Seeing Clearly

Chapter 1




Brian stepped off the elevator and walked past reception at Vangard.  He could feel several pairs of eyes staring at him, but he kept walking.  He had wondered what the reaction to his return to work might be.  Whatever it was, he was sure he could bluff his way through.

“Brian,” a voice said from behind him.  “It’s good to have you back.”

“Gardner,” Brian said turning to face his boss.

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Cynthia said you were laid up with…” Gardner hesitated.

“With what?” Brian snapped.  What the fuck had Cynthia told them?

“She said you were contagious.”

“Contagious, yes, I was,” Brian agreed, deciding that he would go along with whatever Cynthia had told them.  What the hell kind of contagion was he supposed to have had?

“But you’re better now?”

“One hundred percent.”

“Not contagious.”

“No, not contagious.”  What had Cynthia cooked up as a cover story for his blindness?
“That’s good,” Gardner said.  “We wouldn’t want you spreading severe pink eye through the office.”

“Pink eye,” Brian repeated trying to keep his mouth from dropping open in surprise.  How the fuck had Cynthia come up with that disease.  “No, we wouldn’t want that.”

“Well, it is good to have you back, although the work you did from home on the cellular account was first rate.”

“Thanks,” Brian said.  “Cynthia was a very big help with that.”

“Yes, she said she worked at your loft a few days.  We were a little worried that she might get infected.”

“We, um, were very careful.”

“That’s good.”

“I better get to work.  I’m sure I have some catching up to do,” Brian replied as he turned and walked towards his office.  As he stepped through the door Cynthia arrived to ask if he wanted coffee.  “Don’t I always have coffee?” he asked.

“Yes, but I wondered if things had changed.”

“Does pink eye affect your personality?” he asked rolling his lips into his mouth.

Cynthia chuckled.  “I had to tell them something.”

“Couldn’t I have had something more glamorous … like bubonic plague?”  Brian smirked.

“Oh yeah, that certainly would have reassured them,” Cynthia said sarcastically.

“Coffee,” Brian ordered.

Cynthia disappeared through the door to get the desired beverage.  Brian was about to sit down at his desk when he stopped.  He scanned the room looking at all the familiar things that somehow seemed … different.  Did getting cracked over the head, lying in a coma for a few days, being blind and having someone try to murder you change you?  Brian stood lost in thought.  Maybe it did.

“Here’s your coffee,” Cynthia said from behind him, breaking him from his reverie.

“Thanks,” Brian said taking the mug and sipping the hot brew.  It was comforting that the coffee tasted the same as it always had.

“Brian, is everything all right?”

“Yes,” he answered quickly.  “Everything’s fine.”

“What do you want to start with?”

“I’d like to see the boards for Carrier Cellular.”

“But … that presentation has already been made.”

“I know, and we got the account.  I just want to see what they look like.”

Cynthia nodded.  Even though the ideas were Brian’s, he had never seen the final product since he had been blind at the time.

“I’ll go down to the art department and get them,” Cynthia said before she left his office.

Brian sat down at his desk and took another sip of his coffee.  He should boot up his computer and get to work, he thought.  He pressed the button to start the computer.  While it came on line, Brian’s mind wandered.  He and Justin had been almost inseparable for the time since Brian regained his sight.  But that had all ended with Justin going back to school today, and him back to work.  Brian felt a strange tugging sensation in region of his non-existent heart.  With a never before felt realization, Brian recognized that he was missing Justin.

Looking at the time on his computer, Brian picked up the phone and hit the familiar number.

“Hey,” Justin’s voice came on the line.  “You have good timing.  I’m heading for chemistry.  I only have a couple of minutes.”

“I’m noted for my timing,” Brian said.

Justin laughed.  “What made you call?  Do you need me?”

‘Always,’ was on the tip of Brian’s tongue.  “I … I miss you.”  There was a long pause, but he could almost feel Justin smiling.

“I miss you like crazy too,” Justin stated.

“I’m sitting in my office wondering what I’m doing here.”

“Um, I think it’s called work.”

“I’d rather be back at the loft with you.”

“But I’m not at the loft.  I’m at school.”

“I know,” Brian agreed dejectedly.

“You’re a big boy.  You can get through the day.  I know you can do it.”

“Thanks for the pep talk.”

“Anytime.”

“Are you at your next class?”

“Yes.”

“Then I better let you go.”

“I’ll see you after work.”

“You better.”

“Try to keep me away,” Justin chuckled.

“I did.”

“And look where that got you.”

“Right where I want to be,” Brian said with a smile.  Then he couldn’t help but wonder what made him say such a thing.  Before he was blind, he would never have admitted any such thing.  He never would have thought such a thing.  He never would have made this call.  It would never have occurred to him to do any such thing.

“Class is starting.  I gotta go.”

“Later.”

“Later.”

Brian set down the phone.  He wondered why he had called Justin and said those things to him.  He knew deep in his soul that they were all true, but it was so unlike him to admit and speak such things.  Could a crack on the head and being blind have changed him into someone who would do that?  It appeared so.

“Brian, I set up the boards in the conference room,” Cynthia said, sticking her head in the door.

“Be right there.”

Brian stood up.  He wasn’t sure what was going on with him, but something was definitely different.


*****


“I’m home,” Brian called as he entered the loft.

A blond bundle threw himself into Brian’s arms.  “I’m glad you’re back.  I cooked dinner.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to,” Justin said genuinely.

Brian kissed him hard.  He had never had anyone welcome him home.  He liked the reception.  Could he get used to this every night?  He thought maybe he could.

“Do you want to change before we eat?” Justin asked.

“Yeah,” Brian said releasing the young man and walking up to the bedroom.  

He changed into jeans and a wifebeater.  As he was about to return to the lower level of the loft he stopped at the top of the steps and looked into the kitchen.  Justin was stirring something on the stove.  He seemed so content in what he was doing, so engrossed.  The sight made Brian smile.

He came down the steps and stopped beside the table.  It was set meticulously with a bottle of white wine open and in an ice bucket on the table.  Brian picked it up and poured wine into his glass.

“Pour one for me too,” Justin said as he brought two plates of what looked like a chicken stir fry to the table.

“Are you old enough to drink?” Brian asked with a smirk.

“Just pour,” Justin ordered with a scowl.

Brian filled Justin’s glass and then sat down.  “That smells … good.”

“Thanks, it tastes good too.”

“How do you know?”

“A good chef always tastes his food to be sure it’s properly seasoned,” Justin explained in his best professorial voice.  “And I was hungry.  I’ve been nibbling.”  Justin grinned.

“Ah, a secret nibbler.”

Justin laughed.  “I guess you could call me that.”

“I just did.”

After they sat down, Justin began stuffing food in his mouth then looked up and smiled at Brian.  Brian took a taste of the food which was quite good.  He watched Justin eat hungrily.  The boy was still so young.  Brian felt a strange uneasiness as he thought about where their lives could go … together.  Could they be together?  Everyone he knew, and certainly Justin’s family, would have a fit if they found out.  Maybe he was making a big mistake.

“Why are you not eating?” Justin’s voice broke into Brian’s thoughts.  “Don’t you like it?”  His face showed a worried expression.

“I like it very much,” Brian told him, earning a smile in return for his kind words.

“What were you thinking about?” Justin asked.  He had stopped eating to study Brian’s face.

“Nothing.”

“You were.  I can tell.”

“You can, huh?”

“Yep, so you might as well tell me.”

Brian considered his options.  He could tell Justin to fuck off, like he would have told any other person who questioned him like that.  But he didn’t want to hurt Justin’s feelings.  He liked the boy too much for that.  He could remain silent, but he didn’t think Justin would allow him to do that.  Justin’s tenacity had become apparent very early on.  Or he could tell Justin the truth.  Somehow that seemed like the best option.

“Are you sure you want to know?” Brian asked.

“I want to know,” Justin averred.

Brian sucked his lips in thinking about how to broach this subject with the young man.  “Do you have to go home after dinner?”

Justin smiled.  “Do you want me to stay?”

“I asked first,” Brian stated.

“I told my mom that you still needed some help with things, because your vision wasn’t completely clear.  I can call her and tell her that I’m staying.”

“You’d be lying.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“But that doesn’t make it right.”

“Brian, I thought you wanted me here.”

“I do,” Brian admitted.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t like lies.”

“I don’t see how else we can be together, especially if we’re trying to keep it secret.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t.”

“You…you want to tell everyone.”

“I don’t know,” Brian said shaking his head.  “I just don’t know how we can make this work.”

“We can make it work … if we want it to.”

“It should be so easy,” Brian said sarcastically.

“I don’t really understand what the problem is,” Justin said rather mystified about what was troubling Brian.  Justin was ready to lie or do whatever was necessary so he could be with Brian.  Apparently Brian wasn’t willing to do the same.

“There are a million problems.”

Justin tried to think of something positive to say.  “Don’t you want us to be together?” Justin asked.  He felt his heart wrenching in his chest as he waited for Brian’s answer.

“You’re so young.  I … I’m not relationship material,” Brian said.

“Yes you are!” Justin contradicted.

Brian shook his head.  “You don’t know me.”

“I do know you, all I need to know.  I want to be here with you, and I thought you wanted me here.”

“It won’t be easy,” Brian said.

Justin looked at him hopefully.  That sounded like maybe Brian was willing to give it a try.  “You weren’t easy when I found you in the hospital, but we got through it.”

“You weren’t easy either.”  Justin smiled at him.  “And yes, we did get through it.”

“Then we can do this, Brian.  I’ll tell my parents if you want me too.”

Brian stared into the blue eyes.  “Let’s finish dinner then we have a lot to talk about.”

Times were really different when Brian Kinney was volunteering to talk about relationship issues.  He wasn’t sure who he was anymore.


*****


As the evening drew to a close, some important decisions had been made.  They had decided that they would wait until the weekend to start telling their families and friends about what was happening between them.  Justin knew that his father might very well kick him out when he learned what was going on.  Brian had promised that Justin could move in with him if that happened.  They had discussed how to tell Brian’s friends, and had finally concluded that the best way was for Michael to be told.  He would spread the news in no time flat.  With all those decisions made, they were only too happy to retire to the bedroom, after Justin called and told his parents another lie.

Seeing Clearly

Chapter 2





“Hey, Mikey,” Brian said as he slid into the booth in the diner.  “Where’s Tweedledum and Tweedledee?”

“Ted and Emm just left,” Michael replied without blinking an eye.

Brian smiled.  He had waited until he saw the other two leave before entering the diner.  He had been hoping to catch Michael alone.

“I shouldn’t even be speaking to you,” Michael griped with a sour look on his face.  He crossed his arms on his chest and glared at his friend.

“Oh, and why’s that?” Brian asked as he signaled to Kiki to bring him a coffee.  The other bit of good fortune was that Debbie didn’t seem to be working today.

“I left you tons of messages and you never got back to me.  Where the fuck have you been for the last month?” Michael demanded.

“It’s only been a couple of weeks.”

“The only time I’ve seen you is in the park.  You were with that blond kid.  Who is he anyway?”

Brian sucked his lips in.  Was this the time to reveal who Justin was, who he had become in Brian’s life?  That was what he had come there to do.  “He’s my lover,” Brian said his voice little more than a whisper.

Michael’s mouth dropped open.  He looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out.  Kiki chose that moment to arrive with the coffee pot.  Michael stared at Brian as Kiki filled the cup.  His eyes blinked several times, looking like he was trying to clear his vision.  He couldn’t seem to believe that Brian Kinney had said such a thing.

