You understand?  I'm not here.  No phone calls, no drop ins, no one.  Got it?”

She chewed her lip. “Got it.” 

 “Justin?  Did you and Brian have a spat?” Jennifer asked later that morning.

Justin rolled his eyes.  “No, Mother, we didn't have a spat.”

 “Well, I just wondered; the way he left-”

 “Leave it alone, Mom.”

A couple of orderlies arrived at the door.  “Mr. Taylor? We're here to move you up to the general ward.”

 “Yeah?” Justin grinned.  “Does that mean I can have more visitors?”

 “I wouldn't know anything about that,” one of the attendants said as they began unhooking the machines from the wall and preparing to move the bed and all. 

 “Daphne,” Justin said when his friend stuck her head through the door, that afternoon.

 “I couldn't find you,” she said smiling and pulling up a chair.  “I went to your old room and you weren't there.”

 “No shit.  I'm here,” he said grinning.

 “So where's your mom?”

 “She went to go pick up Molly from school.  She'll be back later.  Daphne, did Brian come with me to our prom?” Justin dove in with the question he had had on his mind all day.

  “Um,” she stammered, not sure if she should tell him.

 “I remember asking him, but he turned me down.  That's the last thing I can remember.  When I asked Brian about it this morning, he totally freaked out and left.”

Daphne frowned.  “I was your date to the prom,” Justin's face grew puzzled.  “But Brian showed up.”

Justin lit up.  “He did?”

  “Yeah.  You guys danced one dance.  You should have seen it Justin,” Daphne lost herself in the memory.  “You had the whole dance floor to yourselves. And the way he looked at you; I swear I thought the other kids' heads would explode.  Then he spun you around and kissed you.”  She stopped and sighed.  “You left to walk him to his jeep.  I was beginning to think you had ditched me when I heard what had happened.”

 Justin sat chewing on the end of this thumb as he listened to her.  “So that's where it happened?  In the parking lot at the prom?”

She nodded.

 “He kissed me? In front of everyone? Shit.  I wish I could remember.”

 “So what did he freak out about this morning?”

 “I'm not sure,” Justin shrugged.  “I had some sort of seizure last night while he was here. I think that freaked him out ‘cause he didn't even get here today until almost nine, and he looked really hung over.  But when I asked him about the prom he bolted.  I'm worried about him, Daph.”

She shook her head.  “You're the one in the hospital.”

 “Yeah, but if he witnessed the whole thing, I mean, I'd be a little freaked out if I saw someone take a bat to his head.”

“Yeah, he was pretty messed up that night. He wouldn't talk to anyone; he just sat out in the hallway staring into space.”

 “Really?  He was that upset?  But see, that’s what I mean.  So if he hasn't come back here by the time you go home I need you to stop by the loft and check on him.”

 “Me?”

 “Well, who else?”

 “Why don't you call one of his friends?”

“Yeah, okay.  Maybe he'll come back before then.”

The two friends went on talking until they heard a soft knock on the door.  Both turned to see Mel and Lindsay.

 “Justin?” Lindsay asked.  “Are you awake?”

 “Yeah, come on in.”

 “Hi, Daphne,” Lindsay said as she and Melanie came into the room.

 “We can't stay long, we have to go pick up Gus, but we wanted to come see how you're doing.”

 “I'm doing better,” Justin said.  “I’m starting to get my vision back and the doctor said I should start regaining the feeling and movement in my arm and leg soon.”

Mel and Lindsay exchanged a look.  “That's great, sweetie,” Lindsay said.

 “Justin, I need to go home,” Daphne said standing up and gathering her jacket.

 “But you'll do what we talked about, right?”

 “Yes, and I'll call you when I get home.”

 “Okay,” Justin said.  “Will you come back tomorrow?”

 “If my mom will let me.”

 “She better,” Justin said grinning.

 “Bye, Daphne,” Mel and Lindsay said as she walked out the door.

 “I'll be glad when the rest of the swelling goes down and the bruises are gone, so I don't look like such a freak,” Justin said into the uncomfortable silence that had settled in the room.

 “You don't look like a freak,” Lindsay tried to reassure.

 “So, how's Gus?” Justin asked, ready to change the subject. 

Brian stayed sequestered in his office until after five.  His head still throbbed and his eyes still burned but at least his stomach had finally calmed down.  He cursed himself for drinking so much the night before.

Cynthia appeared at his door.  “I'm going home, Bri.  You need anything?”

“No,” he answered, then changed his mind.  “Wait.  What time is my first appointment tomorrow?” 

“Eight.”

He nodded.  “Thanks.  G'night.” 

“Night.”

After she left Brian began clearing his desk and shutting down his computer.  If he went home now and went to bed, he should have no trouble getting here early in the morning to put on the finishing touches on the account.  Besides he was too tired to be at his best.  Better to get some sleep and look at things tomorrow with fresh eyes.

He turned off the lights in his office and closed the door.

Driving home he tried not to think of Justin at the hospital.  The kid wasn't his responsibility and yeah, he had implied to Jennifer he would help out, but really, she was right; it wasn't his place. 

Once home he stripped and crawled into the shower letting the hot water cascade over his tired muscles.  He took his dick into his hand and gave it a couple of tugs before letting it fall, deciding he was too tired to even beat off.

Once in bed, he let out a long breath and closed his eyes.

Whack

His eyes flew open.  Sighing he flopped over onto his side and fluffed up the pillow. Again letting his eyes drift shut.

Justin, his own voice echoed in his head.

He threw the covers back and climbed out of bed, padding to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. He refused to be haunted by the dream tonight. He rummaged through until he found what he was looking for.  Opening up the bottle he shook out a sleeping pill then thinking it over he shook out another and popped both pills in his mouth washing them down with tap water.

He strode back to his bed, flopping down on the mattress.  He laid, staring at the ceiling trying to keep his mind blank until the drugs kicked in. 

Justin was just about to reach for the phone and call Daphne's house when it rang.  “Hello?”

 “Justin, hey, sorry.  I got home and I couldn't remember your room number.”

 “Yeah, so what did he say?”

 “I don't think he was home.  He didn't answer his door and all the lights were off.”

 “Was his jeep there?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Then he was home.  Are you sure you knocked hard enough for him to hear?”

 “Yeah, I know how to knock on a door.  Maybe he went with someone in their car.”

 “I doubt it, but thanks anyway,” Justin said hanging up the phone.  He sat staring at the dial for a minute then picked the receiver back up and keyed in Michael's number.

 “Hello.”

 “Michael, it's Justin.  Have you seen Brian today?”

 “Oh, hi, Justin.  Ma said they moved you to a regular room.”

 “Yeah, but have you seen Brian today?”

 “I talked to him on the phone this morning.  He had just left the hospital and was going home to change and on to work, why?”

 “Did he seem upset?”

 “I don't know,” Michael was evasive. “Why? What's up?”

 “I think something's wrong.  Daphne went by the loft and his jeep was there but he wouldn't answer his door.”

 “Maybe he was in the shower.  Did you try calling his cell?”

 “No, I don't want him to think I'm checking up on him.”

 “So you want me to do it?”

 “He won't think anything about you calling him.  I know it's probably nothing, but I'm starting to freak out,” Justin said trying to keep the fear out of his voice.  He was being irrational and he knew it, but he didn't know how to stop it.

 “Okay, stay calm. I'll call him and see what's up.”

 “Maybe you should go over there.”

 “Okay, okay, I'll go over.”

 “And call me back? I'm in room 221.”

Michael sighed, “Yeah, I'll call you.”

Michael hung up the phone and ran his hand over his face.  He knew Brian was hurting over all that was happening to Justin, but he really didn't know how to help.

"Brian?" Michael called out as he entered the loft. After Justin had called him he had tried Brian's cell and then home phone but hadn't got an answer on either. Finally he gave up and borrowed Emmett's car to go check on his friend.

"Brian?" He saw him stretched out on the bed. "Brian?" he said as he sat down on the side of the mattress. "Brian, wake up."  

Brian never stirred. Michael watched him sleep, looking for signs of trouble. His breathing was slow and deep. Michael lifted one of his eyelids; his pupils weren't dilated. He was okay, just sleeping really soundly. Michael stood and looked around for any telltale signs. He walked into the bathroom and saw the prescription bottle on the counter. Picking it up he read the label; they were sleeping pills. He opened it up; there were still six or seven in the bottle. Yeah, Brian was fine, he had just wanted some peace from the world for a few hours. Michael sat the bottle down and went back out to check on his friend one more time before driving home.

"Yeah, Justin. Listen, he was asleep. That's why he didn't hear the door. He's okay, really."

"Are you sure? 'Cause this morning he seemed-"

"Listen Justin, Brian feels guilty about what happened to you and then on top of that he really cares for you. Those aren't things Brian's used to feeling. He's freaking out a little. Give him some time. He'll be fine."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks Michael."

"Who were you talking to?" Jennifer said coming into the room.

"Um, Michael. He heard I was in a regular room and called to see how I was."

"That was nice of him."

"So, how's Molly?"

"She's fine. Misses her brother."

Justin huffed. "I doubt that, maybe you can bring her up."

"Oh, honey, I don't think they'd let her. She's too young."

"Oh, yeah."

"You know, sweetie, now that you're not in the trauma ward they're not going to let me stay here all night."

"They're not?"

"No, they said they'd bend the visiting hours some, but I'll have to go back home pretty soon."

"For the whole night?" Justin was trying to not let the panic take hold. He was being irrational again, he knew. But he was afraid to be alone.

"Why don't I go talk to the nurse and see if maybe they can give you something to help you sleep."

