CHAPTER EIGHT: LOCKED UP

(One Month Later)

Desperate Times

Both Brian and Justin were experiencing another round of inner turmoil. It had been a month since Justin had returned home. Although Brian was inwardly ecstatic that he had adjusted to being in the Loft again without issue, he was equally angry at the fact that Justin lived in such a state of fear that he wouldn't leave the loft for any reason.

At first, Justin would resort to volatile tantrums which would result in him curling in on himself and retreating to any corner of the enormous space where he felt that he could hide himself away. It would take Brian hours to coax him out of the mental state where Justin would often lose touch with reality and live within a panic-induced stupor. Then there were the times when Justin would become so angry with himself and frustrated with Brian, that he would break things. Many days Brian would return back to the loft to find his loft as badly damaged as it had the time he'd been robbed. Expensive furnishings were turned over, glasses broken- even the Philippe Starck juicer that he had recently replaced had been broken. Brian would be on the verge of yelling at Justin until he would find the young man asleep in the corner he had retreated to, the salt of his tear tracks marring the almost peaceful face.

The nights were the worse though.  Although the doctors have said that there is little chance of Justin regaining most or all of his memories from the attack, Justin's mind seemed to relive the event in the parking garage repeatedly. He would mumble the entire dialogue while in a dream state, culminating in the event that changed both his and Brian's reality- quite possibly for the worse. Justin would awake screaming, shivering and grabbing his head as if in pain. Brian would do his best to reassure the younger man, cradling him in his arms as Justin would at first fight the contact and soon after have yet another emotional meltdown. When asked what his dream was about, the result was always the same: Justin would say that he couldn't remember and apologize profusely to the point of another breakdown for having disturbed Brian. Brian would brush it off as if it didn't happen until the next time it did. There seemed to be no hope for either of them to escape the nightmares- both waking and sleeping.

Brian had arranged for all of his therapy appointments to occur within the loft. Miguel, Nicole and Bethany had been more than accommodating to both men. Sometimes they would hold all of the therapies together so that Justin wouldn't be overwhelmed more than once in a day. At other times, they held individual sessions two to three times a week, even if Justin didn't feel like participating that day. Brian was amazed and grateful for their patience with Justin. The blond wasn't an easy patient by any means, often wanting to give up or demanding that he'd be left alone. Justin could rant, rail and rave but whereas they would give him space and let him come around on his own, they wouldn't let Justin check out of the reality of his situation and creatively worked toward a solution.

Unfortunately, there weren't easy solutions to the way this all was affecting Brian. Bethany had suggested numerous times that he talk to someone about his own memories. Whereas Justin couldn't remember all of the events that fateful night unless he was sleeping, Brian had lived it. And he continued to relive it through every nightmare of Justin's and currently at his job. The situation sucked all the way around and now it was fucking with Brian's business dealings and not in a positive life-affirming way.

Two weeks ago Marty Ryder, the primary owner and one of the three partners in the firm, began urging Brian to reconsider his position as the partner of Justin Taylor. Not only did ‘they' think that Justin was too young to be involved with a man of Brian's caliber and age but it turned out that wasn't the real reason. When Brian had requested a face-to-face meeting with the partner, who was issuing veiled threats and overt orders, to tell him unquestionably to go fuck himself, Marty had to come clean. Justin, and therefore Brian, had filed a civil suit against his nephew-by-marriage,  Kevin Dixon, and it was making the Ryder household a living hell. Marty's wife was demanding that Brian distance himself from Justin or be fired. In addition to everything else going on, this was probably the beginning of Brian's breaking point.

Melanie had been working overtime trying to get the all of the witnesses and affidavits signed before the Depositional testimonies would begin. Of course because of the amount of time the pitbull lawyer spent working on the case, Brian would have to endure just as many threats and opposition from Lindsay. He often wondered if he'd done the right thing in acting in the role of sperm bank, especially when the mother of his child used Gus as a metaphorical club to beat Brian over the head with constant accusations and misplaced responsibility. Since Justin had been released from the hospital, instead of things getting better they had become worse and Lindsay was even more of a harridan than she had been in previous weeks. She even resorted to barring his access to their son which Melanie had surprisingly put a stop to.

"You can be pissed off all you want Lindsay but I am still going to fight for Justin. This is wrong on every possible level of decency. I'm working my ass off now so that Gus won't have to go through this should he prove the theory that gay parents breed gay children. As much as I would love to go against the asshole in this, how fucking dare you do that to Brian? You of all people should understand what he is feeling but you can't, can you? You're being a selfish BITCH and it makes me wonder if this was our situation instead of Brian and Justin's, how willing would you be to stand by my side?" She was not fooled by Lindsay's crocodile tears and shrewish behavior. This was jealousy, plain and simple, and it was time for Lindsay to stop being a fucking child and acknowledge the strain she was putting on both her relationship with Melanie and her friendship with Brian.

