Brian's POV

Brian lifted his head slowly, sure that it was just his imagination that was causing him to think he had felt movement. He was so fucking tired.

He couldn't even remember how many days it had been since they arrived, how many nights he had sat here holding Justin's hand, kissing his forehead, telling him how much he loved him, and begging him not to leave him. He also couldn't recall how long it had been since he had convinced Jennifer to take a walk, to stretch her legs, and to go get something nourishing to eat.

Wait, there it was again, could it really be true that his Sunshine was finally waking up? Was it even possible that the fates would allow it?

In the hours as he waited, he had convinced himself that he really didn't deserve to be happy, didn't have any right to feel the way he did about this young man lying here in a hospital bed.  He was sure that it was because he had allowed himself those lesbianic moments, admitting how much he truly loved Justin, that the powers that be, whatever and whoever they are, had decided to take it all away from him in a flash.  Or, more correctly, at the swing of a bat.

He thought back to the night of the prom. He had staunchly refused to go when Justin had first asked him to be his date.  It broke his heart, (yeah, he had one, he just didn't like other people knowing it and expecting stuff they were never going to get), to watch Justin's face twist in disappointment as he turned him down.

The more he thought about it, though, the more he wanted to turn that frown into the sunshine smile that he had already come to love. Yes, Brian ‘fucking' Kinney, was in love. He wasn't sure exactly when it had happened. It could have been that very first night under the streetlight.

All he knew, all he still knows, is that none of his rules apply for this blond ‘twink',  and that nothing would ever be the same.  So, he went to that prom, open and vulnerable, his dick shriveled to nothing as he gave into all he was thinking and feeling inside, things he had never before even let himself imagine. And now, the one he loved more than life itself, the only one he could ever imagine allowing past the carefully built walls he had erected, was lying here pale and broken, and it was all his fault.

Why didn't he listen to the haunting words of his parents, telling him, with their words, and even more with their actions, that he was not worth loving? Why hadn't he followed his gut, and kept pushing him away, no matter how he yearned to love this boy, and let him love him back?

In a moment of weakness, he surprised Justin, as well as himself, and went to the prom. He smiled as he remembered asking the band to play that particular song, remembered the glee on Daphne's face, and then the absolute glow on the face of his lover. He reminisced about how wonderful it felt to hold Justin in his arms, twirling him around the dance floor as if they had hired a professional choreographer, looking into his eyes and letting his very soul show through. It was ridiculously romantic, totally outside his character, and the most amazing moment of his life.

 He knew that it was obvious to Justin, as well as to everyone else in that room, how much he loved the little twat.  He could never deny it now, and he no longer had any desire to pretend. This is what it felt like to love someone, to open up your heart and allow yourself to be loved in return.

He had never been so content, never thought he could ever be that happy. He never wanted this, he had always been content to be alone, and he never let his heart get in the way of fucking for pure pleasure, and nothing more.  Then, Justin showed him what he was missing.

Now, Justin might die - and he had no idea how he would live without him. "Please, Justin, don't die, don't leave me, I love you! I think I always have."

As a tear spilled from his eye, and ran down his cheek, he felt another twitch, and then, as Justin's hand squeezed his own, the tears began to flow freely, and he rang the call bell and screamed for the nurse. "Page the doctor, I think he is waking up."

Jennifers POV

Jennifer looked down at the caller ID on her cell phone, and gasped as if she had been struck. He almost never called her, and hadn't at all - not since the night he had phoned her to tell her that her only son was in a coma, struck down by a classmate, after the most amazing, most romantic, most blissfully happy night of his life. She smiled unintentionally, as she thought about those words tumbling out of the brunette's mouth, before he had a chance to filter his remarks and think about how much he wanted to reveal to his lover's mother.

Now, here he was, and she didn't know if her voice would let her answer.  "Brian, what is it, is he....", she couldn't continue, didn't really want to hear the answer.

A moment later, shock and excitement showed clearly on her face, along with strange look of uncertainty.  "He's awake!", Brian nearly shouted into the phone, in a voice filled with both love and amazement, "Jennifer, come back to the room, Justin is awake!"

She didn't allow herself to hurry, knowing she needed to be calm, and feeling nothing of the sort. As she walked, she let her mind to slip back to all that had happened in their lives over the past months.

Craig, her husband, had not even responded to her call when Justin was brought into the emergency room.  She could barely believe that he could simply turn his back on their only son, acting for all intents and purposes as if he had never existed.  There was no way he was going to have a gay son. He had made that abundantly clear. He had kicked Justin out of the house, and out of the family, and when she couldn't accept that, he had kicked her out as well. Not that she would have stayed anywhere near him at that point. Still, it was hard on Molly, it still was, and she would have liked to handle it differently.

As she walked through the halls on her way back to the ICU,  she forced her thoughts instead to turn to the young man she had just spoken to on the phone.  She was not exactly warm and welcoming either, when Justin had first gotten involved with Brian.

It had been difficult enough to embrace the visions of her son with another man. Heartbreaking at first to give up on the dreams of weddings and grandchildren that she supposed all mothers fantasized about when thinking about their child's future.

Add to that the fact that he was so much older than her precious son, and that her son was still a child in her eyes, hardly a man with his own dreams, his own desires - and certainly not his own sexual identity - and she supposed she couldn't be too hard on herself for how long it took her to accept them as a couple. Hell, they hadn't even been able to define that for themselves yet, as far as she knew.

The first few encounters with this cocky, brazen young man had not gone well. Brian was distant and aloof, cold even, and she was angry and harsh, her fears coming out more ‘bitchy' than her country club upbringing normally allowed.

Seeing Brian here during this tragedy though, she could not deny the love she saw etched in his features whenever she looked at him. It was obvious from the moment she arrived, that this was killing him inside. She saw the depth of his love written on his face as it twisted in pain. She saw it in his eyes, as the tears poured out, and the light that was normally there in the flecks of green when he looked at her son now seemed dim and clouded.

No, she no longer had any doubts that this man loved her son, with all that he had. Justin had told her that Brian had a horrific childhood, and while she didn't know the details, she believed it when he told her that Brian had never been loved before, really loved for who he was, not what he could give.

Yet, almost as if a part of himself that had been closed off had suddenly been set free, she watched as he revealed a love that he had not learned, but was somehow, miraculously, able to give. It was like it was a part of who he was, who he had always been, down deep inside, before whatever fear and pain he had endured caused him to bury his heart in order to cope with the emotional agony that defined his past.

She arrived at Justin's hospital room, the tears she had been holding back running over so heavily that she could barely see. Justin's eyes were open, and as she followed his gaze to Brian's face, she noticed that the light had returned to Brian's eyes as he looked down with love and wonder and joy at her son.

"Oh, Justin, thank God you are awake. Are you in pain, how do you feel", the words spilled out faster than she could manage to control.

"He hasn't spoken yet" Brian quickly informed her, as concern crossed her face when Justin did not respond to any of her questions.  "He has been heavily medicated, and the nurse said that he may be confused and groggy for a while, until some of that wears off. "

"The doctor is on his way, and he will be able to tell us more about what to expect, after he examines him, and does a complete neurological assessment. "

"Ok," Jennifer responded, relieved that Justin's lack of initial response seemed to be normal, and not an indication that his condition might be permanent. She had prayed for hours, as she sat by his side, that he would come back to them whole, so afraid the he would awake with brain damage that would forever change who her son was, and what he was capable of.

Justin's POV

This sure was some strange dream he was having. He couldn't seem to wake up, and yet he didn't feel like he was sleeping. All he knew was that in dreamland, things apparently happened that could never happen in real life.

He couldn't seem to remember falling asleep, but he knew he must have been out for quite a while. This same dream, or one like it, had been coming back to him all day. Each time, he would get so tired trying to think about it, that he would fall right back to sleep, but he could imagine that his biggest, brightest, sunshine smile must be plastered all over his face.

In his dreams, Brian, Mr,'I don't believe in love, I believe in fucking' Kinney, kept telling him over and over how much he loved him. He had even told him he didn't know how he could live without him, and...he could swear that he heard him crying.

It didn't make sense. Brian never cried. And should hell freeze over and he ever actually did fall in love, he certainly would never admit it. Someone might fucking believe he had a heart.

He opened his eyes, and tried to focus. Everything seemed too fuzzy, and his head hurt like nothing he had ever felt in his life. He tried to reach up to touch it, but couldn't quite make his head and his arms communicate with each other.  He tried to think back, what was the last thing he remembered? He had gone to the prom with Daphne, wishing of course that Brian had come with him instead.

He became aware of voices talking around him. His mother was there, and, holy fuck, Brian was there, too. He was talking with a third voice, one that Justin did not recognize.

"How long will it take until the medication wears off? Will you be able to tell right away if there has been any permanent damage?"  Brian surely did not sound like himself. Oh, he was just as sure of himself and no nonsense in his dealings with this person as he always was. Yet, there was something else in his voice that Justin could not identify, or ever remember hearing before. It almost sounded like he was - scared.

As he thought to himself that that couldn't be it, that Brian Kinney wasn't scared of anything, he heard Brian speak again. "Please Dr. Carter, we need to know what exactly we are dealing with here."

Dr. Carter! Where exactly were they, and why was his lover ‘s voice shaking as they talked about him as if he was not even in the room? Nothing was making any sense at all. He had to try to think. Something had obviously happened, and he had to figure out what it was.

Then he felt the doctor begin to examine his body, checking his eyes, feeling around on his head, lifting the sheets and pinching his fingers, and tickling his foot with what felt like a pencil or something before sticking the sharp end of it into the bottom of his foot, causing him to cry out.

"Do you know what year this is?"

"Where am I"

"What is your name"

"What happened to me?"

"Can you tell me who the president is?"

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

Just as Justin was about to angrily tell him where he could shove the two fingers he was holding in front of his face, he wasn't two after all, and he certain wasn't fucking mentally retarded, the metal clipboard that the doctor was writing on slipped off the bed, clattering to the floor with a deafening clank.

Startled, Justin jumped, closing his eyes tightly as an image came to his mind of a bat, coming towards his face, and he sat up with a start. He remembered Chris swinging that bat at his head, remembered Brian screaming "Nooooo" and picking up the bat to hit Chris across the knee to stop him from running away, and remembered Brian holding him and calling the ambulance, as he begged him over and over not to leave him.

What the fuck, was this another dream? No. Brian had actually fucking come to the prom. They had danced to that corny old song, kissed on the dance floor right in front of everyone, and then Brian had looked at him with love in his eyes, and said, "let's get out of here".

"Calm down Mr. Taylor, you need to relax and let me finish my examination to make sure that you don't take the chance of hurting yourself further," Dr. Carter quickly stated, as Brian came into view. Brian gently stroked the hair out of his eyes, and looking down at him with the same affection in that he was remembering, said simply, "Justin, please lay back and let the doctor do his job. I need you to be ok. Please!" He could hear the panic in Brian's voice, mixed with ...could it be love?  My God, could it be true? Could Brian really have been in his room for all this time, professing a love that Justin could only dream about in his fantasies?

As he heard his mother plead with him to listen to what the doctor was saying, it all became too much for him. He wasn't sure where his dream world ended, and reality began. He hurt in places he didn't even know could hurt. And, on top of that, he was more scared than he had ever been in his life.

Justin laid his head back on the pillow, looked up at Brian with his eyebrow raised, silently asking him just what the fuck was going on here...and once again his world went black. Justin had simply passed out.  

"Justin",  Jennifer screamed, as she stepped toward the bed, fear rippling down her spine as she watched him go limp. "What the fuck just happened?," Brian shouted, equally frightened and worried.

"No need to be alarmed" Dr. Carter assured the two. "His body just shut down to give itself the time he needs to absorb all that has happened. He is not comatose, but merely asleep. From what I could tell, from the limited neurological check I was able to perform, there is nothing to be overly concerned about.  We will continue to monitor him, checking his vital signs and neuro status quite often."

"In the meantime, I think it would be better if only one person was in here with him at a time. We don't want to overload him with too much at one time, which I think is what might have happened here. He will need time to process what has happened, and we will want to do some tests to access what damage, if any, was done to him during his attack. I will be able to tell you more once I get the results of these tests, as well as look over his chart to see what the nurses notice over the next few hours."

Daphne's POV

"Chris...why? What were you thinking? How could you hit Justin like that, and then try to just leave him for dead?"

She wasn't sure she could speak to him at all when she saw him walking down the street towards his house.  Why was he walking about a free man, when Justin, her best friend since kindergarten, was lying unconscious in a hospital bed, fighting for his life. It had been three weeks since the prom, and to find out that Chris' dad had made bail seemed so totally unfair and fucked up. She had to talk to him, ask him this question, although, if the truth be told, she really just wanted to hit him, over and over and over again until her arms gave out.

"I'm so sorry," Hobbes said, as he began to sob, "I didn't mean to hurt him this bad. I just couldn't take their taunts anymore.  They were all watching him dance with that man, and laughing...at me. My friends heard what he said that night outside the club, how he had given me that hand job, and how much I had loved it. They kept asking if I wished it was me dancing with him, if I wanted it to be me that could go home with him, and if I wanted it to be my dick he was sucking when he crawled beneath the covers that night. "

"I snapped, I had to get back at him, Daphne. He told everyone on that sidewalk what we had done. Now, every time I think back and remember how amazing it felt to have his hand on my dick, how mind blowing it was when I finally let myself cum, instead of the pleasure, all I can think of is the teasing that his stupid declaration caused. I hear it even when I am alone. I couldn't let him get away with that, and just walk away with the prize. His boyfriend is so hot! I didn't think anyone could ever be more attractive to me than Justin. But, when I saw that kiss...well...it's just not fair Daph."

Daphne's cell phone rang, and she put her finger up, letting Chris know that she needed to take this call, but that she wasn't done with him yet.

"Hello", she said briskly into the phone, irritated to be interrupted. "Daphne," Jennifer cried, her words almost unintelligible behind her tears, "Daphne, sweetheart, Justin woke up. He's out of the coma, Daphne, our Justin has come back to us."

Without waiting for the details, and especially without revealing to Chris what she had just been told, Daphne told Chris that she would have to talk to him later.  She hurriedly got into her car, and drove straight to the hospital. She had to see Justin for herself.  Only then would she believe that he was out of the coma, and even then, who knew what kind of shape he would be in.

 She knew that this didn't mean that the danger had passed, nor did it mean that the Justin she was about to walk in on was the same one she had danced with only three short weeks ago.  She would not really feel better until she had talked with him. She knew him better than anyone in this world, even his parents. She had loved him almost all of her life. And...she would know more than anyone else if Justin had really come back to them, as Jennifer said.

Brian's POV

"I was so fucking scared," Brian said, as he looked thoughtfully into the baby blue eyes that were gazing back at him.  He had been by his lover's side as much as possible throughout the day, except for when he was taken down for tests, and the nurses told him he could not go along. He had worked long and hard to get to his current position at the ad agency, and he knew that no one would question his need to take some more time off to spend with this man who had stolen his heart.

Justin had been alternating between sleep and awake for hours now, seeming to tire easily, and Brian was happy to let him rest, now that he knew that he would be ok. The doctor had come in to talk with Jennifer, and he was both amazed and grateful when she had insisted that he remain in the room, telling the doctor in no uncertain terms that he was her son's partner, and nothing should be kept from him.

Partner. That word should be sending up flares, and setting his very nerves on edge, and yet it was doing nothing of the sort. In fact, it seemed to roll off his tongue quite easily, even though it was one thing he never expected to cross his lips, without some sort of sarcastic comeback to follow.

Now, not only was he willing to admit that the thought of being Justin's partner made him happier than he could ever remember feeling, he was also downright eager to share these feelings with the blonde, as he once more opened those amazing blue eyes, to stare up at him.

"Hey, you still here? You must be exhausted. " Justin wondered if he should ask the questions that had been rolling around in  his mind. "I've been thinking about the prom, and the things you have told me since I woke up. Did you really mean all that Brian? Was I wrong about what I thought I saw in your eyes at the prom, what I still see there when you look at me?"

"I love you Justin," Brian sighed. " I never thought I would say that to a living soul, but it's there, and I can't deny it. You are all I think about, and when I'm not with you, I miss you so fucking much it hurts. "

Justin just stared at him incredulously, still not used to hearing the gush of emotions and the beautiful words that this man he loved more than life itself was sharing so openly. Not that he didn't love hearing them, he had dreamed about a moment like this from the very first day they met. He had known right from the start that he was head over heels in love with this god. He had been ever since the first time he saw him hold his son. There was no mistaking the love in his eyes that night, and the same could be said about his gaze right now.

