MAY 2006

"Oh fucking hell! This is the 5th time this month"

Justin Taylor cautiously pushed the door inward to his room on the 6th floor to his building. The medium sized room was not completely ramsacked, but it had been clear, by the open drawers, the messed up closets and shear clutter all over the floor that somebody had had a good rout around for anything valuable to steal.

The girl with him pulled a hand through her curly hair and looked about the clutter and back to Justin who started to hang some shirts back into the closet.

"Why not find someplace else?"

"I would if I could Lisa...but you know how it is, I can't afford it with the money I make working at that bar...I think I might be living on tips alone if it wasn't for my salary going on the rent"

Lisa laughed as she helped him clear up, "Yeah...but you must get alot of those...with that smile in all"

Justin laughed and closed up the closet, "You still working on that piece for the gallery?"

Lisa shook her head as she sat on Justin's bed, "No...free night...and it's a Friday", she sang with a twinkle in her eye.

Justin found her zest for the clubs infectious. It was like a candy-store for her, a forbidden one where you couldn't eat or touch anything. The men were hot...but not hot for was also his only true friend in New York. She was an artist too but was doing abit better than him.

Justin quickly changed his T-Shirt and said, "I guess we can throw a burger down our necks and then head off to ZZens"

Lisa jumped to her feet, "Ohhh the new place...sounds great..."

Justin grabbed her hand and thery were on their way down the fire escape, "Okay...but you don't go all weird on me when you and stare at all the lights"

Lisa chuckled as she tried to keep up with him, "It's inspiration for next piece...a rainbow of color"

They reached the sidewalk at the base of the stairwell and he looked at her, "Hey are you sure Jamie doesn't mind you coming out with me on a Friday night AGAIN..."

Justin flagged down a cab, "Jamie is studying...Jamie has his nose in a book ALL the time...Jamie is..."

"...Boring?", asked Justin with a hint of cheeky grin.

Lisa laughed out loud as a cab pulled up and they jumped in the back.

QAF

ZZens nightclub maybe new in town, but it didn't disappoint. It rocked. The music, the atmosphere, the guys, the lights, the go-go dancers in their jockstraps and the gantries on three levels with guys, guys and yet more guys.

Lisa's eyes, as usual, were on stalks. But she so loved the electric atmosphere of a gay nightclub, it makes straights one's appear grey and dull.

Justin had his backside pinched more than once as he skipped across the busy dancing area from the back bar. Two beers were in his tight grasp.

His teeth blinded her as he smiled and handed her one of the bottles.

"I'm so drunk!", she laughed and hiccuped.

Justin took a long swig of his beer and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "You and me both, honey"

Lisa marvelled around her, "this place maybe new...but it must be THE BEST place to be around the Village"

"I second that", Justin yelled over the music. A woft of poppers hit his face.

"He's HOT!", Lisa pointed to a twentysomething guy leaning over the first gantry in a tight leather vest.

Justin pulled a face at the way the guy slicked back his hair, that hid a scar on his cheek, "he's so not"

Lisa shrugged at him, "I think he is...he looks...what's the word?"

"dangerous?"

Lisa laughed, "Compared to my Jamie I guess so...O.M.G the excitement, I can't cope!"

Justin turned and closed his eyes moving to the beat, "If you like him, go get him...he might even be Bi"

"I've gotta guy!"

Justin smiled, "So do I"

"Mines not hundreds of miles away..."

Justin opened his eyes, "No he's not...but I bet you wish he was..."

His eyes fell on the guy that had just came to the forthfront of the dancing. Young, hair slightly slicked back, but not as bad as the scar guy earlier. Justin was instantly drawn to the bulge in the tight skinny jeans. And those pecs in that T-Shirt.

Lisa landed her hand on his shoulder, "So...looks like YOU have pulled"

Justin shook his head, "I'm not interested"

"HE IS!"

The guy held Justin's gaze until Justin broke it and turned to look at Lisa, "I think we should go"

Lisa glanced at her watch, "But it's not even 1 am"

Justin yawned, "I'm tired...I feel like I just want to lay my head down"

Lisa downed her beer, "Great...wasn't you tired LAST week too?"

Justin swallowed and shook his head, "It's nothing for sure"

She grabbed his hand, "Come on...and there I was saying earlier that Jamie was MR. Boring"

Both were feeling all sweaty. Justin shot a final glance at the guy who smiled at him and danced back with his group, he then followed Lisa to the exit and into the cool night air outside.

QAF

The cab dropped off Justin in the East Village. Lisa waved, "I'll call you tomorrow"

Justin waved back as the yellow cab pulled away into the traffic. He turned and looked up to his building across the street, a siren whined in the distance.

He crossed the street and walked up the fire escape steps two at a time.

When he got in, he had a message on his land-line voicemail. He pressed play as he sat down and tore off his sweaty T-Shirt.

"This is a message for Justin Taylor...could you please call the Hanston gallery on 45th our number is 555 33 6052 and ask for Terrence Lee...I think I have a buyer for you..."

Justin was open mouthed and beaming a smile.

QAF

Justin was bouncing his way up the street with Lisa in tow, "I can't believe they agreed to display it, let alone you getting a buyer for it"

"Isn't it great?"

Lisa laughed and hugged him in mid walk, "You deserve it...I must say on a critical note, that piece is not your best, but hey...it's a start"

Justin straightened his shirt, "Do I look okay?"

"You look like you always do...arty"

"I don't want to be arty, I want to be the creator of a masterpiece"

"Then arty it is", she laughed.

He grabbed her arms, "Hey we should go celebrate...It's saturday...Xanders has a drag night"

"I LOVE drag"

"I know...will Jamie let you come out?"

Lisa sucked in her cheeks, "Ohhhh I don't know...I might be pushing it"

"While I'm in there negotiating an amazing price for my work...you go call him and ask...no just TELL him!"

She laughed as he skipped up the steps of the gallery as she put her cell phone to her ear.

QAF

The music at Xanders nightclub was loud. Justin's tight T-shirt cut into him as he moved to the beat. He had sold a painting. It was his first and he felt proud of himself, like all these months in New York were at last worth it, as he worked in his little studio.

He worked up a thirst and went to the bar as the beat changed. Lisa was there talking to that guy. The dancing guy from the night before.

She pointed towards him as he approached, "Justin...this is Callum from last night"

Justin met his eyes, "Hi"

Callum broke into the widest of grins, "Way-hey, Hiya Blondie...buy you a beer?"

Justin nodded, "Nah, I can buy my own"

Lisa sucked her pink cocktail, "he's just got me a cocksucking cowboy"

Justin raised his eyebrows, "sounds interesting!"

"So'ha...I was gonna come over and chat you up last night...but...you looked kinda in a hurry"

"Yeah?"

Lisa turned, "Callum works out...he's just told me about this gym he's joined in east Village...I can't believe what goes on in there!"

Callum winked at him.

Justin blew out a laugh, "I can imagine"

The bartender served him his drink. Callum rested a hand over Justin's shoulder and leaned in, "Your friend tells me you're an artist"

Justin shook his head.

"Do you do nudes?"

Justin met his eyes...you could lose yourself in them, "It's not my style"

"Do you wanna do me?"

Lisa suddenly felt like a gooseberry, "Crikey guys look at the time! Jamie is gonna so kill me if I'm not back by 11...we've got Sunday lunch at his Moms"

Justin turned to her as the lights strobed their faces, "You gonna go NOW?"

Lisa smiled, "sure I am...You've done really well today...you should stay and celebrate some more...I'll call you"

She kissed him on the cheek and she was off into the dancing crowd fighting her way to the exit. Callum leaned on the bar, "So...just YOU and ME"

Justin relaxed, "look if you wanna go fuck we can fuck"

Callum laughed, "crikey, you're kinda forward"

"It's why you here, isn't it?"

Callum leaned in and was close to his face, "I was hoping for kinda MORE than that"

Justin shrugged, "suit yourself...but it's just a fuck up for grabs...I don't DO boyfriends"

Callum nodded and grinned, "Ohhh right...so you've got someone back home..."

Justin nodded as he looked to the dancing, "Yeah...we've got these kinda rules...I won't break them...nor will he"

Callum suddenly stroked Justin's cheek, "Rules are meant to be broken"

Justin was held by his gaze as he leaned in for a kiss...Justin pulled away and shook his head, "Look if you wanna fuck we fuck...anything else is not on offer"

Callum looked cheekily disappointed and leaned on the bar with his bottle of beer, "I can wait...I love to play the long game anyway"

Justin ran a hand through his blond hair and thumbed into the direction of the crowd, "I'm off to dance...coming?"

"I'll give it a month"

"For what?"

"before I kiss you"

And with that Callum downed his beer in one gulp and was off. Justin watched him go and turned to look away. Damn that guy was hot.

QAF

Justin walked out into the cool night air. The club was getting further away when his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and beamed a smile at the caller display.

Mr Kinney calling...

He put the phone to his ear and spoke, "Hi...I was just heading home"

"You been out and getting laid you dirty little shit", Brian said with wit in his tone.

"Yeah, I've been out celebrating"

"Celebrating? For what?"

There was excitment in his tone, "I've only gone and sold a painting...I mean it wasn't my best but somebody wants it on their wall"

"Good for you! Did you get what you wanted for it?"

Justin sighed as he strolled up the street, "Not bad...there wasn't as many zeros as I thought but hey, it's a start"

"and so you've been out and getting a celebratial fuck"

Justin laughed, "there was somebody...but he didn't want to play to the rules so I walked"

"Glad to hear you still playing by them"

Justin changed the subject, "Brian are you still coming up? Next weekend?"

There was a pause.

"Brian...?"

"Can't make it sunshine...I've gotta work...a really important client"

"Work huh?"

"Yeah...why? Do you honestly think I'm just using it as an excuse to go out and fuck"

"Well are you?"

"No...I've gotta work..."

Justin was now very disappointed, "Yeah whatever"

"I'm sorry"

"As I said...whatever..."

His cab pulled up.

"I've gotta go..."

"Justin stop being a little brat...you know how I feel"

"Yeah I do... NOTHING", Justin hung up and jumped in the cab.

"Where too?" asked the cab driver turning in his seat.

Justin looked at the display on his cell. He felt so gutted that Brian wasn't gonna show up at the weekend. Twice he had done it.

Well FUCK HIM.

"Hmmmm...I've changed my mind...the night is still too young to go home..."

And he jumped out and hurried off back towards the nightclub.

Actions

MAY 2006

At the gallery, Justin Taylor was waiting for the art curator to come out with his check. He dug his hands into his jeans pockets, and stared and admired various other art pieces on the wall.

Then, somebody was standing behind him and spoke.

"I heard you are good..."

Justin turned and saw Callum standing there with a stupid grin on his face, "Yeah...so I'm told"

Callum looked about the gallery, "Do you think one day you will famous?"

Justin laughed, "Yeah...like so many an artist...when i'm dead"

Callum nodded and looked at him carefully watching his reactions, "When I was talking to your friend the other night...and SHE told me you were gonna be here by the way...she said that you used to do art-work for a comic book"

Justin's grin widened, "Yeah...but we all need to grow up...I'm focusing on the more serious now"

Callum shook his head and both of them looked about them and not at eachother until Callum turned around and faced him head on, "Do you want to come out with me?"

Justin tried not to look at him as he pulled on his shirtsleeves, "Where too?"

"Anywhere of your choosing..."

Before Justin could answer, the curator came down the polished steps and was heading right towards him with a piece of paper in his grasp.

"Here we go Mr Taylor...payment as promised...LESS the fee of having it displayed here might I add..."

Justin took the check and scrutinized it, "how much!"

"The piece was up for several weeks"

Justin tried to look grateful for the peanuts amount he received, "That's just well...great...thank you"

The curator could detect a little bit of sarcasim in the boy's tone of voice, "Yeas, well...you know where to come if you've got something else..."

Callum watched the curator go and turned back to Justin, "the check sucks huh?"

Justin shook his head and was already heading towards the exit, "I could earn more on a months tips at the bar, believe me"

Callum followed him out the doors, and once they were outside in the brilliant New york sunshine, he said, "Look...you still could celebrate...you made a sell? Or...you can come out and use it as an excuse to commiserate"

Callum was now sporting a cool pair of sunshades.

Justin looked at him and folded the check in his back pocket, "why not...meet you at Zzens around 9"

"It's a date"

Justin shook his head and walked down the steps to the street as Callum deliberately admired his tight little ass.

QAF

Justin made it to the club on time. Callum was already there and waiting up at the bar. A bottle of beer was waiting.

"love the vest, blondie", said Callum.