If Michael’s reaction wasn’t so important to him, Brian would have laughed.  Michael looked like a fish out of water, gulping for air.

As soon as Kiki moved away, Michael hissed, “What the fuck do you mean?  Lover?  You mean you’re fucking him.”

“That too,” Brian said with a smirk.

“This isn’t funny, Brian.  He’s a kid, under age, you’re asking for trouble.”

“He’s almost eighteen, and he’s no kid.  He’s pretty…”  Brian searched for the right word.  He could say grown up, mature, helpful, wonderful…

“I can see that he’s pretty, but there’s more to a relationship than looks,” Michael expounded.

Brian stifled his chuckle.  “I was about to say that Justin is very mature and capable for his age.”

“His age is the issue.  He’s way too young for you.  You can’t be serious about starting a relationship with him.”

“It’s already started,” Brian admitted, taking a sip of his coffee.

“This is crazy.  What’s happened to you?  Who are you, because the Brian Kinney that I know would not be having this conversation,” Michael declared.

“Things change.”

“You don’t change.”

“Maybe I have.  Some things have happened.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t want to get into all that at the moment,” Brian said.  He wasn’t sure he understood the changes himself.  He knew he couldn’t begin to explain them to Michael.  He also knew he didn’t want to deal with the questions Michael was sure to fire at him.

“Brian, what’s going on?” Michael asked clearly mystified.

“I have to go, Mikey.  I’ll talk to you later.”

Brian beat a hasty retreat from the diner.  Thankfully Michael didn’t follow him.  He had accomplished what he set out to do.  Michael knew that he and Justin were together.  It wouldn’t be long till his phone was ringing off the hook, once Michael informed the gang.  With a feeling of accomplishment Brian headed for the loft.


*****


Brian paced back and forth across the loft.  As he reached the windows each time, he’d stop and look out.  He wanted to see the now familiar blond head coming down the street from the bus stop on the corner.  Each time he was disappointed.

Justin had gone to his parents’ house to tell them that he was gay.  He would probably be back soon with his belongings in a duffel bag and his heart crushed because he’d been kicked out.  Either that or he might be locked in his room with his parents refusing to let him out until he changed his sexual orientation.  Brian did another loop of the loft.  Still no sign of Justin.

Brian sat down on the sofa running his hand through his hair.  He shook his head.  What the fuck was he doing?  Was he really crazy like Michael had said, trying to start a relationship with a teenager?  Brian rolled the idea over in his head.  He had avoided relationships all his life.  He knew they were bullshit and led to nothing but unnecessary heartache.  Look at Michael and Dr. Dave.

Brian’s thoughts then turned to Justin.  He couldn’t put his finger on what it was about the boy, but Justin had definitely done something to him.  Brian knew deep inside that he had changed.  The crack on the head, the coma, being blind, meeting Justin – they were all woven together somehow.  And they were all very important.  With a shock of realization Brian knew that his view of the world had changed.  His priorities had changed.  His life had changed.  Fucking and success in business were all that had been important to him before.  Now, he wanted more.  He wanted Justin’s arms around him.  He wanted companionship and … love.  He wanted the whole fucking spectrum of things that life had to offer.  And Justin Taylor promised to help him find all that.  Brian knew he couldn’t let the boy go.  He and Justin were inextricably entwined.  He had to see this relationship through to whatever waited at the end.

Brian stood and did another loop of the loft.  He stopped by the windows, drawing back the curtain.  As he looked out the window once more, a silver car pulled up in front of the loft.  The blond head he had been looking for jumped out.  Brian’s heart stood still.  Had Justin’s parents agreed to let him be with Brian?  Were they delivering their son to the loft?  That kid had balls, and maybe his parents did too.  Brian saw Justin pull a bag out of the backseat of the car, and then he leaned in to talk to the driver.  When he stood up, the car immediately drove away.

Brian waited for the elevator to come up.  When he heard it, he pulled the loft door open and waited as Justin’s blond locks came into view.

“Hey,” Brian said as Justin lifted the gate.

“Hey,” Justin replied trying to keep his voice level, not revealing any of the emotions he was feeling.

“How did it go?”

“Not good.”

“Oh?  I saw someone let you off.  I was hoping it was your parents.”

“It was my mom,” Justin said carrying his bag into the loft.  “My dad went ballistic when I told him I was gay.”  Justin hesitated to say more.  He set his bag by the sofa and kept his face turned away from Brian.

“What did he do?” Brian asked moving closer to Justin.  There was no response.  “Justin?”

“He … he hit me.  He slapped my face,” Justin managed to get out as his voice started to crack.

“Fuck!” Brian reacted.  He pulled Justin against his body holding him close.

Brian could feel the heaving of sobs coming from Justin even though the boy made no sound.  He buried his face against Brian’s chest and held on for dear life.  After a couple of minutes, Justin drew in a ragged breath.  Brian could feel him relax a little bit.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Justin moaned.

“I … I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Justin said trying to get himself under control.  He didn’t want to be a baby in front of Brian.

“It’s my fault.  I brought you here and started this…”  Brian didn’t know what to call it.

“I wanted you, Brian.  I still do.  I want to be here.  It’s nobody’s fault, except my fucking father.”

“I can’t believe he hit you,” Brian mumbled thinking back to his own experiences with a father who liked to use physical discipline.

“What he said was even worse,” Justin admitted.

“What did he say?”

“He said I wasn’t his son.  He doesn’t have a gay son.  He said that if I was his son, I’d take back everything that I told him.  He denied everything I am.  He hates me,” Justin said tears in his eyes as he leaned back to look at Brian.

Brian was about to say that it would be all right as time went on, but he knew that was probably not true.  Instead, he said, “Justin, you could go home and tell him you’re not gay.  I’ll understand.”

“Fuck no!” Justin replied adamantly.  “It took me long enough to get the courage to tell him I am gay.  I’m not taking it back.  I want to be here with you.”

Brian kissed the tear filled eyes, and then his mouth found Justin’s lips in a kiss filled with longing and heat and love.

The next thing either of them knew they were in the big bed recovering from a round of spectacular sex.

Justin turned to look at Brian who was still gulping air.  “That was great,” he gushed smiling at his lover.

“You’re wearing me out,” Brian admitted.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’

“Yeah,” Brian agreed.

Justin’s face grew thoughtful.  “Brian, how is this going to work?  Are you okay with me staying here?”

“Yes, I want you here.”

Justin smiled and then his bright shiny face got cloudy and sad.

“What?” Brian asked.

“I … I don’t know what to do about school.  I guess I can’t go to university.  I’ll have to look for a job.”

“You’re going to university,” Brian declared.

“But my dad won’t pay.  He’s disowned me.”

“I’ll pay, and don’t even think about refusing.  You’re going.”

Justin opened his mouth to protest, but the look on Brian’s face made the words die on his tongue.  “Are you sure?” he asked in a small voice.

“I’m very sure.”

“Can…can we call it a loan?”

“A loan?”

“Brian, I don’t want your money, but I do want to go to school.  I’ll pay you back when I get a job.”

Brian almost told him no, but he could see the sincerity and the worry on Justin’s face.  “Okay, it’s a loan.  You can pay me back when you become rich and famous as a…”  Brian hesitated when he realized how little he really knew about Justin and his hopes and dreams for the future.  “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Justin glared at his lover and then answered honestly.  “I know what I’d like to be, but I don’t think that’s possible.”

“What does that mean?”

“I…I want to be an artist.  I love to draw.  You’ve seen my sketches.”

“Yes, and they’re very good,” Brian told him, earning a bright smile in response.  “So be an artist.”

“My dad wanted me to take business courses.  I’ve applied to Dartmouth to do that.”

“A businessman … and an Ivy Leaguer.”

Justin frowned.  “What I’d really like to do is go to PIFA.”

“What’s that?”

“Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Art.”

“Then go there.”

“But … it’s really hard to get in.”

“Have you applied?”  Justin shook his head.  “No, my dad wouldn’t hear of it.”

“Is it too late to apply?”

“I don’t know,” Justin admitted sadly.  “Probably.”

“Find out, and if it’s not too late, apply.”

“You mean it?” Justin asked with a big grin.

“You should be the best you can be at whatever you decide to do, and no offense, but I don’t see you as a businessman.”

Justin chuckled.  “Me either.”

“Good, then that’s settled.”

“If you say so,” Justin replied with a grin.

“What are you grinning at?”

“You, you’re pretty amazing.”

“I am?  Why?”

“You’ve been through so much, Brian, but you take the time to listen to what I’m telling you, and you actually help with the solution.  That’s pretty special.”

Brian frowned as he thought about what Justin had just said.  He never would have listened to Justin’s problems in the past.  He would have used him and tossed him aside.  He certainly never would have asked the boy to live here with him, and never would have taken on responsibility for Justin’s schooling, for Justin’s life even.  He knew things had changed somewhere deep inside him, but he was just beginning to realize how much.  The odd thing was that the changes weren’t troubling him.  He actually liked them.  He wished his friends could feel the same way about what was happening to him, but he knew that was highly unlikely.

“Brian, where did you go?” Justin’s voice cut into his thoughts.

“Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About you, about me, about us … here … together.”

“And it troubles you?”

“Yeah, a little bit.  It’s way out of character for the man I used to be.”

“Used to be?”

“The one I was when you first met me in the hospital.”

“You seemed okay to me.”

Brian laughed.  “Yeah, you were infatuated with the blind, gay man who was totally dependent on you.”

“Well, yeah, there was some of that.”

“That’s what I like about you – your honesty.”

“Is that all?”

“No.”

“What else?”

“Fishing for compliments?”

“Maybe,” Justin said batting his eyelashes at Brian.

“I think I started to … love you when you let me trace your face with my fingertips.”

“That was pretty intense … intimate.”

“Yes, and I knew you were the one after I did that.”

“What did you see with your fingertips?” Justin asked taking Brian’s hand and placing it against his cheek.

Brian closed his eyes and let his fingertips caress the soft skin of Justin’s face.  He began to recount what he remembered of that experience.  “I knew you were good looking,” he said.

Justin sighed.  “What told you that?”

“Your nose wasn’t huge.”

Justin laughed.  “I’m glad I don’t have a huge honker or I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Yes you would,” Brian said softly, and he knew that was true.  What he felt for Justin had little to do with looks.  His fingers traced along Justin’s nose then across his cheeks and over the eyelids.  “I could feel gentleness around your eyes.  You never seemed to be frowning or mad.”  The fingers slid across Justin’s brows, briefly caressing the temples.  “And your hair was so soft and easy to touch.”  Brian’s fingers tugged gently at Justin’s hair.  “And then there was your mouth.  It was so … full and firm and I just wanted to kiss it.”

“You can kiss it anytime you want,” Justin offered.  He had gotten hard again as soon as Brian had started to touch him.

Brian slowly opened his eyes, remembering and reliving that wonderful moment when he had regained his sight and had seen Justin standing in front of him.  He rolled towards Justin, gently wrapping his arms around him.

“I love you.  I love who you are, and I want you around for a long, long time.”

“That’s what I want too,” Justin whispered before Brian’s lips captured his, and the world melted away into heat and passion.

Seeing Clearly

Chapter 3





Justin pulled back the loft door.  “Are you ready?” he called to Brian.

“I’m coming.”

“Thanks for dropping me off at school.”