"I want you to come home with me Justin. We belong together, and I want nothing more than to take care of you while you are getting better.  After all, if I had not come to that fucking prom, none of this would have happened.

"You can't blame yourself, Brian. You had no way of knowing what Chris would do. What you did for me is the most romantic thing I can imagine, and I am not sorry in any way that you came to that prom. But, I can't come live with you simply because you feel guilty about what happened to me. That's not what I want from you."

"Ok, I get that, but that's not the only reason I want you to come back to the loft. It's lonely there now without you Justin. I wake up without you beside me, and can't get back to sleep. Nothing feels right.  Suddenly, the little world I created in that loft is not enough for me. "

"You've shown me what life can be like, Sunshine, and I don't want to go back to the way it was. I don't think I can. I need you in my life Justin. Please come home. " Brian looked down then, rolling his lips in nervousness, as he poured his heart out to the young blonde lying in the bed.

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Jennifer's POV

Jennifer listened intently as Dr. Carter assured her that Justin was going to be fine. She had been surprised to find him in the little snack bar where she had gone to grab a quick bite to eat, and even more surprised when he motioned for her to join him.

"The swelling has gone down," he now told her, "and he is regaining control over his extremities, although one hand seems a little weaker, and we will need to keep an eye on that. Hopefully with therapy, even that will be good as knew. He is really a very lucky young man. " He stood to go, as his beeper went off in his pocket, and he rolled his eyes as if to say there was never a moments peace in the life of a doctor.

Lucky, doctor, Jennifer said to herself. You have no idea how true that is, thinking once again to how remarkable Brian had been throughout this entire ordeal, and then also to the extended family that Justin had surrounded himself with in the months since he had moved away from home.

They had even embraced her, inviting her to ‘family dinners', and welcoming her warmly when she stopped in to the diner to chat with Debbie.

She had become friends with the brash but wonderful lady, and she had to smile when she thought of how unlikely it was that she would have even given her the time of day one short year ago.

Now, though, she head learned a little something about accepting folks as they were,  loving them without judging them, and not placing her own expectations on those around her. It really had been quite a year.

She called Debbie - knowing full well that anyone who cared anywhere on Liberty Ave. would be updated on Justin's condition by the time she had walked back to his room. Discretion and confidentiality were certainly not words one thought of when Debbie Novatny came to mind, but then again, her huge heart, and the love she always showed for ‘her boys', more than made up for it. 

Jen tried once again to call Craig, but his phone went right to voice mail. She felt herself begin to get angry again. How dare he ignore her, and more to the point, how dare he ignore his responsibility to his child. Whether he wanted to acknowledge it or not, Justin was his son, and he needed him to be there. 

It was with that thought in mind that she walked in to Justin's room to hear Brian say, "Please come home."

Brian turned as he heard her enter, looking sheepishly at the floor, as he quietly said, "I'm sorry Mother Taylor, I guess I should have talked to you about that before I asked him that." He stood to leave for a while, wanting to allow her the time she deserved to be with her only son.

"Perhaps, Brian", she said, her easy smile not giving away the twist in her gut when she thought that once again, her son would not be returning home to her. "But, no one can refute that you and my son belong together. He seems so much stronger when you are in the room, and I have no doubt that he will heal much faster if he is content with you, than he would if I forced him to be somewhere that he did not really want to be. "

"And, don't leave right now, either, if you don't mind. He needs you here more than me...just take good care of him, ok? And call me with any news." With that, Jennifer walked over to kiss her son goodbye, offering a huge smile, filled with love, that made it quite obvious where he got the Sunshine smile genes from. With a flick of her hand she pushed a stray clump of hair away from his face, letting him know with her eyes that she was completely on board with him and Brian as a couple, and would support them from here out.

As she turned to leave, Justin grabbed her hand and squeezed, in an effort to let her know just how much he appreciated all she was saying, with no words exchanged at all.

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Justin's POV

Justin listened in wonder, as a tingle ran down his spine. Home, had Brian really said home? Not my loft or my home, but just home...the ‘our' implied in his words. And when had he started calling his mom "Mother Taylor", as if they were already committed, and he considered her to be his mother -in-law? And when had his mother done an about face, treating Brian as if he were already part of the family, and not even batting an eyelash when she heard the new term of endearment.

He had never been happier in his life. Brian loved him. It was true, it was real, he could feel it, he could see it. Even his mother knew it. His life had never been better, except of course for the fact that he was lying in a hospital bed, and he still found it difficult to get his right hand to do what his brain was trying to tell it to do.

Even thinking about getting bashed in the head could not dampen his mood - Brian fucking Kinney just said, "I love you." And then he had asked him to come ‘home'.

His thoughts strayed then to the place Brian was referring to. Home - the loft - the place where he had been deflowered, the place where most of his best memories happened.  Now not a temporary dwelling - not a place where he could crash - but home, Brian had said. Nothing could stop the dazzling smile from spreading across his face.

Brian looked at him, noticing the grin, and said "hey, what's got you so happy? I haven't seen you smile like that since we twirled about the dance floor not too long ago. If I didn't know better, I'd think that it was Christmas, and you had just opened Santa's best present."

"Oh, it's much better than that," Justin replied, "not even Santa could come up with a gift as special as the one I got when you told me you loved me. I daydreamed about hearing you say those words for so long, but I have to admit, that I don't think I ever really expected it to happen. Get in and out with the maximum of pleasure, and the minimum of bullshit, isn't that what you told me"

Brian looked him and rolled his eyes, his tongue pushing at his cheek in that adorable way that always meant he was just slightly uncomfortable, yet more than slightly amused. " If you weren't  stuck in that bed trying to recuperate, young man, I would have to punish you for being so naughty. It's not nice to use someone's own words against them. "

"I'm sure that you have noticed that every single one of my rules has been broken, one by one, since you sashayed that hot little ass of yours into my life. " Brian's eyes turned glassy, as he continued. "I'm only sorry that it took almost losing you to make me see, and to admit to you and the world how much you mean to me."

Brian was spared having to say any more, as the doctor walked into the room. He turned away for a second, grateful for the chance to pull himself together. No matter how his barriers had been broken down for this sexy little twat, it simply would not do for him to turn into a muncher, or worse yet, be caught crying like a brokenhearted breeder by a perfect stranger, even though the doctor was not quite that anymore.

He listened as the doctor told Justin that the last round of tests had shown that he was continuing to improve, and that if all went as he expected, he would be able to go home by the end of the week.

"Of course, you will need to come back a few times a week for therapy for your right hand. You have regained some of the strength, but there still seems to be some delay in normal function. I will have Jose from the occupation/physical therapy department stop off some time in the next day or two to work out a schedule with you. Do you have a plan for where you will be staying once you are discharged? You will need someone with you for at least the first few days to keep an eye on you, as well as to make sure you get to your appointments. We won't want you driving for the first few weeks at home."

Once again, Justin's face lit up with that now famous smile as he said, "yes, I will be going home with Brian." He dozed off then, suddenly so tired that he could not possibly keep his eyes open.

He woke two hours later, listening as he heard Brian speaking to someone else in the room. He was remembering more and more about what had happened at the prom, as well as the activities since they arrived at the hospital, and yet he was still surprised to hear Brian's voice choking with emotion as he spoke.

"I really do love him Daphne," he heard him say. "I never thought I would be able to love anyone, but now that it's there, I don't know how I survived without it. And I certainly don't know what I would have done if he didn't make it. " Brian could hardly believe that these words were flowing so freely from his mouth. Not so long ago, even a brief thought in this direction would have sent him running for his favorite companions, Jim Beam, and anyone who cared to join him in the backroom.

Justin opened his eyes. As he listened, he thought once again that he never truly believed he would hear this type of sentiment coming from the man whom he adored. Not only was Brian willing to share his feelings with Justin, but now he was talking to Daphne, allowing her inside the famous Kinney walls that he had built around his heart.

He squeezed Brian's hand to let him know he knew how hard it was for him to be so open and vulnerable. He tried to squeeze with his right hand as well, but that hand didn't seem to be responding  to his brain yet. He still couldn't quite get it to do exactly what he wanted. He hoped that the damage done when that bat connected with his head could be corrected with therapy. He couldn't imagine living without his art, which had defined him for so long.

He looked up to see his lifelong best friend standing next to his lover. She smiled at him, but he could see the concern in her eyes. "Brian, why don't you go to the loft and shower. You can get something to eat as well. I'm sure Daphne would be more than happy to sit with me while you are gone."

"That sounds like a great idea. The doctor still doesn't want you to have more than one visitor at a time anyway. He is afraid that we will overtire you. "  Justin hated this rule that the doctor had imposed, although he had to admit that when more than one person was talking to him at the same time, his head would begin to pound, and it was hard to keep his focus. Just another thing he hoped would get better as he recuperated.

"So," Daphne began, "how are you really feeling?" Justin talked to her about the headaches, about how his right hand wasn't working quite right, about Brian, and how overwhelmed he was with the unexpected affection from the man who everyone thought had no heart, and about what he remembered from the prom.

Daphne sighed, wondering if she should tell Justin about her conversation with Chris, and deciding that he had a right to know.

"I spoke to Chris today, Justin. He told my why he did what he did. He feels terrible that you were hurt so badly, and seems really sorry. " Justin looked at his friend, not quite believing his ears. Did she really expect him to just forgive and forget that easily? The answer came clearly though, in what Daphne said next.

"Even though he feels bad about what he did, I think you need to be careful. He still blames you for his friends tormenting him, and he hates Brian most of all. Not only did Brian crack that bat across his knees, assuring that his football scholarship was down the drain, but in his mind, Brian has what he wants and can't have...you."

Justin felt his heart sink. His stomach felt like he had been punched. He thought back to how deliriously happy he had been only moments before, planning a life with Brian. Daphne watched as the glow faded from her friends face. "Are you ok Justin, should I call for the nurse?"

"No," Justin quickly stopped her. "Daphne, I should never have said those things like that, telling his friends what had happened between us. It wasn't fair. But I can't take it back, and now I have to face the consequences. He attacked me Daphne. What if he goes after Brian. I can't let that happen. I love him, and he loves me, too. But he was fine before we found each other, and he'll be fine again without me. I can't let something happen to him. I just can't."

"What are you trying to say?" she exclaimed, hoping that he wasn't saying what she thought he was. Brian and Justin were more perfect for each other than any couple she had ever seen. He could not possibly be thinking of walking away from the best thing that had ever happened to him.

"I have to break up with him," Justin said. "That is the only way I know that he will be safe."

"Can you do that? Can you give up everything you have ever wanted?"

"I don't have a choice Daphne. I have to put his safety before my happiness. Brian means more to me than anything."  I don't have a choice, he thought once more to himself, as he turned his head and wept.  

________________________

Chris's POV

Chris turned up the volume on his music as high as it could go. He desperately wanted to drown out the voice inside his head. As the music blasted in his ears almost painfully, he wondered if it was possible to go crazy as a result of not being able to stop all the conflicting thoughts that kept swirling around in his brain.

‘Better keep that asshole boyfriend of yours away from me Justin,' his inner psyche said, not out loud, thank heaven, or he would be hauled in for talking to himself on top of his current problems. ‘You think I hurt you, you have no idea what I can do to him.'

No sooner was the thought complete within his mind, he began to feel the weight of the enormous guilt and shame he had been carrying around ever since the night of that miserable prom. He didn't even know why he had gone, he didn't have a date, he hadn't asked anyone. He knew that there were plenty of girls who had waited long hours into the night for the captain of the football team to choose them to invite, but he had been so preoccupied with losing his reputation among his circle of friends, as well as his jumbled mess his mind had become, that by the time he got around to making phone calls, everyone worth taking had already accepted a date from someone else.

He allowed himself to believe that his predicament was the only reason he had delayed so long. He had known for quite a while though, that Justin was coming with Daphne, and a part of him had to admit that he wanted little more than to see the devilishly good-looking young man all dressed up, and shaking that perfect body of his around on the dance floor. These thoughts were what had actually distracted him as the prom drew near.

His thoughts then wandered to that fateful day in the storage room. Shit, he didn't think his dick had ever felt anything like the sensations when Justin's hand wrapped around it, and slowly, but oh so skillfully, brought him to the most amazing orgasm of his life.

Even just thinking about it as he played with his own tool at night in his room always made him cum harder than he ever knew he could. But, he couldn't do that anymore either, because it only brought the pain of knowing that he was now a laughing stock to the entire school.  

He wondered to himself once again how he had gotten himself into this predicament. After all, Justin had not forced him to lay back and allow him to give him the best hand-job of his young life. No, he hadn't even tried to stop his blonde friend, it had simply felt too good. He had never been interested in boys before, so he wasn't sure what it meant that he couldn't get this particular fellow student out of thoughts, and oh what randy thoughts they were. Was he gay, like everyone now said? Or just so self serving that he had no moral compass at all when it came to getting off?

All he knew was that he didn't think he could go the rest of his life and never again feel the mind-blowing pleasure that Justin had given him. What if it could never be that good again with anyone else?

He blinked as he became aware of a shadow crossing his face. He opened his eyes, and was more than a little surprised to see Daphne standing over him. "Daphne, what are you doing here?,"  he asked as he scrambled to his feet.

The curly haired young woman stood to the side, holding her arms over her chest, obviously uncomfortable,  and just as obviously with something on her mind.

"Go ahead, say what you want to say. It's not like I haven't been blasted by almost every person I know already. What could you possibly say that would make me feel worse?"

"Chris, I didn't come here to berate you, or yell at you. I don't hate you. On the other hand, I do hate what you did, and even more I hate being afraid that it is not the end. Please tell me that what you did was in a moment of passion, and that you have no intention of making a bad situation even worse."

As he looked at her face, and saw how sincere she was, he was once again hit with the unfairness of it all. Justin was so lucky. He had a boyfriend that was beyond hot, a mother that adored him, and a fag hag that loved him more than Chris could ever remember being loved.

 "Don't you see, Daph," he growled, "he has everything I always wanted, and more. On the other hand, I have lost everything.  My friends avoid me, when they are not taunting me. My knee is a mess, and without my football scholarship, I can't afford to continue with my plans for college. I am probably going to jail, and even my family is not here for me. None of this would have happened if it had not been for that kid. He has ruined everything, and he doesn't care. He's too busy planning out the next ten or twenty years of his posh life, while I wonder what I am going to be doing tomorrow."

Daphne bristled in anger. "You have no idea what he has had to give up because of you Chris. You are such an asshole. While Justin is willing to sacrifice everything he has ever wanted for those he loves,  you are such a selfish prick that you only think of yourself. You know why Justin has things that you don't? It's because you are not half the man that he is, and you certainly don't deserve a man like him. "

As she stomped off, barely able to control herself from saying more, and betraying Justin's confidence, she spat out over her shoulder, "See you around Chris, I hope that you can live with what you have done."

decisions,  rejection, bewilderment, endurance...

Brian's POV

What the fuck had just happened? It seemed like his whole world had just turned upside down again, and everything was falling apart. How could things have gone so wrong in just the little bit of time that he had been away from the hospital?

When he walked in, smiling from ear to ear because of how wonderful he felt inside after he had totally opened up his heart to this man, the one who he now knew he loved with all his heart, something didn't seem quite right. Within minutes, he understood how much of an understatement that was.

Justin wouldn't look at him, and his one word answers were not anything like the deep, intimate conversation they had been having when Daphne came in. He looked at her with one eyebrow raised in question, and could hardly believe his eyes when she avoided his gaze, and stood to gather her things. She kissed Justin and told him she would see him tomorrow, side stepped past Brian so that she would not have to make any eye contact whatsoever, and simply left the room.

He knew that Daphne had always been their biggest fan, ever since the very first night. He wondered for a moment if she actually knew every single intimate detail of their most private moments, and decided that he was sure she did. After all, she never flinched at Babylon when they hurried off the dance floor to fuck or suck ...or whatever came to mind when they found their favorite spot in the backroom.

"Justin, what in the hell is going on here. Did I do something to make you angry, or to doubt my love for you? I don't understand what the hell has happened here."

The silence that followed was almost harder to take than the coldness with which he had been met as he returned to his love. "Please Justin, talk to me, tell me what has happened to make you so upset. Let me hold you and whatever it is, we'll deal with it together. Don't shut me out Justin. Please".

