'Black Out The Sun' Lyrics

No, turn off the sun, take down the moon,

for I don't need them anymore.

Go switch off the stars and paint the sky black,.

Love isn't ever coming back.

There is no use in imagining a world without you.

Your love was like a drug I was addicted to.

(Chorus) ‘Cause there is nobody else who could hurt, like you hurt me.

I don't want to be lonely

And there's no other way, there's no joy, there's no meaning

Just this hollowed out feeling.

Now all the love's gone,

And nothing grows here,

And I just feel wrong so black out the sun.

And all the love we shared will slowly disappear.

There's a hole where my soul used to grow,

So just black out the sun.

No, stop all the rain and poison the ground.

Love doesn't want to hang around.

Go turn all the fruits into bits of wine.

It was only sweet when you were mine.

There is an emptiness inside of me since you been gone.

All the world has lost its meaning,

All my colors run

And nothing compares,

How could it even dare.

Cause now that love's gone,

I want to black out the sun.

Brian's POV

(Inside Brian's Limo on the way to the airport to begin his Australian vacation.)

Finally, I'm on my way! And damned if I don't deserve this trip! The Doc said I was cancer free and I can't think of a better way to celebrate than attending Gay Mardi Gras in Sydney. I'm bored to tears with visiting Babylon and Woody's every time I want to find a new fuck for the night. Hell, I've had them all anyway, or at least the ones worth having. Maybe if I still had Justin in my life, I wouldn't find it so boring, but...oh Hell, not thinking about him tonight. I made myself a promise not to think of him at all during this trip, and I never break a promise. Of course it didn't help seeing him this evening on my way home from work.

Yeah!  That's what I'll think about...my business. I'm so fucking proud of myself, and Teddie. That was one of the smartest business decisions I've ever made...hiring good old Ted. Wertshafter's loss certainly turned into my gain. I know it was taking a huge risk hiring a reformed Crystal Queen, but he has proven to be worth it. All the guy needed was someone to believe in him and to believe in himself. I hate to admit it, but that Blake character really did help him to get his act together. I'm kind of surprised they didn't end up doing the whole coupley thing. None of my business, though. As long as he does his job as good as he has been, I have no problem with how he lives his private life. He sure helped me to save one of my biggest accounts when Brown Athletics threatened to pull out because of Emmett's latest crush. I've got nothing against Drew coming out of the closet, but couldn't he have waited until the ad campaign was completed?

Well, no harm...no foul. Teddie found the perfect replacement for Drew, even if the straight dude is a piece of shit with the way he treats the ladies. At least he's not gay. Goddamn!!!! I'm so sick of this fucking stupidity. Those bastards would rather have a straight pedophile rapist representing them than a decent gay guy any day. But that's the way it is. And that damned Emmett, coming to confront me about letting his fuck buddy go, as if it was my choice. I like Emmett. I really do. But business is business, and I'm not losing a couple of million bucks just to prove a point. Especially when it wouldn't make any difference in the long run anyway. That's more Justin's style.

Justin! That boy would tilt at every windmill in town if it would make the world a more gay-friendly universe. Oh God! That kid has more guts than I'll ever have. I don't think I ever told him how proud I really was...am, of him. Let's face it; there are a lot of things I never told him. That's why he's staying here and attending that Stop Prop 14 Benefit tonight and I'm sitting here, on my way to Oz. But it's too late to change things now. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm no good for him. He wants...no, he deserves to have a life like Michael has. He deserves someone who will give him everything he wants in life and I'll never be able to do that. Maybe if I had tried harder? But no, I'm Brian Fucking Kinney, and men like me don't change their spots. He'd just leave me in the end anyway. But it felt so good seeing him standing there, posting those flyers tonight. And when he looked up and saw me...for that brief moment I saw that Sunshine smile again. Damn, he is still so beautiful! I love the sound of his voice, but all we did was trade a few friendly words and it was over. Am I ever going to stop wanting to be with him?

Damn it! I said I'm not going to think about him, and here I am doing it again. I wish more than anything that this empty feeling I get when I let myself think of him for too long would just go away. I'm so tired of it hanging over me like some dark cloud. I'm fine when I numb myself with enough work to drive all other thoughts out of my head. And that's just what I'm going to do when I get where I'm going. I'm going to fuck every hot guy I see and party enough so that I won't even remember his name. Who knows? Maybe he'll meet some out-of-town supporter at the Benefit and fall head over heels for the guy. Then he'll move away to be with him and I'll never see him again. I'm sure I'll forget all about him then. I know he'll forget me, or at least why he ever fell in love with me in the first place. Now where did I put that brochure for the Mardi Gras?

************************************************

Hmmmm, not bad advertising! The guys in this brochure are definitely hot! The driver has the radio turned up loud enough so I can hear the weather forecaster talking about freezing temperatures. But where I'm going, everything will be hot...not freezing cold like it is here in the Pitts.

Wait a minute! What did that newscaster just say? No!!! I couldn't have heard it right! But I did! I heard him say Babylon...and an explosion! People injured, maybe fatalities! No!!! Justin!

I've ordered the driver to turn around. I have to find out what happened. Oh God, not him! Please don't let anything happen to him! I've tried to reach him by phone, but he isn't picking up. Why isn't he picking up? This can't be happening again! I almost lost him once before, and I didn't even realize how much I loved him then. His bashing nearly did me in too! But now? Now would be the end of me for sure. Because I know now that I really do love him! Yes, goddamnit, I love him! I just want to see that beautiful Sunshine smile again. If he is killed, there will never be a Sun again. It will go as black as an eclipse...only this will be one that never ends. How fucking long is it going to take this prick to get me to the club?

