JUSTIN

Alex really needs to realize that nothing will change Lindsay from the person she is, she was defective from birth. She learned to hide who she was by watching the people in the world her parents raised her in. It’s something both of us had in common, and in a way we both defied our upbringing. I wasn’t going to hide in a closet just to keep up appearances, but Lindsay came out for shock value. Brian and I talked about why Lindsay keeps saying I was a copy of her. His answer was she’s nuts. I left Brian at my mom’s house with the kids so I could talk to Alex before Lindsay was escorted into his office.

“I need you to not try to reason with Lindsay.” I tell him.

“If she reacts the way you expect, I can’t allow her to do anything.” He tells me.

“It’s just, she is going to say things to see if she can get a rise out of one of us. If she does then we’ll be spinning wheels with her.” I tell him.

“Why do you think she is going to care? Brian was right that she really doesn’t see me as anything but a way to amuse herself.” He tells me.

“She’s spent her life doing things to see people react to what she’s doing. I would almost say it’s because she can’t show the same emotional responses, and studies them to figure out a way to make it believable. She can do jealousy and anger, but not any of the other emotions, she gets cues from watching other people.” I tell him.

“Anger and jealousy are emotions you can’t control. They’re emotions that you can’t hide in your body language. People can pretend happiness and love because smiles and words are easy because you don’t have a visceral response to them. Lindsay doesn’t understand real love, so she doesn’t really feel anything and has no reaction to it. She doesn’t love Brian, so much as wanting what Brian can give her, envy of the people she wants to feel superior to.” He tells me.

“Which is why I’m the copy in her head, she couldn’t feel superior to me if I superceded her expectations. She constantly talks about how her life didn’t succeed because of Brian and Mel holding her back. Yet she still sees Brian as her way to the things she gave up on, ignoring that Brian was one of the people she blamed for her failures. I want to see how she excuses her life, when I still managed everything, despite her belief that I was repeating her mistakes.” I tell him.

“I don’t believe she’ll ever realize anything she did was wrong.” He tells me.

“I don’t either, but I also don’t want a future where my son, daughter, or new child, have Lindsay around to keep causing problems.” I tell him.

“How did you get Brian to agree to let you come here if you're pregnant?” He asks me.

“I’m not, Brian is.” I smirk.

“I told Brian you could do the impossible.” He tells me.

“I don’t believe in impossible anymore, just the possibilities.” I tell him.

Lindsay came in, frowning at seeing only Alex and me in the room. I smirked when they handcuffed her to the chair. I could see the anger rising in her when the officer told Alex he would be outside in case Lindsay caused any more trouble today.

“What did Lindsay do?” Alex asks the officer, as if Lindsay was a bratty child.

“She got upset when she had to share her cell, apparently she feels that she’s above other criminals.” He tells Alex.

“The woman needs a bath, I won’t be subjected to people like that.” Lindsay sneers.

The officer walked out, shaking his head at Lindsay. Alex looked at me to see if I wanted to start. I shook my head no, I wanted to put Lindsay on the defensive, not me.

“I thought I made it clear that Brian needed to be here if we are to reach any agreement on how we are going to raise Gus.” She tells me.

“He didn’t feel the need to answer to your whims. We sort of wonder why you think we need you to agree to anything. I doubt custody would be an issue, since you’ll be in prison. I’ve never heard of the housing in prison where you would raise a kid.” I tell her.

“I don’t plan on going to prison. I think a judge will agree that my fears were validated. You're trying to take Gus away.” She tells me.

“I didn’t have to, you helped yourself by doing it for me.” I tell her.

“Do you see what Justin does, he wants everything, and makes it so I look like the criminal.” Lindsay tells Alex, with tears for effect.

“It must be hard for you to see that I don't have to want things, but get them.” I tell her, shaking my head when Alex wanted to say something.

“Without Brian giving in to you, you'd still be a nobody wishing for things you didn’t deserve.” She tells me.

“I’ll have to ask the critics who raved about my first show, if Brian somehow made my hard work a waste of time. How did Brian have anything to do with a show I got before meeting him, again?” I ask.

“Your paintings aren’t anything a real artist couldn’t do in preschool.” She tells me.

“Which is when I could do what you call art. I think we called it finger painting, though.” I tell her.

“Are you listening to him?” Lindsay asks, getting upset.

“Why bother with Alex, he only sees you as mental.” I tell her.

“I only ever told you the truth, your life was headed for mediocrity. If you had listened to me, you could have been more than Brian’s toy when it amused him.” She tells me, smirking.

“Mediocrity, that would be your life, if you did more than sit on your ass. It's the best you could aspire to, anything else would be beyond your reach. I couldn’t settle for things the way you do, being the little wife wasn’t a career goal.” I tell her.

“I don’t know, isn’t that exactly what you became, Brian’s trophy wife?” She asks me.

“Wait, that was your ambition, remember? You told me how you wanted to be the arm candy and I would have made great mistress material. I guess you couldn’t help wanting to be Lynnette and your mother. You know, the woman with the bank account to keep you warm, while your husband forgot you existed.” I tell her.

“You forget who Brian left behind, it was you. I was the one he still talked to and allowed in his life.” She tells me.

“Is that the best you have, Brian left me behind? I thought by now you could have found something that wasn’t as tired as Mikey’s sayings. I really thought you'd be more original than a copy of Mikey.” I tell her, rolling my eyes.

“I'm nothing like Michael, he can't even see Brian that didn’t want him. Brian gave me more than Michael ever got from him.” She tells me.

“What, using you like the trick of the night?” I ask.

“That wasn’t how it was!” She screams.