“You’re just lucky I can see to drive,” Brian snarked.

“I got to drive and use your Jeep whenever I wanted while you were blind,” Justin gloated.

“What do you mean … whenever you wanted?”

“You’d give me the keys, and then I could do whatever I wanted.”

“You little…” Brian snarled, but Justin darted down the stairs while Brian locked up the loft.

When Brian caught up to him at the Jeep, the grin on Justin’s face was so adorable that Brian had to kiss him, forgetting all about being angry with him.

“You’re a very bad boy,” Brian whispered as he released Justin’s lips but still held the young man in his arms.

Justin smiled happily.  “Just the way you like me.”

“I like you every which way.”

“I know.”

“Pretty smug, aren’t you?” Brian asked, but he couldn’t help but smile at Justin’s infectious enthusiasm.

“Yep.”

“Let’s get going or we’re both going to be late.”

They were soon approaching St. James.

“I’m so glad I only have a few more weeks to spend here,” Justin said with a sigh as Brian pulled the Jeep to a stop in front of the school.

“You’re supposed to enjoy your high school years,” Brian advised.

“Did you?”

Brian shook his head.  “Get out!  I’m late.”

“See you after work,” Justin said happily as he hopped out of the Jeep.

As Brian drove off, he heard some boys taunting Justin with:  “Hey Taylor, who’s your boyfriend?” and “Taylor, you big faggot!”

Brian looked in the rearview mirror to make sure that Justin got safely into the school.  He realized he had been prepared to turn around and beat the fucking crap out of those kids if they dared to touch his Justin.  With a goofy smile on his face Brian thought about “his Justin” all the way to Vangard.


*****


“Brian, Debbie’s on the phone,” Cynthia informed Brian.

“And so it begins,” Brian muttered as he lifted the receiver to take the phone call.  “Hello, Deb, what can I do for you?”

“You can tell me what the fuck’s going on with you?”

“Why nothing out of the ordinary,” Brian said smugly.

“Asshole, Michael says you admitted to fucking some underage kid, and I don’t believe that I’m going to say these words, but Michael says you’re in a relationship with him.”

“That would be correct.”

“Correct?  Brian, what the hell’s going on?  Are you sick?”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Brian muttered.

“Well, I want to know more than half of it.  I want to know it all.”

“When I’m ready,” Brian stated leaving no doubt that he meant those words.

“Brian, you know you can talk to me.”

“I know, Deb, and I … appreciate everything you’ve done for me over the years.  I’ll tell you all about Justin when I’m ready.”  With those words Brian cut the connection.  He could imagine Debbie sputtering at the other end.


*****


“What are you doing?” Justin asked as he stepped into the loft.  He dropped his schoolbooks on the counter and walked over to Brian who was leaning over the computer desk.

“Listening to my messages.”

“Oh, anything interesting?”

Brian hesitated for a minute.  “You don’t want to know,” Brian finally said.

“Yeah, I do.  It sounds important.”

“Okay, you asked for it,” Brian warned as he pushed the replay button.

Brian, what the fuck is going on?  I’ve called at least ten times, and you’re not returning my calls.  “Michael,” Brian said.

Brian Kinney, how dare you hang up on me?  I want answers.  “Michael’s mother, Debbie.”

Brian, are you trying to be more of an asshole than usual?  Michael is very upset.  Call him.  “Emmett.”

Emmett told me to call you and yell at you.  I don’t know what you’ve done this time, but you’re in big trouble.  “Ted.”

Brian, you need to call me.  I haven’t heard from you in weeks.  Are you okay? You should come by and see your son.   “Lindsay.”

Brian erased each message as they listened to it.  “There were lots more, but…”

“Wait!  Son!  She said son.  You have a son?”  Justin thought he must have misheard, until Brian simply nodded his head.  “You have a son, and you didn’t tell me?”

“It never came up.”

“But…a son.  How could you not mention that?” Justin asked in disbelief.

“I had other things to deal with, Justin.  If you remember, I was blind.”

“I know but…”

“It’s not like I’m really Gus’ father.”

“Gus, is that his name?  Can I meet him?  I used to have a teddy bear called Gus.”

“Justin, did you hear what I said?  I’m not a real father … more like a sperm donor,” Brian admitted, even though he thought he was more than that to Gus.  He hoped deep inside that he could be more than a sperm donor to his son.  He wasn’t sure when that hope had developed, but he knew it was true.  He knew he wanted to mean something to his son, wanted to be part of Gus’ life, but he had promised…

“Brian, I know you’d never turn your back on your son,” Justin declared.

“How can you know any such thing?” Brian demanded, even though he was rather pleased that Justin thought that about him.

“I know the kind of man you are.  I love you.  I know you want to be with your son.”

Brian stared into the clear blue eyes.  He knew Justin stated the truth.  Ever since Gus’ birth, he had longed to hold the baby and make sure that he was going to grow up to be so much better than his fucking father.  But Brian had always refused to let those feelings come to the fore.  He had buried them with so many other feelings that were not expected of him, so many feelings that seemed to be leaping to the forefront these days.  Now that he was changing his life by being with Justin, maybe it was time to let some of those other feelings be actualized.  Maybe it was really time for him to become a father, a man in a … relationship and so many other things that he never thought he could be.  And if his so-called friends didn’t like what he was becoming, then maybe it was time for some new friends.

“I’ll call Lindsay tomorrow and see if we can visit Gus,” Brian said gently.

“You said ‘we’.  Do you mean I can come with you?” Justin asked as a glowing smile started to spread across his face.

“That’s usually what ‘we’ means.”

“I love you, Brian Kinney.”

“And I love you, Justin Taylor.”

The ensuing kiss was warm turning to hot turning to blistering when the phone decided to ring once again.

“What?” Brian snapped as he released Justin and grabbed the phone.  “No, you can’t come up.  I said no.”  Brian smacked the phone down onto the desk.

“Who was that?” Justin asked.

“Guess.”

“Michael.”

“Right on the first try.”

“What did he want?”

“He’s at the front door.  He wants to come up.”

“And you’re not going to let him?”

“No.”

“Brian, are you ashamed for me to meet your friends?”

“No, Jesus, why would you think that?” Brian asked with a deep frown creasing his forehead.

“You’ve kept me away from your friends ever since we met,” Justin said.

“But … there are reasons for that.”

“What?  Other than you’re ashamed of me?  Am I just some kid that isn’t worthy of meeting your friends?  Do you think they’ll make fun of you for being with me?  I know I’m not worldly … or anything.  But I thought you were okay with that.”  Justin’s face revealed all the sadness and disillusionment that he felt.

“You’ve got it all wrong,” Brian replied.

“Have I?  It doesn’t seem like I have.”

“Justin…”

“What?”

“If you want me to bring Michael up here, I will.  I’ll call him back.”

Justin shook his head.  “I…I don’t know what I want.  I don’t know what to believe.”

“Yes you do.  You know that I love you.”

“You mean it?”

Brian walked towards Justin grabbing the boy by the arms.  “I’ve never told anyone that I loved them like I love you.  If you don’t believe anything else, believe that.  Do you believe me?”

Justin nodded.  “I love you too, it’s just that…”

“I’ll introduce you to my fucking friends if that’s what you want.  But…”

“But what?”

“Don’t believe everything they tell you about me.”  Brian pulled Justin against his body and held on.

“Is that what you’re afraid of – that they’ll tell me something that I won’t like?”

“There are things about me that you don’t know.”

“Like that you have a son?” Justin couldn’t help but ask.  He felt Brian shudder slightly.

“There are lots of not so nice things about me,” Brian whispered.

“I haven’t seen any of them.”

“I know, but they’re there.”

“Then we’ll deal with them.”

“How did you get to be so smart and so brave?” Brian asked, gently pushing Justin away so he could look into those beautiful eyes.

“I think I started getting smart the day I met you in the hospital.”

Brian laughed out loud, a sound that Justin was learning to love.  “You must have been very dumb before that day - to let them send you to me.”

“I prefer to believe that it was karma that I arrived in your hospital room.  I’ll always be grateful that it was you they sent me to.”

“Karma is it?” Brian chuckled.  “You are a smart little fucker.”

“Not so little,” Justin corrected him.

“No, not little at all,” Brian agreed before his lips crushed against Justin’s.

Clothes started to fly around the loft as they tore at each other’s garments, needing to be naked and joined.  Brian walked Justin backwards up the steps, his lips never leaving Justin’s.  By the time the back of Justin’s legs hit the edge of the bed they were both naked and fully aroused.  Brian tumbled them onto the bed holding himself above Justin, staring into the blue eyes below him.

“I want you,” Justin whimpered.

Brian reached for a condom.  “Put it on me.”

Justin did as directed.  Then Brian lowered his body closer to Justin’s directing his engorged member into the hot tight channel that was Justin Taylor.  There was no other feeling like this one when they came together.  Brian had never felt with anyone else what Justin Taylor caused him to feel.  It was like the very essence of Justin could be captured in their coupling.  Brian drove home feeling Justin stop breathing as the initial shock of Brian’s rapid entry took his breath away.

After a minute Brian felt Justin start to relax and open himself to Brian.  “I love you,” Justin whispered.  “I don’t care what your friends tell me.  It won’t change how I feel about you.”

Brian paused for a moment to smile before he captured Justin’s lips one more time.  Then the wild ride began, eliciting moans and groans and grunts and shouts.  Such was the intensity of their mating that Brian thought he might go up in flames before he was finished.

As sweat dripped from his jaw onto Justin’s chest Brian felt his balls draw up.  He wouldn’t be able to prolong this wonderful moment much longer.

“Close,” he gasped as he drove into the warm accommodating body again and again.

Justin merely smiled as his own orgasm nearly blew the top of his head off.

Brian wasn’t far behind him and they collapsed senseless on the bed.  Neither able to move, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Seeing Clearly

Chapter 4





A few days went by with Brian and Justin enjoying their time alone.  Brian was able to keep his friends at bay by refusing to take calls from his friends at work, and letting all calls at the loft go to the answering machine, or to voicemail on his cell phone.  He wanted this time alone with Justin to establish some sort of understanding between them, before he unleashed his “friends” on his new boyfriend.  Every time Brian thought about the impending moment when they would all meet, he felt a huge chasm open up in the pit of his stomach.  He just knew they were going to tell Justin things that would make his relationship with Justin strained if not impossible.  In spite of all Justin’s promises, Brian knew that once Justin found out about his past history with men, his reputation, his well known attitudes about life and love, Justin would run for the hills.  What other choice could a young, sensible man make?  And that’s what Justin was - a young, smart, sensible man.

Brian knew these few days were a bit of utopian froth.  Reality would come crashing in on them soon enough.  He thought that would probably start on Saturday when he had arranged a visit with his son.  Gus was too young to care who was holding him, but Melanie Marcus would be a different story.  Brian had asked Lindsay if he and a friend could come over to Muncherville when Melanie wasn’t there.  However, since it was the weekend, Lindsay couldn’t guarantee that Mel wouldn’t be there.  So, the first test of introducing Justin to the people in Brian’s life was about to start.

“How old is Gus?” Justin asked as they drove towards Lindsay’s house.

“He’s a few months.”

“Don’t you know his actual age?” Justin asked puzzled by Brian’s answer.  Parents always knew the baby’s age – to the very day.

“Of course I do.  He was born the end of September, so he’s … five months old.”

“You had to calculate that in your head,” Justin said smugly.

