Mel’s POV

I never would have thought the day would come that I would be staying at my cousin Rita’s house kissing her goodnight instead of Lindsay. After all, she never approved of our relationship anyway and said we wouldn’t make it; damn it stings like a bitch to prove her right.

Instead of spending the night making love to my beautiful partner and holding our precious baby boy, I’m burning the midnight oil trying to figure out how to keep her from marrying some snobby french fairy.

There’s only one person to blame for my relationship falling apart like this - Brian Kinney. Lindsay has always had this borderline obsession with that asshole and was over the moon ecstatic that he agreed to be the donor so that we could raise a child together. I figured he would just fulfill his basic duty and go back to his life of sucking and fucking everything that moves within a 5 foot radius and not give us or the child a second thought. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Turns out the self-centered, narcissistic  bastard actually loves Gus. He proved it in spades when he failed to keep his promise to sign over his parental rights to me and became the quintessential doting father.

“I changed my mind”

Those four words cut me deeper than any razor’s edge ever could. The selfish fucker knew how important it was for Lindsay and me to have full and equal rights as far as Gus was concerned.  That homophobic cunt of a nurse caused a bit of harsh reality to set in; I was a virtual nobody to my own son. So when Lindsay expressed how much she would like to stay at home with Gus for at least his first year, the slight pang of jealousy I’d started to feel grew exponentially thinking about the close bond that they would inevitably share. One that I had no chance in hell of ever achieving, Brian had made damn sure of that.

Lindsay constantly tried to convince me that I was Gus' parent in every way even if I didn’t have the legal documentation to prove it; what a crock of shit that was. I felt like an outsider looking in through the window at what was supposed to be my family...my family not Brian’s. Here I was working my ass off, putting in longer hours to pay the bills and take care of a child that I loved but had no claims to.

Not only was I unable to spend any real quality time with Gus, my darling better half couldn’t stand for me to touch her. She claimed it was because she was tired from taking care of the baby all day, but somehow in the back of mind I know that it had something to do with the dickhead extraordinaire.  Fuck, how could a person feel so alone and share the same space with the person who claims to love you? No matter how deep into myself I looked, or from what angle I tried to view the situation, I couldn’t for the life of me find the answer.  I tried getting Lindsay to talk to me; to tell me what she was feeling so that we could work our problems out. Needless to say it proved to be useless and I was becoming desperate for a sounding board... enter Maryann McDonald.

Maryann was like a breath of fresh air in that tiny room reeking of oppression and dripping with incessant baby talk. Lindsay and I had planned Frannie’s baby shower months before our partnership started to go to shit and it was the last fucking place on earth I wanted to be.

“Why did we go through with this?”

“We planned this for months. We couldn’t disappoint friends, how would they feel?”

I really didn’t give a fuck how they felt to be quite frank, and Maryann was such a welcome distraction.  She seemed to understand exactly what I needed even though we’d only known each other for all of two minutes. Her invitation to step out for a smoke was the best offer I’d had in days….how pathetic right? I mean, I have live in snatch readily accessible 24/7 for Christ sakes; and sharing a fag (no pun intended) with a self-professed career dyke I barely know is the highlight of my day?

There was just something about the nicotine roughened timber of her voice that seduced me. I never planned on seeing her again after the shower, but then Linds and I had a fight and we wound up meeting for a drink at a local bar. It was nice to be the sole focus of someone’s attention for a change. Maryann’s searing wit was refreshing and her raspy  laugh was one of her most endearing qualities.

“Well I think that this is  fate. Just when you needed someone to tell your troubles to...not that you have to tell me," she said.

 As my wine glass was steadily replenished, my inhibitions became increasingly low until they ultimately disappeared altogether. I told her secrets that I’d vowed to never mention or bring back to the forefront of my mind.  I talked and she awwwed and comforted me and petted my feelings soothingly.

One thing lead to another and before I could wrap my mind around what was happening, I found myself following her home and falling into her bed. To make matters worse the sex was amazing. Her lips and hands were warm and gentle, gliding over my skin like delicate silk and I drank each touch in greedily unable to quench my thirst in the heat of the moment. Maryann effortlessly mapped out every pleasure point on my body and played me to perfection.  When it was over and we were both a sweaty sticky mess, Maryann asked if I was okay.