Justin used every ounce of his strength to hold back the tears that were threatening to undermine his resolve. If Brian saw that he was crying, he would never believe that Justin wanted him gone from his life. No, he had to be strong, and he had to be convincing, and...and it was killing him. Brian begging him was not something that he had prepared himself for. It just might be more than he could bear.

He abruptly sat himself up in his bed, took a huge breath, looked up at Brian with something new and unreadable in his eyes, and shouted at the tall handsome man to get out.

Brian plopped down on the little rolling stool that the doctor had used when he was in the room, all the wind knocked out of him. "Justin, you can't mean that," he said, heartbroken. He tried to think back to all he had said or done before he left to shower, change and grab a bite to eat. Surely there had to be something he was missing.

"I never say things I don't mean, Brian. I don't want you here. Please just get the hell out," he repeated, watching as his lovers face crumpled before him.

Brian could not believe his ears. This couldn't be happening. After years of not allowing himself to get close to anyone, to never let anyone hurt him again, why had he chosen now to open himself up, only to be rejected again? No, he couldn't let that happen. Whatever was going on, he had to make Justin know that there was no way he was going to lose what they had found. He planned on being right here for the good and the bad, whatever life brought their way. Whatever this was, he wasn't going to run away from it.

He wondered to himself how he would be feeling if the situation were reversed, and he were the one there in that bed. Not only would Justin never give up on him, but he knew himself well enough to be sure without a doubt that he would have been angry, he would have felt weak, and it would have been out of the question to let his partner see him like that, all self-control gone and his uncertainties and fears displayed for him to see. He was the master of pushing people away for their own good. He couldn't believe how much it hurt to be the one being tossed aside. How many times had he made the people he loved feel like this? Well, he wasn't going to just stand by and let it happen.

If that was the problem, he had to make Justin see that he understood, and seeing him like this did not change how he felt about him. This young man, barely out of his teens, was probably the most persistent person he had ever met, with an inner strength that no one could compete with. No, there was no chance that anyone could ever describe Justin as frail or needy, but over the last months Brian  had learned that we all need help at some time or other, and that it didn't mean that your dick had fallen off to admit it.

"Justin, I don't blame you for being angry. And if you need to lash out at me in order to release all the emotions inside you so that you can get better, than you go right ahead. It took me 29 years to find you, and now that I have, there is nothing you could ever do or say that could make me leave you behind. I love you, and you are not getting rid of me that quickly. You are stuck with me, you little twat, for better or for worse." 

His tongue snuck back into the side of his cheek, as he looked at Justin and folded his hands over his chest. He was sure that Justin would smile when he realized that he couldn't rile Brian with his current queen-out. He couldn't ignore the twinge in his gut though, when Justin stared past him, and without a word, rolled over and seemed to drift off to sleep.

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Justin's POV

Justin knew what he had to do. He loved Brian with every ounce of his being, and he couldn't imagine a life without him. Not seeing Brian every day, not getting to hold him, to kiss him, to feel his caress or hear his voice, all these things filled him with a sorrow so gut wrenchingly deep that it physically caused him pain. Still, a world where Brian did not exist at all was even worse.

He knew that Brian was not going to walk away without a fight. Brian never wanted to fall in love, but now that he had, he would not give up easily.

So, Justin decided that he had to do the acting job of his life, and convince Brain that there was no future for them. First, he would have to tell Brian that he was not coming home with him. He would go back to Debbie's. Then as soon has he could, he would move out, quit his job at the diner, and figure out here he could go to make it seem like he had dropped off the face of the earth. The further away he went, the more sure he could be that Brian was safe.   

If he didn't have a plan by the time he was well enough to leave Debbie's and live on his own, maybe he could stay with Daphne. He knew that she would cover his back, and no one would ever know he was there if they decided to keep it a secret. Daphne was the one person he knew would never betray him.

His heart lurched as he realized that in order to pull this off, betrayal was exactly what it was going to take. Hurting Brian like that would be the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. He hoped that he had the strength it would take to crush Brian's spirit in order to save his life. He would have to do something really big to get him to walk away.

As he lay there in his bed, pretending to be asleep in order to avoid any more interaction with Brian than was absolutely necessary, his mind tried to come up with a plan.

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Jennifers's POV

Something was not right. Justin was angry, Justin was easily agitated, but most of all, Justin just looked sad.  She knew the emotional roller coaster that often followed a tragic attack like Justin had endured was often unpredictable.

What she couldn't understand, however, was the empty look in his eyes now when Brian was in the room. If she didn't know better, she would swear that she was looking at someone who felt absolutely nothing for the man. She knew with all her heart that nothing could be further from the truth.

The only alternative then, was that her son was making a conscious choice to hide the love he felt, and was working hard to keep any hint of his true feelings from showing on his face.  It was almost as if he was trying to purposely push Brian away. There had been no affection, hardly any conversation even, and it wasn't making any sense. In the space of just a few days, these two men had gone from gushing with excitement over all the future held for them, to two disconnected people, one trying desperately to hold on to  whatever thread of hope he could, while the other seemed almost eager to let go.

She knew that her son loved Brian. She also knew Brian loved him. This was never more evident than during the last few days when he had stoically taken all the Justin had dished out, and none of it was pleasant.  Had anyone told her a month ago that her son would treat his lover so badly, cruelly really, and that Brian would silently accept his foul moods and poor behavior, never failing to respond with love and tenderness...well...she would have just laughed at the thought.

She thought back to their last conversation. "I am going to go back to Debbie's mom," Justin had told her firmly. His no nonsense attitude left no room to argue. She was glad to know at least that Debbie would not only keep an eye on him, but would also report back to her as often as she could.

Never before had she been at such a loss to explain her son's behavior. Nothing was as it should be, and it didn't seem like that was going to change any time soon.

She sat in the waiting area, wondering what she could do, and dejectedly decided that Justin would not tolerate her interference. She would call Debbie, and make the final plans for Justin to move back into Michael's old room. At least that would give her something to occupy her mind, and she would not feel so helpless and inadequate.

Justin would be released in the morning, and as she walked back in to the room, she heard him tell his partner "don't bother coming in tomorrow. My mom and Molly can help me get everything settled at Debbie's, and Daphne will be there. I will have everything I need." She couldn't help but catch the pain in Brian's face, as he sat silently in the chair by the window, looking out as a single tear found its way down his cheek.

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Ethan's POV

He couldn't believe his luck. Justin had actually called him. The gorgeous blonde had wanted nothing to do with him all the times he had flirted with him in the past. He had wanted to make Justin his own ever since the first time they met, and he tried his best to get into his pants every chance he got, with no encouragement whatsoever in response.

Now, out of the blue, Justin had called him and asked him to meet him the day after tomorrow. He didn't recognize the address he had given him, but Justin had been adamant that they had to meet there.

He had heard that Justin had been attacked, and remembered that his first thought when he heard that he might not make it was that he would never have the chance to he fucked by that gorgeous hunk of man. Now, he hoped that this newest development might mean that he would have that chance after all.

He picked up his violin, and played a haunting song of yearning and anticipation as he thought about all the things he was hoping to do to the young man who he had lusted over for so long, and all the things that he wanted Justin to do to him in return. If things worked out the way he hoped, it would not be long before he had Justin in his bed, and in his life. He had wished for so long for someone he could share his life with, who understood the passions that only another artist could comprehend. Someone who knew first hand how a moment of inspiration could quickly turn into hours of frenzied creativity.

Justin would be an excellent partner. They could complement each other in a way no one else could do. That old man that he was drooling over couldn't offer what he could. He didn't deserve him, either. No, Justin deserved someone who was his equal, in every aspect of his life.

As he played, he closed his eyes and conjured up a vision of Justin, naked and writhing, and he allowed his imagination to go wild. Yes, this week was definitely looking up. Friday couldn't come soon enough.

heartbreak -  betrayal - tears

Brian's POV

Sitting at his desk, making every attempt to look like he was accomplishing something, Brian stared at the picture of Justin that he kept in his top drawer, and tried to control the emotions that threatened to bring him to his knees. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, and he was a mess at work, the one place that was always his refuge. When life with the family reached crazy on the drama meter, that was the one sane place he could always count on. Until now.

Justin had come home from the hospital, or at least the place where he called home. He refused to move into the loft, insisting that he needed space and couldn't concentrate on getting better with Brian pressuring him. He wouldn't even let him accompany him as he got settled into Debbie's spare room, where he and Michael had spent so much time in their teen age years.

As for how things were going between them, well, he had never been more confused. Even when he did stop over on his lunch break, Justin was simply distant, engaging in only the most superficial conversation and almost never smiling. He criticized everything Brian did, and although Brian was used to his efforts never being good enough for those he loved, it hurt more than he wanted to admit, even to himself, to know that this was now true of the one who he had allowed into his heart.

When Justin wasn't ignoring him, or yelling at him, then he was most likely staring off into space. It was impossible for Brian to get even a few words exchanged between them. He was going crazy trying to kill him with kindness, and not lose patience with him, or just give up altogether.

Tonight, Brian would try once again. What was it about this man that made him do things he would never have done for any other person on the face of this earth? If he believed in soul mates, then Justin would be his. There was just something about him, there had been from the start. He was not really physically his ‘type', although no one could deny that his body was sex on wheels. And when he flashed that kilowatt smile that he missed so much, well his dick never failed to respond.

It was more than that, though. He was on his level in every area of their lives. No one else had ever come close to matching his sex drive, to be sure, yet always Justin did. Beyond that, their conversations challenged him, and kept him interested, always wanting more. His passion for life, his unique view of the world and everyone in it, and the enthusiasm he brought to everything he did, at least until recently, all this and more made Brian keep coming back for more, sure that he could never get enough of what Justin had to offer. He was different than any man he had encountered before, made him feel different than any man he had ever been with, and anyone who knew him at all, knew that he had encountered more than his fair share.

Brian continued to contemplate just what it was about this blue eyed dynamo that made him want to throw the rule book out. To be sure, Justin was the strongest, most determined little fucker that he had ever met, so why was he giving up so easily now? He couldn't understand it, and he hoped beyond reason that this current alternate version of Justin was temporary, and his blonde bombshell would soon return - along with his joy for life and love for fucking.

They had barely kissed since Justin was released, and even when they did, it was brief, chaste, and unfulfilling. Brian wanted him every bit as much as ever, maybe even more, but he also knew better than to push when Justin had made up his mind on something.  

He walked up to Debbie's door, and opened it quietly, wanting to catch Justin by surprise, before he could prepare a defense. That thought brought a lump to Brian's throat. How had they gotten to this place where he was he was walking on eggshells around the man that he loved and needed more than any other person or thing in his life. The loft, the designer clothes, the imported Italian countertops,  even the job he loved and built his persona around, he would give them all up in a heartbeat just to have Justin back - to have their relationship back as it was right after he came out of his coma. He was dumbfounded to realize that such a thought has actually passed through his mind, and even more stunned to have to admit that it was the absolute truth.  

He tried to push the questions out of his mind - the how, the why - the when...all the things that he wouldn't allow himself to think about, because there were no answers.

Justin looked up as the door opened, and a smile spread across his face before he caught himself and forced himself to replace the mask that he had been hiding behind since he left the hospital. Brian entered, noticing the momentary slip, and was thrilled to realize there was no one else was at home, leaving them all alone.

"Hey," Brian said, gazing into Justin's eyes, silently begging him to draw close. He wanted to hold him, to kiss him, and he suddenly decided to take a chance, and as he stepped forward with a long and determined stride, he reached Justin in two steps, gathered him quickly into his arms, and gently pressed his lips over the ones that he had been dreaming of for days.

He instantly pushed with his tongue, and without thinking, Justin responded, opening his lips to allow the brunette access. The kiss quickly deepened, with Brian wrapping his arms around Justin's shoulders and running his fingers through the hair at the back of Justin's head.

He reluctantly came up for air, so afraid that the break in contact would also break the spell, and Justin would once again retreat into his shell. Justin's eyes were glazed over with lust, however, and as Brian let his tongue run down the side of Justin's neck to capture the throbbing vein where his shoulder and his neck meet that always drove the young man crazy, he felt his lover's body quiver in his arms. He reached up and bit Justin's earlobe, following up immediately with his tongue to sooth the bite. As he kissed and sucked relentlessly, he removed Justin's shirt, while letting his mouth continue to trail down  his chest. He took one nipple into this mouth, alternately kissing, sucking, biting and licking, nearly overcome with desire.

He moved on to the other nipple, as he tried to shift his body to relieve the pressure that his cock was creating in his jeans. He reached down to palm Justin's growing hardness, moaning as he pulled down the zipper and his hand came in contact with his partner's deliciously naked cock. Oh how he had missed it.

He slipped the jeans off, letting them fall around the blonde's feet, and Justin stepped out of them as he brought his hand up behind Brian's head, drawing him closer, pressing their lips together once again, their kiss quickly becoming urgent, tongues battling for control, the fire that burned between them threatening to overpower them.

Then, as abruptly as the moment began, it was over. He felt Justin break their kiss, and back away from him, pulling his pants back on so smoothly that he could hardly believe it had happened. "Fucking hell, Justin, what the hell are you trying to do to me?

Justin turned away quickly, steeling himself to respond with all the ice and venom in his voice that he knew it would take to undo the damage that his weakness had done to his charade.

"I didn't ask you to come here. In fact, I distinctly remember telling you to stay the hell away. This doesn't change anything.  It's just like you to take advantage of the fact that I haven't had sex since before the prom. I could get off right now rubbing against a bare wall. That doesn't mean I wanted you.  Why can't you just accept that it's over and leave me the fuck alone?"

Brian gaped at him, wondering if he had finally lost his fucking mind. Justin wanted this as much as he did. He felt it, and from the tent still evident in the front of the younger man's jean, so did he.  He was trying to be patient, to give Justin all the time and space he needed, but there was only so much he could take.

His dick throbbed painfully, and he knew that once again he would have to give himself the relief that he had hoped an afternoon of making love to Justin would take care of.  This had nothing to do with being horny, although he couldn't remember a time when he wanted anyone more, and he always wanted sex, it was just a part of who he was.  

More than that though, although he never imagined he would even entertain such a thought, he just needed to touch his lover, to hold him, to smell his hair as he ran his fingers through the softness, to feel him melt into that spot where he fit so perfectly. He missed him so much, it actually hurt. Brian could feel his eyes fill, and wondered once again when he had turned into a muncher, and why he didn't care as long as he could get back what he lost. He wanted his Justin back. He needed it like he needed air.

"Justin, please, we have to work through this. I know that you have been through hell, and I wish I could make it all go away, but I can't. But, you need to talk to me, or to someone. This is killing you...it's killing us. I can't lose you. Please Justin, look at me," he pleaded as Justin started to walk away.

As Brian reached for Justin's arm, the blonde yanked himself free forcefully, almost causing the brunette to lose his balance. "You don't know anything! You think you know me, but you don't. There is no us, how many times do I need to say it. Whatever you think we had, I don't want it. Don't you see, you say you love me, and if that's true, then you will just give me what I want, and move on."

It took every ounce of control that Brian had to not grab the younger man and shake him. How much of this did he think he could take? "I'm going back to the loft, Justin. Call me if you need anything. I can't be here right now, but that doesn't mean I am giving up. If you think you can push me away, then it's you who doesn't know me very well. Once I have my sights set on what I want, and believe me Mr. Taylor, you are what I want, it would take more than you can dish out to make me change my mind. Never underestimate me, Justin, I will wait as long as you need to get back to what we had.

He turned and stomped out the door then, slamming it behind him. He took a moment on the porch to allow his breathing to return to normal. Not exactly the scenario he wanted to be left breathless from. No, this was not what he had in mind for this evening at all.

He sat in his car, trying to decide what to do next. He thought about going out to the club, and grabbing the first guy who showed even the most remote interest , letting him suck his dick and then moving on to the next, and the next, and the next, allowing whatever pleasure he might receive to distract him from this pain his heart had never thought possible. 

He couldn't remember being this sexually frustrated before. He was the stud of Liberty Ave., could have any guy he wanted begging to do whatever he asked, and he was so horny he could barely sit, his dick was so painfully hard. He willed himself to think about Debbie and the cop doing it, or the munchers in a heated frenzy, anything just so he could get his dick to soften enough to drive wherever he decided to go.  

Instead of the club, he drove to the office. He wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, he was sure. He might as well take all the excess energy his anger was creating, and put it to good use. He slammed around for a while, trying to work on some boards, with no luck.  He sat down on the couch by the window, laid his head back as he ran his fingers through his hair, and within minutes, exhaustion took over and he fell asleep.