"Okay."

It wasn't long before the nurse came in with a pill for Justin to take. Jennifer sat quietly beside his bed until she was sure he was sleeping soundly then slipped out to go home.

Brian was up and in his office by six Thursday morning. He had to admit he felt better than he had in days all due to some solid sleep. He wished he knew of a way to relieve the guilt he carried around, but that seemed to be a more permanent fixture. He would have to live with his actions and how they had hurt Justin. He shook off his thoughts. Guilt and regret would get him nowhere. Besides he had to dazzle a client in a few short hours.

Jennifer awoke in her own bed for the first time since the attack. Molly had stayed the night with her dad again. Jennifer planned to let Craig have her for the rest of week and the weekend but she knew that starting Monday she needed to go back to work and bring Molly home. There were bills to be paid and Justin was on the road to recovery although just how long of a road that was, they still didn't know.

Today she would go back to the hospital and spend the day. She still wondered what had happened between Brian and Justin. She hated to think that Brian had run out on her son. She knew what he meant to Justin, not to mention she could really use his help with Justin's care.

Justin was awake and agitated when she arrived.

"Where have you been?" he snapped at her.

"I was at home. Where did you think I would be?"

"I don't like being left alone."

"Sweetie, I can't be here twenty-four hours a day. Why does it bother you to be alone?"

Justin's eyes dropped to his lap. "It just does."

"Honey, you're safe here. No one can hurt you. You know that, right?"

He shrugged.

She sighed and sat down in the chair. "What do you want me to tell you?" she asked.

"Is he in jail? Is he even being punished?"

"Honestly, I've been too concerned with you to pay much attention to that. I know he was arrested and charged."

"So he's in jail?"

"I'm not sure. I would imagine that his parents have put up bail for him."

Justin nodded. "So, he's probably out. At home."

"You don't need to worry over that though, sweetie. You just concentrate on getting well."

"I'm not sick."

"You know what I mean."

Shortly after lunch Cynthia buzzed Brian's phone. "Michael's on line one."

"Thanks, Cynthia. Hey Mikey," he said picking up the receiver. "What's up?"

"Just calling to check on you. I stopped by last night."

"Yeah. I turned in early."

"I know. I let myself in. You were out cold."

Brian pushed his chair back from his desk. He didn't like where the conversation was headed. "I was tired. What did you want, Mikey?"

"I just wanted to know how Justin's doing?"

"I don't know. Why don't you call his mother, or yours? He's not my responsibility."

"Calm down, Brian. No one is saying he's your responsibility. But I thought he was your friend."

"He's a trick that wouldn't go home; and look what it got him. Listen, Mikey, I gotta go. I have a meeting with a client in ten minutes."

"Okay. So what are you doing tonight?"

"Who knows? I'll be here until late, then probably Woody's and Babylon, you know, the usual. Why? You want to join me?"

"No, and I don't want to get a call from the bartender to come take your drunken ass home either."

"Well then turn off your phone. No one asked you to be my keeper. Gotta go, Mikey," Brian hit the release button before Michael could respond.

"Hey, Justin. How're you doing today?" Daphne asked when she stopped by after school.

Justin grinned at her. "Okay I guess. Brian still hasn't been by. I think all this freaked him out. I just wish I could talk to him."

"So call him."

"No. This is Brian we're talking about here."

Daphne rolled her eyes.

 "So, Daph. Is Hobbs back at school?"

"Um, why do you ask?"

"I know it was him that bashed me. Mom said he was arrested but she figures he was released on bail. I just wondered if he was back in school." He studied her face. "He is, isn't he?"

She looked down. "Yeah, he is."

"Shit, Daphne. That is so unfair. What is everyone saying?"

"Nothing really. Everyone pretty much avoids him except for his creepo jock friends."

"I had a dream last night that he came up here looking for me," Justin said, his voice soft, looking down at his lap.

"Justin, that's awful."

"You don't think he would, do you? Come up here, I mean."

"No way. He'd never. Besides he's on house arrest or something. He can only go to school and he's escorted there and back."

"I wish Brian would come back," Justin sighed. "I wouldn't be so scared if he were here."

Daphne frowned and patted his hand.

That evening Jennifer sat with her son until the nurse gave him a sleeping pill and he drifted off. While she was leaving the hospital, across town Brian was walking out of his office. He had stayed after the last meeting with his client to try to get a head start on his newest campaign. He glanced as his watch. It was late; surely Justin would be asleep by now. He felt the twinge of guilt needle at him again; he tried to brush them aside. The kid wasn't his responsibility.

Friday morning Brian got up and went back to the office. He had a plan, he would bury himself in his job and if that didn't work, well, there were other ways of pain management.  

He managed to lose himself most of the day, barely thinking of the blond at all until he looked up to see Daphne standing in his doorway.

His heart sank, fearing the worst. "Is he…?"

Daphne walked in and sat down. "Is he what? Pissed? Confused? Afraid? Why don't you go up there and ask him?"

"I've been busy," he barked. Now he was pissed. She wasn't here to deliver bad news, she was here to bitch at him.

"He needs you."

"To do what? Hold his hand? His mother can do that. Besides what good will it do? I can't fix him."

"It's not about fixing him, Brian. God, for a big shot ad man you can sure be pretty stupid. You care about him; I know you do. I was there; remember? I saw you that night; the way you looked at him. So why are you turning tail and running now?"

Brian sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "He's better off without me."

She chuckled. "That may be true, but that's not the point. He loves you and right now he needs you. And more than that, you love him. And don't you even try to tell me your 'I don't believe in love' bullshit. He may not remember that dance, but I do." She stood and walked over to stand in front of his desk. "Now get your head out of your ass before you fuck this up beyond repair, because I've seen a glimpse of your life and Justin is the best thing that's ever happened to you." With that she turned and left his office while he sat stunned over what she had said.

The rest of the day was a wash. Brian was too distracted by Daphne's words to concentrate on anything. Around six he finally gave up to go home.

After a shower and change of clothes, he sat down on the sofa and lit up a joint. Daphne was right; Justin was the best thing that had happened to him. And the kid needed him; the only reason he was sitting here instead of up there with him in the hospital was because he did feel something and that scared the piss out of him.

Jennifer walked out of the hospital. She had promised the sitter she would be home by eight. Justin was upset that she wasn't staying later, but she had no choice; Craig had backed out on keeping Molly for the weekend so she had to get home. She looked up to see Brian walking toward her.

"Brian," she said.

He stopped in front of her. She watched as he chewed on his lip and avoided her eyes. Sometimes he acted so much like a little kid. She could see the shame in his eyes, and maybe a little fear. Did she intimidate him? It had never occurred to her, but she supposed maybe she did a little.

"How is he?" Brian asked.

"He's fine. I wasn't sure we'd see you again." There were times when she cursed the day her son had met this man.

He looked back down at his shoes. "I…" he stammered. "I care about him."

"Well, if you do, then do him a favor."

He looked back at her, seeming to brace himself for her words.

"Don't go back in there unless you plan to see this through. Don't put him through wondering if you're going to freak out and run every time the road gets bumpy. My son deserves someone who will be there for him; if you can't be that person, then walk away now. Please."

Brian nodded, still chewing on his bottom lip. "I fucked up," he said with a sigh. "And I'll probably fuck up again. But, I won't run away."

She nodded. "Well then, good. I'm going to hold you to that."

Brian stood in the doorway watching Justin. He was lost in some drama playing out on the television. "Hey," Brian said walking in.

"Brian." Justin's face lit up. "I knew you'd be back."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I freaked you out."

"No. I was… well…" he grinned. "I'm here now."

"To stay?" Justin asked.

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth, then nodded. "Yeah."

"Come here, I have something to show you," Justin said with a grin.

Brian arched an eyebrow.

"No, not that," Justin chuckled. "Come here."

Brian walked over as Justin pulled the blanket back to reveal his feet. "Watch."

Brian looked on as Justin's right foot moved ever so slightly.

"Did you see it?" Justin grinned.

Brian's face split into a smile. "Yeah."

"I know it's not much."

"Yes it is, Justin. Yes, it is."

Justin understood his mother needed to start back to work Monday morning. He knew she needed the income to support him and his sister. Brian was another story. In Justin's eyes Brian could afford to take the time off.

"But I start physical therapy," he tried to argue. It was Sunday evening and the nurses were telling Brian that he needed to leave for the night.

"Justin, it's not like they'll let me go with you. I'll try to take off work a little early and be back here around five."

Justin tried a pout but Brian only rolled his eyes. "Would it make you feel better if I stop by in the morning before I go in?"

Justin smiled again. "Yes. Stay with me 'till I fall asleep. Please?" he asked.

"The nurses want me out of here," Brian said.

"They'll let you stay if I ask them. Please?"

"Okay, but only if you agree to not take the sleeping pill. You're going to get addicted to them."

"No, I'm not. The doctor wouldn't keep letting me have them if he wasn't sure it was okay."

Brian rolled his eyes again; Justin was so trusting. "Whatever, your choice, me or the pill."

"Okay, but if I wake up in the middle of the night it's all your fault."

"If you wake up in the middle of the night, you'll do what everyone else does. You'll go back to sleep."

"Easy for you to say."

Brian arched one eyebrow, reminding Justin he wasn't the only one haunted with nightmares.

Justin nodded, getting the message.

"Okay then, so shut up and go to sleep so I can go home and do the same."

"Whatever," Justin mumbled settling into bed and closing his eyes. He knew Brian wouldn't wait forever for him to fall asleep and he really hated to be alone at night.

Monday morning when Brian stuck his head in the door of Justin's room the blond was sitting up in bed arguing with his mother.