“I’m fine”  

The fuck I was.  I felt guilty and disgusted with myself. I felt disgusted because I realized that I’d just taken a page right out of the Brian Fucking Kinney handbook; pain management 101. I disentangled myself from her body, got out of bed, and quickly began to dress.

“Leaving so soon? she asked sleepily. “ You know you’re more than welcome to stay.”

“Thanks but I- I really should be getting home, I don’t want Lindsay to worry.”

I couldn’t get out of her house and into my car fast enough; only able to let out the breath I was holding once I got behind the wheel, turned the ignition, and felt the familiar pulse of the engine beneath me. The novelty of ‘new’ had worn off and all I had were my regrets and a pair of soaked lace panties in the front pocket of my jeans to show for it.

It was late and I figured that Lindsay and Gus had long since bedded down for the night when I returned home. The journey up the stairs to my 'marital' bed seemed excruciatingly long as I tried not to wake Lindsay, I didn't want to have to face the fallout that would surely come as a result of my actions.

I was fully aware that I was taking the coward's way of  trying to avoid  it, but in the end it didn't matter much. One loud creak of a loose floorboard was all it took to make Lindsay stir and make me freeze in my tracks. She called out to me and the calm demeanor in which she spoke should have put my nerves at ease, but to the contrary I found it to be very disconcerting.

“Where have you been? I was worried...you left so angry.”

Shit, as if I didn’t already feel bad enough, she still had the decency to worry about me. Never once did she even think about accusing me of any wrong doing. *chuckle* I would have felt better had she gotten pissed or thrown things or yelled and screamed or something showing any other emotion besides concern; because I didn’t deserve it.

I slept in the guest room for the next few nights without any explanation, and to my great surprise she never asked for one. During this time Frannie and Zoe had had little Holden and all of our friends were gathered in their hospital room celebrating the special occasion. I walked in and saw Maryann sitting there and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I knew then that it was time I told Lindsay the truth about what I had done; about how I’d betrayed her.

I excused myself to try and get my composure, and of course Lindsay followed me out to make sure I was all right. I couldn’t look her in the eye as I struggled to force myself to tell her.

“Linds...something happened. I- I didn’t mean for it to happen but it did.”

She looked completely devastated once she’d figured out what I was trying to tell her. Lindsay ran away crying and hurt and I’ve never felt more ashamed in my fucking life. When I finally made it back from the hospital, I decided it was best for me to remove myself from the picture to allow Lindsay time to heal and move on. To possibly find someone more deserving of her affection.

“Mel...you don’t have to go”

At the time I really felt like it was the right thing to do, now...I’m not so sure. So here I am at Rita’s weeks later, while Lindsay is preparing her wedding dress and organizing some fake ass ceremony. They’re even going to have their little exchange of vows video taped...you know just in case there’s an evidentiary hearing.

You can bet your ass had I still been there none of this would be happening. But wait...wasn’t it my decision to leave? Wasn’t it me who lied and cheated? Wasn’t it me who said it was for the best? Wasn’t it me who...oh shit!

How was this Brian’s fault again?

I’ve known Brian Kinney since he and my son Michael became friends when they were fourteen years old. Even back then he was an ornery, stubborn little son of a bitch; and he hasn’t changed much in the last fifteen years. Well I guess that isn’t exactly true, if anything he’s turned into an even bigger asshole than he already was...if that’s even possible. 

I initially fell in love with the kid, because the road he was traveling on was extremely rough on someone his age. His mother was an alcoholic religious freak who sat back and turned a blind eye while her equally alcoholic, abusive husband, used Brian as a human punching bag. It amazed me how any parent could show their child so little love; in Brian’s case they didn’t show him any love at all.

I’ll admit when Michael brought him home for the first time to show off his fledgling comic collection, I was a nervous fucking wreck. See, I always knew my son was gay and I knew the subsequent hassle he would have to put up with because of who he was. After all, my own fucking sister wouldn’t let her kids come to my house out of fear that Michael would molest them...or worse. So I wanted to make sure this kid my son was attaching himself to didn’t turn out to be one of those damn hate mongers, who would drag my kid off to God knows where and hurt him.

