Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 1



Fall 2000

Justin Taylor, seventeen year old virgin, horny and looking to get laid, set his foot on Liberty Avenue, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, for the very first time. The night was damp and cool. It had rained earlier and little puddles of water lay in the street and along the sidewalk.

Justin pulled his jean jacket tighter around himself. He was shivering, but he knew it wasn't from the cold. It was from anticipation, from what he was planning to do, from what he hoped was going to happen.

He had been dropped off near Liberty by his friend Daphne Chanders. She had to rush back home before they found out that she was missing, and that she had taken the family car without permission. Daphne had wished Justin good luck before she took off. Justin prayed that her good wishes would come true.

He walked along the sidewalk studying the people who passed by. He had never seen anything like it. People who looked like women, but were over six feet tall. People in skimpy costumes with their asses hanging out. Same sex couples who laughed and kissed and seemed to see nothing strange about what was going on around them. For Justin it was all new and … wonderful.

He stopped on the sidewalk looking around. He was trying to decide what would be the best way to proceed. Some of the people walking by him he found rather frightening. They were too bizarre or too preoccupied or too fierce looking for him to talk to. Some wore leathers that made them look sinister. Some wore next to nothing, and that was frightening in its own way.

Justin wondered if he had made a big mistake in coming to Liberty Avenue. He pulled the cigarette from behind his ear. He thought it would make him look older than his seventeen years if he was smoking. He lit the cigarette and took a puff making sure not to cough. That would be a dead giveaway that he really didn't know what the fuck he was doing.

He looked across the street and saw a man leaning against the street sign. He was old…er, but he was wearing normal clothes, a T-shirt and jeans. He looked … safe, compared to a lot of the people he had seen already. Taking a longer drag on his cigarette and steeling himself for what he was going to do, Justin stepped off the sidewalk into a shallow puddle of water. He heard the squish as his running shoe pushed the water aside. He started across the street towards his target.

About halfway across the street a man bumped his shoulder turning him part way around. Justin looked at the guy who totally ignored him, seemingly oblivious to having run into him. It made Justin wonder if he was invisible or maybe too unattractive to gay men to rate a simple "sorry". He felt his resolve waver, and he almost turned around and went back. However, he knew he wanted something from Liberty Avenue this night. He had no intention of leaving without it.

Justin stepped up to the man leaning against the sign post. "Excuse me," he began. "Uh, could you tell me … like … where's a good place to go?" Justin held his breath waiting for an answer.

The man looked him up and down. Justin felt his cheeks grow red. Finally the man said, "Depends what you're looking for. You want twinkies, go to Boy Toy. You want leather, go to the Meathook. You want snotty, conceited assholes who think they're better than everyone else, try Pistol." The dark haired man gave a smile as he sized up this young interloper on Liberty Avenue. Maybe it was worth a try. "It's kind of late to be out though, isn't it?" He smiled with his version of ingratiating. "Especially on a school night," he added. "Why don't you come home with me?" He placed his arm on Justin's shoulder and cupped his neck, rubbing suggestively with his thumb.

"No thanks," Justin said quickly and stepped back so that the man's hand would no longer be in contact with his skin. This was definitely not what he was looking for.

The man smirked knowingly. "Go on home to your mommy," he said sarcastically. "Go on!"

Justin flinched at the words. This wasn't at all the way it was supposed to be. He had merely wanted some information from the man, not to be propositioned and touched. He quickly turned away and started back across the street … to safety. He had made a mistake. He should not have gone up to that man. He should not have come to Liberty Avenue. His dream of what would happen this night on Liberty Avenue was quickly swirling into the proverbial toilet.

Everyone seemed to know he was a kid, inexperienced, green, not worth the time or effort … except for that guy he had talked to. He walked across the street, taking a puff of his cigarette which he remembered was still in his hand. He hoped it would calm his nerves.

Dejectedly Justin walked along the street, sucking on his cigarette from time to time. He felt defeated. His big plans to begin his life as a gay man had all been shot to hell. He had wanted to get laid, but not by just anybody, certainly not by that guy. He shuddered involuntarily at the thought of the man's touch. He took a last puff on the cigarette. He felt the familiar burn in his lungs and savored the heat. He was suddenly very cold. The cigarette suddenly tasted like shit and he threw the butt into a puddle where it fizzled and died, just like his dreams.

Justin walked a little further wondering what he should do now. He couldn't go home. He wasn't sure he could go back to Daphne's, but he decided that maybe that was what he was going to have to do. He walked over a vent that was spewing steam and felt the damp warmth envelop him. That was when he realized he was shivering.

With a sigh he leaned against a lamppost that was close by. His head fell to one side as he pondered what to do next. All his former plans were useless.



*****



Brian Kinney, the stud of Liberty Avenue came down the steps of Babylon carrying his leather jacket. He was pissed. The fucking asshole that he had taken to the back room had been a major disappointment. Calling him mediocre would be way too generous. And Brian wasn't feeling generous. He was still horny, and generally pissed off with everything.

He walked up behind his friend Michael Novotny and threw his arm over Michael's shoulder, letting it rest there.

"That was quick," Michael observed. He had ventured into the back room to find Brian because Ted and Emmett, their other friends, were ready to leave Babylon. He had found Brian with his dick out and some guy ready to suck him off. That had barely been five minutes ago, quick even by Brian's standards.

"Well, when you’ve had as much practice as he has…" Ted said in his rather lame version of snarkiness.

"I got bored," Brian stated as he started towards his Jeep, his arm still around Michael. He was tweaked and horny and generally pissed off. He could always depend on Michael to be there for him. He saw Michael look longingly up at him.

"I know! Getting your dick sucked can be so tedious," Emmett offered.

"He looked hot," Michael supplied.

"Anybody'd look hot to you," Brian said uncharitably as he threw his jacket into the back of his Jeep. Sometimes he wondered why he spent so much time with Ted and Emmett and Michael. They liked nothing better than to take pot shots at him, but then he did the same to them, only much worse. That was the nature of their relationship.

He glanced up the street before he climbed into the vehicle. That was when he saw him. Some guy, a kid really, caught his attention. He walked out of the mist from a vent, the lights of Liberty turning the mist yellow ... or golden. Brian snorted to himself. It was merely steam, but his drug enhanced vision was playing tricks on him. Out of that mist walked this man/boy/kid/twink, his next trick. Brian wasn't sure what the guy was, but he knew immediately that he was fresh meat, someone he had never seen before. And he wanted him.

Without a second's hesitation Brian started across the street. The others stared at this abrupt change of events, not knowing what Brian was up to or where he was going.

Justin felt eyes boring into him and he straightened his head and looked across the street. The most beautiful man he had ever seen was staring at him. And then the man began walking towards him. Justin felt his heart race. He knew he had stopped breathing but he couldn't make himself do anything. All he was capable of was staring into those mesmerizing eyes and watching them come closer and closer. This could be what he had come to Liberty Avenue to find.

Brian was almost to the sidewalk, his eyes locked on the potential trick. He walked right up to the kid whose back was pressed firmly against the lamppost. He deliberately invaded the guy's space getting as close to him as he dared, without actually touching him. He enjoyed the sexual power he had over men of any age. This one would be no different.

Justin sucked in a breath as the handsome man walked right towards him. He kept coming, their eyes locked on each other, until he was mere inches away from Justin. Justin could feel the man's breath on his cheek as they stared into each other's eyes. It was hot and smelled like cigarettes … and something else. It was a heady combination whatever it was.

Brian gave himself an inward shake as he looked into the bluest eyes he had ever seen. He knew he needed to say something. He needed to establish that he was the one in control, that he would lead and this boy would follow. Of that he had no doubt.

"How's it going?" Brian said, before he realized he sounded a lot like Ted. 'Fuck!' he chastised himself, quickly asking, "You had a busy night?" to cover that inadvertent Ted moment.

Justin tried to get some saliva to lubricate his mouth and he prayed his vocal chords would vibrate if he tried to answer. He wasn't at all sure that he could make his voice work. This beautiful man was so close to him. He could reach right out and touch him, if only he dared.

"Just, ah … checking out the bars," Justin managed to get out. He licked his lips, knowing that his mouth had gone bone dry. He hoped he didn't sound too young or naïve as he managed to get his voice box to actually produce sound. "You know, Boy Toy, Meathook." He rhymed off the bars that the guy had just mentioned to him.

"Meathook, really?" Brian asked with a raised eyebrow and a little chuckle. "So you're into leather?" he asked deliberately baiting the kid.

"Sure," Justin replied realizing how lame that sounded even to his own ears.

Brian smirked knowing that the kid had no idea what the leather scene was like. That didn't stop Brian from wanting him though. The soft full lips that were only inches away from his own were a very tempting sight. Brian wanted nothing more than to pull the kid against him and kiss those lips until the boy begged for more. And then Brian would oblige him in that too.

"Where ya headed?" Brian decided to ask, wanting to be sure that the kid was ripe and ready for the picking. He certainly gave that impression.

"No place special," Justin replied. The only special place he wanted to be was with this man, in his arms, in his bed, wherever the guy wanted to take him. He was ready to give himself to the handsome stranger. This was the man he had come to Liberty Avenue to find. He knew it.

"I can change that," Brian replied.

And they both knew that he most definitely could. He would change everything in Justin's young life, and that was exactly what Justin wanted him to do.

"Brian! Brian!" Michael was calling to him.

Brian felt the spell he had been under crack. He turned his head and looked away from the boy. "What?" he demanded annoyed.

"It's Mel … on the phone. Lindsay's having the baby."

"What?" Brian demanded. Suddenly he was interested. "The baby?"

"Yeah," Michael said. "They're at the hospital. They've been trying to reach you."

"My cell was off," Brian said looking from Michael to the young man waiting expectantly for him on the sidewalk.

"They tried my cell as a last resort," Michael explained. "Come on; we need to get to the hospital."

Brian looked one more time at the young man. He shrugged and gave a wry little smile. Then he turned completely around and ran back to the Jeep. He jumped in with Michael and they screeched away careening down the street.

Justin screamed inwardly, 'Don't go! You're the one! I need you!' But the handsome man, apparently named Brian, could not hear his silent pleas. He reached the Jeep and climbed in with the little man who had shouted to him.

Justin watched the Jeep disappear around the corner. Then he let himself breathe and tried not to scream in frustration.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 2





"Brian, you're going to be a dad," Michael babbled as the Jeep careened through the streets of Pittsburgh. "Do you fucking believe it? You're going to be a father. I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl. Can you believe it?" Michael looked over at Brian from whom he got no response. "Brian? Brian! Brian!!!"

"Huh?" Brian said as he stared straight ahead.

"Aren't you excited? It's finally happening. You're going to be a father. Maybe it's already happened. Can you believe it?"

"No, I can't fucking believe it. I … Fuck! I'm going to have a baby. How the fuck did that happen? Why didn't somebody stop me," Brian said with a frown. All he could think about, all he wanted to think about, was a pair of blue eyes staring back at him from under that lamppost and a slim, warm body that could have been so … interesting. And now instead, Lindsay was in the process of having his child.

"Hello! I did try to stop you,” Michael informed him, “but Lindsay fed you that line of crap, and nine months later, you're going to be a daddy."

"Fuck!" Brian repeated as he guided the Jeep through the streets towards the hospital. He'd much rather be in his bed at the loft with that kid with the blue eyes. He could only begin to imagine all the things he could have taught that kid. He was hard just thinking about it.



*****



Justin watched the taillights of the Jeep disappear from view. He felt like something important had failed to happen. When that man had walked across the street towards him, he had known instinctively that he was the one. The one that he had come to Liberty Avenue to find.

He was sure that guy had been who he was supposed to go with tonight. But the opportunity had been missed. If only that short, dark haired guy had kept his mouth shut. He wasn't sure what the guy had been calling out to … Brian, yeah, Brian! That was the name he had used. His handsome man was named Brian. Justin wasn't sure what had been the problem, but it had been something about someone having a baby. Whatever it was, it had made Brian hurry away.

If only….

Justin shook his head and pushed himself off the lamppost. There was no point in wishing for what wasn't going to be. The opportunity had been lost. Everything he had hoped for and dreamed about wasn't going to happen. So what the fuck should he do now?

Justin debated trying to find another man, someone else to be his first. But since he had seen Brian, he didn't think anyone else could quite fill that bill. It was Brian that he wanted, Brian that he was supposed to be with.

He began to walk towards the corner of the street. People walked by ignoring him, lost in their own thoughts or their conversations with each other. A few guys gave him some approving looks, but they weren't Brian. In his mind Justin could clearly see those hazel eyes with flecks of gold, and that mouth that looked so tempting, and the body that was all long and lean and absolutely perfect. Brian was the one, the only one, for him. But Brian had gone away to something more important. Justin had been left to fend for himself on Liberty Avenue.

With a final glance at the people of the street, Justin turned the corner and sat down on the bench at the bus stop. He shivered a little, more from disappointment than from the cold. He hoped a bus came soon. He didn't think he could stand to be anywhere near Liberty Avenue much longer.



*****



Brian pulled the Jeep into the hospital parking lot. Michael had been blathering at him the whole way there, about how Brian's life was going to change, about all the things he would have to do now that he was a father, about the fucking future.

"Mikey, shut the fuck up!"

"Hey," Michael said indignantly.

"Come on, let's go find the lesbian birthing lair," Brian said sarcastically.

Michael giggled and followed Brian into the hospital.



*****



"Hello?"

"Daph, it's me."

"Justin, are you all right? Where are you? Did something bad happen? I've been so worried."

"Jesus, Daph, I'm okay."

"Oh, thank God."

"I … can I come spend the night at your place?" Justin asked uncertainly.

"Sure, yes, of course. Justin, what happened?"

"Nothing happened. That's the problem," Justin sighed.

"Nothing? You mean you didn't find any…"

"No, I didn't find anyone. I'm still a fucking virgin."

"I … I guess I'm sorry. I know you wanted…"

"Could we save this discussion until I get to your place?"

"Sure, um, do you need me to come get you?" Daphne asked.

Justin smiled. He could always count on Daphne. "Do you think it's smart to steal your parents' car twice in one night?"

"Asshole!" Daphne reacted.

Justin chuckled in spite of how miserable he felt. "There's a bus coming. I see it down the street."

"I'll be waiting for you. I'll let you in when you get here."

"Okay, and thanks, Daph."

"See you soon."

Justin closed his cell phone. He stood up and waited for the bus to come to a stop.



*****



Brian burst into Lindsay's room, closely followed by Michael. He looked around the room seeing the band of lesbians who had arrived to lend moral support to Lindsay and her husband, Melanie. He looked towards the bed and saw Lindsay looking tired but happy, holding a wriggling bundle in her arms.

"Oh, my God," Brian blurted out.

Lindsay smiled. "Say hello to your son."

Brian stood transfixed at the sight. He had a son. His child was now a reality. He felt something well up inside him, and he didn't know what to say or do.

Michael gestured for Brian to go into the room. "Go on," he said gently.

"When did it start?" Brian asked as he neared the bed and peered down at the tiny baby.

"Around seven," Melanie snarked, her voice dripping with disapproval of all things Brian. Brian gave her a glance for the first time since he'd entered the room.

"Six hours later, there he was," Lindsay said with a little chuckle and a big smile for her newborn son.

"I wish I could have been here," Brian said. Then he realized how lesbianic that sounded. "How often do I get to see snatch?" he added to cover himself. He didn't want the assembled lesbians to think he was all soft and mushy about the birth of his son. The lesbians all made suitably disapproving noises about his comment. Brian leaned over the bed closer to Lindsay, and stared at his son. He couldn't believe that this little creature was really a part of him. The birth of his son was a wonder that he never thought he would experience.

"Looks just like you," Lindsay said all soft and sentimental.

"I guess he must be mine then," Brian replied entranced by the little guy who wriggled around in his mother's arms.

"Want to hold him?"

Brian reached over and slid his hands under the baby's back and head. He couldn't believe how little and how light the small bundle was.

"Careful, don't drop him!" Melanie ordered reaching out to help, as if Brian would carelessly allow his son to fall out of his hands or would intentionally hurt him.

"That's just what I was planning on doing," Brian replied sarcastically. He held the baby out in front of him so he could get a clear look at him. He felt wonder well up again. This was his son, his contribution to the continuation of the human race, maybe his chance for redemption as far as fatherhood was concerned.

Then reality reared its ugly head. Who was he kidding? This was Lindsay and Melanie's baby. They would make all the decisions about the baby’s life. Brian was merely the sperm donor. But for some reason, at that very moment, he almost felt like a father.

"We've been thinking about names," Lindsay said staring into Brian's eyes and giving him a little signal that she hoped he would pick up on. "Mel wants to call him Abraham after her grandfather, but I like Gus." She made a small movement with her finger indicating he should pick the last one.

"Hm," Brian mused. He wasn't sure he liked either of those names, but Gus was definitely the better of the two. "Gus is a nice manly name, I suppose. What do you think?" He turned to Michael.

Michael looked stunned at being asked. "I like either name," he stated, wanting to keep the peace. He wasn't going to fall into the trap of choosing one name over the other and then have to suffer the wrath of the mother whose name was not chosen. "You could call him Abraham Augustus," Michael suggested. "That way you get to have both names."

"I like that," Melanie agreed. "But he'll be called Abraham."

Lindsay looked pleadingly at Brian who refused to fight this battle. Whatever they called the baby, Gus or Abraham, he would be their son. He would be raised by lesbians. Brian would have no say. The fatherly feelings he was having at the moment would soon fade. He was sure of that. It was better to leave these things to the women.

"Abraham Augustus Markus-Peterson," Melanie stated.

Brian stared at the baby who took that moment to throw up his little arm. His tiny hand came into contact with Brian's cheek. Brian felt himself melt at the touch. He wanted to crush the baby against his chest, but he forced himself to refrain from doing that. He most definitely did not want a public display of emotion.

"Well, Abraham Augustus, welcome to the world," Brian said, his face a breath away from his son's. The baby kicked his feet and moved his arms. Brian could swear he was trying to talk to him, trying to tell him something important.

Michael chose that moment to snap a picture of the new father and son, and the spell between the two was broken.



*****



"Come on in," Daphne whispered, grabbing Justin's arm and pulling him into the house. "Be quiet." She took his hand and they ran silently up the stairs to Daphne's bedroom. Once inside Daphne closed the door as quietly as possible and turned the lock. "Spill! I want to hear everything," she stated.

Justin sighed and dropped down onto her bed. He hesitated before saying anything, but he couldn't resist the expectant smile on Daphne's face. He started his tale with walking along Liberty Avenue and all the amazing things he had seen. And once he started, it all came pouring out. The man who told him to go home to his mommy, all the weird people he saw and encountered, the new world that was out there, the world that he had thought he was about to join. He told her about standing against a lamppost and how this incredible man had walked right up to him and offered to change his life. He knew he was smiling as he stopped at that point. It had been the best moment of his whole life, a moment that had held the promise of so much more.

"So, if you met this guy, what happened?" Daphne wanted to know, when Justin failed to continue his story.

"He … he was with a group of friends, and this other guy called out to him. He … went with him," Justin said sadly.

"Was the other guy his boyfriend?"

Justin shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think so. He seemed real interested in me … for a minute anyway."

"Then what would make him leave you?" Daphne asked puzzled.

"His friend called out something about a baby being born."

"A baby? His baby? But, he was gay, wasn't he?"

"He sure seemed like he was gay."

"Then whose baby would it be that would make him rush to the hospital for the birth?"

"Who knows? Maybe his sister or something?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm so sorry it didn't turn out better, Justin."

"That makes two of us," Justin sighed. "I was sure Brian was the one."

"Brian, was that his name?"

Justin nodded. "That's what his friend called him."

"Well, maybe you could go back next weekend," Daphne suggested hopefully.

"Naw, I think tonight was my big chance … and somehow it all went wrong."

"I'm sorry," Daphne repeated. She sat down next to Justin on the bed and pulled him into a hug. After a minute she said, "You could always fuck me, and then we could stop being virgins together."

Justin snorted out a laugh. "That would truly be a night to remember."

"Hey, you don't need to make fun of me," Daphne said indignantly.

"I wasn't making fun of you. It … it's just not what I envisioned for tonight."

"I know, but the offer's still open."

"I'm really tired, Daph. Let's go to sleep."

"Okay," she agreed as they slid up the bed. Fully clothed they lay side by side until Daphne pulled Justin against her and held him tightly, keeping him safe from the hurts of the world outside her room. "I love you, Justin."

"I love you too," Justin sighed, as he closed his eyes.

Daphne curled up against her best friend. "I really meant that offer."

"I know."

Daphne closed her eyes and soon they were both asleep. Justin dreamed of the handsome man he had met on Liberty Avenue, the man who should have changed his life, the man with the face of God.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 3





Late Fall 2000

Justin walked down the hall at St. James Academy. He saw the group of jocks up ahead and he hesitated in his stride. He was sure they all suspected he was gay. Just because he was didn't mean that he was ready to admit it to everyone. It was bad enough to be called a fag, but so much worse when he had never had any of the benefits of the name. If he had actually experienced gay sex, he might not have minded the name calling.

After his aborted trip to Liberty Avenue, Justin decided that he would wait before attempting to lose his virginity another time. He still felt that Brian had been the one for him. He had pondered the chances of going back to Liberty Avenue and finding his dream man once again. Some part of him knew that that was highly unlikely, and if truth be told, he was a little afraid to try. He wasn't sure why, but he had an overwhelming feeling that he wasn't supposed to find anyone else on Liberty Avenue. That was reserved for him and his Brian. If it never happened again, then so be it. He would find someone else in another place and time. But he wouldn't find the man for him on Liberty Avenue, unless it was Brian.

Justin often thought about Brian. He could easily picture those gold flecked eyes that had stared into his for an all too brief moment. He would get hard at the thought. He longed to be pulled into Brian's arms. He could almost taste those luscious lips. There were many nights that he jerked off to the memory of his fleeting encounter with Brian, and the imagined aftermath, as he conjured up their possible activities in his mind.

He had sketchbooks full of Brian's face and body and eyes and hands, and other parts. He had committed that moment under the streetlamp to memory. He would never forget it, and if it did start to fade, he had all his sketches to remind him of what he had seen and felt and experienced, and also lost that night.

Justin continued down the hall. He sucked in a deep breath and braced himself as he neared the jocks. They glanced at him and whispered something, but he hurried past, and they didn't interfere with him. He went through the front doors and outside. Daphne was sitting on their favorite ledge eating some kind of wrap. He went over and sat down beside her.

"Want some?" she asked.

He shook his head as he took out his sketchbook. He flipped to a new page and started to draw Brian's eyes. Daphne recognized the eyes immediately. She had seen Justin draw them so many times since his encounter with the infamous Brian on Liberty Avenue. She wished her friend would find someone his own age to have sex with and forget about this mystery man who had abandoned Justin and had gone away with his friends.

*****

Brian sat in a meeting with Tweedledum and Tweedledee, otherwise known as Bob and Brad at the Ryder Advertising Agency. They were about to show Brian their latest attempt at good advertising. They had been asked to come up with a concept for selling a butt ugly shoe that Brian had not wanted to deal with himself.

Brad, or Bob, one of them, did it matter, had been telling Brian that he would love their latest idea for selling Silverman's hideous shoes. That was when someone Brian had never seen before chose that moment to stick his head into Brian's office. Brian glanced up and saw a not unattractive young man. He felt his cock stir in his pants. His gaydar kicked in, as he noted the tasty morsel standing in front of him. Then common sense took hold. Better not to mix sex with work at the office. Besides, the guy wasn't that great, just fresh meat, which was becoming harder and harder for Brian to find. He had fucked most of gay Pittsburgh, and his no repeats policy, was seriously beginning to limit his choices.

"I'm looking for the Silverman Shoe meeting," the young man said.

"You found it."

"Mr. Ryder asked me to sit in. I'm Kip Thomas."

"Sit yourself down, Kip Thomas," Brian said, deciding that this guy could stay. It might prove interesting. Brad and Bob looked pissed. That made Brian all the more sure that he wanted to keep this Kip Thomas around.

Brad or Bob started their pitch. It was fucking awful. You couldn't even see the fucking shoe in their ad. How were you supposed to sell something that was invisible to the potential buyer?

"What do you think, Kip Thomas?" Brian asked, interrupting Brad or Bob's lame presentation. He wanted to see if this newcomer had a brain or was just another of Marty Ryder's useless acquisitions.

To Brian's total lack of surprise, this new guy thought the proposed ad was good. Kip Thomas was another ass kisser just like all the rest. With a sigh Brian was about to rip them all a new one, when Kip opened his mouth again and said something that actually made Brian sit up and take notice.

"I'd have a close-up of the shoe with a thought bubble saying 'I'm a classic'," Kip suggested.

Brian immediately liked the idea of calling the shoe a classic, and focusing totally on the shoe itself, even if it was a fucking ugly piece of craftsmanship. That was a far better idea than Brad and Bob's lame excuse for an ad.

"Draw up your ideas," Brian said decisively, as Brad and Bob scowled at Kip and looked thoroughly disgusted at this turn of events. Brian smiled to himself. Maybe this Kip Thomas had some talent after all.

*****

Justin was sitting in the bleachers at the school. The football team was practicing out on the field. He had his sketchbook open and was drawing Chris Hobbs. The guy had a great butt which filled his football uniform very nicely. Shading in that area, adding the lines that would make Chris' ass look round and firm, Justin felt himself grow hard. Maybe he and Chris…

"Heads up!" someone shouted.

Justin looked up just in time to see a football heading right at him. He stuck up his hands, and lo and behold, the ball landed right in his arms. He smiled as he realized he had made a pretty damn good catch.

"Nice catch," Chris Hobbs called as he trotted towards Justin to retrieve the ball. They stared at each other for just a fraction of a second.

Justin grinned. He tossed the ball somewhat awkwardly to Chris. "Thanks," he said.

Chris turned and ran back to his team. Justin adjusted his slacks and watched him go. He had felt something, although what it was, he wasn't exactly sure. He picked up his sketchbook and stared at his drawing of Chris.

*****

A Few Days Later

Brian was working on his latest idea for the Liberty Air campaign. Liberty Air was one of his biggest accounts and he wanted the ads to be perfect. They could get him national attention if he handled their account right. And he wanted that national attention. He wanted to go to New York City, to a bigtime ad agency, where he would make a real impact on the advertising world.

There was a tap on his door and a voice said, "Brian?"

Brian turned and saw Kip Thomas standing there. "You CEO of the company yet?" Brian joked. It was meant to be clever, but he knew there was more than one grain of truth in that statement. He had sensed Kip's ambition from the outset. Since he had allowed Kip to work on the Silverman Shoe ads, that ambition had become more and more obvious.

Kip smiled. "Give me a week or two," he chuckled. "So, Mr. Ryder told me you're going to use my ideas for the shoe ads."

"I'll steal anything good and put my name on it," Brian said flippantly. He was glad to use Kip's ideas and not have to come up with an idea for himself. God, he hated those hideous shoes.

"That's great … although Bob and Brad aren't too happy about it," Kip admitted.

Brian thought he heard just a trace of gloating in that statement. Kip Thomas definitely had aspirations for greater things, and he didn't seem to care who he walked over to get to them. Brian could identify with that.

"People with no talent usually aren't," Brian replied, "when someone with real talent comes along." And Brian meant that. Kip was the first person that Ryder had hired in quite a while who seemed to have some real talent for advertising. This guy could go a long way, but of course, Brian would be just that much farther ahead of good old Kip. He smiled to himself at the thought. A New York agency couldn't be far away for him when his Liberty Air campaign went national.

"Yeah, I hear you're pretty talented yourself," Kip was saying. There was a hint of something in his voice. Brian's eyebrows went up. "In fact, you have a reputation…" Kip let the words hang in the air.

Yes, there was definitely something there, Brian thought. "I do!" Brian said smugly.

"…for being the best account exec in the company," Kip clarified.

"That too," Brian said, intending the sexual double entendre that was clearly there. He wasn't ready to call a halt to this … yet.

"And that's why I asked if I could work with you."

Brian's eyebrow arched in surprise. "I thought Ryder assigned you."

"I lied." Kip didn't sound in the least remorseful about the lie, but why should he? It got him what he wanted. He was noticed and his career was advancing. Brian had to admire that.

Brian stood up, lifting the board he had been working on off his desk. "Come here for a second," he ordered. "Let me show you something." He held the board so Kip could look at it. He felt the man lean a bit too close against him, and then again, maybe it wasn't too close at all. "This is a new campaign we're starting for Liberty Air. I want you on the team," he added, making that decision as he stood there. Kip Thomas had a good eye and a clever brain. He could use his talent.

"Oh my God, that's fantastic!" Kip gushed. "Wow! How can I ever thank you?"

Brian looked into Kip's eyes. He could think of a good way that would involve a condom and a warm, tight place to put his dick. "By doing a good job," Brian replied, keeping his voice level.

"You can count on it," Kip said sincerely.

They looked in each other's eyes for a brief second before Kip headed toward the door. Brian swallowed. He knew Kip Thomas was ripe for the picking, but this was work. It was no place to be literally screwing around with his colleagues. He turned his back and studied the Liberty Air board on his desk. He waited to hear his office door shut behind Kip.

Instead he heard Kip say, "I just want you to know you can count on me for anything – day or night."

And there it was. The blatant offer. Brian turned to look at Kip. How long could he keep denying himself? The smell of fresh ass was heady and overpowering. "You really are going for the gold watch," he stated. Kip could interpret that however he chose.

"I mean it," Kip said moving closer to Brian, invading his personal space. "'Cause I think you're really, really amazing." His voice had grown soft and suggestive. He stepped even closer.

Brian knew Kip was no longer talking about ads. Kip's face got closer inch by inch. With hardly any movement Brian could have kissed him. And then he felt Kip's hand slide against his hardening cock.

"What are you doing?" Brian asked, staring into Kip's eyes.

"Shit! I'm sorry," Kip apologized taking a step back. Obviously he had made a big mistake. He had thought Kinney was up for this. He was a gorgeous hunk of a man. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" he stammered and then stopped unsure how to finish that sentence. Could he admit what he wanted? "Look, I don't know what I was thinking." Kip headed for the door, mortified, and eager to escape.

With a couple of long strides Brian reached the door first, blocking Kip's way. "Yeah, well, whatever you thought, you thought wrong," Brian stated. He made his voice sound pissed. Nobody made moves on him. "Because I'm the one who makes the first move." Brian snapped the lock on the door in place. He was the one in control. He would show this young upstart who ran the show, the hell with the consequences. He was going to fuck Kip Thomas' ass off.

With deft hands, Brian closed the Venetian blinds and ripped open the shirt of his young protégé. He swept his desk clear with his arm and continued to get rid of clothes, both Kip's and his own. With true showmanship he tossed a condom in the air and caught it in his teeth. He ripped it open and sheathed his dick. He was going to pound the living shit out of Kip Thomas.

And that's exactly what he did, right on his desk in his office at the Ryder Advertising Agency.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 4





St. James Academy

Horner was droning on about F. Scott Fitzgerald and The Great Gatsby. Justin was sitting at his desk in English lit. However, his mind was far away as he sketched the naked back of his mysterious Brian. He had never actually seen that back but he had a vivid imagination. He added a bit of shading to the bum and spread it more evenly with a rub of his finger.

Horner was asking him something about yearning and he gave the right answer. He knew all about yearning, he thought, as he looked at the drawing.

Chris Hobbs was smirking at him. He could really hate the arrogant jock, or he could enjoy looking at him, as he often did. He had many drawings of Chris Hobbs in his sketchbook too. There weren't as many as there were of Brian, but still quite a few. Chris played a lot of sports. Justin had drawn him in his football gear and his track shorts and his baseball uniform. Justin looked at Chris and wondered.

Being a virgin was really wearing on Justin's nerves. He wanted to find someone to experiment with, but he was sure he was the only gay kid in all of St. James Academy. What was a budding homosexual to do?



*****



Ryder Advertising

Brian stormed out of Ryder's office. It took all his will power not to slam the door. He walked briskly to his own office and allowed himself some small measure of satisfaction by slamming it hard enough to rattle the glass. He heard people in other offices making comments, before he dropped into the chair behind his desk, and muttered, "Fuck!"

A gentle tap on his door got his attention. He knew it would be Cynthia.

"Enter," he said.

"What happened?"

"He fucking put me off once again. No partnership," Brian told her, his face contorted in disgust.

"Shit!"

"He's promised me a partnership for almost a year, and every time I approach him about it, he fucking weasels out of it."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know … yet," Brian replied rubbing his fingertips on his temples. The beginnings of a massive headache were evident.

"Maybe you should start shopping your resume around," Cynthia suggested.

"Yeah, but not till after the Advertising Awards banquet. If I win that award, I can write my own ticket."

"You'll definitely win. That's the boss I know and love," Cynthia said with a smile.

"Thanks, and may your prediction be accurate, oh great soothsayer."



*****



St. James Academy

Justin opened the door to the sports equipment storage room. He could see Chris Hobbs tossing things around inside. He took a tentative step into the room and closed the door behind him.

"What the fuck do you want, Taylor?"

"I think Horner was being unreasonable to make you miss football practice."

"That fucking makes two of us!" Chris exclaimed before flopping down on the floor. "It will take all afternoon to clean up this fucking room."

"Here," Justin said handing Chris the soda he had got out of the vending machine in the hall.

"Thanks," Chris said as he popped it open. He took a long drink from the can then pressed the outside of it to his forehead. "It's so fucking hot and stuffy in here."

"Yeah," Justin agreed sitting down beside Chris. He felt his dick stir, sitting so close to the football star.

Justin tried to concentrate on what Chris was saying, something about all girls being dykes and whores. He agreed with whatever Chris had said.

"You know Mary Frances Cudaluto?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"She's the biggest tease of them all. She came over to my place one day after a game. She had all these rings on her fingers and they were cold. She started rubbing her hand against me. Next thing I know she's got my dick out and those rings were all cold and hard where she was rubbing."

Justin watched with fascination as Chris rubbed his own dick through the material of his slacks.

"Then all of a sudden she has to leave, has to get home." Chris' eyes closed as he continued to rub himself. "Fucking bitch!"

"You're hard," Justin whispered.

Taking matters into his own hands so to speak, Justin unzipped Chris' slacks and slipped his hand inside. When Chris didn't stop him, his hand closed over Chris' hard dick. Justin watched Chris' face as he started to jerk him off. Chris' head lolled back, his mouth dropped open and he let out short panting breaths. Justin felt the power that sex held over someone else. He continued to tug on Chris' dick until with a moan he felt Chris stiffen and spill his jizz into Justin's hand.

Making a face, but feeling very satisfied with himself nonetheless, Justin pulled his hand out of Chris' pants. He was about to wipe it off, when the door to the supply room opened and Mr. Horner stuck his head in. Chris leapt to his feet and started rearranging equipment.

Justin left as soon as he could. He couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if Horner hadn't interrupted them. Would Chris have reciprocated and jerked him off? Would they have kissed? What would Chris think about what Justin had done? Justin hurried into the boys' restroom, into a stall, where he jerked off to the memory of what had just happened.



*****



Ryder Advertising Agency – the next day

"Son of a bitch!"

"What's the matter, Boss?" Cynthia asked as she poked her head into Brian's office in time to hear the expletive.

"That fucking bastard, Kip Thomas!"

"What about him?"

"He's suing me."

"Suing you?" Cynthia asked. "Why?"

"Because I fucked the son of a bitch."

"You did what?" Cynthia asked in horror.

"You heard me."

"But…"

"He wanted it. In fact he practically begged for it. He even came to my fucking loft and wound up naked on my bed."

"Oh my God!"

"Don't sound so horrified. He's gay. I'm gay. We did it."

"Then what's he suing you about?" Cynthia wanted to know once her surprise had worn off.

"He says I promised to get him a promotion in return for sexual favors."

"You wouldn't do that!" Cynthia said decisively.

"You know that and I know that. I may need you as a character witness, because Ryder sure as fuck doesn't know that."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm suspended without pay until further notice."

"Shit!"



*****



St. James Academy

"You didn't!" Daphne said, a look of wonder on her face.

Justin grinned. "Yeah I did," he said proudly.

"Chris Hobbs … in the equipment room?"

"Yep, with my hand. It sounds like a game of Clue. You know, Professor Mustard in the library with a candlestick." Justin laughed. It was very liberating to have finally done something sexual … with someone else.

"And he just let you?'

"Let me! He loved it."

"No!"

"Yeah, he did."

"And then what happened?"

"Horner came in and interrupted us."

"Right in the middle of it?"

"No, actually I had just got Chris off and had taken my hand out of his pants."

Daphne giggled uncontrollably. "I would have liked to see Horner's face if he had come in while you were still jerking Chris off."

Justin made a face. "That might have been a little hard to explain."

"So what did Chris do when Horner came in?"

"He jumped up and started cleaning the equipment room. I got out of there as fast as I could."

"Have you seen Chris since?"

"No."

"What do you think he'll say?"

Justin frowned. "I don't know. It could be … awkward."

"Awkward! He could be in love with you."

"You're such a girl, Daph. What I did has nothing to do with love."

"But…"

"I just hope he doesn't decide that I'm a piece of shit and decide to mop the floor with me."

"You don't mop the floor with a piece of shit!" Daphne couldn't help laughing.

"You know what I mean."

"Why'd you do it?"

Justin shook his head. "I don't know. The opportunity was just there, and I went for it."

"We better get to class."

"Yeah." Justin gathered up his books and headed back into the school.



*****



Ryder Advertising Agency

"Have you got everything?" Cynthia asked as Brian gathered up the small box of personal belongings that he was taking home from his office.

"Yeah, such as it is."

"You'll be back soon … right after Kip Thomas gets what he deserves."

"Yeah right," Brian said sarcastically. This had already gone way farther than he had ever expected it to go. Kip Thomas was suing for mega bucks and Ryder was buying it hook, line and sinker.

"You don't think he's going to win, do you?'

"You know I've never been a big believer in the American justice system, especially as it applies to fags."

"Brian…"

"Don't. I'll be fine. I have to go."

"I'll be rooting for you," Cynthia said, reaching up to give him a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks," Brian said as he hoisted his box into his arms. "I'll take whatever influence I can get."

Cynthia watched Brian start down the hall. A few people stuck their heads out the doors of their offices to say goodbye. Some didn't. Cynthia made note of who they were. Somewhere down the line they'd regret that action.

Brian was noting the same thing as he made his slow march out of the Ryder Agency. Marty Ryder was conspicuously missing. Bob and Brad were probably someplace cracking open a bottle of champagne to toast Brian's demise. It was a good thing that Kip Thomas was not anywhere around.



*****



St. James Academy

"What are you looking at, fag?" Chris Hobbs demanded, as he stepped out in front of Justin. This was the first time Justin and Chris had come face to face since the incident in the equipment room.

"I'm not looking at anything," Justin replied. He tried to step around Chris, but the jock sidestepped and blocked his path.

"I think you were looking at my dick."

