Justin's POV:
'If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way
And I will always love you
I will always love you
Oh, you, my darling, you'
Alright Brian. You won. But I can't blame you. My fault. I let you win this one. You told me you didn't want me to sacrifice myself for you. I let you convince me that going to New York City was in my best interest. The truth is, I'm sitting here in this fucking airport waiting for my delayed flight because some part of me is convinced that you were the one who was actually making the sacrifices. Come on, look at the evidence. You started acting like a clone of what I had imagined I wanted you to be. But damned if it didn't feel like I lost the real you when that happened.
I know I've been a little slow on the uptake on some things, but it took your out-of-sync behavior to make me realize that I didn't want a fantasy Brian. I wanted the real Brian Kinney...the one I fell in love with five years ago...the in-your-face, fuck 'em all if they don't like it, unapologetic, unashamed, unrepentant man who had a heart as big (if not bigger) than that perfect cock that he used to such perfection. The more I saw you sinking into Stepford wives behavior, the more I lost that man. I tried to make you believe that I didn't want you to change for me, but I could tell you didn't believe it. That's why I've chosen to sit in this lonely waiting room instead of wrapped in your arms. If I stayed, you'd continue to do everything you could to please me, whether it was what I really wanted or not. You are one stubborn man, Brian Kinney. You get an idea into your head, and even when you deny it, it sticks like glue. If you don't believe me, just look how long it took me to blast that notion out of your head that you weren't worth loving.
So now, since I haven't the energy to spend another five years trying to make you believe I want the old Brian back, I'll leave so I won't stand in your way. Mikey and the others, they'll have you back to your old self in no time. I'm sure of that. But if you think I'll ever stop thinking of you every minute of the day, you are sadly mistaken. Let's face it, Brian Kinney, I will never stop loving you. I will always love you more than anyone or anything on this Earth for the rest of my life. Time and distance can't change that.
Where the fuck is that plane!? I can't take much more of being so close to you and yet too far away.
***********************************
Brian's POV:
'Bittersweet memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So goodbye, please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you need
And I will always love you
I will always love you'
Now aren't you just so proud of yourself, Brian Kinney? God Justin, I saw the tears in your eyes when you walked out that door to catch your cab. If one tear had fallen, I couldn't have taken it. I would have made you stay. I would have promised you anything. Thank God you were more man than me... but then, you always were, weren't you? How in the hell did a pipsqueak kid of seventeen have more maturity in him than all the grown men I've known, including myself? But that was just one of the things that made me fall in love with you.
Yes, I'll say it again. I love you Justin....more than my life. That's why I could give up the life I loved so dearly for you. And oh, the memories of that life! Bittersweet memories of always having what I wanted when I wanted and yet still not being totally satisfied... always sensing that something tremendously important was missing. Memories of not knowing what was missing until you came along and wouldn't let go of the notion that we belonged together. We hurt each other so many times...you with the fiddler and leaving me for Hollywood, and worst of all making an enemy of that useless slime Hobbs and getting yourself bashed. That one almost killed me too, you know. Me by rejecting you at first, blaming you for the loft robbery, shoving you into the fiddler's arms, and worst of all...turning away from you when I had cancer. What a stupid idea on my part. I'm lucky you forgave me for that jerk-off move.
But the truth is, Justin, that you have too much talent to be stuck here in the Pitts with me. I'm not what you need. I see it in your eyes every single time you put pencil to pad or brush to canvas or stylus to computer. Your eyes come alive with the images in your head...and what comes out is pure brilliance. The world has a right to see that talent and New York City is your best bet for getting it out there. I can't offer you the recognition you deserve. I would only hold you back. I'd never forgive myself for that. But Justin, you have to know that no matter where you go, how long before I see you again, or who you spend time with, I will always be the one who loves you most. I will love you with everything in me till the day I die. It's as simple as that.
Damn! I wonder if the plane is in the air now. You can go, my beautiful blond, but you are always still here in my heart.
**************************
Justin's POV:
'I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you dreamed of
And I'm wishing you joy and happiness
But above all this I wish you love'
Ah, the plane is finally ready to board. So why am I still sitting here? I can't stop thinking of you Brian. I know I have to let you go, but you won't give me peace. All I want is for life to be kind to you. You deserve it. You deserve to have all you dream of. You are such a better man than you ever gave yourself credit for. You pretended to everyone else that you were nothing but an arrogant prick, but I saw the real you that very first night. I saw the hurt little boy inside who didn't think he was worthy of love and devotion. I don't know how I saw it. Truly I don't. Maybe we were lovers in another time and place. I don't know. All I know is that I felt connected to you from that first night on.