I needn’t have worried though, because fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) comic books weren’t the only thing they had in common. I was made painfully aware of this fact the day I walked in and caught Brian attempting to give Michael a hand job. The looks on their faces were priceless, and I’m sure they fully expected me to lose my shit over the whole situation. I didn’t have the heart to completely embarrass the little fuckers though; looking back on it maybe I should have.

After that, those boys were practically inseparable, hell they’re still inseparable even though they’ve grown up…physically anyway. They learned to depend on each other but the problem is, they depend on each other too damn much. Over the years Michael has made his feelings toward Brian more than apparent; but Brian obviously doesn’t feel the same way and he never will. That’s why I have to bite my tongue so hard that I taste blood every time Michael comes to me hurting over something that Brian has done.

I kept hoping that he would meet somebody, so that he would get the silly notion that he and Brian would be a couple of old queens living together in Palm Springs one day, out of his fool head. I sure as shit couldn’t have been happier when Dr. David Cameron came into Michael’s life. David was a chiropractor that Michael had been referred to after he’d taken a nasty fall at work and injured his neck. He was gorgeous, successful, emotionally available, and seemed to really love my son unconditionally. David was just what Michael needed as far as I was concerned, he symbolized stability and security not to mention the shot of self-esteem that Michael was sorely lacking. 

David wasn’t too thrilled with Michael’s obsession with Brian though. He was even less tolerant of the unfounded jealousy and subsequent hate Michael had for Justin, and it had only gotten worse after the boys had gone and rescued Sunshine from the mean streets of New York. In Michael’s eyes Justin was still just another trick who was trying to take his best friend and playmate away from him. But why the fuck should he care who’s sucking Brian’s dick or temporarily warming his bed? That’s an easy one to answer (insert dramatic eye roll) it’s because the ‘cock of the walk’ takes pleasure in giving Michael those extra little tidbits of his affection. I wonder when Brian will finally wake up and realize that Michael will never be able to let go of his crush and have a life of his own, if he keeps filling his head with empty hope….but I digress.

Then the miracle of all miracles happened, David asked Michael to move in with him. My heart jumped for joy and I started mentally counting off the heirloom pieces I was going to pass off to the happy couple to christen their home.

“Don’t break out the candlesticks just yet Ma, I didn’t say yes.”

“Well what did you say?”

“I said I’d think about it.”

“What’s to think about?”

That whole conversation had me fuming, and my darling brother didn’t make it any better by putting in his two cents.

“It’s not so easy for two men to be a couple.”

Bullshit...I knew the real score, and it had nothing to do with Michael being afraid that he and David couldn’t make a real go of it. It was that damn Brian; always dangling the carrot just close enough to Michael’s nose to reel him into believing they could have a future together. In the end it caused Michael and David to break-up.

That's when I decided enough was enough, it was time I paid Mr. Non-Commitment a visit.

“You’ve ruined my kid’s life!” I spat the words at him like a venomous snake moving in to kill it’s prey. Of course this didn’t stop Brian from making a litany of smart-ass remarks about hello kisses and not being inconsistent in the trouble making department. I could give a rat’s ass about his consistency to cause trouble, what I cared about was my son’s consistently broken heart.

“He had a chance with David but you had to go and fuck it up! It’s time for him to grow up and be a man.”

“He wasn’t having any fun Deb….and yeah he needs to grow up, but what do you want me to do about that?”

“I don’t know…something. You owe my kid something.”

Needless to say, his solution was to give Michael a surprise party for his 30th birthday...one that he would never forget, hell it actually turned out to be a party that none of us would ever forget.

Brian took careful measures to pull out all the stops, ensuring that my boy would have the best time of his fucking life. He invited the whole family (yes even Mel), an assortment of random guests, to my great surprise and delight, David, and to top it all off...a Captain Astro impersonator.

The glow on Michael’s face could have lit up all of downtown Pittsburgh, I mean I’ve never seen him so happy. There was even a fleeting moment that I thought he and David were rekindling their relationship. All hopes of that were shot to hell when I noticed a big commotion transpiring on the other side of the room. Apparently, Brian had taken it upon himself to also invite some girl that Michael works with to the party. Normally this wouldn’t have been a bad thing, but in this case it was the worst thing he could have ever done. See, no one at my son’s job knows he’s gay, and Brian felt that it was his duty to out my son to his colleague.

