Have you ever wondered why you do things that cause you to be worried about your IQ? I hope so, because then maybe I'm not a idiot for running out of my house in the middle of the night because my best friend got stranded by some dickhead she went out with. That's why I never let a guy drive me anywhere until at least the third date, by then you at least can be prepared because you know they’re assholes.

So about the idiotic part of this, it's that instead of asking her to stay somewhere where it’s easy for me to find her, I hung up with only a vague idea of where she was and no real destination that says ‘Daphne’s at this location’. I really should think before I run out to save the day.

It would have saved me from running up and down Liberty Avenue like a lunatic. Which for some reason makes me look up at the moon, because the word lunatic comes from the idea that lunar cycles caused insanity, well something like that. Which I'm sure no one but me cares about.

When my phone rings, it's Daphne, telling me she got a cab and sorry for not waiting for me. There are days when I'm just thankful to be gay, because women are crazy. Then again, I'm standing in the middle of a sidewalk with hundreds of other people and I’m wearing SpongeBob sleep pants and a t-shirt. Oh, and did I forget to mention the fuzzy kitty slippers, it just screamed to the guys who walked by, ‘Stud’, which I could tell by the snorts of laughter as they looked me up and down. At least I'm too new to town for anyone to remember this stunning display of total geek. I'm normally well groomed, okay, lying to myself is really never a good thing. I just don’t see the point in dressing up for people, because I work from home, no one but Rocky and Regina to impress. Of course I never wanted to be this dressed down in public either, and why am I still standing in the middle of a street entertaining the masses when I could be home finishing the work that I get contracted to do. Oh yeah, because my best friend called wanting me to get her, and like a moron, I forgot who I was dealing with.

So turning my kitten slippers in the direction of my house, I decide to play it off like I meant to wear this outfit, because I’m confident enough to pull it off. Well not really, but I can try. As I walk by the club that has music pouring out of it, I hear more snickers. Turning my head with a confidence that really just isn’t easy to pull off in this outfit, I look to the man laughing at me. Really. I’m in PJ’s and he’s in a see through pink shirt, neither of us need to be laughing at the other.    

“Baby, there has to be a story about why you're out here in an outfit that guarantees there will be no fun for you tonight.” He says, with no malicious intent.

“Women will be the end of me.” I tell him, and continue walking.

“Honey, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, the pussies on your feet are probably the only one’s you're interested putting any part of you in.” He tells me, looping his arm through mine.

“Which is an excellent observation on your part. I meant that my best friend calls when she gets in trouble and if I would learn from past experience, I’d quit running after her because she always takes care of herself.” I tell him, as he’s leading me towards a diner.

“Well, we all do stupid things to help our friends, Baby.” He tells me.

“My name’s Justin.” I tell him, because he’s really nice and I could use someone to hang out with instead of Daphne and her girl squad.

“Emmett. But I kind of like the idea of calling you ‘Baby’.” He tells me.

“Why?” I ask him.

“You seem like a babe in the woods out on the sidewalk. You kept your head down even when the guys in line were whistling at what I have to say is a spectacular ass.” He tells me, giving it a pat.

“They were probably whistling because they were in awe of my slippers. You’ve got to admit, my kitties are adorable.” I tell him stopping and lifting my foot for him to see.

“You're right, it must be the slippers.” He tried to be serious, but ended up giggling.  

“You just can't appreciate my bravery.” I tell him.  

“Well, here’s my stop, if you don’t care what anybody thinks of your outfit, come with.” He tells me, as we are standing in front of the diner.

“I would, but I was in the middle of a job I need to finish for tomorrow. Thanks for walking with me.” I tell him, almost giving in as a red headed waitress walks up to the table by the window with a burger that looked extra greasy, just the way I like.

“Here, take my card and give me a call if you find yourself out with nothing to do.” He tells me, handing me his card.

I pulled out my wallet to stick it in there, because why not, it’s like he really expects me to call him. Emmett walked in and I dropped the card and bent over to pick it up. I hear someone else snicker, but I didn’t let it make me react. I turned with the idea of just maybe sticking my tongue out at whoever it was, only problem was, my tongue didn’t really want to cooperate with my thought process. It could be because I was gawking like a fangirl at a boyband concert, but we’ll just stick to the idea that it was too juvenile for me, not that God’s gift to gay men everywhere was standing there, too bad he seems to be looking at my kitties and not me. Then I realize the snickering came from the guy behind every gay man’s fantasy. You know, the guy that no one really looks at unless he's blocking the view you really want to see.

“Dude, you really shouldn’t let your mother dress you.” The guy, who really doesn’t have room to be talking about what I’m wearing, sneers at me.

“Michael, I doubt it matters, because the view I got a minute ago would make any normal man forget the outfit.” The older guy next to Mickey Mouse seems to think he whispered.  

“Ted, Michael, go inside before you ruin my high.” My fantasy man tells them.

“Brian look at him, just come with us.” Mickey Mouse tells him.

Brian, well at least I can say a name while I entertain myself. Bad Justin, bad. But hey, he’s worth the bad thoughts, unless he says anything mean to my kitties.

“Come on Ted, it shouldn’t take more than a few minutes for Brian to get his dick sucked, so the food will be here by the time he kicks the trick to the curb.” MM tells Ted.

Brian turned and gave them a look like he didn’t appreciate the comment. Ted seems to take it as ‘get the fuck out of the kill zone’, but MM seems to think if he stands there long enough that Brian would come with him. When Ted finally managed to get MM in the door, Brian looked me in the eye and lifted a brow.

“I normally wouldn’t really ask because compared to some of the men on the Avenue you’re kind of conservative in your volcanic ensemble, but kitty slippers?” He was trying not to laugh, but it didn’t help his case that I could see he wanted to.

“I could have an attachment to cats, and want to show my support for the kitties of the world to unite.” Oh My God, I’m like the lamest man on the planet.

“Never did get the interest in pussies, but then again I wouldn’t be against helping unite with you in a cause.” He smirks at me.

“Um, did you just hit on me?” I ask, because I’m honestly not sure.

“I was offering you a RIDE, you know I wouldn’t want your love of kitties to get that very beautiful ass kicked.” How does he make it all sound sexual?

“I have this rule that I don’t get involved with a guy who wouldn’t even stay past an orgsam.” I tell him.

“I can offer at least three, and on a good night four or five.” He says this seriously, but come on, most guys, one and done.

“As much as that sounds incredibly optimistic of you, I have a job to finish for a client who expects excellence but gives me a project three days before he needs it, so unfortunately work wins over my wish that you could prove that offer true.” I tell him, turning so I could get home.

“You're seriously not even curious?” He asks me, in disbelief that I wasn’t hopping on for the ride.

“Hello. Look at you, of course I’m curious. But I’ve never been someone who could be one of the many, I’m really more relationship then trick, so save yourself the years of trespassing orders that would most likely happen because I wanted what you don’t.” I tell him. Mostly because he looks like the kind of guy who would run at the first sign of commitment.

“I’ve never done the whole relationship thing.” He tells me.

“So see, I’m saving you from the possibility of me standing outside your window playing shitty songs about being born to love you.” I smile and start trekking again.

“Hey, at least let me get you home, it’s not safe to be out at this time by yourself.” He said it sounding less like the player and more like he just wanted to help. So being the blond murder victim I can be, I decide to take up the offer from the sexy serial killer. Did I mention my imagination is a little morbid?

“Just promise, if you're a serial killer that you’ll take my kitties off so they don’t get blood on them, and if you could without getting caught, let my friend Daphne know my final request was to buried with them on.” I tell him as he holds open the door to a corvette.

“If I was a serial killer, I doubt I’d be in the middle of a street where everyone knows me, offering you a ride.” He tells me.

“Yeah, good point. Can we go? I seriously want to murder the idiot who thinks genius can be achieved whenever he orders it.” I tell him.

“You really weren’t kidding about having to work?” He asks me.

“Nope, I could be kidding about killing the idiot who needed this rush order, but I’ll know in the morning, if he acts like a jackass when he gets it.” I tell him.

“What do you do?” He asks me.

“I paint, but will whore myself… out to companies when they need logos designed or want art for a campaign.” I tell him, smiling when he stared at me before I finished the sentence.

“Interesting way of seeing your work.” He tells me.

“Painting isn't making enough yet, but the other stuff pays well, so whore myself I will.” I tell him.

“Maybe I'll take you up on the whoring, if I like the merchandise you offer.” He says it like it's a business proposition, yet it sounds so dirty when he says it.

“I'd show you my merchandise, but the head asshole of Kinnetik binds your balls until he finishes a campaign.” I tell him, but get a strange look from him.

“Have you met him?” He asks me.

“I don’t meet anybody, because most companies ask for me. I was actually contacted by his partner Cynthia, because she's seen my work.” I tell him.

“I won’t tell if you don't. It's not like I'll steal the idea.” He tells me.

“I won't jeopardize my integrity no matter how much I'd like to test drive you.” I flirt, figuring once he drops me off I won't see him again.

“I can respect that in a man.” He tells me.

Once we get to my house, Brian stopped me from getting out.

“If you ever get over your commitment issue, come to Babylon and I'll show you a good time.” He tells me.

“I wish I could, because it sounds like I'm going to regret not saying yes.” I tell him.

“Can I at least get a name, you know, so I can distinguish you from the many?” He asks me.

“Justin Taylor.” I tell him, and run out of the car into my house before I do something monumentally stupid.

“Well Rocky, Daddy's managed not to melt in a puddle of need tonight.” I tell him when he walks up to me.

“Meow.”

Shit I really have to stop thinking my cats care about anything but using me as their pillow and someone who can open the cat food cans.      

BRIAN

I think I just got turned down, but it's hard to tell. I mean, I could see he's interested, and shit, I was interested, which normally means getting laid. Except apparently getting my campaign done was more interesting. Another thing that’s interesting is that I didn’t fire his ass for calling me an asshole, but then he has no clue he was calling me an asshole, wait let's be accurate, Head Asshole.

It has to be that innocence that surrounds him, because it just made me what to show him that riding me would be worth giving up any integrity he seems to think is more important. It doesn’t matter because at least I know I’ll see him again. I think it’s time for me to tell Cynthia that I want to meet the artist that is responsible for some of my best campaigns.

I drove back to the diner, imagining Justin in all sorts of positions in my office. I let it go long enough to get through Mikey’s idea of after Babylon entertainment. I will never get why when we no longer have to eat there because no one can afford a better place to eat, we still do. Then again Deb would kick our asses if we didn’t show up so she knew we were still alive after a night in the gay mecca.

“Brian, you need to tell my son that it’s time to stop thinking you can’t take care of yourself without him being there.” She tells me.

“I tell him, but you know Mikey never believes anything that he didn’t decide for himself how things are.” I tell her.

“Brian, I know you're tired of the game you guys play to make Michael happy. Stop and go back to looking for someone to settle down with. It's time to just tell him to fuck off and do what you want.” She tells me.

“He doesn’t want to believe all of us have changed.” I tell her.

“I can see it baby, and I want you to do what makes you happy. Maybe Michael can finally stop chasing guys to impress you.” She tells me.

“I might have met someone.” I tell her.

“If it turns into HAVE then bring him to meet me.” She tells me patting my cheek.

“Brian, come on so we can eat.” Michael yells across the diner.

“We could have been eating if you didn’t insist on waiting.” Emmett tells him.

“Guys, we always eat together, it’s not like Ma can’t just bring us new food.” Michael tells them.

“Which if you want to pay for, I will.” Deb tells him, not happy with the way he takes the free food he gets for granted.

“I didn’t mean it like that Ma.” Michael whines.

Why did I come here? Another question is why am I still here when I need to figure out how to get Justin to help me act out my fantasy of bending him over on the couch.

“I hope the trick was worth us waiting around for you.” Michael snarks.

“Michael, knock it off.” Ted tells him when he sees I’m not happy with what Michael said.

“Why, it’s not like we don’t all trick, we just usually leave it at Babylon.” He tells them.

“I just lost my appetite. Brian can I get a ride to my place?” Emmett asks me, which he’s learned keeps me from kicking Michael in his bottoming ass.

“I was going to ask Brian to take me home tonight.” Mikey says loud enough for every person in Pittsburgh to hear.

“Emmett, let’s go.” I'm not interested in listening to Michael pretend he’s a stud by hanging out with me.

“Brian, you know he hasn’t been handling David’s cheating well, but since he came home a few months ago, it’s like he wants to be you.” Emmett tells me in the car.

“At least it’s no longer wanting to be with me.” I tell Emmett.

“He seems to think David is going to show up and want him back. I just don’t think he gets that no one sees him as a stud.” He tells me.

“Except for the guys who think it’s their ticket to the VIP lounge.” I tell Emmett.

“He also hasn’t figured out that you stopped, but I mean it’s not like us who’ve been around to see it. Michael moved away for six years but seems to think we froze in time.” He tells me.

“It was the only way he could explain that we weren’t calling to get him to come home.” I tell him.

“Still, I think it’s time that we stop the five nights a week at Babylon, because Drew is ready to move my ass anywhere where Michael isn’t calling me ten times a day or showing up in the middle of the night drunk off his ass. Blake isn’t going to stay if Ted keeps up this pace. We can’t ruin our relationships because Michael doesn’t respect them.” Emmett tells me.

I pull up to his and Drew’s house and decide that maybe it’s time for us to stop pretending that we're still the guys who still want to party all night. All of us moved on while Michael ran off with David. It’s starting to affect Gus too, and Lindsay and Mel aren’t thrilled that Michael shows up and says the shit he does around Gus. If I hadn’t been distracted after the call from Mel tonight, I think Mikey might have run back to Portland when I laid into him about it. Which means that I need to explain some facts about my son to Mikey, on top of telling him, if he wants to party like it's six years ago have fun. I have a feeling I'm going to be busy chasing Justin.

JUSTIN

I opened my door to Daphne and her posse. I only let them in because she got me a peppermint Mocha and a giant danish. 

“Justin, I should have called when I decided to take the cab, but you really need to get out of the house. It’s just not healthy to talk to Rocky and Regina all day.” She tells me as she walks in with her girls.

“Yeah, I kind of agree, Justin if you would just spruce up a bit you could probably get a guy.” September tells me.

“I like the slippers.” Marie tells me, then follows behind the other two.

“I made sure Daphne understood what she did was wrong.” Alexia tells me, pulling me with her to the kitchen.

“Justin understands me, so stop apologizing for me.” Daphne tells her.

“As much as I want to sit with you, listening to how the world would be better if it was all women, I have to finish what I’ve spent all night doing.” I tell them.

Which I’ve learned just means going to my office while they talk in my kitchen. I tried to suggest they hang out at one of their places, but it seems they need a man to hear why we suck. Suck… No, I don’t have time to keep thinking about all the wonderful things I could have done last night. I finished filling in the last of the picture for Kinnetik and printed it out to put it on the boards that Cynthia sent in mass quantity. I keep telling her that I only need enough for ten to twelve boards but she told me that the King of Kinnetik likes what I do, so she’s sure I’ll need the rest. 

Daphne comes in but has learned not to look at any of my work unless I tell her she can.

“Hey, it’s Cynthia, she said she needed to talk to you.” She tells me, handing me the phone I tend to drop anywhere when I’m done with it.

“Justin, I have a favor to ask.” Cynthia tells me.

“I will not be working on anything else today, today is my sleep day.” I tell her.

“It’s not that. My partner wanted to see if you could come to the office and discuss signing with us exclusively. He’s willing to offer you eighty a year, plus bonuses.” She tells me.

“I’ve already told you that I’m not ready to sign my life away. I don’t need that much money and I like that I can refuse if I don’t want to work.” I tell her.

“He said a hundred if you refused.” She tells me.

“You can keep upping it, but like I said, I like that I don’t have to wear a suit and tie or want to stick a stake through my head when the work becomes tedious.” I tell her, looking at Kitty one slipper and Kitty two slipper, maybe it’s time to give them names?

“Will you at least come to the office and tell him, because he’ll keep bitching at me until he realizes that you're never going to agree?” She giggled while saying that.

“Just tell him I’m one of the insane people who think being poor is great.” I tell her.

“He will never understand that, he’s one of the people who believes there’s no honor in poverty.” She tells me.

I look around my office and well I’m not really one to talk since I’m the ultimate consumer. But hey, I can pretend to be starving. I prove that by taking a huge bite out of my danish.

“Tell him that if he wants me to continue working on anything, he needs to accept the way I want to work.” I tell her.

“I’ll let him know, you want to eat at your place tonight?” She asks me.

“Might as well, the squad showed up here.” I tell her.

“I’ll bring them their usual, but we are eating unhealthy tonight… hold on a sec.” She tells me.

I get up and go to my bedroom with my phone to my ear and look for something I haven’t worn all night to change into. I hear her arguing with someone but it’s kind of muffled so I put her on speaker and smile when I see that my favorite PJ pants are cleaned. I put them on and turn in the mirror to look at the back that has a pair of lips over my ass and reads ‘Kiss It’. Daphne really knows me well. I look at my slippers and decide they just don’t need their innocence ruined and pull out my Red Devil slippers. I turn to see Regina reclining on my pillow licking herself in places I don’t need to know about when that tongue tends to lick me. I look a Rocky who seems to have Cynthia talking to his ass. Picking up the phone I get a wipe, because I like ass, but I tend to like human ass.

“Hey, sorry I was changing, so I didn’t get the squad explaining hygiene to me today.” I tell her.

“Two hundred.” She says to me.

It would probably have been good to say something, but I was trying to not scream yes, when I don’t want a job. It took a few moments, but I managed to curb the asshole screaming in my head that only a dumbass would say no.

“Look, it’s very generous, but I’m not into the whole business thing.” I tell her, while trying to stomp the inner asshole who seems to want to point out all the things I could do with that kind of salary.

“We’ll talk about it when I come over, and if you really don’t want to do it, I’ll make sure he understands.” She tells me hanging up.

“You don’t hate Daddy for not saying yes do you?” I ask Rocky and Regina.

I worried when they both looked at me like I’m not the brightest human they could have been stuck with.

BRIAN

When Cynthia hung up she rolled her eyes at me standing over her. I guess staring at her like I question her ability to sell an idea, wasn’t something she could take seriously.

“Brian, he’s just not really into the high powered business world.” She tells me.

“Why are you eating dinner with him?” I ask, because this is something I didn’t know, Cynthia has friends?

“I do have a life outside of yours.” She tells me.

“Why?” I ask

“Because restricting myself to fawning over my gay boss really doesn’t lead to anything fun.” She tells me.

“I was asking why are you eating dinner with him.” I tell her slowly.