"Oh?" Justin said. "You think your dick's that special?"

Chris' face contorted with anger and he grabbed the front of Justin's jacket. With ease he propelled Justin against the lockers … hard. Justin felt the wind forced from his body and he started to crumple. Chris and his friends laughed and walked away.

Daphne rushed over to Justin and helped steady him before he slid to the floor. "Are you okay?" she asked, worry in her eyes.

"Just wonderful," Justin groaned as he managed to draw in a breath. "Nothing I like better than a brisk encounter with a fucking locker door."

"Do you need to go to the office?"

"Fuck no! That will only make things worse."

"Chris doesn't seem to remember what happened between you two with … fondness."

"You can say that again," Justin grimaced as he rubbed his hip where it had hit the locker.

"Let's get to class before we get marked late, and before anything else happens."

Daphne took Justin's arm and helped him proceed towards the math class that they were both in.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 5





Upscale Restaurant in Pittsburgh

Brian Kinney walked beside Melanie Markus along the entrance hallway into one of his favorite restaurants. No one would believe why he was there and what he was going to do. He had called Melanie and asked her to lunch. As much as doing that galled him, he knew it was necessary. Lindsay would be pissed when she found out, but there wasn't any other choice. His mind was totally on why he had called her to the exclusion of all else.

"Let me get this straight," Melanie was saying as he tuned back in. “You have the astonishingly breathtaking gall to ask me to represent you."

Brian smirked. Looked like they were both full of gall today. "Yeah, and I'll pay too," Brian said sarcastically. He truly needed a lawyer.

"Keep your money," Melanie retorted as she sat down at their table. "Because, from what I hear, you're going to need it."

"Fine! Homophobic corporate America wins again," Brian grumbled, but he sat down without removing his overcoat. He stuck his hands in his coat pockets and slumped down in his chair. He felt defeated. Nobody wanted to help. They were all quick to jump on him about his promiscuous behavior, like any of them gave a fuck what he did or what happened to him. Now that he was suspended and being sued, nobody would give him the time of day. They thought he was getting what he deserved.

"Oh please!" Melanie scoffed as she tossed her coat over the back of her chair and sat down. She leaned across the table getting her face closer to Brian's to make her point. "You're a white male. That still counts for something in this country." She sat back crossing her arms on her chest. She expected to get a rise out of Brian fucking Kinney, but he merely waited instead. "All right, just for laughs," Melanie chuckled after a pause, "give me your version of the story."

Brian stared at her and gave a little shrug. What could he say? "He wanted it. I gave it to him," Brian stated simply.

Melanie laughed. "Like I asked for – short but sweet."

Brian frowned. "It wasn't that short." He was getting pissed.

"And where did this act of selfless generosity take place?" she asked sarcastically. Who the fuck did Brian Kinney think he was? He was in big trouble at work, and she firmly intended to enjoy every moment of his misery.

"At my office and in my loft," Brian supplied, deliberately keeping his voice flat and emotionless. He didn't want to let her know when she got to him.

"So he couldn't have minded too much, if he came back for more," Melanie stated mulling that over in her head. She perked up a little at this revelation. Maybe there was some way to defeat this Kip Thomas after all, if she decided to get involved. Melanie enjoyed a good fight. She forgot for a moment that it would be Brian Kinney that she would be defending. Her legal mind had kicked in and she was figuring the best way to attack Thomas' case. "Go on," she said, wanting more information about what had happened.

"Then he asked me to help him get a promotion."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him he wasn't ready."

"How did he take it?"

"How do you think?" Brian asked. These questions were idiotic. Kip Thomas was suing his ass off. How did Melanie think he took it? Brian swallowed hard, keeping his temper under control. "He felt that because we are both gay and we'd fucked," Brian continued in measured tones, "that somehow he was entitled to a free ride. I didn't agree." Brian stopped there and watched Melanie.

She leaned back in her chair and sized up her "maybe" client. After a pause, she decided to take the bull by the horns, or maybe with Kinney, that should be by the dick. "How many tricks do you have a month?" she asked, giving no reason for her question.

Brian wondered what she was fishing for, but decided to answer short and sweet again. "Twenty, thirty," Brian supplied with a slight frown. He wished he could figure out where she was going with this.

"Jesus! What a life!" Melanie reacted.

"What does the number of guys I do, have to do with it?" Brian asked rather indignantly. He didn't like revealing things about his life to anyone, but especially to Melanie Markus. He was only answering because he hoped it would help her decide to take his case. He hated the thought of having to go searching for another lawyer who would know even less about him and ask even more questions.

Melanie snorted. "Well, for once, the fact that you screw everything that moves is your finest quality and your best defence. You didn't have to abuse your position at work to get laid," she explained, taking some of the rancor out of her voice.

"The fuck defence?" Brian asked in disbelief.

"We've got to prove that when this kid didn't get what he wanted, he decided to use law and order to get even." Melanie was already formulating how she would put Brian's case to a judge or a tribunal, or whatever the fuck method they used to decide Brian's punishment.

"Then you'll take the case?" Brian asked trying not to sound too hopeful, but he leaned forward in anticipation as he waited for Melanie's answer.

Melanie sat back, crossed her arms again and stared at Brian. "Look, not that I give a shit about saving your ass! But it might be amusing to have you indebted to me for the rest of your life," she told him smugly.

They stared at each other, understanding the unholy alliance that had just been created.



*****




Daphne's house

"What are you going to do?" Daphne asked.

"I don't know," Justin replied.

"But you can't keep letting Chris ram you into lockers and torment you."

"I can … and I have to."

"Report him to the principal," Daphne suggested.

"It won't do any good. He'll deny it, and worse, the principal will call my parents."

"So?"

"They don't know I'm gay."

"Maybe it's time they did," Daphne said thoughtfully.

"Daph, I can't…"

"Sure you can. Just tell them. It won't be so bad, and I'm sure your mother…"

"It's not my mother that I'm worried about," Justin sighed.

"Your Dad will be … upset, but he'll get used to it."

"No, I don't think he will."

"Why not?" Daphne wanted to know.

"I … yesterday I broached the topic of where I'm going to go to college," Justin explained.

"So?" Daphne asked with a frown.

"I really want to go to Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts."

"That's exactly where you should go," Daphne affirmed. "You're going to be an artist."

Justin shook his head. "I don't think so."

"What happened?"

"As soon as I mentioned PIFA, my Dad started into it. No son of his was going to some faggot college to learn a useless set of skills that would keep him in poverty for the rest of his life."

"He didn't say that?" Daphne asked in disbelief.

"Oh yeah, he did, and much more. I'm going to Dartmouth to major in business and that's that."

"But he can't make you," Daphne said.

"If I want him to pay for it, he can."

Daphne's mouth dropped open. "What are you going to do?"

"I guess I'm going to Dartmouth," Justin said with defeat clearly in his voice.

"But there must be some other way," Daphne protested.

Justin shook his head. "I've never heard my father so angry. Apparently he's been planning for me to follow in his footsteps at Dartmouth for all these years. He won't hear of anything else."

"I'm sorry, Justin."

"Me too, but it's not the end of the world. I went on the internet last night. Dartmouth has art courses and a decent art museum. Dad doesn't care what my minor is as long as I major in business. I think that's the route I'll go."

"Really? You're not going to fight him on this?"

"What good would it do? He holds all the cards."

"I still think it sucks."

"Sometimes life's a bitch as they say."

"If anyone can make Dartmouth work, you can."

Justin smiled. "Thanks, Daph. I'm still going to be an artist. I'll always be an artist at heart. It just may take a little longer to get some recognition in that field."

Daphne pulled her best friend into a warm hug. Justin would be all right. He had to be.



*****


Ryder Agency

Brian and Melanie sat in the board room at Ryder. This was to be a preliminary meeting between Brian's lawyer and Kip Thomas' lawyer. Melanie adjusted her papers.

"You're sure he doesn't have a leg to stand on?" Brian asked.

"He is suing you for sexual harassment when it's basically your word against his. He's the one trying to gain by his threats of legal action. I think we have a strong chance of winning."

Brian looked at her. "I fucking hope you're right."

"I am," Melanie said confidently.

The door to the room opened. In came Marty Ryder and a man that Brian knew as the firm's lawyer. There was no sign of Kip Thomas.

"What's going on?" Melanie asked.

"This is Matthew Luongo," Marty said. "He's the agency's lawyer."

"Hello, Mr. Luongo," Melanie said standing and extending her hand. They shook hands. Brian remained seated. He had met Matt before, and he wasn't sure he liked the direction this was going. "I was under the impression I was meeting with Mr. Thomas and his lawyer," Melanie said.

"That won't be necessary," Marty replied.

"Oh, why not?" Melanie inquired.

Brian felt his hopes soar. Maybe Kip had changed his mind, had decided he couldn't win.

"Mr. Thomas is dropping his lawsuit," Marty said.

Brian let out a long breath. Maybe that was the end of it. Kip was backing off. Melanie must have been right.

"Really?" Melanie asked raising an eyebrow. "And why is that? I was led to believe he was adamant in his claims."

"He was and is. I don't want the kind of publicity that a trial about homosexual harassment would generate," Marty said slowly. "As a result I have come to an agreement with Mr. Thomas."

"And how much is that going to cost me?" Brian asked knowing this all sounded too easy.

"Monetarily, nothing."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm promoting Kip. He's very good at his job, just about as good as you, Brian. In the long run he won't be nearly as much trouble as you have been," Marty said, looking Brian in the eye.

"You can't expect me to work here with Kip Thomas if you do that," Brian protested.

"I don't," Marty said evenly. "As part of the agreement with Mr. Thomas, you're terminated. Please vacate the premises immediately."

"And don't think about suing, Brian," Matt said gently. "You haven't got a leg to stand on.

Where had he heard that line before?

Matt and Ryder walked out the door making sure to shut it with a resounding thud as they did so.

"Well, that went well," Melanie said sarcastically.

"Yeah, perfect. I'm not being sued, but now I'm unemployed."

"You'll get my bill in the mail tomorrow," Melanie said as she gathered up her papers.

"Wait just a second," Brian said. "We have to fight this."

"You can fight it if you want, but Mr. Luongo was right. You don't have a leg to stand on, just like Kip didn't."

"What about wrongful termination?" Brian asked rubbing his hand across his forehead. A colossal headache was starting.

"What's wrongful about it? You caused the agency to get involved in a lawsuit based on your questionable behavior. Ryder is within his rights to terminate you."

"But you're supposed to be defending me," Brian protested.

"Against Kip Thomas," Melanie stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah."

"That's done. You won."

"It fucking doesn't feel like I won."

Melanie shrugged as Brian watched her snap her briefcase closed.

"If you want to fight Ryder, get yourself another lawyer." She picked up her coat and disappeared out the door.

Brian watched her go. What the fuck was he going to do now?



*****


Justin's Bedroom

Justin hit the print button on his computer and watched his acceptance letter to Dartmouth print out. With a sigh he pulled it from his computer and read the words that would decide his future for the next four years, would decide the direction of his life forever.

He leaned back in his chair staring off into space and contemplating his future as a business major at Dartmouth. It wasn’t what he wanted, but he couldn’t contradict his father. If he wanted an education, he would have to go to Dartmouth. He’d just have to make it work.

His eyes fell on his jeans jacket hanging on the back of his bedroom door. His eyes lit up as he studied the folds of fabric, how the light and dark made shadows, giving the fabric depth and texture. He could capture that on paper. He knew he could. He felt his fingers itch, as he reached for a pencil from the Yellow Submarine pencil holder on his desk. He set the letter to Dartmouth down, being careful not to wrinkle it. With a sigh and a faint smile on his lips, he picked up his sketchbook and started to draw his jacket.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 6





"Come on, Justin. Hurry up," Daphne called as she waited at the door to the Gay and Lesbian Center which was located just off Liberty Avenue.

"What are we doing here?" Justin asked as he caught up with her.

"You'll find out. Follow me," Daphne ordered as she pushed the door open and walked inside.

Justin followed her a little reluctantly. She had hijacked him after school and made him go with her. He had no idea they were heading to Pittsburgh's Gay and Lesbian Center. If he had, he wasn't sure whether he would have come with her or not. Daphne and Justin stood looking around at the inside of the building. No one seemed to be around.

"What are we doing here?" Justin asked. He felt funny being in this place, even though it was for gays and lesbians. Not being out with his sexuality made him feel a little uncomfortable about stepping inside the GLC.

"They're having an art show," Daphne stated.

"So?" Justin asked with a frown.

"May I help you?" a pretty blond woman asked as she came through a door.

"I hope so," Daphne said with a smile. "I'm Daphne Chanders and this is my friend, Justin Taylor. He's an artist."

"Is he now?" the woman asked as she shook hands with Daphne and then Justin. Justin could feel her eyes studying him, probing to size him up. He didn't like that feeling very much. "So, you're an artist?" she said, her voice soft but not overly friendly.

Justin felt himself blush. "I want to be."

"Show her some of your sketches, Justin," Daphne prodded, giving him a little elbow to the ribs.

"I … I don't want to take up your time," Justin said modestly. He wasn't sure he wanted this stranger looking at his sketches. He liked them, but they were very personal.

"I have time," the blond lady chuckled. Her demeanor seemed to change when Justin said he didn’t want to use up her time. "I'd love to see your work. I'm Lindsay by the way."

Justin nodded and reached around to pull his backpack off and find his sketchbook. "Can I choose the ones you look at?" he asked before he opened the pad.

"Of course," Lindsay replied. She watched with interest as Justin pulled out his pair of sketchbooks that he always carried with him.

Justin flipped through the first sketchbook. He stopped at a sketch of Chris Hobbs in his football uniform. He had captured the well formed ass with the tight pants covering it. Chris’ shoulders were bulky with the pads, but they showed the football star perfectly, at least in Justin's eyes. He pulled that sketch carefully out of the book and handed it to Lindsay. While she looked at that one, Justin pulled out the sketch he had done of Brian's back. And also the sketch of Brian's beautiful eyes. He then pulled out the sketch of his jeans jacket and handed it to Lindsay.

Lindsay studied the four sketches. She knew talent when she saw it. "These are very good," she said slowly as she continued to look at them, flipping from one to the other.

"Thanks," Justin said. “Do you really think so?” He wanted an honest answer. He reached for the sketches. If they were just good, then he had no chance of making it in the art world. They were his best stuff.

Lindsay stepped back so that Justin couldn't retrieve the sketches. She continued to stare at them. Just then a baby's cry rang through the building.

"Oh, excuse me," Lindsay said, handing the sketches back to Justin. "That's my son. I need to see to him. Can you wait for a minute?"

"Sure," Daphne replied as Lindsay hurried into the room they had first seen her come out of.

"Let's go," Justin said, shoving the sketches carefully back into his sketchbook.

"She asked us to stay," Daphne told him. "Wait."

Justin shook his head. He knew from Lindsay's reaction that she wasn't overwhelmed by his sketches. He didn't want to be patted on the head and told that his sketches were nice. Fuck that shit! He wanted to get out of there.

"Sorry about the interruption, but Abe wanted to be changed," Lindsay said as she finally returned carrying her baby.

"He's beautiful," Daphne gushed. "Can I hold him?"

"Sure," Lindsay smiled. She handed the baby to Daphne.

Justin looked at the little bundle. He sure was a cute baby. Justin's fingers itched to sketch the little face. "We should get going. Don't want to take up any more of your time," Justin muttered.

"I'm getting ready for our art show," Lindsay said cheerfully. "It starts Friday night. Would you like to see some of the pieces that are going to be in the show?"

"Um … I…" Justin stammered. He didn't really want to look at artwork that Lindsay obviously considered better than his.

"Go on, Justin. I'll mind the baby," Daphne encouraged him. She carried Abe over to a chair and sat down, holding the baby carefully in her lap.

"Come with me," Lindsay said leading Justin to the back of the hall. "These are some of the pieces that have been framed." She pointed at some paintings and sketches leaning against the wall. Justin walked along the line of them studying each in a cursory manner. "What do you think of them?" Lindsay asked him.

"Um … this one's good," Justin said pointing to a painting of two men locked in a kiss.

"Yes, that's one of my favorites too."

"Really?" Justin asked turning to face her.

"I'd like you to submit your four sketches for the show."

"You would?" Justin asked in surprise.

"I would," Lindsay laughed. "You're very talented."

"But…"

"But what?" Lindsay asked with a frown.

"You didn't say much when you looked at them. I didn't think you liked them."

Lindsay chuckled. "I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. I was studying your work. I don’t like to make hasty decisions. I think you have talent, Justin. I could see that immediately. But…"

"But?" Justin asked feeling his heart sink.

"There's something about those eyes that you sketched. They're mesmerizing. I guess I was staring at them rather than complimenting you."

"Oh!"

"Whose eyes are they?"

"Um … just someone I met a few months ago."

"You don't know their name?"

"No, why?" Justin lied. He knew they were Brian’s eyes, but he didn’t want to get into an explanation of why he had drawn them and how he had come to encounter his Brian.

"They seem very familiar to me."

"I doubt that you and I would know the same people," Justin said quickly.

"Why's that? You're gay, aren't you?"

Justin blushed. "Yeah, but I'm not out to my family or anyone … but Daphne."

"I see," Lindsay replied slowly. She studied his handsome face. "Would you like your work in our show?"

"It would be awesome, but…"

"But you don't want anyone to know about you," Lindsay said sympathetically.

Justin nodded. "I'm not ready to tell my parents … yet."

"I’ve always found that honesty is the best policy, but I can understand how difficult it can be to tell your family.” She thought about the reaction of her own parents to her and Melanie being a couple. “I think it's very unlikely that anyone from your circle of family and friends would be here for the show."

"That's true," Justin said hopefully.

"I’d really like to include your sketches in the show. You haven't signed your pieces. You could use a pseudonym or your initials. No one has to know who you are."

"Cool," Justin smiled. "But you're selling the art for fundraising, right?"

"Yes. All proceeds go to the Center. If you don't want them sold, we can mark them as 'not for sale'."

"Oh no, it would be cool to sell some of my work, even if I don't get the proceeds. I just wondered if someone bought something … wouldn't they want to know who drew it?"

"We could just say it was the work of JT, an up and coming young artist."

Justin's grin almost split his face. "That would be awesome!"

"Then let's see about getting your sketches framed."

Justin and Lindsay picked out some frames for the sketches while Daphne continued to rock Baby Abe. It didn't take long to make the choices, and Lindsay informed Justin that he could see them framed if he came back to the Center in a couple of days.

"I'd love to draw Abe," Justin said staring at Daphne and the baby. "He's so cute."

"He is pretty awesome, isn't he?" Lindsay said proudly. The smile on her face reflected her love and pride.

"He looks a bit like you around the mouth, but his eyes…"

"They're like his father's," Lindsay supplied. "That's where the dark hair comes from."

"Are you married to the father?" Justin asked with a frown. He thought Lindsay was probably gay since she was working at the Center.

"Oh, no, he's an old friend of mine," Lindsay said, her face softening at the thought. "I'm a lesbian. My partner is Melanie, but..." She stopped not wanting to explain that she and her partner were currently separated.

"Oh," Justin said when Lindsay stopped. Her family story was quite a bit to take in all at once. "Um … I'd still like to draw Abe."

"Maybe when you come to see the framed sketches we could find some time for you to do that," Lindsay suggested.

"That would be awesome."

Lindsay smiled. "I guess I'll see you in a couple of days. Come after school and I should be here … with Abe."

"That's a date," Justin laughed as Daphne handed the baby to his mother. They quickly left the Center.



*****



"Yeah?" Brian said into the phone as he picked it up.

"Brian, it's Lindsay."

"Yeah?"

"What's wrong?"

"You mean other than the fact that I'm unemployed with no prospects in the foreseeable future. Why nothing's wrong, nothing at all," Brian responded sarcastically.

"I'm sorry about all the … problems. I just thought you might like to come to the Center for our art show Friday night."

"Why the fuck would I want to do that?"

"I thought it might cheer you up," Lindsay said. "You don't have to be so nasty about it."

Brian sighed. "Don't count on me."

"It would be good for you to get out and participate in your community," Lindsay said. She knew Brian had been holed up in his loft since Ryder had dismissed him. "You can't stay in your loft forever."

"I can do whatever the fuck I want to!"

"I … I know you can," Lindsay conceded. "But locking yourself away isn't doing you any good."

Brian had to give her that one. He felt more shitty as each day went by. "I'll see what comes up on Friday."

Lindsay knew what that meant. "If you come around seven, I'll have Abe there. Wouldn't you like to see him?"

Brian frowned. He had made every attempt to keep his distance from his son. Abraham, how the fuck he hated that name, was Lindsay and Melanie's son, not his. And yet, Lindsay insisted on trying to throw them together at every opportunity. He had to admit that somewhere deep inside he wanted to see his son, wanted to hold him.

"Um … I doubt I'll be there," Brian said, deciding he couldn't let himself have those thoughts.

"Please, Brian, for me," Lindsay wheedled.

He'd always had trouble refusing her anything. "I'll see," he said grudgingly.

"Thanks."

He could hear the smile in her voice. "I didn't promise," he cautioned.

"I know," she replied cheerfully.

'Shit!' he thought. ‘She's expecting me to be there.’

"See you Friday," she added before cutting the connection.

Brian stared at the phone for a minute before setting it back in the base. He was screwed. He might as well reconcile himself to going to the art show. He wondered why it mattered to him that he not let Lindsay down. Maybe it mattered because she was one of his only true friends, she and Michael.

It was too bad that Michael was involved with Dr. Dave. He was some sort of hotshot chiropractor that Michael had met when he put his back out at work. Dr. Dave worked on the Pittsburgh Penguins hockey team, and seemed to think he was God's gift to … Michael. David Cameron hated Brian, and Brian detested him right back. Brian found him to be a pompous prick who liked nothing better than to control every detail of Michael's life. They had recently moved in together, or rather Michael had moved in with Dr. Dave. That meant that Michael had even less control over his own life. Dr. Dave paid for everything and decided everything. Brian had tried to warn Michael. But when his mild warnings went unheeded, Brian decided he better stay out of it.

Brian would have liked to spend the evening with Michael, but he refused to call his friend and cause problems with the good doctor. He sighed and headed for the refrigerator. He needed something to eat. He had never felt so alone in all his life.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 7





Justin searched through his closet. Nothing was any good. He needed something to wear to the art show, but he couldn't find anything appropriate. Part of that was because he wasn't sure what one wore to an art show, and especially what one should wear to a gay art show. He just knew that nothing he owned was going to cut it.

He picked up his cell phone and hit the usual number. "Daph," he said into his phone. "Can you borrow your mother's car? We need to go shopping."

Some time later Daphne angled her mother's car into a parking space on Liberty Avenue.

"Why did you bring me here?" Justin asked glancing around nervously. "I thought we were going to the mall."

"I saw lots of boutiques along the street when we came to the Gay and Lesbian Center. If you're looking for something to wear to an art show that will be frequented by gays, then you should shop for it on a street full of gay men."

Justin looked around. He hadn't planned on coming to Liberty Avenue. He wasn't sure he wanted to be there. What if he saw Brian? What if he saw Brian and Brian didn't even remember him? He let out a long breath.

"We'll find you something great to wear. Don't worry," Daphne advised him.

That was the least of his worries now. Justin sighed, "Okay, let's go. I have to find something, and I guess this is as good a place as any."

"You could always wear a T-shirt and your cargo pants," Daphne pronounced, more than a little miffed that Justin didn't seem to like where she had taken him. She thought it was a great idea to come to Liberty Avenue to find an outfit.

"I can't wear that to the art show. I'd look like a total geek."

"Then shut up and follow me," Daphne ordered as she climbed out of the car and slammed the door.

"Fine," Justin griped, but he followed her along the street.

"This ought to be a good place," Daphne said studying the outside of Torso and looking in the window at the see-through top that would display the wearer’s nipples.

"I can't wear anything like that," Justin said in horror.

"Of course you could. You'd look cute as a button. I bet you'd have a boyfriend in no time flat, maybe even that Brian asshole."

"Daph…"

"Oh, come on, they must have other clothes that you can't see through." She pushed open the door of Torso and walked inside.

"Hello, hello, hello," a voice called to them from the back of the store.

"Hi," Daphne responded.

"How can I help you today?" the tall man said, as he made his way to the front of the shop. "I'm Emmett; I’ll be your fashion adviser for today."

"Just what we need," Daphne replied with a big smile. "My friend Justin here has some artwork in the show over at the Gay and Lesbian Center. He needs something … stylish to wear to it."

"Hm," Emmett said sizing up what he had to work with. He didn't much care for the cargo pants and T-shirt that he saw, but what was in it wasn't bad. "You're cute as can be, sweetie, but you need to flaunt it, not hide it under a basket, otherwise known as cargo pants."

"I … I don't think you have anything I'd want," Justin said quickly. "Let's go, Daph."

"Oh, don't run away on me," Emmett cried grabbing Justin's arm before he could escape. "I have some more conservative outfits that should suit you just fine. Let me gather some possibles for you to try on."

Justin looked pleadingly at Daphne, but she merely smiled and gave him a little shove towards the back of the store where the change rooms were located.

After an hour of trying on all the outfits Emmett provided, and a lot of giggling and crude comments, Justin finally settled on something he wanted to wear.

"Are you sure you don't want the see-through top?" Daphne asked as Justin paid for his selections.

"You looked hot in it, girl," Emmett laughed as he rang up Justin's bill.

Justin blushed. "I think I'll stick with this," he told them as he picked up the bag.

"Thanks, Emmett," Daphne giggled.

"It was my pleasure, sweetie. I hope you enjoy the art show," he added looking at Justin.

"Will … will you be there … Friday night?" Justin asked bashfully. He'd like someone there that he knew, even if it was only someone he'd spent an hour with.

"I hadn't planned on it. Friday night's my night to par-tay at Babylon," Emmett joked as he snapped his fingers above his head.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Justin agreed hastily. "What's an art show compared to … Babylon?"

"You don't even know what Babylon is, do you?" Emmett asked.

Justin shook his head. "Never heard of it."

"It's a dance club, a gay dance club," Emmett informed them. "You should come by some night. They'd eat you up."

"Eat me up?" Justin asked with a frown.

"That's just an expression. I didn't mean it literally," Emmett chuckled. "Although, on second thought…"

"We better go," Justin said.

"Yeah, I have to get my mom's car back," Daphne admitted.

"Thanks," they called as they left Torso.



*****



"Mikey, what the fuck are you doing here?" Brian asked as he opened the door to the loft.

"I brought this," Michael replied extending a pile of pizza boxes topped with a bucket of fried chicken.

"What the fuck?" Brian demanded as he looked in the bucket. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"It's comfort food," Michael declared.

"And you thought I needed comfort?" Brian asked sarcastically.

"There is a rumor going around that you lost your job," Michael said dropping the pile of food on the coffee table. "Got any beer?"

"Yeah, I think I can provide a brew or two," Brian told him, heading for the fridge. "I'm not totally broke … yet."

"Um, how bad is it?" Michael asked hesitantly.

"I'll be fine."

"The truth, Brian," Michael demanded.

"I can survive for a few months in my current lifestyle. If I cut back, that will extend the torture a bit longer."

"What are you going to do?" Michael asked taking the beer Brian handed him. He took a drink from the bottle.

"How the fuck should I know?"

"But…"

"Michael, everything's gone to shit because of that fucking Kip Thomas."

"I told you to be careful. You know you shouldn't have fucked him in your office."

"I fucked him here too. It had nothing to do with fucking him at the office. He, on the other hand, fucked me … but good."

"You must be able to do something," Michael said hopefully.

"That horse has left the barn," Brian mused out loud.

"Have you been looking for a job?" Michael asked cracking open the bucket of chicken.

"Nope."

"But…"

"If you're here to cheer me up, Mikey, you're doing a piss poor job."

"Well, you can't just stay here in the loft and waste away," Michael stated bluntly.

"I can do whatever the fuck I want."

Michael blanched. "Yeah, I guess you can, but shouldn't you try to find another job?"

"Shouldn't you quit the fucking Big Q and get a life?" Brian retaliated.

"Brian," Michael whined. "You don't have to be cruel."

"What? Are you waiting for good old Dr. Dave to whisk you away to a castle in the sky, because I don't fucking think that's going to happen."

“And what are you waiting for?" Michael challenged. "You've always wanted your own business. Why don't you start one?"

Brian stopped chewing on his chicken leg and thought about what Michael had just said. "I don't have the money," he said slowly.

"And you never will. If you don't take the big step, you'll always have the excuse of not enough money, or the prospect of a promotion somewhere, or some other fucking reason. There's always an excuse if you want to find it. Just do it!" Michael said emphatically.

"Where the fuck is this coming from?" Brian demanded. "I don't need business advice from you."

"You sure as fuck need it from someone. Look at you."

Brian stopped in the middle of opening the pizza box. At that moment he did try to look at himself as an outside observer might … and he didn't much like what he saw.



*****



"Are you excited?" Daphne asked as she and Justin entered the Gay and Lesbian Center.

"Well, duh, of course I am."

"It's so great," Daphne gushed, "your first show."

"It's just a charity event," Justin said trying to keep it all in perspective.

"It's too bad you couldn't tell your parents. Your mother would be so proud."

"Yeah, but they'd want to know where the show was, and I can hardly tell them I'm part of a gay art show when they don't know I'm gay."

"I still think you should tell them," Daphne said seriously as they got rid of their coats.

"Not yet," was all Justin replied.

They entered the main display area where the art show was housed. Justin looked around wondering where his sketches would be. He saw Lindsay across the room. He and Daphne headed over to her.

After the usual pleasantries, Lindsay led Justin and Daphne across the room to where Justin's sketches were framed and hanging.

"Wow!" Daphne reacted. "They look great."

Justin blushed. "They do look very … professional," he admitted. He surveyed his five pieces. They had added his sketch of baby Abe which was now framed and hung with the other four he had chosen. If the sketch of the baby didn’t sell, Justin wanted to give it to Lindsay for all her encouragement.

"I hope you've applied to some good art schools," Lindsay cautioned him. "You have real talent."

"Thanks," Justin replied.

"Justin's going to Dartmouth," Daphne had to inform Lindsay. Justin elbowed her.

"Dartmouth?"

"Yeah, that's where my Dad wants me to go."

"But you really should apply to an art school. Have you thought about PIFA?"

"Um … I don't think I'd get in," Justin said modestly.

"I think you would," Lindsay said confidently. "The competition for places there is stiff, but you easily measure up."

"You think?" Justin asked.

Lindsay nodded and then moved away when she saw a woman enter the building.

"I wonder who that is?" Justin asked.

"Must be Lindsay's partner," Daphne supplied, "if that kiss means anything."

"Let's look at the other artwork," Justin suggested. They started moving around the room.



*****



"Where's Abe?" Melanie asked her partner.

"Sleeping in the office."

"I'm going to take him home."

"But Brian isn't here yet. He wants to see his son."

"You mean you want him to see our son?" Melanie corrected.

"He said he'd come," Lindsay protested.

"He said he'd come if nothing else came up," Melanie said derisively. "I know how his mind works. And you can be sure his dick will come up."

"Melanie!" Lindsay said clutching at the neck of her dress.

"Well, it's true. I'm taking the baby home. Kinney won't show, and it's already past Abe's bedtime."

Lindsay looked at the door of the GLC, willing Brian to appear. However, she knew that was less and less likely as the night wore on. Silently she gave in to Melanie's wishes and went to gather Abe and his paraphernalia.



*****



"I'm going home," Justin said. "I don't know anybody here and it's getting late."

"But the show isn't closing yet. Maybe you'll meet some nice gay guy, or that Brian might show up," Daphne whispered.

"Yeah, right!"

"Well, something might happen."

"I'm going to say goodnight to Lindsay and then I'm leaving."

"Okay," Daphne sighed trailing along behind her friend.



*****



Justin had barely left the GLC, when Lindsay saw Brian Kinney walk in. She smiled as she walked over to him and kissed his cheek. "You came," she said.

"People keep telling me that I need to get out more, so here I am," Brian snarked. "Where's my son?"

"Melanie took him home about two hours ago," Lindsay apologized. "I told you to come early."

"Something came up."

Lindsay sighed. "Well, now that you're here, why don't you look around at the art work?"

"Got anything to drink?"

"Surely you didn't come for the free booze."

"One of my imposed economies," Brian said bitterly as he grabbed a glass of wine from a nearby table.

He sauntered around the room looking at the artwork, most of which was beyond terrible, or totally lesbianic, which was even worse. He stopped once or twice to look at a piece that caught his attention.

Before he left he bought a piece of artwork for a hundred dollars. It made Lindsay happy and he kind of liked the piece. The only problem was that he could ill afford to spend the hundred dollars on something so frivolous. Oh well, they always say you need beautiful things to soothe the soul, and his soul could currently use a lot of soothing.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 8







Brian awoke with a start. He felt like eyes were staring at him. He turned and realized there was a man sleeping in his bed.

"Get up," he barked.

"Wha… What the fuck?" the man demanded as he scrubbed at his eyes.

"I said, 'Get.Up! And.Get.Out!'" Brian punctuated each word to make his intent perfectly clear.

"But…"

"I don't know why you're still here, but your time's up. Get out!"

"Fucking asshole!" the man muttered as he threw back the covers and grabbed his clothes. "Everyone says you're a fucking son of a bitch, and now I know why."

“Yeah, the bitch taught me well,” Brian muttered.

The guy yanked on his jeans and shoes and stomped down the steps.

Brian could see him pull on his sweater and grab a jacket from the sofa. With a resounding clang the loft door slid shut behind him.

"And you were a totally forgettable fuck," Brian called out. He knew the guy wouldn't hear him, but he felt compelled to say it anyway.

Brian lay on his back staring up at the ceiling. Where did he find these tricks? They were getting more and more predictable and less and less interesting. He was going to go totally out of his fucking mind, if something didn’t happen soon. Being unemployed was wearing on his last nerve.

Once again he felt eyes staring at him. He turned his head and there on the dresser leaning against the louvers was a sketch of a pair of eyes, no face, just eyes. It was the fucking drawing that he had spent a hundred bucks on at the GLC. He groaned as he thought about how he could ill afford to have wasted his money on a fucking drawing.

He stared at the eyes that stared back at him. There was something about them. Something that he couldn't quite place. After a minute or so he lay back on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling, trying to make those eyes disappear from his brain.

What was he going to do? The advertising awards were in two days. He didn't want to go there a loser, no job, no prospects, hoping to find someone who might be willing to employ him. Brian sighed. This was not the way his life was supposed to go. Maybe it was time to take matters into his own hands. Maybe he should give a try to starting his own business. Maybe that was the new road he was meant to travel along.

But the thought scared him. He never liked to admit to being afraid, but this scared the shit out of him. It would take everything he had, everything he'd worked for all these years to start up his own agency. And if it failed! Then he'd be the failure that his mother and father always told him he was going to be. He wasn't sure he could stand that. He'd always been successful, but he'd never attempted something like this, something that he would be solely responsible for. He would have a whole company resting solely on his shoulders. He wasn't sure he was up to that, not yet anyway.

But what other choice was there? Nobody in Pittsburgh was going to hire him. They'd want references, and he surely wasn't going to get anything worthwhile in that department from Ryder. Marty Ryder had screwed him over for years, promising him a partnership, and then never following through.

Well Brian would show Ryder, he'd show them all! At that moment Brian made a decision that would change his life. Brian Kinney would start an advertising company, a company of his own, one that would not only rival the Ryder Agency, but would surpass it in every way. He'd show them all.



*****



"Daph?"

"Yeah?" Daphne replied as Justin came up to her locker at St. James Academy.

"I had a phone call from Lindsay. One of my sketches sold for a hundred dollars." Justin could hardly contain his excitement.

"But you don't get the money, do you?" Daphne asked, putting the kibosh on Justin's enthusiasm.

"Well, no," Justin admitted reluctantly. "But my work sold. I'm a professional artist."

Daphne laughed gently. "Yeah, I guess technically you are," she agreed. "But you still have to go to English lit class."

"Fuck!" Justin said, but he followed her down the hall to their first class of the day.



*****



Brian walked out of the gym. He had done his best to convince them to hire him as their adman. It hadn't been very successful. They were thinking about it. Fucking assholes! Thinking about it! Hadn't he paid them thousands of dollars in fees over the years that he had frequented their paltry little establishment? And now when he was offering to promote their business and expand it, they weren't sure he could help them. They didn't have much fucking money to invest in their future. Well, fuck them!

Heading down the street, Brian saw the steps leading up to Woody's just ahead. He needed a drink … bad. He turned and walked up the steps. Seated at the bar he ordered a scotch and threw it back. The familiar burn as it hit his stomach was somehow comforting. He watched Stan, the owner of Woody's, talking to some guy at the end of the bar. He heard the word brochure and immediately perked up. Maybe this was an opportunity to pick up his first client. Sipping on his scotch and listening without being obvious Brian got the gist of what was happening. He waited until the man left before approaching Stan.

"Looking for some PR?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, but that asshole doesn't know shit," Stan muttered shaking his head.

"I'm starting up my own ad agency," Brian said. "I was listening to what butthead was telling you. I have much better ideas."

"I bet you do, Kinney, but I can't afford to hire you. You're way out of my league."

Brian started. He hadn't thought about that. Maybe that was why the gym was so reluctant to hire him. They thought he was going to be way out of their price range. And the truth be told, he would have been, if he was still working for Ryder. But times had changed. What he wanted his company to be someday would be way out of their league, but for now he needed every client he could get.

"Look," Brian said seriously. "I'm just getting started. I'll give you a real break on the cost, and guarantee that you'll raise your numbers by at least a third."

"A third?" Stan said. Brian could see the dollar signs revolving in his eyes. "Draw up a proposal," Stan said before he moved away to wait on a customer.

Brian smiled, as ideas for promoting Woody's were already whirling around in his brain. He had just finished his scotch when the reality hit him that he might have ideas for ads, but he had nobody to bring them to life. Brian sucked as an artist. He knew good art and good advertising, he knew what would work and what wouldn't, he knew style and knock your socks off grab your balls ad campaigns. But he needed an artist if he was going to be able to put any ideas on paper. He couldn't sell what was in his head unless he could make it appear before the buyer.

Brian ordered another scotch. He had a lot to do if he was going to start this company. No, that wasn't quite right. He had a lot to do now that he had officially started his ad agency. He smiled to himself and hoisted his drink in a toast to himself. His first act would be to find an artist to work with, and then as Stan had reminded him, he would go after the type of accounts that he really wanted.



*****



Justin finished filling out the papers on his desk. He heaved a big sigh wondering if all this was just a colossal waste of his time. He pulled the envelope from his desk drawer, filling it with the papers and several selected sketches.

He wished he had the sketch of the eyes that he liked so much, but it had been sold at the GLC show. He'd have to get his other sketches back from Lindsay. None of the others had sold, but that was okay. He still intended to give the sketch of Abe to Lindsay for all her help. He had sold one piece at the show, and that was a start. He closed the envelope and took it with him as he went downstairs.