He woke up the next morning, feeling worse than any hangover he could remember. He stumbled into the bathroom in his office, brushing his teeth and washing his face, glad that he had toiletries that he left there for those times when he had to work all night to finish a campaign.

By the time Cynthia arrived, he was awake, but one look told her that he had been there all night, and was not having a stellar morning. She knew better than to question him, but silently wondered to herself why he would have slept there when there was not a deadline due today, or even that week, for that matter.

His foul mood lasted the morning, and as a result, she left him alone all day, not approaching him at all unless he bellowed at her for something. She was relieved when 4:00 rolled around, and she saw the back of his head as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. "I'm headed for the diner. Don't call me for anything unless it is an emergency...like someone's dead or something..."

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Justin's POV

Justin frantically ran around, gathering all he would need for his plan to work. He had called the office, to see if he could get an idea of Brian's plans for the night from Cynthia, who quite accidentally let it slip that Brian was at the diner, which meant that he had at least an hour to put everything into motion. He began to make the calls he needed to make.

"Hi Mom," Justin spoke in almost a whisper, his voice sounding tired, and something else...sorrowful perhaps? "I need to go over to the loft and pick up some stuff. Can you drop me off there, and I'll call you when I'm done? Also, I need you to make a call to Brian to let him know I'll be there, but don't tell him I told you to call. Make it seem like you are just calling to check up on how I am doing, but let it slip that you know I am at the loft. "

"Justin, what's going on? Have you and Brian still not worked this all out? I don't understand, sweetheart. Please talk to me."

"Ugh," Justin hissed. "Why does everyone want me to talk? There is nothing to talk about mother. I just know what I have to do." As quickly as he could, he explained to his mother what Chris had said, his fears for Brian, and what he felt needed to be done in order to keep the man of his dreams safe from harm.

He hung up with his mom, and as he waited for her to pull up, called Ethan, asking if they could meet a little earlier than they had planned. Ethan didn't hesitate for a moment, thinking it could only be in his favor that Justin was so anxious to meet up with him that he couldn't wait until the time they had originally talked about. He told Justin that he could leave right away, and that he couldn't wait to see him.

When he arrived at the loft, he was very glad that he had a few minutes before Ethan would arrive. He had been working so hard to keep his emotions under control so that his act would be believable, that he was not at all prepared for the overwhelming reaction just being in the loft caused in his body and his brain. Tears fell freely as he looked at the bed where Brian had first made love to him, where until not too long ago he thought Brian would continue to make love to him, as they began their life together.

His head throbbed, as he looked around, every space a reminder, pictures running through his mind of fucking, and spooning, kissing, and showering, until he became dizzy from it, and had to force all such thoughts from his mind, or else lose all ability to carry out his plan, wanting nothing more than to just call Brian and beg him to rush home and hold him, and then fuck him into the mattress that took up the center of the bedroom he now found himself standing in.

He closed his eyes to shut out the unwanted images, just as the intercom buzzed, and he walked over to answer it. "Hey, what is this place?" Ethan said into the speaker?

"Come on up," Justin said curtly, "I'll be waiting." He turned around and pulled open the metal door. This is it, he thought to himself, as Ethan stepped off the elevator. He waved his arm, letting Ethan know to enter, and followed him into the loft.

"Who lives here?. " Ethan whistled. "This place is like nothing I have ever seen!". He looked around at the obviously expensive furnishings, thinking to himself that Justin must have been holding out on him. No starving artist could afford anything like this, or had friends who lived this posh lifestyle.

"That's not important," Justin stated flatly, drawing up quickly to stand in front of Ethan, before he could change his mind. He looked into Ethan's eyes, and knowing that the time had come, and that he had no choice but to follow through, for Brian, he leaned over and softly, but with absolutely no feeling, brushed his lips over the other man's, drawing a gasp from him as he did so.

"Well," the fiddler responded. "I had hoped that we would get to this when you invited me here today, but I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you are so anxious to get started. " He placed his hand at the back of Justin's neck, running his hand through the soft hair, and gazing into his eyes.

Justin back up quickly, and nearly shouted, "just get out of those clothes and fuck me," as he ripped off his own tee shirt and jeans, kicking off his shoes and walking just as swiftly over to the bed, and sat down. He knew that if he tried to allow this to take the course it naturally would if he had any attraction for this man,  that he would be found out. He could will his dick to rise to any occasion, that was just fucking. But there was no way he could fake passion, or want, or even desire. No, he had to do this fast, and could only hope that the other man liked his sex quick and hard.

He was relieved to see Ethan throwing his clothes to the floor and walking over to join him. As the curly haired man sat down, Justin nearly jumped on him, throwing him on his back, and crawling up his body. He raked at the other man's chest, kneading his ass with his other hand, in an effort to make it seem like his lust was taking over.

Ethan's eyes looked up at him, the hooded slits making it quite obvious that he actually liked it quick and rough, which to Justin was the best news he had had in a week. He continued to work the man's body roughly, grabbing the lube and a condom, which he placed over his cock, which had hardened despite himself, from nothing more than the intensity of the moment.

There would be no kissing, he had decided that long before he began. That would always belong only to Brian. He spread the lube on his fingers, and with no warning, pushed into the anxious man's hole, eliciting a groan from him that let Justin relax, knowing that the other man had no idea the turmoil that he was feeling. Ethan was buying his act completely, and loving every minute of it.

As he lined up his cock, and pressed forward to enter the tight channel, he heard the key in the door. He had been so intent on keeping his mask in place and not letting any of his real emotions show, that he had not heard the elevator hum.

As the door slid open, Justin turned his head slightly, and lunged into the man laying under him. Ethan let out a grunt, grabbing onto the sheets under him, as Brian's eyes locked onto his lover's. The immense pain that Justin saw there almost threatened to undo him, but he couldn't let it. He had to complete this, even if it killed him. He knew at that moment that he would never be able to open his heart to any other man.

"What the fuck is going on here, Justin? All this time I have been waiting , giving you all the time you needed to come back to me, and now this? Is this the real reason you pushed me away? So you could fuck the guy you really wanted? And, in our...in my bed? Fuck, Justin, why couldn't you have just told me."

"Well, if this is what you want, fine. But you'll have to find somewhere else to entertain your tricks.  Get your stuff , and get the hell out of here by the time I get back." With that, Brian backed up through the door he had just entered, slammed it shut with a loud clamor, and ran down the steps, not even able to wait for the elevator to get to his floor.

"Who the hell was that?" Ethan screamed at Justin. "Do you want to tell me what's going on here?"

With the tears finally breaking free from his overflowing eyes, Justin sat back and sadly said, ‘what's going on is that my life just walked out that door, and now nothing else really matters."

"Hey, if you want to get rid of a guy, there's got to be an easier way to do it. Were you just using me? Did you plan this whole thing so he would catch us." Ethan asked incredulously.  "Why would you do that to me. Why would you do that to him. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Ethan could not believe this was happening. He grabbed his clothes, stopping only long enough to pull his pants up and zip them.

Gathering up the rest of his stuff, he threw open the door, and turning back towards  the bed he just left, frustrated, hurt, and angry. "I'm glad to be learning all this now,  Justin, because if this is how you treat the guy you apparently are in love with, I am lucky that I am getting out now, before I really felt something for you," he roared as he stomped out.

As he heard the door close once more, Justin lost all control, sobbing as he grieved the loss of the only man he would ever love, as well as that part of himself that could hurt two people so callously, even if it was necessary. His thoughtless disclosures about Chris had gotten him into this mess, and now his cruel and heartless actions had to get him out, and he had never hated himself more.

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Jennifers' POV

What had gotten into Justin? Maybe getting head bashed had truly changed her son forever. No matter what the reason, how could he cheat on the man he loved, on the man who had given up everything he ever believed in to become the man Justin needed.

She would never have thought in a million years that the boy she knew and loved could hurt someone like she knew this was going to hurt Brian. And for what?  To keep him safe from some unknown threat? How could he even be so sure that Chris was not just spouting off, angry at what he had lost, and making idle threats to make himself feel more in control? Why couldn't he simply tell Brian what was going on? The man could most certainly take care of himself. It just didn't make any sense.

She wondered if Justin really thought that he would be able to stay away from Brian, and for how long. He was broken, he couldn't even seem to function, she could see that in just the short drive to the loft. These two boys, well men really, were like one,  and neither worked without the other.

She knew that Justin would do absolutely anything for the man he had come to love so deeply. And he really felt as if Brian was in danger. But, to cheat on him, to rip out the heart he had only recently opened up to him, well, she wasn't sure if either of them would survive it. It was just so cruel, and so unnecessary, she thought to herself.

She had tried to talk to him about it in the car, but he had just pushed her away as well. "Leave me the fuck alone mom," he had sputtered.

She knew that this was his pain speaking, yet she couldn't sit back and say nothing. "Don't you speak to me that way - I am still you mother."

"Well then, be a good mother , and let me live my life without your interference. " These were the last words Justin had said as he got out on Tremont St. and walked toward the building where she had thought he would be sharing the rest of his life with the man of his dreams.

She decided that she needed to talk to Debbie. Maybe she would know some way to get through to him, although she knew that if she couldn't get the redhead to keep it to herself, at  least for now, that she was taking the chance that her son would push her out of his life as well. He would not thank her for going behind his back, no matter what the outcome.

She was grateful that Debbie had the day off, and they would be able to talk without being overheard. She knocked on the door, and as Debbie opened it, the toll that this was all taking on her spilled out along with the tears that ran down her face.

"Hey, hey, what's got your face leaking like that?" Debbie asked her, immediately concerned.  Jennifer had become a friend, and although as time passed there had been things shared  between them that showed that the perfectly coifed lady was not the same country club snob that she had been when they first met, there was still always a modicum of etiquette that his woman expected of herself  that would not allow her to be crying opening on her front porch unless something really bad had happened.

"What happened, is someone hurt? Was there an accident. Oh my God, is Justin ok?" Debbie tried to stop all the thoughts that were spinning through her head.  "Come in and sit down. Now, tell me what happened to have you in such a state."

For the next hour, Jennifer poured her heart out to the one person she knew would understand, at least as much as she did. She flinched as Debbie responded angrily when she found out how Justin was hurting her Brian, probably even right now as they spoke.

"I don't get it," Debbie said. "Even though I could see that he had fallen head over heels in love with Justin, I always thought it would be Brian that would send your son off, hurt and crying. Not that I agree with him, but Brian never believed he deserved to be loved. On top of that, he would do whatever it took to give the people he loves what they need, even if it meant that it hurt them, and made himself look like a coldhearted asshole. "

"I would expect that from him, but Justin knows better. " Debbie continued. The blonde woman sitting in her living room shook her head in agreement. "I know, Deb, but what are we supposed to do about it? If we interfere, both boys will hate us. But, we have to do something."

They both loved Justin, and they both loved Brian, and the both knew that they belong together .  Each of these ladies had different loyalties, each had different concerns when thinking about all that had transpired, but on this one thing the ladies agreed. Neither Brian nor Justin would ever be complete again, without the other.  

"Well, let me try to talk to Brian. He and I have a special way of openly up the lines of communication that I'm not sure you would approve of. But it usually works. At least I can try to get him to open up to me and see how much he knows. I won't come right out and tell him what's going on, so Justin can't say that we broke his confidence, but I can try to plant a bug in Brian's mind, to let him know that he might not want to take all that Justin says...and does, at face value. "

"I am sure that he is hurting right now, in a way that he never has before. I don't really know what to expect from him myself. I never thought that Brian would be the one to be heartbroken, he never allowed himself to care about anyone enough to hurt over. This is going to be new territory for both of us. I'll let you know how it turns out."

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Debbie's POV

Brian opened the door, as Debbie handed over a tuna casserole, a box of tissues, and a big bag of pot. She wondered to herself how her boyfriend the cop would react if he knew that she had stoped off to see Anita before heading for the loft? She was not prepared for the red rimmed eyes that met her on the other side. Brian was crying, this was going to be harder than even she thought. Even back in the days when Brian showing up at her door meant that the beating that night had been particularly brutal, she could only remember a handful of days that the determined young man allowed his tears to show.

Few knew Brian Kinney the way she did. His father had used him as a punching bag, while his mother kept her eyes on her Bible and her bottle, not necessarily in that order, so that she could avoid seeing the pain on her sons face, hear the hurt in his voice, or feel the helplessness in his demeanor, all the while telling him she loved him, and so did her God.

So, Brian Kinney decided early on that he would never love or be loved, had no use for God whatsoever, and would never allow himself to be anything other than in complete control. That is until a certain adorable blonde came into his life, and then everything he thought he knew was out the window.

Now, she saw standing before her that same little boy, scared and alone, wondering once again why love hurt, and just what he had done to make life be so cruel.

As he stepped aside to let her in, he set the items she had passed to him on the counter in the kitchen, turned back around, and melted into her arms, sobbing. He allowed her to lead him over the couch, and as they both sank into it, he laid his head on her lap, just like he had when he was young.

Most people on Liberty Ave. thought that Debbie could never keep a secret, but she had known his for years, and never told a soul. She allowed him to become the stud of Liberty Ave., the asshole that everyone blamed everything on, and if the truth be told, she had even fallen into that trap herself a time or two, even given all she knew.

For years they had often talked well into the night, of course the pot had been added into these late night fests only after he had returned from college, but still needed her shoulder from time to time. He trusted her with his inner most feelings, things that he had never told another living soul, not even Michael, although if Michael ever found out he would be devastated. Mikey was his best friend, but his insecurities left him still acting like a 12 year old boy, not a grown man with a husband of his own.

She thought back to what Jennifer had told her, and wondered how to start. She had seen the change in Brian, his love for Justin was obvious, especially to her. She was quite sure that she knew long before he did the depth of his feelings for the younger man. He deserved to know the truth. It killed her to know that once he had placed this pain into whatever compartment it fit in inside his mind, he would accept it as just another corroboration of what he had always known, that he would never be loved after all, that he didn't deserve to be, and that his heart should be locked up, this time forever, so that no one could ever hurt him again.

She couldn't tell him though, it was not hers to tell. As much as it hurt her to see the pain written all over his face, this was Justin's decision, and she had to respect that. She didn't like it, certainly didn't agree with it, but still, they were both grown men, and she couldn't decide things like this for them. All she could do is love them both, and be there to pick up the pieces, even though she knew that for both boys, this was going to leave pieces that even a bulldozer couldn't remove.

As Brian's sobs turned to sniffles, she reached for the stash, handed it to Brian, and waited while he rolled once for each of them. She braced herself for a long night, if he was starting out with one each, rather than the one passed between them that normally occurred on evenings when she instinctively knew that he needed her.

As she ran her hand through his hair, he looked up at her, and then turned quickly way, unable to bear the compassion and love he saw there in her eyes. No, affection of any kind, even from Debbie, was the last thing he could handle right now. Debbie knew it, and taking her hand away, simply said, "so kiddo, what's the haps?"

The corner of his mouth almost turned up into a smile, which quickly disappeared, only to be replaced once again by the pain etched into his cheeks and his eyes.

"I don't know what happened, Ma," he said quietly. "I can hardly believe any of it is real. I must really have gone off the deep end this time. I could feel his love, I knew it was there, and he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I could never have imagined that, would never have allowed myself to fall under his spell had I not known it was true. "

He looked at her again, not even giving voice to the question nagging at the back of his mind, asking why she didn't seem surprised at all, didn't seem to be asking questions, but was just listening as if she already knew what he was going to say. He would save that talk for another time. Right now, he just needed to talk about his Justin, and how he was supposed to go through the rest of his life without him, now that he had allowed all his barriers to be broken away.

"You know Brian. Things aren't always what they seem. You are hurting so badly right now, that you can't see past that, and that's ok.  For now. But tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever the fuck you can think about him without feeling like a two by four hit you square across the chest,  don't let what you think you see fool you. Step back and really try to see this thing from every side, and keep your eyes and ears open. You might be surprised what you find. "

He looked at her quizzically, unable to grasp what she was trying to say. "How else can I look at it, Deb, he couldn't wait to get rid of me, he fucked some other guy, IN MY BED, for fuck sake. He couldn't even wait the few minutes while he was packing up his stuff to get his hands on him, not to mention the rest of his body, too. " A new tear trailed down his cheek, as he thought about seeing Justin hovering over - whoever the fuck he was - and wondered if this was how Justin felt every time he came home to find Brian in the loft with some trick.