“Well, my head got used for batting practice not so long ago, so maybe I’m not as quick on the draw as I used to be.”

“Geez, Brian, I’m sorry.  Sometimes I forget that you were in a coma.”

“Don’t sweat it, I’m bad as new,” Brian replied.

“Why did you say it that way?” Justin asked frowning.

“When you meet Melanie you’ll know.”

Justin frowned even more.  Brian had told him that Melanie was Lindsay’s partner, and that she didn’t like him, but this sounded even worse than Justin had been expecting.  He couldn’t help but wonder what Melanie would have to say.

“We’re here,” Brian said pulling the Jeep to a stop in front of an older home on a quiet residential street.  It looked pretty ordinary, not like a place where two lesbians would live, at least in Justin’s estimation.  Justin got out and stood on the sidewalk.  Brian seemed frozen in his seat in the car.

“Are you coming?” Justin finally asked.

“I’m contemplating fleeing,” Brian replied tersely.

“Fleeing?” Justin chuckled before he realized that Brian’s face was serious.

“Yes, fleeing,” Brian repeated.

Justin laughed.  “You’re kidding, right?  You’re going to see your son, not an evil ogre.”

“You haven’t met Melanie Marcus,” Brian retorted, but he got out of the Jeep.

When the door to the house finally opened for them, Justin was surprised to see a pretty blonde lady with a lovely smile.  “Come in,” she said.  “You must be Justin.”  She held out her hand for Justin to shake.  “I’m Lindsay.”

“Yes, I’m Justin.”  Justin looked at Brian expecting him to complete the introductions.

“Where’s my son?” was all that Brian said.

“Melanie’s changing him.”  Brian made a face, obviously not pleased that Melanie was at home.  “Would you like some tea, Justin,” Lindsay asked.  “I made some chocolate chip cookies.”

“Sounds great,” Justin said following Lindsay to the living room.

“I’ll get the tea.  Have a seat,” she said before heading to the kitchen.

Brian and Justin sat down on the sofa.  Neither said anything for a minute.

“Lindsay seems nice,” Justin eventually said.

Brian snorted.  “Yeah, wait till you meet her worse half.”

“Brian…”

“Lindz, we need to get some more diapers,” Melanie called as she came down the stairs carrying baby Gus.  “Oh, you’re here,” she reacted when she saw the two men seated on the sofa.  “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Selective hearing, I’m sure,” Brian retorted.

“I wish I had selective seeing where you’re concerned,” Melanie snapped.

“Stop it, you two,” Lindsay said as she carried a tray with tea and cookies into the living room.  She set it on the coffee table.

“Give me my son,” Brian said.

Melanie looked like she wanted to rip Brian’s tongue out and stuff it down his throat, but a glance from Lindsay, and Justin could see Melanie bite her lip.  She handed Gus to Brian, albeit grudgingly.

“Hey, Sonny Boy,” Brian cooed settling Gus on his lap.  “I missed you.”

“Not enough to come and see him,” Melanie felt compelled to remind Brian.

Brian ignored her, holding baby Gus on his lap and tickling his little chin.  Gus giggled and looked up at his father.

“He’s so cute,” Justin said.

“He’s the most adorable baby in the whole world,” Lindsay gushed.  “Have a cookie, Justin,” she suggested as she poured tea.

“Thanks, it’s really nice to meet both of you and this adorable baby,” Justin said with a smile before taking a bite of cookie.

“How did you and Brian meet, Justin?” Lindsay asked.

Justin looked at Brian wondering how he should answer that.  He knew Brian had kept his blindness a secret.

“Justin’s my Seeing Eye dog,” Brian supplied.

Justin almost choked on his cookie.  Lindsay and Melanie looked aghast.

“That’s a horrible thing to say,” Melanie began.  “Justin may be young, but calling him a dog…”

“Actually he’s right,” Justin agreed.

“How does he get everyone to defend his fucking deplorable behavior?” Melanie demanded to know.

“I’m just as adorable as my son,” Brian said with a smirk.  Gus giggled in response.

Melanie glared at Brian.  “Justin, would you care to explain the ridiculous statement that this asshole just made?”

“Um…”  Justin wasn’t sure what to say.

“Fuck it!  You’ll find out sooner or later,” Brian interrupted.  “A few weeks ago I was hit on the head and put in a coma for a few days.  When I came to, I was … blind … for a while.”  Brian still found it hard to admit to his blindness.  Somehow that seemed worse than being in a coma.  At least in the coma he was oblivious to how helpless he was.  Blindness made him unable to do almost anything for himself.  Brian noted the women’s mouths dropped open at his admission.  He wasn’t sure if it was in sympathy or disbelief.  At least their surprise kept them from saying anything.  “Justin came to my rescue,” Brian continued.  “He was doing some public service at the hospital and they assigned him to help me while I was blind.”

“Are you shitting me?” Melanie demanded.  Disbelief was clear in her voice.

“You asked how we met, and I told you,” Brian countered.

“That is the fucking biggest piece of crap I’ve ever heard,” Melanie disagreed.

“Justin, is any of that true?” Lindsay asked looking to Justin to verify Brian’s statements.

“Yes, it’s true,” Justin said.  He noted that Brian had conveniently avoided mention of the fact that he had been assigned to Brian as punishment for being caught with pot.

“You cannot agree with this asshole,” Melanie retorted.  “It’s a load of shit.”

“It’s true,” Justin repeated.

“Jeez-us!  I can’t believe you would help Kinney in this elaborate fabrication.”  Melanie shook her head like she could make the whole story go away.

“Mel…” Lindsay said.

“You know it’s a pack of lies, Lindz.  Don’t you defend him too.”

“I’m not defending him.  I think he’s telling the truth.”

“Why would someone clobber you over the head?” Melanie sneered.

“Mugging,” Brian replied.

Melanie frowned.  “You didn’t call it a mugging.”

“Poor choice of words,” Brian said.

“I don’t believe any of it.”

“Then fucking don’t!  Like I give a shit!” Brian said. He kissed Gus on the forehead and handed the baby to Lindsay.  With a lingering glance at his son Brian stood up.  “Let’s go, Justin.  Apparently we don’t have sufficient veracity to be welcome in this ultra truthful abode.  Maybe you can bring Gus to the loft so I can see him some time, Lindsay,” Brian added as he reached the front door.  “And come alone!”

“Brian wait,” Lindsay called.

“We’re leaving.  Right, Justin?”

Justin nodded.  “Nice to meet you,” he added lamely as he followed Brian out the door.  As the door slammed behind them, Justin heard Melanie yell, “Asshole!”

Brian was already in the Jeep by the time Justin got to his side of the car.  Justin half expected him to drive away without him.  He knew Brian was furious.

“Brian, I…”

“Don’t even start,” Brian cut him off.  “It was nice to meet them?” Brian asked sarcastically.  “Care to enlighten me as to what was nice about that whole fucking encounter?”  Brian started the Jeep and roared away from the curb.

“I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing,” Justin apologized.

“Yeah, sorry,” Brian griped as he screeched to a halt at a stop sign.

“I see what you mean about Melanie.  She sure doesn’t cut you any slack.”

Brian snorted.  “That’s an understatement.”  Brian drew in a deep breath.  “I’m sorry I got … testy with you.  That wasn’t your fault.”

“I … I just didn’t know what to say to them.  I didn’t know how much you wanted me to reveal.”

“Justin, you can always tell the truth.  Remember that.  I’ll never be truly angry if you tell the truth.”

Justin stared into Brian’s hazel eyes.  He could see that Brian really meant what he had just said.  “Okay, I’ll stick to the truth,” Justin said.  “But you should too.”

“Me?  What are you talking about?”

“You made me out to be some kind of saint doing public service at the hospital, not a criminal paying for getting caught.”

“You’re not a criminal.”

“In the eyes of the law I am.”

“Well, the law is fucked.”

Justin chuckled.  “Yeah, the law is fucked, but I’m still a criminal.  So, you need to tell the truth about me, and I’ll tell the truth about us.”

Brian couldn’t help but smile.  “You’re…”

“What?  Indescribable?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Brian said leaning over to kiss Justin’s warm, full lips.

A honking horn reminded them that they were still sitting at the stop sign.

“I think it’s time we went home,” Brian said.

“Or we could go back.”

“Back?” Brian asked as he proceeded through the intersection.

“I saw the way you kissed Gus before you handed him to Lindsay.  You weren’t really ready to leave.”

“Is that right?”

“And you were really angry at Melanie, but you still handled Gus with such tenderness.  I could see how much you love that baby.”

“I … I do love Gus … a lot.”

“I know, and you have every right to spend time with your son.”

“And then there’s Melanie,” Brian said shaking his head.

“Yes, there’s Melanie.  She’s a bully.”  Brian gave him a look.  “But Melanie Marcus doesn’t scare me,” Justin bragged.

“Are you nuts?  She’d scare Godzilla.”

Justin laughed.  “If we’re together, and we are, she can’t hurt either one of us,” Justin informed Brian.

“And how do you figure that?”

“She thinks words can destroy you.  They can’t … as long as we are truthful and together.  She’s got nothing on us.”

Brian laughed out loud.  “I love the way you think.”

“I love the way you think too,” Justin replied.  “And I think I have a very special reward for you when we get back to the loft.”

“A reward?”

“Oh yeah, a very special reward.”

“I like the way your mind works.”

“I know you like the way my mind works,” Justin said with a happy smile.

Brian stepped a little harder on the gas.  Thoughts of Melanie Marcus were shunted aside, as Brian pictured a naked Justin lying in their bed.  The trip to the loft seemed to take forever.

Seeing Clearly

Chapter 5





“Oh, fuck!” Brian gasped as he came … hard.

Justin felt Brian’s weight drop down on top of him, and instinctively his arms came across Brian’s back holding him in place.  Justin never wanted Brian to leave, even though he knew there were mere moments until Brian rolled aside.  He linked his fingers, holding Brian tight.  He would have these few moments, and maybe he could even extend them, just a little bit.  These were the moments when he felt closest to Brian, totally connected.  These were the best moments when they had sex, or when they made love.  This had been love.  Justin knew it as surely as he knew his own name.

“Justin,” Brian whispered.  It came out as something between a moan and a groan.

“I’m here.”

“I’m crushing you.”

“I like you right where you are,” Justin whispered against Brian’s sweaty hair.  “Stay.”

Brian breathed deeply smelling the scent that was uniquely Justin.  They were still joined, but after another few seconds Brian felt his softening cock slip out of Justin.  Justin’s little gasp only reinforced the loss that they both felt at that moment.  Brian stayed where he was, liking the feel of Justin’s arms around him.  If he didn’t know better, he would admit to himself that Justin was protecting him, comforting him, loving him.  Brian knew that he was the alpha male, but sometimes it was just what he needed – these feelings of being taken care of that Justin elicited from him – feelings that he had never felt before, never allowed himself to feel before.  And he knew deep inside himself that these feelings were something he had craved all his life, but wouldn’t have even been able to put a name to before he met this incredible young man.

“You okay?” Brian whispered after a couple of minutes.

“Perfect,” Justin replied, his arms still wrapped around Brian.  “You?”

“Not bad.”

Justin chuckled.  “Is that your standard answer to everything?”

“Yeah.”

Justin laughed a little louder.  “I thought so.”

“You’re a smart little fucker.”

“I know.”

“Thanks for making me feel better after our aborted voyage to Muncherville.”

“Why do you call their place that?”

“I don’t know.  I always call it that.”