“The first time he and David fucked, Mikey came like...three times.”

That light that was shining in Michael’s eyes quickly flickered out after his best friend’s little revelation. David was the first one to react by knocking Mr. Kinney square on his ass, the events that followed were to be expected. First, the unhappy couple (meaning Mikey and David) made their exit, followed by the rest of the family after admonishing Brian for his abhorrent behavior.

That night as I sat and thought things through over an Irish coffee, I realized something. Brian only pushed him off the cliff because I’d basically forced him to do so. My intention was never for them to end their friendship, just to break away from each other a little. For Michael it wasn’t the fact that Brian had exposed his little secret, it was that he felt a deep sense of betrayal. The problem was that he felt it emanating from the wrong person.

Essentially my son got hurt in the worst possible way because of my own selfish wants. What’s even worse is that he doesn’t even know the part I played in the grand scheme of things. When it’s all said and done, Brian really isn’t to blame here.

Fuck me….I’ll have to apologize to the little asshole for cussing him out tomorrow when I go to the loft to pick up Michael’s presents.

Emmett’s POV

When I first arrived in the Pitts from Hazlehurst Mississippi and stepped foot on Liberty Ave, Brian Kinney was the name constantly on everyone’s lips. I heard the name so much that I thought damn, he has to be some kind of local celebrity or at the very least someone of great importance. After months of playing the often heard of but never seen game, I came face to face with the big bad himself, and holy shit he was fucking gorgeous. His hair was a beautiful mix of gold and brown, body and lips to die for, and the man could dress his perky little ass off...even if it was a bit on the conservative side

I was sitting in the diner introducing myself to our resident den mother; the one and only Debbie Novotny, as well as a stack of blueberry banana pancakes (yum), when Mr. long, lean, and luscious came sauntering through the doors. My breath caught in my throat when he came and sat his beautiful frame next to me. I couldn’t help but stare at his soul stealing hazel eyes and full raspberry lips. Debbie had warned me about ‘God’s gift to gay PA’ but I thought she was over exaggerating...that is until he opened his mouth to speak.

“Hey Deb, how about a little service before my ass falls asleep from sitting on this piece of shit stool. Some of us do have a job to get to you know.”

“Keep your pants on asshole...at least until after you’ve had your breakfast. And what do you call what I’m doing huh? I’m not exactly standing around here with my thumbs up my ass ya know.”

This line of banter went on between them for several minutes and I couldn’t help but wonder why she would put up with his bullshit. Brian didn’t really seem to treat Debbie or anyone else for that matter, with any kind of respect. In fact, it wasn’t until I became friends with Debbie’s son Michael and was so graciously invited into the family fold that I began to understand the dynamic a little better. 

Now I won’t bore you with the details of every little fight we’ve had over the years, but I can honestly say that every conflict between the family always leads back to Brian. If I had to name one incident that epitomized the whole shebang, it would have to be that time when Brian almost let his homophobic client, Stockwell, take down my Teddy. See, at the time Stockwell was our glorious chief of police but he figured he was too high in the saddle to keep that position so he decided to run for Mayor. His whole campaign was pretty much dedicated to stripping away the right of every red blooded American fag to fuck whom he wanted, when he wanted, and as many times as he pleased...with or without an audience. Yep, Stockwell pretty much had a big old straight-boy hardon for anything gay!

What does this all have to do with Teddy you ask? Well, while Brian fucking Kinney was busy helping the bastard climb the ladder that would lead to his pedestal, Ted’s internet porn site, Jerk@Werk.Net, was heading for destruction. Ted had gotten arrested and charged with corruption of a minor after Stockwell had his studio raided and it turned out that little weasel Eddie had lied about his age and given Teddy a fake ID! I never liked Eddie, myself - if there were a picture next to the word ‘asskisser’ in the dictionary, it would have been that little twerp!