"But I want to at least try to graduate with my class."

"Honey, I think it would be better to make up the classes over summer vacation, or even give yourself until next spring. I just don't understand the rush."

"The rush? Mom, everyone is graduating and going off to college; that's the rush. I don't want to be left behind. Besides, I've been accepted to PIFA, I can't put that off. If I don't go this fall I'll have to reapply."

"But, honey, do you really think you'll still be able to attend art school?" she asked.

Justin sighed. Brian saw defeat creeping into his eyes. "Now, now, Mother Taylor," he said, stepping into the room. "There's no need to make all the decisions for Justin's future today. And if he wants to try to stay current with his school work, I don't see the harm."

Jennifer looked at Brian, exasperation written all over her face. "Brian, no offense, but please, stay out of this."

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and looked down at the floor, then nodded to himself and looked back up, meeting her eyes. "Maybe he needs to do this to reclaim his life."

"Hello?" Justin spoke up. "Right here in the room. Don't talk about me like I'm not here."

"I've got to get to work," Jennifer said, walking over and kissing the top of Justin's head. "We'll talk about this more tonight, sweetie."

"Okay, bye, Mom," Justin grumbled.

"She doesn't understand," Justin said after Jennifer left.

"She cares about you. You don't know how lucky you are to have a mother like that."

"But she's trying to keep me from getting my life back."

"No, she's not. She's only trying to protect you. But why are you seeking her permission? If you want to get your school assignments then do it. Call the school and have them send home your textbooks with Daphne. She can bring them to you." Brian watched as Justin mulled over his suggestion.

"So, what do I do once she gets the homework to me? I can't write with my left hand."

"Well, what did you think your mother was going to do, sit here and write everything for you?"

"No, but… Shit. She's right. I'm not going to be able to graduate next month."

"Bullshit," said Brian. "You get the school to send your assignments home with Daphne, I'll handle the rest. I've got to get going or I'll be late to my first meeting."

"Come by on your lunch break?"

"Justin, it's clear across town."

Justin frowned. He hated being so needy but the attack had left him feeling vulnerable.

"If I work through my lunch hour I might be able to leave a little earlier at the end of the day."

Justin's face broke into a smile. "Deal."

Brian rolled his eyes. "Brat," he muttered. "You better be careful or I'll go have a talk with your physical therapist." He kissed Justin on the nose and turned to leave.

"Bring me back something?"

Brian turned, "What?"

"Some McDonald's French fries?"

"You're kidding."

"Please?"

Brian sighed, "If I can remember."

"Cynthia, I have a project for you," Brian said as he walked by her desk on the way to his office.

"Sure thing, boss." She rose and followed him into his office.

"I'm leaving early today. Reschedule anything on the books after three."

"Got it. And the project?"

"Sit down, I'll tell you what I need."

When three o'clock rolled around Cynthia appeared at Brian's office door. "Okay boss, I think this will meet your specifications."

"Good, let's see it."

She walked in and laid the laptop on his desk.

"The software is already installed?" he asked.

"Yep, it's all set up just like you asked."

"Perfect. Remind me to give you a raise," he said, rising to his feet. He grabbed his jacket and placed the laptop in a messenger bag he had bought earlier that day. "I'm out of here. See you tomorrow." He stopped at the door and turned back to her. "Thanks, Cynthia."

"See ya, boss." Cynthia smiled to herself. Whatever had been going on with Justin last week must have resolved itself. Brian had been in a good mood all day. She always knew Brian had a good heart; Justin seemed to bring it out in him.

Brian walked into Justin's room to see him propped up in bed with Daphne sitting in the chair, the two friends laughing over some silly thing Daphne had said.

"Brian," Justin said. "Where're my fries?"

He walked in and tossed the McDonald's bag down in Justin's lap. "Brat."

"I told you he'd remember," Justin said to Daphne as he stuffed a fry into his mouth.

Brian saw the stack of textbooks on the table. "Looks like Daphne came through with your school assignments."

"Yeah, and you so owe me, Brian," Daphne said.

"How so?"

"All those books were heavy, you know. I had to lug them all the way up here."

Brian smirked. "You had to carry them from the school to your car, then from your car to the elevator. It wasn't like you walked here from St. James."

"Still," she insisted.

"So all the books are here but I have no idea how I'm ever going to get the work done without being able to use my right hand," Justin interjected.

Brian decided to veer the conversation in a different direction before showing Justin what he hoped was the solution. "How did physical therapy go?"

Justin shrugged. "Okay, I guess. It was a lot harder than I expected."

Brian nodded. "What did they have you do?" he asked while taking a seat on the foot of the bed.

"They did some massages and moved my arm and leg around, stretching the muscles. Then they had me get in this thing kinda like a hot tub, only bigger, like a small swimming pool and they had me do some stuff in there. I still can only move my leg just slightly, but they kept telling me to try again. Oh, and they gave me some stuff to do in bed while I'm in this room. But they told me that I could only do them a few times a day."

"Well, don't push yourself too hard."

Justin shook his head. "Now you sound like my mother."

"Ouch," Daphne said laughing.

"You better take that back, or I'm not giving you what I brought for you in this bag," Brian said.

"A present? What is it?" Justin perked up.

Brian smiled. "Not until you take back what you said."

"Okay, okay. I take it back."

Brian raised an eyebrow and waited.

Justin huffed. "You don't sound anything like my mother. Okay? Now, what did you get me?"

Brian reached down and picked up the messenger bag. He laid it in Justin's lap then unzipped it so Justin could pull out the computer."

"A laptop? Wow, Brian. Is this for me?"

"For your school work."

Justin beamed. "I can type with my left hand. It will still be slow, but at least the teachers will be able to read it."

"No need. It has voice recognition software on it. All you have to do is talk, it will do the typing," Brian explained.

"You're kidding. Really?"

"Really. You'll have to set it up and get it used to your voice and speech patterns, but Cynthia said that this was the software everyone recommended. And here is a jump drive. You can save your homework on it and give it to Daphne. She can take it home, print out the documents and turn them in for you."

"Wow, Justin," Daphne said looking over his shoulder. "This is so cool."

"Thanks, Brian," Justin said smiling up at him.

"Justin, I better go, I promised my mom I'd be home for dinner," Daphne said. "I'll come by tomorrow."

"Okay. Thanks, Daph."

After she walked out the door he turned to Brian. "Show me how this works."

"Justin," Jennifer exclaimed when she walked in a couple of hours later to find Brian and Justin with the laptop and textbooks strung everywhere. "I thought we were going to talk about this." She motioned to the books spread across his bed.

"But Mom, look at the computer Brian got me. It has voice recognition software on it. All I have to do is talk and it types it all up."

Jennifer turned to Brian. "You were behind this, I assume."

Brian shrugged.

"Can I have a word with you? In the hall?"

Brian stood and followed her out.

"I'd appreciate it if you would stay out of this, Brian. I know you mean well, but I'm his mother."

"I don't see the problem with him trying to keep up with his studies. Besides I didn't call the school, he did. All I did was get the laptop so it would be easier for him."

"I'm sure you were the one that encouraged him to pursue this. And he needs to be spending this time resting and healing."

"He needs to take his life back. And he can still rest. It's not like he'll be studying around the clock. The nurses won't allow that," he tried to argue.

"I just don't want to see him push himself too hard."

"Jennifer, he's going to have to push himself harder than he ever thought possible if he wants to regain what he's lost."

She shook her head. "You don't understand."

Brian put his hands up in surrender, she was the one that didn't understand but there was no point in arguing. "I'm gonna go home and change clothes. Tell him I'll be back in an hour or so." With that he turned and left, he didn't know what else he could say to her to make her understand that Justin didn't need to be coddled.

"No, he went home to change his clothes. He said he'd be back a little later."

"What did you say to him?"

"Justin, honey, I just think you should be resting, not worrying over school work."

"Mom, you don't understand."

Jennifer sighed, that was exactly what she had said to Brian. "Just promise me that you'll take it easy."

Brian could hear Justin's voice as he got closer to the door of his room. At first he thought Jennifer was still there but then he realized Justin was working on his laptop. Brian stood in the doorway and watched.

Justin saw him there and smiled. "Hey."

"Hey," Brian answered stepping into the room. "How's the homework coming?"

"Augh, there is so much of it. I can't believe I'm already this far behind."

"You'll get caught up."

"Yeah, cause I can't do anything else," Justin said.

Brian nodded. "You're getting sick of staying in that bed, aren't you? Maybe they'll let me take you for a spin."

"Are you whining again?" Justin's nurse came walking in the room.

"No, Dottie, I was telling Brian how much I love it here," Justin answered.

"Can I take him for a ride in a wheelchair or something?" Brian asked, trying to figure out a way to give the kid a break.

"Sure," Dottie said. "Let me record his vitals then I'll go get a wheelchair. You'll need to stay on this floor but you can roam the halls or go to the waiting area if you'd like."

Brian looked at Justin. "Well, wanna go for a spin?"

Justin grinned. He appreciated all Brian was doing for him, and he was trying to not complain all the time, but it was hard to not feel sorry for himself. "Sure, then when we come back you can help me with Geography."

When the nurses finally ran Brian out it was close to ten. He decided to swing by Woody's and see what the gang was up to.

"Brian," Michael cried when Brian walked though the door.

"Hey, Mikey," he answered, taking a seat at the bar where Michael sat with Emmett and Ted.

The bartender walked over. "Just a beer."

"So Brian, how's our little Justin doing?" Emmett asked.

"He's improving every day. You should stop up there and see him."