"Can I borrow the car?" Justin asked his mother.

"Um … you know you just got your license. Where are you going?"

"I'm just going to the post office to mail this. I'll be careful."

"Okay, but come right back," Jennifer Taylor cautioned him. "No fooling around."

Justin rolled his eyes, before picking up the keys to the car and hurrying out. He wasn't a baby as much as his parents might like to think he was. He started the car and quickly headed to the post office. When he had mailed his envelope, he got back in the car. He knew he should go straight home, but he really wanted his other sketches from the GLC. He decided to drive there and get them. He could tell his mother there was a long line at the post office and that's what took him so long.

As Justin turned the corner onto Liberty Avenue to head to the GLC, a black Jeep passed him going the other way. He glanced at the car, and then his heart stopped beating. It was the guy from the streetlamp that night he had tried to lose his virginity. He opened his mouth to call to the man, but he couldn't get his voice to work.

He cleared his throat and called, "Brian!"

He held his breath as the Jeep slowed at the corner. But then the car turned the corner and disappeared from view. Obviously Brian didn't hear him, or chose not to answer. Justin sighed and continued on to the GLC. Another opportunity had been lost.



*****



"He's such a sweet baby," Justin said as he held baby Abe for Lindsay.

"Yes, he is."

"Do you mind if I ask why you named him Abe?"

Lindsay sighed. "I wanted to name him Gus."

Justin giggled.

"What?" Lindsay asked.

"I used to have a teddy bear named Gus," Justin admitted.

"You didn't?" Lindsay laughed.

"I did."

"My partner Melanie wanted the baby named after her grandfather, so he's called Abraham. Abraham Augustus Marcus-Peterson."

"That's quite a mouthful," Justin chuckled. "I'd have called him Gus."

"Me too," Lindsay agreed. "And don't tell Melanie, but I call him Gus sometimes when we're by ourselves."

"Abraham could get him beat up on the schoolyard," Justin cautioned.

Lindsay sighed. "There, your sketches are all out of their frames."

"Shouldn't there be three?" Justin asked with a frown.

"Oh, someone came in the day after the show and bought the one of the jacket hanging on the door."

"Really? So two sold."

"Yes, you've officially sold some of your work."

"Wow! I can't believe it. Who bought them?"

"Two different people."

"No, I meant do you know the people who bought the sketches?"

"Whether I do or not, I'm not at liberty to reveal the names."

"Why not?"

"Because the purchasers asked to remain anonymous."

"Is that customary?"

Lindsay nodded. "Quite often that happens."

"Oh, okay then,” Justin shrugged. “I want you to have the sketch of baby Gus,” Justin said with a twinkle in his eye.

“Oh, Justin, you don’t have to do that,” said Lindsay, touched by the gesture.

“I know I don’t, but I want you to have it. I better get going. My mother thinks I'm at the post office."

“Well, thank you. I’ll put your sketch in a place of honor in our home.”

Justin smiled as Lindsay took Abe from his arms. Lindsay waved goodbye as the young man made his way out of the GLC. She remembered how hard it was to come out to her parents. She didn't envy Justin what he would have to face somewhere down the road.



*****



Brian sat at his desk in the loft. He scrolled through all his former clients. He knew he couldn't touch any of them as long as they were signed to Ryder. But he also knew that contracts ran out. He was making a list of all the clients with contracts that would run out during the next year. When he had that list he started a second list of potential clients, ones who had crappy ads with other companies. He would start working up some ideas and see just how many customers he could pilfer from ad agencies who had been his former competition at Ryder, and were now the ones he was going to go after.

As he checked information on the internet, he wondered what Liberty Air was up to. They had been his largest client, but they no longer belonged to him. He wondered if they had stayed with Ryder after he left. Googling anything related to Liberty Air, Ryder and advertising, he drew in a sharp breath as he found something that made his blood boil.

"Fuck!" Brian reacted.

There on the screen in front of him was the latest Liberty Air advertisement, his advertisement. This was the board he had shown Kip Thomas that day in his office, the day he fucked Kip senseless. It was also the day that changed his life forever.

And there on the screen were the credits for the ad. Created by Kip Thomas for the Ryder Agency it read. Brian glared at the screen. He could hardly believe that Kip would steal his ideas, wholesale rob him of what he had created, and then claim it for his own. But there it was in color and high definition, on the screen in front of him.

Brian continued to stare at his ad. Then he leaned back in his chair. The ad was damn good, and someday he would win back Liberty Air and claim what was rightfully his.

He got up from the computer and went to the bar cart. He needed a drink.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 9







Justin hustled from table to table removing plates and carrying the heavy trays of dirty dishes to the kitchen. His father had got him a job at this hotel. He was a fucking busboy, but it made his father happy. He was earning some money to use at Dartmouth. That way he wouldn't be quite so dependent on his father for everything. That was the only good thing about this lousy job.

He hoisted the heavy tray onto his shoulder the way he had been shown. His back ached and he was tired, but there was only dessert left. Then he could go home and shower and crawl into bed. He headed through the door into the kitchen as the desserts started coming out.

Before the door closed he heard an announcement about the start of presentations as soon as everyone had their dessert. He placed the tray on the counter.

"Load the dishwasher," James, the guy in charge, told him. "And make sure you scrape the plates."

"Yes, sir," Justin said wanting to punch the overbearing fool in the face.

He started his task as the waiters came back for more trays of dessert. By the time he had the dishwasher loaded it was time to go start collecting the empty dessert plates. With a sigh he headed out into the ballroom carrying an empty tray. He loaded it with the empty dessert dishes from the surrounding tables. They were presenting some company with an award for advertising. Justin looked around as a man at one table stood up and made his way to the front of the room.

He didn't have time to listen to what the man was saying in his speech. His tray was full. Justin hoisted it up and made his way to the kitchen. He set the tray on the counter and headed out again for the next round of dirty dishes.

Justin had filled another tray when he heard the announcer say that the final presentation of the evening would be the Atlas Adman of the Year Award. He picked up his tray and headed to the kitchen once again.



*****



The advertising awards were in full swing, almost at the final presentation, when Brian Kinney walked into the room. He had deliberately skipped dinner knowing that he couldn’t sit at the table with the people from Ryder. He thought it was rather ironic that he was up for this award based on his work at Ryder. He was sure that Marty Ryder, and that fucking Kip Thomas, had done their best to get his name taken off the list of potential recipients. However, he was pretty sure that hadn’t happened. He would enjoy rubbing it in their faces if he won, and he was sure that he should win if merit meant anything.

Brian didn’t want to have to make small talk with whomever he was seated. He never liked having to explain himself, and questions about his status at Ryder could prove hard to answer.

Brian found a seat at a table at the back where only two people that he didn't know were sitting. He sat through the award that was being presented to the advertising company of the year. He held his breath wondering if the Ryder Agency would win. He knew they were nominated.

Across the room he could see the Ryder table. Marty Ryder was there with his wife. He expected to see Cynthia, but she didn't seem to be present, even though they had arranged for a seat for her when Brian was nominated. Now that Brian was in disgrace, they obviously saw no need to include her. Well, fuck them. Then Brian saw him, Kip Thomas, sitting across from Marty Ryder. Fucking little asshole. If Brian won, make that when he won the award, he'd show the little fucker.

The Borsini Agency won for company of the year. Brian couldn't help but smile. He could see the glower on Marty Ryder's face. Served the prick right.

The final award to be handed out was about to be named. It was the award he was up for. Brian held his breath, even though he gave every appearance of not giving a fuck about the award.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Adam Lyons from Kennedy and Collins in New York. At our agency we have a saying: The only thing better than great sex is a great ad campaign. In looking over the candidates for the Atlas Adman of the Year, I am sure we have found the best. This year's Adman of the Year is … Brian Kinney."

With his patented smirk, Brian stood up. He glanced at the Ryder table and noted that Kip Thomas had also stood. That little fucker had intended to collect his award. Brian glared at Kip until the man realized that Brian Kinney was indeed present. Kip shook his head and sat down. Brian made his way to the front of the room. He exchanged a knowing look with Mr. Adam Lyons, a look that promised things to come. "Want to test out that saying?" Brian whispered. The look on Adam's face told him the answer to his question.

Then Brian took the award and turned to the audience. "I won't keep you long. I just wanted to thank you for this recognition and announce that I am starting my own ad agency. I look forward to competing with all of you next year." He stared at Kip Thomas and then Marty Ryder before leaving the platform. He made sure to walk past the Ryder table as he headed for the back of the ballroom. He couldn't resist waving his trophy insolently at them on the way by.



*****



Justin had changed out of his waiter's uniform and into his civvies. He went back into the kitchen to find James and get his paycheck.

"Here you are," James said handing an envelope to Justin.

"Thanks."

"You didn't do a bad job, kid," James said with a pained look on his face.

Justin could only surmise that the pained look was due to the fact that James never had anything good to say about anyone or anything, at least not since Justin had first met the man. The fact that James was almost complimenting him on the work he had done was rather miraculous.

"Thanks," Justin repeated and turned away.

"I have another banquet tomorrow night, if you'd like more work," James said.

Justin turned around. This was supposed to be a one shot thing, but he could always use more money. "Sure," Justin said. "What time?"

“Be here at five," James told him.

"Thanks," Justin replied again and walked to the door of the kitchen. His back and feet suddenly didn't feel quite so painful. He pushed the door open.



*****



Outside the ballroom, Brian waited counting to twenty. That was how long Adam Lyons had to reach him. At seventeen seconds Adam hustled out of the ballroom and stopped in front of Brian.

"Where?" Adam asked.

Brian had thought about this. The restrooms were his first choice, but he was far too likely to meet someone he knew in there. He didn't need to provide any more ammunition to those who were taking potshots at him.

"Follow me," Brian said, leading the way up a set of stairs to a mezzanine area that overlooked the ballroom.



*****



Justin came out the door of the ballroom. He was still thinking about getting more money before he headed off to Dartmouth. He had worked hard tonight, and he supposed that his hard work had paid off.

He glanced up and saw the man who had presented the final award of the evening. He was rather good looking, but not as good looking as his Brian had been. He watched the man disappearing up the stairs that led to a mezzanine above the ballroom. He shrugged and walked along the hall to the elevators. He needed to get home and take that shower and fall into bed. He had to do all this over again tomorrow.



*****



It didn't take Brian long to get his dick shoved up Adam Lyons’ ass. Covered by screens and equipment, Brian was pretty sure no one would see them. After a few minutes, Brian felt his orgasm building and he drove hard into the suave New Yorker. They both came with an intensity Brian hadn't felt for months. Maybe it was the situation, fucking this high priced New York adman barely hidden from the eyes of his peers that made their fuck so exciting. Whatever it was Brian enjoyed it … immensely. He never got enough of men begging for his dick. When they were done Brian tucked in his shirt and zipped up his trousers.

"What's someone like you doing in this backwater burg?" Adam asked as he adjusted his clothes. The satisfied look on Adam’s face told Brian that the adman had enjoyed the fuck as much as Brian had. "You should be in New York, not in this place," Adam told him.

"Should I?" Brian asked raising an eyebrow.

“We might have a position coming up at Kennedy and Collins. Why don’t you submit a resume?”

“Hm, I might just do that,” Brian mused.

“In the meantime, I’m ready for another round if you are,” Adam said with a grin.

Brian bent him over the railing and plunged in once more. Things were definitely looking up.



*****



“Justin?”

“Yeah, Daph.”

They were sitting on the ledge outside the school during the lunch break. Daphne was eating a wrap and Justin was sketching.

“Are you going to go to the prom?”

“Me? Fuck no! What about you?”

“I’d kinda like to go, but…”

“But what?” Justin asked looking up from the sketch of Daphne’s hand that he was drawing.

“I don’t have anyone to go with.”

“What happened to Glenn?” He was the swimmer that Daphne had been sort of dating for a couple of weeks.

Daphne made a face. “That’s over. He’s with Meaghan Brice.”

“Fickle bastard!” Justin said with a smile.

Daphne grinned at the support that Justin always gave her. “I … um … I was thinking. What if you and me went together?”

“Us?”

“Yeah, us. We can go as friends, but it will be kind of a date. You’re a passable dancer, considering that I’ve taught you everything I know,” Daphne said with a little giggle.

“I can dance,” Justin declared.

“So, does that mean you’ll go with me?”

Justin looked thoughtful. After a minute he said, “Sure, I’ll go. It will make my mother and father happy that I have a ‘date’ for the prom.” He used air quotes around the word date.

“Well, I’m not that bad to be associated with,” Daphne said rather indignant at Justin’s reason for going.

“I know,” Justin grinned. “You clean up okay.”

“Asshole!” Daphne laughed swatting him hard on the arm.



*****



Brian had managed to line up a few clients for his new business which he was calling Kinnetik, using a form of his name and the word for energy. That was one of the best things he had come up with so far. He had business cards printed with his cell phone number and the address of the loft. He couldn’t afford to rent an office yet. After posting flyers all over Liberty Avenue, Brian had managed to find an art student who was willing to do some art work for him on weekends and evenings. He paid the guy by the work that he did. The kid wasn’t half bad.

But Brian also made a big gamble, buying some very expensive computer software that would make it possible for him to do most of his own artwork on his computer. That way he didn’t have to rely on anybody else, and better still, he didn’t have to pay them a salary.

Brian had several clients who paid fairly well, but he knew he needed a bigger account if he was going to be able to keep things going. He checked his list of clients whose contracts were going to run out at Ryder. There really wasn’t anyone that he thought he might be able to pull away, at least not for the next month.

With a huge sigh, Brian studied the figures on his spreadsheet again. He was barely staying above water, even without an office and staff. Something had to change or his new enterprise seemed doomed.

His cell rang as he was plumbing the depths of despair. When he answered he immediately recognized the voice of Adam Lyons of Kennedy and Collins in New York. He felt his heart soar. He had sent his resume to Kennedy and Collins as Adam had suggested, but he hadn’t heard anything for a few weeks. Maybe at long last this was some good news.

“What’s up?” Brian asked trying to sound upbeat.

“Um…”

Brian felt his stomach turn over. Um was never a good start to a statement. “I hope you have some good news for me,” Brian said holding his breath. If Kennedy and Collins wanted him, he’d pack in this feeble attempt at his own business in a split second.

“’Fraid not,” Adam said slowly. “You didn’t tell me you had been terminated at Ryder.”

“I didn’t think it was relevant.”

“Not relevant! Jesus, Brian! The words ‘sexual harassment’ are like a red flag. Did you think they wouldn’t find out?”

Brian blinked hard. They didn’t want him. “I thought my expertise and award winning ads might make a difference,” Brian replied trying to keep his voice level as he fought back emotion.

“You know better than that,” Adam warned him.

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

Brian cut the connection. He didn’t want to talk about going to New York. That dream was now firmly dead. He should have known that all along, but he had been fooling himself into thinking that he still might be a marketable commodity.

He leaned back in his chair and fought the tears that threatened to run down his cheek. ‘Fuck it!’ he thought. ‘Fuck it all to hell!’ He was going to be thirty in a few days. His life as a gay man might as well be over. And now any hope he had of getting out of fucking Pittsburgh had effectively been killed. His ability to make a fucking living was highly questionable at the moment too. His life might as well be over.

He drew in a long breath and stood up. On unsteady legs he walked over to the bar cart and poured himself the last bit of Jim Beam from the last bottle on the cart. He downed it in one long gulp. It didn’t make him feel any better at all.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 10





Justin came down the stairs of his parents’ home. His mother was at the bottom of the steps smiling enthusiastically at him. His father wasn’t nearly so effusive, but Justin could tell that he was pleased as well, as they both waited for him to make the descent.

“How do I look?” Justin asked with a smile, as he stopped a couple of steps from the bottom.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” Jennifer grinned. She felt her heart so full at the sight of her now grown up son who would soon be off to college.

“The word is handsome,” Craig corrected her.

Justin smoothed his hands along the sides of the tuxedo that his parents had rented for him.

“I want a picture,” Jennifer said pulling the camera out from behind her back.

“You look … okay, Jester,” Molly said as she came out of the family room.

“Thanks, Mollusk,” Justin said as he posed for his mother’s pictures.

“Molly, go over there with your brother,” Jennifer instructed. “I want a picture of the two of you together.”

“They’ll think I’m his date,” Molly giggled.

“Not dressed like that,” Justin teased her, as they stood side by side on the stairs and let Jennifer have her fill of taking pictures. Molly was wearing an old sweatsuit.

“When you pick up Daphne, make sure her parents get some pictures of the two of you together. Tell her mother I want a copy,” Jennifer instructed.

“Okay, Mom,” Justin sighed. His mother obviously thought this was a real date.

“I’m so glad you and Daphne are going to the prom together,” Jennifer gushed. “Have a great time.” She straightened Justin’s bowtie before he could reach the front door.

“Thanks, Mom,” Justin said as he walked out the door and headed along the street to the Chanders’ house.



*****



Brian Kinney was quietly getting stoned. He had polished off part of a bottle of Beam that he had bought himself in celebration of his thirtieth birthday. He felt he had earned it by surviving this long. He had smoked a couple of joints as well. He was feeling no pain. Well, almost no pain, but not quite.

He opened the box he had received earlier in the day. The soft silk of the scarf sifted through his fingers. It felt … exquisite. He silently thanked Lindsay for buying it for him. It was his thirtieth birthday present from Lindsay and Melanie. It was also a thank you for signing his parental rights away. Abe now officially belonged to Melanie and Lindsay. Brian had no claim on the baby, not that he ever had.

Up till a few weeks ago they had not done anything about signing documents that would make Melanie an official parent of the baby. Then Abe had spiked a fever a week or so ago. When they took him to the hospital, the nurse had refused to let Melanie go in with the baby, because she didn’t have any documents proving that she was Abe’s parent. That’s when both women had started working on Brian to get him to sign away his rights. If it had just been Melanie, Brian might have resisted, but he had always had trouble refusing Lindsay anything. This was no exception.

As a result, he signed the fucking papers, knowing somewhere deep inside that it probably was the wrong thing to do. But he did it anyway, and told himself that Abe would be better off with two mothers who loved him, than with a father who didn’t know what the fuck love was.

And so, Abe was effectively ripped out of his life, not that he had ever really allowed the baby to be part of his life. He had deliberately kept his distance knowing that Abe didn’t belong to him. Brian took a drag on the joint he was smoking. He filled his lungs and held it, letting the sweet smoke work its magic. He leaned back on his elbows on the bed staring at the eyes in that fucking sketch he had bought. The eyes stared back, unwavering. It was like they were trying to tell him something.

“Message not received,” Brian muttered as he took another swig of Beam.

Everything was being torn away from him – Abe … and his job and … his best friend. At this very moment he was supposed to be at a party for Michael and the good Doc. Brian snorted. He couldn’t stand Dr. David Cameron, and he had never been able to understand what Michael saw in the pompous ass. But, Brian had restrained himself; he hadn’t given into every instinct that told him to make Michael ditch the chiropractor. Brian had backed off. He had stayed out of the relationship, just like Debbie wanted. And now Michael was moving to Portland, giving up his family and friends to follow Dr. Dave back to his home territory. Brian gave it two months … tops.

And so, here he was, alone! His life was a fucking shambles and he had nothing to look forward to. ‘Could it possibly get any worse?’ he silently asked the staring eyes across the room.

His hand reached for the silk scarf, feeling its softness and strength. It was a marvelous combination of the two almost opposite traits. Brian remembered reading somewhere that silk was one of the strongest natural fibers in the world. He fingered the scarf as he laid back on the bed. He stared up into the rafters of the main room of the loft from where he lay.

And then it came to him!

He would let the Fates decide his future. He shoved himself unsteadily off the bed. He had always wanted to try scarfing. And tonight was the night. If he could toss the scarf into the rafters and get it to stay over one of them, that would be Fate’s way of telling him he should go through with the scarfing. He smiled to himself and then allowed a nervous giggle to escape. He would have the greatest fucking orgasm of his life if he could get the scarf to do what he wanted it to do.

Brian studied the distance to the rafter, and then carefully made his first attempt. The scarf hit the rafter and fell back down. This wasn’t going to be easy. Brian decided he had ten tries to get the scarf to stay. If that didn’t happen, then he was not supposed to carry out his plan. It was his own form of Russian roulette.

Attempts two through eight didn’t go any better. Whenever he managed to get the scarf to go over the rafter it would immediately slide off and fall to the floor. Brian grabbed the bottle of Beam and took a drink studying the rafter all the while. He set the bottle down and moved over a step from where he had been standing to throw the scarf. He tossed the scarf higher this time letting it unfurl as it went up. It slid across the rafter and stopped, hanging there, tantalizing him with its precarious position.

Brian felt his heart rate speed up. Attempt number nine had been successful. The Fates had spoken. He was going to do this. He grabbed a chair from the dining room suite. He placed it under the scarf. He climbed onto the chair and reached up, grabbing the end of the scarf so that he could tie it around the rafter. He was careful not to pull it off the rafter while he did this.

That done, he looped the soft, supple material around his neck. It felt cool and warm at the same time. He wondered how that was possible, but didn’t spend more than a fleeting thought on that sensory information. He secured the scarf around his neck. Unbuttoning his jeans he pulled out his dick. It was already semi-erect in anticipation of what was to come. Brian stroked himself until he was fully erect.

“Here goes,” he said to the empty loft.

He stroked himself a few more times until he felt his orgasm brewing. Then he stepped forward and kicked the chair backwards leaving himself hanging a couple of feet above the floor. He continued to tug on his dick as he felt his throat constrict and the lack of air begin to take over. He struggled a bit still trying to reach orgasm. He was almost there. He held his breath knowing he wouldn’t be able to take in any more air as the silk tightened around his neck.

With a mighty groan he shot his load, just as the knot he had tied over the rafter started to slip. Almost simultaneously he felt the throes of orgasm, of strangling and of falling. He hit the floor hard, knocking what little remaining breath he had out of his body. He rolled onto his back, the soft silk still tied around his neck. He realized his hand was still clutching his softening dick.

“Fantastic!” he gasped as he released his cock and pulled at the scarf around his neck. It didn’t take much effort to get it off. Maybe he should have made all the knots tighter. Maybe he hadn’t really wanted to die. He would be dead by now if he had tied those knots more securely. “The Fates have spoken. I wasn’t supposed to die tonight, and I did have one fucking fantastic orgasm!”

After a minute or twenty minutes or an hour, Brian didn’t know which, nor did it matter, he sat up and looked around. Everything looked the same in the loft except for the chair which lay on its side at the bottom of the steps to the bedroom, and the silk scarf which lay in a heap beside him. Brian knew he had dodged a major bullet this night. He had been prepared to die. That would have suited him just fine. But he had left his future to Fate, and Fate had spoken.

“Tomorrow I go after clients. I will be a big, fat, fucking success,” Brian declared, as he hauled himself to his feet and picked up the bottle of Beam. “But tonight’s celebration will be because I’m alive.”



*****



Justin and Daphne were dancing up a storm at the prom. In spite of all his misgivings about going to the prom, Justin was actually enjoying himself. He and Daphne sat at a table with a few kids they often talked with at school. They were sort of the outcast group, but they didn’t really care. Their sentence at good old St. James Academy was almost up. This was their celebration of the future they knew would be better once they were at university. That had been the main topic of conversation for them all, telling each other about the schools they had chosen and those they had been accepted to.

Daphne was going to Penn State, hoping to get into law at Dickinson College as her college career developed. It was a fine school. Justin told everyone that he’d be going to Dartmouth. They were all impressed, knowing that Dartmouth was also a very fine university. Justin didn’t tell them that he had also been accepted to Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts. He didn’t tell them that, because he knew he couldn’t talk about it without choking up.

The letter he had sent off due to Lindsay’s encouragement had produced a positive result. He was accepted at PIFA if he wanted to go there. That letter of acceptance had caused Justin days of agony. He so wanted to attend the Institute. It would teach him everything he wanted to know about art. It was a great opportunity.

However, it was an opportunity that he had finally turned down. He had tried to broach the subject with his father, but had received only negative comments when he mentioned the art school. His father would hear of nothing but his son attending Craig’s alma mater of Dartmouth. Justin had gone to his mother hoping for support from her. When he had mentioned PIFA, she had brushed him off, saying that art wasn’t a career. It would mean starving for years. Dartmouth would give him a fine education and a good job at the end of it. Besides, she said, “Your father won’t pay for you to go anywhere but Dartmouth.”

And so the decision had been made for Justin. He had turned down PIFA and had sent off his letter accepting a place at Dartmouth. What else could he do? And yet, he still felt like he had got this all wrong. Some part of him knew that he belonged at PIFA, but he refused to let that part of him surface. He would make it work at Dartmouth. That’s all there was to it.

And when he was done, he would probably end up working for his father, at least for the first while after graduation. But then he would find a place of his own, and he would paint at night and on weekends. He would try to make a career as an artist. And then he would be able to tell his father to shove his job, and shove Dartmouth. It was such a lovely pipe dream.

Justin reined in his imagination. His future would be what it would be. He concentrated on his dance with Daphne. He looked around knowing that they made a striking couple. Daphne looked great in her peach colored gown. They were probably the best dancers in the whole place. All those weekends they had listened to music in Justin’s bedroom, and danced to the tunes, were finally paying off.

“Faggot,” Chris Hobbs spat at Justin as he walked by with his girlfriend.

“Did he just say what I think he said?” Daphne asked with a shocked look on her face.

“Yeah,” Justin agreed.

“What an ass!”

“He is, but that doesn’t stop him from saying stuff like that.”

“We only have a couple more weeks to put up with that.”

“Yeah, but with my luck he’ll probably being going to Dartmouth,” Justin said shaking his head.

“He’s too stupid to get into Dartmouth. Don’t let him spoil our evening.”

Justin sighed. “I’ll try,” he said and threw himself back into the dancing.

Some time later the dance was beginning to wind down. There had been the obligatory crowning of the king and queen of prom. Neither Daphne nor Justin had been nominated, but Daphne joked that if there had been a princess category, Justin would have won. The highlight of the evening for both of them was when the King of the Prom was announced and Chris Hobbs was left standing there when someone else won. They couldn’t help enjoying that moment.

People began to leave the dance after that, and Justin suggested that they should go too. Daphne looked at him quizzically.

“A lot of people have rooms at the Plaza for tonight,” Daphne said.

“And who do you think would want us joining them at the hotel?” Justin asked with a derisive chuckle.

“I was thinking we could get a room for ourselves,” Daphne said with a coy smile.

“For us? But why?” Justin asked in bewilderment.

“You know,” Daphne giggled.

“Us?” Justin blurted out as her intent finally hit him. “But I’m gay.”

“I know, but you could be my first. Then we wouldn’t be virgins anymore.”

“That is just too weird, Daph. I don’t think so.”

Daphne sighed. “It was worth a try. I guess I’ll just have to go away to college still a virgin.”

“Yeah, I guess you will. And you’ll have to go home tonight still a virgin too.”

“Party pooper,” Daphne said, giving Justin a sharp punch to the upper arm.

“You are so weird. Let’s go.”

They gathered up their things and headed for the parking garage. As they walked to Daphne’s car, they saw Chris Hobbs and his current girlfriend. Chris had her pressed against a car and his hand was down the front of her dress.

“Gross,” Daphne said as she saw what they were doing.

“I hope Chris has one of those rooms at the Plaza, if they manage to get there,” Justin laughed.

“What the fuck are you looking at, Taylor?” Chris demanded as they passed the couple.

“Nothing that interests me,” Justin replied.

“No shit, fag!”

Justin turned to confront Chris, but Daphne grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her car. “Let it go, Justin,” she begged.

“Faggot!” Chris yelled after them.

Justin got in the car and slammed the door as loudly as he could. “If I never see Chris fucking Hobbs again, it will be too soon.”

Daphne started the car and got them out of the parking garage as quickly as she could. She didn’t want any more trouble for Justin than he already had.



*****



Brian Kinney had drunk and smoked himself into a stupor. He pulled the duvet over himself and turned on his side. His legs came up against his stomach, putting his body in the fetal position. With no more lucid thoughts about his fucking life possible in his stoned brain, he closed his eyes and slept.

Meanwhile Justin Taylor was removing his tuxedo in his own bedroom. His parents had waited up for him, and he had reported that he’d had a lovely time at the prom. Craig and Jennifer had smiled knowingly, feeling that everything was as it should be in their world.

Justin climbed into bed, picking up one of his sketchbooks to look at as he propped himself up with his pillows. He flipped it open and looked at the first few pictures. They were drawings of his Brian, as he thought of the handsome man. He wondered what Brian was doing tonight. He smiled as he imagined what it would have been like to go to the prom with a boyfriend, someone like Brian. No, not someone like Brian, but with Brian.

He could picture the stares from everyone as they danced around the floor. It would have been so awesome. Justin flipped the page and was confronted with one of his sketches of Chris Hobbs. Chris would have had apoplexy if Justin had shown up with a boyfriend. That would have been worth the price of admission.

“Fucking Chris Hobbs,” Justin muttered, as he set down the sketch and closed his eyes. He hoped he dreamed about Brian.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 11





Spring 2005

Over four years had passed since that fateful night on Liberty Avenue when Brian and Justin first met.

Brian now owned his own ad agency. It was called Kinnetik. He had his office space in what used to be the old bath house just off Liberty Avenue. He had been renovating the place ever since he moved his business in there. There was still more to do to the place, but it looked pretty good. It had been a long, hard road to get to where Brian was today.

After that night when he almost died scarfing, Brian applied himself to his new business. He refused to make any excuses for what had happened up to that point. He started by going after local businesses, convincing them that he could improve their sales if they gave him the chance. Due to his persistence and his flair for advertising, he turned several businesses around. His early successes led to word of mouth about what Kinnetik could accomplish. More and more small businesses started coming to Kinnetik in order to have Brian Kinney turn them into big businesses or even chains. Brian had been able to do that for many of his clients.

Things in Pittsburgh had changed a lot over the four years. Jim Stockwell had been elected mayor. He ran on a platform of family values which basically meant that he was anti-gay. He started by imposing strict regulations on places like the bath houses. They were often under twenty-four surveillance. There were raids. People were arrested and put through humiliating trials. Gradually people became more and more afraid to frequent such places. Reputations would be destroyed and jail was a possibility. The bath houses started to close down. That was how Brian had found his office space … cheap.

Babylon was still open … somehow. It had gone through a bad period, but managed to stay open. The Sap was holding on as best he could. He would have sold out a long time ago, but nobody was willing to buy. A place catering to gay clientele was just asking for trouble in the political climate of Pittsburgh. Nobody wanted to take the chance. Brian still went there frequently, however. The backroom was closed, but it was easy to pick up a trick and go home with him or take him back to the loft. He preferred the first arrangement, because then he could leave when they were finished fucking, and he didn’t have to kick the guy out.

It was increasingly difficult to find tricks these days. Fresh meat was often reluctant to frequent Babylon, since the possibility of arrest or harassment was very real. A veil of fear seemed to have dropped around the gay community of Pittsburgh. Younger kids were scared and men Brian’s age were wary. Brian had even had to rethink his one time only policy. He still relied on sex a lot, but it didn’t hold the same fascination it used to. It was all becoming rather difficult and inconvenient. Brian Kinney never thought he would come to such a conclusion.

Michael told him he was growing up. Yes, that Michael! He had returned from Portland about two months after he left, just as Brian had known he would. He had moped around for ages before finally going back to the Big Q as an assistant manager. He was still working there. He had met a university professor, Ben Bruckner, and the two were currently living together in Michael’s old apartment that Emmett had held onto after Michael moved away.

Growing up! Brian did not want to hear that, because to him it meant growing old. That was the last thing Brian wanted to do. He was now well over thirty, but he used all the anti-aging shit that he could afford to pretend that he was still in his twenties. It was getting harder and harder to hold onto that illusion. That was when he began to consider that maybe it was time for some real changes in his lifestyle and in his life.

His friends had all moved on. They seemed to be handling the aging thing better than he was. Emmett had gotten into the party planning business with Vic. They were just starting to have some success when Vic died suddenly from complications of HIV. That had been devastating for everyone, but especially for his sister, Debbie. She had gone off the deep end, and Brian found himself ostracized from the Novotny home, because of some comments he had made. They were legitimate statements, but Debbie didn’t see it that way. She had told Brian to get out, and he had obliged. They hadn’t talked in months.

Ted was still slaving away at Wertschafter’s. He wanted to do something else, but he liked his lifestyle too much to try something new. He chose to remain in the safety of the job he knew, rather than taking a chance on branching out on his own or with another firm. Good old conservative Ted. Who would have guessed that he would dabble with crystal meth and would have a brief fling with Emmett? They had actually tried to be a couple for a while. That, thank the gods, had been over relatively quickly.

Brian had given up his parental rights to Abe to Melanie and Lindsay. He rarely saw his son, mostly when Debbie had one of her get-togethers and the girls brought Abe along. Lately, since Brian and Debbie were on the outs, he hadn’t seen Abe in several months. He sometimes wondered if the four year old Abe even remembered him. He tried to convince himself that Abe was better off without his sperm donor in his life. Brian kept his distance fearful that he would become too attached to something that he could never have. Abe’s life was with Melanie and Lindsay.

And that life wasn’t so great. The Munchers had had their ups and downs. Infidelity on both their parts had caused them to separate a couple of times. They were currently together, but things weren’t all hearts and roses. Brian wondered if they would split permanently at some point. And what would happen to his son if they did?

Brian had simplified his life to the bare necessities – work and sex. That was all that really mattered. He tolerated his friends when they were around. Sometimes they were passable company of an evening. He could shoot pool with them at Woody’s or lean against the bar at Babylon and crack jokes until he selected his trick of the night. They served their purpose.

Sometimes they royally pissed him off, like the time Michael called him an “over-the-hill-club-boy” and told him he should grow up and settle down like Michael had with his professor. That would be the fucking day! Mikey and the prof had even adopted a street kid, who had been a gay hustler when they found him. It was a wonder they had any belongings left. Those kinds of kids would steal you blind. But Brian had to admit, that that hadn’t happened so far. The kid was in school and seemed to be doing okay.

But that kind of life wasn’t for him. He never wanted to settle down. He wanted to be free and easy just the way he was. He could do anything he wanted, he could fuck anyone he wanted, and that was the way he liked it. No ties or limitations or responsibilities other than to himself. And to Abe. He still paid support for the boy, even though he had no legal claims to his son. He wanted Abe to have a better life than he had had. Sometimes Brian wondered what it would be like to have a partner, someone to share his triumphs and successes with, someone who would be there on the evenings he didn’t feel like going out. He thought about that occasionally, but mostly he drove it far back into his mind, and pretended that he liked his life the way it was. And mostly he did.

It was just that sometimes…



*****



Justin Taylor graduated cum laude from Dartmouth. He could probably have done even better, but he didn’t really enjoy his business classes all that much. His art classes which made up his minor curriculum produced exceptional results. However, in his business classes he managed to get very good marks in spite of his lack of interest. Between his two sets of courses he managed to graduate near the top of his class. His father was very pleased.

Justin had spent his four years at Dartmouth in relative calm. He had resigned himself to following the path his father had laid out for him. Once he decided that, he carried it through to the best of his ability, well, as much of his ability as he was able to focus on business. His father was happy with Justin’s results at Dartmouth. He could brag to his friends about how well Justin was doing at university. That seemed to be all that mattered. Whether Justin was happy was totally beside the point. His father never asked and Justin kept his mouth shut.

Not all of his time at Dartmouth was bad. Justin actually enjoyed some parts of it. He made a good friend in a girl named Jodi. She was taking business courses and was really interested in them. They met in the bookstore the first week of the semester when Justin started at Dartmouth. They both reached for the last book on a shelf. It was one they both needed for the same course. As a result they decided to share, until more books came in, and that’s how their friendship began.

They ended up in a lot of the same first year courses. As a result they often studied together, sat together in lectures, and hung out after class. Justin was happy to find a friend. Daphne had ended up at the Dickinson School of Law at Penn State in Carlisle, Pennsylvania. Justin knew he would miss her, and he did. Jodi would never be Daphne, would never have the history with him that he and Daphne had shared, but he liked Jodi a lot from the first moment he met her. She made his years at Dartmouth so much easier to bear. Her last name was Tayworth, so they even got to sit together at graduation.

Justin did miss Daphne, and his mother and father, and even Molly, for the first months he was at Dartmouth. Gradually it got easier as time went on. The family came to visit him once during the first term, and he went home for Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Seeing his father so happy about his son being at his alma mater convinced Justin that he had made the right decision in going to Dartmouth.

Whenever Justin returned to Pittsburgh for a school break or over the summer, he never returned to Liberty Avenue. Something deep inside him caused him to believe that he would never find his Brian from that first night on Liberty. He had a certain dread about going back to the gay district of his city and being proven right. He tried to analyze why he felt that way, based on a first year psych course that he had taken. The best he could come up with was that he harbored some distant hope that he would find the man of his dreams again someday, and his brain was doing its best to fight that unlikely hope and protect him from disappointment by keeping him away from Liberty Avenue. Whatever the cause, Justin Taylor did not return to Liberty.

Justin worked in his father’s electronics stores when he wasn’t at school. His father had made it clear that he expected Justin to begin taking his place in Craig’s little empire as soon as Justin finished his degree at Dartmouth. Craig now had two stores in Pittsburgh and was seriously investigating expansion to Harrisburg and Philadelphia. He had already taken the first steps to do so.

Even though Justin knew that working in his father’s business was not what he wanted to do, he didn’t tell his father that. Justin’s dream of becoming an artist was dimming as time went on, and Justin couldn’t decide what else he might do with his life. He left open the option of taking over the family business, never telling his father he would, but never saying he wouldn’t either. He knew that was what his father expected him to do.

Craig Taylor’s expectations for his son had proven to be a very powerful factor. Justin knew he was denying some part of himself, and was also deceiving his father by not telling the man that his son was gay. But Justin never found the right moment. That night almost five years before when he had mustered the courage to go to Liberty Avenue, he had truly believed that he could take his place in the world as a gay man. He almost felt like it was his destiny calling to him, and then it had all fallen apart. It had a lot to do with the handsome man named Brian. Somehow Justin felt at that moment, and every moment since, if he was honest with himself, that his future was tied to that man. When Brian had turned away and gone off with his friend, he had changed everything. Justin had lost the drive and confidence that he had felt when he had gone to Liberty Avenue that night. Even though he had been scared shitless, he was sure he was doing the right thing. He had rarely felt that certainty about anything since.

A similar feeling had come to him for one semester at Dartmouth. With much prodding from Jodi, Justin had joined the gay alliance that was active on campus. There were about fifty members, but Justin was pretty sure there were more gay students at Dartmouth than fifty. However, they either had no interest or were afraid to be associated with the gay movement. Truthfully, Justin was a little afraid to join too. Jodi had convinced him to go to a meeting during his second year at Dartmouth. She told him he needed to meet some other gay guys. Maybe he’d find someone. So Justin had gone.