Anywho, Ted had gone to see Brian and asked him to try and talk Stockwell into showing him just the tiniest bit of mercy - you know, being that it was his first offense and all. It shouldn’t have surprised me in the least that the selfish prick wouldn’t even bother to lift his pinky finger to help Teddy out. Ted was in danger of going to prison for God knows how long, and Mr. Sensitivity couldn’t really give a fuck. He basically sent Ted away, hat in hand, with nothing but a Lah-di-dah! At the time, Ted was my partner, and I was damned if I was going to let him give up without a fight, even if I had to do the fighting for him. So the very next day I paid a little visit to the resident devil’s advocate.

I’m pretty sure that by now you know how our little tete a tete went down...Ted needs help...He fucked up...please help him...fuck off...etc...etc...etc. But when the smoke cleared and the dust settled, Ted somehow, miracle of miracles, managed to dodge the restraints of a prison cell. He wasn’t left without scars, though. Ted was broken, incredibly, irreparably broken and it broke my heart to see him so lost. I was almost as lost myself. 

I could have lost Ted completely had Mel not come over a few days later to tell us that the state was willing to cut Ted a deal. My first thought was that maybe they recognized what a great man Ted was...but on the other hand, when had the state of Pennsylvania ever recognized a queer as a great man? Deep down I knew who had probably kept Teddy’s ass out of the sling...the unsung hero Brian Kinney had apparently had enough courage and integrity to step in and save the day after all. I mean, nobody other than Brian would really have had that kind of sway over Stockwell, would they? It had to be Brian’s influence that made the difference. 

But if that was true, why would he continue to let us believe that we’re nothing to him? I guess it could be possible that Brian cares about us more than he lets on....maybe he’s just too afraid of appearing weak and vulnerable to show his affection openly. Wow...I really never thought about it like this before. I think I’ll try treating Brian with a bit more kindness and understanding from now on.

There are very few people who can say they know Brian Kinney as well as I do. See, I met my Peter at a frat party while we were in college. I’d just broken up with my girlfriend and needed a distraction, so when my friend Buffy invited me along I figured what the heck! When we arrived and walked in, the first person I saw was this tall, lean, gorgeous brunet with the most beautifully haunting hazel eyes. He cast a smile in my direction. At first I wasn’t even sure he was looking at me - I looked around to see if there was anyone else around, but I didn’t see any other girls nearby. So I turned back towards this adonis and smiled back. And I was immediately pulled under his spell. The fact that I’d always identified myself as a bonafide, card-carrying lesbian, made absolutely no difference whatsoever...that night I wanted cock - in particular, the cock attached to the handsome god with the swarthy smile. 

Just about everyone in attendance had partaken in more than their fair share of party favors that night which, Brian had told me later on, was the only reason he allowed me to approach him at all. You can probably guess what happened next; what kept happening until he told me he was gay that is. Yes, we had intercourse a few times, but all good things must come to an end. Thankfully we were able to continue on as friends. I became his Wendy and he became my Peter.

A few weeks later, he introduced me to some other girl he thought would make me happy, but by that time Mel had come into my life - and it was world war fucking three right from the beginning. She felt he was too possessive, arrogant, manipulative, and an all around shithead. At the time I didn’t realize that what drew me to Mel was that she and Brian shared many of the same qualities. She was just as aggressive, driven and goal-oriented as he was. I guess I looked at her as maybe what Brian could be over time; once he was settled in his career and ready to settle down. Or maybe… I think it was that she was someone who LOOKED at me and not THROUGH me for once in my life. My parents were always off jet setting somewhere or another, my sister... well let’s not talk about her.

This latest round of Brian-induced angst in my life revolves around Melanie, Gus and a very small thing called parental rights. Honestly, I understand why Brian is hesitant about giving them up. He loves his son more than he thought he could or would but he still should have kept his promise to Mel and I. He knew that Gus was supposed to be OURS, not HIS and mine. So once again he has put me in the role of the peacekeeping Lesbian in the middle. I can’t deny this fulfills a fantasy I’ve had for years but now my relationship with Mel has been sacrificed on the altar of Brian’s selfishness. 