“Because we became friends when he worked on Campaigns and I offered dinner as a thanks for the work he did for us.” She tells me.

“You’d rather fawn over a gay artist instead?” I ask, but not really asking.

“How would you know if he was gay or not?” She asks me, which means once again I forget her attention to detail.

“You aren’t acting like it’s a date?” I try.

“Well since you seem so interested in my personal life, it’s not a date, but I’m also friends with his other female friends who like to go out looking for STRAIGHT MEN. It’s a ritual for us poor straight girls.” She tells me.

“Maybe he likes the attention from all you STRAIGHT GIRLS.” I tell her, only because she seems to looking at me like she’s trying to see through me.

“Brian, hey wanna get lunch?” Mikey says from behind me. It’s the first time I’m glad to hear his voice, because Cynthia seems to have forgotten that she wanted to know why I’m questioning her.

“I’m busy, but we can meet for dinner.” I offer, hoping I’ll be able to have a blond excuse for not showing.

“It’s cool, I brought stuff so we can eat while you work.” Mikey the puppy, tells me which then makes me think on kittens and then what I want to do to the owner of the kitten slippers. I managed to get my mind out of the gutter when Cynthia snorts at Mikey’s attempts to thwart me not wanting to spend time with him.

I walked into my office and left the door open, because I was hoping Mikey could get the clue I’m not into talking about all the magnificent exploits that are usually with the troll who managed to get in when all the hot guys left with hook ups. Now I’m just being mean, but it’s the truth.

“Hey, you never did say if the twink was any good last night.” Which means the door really didn’t matter, because Mikey doesn’t really get professional environments.

“Actually, how about you tell me why you're talking about tricking in front of my son?” I ask him.

“I didn’t realize he was downstairs and Mel and Lindsay invited all the guys over for dinner, it’s how we always talk.” He tells me.

“When he was a baby and couldn’t understand, then I could see you running your mouth, but he’s six and he questions things he doesn’t understand. If you can’t control what you say around Gus, then do Mel and Lindsay the favor of not coming to their home. That’s not a suggestion from me.” I warn him.

“When did you become Ward Cleaver?” He asks me.

“When my son was born. But since you weren’t around for that you might mistake that we think talking the way you did was appropriate.” I tell him.

“Look I’m sorry, but sometimes I don’t think, because really, our lives were never about the whole home and family thing.” He tells me and I know I’ve never acted this assholish.

“Brian, I have the numbers you want for the work the artist did for us.” Ted comes in and I can see he would rather just walk back out.

“Teddy, why not throw the business on the desk and help me convince Brian to give us the details on the trick, I should have thrown my hat in the ring, he looked like he could do my dick some justice.” Michael smirks, but I just don’t find it funny.

“Because I take my job seriously and don’t see any reason to discuss shit like that at my place of business.” Ted tells him.

“Sorry for offending your ears.” Michael tells him sarcastically.

“Mikey, why not take lunch to your mom, we really need to get to work.” I tell him.

“Ma can eat when she wants, why would she want me to bring her food?” He asks us, confused.

“Maybe the idea that you cared enough to think about her.” I couldn’t hold back the sarcasm in that statement.

Michael gets up and grabs the bag of grease and walks out, but of course stops to tell us our plans.

“So I expect my friends at Woody's tonight, and then Babylon as usual.” He tells us.

“Sorry, but Blake already made plans for us.” Ted tells him.

“Why not dump him? It’s not the kind of life you really want, trust me.” He tells us.

“It only took you six years to decide that?” Ted wasn’t really asking, but offering an insult. I would have high fived him, but Michael probably would have thought we were kidding.

After that Ted started giving me the number I needed to up my offer again. I wonder if Justin understands that the whoring he does is worth a fortune to any Ad company that could get exclusive rights. Ted waited till we were at our cars to ask me what’s probably been bothering him about my quest to get Justin under my roof.

“Brian, is there some reason you're chasing this artist?” Ted asks me.

“You said it last night, with a view like that, the outfit didn’t matter.” I tell him jumping in my car and taking off into the night.

I pulled up across from the house and sat there wondering what he was wearing. Smiling when he ran out after a cat, I wanted to say yes when he got down on his hands and knees to catch the cat hell bent on hiding from him. I blew a kiss and started my car.

JUSTIN

I’m trying on outfits, because I figured I needed to dress for tomorrow's meeting, but I really don’t see the point, I’m just not built to be in the business world. Cynthia asked me to at least let King Kinney pitch to me. Like I really want to sit around listening to some old guy telling me why my art could be improved by being exclusive to one company. After looking and seeing there was nothing that would really work, cargos are really not something that go with Armani, I pulled the card out to see if maybe Emmett would go shopping with me.

“Hello?” 

“Hey, you might not remember but we kind of met the other night, you know ‘kitten slippers’.” I tell him when he’s still silent.

“Are you looking for Emmett?” The guy, whose voice was deeper than I remembered Emmett’s, asks.

“Yeah, can you tell him it’s Justin or, well he called me Baby.” I tell the guy.

I start looking around for shoes and realize my shopping needs to include something that doesn’t start with ‘slippers’. I grab my frog ones and figure no one really looks too much. 

“Hey Baby, you called, which is great because I need an opinion from someone who isn’t jaded.” He tells me.

“I can be jaded, it just takes more energy than I like to expend.” I tell him pulling on a Christmas sweater because it’s clean, and then grab some jeans that really should have been thrown out when I grew.

“I’m trying to figure out a nice way of telling a grandma, hot pink tights really don’t need to be worn instead of say, a dress, for her sixth wedding.” He tells me.

“Hey, if she’s still landing men, why tell her to change what works for her?” I ask him.

“You have a point, but never mind, so what can I do for you?” He asks me.

“I have to go to a business meeting, and my friend said her boss expects me to be properly attired, but I’ve never really bothered. I was wondering if you could suggest a place to buy clothes.” I tell him.

“Meet me at the Diner and we’ll go from there.” He tells me, hanging up.

“Rocky, is there some reason no one ever says things like, meet me at two o’clock. I mean, did he mean to go now?” I ask like Rocky cares about anything but the new catnip bag I bought for him.

I stood in front of the diner, deciding that too many people seem to look at my feet and not at me. The frogs weren’t all that big a deal. One guy looked at the sky then at my sweater, so I figured I was moving up because he didn’t stop at the frogs this time. 

I heard Emmett before I saw him, and he was with this very large man who looked like he would kick anyone’s ass just for the fun of it.

“Hey, sorry for not getting here sooner, but when I started changing, Drew started vetoing anything that he thought screamed touch Aunty Em in naughty places.” Emmett smiles at me.

“OKAY, um I was really just asking for advice.” I tell him, because well, Drew really doesn’t hit my gaydar.

“Honey, we need to go all ‘Pretty Woman’ because seriously, do you own shoes?” He asks, but grabs me without waiting for an answer.

I turned to see Drew waiting at the curb and a corvette pull up. How likely is it that it’s Brian? Well very, when he gets out and stares right at me. Emmett stops to see why he’s having to pull me along.

“Brian, you and Drew need to be home in time to come over tonight.” Emmett yells.

“Babe, I told you we were only looking at the cars today.” Drew yells back.

“Tell that to my Escalade, my Hummer, and your jag.” Emmett tells him with hands on hips.

“Nice frogs.” Brian winks, then hops in the car with Drew and takes off.

“Yeah they're nice, but Baby close your mouth before we attract the wrong attention.” Emmett tells me.

“You know, I always thought girls were nasty minded creatures, but I think men just say it in a way that makes it sound like it could mean something different.” I tell him.

“You really need to hang out with more than women if this surprises you.” He tells me. 

We go in the first store and he’s throwing clothes at me at lightning speed. I was almost buried under the pants when he starts stacking jock straps on then stops to get behind me and check it against my ass. I guess he thought they’d fit because I suddenly had three in different colors thrown on top. When a text comes through his phone he pauses, and then it’s like he thinks I need everything in the store. I’m not poor, but it’s because I don’t think credit cards were meant to be maxed out for the next twenty years.

“Emmett, I really only needed one suit, so maybe lighten this a bit.” I tell him.

“You didn’t tell me this was for Kinnetik.” He tells me like that explains anything about the hoarders dream pile in my arms.

“Teddy just texted to tell me that Kinney authorized us to dress you as an incentive for working for him.” Emmett tells me.

“How does he even know you're with me?” I ask Emmett, who got distracted by a purple pinstriped suit. “Emmett could you answer me?” I ask.

“He’s seems to always know everything, but Baby, when a man offers to give you unlimited spending, you just say yes.” He tells me.

We finally got out but not before I wanted to stop the woman from delivering more clothes and shoes than I could ever wear to my house. Shopping is exhausting, that’s what Amazon and Ebay are for, so I can sit on my bed with my foot warmers (Rocky and Regina) and not have to stand in line.

“I think we just put a dent in the national debt, so is there any way to get fed before I decide my hermit existence is really a much better life?” I ask him.

“We need to work on getting you out of your bed, well Kinney might not mind keeping you there.” He mumbles as we get to ‘Greasy Burger Heaven’.

“I promise not to whine if you let me get something to keep me from starving.” I beg when the same waitress passes by with a plate of Heaven.

“Couldn’t you at least have changed shoes?” He asks, but smiles so I figured froggies grew on him.

“EM, you can take the booth in the back!” The waitress yells.

“Come on Baby, you're about to meet Mom, just be prepared if you think what we say is dirty.” He seems to warn me. 

I go to sit down but got grabbed by my hips and shit that stung. I tried not to cry, but man it hurts. I gingerly sit down and look up to see what Bear decided my ass needed a beating.

“Well Em, he’s adorable, but don’t you think Drew might have a problem with you bringing home this cutie.” She tells Emmett while I look for who could have wanted red handprints on my ass. Then I realized Mom spanked my ass.

“Deb, as much as I’d love to bring him home, he’s just a new friend.” Emmett smiles as I try to find a comfortable position to sit in.

“You look like you could eat a good meal, how about a burger with chili cheese fries?” She really isn’t asking me. I smiled because really it’s the best thing I’ve been offered since the night I saw Brian.

“Emmett you’re going to have to protect Sunshine here from all the boys.” She tells me smiling.

“Sunshine?” I ask her.

“Deb gives nicknames to all the boys.” Emmett tells me.

Deb walks off but then turns and looks down at Wilma and Fred (maybe I do need to get out, because I’m starting to think of names for all my slippers), then gives them a thumbs up. 

“So what do you do that Kinney wants from you?” Emmett asks me.

“I do art for campaigns or logos for companies, just depends on if they can afford my prices. I really want to paint for a living but until then, I can handle being a whore.” I tell him, worried that he’s going to choke on the water.

“You know I think you are going to fit in this family.” Emmett tells me and I’m just not going to question him on what that means.

I looked out the window, but about smashed into the window when someone shoved me over. I was about to ask what the fuck, when to my disappointment, MM leered at me.

“Hey, you look like you’d like some company?” Is this a joke, because he didn’t seem to think I was all that great the other night.

“Michael, leave him alone. He’s too new for you to need him to start rejecting you.” Emmett tells him.

“How would you know anyone would reject me? You're too busy up Drew’s ass lately, like Ted is with Blake.” Now he says this with a smirk as if it’s funny, but I don’t see the humor in it.

“I guess it would be hard for a player like you to understand.” Emmett tells him.

I really didn’t mean to spew my coke all over MM, but hey, player is not what I see when I look at him. He acted like I just ruined an expensive designer suit, not and I’m guessing, superhero wannabe shirts and Big Q jeans. Emmett grabbed him and dragged him away while he was cursing me out.

“Don’t pay attention to my son, he can’t seem to understand that while a mother will lie to make you feel good about yourself, it doesn’t make you what you think you are.” Deb tells me.

“I’m so never going to understand you guys, you know that right?” I ask her.

“All you new boys think that, but eventually you do.” She pats my cheek.

I decide to write a note on a napkin, because I honestly don’t want to have tell MM, players have to have game, which he definitely needs to work on. Fred and Wilma decide it’s time for a cab because my puppies are tired. I wait until I see one, and turn when someone calls my name.

“Justin, I’d really love to Kiss It.” Brian yells as I hop in, wondering what the hell he’s talking about.

Getting home, I find the squad in my house going through my bags.

“Justin, when did you get a Sugar Daddy?” Daphne asks, holding up the blue jock strap.

I grab it and run to my room to hide because when they get to the see through jock strap, there will be no end to the teasing they’re going to do. Looking for my babies I notice the sleep pants and now I’m wondering how Brian seemed to know.

JUSTIN

I stayed in my room until I didn’t have a choice, Rocky and Regina were staring me down. I was getting that look cats get when they're contemplating eating you because you haven't fed them. I'd been hiding since the squad tried to play dress up with me. Daphne tried to entice me out by saying she was ordering pizza. But I held firm until Regina nipped my toe, then I figured it was time to face the squad, because when she started licking my toe it didn’t seem like she was cleaning it. I also figured it must be safe because after the doorbell rang the squad got quiet, which hopefully means they're too busy chewing.

I opened my door and looked down the hall but didn't see anyone. Walking away from my living room, I crept into the kitchen. As much as pizza sounded good, I just didn’t want to be their barbie doll today. Since none of them were in the kitchen I ran and grabbed catfood, opened my refrigerator, and grabbed the leftover chinese from yesterday. Turning with my bounty, I end up letting it fall to the floor when a smirking asshole was standing behind me. Okay, so he was a sexy smirking asshole, but really, I was trying to hide and the noise from the can had to alert the squad like zombies looking for Brian, I mean brains.

“What are you doing?” He asks me, still smirking.

“Better question is, what are you doing in my house? And could you please be quiet, the squad might hear you.” I whisper.

“Squad?”

“You know, the women who for some reason think I should model underwear for them.” I tell him.

“You mean the giggling hens who left a few minutes ago?” He asks, and really, he couldn’t have just told me I was safe.

“Yeah, I sometimes don’t think they remember that I’m not built like… well you, and probably would disappoint them when they don’t see muscles… and why are you here again?” I ask.

“Emmett was really worried when you left without eating and told me to come and get you for dinner.” He tells me.

“I just couldn’t stay to watch MM’s greatest pick up lines, which weren’t that great.” I tell him, opening up the cans when Regina hops on my table and gives me the ‘Open the food’ look.

“MM?” He asks me.

“Mickey Mouse, I just shortened it to MM in my head.” I tell him.

“So you want to get dressed and come with me to dinner at Emmett’s tonight?” He asks me.

“Is MM going to be there? Because I don’t really want to have him leer at me again. Have any of you told him that his leers are more scary than sexy, because really, there is just a time when you have to be honest with people.” I tell him, babbling because I’m not used to having hot guys talk to me.

“As far as I know, Mikey is out giving his best ‘Stud’ impression, so no guarantee that he won’t show up drunk as shit with the troll of the night.” He tells me, looking through my cabinets. “Normally I’m not big on dinners at friends, but it was something better to do than what MM wanted, so can you get dressed?” He asks me.

“I didn’t even say I was going.” I cross my arms.

He walked towards me while I backed up into a wall. I watch as two arms cage me in and he leans over me. “Why not come, you might like the view.” He whispers to me.

Sliding under his arms, I escape, even though I really didn’t want too. Running to my room and praying I can keep from just stripping naked and running back, because I really want too, but I promised myself no more guys that can’t get serious.

“So, Emmett told me you’re meeting with Head Asshole.” Brian asks from my doorway, thank God I had my pants on already, although maybe I should wear a loose fitting shirt.

“I really can’t understand why he can’t just be happy that I do pretty much any campaign his company asks me to. They keep upping the offer and I know if they hit the three hundred mark, my ass is going to be sitting in a chair at Kinnetik, but I really hate having to show up nine to five at any job.” I tell him, looking at the new shoes and then staring at my favorite slippers. I put them on and decided they can all just deal with it.

“Nice choice, but mine’s bigger.” Brian tells me, walking out of the room.

BRIAN

Driving with Justin and penis one and two, I refrain from asking what’s with the slippers. His fashion sense is just, out there. I just hope Emmett can keep from opening his big mouth tonight, I really want to surprise Justin tomorrow. Of course he just gave me the magic number, which was lower than I was willing to go.

“Why don’t you want the job?” I ask him.

“I promised myself that I'd never become my father, who thinks being an artist is just my way of rebelling. He thinks if I'd just give up my ‘hobby’, I'd also realize I'm not really gay. I moved here because I really hated him showing up with some poor business associate’s daughter telling me I was going to start dating. It was getting to the point where my mother started showing up with guys just to piss him off. I figured it was better to move then have to tell both of them they really have no idea what I look for. Mom’s cool, and she’s only doing it because she likes to see my dad squirm. It was fun, but it got to the point where I stopped opening my door anymore. Then Daphne was moving here for college and you know I can work from anywhere, so I figured why not. Then it was like girls everywhere, every day, and now I’m starting to think maybe I should just find a cabin in the woods and hide out with Rocky and Regina because the girls are constantly trying to hook me up or at least make me get dressed everyday and… Wait, what was your question?” He asks me.

“I think you answered it.” I tell him.

“Oh good, because I tend to ramble, it’s not being used to be around guys that make me… Oh is this Emmett’s house?” He says as he opens the door and runs out. I wonder what I make him want.

Emmett opens the door and when Justin walks in he manages not to laugh, but hell even I didn’t know how I held it in. Drew on the other hand looked down and looked up to Justin’s face, raising an eyebrow.

“I like comfort and these were a present from my mom.” Okay, that was just too much, and even with him glaring at us, we snickered.

“Brian, if he balks tomo…” Ted stops when he sees Justin, it could be the shut the fuck up glare he got from me.

“Three Ted, make it three.” I tell him, seeing Justin look at us.

“Better than what you were going for.” Ted tells me.

“Let’s go eat, Baby ran out without eating today.” Emmett tells us and pulls Justin with him.

I think I just figured out a way to get Justin to at least go places with me, feed him. I watched as Emmett piled spaghetti on waiting for Justin to tell him when, it was only when you couldn’t tell there was a plate on the table that Justin smiled. I tilted my head to look at his frame and as he continued to pile it in I was starting to get jealous, because if this is how he eats, how the hell does he maintain such a slender figure? Emmett was smiling like Deb, watching him eat. Before Emmett could ask him a question, we heard a banging at the door and one guess who it was.

“Emmett, if he’s drunk again, I’m not going to be nice about it.” Drew warns.

“What's wrong?” Justin asks trying to swallow.

“Just a pain in the ass.” Blake tells him.

“Blake, I promised I was done placating him.” Ted tells him.