The meeting was pretty boring, but he did scope out the room. There were a couple of cute guys. It got Justin thinking. After the meeting they served coffee and cookies. That was when Justin met Trevor Ballantine.

Trevor was almost six feet tall with a swimmer’s body. He had blond hair which was a little darker shade than Justin’s. It turned out he did belong to the Dartmouth swim team, which wasn’t very good, but Trevor seemed to enjoy it. He had approached Justin who was standing by the coffee perk sipping his coffee from a styrofoam cup. He made some comment about how he wished the gay guy running the shindig would learn to make decent coffee. Justin had laughed and they had started talking. Trevor wanted to be a high school history teacher. He was also hoping to couple that with being the swim coach for whatever school he taught at.

Justin had liked Trevor immediately. They had gone out for coffee at Starbucks, deciding that the stuff they were serving at the meeting would rot their guts. They did a lot of things together for the next few months, before they realized maybe they should be a couple. It started with a stolen kiss that Trevor managed to grab one night. Justin kissed him back. They ended up in Justin’s dorm room sucking each other off. There was a rosy hue around the young lovers for the next couple of months. They experimented a bit with sex, but Justin was reluctant to go all the way to penetration. Something held him back. Maybe that’s what led to their downfall. Justin was never sure.

Trevor was two years ahead of Justin in his courses and graduated from Dartmouth at the end of Justin’s sophomore year. When Justin left for the summer break after his sophomore year, he and Trevor pledged to keep in touch. Trevor went to Wyoming where he was from, and Justin went to Pittsburgh to work for his father. There were a few e-mails and some phone calls, but when junior year started, Trevor stopped calling. All Justin’s e-mails bounced back, and his phone calls to Trevor got the “no longer in service” message. Trevor was gone.

Justin took it hard. He moped around at the beginning of the year, until Jodi was ready to throttle him. She dragged him to movies and book signings and chamber music recitals. It took a lot of effort, but gradually Justin began to return to some semblance of his old self. He started to make the effort to do a few things himself. His marks which had taken a nosedive began to recover. Jodi breathed a sigh of relief.

The best sign of all came when Jodi realized what Justin was doing with all the hours he seemed to be disappearing off the face of the earth. Justin had bought paint supplies with any money his father sent, and he painted out all his anger and frustration onto the canvases he had in his cubicle in the Fine Arts building. The day Jodi discovered his stash of paintings was a real revelation for her. She told him he should be in an arts course fulltime, not in business. Justin had merely sighed and shook his head. But after that, Jodi encouraged Justin to paint. Justin seemed to be returning to his former equanimity as time had gone on. The painting helped. But it didn’t solve the problem.

Deep inside Justin felt like he was doomed to live his life alone. Any guy he was interested in let him down, turned their back on him. And worse than that, he would never be a real artist. He thought his artwork was good, but even if it was better than all the other art students at Dartmouth, he doubted it would measure up to the students at PIFA.

And Justin felt like any personal life he might have had was gone too. He thought Trevor might have been the one, even though Trevor had never made him quiver like that guy on Liberty Avenue had. Justin doubted that anyone would ever be able to make him feel like that again – scared and hopeful and sexy and totally out of control. He had been so young and naïve. He wasn’t sure he ever wanted to feel like that again. The only thing he was sure of was that his life was a mess.

Justin wasn’t sure how he would have got through the rest of his sentence at Dartmouth, if it hadn’t been for Jodi. She encouraged him with his art, helped him with his business courses, took him places to meet people, tried to get him to date which he did a few times, and generally was there when he needed to vent his frustrations about his fucking life.

Somehow with Jodi’s help, Justin survived his four years at Dartmouth. He came out with a business degree, good marks, a truckload of paintings that no one would ever see, and the realization that his life would never be what he wanted, if he stayed in the closet with his family and went to work in his father’s business. And yet that was what awaited him after graduation.

On the day he left Dartmouth, Justin resolved to tell his father that he was gay and that he didn’t want to work in the family business.



*****



Justin came home from Dartmouth with his parents. They had the station wagon stuffed full of his belongings from his dorm room. On the long trip to Pittsburgh, Justin debated about springing the news that he was gay to his parents. Molly wasn’t there, having opted to spend time at a friend’s house, thus freeing up more space in the car to transport Justin’s belongings. Justin sat in the back seat of the car, crammed in beside boxes that wouldn’t fit in the back of the family car. He had arranged to have his paintings shipped to a storage unit in Pittsburgh. He might like to look at them one day.

His parents sat up front, smiled happily and made chit chat. Justin couldn’t find the words or the cruelty needed to ruin their good humor on the way home.

He moved back into his old room in the family home, feeling mildly ambivalent about the whole process. He had graduated from university. He should be going out on his own. Instead he was living with his parents, in the room he’d had since he was a baby, and he was about to go to work for his father. How fucked was that? It made him feel like an inexperienced and naïve teenager all over again. He would have to correct that situation as soon as possible.

Justin was to start work at his father’s office right after graduation. He knew he needed to tell his father that he was gay … and also tell him that he really didn’t want to work in the family company, but somehow he never got around to it.

On the first day he was to start at Taylor Electronics, he arrived at work early and walked into the office that his father had told him would be his. He smiled just slightly as he looked around. If this had been what he wanted to do, he would be off to a really good start. But it wasn’t what he wanted, not even close.

Justin made coffee and had a pot ready when his father’s secretary arrived. She accepted a mug of coffee gratefully.

“Justin,” she said, “your father’s so proud of you. He’s been waiting for four years to have you come work with him.”

Justin smiled wanly. What could he say? “Joyce, I…”

“Morning all,” Craig Taylor said cheerfully as he entered the office area. “I see you’re getting an early start, son. Just what I like to see.”

“Dad, I need to talk to you,” Justin said quickly, deciding it was now or never.

“Sure, pour me a cup of that coffee and come into the office. I’m sure you have lots of questions about the business.” Craig disappeared into his office.

Justin sighed and picked up the coffeepot. He grabbed a mug and started to pour. Joyce looked at him with a small smile playing on her lips. Justin filled the mug and added a bit of cream, the way his father liked his coffee. He carried the mug to the door of his father’s office. He straightened his back and stepped inside.

“Dad,” Justin said.

“Thanks,” Craig replied reaching out for the coffee.

Justin handed it to him. “Dad, we need to talk.”

“Don’t be nervous, Justin. You’re going to do fine here. You’ve had more training than I ever had, and look what I’ve accomplished. We’re expanding to Harrisburg, and I’m negotiating for a property in Philadelphia. We’ll have four stores, son. I really need your help.”

“But…”

“No, buts! I know you can do it.”

Justin heaved a sigh and gave up his attempt to talk to his father. Maybe it was for the best. If he worked at Taylor Electronics for a few months he could save a nest egg to go out on his own. At least that was what he planned to do.



*****



Justin had been working for his father for six weeks. He had learned a lot about the business, enough to be completely certain that this was not for him. He had tried to tell his father a couple of times that he didn’t want to work at Taylor Electronics, and more importantly, he wanted to tell his father that he was gay. He wanted to live his life in a truthful way, and so far all he had done was delay and prevaricate. Something had to change.

Once again Justin resolved to have the talk with his father. He knocked on the door to Craig’s office and stuck his head inside. “Got a minute or four?” he asked trying to be cheerful.

“That’s about all,” Craig said. “Come in.”

Justin entered and sat across the desk from his father. “Dad…” he began.

“I have a meeting later this morning with the ad agency that has been largely responsible for the expansion of Taylor Electronics and the surge in profits that we’re experiencing,” Craig explained. “I want you to sit in on that meeting, get a feel for what’s going on.”

“Um … sure, I guess I can.”

“Of course you can.”

“Dad…” Justin tried once again.

The phone took that moment to ring. Craig picked it up. “What is it, Joyce? I’m in the middle of something with Justin. What? Shit, I’ll head out right now.” Craig slammed the phone down onto the base and rubbed his hand over his face.

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked.

“It’s the building I’ve rented for our new store in Philly. There’s some kind of problem with permits, and we’re supposed to open in less than two weeks. I’m going to have to head over there right now and see if I can get things back on track.”

“Yeah, I guess you better go.”

“Take the meeting with the advertising people at eleven,” Craig stated.

“Okay, but I…”

“You don’t have to agree to anything. Just find out what their ideas are for the expansion and let me know.”

“Okay,” Justin said uncertainly.

“Tell your mother that I’ll probably stay overnight in Philly. It’s one helluva drive.”

“I know. I’m sorry you have to go.”

“Me too. Just take that meeting, and try to keep everything on an even keel while I’m gone. Joyce will help you. She’s a gem.”

“Okay.”

And with that Craig swept out of the office leaving Justin with all his resolutions unresolved.



*****



At 11 a.m. Justin stood at the door to the small conference room where Joyce had told him that Mr. Kinney from the Kinnetik Advertising Agency was waiting for him. Justin drew in a breath and opened the door. The man was arranging some boards along the windows of the room. He turned when he heard the door open.

“You!” Justin gasped when the realization of who he was looking at hit him with a huge impact.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 12





“You!” Justin gasped, when the realization of who he was looking at hit him with a huge impact.

“Yes?” Brian said raising an eyebrow. “Do I know you?” Brian wished he did. His gaydar was pinging like crazy and his cock was definitely interested.

“Um … no, probably not,” Justin muttered, trying to cover his outburst at the sight of his Brian. It was patently obvious that his Brian had no idea who Justin was. Justin could have kicked himself for blurting out, ‘You!’ He was making a fucking fool of himself.

“I’m Brian Kinney,” Brian said stepping forward and holding out his hand for Justin to shake. He couldn’t help but wonder who this striking but decidedly strange young man could be.

Justin moved farther into the room. “I’m Justin Taylor,” he managed to get out, as he tried to make his heart slow down and his mouth work to form words.

Brian took Justin’s proffered hand and shook. He felt a little jolt like static electricity when you drag your feet on a carpet. He looked down at the floor accusingly. Then he looked up into the bluest eyes he had ever seen, eyes that looked vaguely familiar. “Um … have we met somewhere?” Brian asked. He willed his dick to stay down and his memory to kick in.

Justin took in a deep breath and straightened his back. If Brian didn’t remember him, that was fine. He would not make a fool of himself and he would not let Brian make a fool of him either. “I’m sure if you’d met me before, you would have remembered,” Justin said with all the confidence he could muster. He smiled when he realized his voice sounded perfectly natural, even slightly arrogant. That pleased him for some reason.

“Um … yes, probably I would,” Brian muttered, his brow wrinkling at the change in Justin’s voice. He unwittingly used almost the same phrase that Justin had used a minute before, but in the negative.

Justin’s smile broadened. “I suppose you were expecting my father.”

Brian looked into the blue eyes. “Yes, the Mr. Taylor that I usually deal with is somewhat older.”

“Just somewhat?” Justin teased.

“Well, you do look all of … eighteen.”

“That much?” Justin giggled.

“You are eighteen, aren’t you?”

“Not any more. I passed that milestone a few years ago.”

“Really?”

“My father was called away, so he asked me to sit in for him.”

“Have you worked here long? I’ve never seen you before,” Brian said probing for some more information on the handsome man that stood before him.

“That sounds suspiciously like a pick-up line. You wouldn’t be trying to pick me up now, would you, Mr. Kinney?” Justin could swear he saw a slight rise in the color on Brian’s cheeks.

“Me? No, no, of course not,” Brian said hastily. What was it about this guy?

“Too bad,” Justin said with a grin.

Brian blinked and looked at this Justin Taylor. Was this a come-on? That was certainly how it seemed. Brian cleared his throat. He needed some more time to figure out just what was happening between the two of them. Everything seemed slightly off balance. “Should I start the presentation, that is, if your father’s not going to be here?”

“Yes, by all means,” Justin said sitting down at the head of the conference table. He folded his hands on the table and looked at Brian. He could do this, he decided. “Begin,” he ordered haughtily, trying to channel Jean-Luc Picard. He watched Brian Kinney’s reaction with satisfaction. Somehow he had managed to fluster the handsome Mr. Kinney. He enjoyed doing that. If the man didn’t remember him from that night on Liberty Avenue, there was nothing he could do about it. But maybe he could have some fun with him anyway. His Brian seemed definitely interested once again, or for the first time, whichever way it might be interpreted. Justin chuckled out loud.

“Is something funny?” Brian asked as he looked at the blond.

“Um … I just thought of something,” Justin said blushing a bit.

“Care to share.”

“I think not. Please proceed,” Justin said in his best imitation of his father in executive mode.

Brian went through the ideas he had dreamed up to make an impact with the expansion of Taylor Electronics. They included the standard opening day sales at all stores, and some very inventive incentives to get customers into the stores. Mr. Kinney actually called them “inventive incentives” on the flyers and ads he was proposing. Justin really liked that – the bluntness of what they were, and the creativity of thinking of them that way, and the implied humor. He liked the ideas a lot.

When Brian finished his presentation, he waited for Justin to say something. Justin sat in the same position looking thoughtful. Finally Brian couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Well?” Brian asked with a frown. He usually got a quick and positive response from Justin’s father. The son was something else. Brian wasn’t sure whether the younger Taylor liked his ideas or not.

“Does my father know you’re gay?” Justin asked out of the blue.

Brian blinked. Where the fuck had that come from? “I … I can’t say as that topic has ever come up,” he finally replied. “Why do you ask?”

Justin sucked his lips into his mouth, giving himself time to think about how he wanted to answer that. “My father doesn’t know that I’m gay,” he answered.

“Really?” Brian asked in surprise.

“You knew, didn’t you … as soon as I came into the room?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve been trying to tell him, but he’s so busy with this expansion that I haven’t been able to.”

Brian snorted. He wondered why Justin was telling him all this. “I bet you could have blurted it out … if you really wanted to.”

“You know … maybe you’re right.”

“It’s a scary process … coming out.”

“What did your parents say?”

Brian screwed his face up. “I never told my father until just before he died of lung cancer. He told me I should be the one dying, not him.”

Justin shivered. What parent would say that to their child? He couldn’t help but wonder what his own father might say. He hoped it wouldn’t be anything as cruel as that. “What about your mother?” Justin had to ask after a minute.

Brian sighed. “She doesn’t know.”

“She doesn’t?”

“I believe that’s what I said,” Brian replied. He let his exasperation with this line of questioning and with references to his fucking mother creep into his voice.

Justin was about to ask if Brian was afraid to tell her, but thought better of it, when he heard Brian’s tone of voice. “I liked your ideas,” he said instead.

“Huh?”

“Your ideas for the ads and flyers, I liked them.”

“Oh.”

“But … um … what about making the lettering purple instead of black?”

“Purple? Isn’t that too gay?” Brian asked tongue in cheek. He just couldn’t resist baiting the young man. “We wouldn’t want daddy…”

Justin interrupted abruptly. “I think the lettering should be purple.”

“What will your father think of that?”

“I’ll run it past him and let you know.”

“Okay,” Brian said stacking up his boards to take them back to his car.

“Purple is the new black, you know.”

“No, I didn’t know,” Brian admitted. “Where did you hear that?”

“In my art classes at Dartmouth.”

“Who the fuck goes to Dartmouth to take art classes?” Brian demanded.

“I did. My father wanted me to take business courses, and I wanted art courses. We compromised.”

Brian raised an eyebrow. “I often find that compromise simply waters everything down. Nobody’s happy with the outcome,” he said with an edge of bitterness in his voice.

Justin looked at him. He wondered what that statement meant, because it sounded like some kind of compromise had not worked out well for Brian. “It … um … it was nice meeting you, Mr. Kinney.” Justin held out his hand.

“You too,” Brian replied, shifting the boards he had in his arms, and shaking Justin’s hand. That little jolt of electricity struck again.

“That’s twice that’s happened,” Justin laughed.

Brian liked the sound of that laugh and he smiled back. A spur of the moment idea struck him. “Could I take you to lunch?” he said unexpectedly, and then mentally kicked himself for asking. This was business.

“Lunch?”

“Yeah, you know, that meal between breakfast and dinner. It is lunch time.”

“Is this like a date?” Justin asked with a twinkle in his eye.

“Date? No, of course not,” Brian protested. “It’s a business lunch.”

“Business?”

“Yes, we can discuss what shade of purple you want on those ads, and then I can write the meal off as a business expense.”

“Of course.” Justin laughed at the absurdity of it. His first date with his Brian would be a business lunch. How ironic was that!

“Let me take these down to my car, and then I’ll meet you at the front entrance,” Brian said. “There must be a halfway decent place to eat around here.”

And then he was gone without waiting for Justin’s affirmative or negative response.

“I guess I’m having lunch with the man of my dreams,” Justin sighed. He didn’t know whether to be scared or hopeful or both or none of the above. He didn’t know what to make of this unexpected meeting. It certainly didn’t live up to all the romantic and/or torrid meetings that Justin had dreamed up over the years since that night on Liberty. But it was a start … maybe. Anyway, he could use a free lunch, and he’d find out more about the handsome Brian Kinney. At least now, he had a last name for his Brian.



*****



Brian carried his boards out to the Jeep. He stowed them in the back and checked to see if the passenger seat was free and clear, in case he needed to drive somewhere for lunch. He moved his briefcase in behind the driver’s seat and shut the doors to the vehicle. He was about to walk back to the front of the building to meet Justin Taylor, when he saw the man step through the door and look around. Brian stayed at the side of his car where Justin could not easily see him. He wondered how long Justin would wait.

Some part of Brian Kinney was rebelling at this lesbianic display he was putting on for the young blond. It was utterly stupid. Brian didn’t do dates, he didn’t take people out to lunch unless he had to, and he certainly didn’t waste his time wining and dining when he could be fucking. He stared at Justin wondering why this one was different.

The man was quite beautiful, but he’d seen and had others who were more beautiful. Justin had a quick wit, and a little bit of arrogance, which intrigued Brian. He had known others with a much more caustic wit. He always appreciated that in a man. He could compete at caustic with the best of them. Justin had seemed a little unsure and worried especially when he first entered the room. Usually Brian didn’t do innocent, but there was a tender somewhat naïve quality to the young man, until he had got his back up. And then there was a fierceness and determination that Brian found … interesting. Maybe that was it. The man was a study in contradictions, and he had one fine ass and a beautiful smile to go along with it. His laugh was … engaging. Christ, Brian chastised himself. He couldn’t believe he was analyzing the attributes of Justin Taylor. He should simply take him to the loft and fuck his brains out. And that would be that.

Brian frowned. Or … he could get in his car and drive away. Then he wouldn’t have to deal with Justin Taylor at all. He’d just have to make sure that old man Taylor was in the office the next time he scheduled a meeting. But that would be very rude, especially since he had already invited Justin to lunch. And he kind of wanted to find out more about this guy. And then he’d fuck him. Yes, that was the plan with which he would proceed.

Brian sucked in a breath and stepped out from behind the Jeep.



*****



Justin came out the front door of the building. He looked around, but didn’t see Brian anywhere. He realized that he didn’t know what Brian’s car looked like. He had driven a Jeep that night on Liberty Avenue, but that was four years ago.

Justin let his mind drift back to that night. Unconsciously he leaned against the corner of the wall surrounding the entryway to the building. It was a lot like the pose he had struck that night when he had leaned against a lamppost and Brian had come to him.

With the flicker of a smile, Justin relived that moment in his head. He had spent so much time since that night thinking about what might have been. Here he was, finally meeting the man of his dreams again, and the guy didn’t even remember him. Justin let out a sigh. Life just wasn’t fair … at least not to him.

However, Brian had asked him to lunch. That was something. He could spend some time with Brian, and maybe the man’s memory would be jogged. Justin screwed up his face. How likely was that? Brian didn’t recognize him. Apparently that night on Liberty had been a fleeting encounter that hadn’t made much of an impact on Brian. Too bad it had made such an impact on himself, Justin thought. He had spent over four years thinking about this mystery man, and the mystery man hadn’t given him a second thought.

Justin looked around. He caught a glimpse of Brian Kinney standing behind … a Jeep. Justin smiled to himself. Some things didn’t change. Justin decided to try something. He thought back to that night on Liberty. He opened his suit jacket and let it flop slightly off his shoulder. He leaned back a little more against the building. He wished it was a lamppost, but the building would have to do. If only it was dark and there was some steam rising around him, that might make Brian remember. Justin looked in Brian’s direction, silently daring Brian to come get him.



*****



As Brian stepped out from behind his Jeep, he looked at Justin. He could almost swear that the young man was posing for him. It made him feel vaguely uneasy. It seemed like there was something he should remember and act on. But if there was, he couldn’t figure it out. He headed towards Justin.

“Hey,” he said as he approached the blond.

“Hey,” Justin replied with a small smile.

“Got any suggestions about where to eat?”

Justin sighed. He had been hoping that Brian would ask him if he had had a busy night. That would have proved that his actions had jogged Brian’s memory and made him remember that long ago night, but obviously they didn’t. “Joyce turned me on to a nice little café down the street,” he said.

“Good, let’s go.”

Justin took the lead as they headed towards the café. Lunch might prove interesting. Maybe it would lead to something more. Justin was already debating if he should tell Brian they had met before.

“This is it,” Justin said stopping in front of a small restaurant.

“After you,” Brian replied holding the door for the blond.

Justin smiled to himself as he entered. “Table for two,” he told the hostess.

The two men followed her to a small table next to the windows. They could look out into the street, and anyone who chose could look at them. Brian sat first, leaving Justin to seat himself. Justin had half expected Brian to hold his chair for him, but that would have been way too … gay … too over the top. He giggled to himself as he sat down.

“You have a habit of doing that,” Brian stated rather sarcastically.

“Doing what?” Justin asked. He hoped he hadn’t giggled out loud, but he probably had.

“Giggling. What’s so damn funny?”

“Oh nothing. I was just thinking about something.”

“Your mind must be a very entertaining place,” Brian said tongue in cheek.

Justin grinned. “You have no idea.”

Now it was Brian’s turn to chuckle. He did find the young Mr. Taylor quite entertaining. “Let’s order. I can’t stay too long.”

“Oh,” Justin said, the tone of his voice clearly showing that he was disappointed that Brian had to leave soon.

Something about Justin’s reaction warmed Brian’s cold heart. He gave himself a good shake, wondering what the fuck was going on with him. He was acting so out of character.

They placed their orders and the waitress immediately brought them coffee. Brian doused his with sugar and Justin raised an eyebrow as he watched him. He added a little cream and sugar to his own.

“So, how was Dartmouth?” Brian asked, having searched unsuccessfully for some other innocuous topic of conversation. He had decided against the weather.

“It was okay,” Justin said in a rather non-committal tone. “Where did you go to school?”

“PS 118,” Brian said with a smirk.

Justin giggled and Brian decided he could actually get used to that sound.

“And for your higher education?” Justin asked.

“Alleghany High. You?”

“St. James Academy.”

“Ah, a private school lad.”

“Yeah,” Justin said ruefully.

“You don’t sound very happy about your school career.”

“I’m not.”

“Why?” Brian asked as the waitress brought their salads.

“I got picked on a lot the last couple of years I was at St. James,” Justin admitted, although he wasn’t sure why he was telling Brian that.

“Because you’re gay?” Justin nodded as he started to eat his salad. “I got a bit of that when I was in high school.”

“Oh? What happened?” Justin wanted to know.

“One of the school jocks shoved my head into the toilet after gym class one day,” Brian said shaking his head at the memory.

“Eiw! Gross.”

“Yeah, very gross. It’s a wonder I didn’t contract hoof and ass disease.”

Justin laughed out loud. “Isn’t that hoof and mouth?”

“Not in my world,” Brian smirked.

“What did you do? Report him?”

“Would you have?” Brian challenged with a frown.

“Reported him?” Justin asked. Brian nodded. Justin looked thoughtful for a moment. “No, reporting homophobic acts never resulted in any kind of punishment for the perpetrator at St. James. It just meant I’d get picked on worse after I reported them.”

Brian nodded knowingly. “Exactly! So I waited till the jock opened his locker and leaned his hand along the side of it, and then I slammed the door on his fingers. He couldn’t play football for the rest of the season.”

Justin’s eyes had gotten very big. Brian waited for the man to cry out in horror at his actions. “I wish I’d thought of that,” Justin said after a moment. “Chris Hobbs would have gotten some of his own medicine if I had.”

Brian smiled. He liked this spunky guy. “Is Chris Hobbs your jock of the year from St. James?”

“Yep.”

“Did you ever retaliate?”

Justin shook his head. “No, I was too busy trying to please my parents. I knew it wouldn’t do me any good anyway. Every time I tried to stand up to the homophobic asshole, I was the one who got in trouble.”

“Been there, done that,” Brian commiserated. “That’s why I took matters into my own hands. I decided if I was going to get punished then I might as well do something worth being punished for.”

“I like your attitude,” Justin said with a smile.

Brian felt his cock jump at Justin’s approval and the sunny smile he had received from the blond. He wasn’t sure why Justin’s approval mattered to him, but it did. Brian looked at his watch. “I have to get going.”

“Sure,” Justin said, as he finished his salad.

They got up and went to the front counter to pay for their meals. Brian took care of that while Justin waited for him. As they exited the restaurant, Justin thanked Brian for the lunch.

“I … enjoyed it,” Brian said, realizing that he actually had. They walked along the street in silence, until Brian said, “Do you ever go to Babylon?”

“Babylon?” Justin asked remembering that he had been told about it by the guy in Torso when he was buying clothes to wear to the GLC art show. That was a long time ago. He wondered why he remembered.

“It’s a dance club,” Brian was saying when Justin tuned back in. “I’ll be there tomorrow night. We could … dance.”

Justin’s smile rivaled the sun on the early summer day. “That would be nice,” he said with a husky quality to his voice.

Brian wanted to yank him into the Jeep and fuck him senseless, but something told him that wouldn’t be a good idea. “Then I’ll see you at Babylon.”

Justin nodded and entered Taylor Electronics. His heart was pounding in his chest.

Brian Kinney climbed into his Jeep and let out a long breath. What the fuck was he doing? Had he just made a date with the blond? He had to be losing his fucking mind. He started the car and peeled out of his parking space.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 13





Justin drove his mother’s car along Liberty Avenue. He’d have to get some wheels of his own. He was sick of living at home, working for his father, driving his mother’s car, carpooling to work with his father. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be when he graduated from universityHe shook his head.

He looked along Liberty. It hadn’t changed much since the day he had come there with Daphne to find an outfit to wear to his first art show at the Gay and Lesbian Center. He smiled a little at the memory. He had been terrified to be on Liberty Avenue again, so soon after his abbreviated meeting with Brian. He kept expecting Brian to pop up at any minute, and sweep him off his feet, or sneak into the fitting room of Torso and fuck him senseless, or walk right past him and not care that he was there. But none of those things had happened.

With a sigh Justin pulled into a parking space down the street from Torso. He turned off the engine and sat there for a minute.

What was he doing there? Looking for something to wear to Babylon was the quick answer. Getting more comfortable with his own sexuality was part of a more complicated answer. Trying to find the outfit that would seduce Brian Kinney and would lead to the night with the handsome brunet that had been stolen from him so many years before. That was the actual reason.

Justin got out of the car. He locked it and started walking towards Torso. He let his mind wander back to that first night on Liberty, remembering how afraid he had been. But he also had had determination. He had been sure of what he wanted that night. He didn’t think he had ever been that sure about anything since.

Stopping in front of Torso, Justin looked at the suggestive clothing in the window. Was he more ready to wear that now than he had been four years ago? He doubted it. He pushed open the door of Torso, wondering if that guy who had waited on him back then would still be there.

Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your point of view, there was a new sales person that Justin had never seen before. This guy wasn’t nearly as exuberant or out there as the other one had been. In fact this one seemed rather bored. He found a few outfits for Justin to try on, after Justin had looked through the racks. The guy didn’t suggest anything or make any encouraging comments when Justin pirouetted in front of the mirror with an outfit on. Justin wondered how the guy made any sales, but in the end Justin picked one of the outfits and paid for it. Maybe the salesclerk had the right idea after all.

As he walked back to the car, Justin couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like at Babylon that night. He wanted to see Brian again, wanted to dance with him, wanted … everything.



*****



Brian dried himself off, having just showered. He fastened the towel around his hips. It was already almost eleven. He had been going to go to Woody’s until it was time for Babylon, but something had held him back. The guys would have been there, and they might have suspected that he … sorta kinda had a date. And how the fuck was he going to explain that? Brian wasn’t at all sure what he was doing with this Justin Taylor, and he definitely knew that he wouldn’t be able to explain it to the boiz. Hell, he couldn’t fucking explain it to himself.

Brian threw some clothes on the bed and looked at them. Maybe he should just forget this whole thing. He could go to the baths and get his dick sucked, and nobody would be any the wiser. He could tell Michael and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern that something had come up. They all understood what that meant.

But then … what about Justin Taylor? Fuck! Brian didn’t want to hurt him. He was definitely attracted to the blond. He would like nothing better than to fuck him. So, why the fuck was he doing all this dating crap, or whatever the fuck it was? He should go to Babylon, find the blond and bring him back here to fuck. Maybe one dance would be enough to accomplish that. With a little bit of luck he might not even run into the gang. Maybe they’d be too busy hooking up for the evening. Yeah, right! Who was he kidding? They’d be at the bar waiting for him to arrive. Then they could watch his latest exploits.

With a heavy sigh, Brian began to put on the outfit he had selected.



*****



Justin got out of the cab and looked down the alley to Babylon. There was already a long lineup. He sighed. There was a chance that he might not even get in. He’d be standing outside while Brian found someone else inside. Shit! He knew he should have come earlier, but he hadn’t wanted to seem too eager. He got into line behind the last person.

“Hey!” the guy in front of him said, turning to size him up. “I haven’t seen you around here before.”

“That’s because I haven’t been here before.”

“You should go to the front of the line,” the guy said appraisingly.

“I should?”

“Yeah, you’re hot!”

“I am?”

The guy laughed. “Yeah, sweetie pie, and so fucking adorable to boot.”

Justin frowned. He wasn’t used to this kind of thing happening to him. He’d been hit on before, but not like this. Is this what Babylon was all about? Justin wondered if he should just leave. It didn’t look like he’d get into the club for at least another hour.

“Save me a dance when we get inside?” the guy persisted.

“Actually, I’m supposed to be meeting somebody here,” Justin explained.

“Isn’t everybody?” the guy said knowingly.

The man obviously didn’t believe him. “He’ll be here,” Justin said defiantly.

The guy made some kind of noise that said he didn’t believe that either. “You won’t find anybody better than me,” the guy told him.

“I’ll take my chances,” Justin retorted.



*****



Brian found a spot for his Jeep and headed into the alley that led to the entrance of Babylon. He saw a familiar blond head at the end of the line of men waiting to be admitted to the club. Justin looked hot. He had tight jeans and a sweater that skimmed his slim chest. It looked soft and … very touchable, as did what was underneath it.

Brian moved closer. He heard Justin tell the guy in front of him that he was meeting someone. Me, Brian thought with a smirk. He heard the guy telling Justin he wouldn’t find anybody better than himself. Brian snorted and stepped forward.

“He already has found somebody better,” Brian declared and gave the guy a withering death glare. The man turned around immediately. He didn’t want to mess with Brian fucking Kinney.

“Brian,” Justin said with relief in his voice. “I … I didn’t know where to meet you.”

“Come with me,” Brian ordered. He took Justin’s elbow and propelled him to the front of the line.

“But…” Justin tried to protest. He didn’t want to make a fool of himself when they turned him away.

“Hey, Brian,” the bouncer at the door said.

“Hey, he’s with me,” Brian proclaimed and they slipped into the club.

“How … how did you do that?” Justin asked.

“They know me.”

“Seems like they do,” Justin said looking at Brian with different eyes. The bouncer knew Brian’s name, and he had let them right in. How much time did Brian spend there?

He was about to ask when Brian said, “Let’s get a drink.” Brian pushed Justin ahead of him towards the bar. He ordered two shots of scotch and immediately threw his shot back. Justin sipped his. He looked around at the barely clad men on the platforms that surrounded the dance floor. The men on the dance floor didn’t have a lot more on themselves. Justin suddenly felt overdressed.

“Interesting place,” Justin finally yelled to Brian above the thumpa thumpa of the music.

“I take it that gay dance clubs aren’t really your scene,” Brian observed.

“Is it that obvious?” Justin joked.

“Just a tad.”

“I bought a clubbing outfit specifically for tonight,” Justin said holding his arms out so that Brian could get a good look.

“I approve.” Brian felt his cock harden at the thought of divesting the scrumptious Mr. Taylor of his clubbing clothes. “Do you dance?’

“I’ve been known to.”

“Come on.” Brian led him out onto the dance floor.

Justin was all set to show off some of the moves that he and Daphne had perfected over the years when they were in high school. He never got the chance. Brian pulled him against his body and started grinding his crotch against Justin’s. Justin gasped as he realized what Brian was doing. He had never “danced” like this. Brian’s hot breath was against Justin’s ear, followed closely by his tongue. Justin felt himself grow hard.

“Brian,” Justin groaned.

“Want to get out of here?” Brian whispered in his ear.

“I…”

“Brian! Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you,” a voice whined from behind Justin.

Justin forced his eyes to focus on the source of the voice.

“Mikey,” Brian said, “what the fuck do you want?”

Justin recognized the dark man who had called Brian away from him that night on Liberty Avenue. He groaned inwardly. Was this guy going to take Brian away from him again?

“We were up on the catwalk and we saw you dancing,” this Mikey person said. “You were supposed to meet us.” There was a hint of accusation in the man’s words, Justin realized. And a great deal of possessiveness, if Justin was interpreting those words correctly.

“I’m busy,” Brian stated shoving his hard dick against Justin’s groin.

“Briiiaaan,” Mikey whined. “Come have a drink with us. Ted and Emmett are over by the bar.”

“We were just about to leave,” Brian said.

“Come have a drink with us, and then you can take him to the back room.”

“Excuse me!” Justin interrupted indignantly. He had no intention of going to the back room, and he certainly wasn’t going to be told what to do by this Mikey person.

“Don’t mind Mikey. He has no manners,” Brian told Justin.

“Brian, come on,” Mikey practically begged. “I never get to see you anymore.”

“I’m busy, and I thought you and the professor would be at home playing happy fags.”

“I’m out tonight. Ben’s teaching an evening class.”

“Fuck!” Brian reacted. “Okay, one drink and then we’re gone.”

Mikey smiled. He had got his way. Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and led him over to the bar. Justin felt relief that Brian hadn’t abandoned him in the middle of the dance floor to go with his friend. He supposed he should be happy with small mercies such as that. However, he just felt ticked that his night with Brian had been interrupted by Brian’s whiny friend once again.

“Two scotch,” Brian told the bartender.

“And who do we have here?”

Justin glanced at the man who asked that question. He immediately recognized the guy from Torso, his first visit there. Emmett, yes, that was the name, was wearing tangerine leather pants and a see through top. Where else could that outfit have come from except Torso?

“My name’s Justin.”

“I’m Emmett. And what a cutie pie you are! How does Mr. Kinney find them?” Then Emmett frowned as he studied Justin. Justin thought maybe he recognized him. “That outfit came from Torso, didn’t it?’

Justin chuckled. He supposed he wasn’t nearly as recognizable as he thought he was. Brian didn’t remember him, and now neither did Emmett. “Yes, the outfit’s from Torso. Isn’t yours?”

“Yes, it is. I used to work there.”

“But you don’t anymore?” Justin asked. Brian handed Justin one of the glasses of scotch and he took a sip of the strong liquor.

“No, I’ve started my own party planning business,” Emmett said proudly.

“Emmett’s in fag heaven telling people how to decorate and what to eat,” the other man at the bar said. “Hi, I’m Ted.”

“Hello, Ted,” Justin said shaking Ted’s hand.

“Have we met before, sweetie?” Emmett asked.

“Why, do I look familiar?”

“Yes, yes, you do.”

“But you don’t remember from where?” Justin teased.

“No, but I could swear…”

“No swearing in my presence,” Brian stated tongue in cheek.

“Yeah, that would make his sensitive widdle ears burn,” the Mikey guy piped up.

“Always looking out for me, aren’t you?” Brian asked pulling Mikey into a hug.

“You know we always look out for each other,” Mikey said.

“The Brian and Michael show,” Ted said rather sarcastically.

“You’re jealous because you’ve never been part of any kind of a show,” Brian retorted rather uncharitably.

Ted scowled and said, “At least I understand when it’s a show, unlike some of us.” He looked knowingly at Michael.

Brian merely raised an eyebrow and polished off his drink. “Time to go,” Brian said.

“Wait, Brian. Dance with me before you leave,” Michael pleaded.

Brian looked at Justin who shrugged. Justin wanted to leave, but he wouldn’t stoop to being a whiny shit like Michael was. He seriously hoped he was a cut above the tactics Michael used to get Brian’s attention. However, Michael had effectively managed to ruin their evening.

“Come on, Brian. One dance,” Michael begged.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Brian said to Justin as he let Michael drag him out onto the dance floor.

“Does Michael always get his way?” Justin asked Ted and Emmett, interested to find out more about this man with claims on Brian, and horrible timing where Justin was concerned.

“With Brian?” Ted asked with a laugh. “He doesn’t get nearly everything he wants, not by a long shot. And he never will. But I guess he gets enough.”

“There’s never enough,” Emmett observed, “to quote our fearless leader.”

“Sometimes there’s too much,” Justin said watching Michael fawning all over Brian.

“How long have you known Brian?” Emmett asked observing Justin’s reaction to the Brian and Michael show on the dance floor.

“Why do you ask?”

“You don’t seem like one of Brian’s usual tricks.”

“I’m not a trick,” Justin declared. He had decided that he wasn’t going to settle for that tonight, or maybe ever.

Ted nearly spit out his beer when Justin made that declaration. “It certainly appears that Brian thinks you are.”

“Is that right?” Justin asked with a frown.

“Brian doesn’t do anything but tricks,” Ted said. “You get one night and then you’re out.”

“That sounds like Project Runway,” Emmett chuckled.

Justin looked at the two men and then out to the dance floor where Michael and Brian were still dancing. “I have to go,” he said. “Tell Brian I’ll see him another time.”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Ted called after him as Justin headed out of the club.

Justin stepped outside and walked to the corner to grab a cab. He felt a huge pressure in his chest, and there seemed to be tears that wanted to come out of his eyes for some reason. He fought them back as he climbed into the cab. He wouldn’t cry over Brian Kinney. He had done that once before, and it had got him nowhere. This time it would be different. It was time to cut Brian Kinney out of his life and out of his memory. Obviously they weren’t meant to be together. He’d wasted enough of his life thinking and dreaming about Brian Kinney. He finally recognized a lost cause for what it was.

He gave the cab driver his home address and leaned back into the soft seat. It was time he got on with his life. Tomorrow he would tell his father he was gay, and he would find a car and start looking for an apartment of his own. Then he had to decide what he was going to do with the rest of his life. Tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day.



*****



Brian finally got Michael to let him go and he walked back to the bar. Emmett and Ted were still propped against the bar, but there was no sign of Justin.