The little twat had rarely complained, and certainly had not let Brian in on just how much it hurt to see the man you love giving a part of himself away to someone else. Yes, today Justin had hurt him without a care about his feelings, but he deserved that, and so much more. What goes around comes around Kinney, he said to himself. What ever made you think that life would offer you anything else?

They smoked in silence, each lighting a new one when the first had dwindled down until they couldn't even grasp it with their fingertips.

"All those nights, when I thought that I was feeling the worst pain I would ever feel, broken bones, jarring headaches, deep cuts, whatever Jack threw my way, it was nothing compared to this. I don't know if I can take this pain, Ma. Where am I supposed to go from here? How do I wake up tomorrow and just go on with my life, when I know that nothing is the same. How do I go on without him?"

Debbie glanced over at him and actually saw the mask slowly cover his face, knowing that he was struggling to rebuild the walls that he had allowed to topple over on his way to falling in love with Justin. She knew that that this conversation was over, Brian would not tolerate any attempt to continue it. She could get further with him than probably any other person on this earth, except maybe Justin...and Gus, but even she knew when to quit.

"Call me of you need anything. And I expect you at Sunday dinner. Don't give me any bullshit. We're family, and family sticks together, you hear? "

Brian didn't respond, as she stood, and silently left the loft, looking back over her shoulder at him, wanting so much to say what she knew she could not.

Brian’s POV

 Brian got home from work the next day, stripped out of his suit, hanging it carefully, and pulled on sweatpants, and nothing else. It was Saturday, but since he had been rather unproductive the day before, he had called Cynthia early and let her know that they needed to put in a couple of hours to make up for it. They ended up working the whole day.

He didn’t have the energy to go out, and besides, he didn’t want to hear what anyone else had to say, or see the pity on their faces. Fuck that!

He went over to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, and realizing quickly that if he wanted to eat tonight, he would have to call out. His fridge was as empty as the day he met…no…he wasn’t going to go there. It was too painful. Fuck, why would anyone want to open up their heart like he had…only to be left feeling… “Fuck,” he said out loud to himself. “Get a grip, Kinney, you didn’t think it would actually work, did you?”

He walked over to the phone to call for his favorite Thai meal, then quickly changed his mind and decided to order an antipasto from the deli instead. Damn, why did everything have to remind him of Justin?

As he picked up the phone to dial, he noticed all the messages on his phone, and frowned. Probably from the gang, wanting to rub it in, or cheer him up. Whatever. He wasn’t interested in either one. He hit the button, and quickly deleted the first two messages from Michael without even listening to them. He was sure that Deb had gone home and told him everything that had happened, and he did not want to hear what Mikey had to say. Two telemarketers, another one from Mikey – what the fuck did he want – and then he paused as he heard the small girlish voice on the other end. Daphne. Was Justin ok?

 “Hey Brian, just wanted to check in to make sure you are ok. I’m still head over heels for you, no matter what, you know that, right? Call me if you need to talk, ok? He may be my best friend, but you’re important to me, too, so, ummm, I’m here, ok? Bye.”

What the fuck was that all about. What could we have to talk about? Why did she care how he felt all of a sudden? She had walked away from him at the hospital, without a second glance. Had she known all along? Was that why she couldn’t look Brian in the eye as she left? And did the entire fucking city know that Brian was cheated  on and dumped…well, not dumped, he kicked Justin out, but whatever the fuck it was, did everyone need to know about it?

He played the message again, not really sure why, just that there was something strange in her voice, concern, sure, but … what was it…regret maybe. What did she have to be sorry for? Justin was a big boy, too old for his fag hag to still be taking responsibility for his actions and trying to make amends.

Even though he couldn’t get past the nagging doubt that she had known that Justin was seeing someone else, and not told him, he suddenly could think of no one he wanted to talk with more. She was the one person who knew Justin as well as him, maybe ever better. He had already made a fool of himself, revealing to her how the great Brian Kinney had fallen, hook, line, and sinker for her beautiful blonde friend.  There was no more to lose. He dialed her number, and she answered on the second ring.

“Hey pretty girl, what’s up. I got your message. “ He hoped he sounded as nonchalant as he was trying to. “Hey Bri, I’m glad you called. You, ok?”

“Sure” he said, not willing to completely  give in and let her see how miserable he was. “Hey, I just ordered a huge antipasto, and I sure as hell won’t be able to finish the whole thing. What do you say you come over and help me devour it?” He regretted the words as soon as they tumbled out of his mouth. What was he thinking? But it was too late, he couldn’t take it back without seeming like more of an ass than usual. “Sure, I’ll be over in about a half hour,” he heard her say. He hung up the phone, and wondered once again when he had lost his self control, the one thing that Brian ‘fucking’ Kinney was most known for.

Twenty minutes later, the food arrived, followed right behind it by the vivacious, curly haired vixen, who knew more about him at the moment than he was comfortable with. “Hey, hot stuff,” he said, as he leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Thanks for inviting me over,” she said, as she bounded through the door, taking a seat right away at the counter.

Brian emptied the bags without a word, and then asked, “ so, what do you want to drink?” “Water is fine.” “Good,” he smiled with his tongue in his cheek, “cause that’s really all I have, unless of course you want some Jim Beam.”

She laughed, and the sound of it seemed so out of place. He realized with a start that his home had become an empty tomb, the quiet that he had always cherished now stifling and gloomy. He never minded being alone before, had actually preferred it, once the dancing and the fucking for the night had come to an end, of course. Now, the walls felt like they were closing in, and it almost echoed when her laugh split through the air.

They ate in near silence, stopping only to make small talk here and there.  She looked up at him, and  seeing the pain she knew he didn’t let many see, she raised  one eyebrow, and held his gaze, inviting him to share what was on his mind, without actually having to say the words.

“Fuck, Daphne,” he finally admitted, although, had she not been looking at him, she might not have known he was speaking, it was so soft. “I spent years making sure that I didn’t need anyone – shutting out anyone who tried to get close. Then, I met Justin! I fought it for a while, but I soon allowed myself to admit, to me, to him, hell, to the whole fucking world – that I did need him, and that my life was nothing without him. Then, like some big cosmic joke, just as I expected, the rug has been pulled out from under me, and I don’t have any idea how to handle it. This thing has really knocked me on my ass, although if you ever tell a living soul that I just said that, I will swear that you are certifiably insane and have stopped taking your meds. “ Daphne giggled, and continued to hold his gaze, silently urging him to go on.

“Now, it’s like one of those snake in a can things. Once it has been let out, it can never be stuffed back in the container the same way again. I can’t go back to the me I was before I met him, when I didn’t let myself care and  didn’t let anyone into my heart. But I don’t know how to be anything else without him here, either. I’ve changed, but only because of him, and now I don’t know who I am anymore. “

Daphne continued to look him straight in the eye, amazed at all he was revealing to her. She could hardly believe that Brian Kinney was pouring out his heart to her, and she didn’t want to forget a thing that he said. She reached into her shoulder bag, pulling out a tissue to blot the tear that had appeared at the corner of her eye, but while in the bag, she slyly pushed the on button of the tape recorder she used to take notes in class.

She turned her attention back to the tall brunette, as she heard him say, “He was so much more than the one I fucked more than once, he was the one I could never quite let go, never wanted to let go. I tried to push him away, tried not to let him make me need him. Fuck Daphne, this is why I never wanted to fall in love! It hurts so bad, I can hardly stand it. Why didn’t he just leave me alone? Please, can you tell me why Justin couldn’t just leave me alone”

“Is that really true, Brian? Do you wish you had never learned to feel what he opened up for you.”

“I don’t know Daphne, I never thought I would feel the things he makes me feel. How can you miss what you never imagined existed. Now that I have had a taste of it, though, I can’t imagine life without it. I can’t think, I can’t work, nothing is right, because he is not here to share it with me. I can’t even face my friends. I am Brian ‘fucking’ Kinney, not some sniveling weakling. What would they think if they saw me right now?“

“First,” Daphne started cautiously, your true friends would never ask you to be something you are not. If you think they would, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your circle of friends. The people who really matter are the ones who love you no matter what.”

Brian almost smiled, “No wonder you two get along so well, you almost sound like him. Thanks for coming over tonight, Daphne, I don’t know how I could ever get through this without you. You are quite a special young lady.”

Daphne smiled uneasily, as she was having a hard time accepting his compliments. If he only knew the truth, that right now she was not being the great friend to him that he thought she was.

“I don’t know how much you know Daphne, and I am fully aware that you were his friend long before you knew I existed. I know that if you had to choose, he would win, and I would never ask you to betray his confidence. Knowing how much you love him just makes me appreciate your support even more.”

“You’re welcome,  Brian.” Daphne said with relief. “ Don’t forget, your my friend too now. I will never betray his secrets, that’s not how I roll, but that doesn’t mean you are less important to me. I love you, you old dork. “

‘Hey, watch it with the old jokes, young lady, or I will have to spank you. “ “In your dreams, Kinney.” The friendly banter almost made him forget, at least for a little while. He was so glad he had called her. 

Long after Daphne had gone home, as he lay in his bed, unable to sleep or get his thoughts to stop spinning around in his head, he tried to put a finger on the nagging feeling inside him that he could not explain. What was it that Debbie had said…’things are not always what they seem’. Then tonight Daphne had said, ‘I will never betray his secrets.” He tried to contemplate what it could all mean, and then decided that knowing would not lessen his pain, so he put these thoughts aside, along with missing Justin and wishing he were here, and closed his eyes, wishing sleep to come.

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Justin’s POV

Justin woke up on Daphne’s couch in a cold sweat, aware that he had had another nightmare. This was the third night since he had left Debbie’s, not wanting to take a chance on running into Brian, or to wait until they all heard what he had done and kicked him to the curb.

Daphne had been locked in her room for hours. He couldn’t blame her if she was avoiding him. He didn’t like himself very much either. It was strange, however, that he kept thinking he heard a voice other than hers coming from the other side of her door, a man’s voice to be exact. And it sounded so much like Brian that it brought a fresh tear to his eye.

God, he thought to himself, now I am even imagining that I hear his voice. I really am fucked. He closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to overcome him once again, but it was almost two hours later before he actually slipped into restless unconsciousness. 

Only a half hour later, Daphne heard him begin to moan and thrash in his sleep once again. ‘No, Brian, watch out. He’s got a bat. ‘ Daphne ran over to him, and saw him grimace as he imagined the bat hitting Brian’s head in his dream. This was the same dream that he had been having since he arrived.

She pushed the play button on her tape recorder, Brian’s voice immediately filling the room. She had spent hours in her room, splicing together what she hoped would calm Justin in his sleep, knowing full well that the only thing that could keep the nightmares from coming back was his lover’s voice.  

“I am right here. I know what you need. I will never let you go. You are not alone. I love you, Justin.” She could actually see her friend settle, never waking, with peace coming over his features as Brian’s voice spoke soothingly to him in his sleep.

He slept the rest of the night without incident. As Daphne worked about in the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee for each of them, Justin told her, “I had the most wonderful dream last night. Brian was whispering in my ear, telling how much he loved me, that he would never leave me alone. It was almost like he was right next to me, speaking into my ear like he did when we were lying in bed at night. I slept soundly for this first time since he stormed out of the loft, and out of my life.”

She smiled to herself, grateful that her trick had worked, and that her friend was none the wiser.  “So, what are you going to do today?” she asked.  “I don’t know,”  he responded. “ “Why don’t you paint something? I brought your supplies over that you had at your mom’s like you asked me to.”

“I haven’t been able to paint anything, “ he admitted, then added, “it’s not from the pain in my hand, though,” as he saw the look of concern pass over her face.

“What is it then? “ Justin always used his art when he was having a hard time. He used it when his dad kicked him out, and when his parents got divorced, and when the kids at school used to taunt and tease him – it always worked.

“My muse is gone. “ he said sadly, “I have no inspiration. Brian took my light away when he walked out that door.”

“Well, don’t forget he had more than a little push, mister. He didn’t want to leave. And I happen to know that he still loves you, and is struggling, too, maybe even more than you. All it would take is just one phone call.” She stopped herself from saying any more, afraid she would give away all that Brian had been sharing with her. She wouldn’t do that, even though she wished she could.

“He would never forgive me now, not after what I’ve done, “ Justin sighed. “Besides, nothing has changed. Chris is still at large, and I would not be surprised if he got nothing more than a slap on the wrist. You know how homophobic our police force is. I’m sure the judicial system would love to turn the other cheek as well. I know that Brian never wanted to fall in love, never wanted a relationship of any kind. I’m the one who wouldn’t give up until he loved me like I love him. I can’t let my perseverance be the thing that brings him harm. I could never live with myself if he got hurt because of me. I love him much too much for that!“

“Ok,” she said, as she left for school . She came home nearly six hours later to find him sitting in almost the same position on the couch as when she left.

Daphne shook her head and sighed. What would it take to make him see what he was doing, she wondered. She decided that she would go over to his mom’s house the next day. There had to be something  they could do. She just couldn’t watch these two men whom she loved, both so miserable, both wanting the same thing, yet both unable to find their way back to what they had before.

She made supper, glad that she had gotten him to take a few bites, and then settled in to do her homework. Not long after, she heard the now familiar sound of Justin stirring in his sleep. She reached over and pushed the button on her tape player.

“I am right here. I know what you need. I will never let you go. You are not alone. I love you, Justin” The blonde smiled and calmed in his sleep, even as a tear slid down his face that he was not aware he had shed.

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Jennifers’ POV

Jennifer opened the door, the incessant doorbell jangling her nerves. She had been up much of the night, trying in vain to think of what she could do to change the course of events in her son’s life.

“Daphne,” she exclaimed, as she saw the young woman on her doorstep. “How nice to see you dear, what brings you by?”  “Can I come in Mrs. Taylor,” she replied, looking as though she may burst into tears at any moment.

“Certainly sweetie,” Jen waved her hand to indicate that Daphne should come in, and offering her a seat and a drink, sat down on the chair opposite the one that the girl had chosen.

“You seem really distraught. I take it you have talked to Justin.” She might as well get right to the point, before the tears the young woman was trying to squelch ran over, making it impossible to understand what she had come to say.

“How much do you know?” Daphne asked, still not willing to tell tales out of school, so to speak. She wanted nothing more than to fix this for her friends, for them to stop being tormented being apart, but she would not do anything to lose the trust that both men had placed in her either.

“More than I wish I did,” her friend’s mother responded. She went on to give a brief overview of what Justin had told her, sure that if he had taken her into his confidence, then he had done the same with his best friend. She knew that there were things they had told each other through the years that probably none of their parents had ever been privy to. She also knew that there was most likely nothing that he kept from this precious young lady, who had been his friend through thick and thin as long as Jen could remember.

“What are we going to do? I spoke with Brian, and I can’t say much, except to tell you that he is as miserable as Justin. These two are like two halves of a whole, and nothing will be right in either of their worlds until they are reunited.” Jen laughed as the girls eyes lit up with the passion she felt for the challenge before them, knowing the end result would be worth whatever it took to make it come to pass.

“Justin is certainly the luckiest man on earth. To be loved so deeply by Brian and by you, well, he has truly been blessed. “ Daphne flinched as she heard the same words she had heard from Chris, knowing that was what had started this whole mess.

“I almost wish I had never told Justin what Chris had said. Then he would be with Brian right now, and they would be happy. “ Her eyes filled with tears, as she blamed herself for the situation that her friends were in.

“You could never have known that Justin would react this way, dear. Besides, if something had happened to Brian, and Justin found out you had known he was in danger but didn’t say anything, he might never have forgiven you.”

“Yeah, you’re right, but it doesn’t make it any easier to know that what I told Justin started this. Now we just have to figure out how to end it. “

“Well, if Brian being in danger is where this began, then doesn’t it make sense that what we have to do is show Justin that his partner is safe, and then things can return to normal. Well…as normal as things get for Justin and Brian. They really are quite a pair, aren’t they?”

“That’s for sure, so where do we start? “ Both woman thought for a moment, and then suddenly, “Chris!”, both women shouted at the same time. “Yes,”, Jen repeated, “we have to talk to Chris.”

“And then we’ll need the gangs help to bring our boys back together.” Daphne excitedly added. “it will have to be at Babylon,  and I know just who to talk to to get the job done. Michael will get Brian there, and Emmett is the only one who will be able to get Justin up off that couch, and out shaking his bootie.” “ Oh, sorry Mrs. Taylor, I guess that’s a bit much for you to think about, huh?”