“Maybe you should try a little harder not to antagonize Melanie.”

“Huh?” Brian asked lifting his head from the nice warm spot in the nape of Justin’s neck.

“You know what I mean.  Honey might get you farther than acid.”

“You don’t say.”

“I do say.”

“Well, I guess I could try,” Brian said rolling off of Justin.  “But I don’t think it will make a particle of difference.”

“You never know until you give it a shot.”

Brian turned his head and looked into Justin’s eyes.  He studied this person who had so unexpectedly come into his life when he had most needed him.  Justin seemed ready to handle anything.  That was when Brian made a major decision.

“Got any plans for tonight?” he asked.

“Not unless you do,” Justin replied with a mischievous smile.

“I guess we could stay in bed for the rest of the day, or … we could go dancing at Babylon.”  Brian waited for the reaction.

“Babylon?”  Justin’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

“I believe that’s what I said.”

“You want to go to Babylon … with me?”

“Yes.”

“But … will your friends be there?”

“Let’s make sure they are,” Brian said reaching for the portable phone which was on the nightstand.

“You’re going to call them?” Justin asked in disbelief.

“Yep.”

“But why?  I thought you wanted to keep us apart.”

“I’m through with that,” Brian averred.  “What happened today showed me that we’re doing the right thing … being together.  It’s time we came clean and let the chips fall where they will.”

“What kind of chips are you expecting to fall?” Justin asked.  He was slightly worried about this turn of events.

“You remember what happened with Melanie, well, multiply it by three, four if you count Debbie.”

“But aren’t these your friends?” Justin asked in bewilderment.  “You said Melanie didn’t like you.”

“Yes, these are my friends.  Michael, Emmett and even Ted.”

“Then why would they act like Melanie.  I don’t get it.”

“It’s a long standing habit that developed … because I deserve it.”

“Deserve what, Brian?  This doesn’t make any sense.”

There was a long pause.  Brian’s fingers ran lightly over the buttons on the keypad of the phone, but he didn’t push any of them.  “Before I met you…” he began.  “Things were different.”

“Different how?”

“I … I’ve fucked hundreds of guys.  That’s all I was interested in,” Brian admitted, refusing to look Justin in the eye.  He waited for Justin’s reaction which he knew would not be good.

“I hardly thought you were a virgin,” Justin replied.

“But I mean hundreds, probably thousands of guys.”

“You’re not positive or something, are you?” Justin asked, suddenly scared by the direction this was taking.

“No, I’m not.  I get tested regularly.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Justin asked.

“You mean you don’t care?”

“I mean that all happened before I met you.  It’s the person here in bed with me that I love.  I didn’t know that other guy.”

Brian looked into the blue eyes.  They were so sure and confident.  Brian could hardly believe Justin’s reaction.  Then Brian frowned.  “There’s more,” he said grudgingly.

“So tell me.”

“I had a mantra that I lived by.”

When Brian didn’t finish that statement, Justin said, “Which was…?

“No apologies, no regrets.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.  What does it mean?”

“You know, it means that I don’t apologize, and I…”

“I know what the words mean, Brian.  But what does it mean to you?”

“It meant that I could do whatever I wanted and I would never apologize for my actions,” Brian explained.  It sounded kind of lame when it was expressed that way.

“And what kind of things would you do that you wouldn’t apologize for?”

“Fuck a guy and kick him out.”

“You were … cruel?”

“Yeah, I guess you could call it that.”

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why were you like that?”

“It’s just the way I was.”

“And yet, you wouldn’t fuck me.  Why?  You could have kicked me out afterwards.  You still can.”

“You’re different,” Brian said.  “I don’t want to kick you out.”

Justin smiled.  “I’m glad to hear that.”

“I mean it.  You are different.  I never fucked a guy more than once.”

“How many times have we fucked since I met you?” Justin mused.

“Plenty!”

“Too many?” Justin asked, wondering if Brian might be getting ready to throw him out now.

“Never too many, never enough,” Brian said turning on his side and kissing Justin gently.

“What’s different about me, Brian?” Justin asked truly wanting to know.

“I don’t know if I can explain it.  You just are.”

“Is that enough for us to stay together?”

“So far it is,” Brian replied.

“But it might not be in the future?” Justin asked, worry written on his face.

“I can’t promise forever, Justin, but for now and the foreseeable future, you’re what I want.  You’re who I love.”

“And I love you.  I really think we can make this work.”

“I hope we can, but you are awfully young,” Brian said tongue in cheek, hoping to lighten the seriousness of this conversation.

“But very mature,” Justin reminded him.

“Very mature,” Brian chuckled as he agreed.

“More mature than your so-called friends by the sound of it.”

“Quite likely,” Brian admitted.

“Your friends are going to say you’re robbing the cradle, right?”

Brian nodded.  “I can hear Michael telling me I’m into chicken, and I look ridiculous with a young kid.”

“Do you believe that?”

“No.”

“Then what difference does it make?”

“They’re going to make you doubt that I love you.”

“They can’t do that.  I know you love me, and I love you.”

Brian laughed, a happy sweet laugh, not the sarcastic self-deprecating laugh that Justin had heard a few times when Brian mentioned his friends.  “Hold onto that thought.”

“It’s not a thought.  It’s a feeling.  It’s how I feel.”

“I can’t believe I’m lying here in bed with you discussing … feelings.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“The old Brian Kinney would never have done that.  I never let myself have any feelings.”

“Sure you did, everyone has feelings.”

“Yeah, you’re right, but I never let myself think about them … or really feel them.”

“That’s sad, Brian.”

“Now that I think about it, it is sad.  But that’s the way things were.  I never let anybody see how I felt.  I was sarcastic and … mean.  That way nobody ever saw if they hurt me or made me feel bad.”

“And because of that they could say any mean thing they wanted to?”  Brian nodded.  “And I bet you gave it right back to them.”

“Yes, and harsher.”

“I see.”

Brian frowned.  “What do you see, Justin.  What do you see when you look at me?”

“I see a kind, caring man.  I see Gus’ father.  I see a successful businessman.  I see a gay man who has made it in a straight world.  I see … the man I love.”

Brian swallowed hard.  That was all the things he knew he wanted to be in his life – all the things he had denied himself for so long, except for the business part of what Justin said.  Brian knew he had always been successful in business, and he would continue to do so.  But not so in other aspects of his life.  The other things Justin saw – that was what he wanted.  He wanted those things to be true too.  He wanted to live up to Justin’s view of what he was.  He knew deep inside himself that it wouldn’t be easy, but he also knew that he could do it.

“I love you, Justin Taylor.  I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I believe it’s for the good.”

“It must have been the crack on your head,” Justin said with a chuckle.  “I haven’t even tried to change you.  I love the man I met in the hospital.  I love you just the way you are, Brian.”

“Maybe that’s what I see when I look at you – someone who knows what I can truly be, not what I’ve always pretended to be,” Brian admitted, his voice soft and full of emotion.

“You can be whatever you want, Brian.  We both can.”

Brian leaned in and kissed Justin, tenderly, gently, lovingly.  This was the man he did love beyond all reason.

“I’m calling my friends.  We’re going to Babylon, and we’re going to show them the new and improved me,” Brian declared, as he hit the speed dial number for Michael.

“If that’s what you want to do, then so be it!” Justin agreed with a pleased smile.

Seeing Clearly

Chapter 6





“Do I look all right?” Justin asked as they walked through the entrance of Babylon.

“You look grrrrreeeeeaaaaat!” Brian joked, kissing Justin’s cheek and breathing into his ear.  Justin scrunched up his shoulders and blushed.  He felt his dick start to fill.

“Stop it,” Justin chastised, trying to adjust his very tight jeans.  “Seriously, none of my clothes are suitable to wear clubbing.”

“I told you we could go shopping, but you wouldn’t get out of bed,” Brian reminded him.

“Hm, seems to me there was something heavy lying on top of me for most of the day.”

“True, but those jeans show off your ass very … pleasantly.”

“Pleasantly?” Justin laughed.  “That’s because they’re a couple of sizes too small.  I thought I had thrown these out.  I don’t know how they got into my duffel bag.”

“They’re perfect for Babylon,” Brian assured him, as they stepped through the doorway into the main part of the club.

Justin stopped short, holding onto Brian’s arm.  Brian took in the look of wonder on Justin’s face.  Brian remembered what it had been like the first time he got into Babylon.  It had been a revolutionary moment in his life.

Justin seemed mesmerized by what he saw.  He stood rooted to the spot as his eyes scanned the club, taking it all in, holding his breath as he looked at all the men, the glitter, the near nakedness surrounding him.  His chest felt the thumpa thumpa as the loud music beat against them.  The smell of sex was in the air, and Justin’s dick responded.  This was going to be a long evening.

“Wow!” Justin reacted.  “This is amazing.”

“Yeah, a-maaz-ing,” Brian laughed.

“Do you see your friends?”

“They’re probably holding up the bar.”

“Oh.”

“Wanna dance before we beard the lions in their den?”

“Sure,” Justin said happily.  He could think of nothing better than Brian’s arms around him in front of all these men.

Brian led him onto the dance floor wrapping his arms around Justin once they found a suitable spot.  Brian hunched down a bit so that they were almost the same height.  He ground his cock against Justin causing them both to throw back their heads and gasp.  Dancers all around them stopped and watched as the vertical version of the ancient horizontal dance was played out between the two men.  As the song came to an end, Brian leaned in and kissed Justin.  They held onto each other as those who had been watching started heading for the backroom or the restrooms to find some relief.

“Are you two done with your show?” a sarcastic voice asked from behind them.

“Yes, Mikey, for now,” Brian replied as he released Justin and turned around to face his friend.  “I believe you’ve already met Justin.”

“Yeah, the kid with the number one computer game,” Michael said snidely.  “Like I believed that.”

“Kudos for being so perceptive, Mikey,” Brian replied.  “Justin doesn’t have a number one computer game, but he’s number one as far as I’m concerned.  Let’s get a drink, Justin.”

With that, Brian took Justin’s hand and guided him towards the bar.  Justin couldn’t resist looking over his shoulder at Michael seemingly paralyzed on his spot on the dance floor.  His mouth was hanging open.  Brian certainly knew how to shut his friend up.

“Two beers,” Brian said to the bartender.

“Is he old enough?” the man asked indicating Justin.

“Two beers!” Brian repeated.  “I’m thirsty.”

“Coming right up,” the bartender said popping the tops off a couple of beers.

“You can handle this, can’t you?” Brian asked as he handed a beer to Justin.

“Of course I can.”

“I don’t want to have to hold your head while you puke.”

Justin laughed.  “Aw, I bet you would if I needed you to.”  Justin took a sip of his beer.  He thought he better take it easy with the liquor when he wasn’t all that used to it.

Brian snorted.  “Don’t press your luck, Blondie.”

Justin grinned at Brian.  “I’ll take my chances.”

“My, my, my, who do we have here?” a voice cooed in Justin’s ear.

“Hands off!” Brian ordered, glaring at Emmett.  “He’s with me.”

“So I see, Mr. Kinney.  And who might this delectable morsel be?”

“Justin, this is Emmett.  Emmett, Justin.”

“Very pleased to meet ya,” Emmett said extending his hand.  He batted his eyelashes at Justin.  Emmett’s hand clasped Justin’s and held on.

“I said keep your hands off, Honeycutt,” Brian warned.