Justin shrugged, "You know how it is, I just threw this on"

The music was loud and upbeat. Callum was already working up a sweat and raffled Justin's hair, "Your hair is so enticingly touchable"

Justin shook his head.

They both stood at the bar watching the club revel in the mood, "So... you're are with someone?"

Justin was quick, "yeah, I'm standing here with you"

Callum shook his head, "You know what I mean"

Justin didn't look at him as he spoke, "Yeah...he's back home in Pittsburgh"

Callum moved closer to him, Justin could smell his aftershave...he smells like Brian.

"That's good"

Justin frowned at him, "for who?"

Callum broke into a pleasing smile, "For me..."

Justin was trapped in the gaze, but he shook his head, "You know how it is...I told you...one fuck and that's it"

Callum shrugged at him, and then dug down deep into the pocket of his tight leather trousers and pulled out a couple of white looking tablets.

"You tried speed?"

Justin saw the tablets in the palm of Callum's hand, "Not that..."

Callum laughed at him, "You really need to loosen up"

Justin was adament, "I just stick with the beers thanks...and anyway I can't make it too late, I'm kinda tired"

Callum took the advantage, "all the more for you to take this...it'll give you a real booster...and a nice buzz"

Brian's voice was in his head, if you're ever offered drugs make sure they're fucking safe to take...

"Are they safe?"

Callum popped one his mouth. Justin took the other one from his palm and then put it into his mouth...and swallowed.

QAF

Justin had the headache from hell. He lifted his head from the pillow not really remembering much from the night before.

Did he fuck on a subway train?

Justin knew he had been fucked because he could feel it. He grabbed his towel and grabbed a hot shower.

The running water over him made him feel a whole lot better. He held his face up to the stream of water and then lathered up and cleaned himself over.

He dropped the soap. He reached down, but he couldn't get grip of it. He managed to grab hold, but it feel from his grasp.

Fuck.

He looked at his hand and balled his fingers into a tight fist, he then splayed his fingers outward and then reached for the soap with his other hand.

QAF

Central Park was hot, hot, hot and that was just the guys. Justin strolled beside Lisa sporting a pair of dark sunshades to see off his hangover.

"and you took them?"

Justin was on the defensive, "Yeah...I was tired and he said that it'll give me a boost and it did...I danced all night"

"And then?"

Justin tried to think.

Their was a flash of an image in his mind of him in a subway car and Callum's hot breathe landing on the back of his neck.

"I think we fucked"

Lisa's eyes bolted, "you THINK?"

Justin walked ahead of her, "it's all a blur...with the drink and the drugs"

Lisa caught up with him, "I think Callum is a creep"

Justin swung around, "why do you? Why be so judgemental...just because he gave me speed, it doesn't make him a creep"

"I'm not talking about that, Justin, I talking about you and him fucking...you said it's all a blur...how do you know it was safe? How do you know if you said yes"

Justin paused, but skirted around it, "I wouldn't have said no"

"I still think he's a creep"

Justin was mad, "at least he's here! More than Brian makes the effort to...at least he's giving me some attention...Brian's always..."

"Working?"

Justin lifted his shades, "...yeah and the rest...oh I don't know...just lately I've been thinking differently"

Lisa sat on the grass and Justin knelt down.

"differently how?"

Justin shrugged, "maybe it's because he's..."

"always working?"

"...old"

He felt strangle for saying it. For always he and Brian would laugh and joke about their age gap...it was a good humored source of banter between them. But now, it just felt not funny to think about.

Lisa leaned up and gave an honest opinion, "What do you expect? He's 35, you are 23...you are just starting your career, he is already working his...you're here in New York...he's back home in Pittsburgh...you and him are at different stages in your life"

Justin averted his eyes away from her and looked towards the ice-cream seller.

"Want an ice-cream?"

Lisa had to smile as Justin leaped up to go buy them, knowing it was his not so subtle hint that the topic of conversation was over.

XXx

MAY 2006

It was getting dark as Justin climbed up the fire escape of his building and entered his room. Once inside he locked the door and turned to see a cigarette glow on the otherside of the room and the woft of smoke came his way.

"Fuck, who the hell..."

"If I could find the light switch, I would have prepared your carpet slippers"

Justin grinned at the voice. He rushed over and jumped into a hold with the imposter.

"Brian!"

Brian leaned in and met him for a kiss. Justin then pulled away and went scrambling into the gloomy corner where Brian could hear the rattle of coins, then there was the sound of a coin in a slot and the place was immediately illuminated.

Brian was standing there in a pair of jeans and a dark shirt. A holdal bag was beside him.

"It's good to see you!", cried Justin grinning again.

Brian tore away his gaze for him and looked about the room and turned around in a circle on the spot.

"Wow...what a fucking dump"

Justin was somewhat put out, "It's better than it looks"

Brian very much doubted that, "How's that exactly?"

Justin moved back to him and Brian put his arms around him, "How come you're here, I thought you were busy?"

Brian smiled as he stroked Justin's hair, "I did some re-scheduling so I could see you"

Justin felt bad. The last time they spoke he had hung up on him.

"Sorry I pissed you off"

Brian was too forgiving, "It's okay...I have a habit of breaking promises...I was a dick"

Justin leaned in and they kissed again. The kiss intensified and Brian lifted Justin off his feet and swung him around to the bed opposite and they crashed onto it lips locked.

Brian removed Justin's top and started to kiss his neck in a line toward his pierced nipple then bit it making the boy jolt in excitement.

The older guy removed his shirt and then pulled Justin into a french kiss. The bed springs jolted as Justin rolled over in a spin and Brian pinned his weight down onto him and licked the shell of Justin's ear.

"Fuck me...fuck me", the boy moaned.

Brian managed to pulled off his jeans and boxer-shorts and then fiddled about with a condom.

Once on, Brian entered Justin's tight ass and pounded him till the bed springs gave way completely and the bedstead was half on the floor. Justin turned around and Brian grabbed his legs and then thrusted him till the boy yelled in excitement. Justin opened his eyes and saw Brian breathing hard as he fucked him hard, his hair in his face beads of sweat rolling down his forehead.

Justin revelled on a high as Brian climaxed. The older man then crashed onto his back panting beside him, but Justin wasn't finished, he leapt up and jumped on him with his knees on either side of Brian's hips and licked his lip at him.

"Again..."

Brian swallowed, "Easy tiger let me get my breathe back"

Justin laughed, "I remember a time when you used to fuck me twice over"

Brian looked at him and put on a brave face, "I still could...but I have travelled all day to get here remember"

"On a two hour flight! That's a big deal"

Brian laughed it off and leaned up and kissed him, he then manouvered Justin to his side so the blonde was on his back and Brian looked down at him stroking his cheek, "Maybe later"

The older guy rolled back and closed his eyes. Justin looked down at him sadly and stroked Brian's back.

The next thing Brian knew was the sound of Justin clanging about with a saucepan. He opened one eye and watched the boy pad around naked and barefoot too and throu rumaging in closets.

"What are you up too?"

Justin sprang on a cheesy smile as he turned to look back at Brian resting his head on his elbow lighting a cigarette.

"I was trying to fix you something to eat...you must be hungrey...I've only got beans in"

Brian flashed a smile, "If you want me to blow wind at you in the wrong way, you go feed me"

Justin pulled a face and dumped the pan in the sink. He then looked at the bed, "Jesus the bed...the landlord is gonna freak!"

Brian shrugged that off with a wave of the hand, "I'll buy you a new one"

Justin came forward, "that's not the point..."

"Besides...", Brian said reaching for the ashtray on the bedside unit, "...you could've bought a whole new one yourself, if you had bothered to cash the fucking checks I sent you"

Justin shook his head, "I don't want to be a kept boy I told you that...besides I like to make it out on my own"

With his cigarette in his mouth, Brian rolled off the bed and pulled on his boxer shorts, he then reached for his jeans.

"Where are you going?"

Brian slid into his shirt, "I'm hungrey, and as how much I love your home cooking in the past, I'm not eating those stinking beans so lets eat out"

Justin was up for that, he couldn't remember how long ago he ate out other than in a burger place with Lisa sometimes.

"Sounds great"

Justin pulled on his underware and jeans and then reached for a shirt in the closet, he slid into it and tried to fasten up the buttons, his fingers didn't respond, he tried again putting his back to Brian who was facing the mirror running his hand through his hair.

Justin couldn't manage the buttons so he tore it off and pulled a T shirt.

"You going out like that?"

Justin looked down at himself, "Yeah...I look okay, don't I?"

Brian smiled and came over and lifted Justin's chin and kissed him, "You always look...fuckable"

"romantic",breathed Justin pulling out of the embrace, "lets go"

QAF

The nightclub was packed to the rafters with sexy guys. Brian could smell the stench of aftershave, sweat, guys, guys and more guys. Whatever city you were in, the clubs were always the same, familiar.

Justin was up at the bar waiting to get served. Brian leaned back on a railing looking down to the dancefloor that was heaving with sweaty studs. Someone approached him and stood beside him and spoke.

"So...you must be Brian"

Brian, somewhat puzzled by somebody knowing his name, turned around and looked at the guy in the leather vest up and down, "yeah...who the FUCK are you?"

The lad flashed a bright smile, "Callum...I'm a friend of Justins"

Brian nodded, "Oh...right..."

Callum leaned on the railing as they bothed watched Justin get served up at the bar, "he talks about YOU alot...infact, he never shuts up about you"

Brian looked smug with a flash of a grin, "I suppose he can't help it"

Callum detected the smuggness and turned his head, "but...there was something he did fail to mention"

Brian ignored this twat, "and what's that..."

Callum landed him a big blow, "...he didn't say you were OLD"

Brian faced him taking offense and pointed at his own chest, "I'm 35 for fuck sake!"

Callum nodded, "yeah...and he's 23...", he leaned in to Brian's ear, "...how much longer can you keep up with him?"

Brian was pissed by this guys attitude, "I can keep up with the best of them asshole"

Callum laughed in his face, "I fucked him the other night"

Brian wasn't going to let this jerk get to him, "So fucking what? We have an arrangement, if you are waiting for a repeat session, then you are wasting your time"

Callum saw that Justin was on his way back with two bottles of beer, "well, or...it will only be a matter of time"

Justin flashed a smile, "Hi Callum...didn't see you come in", he yelled over the music.

Callum winked at him, "See you soon blondie..."

If looks could kill, Callum was a dead man with Brian's glare. Justin rubbed Brian's shoulder, "So you met Callum"

Brian looked down at him and smiled, "Yeah...I met him"

"What do you think?"

"Bad attitude, over confident, vain, thinks too much of him self and thinks he is all that"

Justin laughed, "I wonder who that reminds me of"

Brian let his eyes fall on Justin for a few moments after that comment and then followed Justin's line of view towards Callum who was dancing with a young stud.

QAF

Brian slapped his hand up onto the tiled wall and had a pee in the urinal. He then zipped himself up and went to the sink to wash his hands when Callum was coming in through the door.

"So...Brian...How are you liking the New York scene?"

Brian shrugged with a not caring vibe, "It's all the same"

Callum dug further, "But bigger?...better?...sexier?...can't be much fun living in a back of beyond town like Pittsburgh, no wonder Justin fled"

Brian dried his hands with a paper towel and tossed it into the trash, "Pittsburgh is not exactly a dusty off the track nowhere you know"

Callum shrugged his shoulders, "Well...what do I know, eh? I've never left New York..."

"You should get out more"

Brian went to move to the exit when Callum said, "I meant what I said earlier...it's only gonna be a matter of time before I fuck him again"

Brian swallowed down and turned around, "What makes you so sure?"

Callum was smug, "because I'm 25...and that's what? Oh yeah...a WHOLE DECADE younger than you"

Brian stood back to let others through to the toilets, then came closer to Callum, so he was backup against the tiled wall. Brian was taller and looked down at him with dark eyes.

"You want to hit me don't you...well go on then...try explaining that to Justin", told Callum.

Brian thought better of that and stood back. Callum went through and smirked as he exited the bathroom.

QAF

It was past 2am when they got back to Justin's place. Brian entered and watched Justin close and lock the door.

"Oh come on Brian...he was just goading you...and you have to admit..."

Brian lit up a cigarette and blow out the smoke, "admit what?"

"He is, in a way, like YOU...he's like a...", Justin stopped himself.

Brian knew exactly what was coming next, so he finished off, "...YOUNGER version of me?"

Justin's smile faded and he started to fath about with the jug, "You wanna coffee...that's if I have any"

Brian sat on the broken bed and watched him, "I saw you watch him dancing...you watched his every move...", he paused, "...you used to watch me in the same way"

Justin waved his hand at him, "I STILL watch you!"