"Michael said he was out of the trauma ward. So he can have visitors and everything?"

"Yep. They started him on physical therapy today. Really, you should go see him."

"What room is he in?" Ted asked.

"Two twenty-one."

Emmett nodded. "Great, we'll go see him tomorrow, won't we, Teddy?"

"Sure," Ted nodded.

Michael sat silently watching the entire exchange, looking for cracks in the armor. Brian leaned over to his friend. "I'm okay, Mikey. Really."

Michael nodded. "I hope so. I was starting to get tired of having to come take care of your ass every other day."

"You never get tired of taking care of my ass," Brian smiled.

"Yeah? Don't push it."

"So," Brian said a little louder, "What's up with you three queens?"

The conversation lightened up after that as the four friends laughed and joked until Brian finished his beer and announced he was going home.

"I thought we'd go to Babylon," Michael said.

"Not tonight, Mikey," Brian said, tossing some bills on the counter and then headed out the door.

"Wow," Emmett said. "Who'd have ever guessed that?"

"Yeah, Brian not putting his dick first," Ted agreed. "Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?

Michael shook his head. "He just feels sorry for the kid. Things will be back to normal in no time."

Brian went home, watched a little TV and crawled into bed. He was sleeping soundly when the shrill ring of his cell phone woke him.

"This better be good," he said into the phone, his voice thick with sleep.

"Brian?" Justin sounded terrified. "Tell me you're all right."

"I'm fine, Justin. What's wrong?" He was instantly awake.

"Can you come up here? Please?"

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. He wanted to say no; he should say no. "Yeah, I'll be there shortly."

When Brian walked into Justin's hospital room the lights were off and he could barely make out Justin's form lying in the bed. At first he thought maybe Justin had drifted back to sleep. "This time he took the bat to you," Justin said softly.

"It was just a dream," Brian tried to reassure as he pulled the chair over by the bed and sat down.

"It seemed so real. The sound of the bat when it hit your head. Then seeing you lying on the pavement. Is that what it was like for you? Did you watch it all happen to me?"

Brian took hold of Justin's left hand. When he started talking his voice sounded distant, as if he had disconnected something in order to go back to that night. "I saw him coming. I looked in the rearview mirror, watching you walk back to the dance; then I saw him. I tried to stop him, but he was too fast and I was too far away. There was nothing I could do. And then you were lying there on the floor and at first I thought you were dead."

Justin squeezed Brian's hand in his. "It wasn't your fault."

A silence fell between them. "You should try to go back to sleep," Brian finally said.

"You'll stay with me?"

"Yeah, I'm right here."

When the night nurse came in later to check Justin's vitals she found Brian asleep in the chair. He had pulled it as close to Justin's bed as he could get it. Both men were sleeping; their fingers entwined.

Friday Brian tried to leave the office early but problems in the art department and a grumbling client kept him there until almost six. As he walked out the door it occurred to him that Justin hadn't even called to see where he was. He hoped that meant that Daphne was keeping him entertained.

When he finally arrived at the hospital Justin was alone and asleep. Brian stood in the doorway watching him. Something was up, it wasn't like Justin to be sleeping this time of day.

"He had a seizure this afternoon."

Brian turned to see one of the nurses standing at his side; he recognized her but couldn't place her name. "What happened?"

"It was just shortly after he got back from therapy."

"Was anyone with him?" Brian asked.

"I was," she answered. "But if you mean visitors, no. We sedated him so when that girl friend of his came by I sent her home. We called his mother; she has been here and gone, although I do expect her back in a little while."

"Can I sit with him?"

"He probably won't be awake for a few more hours," she said.

He looked at her then turned back to Justin's sleeping form. "S'okay, I need to be here when he wakes up."

She nodded. "All right then."

"Brian?" Jennifer wasn't really surprised to see him sitting by her son's bed. He had promised he wouldn't run.

"Was it because he pushed himself too hard?" he asked without taking his eyes off of Justin's sleeping form.

"No," she shook her head. "I thought that at first too, but the doctor assured me that it had nothing to do with that. It's simply a side effect of the head injury."

"So, he'll keep having them? These seizures?"

"I don't know, they'll adjust his meds and we go on. He may never have another one, or it may be something he has to live with the rest of his life. But the doctor said that more than likely they will lessen in their frequency and intensity as time goes on."

Brian nodded.

"Has he been awake?" she asked.

"No, not since I got here around six-thirty."

"Have you had supper yet? If you want, you could go get something at the cafeteria," Jennifer offered.

"I'm fine."

She pulled up the other chair and took a seat. An uneasy silence fell between them. Jennifer shifted in her chair. "The nurse said he may very well sleep through the night," she said.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Are you sure you don't want to go change clothes or get something to eat?"

"I'm fine," he repeated.

The silence resumed.

"You're planning to stay until he wakes up, aren't you?" she asked after some time.

Brian nodded.

"Well then, I think I'll go back home. Save the babysitter for another time. You'll call me if…" she trailed off.

Brian nodded, turning to meet her eyes. "Yeah."

"Brian," the night nurse said when she came in to check Justin's vitals. "You should go home, get some rest. If he wakes up I'll tell him you were here."

Brian shook his head. "No, I need to be here."

The nurse eyed him for a moment. Whatever she saw in his eyes must have convinced her, "Do you want a blanket?"

"I'm fine."

Brian awoke and looked around to see what had brought him from his slumber. Justin moaned and stirred in his sleep. Brian sat up and pulled his chair closer to the bed. He took Justin's hand in his and with the other hand he brushed the hair from Justin's face.

Justin's eyes fluttered open.

"Hey," Brian said.

"Mmmm," Justin moaned. "What happened?"

Brian didn't answer but instead squeezed Justin's hand.

"Uhhh," Justin groaned. "I had another seizure didn't I?"

Brian chewed his bottom lip and nodded.

"Who was here with me? Did Daphne see me?"

"No. It was just you and the nurse. I think it was right after you got back from physical therapy."

"Where was Mom?"

"She was at work, they called her and she was here for awhile. She left to go be with Molly."

Justin seemed to relax a little. "What did the doctor say?"

"I wasn't here when he talked to your mom, but she told me that they were going to adjust your meds to see if that will help."

Justin nodded. "So, what time is it?"

"A little after one."

"You should be home, or at Babylon, or someplace other than watching me sleep."

Brian didn't answer.

"You've been waiting for me to wake up, haven't you?"

"I didn't want you to wake up alone," Brian shrugged.

"You didn't want me to think you had bolted again."

Brian was silent.

When Brian didn't answer Justin continued, "You said you were back to stay. I believe you." Justin's eyes closed for a moment then fluttered back open, "And the drugs they gave me are making me really tired. It's silly for you to sit here all night. I'm fine. Go home, and come back in the morning."

Sunday morning Justin sat in bed gazing out the window. He hated feeling like this. The nurses assured him that the emotional roller coaster he was on was very typical for someone recovering from a violent attack. They had even sent a shrink in to talk with him. But knowing it was normal to feel this way didn't really make it any easier.

He was miserable. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was clear, it was a perfect spring day. All his friends were going about their business and he was stuck in a hospital bed unable to walk, unable to use his arm. He tried to not let it bring him down, he really did and yeah, he knew he was lucky to even be alive, but the fact was, he didn't feel all that lucky. All he felt was despair.

Brian appeared in the doorway. "Hey."

"Hey," Justin said, trying to smile. Brian had spent all day Saturday trying to get Justin out of his sour mood; he didn't want to disappoint him by being glum again today.

"Not feeling any better, are you?" Brian could see right through the façade.

"I'm sorry, Brian. I really am trying to not feel sorry for myself, I am." He turned to look back out the window. "What if I never walk again? What if this is as much recovery as I'm going to make?"

"Justin, that's bullshit. You've only been in physical therapy a week and even the doctors are saying you'll regain the use of your arm and leg."

"Yeah, but they also add that they can't say for sure that I'll walk again."

"That's because they don't know one factor. They don't know how hard you're willing to work for it. But see, I know that. I know if you want something bad enough, you'll go get it. So there is no doubt you'll walk again."

Justin rolled his eyes; he had heard this pep talk before.

"So, what do you want to do? Quit? Are you ready to give up already?" Brian was growing frustrated with his inability to get Justin out of this funk.

"No, I just…." Justin stammered. "It's not fucking fair," he shouted.

Brian closed his eyes and sighed. He walked over and sat down on Justin's bedside. "I know," he whispered pulling Justin up into his arms. "I know." He leaned back to look into Justin's eyes. "But it's reality and the only thing you can control is how it affects you. So, you need to ask yourself which road you are going to let this take you down. Is this going to make you stronger or is this going to turn you bitter?"

Justin nodded. "Yeah, you're right."

"But it's not that easy, is it?" Brian grinned.

"No."

"So what do you say? I'll go round up a wheelchair and we'll go sit in the courtyard. We can work on your physical therapy out in the sunshine."

Justin smiled. "Yeah, sure." 

"And grab your laptop and we'll get some Algebra done too."

Over the next weeks Brian felt exhaustion creeping in. Most mornings he was at work by six, pouring over his accounts so that he could leave in the afternoon between four and five. He would then spend the evening helping Justin with his schoolwork and rehabilitation therapy. This was the cause of his physical exhaustion; his mental exhaustion came from the emotional roller coaster he and Justin were both on.

Day to day he never knew what he would find when he walked into the hospital room. Some days Justin would be in a good mood, smiling and laughing. Other days he would be a storm cloud. On those days Brian found the best strategy was to get Justin to take out his frustrations in his physical therapy.