“Yes, sir, of course, sir,” Emmett said releasing Justin’s hand.  “Justin, this is another of Brian’s friends, Ted Schmidt,” Emmett added indicating Ted who was standing behind him taking this all in.

“Hello, Ted,” Justin said shaking hands with the man.

“Nice to meet you, Justin,” Ted replied and quickly released Justin’s hand as he noted the look on Brian’s face.  “We haven’t seen you here at Babylon before.”

“No, this is my first time,” Justin admitted.

“Well, I certainly hope we see more of you,” Emmett gushed.

“Honeycutt!” Brian said in a warning voice.

“In your company of course, Brian.”

“Of course,” Brian said leaving little doubt that if Emmett saw Justin again Brian would be there.

“Brian, who is this kid?  What are you doing with him?” Michael demanded as he came up to the group.  Apparently he had got his mouth closed and his brain in gear.  It had only taken a few minutes.

“Michael, I already told you that Justin and I are … together.”

“You’re insane!  What’s happened to you?” Michael demanded.

“Michael, may I talk to you alone?” Justin asked politely.

“I have nothing to say to you.  I’m talking to Brian.”

“If Justin wants to talk to you, I strongly suggest you do as he asks,” Brian stated.  “Otherwise, we’re leaving.”

“Brian…” Michael whined.  Brian glared at him, letting Michael know that he meant what he said.  “Okay, okay, where can we talk?” he asked Justin.

“Outside,” Brian said.  “Honeycutt, let’s dance while they have their little chat.”

“Dance?” Emmett asked in surprise.

“Yes, you know when you shake your ass to the music, and you raise your hand over your head in that ridiculous move of yours,” Brian explained facetiously.

“I know what dancing is.  What I don’t know is why you’re sending Michael outside with the blond guy while you dance with me.”

Brian dragged Emmett onto the dance floor.  “Justin will straighten out Michael.”

“He will?” Emmett asked.

“Just dance,” Brian instructed as the two tall men began to move to the music.

*****

“What the fuck have you done to Brian?” Michael demanded as he and Justin walked out into the alley near the entrance to Babylon.

“I haven’t done anything to Brian, and I’m going to ask you not to do anything to hurt him.  He’s been through enough.”

“Enough?  What does that mean?  What are you talking about?”

“If you’ll stop ranting for a couple of minutes, I’ll explain.”

Michael folded his arms across his chest.  “Okay, explain.”

“I met Brian under unusual circumstances.”

“Such as…”

“Let’s just say that we connected almost immediately.”

“Brian doesn’t connect with guys, especially infants like you,” Michael said nastily.

“Well, he connected with me.  We’ve been together ever since.  We’re in love.”

“Love?  Brian Kinney doesn’t do love!”

“From what I’ve learned the Brian Kinney you used to know didn’t do love.  This Brian Kinney loves me, and I love him.  I’m asking you, Michael, as Brian’s best friend, not to ruin this for us.”

“Ruin it for you,” Michael parroted.  He was having a lot of trouble fathoming what this blond kid was telling him.

“Brian has changed.  He keeps telling me that.  He even said you would try to convince me that he couldn’t possibly love me.  You won’t be able to do that, Michael, because I know he loves me.  He has changed.  He wants a different life.  That life includes me.  If you try to stop him from having it, you won’t be his friend much longer.”

“Is that a threat?” Michael asked.

“It’s not a threat.  I’m just telling you how it is.  I want Brian to have his friends, but I also want them to have his best interests at heart.  I look out for him now.”

“You sound like you’re married.”

Justin shook his head.  “We can’t marry even if we wanted to, but I am living at the loft with Brian.  We’re together.”

“Is that why he wouldn’t let me come up the other day – because you were there?”

“That was part of the reason.  We’re still getting to know each other.  He wanted some privacy while we do that.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about Brian,” Michael said.

“Probably, but if you mean the reputation he has, and his one time only policy and the hundreds of men he’s been with, I know all about that.  And I don’t give a fuck.”

“But…”

“Michael, I’m sure there’s much more that will come out as time goes on, but I don’t care.  I love him … just as he is.  So, I’m asking you, can you be happy for us?”

“I only want the best for Brian.”

“I hoped you’d say that.”

“And you think you’re what’s best for him?”

“I’m going to do my very best to be just that.  I won’t hurt him, Michael.  I promise.  And I would like your promise that you won’t hurt him either.”  Justin held out his hand to Michael.

“You and Brian, you’re really a couple?” Michael asked.

“We’re really a couple,” Justin said still extending his hand towards Michael.

Finally Michael reached out and they shook.

“Thank you, Michael.  You won’t be sorry.”

“I better not be,” Michael averred.  Then he shook his head.  “I’m sorry that sounded so harsh.  I’m having a little trouble getting my head around this new Brian Kinney.”

“So’s he,” Justin chuckled.

“Really?”

“Yep.  He doesn’t quite know what’s happened to him, but I think between the two of us we’ll figure it out.”

Michael shook his head.  “I don’t know what to make of all this.”

“Just be his friend.  Cut him some slack.  He’ll tell you all about it as time goes on.”

“Okay, I’ll try,” Michael agreed.  “Let’s go back inside.”

“And Michael, thanks.  This means a lot to me … and to him.”

Michael nodded and they walked back inside Babylon.

When Brian saw them he stopped dancing with Emmett and walked over to the bar where they were heading.  “So how did you ladies make out?” he asked.

“Just fine,” Justin replied looking at Michael for confirmation.

“Fine,” Michael agreed.

“You didn’t come to blows or a shoving match?” Brian asked.

“You wish,” Justin laughed.  “Two men fighting over you.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”  Brian grabbed Justin and pulled him against his body.  He kissed Justin’s cheek.  “Let’s dance,” Brian said.

“Sounds good to me.”  Brian led him back onto the dance floor.

Emmett, Ted and Michael stood at the bar watching Brian and Justin move together to the music.

“What did you and Justin talk about?” Emmett asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

“About how Brian has changed,” Michael said simply.

“Brian has changed?” Ted asked.

“In case you haven’t noticed,” Michael said looking at his best friend, “Brian is in a relationship with this Justin Taylor.  They’re in love.”

“Oooh,” Emmett responded.  “I think they’re as cute as can be.  I can’t believe Brian Kinney has a boyfriend.”

“You would think they were cute,” Michael laughed.  “I’ll be sure to tell Brian that.  He’ll smack you upside the head.”

“The new and improved Brian Kinney wouldn’t think of doing that,” Emmett stated.  “Would he?” he added with a frown.

“Apparently not,” Michael agreed.  He watched the two men on the dance floor.  He intended to keep an eye on this young kid who had apparently stolen Brian’s heart.  The blond better handle that heart with care.  Michael still had severe misgivings about this so called relationship.  He’d give them a few days, and by that time, Brian would be tired of the kid and back to his usual self.  Michael nodded his head.  He knew he was right.


*****


Justin’s eyes caught Michael’s as he danced with Brian.  He saw a momentary glimmer in them that made him shiver.  He thought he had settled things with Michael, but maybe he had been hasty in that assumption.

Seeing Clearly

Chapter 7




Brian sat on his sofa staring at the curtains as they fluttered in the breeze coming through the open window of the loft.  He had opened the window even though it was still winter in Pittsburgh.  Somehow he felt like he needed fresh air.  He needed the cleansing quality of air, flushing out the old and replacing it with new.  That was kind of how he felt about his life.

It was a week since he had taken Justin to Babylon to meet his friends, who had been surprisingly quiet ever since.  No phone calls or unexpected visits to the loft – nothing to indicate that they had concerns about Justin Taylor and Brian’s relationship with him.  Brian couldn’t help but wonder what they were cooking up.  Their silence never boded well, as much as he might wish for silence from time to time.  Silence, however, probably wasn’t an indication of anything good – quite the contrary, if past experience meant anything.

With a little shiver from the cold, Brian stood up.  He walked over to the open window and closed it, gazing out onto the street as he did so.  It was a clear sunny day, not too cold.  Maybe he’d go for a walk.  He chuckled to himself.  How many times in his life had he ever gone for a walk?  Maybe once or twice when he was a teenager and wanted to get away from his fucking family.  It was always safer to go for a walk than to hole up in his room.  His father could always find him there.  He usually ended up at Debbie’s when fear of his father’s wrath drove him from the house.

Brian turned away from the window.  Maybe the thought that he should take a walk was symbolic – symbolic of his new life.  He certainly seemed to be heading off in a new direction.  He had a boyfriend and was in a relationship, a … committed relationship, if he was truly to acknowledge the situation.  He hadn’t fucked anyone but Justin, since he had been clobbered on the head.  He hadn’t wanted to fuck anyone but Justin ever since he had first met the lad.

Brian wandered across the loft to the kitchen and got a bottle of water from the fridge.  He wondered how Justin was doing.  The boy had gone to meet his best friend, Daphne.  She was going to fill him in on what was going on with his family.  Brian knew that Justin was still hoping for some sort of reconciliation, but Brian had to admit that letting Justin live with him was probably making that more and more unlikely to happen.  But Brian also knew that he wanted Justin here with him, and he didn’t want to let Justin go.  He was pretty sure that Justin didn’t want to leave either.

The crack on the head that had put Brian in a coma and made him temporarily blind had done more to him than just physical damage.  Brian knew he was in the process of re-evaluating his life.  He had to admit that there were a lot of things about his life that he didn’t like very much.  His old routine of one night stands no longer held much allure for him.  He wanted something more, something stable.  He wanted love in his life, not just fucking.

And love had come to him in the form of one Justin Taylor.  Brian knew that Justin was the best thing that had happened to him in a very long time.  He needed Justin, wanted him, loved him.  He wouldn’t let him go.

The buzzer sounded interrupting his thoughts.  Was this the beginning of the onslaught of his friends telling him how fucked up he was for getting involved with a kid, for thinking that he could have a relationship with … anyone?  He sincerely hoped not, but that was what was running through his mind as he walked to the intercom and pushed the button.

“Yeah?” he challenged.

“It’s Debbie.”

‘The big guns,’ Brian thought to himself.  With a weary sigh he pushed the button releasing the door.  He might as well get this over with.  He pulled back the loft door so she could get in and went to sit on the sofa.  He twisted the top on his bottle of water and took a drink.  He waited.

“Brian?” Debbie’s voice called from the doorway a minute or two later.

“Yeah, over here.”

“I brought you and your … boyfriend some tuna casserole.”

“Great,” Brian said half-heartedly.

“I’ll just pop it in the fridge … and then we can have a chat.”

Brian heard the fridge door open and close.  He didn’t bother to turn around, and he didn’t thank Debbie for the casserole that would most likely end up in the garbage.

“Where’s this Justin person?” Debbie asked as she walked over to join Brian on the sofa.

“Visiting a friend.”

Debbie sat down beside Brian.  “Tell me about him.”

“I…”

Debbie studied the man who was like a son to her.  “Got a joint handy?” she asked out of the blue.  They both might need some loosening up if this conversation was going to go anywhere.

Brian snorted.  “I’m beginning to think that’s the only reason you come here … to raid my stash.”  Brian stood up and headed for the chest in the bedroom that held his drugs.  He realized that since his blindness he hadn’t used any of them.  That thought surprised him, but then he smiled.  He hadn’t needed them.  He had Justin.  He grabbed his pot box and headed back to Debbie.

“Here, you can roll one.”

Debbie laughed as she accepted the challenge.  “I haven’t rolled a joint … for years.”