“Did Justin go to the restroom?” Brian asked with a frown.

“You know his name?” Michael asked.

“Yes, I fucking know his name. Where is he?”

“He left,” Ted said. “He asked us to tell you that he’d see you another time.”

“Fuck!” Brian said as he stared at the exit of Babylon.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 14





Brian sat at his desk at Kinnetik. He was looking at the latest Liberty Air ads in a magazine. They were a crock of shit. Brian couldn’t help but wonder if they were the handiwork of Kip Thomas. The Ryder Agency was still functioning, but Brian knew that Marty Ryder couldn’t be happy about how his business was going. Brian had heard the rumors, as he was sure everybody else in advertising had. The agency was on a downward spiral into the toilet. That knowledge made Brian smile. He would like nothing better than to see the demise of the Ryder Advertising. It would serve Marty Ryder right for choosing Kip Thomas over him.

Brian let his mind wander to the possibilities of what his business might be like if he had Liberty Air as a client. He had spent four years working to build Kinnetik by going after small clients, clients that Ryder wouldn’t even look at. Brian had done well for himself … and his clients, all things considered. His clients appreciated his work. He had helped build many small businesses into successful and larger companies … just like Taylor Electronics.

Justin Taylor! The handsome blond flitted into Brian’s mind. A frown creased his brow. He had let Justin Taylor escape, and all because of Mikey. If only he hadn’t agreed to dance with his friend… Justin Taylor would have been his, Brian was certain of it.

But maybe it wasn’t too late. He flipped through his rolodex and stopped at Taylor Electronics. Maybe it wasn’t too late at all. His fingers hovered above the keypad of the phone. But he couldn’t lift the receiver and dial the number. It went against one of his main mantras – don’t chase after anybody. He wasn’t going to start now. Brian moved his hand back to his desk and looked at the Liberty Air ads again.

After a minute or two another thought crossed his mind. If the Liberty Air ads were as pathetic as he deemed them to be, maybe the company would be interested in making some changes. Maybe they would be looking for a new advertising agency. Maybe they’d be interested in him … again. Brian smiled as he picked up the phone.

A few minutes later he set the phone back on its base and leaned back in his chair. The executive in charge of advertising for Liberty Air had sounded interested in Brian’s proposal as they chatted on the phone. He even seemed to remember some of Brian’s ads from what … five years ago. Brian had done good work back then, and he could do good work for them again. The executive wasn’t the one Brian had dealt with in the past, but he had seemed interested. Maybe Brian could recapture some of the magic he had created when Liberty Air had first been his client.



*****



Justin Taylor was sitting behind his father’s desk, looking through the files his father had given him to learn more about the family business. Justin wasn’t sure why he was bothering to read them. He knew he would never be able to do this for a living … for the rest of his life. It just wasn’t him.

But first things first! He had to tell his father that he was gay. He couldn’t live like this any longer. He wanted to be open and above board for the first time in his life. He had done everything his father had asked of him. He had turned down PIFA, he had gone to Dartmouth, he had graduated near the top of his class, and here he was working in the family business … well, sort of. His heart certainly wasn’t in it.

Surely all his sacrifices would count for something and his father would forgive him for being gay. Justin had no delusions about being accepted as a gay man by his father. He knew where his father stood on homosexuality – right on a gay man’s balls. If Craig Taylor could wipe homosexuality off the face of the earth, he certainly would do it. The best Justin could hope for was that, maybe, because it was his son, Craig would be able to forgive him and not be too harsh. Justin truly hoped he could make his father understand.

With a deep sigh, Justin ran the words through his head once again. He had worked up a pretty speech to say to his father. Well, he thought it was an okay speech. He wasn’t sure how one was supposed to break this to a parent. But this was the best way Justin could think of to tell his father. He knew his father would go ballistic at first, but maybe after he had time to process it, he would accept his gay son. And then there was his mother. Justin suspected that Jennifer already knew … on some level, that he was gay. He thought his mother would handle him coming out better than his father might. Maybe he should have told her first, but somehow he felt the need to face his father without his mother breaking ground for him. It was time to stand up for himself and be a man, a gay man.

“Justin,” Craig Taylor said as he walked into the office. “Hard at work? That’s what I like to see.”

“Wow! You must have made good time coming back from Philadelphia.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“How did things go in Phillie?” Justin asked.

“All sorted.”

Justin smiled. That would mean his father would be in a good mood. Maybe this was the right moment to tell him. “Dad, could we talk for a minute?”

“I’m always here to talk about the business. Did you run into a problem while I was gone?”

“No, no, nothing like that. Mr. Kinney made his presentation. I thought it was very clever. I left you some notes about it in that folder,” Justin said pointing to a folder on Craig’s desk.

“Good work. I’m glad you handled that for me.”

“That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about, Dad.”

“Okay, shoot,” Craig said sitting down and leaning back in his chair.

“It … um … it’s about who I am,” Justin stammered. Suddenly he was having trouble remembering any of his prepared speech.

“Who you are? Oh, you mean like a title. I should have thought about that. How about vice president in charge of advertising … and miscellaneous other jobs,” Craig added with a laugh. “We’ll get you a proper title right away. Let me think about it.”

“But, Dad…”

“Don’t worry about it, Justin. I promise it will be something good, and I think it actually will be a good thing for us to divide the work between us. I feel like I’m running all over the place at the moment.”

“You are,” Justin said. He let out a sigh. Maybe the office wasn’t the place to do this. “Can I talk to you about something personal when you get home tonight?”

“Of course you can, Justin. You know I’m always available to talk with you.”

“Thanks, Dad. I’ll remember that.” Justin stood and walked out of his father’s office.

Joyce smiled at him as he headed to his own small office. It seemed like he was becoming a permanent fixture at Taylor Electronics whether he wanted to be one or not.



*****



“Erica, get me Taylor Electronics on the phone,” Brian said.

He had decided he wanted to talk to Justin Taylor and find out why he had left Babylon in such a hurry. Brian knew he was still interested in the blond and he certainly had gotten a vibe that told him Justin was interested in him. But Brian Kinney did not beg for attention. He did not pursue conquests, well, except maybe to grab them and drag them into the back room at Babylon. Brian snorted. He had done enough of that over the years, except for the couple of years that Stockwell had been mayor. Brian had managed to work around that while the back rooms were closed. He smiled. He had had more than his fair share of conquests in the back rooms, but this thing with Justin Taylor felt different somehow.

Brian rationalized that if he called Taylor Electronics, he would probably get put through to Justin, and then he could casually find out what had gone wrong at Babylon. Maybe he could put it right without being too obvious about it. He would like another crack at Justin Taylor.

“Line one,” Erica said to him on the intercom.

“Mr. Taylor?” Brian said into the phone.

“Yes, Brian, I like the ideas you showed to my son,” Craig Taylor’s voice came back to him over the line.

Brian groaned inwardly. This was certainly not the Taylor he wanted to talk to. He cleared his throat. “I’m glad that you liked the ads. Should we proceed with them?”

“I don’t see why not,” Craig replied.

“Good.” Brian was about to hang up when he remembered something else. “Oh, Mr. Taylor, Justin suggested that we change the color of the text to purple instead of black.”

“I’ve told you to call me Craig, and yes, I did see that in Justin’s notes. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I’m told on good authority that purple is the new black,” Brian smirked. “I think it would give an added boost to the ads. Make them stand out.”

Craig frowned. Purple was such a gay color. “If you use a dark purple, I suppose it would be all right. But none of that pansy lilac crap.”

Brian bristled at Craig’s pansy crack. “I wouldn’t dream of including lilac crap, Craig,” he said abruptly, choosing to leave out the derogatory reference to gays, and stressing Craig’s name. After all these years Craig Taylor still didn’t seem to have figured out that Brian was gay, just like he hadn’t figured out that his own son was either.

“Okay then, go ahead with the ads.”

“I will,” Brian said coldly. “Um … is Justin in today?”

“Yes, he is. Did you want to speak to him?”

“Yes. … Please,” Brian added as an afterthought.

“Need to check on the shade of purple?” Craig laughed. “I’ll put you through.” Craig pushed the hold button before Brian could respond.

“Justin Taylor,” a familiar voice said.

“Brian Kinney.”

“Hello, Mr. Kinney.”

‘Cold and formal,’ Brian thought. Not a good sign. “Justin,” Brian began, trying to sound casual. “What happened the other night at Babylon? You just disappeared.”

“I … um … I thought it was time for me to leave,” Justin said uncertainly. He really hadn’t thought he’d ever hear from Brian Kinney again, at least not other than professionally.

“Why did you think that?”

“Dad said you wanted to talk to me. I thought this was about our ads.”

“Your father thinks we should pick a shade of purple, as long as it’s not some pansy lilac color. What do you think?”

Justin giggled in spite of himself. “My father does have a way with words.”

“Yeah,” Brian snorted.

“I think it should be a deep purple, no pansy lilac at all,” Justin laughed.

“I agree completely. Maybe a royal purple.”

“That sounds good. Or we could do lilac and drive him crazy,” Justin suggested.

“You do have a cruel streak, young man,” Brian chuckled. “Um … would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I could bring some shades of purple for you to look at,” Brian said.

Justin frowned. Was he being asked out, or was this a business meeting? “I think you’re capable of choosing the right purple,” Justin replied, deciding he didn’t want to be involved in another fiasco like their night at Babylon. It was better to be safe than sorry. That was how Justin had lived most of his life.

“I certainly am capable, but I’d still like your input,” Brian countered, not wanting to directly ask Justin out.

“I…”

“Come on,” Brian said. “You’ll enjoy yourself.”

“Okay, if you can guarantee that I’ll enjoy myself,” Justin teased. “Can I meet you somewhere?”

Brian debated the ethics of picking Justin up, but decided that would definitely be too much like a date. “How about Pappagano’s at seven?”

“Okay.”

“I … I’ll bring the color samples,” Brian said lamely, refusing to let the words that he was thinking spill out of his mouth. He wanted to say that he was looking forward to dinner with Justin, but he refused to sound so lesbianic.

“Okay, seven at Pappagano’s,” Justin repeated before cutting the connection.

Brian pulled his phone away from his ear, looking at it like an alien item of torture. Justin had basically hung up on him. Brian couldn’t help but wonder where the enthusiastic young man he had taken to lunch a couple of days ago had gone. They had both felt the connection, but now Justin seemed to be totally disinterested. However, he had agreed to dinner. Brian would have to work from there. He set the phone back on the cradle and started planning for his dinner with Justin Taylor.



*****



“Are you ready to leave?” Craig asked just before six.

Justin had already asked his father twice if he was ready to go home. He was going to grab a ride with his father since his mother had dropped him off in the morning. Justin needed to get ready for his “business dinner” or “date” or whatever the fuck it was with Brian Kinney.

“Yes,” Justin said hastily standing up and grabbing his jacket.

“Let’s go.”

Justin followed his father out to the car and got in the passenger side. He wondered if he should bring up the topic of being gay. They could discuss it in the car, provided his father didn’t go insane when he told him and drive them into a telephone pole.

“Dad,” Justin said gently.

“Yes, son, you wanted to talk to me about something?”

Craig sounded calm, gentle almost. Maybe this was the right time.

“I … I have something to tell you, and I hope you’ll hear me out and not get mad.”

Craig glanced over at his son. “Did something happen while I was in Philadelphia?”

“No, this isn’t about business.”

“Then just say it, Justin. I’ve had the feeling for days that you wanted to tell me something. You’re not quitting the business, are you?”

Justin wanted to say yes, but that wasn’t really the topic he wanted to discuss. “Dad, for a long time now, I’ve known that I … that I’m gay.” Justin held his breath and waited. His father didn’t say anything. “Did … did you hear me?” Justin asked.

“I heard you,” Craig spat out, “but no son of mine is gay.”

Justin glanced at his father and saw the clenched jaw. At least his father hadn’t screamed at him. “I am gay, Dad,” Justin averred.

“I said, ‘No son of mine is gay.’” Craig repeated between clenched teeth.

“Dad…”

“Shut the fuck up, Justin. You’re not gay. You can’t be,” Craig declared. Justin could hear the desperation in his father’s voice.

“I am.”

Craig whipped the car into the driveway and slammed on the brakes. He exited the car grabbing his briefcase and turning his back on his son, who slowly got out of the car. This was not the reaction that Justin had expected. How could he be any clearer that he was gay, but his father refused to believe him?

Justin approached the front door of the house, following behind his father. Craig already had the door open having used his key to unlock it. He wheeled to face his son.

“If you’re gay, you don’t enter my house,” Craig stated with a cold emphatic voice. “Do I make myself clear? Make your choice.”

“Dad, I…”

“Choose, Justin. Come in if you’re … normal. Get the fuck out if you’re not!”

Justin heard the ultimatum with unbelieving ears. “I am gay. How can I say I’m not when I know that’s a lie?”

“Then find somewhere else to live. I have no son, and you have no place in this house.”

Craig stepped across the threshold and slammed the door behind him. Justin heard the lock click, effectively barring him from the place that had been his home for so long.

Justin had a key to the house, but how could he use it after what his father had said? With a sigh he turned and walked down the driveway. He half hoped his mother would rush out and tell him to come in, that she’d make everything all right. But no one came. Justin got to the end of the driveway and looked each way, wondering what the fuck he was going to do now.

After a minute he pulled out his cell phone. Maybe if he called a cab, he could find a cheap motel to stay in for the night. After that he had no idea what he was going to do.



*****



Brian was on his third scotch, and it was almost gone. He sat at his table with two place settings and stared at the entrance to Pappagano’s, willing Justin to walk through the door. He had been doing that for almost an hour, Brian realized, as he checked his watch once again.

“Would you care for another drink?” his waiter asked as he stood beside Brian’s table. “Or perhaps you would like to order dinner?”

“I’ve lost my appetite,” Brian said draining his glass. He pulled out his wallet and peeled off fifty dollars. He flopped it down on the table and quickly made his way out of the restaurant.

As he neared his Jeep, he cursed aloud. “Fuck!” He had been fucking stood up. If anyone was going to do the standing up, it was supposed to be him, not Justin fucking Taylor.

“Shit!” he said to his empty car as he slammed the door and started the engine. He needed the back room of Babylon, and he needed it now.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 15





Justin rolled over and blinked his eyes. He raised his head and squinted at the streak of light that was shining through the crack in the heavy, ugly, plasticized, flowered drapes of the dingy room he was in. The beam of sunlight hit him right in the face. He rubbed his eyes and looked around trying to remember how he had ended up in this dive. The Sleep Inn motel was what it was called he finally remembered. How could it be a bright sunny day outside when he felt so shitty? It should be pouring rain, with thunder and lightning, in sympathy with his feelings.

He recalled using his cell phone last night to call a cab. It had brought him here. Justin’s head flopped back onto his pillow. What the fuck was he going to do? He had nothing. His father had kicked him out without any of his belongings. He couldn’t go home and he couldn’t afford to live here for very long. He was royally screwed. Maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut about being gay. But no, he wanted to be honest, wanted to be true to himself, and look where that had landed him.

Now he had no job, no home, no prospects. And worse still, he had no friends. Daphne was an intern at a hospital in Philadelphia now. Jodi had got a job in Wisconsin or Utah or somewhere, working for some accounting firm. Justin was all alone.

Justin felt a tear slide out of the corner of his eye. He quickly swiped it away. He would not cry. He had decided to be truthful, and it had cost him, but at least he wouldn’t have to pretend to be something that he wasn’t.

With a heavy heart Justin threw back the covers and headed for the bathroom.



*****



Brian rolled over and looked into a pair of brown eyes. “Who the fuck are you?” Brian asked.

“We met at Babylon last night,” the guy said with a smile.

“In the backroom, no doubt,” Brian stated. Since Stockwell had been voted out of office the backrooms along Liberty had reopened and were doing a booming business.

“Yeah, some other guy had just blown you, and you were ready to go again, so I…”

Brian held up his hand to stop the lengthy explanation of how they had met. He didn’t want to know and he didn’t care. Like he gave a flying fuck anyway. “Time for you to go,” Brian said.

“I could ‘go’ again,” the guy said with a suggestive ripple of his eyebrows.

“I meant go, as in leave, depart, amscray!”

“Jesus,” the guy protested. “Can I take a shower first?”

“No, I’m low on water. Get out!”

“You really are a huge fucking asshole, Kinney!”

“And you don’t seem to be able to understand a fucking two word sentence. Get out!” Brian repeated.

“Fuck you!” the guy said as he threw back the covers and grabbed his clothes.

After a minute Brian heard the loft door slam. He hoped it was still on its track, but he couldn’t be bothered to look. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. What the hell had he done last night? He didn’t remember the guy who was in bed with him, he didn’t remember the backroom, he vaguely remembered having a drink at the bar at Babylon. Well, maybe three or four or five or a hundred. He remembered taking a snort once or twice or… Who the hell knew? What had he been thinking?

Truth was, he didn’t want to think at all. And there was the truth of it! He’d been stood up! Brian Kinney, still reigning stud of Liberty Avenue had been stood up. Was this the beginning of the end? It sure had seemed like it last night. Fuck Justin Taylor! Fuck him to Hell! Fuck them all!

Brian shut his eyes tight. He felt sick to his stomach and his head throbbed. And it wasn’t because he was hung over from too much drink and drugs. When Brian opened his eyes, he felt other eyes staring at him.

“What do you want?” he demanded of the drawing of the eyes he had purchased a long time ago from the GLC. It had been a frivolous purchase when he should have been spending his money on much more practical things back then. Ever since he had brought the sketch home, it had stood on top of his dresser leaning against the shutters, looking at him. How many times had he talked to those eyes over the years? What difference did it make? The eyes never provided him with any answers.

Or maybe they did, Brian thought. He sat up in bed. What he needed to do was talk to Justin Taylor. If he did, he could probably talk the man into his bed, and then his reputation as the Stud of Liberty Avenue would be restored to its former state, at least in his own mind. There could be any number of reasons that Justin didn’t show up the previous night. Justin had seemed to want to get together with him. Maybe something had come up. Brian snickered to himself. How many times had he used that one? Maybe he had jumped to conclusions where Justin Taylor was concerned.

Brian glanced over at the eyes. He shook his head and had to smile. Maybe he was going crazy … talking to a fucking sketch! Anyway, he had some things to do. He threw the covers back and headed for the shower.



*****



Justin dried himself off. He felt a little better having taken a shower. He needed to sit down and figure out what the hell he was going to do. He started to pull on some clothes when his stomach rumbled mightily. He realized he hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before. He had missed dinner.

Shit! Dinner! He was supposed to have dinner with Brian Kinney the night before, and he had totally forgotten about it when his father had thrown him out. Could things get any fucking worse? Justin thought about calling Brian, but they had not exchanged phone numbers. They had always met at Taylor Electronics or talked on the phone at work, and they had arranged their dinner date, if that’s what it could be called, from there. Justin knew Brian owned Kinnetik Advertising, but it was Saturday and he doubted the company would be open. He’d have to wait until Monday to get in touch with Brian.

Besides he had other more pressing things to think about, like how he was going to survive. He finished dressing, listening to his stomach rumble. He needed to get some breakfast and figure out what the fuck he was going to do. He grabbed his room key and headed out to see if there was a diner nearby.



*****



Brian slid into the booth at the Liberty Diner. He was beside Michael. Ted and Emmett sat across from him.

“Someone looks like shit,” Emmett observed as he broke off some pancake and stuffed it into his mouth. Only Emmett had the balls to say things like that to Brian.

Brian glared at him. “I had a busy night,” Brian replied to cover up what had actually happened.

“I know,” Emmett replied. “I saw you at Babylon.”

Brian raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything in response. He wondered what Emmett would say about his activities at Babylon. Since Brian didn’t remember much of the evening, he had no way of knowing what Emmett might have seen.

“Pray, tell us all about the mighty adventures of the Stud of Liberty,” Ted coaxed.

“The inimitable Mr. Kinney disappeared into the backroom and I never saw him again,” Emmett said, picking up a strip of bacon and nibbling on the end.

“So nothing’s changed,” Michael chuckled. “We know that’s Brian’s favorite vacation spot.”

“Coffee,” Brian said to Kiki as she went by. Trust Michael to get him off the hook.

“You should eat a good breakfast,” Michael said, as he hoovered in his own eggs and bacon. “We’re going to the gym after this.”

“Not me,” Brian said. “I’m working on a new ad campaign. I’m going to the office.”

“Briiiaan,” Michael whined. “You hardly ever spend time with us, and now you won’t come to the gym with us.”

“I have work to do,” Brian stated.

“Leave him alone, Michael,” Ted advised. “You can find him at Babylon tonight.”

“Can I?” Michael asked giving Brian the puppy dog eyes.

“We’ll see,” Brian replied, as he finished his coffee and threw a five dollar bill on the table. “Gotta go.”

And he left the diner before any of them could say more.



*****



Justin sat in the small diner down the street from the motel. He had found a paper by the entrance and was currently scanning the employment opportunities section. He had to get a job, but he had no idea what he was looking for. He had a degree in business, but the last thing he wanted to do was work at something like he had been doing at his father’s company. He needed to find something more … creative.

Justin finished the last of his bacon and his last swallow of coffee. There was nothing in the help wanted ads that he was either qualified for or was interested in. He leaned his elbows on the table and rubbed his temples with his fingers. What the fuck was he going to do?

After a few minutes of self pity, Justin decided he needed to take matters into his own hands and do something more worthwhile than wallowing. He pulled out his cell phone and punched in the familiar numbers.

“Mom?” he said when a voice answered.

“Oh, Justin what happened? I’ve been so worried. Where are you?” Jennifer asked.

“Not worried enough to come out of the house to get me,” Justin said unable to keep his bitterness from pouring out.

“Justin, that’s not fair. You know what your father’s like when…”

“When he doesn’t get what he wants,” Justin said finishing the sentence for her.

“What didn’t he get? What do you mean?”

“I told him I’m gay, Mom, and … he threw me out. He said he has no son,” Justin managed to choke out as he fought back his tears. “He treated me like a piece of shit that he was trying to scrape off the bottom of his shoe. Once I said I was gay, it was like everything changed. I spent four years at Dartmouth doing what he wanted me to do … and then he kicks me out.”

“Justin, he was so upset. Give him time.”

“Time for what?” Justin demanded swiping a tear away. “There’ll never be enough time, not in a billion years, to fix the way he treated me last night. I didn’t even recognize him anymore. I couldn’t believe he was my father … and according to him he no longer is.”

“Justin, what can I do?”

“There’s nothing that you can do,” Justin said sadly. “Dad’s done it all.”

“Then … why did you even call?”

“Mom, I have … nothing. Can I come get some clothes … that is, if Dad’s not there?” Justin heard the hesitation, and for a minute he thought his mother was going to turn him away too.

“Okay, Justin, come over right now. Your father’s at his office.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” Justin said.

He quickly paid his bill at the diner and caught a cab to his former home.



*****



Brian was sketching up his ideas for the Liberty Air meeting. If he could make this work, he just might be able to snaffle Liberty Air from the Ryder Agency. Liberty Air was one of the few big companies that had stayed with Marty Ryder’s failing company, and now they were about ready to jump ship too.

Looking at the boards that Harry, his artist, had drawn up, based on the ideas that Brian had given him, Brian knew they weren’t good enough. They were good, but they wouldn’t blow the people from Liberty Air away. And that’s what Brian needed … to blow the execs away with his presentation.

Brian continued to stare at the boards. He had a meeting arranged with the Liberty Air people on Tuesday. That gave him three days to come up with something better. Brian rubbed his hand through his hair. He knew he couldn’t force these things. He had to let his creative ideas come of their own free will. They would come to him if he was patient.  Trouble was he didn't have a lot of time for patience.

Just then the phone rang. Brian was going to let it go to the answering service, but he also was looking for a distraction. That was often how he got some of his best ideas. He picked up the phone and said, “Kinney.”

“Brian, it’s Craig Taylor.”

Brian groaned inwardly. Craig Taylor wasn’t exactly his favorite distraction. “What can I do for you, Craig?” Brian asked using the first name that Craig kept telling him to use.

“I was going to leave a message asking you to bring me the proofs for the ads you designed for the new store opening.”

“I thought they were approved,” Brian said with a frown.

“I … I may have changed my mind.”

“About what?”

“I think I want the flyers to have the black print, not the purple.”

“Oh, may I ask why you changed your mind?”

“I … I’d like to see the two side by side, so I can make an informed decision,” Craig said. He knew he didn’t want the purple lettering. That idea had come from Justin and he wanted nothing from his faggot son, including faggot colored lettering on his ads.

“Would you like me to bring them over?” Brian asked. It might do him good to get out of Kinnetik for a while. A change of scenery might inspire a new idea. And maybe he would see Justin at Taylor Electronics. Then he could find out what had happened last night when they were supposed to have dinner. He could make it look completely natural that he happened to be at Taylor Electronics. After all, Craig Taylor had been the one to call him in order to see the ads.

“Could you? I’d like to make a decision and get them out right away. The new store is going to be ready soon.”

“I’ll be there in about half an hour,” Brian said.

“Great.” Craig cut the connection.

Things were looking up. Brian had a reason to get out of his office and he could find out why the fuck Justin hadn’t shown up at the restaurant. Brian loved killing two birds with one stone.



*****



“Mom,” Justin said as Jennifer opened the door to his once and nevermore home. He hesitated expecting her to pull him into a hug. That didn’t happen. He wasn’t even sure she was going to let him cross the threshold.

“Justin,” Jennifer said, as she finally stepped back enough to let him enter.

“Mom, I’m sorry about what happened with Dad, but I had to tell him. I couldn’t stand it any longer.” Justin’s voice pleaded for understanding.

“Why couldn’t you have just kept quiet? Things were going so well,” Jennifer whispered.

“I have to be who I am,” Justin replied. “I lived the life Dad wanted me to for four years at Dartmouth. I tried, Mom, I really did. But enough’s enough.”

“Justin, I think you better get your things and leave. I’m sure your father won’t be happy knowing that I let you in here.”

Justin shook his head. “You’re backing Dad, aren’t you? You’ve turned against me too.”

“I haven’t turned against you,” Jennifer said sadly. “I just know that I can’t contradict what your father says. Where would Molly and I be if I did that?”

“Probably out on the street like I am, Mom,” Justin said before he ran up the stairs to grab some clothes and get the fuck out of this house where he was no longer wanted.



*****



“Mr. Taylor,” Brian said tapping at Craig’s open office door. “I brought the ads.”

“Thanks, Brian. Come on in.”

Brian laid the two versions of the flyers on Craig’s desk and looked around the office. There was no sign of Justin. “I think they both look good, but it’s your choice,” Brian said.

“You’re right, it is,” Craig said curtly.

Brian frowned. He wasn’t sure what Craig’s tone of voice meant. “Shouldn’t Justin be here to look at these? It was his input that led to the idea of the purple type.”

“No. Justin should not be here. He no longer works at this office.”

“Oh, did he move to one of your other stores?”

“No, he is out of Taylor Electronics completely.”

“Oh?” Brian said in surprise. He didn’t know what to say to that, but it did make him wonder if that had anything to do with why Justin didn’t show up for dinner. This must have just happened.

“I want the black print,” Craig said definitively. He ignored Brian’s exclamation. “Print them in black.”

“Certainly,” Brian said standing up. He wanted to ask for Justin’s phone number so he could get in touch with the blond, but Craig Taylor didn’t seem to want to talk about his son. He seemed in rather a bad mood. “I’ll get these printed and sent to you,” Brian said, gathering up the two ads. He left the office without saying anything further.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 16





Justin awoke Monday morning with a feeling of dread. He knew he had to find some kind of work or he would be royally screwed. As bad as the motel was, living on the street would be even worse. If he didn’t start bringing in some money soon, that’s exactly where he was going to end up.

With a heavy heart Justin forced himself out of the lumpy bed. He headed to the bathroom, dreading the second thing he would have to do that day, and that was to call Brian Kinney and apologize.



*****



Brian was studying the Liberty Air boards. He and Harry had made a few changes to them, but they still weren’t right. They just weren’t good enough. Brian had spent the weekend waiting for inspiration to strike, but nothing had come. He was almost out of time.

“Mr. Kinney,” the receptionist’s voice came over the intercom.

“What the fuck is it? I asked not to be disturbed.” Brian was in no mood to be disobeyed. He glanced at his planner and noted that he had no meetings scheduled until after lunch.

“Um … there’s someone here to see you.”

“I don’t want to see anyone.”

“But…”

“You heard me!” Brian was about to turn off the intercom when he heard another voice.

“I shouldn’t have interrupted. Can I leave a message for him?”

Brian recognized the voice. It was Justin fucking Taylor. Brian got up from his chair and went to the office door. He saw Justin leaning on the reception counter writing a note.

“Why don’t you tell me in person?” Brian said with a smirk as he leaned against the jamb of his office doorway. He knew he was the perfect picture of nonchalance. At least that’s what he wanted Justin to think.

“I … I didn’t think you wanted to be interrupted,” Justin stammered. He had almost been relieved at being turned away. Then he could leave a note and be done with it. Now he would have to face Brian.

“Come in,” Brian ordered and disappeared into his office.

With a sigh Justin followed him. “I came by to apologize for not showing up for our dinner,” Justin said quickly, deciding that it was best to get this over with in a hurry.

“Nice of you to let me know,” Brian said sarcastically. He wasn’t in any mood to be forgiving. As if he ever was.

“I … I really intended to be there, but … something happened.”

Brian raised an eyebrow. “Something happened? Sounds a lot like the line I use all the time ‘Something came up.’”

Justin smiled and then giggled.

‘Shit! Why did he have to do that?’ Brian wondered. His coldness toward the blond melted away with that sound. There was an awkward silence.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Brian asked finally. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, especially if it was anything like what came up for him and caused him to be late or miss appointments. Knowing all that, Brian still wanted to hear why he had been stood up.

“I … I wasn’t going to say anything about what happened. I just wanted to apologize,” Justin said weakly. What had happened with his father was the last thing he wanted to talk about. It was all still too raw.

“I see,” Brian said enigmatically. “Would it have anything to do with you no longer working at Taylor Electronics?”

Justin flinched at Brian’s words. Brian could see that he had taken the blond by surprise. “How … how did you know?” Justin asked.

“I could tell you that I have spies everywhere,” Brian smirked, and then frowned as he realized how that sounded. “I saw your father on Saturday,” he said quickly.

“Oh, why? Do you usually work Saturdays?”

“Depends. I took the ads over to his office for final approval.”

“I thought they were approved,” Justin said with a questioning look.

“He made some last minute changes.”

Justin shook his head. “Out with the purple print, in with the black.” Brian nodded. “I guess he couldn’t wait to get rid of every trace of me.”

“Why would he want to do that?”

“I told him Friday that I’m gay, and he went ballistic.”

Brian opened his mouth to say, ‘I told you so.’ But he bit back the words. Justin didn’t need to hear that at the moment, and he always hated the ‘I told you so’s,’ whoever might be saying them. “You took the plunge?” Brian asked, hoping that sounded a little more compassionate than what he had been about to say.

“Yeah, I did it and now all I feel is … bitter,” Justin said, practically spitting out the word.

“It’s never fun being rejected by a parent.”

“I guess somewhere deep inside, I knew that’s what he would do, but I couldn’t stop myself from hoping…”

“Yeah, that hope’ll get ya every time.”

“On the way home in the car on Friday when I told my father I was gay…” Justin began. He wasn’t sure why he was telling Brian this, but he wanted to let it out. It was like a sore festering inside of him, and he needed to talk about it, even if just for a minute. “He pulled into the driveway, ordered me out of the car and told me he no longer had a son,” Justin continued, surprised that he could get all that out without breaking down. Somehow he felt stronger being able to express those events and not fall apart in the process. “I didn’t even get a chance to collect any of my things from the house. I just left in a taxi. I think I was in some sort of daze. In the middle of all that, I forgot about our date.”

“I can see why you might have forgotten,” Brian admitted. His anger and hurt that he had been feeling about Justin slipped away completely. The guy had been through a lot. “And I wish you wouldn’t call it a date. It was dinner,” Brian said trying to lighten the mood a little. And he did hate the idea of dating. That wasn’t what they were doing. He was trying to fuck Justin, that’s all.

“Have you got an aversion to dates?” Justin asked.

“One hundred percent.”

“Then why did you ask me out at all?”

“Fuck if I know. I’ve been trying to figure that out ever since I did.”

Justin laughed. He felt better than he had since Friday night. “Thanks for cheering me up,” he said. “I guess I should be going so that you can get back to work.” He looked at the boards laying on Brian’s desk. They were pretty good, but…

“I do have a lot to do by tomorrow,” Brian said.

“What’s tomorrow?”

“I have to do a presentation for Liberty Air, and all I have are these fucking boards. They’re just not right,” Brian said with a sigh.

“I like the slogan,” Justin said as he looked at them. “Liberty Air can take you there!”

“Yeah, rhyme is always good,” Brian snarked.

Justin continued to study the boards. He remembered what they had discussed in the lectures on advertising he had taken in his art courses at Dartmouth. Maybe that was what was bothering him about these ads…

“Is something the matter?” Brian asked slightly annoyed by Justin studying his work, and apparently judging it.

“Oh, I was remembering something I heard in one of my art classes. The prof said that if something doesn’t work, then we should look at it from a different perspective.”

“Which means…?

“I was thinking that you have the jet flying over various destinations that Liberty Air flies to. Isn’t that the way most airline ads are?”

“Yes, and they’re that way for a reason. It gets the point across.” Brian was feeling more and more annoyed. What did Justin Taylor know about advertising? He had, what, a couple of art courses at fucking Dartmouth? How did that give him the right to criticize Brian’s work?

“But if you changed the point of view…”

“How?” Brian asked as he studied the boards trying to figure out what Justin was getting at. Maybe Justin was onto something. Brian would use whatever help he could get at this point.

“Is Liberty Air interested in the comfort of their jets?”

“Yes, the last series of ads was about their added leg room.”

“Then show someone inside the jet…”

“Looking out the window at their destination…”

“All the major cities that Liberty Air flies to…”

“Business destinations…”

“And fun vacation ones too seen through the window.”

“By george, I think we’ve got something here.”

“I’d definitely say we do,” Justin laughed. “Now I should get out of your way.”

“Thanks. I appreciate the … help.”

“No problem. I better go.”

“Okay, I do have a lot to do, but can I have your number? I wanted to call you when you didn’t show up Friday, but I didn’t have your phone number. Maybe we can reschedule for another time.”

“Maybe,” Justin replied uncertainly.

“Here’s my card. My cell number’s at the bottom.”

Justin pocketed Brian’s card and wrote his cell phone number on the pad of paper that Brian handed him. “I’m not sure how long this will be good for,” Justin said as he handed the pad back to Brian.

“Oh, why’s that?”

Justin knew he couldn’t tell Brian about his circumstances. “I … may be getting a different phone,” he said, instead of the truth that he might not be able to afford a call phone much longer.

Brian looked at Justin. Something didn’t seem quite right. “Maybe I’ll give you a call when I get these revised,” Brian said gesturing to the boards. “You have a good eye.”

Justin smiled. “Thanks. Talk to you … later.”

And then he was gone. Brian picked up the boards and headed for the art department. He had a lot of work to do.



*****



Justin walked out of the alley that led to Kinnetik. He wondered what the Kinnetik building had been before Brian took it over for his advertising company. It didn’t look like much from the outside, but the interior was really interesting. Brian had fixed it up in a very non-conventional manner. It might have been a warehouse or some sort of… Justin frowned. He couldn’t decide what the building might have been, but it was certainly unique.

He turned onto Liberty Avenue and walked along the street. He thought he could probably catch a bus at the corner. He had resolved things with Brian … sort of. He wasn’t really sure how they’d left things, except that maybe he could expect another call from Brian soon. He wondered about Brian’s comments about dating. Justin had thought their Friday dinner was a date, but apparently Brian didn’t view it that way. Justin couldn’t help but wonder if all he was to Brian was fresh meat, a convenient and intriguing fuck. As much as Justin wanted to have sex with Brian, he wasn’t prepared to be treated like one of Brian’s tricks. He wouldn’t be a piece of ass that Brian had in the back room of Babylon, never to be heard from again. If that was all Brian wanted then fuck him.

Justin walked along Liberty thinking about what the future might hold for him. He knew that he still needed a job and a decent place to live. What the fuck was he going to do about that? He really had no idea of what he could do, or more precisely what he wanted to do.

His stomach rumbled as he crossed the street. He saw the sign for the Liberty Diner up ahead and decided that it might be a cheap place to get something to eat before going back to his dismal motel room.

As he approached the door he saw a sign in the window looking for help. He was a Dartmouth grad, but maybe he should apply for the job. Being a waiter wasn’t his dream for the future, but at least he would have some money coming in until he could figure out what that dream was.

He walked into the diner. He looked around at the same sex couples sitting in almost every booth. Was this homo heaven … or what? A guy got up from a table near the windows and walked past him. Justin knew he was being cruised. He couldn’t help the little smirk that crept across his face.

“Have a seat at the counter, honey,” a brash redhead told him as she hustled by with a tray laden with food.

Justin walked to the counter and took one of the two remaining unoccupied stools. He picked up a menu and glanced down the list of food.

“What’ll ya have?” the red haired woman asked him as she deposited a pile of dirty dishes in a plastic tub and pulled a pencil out from behind her ear.

Justin studied the “You say tomato, I say ‘Fuck you!’” T-shirt that she was wearing and the bobbing feathers on the end of her pencil.

“Look, I’m really busy, so if you want to order something, you better speak now ‘cause you may not get another chance,” the woman told him.

Justin read her name tag which said Debbie. “I’ll have a burger and a job.”

Debbie started to write his order and then realized what he had said. “You looking for a job?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you start right now?”

“Now?” Justin asked in surprise. “How do you know I’m any good?”

“I’m here all by myself. Everyone else has the flu. If you’re breathing, you’ve got the job.”

Justin laughed. “Are you serious?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely! There are aprons in the back … through there,” Debbie said pointing to the hallway that said restrooms. “If you can start right now, you’re hired.”

Justin looked around for a minute. He remembered clearing tables at the Plaza. This couldn’t be any harder than that. “Okay,” he said standing up and heading for the back room. He chuckled to himself when he thought about the back room he had been thinking about when he was walking away from Brian’s company. Not exactly the same thing.

The next two hours went by in a haze. Justin took orders, cleared tables, delivered food, made small talk with the customers, received five phone numbers stuffed into his jeans pocket and got his bottom pinched more times than he could count.

Finally when the diner was empty except for two tables, Debbie said to him, “Let’s take a break. You wanted a burger, right?”

“It’s so long ago, I don’t remember,” Justin said sliding wearily into the back booth.

Debbie placed an order at the window and then brought two cokes to the table. She sat across from him facing the door to the diner while his back was to it. “You did good, Sunshine,” she said with a sigh.

“Sunshine?”

“Yeah, that smile of yours really rakes in the tips.”