“MM.” I tell Justin.

“What does that mean?” Blake asks.

“It’s really stupid, but the first time I met him, Ted called him Michael and for some reason, I don’t know I started calling him Mickey Mouse in my head then that just got too long and I shortened it to MM. Is there some reason you guys seem to let him think he’s a player and not like, a dud?” Justin asks.

“You’d have to ask the guys here, because my opinion is, drop him off in the wrong neighborhood and hope he never makes it out.” Blake tells Justin.

“I can’t believe you guys would rather sit around playing stepford fags when we could all be getting laid tonight.” Michael says as he walks past a pissed off Drew.

“Not tonight Michael, we all told you we needed to spend time with our partners.” Emmett tells him.

Michael looks around the table, but when he sees Justin, he isn’t happy. “Why are you still hanging out with the twink?” He asks Emmett.

“I thought it would be nice to feed him, since you made him leave without his lunch today.” Emmett tells him.

“I have something he could eat.” Michael tells us all.

“Michael, you need to go.” Drew tells him.

“Brian, you really want to sit here and act like you’d rather be here? The guys at the club were lining up waiting for you to give them a tour of the backroom tonight. You know you’d rather be out tricking with me than at this lame ass dinner.” Michael tells us.

“Michael...” Emmett doesn’t finish because Mikey wasn’t finished.

“Maybe we should ask the twink if Brian thought he was good the other night. Brian for some reason wasn’t giving us details on if you…”

Drew had apparently had enough because he was hauling Michael out of the house. Justin shrugged and started eating. My phone rang and I didn’t bother to look because I knew.

“Emmett, thanks for feeding me, but the Asshole Kinney wants me there at eight, so I need to get going. Ted are you okay?” Justin goes over to pat him on the back.

“Fine, but did he just call y…” Ted stares at Justin and then at me.

“I guess I should stop that, but I’m not really big on getting up in the morning and for some reason even though I’ve said no numerous times, the asshole won’t give up.” Justin tells Ted who keeps looking at me.

“He can be persistent when he wants something.” Emmett laughs.

“You know him?” Justin asks.

“We’ve met, but I think I’ll let you make up your own mind.” Emmett tells him.

“I keep picturing this old perv who chases Cynthia around her desk. I mean he’s like always calling her when she’s off to get her to do things for him.” Justin tells us, then looks delightfully confused as they all laugh at me.

“He has been known for being a perv, but he bats for our team.” Blake is enjoying this way too much.

“And on that note, I think I’ll take Justin home, so he can be ready to deal with Head Asshole.” I tell them, which of course sends Emmett over the edge of laughter.

“I guess I should really curb my imagination, because I doubt calling him an asshole is going to win me any points with the guy.” Justin tells me in the car.

“Who knows, he might like your whoring enough that he wouldn’t care.” I tell him, smiling because really I want to meet Justin the whore, well, only if it’s for me.

“I swear, you always make it sound like one thing and my brain goes in a totally different direction.” Justin tells me.

“I figured after a first date, I had a little leeway.” I tell him.

“A what?’ He asks me.

“I took you out to dinner, so it counts.” I tell him.

“We are not dating, because I prefer to be asked, not told. Plus you have to pass the squad test.” He tells me.

“What’s the test? Because they seemed to just gawk and then tell me to have fun, before they left.” I tell him.

“Traitors, I’m going to hide all the chocolate and then make sure to only rent gory movies. You know what else, I’m changing my locks and not answering them any more. Then they can find some other GBF because I swear if I have to hear about one more menstrual cycle, I’m going to let Rocky and Regina just eat my ears…” He babbles. I couldn’t help it, I kissed him to shut him up and then he ran out of the car yelling about women being the end of his dick. Hey, I got to first base on a date, score one for Head Asshole.

JUSTIN

I really wanted to throw the alarm clock across the room, but since I put it out of reach for that reason, I made myself slide out of bed. Six in the morning is just wrong in so many ways, why don’t all the workers of the world unite and tell their bosses they refuse to come in until a reasonable hour. Regina was not happy when my blanket came with me, tossing her from the bed. I turned and looked up to Rocky giving me the evil eye, but he had managed to stay on the bed. I really didn't want to get up, my blanket still had that pocket of warmth that it gets at night. Maybe I could come up with an emergency sleep disorder that requires that I stay in bed until noon. While I was contemplating looking up online if such a condition exists, I heard my front door open and decided I was having my period. Hey, if girls can have them, I should be allowed, being the greatest GBF. I mean, don't they just stay in bed with a hot water bottle, eating sweets and avoiding anything that might make the hormones surging to kill all men from going thermonuclear. That's how I feel about getting up when there's a perfectly good bed that demands to be slept in, which of course won't fly when Daphne charges into my room, straight to the bags still sitting in the floor.

“It's time to join the real world.” She tells me.

I look behind her expecting the squad, but no one appears. So I look to her to explain how she escaped her cage alone.

“They don’t have classes until noon and refused to get out of bed to help me move your ass.” She tells me.

Raising my eyebrow because even the apocalypse wouldn't stop the squad if they thought I had any salacious gossip, she responded.

“Alright, I told them you'd be more likely to explain how you managed to hook up with that dream when you never leave the house if we weren't all begging.” She tells me.

“Or could it be that you were worried you'd find my dead body lying here today, because you opened my door and invited a possible serial killer in yesterday, and then left. Which reminds me, if you do ever find my body, could you make sure I wear the kitten slippers for my burial?” I ask her.

“Focus Justin, sex on legs comes in and Justin gets…” She stares at me to finish her sentence.

“Dinner.” I tell her.

“He took you on a date?” She asks, excited.

“No, Emmett wanted to feed me because MM, was too much for me and so I took off and came home and then you and the squad wanted me to model the see through jock strap which caused me to hide the parts that I tend to reserve for men. Of course you and the squad had to let the sexy smirking asshole in and I ended up running when I really wanted to model the underwear that you will never see on me for him, but then he sort of told me I’d like the view. Which I’m still not sure of, because did he mean him or the wall in the dining room?” I ask, still wondering about that.

“Justin, remember when I told you rambling makes it hard for me to figure out what the hell you're talking about?” She asks me.

“No, but if you’ll let me finish, somehow I seemed to amuse everyone when I was talking about the Asshole who thinks eight is a great meeting time. Then I was like telling him about how it couldn’t be a date because normally there’s the question, ‘would you like to go out’, but since there wasn’t that question, I told him it wasn’t a date, and that unless he could pass the squad test I wouldn’t date him, then he tells me that my HBFs just left me with him. And really, you guys don’t watch enough movies if you haven’t figured out that he could have been some guy looking to butcher my ass and steal my cats. Who will then end up sitting in his lair with my head in a jar for entertainment. I think I talked to the point that he kissed me just to shut me up.” I tell her, getting up and going to take a shower, because if I’m up, I might as well let the perv pitch at me. Hey, maybe I’m getting the whole doublespeak thing.

“Justin, he kissed you?” She smiles.

“That’s all you got from that conversation? Did you miss that he could have just wanted to add my head to his collection?” I ask, and jump in with my shorts on because Daphne has never gotten that I don’t plan to share my goodies with her.

“I’m really starting to get disappointed in you. You get a guy who the squad and I never thought would darken your door to show up, and the only thing you got was kissed?” She asks.

I just threw my underwear at her and closed the curtain.

“Hey, I’m going to get the clothes you WILL wear today.” Daphne tells me walking out.

I stood under the hot water thinking of all the things I could have done but didn’t, and well, you can guess. I was just finishing when I see someone come in, and I’m just glad Daphne wasn’t here a few seconds ago.

“Hey, can you throw me a towel?” I ask her.

The towel comes flying over the top of the curtain and I turn off the water, thinking my women seriously need to find men, because I’m starting to feel violated every time they follow me into a bathroom. Pulling open the curtain to mention this to Daphne, I stare blankly at her, well him, but it’s supposed to be her. I look up and, nope still not Daphne. I look around him and there she is, making all sorts of gestures that I want to yell ‘he can see you, idiot’. I smile and walk around him then grab the woman who seems to just let anyone into my house. I turn and watch him tilt his head at me dragging a smiling Daphne into my closet and shutting the door.

“Can you explain to me why you seem to think you can just let anyone in?” I ask her.

“He said he was here to get you for your meeting.” She tells me.

“Really, I swear this Kinney guy must think if he pulls out all the stops, I’m going to work for him.” I tell her.

“Justin, not that I mind hiding in your closet, but do you think we can get out and maybe I could do a few selfies with the guy?” She asks me.

I roll my eyes, not that she can see since I didn’t turn on the light, and walk out to see him laying on my bed with my cats staring at him. I get that, I mean a guy in Armani and a leather overcoat leaning back on my bed, well you get the idea.

“So you're my driver?” I ask him, because he must get tipped well to afford the car and clothes.

“You could say that, Kinney wants to make sure you show up. I volunteered to get you there.” He tells me.

“Do you like owe him a favor or something?” I ask him.

“Something, I really just came over to see what delightful outfit you chose to wear today.” He tells me, looking disappointed in my naked feet.

I grabbed the clothes that were on my desk and turned to the bathroom, locking them out this time.

BRIAN

“So how'd you meet Justin?” She asks me.

“He was bent over on the sidewalk.” I tell her.

She waits to see if I'll offer more, but then sits next to me pulls out her phone and snaps a picture of me and her on the bed. After, I assume, posting the picture, she gets up and stands at the end of the bed, guess it's time to pass her test.

“Do you know why this Kinney guy wants Justin so bad?” She asks me.

There are just so many ways to answer that question.

“Justin might think it's whoring, but the campaigns that were won call it good business.” I tell her, as the cats start sniffing me.

“He's just not into the whole office thing, Kinney better be offering him big incentives to give up his hermit existence.” She tells me.

“I wouldn’t mind offering him a big incentive, but we’ll have to see.” I tell her.

“Oh Shit.” She looks at me with big eyes. “He doesn’t know does he, because I doubt he’d be calling you asshole if he did?” She looks at the bathroom door.

“Nope, and I’d appreciate it greatly if you let him find out on his own.” I tell her.

“Justin, I’m going to go. Good luck.” She winks at me and takes off.

“Hey, do you think this is okay?” Justin asks me, coming out of the bathroom.

Emmett is going to be taking Justin shopping more often. I get up and walk around him, you know, just to check the fit. Justin's head follows me and I look down the white silk shirt and down to the pants that fall very nicely around the ass I’ve been dreaming about.

“I hope he doesn’t expect me to wear a tie. I really hate them.” He tells me, grabbing a pair of dress shoes out of his closet, and when he bends over I almost tell him we can be late.

To my disappointment he grabs a jacket and covers my view. I look to the cats and they are sitting at the end of the bed watching us.

Justin walks up and pats them and then I guess he just expects me to follow him. He opens his door and just walks out, leaving me to lock up for him. He seriously needs a keeper.

We get to Kinnetik and I had Ted set up the conference room. Justin sees Cynthia and runs over to see her. She looks at me trying to figure out what’s going on.

“So you’ve met Brian?” She asks Justin.

“Yeah, but why did Kinney send a driver to pick me up?” He asks her.

“He just loves to surprise people.” She tells him, looking at me in a way that makes me think my balls might be in trouble.

“Why not take Justin in the conference room, he's been really worried about meeting the Head Asshole.” I tell her, smiling.

“Brian, don’t get yourself in trouble because I run my mouth too much.” Justin tells me looking around like, well I’m going to overhear myself.

“Justin, why not go in and let me speak to Brian for a minute.” She tells him, giving me a glare.

“Hey, is that Ted? Does like, everyone work here?” Justin asks us, walking into the conference room.

“What the fuck are you up to?” She asks me.

“I want him and I’ll do what it takes to have him.” I tell her.

JUSTIN

I walk over to Ted and smile, I wish he’d told me that he worked here, I wouldn’t have said the things I said about his boss.

“How come you didn’t tell me you worked here?” I ask him.

“Until a deal’s done, my boss has us all under strict orders not to talk.” Ted tells me, handing me a folder. “I was asked to go over the folder with you and answer any questions you have.” He tells me.

I open it and it’s a standard contract until I see my doom. Mother humper how the hell am I supposed to say no now? “I don’t want to work in an office all day.” I tell him, because it’s true.

“We can work with you on that, but you’ll have to be here if we need you.” He tells me.

“I draw and send through my computer, so like when you buy stuff, no need for me to be there.” I tell him.

“Justin, it’s not like normal businesses, you're not expected to sit at a desk. The boss expects you to do what it takes to get him what he wants.” Ted tells me.

“Why does that sound like more than a job?” I ask, but then get distracted when Brian comes in and sits at the table.

“What do you think?” Brian asks me.

“I think I opened my big mouth and you told your boss what I said it would take to get me to sign.” I try to glare, but I’ve never really been able to pull it off, I think it’s the fact I still look like a preteen.

“If it gets you in bed with Kinnetik, then I’ll use whatever it takes to get you in bed.” He tells me.

I circle that in my head and it’s really not time for anything to be popping up, but pop up it did. Bad Justin. “So when am I going to meet my pimp?” I ask him.

“Are you signing?” Brian asks.

“Hello, do you not realize the amount of catnip Rocky and Regina are going to be able to get with this salary? If I didn’t sign they’d probably pack their toys and move in with someone who they wouldn’t consider too stupid for their luxurious tastes.” I tell him.

“Here use this pen.” Ted hands me the pen to my doom and I start signing, wanting to bang my head against the desk for giving up all my morals for the perv of Kinnetik.

When I finish Brian looks at me smirking. “Mr Taylor, welcome to my harem, I can’t wait to get acquainted with all the skills your whoring will do for me. Most people call me Brian Kinney, but I’ll let you call me Head Asshole.”

“OH.” Was all I could say and then wanted to slip under the table and die. So I did, until Brian leans under.

“Ready to show me your skills?” He smirks.

JUSTIN

“Justin, you can't hide in bed for the rest of your life.” Daphne tells me.

I decided that yes I can, and pull the blanket over my head.

“Do you think Brian would be willing to hang out with us?” September asks.

“September, he's gay.” Alexia adds.

“So, I just like looking at him.” She tells them.

Why isn't Marie here to reign in the girls? I came out from under the desk, but landed in girl central. I'm just not sure what was worse, finding out that Brian is my boss, or the girls wanting all the details on what is probably the most embarrassing day of my life. Which is saying a lot, because I've managed to land in some embarrassing situations before. Daphne kept trying to pull my blanket off, but I used all my strength to keep from having to tell them I now have a pimp.

When the doorbell rings, I hope it’s Cynthia, because then they'll attack her.

“Hello!” I hear Daphne, sounding too excited for it to be the pizza guy.

“Is Justin here?” I hear someone, who must be Emmett.

“Yep, but he's hiding right now.” Does she have to tell anyone who asks, everything?

Then I have to wonder what I did to deserve the girls bringing people into my bedroom.

“Baby, I came to take you out to celebrate with us. I heard from Blake, who heard from Teddy, that you took the job. So I told Drew we should take your cute ass out to celebrate.” He tells me.

“Can we come?” A hyper September asks.

“If you want to, it's really just a small dinner at a friend’s house.” Emmett tells them.

“We'll bring more food because Justin doesn’t do small.” Alexia tells him.

No, I would do an Armani wearing asshole, but that would require being able to face him again. Which I'm not. It occurred to me that Emmett has some explaining to do. Pulling the blanket off my face I look at the women still sitting on my bed and then to the enemy.

“You knew.” I tell him.

“I didn’t know that you didn't know, until the delightful conversation at dinner. So that counts, right?” He says this to the girls, not me.

“I figured it out, but he kind of told me to let you find out on your own.” Daphne tells me.

“You've lost your Hag title.” I tell her, getting up.

“Can I have it? I mean I could see Brian more if I was your HBF.” I think it's time to explain to September that gay means Brian’s not interested.

“No one steals my GBF, I've worked hard on making him the perfect GBF.” Daphne tells them. Which has them staring at me in my boxers, it had to be the moment I was scratching.

“Justin as much as I’m sure the guys wouldn’t mind seeing you not dressed, we need to get going.” Emmett tells me.

“I have decided that I’m no longer stepping out my door again. It leads to all sorts of nasty surprises. Ones that no one tells me about.” I declare out loud, not that they were listening, because Emmett and Daphne started getting clothes out of my closet for me to put on.

“You can do whatever you want, but I’m not leaving my house.” I tell them.

So I guess you could say that I left my house. I sat next to Emmett in the Hummer and tried to figure out how they overpowered me. I almost got away, but Emmett’s long legs caught me and stuffed a shirt over my head, then I’m not sure who, but when they got to close to the goods I lifted to lean away and they used that to get the pants on. When I was standing I decided that I needed to rebel. I stomped to my closet and looked for something they haven’t seen. Emmett asked that I not wear any that were too shocking because there would be a six year old there.

“At least they’re shoes this time.” Emmett tells me, smiling.

“Where exactly are we going?” I ask him, after we had gotten free of the squad.

“We were invited to dinner at Mel and Lindsay’s, can you at least give me props for getting the squad to come to Babylon instead of dinner with us?” He asks me.

“No, because I didn’t want to go there either.” I grumble.

He pulls up to the house and then pulls me in behind him. I see Ted sitting there and glare at him but then I feel bad, because he was only doing his job. A blond lady comes over smiling with a young kid, who doesn’t look very happy to be here.

“Justin, this is Lindsay.” Emmett tells me.

“Hi, I heard you're an artist.” I nod, because I’m not really sure she wanted an answer. Gus who was scowling at first looks down at my sneakers and then offers me a really big smile.

“I like your duckies.” He tells me.

“Thanks, not many people get the footwear. So what’s got you so glum?” I ask him.

“My dad was supposed to be here, but he called saying he didn’t know when he’d make it.” Gus tells me.

“Gus, your father always comes, he just said that he had to deal with something first.” Lindsay tells him smiling.

“Hey, want to hang out until your dad comes?” I ask him.

When he grabbed my hand I figured that was a yes. I so love kids, they get to do the fun stuff. Gus wanted to build a fort in his room so we could post signs that no moms were allowed. We were just finished when Emmett came and climbed in with us, we let him stay, only because he brought cookies.

When Lindsay came to tell us it was time for dinner, Gus took off with Emmett behind him. I sat there just thinking about how simple life was before my trek to Liberty Avenue. I was crawling out and saw boots. Looking up from my hands and knees position, which was not going unnoticed by my new boss, my first thought was to just crawl back in.

“Why are you suddenly everywhere?” I ask him, scowling.