“And here I thought you and Vic sat around and smoked up at every opportunity,” Brian mused as he sat down beside her.

“That’s us, over the hill potheads,” Debbie chuckled as she rolled a joint quite expertly.  She handed it to Brian who pulled the lighter out of the box and lit it, taking a long pull.  He handed it to Debbie who did the same.

“So, tell me about him,” Debbie demanded with a little cough as the weed started to work its magic.

“He was arrested because of this stuff,” Brian said looking at the joint when Debbie handed it to him.  He studied the burning end of the joint before taking another pull.  In some fucked up sort of way pot was responsible for bringing him and Justin together.

“Arrested?  Michael didn’t tell me that.”

“Just what did Michael tell you?” Brian asked with a frown.

“He said this … kid, Justin, was way too young for you, that you were making a huge mistake.”  Debbie took another puff again giving a little cough, but feeling the smoke begin to mellow her out.

“And when did your son become the arbiter of all things Kinney.”

“He’s always been,” Debbie informed him.  “You know he loves you.”

“And I love him, but he’s got to let me live my life,” Brian said filling his lungs with the sweet weed.  He knew he needed the pot to get through this fucking conversation.

“He’s just trying to look out for you.”

“Michael needs to look out for himself.  I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?” Debbie asked pointedly.

“Deb, I … love him.  Have you ever fucking heard me say that before?”

Debbie frowned and stared into Brian’s eyes as he looked at her.  She could see that he was telling the truth about this Justin.  “No,” she agreed, “I’ve never heard you say you love someone … that way.  What’s going on, Brian?  I can see you’ve changed somehow.”

“Did Michael tell you how Justin and I met?”  Brian drew another mouthful of the sweet smoke before handing the small butt to Debbie.

“We may need another one of these,” Debbie informed Brian.  Brian began to roll one while Debbie finished off the first one.  “Michael didn’t tell me how you met Justin.  Is that important?”

“Very.”

“Care to explain?”

Brian licked the paper and sealed the joint.  He lit it taking a puff and then handed it to Debbie.  “Justin got caught with some pot.  He had to do some community service, so his mother talked him into doing it at the hospital.  He was assigned to me.”

“What do you have to do with a hospital?” Debbie asked confused.  “Brian, you’re not making any sense.  Have you had too much of this?” she asked holding the joint out to him, but only after she’d had another toke.

“I was a patient at the hospital.  Justin was assigned to me.”

“Patient?  What the fuck…?”

“I was mugged, Deb.  Hit over the head and robbed.  I was … blind for a few weeks.”

“B…Blind!  Holy fuck!”

“Yeah, good times,” Brian said sarcastically.

“But you can see now.”

“Yes, there was blood behind the eye putting pressure on the optic nerve.  It finally dissipated, and then I could see again.  Justin helped me when I was blind.”

“Jesus Christ!  Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Very.  And I fell in love with Justin while we were together.”

“But Michael said he was just some kid.”

“He is a kid.  He’s about to turn 18, but he’s smart and funny and strong.  He’s not just any kid,” Brian declared.

Debbie studied this man she had known for so many years.  She had never heard him talk like this before.  “Brian, you’ve changed.  You’re different.”

“Thank you, I’ve been trying to tell my friends that, but they don’t seem to want me to change.”

“Is that why you’ve been so secretive?”

Brian nodded slowly.  “That, and I wanted some time for Justin and me to really get to know each other.  We met under … extreme circumstances.  We needed to find out if we could do the day to day stuff.”

“And can you?”

“I’m pleased to report that we can … at least so far.”

“Phew,” Deb said pulling her T-shirt away from her ample chest.  “It’s hot in here.”

“Too much pot for you,” Brian chuckled taking the joint away from her.

“You got any chips or nuts or chocolate?” she asked.

“I could order in.”

“Only if you have another one of these,” Debbie giggled retrieving the joint from Brian.  She took another draw on it.

“You’re a very bad influence.”

Debbie snorted.  “I’m the best thing that ever happened to that snot nosed kid that Michael brought home one day.”

“Yeah, you are,” Brian admitted.  “That’s why I’d like you … and your son, to accept the changes I’m making in my life.  Justin is the right one for me.”

“Are you sure?’

“Debbie,” Brian began, “when you’ve had your skull cracked and been blind, the world looks very different to you afterwards.  I don’t want my old life anymore.  It was … empty, meaningless.”  Brian shook his head as he thought about all the wasted time.

Debbie squashed the joint into the ashtray.  She grabbed Brian and pulled him into a fierce hug.  “I’ve waited so many years for you to realize that.  I want you to be happy, Brian.  I want a good life for you.”

“Justin makes me happy.  We have a good life together,” Brian stated knowing that it was true.

“You’re a good man.  I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Deb,” Brian said as she finally released him from the hug.  “Shall I order pizza?”

“Pizza?  You?”

Brian laughed.  “I told you I’ve changed.  Justin loves pizza.  If there’s any left when we’re through with it, he can have it when he gets home.”

Debbie shook her head, but she had to smile.  Brian obviously cared about what his Justin liked to eat.  He was ordering pizza more for Justin than for the two of them.  “You order in, and I’ll make us another joint.”

“I better order two pizzas.  If you have another joint, you’ll devour a pizza all on your own.”

Debbie giggled but it didn’t stop her from rolling another one.


*****


Justin slid back the door of the loft.  Loud rock and roll music blasted out at him.  With a frown he stepped inside.  He’d never heard Brian play music like this, especially at this volume.

“Brian,” he called.  There was no answer, but if Brian was in the bedroom he probably couldn’t hear him over the loud music.

We built this city on rock and roll blared at him from the stereo system as Justin walked over to it to turn it down.  He pushed the stop button and turned around.  His eyes nearly leapt from his skull.

“B…Brian,” Justin said uncertainly.  Brian was asleep on the sofa with some … woman.

“Huh?” Brian groaned as he tried to sit up.  The woman was half on top of him and he couldn’t sit upright.  “Help me, Justin,” he asked.

Justin shook his head in disbelief.  Brian was shaking the woman trying to get her to wake up.  Finally she started to stir, and then she sat up.

“Christ,” she grumbled, “what the hell time is it?”

“Almost ten,” Justin supplied.  He took in her bright red hair and disheveled appearance.  He wondered what the two of them had been doing.  There were two partially eaten pizzas sitting on the coffee table.

“Who…Who are you?” Debbie asked rubbing her eyes and trying to focus.

“I’m Justin.  Who are you?”

“Justin, this is Debbie.  You’ve heard me mention Debbie,” Brian said trying to give Justin the high sign to be nice to the woman.

“Oh.  Oh!  Hello, Debbie.  I’m Justin,” Justin blathered.

“Nice to meet ya,” Debbie replied.  She had managed to get herself together a little bit.  She gave her tits a hike into her bra and straightened her wig.  Then she attempted to stand up.  It only took her a couple of tries to get vertical.  “You are pretty cute,” she said eyeing Justin up and down.  “You be nice to Brian, you hear me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Justin said.

“I should get going.  I can’t believe it’s ten o’clock.”

“You used to be able to stay up till eleven when you were younger,” Brian teased.

“You’re not so old I can’t take you over my knee,” Debbie mock threatened as she found her jacket.

“Ooh, I’d like to see that,” Justin laughed.

“Has he been teaching you kinky stuff?” Debbie asked glaring at Brian.

“Oh, no ma’am,” Justin assured her.  “He’s only taught me the best stuff.”

Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek and looked smug.  Debbie smacked his cheek affectionately.  “Keep it that way, kiddo.  I have to run.”

“Thanks for the casserole … and everything,” Brian said.

Debbie raised an eyebrow in surprise then she smiled at him.  “I guess you really are changing.”

Brian nodded and grinned.

“Bye, Debbie, nice to finally meet you,” Justin said.

Brian walked Debbie to the loft door and pulled it back.  She reached up and kissed his cheek rubbing at the non-existent lipstick as she always did.  “You take care of yourself … and him,” she whispered.

“Does that mean that he has the Novotny seal of approval?”

“He’s got mine, and I’ll see what I can do to get Michael to give his,” Debbie promised.

“Thanks, maw,” Brian replied as he kissed her cheek.

“You’re making me so fucking flustered I don’t know what I’m doing,” Debbie muttered as she turned to leave and then turned back and then started to leave again.

“Bye, Deb,” Brian said once he got her safely on the elevator.  When Debbie disappeared from sight, Brian walked back into the loft.

“It smells like a rock concert in here,” Justin said as he was putting all the pizza into one box.  “How much did you two have?”

“I lost count,” Brian admitted.

“Are you sure she’s okay to get home?”

“She’ll be fine.  We slept most of it off.”

“God, Brian, that’s like getting your mother high,” Justin chastised him.

Brian laughed loudly.  “My mother would never even talk to me let alone smoke pot with me.”

“Is your mother still alive?” Justin asked.

“Yes, unfortunately, and no, you can’t meet her.  Not in the foreseeable future.”

“But…”

“Sh,” Brian said, putting a finger against Justin’s lips to shut him up.  “I’m horny as hell, and if you’ll take care of that, I’ll feed you pizza later.”

“Promises, promises,” Justin grinned as he started taking off his clothes.

Seeing Clearly

Chapter 8




It took a couple of days before Michael called.  Brian couldn’t help but wonder how hard Debbie had had to work to get Michael to cooperate.  Michael wanted to come to the loft to talk, but Brian felt that he wanted to meet somewhere that was more neutral, somewhere that would be less likely for Justin to walk in on them.  He had visions of Michael saying something stupid and hurting Justin’s feelings.  Brian had severe misgivings about this meeting with Michael.  If his best friend refused to accept that Justin was in Brian’s life, in it to stay, then he was kicking Michael the fuck out.  No matter how much that would hurt … both of them, that was what he intended to do.  There was no two ways about it.

They agreed to meet at the diner after Brian was finished work.  Brian hoped that a diner full of people would keep Michael from making a scene.  Michael was ensconced in the back booth when Brian walked in.  Debbie was behind the counter and gave Brian the high sign before bringing the coffeepot to their table.  She poured Brian a coffee while Michael sipped his Pepsi.  Debbie didn’t say anything, but she gave Michael a withering look before walking away.

Brian fixed his coffee and took a sip.  “You wanted to talk to me?” Brian asked.

“Is he still with you?” Michael asked crossing his arms on his chest.

“I told you that Justin and I are together … permanently.  If you don’t like it, Michael, then don’t bother contacting me again,” Brian stated firmly.

“How can you say that to me?  How can you choose him over me?”  Michael looked like he had just lost his best friend.  He didn’t realize that was about to happen, unless he said the right words.

“I don’t want to choose between you and Justin.  There’s no need for that to happen.  I want you as my friend, Michael, but not if you continue to bad mouth Justin and tell me I’m crazy for being with him.  I won’t put up with that anymore.”

“You …You really love him?”

“I believe I’ve told you that several times.  Nothing has changed.”

“You’ve changed,” Michael accused.

“And that seems to be your biggest problem.  I have changed, and I’m very happy about the changes.  I don’t intend to go back to the way things were.”

Michael studied his old friend.  He was beginning to realize that Brian would not give up this Justin Taylor.  It struck him that if he pushed this much farther, he’d be the one being kicked the fuck out.  “I just don’t get it, Brian,” Michael sighed.

“I know, and I’ll try to explain it to you … but only if you shut up and listen.  Are you listening?”

Michael thought about it for a moment.  After a minute he nodded.