I just want you to have the joy and happiness that we had when we were together, and I know without a doubt that it is what you felt whenever you were with me. There were times when you tried to deny it to yourself, but I could feel it coming off you in waves. When we're in the same room I can feel the love flowing between us like a physical stream...you flowing into me and me flowing back into you. I just want you to continue feeling that. But how can you? Could you ever feel it with anyone else? If those are the things I want for you, and I know in my heart you can only have them with me, why am I leaving on this plane? I was willing to spend five years waiting for you to admit out loud that you loved me. So what if it takes another five for you to realize that I want you to be yourself, and that I'm just as capable of getting what I want in my career from the Pitts as I would be in New York City? You're worth the wait, Brian Kinney. I've already learned that lesson.
*************************
Brian's POV:
'I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you dreamed of
And I'm wishing you joy and happiness
But above all this I wish you love'
You really are gone, aren't you, Justin...my pretty blond boy twink that wouldn't go away!? I'm going to have to accept it, aren't I...sooner or later?! Well all I want for you, Sunshine, is that life be kind to you. I want you to have all the things you dreamed of when you were a little boy just starting to put the wonderful images in your head down on paper. I want you to have the joy that comes with doing a job that others appreciate and admire...to feel the happiness that comes when someone tells you they've never seen anything more beautiful or inspirational. You deserve it Justin. You deserve it more than anyone I've ever known. And love, Justin...more than anything I want you to have love in your life. If it can't be me, I want it to be someone who appreciates you the way I do. But will there ever be anyone who appreciates you the way I do?
Oh damn it, Sunshine, no one will ever be able to love you more than me. Why the fuck didn't I see that. You are a man made for loving. It is the air you breathe. You tried to tell me that you didn't want anything or anyone else but me, but I refused to believe you. I refused to believe I was enough for you, but maybe I should have listened to you. If you didn't want me the way I am, you wouldn't have hung around so long. For fuck's sake, Kinney, you should know that. Justin is too smart to waste time on a worthless piece of shit. Look how quickly he sent the Fiddler Fuck packing. You're the one who forced him to have doubts about you, which made him try that jerk on for size. But then he listened to his heart in the end and came back to you, while wasting no time doing it too.
But now you've gone and done it. You've sent him away again, against his will. You even had to be a smart ass about it by adding that stupid word... never... when you said that it wouldn't matter how long before you saw each other again... that you'd still love each other. Yeah right! It's the truth, but why does it have to be long distance? That's just plain asinine. We belong together, and I blew it. Of course, I can always change that...can't I!? If I get up off this self-pitying bed of mine and take the next plane to New York, will he welcome me? If I tell him to his face that I will always love him and I don't want to be without him, will he take these rings I had made especially for us and use them this time?
Wait a minute! Who the fuck is coming to visit at this time of the night. I can hear the door sliding on its hinges. Must be Mikey. Fuck, Mikey, can't you leave a man alone when he has so much to think about? I have to find a way to make Justin see that I need him here with me.
But wait... since when does Mikey have a blond halo around his head... and a huge Sunshine smile?
**************************
Justin's POV:
'And I will always love you, I will always love you
You, i will always love you , I'll always love you'
He is so beautiful, laying in the same spot I left him...the spot where our bodies last joined as one. The spot where I held him tight as he held me even tighter. The spot where our love for each other poured itself over us like a warm blanket of safety from the outside world. His eyes are huge with surprise...and something else. Could that be relief and pleasure I see in those gorgeous hazel eyes? He wants me back in his arms. I can't deny him, now could I?!
I'll bet this is the fastest disrobing I've ever done, including the night at Brian's office when we reunited after the Ethan fiasco. Oh God, he feels good next to my body. He's never touched me with such tenderness. He's touching me the way he did when I first had the courage to be touched again after the bashing....slow, gentle, with awe. He is touching me in places that only he can bring to life and with all the love I know he feels for me.
I love you, Brian Kinney... always and forever!
***********************
Brian's POV:
'I will always love you, i always love you.
You, darlin' i love you, ohh i will always love you.'
He came back to me! He didn't say a word, but he doesn't have to. His eyes tell me what I needed to hear. His body is telling me anything I might have missed by staring into those clear blue eyes. He loves me and that will give me all I need to fight for him in every way. His love is the security blanket I was denied as a child. My childhood doesn't matter any more and never will again. I have Justin to keep my heart protected. And better than that I also have Justin himself, beside me..around me...with me.
I love you, Justin Taylor... always and forever!
The End