Brian stubbed out his cigarette and shrugged it off, "Whatever"

He laid back and closed his eyes, "I'll skip the coffee if that's alright...I've got that early flight to catch in the...", he glanced at his watch, "...in 4 hours"

Justin looked down, and not in the physical sense. He approached the bed and perched on the edge, "I wish you didn't have to go so soon...it's been hardly any time at all"

Brian had his eyes closed but he laughed, "Oh I'm sure Callum will be of comfort"

Justin was unsettled, "Why are you saying that..."

"Because I can"

Justin shook his head and stared to the floorboards. Brian opened his eyes and looked at him, then he reached out his hand and pulled on his arm, "I'm sorry...come here"

Justin let himself rest his head on Brian's chest, "I'm being a dick...I'm just getting all grouchy because I have to leave you tomorrow..."

Justin listened to Brian's heartbeat, "are you sure that's all it is?"

Brian rolled his head and stared at the ceiling and after a lengthly pause, he muttered, "yes"

"I hate to think you won't be here this time tomorrow"

Brian stroked Justin's hair and kissed his head gently, "We just have to make the most of the time we have left..."

XXX

MAY /JUNE 2006

Justin worked hard at the bar. He served a couple of guys who waved their bills at him. Justin leaned in to a guy who spoke real soft, "Beer...make it a draught"

Justin reached for a glass and went to the pump and just as it started to fill up with beer, the glass fell out of his hand and shattered all over the floor.

"Fuck!"

He reached down for a dustpan and brush to sweep up the splinters. The bar manager came over and had a right moan, "Ohhh not again Taylor! That is the fourth glass in as little as a couple of shifts..."

Justin stood up and looked apologetic, "I'm sorry..."

The manager looked at him, "If it wasn't for you having a cute little smile and a tight little ass, you'd be through with this job, you understand me?"

Justin shook his head and wiped the beer off his hands from mopping up onto his black vest that had the logo of the bar he worked in 'Glitters'

He went into the bathroom and and put is hand under hot water. His colleague, a young black guy, who worked with him turned as he had a pee, "You still dropping glasses?"

"Yep...Caswell is gonna fire for me for sure if I keep it up"

Lennox came beside him and gave him a once over of his backside as he went and washed his hands, "Not with that tight little ass...he sits at the end of the bar on a stool staring right at it"

Justin laughed, "He's got ZERO chance...can you imagine him all over you!"

Lennox stuck his fingers in his throat as if he wanted to throw up, "Jeez! Can you imagine it! He must be at least what 35...right old past it!", he laughed.

Justin looked straight ahead in the mirror, "not all 35 year olds are that creep looking"

The black guy headed to the door, "not for me man! In my opinion, they are just lustful 'has beens' trying to keep their dying youth...I have nothing against that, but when I'm 35...that's when I go for a 35...you get me...thank god I'm 20...better get back before Caswell fires me!"

Justin's smile faded as the door shut.

QAF

In a cafe in Manhatten the next day, Lisa came out with the two icecreams in her grasp.

Justin sat outside at a table in shorts, a vest and sunshades.

"So...the pink or the green?", Lisa asked.

Justin laughed and reached for the green, but the cone feel out of his hand and slopped all over Lisa's foot.

"Ohhh that's COLD!"

Justin was off the seat and was trying to scoop the ice-cream away fom her feet, "I am SO sorry! I just can't seen to grip anything anymore..."

Lisa looked at him, "What? STILL? Didn't you say a few days back that you were gonna go see a doctor about it?"

They sat as a waitress took over the clearing up and shared the pink ice-cream.

"I know what it is...it happened after I got bashed...I just need to exercise it abit more"

Lisa licked some ice off her finger, "If that's it...one thing I will tell you is...you look tired, but I suppose we can put that down to as too many late nights!", she laughed.

"I haven't slept properly since Brian left...he texted me to say he might try to see me in a few weeks"

Lisa sat back and lifted her sunshades to the top of her head, "Did you and him talk? Did you tell him the way you feel...differently...like you told me"

Justin shrugged, "there was no time to talk...not deep and meaningfuls anyway..."

Lisa sighed, "well...it's up to you...but honesty is ALWAYS the best policy...anyway, we better get a move on, we need to be at the gallery"

QAF

"I had a brain injury about 5 years ago, I was bashed by a baseball bat...I think my weakness in my hands come back"

Justin sat in the clinicans office at the medical center. Lisa sat outside behind the glass.

The MD, an older man in his 50s with greying hair looked at him from where he sat in his comfy chair.

"Is the feeling the same?"

Justin shook his head, "To be honest...no"

"How is it different? How is it not the same?"

Justin shrugged trying to explain the best he could, "At times I seem to have no control...no feeling in my hand or fingers...it was slight at first, but lately it's happening all the time"

"Just your hand?"

Justin nodded, "Haha"

"The same hand that was effected after your injury?"

"Haha, yes"

The doctor considered him, "Do you take drugs?"

Justin was honest, "I have but...could that be it?"

The doctor shook his head, "I wouldn't have thought...okay, have you experienced any other symptons...anything at all?"

Justin laughed, "Yeah...I feel tired"

"Tired when?"

"Tired all the time...but I have a lot of work to get through...I have been pushing myself", Justin explained.

The doctor stood and went to his cabinet, "Justin, what I am going to do is some blood tests...", Justin looked abit off color at that, "...don't worry...", the doctor reasured, "...just routine"

The needle went into Justin's arm and his blood was taken.

"I also want you to have a CT scan...",told the doctor as he sealed the blood tube.

Justin raised his arm holding the cotton wool on to the needle site, "Is that really necessary?"

"Just precautionary..."

QAF

Justin lead the way down to the subway, "A CT scan?", asked Lisa.

"Yeah...on Friday...Friday of ALL days...talk about a bummer"

Lisa leaned on the wall, "Well...if they say you need one, you better go"

Justin slid down the wall and sat on the platform, "I thought I was over all this...Neurology sucks...it just brings back bad memories of when I was bashed"

Lisa slid down beside him, "Well...I'll be there for you"

Justin laughed, "there's no need...it's all routine I'm sure", and they both stood as the subway train screached into the station.

QAF

Later, Justin worked at the bar. He wiped the bar down and looked up to see Callum standing there with another guy in tow, a young guy with short spiky hair and a slender figure.

"Hi Justin...this is Marc"

Justin flashed a smile at them both, "the usual yeah?"

Callum nodded, "Yeah...two bottles"

Marc excused himself and went to the bathroom as Justin placed the two bottles of bud on the bar top, "He seems a nice guy"

Callum gave a seductive look, "He'll do...until you come to your senses and let me fuck you again"

Justin raised his eyebrows at him, "Not gonna happen"

Callum placed his hand over Justin's on the bar top, "Oh really? Well...now I've seen who I am up against, I'm quite confident I will"

Marc was then back pulling on Callum's arm, "Hey wanna dance I love this tune!"

Callum let his gaze linger at Justin before being lead into the crowded dance space. Justin turned his back on them and closed his eyes.

QAF

"Everything okay Justin?"

It was the next morning, Justin laid on the CT scan stretcher before it was moved into the machine.

"Y-yes"

The Techncian in behind the glass spoke into a microphone on her desk, "I'm just gonna move you into the scanner now, okay?"

Justin swallowed down nervously, "Okay...", he muttered, barely audible. He felt the stretcter slide and he was manouvered into the appartus.

The techncian's computer screen showed her images of his brain. The doctor looked at them and nodded his head as more images were captured.

QAF

After the scan, the neurologist had Justin sitting up on the couch in his office. The blonde looked at him puzzled, "You want some spinal fluid? My Aunt had that done. That really hurts, doesn't it?"

The doctor smiled reasuringly at him, "You will be fine Justin, just lie down on your front on the couch...we call this a lumber puncture...I'll make it as quick and as painless as possible"

Justin lifted his gown and rolled onto his front looked slightly uncomfortable as the neurologist repaired his needle.

QAF

Later, some of Justin's artwork was on display at a venue near Brooklyn. There was many visitors milling around pointing and in converstion.

Justin, dressed rather more smartly than usual watched them. An older guy with long hair called Jerry came over and stood with him, "These pieces are great...it's interesting how vibrant the colors are but they blend in nicely with the lower shades and tones"

"Thanks"

He smiled leaning on his cane. Jerry wasn't more than say 55, but he needed a cane.

"Have you sold Many?"

Justin blew out a laugh, "Not as many as I'd like!"

"I know a collector in San Francisco who loves this kind of thing...the walls are color...infact you cannot see the walls for all the art on them..."

Justin looked at him, "Do you think he'd want to buy any of mine?"

Jerry smirked at him and nodded as he looked up to the paintings, "He's a she actually...but yes I think she would be interested...I'll make some enquires"

Justin looked grateful.

"But even if she wasn't interested...I am...I can see that one in my conservatory office in Queens hanging nicely over my wicket ware"

Justin didn't know what that was, but if he wants to buy.

"...and everyone here seems very impressed on what you have to offer...I think we are gonna have to watch this space with you...you are what? 20"

"23"

"Still very very young...still early-on in your career...I'm sure there are gonna be some long years of interest in you"

Justin nodded...but his smiled faded as it wandered on to much darker thoughts.

QAF

Justin was thrilled though. He couldn't wait to tell Lisa as they met and had lunch in a park at East River.

"Wow! That's such awesome news!"

Justin laughed as he removed his shirt and sat their on the grass in his vest, "can you imagine how much money I'd make if I sold them all"

Lisa was crossed legged next to him biting on a Xtrachilli-hotdog, "You work so hard Justin, you deserve it"

Justin felt bad. He had been bragging on and on about how successful he could be and there was she haven't yet sold a thing.

"That's why I'm treating you...if it wasn't for YOU I'd be all alone in this city"

Lisa sadly smiled, "New York can be a lonely...but you do make friends and with that really infectious smile of yours you can make so many more friends here and beyond"

"yeah, like sunshine"

"Hey...we should go out...it's Friday!"

Justin looked at her and sat up and shook his head, "I'm whacked...I had all those tests this morning remember"

"Yeah...but I'm sure you'll be okay...you told me they were all just routine"

Justin shrugged, "Haha, I guess...I mean they never said much...they'd call if they needed to see me and there is nothing on my cell"

Lisa stood up, "So...lets go out and have a good time!"

He looked up at her as she reached her hand to him, he took it and pulled him up on to his feet and they laughed and hurried along towards the river.

QAF

The club was a heaving sweatfest as usual. There was a trio of drag queens in vibrant colors dancing on stage to ABBA. Lisa marvelled at them as they past and clutched Justin's arm, "I love drag!"

Justin laughed, "I do too...I know this great guy back home who does a good turn"

Lisa took a sip of her fizzy cocktail and looked up to see a guy approaching from gathering group of hot ass studs.

"Oh no...look who it is"

Callum was all white teeth and smiles as he strutted up to them and flashed a wink at Justin, "So...is tonight the night, stud?"

Justin looked about them as their faces reflected from green to blue in the club lights, "What? No Marc?"

"Who? Ohhhh HIM...he's history"

Justin tried to be nice, "Look...I keep tell'in you...I'm not..."

"Interested?", Callum jumped in, "Why? Because you are hung up on that geriatric clubboy from good'ol Shitsburgh?"

Justin ran his hand through his blonde hair and shook his head disapprovingly, "Don't call him that..."

Callum licked his lips holding his eyes, "I do usually get what I want"

"I don't want you"

Callum laughed as he grabbed Justin's shoulder, "Ohhhh say it like you mean it and I'd believe you"

Lisa kicked off, "Are you deaf? He said he isn't interested"

Callum blanked her with a, "Fuck off"

"Rude!"

Callum could see he wasn't gonna get past this bitch so he decided to head off, but he cupped Justin's left cheek with his hand, "Whatever...see you real soon blondie"

Lisa watched him go and shook her head in disbelief, "What a complete jerk"

Justin had to smile at her, "I think I quite like him"

"What?"

Justin shook his head, "Not like that...just his kiss ass attitude and that he's hot and he knows it vibe he gives out"

Lisa tested him, "Hotter than Brian?"

Justin didn't look at her but he answered, "...a younger Brian I guess", he took her hand, and grabbed her empty glass "Lets go get another drink...cock-sucking cowboy is it?"

QAF

At Justin's room, his phone rang and the voicemail took it, "Hi...It's Justin...I'm not home leave a message..."

"Hello Justin, it's Dr Colter at Neurology. Could you get back to me as soon as possible...I really need to see you and to discuss further tests...my number is on the card I gave you"

And the call ended.

JUNE 2006

Justin Taylor drank his morning coffee and then went over and inspected his latest art work on the workstation near the window of his room. The colors were just right, but the latest touches were not of his liking, there was so much more room for improvement.