Jennifer was also dealing with exhaustion. As a newly divorced mother of two, she had no idea how she was going to provide her son with the long-term care she feared he would need. She also had to juggle the needs of Justin's younger sister as well. To top things off she was worried sick over Justin's mood swings.

She had had a very stressful day when she walked into Justin's room to find Brian and him in a shouting match. She took a step back out into the hallway and observed their interactions.

"Come on, Justin. You can do better than that," Brian was saying. They were doing one of the exercises for Justin's leg. Brian was holding Justin's foot providing resistance as Justin tried to straighten out his knee.

"I can't," Justin shouted back at him. "I'm too tired."

"No, you're not, Come on, push."

Justin's skin had a sheen from the exertion. "I am," he shouted.

"Harder."

"I am."

"Pussy," Brian muttered and released Justin's foot, letting his leg lay out on the bed.

Justin sighed and laid his head back on the bed, closing his eyes. "Am not," he muttered, a slight smile gracing his face.

"Are to," Brian chided.

Justin chuckled. "Not."

Jennifer watched the exchange from the hallway. While she appreciated what Brian was trying to do, she hated to see him push Justin so hard. Was it really necessary to get him so worked up? She knew better than to say anything to Brian in front of Justin, who always rushed to defend him. She would have to wait until later.

"Hi sweetie," she said as she walked into the room. "Hello to you, too, Brian."

"Jennifer," Brian nodded. Justin's mother still made him feel like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

"Hi, Mom. What did you bring me?" Justin said sitting up and putting a smile on his face. He knew she was worrying over him; a fact that made him feel guilty so he tried his best to not let her see his bad moods.

Jennifer placed the bag she had in her hand up on the table. "Ta da," she said as she pulled out a box and placed it in Justin's lap.

"A portable DVD player? Wow, Mom, thanks," Justin said. "But can you afford this?"

Jennifer smiled, glad that Justin seemed to like her gift. "I'll have you know, I'm a very capable real estate agent. And besides that your grandparents sent a check and told me to buy you something you'd like. So I take it I did good?"

"Yeah. Did you bring me any DVDs?"

"No, I had no idea what you even watch anymore, so I'll let Brian handle that."

Brian chuckled. "I'll drop by the porn on my way to work tomorrow."

"Brian," Justin scolded, as his face grew red. "Thanks, Mom and tell Grandma and Grandpa thanks too," he said to his mother.

"I will and then when you're home they'll come visit and you can thank them yourself."

Later that night when Jennifer was at home she thought more about the various times she had walked in on Brian and Justin working on physical therapy. More times than not Brian seemed to be pushing Justin for more. She knew Brian had good intentions but she felt he expected too much from her son. She feared his motives were more out of guilt than love. Brian needed Justin to be whole again to relieve the tremendous remorse he carried. She would have to talk with him and explain that he shouldn't put the standards so high. They had to accept that Justin would never be the same.

It was a few days before she saw Brian again. She was walking from the hospital to her car, when she saw him come sauntering up the walk.

"How is he today?" Brian asked as he walked over to where Jennifer had stopped.

"He's trying to not let his mother know how much pain he's in."

"Pain?"

"You see it too, I'm sure you do."

Brian nodded, she meant emotional, not physical. "He's dealing with it all the best he can."

"You push him too hard." There, she had said it.

Brian's trademark smirk crossed his face. "He needs a coach to help him get his life back."

"He needs us to be patient and understanding."

Brian raised an eyebrow.

"I know you want to make him whole again; to fix what happened and relieve your guilt. But I think you're expecting too much and he is so afraid of letting you down. We need to help him face the fact that he may have to live with some disabilities."

She saw the anger flash for a moment in his eyes. She had said too much.

Brian bit his bottom lip and looked down as he softly kicked at the curb with the toe of his boot. "Maybe," he said softly, as if he were afraid to let his emotions loose. "Maybe he needs us to not sell him short. Justin's a fighter; you of all people should know that."

Jennifer nodded. "I know you mean well, Brian. I know you truly care about him. Just… think about what I said. Please."

Brian wet his lips and nodded. "Yeah."

When Brian walked into Justin's room the blond was pouring over a textbook. "Hey," Brian said.

"Hey," Justin mumbled.

"How's tricks?"

"Fine," Justin dismissed him without even looking up.

Brian sighed and sat down in the chair. "Miss Mary Sunshine, I see."

Justin rolled his eyes.

When Brian didn't respond any further, Justin glanced over at him. He was watching out the door at something going on in the hallway. Justin went back to his textbook.

Finally Brian spoke. "Do you want to do your therapy tonight, or do you want to study?"

Justin blinked. Brian never asked, never gave him a choice. Brian would come in, make a few minutes of small talk and then throw the blankets back from Justin's bed and announce it was time for therapy. "Um, I'm kinda tired actually."

Brian shrugged. "Okay. You want anything from the vending machine? I'm going to go get a soda."

"No, I'm good."

Brian walked out of the room and left Justin to ponder what had just happened. Was Brian going soft?"

The next day when Brian walked in, Justin was in a little better mood.

"Sorry about yesterday," he said.

Brian shrugged. "We've been through this before, Justin. I understand."

"But that still doesn't make it right to take it out on you."

"No, but I can take it. Are we doing therapy tonight?"

Justin nodded.

"Let's get started then."

They went through the various exercises that the therapist had given them.

After a half an hour Brian announced, "That's probably good for today."

Justin blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Let's start on your homework."

"Why are we stopping?" Justin's asked.

"We don't have to push it so hard everyday. Besides, we should work on your school assignments too."

Justin was puzzled but decided to let it slide.

But when the same thing happened the following night Justin knew something was up. "Brian? Did my doctor talk to you?"

"Hmm? Your doctor? About what?"

"I don't know, but did he?"

"No, Justin. I haven't even seen your doctor in weeks; and why would he talk to me instead of your mother?"

Justin shrugged. "So did my therapist or someone else?"

"No one said anything. What are you driving at?"

"This is as good as it's going to get, isn't it?"

"What?"

"My physical therapy, I'm as good as I'm going to get, right?"

"No. Why would you think that?" Brian was stunned.

"You've given up on me," he mumbled looking down at his hands.

"Justin," Brian said. Then when Justin didn't respond said, "Justin, look at me."

Justin raised his eyes.

"I haven't given up on you."

"Then why have you quit pushing me?"

Brian sighed and sat down on the bed. "Your mother asked me to scale it back a bit."

Justin frowned. "She did? Why?"

"Cause she cares about you and she thought I was driving you too hard."

"Brian, that's bullshit."

Brian shrugged.

"No," Justin shook his head. "You don't get to back off. Brian, you're the only one that really challenges me. Hell, everyone else treats me like I'm made of glass. If you don't do this, Brian, I may not ever get out of this bed. Please, I can take it. I know I cry and scream at you, but don't let me quit. Please. You can't go soft on me."

Brian smirked and cocked an eyebrow. "Since when have you ever know me to go soft?"

Justin smiled, "Never."

"So are we going to do this?" Brian said pulling back the blanket off the bed

Justin let Brian help him back out of bed and into the chair so they could go back to work on his physical therapy.

It was the one-month anniversary of Justin's bashing. Brian was at work but his mind was elsewhere. He kept wondering how Justin was handling it. He wanted to do something to let him know he was thinking of him but what do you buy your lover on the anniversary of the day he was brutally attacked? Especially when your actions were what brought on the violence?

He finally gave up and left his office to go to the hospital. He was prepared for Justin to be upset or depressed; he wasn't prepared for what he found.

"Brian," Justin was beaming. "I didn't think you'd ever get here."

Brian stood in the doorway. "Am I late for something?"

"No, but I've still been waiting for you to get here."

"Yeah?" Brian was puzzled by Justin enthusiasm.

"Stay there," Justin said as Brian walked in the room. "I have a surprise. Just wait a minute, Dottie made me promise to have her in here."

"Kinky."

Justin rolled his eyes and hit the button for the nurse.

Moments later she came in the room. "Is he finally here?" she teased Justin.

"Yeah, I'm finally here," Brian said.

Justin threw the blankets and slide over to the side of the bed. Dottie placed a walker that had been in the corner in front of him. "Ready?" she asked.

"Yeah," Justin placed his hands on the walker. His right hand shook with tremors at the effort, but finally Justin was able to wrap his fingers around the handle of the walker. Then with Dottie holding the walker steady Justin pulled himself up to his feet.

Once Dottie could see Justin had his balance she let go of the walker and moved to his side. "Okay?" she asked.

Justin nodded and slowly moved the walker a few inches out from his body then tentatively lifted his right foot taking a step forward.

Brian smiled as he watched Justin slowly make his way to where he stood.

"Ta da," Justin said, beaming up at Brian over his achievement.

"I told you you'd walk again," Brian said beaming back.

Over the next few weeks, what the doctors called Justin's gross motor skills, showed great improvement. He was able to walk up and down the halls using a walker. He had to stay on the floor and be escorted by Brian, Jennifer, or a nurse, as he was still prone to seizures. The medication had made them much less severe but he still was having one or more a week. This frustrated Justin and he wondered how he would ever have a normal life again. But what scared him even more was the slow progress of his fingers. He was still not able to hold a pen in his hand.

He had been working hard and with the aid of the laptop Brian had given him, he was now caught up with his schoolwork and was set to graduate with his class. He had hoped to walk across the stage and receive his diploma, but his doctor wouldn't even consider it until they had his seizures under control.

"I was really hoping to attend," Justin told Emmett. "I want to show them."

"I know, sweetie," Emmett sympathized. "And you will show them. You'll be back good as new in no time."