“I assume your mother told you about my stint in the hospital.”  Michael nodded.  “When I got mugged everything changed for me,” Brian began to explain.  “I saw my life for what it was – shallow and empty.  I want more out of life than that.  Justin helped me realize that.  He’s a wonderful man.  And I did say man; today is his eighteenth birthday.”

“Today?”

“Yes, I have to leave soon.  I’m taking him out for dinner to celebrate, and I have tickets for a concert.”

“I thought you didn’t do birthdays.”

“I do now.  That’s another thing that’s changed.”

Michael shook his head.  “Wish Justin happy birthday from me.”

“I will, if you really mean it.”  Brian studied his friend’s face looking for the truth.

“I do,” Michael finally said, and this time he was starting to mean it.

“Good, then I better go.”

“Brian, wait.  I just want to be sure you know what you’re doing.  He’s so young.”

“We’re working it out, Mikey.  That’s all we can do.”

“He doesn’t want you to take him to his prom or anything, does he?” Michael asked trying to be funny.

“Actually, we talked about it, but we haven’t made a decision.”

“We?  You make decisions together?”

“That’s what couples do, or so I’m told.  I really have to get going,” Brian said looking at his watch.

“Okay, have fun tonight.  And, Brian…”

“Yes?” Brian asked after he stood up.

Michael slid out of the booth.  “If you’re happy, I’m happy,” he said pulling Brian into a hug.

Brian kissed Michael gently on the lips.  “Thanks, Mikey.  I hope you and Justin can get to know each other.  He’s really great.”

Michael smiled wanly.  “I’d like that.”  He tried to mean those words too.  “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mikey.  Always have, always will, as long as you let me.”

Michael nodded and Brian turned to leave.  Before Brian reached the door he heard Debbie asking her son, “So, did you make nice?”

Brian couldn’t help but smile as he walked out of the diner.


*****


A few hours later Brian and Justin came out of the concert hall.  Justin slipped his hand into Brian’s as they walked down the street to the parking lot where they had left the Jeep.

“That was a great concert,” Justin enthused.  “Who knew Elton John put on such a terrific show!”

“You’re lucky he was the one playing here tonight,” Brian teased.  “We could have been seeing Menudo.”

“Who?” Justin asked.

“Kid band, extremely boring, no longer together.  Glad you liked Elton,” Brian said with a smile.  It pleased him greatly that Justin had enjoyed his birthday activities.  Brian had given a lot of thought to what he had planned for Justin’s special day.  He was happy he had made choices that Justin liked.  In the bad old days he probably would have got Justin a hustler or some other pornographic shit that Justin would have found … offensive, or at best questionable.  Brian cleared his throat filing those thoughts away, never to be revisited.  “That’s the first time I’ve seen Elton live.  He’s pretty damn good.”

“He’s written a lot of songs.”

“Yeah, some that I even remember,” Brian joked.

“A lot that I remember.”

Brian chuckled to himself.  It hadn’t really taken much effort to plan the night’s activities, just some thinking about what Justin might like, and yet everything had turned out just as he had hoped.  He had enjoyed Justin’s pleasure in what they had done, as much as Justin had enjoyed doing it.  Brian shoved Justin against the Jeep.  “So, how does it feel to be an old man of eighteen?”

“Wonderful … if every day could be like today…”

“I don’t think I can promise you that, but I will promise to try to make you happy.”

“What more could I ask for,” Justin said leaning against Brian.  “This has been the best day of my life – dinner and the concert … and you.”

“Even if it was ridiculously romantic?”

“Because it was ridiculously romantic.  I love you so much, Brian.”

Brian studied the radiant blue eyes before kissing Justin’s lips softly, lingeringly.  “I hope you’ll continue to feel that way.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Brian shook his head.  “Things change.  People change.  You’re going to grow up and experience a lot of things.  You may…”

“Brian, stop!  I am grown up.  I know what I want and he’s right here beside me.”

“You say that now…”

“You’re beginning to sound like Michael.  What has he been saying to you?”

Brian released Justin and indicated they should get into the car.  “I saw Michael after work today.  I made it perfectly clear that he’s not to say anything bad about you or our relationship … or he’s out on his ass in the best friend department.”  Brian started the car and headed towards the loft.

“You told him that?”  Brian nodded.  “Wow!  What did he say?”

“He said he’d try, and he fucking better.”

“Brian, am I turning your life upside down?  I don’t want to make things hard for you,” Justin said with a frown.

“I’m always hard when I’m with you,” Brian teased suggestively.

“Don’t I know it,” Justin laughed.  “I like it that way.”

“That’s one of your finer qualities,” Brian said with a smile.

Justin turned to look at Brian.  His face sobered.  “Brian, I mean it.  I don’t want to come between you and your friends.  I don’t want to upset your life.”

“You’ve already upset my life,” Brian replied.  He glanced at Justin who looked shocked by his words.  He smiled at the young man.  “You’re helping me change my life to the way I want it to be.  Anything in my life that you’ve upset needed to be upset.  You shouldn’t feel that you’re doing anything wrong, Justin.  This is what I want.”

“It’s what I want too,” Justin said happily, relieved that Brian felt that way.

“Do you feel like going to Babylon?” Brian asked.

“Um, not really.  I thought we could just go home, but if you…”

“Home is fine.”

“Good.”

“I might even have a bottle of wine we could crack open, now that you’re old enough to drink.”

Justin laughed.  “That sounds like a great idea.”

They drove in companionable silence the short distance left to the loft.

Brian opened the loft door, allowing Justin to enter first.  The way the evening had gone Justin half expected there to be an orchestra playing and a magnificent gourmet late night snack laid out for them.  Their new personal butler would welcome them home.  Justin had to admit to himself that he was slightly disappointed when the loft appeared to be exactly how they’d left it a few hours earlier.

“I guess I should change,” Justin said.

“Get into something comfortable,” Brian advised.  “I’m going to get some water.  I’ll be up in a minute.”

Justin frowned slightly.  He had expected Brian to start ripping off his clothes as soon as they got home.  He smiled to himself at his use of the word home.  This did feel like home, especially after tonight.  He climbed the steps to the bedroom while Brian headed for the kitchen.

Justin pulled out some sweats and peeled off his sweater and trousers.  Brian made some clanking sounds but then joined him getting out of his clothes and finding some sweats of his own.

“Are you sure we need these clothes?” Justin asked with a mischievous grin.

“For now,” Brian said with a smile curling the corners of his pink lips.  “You know I enjoy helping you get naked.”

“But I was just naked a few seconds ago.  You can easily make me that way again.”  Justin walked towards Brian who was just finishing pulling on his sweats.  He wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck and kissed him … hard.

“As tempting as your offer is, I have something I want to talk to you about.”

“Talk?” Justin asked.  The furrow above his eyes got very deep.  He had never liked that sentence.  At home when his parents said that, they usually had something bad to tell him, or he was in some kind of trouble.

“Yes, talk.  You know that thing where you move your lips and words come out.  I believe it’s also called communication.”

“There are other methods of communication,” Justin replied rubbing his burgeoning cock against Brian’s groin.

“Later,” Brian said firmly lifting Justin’s arms from around his neck.  “Come with me.”  He took Justin’s hand and led him down the steps to the sofa.

“What’s this?” Justin asked seeing an ice bucket with a bottle planted inside it.

“I told you we still had some celebrating to do.  It’s champagne.”  Brian studied Justin’s reaction.  He hoped this was the right thing to do.  Brian still had a lot to learn about romance.  This evening had gone so well.  He hoped he wasn’t ruining it now.

“Wow!  Champagne.”

Brian popped the cork and poured them each a glass.  “A toast,” Brian said, “to being 18 with your whole life ahead of you.”

Justin smiled and took a sip of the champagne.  The bubbles tickled his nose.  He wiped his nose after his drink.  “I’d like to make a toast too,” he said.  He stared into Brian’s eyes.  “To the most wonderful man who loves me and who I love in return.  You’ve made this the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

Brian looked mightily pleased with himself.  “I’m glad you enjoyed your birthday.  It’s almost over,” Brian said glancing at his watch.

Justin heaved a sigh.  “I don’t want it to ever end.”

“There is one more thing.”

“One more?” Justin asked intrigued at what else Brian might have planned.

“I haven’t given you your presents yet.”

“I thought dinner and the concert were my present.”

“Only part of it.”

“What else?” Justin asked his face aglow with excitement.

Brian chuckled.  “Maybe Michael’s right.  You look about twelve years old at the moment.”

“Stop it, and tell me what you got me,” Justin commanded.  He’d let the age crack go, since he seemed to be getting something else from Brian.  Being teased about his age was a small price to pay, and he had to admit, he felt about twelve, as he waited expectantly for Brian to answer.

“Well, there’s this,” Brian replied handing Justin an envelope.

“What is it?” Justin asked in surprise.  He had expected maybe a bracelet or a neck chain or maybe even a ring.

“Open it and see.”

Justin ripped the end of the envelope.  He gasped.  “Airline tickets!” he almost shouted.  “Where to?”

“Paris, for after graduation.  And only if you do well at St. James.”

“Brian,” Justin managed to choke out.  “This is too much.  Are you sure?”

“There’s lots of art in Paris, I’m told.  I thought that would be a good place to improve your culture.”

“There’s two tickets.  You’re coming with me, right?” Justin asked.

“If you want me to.”

“Of course I do!”  Justin flung himself into Brian’s arms and kissed him all over his face.  “I thought I’d had the best birthday possible, but this is even better.”

Brian chuckled as he gently shoved Justin back.  “I have one more thing for you.”

“Oh my God!  More?”

“Yes, one more.”  Brian handed him a small box that could be jewelry.

Eagerly Justin ripped the wrapping away.  He could tell this wasn’t a ring box, but jewelry of any kind, from Brian, would be great.  He lifted the lid and pulled out a cowry shell bracelet.

“It matches mine,” Brian said holding out his wrist for Justin to see that the bracelets were the same.  “I thought this could be a symbol of our … commitment.”

“You are the sweetest man in the whole wide world,” Justin said as he ran his fingers over the shells of the bracelet.

“Here, let me tie it for you.”  Brian carefully placed the bracelet around Justin’s wrist and tied it on.

“Together … forever,” Justin whispered.

“Let’s not promise forever,” Brian cautioned.  “Let’s just say that we’re together from today forward.  We’ll see where that takes us.”

“Paris,” Justin said with a wide smile.

“Yes, Paris … if you complete your studies, young man.”

“Oh, I will.  I can hardly wait for St. James to be over with.  Then I can go to PIFA.”

“And Paris,” Brian chuckled.  “Michael asked me if I was taking you to your prom.”

“Wh…What did you tell him?” Justin asked.  He could just hear Michael’s snide remark.  He wondered what Brian would have said.

“I told him we’d discussed it, but we hadn’t made a decision.”

Justin’s face shone with a radiant smile.  That was the best possible answer Brian could have given.  “You know … I think we should skip the prom.  It’s so juvenile.  Money we’d spend on going there would be much better spent in Paris.”

“My sentiments exactly,” Brian agreed.

“Then take me to bed and make mad passionate love to me until my birthday’s over.”

“That was about four minutes ago,” Brian said looking at his watch once again.  “I guess you’re out of luck.”

“You!!!!” Justin gasped in mock anger, as he made a grab for Brian.

Brian darted to the side and then ran up the steps to the bedroom where he conveniently let himself be caught.