Melanie's little tirade had achieved the desired results, at least partially. Lindsay acquiesced to let Brian keep the schedule they had now with the promise that he wouldn't cancel for any reason. Her tone and posture during her pronouncement couldn't have made her definition of any more clear so Melanie and Brian had made a separate agreement of their own. As long as Brian gave her a call ahead of time, Mel would intercede for him. She may not have liked Brian but it was clear that he and Melanie were developing a mutual respect for one another during this legal battle and emotional crisis in their lives.

Originally Lindsay had intended to invite herself along for a little ‘family' time but Brian was on to her from the minute the agreement left her lips. He immediately grabbed his cellphone, dialing his assistant. After hearing what Brian needed, she happily built a time slot three days a week into his schedule which they termed the ‘sanity break.' For the past two weeks his new attempt at time management had been working out well. The Sanity Break was the time reserved for only him and Gus which was as closely guarded as the Crown Jewels. Fortunately it also coincided with Justin's therapy schedule and Brian decided that when Justin was better, he would keep it going so that they would each have some time with the toddler without Lindsay's ongoing interference.

But to top off the melee that had become Brian's life, he was being ordered to ‘do something ‘ to save Michael's relationship with the good Doctor. What could Debbie and Michael have expected him to do? Beat some fucking sense into Michael who was acting more and more like a spoiled brat who kept running away from home instead of a grown man who was supposed to be able to make decisions for himself? When Michael had cornered him as he was coming out of the Ryder building seeking advice on what he should do about David and lauding loudly over the psyche-probing Professor that he had been flying back and forth from Portland to see and get to know, all Brian told him was to do whatever made him happy. Which was apparently the wrong thing to say because as soon as he answered the door this morning, after calming Justin down from yet another panic attack, he was greeted by an angry red-head and a resounding slap to the face. What the fuck?! Vic had also come with Debbie, but in an effort to tranquilize the hot-headed avenging mother of Michael and for once get all the facts before she went off half-cocked, which she usually did thanks to Michael. Brian could tell by the look on Vic's face that he had never wished more than to have an anesthetized dart hanging off the tip of a harpoon handy to put the raging woman out of her misery... and theirs.

Of course instead of talking to Michael about his issues, she had come to Brian again to resolve them. Vic had tried over and over to tell Debbie that it wasn't fair to anyone involved to keep holding Brian responsible for the mess Michael was making of his life but she wouldn't hear any of it.

"Michael is fucking up his life. The least this asshole can do is help. He owes my kid something! He owes him, Vic and goddamn it, he's going to fix this shit or so help me God..."

"What? You're going to disown him? You gonna tell him he isn't welcome in your house for something that is clearly NOT his fault? Deb, I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you can't keep fixing Michael's shit. He has to live his life just like everybody else. And you being here is paralyzing his ability to act and think like a man," Vic tried to reason with the distraught woman again.

She was about to retort when she heard the most god-awful scream coming from the direction of Brian's bedroom. Leaving them standing in the doorway, both brother and sister watched in awe and horror as Brian tried to stop the piercing screams and pitying whimpers erupting continuously from their Sunshine. Debbie started towards the stairs as Brian emerged, his arms securely bearing Justin's weight, until he managed to seat them on the couch. He threw a blanket over Justin's bare legs, offering as much privacy as he could while trying to provide comfort to the insensate young man mumbling incoherently about the never-ending nightmare which he would never remember while conscious.

"Jesus....what the fuck's wrong with him?" Debbie shrieked, shocked and scared by the scene playing out before her eyes.

Brian stopped crooning long enough to sneer at her. "What the fuck do you think? Tell Michael to fix his own fucking problems for once; I have my own." And he went back to rocking the precious cargo wrapped around his body as if he was the only thing holding Justin to the world beyond the mind-numbing darkness he was still trapped in.

"Sis, I think it's time that we leave," Vic said quietly, tears in his eyes at the terrible pain he saw in Brian's. "I will tell Michael what you said Brian."

A look of shared understanding passed between the two men just as the loft door closed behind exiting duo.  

He tightened his hold on Justin, realizing that until they were over his hurdle in their lives, neither one of them would be whole again.