He ran a hand through his blonde hair and then downed the rest of his coffee and went and grabbed a shower. Today he was getting his results and he was feeling a bit off color over it.

Shoving the dark thoughts to the back of his mind, he managed a few slices of toast, dumped the plate in the sink, grabbed his keys and was off.

QAF

Dressed in a black Tshirt and green-jeans, Justin flew down the fire escape and saw Lisa was waiting for him, "Lisa! I wasn't expecting you?"

Lisa laughed, "I've been thinking about you...I wanted to wish you luck"

Justin clutched his ruck-sack and gave her his trademark sunshine smile, "I'll be fine...you've said it, I've said it...I'll call you"

"You do that"

Lisa watched as Justin moved away up the sidewalk, he glanced at her briefly with a wave and crossed the street.

QAF

Justin didn't have to wait long before being called into Dr Colter's office at the hospital. He sat in a chair with the doctor opposite him with a computer terminal at his disposal.

"...with a diagnosis of Motor Neuron Disease...or MND"

Justin swallowed down not really taking all this in, "That's what I've got?"

Dr Colter nodded watching him carefully, "We are highly confident in our diagnosis and all the tests have come to the conclusions that point to the disease"

Justin had vaguely heard of it, "but that's an old person's disease, right?"

"Not necessarily...everybody is different and every diagnosis is not the same"

Justin remained calm. Too calm. Maybe it was just the shock. He cleared his throat looking at a painting he liked on the office wall.

"Did I get this from the bashing I told you about...that effected my fine neurons whatever it is"

Dr Colter knew what the boy was aiming to, "a trigger? Or a root cause? Maybe...but not exclusively..there may not be any link whatsoever"

He swallowed down and started to pick at his finger nail, "What...I mean...What's gonna happen to me..."

QAF

Justin walked the street in a daze. Everything around him, the people , their voices, the traffic, the police siren in the distance was all in a haze as Dr Colter's words were still in his mind.

"...weakness in your limbs will be progressive...there will be a gradual muscle deterioration...your muscles will not respond to your brains commands...tremors...rigors...loss of speech...loss of movement..."

Justin ducked into any back ally and leaned on a dumpster. He breathed hard and tried to get back his breath. This wasn't happening to him. Surely he was gonna wake up soon and discover this was all just a nightmare.

Once he settled himself he approached the street and started to walk home. He needed to get home.

QAF

Once home Justin sat on his bed and threw his ruck-sack to the floor. He held out his arm and looked at his hand he turned it and tried to clutch in the fingers. They responded and it was a bit shaky.

But for how longer till?

He looked across to his work station near the bright window. He stood and went over and looked down at his latest piece. It wasn't right. It just didn't look right.

He grabbed a brush and then found some water color just enough to dilute the green a touch. He carefully placed the brush into position but faffed around too much he ended up knocking the jar over and the water color flooded the work.

Justin's stress levels heated and in a flash of anger he picked the piece up and chucked it to the floor and stamped on the thing. The board broke and the canvass spread ripped in the middle.

He stood there staring down at his handy-work. If it wasn't fucked before, it was certainly fucked now.

There was paint on his sneaker, so he kicked it off and tossed it aside with his foot. He then went and sat on the bed again staring at the mess.

The door rapped.

He looked up and sniffed the tears back.

The door rapped again and then a voice, "Justin? Are you in there?"

It was Lisa. What did she want?

"Go away"

"But I thought we were going to that gay benefit thing near Central Park..."

Justin remembered but he wasn't up for that, "I've changed my mind...I've got too much work on"

There was a pause then Lisa called, "Did you get your results? What did they say?"

"They said...I'll talk to you tomorrow"

"What they will or YOU will talk to ME tomorrow?"

Justin laid back on the bed, "I'll call you tomorrow...I promise"

Behind the door Lisa stood on the landing with rainbow ribbons in her curls, "Well if you're sure"

She backed away and walked up the hall to the stairs.

Justin laid there for hours on his bed. Until it go dark and he wanted to forget the nightmare of today...

QAF

The nightclub was heated to high sweat levels and strobe color from the lights. Callum was leaning on the rail chatting up a good-looking stud he had lured off from the dance floor.

There was lust in Callum's dark eyes, "So wanna go fuck?"

The young stud licked his lips in anticipation and nodded towards the lower level, "dark room?"

Callum stroked the guys chest and took his arm, "lets go"

They were about to go down the stairs when a bare chested Justin came up and looked like he had far too much to drink already"

"Hey...", Callum said.

"Hey yourself", Justin slurred and leaned and and licked his lips.

"He's with me...", said the young stud in the tight vest.

Justin looked at him, "Fuck off"

Callum beamed a smile, this he liked, "Justin...mean and moody, I like it!"

Justin grabbed Callum's crotch tightly and was in his face, "Wanna FUCK!"

The other guy wasn't having this, he jabbed a finger at Justin, "I saw him first you dick! Fuck off or I'll make you"

Callum rolled his eyes and looked at him, "Fuck off..."

The guy almost did a double-take at that, "ME fuck off!"

Justin hinted a smirk and nodded, "You heard him *hic* fuck off you jerk"

The guy shook his head, "You two deserve each-other" and he was gone.

As Justin pawed at him and tried to kiss him Callum pulled away, "Hey wait...how much have YOU had to drink?"

Justin didn't care, "You wanna fuck me don't you? You are ALWAYS saying you wanna fuck me!"

Callum held his hands up and out of the way, "Not like this I don't"

Justin huffed and glared at him, "Give me some speed then"

Callum looked at him, "What?"

"Speed...give me some speed"

Looking about him discretely, Callum dug into his pockets for the clear bag of tablets, and handed one to Justin, "Have it on me blondie...forget what ever it is you are trying to forget"

Justin looked at the tablet in his palm and looked up to Callum and then he popped it into his mouth.

Within half an hour, Justin was in a happy daze. The music, the lights, the guys dancing all around him wanting a piece of him.

The sweat was pouring down his bare chest. His hair was soaked too. His heart raced. His vision was all glazed.

And guys were letching at him. Young guys, older guys, some sleazy looking men with their tongues hanging out at him and clutching their cocks.

Justin ended up on the floor. It was sticky and wet. There was men looking down at him, the dance music was growing distant... and then it all went dark.

QAF

Justin opened his eyes and he tried to focus around him. He relaxed when he realized he was back in his room. And then heard movement and saw Lisa in the kitchenette clearing up.

"How? How did I get here...", Justin began sitting up and rubbing his weary eyes.

Lisa turned around and approached him, "So...you are awake at last...", she stopped and looked down at him, "...Callum called me...I was wrong about him, he's not the creep I thought he was...we brought you home after you started tripping at the club..."

Justin tried to think back but couldn't even get a memory to surface.

"...but Justin, seriously? Speed...again?"

Justin felt bad, "Sorry"

Lisa then waved her hands about the room, "and...Justin, what- the- fuck? Look at your artwork...it's ruined"

Justin saw this latest piece was on the floor stamped on and where he had left it before he went out.

"Yeah...I wasn't happy with it"

"You're telling me!", Lisa said trying to scoop it off the floor and it ended up in two.

Justin looked away. Lisa put what was left of the work onto the counter and looked at him, "Justin...what's wrong? What's got into you...this is not you...this is totally out of character"

"Maybe it's started already?", he whispered.

Lisa frowned at him , "What has? Justin you are really freaking me out here"

Justin was teary eyed as he finally faced her, "My results...I got back my results"

"You said...but you didn't want to tell me what they told you"

Justin swallowed down, "You better sit down...I was when they told me..."

QAF

At the weekend, Justin rode the taxi cab to his mothers house in Pittsburgh. He had taken a flight out from New York Early. It was 10am.

How do I start this conversation with her? Can I deal with her freaking out and getting upset when I still can't get my head around this for myself.

Paying the driver, Justin got out and headed across to the front door. He paused but before he could even knock, his Mother was opening the door.

"Justin! I've been so worried!"

Jennifer gathered her son into a hug and pulled him inside. Justin pulled away and laughed, "Hiya mom"

Jennifer was all in a flap, "Dr Hall called for you...what's this all about? I mean, I had to call YOU when he phoned here..."

Where do I start? How do I tell her?

Justin dumped his bags in the sun porch and went into the kitchen, "Look...can I just get a cold drink or something...I've just come off a flight"

Jennifer nodded as she sat down and smoothed her hands over her knees, "Yes...of course you can, sorry"

Justin pulled the ripple on the can of coke and downed it in one and burped, "Gee...I needed that"

Jennifer stood again, "So...what is all this about? Dr Hall calls...asking to speak to YOU..."

How am I gonna tell her?

Justin came forward, " You better sit back down"

Her eyes focused on him, full of concern for her son, "Do I need to?"

"I do", he sat down and she sat down next to him on the sofa "Justin you are starting to scare me..."

There's no putting this off now...I have to tell her...

Justin swallowed down and looked at her, "Look, this is what I know...this is what the doctors have told me..."

XXX

JUNE 2006

Justin Taylor laid back on his bed at his mother's house in Pittsburgh. He had his cell phone to his ear as Lisa spoke to him from New York.

"How did she take the news?"

Justin blew a sigh down the cell-phone, "She cried...I cried...She's still crying now I think"

"Life sucks!"

"Mine does...she said she's coming with me to see Dr Hall our family doctor tomorrow...for what use he'll be...he's about 80, and knows shit"

"Do you?"

Justin sat up crossed legged on the bed and scratched his head, "I've been doing some research on the internet...to be honest, I wish I hadn't"

"Me too!"

"Lisa...I'm shit-scared and I don't think I can deal with Mom's reaction...I'll be glad to be back in New York...the sooner the better"

"Good for you...laugh at this diagnosis in the face"

Justin tried to make lite of it, "I'm trying too"

"Well...call me when you get back"

"I will...bye Lisa", he hung up and placed the cell onto his bedside unit. He then went and padded bearfoot across to the wall and put his ear against it. His Mother's bedroom was just next door. There was no crying now.

He was relieved by that and climbed into bed and switched off the lamp. It was so quiet. No sirens no nothing, not like New York. It unnerved him and made him wish he was back there. He closed his eyes not looking forward to tomorrow or what the family doctor had to say.

QAF

It was 10am when he and his mother sat opposite Dr Hall in his office at the medical center.

"And your neurologist has emailed me your notes from his office in New York"

Justin pulled a face, "Why bother? I'm heading back there as soon as I can get a flight"

Jennifer snapped her head round in a not too happy stance, "No you are not, Justin, we have to..."

"Why not for fucks sake?"

Jennifer couldn't believe he could actually ask that, "because you are too ill, that's why!"

Justin knew that and didn't have to be reminded of the fact, "I WAS yesterday and the day before...and guess what? I will be tomorrow as well, so what's the fucking difference?"

Jennifer looked to the doctor apologetically, "Justin please, your language is not appropriate here..."

Dr Hall leaned forward, "Should I leave you two alone..."

Jennifer shook her head, "No...I'm sorry"

Justin realised they were trying to help him, "We both are"

Jennifer was already faffing around with a plastic folder in her grasp, "Look...treatment...what's his options? It doesn't matter about the cost, I'll take out more insurance if I have to"

Dr Hall looked at Justin, "Has your Neurologist explained this to you?"

Justin nodded, "There is no treatment...not really...just things I can to to slow it down...exercise and that...I've been doing that"

"But it is important you don't tire yourself out as well", advised Dr Hall, "ask reception for a self help leaflet on it and other things you can do, like eating a balanced diet"

Justin had more than read up about it on the net, "Yeah...Okay"

Jennifer watched Justin stand to leave, and she faced Dr hall with a sudden reality check, "there really is NO cure, is there?"

He nodded and Justin left the office. Jennifer collected up her papers and followed him out closing the door.

QAF

Outside Justin refused to get in the car, "I'll see you at home later"

Jennifer was at the wheel looking at him through the open passenger door, "Justin please get in, we need to talk about this...ALL of it"

"No we don't! Not today...I'm sorry, I just need some time out", he closed the door and walked off, Jennifer, feeling helpless shook her head, and reluctantly drove off.

Justin turned the corner and made his way to Liberty diner. Deb's eyes were fixed on him in surprize as soon as he entered through the door, "Well hello! It's good to see you sunshine!"

Justin shrugged a smile as he step foot to the counter, "I thought I'd stop by"

Debbie was genuinely pleased to see him, she put her pen behind her ear and said, "So...how are you do'in!"

Justin breathed out a laugh that he hoped looked normal, "Yeah! Great! Lifes doing just great!"

"Well I'm pleased to hear it! So how long are you back for?"

Justin laughed, "Why do you ask? You want my help in here again?"