Finally!!! It's about time! Oh my God, the world's gone mad. Are all these people really coming out of my club? They look bad...shell shocked, disoriented...but where is Justin, and where are my friends? I know some of these people, but they're not the right ones. Oh God, where are they? Justin...where is Justin? Jennifer!!! Finally, someone who can help me!

But no! She says her son is still in there...in that broken place! Why the fuck isn't he out here trying to help others? That's my Justin. He would be the first to help someone else to get out of that damned place. No! I refuse to believe he can't get out! I'll find him. I dare anyone to try and stop me from finding him.

Oh shit! The inside looks even worse than I imagined. Broken glass, broken furniture, broken bodies...dirt, debris, hanging wires, and...and...and blood everywhere. Oh please, don't let any of that blood be Justin's! Please! I keep pushing through desperate people trying to escape this Hell, but no Justin. I can hear myself screaming his name, but nothing...I don't hear his beautiful voice answering me. Where is he?

At last...a face that matters! Ted...oh Ted, tell me what happened and where is Justin? But he can't. He is no help at all! I have to keep looking! But the further I go in, the worse it gets. More blood and more bodies. I recognize a couple of them. But still no Justin! But then I see sparks from a wire and in the bright light I see a dirty blond head. Is it....God, yes! It is him. I grab him and hold tight for just a second to make sure he is all in one piece. I hold him away from me so that I can check him out. He has blood on him. How bad is he hurt? Please, not badly! But no, he tells me he is only scratched and bruised. He's more worried about his Mom and friends than himself. That's my Justin.

I assure him that his Mom is okay and looking for him. That's when Emmett shows up. Now everyone is accounted for except Michael. When we ask about Michael, the look on Emmett's face tells us that it is bad. No! It can't be. Michael is like a brother to me. I love the guy, no matter how much we've drifted apart lately. Thank God Justin is okay, but I never stopped to think of how much I need Mikey to be alright too. But I can't leave Justin. This has got to be too traumatic for him, especially after being nearly killed once before by a hater. I shouldn't leave him alone.

But Justin won't hear of it. He has ordered me to go and find Michael. He wrapped his arms around me tight and whispered that he was glad to see me more than anything in the world, but he would see me later...after I have checked on Michael. Justin is not some young kid I can boss around anymore. He means business. He knows me better than anyone on Earth. I have to do what he says. Besides, he said it himself. We'll see each other again. First I'll make sure Mikey is going to be alright. Then I'll come back for Justin. I have something to tell him and it can't wait another day.

****************************************************************

After they took Michael to the hospital and prepped him for surgery, I found Debbie in the hospital chapel and we talked about Michael. She asked about Justin. I told her that it looked like he was one of the lucky ones. Then I broke down. I told her how the whole world went dark when I thought of him being hurt or worse at the club. I told her what she had already known for a very long time...what she had already told me, despite my refusing to acknowledge it. She asked me point blank what I was going to do about it. She asked if I was brave enough now to take a chance on the two of us...a real chance! Then she pushed me out the door and told me to go find him. She would let me know if anything happened with Mikey. I know she will so I left.

I called Justin and this time he answered his phone. He told me that he was still at the club but he would wait for me. And now I'm back. The whole area is almost surreal. I'm used to seeing a throng of colorful characters, cruising up and down these blocks looking for a brief encounter or love, or even just someone to talk to. Now all I see are stunned victims, firemen, cops, paramedics, strobe lights, and flashing lights on vehicles as they try to make some order out of the chaos that had just happened here. But then I see HIM!

Justin is disheveled and dirty, wearing someone's uniform jacket. You can barely see his silken blond hair through the grime covering it, but I'd know that face...that body...those eyes, no matter how messed up he was. He sees me and comes straight to me. I want to engulf him in my arms and never let him go, but he stops short and asks me about Michael. I tell him the truth...that we don't know all the answers yet. Then he lets me hug him. I don't ever want to stop hugging him tight, but I have to tell him something. I have to tell him now!

I tell Justin how I tried to reach him when I heard the news on the radio. I can barely get out how frightened I was when he didn't answer. Then I can't hold back any longer. I pull him back into my arms and I tell him the whole truth. It was so easy. My God, why didn't I realize before this happened, just how easy it would be?

'I love you', I whisper in his ear. I hear him gasp. He pulls back and looks into my face. Is he trying to see if it is real...if I am real? It's even easier the second time around. 'I love you', I say again, only out loud this time. I would have shouted it from the roof tops if it was necessary, but he looked at me with such love in his eyes I became speechless. He kissed me! I kissed him! We said more in that kiss than we'd ever spoken before.

I don't know what will happen next, but I do know that the Sun came out from behind the dark Moon covering it tonight. The world was ugly, dirty, torn to shreds, and the sky was dark everywhere around us, but I stood in a pool of light as I held tight to my Sunshine...to my Justin. I know that this isn't a fairytale and that I'll have to prove to Justin that my feelings are forever and not just a result of this trauma, but I'll do whatever it takes to never let the Sun disappear from my life again. I've known for a long time that Justin Taylor loves me. Now Justin Taylor also knows I love him. That's a beginning.

Not The End...