“I figured that since my son lives here, it makes sense for me to be here. As much as I'd love to explore your habit of crawling, the munchers might not be too thrilled.” He tells me.

“Um, my friend September might not need to know that you went where no gay has normally gone before.” I tell him.

“I might have gone there, but I didn’t stay for very long.” He tells me.

“With September it only counts that you went.” I tell him crawling out the door.

I got up when I turned to see him watching me crawl and decided I’d entertained him enough. When I walked in the dining room all the conversations stopped, and they were all staring at me and Brian walking in. I have a feeling I just don’t want to know what they were discussing. The brunette at the head of the table rolled her eyes at Brian, but smiled. I noticed there were only two chairs next to Gus and gave up on avoiding Brian, just sitting where they obviously wanted me to.

Brian sat down with Gus and I could see the resemblance. Which of course had me confused, because if Mel and Lindsay are a couple how does Brian fit in and part of me just wants to erase the idea of ways that could be.

“I donated for the girls.” Brian whispers to me.

“We haven’t met, but I’m Mel.” The brunette tells me.

“Justin. Nice to meet you.” I tell her, smiling.

“How did you end up in this group of guys?” She asks me.

“I’m not absolutely sure, I mean it’s kind of Daphne’s fault, but like I told Emmett, I really need to stop thinking she can’t take care of herself, but then I can’t really be upset because Emmett walked with me when my outfit was causing too many people to stare. I’ve been kind of not leaving my house so I have a feeling that Daphne didn’t really get stranded but stranded me where the squad was probably hoping to get me out of the house.” I look at everyone and realize once again I’ve babbled.

“I saw Baby walking down the sidewalk in PJ’s and kitty slippers, and at that point he was more interesting than dealing with you know who. When I invited him to eat with me, he said he needed to work so I ended up leaving him with a card to call if he wanted to do anything.” Emmett tells them, but when he rambles they all seem to get it.

“But how did you end up working for him?” Mel asks me tilting her head at Brian.

“He’d been doing my campaigns already. After meeting him, I wanted him under my roof.” He tells them.

When they all waited for him to say more, he just handed me a plate with lasagna on it. I looked around and the guys seemed to be picking at the food, which I figured out why when instead of gooey cheese I get vegan cheese and why do people think tofu can become something just because you put it in place of say, meat. I tried to eat it, but I’ll never get the whole we don’t eat meat but do everything possible to pretend it’s say, a hot dog but it’s really just tofu, shaped and dyed to give you the impression it’s one thing when it’s just tofu. Even my cats just batted it around when I tried to get them to eat it. Brian saved me by telling everyone we were going.

I tried to follow Emmett to his car but Brain just dragged me behind him. Then he kidnaps me, they were driving to the club and he turns the other direction, then I think I fell in love, he headed through a drive thru.

“I couldn’t listen to the growling anymore.” He tells me, ordering.

BRIAN

After feeding Justin, I really didn’t want to go to the club and possibly run into Michael. There was one place I could go that really only Ted knows about, and knows better than to talk about. I start heading to the house I bought, though I'm still not sure why I bought it.

“Is there some reason you're driving out of town?” He asks.

“Did you really want to go to Babylon?” I ask him.

“No, but the squad are going to notice and then I'll be invaded because they seem to think they want details. Which is a total mystery to me since I never want to hear the details but that doesn't matter because I'm always out voted.” He tells me, then mumbles something about cats, head, and lair.

When we pulled up to the house I had to drag him, whimpering, out of the car. I would have asked, but I have a feeling I don't want to know what's going through his head. Opening the door, he seems as if he's walking to his death.

“Just so you know Daphne has GPS on my phone.” He tells me.

“I'm really not a serial killer.” I tell him.

“I never thought you were.” He tells me, not sounding very convinced.

I decide to let him figure it out on his own. He followed me, looking around, but stopped when he saw the fireplace. I bought it with the idea of reselling it later but seeing him here I start to wonder if keeping it might be a better idea.

JUSTIN 

I have decided that I need to watch something other than serial killer specials on the Discovery Channel. Because when we first arrived at this deserted house in the middle of nowhere, all I could think was how they take their victim somewhere where escape is impossible. You want to know what I see when I look at the giant fireplace? Spit-roasted Justin, and not in any way I could see as fun. What I thought was weird was how Brian was looking at the house like he'd never been here. If I owned a house this big, my cats and I would have already explored every nook and cranny.

“Why are you looking like you've never seen this place?” I ask, because silence freaks me out.

“I bought it as an investment, but now I'm wondering if I should keep it. It would stop people from showing up at the drop of a hat. ” He tells me. 

“Unfortunately in my life, it would just encourage Daphne and posse to never leave, but on the plus side I could adopt more cats.” I tell him. 

“I was just thinking that it would solve a couple issues, none of which includes ten cats and you.” He tells me. 

“Ten, are you kidding… I could have like thirty and you'd never know it in this house.” I tell him, mostly kidding.

“Do you ever see your life and wonder if…” 

The knocking on the door will forever leave me wondering... what? Brian looked at the door as if he was deciding whether to nail it shut or tear it down, when we hear MM yelling to be let in. I start to worry about Ted when Brian starts talking to himself.

“I'm going to build the biggest fire Pittsburgh has ever seen if Ted is on the other side of that door, then you know what I'm going to do? He asks me, but continues without me answering. “Roast Ted’s ass over it.” He tells me. 

Which really didn't help my death by spit-roast idea. I decided to save Ted by covering the fireplace with a sheet. When I turn around I could see Brian was not amused.

“Good idea, I can tie them in the sheet like a big doobie, before I smoke their asses.” He tells me, going to the door. 

Before we get into how I managed to escape killer mansion, I'd like to point out that it's not my fault what happened. I was minding my own business, when MM decided to kick me out. I was perfectly willing to leave when he took off his shirt and pants for his idea of an underwear party. 

Brian didn’t make it to the door before MM let himself and about thirty guys in. When Brian’s cell rang, I had a feeling it was too late to warn Brian, which could have something to do with the troll patrol showing up. I mean, I usually try to think nice thoughts, no matter how the phrase ‘only a mother could love’ should have been explained in detail to Michael. It was when one of them tried to rub up on Brian that the whole mess started, because Daphne must have turned on my GPS she could find her GBF. So while Brian is glaring way down at the guy who could have been my dad, Daphne and squad managed to get in. I could see the minute the girls realized that this was like an outcast party, which with MM should only be expected. 

Daphne gave me and Brian the ‘I expected better men’ look. 

“HEY, CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TAKING IT OFF AND START PUTTING IT ON, BECAUSE THERE IS WAY TOO MUCH MAN BOOB SHOWING.” September yells.

“Justin, Brian just lost points with the squad.” Daphne tells me, wrinkling her nose at the guy who’s back hair could get him some gorilla love.

“This is all MM.” I tell her loudly over the music that someone started playing.

“Who’s MM?” A guy, that should never wear speedos, asks.

“It’s what I call the host of this example of un-hotness.” I tell him when he tries to feel me up.

“Michael, this guy is calling you M&M.” The guy yells.

“Like the candy or rapper?” Michael comes over, doing what I assume is dancing.

They look at me, but of course Daphne, who loves to tell everyone everything, answers for me. “Justin nicknamed you Mickey Mouse but after looking at you I think he’s being a bit mean to old Mickey Mouse, he really should have called you Mini Mouse.” She tells him.

“Who the fuck invited the twink and the twat to my party?” MM yells, and I smiled because hey, he’s still MM.

“Why the fuck are you even here?” Brian stands in front of MM, glaring.

“To party with you.” He tells Brian like an eager beaver, I would have said puppy but they’re cute and super dud in underoos just isn’t.

“Seriously Brian, we had high hopes for the squad to find some GBFs tonight, but there is just no way to convince the girls that hunch back and MM are candidates for anything but a circus.” September tells him.

You know there are times when I worry about that girl, can she not see the glare, or is she really blinded by the body. 

“Daphne, maybe you could take the girls to the kitchen.” I whisper when Ted and Emmett come in.

“Brian, I didn’t tell Michael.” Ted tells him, almost scared.

“Please don’t kill me, but when Daphne showed me the address and asked who lived here, I kind of spilled what Teddy told Blake in the strictest confidence. I didn’t know Michael was there.” Emmett tells him, and poor Teddy just couldn’t win.

“Guys, who cares how I found out, look around, there’s enough tricks that we could hang here for a week having a good time.” MM really wanted to get Teddy killed.

“MM, have you really looked at what you're calling a good time?” I ask, then realized that I should have kept my mouth shut.

“Excuse me, but until you came my friends were out to have a good time. I’m going to do Brian a favor and kick your stalking ass out.” He tells me grabbing the front of my shirt, he yanked so hard that I ended up tripping and was saved by speedo’s stomach.

MM should really pay attention because when speedo tried to smack me, I ducked and MM got a backhand to the head. I have to say, after the spanking his mom gave me, that MM must be used to being smacked because he didn’t even flinch. He only turned, and when he did I was standing there, which somehow made him think I did it and not the bear behind me. Daphne of course, wasn’t going to let MM blame me, but ended up on her ass when MM reared back to punch me. Which had the squad on Michael like vultures on a carcass. Michael was screaming for someone to get the bitches off him, which really pissed off the girls. I will never forgive them for ripping the underoos off, because I just lost what little hope I had left for MM. 

Brian at this point seemed to just watch, as MM was handed his ass by the squad, but it was when MM knocked Alexia off and punched me in the eye, that I think Brian just had enough, but it seems the cops that were checking on the noise complaint didn’t appreciate the penis flying at them. MM and company were escorted from the house by someone who was apparently MM’s stepdad, who didn’t look very happy about having to pick up MM.

MM just couldn’t go quietly. Nope, he decided to take me with him and launched his blanketed ass, I find it important to add the blanket to this, because otherwise I would have been bleaching my skin, at me. I might be all ‘live and let live’ but he already probably left me with a black eye, so fair is fair, I gave him two to match my one. Which is how we all ended up at Mom’s house, who I’ve decided is much scarier than a naked MM.

BRIAN

Why I ever thought there was such a thing as a secret in this group is going to forever be the death of Ted or Emmett. Well, Ted because Blake is not a problem, but Drew, well I just don’t even want to test that one. After watching Justin handle MM, I realize that he might need a keeper for mundane things, but the twat’s scrappy. Carl let us all know we were going to see Mom, which was an order and not an option. This is not how I wanted to show up with Justin at Deb’s. 

Deb opened the door and we all knew just to sit down and wait for it. When Justin saw her, he backed is ass to a place I’ve wanted him, but not with clothes on.

“She already spanked my ass, and I’m still bruised.” Justin whispers, holding my hips against his ass. 

Which made me forget why we came here. Unfortunately, before I could carry Justin with me to the bathroom, or even a closet would work, Deb pointed to the couch.

“I want to know why my husband got a call, Michael?” Deb asks a confused Michael.

See, when Michael left, Deb started to notice that there were less dramas going on, so being the smart woman she can be, she asked a lot of questions about things that at the time she blamed on me, or well, anyone but Michael. Then she found out there was one common denominator in every instance, Michael. Which now makes it harder for her to find fault with us, when once again her son is in the middle of a mess.

“The party at Brian’s house got out of hand because of him.” Michael points to my lap warmer.

“Sunshine, what happened to your eye?” Deb asks Justin, holding his face.

“What about me, he hit me.” Michael tells her.

Which didn’t get him anything but a glare from Mom. Michael just can’t compete with Justin, Michael whines, and Justin looks like he wouldn’t hurt a fly.

“I’m sure you did something to make him hit you.” Deb tells Michael.

“He smacked me, first.” Michael says, like he’s three.

“I did not, it was Guido in the speedo, but to be fair, I ducked and he smacked MM.” Justin tells her.

“Stop calling me MM.” Michael snaps.

“I want to know why Carl was called, because you were running naked at Brian’s house.” Deb tells him. 

“Ted you're fired.” I tell him.

“You can't fire Ted.” Justin turns, giving me a look that means I'm keeping Ted if I want any chance with Justin. 

“Why the fuck would Brian care what you say?” Michael glares at us.

“He's my pimp.” Justin tells everyone, which really didn’t sound as great when Deb heard it.  

“Brian, is there something you want to tell me?” Deb glares.

So in the interest of saving my life, I said the one thing only she would get. “Remember the might, I'm trying to turn it into HAVE.” I tell her, loving that no one but Deb understood me.

Which was all it took for her to let me and her new favorite go, while detaining the others. I smiled at Ted and Emmett when Deb turned to them.

“So as far as second dates go, how'd I do?” I asked Justin as he was getting out of my car.

“You really need to talk to someone about what people do on dates.” He tells me. 

“So I guess I'm not getting to second base?” I really want a home run.

Justin’s answer wasn’t encouraging, which was getting out of the car and slamming the door.  

BRIAN 

“How come Justin is ignoring me?” I ask, rolling my eyes when I get a blank stare. 

“You know he suggested I ask people what you do on dates?” I tell them, and other than smiling at me, they still aren't helping.

“Hello, is there anything one of you could suggest? Because somehow, you managed to get past dating to the fun shit.” I tell them.

These are the people who I know that did the dating and getting to know someone thing, yet other than stare at me, like well, Justin’s cats, nothing is coming out.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I ask, exasperated at them acting like I’m insane.

Holding up his hand, I glare at Ted, are we in school?

“I’m going to speak for all of us, but your asking for advice on dating and well, we really didn’t do that.” Ted tells me. 

“Well obviously you did something, because each of you got partners.” I tell him.

“You also remember how Blake and I met, don’t you?” He asks me.

“I honestly wasn’t paying attention, but even after the whole almost death date, you two obviously did something.” I tell him.

“Crystal, rehab, codependence on my counselor, years of bad dates between, and then we just met again and it worked. So we never really dated.” Ted tells me, so I turn to Emmett.

“I was in his closet, then not, then Drew came back when he realized he only wanted me. I just moved in and we’ve been together ever since.” Emmett tells me.

“I did take you on a date.” Drew tells him.

“You rented a restaurant so no one would see us.” Emmett tells him, rolling his eyes.

“It was a date.” Drew grumbles.

“Mel and I would have dated, but kind of like Emmett, we just moved in.” Lindsay tells me.

“We could ask Carl, he took Deb out for a while.” Emmett tells me, but realizes old people dating was probably not what I was looking for.

“Dad, um, dating is like eating and talking right?” Gus asks me from the corner.

“Normally yes, and yes sonny boy I’ve taken him to eat, and well, Justin tends to talk without needing me to say much.” I tell him.

“Brian, you call taking him to eat at our houses a date?” Mel asks me.

“He just happened to be at your houses.” I tell her.

“Have you even asked him on a date? Because just being in the same place eating doesn’t really count.” Mel tells me.

“I took him to McDonalds after your tofu pretending to be meat.” I tell them and the resulting laughter wasn’t my aim.

“Hold on, maybe it’s time to call in some help.” Emmett tells me, and walks out dialing his phone.

“Dad, if you want me to, I could invite Justin to my fort and you could like do a picnic or something, but Justin really likes cookies, so maybe have that.” Gus tells me, crawling on my lap.

“I think Justin was looking for something other than cookies in a fort.” Mel tells him.

“He liked mine, he told me that I was fun because I still get to do the good stuff.” He tells Mel, sticking out his tongue at her. 

“Okay, the girls will be here in a minute.” Emmett tells me.

“Why are you inviting more women, I’m trying to date Justin?” I tell him.

“They’re his women, although one keeps asking me if you have a HBF. Please I’m in a room of gay men and you don’t know what a Hag Best Friend is?” Emmett rolls his eyes at us when we stare at him, confused.

You want to know what led to me thinking they could help? It started the first day Justin came to work, twenty minutes late, half asleep, and telling all the other artists that they should rebel until a reasonable hour. Then when I call him to my office to discuss a campaign, he shows up with Ted, who knew he was still on my shit list, and tells me that he and Ted were going to need to work together closely and that if I needed him to call Ted. How he thinks that I would believe that Ted, the accountant, and Justin, the artist, need to be attached at the hip is just well, Justin. I think when that didn’t work because Ted really has work to do that requires being in his office, Justin left notes everywhere telling me answers to questions I might need to ask, then the twat sends me an email saying that my building is stifling his creative side, so he’s going to work from Starbucks. If Justin didn’t deliver I would have fired his ass for this shit. Instead, I’m entertaining Cynthia and Ted trying to run down Justin who can disappear at a moment’s notice.

“It must be hard for you, for the first time someone didn’t just fall on their knees when you smiled.” Mel smirks.

When the girls get here, I realize Justin was right because after meeting Gus, September kept giving me hopeful looks. Daphne showed up with a folder and arranged her squad around the kitchen table like it was a business meeting. The guys and girls ran to sit, because apparently my dating is unbelievable.

“Before we help, we want you to know that we are disappointed in you. Justin should have been able to give us really detailed gossip, but instead he’s still talking more to his cats than to you.” Daphne tells me.

“Hey lay off Brian, he could just be shy.” September tells them. 

“September, gay does not mean bi.” Alexia tells her, which makes September tilt her head at Gus.

“Anyway, Emmett called because you want Justin to be your first.” Daphne tells me. And come on, did they really have to laugh for ten minutes about that?

“Shit, this is virgin territory for you. You want Justin to pop your che…” Ted stops when Mel glares, tilting her head to Gus who looked disappointed when she stopped him.

“Which, really Brian, if you wanted to date him, asking would help.” Marie tells me dryly. 

“But you know, if you want, I could come to your place and tell you what I like on dates.” September leers at me.

“Sweetheart, give up.” Alexia tells her, giggling.

“I need to know that you're really interested in Justin or we leave.” Daphne tells me.

It was eerie, because I started to see that Justin and I seem to pick friends with the same traits. September is his Michael, Alexia his Emmett, and Marie his Ted. I'm debating Daphne because she's this combination of Mel and Lindsay with a little me thrown in.

“Trust me, Brian’s interested, because he’s asking for dating advice.” Emmett tells her.

“Dating and Brian have never been put in a sentence together, so yeah he’s serious.” Ted tells her.

“Guys, I think it’s just that no one could hold Brian’s interest for more than two seconds.” Mel says and I think she was trying to be nice but you can never really tell with her.

“Mel, he’s just picky, but then with Michael around it makes it hard for anyone to get close to Brian.” Ted tells her.

“I’m going to ask because I’m still trying to figure out MM. What’s with him?” Daphne asks Emmett.

“Girl, it’s the classic cheated on by my man. Michael is running around, suddenly trying to be Brian.” Emmett tells her.

“Has he not figured out that he just doesn’t have it?” September asks.