"I don't know about that," Justin sighed. "I still can't even grip a pencil with enough strength to make a mark on a piece of paper, and I'm having all these seizures. I can't imagine what my life is going to be like, Em."

"Justin, it's only been two months and you've come so far. Don't be discouraged. You'll get there. I just know it."

"I hope you're right. So enough about me, I want to hear all about what's been happening on Liberty Avenue," Justin said, changing the subject. "Did Ted ever find out where Blake went?"

"We've got to do something, Teddy." Emmett and Ted were at Woody's later that evening and Emmett was retelling his afternoon conversation.

"Short of performing a miracle, I'm not sure what there is we could do," Ted reasoned.

"True, but still, we have to try." Emmett sat back and pondered. Suddenly his eyes lit up. "I have it. We'll have a party; a graduation ceremony of our own. We can set something up in the courtyard of the hospital. Justin said that they let him go down there as long as Brian or Jennifer are with him. Oh Teddy, it will be perfect."

Ted had to give it to his friend. Emmett could put together one hell of a party on a moment's notice, so two weeks later when he arrived at the hospital courtyard he really wasn't surprised at what he saw.

Emmett had created a small stage and decorated it in St. James' colors. There was a podium for a speaker to address the crowd. He had set up folding chairs for the guests and another table with hor d'oeuvres. All the gang was in attendance and in caps and gowns.

Brian was in on the plan and had instructions to bring Justin down at two o'clock.

Up in the hospital room Justin was trying to not think about what day it was and where he should be. "Do you think they'll let Chris Hobbs walk across the stage with the rest of the class?"

"How the fuck should I know, and why the fuck would you care?" Brian snarked. "Now, why don't we go outside and work on your physical therapy?"

"Would it be okay if we skipped it today?" Justin asked with a sigh.

"No, it would not be okay. Come on, it's a pretty day out. The sunshine will make you feel better."

Justin frowned, he knew Brian wasn't going to take no for an answer. "All right."

Brian pulled the wheelchair over by the bed. While Justin could walk around with a walker and sometimes even a cane, the nurse still insisted that he use a wheelchair when Brian took him off the floor.

"Your chariot awaits."

"Brian? What's going on?" Justin asked as they exited the hospital out into the yard.

"Justin!" Emmett exclaimed, skipping over to where Justin sat. "Welcome to your graduation. Well, not really, but as close as we could get," he added with a giggle.

"Emmett. What have you done?" Justin face broke into his signature sunshine smile as he looked around at the gang all dressed up in satin gowns and mortarboards.

"Well, if Mohammed can't go to the mountain… Here slip this on," Emmett said handing Justin his own gown and cap.

"Now come on, we're about to begin," Emmett said, turning around. "Okay, everyone, our guest of honor is here. Shall we begin?"

Everyone took a seat as Emmett led Justin over to his chair, front and center. Daphne walked over to the side of the stage. "Emmett, are you sure it's safe to get on this?" she asked standing at the foot of the three stairs that lead up to the platform.

"I promise, sweetie," Emmett assured her. "I supervised the builders myself."

"I'm sure you did," Ted said under his breath.

Daphne shrugged and stepped up on to the stage and stood at the podium.

"Hello everyone," she started. "I've been asked to share a few thoughts with you today.

"My time at St. James has had high points and low, but I must say that St. James has prepared me for the world. Prepared me for the fucked up place we live in.

"St. James had taught me about bigotry and hypocrisy. St. James has shown me the need for tolerance and an open mind. I came to St. James an innocent, naïve girl but I leave an angry, jaded young lady. So I vow to take that anger and use it in a positive way.

"I vow to take every opportunity I have to educate people on the damage ignorance and hatred can cause. And I challenge you to join me in my quest to make our world a better place. It's not about doing great acts; it's about doing small acts greatly. It's about seizing opportunities when they arise; it's about living your life for all to see.

"And now I'd like to turn the platform back over to our emcee. Emmett?"

"Thank you, Daphne," Emmett said, as he walked up to the podium and Daphne walked down to take her seat next to Justin.

"I want to thank everyone for coming today," Emmett said. "And Justin, I wish you were able to attend your real graduation ceremony, but I hope our little impromptu gathering will help make it a little less of a loss.

"We are all here today because of Justin. At first he was just a cute little kid, another one of Brian's conquests chasing after him. But then he wormed his way into our hearts and became a friend.

"As we got to know Justin better he became an inspiration by the way he lived his life so fearlessly. I know he has touched each one of us and made an impression on our lives.

"Once again Justin has inspired us by his strength and endurance as he continues to recover from the horrifically violent attack that was brought on by the ignorance and prejudice that Daphne just spoke of.

"Justin, I know I speak for all of us when I say that knowing you has made me a better person."

Justin felt his eyes well up with tears as Brian reached over and squeezed his hand.

"And if you'll come up on the stage, we can't give you your diploma, but we do have a little gift for you."

Justin rose to his feet and with the aid of his cane made his way up onto the stage.

Emmett pulled a package from behind the podium and helped Justin unwrap it. Inside was a wooden frame, twenty-two by thirty-four. Behind the glass were the words Friends and Family surrounded by photos from everyone present. Pictures of Justin with Brian, pictures of Lindsay, Mel and Gus, pictures of Emmett and Ted, pictures of Debbie, Michael. Even photos of Daphne, Jennifer and Molly. Everyone had contributed to the collage that told the story of the last year since Justin had come to Liberty Avenue.

"I don't know what to say," Justin said. "Thank you, really. Everyone, thank you."

For the next hour the friends partook of the hor d'oeuvres and visited with one another. "I can't believe you skipped out on graduation to be here, Daph," Justin said when she plopped down beside him.

"Why? I knew this ceremony would be much more fun."

"How did you ever get your mom to agree?"

She smiled. "I promised her she would get to see me graduate from college. But, really, she understood."

Brian had warned Emmett that two hours would be about all Justin could handle and to make sure everyone knew to not stay any longer. Lindsay and Mel were the first to leave using Gus as an excuse. After that everyone else followed suit until it was down to Justin, Brian and Emmett.

"You about ready to go back up to your suite?" Brian chided.

"Yeah." Justin turned to Emmett. "Thank you, Em. This was the best graduation I could have ever had."

Emmett hugged Justin close. "I'm so glad. Now you go get some rest."

Justin nodded and sat back down the wheelchair. "Okay, James. Take me home."

"Yes, dear," Brian said in his teasing falsetto voice.

"I can't believe all the work Emmett put into that," Justin said as Brian helped him into bed.

"The party?"

"The party, the gift, the speech, all of it. You have some pretty terrific friends."

"Yeah? Well, they're your friend too, you know."

Justin smiled. "Yeah, they are."

"Justin!"

Whap

Brian's eyes shot open. He sat up in bed wiping his hand over his face. The dream was back.

He got out of bed and padded over to the liquor cart. He hadn't had the dream in weeks, probably close to two months. He downed a shot, letting his eyes close as the warmth slid down to his stomach and then spread through his body.

He poured another shot and walked over to his desk. Sitting down in the chair he pushed the button bringing his computer to life. He might as well do some work, or answer some emails or hell, look at some porn. He wasn't going to get any more sleep tonight.

He looked beat when he walked into Justin's room after work the next night.

"Wow, you look like shit," Justin said.

"Thanks," Brian said, then noticed Jennifer sitting in the chair on the other side of the bed. "Hello, Mother Taylor."

"Brian."

Before Brian had a chance to make any small talk Justin's doctor walked in.

"Hello Justin," he said. "Mrs. Taylor, Brian. Sorry to be so late in my rounds. We had an emergency this morning and I've been in surgery all day. How are you feeling today, Justin?" he asked as he looked over the charts and then pulled out his penlight to look into Justin's eyes.

"Fine," Justin answered.

"Still no seizures, I see."

"Nope."

He took Justin's hand in his. "Can you squeeze my hand?"

Justin's fingers gripped around the doctor's.

"Good," he said and stepped back, writing a few notes onto Justin's chart. "Well, young man, it's been over a week now since your last seizure. If this continues I don't see any reason to keep you here. You can do the physical therapy as an outpatient."

"You're releasing me?" Justin asked. Brian saw panic flash in Justin's eyes.

"Not yet, but possibly by the end of the week, or first of next."

"Doctor, that's wonderful news. Isn't it, Justin?" Jennifer gushed.

"Yeah," Justin tried to sound happy. "But are you sure I'm ready?"

"You're ready," the doctor assured. "You've come a long way in these last three months."

Brian could tell Justin wasn't so sure, but waited until Jennifer had gone home for the night before broaching the subject.

"So what's up?" he asked when he and Justin were alone.

"What do you mean?" He and Justin were working on the dexterity exercises for Justin's hand.

"You don't seem too happy about going home."

"Um, no, I'm happy. It just surprised me, that's all."

"So where is home?" Brian dared to ask, thinking maybe that was Justin's concern.

"With Mom, I suppose. I mean since Dad's not there anymore. Why?"

Brian shrugged. He wanted to ask Justin to move back in with him but wasn't sure just how to say it.

Justin frowned. "Did Mom say something to you? Does she not want me to move back home?"

"No, nothing like that. I just… I don't know, thought you might…" he trailed off.

"Brian?"

"Your mom's condo is really small and you'd have to deal with the stairs and all."

"I can climb up and down stairs. I hardly even limp anymore," Justin still didn't see what Brian was getting at.

"Yeah, you'll be fine," Brian answered. He had lost his nerve.

"And besides, they probably won't release me for awhile anyway. I mean, I could have another seizure and then I'd have to stay."