Debbie poofhooed that, "No way...you are way too good to go slaving away as a busboy in here, I can tell you"

"thanks"

"Have you seen Michael? What about Brian, I bet he couldn't wait to get his hands on you!"

Justin just wanted to go, "No...well...in-fact I'm on the next available flight...I just came by to see my Mom"

Debbie smiled at him, "Ohh bless you, long way to come visit mind"

The door opened and Emmett breezed in, "Debs I...HI baby! When did you get back?!"

Justin was now making his excuses and was backing away to the door, "I'm not...back I mean...infact I was just leaving"

Debbie came around the counter and gave him a much loved hug, "Ohhh sunshine...this is such a flying visit...it's a mighty shame...make sure you tell us next time you're in town so we can really catch up, Michael will be disappointed he missed you"

Justin nodded, " I will...see you", he then was off out the door.

Emmett came to stand next to her at the doorway, "Well...I don't blame him...he's living the dream isn't he...in the bright lights of New York City, I feel a song coming along..."

Debs shook her head, "Not right now hunn..."

QAF

Justin crossed the street and saw Brian's building coming up ahead of him. He paused and looked at it thinking. What was he going to say to him? He hadn't really thought about it.

Then he saw the door open, and Brian was coming out with some young laughing stud in tow. Brian was laughing too. Justin bit his lip, another fuck no doubt to feed Brian's very high sex drive.

I don't even feel like sex..

That would be a problem. Brian had reached this studs car and they were chatting beside it and laughing again. But before Justin was starting to think Brian wasn't playing by the rules now, the stud leaned in to kiss Brian, who turned his face away.

Okay...you are playing by the rules...but what use am I to you now..."

The stud drove off. Brian, dressed in a sleeveless dark shirt lit up a cigarette and watched the car drive off. Justin backed off into a allyway as Brian turned to look his way before going back inside his building.

Justin swallowed down and walked off into the opposite direction.

QAF

Justin was throwing clothes in his flight bag.

"You can't just go back Justin!"

"I have to...I can't stay here"

Jennifer came forward, "Why not? Justin...you need to be here where I can look after you...I'm your Mother"

Justin wasn't pleased to hear that, "I'm 23! I can take care of myself...I am going back to New York and you cannot stop me"

Jennifer pulled her hair back and was thinking through an idea as she spoke, "Okay...if New York is what you want...then I am coming with you"

"No Mom!"

Jennifer looked upset and Justin relented his flash of anger, "I can take care of myself...look, I'll call you everyday...will that help?"

Jennifer shook her head, "You have to promise you will and if you get WORSE...I want to know, no arguements Justin"

Justin shook his head and went over and hugged her, "I promise...but I really NEED to do this my way..."

QAF

At Liberty cafe, Michael had been informed by his mother that Justin dropped by.

"Where's he now?"

Debbie was wiping over the counter and glanced up at the clock, "Probably on the next flight as we speak by now"

Michael was disappointed, "Ohhh really! I was gonna show him some new ideas I came up with about a new super-hero...I'd like him to do the art again"

Debbie laughed, "Catch up with him NEXT time"

Brian had just entered and caught the very end of the converation, "Catch up with who? Ben still busy...?"

Michael wanted to swipe that smirk of Brian's face, "Oh that'll be right, he works late and you think he's up to no good"

Brian tilted his head with a grin, "Your words not mine"

Debbie leaned forward, "He was talking about sunshine"

Brian gave her a puzzled look, "Justin?", he looked back at Michael, "...he's in New York you twot, how can you catch up with him?"

Micheal loved the fact that he managed to wipe that earlier smirk off Brian's face, "Because Mom's seen him"

Brian looked at Debbie for confirmation, she shook her head, "That 's right, he was in here just this afternoon"

Brian shook his head like he was trying to figure out a reason why of what he was about to ask, "Where is he now? Why the fuck didn't he call me?"

It was Micheal's turn to smirk, as he was about to eat his lemon cake with double icing, "Maybe...he's up to no good"

Brian didn't answer him. He reached out grabbed the plate the cake was on just as Michael went to fork a slice, and cockily tipped it into the trash with a sarcastic smile, he put his cell phone to his ear...

QAF

His cell-phone was ringing just as Justin was waiting for a cab at JFK airport arrivals. Mr Kinney flashed up on caller display and he answered, "Hi..."

"Hey Justin...what the fuck? Where are you?"

Justin laughed, "I'm at the airport..I'be just got back", he knows I was in Pittsburgh.

"Oh...so let me just get this right...you come all the way to Pittsburgh and skip seeing me?"

Justin bit his lip, "It's not all about you"

"So what's up?"

"Nothing"

"Well that's a lie...I can tell by the tone of your voice"

Justin didn't know what to say, "look...to be honest...

"that would be good"

"I've been doing a whole lot of thinking and I've decided...I'm gonna focus on my career now and...not you"

"I'd say you would be talking sense...if it wasn't for you not being TOTALLY honest with me"

Justin swallowed down, had Mom told him?

"What...?"

"You wanting to move on...and that's fine...it's only natural that you'll want to meet someone your own age..."

Justin was relieved he didn't know the truth. He just went with it now.

"Yeah...there is someone...I was meaning to tell you, but I backed out...I'm a coward...I'm sorry"

"Justin...it's okay...I just want YOU to be happy and if this...guy...makes you happy...I'm happy"

For a minute Justin held the cell down and with his other hand, wiped his eyes, he lifted the phone to his ear, "Look...I have to go...my cabs here..."

"You're upset...I can tell"

"I'm sorry...I..."

"It's okay...You were too scared to tell me...but I KNEW deep down that this was gonna happen sooner or later...so don't go worrying about me...i'm fine...I'm more than fine...you know me"

Justin climbed into the back of his cab, "Friends?"

"Always"

Justin pocketed his cell and sat in the back of the cab in tears. Why couldn't I just tell him the truth!

In Pittsburgh Brian leaned on his car staring at his cell phone, "Good luck sunshine...big world out there"

He smiled through glassy eyes and jumped in his car and sped off with a screech.

XXX

JULY 2006

Justin Taylor had been back in New York for three weeks. The party was in full swing at a swish apartment in Manhattan that belonged to one of Callum's rich friends. The music was cranked up and there was dancing, drinking, taking drugs and the lot.

Lisa was with him. She drank her white wine and looked about her. The apartment itself was very well-to-do. There was expensive paintings on the walls and there were novelties to die for on display. Whoever this guy was, he was somekind of collector.

Justin came over to her in his bright pink T shirt, "Hey isn't this just great...you should see the porcelain in the bathroom...I THINK the fixtures are gold plated"

Lisa nodded looking at him, "Justin are you sure you are okay?"

Justin laughed at her, "Course I am! I wouldn't of come along if I wasn't okay"

"Even so...you should take it easy"

Callum was then approaching them with a big grin, "So...glad you came? How great is this place huh?"

Justin met his gaze, "It must of cost a fortune...how rich IS THIS guy!"

Callum laughed and pointed towards the bay windows, "You should go see the view...you can see the city lights all the way round...back a few years ago there was a great view of the twin towers"

Lisa shook her head and excused herself to go to the bathroom

"What's with her?"

Justin shrugged, "I dunno...maybe it's being here...the view and everything...her dad died in 9/11"

"Callum felt bad, "Shit man...I didn't know...how was I to know? Did he work in one of the towers?"

"North one...she says she still has nightmares..."

Lisa was then back with a drink in her tight grasp, "Sorry...I didn't think", began Callum feeling uncomfortable.

"What?"

"Errm...boy I need another drink", Callum was off, Lisa looked at Justin puzzled, "What was that all about?"

Justin looked apologetic, "I sorta told him about your dad and you know...the view"

"9/11? It's okay...I'm okay...I'm more worried about you"

"I'm fine"

Justin went into the bathroom and saw a bunch of guys snorting Cocaine. A dark guy gave him a wink and a wide smile and said, "You wanna loosen up and do a line?"

Justin was up for that, "Sure I do..."

The dark guy moved aside and let Justin snort up a line with a rolled up banknote.

"I'm Rob by the way", the dark guy said getting real close and personal to Justin.

"Justin"

Rob sniffed the coke up his nose and laughed, "gives you a real buzz, huh?"

Justin felt a bit lightheaded, "Yeah it does..cool"

"Frank's got poppers...maybe we all can have a private party in here, right guys?"

They all circled Justin...smiles...grin's...all looking or glancing at each-other knowingly in a very predatory stance. Justin felt a little uncomfortable, "I've gotta get another drink"

Justin was about to leave when Frank grabbed his arm, "Hey...stay...have some fun"

Justin swallowed down and looked towards the door as it opened, Callum stood there, "Hey Justin...I've got you a drink, lets go"

Justin forced himself out, Callum followed, "You gotta watch some of those guys man"

Justin nodded, "I know...it's okay...I can handle it"

Justin took his drink and headed over to the bay windows...the lights were pretty up here and he went out into the fresh air that made him feel nice and giddy...the drink and drugs working in his system.

He peered down and saw the lights of the traffic below. A plane soared over head and he could hear sirens in the distance. So different from Pittsburgh.

He closed his eyes. MND. He was thinking about it again. It was going to kill him in the end and he couldn't bear to think about that.

He looked down again. The music so loud from behind him. He climbed up onto the wall and looked down...he swayed abit as he watched the traffic. If he was to fall, it would be all over. He closed his eyes and let the beat of the music hypnotize him.

The breeze was in his face the music becoming distant as he drifted off with his thoughts.

He only had to sway forward and that was it...

A hand grabbed him and pulled him down to the veranda proper.

"You fucking idiot! What are you trying to do you crazy little fuck"

It was Callum and his face was angry. Justin grinned at him, "I was only kidding...I wasn't gonna jump or anything"

"If you've snorted a few lines on all the beer you've drank who knows what you will do"

"Ohhh loosen up will you"

Callum shook his head, "What's got into you? Just lately you seem to be on a different planet"

"I'm dying...for a drink", he laughed

He then dove through the french doors back into the apartment, Callum shook his head not really knowing why Justin was acting so weird.

QAF

In Pittsburgh, Brian was also out. He was at a club boasting to Michael about his latest conquest, "...and he rimmed by butt...couldn't get enough of me when I fucked him"

Michael pulled a face as they stood up on the railings looking down to the sweaty masses on the dance floor, "What's got into you lately? You acting like you don't give a fuck about anything or anyone"

Brian laughed as he eyed up another protential fuck, "That's right...life is...I mean...it's all bullshit anyway"

Michael took a swig of his beer from the bottle and looked at him watching this guy...eyes dark with the hint of a jungle predator spotting it's prey, "Have you spoken to Justin?"

Brian replied without even looking back at Michael, just focusing on his chosen guy, "Justin's having the time of his life...and I'm glad for him...he needs to make the most of life"

Michael put his hand over Brian's shoulder, "I know it's been hard for you...a long distance relationship was never gonna work out"

Brian briefly glanced at him, "and you're an expert are you?"

Michael shook his head, "No...but...I mean...I've had my heart broken and I KNOW what that feels like"

Brian laughed out loud and then his face changed and his mood became quite dark, "Look...if I wanted your advice on broken hearts then I would have made an appointment to see your husband...but seeing since I am doing this MY WAY...there is something YOU can do for ME"

Michael was all ears, anything to help his best friend, "What?"

"FUCK-OFF-MIKEY!"

Brian was then off in pursuit of his latest notch on the bedpost, Michael could only watch on as Brian moved towards the dancing stud and then they both made their way to the backroom without even the word of a conversation...it was just a fuck as always.

Michael finished his drink and decided to he'd call Ben to let him know he wasn't gonna leave the club until Brian was ready to.

And that wasn't going to go down well with Ben at all.

QAF

In New York at the same time Brian was fucking a random stud in the backroom, Justin was stood on the platform waiting for a subway train. Lisa was with him.

"I'm glad we left the party when we did...those guys were allover you"

Justin wasn't listening. He was standing right at the edge of the platform and looked down to the rails. There was only 5 or 6 others waiting for the train with them.

"I wonder if you KNOW when you've been hit by one of the trains as it comes in"

Lisa came forward, took Justin's arm and pulled him back from the edge, "I don't think I want to know"

Justin looked at her, "I do...I mean...it'll be quick, wouldn't it? I mean...not like me...with this disease shutting down my entire body...and taking so long, you have nothing to do but live and wait...", he looked to the edge again, "But that'll be so quick...you might not even know"

Lisa was concerned, "Justin...are you still coked up? You are talking complete bullshit again"

Justin pulled a face at her, "I'm not talking bullshit...am I?"

Lisa tried to empathize the fact, "You are talking about throwing yourself in front of a fast moving train...Justin what the fuck!"