When they seem to want to gossip, I gave up on help from this quarter. I think it’s time to show Justin I mean business.

JUSTIN

I’m still not sure how he got in, but he did. One minute I’m painting the cats, and the next I’m over his shoulder being carried out of my house. I might have tried to protest, but I’m just exhausted from running, and well, my hand is getting callouses from, you can guess. 

“You know I have to work tomorrow.” I tell him, which only earns me a look.

“Can you at least let me use your phone to tell someone to feed the cats?” I ask him, because he grabbed my phone and threw it back in my house.

Instead of giving me the phone, he calls Ted and tells him to get one of the girls to feed my cats.

“The minute this car stops, I’m going to escape.” I tell him.

I guess it would have been more convincing if he hadn’t hauled me out in my boxers. When he stopped at his place he gave me the option of walking or being carried. When I sat in the car not moving, I was hauled over his shoulder and the fucker spanked me. 

“You know I’ve tried this whole dating, getting to know you thing, but that doesn’t seem to be working for you. I think it’s time for the caveman thing. What do you think so far?” He asks, but where they hell did he get the idea he even tried dating?

The elevator stopped and I try to see where we are going but it’s just not easy when I’m bent over with the back view. He slides the door open and stops. I look around and there are candles lit and it smells like someone cooked. Brian let me down but when I look at him I can see this was a surprise to him too. When the shower stops, we both turn to look at the bedroom. Out comes a guy in a towel that I have to say, sort of looks like me. Brian scowls and walks up the steps to his room and I follow behind him. The guy looks at both of us.

“Hey, can you call your friend and tell him I charge extra for threesomes?” He tells us.

EMMETT

Ted, Blake, Drew, and I were all going to get a drink at Woody’s and gossip. I think we were all shocked at Brian asking for dating advice. When we get there I groan, seeing Michael sitting at the bar eyeing guys who weren’t even interested. He see us and starts this swagger that really just didn’t work for him.

“Where’s Brian?” He asks.

“He took off, so couldn’t tell you.” I tell him.

“He is so missing out, we could have been taking turns scoring with the guys tonight.” He tells us and winks at a guy who is completely uninterested but leers when he spots Drew. I think my glare told him what I thought of that idea.

“I hope he likes my present.” Michael tells us.

“It’s not Brian’s birthday.” Ted tells him. I know I was confused.

“I think it’s time for the King of Liberty Avenue to return to his throne. I sent him a reminder of what he could have if he stops acting like one of you.” He tells us.

Ted’s phone rings, while we were waiting for Michael to tell us what he did. Ted looks at Michael, and you know that look you get when your friend is going to die, well Ted gave it to Michael. My gossiping heart was beating out of my chest when Ted hung up and started hitting his head on the table. I handed Blake a bunch of napkins because that’s going to start hurting if Ted keeps hitting the wood. Ted stopped when he hit napkins.

“Michael, one thing the King of Liberty Avenue never had to do was pay for it.” That was all Ted said as he got up and left. I looked at Blake, who glared at Michael and walked out after Ted. Michael looked at me and he really thinks I’m staying here when I could find out what’s going on. 

Blake texted that they were headed to the loft. When we got there, Justin was feeding a guy who kind of reminded me of Justin. Brian looked like he’s like to toss the guy out.

“Hey Emmett, come meet Brad.” Justin tells me, and I notice he’s wearing one of Brian’s dress shirts.

“Justin, can we let Brad go home?” Brian asks him, not really, but he phrased it that way.

“Brian, I’m trying to show him he has options, I mean you could like, offer him a job. You’re all into the pimp thing.” Justin tells Brian.

“I already have a pimp.” Brad tells Justin.

“Michael might need an undertaker.” Brian tells us.

BRIAN 

After being told the guy charges extra for threesomes, Justin giggled, and then asked where the food came from. Which seemed to lead to Brad telling Justin the recipe, while giving Justin’s ass a good look. I hauled Justin into the bedroom and covered said ass, because if anyone is getting that, it better be me. Then Justin runs out of the room when Brad tells him the food is done.

Sitting on the bed I hoped to use tonight, I dialed Ted, because regardless of my night not going as planned so far, it's going to.

“If you want me to let you off the hook for telling Blake, who obviously then told Emmett, something you were told to keep your mouth shut about, you'll come to my loft and take the hustler home.” I tell him, hanging up.

Walking out of my bedroom, there's the object of my many fantasies, stuffing his face. He looks up smiling, as if he's been saved from me again. 

“Brad, you should really think about cooking instead of what you're doing.” Justin tells him. 

“Cooking doesn't pay as well, but I like to give the illusion that it's more of a date then what I'm really here for.” He tells Justin, smiling.

Justin tells him to sit down and eat too. I glare, because Brad needs to go so Justin realizes that running is no longer an option for him. Ted walks in with Blake, and then Emmett runs in like his ass is on fire, with Drew behind him. Justin seems to think we all need to help Brad. It’s when Ted tells me that this was Mikey’s idea, that I decide there’s going to be one less player in Pittsburgh.

Of course Mikey had to make it easy for me to kill his ass by running in smiling, until he saw nothing but the hustler and Justin eating together.

“Brian, I payed for him to do more than eat with the twink.” Michael looks at me in disappointment. “Why are you even here?” He asks Justin, and really, I love Justin’s way of explaining things.

“Well, it started with someone telling me that we were dating, but you know, I really would have liked to be asked, not just told that we were on a date. So I decided that it couldn’t be dating, you know, because I was never really asked the question. Plus there’s the whole commitment thing that I’m just not sure about. I mean, he told me that he really kind of wasn’t into it, but then maybe he is, because there's the whole dates that aren’t dates. Then tonight he goes all caveman and hauls me here, but then Brad was here so I wasn’t sure what the plan was, but I was hoping it would save my hands from more callouses.” He tells us.

“What the hell is he talking about?” Michael asks me.

“Dating, you know when people go out and eat, talk, and general decide if the other person is worth their time. He doesn’t really get it.” Justin tells him pointing at me.

“Brian isn’t into that shit. Brian tell him, you're into tricking and partying, not dating.” Michael looks at me almost begging me to say it.

“See, that’s my problem with him.” Justin tells Michael.

“What?” I ask him, because if we can solve this then we get to the fun shit.

“You have the whole ‘not wanting a relationship’ vibe.” He tells me. 

“Yeah, he does.” Hustler Brad adds.

You know, I just don’t need the hustler, as well as MM, helping Justin think I’m in this for a trick.

“I want everyone out of my loft.” I tell Ted, and when Justin gets up I stop him. “Not you, we need to establish what I want.” I tell him.

“Brian, why are you wasting your time on the twink?” Mikey whines.

“Michael, it’s time to go.” Blake tells him, possibly saving Mikey from imminent death.

“No, I won’t let him ruin his life.” Mikey tells them yanking his arm from Blake.

“Let me clear up something for you Michael. While you were off playing hubby to the doctor, the rest of us didn’t freeze in time. Each one of us forged a new life that we like. The only reason we’ve been running around like six years ago, is because your mother was worried about you and the crazy shit you’re doing, so like the friends we were trying to be, we didn’t correct your assumption that we weren’t the same people we used to be. Brian isn’t the guy you knew, he’s changed and wants more than to be the life of the party for you.” Emmett tells him.

Mikey looked at me like I was supposed to tell Emmett he was wrong. When I didn’t say anything, but pointed to the door, Mikey’s shoulders slumped and he followed the rest of them out. I slammed it shut and turned the lock. Justin stood for a second but then ran to the bathroom, I whistled, as he was in a place I could work with. 

“Hey, I like your bathroom, but really, why not a tub?” He asks, looking for an escape.

“The shower has more room.” I tell him taking off my shirt.

“Um, you know we should like go eat, or, I know my cats hate to be alone, we should make sure they don’t have separation anxiety.” He tells me as I unbutton his shirt, which he doesn’t seem to mind.

“How about we stop talking for awhile.” I ask him.

“Because I’m nervous, and when I am I tend to talk a lot. You really don’t want me, but you think you do…” 

I think occupying his mouth was really in order.

Justin stood there letting me take off the boxers, and didn’t resist when I led him to the shower. I stared at the ass I’d been dreaming about and decided it was time for me to make it a reality.

JUSTIN

It wasn’t like I didn’t want him, it’s just I know myself, and if this is just a fuck and forget, he’s really going to have to get restraining orders. I could just see it, I’d be like everywhere trying to show him I’m the one for him, while he tried to tell me he didn’t do relationships. I’d be thinking of songs that showed him I was the one that he wants... wait, that is a song. Why am I thinking about this when he’s undressing me? 

Brian takes off the rest of his clothes and what was I thinking about again? Like a lamb being led to the slaughter, I just let him pull me, mesmerized, into the shower. When he started washing me I just stood there acting like a puppet letting him move me around. It was when his hands spread my ass that I kind of decided that maybe I should pay more attention to what’s going on in the real world. I could run tomorrow, because for one night I could finally find out if he can deliver on his optimistic promise.

Brian lowered to his knees and smiled as he swallowed me to the root and really I was impressed because he didn’t choke, but then I looked down and started to worry that I might, because the man was a whole lot more than I’ve ever tried before. OH SHIT, don’t cum, don’t cum, please don’t cum.

“Justin don’t hold back, because trust me, we are going to have a busy night.” Brian tells me turning me.

Did I say that out loud, and shit, never mind because those long fingers are really something. He slowly pushed them in and started prepping me and I kind of need to tell him something, but really, it’s not something you tell someone when you're halfway to losing your virginity. I mean I’ve had sex, but I top, because well, I’ve never trusted someone enough to bottom. Then I think I forgot to say anything because when I felt the blunt head of his dick pushing for entrance, I was too busy enjoying it to tell him. The pace was fast but really, I wasn’t complaining and when he came, instead of softening he pulled out his still hard dick and okay he’s not an optimist. 

When we got out of the shower he dried me, staying hard and really I was truly impressed by it, so much that I decided to reward him for it. Pushing him down on the bed I looked him in the eye as I when down on him. I swallowed and swallowed until I had that magnificent dick all the way to the root. I would have smiled but like I said my mouth was a bit busy. I was determined to see how many times it took for this tootsie pop… OKAY, I know you don’t care because you're probably more interested in the rest.

Levering up I grabbed a condom and put it on him. He wanted a RIDE, then he could lay back while I saddled up. And yes cowboy, it was a ride that would be felt for a couple days, but hey, if I’m already here then might as well enjoy myself. Brian flipped us staying inside me, and I’m going to give him a ten for that one, but then so far he’s close to twenty because the man seems to know exactly how to move. When he started stroking me in time with his thrusts I just decided to stop thinking and let him show me all his moves. 

Four hours and five orgasms later I really couldn’t move, but I needed to get away before I did something really stupid. I mean, no guy likes to hear ‘I think I love you’, because you lost your virginity to him.

Sliding out of the bed while he was dead to the world, I looked at my ex boss and stole his shirt. Calling a cab, I started to think maybe Pittsburgh wasn’t the place Rocky, Regina, and I could stay, because I wasn’t kidding when I told him I was a stalker waiting to happen. I got a cab and walked into my house, falling on the bed, I was sleeping almost the minute my head hit a pillow. 

I woke up thinking my cats were overfed but then looked down to see hands, and following the arms holding me down I looked up to see Brian glaring at me. 

“How did you get in?” I mean he seems to be all ‘breaking and entering’ without making any noise.

“September likes me.” He smirks.

“I’m going to make your life miserable.” I warn him.

“Go to sleep, but tomorrow we talk.” He tells me. 

Part of me wanted to keep him up all night just because he seems so smug about this, but then I guess he should be, because all I did was lay on his chest and go back to sleep trying to figure how I managed to let him catch me. Tomorrow’s soon enough to figure it out, because right now I just couldn’t think with him surrounding me.

JUSTIN

You know when you do things just to see if you can annoy the other person? Well I've done as many as I could think up. Brian is kind of a neat freak so I started leaving things like receipts everywhere, in his loft, on his desk, and just randomly all over my house. Instead of say, giving me dirty looks or telling me to pick up after myself, he just read them and organized them in a folder by date. I threw clothes everywhere, only to have them sent to the cleaners and returned to my closet. Then I started following him everywhere, including the bathroom, which resulted in a few rounds, but it's like he's fine with it. So I tried the avoidance thing, only to have him show up as if I hadn't been avoiding him. So I guess you want to know why I'm the one acting like commitment is a crime. It's just that guys are great at first, but then it's like everything I do is wrong. So I figured I’d try out all the things that everyone bitches about me doing, then wait for the inevitable break up.

See, it was the morning after, and he was still there. It confused me. I got up and fed my cats then started cooking breakfast, wondering when he was going to tell me it was fun but see ya. He walked in and just started making toast and coffee. I side eyed him, because this was so unexpected. Then he tells me we were leaving early to hang with his son and the munchers. Then before we walk out the door for work, he like kisses me as if we weren't going to the same place. I kept expecting him to talk about whatever he said we would, but nothing. It left me really confused, so I grabbed my kitten slippers and got in the car. You know what his response was to my less than business attire, he smiled. Which is when I started trying to do anything that would get a reaction out of him. I'm just not used to people acting like my strangeness is okay.

I’d been sitting at my desk, on time, thanks to Mr Kinney, wondering if I should have a candy bar or go the whole healthy route and get a donut, when I see MM come charging in. I figured at least he could entertain me, since there was nothing to do today. I thought about sneaking behind him but really, he could have a guy with an ax about to chop his head off behind him, being near Brian seems to make him blind to everything else. Ted came out and then looked at me with that look of ‘here we go again’. When Lindsay comes through the door next looking like she was about to say, murder someone with an ax, Ted yanked me behind him heading in the direction of the other two.

“Justin what ever this is about, it would go easier if you were in the room. He tends not to take people's heads off when you're there.” He tells me.

“He’s way too nice.” I inform Ted, who looks at me like I just gave birth to the kittens on my feet.

Before we could get in the room there was an explosion, well not really, just that Lindsay and Michael started yelling at each other, not paying attention to where they were. Brian was doing the whole holding the bridge of his nose thing, which to me is adorable, but now I’m starting to see that maybe it’s what he does when he’s annoyed, which means score for me, because he seemed to do that a lot when I was leaving messes everywhere. It just seemed really sexy when he was doing it, so that might be why I missed it all those times. He looks over at me and I’ve learned that usually means ‘get your ass over here’ and well my ass kind of likes being in Brian range, go figure. Brian just leaned back in his chair and seems like he’s waiting for them to notice that they are in his office and not say, a boxing ring. Brian pulled me down on his lap and I started doodling on the pad he keeps there for me, which really, after only a couple weeks, it’s like he’s adding a little of me everywhere in his life.

The bickering twins continued to argue and well, when I see Brian I tend to tune out other people but if we wanted them out then maybe it was time to see why they needed to come here to fight. You want to know what it was about? Apparently Michael wasn’t thrilled that he overheard Mel and Lindsay talking about having another kid and that they were considering Brian again. Lindsay was angry because she and Mel wanted to be the ones who told Brian, not Michael. Michael seems to think that they were responsible for Brian doing this whole ‘adopt a trick’, which I’m only assuming is me, and that another kid would only be their way to get Brian to keep paying for Lindsay as if he was her husband. Which of course pisses Lindsay off, and off they go again. Looking back at Brian then to Ted, they both act like this wasn’t strange, which kind of makes sense, because Brian must like strange, because I’m still here.

“I have a business trip to Chicago this week.” He tells me, not paying any attention to the two in front of us, but I think it’s because they really didn’t care if he was listening, just that he was there.

“I need to spend time with my cats anyway.” I tell him, because I don’t want to scream ‘no, don’t go anywhere’.

“Can’t the girls come over and take care of them?” Brian asks me.

“Why? I mean if you want me to stay at the loft, I can just let Rocky and Regina come check out the digs.” I tell him, really not wanting to stay there alone with his smell. I’m still having to fight Regina for the shirt I kept.

“I mean, I would like it if my boyfriend came with me.” And then there was silence. I look up at MM and Lindsay.

Lindsay smiled at us, but MM just kept opening his mouth and then shaking his head like there was something he heard that he needed to unhear. I turn to Brian, confused at why the arguing stopped, then I replayed what he said in my head.

“Did you just call me your boyfriend?” I ask him, because really, he doesn’t ask for a date just assumes, and now he’s just throwing that word around like we agreed to it.

“NO, NO, NO…” MM starts pacing and stopping to say NO and pacing again. Lindsay sits in front of us just gleeful at MM’s not to happy reaction. Me, I’m still thinking Mr. Kinney needs to ask questions.

“You know you shouldn’t assume things.” I tell him, squirming when his hand slides up my thigh.

“Justin, you tend to do better when I do my caveman impression.” He tells me, licking my ear, and really, how am I supposed to protest when my toes are tingling.

“Justin just give in, when Brian wants something he gets it.” Lindsay adds loudly, then giggles when it sets MM off ranting that Brian Kinney doesn’t do love.

Emmett comes in the door and drags MM out, waving as he walks out with him. Telling Lindsay they need to talk about the gossip he just heard from Daphne, who was talking to Alexia, who ran into Blake, who heard from Ted, that Lindsay and Mel want another Kinney. Emmett yells to Brian that he’ll take me shopping before Chicago. I turn to look at Brian because how the hell did they all find out Brian was even thinking about this, but then I open his jacket and pull out the tickets that were bought YESTERDAY. Is there some reason he thinks asking me is really that hard?

“Because you’ll make me listen to all the reasons you need to stay home, and sorry but I’m just really cutting out the middleman on this.” He tells me, and I don’t even bother to ask if I said it out loud anymore.

BRIAN

Now, at first I really was going to sit Justin down and explain that I wanted to try the relationship thing with him. I just get the feeling that he does better when you don’t give him time to think about all the reasons not to do something. I expected him to rebel and he did, but instead of finding it a pain in the ass, I just learned to adapt. When he left receipts from all his trips to convenience stores and well, really anyplace, all over, I let my neat freak have a good time. I think the funniest thing is he hasn’t figured out that when the clothes go to the cleaners, he suddenly has an extra shirt that I thought he would like. Please, the following me everywhere, it meant walking into all sorts of interesting places and getting my twat naked, not that he seemed to mind.

Now when he tried the avoidance again, that was solved by my girl Daphne, who down loaded Justin’s GPS coordinates to my phone. So when he disappeared, my inner stalker switched on my Justin finder, then just showed up like it was normal to be where he was. Daphne finally clued me in on Justin and his fear of commitment. Apparently the quirks that are Justin start out endearing to the new dick head he dates, then became a problem for said dick head. Me, I've never really cared what other people think, so his quirks just make him the guy that I could lo… I’ll eventually be able to say it, but well, even I need a little time to adjust. I doubt he’s figured out I’ve got the squad on my side yet.