Desperate Measures

Moments later, Debbie stormed into the diner still arguing with Vic who was hot on her heels. She could tell that he was determined to make his point regardless if Debbie actually heeded his words or not. Watching Brian taking care of Justin had moved both of them in different ways. While Vic was completely understanding, Debbie could only see that Brian was abandoning his best friend.

"Of course I understand that Sunshine needs Brian but Michael needs him too," Debbie said, her tone low-pitched as if trying to protect their privacy but the vehemence of the siblings' argument had already drawn the attention of every patron in the diner. As far as she was concerned, nothing and no one took precedence over her son, not even Sunshine.

"Sis, do you know what today is?"

"It's fucking Tuesday, so what of it?"

Vic rolled his eyes at the sheer denseness of his sister at the moment. Usually Debbie was protective of everyone and everything regarding Liberty Avenue. She was the president of PFLAG- an organization for the parents and friends of those in the gay community. Yet she had forgotten all of that when her fantasy marriage for her son was being threatened...not by outsiders but by Michael himself.

"You really are thick when it comes to Michael, Sis. Today starts the civil depositions against Hobbs and several others connected with Justin's bashing." He watched her eyes widen in surprise and then narrow in sadness.

"Fuck Vic. How could I have forgotten? Poor Sunshine. I really don't know how Brian is coping with all of this."

"He isn't," Vic stated softly. "He's just trying to be there for his partner. The way Michael should be with his OWN partner. And if Michael decides that Portland isn't where he wants to be, then that is his decision. It's his life to fuck up, Deb. Let him do it."

She threw herself into his arms, feeling Vic's arms tighten around her. She may have always been the oldest but Vic was always the wisest between the two of them. "How did you get so fucking smart?"

Vic laughed in her ear. "I had a pretty good teacher called life. And then there was you, too." He pulled back to look into her shining blue eyes. "Look Deb, I know it will be tough to do but you have to. Otherwise Michael will always be crippled by looking for someone else to tell him what to do. You've done your job in raising him, now let him learn to employ the lessons."

They were interrupted by the last man they would have ever expected to see in the Liberty Diner.

"Detective Horvath, isn't it?" Vic reached out his hand to the gentleman who had diligently worked Justin's case. He was gratified when the offer for a handshake was returned. "What brings you here?"

The stout detective swallowed hard and then smiled, his eyes riveted on the red-head but he answered Vic's question. "I'm on my way to the courthouse to give my statement. But I heard about the pink plate special in this place and thought I might give it a try."

Vic almost laughed aloud at the flustered look on his sister's face. He'd known that they had chemistry since their meeting and subsequent run-ins since Justin's stay in the hospital. "Well come on, Detective. I was just about to grab a bite to eat myself so you can sit with me. Sis, I'll have my usual." He nudged her gently bringing her back to focus.

"Oh yeah... I'll have that out for you right away. I know that you have to be there at a certain time, Detective Horvath."

"Carl," the detective uttered.

Debbie smiled slightly. "Carl," she said in return and moved off to get their orders in before the next influx of the breakfast rush invaded. She came back only to bring them a cup of coffee before rushing off to do her job.

It was times like these she sure missed having Sunshine around. He was fast and efficient, always serving with a smile and adding a little hustle to Debbie's step. She really wished that she could be there during the proceedings but due to the nature of them and the earlier very-public trial, for Justin's safety and privacy they had elected to have closed-door proceedings this time around. As she moved around to take other orders while waiting for Carl and Vic's, she sent up a silent prayer for strength and courage on Brian and Justin's behalf. They were sure going to need it.

A few minutes later, she was on the way back to the table as she caught the tail-end of Vic's interrogation.

"So why don't you ask her out?"

Carl nearly choked on his coffee. "What makes you think I want to do that?"

"Vic laughed softly. "Oh I don't know. Perhaps it's that deer-in-headlights look you get when you look at her? Or the way your eyes soften when she turns those blues on you? No, that couldn't be it so it must be the way you haven't stopped watching the whirling dervish as she flitted from table to table taking care of everyone. I would bet my last dollar that your palms are sweaty right now and it isn't because of the heat from the kitchen."

Carl laughed a big robust laugh at Vic's assessment but he didn't deny it. If there was one thing Carl had never expected, it was to meet another gay man as raw and brutally honest as one Brian Kinney. But he found himself liking this unassuming man sitting before him with his unfiltered questions and uncensored answers to his own. "Do you think I should?"

"Well I personally have always loved a man in uniform, especially if there are handcuffs involved. I have no idea if my sister has the same affection but there is only one way for you to find out."