Justin realized he was airing out his dark thoughts, "sorry...I didn't mean to freak you out...I won't do it...not today anyway"

"Justin!"

"Come on i'm just joking...I'm being a jerk...sorry...hey,look it's coming and I am not jumping, see"

The train screeched to a stop into the station and the doors slid open, Lisa lead the way and they sat inside.

For a while, they sat in silence then Lisa turned her head, she could see both their reflections in the window, "You wouldn't kill yourself would you?"

Justin laughed, "No way!"

"It's just when you say things like you did..."

"Forget it...It's just me being a total jerk...I'm really am okay...I'm owning this!"

He smiled at her for reassurance.

She smiled back and nodded her head, "Good"

She looked away and as she did, Justin rolled his head to look back out the window where he watched his fake smile start to fade away in the reflection...

QAF

The next morning proved to be a sorry state for Brian as he sat there with his head in his hands in one of the booths at Liberty diner.

"Just look at him! He looks worse for wear", commented Debbie to Michael as she took his order.

"He said he didn't get in till after 5am"

"Really? And it's a 'school night?'"

Michael shook his head, "yeh...I think he's taken his split from Justin worse than we thought"

Debbie watched as Brian sat back up and looked over with bleary eyes.

"He does look a bit depressed...hey Brian, you okay?"

Brian widened his eyes and pointed to himself with a forced on grin, "Who me? I'm doing just great...in-fact for your information I've never felt so good!"

Michael gave his mother a knowing look, "See..."

QAF

That same morning in Central Park, Justin strolled with Lisa in the morning sun.

"I just don't know how long I can keep this secret for...I mean I need money and the bar work is all I've got"

Lisa looked at him, "Have your symptoms got any worse?"

He shook his head, "No"

"Well then...what's the problem? You enjoy bar work don't you flirting with all those hot guys"

Justin pulled a sigh, "I know...but I just can't stop thinking about it...you know the future and what it is gonna bring"

Lisa remembered something and tapped him, "Hey, have you called your Mom?"

Justin had to smile, "Yes I have...and she asks me the same boring questions EVERY DAY...I should invest in a tape recorder"

They walked beneath some trees and saw the looming City skyline ahead, "Is this the real reason why you've split from Brian...all this he's getting old shit and you starting to feel differently"

Justin turned, "I was feeling different..now I know why...I miss him...but at the same time I don't want a boyfriend who's gonna stay with me outta pity..."

Lisa stopped at a set of steps and turned, "Would he pity you?"

Justin knew the truth the way he saw it, "Brian wouldn't admit to it...but he tries to keep everybody happy, and if it made me happy if he stayed, he'll stay...he'll do it regardless of how he feels"

Lisa glanced at her phone, "Crikey! Is that the time?"

Justin frowned at her, "You gotta be someplace?"

Lisa nodded as she quickened her pace up the steps to the pathway, "Yeah, the gallery, I..."

Justin caught up with her, "What's so important that you forgot to tell me about?"

Lisa was feeling really bad and decided to come clean, "Justin I'm sorry, I have a couple of pieces on show..."

Justin nodded, "Okay...that's good..."

"Yeah...somebody is interested"

"That's great!"

Now the confession, "Justin, it's the client who was interested in your works..."

Justin didn't know what to say, "Huh-huh...okay"

"I really hope you don't mind...it could be a real starting block for me"

Justin did feel a little annoyed if he was honest, and maybe a little jealous as well, "Jump into my grave why don't you"

He instantly felt bad and quickly caught up with her, "I'm sorry...no...I mean congratulations, you deserve a sale...long last, huh?"

Lisa removed her sunshades, "You really don't mind?"

"Why should I? And what would be the point if I did mind? The client buys what he likes, and that's yours"

She smiled and carried on, Justin not really knowing how he really felt about this followed...it really had dawned on him that his art career was now well and truly over.

XX

JULY 2006

Jennifer Taylor strolled up the sidewalk in a dream after finishing showing a buyer around a nearby apartment. She looked up to Liberty Diner and decided she needed a coffee.

Debbie had been rushed off her feet all morning and as she quickly wiped down a table she spotted Jennifer breezing through the door.

"Jennifer, Hi!"

Jennifer gave one of her loose kind of smiles and said, "Could I grab a coffee Deb, the morning I've had! I wish people won't waste my time when they go look at a place..."

Debbie went and saw to the coffee, she turned her head as she poured, "Hey, it was so good to see sunshine the other week, it really cheered my day up seeing his little face in here!"

Jennifer nodded as she went through her real estate papers, "that's good to hear"

Debbie placed the coffee on the counter as Jennifer fished out her purse, "Mind you, he never stayed long...looked like he had something on his mind"

Jennifer managed a half committed nod, "Yes...I expect he did"

Debbie laughed as she went and saw to another customer, "Probably something to do with Brian knowing sunshine...I heard they broke up"

Jennifer nodded again and then looked stressed as she pulled a hand through her hair, "If only it was that easy"

Debbie finished serving the other customer and came over pulling a face, "What?"

Jennifer waved her hand to dismiss what she said, "It doesn't matter"

Debbie was starting to pick up a vibe that something was going on...and Jennifer was oozing concern for her son.

"Jen...is there something wrong?"

Jennifer was put on the spot, she dithered, "No...errrm...well..."

"Is it to do with Justin? Is there something wrong?"

Jennifer was flummoxed now. She stood up and downed her coffee in one hit, "Look I've gotta go...thanks for the coffee...but I've really got to go, I really have"

Debbie heard the other womans voice crack as she finished her sentence and was out of the door no sooner she could say wait up.

Her intuition told her that something was wrong and she was determined to get to the bottom of it.

QAF

Michael stood in Brian's loft apartment as he watched Brian give himself a once over in the mirror.

"You off out?"

Brian nodded as he turned his face from side to side in the mirror to make sure his hair looked good, "Yeah...I thought I'd try out that new place that's opened on the corner...you know where that shitty place used to be where all the fucking dykes used to hang out"

Michael stuck his hands into his pockets, "look...I'm sorry if I really pissed you off the other night"

Brian looked at Michael through the mirror, "You never"

"I mean...I KNOW it's about HIM..."

Brian turned around and shook his head dismissively, "I'd rather not talk about him"

Michael was getting annoyed now. Justin did this every-time, the only boy ever to make Brian the stud love and care, and he messes him around like he didn't give a shit.

"HE always does THIS...he keeps fucking you around"

Brian's voice was understanding, "more than I deserve..."

"You don't deserve this! There he is in New York living the high life expecting you just to wait around for him...he snaps his fingers and you come running...and he knows it too...he's taking advantage of your feelings and using them to his own advantage..."

Brian blew out a laugh as he went and got himself a bottle of water from the fridge, "you like the word advantage don't you? You said it twice"

"Huh?"

Brian guzzled down the water and wiped his mouth with his hand, "if anyone took advantage...it was me ...of HIM on so many occasions", he grinned at his innuendo.

Michael relented and gave up, "You really don't care do you?"

Pittsburgh's biggest stud grinned again and stood up tall and straight in his vest and tight levi jeans, "How do I look?"

"You know how you look...how you ALWAYS look"

Brian came forward and pulled his friend into a deep hug and kissed him on the forehead, "Thank you for caring...but even I can move on without resulting to slashing my wrists...Justin is living his life how he wants too...I would be if he was me..."

Michael laughed as he followed him to the exit, "ohhhh you'll fall in love again, everybody does..."

Brian turned at the steps with a nod, "Not me...as I've said before, all the old rules apply...go out and fuck, fuck, fuck...no emotions, no ties, no I love you's...it's all horseshit anyway and the person who invented it should have been shot...now...are you coming? Because I want to CUM over the next horny stud I see"

Michael rolled his eyes as he followed him down the stairs.

QAF

In New York, Justin worked the bar. Lennox laughed as he and him didn't stop at the onslaught of paying customers. Justin took an order and reached over to a glass and dropped it. It smashed to the floor with shards going everywhere. Lennox laughed as he saw Justin huff and reach for the dustpan, "Here you go again!"

Justin laughed it off and rubbed his hand, he then picked up the biggest shard of glass he could see and it cut his finger. No pain. He then took it and looked at his wrist...

"Hey Justin...hurry it up will you...I'm on my own here!"

Justin swept up the glass and threw it into the trash. He then went to a fit looking guy and asked, "What can I get you?"

The lad smiled and licked his lips, "You, naked on a serving platter?"

Justin was used to all that, "I mean...what DRINK can I get you?"

"Cum in a glass and I've got all the drink I need"

Justin backed off and turned, "I need to take 5"

Lennox was wide eyed, "What? Justin we are TOO BUSY!"

"Then fire me", he walks out into the back room where he sits in a battered chair and lights up a smoke.

Later, Lennox looks at his watch. Where the hell was Justin? He had been an hour now. The bar Manager was now back and saw the torrent of complaints about the time it took to get served.

"Where's Justin?"

Lennox thumbed towards the backroom, "In there he said he was taking 5 and it's been like 60"

The bar Manager marched in where he saw Justin sound asleep in the chair. The Manager came over and rubbed his fat belly and licked his lips at the horny blonde.

"Wakey wakey", he sang, but there was no stirring, Justin remained in the land of nod.

The fat bar manager undid his belt and buttons and went over to Justin and started to jerk over the boys face. The fat ugly barman was puffing and blowing as he tried to cum over this gorgeous boy.

Justin started to stir and opened his eyes to see this fat cock being pulled in his face.

"Why don't you open that cute little mouth", the Bar manager grinned, with all but two teeth on show.

Justin was off and up out of that chair in an instant, "You're disgusting!"

"And you're so FIRED if you don't come and get your pussy little mouth round this...I mean, you DO want your job, don't you?"

Justin shook his head, "No way...not like this I don't!"

The Bar Manager reached for Justin and tried to pull his face to his cock, "Come to daddy"

Justin pushed him and the fat man went flying over the chair. Justin jumped back and then raced forward, "Hey, are you okay...I didn't mean to..."

"GET OUTTA HERE! YOU ARE FIRED YOU COCK TEASING LITTLE FUCKER!"

Justin grabbed his ruck sack and turned to see the manager zip himself up, "I'm sorry..."

"GET OUTTA HERE!"

Justin nodded and was gone.

QAF

Brian climbed out of the taxi-cab and yawned as he looked up to the sunshine. He smiled and approached Liberty Diner. He had danced all night, drank himself silly and did a few lines of coke. Then he fucked two random studs that had gave him the eye. It only dawned on him how late it was when he came out of the club and was nearly blinded by the daylight.

Debbie was pouring coffee when she looked up to see Brian roll in and slump into the nearest booth.

"Good night?", she asked Michael who came to collect the coffees for Ben, Ted and Emmett.

"Ask him", he replied thumbing back into the direction of Brian, "I never saw him after 3"

Emmett was listening and was shaking his head, "No honey, it was more like 4"

Ted corrected him, "Could have been 5..."

Brian had had enough of all this bullshit so he sat back and announced, "It was 6...hence I'm still wearing the same slutty outfit I had on from the night before...", he finished with a smile pleased to put them all straight.

Debbie raised her eyebrows at him, "Very classy"

Michael looked at him from where he sat next to Ben, "So what was his name?"

Brian looked at him in the way that was considered, why are you asking me that, "I don't know and who the fuck cares, was his name"

"Bet he does...", muttered Ted.

"I don't give a shit...", Brian quibbed at him and looked at Debbie, "Hey Deb...strong and black please"

She nodded and went to it, "Coming up..Oh...Jennifer was in here yesterday..."

Michael frowned, "What did she want?"

Brian pretended he really was interested as he looked at a copy of the morning paper, "does anybody care..."

Debbie fixed the coffee as she spoke, "She looked worried, like she had too many things on her mind"

Emmett tilted his head at her, "Must be about Justin...poor baby didn't look himself when I saw him in here..."

Brian gave him a filthy look, "I wouldn't know"

"Yeah somethings wrong and as a mother I can feel it", told Deb.

Brian was still waiting for his coffee, he looked up and waved his hand in the air, "look, this is all very riveting I'm sure, but where the fuck has that Expresso got to, huh?"

Debbie poured it and came over and placed it in front of him, just as he picked it up to have a sip she said, "I THINK you should call by and talk to her"

Brian pulled a face, "What the fuck for? I'm no fan of hers...why don't YOU go see her if you're that interested"

Debbie leaned in, "She LOOKED upset...", she hissed, "I'm starting to think that something is wrong...and as I said when it comes to your son, you know when something is wrong"

Brian exhaled a breath, "Okay! I'll go see her if it's gonna stop you from going on at me every chance you get"

Debbie was pleased and she reached over to the counter and dropped something fizzy in water in a glass in front of him, "Here...have this as well, might make you feel a whole lot better..."