He's been strange about the loft, but looking at it, it screams player, so I added something to it, something that might give him a clue that I'm in this for more. Now I just need to get him to come to the loft tonight, because I saw something while shopping and well, it just screamed Justin to me, so it’s at my loft waiting for him. My condition is that if Justin wants it he has to come to the loft to see it, call it joint custody.

Of course, first I need to deal with the munchers thinking my sperm can be used at their discretion. I love Gus, but really if I was to plan on another one, it would be mine not theirs, possibly Justin’s too.

“Lindsay, the answer is no.” I tell her, but I already know she's not going to give up that easily.

“Brian, we want another one and this way they would be related.” She gives me her Wendy smile.

“Wait, you were serious about that?” Justin asks her.

“Brian is already Gus’s father, and since Mel wants to be the biological mother, I think having Brian be the father would be the best idea.” She tells us.

“I'm only an outside observer, but I got the idea that Mel isn't a big fan of Brian. Not that she seems to hate Brian, but since his swimmers would be going all down her womb highway, shouldn't she at least like the owner of said swimmers?” Justin asks her.

Lindsay looks at me and well, any part of me in Mel, is just a nightmare I don't need to imagine.  All I could see was her egg pulling out machine guns to kill anything that came from me trying to merge with her, and now I'm starting to sound like Justin.

“Why not come to dinner tonight, so we can convince you this is a good thing for Gus.” She tells me, leaving like it's just a matter of time before I give in.    

When it was time to go to dinner I giggle in glee, because instead, I run to Justin’s desk, throw him over my shoulder and put him in the car. It says a lot that he no longer protests, just accepts that this is his lot in life. Driving to the loft I just hope I don’t come home to a mess, but walking in, it’s the way I left it, with the exception of my present on the mat, next to the couch.

Justin walks straight to the cabinet grabbing the cookies he put there and doesn’t seem to notice Sunny. He walks right by her as she looks up at him. I walked over and picked her up and put her in my lap. Justin grabs her and holds her while talking as if he didn’t notice our baby.

“Can I ask a question?”

“Sure.” I pet Sunny waiting to see if it’s about Sunny, but nope. How he doesn’t seem to notice her will alway be a mystery.

“How come they came to your office to pick a fight with each other?” He asks me, scratching Sunny’s ears.

“It’s their way of making me deal with them.” I tell him waiting.

“Meow”

“Can I ask another question?” He looks down and then up at me, I just nod because really, it took him this long to notice. “Why is there a kitten here?” He says softly, cuddling with it.

“I thought I could give you a reason to spend more time here, because Sunny doesn’t live anywhere I don’t.” I tell him.

Justin sits there for a minute staring at the kitten then at me. “I’m still not your boyfriend.” He tells me, kissing me and then walking into the bedroom with Sunny. Really, like I haven’t already established that? But then with Justin you just have to keep telling him until he gets used to it.

JUSTIN

So, because my nature tends toward the ridiculous, I thought it was time to figure out MM. I couldn’t get a read on him. I mean, a guy cheats on you, why try to become someone you in no way could be? Brian wasn’t thrilled when I told him that I was going with Emmett to Babylon, but really, MM deserves someone to help him figure out that ‘stud’ doesn’t get absorbed through osmosis.

When we got here the first thing I realized is that dancing is not MM’s lot in life. 

“Honey, this is what comes with the Kinney school of dancing. For your BOYFRIEND (and really why does Emmett find it necessary to say that loud enough for everyone to turn and look at me?) just being on the floor was all it took for the guys to flock to him. So MM (I just love they all seem to want to use the name) who really doesn’t have Brian’s charisma, somehow thinks that’s how it’s done.” He tells me.

“The squad would so go all ‘Dancing with the Stars’ on this.” I tell him.

“I know, but Baby, your squad are Team Brian, so MM really just get’s on their nerves.” He tells me.

I scowl as once again some guy hits on Brian. I mean, don’t they see I brought our daughter with me and this could hurt her mental development if I go all crazy babymama on the assholes who seem to think he’s free game. At first Emmett was kind of leery of me bringing Sunny with me, but she’s too young to stay by herself. Rocky and Regina are still having a few jealousy issues with Sunny, but that’s natural when a new baby comes, right? Plus I’m meeting all sorts of nice people who really seem to want to pet my baby on my lap. I just wish Brian would quit scowling every time they reach down to give Sunny love. 

I smile when I see Daphne and the squad come in, but then get confused when I see Deb, Mel, and Lindsay following behind them. I was just glad my ass was out of spanking range for Deb, she seems to think ‘if it’s there, spank it’. I think maybe her and Carl must have some serious S&M going on and God why did I just think that? I turn and see MM taking off his shirt and really no, just no. 

“Has anyone told him that that scruff on his chest is just not attractive?” Daphne grabs Sunny.

“Honey, I’ve tried but he’s my son.” Deb tells her.

“Maybe introduce him to like a spa day?” September tells us.

“Girl we tried, but the minute he saw wax, he ran like a gay man escaping a lesbian orgy.” Emmett tells her and gets a smack from Mel.

“Why are we here again? Because Justin, there is just no helping that.” Marie tells me as we all stare at Michael.

What do we see but MM jumping on the bar trying to shake his ass at a guy who is way out of his league. Brian of course nods to the bouncers he has on either side of me to get him down. Ted was hovering with Blake around Brian to keep him out of muncher range. I figured out that if they think Brian’s alone, they attack. Well at least Lindsay does, which really begs the question why would someone pick a father for your child that your spouse barely tolerates? But then I think that Mel and Brian fight just because Lindsay likes it. 

Which once again raises the question of why did my HBF bring Brian’s LBF and surrogate Mom with her?

“Justin, we needed more women because you men are starting to outnumber the squad.” She tells me.

“So once again this is so you girls can out vote us boys?” I ask her.

“Of course, because us girls are more mature than you boys.” She really had to look at MM as if he’s the example for the rest of us.

I grab Sunny, because no way are they poisoning my girl with their estrogen, and smile when the guys surround me to give Sunny some attention. Which gets Brian to glare, but really he needs to realize that socialization is good for babies. 

When I get up to go to the restroom, I roll my eyes when Brian takes Sunny away. I was going to make sure she didn’t see anything that wouldn’t traumatize her. I scoot sideway around Deb because I can see that spanking hand twitching. I really think she should be spanking her son’s ass for not understanding that it’s just not sexy to lick a pole people slide their asses down. He sees me, then smirks as he whispers something to a guy standing near the stage. Then I see that guy turn to another and it's like watching a cell divide as each additional person whispers to another and another. Nearing the bathroom, a guy grabs me and whispers “First guy to get Kinney in the backroom, wins” then turns to tell another guy.

I walk in a stall and really have to wonder why I thought MM was worth the time. Before I could shut the door, Brian came in and locked us in. He had that ‘bend over’ look, which no matter how hard I try I haven't been able to say no to. I was saved, which I no longer see that way when there's sex to had, by a bunch of bitching queens.

“Honey, if anyone is gonna get some Kinney, it's not one of you trolls.” We hear.

“Did I miss something?” Brian whispers, licking my ear.

“Like he'd want your ass when he could gave this.” I hear a slap, which could compete with Deb’s.  

Of course I needed to see said ass, because sorry, but my vanity just needed to compare. Standing on the toilet I look over the top of the stall, then look down as Brian starts pulling my zipper down.

“Did you see the twink, he's looks like a teenager, and he brought a kitten here.” 

“Kinney could do so much better.”

Really I would have commented, but I was a bit busy biting my lip when Brian took me in his mouth. Take that bitches… well no, I'll take it happily. Grabbing the top of the stall because it's just not sexy to fall in the toilet, I look out at the guys who haven't noticed me and smirk as they continue to talk trash about me. MM came in as Brian, who really must have been a boy scout enters me with his fingers.

“I guess it's time for the rules and what the winner gets.” MM announces.

“Honey, knowing that I'll get the ‘Stud’ is all I care about. I heard he's nine and will make you feel like he's been there all week.”

Brian scowls and really, why does anyone being wrong by the extra half an inch bother him? 

“Hang on.” Brian whispers as he gets a condom and puts it on. 

So hanging on I kind of forgot the bets being made and enjoyed him sliding into me. His upper arm strength is just AMAZING. 

“For the winner, I will give the key to the infamous loft…” MM stops when I'm sure I could have screamed harder.

Then I just didn’t care, because Brian angles himself just right. So concentrating on reaching my orgasm seemed rather important at that moment, and yes, reach it I did, moaning Brian’s name as loud as possible. When Brian finished, I hopped down, praying I wouldn’t fall on my face, but into Brian’s sweat soaked chest would do. I waited for my legs to cooperate and opened the stall to my audience.

MM stood open mouthed as I trotted over and plucked the key out of his hand. I turned and looked at ‘My Ass is Better’, and it wasn't. Smiling as Brian smacked MM in the head and dragged my smirking ‘much better ass’ out the door.

BRIAN 

Handing Sunny off to Ted, I followed behind the twat. Does he not realize the kinds of perverts that fill my club? Seriously, one more jackass comes up to pet Justin and I'm not responsible for the carnage.

Following him, I noticed a guy whispering in his ear but then he just turns around and walks off. So I follow Justin, because those pants need to come off. It wasn’t until I was attempting to get Justin’s pants off that I hear guys talking about me, but the only thing I care about is the ass in this stall. Listening to them talk about Justin did not distract me from my goal. He seemed get a bit offended about someone saying something about his ass being better. But then, how the hell did I lose half an inch? Fuck them, no, better yet fuck Justin. 

Justin took off after a short breather and I watch as he snatches the key to my loft out of MM’s hand and stare down a guy who could compete with pancakes for flat asses. I glare at Mikey, because he and I are going to have a talk about where that key came from. When the guys seem way too interested in my twat, who seemed to be just too happy, I dragged him out and sat my ass down, pulling him onto my lap at the bar. 

“Brian, have you heard what’s going on?” Emmett comes up looking worried, until Justin hands him a key. “What’s this Baby?” He ask Justin.

“I won.” Justin smirks at Mikey standing in front of us, arms crossed.

“No you didn’t, because the object of the bet was to get him away from you.” Mikey sneers, trying to reach for my key.

“Mikey, touch that key and you might want to move back to Portland.” I warn, grabbing it and putting it in Justin’s pocket. “Where did you get this key?” I ask him.

“It’s my key, the one you gave me and I need it back. The winner is the guy who gets you in the backroom.” He tells me.

“Well, I’d take Brian to the backroom but he seems to have this thing about my ass being seen by the masses, so sorry, but no ‘Brian Penis Sighting’ for you tonight.” Justin tells him.

“Brian, are you really going to have everyone thinking you're settling for a twink when there are so many better options out here?” He asks me, while Justin giggles. “You won’t be laughing when he gets tired of your ass.” Mikey tells him, which seems to make Justin laugh even harder. “What the fuck is so funny?” Mikey asks, not liking that Justin isn’t taking him seriously.

I think Mikey figured it out when Ma grabbed him by the ear. Deb had been walking up to us when Emmett must have told her what Mikey’s been up too. We watched as she dragged him out while he screamed that she couldn’t treat him like this anymore. Deb stopped when the Squad all yelled Deb got a 10 for technique. My twat got our baby back and followed behind Deb, which as usual means I follow my twink. 

JUSTIN

Rocky swatted his mouse at Regina, they were both being assholes to Sunny.  My squad and I have some talking to do, because when I came to the loft to drop off Sunny, there sat Regina and Rocky, not looking too happy that Sunny had more toys. I shrugged at them because it’s Brian’s fault not mine, all I got was the old one eye and a swish of the tail.

Brian was busy yelling over the phone about the KEY. I couldn’t say much because my squad swiped mine and made copies the first day I moved here. Something about not wanting to find my face eaten off because I died without any of them knowing. Really I didn’t need that visual, because I checked, and yeah it’s a possibility.

Regina, Rocky, Sunny, and I watched as Brian explained in detail how he felt about MM’s idea of the use of an ‘emergency’ key. Which was kind of funny when Lindsay opened the door with her ‘emergency’ key. Oh my God, she brought reinforcements in the baby quest. Gus really didn’t look like he wanted to be here.

“Hello Justin, I guess Brian’s still not happy with Michael.” She tells me.

“Yes, apparently he was trying to teach MM the difference between using his emergency key willy nilly and using it appropriately.” I tell her, although I don’t think she caught my hint. Do they not understand that naked time is being interrupted by people who can’t understand the word EMERGENCY.

“Michael has always taken advantage of his key.” She tells me, which leads me to believe that maybe the bleach she used to get the blond hair might have stayed in too long, or soaked in too deep.

“So what emergency brings you here?” I ask, after a very hostile Brian slams the bathroom door shut.

“Gus wanted to see Brian, and well, I just thought it was a good time. You two aren’t doing anything, right?” She smiles. Well no, we aren’t, but it could be because LBF has turned into a CBLBF. Maybe that’s the plan, make it impossible for Brian to use his sperm, unless it’s for her. Yuck, I really didn't need that visual either.

Brian comes out and scowls when he sees Lindsay sitting there. Which she obviously misinterpreted as him being thrilled to see her. Gus scoots closer to me as Brian asks Lindsay to come to the bedroom to talk, which really lowers the volume.

Gus and I were both trying to contain the giggles when Brian asked how many ways he could say no to her. I think Brian needs a lesson in WASP 101. You say no, they hear ‘just keep asking until your victim says yes’. Lindsay started again about how Brian was everything they wanted for their child, I look at Gus and yeah, he got the goods from Brian.

When the door opened again, I really had to wonder if there is like a sign outside this building that says, ‘Ignore the locks, the look of ‘get the fuck out’, and come right up, invaders are always welcome.’ Well I couldn’t say no to the cookies, they were still warm and gooey. Mel came and sat down with us on the floor and Rocky, the traitor, crawls on her lap.

“So has she gotten to how Brian is everything you could want for a father?” She asks us.

“Yeah, you missed that one.” I tell her, going to get some milk.

“What about how great it was to have Gus?” She asks me, high fiving Gus.

“Your kind of late for that one too.” I tell her.

“Brian, think of Gus, what if he needed life saving blood.” She tells him.

“Um, does Gus have some exotic blood type?” I ask because it could be argued if he does.

“O.” Gus tells me, chasing Regina to the other side of the loft.

“I think it’s more that Brian won’t fall for the same shit as last time.” She tells me.

“Why aren’t you in there trying to sperm dive.” I ask her, and really I only said it to see if she’d cringe, which she did, and did a full body shake, come on it’s not that bad. Well I don't think so, but lesbian usually means ‘avoid the sperm’.

“Brian and I already agreed we weren't birthing the antichrist. We both know that with our control issues, we'd be in trouble if our DNA mixed.” She tells me.

“Is there some reason you're not stopping her?” I ask, a little confused. Oh hell, a whole lot confused.

“You mean stop Lindsay from irritating Brian, you do get that we like pissing off each other?” She asks me.

“You and Lindsay like to irritate each other?” I asked, because why would that be fun? I mean, my past relationships sucked a twenty on the scale of ten, but mostly because individuality tends to make men cranky.

“Please, Lindsay can’t argue to save her life, it's all ‘But Mel, I didn’t mean to say anything to upset you’ then she goes and makes tofu chicken. Brian’s like the only worthy opponent in this group.” She tells me, grabbing my non vegan meat lovers pizza from the fridge.

“You know that has like real meaty goodness?” I ask, not really caring, but you know I was saving that for later. Her answer was to take a huge bite. I'm starting to think Mel is a secret meat lover. Here's the thing, when you moan like that it should be for so many other reasons, not pepperoni.

I sat watching Mel devour MY PIZZA, and decided to control the lesbian. It's just that no gay man likes moaning that sounds rather like, I don't know, a woman. Snatching the box I realized there was only one place it was safe, my house. I grabbed my cats and slid a slice for Gus out, because it's just wrong for him to suffer the nightmare that is vegan, and trotted my giggling ass home.

And I should have just stayed, because I walk into a screaming MM. Not the way you probably think, oh no, apparently Deb and the girls with the help of Drew, to hold him down, and Emmett to heat some wax, decided to makeover MM. How did this turn into them doing it here is anyone's guess. At this point I figure Mel could use the entertainment, so I call, because she'd probably enjoy inflicting some pain. What I didn’t count on was Lindsay is really the pain giver in this relationship.

Here's the thing, I watched this infomercial once where they tried to convince the morons that were watching it doesn't hurt, and let me tell you, this moron will never try to artistically wax that area again. Brian winced when they turned a crying MM over. September was getting rid of the scruff, pretending to be chest hair, but LBF seemed to think it needed extra hot wax. Mel even started to look a little worried and she should be, because LBF was just enjoying the muffled cries of pain a little too much. Did I mention they like stuffed a sock in MM’s mouth? Which apparently was Deb’s idea, and looking at her sockless sneakers, I decided the less I know the better.

So Daphne, who really doesn’t understand MY Pizza, grabs a slice and starts to explain how MM landed his ass in this predicament.

“After he got reamed, in not the way he professes to like, by Brian, he went to Emmett and Drew’s, where we were all hanging out, and started running his mouth. Saying that Emmett, Brian, and Ted became dickless fags, because you know, they can’t compete with MM in the stud department. When that didn’t seem to get a reaction out of any of us, he hit on Drew, to prove MM has it. Which pissed off Emmett and Deb, who decided that they needed to help MM have it. Hence Emmett’s idea of getting rid of all offending things MM.” She tell us.

“How did that end up here and not, say, at Emmett’s?” I ask, because I get them wanting to get rid of the unibrow, but why here?

“Oh, well we were going to test this wax and I kind of dropped it off in your bathroom.” She tells me, trying to get away.

“I am not your test dummy.” I tell her, but then it doesn’t hold a lot of weight when they’ve dressed me in things that I will never live down.

“Justin, I’m sure Brian would love what we had in mind.” She tells me, trying not to snicker when LBF yanks the strip hard. Even I whimpered, because that strip was from down south. I looked at the men in the room and yeah boys, don’t ever piss off women, they make sure it hurts.

“Justin is smooth in all the right places and you will not change the places that aren’t.” Brian warns them, and right then I decided to give Brian a few hundred blow jobs for that.

When they started looking through my closet for clothes, I had to get out the boob house slippers that I would never wear, but the girls thought would be cute, so not.