Before Carl could respond, Debbie was delivering their plates of food. He actually felt transfixed by the doting smile she bestowed on her brother as she served him his plate, reminding him to take his medicine as soon as he finished filling his stomach. He had seen Debbie as fiercely protective, loud and belligerent at times and had been attracted to her. But this softer and tender side to her personality was making every fiber of his being sing a different tune altogether. He decided then and there that there was nothing more he would like than to get to know the outspoken woman in all her many facets.

Gathering every ounce of his courage, the words slipped between his lips before he had a chance to think of retracting them. "Debbie Novotny, I would be honored if you would join me for dinner tonight." There he'd said it. The question that he had been wanting to ask her for weeks was finally out of his mouth and hanging in the air waiting for the answer. He glanced over at Vic who was wearing a self-satisfied smirk but strangely he didn't mind. In truth if it wasn't for Vic's honesty, he wasn't sure that he still wouldn't be in a state of limbo.

"Not tonight," Debbie answered. At his crestfallen look, she touched his arm gently. "It's only because I have to work. We're short-staffed since Justin... but Thursday night, I'm free,"

Carl smiled. "I'm working on Thursday but let me ask you this, when is your next early shift?"

Debbie thought a moment, working out the schedule in her head. "I'm doing the early shift on Sunday 5am til noon."

"That's perfect. How about dinner Sunday evening?"

"We usually have dinner at my house on Sundays."

Before Debbie could offer up another protest, Vic intervened, "Sis, I think we can make it through one Sunday without you slaving away in the kitchen. So tell the man ‘yes' already and for once let everyone else fend for themselves. Remember our conversation from a little while ago? Well it sure as hell applies here too."

Debbie narrowed her blue eyes at Vic, shaking her head at the knowledge that he was right again. She hadn't been on a date in over twenty years, always fearing how it would affect Michael. Vic had always encouraged her to go out when asked but Michael would whine and pout, giving her the silent treatment until she would call and cancel her date. Then he would leave her home to watch whatever movie was on TV while he ditched her for Brian. It was in that moment that she began to realize just how much of an enabler she had become... and how selfish Michael had been with her attention.

Taking a deep breath, Debbie whispered the word before allowing herself to repeat it again more strongly. "Yes Carl. I'll have dinner with you on Sunday evening."

Carl's bright smile was everything she could have hoped for. "Great. We're going to go to one of my favorite restaurants."

"But Carl, I could just as easily whip something up..."

He placed a single finger on her red lipstick coated lips before dipping his head briefly to press his own to them. Pulling his head back before her taste became too addictive, he said, "You take care of everyone else, Deb. Let someone else wait on you for a change," And with that the Detective left the soft-gazed woman behind with a decided pep in her step.

Shaking her head to clear it, she turned to Vic. "Holy shit, what the fuck just happened?"

Vic laughed softly. "You just got yourself a date."

"Ma, has a date? With whom?" Brother and sister turned toward the belligerent whiny voice to face Michael with his arms folded and his lips pursed into a pout.

Vic took the liberty of answering for Debbie, Whether Michael liked it or not, it was time to let Debbie have her own life and he was going to make sure she did. "Not that it's any of your business but your mother is going out with Detective Horvath."

"That homophobic cop? No, I absolutely forbid it."

"You forbid it? Really Michael?" Vic asked, condescension dripping from his voice.

"Yes, I FORBID IT! She's MY mother for fuck's sake; she doesn't have any business dating anybody."

Vic actually laughed at his nephew and his narrow-minded views. "Nice to meet you Jesus."

Michael narrowed his eyes. "Jesus? Uncle Vic what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Well Michael you must be Jesus since you think that your mother was a virgin when your big head was conceived. I assure you that she was not the Virgin Mary and you sure as hell aren't anyone's savior. So get off the cross because someone else needs the wood, grow up and accept that Debbie has her own life and you will NOT stop her from living it any longer."

"But Uncle Vic..." Michael whined but was cut off immediately.

"No buts Michael. You will not do ANYTHING to fuck this up for your mother. And what the hell are you doing here anyway?"

Michael swallowed hard at the determined look in Vic's eyes. He had never seen that much anger directed at him from his uncle. He would deal with getting his mother to see reason later when his uncle wasn't around but he had more important matters to attend to first. "Have you seen Brian? I called the loft and his cell phone but he isn't answering. I tried to get in but my key nor my code for the front door is working."

Debbie finally broke her silence. She had correctly discerned every thought and emotion written across her son's face during and after his conversation with Vic. She knew that the act of Michael voicing his opinion was far from over but she would be ready to confront him the way Vic had, The more she listened to Michael, the more she realized that her brother was right. "Michael, Brian is busy with Sunshine. Today starts the depositions in case you've forgotten and Justin is understandably having a hard time and requires his partner's attention. Thanks to yours and Lindsay's last escapade of cornering Justin at the loft, Brian had the locks and security codes changed."