Justin grinned. “I thought it was my great ass, which has been pinched until I can hardly sit down.”

“The customers love you, especially the bubble butt.”

“Thanks, I think,” Justin chuckled. “I’m exhausted. How do you do it?”

“I’m used to it. You’ll find it gets easier as time goes on.”

“I … I’m not looking to do this permanently,” Justin started to explain. “I just need something to tide me over until I decide what I’m going to do with the rest of my life.”

“Don’t we all,” Debbie laughed as she got up to get their food. “Eat,” she said when she set the plates down on the table. “You earned it.”

“Thanks,” Justin said as he dug into his burger and fries. He had been hungry when he came into the restaurant and that was two hours ago. Debbie went to top up the coffees of the remaining customers in the diner.

When that was done, she sat down to eat her own food letting out a big sigh. “I’m really glad you came in when you did. I was just about snowed under. You really saved my bacon.” She took a bite of her sandwich.

“I was happy to help, and I really need a job.”

“You got one.”

“How many hours do you think I can work?”

“I can probably schedule you as much as you want. With people sick, there’s lots of spots to fill.”

“That sounds good. Now if I could only find a cheap place to live.”

“I have an empty room, if you’re interested,” Debbie offered.

Justin frowned. He wasn’t sure he wanted to have a room in someone’s house, but it couldn’t be worse than the horrible motel, and it might even be cheaper.

Before he left the diner that night, Justin had a job, a place to live and a pocketful of tips.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 17





“Hey, Sunshine,” Debbie called as Justin showed up for work.

Justin had checked out of the motel. He had all his belongings in the suitcase that he dragged behind him. It was the suitcase he had taken from his former home when his mother had let him pick up his belongings.

“You can store those in the back and then come home with me when we’re done work. I scheduled us both to be done at nine.”

“Thanks, Debbie. I’ll be right back.” Justin took his bags to the back and grabbed his apron. When he came out, Debbie was pouring coffee for someone at the counter. He recognized Mikey, Brian’s pesky friend.

“Justin, I’d like to introduce you to someone,” Debbie said.

“Yes?”

“This is my son, Michael,” she said proudly.

“You … you’re her son?”

“Yes,” Michael replied smugly. “What are you doing here?”

“Justin works here and he’s going to be staying in your old room for a while. I’ve rented it out to him,” Debbie explained.

“Your room?” Justin asked in horror.

“My room?” Michael asked in horror.

“That’s what I said,” Debbie stated, her hand on her hip. “Deal with it, both of you.” She hustled over to one of the tables to fill their coffee cups.

“I don’t want you in my room,” Michael said petulantly.

“I don’t care,” Justin shot back. “It’s my room now.”

Michael scowled and stood up to leave. “I’ll talk to you later, Ma,” he told Debbie as she bustled by.

“Okay, sweetheart.”

Justin made a face at Michael, as Michael made one back at him. Then Michael left the diner obviously in a huff.

The day passed uneventfully for Justin. There were lots of pinches and phone numbers and suggestive innuendoes, but Justin quickly learned the smart remarks that would make the customers laugh, put them in their place and cause them to be generous with their tips. He could hardly believe how much he had made in tips by the time Debbie was ready to leave for the day.

They walked along the street with Justin dragging his suitcase behind him. He was kind of quiet as he thought about the prospects of moving into Debbie’s home. He would have loved a place of his own … finally. But that didn’t seem to be in the cards in the foreseeable future.

“I take the bus sometimes,” Debbie was saying as he tuned back in, “but it’s not really very far. Just a couple more blocks.”

“I don’t mind the walk,” Justin replied.

“It’s good for our girlish figures.”

Justin chuckled. It was kind of neat to be around someone who accepted his sexuality so easily. He figured that must be because Michael was gay.

“What are you thinking about?” Debbie asked when she noticed that Justin seemed far away once again.

“I was just thinking how nice it is to not have to hide that I’m gay. You accept it so easily. My parents…”

“Not too thrilled with you?”

Justin shook his head. “My father says he no longer has a son, and my mother, well, she almost wasn’t going to let me back in the house to get my things.”

“But she did.”

“Yes, she did,” Justin sighed. “I just wish…”

“That they’d accept you and allow you to be part of the family again,” Debbie supplied.

“No, I’m through with them since they’re through with me,” Justin declared.

“No, you’re not. It’s not that easy to push our parents out of our lives. You’ll always want them to accept you, Justin. It’s human nature.”

“How come you’re so … loving with Michael. What did you do when he told you?”

Debbie chuckled. “He always says I told him he was gay. He said I knew it before he did.”

“How could that be?”

“Michael’s father is gay,” Debbie whispered, “but nobody knows much about that. My brother, Vic, was gay too. I knew about Michael … somehow. Maybe it just runs in the family.”

“Nobody in my family’s gay,” Justin said. “Maybe that’s why they can’t accept it that I am.”

“Oh, I bet there are some gay people in your family,” Debbie told him. “There are a lot more gays around than we’re aware of. Not all of them are brave enough to come out. And if they do, they’re often ostracized by their families. Nobody in the next generation knows they even existed.”

“Like me you mean,” Justin said sadly. He could see never being included in anything to do with his family for the rest of his life. Molly’s children, if she had any, would probably never know who he was. Justin refused to think about such things. Do you think I could have a gay uncle or cousin hiding somewhere?” Justin asked with a grin, deciding that he wanted to discuss something happier.

“It wouldn’t surprise me.”

“I doubt it,” Justin chuckled, “as much as I might like that possibility.”

Debbie raised an eyebrow. “It’s very possible,” she repeated. “And here we are.” She pointed to the house in front of them.

Justin looked up at the older house with the verandah and the bright red door. “Nice door,” he said.

“Emmett just painted it for me.”

“Emmett? The guy who used to work at Torso?”

“The very same. He lives here. Rents Vic’s old room.”

“Hey, Deb,” Emmett said as he came out the front door. “I’m off to Woody’s. Oh, what do we have here? Justin, is that you?”

“One and the same,” Justin laughed. “I’m moving in.”

“Well, fuck me!” Emmett exclaimed. “Welcome to Chez Debbie.”

“Thanks.”

“Want to come to Woody’s with me?” Emmett offered.

“Thanks, but not tonight. I need to get settled in here.”

“Sure, I’ll see you later.” Emmett sashayed off down the street.

“How do you know Emmett?’ Debbie asked as they entered the house.

“I’ve seen him at Torso and at Babylon,” Justin said deciding not to get into any more of an explanation than that.

“Hm,” Debbie said giving Justin a strange look. “Top of the stairs, first door on the right,” she added and Justin started up the stairs thankful that the woman didn’t question him any further.

Justin looked around the room. It was butt ugly. He walked over to the wallpaper for a better look. Who had stupid wallpaper like this? Mikey, that’s who! Justin chuckled to himself. And the curtains! He couldn’t believe it. But wallpaper aside, the room was warm and dry and clean. That was really all he needed. He could live here for now until he figured out what he was going to do for the rest of his life, or maybe just for tomorrow.

He sat down on the end of the bed and stared at the wallpaper. He knew he should unpack his clothes and set out some of his things, but he didn’t have the energy to do any of that. He suddenly felt very tired. He saw his suitcase sitting by the door where he had left it. He should go get it, but he couldn’t. He lay back on the bed and pulled the bedspread around himself. It wasn’t cold. In fact it was very warm outside, but he felt so cold inside. Closing his eyes, Justin let his mind wander to what a mess his life had become. He wanted to cry, but he was an adult now, and he was all alone. He would not cry.

That’s how Debbie found him some time later when she came up to bring him a set of towels. He was asleep wrapped in the bedspread. She looked at him sympathetically and then closed the door behind her. Better to let him sleep.



*****



Justin awoke with a start. He looked around the room trying to figure out where he was. The ugly wallpaper reminded him that he was at Debbie’s. He threw back the bedspread and noted that he still had all his clothes on. With a frown he got up, feeling the call of nature. He glanced at his watch noting that it was only a little after six in the morning. He had slept for over eight hours. He hadn’t realized that he was so tired.

He tentatively opened the door of his room. Nobody seemed to be around. He could see an open door down the hall and surmised that it must be the bathroom. He made his way there and relieved himself. He debated if he should get in the shower, but he didn’t want to wake everybody up.

He walked back to his room and sat on the edge of the bed. He grabbed his cell phone and remembered that he had shut it off at work. He had never turned it back on. He did so now and noted that he had two missed calls. He played the messages and heard Brian Kinney’s voice speaking.

“Hey, Justin, I wanted to tell you that I think I’ve captured the Liberty Air account thanks to your insightful comments about the boards you saw. I’d like to take you out for dinner to celebrate. Call me.”

Justin smiled to himself. Brian was happy and he wanted to share that with him. What could be better? The second message came on.

“Brian Kinney again. I thought you might join me at Babylon, but I guess you’re busy. Give me a call.”

Brian called twice, Justin thought to himself. He couldn’t stop the smile that curled the corners of his mouth.

Just then there was a tap on the door. It was Debbie.

“Morning, Sunshine,” she said cheerfully. “Just wanted to tell you to use the shower whenever you like. I left some towels here for you last night,” she added, pointing to the chair near the door. “You fell asleep before I got them to you.”

“Yeah, I guess I was exhausted. Being a waiter is hard work.”

Debbie smiled. “Tell me about it.”

“We’re scheduled to work at ten this morning, so come down for breakfast whenever you’re ready.”

“I will, and thanks again, Deb.”

Justin sat on the bed for a minute after Debbie left. He thought about where his life was at the moment. Maybe it wasn’t so bad for now. He could make this work, he decided. Feeling much better he headed for the shower.

He and Debbie had a nice breakfast. He began to realize he would never go hungry living in a house with Debbie. They talked about the diner and Justin’s hours. Justin asked her to schedule some time when he could be off during the day so that he could explore some possibilities of working in the art field. She said she would do that.

Justin asked about Emmett who had yet to make an appearance.

Debbie told him, “Emmett was out at Babylon till all hours. He’s self-employed with his party planning business, so he doesn’t get up until he feels like it.”

“Must be nice,” Justin chuckled. He would have liked to talk to Emmett and see if he was with Brian at Babylon. He wondered if Brian had mentioned him to his friends.

Before they left for work, Justin called Brian’s cell. He was surprised that Brian answered immediately. He had expected to get voicemail.

“Hey, I was all prepared to leave you a message,” Justin laughed.

“I’m listening.”

“I … got your two messages from yesterday.”

“Took you long enough.”

“I was working, and I fell asleep as soon as I got home.”

“Oh, I trust your beauty sleep was rejuvenating.”

Justin giggled. “Very.”

“So what did you think?”

“About what?”

“About having dinner with me to celebrate. If we went to dinner Friday, I should have the signed contracts in my hand.”

“Wow, that’s great. I think I could manage Friday night.” Justin realized he’d have to get Debbie to book him off work for that night.

“Good, I’ll pick you up at seven. What’s the address?”

“Um … I could meet you at the restaurant,” Justin suggested.

“I don’t think so! I fell for that once.” Justin giggled even though he knew Brian had not been pleased. “I remember only too well what happened the last time I agreed to that.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot.”

“Well, I haven’t.”

“Okay, I’m at 429 Hurley Avenue.”

“Pardon?”

Justin repeated the address. “Did you get it that time?” Justin asked assuming that Brian was writing it down.

“Is that your usual address?” Brian asked.

“Um … no, I just moved in here.”

“You did?” Brian asked.

Justin could hear a strange quality in Brian’s voice. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Brian said abruptly. “I’ll be there at seven and you better be ready.”

“Fine, I will be,” Justin said a little bewildered by the change in Brian’s tone.

“Good.” The line went dead.

“Charming,” Justin muttered. Who the hell did Brian Kinney think he was? Maybe he would not go on this date, Justin thought. Maybe he should be somewhere else on Friday night. Maybe he should forget all about Brian. And just who the fuck did he think he was kidding? Justin realized he had been trying to forget Brian for over four years. Maybe it was time to confront his fate with Brian once and for all. Yes, that is exactly what he would do. He would have his date, and if Brian wanted to fuck him, he would let him. And then he would know once and for all if Brian fucking Kinney was worth all the time he had spent thinking about him for so long.



*****



Friday evening rolled around and Justin was ready for his date. However, he didn’t want to seem too eager. He dressed in his best suit assuming that he would be going to a nice restaurant with Brian. Maybe they would try Pappagano’s again. A little smile creased the corners of Justin’s mouth as he thought about what he had planned for Mr. Brian Kinney … and himself for later in the evening. He was beginning to enjoy the idea of a night with Mr. Brian Kinney.

When it was almost seven, he made his way down the stairs of Debbie’s house. Debbie and Emmett were sitting on the sofa in the living room. Justin had carefully avoided telling either of them about this date, since Brian knew them both. He wondered if he could get out the door when Brian arrived, before they discovered who his date was. He doubted that, however, since he had never met two nosier people.

“My, my, my,” Emmett cooed, “someone looks positively scrumptious.”

Justin felt his cheeks redden and he mumbled, “Thanks.”

“So who is this fucking date of yours?” Debbie demanded.

“You have a date?” Emmett squealed. “Who is it? Spill.”

“I’d rather not say until I see how it goes,” Justin said quickly.

“We won’t tell anybody,” Emmett coaxed.

Just then there was a knock on the door.

“Bye,” Justin said, “gotta go.” He yanked the door open and was prepared to dash out, but Brian blocked his way.

“You’re prompt,” Brian snarked, but the grin on his face said that he was happy to see Justin.

“Brian!” Emmett cried as he leaned over the back of the sofa to see Justin’s date.

Debbie was right beside him. “Brian Kinney! What the fuck are you playing at?”

Justin cringed and wished that a hole would suddenly appear and swallow both him and his date.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 18





“Um … let’s go, Brian,” Justin said trying to encourage Brian to back up and let him out of the house.

“Seems like your landlady has something she wants to say to me,” Brian replied smugly.

“You’re fucking right I do,” Debbie screeched standing up and moving around the couch to confront Brian.

“I’ve heard it all before, Deb. I’m just picking up Justin then I won’t darken your doorway again.”

“Since when do you go on dates, asshole?” Debbie demanded.

“I do what I like, and I happen to like Justin,” Brian snarked. Justin smiled at Brian’s admission. Brian hadn’t wanted a scene for Justin’s sake, but he wasn’t going to back down from Debbie.

“Yeah, you’ve always done what you liked … and said what you liked,” Debbie countered, thinking about Brian had said about Vic. That had caused the rift between them.

Brian smiled slightly and nodded in agreement. He knew what she was thinking about. He wouldn’t take his words back because they were true, but those words had hurt her. She had hurt him as a result, but that was months ago.

“Why haven’t you come to see me in all this time?” Debbie asked.

“When you told me never to come here again, I took you at your word. I was merely following your wishes.”

“This from the person who says and does whatever he likes. Since when do you listen to me?” Debbie asked, her voice softening. “I’ve missed you, Kiddo.”

“I missed you too, Maw,” Brian said. Suddenly he found Debbie’s arms around him and the breath being crushed out of him.

“Oooh,” Emmett squealed in happiness. He clapped his hands. “It’s about fucking time.”

“You been okay?” Debbie whispered into Brian’s ear.

“I’m fine.”

“That’s good.”

Justin cleared his throat, when there seemed to be no end in sight for the hug. “Um … Brian, should we get going?”

“Yeah, yeah, we should,” Brian said although he seemed as reluctant to let go of Debbie as she was of him.

“You take good care of my Sunshine,” Debbie warned Brian.

“Sunshine?” Brian asked.

“Haven’t you noticed that fucking smile?” Debbie asked cupping Justin’s chin and causing one of the smiles of which she had just been speaking.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Brian responded. “Let’s go, Sunshine.”

Justin heard the front door of Debbie’s house close behind them. “Sorry about that, Brian. I didn’t know that…”

“It’s not your fault,” Brian replied. “I could have told you I wouldn’t pick you up here, but I didn’t want to have to explain. It’s a long, boring story.”

Justin glanced at Brian. Even though Brian had been called an asshole and told to get out and then hugged to within an inch of his life, Brian looked as cool and suave as he always did. Justin began to realize that Brian had mastered the nonchalant façade, and the snark that he used so well. It was a form of protection. He would have to remember that, he thought as he got into Brian’s Jeep.

“So, where are we going?”

“Pappagano’s.”

“I thought you might not want to go back there after what happened last time,” Justin said softly.

“That did occur to me, but I have a reputation to uphold. When I walk in with you on my arm, all rumors of my imminent demise will be laid to rest.”

Justin frowned. He wasn’t sure what any of that meant. “If you’re sure,” he said hoping that made sense.

Brian smiled. “I’m very sure, now let’s enjoy our evening.”

“I can’t believe we’re actually out on a date … and it’s going to happen,” Justin giggled.

That giggle would be the death of him, Brian thought. But there were many worse ways to die than with Justin Taylor in his bed. “Did you notice that I didn’t wince when you said the ‘D’ word?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m very proud of you,” Justin giggled again.

“I think you’ve said it to me so many times that the sting has worn off.”

“Or maybe you’re finally ready to have a date.”

Brian looked thoughtful for a moment before glancing over at the handsome young man who sat in his car. “You could be right.” Justin smiled, one of his full force best. “I can see where Debbie got the Sunshine moniker,” Brian chuckled.

“Did you call her maw?” Justin asked with a frown. “She’s not really your mother, is she?”

Brian shook his head. “I should have been so lucky. Debbie was far more of a mother to me than my own mother ever was.”

“Really?” Justin wondered what Brian’s actual mother must be like if Debbie was the better choice, although Debbie certainly was a kind and generous person in her own unique way.

“Here we are,” Brian said pulling up to Pappagano’s. They got out and Brian let the valet parking attendant take the car. He steered Justin inside basking in the admiring looks that they received from those dining at the restaurant.

The maitre d’ treated Brian like royalty and they had a lovely dinner with a couple of bottles of wine thrown in. Justin tried several times to get Brian to talk more about Debbie and his friends, and also his family. But it was soon very evident how adept Brian was at redirecting the conversation to be about Justin or to turn it to a topic he felt more comfortable with.

When they left the restaurant, Brian gave the valet his ticket and they stood at the curb waiting for the Jeep to be brought around.

“I had a lovely dinner, Brian,” Justin said with a smile. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“You’re welcome. And you earned it with your help with the Liberty Air ads. But I hope you don’t think the evening’s over yet.”

“I hope it isn’t,” Justin smiled. “What else did you have in mind?”

“I thought you might like to see those finished boards for the Liberty Air campaign that you helped me nab.”

“You got the account?” Justin asked with a wide smile.

Brian smirked and looked very self satisfied. “Signed, sealed and delivered. I told you this was a celebration dinner.”

“That’s great, so are we going to Kinnetik?” Justin asked.

“No, I have the boards at home. I thought we’d be more comfortable there and we can have a drink … if you’d like.”

“Oh? Okay, yeah, sure.”

“You don’t sound very sure.”

“It’s just that …I…”

“You think I’m going to attack you and rip your clothes off?” Brian asked tongue in cheek. That was exactly what he wanted to do.

Justin felt himself blushing. “Of course not,” Justin replied, although somewhere inside he was wishing that might be what would happen.

“Then let’s go.”

They climbed into the car and drove in silence to the loft building not far from Liberty Avenue. Brian parked the car and they used the elevator to arrive at the door of the loft. Brian unlocked the door and he walked inside. Brian took off his suit jacket and tossed it towards the sofa. Justin watched it fly through the air and land with precision on the back of the sofa. Justin chuckled and wondered how many times Brian had used that move to impress a guest. It still worked.

“Thirsty?” Brian asked pulling a bottle of water out of the fridge.

He opened it and looked up at Justin. Justin half expected Brian to pour the water over his head. He could just picture a dripping wet and naked Brian Kinney. Justin felt himself grow hard at the visual he was imagining. Brian merely took a long drink from the bottle.

“Maybe later,” Justin managed to say. “You have a … really nice place.”

“Thanks,” Brian said with that little crooked grin of his. “It serves its purpose.”

To impress and bring in tricks, Justin thought to himself. “Where are the boards for Liberty Air?” Justin asked feeling that that was a safe topic.

“The bedroom,” Brian replied nonchalantly as he took another drink from his bottle of water.

“The bedroom? How subtle,” Justin giggled.

Shit, Brian thought. When he does that I want to throw him on the floor and fuck him right through it. Brian cleared his throat. “They’re leaning against the dresser,” he said hoping his voice sounded normal.

“You could have left them leaning against the sofa,” Justin said, but he couldn’t stop himself from looking up the steps into the bedroom.

“That would have spoiled the esthetic of the living room,” Brian smirked. “And I wanted to impress my guest.”

“Well, you have,” Justin said evenly. “Are you going to bring the boards down?”

“Why don’t we go up there and look at them?” Brian suggested.

“I … I think the light’s better down here.”

“Fine,” Brian said as he walked up the steps and returned with the boards. He lined them up against the back of the sofa and they both stared at them for a couple of minutes.

“They’re perfect,” Justin whispered. “I don’t think they could be any better.”

Brian smiled. “I thought so too, but most important of all … the people from Liberty Air loved them.”

“I can see why they would,” Justin said.

“Would you like a drink now?” Brian asked. “I have beer or wine or something harder.”

Justin swallowed. Brian was encouraging him to stay. That was a good sign. “I think I could use a scotch,” Justin said.

Brian smiled. “I’ll join you.” He walked over to the bar cart and poured them each a glass with a couple of fingers of scotch in it. “Cheers,” he said as he downed most of what was in his glass.

Justin took a sip of his. His stomach was flipping around rather erratically and he wasn’t sure how the scotch would stay down. He felt the burn as it slid down his throat and into his stomach. The warmth flowed through his body, and maybe it was that which gave him the courage. He tossed back the rest of his drink. With an easy grace that belied his trembling fingers he took off his suit jacket and tossed it in the direction of Brian’s.

“Let’s fuck,” he said boldly, or as boldly as he could muster when his insides were in such turmoil.

Brian gulped and choked on his last bit of scotch. With a cough to clear his throat and help him regain his sense of balance, he stared at Justin and smoothly said, “I thought you’d never ask.”

Advancing on each other like predatory animals, their bodies collided near the sofa. Before either of them could breathe or think … or pause, they were glued together. Tongues were down throats and lips burned from the savage force with which they met. Groins bucked against each other and hands and arms pressed with all the strength they had. No parts of their bodies could have any space between them. The need was such that they were plastered to each other with a magnetic force that threatened to rip them both apart if they didn’t get what they needed … and what they needed was each other.

Suddenly they gasped as they broke free of their kiss. Clothes were yanked at, and shoved up or down, and ripped off, and discarded everywhere. Hair was pulled and backs arched as they came together once again, this time in all their naked glory.

The floor was littered with the remnants of their wardrobes, as Brian turned Justin around and lips still locked together, started walking him backwards towards the steps that led to the bedroom. And the bed was what he needed. At the bottom of the steps, Brian lifted his lips from Justin’s long enough to gasp, “Stairs.”

Justin raised his foot and Brian propelled him up and back with the force of his next kiss. Justin hoped he remembered correctly that there were two steps or he would be flat on his ass with Brian on top of him. But that would be okay too. Justin tried to giggle but found that no sound escaped because he was so tightly impaled against Brian with every exposed cell of his body.

Brian continued to negotiate Justin toward the bed. They kissed and moaned and grabbed frantically at each other. Justin felt the back of his leg hit the edge of the bed and then he was falling. And Brian was falling too, refusing to break the kiss that was still consuming them both.

They landed with a thud on the bed knocking the air out of both of them. Brian raised up slightly and rubbed his swollen and aching cock along Justin’s groin. He heard Justin whisper his name, as he released the swollen and reddened lips.

“Now!” Brian commanded.

“Yes,” Justin gasped. “I want you.” Brian reached for a condom. He was about to apply it to his cock when Justin tapped his arm. “I’ve never done this before,” Justin whispered, “so go slow.”

Brian nodded and willed himself to slow down. “Roll over,” he commanded.

“Huh?”

“Roll over.”

Justin turned onto his stomach. He wanted to look at Brian while they fucked, but he wasn’t about to argue. He felt Brian nip at his shoulders and the soft area where his neck and shoulders met. He groaned as he felt Brian slide down his body. And then a tongue laid a trail of wet licks and kisses down his spine … and then further down to the crack of his ass. Justin gasped as the tongue slid into the crack and across his pucker. It was all he could do not to scream at the sensation. His fingers grabbed at the sheets and held on. Something had to keep him from flying into a million pieces.

And then he almost did as he felt Brian’s tongue probe at his pucker and breach the first ring of muscle.

“Oh my fucking God!” Justin cried.

“I’m just getting started,” Brian said trying to sound reassuring. “Stay with me.”

Justin nodded and gave himself over to the tongue that probed deeper and deeper into his ass. Brian worked the pucker open as much as he could with his tongue.

“Stop, Brian, stop, or I’m going to come. I can’t stand it,” Justin begged.

“Yes, you can. Stay still.”

Justin whimpered and buried his face into the bed clothes. He heard Brian doing something and then felt the coolness of a well lubed finger being inserted.

“Oh fuck, Brian. I have to come,” Justin pleaded.

“Roll over,” Brian ordered.

Justin turned and begged with his eyes for Brian to touch him and let him come. Brian shook his head.

“We’re going to do this together, Justin. Relax for a minute. Take a deep breath.”

Justin sucked in some air and then he had to ask. “Is it going to hurt?’

Brian nodded. “There’s always pain before the pleasure, but I’ll take it slow and easy.”

“Okay,” Justin whispered. He felt like he was back under some semblance of control.

He watched Brian slide the condom onto his dick. Brian squirted lube into his hand and smoothed it along his length. He took the tube and injected some lube into Justin’s ass.

“It’s cold,” Justin gasped.

“It’ll heat up,” Brian said gently. “Ready.”

Justin nodded as Brian hoisted his legs onto his shoulders. He positioned his cock at Justin’s hole and pressed forward. Justin grimaced as the organ penetrated his body. It hurt like fuck and he gasped in pain. Brian stopped and waited until Justin’s face relaxed. The blue eyes that had scrunched up in pain opened wide after a minute. They stared into Brian’s eyes. Brian vowed to make this a memorable night for his blond virgin.

“Okay?” Brian asked. Justin nodded. “It gets better,” Brian promised. He leaned in for another scorching kiss as he pressed a little further into Justin’s body. “Almost there,” he whispered against Justin’s neck.

Brian straightened a little and repositioned Justin’s legs on his shoulders. With a final thrust he was fully inside. Justin’s eyes were wide with wonder. Brian stayed still as he looked into the blue eyes. After a moment Justin smiled slightly. He had never done or felt anything quite like this. The feeling of being filled and complete was amazing. He wanted the rest of it.

“Please, Brian,” he begged.

Brian smiled and leaned down for another kiss. He could almost feel Justin’s toes curling over his shoulders. He pulled back when the kiss ended and then plunged forward. The satisfying smack as their bodies came together caught them both by surprise. They smiled at each other as Brian began to pump in and out. The look of wonder and enjoyment grew on Justin’s face as Brian made sure each stroke hit its mark. Justin began to clutch at Brian’s arms as the sensory and physical assault on his body and senses continued.

“Brian, oh fuck! Yes, right there,” Justin moaned.

Brian continued his thrusts enjoying the happiness he could now see on Justin’s face. It made him feel happy too. Usually he just felt lust and then the ultimate satisfaction of his orgasm, but this time something was different. Something about that sunshine smile made him feel happy too.

He grasped Justin’s cock and then tugged on it in time with his strokes. He felt his orgasm building until Justin cried out and was coming in his hand. Justin’s ass clenched around his cock. “I love you, Sunshine,” Brian gasped as he shot his load using every remaining ounce of strength he still possessed.

“Brian,” Justin groaned as the man collapsed on top of him.

“Justin,” Brian replied trying to hold onto the one bit of the world that he still had in his hand. Otherwise he was about to slide off and fall into God knows what.

“I’ve got you,” Justin whispered, feeling Brian’s softening dick slide out of him. “I’m here and I’ve got you. I love you too.”

He felt Brian stiffen in his arms.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 19



“What’s wrong?” Justin asked feeling the change in Brian’s body. He ran his hand along the sweaty back that lay atop him.

Brian pushed up on his elbows and rolled to the side onto his back. He looked over at Justin. “What did you just say?”

“I said I love you too,” Justin repeated with a frown. He didn’t understand what was wrong with Brian. Everything had been fine, better than fine, a minute ago.

“Too?” Brian asked.

“Yes.”

“What do you mean TOO?”

“You said you loved me and I said I loved you too,” Justin repeated his words again.

“I never said that,” Brian stated flatly.

“Yes you did.”

Brian glared at Justin. Could he really have said that … in the heat of passion? Because there had been lots of heat, and lots of passion. But he wouldn’t have said that, would he?

“You did say it, Brian, and I responded in kind,” Justin said gently. He wanted the love part to be true. He did love this man, or so he had thought, had for years if he was truthful with himself, and now that they had said it, he refused to let Brian deny it.

“I…” Brian began, but he didn’t know how to continue. What could he say? He didn’t believe in love, didn’t understand it, had no use for it … or maybe he did. He locked eyes with Justin and saw the hurt in the blue eyes looking back at him. “I don’t think we know each other well enough for declarations of love.” He saw Justin wince.

“Maybe you don’t know me, but I know you.” Justin’s voice was full of confidence. He hadn’t spent a lot of time with Brian, but he thought he understood the man. He put up a good show of not caring, but then you only had to see that moment with Debbie to know there was a lot more to Brian than what appeared on the surface. And of course, the surface was pretty damn fine too.

“How? How can you know me? We’ve only met a few times.”

“I have very good instincts about people,” Justin said.

“So do I … usually.”

“And what do those instincts tell you about me?”

“That you talk way too much.”

Justin giggled and Brian felt his cock stir. “I think you talk way too little so we’re even.”

“Wanna fuck again?” Brian asked with his usual smirk.

“Sure.”

And they were off to the races once again. This time things went faster as Justin was still open and ready to receive Brian. It didn’t hurt, hardly at all, and the pleasure was mind blowing. When they finally fell apart, sated, covered in sweat and cum, and totally exhausted, Brian grabbed the edge of the sheet and rolled onto his back, pulling it and Justin over against him and half on top of him. They were practically rolled into a ball together, but neither cared as they dozed off in each other’s arms, exhausted by what they had just done.

When Justin awoke some time later, he felt himself trapped against Brian and tangled in the sheets. He struggled a bit. But that got him nowhere except closer to Brian. He decided he might as well enjoy that sensation. He was able to turn a bit so he could lay his head on Brian’s chest. His ear was against the steady thudding of Brian’s heart. It sounded calm and reliable and warm and wonderful. Justin smiled to himself.

“You’re drooling on me,” Brian said, laughter in his voice.

“I am not,” Justin protested.

“I felt it.”

“Did not.”

“I think we could use a shower. We stink,” Brian said deciding there was no point in arguing with this obstreperous blond.

“I could go for a shower, but I’m so tangled up that I can’t move.”

“Hm, just the way you should be.” Brian leaned his head forward and initiated a kiss that Justin was quick to respond to. Cocks started to harden under the sheets as the kiss continued.

“Jesus, Brian, I can’t believe the way you make me feel.”

Brian smiled and then looked thoughtful. “I can’t believe what you do to me either. I never ask anyone to stay, and I certainly never want to shower with them.”

Justin’s smile radiated across the loft. “See, I’m special,” Justin giggled.

“Yes, you are,” Brian admitted as he started to unravel them from the tangle of sheets. “Come with me, Master Taylor. I’ll initiate you into the joys of shower sex.”

“I can hardly wait,” Justin laughed as Brian pulled him across the bed. He ran into the bathroom feeling so light and free and happy that he wasn’t sure his feet touched the floor.

Brian was right behind him watching that fabulous ass bounce ahead of him. However, he couldn’t explain the warm feelings that seemed to be radiating through him, and they had nothing to do with sex. But the sex was good too, no, make that great. Brian turned on the shower and drew his blond companion into the tiled enclave. The warm water sprayed over them, as Brian leaned down and kissed Justin passionately. He picked up a bar of soap and started to lather Justin’s chest. The blue eyes sparkled with amusement before turning dark with lust as Brian’s hand moved lower.

“I think I’m going to like shower sex,” Justin gasped as he felt Brian’s soapy hand enclose his length.

“I know you’re going to like it,” Brian replied with that smirk.

He then proceeded to show Justin how satisfying an orgasm on rather slippery tile could be.

When they emerged from the bathroom some time later, Justin was giggling and Brian was trying to tickle him. Justin managed to squiggle away from his tormentor. He turned and looked across the bedroom. He stopped dead in his tracks.

“What?” Brian asked as he came to an abrupt halt by crashing into the back of a rigid Justin Taylor, and not rigid in a good way. “What’s wrong?” Brian asked when he got no answer.

“Where … where did you get that?” Justin asked pointing across the bed.

“What? What the fuck are you talking about?” Brian asked in bewilderment. He couldn’t figure out what Justin could be referring to, what had him so concerned?

“That sketch! Where did you get that sketch?”

“I don’t know,” Brian lied. He remembered using almost his last hundred dollars to buy it at the GLC art show.

“You … you bought it,” Justin gasped in wonderment.

“Yes, I bought it,” Brian said with a frown. “So what?”

“It’s mine!”

“Yours? I paid for the fucking thing,” Brian corrected his guest.

“No, no, I don’t mean that I own it. I mean that I drew it.”

“What?”

“I drew that sketch. I submitted it to the GLC art show. It was the first thing I ever sold as an artist,” Justin gasped. “And you bought it!”

“Yes, I bought it,” Brian said slowly. He couldn’t figure out why that revelation made him feel so unsettled. Somehow he had picked the work of Justin Taylor out of everything else at that art show. And now the artist was standing here in his bedroom, and he had just fucked him. What the hell did that mean?

“Do you know what it is?” Justin asked finally dragging his eyes away from the sketch. He looked into Brian’s eyes, the ones depicted so accurately in the picture.

“It’s a pair of eyes,” Brian smirked.

“But do you know whose eyes they are?”

Brian frowned. “No, should I? They don’t look like yours.”

“They’re not mine, you idiot, they’re yours,” Justin laughed.

“What? How the fuck can they be mine?” Brian asked in bewilderment.

Justin started to laugh and he kept laughing, as the absurdity of this discovery became crazier and crazier the more he thought about it. He laughed and laughed until he collapsed onto the bed in a paroxysm of hilarity. Brian had bought a sketch of his own eyes without realizing what they were. He had bought a sketch of Justin’s without remembering the man or rather the boy who had drawn it. Brian had been at the art show at the GLC where Justin had waited for so long for him to arrive. And then Justin had left, having given up any hope that his Brian was going to attend the event.

When Justin finally got a little control of himself, he looked up to see Brian standing in front of the sketch staring at the eyes. “What are you doing?” Justin asked as he tried to catch his breath and not succumb to the hiccups. Laughter sometimes caused him to have that annoying reaction, and he did not want the hiccups now.

“I always found these eyes fascinating,” Brian said thoughtfully. “I’ve talked to them thousands of times since I bought this sketch,” he admitted, half talking to himself.

“You did?”

“I thought they looked familiar, but that the eyes might be my own never crossed my mind.”

“Can you see it now?” Justin asked watching Brian in fascination.

“Yeah, I can.”

“You have beautiful eyes,” Justin said softly.

Brian turned to look at Justin who was lying on his bed a towel wrapped around his hips. “I think this revelation calls for another fuck,” Brian smirked.

“My sentiments exactly,” Justin giggled before Brian pounced on him.



*****



Brian blinked his eyes and realized that there was daylight streaming through the curtains of the loft. He glanced at the alarm clock beside the bed. It was almost nine o’clock in the morning. He rubbed his eyes and then dropped his arm to the side. It came into contact with something soft and warm. Brian turned his head and saw a sleeping Justin Taylor lying beside him.

Brian’s cock responded immediately, as his brain remembered all the things they had done the night before. Brian had rarely found a partner more insatiable than he was, but Justin Taylor had actually worn him out. Brian reached below the sheet and rubbed his hard dick. It was still tender from the workout it had received from Justin’s ass. Brian smiled as he thought about the beautiful bottom of the man beside him. There had never been another ass quite like that one.

“What are you smiling at?” Justin asked making Brian start. Brian immediately brought his hand out from under the sheet.

“I can take care of that for you,” Justin said rolling towards Brian and sliding his hand under the sheet.

“Uh,” Brian gasped as Justin’s hand closed around him. “Be careful. I’m watching.” Brian cocked his head towards the sketch that still stood atop the dresser.

Justin giggled and Brian felt himself grow harder. “I could turn it so it’s facing the other way … if you’re shy,” Justin teased.

“You think I’m shy after what we did last night?”

“You remember last night?” Justin asked with a grin.

“Yes, don’t you?”

“It’s all kind of a blur of ripped clothing and sizzling kisses and fucking almighty orgasms.”

“Sounds like you remember it pretty well,” Brian chuckled. “I have a very similar memory.”

“That’s good,” Justin said as he continued to stroke Brian’s cock.

“Do you think you have another almighty orgasm in you?” Brian asked his tongue in his cheek.

“Oh yeah! You?”

“Halfway there already,” Brian bragged.

“Then I better stop until I catch up to you.” Justin’s hand released Brian’s cock.

“Oh no you don’t!” Brian replied. He rolled over pinning Justin beneath him. He began rutting against the man, feeling the delicious friction his movements caused on their swelling cocks. “I’m ready if you are,” Brian whispered nipping at Justin’s neck and ear.

“My ass is too sore to care. Go for it,” Justin said with a gasp as Brian rubbed hard against him.

“I intend to fuck you so hard that you won’t be able to walk until midway through next week.”

“You think you can do that?” Justin challenged.

“Or I’ll die trying.”

“As I said a minute ago, go for it.”

Brian shoved himself further down Justin’s body. His lips latched onto one of Justin’s nipples. He sucked and pulled at it until Justin whimpered and grabbed at Brian’s back. He gave the brown bud a sharp nip before switching over to the other one. By the time he had finished working on it, Justin was very hard and breathing heavily. Brian propped himself up on his elbows and looked into the blue eyes.

“What?” Justin gasped. “Why are you stopping?”

“Just enjoying the view.”

Justin giggled. “You’re nuts.”

“Yeah, I probably am.”

“I meant that you’re nuts in only the best way.”

“There’s a good way to be nuts?”

“Sure, you’re doing a great job of it,” Justin grinned.

With a deft and obviously practiced skill, Brian flipped Justin onto his stomach and leaned over him. “This nut is going to fuck your ass off.”

“I can hardly wait,” Justin gasped as he felt Brian’s finger probe his still raw ass.

“You don’t back down, do you?”

“Not so’s you’d notice,” Justin replied boldly, as he heard Brian rip a condom packet open.

“This is the last time for now. You need to take care of that ass. We don’t want to destroy it on our first night together,” Brian said.