QAF

It was noon by the time Brian got round to Jennifer's place. He parked his car and jumped out and headed over to the front door and it opened as he was about to knock.

"Brian?", Jennifer said, "You were lucky to catch me...I was just having my break and..."

"Debbie said I should come and talk to you..."

Jennifer was put on the spot, "Errr..."

Brian was already backtracking away, "Look, if I'm just wasting your precious time, I can go..."

"No wait"

Brian stopped and came back to her removing his shades, "What is it?"

She looked up to him making eye contact, "I'm so worried about him"

"Who? Justin"

She nodded.

Brian laughed, "He's a big boy now, in more ways than one"

Jennifer shook her head, "No...I'm not talking about that...I'm worried about him because he is sick"

Brian blew out a laugh, "Sick? What's he got, a cold...let me guess, he needs his nose wiped and you're not there to blow it"

Jennifer was getting agitated, "NO! HE'S REALLY SICK BRIAN!"

Brian was somewhat unprepared for that blast from her, it was doing wonders for his hangover from hell, he reached for her arm, "What are you talking about? I saw Justin a few weeks ago, not that I had the pleasure of a visit when he came here, but, there's no problem I can assure you of that"

Jennifer now had her hand to her mouth and was back in the house, was she upset? Was she crying? Brian was forgetting his hangover now, as a wash of concern came to the forefront.

"Jennifer...now you are making ME fucking nervous...what's wrong? TELL ME!"

She stopped her sobs and turned around, her eye makeup running down her cheeks, she nodded and went to the front door and shut it, this was a conversation she didn't want any danger of interruptions.

XXX

JULY 2006

At Babylon nightclub, Michael and Ben stepped up to the bar and ordered a couple of beers, "This makes such a change...a whole evening of just you and me...", grinned Ben stroking Michael's butt cheek.

"You, me and about a zillion others"

"You know what I mean...It's so hard to get a sitter...it gives us chance for some fun..."

They kissed and it was then Ben noticed Brian coming up the steps and heading to the bar. Ben tried to manouver Michael away so he didn't see him, but it was too late.

"Hey, that's Brian! He didn't say he was coming out tonight!", cried Michael.

Ben was annoyed, "Why? Does he have to tell you everything?"

Michael shook his head, "No, but...hey...BRIAN!"

Brian was up at the bar and turned around as Michael came to his side, "Brian...you should have told me you were coming along..."

Brian glanced at him then looked away to the hot guys coming up to buy drinks, "I didn't tell you because I didn't want any company"

Michael frowned, "What's up? Hey...you okay?"

Brian didn't look at him, "How can I put this politely, Oh yeah...", he turned his head and gritted his teeth, "FUCK-OFF-MIKEY"

Ben tugged at Michael's arm pulling away from him, "Come on Mikey...leave him"

Brian laughed out loud, "YEAH THAT'S RIGHT MIKEY...YOU GO AND FUCK YOUR HUSBAND INSTEAD OF FUCKING HIM AROUND"

Michael let himself be pulled away as Brian downed his bottle of beer and ordered another.

At the same time, a hot stud in a nothing but a leather vest and jock strap, who had been giving Brian the eye from the opposite end of the bar, slid off his bar stool and drifted to Brian's side.

"Heyyy...wanna go FUCK!", the lad licked his lips in an enticing way at him.

Brian lifted his bottle and took a sip of his drink then looked at the guy and raised the bottle to him, "Why don't you go fuck yourself with that!"

The hot guy didn't like to be rebuffed, "Heyyyy! What's with the attitude!"

Brian stood and towered over the scank, "FUCK OFF!"

The lad scarpered.

Michael and Ben were still nearby. Michael spoke into Ben's ear over the loud dance music. "Hey there's definitely something wrong! Did you see that?"

Ben shook his head as he finished his beer, "It's not YOUR problem Mikey! Look we came here tonight for some fun...all you seem to be interested is in HIM!"

"That's NOT true!"

Ben begged to differ, "It IS TRUE! Well, I'm heading home to relieve the sitter...and YOU...you can stay and babysit HIM!"

Micheal watched Ben storm off down the steps, he then looked at Brian sat up at the bar staring at his bottle of beer.

Something was very wrong. Was it the cancer, had it come back?

All he knew that he wasn't going to go until Brian was ready yo leave...whatever that time of night would be.

QAF

The next morning, Brian's hangover was killing him as he let two painkillers dissolve in a glass water on the counter and had his cell phone hunched to his ear, "So my flights on time? Thanks Cynthia, I'll call you when I get back..."

He downed the painkillers and pulled a face and spoke again into the cell, "...what? Is that today...yeah I KNOW they are my biggest client and the advertizing campaign is just about to start...Cynthia...I don't care how you do it or use whatever excuse you can come up with, but just stall them for a least a day...You're a star, call you when I get back"

Brian ended the call and grabbed up his wallet from the counter, then the door rapped and he went and opened it to see Jennifer standing there.

"Hi...I was in the area showing a couple around an apartment and thought I'd..."

"Come check up on me?", interrupted Brian, "...it's okay, relax...I'm on the 10 O'Clock flight out there"

"I just hope you can pull this off...out of everybody he'll listen to you"

Brian looked at her and shrugged, "I can't just drag him back if he refuses...you know how strong willed and stubborn he can be"

Jennifer pulled a sad smile, "except when it comes to you...I HOPE he listens to you and comes home"

Her voice was cracking so Brian went to her and pulled her head to his shoulder, "Are you okay?"

"No...that's why I NEED him back", she sobbed.

Brian nodded, "I'm on to it"

Jennifer turned to leaved then paused and looked back, "You do understand how sick he is? This isn't just gonna go away"

Brian swallowed down the lump in his throat, "You made that loud and clear yesterday...I want him home too"

QAF

In New York Justin was working himself hard on a running machine at East Village Gym.

Callum wiped the sweat from his brow, as he finished pulling some weights and went to his side, "Justin...you are gonna burn yourself out"

Justin was flippant and didn't look at him, he just ran and ran, "I need to do this, I need to keep fit"

Callum frowned at him, "What the fuck for? You're in great shape...well, you were when I last checked"

Justin continued to run, so Callum pulled the plug that annoyed Justin to no end.

"Why did you do that for!"

"You need a rest...dropping dead with a heart attack is all you are gonna achieve the rate you were going!"

Justin grabbed his bottle of cold water, "at least it would be quick!"

"What? What are you on about?"

Justin shook his head and fished out his towel from his gym-bag, "nothing...you're right, I'm done for today"

Callum watched as Justin wiped away his sweat, "So...how have you been? I haven't seen much of you since that party in Manhattan"

Justin shrugged as he stooped and wiped his legs down, "nothing much, just working on my art piece", he lied.

Callum followed him to the locker room, "I still can't believe you getting up onto the varander like that, you could have killed yourself"

Justin opened his locker and grabbed his fresh towel to have a shower, "I was just jerking about"

"and freaking out all of us"

Justin laughed, "I'm spontaneous...It just happened and now I know that maybe it wasn't such a good idea, so SORRY to freak you all out, it wasn't intentional"

"Spontaneous my ass...you were just up to your eyeballs on drink and drugs"

Justin turned on the tiles in shower and removed his shorts, "hey...talking about being spontaneous, want to fuck?"

Callum looked around them, the locker room was empty, he pulled his vest off and joined the blonde in the shower where they kissed. Justin turned the tap and the water fell on top of them as they kissed and pawed at eachother. Callum licked his ear and turned him around and shoved his cock up Justin's ass.

"FUCK!"

Callum was too gentle.

"HARDER...FUCK ME HARDER!"

Callum started to pound him and Justin was front up against the soaking tiles as Callum carried on. He gasped out in excitement at the feeling of being fucked. Just like Brian had done back home.

A flash of a memory of him and Brian fucking in the shower came to mind as Callum got into a rhythm.

He closed his eyes as Callum manouvered him to the floor on his back and grabbed his legs with each hand and fucked him even harder.

A memory of Brian grabbing him the same way flashed to mind.

Callum moaned out in excitement as he climaxed. And Justin finished himself off. Both of them lying there with the shower water splashing over them in refreshing waves. Callum rolled his head to meet Justin's gaze, "That was horny as fuck?"

Justin nodded and managed a smile, "Yeah...spontaneously horny as fuck!"

QAF

They walked out the gym together and Callum stopped him from hailing down a cab, "So...you wanna do this again. How do we work this, you call me? I call you?"

Justin looked at him and decided to be honest, "It was a one off...I don't think we should see each-other again..."

Callum stared at him, "So you are telling me it's what? A goodbye fuck?"

Justin sadly nodded, he did feel bad, "I am I guess...I've got...issues I have to deal with right now...and it's not a good idea to involve others..."

Callum bit his lip and shook his head looking to the skies above, "Wow...talk about being used..."

"You THINK I used you? Why?"

Callum looked at him, "You lead me on for weeks...giving me hope that you would want to go with me...start a relationship"

Justin shook his head, "Look, it's not you...it's me"

"Oh that old cliche! Don't give me that! You should have been honest and not lead me on! You nothing but a cheap cock teaser!"

Justin looked down to the sidewalk, he felt really bad now.

"You can go to hell you little cunt...a goodbye fuck was it? More like good riddance to trash like YOU!"

Callum stormed away up the street. With a heavy sigh, Justin watched him disappear around a corner and then turned and strolled off into the opposite direction.

QAF

It was getting dark when Justin called in at Glitters to collect his final paycheck he was owed, but it wasn't going to be that easy.

The bar manager glared at him from behind the bar, "You want your paycheck? Why do you think I am gonna give it you?"

Justin was defiant, "I worked all of last week, I am just collecting what I am entitled to"

"Well you can whistle for it, there is no way I'm gonna pay you a nickel. Besides, all you did was cost me a barrage of broken glasses. No fuck off already and don't come back"

Justin shook his head as he tried a different approach and a softer tone, "Please...I need to pay my rent...I was relying on it!"

The manager licked his lips and turned to him, "I suppose I could keep you on here..."

"You would...?"

"Sure...I mean...there would have to be new terms of employment...we can discuss your new contract in the back, and you can prove to me how bad you want your job back"

Justin realized what that would entail. He shook his head and backed away, "No way, I'm not that desperate, I would rather go walk the streets"

The fat man laughed, "Do you know how many rent boys die whoring it out on the streets? Your cute little ass will be zipped up in a body-bag"

Justin mocked him, "Well, that's very true...but in comparison with working here with your new terms of employment, the risk of whoaring it is VERY tempting" and with that he was off out the door.

QAF

It was completely dark when Justin jumped out of the cab and paid the driver with the little money he had.

As it drove off, he crossed the street to his building and hurried up the fire escape to his floor. But he was shocked to see that someone was barring his way.

"Brian! What are you doing here"

Brian flicked his smoke away and thumbed back to the door, "Just open up Justin..."

Justin unlocks the door and they both enter, "Brian, you should have called or..."

Brian jumped in drowning out the younger guys voice, "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME!"

Jesus...he KNOWS...Brian KNOWS!

Justin swallowed down, "What?", He went to move away but Brian snatched his arm tightly and spun him around on the spot, "...I've spoken to Jennifer", he hissed eyes dark.

Brian twisted out of Brian's grip and moved to the window to look out, "Oh yeah? Then she's got a BIG mouth!"

Brian stood there with his arms apart and still waiting for an explanation, so he decided to announce his own thinking.

"Is this YOU getting your own back on ME? For not telling YOU about the cancer? IS THIS REVENGE, IS THAT IT?"

Justin turned and looked at him, "I..."

"FUCK! JUSTIN FUCK!"

The blond stepped closer, "I didn't want YOU feeling sorry for ME!"

The older guy shook his head, "Feel sorry for you?"

"I don't know what else to say"

Brian chuckled without the humor, "Well I do...GO GET YOUR FUCKING FLIGHT-BAG AND PACK UP YOUR SHIT!"!"

Justin pulled a frown, "Why?"

Brian was still chuckling but was finding none of this funny at all, "Because my little ray of sunshine YOU are booked on the next flight home with me!"

Justin went to his closet and pulled out his case, "I don't need YOU looking after me!"

Brian did find this funny and lit up a cigarette as he spoke, "Very familiar words. Could have come straight out of my mouth when I had the cancer, when somebody didn't listen to me...guess who's not listening now!"

Justin glanced back at him, then went to the closet to get his stuff.

XXX

Justin Taylor stood in the toilet cubicle of the men's room at JFK airport. It had been over an hour since Brian and he arrived for their flight to Pittsburgh. Brian wasn't in any mood to talk. He was in one of his I'm not even going to look at you moods.