“Well, it does leave a mental image that I would rather not have, but if that’s what it takes to get my son’s happiness back, I’ll just have to deal with it.”

Both women smiled, excited that they finally had a plan, and hoped that everything would go smoothly.

“It would probably be better if you talked to Chris yourself, Daphne. Having his victim’s mother show up might be a little intimidating. I want you to take a note along from me, however, to give to Chris,  assuring him that if he agrees to help us, I will be there to speak on his behalf before the judge. Maybe that will make him a little more inclined to convince Justin that he has no intention of harming anyone else.”

“Ok, I’ll go talk to him, and then I’ll speak to Emmett as well. I hope it won’t be too hard to convince him to get Justin to Babylon without being able to tell him all the details. It won’t be an easy task for him.”

“Well, I think I will have my work cut out for me, too. I need to talk to Michael to have him get Brian there, and…well…we all know how Michael can be. Luckily, I will be able to have Debbie intervene, if he gets to be too out of hand.”

“Ok, let’s meet up on Thursday to work out the plans, and let each other know what progress we have made. “  

Daphne called Chris to see if they could meet for lunch the following day at the hoagie shop down the street from his house. She wanted to be sure no one they knew would interrupt them, or be able to hear what they were saying. She then called Emmett to see if he could meet her at his Catering Shop, telling him only that she had something important that she needed to ask him.”

“Sure baby, is everything ok?” It seemed odd to the flamboyant young man to hear from Justin’s fag hag. While he and Justin had struck up quite a friendship over the last few months, the blonde’s time with him and his time with Daphne rarely crossed, so he really hadn’t had the chance to get to know the lovely young women very well.

“I’ll tell you more when I see you. I’ll be there in half an hour.” Emmett assured her that he would be there to meet her, and before he hung up, said, “Honey, I don’t know what’s going on, and that’s ok. I’m pretty sure that if you are calling me, there is something Justin needs, and whatever it is, I’m your man. You know that I would do anything for him, don’t you baby?”

“Yeah, Em,” she said, “I do know that. That’s why I called you. I’ll see you soon.”

---------------------------------------------------

Michael’s POV

Michael hung up the phone, shaking his head in confusion. “Who was that?” his partner Ben asked. “It was Justin’s mother,” he replied, running his hand through his hair, and shaking his head once again.

“Are you ok? What did she want?” Ben became alarmed seeing the confused look on his lovers’ face. “Is Justin ok?”.

“Believe it or not, she wanted to talk about Brian. I haven’t seen him since the night of the bashing. He called me the night that Justin awoke from his coma, but we didn’t have a chance to get together. And he’s been avoiding me since Justin was released, not returning any of my phone calls. I thought it was odd, but then this is Brian we’re talking about. I figured he just needed time with Justin, and when he was ready, he show up at Woody’s or Babylon.”

“Now, I don’t know what to think. She sounded worried,  like something was wrong. And, come to think of it, it does seem odd that the little twink moved back into my old room, rather than stay with Brian or his mom. If something had happened, he would have told me, right? I mean, I’m his best friend. And, if there was something on her mind, why wouldn’t she talk to Justin about it? I just don’t understand, why she called me. And the last thing she said to me is the weirdest. She asked me to make sure that Brian goes to Babylon on Friday night, but not to mention to either Brian or Justin that she had called.”

“That is rather odd,” Ben said, “why would she call you to get Brian to the club instead of Justin? I know you never thought you would hear me say this, but perhaps it’s time you used your key, and went to check up on your friend Brian. It seems like you’ve been out of the loop a little too long.”

Michael kissed his partner affectionately. “Do you know how much I love you?” “No, I don’t think I do,” Ben smiled up at him, “I think you better show me when you get home tonight.” Michael blushed as he grabbed his car keys, and the ring where he kept the key to the loft. “Oh, I’ll do that – you’d better be ready.” Michael teased, walking towards the door, and blowing another kiss to his lover. “I’m always ready,”  Ben replied. He smiled to himself as he set to finish the project he was working on. He definitely wanted to be finished when Michael returned home tonight, so there was nothing to step in their way.

While Ben was thinking about all the things he was going to do to his husband later tonight, Michael was driving towards the loft, wondering what he was going to find there.

Brian had not been to Babylon in over a month. Michael didn’t think anything of it, he really didn’t go out much himself these days. His nights were mostly spent at home, he had never been happier.

He opened the door at Brian’s, and made his way up the steps, not wanting to give Brian to prepare for his arrival. He wanted to see what was going on, and he had no doubt that Brian would do his very best to shield him from it.

Nothing could have prepared Michael, however, for what he found when he opened the loft door. Brian was sitting completely in the dark. When Michael switched on the light, he barely moved. He had on only sweatpants, although the weather had been in the 80’s for days.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Trouble in paradise on your end of the road, too?” Brian didn’t even look up at him. “Or, did you come to see what the great Brian Kinney looks like when he falls, huh Mikey?” 

Michael walked towards him, then changed his mind and stopped by the bar set-up, and grabbed himself a drink. He had a feeling he was going to need it.

“What are you talking about, Brian? I seem to have missed something important here. I feel like the kid who got left behind, because no one told him when they were leaving for vacation. “ It came out in the whining, poor me voice that Michael often resorted to when he thought life was being unfair to him. “I’m your best friend for fuck sake, why didn’t you call me, and why haven’t you returned any of my phone calls?”

“Shut the fuck up Michael.” That made Mikey stand up and pay attention. Brian never used his full name, unless the shit was about to hit the fan. “Ben is your best friend, not me. If he isn’t, then you have your own problems at home, and shouldn’t be here sticking your nose in mine. If you don’t like it, then you just have to fucking deal with it. Justin should be my best friend, but he’s not here, is he?”

“What the hell, Bri, why are you so pissed at me?”, Mikey whined again. “Let’s just go out like we always did, that always improved your mood.”

“I have no interest in going out Mikey, can’t you see that? I had everything I never knew I wanted with Justin, and now it’s gone. He doesn’t want me anymore.  I found them fucking in my bed, for fuck sake. I fucking love him more than I thought I could ever love anyone. The only way I can be happy now is with him, but he’s moved on.

“What kind of shit did you take, Brian? You don’t do love. And who the hell does that twink think he is to try something like that, anyway? You’ll come to your senses as soon as that stuff wear off, and realize you are better off rid of him. You are the stud of Liberty Ave. You don’t need anyone.”

“Do you really see me at all, or are you still hung up on what you want me to be? It’s time we grow up, Mikey.  We are not teenagers anymore, nameless tricks can’t give me what I need anymore, I’m tired of being alone, and you and I are never going to grow old together with matching rocking chairs on the porch. “

“I am in love with Justin. Hell, I think I’ve loved him from the moment I saw him under that lamppost. I have to get him back, Mikey, and if you love me…I mean really love me, then you’ll help me find a way to get back what I’ve lost.

“But, he cheated on you. Why would you even want him back?”. If Michael didn’t stop whining, Brian was going to lose his cool altogether.

“Don’t you see, Michael, I hurt him, he hurt me, none of it matters.  It was all just fucking. But we love each other, I could feel it in his kiss, could see it in his eyes. I don’t know why he did what he did, but I am damn well going to find out.  So, are you going to help me, or not?

Brian's POV

By Tuesday night, Brian had only just begun to put together the few pieces of the puzzle that he had managed to collect. Debbie's strange comment provided the first clue. Debbie was not much of a deep philosophical thinker, that's for sure. She was more of a shoot from the hip kind of gal, with little filter to keep her from acting before she thought things through. So, her comment about things ‘not always being what they seem' kept coming back to haunt him.

His first thought was that his Sunshine was making an attempt to play him at his own game, and for some reason was throwing him off a cliff, but for what? No, it couldn't be that, it just didn't make any sense. He had told Justin how much he loved him, and he had meant every word. Justin had to be able to see that he had never been happier or more at peace in his entire life. So...he couldn't be trying to save him from himself...he had a posh job , a home most good queer boys would do almost anything for, and a bank account  that afforded him all that he could want. On top of that, for the first time in his life, he knew what it felt like to let himself be loved.

So, if Justin wasn't trying to push him away to free him from whatever he thought was holding him back from growing up, there was only one other reason to shove him off ‘Kinney Peak' - so named because Brian was the expert on this mountain made up of  ‘I don't deserve to be loved' heartbreak, and "my only worth is in what I do for those I love'  sacrifice. That would be to save him from someone or something else, and as far as he knew, there wasn't a thing threatening his life or his lifestyle at the moment.

So, by process of elimination, since it wasn't a cliff toss, it had to be something else. But what? Brian still had no idea, and he was determined to find out.

He walked towards Babylon, and stopped abruptly as he spotted the lamppost where he first laid eyes on the blonde beauty with the alabaster skin and striking blue eyes. Tears sprang to his eyes as his gut  wrenched in pain. How had he not realized that he loved him right from the start? Would things have turned out differently if he had not fought so hard to keep those walls around his heart protected and impenetrable? "Justin," he sighed, not even realizing that he had spoken the name out loud.  A single tear rolled down his cheek and came to rest on his lip, and as he brushed it away with the back of his hand, he ached for it to be Justin's lips instead pressed roughly against his mouth.

He walked past the bouncers at the front door, who stepped aside to let him enter, as heads turned and hunger and yearning blossomed on faces all across the room. He realized that for the first time in his life he had absolutely no interest in either the hunt or the backroom. He simply wanted answers, and he wanted Justin back at his side, where he belonged.

"Hey, Mikey, where's the professor? Won't he be lonely without the little woman to snuggle up to?" Brian smirked, and raised one eyebrow with the silent question they both understood - ‘have you found anything yet'- observed only by his oldest friend.

"Yeah, I guess I'd better be getting home. Ben will be waiting, and I don't want to disappoint him. Besides, Justin is coming over to the comic store early tomorrow morning to help me with my inventory, so I need to get some rest...that is if my husband doesn't keep me up all night." Michael winked surreptitiously, answering Brian's unspoken query without a word being spoken. Michael would be speaking to Justin in the morning to try to find out just what the fuck was going on in the younger man's head.  

As his friend left the dance floor, Brian approached the bar, where the astute bartender set up shots - 4 of them - all in a row. The handsome brunette downed them all one by one, and motioned to the man to set the up again.

He thought back to his conversation with Daphne, and his second clue. What was it she had said to him..."I will never betray his secret." What the hell did that mean? What secret could Daphne be keeping, and more importantly, why was she keeping it? One thing for sure, she knew something! He had known it in the way she ran out of the room at the hospital, and this little slip of the tongue confirmed it.  What could they be hiding? He was determined to find out.

Out of the corner of his eye, Brian noticed a pink boa, resting on the shoulders of a very enthusiastic young man in tight silver pants, a pepto bismol pink sleeveless shirt, and rhinestone studded pointy shoes.

"Well Honeycutt, as I live and breathe. Let's dance!"

Emmett knew right off that Brian was well on his way to drunken oblivion. Brian almost never danced just with Emmett, and he absolutely never initiated it. No, this man before him was most certainly not acting like himself, and Em couldn't help but wonder how much of it had to do with a certain blonde. Daphne had told him some of what had happened after Justin came out of his coma, but her loyalty to her friend kept her from filling in too many of the details. She had told him only what he needed to know in order to get him to agree to help with the reunion she and Jennifer had planned for Friday night." Sure Brian, but don't call me Honeycutt!"

After a few dances, during which he seemed sad, and more than a little distracted, Brian heads back over to the bar, with Em close behind him. He had seen the brunette stumble already, and now he was on his way to throw back some more.

"Come on Brian, how ‘bout you let me take you home, huh? You are in no condition to drive, and I'm sure you don't want anyone to see you falling over drunk in the middle of the dance floor, right?" Emmett advised.

As they drove along in Emmett's car, Emmett was glad for the silence, as Brian slipped into a restless sleep with his head resting on the window, and his mouth hanging open slightly in the most adorable way. He was also extremely pleased to have run into Brian, even if it was a total coincidence. Somehow, within the next few days, he and Mikey would need to find a way to have these two thick-headed fags rendezvous at Babylon, without either of them getting wind of the fact that it had all been set up. He tried to think of which man would be angrier if they found out.

They got to the building, and Emmett half carried his friend into the building, into the elevator, and then into the loft. He knew that once Brian got to the bed, he would fall into a deep sleep, and all chance of getting anything out of him would be lost. So, he directed him to the sofa, and against his better judgment, gave him the one thing guaranteed to get Brian talking again...another shot of Jim Beam.

Brian opened his eyes, and took the drink from Em's hand, although his hands were shaking so badly by this point that it was amazing any of the liquid made it to his mouth.

"Thanks, Emmy-Lou." Brian slurred the words, while trying to look up at him. Truth be told, he genuinely liked the flamboyant, generally over the top but always there in a pinch young man, although he would never, ever tell him that! Even in his current state, he knew he could count on Emmett to listen without judging him, which was exactly what he needed right now, short of a certain blonde in his bed with his ass in the air ready for him to fuck him into the mattress.

"Tell me Auntie Em, tell me what happened to us? Was I never enough for him? Or maybe it was the hunt and not the prize that had him from the start. What the fuck made him push me away like last year's Prada collection, as if he never meant any of what he said to me?"

"Baby, you know that Justin wears his heart right out there on his sleeve. There is no way he was faking any of that all this time."

"I never thought I could love anyone. Hell, I never wanted to love anyone. If I have learned anything in this life that I've been given, it's that love always hurts. Why would anyone want that? This really sucks, you know? Maybe it was only a fun game for him, and the pleasure was gone once the conquest was made. Did he feel trapped once I told him how much I loved him...how much I needed him? Was it too much for him to take? "

Emmett was shocked at the words tumbling from the mouth of his friend. He supposed that it was the booze that had Brian revealing so much, things that he normally would not have told a living soul. He decided to just listen quietly, waiting for anything that would give a hint of how to get the two star crossed lovers together on Friday night.

As Brian continued to babble, it seemed he had almost forgotten that anyone else was there, except maybe the object of his heart's desire.  "You are the only place I feel safe, Justin.  It is worth loving you just to feel  that. But now I can't figure out how to live without it, without you. I need you"

Emmett stroked his hair as he lay with his head in his lap. Thinking Brian is asleep, he says "if you only knew - he can't live without you either - that tape Daphne made of your voice is the only thing that gets him through the nights - and whatever he is protecting you from gets him through the days. "

"What? What did you say?" Brian asks, startled, wondering if he actually heard what he thought he heard. "Oh, nothing baby, I didn't say a word. I have to run. Let's get you into bed so you can sleep this off - you'll feel right as rain in the morning."  Emmett quickly maneuvered his friend up the stairs, out of his clothes (oh, if only he could know what it could feel like to have Brian ram that delicious cock into him just one time) and under the covers. As he left, he said a silent prayer that Brian would not remember what he had said in the morning, he knew he was not supposed to mention any of that.

Wednesday morning

Brian was late getting into work. He woke up feeling like he had been hit by a train. He tried to put together the thoughts that were running rampant through his head. What was it that Emmett had said to him? He couldn't put a finger on what was real, and what was just an illusion caused by the great magician, Jim Beam.  He would have to think about all that later. Right now, he decided to step out for lunch, and then really put his nose to the grindstone when he got back. If he didn't get some work done, he wouldn't have a job either, and then he would have lost everything in his world that was ever important to him.

He walked down the street, and was both shocked and dismayed to see a curly headed man walking towards him, head down, his attention riveted on the arts newspaper he was reading.

As the distance closed between them, Ethan looked up, and Brian caught the look that passed over his face before he could check himself and force his features to smooth over. Was that pity he saw? What the fuck was that. You sleep with my partner, the man that I love more than anything, and you pity me? I don't think so.

As Brian tried to avoid him, though, Ethan spoke up, and what he said was startling. "Hey man, I can't believe he did that to you. I'm glad I got out though. I thought when he called me we had something going, but I left right after you ran out. If that's how he shows his love, we're both better off getting out when we did, right?"

"Love," Brian asked incredulously. "Yeah," Ethan shot back. ‘He broke down in tears as soon as you stepped out the door. All he could say was  - ‘my life just walked out that door, and now nothing else really matters'."

"What the fuck, Justin? So, you really did throw me off my own cliff, but why? What's going on in that head of yours?"

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Justins POV

Justin wonders to himself if Michael asked for his help just so he could pump him for information. If he mentions that name just one more time, the blonde thinks that he may just explode. It is taking every ounce of his strength to just get through the days without the man he thought he would be spending the rest of his life with. It is killing him to hear the name over and over - and he stops and turns toward Mikey. "Did you call me over to get this job done, or to drive me crazy talking about Brian all morning?"