“You mean there will be other nights?” Justin couldn’t help asking.

“Many!” Brian drove in shoving all air from Justin’s body and any further discussion right out of his mind.

Brian grasped Justin around the waist and hoisted him higher. He plastered himself along Justin’s back as he drove further into the body beneath him. He wanted to be consumed by Justin’s ass. If he could only go deep enough and hard enough, who knew what he might find? He had already discovered that he felt things with Justin Taylor that he had never experienced before. He couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever experience them again … with someone else. His body fit perfectly along Justin’s back. His rhythm was matched exactly by Justin’s forward and back movements. Everything was … just as it should be.

As he pumped into Justin, a disturbing thought ran through Brian’s mind. He didn’t want to experience these things with anyone else. He wasn’t sure that would ever be possible, and even if it was, he didn’t think he would want it. He had exactly what he wanted right beneath him.

“Fuck!” Brian gasped as that thought hit him.

“Oh yeah,” Justin moaned as Brian continued his onslaught. “Yes! Right there.”

Brian felt Justin pushing back, meeting Brian’s forceful thrusts with opposing ones of his own. Justin’s hole closed around his cock, so tight and so sweet. Brian moaned as he felt himself ready to shoot.

“Fuck, Justin.”

“Yeah, fuck and double fuck,” Justin cried as he shot all over the bed. He clamped down on Brian’s cock and felt his lover fall over the edge with him. They collapsed together on the bed lost to all conscious thought, eyes closed, with stars spinning out of control through their heads.

After a few minutes, Brian shifted and rolled off the smaller man. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m good, very good,” Justin yawned.

“Let’s rest for a bit,” Brian suggested pulling the sheets over them once again.

“’Kay,” Justin agreed as he dozed off thinking that he never wanted this day to end.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 20





The next time Justin awoke, he was alone in the bed. He sat up looking through the spaces between the glass panels to see if he could see Brian anywhere. There was no sign of anyone.

“Brian,” Justin called. There was no answer.

Justin frowned and swung his legs out of the bed. He glanced at his sketch of Brian’s eyes before heading to the bathroom. He couldn’t stop smiling as he took a pee and then stepped into the shower to rinse off once again. He couldn’t believe that it was Brian who had bought his sketch. Justin lathered himself and pried the dried cum off his chest. He fingered his ass which was indeed rather raw and sore, but he wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.

Stepping out of the shower, Justin dried off and pulled on his underwear. He wished he had some clean ones to wear, but he didn’t want to start snooping through Brian’s drawers and closets to find something else that he could put on. He walked down the steps from the bedroom looking around the loft as he did so. His stomach rumbled, so he headed for the glamorous state of the art kitchen. He pulled open the fridge door and had to chuckle. It was practically empty. Obviously, Brian didn’t use his fabulous kitchen for cooking.

There was a container of some kind of juice and he lifted it out, smelling the opening to make sure it wasn’t bad. It seemed all right, so Justin poured himself a glass. It tasted kind of strange, not like any of the juices he was familiar with. He read the container which told him it was guava juice. He’d never tasted that before, but it wasn’t bad.

He looked around the loft. It really was an impressive area. He could hardly imagine living there. There was very little in the way of personal items anywhere in the spacious loft. Justin frowned at that realization. He finished his glass of juice and turned to set the glass on the counter. The clock on the stove told him it was almost noon.

“Shit!” he reacted.

He hustled across the loft to the computer desk. Brian’s cordless sat in its base. He picked it up and punched in Debbie’s home number.

“Please, be there,” Justin prayed.

“Hello.”

“Debbie, it’s Justin. Can you get someone to cover my shift today?” he asked.

“Where the fuck are you?” she demanded. “Did that goddam Brian Kinney abandon you somewhere? I can come and get you.”

“No, no, Deb, it’s nothing like that. Can you cover the shift for me?”

“I guess so, but tell me where you are.”

“Thanks, Deb.” Justin hung up before Debbie could ask him any more questions.

He knew he was scheduled for a shift at noon the following day as well. He’d have to make sure he was home in time for that. Brian would probably kick him out later today anyway. Where the hell was Brian? Justin frowned and looked around. He wasn’t sure what he should do. Wandering around the loft in his underwear didn’t seem like a very good plan, but he didn’t want to put his suit back on … at least not yet.

He walked around the desk and sat down in the chair. He was tempted to start up the computer, but thought that might be a bit presumptuous. He looked at the items lying on the desk, and then his heart skipped a beat. He reached out and picked up the piece of paper he had spotted.

It was a check made out to him in the amount of five hundred dollars. He stared at it for a minute wondering what it meant. In the bottom left was written, “Services Rendered.” What the fuck did that mean? Justin stared at the check trying to grasp its intent. And then it hit him. “Fuck!” he gasped in disbelief.

At that moment the door to the loft slid back and Brian entered carrying a paper bag and two containers of coffee. “I see you finally woke up.”

“What the fuck is this?” Justin demanded waving the check under Brian’s nose.

“Snooping I see,” Brian smirked.

“Tell me what the fuck this means.”

Brian frowned. Justin appeared to be really angry. “It’s a check,” Brian said. “You know, as in money, made out to you. It was a surprise for later.”

“Surprise? You have some fucking nerve.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Brian demanded.

“You think you can fucking buy me?” Justin practically screamed at Brian. “Well, if you could, it would cost you a fucking lot more than what this check is made out for. I … I can’t believe you could be so crass.”

“I have crass down to a fine science,” Brian retorted feeling anger build at Justin’s reaction to what was meant to be a nice gesture. “Just ask any of my friends.”

“Oh, I get it now,” Justin yelled. “That’s why Debbie called you an asshole. I see how right she was.”

“What the fuck does Debbie have to do with this, and why are you so angry?”

Justin grabbed his suit pants that were still lying in a heap on the floor. He tried to get his leg into them, but they were all twisted and turned inside out. He couldn’t do more than jab his toes at the hole and hop around on one foot.

“Here, let me help,” Brian said setting down the coffee and paper bag on the counter and trying to grab Justin’s arm to steady him.

“Leave me the fuck alone,” Justin yelled as he finally managed to get one leg into the pants. “You think you can buy me. You don’t fucking know shit!”

“Buy you? I’m not trying to buy you,” Brian protested finding it hard not to laugh at Justin’s futile attempts to get his pants on.

“Fucking asshole! Like you think you can buy me for five hundred fucking bucks! Stupid shithead!”

“Okay, I’ll double the price,” Brian said.

“Fuck you! I’m not for sale!”

“You keep saying that,” Brian said in exasperation. “Will you please tell me what the fuck has set you off?”

“You leave a check for ‘Services Rendered’ after the night we spent together. Well I’m not a whore, Brian. I didn’t do any of that for payment. I may have no money at the mo…”

“Shut up!” Brian ordered grabbing Justin and pulling him against his body. He held on tight until Justin stopped struggling. That was when he heard the sob that escaped Justin’s body. “Justin,” he said gently.

“How could you think that I would do that for money?” Justin hiccupped.

“I didn’t. That check was for your consultation on the Liberty Air ads. I thought it would be a pleasant surprise. I didn’t know you would think…”

“Is that true?” Justin asked, watery blue eyes looking up at Brian.

“Cross my heart,” Brian said softly.

“Truth?”

“Absolutely.”

“Shit!”

“That’s a lovely apology, Sunshine,” Brian chuckled.

“Shut up! I really thought you were…”

“A fucking asshole! And I am, but not that big an asshole.”

“You’re not an asshole at all. It’s just that I…”

“You don’t need to explain,” Brian said releasing his hold a little bit. He liked the feel of Justin Taylor against his chest, but since he wasn’t struggling anymore, Brian thought it might be prudent not to hold him quite so tightly.

“It’s okay,” Justin whispered. “I like having you hold me.”

“You do?”

Justin nodded against Brian’s shoulder to which the man had pressed him forcefully once again. “I’m sorry that I thought…”

“Sorry’s bullshit!”

“No, it’s not. I jumped to the wrong conclusion and I’m sorry I did.”

“Okay. I guess I’m sorry that I left the check out where you might take that mistaken leap.”

“What a lovely apology on your part too,” Justin chuckled against Brian’s chest.

“I told you that I don’t believe in apologies.”

“Okay, I got the message.”

“You all right now?”

Justin nodded against Brian’s chest. “Yes,” he whispered. “I feel foolish.”

“You looked pretty foolish hopping around on one foot trying to get your pants on,” Brian chuckled.

“Asshole!”

“See, I told you everyone was right about me being an asshole.”

“What did you bring in the paper bag?” Justin asked out of the blue.

“Breakfast.”

“Yum, I’m starved.”

“Thought you might be.”

“If you let me go now, I could eat whatever’s in the bag,” Justin suggested.

“What if I don’t want to let you go?”

“Then I’ll stay,” Justin replied without a second’s hesitation.

“I might take you up on that … later, but I do think you need some sustenance.” He gently pulled his arms away allowing Justin to stand on his own, his pants still around his ankles.

“Have you got something I could put on?” Justin asked feeling foolish standing there in his underwear. He kicked his pants off.

“Yeah, go get your bagel,” Brian directed as he disappeared up the steps to the bedroom.

Justin ripped the bag open and split the bagel. “Yum,” he called as he bit into the bagel slathered with cream cheese. “This is great.”

“I thought you’d like it,” Brian said tossing Justin a pair of sweat pants.

Justin slid carefully off the stool at the counter and pulled the sweats on. “Thanks,” he said before climbing back onto the stool and digging into the bagel again.

“I brought black coffee because I didn’t know what you took in it.”

“Black’s fine,” Justin said taking the lid off his. He watched in fascination as Brian did the same and then dumped half the sugar bowl into the dark liquid in his cup.

“What?” Brian asked as he realized he was being stared at.

“How do you eat all that sugar and look like you do?”

“I only have sugar in coffee.”

“Oh, well then, that explains it,” Justin giggled.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Brian said keeping his face serious.

“Do what?” Justin asked.

“Giggle.”

“You don’t like people who giggle,” Justin said wondering if he had been really irritating Brian all this time.

“Usually no, but when you do it, I want to throw you on the floor and fuck you into next week.”

“I’ll have to remember that,” Justin said with another giggle.

“Stop or you won’t get a chance to finish that bagel.”

“I won’t giggle until I’ve finished my bagel,” Justin promised raising his right hand and grinning.

“How’s your ass?”

“Sore, but I can stand it.”

“I noticed you were sitting on that stool. I’m surprised that you could sit down after the workout I gave you last night.”

“I’m young and resilient,” Justin laughed. “I can take it.”

Brian raised an eyebrow. He had no doubts that Justin could go again at the drop of a hat. “How’s the bagel?” he asked.

“Yummy, want some?” Justin held out part of his bagel for Brian to take a bite.

“No thanks,” Brian said.

“There’s another one in the bag if you don’t want to share mine.”

“I don’t want any. They’re both for you.”

“Thanks,” Justin said unabashedly. “I love bagels.”

“I can tell,” Brian chuckled. “Would you like to sit on the sofa? It might be more comfortable on that ass of yours.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Justin said, gingerly sliding down from the stool. He carried the bag with the other bagel over to the sofa. Brian brought the two coffees. They sat down. Brian took a sip of his coffee and studied Justin. Justin continued to inhale his bagel.

“Should I have got three of those things?” Brian asked tongue in cheek.

Justin licked his fingers as he finished the second bagel. He took a sip of his coffee. “Thanks for getting two. I was really hungry.”

“No shit,” Brian snorted.

“Hey, don’t make fun of me,” Justin giggled good-naturedly.

Brian closed his eyes and willed his cock to behave. He thought maybe they needed a little break from all the sex. And then he opened his eyes and looked at Justin.

The lush red lips curled in a smile, as Brian’s eyes fell on him. “I’m good to go if you want to,” Justin suggested.

Brian groaned. “Come on.”

The next thing Brian knew they were back in bed and he was inside Justin yet again. Brian knew he had never experienced anything like what he was doing with this man. Justin made him laugh and made him … feel. Justin made him crave him again and again. Justin brought him orgasms that rivaled and then surpassed anything he had ever felt before. Justin Taylor was addictive, Brian decided, as he plowed that fabulous ass one more time.

With a final grunt he shot his load for what … the hundredth time in less than twenty-four hours. He had lost track of how many times they had fucked.

“God, Brian, that was a good one,” Justin gasped as he felt Brian’s dick slide out of him.

“They’re all good,” Brian replied trying to get his breath.

“Are these as good as you’ve had with other guys?” Justin asked innocently.

Brian blinked. “Why do you ask that?”

“I have nothing to compare these orgasms to,” Justin explained. “I’ve never had anal sex until … you.”

“What we’ve been doing is … primo,” Brian said trying to make light of the question, and the feelings that had been coursing through him.

“That’s good,” Justin giggled. “I wouldn’t want to be letting you down in your enjoyment level.”

“No danger,” Brian said honestly. That earned him a radiant smile.

“Should I leave while I’m still at the top of my game?” Justin asked suddenly.

“What? Leave? Why? Do you need to go?”

“No, I called Debbie while you were out. I’m okay until tomorrow morning.”

“Then stay,” Brian said without giving a thought to the fact that that simple statement went against every precept he had ever believed in. But he didn’t care as he rolled over onto Justin Taylor one more time.



*****



It was almost midnight when they finally came up for air. They had fucked and slept and then fucked again, until the day was gone and night had arrived. Justin said he was hungry, and that earned him another fuck. They napped a bit after that and then Justin demanded food. Finally Brian gave in. They called for Thai takeout, and then went to shower while they waited for the food to arrive. Brian gave Justin the most mind blowing blowjob he had ever had while they were in the shower. Then he found some new sweats for Justin to wear while they ate.

Brian dragged out a matching pair of sweats for himself. When he pulled them on, Justin started to giggle.

“What now?” Brian asked unable to stop smiling at Justin’s giggling.

“We look like twins.”

“No we don’t.”

“Yes, we do.”

“We look like two well fucked men who are hot as hell,” Brian declared.

“Is that what you see?”

“Yes, that’s what I see,” Brian said honestly.

“Do those eyes see the same thing?” Justin asked mischievously as he pointed to his sketch.

“It’s a drawing,” Brian declared.

“Yeah, but you told me you talked to it.”

“Do you remember every fucking thing I say?” Brian asked.

“Pretty much.”

The buzzer announced that their food had arrived. Brian paid for it and Justin grabbed some plates. They dished up what they wanted and carried it over to the sofa.

“I feel funny eating this on a white sofa,” Justin said as he sat down very carefully. He didn’t want to spill anything, but his ass really was starting to feel awfully raw. He hated to admit that to Brian though.

“It’s scotchgarded,” Brian said nonchalantly.

Justin shrugged, but handled his food very carefully. He was ravenous. “This is delicious.”

“Yes, the best in Pittsburgh.”

“You like the best, don’t you?” Justin asked around his mouthful of noodles.

“Only the best.”

Justin smiled. He wondered if Brian put him in that category since they had spent so much time together.

They ate in silence for awhile, until Brian asked a question. “How did you draw my eyes when I’ve never seen you before the day I met you at your father’s office?”

“I was wondering when you would get around to asking that,” Justin grinned.

“So what’s the answer?”

“We met on Liberty Avenue when I was seventeen … four, almost five, years ago.”

“We did? I think I would have remembered you,” Brian said with a frown.

“I kind of hoped you would, but that didn’t turn out to be the case,” Justin said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

“What happened?”

“I was leaning against a lamppost when you came out of some building. You met a group of friends outside. I think it was Mikey, Emmett and Ted.” Brian nodded. “You looked across the street and saw me. You walked right over to me and said, ‘How’s it going? Had a busy night?’”

“I didn’t say that,” Brian protested. It sounded like something Ted fucking Schmidt would say.

“Yes you did.”

“What did you say?”

“I said I was just checking out the bars, Boy Toy, Meathook.”

“Meathook?” Brian snorted. “Who did you think you were kidding?”

“I was repeating what someone else told me when I asked them what were good places to go. You laughed at me and asked if I was into leather. I wasn’t sure what that even meant,” Justin admitted. “You asked me where I was headed and I said nowhere special. Then you said you could change that … and I so wanted you to,” Justin added with a faraway look in his eyes.

“Why didn’t I?’

“Your friend, Michael, called over to you. He said you had to get to the hospital right away. Something about a baby being born.”

“Shit, that must have been the night my son was born.”

“You have a son?”

“Yes.”

“Wow!”

“That’s what I said,” Brian laughed. “Enough about that night. Let’s go back to bed.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to leave? I have to get back to Debbie’s before eleven tomorrow.”

“Do you want to go?”

“No.”

“Then come on.” Brian dragged him up the steps.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 21





An annoying sound woke both Justin and Brian. It was the alarm clock. They had set it for ten a.m. before they collapsed into a sated sleep the night before.

Justin yawned and stretched. He turned to look at Brian when the annoying alarm ceased its jangling. “Morning,” he said mid yawn.

“Morning to you too. How’s your ass?”

Justin giggled. “You seem to have a great many concerns about my ass. It’ll be fine.”

“I think we should shower and then I’ll doctor it for you before you leave.”

“You will? That’s awfully sweet of you,” Justin said coyly.

“Don’t press your luck, buddy,” Brian teased. He held out his hand to help Justin up off the bed.

“Ow! Fuck! Ouch!” Justin gasped as he slid across the bed.

“See, your ass requires the attentions of an expert,” Brian smirked.

“I thought it had already had the attentions of an expert.” Brian smiled. “And that expert would be you,” Justin giggled.

“I don’t see anyone else here that fits that description,” Brian smirked.

“Come on,” Justin said taking Brian’s hand. “We stink.”

“Ah, there’s nothing like the smell of sex in the morning.”

“Get in that shower,” Justin laughed, pushing the annoying and beautiful man into the shower enclosure.

“Yessir, right away, sir,” Brian saluted.

After a fun filled and sexless shower they emerged ready for their day. The thought of sex did cross Brian’s mind, and Justin’s too, for that matter. However, Brian thought he better leave Justin’s ass alone if he ever wanted it to return to its natural state.

“Where do you have to go this morning?” Brian asked wondering what Justin would be up to.

“Work,” Justin said as he dried himself off.

“Where do you work on a Sunday morning?”

“The Liberty Diner.”

“You work at the fucking diner? Why?”

“Why what? I work there so that I can earn money.”

“But you have a business degree from Dartmouth, or did you flunk out?” Brian asked with a frown.

“No, I did not flunk out! But I don’t work for my father anymore, so I needed a job. There was one available at the diner.”

“Good career choice, Emeril.”

“Well, the fucking electronics business wasn’t my first choice either. Now that I’m not trying to please my father I can do whatever I want. Got a problem with that?” Justin demanded.

Brian draped the towel around his hips and then raised his hands in surrender. “Far be it from me to tell you what to do.”

“That’s exactly what it sounded like you were doing,” Justin said, obviously miffed.

“I didn’t mean it that way. I used to spend a lot of time at the diner and I don’t think I’d want to work there,” Brian said trying to mollify Justin.

“The tips are great.”

“Watch your ass today. It may not appreciate the pinches,” Brian said tongue in cheek.

Justin giggled in spite of himself. “I’ll remember that advice. Why don’t you go to the diner anymore?”

“When Debbie and I had our falling out, I thought it was prudent to stay away,” Brian said as he lathered his face to shave.

“You? Prudent? I don’t think those words belong in the same sentence.”

“I have my moments,” Brian said superciliously, as he finished shaving and handed the razor to Justin.

“Thanks,” Justin smiled before he lathered his face.

Brian stared in fascination as Justin shaved. He could not remember ever having let a man, a trick, stay as long as he had kept Justin at the loft. And now he was sharing his razor with him. Justin Taylor was definitely not a trick, but Brian had known that when he had asked him out on a date. What was so fucking different about this man shaving at his sink?

“You’re staring,” Justin said as he wiped the last of the lather off his face.

“Hm.”

“And what might that mean?”

“Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About how to get your suit in some semblance of order so you can go home.”

“You could always go buy me a pair of jeans and a T-shirt,” Justin laughed.

“You want me to?” Brian asked. Christ, when did he get so lesbianic?

“No, I’ll be fine. I need to go back to Debbie’s and change before I go into work.”

“I’ll drive you.”

“Thanks,” Justin said with one of his winning smiles.

Justin’s suit looked pretty dilapidated as he left the loft. It was so wrinkled that it looked like Justin had slept in it all night, but that was maybe a good thing. He could say he had slept in it, rather than trying to explain what he and Brian had actually been doing. His shirt had several buttons missing. And there seemed to be one sock that had disappeared from the face of the earth.

Brian offered to stop at a drive through so Justin could get some breakfast, but Justin decided he needed to get to Debbie’s and get into his work clothes or he was going to be late.

When they pulled up at Debbie’s Justin slid out of the Jeep. “Thanks for the lotion,” he grinned. Brian had carefully taken care of Justin’s sore ass before he got dressed. It did feel quite a bit better.

“You’re welcome,” Brian smirked.

“And thanks for the two most memorable nights of my life,” Justin said sincerely.

Brian smirked more, and then his face turned serious. “We could try to top those two nights the next time we get together,” he suggested.

“I’d be up for that.”

“I’m counting on you being up for it.”

Justin’s smile was blinding. “I’ll call you.”

“You better get changed or you’ll be late,” Brian directed the young man.

“Yeah.” Justin still stood beside the Jeep with the door open peering in at Brian.

“You going?”

“Yeah.”

“Or staying?”

“Yeah.”

“Justin, go. You’ll be late.”

“Okay,” Justin sighed. “I just don’t want our date to be over.”

“We can have another.”

“I’m counting on that.”

“Say goodbye, Justin.”

“Goodbye, Justin.”

Brian laughed loudly. “Twat.”

“Asshole. I love you,” Justin blurted out, before he slammed the door and ran into the house.

“Shit!” Brian said aloud. “I love you too, Sunshine, whatever the fuck that might mean.”



*****



As Justin stepped through the doorway of Debbie’s house, the woman pounced.

“Where the fuck have you been?” she demanded. “I was worried sick. Did Brian Kinney hurt you? If he did I’ll fucking kill him. Are you all right?”

“Out, no and yes,” Justin replied. “I have to change for work.” He started up the stairs.

“Stop right there, mister. You look like you’ve been dragged through a knothole backwards. Tell me what happened.”

“I have to change, Debbie, and I really don’t want to talk about it.” He continued up the stairs.

“Justin Taylor, you come back here. You listen to me. Stay away from that asshole.”

Justin kept going until he could close his bedroom door on the Debbie harangue issuing from downstairs. He didn’t want to hear her bad mouth Brian. That was the last thing he wanted.



*****



“Marty.”

“Brian.”

The two men sized each other up. Brian thought Marty looked older and tired. Marty Ryder thought Brian looked as handsome as ever and just as arrogant.

“Let’s sit down,” Marty said as he seated himself at the head of the table in the conference room at Ryder Advertising. He had called Brian a few days earlier and Brian had agreed to this meeting. Marty hoped Brian didn’t notice that he was sweating. He wanted to look confident.

Brian glanced around. The room looked the same as the last time he had been in there, the day Marty had told him that he had made a deal with Kip Thomas and Brian was to collect his belongings and get out. Brian wondered if Marty remembered that day or that it took place in this very room. He walked to a chair at the other end of the big table and sat down.

“You’re a long way away,” Marty observed with a frown.

“Then move over here,” Brian said tapping the arm of the chair next to him … at the side of the table. Brian could play the power game with the best of them.

Marty hesitated for a moment and then rose. He walked over to the chair Brian had indicated and sat down.

Brian couldn’t help but smirk. “So, you asked me to come here today. Why?” Brian asked deciding that he was sick of this game.

“I … I understand you’ve done very well for yourself since you left here,” Marty began.

“You mean since you fired me.” Marty recoiled just enough to please Brian. That was the reaction he had been looking for.

“Well, you did do something really stupid.”

Brian raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think it’s your prerogative to judge what I do … or did. You may have had the power to do that once, but not anymore,” Brian said flatly. He was not pleased.

“Brian, please, let’s not go down that road.”

“It seems to me that you brought it up, and it was you who asked me to come here today. What do you want, Marty?”

When Brian had got the call from Ryder Advertising asking for a meeting, he had been intrigued. He wasn’t sure what would motivate such a call, other than the fact that the Ryder Agency was close to bankruptcy. He had returned to his old stomping ground to find out what Ryder wanted. The place had not changed at all, which was not a good sign in the advertising world. Change was a must.

“I … I’m thinking about retiring,” Marty started again.

“I thought you would have retired long ago,” Brian said rather uncharitably.

Marty cringed. He wondered if Brian knew just how badly things were going for Ryder Advertising at the moment. “I want to sell out,” Marty stated, deciding he needed to get to the point. “I’d give you a really good deal. Are you interested?”

“Interested? In your retirement?” Brian asked with a smirk.

Marty’s eyes dropped and he shook his head. Obviously Brian was not going to make this easy. “Interested in buying me out,” Marty admitted reluctantly. Somehow it sounded like begging and he didn’t want it to be that way.

“Why would I want to buy this tired old company?”

“Brian…”

“Not interested,” Brian said definitively.

“I thought since you cut your teeth in advertising here, you might want to take over the business,” Marty said with a sigh.

“I was the best ad exec you ever had and you fired me,” Brian stated. “There are no fond memories here for me.”

“I guess I made a mistake.”

“Yes, I guess you did,” Brian said standing up. “But you do have one thing I want.”

“What’s that?” Marty asked feeling fear run up his spine. He expected Brian to call down the gods of revenge or threaten to stomp the place into the ground.

“Cynthia,” Brian said. “In fact I think I’ll go get her right now.”

Marty felt all the air drain from his lungs. He slumped in his chair. “Brian…” he said after a minute, but when he looked up, the room was empty.

Brian walked down the hall looking for his old assistant. Cynthia came out of an office and nearly ran into him

“Brian!” she said in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see if you’d consider a job offer to work for me at Kinnetik.”

“Really?” she asked with a huge grin on her face.

Brian nodded. “Could you start today?”

“You bet your ass,” Cynthia practically yelled. She threw her arms around Brian’s neck and hugged him hard.

“How long will it take you to gather your stuff?” Brian asked. “I could give you a ride over to Kinnetik.”

“There’s nothing here I want but my purse. Let me grab it.”

Brian smiled as Cynthia raced down the hall and yanked her purse out of her desk. She also grabbed the photo of her latest boyfriend that sat on top of the desk. It was almost an afterthought. She ran out into the hall and met Brian at the elevator.

“That was fast,” Brian smirked.

“Yep.”

“Don’t you have to give notice?”

“I told Ryder months ago that I was leaving, but he kept asking me to stay just a little longer, and then a little longer still. ‘A little longer’ just ran out,” she stated.

Just as the elevator door opened Brian caught a glimpse of someone who looked like Kip Thomas down the hall. “Is he still here?” Brian asked.

“Kip? Yeah, he’s going down with the ship if there’s truly a God in heaven,” Cynthia said wryly.

“I wouldn’t count on God helping us out.”

“We don’t need his help. Ryder is in big trouble.”

“I know,” Brian said as the elevator doors closed on them. “I hope the rats know how to swim.”

“I don’t. They can all fucking drown as far as I’m concerned,” Cynthia stated.

Brian chuckled. He had always enjoyed having Cynthia around and she didn’t seem to have changed at all. He should have come to get her months ago. But now that he had Liberty Air, he could finally afford to pay her what she was worth.



*****



Justin was finally finished his shift, make that shifts, at the diner. He had survived his shift on Sunday, but had gone home and collapsed into bed. He had been asleep before his head hit the pillow. He had managed to drag himself out of bed to do the Monday morning shift at the diner and he was now headed home after staying through the rest of the day and the worst of the dinner shift.

Debbie was still at the diner. Justin didn’t know how she worked all the hours she did, but he guessed she wasn’t up most of the day and night in a marathon fuck session like he had been. He had managed to put off her questions about him and Brian. Thank God the diner had been busy, and there had been little time to talk. He didn’t want to talk about what had happened on the weekend with anybody … except Brian. He wanted what they were doing to be just between the two of them. It was nobody else’s business.

Justin walked along the street headed for Debbie’s. He was pooped. His bed was calling to him. He was almost to the corner when he heard a horn honk. He looked up to see a black Jeep parked just ahead. His face broke into a smile and his tiredness fell away. It was Brian.

“Hey,” he said with a happy smile on his face as he looked into the Jeep.

“How’s it going? Had a busy night?” Brian asked with a smirk.

“Just checking out the bars. You know Boy Toy, Meathook.”

“Meathook? You into leather?” Justin merely grinned. “Where ya headed?”

“Nowhere special.”

“I can change that.”

“You already have,” Justin whispered.

“Get in.”

“Where are we going?” Justin asked as he buckled his seat belt.

“Loft.”

“Okay.” The fatigue he had felt a minute ago was suddenly gone.

Brian looked over at Justin. He wasn’t sure why he was doing this. But he did know deep inside that he wasn’t done with Justin Taylor yet. He needed to be with him. He stepped down on the gas and headed for the loft.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 22





“Fuck! Justin…”

“Oh yeah! Fucking shit! I don’t know how you do that to me,” Justin gasped.

“Can’t tell you all my secrets,” Brian smirked, as he rolled away and tried to get his breath. That last orgasm had nearly blown off the top of his head.

They were in Brian’s bed having taken a major step towards satisfying their need for each other. Justin rolled onto his side and looked at Brian. He studied the man with keen eyes taking in every aspect of the well satiated face.

“What are you doing?” Brian asked after a minute, as his brain started to function again, and he realized Justin was staring at him.

“Composing a sketch.”

“What?”

“I’m studying you so I can draw you if I ever get another minute to sketch,” Justin explained.

“Am I taking up too much of your time?” Brian smirked. Like Justin cared!

“When you are, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

“Do you have a shift at the diner tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“What time do you have to be there?”

“I don’t work until eleven. I thought I could do some searching for a job early in the morning.”

“You mean the diner isn’t the goldmine you thought it was going to be?” Brian asked sarcastically.

Justin swatted him. “I have other objectives in my life besides working in the diner.”

“What are you looking for?”

“That’s the problem. I don’t really know,” Justin sighed. “I’d like something in art, but those kinds of jobs don’t come along very often.”

“You could work for me,” Brian suggested quickly. He hadn’t really thought about that until Justin mentioned art. After seeing what Justin could do with the Liberty Air campaign, Brian wouldn’t mind having his blond work at Kinnetik and there might be other fringe benefits as well.

“I told you I’m not a whore, and I resent you calling this work,” Justin said with a straight face.

Brian laughed out loud. “Twat!”

“Thanks a bunch,” Justin grinned with his best innocent face on. “Besides this…” He gestured to the bed and the cum on his chest. “What other form of employment are you offering?”

“Graphic artist,” Brian responded quickly.

“What? Do you mean that?” Justin asked sitting up in bed and staring at Brian.

“I mean it,” Brian said simply.

“But you don’t know anything about me. I don’t even have a resume.”

“You told me you took art courses at fucking Dartmouth,” Brian replied.

“And you laughed yourself silly when I told you that,” Justin reminded him.

“Well, maybe just a little.”

“More than a little,” Justin griped.

“Okay, so I thought it was a ridiculous place to study art, but you blew me away with your suggestion about the Liberty Air boards. I’m not sure I would have got the account without your input.”

“Really?” Justin asked screwing up his face in disbelief, but Brian’s praise made him feel all warm inside.

“Really! And I want you to take that check. Your suggestions were worth that … and more.”

“Thanks,” Justin said with a beguiling smile. “I will, since you put it so nicely.”

Brian nodded. “And I meant what I said about the job.”

“You’re just doing that so you can keep on fucking me.”

“Despite what you may think, I do not screw with my business. I think you would be an asset to the company.”

Justin frowned. He didn’t know whether to believe Brian or not. “You want me around the office so you can fuck me when you have a coffee break, that’s all,” he said, waiting to hear what Brian would say about that.

Brian snorted. “That’s a noteworthy side benefit.”

“See. You don’t really need me as an artist.”

“Don’t tell me what I need, Taylor. I know what I need and what I want. And what I want is you, here and at the office.” Brian gulped when it donned on him what he had just said. But it was the truth, he realized, as he thought about it.

“Brian, are you really serious about this?” Justin asked, as the concept that he might be able to work as an artist started to sink in. “You think I would be an asset to your company?” Brian nodded again, truly meaning it. “And you’re not doing this just because I’m your boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend? Who said you were my boyfriend?” Brian asked. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that appellation. In the past he would have vehemently denied that Justin was any such thing. Now, he wasn’t so sure he minded the title.

“Well, if I’m not your boyfriend, what the fuck am I?” Justin demanded. “And if you say I’m a trick, I’ll punch your lights out.”

“You think you can take me?” Brian laughed.

“Answer me and then we’ll find out … if necessary.”

Brian’s face grew serious. He frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but then changed his mind. He didn’t know how to answer that question. His silence spoke volumes to Justin.

“So you think I’m a trick?” Justin asked, eyes full of hurt.

“No, I don’t … but I don’t think you’re my boyfriend either,” Brian added quickly.

“Then what am I?”

Brian thought about that. “I really don’t know. You’re not like any trick I’ve ever had.” He saw Justin wince and wanted to take back those words. “Could you be my lover … on the road to being my boyfriend?”

Justin tried to keep a straight face, but he couldn’t help but laugh at the bewildered and boyish look on Brian’s face. “You really don’t know what this is all about, do you?”

Brian shook his head. “Want to explain it to me?”

“I think I fell in love with you a little bit, or maybe a lot, that night I first met you on Liberty Avenue.”

“You mean you fell in lust with me. Everybody lusts after me,” Brian declared and he wasn’t bragging.

“Yeah, there was definitely lust, but there was something more too,” Justin said thoughtfully.

“What?”

“I don’t think I can explain it. I just knew that we were supposed to connect and then the birth of … your son interrupted that.”

“You believe in fate?”

“Yes, I do. I know that we’re fated to be together.”

“If that’s true, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into,” Brian warned, and he was very serious.

“I have some idea. Your friends have told me a few things, and I’m very observant,” Justin laughed.

“And what conclusion have you come to?”

“That you’re worth the effort of getting to know.”

“And in the meantime there’s great sex.”

“Yep,” Justin agreed with a wide grin.

“Until you figure out that I’m the fucking asshole they’ve all been telling you I am, and then you’ll go running frantically into the night.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in regrets.”

“For me. Others are welcome to them.”

“I won’t regret anything. I’ve enjoyed every minute that we’ve spent together,” Justin said sincerely. “If you kicked me out right now, I’d say thank you.”

“You only say that because you know I’m not about to kick you out,” Brian snorted.

“Something told me you wouldn’t want to do that,” Justin giggled as his hand reached for Brian’s hardening cock. “You are insatiable.”

“My finest quality,” Brian said as he once again rolled on top of the young man, and proved how true that statement was.



*****



Brian dropped Justin off at Debbie’s early the next morning. He had to go to work or he would have liked to have stayed in bed longer with the quirky blond that had invaded his life. Or maybe he should call Justin the blond that he kept coaxing into his life. Although, he certainly didn’t have to coax much to get Justin into his bed. Justin came willingly and enthusiastically and whole-heartedly.

As Brian drove away, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He had done his best to convince Justin to come work for him at Kinnetik, but the man was reluctant to say yes. Brian knew Justin wanted the job, but for some reason Justin seemed to think that Brian was only offering it because he wanted to fuck Justin. That was what was fucked! Brian knew he could fuck Justin without offering a job or anything, except himself. That had been proven every time they had been together. But Justin didn’t seem to think he was good enough to be hired as a graphic artist. From his end, Brian respected the suggestions that Justin had given him about Craig Taylor’s flyers and most definitely about the Liberty Air campaign. Brian frowned, wondering how he could convince Justin to come work for him.

He pulled into the alley and parked in front of Kinnetik. He mad ehis way into the building. He was still wondering how to convince Justin to join Kinnetik when he met Cynthia in the hall.

“Morning, Boss. I have a list of the dissatisfied clients that I can remember from Ryder. Oh, and I’m sure there are more, but I can’t remember them offhand. I should have brought some of my records with me, but I was in such a hurry to get out of there…”

“It’s okay, Cynthia. I don’t want to pilfer any of Ryder’s clients. I want them to come willingly as the ship continues to sink over there.”

“The best revenge…”

“Is to live well and be a success when all about are failing,” Brian chuckled.

“Perfect philosophy,” Cynthia laughed. “I’ve been checking out the facilities here. If we’re going to get all the business you’re expecting, we’re going to need at least one more ad exec, maybe a fulltime CFO and probably two more artists.”

“Hm, I’ve been thinking along those lines,” Brian said. “I know an artist that may fill the bill.”

“You do?”

“His name is Justin Taylor. I want you to call him and arrange an interview. You will conduct it, and I want your honest evaluation at the end. I don’t want any part in the interview process. Understood?”

Cynthia frowned. “I guess so. Do you have his number?”

“I’ll get it and send it down to your office,” Brian said. He didn’t want her to know that he had Justin’s phone number programmed into his cell. He wanted her honest evaluation of Justin Taylor and whether or not he might fit in at Kinnetik. That way he could tell Justin that he was the best choice for the job, and it would be the absolute truth.

Cynthia nodded and headed off to do whatever she did. Brian wasn’t exactly sure of all the things Cynthia took care of when she worked for him before, or that she had taken over since she jumped ship at Ryder and came to Kinnetik. He just knew that things ran smoother when she was around.

Brian headed into his office. He wanted to call some of the clients on the list Cynthia had given him. He didn’t intend to say too much, just put out some feelers and see who might bite. Things were definitely looking up for his company.



*****



Justin arrived on time for his shift. Debbie was already working and she gave him the once over. He avoided talking to her as he headed to the back to get his apron.

“Where the fuck were you last night?” Debbie demanded when he reappeared.

“Come on, Deb. I think you can figure it out.”

“Justin, be careful. Brian … I’ve known him for a long time, and he doesn’t do relationships,” she said gently, hoping a calm, reasonable tone might get through to Justin. “He doesn’t want a boyfriend. Hell, he wouldn’t know what a fucking boyfriend was.”

“Funny, we had that conversation this morning.”

Debbie frowned. “What conversation?”

“About me being his boyfriend,” Justin said. “I have to get that table. They look like they’re ready to yell.” Justin headed toward his impatient diners.

It took Debbie a minute before she realized that her mouth was hanging open. She closed it with a snap, gave herself a shake and started clearing a table. Before she left the diner later in the day, she’d find out what the fuck Justin Taylor had just told her.



*****



“Come in, Theodore.”

“Thanks, Bri. Is something wrong? Did I make a mistake with some of your tax forms or something?” Ted asked nervously. He was still in his twelve step program for crystal meth, and Brian had given him a job as the bookkeeper for Kinnetik. It had probably saved his life. Without that job he was going to lose his condo and probably everything else he had. He had been working for Brian for over a year, and had picked up several other clients as a result. He wasn’t exactly prospering, but he was doing okay. He didn’t want to fuck that up.