"Oh please, Justin made a bigger deal out of it than what it really was. We just went by there to see how he was really doing."

Debbie shook her head in the negative. "No, you both went by there to bully Justin into leaving Brian. What you didn't expect was that he was in the middle of one of his many panic attacks and you both scared that poor boy out of his wits. Any progress he might have made to resuming his life, you and fucking Lindsay has set it back in ways you both cannot imagine. We were there this morning during one of his episodes and let me tell you, regardless of what you may think that level of terror cannot be faked."

"And speaking of partners Michael, why aren't you with yours?" Vic asked.

Michael once again crossed his arms, sticking out his chin. He looked like a grown man imitating a child who couldn't have his own way. "I've decided to return to Pittsburgh."

Vic rolled his eyes. Well now the question of why Michael was looking so hard for Brian was answered but... "Does David know?"

Michael's eyes bulged out of his head at the question. "He's on a camping trip with Hank."

"Stop stalling and answer the question Michael" Debbie interjected, recognizing Michael's attempt at avoidance.

Michael lowered his eyes before answering. "Not yet. But it won't matter to him when he figures it out. We had a huge fight and he told me to go home so I did."

"Uh huh. And just where was this fight when it happened Michael." At the look of confusion on his nephew's face, Vic decided to give some examples. "Was it in the car? David's office or the club that you two belong to?"

Realization dawned in what Vic was really asking, "It happened as I was dropping David and Hank off at the airport."

"And it never occurred to you that he meant to go to your house in Portland?" Vic couldn't believe what he was hearing,

Michael continued to defend himself, "I've never felt at home there, You know it; I know it and after the way he treated me at the Housewarming party, all of David's friends know it too, I never felt included in any of the conversations. He ignored me except when he was treating me more like the hired help instead of his partner. He made me feel like the ex-hustler turned actor who was draped on the arm of one of his doctor friends had more value than I did. I didn't have anything in common with those people and David and then Hank lorded it over me. But that isn't even the worse part. When his ex-wife Laurie showed up, she pet me on the head and I ceased to exist entirely. They were all his and her friends and it was more than obvious that I had no place in their circle. Ma, you have to let me come home," Michael cried.

Debbie went to hug her baby but Vic stopped her. "Michael, it's not about us telling you whether you can come home or not. You've made your decision and you have to stick to it. Beginning Monday, you can stay in your old room but after that you have two weeks to find your own place and a job to support yourself. It's one thing to make your own decisions, it's another thing to live with the consequences of them."

Michael's eyes widened at Vic's pronouncement. "Ma, you're going to let him do that to me?"

At first Debbie stood there, chewing on her lower lip. This was her son whom she'd carried and cared for all his life. Even now she felt that pill of maternal instinct and love that knew no bounds. But Vic was right. Michael had always been impulsive and this was no different. "Yes Michael, I am."

"But...but you're my mother for fuck's sake," Michael sputtered,

"Yes I am but you are also a thirty year old man, Michael. It's time that you start learning to reap what you sow. It's not that I don't love you. It's because I love you that I agree with Vic's plan to get you back on track. Now I have to get back to work. By the looks of it, you haven't eaten at all this morning in your haste to escape Oregon, Sit down."

Vic informed Debbie as she made her way to the kitchen that he was going to head over to meet Emmett at the site for their new business venture, He and Emmett had been in talks about starting  their own catering business, Thanks to some careful planning by Emmett, some sound financial advice by Ted and some well-placed advertisements as well as a loan for the start-up from Brian, Emmett and Vic had their first meeting with a prominent client later today. He and Emmett had decided on a sampler menu for the well-respected businessman to try before nabbing the client. The affair was to cater a multi-million dollar wedding and they wanted to make sure that all was in readiness, It would have helped if both Brian and Ted could be there to soothe their nervousness but between the solid business plan and he and Emmett working the kitchen together, HoneyGrass Catering was sure to be a success. Vic bent over and bussed his sister's cheek reminding her to stay strong in the face of Michael's inevitable temper tantrums and then he was gone,

As for Michael, once realizing that nothing he had planned was working out as he'd hoped, he flounced himself down in his favorite booth which was devoid of the gang. He had hoped that he could entice Brian away from Justin for a few hours to invite him to the Comic-Con happening this coming Saturday night but it was evident that it wouldn't happen. He felt bad for the situation Justin found himself in but the twink's continued presence was really fucking up his life as he'd known it, This was certainly not the homecoming he had been expecting.