HE KNEW...HE KNEW ABOUT HIS DIAGNOSIS...but had his mother told him everything...what the prognosis was?

"Will passengers for American airlines flight AA4742 to Denver, please go to gate 145 where your flight is ready to board..."

The announcement made him jump out of his thoughts, he flushed the toilet and came out of the cubicle and washed his hands.

When he came out the mens room, he saw Brian sitting on one of the couches flicking through a copy of the NEW YORK POST.

Justin strolled over and sat next to him. They both sat in silence. Just the clatter and chatter of other passengers sitting or passing by around them, and of Brian turning over the sheets of the newspaper.

Justin looked at him, "Are you gonna be like this all the way home? Not talk to me"

Brian didn't look at him, he folded up the newspaper, retreathed a packet of mints from his pocket and ate one.

Justin huffed at him, "you not gonna offer me one?"

Still not looking at him, Brian held the packet to him and Justin took a mint and noisy unwrapped it.

Sucking it, he stood up and was about to head to the nearby bookstore when Brian said "Where are you going now?"

Justin turned, Brian wouldn't meet his eyes, "Just to the store...it's okay...I'm not about to run away back to my apartment or anything...", he then chuckled, "...I'm still your prisoner Mr Kinney!"

No response.

Frustrated, Justin turned and walked to the store. Finally, Brian did look up and watched him go...eyes betraying his inner concern...

QAF

On the flight home, Brian sat next to the window staring out. Justin looked about them and checked his seatbelt. He then looked at Brian, "Have you got those mints...", Brian sighed and reached into his pockets and dug them out and dropped them into Justin's lap without a word, "I like to SUCK ON something during take offs and landings", he said with a big smile on his face.

Justin popped a mint into his mouth and then looked down and saw Brian's arm on the rest. Justin placed his arm beside it and then with his pinky finger stroked Brian's wrist.

Brian relented and rolled his head to look at Justin, who beamed a smile at him.

At Last! Brian hinted a smile at him and squeezed Justin's hand, holding eye contact for a few precious seconds before rolling his head to look out the window again.

Justin faced front and smiled...wondering what life was going to be like back in Pittsburgh.

QAF

Justin stared out of the car window and he realized Brian was pulling into his mothers street.

"You've brought me back here?"

Brian glanced at him briefly as he turned the steer-wheel towards the curb, "Why wouldn't I? Your Mom is worried"

Justin shook his head and frowned, "But I thought..."

Brian stopped the car outside of Jennifer's house and put it into park, he looked at Justin knowing what the boy was thinking.

"Then you thought wrong...Your Mom is upset and you need to look after her"

"and me?"

"She'll look after you"

"and you?"

Brian heaved a sigh at him, "I'm not what you need, what can I do?"

Justin held his eyes, "You brought me home"

Brian broke the gaze and looked through the rear-view mirror, "I promised your Mom I would"

Justin faced front. They both sat in silence for a minute, before he had to ask what had been on his mind since Brian had shown up in New York.

"Do you know what's wrong with me?"

Brian faced front too, he shrugged because he hadn't had the time to process the information Jennifer told him, "It doesn't matter what I do or don't know...now...", he looked at him as he grabbed the door release, "...I'll help you with your bag"

Justin huffed and grabbed his door release and got out, "don't bother I can manage, just open the trunk"

Brian looked at him across the roof of the car, "Justin it is nearly 4am, just go and open the fucking door will you"

Before Justin could argue, a light was on in the house and the front door was opening with Jennifer running up the walk in her night gown, "Justin! Thank God!"

Brian pulled Justin's baggage along and parked it on the walk as Jennifer pulled her son into a tight hug, "as promised...he's back home in one piece"

Justin squirmed out of his mother's tight hold, "hey take it easy, I'm okay Mom"

Brian raised his eyebrows at him, "He's NOT...but he will be"

"Are you coming in?", asked Justin hopefully.

Brian glanced at his watch and nodded no, "I really gotta get to bed...I've got a busy day TODAY"

Justin looked disappointed and shrugged, "Okay..."

Brian pulled Justin's bag along the walk and set it inside the porch then he turned, "Well...get some sleep too...you look tired"

Jennifer was beaming a smile at her son and cupped his cheeks, "Ohhhhh I'm so relieved to have you home...THANK YOU BRIAN"

Brian replied with a smile. He winked at Justin and got into his car and drove off.

Jennifer lead her son into the porch, "Right you...BED...because Brian is right...you look dead beat, go get some rest please"

Justin watched her close the front door and yawned. He suddenly felt very tired. The sooner his head hit the pillow the better.

QAF

Brian stared out of the window of his loft apartment. He drank a nightcap, even though it was now nearly 5 in the morning and was nearly time to get up. He padded bare foot in his jeans and nothing else to the computer at his desk and placed the glass down and sat.

On screen he had an internet page on MOTOR NEURON'S DISEASE.

He had read and reread the first few paragraphs, and then decided he really needed that drink.

He stared at the screen and tried to read it again. His eyes left the screen the same place as before so he gave up and switched it off.

Nothing was good about it. There was no good outcome from the little he did read about.

"fuck"

He crawled on to the bed and rolled, stared up to the ceiling.

"Fuck this life...why him...it's all bullshit"

QAF

3 hours later, Brian sat at the traffic lights. He looked up at the red light then looked off to his right. The office was straight on but he found himself turning the wheel and signelling right. He had to see if he was okay.

Jennifer was just out grabbing the letters from the mail box when she saw Brian's car pull up to the curb in the bright morning sun.

"Hi Brian...Justin's out back if you want to go see him"

Brian stuck his head out the drivers window, "I don't...I just stopped by to see if he was alright after last night"

Jennifer pushed her hair behind her ear and stepped up to the window, "He's a little tired but...look, you are welcome to..."

Brian shook his head, "No...look, it's not that I don't want to, it's...I've got this real important meeting scheduled later and I need to prepare...it's something I should have done yesterday..."

Jennifer nodded, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to take you from your work...I expected too much from you..."

Brian gave her a reassuring smile, "I wanted too...tell him to keep his...keep on smiling", he then stepped on the gas and was pulling away, Jennifer watched him drive off.

QAF

"...and now I'm back here in Pittsburgh",announced Justin on his cell phone to Lisa.

"well, I guess it's for the best...I'm gonna really miss you, the gallery visits are just not gonna be the same"

Justin sat back in the garden swing couch in the sun, "You'll be okay...you're find some other muse who'll be just as entertaining as me"

"So what are you gonna do? Please don't say you're just sit around and..."

"Wait to die?", Justin laughed, "No...I'll find something to do...I just have to keep up with my exercise routine and hope for the best"

"Well...give me a few weeks then I'll come visit you"

Justin smiled down the phone, "I'll hold you to that...take care Lise and good luck with the art fair next week, byyye"

Jennifer was just stepping out of the french doors as he hung up.

"Who was that honey?"

"Just Lisa in New York...I didn't get chance to call her before I left"

Jennifer was going through the mail, "Ohhh, I saw Brian out front..."

Justin looked up at her with a hopeful expression, "Ha-ha, is he coming in?"

Jennifer shook her head, "No, he was only just passing...he asked after you...and he DID say that he had an important meeting to get to"

Justin could sense his mother was trying to whitewash the whole thing, Brian didn't WANT to see him.

"How very convenient"

"What do you mean?"

Justin stood and headed to the french doors and turned before he answered her, "I have to face it Mom...HE doesn't want anything to do with me...not now I've got this...who would?"

Jennifer watched him disappear inside. She turned around and sighed...what on earth was Brian Kinney playing at?"

QAF

Jennifer had left the real estate office and drove her car towards Brian's building. She got out and hurried in and up the steps to the top floor.

Inside, Brian, lounging about in a vest and jeans, bit into a sandwich and watched CNN. The rap on the door annoyed him a little. After-all he had just spent hours trying and triumphantly winning over a new advertizing campaign for his top client.

He slid the door across and Jennifer was there smiling at him, "Hi...I thought I'd stop by"

Brian gave her the most doubtful look, "Not convincing enough...it's not exactly on your way home"

Jennifer changed tactic as she entered, "I had a house viewing nearby"

Brian turned and still wasn't convinced, "nice try"

Jennifer came clean dumping her purse on the counter, "Okay, you've got me...I've come about Justin"

Brian moved over to his couch to finish his sandwich, "I'd never would have guessed"

She watched him eat the sandwich and focus on the TV. She came over picked up the remote control and killed the volume.

"Heyyyy, I was watching that!"

"When are YOU gonna drop by, huh?"

Brian leaned back on the couch and waved his hand at her, "I'm NOT what he needs"

It was Jennifer's turn not to be convinced, "are you sure it's not the other way around?"

Brian was immediately on the defensive and screwed his face up, "Give me a break! I LOVE HIM"

Jennifer looked at him in a deliberate enactment of surprize, "You have a funny way of showing it!"

Brian jumped up and pointed to his own chest, to empathize his case, "I brought him home didn't I!"

"But he needs YOU...and...I would really appreciate the help"

Brian stared at here for a few moments and then ran a hand through his hair whilst walking towards the window, "Jennifer...to be honest...I don't think I can deal with it...with him"

Jennifer folded her arms, "So you are just gonna let him down?"

Brian didn't want to let Justin down, but he just didn't know how to deal with it. He opened his mouth with an answer that he thought was quite reasonable.

"Look...ANYTHING...if you need ANYTHING...bills paid...medical fees...hospital accommodation fees...just come ask me"

Jennifer looked sadly back at him. That wasn't the answer she wanted, although she half expected it from Brian.

"He needs YOU not your money...infact, don't bother...I didn't see you as a flake...", she walked over to the exit and turned on her heel as she slid it aside, "...seems I was wrong"

Brian looked away as the door slid shut. He then sat down and closed his eyes sitting in silence wondering how he could process all of this

QAF

"It's great to see you Justin!"

Daphne hugged him tight in the park.

"You too"

Daphne lead him to a bench, "So how long are you in town for? I couldn't believe it when you called me"

Justin sat down and turned to her, "I've...moved back"

Daphne was shocked to hear that, "What? But what about you art career!"

Justin ran his hand through his blonde hair and shrugged, "I can still make it in Pittsburgh"

Daphne wasn't really buying this at all. She shook her head and made a point of it, "But you told me that you LOVED New York! I was gonna come visit and we were making all those plans to go out"

Justin searched her eyes and held them, "Daphne...I'm..."

She could see that something was wrong and she tried for some encouragement, "Hey Justin what's wrong?

He looked to the ground, "I'm...sick...", he met her eyes again, "...that's why I'm back"

Daphne nodded, "Okayyy..so...what's wrong with you?"

Justin could see Daphne was worried, he could see the color drain from her face as she was going over and over different sickness's that Justin could have in her mind.

"Errrm..just a brain thing...it's NOT serious ar anything, I've just come back to get better", he lied and was a little too quick with the story.

Daphne wanted to press him further because she KNEW that he said that too fast, "as long as you are okay...", she uttered.

Justin nodded and gave her one of his sunshine smiles...he was pleased when she managed a smile back for him, so he jumped in changing the subject.

"So...how's things with you? Tell me about Jake, is it? Is he hot?!"

QAF

"Justin, you LIED to her!"

Justin got himself a glass of water in the kitchen as Jennifer stood in the doorway.

"I'm not ready to go tell everybody. It's bad enough that you and Brian know!"

Jennifer followed him into the living room, "So what about Debbie and Michael and the rest of our friends? Are you going to keep them in the dark as well?"

Justin sat down on the couch and glared at her, "I said I don't want them to know...NOT YET...they don't NEED to know yet"

Jennifer tried to reason with him, although she was doing this for herself as well, "but honey, people will need to know so they can look out for you"

He shook his head at her, "...and so they can wrap me up in bubble-wrap...no thanks...I want to be treated like normal...or as normal as I can damn well keep it up for!"

Jennifer sighed as she gave up her stand, "I suppose it IS your decision...after-all you are an adult"

Justin smiled, "It is"

Jennifer was about to turn around but she risked it anyway, "and your father? What about him? Justin he NEEDS to know, so does Molly"

Justin blew out a laugh as he stood up, "Dad? I don't care whether I see him again...and Molly is too young to understand"

Jennifer went silent.

"Mom...I just NEED to do this MY way...you promised"

Jennifer managed to look up and paint on a very reluctant smile, "alright Justin...we'll play this YOUR way..."

"I'm home now, all we can do is look to the future and make the best of it"

Justin was glad to be home and he had a long journey ahead and with the love from his family and friends, the future didn't feel so dark.
END