Yet I knew what I was doing and what I wanted. When Melanie tried to tell me having Brian as Gus’ father was a bad idea, I told her it was Brian or no one. With him, I thought I knew what I was getting. Great genes. An intelligent kid. A hardworking and determined offspring. But what I didn’t count on was that with all that, I was also getting a genuinely good person who wouldn’t play dumb and ignorant; someone who wouldn’t roll over and play dead to suit mine or anyone else’s ideals. 

Well what’s done is done and I can’t fix it. Brian WON’T so I guess I’ll have to lie in the bed I’ve made myself through stubbornness and hard-won determination. Wait… I just admitted… No, that can’t be right. This HAS to be Brian’s fault because if it isn’t then I just admitted to myself that it’s MINE and that’s just unacceptable. It just has to be his fault… It just has to BE! After all, he….that is if it weren’t for him…..well maybe if he had listened to me when I tried to...

Oh. My. Gosh…..I can’t believe it took me so long to realize that Brian was right. You see, Brian told me once that everyone causes their own pain. That we are ultimately in control of our own destiny. I set out to have the family I wanted with the person I felt was right for me, and all the while I was wishing for something I knew I could never have, and Mel could see it right from the start. So it really isn’t Brian’s fault at all for the way things sometimes turn out with Mel and I. Damn this is a very bitter pill to swallow and I really don’t think I can handle this. When I get home tonight I have a few fences that need to be mended, and a big crow pie that needs to be put in the oven.

Brian and I became best friends when we were fourteen years old. There was just something about him, you know? The way he moved, the way he smiled and talked; the way he stood up for himself. He didn’t have to try to be ‘cool,’ he just was COOL in real life. Nothing could touch him or faze him. If I had to describe him in three words they would be: Strong, Brave and HOT! Everybody wanted him, from the cheerleaders to the closet jocks to the geeks and even…. well I think that’s as good a place as any to start.

Remember how I said Brian was brave. The best example outside of beating people up and defending me was regarding Mr . . . - we’ll call him Johnson to protect his identity - is that okay? Anyways, the example I was thinking of was Brian’s encounter with Mr. Johnson the gym teacher and soccer coach. Brian had forgotten his book so, like the smart student he was, he went back into the locker room after practice to get it. From what Brian told me - and eventually the guys and Boy Wonder - yeah I’ll get to talking about him in a minute too…but back to Mr. Johnson… So anyway, Brian said that when he went back, Mr. Johnson was in the showers soaping himself. I’ll admit, Mr. J was pure fire to look at with that rockstar hair and tattoos, I nearly creamed my shorts every gym class. Anyway, Brian decided he wanted a little experience and so he walked into the showers with his clothes on, got down on his knees and SUCKED HIM OFF! I swear, when he told me about it I nearly fainted, and of course I did actually cream my jeans even though only you know that. You're not going to tell anyone that are you? Please don’t. That has to be our little secret, okay? Anyway, that was the start in my and everyone else’s eyes of Brian Kinney sex god. Again, cool personified.

Brian’s sex life has read like a Who’s Who of Liberty Avenue basically since he got a fake ID when we were sixteen. At first I didn’t know what was going on because...well my mom worked at the Diner and everybody knew that so I couldn’t get away with the stuff Brian did. It’s not like Jack or Joan cared but...well that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, he worked hard and played harder. His hard work after school and practice got him a car and a scholarship to college, while his hard-work after hours got him a reputation as this Ultimate Top. I won’t deny that deep down I wanted to take a number in the line of men who would practically throw themselves at him… But he would…he would never do THAT with me. I guess that’s why Ma was constantly telling me that she wished I would meet someone who could love me...because Brian never would.

‘You don’t fuck your friends, Mikey,’ is what he would always say. Which I always found kinda strange because how are you supposed to get to know someone and get married and have everything like a family if you don’t fuck your friend? What you’re just supposed to fuck and marry a stranger? Well if that’s the case then Brian should have been settled down thousands of times over but that would go against all of his rules. No repeats. No apologies, no excuses, no regrets. Never go after anyone. No boyfriends. Never trust anyone. Never judge anyone or their choices. Never. Never. Never. And yet… there’s only one person, who he’s broken all those rules for. 

Justin. 