Then I notice a box with a card. Brian was staring at the boobs, looking very disappointed that I had them, but you know when someone gives you a gift you hate, you just find a place where they can still see the gift. I open the box and turn to Brian who grabs my boobs and throws them at Emmett. Me, I decided that Mr Kinney can buy me presents all he wants.

Brian closes the door, and hey if they want to stay, they stay on the other side of the door. Which never works when MM escapes the mad scientists outside. He runs through the door with my cats following the boobs that are kind of jiggling and you know if it moves they tend to want to paw at it. Of course they have to catch MM who doesn’t watch enough horror movies, you don’t go into a room with no escape, because the psycho’s will catch you. I watch, as for once, the squad runs in after someone other than me. I was too busy petting my duckies, while Brian was busy rearranging me on his lap and yes that is not a banana in his pocket. I wiggle until I get comfortable. I was just thinking that maybe if I just wiggle enough I could help a brother out, you know. Which would have been great if I didn’t look up to see Mom standing there. Why is it you suddenly feel like a naughty two year old when your mom gives you the mom stare?

“So are you Justin’s new boyfriend?” Mom asks, ignoring the girly screams for us to save MM from everyone.

When I announce that I didn’t have a boyfriend, my soon to be ex tells my mother, who has been salivating at the chance for a son-in-law, ‘Yes, Mother Taylor, I certainly am.”  

I picked up Elmer and Fred (Yes I already named the duckies) and turned to Brian. “Enjoy all the mother of the groom magazines she’s about to subscribe you too.” I tell him, then did my duty and kissed my mom, telling her that Brian really likes ruffles. Take that, Mr Kinney.

BRIAN

Mother Taylor is like Deb, only more refined. Which just made the two of them join forces in my capture of Justin. So I explained how he seems to like the sex but then tends to shy away from anything more. Which didn't even cause Mother Taylor to cringe, which was really strange. So it really just helped my cause when the squad and the moms joined forces. I will also kiss the ground Mother Taylor walks on for pulling Lindsay to the side and explaining that me saying NO was not a jumping off point to achieving a yes. How did this woman have such a flighty son? But then I really like Justin’s absurdity, so go Mom. 

“Lindsay Dear, you really should pick someone your partner wants, not who you think would be a good father. I’m sure Brian is a wonderful father, but even I see that neither one of them want the other to be the parent of their next child. Deb and I have to wonder what you were thinking.” Jen tells her. I’m slightly worried that Deb and Jen seem to have made friends that fast.

“It’s just, Brian is the man who I can see being the father to my children.” Lindsay is a lesbian, but there are days when I really wonder about that. 

“Brian, you’re gay, not, what’s that term Deb?” Shit it’s like watching twins when she and Deb start to talk. 

“Some people call it bi-curious, but I just call it open to all.” Deb tells her with authority.

“I’m one hundred percent playing for Justin.” I say, figuring we should get that out of the way.

“So see, he’s never going to be the WASP alternative family of your dreams.” Jen says it so nicely, but well, it’s the truth.

“Lindsay, no amount of campaigning for sperm is going to change the fact that Brian and I would produce the ultimate control freak.” Mel tells her, but you know I don’t think that’s the way to win, Lindsay likes control freaks. Exhibits A and B sitting in the room.

“Brian, it’s not like we expect anything more from you than you already do for Gus.” She pleads, and I look up to see Justin staring at her like he’s trying to figure her out. I almost went over when the hairless Mikey stood next to Justin and they start talking quietly to each other.

“Lindsay, let go of the image in your head, Brian WILL NOT be helping you this time, he's busy with my son. I'm sure there are other candidates who would gladly give you a donation.” Jen tells her. Which part of me wants to argue that no one tells me what to do, but well, she's just helping me, so I just play dutiful son-in-law, in training, for her. 

All I can say is the WASP Laser Beam was aimed at Drew, so, win. 

JUSTIN

I’ll admit that I hid in my office, praying that my mom wouldn’t show up to tell me that Brian was just her dream son-in-law. My mom has spent way too much time becoming ‘Gay Mother of the Year’. It wasn’t until I realized that she and Deb started talking that I knew I needed to control the situation. The last thing I needed is Spanking Deb and Gay Protector Mom joining forces. I mean I think what Brian and I have works, without all the messy things that come from a relationship. 

But as usual, my mom decides to deal with all the things that could make her quest for son-in-law an obstacle. Someone else taking the possible grandchild’s sperm is not it. Well unless, it’s like a surrogate situation, which I only know because she sends me all sorts of pamphlets for me to see what I need to do to get her a grandchild. It’s like the minute the kids grow up and leave the Mom gene screams grandchildren. Why isn’t she after Molly for this? She’d be able to give my mom grandchildren without all the research. I managed to tune in when Lindsay proves that she’s persistent despite no one siding with her quest.

MM, who at least kept the hair on his head, stands next to me eating. I look at my empty pizza box and well, I think after the all body wax and the rainbow colored nails, he deserves it. I silently mourn my losses, because I can order one when they all leave my house. Which really needs to be soon, I mean how do I keep my hermit card when people keep dragging me out of my humble abode and why haven't I kicked everyone out?  Okay, it could be because I’m kind of hoping Brian can help me out, the whole lap dancing just revved me up and I NEED him to finish what he started.

“She’s always trying to get Brian to do things, and most of the time she gets her way.” MM tells me quietly, which really, for him is an accomplishment.

“How does Mel put up with her worship of all things Brian?” I ask, because sorry, I don’t get how that works.

“I used to think that Mel kind of had a thing for Brian, you know like when you're a kid and you pull the hair of the person you like, so they pay attention? Now I just think it gives Mel a way to argue with Brian and not seem like she gets along with him, which would drive Lindsay completely nuts. Lindsay seems to like that they fight.” He tells me, and yeah, I had that theory too.

“Hey, you have anything else to eat?” MM asks when the box came up empty.

“I have four girls who come to my house all the time, what do you think?” I ask him, following him to my refrigerator which had way too much healthy shit in it. 

“We could go eat at the diner?” He suggests, and really, somehow MM and I getting along just never seemed to be a possibility, but then it’s really about finding food.

“Why are you being all nice now?” I ask, because really he's more fun when he's MM.

“Dude after all the running, I'm kind of hungry, you're like the only one who doesn't try to save your arteries. Every time I take one of the gang out to eat with me, they all seem to think in order to achieve this great body, I need to eat rabbit food.” I send a prayer of thanks for MM’s continued delusions of grandeur. It just messes up the whole dynamic when he acts normal.

I check to see how Mommy is doing with the LBF and I can see she's making headway, because LBF is now looking at Drew, as if his sperm could do the trick. Poor Emmett hasn't seen the tidal wave headed at him. Brian's smirk at Emmett tells me he's caught on.

I grab Sunny, because Regina and Rocky are still playing jealous siblings. I grab the tuna steak, so they don't feel like I'm playing favorites. Also because I have no idea where it came from, to me the can is fine, but it seems Mr Kinney has to have the real thing. I should have just thrown it in their bowls but like the wonderful dad I try to be, I cut it up to make it easier. MM looks at me like I'm the one with the problem, but he really needs to remember who just lost everything south of the Mason- Dixon line, but then I have to wonder why anyone wanted to see MM’s goodies. So it really calls into question who the crazy people really are, at least in my head.

MM and I start to head out the backdoor, but really, next time I just open the can because it’s like they all exploded into my kitchen. Deb grabs MM and sits him at the table and I slid into a seat because no way is that hand coming near me. Brian pulls me up and sits me down on his lap, which really, he thinks this is going to stop my mom, all it does is make her smile bigger.

“You do realize that my mother is going to be a nightmare.” I warn Brian because really, she’s got the gleam. The one that says I’m going to make sure my son has a ring on his finger.

“If it makes you realize you’ve been in a relationship with me, then go Mom.” Asshole, can’t he just say booty call, because my mom is visualizing matching Armani in her head. Which is the only way she’s going to see it on my ass.

“Relationships require both parties acknowledging it, and I refuse to, since I’ve never been asked on a date, or well, anything your mind comes up with.” I state with conviction.

“He’s right you know, asking a guy on a date or at least asking him anything would get you further along.” MM tells him, which once again is killing MM’s asshole points. “But then again it’s not like you’ll give a shit when a better ass comes along.” MM is back.

All conversations stop when Emmett starts shreking like a madman. 

“Twenty on Emmett figuring out why Lindsay gave up on Brian.” Deb tells us.

Like anyone was going to take that bet, we all like to keep our money. Emmett comes in, dragging Drew behind him. He stops when he sees all of us attempting to keep a straight face. 

“NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE, GETS HIS LIFE GIVERS.” Emmett yells loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear.

When Lindsay comes in, I really wanted to tell everyone my kitchen isn’t big enough for the whole of Liberty Avenue to be in. I mean they all packed in around the walls and counters. I drew the line when September looked at me like I should give her time in Brian’s lap. I pointed to the squad against one wall, which she stuck her tongue out at me for, but made her way to squeeze into my already overflowing kitchen. They really need to find dates if this is their excitement, but then I don’t have room to talk because I wanted to see who won, the Queen or the WASP.

“Emmett, Drew and Mel could make such beautiful kids. Think about it, we could have a princess to dress.” Lindsay really thinks that’s why Emmett would want a kid. I pick up Sunny, because the squad started looking at her like dressing her would be cute. 

“You might want to hide Sunny when the girls visit.” I tell Brian.

“NO.” Brian tells them, and I hate him because they just all nod in unison. I have never gotten them to stand down when they want something and all he has to say is ‘NO’, it’s just completely unfair.

“I don’t care, because Drew’s sperm isn’t entering anything that I don’t approve of.” Emmett tells them. I almost asked if there was some other place than Emmett approves of that Drew could make a deposit in, but decide against entering the fray. 

“Before this goes any further, I’d like to suggest doing this somewhere else.” Mom tells them.

“Jen is right, how about if we all go to Brian’s loft? That way I can put Gus to bed.” Lindsay tells everyone. I get up and start to wonder where the tyke was, I saw him come in but then he kind of got lost in the madness. 

Brian follows me as we start searching the house. I think it was then that everyone realized they forgot Gus. It’s a strong argument that Lindsay should worry about the kid she has before trying to make another one. We found him curled up on my bed with my duckies. Brian pulled the blanket over him and I got to see how much he loved his son. 

At that point, I decided that although my booty call would need to be postponed, that it was time to get the party out of my house. Well maybe we could work in the booty call, but only if Brian learned to be quiet.

“I’m not the screamer in this relationship.” He tells me, and for once I was more concerned that I once again said it out loud than the word he keeps using.

BRIAN 

“Look I honestly don't mind, and if you could see your way clear to blow me, you can stay under my desk all day.” I tell Justin, who for some reason is sitting under my desk.

“I'm officially cutting you off, you let them take me.” He tells me, ducking back under my desk. Which with the open sides just defeats his purpose. Really, he had to bring his cats too?

“Justin, Mother Taylor just wanted her baby to have footwear. She really begged, and well, I couldn’t let her be all sad.” I know I’m laying it on thick, but if it gets his mouth to working where I need it, then I'll pave all of Pittsburgh.

“That’s such a sweet thing for an idiot to do, but you realize Mom started looking for shirts for you. Apparently she and Deb decided you need more color in your life. Enjoy the rainbow wear.” He tells me, depositing Sunny in my lap when Regina started to look pissy, and really, that I can tell that just tells you how much time I’ve spent trying to get this relationship off the ground. Wait, did he say rainbow wear? Time to reign Deb in.

Michael comes stomping in, slumping in a chair, he looks under the desk. “Hey Justin, if I’d known you were in here I’d have brought the triple meat cheese steak here instead of to your office. Finish blowing Brian, so I can talk to him.” Justin always gets slightly confused when Michael does something nice, but usually, like now, he reverts back to ‘MM Mode’ which had Justin okay again.

“I’m hiding from the enemy right now, so trot your ass to my desk and get my sandwich.” Justin tells him and at first I think he growls, but no, Sunny suddenly has a spine, and claws.

“I know it’s up for debate whether or not I’m using my balls today, but if Sunny’s claws sink any further, I’m cutting you off.” I tell him.  Justin snatches Sunny and then seems to think I need petting. After I give him the glare, he unzips and rubs me all kinds of ways. I look up to see Michael standing there with what has to be at least sixteen inches… of sandwich.

“I swear, I need to get me one of those desks.” Michael is a dead man, because Justin removes the wonderful hand and slinks to the other side to reach for the sandwich. Hopefully he’ll be in a better mood when fed.

“Michael you ruined the chance to see us in action, so can you tell me why you're here?” I learned not to ask but tell Michael things, or we’d be here for hours trying to get what he wants out.

“Ma wants to have a dinner at the house for your twink’s mother and is inviting some guy Jen thought I should meet. Ma just won’t listen that I’m so not into love and relationships, so I figured you and the guy could skip dinner and come with me. I heard there’s a white party at a local hotel.” He raises his eyebrows which only makes it look like he’s constipated. I look under my desk at Justin who grabbed my thigh. 

“MM’s like a party killer waiting to happen, can we go and bring the girls, it could be a new experience for them to get there before MM ruins it.” He tells me.

“I make a party, not ruin it.” MM sneers, but Mother Michael takes over. “Justin don't hoover it, you'll choke.” Then he gets up and grabs the soda Justin started storing there. The polite ‘thank you’ just kills me when he's still under my desk, and not for any good reason. 

“I just don't want to waste my time on some college professor when there are plenty of men out there.” Really, the slouching just makes Michael look like a ten year old. Somehow Michael managed to get Justin out, because he jumped in a chair all excited.

“Benny’s coming?” Justin asks, just short of bouncing in his chair. I'm starting to think I don't like Benny.

“Who?” MM sneers, which really never worked for him and still doesn’t.

“Benny, he’s like my first stalker crush, he was like the hunk of the campus. He’s kind of all teachy, but well, in the interest of our non relationship, I was kind of the student who had to ask questions after class. Although he really thought that was why I was there, but now I’m not like his student… which doesn’t matter because I’m committed to the non relationship.” Justin tells us, but I think Mom and I need to have a talk about the competition she’s brought to Pittsburgh.

“I have no problem taking him for a spin on the MM express… Fuck, I meant the Mikey express.” Justin smirks because he managed to get Mikey to slip up and call himself MM. “Just don’t be jealous when my moves work, BW.” Mikey has been trying, but no one is willing to hurt Justin’s feeling by calling him Boy Wonder. Justin told me it just shows how little originality points MM gets that he can’t get anyone to follow his lead.

Mikey leaves, letting me know we need to check out the hunk, and I glare when Justin is just too happy about this. 

JUSTIN

I can’t believe Mom got Benny to come, but then he’ll probably still act like I’m a child, I’m not really. I look up to see Brian glaring and I tilted my head and realized that Brian really is better looking and well exciting, and doesn’t seem to wince at anything I do. Benny is like the anti-Brian, he’s like all serious and shit, I’ll admit boring, it was all I could do to stay awake in his class most days. He also tends to be attracted to like total trolls, who act like assholes because they managed to land the hunky professor. Why he always seemed surprised that said troll turned into asshole troll, has always puzzled all the kids on campus. 

“He’ll probably be all over MM.” I pout, but then I realize I have a hunky guy to make the professor realize I could land hotness. I overheard him and one of the troll boys saying that no one would date a guy that can’t even get out of sleepwear in the morning, and okay it was troll boy, but Benny really didn’t contradict it. 

“Why would I even care? I mean you're like way hotter and don’t let anyone say shitty things about me. You even bought me Duckies, which makes you way better than a teacher who got me addicted to ‘Stay Awake’ because his speeches were in no way exciting, you know, like you are.” I tell him. Brian seems to be happier, but I think it’s because Regina and Rocky are cleaning Sunny. I pick up Sunny, because she’s just really too young for Rocky to be cleaning that area.

Brian offered to take my mother with us to Deb’s, I hope he’s seeing the spring catalogue for mens wear in her purse, it’s the wedding edition. I tried to grab it and throw it away but Mom shifted the bottomless purse and it slipped all the way into the ‘tunnel of lost items’. I think she actually has like all my teeth, after I lost them, she isn’t a psycho, somewhere in that purse.

I’ve been texting Emmett about all things Ben, we agreed to share any news and really, Emmett’s texts are way less porno than my not boyfriend’s. Although lately it’s about how to muzzle a lesbian, Emmett’s come up with close to fifty ways. 

My mom was giving me the ‘do not hit on your teacher look’ and I point at Brian. Like I’m stupid enough to give that up for a man who barely noticed me. Which only leads to her asking Brian if he likes the new Armani line. I crossed my kitten slipper and refrained from ‘I told you so.” 

The minute we pull up, Mom runs up like she didn’t just spend half the day with Deb. MM walks up wearing what was so like, sixties player. The shirt was at least a button up, but the polyester seems to be offending Brian. The chains and boat shoes just complete the look. Maybe MM should have clued in when Carl mentioned wearing an outfit like MM’s for a Halloween party and I think I’m right because Deb smacked Carl’s ass, and sorry but it hurt to hear, although Carl was all smiles.(S&M is for all ages)  I follow Carl in because I want to see if he’s mastered the art of sitting after Spanking Deb attacks. He starts looking at the kitchen chair and I grab a small pillow which he gratefully accepts and gingerly sit down. Only, unlike me he was still smiling about it.

Brian drags me to the couch to wait with all the others for the guest of honor, or unsuspecting victim, in the MM set up game. When he arrives it was almost embarrassing that I was having a hard time remembering what made him so special in my eyes. I mean, he’s got the goods, but it’s wrapped in boring. I look at Brian who smirks when Ben comes in.

“Hey Ben, long time no see, Miami right?” Brian tells him. NO, NOT MY TEACHER.

BRIAN 

I swear, one sentence and Justin just seems to know. He sat there like he'd gone into shock. When Deb yells for us to sit down, Justin is suddenly all over me. Not that I mind, but I kind of expected him to run. Mikey of the polyester nightmare, ran up to his old room, and came down dressed in jeans I could swear I met him wearing when we were fourteen. I knew it when he had to work at sitting down. Justin tilted his head to look at Mikey’s ass, but then smiled. 

“Mine’s better.” He whispers, almost crawling on my lap.

“Justin sit in your chair.” Mom, it's really fine, leave Justin right where he is, but alas, he listened.

“So you guys know each other?” Emmett just couldn’t leave it alone, but hey, Justin the monkey is back.

“It was a lost weekend, just fun, since someone never called me again.” Ben tells us, and I didn't call because it defeats the purpose of lost weekends. 

“Brian never really bothers past getting off.” Mikey so helpfully adds, and did he just bat his eyes at the professor? 