"Well, excuse me,  " Michael whined, "I didn't know it bothered you. Didn't you tell me you two were through?"

Justin just rolled his eyes and opened the next box of comic books. There was no way to respond to that without giving himself away.

The two men finish the job in silence, and Justin left without knowing how frustrated Michael was not having gotten even a hint from Justin about what is going on between him and Brian.  

As Justin huffs down the street trying to regain control of his emotions, his cell phone rings, and he is both thrilled and relived to see that it is Emmett on the other end. Besides Daphne, Emmett is the only other person he knows he can trust. Most folks joke about the loose lipped queen, but truth be told, he knew that Em wouldn't betray a confidence for anything, when he had been asked not to. Their friendship had grown over the last few months, and while it was a fact that few loved a gossip fest more than Em, it was also true that he was loyal and protective of those he loved. Justin knew he could always count on his friend.

"Hey baby," Emmett squealed as Justin picked up. "I have missed getting together with you. I'm booked right through over the next few days, but maybe we can get together at Babylon on Friday night."

"I can't go to Babylon, for so many reasons, Em. I kind of have a problem in big crowds since my bashing, and the possibility of running into the gang just makes a panic attack even more likely. Besides, I...uh...what if Brian happens to be there?"

"Well, sweetie, I'll be right there with you, so you don't have to worry about it. I won't miss a beat, and if it looks like you need a break, we'll just take a little walk outside to get your bearings back. And, as far as the high and mighty Mr. Kinney, why I don ‘t think anyone has seen him doing his usual thing at the clubs in quite a while."

Emmett winced as he said these last words, knowing that it was not a lie, but also that not mentioning that he knew Brian would be there was deceitful and devious, and hoped his friend would forgive him when it was all over. That is, if everything ended the way they all hoped. "You know you can talk to me, right? Anything you tell me will never leave my lips."

"I trust you Em," Justin replied, surprised to hear that Brian had not been tricking since they broke up. "It's just that I miss him so much, but you can't ever tell him I told you that. I haven't been sleeping, Daphne even has to play a tape to calm me down at night so I can rest at all. Only hearing his voice can help me. I don't know how I'll live the rest of my life loving Brian and never being able to be with him?"

 Emmett could hear that Justin had begun to cry as he poured his heart out, and he hoped once again that their plan was going to work. These two needed to find their way back to each other. Neither one could function without the other, like two parts of a cog and wheel, neither could make the thing turn without the other fit snugly in place within it.

"I know just what you need, " said his nellie bottom  friend.  "It won't change anything, but the thumpa thumpa at Babylon will at least keep you distracted for a little while. Nothing makes the world go away like going wild on the dance floor! Say you'll come, please, for me?"

Justin tried to smile, but couldn't quite get his face to join the effort. "Ok, for you. But just for a little bit. I'll meet you there on Friday night." Emmett smiles as he hung up the phone. One hurdle crossed, he said to himself. Now for Mikey to get his assignment to be there as well.  

As Justin turned to walk into Daphne's apartment, he was shaken to see Chris sitting on the steps outside.  He stopped abruptly, not knowing whether to punch the daylights out of him, or turn on a dime and get as far away from him as possible. He could feel his breath quicken, and not from anything that made that feeling worthwhile.

"What the fuck are you doing here. Did you come to finish what you started? I won't be such an easy target this time, Chris."

"Just please listen to me, Justin. I don't blame you if you want to kill me. I had no right to do what I did to you. Sure I was sore when you outed me to my friends, but I guess I kind of deserved it. I went  along with all the homophobic trash they were spouting, just to keep my own secret. "

"Then seeing you at the prom, well it was more than I could handle, their taunts and you looking...so amazing...with that guy staring into your eyes with such love. I know it's no excuse, but I hated you both at that moment. "

"Yeah, well," Justin replied. "I have heard all this from Daphne. You have no idea what you have done. The bat was bad enough, but I'll get full use of my hand back, and it will be like nothing ever happened. The real damage is inside, where no one can see, and no therapy in the world can reach."

"I know, Daphne told me that you were willing to give Brian up to keep him safe...from me. And, I have to admit that when she first told me, I was glad. I didn't really care about how much you hurt, or what he lost, because no one has ever loved me like that, and I don't think anyone ever will. That kind of thing only happens once in a great while, and not to guys like me. "

"So," Justin sighed, unable to keep his emotions from showing through his exhaustion, "why are you here? If you still want to hurt us, then go ahead and give it your best shot. I have nothing more to lose. Just, do whatever you want to me, but leave Brian alone. Please, don't do anything to hurt him any more than I already have."  Tears ran down Justin's face at just the thought of his lover being harmed.  

"Perhaps yesterday I still would have taken you up on that offer," Chris lamented, "and all I can say it I'm sorry. I know that will never be enough. But, up until my visit from Ethan yesterday morning, all I could think about was getting back at you, at him, at anyone but me. I put myself in this position. I didn't do anything to stop you when you were making me feel all those things, and you didn't know or care that I was even at the prom. None of this is your fault"

"When Ethan came to talk to me, trying to talk me into some lame plan of his, I could see how ridiculous I was being. He looked so pathetic, so immature, with his I'm gonna' get him for what he did to me nonsense, and it hit me like a ton of bricks - that's what I look like, too. "

"It sure made me stand up and pay attention, and as soon as I pointed it out to him, we both were able to see how stupid we were being, and stand back and laugh at ourselves. "

"Of course, I wasn't amused very long, because I saw my part in all you have lost, and I don't know how I will ever be able to make it up to you. I got the news this morning that my hearing will be early next week. My lawyer has advised me to plead guilty and throw myself on the mercy of the court, and I have decided to do that. I deserve whatever they give me. And, please thank your mom for the letter she wrote and gave to Daphne. When she read it to my lawyer, he said that it might really help. I can't believe anyone in your family would help me after all I've done. "

Justin sunk down to the pavement below him, his legs no longer able to support his weight. So many things were going through his mind all at the same time. Chris was sorry, his mom was helping him, he was asking for forgiveness. But most important of all...it was over, Brian was safe, his plan had worked.

Suddenly he began to sob, his whole body jerking with the force of it. Chris looked at him quizzically, not understanding his reaction, until he heard him almost whisper, "Oh Brian, can you ever forgive me? My god, will you ever forgive me?"

At that moment it all became clear to the other man, who replied in awe, "he will, if he knows how lucky he is...you really are completely in love with him, aren't you?"

--------------------------------------------------------

Jennifer's POV

Justin looked incredulously at his mother as she attempted to explain her letter, and why she felt compelled to write it. She didn't tell him about the deal that she had made with Chris, for fear that Justin would think Chris' apology and actions were not sincere, as she truly felt they were.

"I hope that you understand, Justin. I need to forgive him in order to move on. He seems truly sorry for what he's done, and I hope that you can find a way to forgive him, too."

"But mom, he was responsible for me losing everything, I can't paint for more than a few minutes at a time, I'm living with my someone who will always be special to me, but that I can never love the way she might want me to, and I've lost the one person who makes me happier than I ever thought I could be. How can I forgive that?"

"Because the alternative is to grow old, getting more and more bitter, and never able to open your heart to anyone again, not even Brian."

"Brian? He will never forgive me! Hell, I wouldn't forgive me, and I probably never will. I hurt him so badly mom, he may never get over it. He gave me what he has never offered another living being, his heart, open and bleeding, and he bared his soul to me. He spent his whole life believing that if he ever did that, it would be ripped out, and the pain would be unbearable. And...I proved him right."

"Justin Taylor, you have never been a quitter, and I have seen you perform miracles in Brian's life that no one but you ever had a chance to even attempt. He loves you. That has not changed. Yes, he's hurt, and you will have some...ok...a lot of mending to do. But he loves you, nonetheless, and with a kind of love that is forever. It is bigger than anything that has been done or said, and nothing can crush it. Now, you go out there and do what it is that you do to that man, and remind him that you love him, too."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?" Justin exclaimed. "I don't know if he will even talk to me at this point. "

"That part is for you to figure out. No one knows that man like you do, and I have no doubt that you will figure out how to reach him. Your the only one who can.

-----------------------------------------------

Emmett's POV

"Tell me, Em, why should I get Brian to Babylon to meet up with Justin after how badly he's hurt him? He fucking cheated on him, in his own bed!  Why should I encourage him to forget that, no less forgive him?"

"Because they need to find their way back to each other, or spend the rest of their lives wishing they could be whole again." Debbie overheard the conversation, and smacked her son on the back of the head, hard. "You just get him there, and do not tell him that the love of his life is going to be there. Then just leave the rest to Justin, he'll find a way to make him see, he always does."

Emmett smiled. He couldn't have said it better himself. He sighed, relieved. Mikey would now get Brian to the reunion, or face the wrath of Debbie, and he knew that none of them had the stamina to stand up against that.

"I sure hope that you are all right, Em, and that it doesn't come back to bite us in the ass, and not in a very fun and pleasurable way.  If Brian hasn't been able to gather more clues than I have, and put it all together in some way that makes sense to him, this may blow up in all of our faces."

BrianPOV

Brian arrived at Babylon Friday night having absolutely no interest in being there. If it wasn't for Mikey whining about how he never saw him anymore, and wasn't his friendship important to him like it used to be, and wa wa wa...on and on until Brian couldn't take it anymore, if it wasn't for all of that he would be home in his bed, learning how to be alone again, missing Justin as much as ever, but not having to deal with other people's expectations of him. It occurred to him for maybe the first time that although it had ended badly, when they were together, Justin was the only one who ever gave him anything without expecting something in return.

No one else in his life really saw him for who he is, not who they wanted or needed him to be. But it had all been a lie, hadn't it? When he had torn down those last few walls and left himself exposed and vulnerable, Justin joined the others in his life, finding that what he saw was not really what he wanted, and pushing him away.

He tried once more to put all the things he had  learned into some comprehensible form...'things aren't always what they seem'...'I will never betray his secret'...‘my life just walked out that door, and now nothing else really matters'...' and whatever he is protecting you from gets him through the days'.

Truth be told, he couldn't remember if that last one was real or just part of a nightmare, one of the many that he had been having lately. It didn't matter, anyway. None of it made sense, and he was too exhausted to think about it now. It just hurt too much, and he didn't have the energy required to endure that kind of pain. 

He made his way to the bar, and whipped back several shots, just enough to calm his nerves, and his thoughts, and let Mikey pull him onto the dance floor. Fuck, every beat, every movement, everything here just reminded him of Justin. He tried to concentrate on his friend, to push all other thoughts out of his mind in order to make it through the night until he could convince Mikey it was time to go, but when he looked for his best friend, he was nowhere to be found.

Where the fuck did he get to, he wondered, turning around in an attempt to locate him. It wasn't like Mikey to go get some backroom action, not since he and the professor had moved to ‘Stepford Valley', but if he did Brian was going to fucking kill him. He had almost completed his spin to scan over the crowd, when his eyes came upon the one person he never expected to see.

"Justin," it was more of a sigh than anything else, "what the fuck are you doing here?  The new guy not all he was cracked up to be? Come back to pick up some fresh meat?" He knew that Ethan was no longer in the blonde's life, but it was the only comeback he could think of at the moment. Where the hell was Mikey?

"Emmett convinced me to come. This was a bad idea." Justin turned to leave, but was jostled up against Brian by the crowd, and they simultaneously felt the powerful  electric charge that one simple touch created between them. Each of them could feel the fire where their skin had brushed against the other, and both immediately strained to regain composure as tears filled both their eyes at the same time.

"I'm...I'm sorry," Justin sniveled. " I think I'll just find Emmett and get out of here. " he finished, walking away so lost in thought that he didn't hear Brian call after him, "Justin", his voice cracking, silently begging him to stay.

*************************

Justin's POV

"Emmett, I can't believe that you tricked me. I would expect this from Mikey, or Lindsey, or anyone else for that matter, but not from you." Justin was furious, as he realized that the two friends had not only conspired to get both he and Brian to the same place, but that they had also left them both on the dance floor alone knowing that they would find their way to each other.

"How could you do that to me? Do you have any idea how much it killed me to not grab him and fuck him right there on the dance floor? God, Em, I want him so bad it hurts. I can't fucking believe you!"

"Well, baby, you should have gone with your first thought. That would have been really hot, and I don't think anyone here would have really minded." Justin just looked at his friend, incredulously.

"Are you out of your mind? I'm the last person here tonight who's ass is going to get any action from Brian Kinney. I pretty much gave up any chance for that, don't you think? What exactly were you thinking? I need to get out of here, before I lose my mind."

"Wait, Justin. Don't leave. Brian is here...and you are here, and as you said, you have nothing else to lose. So, why not let him know how you feel. What could it hurt, except the little bit of pride you have left after spending all this time in a relationship with the Stud of Liberty Avenue, and that can't be much?" Emmett smirked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Justin thought a second, and then turned to the stage where the last person who had signed up for karaoke night had just walked off. He signaled to the emcee, whispering into his ear as he came over to speak with him. Smiling nervously, he rolled his eyes at Emmett as if to say - here I go, ready or not - and then he walked onto the stage and cued them to start the music.

"You can dance-every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye, let him hold you tight
You can smile-every smile for the man
Who held your hand neath the pale moon light
But don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me".

Brian twirled around at the bar so fast he almost lost his balance, and stared into the blue eyes gazing back at him. He watched as tears slid down the face of this man he loved more than life itself.

He watched, and listened, captivated , as Justin began to speak. "I hope you will all bear with me for a minute. See, there's a man here, who told me that he loved me, and I hurt him - so badly. I don't deserve him, but I love him, and I need to find a way for him to trust me again. I need him back in my life, I'm not complete without him. " By this point Justin was crying so hard that he could not continue, so he simply walked off the stage, to the sound of whooping and hollering - the crowd loved it!

As Brian fought to keep his own tears at bay, not able to believe that he had just heard Justin pouring his heart out to him in public, in front of everyone, he became so overwhelmed that he just had to get out of there. He almost ran to the nearest exit, thinking that he couldn't get to his car fast enough. He didn't even see  Mikey and Emmett with their backs to him, standing near the exit, but as Justin approached them he heard the blonde say quite clearly "I don't know if he'll ever be able to forgive me, and I'm never going to stop trying, but even if he never speaks to me again I can rest easily knowing that Chris is no longer a threat to him, and that he's no longer in danger. Nothing is more important than that."

As Justin looks up, he sees Brian at the door to the alley, sees the love there...but also the confusion - and something else...fear maybe, and he wonders how much of what he just said was overheard by the man of his dreams.

3 hours later

As much as Justin loved Daphne, he was thrilled to find that she was not there when he got ‘home'.  He would never quite get used to that, home was wherever Brian was, and that certainly was not here.  Nevertheless, this was here he had to be for now, and for however long it took him to get back what he had lost.

Alone with this thoughts, he thinks to himself that he may have gone too far, and might never be able to get Brian back. After all, he had just ‘outed' their relationship to all of Liberty Ave. Sure he didn't mention his mystery lover by name, but anyone who had been part of the Pittsburgh gay community for more than a few hours knew all about Brian and the ‘one he fucked more than once'.  Brian had broken all of his own rules for Justin, but he knew that many there were  surprised to hear that the last rule - never fall in love - had been crossed off the list as well. Saddened too, there would be lots of hearts broken all over Liberty Ave if Brian Kinney were suddenly unavailable.

He was pulled from his daydreaming by the sound of his cell phone, and instantly recognized that it was Brian's ring. He wasn't ready...he couldn't hear him say that it was too late, and that he didn't want him back, so he left it go to voice mail.

He let his mind wander, remembering the love that he had seen in Brian's eyes. Could he even hope that meant that his lover might be able to forgive him? There was more than just love in his eyes though, and the pain that he had seen there, and the confusion, and the fear...yes...he had seen fear, and he knew that fear was his fault. He had hurt him, deeply, and he knew that Brian would do anything  to make sure that could never happen again.       

He decided he may as well listen to the message and get it over with. No sense prolonging the inevitable. He turned on the speakerphone so he wouldn't have to hold it while he listened to his world give out from under him one last time.