Brian nodded, there was something Justin wasn't saying, but if it wasn't about where he would live, then Brian didn't know what it was about, and he wasn't going to get it out of Justin tonight.

Jennifer was at work the next day when her assistant stuck her head in the office door. "Someone's out here asking for you."

"Okay," she said, picking the files she had out and putting them away.

"And he's cute, too"

Jennifer looked past her to see Brian standing in the lobby.

"Is there something you're not telling us?" the assistant asked.

She smiled at her co-worker. "No, Jane, there's nothing going on there." She walked out of her office. "Hello, Brian. To what do I owe this honor?"

Brian noticed he was standing in an office full of middle-aged women and every single eye was on him. He couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. "I thought I'd take you to lunch if you're free."

"Oh, okay. Sure. Let me get my jacket." She knew tongues would be wagging as soon as she and Brian walked out the door.

Brian, always the gentleman opened the car door for her. She crawled up into the Jeep. "You know, I don't think I've ever ridden in a Jeep before.

Brian simply smiled.

At the restaurant they made small talk back and forth until Jennifer couldn't take it anymore. "Brian, I know you didn't invite me to lunch because you can't get enough of my company. I figure you have something you want to discuss with me, what is it?"

He set his fork down, wiped the corners of his mouth with his napkin and then took a sip of water. "I want Justin to come live with me at the loft," he finally said. He was prepared with reasons as to why it would be better for Justin as well as Jennifer, but she surprised him with her answer.

"Why are you asking me? Justin is of age; if he chooses to live with you I can't do anything about it. Hell, I couldn't keep him from it when he was still a minor."

"I guess I wanted your blessing."

Jennifer sighed. "Brian, after all that has happened I have to say that I want my son home with me. I have tried to accept him for who he is and whom he loves. I have tried to accept you and your world. And I have tried to not blame you or your lifestyle for what happened to him.

"But this is my son and as his mother it's natural that I would want to protect him. So honestly, I would rather you not ask him to move in with you; but I won't ask that; and I won't try to dissuade him when you do ask. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but it's the best I can give you."

Justin awoke with a start. Cold sweat ran down his back. Once again he had been back in the parking garage. He sat panting in bed as the dream and memory of that night fleeted back away until all that remained was the intense fear. It seemed unfair that the memory of the danced stayed veiled but the bashing kept visiting him in his sleep.

He tried the breathing technique the nurses had shown him, but the fear still seemed to be swallowing him up. Panic hit him like waves. He hated his weakness as he reached for the phone.

"Brian," he said once his lifeline answered the phone.

"I'll be right there."

"Hey," Brian said softly as he sat down beside Justin on the bed.

Justin crawled into Brian's arms. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For calling you, making you come here."

"That's nothing to be sorry for, you know that."

Justin sighed. Having Brian's arms around him chased away the panic.

"You hadn't called me in awhile; I had hoped you had stopped having the nightmares."

"So did I."

"You want to talk about it? Do you think there was something that made the dream come back?" He wondered if it had something to do with his impending release.

"I don't know," Justin said.

Brian tilted Justin's chin to look him in the eye. "Talk to me."

Justin sighed again. "I know I should be happy to leave here, but that's not what I feel."

"What do you feel?"

"Panic. I would feel like this when I was first in here every night when everyone would leave me for the night, but in here even when I'm alone, I'm still not ever alone, you know what I mean?"

Brian nodded.

"I feel safe here, leaving feels scary."

"He's not going to do anything. Hobbs isn't going to come near you."

"I know, but still…" Justin shrugged.

"Would you feel safer living in the loft?"

Justin shook his head. "I don't think it matters where I am, other than not here."

Brian frowned. He didn't know what more he could say. He wanted to promise Justin no harm would come his way again, but they both knew that's not the way the world worked. "You can't hide in here forever."

"I know. And don't tell Mom either. She'll want to hire a security guard or something," Justin said with a chuckle.

"Hmmm, that could be hot," Brian chided back.

A few days later, while making his rounds, the doctor announced he would be releasing Justin the next afternoon. Justin reached for the phone as soon as the doctor left the room.

"It's happening."

"What's happening?" Brian was confused. Justin seldom called him at work.

"They're releasing me tomorrow."

"That's great, Justin," Brian said as a smile split his face.

"No, it's not," he paused. "Yeah, I know it is. But honestly, I don't think I'm ready."

"Sure you are," Brian assured.

"No, I'm not."

"Justin, you'll be fine."

"Promise?"

"Of course."

"I gotta call Mom. You'll come by tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, later."

"Justin, I uh," Brian stammered later that evening after Jennifer had left. "I was wondering, uh. Fuck. Why is this so hard?"

"What are you trying to say?" Justin asked.

"I want you to come home with me to the loft."

Justin frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I want you to move back in with me."

"You do?" Justin pondered the statement. "Why?"

Brian rolled his eyes.

"No," Justin said.

"No? Why not?"

"Because, it's all wrong. I know you care about me, Brian. But this is out of guilt and that won't work. The first time you took me in was because you felt sorry for me over my dad and look how that turned out. Now, you feel responsible because I took a bat to the head so you're ready to take me home again, but where would we end up this time?"

"Maybe that's not it."

Justin shook his head. "Thanks, Brian. I love that you asked me, but no. I just don't think it's a good idea."

Brian nodded, not sure what more to say.

Brian left work that first night after Justin was released from the hospital a little lost as to where to go. His days for the last three months had been consumed with Justin, and now with him at home in his mother's care Brian wasn't sure where his place was.

He thought of stopping by the diner to grab a bite, but the thought of Debbie and her third degree changed his mind. He thought about calling Mikey to go out for a drink at Woody's, but even that didn't hold much appeal. Finally he decided to just go home, order in and watch some TV.

Brian was nursing his second drink and thinking of changing his clothes and going out to Babylon when his cell rang.

"Hello."

"Hey," Justin said. "I thought you might come by tonight."

"I figured your mom would like to have some time with you."

"You still could have come by."

"And you could have come over here too."

"As if," Justin snorted. "Mom would have a cow if I tried to leave."

"Yeah, well you did just get out of the hospital," Brian agreed.

"So, tomorrow's Saturday, what do you have planned?"

Brian sighed. "I promised Lindsay I'd go over and help her put together Gus's swing set."

"Sounds more like a job for Melanie. Come by afterwards?"

"Yeah, I'll call you when we're done and then come by to pick you up."

Saturday turned out to be one of those perfect spring days. Brian and Lindsay battled poles and chains along with screws and bolts and the usual confusing vague instructions while putting together the new swing set in Mel and Linds's backyard.

"So, how's Justin adjusting to being out of the hospital?" Lindsay asked.

Brian shrugged. "I haven't seen him since Thursday night."

"Bri - an. Why not?"

He shook his head. "I figured Jennifer would like to have him to herself for a little while. I'm picking him up when we're done here.

"Oh. So, at least you have talked with him."

Brian only shrugged again. Lindsay studied him; there was something he wasn't telling her. "Brian?"

He sighed. "I asked him to move back in with me."

"Yeah? That's great."

He frowned. "He turned me down."

"He did? Why?"

"He said I was asking him for the wrong reasons, that I just felt guilty over what happened."

"Well, you and I have something in common then," Lindsay said.

Brian wrinkled his brow. "What's that?"

"Mel turned me down too. I asked her to marry me and she shot me down."

Brian chuckled. "What was her reason?"

"That it wouldn't be legal, only symbolic and it's the straight world's ritual and there is no reason for us to buy into it."

Brian frowned. "For once I think I have to agree with Mel; and speaking of, why isn't she helping you put this contraption together?"

"Because, this is something a father should do."

Brian rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

A few hours later Brian knocked on the door to Jennifer's condo.

"Hello, Brian. Come on in," Jennifer said when she answered the door.

"How's Justin doing?" he asked as he stepped into the apartment.

"He seems a little better this afternoon, but we had a rough night last night."

Brian raised an eyebrow. "Nightmare?"

She nodded.

Brian frowned. Justin hadn't called him. "Where is he now?"

"Back in the den watching TV."

"Hey," Brian said as he walked in and sat down on the sofa next to Justin.

"Hey." Justin smiled. "Did you get the swing set put together?"

"Yeah, it's up and ready to go. We got done just in time for Gus to get up from his nap. When I left, Lindsay was pushing him in the swing."

"Maybe you can take me over there some time to see it."

"Sure. I think Mel and Linds are planning a big birthday party for him next month."

"Really? Cool."

"So you want to get out of here for a while?" Brian asked.

"Yeah."

Justin shouted goodbye to his mother as they walked out the door.

"Where are we going?" Justin asked when Brian didn't turn at the street that would have taken them to the loft.

"I thought we'd grab something to eat at the diner."

"I'm not hungry," Justin said quickly. Panic flashed in his eyes.

"Okay, but I am and there isn't anything to eat in the loft."

"Can't we just order in?"

"Yeah… I thought you might enjoy seeing everyone."

Justin shook his head. "I don't think I'm up to it."

"Okay. The loft it is, then." Brian said turning the jeep around and heading home.

They sat on the sofa after eating Chinese takeout and watched TV. "Are you planning to stay over or are you going to make me drive you all the way back across town to your mom's?"

"It's not all the way across town," Justin said, giving Brian a playful shove.

"Still, I'd rather take you back tomorrow some time."

Justin chewed his bottom lip. "I'd have to call her."

"I have a phone." Brian raised an eyebrow.

Justin looked down at his lap. "I don't know if I'm ready for… that."

"Sex?"

"Yeah."

"Okay… but why? I don't see the correlation."