“Well I'm in town, maybe we could catch up.” Ben tells me, and you know the hand job Justin’s trying to perform behind his back, just doesn't make Ben’s bad flirting seem as bad.

“Brian's busy with his BOYFRIEND, but I'm available.” Mikey tells him, and you know you raise them, but you just can't make them learn the art of pickup.

“JUSTIN?” Ben looks at me as if it's hard to believe, which, the fact I can cum while pissed at the way he looked at Justin, AMAZING.

“I figured if I was going to do a relationship, it might as well be with someone who would put me to sleep.” I tell him, because he will not insult Justin.

“I'm just surprised you're going for well, not the type you went for.” Ben tells me.

“When I tricked I went for anyone who I could never see getting past one night, you know, like you.” I tell him. 

“Brian can we get to know Ben?” Mikey scowls at me. Justin leaning back to suck my tongue, just made me happy, so let the asshole bore us.

“Sure, when there’s something I care to know about him.” I tell him.

“So Ben, you’re a college professor?” Mel asks, but I can tell she’s just hoping to get Ben to stop.

“Yes, and I write too.” Ben told her.

“Wow, I’d love to read anything you wrote.” Mikey and a book without pictures, never gonna happen.

“I could loan you the book, since Ben made it required reading. I guess someone needed to buy the book.” Justin has claws.

“I just felt that you could read something with substance.” Ben tells him.

“Brian you should read it, you drink enough coffee.” Justin kisses my ear.

“It might have been too hard for a college student to follow, but I’m sure I could enjoy it.” Mikey tells Ben.

“I find that Justin’s generation tends to be into things like superheroes, and not real people with real struggles.” Ben tells us. Poor Mikey and the Captain Astro shirt.

“Your book was unrealistic, you seemed to want your characters to all be perfect. In real life, people are flawed and really, by the end I couldn’t really see any growth, it was like they back peddled into the roles they started in, so the journey you seemed to want to portray ended up giving the overall feel that you were just filling pages. How could you call it real when a guy starts out on a cliff, trying to figure out how to have meaning in his life, and at the end just acts like the whole journey didn’t teach him anything? I mean you're sitting there saying that I couldn’t understand, but it’s hard to understand when you didn’t really grow your characters.” Justin tells him, and I know even I was kind of staring. I look at Mom and she doesn’t seem very surprised at his speech.

“Wow Baby, that was really insightful.” Emmett was even at a loss for words.

“I figured if I had to read the crap, I would at least try to understand it.” Justin tells Ben.

“I just found out Justin was dating Brian. I was hoping that Brian and Justin wouldn't mind but I want to throw a party for them.” Jen tells us, but I think she got that her son wasn’t thrilled with her guest, so distract she did.

“Wow that would be fun, I could bring Ben.” Mikey tells everyone.

“Hey MM, love the Captain Astro shirt.” Justin tells him. 

Emmett pulls Justin away before he has a chance to entertain us some more. Really, did he forget Lindsay, the sperm hunting lesbian, yep, because she practically throws herself in the chair next to Drew. Drew told me that if he didn't love Emmett he'd have moved to another planet by now. I'm just happy it's him and not me.

JUSTIN 

At first I was a little bit, possibly a lot upset, but when Ben gave Brian the look, I was over it. I didn’t achieve my non relationship to have Ben ruin it. The part that bothered me was that Ben seems to really hate me for some reason. 

“Are you really jealous?” Emmett asks, laughing. 

“No, well a little, but only because Ben acted like it didn't matter that Brian and I are together.” I tell him. “What?” I ask, when he stares at me.

“Baby, you do know that you’ve done the one thing that no one else ever accomplished, don’t you?” He asks me. 

“What?” I ask him.

“Brian Kinney, chasing a relationship. It’s something we never thought he’d do. The guys on Liberty Avenue are in awe of the Twink that tamed the Stud. A few guys have suddenly taken to wearing slippers to see if Brian would look, they really haven’t figured out it’s you, not the cute slippers.” Emmett tells me.

“Really, it’s just comfortable, and well, I think I look cute in them.” I tell him, smiling at my slippers.

“Emmett, the sperm stalker has your man.” Ted tells him.

Emmett and I lean in to look, and yep she’s still going, kind of like the bunny, only not really as cute. I glare at Ben who moved over by Brian, MY BOYFRIEND.

“Sweetie, we all know.” Emmett comments as he glares at LBF.

“Yeah, since you know, you guys practically live together.” Ted comments looking between us.

“Want to bet on how long it takes Brian to kick Ben’s ass?” Ted asks us.

“It would be better to bet on how many insults Brian will issue during dinner, because he really didn’t like the way Benny boy talked in front of Baby.” Emmett tells us.

Why does Ben just go after the usual, you know MM? Maybe Ben would like that hot pie in his lap, well I really wanted pie, so whip cream it is. I head for the refrigerator to get my weapon. Brian grabs me and hauls me down in his lap. Which means Ben had to stare at me and not Brian.

“So Justin, did you ever manage to make a go with your art?” Really, was he this big of an asshole when I thought he was all that?

“I snatched him up when I every campaign that featured his art got us the account. In fact, Ted didn’t you tell me that Justin put us over the ten million mark in revenue?” Brian tells him and you know Ben really just can’t win against my Brian.

“Oh, he was always trying to break into the art scene.” Ben tells us, as if it was a pipedream.

“He should, Justin’s work is really good for his age.” Lindsay tells Ben, not looking pleased with the way he was treating me. Um, GO LBF, not something I ever thought I’d be saying.

“Is there some reason you seem to be putting Sunshine down?” Deb glares.

“No, it’s just he never really seemed to be very serious about anything, so it’s nice that he managed to get a job.” Ben tells her, as if he didn’t just insult me again.

“Well I decided that I didn’t want to be a teacher, but instead you know, actually accomplish something.” Dear good teachers, I didn’t mean you. 

“I wanted to help my students accomplish their goals.” Ben tells me.

“It would help if you didn’t put them to sl…” I like when Brian kisses me spontaneously, but I was working on an insult.

“Justin has always managed to accomplish anything he set his heart on.” Mom tells him, not looking happy.

“Really, maybe I should see one of the campaigns, but ads are really just a way to confuse consumers into thinking they want something, when they really don’t.” Ben tells us.

“Hey, maybe you should have come to me, you know, since I could have probably gotten your book to sell to more than your students.” Brian tells him.

After that it was like everyone hurried to eat. Ben seemed to more interested in talking to MM. I was really disappointed in him for acting like this, he’s really not this bad normally. Or was I just to blinded at the time to see it? 

When I was coming out of the restroom, Ben was standing there, and I just didn’t see any reason to care what he thought anymore.

“Justin, my behavior was completely out of line.” Ben tells me.

“Not going to disagree with you, but you know, I’m not an airhead who you can treat like shit.” I tell him.

“No, you're a student who wouldn’t give me the time of day.” He tells me.

What? Did he not realize my ten million questions and constant running into him was my way of showing interest. I think about it for a minute and realize that maybe he just took it as a student needing help in his class. 

“You like guys like MM.” I tell him, because it always seemed that way.

“MM?” He asks me.

“Michael… you know, Deb’s son… as in the guy sitting next to you at dinner… really how do you miss him… brunett, tongue hanging out… you know what, when we get back to the table look left, you might get a blow job out of it.” I tell him when he’s still staring at me blankly.

How on earth does anyone not notice MM?

JUSTIN

The world always looks better with… “Uh Em, what is this?” I ask him.

“It’s a Cosmo, sweetie.” He tells me.

“Yeah, Cosmo, the world looks better after… um how many?” I ask Brian.

“Seven, you know, the number after six.” He tells me, taking a shot of whatever is in that glass.

“AS I WAS SAYING… wait what was I saying?” I ask Em, cause he’s way less sarcastic.

“The world looks better?” He giggles.

“OH YEAH, really it’s just MM’s dancing seems to get better after each one of these. It’s less Peanut’s Gang.” I tell them, nodding because they should agree with me.

“You're cut off. My plans don’t include hauling your drunk ass home and feeding the lions.” Brian tells me.

“You think Benny figured out yet that MM’s looking for love?” Emmett asks me.

“MM can have boring Ben, cause I have Brian, right?” I ask, looking up at Brian.

“Only if you admit that this is a relationship. I’ve decided that if you want to use this body, it comes with a relationship.” He tells me.

“Wait, why do you want to screw up everything with a relationship?” I ask him.

“Justin, we sleep in the same bed, own three cats together, and I tolerate September the way you do MM, how much more do we need to get you to see we are together.” He asks me.

“See I told you, he’s chasing you.” Emmett whispers.

“Chasing without ever asking me anything, it’s all ‘Justin how do you like our first date’.” I mean I would have loved it if he’d ever bothered to ask me. Then there was the whole hiding he was my pimp… “Hey why are you guys looking at me?” I ask the guys at the next table. “Then he like shows up with our daughter, under the condition that I have to be with him to see her, and the whole kissing up to my mom. Do you not get that she’s all for planning a wedding? And like you, she’ll just accidentally rent the church and reception room, then invite us to dinner which will end up being a wedding. By the time we figure it out, you’ll be Mr. Taylor. Wait, let's not go with my last name, because it would be like calling you my father.” I tell them.

“Kinney’s cool, if Drew and I ever did the whole marriage thing, I don’t know if I could be Boyd, it just doesn’t have that ring like Honeycutt does.” Emmett tells me.

“Hey, I’d even move up in the alphabet, it was a pain in the ass to be last at graduation, but then I was salutatorian, so I got to sit on the stage. Daphne like beat me by a few points, but I kicked her ass on the SATS. Is anyone ever going to tell Michael that pole is for something other than licking?” I ask because he seems to like doing that.

“Baby, remember he learned from Kinney’s School of Dance. Unfortunately, Brian could never teach him how to get a trick.” Emmett smiles as Drew hands us two new Cosmos.

Taking a gulp, I glare at Drew. “What is this?” I ask him.

“Cosmo light.” He tells Emmett, who didn’t swallow but spit it back in the glass.

“What is a Cosmo light?” Emmett asks, glaring with me.

“It’s basically everything but the alcohol. I’m with Brian, we are not carrying your comatose asses home.” Drew tells us, and well, I stopped glaring because Drew is a bit scary.

“He’s just a big teddy bear.” Emmett tells me, and shit, some day I’ll learn not to blurt out everything I’m thinking.

“Can anybody explain that?” Blake asks us, pointing toward the dance floor.

We all look at MM, and I’m not really sure what you call that. “I think there was a movie where these two guy did that dance like all the time.” I tell them.

“Night at the Roxbury.” Emmett yells out.

We watch as MM does this strange head thing and then practically climbs on Ben. “Yeah, but like in the movie it was funny, this is just sad.” Blake tells us.

“I tried to teach him the ‘Praise Jesus’ but you know, MM seems to dance to a tune that has nothing to do with the music playing.” Emmett tells us.

“Maybe if I like get the squad, they could teach him?” I tell them.

“What do they do?” Emmett ask me.

“Wear short skirts and stand around acting like lesbians, they told me for some reason guys think it’s hot. Which I don’t get, because if Brian was like dancing with LBF or Mel, there is nothing that would make me want him.” I tell them.

“Justin, if you ever put me and Mel dancing in the same sentence again, I’m taking Sunny and Duckies home.” Brian glares.

I just rubbed my ass all over his lap, it seems to work when he’s like, pissy. I look over at the bar and the squad brought my mom, who was looking right at me. I slowly slide to my chair, because Mom waves at us smiling. I take Brian’s phone and text the Daphne, the cause of my erectile dysfunction.

“You brought my Mom to a gay bar!!!!!😨”

“She wanted to see where you go, so if you didn’t want her to come here you should have gone to a straight bar💑👫and not a gay bar🌈.”

“Which explains my being here, and even explains LBF and life partner Mel, but you and Mom, not so much😛”

Brian takes his phone back when it rings. “No Michael, I will not play “Crash into Me”... no I won’t play “Every Breath You Take”... “Beautiful” Mikey is this some kind of joke… they’re all songs about stalking, that’s why.” Brian tells him, walking to Ted.

Looking through my playlist on my phone, I decided Brian was never to see it. Of course when I look up he’s rolling his eyes. “I told you from the beginning that I had all sorts of songs that I could play when I stalk you.” I tell him.

“Time to go, Justin.” Brian tells me, I think by now we all know he just tells me, never asks me… anything.

I was getting bored anyway, so we leave, and as we walk out a bunch of guys run up to us. All of them wearing PJ’s and carrying kittens or puppies. I know I was carrying Sunny around and now I’m starting to worry about myself when I see these guys. I look up to see if it’s a full moon, nope, but it should be. Lunatics ahead.

One of the guys walks up to me. “Want to tell us how you landed Kinney?” He asks, and sneezes as he holds his kitten. I wonder if he’s figured out he’s allergic to the kitten.

Now here's the thing, kittens and puppies aren’t really best friends, so when the Boston Terrier got close enough to the cute little calico, it tried to eat it. Calico wasn’t thrilled and ran up owner’s chest leaving nice claw marks and leaps to the ground where chihuahua is on a leash on the ground, now you say to yourself, no problem, the chihuahua weighs next to nothing, but the owner is too busy looking at Brian Kinney to hold the leash and Chihuahua who has big dog syndrome runs after Calico who climbs up another guy's leg and straight into Mini Pinscher. Now one of the things I learned tonight is, unlike the Doberman Pinscher, Mini Pinschers are really timid and it struggled until the owner had to put it down which somehow only made it worse because Chihuahua found something it could intimidate. Brian backed us out of the Queens, because as all the animals started going nuts, so did all the PJ wearing Queens.

We passed by the guys who were taking bets on which animal would win. I thought about it for a second and ran back to Sneezy, because he was starting to break out.

“What’s your kitten’s name?” I ask him.

“Ah… well… it’s not really mine per se… okay look, I found someone giving them away and we all decided to come and see if we could land men by doing what you did.” He tells me.

“So you don’t have any real attachment to the kitten, right?” I ask him.

“No, I think I’m allergic to it.” He tells me and that’s all I needed.

I grabbed it and started thinking of a name. When I got near Brian and the rest of the guys, Brian shook his head no. I shook my head yes, the guys behind us were all screaming no (which had nothing to do with this argument). Normally Brian tends to let me have my way,  but he doesn’t seem to want to help me with my dream of thirty cats.

“Justin, Regina and Rocky still haven’t fully accepted Sunny.” Brian tells me.

“But they could like get used to Ally while they are getting used to Sunny.” I tell him.

“No, three is all we are going to have, we still have years before they leave us and then you can replace them as they go.” He tells me.

“You don’t replace our babies!” I tell him, horrified.

“Shit, Ben left and told me he wasn’t interested.” MM whines.

Brian looks from my Ally to MM. “No, it will probably run away and join the circus just to get peace and quiet.” I tell Brian, who plucks my baby from my arms and hands it to MM. “You just lost all privileges to my ass tonight.” I tell him, pouting and stomping past the Queens still chasing their pets.

BRIAN

You know, three cats are the same as four, especially when Justin changed his locks and tendered his resignation by text. When he left the club, I tried to follow but he turned off all ways of tracking him down to pout. I ended up going to Michael’s apartment three days later and taking baby Astro from him. Justin never needs to know that one. I texted that Ally was on her way and hoped it would get him to unlock the door because my next caveman move was to have the door removed.

“I moved!☺” was the text I received back.

The phone was back on, so I turned on Justin finder, and smiled at the address. I'm sure he did this to be a twat, but hey, he just made what I wanted to do easier. Driving to ‘killer mansion’, which really, he needs to stop calling it that, my first thought was furniture. Looking at Ally, it might be better not to join the PJ Queen brigade by carrying her around, so home first. Getting to the driveway I didn’t expect all the cars that were there. Lindsay and Gus ran out, waiting as I got out.

“Hey we’re going for pizza, but Justin told me to tell you he's upstairs.” Lindsay grabs Gus and they drive off.

“Ally, Daddy better be out of trouble.” Shit I'm talking to cats now.

Walking up the stairs past way too many people, I decided Justin was going to make up for three days. Emmett comes down and I hand off Ally, because I'm not going to hear that what I'm going to do to the twat could scare Ally.

“If I see anyone but Justin for the next two hours, I'll really give everyone a reason to call this ‘killer mansion’.” I tell him.

“Good luck telling Mommy.” He smirks, taking Ally.

You know what, I don't care. I walked into what is the master bedroom and there he stood next to Jen. Instead of saying anything, I just threw him over my shoulder and walked into the room next door, oh look, a new bed. I patted my favorite ass and threw him down. He seemed to clue in that now was not the time to argue, but helpfully took off his clothes. I guess when you're used to three to four times a night, it sucks to abstain. Undressing, I shook my head no when he reached for me.

“I'm done chasing you.” I tell him.

“But…”

“Before we do anything, you have to admit the truth.” I tell him.

“Um, couldn’t we…” I backed up, because he's going to say it. “Are you seriously blackmailing me?” He asks.

“Call it whatever you want, I want to hear you admit that this is more.” I tell him, pointing to the two of us.

“Fine, you're my boyfriend.” He mumbles.

“I didn’t hear you.” I tell him, stroking what he wants.

“BRIAN KINNEY IS MY BOYFRIEND!” He screams.

“WE KNOW!” seems to come from everywhere.

At that point, I got what I wanted, so he gets what he wants. Walking to the bed I lay on top of him and kiss my boyfriend. Then I let him turn us over so he can kiss down my chest. I have to say, three days makes Justin a hungry boy, because he engulfed my cock, then used his hands to massage my balls. I think he's missed the protein, because he was hitting all the right spots, and sorry, but three days just means my swimmers were tired of waiting. So with a twirl of his tongue and the use of those artistic fingers, I delivered what he wanted. Of course my twat knows to reach for the condom, because round two is raring to go. Which is when I noticed he seemed to have known this was what three days would lead to.

I groaned as his ass enveloped me and waited until I saw the look he gives me to move, so flipping us while staying inside him I gave him a few power thrusts, then held him still as I angled to hit his sweet spot. He really needs to work on not letting everyone know what we are doing, but pulling him up to seal his mouth to mine does the trick. That move just had him moan as it seated him with every inch of me. We moved in a way that comes from knowing your lover. When he grabbed my hand I knew what he wanted, and stroked him in time with my thrusts. When he came, I knew he'd been good because he covered us. I kept going because I’ve been good enough that it wouldn’t be a problem to cum again. I finally felt my favorite tingle and let go.

Laying beside him, I think maybe now I can get him to say yes to the ring.