“He fucked you and then screwed a guy the next morning. It's called tricking.” I tell her, hoping Brian was true to form in those days.

“He cared about me, I understood why he needed release.” She tells me.

I laughed in my head that I can still ace the action and reaction of Brian Kinney. “He never needed that after a night with me. Normally he complained that his dick couldn’t get enough of what I gave him.” I smirk, as she turns red. “I guess you understood your twat wasn’t the golden goose that Brian couldn’t resist, since he didn't go back for more.” I  snicker.

“He must have needed more, since he was still tricking when you came along.” She tells me.

“We liked to compare notes, usually after fucking each other. Brian was always saying no one could compete with me in any department.” I tell her.

“So you're a great whore, that was something I never aspired too.” She tells me, acting superior.

“No, that would take working on a skill, like how your art never got off the ground. I like to live up to all the things that I do, not sit around painting the wall because my imagination couldn’t paint anything anyone wanted to see.” I tell her.

“I got into art school.” She tells me.

“So did I, but you know, I did it while raising my child by myself. I also continued to paint while working a job, and gosh, raising my child. You know, the way you couldn’t even with Mel to help you.” I tell her.

“I could have done it, but I wanted my child to know he was more important. Brian isn’t going to be happy with you when your career interferes with raising your brat. I only did what I knew Brian wanted me to do. I could have had it all but I didn’t want Gus to ever feel like he wasn’t as important as fame.” She rants.

“What fame, the GLC art show, wait, you couldn’t even enter that could you?” I ask.

“I was trying to help you, I didn’t want to outshine you. If I had entered you wouldn’t have even gotten in the show.” She tells me.

“Lindsay you couldn’t have gotten in a show if people paid to put the bullshit you call paintings on a wall and paid people to come see it.” I tell her.

“One show doesn’t mean anything, you’ll be a has-been before you accomplish anything.” She tells me.

“I guess we’ll see, since I was offered three solo shows. How many have you been offered, I think none?” I ask her.

“Fuck you, you really think you have it all. Brian will get tired of you and then what I wanted to do for you, he’ll do for me. I’ll be the one standing there laughing at what a fucking failure you are in everything. I’ll be the one Brian wants, and have everything I dreamed of having.” She tells me, yanking at the handcuffs. It wasn’t enough yet.

“Brian wouldn’t forget me the way he wants to forget you. He couldn’t even be bothered to come here. You weren’t that important to him. He told me it was a waste of time to talk to you.” I tell her.

“I should have made it so you wouldn’t be a problem for me anymore.” Lindsay threatens me.

“Coming from someone I managed to stash in a trunk, I can’t seem to worry about you.” I tell her.

“When I get out of this bullshit, I’ll make sure you get stashed in a trunk of a car in the middle of the fucking ocean.” She yells. Bingo.

“Would you call that a threat to my life Alex? I think it was.” I tell Alex.

“What?” Lindsay asks. “Sorry I blacked out for a minute.” She says, trying to act confused. “Justin, why are we here?” She asks, as if she didn’t know.

“I was here to get you to sign your rights away, but then I figured getting you to show you're not the kind of mother Gus needs, would be easier when Brian and I sue to have your rights permanently revoked.” I tell her, not falling for the blackout she suddenly came up with.

“I don’t understand, Gus is just a baby, why would you want to take him from me?” She says, as if lost.

“Good luck trying to convince anyone with this new act.” I tell her, getting up to leave.

“I only have to convince a judge, then you’ll see what I can do to you.” She tells me.

“Hey Alex, you think she’ll convince anyone when you recorded everything? Really Lindsay, when you gave Brian permission to hear your sessions, you should have planned better. Brian can use any of it, and with your permission.” I tell her.

“You think they won’t hear the way you talked to me.” She tells me.

“You think anything I said sounds worse than threatening to kill me?” I ask her.

“I think it’s time for you to go back to your cell.” Alex tells her.

“One day Justin, I’ll be there to claim what’s mine.” She tells me, as the officer comes to get her.

Lindsay let him uncuff her and then pushed him away, to get to me. I waited until she got closer, and then ducked at the hand flying at me. The officer grabbed her before she could do anything else, cuffing her as she tried to get free. “I wish he’d never met you, everything would have been different!” She yells at me.

“Only in your fucked up imagination.” I whisper, as they take her out.

“She needs more help than I could give her.” Alex tells me.

“Alex, she’s beyond help, her delusions are her reality.” I tell him.

“Tell Brian I’ll have the recording and my assessment sent to him. Tell him congratulations on the new baby.” Alex tells me.

“You fucking whore, you really think getting pregnant will keep Brian.” Lindsay yells as the officer drags her out the door.

“Damn it, sorry I thought she was gone.” Alex tells me.

“She’s going to find out, Michael isn’t getting what he thought by coming to Chicago. He’ll be running back to Lindsay, hoping she can help him.” I tell him.

“How do you stay sane with the two of them? It takes all I have to not lose my professionalism with Lindsay.” He tells me.

“I learned to stop letting either of them cause me to doubt my place in Brian’s life. It took him coming back to me, for me to see that I needed to stop listening to anything but what Brian tells me. I was young and thought they knew him better. They spent years never knowing him the way I did in the time I had with him.” I tell him.

“What did you know that they didn’t?” He asks me.

“He needed to be shown that love didn’t come with beatings or conditions. Brian is more capable of love then anyone I know. I learned that it wasn’t the words with Brian, but in his actions. It wasn’t something I understood at seventeen. He loved me as much as he could, and let me go so I wouldn’t end up hating him for not saying words that he wasn’t ready to say.” I tell him.