‘Hey, Sunshine, it's me. I guess you figured that out already. I just don't know how to start. All the pieces came together today. I have no idea what you thought you were protecting me from, or what happened to change that. What I do know is that I love you, more and more every day. You may think that I am better off without you, but I'm not. I can't think, my work is suffering, I can't eat, I can't even fuck. Nothing is right without you, Please Justin, I never thought I could love anyone, and I sure never thought anyone would love me. I can barely breath when I think of how you are willing to do anything to keep me safe, I have never been cared for like that, ever. The fact is, though, that the only place where I am really safe is in your arms. That's the only place where everything makes sense. I need you Justin. Please come home."

Justin stared at the phone, not trusting his own senses. Surely he did not just hear what he thought he did. Brian said he still loves him?  Brian still wants him? Home?

He broke out of his reverie trance enough to realize that Brian was still talking. He replayed the message so he could hear the part that he had missed.

"I know I should be mad, at you, at Daphne, at Debbie, at whoever the fuck else knew but didn't tell me, but none of that matters if you just come back to me, and our home... and our son." He went on to say that he would even be able to forgive Chris eventually, if that's what Justin wanted, but the blonde never heard it.

Our son...did Brian say...our son? The first time he saw Brian look at Gus in the hospital, saw the love there in his eyes for his son,  that was the moment he knew that he loved him. Now, Brian has said...our son. He couldn't get to the loft quick enough.

20 minutes later

Justin threw open the loft door so quickly that it made Brian jump. He had come up the stairs so that Brian didn't hear the elevator. He wanted to capture the look on his face, he knew that he would want to draw it later, no matter how long it took with his hand the way it was.

He almost jumped into the older man's waiting arms, crushing him with his lips, and touching him... everywhere... unable to get enough. The kiss became urgent, passionate, intimate, and deepened until there was no sense where one body stopped and the other began. He wound his arms around Brian's neck, and was lifted right off the floor, as Brian's arms snaked around him as well.

Brian's moans easily hid the fact that he was completely unable to speak.  His tongue swept out to tease across the plump and oh so kissable lips of the man in his arms.  As it pressed for entrance, Justin's lips opened to give him the access he desired.

Justin could feel his cock hardening with passion and love for the brunette who was once again in his embrace.  He pressed his hardness against that of his lover, and could not decipher his sounds from Brian's, even though Brian was rarely loud during sex.

He felt Brian lifting his shirt over his head, then felt it ripped apart as he lost patience and could wait no longer to feel the skin that he had been longing for.

"Justin", Brian almost cried, " I need you...please, make love to me."

Justin's eyes snapped to the face of the man standing before him, open and vulnerable. Sure , he had topped once or twice, and he knew that Brian loved it as much as he did. But, he had always begged for it, had to make it seem like he knew Brian was doing him a favor. Never, absolutely never, did Brian ask to be fucked!  

His dick defied possibility and got even harder, almost painfully so, and he deftly had the gorgeous man out of his clothes in seconds. He pushed him backward toward the bed, and smiled when Brian struggled to get up the step to the bed with his pants around his ankles.

He bent down gracefully to remove Brian's pants, shoes and socks, and in one movement pushed him back onto the bed and followed him, removing the last of his own clothes as well.

As he ran his tongue down the body that he knew as well as his own, stopping to cater to every nook and cranny that he knew drove the other man crazy, he delighted in the moans and whimpers of the older man.  Nothing turned him on more than Brian out of control, writhing under him, eyes glazed over with lust...and love. So much love, Justin thought he would cum right then without even having his dick touched.

He snaked his tongue out to lick at the pre-cum that was dripping from Brian's cock, and felt as he arched beneath him off the bed. Encouraged, he took Brian in his mouth completely, while at the same time moaning and humming against his lover's cock, eliciting a loud  ‘‘ah, fuck, Justin" from Brian's lips.

Brian wound his hands through Justin's hair, and pulled him up and away from his task, and with a look of pleading in his eyes, looked into the blue eyes he knew and loved, and growled, " now, Justin...can't wait...want you inside...when I cum."

Justin moved up on his knees, slipping a condom on as he gently placed Brian's feet up onto his shoulders.  "I need to see your face when you cum, " he said as he lubed his fingers and placed one knuckle deep into the rosebud he knew would be so tight, and so perfect.

Brian hissed in both pain and pleasure, and moments later , almost whispered, "more, don't stop Justin, I need more." Justin inserted his finger all the way, and then a second and a third, instinctively finding that sweet spot that had Brian muttering incoherently in seconds.

He scissored  his fingers, knowing that Brian almost never bottomed, and wanting to be sure that there was only pleasure for this man he loved so much. He removed his fingers slowly, hearing Brian's intake of breath at the loss, lined up his cock, and in one movement, slipped inside completely, the feeling taking his own breath away.

He began to slide in and out, finding the rhythm that matched the two of them perfectly, and wondered if anything this side of heaven could ever feel this good.  He leaned down to kiss Brian's lips, and as he did, saw the look in his eyes, and once again, nearly came just from the love that he saw there.  At that moment, he knew, while he would have a lot of explaining to do, Brian would forgive him.

He reached down to slip his hand around Brian's cock, lovingly matching his movements with those of his own cock in Brian's ass. He gazed into the hazel eyes that now had flecks of green, and softly whispered, "Brian, cum for me."

He felt the orgasm rip through his lover as he heard a sound that he could not describe, except to say that it was the hottest thing he had ever heard, and it pushed him over the top, as his own orgasm ripped through him, white lights temporarily blinding him, as he came harder than he thought he ever had.  

He lay himself down across the chest of the beautiful man underneath him, unwilling to give up the feeling of skin touching skin, heartbeats pounding in their chests so hard that they could each feel the other as they struggled to regain their breath.

As he removed the condom and tied it off, he said "I love you Brian, I love you so fucking much. And I know that we have to talk, and I will explain everything, and I hope you understand. But, not tonight, " he smiled playfully, knowing that he would have no trouble talking this man into what he had planned. "Tonight, I am going to remind you how amazing I am at cocksucking...and then I will reacquaint my tongue with your delicious ass until you can't stand any more, and then I am going to fuck you again. "

"I'll let you sleep for an hour or so, then wake you up, so you can do the same to me. Then, I‘ll take you to the shower where we will start back at the beginning...."

Brian smirked, his tongue pressing into the side of his cheek. "Quite an ambitious plan you have there Sunshine, looks like you better get started. "

Smiling back, Justin slowly moved down to do just that.

***************************

Jennifer's POV

"Come on in Daphne, I guess you heard?"  Jennifer was beaming from ear to ear.

"Well, I figured that the news was good when I tried to call him and he told me he would have to talk to me later. He was completely breathless, and you know what that means, right?"

"Oh, Daphne, really!?!" Jen exclaimed.

Daphne's face lit up in a grin that would rival her blonde best friends. "Well, isn't that what we wanted? It's all good, right?"

"Yes, of course, you're right, I just don't need to know the details. It's more than a mother needs to know." she giggled nervously, knowing that right his very moment, and from what she had heard, probably for many hours to come, her son and Brian would be locked in each others arms, doing things she never wanted to picture or try to imagine, but was more than thrilled to know meant that things were back in their rightful  place in the universe, and her son was happy and fulfilled.

"You want some ice cream. Or maybe popcorn and a movie. We could call Deb and have  ladies' night.  Even Em could come." She laughed as she added the last part, but knew that no one would question her last choice in guest.

"Sounds good, I'll make the calls while you get things ready." They looked at each other with a twinkle in their eyes, and settled in to their tasks.

*********************************

Ben POV

Michael pulled the covers over himself as he lay down next to the man whose bed he has shared for so long. He didn't deserve the patience that Ben had shown him all this time, while he silently pined away for a future he now knew he could finally put to rest with Brian. Not only was it never going to happen since Justin and Brian were apparently back together where they belonged, but for the first time, as he looked down at Ben, he found it didn't matter.

"Hi," Ben said quietly, not fully awake, but with a smile on his face that told Michael he was glad he was there. "I've missed you." Michael snuggled closer to his partner, and found that there was nowhere else on earth that he would rather be.

"Do you have any idea how very much I love you. "

"No, but you could show me." His smile broadened as Michael ran one hand through his hair, and the other across his hardening cock.

"Everything go ok?" His mind tried to stay focused as the pleasure built up from the efforts of his partner.

"Better than ok, " Michael responded. "Brian and Justin are together and happy, just as it should be, and if you don't mind, I'd rather focus on you."

Surprised, Ben gazed at Michael, understanding what he was saying, and more content than he had ever been in his life. "Yes," he sighed", unable to hold back a groan as Michael's tongue found his slit and lapped up the pre-cum that had started to leak there, "let's just focus on each other."

3 years later

Brian POV

Brian lay on his side, elbow holding his head, as he watched Justin sleep. He still could not get over how much joy it gave him to just gaze at him in his slumber. He had loved this man for so long, and as he allowed his thoughts to wander back over the last few years, he could barely contain his gratitude.

Justin was his…is his…in every sense of the word. In just two short weeks they would be getting married in a ceremony in front of family and friends  - that is the ones who chose to remain in their lives, and who deserved to be there. His mother and sister wouldn’t be there – hell, they didn’t even know that he was in love and happier than he ever could have imagined. He knew they wouldn’t share in his joy, and nothing was going to ruin this day for either of them.

Justin’s father would also be absent. There had been no contact at all between them since Brian and Justin had gotten back together, well – actually – not since Craig had kicked Justin out onto the curb, if the truth be told. Justin still got sad when he thought about the father he thought would always support him and love him unconditionally, but he tried not to let it get the best of him.

He pushed back the covers to give himself access to the body that had done what no one thought possible – satisfy The Stud of Liberty Ave…completely and exclusively, and he couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips.

As incredible as their sex life was though – it was not the reason that he said yes when Justin had asked him to marry him last night. At least not the only reason.  He knew that he never wanted to be separated from his lover again for any reason, and he hadn’t had any interest in any other man since that amazing night just 3 years ago, when Justin had professed his love to him at Babylon – in front of everyone. Hell, if that alone didn’t make him want to run for the hills, than nothing ever would!

No, he couldn’t ever think about life without this blonde haired, blue eyed masterpiece that lay open to his gaze, without his heart stopping and his breath catching in a painful gasp. He was still Brian ‘Fucking” Kinney, Justin hadn’t asked him to change, in fact didn’t want him to, but these days the only one he was fucking was his Sunshine.  And so, he told Justin last night that he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life waking up to this sight every morning, and then spending his days trying to make Justin as happy as he is.

He leaned forward and kissed Justin’s lips gently, bringing a smile to the younger man’s face. Justin opened his eyes, and smiled that smile he saved only for his partner, the one that said ‘I love you with all my heart’.  Brian couldn’t resist capturing those lips once more, the kiss quickly deepening with the passion he was feeling. He was loved, truly loved, and it felt wonderful.

Not that he would be sharing those thoughts with anyone else, no, these were things he would say only to Justin. He trusted his partner completely, knowing  that he would neither judge him, nor mistake his romantic overtures for weakness or hetero-bullcrap. It was enough that he had bared his soul to those around them during the time after Justin’s bashing. He had revealed his thoughts, his emotions, and his need to Jen, and to Daphne, to Deb, and to Emmett, and while it was true that his dick had not fallen off, nor had the earth opened up and swallowed him whole, they had all reacted so strongly to it that he was still much more comfortable keeping that thinking private. At least as private as he could…he couldn’t believe how often the words and sentiments just spilled out unbidden before he had a chance to filter them for his audience.

That thought made him smile once again, and as he ran his hand up and down Justin’s face and chest, he stared with love into the eyes of the only man he knew he would ever love this way.

They had made love deep into the night, and he knew that Justin would need to sit softly at breakfast.  If they had any intention of fucking this morning, it would have to be Justin on top, and he chuckled to himself to think how surprised their friends would be if they knew how often that was the case. He had long ago given up thinking that he needed to be the alpha male in order to maintain control. In fact, he suddenly realized, it no longer matter who was in charge, they just simply enjoyed loving each other, and nothing brought either of them more  pleasure than to see the ecstasy on the face of  the other. 

He would stop at nothing to make this man happy, and the happier Justin got, the more content Brian was as well. He never imagined that loving someone so fucking much could make everything about every day so much more alive and fulfilling. He thought ahead to the future, and pictured years and years of wedded bliss, even a family with little blonde haired bundles of joy, and the thought filled him with awe and yearning.

Right now, though, he was yearning for something on a more tangible level, and he let his hand travel further down as he grabbed a handful of the bubble butt that he loved so well. He kneaded the milky white globes, then moved around to graze the already hardened shaft.  Pre-cum was already oozing from the slit, and as he moved his thumb over it, Justin moaned and pulled him down into a kiss so intimate, so passionate, that he could feel his own dick harden even more, without any direct stimulation at all.

He turned himself around on the bed so that he could run his tongue over the head of Justin’s leaking cock, reveling in the taste of him, the smell of him, the essence of him. He lunged forward to take the entire length down his throat, and as Justin mewled in response, he realized that in this position Justin’s mouth was just inches away from his own throbbing member.

As if on cue he felt Justin lick the underside of his cock, trailing the vein so lightly it caused him to push himself at the wet juicy mouth that could always give him so much pleasure. He wanted more, and Justin got the hint, as he sucked the head into his mouth and began moving up and down the engorged shaft.

Brian placed his fingers in his mouth along with the delicious pole he was working on, and when they were very wet with his saliva, moved them to Justin’s hole, and began to seek entrance there. Even as tender as he was, Justin wanted nothing more than for those fingers to push their way in, and find that glorious little nub that would send him over the top.

He moaned as he felt Brian do just that, and heard Brian’s reaction to his own ministrations, as he felt his lover buck and arch. Brian knew that he wouldn’t last much longer, his control slipping away with each new sensation from this lover who knew his body better than he did himself. If Justin kept humming like that, he would not be able to hold back, although as much as he didn’t want this to end, anticipating the release to come was overwhelming every one of his senses.

Almost at once, the two lovers increased their pace, moving their hands to the base of each other’s manhood as they sought to bring each other to completion.  Brian moved the fingers of his other hand once more along the pleasure button inside Justin, and he felt the contracting as the blonde was pushed over the top, screaming Brian’s name and making the most adorable, incoherent little sounds that pushed Brian over the edge as well. As Brian yelled out his Justin’s name, his eyes filled with wetness as his love overflowed along with his release.

Brian turned and nestled his head into Justin’s shoulder, kissing his neck, and sighed gently. Justin looked over at him and smiled knowingly. No words were spoken, yet both men instinctively knew that their thoughts were the same…this love was all they would ever need. As slumber once again overtook them, the smiles on their faces remained.

Justin POV

Justin woke first, and softly and quietly got up so that he wouldn’t disturb Brian. It was still dark outside, dawn would not come for a few hours yet. The thunder had awoken him, but he knew that his lover could sleep through almost any noise. He loved to stand at the window and watch the storm. He knew a few things about dark clouds and lightning. But He knew a few things about rainbows, too. After all, Brian ‘fucking’ Kinney, the gorgeous man he now watched lying in bed asleep, the one he loved more than any other person in the entire world, this man, soon to be his husband, was his, all his.

They had made love for hours. He knew he would never tire or grow bored with Brian. Every time seemed brand new, even when they weren’t trying some unique position or idea. His ass was tender, he could still feel Brian deep inside, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He smiled as he thought about how many times Brian had been inside him throughout the night. It was like they couldn’t get their fill, wanting more and more of each other. Even though it had been years since they had stopped needing to use condoms, neither man having any interest in looking outside their relationship for fulfillment, last night every feeling seemed heightened, every nerve ending awake and alive in a whole new way, and he wondered to himself if Brian was as aware as he that love made sex better, and commitment, specifically their wonderful romantic engagement last night, even more so.

As he remembered Brian’s response to his proposal, he thought back to all they had been through over the years. He had no doubt that they could weather any storm, time had shown him that. This knowledge was what gave him the courage to ask the question to begin with. They belonged to each other, belonged with each other, and neither would ever be whole without the other.

His grandmother always told him that without the rain, we would not know how to enjoy the sun.  Well, the rain had come down… in buckets. But the sun….well he had a feeling that he and Brian would be enjoying themselves for years and years to come, as many times a day as their aging bodies, and curious children would allow. He wanted to be a father, to share that experience with Brian, and he had a feeling that Brian wanted it, too. He already knew how great a dad he could be, watching him with Gus.

Life was good, and the future held nothing but the promise of fun and laughter, love and joy. Life would not always be easy, Brian was still Brian, Justin was still Justin, and there would always be challenges to be met, but as he climbed into bed to rest his head on the shoulder of the man of his dreams, he knew without a doubt that nothing could ever break them apart again.