Justin closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't understand it either, but any time someone tries to hug me or get too close it freaks me out."

Brian frowned. "But you haven't been that way with me," he said.

"When I was still in the hospital it wasn't as bad."

"Okay, but you can still stay here. I'll be on my best behavior. Promise."

"Are you sure?"

Brian rolled his eyes. "I'm asking, aren't I? Yeah, I'm sure."

The rest of the weekend passed with Brian and Justin enjoying lounging around the loft. Brian understood Justin wanting some peace and quiet after all the hubbub of the hospital.

He placed a kiss on Justin's nose when he dropped him off at his mom's Sunday evening.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Justin asked, hoping he didn't sound as needy as he felt.

"If you want. I'll call you."

"Okay. Later." Justin got out of the Jeep.

"Later."

Jennifer was driving home from work on Monday, trying to decide what to fix for dinner when her cell phone rang. "This is Jennifer."

"Mom. Where are you? Justin's freaking out." Molly was obviously upset.

"Freaking out how? Is he having a seizure?"

"No, he's just mad or something. He's in his room and I can hear him throwing things around and screaming."

"Okay, sweetie. I'm almost home. You're sure it's not a seizure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I asked him what was wrong and he told me to mind my own business and to go play in the street."

Oh dear, thought Jennifer. "I'm pulling into the driveway now."

Jennifer threw the car in park and ran into the house.

"Justin," she called as she ran up the stairs. "Justin?"

The door to his room was open; Justin was standing in the middle of a mess of drawings, clothes and furniture that he had hurled about. His face was red with anger as he ripped a drawing into shreds.

"Justin. Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" he shouted at her. "What's wrong? What's right? My life is fucked. Hobbs saw to that."

"No, honey, that's not true."

"Yes. It is, Mom," Justin sighed and slumped down onto the bed. The anger seemed to leave him. "Without my art…" he trailed off.

"Why don't you rest, son. I'll fix us something to eat and you'll feel better." She wanted to go to him, but when she had tried that in the past he would pull away.

"Yeah, whatever." Justin flopped back onto his bed and covered his face with his hands. "But I'm not hungry."

Daphne had volunteered to drive Justin to and from physical therapy. As an outpatient he would go for one hour twice a week. The rest he was to do at home on his own. Most of his exercises now were to help with his dexterity so they didn't require special equipment or supervision.

Daphne had tried to convince Justin to go to lunch with her before his session but he kept making excuses until she gave up and instead brought lunch with her to the condo.

"I know," she said on the way back home after his therapy. "Let's stop by the mall. We can go to the food court and hang out like we used to."

"I really should get back home."

"Oh come on, Justin. It will be fun."

"I don't know, I'm pretty tired."

She sighed. "Okay. Maybe next time then."

"Yeah, maybe so."

"Are you going to Hobbs's trial next week?" she asked.

The color drained from Justin's face although Daphne didn't notice. "Um, I don't think so."

"I just hope they punish him," she went on. "But there's a rumor going around that his lawyer is pushing for probation."

"Daph. Can we not talk about this?"

"Huh? Oh. Sorry, Justin."

"S'okay, I know I shouldn't let it get to me."

"But it still does, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does."

Wednesday night Brian agreed to pick Justin up on his way home from work. Again he tried to get the blond to go to the diner and again Justin said he wasn't ready. So instead they went back to the loft and ordered in.

"We could go out to Woody's. Maybe shoot some pool?"

"I don't know," Justin was wary.

"There shouldn't be very many people there this early and on a weeknight."

"Okay, maybe just for a little while." Justin knew he had to start making an effort. He couldn't be a prisoner of his fear forever.

But once the Jeep pulled up in front of the bar the apprehension started to set in.

"Hey, it's okay, Justin," Brian said when he realized Justin was on the verge of a panic attack. "We don't have to do this."

"No," Justin said. "I want to. I mean I don't want to live this way. I want to get past this.

"Okay, but when you're ready to leave just say," Brian said.

"Yeah, okay."

They exited the Jeep and walked into the familiar hang out. Justin looked around. It looked eerily different and comfortingly the same all at once.

"Do you want to sit at the bar or at a table?" Brian asked.

Before Justin could answer someone recognized him. "Hey, you're that kid that was attacked. Did they catch the guy that did it?"

To Justin it seemed like hundreds of them closing in on him; in his face, crowding around. In reality there was only two or three and they really weren't crowding, just trying to show concern. Before Brian knew what was happening Justin had turned and bolted back out the door.

"Justin," he called as he followed him out.

The blond was standing by the Jeep trying to get his breathing under control.

"You okay?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, sorry."

"S'okay," Brian shrugged.

"No, it's not," Justin said with a sigh.

"Give yourself a bit more time. Come on, let's go home."

Justin tried to give Brian a smile. "Thanks."

"I just don't know what to do," Jennifer told Debbie over a piece of Vic's caramel crumb cake. "He has these terrible nightmares and when I try to comfort him it only makes things worse. And he has all this rage. Sometimes it scares me. I just want to help him and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do."

Debbie reached over and patted Jennifer's hands. "I'm sure it will get better with time."

"Will it? I'm not so sure."

"Wasn't there a counselor or something working with him in the hospital?"

"Only a couple of times. I don't imagine Justin was very cooperative," Jennifer answered.

"What about Brian, then?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Brian is the one Justin trusts. Maybe he can help him adjust. Have you talked to Brian about this?"

"I don't know, Debbie. I try to accept Brian and his part in Justin's life, but I'm not sure what he would be able to do," Jennifer said, just a little put out at the suggestion Brian could take better care of her son than she could.

"Well, don't mind me, you know my mouth is always getting me into trouble," Debbie said trying to smooth over any ruffled feathers.

Thursday afternoon Brian was in his office when Cynthia buzzed him. "Jennifer Taylor's here to see you."

"Send her in," Brian said, wondering why Jennifer would be showing up at his office.

"Jennifer," he said when Cynthia showed her in. "How are you?"

Jennifer sighed and took the seat Brian offered. "I'm exhausted, Brian, and I'm at a loss as to how to reach Justin." She wasn't up to small talk.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"He has nightmares every night, but when I offer comfort he pulls away. He frequently goes into these fits of rage that scare Molly and leave me wondering if I will ever have my son back again."

"I didn't realize it was that bad," Brian said. "I knew he was having some issues, but he never told me…." He trailed off. "I'm not sure what there is I can do."

"I think he would get along better if he lived with you. He trusts you, he responds to you. I know I said I didn't want you to ask him to move back in with you, but I was wrong."

"Jennifer, I did ask him and he turned me down."

"Well, ask him again. You have to convince him, Brian. He needs you."

"I'm not sure I can convince him," Brian said softly.

"Will you at least try?"

"I'll talk to him, okay. That's all I can do."

Brian made plans to talk to Justin again that weekend. He would try to convince Justin that his reasons weren't out of guilt and that he truly did want to give the relationship a try; but before he had the chance to put his plan into motion everything came to a head.

Brian was awakened from a sound sleep that night by his cell phone ringing. "'Lo."

"Brian? Can you come over?" It was Jennifer and he could hear Justin shouting in the background.

"What's wrong? What's going on?" Brian tried to pull himself together to understand what was happening.

"Can you come over, please?" She sounded distraught.

"Yeah, I'm on my way." Brian jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans.

He made it across town in record time. When he pulled into the driveway all the lights in Jennifer's condo were on. She was at the door before he even had a chance to knock. "He had another one of his nightmares but then he went into a rage. I didn't know what else to do."

"Where is he?" Brian asked.

Before she could answer he heard Justin swear and a loud crash come from upstairs.

"Mommy?" Molly cried from where she hid behind her mother.

"He's in his room," Jennifer said, her voice filled with defeat.

Brian took the stairs two at a time then stopped short in the doorway of Justin's room. The blond was sitting on the floor with his back to the door. The room was in total disarray. Justin picked up a shoe that had been lying on the floor next to him and started to throw it.

"Justin," Brian said, maybe a little more sternly than he had intended.

Justin froze then let the shoe drop from his hand. Brian walked in and sat down on the floor next to him.

"It's so fucked up, Brian," Justin whispered. "It's all so fucked up."

"I know," Brian said. "But we can fix it. It doesn't have to be this way."

"How? How can we fix this? How can I ever get past this?"

Brian laid his hand on Justin's shoulder. "I'm not sure, but we'll find a way."

"But I can't sleep without these horrid dreams. I can't draw, I'm scared of my own shadow and I can't even let you fuck me." Justin leaned against Brian's shoulder and sobbed.

Brian pulled him into his arms. "It won't always be this way. I promise."

"I'm such a mess," Justin said in between sniffles.

"Yeah, but you're a beautiful mess."

"Why do you even put up with me?"

"Because I care about you," Brian whispered in his ear.

Justin froze for a moment then began sobbing even harder.

"Hey, hey, hey… that was supposed to make you feel better."

"It does."

"Then why are you still crying?"

"I don't know," Justin said half crying and half laughing.

Brian chuckled. He pulled Justin's head back so he could look into the blond's eyes. "I want you to come home with me. I want you to pack up your stuff and come live at the loft. I can't promise it will be easy and I can't promise I won't get it wrong some of the time, but I can promise that as long as you want me to, I will be there for you."

"I'm scared," Justin whispered.

"So am I, but let's just take it one day, one night at a time. Okay?"

"Are you sure? It's not just because you feel sorry for me?"

"Justin, I was sure the night I came to your prom. Nothing since then has changed my mind. Come home with me, please."

"Okay, but we'll take it slow?"

Brian smiled. "As slow as you need."