“Sit the fuck down, and no, you haven’t fucked up. You know I told you not to or I’d have to kill you.”

“Yes, Bri. I remember,” Ted said contritely as he sat down. “What can I do for you?”

“How would you like to be the CFO of Kinnetik?” Brian said bluntly, deciding there was no point in torturing Ted further.

“What?”

“Get with the program, Theodore. CFO of Kinnetik. Chief Financial Officer,” Brian said tongue in cheek.

“I know what the fuck those three letters mean,” Ted said with a glare. “And I don’t appreciate you taunting me.”

“I don’t taunt,” Brian said with a smirk.

“The fuck you don’t, but…” The light began to dawn. “Are you actually offering me that position?”

“I can’t think of any other position I would want you in.” Brian continued to smirk, having completely flustered Ted.

“But I’m a crystal freak,” Ted said wondering if Brian could possibly serious.

“You fucking better not be … anymore.”

“I’m still in my program. I haven’t touched crystal in almost two years.”

“Keep it that way if you intend to work for me.”

“I will, but... Brian, are you seriously offering me the CFO job?”

“I am.”

“Fuck, I accept.”

“Good, now go see Cynthia and she’ll show you your office.”

“I … I have an office?”

Brian nodded as Ted hustled to the door of Brian’s office. “Thank you,” he said sincerely before he pulled the door open. “Thank you so much.”

“Theodore, don’t fuck this up or I will have you murdered.”

“Of course, Bri. Goes without saying … Boss!” Ted grinned before he disappeared down the hall.



*****



“Who you talking to?” Debbie asked as Justin flipped his cell phone closed. She expected Justin would be talking to Brian fucking Kinney.

“Someone named Cynthia Morgan at Kinnetik Advertising. I have a job interview over there tomorrow morning,” Justin explained, still not quite comprehending that Brian was serious about hiring him as a graphic artist.

“That’s Brian’s company,” she said as she poured them each a coffee and indicated they should sit down in the back booth. It was between mealtimes, and the diner was almost empty.

“Yeah.”

“He’s giving you a job?”

Justin frowned. “I won’t take it if he’s giving it to me. I’m going for an interview and if I turn out to be the best person for the job then I’ll take it.”

Debbie snorted. “You know you’re going to get it because Brian’s fucking you.”

“Debbie…”

“Don’t let him suck you into his black hole, Justin. Brian Kinney will discard you as soon as the novelty wears off,” she warned.

“Have you ever known him to be with anyone this long before?” Justin asked pointedly.

“It’s only been a few days.”

“My point exactly. Has he ever been with anyone for a few days?” Justin had learned all about Brian’s reputation. People were only too happy to tell him.

“Maybe not, but he has a very short attention span,” Debbie replied trying to warn Justin off Brian Kinney.

“I don’t find that to be true, Debbie. I’m going for the interview and I’m going to keep seeing Brian.” He slid out of the booth and dumped his untouched coffee. ‘Fuck all Brian’s so-called friends,’ he thought to himself as he went to wait on another customer.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 23





“Justin Taylor,” Justin said as he held out his hand to the pretty blond woman who met him at reception at Kinnetik.

“Nice to meet you, Justin. Follow me,” Cynthia said as she shook his hand then led Justin down the hall to her office.

Justin couldn’t help but glance through the glass doors into Brian’s office as they went by. There was no sign of the ad exec.

Cynthia conducted a very efficient and effective interview. By the end of it, she was ready to hire Justin Taylor, even though he didn’t have much of a portfolio to show her. She could see the potential in the young man. As well as his artistic abilities, Justin was quick, eloquent and able to handle himself. He would need that if he was going to work for Brian Kinney.

As the interview wound down, Cynthia had to ask. “Do you know Brian Kinney?”

Justin debated for a split second about how to answer that. “Yes,” was the simple answer.

“Okay,” Cynthia replied. That showed Justin’s honesty. She liked that, even though she couldn’t help but wonder how this young man might be involved with her boss. Brian had never brought a trick to the office in all the years she had known him. This must be something different. “Let’s go for a tour of the art department,” she said standing up.

“Great, I’d like to see it,” Justin said as they walked down the hall.

“I need these fucking boards for tomorrow at eleven,” Brian yelled.

“I don’t think I can have them ready by then,” a voice replied.

“Harry, the client is coming at eleven fucking o’clock tomorrow morning. Have them ready!” Brian ordered as he turned and without a glance at Justin or Cynthia marched out of the room.

“Seems a little tense,” Justin said to Cynthia.

“Get used to that if you want to work here,” Cynthia sighed. “Justin, this is Harry Petrochuk, our artist.”

“You’ll notice that she said artist, singular. I don’t know how he expects me to do all this work. I only have two hands,” Harry griped and then sighed. “Nice to meet you, Justin.”

“I’m thinking of offering Justin a job as graphic artist,” Cynthia said as Justin shook hands with Harry.

Justin blinked as he realized what Cynthia had just said. He might be hired.

“Can he start right now?” Harry asked.

Cynthia looked at Justin.

Justin frowned. He had cleared the day with Debbie at the diner. “Yeah, I could,” he said. He hoped he knew what the fuck to do. He had no experience as a graphic artist in an advertising agency.

“Good, then come over here and I’ll show what we have to do,” Harry explained. Justin joined him at the table and listened attentively to what the man was telling him.

Cynthia watched for a minute and then she walked out of the art area and headed for Brian’s office.

“Well?” Brian said as she came into his office.

“He’s working right now,” she laughed.

“You hired him?”

“Harry was practically begging for help.”

“But you think Justin will be good?”

“I think so,” Cynthia replied with a smile. “He didn’t have much of a portfolio, at least not in graphic art.”

“But…”

“He can handle himself, and he seems to have a wonderful sense of color and design.”

“That’s what I thought,” Brian said, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“Well, you’d be right,” Cynthia chuckled. “Care to tell me how you found this young man?”

“He’s Craig Taylor’s son. I found him at Taylor Electronics.”

“Oh,” Cynthia said truly surprised. That was not anything like the answer she had expected, if she got an answer at all.

“I bet you thought I got him at Babylon,” Brian snorted.

“Something like that,” Cynthia admitted.

”When have you ever known me to mix business and pleasure?” Brian demanded.

“Does the name Kip Thomas ring a bell?”

“Shit! Why did you have to bring up that asshole?”

“Because I knew it would get to you. I hope Justin doesn’t fall anywhere into the same category as Kip,” Cynthia said sincerely.

Brian shook his head. He had been about to tell Cynthia that he had already fucked Justin and would keep that aspect of their relationship out of the office, when he realized that would sound pretty awful, even to his ears. “Justin bears no resemblance to Kip Thomas in any way, shape or form,” he said instead.

Cynthia looked him in the eye before walking out of the office.



*****



“Brian?”

“Yes, Harry, and please don’t tell me that you’re going home without finishing those fucking boards,” Brian said wearily.

“I wanted to show you this,” Harry replied. He was standing in the doorway to Brian’s office. It was almost seven in the evening. He reached out and brought in a stack of foamcore boards. “They’re finished.”

“I thought you said you couldn’t do them before the morning. I expected to stay here with you all night if necessary.”

“That won’t happen if you like these,” Harry smiled tiredly. “Have a look.”

Brian came around the desk. He leaned the boards against the wall as he looked at each of them. When they were all lined up he stood back and studied them. “Not bad,” he said.

“They’re fucking great!” Harry corrected.

“Yeah, they’re … perfect.” That was not normally a term that Brian ever used. “How did you get them done so fast?”

“That new guy you hired is good.”

Brian smiled. That would be Justin, Brian thought. “These are great, Harry. Go home and relax.”

“Thanks,” Harry grinned.

“Oh, and send me the new guy, if he’s still here.”

Harry nodded and hustled out of the office.

Brian sat down behind his desk. He couldn’t help but smile when he thought about Justin’s first day at Kinnetik. He had obviously won over Harry. Maybe that would make Justin feel more comfortable about working there.

“Mr. Kinney?”

“Justin Taylor,” Brian smiled. “Come in.”

“Good night, Brian,” Harry called as he passed the door, his briefcase in hand.

“You wanted to see me?” Justin asked uncertainly.

“You had a hand in these?” Brian asked.

Justin nodded. “A little.”

“More than a little from what Harry tells me.” Justin blushed. “I see that you jumped right in.”

“I didn’t really have a choice,” Justin explained. “Harry needed help and Cynthia asked me to start work immediately.”

“How did you like your first day here?” Brian asked, leaning back in his chair and studying Justin.

Justin couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face. “It was awesome.”

Brian chuckled. “I’m glad you liked it. And from what I hear, you’re good at it too.”

“Really?”

“Both Cynthia and Harry were impressed.”

“Wow! That’s great. I think I’ll love working here.”

“Then you intend to stay?”

Justin nodded. “I’d love too,” he grinned.

“How be we get some dinner to celebrate your first day as a graphic artist?”

“Um … do you have a policy about employees dating?”

“I’m not an employee, and I make the rules,” Brian said. “Let’s go.” He shut down his computer and they headed out to the parking lot. Cynthia watched them leave the building, Brian’s arm draped over Justin’s shoulders. She smiled broadly and felt good for her boss. Maybe this was the one that Brian had been waiting for all these years, even if he didn’t realize it.



*****



Brian and Justin were lying in the platform bed at the loft. Brian had taken Justin to his favorite Italian restaurant where Justin had had the best lasagna he had ever tasted. Brian had a salad and a few bites off Justin’s plate. Justin couldn’t help but enjoy himself. Brian seemed very happy, and God knows, Justin was. It had been a great day.

They had just fucked, although something seemed different about this one. Justin could almost believe they had made love, but he was afraid to mention that to Brian. He thought he knew what the reaction would be.

Brian let out a long breath. “Did that seem different to you?” Brian asked.

“What?” Justin asked holding his breath.

“That last fuck. It was very … intense.”

“And tender.”

“Fucking isn’t tender.”

“Yes it is, when you love the other person.”

“Love,” Brian scoffed. “Who’s in love?”

“We are,” Justin stated.

Brian turned his head to look at Justin. “What makes you think that?”

“I love to come here with you, I like spending time together, I enjoyed our dinner, and you were sweet and tender when we made love just now.” There he’d said it.

“Is that what you think we did?” Justin nodded and waited for Brian’s reaction. “You … I …” Brian didn’t know what to say.

“It’s very telling that you didn’t deny it,” Justin said gently.

“Is it?” Brian asked with a frown. “I don’t know what this is, but I wouldn’t call it love.”

“That’s because love isn’t part of your vocabulary, but I can change that,” Justin said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Brian snorted and then laughed. “I see you only quote the masters.”

Justin smiled and nodded. “I mean it, you know.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Don’t be afraid. Love can be a good thing.”

“And fucking’s even better,” Brian said deciding this talk of love had gone far enough.

Justin, however, wasn’t ready to let it go. “Who do you love, Brian?” There was no reply. “I’m not fishing for you to say me,” Justin stated. “I really would like to know who you love.”

“Nobody.”

“I don’t believe that. What about Debbie?”

“Well, yeah, I guess so. She’s been more of a mother to me than my own fucking mother ever was.”

“Michael?”

“Yeah,” Brian admitted grudgingly.

“Ted and Emmett?”

“Well, don’t you ever tell them, but I suppose I do … sort of.”

“I’m sure they’d be happy to know that you maybe sorta, kinda, love them,” Justin chuckled.

“I said not to tell them.”

“I won’t.”

And Brian knew Justin would keep that promise.

“What about your son?”

“What about him?”

“Do you love him?”

“I never let myself … become involved with him. He belongs to his mothers.”

“Do you ever see him?”

“Occasionally.”

“I’d like to meet him.”

“Maybe … sometime.”

“This weekend?”

“Christ, you’re pushy.”

“That’s me, Mr. Pushy Pants,” Justin laughed.

“At the moment you don’t have any pants, so shut up and let’s fuck.”

“Okay,” Justin grinned.

Brian rolled on top of Justin. He propped himself on his elbows one on each side of Justin. His hands raked through the soft blond hair as he studied the man beneath him. He stared into the clear blue eyes wondering what Justin Taylor possessed that no other man he had ever known possessed. And he had known a lot of them. There was something different about this man. If only he could put his finger on it…

“I thought you wanted to fuck,” Justin whispered.

“I do, but … I like looking at you.”

Justin’s smile made the other lights in the loft pale in comparison. “I like looking at you too.”

“And sketching me,” Brian said glancing over at the eyes that still stood on the dresser.

“And sketching you,” Justin admitted with a grin. “If you keep me around long enough I may have to show you my old sketchbooks filled with images of you from that night on Liberty.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You are going to keep me around, aren’t you?” Justin asked.

“I think I’ll keep you,” Brian chuckled. Then his face turned serious. “I want you around for a long time.”

Justin couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as Brian made love to him all over again.

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 24





Saturday morning Justin and Brian were in the Jeep heading towards the Munchers’ house. Justin had completed his first week of work at Kinnetik. He was loving every minute of it. Debbie had rumbled and grumbled when he told her he wasn’t coming back to the diner. Finally she had given in and put the Help Wanted sign back in the window. She had also allowed him to keep his room at her house. However, Justin hadn’t spent much time there. Brian had kept him very occupied at the loft when they weren’t at Kinnetik.

“Do you think your son will like me?” Justin asked as they drove along.

Brian shrugged. “I’m not even sure he likes me.”

“Briian!” Justin said with an accusatory tone. “He’s your son. He loves you.”

“Justin, I’m little more than a stranger to him.” Brian hated to admit that, but he knew it was true.

Justin frowned. He didn’t like the sound of that. “When was the last time you saw him?”

“A little over a month ago.”

“That’s not so long,” Justin said hoping to make it sound better than it was.

“I told you that I don’t really have any rights as a father. “Maybe we should turn around and go back home.”

Justin smiled at the use of the word home. “No, I want to meet him. How old is he?” he asked as they pulled up in front of the Munchers’.

“This is it,” Brian said. “And he’ll be five in a few weeks.”

They walked to the door and Brian knocked.

“Oh, what’s your son’s name?” Justin asked. “I never asked.”

“Gus … Abe … Gus … no, Abe,” Brian sighed.

“What?” How many kids could there be with the names Gus and Abe. Justin felt his heart pound in his chest. Could it be? The door opened and Justin stared at… “Lindsay!” he said in shock.

“My God, Justin, is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me, after all this time.”

“How are you?” she asked, and then her face drew solemn as she saw Brian standing beside the young man that she remembered from the GLC all those years before. “Brian? How…?”

“Justin’s with me,” Brian said trying to look nonchalant, but clearly affected by the fact that his son’s mother and his lover knew each other.

“Come … come in,” Lindsay stammered.

“Care to explain how you two know each other?” Brian asked as Lindsay ushered them into the living room.

“Lindsay’s the first person who ever encouraged me with my art,” Justin said as he sat on the sofa beside Brian.

“You bought one of his sketches,” Lindsay said to Brian, as she remembered that night of the GLC art show so many years ago.

“Yeah, with my last hundred dollars,” Brian snarked.

“Really?” Justin asked with a huge smile for Brian.

Brian barely nodded, but it pleased Justin nonetheless. “Where’s my son?”

“He and Melanie are playing in the backyard,” Lindsay said.

“Should we go out there?”

“They’ll be in in a minute.”

Just then a little whirlwind came careening in from the kitchen. “Daddy!” Gus shouted. “You came!”

“That I did, Sonny Boy. I always come when I promise.” Brian gave Justin a little wink before Gus climbed up on his lap.

“Can we go to the park?” Gus asked his father.

Justin watched the interaction between father and son, waiting to be introduced to the little boy. It didn’t seem like Brian was a stranger to his son at all.

“Abe, I told you not to run in the house,” Melanie Marcus said as she entered the living room. “Hello, I’m Melanie,” she said extending her hand to Justin.

“Hi, Melanie, I’m Justin. You have a beautiful son, both of you,” Justin said feeling slightly awkward.

“Thank you,” Melanie said.

“Mel, you’ll never guess,” Lindsay said. “This is the Justin who drew the sketch of me and … Gus.”

“You mean Abe,” Melanie said flatly.

“Gus has told you that he wants to be called Gus,” Lindsay said with a frown.

“What sketch of you and Gus?” Brian asked, adding fuel to the fire between the two women. Somehow, Justin knew that Brian intended to do just that.

“It’s up in Gus’ room,” Lindsay said, happy to have support for her efforts to have her son be called Gus.

“I’d like to see it, after we come back from the park,” Brian said setting Gus down and standing.

“Yay!” Gus crowed as he slipped his hand into his father’s.

“Let’s go, men,” Brian commanded and they were quickly out the door before the two women had a chance to protest or stop them.

They started along the sidewalk with Gus holding onto Brian’s hand. Justin was on the other side of the little boy.

“Hi, Gus. My name is Justin.” Justin smiled at the boy.

“I know,” Gus said looking up into Justin’s face.

“How do you know?”

“I heard you intro…introduce yourself to Mama.”

“Oh, right. You have a very good vocabulary for someone your age,” Justin told the boy.

“I know. I like words.”

“Just like your father,” Justin said with a smile.

“Do you like words, Daddy?” Gus asked.

“I guess so. I use them every day.”

“Silly Daddy, we all use words every day.”

“He’s got you there,” Justin chuckled. Brian made a face at him. “How old are you, Gus?” Justin asked.

“Four and three quarters.”

Justin gulped and coughed. “How do you figure that?” he asked Gus.

“My Mommy told me that when I asked about my birthday.”

“I see,” Justin said with a smile. Brian’s son was one smart little cookie.

“Swings or slide?” Brian asked as they entered the small park not far from the Munchers’.

“Swings,” Gus replied immediately. “You always ask me that, Daddy, and I always say swings.”

“I know, but I like to check.” Brian smirked at Justin.

“Push me real high,” Gus ordered as he climbed onto the swing.

“Right you are, Sonny Boy.” Brian started his son moving and increased the force with each push. Soon Gus was giggling excitedly.

“For someone who’s a stranger to his son, you and said son seem to be having an awfully good time,” Justin observed. Brian smirked and shrugged.

“Justin, did you draw my sketch?” Gus asked.

“What sketch, Gus?”

“The one that’s in my room. It’s me and Mommy.”

“I guess I did, because I gave one like that to your mother a long time ago.”

“Did you know me when I was that little?”

“I didn’t know you very well, Gus, but I thought you were a beautiful baby.”

“I’m handsome,” Gus corrected making Justin laugh.

“Just like your Daddy,” Justin said looking fondly at Brian.

“Do you want a couple of slides before we go back?” Brian asked as he caught the swing and brought it to a halt.

“Don’t want to go back,” Gus pouted.

“Slides or home?” Brian declared.

“Slides,” Gus replied as he ran across the grass and climbed the ladder to the top of the slide. “Watch me, Daddy, Justin.”

Justin and Brian watched the little boy slide down with a happy giggle and then run around to climb back up.

“For someone who claims to never see his son, you know him pretty well, and you handle him beautifully.”

Brian merely shrugged. “I seem to know him better than I know you,” Brian said thoughtfully.

“What does that mean?”

“I didn’t know you had met Lindsay.”

“It was a long time ago, and if you had come to the art show a little earlier that evening, I would have been there,” Justin said gently.

“Yeah, maybe, but would I have been ready for … this?” Brian asked feeling a little light headed at what he was saying.

“And what do you think this is?” Justin grinned.

“You keep telling me this is love.” Justin frowned. “What?” Brian didn’t like that look on Justin’s face.

“Do you feel it?” Justin asked after a pause.

“Feel what?”

Justin let out a weary sigh. Getting an answer out of Brian Kinney about anything related to feelings was nigh unto impossible. “Love!” he said abruptly.

“I’ve told you…”

“I know…that you don’t know what love is. But aren’t you figuring it out even a little bit?”

“Am I?”

Justin shook his head and smiled. “I might as well talk to that sandbox over there. It’s less of a quagmire than talking to you.”

“Then why do you … continue to talk to me?” Brian asked pulling Justin against his chest.

“Because I’m a glutton for punishment.” Brian shook his head. “Because I’m too stupid to go pester someone else.” Brian snorted and shook his head again. “Because I’m as tenacious as a bulldog.” Brian perked up at that for a moment and then shook his head once again. “Because I love you, you big dope.”

Brian laughed and picked Justin up swinging him around. They both laughed and looked into each other’s eyes.

“Spin me, Daddy,” Gus begged suddenly appearing beside them and pulling on the leg of Brian’s jeans.

Brian gave Justin a quick kiss on the lips and then set him down. “Your turn, Sonny Boy.” He took Gus’ arms and spun around lifting Gus off the ground. The little boy giggled and yelled for more. After several spins Brian set Gus down gently.

“More, Daddy,” Gus pleaded.

“I’m getting dizzy,” Brian laughed.

“More.”

“How about if I spin you, Gus?” Justin asked.

Gus looked up at Justin studying his face. “You really made my sketch?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, spin me.”

Justin grinned as he took hold of Gus’ wrists and began to spin the boy. He laughed and giggled just like he had when Brian had spun him around. That made Justin feel really good for some reason.

When Justin started to feel a little dizzy himself, he slowed and let Gus gain his footing.

“Thanks, Justin,” Gus grinned.

“You’re very welcome.”

“Time to go home, Sonny Boy,” Brian said.

“’Kay, Daddy.” Gus held up his hands so that Brian could take one and Justin the other.

“Can I see your sketch when we get to the house?” Brian asked. Justin beamed at him.

“Sure, Daddy. It’s hanging in my room.”

Justin looked at Brian. “You never noticed it?” he asked, rather disappointed that the sketch had made no impact on Brian. Justin had thought it was one of his best ones.

“Daddy never comes to my room. We always go out,” Gus said. “Or we play downstairs or in the backyard.”

“I see,” Justin said glancing over at Brian who shrugged. Justin thought there had been far too many of those shrugs of resignation that he had witnessed.

When they returned to the house, Gus took Brian’s hand and pulled him towards the stairs. “Come see my sketch, Daddy. You come too, Justin.” The two men went upstairs with the little boy.

Justin was interested to see the sketch once again. It was hanging on the wall where Gus could easily see it from his bed.

“I see it first thing every morning,” Gus informed them.

“That’s good, Gus,” Brian whispered as he stared at the image of his friend and his son. It was beautifully done. “I think I might like to look at those sketchbooks of yours, Sunshine.”

Justin smiled warmly. “I’ll be sure to dig them out.”

“Can you draw me now?” Gus asked after a moment.

“I think that could be arranged,” Justin replied.

“When?”

“How about when we visit next time?” Justin proposed. He stressed the “we” to see what Brian’s reaction would be.

“That sounds like a fine idea,” Brian said and Gus nodded in agreement. Justin was rather pleased that he seemed to be invited for the next visit.

“Let’s go downstairs and see if Mommy has some milk and cookies for you,” Brian suggested.

“For you too, Daddy.”

Brian snorted, but smiled at his son. Justin slipped his hand into Brian’s as they followed Gus down the stairs.

“Would you like tea or coffee?” Lindsay asked as they came into the living room.

“Coffee for me,” Brian said and Justin nodded that he’d have the same. They sat down while Lindsay poured the coffee. She poured tea for herself and Melanie. Gus got a cookie off the plate before Melanie passed them around. Justin took one when Melanie held the plate before him. Brian refused.

“You could use some meat on your bones,” Melanie said rather caustically.

“My bones are just fine,” Brian retorted.

“Don’t start, you two,” Lindsay warned.

“Abe, wipe your mouth,” Melanie advised holding a paper napkin out to her son.

“I’m Gus, Mama,” he replied.

Melanie heaved a sigh. “It seems that you’re all conspiring against me about his name.”

“It’s the name he wants,” Lindsay said pleasantly.

“He wouldn’t know anything other than Abe if you all wouldn’t call him Gus.”

“I like Gus, Mama,” the boy piped up.

“I know,” Melanie replied eyeing them all suspiciously.

“Anyway,” Lindsay said, looking at Justin. “Are you keeping up with your art?”

“I’m working at Kinnetik as a graphic artist,” Justin explained.

“Oh? Is that how you two met?” Lindsay asked, fishing for information about how Justin came to be in their home with Brian.

“Sort of,” Brian said evading a direct answer.

“Did you go to art school?” Lindsay asked Justin.

“He went to fucking Dartmouth,” Brian snorted.

“Dartmouth?”

“I thought maybe you’d get into PIFA.”

“I did get in, but I decided not to go,” Justin explained. “Dartmouth was where my father wanted me to go. I took art courses there along with business courses.”

“Did you paint?” Lindsay asked.

“Some for classes, but I went through a rough patch where I painted my heart out afterwards.”

“I’d love to see what you produced.”

“They’re all in storage,” Justin said. “It’s quite a few.”

“Do you think we could have a look sometime soon?” Lindsay continued.

“I guess so,” Justin said hoping Lindsay would forget about the paintings before he needed to do anything about it. He wasn’t sure he wanted anybody to see the canvases. They were his pain and sadness, not meant for public viewing. Maybe some of the later ones where he was coming out of his funk would be okay for her to see.

“I’m always looking for young artists for the Sidney Bloom Gallery where I work. I know you’re talented.

Justin wrinkled his nose. He liked to be told that, but he still wasn’t sure about showing his paintings to Lindsay.

“Well, we better get going,” Brian said.

“Come visit me tomorrow, Daddy?” Gus begged. “Pleeeeease.”

“I…”

“Please, Daddy.”

“We’ll be here, Gus,” Justin said as he stood to follow Brian out.

Brian scooped up his son and gave him a loud kiss on the cheek, making Gus giggle. “See you tomorrow, Sonny Boy,” he whispered.

“You too, Justin?” Gus asked.

“I’ll be here.”

Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 25





Two months later the whole gang was assembled in the backyard of the Munchers for Gus’ fifth birthday. Everyone was there for the little boy who was as bright and shiny as a new penny. He was running around talking to all his guests.

“See what my Daddy gave me,” Gus bragged. He was wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates outfit complete with cap, glove, bat and ball. “Catch, Justin,” he called as he tossed the ball to Justin.

Justin caught it easily and smiled at the little boy. Since that first visit to the Munchers’, Brian and Justin had been back many times. Gus (and that was the name that everybody called him by now, even Melanie, albeit grudgingly) was thriving under the tutelage of his father and Justin. It gave his life a more balanced frame of reference. Melanie and Lindsay seemed to have accepted Brian as part of their family largely due to Justin’s good influence on the man. Brian seemed to have mellowed, and no one could deny the pleasure he derived from spending time with his son.

Justin tossed the ball back and Gus was able to catch it. That earned him a round of applause from everyone there.

“Catch, Daddy,” Gus yelled as he threw the ball at his father. Brian reached up and snagged the ball as it headed towards the window of the house off to Brian’s right. There was a collective sigh of relief, and Brian smirked annoyingly, glorying in his ability to catch the ball.

“Throw to me, Daddy,” Gus commanded and Brian obliged.

Once again Gus was able to catch the ball and he held it up proudly.

“Okay, lambskin, that’s enough for now. Time for cake,” Lindsay said to her son.

“’Kay, Mommy.” Gus ran over to his mothers.

Melanie started cutting the cake and Debbie helped her load it onto plates. Lindsay started handing it out. Justin took a big piece while Brian declined the offered cake.

“It’s your son’s birthday cake,” Lindsay scolded. “At least have a bite.”

Brian made a face but he took the plate of cake. He used the plastic fork to take a bite. He looked down as he licked the icing off his lips. Gus was standing at the bottom of the steps looking up at him.

“Do you like my cake, Daddy?” he asked.

“Yummy,” Brian deadpanned.

Gus giggled. “Chocolate is my favorite.”

“My mother would say that chocolate chocolate chip was mine,” Brian said.

“That sounds real good,” Gus replied.

Brian couldn’t help but wonder what his mother would think if she knew he had a son, and a great son to boot. Then he shook himself and realized that Joan would never find out about Gus if he had anything to do with it.

“Thanks for my sketch, Justin,” Gus said.

Justin had drawn a sketch of Gus swinging on the swings at the park with Brian pushing him. That had been his birthday gift to Gus. Lindsay had promised to hang it in Gus’ room next to the sketch of her and Gus as a baby. “I’m glad you like it,” Justin said with a smile.

“I love it,” Gus told him. “Take another bite, Daddy,” he commanded and Brian obliged.

Justin moved over to the steps and sat down to eat his cake. Brian was alternating bites of his cake with Gus. That way he only had to eat half as much. Justin smiled at the two of them.

“How are things going with Brian?” Lindsay asked as she joined Justin on the steps.

“Great,” Justin said as he munched on a big bite of cake. “Good cake.”

“Thanks. Justin, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Is this really serious between you and Brian?”

“I’m living with him,” Justin replied.

“I know, and I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Neither did he,” Justin laughed.

“You … you really love him?” she asked with a wrinkled forehead and a wary look.

“I really love him, and what’s more amazing, he loves me.”

“You’re sure?”

“Lindsay, where is this coming from?”

“I … I just worry.”

“For who?” Justin asked pointedly. In the relatively short time that he had known Brian and his weird extended family, he had learned that many of them had hidden agendas where Brian Kinney was concerned. Lindsay was the worst of them.

“I … I don’t know what you mean,” Lindsay protested. “I worry about Brian.”

“Sure,” Justin said prepared to drop the subject if she was.

“I’ve arranged for Sidney to visit your studio, day after tomorrow, if that’s all right,” she said, changing the subject.

“Yeah, that will be fine.”

“Be sure to show him the paintings I helped you pick out.”

Justin looked at Lindsay. He couldn’t believe she was helping him with his art. She said she was blown away by all the stuff he had stored from his painting binge at Dartmouth. She had helped him to find a cheap studio space not too far from Liberty Avenue. He had started painting again, and he was really enjoying it. The Sidney Bloom Gallery was having an ‘Emerging Artists” show and he was being considered … on Lindsay’s recommendation.

“He can see anything I have,” Justin said.

“But … don’t you want to impress him?”

“Lindsay, I don’t think I’m the world’s greatest artist. I love painting and sketching, and if the paintings sell that’s great. But my job is at Kinnetik. I love being a graphic artist and working with Brian.”

Lindsay sighed. If she had Justin’s talent, she would be going after big time art exhibitions. She found it hard to believe that Justin was satisfied with his job at Kinnetik. “Whatever you say, Justin. It’s your life.” She walked away.

“That’s right, it is,” Justin muttered as he stuffed the last bite of cake into his mouth. And he liked his life just fine.

“How are you doing, Sunshine?” Debbie asked as she came over to Justin.

“Fine, Deb. Pull up a step.”

Debbie sat down beside him, taking Lindsay’s spot. She took a bite of her cake. “There’s more cake if you want it,” she advised him.

“Maybe later.”

“Everything okay between you and Brian?”

Justin sighed. They all thought his relationship with Brian was going to fail. In fact they all seemed to be waiting for it to happen any minute. “Well, to quote Emmett, ‘Fuck ‘em all!’” Justin turned to look into Debbie’s eyes. “We’re fine. Everything is just fine.”

“I can’t believe that Brian Asshole Kinney has been in a relationship for two months.”

“Actually it’s closer to three,” Justin said.

“Usually a couple of hours constituted the length of one of his relationships, if you could even call them that, and he certainly never wanted them called that.”

“Deb, don’t! I don’t want to hear Brian bad mouthed.”

“Just take care of yourself, Sunshine.”

“I am, and Brian takes care of me too. Oh, and Deb, I take care of him as well.”

Debbie snorted and walked away.



*****



“Hey, Brian,” Michael said as he walked over to his friend.

“Mikey.”

“How’s things?”

“You mean how are Justin and I doing?”

“Yeah.”

“We’re just peachy.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m serious. Justin and I are fine. The business is great. Things are just fucking wonderful.”

“I heard you nabbed Brown Athletics and Remsen Pharmaceuticals,” Michael said.

“Theodore has a big mouth.”

“Congratulations. You’re a big fat, fucking success just like you always knew you’d be.”

“I was always a success, Mikey, whether people knew it or not.”

“Yeah, right! Ted told me that Ryder got bought out.”

Brian snorted. “Yeah, some asshole named Gardner Vance was stupid enough to buy that piss poor agency. Good luck to him.”

“Sounds like everything is going your way,” Michael observed.

“Couldn’t be better.”

“I’m happy for you, Brian.”

“Thanks, Mikey.” Brian pulled his old friend into a hug and kissed his lips lightly. “You and Ben okay?”

“We’re great.”

“That’s good,” Brian said before walking away to join Justin.

“You been getting the third degree?” Justin asked as Brian sat down on the step beside him.

“Yeah. You?”

“Same.”

“I think it’s time to say our goodbyes and go back to the loft.”

“My sentiments exactly,” Justin agreed with a smile. “I can only take this group in small doses.”

“We have a command performance at Debbie’s for dinner next week.”

“Okay.”

“You’re agreeable.”

“What’s the use of fighting it?” Justin chuckled.

“There is no use. They’re like the Borg.”

“Let’s wish Gus a happy birthday and then we can go.”

Justin and Brian walked over to where Gus was eating his cake.

“We’re going to head out,” Brian said to Lindsay who was sitting beside her son.

“Can I go to your place next Saturday?” Gus asked.

Brian looked at Lindsay who nodded. “Sounds like a plan, Sonny Boy.”

“And if you would like to keep your son overnight, I think that could be arranged,” Lindsay informed Brian.

“Could I, Daddy?” Gus asked with a big smile and the batting of eyelashes.

Brian looked at Melanie who gave a curt nod to signal her agreement. Brian had to wonder how Lindsay had talked her into that one. He then looked at Justin whose wide grin indicated that having Gus stay overnight was fine with him.

“Pack your jammies,” Brian said to Gus who dropped his plate and threw himself at his father. Brian grabbed him and hoisted him into his arms, kissing Gus’ cheek as the boy held onto him tightly around the neck.

“Thank you, Daddy,” he whispered into Brian’s ears.

“It will be fun to have you stay with us, Sonny Boy,” Brian whispered back.

Gus kissed all over Brian’s face making them both laugh. Finally Brian set Gus down and he and Justin headed for the loft. Brian knew that the family tongues would be wagging about the Brian and Justin show. They always had plenty to talk about where Brian was concerned and now Justin was a big part of that gossip.



*****



“Thank you for wanting Gus to stay with us next weekend,” Brian said as they entered the loft. He slid the door closed and locked it.

“You don’t have to thank me. I love Gus.”

“He loves you too, and … I really like being his father.”

“You mean you love being his father, you adore being his father, you can’t get enough of being his father.” Justin pulled Brian against him and whispered all this, as he kissed along Brian’s jawline and down his neck. He ended with a passionate kiss to Brian’s lips.

“You could be right,” Brian smirked.

“You know I’m right.”

“I … Justin … I can’t believe how much you’ve changed my life,” Brian whispered finding it hard to say what he wanted to tell the young man.

“I hope it was changed for the better,” Justin chuckled trying to keep the tone light. He had learned early on that emotion was a tricky thing for Brian to deal with. He linked his hands together behind Brian’s neck and held on, looking into Brian’s beautiful eyes.

“Of course it was, twat,” Brian scolded, but there was no anger in his voice, only love.

“Just checking.”

“You ready for a little sack time?”

“It’s four in the afternoon,” Justin giggled, knowing the giggle would go straight to the desired part of Brian’s body.

“That’s never stopped you before.”

“Or you,” Justin said with another giggle.

“Get out of those clothes, mister,” Brian ordered feeling his jeans suddenly get rather tight around the crotch.

“I’d much rather have you peel them off me,” Justin whispered.

“Or rip them off.”

Justin shrugged. “Suit yourself. I’m just your bottom boy.”

“You’re much more than that,” Brian whispered before capturing Justin’s lips in a heated kiss. He shoved up the T-shirt Justin was wearing, his hands roaming over Justin’s bare back as he did so. He loved the feel of Justin’s skin beneath his fingers. He broke the kiss long enough to pull the shirt over Justin’s head.

“Ah, peeling. I like that.”

“Better than ripping?”

“Ripping has its good qualities too, but it tends to be expensive,” Justin giggled.

“You can afford it now that you’re no longer working in that fucking diner.”

“You do pay your employees passably,” Justin mused.

“And there are some side benefits,” Brian reminded him taking a sharp tug on one of Justin’s nipples.

“Ah,” Justin gasped. “Yeah, actually some excellent ones.”

Brian started walking Justin backwards towards the steps up to the bedroom.

“Mm,” Justin moaned as Brian continued to kiss and nip and peel away clothes. “I love you, Brian.”

“I know.”

“Could you say it just one more time?”

“I love you too,” Brian whispered as he shoved Justin back onto the bed. He got rid of his remaining clothes and climbed atop the young man. He held Justin’s face in his hands for a moment. “So beautiful,” he whispered.

“Not as beautiful as you,” Justin replied as he felt Brian rut against him. The sensation of their naked bodies touching everywhere always filled Justin’s senses to a degree he could hardly stand. He felt his eyes cloud with tears.

“What is it?” Brian asked.

“I … I have everything I could ever ask for. It just overwhelms me sometimes.”

“Same for me,” Brian replied. “Are we going to screw this up?” he asked after a second.

“I won’t if you won’t.”

“I don’t know if that’s possible to promise,” Brian sighed.

“We’ll help each other and tell each other when something’s wrong,” Justin instructed.

“I’ll try, but this communication thing is new to me.”

“I know,” Justin giggled.

Brian arched a brow. “I’m trying.”

“And succeeding,” Justin told him, wanting to make Brian feel better about how things were progressing between them. “Now, fuck me, before I explode.”

“Now that’s communication!” Brian laughed as he proceeded to do just that.



*****



After they both came with earth shattering orgasms, and the world settled back into its normal rotation and the sun, moon and stars found their rightful place in the universe, Brian turned to look at his beautiful lover.

“Can we keep doing this?” he asked.

“I don’t see why not,” Justin replied seriously.

That earned him a smile from Brian. “You are something else, Justin Taylor.”

“Don’t you mean I’m hot and intelligent and artistic and … hot?”

“That’s exactly what I meant,” Brian chuckled.

Justin smiled and Brian felt his heart melt. Then Justin looked over at his sketch of Brian’s eyes. “What do you think would have happened if I had gone with you that night on Liberty?” Justin asked thoughtfully.

Brian considered his answer for a moment. “I’d have fucked your ass off and sent you packing like any other trick,” he answered honestly.

Justin giggled and that giggle went straight to Brian’s cock as it always did. “No,” Justin said in mock horror. “I don’t believe that for a second. I’m way too special.”

“Not back then. I was the classic selfish asshole and you were a just a twink. What the fuck would I have done with an inexperienced little twink?”

“Love him,” Justin suggested with a bat of his eyelashes.

“Naw, I’d much rather love you.”

Justin giggled uncontrollably until Brian couldn’t stand it any longer and fucked him into the next county. They both knew that their second meeting had come at just the right time. Nothing could be better than what they had now.