Yep the trick that wouldn't GO HOME! His fucking lovesick teen stalker. And somehow I think Justin’s broken Brian. I kept trying to warn Brian about that fucking twink and how the Boy Wonder was trying to change him. I still can’t figure out what’s so special about that kid’s ass that made Brian keep going back. Oh and he calls him ‘Sonny-boy’ like he does Gus. I mean come on already. It’s almost like he equates his love for Gus with whatever-the-fuck he feels for the blond boy. It’s sickening and it’s confusing and it’s so NOT Brian. Loving Gus is one thing but Justin? HA! Like that’s ever going to happen. It’s just not… like NEVER especially if I have anything to say about it. Which I DO. Brian Kinney doesn’t do love! And he doesn’t DO commitment either. He’s not supposed to; it just wouldn’t fit into his untouchable god-like image. The only exceptions are me, Ma, Uncle Vic, and Lindsey and Gus - although they’re kinda questionable too now that I think about it. Brian didn’t even WANT a kid until Lindsey stroked his ego and flattered him into submission so she could get her way. But that’s another story, to be examined at another time.

Look! You can think whatever you want or call me selfish, I don’t give a shit but we’ve all earned our places in Brian's life, ME most of all in spite of what Lindsey may think from time-to-time. Yeah, there’s a hierarchy and since I’ve known him the longest he’s first and I’m second; there’s only room at the top for us two. Not even Mom and Uncle Vic can replace me. But back to Brian… other than us few exceptions, Brian gets rimmed and he fucks hard but no one can have him. I left out sucking because people suck him, not the other way around. Justin is just the guy he fucked more than once...nothing more. The fucking twink is Kinney Kryptonite and has been since night one. That’s what I think and since I know Brian better than anyone else on the planet, my opinion should count the most. You think so too, don’t you? Of course you do. I don’t even know why bothered to ask. 

Anyway, I tried to look out for him like Galaxy Lad did for Captain Astro; tried to keep Brian focused on BRIAN like he always has been. But maybe…but…. I don't know. This kid seems to have changed the man I’ve known for over half my life into some mythical creature I no longer recognize as Brian Kinney and in ways I really don’t understand. I just know that he’s not the man I used to know as my ‘best friend’ anymore. He’s not the hero of my fantasies or reality anymore. I mean he’s still strong and brave and of course he’s still hot but he’s not like before. He doesn’t depend on me the way he used to. I can’t see him going out and taking on the world like I used to think he would. Since Justin came along Brian’s more like just a regular guy now. He’s not so out there. He’s not... He’s… He’s… 

Oh my God, have I really done that to him? Did I really turn him into a fantasy hero like one of my comic book characters based on principles from when we were kids and really didn’t know any better? It seemed like Brian was always afraid of growing up but when he finally started to, I guess I felt like he was trying to leave me behind somehow. Like everything I knew was changing. Like Brian was outgrowing ME and that wasn’t supposed to happen. We were supposed to always be together, retire in Palm Springs and sip mimosas in mumus. Friends to the end… 

When the fuck did that change? Who decided to change that? I DIDN’T! It’s like he refuses to stay the same but I don’t want things to change. I don’t like it. Justin broke Brian and he needs to be fixed ASAP so that we can get back to our lives. Back to the way we all used to be. I knew that kid would be trouble for Brian; I just knew it but would anybody listen... NO! ‘Michael, you have to start living your own life,’ they said. And, ‘Michael, Brian is a grown man who can make his own decisions,’ they argued. Well look at where that has gotten us... Gotten ME! 

WHERE THE HELL IS MY BEST FRIEND?

Brian has allowed that playground pup to warp his mind and force him to do things he would NEVER do. The sooner Brian realizes this, the sooner I can step back into my rightful place as the love of his life.

Okay...so what if Brian can't admit to it right now, everyone knows that WE should be together. That I am the only person that can love him the way he should be. If only he would cut down on the tricking enough to pay attention to what we have. I'm tired of him breaking my heart over and over again, and now he wants to give what's rightfully mine to that...that...crumbsnatcher? 

No, I simply cannot allow Justin to ruin our relationship. Damn...I forgot Brian doesn't do relationships. Why do I all of a sudden feel the need to apologize?